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elvisabutler · 2 years ago

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oh god could we Please get a fic where austin gets pegged 🙏🙏🙏 i need it

get the feeling

summary: once upon a time there was a man in love with a woman. once upon a time that woman wanted to peg the man. the man had no real objections. fandom: austin butler rating: m pairing: austin butler x plus sized female reader word count: 2295 warning: pegging. use of the word good boy. at least faint dom/sub vibes. sub austin. little bit of crying. little bit of come play. talk about prepping for anal penetration. coming without being touched. handjobs technically. brief mention of the reader wanting to call a strap on a cock. a faint trace of feminization i think but i can't quite tell. just in case we'll add it. use of the color system ( red, yellow, green ) for sex. author’s note: ah anon, i know where this came from. i do throwaway lines and they come back to haunt me in the best of ways. i basically began and finished this today. something about getting a full proper night of sleep inspired me i guess. haven't written pegging in- forever because i think i've written it maybe once or twice for other fandoms. hope you enjoy and hope this scratched an itch for you. and consider this a continuation of every lover's got a dagger in their hand because that's what i did. also y'all wanna be part of my tag list fill this out here.

Ever since Austin had made what you and him both affectionately call "The Miscalculation" in thinking that maybe you enjoyed daddy kink you two hadn't really tried much of anything. Busy schedules preventing much more than quick pecks and just as quick sex. It's not a problem, you both knew what you signed up for being with the other person and yet it allows both of you- or at least you to fantasize when you're alone. It allows your mind to swirl with thoughts and images of various positions and things you want to do with Austin. It helps your job, allowing you to take scenes in ways that were new and adventurous while still staying firmly in agreed upon limits but you find yourself wishing more and more you could finally get an opportunity to enact the fantasy with the object of your fantasy.

Thankfully the opportunity presents itself in one of the rare weekends Austin has had off at the same time you are off. Or more accurately the opportunity to bring up the subject arose as he stroked your hair and you drew shapes on his torso.

"Would you ever mind being pegged? Or is that a hard no?" The question is asked with zero preamble but if there's one thing you're pretty certain Austin knows about you by now it's that you are incredibly direct when you want to be and this particular time is no exception. Truly, this time just goes hand in hand with any discussion you have about sex, just a remarkably frank talk that the other person just tends to be along on the ride for.

Austin chokes on his spit a little at the sudden question but recovers startlingly quick, planting a kiss on the crown of your head as he answers. "I. I never thought about it before The Miscalculation," he pauses and you hear the sound of his saliva wetting his lips as he licks them, "but it's been in my head for a little bit, lately. I know you'd take care of me."

Your mind latches onto the idea of him thinking about it like you had. It latches onto the idea that he's been fantasizing about you with a strap on sliding in and out of him. That he's been fantasizing about whimpering and whining and begging to come undone beneath you. You feel the fire of your arousal go from faint embers to a roaring heat as you grab one of his hands and feel his fingers slide through your folds. Your question comes out a little shaky.

"Can I take care of you tomorrow?"

As it turns out he had no objections to that in the slightest. There were no dinners you two had made plans to go to. There were no work related events that might crop up. There was nothing but you and him and your bed. It's been your experience that people do their best prep for things like this by themselves. Of course, you always do a final inspection and help where you can but there's something uniquely intimate about cleaning yourself out this way and you- despite knowing how much Austin cares for you and adores you, you don't want to rush him. You don't want to cause him any undue discomfort partially so that it doesn't sour the mere idea of the actions that are about to happen but also because he's the man you love. He's the man you love and the fierce protectiveness you know he feels for you goes both ways. Your own protectiveness wraps itself around him like an armor and you're loathe to hurt him- to cause a single chink in that armor.

He does a remarkably good job at prepping himself, and you wonder briefly if he truly has never done this before. You know he hasn't though, know it's just a side effect of knowing how to clean himself properly and thoroughly. When you open the door he has his fingers starting to trace his hole with some hesitation. It was one thing to clean himself out, another to lube himself up. Your voice is a soft murmur as you press your naked body against his, making sure your full breasts push against his back. "On the bed, baby boy. On the bed for your queen."

His lips curl into a smile at the term of endearment he's used for you once or twice before. Perhaps that should be what he calls you in situations like this, ma'am and queen. Perhaps that encompasses your relationship in ways mama and mistress and any other combination of words do. You hum as you watch him walk to the bed with all the grace of a newborn fawn before flopping on the bed. A chuckle leaves your lips and you know you should tell him move, to make it easier for you to make sure you thoroughly prep him but instead you lay down beside him and take the lube, generously coating your fingers before you start to prep him. Involuntarily he tenses before you shush him, your free hand stroking his cheek. "Relax, it's just me. Just making sure I won't hurt you. Remember how you work me open when I'm not ready?"

He nods, a noise that sounds almost like a whine escaping his lips as he relaxes slowly but surely allowing your finger to slide into his hole. You take your time, allowing Austin to set the pace as you feel him relax more and more. Your hand stays on his face for a few minutes before he grabs your wrist and moves it down his torso. He's always been sensitive there and you feel the muscles tense as your fingertips dance across the skin as you move lower and lower, brushing past his cock that's slowly filling up the more you press against his prostate and settle on his thigh. A squeeze has him whining your name as you shush him whispering little sweet nothings into his ears.You hear his breath even out even as it hitches when you hit that certain spot inside him or when you move to add another finger but he takes them so well. He takes them so well and you can't help the words that leave your mouth.

"That's my good baby boy, being good for your queen. Relaxing for her, getting ready to take her. Gonna look so pretty with me inside of you, aren't you? Gonna bounce up and down on your queen, hm? Or am I going to have to do all the work." The last words are punctuated by you removing your hand, marveling in how he grinds back, whining when there's nothing there.

"Y/N. Don't- Why did you take them out?" Austin's voice sounds minorly unfamiliar to his own ears as he keeps grinding back until you put them back in and brush against where he wants you to, a sigh of relief exiting his body.

"You don't want more? Don't want to be stretched out around my strap on?" The word cock itches in your mouth and dances around but you tamp down on the urge, this is your boyfriend not a client. "Your queen's been so good at prepping you, wouldn't want that to go to waste would we?"

His head shake would be entertaining if you didn't realize he might be sliding into a space he can't handle just yet. It's violent and has you pulling out your hand and your other hand to make him focus on you and before you get the words out he smiles, "green."

Green. He's fine and you move to grab the lube again, coating your hand and the dildo attached to your strap on, watching as his eyes zero in on it. He bites his lip, and you swear you see a bit of drool that has you putting on a bit of a show. "Baby boy? You want your queen to fill you up now? You gonna climb on top of her? Ride her like she's ridden you before?"

What happens next is something you weren't expecting. Austin has been nervous and you've been worried he's going to call this off. It would have been fine and you would have understood wholeheartedly but you wanted to fulfill a fantasy for both of you. Yet here was your nervous boyfriend practically clamoring on the bed to be able to sink himself down on you. You see the muscles in his arms tense as he holds himself up, trying to figure out the best way to do things before you grasp the dildo and nod slowly as if to tell him it's alright. You know he knows to go slow even if he's excitable and you see the tear and the way his face winces just a bit even with the preparation and your free hand moves to wipe those tears away and cup his cheek.

"Good boy, there you go, nice and steady. You've got this. I'm so proud of you. Taking me so well, gonna make you feel so good, baby boy," your murmurs have him humming softly as he looks down at you, love clear as day in his eyes even as they flutter shut. You had told him not to bottom out just yet but he does and nearly shoots off of you when he realizes he just put an obscene amount of pressure on his prostate.

"Fuck. Ma'am. Queen. Y/N," Every word he can think of to be a name for you erupts from his mouth in a whimper, his arms and his thighs shaking. He hasn't come and yet he knows he probably will sooner rather than later.

"What's happening?" You ask, as your hand moves from his cheek down his neck and down to his collarbone as he starts to move himself off of you only to sink back down with a growl. "Color?"

"G-Green. Green Yellow." He forces the words out as he looks at you, watches your hand move down his torso, scratching at his nipples in a fit of minor overstimulation. "Green Yellow."

"Too much?" A simple question as you pull your hand away only to have him grab your wrist and put it close to his cock, whining as you brush that spot inside him again. "You want me to play with your cock, baby boy?

He nods, the words floating away from his brain and making it impossible for him to answer with words. You should tell him you won't do it unless he can tell you what he wants, what he needs but you understand him better than anyone and know what he wants in this moment. He wants to lose himself, you figure. Not completely but just enough that you are completely in control of his pleasure. Your hand wraps around his cock and he cries out a little. Not in pain but in pleasure that has him bouncing as best as he can above you. One of his hands moves to play with your breasts, pinching and kneading your nipple and the breast itself. He can't tell if you're enjoying this, so he figures this will help. You ought to tell him that his sighs and whimpers and how you feel his thighs tighten around your own- not an easy feet but the way his legs are practically splayed even as he rides you- is a wonder to behold that has you dripping onto the bed. You should tell him you're thinking you're likely to come without being touched. You should tell him these things and yet you hold back, choosing to wrap your hand around his cock and slide it up and down, your thumb playing with the slit and earning hiss after hiss and whimper after whimper.

The muscles in his abdomen are tightening and everything seems to be being wound tighter and tighter and tighter the more you look at him. He opens his mouth to finally let words leave it, to finally ask for something he needs desperately. "Wanna come. Please. Help me, let me come, please."

His voice is so wrecked that you feel your own body shudder with an orgasm as your hand tightens around his cock once more. His whines are getting louder, more pitiful as you look up at him and practically coo, "come for me, baby boy. Cover your queen's chest in your come. Paint me all white."

That does it as he shudders and cries out your name, his release coming it spurts over your stomach and your breasts. His body sags and he whines at the overstimulation from him not holding himself up any more. You're not intensely strong but you're strong enough to shift the two of you into a side by side position that allows you to slide out of him, trying not to relish in how he whines at the loss and whimpers at you petting his cheek and his body. Your own legs are shaky but you need to get up and clean up and you start to before Austin lays his whole arm across you and shakes his head. "Stay just- We'll shower in a bit. Take a bath. I don't- I just want you here right now. Wanna watch you play with my come."

Those last words are half slurred and you can't help but crack a small smile as you take his hand and drag it through the mess he's left on your chest. After a moment of him just staring at you, marveling at what you did you take his fingers and suck on them to clean them off. "Think you can handle this playing right now, baby boy?"

"Green."

#austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler x you #austin butler x y/n #austin butler x plus size reader #austin butler smut #austin butler fanfic #austin butler fanfiction #sub austin butler #sub austin #austin butler fic #ally writes

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twwpress · 2 years ago

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Creator Spotlight #16: imperfectirises

Welcome back to the TWW Author Spotlight! For every spotlight, we’ll ask each featured author the same ten questions (as well as questions you submitted on Twitter!). This week we’re thrilled to be talking with @_alexandrarando (on Twitter, imperfectirises on AO3)!

1) What are your top 5 desert island fics by other authors?

“So It Goes” by nomadicwriter https://archiveofourown.org/works/47601/chapters/62375

“As Long As There Are Stars” by nomadicwriter https://archiveofourown.org/works/49650/chapters/65266

“Tomorrow” by Pollygw https://archiveofourown.org/works/15103847/chapters/35022290

“Rainy Zurich” by jimhopper https://archiveofourown.org/works/37466461

“A Difficult Journey: Bringing Abbey Home” by Babyphd https://archiveofourown.org/works/32342320/chapters/80176279

2) Do you have a favorite character to write? Favorite ship(s) to write? Are there characters or ships you'd like to write more of?

Abbey Bartlet is my favourite character to write. I’ve always been drawn to her dynamic and feisty attitude. I think she’s one of the strongest female characters in the series, and is the backbone of the administration.

My favourite ship is Jed and Abbey. I love how the series explores what happens behind the doors of the White House and the relationship between the President and First Lady. It always baffled me that Aaron Sorkin didn’t write a backstory for Jed and Abbey, he just wrote the episodes as they came. But Martin Sheen and Stockard Channing’s chemistry is so beautiful and enticing, it makes you wonder about their backstory.

I definitely want to write more about Mrs Landingham, CJ, Leo and The Bartlet Daughters.

3) Tell us about your writing process (setup/location? Night or day? Snacks/beverages? Computer/phone/notebook? Music or silence? Anything else you want to share is welcome!)

I usually write on my laptop or in a notebook. I like writing in my room or in other places like cafes. I don’t mind listening to music while I’m writing. I usually make a playlist dedicated to the character I’m writing for and it helps build on the inspiration for the piece.

4) What writing advice do you have for others who may be reading this?

My advice is to write. Keep a journal, or set up a pinterest board for inspiration. The creative process is entirely up to you, but if you set aside some time once a week to write, or even plan your story, then you’ll see where it leads you.

5) From where do you usually draw your inspiration? (Other forms of media, music, tropes, etc?)

When writing a fic, I usually draw inspiration from watching the series or returning to certain scenes which may spark an interesting writing idea. I’m also inspired by the characters and the actors who portray them. For my fic, “Miracle”, I drew inspiration from one of Stockard Channing’s films where she tackles motherhood and postpartum depression. I loved her performance in “Unexpected Family” and “Unexpected Life” and automatically pictured Jed and Abbey in this alternative universe, where they were expecting another child and how it affects the administration and their private lives.

Miracle: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40434726/chapters/101293683

6) What is the fic you've written that you're most proud of and why?

I am so proud of “Miracle”. I originally planned to write a few chapters, but then it expanded to 20 chapters. In this story, Abbey finds herself pregnant and while it’s surprising and joyous news for The Bartlet’s, Abbey’s postnatal period plays a huge impact on her personal and professional life. I’m proud of this story because it shows Abbey continuing to be strong and resilient while her life is constantly changing. It’s taking the “what if” for a spin and exploring how the dawn of the 24 hour media cycle can place pressure on people in the spotlight.

Miracle: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40434726/chapters/101293683

7) What's the fic trope/concept/AU you'd read 1000 of? What's the fic trope/concept/AU you'd write 1000 of?

Love reading CJ and Toby fics, Jed and Abbey prequel stories and stories set after the Bartlet administration.

8) Is there anything you'd like to try writing-wise that you haven't yet?

I would like to attempt a post canon fic.

9) What's your go-to Starbucks/coffee shop/other drink order?

Coffee order varies from Lattes to Mocha. But I usually drink English Breakfast, Peppermint or Chai tea.

10) Do you have any current projects you'd like to promote or anything upcoming you'd like to tell us about?

After “Two Cathedrals” we saw a young Jed Bartlet, but it broke my heart that we didn’t see a young Abbey Bartlet.. After finishing the series for the second time, I was inspired to write their prequel story about how Jed met Abbey and withdrew his ambitions to become a Priest.

I'm enjoying the research stage and going back to certain Jed and Abbey scenes to link back to their prequel story. It’s great to be creative with this story and write about what Jed and Abbey were like in College and how their decisions impacted their lives. What I would love people to take away from “Wait For Me” is to watch the show and think back to this story and see a connection to the canon storyline.

Wait For Me: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40597572/chapters/101714730

Submitted questions:

From @S4MWILS0N:

fave ship, platonic duo, plot arc? Fave ship:Jed and Abbey

Platonic ship/friendship: Jed and Mrs Landingham

Plot arc: Abbey forfeiting her medical license and

easiest character voice to write? Mrs Landingham

funniest one liner? “Can we have a civilisation!”

saddest scene? The montage scene with Zoey’s photos and The Bartlet’s going to Church at the end of Season 5 Episode 1: 7A WF 83429

fave outfit, side character, monologue? Fave outfit: Abbey’s blue evening gown from Season 6 Episode 7: A Change is Gonna Come

Side character: Margaret

Monologue: Jed’s monologue in Season 2 Episode 22: Two Cathedrals

most underrated and overrated eps? Underrated: Season 6 Episode 9: Impact Winter

Overrated: don’t have one

craziest au idea you’ve ever had ? Seeing Martin Sheen in Grace and Frankie just makes me think of Jed and Leo being together.

what media do u think would have a good crossover with tww? Grey’s Anatomy or Veep

From @mlea7675: What drew you to Jed/Abbey in particular? Was there a particular episode or moment that sealed the deal?

While I was watching The West Wing, I was always drawn to Jed and Abbey. I found them so interesting and inspiring to watch, and being a fan of Stockard Channing, I knew I had to explore more of Abbey and her relationship with Jed. What makes Abbey so fantastic is her strength, intelligence and beauty. I really admire all these qualities and being a fan of this show for 14 years, it’s always remained part of my life.

One moment which really stands out for me is the episode where Jed tells Abbey he could’ve been an astronaut. I love this scene because it’s hilarious and the exchange between Martin and Stockard is perfect! But in this small scene, the audience continues to see how strong their bond is as a couple.

Another episode which cements my love for them, is the moment Jed can’t put his pants on and asks Abbey to help him. Jed then says to Abbey “So this is why they make you take vows.”

Thanks again to alexandra for participating, and thanks to everyone who asked questions! If you’d like to be featured in an upcoming Creator Spotlight, message us here on tumblr, email [email protected], or DM us on twitter (@twwpress).

xx, What’s next?

#the west wing #west wing #tww #tww fandom #tww fic #tww fic rec #creator spotlight #jed bartlet #abbey bartlet #jed x abbey

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hakhub · 2 years ago

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(Short Story) Matchsticks

Oof it happened.

I was shitposty-joking with myself when I thought about how funny it would be to write a Bond 10 fic where they Totally Bang but the scene shifted in tone so many times that 10 months later I am now sitting with this 8,600 word existential nightmare for Bond 11. I wish I could have gone over this one a few more times (mostly to rework my clumsy ass similes) but I had promised myself I'd post this no matter what form it was in once he dinged so AAA.

PG-13: It gets steamy but there's no sex. Can't fault them for trying though

Pairing: Achilles x Hako (Mastersona)

Achilles flexed his fingers and readied his spear, staring down his former mentor’s golden bow.

The training area was sparsely populated given the time of night- or rather, time of very early day- it wasn’t completely out of the norm for him to train at any and all hours of a cycle, but his intentions were more muddled than usual when he suddenly propositioned Chiron for a training battery and the latter agreed.

Tellingly, he was more than aware enough to know he hated training with Chiron.

He took a sharp inhale, wound his fingers along the length of his spear, and burst to a sprint. In some desperate attempt to keep himself sharp, he was willingly going to subject himself to an opponent he knew had no concept of taking it easy. He swatted back waves of golden arrows that Chiron unleashed for what felt like minutes of sustained fire; he could barely advance forwards, pinned by the overwhelming number of projectiles and performing as usefully as a dull stick in a gun fight.

A voice scolded him in the back of his mind, “what’re you doing? Get your act together!”

He snapped himself back to the present and had already seen the bout’s ending blow about to reach him and it was far too late to dodge. He was struck in the thigh by a particularly sneaky shot from Chiron and clumsily fell to the floor with a pained grunt.

Chiron dryly added, “sloppy catch, that one.”

Achilles yanked the stray bolt from his leg and tossed it aside, “as if I don’t know that already.”

He flexed his fingers to shake off whatever unspoken words were daring to formulate in his mind and put himself back into stance.

“Are you sure you want to continue?” the question was steady in tone and it immediately hit him as patronizing. It made him scowl.

His imagination added the impatient toe taps of a very familiar pair of sneakers in the corner. He turned his head and he could see them standing off to one end of the training area, their arms crossed and their foot continuing to tap on the floor, an unamused expression marring their face. Their dark little eyes squinted on him, focused and demanding as they always used to be.

“What the hell are you doing lookin’ at me? Answer him, dipshit!” they gestured at Chiron emphatically.

“Achilles?” Chiron drew him out of his reveries.

“Huh? What?” he shook his head and returned to stance, “I’m ready. Let’s go!”

“Have you considered stopping for a moment to examine yourself?”

His eyes narrowed from Chiron’s unsolicited comment, “and why’s that?”

“You’re quite clearly distracted.”

“I’m not-“ he cut himself off, the corners of his mouth terse and annoyed at the notion Chiron was completely correct on, “then what do you suggest?”

“That you perhaps ponder on the matters bothering you,” Chiron left with a parting shoulder pat, “although I am certain you were already aware of that.”

He sighed upon his teacher’s departure and dissipated his spear, “tch. I could have won that on a good day.”

But it wasn’t a good day, was it?

He lifted his gaze to the usual corner Hako would sit in, their favorite spot to coach and lead the thousands of training exercises they personally designed, but there was no one there. No one had been there for weeks; no one was there to criticize his performance down to the minutia, no one was there to aggravate him with incessant nagging on proper form or proper procedure, and no one was there to argue with him until the sun came up. To think, someone a fraction of his size and with twice an explosive temper had carved out such a known presence for him that nothing seemed right without them around.

He scoffed to no one but himself and stuffed his hands into his pockets; getting into a good spar wouldn’t be good if he couldn’t even get himself to proper form. In a rare move, he left the training area behind him.

The halls were just as sparsely populated as all the other corridors he had passed. Justifiable, he figured, given the time. Most of those that didn’t need physical sleep like himself were off enjoying their downtime in their own spaces, keeping to themselves and keeping quiet. But even then things were way too quiet. There wasn’t even a gaggle of child Servants chattering the night away, since they were almost always following the candy filled pockets of Hako-

He ceased his train of thought, hoping to derail the conclusions he was coming to with something else. But he couldn’t stop himself. The walls were less bright. The floors were dull underneath his boots. The further and further he walked it only became more evident that without Hako’s usual banter and presence that everything felt barren, everything felt…

Joyless.

He stopped mid-stride.

“Achilles? It’s not like you to wander about here,” Jeanne D’Arc caught his attention, having turned the corner, “couldn’t find any partners for the training area?”

He shrugged his shoulders, “can’t I go for a walk, stretch my legs a little?”

His attempt at playing coy may as well have been transparent given how quickly Jeanne saw through him. Her tone possessed a knowing lilt.

“Didn’t your definition of stretching your legs involve property damage?”

He raised his hands, feigning impending arrest, “You’ve got me there, miss. Guilty as charged for the water cooler last week.”

“The one you punted, hm? Like a football?” she added wryly, “you’re lucky I found it amusing.”

“Somebody has to be the fun one around here. I’m rather responsible taking up the charge for base-wide entertainment every week.”

Jeanne released a giggle, “oh, Heavens. You? Responsible?”

“Alright I may be slightly exaggerating.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” she took a step forward to inspect him closer. He leaned against the wall in response, obscuring his hands by slipping them into his pockets once more, “what brings you to this part of the base?”

His eyes darted to Jeanne- her focus was completely on him, absorbing details and coming to conclusions (however accurate they could be) in her own mind. A lump formed at the back of his throat before he turned the angle of his body to better face her, playing casual.

“I forgot, by the way,” he cleared his throat, “to congratulate you.”

She tilted her head.

“On the grailing,” he completed.

Her expression softened from inquisitiveness to understanding. She paused for a half-breath before adding in the same playful lilt she had used before, “I was surprised how easy the process was. Amazing how fast a palingenesis goes when Master Hako isn’t resorting to throwing the grails.”

He cracked a lopsided smile: of course she knew. He looked away from her a moment to finally ask, “how are they?”

“Hm?”

“Hako.”

“They’re fine. Why are you-“

“They uh…” he started to rub the back of his neck, “they’ve been scarce for months.”

“Not quite scarce so much as they’re working hard in their studio. You know just as well as anyone they like their alone time with their music.”

“This seems different, though. They get really mad if anyone knocks on the door to check on them.”

Jeanne visibly was taken aback, “Oh, so you did try to talk to them?”

“I tried a little while ago, but they-“ he hid his hands in his pockets again, shrugging dismissively as if doing so would dissuade further scrutiny, “got upset. Told me to leave them alone and slammed the door shut.”

Jeanne scoffed gently, “that hasn’t stopped you before, Achilles.”

He snorted, “true. But they did seem really mad. Not like the fun-mad, but actually mad.”

She tilted her head at him, “if you’re that worried about them, why not say something? Better for you to speak to them directly than make me relay in your stead.”

She copied his shrug as she passed him in the corridor, “after all, I wouldn’t be able to capture your innate charm.”

His eyes were on Jeanne’s fluttering navy cape as she passed him, but he wasn’t actually focusing on her. He exhaled through his nose and turned on his heel to continue in the same direction he had been walking towards: Hako’s studio. Being direct and confrontational was supposed to be his style after all, and even subconsciously he was making his way there before Jeanne had prodded him.

Although what troubled him more was the idea he really was that worried about them. They were normally so upfront with mood; seeing them withdrawn and unwilling to talk at all, responding friendliness with vitriol wasn’t in line with them. If anything given past experience it meant something weighed on them, and no one benefit from that. There was always a difference between the more entertaining insults and barbs they threw back and forth with each other compared to the actual anger they showed him last.

Would this time be different?

He turned the last corner and the studio was just a few feet away. He kept his stride patient and steady, his eyes fixated on the lonely door at the end of the hall. He started to outstretch his hand to grasp the knob until the door swung open and he (narrowly) dodged getting hit in the face.

“Let’s go Mommy!” Jack tugged Hako behind her by the hand, the pair emerging from the studio in a rush, “go, go, go! Mommy’s been cooped up in their music closet for too long and I want to be tucked in!”

“Aw come on Jack, you don’t even need sleep-“ Hako wasn’t putting in a complete effort to resist the child tugging them along but did seem visibly annoyed (albeit in a gentler, less violent fashion than with anyone else), “and would ya quit callin’ me Mommy? Chrissakes I ain’t even related to you. And what’d I say about breakin’ in the studio when I’m in there!?”

Jack of course was completely ignoring any excuses Hako was spouting, too occupied with chirping about songs she could have for her lullaby and her arbitrarily planned nap.

His eyes fell to the open studio door.

It wasn’t like he would be able to ask since now they were busy with Jack, so it would be reasonable just to see, wouldn’t it?

He checked both ends of the hallway for an explicit lack of witnesses and then stepped inside.

The studio, despite some cheap renovations to work in a soundboard and a stack of computers, was still just a repurposed closet with a worktable on one side. The quarters were tight despite removal of the old shelving, and it seemed purposefully tailored for someone as small-bodied as Hako was (at least in comparison to anyone more than six inches taller than them). The normally blue-toned lights used around the base were replaced with incandescent bulbs, less energy efficient but exuding warmer light. He wondered, idly, if Hako had chosen older light bulbs just for the sake of immersion. Most of the equipment looked repurposed, wires strung out and reattached or soldered to other consoles; the only thing that didn’t look jerry-rigged was the wired headset plugged into the main console port, and even that had been so tightly packed in with everything else he could barely spread his arms out before hitting something. The space on the floor was clear enough that he wouldn’t trip, but the entire console area in front of him was cluttered with an eclectic mix of wires, guitar strings, used coffee cups, plectrums, and candy. Still, there was nothing particularly indicative in view that gave him any insight.

“No wonder Jack is the only one that could get in here- ow!” he murmured and winced when his forehead struck a low-hanging box, one situated just a little too far out from its proper spot on the shelf perpendicular to the worktable. Given the height it was within reach of someone like Hako if they were standing on a chair but perfect for him to walk into without looking.

He reached up to grab the lip of the box, noting that it wasn’t particularly heavy and hoisted it to get a better look inside and nearly dropped the parcel at the sight of glimmering flames in gleaming cups.

“Bond Chalices? There’s at least ten of them,” he remarked, examining the first golden cup in his hand, meticulously cared for like every grail he had seen Hako handle. He rotated the cup along its stem, spotting a piece of tape with something else attached.

He plucked off the attachment to find a memory stick and a name inscribed on its surface: Jeanne D’Arc.

His eyes darted to the rest of the box contents and he started to dig. He picked up the first one he saw and found a similar memory stick with Jack’s name written on it. He picked another to find one designated for Ishtar. He picked up the fourth and his breath escaped his body.

The fourth was labelled for him.

His gaze couldn’t lift from his name written in their scrawl. It transfixed him. The sight of it simmered lower and lower into his mind like a capsizing boat. The other recipients made sense: Jack was their young charge, Jeanne was their closest confidante, Ishtar was their temperamental center, but why him? Why would they prepare something so generous especially given how angry they were about him even asking last time?

He plucked the memory stick taped to his designated gift and flitted to the computer access port on the worktable.

He had to know.

He plugged the memory stick into the port, noting how the computer displayed a duration timer and started to play a sound file that was stuck inside. He lifted the headphones from their perch and put them on with a mounting sense of anxiety.

At first he could only pick up faint static, presumably the recording equipment being set up. there were a few scuffling noises and the creak of a chair before he finally heard the unmistakable sound of Hako grumbling to themselves.

“Ugh. I’m really going to do this, huh?” their voice cracked into laughter, some pale attempt to ready themselves, “fuck. It was so easy to do this for everyone else, but…”

Their scoff was noticeably self-depreciating, “with you, it’s always hard. I keep tellin’ myself that it’s ‘cause you’re a jackass-“

He smirked at first from their quip, but it was the following remark, one lowered in volume and softened in tone that tensed him back up.

“But there’s always more to it than the first thing in my head about you, isn’t there?”

Their fingers raked at the metal strings of their guitar.

“I got this problem, you know? I don’t know how to turn this shit off, alright? I want to be honest, I want to tell the truth but I- with you it’s so…god damn it.”

He could hear them muss with their headband; it was a mannerism typically used for being exasperated.

“Fuck. I don’t know what’s right at this rate,” they continued, “my words…my words’ve failed me every time I try.”

They took a deep breath and released it gingerly, “So I thought…maybe I’ll try this. The only way I know how to say something. So…here goes.”

The only way they could say something?

He finally noticed that the recording had entire minutes remaining.

Hako plucked at their acoustic guitar, dull yet gentle rakes of their fingertips along its metal strings. The sound, welcoming and soft, slackened his jaw. His fingertips unwound from the bundled mess of wires connecting the headphones to the desktop, falling to his sides. His chest ached. What on Earth was he experiencing?

Their song had an eased gait, wordless and merely made of simplistic notes. They made the melody sound so haphazard, so casually strung together, yet he knew that every note was weighed carefully by them with thought and consideration. It all was so deliberate yet effortless.

They had always said that music could transport, that it could transform. He believed them halfheartedly; sure, he could accept that for someone like Hako, who valued music more than they valued anything else, listening and thinking about esoteric sound waves had intrinsic and implicit meaning. It didn’t apply to himself though. He was too literal, too based in reality and able to see things as they were. Music was nice to listen to- he would grant them that- and he understood the importance of rhythm for setting movement and unity but for sound waves in certain orders inspiring deep meaning? It was utter nonsense. His appreciation of song was a casual affair, something evocative of a good time and nothing more for its duration. There were more important things he could see, touch, and taste that were more tangible and less hypothetical.

Oh how wrong he had been.

It had been in the way their fingers bent each string, flexing briefly before the recorder caught a slight squeak just as the next chord took shape. Each small pluck felt like a stepping stone beneath him, small musings and thoughts that painted pictures of something long buried, something in a life he had lived entire centuries ago.

He could see a sea of golden fields, the brush of grain tickling against his ankles and wrists as a child when he took his first run, arms outstretched to experience the world around him. There was no weighted armor impeding him then. He was safe, and always happy. He remembered laughing until his sides hurt, tumbling down hills as he hunted for small game as a burgeoning warrior that hadn’t even become cognizant of what war and rampant violence really meant. He remembered the sensation of reaching out and finally experiencing the rush of affection that came in holding someone else’s hand.

He thought of dark eyes, the same ones that regarded him softly and quietly. He thought of matching hair, frayed and shaggy, a warm hue that could gleam amber and gold in bright enough light. He thought of a familiar smile, crooked and with prominent fangs that peeked out beneath soft lips he hadn’t tasted yet. He thought of how his spirits lightened, how he felt reassured upon the sight of them welcoming him back. He thought of one fateful night, the one where he came to know the finite and fleeting delight of lying with Patroclus for the very first time.

How could a song Hako recorded possibly evoke so much? How could such feelings well inside of him the way they were, with warmth and joy, and-

They started to sing.

He never had heard them sing like they did on tape. Typically they shouted and screamed and yelled, and when they did perform in the presence of Servants they had intentionally used their speaking voice instead of actually aiming to hit notes. Even when singing lullabies to Jack they had masked their actual sound with a subtle hum. They had crafted a disingenuous visage. Now, without restraint and without their perpetual falsehoods holding them back their cadence carried and carried in the recording, exposed to him alone.

Their voice hit warm and sweet with a touch of air that let them float between guitar plucks in rhythmic rises and falls. Yet despite its initial gentle brush to his ears there was also a great deal of pain lurking within, a sound that became known in a sustained note that struck him like the sight of a firelight in the night.

He finally recollected that he had heard words like the ones they were singing before, months ago.

It had been the tail-end of the annual summer trip, and the campsite was finally settling down for the last night. Jack was asleep by their feet, curled up in her usual clingy way, while they remained perched on a log with their guitar taking the spot on their lap. They were plucking at its strings absentmindedly while their focus, their attention, rest on the bonfire meant to keep everyone warm. Their lips were moving, now in hindsight mumbling the lyrics to the song, but barely any sound came out and he didn’t recognize it at the time.

“Nah, that’s not right…” they shook their head, flattening their fingers against the strings to stop them from vibrating.

“What’re you doing?” he asked. Back then, he didn’t know any better.

“Huh? Oh uh,” they glanced at him and then gave a dismissive wave, “nothin’ important. Just a song I’m trying to learn.”

“You seemed frustrated. Is it hard?” he sat next to them, looking out at the other Servants that were cleaning up some ways away.

“You could say that,” Hako put their guitar to the unoccupied side of the log, “I’m having a hard time getting the voice right.”

“Voice? Like what, singing it?”

“Part of it. I meant voice like…a tone, you know? A mood.”

“What’s so hard about it? It’s just a feeling.”

“It’s a feeling I’m not apt at,” Hako admitted, “I always struggle with love songs.”

“Love songs huh? What’s the occasion?” he punched their arm playfully, “what bet did you lose?”

“Wha- it wasn’t for a bet you jackass!” they shot back, whacking his fist aside, “ugh nevermind. You wouldn’t get it.”

“I’m just joking around!” He waved his hands with a bright laugh, “C’mon. I promise I won’t judge.”

Hako hunched over to a comfortable slouch, resting their cheek in one hand, “Just thinking about someone.”

“Aw, first boyfriend? Girlfriend?”

“It’s not like that! I knew you wouldn’t get it,” they snapped, placing their glowering stare towards the fire instead.

“You can’t do the secretive ‘thinking about someone’ line and expect me not to pry a little.”

Hako scoffed, then smiled crooked and wry, their prominent fangs peeking out beneath their lip, “I really can’t hide anything from you nowadays, can I?”

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, tilting his head to the nearby woods, “tch, maybe you’re just that easy to read.”

They laughed, “That’s rich, comin’ out of you. Alright I’ll humor you.”

They rest their elbows at their knees and leaned towards the light, “It was someone I really cared about. Someone I really liked.”

The last statement lingered on him; Hako was never open about their personal relationships. Hardly anyone on base even knew if they had ever dated anyone or even had interest in other people. It had always just been an assumption that they simply weren’t interested in much companionship, romantic or platonic or otherwise. The people they were close with were simply the Servants that were around the longest or in Jack’s case, were a child that needed protection.

His curiosity was piqued so it only seemed apt to engage them, “oh yeah? What were they like?”

Their eyes flicked to his face and their mouth opened slightly- they hadn’t expected him to actually ask further. Their body tensed momentarily as if something was going to fall on their lap before they adjusted their seating position, “he was… great.”

They blinked slowly, their expression softening to something wistful, “He was everything I could have ever wanted.”

He watched them take a steady draw of breath after finishing their sentence. He could have sworn that something glimmered at the corners of their eyes and leaned forward to see, “Did you-“

They turned away at the last moment, adjusting the bandana around their neck.

“But I didn’t act on it. He had somebody else. And even if I did say anything, it wouldn’t matter anyway since he’s dead.”

Achilles withdrew and rest his hands on his lap, “…oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t know-”

“It was fine, really. I’m over it,” Hako rubbed their nape, looking off into the woods, “I was happy just to be near him.”

They shifted in their seat again, tucking one leg to their chest and their head looking skyward with unreadable intent.

Without thinking he had mirrored their posture and watched the twinkling stars, and with even less thought released his best attempt at a comforting (but humorous) remark, “his loss.”

Hako turned.

“I’m sure you would’ve been really sweet with him.”

Their flinch was subtle; his remark had put them off guard. Before he could make an observation on it though they just as swiftly glanced aside to conceal a quick pawing at their face. There may have been a stray tear they didn’t want him to take notice of.

With their mood starting to turn around for the better he added, “Maybe- who knows- you’d put out before the third date.”

“You fuckin’ bitch!” despite how upset they sounded, and despite their tiny hands swatting at him like a rotating propeller of rage, they were laughing from his teasing, “you WISH somebody put out before the third date!”

“Yeah, it’s called forgoing pleasantries and getting to the good part- ow!” he was cheerful until their fist finally made contact with his face, “what’s with you and right hooks lately?”

They shook their hand out, “what’s with you and your punchable face?”

The both of them were cackling raucously, bobbing side to side on their shared seat until Hako quieted down at the sight of the still slumbering Jack clinging to their feet.

“Better keep it down, yeah?” Achilles noted.

“Yeah,” they reached over to pet Jack’s head and gingerly reposition themselves so that their feet were not held hostage by their very clingy Servant, “thanks though. For listenin’.”

“Anytime.”

Another silence fell between them, only filled by small crackles of fire. He reflected on their recent conversation, and especially Hako’s shy body language. He hadn’t really seen them behave like a waffling schoolgirl before and it normally wasn’t his cup of tea, but then again he had also never seen them so worked up about something that they were fighting back tears. Someone like Hako didn’t break, even during combat when their life or their Servants’ lives were threatened. He normally admired their bravado, but-

“Hey, Achilles,” Hako’s voice drew him back.

He sat up straighter, “what?”

“Do you ever worry if you’re someone’s replacement?” they had looked at him a moment before returning their gaze to the dying fire pit.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Like if you’re only valued because you fulfill someone else’s missing niche.”

“What, like a job?”

“Yeah, just with people. Friendships, family, romance. Doesn’t matter,” they began vaguely at first, “there’s specific things we all want from other people. Companionship. Love. Sex. Food. So we take the things that are convenient, the small aspects that we enjoy from other people, and we give away what pieces they want in return. It’s like we’re filling the spaces we’re missing, the things we’re all deficient in.”

“Is that really what you think?”

“So what if I do? Of course I’m guilty of it. I use people. And people use me.”

He held his breath and a frown, glancing to the fading flames before him.

Their question felt like an accusation, “What I’m asking is how long does it take before we take too much? When is it that as you look at someone, you start erasing what’s actually there to fit some ideal you really want?”

The air surrounding them shifted once more, making Achilles start to panic; the ambient light of the fire rapidly faded, sinking them both into darkness. He scrambled to say something, anything at all, to restore their more peacefully jovial atmosphere, but he wasn’t equipped with anything of worth.

They turned on their heel to leave, “ah whatever. Gettin’ too philosophical for my own good. I need another drink. Keep the fire goin’ will you? It’ll be freezing as all fuck if you let it die.”

Achilles lowered the headphones from his ears, the sound of Hako’s song just loud enough for him to still hear in the isolation of their unoccupied recording studio. He hadn’t realized it had looped a second time that he was so lost in thought. His fingertips brushed against the surface of the headphones, noting the wear and tear on the padding, but his mind was quite clearly elsewhere.

He thought of their last extended conversation during the summer, now months ago. He thought of their words about replacements. Their voice continued to repeat in his mind.

“When is it that as you look at someone, you start erasing what’s actually there to fit some ideal you really want?”

His fingers flexed the headphones; how long were they both dancing around in circles as they were? How long did he care about them the way he did, knowing full-well that in their eyes he was merely projecting his feelings for Patroclus onto them? Could he be guilty? Was he truly filling in the gaps on a convenient vessel that bore some resemblance to the actual person he wanted at his side? What about them? There was always the inkling in the back of his mind in the way they treated him, that perhaps there was something Hako had wanted to offer him that wasn’t the occasional drink and play-fight, but was he in return a consolation prize for someone else they wanted to have?

He thought back to golden fields and one fateful night beneath a haze of stars and victory, to see and be elated by the sight of Patroclus’ crooked and toothy grin. Did he want to make Hako laugh as often as he did because he wanted to, because they were friends, or was it because they smiled the same way his long deceased dearest had? Was he simply trying to be close to them to make a crude facsimile of his past? Was it even worth it to feel anything for anyone at this rate, if all anyone and everyone would ever do was try to force others into roles they were never made for?

His eyes fell to the lonely hum of Hako’s voice continuing to sing on recording. For all their song’s intricately woven beauty, it had also been one made from bittersweet nostalgia; it was all they could lend voice to for their emotions and especially their doubts and fears. At the core of it all they were asking him the same question they had posed to him months before.

How could we see more than a sum of parts if we only projected our losses and desires onto each other?

His thumbs pressed against the padding; he had to give an answer of his own, one that wouldn’t fail either of them. He turned on his foot to face the entrance.

He would have steeled himself but Hako had opened the studio door before he could think of anything remotely eloquent.

“Must have forgotten to lock up,” they remarked, checking the locks on the door and not even aware to the fact he was standing a mere handful of feet out of their field of vision, “hm. At least the lock works-“

They turned and spotted him immediately.

His throat ran dry.

“Achilles? What the fuck are you doin’ here?” they didn’t sound terribly agitated, more benignly curious if anything. Their sleep attire and untied hair denoted they were checking the studio before going to sleep themselves.

They blinked at him quizzically, drawing what he could only suppose were thousands of possible conclusions in their mind at the sight of him frozen in place next to the console, with a headset in his hands, and the display clearly showing that he was listening to the song file they had made for him.

“I uh-“ he had to cough to clear out an imaginary clog in his windpipe, causing him to fumble the headphones and clatter it to the floor.

Dropping something must have activated Hako’s perception since they immediately selected their conclusion of choice and transitioned from docile to furious; they slammed the studio door behind them and rushed the still-playing console, “Stop the playback. NOW.”

“I haven’t been here long-“ he had tried to throw a non-sequitur excuse but Hako wasn’t going to have it.

“STOP IT NOW!” they lunged for the console but he obstructed them.

“Hako, let me explain-“

“I’m not interested in excuses-” their arms jutted for the console again but Achilles moved to intercept, grabbing hold of their wrists, “Turn off the playback and get the fuck outta my sight! Rrgh! Let me go!

“Not until you calm down.”

“Calm? How can I be calm when you fuckin’ barge in here and rummage through my stuff! This is private and it’s only for me to hear!”

“You wrote my damn name on it!” he exclaimed.

“Turn it off- turn it off and leave me alone!” in their struggle, the plug for the headphones had come undone, catapulting the track into the studio. They froze from the waves of sound filling the room until all at once their anger dramatically rose in magnitude, “this is none of your business!”

“None of my business? You lock yourself up for days, weeks, now it’s months on damn end and you expect me to just pretend everything’s fine?” in his own frustration he hadn’t realized the strength he was using when he shoved them to an adjacent wall, his hands clenching their wrists so tight that any further he would wound them, “do you have any idea how worried I was?!”

“I don’t need you to care about me, Achilles. I don’t need you feeling sorry for me. I got enough going on as it is,” they jerked from left to right to free themselves from his grasp but he still wouldn’t relent, “so let me go already!”

“Don’t need- how full of shit are you?” he cut through their fury with his own, knocking their knuckles against the wall, “you expect me to not care about you, yet from day one you’ve been on my case. You’re everywhere I go and you’ve been stuck to me for years and now you want to pretend everything we’ve been through is meaningless? You want to pretend we’re not friends? What the hell is your damage?! How does someone like you be so incapable of saying what they really mean? What does it take for you to be honest with anyone?”

Hako recoiled, unable to conjure vital vitriol that they were so easily able to attack with before.

He kept his momentum, “Tell me. How does grailing me, setting aside a bond chalice for me, and singing the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard mean absolutely nothing to you?“

“Shut up,” their voice was shrill but hard to hear, “just shut up-“

The leather of his gloves creaked from strain as his voice metered lowly, “How can I not care about you when you do all of that?”

“Shut up! Shut up!” Hako planted both of their feet to the ground and pushed forward with everything they had, “LET ME GO!”

The space was so small he barely moved six inches before bumping his back to the wall, unwittingly turning off the lights in the room. His grip loosened and Hako retreated from view. The space became more cramped despite being unable to see one another, completely enveloped in pitch. An even more poignant silence ruminated between them despite the consistent presence of Hako’s recorded voice and guitar.

He could only guess they both were on opposite sides of the room; even if there was maybe a foot or two between them, a hundred miles wouldn’t be enough to feel safe. A thick knot twisted at the back of his throat, disabling him from dredging up leftover frustration and anger. He wanted to stay mad and shoot for a dramatic finish, maybe a fight that would irreparably damage their working relationship for good, one that could break his contract, but he couldn’t bring himself to say more.

He hadn’t meant to, but knowing about the bond chalice and hearing the song had exposed them to him. It exposed everything. He had said too much in turn, and now matters were beyond repair between them. There was no going back to playful jabs and funny little arguments.

A dull fog of static replaced the old playback; Hako must have found a way to turn it off despite not seeing very well. Tellingly, the volume had risen to a level that made it impossible to think.

The sound of them kicking the console overpowered the static amidst their aggressive keyboard smashing, “play, you stupid- fuckin’ piece of shit!”

In spite of all their bluster, they were pathetically attempting to conceal themselves in a sonic shroud, their precious defense mechanism.

His fingertips felt out a seam that could lead to the switch, determined to find a light source and leave as fast as he could, but he froze without touching it upon the sound of a soft, aching note tucked beneath static.

He didn’t have to be well-versed to know the sound of someone crying.

Hako’s shape was obscured in the blackness, but he could tell they were hunched tight, fighting with their whole being to not make an audible sob and failing ever so gradually. They intermittently hit the soundboard as if doing so would get it to play anything other than their recorded track or empty electrical hums. Naturally their efforts were in vain.

It wasn’t his place to do anything when people fell apart, especially the aid-averse types like Hako. They hated more than anything to be treated like they couldn’t save themselves.

He reflected on Jeanne’s words: “Why not say something?”

He spoke on impulse.

“Are you crying?” it was the dumbest possible thing to say, considering how short Hako’s patience was for pointing out the obvious (and his penchant for doing just that).

“Fuck you!” they shot back, angrily pawing at their face, trying to tear their free-falling emotions off of their body, “what the hell are you gapin’ at?! Where’s the fuckin’ light?”

He couldn’t will himself to move.

“What is it now? You gonna make fun of me?” they were trembling, standing with strained legs like a cornered animal. Even their voice shook despite all the venom they mustered to the surface, “go on then! Get it over with and laugh. I told you- Laugh!”

His arms were limp at his sides, “I’m not going to laugh at you.”

“You’re lying!” they lashed and swung to strike him but he caught their fist in his palm. Their balance shifted and one of their sneakers nudged the soundboard, causing it to play a song and flood the room with colored light.

They gasped and checked over their shoulder at the machine conspiring against them and then back to Achilles, his features intermittently lit from the surrounding monitors that were back online. The rest of them went rigid, transfixed on the low burning gleam in his amber irises, flustered from what tenderness lived within.

The tide had changed.

“I’m never gonna lie to you,” he sounded remarkably stable upon utterance, much to his own surprise, “I know you’re scared.”

“Shut up,” they bit their words, hastening their breathing upon the soft click of his boots across the floor as he strode purposefully towards them, “I’m not scared. I’m not-“

“Of course you are,” he spoke evenly and with timing that matched between percussion hits in the background, “and I understand why.”

“You couldn’t possibly understand-“ their defense was so desperately put up, like a wall made of wet cardboard. They stumbled backward, only gaining a mere inch and not nearly enough room to escape after bumping the console, “what are- what are you doing?”

Their distance shrank, their outlines cut shapes on the walls and floor to the rhythm of a drumbeat and spoken verse. In the flashes they caught of one another, Achilles was the only one who knew exactly where he needed to go.

“Just let me say this, alright?”

Despite his request implying he knew what he wanted to express, with every minuscule second that ticked by, he was drawing consistent blanks. His mind was overcome with static the closer he came to them, the more that he could see how scared and upset and vulnerable they really were, the more inadequate any possible quips became. There was so much he had to put into words, the thoughts and memories of their song dredging forth a veritable ocean of overwhelming feeling from both the far distant and recent past, his betrayal and rejection for their secrecy, his confusion and elation upon finding his bond chalice, the loneliness that sank in when they weren’t at his side for months, and the regret that he hadn’t done anything sooner.

Until finally he landed on the beginning of their audio recording.

“My words have failed me too,” his thumb dragged from their cheek to just shy of their jaw, gingerly wiping their tears aside. He came closer still, urged by the music’s crescendo a split second before the first refrain, his admission hopeless yet apt in the stillness before impact, “this is all I’ve got.”

His kiss was gentle but he needed it to last. Hako flinched and shifted their arms, their whole spine wriggling with panic until he placed his hands at their sides, squeezing with just enough force to ground them. He had to fight to keep his eyes closed, too anxious at the prospect that they were looking at him with fright for doing such an undeniably reckless and stupid thing.

He hadn’t realized for a solid second that their hands were balled up in his sash, white knuckled to the brim until the chorus pulled back and their first kiss had ended.

He listened to the ragged sounds of their breathing in the darkness before steeling himself to meet their eyes, greeted with lights sparking in their deep irises and bursts of ambient color, alight and racing.

“How long?” they rasped their weak little question, uncoiling their fingers from his sash like the unwinding of a long and tangled wire. Their touch was distant and defeated as their hands fell the length of his chest plate, losing strength to hold themselves up.

His heart sank.

“I don’t know,” he answered, “I only know I do.”

Hako’s expression contorted from confusion to anguish, struggling between speaking or screaming; their molars pressed together so hard the rest of their frame trembled from an emotional storm threatening to rend them in two. In a sudden burst of aggression they snagged his sash once more, their hands white knuckled and shaking while their head hung low and stifled another sob.

“Achilles…“ they addressed him with the dizzy weariness of someone teetering on the edge of a rooftop.

“Do you believe me?” his request sounded hollow and solemn, words whose weight left as quickly as falling sand.

Their chilled fingers crept up his shoulders to the exposed sides of his neck, just barely touching the base of his cropped hairline. Their front teeth poked out to dent their bottom lip, their eyes wet and glimmering with sparks, at once illuminated like a burst of fireworks.

In a place of solitude where they had toiled away for words unable to be found, their fangs peeked from beneath their smile as they said, “you’re an idiot-” and kissed him.

The second time they had connected was a graceless, relieved meeting where Hako was standing on their toes and Achilles had lost the capability to register clarity. Before they could completely lose balance however he caught them in his arms and pushed them to the wall, caging them with his body and punctuating them with a laugh of mutual disbelief before kissing them again. They smiled together, sharing voiceless amusement to the synchronicity of their affections flung to the open air, caution thrown to the wind. They were a pair of matches striking the side of a tinderbox; after so many false starts and friction wearing them down, they had finally caught alight and burned freely together. They kissed wildly to a tempo that neither could determine was made from the song playing behind them or one they set themselves, too lost in the haze of euphoric release and the infinite magnetism that bonded them in the dark.

He murmured their name, sensing each syllable and the way it rolled off his tongue and against their lips. They tugged on his hair, gasping sharply when his retaliation consisted of wedging his knee between their legs.

“Hey, I’m trying to enjoy the moment here,” his scorn could not be any more feigned.

“You can enjoy your moment after you take this off,” they retorted, tugging at the buckles holding his body armor together, “way too many buckles holding this shit in by the way.”

“You’re going about it all wrong,” his compliance was as rushed as it was clumsy; he hastily unlatched himself, dropping the plates where he stood.

“Aren’t you going to pick that up?”

“Nope,” he lifted them effortlessly to perch them at the console’s edge, “too busy picking you up.”

Hako was giggling the entire time he had lifted them, their chiding losing all disdain, “That was terrible.”

“I thought I did pretty good,” he was unable to stop himself from beaming when their legs wound around his waist and pulled him in until their lips could meet again.

Like a flash of lightning the nearby display revealed their scowl in front of him, a scowl so insincere they may as well have been pouting, “go fuck yourself.”

His fingers intertwined with theirs following another kiss, “tread lightly.”

They inched their head toward him, their noses touching, “You can't make me."

"How cute," he pinned them without a care to what havoc they would collectively render on the consoles and keyboards cluttering the already limited real estate they had available, knocking objects over simply on the impact of Hako’s back hitting the soundboard’s surface, “you still think you can boss me around."

What complaints they could have given him were silenced by his mouth on theirs, his hold on them as tight as a vice upon their frame. He offered little to no room save for the occasional space to breathe and gasp against him, and even then he hadn’t the slightest intent on being merciful or gentle. He drank from them as though they were the first rain after drought, left in their thrall upon his taste of faded whiskey on their tongue. They were the embodiment of a summer night; a layered warmth with a chilling touch that only inspired him to stay for every aching minute that he could. His hunger only grew the more he experienced of them, his hands tucking under the hem of their shirt and his senses catching fire upon the delightful mix of soft skin and muddled scars beneath.

He parted his lips and inhaled, his eyes half-lidded and pupils fully blown, only to nearly lose balance when the calloused edges of their fingertips crept beneath his shirt.

“Wow, you really like that huh?” there was a noted glint in their dark eyes, flickering bright and dangerous like the edge of a switchblade. Their fingertips walked with agonizing deliberation across his lower back, tugging the black fabric of his shirt further and further up as if testing the tension of a wire.

“What’re you…” he hung on their every movement, his guard lowering just enough for their fingernails to dig into his skin and rake with enough force his hips jerked.

They sported a proud sneer, “who knew you’d be into that.”

“Oh, you’re awful,” he growled with a particularly thrilled grin, “just what kind of game are you hoping to play?”

“The same one you started,” they carded his hair.

“Keep doing the coy act and I might force you to keep it.”

Hako narrowed their eyes and didn’t bother being subtle when they walked their fingers to his belt, “Ooo, you’ve got me shakin’ in my boots.”

“Play with me like that and you’re not going to walk straight when I’m through with you…” he rasped dangerously, his threat dripping with enthrallment, “I’ll make sure of it.”

“Think you have it in you?”

“Just you wait and see-“ he pried their thighs apart with such force that their foot hit the light switch and their moment ended as sudden as it had begun.

Hako flinched and blinked rapidly, adjusting their eyes to the rediscovered light in their surroundings. They were both stuck in place, now staring at each other in shock and completely removed from their earlier intimacy, a bewildered silence that only broke when Hako became fully cognizant to the state of Achilles’ mussed head of hair.

They promptly burst out laughing, “Ahahahah!”

“What’re you laughing about-“ he cut himself off when he caught his own reflection on a monitor and immediately started combing his fingers through his hair to get it to sit straight, “what the fu- this is your fault!”

“You look like you got hit by a tornado!” they had promptly sat back up and doubled over all over again from laughing so hard, “wait hang on I gotta take a picture-“

“Oh like you’re any better!” he shot back, pointing at the entire segments of Hako’s hair that were standing in different directions.

They sat up straighter and frantically started smoothing their hair out with their hands, snapping at him defensively when he deigned to find it funny, "shut up!"

“If we’re getting into picture taking territory I should get my back checked. You were clawing the shit outta me earlier.”

“I was NOT clawing you! It was just a scratch and you were totally into it!”

“You were absolutely clawing me. Like an angry, grabby little cat. Would've been hot if you-“

They punted his shin, “like you’re the picture of piety, jackass!”

“Aw, does kitty bite too?” he was promptly swatted on the face for his comment. All it took after Hako’s smackdown was a split second for them both to crack up and start laughing like a pair of drunks.

“We’re really bad at this.”

Achilles relented and shook his head with a resigning, self-depreciating smile, “Unbelievably bad.”

“What are we, a hornier Kralik and Novak?” they began helping him properly correct his hairstyle, “everyone’s gonna laugh at us.”

“Let ‘em,” he shrugged and met their gaze again, sliding his palms up the sides of their pajamas to their waist, “half the fun is in putting on a show, don’t you think?”

Hako smacked his chest, “maybe for you.”

“Okay, mostly for me, I’ll give you that. But it’s not all me, right? You enjoy it a little?” he cocked his brow and flashed them a winning grin.

“Hmm maybe,” they couldn’t hide their smile, “but only if I get to deck you with a magic cup.”

The stem of his bond chalice slid between their fingers, courtesy of his own gesture of mischievous goodwill.

“What do you say, Hak-chan?”

They were glaring daggers at him, “Call me that again and I’m shooting you in the foot.”

“Don’t you mean my heel?”

Their shoulders rose up and they shook their fist at him, “It’ll be both if I hear one more pet name outta you!”

“Aw, no cute nicknames?” his whinging would have come off more convincing if he wasn’t smirking and leaning in, “can’t I at least get a ten second head start?”

“You get three,” they whacked his head with the bond chalice, “and don’t even try bargaining for more.”

He sneered and gave them a parting peck, “deal.”

#hak writes #self ship

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thegraywitch · 2 years ago

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Why am I here?

Dream of the Endless x OC Summary: A witch works to gain control of her dreams to a degree which piques the interest of a certain Endless. One night, she finds herself in a library... A/N: It's been a long time since I've written anything, and even longer since I've shared. Note, this it a fic I've been working on since the end of October after watching the show. I have plenty more where this comes from but this is the only scene I've fully finished. And I write out of order so, be aware of that! Hope you enjoy and please don't hate me if you don't

Warnings: None for the time being, save for a minor injury and some cursing. Oh and a good helping of sass ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I take a breath, closing my eyes and letting sleep overtake my mind. As with the previous nights, my body quickly turned heavy and sank right into the blankets. It’s not long before I feel the weight is gone, indicating that I’ve hit REM sleep and another night of dream shenanigans is upon us. As I open my eyes, I find myself in a…..library? The fuck? Was I so focused on work I craved it in my dreams….Wait, no…this isn’t my library. There isn’t a mural in the ceiling, there’s so many more shelves, hang on, none of the books have plastic on them, why the fuck is there a railing?! I walked around, taking in the sights and trying to wrack my brain for an answer when I heard a feminine voice with a rather clipped tone ask “And what are you doing here?” With a startled squeak, I whirled to find a tall dark woman standing before me, dressed in an elaborate suit with her hands clasped behind her back, peering over her large round glasses expectantly. Or was she…glaring at me?

“I, um, well, ya see…” The words tumbled out of my mouth, fumbling with an explanation while my brain was trying to even fathom what the hell I’d stumbled upon. The woman continued to stare daggers at me before there was a sudden gruff call of “Hey, Loosh! Need those plans for the…” As the woman turned away to tell newcomer she was busy, my flight response kicked into high gear and I quickly dipped into the shelves, immediately finding zig-zagging paths among the rows in efforts to lose my potentially would-be disciplinarian. Why did I dream her up? I really needed to get a handle on my dream interpretation. Maybe the shop’ll have some books…

My mind raced with my feet as I tried looking for any sign of an exit out of this place that I didn’t realize someone was in my way until I literally bounced off something solid and human shaped. “Shit! Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to - !” My voice turned high and squeaky with just plain embarrassment as I took in the sight of whomever I nearly ran over…only to have my brain go blank as I registered said whom.

It was the pale man from before, the one that kept catching my eye on the edge of my dreams. But now I could not only see him properly, I was monstrously aware of just how imposing of a figure he had up close. I had to look up, and up, and up, from my tiny height to meet his gaze. His…rather severe gaze with a hint of bemusement? Instinctively, I backed up, somewhat slipping awkwardly as I stepped on my heel wrong. In retrospect, I shouldn’t be scared. He was rather normal, albeit with a dark and gothic aesthetic I can appreciate. But his presence sent alarm bells going off in my head that there was more. And along with the alarm bells came my curiosity.

“Do…I know you?” I asked, unthinking, to the strange tall man. Really, I should have turned tail and ran again, but stupid curiosity just couldn’t be satiated until I got my answer.

A light smirk tugged at his features, giving him a bit more warmth. “...No…” He drew out the word, as if taking him time to find the proper answer before adding “At least, not yet.”

The actual fuck? Now the curiosity turned into indignation. Lips frowning, brow furrowed in annoyance at this predicament, my wounded pride riling up at the audacity of this man. “Who the fuck do - ?”

“My lord!” Wait, what? I turned to see the woman before striding in our direction. Oh, shit… She glared at me as she came up to the two of us. Yep, I’m dead. Mostly ignoring me but seeming to keep me in her line of sight this time, she addresses the man. “Apologies, my lord. Seems a stray human made her way into the library.”

OI! “A stray - Excuse me, what gives you the - ?” I growled before being interrupted yet again.

“It’s fine, Lucienne.” I look back at the man, who turns to me as well with another smirk. “She is my guest.”

Say what?

Clearly I wasn’t the only one surprised as Lucienne balks at the statement. “My lord? But…why would…”

He puts a hand up to stop her, still looking at me with that infuriatingly amused expression, all the while the little hamster in my brain is just whirling around its little wheel with all the questions. “I should like to see how her talents improve.”

I throw my hands up, backing up a bit from the two of them to shout “Wait a minute! I’m all the levels of confused. Where the hell am I? Who the feck are you two? And what the hell do you mean I’m your guest?!”

Lucienne continued to look at me exasperated whilst her “lord” just shook his head smiling. “You, human, are in the presence of Lord Morpheus, the King of Dreams.”

I blinked. Did…did I seriously just run into and then yelled at the Greek god of dreaming?! My eyes slide back to Morpheus, who nods at Lucienne’s description of him before adding “And this is my advisor and librarian, Lucienne. Welcome to the Dreaming, Alyss Cromwel.”

That last part made me pale. I did not like the idea that a god knew my name, though by all accounts he should. Didn’t make me feel any better though. “Um…Hi, erp…Okay, that answers some things but…why am I…here?”

“I should like to know the same thing,” Lucienne echoed, looking to Morpheus with an expression I could only describe as “You have some fucking explaining to do.”

He nods to her and looks to me. “In time, I will explain myself fully. For now, a tour is in order. Matthew?”

At the sound of the name, a raven drifted down from gods know where and landed on a nearby railing. “What’s up, boss?” A high but clearly human male voice croaked from it, earning a few more confused blinks from my direction.

Morpheus, completely at ease with all this, tells the raven “Would you please show our guest around the palace? I need to speak with Lucienne.” Without waiting for an answer, he nods to Lucienne to follow before turning to me to say “Until we meet again, Alyss.” With that said, he took his leave as I was used to seeing kings do on screen, with a swoosh of the jacket and a stride in his step reminiscent of a self important cat. I heard Lucienne sigh before she squeezed past me, glancing back at me with a suspicious look before following Morpheus down the way.

Still confused and some odd mixture of frustrated and embarrassed, I looked to the little raven on the railing, who in turn looked back at me. We stared at each other for a good minute before the raven named Matthew finally just blurted out “Are we going to keep up the staring contest or do you want to see the rest of this place?” The snarky tone from him made me snort into a laugh before forming into a full blown cackle in the process. “Well, good to know the get-up isn’t just some cosplay thing.” He added dryly, though I could bet there was a smile there if the beak would allow and only made me giggle more.

“Sorry, sorry,” I said as I tried to catch my breath. “It’s just….very refreshing to hear a more normal voice. Well, normal for my snarky ass.”

Matthew tilts his head at me and flaps slightly. “You think this is normal?” He asks while taking to the air, clearly looking to take the lead on this “tour” I was to go on.

I shrug as I take the steps to follow, still grinning as I add “Well, believe it or not, ravens can actually learn speech. Just takes a bit. For all I know, you could just have a hella good training and been hand raised from birth.”

“Seriously? You think just any old raven could sound like this? Check out these pipes!” Twisting in the air, he turns to put one wing over his chest while croaking out a few “la, la, la’s” before gravity forced him to right himself again. I could feel the indignant glare from my laughing again before he spat “Ha, ha, laugh it up, Chuckles. Let’s see you try that while flying.”

Matthew took me through much of what was apparently called the Dream Palace, a place where the king of dreams ruled and managed the Dreaming so that humans could safely enter when they slept. This was also where Morpheus created the beings called dreams and nightmares that would exist in human minds to inspire or frighten us, which Matthew was apparently one of after dying in our world.

“So,” I ask, trying to wrap my head around the concept. “This place is like…the afterlife? Or an afterlife I guess, after you die in the real world?”

“Weeell, sorta,” He shrugged his birdly shoulders slightly from the spot on top of my hat he decided to sit on to rest his wings. “I mean, I ended up here but I don’t think everyone does. Otherwise this place would be a hell of a lot more crowded.”

“Soooo….yes to optional afterlife?”

“Something like that.”

“Huh…” I’d always thought the dream world and afterlife might be linked, it’s why it was so much easier for me to call spirits into people’s dreams rather than into our world. “I wonder, does time move differently between here and the real world?”

“I don’t think so? Also, don’t call it the ‘real world’. Boss doesn’t like that.”

I tilt my head up slightly, my eyes looking up and holding a dubious expression as if Matthew could see it under the wide brim. “Okay, what do I call it then?”

“Boss tends to call it the ‘waking world’.”

“Uh huuuuuuuh, and why not just call it the ‘real world’? I mean, dreams are dreams. They can’t hurt you if you don’t let them.” I suddenly felt wings flap around my head in an awkward manner, saved only by my conical hat from ending up with a face full of feathers. “Ow! Hey! The hell?!”

“Didja feel that?” He asked, clearly ignoring my grumbling to make a point.

Pouting, I mumbled “Yeah…?”

“So that felt real, right?”

“Well yeah, but of course it’s gonna feel real right now. I’m asleep! Everything feels real in your sleep! That’s what makes dreams so freaky in the first place.”

“How about when you ran into the boss early? That feel real?”

Red flashed on my cheeks and I was instantly glad that my face was hiding under my brim, not to mention that no one else was around to see it. “You saw that?” I groaned.

Matthew chuckled from on top of the hat. “Ooooh, yeah. Really should watch where you’re going, like right now before you trip on that crack-”

Just as he mentions it, the heel of my boot catches onto a large crack in the stone of the floor, causing me to lose my balance and pitch forward. There was a squawk as Matthew got thrown from my head but he’s able to right himself with his wings. Unlike, you know, me! With a shriek of fear, I threw my hands out in front of me in attempts to stop my fall, only to feel a strong arm catch me before I splatted onto my face. An arm that I only barely registered was clad in black. Oh please don’t tell me…

I looked up to see my “savior” was Morpheus himself, helping me get upright from my fall. Or at least I would have stayed upright if I didn’t suddenly realize the leg I’d tripped with had sprained the ankle as well, causing me to yelp in the process.

“Oh ho, was that one real?” Matthew cracked at me, still fluttering in the air while I struggled to hop on one foot.

“Shove it!” I growled, begrudgingly accepting the king’s arm for support while we continued down the hall. “Since when do dream palaces have big ass cracks in the floor?!”

“I do apologize,” Morpheus intoned. “The palace is still in repairs after…” The trail off itched the curiosity in my brain again, before he simply continued with “No matter, let’s get you looked at.”

“Yep, sure, thanks.” I winced as I hopped along with him, putting an arm on his shoulder while he wrapped his around my waist. Luckily, there seemed to be a bench suspiciously close to where we were. Taking a seat, I hissed as I stretched out my leg to rest it while Morpheus knelt to check my ankle. “Owie…is this going to affect me in the rea - I mean waking world? Wait, is this how you get those random bruises that just appear and you can’t for the fecking life of you…” I glance up during the babble, noticing Morpheus fully doubled over my ankle and his shoulders shaking. “Uh, your majesty, are you oh….” I wasn’t until midway through my sentence that I realized the motion came from the fact he was laughing at me, though he was trying to be quiet apparently. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Matthew shaking too and making a cawing sound that definitely was laughter. My jaw tightened, pride getting riled again as the embarrassment burned further into my cheeks.

Pissed and somewhat hurt, I jerked my foot out from his hands and moved to get up despite the pain in my ankle. But I was stopped for two reasons. One, my ankle protested at the thought of my trying to ignore it. And two, the Dream King also stood up and put his hands on my shoulders to guide me back down.

“Be still,” he implored me, the touch of laughter still in his features but there was a sincerity in his eyes. Enough that it cooled my quickly spurred temper, and begrudgingly sat back on the bench while he went back to examining my foot. “I apologize. I’m just not used to conversing with a mortal as curious or spirited as you.”

Pouting, I glance away while grumbling “Well, I’m not used to amusing gods so I guess that makes us even.”

“I’m not a god.” He says rather matter of factly, having at some point removed my boot and sock and was wrapping my ankle with some gauze.

I don’t know how I didn’t not notice the change but my attention was on the comment as I tried to unravel it. “Hang on, your name is Morpheus, yeah? That’s the Greek god of dreams. And you control dreams sooo I don’t know how that doesn’t make you a god?”

“Do you think only the gods can have the power to rule the Dreaming?” My annoyed silence must have been enough of an answer, because all I heard was a chuckle before he continued. “Yes, you are correct that the Greeks once named me Morpheus, and worshiped me as their god. However, long before the Greeks, the Egyptians, the Mesopatamians, before any of these gods you speak of, I was only known as Dream of the Endless.”

Something about that title tickled at my brain, like it was something I’d heard of. Twisting my mouth as I tossed the idea in my head before I finally went “Alright, I’ll bite, what’s an Endless?”

By this point, my ankle was wrapped up with my boot back over it and Morpheus (or should I be calling him Dream?) was sitting next to me on the bench. “There are seven of us, siblings who each represent an aspect of your reality and have a responsibility to keep your world from caving in on itself. In fact,” He reaches over and touches the ankh hanging around my neck, “You wear a symbol of my eldest sister, mistress of the Sunless Lands.”

I blinked again, the words slowly registering in my head as I thought about it. “Wait….your sister is Death and her symbol is of life? How the feck does that work!?”

MorpheusDream chuckles at that, apparently still amused at my shenanigans. “Perhaps you should ask her yourself one day. In the meantime, I believe your time here is up.”

“What’d you…” As I was trying to ask, my focus dipped and I suddenly felt heavy like I had at the beginning of the night, before just appearing in the library. Shaking the sleepiness from my head, I tried to refocus on Morpheam. “I…But, you never explained why I’m here. How I…even got here…”

The king stands up from the bench and turns to me. “You will be able to return, so long as I will it. Don’t worry, there is plenty of time for you to learn.” He places a hand on his chest and lightly bows towards me. “Until the next night.”

And then I made the mistake of blinking, only to wake up in my bed.

#the sandman netflix #the sandman #dream of the endless #morpheus #morpheus x oc

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relaxxattack · 3 years ago

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Someone's probably asked you this before but how long did it take you to plan out the plot for knifetrick? What did you do to come up with everything and do you have any tips for other writers who are struggling to put together their own fics?

after checking out my history lol,

it seems i did serious brainstorming and research for about a week before i started writing.

what happened first was that i had in my head the funny idea of ran failing to kill jackie and them getting tax-benefit married (to make ran feel guilty and admit his plot)

and once i realized i wanted to make it into an actual story, i had to change some of it and come up with plot and reasoning.

the first thing i did was ask my followers for song requests, lol. i asked specifically for “songs about futuristic settings or being married to/loving your assassination target”

i listened to a lot of that music to get my brain juices flowing. i had to put together a couple of Reasons for why things happened. i also knew i couldn’t just write the fic on the assassination alone, or else ran would have nothing to distract him and be the overarching plot, lol

the music helped me picture scenes and concepts. i then just jotted down a bunch of stuff i thought would be interesting to happen (possible scenes)

a couple thoughts on this image— for one you can see that i originally wanted to name my fic after a movie. i looked up ones where assassins grow endeared to their targets and fail to kill them. but i realized i didn’t want to name the fic after a movie in case it was controversial or something, so i ended up going for a song instead. ALSO, as you can tell, some of these points got dropped! again, this was just brainstorming for things i wanted to include

the next thing i did was ask for ranjack classpects, lol. for those unfamilliar with classpecting, it’s sort of like personality types for really sad nerds (/lh). aka, hogwarts houses but more complicated.

@dyketubbo wrote some INCREDIBLE classpects for ran and jackie. it was based off what we knew about their personalities (which wasn’t much) but it also helped us infer a lot MORE about their personalities by figuring out where they could go or how they probably think in their minds.

if you don’t know classpects you can probably do this with personality types. or, just, figure out your characters personality some Normal way. i wouldn’t know.

there was a lot more brainstorming i did (where i came up with ms. laramie, scoots, and clementine) and tried to come up with a basic plot of what would happen and what they would do. during this i did some research on a proper three-act story structure so my plot would hit just right.

during all of this, i watched a bunch of spy and futuristic flicks (not too intensely, just had them on in the background to absorb the vibes).

i then made a plot map once i figured i knew what was gonna happen

(the last few chapters are on the other side of the paper, so you don’t get to see them haha)

a lot of this stuff got switched around or dropped completely as i was writing. honestly, the details don’t matter too much— the FLOW of the story is what’s important.

i’m very flexible with my scenes— literally what happens in a chapter is completely up in the air until i FINISH the chapter. sometimes they’re entirely different from my original ideas. it’s not too important to me what exactly happens, as long as it makes sense and i like it and it fits in with the rest.

in my mind, the events themselves are not as impressive as the characters in them. as long as i’m still developing the characters the way i need to throughout the story, and they eventually get to the plot points i need them to, i don’t worry too much about the specifics! as long as they’re fun.

i also didnt write chapter-by-chapter— i mapped the plot first, and then drew little dividing lines where i thought it would be good to end the chapter after. chapters are useful to me as pacing tools, but i didnt want the plot to seem too episodic by Planning it as chapters.

after i wrote the plot map, i did research on deserts, cities, and fantasy politics for DAYS. (i also watched videos on how fantasy militaries should work.) i ended up not using most of that information i came up with, but the parts that do leak through into my current writing do wonders to make the world feel real and alive. each character has a personality and a life, they aren’t just there to be background characters for ran and jackie.

then, i re-read a few books by authors who really inspire me. to get their narration voice fresh in my mind and feel really inspired

eventually we got to where we are now— i write the chapters and i post them!

as i’ve mentioned, i’m very flexible with my plot— so while i’ve foreshadowed certain things since the beginning, some parts of the story have only come perfectly together towards the end. and i have @shrugofgod to thank for that!

my wonderful editor is always willing to chat with me about what scenes and bits work and are most satisfying story-wise. of course lyssie also EDITS my chapters after they’re drafted — to make them more polished, and also ask me questions about things that are going on to clarify them.

many thanks to lyssie shrugofgod for making the story so much better :D

because my chapters have a tendency to get away from me and do whatever they want, if there’s certain plot things i need to hit in a chapter, i’ll outline the chapter before i write it.

also, recently, (after coming up with one too many REALLY COOL scenes and lines in my head while cleaning, but then completely forgetting them later) i’ve implemented a protocol for myself to jot down anything that comes to mind WHEN it happens so i don’t forget.

these are unprofessional and have spelling errors and all that, because i just wrote them really quickly, often while doing the dishes or laundry, lol.

so in conclusion:

um yeah that’s how i write knifetrick! i’ve never done this much work for any other fic though, so don’t feel like YOU have to. i did so much research for knifetrick because it was very out of my wheelhouse.

at most all i think is necessary for a good story is a plot map, and a hell of a lot of inspiration. (i got mine from music, movies, books, and drawing ran and jackie a lot, haha!)

make sure you’re having fun with your plot. writing won’t always be fun, but you should at least like your PLOT. because if you don’t then you won’t be inspired or enjoy it at all!

#knifetrick #writing process #tutorial #og post #sorry for rambling so much this probably wasn’t very understandable ^^;;

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oh-for-fic-sake · 4 years ago

Text

It’s A Match Chapter Two

Masterlist

Summary: as you and henry become closer he lets his family know there may be a new woman on the scene. And you surprize him by moving a little quicker then he had thought. Not that he is against it. He is all to eager to move along to the next step.

Warnings: RPF, Swearing, Angst, Heated Discussions, Fluff.

A/N: here is chapter two, this will only be a short fic maybe there or four chapters but i hope you all like it. This is just me writing down my fluffy fantasy.

Taglist: In Reblogs.

'Shes a big fluffy teddy bear, and loves hugs, even if Shes crushing me~' henry froze hands quivering nervously over the keyboard. You replied? You actually? Holy shit! He bit his lip sitting up straighter with a grin and smoothed his hair back. He wasn't sure why it made him so happy but? He had a reply, and actual reply from a person! A woman!

Now what?

He wracked his brain and frowned. What does he say? Does he ask questions or just talk about dogs? He didn't know all he did know is that he had messaged a complete stranger and she had messaged back.

'I can imagine moving her must be hard work if she's comfy'

'Yeah but on the plus side she's always warm~ a huge hot water bottle'

'A numb but warm set of legs then😂'

'Absolutely! That sounds like the talk of a man who's been there?'

'Yes I have an American Akita, a very snuggly boy that gives me atleast one dead leg a day😅'

'Aww I love Akita's, I was going to get one but them Amii sort of fell into my lap, and has stayed there ever since'

'Big or small a lap dog is a lap dog'

'Definitely😂' Henry paused. Shit what does he do now? Does he just ask questions? Explain a bit more about himself? Both seemed a little too juvenile... And it was scary... Awkward he wants a nice chat, for conversation to flow naturally. He didn't want to fuck up. There was another ping as you typed another message.

' I have to say I'm surprized I got a message on here, only been on here for a few days😅' henry was thankfull, you wasn't going to judge. You were both in the same boat. Both nervously talking to a stranger in the hopes of there being something more. It made replying a little easier, he hoped that things would get less awkward after breaking the ice.

'Really? I made mine today... not sure about all this new online stuff but will figure it out'

'Well I'd say your doing alright, at least you had the courage to message someone, i made the profile then chickened out😅'

'I almost did, your the first profile that caught my eye'

'Was it Amii?'

'No, as cute as she is you lacked a duck face selfie, and you look very sweet and have kind eyes' henry froze after sending the message. Shit, shit! That was fucking cheese! Cringe and just a fuck up! He quickly wracked both hands through his hair and cursed trying to think of a way to get out of this but nothing came to mind... And then he saw it the tiny y/n is typing... At the bottom of the screen, he winced dreading the reply he was going to get. He bit his lip worried he hopes he hasn't tripped at the first hurdle.

'Thank you that's kind of you to say. And is a missing duck face that strange?🤔'

'Every woman has a duck face'

'Well I do not have a duck face'

'Really?🤨'

'Well not a good one 😅My duck face is sub par more a fish face, call me guppy😂' he chuckled, you did have a sense of humour which was good. He liked making people laugh and not having them take everything so seriously, it meant he could relax and let loose. To just have fun! He heaved a big sigh unconsiously petting Kal as he sat up and leant on his leg. He quickly began typing once more finding it easier chatting with a stranger with each message.

'🤣🤣 I got to admit I'm not sure what to talk about, this is my first time🤔'

'Well that makes us both online virgins😅lets start with the important things shall we?' Henry froze panicking. 'Oh god! Oh god! What ere you going to ask?!' He thought watching the little dots on the screen holding his breath dreading you'd ask for picture or something. He was put out of his misery with a tiny ping sound and your message popped up. He threw his head back and laughed outloud seeing the all important question.

'Who's your favourite superhero?' You were definitely a geek girl, just like he wanted. He bit his lip and typed without needing to think of the answer.

'Superman, afterall he is the grand daddy of all superheroes. You?'

'Oh your not gonna like this~ I love batman🤗' henry smiled at the screen and leant back wiping his mouth trying to massage the ache from his cheeks. He really was grinning ear to ear just from speaking to you so... Unguarded he was just being himself and it was freeing!

'Oh no!😱can I ask why?' He typed quickly not wanting you to think he was going to keep you on read? Was that what they called it nowadays?

'He proves that at 30 you can have a dramatic goth early midlife crisis and that regular assholes can be heroes too, all you need is money🤗🤗'

'🤣🤣 oh god! You know I never thought of it like that!' henry shook his head laughing out loud as he replied

'But you'll be happy to know supes is number three on my list'

'Well he makes the top three so that's salvageable😆'

'Yeah... Two is Captain America though'

'Rich goth with issues, man with an expensive tea tray, then supes got it 👌👍'

'Omg yes!😂that's sums it up beautifully🤣' after that the conversation moved on which he was a little thankful for. Not that he disliked geeking out but... it'd be easy for him to slip up on that subject. Luckily though he didn't have to think of a change of topic as you began chatting away casually about your day and he did in return before long the conversation was over too soon as you stated you really had to get on with filling out these payslips. So the chat drew to a close with promises of speaking tomorrow.

And you kept your promise. For the next week you both spent your evenings chatting away at one another becoming fast friends. That was when he decided to let his family know in the new weekly face time zoom chats.

He looked to the screen fidgeting as his family spoke amongst themselves trying to find the right moment to break the news. But his mother had noticed and asked him out right, leaning closer to the screen watching him worriedly.

"Henry? Are you alright your looking nervous?" The others stopped speaking at the question and henry heaved a sigh nervously twisting his fingers.

"Yeah yeah I... I just have some news... Is all" he said swallowing trying to find the words. He was worried, it had been a while since he'd tried to introduce someone new into his life and his family. He didn't want to alarm them but... he wanted to forewarn them that he was on his way to hopefully sharing his life with someone.

"News? Oh its nothing bad is it?" His younger brother asked, but his oldest paused straightening up with a smile already guessing his brother had taken his advice.

"No nothing bad... Its really good actually... I'm sort of... well I'm speaking to someone online... A woman" he stuttered rubbing the back of his neck and called Kal onto the sofa with him stroking his fur trying to calm himself and fend of the huge grin that seemed to spread across his face everytime he thought of you.

"You did it?" His eldest brother called out clapping his hands excitedly. A ripple of confusion washed over the others and they frowned looking to one another unsure what had happened between the two.

"Did what love?" His mother finally asked not understanding what her sons were talking about

"I made an online dating profile" he said plainly drawing gasps from everyone.

"Oh gosh love are you okay? Your not being hounded are you?" His mother jumped immediately concern etched deep in her features. His father looked uncomfortable-hell they all did! Each worrying over him. He wasn't surprized they had seen fans both love and hate on him and his partners.

"No mum its fine-better then fine I'm really carful... I've covered my ass and no one knows its me, she doesn't know" he said trying to placate his family but instead he was rewarded with disappointed faces, tutting and small, cringing hisses. Fuck.

"Oh god Henry you haven't made a fake profile? Tell me you didn't- please tell me your not lying to this poor woman" his father scolded sternly. His dad may not be up to speed with all this new age online dating shenanigans but he did know that it was wrong to lie to a potential partner. Just thinking that one of his boys were doing just that left a bad taste in his mouth. If he could he would clip his son around the ear!

"Well no not exactly- its me and I'm myself on there I just... changed my name to Hank... And crop my photos so she can see me but not recognise me that's all! I swear I'm not lying or-or anything!" he explained willing then to understand but with the deep sighs and unimpressed looks he got it would seem they didn't understand or approve.

"Are you sure about this? What will she think if things get serious and then this young lady finds out you've been lying?" he father spoke up again wanting to hash this out. Henry faltered for a moment, he worried about that too. He was frightened that you'd get angry and leave him without even giving him a chance!

"I'm not lying, I just? just omitting certain details about my life, I'm being me I'm showing her the real quirky geeky side of me- this is? Its my one shot! The only chance I'm going to get to have someone look at me, not what they can get out of me... I'm not going to blow it or hurt her... if we get to that point then I will explain things- she'd understand she's really thoughtful and is logical" henry pleaded trying to convince both himself and his family. He cant ignore it, he was worried and had been telling himself over and over you'd understand. But he also knew it could really shake you up. But what he was doing wasn't wrong! It couldn't be helped, he thought they would understand!

"Well I hope so because you could break her heart son... And I want you to understand that, this woman could fall for you. You could really upset her when she finds out" his father finally spoke drawing the issue to a close not wanting to argue, but he still wanted henry to know what ever happens was his own fault good or bad. Not everything ends with a happy ever after, but he didn't need to voice that out loud. Henry knew, they all did.

"I know dad, I've only been speaking to her just over a week anyway, for all i know she will ghost me or something" henry nodded calming a little not wanting to fight but still it was clear to everyone henry hadn't appreciated the lecture.

"Ghosting?" he mum perked up trying to diffuse the situation not wanting this to blow up. Tensions were high and no one needed a family spat at the moment.

"Its when someone stop talking to you and ignores you for no reason" his brother revealed explaining the term to his parents. They both ahh'd in realisation but were still a little tense. So his younger brother spoke up deciding to try and be more supportive to him. And henry was thankful.

"Well how about you tell us about her henry. What's you lady freind like? What does she do?" henry quickly grinned forgetting the irritation. His family watched the sudden change as henry got the chance to boast about the woman who had caught his fancy. It was sobering to see, he was glowing with pride and excitement, overjoyed from just thinking about this mystery girl.

"She's just? God where do I start? Shes amazing and funny and wholesome... She doesn't live too far away- Shes pretty much on my doorstep! Shes really funny and nice we talk everyday and have soo much in common its amazing we like the same music and tv and just- everything! Its like talking to a female version of myself! And Shes a fan too" his family all seemed to warm to the idea of this woman until his final remark. Everyone paused. And so did he, what was so wrong about her being a fan? Why was that a red flag for them and not him?

"A fan? Henry... are you sure she doesn't know? If she's a fan she might know and be... making her answers more favourable" henry bristled at that and visibly leaned back brows furrowed and eyes glowing, showing as much anger as he dared show his mother who had spoken out against you.

"What? No! No she doesn't mum she hasn't got a clue- Shes not a fan of mine per say but? She likes my work, she's a huge lover of DC and fantasy so has seen the Witcher and she loved it! Shes really just like me! Is that really hard to believe? That there are women like me? That enjoy the same things?" what had started as a panicked explination quickly became heated and sour. His words slowly becoming uncharacteristically venomous. But Marie Ann new it was just him getting defensive, he was frightened. He had this silly belief he was an abnormality, that his interests will make him forever alone. The thing that did stand out was just how defensive he was about you. A woman he'd probably not even met yet, someone he was only chatting to. It wasn't like henry to take to someone soo quickly. It made her hopeful, that he really had found someone, found his soulmate. But she was a mother and couldn't help worry over him, no matter how old or huge her boys got they were just that. Her boys. And she will always feel the need to look after them.

"Henry please don't get angry, I didn't mean to upset you but... I worry" she said slowly trying to calm him before he got himself into a tizzy. She could see much more then he wanted her too. And right now he was anxious, probably questioning himself over this woman and the way he was approaching her. She could only hope her son was right and had covered his ass and that this woman was as understanding as he said. Otherwise henry was about to get a wakeup call like never before. It wasn't everyday a well known actor fakes a dating profile. It'd be a media shitstorm that he may not recover from.

"I.. sorry I didn't mean to- y/n isn't like that I... I just know alright she isn't after anything" henry apologized smoothing back his hair taking a huge breath and leant back once more relaxing.

"So why don't you tell us a little more about her son? You've been speaking for a week so must know a little more then her name and were she lives?" she said moving on wanting to coax more information about the woman.

"Well she has her own successful business that caters to dogs, walking, grooming and rehoming and is a kc registered breeder. Shes thirty years old and... Absolutely stunning- and no she hasn't filtered any photos either...wait here! See?! Isn't she beautiful?" Henry gushed quickly bringing up your profile picture he had saved on his phone and holding the phone to the camera. He heard a few compliments but could still see the worry in his family. He understood but he just new. He new that you were real, that you were honest and everything you said you were. You were blunt and didn't have time for games, you said life's too short for that crap. And he agreed.

"You have a photo saved already?" henry faltered at the question that had followed a round of compliments and quickly pulled his phone back flushing embarrassed he hadn't even thought of how that would look

"I.. w-well yeah... I'm gonna ask for her number soon and want a photo for my phone... We decided to stick to messaging for a while first and" he tried desperately to dig himself out of the hole he'd just unceremoniously swan dived into. But his brothers burst into laughter making whipping motions making him flush and shrink further. They were definetly going to busting his balls for this. But with a quick shake of his head he continued to gush about you wanting to side step this whole premature photo saving incident.

"she doesn't have Instagram or snapchat... she's just... I can't explain it she's just funny and sweet and genuine... I really like her.. I could easily fall for her" silence reigned after his admission and everyone saw just how serious and devoted henry was to trying to make this relationship work. His mum nodded with a smile, this was just a watch and wait scenario. This woman would either make or break her son, and all she could do was hope to god it was the former.

"Okay then love. I'm happy for you henry just be careful okay?" she finally drew the curtain on the subject and everyone sighed in relief.

"I will, I promise but you have nothing to worry about, I just wanted to let you guys know that i might have someone for you to meet in a few months" henry said eagerly, like a small boy waiting on Christmas eve. He was full of life and enthusiasm. It was nice to see this side to him again, she'd dare say he was well on his way to being loved up! Smitten.

"And we look forward to it henry, but take your time. There's no rush just enjoy yourself" one of his brothers spoke up jumping in on the conversation wanting to make it clear they all had his back whether this ended good or bad. For now they were happy for him.

"I will, we decided were wont meet for a while and just see how things go for the time being but... I have a good feeling, she's everything I've been looking for I'm really excited" henry preened trying to pace himself, he didn't need to be daydreaming in a family face time. Luckily he was pulled from the edge of his own fantasies by another question.

"You said she had a company?"

"Yeah here I'll send you the link its called Puptown! She's actually handled Kal a few times, I send him there for his nails and teeth" henry said quickly sending the link to his brother. He wasn't stupid they were going to look you up, they were worried. He might aswell sent them the link. There was a tiny bio on there of you- the owner on the staff page that had all the staffs qualifications and roles on there.

You moved through the groom room Amii was curled up under your desk fast asleep as you began taking a stock list. Recently you'd been getting more and more white dogs in for their groom so needed to top up on the bright white shampoo and it was tick season soon so had to double check you had all the tick removal forceps, and ear powder- lots of ear powder the poodle clients had doubled over lock down after all the new puppies bought in lockdown. Every dog deserves a professional groom. But poodles needed them.

"hey boss! You doing another check?" Mandy called as she hoisted a tiny black poem into the bath. Bella a regular and very few people could actually groom her out of the five staff only two of you dared to try. And you didn't blame them this dog was a tiny savage, but the trick was not to show fear.

"yeah, trying to prepare for summer already, you know i think this will be our busiest yet especially with lord whiskey." you muttered nibbling the pen and moving a few bottles about. Flea treatment and some dry skin conditioner were quickly added to your growing list.

"lord whiskey?" Mandy asked louder over the sound of the shower instantly Bella began snarling like the hell demon she was. On walks and about the place she was a little soppy loving lap pup, but when it came to bath time? Different dog. You cant help thinking she had a bad experiance before she came here. You sighed and placed the pad and pen down standing along side the bathe and began petting the tiny dog.

"yeah they are the vet clinic for lower incomes... They want to set up a new clinic and have reached out" you explained you had to admit the request came out of the blue and you hadn't had chance to tell everyone yet. The staff meeting was on Friday.

"that would be good!" she said slowly wetting the snarling prom that was trying her absolute hardest to frighten you both off. But alas she was no great wolf, but a teeny cute little raging fluff nugget, and to her utter dispair neither you or Mandy found her scary at all. Even if she was trying to foam at the mouth.

"yeah that's what I thought, having a vet on site... We're still talking but if everything goes acording to plane we will have the mobile vet out front while setting up the small clinic... I was thinking in the old groom rooms? They had water and electricity already and its a littl out of the way so the unwell puppets can be separate from the healthy customers" you shrugged moving around Mandy to help tend to your most vocal customer.

"so business will be booming?" Mandy said moving to rinse underneath the small feral beast. You giggled and stood Bella on her back legs as she seethed but in between her savagery she was actually licking at you, showing a hint of the sweet girl she really was. You pet her praising her promising chicken treats and snuggles afterwards. You might even pop Amii in with the others in the small day care pen. Bella liked laying on her using the huge dog as a fluffy bed.

"yes hopefully, i mean were not taking anything for them, they are a charity but hopefully we will get a few visits in the shop? And the more people know about us the more likely they are to use us!" you said you had been weighing up the pros and cons about the new venture. More people visiting the premises, more footfall in the shop and hopefully you can draw enough people to have a little pet café. Your business was right on the edge of the huge woodland park you'd always wanted a small café that serves both animals and people you want a little empire to become a franchise company and give the little guys a chance.

"And how about you? Any luck on the online dating front?" she asked with a small smile. You sighed you half regretted telling her about it. Mandy has been with you since the beginning, she was your first employee and most trusted freind. And she has been hounding you about your love life for a while now. She wants you to take a step back from Puptown and find some time for yourself, and now that the business was established and ticking over nicely it was the time to do it.

"Ooo! Oh my god your blushing!? Bitch spill!" she squealed excited as you flushed and looked away not answering her. And by doing so answering her at the same time.

"I'm talking to someone~ Hank.. He is... Funny and charming we've been chatting each night for about a week" you revealed quietly making her beam at you. Thankfully Bella chose that moment to make a mad dive over your shoulder but you managed to catch her and pop her back into the tub.

"ooo yes get in girl, you have been pouring too much into this company! Its about damn time you focused on yourself" sandy began as she washed Bella lathering the pup with a rather expensive de-sheading anti tangle shampoo.

"Please don't start, I'm doing it now and that's what matters. He is... He messaged me first and things are going good and that's where I'm going to leave it okay? I will update you as we go... I promise" you said releasing the now wet pup as Mandy began rinsing her down. You stepped back to the shelves full of half empty bottles of product. needing to change the topic to avoid daydreaming and fucking up your orders. As great as the wholesaler was this was still expensive stuff and you didn't want to unbalance the books and get more then you needed.

"Oh Bella?~ baby girl its so bad isn't it? Being brushed and washed and massaged? Then getting yourself a blow out and having a nap in the nice cosy play room?" you called over your shoulder condescendingly at the pup who was still snarling out her displeasure. She really was a little brat in the bath.

Another week passed and you were lazing around the house having a duvet day, snuggled in bed with Amii on your lap. Normally your days off were all housework and finalizing orders or paper work but this week was different. With lord whiskey agreeing to taking the old groom room you decided to finally get an extra set of hands in management to take care of paperwork. It was strange at first but worth it. You now hade someone else to rely on, not that you didn't have managers to help out before but now you had a full time employee that's whole role was to take care of the business side and alleviate the pressure. So instead of the normal made rushes and mountain of paperwork you were in bed chatting away with henry.

He had just finished his work out and was relaxing, having a cool down before having yet another painfully boring sounding meeting with his own bosses. You sympathised. Practical work was the bomb! But the theory and paperwork kicked everyones asses. Risk assessments can eat shit! I'm a person and can asses the risk and decided to do it, why answer to a tick box system? But then again everything needed a tick in a box nowadays. You shuffled about grunting as Amii played dead on your lap so you couldn't move her from the comfy slump she was in over your thighs pinning you down.

'Soo you said you game?' was the message that changed the subject, thankfully choosing to move on from speaking about work.

'God yes, when I can'

'What do you play? Sims and stuff?'

'depends if I'm on pc or xbox I'm more into fantasy and historic rpgs, but if I'm on my switch its little farming sims sometimes I branch out to things like shooters but not often, I like the big immersive fantasies!'

'So you really do mix and match are you playing anything atm?'

'I'm doing a re-run of skyrim with a load of mods just to spice things up. And just restarted Witcher wild hunt again'

'You like Witcher?'

'I adore it, Witcher skyrim and dragon age are my all time favourites, do you? Sorry I realise I'm just takeing over, I just get excited, I never really talk about this stuff 😅😅'

'No, no its fine I'm the same, I never really get to geek out anymore with work and stuff. I'm happy to have the chance, and I do love the Witcher too fantasy is my thing😄' henry paused for a moment. Should he? I mean you just said you were replaying it... Would it be big headed? To ask what you thought of the show? Of his performance... I mean it'd be an unbiased view, you wasn't going to try and butter him up you still didn't know it was him.

'So you've watched the show on Netflix I presume?' he typed and pressed send quickly before he lost his nerve.

'Absolutly, I binge watched it a few times.😅'

'You liked it? I know a few people didn't' henry couldn't help but dig a little deeper, he desperately wanted you to have enjoyed it.

'I loved it, but I think it was easier for me to watch bc I new what was roughly going on before hand. Most people that struggled thought it was going to be an easy watch? Like got'

'Oh come on, there must be something you didn't like?🤔🤔'

'😞okay you got me, I was a tad disappointed with geralts eyes you can do the toxic eyes and cat eye potion at least give me a teeny cat eye just a smidge🤏🥺'

'Yes I see what you mean, their could have been a little frame of it but there are always sacrifices when going from books to the big screen 😅'

'But henry's portrayal more then made up for it! That man was on point! I was so happy when they anounced it was him playing Geralt there was no way he was going to fuck it up!' henry stopped breathing. You liked it? You actually like him playing Geralt? His heart swelled and he laughed out loud for some reason you enjoying his work just... It meant the world to him! He was over the moon. Quickly his attention was drawn to his tablet again as another message pinged on screen.

'And I have a little fan theory over the whole eye issue😏'

'Hit me with it I'm all ears'

'Geralt has complete control of his eyes right? And is a softy deep down so my idea was he is always holding his pupils open so he doesn't scare anyone'

'🧐that is brilliant! It makes so much sense! 🥰🥰 its also nice to know I have a little conspiracy fangirl on my hands😁' henry frowned heart clenching as you went quiet, he waited and waited minuets seemed like hours. His mind immediately jump to conclusions terrified you had caught him, that you'd figured out just who you were speaking to. Sweat formed on his brow as he frowned praying he hadn't got a little to close to home and given himself away. Then the dots appeared. You were typing.

'So I was wondering I know we agreed not to at first but since we've chatting every night I thought we could maybe exchange numbers? Only if you want to! No pressure. I'm just excited' henry slumped, melting into his seat. Thank fuck for that! His relief quickly became excitement at the prospect of hearing you! Actually speaking to you properly having an actual phone call? Fuck yes!

'😊😊I was actually trying to find the time to mention it myself, i know its only been three weeks but it feels much longer.'

'Omg thank god! I thought you would think i was rushing you😅here xxx xxxx xxxx' henry was quick to pull out his phone and type the number in, not wasting any time in creating your contact info into his phone book. And whislt doing that also replied to you putting you at ease.

'No not at all, I'm excited I cant wait to hear you🥰'

'Oh god don't build your hopes to high I don't have the most attractive voice it may be the deal breaker😅'

'I doubt that anything could put me off you love, your gorgeous, smart, funny, kind everything I could of dreamed of and soo much more'

'I'm glad its not only me Hank, I have to say I was frightened by how quickly we have become friends, but I suppose it makes sense we are two peas in a pod' henry grinned reading the message and nodded to himself pressing the small green call button and held the phone to his ear feeling confident as he re-read your last message.

You hummed nibbling your lip, chewing it nervously after giving out your number. You couldn't help your mind dredging up all the horror stories of Ted bundy-esque creepy ass psycho killers, luring in prey on the internet... Fuck you were a bigger girl so easy to sweet talk. You whined and snuggled into the massive furry lump on your lap, lacing your fingers into the dogs thick fur. Petting her as your over active imagination conjured scenario's that could end up with you in a eight foot hole in someone's basement ,being told to 'put the lotion in the basket'. Jesus Christ. But it was fine right? He wasn't weirded out or anything? He seemed happy. You were sensible, or at least you thought you were.

You yipped at your phone suddenly vibrated in your hand, you almost threw it across the room. The screen lit up with 'unknown number' you swallowed eyeing the device then nodded answering the call heart beat thundering in your chest your breath picked up you made to speak but couldn't quite make sounds, unable to force the words to roll off your tongue. There was a deep chuckle, gorgeas and rumbling even if it was quiet.

"You have no reason to be frightened darling I'm just as eager to move on" you gasped as the thick voice spoke in slow syllables, calling you by the nick name he had taken to calling you. You'd asked a few girls at work about it, worried things were going to fast. But they had calmed you down saying it was his way of avoiding being freind zoned. You had to admit the cute little names always made you grin and blush, but this? God this was better then anything! His low timber and slightly more eloquent accent uttering the name sent a shiver up your spine.

A surprizing reaction in all honesty, you'd never really thought about voices much, never had a voice kink or really thought anyone could have an attractive voice. Well not a real voice anyway, sometimes characters on tv with low raspy voices got you going Geralt and Alcide to name a few. He almost sounded like the former if you thought about it... Just more refined? A regal soft lilt. It was definetly a voice you could listen to all day, this man could read you a bloody take away menu and you wouldn't even gruff at the extortionate prices. You wet your lips and dug your fingers into the warm dog in your lap breathing deep, filling your lungs with air trying to ease yourself and draw in some courage.

"O-oh your? Really there? Really.. real?" you stuttered slowly. You chided yourself for sounding so silly, so childish. But you couldn't help it you felt completely unprepared. Which irritated you because it was you who'd offered your number, what were you expecting him to do with it? Use carrier pigeon? Of course he was going to call you.

"I'm most definitely real love" he spoke again with a small chuckle, he was clearly amused by your flustered question. You blushed and squirmed on your seat trying to breath quietly, you didn't want him to hear just how on edge you were.

"Oh gosh that's.. wow I cant even, I don't know what to say" you huffed trying to think of something- anything else you could focus on rather then the absolute sex that was his voice, then he spoke once more

"Now, now don't be shy love, I want to hear you, your voice is just as I thought it'd be" henry tried encouraging you wanting to hear you and revel in your sweet voice, wanting to commit it to memory.

"Oh? And what's that then?" you asked trying to be playfull but in all honesty you wasn't hitting the mark, you were to nervous. You'd never really thought about your voice, was it attractive? Or too high? Deep? I mean you were normal, you spoke normal and if anything sounded common.

"Pure and delicate, playful and charming all in one just like the woman it belongs to" henry's breathing hitched as you giggled. The sweet tinkling laugher warmed his heart and made him huff out a chuckle himself. He was so happy he could have cried. It was just so overwhelming to hear you finally, to put a voice to the amazing woman he was slowly falling inlove with. He sometimes grew wary thinking you were too good to be true, that you were a catfish yourself. But here and now he knew. You were as real as him and all it did was solidify his resolve, he was doing the right thing. He was falling for a genuine woman. A real woman with no strings attached, and with any luck you were feeling the same.

"well I think I just found my mans flaw~" you giggled once more blushing under the weight of all the compliments. He was really smooth, smoother then you'd thought and that was saying something.

"really darling? Care to enlighten me?" he quipped playfully you usual banter and teasing between you both flowing just as effortlessly as it had when messaging each other.

"your clearly deaf! Well have no fear, i will talk a little louder and learn some sign language for you~" you laughed out loud he joined you low echoing chuckles that sounded as if they came from a deep wide chest. It was enough to drive you mad with lust, but that may be the new found voice kink brewing.

"well its nice to know you are so committed to your man and his disability love" suddenly you froze and trembled panic and anxiety washed over you clogging your wind pipe at his words... Fuck!

"oh god- no I? Your not really deaf are you? I'm sorry I didn't mean to make fun-" you began apologizing not quite picking up on his sarcasm. Henry was quick to cut you off and stop your guilty rambling.

"No love I'm not deaf I was just pulling your leg" his voice was strained as if he was trying not to laugh at you, but you couldn't really say anything. You were the one nervously crack jokes then immediately trying to take them back. Stumbling your wat through the very first real conversation with a man you were crushing on. God you were such a dweeb!

"oh Jesus you scared the crap out of me" you heaved a sigh wanting to bury yourself into the covers and hide despite knowing he couldn't see your glowing face.

"I apologize darling, I have only the purest of intentions... Well maybe not that pure~ but I don't want to scare you" he grinned when you gasped at his little flirtatious comment. And he wasn't kidding, he found you incredibly attractive and wanted to do all manner of very filthy things with you. It didn't help when you were sending him photos of you drenched nipples hard and drawing him in like a moth to a flame. You probably hadn't even noticed that and he was thankfull for it because you wouldn't have sent it otherwise. It was his favourite photo, apparantly it had been a husky escape from the bath as you switched his lead to another hook.

"your fine, I'm just a little nervous is all" you huffed finally somehow managing to sort yourself out and think clearly overcoming your excitement and nerves.

"I understand but just remember its just me love. So have anything else planned for today?" henry hummed sweetly before giving you a chance to change the topic, you'd never know it was because he was barely holding himself together. He was almost bursting at the seams wanted to laugh and cry and shout all at once. He was completely overwhelmed with joy and relief and wanted to listen to you as much as he possibly could.

Both you and henry then began the nightly ritual of phone calls and texted all day. He even had a new nick name. Puppy. And he couldn't be more thrilled you'd said it was because he made tiny cute puppy whines when you teased him. But he didn't care, he would happily be your puppy anyday!

The weeks became one month, then two and before you knew it you were one week shy of three months. And that was when it happened. Those fateful words left his mouth as he spoke to you just before bed. He had asked to meet, he was certain and confident he wanted to meet you and take this further, and he hadn't really planned to ask it just happened.

"So your really letting lord whiskey in your old groom space? That's incredible, I'm so proud of you for letting them in love. It says volumes for you and your business, that its not all profit driven" henry spoke down the phone as he stirred his tea getting ready to go up to bed.

"I mean it just seems right... No matter the income everyone should be able to get medical care for their animals. And I'd be lying if I didn't hope some people will come into the shop or realise that we are here and come back for our facilities." he smiled at that. You wasn't just trying to make a great profitable business, you cared and wanted to give everyone a reasonably priced alternative to pooch care. And he was right behind you, he loved that you were trying to give owners the chance to spoil their fur babies without breaking the bank. In slashing your prices you'd attracted more customers and been making a great profit, so much so that you could afford to just give away your old groom rooms to the charity for free.

"shop? You have a shop?" he pondered padding about the kitchen giving Kal his nightly biscuit treat and motioned for him to take it upstairs. Which he didn't need to do, Kal new the jig and was already carrying the treat to the stairs.

"yeah it opened last year? The year before maybe? Its small but here with food and treats a few toys and leads... I try to use smaller businesses the brands that you wont see in the bigger shops" you said slowly and he heard a small yawn and rustle of paper. You had said you were packing up and heading to bed for the night soon.

"I may have to pop over with the bear~" he teased coyly humming to himself as he sipped his tea.

"pop over? I.. Well you could I suppose?" you hummed quietly, henrys eyes almost popped out of his head were you inviting him to ask you out? He coughed quickly trying not to choke on the mouthful of tea and then rocked his head from side to side. I mean he could come over and see you.

"I'm only ten minuet's away darling, Kensington... I've actually used your grooming service once or twice getting the bears nails and teeth done"

"oh?! I didn't know that." you said trying to picture the owners of the akita you saw, but honestly? You had soo many customers now it was hard remembering everyone, that and you wasn't really front of house now, you had more and more to deal with back of house, even with the new manager.

"well you do now sweetheart... So? Do you want to meet up tomorrow?" he asked placing his tea down in favour of crossing his fingers hoping he had read your signals right.

"Yeah of course I'm covering for walking duty tomorrow... So I can't really do anything in the morning or early afternoon" henry fist pumped and grinned faking a silent shout of victory as he managed to wrangle a date.

"That's fantastic actually... I could meet you in the park? I'll bring the bear with me and we could walk the dogs and grab a coffee or something?" he said somehow managing to quell his excitement enough to arrange the date properly, placeing a hand on his heart as it beat wildly. The realisation that he could see you- meet you face to face!

"Yeah that sounds like a brilliant idea, will noon be alright? That's when we do a switch over and go back to feed the dogs in day care so I'll have an hour lunch break" you said stuttering a little when it began to sink in that this was happening!

"Its a date I will see you tomorrow at noon love" Henry anounced eagerly suddenly tomorrow couldn't come soon enough!

"See you then puppy, good night sweet dreams" you said needing to hang up and squeal into a pillow or something.

"sweet dreams love" as soon as he hung up he was already scrolling his phone selecting the number he was after and called in a tizzy.

"Piers?! Piers! I'm? Oh god- were meeting tomorrow and fuck- I'm freaking out already! What do I say? What should I wear- kal's coming too do I put his halti on or just his collar- fuck I don't know what to do!? Please help!" he yelped down the phone to the unsuspecting man drawing a deep sigh from him before he began talking him down.

#rpf #henry cavill #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill fic #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill X Y/n #henry cavill fluff

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collecting-stories · 4 years ago

Text

Book Club - 90s!Luke Patterson

Summary: Reggie books a gig at a suburban mom’s book club and Luke takes full advantage of the situation to flirt with you.

A/N: I’m literally writing two other Luke fics right now 😭😭

Julie and the Phantoms Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

The third Thursday of every month belonged to your mother. It was her day, when she demanded not to be bothered, when she spent hours out of the house socializing with the women’s group that she belonged to. And, out of all those Thursdays, there were always the very special few when it wasn’t her leaving the house but everyone else. The group rotated their meeting time, everyone for a blue moon meeting at your house, meaning, of course that you were expected to stay out. Staying out was not a difficult thing to do, in fact you relished the opportunity to spend a few more hours with your friends. 

It was one of those Thursdays, when all the ladies that your mother loved to lunch with were spending the afternoon at your house and you were making yourself scarce, that arguably the weirdest but maybe best thing happened. Your mom had told you before you left for school that morning that she expected you to stay out, and you would have, if you had remembered your wallet. But you’d left it in your room, on the edge of the vanity, and you didn’t want to be the one owing money when your friends went to lunch. A quick stop home should’ve been easy, the stairs were right off the kitchen and the side door was right there, giving you the opportunity to shoot upstairs and grab your wallet without her being the wiser to it. 

The whole thing would’ve gone off without a hitch except that when you walked through the side door and into the kitchen you came face to face with four boys from your school. You recognized them more for the fact that you didn’t hang out in the same circle; most of your friends held a certain level of contempt for the four guys that made up Sunset Curve. You didn’t necessarily dislike any of them, you didn’t necessarily even know them, though you would be lying if you said that the lead singer, who occasionally sat in front of you in math, was seriously making you rethink a deep dive into all this rock music. Luke, Reggie, Alex, and Bobby were standing in your kitchen. They were the Green Day/Nirvana worshipping, head banging rockers that ditched school regularly and got into worlds of trouble and they were standing in your kitchen.

Bobby was the only one who looked up from snacking on leftover hors d’oeurves, saying your name in surprise as the other three all stopped to look at you too. Alex gave an awkward little wave as he set down the small sandwich he was eating.

“Uh...what are you guys doing in my house,” you asked, looking between the four of them.

“Your mom tapped us to perform for her ladies club.” Luke explained, dropping his food on the plate and wiping his hands against his black pants.

Your mom had invited these four to sing for her conservative ladies’ group? You tried not to but you couldn’t help the smile that crossed your face when you thought about it. Whatever your friends said about the guys, you weren’t ashamed to say you had taken one of the free demos that Reggie handed out and had been listening to it on repeat for a while now. “My mom wanted you guys to play a gig for her and her friends?” You clarified.

“Until we started playing,” Reggie replied, and you couldn’t help laughing.

“I bet...you guys aren’t exactly...suburban mom rock.” You joked, “though I totally would’ve loved to see their faces when you guys started singing.”

The grin on Luke’s face was unmistakable though you missed it as you nabbed one of the sandwiches on the plate near Alex. It was probably some really stupid cliche, him liking one of the popular girls. Cute, cheerleader, future prom queen. You hung out with people who listened to Britney Spears and Spice Girls, any knowledge of the rock scene they might’ve actually had was only for the sake of making dumb jabs at him or his friends. Still, Luke had a massive crush on you and he wasn’t so embarrassed to admit it. Bobby joked that he wanted to “bring you over to the dark side” and maybe that sounded cynical but he thought he wouldn’t mind seeing you look a little less perfectly put together if it had something to do with him. Hearing you mention his music almost had him doing a back flip from excitement.

“So you’ve listened to our music?” Luke asked, moving closer to you, leaning on the counter beside you. Behind him, Alex rolled his eyes.

“Reggie gave out demos like...last month.” You shrugged, trying to play it off. You’d been excited to listen to their music, see if it was any good and had discovered that you actually loved it. They were talented guys and you felt surprisingly connected to the songs. “I might’ve listened.”

“I did!” Reggie piped up, “I gave demos to all the-” he stopped, mouthing instead, as if you wouldn’t understand him when he said ‘all the cute girls’.

“I hate to ask but...don’t you think like, actual clubs would be better places to promote your music? I don’t think the middle-aged moms are really a target audience, unless you’re into that kind of thing?” You said, peering down the hallway when you heard the familiar squeak of a floorboard. If the boys were still here than there was no doubt in your mind that your mom had told them to stay for some reason or another.

“You gotta start somewhere.” Luke replied, unfazed by the hint of judgement in your voice.

“My living room?” You asked, jokingly.

He smiled, “actually, we’re playing a club on the strip tomorrow night, we could, maybe, get you on the guest list?”

“We’re opening for someone else,” Bobby cut in, bringing Luke back down to reality, “I’m pretty sure no one’s ever even heard of the band we’re opening for.”

Luke glared at Bobby, sticking his finger in his mouth and then jabbing it into Bobby’s ear, a smile of success immediately lighting up his features when Bobby recoiled in disgust. “So what’d ya say?” Luke asked.

“I mean, I guess technically every band deserves girls screaming for them, so sure…I’ll go.” You agreed, eyes on Luke the entire time.

The last concert you had been to wasn’t even for you, your mom had dragged you to a Beach Boys concert up in San Francisco for her birthday weekend when your father refused to indulge her so-called ‘terrible taste in music’. “There are just some things we will never agree on and music is one of them.” He had insisted back then. It was the same thing you felt like telling your friends when you declined a party invitation in favor of heading down to the strip to see the guys play. You could’ve maybe played it off casually, as if you were heading down there anyway and Sunset Curve just happened to be opening but Bobby was right, you’d never heard of the band that was performing after them.

Not to mention Luke decided to show up for a least a quarter of the day just to mess with your head. You had spotted him in the hallway between classes and smiled when he looked your way, a split second before the sea of students scrambled to get to their lockers. Your own best friends appeared by yours, looking more and more like carbon copies of the Heathers every day. You kind of hated them, truth be told, but you didn’t have too many other options.

They were badgering you about the party as you tried to wrack your brain for an excuse that sounded convincing when Luke stopped, right in front of the three of you.

“Hey, I’ll see ya tonight?” He asked, whole body turned to face you and completely ignoring the looks of disdain and shock cloaking your friends faces.

You felt like a deer in headlights. Say yes and your friends would probably ostracise you, say no and you could just imagine the look on Luke’s face. Anything but this absolutely sincere and hopeful smile was something you didn’t want to be responsible for. You really liked him looking at you like that.

“Yeah, can’t wait.” You nodded.

When he stepped back out into the traffic of the hallway he touched your waist, as if he was anchoring himself for a second and you bit your lip, letting yourself watch him disappear before turning to face the firing squad.

“Luke Patterson?” Both of your friends spoke in unison, one breaking off to elaborate, “you’re ditching a party at Max Turner’s house for Luke Patterson?”

“His band is playing at some club on the strip.” You replied, shutting your locker and heading toward your next class. “They invited me to come watch the show.”

“And you’re going?”

You hadn’t been to anything smaller than a stadium concert before and the implication of a concert at a local club venue, right on the strip with all the ‘riffraff’ that were hanging around trying to make it big like their 80’s punk rock idols wasn’t exactly your scene but, Luke had looked so cute asking you to go and you had the tiniest, maybe delusional, feeling that he’d come to school just to remind you that tonight was the concert. How could could even consider some suburban house party to that?

“Yeah, why not,” you shrugged, trying to play it off like it was nothing, you could see your social status flashing before your eyes and your mom’s voice desperately begging you to reconsider. “Besides, Luke’s hot.”

“Did you have some kind of Freaky Friday switch when you woke up this morning? Luke is not hot.”

“Okay,” you drew the word as if disbelieving. He wasn’t some 90210 reincarnate but he was definitely one of the hottest guys in school, not to mention the sleeveless shirts were an added bonus. “Well, I said I was going, so I’m going.”

And, despite the continued protests of your friends throughout the day, you did go. You promised your parents you were spending Friday night studying at Terri’s house and took the bus down to the strip to wait in line for Sunset Curve and whoever was headlining. You stood there twirling your fake ID in your hands, listening to the two girls in front of you (who didn’t need fakes) talk about some drummer that wasn’t anyone you’d ever heard of and tried to look as mature as possible. If Luke, Alex, Reggie, and Bobby could play this venue, surely you could get into it.

Whether the ID worked or the bouncer at the front door just didn’t care, he let you through, admitting you into a pulsing crowd of people making their way through the small vestibule and into the venue. You slipped your way through the crowd until you made it to the front, pressed against the railing and inches away from another bouncer who seemed just as disinterested in you. The drumkit that was already on the stage had the Sunset Curve logo on it. You ran a hand through your hair and fixed your shirt, maybe it was silly but you were sort of hoping that even in the silhouetted lighting of the venue you Luke might see you. Maybe a little pathetic groupie on your end but he had invited you.

And he did see you. Halfway through Now or Never when he looked down over the crowd, he caught you, dancing along to their music, the smile on your face as you mouthed the words was infectious. It was the combination of seeing someone singing all the songs back to them and that person being you, mixed with the adrenaline of the performance, that had him pushing to give his absolute all. You’d actually come and he was determined to make this a great concert for you.

Alex was the one to announce that they would be in the vestibule during the lull between bands, they got the occasional straggler who dared to leave their post long enough to say hello or great job but usually it garnered nothing more than the four of them splitting some pizza and relaxing by their merch table. Tonight, as they headed off stage to an enthusiastic crowd, Luke chanced a glance back but he couldn’t find you in the sea of people. Reggie grabbed his arm, pulling him the rest of the way off the stage and throwing an arm around his shoulder, going on about how awesome the show was, Luke quickly returning the jovial compliment.

“We were fire, man, that sounded so rad tonight!” He cheered, following Alex and Bobby as they made their way through the small hall that wove back into the vestibule.

“It was insane!” Reggie agreed.

You had made your way back through the venue after Luke mentioned being at the merch table, slipping back passed the bouncer at the inside door, flashing your stamped hand. Their table was set up in the corner, a little way away from the headlining band’s. You stepped into the vestibule at the same time as the boys, waving at Alex when he looked your way. He nodded, reaching over to tap Luke’s chest with the back of his hand.

“That was incredible.” You admitted, walking over to their table. Luke’s smile instantly widened as he walked around to your side, not even thinking as he hugged you, your shoulders hunching at the feeling of sweat that encompassed you. “Ew.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Luke apologized, pulling away and putting his hands on your upper arms for a second before dropping them to his sides. “Still going off the adrenaline.”

“That’s okay,” you promised, “you’re cute enough to get away with it.”

“Yeah?” He leaned against the table, trying to look cool. He felt like he was grasping for words and he didn’t want to start stuttering or sounding dumb, Bobby would never let him live it down if he made a fuck up of himself. The other three tried not to laugh and ruin his moment.

You seemed to recover from the moment first, glancing at the other three before landing on Luke again. “You guys are totally a live band though...like that was so good.”

Reggie came in with a save, letting Luke off the hook for a moment, “Are you heading back in to see the headliner?”

You grimaced, “don’t really know them...not really interested.” You replied, keeping your eyes on Luke, hoping that was hint enough that you’d come just to see him.

It clearly was because, as a few girls stepped into the vestibule and looked like they were coming your way, Luke grabbed your arm, nodding toward the doorway for you to follow him. You did, walking with him into the hallway so that it was quieter, the sounds of the house music and the chatter of people outside being drowned out in the small corridor.

“So, uh, sorry I’m still wigging out that you came.” He admitted.

“I said I was going to, twice. Did you seriously think I was lying?” You asked.

“I mean, I heard your friends giving you a hard time when I walked away, figured you might back out.”

“Well, I’m glad I didn’t, seriously Luke, you guys are amazing. You’re so talented.” You replied.

“Guess I was right when I told Reggie to take that book club gig huh?” He said, fiddling with the rabbit’s foot on his keychain.

“Why’s that?”

“I thought maybe if I was lucky, I’d catch a glimpse of you...having you come here and watch us though? Better than I could’ve imagined.” He replied, grinning at you.

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yeah, don’t act so surprised.” He said, “you gotta know how insanely cool you are. And you look beautiful tonight, by the way.”

“Thanks,” you bit your bottom lip to try and keep your composure, “I uh...damn, you’re making me super nervous.”

“Yeah?” He stepped a little closer to you, his hands brushing against yours as if he was going to hold them. You couldn’t help wishing he would.

“I should probably let you get back to your fans,” you pointed out, glancing back out the door to where a few more people had gathered. If you stayed in this hallway with him any longer there was no way you were letting him back out.

“Hang out? We could grab some pizza or something after?” He asked.

“Yeah, absolutely.”

When he walked back through the door you followed behind him, hanging back so you weren’t hovering around them as they chatted with and signed stuff for the group of people that had ventured out between sets. It didn’t matter though, as he talked, he kept looking back at you smiling as if you were both in on some sort of secret.

#luke patterson x reader #luke patterson x y/n #luke patterson x you #luke patterson imagine #luke patterson fanfic #luke patterson fanfiction #luke patterson fic #julie and the phantoms fic #julie and the phantoms fanfic #julie and the phantoms fanfictions #julie and the phantoms imagine #jatp fanfic #jatp fanfiction #jatp fic #jatp imagine #collecting stories imagine

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marjansmarwani · 3 years ago

Text

in the hope of open hands

8.5k || ao3

Vignettes of Nancy and Marjan through season two as their friendship grows stronger and turns into something more.

Here it is, the Nancy/Marjan fic I have been threatening for ages, just in time for @bellakitse‘s birthday. Happy birthday Stef! I hope you had a wonderful one, that you enjoy this bit of Nancy/Marjan softness, and that you know how much I appreciate you 💕

This is my first time writing these two and I sincerely hope I did them justice. I love them both though, so I hope that counts for something.

--------------

Michelle leaving wasn’t as shocking as it probably should have been.

But after everything that had happened - starting with a solar storm and wrapping around a worldwide pandemic - the paramedic captain putting in her two week notice was barely a blip in the grand scheme of things. Yes it would mean a change in the firehouse dynamics, yes it would mean that Nancy and Tim would have to adjust to someone new. But Marjan respected Michelle for making the decision she had - it wasn’t an easy thing to do to walk away from everything you knew and take a risk.

Which is why when Tim started on his latest round of complaining (it was so familiar she could almost trace the argument at this point) she responded in kind. She meant what she said - she admired her for making the choice, more than she could say. For all her bravado and daring in the field, she hadn’t taken too many gambles in her personal life. Yes, moving to Austin had been a risk, but it had been a calculated one. In everything else; friendship, romance, she couldn’t say the same. Marjan loved the adrenaline rush of a thrill, she hated the uncertainty of a new choice.

Nancy, at least, agreed with her.

“What a monster,” she concluded sarcastically after she listed off all the personal sacrifices Michelle had made, throwing a grin in Marjan’s direction as she finished. Marjan returned it without hesitation, their eyes meeting as Tim threw up his hands in frustration. It was becoming a familiar rhythm between them. Maybe it was the pandemic forcing them to find companionship within their everyday circles, maybe it was simply them realizing that as much as they loved their teammates, the women of the 126 needed to stick together.

Whatever it was, Marjan was glad for it. They had just started getting to know each other and before she knew it, Nancy Gillian was her friend. She could very easily become a close one too, Marjan thought, given time. Time she knew that she was willing to give.

----------

Marjan was swiping through the pictures she had just taken when she felt a familiar presence at her shoulder.

“Those are great,” Nancy said with a grin Marjan could hear even with her back to the other woman, “you’ll have to send those to me.”

“As long as you give me credit Gillian, a lot of time and effort went into these you know!”

She knew her friend was rolling her eyes even before she had fully turned around but when she got a look at her face she was not disappointed. She grinned cheekily at the paramedic before their attention was drawn to the kitchen by a loud and bright laugh from Grace. They turned to see her leaning back in her seat, one hand on Captain Vega’s shoulder and the other covering her mouth. Marjan smiled at the sight before tilting her head in their direction, “How are things going with Captain Vega? She seems like a badass.”

“She is,” Nancy confirmed, “it’s kind of awesome.”

There was admiration in her tone, but something else too.

“But?” Marjan prompted, turning her back on Captain Vega and Grace to give Nancy her full attention.

Nancy sighed, “I don’t know. It’s just been weird. Michelle was never warm and fuzzy, but we knew her. Captain Vega is...different.”

“You’ll get to know her too,” Marjan reminded her, “in time.”

“Yeah,” Nancy agreed with another glance towards her Captain, “I guess.”

“Well I know,” Marjan told her firmly. “You just need to give it time.”

Nancy smiled at her gratefully and Marjan felt a warmth of affection rush through her. “Hey,” she said after a minute, “the only downside of flaunting my superior photography skills is that I’m not in any of the pictures. Take a selfie with me?”

“Who can say no to Firefox?” Nancy quipped, but leaned down so that she was next to Marjan as she raised her camera. They both beamed at the camera as Marjan tapped the shutter button. When they were done she pulled the phone closer to look at the result. Their smiles shone just as brightly on her phone and Marjan grinned at it. She added a heart emoji for her story, but not before she downloaded a copy.

This, she decided, was a moment she wanted to remember. The beginning of better times to come, she was sure.

--------

“Why did we leave him? We wouldn’t have done that if it were anyone else!”

If it were one of you is left unsaid, but filled the spaces between them all the same.

Captain Strand reminded them it was all strictly protocol and Marjan knows he’s right but she can’t help but wonder too. She can’t help but look down at where her hand is resting on TK’s shoulder. It wasn’t all that long ago that they had almost lost him on a call. If the worst had happened, would they have left? Or would they have stayed; giving protocol the finger because that’s what you did for family.

Logically she knows the two situations were worlds away from each other. TK’s had been a freak accident in an otherwise controllable environment. The scene at the pool hadn’t been safe. There had been lava and fire everywhere; they had been ordered to abandon their recovery efforts for civilians too when the worst of it had happened. They had grabbed any survivors and they had left before the body count rose anymore. She knew it was for the best, she knew it was protocol.

That didn’t make looking at Nancy’s broken expression any less painful.

But she didn’t know what to say. What could she say to make the loss of her partner hurt less? Marjan had a team and she knew that if she lost any one of them she would lose a piece of her heart with them. Nancy and Tim had only had each other. They had had each other for so long and through so much and Marjan knew there was no way she could possibly fathom the loss that Nancy had just experienced. So instead of going to her as a friend probably should when Paul offered to spar with her she accepted eagerly. She used the punching bag as a target for her anger, for her fear. She was angry that Tim’s life had been cut short when all he had ever done was help people. She was angry Nancy had to face this. She was afraid of how this might affect her friend; she was afraid of finding herself in a similar spot someday.

But eventually the workout was over and she and Paul parted ways. She felt lighter as she stepped into the women's locker room, but not better. There was still a heaviness within her and she had a feeling it would be with her for a while. She crossed to her locker and dropped her bag onto the ground before sinking onto the bench with a weary sigh. She was just debating whether it was worth it to change at all or to simply go home in her workout clothes when she heard the sound of sniffling from beyond the row of lockers. She frowned as she stood up, stepping quietly around them until she came to a halt at the sight of the scene before her.

Nancy was on the wide bench by the showers, her feet up on the bench before her and her knees pulled up to her chin. She was sobbing; quietly but unmistakably. Marjan felt her heart break all over again as she quietly approached.

“Nance?” she asked softly as she drew closer, not wanting to startle her friend. Nancy’s face shot up and her eyes went wide at the sight of the other woman. She reached up a hand to wipe away the tears that were still rolling down her face, but Marjan shook her head.

“You don’t have to stop,” she told her as she carefully settled onto the bench beside her. “It’s okay to feel this, and let it out. And I’m not going anywhere, Nance,” she added after a moment, certainty filling her voice. “You’re not facing this alone.”

And with that, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around the other woman - tentatively at first but she tightened her hold as Nancy leaned into her. They stayed there, on the bench in the locker room as Nancy cried in Marjan’s arms, attempting to let all the fear and pain and grief inside out before it ate her alive.

And as they sat there Marjan made up her mind. She would be there for Nancy for whatever she needed for as long as she needed it. She was not about to let someone she cared about so much face this on their own.

--------

Marjan found a quiet corner and settled onto the edge of a picnic table before pulling out her phone. She took a deep breath before she dialed, tapping Nancy’s name in her phone as she did. Her mind wandered as it rang and she half hoped the other woman didn’t pick up.

“Hello?” Nancy’s voice sounded in her ear and Marjan’s heart ached at how thick it sounded.

“Hey Nance,” she said softly, “I just wanted to call and check-in, see how you’re holding up.”

There was a pause in which Marjan was certain she heard a sniffle, “I’m fine,” Nancy said but Marjan knew her well enough to know that she was lying.

She also knew that if she pushed it she would clam up, so she changed tactics instead, “We’re all thinking about you. I wish we could have been there for you.”

The truth of I wish I could have been there for you floated between them unsaid.

“It’s not like you guys have any control over the wildfires,” Nancy said eventually, her voice a little stronger. “I don’t think I can hold that against you. Besides,” she added, her voice shifting again, “you shouldn’t be worrying about me. You should be focusing on staying safe. We don’t need any more funerals.”

Marjan knew what Nancy was doing because humor was a shield that she lived behind as well. But there was a waver in her voice and Marjan was suddenly forcibly reminded that this was not Nancy’s first time at a co-worker’s memorial service. The old 126 may not have been her partner, but they had been her friends and now with Michelle following her heart and Tim in the ground, every connection Nancy had to the time before the tragedy was gone, save for Judd.

“Well you don’t need to worry about us either,” she assured her. “We’re keeping it all by the book, strictly playing by the rules.”

“Yeah well, we’ll see how long that lasts,” Nancy retorted with a snort and Marjan swore she could practically hear her roll her eyes even over the less than stellar cell connection. “This is the 126 we’re talking about, after all. It’s only a matter of time before someone pulls some crazy stunt. Personally, my money is on you or Strand.”

“I resent that!” Marjan exclaimed indignantly, but the relief of hearing Nancy’s laughter on the other end firmly proved that to be false. She let the sound wrap around her, savoring every second of it before she spoke again.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Nance?”

“I am,” Nancy replied, “this sucks, a lot. But everyday it hurts a little less. And Captain Vega has been great, we’ve gotten a lot closer.”

“I’m glad,” Marjan replied, “I think you two will make a formidable team.”

“We can’t have a team of two though,” Nancy reminded her, “we’re going to need to replace...to hire a third eventually.”

“Eventually,” Marjan agreed, “but not yet. You have some time, don’t worry about it yet.”

There was silence after that. They sat on the line together, each lost in their own thoughts, anchored to the present only by the sound of the other’s breaths. Eventually it was Nancy that broke the silence.

“Thanks Marj, for checking in. It means a lot.”

“Of course,” Marjan replies without hesitation, “I wish I could do more.”

“It’s enough,” Nancy assured her, “it’s more than enough.”

The silence returned again but it was a comfortable silence. It was comfort amongst the chaos they were both separately facing, a safe harbor to return to. But it was shattered all too soon as Commander DeLeon called for the troops to gather.

“Nancy, I’ve gotta go.”

“Yeah,” the paramedic said, “of course. Stay safe Marj.”

And with that she ended the call and Marjan was left with a smile as she joined her team for the latest briefing.

----------

“I hear you have a visitor.”

Nancy’s words pulled Marjan from her stupor and wrenched her attention from where she had been studiously stirring her tea.

“The guys told you?”

“About four minutes after I got here today. Those boys can’t keep a secret for shit.”

Marjan rolled her eyes at that, “It’s not a secret it just...never came up.”

“What, you mean there was never a time to say, ‘Hey guys, guess what? I’m engaged’?”

“And how do you think that would have gone over?”

“Probably better than meeting him by surprise outside the roller derby rink did.”

Marjan had to concede that point, at least.

“I wasn’t trying to keep him a secret,” she explained. “I guess I never really thought about it. It’s just been a part of my life for so long that I barely even think about it most of the time. And that is so separate in my head from my life here and I just...never thought of sharing it.”

Nancy didn’t say anything right away and when Marjan looked up at her it was clear that she was on the verge of saying something, but not sure if she wanted to. She waited for a few more moments before Nancy noticed her watching and gave her a smile that was tighter than her usual.

“That makes sense, I guess. It must be nice to see him after so long.”

“Yeah”, Marjan agreed, “it is.”

The smile Nancy gave her this time was more genuine, much more like herself. “I hope you enjoy his visit then,” she said before she jabbed her thumb in the direction of the ambulance bay. “I have to go take care of inventory, but we’ll take more later, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Marjan agreed, watching in confusion as Nancy walked away.

----------

All her life, Marjan had had a plan.

Now, in just one day and two conversations, that plan had been dismantled and for the first time, Marjan was facing an uncertain future. It terrified her.

She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to handle this. She knew she had made the right choice. She cared for Salim — she always had — and the fact that at some point, unbeknownst to her, she had to come to love him didn’t change anything. She was well aware that she had been the one to make this mess; but that didn’t change the end result. Salim had fallen for someone else. He had made his choice and Marjan refused to be the reason someone else got hurt. She refused to spend the rest of her life with someone she couldn’t trust; with someone who didn’t honor their commitments. That mattered to her — enough to upend her entire future, apparently.

The worst part was that she wasn’t even sure she could blame Salim. Or even their parents, for that matter. She didn’t think it was the fault of any one person; it was just something that had happened with time. They had been so young when this had all been decided, years before they had realized who they were. It had never bothered her, the idea of it. It had been comforting knowing that no matter what, she knew what the future was going to bring. She had been free to make her choices and follow her passions knowing that no matter what she had a future with Salim. She had never considered another possibility.

But now she was faced with a whole world of other possibilities and she didn’t know what to do with it. She had never really thought of the concept of romance before; she had never taken the time to consider who she found attractive. She had never seen the point, given everything. Maybe she should find it thrilling (and a small, distant part of her did) but mostly, she found it terrifying. She didn’t know what to do next.

Her pondering was interrupted by the sound of a knock at her door. She frowned, rising from the couch and approached it with trepidation. The list of people who came to visit her at home was very short, but she supposed it could be any member of her team. It could just as well be Salim, but she couldn’t fathom what he could possibly want.

She peered into the peephole, not sure what to expect, but pulled away with a smile and opened the door to reveal Nancy Gillian on her threshold, holding a bag.

“I’m not sure what kind of breakup category this falls under exactly,” she stated without prompting, “but I brought tea if it’s a ranting type and ice cream in case it’s the wallowing type. Either way, we’re ordering chinese.”

And despite it all, Marjan smiled. The first real genuine smile she had since that night at the hotel. “I think it’s a bit of both,” she replied as she stepped aside to allow the other woman entrance.

“Then we better get started,” Nancy quipped as she took the silent invitation. “We have a lot of ground to cover.”

---------

With Nancy out on medical due to her broken foot Marjan had taken it upon herself to make sure the other woman was fed and kept up on the happenings at the station. So it was a Monday evening that Marjan found herself in Nancy’s kitchen, stocking the fridge with the groceries she had brought and giving her a play by play of the minefield incident. She had already gotten the basics from Captain Vega, but while her captain’s version had been professional and to the point, Marjan’s was a lot more colorful and action packed. When she had described Reese refusing to enter the minefield Nancy had thumped a hand against the counter.

“See,” she had exclaimed, “I knew he was too good to be true!”

Marjan chuckled, but trailed off as another thought entered her head, “Would you have gone if you had been there?”

“Yeah,” Nancy replied with a shrug, “it’s not on my top ten list of things to do and frankly I’d rather not, but those boys needed help. And that’s what we do.”

And Marjan was surprised by the feeling of relief that washed over her at those words. Not relief that Nancy would have done the right things — of that Marjan had no doubt — but relief that she hadn’t been there, that she hadn’t had the chance.

Relief that she was safe, that she hadn’t taken that risk.

It was stupid and Marjan knew it. Taking risks was their business, it couldn’t be avoided and it was what they had all signed up for. But the idea of Nancy taking that risk, of Nancy putting herself in such tangible danger left her with a feeling of dread she couldn’t shake.

She didn’t know what to say next but she was saved the trouble by the sound of Nancy’s phone ringing and her excusing herself to answer it. Marjan was left to continue to ponder these thoughts as she waited for the phone call to end.

“That was Captain Vega,” Nancy announced as she hobbled back into the kitchen, setting her phone back down on the counter. “She just called to tell me that she offered TK the position, and he accepted.”

“That’s good, right?” Marjan asked as Nancy slid back into her previous seat at the counter. “Having someone you already know filling the spot? It has to take away a lot of the uncertainty.”

“It does,” Nancy admitted, “but it’ll still be an adjustment.”

She trailed off and Marjan paused in putting away the groceries she had brought over. She crossed over to the counter and leaned on it, facing the other women and giving her a beseeching look. “And?” she prompted.

Nancy looked down at her hands on the counter as she replied, voice soft, “And filling the position with someone who will stick feels like it’s official. That Tim is really gone and we’re really moving on now.”

And Marjan didn’t know what to say to that. She had never lost someone like that. She had never experienced losing one of the people closest to you, having them ripped away without warning and being expected to carry on as normal because that was the job. She didn’t know what to say to make that better.

“You are moving on,” she finally settled on, “because that’s what you need to do. That doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten Tim. Getting a new partner does not replace the memories you have of the old one.”

“I know that,” Nancy replied, not meeting her eyes, “it just feels like he’s being forgotten. He doesn’t deserve that.”

Marjan reached across the counter to tap Nancy’s arm, “Hey,” she said, “he’s not forgotten because you will always remember him. And so will I,” she promised. “He’s not going to be forgotten.”

She allowed her words to settle around them, lending weight to her oath. The smile Nancy gave her in response was frail, but it warmed Marjan’s heart to see it. She patted her arm one more time before she stepped away from the counter, returning to the groceries at hand. She knew that she couldn’t possibly imagine what Nancy was going through, but she knew that she would be there for her every step of the way.

That’s what you did for a friend, after all.

------------

“And then he told me to ‘live in it’ for a bit. Like, dude, what the fuck does that even mean?”

Marjan did her best not to audibly chuckle as she turned back to the living room with two mugs in her hand. Nancy was sprawled across her couch and fifteen minutes into a tirade about TK with no signs of stopping anytime soon. She accepted the tea from Marjan with a nod but continued on without missing a beat.

She was going on about the dangers of improperly arranged needles as Marjan settled into the chair across from her, tucking her feet underneath her and hiding her smile with her mug as she took a sip. Her attempts to hide her amusement are unsuccessful and Nancy finally stopped long enough to give her a glare.

“I am so glad me getting replaced on my own team is amusing to you, Marwani.”

Marjan rolled her eyes before setting down her mug. “Nance,” she said evenly, “you are not being replaced.”

“How can you say that?” Nancy questioned incredulously. “You saw them today. They are a perfectly well-oiled team. All I’m doing is getting in the way.”

“Nancy,” Marjan repeated, more firmly this time, “you are not getting in the way. You are an excellent paramedic, and they both know that. But your team has a new member now, and things are going to be different. It’s going to take some time to adjust, but you will.”

Nancy held her gaze for another moment before she looked away with a deep sigh. “I don’t know how to adjust to this,” she said softly. “Tim was my partner for so long. I’m not saying TK is a bad paramedic or that he’s a bad person he’s just…”

“He’s not Tim,” Marjan finished, her heart aching for the other woman as she nodded and blinked against the tears that had gathered in her eyes at the reminder. Marjan leaned forward in her seat, closing the distance between them as much as she dared. “Nancy, TK will never replace Tim. He can’t because he is someone different. You’re going to form a relationship with him too and it’s going to be different. That’s okay. It’s all part of moving forward.”

Nancy was quiet for several moments before she sighed and flopped back onto the couch dramatically, “Moving forward sucks.”

Marjan couldn’t hide the laugh that burst from her at that. “Yeah, it can,” she agreed. “If it’s any consolation though, I can almost guarantee that TK is feeling just as weird about this as you are. And if I know him, he’s going to try to find a way to fix it. And if he doesn’t, I can also guarantee that I will kick his ass, for you.”

That at least pulled a smile out from the other woman and Marjan returned it, savoring the warmth that rushed through her chest at the sight of it.

“Thanks Marj,” Nancy said eventually. “For being here, for listening. I know this is probably weird, I mean he’s your friend and here I am trash talking him…”

“Hey,” Marjan interjected, “none of that now. Yes, TK is my friend, but he’s not the only one. You are my friend too Nancy, and I will be here as long as you need to rant about this or whatever else you need to do. You’ve been there for me, let me be there for you.”

---------

TK had come through just as Marjan had known he would and, even though she had to admit she hadn’t seen it coming, turning the ambulance into a memorial seemed a perfectly fitting tribute. A way to make sure that Tim was truly never forgotten, that he was always with them.

When Nancy arrived Marjan met her eyes. She greeted her with the others but held her gaze a moment longer, silently communicating with the other woman. She didn’t want to steal TK’s thunder but she wanted her to know that everything was okay, that things were looking up. And when TK said his piece and revealed the painted memorial and tears gathered in Nancy’s eyes, Marjan could feel matching ones in her own eyes as well.

They go back to Nancy’s place after that, just the two of them. There were offers for a whole group hang but Marjan could tell that Nancy wasn’t feeling up to that just yet. So when she politely declined she found Marjan waiting by her car, an eyebrow raised.

“What,” she asked, “you didn’t think you were getting rid of me that easily, did you?”

And so here they were now - mugs of tea on the coffee table before them while a cheesy sci-fi flick played out on the screen before them. They sat in comfortable silence, both content to simply exist in the other's presence for a while, until Nancy broke the silence.

“Thank you,” she said eventually, pulling Marjan’s attention away from the movie.

“For what?” she asked with a frown.

“For being here. For having been here this entire time. I...I wasn’t sure if I would ever have someone be there for me like this again. Not after Tim.”

“Nancy, you don’t need to…”

“No, I do Marj. Just, hear me out?”

Marjan nodded and twisted her body so she was facing the other woman, watching as she took a deep breath.

“These past few months,” Nancy started, “have been awful. This process of grieving and recovering has been a long one and as much as it has sucked for me, I can’t imagine it was all that fun to be around either. But you have been there for me the entire time, in every single way. You’ve become someone I rely on and I just, needed you to know that.”

WIth that she stopped speaking and they were left once again in silence. Marjan was floored by the statement. It wasn’t that she hadn’t known that she and Nancy were close, but hearing it laid out like that, knowing how much it had mattered to her put it all in a new light. But something Nancy had said bothered her. She leaned forward to place a hand on her knee, holding her gaze as she spoke.

“You are never a burden, Nance. Whatever you’re feeling, whatever the situation, I will always be there for you. It was never a hardship and it never will be. You’re very important to me too, you know.”

The smile Nancy gave her in return was soft and bright and when she shifted closer closing the distance between them as she turned back to the movie, Marjan let it happen. And if when she readjusted her seat she sank even closer to Nancy, the warmth of her body pulling her closer, that was fine too.

-------------

Marjan is no stranger to fear, but she’s never quite felt a fear like this one before.

When Judd called her to let her know that the 126 paramedic team and ambulance was missing, her first thought wasn't for TK. She loves him like a brother and she wanted nothing more than for him to be okay, but he wasn’t not her first thought.

Her first thought was Nancy.

It’s her name that drives the fear, the thought of never hearing her laugh again that steals her breath. It’s her smile and her warm, brown eyes that she is holding desperately in her memories, hoping she will have a chance to see them again.

And when they get the call that they were found and that TK is hurt but the other two are fine, Marjan can finally breathe again.

She was in her car heading to the hospital before she could even think, pulling in and entering the building with barely a thought and absolutely no plan. She was hovering in the emergency room entrance, trying to figure out her next step when she spotted a familiar figure across the room.

“Carlos!” she called and strode towards him. He looked up, startled, but his expression evened when he spotted her.

“Marj, hey,” he said, and he looked like a wreck. She stepped closer, peering at him with concern and allowing another fear to enter her mind for the first time.

“How’s TK? I heard he was hurt…”

“Yeah,” Carlos agreed grimly, “he has a pretty nasty head injury. He’s getting some scans and tests done now so we’ll know soon, I just stepped out to call my mom back. Captain Strand is in the waiting room upstairs though if you want to go up.”

“Oh,” she said, surprised and not sure how to respond, “actually I…”

She trailed off but Carlos gave her a calculating look before he smiled and spoke again, “Nancy is upstairs too. She’s okay, not a scratch on her.”

Marjan couldn’t even be bothered to try and hide the relief she felt at that. She could feel some of the tension leave her body as Carlos chuckled softly, shaking his head, “I was wondering when you’d figure it out.”

She opened her mouth to make a retort but found that she couldn’t even find the words. There is too much else in her head right now. But Carlos was still grinning that knowing grin at her and she couldn’t let him off easy, “TK has been a bad influence on you, Reyes.”

She’s known Carlos long enough to know that this is where he would usually fire back some clever retort. He doesn’t, but his expression softens at the mention of his boyfriend and he glances back towards the elevator that separates them. “I should go make this phone call,” he said instead. “I don’t want to be gone too long. Nancy is in one of the waiting rooms, second door on your left once you get off the elevator, 4th floor.”

Marjan nodded her thanks and reached out to give his arm a comforting squeeze before he walked away. “They’re safe Carlos,” she tells him, “it’s going to be okay.”

He smiled at her again before he turned and walked away and as she waits for the elevator she is left to wonder who those words were really for. She’s left to ponder that on the ride up, which seems to last so much longer than the four floors. Her heart was racing in her chest as she stepped out onto the correct floor, her feet following Carlos’s directions without much input from her mind. She was hardly breathing as she reached the correct door, but when she stepped across the threshold she could feel it all fall away at the sight of Nancy - unhurt and very much alive.

She is sitting in a chair off to the corner, staring out the dark window so intently she didn’t even hear Marjan enter. She didn't notice until Marjan paused a few steps from her and softly said her name. It’s only then that she turns from the window to see Marjan standing before her, and her breath catches.

“Marj, what are you doing here?”

Marjan stares at her for a moment before she splutters out a response. “What am I doing here?” she repeats indignantly. “Nancy, you were kidnapped and held hostage. Where else would I be?”

They stare at each other in silence for a few more moments before Nancy reaches for her and Marjan meets her in a heartbeat, sinking into the chair next to her and pulling her into her arms.

“I’m so sorry this happened,” she said into Nancy’s shoulder as she clutched her tightly. “Are you okay?”

“I wasn’t the one hurt,” Nancy replied softly, and Marjan hugged her even tighter.

“Just because you’re not hurt doesn’t mean you’re okay,” she reminded her softly. “Whatever you’re feeling now, it’s okay.”

There was silence for a few more moments before Nancy spoke again, voice so soft Marjan barely heard it, even being as close as they were.

“I was so scared,” she admitted. “I thought we were all going to die. For a while I thought I had lost another partner and now...I don’t know where to go from here.”

Marjan’s heart broke at the sound of the pain and fear still in her voice. She didn’t know what to say, so she settled for rubbing a soothing circle on her back.

“You’re all safe,” she said eventually, “and that’s what matters. Everything else we’ll figure out in time.”

The only response she got to that was a soft sniffle and Marjan couldn’t help the way her arms tightened around the other woman at the sound. She knew this would be hard, she knew there was not magic switch to throw to make it all better. She knew it would take time.

But she also knew that Tommy was unharmed and home with her family, that TK would be okay, and that Nancy was here and whole and in her arms. From this point, they could face anything. And none of them would do it alone. Tommy had Charles and her girls, TK had Carlos and Nancy, well...

“I’m not going anywhere,” Marjan reminded her softly, speaking the words into her hair and allowing them to fill this bubble they had formed. Maybe there were things to handle and people to call, but for now they had each other and that was more than enough.

------------

The next few weeks are mostly spent together. There are shifts and calls and the Ryder’s accident but almost every moment in between, Marjan realizes, she has spent with Nancy.

She is a shoulder to lean on as Nancy copes with the kidnapping but Marjan would be lying if she said she didn’t find their time spent together just as soothing. The fear that came with the idea of Nancy in danger is never far from her mind in those first few weeks. Then they lean on each other when faced with the fear and possibility of losing Judd and Grace. They celebrate the joy of their survival and their news together too, just as they do most everything these days.

Soon enough that is behind them though and even without a trauma to cope with Marjan still finds herself in the other woman’s company more often than not. She also finds that she doesn’t mind it, and that often she is the one seeking it out. Somehow Nancy Gillian became her closest friend when she wasn’t looking but Marjan can’t say she is too upset by that. There are far worse things to have stumbled into, she thinks.

After all nothing involving Nancy Gillian can be anything even remotely short of good, in her opinion.

------------

Marjan let herself into her apartment, Nancy on her heels.

“Marj,” she tries again, “it doesn’t matter what they think.”

“No, it doesn’t,” she agrees, “but it does matter what McKenna thinks. She thinks her husband dying was my fault, Nancy. What if she’s right? What if I had been able to save him if I had been just that much quicker? All I needed to save him was another thirty seconds. How long do you think that exchange on the overpass took?”

“Marjan,” Nancy said again, firmly this time, “don’t do that. You know as well as I do that asking those kinds of questions doesn’t do any good. If you start dwelling on that kind of stuff it’ll mess with your head and you can’t have that. What happened was awful and I am so sorry, but you need to move forward. It’s the only thing you can do.”

Marjan stepped away from her, wrapping her arms around her body. “I know that,” she admitted, voice thick, “but that doesn’t make it any better. He died, Nance. He died right in front of me because I wasn’t quick enough to save him. No amount of logic in the world is going to change how I feel about that.”

She could feel the tears starting to form and she went to turn away from her friend. But in the next moment arms wrapped around her, preventing her from straying any further.

“It’s okay to feel it,” Nancy told her gently. “You can cry, I’m not going anywhere.”

Marjan wanted to tell her that she was fine, that she could handle this on her own. But when she looked up to say as much and her eyes met Nancy’s, her resolve crumbled. Before she knew it she had dissolved into sobs, soaking the material of Nancy’s shirt as she held her gently, murmuring soothing words into her hair.

She knew this wasn’t a permanent solution, she knew there was still more she would have to do to move on from this. But in this moment and the safety of Nancy’s arms, she let it all come out.

---------

“I can’t believe it,” Nancy said as she and Marjan stepped into her apartment, flicking on the kitchen lights to chase away the early dawn darkness. “Can you even imagine, your entire life, gone just like that.”

“Not their lives,” Marjan reminded her as she set down her purse and leaned wearily against the counter, “alhamdulillah.”

“I know,” Nancy continued, “and I know in the grand scheme of things they were so lucky and I am beyond grateful that they’re okay but...this is going to be so much to move on from. I can’t even begin to fathom that.”

“Me neither,” Marjan admitted. “But they’ll be okay. They have each other, and they have us.”

“Us, huh?”

Marjan looked up sharply to see Nancy looking at her, a small smile on her face.

“Yeah, you know — the 126. We’ll all be there for them.”

“Yeah, of course,” Nancy agreed hurriedly, looking away from her. It took Marjan all of three more seconds to realize what Nancy had meant and she cursed herself. This past day had been something, and her brain was fried. But she needed to address this, Nancy needed to know.

“I suppose that’s not the only ‘us’ though,” she hedged as she stepped closer. “I like them all an awful lot, but I can’t say I feel the same way about them as I do about you.”

“Oh?” Nancy asked and though her voice was purposefully casual, Marjan could see the hope in her eyes.

“I’ve come to care about you an awful lot,” she admits. “And, I don’t have a lot of experience with feelings like this, but I don’t think they are strictly friendly ones.”

Nancy was quiet for a second before she spoke again, “So either you're asking to be my arch nemesis or…”

Marjan rolled her eyes. “You are such a dork, I can’t believe I like you.”

“You like me?” Nancy replied quickly. “As in, you like me, like me?”

Marjan stepped closer, leaving barely an inch between them now. She could see every fleck of color in Nancy’s eyes, and it affected her in a way she had never quite experienced before.

“I like you, like you, Nancy Gillian,” she said clearly, not wanting to beat around the bush. There was a time for being quippy and fun, and then there was this. She wasn’t willing to leave this to chance. She reached her hand across the small distance between them and found Nancy’s, tangling her fingers with her own. When she felt a squeeze in response, she smiled, leaning forward and resting her head against Nancy’s shoulder.

They stayed like that, wrapped in each other in Marjan’s kitchen for a time she couldn’t quantify, but she savored every second that passed. Eventually Nancy broke the silence as she glanced out the window above the sink.

“It’s late, or early, I guess. I should go.”

Marjan stepped back, just enough to see Nancy’s eyes again, still clutching her hand with her own.

“Stay?” she asked. Nancy hesitated for a moment and Marjan pressed on, “It doesn’t have to be like that just...stay?”

The early morning silence drifted through the kitchen as Marjan studied Nancy. Then Nancy smiled at her and Marjan swore she felt her heart swell three sizes. She used their linked hands to pull them out of the kitchen and towards something new.

------------

The next morning Marjan woke up to find that she was not alone.

She smiled at the sight of Nancy beside her, still sleeping soundly. She shifted to try and get a better view of the marvel beside but her motions caused the other woman to stir and soon she was greeted with the equally wonderful sight of Nancy’s tired eyes blinking at her.

“Good morning,” she said softly, not wanting to startle her.

“Morning,” Nancy murmured less gracefully, a yawn jutting its way through her words, “what time is it?”

Marjan shrugged, “Not sure. Doesn’t matter though - it’s not like we have a fire station to go to work in.”

Nancy huffed a dry laugh as she shifted so she was on her side, facing Marjan. “You know until you said something I thought that maybe all that was a dream. Actually, until you said something, I thought this was a dream. It still might be, come to think of it.”

Marjan rolled her eyes and leaned over to press a soft kiss to Nancy’s forehead. “Does that feel like a dream?” she asked.

“Actually, yes, if I’m being honest.” Nancy replied and Marjan scoffed, reaching over to pinch the other woman’s arm. She yelped in surprise but Marjan only raised an eyebrow.

“Still think you’re dreaming?” she asked.

“No,” Nancy replied, “but I am starting to wonder if this mean side of you is a normal morning thing.”

“I don’t know,” Marjan said with a shrug, scotting closer to Nancy as she lay back down, “I guess you’ll have to stick around to find out.”

------------

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take!”

“Nance,” Marjan admonished, “stop being so dramatic. It’s fine!”

Nancy shifted so she was facing her. “It is not fine, Marj! I hate this. Not getting to see you at work is one thing, but not knowing where you’ll be working or if you’ll have a good team to watch your back? Your team is a collective pain in my ass at times, but I trust them. But now I’m just supposed to be okay with you doing what you do not knowing who is there to back you up? I’m not.”

Marjan rolled her eyes but she had to admit that the clear concern the paramedic had for her softened the gesture considerably. “Think about it this way,” she said instead, moving closer and running a hand up her arm as she spoke, “we’ve already survived numerous natural disasters and cataclysmic events. What more could there be?”

“I think that’s called tempting fate.”

“I think it’s called logic,” Marjan countered. “Hey,” she added when Nancy’s expression didn’t lighten, reaching out to twine their fingers together, “nothing is going to change. We’re still us, no matter what stations we’re working from.”

“You can’t say that,” Nancy argued softly, “because everything already has. And after everything...I couldn’t handle losing you too.”

While the concern still touched her, the fear in Nancy’s voice bore into her chest like a dull knife. “I can’t promise anything,” she said eventually, “you know that. Neither of us can make that promise because neither of us can guarantee that we’ll be able to keep it. But I can promise that I will do my best to come back to you every single day, no matter what.”

“I know that,” Nancy assured her softly, “I just can’t help but worry.”

Marjan leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek, moved by the weight of her affection for her. “I know that because I feel the same way. But I’ll be fine, Nance. We’ll both be, you’ll see.”

------------

“What was that you were saying last night?” Nancy said to her as she opened her apartment door to let her in. “I believe it was something along the lines of ‘what more could there be?’ How does it feel to have tempted the gods, Marwani.”

Marjan scoffed and shut the door behind them as she followed Nancy into the kitchen. “It’s not like I caused the dust storm,” she parried back. “I didn’t actively put myself in that position. I wonder if the same could be said for everyone in this room or if maybe someone stole an ambulance and went out into a natural disaster of their own free will?”

Nancy froze before slowly turning to face Marjan, who was waiting with a single unimpressed eyebrow raised. “Okay,” she admitted, “that’s fair. And I’m sorry. It’s not like I’m mad at you for anything - you were just doing your job. I’m just…”

“Worried?” Marjan provided, “Because I was too. As soon as you guys had to pack up to head to another call I could feel it. I guess that’s something we’re going to have to get used to now.”

“Hmm,” Nancy agreed as she stepped into Marjan’s space, “that sucks.”

“It does,” Marjan agreed, reaching out her hands to rest on Nancy’s shoulders, “but you’re worth it.”

-------------

Marjan was woken up the next morning by the smell of breakfast coming from her kitchen. She frowned as she tried to remember what she had left out, but the sight of a rumpled and empty pillow beside her soon brought her clarity. She smiled as she pulled back the covers and climbed out of her bed, heading for the kitchen.

After the 126 hang at Captain Strand/Mateo/TK and Carlos’s house last night they had ended up back here, again. Marjan couldn’t say that she minded the new routine. It hadn’t been long but sleeping with the other woman beside her had become more and more of a habit as time went on and it wasn’t one she was looking to quit. Her smile only widened as she stepped into her kitchen to see Nancy at the stove sliding eggs onto two plates.

“Good morning,” she said softly as she drew closer, coming up behind Nancy and wrapping her arms around her waist.

“Good morning to you too,” Nancy quipped. “I was hoping the smell of turkey bacon would entice you out of bed.”

“It woke me up,” Marjan admitted, “but you not being there got me up. Turns out my bed is lonely without you.”

Nancy switched off the burner before turning, bending down to place a light kiss on her forehead. “I think I like the sound of that.”

“You better,” Marjan countered with a grin, “because it’s the truth.”

Nancy flushed brilliantly and Marjan’s grin grew, but any retort she could have made was interrupted by the sound of Marjan’s phone ringing.

“Hold that thought,” she murmured before stepping out of Nancy’s embrace and circling to the counter to grab her phone. She frowned at the screen as she picked it up, turning it so Nancy could see Captain Strand’s name on the screen.

“Cap?” She said in question as she answered. “Is everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine,” he assured her and she couldn’t hide the deep sigh of release she let out at that, “better than fine actually. I have a plan, but I am going to need your help, if you’re willing. Well, you and the rest of the team.”

“Sure,” she said, shifting the phone from her ear before putting it on speaker and placing it on the counter between them. “Name it, I’m sure we’ll be happy to help.”

“How do you feel about doing the 126 renovations ourselves? The red tape is going to take ages and I don’t know about you, but I’m eager to get the team back together as quickly as possible.”

She looked across the counter to see Nancy already grinning. “I think that sounds like a great idea Cap, just let me know what you need.”

“Just as many hands as we can get, though I hear you’re pretty good with mechanical stuff too so maybe a bit of that as well. Could you meet us at the station in two hours?”

“Sure thing Cap,” she replied, “I’ll be there and ready to get our team back.”

“That’s the plan,” Captain Stand agreed. “Oh, and one more thing. I hate to ask, but do you think you could pass it on to Nancy? I have TK out gathering supplies and I don’t want to put anything else on Captain Vega right now, and I’m embarrassed to say I don’t have her number.”

Marjan grinned across the counter to where Nancy was still standing, watching her with a warm smile.

“Not a problem Cap, she already knows. We’re together.”

Marjan doesn’t know if her Captain picks up on the double meaning of her words and she doesn’t care. All she does care is that she can say them; that they’re true. She cares that they are together. She might care more about that than she has really ever cared about anything.

She thinks that finally, she might know what love feels like, and she knows that whatever the future brings she’s ready to face it with her partner by her side.

#911 lone star #911 lone star fic #Nancy/Marjan #marjan marwani #nancy gillian #my writing #userkimmy #userjilly #userac #usermaximus #userbones #tuserpaige #tuserjamie #reyesstrand #reyeslonestartag #I always feel like I am forgetting people #but it is what it is

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bellmel · 4 years ago

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Reading you, before the fall

An angsty contribution to @clarensjoy’s Hinny Ficfest 2021 (A huge thank you, by the way - seeing my feed flooded by new Hinny fics today has been truly amazing. I’m so glad you arranged this!)

Prompt #40 - “I love you.” “Why do you look like you’re confessing a sin?” “I might as well be.”

AO3

---

There were several things Ginny Weasley could do with her eyes closed. She could cruise along on her broom, guided by nothing more than instinct and her finely-tuned spatial awareness. She could navigate the staircase of the Burrow in absolute darkness. She could tell which of her brothers was walking up behind her just by the distinctive thud and pace of their footsteps.

And with her eyes closed, she could read Harry Potter.

Harry had always been a fairly easy study. He had never been particularly good at hiding his emotions – his temper and brazen manner left little room for uncertainty. But in these past three weeks that they had shared together, Ginny had learnt to look beyond what was plainly visible, turning her attention instead to the subtlest of his quirks and mannerisms. And when she was pressed up against him with her eyes closed, her other senses truly awoke, picking up on the unspoken and the unseen.

The sound of his voice, steady with confidence, or stilted and hushed with an almost vulnerable uncertainty, betrayed more about him in those moments than his words ever could. The way his breath hitched just so each time she leant into his lips, as if he could never tire of kissing her. The way he sighed when their fevered kissing would ease and Ginny would tip her head, resting her forehead on his chest – it was a soft and shaky sound, a sigh born from an odd blend of contentment and something like trepidation. They were sounds that she felt as much as heard, each one filling her like a warm rush of blood that pulsed through her body, settling and expanding in her chest.

But while the sound of him was like a well-studied soundtrack, it was her hands and fingers that had learnt to read Harry Potter with expert certainty. She could read his mood and anxieties according to the tension in his muscles and the stiffness of his limbs, the way his body responded to her touch, and the fluidity of his movements against hers.

She would trail her fingers over his arm, his torso, his cheeks. Dancing a familiar path across his body, her feather-light touch would skim over his skin with the practiced confidence of a blind person reading braille, the twitch of his muscles and his goosebumps telling her a story of grief, longing, regret and fear.

And like many a narrative of love and loss, her reading of Harry had been hinting at a turning point in the days since Dumbledore’s death. The signs, albeit subtle, were all there. They left a trail of crumbs that she couldn’t bring herself to follow.

It put her even more on edge, nervous anticipation having settled heavily in her stomach. She had no way of knowing if it was the next scene, the next page, the next chapter when the twist that they were so clearly moving towards would drop. And in a way, she figured it didn’t matter. What was to come had already been written, and nothing she did now would change it. She didn’t believe it was fate, more an inevitability.

But Ginny’s mind was firmly focused elsewhere on this early morning in June. Harry’s hands had that ability, an unconscious way of commanding her attention. Even the stones of the tall castle wall jutting into her back were just a distant annoyance, drowned out by the feel of Harry leaning into her, his hands gripping her hips and waist.

He was quiet this morning. Both of them had woken early, sleep proving somewhat elusive these days. They were the first ones in the common room, but they hadn’t lingered long, instead escaping out onto the castle grounds before the other students were due to start trickling into the Great Hall for breakfast.

Outside, the grounds were sleepy and calm, the early rising sun having done little to budge the thick fog that had settled over the lake. It was fitting in a way, the grounds of Hogwarts as unclear as everything else inside the castle.

With little interest in talking, Harry had led Ginny to a partially hidden alcove around the side of the castle, and immediately started kissing her. It was frenzied to begin with, Harry clearly chasing a distraction through her, but she didn’t care. They stayed there, engrossed in each other, until Harry’s lips and body became less frantic, and his kisses and touch eased to a slow and tender pace.

After several minutes, Ginny pulled away just enough to catch her breath. “Harry,” she exhaled. It was still and quiet all around them, and Harry’s heavy breaths next to her ear filled the void.

From inside came the first distant sounds of students moving about in the castle, muffled laughter and shouts as they made their way down the staircase to the Great Hall.

Harry looked down at Ginny, realisation etched on his face as if he had only just remembered where they were. “Oh, do you-” he started, straightening up. “Sorry. You probably want to go get some breakfast.”

Ginny shook her head. “No. I’m not really hungry.” She leaned into him, wrapping her arms around him. “Besides, I’d rather stay here with you.”

She expected him to protest and insist she go in and eat before their classes begin. But he simply nodded in agreement, and bent down to kiss the top of her head.

She wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him down further to place a kiss on his nose, his lips, and his stubbly chin. He responded by cupping her face in his hands, his thumb caressing her cheek.

“Ginny,” he sighed. With eyes shut tight, he pressed his forehead to hers and let out a long shaky breath. And then, in a moment that would reverberate through both her dreams and her nightmares, came those words. “I love you, Ginny.”

It was softer than a whisper, an utterance that could be felt more than heard.

She had heard those words her whole life, sometimes said as a reassurance or as a farewell, or through the gritted teeth of a chastised sibling. But never before had she heard those words said like this. It wasn’t a declaration or a promise, it was something else entirely.

Ginny looked up at him, at his creased brow and pursed lips, and her breath caught in her throat. His face was streaked with pain and remorse.

Her voice quivered, the hint of a nervous laugh. “Why do you look like you’re confessing a sin?” she asked, silently willing him to prove her wrong.

Instead, he opened his eyes and looked regretfully into hers. “I might as well be.”

And it was this exact moment that Ginny realised the suspicion she had been pushing against so desperately these past few days was no longer simply a suspicion. Harry’s admission told her everything she needed to know.

The regret she saw in his eyes wasn’t for his words, but for all that they meant.

She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the knowledge from her mind, desperately trying to tamper the howling agony that was ringing in her ears. Placing her palms flat against his chest, she braced herself and exhaled slowly, forcing her heart rate to ease, attempting to take her time over every detail. Hoping against all reason that she could slow things down, delay the ending, just for a little longer.

And with the clarity of hindsight, she realised he had been doing the same. Ever since his mentor had died, Harry had been trapped in a restless cycle of indecision. He would tense under her touch, only to relent a moment later and melt into her. He was pulling away from her at the same time as he clung to her, like a drowning man grasping at the one thing that could keep him afloat.

Leaning back to look up at him, she ran her hands up his arms, her fingers skating over his shoulders, his collarbone, and coming to rest on his chest. His eyes remained fixed on hers, as if he too was trying to etch this moment into his memory, before his arms tightened around her, and he dragged her in closer. Ginny leant into it, allowing Harry to keep her braced. She should have felt nothing but safe, comfortable and certain, being here with him. But all she felt was the shudder and tremble of his still-grieving body wrapped around hers, and there was no comfort to be found in that.

Her heart ached for him. For the boy who had far too little choice afforded to him, and far too much expectation placed on him. For the boy who had experienced so much already, but wasn’t yet done. For the boy who seemed to have finally found happiness, and was now trying to find the resolve to turn his back on it. Because yet again, it was up to Harry to do what was necessary.

You do it, a voice whispered in her head. You can break it off. Her eyes shot open, mind whirling with realisation. This was the one thing she could do for him, the one responsibility she could lift from his overburdened shoulders and carry herself.

She looked up at him. His head was bent forward, eyes fixed to where her small hands were pressed against his chest. And Ginny knew she couldn’t. She would never be the one to walk away.

She couldn’t look him in the eye, a boy who had known so much rejection and such little love in his life, and tell him it was over. Even if she knew it was the right thing to do.

Even if she knew what the alternative would mean for Harry.

Because while Harry was the protagonist of his story, turning his back on Ginny would make him feel like the villain. For as noble as he was, as selfless and kind as he was, he was still a boy who was terrified of letting anyone down.

If she was honest with herself though, she would have to admit that her reluctance was driven in part by a tiny but insistent piece of her that wondered if maybe she had read this wrong. That feared acting on something that perhaps wasn’t inevitable. Even though the rational part of her knew better.

Coward, the voice in her head reproached. And she agreed.

Taking a deep breath, she drew up her shoulders and steadied her resolve. If she couldn’t be the one to ring the death knell on their relationship, she could stand aside and let him do it. She would watch him walk away from her, and she wouldn’t try to stop him.

But until then, she would be here with him, savouring him.

With steady hands, Ginny pulled Harry down towards her and captured his lips with hers. She wanted him to know that she understood. That she didn’t blame him. That she didn’t regret him.

But she had no words. She didn’t even know if the right words existed. Instead, she poured it into her kiss and her touch. Let her lips, her tongue, her mouth say the things her voice couldn’t. I’m sorry, her kiss said. I forgive you.

I love you.

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songbirdsingingthings · 4 years ago

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Chilled - Spencer Reid x Reader

WARNINGS: I mean, this is a cm fic so theres gonna be some gore involved, but nothing too insane. If you do get squeamish really easily though, this might not be the fic for you?

The air finally started to have a certain chill to it, one that no matter what you wore, you felt it in your bones. That paired with your day job left you feeling no warmth, not even if you were lit on fire yourself. And now, in the middle of January, you and the team have to travel to North Dakota, of all places, for a pretty touchy case. Since it was an above average winter, snowstorms were pelting the state at a quite alarming rate. This posed the perfect opportunity for the unsub they were hunting - as they would dump the bodies in huge snow drifts. The local authorities only started to find the bodies when snow started to develop an off putting color.

“Remember to bundle up my lovelies, you are going to be braving some serious sub zero tempetratures! I don’t want any of my favorite agents turning into popsicles.” Garcia says as she’s handing out the files to everyone at the round table. Peeling back the manilla folder, you almost wish you hadn’t. The discoloration on the snow was perfectly nauseating and what made your heart drop more was the shape that the corpses were in. There was clear evidence of asphyxiation and stab wounds on the body and, however, something didn’t feel perfectly right about the way that the person died. Not being able to put a finger on the thought, you slid the manilla folder into your bag and stood up like the rest of your team.

“C’mon, Y/N/N, better get going, yeah?” Derek asks, waiting for you to start walking. You nod and start walking out with everyone else, only for you all to get stopped by Erin Strauss. “Hello agents, before you leave, we wanted to leave you all with something.” Standing up on your toes to peer over the guys in front of you - seriously, did Hotch, Morgan, and Reid have to be so tall? - you get a look at what she and some of her own agents were holding. Pristine new FBI jackets with those classic faux fur lined hoods were folded in her hands along with what looked like windbreaker sweatpants. “So you don’t get cold.” Erin states plainly, passing the clothing out to the squad.

“Wow, these are great!” Emily said excitedly, threading her fingers through the faux fur.

“And to think I packed three different windbreakers,” you joke, taking your time to unzip the jacket and slide your arms through it. You sigh and as the material instantly makes you feel a lot cozier.

“Jackets like these were actually first invented somewhat recently in 1936,” Spencer starts.

“‘Recently’?” you quip, flashing Spencer a smile.

“They were invented by a man named Eddie Bauer who almost lost his life to hypothermia when he went on a mid-winter fishing trip.” Chuckling a little, Derek patted Spencer on the back and jogged quickly to the plane due to Virginia’s January chill.

“If you're cold now, Morgan, I don’t know how you’re gonna react when we step out of the plane in North Dakota!” JJ laughs, earning a nudge from Emily.

Finally, everyone piles onto the plane, taking up seats and instantly turning on the seat warmers. You settle gently in the window seat of the two-seater, and Spencer quickly joins you.

“Mind if I sit?” He asks, motioning to the seat to your left.

“Not at all,” you smile. Both you and Spencer considered the other as good friends, maybe even best friends. You started a mere two years after Spencer did. Since the two of you were around the same age - him a few years older - and were newer to the force, you found instant solace and comradery in the other. Over the years, you and Spencer became a lot closer. Whether it was caring and being there for him when he had his dilaudid scare or either of you sleeping over at the other’s houses when the nightmares became too much, you developed a strong relationship full of trust.

“All I’m saying is that if we get there and it looks like the frozen planet Hoth, I’m going to be pissed.” You joke as the plane starts its descent.

“Oh come on Y/N, pretty boy will wrap you up in his jacket to keep you warm.” Derek said, ruffling Spencer’s hair. A light blush graced both of your faces as you began to gather any strewn files.

“Let’s not tease, Morgan, Capisci?” Rossi says, giving you a gentle smile. Rossi was always nice to you. He provided a much needed parental figure at the BAU, giving you tough love or a gentle guiding hand when needed. Soon enough, the squad was able to leave the place and be driven over to the local police precinct. The details that the police chief had were dished out to the team and talked over multiple times. It was tough, to say the least. They had no leads, no suspects, and no new facts.

= 3 Days Later =

Energy for the team was at an all time low. The heating was starting to slowly die, new bodies kept showing up everyday, and you were still no where close to finishing this investigation.

“Let’s go over everything again.” Hotch begins, his statement being said for the third time within 2 hours. “The victims are buried beneath at least 2 feet of snow, it takes between 1 and 3 days for anybody to recognize anything’s up, and there are stab wounds and evidence of asphyxiation…” Hotch droned on which led you to faze out a bit. All you could think of were your cold body, your cold feet, and your cold ass fingers. That’s when you realized something.

“O-oh my God.” You say, standing straight up as you re-examine the pictures. All eyes in the room turn towards you, curious. You start to pace the room as you hold the crime scene photos in your hands. “I know that there are stab wounds and asphyxiation evidence, but neither of those are what killed them. The wounds are in non-fatal areas of the body and the asphyxiation wasn’t severe enough to fully kill them.” You say, your mind going miles a minute.

“So what are you saying killed them?” JJ asks, leaning forward.

“Hypothermia,” you breath out, “the stab wounds prevent the victim from getting anywhere too far and look at the frostbite on the hands,” you say pointing to the darkened limbs.

“It’s progressed far enough to make your hypothesis possible.” Spencer says, standing up as well.

“Okay, so where could the unsub be keeping his victims in a place remote enough to leave them out in the cold?” Rossi asks, looking between you and Hotch.

“Garcia?” Hotch simply says, listening into the speaker on the table.

“Already there captain, I’m sending you the locations now.” Penelope sends three different locations to the squad making everyone gather around the computer.

“Alright Prentiss and Morgan go to the first one, Reid and L/N to the second, and Rossi and I will take the third, let’s move!” He says quickly. Everyone gathers their things and you and Spencer share a look and nod. Each duo climbs into their own car equipped with cold weather tools and sped off to the different locations.

“Great find Y/N,” Spencer says, giving you a reassuring look. You flash a weary smile at him and step on the gas, speeding off to the location.

The place looks like it’s straight out of a horror movie. There’s an old raggedy windmill on the left of a shabby wooden cabin, bordered by huge fir trees.

“My God, this place is terrifying.” You murmur, pulling your gloves on and your gun out of your belt. Spencer is on your right as you start to slowly make you way towards the building. Out of the corner of your eye you spot a tiny little shack just south of the windmill. “Spence, you take the house and I’ll take the shack, okay?” you whisper, making sure that no one else but him could hear you. Spencer looks a little shocked at you.

“Y-Y/N, are you kidding? We need to stick together on this!” He says quietly, grabbing your hand. For some reason, neither of you are shocked at his action. You only squeeze his hand tighter.

“I’ll be fine Spence, I promise. We’ll get a cup of hot chocolate after this, okay?” You say, giving him a small grin. Spencer nods back giving you a smile as well.

“Yeah but you’ll just ruin yours with too much whipped cream and cinnamon. It totally defeats the purpose of the hot chocolate.” He quips back. You give him a quiet laugh and nod, squeezing his hand one last time before you head towards the shack. It was a ways away from the main house making your trek a little longer than Spencers, but you finally made it to the small wooden building. You drew in a breath as you began to see footprints with small bits of red in them. Your gloved hand reaches for your flashlight. You jump as you hear increasing steps behind you and turn around quickly, aiming your gun and squinting your eyes until you realize it was nothing but a deer passing by behind you.

Be cool, Y/N, you’re fine. You’re good.

You kick open the door to find the unsub about to attack a near naked girl, knife in hand and a wild look in his eyes.

“FBI stop what you’re doing right now, drop the knife!” You yell. The man turns around to face you, knife still in hand and charging towards you. You fire a quick shot to his leg making him stumble, kick away the knife from his hand, and cuff him. You finally turn your eyes onto the girl who was terrified. “It’s okay, you’re okay now,” You say, helping her stand. That’s when you notice the condition that she was in. Her lips were almost purple now, the rest of her skin turning blue. You shrug your jacket and long sleeve shirt off of you as fast as you could putting both of them on her. You stuff your gloves on her hands and shimmy out of your windbreaker pants, leaving you in nothing but athletic shorts and a tank top. Screw it, you could bear these sub zero temperatures in these clothes for a few minutes, this girl needed warmth. An instant chill settled into your bones making your teeth chatter in seconds. You shout for Spencer as you help the girl to the door and make the unsub stand up, dragging him in front of you. Your friend finally came into view, running at full speed towards you.

“Y/N, oh my god, are you okay?” He asks you. You nod as you let out a sigh, already knowing that your lips are starting to stray towards periwinkle. You could see the rest of the team running towards the shack. Derek took care of handling the unsub while Emily helped the girl back towards the vans, surely to help try and heat her up.

“I’m pissed,” you chatter out, causing Spencer to raise an eyebrow. You roll your eyes and start rubbing your hands along your bare forearms, trying to generate any kind of warmth. “This place looks exactly like Hoth, and Morgan is gonna end up being right because I would kind of love to have your jacket right now.” You chatter-laugh, one of the weirdest sounds to ever come out of your mouth. Quickly nodding, Spencer starts to shed his jacket off of you, but stops halfway. “Spencer what the hell are you doing, my fingers are all already numb, it’s gonna hurt like hell to warm them back up.”

“I actually have a more efficient idea, but we might want to go into the car first.” Giving no complaints, you and Spencer raced back to the backseat of a car, waiting for him to blast the heat. He does so, but it’s still not warming you up.

“Is this seriously what you had in mind? Because I’m still feeling like a popsicle and Garcia will be very made to hear that.” You say chuckling nervously.

“No, it’s this,” Spencer says, opening the front of his jacket. He brings you close to him and rezips the jacket, making you pressed right up against him. Not that you would go around talking to it about just anyone, but he was built underneath that cotton gray shirt.

“Sp-Spence what are you doing?” You whisper-yell quietly, your cheeks burning up.

“Skin to skin, it’s one of the quickest ways to get warm.” What was interesting was that you weren’t really opposed to being in this position with Spencer. Actually, you kind of really like it. You get to feel his heartbeat and snuggle your head under his chin, which makes Spencer flush this time.

“Spencer,” you whisper, causing him to glance down at you.

“Yeah?” He murmurs back. You feel his heartbeat quicken, affirming what you were hypothesizing.

“Can you hold me?” You ask. He had never heard your voice speak so softly and so… lovingly. He felt special being able to hear you like this, seeing you like this. He always loved the fact that the two of you were such great friends and were able to confide in eachother, but he wanted more now. He wanted to see you like this a little bit more. So, he did as you asked and wrapped his arms around your cold frame, dismissing the cold that transferred into his body from yours. After a few minutes you were starting to feel a lot better but made no effort to leave. Instead, you snuggled into him more and let your hands splay out against his chest. You heard him hum lightly, pressing you further closer to him.

“Y/N.” He whispers this time.

“Yeah?” You respond, looking at him. The two of you make eye-contact and make no effort to break it.

“Can our hot chocolate outing be considered a date?” He asks, his face now mere inches away from yours. You nod instantly and bring your face closer to his.

“Can I kiss you?” You ask, bringing one of your hands to cup his cheek. Spencer doesn’t even wait to nod, he just closes the gap in between you. The kiss was sweet and tender, like gingerbread cookies right out of the oven. Spencer now brings both of his hands to your cheeks and deepens the kiss, making you melt into him. Things were starting to get a little more intense, that is, until the door to the car opens causing snow to blow onto the seats.

“HEY! IT IS FREEZING OUTSIDE AND-” You cut your words off as you see Morgan, JJ, and Prentiss looking at you and Spencer, all with smirks on their faces. You see two faces turn a little more frustrated, digging into their pockets and fishing out twenty dollars each. Emily smirks and takes the bills from JJ and Morgan, earning groans from the two of them.

“Y’all seriously couldn’t pace things?” Stumped, you look at them with your mouth hanging open.

“You bet on us?” Spencer says, his voice raising in volume.” Chuckling, the three of them close the door to the car leaving just you and Spencer, flabbergasted.

“So how about that hot chocolate now?”

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #reader x spencer reid #y/n x spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #Criminal Minds #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds x reader #cm #spencer x you #spencer x reader

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shirophic · 4 years ago

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close nights | mm!naegiri fic

here’s the mastermind!naegiri fic i promised BAAHAHAHA VERY INSPIRED BY SONGS AND THERES A FAMILIAR QUOTE AT THE END IM PRETTY SURE MOST OF YALL HAVE HEARD ngl i feel like it went too quick but honestly idc give me feedback warnings: mentions of death, blood, stabbing, major character deaths

The night was cold, colder than usual.

Kyoko Kirigiri entered the security room, sighing as she sat down in the cool, blue chair. As she scanned her eyes across all the different cameras, quite a few things were on her mind. The 4th trial had ended, with alter ego’s death replaying in the minds of the students. Despair rotted within the students as fear shook them. Alter ego was their only hope, and now they were crushed.

Kirigiri watched as Asahina sobbed in her pillow, Hagakure trying to calm himself down, Togami reading as if nothing happened, Fukawa having a panic attack... Kirigiri bored her eyes into each of the footage from the cameras. Careful trying not to miss anything. Up until she reached a certain CCTV footage caught her eye.

A boy holding up a sign. The boy was Makoto Naegi, Ultimate Lucky Student. Kirigiri knew better than that, she was the Ultimate Detective for a reason. She knew that talent was a deception, after all, what kind of talent is the “Ultimate Lucky Student”?

Kirigiri knew his real ultimate was despair, a sickening depth of darkness, tearing down others.

To put it down to simpler words, It was his specialty.

Kirigiri never really understood the reason for despair. Sure, without despair there is no hope, but what was the real meaning behind it? Her ultimate was the Ultimate Detective, aren’t detectives supposed to be fighting against despair in the name of hope? Oh well, she was pretty much forced into this.

Turning her attention back to the green-eyed boy, she noticed there were words on the sign, with a grinning Naegi as he tried to stand tall enough to show the message.

“What an idiot. How did he become the Ultimate Despair again?”

The sign said “Come meet me in our special spot! Wear something pretty!” with a lopsided smiley face.

Once holding it for about 10 more seconds, he ran with the sign. Kirigiri had no idea what he had stored in that deceptive of a mind, but probably something not good.

- - -

As Kirigiri strode over to their “special place” Naegi was setting up something. Something like a room filled with candles and roses.

Rose petals and rose vines adorned the walls and floors. Candles were set up as yellow light shown in the darkness. Vodka and other drinks were lined up on a table, all set up for the night. Sure, it was cheesy, but something he put too much effort in. About a minute passed until Kirigiri arrived, Naegi staggered to fix his tie and suit, waiting at the entrance. As he looked up to meet with her eyes, he paused in amazement.

Kirigiri was wearing a deep purple dress that went just above her ankles with long gloves. Purple heels allowed her to have a little more height against Naegi. And her hair was up in a ponytail, with a purple bow to match. In all words, she was stunning. Naegi stood there agape as he looked at Kirigiri (respectfully of course.)

“Well? Are you just going to stand there looking like a reincarnation of Kuwata’s hair? Or are you going to explain what this is?” smirked Kirigiri, Naegi could have sworn he saw Kirigiri blush.

“Ah yes of course..” Mumbled Naegi as he looked down. “I.. I wanted us to take some time alone with each other, seeing as we get too caught up with the killing game and making sure none of them finds out about… about us..” spoke Naegi, softly.

Kirigiri’s smirk softened, seeing a side she saw many times, but not like this. Was this a confession? Perhaps a prank? She had known the boy for far too long to just not expect this wasn’t one of his other little pranks.

“Well then… In that case, let us take some time with each other.”

With that, Naegi and Kirigiri spent time talking and letting out their struggles. “It’s hard to keep track of what I've said and what I've not! It’s like I have to create a mental script..”

“You.. don’t have a mental script?” “You do!?”

As the night went on, Naegi played some music.

“Oh.. Isn’t this Lacrimosa?” questioned Kirigiri.

“Yea! Sometimes it calms me down when times are rough for me,” exclaimed Naegi.

Kirigiri didn’t respond as she looked like she was lost in thought.

“You’re thinking about your past again, aren’t you?” whispered Naegi.

Kirigiri turned to glance at Naegi, a stoic but slightly saddened expression on her face, “You.. You don’t need to worry about me. I can handle myself perfectly fine, just some… memories.”

Naegi examined Kirigiri for a while before standing up and lending Kirigiri his hand.

“Hey, I’m no doctor or therapist but, maybe a waltz will get it off your mind,” suggested Naegi.

Kirigiri opened her mouth for a bit, but completely drew a blank. Eventually, she surrendered and took Naegi’s hand.

They danced to Lacrimosa until it came upon an end.

Naegi slightly lifted his head to Kirigiri’s lavender eyes, yet couldn’t make out what was in them, sadness? Regret? Anger? He’ll never know.

Kirigiri had many thoughts as she slowly danced with Naegi, but she held them off for the time being, as they both wanted time together. And she didn’t want her depressing thoughts to ruin it.

Kirigiri and Naegi made eye contact as their thoughts disappeared, only focusing on each other now.

Kirigiri suddenly stopped, being aware of her surroundings and what she was doing - dancing. And with whom she was dancing with. “I.. Don’t you think it’s a bit… well, late for this?” Kirigiri questioned, “I wouldn’t want to be caught, god knows what they’re up to…” Naegi paused and chuckled for a bit. “We’re the ones in charge, aren’t we? Where is their god now?” Kirigiri looked down, not saying anything. “Where is their god now?” typical Naegi…” “if you don’t want to do this right now, why not grab a drink with me?” Kirigiri looked at Naegi with slight amusement, “why the niceties now?” but gave in, as her throat ached with thirst.

Naegi laughed quietly, then led Kirigiri to the food and drinks stand. Naegi grabbed a bottle of vodka and poured

“Hm, don’t you think we’re too young to be drinking?” “We’re 18 now, did you forget? Oh yea, Junko erased your memories as well.”

Kirigiri got lost in thought as she remembered the previous ultimate despair Junko Enoshima was the previous despair. Keyword: previous. Naegi and Enoshima had been partners for quite a while, a feared duo. After “The Tragedy” and after class 78 got converted to a new school for a safe shelter, Enoshima and Naegi were already putting their plan into action. They made sure everything was sealed and “safe” and after about a year, Enoshima forced them into the killing game. Unbeknownst to the other 15 students, Naegi was also in this plan from behind the scenes. And after the first death (Ikusaba), Naegi and Enoshima got into a fight.

- - -

An angry Naegi burst through the doors of the security room, opening to a gleeful-looking Enoshima.

Naegi never had any thoughts on Ikusaba, she was just another pawn in Enoshima’s plan. But she always had to make things complicated for him.

“Enoshima!” Naegi yelled, “How could you just let Ikusaba die like that? Do you know how risky that was.. If they found out-”

“Which they won’t, honestly Naegi you’re too paranoid,” Enoshima said unbothered. “And If they did I’m sure you can just kill them off like a fly.”

Naegi had a dark look on his face, “And what would be the explanation for that? Tell me.”

“I-”

“Oh! Togami just pissed me off! So I killed him in cold blood, upupupupu!”

Enoshima took a stand, an annoyed look displayed on her face.

“Look Naegi, if you’re just going to argue about the past, fuck off, it can’t be changed and you know that.”

Naegi quietly chuckled, which turned into full-on laughter.

“AHA- HAHAHAHA, you think I’m just going to accept giving up like that? Well unbeknownst to you, Enoshima, I have a few cards up my sleeve as well..”

Naegi swiftly threw a card at Enoshima’s face, giving a fresh cut to her cheek. Enoshima looked at Naegi in disbelief, gently touching her face.

“H- How dare you,” Enoshima said, bewildered.

Naegi looked at her in amusement, “Was that not entertaining for you enough, Enoshima?”

Enoshima growled, spitting at Naegi.

“Fuck you,”

“Pay me.”

Naegi quickly moved behind Enoshima, slicing the back of her neck, then putting her up against the wall with a knife under her chin, complimenting her facial features.

“Well now, the shorty finally decided to grow some balls, huh?” Enoshima teased, wincing as the cut behind her neck burned.

“You know damn well I grew some balls ever since I even started our little plan. Have a nice time in hell, Enoshima.” Naegi sneered, looking up at the despair twin.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be saving you a seat.”

Naegi then sliced her neck, pink blood dripping from the knife and onto Naegi’s hand.

Naegi hummed, dropping Enoshima on the floor, disgust filling his senses. “As much as I love bringing people into despair, the stench of blood is disgusting.”

Naegi then washed his hands and ordered monokuma to clean the mess up before heading towards his dorm room, pretending as if nothing happened.

- - -

“Hello? Earth to Kirigiri?” Naegi waved his hand in front of Kirigiri’s face.

Kirigiri was brung back into reality, realization striking her that she was lost in thought.

“O-oh, Naegi. Sorry, I was lost in thought… again.” Kirigiri said rather embarrassingly, glanced at the shot she was holding, and gulped it down.

“It’s okay Kirigiri,” Naegi spoke as he had doubt in his eyes. He then took a shot, shaking his head.

“Hey Kirigiri, I know I invited you here myself but, there’s another place I wanna show you, care to join me?”

Kirigiri pondered for a minute, should she really go with a murderer who killed the ultimate despair only just to become the ultimate despair himself? Kirigiri sighed, he couldn’t kill her because of her secret anyways. Kirigiri remembered how desperate he was to know the secret.

- - -

(beginning of chapter 3)

Naegi whined as he followed Kirigiri around pleading.

“Oh Kirigiri pleaaase!” he begged, “Let me know your secret!”

Kirigiri stopped and looked at Naegi, “why do you want to learn my secret so much?”

Naegi scoffed, “Well obviously because you’ve mentioned it once before and never told me! I thought I was your best friend..”

Kirigiri shook her head and continued to walk towards the physics lab, a click in her steps.

- - -

Oh well, it’s not like she has much of a choice.

Kirigiri sighed and followed Naegi, hoping that it would mean something good.

- - -

Naegi led Kirigiri up to the roof of the school, looking back from tie to time with a smile on his face.

Once on the roof, Naegi invited Kirigiri to sit down. The area was outgrown, plants growing everywhere. Fires all around the building, blazes and flames of fire all around the base of the school, the sun setting with a red aura.

Smoke filling Kirigiri's senses, she coughed. “W-Where are we Naegi?” she said as she looked at Naegi. Naegi’s face was lightened with red, orange, and yellow hues as he grinned down upon the world, eyes sparkling with delight.

“We’re.. We’re at the top of the world,” Naegi smiled.

Kirigiri glanced at Naegi with a confused expression but stoic eyes as she looked Naegi up and down.

“Quit the act, why did you bring me here?” Kirigiri demanded.

Naegi turned around, surprised. “Kirigiri, I just wanted to spend time with yo-”

“Stop, I know you’re lying to me. Spit it out.”

Naegi sighed with an annoyed tone and looked Kirigiri directly in the eye.

“I want to know your secret.”

Kirigiri was disappointed, but not surprised. Naegi was an awfully ambitious person and would go to extraordinary heights to get what he wanted, but Kirigiri was awfully stubborn.

“And exactly why should I tell you? For all I know, you could kill me instantly after.” Kirigiri doubted.

“Well for one, you can get out alive!” Naegi laughed, “But you’re not getting away this easily, Kirigiri.”

Kirigiri carefully examined the options she had; A: make a run for it, B: punch him and run, C: tell him and live. She knew with plans A and B he could easily either send monokuma after her or just kill her himself. And with plan C he could also be lying. So in all, it’s a win-lose situation.

Kirigiri sighed and made up her mind.

“I’m not telling you, whether you kill me or not. And besides, even you don’t know the secrets of this school, you need me.”

Naegi examined her closely again, then swiftly took out knives, throwing them all at Kirigiri. Which she dodged them all, even catching one. She threw the knife aside and stepped forward towards Naegi.

“You know you need me, you can’t do anything without me. Give up.”

Naegi growled, “shut up, shut up, shut up!”

With a few knives cutting Kirigiri’s dress and skin, she fell on the ground, backing away from Naegi.

She winced in pain as she looked up at Naegi, her vision blurring as she tried to make out what to do. Naegi stopped in front of her, playing with the knife in his hands before kneeling down in front of her face, lifting her chin up with the knife.

“You know Kirigiri, you’re an intelligent person with lots of room for improvement. I never wanted to come to this conclusion, but if you’re not going to work with me here, we’re going to have a problem.” threatened Naegi.

Kirigiri glared up at Naegi, keeping full eye contact.

“I’m not giving in, no matter what little tricks you have in store.”

Naegi rolled his eyes in annoyance, then putting his knife hard against her neck, “if you oblige, I’ll make your death quick and painless, if you don’t - well then you’re gonna have a fun time suffering.”

Kirigiri stared at Naegi in silence watching as her blood dripped down from her neck and onto everywhere.

Naegi then grew tired of waiting and sliced Kirigiri’s throat leaving her dead blank face the last expression she’ll ever make again.

He then stood up and started walking towards the exit down back to the school, when he heard something.

“I-Ikusaba… she’s alive, an…” Naegi whipped around, anxious, as he urged Kirigiri to continue. “And… she’s o-out for you..”

Naegi was stunned into silence. Ikusaba.. was alive? And she wanted vengeance? Naegi was very confused about this whole proposition. This was Kirigiri’s secret? Naegi then looked at Kirigiri again waiting for more information. But to no avail, Kirigiri’s eyes rid of the light and grew dead.

Naegi then started pacing around, wondering what to do next. Should he try to find Ikusaba? Should he kill Ikusaba once and for all? Should he-

Naegi was then interrupted by a figure in the shadows. He turned around to look who it is, but he couldn’t make out who it was until they stepped into the light.

“Naegi,” a cool monotone voice spoke, “We meet again.”

The figure then stepped into the light - a face known too well.

Mukuro Ikusaba. The other despair twin. Also known as the ultimate soldier. The last time Naegi and Ikusaba met was when they were putting the plan into action and putting the students in the classrooms. After that they barely interacted.

Naegi knew Ikusaba was dangerous. Her talent gave it away, after all. She knew tons of different strategies, and while Enoshima liked to say that the strategies were hers’ - spoiler alert: they were not.

Turning back to reality, Naegi began thinking of different tactics to well ah, slaughter his close friend.

Ikusaba read Naegi like a book, and took out her dagger - to which Naegi replied to taking his own out as well.

“Impressive, I saw what you did with Kirigiri. You’ve worked on your reflexes.” complimented Ikusaba. “But you’re no match for me.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

“Alright, let’s dance.”

#look i did something! 🕊️ request accepted #🙤 · mod tsumugi #mastermind naegi #mastermind makoto #mastermind kyoko #mastermind kirigiri #mm!naegiri #naegi x kirigiri #naegiri #makoto naegi x kyoko kirigiri #makoto naegi #makoto x kyoko #kyoko kirigiri #dr1 #dr1 kyoko #dr1 makoto #tsumugi-mikan

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missfangirll · 4 years ago

Text

One half of me is yours

Fandom: Guardian Rating: General Relationship: Shen Wei / Zhao Yunlan (Kunlun) Tags: Pining, First Kiss, Ye Olde Haixing Era Words: 1821 Summary: Shen Wei wants. He doesn't know what, exactly, only that it has to do with Kunlun. Lately, everything has to do with Kunlun.

Read on AO3

I actually wanted to write something @tehfanglyfish requested and went to re-read Nudes Sent (to get back into the modern world vibe after reading The Untamed fics for weeks). In this fic there is exactly one (1) sentence about Kunlun and the Olde Haixing Era, but of course that was enough to make my brain go WEEEEEEEE! 😑 Anyway, have some Shen Wei pining for Kunlun 😅 Note that this is set directly before The Scene on the cliff (the one with the name-giving and mask-stealing) 😁

- - - - -

One half of me is yours, the other half yours, Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours, And so all yours. (William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice)

Shen Wei knew he was staring.

He had been careless earlier and for a moment had glanced directly at Kunlun over the campfire they were all sitting at, and now he found himself completely unable to look away.

It was a rare occasion that he had been invited to sit with the soldiers – and even rarer that he had accepted, if their astonished faces had been any indication – but he had seen the general among them and his heart had just shoved his rational mind out of the way and taken control. He had nodded wordlessly and unceremoniously dropped down at the fire.

Now he was wedged uncomfortably close between two of his men, who looked at least equally wary as he felt, and disagreeably far away from Kunlun on the other side of the circle, not able to turn his gaze to something other than the other’s bright smile.

Some weeks ago Kunlun had rolled into their camp and their lives like a landslide, making the first immeasurably more enjoyable, the second definitely more interesting, and had caused Shen Wei’s heart to misbehave anytime he came near.

No one knew where exactly the famed Kunlun had come from, or why he had chosen to follow their cause, but everyone had been utterly grateful for his presence, which soon had proved to be invaluable on countless occasions. He had spoken his mind in war council, had offered smiles and reassurances to the wounded soldiers under his command – he had, in just a few days, managed to charm half the camp by simply being himself, and Shen Wei felt he was no exception.

Curiously, the only thing the general didn't excel at was, for whatever reason, any kind of weapon but his own, and Shen Wei had noticed, first apprehensive, then cautious, and finally with a kind of shy enjoyment, that whenever he went to the training field, alone or to teach a group of recruits, unfailingly, Kunlun would trail behind. He never came close, always stood a few paces away, his eyes sparkling, his lips turned up into a soft smile. Shen Wei had made a few attempts to get him to participate, first by asking politely, later by even offering a sparring match, but hadn't succeeded. Kunlun always kept his distance, while his gaze sometimes turned wistful when he thought Shen Wei wasn't paying attention.

The thing was, though, Shen Wei was always paying attention to Kunlun. If asked, he wouldn't have been able to tell when, or why, for that matter, his fascination for the older man had begun, but now he was fully, truly entangled in the other’s existence. He found himself watching Kunlun more often these days, always hidden behind his mask, drawn to the man’s inexplicable aura like a moth to a blazing flame. And like a moth, Shen Wei often thought, he would burn as soon as he came too close.

He could feel Kunlun’s heat, metaphorically and literally, whenever he sat near the other, could feel his own skin beginning to prickle with a sensation he couldn't quite name, could feel his heart thunder in his chest and his breath catch. He longed for something he didn't have a name for and was scared of the feelings he had so little control over.

He was Hei Pao Shi, the leader, the soldier, the cold and distant general who always wore a mask, always looked at, but never seen, and he wouldn't want, or know how, to change any of it. But with Kunlun close, none of this mattered. With Kunlun close, he could imagine something more, another life, another cause. He pretended not to see the other’s heavy gaze on him over the rim of his bowl when they shared a meal, pretended to be unperturbed by it, but in the stillness of his tent at night, he had no mask to hide behind. He couldn't hide from himself, and every night he lay awake, an aching in his chest, his eyes brimming as he stared into the darkness and wished for… Well, he didn't even know what he wished for, only that it had to do with Kunlun. Lately, everything had to do with Kunlun.

He watched him clean his strange weapon and imagined how those skilled fingers would feel on his skin, how the lips that were turned up in a smile so often would taste on his, how the long hair Kunlun always tried to shove out of his face would feel when he caressed it. He wondered how the other would smell when he dragged his nose along his neck, how his heartbeat would sound if Shen Wei were to lay his head on the other’s chest.

More often than not these thoughts would leave him burning with a yearning for Kunlun he couldn't voice, couldn't show, and when he touched himself in the dark of his tent he wished it was another’s hand.

Shen Wei startled from his thoughts when something lightly touched his shoulder, he was in a defensive stance almost immediately before he recognised what, or rather who, had disturbed him. Kunlun crouched beside him, a small smile on his lips, and when Shen Wei’s senses fully returned, he found that they were the only two left at the fire.

“Lost in thought?”, Kunlun asked gently, if with a slightly teasing tone.

“Hm,” Shen Wei agreed, unsure how to respond, and made to stand up. He felt the other’s warmth dangerously close and as always, it made his heart contract almost painfully.

Kunlun withdrew his hand, looking at him with a complicated expression. “Where are you going?”, he asked, rising as well, furtively moving a bit farther away as if he had sensed Shen Wei’s thoughts.

“I have the next watch,” he replied, “they will be waiting for me on the cliff.” He gestured to the towering rocks above them.

“I’ll join you,” Kunlun said quickly. Shen Wei could only nod.

Silently they made their way up the steep path, Kunlun always two steps behind him, still close enough to hear his breathing whenever he turned to walk around a boulder.

When they arrived at the plateau, the soldier posted there nodded as they passed him and turned around, eager to get back to the camp. Without glancing at the other man, Shen Wei sat in his usual spot to look over the landscape. The moon hung low over the dusty plane, tinged a familiar pale orange, so large it looked close enough to touch. On especially clear nights, he knew, when the dust settled and the clouds vanished, it was even possible to see some stars, the brightest of them piercing the veil the meteor had spread over the earth so long ago.

He heard a soft exhale behind him, then felt Kunlun’s robes brush against his hip as he settled next to him on the rock. He didn't dare to turn, afraid what the other might see in his eyes. He felt his heart beating so loudly that he was certain Kunlun could hear it. Trying to calm himself, he focussed on his breathing.

Shivering slightly with the feeling of having the other so close, he almost jumped when an arm wrapped around his shoulders. When Kunlun whispered, “Are you cold?”, he had no words to respond, could only shake his head frantically. He wanted Kunlun to move away, but also wanted him to press closer, wanted him to wrap his arm tighter around him, wanted him… Wanted. Him.

The flame burning inside him was spreading through his whole body, flaring blindingly bright everywhere they touched. Breathless and with a wildly beating heart, he turned slightly to meet Kunlun’s gaze and almost drew back from the intensity in his eyes.

“I,” he began, but had no words to follow. Words felt inadequate to express what was happening inside him, to describe how his heart was aching with desire, with want, with… With love, he suddenly realised. He had never loved anyone before, aside from his brother, and the stories others told always felt – lacking. But now, oh, now he understood, and was terrified. Love wasn't meant for soldiers, wasn't meant for war. Love was for quiet evenings and hearth fires and flower fields. Not for a battlefield, where every moment could be your last. Love was for others, for another life.

His realisation had left him frozen in Kunlun’s half embrace, and so he startled when he suddenly felt a hand on his cheek. With wide eyes he stared at the other who removed his hand as if he had burned himself.

“Are you alright,” Kunlun began, carefully withdrawing his arm from Shen Wei’s shoulders. “No,” Shen Wei blurted out and Kunlun froze half-way, looking at him questioningly. “I mean,” he inhaled shakily, “I am alright. Just…” He faltered, mouth and throat dry, unable to voice his desires. Kunlun seemed to understand anyway, because he brought his arm back to Shen Wei’s shoulders and smiled softly at him.

They sat in silence for a while, Shen Wei feeling every point of connection between them like a firework, shooting up flares through his body. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply and tried again.

“Kunlun.”

The other hummed softly, but otherwise stayed quiet.

“I… I want…” He trailed off, unsure what to say. He wanted Kunlun to tighten his grip around his shoulders, wanted to bury his face in the crook of the other’s neck, wanted to bite his shoulder and soothe it with his tongue, wanted to breathe in Kunlun’s scent and listen to his breathing. He wanted, wanted, wanted Kunlun with an intensity that scared him, and couldn't say any of it.

When he stayed miserably silent, Kunlun prompted: “What do you want?”

“You,” Shen Wei blurted out. “I want you. I… I don't know… I…” He broke off, looking helplessly at the other, expecting him to recoil, or at least draw back a little. But Kunlun looked at him with so much emotion in his eyes that his breath caught. Without another word, Kunlun leaned in and softly, gently, carefully, pressed his lips to Shen Wei’s.

Shen Wei couldn't quite suppress a low moan and let himself fall into the kiss. He hadn't done anything like this with anyone, but Kunlun carefully guided him, coaxed him into opening his mouth, licked slowly over his bottom lip, let their tongues meet. His hand came up to cup Shen Wei’s face, a thumb stroking feather-light over his cheek bone.

When they parted for breath, Kunlun regarded him for a moment, his hand still resting on his cheek.

“I,” he began, sounding slightly breathless, then swallowed. “I want you too, you know. Just… I couldn't…” He broke off, leaning in to capture Shen Wei’s lips in another hungry kiss.

Shen Wei let his eyes fall close, feeling as if something inside him had just clicked into place.

#guardian #镇魂 guardian #zhèn hún #shen wei #zhao yunlan #weilan #guardian fic #my writing #fluff

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