#a game where i get to live in a world that critically calls into question the notion of a hero in the face of nationalism and modern advanc

[brbgensokyo]

the problem about writing a jrpg inspired thing is that i don't have easy access to thematically appropriate songs to name sessions after thereby building an extremely egotistical mixtape in the process

[rahuratna]

Nanami Kento: Relationship Headcanons (now a fic), Part 8

Contents: relationship, establishing feelings, angst, first arguments.

Warning: MDNI!! Content warnings will be given for the relevant chapters. But before that ... the angst.

Your assurances that you had enjoyed what had happened in your office sparked something new between the two of you. Every time Kento saw you, his fingers were seeking out yours. His hand was always on your waist or lower back, sometimes unconsciously. You were beginning to learn just how much he was a man of restraint, how he reigned in so many of his natural instincts on a daily basis. He seemed to be wearing the armour that the world demanded of him, but as time passed, that same emotional apparel was shed, bit by bit, when he was in your presence.

The concept was so foreign to him, that Kento seemed to be surprised by how he had no control over those aspects of his personality that you brought to the surface.

For instance, on the evening that you had your first argument with him.

He had returned from a mission, covered head to toe in the foulest combination of sludge and rancid water, his suit ruined beyond repair and various bruises already blooming on his skin.

It had been a solo mission and several higher grade spirits had been present. Although not badly injured, Kento was exhausted, sore and in a foul mood over the lack of detail in his prior briefing. Showered, dressed in a mismatched set of clothes borrowed from Gojo, purplish discoloration spreading up from his collar, he paced your office.

"Is it too much to ask that they simply confirm mission parameters? That they provide us with updated blueprints? That we get back-up in case of emergencies? Oh, don't get me wrong. I've always known how little our lives mean, how they spend us like cheap currency, but this... this is just shoddy and lax and poorly planned - "

You brewed him tea as he ranted, a certain heaviness, a razor edge that dug into some deep part of you, furrowing your brow as you glanced back at him. He was right, of course. The rarely seen higher-ups often used their sorcerers like pawns in chess games, sometimes losing sight of the value of human life from their rarefied strata.

You waited for the tea to reach just the right temperature, choosing your words carefully. In a pause in his speech, you asked the question you already knew the answer to.

"Do you really think it's a coincidence?"

He stopped, facing the far wall.

"Why do you mean?"

"Do you think I don't know what happened on Takuma's mission?"

Takuma Ino, a young sorcerer, going so far as to deny himself a grade one sorcerer class unless his recommendation came from Kento, had been the victim of similar incompetence just last week. Kento turned to you now, and his expression was carefully blank in a way that made you want to grab his shoulders and shake him.

"Ah. You know about that?"

"Of course I know. You called an intervention. You were angry, and you made them look incompetent. This is retaliation for that, Kento, however you look at it. They can't interfere to the extent where your life may be in danger, but look at what they did."

His body was now rigid, his mouth set in a tense, stubborn line.

"And what did you expect me to do? Sit back and let them get away with placing young sorcerers in danger?"

The teaspoon clattered into the saucer as you spun around to face him fully.

"What? Why would I ever question your need to do that?"

"Well, it certainly sounded like a criticism."

"That's because it was a criticism. But not of your intention, Kento. Are you being wilfully obtuse?"

"Then what did you expect me to do?"

"Handle it better. Are you telling me you don't know how their egos would have been affected? That's you didn't know how that could have backfired?"

"Am I now to be responsible for the failings of others? Am I suppose to pander to these ... these ..."

It was testament to his rage that he couldn't even come up with adequate words that would convey his disgust for these people. You closed your eyes and passed a hand over your brow.

"No. I don't expect you to do that. Never. But Kento, sometimes your temper does get the better of you. You do make rash decisions, especially if it's on matters that are ... very personal to you."

You knew, of course. Once he'd mentioned the name Haibara, you'd looked through the records. The crisp, clinical phrases on the yellowing pages of the autopsy report spoke volumes on what had been omitted.

The range of emotions that crossed his face surprised you, almost making you wish you could take the words back. But it had been the truth. He looked taken aback, the surprise chased shortly by anger, and then a flash of something deeply pained, a small twist of the knife.

"If that's how you feel, then - "

"Don't finish that sentence, Kento."

Your voice is quiet, firm, and he actually pauses.

"Because I haven't finished what I was going to say. Please listen. You took that decision, and I understand your anger. I understand it completely. But you did it with no sense of self-preservation whatsoever. Do you think I don't know how little you think of yourself when others are in danger?"

You took a steadying breath, willing your voice to remain even, to reign in the emotion that threatened to roughen the edges of what you had to say to him.

"You had every right to stand up for Takuma. But in future, if you want to do things like that, at your own expense, run it by me first. Because it seems like I'm the only one who has your best interests in mind. You certainly don't."

"My best interests? I - "

He seemed at a loss in terms of how to respond to this. His jaw worked in furious frustration, but then he stopped, strode to the door and flung it open, his heavy footsteps carrying him away from the office, away from you.

You released a breath you had been holding and clutched the edge of the table, a horrible vice closing around your throat. You had always hated confrontation, and this was no exception. But this time, you hadn't been able to help yourself. It was as if something tenacious, something steel-clad and oblivious to your fear had risen to the surface. You couldn't have let him go without hearing what you really thought, even if you wanted to.

And now, you were left to face the consequences. Sinking into your chair, you let your head drop wearily into your palms.

Is this what caring for someone meant? Was this the bereft ache that you were supposed to feel when he was angry, when he was hurt, when he was gone? How had you gone through your whole adult life and still found yourself so ill-equipped to deal with the feelings he left scattered around you? Feelings that you now gathered up and hoarded in a protective layer around yourself, clinging so desperately to the idea that what you said hadn't been wrong.

Had it?

Someone was approaching the office and you straightened hurriedly, taking a deep breath, attempting some form of composure before you had to face your professional demands.

Kento strode back in, as precipitously as he had left, this time closing the door behind him and locking it. You stared at him, dumbfounded, steeling yourself for what he had to say. He regarded you in silence, and you took him in, fully this time.

His eyes were slightly red-rimmed, raw looking. The ugly abrasions stood out more starkly against his skin. His hair was completely out of its usual style, falling softly around his cheeks. Those same cheeks that you had traced with such tenderness now seemed so shadowed, so gaunt. His plain grey work shirt, the spare he'd kept at the Tech, clashed with the black trackpants that Gojo had provided, lending his dignified bearing a distinct pathos. There was a tender, bruised quality to the set of his mouth, a vulnerability in his glance that you had never seen before.

You realised, then, that in his own way, he was letting you see it, all of it.

Wordlessly you held your arms out to him and he came forward, almost child-like in his direct approach. He got down on one knee and his head drooped slowly into your lap, a heavy sigh escaping him as your embrace enclosed his shoulders. You held him tightly against your chest, feeling the solidity and power in his frame, wondering how long it had been since anyone had leant him their strength.

Time passed, your time at work. You thought of your employers, sitting in comfort while this man fought with every silent breath for some semblance of justice, for something good in this world. You breathed in the warm scent of his scalp and held him tighter as shadows lengthened in the room. If your time and livelihood were also currency to them, then let it be spent like this.

He apologizes for his outburst, of course, and this time there is a wariness there, as if he is aware of just how much he has shown and cannot believe that you will actually accept it. He avoids coming to your office, stating that he distracted you from your work enough with the issues he brings and wanted to keep your meetings strictly outside of work, or in the break room, where your interaction would be one of forced professionalism.

If he had been any other kind of man, you might have found it frustrating. There was something else here, though, some subtle message (maybe one that even he was unaware of), an indication that something needed to be proven. You were determined to rise to the occasion.

And so, you made your plans.

You called him one evening, on a Thursday. You had not seen him at work. You decide to forgo messaging, because you missed his voice. He picked up almost immediately, speaking your name, his tone slightly surprised, but warm.

"Kento, I need to know something."

"Yes, dear?"

"Are you busy this Sunday?"

"No. I was going to ask you to spend the day with me."

"Well, I'm asking you now."

"To spend the day together?"

"Yes."

He pauses and a soft chuckle reaches your ear.

"Does it make a difference who asks?"

"Yes, it does. For this Sunday."

"And why is that?"

"Because I've made plans for us."

"You have?"

"Absolutely. You can't always be the one planning our dates."

"I see nothing wrong with that. But, pardon my curiosity, where are we going?"

"It's a surprise, Kento."

"Oh no."

"What do you mean 'oh no'?"

"Nothing at all."

"Explain."

"A slip of the tongue, my darling."

"A slip of the tongue, my foot."

"And a most delightful foot it is."

"Stop slithering your way out of things."

"I take offense to that word."

"Anyway, I'll give you a hint. Since I'm an exceptionally kind person."

"I'm eager to hear it."

You clear your throat.

"Dress for the outdoors."

"Are you sure about that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when you say that to me, I imagine tough trousers, hiking boots, a walking stick ... "

"Oh no. None of that."

"Ah. So you mean outdoors, but your kind of outdoors."

"My kind?"

"Lazing in the sunshine and eating grapes."

You let out an incredulous laugh.

"You're awfully cheeky today, aren't you?"

His voice immediately takes on a lower, smoky tone.

"Am I going to be punished for that?"

Oh no, you don't, sir.

"Yes. I'll punish you. With a large quantity of grapes."

There is a short silence.

"Hmm."

"Aren't you going to ask me what I'm going to do with those grapes?"

"Maybe I'll wait for Sunday, after all."

Sunday comes and you feel both excited and a sense of nervous anticipation. You've never planned a date to this extent before. You've hired a car from the Tech for the day, one of the company cars that are always available for employees. You're aware that you might just be abusing the privilege, but you've never used this particular perk before and you're feeling slightly rebellious.

You've picked the perfect spot for a picnic, in a private piece of land owned by an old family friend. You'd spent many childhood days there when times were better and your mother had still been with you. The land was now cared for by a third party, but you were one of the people who still had access, and you could imagine the place clearly in your mind's eye.

Food, of course, played an important role in this. You'd thought out the menu well in advance and purchased all the ingredients you'd needed the previous day. You were going to prepare his special sandwich, of course, along with a green salad with fresh corn and avocado, onigiri with various fillings, croquettes, marinaded artichokes with parmesan, some of those store-bought honey cakes, coffee jelly, along with a small tribute to your mother's simple favourite, sandwiches with mature cheddar, cucumber and the mint chutney she had taught you the recipe for. Champagne and bottled water would be carried carefully along in the hamper, along with glasses, cutlery and plates.

You'd made sure that you'd woken up early and prepared everything that needed to be made fresh. When it was time, you sent Kento a short message, telling him that you'd fetch him from outside his apartment, and headed there. It had been a while since you had driven, but the muscle memory was there, the steering fluid under your fingers, and you'd re-adjusted in no time. You felt somewhat proud, and confident that today would go off without a hitch.

Kento was waiting on the street corner, and the sight of him momentarily stole the breath from your lungs. The collar of his white shirt showed above a simple, plaid sweater, light colored jeans emphasizing his long legs, rugged brown shoes and his customary watch, glinting from beneath his sleeve, completing the ensemble. There was no sign of the dark glasses and his hair was not slicked back, lending him a relaxed and casual air. As you drew closer, you could see the remaining yellowish traces of bruising against the side of his neck.

His eyes travelled over to the car, and when he spotted you behind the wheel, they softened and creased at the corners, with a warmth that you still couldn't believe was directed at you. He climbed into the passenger seat and your fingers met his, naturally.

"Good morning, handsome."

He coughed and shifted in his seat, still not accustomed to your teasing, but heartfelt compliments.

"Good - well, hello."

His warm grasp was now trailing along your arm, belying the awkwardness of his words, and you laughed.

"Shall we?"

You shifted gear and set the car in motion. Soon, you were out of the city limits, the clear autumn air crisp and warm enough for you both to let down the windows at intervals, taking in the breeze. Kento's hair caught the morning sunlight, the shorter strands at the nape of his neck suddenly, tenderly visible. You want to run your fingers over them, but you knew you'd get a scolding for not paying attention to the road.

He spoke, not taking his eyes off the scenery.

"The other day. In your office."

"Kento. I told you that everything's fine between us."

"I know it is, but there's still something I want to say to you."

"Go ahead."

The effort with which he forms the next words tells you how difficult it is for him to express thoughts like this.

"When you ... held me, I felt ... different. Like something had changed in my life, so profoundly. I felt as if ... a heaviness I had been carrying for so long had lifted a little. When I went home that day, I ... I remembered my friend. I let myself think of him. Of happy times. I've never really been able to do that before."

You're smiling softly and his fingers are tracing the shape of your arm again.

"That's good, right?"

"I think so. For me, that is. But I need to know ... "

"You need to know if those same burdens are not being passed to me, correct?"

He looks at you, and from this angle, you can see something of the wonder in his gaze. You laugh.

"It's already pretty obvious when you're with Yuuji. All that darkness you want to keep away from him. From all the students. I know, Kento. I know the kind of world we live in. I know that you can't protect everyone forever. Those burdens are not yours to give, or take away. At some point, you have to trust that ... it is enough."

"That what is enough?"

Love. That's what you want to say to him. That love is enough to carry you through the worst of what the world has to offer. But you don't. This time and place isn't right. Instead, you turned your eyes briefly to the sun shining through the trees ahead.

"Today is a beautiful day, isn't it?"

"It is."

@tsukimefuku @g-kleran @actuallysaiyan @kentocalls

[kaija-rayne-author]

Review 8 in series of Dragon Age Veilguard

60 hours in 58 actual gameplay

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Part 7 is here.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard

Critical review CW strong language.

Well. If I'm right about who the Gloom Howler is, and I'm almost certain after the Cauldron... I really fucking question the reading comprehension of whoever wrote that arc.

She loathed doing what she was ordered to do to the griffins. She saved the last clutch of eggs, left secret clues on where to find the nest kept in stasis, and answered her calling early so no one could get the information out of her. All in the hope that future generations would be worthy of griffins again. And now she's doing the exact opposite? Seriously?

I mean, I'm aware that the supplementary material isn't something everyone is gonna read, but as far as I know the printed materials are considered canon. Which means they've taken a sad, epic story and completely reversed it in a retcon I'm not sure I can forgive them for.

I've marinated myself in the Lore of this world. That's an incredible disservice to her sacrifices to save the last remaining griffins. It's a disservice to the writer of Last Flight, too. That's not even touching on the 'of course when you shove a blade into the bones of a roughly 400 year dead arch demon... it will come out bloody?' Excuse me now? Someone has watched too much jurassic park, because that would be utterly impossible.

Once again, I'm asking myself What. The. Actual. Fuck. were the devs and writers thinking?

Surely they know at least some of us have read the printed stuff?

Did they think we'd have forgotten? Unfortunately for these retconning incompetents, (I am so, so sick of retconning in general, and fed the fuck up with it in this game) autistic and AuDHD folks like me tend to have razor keen memories about our special interests. Whoopsies.

Last Flight wasn't my fav of the books, but it was beautifully written and heartbreaking with a gleaming golden string of hope.

And this is the end of that story? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

I can honestly think of only one way they could make that make sense. And my trust in Bioware writers now lives below sewer level, so I'm not hopeful they'll go that way.

It's possible that I'm wrong, but understanding and critiquing media is my actual job when I'm not recovering from a pulmonary embolism. And yes, absolutely, I could've written far, far better material.

How. Can someone please tell me HOW a company that has something as successful as DAI under their belt... makes... this? I swear this game (DAV) is like some of the worst AI written shite I saw in ESO back when I played that years ago.

I guess I should say machine written. Whatever. I've heard ESO was doing that a long while ago. And the blah storylines and boring assed questlines proved it.

This game reminds me of that. Though, I think they were probably written by actual humans... I really have to question where exactly they scraped up the writers for them.

The street? A back alley? A mud pit? Did they give apes access to a keyboard and use whatever claptrap they came up with? (Yes. They did. Humans are apes.)

It's common enough in Hollyweird that writers working on a particular IP (intellectual property... IE Dragon Age or Witcher etc.) often utterly loathe the source material. I fail to understand why or how that would be okay, because we can fucking tell, you know? You can tell when a writer loves their work, and when they don't. And we wonder why so many things in hollyweird fail.

Is that what happened to DAV?

They had a fucking blueprint for fuck's sake! DAI was RIGHT THERE. It won GOTY if I recall correctly. No one wanted a game exactly like DAI but dear fucking gods something... not this... would've been far preferable. If they'd used DAI as a sort of map? A guideline or outline? DAV might’ve been a good game. And the sad part is that it actually could have been. With just a little more care, less streamlining to mediocrity, better editing and writing? This could've been another win for Bioware. As is, if it wins anything I'll be suspicious of bribery.

It's just so... meh. Where it's not outright bad.

And even though I'm under media blackout so I can write a truly unbiased review... it wouldn't surprise me if some fans were going gaga over this travesty of a game. Just because it has Dragon Age in the title.

It sucks when you want desperately to love something. But you just can't because you can see the flaws. And the flaws far, far outweigh the good parts.

And none of those good parts are even unique. They're just lifted from other games.

And I got the load up with no CC glitch again. Lost about an hour of playtime figuring out when it happened and which save to reload. I'd really hoped the damned hour long update would've taken care of that.

What a sad mess this game is.

Though on the positive, I do love the new takedown mechanic. And it's oddly satisfying to clear blight. I like tracking things. IRL too. I grew up in a subsistence hunting family. Though, I always just used a camera. I know how to track stuff, so that's fun. I like the ballista and zip lines. There are good parts of the game... but they aren't the parts that really matter.

I had to turn Taash down for Romance because it happened way too fast. I barely felt like I knew them, and my demi ass needs more than what we got before committing to a relationship.

It's warming up with Lucanis, Emmrich, and Davrin. I'm not decided yet. And this is where a polyam mod would be great. There's no reason polyam shouldn't have been included in the game. It could've been just a few characters okay with it like BG3, but the rep and possibilities would at least be there.

I'm incredibly fed the fuck up with the narrative that turns Solas into an awful person. They're trying so fucking hard to paint him that way. They're hammering it home so hard I really can't recommend (at this point) that Sollavellans play it. It's possible that will change, but... sigh. They've even got my Rook saying negative shit about him. Shouldn't that be a choice that I get to make about my Rook? How they feel about Solas?

And if I could kick the incredibly unintelligent and massively fucking annoying Lace Harding off a cliff, I absolutely would. Hard. And laugh while I did it.

Everyone blames Solas. Why is everyone so far up Mythal's asshole that they're forgetting it was always her requiring her bound servant IE enslaved spirit who never even wanted a body (forgetting that part?) Solas to do what she said. That he tried over and over again to dissuade her?

You know, as a friend said, they could've hired a bunch of Ao3 fic writers and paid them in pizza or waffles and come out with better story lines than this.

Oh, but no, it's all Solas's fault. And the narrative is so fucking heavy handed on that that it's honestly nauseating me a little.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Section 9 here.

[dutchdread]

Hey Dutch I wonder why I keep seeing some fans say cloud kiss to tifa was hollow ? I guess u call them cleriths or something I knew to all this and just learn about a ship war? Do you believe hollow since he not himself and would the real clown ever try to kiss a girl

Honestly, it's just them coping. Sorry if that's a boring answer, but that's really all it is and I can't paint it in a better light than that, every Clerith response you've seen to the kiss....is the definition of coping. You have to remember some people have been believing that FFVII is the tragic love story of Aerith and Cloud, and that Tifa is "just a friend", for 27 years now. The proper application of critical thought is to look at the evidence and see to which conclusion it leads. These people have started with the conclusion, and then have to force fit the evidence to lead to the place they want it to. Problem is, the more evidence comes out, the harder it is to get it all to fit, so they have to twist and bash it into place. Which is why you get some very bad takes from one side of this argument. Why is Tifa always denigrated? Because Tifa represents an existential crisis to the Clerith world view in a way that Aerith doesn't for Clotis. Same thing with Zack. The reason Cleriths call the kiss Hollow, or say it's optional, or whatever their next plan of attack is, is simply this.

SE decided to give Cloud and Tifa a kiss, and for Clerith to happen, Cloud can't have genuine feelings for Tifa, since she's the one who'll be living with him. So the kiss will have to be twisted and undermined.

But the thing is of course, that no amount of ad hoc rationalization can change the fact that SE CHOSE to give Tifa and Cloud a kiss. It wasn't "braindamaged and confused Cloud" that chose to kiss Tifa, it were the developers. And the question they really have to ask is "why?". Would SE choose to have Cloud kissing Tifa? To illustrate how heartbroken he is over Aerith having feelings for Zack? Are Cleriths really that deluded about how SE would treat its characters? (yes they are, they are that deluded, but they shouldn't be). Or did they decide to show Cloud kissing Tifa because....there is an obvious growing romance between Cloud and Tifa? SE COULD have chosen to give a kiss to Aerith....but they didn't...instead they first gave Aerith and Cloud a scene where Aerith asks him to indulge her fantasies, and then one where Aerith is unsuccessfully trying to recreate her time with another man, and finally a scene of her confirming that while she likes Cloud, there is "like, and like like". Tifa in contrast confirmed that she specifically "like liked" Cloud SEVEN years before the game even started. Aerith at best was still trying to figure that out when she was dying. And at worst (and more realistically) discovered in death that "No, it wasn't like like", which the mere fact that she even had to ask, kinda already betrays what the answer is.

[thehopelessexception]

how can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22 (almost 24)

warning: im writing this while im on my period and eating ice cream.

i've been dissociating for what now? half a year maybe more. i dont recognize reality. i feel im floating in this sea we call society and i've been feeling the wilson of the story here. i assume everything that's happening around me is real, ofc. but that doesnt make it any less a convenient arrangement i build for myself to try to act like a real person and not freak out. i am feeling out of reality. like the part of the game where you let the sim on auto-mode. i am the sim on auto-mode. and i don't know how to stop this stage of oblivion.

to make a vague introduction, the thing with me is that im a living paradox of a full time contradiction. i am flamboyant but i hate being perceived. i like to speak up for myself but i hate people thinking about me because of it. i have my own process of how i understand things. i trust logic and i question everything. im quite skeptical over things when there's no empirical evidence. i seek for knowledge. critical thinking, data analysis and the whole stuff. i know myself. i sometimes look like i am too obnoxious, frivolous, morally corrupted (people have told me that), when i obsess over something —because i sometimes treat people like they are stupid (not my intention really)—; but probably the only thing im completely sure of is myself. i tend to be a confident person, to have an ego, to not let the guard down, to calculate every single move. and lately i am noticing myself being impulsive, insecure, nervous, weird, saying stupid shit, nonsenses, feeling small. and i don't know how to make it stop. the thing is i put my whole self-esteem backed up by my intelligence, however im not sure of anything anymore. i don't know if the reason behind not recognising myself lately is the fact i have somehow a new crush —or a new hyperfixation for that matter— or just the natural act of growing, also known as the quarter life crisis.

i have this thing where i hyperfix on random stuff, i've been like this my whole life. one of my friends even made a powerpoint of all the things i've been obsessed with over the years. and the issue here is that this things never last that much, or maybe they do? i actually never though about it. the most random ones i remember are probably me buying ice-cream cakes of this specific brand every week for two months. i also got obsessed with eating too many scrambled eggs all day every day for a very long time. then it was that turkish telenovela on an airing channel. then ofc succession, and it grew into watching every single movie kieran culkin was part of. the world cup. mbti —im intj by the way—. red white and royal blue (i watched it five times in a day), then nicholas galitzine —did yk he has a lineage that comes all the way from the romanovs?— and his entire filmography. and also politics, i got way into politics; election campaigns, follow up candidates, history, economy, the law, etc (my candidate lost tho) (we're succumbing to disgrace) (like literally we collectively, as a country, haven't had any kind of good news since then) (please help me). and etc etc. but the thing is, i also hyperfix on random people, or not so random i guess. it doesnt happen very often tho, im quite picky, but the procedure is this: i meet someone, they draw somehow my attention, i want to know everything about this person, i talk to this person a lot (medium to long term) (week to months), and then this person becomes my friend or i get bored and completely ignore them for the rest of my life and move on.

but this time is different, or im feeling it different. i find myself questioning everything i know and i was convinced of. i dont know if it has something to do with the fact that i met someone, probably the first person wise enough to make me question if i was ever correct about anything. maybe i am hyperfixating on this person, idealizing them. but it's truly amazing how much more data this person has about everything i know of. and right now i feel way too insecure, because even if this person told me they find me smart and they enjoy talking to me, i am always thinking that if i say something not completely fact-checked they'll think im stupid. it's absurd. it's a boohoo situation, i know. and it's a process im having about who am i, or what am i supposed to be. some months ago the whole context around my life changed or i think it changed? i dont know how to explain it, —i mean i know how but i would have to talk about other things not related to this (politics stuff, things happening in my country, etc). i'll probably will make a new post about it someday—. but the whole issue is, i dont know myself anymore. and everything is crumbling.

im afraid the person i build for myself it's a fraud. or doesnt exist anymore.

i remember myself at 18, and i was this marvellous whole person. independent, smart, focused, driven. that girl spent their whole days outside her house. did everything she wanted to. wasnt scared of anything. and i look at myself now and think how? the pandemic has a lot to do with it i guess, but when i first heard taylor saying that in nothing new i thought "that wont happen to me". guess what, i was wrong.

for my fellow girlies being 23 —in my experience— is exactly how they say it will be. the worst age of your life.

next month is my birthday and im pushing 24. and i have to say my life is a mess. but i dont know if i can call it a mess because it is truly a mess or because i am a complete drama queen. because people probably have worse problems than mine, and i am what you call a white girl, only poorer —and a third world country citizen—. the issue is, i am almost 24, almost 25. almost 27. ALMOST 30. and i did nothing with my life. absolutely nothing. my mom had me at 29 for god's sake.

and by nothing i mean everything i do is not enough to feel it worthy of a life well-lived. should i look for a job and work while studying just to say i am extremely occupied because i have somehow a life? just to feel something? even if that makes my stress situation and anxiety even worse? should i somehow save enough money so i can move from my parents house? even if for my whole generation it's close to impossible? is studying something i (kinda) like enough to not feel like shit about myself? i've never had a boyfriend, nor girlfriend. shoud i look for one? get myself one? even if i dont think any of that would make me happy? i dont think i know happiness as a state of mind, nor the concept of it.

i dont feel like i have many anecdotes to tell in my future. should i measure the life-worth by anecdotes? my friends feel the same way i do, but they have a more organized life. jobs, boyfriends, careers, plans for the future, one of my closest friends move to the other side of the world with her boyfriend (!) in the blink of an eye. but they aren't much happy nor they have many anecdotes either. and i dont have the money or the guts or the available friends to create any.

every day i understand fleabag a bit more.

my favourite anecdotes about my life are from when i was about 13 and 15 years, also known as the worst time of my life. i didnt appreciated it back then, probably none of us did. but when we were teens everything was possible and we didnt have a care on anything other than mundane stuff or rebellious stuff but nothing more than yelling at people, drinking and smoking weird shit (i never had weed tho). not a real responsibility. being careless, free, avoiding consequences that mattered. i think that girl hates me right now. and i am not sure if that's the feeling i should have or if it's just utterly pathetic.

[raxistaicho]

I really can't see how people keep calling Edelgard the villain of Three Houses. Her methods may be questionable (but really, whose methods aren't in this game?) but her ideals and reasons for starting the war are sound. She wants reform. She wants positive change. She wants people to suffer less. She wants to remove the powers that result in things crest eugenics and extreme wealth gaps and various forms of abuse and human rights violations. She wants a better world for the people of their continent. And while those things may come sometime in the future through slower "peaceful" reforms, not everyone in Fódlan can wait that long, or will even live to see it. Especially with the added issue of those who slither in the dark being part of the equation. Also, looking at the lyrics for "Edge of Dawn", canonically Edelgard's song and the main theme of the entire game, how can anyone look at her and go "oh, yeah, that's an irredeemable war hungry villain".

Edelgard is a character who saw the issues plaguing the people, heard those in power say "it is what it is, and peaceful change takes time" and decided the risk of starting a war for change was worth it.

A lot of her motivations and methods honestly remind me of Lelouch from Code Geass, and people consider him one of the greatest heroes and tacticians in all of anime.

Why can't people see Edelgard is cut from the same cloth?

Edelgard detractors tend to fall into two camps, one of which I understand (though still disagree with), while the other are the kind of people I interact with here.

First you have the reasonable Edelgard detractor who acknowledge her positive motives but disagree with her methods. I understand where they're coming from (war sucks after all, not even CF pretends different) but I also disagree with them that life in Fodlan could have been fixed by just having the three lords and Rhea sit at a table and talk things out. Systemic issues that have lingered, and if anything worsened, for a millennium don't get fixed by just having the "right" leaders come into power and fix them.

Then the Tumblrite Edelgard criticals are just the type who think she's a vicious Nabatean-hating racist who want to reclaim the old Adrestian territories. For them there's just very little middle ground since they aren't even coming at it from a baseline accurate read of her character. It'd be like trying to argue with someone who thinks Dimitri was having a blast slaughtering Imperial troops in boar mode...

And yeah, there's a whole video comparing her to Lelouch, it's really good stuff!

Link here for anyone who wants to see it!

[melishade]

Number 11?

This ask game

Gabi's perspective for when she and Wheeljack are found in chapter 93.

Gabi felt tears streaming down her face as she cried out in the desperation. No one was going to come! It was over! Even so, she screamed out.

“HELP US!” Gabi cried out, "HELP US, PLEASE! SOMEONE HELP US!"

Gabi's cries echoed throughout the area. She hoped, prayed for salvation, but nothing happened. Gabi’s face contorted into one of agony as she crumbled to the ground in anguish. She was completely helpless. She was all alone and powerless. The world was being destroyed and there was nothing she could do. Megatron was right. She was arrogant and selfish. If only she hadn’t stormed the ship, if only she didn’t harbor this hatred in her heart, this wouldn’t be happening right.

Gabi was alerted to the sensation of wind blowing in her face, getting stronger with each second. She looked up and gasped at the sight of a massive ship in the air, much larger than Wheeljack’s ship. It landed on the ground in front of her and the unconscious Wrecker. Gabi froze in fear when the bottom of the ship opened up and she was face to face with three colorful titans. One was massive and blue. The other was round and green. The third was yellow and looked athletic.

The green one’s gaze immediately fell to Wheeljack and Gabi could see the panic in his eyes. “Jackie!” Gabi yelped when the green one bolted to Wheeljack’s unconscious body, trying to check him over.

“Don’t-! Don’t touch him!” Gabi cried out as the blue titan ran towards the green one.

“Hey, it’s okay, we’re here to help,” Gabi gasped at the sound of another voice behind her. She turned her attention to see a human in a black military uniform, kneeling down to her eye level.

“You okay? What’s your name? How did you find Wheeljack?” He had asked her.

Gabi’s confusion was immediately replaced with tears and she let out a cry of relief and sadness, startling everyone there.

“Wow she has pipes!” A girl in the same military uniform had covered her ears.

“I tried!” Gabi sobbed, “I-I tried! But I could do anything! I couldn’t save Wheeljack and I called Optimus like he told me but he didn’t answer! Why didn’t he answer?! He promised me!”

Gabi continued to sob into her hands while the Autobots stared at each other in shock. Another human on this planet had encountered Optimus? A living Optimus?!

“Hey, listen, you wouldn’t happen to know where he is right now?” The man demanded.

“No!” Gabi answered, “He told me to watch Wheeljack and went south! But I don’t know where he is! I don’t know if he’s dead! Did the Colossal Titans kill him?!”

The blue titan immediately hauled Wheeljack’s whole body over his shoulders like a sack of flour. “I need a space bridge to my location! Wheeljack has been critically injured!”

“How much energon did he lose?!” The yellow one asked.

“He left a trail!” The green one gasped in horror at the blue trail behind them.

“W-wait! What about the Rumbling?!” Gabi begged, clinging to the man’s shirt, “What about me?! Don’t leave me alone! I don’t want to be alone!”

The man had placed a hand on her shoulder. “We won’t leave you alone. We’re going to take care of you and make sure you’re safe.”

“Jack, I don’t think taking a human child with us is the best idea,” the yellow one proclaimed.

“Worst case scenario, we drop her off at Earth.” Jack helped Gabi to her feet, “You’re gonna be okay. I promise.”

Gabi continued to sob, feeling at least some form of relief. At least her call wasn’t in vain.

(I know I don’t reference majority of them by name, but this is from Gabi’s perspective. She doesn’t know who they are. And I was originally going to save this for the new anthology, but I figured I’d write this scene from the Autobot perspective instead. Anyway, the rest of the questions on that list are free game.)

[pilferingapples]

   ah that bit in every Romanticist bio where we gotta get the who's who as the author sees it (all this is from the Fourth Musketeer)

At the Café de Paris, on the boulevard, Alexander breathed the air of the great world. There the celebrities of journalism, literature, and dandyism met.

...this gets long

That man with the warlike hat and blinking eyes' is Nestor Roqueplan who has now left his garret, his washbasin-clock and his pistols-candelabra for the comfortable offices of the Figaro.

OK was this before/after/during its time as an anti-Romanticist paper??

Next him is Jules Janin, who looks comfortably rotund but thinks only of snapping at his neighbor, and who will later fight a duel with Dumas about a wretched question of dramatic criticism.

JULES JANIN DUELED ALEX DUMAS?? ...JULES JANIN DUELES ALEX DUMAS AND LIVED?!?

That fellow by way of being a gentleman, dressed with the correctness of an English lord in a blue coat with gold buttons, a yellow waistcoat, and pearl-gray trousers, is the husband of Marie Dorval, Merle, one of the legitimist party, an epicure and an authority on gastronomy.

..wait, isn't that outfit a Werther cosplay? Am I getting the colors wrong?

. . Over at the long table, orating in a high voice, with his face awkwardly swathed in an enormous neckcloth to hide certain unpleasant scars, is Veron, nicknamed the Prince of Wales, actually the manager of the Revue de Paris, who pays Dumas royally, at least for the time being. With his high color, his greedy lips that look as if they were smeared with jam, and his gluttonous eyes, he seems at once an abbot of former times and a comedy valet.

This guy is way more important than you'd guess by how little he shows up in histories! Also he got his start in patent medicine, which is really jumping out at me post-Blue Castle read!

     That tall, thin, dark man, with hair cut brush-shaped and a prominent nose, wearing a velvet caftan and a cap lined with martin fur, is Adolphe de Leuven, librettist of the Postillon de Lonjumeau, who launched Alexander. By his side, flaunting a magnificent kidskin waistcoat and whirling his rhinoceros cane, is handsome Roger de Beauvoir, with a mop of curly black hair, the only one of Alexander's friends who is an aristocrat of wealth-Beauvoir who entertains six hundred people at the Hôtel de Pimodan, and who has just challenged Balzac for accusing him of being named neither Roger nor Beauvoir. Although Balzac took the trouble to send him "forty pages of excuses," the dandy will listen to nothing and proclaims: "I scorn M. de Balzac's prose, I want only his skin!"

holy shit Balzac you messed up??

     Here is Eugène Sue, very smart in his sea-green coat, with a rather vulgar turn of the nose that detracts from his good looks. Last, simpler and jollier than the rest, is that good fellow Méry who passes for a librarian at Marseilles, but who is always off on a lark to Paris; an amazing improviser who can compose correctly an act of a classical tragedy within two hours, and in the drawing-rooms describe the tortures of hell so vividly that the ladies beg for mercy.

Fun new party game: Describe the tortures of hell!

     Near these gentlemen, but on a lower plane, the madmen appear. "He who was Gannot" and has made himself God under the name Mapah, is a fop and a billiard player now fallen on evil days who sends out manifestos signed "By Our Apostolic Ruin."

The Mahpah is one of the wildest ...visionaries? religious ...somethings? movement leaders? of the time, love seeing him get mentioned (Wiki) (Nonbinary wiki)

Jean Journet, called the Apostle, goes about dressed as a begging friar and sells his verses unfailingly entitled "Songs" or "Cries."

...I have no idea who this is . Sounds like he's coping with poverty very artistishly.

Poor Petrus Borel imagines himself to be a wolf; at his house Alexander has eaten cream from a skull. . . .

excuse you he never said he was a wolf he said he was a werewolf and no one actually disagreed also man,you serve ice cream in skulls ONE time...

         ...you might see (Dumas) in the rue Grange-Batelière, in the salon of the dancer Marie Taglioni, "the sylph of sylphs," or at Delphine de Girardin's on the days when she recited her poems. But Alexander always grew sentimental near "the Muse" and asked her to receive him in private. "I love you," he said, "with an affection too selfish to share you with the world." Then, when they were alone together, she would interrupt him with questions about dramatic art. "Do tell me how one writes for the theater?" Dumas laughed at what he called "the naïveté of genius."      He was attractive to women, there was no doubt of that, even to the most distrustful of them. When Sainte-Beuve, who was fond of playing the rôle of intermediary, proposed to introduce Alfred de Musset to George Sand, she answered: "I don't want you to bring Alfred de Musset. He's too much of a dandy, we should never get along together. . . . Instead of him, do bring Alexander Dumas, in whose art I have found a soul, exclusive of his talent." Alexander came and Sand took a great liking to him.

Wow, imagine if George Sand had ever hung out with Musset What a disaster that would have been huh in that alternate world ><

[cosmiccannibalcamille]

How Anaretic Pluto Impacts YOU

What: Pluto Rx in the 29th degree of Capricorn

When: Sept. 1 - Nov. 19, 2024

Who’s Impacted: EVERYONE, but esp. cardinal sign (Capricorn, Cancer, Libra, Aries) placements at 29°

Takeaway: The planet that tears things down and build them back up is re-pulverizing the part of YOUR chart ruled by Capricorn for the last time in our lifetime, so nbd, right?

     On Sept. 1, 2024, the big, bad planet of power, Pluto, began retrograding through the anaretic degree (a.k.a. the 29th degree) of Capricorn. If you’re thinking, “Oh great, what fresh hell is this?” I hear you. But before you spiral into existential dread like I did during all of August (thanks, Mercury Retrograde), let’s break down what this transit is really about—and how YOU can best work with it. First, a refresher on the anaretic degree in astrology. 

The Anaretic Degree in Astrology

     I wrote about this degree at great length in my Anaretic Neptune article, buuuut… In astrology, the 29th degree of any sign is like the final boss battle in a video game. It’s the degree of ultimate karma, where all the lessons of that sign come to a head. The term anaretic is derived from the Greek word anareta, meaning “destroyer” or “bringer of necessity.” As a practitioner of both modern and traditional astrology, I consider the anaretic degree as one that is a harbinger of challenging circumstances, which can indicate a sense of urgency or crisis that demands resolution, that also makes way for pivotal moments of growth.

     Sounds confusing, but it really isn’t. When a planet occupies the anaretic degree in a birth chart or during a transit, it can amplify the sense of urgency associated with that planet’s energy. It’s neither good nor bad, but it can feel rather ~karmic~. That is, you feel like you keep repeating the same lessons again and again until finally…YOU LEARN. You master. You stop the cycle.

     At least, that’s my takeaway of the anaretic degree. It is a degree that holds a unique significance, often regarded as a critical point of transition and culmination. This degree—the 29th degree—has always been a degree of interest to me, as I have my Venus in the degree; I’ve always attributed a lot of my relationship / self-love / family troubles, lessons, and struggles to this degree. But I’ve also realized over the years just how critical this degree is in the good parts of my personality: my drive, urgency, and tenacity to DO SOMETHING. 

Key Themes of Pluto in 29° Capricorn

     When a planet like Pluto—a.k.a. the cosmic wrecking ball of transformation, death, rebirth, and all things underworld—hits this degree, you better believe it’s pulling out all the stops. Since Pluto is retrograde, you’re getting a second (or third, or fourth) chance to deal with the baggage you’ve been lugging around since Pluto first entered Capricorn in 2008. Speaking of which… Think back to 2008: What were you doing? Where were you in your life? What was going on? In the world, we had the GFC—or, global financial crisis—the most devastating financial crisis since the Great Depression.  

     Slowly but surely, this transit has been dismantling outdated structures, both in our personal lives and out in the world. We’ve seen it in the collapse of big institutions (again, I cite 2008), the rise of new power players, and the endless debates over capitalism, authority, and control. When Pluto first entered Capricorn, the financial world got real intense, real fast. The focus? Power dynamics in money—who had it, who wanted it, and who lost it. It was all about examining the deep foundations of our financial systems and questioning the status quo. As Pluto prepares to take its last curtsy in Capricorn in our lifetime, nestling into 29°, these other Pluto in Capricorn themes are coming to a head:

     The patriarchal structures that have ruled for centuries are up (and have been up) for review. We are still questioning where authority comes from and whether it’s still relevant—or if it’s just another relic of a bygone era. The old guard is clinging to power, but cracks are starting to appear in their seemingly impenetrable walls. On a personal level, this brief transit might push you to reassess your career and business goals. Are you building something lasting, or are you just playing by the rules because that’s what you’ve been taught? Pluto’s retrograde energy can veer towards ruthless—use it to get real with yourself about your ambitions and whether they’re aligned with your true inner power.

Related Reading Work with Anaretic Pluto in Capricorn with my 2024 Birth Chart Reading. Learn how to work with the remaining transits of 2024—along with Pluto in the 29th degree—to foster transformative personal growth.

The Opportunities & Struggles of Anaretic Pluto 

     Despite the heavy vibes, retrograde Pluto at the anaretic degree offers some pretty powerful opportunities. For one, this transit might manifest as an invitation to take back your power. Whether it’s in your career, finances, or personal life, reassess where you’ve been giving away your control. Use this period to set stronger boundaries, get disciplined about your goals, and start building the structures that will support your long-term success.

     Pluto’s retrograde can also help you confront and transform your scarcity mindset. If you’ve been operating from a place of lack—whether that’s in terms of money, love, or self-worth—this is your chance to dig deep and root out those limiting beliefs. Scarcity is just fear in a fancy outfit. Strip it down to its core, and you’ll find the strength to create abundance from within.

     That said, power struggles might come to a head during this final leg of Pluto in Capricorn. Whether it’s at work, in your relationships, or on a larger societal scale (*AHEM* politics), expect power dynamics to be front and center. Pluto at 29° Capricorn might push you to confront those who hold power over you—or to face the ways in which you’ve been misusing your own power. Pluto’s energy is all about transformation, but that doesn’t mean we’re always ready for it. The anaretic degree can stir up a lot of fear around change, especially when it comes to letting go of old structures and ways of being. Remember, though—fear is just a sign that you’re on the brink of something big.

Get YOUR Horoscope for this final leg of Retrograde Pluto in Capricorn on The Cosmic Almanac:

[foxofsunholt]

May I ask to how exactly our brother treated us? Was it just general neglect or much worse? What was he like as we knew him?

Some of it is a little more implied than overt—overtly, your sibling (can be a man or a woman or nb) insulted you at most turns and was open with their dislike of you. It ranges from berating to criticizing to passive agressive silent treatment. BUT, that was when they were also a child—which begs the question, where were they learning how to do that?

I got in my thoughts about this so under the cut as to not clog dashes!

When they got older, they stopped with the remarks and remained cold, aloof and controlling. They wanted you to listen to them and got angry when you didn’t; though not as vicious now at all. Trying to coral your younger sibling when you’re a traumatized child yourself is a hard thing to deal with. If anything though, your sibling did not neglect you at all. They always got you food and prioritized your shelter and well-being. It just happened while they were calling you an idiot or refusing to give you any shred of familial affection, especially after the loss of your mother, who was always kind and gentle with you.

Your sibling is certainly in the wrong for treating you the way that they did: insulting you, getting upset if you didn’t listen to them, trying to do what they want and what they thing is best and doubting and deeming you if you didn’t, refusing you any kind of emotional care. They have their reasons, but there is no excuse. They were incapable of being a caretaker, they didn’t have the emotional tools for it, but they were forced into the role and did only what they knew how to do. The older they got, the “kinder” they became—the more you two just stopped trying to talk to each other and they stopped being openly insulting towards your choices. By the end of your 12 year journey together, you two had reached a strained understanding of each other and mostly how to avoid pissing off the other person and left it at that.

OKAY SO I think an easy way--or at least how I think of this in my head--is through a series of questions. How would a child who has gone through trauma, been raised with anger, treat their sibling who they feel has lived a better life than them? If you are a child, and you are forced to raise another child, how do you feel? Your sibling has grown resentful of you--they didn't want you. They don't want you. Yet, they understand that they have to take care of you. And you, a young child, are needy and demanding--you are a child who just lost the two most important people in your life, what else are you going to be? It's two children who have been abandoned by the world, how are they going to treat each other? Neither of them have the tools to be mature. Neither of them should be. You and your sibling were never given the opportunity to grow.

This is in part inspired by my own relationship with my older brother, and my experiences as a younger sibling. If any of you know the feeling of being raised by another sibling, then perhaps you understand more of what I mean when I say "controlling". It's the very distinct feeling of someone else, someone who is not wholly mature, trying to raise you and make you act in the ways that they were forced to act. Your sibling thought you were annoying, yeah. You are ~6 years younger than them (the age gap might change but for now it is 6 years) and they do not possess the maturity or patience for someone your age. They don't want to be doing this.

The way they have treated you is in line with someone who did not ask to be saddled with your care--at least, that's how they see it.

This is all I can say now. You’ll see a lot more of them in game and learn and form your own opinion of them. In some cases, they do apologize for the way that they treated you; you don’t have to accept that apology. In some cases, you might learn what their childhood was like from their eyes.

[the-scattered-kingdoms]

INTRODUCTORY POST:

I don’t expect this blog to get much attention, but tumblr is a quick and simple format that I know I can use to archive this campaign. To begin, hello. If you’re following me thanks so much. I only hope what you see here is interesting and inspires you to make your own materials for D&D 5e. If you have a good grasp on the rules, I recommend giving homebrew a try, even if it’s just a fun item or a busted feat. 5e is very good for custom content, and when it comes to our imaginations, the sky’s the limit.

So, about this campaign. I was driving with my wife and a friend when my friend mentioned how cool it would be if we were all bugs. I agreed and added “oh that would be a funny D&D setting—what if you were a party of bugs?” and we all got a good laugh, and I have basically not stopped thinking about it for two months.

I did things the classic way: I started with a map, decided who lived where, what happened recently to establish The Way Things Are, and what kind of bugs will be the ones to change things up. Then, I leaned into the hyper fixation, creating a potent blend of custom races, somewhat game-breaking items, and definitely game-breaking feats. I gathered 4 of my favorite people together to answer the question “What can I do to make it look like you’re going crazy up there like a little bug?” The players were limited to North American insects, and chose a Beetle, a Mantis, a Bee, and a Cricket. Details on classes and backgrounds will arrive after Session 0.

And that’s how we got Minisculia! It’s a smattering of bug city-states and kingdoms, located entirely within the backyard of an abandoned house, somewhere in American suburbia. 10 years ago (basically like 500 years ago in Bug Years) the Golden Alliance of the Hive defeated the foul Apocritan Wasps in a devastating conflict called the Last War. Now, as a result of the Treaty of Convergence, the two powers keep to their territories and common folk enjoy a tenuous peace. But not all is well. Reports of Red Ant raids in Black Ant territory terrify the peasantry, and have the guards clamoring for action. The Good Queen Bezeera has decreed any adventurers who solve the problem shall earn their weight in Pollen (our stand-in for gold), as well as lands and noble titles. Investigating the crisis will be the party’s unifying goal.

To keep the game itself simple, I ruled that for classes, backgrounds, spells, and equipment we’ll be using the 2014 Player’s Handbook and nothing else. I’d describe the plot as a delicate mixture of a Bug’s Life and Game of Thrones—several factions are vying for power, and most of them are loose collectives of different cultures or military arms of small kingdoms. All of them are bugs, however, and all of them cling to what little power they’ve scratched out for themselves in a big, dangerous world. Will the party join in that unending political game, or will they bring change to the Scattered Kingdoms once more? Time will tell!

Also I’ll be posting bad art and usable 5e content here. Playtest it, tweak it, criticize it for being too strong, ignore it, do whatever you like. But I’ve made too much NOT to share, you know? Like I said up top, I hope you at least find what I post here interesting. I’m excited to play D&D with my friends more than anything.

Talk to you soon!

Spamdini

[n4stasia]

Xenoblade Chronicles 2

So I do have a bit of a disadvantage here. If there is anything more boring than playing an RPG video game, it is certainly watching somebody else play it. To each their own, but RPG is one of the few genres I absolutely dislike, although I know it may be an unpopular opinion considering the worldwide popularity. I just wanted to share my difficulty following the plot having zero previous knowledge about it. I also had to spend some time watching youtube video reviews to get a better understanding. But enough of a slight side tangent! I absolutely loved some of the aspects of Xenoblade Chronicles 2 and the connection to our theme of pop ecocriticism, so let me share that with you.

xeno-eco-criticism

Xenoblade Chronicles 2 involves in ecocriticism through some majestic cutscenes and story itself. The game's world is a living entity where titans serve as both homes and gods, emphasizing the deep bond between life and nature. Characters like Rex and Pyra explore themes of resource exploitation and ecological harmony. The damage caused by greed contrasts with the protagonists' quest for balance, mirroring real-world environmental issues on our planet Earth. The breathtaking landscapes and ecosystems in the cutscenes highlight the urgent need for sustainable living and respecting our planet.

humans + nature = ♡︎

Connecting this to the quite controversial text we were assigned , "The Drama of the Anthropocene," the anime game really nails the idea that humans and nature are intertwined and our future depends on this relationship. The Anthropocene era, where human actions shape the Earth, forces us to reconsider how we interact with the environment, just like the characters in the game work to bring back balance to their world. It really resembles the idea of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, both push for a big shift in how we see and treat nature, the need for deep ecology and sustainable living to avoid environmental disasters. The game goes a step further by showing how every choice impacts the ecosystem where even small actions can lead to big changes.

On a less enthusiastic note, "The Drama of the Anthropocene" dives into some questionable conclusions. Cobb rejects the idea that better technology alone can save us from environmental collapse, calling out the arrogance in believing that human ingenuity can always find a fix. Like ok go off I guess, but you can't you can't get into the brains of every one of 8 billion people and make them treat nature with care. I'm all up for the idea of interconnectedness of eco systems, but we need all the options, especially technology. I don't even want to repeat his ideas about religion and their alleged contribution to the environmental distress :\

[ferusaurelius]

Mass Effect Universe Meta - 1

I suppose I should call this ‘mass effect critical’ but it’s really more a meditation on the questions that the series poses and the ones it chooses to ignore ... with a focus on ‘choice-based’ narrative, character-driven storylines, and geopolitical philosophy. 

If any of the above annoys you, I’d recommend not hitting the read more. This’ll probably be the first part of a series. xD

This first one is just a meditation on the choice-based narrative implementation in ME as a series. 

I’m sure I’m not saying anything someone else hasn’t already covered, in fairness, probably better or more extensively than I’m doing here ... but this is kinda where I have to begin in order to tackle my other themes.

If you just get annoyed by this sort of navel-gazing, probably best not to proceed past the cut. I’ll totally understand!

So You Want Choice-Based Story In Your AAA-Shooter

Starting with the above: much ink has been spilled on the way that gameplay implicates and frames morality. Back in the day, Mass Effect (2007) on release was stirring up controversy because it let players choose a lesbian relationship with Liara! We’ve come a long way since then. 

In some respects, Mass Effect is a product of its time and also another milestone in BioWare’s narrative portfolio. Which, before Mass Effect, included other games such as Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic.

Worth noting is that BioWare as a development house has refined its use of morality systems and mechanics over time! We’ve seen everything from lightside/darkside sliders, to paragon/renegade, to the innovation of ‘party approval’ ratings in the Dragon Age franchise. Of note is that once BioWare establishes a canon morality or choice-rating system, those mechanics tend to remain in place or consistent throughout a particular world.

There’s a notable (and expected) departure in Mass Effect: Andromeda because the writers felt like the Paragon/Renegade system was too tied to Commander Shepard, specifically, to be used as a basis for Ryder.

What makes these game narratives so engaging from a player viewpoint will also be necessarily limited by the under-the-hood mechanics of the systems and how they are capable of responding to the player. Without a set of key markers to help the game function and implement narrative choices, and without a highly-structured narrative framework that can accommodate or reflect those choices on-screen in ways that are emotionally resonant, we get ... whatever happened with Starchild.

... but we didn’t get there all at once.

Mass Effect 1: Cosmic Horrors and You

At a very high-level read, Mass Effect 1 sets the scene for the rest of the trilogy to follow and makes very clear the stakes and the plot-related questions it’s going to tackle. In the first five minutes of the game we’re confronted with eldritch horrors from beyond the stars, the return of the geth, AND Saren Arterius killing his friend, Nihlus Kryik!

I kinda knew right about then that the game was not going to be tackling plot questions (and cultures) in ways that were interesting to me, since if they were going to do that ... it would have made more sense for Nihlus to live. I have been (politely, affectionately) boo-boo-the-clown ever since.

While I still loved the aspects of universe exploration and getting to know my human and non-human crewmembers (Ashley, Kaidan, Wrex, Tali, Garrus, and Liara), the shocking moments of Virmire where you -- and I’m pretty sure this isn’t a spoiler at this point -- have to determine who lives and who dies and it’s a scripted loss? 

Narratively powerful because you’ve spent a while getting to know both characters, but problematic from a mechanics standpoint because now you have to maintain a universe that more or less hangs together throughout the game no matter “who” you chose to survive. Death-as-choice becomes a notable proxy in Mass Effect’s storyline for morality and impact.

Mechanically, you’ll also note that a lot of “moral choices” are framed as kill/don’t kill, to various and sundry effects. Personally, I wasn’t a fan of the binary choice framework underpinning most of the game’s critical moments.

And rather than be totally critical I’ll just spotlight the one choice I DO remember: with enough paragon points, talking Saren into shooting himself before he gets reanimated as a Reaper abomination.

In fairness, I think it would’ve been nice for that moment not to be gated behind a Paragon points check, since it was a NEAT narrative flourish that I didn’t see structurally repeated in other areas in the game.

As much as I fell in love with the universe, the idea of the Protheans, and what Vigil and Ilos implied about the murky past ... I was less enamored of the Reapers as a universe-ending threat and more intrigued by the internecine conflicts between the various species of the galaxy. Other game-defining options which carried over into ME2 included whether or not to save the Council (cake or death?), who to appoint as humanity’s first Councilor (slightly less death-driven), whether or not to shoot Wrex (also cake or death).

The amount of “save or kill” decisions and the lack of other equivalents (and those that WERE provided being given less narrative weight than the life-or-death elements) clued me in to the design philosophy that what the game and the narrative would most remember about the world state was who was still alive.

On the one hand, the narrative impacts of presence or absence are obvious for the player! We know these decisions are significant. On the other hand, as you’ll see in my description of ME2, this design choice did start to paint the team into a corner.

Mass Effect 2: About That Suicide Mission

Much as I loved the new squadmates for ME2 and the overall pacing of the story, as well as the interim character development for each former squad member, the clue that most of this was going to happen off-screen or not at all was that these developments occurred while Shepard was not present -- conveniently killed by the Collectors.

Again, this was my hint that this story was going to focus on different questions!

Cerberus, who played the role of minor mooks in the first game, were upgraded to a level of influence that would be a conspiracy-theorist’s dream. One of my personal soapbox “dead dove: do not eat” elements is “but the conspiracies were REAL!” So this was honestly my bad.

Favorite moments in this game included getting to know new squad members, reuniting with old characters (including Wrex! and Grunt, who has one of my favorite arcs in the game alongside Garrus). YMMV about which characters and squadmates you connected with the most/least, but we can all agree that The Suicide Mission was Certainly A Choice.

With that said, it’s possible for no-one to survive and to avoid recruiting the new squaddies. Because choices, remember?

Unfortunately this also has the impact of “kill/save” being, once again, the primary impactful narrative game mechanic. 

One can forgive the developers and narrative designers for getting a little tired at this point, because we’re not sure who survived or how much narrative content we’re going to have to adapt to another totally new character in the third act, based on who survives The Suicide Mission. Which does rather put a crimp in the amount of relational development we can presuppose in the third game.

One gets the idea that Liara was the favorite child in part because she is more or less impossible to kill. She will survive all the games no matter what choices you make, unless that choice is getting killed by Harbinger’s laser beam at the very end of ME3 and failing the game.

Small wonder that, in many respects, one of the ways the game develops Liara’s character is actually taking away player choice to avoid having to do an “impactful kill/save” option that would otherwise render her permanently inaccessible to the narrative.

Mass Effect 3: Enter the Starchild

So, what are we to make of the “kill/save” and “presence/absence” dynamic as the most narratively impactful and important? Ironically, these choices have impact only insofar as they determine what resources and relationships your Commander Shepard has access to in the game. The narrative does not so much branch as continue on, with slightly different details, depending on who you saved or recruited.

There will still BE a Tuchanka mission with or without Mordin or Wrex, and you will still conquer the Reaper capital ship alongside Kalros, the mother of all thresher maws (which is a pretty cool moment, let’s be real).

From a narrative design standpoint, these moments are what’s absolutely critical to a functioning storyline -- the character-development bits are secondary, as they must be in a game where the suicide mission can deplete your squad so thoroughly that nobody is left.

I won’t spend too much time on the original choice to lock Javik behind a DLC gate, but that’s another unfortunate choice that limited the baked-in narrative options for the third installment of the game.

Outside of the Commander-Shepard-Driven set pieces on each world, at this point, character relationships were more the icing on the cake than the narrative bedrock, something as a consequence of deciding early in design that killing characters is the clearest way to communicate narrative impact.

However, the other side of this choice, is that killing off characters when you have no narrative attachment to them and no stake in that sacrifice, ends up having progressively less and less impact, even in a AAA-shooter where the whole point is to reduce endless waves of mooks into a fine mist...

... which is where Starchild comes in.

Commander Shepard is locked into a final color-coded narrative choice of who to kill and who to save. That’s the narrative’s way of making sure you know that the choice is important -- because, without that design choice, there’s really no other established way for the game to communicate significance.

Which is a tragedy in and of itself. So many other moments are often significant or meaningful ... and I really think the choice to go with life-and-death as the biggest, baddest, most narratively-supportive element is what essentially painted the team into this final corner.

If You’re So Smart, What Would You Do?

This is easy, since it’s ultimately what BioWare and its narrative designers decided to implement in its next games: party-based approval and relationship systems that operated separately from a Paragon/Renegade personal scale.

Yeah, yeah, a cop-out. I know. Essentially, this is just external evidence that the narrative designers learned from the limitations they encountered in the Mass Effect universe and applied those lessons to their Dragon Age games.

Which again is not to say that I’ve seen concrete evidence of leaning LESS into the “kill/save” dynamic as impactful (remember the Witherfang quest in DA:O?). But it’s the thought that counts!

Branching out to other choices being signaled and framed as impactful is a key to choice-based game design and storytelling being able to incorporate character-driven narrative alongside the raw individual plot.

While this ultimately didn’t happen in Mass Effect, I am interested to see how the mechanics will be implemented in DA4 to detail and interweave other motives and questions into that storyline.

That’s What Fanfiction is For

Watching the canon Mass Effect universe default to “kill/save” decisions as the framing morality structure is pretty much why I write fanfiction designed to fill in and detail out the other blank spaces in background and backstory, and to imagine what other questions might have arisen in a more flexible approach that would not have been possible before the relevant lessons for narrative design were learned in these games.

My motivation as a writer is to expand in areas that were dropped because they wouldn’t make the cut in a AAA-shooter on a protagonist-driven schedule.

For the same reason that narrative significance eluded the final “controversial” ending of the series, I find that there are enough other aspects of character-driven plot and geopolitical philosophy that remain interesting (and implied-if-you-squint by the codex material) to keep me sufficiently occupied for a number of WIP fanfics. ;)

Which, in the end, is more a testament to the strength of the central thesis of the game (what if humanity is the new kid on the block in a galaxy full of advanced alien species?) rather than the questions the narrative ultimately chose to center.

-Ferus, out.

[onewomancitadel]

I have received news from the front (Twitter discourse) that talking about abstract characters 'deserving' xyz given narrative outcome as a given consequence of thematic intentions and not just simply what a character should flatly 'deserve' emotionally is apparently 'anti-empathy'; the spirit of the original criticism was to reject overly punitive approaches to characters through narrow moral reasoning and to consider their higher emotional purpose (and character needs), which I find an ironic criticism. I don't think the notion that characters 'deserving' something on the basis of narrative needs is actually anti-empathy at all - it doesn't preclude an emotional response to their arc, but you can't reason based on whether this character you really like should be rewarded just because you like them or punished just because you hate them. What feelings are elicited when things contrary to your deeper desires happen? What are the things that need to happen?

I think it's a little static sense of storytelling, too. It's not like characters stay one thing or another, and as they evolve over the story, and do the things they have to do, they evolve beyond your first impression. Maybe you think a villain doesn't 'deserve' redemption, and then you watch it evolve onscreen and come around to it. Maybe you can scarcely believe the corruption of the hero and find their fall painful. Maybe that's the point.

The point of discussing 'catharsis' in storytelling, and not just vindication, is that it encompasses a spectrum of emotion which acknowledges the transformative feeling of storytelling - that isn't just about whether it makes you feel good or not. That's one type, and sometimes, yes, you want that; sometimes that's hard-baked into the genre expectations or the flags we get about character or narrative stakes. That's the intelligible system of storytelling. But if a character's ending is disputed from what they deserved on an individual reader/viewer level, the story could be anything if it's divorced from the aims and intentions of the storyteller. Everybody lives and all the bad guys die. I mean, sometimes you need a story where everybody lives... there's always a time and a place.

Sometimes, though, I think people have lost the good art of longing. We're delivered such cynical endings in popular media cultural moment after moment, and denied the catharsis of real tragedy. I feel such pain and longing for Paul Atreides and the story he could never have, by design. It's very powerful, and it hurts a lot, but it's done successfully and in a way that I cannot deny it's the only appropriate story, for the world he's in and the purpose he serves. It's not a 'shock'; there is a terrible weight on him from the moment he's introduced. The gom jabbar is no mere task to be overcome but a demonstration of the pain he can bear. Literally. In two senses. (To bear, as in withstand, and to carry). It's a massive cast of gloom over his story.

Sure, I think we can get a little abstract with the whole 'narrative criticism' thing; storytelling is storytelling, and at its barest components we feel what we feel. That's the magic. But on the other hand, once fandom (and relatedly media) discourse begins playing the narrative criticism game to condemn naughty, naughty villains and the apologists who love them (or valiantly defend Characters Who Didn't Deserve to Die), you do actually need to start asking questions about what basis you can start saying who does and doesn't deserve to live or die or go to space jail, and start digging deeper into what ideas these characters service. It can seem mechanical, but only when you get too close and forget what it all serves, which is that higher purpose of the story proper. We can talk about absolute appropriateness not just in subjective feelings, but in that world the story inhabits. Maybe, sometimes, the unfairness is the point. *shrug*

I'm still reeling from this position being called 'anti-empathy' though. That's a new one. I think empathy is one part of the picture here, and probably something that people miss as much as they catch it. Lol.

[imsparky2002]

Ghouls and Monsters - The Werewolf

(WereKim is sitting by himself, gnawing on his favorite chew toy, unaware of the girl approaching him from the shadows. Winlix snarls, her yellow eyes glowing in the darkness, saliva dripping from her mouth.)

Winlix: Fresh meat...

(WereKim looks up, his sharp senses having caught something, but sees nothing, going back to chewing on the squeaky bone. Winlix pounces on him from the shadows... and finds herself not making much impact, due to his massive size. He yelps happily and begins roughhousing with her. )

WereKim: You like pouncing and wrestling too?! It’s may favorite game to play with my brothers and sisters!

Winlix: Aw man! I almost always win. You're a real big werewolf, buddy. Sound familiar, too.

WereKim: (Grins) Thanks! (Flexes his muscles) Yeah, you look a lot like my friend, Alix! Only without the shades and you don’t have snake hair!

Winlix: That's cause I am, dummy. So she's a gorgon? 

WereKim: Yep! Which means I finally get to have a staring contest with you! 

Winlix: *Groans* You must be Kim. I always said he was like a golden retriever, but this is ridiculous.

WereKim: Yeah, my friends say that a lot too! (He suddenly gains a look like a lovesick puppy) ‘Dine says I’m the goodest boy in the world!

Winlix: Heh! You guys are still as sappily sweet in this place as well, that's cute. She human or a monster?

WereKim: (Yips happily) The prettiest water monster ever! (He pulls out his phone and shows her a picture)

Winlix: Aww. I've met a few goonies (slang term for creatures from lagoons and oceans). They're usually chill. We play reefball together.

WereKim: Yeah, Dine is actually a freshie and a goonie! Her mom is from Loch Ness, but her dads from the Mexican coast!

Winlix: Ooohh... where I'm from, they've got pretty rocky relationships. Do her and her folks have to deal with family drama?

(WereKim nods unfortunately)

WereKim: Yeah…her folks are great, but…the rest of her family causes a lot of trouble, criticizing her and just being really mean. Her dads parents don’t even like that she’s dating me, because I’m not one of them. They call me ‘the mutt’ and stuff like that.

Winlix: *Growling* Bastards... sorry you gotta deal with that, man.

WereKim: It’s what it is, I guess. Stuff like that sucks, but it happens.

(WereKim can hear her voice break a little as she asks the next question.)

Winlix: Do you have your real parents around in your universe?

WereKim: Yeah, I’ve got my dads, my mom, and all my siblings! (He tilts his head, gaining a sad look) Did something happen to yours?

Winlix: (Looks sad) Hunters shot 'em down with silver bullets. My brother, too. A good thing that there were some humans trying to protect us, otherwise I'd hate them all.

WereKim: Ah geez, I’m real sorry. I can’t imagine losing my folks. And yeah…some humans can take things too far... (Rubs the side of his ribs, where the scar on his back ends)

Winlix: That's for sure. It's ok, though. I was only like 8 or whatever. It hurts, but I always had my sisters by my side. Ok, we're not related, but they're still like my siblings to me. We've been together since we were babies. We were all raised by a group of witches, along with everyone's parents.

WereKim: Wow, that’s cool! Must be cool to have moms who know magic! My friends are kinda like my family too, we all look out for each other.

Winlix: Sweet! Here’s a picture of my group. Obviously you can’t see Jules. (She shows a photo of the 6 Ghoul Squad girls with the Witches of Wisdom.) 

Winlix: Marinette’s a witch, but she lives with her parents.

WereKim: Yeah, our Juleka doesn’t show up in pics either, neither does Luka. (Shows a picture of all his friends together) These are all my buds!

Winlix: Aw sweet! Woah! So that’s what Alya would look like without bandages… or without decaying skin. And Rose’s a skeleton! Mylene isn’t glowing, and I don’t got fur! And Marinette! She’s a doll. This is freaky, but I like it!

WereKim: Yeah, you guys should all come around and meet the rest of our friends! It could be fun!

Winlix: Sounds like a howling good time! (They both howl in unison.)

Here’s the second crossover, and Weeby and I had so much fun writing our favorite werewolves! Make sure to reblog, reply, post and ask. @artzychic27 @msweebyness 

[naniwa-archive]

10000 Characters Long Interview

『When I was a Jr.』

Nishihata Daigo (Naniwa Danshi - 7th Issue)

During the era when Kansai Jr was ridiculed as a “burnt field”, Nishihata remained standing as center.

While feeling uneasy thinking “Why am I in this role?” being in a position where he receives both praises and criticism by himself, the days of taking in and enduring everything was not short. Then, Naniwa Danshi was formed and where Nishiahta stands again is the center. But everything was different from back then.

With comrades he takes pride in and strength from accepting himself, let’s go to see new sceneries.

Vividness and Power are Kansai Jr's Charm

We have Daigo as the last person of the Naniwa Danshi serialization.

Please take care of me.

Naniwa Danshi, of course, but the spirit of Kansai Johnny's where Daigo has spent his time is amazing.

Thank you so much. Kansai Jr. truly is amazing. After watching Ae! group's solo stage and Lil Kansai, Boys Be, AmBitious' "Kansai Johnny's DREAM LIVE 2022", I felt that power. I think that Kansai's greatness is their vividness and power. That power reached me. After debuting, now once again, I felt that I should never forget my days as a Kansai Jr. I can not forget those days when I gave my best to make the audience think to themselves "I want to come again"

I want to ask you various questions right now, what kind of kid you were as a child?

Apparently I was bossy inside but shy outside. I have heard that I used to be loud inside the house but once outside, I would hide myself behind my parents. That characteristic of me has not changed till date. Also, apparently instead of playing games that required me to move my body I would rather play house with girls. I never really did much sports. The most I did was playing softball during middle school. My father who had previous experience in baseball was the coach but my older brother got in the team before me. I also took part in it from the 4th year of elementary school. My father probably wanted me to enter the baseball club in middle school but, because I did not want to go bald I entered the track and field club instead.

Yet, the number of times you have shaved your head is amazing.

I did shave my head 3 times (laughs)

What was your dream as a child?

I liked kids so I vaguely thought if I should become a daycare teacher. There was a daycare near my house that's why I thought that it would be convenient for me to work there.

Then, what is the backstory behind passing Johnny's audition?

My mother likes Arashi, so I believe that this is a result of that, but she had sent in my resume without my knowledge. On the day of the audition she pushed me in and took me to the venue by saying "I will buy you anything you want!". It was a public audition but I think there were about 100 people. That was a completely different world. As for Johnny's, I did not know much about them either. My knowledge was limited to knowing the existence of Arashi and Ninomiya (Kazunari)-kun only. But, I did not know that Arashi was Johnny's. About Ninomiya-kun too, when I watched his drama "Yamada Taro Monogatari", I thought to myself "this actor is really cool", but I did not know that he was a member of Arashi.

Did you think that you would get selected?

Instead of thinking whether I will get selected or not, I just wanted to go home early. When I had to show a special skill, that's when I showed them cushion spinning and also learned a dance that I had never done before. Finally when they said "it's a wrap" I went back home. Right when I was about to take off my shoes, I received a phone call. It said "Can you come back?". They said that they will give the transportation cost, hearing that made me think "Lucky!!". When I went I saw about 10 people there. It made me think that "I messed up" and that "Did I possibly get accepted??"

Hahaha.

As for my name though, before my birth, the name of the character that was played by Nagano (Hiroshi)-san in "Ultraman Tiger" was Daigo, apparently I was named after that. Of course I don’t think my parents did that back then thinking "he will be a Johnny's someday", so this is just pure coincidence.

I wonder why was I at the center?

We have heard that right after Ohashi (Kazuya) -kun entered, he soon started to teach dance to Daigo-kun, but because you did not have any motivation you thought "What's up with this person?"

No offense to Hassun, but it was because at the beginning it was kinda annoying.

However, right after entering, you were selected as a member of AeShonen along with Nagase Ren -kun and Masakado Yoshinori -kun

I was happy that it was a 5 member group like Arashi but, it was then when I took my first step towards finally understanding "What is it to be a group?"

After a year, (Onishi) Ryusei-kun entered.

I remember Ryusei during his audition. He danced so lively and his smile was beautiful/pretty too. I remember blurting out "He's a strong rookie!" After that I started to get along with Ryusei right away.

Together with Ryusei-kun and Nagase-kun along with Daigo-kun, the three of you became Naniwa Ouji. Additionally, with Mukai (Koji) -kun and Hirano (Sho) -kun's Kin Kan "Maido! Jyani" had started.

I was surprised to be honest. It all happened suddenly. But it was no longer something that I could treat like another club activity. It felt like I had to carry out and do everything properly. Because, the fact we were chosen amongst so many seniors, it had to have an important meaning behind it. Moreover, when I heard what Johnny-san had to say, the atmosphere felt as if the debut was approaching us as well.

Did you expect the 6 of you to debut together?

I did expect, yes. How do I explain, Kou-chan (Mukai) had a long experience and was a person on whom we could rely on, Sho was there as well. Sho is a person whom when I saw for the first time, I thought to myself, "Ah, this kid is a star". Along with them, there was Ren, and Ryusei as well. "Isn't this team strong!?!" is what I thought.

It was around that time when you were casted for the Asadora "Gochisousan".

Suddenly I received a call from my manager where he asked me "Can you shave your head?". As I was thinking about what it might be about I was told that it was for an Asadora, to which I replied "I will do it!" without any hesitation. How do I word it, it felt good to be able to do something that would help me to be of some strength to NaniKin."

Well then, what did you think of Johnny's WEST's debut in 2014?

I was super happy. Because, not only were they my immediate seniors, they were someone who had taken care of me a lot, they were also the ones who had taught me a lot of things starting from courtesy and everything else. We jumped on the momentum that Johnny's WEST had developed, which made me think that we will be the next to debut and such.

But, Hirano-kun and Nagase-kun had to move to Tokyo because of their parents.

Ren and Sho, I carried on thinking that they will come back here someday. That was at the very beginning. But around the time when they became Mr. KING, that's when I realized "Ah, our paths will be different from here on".

Even then, when Daigo-kun and others became the seniors of Kansai, you guys kept everything lively.

If I am being honest, it was nothing all that cool. Johnny's WEST debuted, Ren and Sho were not there as well. I could imagine Kansai having a hard time from there on. Initially I thought that I would quit. It was right around my third year of high school too, which is the timing I have seen other Jrs quit. But unlike them who quit because they had clear dreams to pursue, in my case I would consider it as something close to running away. Because I only had vague thoughts of going to a university that specializes in daycare / nursery school and becoming a kindergarten teacher.

Why did you stay back?

Having stage plays and similar other works being confirmed was a big reason, besides that there was the fact that I had fallen in love with this group and community called Kansai Johnny's. But the main reason is that, I had not consulted with anyone about this but, when I talked with Ryusei about how "I might quit", he said "Let's give our best together, but if Dai-chan quits, I will quit too". That flipped a switch in me. "I can not let a kid with such a bright future quit" and such. That's why, I don't know how to say this, it's not because we have spent the same time together. His existence is really precious to me.

However, although it was unexpected, the Kansai group as a whole was in a situation where they were ridiculed as a burnt field.

I was anxious about how much we could liven up the audience with those of us who were remaining in Kansai. Besides, I thought that if we messed up then the existence of Kansai would be in danger, I couldn't let it disappear, I desperately wanted to stop it from disappearing. That's why, during the 2015 "Shonentachi", I was desperate to death. I was worried the entire time thinking "Will the seats be filled at all?. That's why, when the staff told us about the show being sold out, we celebrated by giving each other a high five.

However, there was a time when you collapsed on the stage of Shochikuza because of living a busy day to day life, right?

Something like that too happened, yeah. That makes me a failure of a professional but, during that time I did not think of things like preservation or distribution of my physical strength. I was so obsessed that my field of vision became narrow. Because I desperately wanted to become the gateway for people to get to know Kansai Jr. When we get solo jobs, in the credits, we get labeled like "Nishihata Daigo (Kansai Johnny's Jr.), right? I started to think that it was my mission to get people to know about Kansai Jr's existence through the credits, even a little bit by doing as much work as possible. It did not matter how I ran or what I ran towards, it was a time when I was just desperately pushing forward.

The boy who was shy enough to hide behind his parent's back, standing in the front row of Kansai, moreover in the center. All while bearing the brunt end of criticism at the same time.

I knew all too well myself. The fact that I never had anything / any merit to offer. Because I think that I am the average type at everything. For someone like that to have increasing offers for solo jobs while standing at the center, how I would be perceived by my surroundings, it was quite obvious. But, by then I had made up my mind that it is such a position. I wasn't as skillful as to be able to take in / receive all the criticism while being nonchalant and as long as I was in the lead, I could do nothing but accept everything instead of dodging them. Of course I had to accept the criticisms though. I could not stay unharmed.

Wasn't that lonely?

Yeah, I might have been lonely in that sense. But I never did for once think that "I am lonely" to myself but looking back, I could not really consult / discuss with anyone. Of course it's not because I did not trust the Kansai Jr members, but because I am not the type who is able to put his thoughts into words.

Even then you continued to stand in the center with a smile.

Once I accidentally asked Shigeoka (Daiki) -kun "Why am I in the center?". To which he said "No one knows the reason behind that. But Johnny-san chose you. Be proud of that." Those words have really saved me. The fact that I don't have much confidence is still true till this day but, whenever I am in any trouble I have always been supported and helped by the people around me. The only thing that someone like me, who is average at everything, can be proud of is that I have been blessed with the kind people I meet.

Wait for us to go over there!

2017 winter, Kansai Jrs were separated from the older team and younger team for concert shows.

At that time, Johnny-san said “Change is needed”. We talked with the agency and Shochiku [Theater staff]-san and reached the conclusion that “Isn’t it better to separate to let the younger members grow?” I ended up having the same thoughts. Of course quality is important but I think the most important thing for Jrs is the quantity of practical experience. To become amazing idols by experiencing different things, by repeating failures and success. I think idols are about the process of repeated polishing. That’s why by separating the shows by age and letting the younger members get more practical experience, it will raise the level of Kansai Jrs. Of course I think the pressure of it was heavy for the younger team but they overcame it. I went to watch the younger team’s last show and seeing Ryusei cry during MC made me cry too. I thought Ryusei did a great job as a leader and that he grew so much.

Ryusei-kun said in the interview that when you two were in different units, he did not want to be apart, was worried, and that he had to have the resolve for the sake of Kansai Jrs.

Sorry, I did not know he had those thoughts. I thought it was going to be a transitory separation. We were fighting solo or rather, because I thought if there is going to be a debut from Kansai Jrs, it’s going to be chosen from the whole Kansai Jrs regardless of units, or that a few will be chosen to debut with Tokyo Jrs. I thought it would not be strange for anyone to get chosen and that maybe someone would suddenly get called to Tokyo.

Then, what if you were to get called to Tokyo at that timing?

Me…? I think I wouldn’t have gone, yeah. I feel like I would not go. I love the Kansai Jr community and the tradition of Kansai Jr that has been passed on by seniors. That’s why I had the strength to stand firm in the front with Kou-chan (Mukai Koji) and Ryusei. If I was called at that timing, I think it would have been impossible for me to go.

Then, what did you think of 2018’s King & Prince debut?

I was happy. I thought they would so I fully congratulated them. Ah, after their debut announcement when Masakado, Ren, and I met up, Ren seemed like he felt sorry when he said “We won’t turn distant just because I debut. I’m worried that you two might quit Johnny’s”. That’s why I told him “Don’t underestimate us!” Of course Kansai Jr was still not stable but I did not want Ren to feel sorry or guilty so that’s why I told him “We will debut and go over there, so you just wait!”

In the same year in October, finally, Naniwa Danshi formed.

I was surprised. I was like “Eehh”. My senior Jo-kun is here. My friend Hassun is here. And the three, Micchi, Kento and Kyohei, who are much younger than me, are here too. I panicked at the thought of myself, who was already 21, to be grouped in with 16 year old kids. Also, the group name is Naniwa Danshi. Ranked down from Naniwa Ouji (laughs). (T/N: Danshi=Boy. Ouji=Prince) And what I also thought was “Kou-chan and Ryuta-kun aren’t here. Why!?”

Other members also said this but was it more of a worry in the beginning?

Yes. For Jo-kun, Hassun, and I, this group was no doubt our last chance. If we had let this chance go, I thought our road to debut would be cut off. But for the younger 3, it looked to me that they had more mental leeway. That gap was really worrying. I especially wonder what was on Micchi’s mind when we just formed. In my eyes, there seemed to be a phase when Micchi did not like Naniwa Danshi. I think he had other ideas of a group and form of debut. But as time passed, he started to say “I love Naniwa Danshi” and that he’s happy that we are these 7 members. I remember feeling very happy and relieved.

So you guys overcame that kind of phase after Naniwa Danshi formed.

But I think we were impatient. After debut, Jo-kun and I had the chance to re-watch Ride on Time. There was a scene where we scolded the younger 3 when we had just formed. Seeing that, I thought “We were impatient during that time”. Even thinking back now, I still think we still should have scolded them but, I also think “Maybe we should’ve let them act freely” and that “We were too serious because of our impatience”.

Sometime after Naniwa Danshi was formed, it seemed as if your expressions loosened.

That might be true. I had always thought “I have to carry everything on my back” and thoughts like “I have to do something” were always so strong. I was plunging forward to make myself the reason and to be the gateway for new people to learn about Naniwa Danshi. But seeing members on TV and with the credit “Naniwa Danshi”, made me realize that “Ah, I’m not the only gateway”. Each member is active on their own on variety shows, dramas, movies, and other media. I should say that it’s then that I felt the essence of being a group.

Essence of a group?

To help and support each other. Everyone having something only they can do and complementing each other is what it means to be a group. Before with Ae Shonen and Naniwa Ouji, I was in the position of being fully reliant on other members. After that, I thought it’s all about fighting solo and stubbornly thought that I had to do something. But after this group was formed, I realized that sharing the burden which I thought I had to carry alone with 7 people is not being weak and that’s what it means to be a group.

I see.

Other than members, it’s really with everyone’s support that I am here now. I just said this but I’m really blessed with the kind people I meet. Ohkura-kun and Yokoyama-kun also really helped us a lot. They really were like saviors to us. Long before Naniwa Danshi formed, Yokoyama-kun has been praising us a lot. He said “Dance, singing and comedy. You guys are at a much higher level from when we were Jrs so no matter how you think of it, it’s such a waste to leave things as it is”. He really encouraged us and worked with people from tv stations and other entertainment personnel for us so, to Kansai Jrs who were in darkness with no vision of the future, he really was our savior.

Right.

I also can forget the words Ohkura-kun said to me. I was told “Seeing Daigo and everyone working hard makes me feel that we also need to work harder. I’m glad to be able to take part with you guys”.

Then, since when were you certain that Naniwa Danshi would debut?

Ever since we formed, I was sure we would debut. But of course there was no certainty that we would until we saw the words “CD Debut” on July 28 at Yokohama Arena.

What actually happened when you saw the words “CD Debut?”

I had flashbacks. All the days I spent as Jr flashed before my eyes.

Immediately after that, you hugged Ryusei-kun, patted his back, and said “[...] worked hard”, right?

I don’t remember that at all (laughs). But after all, more than anyone, I had activities with Ryusei the most. We have been together since Ryusei was 10 years old. There was a short time when we were apart but the one who has always been beside me is Ryusei. Maybe that’s why I said “[...] worked hard” but to add a subject, it’s “We”. (T/N: 頑張る = to work hard/to do one’s best. 頑張った = past tense. Daigo said 頑張ったね which would normally be assumed as “You worked hard” when no subject is specified.) Many things happened to us but we did not give up and worked hard up until this point. I’m happy that I got to debut but above all, I’m happy to debut with Ryusei being in the same group.

Did you get congratulated by many people?

Yes. Parents are a given and many other people too. I got a message from Ninomiya-kun that said “Today’s weather is nice. Make sure to not forget this day”.

What about Nagase-kun?

He gave me a call. He simply said “Congratulations”. We don’t particularly have passionate talk. It would be impossible unless I’m drinking alcohol (laughs).

My strong point is I’m blessed with the kind of people I meet

Message to members please. Starting with Joichiro-kun.

His entertainment career is long. Not just long but he is someone who has seen many sceneries. Even more so that he’s seen his batch mates and juniors debut. I think it’s because he has lots of experience that each of his words have persuasive power. His thought patterns are also similar to mine. We would sometimes think of discussing similar topics at the same timing. I really am depending on him.

Ohashi-kun.

I get energy from being with Hassun. Before debut, we went out eating together a lot and I will never forget that he frequently told me “You can put down more of your weight, okay?” After our debut and coming to Tokyo, there has been less time for us to go out to eat and talk face to face but, I think it’s the result of our bond deepening. The time may have become shorter but instead of surface level discussion, we exchange our honest thoughts and opinions with each other. That once again made me realize that we are adults now.

Nagao-kun.

Kento is the youngest but he’s mature. His ideas are well rooted. At the same time, he doesn’t know to fear from being young. Saying “I want to do something like this!” and “How about a performance like this?” he gives us many opinions and ideas. It helps a lot and also makes me realize different ways to think of things. I remember the day of the audition. I remember talking with Johnny-san about him saying “That kid is cute” “He really is”. At that time, Kento was such a quiet kid that it would be hard to imagine now. And now, he states his opinions firmly. It surprises me and makes me think he really grew after overcoming a lot of situations.

Kyohei-kun.

Kyohei is a kind kid. I have a moody tendency so when I feel “I somehow can't bring up my energy” and I’m just sitting alone in the green room, he would come near me before I realize. He would come near me but does not particularly talk or do anything though. For him, maybe he wasn't thinking of anything and just sat next to me because the seat was empty. But it didn’t happen just once or twice. He is a considerate person so I guess he sensed something and stayed beside me. I’m really happy for his consideration. The group’s comfortable air, or like, the pleasant environment is created by this kid. He’s seen to be cool and a person of few words but he’s just simply shy around strangers. I wonder why but even if there are times to scold him, you would just forgive him. It’s hard to hate him. I think that is Kyohei’s charm.

Michieda-kun.

Micchi is, well, really amazing. He has an overwhelming grace to him. His aura to attract people is outstandingly strong. But in the green room, he doesn’t show that grace at all and is like a little puppy seeking attention towards members. That is more than anything, his charm.

Michieda-kun wondered how you noticed and sent him a message of encouragement when he was tired due to his stage play.

Anyone would notice (laughs). He was obviously worn out. That’s more the reason that makes him amazing. He didn’t whine at all. I’d whine if it were me.

He said he was happy that you called him “Micchi” for the first time when you sent the message.

I don’t remember (laughs). But um, it was like a small challenge, or rather a step forward to shrink the distance between Micchi and I.

Lastly, Ryusei-kun.

Ryusei, to me, is maybe close to what comedian partners are to each other. There are many types of comedians but he’s like my partner of many years. I don’t cling onto him more than needed now, and there are days where we only say “Good morning” to each other but we can basically tell what the other is thinking.

Right after Naniwa Danshi formed, did you notice that Ryusei-kun was troubled with what position he held in the group?

I did think that he was troubled. This sounds weird but I was not worried about him or rather, I believed that he can find his own path. I believed with his potential, he would definitely find it. Because I know about that potential more than anymore else, I have nothing but trust in him. Isn’t he actually amazing too? Collaborating with a make-up brand and producing merch. Only Ryusei can materialize what fans want. It was Ryusei who taught me that a group is completely different from solo fights and it’s about division of tasks.

Naniwa Danshi, really gathered great members.

It really did. I really think the members are great and that we are a great group. I will say this again and again but my strong point is that I’m blessed with the people I meet, that includes staff and related personnel. And above all, I strongly feel that I’m blessed with my members and fans. That’s the one thing I can be proud of myself for.

Syncing pace and strides with 7 members and Nanifam

Right now, do you have any message for Kansai Jrs?

I want to tell them that I think you guys will face walls as you gain more experience but you don’t have to force yourself to take it all in on your own, because I couldn’t do that. If you feel that you can not keep on running, I want you to relax your shoulders, take a deep breath, and look beside you. There are comrades that will lend you a hand. I think that’s all I can say. And then, just do the things you want to, do the things you think are fun while running towards your own envision of an idol. If you don’t forget to have gratitude towards lots of people who will support you, I believe a great scenery and a great world awaits. I said this in the beginning too but if you have the vividness and power that is Kansai Jr’s tradition, which is also the Kansai Jr color I like, everything will be okay.

Then, do you have personal goals?

I want to try holding a late night radio. Until now, I was partly trying to appear tough. The off mode Nishihata that I was only able to show members and family till now, I think it might now be the time to show/bring that out. The gap is insane (laughs). But if it is now, I think it would be nice to show sides of myself that I couldn’t show before. Only on late night radio without video though.

You may just be trying to appear tough but what do you think is the reason why you could work this hard for Kansai Jrs?

There are a lot of reasons but after all, I didn’t want to lose the Kansai Jr community that I love. At first, I was unwillingly there but I think it’s because I came to like being an idol. Idols can become power for someone’s something. All jobs in this world eventually cause someone’s happiness and smile. Within them, we idols are a little unique. What we do directly reaches people and causes them to smile. I believe everyone’s smiles have been our driving force for that day and for right now as well.

Lastly, a message to fans.

11 years counting from Jr, the reason why I am here right now is really thanks to the many fans that have supported me. People who are currently fans and people who used to be fans even for just a short while, all those people brought me and Naniwa Danshi to this point. Even with just one less person, even if one short moment of support lacked, we could not have reached this scenery. I will keep running with gratitude in my heart.

What kind of scenery will Naniwa Danshi show us from now on?

As much new scenery as possible. But as important as the place we reach, it is who we want to see it with. So, I want the 7 of us to walk at our own pace with matching strides. To achieve that, it’s alright to sometimes slow down our speed. And not just the 7 of us but I also want to match the pace and strides with Nanifams as well. To walk altogether and to accumulate the time spent together. I want to treasure that above everything else and move towards new sceneries.

The End.

Translation: @nin248nd & @nishihatas