#a complicated issue to begin with
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they literally whitewashed Elma...


#like ik they already did with official art and as a blade in xc2#but seeing the shot by shot comparison is really something#and i guess with the way she transforms into a white woman alien at the end (spoilers lol) its kind of#a complicated issue to begin with#but her appearance is supposed to be in reference to chaos from xenosaga#who would i guess technically be a palestinian jew#by modern definition at least#xenoblade#xcx#shiv.txt
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one day ima write some long winded analysis thing about how i think 2012 has an abusive family dynamic going on and its the best part of the show and im either gonna be paraded like a hero or fucking cancelled
#the issue is always how to frame the argument. starting at the beginning of the timeline or the beginning of the show?#and it would need to be long and carefully worded because i really dont want to make anyone misunderstand what im talking about#by thinking im shitting on the show cuz i do like the show! i just like that its complicated#and people can get very protective of that show which i understand but also i want to engage with it where its at#which is to say the characters and their relationships are very complex and interesting to talk about#but again. this would be hard to write
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Ink October day twenty-five: Contexture
The act of weaving or assembling parts into a whole.
An arrangement of interconnected parts; a structure.
The arrangement and union of the constituent parts of a thing; a weaving together of parts; structural character of a thing; system; constitution; texture.
#will I ever be normal about them? no. fuck you.#kh xion#kh roxas#kh sora#xion kh#roxas kh#sora kh#roxas#Xion#kingdom hearts xion#xion kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts sora#sora kingdom hearts#roxas kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts roxas#kingdom hearts#kh#blue boi draws#ink october 2023#ink October 2023 day 25#thinking about how Xion isn’t just Sora’s replica but Roxas’ as well. girlie has more identity issues then you can shake a stick at#she fights like Roxas she fights like Sora she might even like fighting but she was made for it after all#does the weopon like violence because it enjoys it or because it is a weopon to begin with#I’d say Sora to a certain extent enjoys fighting (see: the colosseum and the play fighting during childhood) I think he likes fighting peop#and likes fighting with people when the stakes aren’t too high. it’s fun. on the other hand I think the closest thing to fighting Roxas#likes is struggle. maybe with some play wrestling or something. but if the person your hitting isn’t dropping colour balls he isn’t into it#it becomes at best a chore at worst something that would fuck with his trauma. he doesn’t wanna be a keyblade master he wants to be normal.#Xion on the other hand is much more complicated. I think she enjoys it (her choosing to train on their day off) but more in the way that#she finds it satisfying instead of fun. she likes Completing Tasks and Improving and things that when she focuses on past reveal she finds#uncomfortable. running out of space but Phemiec’s All I Want. ‘all I want is to know the wanting is my own’ ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgg
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REALLY wanna work on a fan continuity where the decepticons are in the right
#or more like#are not the villains#because half of the time in tf media they are in the right LMFAO#then they go “too far”#i think itd be fun instead to explore one where a lot of the decepticons “evil” actions are misconstrued#theyre only ever violent in self defense but it gets spun as them being violent brutes#they only ever want equality but its framed as them wanting power#could totally have like two parts too right#pre-war and beginning of the war focusing on the decepticons pov#but then what if when the war moves to earth all of the old autobots are gone and the ones that are there were raised on that propaganda#and it then focuses on the new autobots learning that the decepticons were never evil#and unlearning that propaganda and bias#was also thinking about optimus dying before the war moves and elita getting the matrix and becoming prime#has nothing to do with the main concept here but a fun idea#anyway so then you could have one autobot (elita) who WAS there in the initial stages of the war#who knows that the decepticons just wanted equality and arent evil but also thinks they deserve what they got for it#and having to unlearn that as well#which i think could also be an even more complicated journey than those who were just told 'decepticons bad' yknow#cuz theyre all like 'wait we were told they wanted total power but they dont. okay then'#still an issue but not necessarily part of a facet of their person? they were jsut told these guys wanted to murder everyone#and pretty reasonably thought 'thats not very nice' even if it does turn out to be a lie#while elita's opinions and ideals ARE something that are ingrained into her#and they are a result of something she was told but that kind of classism/functionism is still very much a part of her person as a whole#and don't necessarily have the excuse of a 'reasonable reaction'. not that the other actuall was as well but u get what i mean#okOK ill stop yapping#SOMEBODY hear me out on this#mono talks#transformers#maccadam
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2025 reads / storygraph
The Subtweet
contemporary novella
two South Asian Canadian musicians begin a complicated friendship when one covers one of the other’s songs
while her career skyrockets due to the cover and an uncovered album she made in uni, the other’s career stagnates and her jealousy and insecurity increases
when a frustrated tweet goes viral, their friendship implodes and they become the centre of an out of control viral discussion about colourism and racism in the music industry
#the subtweet#aroaessidhe 2025 reads#trans rights readathon#This is interesting!#I always appreciate a book that gives the same focus and complexity to a platonic relationship that romances get#- including in the messy bad ways. I’ve gotta say though. Are people really that jealous and insecure and judgemental about their friends?#I wasn’t sure I believed when the book tried to tell me that they were friends straight away…. Weird complicated doubly-parasocial-#art collaboration dynamic...but…friends? idk.#(they did start to feel like friends further in; but not in the beginning when it was telling us they were)#It was compelling to read even if I hated how they acted half the time.#There’s some really good discussion about colourism and the politics of representation and accountability;#authenticity in art; and I really enjoyed Neela’s focus on making art that doesn’t focus on romance and relationships#and how solitude can be a good thing!#but there’s also a lot of mess and pretentious art opinions#(which - a bit of pretentiousness is necessary in art; I went to art school. It can still be annoying to read lol) and like.#Some of it felt like it was more there to talk about these issues rather than tell a story about these characters?#One of them is trans which is just very briefly mentioned. I do think that like…considering the way things go in the book#realistically that’s something that would be discussed?#But also I appreciate that it was probably an intentional choice to make it a nonissue and just focus on the other conversations#I thought the choice to more or less remove Rukmini’s perspective from the narrative after the viral tweet was interesting -#taking away her ability to say anything about the conversation that revolves around her certainly reflects how it can be irl.#It felt a tad unsatisfying though? Maybe that’s the point.#no romance#i would reccommend it tho it's interesting even if i didn't *enjoy* all aspects
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Does anyone else automatically size themselves up with people their age and look for ways that you’re inferior to them? Just me? Ok….
#the reasons why I think like this are…complicated#honestly a lot to do with the#adhd struggle bus#surprise surprise the neurodevelopmental condition has overarching and very specific effects on my life and how I interact with the world#of course disclaimer that this weird thing I have is not inherent to adhd#but maybe is a way of thinking I developed in part due to it#this is a me thing if anyone else relates to this fine but you don’t have to#I think thi oversharing series is a way for me to microdose journaling#I try to get into journaling but I have way too many thoughts#it’s all or nothing either I write nothing or I spend 3 hours documenting everything thought I had that week#I think a lot of this has to do with my persistent issues with time management#and I’ve tried to hide this struggle in a lot of ways because ngl it’s embarrassing#to the point where I held myself back from doing certain things I wanted to do because ‘hmm could you handle it though you’re already#struggling to manage in school with the bare minimum. maybe you just suck’#and this is probably because I went to a college prep school so yeah#there were 14 year olds taking multivariable calculus and people with various talents#to say that I was intimidated would be an understatement. it’s strange because while in middle school my self esteem was decent it dropped#in high school like how stock prices dropped in the beginning of Covid#even though I was like an ok kid I somehow convinced myself that I was dumb and inept#all because I struggled with one area in my life#honestly I’m not sure if I can paint a clear picture of this time. for one#memories are complex. but I do remember feeling that way and needing a lot of support to be hyped up#fuck#I’m now remembering how my aunt used to be that person. she was my cheerleader growing up and practically raised me in childhood#she passed away from cancer right when I turned 15#shit I’m crying now#during this time in my life I needed a lot of reassurance since I took any small failure as a sign from the universe that I was indeed inept#it was her and my middle school friend who used to rant to me about dragon ball and pewdiepie that hyped me up#my parents were a mixed bag. unfortunately they too sorta overreacted to things like getting a B in math. they used to make me feel like#uchiha-gaeshi overshares
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Several members of Congress bought Meta stock in December but I'm sure their motives for voting to ban TikTok were purely about national security...Oh, I mean about preventing Americans from viewing propaganda, because those are the same thing, right??? They've mentioned both as reasons as if they are synonymous when they absolutely are not.
#I am honestly scared about the precedent this sets#like Trump may decide to pretend to play hero#(as if he isn't the one who first wanted a ban to begin with because of his weird one-sided beef with China)#(seriously the man is obsessed with this idea that China is “ripping us off”)#(He's talked about it for YEARS -- like I think even pre-presidency)#but I also have an issue with that for reasons that are too complicated for me to explain via tags#and I'm tired#tiktok ban#tiktok
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sometimes I'm like "am I egotistical for wanting to push for transmasc rep and positive masculinity in fiction. am i egotistical for trying to push for more masculine representation in things like fairies. am i egotistical for having so many transmasc characters" but then I'm like well everyone's gotta contribute something right and if I don't do anything about these feelings I guess nobody fucking will so it HAS to be me or someone like me that cares. egotistical or not
#does this make any fucking sense LMAO#like if you dont do anything about the issues you notice than nobody will because they dont even notice the problem to begin with#and sure masculinity has dominated for centuries but i feel like transmasculinity is in a completely different ball park#like something something the male gaze DOMINATING the western movie scene. but gender is more complicated than sex#so the transmasc experience is completely different from a cis guys experience and its not something that ever gets represented#and i think its a valueble perspective to showcase because i think cis men could do well with realizing its okay for them to be vulnerable#like being raised female i wasnt ever told to man up like a cis man mightve been. so theyve got that complex there#and maybe seeing what masculinity COULD be outside of the fucked up society we live in. idk. trans experiences are valueable#to showcase and i think it would help everyone out looking at things differently#dont even get me started on how the tips for passing as a trans guy are 'dont show any emotion' are you fucking serious
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it’s an Anna/Dean fic if Anna is the little mermaid. it is NOT a destiel fic if Castiel is the little mermaid. to be clear.
#the Anna/Dean version is much more straightforwardly the story of the little mermaid with them in starring roles#and also sam and Lucifer shenanigans in the background#but the Castiel version is a lot more complicated. a lot more focused on the idea of love used as escapism.#castiel gets two legs to go meet his prince and waiting for their love story to begin. and it never does.#Aro!Dean in my little mermaid au? it’s more likely than you think#so Castiel is in an impossible situation but making the best of it. (he’ll be fine. Sam is busy melting Lucifer’s icy heart with shenanigans#u should know this is a Balthazar/Castiel story. to me. Balthazar won’t take legs but he will wait too close to the docks even knowing the#fishing nets might catch his tail every day waiting for Castiel to tell him he’s still safe and alive.#Michael starting as the king of mermaids. he had issues. Raphael starring as the one who gives Castiel the option to kill dean to come home.#not cruelly not maliciously. because they love Castiel. and he cannot come home otherwise. he will turn to sea foam. Raphael looks after#their mermaids.#also starting Gabriel as inexplicably able to walk on land and live in the sea in a plot relevant way
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finishing love between fairy and devil reminded that I had another c-drama (Love like the Galway) that I had paused watching and now that I resumed it, uhh I think I lost track of the ongoing plot and character motivations/backstories 😬
#click clack#resuming shows - hard mode.#I stopped watching at episode 32 and I forgot the main character entered the palace where everything got even more complicated#it’s one of those historical imperial court plots where you have to know every character scheming and/or otherwise#it wasn’t like that in the beginning the plot began at a smaller scale within family for the most part#I think I stopped because my viki subscription ran out#love like the galaxy#despite the title I watched it more for how family dynamics play out it’s just so interesting#the romance is not convincing yet i think it’s on purpose like a slow burn at best?#the main dude needs to convince me and the main character which is interesting to watch! like she just compared him to her mom which is…#oof she has mommy issues ala turning red & eeao#I’m scared my memories are mixing up some scenes and plots from nirvana in fire which was the last one I saw at the end of 2022#and phew I started that one yearsssss ago but paused watching until last year and had to rewatch the first 8 episodes again
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LMAO ACCURATE

Trinity thesis
#this is what I think anyways#dc#clark kent#superman#bruce wayne#batman#wonder woman#diana of themiscyra#diana prince#dc trinity#you could honestly argue that any of these apply to all of them but#I think they most strongly apply to these pairings#like Bruce is also pretty lonely but Diana and Clark’s detachment from their homes specifically#is a consistent weakness for them#kryptonite literally being the shattered remains of Clark’s world and any threats or changes to themyscira being what always gets#an emotional reaction out of Diana in fights… they both have homes they’re unable to return to#and Diana is also pretty bad at opening up to people but only because she isn’t aware she has any problems to begin with#Bruce and Clark at least somewhat know when they have an issue. and then tell nobody anyways#Diana and Bruce ohh their parallels make me crazy#their incredible devotion to being a protector that they get so absorbed in they can’t see themselves as anything outside of it?? crazy#I think Clark and Diana also have a shared complicated relationship to their public idolization but I couldn’t#fit that into a concise sentence#I care for them so deeply. None of them are well#sorry for changing the text on this three times#addition +#dc meme#alignment chart
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As much as I've been actively trying to develop stories and write in a bubble/approach many of the things I create with zero expectation of what the response might be (if I am happy with it, then it is a success), it's also very hard to balance wanting to have a little community where I can talk about things that I make with other people with the abject fear of having these things that I make and that are very close to me be viewed and witnessed by other people.
How many slices of yourself can you put into something before you feel anxious about it? New game to play with your friends.
#abyss.txt#thoughts about writing#currently trying to work out if i can work on the new version of undertow and coffin walking at the same time#i'm running into an issue with coffin walking where i'm worried that the beginning is too boring but i also know it's extremely important#to establish characters and their relationships before i get to the spooky shit so#undertow also morphed into something a little more complicated in the fact that it's now a mirrored duo narrative#i'm also in the process of doing developmental editing on fne since bestie told her whole family about it and now they want to read it#(fear)#help
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Ah fuck, I’ve been called out.
yeah bro it's a character study. the 2 thousand words of blowjob is vital to the study of the character
#that weird feeling of taking the lead because you have experience and they want you to#but while you want them to feel comfortable and stand out#you can’t help but feel like you’re doing something wrong with their innocence#but it’s that exact logic that made them so inexperienced to begin with#so how do you swallow your own issues of wanting to protect the person you love#and still look just as casual and comfortable as they asked about it#they don’t want to be sheltered and you respect that#but your feelings for them are so raw and complicated#that suddenly you’re the one delicate even though you’re there in control#a tightly coiled spring covered in faux padding and ego#and while what you two are doing is supposed to be casual#your shared vulnerability about handling this is causing you to develop feelings#you‘ve done this before countless times with countless people#so why is he the one that’s tripping you up#is it because you actually got to know him first#that this was someone you cared about first#friend or not#so if you fuck this up#you ruined the one good thing you actually had#and your friendship is so much more valuable than the sex#but you agreed to help him through this#this is your reputation#you’re known for sleeping around#no wonder he trusts you#but you’ve never felt so unsure about anything
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Susannah: Yes. Yes, he did risk himself. We all did. A lot of it... OK, a bit half-assed but at least... some of it will stick! You have to try. It's not going to work any more, running for the same old burrows... we're rafting off into space - God! Frank sees it. He said to me one day, 'Suse... you know what's going to do for us all? Not the failure of intellect, moral, muscle - but the failure of imagination! They're all too busy with their snouts in the trough to smell the fire.'
Crystal: Yeah, he says some really daft things.
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Pam Gems, Loving Women (1984)
#100plays#pam gems#loving women#modern drama#theatre quotes#1984#Gems was known best for her adaptations of older works and for her biographical plays (including the phenomenally successful Piaf in 1978)#but she consistently produced original work too‚ tho with less commercial success. this comes from her middle period and is often described#as a comedy about a love triangle; which it is‚ really‚ but that somehow feels like a dismissive way to describe a play that can just as#often raise challenging questions about the nature of activism and social change‚ the complicated way that personal relationships and#polemical discourse can influence one another‚ and the inadequacy of passion alone (both in love and in politics) without a solid#foundation. neatly split into three sections at different points in the characters' lives‚ the first and third might more easily be#described as romantic comedy; the majority of the second scene‚ however‚ is a vicious argument between idealists at odds (or a#revolutionary and a lapsed revolutionary‚ maybe). our three characters are Frank‚ an activist social worker who has recently (at the#beginning of the play) suffered a nervous breakdown‚ his radical coworker and lover Susanne‚ and Crystal‚ the working class hairdresser who#has agreed to nurse Frank in return for a roof over her head. the first scene sets up the love triangle and suggests the disharmony to come#but it is the second scene‚ one year later (and with Frank having left Susanne for Crystal‚ apparently without even breaking up face to#face) (Susannah! sorry not sure why i keep writing Susanne); anyway this is the standout scene‚ a furious showdown between the newly#domesticated Frank and the woman he spurned. there is personal enmity on Susannah's part of course‚ as well as entirely reasonable#frustration at how Frank handled the affair‚ but the argument quickly becomes centred on issues of political dogma‚ his perceived betrayal#of 'the cause' (as well as her) and what he perceives as her naivety and tunnel vision in approaching the work they once shared#it is a shamelessly intellectual segment‚ full of angry‚ verbose tirades on the state of the nation and the futility or necessity of#radical action and subversive agitation‚ sparkling dialogue that demands to be spat with venom (and contrasted completely by a much gentler#meeting between the 2 characters a decade later in the final scene). part of Gem's beauty‚ tho‚ is that she never entirely loses the humour#of the piece‚ allowing for amusing asides like the one above (Crystal enters and leaves several times throughout the argument‚ clearly#uncomfortable with the situation). on the surface it might seem like Crystal is a mildly patronising character‚ unable to keep up with the#idealogical slant of the conversation‚ but as Frank makes clear‚ in many ways she's the most real of the three of them; not having the#privileged middle class background of the others‚ her seeming disinterest in revolution is borne of necessity‚ the necessity of first#staying alive (ie. feeding herself‚ finding a roof to sleep under‚ etc) leaving her little time to engage in the largely theoretical#grandstanding of the two socialists she's fallen in with.
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Tales of Suspense (1959) #77
#not Steve trying to say that the war isn’t ‘woman’s work’#genuinely really intrigued by ‘I haven’t the right to speak to you this way!’#which I’m assuming is because of how limited their relationship has been up to this point- they're not married#and then ‘I won’t let you do it!’#my impression of both Steve and Sharon in Captain America (2005) is that they were both really career-driven#and allowed that to take precedent over relationships#which in ways made them well-suited for each other and in others created difficulties#something that wasn’t addressed which was a disappointment to me#is whether or not Sharon wanted to get married and have children in the beginning#Steve explicitly wants that by the end of Brubaker’s run#compare that to the beginning of the series where his living situation is a compromise#because he likes having neighbors but it’s too dangerous so he lives in the city but in a building that’s been made to look abandoned#and therefore his presence in the area is minimal#and also Sharon visiting him because she’s concerned about him in the first issue is taken as an intrusion in his life#and compare all that to how Steve started out here with this mentality of ownership over the person you care about#it reads that the world of the future just made all that too complicated so he at that point had given up on it#and then we know exactly what Steve’s picturesque vision of the future is by the end#and it’s both traditional (emphasis on his and Sharon’s children being the future) and positive about change (sci-fi utopia)#and I suppose I just feel that Sharon’s perspective wasn’t as fleshed out so there’s less for me to work with#in finding that interesting throughline#like I’m confident that the Sharon of early Captain America (2005) wouldn’t care to be talked to this way#but I’m not sure what exactly she would have wanted outside of the specific unique circumstances of her relationship with Steve#post-Captain America (2005) with all her trauma and guilt over what happened to Steve#where she's become very devoted to him#marvel#steve rogers#peggy carter#my posts#comic panels
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Oh, absolutely, I 100% agree that fanfic has huge amounts of interiority, "looking at the characters' thoughts that we never get to see" is a huge part of why it's written! What I'm referring to with "fanfiction bad habits" (if they can even really be called that, because they're not always bad habits if you're actually writing fic!) is stuff like overdescription of appearance or gesture. Fic authors are trying to indicate that the character on the page is the same character as is on the screen, and part of what is distinctive about the character on the screen is their appearance/physicality. For instance, in SPN Sam Winchester has long(ish) hair as... more of an appearance note than anything else? you can dig for character meaning but the show really doesn't do that, but it's one of the most iconic elements of his character, so it gets referenced in fic a LOT and often in places where on a technical level it's either unnecessary or actively slows down a scene. Same goes for trying to exactly describe character outfits. If you switch to original prose and aren't trying to match a character who primarily exists in visual media, you don't need to be constantly describing their hairstyle or walk or appearance, but the habit is there and might be hard to notice or break.
HOWEVER I also completely agree with your statement that a lot of authors (ahem ahem SANDERSON) are writing like they really want to make a movie or TV show, I don't have anything to add but. yeah. that's definitely something I've noticed as well.
A lot of fiction these days reads as if—as I saw Peter Raleigh put it the other day, and as I’ve discussed it before—the author is trying to describe a video playing in their mind. Often there is little or no interiority. Scenes play out in “real time” without summary. First-person POV stories describe things the character can’t see, but a distant camera could. There’s an overemphasis on characters’ outfits and facial expressions, including my personal pet peeve: the “reaction shot round-up” in which we get a description of every character’s reaction to something as if a camera was cutting between sitcom actors.
When I talk with other creative writing professors, we all seem to agree that interiority is disappearing. Even in first-person POV stories, younger writers often skip describing their character’s hopes, dreams, fears, thoughts, memories, or reactions. This trend is hardly limited to young writers though. I was speaking to an editor yesterday who agreed interiority has largely vanished from commercial fiction, and I think you increasingly notice its absence even in works shelved as “literary fiction.” When interiority does appear on the page, it is often brief and redundant with the dialogue and action. All of this is a great shame. Interiority is perhaps the prime example of an advantage prose as a medium holds over other artforms.
fascinated by this article, "Turning Off the TV in Your Mind," about the influences of visual narratives on writing prose narratives. i def notice the two things i excerpted above in fanfic, which i guess makes even more sense as most of the fic i read is for tv and film. i will also be thinking about its discussion of time in prose - i think that's something i often struggle with and i will try to be more conscious of the differences between screen and page next time i'm writing.
#hi yes I'm going through the notes because I am actually fascinated by this discussion don't mind me#it's a balance. not all fic writers do this#there are a LOT of good ones (both fic and authors) that are enormously talented and don't#but it's an attempt to translate visuals into words and what is good in that specific scenario isn't always good#when you're starting with words to begin with#anyways as a fanfic writer myself I HAVE noticed that yeah I do have a nasty tendency to overdescribe How The Imaginary Actors Are Moving#bc I'm THINKING in terms of How The Actual Actors Are Moving#which leads to both complications with physical description AND with depictions of other characters#like if I want to get REALLY technical about it coming up through fanfic has DEFINITELY affected how I show emotion in characters#bc film/TV doesn't just state emotion or conflict or describe the thought patterns that can be interpreted#the actor has to SHOW it by acting#and so when I write I feel like the character has to also show it via body language that needs to be described#which CAN lead to some cool passages but as I mentioned earlier#I have a huge problem with constantly describing where everyone in the scene is Looking bc I'm trying to describe Subtle Acting#even though acting isn't a part of the artform I'm working in at all!#...anyways wow apparently I have a lot of thoughts on this issue um. feel free to ignore me if you don't like them I guess?#writing
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