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major2501 · 11 months ago

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Everyday I Write the Book

I woke with a bit of a start on Sunday morning, coughing slightly and feeling like I was smelling a bit like a bonfire. I looked over to where Victoria's bed was, she was standing in front of her wardrobe putting her clean clothes on hangars and rearranging everything around.

'Oh, morning Maddie.' Victoria said to me. 'I've just boiled the kettle if you want some tea?' She said as she finished hanging her clothes up, then made her way over to our small kettle.

'Morning, cheers that sounds great.' I spluttered and coughed as I up-righted myself, having a quick glance at my phone for the time; just gone twenty to nine. I watched as Victoria made me a mug of tea with milk and two sugars and sat it down beside me on my bedside table. I thanked her and graciously took a huge gulp of the sweet, hot tea. Victoria stared at me for a brief moment.

'Did you go out last night? Or go sleep walking or something?' She asked me.

'Wait what?'

Victoria reached over and rustled about in my hair. She pulled out a few twigs and leaves and showed me.

'Oh, I don't know.' I stared at the random leaves and twigs in Victoria's hand. She just shook her head and threw the loose shrubbery in the waste bin.

'Maddie you should really go see a doctor or something. You've not been yourself since we started the new term and you've been poorly too.'

I sighed and nodded at her.

'Yeah I probably should.'

'Anyway I was gonna head over to the dining hall shortly for some breakfast if you wanna come?'

'Yeah I think I might, Auntie M's coming for me soon.'

I dragged myself out of bed and quickly tried to make my duvet look a bit less dishevelled. I drank the rest of my tea and quickly threw on some moderately presentable clothes then hurried in to the communal shower rooms to wash my face and brush my teeth. Fifteen minutes later and I was making my way to the dining hall with Victoria. Weekend breakfasts at the school were pretty relaxed and we could pretty much do what we wanted but they always opened up the dining hall every morning regardless. Some students religiously went to the dining hall during the week but some of us couldn't be bothered and ended up having a morning brew and a slice of toast at our dorm instead. It depended on what day it was really, as the breakfast menu never really changed so we usually went on a Wednesday for Eggs Benedict.

But right now, Victoria and I were tucking in to scrambled eggs on toast with cups of tea and a small glass of orange juice each.

'Does Liam Blakeley fancy you or something?' Victoria asked me under her breath.

'Is he staring again?' I nonchalantly asked her back just as I was cramming some food in to my mouth.

'Yeah, pretty intently.'

'That's it.'

Now I really was in the mood to go over and give him a piece of my mind. I began to rise from my seat but Victoria tugged me back down.

'Hey, Mr Evans just walked in and sat next to Liam.' She whispered. I turned my head ever so slightly and caught sight of them in the corner of my eye. I watched for a few seconds but quickly turned back when I say Mr Evans look at me at the same time as Liam. It was weird and it kind of freaked me out a little. What the hell was wrong with them?

Victoria and I finished our breakfast and made our way outside, just when my Auntie M had come roaring up to our dorm building in her BMW. She turned off the engine and got out, leaning her arm on the roof of the car.

'Morning you two.' Auntie M beamed at us. She shut the door and came round the front of her car and sat on the bonnet. Today she was wearing all black, black boots, black leggings, a mid-length asymmetrical jumper and a black leather jacket. She had her black hair tied back in to a messy bun and her eyes were excessively lined in black also. She looked like she was going through a bit of a Goth moment.

'Morning Auntie M.' We replied in unison.

'So let me be the first to tell you but...' She stalled for a moment. 'I'm your new Chemistry teacher as of Monday!'

Victoria and I squealed and both went to give her a hug. She squeezed us tightly.

'I didn't think they'd fill the position so quickly.' Victoria stated. 'Did they have many applicants?'

'I think they had another four as well as myself. Three guys and another woman from what I can gather.'

So my Aunt was now the schools new Chemistry teacher. I knew of this ages ago because of a daydream; before she had confirmed it and I was pretty sure she had known it would happen too. At least I had my favourite family member closer to me especially after the bombshell she dropped on me last night.

'Well I really don't know how to say it, so I'll just say it. You're a witch Maddie.'

Wow I nearly forgot about that. Auntie M said she would speak more about it today so I guess I could ask her some questions. I felt a bit sick now after I remembered what happened.

We all carried on chatting for a bit when I thought I felt a shift in the air, I could tell Auntie M felt it too as her eyes darted in my direction then straight over to the doors leading in to the dining hall. Mr Evans and Liam were walking out side by side. There was an indescribable heat that seemed to be coming towards us.

'Anyway, I have some studying to do. Congratulations Auntie M. See you later!'

'See ya.' Auntie M and I said to Victoria as she made her way back to our dorm.

'Do you feel that Auntie M or is that just me?' I whispered.

'I feel it. Give me a second.'

I looked at her, the wind was blowing her hair slightly but within a few seconds it had completely gone; almost as if it was turned off with the flick of a switch. The weird feeling in the air though coming from the direction of where Mr Evans was stood was warm, but felt odd like when you were too warm under a heavy blanket. That feeling had lingered for quite a while but much like the windy sensation, it dissipated after a short while.

'He's coming this way. Auntie M why's he coming this way?' I whispered again, slightly exasperated this time.

'Keep calm I've got this covered. Act natural.'

I didn't know what do do so I just grinned and nudged Auntie M in the arm like she had just told a dumb joke or something. She joined in on the feign we were improvising.

'E28 Beemer. Nice.' Mr Evans was commenting on my Aunts car.

'1988 518i.' She replied. Mr Evans just let out a low whistle then held out his right hand.

'Daniel Evans, I'm a history teacher here.'

My Auntie M rose up from leaning on her car bonnet to shake Mr Evans' hand.

'Morrigan Taylor, I'm Madelyn's Aunt. I'll be starting as the new Chemistry teacher here on Monday.'

The two shook hands. I watched as my Aunt and Mr Evans sort of stared at each other in a really bizarre way. It was almost like they had just taken twenty paces and were about to shoot each other. I noticed their hands had stayed connected for a just a few seconds longer than what was comfortable.

'Well, it's a pleasure to meet you Ms Taylor.'

'Morrigan please, we'll be working together Mr Evans.'

'You're right and please, call me Daniel.'

This was probably the most weirdest exchange of words I had seen in a long time. Both of them were quite stand-offish and almost hesitant. There was a moment of silence before Mr Evans shook himself out of his daze.

'Anyway I'd better go, um. I'd better go. Enjoy your Sunday.'

Auntie M and I just smiled and waved, then quickly got in to the car.

'What the hell was that all about?' I wheezed.

'Feel the change in the breeze and the change in the heat before he came over?' Auntie M asked me. I nodded. 'Well that was power suppression. I can do it quite fast so it's barely noticeable sometimes to other magic users but it can take a bit longer for some people.'

'Wait you think that Mr Evans...'

'Possibly another magic user. I couldn't get a good gauge on him, if he is a magic user then he's either really good at masking it, or he's a bit under powered. I'm thinking the latter, warlocks tend to be a bit weaker than us witches.' My Auntie M explained.

'So male magic users are warlocks and female are witches?' I asked.

'Technically yes and no. Witch is a gender neutral term so anyone can use it if they like. But females are more commonly associated with witch, and guys; warlock.'

Auntie M started the car and it rumbled to life. She shifted in to drive and made her way down out on to the main road.

'I'm sure you have loads of questions, so I'll do my best to answer them.'

I thought I had loads of questions but for the life in me I couldn't remember. I was still trying to figure everything out and convince myself I wasn't crazy and neither was my Aunt.

'I might even teach you some basic spells to get you started.' Auntie M chuckled at me.

We drove for a short while in to town. Auntie M said we could go round a few shops then stop by some cafe for a bit of lunch. It gave me a chance to actually think of some questions I wanted to ask. Auntie M took me in to a really expensive and posh stationary shop but I wasn't sure why.

'Are you getting new supplies for when you start on Monday?' I asked her.

'Nope, we need to find you your own spell book.'

Spell Book. My own, Spell Book.

'Every family has their own main grimoire but we all keep our own individual spell books, I've got quite a few of my own up to now.'

As we wandered around the shops anytime I had thought of a question; if the coast was clear then I would ask my Aunt.

'When was your awakening?'

'I had just turned five years old.'

'Five? How did that happen when you were that little?' I didn't know much about any of this but that seemed like a really young age, especially considering I just had my awakening aged seventeen.

'It's different for everyone, we would consider you a late bloomer but that's no surprise. Your mother never taught you anything or even let you know in the first place. You've not grown up around magic so you've not had as much practice as the rest of us.'

'How old was my mum when she had hers?'

Auntie M stopped looking through some really expensive fountain pens she had taken a shine to, to have a think.

'She was around thirteen I think. Monica had hers aged five like me, Miranda was about ten. Molly and Macy were just about to turn sixteen and Melody was twelve.'

'Melody?' I asked sounding confused.

'Melody is your other cousin, the big sister of Molly and Macy. Anthony is the eldest though but he has no powers. Wow Maddie, you really didn't know did you?'

'I knew I had some cousins but mum never told me anything and I've never been allowed to meet them. You're the only member of her family she let me see.'

I was beginning to resent my mother, well; a bit more than what was normal. She never had time for me any more not since my dad died. And now I was finding out things, major things about myself and my family that I suppose should have been coming from my own mother.

'I can't believe she never told me any of this. Was she even going to tell me?' I looked up at Auntie M and I felt like I was on the verge of tears. I looked down and tried to blink them away but I think one or two drops escaped. I blotted round my eyes with the back of my hand but blinked again when I saw something that just stood out at me on one of the shelves holding notebooks and diarys. I picked it up and admired the cover. It was a dark navy blue coloured A5 sized notebook' a hard cover that was in a strange flocked velour type fabric with an intricate pattern round the edges in silver that looked like it had been embroidered on. I held it out for my Auntie M to look at.

'Why do I feel like I absolutely have to buy this? Like, why am I feeling a sense of doom if I walk out of here without buying it?' That's exactly what I was feeling in my stomach, a sense of dread. I didn't want to put the notebook down.

'Because you do have to buy it Maddie.' Auntie M grinned. 'That's meant to be yours and it's telling you.'

Oh this was getting weird. I hugged the notebook close to my chest as if my life depended on it.

'Listen Madelyn.' Oh Auntie M rarely called me by my proper name with that tone of seriousness. 'I know your mother is not the best person to get on with, Jesus I know that she's my sister but she most likely had her reasons. Maybe not the right reasons but she probably thought she was doing what was best for you in her opinion.'

I guess I kind of had to agree with her on that, it was the motherly thing to do. I nodded in agreement.

'But you're a young woman, you're not a child any more and your awakening was always going to happen whether she wanted it to or not. My only issue is that she's left you totally unprepared, I'm just glad I knew it was happening especially as she made me promise not to tell you anything till your awakening had happened.' Auntie M put her arm around my shoulder and squeezed. 'You seem to be taking this well though I think?'

How else could I take it? I figured out quite quickly that this was happening and I needed to take it all on board and get on with it. I had to do exactly that when my mother sent me to boarding school, there was no way she was having me in a regular school any more and I pretty much lived there the whole time. I had to accept that.

'I'm still a bit pissed off at mum though, she's denied me a family and me knowing what I am.' I told Auntie M. I could totally believe she swore my Aunt to secrecy though.

'Oh don't worry about that girlie.' She squeezed my shoulders tightly again. 'She's never been one for our way of life she fought it for a long time, she just wanted a normal life and I guess she wanted that for you and now her power has dwindled. Your mum is an insufferable shit at times.'

I let out a bit of a laugh at that, mum really was impossible.

'She hasn't really got over dad either.' I added.

'Oh she'll figure it out. You've done well though.'

Another thing I had to accept. My father was gone and he wasn't coming back, a thing my mother couldn't really quite get her head around so she kept herself busy by working all the time. Auntie M was right though. I was getting older now and I should be making my own decisions and choices.

'Anyway you know you'll always have me on your side and you have your cousins now too. And the coven, we are like a big family. That's if you decide you want to take this further? Your choice.'

Did I want to take this further? I think I did at this moment in time. And Auntie M had just said it was my choice.

'So what else do I need to start?' I asked my Auntie M, holding up the notebook I was about to go pay for. She gave me an excited smile.

'Lets get some basic stuff for now. So you have your own spell book, we could maybe get you some crystals, candles maybe even some oils and herbs.'

'So will I be making potions and chanting in rhymes?' I grinned slightly. Auntie Morrigan tried to stop herself from rolling her eyes but I caught it.

'Forget everything you know about witchcraft that you've seen on telly or in films.' She told me. 'After time and lots of practice, we become a prime conduit for energy and intent and we can will things to happen. Here, watch this.'

I watched Auntie M as she shuffled over to a shelf nearby that had a range of individual loose pencils in different hardnesses. She picked a random one up and snapped it in half, holding the two halves in the palm of her hand. I looked at the broken pencil for a brief moment before the two broken edges shot together. Auntie M gave me the pencil to inspect, it looked like it had never been broken.

'Or you could be a bit of a dick.' Auntie M looked me straight in the eyes and stuck her tongue out. As soon as she did that, a row of the lights suspended from the shop ceiling popped; sending the complete aisle in to a strange kind of half darkness. I heard some of the shop staff shout each other asking what had just happened with the lights with replies of "I don't know! Where's the fuse box?" Auntie M chuckled slightly then with her index finger, pointed up to the ceiling and made a slight spinning motion. The lights instantly came back on. I heard one of the shop assistants yell "Never mind!"

'So you don't need to rhyme or make potions to do stuff?' I asked, a little bit stunned at what she had just done.

'For me most of the time no, because I've been doing this a long time and I'm a lot more powerful than other witches. It depends on the situation though, chanting rhymes and using potions serve their purpose; they're great when you're beginning as they help you concentrate but they can also amplify spells and direct the intent more accurately.'

I had just learnt more about my life, my family and my new craft in the fifteen minutes I had been stood in this stationary shop; none of which could be attributed to my mother. I really needed to talk to her at some point and she'd probably not be happy about it.

'Can we go get some lunch Auntie M? I wanna ask you more questions.'

'Sure thing, lets go pay for your notebook then we'll find somewhere nice to eat. Sound good?'

'Sounds good.'

#writing #original fiction #british writer #novel writing #new year #witchcraft #witches #coming of age #demons #supernatural story

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xoteajays · 1 year ago

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I told you! I warned you.. That was actually the most intense episode besides the finale. I didn't lie to you about this. I know Dohwan mentioned that the cast had to rewrite the scripts multiple times before this is the script they settled on. I know that was for just the last two episodes, but what about this episode? Did the characters who died in this episode.. Would they have originally died. Because Ju was supposed to have more fight scenes with Gunwoo and Woojin in the finale episodes. I really don't know happened.

And I'm not sure if they died in the webtoon either...

Gun and Jin, my boys have literal battle scars now.

Everyone deserved better in this show.

I never understood why certain shows were popular to me. Like.. If you're going to watch popular shows though, make sure that show is worth watching.

But people who watch shows like Shameless, series and shows that are reality type shows bother me so much. I don't know why people like those shows.

And then the shows that deserve to be popular, just happen to be the most underrated shows in history.

But that's just my opinion.

You mentioned before that you're an INFJ, right? I'd remember the feeler part. I'm an INTJ. If that would mean anything.. I am more of a thinker than a feeler in life. I have never been comfortable about sharing my feelings with people so I'm a very private person with everything. But I know everyone's different in a situation where you are in abusive or traumatic type of relationship with someone. Especially family.

Then again. I'm also the person who, if I actually did mention my situation to someone - not just doctors either, they never tend to listen to me. Because that makes me feel like I was just only talking to myself.

So I never waste my time.

Actually! I saw a picture on his instagram with dark black hair, wearing red clothes. The first thought I'd have was, "Daruma?!" He looked a part of Daruma.

There were even pictures of him with fake tattoos.

That was I thought.. He'd risk his life helping people but feels awkward accepting help from people in all the ways they could help. So he's trying to get used his new friendships with the other gangs, especially with Daruma since they've always had bad history.

For the most part, I do try using different people for face claims. But if I'm attached to the person's look; like their appearance, style, even concepts with this person.. Then I will probably just use them for other fandoms. But that would actually depend on what I have in mind for that specific person or character.

Like AleXa has so many different versions of her.. I'd probably even use her for more than one fandom if I can. Girls Gone Vogue style really does give me that rich girl vibe, doesn't matter if she may be the mean bitchy rich girl type or just a misunderstood rich girl type. Just rich girl vibes. So I might want to use this style of a fandom but not sure which fandom yet.

And there are so many styles of her I could use.

Actually! I've thought about using her for as one of the face claims for Alice In Borderland, but I might not be completely sure. That's only because of her song Wonderland is an Alice In Wonderland theme song. So if I never use her as a AIB face claim at all, then I'm using that song for the AIB soundtrack.

I'm just working on whichever characters I have any inspiration for at the moment. So that does help me a bit. Kinda. Depends on those characters though.

Possibly. Since AleXa's style is mainly punk styles in a lot of ways, which is part of the reason why I want to use her as a face claim for the whole aesthetics.

Her actual style is this cyberpunk, punk goth, even preppy punk. Just different versions of punk to her.

Since Bloodhounds is more casual with the clothes, maybe casual punk goth and preppy punk for her.

Like the Tattoo era.. That might be one way I would imagine this Bloodhounds character's whole style.

Obviously she naturally has brown hair but dyes her hair just about every color when she wants to.

And I'm possibly thinking of a different style for this timeskip too. But I'm not really completely sure yet.

I might have to send some pictures to you.

Honestly? I know nothing about boxing other than I see two pretty men fighting. That's it. So I know the terms like in boxer and out boxer.. Because there's a interview with Dohwan and Sangyi about how their diet was, their exercising and the boxing techniques for their characters. I'll have to send you that video. Maybe after this episode because of those spoilers.

But I know Ju knows kendo, which is how she really was able to help Gun and Jin in those fights when it was obvious they needed help. And she had a tazer.

For tattoos and piercings. I'm not sure about which tattoos yet, but most of her piercings are her ears - Alexa has seventeen ear piercings. So her ears have been completely covered in piercings if you've seen those pictures. Don't know about other piercings.

I'll wait for your opinion after this episode. Don't get me wrong! The actress did a fine job with her whole character. I'm just annoyed she made the decisions that ruined her character. So I'm not really sure yet.

But yeah.. She has just so many styles, versions, of her that could be used for different characters she's used for face claim. At least that's what I think.

She's only 4'11, 149 cm which is closer to 4'10 ¾ but I guess it would be easier to say 4'11 for her. But she wears a lot of platform shoes to give extra height.

I might rewatch the first season. But not until right before the new season though... Which would be in December. I'd rather rewatch the show than being a person stuck watching Christmas shows or movies.

But that's just me.

And besides, you will be preoccupied with watching a new season of Squid Games during that season.

Like.. Depending on which version of apocalypse is happening, I could possibly survive if I did make an attempt to. Maybe. But also no at the same time.

Like Alice In Borderland apocalypse might be some maybe. Depending on the games. But no physically active games though, I'm just not physically active.

For zombie apocalypses. Depends on what zombie exists. Are talking about the slow zombies from the Walking Dead that would be very easy to outsmart those zombies? Then maybe.. If I made an attempt. But if they're talking about more fast and intelligent zombies like in Dawn Of The Dead, Train To Busan, and All Of Us Are Dead? Then I would be dead. And the only possible why I might survive is if I just have thrown other people to the zombies to save myself. If I was fucked up enough to use people as bait and even food for the zombies. But I wouldn't survive.

But in reality.. I might not survive. I'm not physically active as a person so that is one way I won't survive.

I enjoy bathing whenever I want, especially with the hot showers. So I need hot water.. Or warm water.

I need a toilet and toilet paper. I won't use a bucket, or behind a bush, rags, none of that is happening to me. I'd rather die than not have any of that.

At least for bathing, you could save water - actually rainwater - for bathing in. Use that water to bathe.

But women who still mensturate.. I would rather be using pads (or tampons) than rags for whenever I'm bleeding. Medication for when you need medicine.

I feel like I'm forgetting some things.

i thought at least lee’s wife would be okay but then yang jung asked ‘did you kill them?’ and my heart just dropped. they killed a pregnant women! i’ll say it again, myeong gil i will kill you.

jin was doing his best but there was too many of them. now he’s got knife scars and surgery scars. my boy :( :( :(

it looks like their deaths were predetermined since only the last 2 episodes were rewritten. but it still sucks. i can’t find anything about what happened in the webcomic tho.

it just seems depressing. why would you want to watch a show that is so miserable? like every episode is miserable. there are so many good shows that get cancelled early, but sure, 11 seasons of shameless, fuck it.

infp actually, i think. might have to retake the test though because i might’ve changed since i originally took it. infp and infj are pretty close tho.

repping daruma style. like the strawberry girls dressing in all the different aesthetics in that music video. i would like to see all the guys in the other gangs’ styles, just to see what it would look like if they were in a different group.

i feel like all the leaders are a lil like that like feeling like that have to deal with things themselves and not ask for help. hell that’s what end of sky was about, right? then final mission was all the teams working together but after all that, cobra’s still like ‘i can’t ask for help’. cobra with daruma and the amamiyas are probably the ones that take him the longest to get along with.

she looks so cute in the wonderland style! like with the blue hair and the red outfits. she’d look cool in aib, kuina was the only one with some actual style in it, with her hair and accessories.

i figured your oc was leaned more towards the casual punk and athletic styles, hence why i leaned towards her more girly streetwear-esque looks. there was one vid she posted of her in this popular butterfly halter shirt and i couldn’t find any other pics of her wearing it, but she looked so good! i think her juliet look would be good for the time skip, but idk.

im not usually a fan if black lipstick but her more gothy styles with black lipstick look great on her. it just wouldn’t fit for the idea i had for my oc.

if she shares a boxing style with gun or jin, maybe they could train together for specific moves, or sparring against the opposite to figure out how to fight someone with a different style. more girls should have tasers. and knives. let women have weapons!

jeez i hadn’t noticed but she does have so many piercings! i dont know if i’d use all of those for my oc, maybe a few of the lobe ones and a helix or two.

i just kept going ‘she doesn’t seem that short’ then would scroll down and boom, platforms or stilettos. i wonder if it’s hard to dance in them.

if i have to choose between squid game and sweet home, i’m definitely picking squid game.

i just know i’m not surviving. im like one of those lil pampered lapdogs that couldn’t survive in the wild. i’m on too many medications and i’m not that physically active and i’ll bleed to death during my first period without any pads or meds. death for me.

#tj answers #long post //#long post anon

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unboundwanderers · 2 years ago

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He never quite could wrap his head around THE WANDERER. There was something in his mind that simply couldn't connect his origin to any discernable logical reason aside from the glaringly obvious one. Raiden Ei is a complex woman, however. She has emotions & desires she herself doesn't even understand - and his time opposing the Vision Hunt Decree - however brief, gave The Timelord this insight. So there probably wasn't even really a reason for The Wanderer's creation aside from the desire to just... do it.

And he never really let this boy wander through his thoughts. Until he met him, that was. The way his facial structure seemed to be perpetually molded into a look of disatisfied boredom, the way his eyes were narrow and hostile. There were things The Timelord noticed that caused him to clam up a little bit. Perhaps there was a connection. Perhaps he was just desperate for any kind of hope that Gallifrey might be able to linger on through someone else besides himself. Whatever it was, The Timelord felt a certain kinship with this young man and through kinship- responsibility.

It REALLY isn't his business. It REALLY isn't his problem or his responsibility. Really, this boy probably isn't anything to him. If he was, it would be very tragic for The Wanderer. He'd have brothers, sisters, nieces, and nephews who had all burnt. So The Timelord looked to suppress any sort of unspoken truth that there might be a connection between himself and The Wanderer via his connection to the Boy's Mother. He had, of course, never told Tetsuya any of this. In fact, he was very vague about his interest. When asked, he simply told him the Wanderer that he was friends with The Dendro Archon or that he was friends with so and so, or this and that. Lots of vague things. They never really talked about it. He never really gave a straight answer.

When he saw Tetsuya, right now, he saw familiar sights and features. Not exclusively due to physical appearance, more due to recognizing things that were deeper than the surface. Timelords did not see physical appearance. They saw psychic signatures. They saw light, darkness, joy, hatred, sorrow, and love as energies emitted off an individual. The Face and The Body were just shells to be changed out whenever regeneration occurred. It was strange for him to see things he could relate to in another. When he wanted to run away from Gallifrey, when he'd felt the barb wire choking him, when he tried to swim up into a new world, into a new life.

And yet, he couldn't get the shackles of Gallifrey off of him, just as Tetsuya could not shake Inazuma off of him now. The Timelord moved to swallow a lump in his throat, and simply just... sit next to him. He didn't stare. He just watched the fire with him. He threw another log in, so the young man didn't have to do it himself. He simply sighed to himself, staring into the fire. He remembered hating his home all the way until... he's lost it. Until it'd burnt in a fire that not even the ancients of Gallifrey could escape from.

He never wanted Tetsuya to feel that pain. He never wanted anyone to feel that pain. He moved to sit with the Wanderer very quietly and spoke only one simple thing. "Tell me when you'd like me to leave." He said, giving him a side eyed glance before reaching into his coat and picking out a bag from within the coat, "Until then..."

He grabbed a nearby stick and stabbed a MARSHMALLOW through it before handing the bag of multicolored marshmallows to the younger man.

"Just staring at a fire causes the grossest lines on your face. It's all the sulking." He tried to make a joke about it. Until his gaze softens at the young man. He wouldn't leave the boy on his own, as that was just a bit too cruel for someone like him. He smiled softly and moved to look back toward the fire.

"Do you wanna talk about it..?" [From Space Dad]

@unboundtravels

The snapping of the wood under the fierce burn of the flames of the fire that had been set up for the night is the only sound within their space amidst the wilderness of Inazuma. Being here... it makes Tetsuya more quiet than usual, unsettling so. It made him more on edge, the blade that he is, the edge sharpens anew, the barbed wire that surrounds him becomes larger and its sharpness will cut with newfound vigor to which Tetsuya will not apologize for to whoever attempts to reach in. In his silence, his mind is loud and in quiet protest he throws another log of wood into the flames so it can be consumed for his ever watchful pleasure if only to prevent his mind from consuming him into its own personally made abyss.

With him a man, forged and dented by many a celestial and cosmic matters that Tetsuya is still to grasp, but those details aren't something he's paying any particular attention to at this time, not when his mother creator is but a few hours away from where he is. His change in character, in his behavior, is all too obvious even to those inept of emotion. Even if Tetsuya would prefer that attention not be aimed at him, he supposes with this individual that's going to be impossible. Tetsuya frowns looking over at Goth, the bluntness of the question something that he did not expect... but appreciates nevertheless. Individuals who peek from behind bushes are the ones that annoy him the most, after all.

He keeps his peace, not in consideration or contemplation, but only because he wants to keep his peace, he wants to be quiet. Being in Inazumen soil brings back many a things all at once at forefront of his mind that, to his credit, is never truly empty.

The wanderer's frown softens, not out of tenderness, but out of a weariness of the soul, perfectly shaded over by his kasa as he rests his chin on the hand of the arm that's propping on his knee, turning his gaze elsewhere. "No." What is there to talk about anyway? The past is the past, even if he's the only one who's carrying it in his memory.

#the next stop (in character~! ic)#a waste of my time (the goth doctor~!)#inavagrant #//THIS.#//so.#//I DID MY BEST TO MAKE IT SOFT.

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unboundwanderers · 2 years ago

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WHEN THE TARDIS WAS PARKED OUTSIDE OF YELAN'S HOUSING AREA, That usually meant that the timelord had to wake her up for an adventure, but- that didn't seem to be what was happening today. Yes, he had Sonic'd his way into her apartment- but, was she really expecting anything less from him at this current moment? It didn't seem like he had anything planned today. Maybe the exhaustion had caught up with him...

Because when Yelan woke up, she'd find that on this particular morning- The Doctor had seemingly arrived at her apartment and snuggled up into her. His face pressed into her hip and his arms wrapped around her waist, his hair looking awfully ready for ruffling.

He hadn't even taken his shoes off- he'd just laid in there.

@lunaetis

#the next stop (in character~! ic)#a waste of my time (the goth doctor~!)#//Smallest starter I've ever written for you #“i would make the same choice every time.” (yelan / goth | lunaetis)#//tired doctor demands cuddles

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babaleshy · 3 years ago

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I'm Autistic

Because this will likely be a lengthy, wordy post about my self-diagnosis as Autistic as well as all of my experiences regarding Autistic traits, I'm going to leave a "read more" link so that you're not scrolling for ages just to catch up on your feed.

Ah, I see you've clicked "keep reading" or "read more" or whatever this site has it labeled as, now. You don't get to be mad at how long this is or how much of a waste of time reading this may be to you because you consciously clicked on the link. Therefore, I am exempt from taking responsibilities of eating up any bit of your time, including the time you've wasted reading this disclaimer.

So... Yes. I am. And it's a self-diagnosis right now.

You're probably thinking that I saw a Tik Tok clip, checked out a page on WebMD, and decided that I'm Autistic (this is in reference to a Tik Tok I saw last night that nearly made me spit out my drink because of how painfully accurate the "what people think self-diagnosis is vs reality" clip was). That is, of course, not the case.

A few years ago (likely 2018), I don't recall what it was I read online, but it made me go, "Oh wow, that makes so much sense to me," in regards to a neurodivergent trait. However, this was then I thought I had ADHD. My husband has ADHD, was diagnosed with it as a child, and because his dad forced the doctor (this was like, in the late 90s, early 2000s I think) to put him on Adderall and Ritalin, my husband does not remember 3 years of his life because he was a drooling, zombified mess. Why did his dad do this? Because his grades were bad. Did this help with his grades? No. Did his dad take him off the meds because he didn't get the desired result? Also no. My husband wasn't even informed on what ADHD was. He was simply told he had it and to take these pills. It wasn't until he (my husband) read the label saying that it could increase the risk of heart issues that he cussed his dad out and flushed all the pills down the toilet. Up until very recently, he wasn't sure if he actually had ADHD until he saw a YouTuber who was actually diagnosed with it display the exact traits he had.

But he didn't see this YouTuber when I thought I had ADHD, so my husband couldn't exactly relate, plus I didn't want to trigger anything with him on the subject.

But the more I researched, the more I realized I could be on the spectrum. It wasn't until 2019 that I was printing out articles, trait lists, etc. to highlight and put into a folder (which is thick and nearly bursting with what I've printed out to have a hardcopy of records highlighting the traits that I have, including traits my husband and my mom see in me) that I realized "I could have Asperger's."

Of course, I no longer use that term after finding out it was named after a n*zi, and I began to embrace the term "Autistic" instead.

But the thing that triggered me into going, "Wait, so it's not ADHD that I think I have, it's Asperger's?" was, like my husband, seeing a YouTuber talk about their traits and experiences. I had identical struggles, myself. (Through this same YouTuber, I also found out I'm greysexual, too! There's a name to describe my experience with sexual attraction! Yay!)

There are a lot of VERY SPECIFIC TRAITS Autistic people experience that aren't mentioned by the YouTuber or in anything that I've printed out and highlighted that I have found through various Tik Toks that I have personally experienced that simply further solidifies the fact that I'm definitely on the spectrum. When I showed the Tik Tok I mentioned earlier (I don't remember their name) to my husband last night, he was wide-eyed because the description of how that individual self-diagnosed themselves WAS EXACTLY WHAT I DID WORD FOR WORD HOLY SHIT.

I was already convinced I am Autistic, but each time I read Twitter threads of people's experiences with their Autistic traits, each time I watch Tik Toks or certain YouTubers share their experiences, it further solidifies that yep, I'm Autistic.

What's amazing is that my husband is very supportive. I'm extremely lucky to have married him. I've been a terrible masker but he loves me anyways. He never gave me shit for my meltdowns and tried to help me out, thinking I was just horribly overly stressed. Now that he knows why I've had the few outwardly noticeable meltdowns that I've had throughout our years together, he knows how to help me more, now. And while he's figured out my traits and what issues I have, knowing that I'm on the spectrum helps him make sense of why I'm like this, and he can help me accordingly whether it's to prepare for something in advance, help me calm down, etc.

(I should also add here real quick that there's a high chance I have OCD as well, but less of the compulsive actions and more of the obsessive thoughts, but I'm not entirely sure just yet if this is the case. I'm actually hoping to see someone about this but with the pandemic, I don't know when that will be.)

Now... onto the traits and experiences.

My Traits (that stand out with neon lights)(Will copy word-for-word a trait my mom or husband see in me and it will be typed in a different color.)

Having a folder that has all of my research I've obsessively looked up, printed out, highlighted what I saw in myself with one color (yellow) while highlighting what my mom and my husband see with another color (pink). I'm also using this folder to make this list as a reference because I sometimes forget certain traits I do have are because I'm Autistic. (I'm 32 as I write this, so when so much of what you think, do, and experience that you see is normal for you turns out to be an Autistic trait, it takes a while to get used to it and thus remember that because you haven't had a label for it your whole life.)

Despite being goth/punk, I dress as comfortably as I can. Textures aren't a very big issue for me, but what feels like strangulation of my body tends to be a problem. I cannot handle having the cross seams of pants feeling like I have a chopstick slowly impaling my vulva, or I can't stand how tight some shorts are that they pinch my hip joints.

I've NEVER spent much time grooming my own hair. It's either tiring, I"m impatient and want it done NOW, or both. This is why I have a Tank Girl haircut (all buzzed except for bangs), where I can basically "wash and go." (Husband does my haircuts and dyes and he's kickass at it.)

Eccentric personality; may be reflected in appearance.

Is youthful for age, in looks, dress, behavior, and tastes.

Usually a little more expressive in the face and gesture than male counterparts.

"May not have strong sense of identity and can be very chameleon like before diagnosis." (This resonates with me in the form that I never saw myself in ANY fictional character other than Tank Girl. My husband agrees with this opinion, but he also says he also sees a lot of me in Caulifla from Dragonball Super.)

I enjoy reading and films as a retreat, often sci-fi, fantasy, children's (sometimes), can have favorites which are a refuge.

Uses control as a stress management (like routines, rules, rigid certain habits, etc.)

Usually happiest at home or in other controlled environment.

I've been seen as "sensitive" by some, and mocked for crying a lot by others.

I struggled with social aspects of college and have 2 partial degrees.

Often have trouble holding a job and finds employment very daunting.

Slow at comprehending at times due to sensory and cognitive processing issues.

DOES NOT DO WELL WITH VERBAL INSTRUCTIONS; MUST BE WRITTEN DOWN

Special interests (I'll get into these later).

Emotionally immature and emotionally sensitive.

Anxiety and fear are predominant emotions (some of which might be due to possible OCD).

I do have some sensory issues such as visual processing issues at times, certain sounds, certain smells, food I think, and issues with sunlight and my goddamn retinas.

Moody and prone to bouts of depression. Both of my parents as well as my husband have described my personality as reminding them of a cat.

Mild to severe gastro-intestinal difficulties (some of which could be due to endometriosis, btw).

I stim a little such as leg-bouncing, foot-waggling, some hand-flapping, some bouncing, the "spine-shimmy," joint-cracking, or playing with my ears.

Prone to temper or crying meltdowns, sometimes over seemingly small things due to sensory or emotional overload.

Hates injustice and hates being misunderstood, which incites anger and rage.

Prone to mutism when stressed or upset, especially after a meltdown, likely to stutter and may have a raspy voice.

Words and actions often misunderstood by others.

Perceived to be cold-natured and self-centered; unfriendly.

Very outspoken at times, may get very fired up when talking about passionate/obsessive interests.

Will shutdown in social situations once overloaded but generally better at socializing in small doses. May even give the appearance of skilled, but it is a "performance."

Doesn't go out much; will prefer to go out with partner only (aka my husband).

Will not do "girly" things like shopping.

Takes relationships seriously.

There's a bit on this chart (some of you probably already know by know what chart I'm using here) that says due to sensory issues, one would either really enjoy sex or strongly dislike it. I'm in the former camp complete with a pretty high libido.

Often prefers the company of animals.

So there are the traits that REALLY stick out like a sore thumb. These come from a site regarding female Asperger traits or however it's labeled as. I have plenty more from two other articles I printed out with lots of highlighting, but the chart actually sums a lot of the definitive shit quite nicely. At some point in this list, I could tell I went "fuck it" and copied many things word for word anyways since I'll be talking about experiences later in this post.

But it was this chart that I'd discovered that I started to realize that I really am on the spectrum, and to triple check, I asked my mom and my husband if they saw any of this in me. The traits typed in green are ones I wasn't sure of and had to ask them if they saw it. I'm not always aware of how I am, who I am at times, etc. I also didn't want to lie about it, so I had to get second and third opinions.

Despite all of this, only very few people that know me IRL know about me being Autistic. This is because I was heavily bullied growing up and since I haven't exactly left my hometown, I really don't want whoever stayed in the area as well to either have more fuel and re-enter my life that way, or try really hard to relieve their guilty conscience and demand that I forgive them or some shit. I also don't want "Autism Mommies" to come at my ass either asking that I help their kid (I'm not fond of children so that's not happening, plus ableism is what fucks a lot of Autistic people over regarding of age but they won't take that for an answer) or that because they---a neurotypical person---have a child who's Autistic, then that means they know all about it and because I'm not exactly like their child then I can't possibly be Autistic. It's just a whole mountain of shit I don't wanna get into.

This next bit will be split into 2 parts. One will be my special interests, and the other will be my experiences from my past that are prime examples of being Autistic long before anyone in the common public knew what Autism actually was.

My Special Interests (Both Forever & Temporary)

The following list will have my special interests but with indicators in parentheses as to whether they are forever-interests (as in, I never lost interest in the thing) or temporary (meaning, it was short-lived be it by weeks, months, or a few years). This will be in chronological order, meaning: the order of which these have appeared throughout my life.

Barney (temporary; helped me skip preschool and become honor roll student in kindergarten though)

Halloween (forever)

the color orange (forever)

dinosaurs (forever)

Donkey Kong Country esp. for SNES (forever)

animals (forever)

Godzilla movies (forever)

monster movies (forever)

Pokemon (temporary; I still like Pokemon, but it's not as hyperfocused as it used to be)

Digimon (temporary; same situation as with Pokemon)

Dragonball Z (forever)

Sailor Moon (on-and-off)

Ultimate Muscle (Kinnikuman Nisei) (forever)

Freddy vs Jason movie (still like, but the hyperfocus was temporary)

horror movies (forever)

Transformers (temporary)

Dark Knight movie (temporary)

Harley Quinn (temporary)

Lobo (temporary)

X-Men (forever, but only certain universes, mainly the 90s cartoon, and the character is always Hank McCoy)

neon-colored stuff (temporary; kind of some sort of semi-rave/techno phase)

books (forever; this was when I discovered it's "legal" to enjoy books if you "aren't smart"; I may explain this logic I had later in the post)

sex/sexuality/sexology (forever on the first two, temporary on the last one)

BDSM (on-and-off)

feminism (temporary in regards to doing research and educating myself; I still hold the views I've developed as a result, just not obsessively researching this topic anymore)

anarchism (forever)

ecology (forever)

Pleistocene epoch (forever)

goth and punk stuff (forever after discovering what these things are all about for real compared to when I was in high school and had no idea how to ask, who to ask, or where to look this stuff up at in rural Ohio)

Hellblazer (temporary)

Serbian heritage (on-and-off)

bats (temporary)

arachnids (forever)

teratophilia (forever; finally have a word to describe this damn kink)

gardening (current; unsure)

Russian language (current; unsure)

DIY things (forever)

Towards the end, it may not be in the proper order thanks to slowly losing my damn mind being cooped up mostly in my room on this farm since moving back here in 2014. The two that are "current;unsure" are ones I have a hyperfocus in right now, but I don't know if this will be temporary or not. I certainly hope not, especially considering how useful these things will be. And while I have gardening as one of them, I haven't properly begun yet because I get empty promises from my parents where they claim they'd help me, not to worry about it, then get irritated when I ask where the help is and they suddenly can't give me the help when I told them I needed it.

I should also note that I don't exactly have an encyclopedic knowledge in a whole lot of these interests that are forever-interests because I'm normally exhausted just trying to exist with minimal trouble from people. I'm hoping this will change. The things I know I have an almost encyclopedic knowledge in would be Dragonball Z, animals/ecology, and... a-and that's it. That's really it. That's all I've got because Dragonball Z was so profoundly different compared to other cartoons I've watched in the 90s that it was a wonderful escape, and I grew up around animals, taking care of animals, and watching nature documentaries. The stress I went through growing up has caused my memory of some of that wonderful animal knowledge to be lost and what could be re-gained may be easily forgotten again, hence why I need to narrow my focus for what I'd like to be an ecologist for. While I love paleontology, I want to help the living world's ecosystems and environments, too. I'd love to go back to school for this stuff now that I'm more informed of who I am and what I want in life (as opposed to being forced to pick a college major while still in high school while I'm just trying to survive the concept of existence).

In terms of collecting things pertaining to my interests, a common pattern you'll see me have is a very slowly growing Hank McCoy collection. This is largely because there isn't too much stuff made regarding this character. (There also isn't much stuff I can find that involves Piccolo, Cyndaquil, Donkey Kong, giant ground sloths, etc. that isn't already snatched up by other fans.)

Now, I'm going to get into the list of experiences. Some of which will talk about my special interests, but I also really want to talk about my struggles, too.

Experiences That Screamed "I'm Autistic"

In gradeschool, I was friends with someone who probably wasn't actually a friend and her mom made her hang out with me since I didn't really have any friends. She has told me several times that she didn't want to be my friend anymore with some kind of hostile catty smile, but I just.. I wasn't getting it. Because there was a smile. Why say that with a smile? After all we've been through? Then she's back to being my friend the next week. She really wanted to hang out with the popular girls (yes, there were cliques in 90s American gradeschool) and has done countless things to sabotage our friendship such as telling me Barney is a fake, Donkey Kong was a real gorilla who hung himself, etc. And I believed all this shit, too, in an attempt to still be an acceptable friend. She even told me that I couldn't be a witch because I liked toads so much (toads were the only wildlife I excitedly interacted with in my back yard on a regular basis).

I love Halloween for many reasons, but one of them (aside from my favorite color being involved) was the fact that it was acceptable to wear a mask. I love (and still do) the idea of covering my face because I feel less "naked" to the world. So this pandemic had a small plus for me in the form of mask-wearing outside of Halloween has become somewhat more acceptable.

In 5th grade, another classmate who had more obvious Autistic traits and was diagnosed with Asperger's at the time was an asshole to me. They would constantly give me shit and bully me for whatever reason. When I finally took a stand, the teachers on duty at recess called me to the bottom of the hill, forcing me to look at them WITHOUT allowing me to have my hands up to block the sunlight that hurt my eyes, and were able to manipulate me into "admitting picking on so-and-so for no reason" because I chased them around the playground where a group of girls (the same cliquey assholes the former "friend" wanted to mingle with) had to group-carry me away. They're the ones who snitched and they gave me those same hostile smiles. That's when I learned that not all smiles meant good things. I was 10.

I sometimes "lose the ability" to ask for help long before the "help" I ever got in any circumstance was just me being met with frustration by whoever is trying to "help" me or I'm met with "sorry, can't help you there. (The former being with homework or school work, the latter being with going to authorities about bullies.)

Growing up, I was never girly (or girly enough) and I've tried to, but I failed miserably. My special interests would roar through and because it was too odd or different or annoying, it gave other girls fuel for bullying me with.

Regarding the lack of being girly enough, I was at a pool party with the former "friend" mentioned earlier and she started this "game" where she and the other girls would leap into the pool saying, "I love you, Leonardo!" This was in 4th grade and in reference to the Titanic movie, which at that point, I'd never heard of, because I was too pumped for the latest Land Before Time sequel. So when I leapt into the pool, I said, "I love you, Raphael." All the girls were confused, asked who that was. I then asked, "Aren't we playing Ninja Turtles?" Because the only Leonardo I knew of was a fucking Ninja Turtle, goddamnit. Who let you brats watch that shitty romance film anyways? Boring as fuck.

Aside from the occasional weekend visits or sleepovers at the former "friend's" house, I didn't get to socialize much, so I would spend most of my days (especially in the summer) watching what was on TV or watching from our very large VHS collection. During which I would make mental notes on how certain characters acted or what they said and try to remember that to mimic them in a social setting, which would be out of place because I'd be so focused on mainly the dialogue that once it prompts me to say the thing, they don't respond how I expect them to and then I'm at a loss.

I was very ignorant of music and didn't even know the concept of independent or underground bands existed. Plus, rural Ohio is a cultural wasteland. Otherwise, I would've gotten into metal, goth, and punk way earlier in life. So I thought that bands that existed were because television said so.

Speaking of an odd logic... If it was taboo or bad to talk about, I thought it was illegal. Thus, I thought any knowledge about sex was illegal and that it was supposed to happen "naturally."

I also thought that, because I wasn't considered as smart by my peers, some teachers, and even as such in the form of an insult from my parents from time to time (despite what they claim NOW), that also meant I wasn't allowed to enjoy books, because only smart people are allowed to enjoy reading. So therefore, it would be illegal for me, a not-smart person, to enjoy reading a book. So I had to focus on the pictures because if I enjoyed reading, somehow everyone would know and then I'd get into trouble.

I also thought it was illegal to talk about periods.

I socially struggled BADLY when I got to middle school because my brain was like... 4 years behind? How the fuck do people know all these bigger words? Or complex issues? This was also when I had to start suppressing ALL urges to cry because at that age, I'm not "supposed" to cry over everything. So I still, to this day, suppress it to the point of guaranteeing inducing a headache. Because I've always caught shit for crying.

Middle school was when I met an oppressive "friend" who was obsessed with me because she had a crush on me and was rather controlling of who I could and couldn't talk to and got pissy if I got close to making a new friend. Because I was desperate for a friend that wasn't like the former "friend," I allowed this abuse into my life.

High school was me just trying to survive. By the time I got home, I was too mentally exhausted to enjoy anything short of watching TV or whatever was rented from Blockbuster.

My brain was still feeling like it was years behind, and I struggled to keep up with whatever was supposed to be something I knew about, including the concept of masturbation.

Like I said earlier, anything sex-related might've been illegal to talk about, and because masturbation was still kinda taboo, I feared I'd get in trouble, but my teenage hormones compelled me to do it a LOT. It consumed my free time almost like an escape, a form of stimming, but I was shameful of it to the point of suicidal thoughts.

The former bullet was due to being raised in a christian household. My parents didn't have such views on sex like this, but I was afraid of being in trouble for asking, took to the internet, and caught some misinfo about how immoral it was. I mourned I'd be going to hell.

Speaking of religion, I thought it was illegal to change your religious beliefs, and there was only Judiasm, Muslim, and Buddhism outside of christianity (I'm Pagan, now).

While I was excited to get away from my parents presumably for good after high school, college was a new form of hell. The sudden, dramatic change in environment and lack of ANY preparation for living like an adult on my own caused me to mentally/socially/emotionally malfunction. I had outbursts I desperately tried to suppress, I felt stupid because everybody sounded smarter than me, I didn't actually want to go to art school but wasn't smart enough for anything else and never really bothered to better my artistic skills and thus felt like I shouldn't be there anyways, I struggled to fit in better, I had no idea how to function that certain habits such as neglect of my own dishes on my desk developed because I LITERALLY COULD NOT SEE MY OWN MESSES DUE TO THE STRESS I WAS EXPERIENCING. This was 3 or 4 long YEARS of this.

Attending art classes mostly run by very demanding (and demeaning) teachers while my art skills weren't up to par added to this stress on top of me not actually wanting to be THERE in the first place, just away from my parents.

I nearly ruined a friendship with a roommate because of my struggles. I'm not even sure if she is aware of my Autism because I'm afraid to approach her about it for some reason.

Plenty of times throughout my life where I'm loud and don't even realize it.

I've info-dumped on my parents, but right now they half or completely ignore me.

I've tried making eye contact, but it's like staring in the sun not in the sense of pain, but in the sense of by natural reaction looking away. When I force myself to make eye contact, I'm spending so much focus and effort into doing that to the point where I am unable to pay attention to what the person is saying. Instead, I stare at the mouth so I make sure I hear correctly the words they're telling me.

Each time someone is mad at me and gives me the silent treatment, and I inquire what I did to piss them off, they get madder because I'm somehow supposed to immediately know when I fucking don't. Then, half the time, they continue not telling me and I have to hear it from someone else. This further confuses me as to why they don't just simply fucking tell me.

I've annoyed people to listening to the same one or few songs over and over again. A lot (currently obsessed with the Sunset Overdrive and Tank Girl movie soundtracks).

I can "smell" the heat outside on a summer day.

I can smell other people's unique scents sometimes (especially when in someone's house; also experienced this in other people's dorms).

I can't remember what grade this was, but in high school, we went to some kind of space camp facility thing, and our class was split into two groups: one group was the group who was on Mars and ready to come home, the other was on Earth and can't wait to go to Mars. I was in the former group. My job in this little fun display interactive room thing was to examine the isotopes and report... uh.. I can't remember.. Report something that was off. Everyone else was dicking around with what they're supposed to do, and I was actually doing my job, and then said something, like I was supposed to, if I found something that was off (I don't remember the specifics). When the scientist who worked at the facility praised me on "saving the crew," I caught this look from the entire class a look I can't quite describe other than they didn't seem to like the fact that I did a good thing and was being praised for it instead of any of them (or they were shocked that a "dumb girl" like me could achieve this and get praise for it, I don't know.. hard to tell). This was a science class field trip, but despite this, I didn't have an interest in space, and still didn't feel I was smart. (Come to think of it, I think this was actually an 8th grade field trip, I can't remember.)

Just discovered this today: I'm actually very easily overwhelmed that could trigger a meltdown when I wake up. I don't know for how long until that point passes, either. But this could also be explained with how I've reacted to certain alarm clocks (the ones with the bells just induce pure rage in me). Either I will be on the verge of a meltdown or I'll have a fucking headache all day. Normally, I just wanna drink my coffee and either read or practice a little on Duolingo.

I don't always have enough room for a lot of info in my head for things that I like, so I have to carefully narrow shit down. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what to do about my urge to get my hands on some monster movies while making sure nothing else I've retained info for wanes. Not sure if this is due to stress or what. But apparently I have designated compartments for certain categories in my brain. If I get into monster movies, continue to work on my knwoledge on ecology and paleontology, and gain more knowledge about arachnids, that shouldn't impede on the "language" category, so whatever I learn in Russian will remain safe.

Interest "Webs."

I have what I'd like to call an "interest web." My special interests in one thing can lead me to having an interest in another. I care about nature, and I also care about paleontology. Paleoecology is something I'd like to dip my toes into. But because this all involves nature, I have an interest in botany (though it's still intimidating so I'm sticking with local native trees) and arachnids (after conquering my fears and learning more about them). So the web stops at arachnids there (no pun intended).

Back to ecology and paleoecology...

I have a major interest in the Pleistocene because it was just before we humans started writing shit down. Hints of that era echoes within our current environment, from the pronghorn being "unnecessarily" fast (due to miracynonyx, the "American cheetah," which is now an extinct cat) to avocados not seeding like they should without human assistance as well as the yucca trees (Joshua trees) going into retreat thanks to the absence of giant ground sloths.

But the planet is warming, and we could use all the help from plants that we get, especially when it comes to making sure that permafrost stays frozen. So there's this "Pleistocene Park" project taking place in Russia, and one day, if I get into the field of paleontology, I may want to chat with those involved in that project, but one can't expect every other country to know English.

There's also FROZEN PLEISTOCENE MEGAFAUNA CARCASSES BEING FOUND IN PERMAFROST, too.

On top of all of this, Russia's northern lands will become habitable for humans if shit hits the fan and the planet's mostly fucked, so it's still nice to know the language.

See how all of these interests intertwine? (It also helps that since I am of Serbian heritage but can't find accessible resources to learn the language and I wanna know a Slavic language that Russian is kind of accessible. It also seems to be the only Slavic language "commonly" found in colleges when it comes to foreign language courses.) This is why I call them "interest webs." Not sure if other Autistic people have them, but it's something that I have.

The second one could simply involve Halloween, punk, goth, monsters, and teratophilia with Halloween being the gateway because my favorite color is orange.

Just thought this would be a fun thing to touch on real quick.

My Sensory Traits

I do experience some sensory traits, but they're not intense like some people would assume (unless I'm simply not noticing how intense they can be).

I can "smell" the summer heat, which was something I thought everybody else experienced but I'm wrong.

My retinas hurt in bright sunlight despite not looking anywhere near the sun, which I also thought everybody else experienced.

Drinks taste different or off in some way if they're not in a particular mug, glass, etc. that the drink is supposed to be in. (I have certain mugs that I enjoy my coffee in, but the other mugs? They taste off. I can't explain why. I have ONLY TWO acceptable little tumbler glasses for orange juice.)

Breakfast food does not taste like breakfast food unless it's on this one specific plate from my childhood.

Dinner can be iffy on certain plates, but the safest go-to is the knock-off blue willow plates.

Lunch is acceptable on anything, but if I'm having simply a sandwich, it must be on a small plate.

I have specific forks I'd prefer to use because of how they feel in my hand, how the food-part feels in my mouth, and how the fork itself tastes.

Gotta have cinnamon in my coffee. I just do. It's not coffee without it.

I cannot fucking handle hair snippets of any size for any reason on my body. This is why there is a rigid procedure to where my husband must buzz my hair over a paper-towel-covered sink (to avoid clogging the drain) while wearing a particular tanktop Harley Quinn night shirt, and then I must shower immediately afterwards. During the haircut, my skin itches like mad like I'm being poked by the hairs directly even in places where hair snippets have never, ever gone.

I'm overly sensitive to the cold to the point of pain, especially in my fingers and toes.

Also cannot brush teeth with cold water because it's so painful (this was LONG before I had dental issues and persists to this day). Even my tongue hurts from it.

I'm picky as fuck with candy. Trick-or-treating was sometimes difficult because all I cared about was either orange-flavored stuff, or chocolate. Only specific chocolates, too (Krackle, Mr. Goodbar, Crunch, Butterfinger, Reese's, that was it.) Skittles were okay, but a lot of the baggies I got had a LOT the red ones and the red ones suck. Can't stand the other candies. (But my tastes have changed since then, and I opt for European chocolate from Aldi's as they are far superior, especially Moser Roth's 70% dark chocolate and Choceur's coffee and cream chocolate.)

Speaking of candy, the Whopper's Robin's Eggs tasted better than regular Whoppers and I will never be able to explain why.

Despite loving orange flavored stuff, I have trust issues when I see an unlabeled orange candy because there's the dangerous chance it could be fucking peach flavored. *gag* (I like real peaches, but the artificial flavored ones suck balls.) Due to my dental situation, I cannot enjoy very much in a way of candy, and the only artificial orange flavoring I CAN enjoy is through Vitamin D gummies... And even then, EVEN THEN I have to worry about the fucking peach flavors if I have to go with a different brand because we can't get our hands on a bottle from Simple Truth.

Artificial cherry flavoring is death.

The ONLY flavored medicine that was acceptable to me was orange (of course) and those dissolving strips that were grape-flavored that they don't fucking make anymore because fuck me that's why. Everything else was peer-pressured to do shots kiddie edition.

The different colored coatings on M&M's taste different from one another and I cannot explain why. It's very subtle, hardly noticeable, BUT I CAN TELL.

Peanutbutter is fucking amazing.

The smell of peanutbutter is fucking not.

There are these frozen meals my husband gets for days he doesn't have energy to cook and one of them (all from the same brand) smells like fucking hell.

My husband's Nissan Cup Noodle ramen overpowers my incense despite what other household members say.

I love incense, especially dragonsblood, "coffee time," pumpkin spice, raven, and rain.

All of the autumn scents or scents associated with autumn are orgasmic to me.

The smell of artificial cherry is death.

I would love to have perfume or body spray of Play-Doh.

I can compare smells of some places to others, such as the library branch I frequent smells like my gradeschool, as do SOME of their books' pages, and when my husband and I walked through this hall-like tunnel-like storefront in downtown Pittsburgh, I said it smelled like my grandma's basement, and he thought the same, so we're in aggreeance that all grandma's basements smell the same. Except for my Baba and Deda's. Their basement smelled like they actually still enjoy life and had their shit together.

Speaking of gradeschool smells, my gradeschool had two directions of classrooms, one led towards the gym, but the hall off to the side was carpeted, had some nice colors, and held 2 kindergarten classes and 2 first grade classes. That section of the building had its distinctive smells. The other direction led to the office, the cafeteria, and the hall with the 2 classes of grades 2 through 5 plus the preschool and the art/music class was. The smell was different in all classes EXCEPT for the music/art class, and I never went to preschool so I wouldn't know what that smells like.

ALL PRINCIPLE OFFICES SMELL THE SAME. HOW.

I could smell when my husband accidentally put in cinnamon when he thought he grabbed paprika in a dish that I liked. He was terrified of telling me. That was a happy accident and it became a permanent ingredient. He was mortified and shocked that I could smell his whoopsie in my dinner he made me.

I can also smell the cinnamon they use in Little Caeser's pizza crust. Yes. They use cinnamon. But I was the only one to notice.

Honey is like peanutbutter: it tastes amazing. But holy shit fuck that smell.

Gas stations smell like death, sadness, and questioning life's choices.

No two people's car interiors smell alike.

I can smell when it will rain soon, especially if it's about to storm.

I'm the one who noticed that hairy white oldfield asters smell like cake batter.

Dominant yellow filling my entire vision can be sometimes painful.

I used to be able to "hear" the color yellow in my head so much I thought yellow actually made a noise. It was a particular shade of yellow, and it made this Playskool toy-like clicking bell ringing noise, but really obnoxiously, almost painfully. I don't know how to describe the shade other than "cloudy pastel lemon?" It looked like the fucking lemon-flavored medicine I had to take as a kid.

My parents tried mixing in this cherry flavored death medicine in with my orange soda thinking I wouldn't know the difference but I did, so I dumped it down the drain and opened a new can because that can of Big K orange was fucking ruined.

Orange is wonderful to my eyes. But it's a hard color for me to find when it comes to getting things in a particular color. My back-up colors are red, green, and purple.

The sunlight hurts my retinas, even when I'm not looking at the sky at all, but the pain intensity increases the further I look up on a sunny summer day. This has been like this since childhood. Prescriptive sunglasses shouldn't be fucking expensive and should be covered by healthcare insurance.

I have to try really FUCKING hard not to stare at someone's muscles in person because ugh... Good thing I rarely see anybody who's well-built. (No really, this isn't even really a sexual thing, I'm so fucking fascinated and once I realize "oh, so that particular muscle looks like that from that angle", I get a glimmer of hope that I MIGHT be able to draw something humanoid since I suck at drawing people.)

Orange trees as so pleasing to the eye, and these are much more socially acceptable to stare at, lest I'm in person and the property owner might think I'm plotting to steal some (luckily I've never been anywhere near a place that grows orange trees).

Neon lights are amazing and I want them to come the fuck back. I swear, stores were so much more enjoyable of an environment when they were common. Such lights improve my mood in a way I cannot describe. I'm no longer in a hurry to get home if I am in the presence of neon lights.

Sunny days during winter are painful because the sunlight reflects off the snow. I'm painfully blinded if I look outside or go anywhere.

I cannot handle the sight of someone having boogers/snot hanging from their nose, not the sight of someone vomiting, nor the sight of an syringe needle piercing flesh.

I cannot handle the sound of alarm clock bells. I have woken up in a rage and been in a bad mood I try so hard to suppress for a good portion of the day. If I hear an alarm clock bell now these days, I wanna take it and chuck it across the room regardless the time of day or if I'm already awake. It's not so bad if I hear it from a video. In person? That's starting a war with me.

Children crying or screaming (especially babies) are almost painful to me and triggers my fight-or-flight response.

The reason why I was the loudest mellophone player in marching band was to drown out hearing the fucking trumpets. And I did; I was louder than the trumpets. (I quit marching band my sophomore year but for different reasons.)

Much of the music from the 80s that gave it that sound that definitely said it's from the 80s is very pleasing to my ears.

I love punk music for its messages, lyrics, and energy, but goth always puts me into a headspace where I feel like I'm at home; I'm at peace and want to cuddle the monster under my bed.

However, some punk songs can hit deep or strong and live rent-free in my head, such as Anti-Flag's "Racist," Bikini Kill's "Rebel Girl," and Skarpretter's "Nazi Scum."

One particular artist's voice I cannot get over because his is the first voice of any kind that makes me wanna fan myself is Peter Steele of Type O Negative. My favorite song, however, is "All Hallow's Eve" because his voice, the subject, and the lyrical content.

I'm able to hear something off in the oscillating fan my husband likes to use before he notices it.

I'm the one who can hear coyotes at night (doesn't help my mom wants to blast westerns to drown out the world and I'm back here in my room away from that shit though).

I can hear the branches scraping against the house, gently making creepy noises before I realize what the fuck it is, BUT NOBODY ELSE HEARS IT.

I can recognize the call of a robin because we had so many at the house I grew up in, and nobody else in this family fucking noticed.

I tend to notice the sound of the rain over all the house noise first.

I don't like tight clothing, which is why I prefer bralettes because my tits hurt.

If I could, I'd go without the bra because the band can sometimes suddenly feel tighter than it actually is, but because I have large nipples, I kinda need that bra for a bit of protection.

Shorts can be tight around the crotch, hip joins, and lower belly region, and that's a big no-no for me.

I'd prefer baggy pants, honestly.

Can't have tight footwear. No.

The seam at the top of socks or tights hurt my pinky toes if the whole sock/tights shift that way.

I already covered the hair snippet thing so since this is the sense of touch, another body hair thing is I kinda don't wanna shave my pits anymore because they are extremely itchy when they grow back. HAVE to shave my crotch because if I don't it gets horribly itchy, and my thick, fast-growing hair weaves into underwear, gets caught in pads, etc.

Ah yes. Pads. I hate them, but they're far more acceptable than a tampon or a cup because I have vaginismus.

Certain fabric textures are itchy as hell. There's a black shirt I have whose collar and cuffs are gorgeous but I have to wear something underneath to avoid feeling itchy.

Winter is hell for me here in the midwest, as I am very susceptible to the cold to the point of pain, especially in my fingers and toes. I become very slow, too. I feel like I can't get warm enough most of the time.

Air conditioned places in the summer feel almost similar, so I don't always wear shorts if I'm expected to go into, say, a Walmart with my husband to pick up everything. I'll shiver.

(We're gonna get into TMI territory here.) Can't masturbate by hand unless I've got a nitrile glove on because my brain only focuses on what my fingers are touching more than what my cunt feels.

Can't have any sex with my husband without anything brighter than low-light because things can be visually distracting in the room, or lights can suddenly feel way too bright to me. (Halloween string lights or those LED rope lights with adjustable brightness features and colors are excellent for this situation.)

In Conclusion

This is all that I've figured out so far. None of this hit me at once as a realization when I figured out that I'm Autistic. This took a while to realize it, and the realizations were mostly at random times through examples of other people experiencing it on the internet or through me going, "Huh, is that an Autistic trait?"

There may be even more that I'm currently unaware of or have forgotten to type here.

I apologize for how extremely lengthy this was. This took all day to type because of having to get up and do other things that needed to be done. One of the reasons why I really wanted to type this is because it's much easier to organize this on a computer, and I am absolutely shit at organizing files on my computer.

Unfortunately, while my husband is wonderful in supporting me, my parents aren't exactly all that great at it. Especially my dad, who is either vaguely dismissive or outright "forgets" that I'm Autistic (he honestly just... doesn't care, and tries to make things convenient for him at the expense of others most of the time). My mom... I'm not real sure. There are times where she seems to remember and others where she doesn't. I'm honestly wondering if they don't like knowing that I'm Autistic because that means my brother would have been as his traits were far more obvious than mine.

I hope that whoever is questioning whether or not they're Autistic has found this helpful at least in the sense that it would point you in the right direction on where to go next, but I would highly recommend checking out online Autistic communities, as that's where I've discovered that I'm on the spectrum.

#autism #asperger's #adhd #special interests #sensory traits #autistic traits #sorry for how long this is

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neuromedical · 3 years ago

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Week 18 of 39

Alright, so I’ve mentioned that paediatrics is very hard. But it’s also the best placement so far.

We were expecting more theory, as per usual, instead we got some actual work at the ward. Children freak me out - at least the really young ones do so I tend to avoid working with them, but the diagnoses were really interesting. Well, there was also this one doctor who seemed to know dick diddly, but tried to look super smart in front of us. Three hours of our lives, wasted. When the consultant asked him anything, he couldn’t give her an answer so I guess he had to boost his ego on us somehow.

Other than that, I think I got into yet another existential crisis. I found a site about cardiac ICU medicine - which is half of what seems pretty attractive to me (cardiac anaesthesia + intensive care) and... everything there.... looked so................... difficult.................................................. God, I wish I chose a different specialty - and I don’t even know whether they accept graduates at the cardiac centre, yet. I need to ask. And if they say yes... then I’ll panic. Maybe. I love cardiology, there is just something... so logical and beautiful about the heart and the vessels. It’s also very, very complicated. And I’m still not sure if it’s suitable for a fresh graduate. I feel so clumsy all the time, I feel awkward and insecure and just... a lot of “I am graduating in 6 months” feelings 😅

And to be completely fair to myself, I think a small part of me wants to go there for the “prestige”. My med school journey has been tough and long and I think deep down I just want to prove to people that I can handle working at a place like that. And maybe I‘m just imagining incredibly bad, horror scenarios that are wildly improbable, who knows! (It’s very possible.)

On a non-medical note, I finally started reading a book! I finally got to Kith & Kin by Marieke Nijkamp, because of course I’m still desperately in love with the tragic goth twin duo. (This is my Storygraph in case anybody's on there. I don't use goodreads anymore, in this household we limit our Amazon exposure 😁) Hope you had a great week and will have an even better weekend! :)

#personal #medblr

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unboundwanderers · 2 years ago

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"Yes, you did. Congratulations!" He seemed disinterested in the fact that he was talking directly to the owner of the Teahouse he was sitting at. 'CASINO INSPECTION SERVICES' was what he'd used to get in. Manage to produce some documentation on the spot, as well. He was on top of his game today. Now, he was sitting at a bar stool in the secret Casino inlaid within the Teahouse.

He was fiddling with something on the bartable while he was sipping lightly at his tea. It was a glass orb, small red light pulsing within. The Doctor was totally ignoring the casino owner's threatening gaze by hyperfocusing on this orb of his. "Question: If you were lost in a maze, what would you use to find your way back to where you started?"

" found you . "

#the next stop (in character~! ic)#a waste of my time (the goth doctor~!)#orchidice

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yanderepuck · 3 years ago

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I want to tell you guys a story about my ED.

I was fairly small all through school and college. I have an hourglass figure, which don't get me wrong I love it. Wide hips, small waist, large chest. And I mean large. At 14 I was a D cup, and by 18 when I graduated I was a DDD. But the rest of my body stayed the same. My measurements were roughly 44-32-44 (bust-waist-hip; inches).

Amazing hourglass figure honestly. But I still wasn't considered attractive. I wasn't the "cute by crazy" girl. Just crazy (because I like anime and sorta dressed goth). It didn't necessarily bother me. But I think in the long run it's affected me. I've never been. Considered attractive. I was 5'2" and about 135 lbs with those measurements, maybe slightly smaller.

And because all my friends are around me getting into relationships or have guys interested in them I sorta thought something was wrong with me. I thought I was fat. Doctors told me to lose weight at 14.

Now I had no clue what anorexia was or eating disorders. It's 2012 mind you. But due to my daily schedule I was able to get away with eating maybe once a day. I didn't eat breakfast, never did. I'd eat lunch at school bc I packed a lunch, and a good amount of time I didn't eat dinner unless if my mom made something I loved. So for 4-5 years all I was eating was my lunch around 11am every day.

I never thought much of it until summers would come and I would go 3 days without eating. The 4th day I ate a sandwich, and then the cycle continued. I still barely thought of it.

Went to college in 2016 and that's when I sorta started to realize what I was doing. It's not that I didn't eat to feel skinny or anything, I just never felt hungry. But I slowly started to eat more. I went to an art school. We're all weirdos, but still no one ever had an interest in me, and I'm still trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I started being more feminine. Wearing more fitted clothing. Got into make up.

Slowly started to eat more too. No issues. Then I started to realize that I thought food was a waste. I ate it because I had to, and now I'm actually starting to enjoy it. But in 2017 I'm finally convinced to start taking medication for my anxiety and depression. Try different combinations of medications until something works. End up in the hospital in 2019. Get put on new medications and I take them. That's that.

It's now summer of 2021. I'm trying to go out with friends and none of my summer clothes fit. Nothing about my daily life has changed. I work a desk job now so I'm not moving around as much, but I'm still moving and lifting stuff in the warehouse a lot. But what happened? In not even 2 years my medication caused me to go from 135 lbs to 205lbs. My measurements are now 48-46-48 roughly. I have such a gut that so much of what I have doesn't fit. I'm a 38H in my bra size.

Before I realized it was my medication doing this I went to the gym everyday for two months. I damn well know there's no improvement after a week or two, not for someone like me who is still fairly small. Two months of working out, lifting weights running for an hour everyday? 0 improvement. The only thing that happened was that I maintained the same weight rather than increasing it.

After that I lost motivation. How tf am I going to lose enough weight to feel comfortable with myself if even after 2 months nothing happened. So I stopped the dedication of going that often.

Then I got the idea that it was my medication and I went off of it. I went off of it, I started making sure I ate less, I was making myself throw up. By that time though I didn't really go to the gym. I lost hope that even though i took out the factor that was making me gain weight.

February 2022. I'm in Europe. I'm walking everyday but still only eating one meal a day. One meal around 3 pm and I'm good until the next day. A month and a half of that and I lost 10 lbs. Yes all that walking helped but the quality of food does too.

It's now May 2022 and after losing those 10 lbs I feel a little more hopeful that I actually can lose weight and be comfortable with myself finally. My issue now? Finding the time to work out. Finding the motivation to tell myself to do it.

I work 9-7 doing alterations. I'm sitting most of the day. But it's a consistent schedule I can work with that. Oh but I don't pass any cheap gyms on my way to work.

Getting up early to do it at home? I don't have the self discipline anymore to do that, but I'm going to try.

I'm okay with my thighs being as big as they are, I'm okay if I don't lose all the weight in my arms, or even getting my waist back down to 32(tho 34, would be nice) I'm mainly worried about this goddamn belly pouch.

I KNOW. It'll never be flat. That's not what I'm wanting. I have realistic expectations. Half the size it is now would be great. Losing weight in my face would be great.

Rather than going into exercising full and doing the most, I'm starting out small. Do one thing consistently before adding something else to it.

I don't eat while I'm at work. Maybe I have a waffle before I leave, but in reality I only eat between the hours of 7:30pm and whenever the hell I fall asleep. I drink a lot of water and tea.

I just want to feel good about myself for once in my damn life

#eating disoder recovery #eating problems #bing3 eating #ana #i just want to talk about me and my problems #ik all i do is rant but i normally dont actually talk about ME

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beck-a-leck · 4 years ago

Note

For the AU ficlets, I come begging for more shameless indulgence: Dr. Trent x Pastor Carter 48. meeting again at a high school reunion au 🥺

I live to provide all of the shameless indulgence in tumblr prompt form!

Have a little high school reunion Trent and Carter in a slightly modern-ish AU, maybe perhaps just some pre-moving to Mineral Town AU.

Enjoy!

Ficlet AU Prompts

Trent sighed for what had probably been the tenth time in as many minutes as he carefully smoothed the adhesive nametag over his right breast pocket. The woman who had been handing out nametags at the reception table had looked vaguely familiar, but Trent hadn't recognized her last name. Then again, she had most likely gotten married over the last ten years if the ring on her finger and the swell of her belly indicated anything. On the other hand, he was at his high school reunion – the likelihood that people were lying to try and impress their former classmates or save face was higher than normal social situations. He joined the small throng of people who were shuffling into the hotel ballroom. The same place, supposedly, that had held their senior prom. He hadn't gone, he wouldn't know.

He scanned the dimly lit room, half looking for any familiar faces, half looking for the promised bar. He saw the bar at the far side, across the dance floor where a few people rocked and swayed to last decade's top hits under the lights of a disco ball, past the extensive display of posters and pictures of their high school years. Faces taken from the yearbook, group and club shots, those silly little 'elections' they'd done, most likely to succeed, prom king and queen, et cetera, and then somber in memoriam of former classmates who hadn't made it to their tenth reunion.

Trent sighed as he scanned the poster for any faces he recognized, there weren't many, fortunately, but he still felt a twinge of sadness at those who were there. With an uncomfortable lurch in his stomach, Trent recognized the name and face of a former patient, a car crash victim that had come through the ER while he had been doing his residency.

Trent pulled his eye onto the next poster; someone had kept a mint condition program from their high school graduation and had tacked it up with a collection of photos of classmates in their caps and gowns. Trent had gone to a large suburban school, his graduating class had counted nearly 500 students – by his best estimate of people in the ballroom now and nametags left on the table, less than half had deigned to come to their reunion. Actually, Trent had thought fewer people would come. With people flung far and wide across the globe in their adulthood, high school reunions weren't really the local events they had been ages past. With modern communication people who wanted to keep in touch with each other were already in touch, and life updates were easy to keep up with.

Hell, Trent hadn't even wanted to come to the reunion, not really. When he got the invitation, he half filled out the RSVP email out of curiosity, decided against it, had to go take care of a patient, and then forgot about the invitation until he opened his email again and accidentally sent off a half-finished response to the organizers. By the time they emailed him back, asking for the rest of the necessary details and if he had any desire to contribute old photographs or help organize, it felt impolite to refuse the invitation.

Trent made his way to the bar, grabbed a beer, and not feeling in any particular mood to dance by himself, wandered back over to the collage of pictures. He scanned them, looking for familiar faces. He hadn't sent in any of his own, so he didn't expect to find his face in the candid snapshots of laughing friends. But he found his yearbook photo, stiff toothless grin, unenthused and too thin and pimply and his hair cut unflatteringly in a style that was popular back then, and already too stressed out not knowing what was to come though undergrad and then med school. Trent laughed ruefully at this photo of his younger mug, looking just as awkward and ungainly as the classmates surrounding him. They'd all felt so grown back then, seventeen or eighteen, and on the cusp of true adulthood, looking back, even just ten years later, they all looked like kids. Goddess knew what Trent would think of this photo in another ten or twenty years.

He scanned the group pictures, knowing he would be in a few of the club photos. There, science club, hiding in the back row with the other taller boys, and math club, the very small Asian-American club. Enough extra curriculars to round out his resume and look impressive, but still leave him plenty of time to dedicate to his studies. No sports teams, Trent had never been very athletic. His stomach gave a weak lurch when he saw the varsity football team, the quarterback had been Trent's first crush on a boy, but then again half the school was swooning over the quarterback so he wasn’t alone. Unfortunately for Trent and most of the school, Travis had dated the same girl from freshman through senior year, so the crush had stayed a crush. Then there, in the debate club was Emily, the first girl Trent had dated. They'd been together for six whole months sophomore year.

He scanned the photos one last time, smiling despite the painfully embarrassing recollection of his most awkward years. There was a photo of his homeroom class, in matching t-shirts they'd made for their last week of school. He scanned the faces and tried to recall their names and found that he couldn't confidently place half of them. The last time he'd spoken to most of those kids was the last day of school. He wondered if any of them had also come to the reunion.

Another body stepped up to the photo board, Trent shot the newcomer a sidelong glance. He held a cup of punch in his hands, he was wearing a black suit, his sandy brown hair was cut short, he was clean shaven, and – Trent felt another swoop in his stomach – quite handsome in an everyman sort of way.

The man grinned at Trent. "Goddess look at us, we were just kids back then, weren't we?"

"Yeah." Trent took a sip of his beer. "Find yourself in any pictures?"

"Oh. I actively avoided any group activities in school, and I didn't bother with school pictures. But I think there was one I couldn't avoid; it was one of the days I actually bothered to show up. There." He pointed to Trent's homeroom group picture. There was mirth in his voice as he pointed, "There I am, the scowling one."

"That was my homeroom..." Trent did a double take between the sullen teenager with shaggy hair that had been dyed black, with a number of piercings and a couple tattoos peeking out from under his t-shirt sleeves, and the clean cut, easily smiling man with shining eyes, standing next to him sipping punch. He hadn't been wrong; he'd barely attended school enough to avoid getting held back or suspended. He'd had no friends that Trent knew of, had been, as Trent's father liked to loudly complain about, a 'no good shit kicking gutter punk.' And it was probably only because he had stood out like that in Trent's memory that the man's name came back to him.

"Carter?"

Carter's grin widened, "One and the same. Trent, right? I haven't forgotten everyone, have I?"

"No, you've got it." Trent offered his hand, and they shook. Carter’s hands were warm, slightly calloused. "How have you been? What have you been up to?"

“Oh, all kinds of things. Last ten years have been full of change for both of us, I imagine.” They stepped away from the photo boards to take a seat at a table. Carter’s eyes swept over Trent. “Let me guess, you went to med school, became a doctor, didn’t you?”

Trent’s eyes widened, why would Carter remember something so small like his projected career path from high school? “Yeah. How did you know?”

“It’s on your nametag.” Carter laughed.

“Oh, right.” Trent’s cheeks grew a little warm. He’d forgotten that nametags included professional titles, if acquired. And Trent didn’t go through eight years of medical education to not be called Doctor. He took another sip of beer before asking. “What about you? What are you up to?”

“Would you believe I’m in the seminary right now?” Carter laughed and took a drink. “I don’t think anyone who knew me back in school ever expected the angry, goth, near-dropout would end up becoming a priest, but here I am.”

The laugh lines were deeper on Carter’s face than most of their classmates. The wrinkles by his eyes were a little more pronounced. There were hints of past gauntness, a hollowness that was beginning to fill out. He’d been prematurely aged, looking older than their twenty-eight years. Trent suspected that Carter’s last decade hadn’t been as easy as it had for a lot of their peers. He’d seen a lot of faces come through the ER, aged prematurely by one substance or another.

“A priest? How did that happen?”

“Oh, a little of luck, a little divine intervention, and a lot of therapy.” He laughed again. Trent really liked the sound of that warm, easy laugh. “I didn’t exactly join up right after graduation, really it’s a recent development.”

They spent almost the entire evening sitting at that table, taking turns getting fresh rounds from the bar. They mingled with other classmates, making polite if mildly awkward small talk. Trent heard “wow, a doctor!” more times than he cared to count. But at the end of the night as he got into his car, he thought fondly that tonight wasn’t a complete waste of a Saturday. He left with Carter’s number and a plan to get lunch together on his next day off.

#becky writes things #writing prompts #friends of mineral town #sos fomt #story of seasons #i have this completely unfounded idea that high school reunions are primarily an American thing so...#threw in a couple headcanons for that in there as well #one of these days I might go and collect all my tumblr prompts into collections on ao3 but also that seems like a lot of work #not sure how deep into my blog history i want to go back fishing for prompts

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lexpressobean · 4 years ago

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Parent/Teacher Night

In which Shikamaru steps in as Mirai's guardian to help her complete her unofficial assignment of the night and subsequently suffers from nostalgia induced shock from unforeseen circumstances.

**Modern AU, Mild Swearing, late 20-something adults who simply care about the same 10-year-old kid lol

Edit: Now available on AO3 too!

•••

Shikamaru had gladly accepted Kurenai's request for him to attend Parent-Teacher night with Mirai in her absence. It had been his day off after all, and he hadn't planned anything anyway. Plus, it'd only take, what, half an hour at most back and forth? Maybe he could even treat Mirai to dinner, just 'cause it had been a while. Normally, Kurenai would have skipped it all together due to her schedule, just this one time, but apparently Mirai's teacher was offering extra credit to the students as an incentive for them to have their parents come. And Mirai was very adamant that she shouldn't waste such an opportunity. Not for this teacher.

Shikamaru wondered what seemed to make this teacher so special to Mirai anyway. When he asked, Mirai seemed confused.

"You don't know, Shikamaru?"

"... Well, it's not like I've met the teacher either Mirai. But this teacher must be really good at their job if you like them that much already."

Mirai gave him a gleeful grin, "Watch, you'll see!"

And see he did.

Shikamaru wasn't expecting to run into such a classicaly "tall, dark, and handsome" form in the classroom. He certainly wasn't expecting that man to BE the teacher.

"Shino-sensei!" Mirai called, running over to greet him.

And at that, something froze Shikamaru in place. Something almost urgent... Wait... Shino? Shino... Why did that name sound familiar...?

The teacher turned just in time to take her glomp's impact with a deep, "OOF!" into his abdomen, and Shikamaru got distracted by the sound of his voice. Wow, deep... but then Shikamaru noticed his glasses misaligned in the process, and Shikamaru then realized they were... sunglasses? Indoors? Ha, this guy... Shikamaru wasn't necessarily gonna dock him points for that. But the only other person Shikamaru remembers doing that unironically was-

...

... Oh wait...

Oh... Wait.

OH. OH, HOLY SHIT!?

WAIT, THAT'S SHINO!? AS IN "SHINO ABURAME" SHINO!?!?!?

...

W H A T ! ?

"Ah... Mirai, hello. I thought you and your mother weren't coming. I told you it's okay, sometimes people can't come."

"Shikamaru came with me! I didn't want to miss the extra credit!"

"Shikamaru?"

"He's technically my godfather, so it counts, right?"

Shino stayed quiet for a moment and looked over towards the doorway where Shikamaru was still standing. As he recognized Shikamaru, Shino straightened up, gave a brief wave and... a smile?

Shikamaru was dumbfounded. Just a minute ago, he would've simply held up an open hand in response as he subtley and respectfully checked him out. Seriously, how could he not? But, now the movement of Shino's wave snapped him out of his thoughts and Shikamaru probably waved more than really needed to acknowledge the teacher. And he cursed at himself inwardly as soon as Shino looked back to Mirai. Was he blushing? It was feeling kinda hot in the classroom all of a sudden...!

"Alright Mirai, thank-you for coming, but for now please wait your turn, okay?"

"Alright!" Mirai walked back to Shikamaru, smiling widely proud of herself.

From far away, he could hear Shino's voice, "Sorry for the interruption. You see-"

"Surprise, Shikamaru!"

Mirai knew. This whole time. And the more he thought about it, Shikamaru at one point knew too. He just... simply forgot... Wow, what a thing to forget. Damn it, why didn't Shikamaru ask more questions earlier? Why didn't she just tell Shikamaru? Hell, why didn't KURENAI tell Shikamaru!?

"Yeah, I guess you're right..."

As Mirai led Shikamaru around the classroom, he started to try and recall more about Shino. It was all coming to him, slowly but surely. And if what he recalled was correct, this neat and organized classroom definitely would scream Shino. It was decorated with the typical posters meant to be both fun and helpful, and colorful and eye catching. Shikamaru even recognized many of the books in the shelves, though most he never actually read any of them. But there were traces of decorations here and there that were definitely conscious choices. Namely pictures of worms in apples, ladybugs, ants and bees symbolizing teamwork, things like that. Shino was a fan of bugs afterall.

Then Shikamaru found some board games and noted shogi was among them. He was tempted for a split second to pull it out and challenge Mirai to a game, but thought better of it. But what Mirai was most eager to show Shikamaru was her seat. Or rather, what was nearly right next to her seat.

In a terrarium, no doubt from Shino's collection if Kiba told him the truth, held a black and white worm. Except the worm had these orange like eye markings all along either side if it, and black dots in each eye shape... Shikamaru thought it looked kinda goth for a bug.

"We all decided to name it Daidai! Shino-sensei says this one will turn into a moth. Before Daidai, we had a catepillar we all named Marugao, because it's head was so big! But when he became a butterfly, he was so pretty, he almost shimmered!"

As Mirai gushed about how she got to sit next to Daidai, Shikamaru stole a glance at Shino once more. He was still making rounds, and it looked like no one else had come into the classroom either. Hm, looks like they were gonna be last.

Sunglasses had always hid Shino's eyes, ever since they were kids. Shikamaru couldn't quite recall if they were actually prescription or not, but up to this point, they had always been a constant. Otherwise... his former classmate really was virtually unrecognizable. And now that he thought about it, Shikamaru recalled that Shino had graduated from university with a teaching degree some years back, but this information had only been secondhand from Kiba on social media. Shikamaru wasn't even sure if Shino had social media...

Meanwhile, Shikamaru had barely been back in town for still less than a year. It wasn't his fault if he didn't know Shino's business. Medical school was gruelling, and anesthesia was no joke.

But still... Shikamaru had been expecting something similar from Shino. Maybe not a medical doctor, but a doctorate? Hadn't he been in the Environmental Club in high school? He seemed like he would've been very interested in the natural sciences, and definitely had the means... It was just kind if odd. He was an academic star that was always competing with both Ino and Sakura for top of the class as far as he could remember. And those ladies had gone to school to become a Pediatric Psychiatrist and Pediatric Surgeon respectively too. They were all a smart bunch, no doubt about that.

Yet, Shino had always been... different too. He had looked like a troublemaker with the beanies he wore, and his messy, nearly kinky curls always managed to find a way to stick out in the back. And he always had baggy looking clothing on in layers during any kind of weather. Plus he had a bad case of RBF Syndrome too, which would alarm a few others because he was always so good at blending into the background, yet when noticed, he looked like the kind of guy that would mess you up for just breathing funny. He had always been taller than most too, that probably didn't help.

But he wasn't a bad kid at all. Not like Naruto and Kiba anyway. Acording to Kiba, Shino's loner tendencies were due to simple shyness. And he would know, as Kiba and Shino seemed to grow close after they opted to join the Environmental Club separately in high school, which happened to be run by Kurenai-sensei. And that's all Shikamaru really knew, because when Kiba would come out and about Shino hardly ever came. Kiba could be pushy, which is how Shikamaru suspected the pair became friends in the first place, but apparently not enough to enjoy a party or things like that together outside of school... Maybe once or twice? Not even at Naruto's insistence could make him a regular, as Naruto was... an "unofficial" member of the Environment Club. Meaning he'd just crash the club's outings when they did plant specific activities. Naruto had a green thumb after all.

Actually, it always seemed like Kiba and Naruto were those extroverts that had the habit of adopting introvert friends so to speak. Funnily enough, their respective adoptees had already known each other too. But Sasuke was even LESS friendlier than Shino, and even Shino seemed annoyed with him, one of those rare times he let his thoughts show in his expression...

But today, in the yellowish glow of the classroom lights... something was definitely different. From his smoothed out hair tied up into modern bun on his hatless head and his open, light duty trenchcoat that really... accentuated his very... broad, adult figure... It was most definitely different... but the most dynamic change of all had to be that Shikamaru had never seen Shino so soft in the face before. Behind those shades, he looked... relaxed, and when he spoke, it sounded so... nice? Definitely not a bad thing at all...

And suddenly there was a hand in front of Shikamaru's face.

"-kamru...Shikamaru?"

"HUH!? What?"

... Oh... Hell, he spaced out.

"... Shikamaru, are you okay? Busy day at work at the hospital maybe?"

HUH!? How did Shino know that? "Uh! Yeah, kinda..." he shook his head, "Well no, that's not it, today was actually my day off. I worked yesterday. Still a little out of it looks like," he added with a casual chuckle. At least he hoped he sounded casual.

Shino frowned, eyebrows knit into concern. Ah man, how embarrassing! Had Shikamaru been caught starting with a dopey look on his face?

"... I'm sorry, maybe extra credit was a bad idea this time around. Mirai is so dutiful, I didn't mean for anyone to be dragged here."

"What? No way, I wasn't dragged here. Mirai is my Goddaughter, Shino, so I'm perfectly ready to be informed about her progress. I agreed to come, it's no big deal."

The now teacher looked at Shikamaru with a slight head tilt to the right... And then another small smile. Wow, he really had to stop doing that!

"Well, all in all, Mirai is actually doing very well. She already excels in her studies and is easily one of our most engaged and top students at this time. She's still young, but she shows a lot of scholarly promise."

"Ah, I see. Do... do you see any areas in need of improvement?"

"Well, there's always room for improvement of course. But in Mirai's case..."

Shino looked over at Mirai who was at the snack table. She had walked over to get a couple of cookies and was seemingly cornered by a classmate into a chat.

"... I think, she could benefit from some encouragement to be more social."

"More social?"

Shikamaru followed Shino's gaze and saw Mirai talking to her classmate, her expression showing patience more than anything... It looked like the other little girl was chatting up a storm.

"Don't misunderstand, she's definitely a team player and is very respectful. However, her maturity level is above many of her classmates. As a result, she tends to prefer to study on her own..."

Well, that rang a bell. Shikamaru could've sworn that Shino was the same way back then. But Mirai didn't resemble Shino at all.

"Is she quiet?" Shikamaru asked.

"Oh, no, thankfully she's still quite engaged. If anything, sometimes she may overthink things. I've noted she's a bit of a perfectionist, and so is actually a little slower on average during tests, but she's an avid question asker too. If she just had some more confidence in her self and would... relax a little more, I think it'd be good for her. She's still a kid after all, she should feel allowed to act like one."

That was a strange thing to say... Did Mirai... not feel okay?

"... She's Kurenai-sensei's daughter, so I try not to favor her. It's kind of hard when she used to ride on my shoulders during reunions and things like that though."

Shino gives a small, warm smile in Mirai's direction. And Shikamaru is kind of touched. Despite the shades, his fondness for Mirai is so obvious. It makes Shikamaru glad to know she has Shino to come to during school time. At least that was something....

Then, Shino turned back to Shikamaru, who was TOTALLY not staring just now.

"But it's necessary. She's... too comfortable with me... If earlier didn't make that obvious."

Shikamaru did have it in his mind to scold Mirai about that, but that was a talk for later. More private.

"I had meant to bring this up with Kurenai, but Mirai also... has had a habit of staying in the classroom during lunch and recess. I've had to move to the teacher's lounge during just to get her outside..."

"What? Really?"

Shino nodded, eyebrows knitted and a smile that showed a regretful sympathy.

"... I wonder what that could be about..."

"I suppose some kids find it hard to socialize, but she needs a more... balanced perception of boundries. In no time, she'll have her own mother for a teacher too. Otherwise, she's generally doing pretty well."

Shit. Shino was thinking way ahead, Kurenai was a high school teacher. But... he was right, this couldn't be allowed to go on.

"Shikamaru?"

"Hm? Yes?"

"Did you have any more questions?"

"Uh... No, I... don't think so. But, even though I'm sure you don't have to be asked, please, continue to take care of her."

Shino perked up a little at that before smiling at Shikamaru again! It made it hard to stare him in the face, "Of course."

... Damn... Was Shino's smile... always this cute?

"Shikamaru! I brought you a cookie."

"Oh, thank-you."

"Did you want one too Buggy... I mean... Shino... sensei?"

"... Buggy?" Shikamaru repeated.

"... Ah, Sensei I'm sorry, I did it again...!"

Shino pat Mirai's head, and gave a small chuckle even. Shikamaru was all ears, "It's okay Mirai, I'm know you're trying. No offense taken."

"I really am, I promise!" she assured, "So did you want one?"

"No thank-you Mirai, it's for the guests. You go ahead."

"Okay, sensei."

Shikamaru couldn't help it. He just had to say something.

"Hey Shino."

"Yes?"

"You must be pretty suited to teaching."

"Oh? What makes you sat that?"

"I mean... It's been a while. Actually it's been a long time, but... well, I don't think I've ever seen you quite like this before..."

"Pardon?"

"I dunno, you just seem... Very much in your element here. I'm glad the whole instructor thing really worked out. You've been here for a few years already, haven't you?

"Oh... Thank-you, Shikamaru... And yes, I have. I appreciate that."

This time Shino GRINNED. And Shikamaru suddenly was very aware of his... jawline... uh...

"Y-Yeah, of course! Well, I'm sure there's other parents you need to talk to..."

"Right, that is true." A couple more stragglers had come in.

"But here, hold on a sec," Shikamaru pulled out his phone, "I don't think we've ever traded information before. Wanna trade now? I'll send you a text back."

"Oh," Shino was a bit surprised, "Um. Okay, sure."

After getting his number, Shikamaru sent a text and could hear one of Shino's pockets vibrate.

"There, all set! Thanks for talking with me, Shino."

"Thank-you for coming. And if you're not terribly busy, I trust you will be the one to come when Kurenai-sensei is unavailable?"

"Yes. Yes, that'll be the plan," Shikamaru decided right then and there.

"Alright, thank-you Shikamaru."

"No, thank-you. C'mon Mirai, let's go. Goodbye, Shino.

"Bye Shino-sensei!"

"Goodbye."

"Shikamaru! Can we go eat something? I'm starving!"

"What do you want?"

"Yakisoba!!"

"Haha, alright, sure."

Mirai gave Shikamaru a sudden and huge hug.

"Whoa, what's up?"

"I'm just so happy you came, Shikamaru! So thank-you!" she beamed.

It tugged on Shikamaru's heartstrings a bit. She really had missed him, huh? "You don't have to thank me, Mirai, but your welcome anyway. C'mon, let's go."

"It was nice that you and Shino-sensei got to see each other again too, don't you think?"

"Uh, yeah, it was quite the surprise. But a welcomed one."

Hmmm... It looks like Kurenai was gonna have to be unavailable for the next few parent-teacher nights....

••

I kept tweaking it and tweaking it until I decided to simply stop. So sorry for any grammar or syntax errors, but I just needed to get this out of my system haha

#shikashino #anime: naruto #fanfic #ahhh I almost don't want to tag them seperately...#k here it goes #shino aburame #aburame shino #shikamaru nara #nara shikamaru #modern au version of a bigger and more canon based story I'd like to write...#but this happened and I guess I might as well post it #quite self indulgent #as you can see #shikamaru is prone to what we call #~•☆gay panic☆•~#dusk's fanfic

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unboundwanderers · 2 years ago

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"That's because you proposed, Darling." He argued, crossing his arms as she examined the crudely filled out document. He backed up slightly and rested his hands on the back of his head. He laughed though, "I didn't think you had beyonce on your world, Yelan. Not a surprise." He slid his hands in his pockets and let out a long huff. He did have something wasting away in his pocket that he fiddled with softly- but he kept those thoughts hidden. They were in the middle of something, right now- some boring thing Ningguang was asking of Yelan. The Doctor just happened to be in the vicinity, so he got roped into it- often happened.

He leaned inside the doorway to a balcony overlooking Liyue. It was fascinating how the Jade Palace worked. Even if it was a very basic form of geo-telemetric gravity manipulation. Make the rock light enough to float, but strong enough to support a structure. Not unlike The TARDIS and it's ability to control it's weight. He could feel the TARDIS, in his mind- parked out in the Jade Palace courtyard. What were they waiting for? More paperwork? He let out a huff, the item's weight in his pocket became heavier.

"Let's go somewhere." He said after she "accepted" the document, "I'm bored. Let's go catch a midnight double feature, over-" He pointed up at the star, in some random direction. "On that starbase- in the fifty first century." He looked back at her, "Or go watch robotic duplicates of the universe's greatest artists live paint in the sixty-seventh century." He leamed his head back- looking at the ceiling while trying to look at her from the direction he was facing.

@unboundtravels asked :

your name: The Doctor your age: N/A your perfect date: Surely she knows how perfect my dates are. I've never had an imperfect date. Ask her. make out in private or in public?: We've already done this. Several times. do you like to cuddle?: No Complex feelings. tell me something about you: I'm the only one you'd want on a date. why do you want to be my valentine?: I'm your husband.

A VALENTINE’S APPLICATION. || accepting

─「夜兰」─ there was something rather amusing about reading this so-called APPLICATION for the upcoming valentine's, as one would call it. the informant herself usually didn't pay much attention to something so trivial, nor had she ever indulged in the occasion saved for a few dates here and there. a smile donned her lips, even etching deeper at the make out part. he wasn't wrong, they had done so several times, even more than simple kisses, but those weren't needed to be said.

" since when are you my husband, doctor ? i don't recall you ever proposing. " a clear hint of mirth in her voice where she tilted her head to the side, though the fact that she wasn't opposing anything else he had written spoke enough of their relationship despite no verbal admittance was made. " have you ever heard of a phrase if you like it, put a ring on it ? " that statement was going to come bite back at her later, she was sure. after all, the liyuan spy was not the type to settle down. arms crossed over her chest, and a sweeter grin was flashed in his direction.

" accepted. "

#“i would make the same choice every time.” (yelan / goth | lunaetis)#The Next Stop (In Character~! IC)#A waste of my time (The Goth Doctor~!)

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thethousandyearwitch · 4 years ago

Text

Eye for an Eye

A "Medical Experimentation"/Black Market Surgery KakuHida fic, because it came to me in a dream.

"Hidan wakes up after a wild night, only to find himself in an uncomfortable and yet enticing predicament featuring a good looking stranger and the miracle of Jashin. And maybe both parties can get something out of this situation..."

Rating: Explicit due to some gruesome talk

Ship: KakuHida

Words: 1702

AO3 Link

Nauseating Darkness. That was the first thing Hidan perceived when he woke up. The feeling of a room, that you’re not even seeing, spinning.

He should have known that this would happen, after the hot bartender kept pouring drinks on the house before he could even finish them. It wasn’t his intention to get drunk off his ass, but free alcohol and shallow compliments from some goth chick can change a night quite quickly.

Reflexively, the man tried to turn to his side to soothe his nausea, only to feel a firm resistance on his wrists. The restrictive movement called his attention toward how cold he felt overall, and how fucking uncomfortable whatever he was laying on was. At the same time, he could hear some movement close to him come to a halt.

“Hey, hey, I’m not in the mood for some BDSM games, I think I’m gonna hurl.” He slurred and tested the restrains again. A gurgle crept up from his abdomen, and the suffocating darkness still wasn’t giving way to any light.

“What the fuck.” A deep voice echoed, definitely not from the cute bartender that Hidan had hoped he took home with him. It wasn’t a question, more of a baffled statement. The young man wasn’t a stranger to taking men home with him, but this was definitely not planned, and the unclear discomfort from his abdomen that stretched all the way to his sternum was enough of a boner-killer that he just wanted to get a shower and a prairie oyster.

“Dude, just, uncuff me, get this fucking blindfold off, and I promise I’ll write you a 3page essay apology for the missed sex or whatever.”

“What- No, stop. Listen closely to me.” The deeper voice came steadily closer, and Hidan was sure he could feel the warmth of another body inching closer to his. “I am not about to fuck your sorry ass. You had some real bad luck, and drew the interest of one of my clients, who paid me to remove your eyes and a couple of organs.”

The spinning inside of his head only got worse, and Hidan let out a confused groan. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“There’s no blindfold, dumbass, your eyes are already sitting on my desk ready for pick-up. I don’t even know how or why you are alive; you’re probably banged up on some drug cocktail that cancelled mine out. But you’re going to bleed out any second. No hard feelings.”

Oh. He’s been tricked. Of course, free drinks are never truly free, but he’s never paid with organs before. First time for everything.

The pressure on his body became clearer to him now. He could feel the burning edges of an incision, reaching roughly from 1cm below his bellybutton up to the tip of his sternum, between the 6th and 7thrib. The foreign body that squirmed itself under his ribcage, wrapped itself with learned precision around his heart, that could only be a human hand.

“Can you not afford a bone saw like any other unlicensed doctor?” Hidan laughed and could feel the pressure on his lungs. Every muscle in his body slowly started to follow his command again, warming back up with steady relaxation and contraction.

“I don’t need to justify my expenses to a dead man talking. I don’t care about leaving a neatly chopped up body, and neither does my guy who’ll get rid of you after the job.” Something cold and sharp pressed against Hidans Aorta, a scalpel, he was sure. “Any last words?”

The pain from the incision gave way to a booming headache, itching and scratching the inside of his skull. Slowly, white spots came into his visions, like a night sky that revealed itself one star at a time. “Yeah, what’s your name, asshole?”

“…Kakuzu. Goodby-“Before he could finish his parting words, Hidan snapped his arms free of the leather straps that held him down, and he threw himself at the other man’s throat, toppling both of them to the ground. His eyes had fully reconstructed themselves, and away from under the surgery lighting, he could slowly take in his surroundings in dimmer light.

“This place is a fucking shithole.” The floor was dirty, the walls and even the ceiling were covered in dark stains, an oakwood desk near the wall was held together with layers of yellow-ed glue, next to it a beat-up office chair with scotch-tape adorned seating. His eyes wandered to the man he kept pinned below him, covered in Hidans spilled out lower intestine. “You’re not too bad though, damn.”

His hands were wrapped around the throat of a well-build man, probably a couple years older than him, with rich, sepia brown skin, black hair tied in a knot. He wore a surgical mask, but it couldn’t fully cover the ends of what was clearly a not yet fully healed Glasgow-smile. But what was most striking about Kakuzu were his eyes; His sclera was a dull red, and his Iris were a bright emerald green. “Why would anyone want my eyes when you’ve got the grand prize resting in your skull?”

Under Hidans firm grip, he could feel the strength Kakuzu had to use just to speak up. “What the fuck are you?”

“I’m my gods most favorite little bastard! Now, how about a little trade, ‘kuzu?” He shifted his weight off of the other man’s windpipe, just enough to let him breathe under a strain.

“What do you want?”

“My guts, ideally back where they belong. And in return- “He grabbed Kakazu’s hand, which until now had been busy digging his fingernails into the immortal’s arm, and guided it to Hidans restored eyes. “-I’m sure your client would go bonkers over two sets of eyes.”

There was a pointed silence between the two, Hidan grinning as his internal organs tried to work against the pull of gravity, tissue already trying to reconnect itself with a painful burning sensation. For a moment he thought that the incision would close over his exposed organs before he’d get a response.

“Get on the table. I’m not going to waste anymore anaesthetics on you though, or else I won’t turn enough of a profit.”

Hidan climbed back on the operation table, arms rested behind his head, legs crossed leisurely. “Money greed is a sin, y’know?”

“That’s fine by me, I’ll buy myself a VIP seat when I get there.” Kakuzu readied a medical sewing kit, and unceremoniously crammed Hidans intestines back into his abdominal cave, to which he squirmed in response, but snickered as well.

“It’s not too late to repent! Jashin takes every poor soul that knocks on his door with the correct offerings, and I have a feeling you’ve got what it takes. And I’m living, breathing proof of his miracles. Or else how will you explain all of…this?” He waved his hand around in the general direction of his eyes and his open wound, and Kakuzu swatted his hand away.

“I don’t know, I don’t care. Maybe you’re the result of a radioactive freakshow. Maybe I’m finally succumbing to asbestos poisoning. Now hold still or I will have to tie you back down again.”

“Kinky! Say, after you’re done stealing my eyes again, wanna grab some drinks?”

“Drinks is how you got into this situation in the first place.”

“I’m not regretting it~”

This earned him an eye roll, though more importantly, he realized Kakuzu didn’t say ‘No’ to his proposition. The surgeon finished the final stitches and gave his work a satisfied nod. He placed a glass jar, filled with some strange liquid, on a smaller table next to the operation table, and leaned in closer to Hidans head. “Now for the money-makers.”

“Wait-wait-wait, how are you gonna take ‘em out? You’re not just gonna snatch them out with your fingers, right?” Hidan fidgeted, though his manic grin didn’t falter. His chest was rising and falling heavily with rapid breathing, pulling at the fresh stitches.

“You really are an idiot. The eyes are too delicate and firm to be taken out like that. I’ll be using a tool that looks like a spoon, but has the sharpness of a scalpel, to basically scoop them out. Getting scared?”

“Are you kidding? I’m really getting excited now…”

Kakuzu huffed and placed one hand on the right side of Hidans face, using his thumb to pull the skin under his eye down. “No squirming, or I’ll take your teeth as collateral.”

“Don’t entice me, ‘kuzu.”

The sharp, cold tool slid smoothly between eyelids and eyeball, and without much resistance it curved into the eye socket and severed the optical nerves. In just a second, Hidans vision on his right side went black, and his heart beat violently against his chest. The pain was overpowering, searing, and exciting.

The surgeon dropped the disconnected eyeball into the formaldehyde jar, and switched hands to get a better grip on the left side of Hidans face. “Halfway done. Need a break?”

“Stop being a fucking tease…” Hidan breathed out, face flushed with excitement, fingernails helplessly scratching at the side of the solid table.

And without any further warning, the tool slid behind the second eyeball, severed nerves, and discarded it into the jar.

Back to nauseating darkness. All of Hidans other senses felt enhanced, he could smell the preserving chemical mixed with his fresh blood, he could hear the buzzing of the lamp above him, he licked his lips and tasted only his sweat, and most of all, he could feel the lingering warmth of Kakuzus hand still on his face, his thumb brushing over Hidans cheekbone.

“You’re a walking organ bank.” The younger man didn’t reply, too busy with catching his breath. “I could save money on anaesthetics and trying to lure idiots to operate on. I’d have any organ anyone could want – on demand.”

“I’m not gonna let you cut me open every day for free, yknow?”

And suddenly Hidan could feel hot breath ghosting over his ear, so close that cold shivers ran down his spine.

“Maybe I do have some free time for a couple drinks, and a little business talk.”

#kakuhida #kakuzu #Hidan #akatsuki #naruto #fanfic #fanfiction #I would like to formally apologize for this

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