#hes angry *a lot*. but yea he does show other emotions. that just wasn’t the point. the point is that everything stems from his anger

[achilleslyre]

but that’s my point— he wasn’t pretending or trying to achieve heartlessness at all. isolating himself? absolutely, that’s a complete different conversation though. appearing heartless was never a goal of his. he didn’t care to work with his team since they slowed him down. he wanted to succeed as quick as possible, get power as quick as possible, to be able to be at itachis level as quick as possible. it’s because of his trauma he acted like that— he does anything to get stronger faster. i mean it’s canonical that he doesn’t even eat food he likes, he eats foods that make him stronger. him not wanting to initially work with team seven doesn’t have anything to do with attempting/pretending to be cold/heartless, it’s just about catching up to itachi. there was no facade he was ever trying to play. sasuke is an extremely up front and honest character. he’s blatant about his intentions and ideals at all times. he doesn’t play any charade.

i never said sasuke was less traumatized in shippuden? he’s literally more traumatized lol. but anyways cutting himself off from others and cutting himself off from his loving self are two different things. i wasn’t responding to his isolation, it was in response to his love. he never was cut off from that. also not that it’s important or even pushes a point but i just want to say that when you’re that young there is a huge difference between being 12-13 and being 16-17. you’re not mature at 16/17 but compared to when you were 12/13…. you’ve matured a *lot*. 3-4 years isn’t much in the grand scheme of things, but it is when you’re that young.

my chosen quote was not from after they established a relationship… it was from the academy days… literally some of their earliest days together before they were even team seven….. so i’m just gonna disregard that whole blurb lol

my point wasn’t intended to be that naruto is all consumed by his hatred, i was emphasizing the topic of the hatred inside him because that’s literally what the post is about. the point was is all his motives are based in the hatred/anger he had as a child for the situation he was put into, and that he’s not a character that is joyful or happy as a main characteristic. just that he has an actual human range in personality, but it all stems from his hatred. he most certainly is an empathetic character and exerts compassion and understanding to other characters (namely antagonists) with tragic pasts but.. the two of us definitely just view the way he interacts with his peers differently. the pranks and mischief aren’t done to gain laughter.. it’s to gain attention. he’s so attention starved as a kid that he does anything to garner it. often times his mischief doesn’t even result in laughter, just anger. so i don’t particularly see why you would interpret that as him wanting to bring joy/laughter to others. sure sometimes it does make people laugh, but it’s shown immediately in the animanga that he causes havoc which pisses people off. it’s always just been that he just wanted other people to look at him.

but he certainly isn’t only snippy and mean to authority figures. he is a major jerk to random people his age too, often times for no reason other than he didn’t like their initial impression. he teases, name calls and sometimes genuinely just tries to fight these characters. he’s just not a character that tries to bring happiness to everyone all the time. yes he certainly has empathy, and brings hope to people and inspires people and he cares deeply about the friends he does make, he’s a protagonist after all. but by observing his connections to people other than antagonists (when he has to exert his shounen protagonist model) he is often a jerk lol.

i feel that so many people seem to take the basis of naruto and sasukes characterization and switch them…. i see too many people infer naruto is made of happiness and love while sasuke of hate and anger but i have always seen naruto as a character that is full of hatred and anger and he has to let go of that with the love of others. sasuke as a character is so full of love yet he has to follow that through with grief and anger and learn to bear others hatred.

naruto never really had the heaviness of love in his heart until he went through the process of controlling kuramas chakra and had to confront the hatred inside him. frankly it says it blatantly that he had always held hatred in his heart for the situation he was forced into and the way the village treated him because of it, until he was able to accept and move past that hatred and have love for kurama and his dad and the people of his village. so i genuinely don’t understand where this notion that naruto is just pure sunshine and happiness came from. sasukes whole story starts out with wanting revenge on his brother because he loves his family and his clan so much. it’s a constant clear notion that he hurts so bad from his brother’s betrayal because he loved his brother, and that his rage against konoha is because he loved his clan that konoha sanctioned a genocide of. it’s constantly stated that the uchiha hold intense love in their hearts.

it’s sasukes connection with the people around him that formed his love where it’s the lack of that connection that formed narutos hate…. the way they expressed their emotions is very different because they’re both in insanely different scenarios no matter how much they understand the others pain. narutos hatred makes him want to finally receive the love that the village never gave him, but sasukes love makes him want the village to experience the pain that they inflicted upon him and his clan… maybe sasuke expresses his love more negatively and maybe naruto expresses his hate more positively, but that doesn’t change the fact that sasukes actions came from a place of love and narutos actions came from hate. they just needed each other to balance the other out….

[spishidden]

Rambling about Mutant Mayhem

Overall: AWESOME MOVIE! The animation and art style is to die for. If they release an art book I am preordering that shit asap. I was laughing so much throughout the entire thing. The emotional moments hit too (if yk yk). And the FIGHT SCENES. DAMN. The animators understood the assignment fr.

(Btw, there is a mid-credit scene that is veryyy important for the future of this universe. Don’t miss it.)

Highly recommend giving it a watch. Turtles fan or not

Spoilers under the cut:

LEO MY BOY ILYSM AKSHKSJS

He is so cringefail and lowkey pathetic (rizzless Leo is canon)

But at the end when he pulled through and he got all excited AAAA it was adorable

They comment a lot on how Raph is always angry, but he wasn’t rlly? It was more enthusiasm and aggression, not outright anger. Not a complaint just an observation

This guy can throw hands fr. Don’t mess with this Raph aksjsn

Mikey and Mondo are bestie goals you can pry these two from my cold dead hands

KPOP DONNIE IS REAL KPOP DONNIE IS REAL AKSHSKSH

The boys(tm) aren’t traumatized yet enjoy it while it lasts

These voices are THE SHIT! Perfect cast for the turtles muah!

I have so many positive thoughts about the dialogue +dialogue delivery in this movie it needs its own separate post

I did not expect them to actually get milked. I thought it was a throw-away line but they COMMITTED TO THE BIT. RESPECT.

April is awesome. Just amazing. Took all the best aspects of previous April’s and combined them together. (That throwing up scene was not for me tho no ty)

I also was not expecting attack on titan to be crucial to the plot but here we are

Donnie’s weeb-ness saved the say

If there’s one rule that every reboot of turtles has to follow is that no matter what Splinter always solos. They understood the assignment

About Splinter, I rlly enjoyed his storyline. It’s made rlly clear how much he loves the turtles and how hard he’s trying. But the movie actively called out his behavior without making him a villain. Bravo.

Speaking of villains, Superfly slapped. Mans was intimidating, cool, smart. Rlly liked his and Splinter’s parallel arcs

The mutant crew rlly were just silly guys aksjsjhs

Kinda iffy on the whole ‘they learned ninjitsu through media’ thing.

I hope that in the show they can touch on that. Maybe show that they’re training is incomplete and have them improve their skills with a proper teacher

But yea that didn’t rlly land with me.

I think my only other nitpick is that the other mutants don’t have enough moments to shine. They def make do with the time they have and it works, but I would’ve liked more ( Bebop and Rocksteady specifically)

Splinter making out with a mutant cockroach was not on my 2023 bingo card

I had tons of mixed feelings about that ending. But the mid-credit scene saved it

I think the turtles being “normal” kids has potential to be explored. I’m not against it

They’re still ninjas thank god

I thought when the mask came off they were leaving it behind

BUT NOPE they still kicking ass

That was my only problem with ending pre mid-credit scene

SHREDDER IS REAL SHREDDER IS REAL

FOOT CLAN IS REAL FOOT CLAN IS REAL

Wonder what they’re origins are gonna be aksjsj i crave new content

Does Hamato Yoshi not exist in this universe? Are they hiding him and are gonna do a dramatic reveal?? Questions questions questions

Also, Utrom?? KRANG??

Love the idea of all these mutants living in the same space

In Donnie’s clip, did that look like the purple dragons to anyone or was that just me?

Are we just not gonna mention that the TCRI technically has some mutagen blood from Raph and Donnie? No? Okay

Now lets talk about April and Leo

It’s not explicitly stated to be canon. April going to prom with Leo felt like it was framed to be a casual, just friends thing. And I rlly hope that’s what they were going for.

Do I ship it? No.

I’m glad that Leo and April didn’t rlly end up together. Because it would’ve been super unnecessary and forced. Nothing I got from the narrative or message suggests that a romantic pairing helps the plot. I despise the ‘girl is clearly not interested but ends up with guy anyways’ trope and I’m glad that it kinda wasn’t there?? Again, it wasn’t super clear. But nothing romantic between them was shown at the prom or anywhere else so I’m going to choose to believe it’s not canon.

IF THAT WERE TO CHANGE depends on the upcoming show.

If the show has a well written, healthy, and developed relationship. I’d be all for it.

Just please do not pull a 2012 again. I saw that meet-cute ik what you’re trying to pull writers you better tread carefully.

And speaking of 2012; when you’re gonna introduce Casey Jones (i say when because yes), if you’re going to try the whole April love triangle thing again, at least make it funny. You managed to make rizzless Leo entertaining I’m sure you can do the same here. Just don’t make it as annoying as Capritello was in 2012 learn from your mistakes

Better yet, pull a Spiderverse and subvert expectations by making Casey an absolute bro to Leo. Idk, be creative with it.

That’s everything for now. I’m optimistic for the future of this universe. Looking forward to that show even tho it could be effected by the writer’s strike but I don’t wanna think about that possibility rn please get ur shit together and pay writers and actors what they deserve

I’m gonna go make a Kpop playlist for Donnie. Ask box is open if anyone wants to add on or ramble about the movie. Have a good day!

(Tagging my bestie) @enlighten3d

[creepytoes88]

Angry sex with Vinnie

So this is a very bratty reader and there is hitting in this I AM NOT ROMANTICIZING ABUSE! I can NOT stress this ENOUGH

THIS IS A EXTREMELY DEGRADING SMUT

But this might be one of my favorites I choose Bryce cus he’s problematic so it seemed realistic to me just imagine him and Addison aren’t a thing lol COVID DOESN’T EXIST IN ANY OF MY STORIES Covid makes me sad 😢 OK LOVE YOU GUYSSSSS ♥️🤌🥸

I’m almost done getting ready when I hear Vinnie come in the room. Vinnie and I are going to Jake pauls ( he literally has nothing to do with the story) party or one of the biggest parties in LA everyone gets shit-faced and either you have to crash there or you have to get a Uber. Needless to say, I'm scared shitless but I'm not gonna let Vinnie know that he's way too excited for me to bail on him. So I just keep getting ready and keep telling myself tonight's gonna be great, because it is gonna be great. Vinnie comes into the bathroom with his hair maintained and non-frizzy no matter how much I wanted to run my hands through it, I also knew Vinnie would KILL me so I resisted.

”Hey you,” I say with a smile ”Hey you look hot,” Vinnie says looking me up and down, I stopped and turned around with a straight face ”and absolutely breathtaking just say the word, and ill go ring shopping m’lady. Vinnie says with a shit-eating grin as he bows to me I smile ”well now that you mention it...” I place my finger on my chin pretending to think about it ” I would love a ring pop” I continue to do my make up as Vinnie chuckles. He walks up behind me wrapping his hands around my hips rubbing his thumbs on my dress before leaning into my ear

”you look amazing baby” he kisses the side of my neck ” I could take you right now,” Vinnie says in a deep voice. I turn around putting my hand on his chest ”don’t even think about it, I love you but we have to leave in 20 minutes and I'm still not done with my make-up.” I turn around again continuing to do my make up I feel a slap on my ass. I gasp at the sting of the hit ”such a brat.” Vinnie kisses your neck again before leaving the bathroom It's gonna be a long night.

Time skip to party

As soon as we pull up to the party a group of Vinnie's friends immediately take him away to play beer pong. I roll my eyes as I walk to Maddy and Avani, we get drinks and walk to the dance floor, about an hour has passed, and was done dancing and kinda just wanted to check on Vinnie. I stand up and tell the girls I'm gonna find Vinnie they nod and I walk in the direction he went when the boys pulled him away. Just more dancing people but no Vinnie, ok maybe the back yard I walk towards the back door and as I step out did I hear the most the last thing I wanted to hear ”KICK HIS ASS VINNIE” I hear people yelling ”FUCK YEA, GET HIM VINNIE ” I see Jordan and Kio high-five as they encourage Vinnie to beat the crap of someone. I run over to Jordan and Kio ”What the fuck is wrong with you guys stop him!” I screech at them Jordans head whips around with scared eyes as he runs to me and grabs me ”stop you didn’t see what happened and what Bryce said!” ” He fucking deserves it!” Kio yells kinda drunk.

Vinnie's POV

After the boys came and pulled me away from Y/n we played pong and shotgun a couple of claws (gross) before I know it I was feeling the alcohol. As I'm talking to Jordan and Kio I feel a slap on my shoulder ”ssssssup man” Bryce wraps his arm around my shoulder. I could smell the alcohol on his breath not that his slurring wasn't enough evidence to show he's drunk off his ass. ”hey bro what's up?” I ask

”not much but *burp* I do wanna tell you *hiccup* that Y/n looks like a million dollars tonight man” I look at him as I try to keep me cool knowing he's just drunk ”Like honestly dude*hiccup* if you weren't dating her I would totally hit it *hiccup* like her ass is perfect man, and her tits dude. Does she ever wear a bra I can always see her *hiccup* nips but it makes me so horny man?” Bryce laughs as he claps me on the back. I look at Jordan and Kio who look at me shocked, unfortunately for Bryce, I was far too buzzed to even think about what I was doing before my fist collided with his face.

Y/n’s POV

I push my way through the crowd and when I get to the front I see Vinnie on top of Bryce trying to curve his face in, both of his fists pounding into Bryce's face. ”VINNIE STOP” I scream immediately he stops and turns around seeing my scared face he stands up coming towards me but I walk past him going straight to Bryce and start to shake him. I hear him groan ”are you ok?” I ask as he slowly opens his eyes ”look I'm in Heaven” Bryce says with a wink before passing out all the sudden I'm being pulled up by my arm like a child. I look up to see an extremely angry Vinnie I could see him shaking with anger. ”ow Vinnie you're hurting me” I whine as I try to pry his hand off of my arm ”VINNIE STOP” I yell at him in front of everyone.

”YOU CAN’T JUST GET JEALOUS, BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE! AND THEN YOU WANT TO DRAG ME OUT OF THE PARTY LIKE A FUCKING KID I THINK THE FUCK NOT!” I yell at him with sass. As soon as the words leave my mouth I see his usually sweet and loving eyes change before me becoming almost emotionless. They fill with absolute rage Vinnie narrows his eyes at me picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder holding my legs so I can't kick him.

”PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN RIGHT NOW!” I pound my fists into his back and scream having an absolute tantrum, I'm so angry that I'm seeing red, not a few minutes later I was put on the ground.

Before I could push him away I was turned around and push against the car ”such a fucking brat!” He slaps my ass

”fuck you,” I say as I try to get my hands free I hear the car door open then the back of the seat being moved. Vinnie sits in the car pulling me I'm with him so I'm sitting on his lap and start to push on his chest to get away I know what's about to happen and I know it gonna hurt a lot. ”STOP YOU FUCKING BRAT!” Vinnie yells and finally holding my hands behind my back. Vinnie looks up at me and chuckles he holds my hands with one of his own, his other hand pulling on his belt wrapping my wrists together ”NO DON’T DADDY IM SORRY!” I say as tears start filling my eyes and my bottom lip quivers.

Vinnie looks up at me his eyes showing no emotion ”I'm not gonna hit you till I'm calm-” My eyes widen ”NO FUCK YOU!” I yell as I try to get away even though I know I can't but I don't want a spanking. I know Vinnie won't touch me till we’re home and it's a long-ass drive at least an hour or two depending on traffic meaning I'm gonna be hot and bothered AND my ass is gonna be on fire. I feel a harsh slap on my right cheek I let out an involuntary moan grinding against him ”STOP talking to me like that.” Vinnie rubs my cheek turning my face towards him ”you’ve made daddy very mad and after your punishment, we will be having a conversation about tonight right now I need you to take your punishment like a good girl.” Vinnie says softly rubbing my cheek I know he's trying to make a point about my attitude and he’s somehow being so sweet. I wish I could say it was me being extremely horny and slightly tipsy but honestly, it was just my pride I don't wanna admit that I'm wrong, for talking to him like that and hitting him in anger, which I have never done before, I feel bad but still, the words came out.

”NO! DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” I shout right in his face Vinnie’s eyes lock with my own I gulp that was the last straw and I know it. All of a sudden my face is in the passenger seat my chest is against the armrest in the middle Vinnie puts his left leg over my legs so I couldn’t kick him or grind myself against him.

”D-Daddy don't please.” I sniff looking back at him with wide eyes ”I-i I'll be good daddy-” Vinnie lets out a dark laugh he then grabs a first full of my hair and yanks my head back I gasp ”I hope you cry.” Vinnie whispered in my ear before pushing my head back down ”Don’t fucking move or you get five more.” Vinnie lifts my dress so it's around my waist he ripped my underwear off throwing the ruined material on his dashboard. ”count” Vinnie demands ”How many-?” I start to ask ”DID I SAY TO FUCKING SPEAK!” Vinnie lands a hard slap on my ass

”OH FUCK!” I yell trying to get away ”thats 25 now.” Vinnie says as he pulls me back into place ”Now I said count, so fucking count slut!”

I feel the first one on my right cheek ”OW one” I said as I sniff holding my tears in. Another one SLAP! This time on my left I let out a cry as I try not to move an inch. ”TWO!” this time a tear slips out but Vinnie doesn't see it, his hand lands on my right cheek way more hard then the last one and before I could even cry he lands another one with the same power onto the left cheek. A sob escapes my mouth as tears fall down my face ”FUCKING COUNT OR USE THE SAFE WORD!” my heat throbs as he yells at me my arousal running down my legs. ”THREE FOUR!” I scream as a sob comes up my throat it hurts so bad but feels so good.

”T-T-TWENTY-FIVE!” I scream sob, my face soaked with tears and my wetness has been running down my legs, I could feel the puddle on his jeans. My ass is on fire and it's bright red with handprints all over the place, I have my head resting on the seat trying to calm down my breathing and crying. Vinnie silently runs his thumbs from the puddle on his jeans all the way to my slit, collecting all of the wetness from that thigh before sticking the digit in his mouth ”mmhm” he moans before doing the same to the other thigh, once again putting his thumb in his mouth again. I am however still sobbing ”you can cry all you want baby...” he kisses my red ass cheek ”you are just making me so much more hard.” Vinnie says before he licks my clit softly ”mmm daddy” I say with a small voice ”I’m still mad at you baby.” He says as he slaps my clit making me whimper ”please daddy” I try to grab his shirt with my hands.

Vinnie immediately pulls away so I can't touch him or grab him ”No, don't fucking touch me.” he says repeating what I said to him not long ago obviously, it had hurt his feelings and stuck with him. ”oh, daddy I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way.” I look back at Vinnie best I can from my position ”I really am sorry Vinnie, I love you.” I say with wide eyes making sure he is paying attention. He rubs my thigh ”I know you are brat!” he then slaps my thigh ”sit in your seat and buckle up I don't wanna hear a word.” he pulls his belt off and puts it in the back seat. A tear slips down my face, is he really that mad at me that he won't say I love you back, I crawl to my seat and fix my dress before I sit down soft and slow my behind still in major pain.

The pain makes me feel even worse knowing he's very mad at me I stare at my hands I didn't even realize I was still crying till he said something ”turn around baby let me see” Vinnie says softly. I look up at him and I sniff slowly I pull my knees up and stand on them and use the window for support as Vinnie pulls my dress up around my waist once again ”fuck baby I'm sorry” Vinnie says in a sad tone as he begins to leave light kisses on my cheeks ” I love you baby so much I'm just pissed at Bryce and then you were being a bitch about-” My eyes widen ” W-What? I was being a bitch! You dragged me around like a fucking kid!” I say angrily as tears run down my face ”you're a fucking asshole” I say to myself getting ready to sit back down but then I feel pain on the skin of my ass so much worse then before and it didn't feel like a hand.

A giant sob jumps from my throat and moaning I feel my pussy clench around nothing for the hundredth time this night. I whip my head around to see Vinnie holding his belt in his hand with an angry face and black eyes filled with lust and rage mostly rage. ”You never fucking learn, unless I treat you like shit so get in the fucking back! Don't say a goddamn word or I'll whip you with my belt again.” I gasp and I scurry between the seats my ass getting stuck between my seat and Vinnie's shoulder. ”My lucky day huh.” I feel him smack my ass a cry leaving my lips and I fall into the back seat my ass in the air. Another slap is delivered to my ass tears running down my face as I try to buckle up fast even with the pain in my behind, my makeup was definitely fucked up.

20 minutes later we pulled into a nice-looking hotel Vinnie grabs a napkin and hands it to me silently ”don’t say a word unless spoken to and just sit down till I come get you.” I nod as I wipe my eyes trying to stop the tears Vinnie steps out of the car and opens the back door on my side grabbing my hand and pulling me out after I unbuckle. I know this sweetness is going to be short-lived as it's just a front so people don't think something is actually wrong. Vinnie approach soon but first he turns around and asks how late room service is open ”24/7 sir” the lady says as she hands him two room cards.

”Perfect.” Vinnie says as he grabs my hand pulling me to the elevator the second the elevator door shut Vinnie grabs my neck and slammed me against the wall.

A loud moan leaving my lips ”i had to get the most expensive room so they wouldn't kick us out for all the screaming you're going to do from your punishments.” Vinnie licks my lips and cheek ”Open your fucking mouth!” he says immediately my mouth drops and my tongue falls out past my teeth. Vinnie spits in my mouth I moan loudly ”Swallow” so I did ”Again”

he grunts squeezing my neck and one of my boobs, my mouth drops open Vinnie spits but it doesn't all go in my mouth I shoot my eyes open looking down at the spit on the floor disappointed. I start to lean down ”Don’t baby I'll give you more.” I look up at Vinnie and grab his waist, a slap is delivered to my face ”I said don't touch me do you want me to spit in your mouth or not!” I moan dropping to the floor on my knees mouth open ”YES!” I say rushing to taste him again.

”I-I’m sorry daddy I won't do it anymore.” I say with puppy eyes my mouth open waiting for him to give me a gift. Vinnie looks down at me with a disgusted look tears fall from my eyes as I look up at him mouth still open waiting patiently. ”You're a nasty slut!” he slaps me before forcing my mouth open spitting inside. I moan at the taste and at the pain on my face I swallow reluctantly wanting it to last forever I then lick my lips and hold my cheek ”we’re the only people on this floor so strip and crawl to the room. Stay on your knees where you belong, for now at least”

He Pushes me to he ground It didn't hurt because I was only on my knees I take my dress off and my dra I go to kick my heels off

”Don’t! keep them on.” Vinnie says leaning down picking up my clothes as the doors open I see a long hallway and all the way to the end is a double door I crawl out and wait for Vinnie ”Come here, Now.” I crawl as fast as I can ”sit” my eyes widen I'm not a fucking dog I think to myself all the sudden I feel something around my neck.

Vinnie had fastened his belt around my neck like a collar ”Crawl bitch!” I gasp as my hands hit the ground we slowly move towards the door Vinnie behind me. I feel pain on my ass once again I whip my head around to see Vinnie whip my ass with my own bra. I moan I'm gonna have bruises for months, he hits my ass every once in a while I moan every time. We get to the door and he opens it with his key card. ”I have to run to the store you can shower if you wish and watch tv but I expect you naked and ready when I get back” Vinnie starts to walk away ”oh and don't touch your self, I'll know if you did.” he turns to me and looks down into my eyes before walking out.

I hop in the shower and then I lay on the couch with a homemade ice pack I made, with supplies from the room and the mini ice machine in the room, pressed against my sore ass. It's been barely been an hour, but I already miss Vinnie. I can't wait for my punishment to be over so he will hold me and kiss me I don’t wanna fight, I wanna sleep. My head lefts up at the sound of the door being opened. ”Get on the bed it's time for your punishment.” Vinnie says as he comes in with a couple of different black bags I Eye them suspicious of what's inside.

”Don't worry about it and lay on your stomach.” Vinnie says in a slightly angry tone I rush on the bed and lay my head in a pillow I feel Vinnie slightly sit on my lower back making the bed dip. All of the sudden my hand is being tired to the headboard then the other he gets off me before doing the same to my legs. I'm spread like a starfish and I can't turn my head to see anything. ”scream and cry all you want I don’t care.” and with that, he gets off me not a second later I hear him fiddle with the bags and then silence then I hear... Buzzing?

My eyes widen as I realize what my punishment is ”NO DADDY PLEASE I-I IM SORRY NOT THAT PLEASE!” tears immediately pour down my face I pull at my restraints even though it's useless. ”Maybe you will listen first then run your loudmouth Brat.” I feel the head of the vibrator enter me and I moan immediately pleasure runs through me I hear another vibration and then out of nowhere, Vinnie pulls a smaller vibrator out and positioned right at my clit. I moan even louder I can feel my first orgasm approach. I feel a slap on my ass ”n-no more daddy please I will behave and l-listen.”

I sob as he delivers more smacks to my overly sore ass my orgasm ripping through me another already on its way. I hear Vinnie start to look in the bags again he pulls my hair back ”see this” Vinnie shows me a stick or so I think. He pulls on one of the ends and it comes off releasing a bunch of leather strings my eyes widen in fear he's gonna whip me with a real sex whip my second orgasm making me shakes and convulses almost pushing the vibrator out. Vinnie pushes it back in all the way before he starts whipping my ass with the whip my third orgasm approaching fast ”AAAH MAKE IT STOP VINNIE IT’S TOO MUCH TO FAST!” I yell tears running down my face

”what’s that? turn them on high! ok whatever you say.” Vinnie chuckled deeply ”Nooooooo” I moan as the vibrations make my third orgasm be forced out I scream nonsense orgasm after orgasm driving me crazy.

-two hours later-

I was sobbing and screaming as another orgasm ripped me apart it feels so good but it hurts to breathe at this point. ”CORN MUSTARD” I yell the safe word. Immediately the vibration stop and are pulled from my body Vinnie unties my hands and feet ”BABY ARE YOU OK” he softly turns me over on my back and I hiss in pain everything hurts ”NO FUCK YOU!” I yell not meaning a word of it ”oh baby I'm so sorry-” I push him away I'm not even mad at him I'm just in pain and still unsatisfied ashamed I still want his dick and his mouth on mine I feel a Slap ”WHY CAN’T YOU FUCKING LEARN??!? DO I HAVE TO HURT YOU WITH MY COCK AND WORDS TO MAKE YOU FUCKING LISTEN!” he slams his rock hard cock into me I didn't even know he was naked till now ”UGH I HATE YOU.” I yell

Vinnie stops and pulls out of me he slams back in making me moan ”FUCK YOU, THAT'S WHY YOU’RE A SLAVE FOR MY COCK, YOU FUCKING WHORE!” Vinnie yells as he slaps my face. Begin to moan uncontrollably it feels so good I can feel him in my belly his big ass cock ramming into my uterus. ”FUCK DADDY IM SORRY I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU I DON’T HATE YOU I LOVE YOU S-SO MUCH DADDY! IM YOUR SLUTTY WHORE PLEASE PUT YOUR CUM IN ME AND FILL ME UP, DADDY” I was shaking around his cock his breath in my face I just wanted to taste him so bad ”p-please kiss me daddy.” Vinnie looks down at me ”WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I KISS YOU BITCH, YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT BE A PAIN IN THE ASS TONIGHT!” I sob I just wanted to feel that he loves me I feel so stupid and useless right now. The sobs no longer from the pleasure but from my broken heart Vinnie slows down looking at my devastated face as real emotional tears and gasps left my body as I just laid there.

”b-baby?” Vinnie asks still pounding into me he stops still inside of me I look up at him and hiccup ”y-you don’t love me anymore because I said a-all those nasty things I d-didn’t mean it a-and you hate me now” I cry into the pillow Vinnie grabs my face wiping all of my tears and kissing me on the lips sweet and passionately taking my breath away.

”mmmmm” I moan into his kiss sliding my tongue in his mouth putting my hand in his hair and hugging his body close to me I was drooling at his taste kissing him harder and grinding against him. I feel Vinnie smile as he begins to fuck me again this time with passion and love not anger and resentment. We both are kissing sloppy and moaning into each others mouths as he pounds into me.

”FUUUUCK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM GONNA CUM” He moans as he cums deep inside of me causing me to release ”DADDY YESS THANK YOU IM SORRY.” I lay there as Vinnie pulls out my head snaps up ”Nononono I want it.” I open my mouth for his slightly stiff cum covered cock.

”fuck such a nasty girl...” he moans as he puts his cock down my throat choking me

”mmmmm baby I forgive you, you’re so perfect in every way.” he moans taking his soft cock out of my sucking mouth I start to whine but Vinnie pops his finger in my mouth keeping me busy still I pass out.

Vinnie’s POV

”My sweet girl.... No more alcohol for you but I do love you very much you have never been so bratty.” I kiss her lips and turn off the light's pulling my brat closer as I snuggle into her neck I couldn't ask for more.

[voidix]

So my dear friend @kittytudor and I were discussing some takes the fandom has on Dazai and especially his interactions with Mori and I thought I’d share

I really hate the train of thought that goes like “they’re super smart so they know life has no meaning and nothing matters” like that’s cynical for no reason whatsoever and just nihilistic

Yea when you are intelligent you see all the bad in the world and feel like you’re powerless to stop it a lot of times but the things is

You know scientists see beauty in everything geologist will get excited about literal dirt a marine biologist about a gold fish. When you’re intelligent you see all the bad but also all the good

However it’s easier to see the bad and often times it clouds your view but part of the healing process is starting to see beauty and happiness in the smallest things and I think that’s a journey Dazai is slowly going on.

So I really don’t think intelligence is the issue here and I’m gonna assume you’re an edgy bastard if you say so

I feel like Dazai’s issue is more the environment than anything and the lack of meaningful relationships. I know we clown the scene where he says actually living is okay now 1 day after meeting Chuuya but here is the thing. This might have been the first time he had someone his age who wanted to hang out with him or even less just someone his age who tolerated him. I personally know nothing about his life pre mafia but you can assume it wasn’t a good life if at age 14 you decide the bloody mafia is preferable to wherever you’re at at the moment

In my opinion Mori didn’t encourage it per se but he didn’t try to stop it either I really think that for him he did not expect Dazai would go through with it (again) and /or as cruel as it sounds if he actually did it which Mori didn’t think was likely he had one less rival to worry about but I really think that’s Mori’s reasoning for staying “neutral” for lack of a better word on this issue

That being said I’m sure being surrounded by death and suffering did not do any good for an already depressed 14/15yo

Which leads me to the second point. I really don’t think Mori expected Dazai to leave or tried to make him leave. For Mori Dazai was a powerful asset because of his ability and because of his intelligence that y’all are obsessed with. So why would you want to push that person away and it’s not like he was encouraging him to suicide here which would make much more sense than wanting him to leave.

And I have evidence

I’m gonna start it with: Oda did not die to set an example I don’t think so no. In his conversation with Chuuya he said something like “being a leader means making sacrifices for the well being of the group” or something like that and that’s what he did here.

He sacrifices Oda to get the permit.

The strange thing is I do think Mori meant what he said to Chuuya that he is a leader but also a servant to the mafia he wants the mafia to gain more power and that’s why he did what he did to get the permit.

I do think it could be a lesson to Dazai but not in the “if you cross me this is gonna happen to you” because Oda didn’t cross him Oda didn’t want power he is the last person who was interested in that. I think if anything it was more a lesson as in “when you take over this is something you’ll have to do and I’m showing you how it’s done”

Evidence for that is he was chuckling when he mentioned that possibility that Dazai would kill him and take one someday. And I agree that Mori

Wouldn’t mind if that was better for the Mafia. Like he wouldn’t make it easy for him and he wouldn’t give up but if he is defeated he wouldn’t be angry or annoyed because like I mentioned above I do think he was genuine when he said he is also a servant to the Mafia

My other piece of evidence is that when he showed Dazai the permit he seemed proud of what he’s done. The way he presented it and the entire scenario he seemed proud more than smug. If he really wanted Dazai out I feel like he would’ve been more smug about the whole thing and we know he can do that well.

And obviously there is also the fact he offered him not once but twice to come back. And what’s interesting is that the first time the offer was secret like he sent Gin and Higuchi and it was in a shady ass tunnel

Now the other time is where it gets interesting because it was very public in front of Dazai’s colleagues the black lizard and Fukuzawa.

Now Mori is a smart guy but also he has a sense of pride as we learned so I really don’t think he would risk being humiliated in front of Fukuzawa of all people just to mess with Dazai and he seemed genuinely surprised when Dazai said “you kicked me” and he didn’t offer him to just come back no he offered to be back as an executive and having Dazai decline and clown him in front of Fukuzawa like that I don’t think he would risk that if he was just playing

The thing is Mori is smart but he has tunnel vision in my opinion. He was so focused on getting the permit he forgot that this plan has consequences that aren’t just “we get the permit”

And also one of Mori’s issues is that he never takes into consideration people’s emotions. You can predict human Behavior to a certain degree a lot of times you can know what to

Say or what to do to get a certain result but the thing is humans aren’t algorithms they don’t always operate on logic they have emotions. And these emotions can be so strong that they override any crumb of logic left which is something I think Mori fails to understand. That’s why he didn’t expect Dazai to leave he forgot about the emotional factor.

That’s what Mori lacks but Dazai has and my evidence for this is a scenario we laughed at because it was presented in a funny way but I think that’s something that shows that Dazai is better at this 4D chess game than Mori.

On the Moby Dick he knew that Akutagawa would abandon everything to talk to him. If Dazai only operates by thinking about logical Behavior he wouldn’t have told Atsushi to do this but he realises that the emotional factor is one of the strongest drives humans have.

And you know I think Mori knows that when it comes to 4D chess Dazai would defeat him but he doesn’t mind that he isn’t scared of that. In dead Apple he couldn’t have possibly known the whole business with the pill but he told Chuuya to interfere. Mori has a strange sense of trust towards Dazai even now that they’re part of different sides.

I think Mori is has always been aware that although he says he does Dazai doesn’t actually want to die and I think the scene with the hyper and hypo tension medication in 15 shows this. If you actually want to die why would you Mix medicine with effects that cancel out each other and Mori is a doctor he knows this. That’s why I think he didn’t expect Dazai to commit and that he believes Dazai actually wants to live and because of that he will try and preserve himself and by extension Yokohama which is why he told Chuuya to go in dead apple, which is why he let Akutagawa go on the Moby Dick in season 2 because he realized Dazai wanted him to go there and he trusts Dazai to a certain degree .

I really feel like his underestimated the emotional factor and this will ultimately lead to his downfall. Like he didn’t expect Dazai to leave he wouldn’t expect anyone to react super emotional to god knows what he’ll do and thereby underestimate their response to that which will make him meet his end.

I don’t think the “you kicked me” is Dazai in denial he acted ok emotions or at least that’s not the whole thing. I think that Dazai’s reasoning for saying that is this:

Oda died so Mori can get more power which was part of Mori’s plan all along so looking at the bigger picture it was Mori’s plan and actions who drove me out of the Mafia so he basically “kicked me out”

Also I wanna add that I feel like Mori because he underestimates the emotional factor he doesn’t understand to this day why Dazai left like he knows it’s related to oda he can follow that train of events but in his mind it doesn’t make logical sense why Dazai would do that which is why he didn’t manage to win Dazai over back to The Mafia because in his mind be doesn’t know the logical reason why Dazai left which is also another reason why he was so surprised when Dazai said he kicked him

Also I’d like to add that I really don’t think he felt threatened or wanted to just get rid of him

Dazai was already suicidal so if it would very easy to make it look like that. And like I mentioned before if it was the best choice for the Mafia I really don’t think Mori would be that bothered about being replaced by Dazai.

I also don’t think he thought Dazai would be more useful on the outside because once again why lose a valuable addition like that

And it’s not like

He wanted to use him

As a spy or anything we know that would’ve been arranged differently see Ango

So Mori the logical guy he is wouldn’t want his enemies to have someone with Dazai’s ability because that’s a pain in the ass and also

He wouldn’t want an insider like Dazai to join his enemies and spill all his secrets. Dazai had a very high rank and like I said I don’t think Mori expected him to leave so he had no reason to hide things from

him so even without his ability he would be a very strong asset to the Mafias enemies so there is no way Mori would think he is more useful on the outside since

1. we already said mori has tunnel vision he couldn’t possibly predict that much that he thinks Dazai is better out

2. We established that he isn’t afraid of him

3. He wouldn’t want the ability and the information to fall into his enemies’ hands

4. If he was actually scared and wanted to get rid of him making it seem like suicide or actually driving him to suicide would be much easier especially since mori is a doctor

So yeah this is long thanks if you read until the end it was super fun to write this id love to know what others think I’m sorry if it’s a bit unorganised it’s copied from my notes app

[spock-smokes-weed]

I hate hate HATE how fics based off fanon Tim writes the Drakes. It makes me legitimately so angry?????

I don’t feel this way because I like the Drakes, FAAAAAR from it, but making them cartoonish evil villains who had no love for their son and only wanted him to take over for their company is literally just wrong???? You can be a terrible parent without being reprehensible.

And that’s like the whole thing about Tim and why his situation resonates with so many people; there are a lot of parents who just don’t care enough to put in the work to raise their kids and give up when things get hard. Jack certainly loves Tim, sure, but he puts in the bare minimum when it comes to supporting his son and his emotional needs. There are a lot of parents like Jack Drake out there, my father being one of them.

Does Tim have the most tragic anime backstory every told? No, but it wasn’t trying to be.

Trying to up the severity of neglect and abuse that Tim went through to put him on par with the other bats undermines Tim’s character and the other bats. Yea compared to the rest of the bats what Tim went through isn’t that bad, but trauma is still trauma and the very casual way Tim’s feelings and needs were undermined left a lasting scar on him that I don’t think even Tim himself sees. You don’t need to have super terrible or intentionally abusive parents to have been hurt and failed by the adults in your life, that’s what Tim’s character was trying to get at.

The 90s era of comics is super fascinating when you look at a lot of their teenage heroes because there was a lot of focus on relationships with their parents and how some of them were healthy and others weren’t. It showed teenagers who were all dealing with some kind of parental trauma that ranged in severity.

Tim Drake with his casually neglectful and manipulative father. Cissie King-Jones with the verbally and emotionally abusive stage mom. Stephanie Brown with a physically abusive deadbeat dad. And then Cassandra Cain, who showed what extreme abuse could do to a kid. 

And then in the flip side of that you have Cassie Sandsmark who’s relationship with her mother  represented what a healthy parent child relationship should look like.

All do these characters showed how abuse affects kids and how parents can fail their children in different ways. And idk making the Drakes into mustache twirling villains who hate their son just shows a level of misunderstanding about the character of Tim Drake and what he was trying to say about parental neglect

[junnibook]

Pt.2 Can I request nsfw alphabet's For 1.hawks 2.iwa-chan 3.daichi 4. SHIGARAKI!!

Shigaraki Tomura nsfw alphabet.

A/n: have fun you dust loving reader 🙏🏼

Q: would you force skin care on him?

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

wait, your alive? like your not a pile of dust on his bed? wow okay.. well firstly his aftercare sucks, just saying, he doesn’t care to stay around and if he does have deep feelings for you it would still suck because he’ll either go do “work” or he’ll play the game. his way of after care is keeping you alive so don’t push it.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

he likes your boobs and your face. one he’s like a child and most children cling to their mothers chest plus he likes the size and how they feel. they do have a lot of bite marks. he likes your face because of all the fear and emotions you show him. he cant get enough of that, make those faces for him more often. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

he’s a messy boy. okay so one his cum would taste overly salty so if your a swallower get a cup of water because your gonna need it, two its super thick for no reason at all. he likes to leave his cum any and everywhere. he doesn’t came if it’s messy. you turned him on, purposely so that’s your problem.

D = Dick size ( the size of their dick)

he’s above average and isn’t too thick but makes up for it in length. i wouldn’t say he’s a proud boy he honestly doesn’t care if he’s big or not, if someone had somethings to say they could gladly be turned into a pile of ash and he would pee on it it and move on with his ashy day.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

none, the boy doesn’t like people before he met you or whom ever, he was like a needy wild animal he had it the first time, didn’t know how to act. just humping away feeling that good ol pleasure and was blinded by it, yea if you had your first with him than he would 100% be rough with you... masochist.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

he quickly finds out that he likes to be deep into you- like fully into you, he likes mating press the most, just be on birth control because he doesn’t like condoms like at all. im sure you don’t want any baby shiggys running around turning children into dust right?

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

no way, not a chance. you won’t catch him being goofy at all. he has his DICK out and is showing himself to YOU. be glad that you made this far, don’t test him by trying to be goofy. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

100% not shaved or trimmed. why would he? he’s a busy man plus he doesn’t care like at all.. if you have a problem with it shave it your self other than that don’t say anything abt it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

N O he doesn’t know romance it’s not in his mind set. the most he will do that you can call romantic is go easier and or softer on you. if your looking for emotional sex for comfort or something.. get you a side piece and use them for that one thing

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

yea he does, it’s a stress relief and on his pettiest of days he’ll leave his cum near you. he wouldn’t care if you thought it was gross, he’ll leave his cum by you and move on with his day.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

he likes: praise kink, because he likes no he loves when you praise him for making you go dumb over his dick. 

he likes giving you just a little pain.. he likes the literal tears in your eyes. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

anywhere he pleases which is mostly in his room. all for one told him off the last time he fucked in public since people got a half a look at his face. but if he wasn’t told not to he’d fuck you in public. “ show the hero’s how you take dick from a villain”  

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

anything- he’s so easily turned on, but if he’s playing the game and you try and distract him- he takes that as a threat and literally will sit on you so that you can’t move- or if he’s angry and almost won and you made him lose, he’ll grab you by the neck, have his thumb dangerously close to the rest of his fingers on your throat pull you close and look into your eyes. “stop being annoying before i makes you regret it “ 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

sit down loves he isn’t a bottom nor does he want to try it out, he’s top and if you don’t like it - leave {btw you cant leave because he literally won’t let you} he also doesn’t eat you out- he thinks it’s gross-

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

his head is terrible, he hates eating you out AND him fingering you is like Russian roulette, his thumb might accidently meet up with the rest of his fingers and turn your pussy into dust- no more wap for you, you now have the dap {dusty ass puh} also he might let you suck him might not- he has trust issues and he doesn’t trust your teeth. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

like i said- he isn’t the type to go slow, he’s chasing his own pleasure si yes he will go hard and fast nonstop. safe words are needed but will be ignored- just saying so if you don’t like it so rough that your legs give out for a few days than find a new partner because he isn’t for you love. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

quickies are basically you sucking him up while he plays the game - if you want him that bad than you can wait until he wants to get off the game and fuck you, lucky for you it isn’t a long wait.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he use to be risky until he had his face shown at his attacks and so he can’t be risky and fuck you out in public to often, before he was seen he would fuck you in public places- where they could hear you moan 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

he can last up to two rounds- sorry maybe three if he’s needy and maybe four if he’s stressed which is all the time.. so it depends on his mood because it changes from time to time as you know.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

he doesn’t have time for things likes that and besides but how much he’s giving you- you wouldn’t be able to think about anything yet alone toys. he thinks they are weird and un needed. “are you saying my dick isn’t good enough for you? “ say no if you want, he’ll have you in tears begging for him in minutes.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

meh- not to much he doesn’t have time to waste on teasing you, he has plans and wouldn’t want to pause them just to tease you, take the dick and go to sleep. it’ll knock you out for sure so sleep up before he wants more. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he doesn’t moan he insults- like degradation kink is a small kink of his, he likes the way it sounds coming form him and he loves the way you repeat it when he tells you too, because who are you to refuse him. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he is down to share you, he likes the idea of breaking you down while using another guys dick. that would probably be a punishment though, like if you happened tp the extra annoying that day and just kept brothering him. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

his dick is ashy so be careful don’t get rub burn- im joking it’s not ashy probably  the most non ashy  place on his body,

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

not as high as you might think- taking down the heros will always come first on his mind- his games are second and you come.. well last- your the last thing on his mind. no offense.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

knocked out no questions asked, your knocked out too for sure, he put you straight tp sleep. so take the sleep while you can.

[floatinginwords]

Saved by the Devil (4/?) - Tommy Shelby

Summary: You moved in with Ada Thorne when an unexpected visitor arrives as well as unwelcomed nightmares

Paring: Tommy Shelby x fem!reader (not romantic...yet)

A/n: This took really long to write. But worth it. I hope whoever reads enjoys and has a fantastic day :)

Ada Thorne was the sweetest soul you had ever met. It didn’t take too long for the two of you to become friends. The house she lived in was big enough for a small family yet it was only her and her son who resided within it. When the two of you met for the first time, she appreciated that you didn’t pry into why that was. Of course she would tell you about her husband Freddie Thorne, the love of her life as she’d call him. You trusted her enough to tell her certain aspects of your life whenever you two would talk. You noticed the same from her. You knew it wasn’t a matter of not trusting each other but rather wanting to leave things in the past. You were ready to start moving forward. And you were glad Ada was helping you to do so.

Today, you and Ada sat on separate chairs in the living room. Bare walks and boxes surrounding you as you read the newspaper looking for job openings and Ada looks over paint swatches. You both look up alarmed when you hear the front door open. Only the two of you had keys to this places. Ada gets up and opens her purse immediate, grabbing a little handgun. She looks embarrassed as she holds it up to the closed door waiting for the intruder. You don’t make any comment on it.

“Go upstairs and check on Karl.” She says

 “Ada…” You hesitate hearing the footsteps get closer.

 “Please, just make sure hes alright.”

 You nod and leave out the back door, running silent up the stairs. You  open the room of the child and find him sleeping peacefully. You close the open window beside his bed and check his closet. You can never be to safe. You can hear voices coming from downstairs. You close the quietly and run back down the stairs.

‘That’s a good sign’ you think as you get closer hearing the voices speak calmly and civilized to each other

 “…there are always men watching the house.” You hear Ada say.

 It was true first night of you staying here you noticed it. Ada brushed you off saying it was creeps, you feared it was Sabini wanting to know your whereabouts. You’re realizing that it might have something to deal with her. An idea you never really considered or maybe didn’t want to.

 “yea. Gangsters of the worst kind.” A mans voice says as you slowly turn the nob of the door.

 “Ada?” You call out, entering the room and locking eyes with icy blue eyes.

 Thomas Frekin Shelby. Alarms ring off in your head. Why was he here? How does he know Ada?

 Ada clears her throat. “(Y/N), this is my brother-“

 “We already know each other.” Thomas interrupts.

 “Barely.” You add.

 Ada looks between the two of you. A mix of emotions appearing on her face.

 “Tommy, I think you should head out now,” She gives you a look, “we can talk later.”

 She leaves the room leaving you and Thomas alone. He doesn’t waste a minute.

 “You still work for Sabini?”

 “I don’t see how that’s your business.”

 “It is if you’re living with my sister,” He says danger flicking off his tongue, “I’m sure you haven’t told her about your work experience amongst other things.”

 “I didn’t know you were siblings.” You mumbled under your breath crossing your hands across your chest.

 “Sabini tried to hurt Ada. And if I find out your part of a plan to hurt her-“

 You cut him off, “He fired me, personally. Okay? And I wouldn’t put Ada in danger, she’s my friend.”

 An awkward silence ensues. You avoid his eyes and fiddle with the end if your fingers.

 “I didn’t know he tried to hurt Ada.” You quietly say feeling guilty for something out of your control.

 “Men like that have no limits.” He states.

 He stops staring at you to grab a cigarette and lighter out of his pocket. You take a moment to observe him. You notice the fading bruise around his eye and busted lip that was healing. You wonder if that was courtesy of Sabini of himself.

 He catches you staring as he lights up. “you want one?”

 “No thank you Mr. Shelby.”

 “Call me Tommy.”

“I’m afraid that’s a bit too familiar for me.” You say.

 He shrugs. “Do you like horses, (y/n)?”

 Your eyebrows furrow at the sudden change in topic. “I- I do…”

 “I’m thinking of buying myself a racehorse,” He says nonchalantly, “Entering em in Epsom.”

 You pause as the pieces come together for you. “Why are you telling me this?”

 “Because I think you know what I’m trying to say.”

 Sabini was big in the racecourse. He was king around there and all his men had the licenses to gamble on the fixed races. You knew it one of his largest sources of income. Thomas entering a horse in the race would just make Sabini angry and territorial. If that’s Thomas plan than he would succeed but you don’t think that that’s all.

 “I still don’t understand why you’re telling me this.”

 “Walk me to my car.” He answers.

 And you do walking slightly behind him, as he leads the way to where he parked his vehicle. In the sunlight you notice that his eyes aren’t as icy as you first thought. They reminded you of the sky on a cloudless day. You smile to yourself liking the new comparison.

 “I’m going to find a horse tomorrow. I would like it if you would accompany me.”

 “I don’t know much about picking horses.”

 “I already know which horse I’m picking.”

 “then why-“ He cuts you off

 “Its cause your smart and observant. Its good to have people like that around. And you will be compensated for your time.”

 You thought about it. There were no jobs in hiring, that newspaper you were reading showed you shit. And you didn’t want to rely on Ada your whole time staying here. You thought how Sabini might think those men were correct in their gossip if he saw you with Mr.Shelby. He would deem you a traitor and put a price on your head. But you were already in the hole. Might as well dig further.

  *******************************************************************************************

 You wake up covered in sweat. Nightmares starring your father were becoming more and more frequent. You used to get them a lot at Blue Hills. Dreams of him coming for you, killing you like he did your mother. The threats he made ring in your head as you take a deep breath. Trying to place yourself back in reality. Last night you and Ada had a long talk. She wanted to know exactly how you knew her brother and why. You were honest with what you told her not leaving out a single detail. It was probably what triggered the nightmare in the first place.

 “Its not my fault, I didn’t tell you. I didn’t even know you knew him let alone were related to him.” You say at the end reminding her that she changed her last name to Thorne.

 She didn’t stay to upset for long both of you ended up having a good laugh even having a drink. You don’t tell her about you going to check out Horses with Thomas. You can tell how she feels about her family. She loves them but rather keep em at a distance.

 You stare outside the window waiting for Thomas’s car to appear, not wanting him to ring the doorbell and disturb Ada or Karl. He told you to dress nice but not too nice (Whatever that meant). You went with a simple yellow dress and lovely coat on top seeing as it is cold out. The nightmare still plagues your thoughts. It dawns on you that you’ve never got a confirmation if he ever killed your father. You wonder if there’s ever an appropriate time to ask.

 You see a large car rumble down the street with two men in the front seat. One of them being Thomas.

 You run down the stairs and open the door talking long confident strides to the car. He and the other man get out of their seats. You recognize the man from the Eden Club.

“John, go sit in the back with the others.” He says

 The man who you now knew was named John smirks at you before walking to the back, you can hear other men hollering as he get in.

 “you brought a small army with you?” You question

“Can never have too much backup.” He says opening the passenger door for you.

 You nod a thanks and step in. He wordlessly get back to his side and starts the car. At first not a word was said between the two of you as the ride began. And there were times when you loved and valued silence but here in this small space in the car; it was deafening.

 “What does your horse look like?” you ask breaking the silence with an out of the blue question. You felt like a bundle of nerves as you tried to gain the courage of asking the question you really wanted to know. You weren't scared of asking him just what his answer would be. 

 “What?” He says not expecting you to ask that

 “um the horse your buying…whats it look like?”  

 He clears his throat, “Curly says she’s gray... I’m sure he can tell you more when we get there.”

 You lean back a bit in the seat, “I used to ride when I was a kid,” You stare at window watching as London fades around you into trees and greenery, “I haven’t ridden in so long.” You say.

  He doesn’t say anything. You think back to the nightmare. You were riding horses with your father. It started off like a memory. He was the one who taught you of course. And then right in the middle of you riding the horse at top speed. He shot it. And you flew from your horse tasting dirt in your mouth. You can hear him yelling at you and pistol being put at your temple. You felt like a child, helpless. You saw your mother in the dirt beside the horse. That was the worst part. 

 You can hear the muffed loud conversations the men in the back are having. You can’t comprehend any of it. Thomas’s voice bring you back to reality. 

“Are you okay, (y/n)?” He asks.

 You knew if you said nothing it woud just keep gnawing at you. You would have a hard time trying to tell yourself that the dream was nothing when it honeslty felt like a warning.

 “Mr.Shelby,” You say your words slowly not wanting a single syllable to tremble, your eyes trained on the scenary passing you by, “ is my father dead?”

 He glances at you bewildered, definitely not expecting you to ask that.

Read pt.5

Tags

@captivatedbycillianmurphy

[i-did]

what would make renee angry in your opinion?

I had a really hard time answering this one actually. I thought about it for a while and asked a lot of my friends to see if they had any ideas, and here's what I came up with:

1) A professor or TA who is super shitty to her

Just a really shitty teacher.

as she goes through college, she’s bound to run into some assholes, and I don’t think Renee has perfect grades in the past or present. her not knowing academic terminology and feeling out of place in the college setting would make a lot of sense for a lot of the foxes, and Renee is good on putting on a smile, but she still eventually gets that one professor or TA that scoffs at her questions and “doesn’t have time for the likes of her” and the constant complete dismissal digs painfully under her skin and brings out her anger.

2) People who are intensely rude to her despite her best efforts to be as kind as she can be

Renee is patient, but we all have our limit. similar to the one above, but Renee dealing with someone who is just rude all the time and she struggles to keep reminding herself “we all have bad days, I don’t know what they’re going though.” Renee working in a coffee shop and a woman bumping into Renee and spilling her coffee on herself, only to yell at Renee for an hour, ignoring all of Renee’s pleasant customer service smiles. said customer later on becoming a regular and repeating this behavior, cutting off people in parking lots and flipping them off, Renee being kind and trying to give her a free scone only for the woman to tell her she hates scones, Renee offering something else only for the woman to tell her to shut up. that shit wears you down, and Renee still dumping her kindness onto someone every time only for it to backfire or be dismissed would make her have to take a few deep breaths in the back room before deciding, fuck it, she's cut off from active kindness, now only passible neutrality and not being aggressive is enough. 

3) someone who refuses her help

her knowing she could really make a difference, but some people just don’t want help, and she feels helpless and angry. she's not angry at the person, but the situation of them not being ready to accept help or even able to accept help makes her so frustrated she would start to grind her teeth in her sleep. She understands how it is, how hard it can be to take the first step to change or giving up pride or whatever the hurtle may be, but that doesn’t make it any easier than her thinking in her head “just let me fucking help you!!! or anyone!!! just let anyone in to help you!!!! fuck!!!” inside her head. she knows not everyone needs help or saving, but some people do, and when they shove her back, unwilling and not ready for it over and over while she’s trying to save them, she gets frustrated that she can’t.... do anything. and just has to wait. but Renee can be patient, and she’s willing to wait. 

4) Someone actively trying to wear her down and get under her skin

okay so this isn’t something that happens often, the closest Renee has really come to it is with Andrew when he first was scoping her out. but– if someone was actively trying to aggravate her, laughing at everything she said and making fun of her, pulling at her looser strings and picking at her ticks, watching to see what brought out her reaction, they could eventually do it and get under her skin. i think she wouldn’t let herself blow up at them since thats what they want, but she would silently excuse herself from the situation to take a breather. no one really does this with her, and Andrew only does this to size her up and even still his interrogation isn’t the type of harassment i’m imagining. i mean like old school bullying, not locker shoving, but the middle school girl shit that leaves emotional scars. and them being older, they’re less afraid to show it and be more straight forward mean. people don’t really do this to her tho, its too much effort to get a reaction, and when they do, its never what they would have wanted, like crying, but instead is her smile falling and then finding a way to make them feel like shit. Renee is kind, but she also knows how to play on a similar level as them, not just with fists. i HC Renee as plus size, and fuck it is hard to be different in anyway as a kid. but childhood bullying was the least of her worries and these people dont see how deep her personal self assurance has grown and how she has learned to stand with her head held high and her face serine. her and dan are quite similar in this, but dan is much more active and direct while Renee is passive in her letting it glide over her, dan has even gotten annoyed on Renee’s behalf and then annoyed that Renee was not affected and why she didn’t fight more directly back. 

5) People who are overtly cruel and she struggles to sympathize with

okay so, you ever see someone so mean and rude for zero reason to someone else and you’re just like... what the fuck??? Renee doesn’t let others get to her really, but damn.... someone going after someone else in ways that are just so uncalled for and so harshly.... it gets to her. She once watched an episode of catfish where the catfisher laughed at the girl, uncaring that he crossed so many emotional lines and manipulated people without really any care. and she wanted to throw the remote and punch the tv right where the guys face was on the paused screen. nothing like someone just, kicking someone else while their down with no mercy, or making fun of someone behind their back and them not knowing, making fun of the deaf kids voice behind his back and he doesn’t see them doing it, and she’s like, man, Fuck. You. in her head. I don’t think she was like, always a nice person, in fact, i think Renee used to very much so not be the type to sit with the alone kid at lunch but instead ignore him and think “yea he’s weird, kinda ugly” without thinking much of it. But then she decided to change, and she took everything she thought it meant to be a good person, and became that. she started sitting with the alone kid, she started doing charities, she started to smile instead of punch, and she started going to church. and so when she sees cruelness she was once passive in the face of, maybe even active in, she uses kindness. Renee is she good at using taking the high road in such a graceful way it makes others feel bad. like when she tells Nicky calmly “thats not very nice” after he jokes about Seth dying in a car crash on his way from the airport book 1, and Nicky feels like shit. it feels like shit to get called out sometimes, and while its not her goal, she does know it is an effect of it. (i don’t think she’s mad at Nicky in that scene, but she did say something since she is there to protect hers and she redraws that line in that moment, especially without Allison or Seth there yet to say fuck you themselves.)

6) Injustice and systems of oppression

for these i feel she gets more frustrated, overwhelmed, and sometimes resigned. she knows how dark and shitty the world is, but she stays up at night with her hand on her heart as she breathes deep, thinking about how... utterly fucked everything is. its pretty easy for me to HC that Renee is politically far left and has seen the dark side to lack of resources and systemic issues that are just... so overwhelming she doesn’t even know what she does as just one person. world pollution, corruption, class divide, flint water crisis, the homeless crisis, the prison system, functioning segregation in school systems, just... it all. she’s had nights after volunteering where she thinks “i did something, i did.” and she has days where she realizes “...i’m doing nothing, in the end... its all for nothing, there’s just too much.” just a bad day where she sits there, thinking about how much is wrong and wont be fixed and how ‘doomed’ things are, how broken, and she doesn’t feel at a loss, but rather this deep anger that comes from who she was before. 

7) herself. 

Her being unable to live up to her own standards. she still thinks mean things, she has mean and cruel urges, and when she has them, she remembers that she’s still a bad person trying very hard to be a good one, and she thinks she’s still a bad person at her core. she’s not self loathing with it, but she does think to herself “i’m a hypocrite.” and sits with that thought for a minute. sparring with Andrew has helped her, to balance the two sides of her in a way that feels both self indulgent and honest to her path forward. but sometimes while sitting in that church pew, she thinks of her dead mother, her dead step father, those she turned in without batting an eye, stabbing in the back to save herself, and she thinks “i should feel something.” but she doesn’t, she wasn’t sorry then and she’s not sorry now. and she thinks, “the others call Andrew a monster, and they don’t realize that i’m one too.” and she tries to muster up something deep inside her, but she cant. and it can frustrate her, how after all these actions, all those hours of beach clean up and homeless shelters and building houses in some other country and going around clapping her hands to the songs, but she’s still the person she is deep down. and it gets to her. i think her having a conversation with Neil one day, on what it means to be a real person, is she pretending who she is? is she her thoughts or her actions? which is the real her? and Neil saying, it’s all of it. every facet of the self is still the self, he is Nathaniel and Neil and Abram and every other person he has been and will be. we change but we are also always ourselves, and her actions are just as true as her thoughts. 

[thevalesofanduin]

Inspired by another Tumblr post about why Lambert and Vesemir sleep on different sides of Kaer Morhen and I’d link it if only I could find it

  He doesn’t mean to say it.

But it’s been a hard year up in the mountains, the early snowstorms not helping at all and then Geralt had showed up with a sorceress and a child surprise.

He is tired and would just like some peace at this point.

So when the time of the year has come that they’re truly and properly snowed in and Lambert does something incredibly rude and stupid and so unbelievably Lambert, Vesemir can’t stop himself from muttering: “why are you like this?”

Deafening silence falls over the room the moment the words leave his mouth and he wants to take them back, but he can’t.

It’s too late and he is not the kind of man to make excuses for himself.

Which means he can only sit at the table and watch shock, pain and anger flicker over Lambert’s face.

And then, his expression settles on old, familiar haughtiness.

A cruel smirk curls on Lambert’s lips and his voice is bitter and cold as he says: “cause of you, old man.”

The words I’m sorry are on Vesemir’s lips, but Lambert stalks out of the kitchen before he can utter them leaving Vesemir with an ache in his chest that feels a lot like regret.

 ---

 He lets Lambert be hurt and angry for two days.

Then, on the evening of the third he grabs a bottle of Lambert’s home-made White Gull and climbs up to the wreck that is the northern tower.

Unsurprisingly, he finds Lambert.

The other doesn’t look up when Vesemir walks up to him, nor when the older Witcher sits down.

What does have him looking up, though, is the White Gull Vesemir pushes into his line of vision.

“Thought you hated that stuff,” Lambert says when he takes the bottle from Vesemir.

Vesemir makes a face because he really, really does. But: “strongest drink I could find.”

Lambert huffs, but offers no other words as he uncorks the bottle and takes a big gulp.

Vesemir turns his eyes to the hole in the roof, providing both a terrible draft and a view of the stars above them. “I should not have said it.”

“Doesn’t mean it ain’t the truth,” Lambert scoffs.

Vesemir sighs. He’s not made for conversations like this, conversations with apologies and emotions. But he will suffer through it.

He owes that to Lambert.

“You are —”

“An asshole. A general annoyance, a prickly bastard.” Lambert takes a swig of the bottle and looks at Vesemir when he lowers the bottle. “So are you.”

Vesemir chuckles, because that he can’t deny.

“I hate it, ya know?” Lambert asks, his voice soft and heavy with bitterness. “What I am, this whole shit-show of a life.”

Vesemir grimaces, guilt and grief swirling in his chest.

It might not be fully his fault, but he is the only one left to take the blame and if being angry with him helps Lambert, he will happily sit here and take it.

But the anger doesn’t come.

“But I like to think I’d be off much worse if it wasn’t for you,” Lambert says, soft and honest and vulnerable, glancing up at Vesemir with insecurity in his eyes.

In reply, Vesemir gives Lambert a rare smile. He bumps his knee against Lambert’s and his own voice is soft, honest and vulnerable, too, when he says: “I love you too, son.”

“Good,” Lambert rasps, raw and emotional. “Yea, good. Now let’s finish this fucking bottle. I’d like to not remember this conversation tomorrow.”

Vesemir chuckles, but doesn’t turn down the bottle when Lambert offers it to him.

They will both pay for it in the morning, he’s sure.

A sacrifice he’ll gladly make.

my Witcher masterlist

[fantastic-rambles]

Ahhh yaknow what you’re right. I just went back and looked over some of the rod, and I didn’t see Langa explicitly agree to not to skate with Adam. He promised that he wouldn’t quit skating with Reki, but he only acknowledged Reki’s warning to not be reckless. It actually makes a bunch of sense why Langa would be confused by the distancing and argument. I see now why you were upset with Reki’s behavior. It feels kind of like a ‘secret contract’ sorta thing where Reki got upset over a broken rule Langa never realized he was supposed to abide by. And not only is that unfair like you said, but it flipped the situation as if Langa was being untrustworthy to his word when really Reki didn’t trust Langa not to quit skating with him just because of danger/injury. And especially since I’ve seen people make solid arguments for Langa being neurodivergent or neurodivergent-coded, it’s really not a stretch at all for him to see the situation like you did. Langa most likely saw the issue as solely reckless behavior leading to quitting. But clearly Reki’s own jealousy/insecurities added Langa preferring better skaters as potentially leading to them not skating together without ever discussing it until Langa was blindsided during the argument. I would’ve looked a better apology from Reki where he fully explained why he was upset when they were making up. It’s human for his feelings on the issue to change, but that should’ve been better expressed to Langa. Although Langa did a great job of accurately smoothing over what was bothering Reki without that. Maybe that’ll be rectified if he apologizes to Miya. I think Miya deserves one especially since Reki physically shoved him after he opened up about why his actions were such a sore spot for him. I actually thought Miya’s words would help Reki see the other side of things so seeing Miya get pushed was like a “Bro wtf??” moment for me. Again it’s understandable that people act out when they’re angry and Reki was obviously already struggling with his emotions, but it should be acknowledged again how wrong that was. Boy are you opening my eyes to a lot of problematic stuff lol.

Also, I’m very curious as to why you hate Shadow. For me, it’s because I can’t move past that comment in ep 1. I know ppl brush it off as just an (unnecessarily misogynistic) act for his persona, but that woman literally didn’t say anything to him and he insulted her for no reason by using her body as trophy to be defaced if he won. Ew. And just because he’s super nice to the flower shop lady, he does not get a pass. If he’s only respectful to women he’s attracted to and jumps at any other the opportunity to degrade women, he’s still a misogynist. And I’m pretty sure that he already new flower shop lady when the series started, so I don’t think you can argue that his character developed to be better towards women as a whole because of her or that he wouldn’t do something like that again at this point in the story. Especially since the goal of proving yourself as a “strong man” has not historically worked out to men being compassionate with women. (Tho within a vacuum devoid of his other actions, I can appreciate his commitment to a makeup routine)

Oh! And I would totally wanna read that fanfic if you write it!! I’m not even as gung-ho about Adam going to jail as most fans and Adam-haters tbh. Mainly because it’d probably be for political corruption via money bribes which is already kinda common and I don’t think the show has stated him to be doing anything particularly bad with it I don’t think so?? Like it seems to be mainly for the purpose of keeping S secret which is indeed a waste of money and effort when he could just buy it, but on the other hand, there doesn’t seem to be any ill consequences on the citizens the politician represents. So yea, it’s illegal so the jail time is technically deserved. But also like... no harm no foul🤷‍♀️ If he would be getting charged for assaulting other skaters than I definitely think that’s fair, but I doubt that’ll happen in the show just because I feel like no one will actually say anything when the time comes partially due to the shock of his arrest if they’re even involved. And I mean, Cherry was pissed at Adam for getting skaters hurt but still rolled out the hospital and joked like he was fine, so I just don’t particularly see anyone calling him out on it to the point of it being apart of his sentencing. The end of ep 11 with Cherry and Joe arguing about one of them going against Adam just doesn’t sound like condemning him to battery charges to me XD

But yaknow I’ve been loving hurt/comfort type fics lately, so I’d be really interested in seeing Adam truly work and change himself for some type of redemption in that setting. I can see hitting rock bottom as being really good for him given it may provide a reprieve from having to manage his image. Adam is underrated in complexity so it’s always cool when people try to flesh him out more and dive into his inner world. And of course Tadashi is kind of my fave (if you couldn’t tell) so I love anything healing for him as well :)

Yep, I was majorly pissed at Reki for how he treated Langa and Miya. His behavior is absolutely problematic. Not as bad as Adam, obviously, but with everything I’ve said and you’ve realized... yeah. I’m glad he made up with Langa and will probably make up with Miya, but it doesn’t invalidate everything he’s done before. Yes, he’s still an immature teenager, but I don’t think he realizes how messed up his behavior was, even after making up with Langa (the resolution seems to be based on him accepting that he’s not an ace skater, rather than recognizing how toxic his behavior was), so I’m still not satisfied. But hey, it’s probably just me being hyperfixated on trivial details that nobody else even cares about. /shrug

(I’m glad to know that I wasn’t misinterpreting the “promise,” or lack thereof, though!)

And I have two major problems with Shadow. My first--and biggest--problem is, as you’ve pointed out, that he’s an enormous misogynist. At “S,” people have the freedom to be exactly who they are beneath the facades that they show to the world. For example, Adam is someone desperately searching for someone who can understand him, not the perfectly put-together politician Shindo Ainosuke. Cherry and Joe are more true to their “real life” selves, but there are differences in their behavior on the track and off. And then there’s Shadow, the overcompensating “strong man” who threatens to make a guy tattoo “Dumpster Slut” over his girl’s name. So I 100% agree with everything you said about Shadow. He’s a chauvinistic pig.

The second problem is that I honestly think his actions when he’s racing are worse than Adam’s, and the only reason it’s not made out as such is because he’s the buttmonkey rather than the villain. I believe that, as problematic as Adam’s antics are, he does not intend to cause severe physical harm to his opponents. I’ve discussed this idea in more detail in other posts, but in short, even in the most extreme case--Cherry’s--his injuries were far lighter than they would have been if Adam had seriously wanted to hurt him. Death, coma, etc. were all highly probable outcomes of that situation, so the only reason they didn’t happen was because Adam was holding back. Or anime logic. But even anime logic can only stretch so far. And against lesser opponents like Reki, he generally holds onto them to ensure that they don’t accidentally hurt themselves when they’re panicking.

Of course, Shadow doesn’t intend to cause severe physical harm to his opponents either, but he does not exert any control over the situation after he throws fireworks at his opponent or shines a laser in their eyes. We’ve twice seen his opponents fall off the course as a direct result of his actions: Reki in the first race, Harry in the quarterfinals. They could have just as easily fallen off the cliff or slammed into a wall (at full speed) and been badly injured. If Shadow were an actual villain, I fully believe that he would have an actual body count of people who died racing against him (as opposed to Adam’s trail of injured opponents). So it bothers me that people shrug off what Shadow does while screaming for Adam’s death.

As for the scandal subplot... I’m *pretty* sure it’s a lot more serious than Adam bribing the police to leave “S” alone. I think he’s actually involved in some majorly shady/illegal activities politically. Like, in Episode 7, when the other Diet member gets pulled over, arrested, and has his house searched... there’s no way that has anything to do with “S.” At the very least, the two of them were collaborating on something really bad, something serious that Adam lied about under oath, and that’s enough for Adam’s staff to worry about what’s going to happen, especially Tadashi. We don’t know what it is specifically, but it’s definitely a lot more than just passing out bribes to hide “S.”

Lol, I’ll have to see how it goes. Probably won’t start it until after the anime finishes at the very least so I can see how it turns out for Adam and Tadashi, plus I have another half dozen WIPs at the moment and nowhere near enough time to work on them all. xD

[endless-whump]

S/O: Allowed to Love

CW: suicidal behavior, attempt to initiate spice as a trauma reaction by noncon survivor, self blaming, panic attack, box boy universe/conditioning, self harming panic/stim behavior

Masterlist

Takes place shortly after A Gamble, where Oliver attempts suicide

--

Simon had caught him trying to rip his bandages off.  He wasn’t sure how it turned into a fight, but somehow Oliver ended up rocking back and forth, begging incoherently as Simon hurriedly tried to talk him down.  His mind hurt, it felt blank but at the same time so loud, thoughts clashing in an endless spiral that hurt and hurt and hurt

Why does it hurt so fucking BAD

Oliver tugged at his hair, eyes squeezed shut as he sat, curled up on the couch.  Everything hurt and it wouldn’t stop and it never stops.  

“Please stop that, Oliver, come on-”  He just jerked away when hands tried grabbing at his wrists, almost violent in his attempts to get away from the touch.  He didn’t want it, he didn’t deserve it.  He just wanted it all to end and Simon stopped him.  He didn’t deserve to be helped.  He just wanted to die.

“I don’t WANT you to touch me!”  Oliver snapped, ignoring the way Simon flinched back at the tone.  He ignored it all, scrambling off the couch in a rage of pure anguish he couldn’t seem to control.  “I don’t want you to ever fucking touch me again!”

He knew as soon as the words were out of his mouth that he’d made a mistake.  The hurt on Simon's face was immediate, lips pressed together in a thin line as his eyes watered.  He rarely ever saw Simon cry, and he didn’t want to now.  He’d gone too far, was too blind in his own need to push Simon away.

“I, um-”  Simon started to stand, hands lowering.  “I’m sorry...I won’t. I can leave, if you want.”

“No, no Simon please I didn’t mean it, please-”  He was already getting up, he was leaving and he was angry and he fucked everything up and he needed to fix this, no no no-

He could fix this, he could diffuse this.

Oliver grabbed Simon's shirt, pulling himself close and pushing him back down onto the couch.  He barely thought as he straddled the other, his lips crashing into Simons in a desperate attempt to fix this.  It ignited a heat in his stomach he’d never felt before, not even with the person he was trained to love and crave.  He was pushed away, the kiss breaking just enough for Simon to protest.  He looked surprised, brows furrowed in concern and hurt.  He was crying and Oliver needed to fix that, he could make it go away.  He was always able to make it go away with Cedric.

“Hey..come on, Oliver, you know I can’t-”

“I’ll be good,” Oliver breathed frantically, slipping his hands under Simon's shirt.  He could be good, he could make things right again.  This was all his fault, everything was crumbling and he was scrambling to piece it back together.  He could be so so good and that would fix this, right?  This would show Simon that he still wanted him.  He nuzzled against Simon's neck with a soft kiss as he moved with skill to unbutton the top button of his jeans, moving with a trained purpose he’d never used for anyone except Cedric.

“Oliver, get off.”

His wrists were grabbed, almost harshly, in an attempt to remove them from his jeans.  Oliver ignored the spark of pain in his bandaged arms it ignited, jerking his hands away to shake Simon off and grabbing his waistband again, rolling his hips and pulling him closer.

“Oliver- Oliver I said STOP.”

He was stunned as he hit the floor hard, shoved off Simon with an aggressiveness so rarely directed at him.  He was breathing hard, shaking as he stared up at the other as he scrambled off the couch, almost rushing to help Oliver before stopping himself and stepped back.

“I’m..I’m so sorry Oliver, I can’t- I’m sorry.”  Simon looked scared, so unsure of himself in a guilt he seemed to be drowning in, judging by his expression.  There were tears running down his face, his hands shaking as he held them up, almost defensively.

“I..I can’t.”

And then he was gone.  Hurried out of the living room, the door slamming shut behind him and leaving Oliver completely alone.

He just broke the only true connection he ever had with a person, let him walk right out the door.  He was gone.  The one person he ever loved was gone.

---

“He’s gone,”  Oliver said quietly, eyes dull.  He held his arms out for Marie, unresisting as she turned his wrists over to inspect them carefully.  The stitches had come undone, nothing serious.  Just some bleeding.

You could just barely see the bruised imprints of fingers starting to form on his forearms where Simon had grabbed him in surprise, a reminder of just how much strength Simon usually withheld when handling Oliver.

“He’ll come back,”  She reassured calmly, watching his demeanor carefully.  Simon relied on Oliver more than what was visible on the surface, he’d be back.  She saw the way Simon woke up from nightmares, holding Oliver tight to reassure himself, seeming to calm down from just that feeling alone.  How he melted right into touch when Oliver offered it, small fingers shily tracing along his skin when he didn’t think Simon would notice.  How much Oliver’s extensive efforts and fixation on making food as a way of showing love got to him. How he listened to Simon ramble or read out loud for hours, the older boy able to get extremely talkative with his bonded when given the chance, a stark comparison to his usual, closed off self.  

Everything from the late nights spent talking and playing board games to the way Oliver, even with his impaired memory, seemed to remember every little detail of Simon's favorites and hatreds showed a deep commitment he had to Simon that went beyond a need for protection.  The damn kid was too nervous to speak up about being allergic to shellfish when Mia gave it to him, only stopped from eating it by Simons frantic intervention, and yet he didn’t hesitate to stop and point out when someone made Simons coffee with regular white sugar.  He preferred coconut sugar, apparently.

He gave Simon love in a lot of very quiet ways, but Marie quickly learned to notice it.  He gave everything he had to Simon, even if it didn’t seem like he had much.  They balanced each other out, in an odd way.

“You love him.”  She said softly.  She started to wrap Oliver’s arms gently, winding the soft bandaging around again and again as she watched him, trying to gage his reactions.

“Of,Of course I do, I-”

“No, Oliver.”

Oliver froze, glancing up at her.  She was giving him a soft, knowing look, resting a hand on his.

“You love him, and you’re pushing him away because you don’t think you deserve him.  You think of yourself as just a dependent.  I know you just think you’re a burden to him, someone he needs to protect, but you’re more than that.”

Oliver didn’t know what to say.  He looked down at his hands, trembling.  The room was still as he squeezed his eyes shut, taking a shuddering breath.

“Yea.  I um...I do love him.”  He dropped his head into his hands, hands running through his hair and grabbing lightly. “I love him, and I don’t..I don’t know what to do about it.”

The clock on the wall ticked loudly, Oliver’s breaths feeling loud in the otherwise quiet room.  None of this mattered now because Simon was gone, and he took a piece of Oliver with him.

“Oliver..it's ok to love him.  You know that, right?”

The silence that stretched between them was answer enough.

“You’re allowed to-”

“No I’m not.” Oliver cut in, voice tight.  He looked like he was in pain, staring at the floor with a fierce intensity, brows furrowed.  “I’m not allowed to because...because that isn’t fair to him.  I love him because that’s w,what I was trained to do, what we were trained to do.  It's, It's not fair for me to trap him in that.”

Marie considered him for a moment, pressing her lips together and taking a deep breath through her nose.  She wasn’t ever bonded but..she knew what it felt like to be forced to rely on someone.  All the rescues did, in some way.  Some didn’t even realize it.

“Were you trained to love him, Oliver?”

The boy blinked, finally looking up to meet her eyes.  He looked stunned at the question.  “Were you trained to love Simon?”  She repeated.  He licked his lips, gaze drifting over her shoulder as if he was zoning out before returning, expression conflicted.

“I guess..um..no. I wasn’t.”

“Ok then.  What were you trained to do with Simon?”

It felt like a trick question.  Oliver leaned back a bit, fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt as he thought carefully, gaze drifting to his hands.

“I, um, I was trained to trust him. Blindly. And to always listen to him. That he was safe.”

“Ok, and do you? Trust him blindly, always listen to him?”

Oliver shifted uncomfortably, feeling anxious.  He wanted to stop, he didn't want to answer these anymore.

“I’m gonna go ahead and answer that for you.  No.  You ran away from him when he hurt you, when he scared you.  You didn’t listen to him when he told you to stop hurting yourself, when you were trying to escape.  Oh- and you flat out told him no and hid for an hour when he tried giving you Nyquil.”  Marie sighed, rubbing idly at the joint of her thumb. “I know some of those circumstances weren’t healthy, but you know what?  The fact that you were able to say no to him is good.  You trust Simon but not blindly, not anymore.  You love Simon, and not because of anything they put in your brain.  You weren’t trained to love him, remember?  You might have been forced to trust and obey him, but they never made you love him.  Who were you trained to love, Oliver?”

There was a beat of silence before he answered, voice cracking with emotion

“Mr Cedric.”

“And do you love him?”

Another beat, this time carrying a quiet weight of realization.

“No.”

---

taglist

@insanitywishes @18-toe-beans @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @simplygrimly @cinnamonflavoredhugs @finder-of-rings @deluxewhump @ashintheairlikesnow @briars7 @albino-whumpee @thatsthewhump

[katsukikitten]

Something Immortal

You lie awake on the eve of your sixteenth birthday. Left arm held up, illuminated in the soft moonlight revealing nothing but a bare forearm.

A forearm that will soon be marred with a hint to whom you are destined to search for until the end of time.

Rising, falling and rising again just to find this special person until you're lucky enough to both be living at the same time.

Least we forget the same region and even then what of the same age?

Surely a forty year old with a fifteen year old would be frowned upon no matter their label.

It would be much more acceptable to reset yourself should your marking show up black or even worse not at all.

But even so each lifetime the two of you were meant to grow to support one another. No matter your age, time or region, and especially so if you've never met.

Your forearm held the key to find your soulmate.

The word in of itself gave you mixed feelings, especially so when many people had died young, wanting to reset in hopes of being born closer to their mate.

But did one really *need* someone else to complete them?

Did the universe really need to unveil the mystery of the fated red string by placing it on everyone's forearm for all to see?

By an ever changing line acting more as an eerie mood ring than anything else.

Showing you through a thick line what the current emotional state of your soulmate was.

Golden like the sun for happiness. Sky blue for calm, content, deep blue for sadness/depression. Burning red for anger, orange for pain, grey for apathetic and black.

Well black was either they were in deep sleep, unable to present an emotion to you or they just passed or died in the past decade.

All changing in intensity the closer or further you got from them. Brighter and more vibrant the closer one got to their destined other half.

And that was if by some fucking chance your soulmate was even living at the exact moment you turned sixteen. Some appeared much later in life and some never appeared at all. Bare skin leaving those people broken, with little hope for love.

Or for them to cling to one another in a desperate attempt at SOMETHING, often leading to toxic, damning relationships doomed from the beginning.

Hell there were even horror stories of finding your soulmate. Of the two of you being born out of tune or during a period in which you both must learn a hard lesson putting the two of you through a toxic dynamic even if it was destined.

But that wouldn't be you as you counted down the seconds.

Praying to Kamisama above that no line would ever appear on your forearm. Leaving it a blank canvas, hinting at the freedom you so wished for.

Because to be a slave to a what if sounded worse than a lifetime of solitude.

Kamisama does not bless you as an angry red line slashes across your skin, raising it into a welt before it settles back in.

As if it had always belonged there. The color was of average intensity hinting you were either in the same city or the same country as no one was really sure of the math involved.

You heaved heavy breathes as rage poured into your veins like molten lava before you steel yourself. Turning to your side table where a flathead screwdriver sat over a three wick candle. The metal a bright orange as you pick it up, with it the power to put fate into your own hands.

Or so you hoped as you pressed the hot metal over the banded skin grinding your teeth as you did.

Pressing until it bubbled up beneath the heat, trundles of smoke wafting a putrid smell of burning flesh into the air until you could take the sear no more.

You move the screwdriver away, satisfied to see the band overshadowed by a bright red burn.

Your pained yet satisfied smile falters when your forearm begins to glow again, healing itself as once burnt flesh scars a ghastly pink over your indicator.

Leaving a faint glow that struggles to show deep blue and burning red at the same time.

You swallow thickly, settling for the fact that you have some semblance of control over your fate.

At least now that your fate bound tattoo is veiled beneath a thick pink scar that desperately tries to distort and disguise that damned band.

××××××××××××

"Transfer?!" Exasperation leaks from you like a dam threatening to burst, "What do you mean transfer?!"

"Transfer. You know move from one place to another?" He flicks an agitated wrist allowing a holographic dictionary page appear in the air. You swat at the knowledge gnat angrily.

"Yea I know what that fucking means!"

"Language." He growls but as always it dies on deaf ears. The room hums, electricity, wind and sun light all thurming through your veins. Pleading to be absorbed and reformed.

Instead you clench your fists harder.

"So what does that mean for me?" You slam your open palm against your chest a bit dramatically. He rolls his eyes as smooth hands begin to pack your things too.

"It means you're coming with me. You're a minor. Musutafu has more qualified and diverse hero schools just as it has a more diverse job market for my own quirk. What did you plan to do here? Monopolize the hero market and demand a high wage?"

"That's *exactly* what I was going to do!" Nails gnaw into callused palms, "I'm already in demand here."

"Against what? An occasional drunk? Y/N, there is no future for us here. We need to succeed for...." He clears his throat as you watch his fragile shoulders dip with the weight of it all. Of endless knowledge and still having no way to bring them back.

"I haven't even put in any transfer papers or taken any exams. The semester starts soon."

"I've done the transfer papers for you. Your exam is at the end of the week. I've applied you to UA. You're a shoe in for sure. That viral video that kid shot of you already had over 1,463,890 views and counting." The very video he speaks of appears as the definition of transfer did before. You swat this away as well with burning cheeks just before you pull the lighting from the storm and reform it into several different shapes before allowing it to escape in the form of a cat.

"You're just gonna transfer me at the end of my second year?!"

"Yes, now is the perfect time. They will get you all caught up there. A provisional license, an internship. Real guidance on your quirk." He says it all nonchalant. As if he weren't packing away the baby pictures of you and himself from the wall.

Or delicately wrapping up the shrine set our for what was supposed to be the two biggest supporters of your life.

As if he wasn't packing up your entire life in under the span of three hours.

You watch your dream of living a low profile with high pay in some almost off the grid town get stuffed into another grimy cardboard box.

"You're my big brother. You're supposed to support my dreams!" A scream rips up your throat as the lights flicker in the room.

"Well I'm not just your big brother any more Y/N, I'm your guardian. Whether you like it or not we ARE leaving and that's final. So go blow off some steam before the house implodes and when you come back. Pack. Your. Stuff."

You had never slammed a door harder in your life. Rushing towards the river as a summer storm begins to roll in. Lightening crackling on it's own across the sky as you run your left hand through your hair.

Eyes catching that fucking line peaking out beneath the burn, hardly ever changing from that damned red.

You were sure your mark reflected that of your soulmate's own, hinting that the both of you may be suspended in your own personal hells.

Good let them suffer as deeply as you do. Nails pick at the old scar subconsciously reopening just for it to close again long before the blood beneath your nails has a chance to harden.

The pain gives you focus as you close your eyes, breathing slowly and deeply.

Exhaling as the storm brings itself to a head.

Time seems to slow, almost freeze as you see with your minds eye the energy converting into something else all together.

Of the weight of the water finally to heavy from the clouds. Giving in to the call of gravity as if it were the song of a siren.

Of the negative charge calling to the positive, demanding, begging for it to come down to kiss if even for the fleeting moment of a second.

Nature calls to nature much like the undeniable bond that throbs on your arm.

Particles reach out towards the heavens as your hair slowly begins to stand on your goosed skin.

Your eyes snap open as your blood thrums through your veins, the lightening above targeted straight on your now out reached hand.

Power flows through you freely, overwhelmingly slow, threatening to fray every nerve you have should you not give this all of your focus.

Should you not release it, reshape it before you lose the battle.

Your left comes to meet your right before you make a fluid step, bringing your left down and straight out.

Lightening surges from your finger tips across the wide as it is ancient river. Branching out to kiss the heads of white rafts.

With each strike you bend the lightening to your will as if it were a simple dance. Reshaping the blinding blue and golden strikes into forest creatures that dart around the ground until they meet their end.

The movements take a lot of focus and brain power, sweat beads along your brow as your mind finally is numbed to your worries.

Still one gnawed at the back of your mind, clawing at the obsidian walls you thought you placed up. Whispering in a voice so distorted it was if they were speaking with gravel in their throat.

More people meant more chances of finding your souls mate.

Or worse yet your soul mate finding you.

The thought shakes you to your core, bringing down your wall as all of the possibilities flood the forefront of your mind.

Lightening strikes before you can sense it, you barely have enough time to react redirecting it into a deadly, much over powered strike across the river hitting a large electrical elk you created.

The sound it makes is just the composition of energy, still it echoes in your head as more of a scream then anything.

Before your own nerves on your right hand demand attention.

Having been struck without your mind in the proper place to absorb, your fingertips the only thing damaged but still the scars are there.

Foreign purple veins branch out in jagged directions, like a lightening strike just beneath your skin.

Giving a deadly reminder as to why you can never avoid to lose focus over something as trivial as a soulmate.

[bakubabes-tatakae]

The Demon’s Keeper (Part Four)

Author’s Note: If anyone wants to be added to the taglist for this feel free to let me know ! Happy to add anyone !

(Rin Okumura x Reader)

Summary: Rin Okumura is a hot headed demon who is hard to keep under control, only one person seems to be able to do it better than anyone, Y/N. For that, she’ll be known at the Demon’s Keeper, but what exactly does that entail for them?

AO3 Link

Part One, Part Two:*NSFW Ahead*, Part Three

Part Four:

Word Count:2836

I grabbed Rin’s hand and Shiro led us through the street. Coal Tars were filling the air, I had never seen anything like it before. Shiro exorcised them as we ran, trying to clear a path. “The road is unmarked for those without faith. The hand of faith will fling them from Jacob’s ladder.” More puffs of smoke as the Coal Tars disappeared. My brain couldn’t wrap around what was happening, but my body moved without me even thinking about it. I had to get Rin out of there. I wouldn’t let him be harmed. Shiro’s words the other day ran through my head... “Protect him in any way you can, keep his anger under control as best as you can. If anything ever happens that could bring out his powers I need you to follow everything I tell you to the letter and not falter.” I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. Come on Y/N, I need to focus. 

Shiro grabbed the door on the top of a roof and yanked it open, basically throwing Rin and I through it and slamming the door behind him. “You know, it’s not exactly easy to babysit at my age.”

Rin raised his fist. “Hey, who are you calling a baby.”

Shiro started running down the stairs. “Let’s get home as quick as we can.”

“Are you saying it’s not over?”

Shiro turned, a look of anger on his face. He wasn’t angry at us, angry at the demons who thought it was okay to try and harm his son. “I already told you, demons of all species will be coming after you.The sun will be down soon, that’s when the demons really become active.”

I grabbed Rin’s hand again and started dragging him behind Shiro as we ran through the building and back out onto the street. As we finally reached the gates of the monastery other monks were running toward us. They began to speak before we could even get a word in. “Welcome home!”

“How did it go?” Shiro slowed when we made it to the gate. 

“We purged all of the Coal Tars and I triple reinforced the spiritual barrier all around the monastery.”

We continued to walk toward the door, determination all across Shiro’s face. “Double it again. It surely won’t hold until morning. We are being attacked by a kinsmen of Astaroth.. I want the sewers doused with triple density holy water. Not a single one must be allowed to infiltrate.” 

“Yes sir,” He ran off, getting started on his orders as we entered the main room.

Loud bangs were being heard outside and Rin and I whipped around to look behind us. I grabbed Rin’s arm and buried my face. “Shiro, what was that?”

“Demon’s are trying to get in, the barrier is stopping them.” He was moving the organ across the floor and showed a hidden stairwell.He turned to us. “Come with me.”

We followed without hesitation and we approached a locked cabinet. Shiro unlocked it and held up a sheathed sword for us to see. “This is the Kouma sword, also known as Kurikara, the name of an ancient and legendary demon slaying sword. Many years ago I transferred your demonic powers to this sword and sealed the scabbard.”

Rin tensed in my arms. “Wait… my… powers?”

“This sword is more important than your life. It must never fall into anyone’s hands. Keep it by your side, even when you sleep. Remember, this must never be drawn. Once drawn your demonic powers will be awakened and then you can never go back to being human.”

Rin looked angry. “Hold on, if I’m supposed to be some kind of demon, then don’t tell me he’s one.” We both knew he was referring to Yukio.”

“Even though you and Yukio are fraternal twins, Yukio was underdeveloped and frail and proved too weak to sustain the power. You alone inherited these powers.” Shiro looked over at me. “You remember all that we talked about the other night?”

I nodded and tightened my grip on Rin’s arm. “Yes sir.”

Rin’s glance shot over to me as more loud bangs could be heard outside. He was clearly agitated that I was in the loop at all. “Did everybody know about this? That I’m not really a human being?” He started to shout. “That I’m the spawn of the devil! Why the hell did you keep quiet about something this important the whole time?!”

Shiro was getting angry with Rin. “I’ll raise you as long as you remain human. In order to keep you alive, you of demonic origin, it’s the one condition that had to be met.”

“Condition?” Rin and I spoke at once. 

“I needed to raise you as a human being. That’s why I chose to say nothing about the secret of you and your brother’s birth.” A crash was heard, it had such force that the entire monastery was shaking. “Come on!” Shiro handed Rin the sword and led us back up the stairs. 

When we got back up the stairs we noticed that the entrance had been completely demolished. The young boy Shiro had just exorcised was back, clearly posessed again. His horns were back and he looked even more disfigured than he did the first time. He had two ghouls in tow. “I’ve come for you my little prince. Let us return home to Gehenna.” He reached and grabbed onto Rin’s leg, his arm extending across the entire room. Rin hit the ground as he tugged him and the monks closest to the boy threw holy water on him, causing him to lose his grip.

Rin sat on the floor and I knelt down next to him. “Rin, are you okay?” 

Shiro grabbed us both by the shirt and threw us upright and into the wall. “Come morning the demons will taper off, you guys have got to leave now and hide yourselves where the demon won’t find you. Do you hear me Y/N?”

“Hide? Where are we going to hide Shiro?” I was panicked. 

Shiro held his cell phone out and stuck it in my hand. “There’s only one number saved in this. He’s a good friend, call him as soon as you two leave the monastery. I’m certain he’ll be willing to take you in and protect you.”

Rin tried to interject. “Hey-” He was cut off when Shiro gave him a huge shove and he tumbled down the stairs.

He looked at me and pointed down the stairs. “Keep him safe Y/N.”

I ran down the stairs to grab Rin and Shiro shut the door behind us. Rin broke free of my grasp and headed for the stairs, yelling to Shiro. “We’re not done talking yet.”

I grabbed his arm and tugged on it. “Rin, we have to go. We can’t stay here. We have to make it to the road and call this number.”

Rin fought and fought. “I’m not leaving!” He climbed back up the stairs and started banging on the door. “Let me out old man!” As he continued to hit the door over and over it finally came free. Rin ran through the opening and grabbed a pitch fork and threw it as hard as he could toward the possessed boy, his form was now gigantic. What had happened while we were stuck down there? He looked over at Shiro as the boy went flying backwards. “Like I said, we ain’t done talking yet you old fart.”

The demon spoke. “Young prince, what on earth,” 

The demon was cut off as Shiro spoke and slammed his foot into his chest. “Lord in heaven hang a millstone around his neck so that he may never again rise from the depths in hell, inhabited by Leviathan.”

It pleaded. “Stop!”

“Unable to see and unable to hear, imprisoned by eternal darkness.” It screamed and black smoke came pouring out of its mouth again, turning the boy back into his normal self. Shiro looked at the monks around him. “Bring the car around.” He looked down at the boy. “Someone brand this youngster with the mark of tetramorph and don’t forget to purify him.”

“Yes father.”

I interjected, they were clearly all hurt. “Wait a second, shouldn’t you take care of your own wounds first?”

“No,” Shiro turned to us. “Right now our first and only priority is to get you guys safe and into hiding. Don’t ever forget Rin, that the demons are coming after.”

Rin’s eyes turned to small slits as his anger started to get the best of him. “Is that right? So what you’re saying is that life would be a lot better if I was history?”

“No Rin!”

“Fine, I’ll be happy to bounce, you’d feel a lot better if I did anyway.” Rin grabbed my hand and started to lead me toward the door. 

Shiro ran after us. “Rin!”He grabbed Rin’s shoulder.

Rin turned and slapped his hand away. “Let go. You’re the one that wants to kick me out of here. You don’t have to tell me that I’m the screwed up son…. Actually, we’re not even related, so I’m the screwed up stranger, right?”

I grabbed his arm and tugged on him. “Stop it Rin!”

“Come on, why won’t he admit it!?” He looked from me to Shiro. “You’re just sick and tired of pretending to be my family. Or is it against your religion to say something like that? Or wait, is it that you want one last time to play the perfect dad!” As the next words left Rin’s mouth I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Give me a break. You’re not my father. You’re nobody to me. Don’t ever let me see you acting like my father again.”

Shiro went to open his mouth, but I stepped in front of him. “RIN, ENOUGH!” Shiro reached around me and planted a slap across Rin’s face. Rin didn’t speak after the slap, he just stood and stared at the two of us. I could feel tears running down my face, this wasn’t how today was supposed to go. I leaned forward and put my hands on Rin’s chest and buried my face in it. I could feel all my emotions welling up inside and tried so hard not to let them out. 

Shiro spoke. “It will be morning soon. Hurry, go get your things.”

Rin put his hand on the back of my head and held me to him. “Yea, okay.” He put his arm around my waist and started to lead me to our bedroom. What had just happened?

From behind us we heard a tumble, we turned to see the monks all running toward Shiro. Shiro was on his knees, clutching his chest. They started to yell for him. “Father Fujimoto!”

“Stay away!” He was shaking. “Don’t come another step closer to me.” The lights on the wall around us started to burst, glass shattering everywhere. 

It was dark now. Rin’s grip on my waist tightened as he pulled me toward him, the Kurikara sword held tightly in his other hand. “What’s going on?”

A demonic laugh came from Shiro as his body shook. “At long last, I’ve claimed this body as my own.”

Rin approached Shiro. “Old man?”

Shiro looked up at the two of us, he smiled, his teeth were sharp as daggers and we watched his ears turn long and pointed. “Finally, we meet, my long lost son!” Blue flames erupted around Shiro’s body as he stood up straight, laughing maniacally. Rin took his hand off my waist to shield his face from the heat. 

“What the hell’s wrong with you old man?”

The monks were in the corner, hiding behind a wall, trying to plan an attack. “He’s been possessed. Satan has entered him and taken over his body.”

Shiro looked at us. His voice had a demonic tone to it. “It’s exactly as he says. I am Satan. I am the ruler of Gehenna and your true father, but you can call me poppa if you want.” He laughed again. 

“Father Fujimoto!”

They all started to run at him. “SHUT UP!” Blue flames erupted on their bodies as well and they were lifted off the ground, tossed aside like they were nothing but garbage. “Don’t you dare spoil our touching reunion. I’m afraid time is running out for me.” Rin and I were glued in place, neither of us able to move. “My power is too much for Assiah and so, whatever I possess is doomed not to last long.” Blood was starting to run down Shiro’s face. “Including this old man’s body and just like your mother, my son.”

A black ooze was beginning to form in a huge opening on the floor in front of us. Ooze was starting to rise from the floor. Rin started to push me backwards, tripping over his own feet, sending me flying into the wall behind us and him hitting the floor. “What the hell is that?”

“Gehenna gate. The magical door linking Assiah and Gehenna, now then, let’s be off.” He walked toward Rin. 

Rin started to crawl backwards toward me, still clutching the sword. “No, stay away!” As he screamed blue flames, exactly matching the ones around Shiro’s body, engulfed him, just like they had in the alley.

Satan laughed more. “What was that supposed to be? Did you just piss your pants or something? Pathetic.” He approached him again. “Just get your demonic powers back already.” He grabbed Rin by the sweatshirt and lifted him. 

I started to crawl forward. “RIN!”

With one flick of his wrist the demon possessing Shiro sent me flying backwards again and then started to drag Rin across the floor. I clutched my side as I hit the ground and Rin fought against his grip. “Y/N!” He reached out toward me. “I’m not a demon. I’m a human.”

“The dark blood of the ruler of Gehenna runs thick in your veins, yet your body exists here in Assiah.” He picked him up and tossed him into the ooze. “You’re extraordinary, you know?”

The ooze started to form around Rin and the blue flames subsided. Rin’s screams crushed me. It was hopeless. How had Shiro expected me to do anything when I had no idea what was happening?

“Today’s the day or your rebirth my son.” The demon held his arms up. 

Rin pleaded with us for help. “Somebody! Help me!” I had never seen him scream so loud or look so terrified. 

“Happy birthday my beloved son!” Suddenly Shiro grabbed his necklace and plunged it into his heart. The next time he spoke his voice was normal, though the flames still engulfed him. “No, that boy is my son and I’m taking him back.” The two fought each other for possession of Shiro’s body. “Curses, what do you think you’re doing? Damn you exorcist.” Shiro’s body collapsed in front of us. “So, you mean to sacrifice your own life for him? You astound me you wretched priest. However, it’s already too late.” Shiro’s body was slowly sinking into the ooze. “Gehenna gate has taken ahold of you and it will never let you go.”

Rin was in completely panic mode. He rushed through the ooze and over to Shiro. “Old man!” He pushed and pushed. “Hang on old man! Don’t give up! DAMN!” They both started to sink in.”

My panic rose more as Rin and Shiro vanished under the black ooze. My adrenaline pulsed through my body and I stood up, running as fast as I could toward them. Suddenly, Rin’s hand came back up through the ooze and grabbed the Kurikara sword. I tried to stop him. “Rin! No! Remember what Shiro told you, if you draw that sword you’ll-” I was too late. Rin pulled the sword out of the sheath and a blue light shown before flames engulfed Rin’s body. His ears turned pointed and a tail grew behind him. He raised the sword above his head and screamed as he flung it back down, hitting the ooze, causing it to disappear. Shiro’s lifeless body laid in front of us. Rin put the sword back in the sheath and dropped to his knees. I could see the tears falling down his face. 

I ran over to him and dropped onto my knees in front of him. Before I could grab hold of him he dropped the Kurikara sword and collapsed into my arms, burying himself into me. “Dad...” 

A familiar voice spoke behind us. “Rin?” As I turned I saw who it was, Yukio. Yukio took off at a run when he saw Shiro and dropped next to him. 

Rin let all his emotions go and shook uncontrollably, tears soaking the front of my shirt. I held him tight. “I’m right here baby.” He wrapped his arms around my waist to hold me closer. “I’ll never let you go Rin.”

Taglist 💕 @thebookwormfairy @psycho-emi 

Part Five, Part Six

Updated: 5/13/2020

[bylerboyfriends]

Can you write something with Will like being out somewhere and he runs into his dad whose just a big, dumb jerk and so he calls Mike to ask him to pick him up. And Mike's just super comforting and protective because I live for that obviously.

When Will Byers looked outside his bedroom window, a smile was immediately brought to his face. It was a wonderfully sunny day. He rushes out of his bedroom and down the stairs; nearly each step causing a creak in the boards. Their house in Ohio is nicer and bigger than their Indiana home even though it’s very old and in great need of a new paint job.

When he reaches the kitchen he is greeted by his mother. A small smile on her face as she stands at the counter with a mug of coffee in her hand. “Hi honey,” she says, opening her arms for a hug, “I knew you’d be down early on such a pretty day.”

Will smiles widely as he leans into her embrace, “Hi mom.”

They exchange a few words before Will takes the short grocery list and a twenty dollar bill then heads out the door. Their house was very conveniently placed, only a moderate walk from town. It’s an enjoyable walk: large trees that provide shade from the sun, sweet sounding birds, and the nicest neighbors ever.

As Will is strolling down the street he gets several smiles from cute elderly members of the block, sometimes being stopped for an exchange of small talk. He soon makes it to town, where he enters a family owned shop and is greeted by an enthusiastic hello from the owner. “Byers! I was just wondering when you would stop by again!”

“Hi, Mr. DeMarco! Just need a few things.”

“Of course, son. Oh, there’s a sale on Pillsbury products.” He winks and moseys away.

Will only took 4 steps down an aisle before he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see none other than his father.

“Hey there, boy.” Lonnie ruffled his son’s hair and half grinned down at him.

“D-dad?” Will didn’t even know if it was appropriate to call him that. He sure as hell hasn’t been much of a dad since.... well he never really had been one. “What do you want?”

Lonnie chuckled. A wet, sarcastic laugh. He’s been drinking. “What, a man can’t visit his son?”

“How’d you find me?”

Lonnie paused a moment before responding, looking Will up and down. “Ways.”

Will began to freak out. How in the hell did Lonnie find him? Does he know someone here, in Ohio? He takes a few steps backwards. This resulted in another chuckle from his father.

“You always were a fuckin’ pussy. Never wanting to face what’s in front of you.”

“What do you want? Why are you here?”

“I have a right to see my family.”

“We are NOT family.”

“Now, son,” Lonnie puts a hand on Will’s shoulder. When he pulled back from his touch, Lonnie got angry and grabbed both of Will’s arms, then got uncomfortably close to his face. “No matter how much you want to deny it, I’ll always be a part of you. You’ve got half my DNA kid, that’s not something you can run away from.”

“What exactly have I run from, dad? Because I can bet that I’m braver than you’ll ever even dream to be.”

Lonnie shoved his shoulder.

“You don’t know a thing about me. You don’t even want to! All you care about is making sure I know that we’re the biggest regret of your life.”

Another shove.

“Is this what happens when I don’t run? You push me away instead? Because it’s YOU that’s afraid to face what’s in front of you. Not me.”

Lonnie pushes Will so hard he slides down the floor of the aisle. “SHUT UP. SHUT THE HELL UP. You’ve got a lot of nerve talking to me like that, son.”

“I WILL NEVER BE YOUR SON.”

Lonnie rears his fist back. Will shuts his eyes tight and braces himself, but the punch never comes. Instead, there were sirens.

Will opened his eyes to see his dad running to the back exit of the store. He looks up from his position on the floor to see Mr. DeMarco at the end of the aisle, a concerned look on his face.

“Hey kid,” he says shyly, “you alright?”

“Uhm...” Will turns to avoid the sweet store manager seeing the tear slide down his cheek. “Yea, I’m fine. Thank you, Mr. DeMarco. C-can I borrow your phone?”                                        *** Mike got there frighteningly quick. When Will called him, he was ironically already on his way to visit the Byers as a surprise. But as soon as Mike heard the panic in his best friend’s voice, he pushed twice as hard on the gas pedal. He was honestly surprised he didn’t get pulled over, but it wouldn’t matter anyway. Will was hurting.

Mike swerves into a parking space and rushes to Will, who was sitting on the sidewalk outside of a small store. “Will, are you okay? What happened?”

“My dad,” he responds. “He found me, somehow. I- I don’t know how but he did and as soon as he saw me he just started... started berating me. Treating me like shit when he hasn’t even seen me since... since....”

Mike realized then that the last time Will’s father came around was when everyone thought he was dead. Even then, Lonnie only cared because he saw profit in the misery.

“Will, it’s okay now.” Mike looks around to see cops talking to a short and chubby man who seemed to be the store manager. “The cops will take care of it. They’ll find him and put his ass in jail.”

His best friend sighed exasperatedly, as if Mike’s words had no truth to them. “On what charges? All he did was shove me.”

“HE SHOVED YOU? WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS?” Mike only thought Lonnie had come to... well Mike didn’t really know what he had come to do. All he knew was that Will sounded scared and Mike needed to be there for him immediately. But now that he knows that asshole pushed Will? Anger was bubbling in the pit of his stomach. The knowledge that he couldn’t do anything, wasn’t there to protect Will... what if Will didn’t get away? What if no one called the cops?

“Mike?”

Will’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. When he looked over at his friend, the mixed emotions in his eyes broke his heart. Confusion, concern, frustration... fear. Mike sat next to his friend, “I’m sorry, Will. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

Tears fall onto Will’s cheeks. The exhaustion in his eyes broke something in Mike. He knew the pain his friend has been through. He couldn’t help but want to take Will into his arms and tell him everything will be okay.

He decides that might be too forward, though. Instead he helps Will stand up and they go to Mike’s car. When they were situated in the driver and passenger seat, Mike took Will’s hand. “You don’t have to go home, Will. I’ll stay here with you all night.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to! I’m not letting you go home when you feel unsafe. And this is the perfect opportunity,” Mike turns and puts his arm in between the seat and the car door. Suddenly, the chair pops backward, “To show off my reclining seats.” He wiggles his eyebrows; this was his weak attempt at cheering Will up.

He did end up smiling and wiping the tears off his red and puffy cheeks, eyes bloodshot. He hates seeing Will like this, it’s a side of Will that Mike is all too familiar with.

“Hey. You’re not alone.” He squeezes Will’s hand. “I’m here. I’ll stay as long as you need me to. You can come stay with me for a little while, even. The piece of shit already knows where I live so he wouldn’t be getting any new information.... Just tell me what you want, Will. I’ll do anything.”

….And this is when Will finally breaks down. He leans over the armrest that separates the two boys and leans into Mike’s chest, crying harshly. “What does he want, Mike? What does he want!”

A solid rock of anger, stress, and longing seemed to plant itself in his lungs. All he could do was wrap his arms around his friend and assure him that it will be okay. He lets him cry into his chest while rubbing circles on his back, not making a sound as tears stream down Mike’s own face.

Mike had planned to surprise Will that day. To use the courage he’s forced himself to work up and finally confess his feelings for Will. Of course he didn’t know what would come of it and he was scared as hell but… this was supposed to be a good day. No matter what would have happened Mike would at least be relieved of the secret he’s been killing himself with for years now.

But maybe his plans didn’t play out for a reason. Obviously it’s inappropriate to confess now, when the boy he’s in love with is crying, scared and shaking in his arms.

Maybe it’s a sign. Maybe Mike just isn’t meant to tell Will just yet… or ever. Maybe he should just be grateful that he’s friends with the boy of his dreams. He shouldn’t ruin what he already has.

Eventually, Will ended up completely in the driver's seat. Both boys cuddled close together. Mike continued to rub Will’s back as he was asleep, his face snuggled into Mike’s chest. He had never felt so uncomfortable yet completely secure in his life. He knew there would be several kinks in his neck and back tomorrow but he refused to move. Will was safe in his arms, peacefully asleep. And if this was the best Mike could get, he’ll take it. He’ll hold Will tight and bask in the closeness.

For now, this is good. For now, Mike is content. 

[robinrunsfiction]

The Lonely Road

Pairing: Gerard Way x Female Reader

Rating: Teen (for online harassment)

Requested By: None

Word Count: 2,400

Author’s Note: Inspired by the song Outnumbered by Dermot Kennedy, so feel free to give it a listen as you read. Originally this was gonna be a Valentine’s story, but now Valentine’s is over, and so I just took out the brief mentions of it. Also it’s a Gerard story so of course it’s longer than intended so taking parts out probably is for the better 😅 Shout out to my number one @mariawritesfanfic for helping me wrap this story up

You scrolled through your twitter feed, as hours on the tour bus left you with few other options to pass the time. Your new album had just come out and you wanted to see how people were reacting to it. 

OMG @(YFN)(YLN)’s album is awesome! Everyone check it out now!

The only reason she’s famous is bc of @gerardway

The album is ok if you consider she fucked her way into stardom

I stg if mcr ever breaks up it’s gonna be (YN)'s fault

(YN) should just break up with gee so he can be with frank liek everyone knows he wants to be

You felt sick to your stomach as you read through the messages. Sure there were tweets from fans saying how much they enjoyed the album, and they love Gerard and you together, but those weren’t the ones that stuck out in your mind. It was the negative messages that caught your attention and soured your mood.

As if he was reading your thoughts, a text from Gerard appeared on your screen. “Hey sugar, congrats on the album. It’s amazing and so are you xoxo love you”

You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes at the love and kindness of his message. “Thanks love," you replied before tossing your phone aside. You pulled shut the curtain on your bunk and let the tears fall silently. 

~

You had met Gerard at an award show. You had always been a fan of his and My Chem, but you were beyond nervous to say anything to him when you saw him across the room. When he approached you and said he actually had been listening to your music and was a fan, you thought you might transcend onto another plane of existence right then and there. You found him to be surprisingly easy to talk to and exchanged phone numbers so you could hang out sometime.

Hanging out sometime turned into hanging out often. Then one night under the stars in his backyard, your casual hanging out turned into sharing your thoughts, hopes, and fears you'd never voiced to anyone. The next day you were worried you'd never see or hear from him again, having revealed too much of your emotional baggage too soon, but that afternoon he called and asked you out on a real date. The date was perfect for two people like you and Gerard, complete with a tender, careful kiss that took your breath away. In an instant, you were falling hard.

After that it really became you and Gerard. When all of your friends found out, they were so happy for both of you, as they could see how happy you made each other. Then one day the rest of the world figured it out as well. Gerard had come to one of your recording sessions and had snapped a picture of you laughing in the recording booth and posted it online with the caption "the most beautiful person making the most beautiful sounds ❤" The fans put it together and a barrage of messages flooded your social media feed. Some people thought it was cute, many were awful, but you let it all roll off your back as you were too in love to care what anyone thought.

Months passed, and now that album was out. You had hoped Gerard would be able to join you on the road, but My Chem was in the studio themselves so he wasn't able to be there. You understood, but being away from him for the first time, while dealing with the stress of releasing an album, your first tour, and his angry fans, it was almost getting to be too much.

You had finally fallen asleep only to be awakened what felt like moments later by your manager Christine's voice.

"Rise and shine rock star, time to charm the lovely people of," she paused and you could hear her flipping through papers, "Fort Wayne, Indiana."

You sighed. You had wanted this for so long, it had been your dream for years. But now you were questioning everything.

~

"We're joined in studio by (YFN) (YLN), her new album just came out last week and we are loving it here on 106.7 FM," the overly cheerful radio host announced. “You have a lot of fans here in Madison!”

"Thank you," you replied with a tired smile. You hoped your lack of energy wasn't evident by your voice.

"Tell us, how much of an influence was your boyfriend? And for anyone who hasn't heard, (YN) is dating that oh so sexy MCR frontman, Gerard Way."

You had gotten this question at almost every interview, as if you were incapable of creating your own music. "He was there for some of the recording sessions, but a lot of the album was written before we met, so not a huge influence musically."

"What's it like to date someone so famous?"

"I mean, it's not like a topic of conversation for us," you replied sharply. You glanced up and saw the look Christine was giving you. "I mean, we talk about music and our projects and give each other feedback, but that's pretty much it. We're pretty normal weirdos."

After the interview was over and you played a few songs live, and then reboarded the bus.

"What the fuck was that?" Christine asked as the bus rolled down the road.

"What the fuck is with these interviews? It's never about me and my music. It's about Gee or the people on the internet and all the bullshit! That's not why I'm out here! I want to talk about my songs!"

Christine nodded. "Ok, I'm sorry girl. You're right. I'll make sure the next one we keep it focused on the music. We can't have you blowing up on another host."

"I didn't blow up! I snapped at worst," you retorted, rolling your eyes.

"Either way, we're on our way to Iowa now."

"Can't wait," you muttered and crawled into your bunk.

~

The dark cloud that had settled over you was not going away or getting better. While Christine was doing a better job of reminding the interviewers beforehand to lay off the relationship questions, they still came up, sometimes after the actual interview was over, sometimes they just disregarded your wishes all together to get juicy gossip. You did your best not to appear annoyed, but the longer you were away from Gerard, the harder it got.

She's an ugly, untalented leech! She doesn't love gee or else she would have put a song about him on the album!

He doesnt seem happy like he used to before her

The album jsut sucks. I mean i didnt listen to it, i just assume it does

She should just die

You couldn't take it any longer. The constant, incessant stream of hate coming at you was too much. You dialed Gerard and went into the back of the bus, shutting the door behind you.

"Hey (YN), how is everything goin?"

"I can't do it anymore Gee," you said, trying to keep your voice steady 

"Do what?" He asked, immediately concerned.

"Tour, be a musician, be someone in the public eye, I can't take it!" You sobbed, unable to control your emotions any longer. "I feel like I have no privacy anymore! Everything I do is wrong, everything I don't do is wrong! I just wanna give up! I don't wanna do this anymore!"

"Hey, hey, sugar, it's ok. Did someone say something to you today?"

"It's been every fucking day," you cried. "I wanna come home, I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't want anyone to know who I am anymore."

"Take a deep breath," Gerard said, trying to keep you calm. "Where are you?"

"On the bus."

"Where are you going, or where were you?"

"I don't even know anymore. All I see is fucking corn everywhere."

"Ok, umm, where is Christine?"

"In her bunk," you sniffled.

"Can I talk to her?"

You got up and made your way to the bunks and knocked on the frame surrounding Christine's.

"Yea?" She asked, opening the curtain. "Woah, girl, what's wrong?"

"Gee wants to talk to you," you said holding out your phone.

"Hello? What's going on?" Christine asked Gerard. She listened and nodded and mm hmm'ed along. "She seemed stressed, but not that bad," she said as she watched you sink wearily to the floor, pulling your knees to your chest. "No, I hadn’t heard that… Yea, we're setting out from Omaha now, on our way to Denver," she paused. "Ok... Yea... Sounds good. Yea, we'll get our girl through this."

You looked up at her from your spot on the floor and she smiled down sympathetically and handed the phone back to you.

"Gee?" You said softly, the anger and fear and frustration having quieted.

"Hey sugar, we've got a plan for you, you're gonna be ok. But where are you hearing from the people that are criticizing you?"

"Twitter," you mumbled and you heard Christine mutter "I knew it."

"Delete it, you don't need that in your life. You're too talented and beautiful and wonderful to let anyone make you feel anything less," he said gently. "I love you, (YN) ."

"Love you too," you replied, a smile finally cracking through.

"Get some rest, we'll talk soon."

~

You had immediately crawled into your bunk and fallen into a deep sleep. The weight of your thoughts no longer weighing you down now that you had shared them with Gerard. When you finally woke up, you were rolling into Denver. You made your way to the front of the bus to find Christine on her phone.

"What's on the schedule today?" You yawned.

"Nothing."

"What?"

"You need a day off. We've been pushing you way too hard, and I just wish I would have realized it sooner. So we moved your interview to tomorrow afternoon and we're staying here overnight."

"Really?" You asked, stunned.

"Yep, we're going to the hotel right now."

It was incredibly refreshing to be in a hotel with a real bed and shower, and everyone was actually thankful for your meltdown that got them this break. 

You took an extra long, hot shower to allow your muscles to relax, and then crawled into bed to call Gerard and give him an update. As his phone rang you heard a knock on your door. Keeping your ear to your phone in case he picked up you answered the door. 

"Gerard!" You squealed as you launched yourself at him and he wrapped you in his arms.

"I missed you so much (YN)," he murmured against your neck. "I couldn't stand to hear the pain in your voice and not be there to make it better.”

"But you hate flying! And your studio time!" You exclaimed as you pulled him into your room and he dropped his bag on the floor.

“We were spinning our wheels and needed a break from recording,” he smiled reassuringly before he leaned in and kissed you with all the longing that had built up over the weeks apart. You ran your hands through his black hair and felt the tears slip down your cheeks. “And I’d fly to the moon if it meant I could spend a minute with you. I just wish I could have been here for you from the beginning, I wish I realized that you were struggling.”

“I didn’t want you to worry about me. I thought I could handle it, but everything kept chipping away at me until I broke down completely.”

“I wanna worry about you, (YN). You’re my girl and I love you, and I wanna be there for you no matter what,” he said softly, wiping away the tears on your cheeks.

“Thank you,” you replied. “It’s just hard when it’s coming at you from every direction.”

“I know,” he said, pulling you back to him in a tight hug. “But for today it’s just you and me. No one else matters.”

You smiled up at him before pulling him into another sweet kiss.

~

The next morning you woke up with Gerard’s arms wrapped around you, holding you close. It almost felt too good to be true. As he slowly started to wake up, he gave you his lopsided smile and you couldn’t help but grin in return.

“I needed this so much,” you said as you buried your face against his neck.

“I did too,” he said squeezing you tight, his voice still raspy with sleep.

“Thank you for being here. I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” he said leaning down to give you a quick kiss. “Wait, I didn’t give you your presents yet.”

“What presents?” You asked sitting up, as he reached over the side of the bed to grab his bag. "I don’t have anything for you!"

"It's nothing, just a couple things I made for you," he said pulling out a large flat envelope and handing it to you.

You carefully pulled out the drawing that was inside. "Oh it's beautiful!”

"It's us the night we watched the stars and talked for hours. That was the night I realized I was falling in love with you. I was so scared you wouldn't even like me like that," he laughed softly.

"It's perfect," you replied. "What's this? ‘Gee+(YN)=gross, a big sappy love mix’" you laughed at scribbled handwriting on the cover of the cd case. Around the words was a big heart and lots of little hearts.

"It’s a mix of songs that remind me of you, and me and you, but Frank decorated the cover. He doesn't really think we're gross, he's just-"

"Frank," you laugh.

"Exactly," Gerard replied. "I was just hoping this would help you get through the last days of your tour."

"It will," you smiled and threw your arms around him. “I think just having you here for a day was enough to get me through. And I know now that I shouldn’t just bottle up what I’m feeling.”

Gerard nodded. “We’re a team, you and me. Let me help you when you’re down and keep you safe from all the bastards and shit talkers.”

“Sounds like a plan,” you smiled as you leaned in and kissed him. “But only if you promise to let me help you do the same.”

“I promise.”

[palmett-hoes]

Do you have any Jewish Neil hcs? I have some but a lot of them conflict with each other and I can’t make up my mind which I like best but I love hearing other people’s because they’re always better anyway.

aww no no no i wanna hear them!! message me @hoob-gooblin if u wanna (it's my main nd where i can answer messages from) (no pressure tho if u dont wanna)

and don't worry my hc's for jewish neil and his family history and stuff are all over the place too and changing all the time. i just stick to the one central tenant that that boy is jewish no matter what

also, i'm not actually jewish. it's a long and complicated family story but suffice to say, my dad is, i never was, and i've got some... feelings about that

so i kinda project my feelings of alienation from judaism onto neil and also use him as an excuse/motivation to learn about judaism and jewish history bc also i fuckin love? ethnographic research?

so first off all. very fun to read aftg as an exodus narrative. neil as moses. exy as religion. (this is straight up ridiculous i swear). nathan and mary as pharaoh and pharaoh's wife that keep him in the dark of his 'truth.' his time as a runaway as the flight from egypt. tfc/most of trk as canaan (kinship and self-discovery). taunting riko, protecting the foxes, killing nathan, negotiating with the moriyamas as the plagues/miracles (not to mention that the basement has a lot of 'death of the first born' energy, prevented with lamb's blood (neil's sacrifice of his life for the foxes) and the intervention of an angel (stuart)). defeating the ravens as crossing the red sea.

oh and this mf?

ABSOLUTELY one of my neil refs

so yea besides all that insanity

the parts of reading neil as jewish that really make me emotional is his status as a runaway. moving from place to place. being chased away over and over again. never having a home. always looking over his shoulder. the entire jewish disapora for thousands of years have just been a play on that again and again, of having to flee from someone trying to kill you. reading jewish history is so sad. i mean, spain, russia, britain, germany, north africa, the middle east, ethiopia just to name some of the biggest ones. it's a story of constant migration and the way that mirrors neil's own journey speaks to me very much

BUUUUT some actual headcanons

nathan was much more dismissive of religion and actively discouraged his wife from practicing openly and would punish neil for bringing it up. at times he would even 'play christian' by decorating for christmas for show.

to me both nathan and mary were jewish (bc i have this complex about not heaping more ideological weight on either of neil's parents so i pretty much mirror any identity-based-hc's on them)

mary would attend synagogue sometimes but only the services, she never stayed around or made any connections. sometimes she'd bring neil and he'd LOVE it because he never got to go out anywhere, ever.

i like to think that mary was always multilingual with neil, and is of some maghrebi jewish descent so has been speaking to him in french and hebrew his whole life when she could. he's only fluent in languages he lived in daily but hebrew is his most personal language because it was the one that was just between him and his mother

he primarily knows emotion words in hebrew 'i'm tired.' 'i'm scared.' 'i'm hurt.' it's his secrets language, the only one that wasn't about blending in.

neil's version of 'abram' for mary was 'ima'

they stayed in a number of algerian jewish communities when they lived in france, and tended to seek out synagogues when they needed food, but couldn't afford establishing a pattern that could be used to predict where they might go

he leaves one rock on the place where he buried his mother

anywhoodle less sad hc's

psu has a jewish center on campus. neil attends occasionally.

he talks to renee sometimes, about god. he doesn't really know if he believes but sometimes he needs something to be angry at

after he tells the foxes he's jewish he never has to celebrate christmas again. it's a relief for a million reasons

nicky, a baptist born and raised, doesn't really 'get' it but gets really enthusiastically into trying to celebrate 'neil's holidays' until neil tells him to tone it down. they do go out and find a purim festival every year tho

he never officially joins a congregation but does eventually have a bar mitzvah

neil has no taste buds and will eat gefilte fish

'can i be buried in a jewish cemetery? i mean, i HAD a tattoo, but then it got burned off with a cigarette lighter...' 'jesus christ, neil' 'whomst?'

one night, when they both have too much rage that needs to be released, andrew and neil go to an empty lot and smash glasses and bottles together, stomping on the shards. they leave holding hands