#You cannot fuck him
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The array I've got here is so fucking wild, I swear to the gods. I get whiplash going from some muses who will smite you if you even look at them wrong -- and then there's other muses that fuck all the goddamn time with varying levels of needing to be invested in someone before they get nasty
And sometimes I have to fill out little sticker charts for when they go thirty minutes without having sex with their partner. 😐
#sorry for being weird last night. it's just because there's a bunch of shit wrong with my brain // mobile.#Muses I thought were v ambivalent towards sex originally: Amis#Muses that are the actual worst example of this bc they fuck like rabbits: Amis#Man's hornier than my cute little 'was originally a succubus' devil#APPARENTLY it's just a matter of him vibing with the right freak#Adopted children be warned: you can NEVER read ANY of the letters he sends to Ashen when they're apart#They might have their sweet moments but I PROMISE you you will regret having eyes when you get to the raunchy bits#Bc those always exist#Legitimately the funniest shit ever to me#Also ironically I think Asmo is my most ace muse#( I would say Methil but I'm not sure how much is cultural repulsion and how much is personal repulsion )#It's ironic bc he's v sex positive and is probably considered the embodiment of lust in some spheres#( pulling from the demon he takes his name from )#But also don't you DARE level any of that nonsense at him#...... Which is an exaggeration actually but??#You cannot fuck him#That's the main takeaway here
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Blitzøs entire life spent being unwanted. So he adapted, and learned how to be something needed, something to be used.
Which is why I think he firmly believes he is being used by Stolas. He simply cannot fathom a different reality, one in which he is wanted for once in his life.
#if you get it you get it#I don’t understand how Blitzo haters don’t get it#he’s complex and he fucks up but it’s because he cannot fathom being genuinely wanted and loved by someone#since he has never felt genuinely loved or wanted#and the few people who maybe made him feel that way#he ruined their lives#I’m writing a fanfic currently with this concept if anyone’s interested lmao#stolitz#helluva boss#stolas#blitzo#hellaverse#helluva blitzo#helluva boss blitz#helluva boss trailer#blitzo x stolas#hazbin hotel#imp#imp helluva boss#blitzo buckzo#protective blitz#protective blitzo
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Mel and Viktor being drawn to each other but repelling each other at the same time... Ughhh you know I critique the fuck out of the writing sometimes but someone COOKED HERE
#arcane#mel medarda#viktor arcane#viktor#melvik#one must see beyond ships and instead witness the glorious narrative foils unfolding before our eyes#meljayvik#somebody pussy queened the fuck out in the writing room I cannot deny it#And you know what people don't talk about their parallels enough in relation to each other and their own characters#the parallels go so far beyond Jayce love my king tho#and that theory about her magic not protecting him against the explosion because his own magic repelled it
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freshman/sophomore year riz gukgak on three hours of sleep & five cups of coffee: vibrating out of his skin, one hand on his gun, talking at 100 words per minute, the poster child of paranoia
junior year riz gukgak on zero hours of sleep, nine cups of coffee, perfect grades, & twelve half-assed extracurriculars: literally whining his way through sentences just trying to piece enough words together to allow one coherent transfer of information while his brain melts out of his ears from stress
#this scene of him in the car with sklonda is killing me#'honey you should tell someone-' (riz covering his face and literally literally WHINING) 'WE CAN'T becauseeee we told someone and#people killeddd herrrr and then i was at the mall and fig tried to eat a shrimp and' (continues like this for ten minutes)#he is making the barest shreds of sense#riz gukgak#dimension 20#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fh#fhjy#i cannot articulate how hard i was laughing watching that scene. i was SNORTING#brian murphy#d20#stuff#fhfy#fhsy#accurate fucking representation of the classic genius burnout#college is going to hit riz like a semi truck
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what if i broke all the bones in your legs actually
#ramble#please let this be a fucking joke#i cannot imagine being this out of touch#YEAH IT'S ALMOST LIKE ART TAKES FUCKING EFFORT AND THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE DO ENJOY IT ACTUALLY#the phrase 'labour of love' exists for a reason#i sat and watched my grad film on repeat for days when it was done bc i was so proud that my hundreds of hours paid off#I DON'T MAKE ART TO SIT AND LOOK AT IT#I MAKE IT BECAUSE I PUT TIME AND LOVE INTO IT AND I GET TO LOOK AT IT AND BE LIKE I MADE THAT WITH MY HANDS!!! AND MY BRAIN#GOD FORBID YOU PUT A SECOND OF WORK INTO ANYTHING IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE ANYMORE YOU USELESS FUCK????#i'm so sorry i'm unreasonably mad about this#is it crazy for me to say that you should have to do some things in your life?????? god forbid you read your own emails#what are you DOING how fucking LAZY can you be????#and that is NOT a word i ever want to use but this is the DEFINITION of lazy#kids with adhd aren't lazy. tech bros wanting the exact same things that people have worked years for at the push of a button are lazy#i actually need to go and put my face in grass i'm so upset#thankfully. basically every musician who saw this shut it the fuck down and told him he was an idiot so that's nice
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i think its so funny when people take the way donnie acts at face value even though its a horrible lie because he's a horrible liar, while understanding leo is bullshitting very well despite him actually being GOOD at bullshitting. many such cases
#personal#rottmnt#although tbf its probably because with leo its unpacked more thoroughly in the movie#donnie is not a morally ambiguous emotionally unavailable bad boy. he is very sensitive actually#he's a little crybaby /aff#and like this isnt hidden. he isnt SECRETLY sensitive or secretly caring its very out in the open actually#he's not hiding it well AT ALL AND THEY ALL KNOW IT LMAOOOOOOOO#i think donnie's perception of himself is somewhat earnest and somewhat. not? he DEFINITELY thinks he's more evil than he actually is#BGHFHDHGJFHG#i think what causes him to lash out and struggle to communicate is his inability to articulate his feelings#they are just too big for him. like its the exact opposite of robotic#he cant force himself to give a fuck but when he DOES its too much#so he yells and lashes out or he shuts down completely#honestly i think the perception of him being too sensitive being a problem makes way more sense than the perception of him being 'robotic'#when it comes to struggles in how his family sees him at least#even in little ways you can see him take it pretty personally when he's insulted#he struggles to blow things off#and i think it would also explain his tendency to like. visibly calm himself down when he gets upset? its a thing he does a lot in the show#he desperately wants to destroy that perception of him because he's trying so hard to close himself off#he doesn't want to be the sensitive one that cant take anything. it especially works in line with his shell#it was a big inspiration for canary continuity tbh. donnie should struggle with being the sensitive one in fic more#mikey is more empathetic and he's more emotional but donnie's quicker to feel offended or take things personally#BACKED UP HEAVILY BY CANON#that 'you can be honest with me! no hard feelings' - 'he's lyinggggggg'#like he's not upset with them babying him as much as he is with them genuinely finding it frustrating that he can fall behind like that#and just cannot take shit like that. so he tries to pull back and not seem as affected as he is#theyre a very cuddly family but mind you they can be actually mean to each other like that!!
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silly little retainerswap au . . . baur was a bodyguard for one of kalim's ancestors; kalim is at NRC specifically so that sebek can go without abandoning his post. the vipers are the traditional retainers for briar valley's royalty and they REALLY disapprove of lilia for book 7 spoilers reasons
#sebek zigvolt#kalim al asim#jamil viper#lilia vanrouge#kalim is a first year in this AU because he didn't enroll until sebek was invited (it still involved bribery obv.)#theyre roommates and it's awful. they had two other roommates at first but the other two requested to move dorm rooms#because sebek kept putting them in headlocks for stepping over the imaginary line demarcating kalim's quarter of the room#jamil is determined to be completely on top of his job because his parents have been complaining about lilia for years#and if this how do you do fellow kids shithead does a better job of being malleus's right hand than him he will fucking wither and die#he has 100% passive aggressively brought up maleanor's death to lilia while malleus was out of earshot. at least twice#he fucking HATES silver. silver can beat him in a fight and he cannot deal with it at all. like he's WAY more steamed about it than sebek#i think in this AU's version of spectral soiree jamil spent the entire time trying to get silver lost for ever in the ghost dimension
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Maybe in another universe, you would have took his hand. Maybe... you could have been happy...
#Hi chat im back once again with the severe brainrot#Dear me these two make me so ill#cookie run kingdom#cookie run#cookie run fanart#shadow milk cookie#shadow milk fanart#pure vanilla cookie#pure vanilla fanart#SHADOW MILK YOU FLYING FUCK WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT ACCEPT PVS OFFER#LET GO OF YOUR PRIDE FOR ONCE#Words cannot express how much I hate him /Vpos#He just wanted someone to be there with him#And when he saw a chance?#Bro refused it#Dude..
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Nikandros is god's strongest soldier. every day he's like King, my dearest and oldest friend, can i please defend your honor. and Damen goes No I'm In Toxic Gay Love
#captive prince#he's like you were a slave??? this is intolerable and I cannot bear it#and damen goes Bear It Anyway#and then he's like you were Whipped??? let me duel foryour honor#and Damen goes No. We have an Alliance now#and then he goes PLEASE consider Laurents ulterior motives when he fucks you#and damen goes Psh. and fucks him without considering ulterior motives#Nikandros is SUFFERING
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there’s something so hopeful about akutagawa no longer being weighed down by dazai’s words and free from his inherent manipulation due to his amnesia….and with this he is able to truly show us the maximum power of his own ability, unrestrained and untainted from dazai’s expectations of him.
previously, aku was only focused on getting stronger because it was dazai who was pushing him, dazai who was experimenting with him to truly bring out the potential he saw.
but now, aku has someone else to protect. he is a “martyr” for justice, as he said when he wielded the sword. bram’s resolve has manifested into a mindset that will truly take advantage of akutagawa’s inherent nature to defend and protect. like he did with his friends in the slums. like he does with his sister.
now we will all truly get to see just how powerful he can be. what his resolve is made of.
#i’m actually so fucking happy for him if you couldn’t already tell#aku character arc my absolute beloved i am SEATED i cannot wait#bsd#bsd 119#akutagawa ryuunosuke
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hold on I'll make this my personality for 3 months
#i cannot get over how phoenix slowly started appreciating apollo throughout aa4#THE END OF AA4 WHERE HE SAYS “THEY'RE IMPORTANT TO ME TOO” TO THALASSA IN CONTEXT OF TRUCY AND APOLLO#I'M CRYING PHOENIX#it took you 2 YEARS to tell him that Yes you believe in him#at least it actually helped apollo here but you really should use your time wisely lmao#(why haven't you told Them they're siblings yet. apollo is out of the fucking country now what have you DONE)#ace attorney#phoenix wright#apollo justice#gattocatto's silly posts#gattocatto's ramblies
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So like, y'all know that popular Star Wars fic trope of Time Traveling Obi-Wan Kenobi where he dies and then wakes up in his 11ish year old body back in the Jedi Temple? You know how usually he wakes up, has a few minutes/hours of confusion, and then goes about trying to act like he was at age 11 while slowly fixing everything wrong with the Jedi Order? Personally I think he would not do that.
I think that Ben "Lived As A Wizard Hermit For Two Decades On Tattooine, Left, And Then Died Immediately" Kenobi would wake up as an eleven-year-old, have a panic attack, attack the nearest adult Jedi while accusing them of Doing Weird Sith Shit To His Brain, fucking flee, only then realize he has time traveled, steal someone's ship, go flying out of the temple to god knows where, continue panicking, crash into a random moon while distracted, nearly die, build a survival camp out of his broken ass ship and eat whatever bugs he can find, get kidnapped by pirates, overthrow said pirates, steal their ship, and then very calmly return to the Jedi temple like nothing happened.
Then and only then do I think he would start trying to act like a normal human person (while also dodging questions such as "what the fuck was that" and "where were you" and "is that a pirate's ship?"), except he'd be bad at it due to having lived as an Insane Wizard Desert Hermit for the past twenty years who has experienced enough trauma and time that he doesn't super well remember the details of his childhood, what with all of the wars and death and wars and such.
His acting convinces nobody, but nobody is sure what exactly to do about All Of That so he's for the most part left alone (after very vehemently refusing sptherapy), all the way up until he catches a glimpse of palpatine out of the corner of his eye and then its On Sight
#mads posts#star wars#obi-wan kenobi#specifically i see fics where he gets blasted back to the past and he genuinely acts like he's 11 or whatever age again#and im like NO thats some fuckin weirdo inhabiting the body of an eleven year old#thats a fiftyish year old dude who looks eighty and thinks the best way to train Newly Discovered Force-Sensitive Luke is to blindfold and#shoot at him#he spent twenty years fucking around in a desert and left the planet one (1) time to go rescue leia#he cannot in any way act like a normal child are you kidding me#he was only ever 'normal' during the clone wars because he was standing next to Anakin 'hey watch this' skywalker#actually i think if obi wan were to try to act like a normal kid of the age he appears he would either wildly over or undershoot#he'd be like. huge eyes and babytalk and innocent expressions OR he'd forget he doesn't alr know the nuances of the Alderaanian government#but he couldnt pull off 'totally normal guy dont mind me'#obi wan doesnt manage to oneshot palpatine btw. that would be too boring#he steals the nearest available lightsaber and Goes For It and obv is stopped due to being shaped like a baby and having the strength of on#and then again refuses to answer any questions
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On the subject of our future plans there was something I wanted to discuss with you.
#help i love him your honour#why does he have to be so fucking cute#you cannot honestly expect me to be normal about this man#i'm gonna pinch his cheeks and squish him#gale#gale of waterdeep#gale dekarios#baldur's gate 3#bg3#bg3edit#gamingedit#mine:bg3#mine:gifs#baldur's gate
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here we go :) part one of three, updates to be released weekly!
---
sam says 4 (game master cinematic universe, part 3)
Ruby was at her mum's for a family dinner she couldn't miss on pain of death, apparently, and the Doctor was many things, but a family dinner kind of guy wasn't one of them—particularly when Carla had already slapped him once in the short time he'd known her. He thought he'd broken his streak of bad luck with mums, but… well, seemingly not. So he was companionless for a few hours, and while he could wait for her to get back, maybe catch up on his reading—what was the point of waiting when you had a time machine?
He ran his hands over the TARDIS console, marvelling at her clean lines and metallic flourishes, the way that even now she felt brand new but familiar, and paused. He’d just pop off for a quick adventure, nothing too dangerous, but—where to go?
He could scan for a distress call nearby, and pitch in to help. He could drop in on Donna and Shaun and Rose, beautiful Rose, and see how they were all doing. Or he could just hit the randomiser button, and jump in feet first wherever he ended up.
He remembered a conversation from a long time ago, when he wore a different face, and his gorgeous TARDIS wore a face too, for the first and only time.
“You didn't always take me where I wanted to go.”
“No, but I always took you where you needed to go.”
He grinned. Who could resist an offer like that? He pressed the button and whooped as the time rotor spun into action, ready to see where the universe would take him.
---
Apparently, he was needed pretty close to where he already was. Earth, 2024. Huh. Same planet, same time—within a few months of where he’d left Ruby, even. The main thing that had changed was the location: he was now in the good old US of A. California, to be more specific, and Los Angeles to be more specific still. And to really narrow it down, the Doctor discovered as he poked his head out of the TARDIS doors, he was in… a broom closet. Not bad, as a parking spot—a bit squeezy, but out of the way. And as he poked his head out of that door, he could finally see he was in the backstage corridors of a studio of some kind. Film or TV, if he was to hazard a guess, it was a different vibe from Abbey Road.
With a shrug, he decided to go exploring.
It couldn’t have been more than a minute before a young woman wearing the full-black outfit, headset, and permanently stressed expression of a production assistant came running up to him.
“Are you the fill-in Sam organised?” she asked breathlessly, and honestly, seeing the look on her face, the Doctor didn’t have the heart(s) to tell her no. And really, what was the Doctor, if not a professional fill-in? This, this was why he had a randomiser button on the control panel, because whatever he was about to get himself into was going to be fun.
“Sure!”
“Oh, thank god,” sighed the production assistant, relief dawning across her face. “When Ally tested positive this morning, I thought we were sunk for the record, because we called around and we couldn’t get a hold of anyone. But then Sam said he could get someone in, and, you know, here you are, and just in time, so—ah, yeah, if you could follow me this way?”
Smiling all the way, the Doctor followed his guide through to hair and makeup, looking around as they went. The studio seemed to belong to a company called Dropout, according to the branding scattered around, and things seemed, at least on the surface, to be… well. Fine. He couldn't tell why he'd been brought here yet, which meant that when he found the reason, it was going to be particularly tangled. He couldn't wait!
And then he looked back at his guide, still engulfed in a miasma of anxiety, and realised he'd been too busy looking for clues to notice the person right in front of him.
“Hey, it's cool, you've found me,” he started with a gentle smile. “You can relax. Hi, I'm the Doctor. What's your name?”
“Oh!” she said, startled. “The Doctor, yeah, of course. Um, hi, I'm Kaylin. Look, sorry, it's just that I've been so busy this morning, I'm so distracted… Shit, and I would've completely forgotten to get your details too. There's paperwork to fill in, but you can do that later. Um, just for now, though, can I get your pronouns?”
The Doctor thought for a moment. “He/him, for now.”
Kaylin nodded, making a note on her phone. “Okay, cool! And do you have any socials?”
“Not me, babes,” he replied. “I'm hardly sitting down long enough to be able to update, you know?”
“On a day like this, I know exactly what you mean,” she said. “That's okay, Lou didn't have socials either for the longest time. Right, so if you go through there, the team will get you sorted, and once you're done, someone will take you up to the greenroom. All good?”
“All great,” the Doctor replied. Kaylin flashed him a quick, relieved smile, then hurried off.
Hair and makeup was a fairly quick process, the sound mixer fitted him with a microphone, and before too long, Kaylin was back to take him upstairs.
“This is the greenroom,” she said, pushing the door open. “The rest of the cast for the episode are already here—they’re great guys, and they’ve both been on the show a lot, so they’ll be able to help if you’ve got questions. And if you need anything else, just come find me or any of the other PAs, okay?”
The Doctor nodded, beamed at Kaylin, and walked in.
---
The greenroom was small but comfortable, and its occupants, two men around the same age as the Doctor appeared, looked up as he entered.
“Oh, you’re new,” the taller of the pair said, clearly giving him the once-over.
The other sighed with a mixture of fondness and exasperation, just as clearly used to his friend’s antics.
“Hey, I’m Brennan,” he said, levering himself up to standing from his perch on a chair arm, and holding out a hand. “That’s Grant.”
The Doctor took it warmly. “The Doctor. Just passing through, and happy to help.”
Grant’s eyebrows quirked. “Doctor… something?” he prompted.
“Or is it just ‘the Doctor’?” Brennan asked.
“Just ‘the Doctor’,” the Time Lord confirmed cheerfully. “You’ll get used to it, everyone does.”
Grant didn’t look convinced, but—
“Copy that,” Brennan shrugged, and settled back on the arm of the chair, returning his gaze to the door.
Grant, in turn, looked at the Doctor and rolled his eyes in a clear expression of ‘no, I don’t know why he’s like this, either’.
“Okay,” the Doctor said after a moment of watching the watching. “I wasn’t going to ask, but now I think I have to. What’s up with the door?”
Brennan huffed a laugh. “Well, the last time there was one of those up—” he pointed to the Out of Order sign stuck to the bathroom door, “—we got locked in here for the game.”
“He’s paranoid,” Grant interjected.
“Well, yeah, maybe,” Brennan retorted. “Or just cautious. Because Sam’s been acting weird lately, and we’re coming up to the last few records of the season, so he’s probably planning something way out of the box for the finale. And the original cast was you, me and Beardsley, so…”
He shrugged one shoulder meaningfully, and Grant nodded, conceding both the point and the potential for chaos.
“So if Sam comes in to give us the briefing, rather than waiting til we’re on set,” Brennan continued, “or there’s anything else weird going on, I’m gonna know about it right from the beginning.”
He turned to the Doctor. “The only reason I'm not quizzing you is because I know for a fact Beardsley was genuinely scheduled for this, so you can't be a plant by the production team. No offence.”
“None taken,” the Doctor smiled. “That sort of thing happen often, does it?”
Grant and Brennan exchanged a look.
“More than you'd think,” Grant answered with a grimace.
“Alright,” the Doctor said slowly, then brightened. “So what is it we're actually doing?”
Grant gave him a disbelieving glance. “You don't know—?”
“Very last minute fill-in,” the Doctor said breezily. “But don't worry, I'm a quick study.”
“Well, you're not that much worse off than the rest of us,” Brennan said encouragingly. “You know about Game Changer, obviously, if you know Sam, and we only find out the rules of the game once we get on set. Hopefully,” he added, with a dark look back at the Out of Order sign.
The Doctor nodded. No, he didn't know Sam, and he didn't know Game Changer, but he could work out the situation from context clues. This was a game show. And with the Toymaker banished, and Satellite Five not coming into existence for another 198000 years, give or take, he found himself smiling. Maybe third time would be the charm.
“Mmm, hopefully they aren't going to throw you in the deep end,” Grant said. “Because Brennan might seem lovely now, but as soon as we get out there, he's a whore for points. He'll stab you in the back and won't even blink.”
Brennan barked with laughter. “Yeah, and you wouldn't?”
“Excuse you, I'm always a goddamn delight,” Grant replied, the very picture of injured dignity.
“Oh, absolutely!” agreed a new voice. The Doctor turned to the now-open door to see a bearded man in a pinstriped suit smiling broadly. “That's why we keep inviting you back!”
Grant bowed sarcastically. “Why, thank you, Sam. Good to know I'm appreciated by someone here.”
“Always,” Sam replied, gently but firmly ending that particular path of the conversation. He scanned the room, and his eyes lit up when they landed on the Doctor.
“Ah, you must be the Doctor!” he said with obvious delight, walking over with his hand outstretched. “I'm Sam—thanks for filling in for us, you've made sure we're going to have a good show. Seriously, it's a pleasure to have you here.”
“Aw, cheers!” the Doctor smiled, shaking the offered hand. “Glad I could help out, I'm really looking forward to this!”
“Well, great!” Sam exclaimed, then took a step back, regarding all three players in turn. “Now, folks, I'm just letting you know that we're just about ready to start the record, so if you can start heading down, that'd be great.”
Grant and Brennan nodded—Brennan, the Doctor noticed, with relief.
“See you down there,” Sam said, smiling. “Have a great show, and—”
His eyes caught on the Doctor's for a second, twinkling.
“Good luck.”
---
Backstage, the Doctor, Brennan and Grant were marshalled into podium order and given a final briefing from the crew. And then, with a thumbs-up from Kaylin, that was it.
Showtime.
“Get ready for a Game Changer!” came Sam's voice from onstage. “Tonight’s guests: he can shoot off a monologue with laser accuracy; it’s Brennan Lee Mulligan!”
Brennan, his back to the camera as the curtains opened, spun on his heel and, with a stone-cold expression, pointed finger guns straight down the barrel, before letting the facade crack open. “Hi!” he exclaimed, and walked over to the leftmost podium.
“It’s his first appearance, but he’s already on fire; it’s the Doctor!”
The Doctor leant against the archway to the stage and flashed a broad smile towards the camera, then in a few skipping steps, had bounded over to the next free podium. What the hell, why not make an entrance?
“And even in the toughest of mazes, you’ll always be able to find him; it’s Grant O’Brien!”
Grant dipped his lanky frame into an approximation of a curtsey, spreading his arms wide, then sauntered over to the closest podium with a grin.
“And your host, me!” Sam announced, a ring of manic white showing around his irises as he beamed down the barrel of the camera. “I’ve been here the whole time!”
“This,” he continued, pushing his microphone shut and stowing it in his jacket pocket, “is Game Changer, the only game show where the game changes every show. I am your host, Sam Reich!”
As he said his name, he looked at his hands, front and back, as if he was pleasantly surprised to be himself, then gestured towards the three podiums.
“I am joined today by these three lovely contestants! Now, you understand how the game works.”
“Of course not,” Grant started. “You know we don't.”
“We can't, Sam, that's the whole point of the theatre you've set up here,” Brennan said over him.
“Not yet,” was all the Doctor said, anticipation starting to drum a tattoo of excitement against the inside of his ribcage.
“That’s right!” Sam said brightly, shooting finger guns at the camera. “Our players have no idea what game it is they’re about to play. The only way to learn is by playing. The only way to win is by learning, and the only way to begin is by beginning! So without further ado, let’s begin by giving each of our players fifty points.”
The Doctor, biding his time, watched the reactions of his fellow contestants. Grant looked at the front of his podium, checking the point total, and nodding approvingly when he saw that yes, it was sitting at a round fifty. Brennan, on the other hand, was starting to frown.
“Players, Sam says: touch your nose,” Sam began, and Brennan sighed the sigh of someone who wasn’t happy to be proved right.
“Oh, no,” he groaned. “Oh, you son of a bitch. Wasn’t one this season enough?”
He touched his nose anyway, as did the others, and Sam smiled encouragingly. “Sam says: touch your ear.”
When they all did, Sam nodded. “Touch your other ear.”
Everybody held still, fingers on the ears they had originally touched.
Sam beamed. “Easy, players, right?”
“You say that now,” Brennan said darkly. “Which makes it worse, because all you're doing is setting us up for failure.”
Sam gasped, pretending offence. “Would I do that?”
“Yes,” Brennan and Grant replied in unison, which drew a grin from the Doctor and set Sam off chuckling.
“And I'm not having it,” Brennan continued, leaning his elbows against his podium and pointing at Sam with the hand not touching his ear. “You better watch yourself, because I know how this game works, and you're not going to get one over on me.”
“Strong words, Brennan!” Sam said, clearly delighted by this response. “Okay, then, let's start making things a bit more interesting!”
The game continued as per Sam Says usual, some rounds done as a group and some individual. Points were won, sure, but lost slightly more frequently, and even the Doctor found he was having to concentrate to avoid getting caught in the host's traps.
It was fun. Genuinely, it was like playing a game with friends, and the Doctor felt himself leaning into it. There wasn't any sign of danger—maybe there wasn't a mystery to solve at all, and the TARDIS just decided he needed a total break.
Well, probably not. But the way things were going, he was able to let himself hope.
“Alright, players,” Sam said a good few rounds in, just as pleasantly as he would start any other question, and the screen behind him dinged as a new prompt popped up. “Survive the death beam.”
For a second, everything was frozen perfectly still.
And then came the crash, the explosive noise of heavy machinery moving relentlessly through a drywall set.
The Doctor was already moving. “Everyone down!”
“Duck!” Brennan yelled at the same time.
The two of them hit the ground within milliseconds of each other, but Grant was still paralysed in the face of the giant, science-fiction type laser cannon that had just ploughed through the wall.
It whined ominously, screaming its way to fever pitch. And then a sharp pain in Grant’s ankle made him stagger, pitching forwards onto the carpet behind the podiums as the Doctor rolled away to avoid getting pinned.
“Sorry, babes,” the Doctor whispered. “But it was either kick you to get you down, or—”
A hideous metallic screech ripped through the air, and all three of them could feel the crackle of ozone as a beam of energy swept across what had, moments ago, been neck height.
“…Or that,” the Doctor finished with a grimace.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Grant breathed, suddenly very conscious of every inch of his 6’9 frame. “Thanks.”
“Well done, players!” Sam exclaimed delightedly from above them. “But… sorry, I didn’t say ‘Sam says’, so that’s a point off for everyone.”
“What the fuck!” Brennan snapped.
“Are you actually insane?” Grant demanded at the same time, his voice overlapping with Brennan’s.
In response, Sam just wheezed with laughter. “You can come back to your podiums,” he said, cheerfully ignoring them.
Nobody moved.
“Very good!” he acknowledged, and even without seeing his face, the grin was obvious in his voice. “Okay, Sam says: come back to your podiums.”
Although the words were innocuous, and his tone was just as light and breezy as usual, there was nevertheless an edge hiding just underneath the surface. And while the death beam loomed large in the minds of all three players, it was impossible to consider disobedience as an option.
Slowly, they stood, returning to their places. Now they had the time to look at it properly, the death beam was even more sinister, and Brennan and Grant both kept flicking nervous glances its way, ready to move if it looked like it was charging up again.
The Doctor, however, was focused purely on the man standing in front of them. Unbothered, Sam met his gaze like a challenge, a mischievous smile playing about his lips.
“Oh, you’ll love this one,” he said, and the screen changed. “Sam says, starting with Grant: say my name.”
Grant frowned in confusion, but answered quickly nonetheless. “Sam Reich?”
The man himself shrugged tolerantly, moving on. “Brennan?”
Brennan just stared at him coolly. “Do you take me for a fool?”
“Well caught, Brennan!” Sam said happily. “Sam says: say my name.”
“Sam,” Brennan replied, suspicion clear in his voice. “Samuel Dalton Reich.”
He nodded, still with a hint of indifference. “And lastly, Doctor.” His smile broadened. “Sam says: say my name.”
It was easy. Too easy. And as the Doctor looked into the eyes of the man calling himself Sam Reich, he felt his hearts stutter in recognition, because something had changed. He wasn’t hiding himself anymore, and while the face was different yet again, the Doctor would know the shape of that soul anywhere. It was impossible. It was inevitable.
“You can’t be,” he breathed.
Sam smirked, leaning in across his podium. “Oh, but Doctor… I’ve been here the whole time,” he stage-whispered with a wink.
“He said you lost,” the Doctor said, shaking his head, looking wrong-footed for the first time that Brennan and Grant could recall. “You lost, and he trapped you.”
The other two watched, uncomprehending, but Sam just smiled, drumming his fingers against the podium with an audible beat, fast but distinct. Four taps, four taps, four taps. “I’m waiting.”
The Doctor took a slow, deep breath. Set his jaw.
“Master.”
---
missed an installment of the game master cinematic universe?
original idea by @ace-whovian-neuroscientist: x
art by @northernfireart concept: x scissor sisters sketch: x sam and his doppelganger: x
writing by me (!) part one (escape the greenroom): x part two (deja vu): x part three (sam says 4): you are here!
#game master#sam reich!master#doctor who#dw#dropout#game changer#you know what let's chuck some character tags in here#15th doctor#the master#sam reich#brennan lee mulligan#grant o'brien#kaylin mahoney#clari speaks#clari writes#ah darlings i'm putting my chat down here rather than in the post body for once#so i've thought of this whole saga as 'part three' but i will be a) titling them all and b) just keeping on numbering the parts sequentiall#rather than 'part three part one' etc#otherwise we're getting into homestuck act titling territory and that is ground i do not wish to tread#also fuck i hope i've got the time zones right#i'm planning to post this when an episode of game changer would ordinarily be released. to plug the gap. to tide us over.#(the finale trailer is so delightfully unhinged and i cannot wait til next week)#anyway gang this one was wild#the slight but significant genre shift from 'game changer with doctor who elements' to 'doctor who with game changer elements'#it was fun to write! and hopefully fun to read :)#also i MUST say that eugene northernfireart has a baller comic in the works that this entire thing is based on#this is thousands of words of setup and continuation because the sketch idea was so good it possessed me#and we decided that it had to be a proper dw episode#(hey rtd hire me pls)#anyway eugene is on hiatus bc of life so in the meantime go give him love and be Fuckin Hyped for the comic when it appears bc i know i am
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there is something about pathetic men that enchants and beguiles me
#vu talks shit#vu's talkin a lotta shit today#listen#listen to me#hear me out#there's this wizard#i CANNOT shut the FUCK UP ABOUT#finally stop thinking about him and youtube goes “btw here's something you may have missed about him” and now#NOW IM BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN
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no lube, no protection, all night, all day, from the dining table to the bedroom, from the bathroom sink to the shower, from the front porch to the balcony, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggy, backwards, forwards, sideways, upside down, on the floor, in the bed, on the couch, on a chair, being carried against the wall, outside, in a train, on a plane, in the car, on a motorcycle, the bed of a truck, on a trampoline, in a bounce house, in the pool, bent over, in the basement, against the window, having the most toe-curling, back-arching, leg-shaking, dick-throbbing, fist-clenching, ear-ringing, mouth-drooling, ass-clenching, nose-sniffling, eye-watering, eye-rolling, hip-thrusting, earthquaking, sheet-gripping, knuckles-cracking, jaw-dropping, hair-pulling, teeth-jittering, mind-boggling, soul-snatching, overstimulating, vile, sloppy, moan-inducing, heart-wrenching, spine-tingling, back-breaking, atrocious, gushy, creamy, beastly, lip-biting, gravity-defying, nail-biting, sweaty, feet-kicking, mind-blowing, body-shivering, orgasmic, bone-breaking, world-ending, black hole-creating, universe-destroying, devious, scrumptious, amazing, delightful, delectable, unbelievable, body-numbing, bark-worthy, can’t-walk, head-nodding, soul-evaporating, volcano-erupting, sweat-rolling, voice-cracking, trembling, sheets-soaked, hair-drenched, flabbergasting, lip-locking, skin-peeling, eyelash-removing, eye-widening, pussy-popping, nail-scratching, back-cutting, spectacular, brain-cell-dissolving, hair-ripping, show-stopping, magnificent, unique, extraordinary, splendid, phenomenal, mouth-foaming, heavenly, awakening. i would give this man the sloppiest, wettest, creamiest, soul-taking, slimy, life-changing, death-dropping, heaven-sent, flabbergasting, hypnotizing, ungodly, astonishing, leg-trembling, back-arched, hands-desperately-grabbing-the-sheets, legs-stretching-out-again-and-again, toe-curling, voice-breaking, whimper-causing, waist-slowly-moving-up-and-down, small heavy breath “I can’t take much more of this,” breaths getting quicker, twitching, throbbing, eyes shut, lip-biting, edging, begging for relief, warm hot rush bubbling up, spit upon the tongue twisting ground tip-talking against the mouth, sideways spit from the end, and lick from the bottom to the top, then spit and lick to the bottom, deep-throating, thrusting slower then faster, faster, FASTER, twisting mouth around each side, THEN I’d let him pound me so FUCKING HARD UNTIL HE IMPREGNATES ME WITH HIS BABIES. YOU, sir, can OBLITERATE me. He could put a nuclear bomb inside me and I’d still ride.
#i saw this gif this morning at 7:24 AM#it is now 9:18 PM and i cannot stop thinking about it#like i so so BADLY need to fuck him it’s not even funny#he gives ‘no matter how casual the sex is he will fuck you like he loves you’#and i both do and do not need it (but i WANT it)#like nicholas please fuck me i fuck back 😭😭😭#and i’m a creamer oh my god like i need him so bad it’s not even funny#lavender baby#nicholas chavez#nicholas alexander chavez
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