#a formal questionnaire

[getbreaded]

Guys, I'm trying to start a book club and I'm wondering if anyone has any tips/wants to share their experience?

Any help would be much appreciated 💛

[wheelie-sick]

this is going to be a long post, it's kinda just me writing all my raw unfiltered thoughts on ABA therapy as someone who actually went through it

-> TW for ABA therapy, child abuse, suicide <-

I was functionally diagnosed with autism at the age of 3 but it wasn't until I was 13 that I was actually formally evaluated for it and given an official diagnosis. I was behind in social skills and developmental skills

[ID: "was also described as a sensory seeker. She does not currently have any friends and has struggled to make and maintain peer relationships throughout her childhood. Difficulties with social skills were initially noted when she was in preschool (years before the onset of clinically significant symptoms of anxiety and"]

[ID: "Social functions: [blank]'s mother also completed a questionnaire rating her social responsiveness. Her responses on the SRS-2 indicated that [blank] is demonstrating severe deficits in the areas of Social Communication (reciprocal social interaction and nonverbal and verbal communication), Social Motivation (motivation to engage in social-interpersonal behavior) and Social Awareness (perceiving social cues) and moderate deficits in the areas of Social Cognition (understanding social cues). Severe Repetitive and Restrictive Behaviors (stereotypical behaviors or highly restricted interests) were also reported. The total T-score on the SRS-2 indicates severe deficiencies in reciprocal behavior that are likely to result in interference in everyday social interaction"]

[ID: "%ile) are mildly impaired, while her social skills are moderately impaired (2nd %ile). By domain, demonstrates mildly to moderately impaired abilities in six adaptive skills areas, including self care (9th %ile), communication (5th %ile), home living (5th %ile), self-direction (2nd %ile), social (2nd %ile), and leisure (1st %ile)"]

and ultimately all this ended up with the number one recommendation after my autism evaluation being for ABA therapy.

[ID: "Recommendations: Based on the above results, the following recommendations are made for [blank] and her family.

1. ABA therapy: [blank] May benefit from an intensive treatment program to foster cognitive and communication skills, improve independence and adaptive functioning, and help manage interfering behaviors (i.e home-based, 1:1 instruction, task analysis, etc.) Most private and community programs are based on principals of operant conditioning and taught in home with 1:1 instruction"]

*I'm getting misgendered here. my pronouns are he/him

"operant conditioning"-- like a dog 🐕🐕. woof woof.

my mom didn't know any better so she put me in ABA therapy with the Center for Autism and Related Disorders. she regrets this. I regret this more.

my autism evaluation was cruel, it dissected all my flaws as if I was a bug under a microscope in a highschool laboratory. my evaluation was passed around to ABA therapists, a line of high schoolers peering through the microscope examining the most vulnerable parts of me.

and I choose the highschool analogy quite deliberately. most of the ABA therapists at my center were recent highschool graduates with no degree and little training. they knew nothing about autism and had no qualifications. you need more certificates to become a professional dog trainer than to become a professional human trainer.

"operant conditioning"

and I wish I could say it was just a poor choice of words but ABA therapy was dog training for children. my dad used to call me an "it" and somehow I felt less dehumanized by that than the entire experience I had in ABA therapy.

I was the oldest person at my center (I did not receive in home therapy) with the next oldest being approximately 3 years younger than me. at the time I felt babied. I was surrounded by 5 year olds and I was treated as if I was not just a 5 year old but an autistic 5 year old and anyone who has been a visibly autistic 5 year old knows what that feels like. I had escaped being an autistic child and now I was being treated like one again. The head of the program tried to console me by telling me adults received their services too.

[ID: "Following the principles of applied behavior analysis, CARD has developed a treatment approach for children and adolescents with"]

this was the first lie they told me. CARD does not work with adults.

I was not allowed the privileges of being a 13 year old. because I was an autistic 13 year old and therefore I was the equivalent of a 5 year old. I was in psychotherapy at the same time and I had grown very accustomed to some level of freedom in therapy. I was allowed to use the bathroom independently. in ABA therapy I was not allowed to use the bathroom independently. I tried once, me and my therapist were on an "outing" to the grocery store and I told my therapist I was going to the bathroom and walked off and I got a very stern talking to about how I needed to "stop eloping" and if I didn't stop it would "become a behavior"

eloping became a common theme used to control me and squeeze money out of my parents.

out of everything I hated in my life, including severe physical abuse at home (which they did not report), I hated ABA therapy the most. I would repeatedly make serious threats of suicide to try to get out of ABA. no one cared. everyone thought I was being dramatic but there were times I wrote out suicide notes and ABA was among the reasons I listed. ABA made me feel hopeless, depressed, revolting, disgusting, inferior, and less than human. between ABA, my home life, and my social life I had never felt so hated and it was boiling through my skin. I acted out, I was bullying people, I was behaving recklessly, I was starting fights, and all this only made the oppressive force of ABA crack down on me harder. I was a cat hissing in the corner begging to be left alone and ABA brought a net to try to tame me further. every time I scratched back it was listed as a reason I needed to be there.

I was "disruptive" and "rebellious" and "uncooperative" and "resistant to treatment" and no one could figure out why I was "regressing" despite me shouting the answer. I was screaming and no one was willing to hear me

I hated myself and my autism. my autism diagnosis made me want to die. I didn't feel freed by it or understood I felt ashamed and disgusted. I felt incompetent and like I had failed. I was ashamed to be at ABA, it was my biggest secret. I'd lie to my friends about why I couldn't hang out and I'd lie to people in public about who the woman I was with was and I'd lie about all of it to try to cover up my most shameful secret.

ABA therapy did nothing but foster this. In ABA therapy I was mocked for being autistic and what was happening only clicked when a young kid, maybe only 4 or 5, was flapping his hands and a therapist took out her phone and recorded him. we were circus animals. it was all an entertaining show to them while they poked and prodded at us with metaphorical hot irons to make us dance. the first time a therapist laughed at me for rocking back and forth I wanted to throw up. I almost did. it was systematic bullying of children I was forced to watch and experience.

my point is: the last place on earth I wanted to be was the ABA center.

so of course I tried to leave. my mom would bring me McDonald's and I'd beg, sobbing real tears, to leave early because only she could sign me out. every time I'd go to meet her I'd be marked as "eloping" and my hotel stay in hell would get extended.

my natural response to a stressful environment (leaving) was pathologized. I was eloping this way and that way and never once did I actually, truly elope. that word was a weapon used against me. they used my "elopement" to justify extending my stay to my parents. they ate it right up.

they argued I needed to stay there because I was making friends. this was true, I'm great at getting along with children it's part of why I want to go into pediatrics, but I had also made real friends with people my age at my highschool. ABA was getting in the way. I wanted to spend time with my friends outside of school but ABA took up all my time from the minute I left school to 6pm and all day on weekends. I was doing a full time job's worth of hours. I complained about how I was missing out on spending time with my real friends (as in, over the age of 7) and I was met with almost no wiggle room in my schedule. I was allowed to pre-plan time to spend with friends but every time my friend group wanted to do something spontaneously? I had to say no, and I had to lie about why. my friends would share stories about driving around town with 2 people in the group stuffed in the trunk, of hanging out in the woods together, of taking part in ordinary highschool activities as ordinary high schoolers and it made me cry because I was not an ordinary highschooler and I was not allowed to participate in ordinary highschool activities. I was one of those weird, unpleasant, socially awkward autistic people instead. eventually, they just stopped inviting me. I was forced into the out group by ABA.

I'll never get that back. I'll never get a chance to be a normal highschooler ever again.

when I did have time available to hang out with people I never had the energy to. at the time I was living with an undiagnosed physical disability and I was begging to see a doctor but no one would believe that it wasn't just anxiety. the people who believed me least of all were the people at the center.

I was constantly told I was trying to get out of therapy by "feigning" very real pain and fatigue. I tried to explain spoon theory, and that I had limited spoons, and in response they made a task for me to name things to "regenerate spoons" that's not how it works. I wasn't the only physically disabled person there. there was a wheelchair user who was constantly forced to stand for periods of time despite being in agony doing it. he wasn't allowed rewards until he did it.

rewards were used to train us like dog treats are used with dogs. sometimes the treats were fun! I'd get to cook, play Mario kart, and go on outings. other times the treats were "using the correct name and pronouns for me." I'd constantly be threatened with deadnaming and misgendering if I was being "noncompliant."

misgendering because of my autism was a theme in my life. my neuropsych evaluation report misgendered me. my parents misgendered me. the staff at ABA misgendered me. at one point the head of the program suggested that my "gender confusion" was because of my autism. my abusive father latched onto this and still claims that the reason I'm "confused" about my gender is because the evil transgenders tricked me into thinking I'm one of them because I'm autistic and therefore easily impressionable.

the two therapists I had were nice because I refused to work with the others. they weren't on a power trip and both eventually left because they realized the harm the organization was doing. other therapists were not so kind. other therapists were on a power trip, because in their mind lording over autistic 5 year olds (and autistic 14 year olds) makes them powerful and strong. occasionally I'd get stuck with one of the other therapists when my usual therapists were out. they would talk to me in a baby voice. they would make fun of me for rocking back and forth, for not making eye contact, for talking about Skyrim "too much" and generally just for being autistic.

I never really knew what I was supposed to be doing, just that I was doing it wrong. the therapists there rarely actually told me what my tasks were they'd just mark yes or no on them, judging me for something I wasn't aware of. I was never actually supposed to graduate, I was never supposed to get out, if they wanted me to succeed they would have taught and explained what was happening but I was intentionally left in the dark.

I continued threatening suicide to get out. no one took me seriously. I was seriously considering it. there's no happy conclusion where someone finally realized it was all wrong, or I figured out how to be allistic and graduated, or I felt more comfortable there. I only got out when covid struck and shut the center down. it's gone now, replaced by a family advice center. I hope their advice for autistic children is to never put them in ABA.

there is no grander message here just suffering. I'm sorry if you were expecting some sort of great point at the end of this. there's not one. it happened, I wish it didn't, and I hope no one else experiences what I did ever again.

okay to reblog

[edsmore]

***SUBMISSIONS CLOSED! THANKS TO ALL WHO PARTICIPATED!***

LOOKING FOR PARTICIPANTS FOR CONLANGING STUDY!

Calling all conlangers! I’m Eddie (he/they), a conlanger and Master’s student studying applied linguistics. For my dissertation I’m looking to conduct some research on conlanging and the wonderful amazing people that do it! And if you want, you can participate in this research!!!

If you’re over the age of 18 and have made (or tried to make!) at least 1 language, you are eligible to take this questionnaire! And you don’t need any formal linguistics training or knowledge to complete it! I’ll also be conducting a few in-depth interviews (randomly selected), so if you’re interested in that part of the study as well you can indicate your interest in the questionnaire :-)

The questionnaire is on Microsoft Forms and split into two parts, so if you only have time/want to do the first one, it’s no big deal; Part 1 is more general (~15 mins), Part 2 is where you get to gush about a language you’ve made (avg ~20 mins)!

LINKS TO PARTICIPATE: Part 1, Part 2

DEADLINE: I’ll close submissions in June, but if you want to be considered for an interview, get it done by the end of May!

CONTACT: Casual or clarifying questions are welcome via tumblr (edsmore), but if you have more serious inquiries, you can find my university email on the information sheets located in the questionnaire forms.

(obligatory mention that this research is being officially conducted through the University of Oxford; information on data privacy/collection can be found in the information sheet provided in the questionnaire. The official flyer for this study with more information can be found here)

Of course this is all totally voluntary! If you’re interested, I hope to read about some of your cool languages soon!

[terrence-silver]

would you write something about reader who has baby fever but isn’t dating Terry, she works very closely with him, and he starts picking up how much she wants to have a baby

Fringe Benefits

Terry Silver x Reader

—

Each of his future employees got this questionnaire.

It was standard procedure, they said.

Basic inquiries, you supposed. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing you haven’t encountered before. Qualifications. Education level. Past recommendations. Experience level. Why you wanted to work here in particular. Why you considered yourself a reliable member of a team — specifically his team. Your devotion. Devotion, you thought. What did that even mean exactly? Your marital status. Family. Children. Whether you planned any. What you brought to Cobra Kai. To Cobra Kai’s table, that is. What you could offer. The memory of circling each response on the interview application still lingered in your mind like a hazy fog, more so when you sat opposite of him, separated by a black, sleek work desk, immaculately organized and entirely minimalist to a pristine level; something both disorienting and weirdly comforting about the basic aesthetic layout of the dojo gym grounds and the offices adjoined to it, all blue and red neons, creating a vaguely purple sense of womb-like dimness — Terry Silver’s eyes carefully assessing your application paper right before his gaze shot back up at you, speaking with immaculate distinction, yet with ease, like he wasn’t in a hurry whatsoever. You were merely after the job of a junior intern — a starting position; someone who handles basic paperwork, greets people at the registry, makes themselves useful wherever and however is required of them, still, everything felt like you were aiming after the most important position in the world. Perhaps due to the fact there was nobody here and the place felt liminal. Intense. Like you were given every bit of attention contained in the universe by a single person.

-"Most employers —"-

He begins.

 -"They’d consider the responses you circled a professional shortcoming."- 

He points his nose at the document next to his tidily clasped hands. You gulp.

-"Reason enough not to give you a job. Hire someone else instead."-

He explains maintaining near unblinking eye contact and part of you, that anxious bit coiling around in your belly was convinced this was a lost cause; he was about to gently tell you you’re not getting the job but that he nonetheless wishes you all the luck elsewhere. The deep sinking of your stomach interrupted only by the sudden tenderness in his features overcast by a crimson shadow of a halogen ceiling pipe above head; not an expression of pity, but one of possibility. His brows shoot up. This wasn’t standard procedure anymore, to your knowledge. The actual owner of a company conducting interviews so personally. One on one. Usually, it was a manager's manager. A secretary. Someone almost random in the hierarchy of things, giving off the basic impression that these job openings were merely formal and that the empty spots were long since filled and that everyone who came along to these interviews was going to be rejected anyway and they didn’t really care who does the rejecting so long the impression is given they’re actively searching for new staff. But, this guy? His personal investment in this almost daunted you. Was this some sort of marketing trick for his newly opening dojos? To make him seem relatable? Approachable? Humble enough to do this himself?

 -"But, me? Cobra Kai?"- 

Terry Silver’s stare flickers with delight.

-"I actually see it as a perk!"- 

He smiles with a weird innocence, momentarily distracting you from the fact you still had no clue what part of your application elicited such a positive surprise in him. You supposed you just had to go ahead and ask. Something about him instilled a sense of amicable disposition in you.

-"What do you mean, sir?"-

Before the question even passes over the threshold of your mouth, his index finger extends forward, landing precisely on the circled answer about whether or not you plan on getting pregnant any time soon. Your eyes meet. -"Kids."- He’s suddenly serious, chewing that word like it was a morsel intended to be juiced. -”You want them.”- He adds flatly and you weren’t certain if it was an accusation, praise, a mere statement or something he wanted you to further explain yourself on. His finger holds your circled answer hostage, refusing to move from the paper’s surface. Holding it there so long you had ample time to notice the sapphire pinkie ring finger on his hand. -"Says it right here."- He further assesses and once again, it was so hard to read him. His meaning. If he was pleased by this or not. You choose the best policy to appease him regardless of his mood; by being centrist and entirely politically correct. Trying to say everything and nothing. You really needed this job. You didn’t want to flunk it just because your circled an application answer that implied that maybe, perhaps, just maybe, you’d have kids. -"Well, one day, yes. Sure. Not right now, but I’m leaving my options open for anything. Everything."- You shrug, going for honesty of the most inoffensive kind. He actually flashes you a smile full of teeth. His whole face smiling with him in a net of wrinkles. It hits you then that in spite of his age, he was quite handsome. In fact, his age enhanced him. Made him seem warm. Paternal. Well lived. -"Good."- He coos at you, content. -"Because we’re all about devotion here. Dedication. Working with young people. Investing in the future."- There it was. That slightly baffling word again. Devotion. You say nothing. Choosing to listen instead. Avoid weakening your chances here. The fringe benefits were quite stellar from what you’ve discovered. Amazing healthcare, for one. -"And someone who sees a major plus in having kids of their own? That’s exactly the type of people we need. Means they’re built from the right kind of stuff."- A flash of determination overtakes his features and for a moment, you see him grit his teeth. -"I see."- You fill the gap between dialogues with a filler line and he chuckles, somewhat amused, catching you doing it. This place. Disorienting in spite of the AC unit nowhere to be seen, yet you could feel the cool air blowing in from somewhere from within this state-of-the-art, hypermodern setting where every utility seemed tactically hidden.

-"Don’t you wanna know what kind of stuff the right kind is?"- 

You catch a hint of teasing in his tone and you find yourself slightly embarrassed, nodding wordlessly.

Felt like a child examined in class.

-"The type who’s prepared to dedicate their life to something greater than themselves. A belief. A creed. A legacy."- 

He enlightens you.

You could guess what the dojo’s philosophy more or less was in vague terms — it was a dojo, after all and the man in front of you was a triple black belt Sensei in his own right and a Vietnam war vet from what you’ve heard, but you weren’t here to lay down life and limb to larp The Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon with anyone. You just wanted to do paperwork for a decent salary with your employer imbued with the knowledge, that hey, he might have to organize paid maternity leave for you and find a replacement for you in case that ever actually happens. Figuratively, of course. You maintain a serious composure, feeling something you weren’t supposed to feel; scared. Curious. Interested. The fervor with which he spoke? You cross your legs underneath the table and you could swear, for the briefest of moments, Terry Silver’s eyelids flutter down, towards your seat, catching you do it. -"I’m not that impassioned, Mr. Silver. I’m sorry. I just don’t mind the idea of having children one day, in the near or distant future, when all the puzzle pieces fall into their place, if all the puzzle pieces fall into their place, and I’m willing to be transparent enough about it within the context of a work place environment so no surprises happen, is all. I’m not raising the next Spartan army, though. Hope that isn’t a disappointing answer."- You find yourself shrugging once more, this time on instinct, keeping calm, wondering why on earth you were justifying yourself so badly anyway. Sure, you did a basic Google search on this place. And on him. Terry Silver didn’t have any children of his own in the first place. No marriages under his belt either. You almost expected bigwigs like him to have several of each. You weren’t judging, you just felt it was peculiar. He was more than good looking too. So, why was this such a huge topic, anyway? Was this even allowed? He kept the questions about your qualifications to a minimal and then — he laughs, apparently delighted by your response.

 -"Oh, not at all!"- 

He shakes his head, blue eyes practically shimmering.

This felt like one of those weird dreams people tended to have; the type that were almost entirely inexplicable.

-"Cobra Kai isn’t going to let you go or terminate your contract or penalize you if anything unexpected happens. Not my policy. We take care of our own."- 

The tension in your back drops hearing that, almost as if a certain weight was lifted from them.

For a man, Terry Silver was as understanding about maternity as a woman would be.

And then he cocks his head to the side.

-"Wouldn’t be very fair play and Spartan if we didn’t, would it?"-

Clearly, your comment entertained him enough for him to repeat it back to you, producing a new piece of document from a drawer and setting it down in front of you alongside a sleek, perfectly jet black pen. Everything here was black. His suit. His desk. His walls. His floors. His ceilings. You weren’t certain if there were any windows. Difficult to tell. Amidst all that neon lit darkness, the pristine white paper stands out, almost burning. A white block of ice. Matching his pale face and gray hair, briefly resembling a clay death mask. -"Just one last form to fill. Right here. Some final questions and you’re as good as set. Monday sound good?"- His finger points once again, down the dotted line, spilling out information so fast that it took you a second to register the fact he was effectively letting you know you got the job while you were too busy looking at what his finger was showing you on yet another questionnaire, your eyes falling on the first of many inquires. One in particular catching your notice, causing your breath to hitch.

- DO YOU TAKE BIRTH CONTROL?

—

You weren’t certain how you ended up in Terry Silver’s bed.3

All you knew is that you wanted to.

It was so easy.

Too easy.

It began with a deep yearning; observing a class for students between ages 3-5 five taking their first steps in Kata on the studio’s mat and Terry doing circles around the dojo, assessing their stances, their movements, how they held their tiny arms, their tiny bodies, the enthusiasm in their eyes. His voice was in your ear once he did a full spin throughout the length of his own domain, encompassing everything like a satellite, keen eyes missing nothing, finding himself next to you and your place at the counter, checking filled application forms and the schedule of classes, while fists punched through the air in unison. Exactly thirty two young students working like perfectly tuned clock work. Funny how kids that small could achieve such discipline. Your heart almost ached. -"Natural, raw talent. Gotta start when they’re young."- He chuckles from next to you, observing his handiwork from a relative distance, giving his small acolytes time to spread out. -"Don’t you just get emotional watching them train?"- His eyes dazzle your way, accompanied by a smile and something within your twists as you nod wordlessly, keeping your attention on your folders and files, suppressing the voice inside of you.

 Yeah, wish I had my own, it says.

The months that ensue get harder. It was always the opposite for everyone else, you supposed. The more time they spend at a place of employment, the more the novelty wore off and things tended to settle into their place, but you? You grow restless, leaving the toilet having recovered from an unbidden fit of tears during your lunch break, possibly the second such concealed outburst within just one work week alone, finding no particular reason as to why it happened. Why it kept happening. Nobody was unkind to you here. Quite the contrary. Everyone was like a newfound friend or family, but maybe that’s what made things so difficult; the fact that when you went home every evening, you’d find yourself all alone with nobody to care for. You didn’t even have time to tend to a pet. A cat. A dog. And this wouldn’t be the only occasion he’s cornered you on the topic either. Terry Silver had this uncanny ability to decipher you as upset regardless how craftily you sought to hide it and continue with your work. -"I know what bothers you and I can help."- He corners you in the empty foyer. One thing you learned about him with certainty that he had this habit of invading people's personal spaces. Invading your personal space. Standing too close. The most baffling thing, though --- how much you didn't mind, even as you kept your head bent, gaze averted. You didn't want him to see how obvious it was that you cried even though were certain he guessed.

In spite of that, you fail to recoil once his hand lands on your stomach.

He's done this before. You've let him.

-"Fill the gap right there."-

He whispers and it sends a shiver down your spine.

He came with a proposition a few weeks ago and suddenly, all those peculiar inquires on the job interview questionnaire started to make an awful lot of sense. Too much, in fact. He wasn't just being nosy and scoping out whether or not you'd get impromptu pregnant and leave your own spot vacant for God knows how long. No. It was infinitely more than that. He told you that if you had an itch, he was lending himself available to scratch it. You still haven't given him a yes or no answer on the topic, though and by the looks of it, the devil has come to collect his dues. -"I’m sorry, Mr. Silver, I —"- You stutter, going for avoidance, trying to wiggle out from the closeness of his proximity, but his arm comes up leaning against the wall, cutting your way off.   Already, in your mind, you could see tangled limbs, a spine bending forward and his fingers travelling up your back. Instead, you get a voice. His. You inhale sharply once his thumb came up, caressing the outline of your cheek, the slightest remnant of moisture dabbed again by his lingering touch. You weren't sure how to label your relationship with him. Terry had yet another uncanny gift. The ability to make himself disconcertingly close to someone with little to no effort. You've been fucking the man for three months now and god knows why. Why you craved it. Why it felt right. Confusing, but right. Letting your boss hit it raw? What do you even call that? Stupidity? Desire? Falling in love? Being manipulated? -"Ambition requires it’s sacrifices, doesn’t it? Even small, day-to-day ambitions. The ambitions of a Junior Intern. The sacrifice being family. The fact that I can tell there’s no place you’d rather be right now than at home with someone."- His touch touches your earlobe and you close your eyes.

You haven't been doing good lately.

He caught on.

Thing was, you weren't a girl anymore.

You were still young but you were entering that stage in life were every year mattered more and more. Your contract with Cobra Kai alone was one for two years and you imagined it expiring and you once again having nothing. Going home and finding your apartment empty. Would you have time to build something for yourself? Build anything at all? Instead, Terry Silver's arms were right there. Warm. Inviting. So hard to resist. Bearing the promise of everything you that seemed so close, yet so far out of reach.

-"You want me."-

He coos tenderly. You resist, shaking your head, refusing to open your eyes.

-"No."-

-"You want me."-

He repeats himself with more vigor. More conviction.

No. No. No!

-"This is crazy! I don’t wanna get knocked up at work by my boss who’s twenty years my senior!"-

Instinctively, your hands come up feebly, attempting to serve as a shield between your own body and his, only to get caught and trapped by his grip, fingers grabbing wrists, pulling you closer to him. His smile is shark-like. Sharp. -"Thirty."- He corrects with ease, seeming proud of himself. -"Thirty years your senior."- You didn't know what to say to that. Somehow, it made things worse. The guts inside of your belly tighten with ache. You feel it vibrate between your legs. It was hormones. All hormones, you tell yourself. Hormones had the habit of being senseless and dumb like that. Terry Silver was the one giving you your salary, he was old enough to be your grandfather and he was offering to get you pregnant. For your sake, as he claimed. For his own too. You wanted the same things, he explained. So, why not complete each other's long-standing yearnings? Wasn't that what loyalty was all about? What better foundation for an alliance? A relationship, he asked? Suddenly, he lifts his arm, freeing you. -"And why not? You can leave any time. You still haven't."- His eyes flare up with the light of challenge. You were being taunted and tested and you realized as much, finding your body growing stiff, legs refusing to move. So, why didn't you leave? This was technically sexual harassment at the workplace. Yet, you reveled in it. Consented to it. His offer was tantalizing, the way a cup of fresh spring water was to the someone dying of thirst. Your lips part. The thought of having someone completely your own. Cradling them in your arms. Was that so bad? Instead of your belly, the palm of his hand travels lower, cupping you between your legs. -"It would make you happy and you know it."- He murmurs and you didn't have the strength to fight it. You let him continue. He squeezes you ever so lightly, until you felt an internal pressure tickle you from the inside. The type that craved to be filled. -"And I told you the very first day you walked into my office. In Cobra Kai, we’re all about devotion. Taking care of of our own."- He reminds and you lean your head back, allowing yourself to enjoy the sensation, feeling the back of your neck comfortably hit the wall.

-"I didn’t think you’d be so literal!"-

You mutter, breathlessly, letting him do his special magic.

Rubbing you through the material of your trousers.

His cock in his other free hand, pulled out of the thick, black material of his Gi.

-"I’m always literal."-

He clarifies.

You knew as much now.

Knew well enough to take him seriously.

More seriously than anyone before.

You wanted him. Wanted him to knock you up. Crude, but truthful.

-"Let me help you."- He groans, unzipping your trousers, only to spread your legs, slither his hands behind you and grab you by your ass, lifting you up against the wall, fingers digging into tender flesh with bruising ardor. You moan and yelp. Maybe it was you being touch starved, starved for love, in need of sex, missing companionship, but the fact you were about to impale yourself on his cock in the middle of the corridor seemed of little consequence. It was a Friday evening. Past working hours. -"Let me fix everything. All you have to do is be willing to receive it. Receive me."- Terry speaks against your open mouth and you mumble into his, already seeing the future unfold. Feeling it on his breath. The warmth of his tongue. -"I'm willing."- You babble, eyes half-lidded, fumbling with the elastic lace trim of your undergarment, lowering it, giving him entry, feeling yourself wet. -"What was that?"- He teases, tone beaming seriousness, asking you repeat yourself. You do. Anything. You'd do anything. Funny how quickly a person could go from being level-headed and logical to throwing all caution to the wind, you thought. -"I'm willing to receive it."- You almost plead. He pulls back. Momentarily, the warm haze he emanated was lost and you find craving it. Craving it back like nothing you've ever craved before. You could see it so clearly now. His hand tracing the outline of your swollen belly, smiling down at you and unwittingly, your mouth moves with a will of its own. -"Sir."- Terry instructs, unblinking, his cock stroking itself against the lips of your cunt. -"Sir."- You eagerly mimic his words, ready to devour the very air you shared, the distance between you nonexistent. -"You know how some schmucks out there claim they know the exact moment of conception?"- Terry chuckles in between wet kisses, his tip finding it's way between your Labia guided by his hand. You're sloppy, loose and ready for him. -"Well, I always thought that's a load of crap."- He adds, grunting once he nestles himself inside of you, driving you further up the wall, your legs flying up, on either side of his shoulders, held by one free arm. It was astounding how he could expertly hold his balance and your own too and not falter.

He picks up his pace and for once, you smile.

Never in a million years would you think Cobra Kai's workplace contractual fringe benefits would involve this.

-"I just plan to fuck you until I see some tangible results."-

He seethes and now there was a plan you could agree with.

[diapydemon]

Hey everyone, this story is a bit of a departure from what I normally write for a few reasons:

Firstly, this story is the first I’ve written that takes place in an AU.

Also, this story takes place in the CLASSIFIED world, in which people are classified as Littles, Caregivers, or Neutrals depending on certain factors.

Other stories in this universe that I think are definitely worth the read are

Brutal_Ink’s Classified: A New Life on dailydiapers.com

And

@destinedfordiapers series Sammy’s Little Problem

I think this universe offers something special that appeals to the more wholesome little inside, so I hope that everyone enjoys this contribution to the AU!!

——————————————————————————-

Classified: Punk Rock Little

Chapter 1

Miles felt the sweat drip down his forehead as he shredded the guitar and screamed into the mic. The metallic studs on his punk bracelets gleamed in the multicolored strobe lights that doused the stage in an electric heat. His sleeveless black leather jacket stuck to his sweaty skin, but none of that mattered.

None of that mattered because he felt like a rockstar. No, Miles was a rockstar! Miles grinned as he felt the electrifying rush of performing in front of a screaming crowd. Somehow, time seemed to stand still and speed past like a bullet while Miles was in this tantalizing state.

Before Miles realized it, he found himself guzzling a water bottle backstage with his bandmates post-performance. He looked between them, feeling an overwhelming wave of gratitude wash over him; there was no one in the world he’d rather rock out with; these people were like his family.

“Great show tonight guys!” Riley said, “We really killed it out there!” Riley, the drummer and only Caregiver in the band, always offered encouragement and praise after the band’s performances. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that Riley was the glue that held the band together.

“Hell yeah we did,” Dylan said from his sprawled position on the black leather couch, “We’re rising stars, we are!”

“Rockstars, you could say,” Lindsay smirked to the rest of the group.

An ominous knock interrupted the conversation before Miles could contribute any hype of his own.

“Now who the fuck could that be?” Dylan raised an eyebrow.

“Probably a fan that snuck past security,” Lindsay shrugged, “Let’s just enjoy this post-show-glow moment together while we have it, whatcha say guys?”

The mystery guest knocked on the door even louder this time. “Open up!” A gruff voice demanded.

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s a fan,” Riley got up to open the door, “Might as well see what they want.”

The door opened to reveal a man in a black suit and tie who –admittedly– looked very out of place at a rock concert.

“Agent Michael Strumming with the CLASS agency,” He flashed a badge that instantly shifted the power dynamics of the room, “I’m looking for Miles Miller. I’m assuming he’s here.”

While none of Miles’s bandmates explicitly pointed Miles out, they might as well have with the darting of their eyes towards him.

Miles sighed before rising to his full height, “I’m Miles Miller. What do you want?”

“Some manners would be a nice start,” Agent Strumming mumbled under his breath before continuing.

“I’m here to inform you that our system flagged you as an individual who hasn’t yet completed their CLASS assessment. Given that you’re a… special case,” he glanced around the room at Miles and his bandmates, “I’m here to issue you a formal warning that you have exactly ninety days to complete the CLASS assessment before legal action is pursued.”

“Here,” Agent Strumming handed Miles an envelope, “You can complete this questionnaire and bring it to the address enclosed within to get your bloodwork done.”

“Well,” Agent Strumming glanced at the aspiring rock stars through slitted eyelids, “My business here is concluded, so I’ll be taking my leave.”

“Holy shit Miles, you haven’t taken the CLASS exam yet?” Dylan inquired, “Aren’t you like twenty-two? Why have you been putting it off so long?”

“Maybe Miles is scared he’s a Little,” Lindsay laughingly teased, “After all he did have ice cream for breakfast last week.”

“I’m a rockstar,” Miles groaned, “I can have whatever I want for breakfast.”

“Miles,” Riley’s tone became more serious, “It’s dangerous for a lot of reasons to have put off the CLASS exam so long. It sounds like your budding fame just barely saved you from being sent to a detention center.”

“Or a behavioral correction facility if Miles here really is a Little,” Lindsay giggled, relishing teasing her bandmate.

“I’m not a Little!” Miles shouted as he clenched his fists so hard that his fingernails dug into his palms, “I’m probably just a neutral like Dylan and Lindsay.”

“Maybe,” Riley conceded, “but you should still do your CLASS assessment. Not like you can be a rockstar from inside a detention center…”

“Fine,” Miles huffed.

“Tell you what,” Riley offered Miles a smile, “How about I swing by the house and make everybody blueberry pancakes just like I used to when I lived there. Then I’ll drive you to the lab to get your bloodwork done.”

“I don’t need you to drive me,” Miles muttered.

“No, but it’d be fun to hangout. Just like old times, right?”

Miles blinked. Ever since Ryley moved out to get more space for –maybe– adopting a little (if she was even serious about that), Miles conceded that he missed her sandy blonde hair, her gentle hazel eyes, and the sleek curves of her form. Miles never admitted that though, because that would make him a simp, and being a simp is NOT punk rock.

“Miles?” Riley sprung him from his thoughts, “Does that sound good?”

——————————————————————————

As Always, characters depicted are 18+

Chapter 2 should be out in a few days time (unless there’s already a link to it posted).

[notquiteaghost]

insane how easy it is to do simple tasks when you actually get out of bed to do them

ok. ok!!!

make more coffee & also a meal

eat the meal

fill in form

reply with form to email

then go on a walk

[dearunreliablenarrator]

Order In! a WIP Wednesday Questionnaire!

as food is a big theme in my works, i'd like to have my first tag game revolve around that topic...so here are my questions for your OCs and here are how my characters lives revolve around food. Dislikes, favorites and everything in between!

the host seats these customers first! @the-golden-comet, @rumeysawrites, @lady-grace-pens, @sableglass,

@daily-haley, @dyrewrites, @sliceoflifeshepard, @seastarblue , @theverumproject,

@saturnine-saturneight, @helpmeimblorboing, @leave-a-message19, @leahnardo-da-veggie, @kaeru483, and we always take walk ins!

what is one comfort meal that'll change your whole mood for the day?

If cream of wheat has a million followers, I'm one of them. If cream of wheat has one follower, it's me. and god forbid cream of wheat has zero...zilch...nada followers, then i'm dead. I formally request that you bury me with several packets, milk, sugar and those tiny cups of sweet cream creamer before you lower me six feet under. -Grace, CUTS

what is an experience (good or bad) that has turned you off or on to a food completely?

Fuck shrimp, I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I've had them come to me one to many time with the poop sack still inside. And it probably doesn't help that I went to town on a handful before i freaked out realized the mistake, at least I got a voucher for a free trip to Vegas. And what about the sister's babies, who's gonna look after them if fishermen keep catching them; the uncle already has to work a second shift to put food on the table? Elaine -WTRB

if you could eliminate one piece of produce, meat, dairy or sweets off the earth what would it be?

Avocados...that is all. -Clive, CUTS

and dessert is normally saved for last, but if you could what would you order for your entree at a restaurant?

Ooh, a mixed berry dump cake will always be on my order ticket. I mean how can you not enjoy the sweet jammy fruits buried under a fluffy crumble of shortbread like biscuit dough. Ugh, and then its smothered in a sweet sweet and tangy lemon icing, and maybe a little side of vanilla bean ice cream. If the lord permits, I'd have it for every meal. And no one, I mean no one compares to the one my mama makes! -Amara, EE

and if you'd like a refill on your drinks or a to go box, here are some extras...

-what are some food fusions that should never be mixed? -what food spot are you gatekeeping and why? -cooking is a life skill, why haven't you started learning yet!? -is there a smell that reminds you of something you never want to remember?

[demontobee]

Autism and Invalidation

I just can’t believe how QUICK people are to invalidate your experience. Which is why it is so important to learn to love and validate yourself.

I was diagnosed with autism earlier last year, because I had done tons of research on the topic and I had gone through the arduous process of finding a place to get the assessment done. During this process, I constantly doubted myself, and I went through loops and loops of feeling like an impostor but also the need to get answers. The assessment process itself was hard on my self-confidence as well, since I felt weird and out-of-place as an afab person assessed by the white male boy standards of autism research. Nevertheless, I got my diagnosis after weeks of filling out questionnaires and feeling uncomfortable in interviews. Having a formal diagnosis relieved me to some extent, but it has not yet cured me from self-doubt and the feeling of shame that washes over me at the thought of feigning it just to get attention, to belong somewhere, to have answers. Since I got the diagnosis, I have made huge changes in my life, which has been wonderful and terrifying at once, and I’ve had more meltdowns than I can count. And I should be proud. I have managed to overcome hurdles like my life-long comfort zone, I am trying to set boundaries and I want to find out what really makes me happy, what I was made for.

And it is exactly this achievement that makes other people doubt the validity of my experience as an autistic person.

My current therapist, who has no specific expertise in autism (especially not in afab queer autistic beans), told me last week that she thinks I was misdiagnosed. Why? Because I am able to handle change so well, because I am a very reflected person who knows exactly what their problems are and how I am harming myself, because I am able to think critically about my parents and the way they raised and treated me. An autistic person, it seems, would not be able to so that.

Bullshit.

You know how I am able to do all these things that she apparently thinks are reserved for neurotypical people? I have been teaching myself, in an ongoing and nerve-wrecking process, how to handle change. I have been working on loving myself and respecting myself enough to want to make changes that benefit me and my well-being. Setting boundaries is a hard and heart-breaking process for me. It doesn’t come naturally to me and I often feel lonely or guilty. For as long as I can remember, my mind has been going round and round reflecting on my actions, other people’s reactions, normal behavior and so on. Reflecting for me is not a skill that proves how “normal” I am, it is a survival strategy. And it is about time I put it to good use instead of fueling my anxiety and my self-criticism with it.

Just because you are developing skills that help you learn to love and validate yourself does not mean your experience as an autistic person is not valid. Formally diagnose or not. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

[yourultraarchive]

Understanding class assignments in UA and Japanese schools in general

In the Student Template Questionnaire, there is one particular question I realized had never been addressed, that I think a lot of people should understand the nuances of!

What school/class or organization do they belong to?

This is the question that fills out the "Affiliation" line of the "Personal Data" section student template:

So, if your character is a student, what class should they be a part of?

First of all, let's talk about structure:

Japanese high school is only 3 years, unlike American high school which is usually 4. (I'm sure other countries are different too, but I'm assuming most of the people who visit this blog are American-centric.) Given that, that means Izuku and his friends in their first year of high school are actually in the equivalent of American 10th grade, which is usually in the 14-15 year old age range.

Unlike American high school, where students are separated by class schedule and students have to leave the classroom every period to physically go to their next class (ie. you have Chemistry in first period and History in fifth period, but your friend from Chemistry in first period could have Art in fifth period instead), with the class rosters changing every semester, Japanese high school students are assigned one class (like 1-A or 1-B, or so on) which they stick to for the rest of their school career. This means they have the same classmates every single year, which is why the homeroom teacher is so central--they ALSO stick around for the entirety of the students' school careers! Homeroom teachers are more than teachers, they're more like parents or guardians relationship-wise, and keeping the same one throughout the students' school career lets them build trust, enough so that if the student is having any personal issues, they'd feel comfortable talking to their homeroom teacher about it. (As an aside, as well, usually these classes stay in one single classroom too, with the exception of classes that need special facilities like PE or Home Ec, which really drives home the idea that "Homeroom" really is supposed to be "home" for both the students and teacher! And unlike in American high school, the students don't change classrooms every period--the teachers do!)

The classrooms are not actually physically labelled, so 1-A is not a classroom number assigned to a specific room. The names of these family-like classroom units are designated by the YEAR the students are in, with the letter just being their assigned grouping. (AKA they're the first 20 students so they get "A", and the next 20 students get designated "B", and so on.)

Student numbers (ie. Izuku being student no.18) and seating order are determined by alphabetical order. Specifically Japanese alphabetical order.

So what does that all mean for Class 1-A?

Formally, they're not actually called Class 1-A, they're actually just Class A. They're 1-A because this is their first year of high school (which, as mentioned before, is the equivalent of American 10th grade, but if you were going to use American terms, it'd be more accurate to call them "freshmen" instead of "sophomore" like 10th graders are supposed to be), but when they move on to the next school year, they don't keep that name. In their second year of high school, they'd be Class 2-A, and in their final year of high school, they'd be Class 3-A!

So, for example, the Big Three being in class 3-B? That means that when they were first-years, they were in class 1-B! (That being said, the "A" and "B" and so on are not the designation of student ranking, like the UA entrance exam scoreboard might lead you to believe--I had a few friends who thought that, but it's not actually the case that 1-A has stronger or smarter or just overall higher-ranked members than 1-B. It's random, just like any other high school rosters are made! It just seems like 1-A has a lot of powerhouses because they're the main characters, but that's not to say 1-B is any less skilled or powerful than them. If this all was the case, I highly doubt our esteemed Big Three trio would have been in Class 1-B all the way up to 3-B!)

This also applies to the other classes, like the Support Course or Gen Ed. They may be labelled "1-C" or "1-E" or whatever else, but again, those Letter designations are just their grouping, not their ranking within the school, especially since it would have been really hard to quantify if the Support Couse was less powerful than the Hero Course. UA just happened to designate the first 40 students as Hero Course, the next 60 as Gen Ed, and etc etc for Business and Support too.

As for the student order within the classrooms themselves? Again, not a determination of power, it's just a simple matter of alphabetical order by last name. If you're standing at the front of the classroom looking out at the desks, the seating arrangement starts at the leftmost side of the room ("A" names), going front to back (not left to right like Americans might!), and then going to the next row to the right, and so on. (In the following image taken from the MHA wiki, the "front left" of the classroom is Aoyama, and the "bottom right" is Momo. Though keep in mind that the alphabetical order here is based on the Japanese alphabet, not the American one.)

Now, what does that mean for YOUR characters?

Well, if you want to have your characters be in the same class as the canon characters, certainly feel free to put them in 1-A or 1-B! (Keep in mind though that class sizes in Japan tend to stick around 20, but you can play by your own rules for your own story/rp/whatever.) However, if you want them to be in the same class as the canon 1-A but you've listed your character as 17? They wouldn't be in 1-A, they'd probably be 3-A. (17 is a bit of a nebulous age though, so it depends on what year you'd have them in--if they're "seniors", they'd absolutely be in their 3rd year, but if you think they have another year of schooling ahead of them, maybe put them in 2-A?)

If you want to put them in their own class entirely instead of bunching them in with the canon 1-A or 1-B? Make a whole new classroom if you want! Assign them to 1-C (and push back the Gen Ed Course and the others another letter, if you plan to involve them) since the courses seem to be grouped together and it'd be weird to have a new Hero Course be assigned 1-L or something when the others are A and B--though you could do that if you want to! Up to you!

Similarly, if your character isn't in the Hero Course at all, assign them a different classroom like 1-C or 1-H or whatever! (I don't remember which letters were assigned to each course, but I'm sure you can look it up if you really want to know it rather than making up the assignments for yourself.)

Also, if your character doesn't go to UA at all? The same rules apply. Shiketsu High School and all the rest have their own 1-A, 2-B, etc. And even middle school has the same structure, since like high school, it's also 3 years! Izuku and Bakugou would have been in year 3 of middle school at the start of the series.

Finally, regarding the seating order: I see a lot of people put their characters at the end/last row of the classroom, should they be added to the canon classes, which is totally okay of course! But if you want your character to be there from the start, they'd probably have their own permanent seat number. If you plan on using the Japanese alphabet arrangement, just look at a Japanese kana chart and see where they would go in the roster--for instance, if Kojiro Bondo from 1-B were in 1-A, his seat would be right between Bakugou and Midoriya (because "ho/bo" comes after "ha/ba", and both of those come before any M names).

If you don't plan to use the Japanese alphabetical order, then you can feel free to use the English order if you like (especially if you're not mixing with the canon classes which already have their own established orders you may not want to mess with) or, as with American high schools, don't use an order at all and let the students just sit where they want. Up to you!

Hopefully that helps you understand how to enroll your character in school!

One last note? This is specifically for character designing more than development, but each department has its own school uniform! It's very subtle, but the epaulettes (I think that's what they're called?), lapels, and cuffs of the uniform jackets all have different stripe designs and arrangements/number of buttons!

That's all for now. Hope these tips help!

[robotsandjunk]

ID LIKE TO SEE THE SHOCKWAVE DICK SUCKING EXPERIMENT..M IF YOU ARE INTERESTED... ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS ERMM--- His dick needs to be sucked very much- BEEP BOOP

Ok so the Shockwave dick sucking experiment, so his idea for the experiment originated with him noticing that his partners seemed to really enjoy sucking his spike and because he doesn’t have a mouth of his own he wanted to figure out whether the act of sucking a spike was pleasurable or not.

Initially he just recorded when he got his spike sucked but he’s into watching himself so he kept getting distracted every time he watched them back, because of this he decided it was time for a formal experiment .

He started with creating a collection of false spikes ranging in three sizes based of Cybertronian averages and then made spikes of each size with different additions that are naturally occurring for Cybertronians, so for example spike A:1 would be above average size with ridges. These spike were created to be as close to the real thing as possible, including a simulated overload. He then had several participants come in and first had them answer a questionnaire regarding their preferences, previous partners and previous partners spike, whether they enjoyed spike sucking as an act, and how they would describe the act as feeling. These questions acted as his baseline

In the practical phase of the experiment Shockwave had each participant suck one spike a day until they’d tried all of them and noted their physical reactions to sucking the spike using personal observation and things like thermal cameras and a device to measure charge levels (they were also filmed for later analysis). The participants were then also interviewed after every session about the false spike and whether they enjoyed sucking it. (He also allowed the participants to use him to dispel any charge that was built up during the experiment but that isn’t relevant)

At the end of the experiment Shockwave has the answer to his question whats it like to suck dick and is it fun? (Ans: sometimes, depends on the person and the spike) as well as a folder full of various bots sucking various spikes. The participants were paid for their services to science as well as being able to keep their favourite spike from the experiment

[sixty-silver-wishes]

you don't understand I need to talk about shostakovich's antiformalist rayok because HOLY SHIT

okay. so.

I've been wanting to talk about rayok for a while because it's truly mind-blowing what rayok is. hell, it's mind-blowing, considering the circumstances, that we know about rayok. and it's even more mind-blowing what we don't know about rayok. this is probably one of the most impressive works by shostakovich when you really dig into it, just because of how ridiculously multilayered it is. there are scholarly essays and research conducted on this piece because the rabbit hole that is rayok just goes so fucking deep that in order to fully understand it, you need to know a decent bit about music, russian history, the russian language, the relationship between the soviet government and the artistic sphere, etc. I'll mainly be citing manashir yabukov's essay on it in rosamund bartlett's "shostakovich in context," because while there are many publications about this piece, this one is especially comprehensive.

so. what is rayok. WELL.

the antiformalist rayok, simply put, is a shitpost. less simply put, it's a satirical cantata by dmitri shostakovich. it lampoons stalin- and post-stalin era political officials who attempted to interfere with the artistic, particularly musical, culture of the soviet union. shostakovich essentially argues in this piece that political figures have no business policing the arts, especially when they have little to know artistic knowledge themselves.

the way "rayok" works is sort of like a soviet musical SNL skit. there are four characters at a conference on "realism and formalism in music" (sometimes played by the same singer) who are all caricatures of a specific political figure or idea, imitating these figures in a mocking, ridiculous way. the characters are the announcer, who introduces the other three, "yedinitsyn," who represents stalin, "dvoikin," who represents andrei zhdanov, head of the central committee propaganda department of the USSR, and "troikin," who represents zhdanov's successor, dmitri shepilov. shostakovich caricatures each of these figures through references to quotes or speaking patterns, musical quotations, or satirizing their ideologies. for instance, yedinitsyn's (stalin's) verse is often sung in a georgian accent (stalin was a native of georgia), the music quotes the folk song "suliko" (said to be stalin's favorite song), and the text is repetitive without saying anything, parodying stalin's manner of delivering speeches. (an example of a line- "formalist composers are formalist because they write formalist music")

nobody knows quite when rayok was written, or if shostakovich was the sole author. we know that shostakovich often performed it in private gatherings with close friends, but the authorship of the text is disputed. shostakovich wrote the music, but it's contested who wrote the words- shostakovich's friend isaak glikman claimed that shostakovich was the sole author, while another friend, lev lebedinsky, claims he had a hand in writing the text. (many of lebedinsky's other claims have come into dispute.) interestingly, rayok is referenced in "testimony," the highly controversial supposed memoir of shostakovich, which was published before the piece became known to the wider public. it's assumed that shostakovich started working on "rayok" around 1948, and continuously added onto it into the 1960s. along with the piece itself, shostakovich also wrote a hilarious preface (which I'll get into later) and a sarcastic questionnaire to go with it, perhaps as a nod to ideological exams that were required in schools.

so, what does the title "antiformalist rayok" mean? that requires some historical context. "formalism" was a term used to describe art considered unacceptable by the soviet government, and was used most often from the 30s to the early 50s. it originated from the term in academic analysis which meant interpreting a work of art by its "form," or removed from the context intended by the author. formalist analysis was popular in the late 1920s, a more liberal time in soviet history that gave rise to an avant-garde art movement. as such, by the 30s, art considered "formalist" was deemed "art for art's sake," and was derided as "bourgeois" or "western." the crackdown on the arts was part of a larger cultural campaign under stalin, in which he sought to increase the soviet union's industrial production and differentiate it from the west, both culturally and politically. "antiformalist" art, therefore, was the opposite of "formalist"- safe, patriotic, and easily digestible by the masses. such art was also referred to as "socialist realism." "formalist" artists faced increasing persecution that culminated in the "great purges" of the late 1930s, a campaign that sought to eliminate anyone who could be viewed as a threat to the soviet union through exile, arrest, or execution. people who were purged included stalin's political opponents, artists, accused german spies (often in the military), ethnic minorities, farmers who refused collectivization of their land, and civilians suspected of dissent.

still with me? good.

now, the word "rayok." this is a reference to two concepts- rayok shows, and another piece of classical music called "rayok" by modest mussorgsky, a 19th century russian composer. the original word "rayok" refers to rayok shows- a popular form of entertainment in 18th and 19th century russia, in which rotating figures of people or animals would be displayed inside a fairground box with holes that viewers could look through. a performer called a rayoshnik would rotate the figures in the box with a crank and narrate a story, usually of a satirical nature:

mussorgsky's "rayok" took its name from this form of entertainment. like shostakovich's "rayok," it was a satirical piece, focusing on the conservative musical establishment and its patrons, in which specific people were lampooned, similar to the performances by the rayoshniki. by the 1920s, rayok shows were beginning to die out, but shostakovich (b. 1906) displayed an interest in them. as a reference to these performances, he sometimes jokingly referred to his colleagues in letters with exaggerated diminutives, a common practice in rayok shows- for instance, the composer vissarion shebalin was "shebalalishki." (put a pin in that bit about diminutives. it'll be important later.) shostakovich's title "antiformalist rayok" is therefore a reference to the mussorgsky piece and rayok shows, as well as the concept of "antiformalism."

and if you think that's complicated, that's only the title.

so, let's walk through the piece. again, there are four characters- the announcer, yedinitsyn (stalin), dvoikin (zhdanov), and troikin (shepilov). the names "yedinitsyn, dvoikin, and "troikin" correspond to the words for the numbers one, two, and three in russian. some people speculate that these names do not only refer to the order the characters appear, but also the russian school grading system. in russia, students' assignments are graded on a scale of 1 to 5, with a 1 being the lowest grade, and a 5 being the highest. therefore, these names could potentially be a snide remark on the intelligence of shostakovich's subjects of ridicule. elizabeth wilson also notes that the name "troikin" could be a reference to the nkvd's "troika"- a group of three secret police members tasked with sentencing the accused to imprisonment or death, which would line up with troikin's remarks towards the end of his verse.

"rayok" starts out with the announcer introducing a panel on "realism and formalism in music." he introduces yedinitsyn, who sings over and over again about how "realistic music is written by the people's composers, and formalist music is written by formalist composers." that's it. that's the whole verse. as I said, there's a suliko quotation to tip us off to the fact that this is stalin (shostakovich even lists his full name in the score as I.S. Yedinitsyin- as in Iosif Stalin, removing any doubt of who yedinitsyn represents). the announcer then says, "let us thank our dearly beloved comrade yedinitsyn for his historic speech, and for his exposition, enrichment, and elucidation of complicated issues of the musical sphere." this is typical shostakovichian sarcasm- as seen in his letters, he tends to over-elaborate a statement to communicate distaste or irony. this statement is even funnier when we consider that yedinitsyn did not "elucidate complicated issues" in his verse, but rather repeated the same thing without elaborating. and of course, the ensemble thanks him for his "historic speech" and "fatherly care." the next character up to the stand is comrade dvoikin, and this requires a LOT of historical context to explain. while yedinitsyn is fairly straightforward, dvoikin and troikin are much more multilayered. so again, bear with me as I go on another tangent about soviet history.

in 1946, andrei zhdanov launched a series of denunciations and censorship against soviet writers and poets. by 1948, this expanded to scientists and musicians, in a period known as "zhdanovshchina." among the composers denounced during zhdanovshchina were big names like shostakovich, prokofiev, and khachaturian, as well as a little-known georgian composer named vano muradeli. muradeli had written an opera called "the great friendship," which had come under fire because he had written his own lezghinkas (a kind of caucasian folk dance) for the opera, instead of incorporating "authentic lezghinkas" instead. shostakovich, as one of the most prominent composers to be attacked during zhdanovshchina, was particularly targeted. many of his works were censored, he was fired from his teaching positions at the leningrad and moscow conservatories, and he was pressured into denouncing his own music, resorting to writing banal film scores and ideological pieces to make a living. while no composers were arrested during zhdanovshchina, it still took a heavy toll on many of their lives, shostakovich included. worse yet, after ww2, a wave of anti-semitism in the soviet union began to take hold around the same time, impacting many jewish artists and professionals. some were assassinated, including solomon mikhoels, the father-in-law of mieczyslaw weinberg, a composer and close friend of shostakovich's. (weinberg himself would be arrested on false accusations of zionist conspiracy, but was released from prison after stalin's death.)

so, all that being said, 1948 was a really, really bad time in the soviet union. this is likely when shostakovich began composing rayok, as well as some of his other "desk drawer" pieces that would not be performed until after stalin's death, such as the first violin concerto and the "from jewish folk poetry" song cycle (note- while shostakovich was not jewish, he took a strong stance against anti-semitism, which would be more pronounced in his later years).

as such, zhdanov comes under serious fire in "rayok." many of his speeches are referenced, if not quoted word for word, in "dvoikin's" lines, including where he refers to dissonant and atonal music as a "dental drill" and "a musical gas chamber." these criticisms were leveled by zhdanov at shostakovich's music- the second directed towards his eighth symphony. this was a serious insult considering the time period- the 8th was written in 1943, when the soviet union was at war against nazi germany. in his essay, yabukov points out something interesting- after the ensemble laughs at dvoikin's remarks, a transposed instance of the dsch motif- shostakovich's musical representation of himself- is heard, implying that while zhdanov is laughing at him, shostakovich ultimately gets the last laugh by satirizing him in "rayok." dvoikin is introduced as having the "ability to vocalize" as he sings exaggerated arpeggios, a dig at the fact that zhdanov was said to be a good singer. he stresses how music must be harmonic, beautiful, elegant, etc., until the music does a complete 180 from oversaturated, kitschy romanticism into- of all things- a georgian lezghinka, just like zhdanov denounced muradeli over. he suddenly sings obsessively about how "in caucasian operas, there must be authentic lezghinkas," the caricature exaggerating to ridiculous lengths as he sings (and in some productions, dances) the lezghinka, before the announcer gives the floor to troikin.

troikin. troikin. oh boy, troikin.

while troikin is based on dmitri shepilov, soviet minister of foreign affairs during the khrushchev era, he can be read to represent, in general, the disastrous effects of politicians in the musical sphere. troikin is portrayed as a complete idiot, singing to a simple melody about how "the soviet man is a very complex organism." in my favorite joke in the entire piece, troikin sings the names "glinka, tchaikovsky, rimsky-korsakov" three times in a row- romantic-era russian composers whom soviet composers were encouraged to imitate, in opposition to avant-garde western composers. (note- tchaikovsky is a complicated case when it comes to his legacy in the soviet union, but his music was regarded far more positively after ww2 than before it, due to the increase in russian nationalism during the war to boost morale.) during this part, troikin mispronounces "rimsky-korsakov" as "rimsky-korSAkov" each time, singing to a 3/4 time signature (for you non-music people, that's like a waltz rhythm). the mispronounced syllable falls on a downbeat, making it stand out even more. according to lebedinsky, shostakovich once heard shepilov give a speech, in which he listed off the names of classical and romanticist composers that soviet composers ought to imitate. however, he pronounced "rimsky-korsakov" as "rimsky-korSAkov," and shostakovich thought it was so hilarious that he puts it directly into the spotlight in "rayok." (remember covfefe? it's like covfefe.) and FURTHERMORE, during this "rimsky-korSAkov" bit, shostakovich is quoting a song called "we'll tell you" from a film score called "faithful friends." this film score was written by none other than tikhon khrennikov.

who's tikhon khrennikov, you may ask? khrennikov was the general secretary of the composer's union from 1948, all the way up to the fall of the soviet union in 1991. he played a role in the zhdanovshchina denunciations against shostakovich, but later stated he was pressured into it. whatever the case, shostakovich didn't forgive him, and we'll see another multilayered shot at khrennikov a bit later on.

troikin continues to be a hot mess on stage. he begins listing kinds of music that should be written, but gets stuck on "suites," before giving up entirely and switching to a parody of "kalinka," a popular folk song. this in itself is another joke- troikin knows nothing about classical music, so he switches to a folk song associated with socialist realism, but it's like, one of the most basic ones you can think of. and in these modified "kalinka" lyrics, troikin drops two names- "dzherzhinka" and "tishinka."

okay, remember what I said about rayok shows and how the rayoshniki performers liked to use exaggerated diminutive names as a part of their satirical shows? this is an example of that right here. "dzerzhinka" refers to one ivan dzerzhinsky, a socialist realist composer best known for his opera "quiet flows the don," whom shostakovich was on unfriendly terms with- shostakovich had helped dzerzhinsky with the music for "don," which was upheld as a "proper" soviet opera after the denunciation of shostakovich's own opera, "lady macbeth of the mtsensk district," in 1936.

tishinka, of course, is khrennikov once again, but there's another layer here. "tishinka," as yabukov points out, was also the nickname for the transit prison "matrosskaya tishina," or the "silence of the sailors." but shostakovich uses the words "raskhrenovaya tishinka"- yet another triple play on words. "khrenoviy" means "rotten" or "worthless," "ras," in this context, meaning "completely." and furthermore, "khren"- as in "raskhrenovaya" and "khrennikov," means "horseradish," and can be used as a euphemism for "penis." so essentially, shostakovich is saying, "khrennikov is a fucked-up dick."

so, after the kalinka segment, troikin's tone suddenly changes. he begins singing about being vigilant for the enemies, and consequences for those spreading "bourgeois lies," such as being "sent to the camps" and "extra hard labor in the snow." as the verse goes on, his mask comes off. while he may be a complete idiot, he's dangerous. this is a common theme in shostakovich's works- that stupidity breeds danger, and that the comedic and tragic exist alongside one another. as soon as troikin makes these threats, the music picks up again and becomes circuslike, trivializing the "vigilance, vigilance" theme- but also adding a threatening undertone to the humor, as shostakovich gives us a grave reminder that real people indeed suffered consequences under the ridiculous ideologies posed by the figures behind yedinitsyn, dvoikin, and troikin.

I want to close off this extremely long analysis by mentioning the written preface to rayok and questionnaire by shostakovich. these are somewhat difficult to find both of them. the questionnaire is at the bottom of this page (in russian, but you can autotranslate it) and the preface, in english and russian, can be found here, with notes by scholar elizabeth wilson. it's honestly one of the most hilarious music history tidbits I've ever read, so it's seriously worth checking out. the preface is essentially a fake article about how the script for rayok was "found," and I'm just going to share it in full here because it's just. you have to see it

like. look at these fucking translation notes. dmitri shostakovich made these names. you can't make this up

so like. here it is (in english)

also, this is the best performance of rayok I've ever seen. just. just watch it

would highly recommend reading yabukov's analysis btw. it's WAY more comprehensive than this post, which tbh is just scratching the surface.

[honeybewrites]

OC Questionnaire Tag

Thank you @leahnardo-da-veggie for the tag and @illarian-rambling for the tag!!

Rules: Answer the questions provided with your own OCs perspective. Then create new questions for those tagged to continue the game.

I'm doing 703 for the first tag and Fres for the second, both OCs from EoWC.

First Tag :D

Do you practice self-care? Why or why not?

"I'm not quite sure what that is." *Rage explaining* "Oh, I see. No, I do not. In my line of work that's not really a priority."

Why did you choose your profession?

"I didn't choose it. I was created specifically to fulfill it. Doing anything else was never an option."

If you could get your heart's desire at the cost of killing a thousand people, would you do so? Why?

"I... don't know. I have no qualms about killing. That's not the issue. I just don't know what I really want. I don't really dwell on things that can't be. I suppose if it was something I really wanted, then yes. I can end up killing just as many people for the Mors and be unhappy, or kill the same amount and get something out of it for myself."

Second Tag :D

How would you describe your fashion sense?

"Immaculate. Just kidding! Though I do think I have a pretty good fashion sense. Personally, I like to dress in what you would call romantic style or classic style, depending on how I'm feeling that day. Lots of dresses and skirts and suits. Now when I'm working, gotta have the proper attire and loose clothing like dresses are a no go, so I usually just stick to my body suit then."

What is your level of education?

"Um, complicated? I didn't actually receive any kind of formal education. I did all my learning in the Mors where they trained me. I guess it would be considered basic education? I know math and all those things, but they also taught me the best ways to kill a man."

Do you collect anything? If not, what would you collect hypothetically?

I do! I have a lovely knife collection! A good portion of them are my own creations, and others old relics that I've restored. Hardly any of them are practical weapons, given their intricate designs on the blades, but they are beautiful to look at.

Tagging @anaisbebe @aalinaaaaaa @kaylinalexanderbooks @fractured-shield and anyone else who wants to hop on!!

Your guys questions:

"What's your favorite childhood memory?" "What is the most beautiful place you've ever seen in person?" "What's a movie you could watch every day?"

[fervonian]

— study. xan irelia

tagged by: i stole it like a little rat tagging: anybody who wants to do this!

—  basics.

➤ ⠀⠀⠀is your muse tall / short / average?⠀⠀standing at 5'7', irelia is probably considered a bit taller than average.

➤ ⠀⠀⠀are they okay with their height?⠀⠀while irelia can be self conscious of her image, her height was never something that bothered her. whilst growing up, her growth spurt arrived earlier than it did for her twin brother kye, and she grew to be only a little shorter than zelos. when irelia begun her formal dance training, she grew to be a little conscious of her lanky form, specifically her long legs. nowadays irelia certainly has more things to be preoccupied over instead of something as trivial as her height.

➤ ⠀⠀⠀what's their hair like?��⠀ever since she was young, irelia has been taught to take care of her appearance. her role as a dancer has been integral to her identity for a long time. her hair is especially beautiful; black strands like silk that run almost to her waist, the colour remniscent of high grade calligraphy ink. under the sun, it shines faintly blue.

➤ ⠀⠀⠀do they spend a lot of time on their hair / grooming?⠀⠀irelia's hair is quite long now, but she has gone through a few hairstyle changes throughout the years. when irelia was young, her o - ma would often tie it up as to ' see her darling little helper's face better ' as the two spent time together. after the war began, irelia would leave her hair out until one day she cut her hair short. nowadays, she keeps it at an elegant and practical length — occasionally putting it up in a tight bun. irelia takes good care of her personal hygiene, and enjoys taking baths & caring for her hair, washing and brushing it while she hums songs that remind her of home and a life she had lost.

➤ ⠀⠀⠀does your muse care about their appearance / what others think?⠀⠀yes, but not in a way that can lead to overt self consciousness. she is confident in her looks, and graciously accepts compliments she's offered. irelia plays the dual roles of important public figure as well as a performer — meaning double the scrutiny. she still deals with some nerves during public appearances, but she's become quite a convincing actor. the xan irelia that the public sees is a carefully sculpted version of herself, and it takes more than persistence to see behind her walls.

—  preferences.

➤⠀⠀⠀indoors  or  outdoors?⠀⠀indoors. ➤⠀⠀⠀rain  or  sunshine?⠀⠀sunshine. ➤⠀⠀⠀forest  or  beach?⠀⠀forest. ➤⠀⠀⠀precious  metals  or  gems?⠀⠀metals. ➤⠀⠀⠀flowers  or  perfumes?⠀⠀flowers. ➤⠀⠀⠀personality  or  appearance?⠀⠀personality. ➤⠀⠀⠀being  alone  or  being  in  a  crowd?⠀⠀being alone. ➤⠀⠀⠀order  or  anarchy?⠀⠀order. ➤⠀⠀⠀painful  truths  or  white  lies?⠀⠀painful truths. ➤⠀⠀⠀science  or  magic?⠀⠀magic. ➤⠀⠀⠀peace  or  conflict?⠀⠀peace. ➤⠀⠀⠀night  or  day?⠀⠀night. ➤⠀⠀⠀dusk  or  dawn?⠀⠀dawn. ➤⠀⠀⠀warmth  or  cold?⠀⠀warmth. ➤⠀⠀⠀many  acquaintances  or  a  few  close  friends?⠀⠀a few close friends. ➤⠀⠀⠀reading  or  playing  a  game?⠀⠀reading.

—  questionnaire.

➤⠀⠀⠀what  are  some  of  your  muse’s  bad  habits?⠀⠀while she is generally a pretty well - rounded and caring woman, she of course has more than her fair share of baggage and habits from her traumatic past. she is reluctant to open up emotionally, and dislikes asking for help. adding onto that, she is prone to overworking herself as she often takes on more work than she should handle alone. accustomed to bottling up her emotions, she isolates herself out of habit. irelia can fall into periods of melancholy if she doesn't have anything to preoccupy her mind and / or her hands with. she's a stickler for rules & traditions, and can be quite stubborn.

➤⠀⠀⠀has  your  muse  lost  anyone  close  to  them?  how  has  it  affected  them?⠀⠀too many to count. to this day, the loss of her family aches like a phatom limb. irelia has lost many to the war, be it family or friends or lovers. her past is a long, winding tapestry of unanswered questions and what - ifs. but life goes on, and she has been dedicating her every act towards building a testament to her devotion for everybody she has lost.

➤⠀⠀⠀what  are  some  fond  memories  your  muse  has?⠀⠀many of irelia's happy memories are from when her family was alive, crazily enough. ( link, tw for discussion of war & ptsd ) she does have other memories she cherishes. forming a connection with lady karma, who was a great source of comfort. reconnecting with dancing & performing after all the bloodshed was over & being able to share the artform with new students; fresh faces that are shy yet eager to learn, reminding irelia so much of herself as a child & giving her hope for the future.

➤⠀⠀⠀is  it  easy  for  your  muse  to  kill?⠀⠀yes, almost disturbingly so on a purely physical level. irelia is experienced with the mechanisms of taking lives; what angle her palm should be at while manipulating her blades, how far apart her feet need to be in order to keep her balance yet retain the ability to swiftly leap away if called for, the tell - tale sign of nerves in her enemies' eyes as they face the blade mistress of navori, a living tempest of metal is no match for mere men. the war may have hardened her walls, and she tells herself that it must be done... but she still distances herself from the act. when it comes to ionians, she's especially reluctant to resort to violence & will attempt negotiations or subduing them first, but if peaceful means won't work then she will do what must be done.

➤⠀⠀⠀what’s  it  like  when  your  muse  breaks  down?⠀⠀firstly, irelia will very, very rarely break down in public. she's a highly composed figure & while she will still show a glimpse into her psyche every now and then, breakdowns are reserved for when the storm passes and she has the time to process her grief / anger. but when she truly loses her composure, it is not a pretty sight. an example of a breakdown would be her reaction to finally exacting her vengeance on the man who killed her family & destroyed her village, admiral duqal. filled with rage and tempestuous fury, she fell upon the noxian commander as more of a beast than woman — slashing and stabbing him in a far crueler manner than she normally ever would. after her anger passed, it numbed her to everything. it took her a few days to regain her composure.

➤⠀⠀⠀is  your  muse  capable  of  trusting  someone  with  their  life?⠀⠀yes, but tentatively. having fought in multiple battles, it is necessary to rely on the ones she fights alongside, but irelia is generally very independent & frankly is more used to other people trusting her with their lives instead... as much as that thought burdens her to this day.

➤⠀⠀⠀what’s  your  muse  like  when  they’re  in  love?⠀⠀throughout all of irelia's life thus far, to love is to lose — yet she cannot help but open her heart again & again. it's gotten much harder for her to let down her walls, but it has never been hard for irelia to care for others. romantic love is more difficult & takes a sturdy friendship to develop first. but if irelia does fall for somebody, she falls hard. she smiles in their presence, a warm and caring glow shining upon her face. she allocates times in the day to spend solely with them & not have her work distract her. she's always been the protective type, but she will be extra watchful over them in particular. irelia just becomes... happier, and spirits know she deserves it after the life she's lived.

[ronaldmcdonaldstastytits]

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia: Realistic Representation

Hello Sunnyblr!

I asked if anyone wanted to see my paper I did on Always Sunny for school and some people said yes, so here it is. It’s like 5000 words and it was super rushed, so it’s not brilliant. Hope you have fun reading it and I recommend you also check out the sources I referenced at the end because some of those where a hell of a read and so fucking interesting. 

[NOTE] This was originally intended for my teacher’s eyes who has not seen Always Sunny, so a lot of the first two chapters are very anecdotal and recount some plot points of always sunny, so if you know the show (which if you’re seeing this, you probably do) they aren’t necessary to read, neither is the log but I decided to include it anyway. 

Introduction

This personal Interest Project will explore the way in which homosexuality is portrayed in the media, with an emphasis and focus on the TV show “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and the ways that they make the queer representation in it both realistic and relatable, to everyone in the audience. 

I chose this as my topic for multiple reasons: I love looking at and reading about the ways that the media presents queerness and the LGBTQ+ community. I’ve consumed a large amount of media with queer characters since I was first introduced to the concept, and of all the media, the most relatable and well presented I have come across so far has to be in “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” in the character of Mac and his struggles between religion and sexuality. 

The way that homosexuality and queerness in general is shown in the media is important for society as a whole, as it is always important to see yourself and others reflected in the media you consume. In this study I reference self made questionnaires, interviews and researched secondary sources to further evidence my judgements in a way so that I could get diverse opinions on a niche subject. My cross-cultural component included interviewing people who have been invested in the show far longer than i have to show what has changed in the community’s attitude towards Always Sunny’s representation over the years.

Log

My first step in creating my study was to do secondary research on the topics of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, LGBTQ+ representation in the media and the Queer habitation of fandom spaces. 

Once I had a list of both formal and scholarly and informal references I could use, I sent them to my email to ensure they would not get lost or forgotten and I started reading them all, making mental notes on what to use as I went along. 

Next I started by beginning an introduction to the study. I then made an essay plan for each chapter, making sure to note down which sources I would be using and where. I plotted exactly what I would talk about in each chapter and estimated how long they would each be. 

When I started the body of my study I realised it was actually far longer than I had been anticipating and I spent a long time cutting it down before continuing with my Third chapter, which I realised I would have to condense down from chapters three and four into just one. 

After I had finally finished the three chapters I made sure to annotate each of the sources I had used, add footnotes and graphs and relevant pictures. 

The last task I had yet to complete was the log, which was easy to fill out even though i had made no attempts at creating a project diary (which I should do in the future so that this last process is even easier).

Chapter 1 – Sunny’s Dark Satire

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is the longest running live-action American sit-com ever made. In 2003 two struggling actors, Rob McElhenny and Glenn Howerton came up with an idea that flipped traditional comedy on its head, made a pilot episode with a budget of $200 and titled it, “It’s Always Sunny on TV”. 

The show was to take place in Hollywood, about three actors trying to make it big. The three main characters were Rob McElhenny, Glenn Howerton and Charlie Day playing as themselves. 

The first episode, “Charlie has Cancer” started with Glenn visiting Charlie’s apartment to “borrow a bowl of sugar”, only to find out that his friend might have cancer. When Charlie starts confiding in Glenn about how he feels about all of it Glenn awkwardly responds, “Oh, I’m s--- did you wanna talk right now?”, creating the awkward, dark, satirical comedy aspect that It’s Always Sunny is well known for. 

Later, after the show was picked up by FX, It was decided that the premise of the show would need to be changed. FX believed there were already too many sitcoms set in Los Angeles and they decided the new show would be set in McElhenney’s home town of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. They also didn’t want it to be about actors as there were too many shows about that as well, but with the premise and comedy of the show the characters would need to have a lot of free time on their hands, and so the decision was made that the characters would be bar owners, and the name of the show was changed to “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”

The characters’ names also changed, McElhenney was now Ronald “Mac” McDonald (yes like the clown), Howerton was now called Dennis Reynolds and Day was still called Charlie, only the last name switched from “Day” to “Kelly” and Dennis’ twin sister was played by Kaitlyn Olsen. The show that started with the characters and actors at 28 and 29 years old, now has them at 46 and 47 in the newest season of the show which only came out in early June this year and the show is still signed for two more seasons. 

Always Sunny was made to be an anti sitcom, a direct opposite to something like F.R.I.E.N.D.S. or How I Met Your Mother.

Most sitcoms feature lovable characters who  might be a little morally dubious at the beginning but eventually turn into better people, sometimes they fall in love and get married and the end of the story is nice and happy. 

Anti-sitcoms-- not so much. 

While a sitcom explores the characters’ growth as individuals through comedy, anti sitcoms often do the opposite. In Always Sunny every single character is set up to be one of the worst people imaginable. The point of the show is to make you hate the characters and root against them so that when they finally get what they deserve-- often physical violence-- you feel justified in laughing at them. 

Each of the characters has at least one thing that is absolutely awful about them so that if you get too close to liking them someone else can point out, How can you like him? He stalked a woman for 15 years! Making you like the character less. 

They all have their terrible flaws; Charlie stalked a woman for 15 years, Mac is incredibly misogynistic and homophobic, Dennis has harassed and assaulted women on multiple occasions. The characters are awful, you can’t help but hate them, and that makes seeing them get what they deserve at the end of every episode so much more satisfying. 

However, while we hate these characters, that doesn’t mean we can’t also relate to them. It also doesn’t mean that the show can’t have good representation. Because it does and we do; Topics like mental health issues, eating disorders, Childhood sexual assault and LGBTQ+ identities are explored by the characters. 

But one of the things that so many fans of the show relate to about the characters is the queer aspect. In every show that has a fandom, there are characters consistently “headcannonned” as queer in some respect. Always Sunny is no exception, however, it did go farther in seeing how they had been portraying the characters, noticing that one of them did seem gay even to them and actually taking the step to confirm that the character was gay. 

Chapter 2 – Mac’s Journey

In 2016’s season 11 finale McElhenney’s character, Mac, came out as gay. Mac was an ultra conservative man infected with so much toxic masculinity that he took any altercation and raised it to violence out of insecurity. He was also insanely homophobic, misogynistic and transphobic despite the fact that he once dated a transgender woman named Carmen on and off for two years.

Carmen was actually first introduced in season one episode four “Charlie has Cancer”, the pilot of Sunny on TV. Carmen was played by Brittany Daniel in the FX show, and the plot of the episode didn’t change much from the original: Mac tries to find a girl to get her to sleep with Charlie to cheer him up since he supposedly has cancer. The only girl he sees in the bar is Carmen, they start talking and Mac goes back to Dennis and Dee to tell them he’s “found the perfect girl for Charlie”. Then Dennis and Dee tell him that “that’s a dude”. When Mac goes to confront Carmen about it she expertly deflects the accusation and they continue flirting.

MAC: You lied to me.

CARMEN: No, I didn't. You lied to me. You don't work out? Please. I've seen you at the gym. You're ripped.

MAC: No. Don't turn this around. Wait. Really? You think so?

CARMEN: Yeah.

MAC: (flexes his muscles) I was afraid I was getting a little too ripped, you know?

CARMEN: Oh, no. I like it.

MAC: Wow! Hmm. Well, I gotta get back to work. Um, but I don't know. Maybe I'll give you a call sometime.

After that they end up going on dates and they seem like a happy couple apart from the fact that Mac is very clearly uncomfortable with dating someone with a penis. Eventually their relationship ends when while on a date, Carmen approaches Mac from behind and taps his shoulder and Mac freaks out and accidentally punches her out of instinct. 

In a later episode of Season three, “Mac is a serial killer”, the plot twist of the episode is that, while the gang thinks that Mac has been acting shady recently because he’s now a serial killer, it is actually because Mac has been trying to hide the fact that he’s been dating Carmen again from them out of fear of their reactions considering what they thought the last time they dated. Through this episode Mac still clearly is uncomfortable with her being trans but he also seems to really like her considering the amount of research he had been doing into her “condition”, as Mac puts it. Towards the end of the episode Carmen dumps him because she thinks he is ashamed of her. Upset, Mac goes to Charlie and tells him “It’s over,” since he had assumed that Charlie knew the whole time. The gang confronts Mac about being a serial killer and Mac immediately yells back “I’m not a serial killer! [...] I’ve been banging the [t slur]!” Just as Mac had predicted, the gang immediately seems disgusted by this. 

Carmen appears in two other later episodes as well, in one of them Mac runs into her at the gym and finds out she’s getting married soon. The rest of the episode is about Mac being so jealous that she’s getting married to someone that he decides that it is a “gay marriage” and therefore a sin and tries to dissuade the couple from getting married by using homophobic bible quotes. Predictably, this episode is called  “Mac Fights Gay Marriage”. 

The last episode with Carmen in it is one in which Dee gives birth after being pregnant all season, it is revealed at the end of this episode that after the Gang tried so hard to figure out who the father was all season and were prepared to look after this kid together, that Dee was actually a surrogate, and what’s more, she was a surrogate for Carmen and her Husband. 

Miraculously, Carmen is the only character or side character who has ever left an encounter with the gang unscathed, she even somehow came out the end better, with a family. Every other character has been dragged down into the pits of hell with the rest of the gang whenever they’ve had to endure anything with them. 

Along with being transphobic and yet dating a trans woman Mac was also very homophobic, and the best example of that comes from the season nine episode, “Mac Day”, in which Mac’s cousin from the country (“Country Mac”) comes to the city. Later in the episode Mac makes his friends participate in “Greasing up some Beefcakes” which is actually just rubbing oil on body builders. Mac says some very suggestive things when the Gang doesn’t want to do it-- “These guys work off their beautiful glutes for our enjoyment, okay? The least we can do is pay them back in tan and grease.”-- Country Mac seems all too up for the activity, however, and says he's been getting a lot of phone numbers. Dennis asks where there are women, to which Country Mac replies, “Chicks? No. Dudes. I’m into Dudes.” The Gang expresses their positive sentiments and when Country Mac walks away Charlie says, “It’s so much more comfortable when someone’s gay and open about it. And like, I know we’ve never said this as a group, but… Mac’s gay." The rest of the Gang all immediately agreed with no restraint. At the end of the episode, after Country Mac’s untimely death, Mac makes a eulogy which includes the characteristic homophobia, “And it turns out, he was totally queer. Which, as we all know, is a sin. And that, coupled with his radical religious beliefs, has most likely landed him in Hell, where he will burn for all eternity. So I will ask for a moment of silence, in which I will beg God's forgiveness for Country Mac's evil, homo ways…”

Although the writers clearly knew what they were doing with “Mac Day”, the season ten two part finale “The Gang Goes to Hell Parts 1 and 2” is where they really made their intentions surrounding Mac’s character and sexuality clear. 

Goes to Hell were two of the episodes that showcased exactly how awful each of the characters are. In the story, every one of the characters committed one of the seven deadly sins and ended up on the brig of the Christian cruise ship they were on. They were on the Christian cruise ship because Mac had converted from his Roman Catholic church he had grown up in, to a Christian one because his usual church was “getting too Vietnamese”, just showcasing again how Mac is a horrible person. 

Of course Charlie and Frank’s sin was gluttony in the form of alcoholism (they drank boat fuel), Dee was wrathful and punched a woman and Dennis attempted to have sex with a girl who was 19 even though he was 39. Out of everyone in the Gang, Mac was the only one who didn’t commit a sin and yet he ended up in the brig as well. 

The reason Mac was in the brig was because he had found out the men he had become friends with were actually married and gay and Mac, being incredibly homophobic as he was, had decided that he was put on the cruise by God to convert them to being straight. This of course didn’t work and when Mac told the men all of this they said: 

DAVID: You want to convert us?

MAC: Yeah!

DAVID: Do you realise how insulting that is? How would you like it if I tried to convert you?

MAC: Uh… Wouldn’t care. Cause that’s, like, impossible. There’s no way you guys could convert me to your lifestyle.

SCOTT: Let’s give it a shot. 

The next scene opened with Mac walking straight into the brig, closing the door and saying defeatedly, “Well… I’m gay.”

Mac’s sexuality was further explored in the Season 13 finale, “Mac Finds His Pride” in which he came out to his father and his prison mates through an interpretive dance, only for him to walk out of the room midway through his performance. Mac was clearly devastated by this and the episode ended with Frank, who had accompanied Mac throughout the episode and who was typically quite ignorant and homophobic, finally understanding how Mac had felt his whole life. 

Chapter 3 – Was it Good Representation?

Having representation in the media is important for all minorities. Minorities can see others like them, and non-minorities can see how minorities are affected by a world not catered for them and see how things need to change. 

In a survey regarding what people thought about shows with Queer representation, I asked the questions: what was the best queer representation you’ve seen in the media and why?

In response to what the best queer representation was, the results varied greatly as there are many different pieces of media containing good LGBTQ+ representation. However, the most recurring answers were It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia with 17.3%, Our Flag Means Death with 11.5% and The Owl House with 7.7%. The top qualities in good representation were (in order of highest to lowest); realism, normalisation, diversity, relatability, unashamedness, and acceptance. 

In an interview with a long time fan of Always Sunny, 22 year old Lillian H, in response to being asked what she liked about the representation in Always Sunny, said that while she didn’t think that the portrayal of Mac’s identity was as good as it could have been her favourite thing about the show was it’s portrayal of mental illness and trauma: “There’s not many aspects of the show that I would ever look at as “good” representation, I mean that would be the opposite of the message that the show is trying to convey. I don’t even think that Mac is as good a representation that he could be. But I also think Sunny is the best tv representation I have ever seen of trauma and mental illness. One of my favorite things about this show is that at its core, Sunny is about five traumatized people who were deeply affected by their terrible upbringing and continue to perpetuate the cycle and project it all over anyone they encounter.”

Lillian started watching the show around the time the first two seasons had begun airing and was introduced to it by her Dad who loved the show. “My dad was obsessed with it and when we weren’t watching it on television he was showing me his favorite scenes on youtube.”, she said. She also talked about how when she was in middle school and properly able to digest and process the humour of the show beyond a group of adults yelling at each other for 20 minutes straight, she started engaging with the online fandom on tumblr. When asked how the fandom has changed over time she said, “The majority of tumblr users were under thirty, so I think the fans there were a lot more accepting and open minded than the people like my dad who just watched it on tv. I never witnessed any kind of blatant homophobia or racism of any kind. From what I remember everyone for the most part understood the satire and knew what the show was portraying was wrong. The blackface was definitely an issue though. It was (rightfully!) openly shunned and criticized in the fandom. There were other tumblr users that had never seen the show who would attack sunny blogs for being racist and problematic for supporting a show and cast that performed blackface. [...] The response to Mac coming out was initially terrible. He came out of the closet only to go right back in at the end of the episode. I think the majority of LGBTQ fans felt this episode made it clear that Mac's sexuality was being trivialized and played up for laughs. It was especially disappointing coming from a crew who claimed to be gay allies, one of which had two moms and a gay brother who worked on the show. When Mac finally came out for good, the response was overwhelmingly positive and celebratory. I think at the time even the older fans (like my dad) were too caught off guard to be hateful. It was a bizarrely emotional episode.”

In a separate survey when the question, “what was the best queer representation you have seen and why?” was posed, the reasons behind people responding with Mac from Always Sunny were mostly very similar; “because he is the epitome of who I used to be (Catholic and extremely in denial about my sexuality)”, “Mac McDonald, mostly because I can relate to him a lot. We are both gay, we are both religious [...]”, “It’s really relatable for me. I grew up in [a] catholic setting, so it was just easier to lock away my true feelings.”, “Mac's shame and guilt regarding his sexuality and being stuck in the closet and denial was executed well and it's something many lgbt folks can relate to”, “Mac finds his pride is definitely one of the best episodes of the show and shows his struggle with his internalised homophobia and struggle to find a place to fit in, which i can relate to.”

Most people in more recent times, when talking about why they liked Mac’s representation, reference how they feel it relates to them. Most of these people are gay, religious or both like Mac was and understand that what happened when Mac first came out and then went back into the closet was a way of denial and repression and something they related to. 

This proposes the theory that perhaps this view in particular regarding Mac’s character and story has changed over time from something that people were unhappy about when it first happened to something that people now praise for making it feel realistic and relatable. 

However this is a phenomenon known only to those within the fandom. In an interview with 17 year old Jordan Wade, who only considers himself a casual enjoyer of the show and has only watched the first two seasons, he said that he hadn’t really noticed any queer aspects to any of the characters and had not picked up on any representation in the show where he was up to. It should be noted that there is LGBTQ+ themes and representation in the first season in the form of Carmen and perhaps this shows that the only people who really pay enough attention to the show to be able to pick out and examine each piece of representation are those who are engaged in the fandom. And most people who engage in fandom are queer or part of other minorities and as such are already used to searching thoroughly for any representation. 

In a survey, 10 memes from Always Sunny were presented to the participants and they were asked if they recognised the meme. On all of the memes 55 people responded and of all those memes the lowest number of people who recognised a meme was 32, with the highest being 51 of the 55 saying they recognised it. The spread of memes on the internet among people who know the show and don’t, contribute to the spread of the show, which contributes to the spread of its representation. Of the ten memes, before I had even watched the show, I had seen nine of them, just due to being online on platforms such as Tumblr and TikTok. 

Conclusion

Ultimately, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia has some good representation of LGBTQ+ characters and also of mental health issues. The show is absolutely flawed but it is usually quite good at staying within the confines of a dark satire and using it to its advantage. Mac’s character could have been dealt with more gently and so could Carmen’s but ultimately they did really well with what they did at the time and many people relate really well to the characters. The characters and representation in Always Sunny is genuinely really good and many people agree that it is relatable, and realistic and not made a huge deal of, only increasing the value of the representation. 

The use of realistic and relatable plot points in Mac’s story help to make the character more accessible to queer audiences. The fact that he came out and then went back in only helps queer people relate to him more. His internalised homophobia is ever present throughout the show and drawn upon to add to his queer identity, showing how overtime he worked on and diminished his internalised homophobia and was finally able to feel himself after the season thirteen finale. 

While aspects of it may still be widely contested by fans of Always Sunny online, it stands without competition that Mac in many ways was good representation that fed people starved of representation. And while Rob McElhenney, Glenn Howerton, Charlie Day and the other writers of Always Sunny could have done better, it is undeniable that they were well intentioned and got their messages across quite well in the end.

Reference List

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXY0uDeZ5jw

 Charlie Has Cancer - Original Pilot. (2004). United States of America. Retrieved June 15, 2023, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXY0uDeZ5jw. 

https://whatnerd.com/what-is-anti-sitcom-explained-with-examples/ 

 McManus, B., McManus, C., Conall McManusConall McManus is a contributor at whatNerd. He’s an avid fan of cinema, Conall McManus is a contributor at whatNerd. He’s an avid fan of cinema, & Read more by Conall McManus ». (2022, October 12). What’s an anti-sitcom? Explained (with 5 great examples). whatNerd. https://whatnerd.com/what-is-anti-sitcom-explained-with-examples/ 

https://cyberleninka.ru/article/n/amusing-abusers-and-humourless-survivors-analysing-the-role-of-comedy-in-media-representations-of-sexual-violence 

Rose, L. B. (2021). Amusing abusers and humourless survivors: analysing the role of comedy in media representations of sexual violence. Galactica Media: Journal of Media Studies, (3), 344-373.

https://mediarxiv.org/8hgfa/download?format=pdf 

 Johnson Jr, M. (2020). Queer Incrementalism and the Emancipatory Rhetoric of Redemption on FX’s “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qj12BBtbRkM 

YouTube. (2022). The Gang Does Trans Representation. YouTube. Retrieved June 15, 2023, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qj12BBtbRkM. 

https://deadline.com/2021/12/its-always-sunny-in-philadelphia-addresses-blackface-controversy-1234884709/ 

 Haring, B. (2021, December 4). “it’s always sunny in Philadelphia” addresses blackface controversy in “lethal weapon 7” season 15 episode. Deadline. https://deadline.com/2021/12/its-always-sunny-in-philadelphia-addresses-blackface-controversy-1234884709/ 

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/lgbtq-fans-remaking-fandom-in-our-own-image-stitch-fan-service 

Stitch. (2021, June 9). LGBTQ+ fans: We’re here, Queer, and remaking fandom in our own image. Teen Vogue. https://www.teenvogue.com/story/lgbtq-fans-remaking-fandom-in-our-own-image-stitch-fan-service

https://www.tumblr.com/sunnykeysmash/717820696920719360/im-also-thinking-that-it-would-mean-mac-would 

Sunnykeysmash. (2023, May 20). “wait One Year” on Tumblr. Tumblr. https://www.tumblr.com/sunnykeysmash/717820696920719360/im-also-thinking-that-it-would-mean-mac-would 

https://repository.library.georgetown.edu/handle/10822/1043761

Kimmel, K. (2017). THE GANG’S IN A THESIS: AN EXAMINATION OF AMERICAN TELEVISION’S DARK HORSE SITCOM “IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA” (Doctoral dissertation, Georgetown University).

And of course thank you to @lgbdee for helping me and @sunnykeysmash for unknowlingly giving me something to use as a source and a good read lol. And thanks to everyone who participated in all the polls and surveys i put out, it was a huge help and I was able to get a MUCH larger amount of data on my surveys than my classmates did which I count as a win on it’s own even though I have no idea what my marks for this assignment were.

Also if you’re going to read any of the sources above I highly recommend “Amusing abusers and humourless survivors: analysing the role of comedy in media representations of sexual violence” by LB Rose. I genuinely really enjoyed reading it and reread it later too.

[willtheweaver]

OC questionnaire tag

Shoutout to @winglesswriter for the tag

My questions are:

1. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

2. I’d you had to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

3. Do you have a fashion sense?

Answering these questions will be characters from A Feather in the Forest

———————————————————————

1. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Fen: In 10 years? That’s a long time from now. Ideally, I would like to be First Hunter. At the very least, I would like to be alive…10 years is more than enough time for my secret to be found out.

Playa: 10 years from now, I would like to be out there in the forest as a hunter. Though knowing my luck, it’s more likely I’ll be stuck inside the village, dealing with administration.

Opal: Honestly? I will be with Al-Gia in 10 years time. No one lives forever, and I have lived longer than any other fox. Fifty years is a long time, and I know that I am unlikely to see sixty.

Lord Halley: Ideally, I would like to see my people safe, and my enemies brought to heel. Reclaim my lost birthright by seeing my bloodline return to Eagleheart, flush out Grey from the swamp, and finally put an end to those pesky foxes.

2. If you had to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Fen: Only one? That’s unfair. I guess I would be happy with hotdish.

Playa: Any sort of topped flatbread.

Opal: I would be quite happy with venison pie.

Lord Halley: Fish. I could eat fish all the time and never get sick of it. Except for lampreys. There is something unhealthy about them.

3. Do you have any fashion sense?

Fen: I wear what is comfortable. Nothing too fancy. Just has to be long enough to conceal what the wraps and mask cannot.

Playa: Simple and comfortable for me. I like to keep decoration limited to some embroidery in the edges.

Opal: Always been partial to hemp cloth. For everyday wear, a simple plaid or checkered pattern. For more formal wear, I always go with something embroidered. Nothing over the top. A simple vine motif is enough.

Lord Halley: I’m not one for anything too elaborate. A mantle with my war trophies is sufficient.

Tagging @fourwingedwriter @winterandwords @athenswrites @tildeathiwillwrite @poethill @mk-writes-stuff @the-ellia-west @kaylinalexanderbooks @gottestod-writes @illarian-rambling @theeccentricraven @spitefulbull @late-to-the-fandom and open tag

Your questions are:

1. Did you have any formal education? If so, what was it like?

2. What is your stance on friends and friendship?

3. How would you describe your relationship with your family?

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

OC questionnaire

Thanks to @willtheweaver here and here, @mk-writes-stuff here, here, and here, and @somethingclevermahogony here.

I did Robbie, Gwen, Maddie, Noelle, Jedi, and Kelsey here.

I did Carmen, George, Akash, Sam, Lexi, and Ash. here.

Doing Gabriel, Carla, Parker, Rose, Alex, and Ewan under the cut!

#1- Gabriel

Did you have any formal education? If so, what was it like?

“I mean, I'm still receiving formal education, so your use of past tense is strange. I never attended Ceteri school. My parents raised me to know that I was Alii, and they always planned to send me over to the Aequales once I received my powers, since they were in direct contact with them the whole time. Ceteri school was counterproductive, so I was homeschooled until then. I now attend school in Alium. I'll admit, I do like it. At least, I do more than homeschooling from my parents. Not that they were terrible, but I don't mind more structure and people.”

What is your stance on friends and friendship?

“I don't know you, so I'm not going to explain growing up with no friends. I don't exactly need them, but it was boring growing up with no one else. I'll admit I don't mind the others in the Aequales, as annoying as they can be. However, they are decent people I enjoy spending time with. Niri is pretty great, actually. Jazlyn still babies me, which is a little annoying, but I would be lying if I didn't admit she is someone I consider a friend. Robbie is a little annoying at times, but Akash keeps him in line. I wish Wade would do the same for Parker. I have no idea how it took until last September for Wade to punch him.”

How would you describe your relationship with your family?

“My parents are my parents. Why would I not respect them? I don't see them often, but I'm following what they want. I'm making them proud. I have a decent job. I'm contributing to Alium as a terrakinetic. They are proud of me. I don't want or need anything more than that.”

#2- Carla

If you could have one wish granted, what would it be? (No wishing for more wishes)

“I would like to bring my parents back. I'd like things to be normal again. Carmen to talk to me more. I'd like to know my cousin I never got to meet. Oh, sorry, this is more than one. Um... The war. Yeah, I'd wish the war never happened. No, wait, the cause of the war: the prejudice of Inutilia. I wish that never happened. I wish we could all get along. Then it would be good.”

What’s your favourite music?

“I really like the different cultural music of each of the Sectors - I have to say I love Sector 3's music the most. Stefanija Lauwers is also a Sector 8 singer I really love. But recently, Tyler has gotten me into a Ceteri genre called 'alternative rock.' I can't stop listening to it - I've never heard anything like it!”

What’s your number one warning sign that it is not going to be a good day?

“How I'm feeling once I've woken myself up all the way. My emotional state tells me how I'm gonna feel for most of the day. Sometimes I'm sad for no reason. And then that's a bad day. When George goes off to work and instead of getting something done, I just decide that I'm going to experience time as quickly as possible until I can get to when he comes back.”

More Carla: empty Bingo

#3- Parker

What’s your favourite snack?

“Me. Cause I'm a snack - hey-ooo! Come on, guys, I'm not gonna explain that joke to you. Honestly, whatever I'm hungry for in the moment. Changes day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second, nanosecond by nanosecond. Anyhow, I'd like some Cheetos.”

What do you least want to hear when you wake up in the morning?

“'Oh, my God, Parker, are you gonna sleep in all day?' No, Mom, I'm gonna get up when I want to. Also I don't want to hear 'Mrs. Holliday just emailed me about your attitude and conductivity problems.' Mom, the bitch hates me. Let me sleep, Goddamn.”

Do you have a nemesis? What are they like?

“Yeah, he got interviewed earlier. Gabriel hates me, and y'know what, he's a boring asshole. He's been a boring asshole for years. He's a stick in the mud, and he drives me insane. Jazlyn, my girl, best girl, my badass idol, likes him. How? Jaz, he's so boring! You're the least boring person I know! What, you knew him for a little longer so he's like a little brother for you? Do what everyone else does with their little brother: dropkick him. Light his hair on fire or something. I take back my last answer - the thing I least want to hear in the morning is Gabriel Medina's voice. Every single practice, he's like 'Cassidy, you're an idiot, Cassidy, you need to stop, Cassidy, you're too chaotic, Cassidy, listen to me.' Go shove a rock up your ass, Medina. Robbie and Akash think he's worthy of a cute silly nickname like Gills. How dare you. Why not nickname me? I'm much more fun than him.”

#4- Rose

What is your favorite beverage for a warm summer afternoon?

“I don't think I could consider myself a true Texan if I didn't say iced tea. Sorry if that's a lame answer.”

What is something that keeps you up at night?

“Insecurities. Hope that helps.”

If you could switch lives with any one you know who would it be and why?

“Lexi. Her family is great, she has so many friends, and...yeah. Lexi.”

More Rose: OC in three

#5- Alex

What’s your favourite flower?

“In Alium, there is no way that it's not the hahkosa blossoms. In Ceteri, purple asters, obviously. I am so predictable. Purple is just such a totally awesome color. I mean, no shade of purple is bad. Not a single one. Every other color? There's, like, one icky shade. Purple is just objectively the best color.”

Do you like parties? What kind?

“Uh, duh! I love parties! Who doesn't? I'll go to any kind of party. You could say I'm the life of it! I prefer going with friends, just because it makes it so much fun! Dances are awesome. Just vibing to the music with your besties. Cannot compare to anything else.”

Are you hiding anything from your friends (I promise the secret is safe with me)?

“Oh. Well, I guess that I'm not happy at all times. I try to be. I love making others happy. I feel like I may be abandoning what makes me, well, me. I'm happy. I'm Alex. She's the girl who is the life of the party, like I said. I can't be anxious! [Pause] haha, well, who am I kidding? This has been such a fun interview! Thank you!”

#6- Ewan

Is there someone that you look up to?

“Jazlyn, in both senses of the phrase. She's taller than me, but also, she's just...don't tell anyone this, but Jazlyn is the most important part of my life. She has this super confident demeanor, but she's actually reflective. More than she lets on. Not that she isn't confident. She's the kind of person who'd volunteer at a magic show. She sits in the front row every time. She's the smartest person I know. Sharp wit. Great at everything it seems. Blunt and harsh at times, but she is never rude. Badass at sparring. She's made me more willing to take risks and get out of my comfort zone! I can't imagine my life without her if she never approached me five years ago.... *clears throat* Oh my gosh I've been talking too long...”

Do you have any trouble falling/staying asleep?

“When I'm out, I'm way out. Cause I'm exhausted. But falling asleep? Man, my mind is on so many things. My next music composition, Jazlyn, what and how I'm gonna train Lexi, homework, band practice, Jazlyn, the manga I was just reading, wait--I said Jazlyn...*clears throat again* anyway my brain is so full at night.”

Do you believe in forgiveness?

“Oh, 100%. Not because I think the person is deserving, but I feel sick if I don't do it. I can't move on. Forgive. My life has other places it would like to be than in the past.”

TSP intro

Thanks for reading this far! I'll tag @finickyfelix @ohnomybreadsticks @winterandwords @jezifster @jay-avian @kyofsonder @lesleymoonwriter @leahnardo-da-veggie @cowboybrunch @elsie-writes @atelierwriting + anyone else!

Your questions:

Do you prefer working on one thing until it's finished or many things at a time?

You are in a talent show! What is your talent?

How do you feel about your birthday? Do you have a best or worst birthday?

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites