#a lot of emotions ect

[positivelyadhd]

i have been reading through the diary I kept from ages 14-17 and realising how helpful it can be to keep a record of how you're feeling at different moments.

not only is it helpful to write down and process how your feeling and give yourself time to truly think about it, it's nice to have something to look back on. to not just remember how you felt about a certain situation but to actually have yourself from that time tell you.

and also, from an adhd perspective, it's really lovely to have reminders of things I'd almost entirely forgotten. it's easy to think that your life right now isn't interesting, but in 5 years time? to know what songs you were listening to or book you were reading or even that Thing that you were so worried about but now you can't even remember the details. it's nice to have a physical reminder that time passes and things really can get better.

[thecraftgremlin]

The horrible thing about me and my art is that I’m horrendously insecure about it but I’ll look at a certain art or illustration style out in the world and I’ll go “I could do that if I could just get someone to pay me for it.”

[astrow1zar6]

Astrology placements that are ignored/underrated

12th house stelliums: people with prominent 12th house placements tend to be forgotten about a lot I notice. Many were very outcasted from an early age or were used to others pushing them into the background. they don’t get credit for their amazing creativity & emotional intelligence. They have extremely colorful inner worlds and can live more in their head than in the real world which is a reason why they can be easily overlooked in a group. Many feel like they are in the outside looking in like they were meant to just be observers in the world and never participate. They experience a lot of solitude in their lives but this solitude teaches them how to heal themselves & others. They gain a lot of wisdom from their time alone and they can be emotional sponges soaking up others energies easily which is why they tend to isolate a lot to recharge. They need a lot of alone time to function properly in the world if they don’t get enough alone time they can start acting very dysfunctional.

Mercury in Pisces & Cancer: they don’t get enough credit for how intelligent they truly are. Being water signs they are able to absorb information quickly & retain if for a long time too. They tend to have a very high emotional IQ. They have an amazing ability to read the room and can pick up on things that aren’t verbally said. They are quite influential as well and can control what people think to an extent (can be very manipulative because they are so good at emotional cues). They can manipulate you into taking their side.

Taurus moons: although exalted I feel like people really don’t talk about this sign much. They are usually very sexy people and are very comfortable in their natural bodies. Very intelligent and money driven. These people are literal money magnets. Because of their reliable and practical nature many can climb the corporate ladder faster than most. They are very reasonable and factual which is why many tend to be politicians or big bosses. Very conventional personalities. Also the creativity in their fashion is extremely underrated. These people can pull off such interesting pieces.

Virgo placements: I feel like Virgo placements get one of the worst reps of the zodiac. Many describe Virgos as being very naggy, insecure, hypercritical, bland ect. Virgo in astrology rules the untouched, unreachable, purity, devotion, analysis and healing. Virgos also rules over the maiden that is known for traditional beauty in astrology. This makes them usually very desirable and attractive which is why many Virgo risings tend to be models they represent the untouchable and the high standards of traditional beauty. Virgos face a lot of traumatic sacrifices that they often make for themselves & others. Many Virgos could’ve grown up having to almost serve others and make a lot of sacrifices to keep others happy. Could’ve been expected to heal those around them which is why many can be so hard on themselves and expect perfection out of everything they do. Many expected them to keep up a “perfect persona” mostly their family which they carry around everywhere. I also notice a lot growing up we’re constantly criticized for their looks/appearance. For example; Bella Hadid (Virgo risings) dealt with a mother who would compare her beauty to her sisters and commented on her weight. Could’ve been pushed too much to be “lady-like” creating a deep obsession with their looks and lower self esteem. Could feel restricted from showing sex appeal or could be over-sexualized by others.

The 4th house: the fourth house rules over your families karmic cycles, ancestors, all family members, generational wealth, the home, your environment & your deepest emotional point. People with placements here tend to experience mood swings & absorbing other people’s emotions like sponges. You can also tell someone’s life story or background just by this house alone as it represents the beginning and ending point. Most people with a lot of 4th house placements tend to prefer solitude and alone time in order to recharge & their emotions run very deep

The 7th house: is honestly crazy misunderstood! It’s not only about relationships which is what I notice people mostly talk about when this house is brought up. It rules of contracts, how people see you, rumors, law, your part in social standing, and enemies. The way people treat you is based on this house, the way you perceive yourself and express yourself to the world is the 1st house just to get that straight. The 7th house can be a big fame indicator and usually points to either success or failure in the public eye. Which is why it’s common for people with sun in the 7th or Pluto in the 7th to gain massive fame or have extreme power in the public eye, but it can also indicate the rumors people spread about you and the enemies you attract. You can attract a lot of jealousy from others. Having heavy 7th house placements can be talked about by others a lot for good or for bad. You are usually people’s main topic of conversation, people love to hate you! Especially if you have a Sun, Venus, Uranus, & Pluto in the 7th house.

Mercury aspects: you can see someone’s humor, mannerisms and tone of voice through this planet. If someone talks too much they most likely have Gemini-sag in their Mercury, if someone is academically disciplined yet judgmental it seems to always be cap mercs, if someone’s comedic and a great host with a flirty nature usually a libra merc. You get the point it plays a big role and most don’t talk about it much. Most people mistake someone’s Mercury sign for their sun sign a lot!

6th house placements: I find most people find talking about 6th house placements to be extremely boring lol which i understand but it actually plays an important role in your chart. The 6th house is associated with issues relating to our sexual, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. I feel like this house is probably the most under talked about and ignored house out of all of the houses. The 6th house is how you deal with day to day life and your motivation to complete tasks. When difficult placements fall in the 6th house, the individuals with those placements must carefully see how they treat themselves. Our ability to tend to matters related to our 6th house can help fuel our self esteem & ensure that we are in alignment with ourselves and values so we won’t be menaces to society lol. This shows how you manage day to day life and how you find beauty in the mundane simple things.

Gemini placements: they are not just chatterboxes, very rational and reasonable individuals who are naturally curious. Sometimes they act cold and detached but that’s because they like to observe from a 3rd party perspective. That way they can easily read people and question their motives & they are very good at it too being rules by mercury. They usually love puzzles and are great networkers. However surprisingly a lot of Gemini placements aren’t talkative and most are pretty chill and understanding. They are incredibly logical and fun & are very open minded. They are open to really anything if you are convincing enough they love trying and learning new things.

Pisces placements: there’s a lot to uncover with this sign. They are the most sacrificial yet deceitful. Being ruled by Neptune as a mutable sign they have identity crisises often and can take on others personalities & looks. These people are natural actors/ actresses, they have an ability to make you believe they are who YOU want them to be, or atleast they think you want from them. They manipulate people without even realizing and get away with a lot because they are easily adored and almost worshipped by the public. They are the definition of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I see Pisces placements who are stalked easily as well and attract a lot of obsessive and dark individuals. They usually grow up feeling very misunderstood and yearning for others to know the real them but it’s usually difficult for them to be themselves around those around them due to fear of rejection and a difficulty with expressing their needs.

[the-fyre-flie]

Batmans "No Metas In Gotham" rule but all of his kids (the batboys in particular) are secretly Metas. A silly AU

EDIT: PLEASE CHECK THIS POSTS REBLOGS BTW, THERES LOTS MORE STUFF!

Obviously, Dick has weird contortionist stuff going on. He's an acrobat gymnastic, he can twist any part of his body into a pretzel. But that doesn't explain him being able to squeeze into a vent system that even rats struggle to get through. When Bruce finds an 11 year old boy crying through the vents "daaaad I got stuck" he did not expect to find that Dick managed to squeeze himself through 20 feet of 6 inch wide 3 inch tall ductwork into a small pocket meant for a fan. Bruce was left questioning for months if Dick somehow popped a joint to do it, but nope... Dick just straight up has squishy bones. It's an at will thing, so no one's ever noticed it before. Bruce only finds out when Dick yells "think squishy thoughts!" to try and help Bruce free himself from a Joker death trap, and when questioned, is like, "Yeah.. my mom taught me to."

Jason gets mild elemental control. Nothing insane or super noticeable, but he manages to stay completely dry even during rainy patrol nights, fires seem to naturally pull towards him when he walks past them, lights flicker if he gets too emotional, ect. Bruce only found out Jason could do any of this stuff after Jason died and came back. It was raining hard that night. Bruce found his should be dead son. But Jason was dry as a bone. Half of Gotham was missing power, the street lights flickering madly every time the fight moved further down the street. The explosive Jason planted in the helmet seemed to be an all-consuming everlasting flare that was hell-bent burning Bruce.

Tim has night vision. It's not the most impressive or cool or weird, but it's so very helpful. The way Bruce figures it out is he finds Tim in the pitch black batcave, writing away in a notebook while reading some old case files from pre modern batcomputer era where Bruce had written down everything himself. He was attempting to solve cold cases in the dark. At first, Bruce is like "well maybe his eyes adjusted," but no. I (Seth) have been caving/spelunking irl before, it's really fun, but it's So. Fucking. Dark. It's literally impossible to see at all, even when your eyes slightly adjust. He starts to freak out the rest of the batfam by wandering the manor at night without any lights. Sick Tim, standing over Bruce's bed in the pitch black going "I threw up" in the most pained voice ever and Bruce nearly shits himself.

Damian is all sorts of fucked up and weird and I'm not saying the Lazarus Pit was involved, but why else does Damian have an utterly insane healing factor? It's basically impossible to cut him cuz it's like his flesh instantly heals. At first Bruce is convinced that Damian was just taught really well for an 8 year old kid, dodging so many hits, until he realized that actually Damian was incredibly sloppy, he just never worried about getting hit cuz he healed so fast. One time, his hand got chopped off and Bruce was about to have a mental breakdown cuz "Oh god I failed my son." And Damian just holds up his already reforming hand like "father, chill the fuck out."

[peaktora]

𝐂 𝐈𝐒 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐂𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐘 ˚◞♡ ⃗ satoru gojo

𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬 ┊ your husband is unbearably clingy.

𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩 ┊0.9k words. no pronouns used or specified gender for the reader. intended lowercase. established relationship (#married).

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚.┊i’m warning u guys right now that this is not proofread 😭 .. i literally just typed this up rq and posted it bc it’s been too long since i’ve last posted something on here

p.s. the prompt was in my notes from a longgg time ago, but i believe it’s from @/creativepromptsforwriting .. if not please lmk !!

"c'mere, hold my hand," satoru pleads for what has to be the third time. he pouts at you, who’s sitting on the countertop.

your brows furrow as you look up from your phone, "but, you're washing the dishes?”

he twists the faucet handle, and a steady stream of water flows down. after a brief glance at you, he places the plate beneath the water and says, "i know how to multitask, baby."

clinginess is defined as “the tendency to stay near someone for emotional support, protection, ect.” but there has to be another term for what satoru is, because you can't give any of those things while holding his hand right now.

you let out a deep breath and turn off your phone, watching as the screen fades to black. "satoru, there's no way i'm sticking my hand in that dirty dishwater," you say, sliding your phone into your pocket.

he practically shoves the plate into the drying rack. "i can't believe this," he huffs. "we literally had vows."

“what are y—“

“we had vows that said you’d love me in sickness and in health.”

"well…are you sick?" you ask, crossing your arms across your chest.

he pauses his task of washing dishes, leaving them untouched. leaning over the sink, he rests his arms against its edge. he steals a furtive glance at you, only to find your gaze locked onto him. with a hint of hesitation, he softly mumbles, "no..." before you can respond, he interrupts, "but i’m in health, and the vows said that you have to love and cherish me in this state too."

you lean back, searching your mind for what the alternative of holding his hand would be. because in no world would you hold his hand in dishwasher. then, it hits you. "for now, would a hug make you feel better?"

he answers your question with a hum, and you can't believe he's debating whether or not to accept your offer after all that drama over holding hands in dishwater. even so, he adds, "i'll have to give it some thought."

two can play that game.

“it’s okay,” you say, gracefully hopping down from the counter. a smirk spreads across your face. “i could just go—sit on the couch?” slowly, you start to walk in his direction and make your way over to the living room.

he doesn’t say anything, letting you do as you please. it’s not until you start to pass by him, that you get the reaction you wanted.

or atleast, somewhat similar to what you wanted.

"on second thought—" he exclaims, and the dishwater swirls around him as he turns around, his hands still wet and dripping.

you cringe as small puddles gather on the tiles. "hey—" but he interrupts you as he reaches out to grab your wrist. “ew—I—what the hell?”

you instinctively try to pull back, but he slips his wet hand in yours; sealing your fate.

“satoru—”

“what happened to nicknames?”

“satoru.”

"’m not sure who that is. i go by a lot of names, but not that one. lets go down the list, yeah?” he clears his throat. “i go by "babe, baby, swe—"

"you should consider adding "gojo" to that list."

"now, when have you ever called me gojo?”

"right now, in exactly ten seconds.” your husband gasps, hanging his mouth open. “satoru go—"

“woah woah woah—what’d i do to deserve this treatment?”

“you put your dirty dishwater hand in mine.” you jerk your hand back, struggling to escape free of his grip.

his grip tightens on your hand, “if you’re feeling like not loving me today then just say that.”

“hey—don’t discredit me. i offered you a hug and you said you had to “think” about it.”

“cause holding your hand ‘s better.”

you sigh, “after you’re done with the dishes, you can hold my hand as long as you want.“

he lets out a soft, thoughtful hum—the same hum that got you both into this situation in the first place. at the same time you shake your head, a mischievous twinkle appears in his eyes, and a smile twists onto the edges of his lips. "deal" he says, shaking your hand. “but before-“

you tsk, making him drop his excuse.

“wh—“

"the quicker these dishes get done, the quicker you’ll be able to hold my hand. so get on with it—go," you playfully command, and his grip loosens in response. seizing the opportunity, you slide your hand out of his grasp. you look down at it, seeing bits of food that’ve stuck to your palm. gross.

you walk over to the sink, feeling the cool water flow over your hand, washing away the food and dirt that clung to your skin. as you stand there, you hear satoru's voice grumbling from behind, "i hate doing dishes,” and you can’t help but snort.

before you know it, you feel his presence close behind you, his body pressing against yours. his arms encircle you, creating a cozy pocket of space between the counter and his body. satoru leans over your shoulder, gets a sponge from the soapy water, and starts washing a bowl. you simply lean back and look at his features.

the sight almost makes you want to stay in his arms forever. that is, until you realize the predicament you're in.

“you did not,” you whine. you desperately try to break free from the cage he’s trapped you in, but your attempts prove more and more pointless.

"oh, yes, i did," he declares with a smile. “what did you say earlier?" he clears his throat before proceeding. "the faster these dishes are done, the sooner you'll be able to hold my hand," he says, mockingly imitating your tone. "so, the faster these dishes are done, the sooner you can leave and do anything you want."

you sulk and moan while you reluctantly grab a dish and a spare sponge from the sink. “i hate you.”

“i love you more.”

[last-words-ofashootingstar]

Hard Times

Chapter One: After the untimely death of your family, your step-father steps up and takes care of you.

RATED X. MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY.

❥Kim Hongjoong x fem reader

"A little girl who needs her Daddy real bad."

-Ethel Cain, Hard Times ♫

♡'･ᴗ･'♡genre: yandere, angst, smut ➯disclaimer: DARK FICTION. DEAD DOVE. RIP I KILLED THAT HOE- 18+. MINORS YOU DON'T BELONG HERE.

✫彡wordcount: 9k

ಠ_ಠwarning/content: limited short series; see general warnings in the masterlist: step-dad hongjoong, reader calls hj dad on accident / jokingly + he likes it a little too much, age gap (reader young adult, hong in his late 30s), serious daddy issues, flashbacks will be italics and past tense, soul crushing grief (readers parents passed in car crash just before the story starts), survivors guilt, brief hospitalization, kissing on the lips (half) platonically, depepictions of deep depression, medication, mentions of ptsd nightmares, joong yells at reader (but it's kinda fair imo), emotional manipulation (lowkey going both ways), attempted suicide (via pill overdose, reader throws them up->) emetophobia, reader wears traditionally girly clothes + makeup, perv!hong has a corruption / virginity kink, talking about virginity + how readers bf tried to pressure her, non-sexual nudity, pet names including: (sweet, pretty, little, ect) girl, angel, sweetheart, baby, honey

➯a/n: happy fathers day to all the lovelies out there with horrrrrid daddy issues (self shout out fr) let me know what you think <3

୨ sweet as honey ৎ @m00njinnie @seonghwassii @whyismingi @emotionallyanaemic @werewolfcrimson @ninjakitty15 @klllerwaifu @a-tiny-thing @pandyandy71 @monstacheol @aurorasjoongie ₊‧⁺stardust˖⋆ @sousydive @sunnysidesins @onyxmango @devilzliaison @ateezswonderland @queenofdumbfuckery @emilysecresy @kyomiingi @pansexual-and-eating-pancakes

♡masterlist + navigation !♡

────୨ৎ────

"I hate you!"

Hongjoong jumped as he heard you scream from your room, muffled through the walls. He instantly got up off the couch, heading down the hall.

Equal parts nosey and concerned, he stopped outside of your closed door. "Why do you always do this? You promised me that you'd t-" He leaned his ear closer.

"Oh, and now you want to interrupt me when I'm trying to tell you how — Will you listen to me? I really wanted to spend time with you..."

He heard you throw something, followed by a sniffle. "Yeah, no, I get it... Mhm. Love y- hello? Hello?" You let out a soft, sighing, laugh. "Yeah, fuck you too, Dad."

He waited a few moments before knocking lightly. "Hey, (Y/n)?"

"Just- just a second."

You were wiping your hand on your leg as you opened the door, clearing it of the tears you were trying to hide. He, obviously, could still tell you were crying. "What's up, Joong?"

"I was wondering," he leaned against the wall across from your door, giving you some much needed space, "since your mom is going to be late tonight, why don't we order some takeout? I still have that menu from the Chinese place. We can get her some too so she doesn't have to worry about stopping after work."

"Sure," you nodded, sniffling again, "the, uh, Lins Express?"

"Mhm. You liked it, right?" He knows you did, you wouldn't shut up about their honey noodles for hours. It was so endearing — how could he possibly forget? "Honey noodles for you?"

Your eyes softened as you finally looked up from the floor and met his gaze.

He smiled. Gentle and light.

He remembered what you liked from the place you had one time? He's only known you for two months, he must be very observant; that's what you told yourself as you felt the smallest flutter of happiness in your heart.

"Yeah- yes. Yes, please."

────୨ৎ────

"Has she moved yet?"

"Not an inch."

You don't hear them speaking. Not really, anyway.

After your initial shock when they broke the news to you — you cried. A lot.

You cried so much you couldn't breathe. Sobbed so violently you fell to the floor even though they made you sit down on the hospital bed before they told you. Doubled right over and almost smacked your face into the tile if not for the fast acting nurse catching you.

And after that, after the nurse sedated you, you cried yourself to sleep with your face in the pillow. It kicked in fast — left you only with a mere minute to beg them to let you join your parents.

"Can you blame her? Poor girl's in shock..." Your step-father, Kim Hongjoong, leans back in the stiff chair on the wall; crossing his arms over his chest.

He'd married your mother almost a year ago. After her divorce with your father, she had trouble staying afloat. And marrying him helped her back to the surface. Taxes are a powerful thing.

For him, marrying her, it brought him closer to you.

He met you at a work event, when your mother had brought you along.

Dancing in the grass in a sun dress that twirled with your movement, the most beautiful smile on your lips —

He fell in love.

It was a stroke of luck that your parents got divorced a few months later. For him, at least.

And another that you had been on the way back from your old home together, finalizing the selling of it, when you were hit by an oncoming truck. Leaving you the only survivor with nothing but a broken arm, a bump to your head, and a crushed soul. Again, luck for him.

He was still thinking of a way to get his hands on you. And this works. As fucked up as he knows it is — this works.

His is the only family you have left. In the state you're in, in the state he knows you're going to be in for a while, you need someone to lean on.

Might as well be him.

"I think I'm going to head home and get some shut eye..." Your uncle, his brother; Bumjoong, pats his leg as he stands.

Leaning his knee on your small hospital bed, he leans over and kisses your hair. "I'll be back soon." He doesn't know if you can hear him, but he lets you know anyways. "Be strong, kid."

You're staring at the wall, laid curled up on your side just like Hongjoong left you after you'd woken them up with your sobs for the fifth time.

When you don't respond after a moment, he lets out a soft sigh and rubs your arm before getting up. "Take care of her, Hong," he says as he leans down to hug him, "I'll be back tomorrow. Try and get her to eat something, will you?"

"Yeah," Hongjoong nods, hugging his brother back lightly, "I'll see you tomorrow."

He turns to face you as Bumjoong leaves, waiting to hear the door thunk closed before he moves towards you.

He speaks your name quietly as he sits on the twin bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. The blanket it ruffled and messy ontop of you, pulled all the way up to your neck. When he touches your head, he reels back.

You're burning up.

"Get this off, honey," he hurries to pull it off of you, and you still don't move a single muscle. Even as he drops it to the floor and gets up to turn down the AC in the room.

It's almost the height of summer, and you don't even seem to notice you've been sweating for god-knows how long.

"Come on." He lifts you with a groan — his heart breaking as you let out a soft whimper.

He hates that this is the way he gets to have you all to himself. His sweet girl doesn't deserve all of this pain. If he had it his way, nothing in the world would ever hurt you. But it went and stole away both of your parents on the same night, breaking your forearm and your heart in the process.

As he pulls you onto your feet and wraps your arm around his shoulders, your eyes start burning with the urge to cry. Nothing comes out, though. You've already exhausted your body's supply of hydration through your sweat and tears. You squeeze them shut to relieve the sting, sobbing tearlessly as he guides you to the connected bathroom.

"I know, sweet girl," he whispers, bumping the door open with his foot. "It's going to be okay."

It certainly doesn't feel like it.

"I know it doesn't feel like it," he pouts as he sits you on the closed toilet. "But I'm going to be here with you, okay? We're going to get through this together, you and me. I'm here for whatever you need, honey."

He peels the thin hospital gown off of you carefully, forcing his eyes anywhere but your chest as it heaves with the force of your dry sobs. "Let's get you cleaned up."

────୨ৎ────

"She didn't eat anything: I tried, the nurse tried, the doctor tried to tell her she should at least have something..." Hongjoong sighs, holding his phone to his ear as he leans his head against the wall; slumped in the chair. "Mh... You can get her some honey noodles. It's her favorite, so..." He trails off.

"Hopefully she'll eat it?" Bumjoong speaks on the other end of the line.

"Yeah. We couldn't even get her to drink anything. They had to put her on a drip, she was so dehydrated she couldn't even cry."

"Poor thing..."

"Mhm..."

"How are you doing, Hong?"

He pauses for a moment. He hadn't really thought of his feelings — too worried about yours. Your wellbeing far outweighs his care of his own, it has for a long time.

"I'm okay." He says truthfully, "I'm a- I'm sad, I guess. I wasn't in love with her, and I didn't know him. She was..." A means to an end? "A good friend. I really cared about her." Not nearly as much as he cares about you, though. "I'm more worried about (Y/n)."

"It's a really big shock. Both of you will get through this. I know you'll take care of her, you're good like that."

"Thanks, B- oh, I gotta go. See you when you get here."

Hongjoong stands up quickly as he catches you moving in bed. Laid atop the blankets in some slightly too large sweat pants and a tank top, you stir awake.

He's by your side when you open your protesting eyes, holding your hand gently. "Hey, honey." He keeps it simple, "I'm here."

"Joongie..." Your voice comes out raspy from all the crying, and more tears are working their way into your eyes now that you're hydrated again.

"I'm here, don't worry."

You open up your arms, and he dives right in, wrapping his around you tightly and pulling you up into his lap. Your legs lock around his hips, and your arms around his neck, the rough texture of the plaster cast itching his skin; but he doesn't move it as you land your face in the crook of his shoulder.

"I've got you. Joongie's got you." He coos at you like you're a child and really — you might as well be one right now. All you can do is cry and cry and cry.

His hand sliding up and down your back gently keeps you grounded, and you aren't sure if you appreciate it. You don't know if you want to be present while your mind sorts through all of the sudden grief you're slammed with.

Through your blubbering, messy tears, you ask, "wh-ere are- are they?"

He doesn't want to answer. He knows anything he says will make it worse. But he can't lie to you. You deserve to know. "They're in the morgue. Bum just went and claimed their bodies-"

You let out a scream into his shoulder, making him jolt before he hugs you tighter. Pure heartbreak, absolutely soul shaking and he knows the patients in the neighboring rooms have heard it.

Another raw scream rips through your throat, followed by a series of mumbles. "No, no, no, no, this can't be happening-"

"Shhh, I'm sorry, honey," he holds your head to his chest, tucking you under his chin, "I'm sorry, it is..."

He blinks away his tears, cradling you close to him. He can't stand to see you so upset. But there's nothing he can do to make it better.

This is only a wound that time can try to heal.

But that doesn't mean he won't be there as it does. He's always been there, ever since he came into your life. He isn't going anywhere.

────୨ৎ────

You were always afraid of thunderstorms.

It started when you were a girl, and carried all the way into your adulthood.

As the thunder boomed too close for comfort, you curled up in your blanket tighter. And when the lighting flashed right outside of your window; you scrambled up with a terrified yelp. "Mom!"

"(Y/n)?" Hongjoong yelled as he ran to your room quickly, sluggish with the remnants of sleep but bolting to the sound of your voice nonetheless. He was just about to fall asleep, but your scream had him up in seconds.

Your mother wasn't home, and wouldn't be for some time. She had taken to working extra late nights and weekends. It's usually always just you and Hongjoong when you get home from work.

He grabbed your doorframe as he came to an abrupt stop, looking around your room before he heard a small sniffle — and there you were.

Sitting with your back against the bed and your head in your knees, hugging yourself tightly. "Honey?" He called with such gentleness it hardly broke the air.

Your teary eyes looked up from your legs, your lip trembling. He came up to you slowly, placing his hands on your knees as he kneeled in front of you. "Are you okay?"

"It's so- so childish..." You had whispered, wiping your face quickly as tears streaked down your cheeks. Just when he was about to ask 'what?' —

Another house-shaking rumble of thunder made you jump, instinctively grabbing his arm. Fear in your eyes, you opened your mouth; but no sound escaped.

"It's okay," he said, placing his hand over yours gently as you clung to his arm. "Are you scared of the storm?"

Embarrassedly, you had nodded.

"Yeah, I get it — mother nature is a scary son of a bitch." His eyes lit up as you chuckled lightly. "Do you- is there anything I can do?"

You hesitated for a few moments before another rumble shook the walls, then you spoke quickly; "Can you stay?"

You felt ridiculous. A grown woman asking her step-father to stay with her because she was afraid of some thunder and lightning. You thought he'd come up with some excuse to leave and go to his own bed.

But he didn't even pause before saying, "of course, honey." He didn't make you feel ridiculous. Childish.

No, he made you feel safe.

────୨ৎ────

"Are you awake?"

You are. Staring at your ceiling. In complete silence. The comfort of your own bed, your own clothes, the smell of your mothers laundry soap that you always complained about being too floral — it's all so comforting that you haven't moved since you got home... 17 hours ago.

"...Yes."

"Are you hungry?" Hongjoong asks from the doorway, leaning with his hands in his pockets. "The doctor said you should try to eat with your medicine."

You take a second to think. To try and feel your bodies needs. You fall short. "I don't know."

"I'll make you some breakfast."

Breakfast?

You turn your head with a groan as he walks away, looking towards your window. In from the closed curtains, on your floor is the early morning light; trying its hardest to seep into your room.

You roll your head back and sigh, looking at the ceiling for a moment before urging yourself to sit up.

Sit up. Just do it. Just get up!

But your body doesn't respond to your brain telling it to move. You close your eyes defeatedly, keeping the tears held back by your eyelids. "Hongjoong..." You call weakly. "Joong."

He peeks his head into the room before coming in slowly, "yes?"

"I c-" You breathe out slowly, forcing your eyes open. Your chin trembles with your held back emotion. "I can't move."

His eyebrows push together, "do you want me to help you?" He asks softly, his fingers tracing over the cast on your arm.

"Please," you choke out your response, melting into his touch as he wraps his arms under you and pulls you up carefully.

"Here we go, baby," the nickname slips out unintentionally; and neither of you notice it. "Easy does it." He hums as he rubs your arms, letting you sit up on your own as he moves your legs to dangle off the bed.

"When- when are we going to bury them?"

He sighs, crouching infront of you and placing his hands on your knees. "Are you ready to talk about that?"

"I need to- we need to. I can't... I can't just let them sit there." I should be there with them; is what you want to add.

It's all you've been able to think about. Why, of all of you, are you the one to survive? The only one?

"We can talk about it after you eat something."

"Hongjoong, c-"

"Come on," he grabs your hand gently, leading you onto your feet and holding you steady as you waiver. "One step at a time."

────୨ৎ────

"Hey, Hiyyih," Hongjoong greets the young woman as he opens the door the next day.

She's the first person other than him and Bumjoong that you were willing to speak with.

"How is she?" She asks as she pushes her way into the house, taking off her shoes in a hurry.

"About how you'd expect..." He sighs, pushing back his messy hair. He spent the entire night in bed with you, both of you only getting fitful episodes of rest between the nightmares and crying.

But he was diligent and soft with you the entire time, holding you close with just enough pressure that you didn't feel trapped. You just felt... protected.

"Not great. At all."

She goes to run to your room, but she stops herself and looks him up and down. "I've got her. You need to get some rest, too."

"Thank you," he smiles, just barely.

He doesn't want to put you in someone else's care. But, if it's going to be anyone, he's glad it's her.

You've been best friends since childhood and he's got to know her and her brother well during the last year. She cares about you almost as much as he does. Almost.

"If she needs anything- or you, if you need anything-"

"I know where to find you," she nods, giving him a light hug before rushing down the hallway; calling your name.

She finds you right where he left you, laid on your side in the bed; watching your fingers trace along the cast on your arm with the slightest hint of disgust in your otherwise blank eyes.

"Hey." Her softly spoken tone makes your eyes flick to her quickly, relief written on your face.

"Hiyyih," you sit up too quickly, but your dizziness doesn't stop you from getting up and hugging the blonde tightly; getting the exact treatment back.

She doesn't handle you like you're fragile, like the brothers do. And she doesn't carry pity in her voice, like others had, as she says, "I'm so sorry."

Hiyyih hugs you like she means it, wrapping her arms around you tightly and squeezing you into her while you both start tearing up. "I was so scared," she whispers as she holds you impossibly closer, "they wouldn't let me and Kai up to see you. Joong wasn't answering his phone, yours is still straight to voicemail, I was so scared I lost you-"

"I'm still here," you choke out. Pained with the fact. And she can hear it in your voice.

She pulls back with a pout, her arms around your neck gently, "and I'm glad. (Y/n), what happened to you is-"

"A miracle?" You grimace as you recall the word the doctor and nurses said over and over again. "So I've heard."

"It's a miracle she survived." The doctor had told Hongjoong. "Your arm should heal within two months, it's really a miracle." The woman said as she explained how to care for your cast. Miracle. Miracle.

The word even slipped from Hongjoong the day he brought you home from the hospital, as he placed you into bed. Thinking you were sleeping. "My miracle."

"No," Hiyyih shakes her head, frowning. "It's a tragedy. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you're in..."

Hearing someone else say exactly what you were thinking, hearing it be validated — you crash right back into her arms in a wreck of sobs. "Oh, Hiyyih! I can't- I don't-"

She doesn't shush you, she doesn't tell you it's okay. She just sniffles, holding you tightly as you shake with the force of your grief.

────୨ৎ────

"He said that?!" Hiyyih slapped her hand over her mouth as you shushed her.

"Shhh!" You hit her arm, pouting dramatically, "will you quit it? My step-dad works from home."

"Sorry, sorry," she frowned, sitting atop the counter while you cooked for the both of you. "But... he said that?"

"Yeah... That's what he said," you smiled brightly, "he said he'll even pick me up."

"Oh, I'm so excited for you! This is your first date since when? How long has it been, two years, three-"

"Hey, girls," Hongjoong said as he turned into the kitchen, spooking you both into silence. He nodded to Hiyyih briefly before smiling towards you.

"Hey, Hong." You didn't seem to think anything of it as he pushed you forward a bit by the small of your back to get past you to the refrigerator. "If we're too loud, just tell me. Hiyyih doesn't know how to control her volume." You stuck your tongue out at her, laughing as she did the same.

"You're fine," he chuckled lightly, taking a seat at the table with his drink. "What're you making? Smells good."

"Ramen with my secret ingredient," you were already reaching into the cabinet to get another pack as you asked, "want some?"

"Sure. What's the secret ingredient?" He hummed, leaning his head in his hand as he watched you.

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret~"

"It's Tajin and cooking wine." Hiyyih smirked as you turned to her, wielding your fork like a weapon.

"I'm never telling you my secrets again. You've betrayed me for the last time!" You yelled dramatically, snatching up the seasoning she handed to you.

"Yes, you will," she gigged, nudging your leg with her foot, "you tell me everything!"

"Not any more."

Hongjoong watched from the table, smiling, as you and your friend went back in forth with your playful argument. Really though, his eyes never left you.

────୨ৎ────

Neither your mother nor your father had much family. The only ones who showed up to the funeral a few days later was a handful of cousins and some sympathetic co-workers. Hiyyih and Kai, their parents.

Hongjoong didn't let you leave his side, and you didn't want to anyway.

You dread the day he leaves because he's the only thing keeping you even semi-functional.

For the past four days: he's pulled you out of bed, cleaned you up, made sure you took your medicine, he helped you change everyday — claiming it was only worse for your mental health to stay in your pajamas all day.

He must pity you. That's what you think. That's why he's sticking around. He'll probably leave after the funeral like everyone else.

Your stark white cast stands out in the sea of black as your parents are lowered into the ground next to one another.

Hongjoong looks over to you; your bloodshot eyes trained on the caskets.

He doesn't pity you. He loves you.

Of course he feels bad. He hates that you're in pain. But he cares for you more than he pities you. Far more.

He wraps his arm around your shoulders and your head immediately falls into his, your hand coming to cover your mouth. Bumjoong, from behind you, rests a comforting hand on your shoulder.

You don't know what you're going to do when they leave.

Hiyyih, from your other side, rubs your back softly as you muffle your cries. Kai is biting back his tears as he reaches between you and holds your hand. You'll always have them.

────୨ৎ────

And even if you didn't, you don't have to worry about the brothers leaving, especially not Hongjoong. He tries to make that clear as he helps you out of the car.

He came back with you. He isn't going anywhere.

"I'll heat you up some-"

"(Y/n)?" Your elder neighbor hobbles over quickly, stopping the three of you in your driveway. "Dear, look at you..."

"Now's not a great time-" Hongjoong tries to stop her, pulling you behind him gently when she reaches out.

"Oh, I'll be quick," she says as she takes your hands in her own, cast and all.

"Ma'am, really-" Bumjoong similarly gets cut off.

"I just wanted to let you know how very, very sorry my husband and I are for you. You're so young, you shouldn't have to deal with such grief. I was in my fifties when my parents passed, I can't imagine..."

You look up at her blankly, "thanks, Miss K."

"Oh, dear, I'm so glad you're okay! You're such a sweet girl. It's a miracle you survived. I saw the photos on the news, it's a work of god that anyone made it out-"

"Okay, okay," Hongjoong steps between you, "really, that's enough. Thank you for your condolences."

Both you and Bumjoong are looking at the woman like she's grown another head, wide eyes and jaws dropped.

Hongjoong, though, is seething. "We'll see you around, Miss K." He yanks your hands from her grasp and pulls you to the front door, hiding you in his side with his arm around you while he unlocks the door. "What a fucking bitch, read the room-" He grumbles as he pushes the door open, guiding you inside. "Come on, honey."

Bumjoong gives the awestruck woman an awkward smile before run-walking to join you.

Hongjoong is kneeling down, taking your shoes off of you gently.

"Ignore her." He knows you feel guilty for surviving. He, and everyone else, have been trying to get that idea out of your head.

The idea that you should have died with your parents.

"I think I wa- I want to go lay down."

That's all you've wanted to do for the past six days. All six days since the crash — all you want to do is curl up and disappear.

"Come on," he pushes you into the direction of the couch, "Bum, will you make her something to drink?"

"On it."

You crash onto the cushions, laid face down as he pulls the blanket off the back of the couch and drapes it over you. "Thanks." You say shortly.

"Anything you need, honey. Anything at all."

────୨ৎ────

"What're you wearing?" Hongjoong hummed, leaning his head over the back of the couch and looking you up and down.

Dressed in a cute skirt and a button up blouse, all dolled up, you did a twirl that made his heart flutter. "Cute, right?"

"Very~ Where you off to?"

"Me and Hiyyih are going on a girls date. Her boyfriend just broke up with her, so I'm standing in," you laughed as you grabbed your purse from the hook by the door.

"You're a good friend," he smiled, quickly standing up and making his way to you. "No boys right?"

"No, Dad," You rolled your eyes playfully, missing the way his eyes widened a bit. "Just me and her- well, her brother. But he doesn't count!"

"Hmm... I'll allow it," he joked right back after his shock passed, handing you the keys to his car after you pulled your shoes on. You took them with a big smile.

"Really? I was gonna take my bike to meet her-"

"In that skirt? Do you want the whole neighborhood to see your pant-"

"Okayyyy!" You shoved his arm, "I get it, perv."

He smirked lightly — if only you knew the half of it.

"I'll be back before mom gets home," you said as you opened up the door, leaning back to him. "Mwah," you gave him a quick peck. Chaste and fleeting.

That's one thing he still can't get used to. You kiss everyone on the lips, it's just part of how you show affection. But it still makes him giddy.

"Bye, Dad." You closed the door before either of you got the chance to really take in what had just slipped from your lips. Not joking like before.

Hongjoong stared at the door with wide eyes, debating on whether or not he actually just heard you correctly.

Debating on if he should just deal with the consequences of yanking the door open and shoving his tongue in your mouth to show you how to really kiss.

In the end, he didn't. But he thought about it.

He still thinks about it. A lot.

────୨ৎ────

"I made you an appointment with a grief counselor," Hongjoong says quietly over the sound of the rain against the roof.

The wind howls, the screen door bangs every few seconds, the television keeps it's steady sound of a show you've seen a million times.

You stay there, laying across the couch, unmoving with your unfocused eyes on the TV.

"Did you hear me, honey?"

"...Yeah."

"Is th-" He sighs, rubbing his face as he leans on the doorframe. He's asked you 'is there anything you need' five times a day, at the very least. And he never got an answer.

He's not been guiding you through your grief — he's just been keeping you afloat so that you don't drown in it completely.

He needs to know what you need to start getting through it.

"I'm really trying. I really am, (Y/n)... But I can't help you if you don't tell me what you need."

The lights flicker with a loud rumble of thunder, and his heart breaks a little more as he watches you flinch.

He pushes off of the wall, getting a tissue from the third box you've gone through this week and a half on his way over.

When he kneels in front of you and dabs your tears away, they start flowing quicker. "Shhh," he coos softly, rubbing your arm as you hold yourself, "I know. I know, honey."

His blurry figure pouts as you meet his gaze. "I need-" Your voice cracks, "I need you to hold me."

He presses his lips together in a gentle smile, "okay. I can do that."

You finally push yourself off of the couch for the first time in hours, sniffling quietly.

He sits next to you and pats his lap lightly, urging you forward. Carefully, you sit sideways atop of him; your shoulders slumped and your head low as you wipe your eyes.

As he wraps his arms around you, you can't help the wave of ugly sobs that come with the comfort of his touch.

"It's okay," he says softly as he presses his forehead against your shoulder, "cry it all out."

You turn quickly, hugging his neck and crying into him, "why am I alive, Joongie?"

He's well and true speechless. He has no idea what to say. How to comfort you. "Don't... don't say that."

"It should have been me-"

"Stop. Stop talking like that, honey."

When his palms touch your cheeks, you almost think he's slapped you from both sides simultaneously — but his touch is soft, and it doesn't move.

His eyes flick wildly across your teary face, his finger twitching on your cheekbones. "Don't say that. Don't fucking say that."

"Why are you even here? You can leave, go find an actual girlfriend-"

"I don't want to." He breathes softly, frantic eyes finally locking on yours, "I don't want to leave. This is our home. This is where we belong, together. I don't want a girlfriend, I want you."

"Wh-"

"I want to stay with you," he shakes his head as if correcting himself, "I want to take care of you, honey. Please, please just let me. You don't need to do this on your own — you can't. I want to stay."

Your pout only gets bigger, bottom lip trembling and calling his attention. "Why?"

"Because I care about you."

Despite the circumstances, his heart is trying to beat out of his chest to try and jump into yours. He means every word he says, but you don't know the extent.

"Don't say those things again, baby. Never. You deserve to live. And I'm not going to leave. Especially not when you're hurting so bad."

A bittersweet warmth touches your soul for the first time since the accident. The corners of your lips twitch up instead of down. "R-really?"

He takes a steadying breath before he pecks your lips, holding himself back. "Really."

────୨ৎ────

"Joong." You grab his wrist as he turns to leave your bedroom the next night, looking down at the floor.

"Yup? Yes, honey?" He turns back around quickly, rubbing your arm.

He had helped you clean up and change into your pajamas, and was about to go do the same for himself.

Hiyyih had visited again, but left a few hours ago, promising she'd come back soon. You hugged her extra tight.

"I just wanted to say... thank you for taking care of me and my mom. You're a really nice guy. I hope- I hope one day you'll get to have an actual family."

He wants to tell you you are his family. But he just smiles and pets your freshly washed hair. "You're sweet."

He gets the wind knocked out of him as you crash into him. Hugging him extra tight. "Oh-" He wraps his arms around you in return, squeezing you much gentler than you do to him. He waits until you let go — he always does.

You appreciated that about him. He was good to you. "Goodnight, Hongjoong."

"Goodnight, honey. See you in the morning."

You don't say it back.

He closes the door behind him quietly. Shuffling down the hall, he rubs his face tiredly.

It doesn't hit him until he's rinsing his face, staring down at the place where your pain and sleep pills should be. And it's empty.

The door just about comes off the hinges as he yanks it open, running down the hall. "Hey!" Your door gets the same treatment, slamming into the wall behind it as he throws it open.

It's only been twenty minutes — if that. But you're sitting on the floor, leaning on the side of the bed, eyes drooping as you stare at the photo of your parents on your nightstand. Both bottles of pills are empty on the floor next to you.

"No, no, no, no," he mumbles as he runs to you. "No! What did you do? What did you do, baby? Hey, you stay awake, goddamn it!" He slaps your cheek lightly, multiple times in quick succession until you pout and open your eyes.

Wildly dilated eyes scanning his face, you groan. "I'm gonna go."

"Like fuck you are! Get up, c'mon," he grits his teeth as he hauls you to your feet, wrapping his arms up under yours and dragging you out of the room, "you aren't going anywhere! No fucking way!"

"Let go of me," you slur tiredly, kicking your feet weakly as they drag on the floor. Everything is slightly blurry from your tears. The photos lining the hall, the wallpaper they're on — your mother's bedroom door that hasn't been opened in a week.

He falls to the tile with you, dragging you to your knees as you protest feebly, "oh, god... How long ago- oh, god!"

You whine as he pulls your torso over the clawfoot tub, slapping at his hand while he grips your jaw. "You can't leave, you can't! I need you. You can't go." His fingers dig into the sides of your face; forcing your mouth open.

His fingers are in the back of your mouth before you can even grab at him, making you gag. "Ge- get them out, angel." He shoves them deeper, making you retch right into the tub. Bile and half dissolved pills.

But not nearly as many pills as he knows was in those bottles.

He does it again, cringing at the sound of your gagged whines. Not paying any mind to the stomach acid on his fingers as he digs them back into your throat. Only your pained noises as you spew more pills.

"Shhh," he uses his clean hand to rub your back as he turns on the water, washing away all of the filth and pills before rinsing his fingers. "Shhh, you're o- I'm here."

He doesn't dare say 'you're okay'. Because that's far from the truth.

You're so filled with grief and misplaced guilt that the first thing you've done in almost two weeks without being coaxed — is try to kill yourself.

But as you spit up into the tub: hard tile under your knees, heart clenching painfully in your chest, casted arm slipping on the edge, Hongjoong's trembling voice cutting through the air to beg you to stay awake long enough to get the pills out —

You realize you're afraid to die.

He's crying almost as hard as you are as you ask yourself, in a near incoherent voice, "why did I do that?" You cough into the tub, spitting up the taste of your stomach. "Joongie, what did I do?" You yell as you grip the edge of the tub with your finger-tips. "I don't want to die!"

You don't.

You miss your parents so badly that it feels like there's a void in your heart — like someone has hole punched it and left you to bleed out. You feel so guilty for walking away with nothing other than a broken arm that you may as well be calling yourself the anti-christ; like you've committed a mortal sin just by existing.

But you're afraid of what comes after death. If it's pitch black and cold. If it's like a deep sleep. If it's like heaven and hell.

You aren't ready to find out.

He hugs your arm tightly, sobbing into your sleeve, "how many did you take?"

"I t- all of them! All of them!" You shake your head, blinking rapidly, "what do I do?!"

"Open," he shakily lifts his fingers again, wrapping his hand around yours on the edge of the tub as he shoves them back into your throat. "Get them out, as many as you can, honey. Before you start digesting them more."

You can hardly breathe as he makes you empty your stomach into the tub, three more times before pills stop coming up with the burning acid that has your throat raw.

"We need to get you to the hospital-"

You shake your head, coughing dryly, "they'll admit me."

"You need to be looked at, sweetheart..."

"Please," you look at him, begging. "Don't make me. They'll keep me, Joong... I can't- I can't." You squeeze his hand tightly, "they won't let me see you."

His gaze softens even more, lacing his fingers with yours. The rushing water fills the silence between you.

"You were right," you say quietly, voice hoarse with pain; both physical and mental. "I need you to take care of me. Please, take care of me."

────୨ৎ────

You came home late, mascara smudged and half-assedly cleaned up.

"Where you been?" Hongjoong's voice made you jump, holding your hand to your chest. He turned around at the table and his eyes widened; practically jumping out of the chair. "What-"

"It's nothing." You tried to shove his hands away as they came up to cradle your puffy and heated face. That, along with your ruined makeup, told him you'd been crying.

He tilted your head up, pouting as he inspected you. "What happened?"

His soft touch, his gentle tone, the genuine concern in his eyes — it made you burst into another round of tears.

"Oh-" He shook his head, shushing you as he rubbed your cheekbones with his thumbs, "hey, shhh, you don't need to cry, sweetheart. Whatever it is, I can try to help you."

You threw yourself into his chest, hugging him tightly and leaving him a bit surprised for a moment before he returned the favor.

It was the first time he ever called you anything other than 'honey'.

He let you cry into his chest for a good few minutes before you finally exhausted yourself; sniffling and holding onto him.

"Want to tell me what this is about?" He whispered as he traced on your back.

"He dumped me."

Hongjoong wanted to jump for joy, but he hid his smile as he continued to hold your head to his shoulder; trying to keep his tone even. "He doesn't know what he's missing, honey."

"Can I... could I ask you something a bit personal, Joong? About guys?"

"Sure." He smoothed out his expression as you leaned back. He'd answer any question you ask without hesitation.

"Well... I know you and my mom don't have sex-" His eyes widened a bit, having absolutely no idea where you were going. "-and... I was just curious if guys really do get blue balls if they don't... do it? God, I sound ridiculous." You laughed humorlessly, wiping your cheeks.

"Uuuuhm- sorry, sorry." He scratched his neck, feeling heat creeping up it. "I wasn't expecting that-"

"You don't have to answer, I just- well... Google wasn't very helpful. It was a bunch of incels on Reddit, not the most reliable source."

He pushed a hand through his hair as he wandered back to the table, sitting quickly. "No, that's not true." He looked down, and then back to you in a split second, "why?"

He noticed your unease, the way you swallowed with a bit of trouble; like there was a lump in your throat.

"He said that's why he couldn't be with me anymore... We were just w-" You cleared your throat, choosing to leave out the details, "he said because I won't put out."

"That's stupid, honey-" Your heart dropped for a split second, thinking he was telling you you should go back to him and- "-you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

You slunk into the chair across from him, tapping your fingers on the table as you bit your lip. "You seriously don't get blue balls? He made it sound so real..."

He laughed a bit, fondly. Reaching over, he held your hand softly, "seriously. We can handle it on our own." Looking over your features slowly, watching you take in the information; his eyebrows pressed together. "Are you a virgin?"

The question had caught you both off guard, and he let go of your hand quickly to cover his mouth. "I'm so sorry. I did not mean to say that."

Although a bit mortified of answering, you thought it a fair question. You know he didn't mean to ask, and he was definitely not expecting an answer — he was fully expecting a scold or a slap or for you to completely ignore his personal inquiry.

But you just spoke, "yeah."

You didn't know it, but his wide eyes weren't of shock. They were of wonder and awe. Can you get more perfect? Is what he was thinking in the brief moment of silence that hung between you.

He swallowed thickly before speaking, "and that's why he broke up with you? Because you aren't ready to have sex?"

"Yeah, but, I mean," you shrugged, "I see where he's coming from-"

"No, no, noooo," he interrupted, quickly, "absolutely not!" He met your eyes and spoke sincerely, "you should wait until you're ready. Don't let that jackass get in your head. If it's important to you, you should do it with someone special."

"You really think that? Most people say I'm overreacting, being too picky..." You looked away, sighing, "most people my age don't really think it's such a big deal. I mean, it really is mostly societal- but for me, I want to feel safe with the person who I literally let inside of me, y'know?"

He was internally freaking the fuck out, but he kept a calm face; nodding along with your words. It was your first time ever opening up to him about something so undeniably personal.

"No, that's completely valid," he said quickly when he realized you were done talking; looking to him for a response. "I can imagine it's scary to you, right?"

"Yeah," you leaned your head on your hand, "it is."

He'll make sure you never feel scared with him. He can take much better care of you than any boy your age ever could. He should make sure you stop going on dates — one of these times, you might give into their pressuring. All of these thoughts ran through his mind as he watched you, his heart in his throat. What can he do to make you feel better?

"Hey, honey?" He broke the silence carefully, a smile tugging on his lips as you looked up at him. "Have you ever egged someone's house?"

────୨ৎ────

"How are you feeling?" Hongjoong asks for the third time in twenty minutes, looking over to you as he puts the stopper in the tub.

Letting it fill with lukewarm water, he sits on the edge to face you.

"Tired," you whisper as you pick at the plaster cast. "My throat hurts- you had to jab me so hard?" You're fuzzy headed and it's the first time you've even gotten close to laughing.

Your small joking tone doesn't amuse him though, not when you're still in the danger zone and refusing to go to the hospital.

He knows he should just pick your ass up and make you go. But he can't bring himself to, the thought of them keeping you away from him nagging him into doing research as fast as possible so he can take care of you.

You're going to be so pissed when he keeps you awake for the next few hours, already nodding off every so often with your head rolling back and forth on the wall you rest on. But he isn't risking letting you fall asleep. Not when you never waking up is a possibility.

He knocks his foot against yours as your eyes droop for the umpteenth time.

"Let me sleep," you draw on in a whine, slapping at his foot clumsily.

"No. You need to stay awake for at least a few hours until I know you're okay."

You peek your eyes open and pout up at him, dramatically at first. But it turns genuine as you register the sternness, the care and concern on his face.

His nose slightly red from crying, his eyes puffy, and his hair a mess.

"I'm sorry." You blurt out quickly. "I d- I just..." You squeeze your eyes shut as you roll your head to face away from him. "I don't even know. I'm sorry..."

"Why did you do that?" He deadpans, finally asking the million dollar question.

"I don't know-"

"Yes, you do."

"I don't!"

"Stop lying to me!"

You flinch as he stands quickly, looking up at him with wide eyes.

"Stop lying to yourself! You didn't do this for the fuck of it. You were trying to kill yourself! I want to know why! Why would you do something so stupid? What if I hadn't noticed? Huh? You were just going to lay there on the floor until you seized to death? Until your heart gave out? All alone i- What- I can't-" He paces back and forth in the small space, gripping his hair.

He stops as he hears you choke back a cry, and his eyes snap to you; still on the floor. Your knees pulled up to your chest and your wide eyes teary as you watch him.

He sighs, sliding down the wall to sit next to you. He holds your hand gently, but his voice is still laced with anger and confusion, "I want a goddamn answer, (Y/n)."

You take a few short seconds to steady your shallow breaths, not daring to look over at him even as you feel his gaze on you. "I feel like... I shouldn't have survived. Like this is some sort of sick joke the universe is playing on me. Why d- why did I get to live and they don't? It's not fair..."

"Life isn't fair," he says without hesitation, "life is fucking brutal. It sucks, but, honey, that's the truth. The world will throw the most vile things at people who deserve it least. It pummels us to the dirt — and you know what we do?"

He squeezes your hand lightly, getting you to look at him. "You know what we do?"

You shake your head slowly, gripping his hand tight.

"We get up. And we keep going. No matter how much it hurts. We keep living, keep fighting. Do you understand me? We don't get to give up just because life is unfair."

Your lip trembles, and before you can stop them, tears are free falling down your face.

"C'mere," he mumbles softly, opening up his arms and wrapping them around you as you crawl into his lap. "I got you."

"I'm so sorry, Da- Joong," you stutter into his neck breathlessly, already a mess of sobs in his hold.

"I know, honey," he hums as he rubs your shoulders slowly, "it's okay, I'm not mad. You just scared me, you know? What would I do without my sweet girl?"

You can only respond with more tears, clinging to him tightly.

────୨ৎ────

The sun rises in through the windows, casting the dim table in its light. Shining on you and Hongjoong in two separate blocks of warmth as you both rest your heads on the surface.

Your fingers play idly with his, eyes barely held open.

He's just the same, holding back his yawns as he waits in silence; tracing your face and committing every detail to memory like he hasn't already.

He had kept you up all night despite your growing aggravation as he did so; the pills that managed to dissolve in your stomach making you unbelievably sleepy. Eventually, around two hours ago, you had given up arguing and forced yourself to stay awake so he'd stop shaking you and blasting music in your ear.

When you made it clear you'd stay up, he turned off the blinding overhead light and rubbed your head to aid your headache.

When the alarm on his phone finally goes off, he breathes a sigh of relief. "You're in the clear," he shuts it off quickly, sitting up and stretching his arms above his head.

"Can I eat now?" You moan tiredly as you rub your eyes, forcing yourself up.

"Yes, and then we'll get some sleep," he kisses your head as he stands. "Cereal okay?"

"That's good."

The events of the night still hang heavy in the air, but less so. In between your bouts of annoyance over not being able to sleep; Hongjoong got you to open up more.

All of your feelings laid out in the open, the crushing weight of dealing with them all on your own has lightened. Your shoulders feel less tense. Your soul feels just a bit less plagued.

You eat in silence, both of you clearing your bowls quickly with the promise of sleep awaiting you.

He doesn't even bother clearing the table before he stands up and opens his arms for you. With a small groan, he lifts you up and allows you to wrap your arms and legs around him. "Let's go to bed, honey."

"Mhm," you hum into his shoulder, resting your head against him while he carries you to your room.

"I'll set an alarm for a few hours." He lays you down gently before taking his phone from his pocket, doing just that.

You expect him to leave, go to his own bed. But he throws his phone down on your bedside table and tells you, "scoot over."

You don't hesitate before sliding closer to the wall, making room for him as he lays next to you. "You're going to stay?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna stay," he smiles lightly, settling on his side to face you. "I need to know my honey is safe."

You roll to mirror him, eyes tired like never before — but he sees a small flicker of life in them as you move closer.

You cuddle into his chest, hiding your face in his shirt as you close your eyes; melting into his hold.

"Thanks, Dad."

The word slips without you even noticing, already falling asleep with the warmth of his body soothing your soul.

But he latches onto it. Letting it echo with something akin to love blooming in his chest, sinking it's vines into his heart.

He isn't going anywhere.

────୨ৎ────

[ririblogsss]

what if Danny give no fu-ks

Ok hear me out, Dannys obsession has never truest been confirmed by the show itself (that I remember) I've seen a lot of people say his obsession comes from wanting to help / protect people. But what if he feels as though that he is now doing more damage than good, after all there are a lot of people getting hurt as colateral damage from the chases he has to go on. Or simply when he has to run away from getting captured.

What if one night he was up late and saw a post about a tragedy that happened because he slipped up (it wasn't even his fault, but he still blames himself for everything). And then he starts looking at all the bad comments against him ignoring all the good ones saying how much Danny Phantom has helped Amity. Because Danny is still human and confirmation bias is real. Imagine how he felt the moment he realized that he was causing people to get hurt instead of keeping them save.

Image the desperation clawing at him with the realization that he has never been able to fully manage his obsession. it makes him sad, desperate, angry.

His entire self is filled with too many emotions at the sametime he isn't even able to identify them and catalogue them properly like Jazz taught him.

and then everything stops and he feels nothing.

Completely and utterly numb.

Like his whole reason to keep going suddenly disappears.

And it has.

He gave up on his obsession and now he has to make / get a new one.

But it's not that easy.

This drastic change could've ended any ghost as they run on (live off) emotions.

Luckily because he's a Halfa, so that has given him the upper hand. Unfortunately it makes it so that he is completely devoid of any emotion.

Months go by and people immediately notice changes, the more drastic one is that Phantom went missing, and eventually a lot of ghost that where coming in looking for him stop. Amity Park is no longer populated by ghosts, and slowly the GIW started to retreat from Amity going to another place following a lead that says there are more ghost activities up north.

But those changes aren't the only ones noticeable. Dannys classmates and teachers can vouch that Danny has changed. Most say he was always quite , and others say he looked down right depressed. Danny didn't do much in classes not that he paid attention before. Its just this time it seems that its not out of being sleepy or anxious about another ghost attacking the school instead Danny looks like he coundn't give less of a fu-k about anything.

He never smiles anymore not even when his favorite subjects (mechanics and space) are brought up. Not even a quirk of a smile. The school decided to contact his parents about Dannys new behaviors. That includes skipping classes, not handing in work, not doing the assigned work in class ect....

And its not like his parents havent noticed, they've had more time in their hands since they aren't using hours of the day/night going out hunting anymore. and they have witnessed their son become a shell of himself. They don't know what to do, and they don't want to worry Jazz about it because she's at collage and needs to focus on her studies.

So when the school contact them and told them that the behavior is the same in school they decided major changes needed to happen. Starting with a change of environment.

Maddie and Jack decided that Amity park was too big of a city with too many people. They could nearly see the stars at night because of the light pollution, hence they decided to move next door to Alicia, Maddie sister, home in SmallVille.

They decided it was the best choice, Danny would be surrounded by nature and he could do online classes that would go the pace he wanted. The move was immediate, the day off they packed everything sold the house and moved.

They only stopped to say goodbye to Danny's friends. A small bye and hug later they were on a 7 hour road trip to their new home.

When they got there the old resident handed them the keys of the home and told them to ignore the their neighbors 'The Kents' as they often made a lot of noice and had group gatherings every month.

The one thing Jack and Maddie forgot to double check was if the house was an actual house or a farm house. Sounds similar, but completely different as they now had 2 cows, 16 chickens, 1 rooster, and 3 pigs to take care off.

Danny was put on duty of taking care of the animals, such as feeding them on time and making sure they were healthy. Jack and Maddie made more of the heavy weight as to re building broken fences and fixing the questionable roof.

(The first thing Danny did when meeting all the animals was name them. After all this was about all the interaction he was going to do.)

Danny didn't have time to think about his lost obsession or his lack of emotions as he was now too busy making sure each animal was taken care off.

Marcy and linda (the cows) were danny's favorite they were very gentle and he felt that they could understand him when he spoke to them the stories of his vigilante past.

On the other hand The Chickens were a nightmare, Glinda was cool as she never chased him down. But Matilda and Bethany were a nightmarish duo spiteful too when he was seconds late to the finding time. Mark the rooster was chill he mainly acted as of he was part of the group that needed protection.

Marice, Betty, and Miss Piggy were the chillest of the bunch never gave Danny any trouble when feeding them and always made a point that they loved their new mudbath installation that Danny made for them on his first 2 days on the farm.

A month after arriving at the farm house Danny noticed that mark was missing. Danny looked everywhere around the property and saw him from afar, at the road. So Danny did the sensible thing anyone would do when spotting a run away pet, and that is call their name at the top of your lungs whilst running after them.

naturally Mark the escape artist run the opposite direction. By the time Danny caught up to him Danny didn't recognize the house he was infant off. So with Mark comfortably in his arms He swears he can see a smug look on marks face. Danny turned away from the house to start his walk back to the farm, but he was met with a kid his age looking at him with distrust.

"Ehhh look kid Im sorry to have crossed the properties border but Mark here" Danny made a point to acentuate Mark in his arms "Runaway from me this morning and I've been trying to catch him ever since, anyways I need to go feed the girls"

The kid starred at him for a second "OMG your from the new family in Mr.duncans farm right? in Aver ST.?" and wow the kid was like a ray of sunshine.

"Yea-" Danny could even finish his sentence before the kid cut him off by starting to talk a mile a minute about how he was so exited to meet people his age that lived near by and how farm chores were harder that normal house chores.

"Jon, give him time to respond. Im Damian this is Jon" Danny jumped he hadn't noticed the second kid at all

"Oh yeah... sorry about that what's your name?" The kid (Jon) slightly less enthusiasm, a bit embarrassed if his tone of voice was anything to get by.

"Danny, Im 15" he responded before he started walking away after all he did need to get in time to feed the chickens unless he wants to suffer their furry. Danny shuddered at the memory that popped up in his head.

"Wait!!! I just thought we could be friends cause we live close by u know" Jon said catching up with Dannys steps. Damian was following from behind.

"Sure kid I don't care" Dannys voice was monotone much like it had been for months.

"Hey were not kids for your information, Im 14 and Damians 16 soon to be 17, so if anything you night be the actual kid!" Danny chuckled slightly it was more similar to releasing air from his lips than a laugh.

Soon a quite and enjoyable science encompassed the group as they went to Dannys home.

"Hmm... you're hold on Mark is adequate and the your determination for getting home in time for feeding is acceptable" Damian spoke up after a while of the passive silence.

"yeah and what is It to you" Danny was slightly urked by Damians default setting speach. He told him as such.

Jon blanched before erupting into giggles that sent him to lay down on the grass uncontrollably laughing. Damians right eyebrow quirked up in what Danny assumed was amusement.

Thus a new friendship grew that day.

They often gathered at Dannys or Jons yard to have picnic in the weekends (as Damian and Jon has school in Metropolis on week days) and hangout with the animals. Danny found out that Damian was a vegetarian and that he had various animals at home. One time he brought his Great Dane Titus, who bodied Danny on sight to give him kisses.

Also Damian was Damian Wayne as in bruce Wayne, Batman sugar daddy. When he said that, Jons milk flew out of his nose and Damian choked on his cucumber wrap. Even Titus gave him a judgemental stare.

Slowly Danny started to smile more, laugh every so often. And things were feeling so much better after not being able to feel anything for a while.

Jazz, Aunt Alicia and especially Maddie and Jack felt so relived to see that Danny was slowly coming back to them.

Danny to this day backs the fact that Mark knew something and planned the whole thing.

[astroyongie]

🍃🪐 What Chiron Says About You 🪐🍃

-> Hey guys <3 a little astro post today! I haven't added the houses because I admit I felt a little lazy, hopefully you can forgive me <3 Please enjoy! this is my personal opinion too :))

⚷ Aries: If you have this placement (well we are together in this), our wounds are often rooted in our self identity as most of our life we had a feeling like we have to prove ourselves we exist or are "good enough." maybe some of us had early experiences that made us doubt our ability to be brave or take initiative (eg, however has this in a 9th house It can translate as trying to succeed in studies, 10th house in career, ect) . This often has ended up in inner anger, and some of us may have struggled (and still struggle) with it. it's okay to stand up for ourselves. However we also have gifts provided by Chiron. we have the capacity to teach others how to believe in themselves, take initiative, and be courageous.

⚷ Taurus: People with this placement often have to deal with wounds related with feeling insecure about self-worth and feeling like they aren't enough (eg. 1st house, 12th house), material security (eg. 2nd house, 10th house), body image which can often come from heavy wounds related to self image (eg. 1st house, 5th house, 6th house) or safety (eg. 4th house, 8th house). Despite all of that, they are the ones who are always helping others finding stability in their life and relationships. They have the right words to help others value themselves, and create abundance rooted in peace, work or any other area depending on the other person.

⚷ Gemini: Their wound is so deep, and often it comes from the constant feeling of being misunderstood by everyone around them which also is linked with the feeling of being unheard and silenced, or not smart enough. Depending on the house, this can translate a lot with carrying secrets in the family, suffering things and never telling anyone, or often being seeing as a liar or as someone who isn't honest. As their grow, people with Chiron in Gemini become a master communicator for others and they are often in careers related with teaching, writing, speaking and connecting with people across the world in general.

⚷ Cancer: I have noticed that often, people with a cancer in their Chiron have deep emotional wounds from their family, from childhood or like being abandon or have abandonment issues, or not feeling nurtured enough. This can often be empathized for people with that placement in their 4th, 5th and 8th houses. Having it in a 10th house for example could be translated as the family putting a lot of pressure in the studies or choosing their children path for them. Because of that, they are often people who have the capacity of healing emotional bodies, they are amazing therapists and doctors. they are capable of creating safe spaces, nurturing others, and teaching emotional security.

⚷ Leo: They bear wounds that often people don't understand simply because they are linked with the fear of not being seen, loved, or recognized for their true self. And yet they suffer a lot due to people not being genuine, because they seek love in places that bring only wounds and hurt. they are known to be lust over and not loved which is deep to deal with. their healing gift however, is the fact that the are able to inspire others to shine, perform, create, and love themselves fiercely which they after try to project on others since they have a hard time to grasp it themselves.

⚷ Virgo: Virgo's are often known to be strong facades and yet, Chiron virgo has deep wounds, and when they feel broken it's such with a depth because it involves feelings of being and feeling imperfect, never "good enough" no matter how hard they try and obsessing over their flaws. Depending on people and the house placements it can be translated in their appearance, in their job, in their selves as partners, parents, children, ect. Yet they are capable of teaching others self-acceptance through Chiron's energy. to others they also teach practical healing (they are good doctors), mind body connection, and sacred services for others and ourselves.

⚷ Libra: It's not an easy placement because most of people with a Libra Chiron will always have to bear wounds related to pain around relationships either they are romantic, family or social/friendships, but also they struggle with fairness and balance, often feeling betrayed, unseen, or unchosen by others. Chiron provides them with the healing gift of being able to guide others into healthy relationships, teaching fairness, diplomacy, and true connection. They make good lawyers, teachers and mediators.

⚷ Scorpio: They have such a deep fear of betrayal and depending on other placements some of these people can have never experienced betrayal in their childhood back ground and yet it's an unconscious hint to it. They also have wounds and fears around feelings of abandonment, they have deep emotional trauma often related with loss, issues around trust and radical changes. some people with a 4th or 8th house placement can experience harsh divorces of their parents or the loss of a parent when young. Despite that, they are able to become a powerful emotional healer for others, guiding people through shadow work, rebirth, and deep intimacy.

⚷ Sagittarius: They struggle with life in a general basis to be honest, but I also have notices that their wounds is often linked with a feeling of being disconnected from truth or betrayed by belief systems (many of these have issues with religion, spirituality or traditional settings in their family and culture). Because of that many of them develop wounds and pains by being stuck in a cultural or a philosophical confusion because of their roots. They have the healing gift of leading others to find their own personal truth, expanding horizons through adventure, faith, and exploration which is basically the core energy of Sagittarius.

⚷ Capricorn: Many people who have a Capricorn in their Chiron are really fighters in my eyes. they often have to deal with wounds of feeling unsupported by the people they love the most while also being burdened by responsibilities (eg. in the 4th house some of you had to grow up too quickly or become the parents. in the 7th house, you often are the caregiver of your partner). Because of that they often feel unworthy of success, or afraid of authority. Yet they have the power of teaching others how to build real success based on their talents, how to be patient, disciplined, and create structures that support dreams and ambitions

⚷ Aquarius: One thing I have noticed is that most people with this placement often struggle with the feeling of being like an outsider in their own home, their own country or their own selves which often can be troublesome or connected with some deep emotional trauma. Aquarius Chrison does not fitting in, in the traditional expectations, and they are usually rejected for being different or visionary. Many of them might have been bullied or kicked out of their homes or example. Their healing gift is the capacity of showing others how to embrace their uniqueness. many of these people create communities to find their own, and dream up of better futures.

⚷ Pisces: Finally we reached the Chiron pisces and of course their wounds are often so carved in their psych that it's hard to heal them. they often had to deal with feelings of being abandoned by the universe like they weren't supposed to be here to being with. they are feeling disconnected from the source and overwhelmed by collective suffering. Their empathy often make them create wounds that aren't even theirs and are transgenerational. Yet their capacity of becoming a bridge to unconditional love is just the most precious thing ever. they are good spiritual healers, they are artistic, and have transcendent compassion.

[moe-broey]

Sometimes I worry I get too self-indulgent w how I portray Alfonse w Sharena, ESP keeping that one FEH comic in mind (which shows Alfonse and Sharena's differing boundaries, and how Alfonse in general "isn't much of a hugger") BUT. In my heart............. I like to imagine....... there are moments where he'll happily allow it. But the Problem Here, is if he gives Sharena an inch, she's taking a mile. She's going to completely smother him. She's dangling off his shoulders and squishing herself against him in ways previously thought impossible. Which may or may not be a contributing factor as to why he's a little apprehensive by default. And it's a feedback loop. Him being standoffish, her trying sooooo hard to respect that when she's STARVING for that physical affection, him allowing it, her squeezing him so hard that if he wasn't in armor he might break a rib. Endless loop. Unique hell. But they do love each other, completely.

[achilleslyre]

but that’s my point— he wasn’t pretending or trying to achieve heartlessness at all. isolating himself? absolutely, that’s a complete different conversation though. appearing heartless was never a goal of his. he didn’t care to work with his team since they slowed him down. he wanted to succeed as quick as possible, get power as quick as possible, to be able to be at itachis level as quick as possible. it’s because of his trauma he acted like that— he does anything to get stronger faster. i mean it’s canonical that he doesn’t even eat food he likes, he eats foods that make him stronger. him not wanting to initially work with team seven doesn’t have anything to do with attempting/pretending to be cold/heartless, it’s just about catching up to itachi. there was no facade he was ever trying to play. sasuke is an extremely up front and honest character. he’s blatant about his intentions and ideals at all times. he doesn’t play any charade.

i never said sasuke was less traumatized in shippuden? he’s literally more traumatized lol. but anyways cutting himself off from others and cutting himself off from his loving self are two different things. i wasn’t responding to his isolation, it was in response to his love. he never was cut off from that. also not that it’s important or even pushes a point but i just want to say that when you’re that young there is a huge difference between being 12-13 and being 16-17. you’re not mature at 16/17 but compared to when you were 12/13…. you’ve matured a *lot*. 3-4 years isn’t much in the grand scheme of things, but it is when you’re that young.

my chosen quote was not from after they established a relationship… it was from the academy days… literally some of their earliest days together before they were even team seven….. so i’m just gonna disregard that whole blurb lol

my point wasn’t intended to be that naruto is all consumed by his hatred, i was emphasizing the topic of the hatred inside him because that’s literally what the post is about. the point was is all his motives are based in the hatred/anger he had as a child for the situation he was put into, and that he’s not a character that is joyful or happy as a main characteristic. just that he has an actual human range in personality, but it all stems from his hatred. he most certainly is an empathetic character and exerts compassion and understanding to other characters (namely antagonists) with tragic pasts but.. the two of us definitely just view the way he interacts with his peers differently. the pranks and mischief aren’t done to gain laughter.. it’s to gain attention. he’s so attention starved as a kid that he does anything to garner it. often times his mischief doesn’t even result in laughter, just anger. so i don’t particularly see why you would interpret that as him wanting to bring joy/laughter to others. sure sometimes it does make people laugh, but it’s shown immediately in the animanga that he causes havoc which pisses people off. it’s always just been that he just wanted other people to look at him.

but he certainly isn’t only snippy and mean to authority figures. he is a major jerk to random people his age too, often times for no reason other than he didn’t like their initial impression. he teases, name calls and sometimes genuinely just tries to fight these characters. he’s just not a character that tries to bring happiness to everyone all the time. yes he certainly has empathy, and brings hope to people and inspires people and he cares deeply about the friends he does make, he’s a protagonist after all. but by observing his connections to people other than antagonists (when he has to exert his shounen protagonist model) he is often a jerk lol.

i feel that so many people seem to take the basis of naruto and sasukes characterization and switch them…. i see too many people infer naruto is made of happiness and love while sasuke of hate and anger but i have always seen naruto as a character that is full of hatred and anger and he has to let go of that with the love of others. sasuke as a character is so full of love yet he has to follow that through with grief and anger and learn to bear others hatred.

naruto never really had the heaviness of love in his heart until he went through the process of controlling kuramas chakra and had to confront the hatred inside him. frankly it says it blatantly that he had always held hatred in his heart for the situation he was forced into and the way the village treated him because of it, until he was able to accept and move past that hatred and have love for kurama and his dad and the people of his village. so i genuinely don’t understand where this notion that naruto is just pure sunshine and happiness came from. sasukes whole story starts out with wanting revenge on his brother because he loves his family and his clan so much. it’s a constant clear notion that he hurts so bad from his brother’s betrayal because he loved his brother, and that his rage against konoha is because he loved his clan that konoha sanctioned a genocide of. it’s constantly stated that the uchiha hold intense love in their hearts.

it’s sasukes connection with the people around him that formed his love where it’s the lack of that connection that formed narutos hate…. the way they expressed their emotions is very different because they’re both in insanely different scenarios no matter how much they understand the others pain. narutos hatred makes him want to finally receive the love that the village never gave him, but sasukes love makes him want the village to experience the pain that they inflicted upon him and his clan… maybe sasuke expresses his love more negatively and maybe naruto expresses his hate more positively, but that doesn’t change the fact that sasukes actions came from a place of love and narutos actions came from hate. they just needed each other to balance the other out….

[astrow1zar6]

Astrology Observations- 50

Jupiter in the 8th house can be a really hard placement to have in the natal chart. Whatever Jupiter touches it expands so when in the 8th house that rules death, sex, rebirth, transformation ect all these are major components of your life. Could have a really intense life and go thru a lot of struggle young. I see a lot of people with this placement experience death at a very young age. Your blessings however come when you push through those dark and you come out so much stronger. Extremely emotional intelligent.

Venus in Scorpio is a common placement to see in exotic dancers

Scorpio risings I notice rarely delete photos on social media or in general. They are usually the people that keep up photos for years. Even if they have pictures with people they don’t interact with anymore (such as an ex). Very hard for these people to let go of the past.

Aquarius’s suns will either come off as one of the friendliest easygoing people you ever met or really stand offish and mean mugged.. no in between

Underdeveloped Virgo moons tend to pick on people a lot. They can try to highlight your insecurities on purpose. If not evolved they can have big mean girl energy.

The people I meet that I see usually have really long healthy relationships are Taurus suns and Cancer suns. (Especially when together!)

Gemini mars people are super impulsive. They require a lot of mental stimulation so the riskier the more exciting for them usually.

A lot of Gemini moons get famous for just recording themselves talking. A lot of influencers have a Gemini moon. You usually have a lot of things to say and are amazing at keeping up conversations which makes you very entertaining to listen to/watch. They communicate best when they just allow themselves to talk spontaneously without planning out what to say.

An Unevolved Pisces Mars is genuinely so scary! They can be so good at emotional manipulation. They are skilled in making others blame themselves for their mistakes. Big mastermind energy.

Pisces Mars I notice also really hate confrontation. They have a harder time speaking/standing up for themselves a lot. I feel like these people are the least likely to start/be in a physical altercation out of all the mars signs.

Mars in Aries/1st house people tend to be naturally toned/ athletic looking. Even if they don’t really work out that much they always look super cut for no reason.

Cancer and Sagittarius placements tend to put on weight very easily

Capricorn risings/Venus could’ve been told to eat more or that they look starved. A lot of people with this placement I notice tend to be very petite/boney naturally. The types that can eat all day and not gain a pound.

Pisces Venus men are either fairytale like romantic or they are extremely bare minimum and romantically clueless.

Aqua Venus’s hate people who are too clingy too soon. They will ghost you so fast. If you want to attract them just act nonchalant they won’t admit it by they are really into people who don’t express much interest.

Sag Venus’s are very experimental in love the types to try throuple or be swingers. I also notice the men are more into 🍒 than 🍑

I’ve seen a lot of Aqua moons be big in the closet gays (my experience not all Aqua moons ofc)

Taurus mars/venus take a really long time to decide if they want a relationship with you they will put it off for so long until they are completely sure. This can be extremely annoying to more fast paced types. They tend to wait too long to the point they miss their opportunity to be with the person they really wanna be with:( but once they become sure they’re in it for the longest haul. Will be the most loyal partner.

Scorpio moons are very easily embarrassed especially when it comes to how they feel. They tend to take things very personally due to their sensitivity which is why most choose not to open up.

Unevolved Libra moons are the type to sleep with their best friend’s boyfriend or try to flirt with them. (Example ; Alabama Barker)

Uranus in the 5th house natives have such a quirky sense of humor. They tend to usually be hilarious and have people cracking up. The most random shit comes out of their mouths. You never know what they’re going to say 😂

Virgo risings hate being late to things. The types to come 10 minutes early to work. They also tend to get anxious when their environment is a mess I notice.

A lot of Lilith in Pisces men tend to have a foot fetish. Lilith ruling kinks & Pisces ruling the feet. They also tend to like fat on a woman or like their women to be more plump and curvy over petite.

Libra placements have a big emphasis on their teeth/smile. Could have big teeth that stand out or an amazing smile.

Gemini placements tend to be amazing singers and have good pitch naturally (especially if you have a lot of second house placements).

Sorry for being MIA for awhile had to take some time to myself to deal with my mental health but I’m going to continue posting more since I’ve been feeling a lot better🫶🏽🥹🩵

[canine-witch]

What is your shadow side?

The Shadow Side is a piece of ourselves that we do not wish to accept, for a multitude of reasons. They could be social reasons, religious reasons, past experiences, ect. Originated in Jungian psychology, the theory is you can begin to grow and become more happy when you face your shadows and accept them.

My intention today is to help the collective find a place to start doing shadow work on this aspect of themselves, if they so choose.

Drink some water, pick a pile, and feel free to discard what does not resonate

🌧️ personalized readings avaliable on kofi 🌧️

─ ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─ ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─ ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─ ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─ ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─

Pile One ~ The Roses

Your shadow is isolation. You may have had an experience in your life, that made you think you could do it all alone. It is a toxic independent and individualistic mindset. You may struggle with materialsim or a sense of constant lack. You may see your medical issues as something you can easily overcome. You don't want to rely on others, because others have dissapointed you far too much.

"I can do it all alone."

No one human can fight all their battles alone. There may be manifestations or blessings coming in through people, which you are blocking by thinking you can make it all on your own. You need to cease isolating yourself. Seek medical and professional help as you need it. Slowly begin to trust humanity again, there is good and bad, and dark and light, like anywhere. Stop thinking you are alone, no person is ever alone.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─ ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─ ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─

Pile Two ~ The Angel

Your shadow is combativeness. You are always the first on one the battlefield, and the last one to leave the war. Defending what you love and experiencing riteous justice is not a bad thing, but you can hurt yourself with your anger. You aren't fighting wisely, nor very effectively. You end up not understanding when the time is to drop people, arguements, and swords. You have healing to do, and fighting like this is just a toxic outlet.

"My anger consumes me; I can't not fight."

You may have a lot of pent up frustrations collected over years of injustice. Something that may be benefical is volunteering in your community. Maybe even seeking a career path which allows you to do good for others. If you are angry over the treatment of animals, perhaps you could volunteer at shelters or advocate for adoption agencies. If you are angry at the justice system in your country, perhaps seeking the ability to control some part of it by pursuing a career would help. Look inwards and see what you care the most about, and put the energy into helping directly. Your anger is justified and right, but it need to go somewhere else.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─ ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─ ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─

Pile Three ~ The Jellyfish

Your shadow is obsession. This may be varying levels of obsession, but you lean into them heavily depending on the day. This may be a concept, person, or place that you associate heavily to childhood or a past wound you cannot release. It is misery manifesting as a fixation. It may have a grip on anything, from your heart to your financials, and you need to accept that this is not joy, it is sadness.

"This reminds me of what I have lost."

You may be fighting the concept that you are sad. That whatever happened is something that hurts you to this day, and shows up in your life as vices. You shouldn't feel shame or feel guilt about these emotions or wanting to process them without pain. But, pain can lead towards transformation, and you are stuck in a spiral. You do have the strength to persevere and face whatever you need to. You do not have to cling to this energy, for your own sake.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─ ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─ ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─

Pile Four ~ The Beach

Your shadow is your broken heart. You may have been heartbroken by a past lover, or someone who you were close to betrayed you, and perhaps used you. This left you with a flurry of emotions, each one swirling and chaotic. You reflect this energy outwards, and can't seem to catch a break or be able to slow down. Or when you do, you procrastinate.

"My heart is broken, and I will never love again."

The only way to mend your own heart is through yourself. You need to find peace and prosperity from the inside, outwards. You need to change your mindframe, release the pain that others gave you, and redefine your life. It may be difficult, and the work may be hard, even excruciating. But you can, and will, save yourself. You are a dedicated person, but you need to learn loyalty to yourself first, before you can mend your broken heart. Do shadow work, affirmations, and spells that will bring you self love. Do mirror affirmations and try to change your mindset. You will be okay again, but it is up to you and nobody else to decide that.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─ ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─ ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─

Thank you for trusting me with your time and energy! If you want a more in depth reading, my comprehensive readings listing is 🌧️ here, through kofi. I'd appreciate the help!

Have a wonderful day, and I hope this helped you! 🌧️

[secretlysimpash]

It's canon that König has severe social anxiety. He's suffered from it throughout his entire life. As someone with severe anxiety (social + generalized), I have some thoughts and headcanons (everything after this lil blurb is not 100% canon).

Okay so I know I said all of these aren't 100% canon but may I draw your attention to this:

"Inability to stay still". Severe anxiety can and will make someone fidgety as fuck (speaking from experience). So he definitely still fidgets when he's not completely in the zone. Leg bouncing, messing with his gloves or the hem of his mask/hood, constant checking of belts and straps, ect. Also, pacing. König paces a lot.

In some cases, even severe social anxiety can lessen with time. This is somewhat the case with König. While it's not as bad as it was during his childhood, he still gets flare-ups that make him feel exactly the way he did back then. He's a 6-foot-whatever giant, but his brain will bring him right back to being that bullied kid again.

From his in-game dialogue, it's kinda shown that he's cocky. It started as a masking tactic at first until he genuinely became cocky...But is also always seeking validation, and realized that confidence is more praised in his field of work.

While anxiety and shyness are normally seen as going hand in hand, this is not the case for König. This man is NOT shy, or timid, or even that much of an introvert (he's an ambivert, imo).

That being said, I do see him as being more reserved outside of missions. Not because he's shy, but just because he's more in his head most of the time.

Back to the fidgeting bit, I see him as having a bit of a skin picking habit. Scarred lips and cuticles for sure. Plus cracking knuckles and cracking his neck.

Has torn up gloves from tearing at frayed bits on them.

Social anxiety will make someone irritable as hell. Anxiety can come out as anger or irritability sometimes, and this is the case for König.

This man bottles his emotions like a fine wine until it culminates into anxiety attacks.

Will come off as not giving a fuck and being confident as hell, but is usually nervous about what people think of him. Internalizes the hell out of it, though.

Can be very dismissive of his own anxiety. Likely grew up around people telling him that he needs to get over it, suck it up, and other similar sentiments.

Does have useful coping mechanisms now, certainly more than he did when he was a kid or when he first joined. And while he probably doesn't keep up with going to therapy now, he was given some coping mechanisms that stuck with him when he did go.

Diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) when he did finally go to a therapist (I feel like his bio describing it as "SEVERE social anxiety" makes this canon in a way, but,,,it's definitely canon to me).

People get shocked when they find out he has anxiety at all, let alone severe social anxiety...Which is fine, understandable even, but hates when anyone makes a big deal out of it and starts prying.

(König x reader headcanons under the cut)

Some people hate being touched while they're going through anxiety attacks or flare-ups. König will unleash the full force of his anxiety-induced anger onto most people that try to touch him when he's going through it. You are not most people.

Let him play with your hair, or play with his. The choice is yours, because he'll be content with either. It soothes him.

Anxiety can be so fucking draining. So when anxiety hits him hard, König is going to be tired. So hypothetically, if he were to pass out after a long day of his brain being the worst liar and he woke up to chores being done/dinner being cooked/sees that you just did something for him...He'd love you so much.

On the other side of that coin, he does have trouble sitting still. So more often than not, rather than staying in bed with you, he'll drag you out of the house for a hike or a walk. Something so you're both moving, focusing on each other and the world around you.

Also, loses sleep from his anxiety. If he's up in the dead of night, he won't wake you up. But if you're awake anyway or wake up and decide to stay up for him, expect to binge watch something mind numbing and/or soothing. Something distracting. Just a casual 3 AM scrolling session through TikTok or YT shorts, watching the most random shit until you both pass back out.

[fandom-skellyweirdo-jumper]

Zenshu's Built in Character Flaws aka Why Luke Braveheart and Unio seem to be Assholes and why I like it. (A repost of a reblog to stand as its own post.)

Regarding ep1, we all gets to see the 'stoic' act of Luke and Unio as we watch them insult Natsuko foe being in the desert without waiting to hear an explanation and leave hear to starve when she is hungry. And than in ep 2, we see blanton sexism that Natsuko points out when he gives his reasons as to why Natsuko can't join the 9 heros.

And I can see how a lot of people might regard these moments as annoying or infuriating as Luke and Unio are supposed to be "Heros" and anime is following annoying tropes. (At this point i feel we can comfortably regard Luke as more of a warrior than w Hero I'd say.)

But, to me, it all makes perfect sense.

Because these unheroic flaws are evidence that Luke Braveheart is a protagonist of an old school fantasy anime film (aka the old school fantasy anime film that Natsuko watched as a kid) and one that was regarded as unpopular/a flop/bad by critics.

Unio has the perfectly annoying traits of a side character/sidekick you'd see in like the 1980s (?) (I'm thinking of scrappy from Scooby-Doo). Arrogant, likes partying and drinking over listening to a warning, wants rewards as a hero, flirts with Memmeln ect.

Memmeln is there as the token women warrior who doesn't even speak up much for herself or show alot of emotions (from what I've seen in the first 2 episodes).

And QJ is the intelligent character that's there more to exaggerated the danger coming towards them than to actually be helpful since its an action anime film. Example: "CHANCE OF SUCCESS IS 3%" & "Charging is what he's going to be doing from now on whenever you actually need him."

They all exist as animated characters that a kid would watch in theater in the 1900s and believe they were the coolest people ever as they believed the film was the coolest thing ever produced. But than acknowledge all the media's flaws once they got older.

All of this I'm ok with and am able to stand because Natsuko clearly does not put up with any of that crap and seems to be admiring everyone for their animation art and nostalgia.

She does not treat them like great heros of legends like people would do with meeting [the Avatar from atla] or [Harry Potter]. She does not worship or dream about them like celebrities but as the childhood characters she has known well and appreciated for a long time.

And I'm really excited to see how the anime grows everyone or even just Luke from their 2D archetype into more complex people. And I'm excited to see how Natsuko treats them as time goes on. (Frankly the running gag of her swinging Unio by his horn in hilarious. She has no respect for anyone🤣😍🥰)

[homeofhousechickens]

Can I talk about something serious. I want to talk about some shared trauma I think me and some of the people in my askbox might share.

If you have experienced something similar feel free to give your thoughts.

Content warning for animal death and child and animal abuse.

I see a lot of people who say they couldn't raise an animal and eat it because they have this horrible memory where their family got them a pet or maybe they just got really attached to a specific farm animal that was or wasnt destined to be killed then at a later date their family either kills the animal in a traumatic inhumane fashion and makes the kid eat it or they sneakily cull the animal then feed it to the kid then go "haha your eating your friend" (horrific to do that to someone btw)

I'm not talking about meat chickens that you named and knew where going to be eaten either but it's also ok if that made you sad as well. It should make you sad it's normal.

What im talking about is when you have a favorite cow and your family knows this, then they go out into the field and shoot her in the head because you backed talk them. Or maybe you're really attached to a specific rabbit, you name it, and your family says you can keep it till one day your family gets mad at you so they cull it and make you eat it.

I want to say that your experience is awful and that you were abused. You are justified in feeling hurt and your trauma is valid.

The sad fact of the matter is your family didn't do that to teach you about death or your food or whatever. It is likely your family did that because they want wanted to cause you emotional pain on purpose. That's why the event usually happens after a bad grade or a you misbehaved a bit. Of course it can come out of nowhere as well because someone was feeling bored and wanted to teach you a "lesson".

There is no excuse for what they did to you, it was cruel.

This has nothing to do with farming or with livestock. I have realized it isn't uncommon for people who went through that to then decide all farmers are evil animal abusers who kill animals on a whim.

Unfortunately abusers exist in all facets of life. If it wasn't your pet horse/goat/cow/ect they likely would have constructed a situation where they could have traumatized you with some other animal if you were the type of child to get attached to animals.

I'm really sorry about this stuff. It doesn't really matter what animal it was either because this happens to all sorts of people from different backgrounds. Maybe your mom threw bleach in your fish tank, for example. It's all still pretty horrific abuse.

What Im getting at is that you're valid in feeling uncomfortable about death and raising animals for food. It just doesn't make the people doing those things evil or the same as your abusers.

To me raising my animals is just the part of the circle of life, which is something I think a lot of people are really far removed from. I help raise something, i treat it very well, and when the time comes i give them a quick and humane death. I never cull something when I'm feeling emotional or angry. I just extremely grateful and thankful for the animal and what it has done for me and will continue to do for me even in death. I think that's beautiful and nothing like the horrible "lesson" that so many others were taught.

[colebabey888]

Clearing Your Gut | THE IT GIRL DIARIES

Your gut is connected to multiple parts of your body, the main areas are your immune system, your heart and your brain but it has affects on a lot of other areas aswell, such as your skin, metabolism, hair.

I had an unhealthy gut and it was very noticeable, through my skin, weight all the way down to my emotional state.

It's very important to take care of your gut, it affects your body inwards and outwards.

Here are a few things I did to clear my gut that could help you too

Began eating balanced meals ( make sure your meals have a mix of healthy carbs, protein and healthy fats such as avocado or beans ect )

Cut out sugar ( I have a very sweet tooth so I was consuming artificial sugar almost EVERY DAY and that affected me so much, especially my skin and it showed. Cut out artificial sugar and try replacing it with healthy glucose foods such as strawberries, watermelon, oranges, berries or make your own sweets mixed with honey, lemon and ginger, similar to cough drops. If you can't cut out sugar completely, limit your intake instead )

Began drinking green juices ( i drink one everyday but a few times a week is more than enough )

Added leafy greens into all of my meals including my snacks ( if you're already consuming a lot of greens then you're more than welcome to skip the green juices )

Exercise ( when i say exercise, i don't mean you have to be hitting the gym everyday for 2 hours, i jump on a bike for 15-30 min and it does the job, the goal is just to move your body so that your body burns fat instead of storing it )

Fixed my sleeping schedule ( i used to have really bad insomnia, your brain needs atleast 8 hours of rest to reprogram and function well for the next day )

GINGER ( i include ginger into my green juices and it's a game changer, but if you're not planning on drinking green juices, try incorporating ginger elsewhere, such as ginger tea or even just eating a tiny block will do )

Limit alcohol intake and quit smoking! ( this is very important, nicotine and tabbaco can have major negative affects on your health but this should be common sense )

Lastly Water ( this shouldn't be something that's new, we need water, our bodies need water in order to flush out bacteria and hydrate our body but make sure you drink enough, I started drinking atleast 2-3 liters everyday. Tip: get an aesthetic everyday water bottle that's atleast 1 litre, this will hopefully encourage you to drink water )

remember that everyone's body is different and some people might need to make more changes in their lifestyle in order to clear their gut, do you research and try making changes that cater to your needs.

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mwah! xoxo, colebabey8.88