#Will i continue to draw the same characters over and over again because they bring me joy (Mammon)? ya.

[strawberrycartt]

Thank you for the support 🐏

[dunmeshistash]

Why did Milsiril help with Mithrun's recovery?

Since people seemed to be interested in the post I made about why she adopted Kabru I wanted to write my thoughts about her helping Mithrun too.

I think with Mithrun it gets a little trickier tho, both because Mithrun himself doesn't speak much about his past and because most of it we get from a third party account. I'll also try to discuss based on what I see people say about their relationship although is probably gonna be shorter than Kabru's (came back to say it's not shorter), tw for self-harm because of Mithrun recovery drawings.

1 - So Mithrun could become a canary again

This is the theory I see the most often, probably it's whats on the main story, as far as I'm remembering there's no other mentions of Milsiril related to Mithrun besides the role she plays in sparing his life.

That story isn't reliable tho, Mithrun constantly points out that Kabru is glossing over details and Kabru himself is depicted as cooking (as the kids say) a good story that resonates with an audience.

So we can't really trust that this framing is objectively true

But even so taking just what happened, without the context Kabru added, what she did was spare his life once she realized he still had a hint of desire to exist within him.

Kabru lies (or rather embelishes a lot) when he says "and from that point onward, Mithrun lived only to slay demons. He ate even he had no desire to eat. He lived on even though he had no desire to live." he was useless for 20 years after this so 'saving him cause he will be useful later' isn't really too accurate. Milsiril also wasn't involved with his rehab until Utaya 18~19 years later so it definitely wasn't for this that she helped.

2 - So Mithrun could avenge Utaya by defeating the demon (She winded him up and set him on a path, you know, like a doll)

I think this one is kinda mean, I've seen people speak as if she only helped him after Utaya because she wanted to use him to defeat the demon. But there's no evidence Milsiril even cares about the demon or that she wants vengeance. My girl literally ran away and decided to look away instead of continuing to fight (and I can't blame her)

This, as far as I understand, is based both on the above section and on this part from her adventurer's bible extra

She shows up to visit him and brings up the demon, and then sets him up to go after it, but once again I think it relies on an unkind interpretation of her character; you gotta assume she has unseen ulterior motives already before the comic even starts, since this whole comic is talking about how she completely misinterpreted who Mithrun was when they were in the same squad, and how she feels he's actually someone she would get along with. If you know Milsiril, you know she only gets along with other misfits, she's acknowledging Mithrun as someone who was broken like her even before his desires were eaten.

This is the complete comic

"I always hated you. You were beautiful and perfect, and everybody loved you. You didn't seem to have a single worry or flaw.

But when I saw the dungeon you'd built, I was startled. It was such a warped, convoluted place built from inferiority, jealousy, lies and anger.

I wish I'd tried really talking to you. We might have hit off pretty well. Too late now, I guess"

She acknowledges him as a human being, when before she only saw him as the embodiment of the people that bullied her. And right after that she talks about the demon. There's no indication for a wish of vengeance anywhere in this comic, I'd even say the demon and the dungeons are barely important to what Milsiril is thinking, there's only belated compassion.

3 - Cause he was a new "project"

Related to the reasons pointed out in my Kabru post, people assume Milsiril is the type of person that wants/needs to feel superior to someone, or to put on an altruistic front or what have you. And that interpretation also leaks into how they see her helping Mithrun. I said the main reasons why I don't think she's that type of person on the other post so I wont repeat. But I don't think Mithrun is a "project" at all.

This was right after she fought on Utaya, I imagine a little after or a little before she took in Kabru, so she "had a project" already if you're gonna go with that wording. She was also finally free from the canaries and she had no obligation towards Mithrun. She also only went back to him decades after she spared his life, my assumption is that she did it because she finally could. She couldn't have guessed when she spared his life that 19 years later she would be free from the canaries and that Mithrun still wouldn't have been recovered and would have been needing her.

4 - And finally, why did she spare his life? Why did she help him recover?

This one isn't as straight foward as Kabru's adoption to me. I imagine the fact he had the potential to still be useful could be one of the reasons she spared Mithrun at first, but I also think that he newfound empathy she developed for him when she saw his dungeon might have been part of it, that seeing he still had some sort of drive and desire made her have hope he could still live.

Milsiril really seems like the type of person that likes to nurture, while I wouldn't say this makes her a "softie" and not able to execute him (I'm sure she could do a mercy kill) I think that soft side made her want to give him a chance. There's no proof for any of that ofc, and Kui confirmed in a QnA Mithrun wasn't arrested or executed because they were desperate for people to be in the canaries. (The choice probably wasn't only on her)

Now why she helped him? I think it's because she saw he could be helped.

She says herself she's only visiting, probably to check on him

"They said you've fully recovered but you might as well be a corpse." so by this point I think his body has recovered and he has managed to stabilize? But as this extra from the daydream hour shows he needed 24/7 care to stay alive in those first 18 years

Like she said he might as well be a corpse, he'd be in bed all day and have servants keeping him from dying, he would have fits where he would harm himself, he had no way to go on. It even says that even things that could remind him of his time as dungeon lord weren't allowed so he was probably being kept away from demon mentions (after all I doubt servants even knew about a demon)

But then when she mentions the demon he immediately gets up

She's surprised so I don't think she expected that, and she goes and uses that reaction to help him "Then first eat this. If you finish it all I'll take you to a dungeon again"

Rather than using him to fight the demon I think she's using the demon to help him live. Here's what his bio says

"After Mithrun was recused from the dungeon, he spent a while on the verge of death. However, with time and rehabilitation he gradually became able to lead a normal life again. The Utaya incident was the event that roused him. He thought, 'If I'd been there, I know I could have dealt with the demon somehow' and he resolved to return to active duty. (...)"

So it worked, Milsiril might have been there to help with his rehab but it was the Utaya situation that finally was able to motivate him to find a way to live and rejoin the canaries, so I think rather than setting him up to kill she realized it could be used to help him.

Which isn't a perfect solution, as you might know by the ending, his fate was to die either way: either he would die trying to kill the demon or he would defeat it and die because he had nothing else to live for.

But it was what Milsiril could do for him at that moment and it was how she managed to help him go forwards.

And that's my thoughts about Milsiril and Mithrun, I don't think they as big in each other's lives in canon as some people assume, there's barely a mention of Milsiril on his profile and she's barely named in his backstory. But they were both people that left a mark on each other's existence if only for a short time.

But I don't think Milsiril was just doing charity when helping Mithrun either, I imagine she did it because she saw herself in past Mithrun, and wanted to help him because of it.

Also side note, this extra:

That's past Mithrun saying she has ulterior motives, he isn't reliable and thinks badly of everyone. So ofc he thinks gloomy Milsiril is suspicious for helping, him doesn't mean it's true

Disclaimer again I'm a Milsiril stan so I'm very charitable in my interpretations of her, but hopefully you can see there's no indication she is someone who would use a sick person for revenge with the sources I've attached.

[pyeonghongrie]

Anything You Could Do, I Could Do Better!

Summary: You and your academic rival do what academic rivals do, trying to one-up each other in grades. But the thing is, both of you are teachers.

Characters/Pairing(s): Hongjoong X Reader

Genre: humor

AUs/Trope info: Reverse Academic Rivals,

Word Count: 500+

Warnings: none??????

Rating: 16+

A/N: for @cultofdionysusnet's reverse trope event! Thank you to @kwanisms for helping with this!!!

It’s a new school year, which means, it's a new opportunity to crush your rival, Kim Hongjoong, in a battle of wits. 

You see, that would’ve been much more appropriate if both of you weren’t high school teachers. And if you both weren’t vicariously continuing this feud through which class could get a higher grade point average.

"My God, Hongjoong! You’re delusional if you think your class is going to get the higher GPA this quarter! It’s impossible,” you yell at him from across the faculty parking lot, your anger reaching a boiling point after he provoked you with yet another bet for this school year. “You suck at teaching and everyone knows it!”

“Oh, get over yourself,” he yells back, slamming the door of his car shut. “You’re just salty that my students love my class while they drone over your miserable little classroom that feels more like a prison cell,” he continues, power-walking in your direction. “You won’t even let them bring snacks, you Karen!”

“Oh, please!” you retort, rolling your eyes. “The only reason they like you is because you let them slack off! And Besides,” you continue, narrowing your eyes as he draws closer. “My classroom has these fuck ass linoleum floors that basically adheres food crumbs to it. I don’t want my room to have rats, especially if they look like you.”

He gasps, dramatically so, one hand over his gaped mouth and the other over his chest. “This has to constitute a hate crime, this is rodent discrimination. Everyone knows I’m a squirrel.”

You roll your eyes, “Save the ‘woe is me’ cries for someone who cares, Kim. I’ll see you after this quarter when my class destroys yours!”

Hongjoong’s class was, in fact, not destroyed by yours.

The final results came in and in fact, both your classes had the same GPA down to the decimal point.

Of course, from that confrontation, the both of you stormed over to the guidance counselor, demanding a recount, or at least a reason for this “impossible” tie.

“This is ridiculous!” You said, slapping the flimsy piece of paper over her desk, “There is no way that this guy’s class got the same GPA as mine!”

Hongjoong scoffs, “You act like we weren’t in the same education classes in college. You’re no better off than I am.”

“Well,” The counselor started, “Both of you were being really annoying about this feud, it was funny at first, but both of you need to get over this. You’re adults, not only that, you’re responsible for the education of the future professionals of this country. I’d expect both of you to prioritize the students’ education over this silly competition.”

The counselor clears her throat, “Enough,” she said as she stood up from her chair, “There is no mistake in the transcripts. Both of your classes scored the exact same, down to the decimal.”

Both of you look at each other. “But, how is that possible?” Hongjoong asked, just as confused as you were.

Both of you lower your head in shame.

“Now, this feud ends today. No more trying to live your rivalry through these kids.” She sits down again, waving both of you off.

You stand in front of the door to the driver’s side of your car, as did Hongjoong. With a silent agreement to end this rivalry, and call for peace.

Which only lasted until the next school year, much to the chagrin of everyone else.

[silvergarnet12]

Splatoon was the first Nintendo game to push me out of my comfort zone of single player games, and with the closure of it's servers I wanted to draw a tribute to a game that really means a lot to me.

Some long rambles about the game under the cut.

When I first played the Global Testfire I was 15, and the only mutliplayer games I played were with friends in the same room.

Splatoon was also the first shooter I ever picked up, as I always liked bright colours over more realistic graphics in my games, and back then the only shooters I knew about were Halo(and that was only really a name to me!) and the CoD games.

Any worries I had about being bad quickly vanished as the sheer vibe of chaotic fun the game had, particularly when no one had played it before, got rid of any worries, and all I remember is having fun. And choosing to play as the guy instead of the girl for the first time, solely becuase I wanted a ponytail like in real life(I would continue to use the guy through the series as a tradition, a contrast to what I saw most people online doing).

When the game came out I binged the single player, and vividly remember the first time I fought DJ Octavio, and the first time I heard Calamari Inkantation. If ever a game was to convince me that a song could irreversibly change your life, it was Splatoon. Because to teenage me, in that moment, with Calamari Inkantation playing in the background while I fought an octupus DJ, it did.

It gave me terminal brainworms for this series. And here I am, 8 yrs later. Older and more tired, been through some shit, had some good times, tried, succeeded and failed in things throughout the years.

I've always been grateful that they made the decision for the player character from 1 to return, everytime they've shown up it's felt a bit like seeing an old friend, especially since as the games time skips have always had them close to my age(which probably helped my attachement back in the first game). So hi Three, can't believe we both probably pay taxes now.

I have the original two Inkling Amiibos, in a collection that is slowly building, I'm still attached to Marie, and yes I was on her team for the Final Splatfest.

I cried when it was over, just like I did in 2's Final Fest(I was team chaos, two for two baby!) and will probably do so for 3's as well. Something about this series just makes me super attached to it's world and characters.

So booyah Splatoon, my final online game of yours was well and truly years ago, but I replayed story mode to share you with a friend recently, and I think I'll refight Octavio tonight in honour of the good times.

You encouraged me to try out games I wouldn't have otherwise(hello Overwatch and Deep Rock Galactic), and outlasted one of the other major games of my teenage years(...Overwatch 1 I miss you). So thank you for that.

I'll miss Squid Jump, Inkstrike, the og kit for the NZap 89(why does it's new one not vibe with me ;-;), the Squid Sister's broadcasts and the more saturated colours. At least I can always return to the Plaza in 3, and that Spyke isn't dead like I was concerned he was when 3 released, and see the Squid Sisters perform during Splatfests again.

I have so much more to say in my heart about you but no more ways to word it.

You've been a fantastic game, and will always be a treasured experience that I am grateful to have been a apart of from the very beginning.

Now bring back Moray Towers in 3 damn it! It's in 2 but I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY FAVOURITE STAGE IF IT"S NOT IN 4.

[moonflvver]

Gojo Satoru! Btw can you make another gojo fluff? I enjoy your work a lot tho!! Have a great day!! <3

characters: Gojo x reader

warnings: very fluffy stuff, gojo doubts himself for like two seconds but it gets resolved.

synopsis: Gojo likes waking up beside you in the morning.

a/n: I'm so glad that you like my work! Sorry for the late response but in honor of the new season of jjk here's some gojo fluff <3

w/c: 711

Early mornings with Gojo are truly a gift. Sunlight is pouring in through the white curtains in his room as you nuzzle your face into his chest. There’s a light breeze coming in through the windows and it feels as though the two of you are suspended in time for just a moment. Gojo always wakes up before you do and for those few minutes before you start to stir he gazes at your face, hoping to memorize every feature. His eyes run over every curve and dip across the plane of your body, drinking it all in. Right now he’s silently thanking whatever force of fate or mystical being it was that brought the two of you together. He knows that he can be a lot and maybe in the back of his mind he also knows that you deserve better than him. You deserve someone who isn’t constantly away from home, going on yet another mission. Leaving in the middle of the night in order to fulfill the requests of the higher ups.

An inadvertent sigh leaves his lips as his mind continues to rotate the idea that maybe you would be better off without him. And then your eyes start to blink open, and now you’re looking up at him with a smile, and just the sight of you makes his anxiety disappear. He grins at you and says “What are you smiling about?” You sit up next to him and rest your head on his shoulder before you say, “I just like seeing you first thing in the morning, it's nice.” You pause for a moment and then continue quietly, “I think that if I got to wake up with you like this for the rest of my life, I- I’d be okay with that.” You’re not quite sure what it was that made you say that and he’s silent beside you after you speak, and now you’re regretting saying anything at all. Your hands start to nervously play with the sheets, scrunching them up beside you as you look down.

And you know that he’s not one for commitment but you’d hoped that things were different because it was you. And while you’re trying to think of a way to take back what you’ve just said Gojo feels like his heart is going to explode at the thought of being able to wake up next to you for the rest of his life. He laces his fingers in yours, pulling your hand away from the sheets and then he starts drawing circles on your palm with his thumb and he gazes over at you with the most lovesick expression that you’ve ever seen on his face. His eyes are full of desperation, you’re not sure what it’s for exactly but you have a feeling that it has something to do with you.

Any regret you might’ve had dissipates instantly. He just looks at you for a brief moment and then he brings his other hand up to your cheek and of course you lean into his touch. “I want to stay like this…by your side.” He says, and he feels fear blooming in his chest because Gojo doesn’t rely on others, he doesn’t need them. At least that’s what he tells himself. But with you it’s different. He wants to rely on you, and despite the fact that this is new to him he knows that he’ll do whatever it takes to keep things like this for as long as possible.

He takes a second before speaking again and then he continues, “I’ll stay by your side, I’ll wake up next to you for as long as you’ll have me.” You smile up at him again, giving him that same expression that kills him every time. And honestly, he thinks that not even an eternity of waking up next to you would allow him to memorize every single one of your features but he thinks that he’d like to try. So he grips your hand a little tighter and the two of you bask in the moment of time that you’ve somehow managed to capture, free of the outside world. Just you and him waking up next to each other for what you hope is forever. 

[kwillow]

I alluded to this fact in a previous question about Theo's preferences for companions: it really depends.

Read more because this got long... tl;dr: IT WOULD REQUIRE A LOT OF SQUEEZIN' AND THE JUICE WOULDN'T BE WORTH IT TO ANYONE IN-UNIVERSE WHO WOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM EVERY DAY.

Someone could exist who could, in theory, get along with him perfectly and be his ideal man/woman (which again, he doesn't even really know what that would be, so he wouldn't know it when he saw it), and they could start off on the wrong foot with him, set off a tantrum spiral and never recover his esteem for the rest of his life.

Even if someone who could be compatible with him was able to pick their way through the bear traps of his mind and get close to him, that doesn't necessarily mean anything would come of it. He can get infatuated easily, experience flickers of attraction - but he would much rather ignore those feelings than act on them in any way beyond just trying to be a good and loyal friend and benefactor.

And then, even if someone got close to him, and he was infatuated with them AND recognized those emotions for what they are (a big ask in and of itself), he STILL would not want to enter a romance because that would change the nature of the relationship, he doesn't know what to do in a relationship, and he wouldn't want to entrap someone in a relationship with him (Gods, the horror) or suffer the travails and indignities of romance because all his experiences tell him that eros is a corrupting force and always ends really, really badly.

So one could ask him to start a relationship, and the absolute best result would probably be a polite and firm decline with some blathering about the nobility of "unrequited courtly devotion," with the more typical result being a meltdown.

Effectively, one would have to stay close to him for actual years in close proximity without leaving for greener pastures than him (which one should) and maybe, maaaaaybe if the right mental dominos fall he could conceivably think of entering a relationship. Except in Amaranthine, he'd only want to do that with a childbearing woman because he feels he needs to have children to continue his withered, hollow excuse of a family tree. AND THAT WOULD START A WHOLE OTHER SAGA. ALL THAT ABOVE WAS JUST GETTING TO FIRST BASE, LET'S NOT EVEN GET INTO WHAT IT'D TAKE TO GET ALL THE WAY TO FOURTH. Anyone not able to produce more Norths would have a whole 'nother endurance test to slog through to work through his issues about debt to his family and legacy and all that nonsense. And would either path be worth it to someone? Performing years worth of informal therapy (not real therapy, he hates doctors!) on a messed-up guy just to get him to maybe agree to go out with you? Probably not!

To bring it back to the beginning, despite all I've written here, it all depends. I don't think I can write a rulebook or point-by-point guide for "how to get Theo to agree to date another imaginary person" because in the end, he is a fictional character and he is more beholden to what would be interesting for my partner and I to write and draw versus anything else. And it would depend on the setting, the characters involved, the circumstances that befall them, myriad little factors that could influence what feels natural for him to do. Maybe there could be an interesting story we come up with where he falls irrationally head-over-heels for someone and proposes the same day. He could also spurn all companionship and focus his attention on other pursuits.

So... if anyone is expecting any sweet blossoming love stories to come to fruition within Theo’s story in Amaranthine… the odds aren't good. I don’t have much interest in writing “romance” as a genre, only incredibly dysfunctional relationships as a vehicle to cause strife and comedy in fucked-up weirdos' lives.

[vanfleeter]

Conjure: Chapter 4

Characters: Jake Kiszka, Josh Kiszka, Sam Kiszka, Maggie Warnings: 18+ || Paranormal. Ghosts. Spells. Conjuring. Angst. Anger. Grief. Yelling. Swearing. Drunkenness. Fluff. Friendly banter. A/N: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

“Jake, I really don’t want to be here,” Sam says as he stands outside the gate of the cemetery.

“Sam, you haven’t been here since the funeral,” Jake says as he pushes open the gate.

“For good reason..” Sam grumbles.

Jake sighs and rolls his eyes. “Stop it..” He grabs Sam by the elbow and pulls him past the gate. “Now come on, I bet he’s waiting for you.”

Sam rolls his eyes and continues to follow Jake through the cemetery. “You and your voodoo shit is really getting annoying.”

Jake scoffs and turns backwards to face Sam as he continues to walk. “It’s not voodoo..”

“Oh?” Sam digs into the bag he was assigned to carry and produces the same pumpkin and sage candle. “Then why do you have this?”

“It’s just a candle.”

“That’s not what Maggie said,” Sam says as he twists the candle in his hand. “She said you had been using it to conjure up Josh’s spirit.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jake snatches the candle out of Sam’s hand and sets it on top of Josh’s tombstone. “It smells good.”

‘You need to get your nose worked on again, brother,’ Josh says as he walks up beside Sam. ‘Candle smells like shit.’

Sam shakes his head and sits down on the ground. “So how exactly is this supposed to “help” me?” He says as Jake lights the candle and goes to sit on the ground as well.

“It allows you to begin the healing process.”

“You’re one to talk.” Sam grumbles.

Jake cocks his head to the side and gives Sam a disapproving look. “Feeling completely healed doesn’t happen overnight, Samuel. It takes time.”

“It’s been four years, Jake,” Sam sighs. “If it hasn’t already happened, I fear it will never happen.”

“That’s because you haven’t tried.”

Josh lowers himself to the ground and sits cross legged in front of Sam. ‘Come on Sam.. Please talk to me.. Tell me how you feel, please. I know you feel guilty and you shouldn’t.. I just wish you could hear me tell you that.’

Sam shakes his head and he lowers his chin. “I don’t know, Jake.. I haven’t been back here in four years for a reason.. I can’t face it.”

“You already are,” Jake says. “Just because you can’t see him or hear him, doesn’t mean he can’t.”

Sam leans his elbows on his crossed legs and rests his chin in his hand. He stayed quiet for a while, drawing circles into the grass in front of him. Jake let him take his time, so he turned to face the sunset. It wasn’t long before Sam was standing to his feet and taking the bottle of tequila out of the bag. But instead of twisting the cap off and pouring a shot, he slings the bottle at the tombstone. Jake jumps at the sound of the glass bottle shattering against the stone.

“Fuck you!” Sam shouts. “How could you have been so stupid?! Why did you have to be such a show off?! For once in your life you could have just not entertained people! Just once! You would still be here if you weren’t clowning around!”

‘There you go, Sammy.’ Josh says as he watches Sam take out his anger. ‘Let me hear it.’

Jake had fully turned his body around on the ground so he was facing Sam and all of his anger on display. “So fucking stupid, Josh, and I still so fucking angry with you! You ruined everything! My life, the band! The only good thing that I had managed to create is a baby! A baby that won’t grow up with you around! It feels so wrong bringing another life into this world after losing one–a vital one..” Tears fell down Sam’s cheeks and he fell to his knees in front of the stone. “I should hate you.. I really should.. But I can’t..”

Jake moves closer to Sam and wraps his arms around him. Sam turns his body into Jake’s, his cries taking over his body.

“I miss him, Jake..” Sam cries over his shoulder.

“I know you do,” Jake says as holds him tighter. “Believe me, I do.”

Hearing a knock at her door, Maggie gets up from the couch and goes over to answer it. Pulling open the door she’s surprised when she sees Jake standing out in the hallway. His head is lowered, his hair covering his face. He sniffles and looks up at her, his eyes red and puffy. She doesn’t say a word, instead she pulls him inside her apartment.

Waking up the next morning, his head pounding, and his body shivering, Jake peels his eyes open and finds himself alone in the bed with the covers strewn all over exposing his half naked self to the chilled air. Grabbing the covers, he drags them back over his body but pauses when he hears humming coming from Maggie’s kitchen. It was sweet and soothing and he wanted to hear more of it.

So he climbs out of bed and throws his shirt back on before quietly making his way down the hallway and to the kitchen. He can smell the scent of lavender making him feel more at ease. Peering around the wall of the kitchen, he finds Maggie seated at the island counter with a book open in front of her. She smiles and looks up at him.

“Good morning,” She says. “How’re you feeling?”

“A little better,” He says as he walks over to stand behind her. “Thank you for letting me cry in your bed.”

Maggie giggles and turns her head to look over her shoulder. “My bed is your bed.”

He chuckles and kisses her cheek. “Then why don’t you come back to it?” He says as he begins to sway their bodies back and forth.

“I would love to, but I have been doing some research.” She says. “I think I may have found something that could help us, but it’s going to take a lot of practice.”

“A lot?” Jake questions. “How much is a lot?”

“It involves a lot of breathing exercises and getting our bodies in tune with the spirit world.”

“So in other words… Yoga.”

“Yeah pretty much,” She says as she closes the book.

“Looks like a kid’s spellbook.”

Maggie giggles and takes a drink of her coffee. “I know nothing about what the book contains or how it may or may not work.”

“Where’d you even find it?”

“Some lady in Oregon who claims to be a witch.”

“Doesn’t sound sketchy in the slightest.” Jake chuckles.

“It’s worth a shot,” Maggie says. “Probably will do something more than that dinky pumpkin and sage candle.”

“Excuse you.. My candle is–” Maggie raises her eyebrows. “My candle is horrible..” Jake sighs. “I guess we can try this.”

“Well we have at least twelve months to perfect this,” Maggie says before sliding off the bar stool. “Sam’s welcome to join too.”

Jake shakes his head. “I don’t think so..”

“Sam is just as distraught as you are, if not more.. Maybe this could be his chance to have the closure he needs to make peace with the past.”

“He’ll think we’re insane.”

Maggie wraps her arms around his body. “Just casually mention it to gauge his opinion.”

“And how exactly do I tell him casually? ‘Hey Maggie and I have a plan to bring Josh back from the dead for a day, want to join?’.”

“Well not like that,” She laughs.

“Then how does one bring that up?”

–A Few Weeks Later–

Sam twirls his fork in the spaghetti on his plate as he stares at Jake. “So let me get this straight.. You want to conjure up Josh’s spirit for twenty four hours?”

“I know it sounds crazy–”

“Crazy?” Sam scoffs.

“--But it would give us closure..”

“This is absolutely deranged..” Sam tosses his fork down on the plate and stands up from his chair. “You want me to participate in some seance to bring our dead brother back from the dead just to have some closure? Jake, you have absolutely lost your mind.”

“Sam, listen–”

“No! You’re delusional thinking something like this can happen! He’s dead, Jake!”

“I know he is..” Jake mumbles as he slouches in his chair.

“Then leave it be,” Sam says. “Let him fucking be at peace wherever his goddamn spirit is..”

“What if he isn’t at peace, Sam? What if he’s struggling like we are? What if he needs that closure too?”

“Jake.. Josh is dead.” He grabs his coat off the back of his chair and slips it on. “But if you and Maggie want to go through with this freaky voodoo shit, then go for it.. I want no part in it.”

Jake huffs and drops his head as Sam storms out of the house, the door slamming shut behind him. Jake leans forward onto the table and rests his chin in his hands. Josh appears beside him and sighs. ‘That went well..’ He mutters. ‘Give him time, he’ll come around.’

“Maybe I am deranged..” Jake says to himself as he stands up from his chair and gathers the plates and carries them to the sink. He scoffs and turns on the faucet before running the garbage disposal. After letting it run for a few seconds, he shuts off the disposal and rinses off the plates before putting them in the dishwasher. “But if I’m deranged then I guess I could ask you to pour me a shot?”

Josh chuckles and gets up from the table. ‘Just because I figured out how to make coffee doesn’t mean you can abuse my abilities for your own drunken gain.’

Jake smiles before he starts laughing. “Come on Joshy, help your little brother out.”

‘So not happening, Jakey.’

Jake sighs and rolls his eyes. “Fine, I’ll get it myself..”

‘I think you’ve had enough to drink already.’

He follows Jake into the living room where he starts to pour himself a shot of whiskey. “Maybe I have lost my mind.. Grief can make you do funny things..”

‘Like getting blackout drunk like you’ve been doing since I died?’

“Alcohol eases the pain, Joshy..” Jake throws back the shot before pouring more. “And silly me for wanting to involve Sam, huh?”

‘Jake, stop..’

Jake downs the next shot before setting the empty glass down and grabbing the bottle instead. He goes over to the couch and flops down on it. “Sorry, Sam, I just wanted to give you some closure too.” He scoffs and lifts the bottle to his lips and takes a long drag of it. “You probably think I’m crazy too.”

‘You’re still grieving, Jake.’

“Fuck it.. Maybe I’ll get lucky tonight..”

Josh watches as Jake begins to light a few candles and lays them out in a circle on the hardwood floor. Closing his eyes, he begins to clear his mind of everything and focuses on his breathing. He needs to find peace and tranquility and Josh.

‘This could be interesting.’ Josh says as he relaxes back on the couch and crosses his legs over one another on the coffee table.

“Cinis in cinerem pulvis ad pulvis,” Jake begins to chant. “Eadem pellis participes sumus. Nos eiusdem sanguinis participes.”

‘O-o-o, fancy. Speaking all in Latin.’ Josh chuckles. ‘No idea what you’re saying.’

“Cinis in cinerem pulvis ad pulvis.. Eadem pellis participes sumus. Nos eiusdem sanguinis participes.”

Jake goes on for another hour, repeating the incantation over and over again as he focuses on his breathing.

‘Well, I’m getting bored, I’m going to lay out on your bed.’ Josh stands up from the couch and leaves the living room and Jake to his own devices.

Hours have passed and Jake is finally growing exhausted. The candles were near spent, wax drying on the floor. Blowing out the candles, Jake picks them up and sets them back on the mantelpiece before going to grab a butter knife to gently scrape the melted wax off of the hardwood floors. Once everything is cleaned up, he makes sure the house is locked up before going upstairs.

‘You finally finished.’ Josh sighs as he sits up on the bed. ‘And you look so drained.. The fuck kind of incantation were you doing?’

Jake huffs and falls down onto the bed. “Maggie is right. This is definitely going to take a lot of practice.” He rolls over onto his side, facing Josh. His eyes start to droop closed, sleep fighting to take over his body. “Goodnight, Josh..”

Josh scoffs and smiles. "Boy do you need sleep," he says. ‘Goodnight, Jake.’

The sun is shining brightly into the bedroom and covering Jake’s face. Groaning and rolling over onto his side, he grabs his phone and taps the screen to check the time. 2pm. He really slept most of the day away. The screen is littered with texts from Sam and Maggie, accompanied by a few missed calls from Maggie.

“You really slept in late today..”

Dropping his phone on the nightstand, Jake slowly turns over and looks beside him. Laying in the bed beside him is Josh.

Josh?

Josh?!

“Oh my god, you heard me..” Josh says.

“AAAHHH!!” Jake screams at the top of his lungs as he scrambles off the bed and staggers backwards away from Josh. “You.. You..” Reaching for the nearest object, he swipes a bottle of cologne off his dresser and throws it at Josh.

“Hey! Woah!” Josh shouts as he dodges the flying object. “Jake, calm down.” Without another word, Jake takes off out of the bedroom. “Wait! Jake! Stop!”

“No! Stay the fuck away from me!”

“Jake!” Josh chases after him into the kitchen. Jake is scrambling around the kitchen, searching for something. “Jake, please calm down.” Jake grabs a frying pan off the hook and swings it at Josh. “Jacob! Put the pan down..”

“No..” Jake says as he holds it out in front of him. “Not until I figure out if I’m dreaming any of this.”

“Hate to break it to you, brother, but you are wide awake.” Josh says.

They slowly circle the island, Josh with his hands held in the air, and Jake still holding onto the frying pan.

“I have to be hungover..”

“Definitely not that either,” Josh says. “You barely drank enough to get yourself blacked out again.”

“You’ve been watching me?!”

“Someone’s gotta keep their eye on you.” Josh says. “Although I always leave when you and Maggie…you know.”

“Oh my god!” Jake grimaces. “How long have you been watching me?!”

“Every time you come to the cemetery.. But then I figured out how to leave the cemetery so I’ve been here ever since. You’re welcome for the coffee by the way.”

“That was you…” Jake says as he lowers the pan.

“Morning after coffee is great.” Josh smirks.

Jake drops the frying pan down on the island counter. Josh sheepishly smiles and snatches the pan away. “Just so I don’t get threatened with it again..” He awkwardly laughs.

Jake digs his hands into his hair. “How.. How did this even happen?”

“It could be that spell you were chanting over and over last night.” Josh says. “Where did you even find that anyways?”

“I don’t know…” Jake sighs. “Maggie said she found it in some spellbook that she got from some old lady in Oregon.”

“And you thought to try it?”

“I didn’t think it was gonna work!” Jake exclaims, dropping his hands to his sides. He begins to pace back and forth and tries to make sense of the fact that his twin is currently standing in front of him. The doorbell rings making Jake freeze and his stomach plummets. Suddenly he’s shoving Josh out of the kitchen and towards the stairs. “Go, go.”

“You’re hiding me?”

“Just go!”

Once Josh is upstairs, Jake goes to answer the door. Swinging the door open he smiles brightly only to come face to face with Sam.

“Oh no..”

“Gee, good to see you too.” Sam chuckles as he steps into the house. “I’m sorry to just show up like this but I did a lot of thinking.. You may sound insane, yes.. But if I’m being honest, having another chance to see Josh again, even just for a limited time, I don’t want to miss out on that.”

“Oh uh, well..” Jake scratches the back of the head. “About that..”

“Don’t tell me you changed your mind..” Sam says. “I will gladly take the damn spellbook from you and do it myself.”

“Y-You.. Um.. You don’t have to do that..”

Sam’s eyebrows crease and he folds his arms over his chest. “And why not?”

Jake takes in a deep breath and goes over to the stairs. “You can come down now!” He calls up to Josh.

Sam looks up the staircase to see Josh stepping into view. “Josh?”

“Hey baby brother,” Josh smiles.

Sam turns his attention back to Jake. “Did you..”

“Yeah..” Jake breathes.

“Last night?”

Jake nods his head. “I was a little upset after you left.. So I thought I would try to prove to you that I wasn’t crazy and well…” He throws his hand up in Josh’s direction.

“Does Maggie know?”

Jake shakes his head. “I just woke up a little bit ago.”

“It’s 2:30..”

“Apparently doing that spell wipes you out.”

Josh walks down the stairs, cautiously as to not send Sam running away and screaming, much like his frightened brother. “You don’t by chance have any weapons on you?”

“No?” Sam says confused. “Why?”

“No reason,” Josh shrugs his shoulders.

“Okay?” Sam slowly steps up to Josh and presses his index finger into Josh's cheek. “You are real…” Suddenly he throws his arms around him and hugs him tightly. “I’m so sorry.. I was angry and–”

“Sam,” Josh chuckles as he hugs him. “Never apologize. I wanted you to say all of that. I needed you too.”

They hold onto each other a little while longer before pulling apart.

“Congratulations on the baby,” Josh says. “I’m very happy for you.”

“I wish you’d be able to see them when they come.”

Josh smiles and rests his hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Did you know children can supposedly see ghosts? I’m going to test that theory.”

“Oh boy..” Sam sighs. “Just don't freak them out.”

“I would never.” Josh says. “So!” He claps his hands. “What do we do now?”

“I need a drink..” Jake sighs before turning around and heading for the living room.

“Are you serious?” Josh says as he follows after him. “You conjure me from the great beyond and you want to drink?”

“I’m still trying to wrap my head around this.” He pours out a shot of whiskey and throws it back before pouring himself another one.

“Hello! You brought me back from the dead! I think I need to be wrapping my head around this.” Josh says as he takes the bottle from Jake’s hand. “Feels so good to finally be able to take something out of your hands. Seriously though, what do we do now?”

The front door opens and soon Maggie is joining the trio in the living room. “Oh hey Sam!” She greets him with a smile. “Lovely seeing you here.” She drops her bag on the couch. “Hey Josh,” She says as she waves at him and sits on the couch.

Sam and Josh both look at each other before Maggie’s jumping off the couch and turning to face Josh.

“Josh?!”

“Hi-i-i,” He awkwardly laughs. “Nice to finally meet you, Maggie.”

“You’re here? You’re real? How the hell are you…here…” Her voice trails and she turns her attention to Jake. “Care to explain how your brother is standing in the living room right now?”

“Depends,” Jake says. “How mad are you?”

“I’m not even sure what emotion I have right now.. Am I dreaming?” She says as she turns to look at Sam. He simply shakes his head in response.

“I got drunk last night after Sam left and I wanted to prove to him that this wasn’t just some silly voodoo shit.” Jake says.

“How did you do it?” Maggie asks.

Jake shrugs his shoulders. “I lit some candles and repeated the incantation until I grew tired.”

“And then proceeded to sleep all day.” Josh adds. “Such a boring day. Though it’s nothing new, I spent the last four years bored out of my mind in a cemetery.”

“Sleeping all day would explain why you haven’t been answering my calls.” Maggie says as she raises her brows at Jake.

“So now what? He asks for the third time..” Josh says.

“Well you can’t leave the house,” Sam says. “Last thing we need is freaking people out.”

“Let’s make some music!” Josh exclaims. “One last song together and you can say it was in the lost files.”

“But we’d need Danny.” Jake says. “And he knows nothing about this.”

“Plus he’s golfing in Florida,” Sam says. Josh turns to Sam and flashes a wide grin. Sam sighs and fishes his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll go call him.”

tag list is in my master list if you would like to add yourself! 🤍

@losfacedevil @writingcold @ignite-my-fire @takenbythemadness @edgingthedarkness @hollyco @earthgrlsreasy @dancingcarbon @josh-iamyour-mama @oliverfuckingreed @cheersdannyx2 @highway-tuna @musicislove3389 @gretavangroupie @jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka @thetroublegetssoloud71 @squirreledelman

[nightyslibrary]

(A Short Fic About) A Normal Day With Your Double Mutated Brother

☆ Fandom: rottmnt (au by @heckitall )

☆ Warnings: Nothing!! Just fluff and the boys being silly :]

☆ Word Count: 1432

☆ AO3 Link: N/A

☆ Characters: Leo, Donnie, Mikey

Uhh so I might have written something inspired by Heckl's comics and drawings :] go check his comics/artwork out!! Hope you like it (and happy birthday!!) (Also if there is any mistake... well, lets say its because it is 1 am)

 When it came to playing video games the twins would always end up getting too invested in it, which either would turn up to them fixating on the game for hours or fighting over who could beat it in “the right way”. Even when the games were two player ones, they’d still do the same thing.

 Not so surprisingly, this didn’t change even when Donnie became twice his size. Instead now the boys were sitting in Leo’s room, Leo laying his back on Donnie and playing the new the Legend of Zelda game on their switch. Donnie was watching the screen with joy, his tail wagging, and at times chirping to Leo.

 “See? I can do the puzzles quite well.” Leo said without looking away from the screen. “I had told you.”

 Donnie chirped as a response, as if making fun of Leo.

 Leo turned to him, “Just because I got stuck it doesn’t mean I am not good with them. Now let’s go back to the depths, since somebody thinks I can’t handle it.”

 The double mutated turtle smirked, making turtle sounds, before noticing something on the screen and pointing.

 “Wha- oh shi--!” He yelped as he moved with Donnie’s arms holding him, making various sounds in the meantime. As Leo turned back his attention to the game, bleeping as he continued playing it with Donnie commenting at times once again. Just like before Donnie’s situation, as if nothing had changed. Everybody in the lair would agree this was nice.

 Neither of them was sure how long had passed when Mikey entered with a smile on his face. “Are you two still playing Tears of the Kingdom?” He asked as he approached them.

 “Yep.” Leo replied.

 “It’s been five hours.” Mikey said.

 “Uh-huh.”

 “Which means nobody would say anything if I interrupted you for very important reasons.” He grinned.

 “Wrong.” Leo responded.

 “Don’t think Raphie or dad would agree.” Mikey said, knowing very well that he was right and the two would hear about how they shouldn’t sit down and play video games, forgetting to take care of themselves such as eating. Not to mention how Raph would take this to his advantage and get the switch for himself, not letting Leo play for the rest of the day.

 The slider sighed and starred at his younger brother, knowing very well that Mikey had won. He saved his game and put the switch aside. Meanwhile, Donnie huffed from behind. “Soooo tell us about whatever that is very important?” Leo asked as he got up.

 “I was thinking about how long the lair has been the same, and about how nice it would be to redecorate it.” Mikey explained.

 “You’re the artist Mike, not us.” Leo pointed out.

 “Weeeellll, I wasn’t only thinking about art. Remember the Christmas lights?”

 Leo squinted at Mikey. “You want to decorate the lair with Christmas lights.”

 “Yes!”

 “In August.”

 “Yeah!”

 “…”

 “…”

 “You’ll ignore Halloween?!” Leo gasped, a bit dramatically.

 “We can have Halloween later on!” Mikey retorted. “I just want to have some bright lights around, and maybe a few other new stuffs. A colorful lair wouldn’t hurt anyone, instead it would bring joy! Also, it is for art and creativity!”

 “So, you mean you want to,” Leo snickered, and his brothers knew what was coming. “Lighten up the mood.”

 Mikey groaned, while Donnie growled, both hating the pun. Leo giggled at his own joke, proud of it.

 “Ignoring Leo’s terrible pun for my sanity, all I am saying is it would be nice if you could help.” The youngest said.

 “Eh, sure.” Leo shrugged, not that he could say no. Donnie got on his feet too, careful to not accidentally knock anything down. He was still getting used to his new size.

 With Mikey’s lead they walked out, heading to where Mikey already had the boxes filled with Christmas lights. “We can start from here, and then move to the living room. Leo, can you get the lower parts done?”

 “Call it done already.” The slider winked as he walked towards a box.

 Mikey joined him, grabbing lights from a different box, “Donnie can you help me? I need to reach the higher parts.”

 Donnie chirped as he leaned for Mikey to climb on his shoulders, just like how he did with Raph. He carefully climbed and then patted Donnie’s shoulder to confirm he was ready. Donnie churred happily, he stood up again.

 So, they began redecorating the lair with the lights, leaving some walls empty so Mikey could draw on them. In the meantime, they chatted, talking about various things and unimportant stuff. Filling the silence with happy chatter. Mikey would talk about his next art projects, then mention something that inspirited him, Leo would ask about it, and the conversation would go on.

 It was just like every single time they spent time together, yet it was everything Donnie could ask for. The chatter of his brothers, Mikey’s unexpected ideas, Leo’s dumdum jokes… It was comforting for him.

 So, comforting that---

 CHURRR

 Leo and Mikey stopped talking, looking at Donnie with surprise and glee. Donnie confusedly looked Leo and then at Mikey. As silence was the only answer, Donnie realized what he just had done. His brothers’ exclamation confirmed his fear:

 “OH MY GOSH!!!” Mikey grinned as he jumped down to see Donnie better. “DID YOU DO THAT?!”

 “DID YOU JUST CHURR?!” Leo wheezed.

 Donnie chirped a lot, trying his best in his situation. It didn’t help that Leo kept laughing, and Mikey kept saying he sounded like a happy cat. Maybe if Donnie was his not double mutated self, he would’ve acted cooler and kept calm. But he was not and all he could do chirping. Which frustrated him even more, resulting him running out of the room.

 Leo and Mikey were quick to follow him.

 Donnie had lay under a pile of clothes, most of them being his hoodies and some of Raph’s sweaters that Raph had helped him wear (and later Donnie hadn’t let Raph get them back) in his room. His tail was visible, wagging angrily.  

 The two brothers approached carefully, not to startle him. Mikey looked at Leo, unsure what to do or say. He was feeling a bit bad for Donnie, but he still couldn’t help thinking that he behaved like a cat. Leo wasn’t feeling much different. He knew that he shouldn’t have laughed that much, while Donnie was still upset with his double this whole situation.

 Leo was first to speak, “Uh hey Dee, mind if we join you?”

 A growl.

 “Aww come on, we got something to show you.” He said cheerfully, Mikey looked at him confusedly. The slider winked at him, meaning he had a plan.

 Donnie didn’t leave the pile, but got his head out of it, enough to be able to see them. Leo grinned, and then chirped. Donnie’s eyes widened, surprised, and confused.

 “I thought you had stopped doing it and were unable to anymore.” Mikey squinted at Leo.

 “Well, maybe Donnie’s chirping has helped me figure it out, couldn’t it be?” He spoke.

 Before Mikey could say anything and tell his disbelief, Donnie chirped.

 Leo turned his attention back to him, “I have absolutely no idea what I am saying though, but- chirp!”

 “Are you sure about not knowing what you’re saying?” Mikey questioned.

 “Chiirp.” Leo smirked.

 This seemed to lift Donnie’s mood a bit though. His tail was wagging in the happy way, and he began chirping again. Mikey joined too, since he never had hidden the fact that he still could chirp. Soon the room was filled with chirping of every sort, and the snickering of Mikey and Leo among them at times when one of them made a funny sounding one.

 As the boys' conversation changed with the passing time, Leo turned to Mikey. "About the Christmas lights... you're definitely up to something." He said. "Could it be a prank against Raph?"

 "Please, I would never." Mikey responded, obviously guilty. He didn't need to say it to confirm Leo's guess when he happily stimmed the way he'd do when he was excited for something.

 "Get ready for a surprised Raph yelp, Dee." Leo looked at the clock on his phone. Then looked at Donnie. "He'd wake up any moment now."

 Donnie chirped in response, letting Leo pet his back. Something that kept Donnie relaxed, they'd discovered.

 Then they heard the surprised yelp, as Leo had guessed:

 "ITS CHRISTMAS?!"

 Leo and Donnie turned to Mikey, who was giggling. "Brumation prank," He grinned. "Never gets old."

[hotandnonbinary]

An analysis/character study of Buck and his relationships through the lens of Echo and Narcissus.

I have spent literally 3 days writing this overly complicated, rambly explanation of how my two hyperfixations fit together so take that as you will...

This is egregiously long (~3,000 words) so if thats what makes you not read it i completely understand

If you do, I sincerely hope you enjoy my labor of love analysis of my favorite freak buck buckley 💖

The Story of Echo

Echo was a nymph who resided near a mountain that was frequented by Zeus when he did typical zeus things and cheated on his wife, hera at every given opportunity. Zeus only cared for the other nymphs and ordered echo to distract hera when she followed him to the mountain and so echo did so, charming hera with her voice and distracted her as zeus continued his escapades. when hera realized what had been done she cursed echo to only repeat the words that were said to her, never to be her own person again, doomed to merely reflect others onto themselves.

"I shall give you less power over that tongue by which I have been deluded, and the briefest ability to speak" (Ovid's Metamorphoses Book III)

The Parallel

The not immediately obvious parallel I'm drawing here is that Zeus is actually Daniel and Hera is the Buckley parents. Daniel obviously wasnt running around having sex with random women, but he was going somewhere his parents, Hera, couldn't follow. Even as they constantly pursued after him and attempted to bring him to a place where they could keep him safe and hover over him, they couldnt actually stop his leukemia. Buck, just as Echo was, is seen as a distraction from this pursuit after Daniel, even if it isnt anything of his own doing. They don't actually want another child to look after and care for, they want what they already have and that is being taken away from them. Buck, in the same sense as Echo, was supposed to be a tool to solve the issue. Hera would find Zeus by conversing with the nymphs and Buck would save Daniel by being born as a savior baby. Neither solution worked, and both Hera and the Buckleys were instead left scrambling, not actually getting what they wanted, leaving them to lash out against what was supposed to be the solution. Buck's "curse" then (I hesitate to use the word 'curse' here because as a bpd buck truther i dislike the idea of calling a disorder something your parents 'cursed' you with) is the same as Echo's, an inability to determing and express his personhood on his own, instead needed another person to reflect off of, to become their echo. He waits until he is told, or inferences, what he is supposed to be doing and who he is supposed to be for another person and then he changes to do and become exactly what they want or he thinks they need. They are his source of personhood and how he determines his actions, evidenced largely by his "software upgrades" but also present in many other changes he likely isnt aware of himself but we can determine as viewers, such as:

Evan, the hurt child to dote upon. creating a new behavior that has him being seen as Daniel as it is the only way he can get the attention he needs.

"We live with the reminder every day, staring us in the face!" (4x05: Buck Begins)

Firehose, the man who sleeps with any and every woman he can. yet again the way to gets attention and determines who he is, never getting to know people as he only gets the attention if he doesn't.

"You're cute, and very good at whatever it is we just did, but let's not ruin everything by actually getting to know each other." (1x01: Pilot)

Buck, the firefighter who saves people. Basing his entire life and personality around how he can help other people, never actually looking to see what he might want from life past that, unable to accept that he can do something else and still be a person.

"No, being a firefighter is my life!" (2x18: This Life we Choose)

Other examples include (but this is so long and everyone knows this already):

following connor to california from peru

being a sperm donor for connor and kameron

dating natalia after he died in the lightning strike

dating tommy after figuring out he likes men

other things im definitely forgetting

The Story of Narcissus / The Meeting of Echo

Narcissus is born beautiful, but his parents worry that because of this, he will not live a long and happy life. So, they go to a seer to receive a prophecy about their newborn baby

"Being consulted as to whether the child would live a long life, to a ripe old age, the seer with prophetic vision replied ‘If he does not discover himself’." (Ovid's Metamorphoses Book III)

As he grew up, many began to desire him due to his immense beauty, none could look at him unaffected by desire. But, full of pride at his own beauty that no others affected him, he would never be moved by the visage of another.

The nymph Echo saw Narcissus one day in the woods, long after she had been cursed. When she saw him she was struck by his beauty, just as all others had been. She desired him, just as oil burns when exposed to flame, and just as easily as it ignites. She who could not speak first, but could not stay silent when others spoke to her had fallen in love with a man who only saw himself. Oh how she wished to get closer to the man she admired, to introduce herself and talk to him as easily as his band of admirers did, but:

"Her nature denies it, and will not let her begin, but she is ready for what it will allow her to do, to wait for sounds, to which she can return words."

She had to wait and watch, patiently listening to what he would say, so she could use his own words to communicate. Once, when he was separated from his other admirers, she took her chance when he asked if there was anyone here. She replied with his own word 'Here.' And upon him saying let us meet together she cries 'Together' and rushes to embrace him. But when she does so he cries out in alarm, no longer is she his voice repeating back to him but her own visage touching his body 'May I die before what's mine is yours!' as all she repeats is 'What's mine is yours...'

In the shame of her rejection she wanders the woods alone, living her life hiding among the leaves and in caves. As her love endures in her solitude, her sadness only continues to compound upon itself. As her sleepless thoughts rush through her she cannot express them aloud, only existing in her love for Narcissus through his love for himself. Her body wastes away as only her bones remain, turning into the stones of the caves she had hidden herself away in. Yet she remains without a body, in the sounds and voices she Echoes. The sound that lives within her only accessible by the sound of others. Heard by everyone and yet understood only as the words of themselves, never truly accepted as she is.

The Parallel

(Disclaimer: i am NOT calling all of buck's love interests narcissistic but i AM comparing them to Narcissus' role in Echo's story)

the prophecy of Narcissus in this case does not represent how long the LIs themselves will live, but how long their relationship with Buck will last instead. the relationship will last "as long as they do not discover themselves" or in other iterations of the story "as long as they do not wish to know themselves." In all of Buck's relationships he becomes someone he isn't to try to reflect what his partner wants. For this reason he also is never the one to choose someone. He can want someone but "his nature denies him, and does not let him begin" but "he waits for expectations, so that he can return actions in turn."

With Abby, he has to be someone she can rely on, but also a fun distraction from her mother dying. The relationship ends when her mother dies and she decides she wants more, that she can't live surrounded with the reminder of her dead mother and how Abby herself gave up her chance at living. As Buck was merely a reflection of what she wanted in that time, she had moved past needing him and wanted to discover herself. She couldnt live with the reflection of who she used to be in her journey to discover herself. Yet still he clings to her after she leaves, letting his love for her destroy his life until there is nothing left of him but his love for her, wasting away in her apartment. It isnt until he meets Eddie that he truly breaks out of this, gaining his body back to rejoin the voice that was left.

For Ali, buck saved her life. He was a heroic firefighter who helped her on the worst day of her life in a time she felt unsteady and unstable. Buck then reflected what she needed, and what she saw in him. He was an indestructible firefighter and that was just about it. But when he goes through his own traumas and dangerous situations, she is faced with a Buck she has never seen before. No longer is he this perfect man, he is just as human and prone to getting hurt as she is. When the ladder truck falls on his leg, she watches as he experiences exactly what she went through on the worst day of her life. And she can't live with her own reflection. She didnt realize she was leaning on him in such a way until the illusion was broken, and then she couldnt handle it. She leaves him after he shows that he isnt this perfect picture she built up in her head. In this case, it isnt Ali herself that he gets caught up on. Its the reason she left, the ladder truck bombing and how its stopping him from being a firefighter. He still wants to be the perfect indestructible firefighter she thought he was, no injury is going to keep him from doing his job because his job 'is his life'. He needs to cling onto it as hard as he can, because there simply isn't a Buck left without knowing exactly what role he has to fit into, and the role of self-sacrificing firefighter is one he has filled perfectly for a long time. As he said to his parents:

"I have walked through fire every day of my life!"

In Taylor's case, Buck is actually different things for her. They start out as purely people who have sex, and he understands that. He doesn't put himself high on her priority list and doesnt think he's all that important for her. He's okay with just being fun for her. But when they get into an actual relationship, then he starts seeing himself as being the perfect boyfriend for her. Someone who can de-stress her from her job. This is likely due to, yet again, meeting her by saving her life. He saved her from danger one time and so he expects that he can keep saving her, even if he wants to save her from herself. He thinks that if he is a good enough caricature of a boyfriend, then he'll start getting the highest priority on her list. This isn't to say Taylor didnt care for him or didnt love him, she did. She just knew she prioritized her job over her boyfriend but this didnt make sense for Buck, even as he really did that with Ali. he thinks that she'll change for him as easily as he is for her, or that even if she didnt. He "thought he could learn to live with" it. he was in this case almost reflecting what he saw as her apathy. If she didnt change he could just ignore it in order to keep getting the benefits from the relationship, as he thought she was doing likely due to the beginning of their relationship. Taylor saw that he was apathetic toward their relationship and only forcing himself to go through with it, which is a dramatic and overly exaggerated version of what she was doing. She merely had her priorities in order, self success over bowing down to a potential relationship (as she should), which could be seen as forcing yourself into a relationship if youre not giving it one hundred percent. She saw a perverted reflection of her own feelings and decided she didnt want to become that, or even deal with the man who trapped her in his apartment after saying he loved her.

Natalia, in contrast to Taylor, similarly to her character overall is really boring and obvious. Also, there really isnt much to analyze about her behavior (since she doesnt even have any). Buck died in the lightning strike and shes a death doula. She thought it was cool that he died but wasnt still dead. It was fascinating to her as someone who deals with death all the time. This, in turn, made buck also act like his death was almost a joke, an interesting fact or story to tell about himself. He acts as if it didnt lead to a coma dream which made him completely rethink his self worth (kind of? he doesnt really seem to believe this). Along with the fact that his friends (family) also witnessed this and had to deal with the fallout and mental struggle of seeing him die. I have nothing to speak on regarding her seeing him as a reflection of herself as she basically isnt a character (better than mirabel marisol).

Tommy is actually an interesting case here. Buck's first relationship with a man, the one who made him realize he was interested in men in fact. But this fact is also the downfall of their relationship. Buck entirely defined himself through this relationship. He didnt have to think about his sexuality past the fact that he was interested in Tommy and dating him, that was the answer to any potential question he could have about himself. Anything about the relationship was just written off as 'oh im into guys now' even if they didnt really have a connection or anything in common. Tommy saw him as someone into guys and so thats all buck became. This is partially due to the bad writing of season 7 that was buck kissed him and thats all that happened with him being bi but it does lead to some fun analysis. Tommy himself likely saw this in Buck "I'm your first, not your last" and all that. He saw that buck was just putting himself through the steps of the relationship just because he liked guys, and thats what tommy wanted to avoid. He did like dating Buck but he knew that bucks priorities were in other places (eddie) and wanted to avoid his own heartbreak. He likely knew this from the start "My attention?" anyone? but he wanted to date someone, so he put himself through it, which led to buck doing the same thing. And so when buck is faced with adversity "Do you love him?" he tries to cling and ask tommy to move in because he doesnt know who he is without this relationship. he hasnt looked inwards and tried to look at how this revelation has affected him, he was again merely defined by someone else and their thoughts of him.

Buck's relationships all have this pattern in common, he reflects whatever his partner is or wants and when they see that he is just like them and not whatever they thought he was, they leave. They focus on themselves in a way to avoid being the reflection they are seeing that was a version of themselves. A truth they wanted to avoid. Not once has Buck initiated a relationship under his own power where he is his own person, devoid of any expectations or preconceived notions of what he should be.

So, What?

This is all to say he hasnt had a relationship like this with anyone except for Eddie. 2x01 has buck acting like he thinks he should. Hes bratty, hes mean, hes posturing because he thinks he has to act like the tougher man to keep his position in the firehouse. He goes into this with what he thinks eddie is going to be like. The overly competent, overly handsome man is obviously going to hate him and try to posture, so he preemptively Echoes that. But eddie shatters these expectations.

"You're a badass under pressure, brother... You could have my back any day." (2x01: Under Pressure)

All the posturing, kicking him out, and replacing him expectations broken in one simple conversation rooted in one compliment. Eddie doesn't think he's better than buck, he isn't replacing him, hes simply an addition to the already existing status quo. Calling him a badass, saying they can work together, calling him brother. It is so against everything he expected that he genuinely cant Echo anything because he no longer has anything to go off of, all he can be is Buck. This is seen with how he opens up so quickly to Eddie and how quickly it is reciprocated. Buck is accepted as himself, for just being him, and that is something he has rarely gotten to experience and so he revels in it, brings it to the farthest it can go. They know each other so deeply, they cant hide from each other. One sentence, one look, even just being around each other, they open up about the truths they're hiding from anyone else. They don't have to separate to explore themselves, they do it together. They're not afraid of reflecting the worst parts of each other because how can those parts be the worst if they are a part of someone they love? There is no one else Buck can reasonably have this deep of a connection with or an easy surefire way he can solve his issue of reflecting onto others in the way that he does. He needs this connection, this mutual understanding of 'You're never too much for me, come as you are.' 'This goes beyond friendship, I love you to the core.' Buck isnt just pieces of himself, he isnt just the voice in his bones (HOW DID I MISS THIS WITH THE DANIEL THING? LITERALLY HAS SOMETHING SPECIAL IN HIS BONES LMAO) he is all of himself, sound, voice, bones, and body. He is seen as he is and is loved for it, something no one else has bothered to even try to give him.

Buck needs to be the one to reach out in the safe space that has been created for him to be himself. I truly believe that for buddie canon to be done well it needs to start with buck (eddie wouldnt think he deserves it but thats a different post) to finally break his cycle of settling and changing who he is for other people.

[rose-of-pollux]

🕰️, ✒️, 👀, ❓, and ⏲️!

Thank you!!

🕰️If you were to insert yourself into the trilogy, what year would you come from? My own time, honestly; it'd be an interesting juxtaposition to Doc's vision of the 21st Century and different situations for Doc and Marty to navigate

✒️You are hired to write/draw a new bttf comic, and it can be about whatever you want. what in the bttf universe would you want to expand on? In an answer that will surprise no one, the continuation of the musical timeline; as the Tropes page for the musical pointed out, the exact events of part II (and by extension, pt III) can't happen since Doc's voice activation lock means that Biff won't be able to steal the DeLorean and create the 1985A timeline like he did in the movie. That being said, there are plenty of other shenanigans for Doc and Marty to get into, and I'm sure they'd end up in 1885 some other way, resulting in Clara coming back with them to 1985.

👀Share a random headcanon you have about your favorite character! Doc, especially musical!Doc is very asexual. Movie!Doc can be considered demisexual with how he fell head over heels for Clara and no one else, but musical!Doc, I feel, is so asexual that he wouldn't have fallen for Clara that quickly, but does bring her back with him and Marty to 1985, and their relationship progresses at a much, much slower rate, with Doc having no clue how to go about having a relationship and Marty gleefully getting to throw Doc's previous "interact in a socially significant situation" bit right back at him (probably with a reprise of "Put Your Mind to It").

❓What is one question you would love to ask Bob Gale? Was musical!Doc's ace-coding intentional or just a happy accident? (According to the Making Of book, Roger also got a lot of say in Doc's portrayal so I'm wondering was that possibly his doing, too. *happy ace flailing*)

⏲️What time period would you want Marty to travel to and what would you want him to do? For fun or for something serious? I really, really would love to see Marty go back in time to the 30s again and go on a McGuffin retrieval quest with Indiana Jones. Both 80s Doc and 30s Emmett are involved in some capacity (with 80s Doc desperately trying to stay out of his past self's way because paradoxes). Could also lead to something full-circle with 1969 Lone Pine Doc assisting Indy with the Dial of Destiny and all that time-travel stuff, and Indy trying to wrap his brain around the fact that the one-year-old that Doc is babysitting for the McFlys is, in fact, the same young man who was running around in the 30s helping him out.

[yuseirra]

Mhm, I try hard to sync up with the characters I draw to portray them better, I have to not just think of it in a logical standpoint but actually feel something similar to what they would to do it.

When it comes to a series that has songs, those tend to really help!

I've been staring at Hikaru for three months now (but to be honest, he's just particles. There aren't any whole pieces of the puzzle. I believe I really made do with everything I could piece together and it's been pretty fun, he's.. a character left to the author in the end though I guess.) what I consider to be a piece a bit.. solid and whole enough would be.. the songs, really. He's so confusing.

So in order to make sense of him again and reinterpret him so that i can work with him again, I went back and listened to Fatal again yesterday, right? (I take these very seriously!! I'm a good student!)

I jotted those feelings Fatal left me this time. Feelings are fleeting~ it can become different every time! Let's see if what I make of it might be explored later!! I see people are certain that he's dead, but I actually don't think he is because???? It's just super lazy writing and it's not just unfair to him but to Ai. WHAT ABOUT AI OMG. SHE WANTED TO SAVE HIM. That's why I drew them in the first place??? Because that was brought up as another end goal as a plot point. That's how I see it. He looks very much he'd rot away and die but it's so dumb if he does right now. Then I can officially call this a dumb story because why make Ai say that?? No, so it has to be touched better than Aqua just downright dunking him into the sea when the guy keeps saying "I didn't do anything."<he really DID not acknowledge having done anything yet and Aqua did not bring any clear proof!!! There should have been some if we want to see the man fall to his demise. But we don't SEE ANY even while he's being dragged off by those black thingies, it's puzzling. Just him imagining him smiling together with Ai till the very end while also making one very crazy statement. What should I make of this.

I digressed, Here's my raw feelings I felt upon Fatal this time~~wonder if you could relate with me? :)

***

Wow… but it's really amazing…

If what I'm feeling right now is correct, what Fatal is expressing is such an overwhelming emotion…

It's incredibly sad.

How can someone endure such feelings? Honestly, it's better to just die than live with this. Kamiki should have really died, but for some reason, they couldn't, and they just kept on living, saying, "I can't die yet," while doing something. And that's how they went insane.

This is truly an emotion that one cannot live with. It's so tormenting. But I feel like they've been deliberately carrying this emotion for over ten years because if they let it dull, they believed it'd be the same as letting Ai dull out in his heart.

It's like a part of my body falling off… no, it feels like my very center has completely fallen away, and I can feel that.

How can someone have such a strong heart towards another person? But I think I would feel the same way if a precious person of mine passes…

The song expresses that.

Even if what they've done could be unforgivable, this is such a sorrowful emotion, and if it really is what that character felt... I think it actually is.

Suddenly, it comes rushing up, and it's so painful.

Really… losing someone is such a hard thing. It hurts. And what this song is talking about isn't even real. What will I do later? As I live, this is an emotion I inevitably have to experience, and it's suffocating…

This person really couldn't live at all. They love and miss someone so much. What I think how they'd be and feeling they feel are really worlds apart. And I can't even say I'm totally syncing up to the type of feeling someone in that situation may feel and yet, this is so hurtful. Wow, this is such a massively strong feeling.

Haha, when I listen to the song continuously, it does dull out and I just dance along to the beat, but when I tilt my head and reconsider, I see that it's a song filled with those emotions.

I'm so upset. If they had just been a crazy person from the beginning, I wouldn't feel this way. It's really too much. Why did they have to make it this painful and ruin everything of him…? The emotions are so specific and realistic that from the moment I understand the contours of this, my heart hurts. I realized it as soon as I heard it.

That said, while I write my own story, I often create and roll around with the theme of loss, but I still it's too cruel of the writers here to to drive a character to the point where almost nothing is left of their original form. Can it really be like this in reality? Can someone really break this much on their own? In my understanding, if they were that good a person, they wouldn't have naturally turned into this. So it's so strange… I hope there's a point to this and I see it, I hope my hunches are right regarding this aspect.

The emotions are so strong… haha, My condition wasn't that great today...While listening, I thought, "Oh; this is intense." and had to just lie down. It's really cruel!! The types of things this says about a character.

The song is so powerful and fast and exciting, great to do workout with, but this song is so painful. I guess this isn't the only song that's like this though. there are so many songs like this out there, haha...

But really, I get it. When someone dies, you really do feel like something is severed and falls away. It feels like this song is displaying one aspect of it.

The P3R DLC opening also deals with loss, but that one is much more subdued… calm and empty.

Fatal has very intense emotions, while P3R DLC's opening has a self of helplessness and is suffering differently. It's like watching empty streets with fallen leaves and feeling some grief. If it's disappearing, it gives the impression of wanting to melt away and scatter.

This one feels actively heart-wrenching, like digging into your own insides with your hands and feeling that it's falling away. More actively, "I can't live anymore, it's too much. It's hard. I want to die. I want to see you." That's how it feels.

That alone makes my heart feel bad and hurt. If they've made the character like this, then I hope they shed more light on it. It's so pitiful as it is… he's hurting so much, and no one pays attention to it. Even if he's a villain(is he???) how can someone be this lonely and empty. He needs Ai, just a hug would have helped him. That really could have been all he needed. It's what the song is talking about, just a voice, just her seeing him, just her soothing him with her hand,

losing a person forever can be this hard...oh, this is really heartbreaking. He did not deserve it when that happened. He wasn't like this before she passed... he should not have turned out to be this way but the feelings, are very...hurtful and I can see the loss was enormous. I wonder if it's a good thing to have found someone one could love this much, it USUALLY is, but I feel it's been warped so bad; why did this happen. They do have to show it to us because I'm curious, and I think...he does need to be shown his perspective on things before he goes? I think it's something worth being pointed out since I feel like he isn't your usual senseless madman.

[alexologyart]

[WIP] A young Entrapta killing the Last King of the Scorpioni

Is okay to cry for what had been lost, my dear. Tomorrow is a new day, as for today the child you once were had died.

Maybe no the most happy of drawings, but I think is a good one to finish 2023.

Firts of all, I hope you all had a very happy Christmas this year, and I wish an equally Happy New Year!!

This year has been rough for me, I passed my internship with the highest grades in July, and now I am days to finish my thesis finally.

In the past months there has been very little updates from me, no art whatsoever, and I'm ashamed of say, not even commission updates for those who had been due theirs. I apologize profoundly.

At the beginning of 2023 I experienced a back injury that took months to heal, the pain was too much, and still today I feel the reminicent of it. At the same time I've been too exhausted by all the requiriments to finish this big step in my life to become a professional and academic in my field, that I negleted the one thing that brings me the most joy in my life.

I am not good balancing work and life, and this took a toll on me. For the first time in long time, that part of my life that brings joy became a burden, I indentified it as a distraction, and I turned it off completely.

This happened because I'm experiencing a big sense of dread to the prospect of what the future awaits for me, trying to search for summer jobs without avail and feeling disappointed all over, feeling depressed because I feel stuck and not growing as an adult reaching 30, there are a lot of expectations to what I could do after getting my degree, defending my thesis on March will be one of them. And this has taken all my energy and time from creating things I love, to the point I even asked myself what was the point of continuing with it.

Art is one of these things that has been with me for the longest, starting drawing when I learned to hold a pen, even before knowing how to write, but in the past six months, after spending a great time without even sketching, I was afraid I had lost this ability, as my head was on Uni, and my body felt heavy by all the stress I didn't want to even check if I could still draw.

I do, I can still draw, although slowly and always resting. My brain needs to adapt again to what it was after months of not doing so.

Creating this version of Entrapta has been a roller coaster of emotions for me, she helps me to express myself and I love thinking in new ways to draw her, I don't care she is not really an original character, but mostly the deep emotional connection I have with her while writing and drawing her story.

She is strong, she is cunning, she is fierce and intelligent. But even a woman like her has to have moment of vulnerability. And this scene, is a pinpoint moment; killing while losing something of herself, quite literally, not feeling fierce but fragile, in pain, and overwhelmed.

Is something that I have reflected a lot the past months, to realize I am entering a moment in my life I should allow me to feel and not to restrict myself from the things I love, so I will try to take my time facing the situations that scares me and as well trying not to feel overwhelmed and anxious for what is to come.

If you would like to support my artistic journey, you can do so on Patreon and Kofi! I would greatly appreciate it! wish you a Happy New Year!

[magicalbats]

Kinktober Day 19: Feet

Rating: R-18+

Word Count: 4965

Warnings: one instance of gendered language, the rest is gender neutral, foot fetish, foot job, toe licking, some angst for spice, reader is implied to have had a bad/abusive past but nothing is specifically mentioned in that regard

A/N: sorry I got so sidetracked for a minute there efvkefkeke but I'm back to finish these Kinktober prompts at last lol

⭐

You’re halfway through the door, tray of tea and afternoon snacks in hand, when you come to an abrupt, china rattling halt just over the threshold. That you very nearly send scalding hot liquid splashing across the floor doesn’t even seem to register in that moment as you incredulously widen your eyes at the back of Baizhu’s head. You’d expected to find the chair in front of his desk empty and the bed soundly occupied but — a quick, surreptitious glance at the neatly straightened sheets assures you you’re not imagining things, and you had in fact walked in on the exact opposite. 

What was he thinking?

“Doctor?” You call over, soft and politely tentative. 

He doesn’t even have the grace to act surprised at being caught, nor does he turn to look at you, and just keeps writing in the heavy ledger spread open before him without pause. 

“Ah, is it that time already?” He says over his shoulder in that always pleasant tone. “I thought I still had a chance to get a bit more work done before you came back and shackled me to my bed again.” 

“That’s not funny.” You sigh in defeat and shuffle further inside to come up alongside him at the desk. 

Standing there for a moment, you just watch him scribble away, dip his brush in the ink and carefully touch it to paper again before continuing on with nary a sign of interruption in the flowing script. You couldn’t quite make out what it said though — not because his penmanship was bad or anything. It was all clean and precise, and nearly perfectly balanced across the sheet but you didn’t know how to read half of the complicated characters, having never been taught more than a few of them. Baizhu was actively trying to rectify that but, well. You hadn’t quite made it that far yet. 

At last, you draw a pointed breath when he still won’t stop long enough to look up and actually acknowledge you. “What are you doing, doctor? You should be resting. You know that.” 

“Yes, yes, I’m well aware you’re concerned about me overexerting myself and I do appreciate the care.” He chuckles softly, pausing to dip the long handled brush into the inkwell again. “But a tiny bit of inventory isn’t going to kill me, dear. I promise.” 

“Inventory?” You echo him in confusion. “How are you able to do that without looking in the storeroom or what’s stocked in the pharmacy?” 

Finally bringing his head up to offer you a small, gentle smile, Baizhu gestures somewhat vaguely at the room at large. “This is both my home and my livelihood, isn’t it? One would find me quite lacking if I wasn’t even aware of what inventory moves quickly and what lingers for a while. It’s not too difficult to estimate the daily needs of the pharmacy based on my years of previous experience keeping everything running as it should.” 

You were undoubtedly impressed by that, your brows lifting in surprise and something not unlike awe, and yet you still find yourself saying, “But what if something has suddenly changed and your estimates aren’t correct?”

Noising a brief sound of consideration, Baizhu lifts his unoccupied hand to thoughtfully touch the backs of his knuckles to his chin. “Hm, changed in what way? If there was a sudden influx of sick people all suffering from the same symptoms and, therefore, requiring the same kind of medicine, I certainly would have heard about it and could easily make the proper adjustments.” 

“But … I don’t know, what if someone was stealing from you?”

He blinks at that as he slowly glances up at you again. The tiny little smile that pulls at his mouth promptly makes you flush under his ever watchful eye. “Oh? And have you been helping yourself to my herbs, dear girl?” 

“N - no, of course not! I wouldn’t even think to do something like that!”

Chuckling, he serenely turns back to the ledger again. “I know you wouldn’t. I was only teasing you a little bit.” 

Trying not to pout and failing rather miserably at it, you turn your head away from him only to spot Changsheng curled up in a tight coil on the far windowsill, sunning herself in the mid morning sun. Well, at least that explained her suspicious lack of commentary thus far. Stamping down the urge to heave yet another sigh, you shuffle forward to place the tray on the corner of the desk. There wasn’t any use in trying to argue the matter further. Baizhu always had a ready answer on hand no matter what you questioned him about, and his need for bedrest was no different from the inventory in that regard.

“Would you care to sit with me for a while?” 

Your head comes up halfway through the motion of turning to leave, but his attention remains focused on what he’s writing. Perhaps you would have found it a bit off putting if only you were not quite so familiar with the doctor's usual habits and peculiarities. If he was asking you a question like that then it probably meant he was keen on having the company … or perhaps he just missed having Changsheng hanging off his neck. Not that you could exactly crawl on top of him and take her spot or anything but the sentiment was still a nice one, wasn’t it? 

“You wouldn’t find it too distracting to have me hovering around you, doctor?”

“Of course not, dear. Having you around is always such a pleasure.” 

Even the teasing tone in his voice is not enough to keep the smile off your face. Your initial misgivings are long forgotten now as you step behind his chair over to the other side of the desk where you eagerly hop up to perch on the ledge. Laughing under his breath, Baizhu reaches over to briefly dip the brush in ink yet again and then continues on with his work. Content just to be sharing his space with him like this, you watch on for what feels like a lifetime. It was always like that, though. You could have sat with him in complete silence all day and never gotten bored of looking at him. 

But it doesn’t last forever, and your skin tingles warmly when he eventually slides his free hand over to lightly touch yours where it’s braced atop the desk. It’s an idle gesture, one that he doesn’t seem to give much thought considering the way his brush just keeps flicking over the blocky characters without even a moment's pause. If you didn’t know any better you would have almost thought it a subconscious action. Something his fingers felt compelled to do for no other reason than the close proximity of another person. 

You were just as familiar with this part of him as his stubborn refusal to heed the warnings of others, however, so you allow your fingertips to brush over his palm. It was nice being able to share such quiet amity with him, and you suspected he felt much the same way as you did. A simple comfort. 

“There,” He finally sets the brush aside some minutes later with a satisfied exhale. “That should just about do it, I believe. I’ll just have to double check everything is as it should be once I’m allowed back into the pharmacy again.” 

“Doctor Baizhu,” You can’t quite keep the soft inflection out of your voice now. “I already told you those jokes aren’t funny. We’re not holding you hostage or anything like that …” 

His elegant shoulders softly shake as he turns that fond look on you again. “I know you’re not, dear. But the way you and Gui act it’s like you think I’m going to shatter at the first upset though. You know I’m more resilient than that, don’t you?” 

Frowning, you shift your attention down to your lap. Sometimes you weren’t so sure about that … but before you can figure out how to articulate that in a way that wouldn’t make you sound like an anxious mother hen (an ironic role reversal if there ever was one) Baizhu brings his hand up to rest across your knee. He gives it a brief squeeze that makes your pulse quicken, and you find yourself slowly glancing up from under the fall of your lashes. 

“Your heart is very much in the right place and I do appreciate it.” He tells you with perfect sincerity now. “I have no intention of admitting defeat so easily though. There are still many things I need to see to in this world before I can even think about crossing over to the next … teaching you how to read and write is right at the top of that list, for starters.” 

Your cheeks burn in shame and deep felt mortification alike. Baizhu had taken you in off the streets even when every shred of common sense should have dictated that it wasn’t a good idea to do so. Even Changsheng’s initial sass and uncertainty hadn’t been enough to dissuade him from it though, so you knew he wasn’t saying such things from a place of malice or discontent. He seemed to genuinely want the best for you — and that’s why you don’t protest when he runs his hand lower to comfortingly caress over your calf. 

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” He assures you with a gentle pat. “You’ve already made commendable progress in just the short amount of time we’ve been working on it. I’m very proud of you, you know.” 

You squirm, growing increasingly more flustered the more he not only talks but also touches you with that gentle familiarity. “Thank you, doctor. But … I'm just not sure how I can repay you for everything.” 

That wasn’t entirely true. You did have one idea. 

But you were always hesitant to instigate these sorts of encounters with him, mainly because regardless of how many times you went through the motions together Baizhu never sought you out himself. It was always you doing the pursuing, coming on to him and offering up thanks the only way you really knew how. He seemed perfectly willing once things got started so you didn’t necessarily think it was a matter of him not wanting to share the intimacy of a lover with you, but it did make you doubt yourself just a little bit. 

Even now the brush of his fingers on your leg remains innocent and unassuming as if the thought of where else this might otherwise lead had never even crossed his mind and he was perfectly content with simply appreciating the warmth of your skin against his. You weren’t sure if it was a result of him being so used to Changsheng’s near constant presence around his neck that made him this comfortable with casual touching or if he was just like this naturally, but he seemed not to want for anything more than that. Were you possibly overstepping some unspoken boundary when you laid yourself bare at his feet? Was he perhaps too polite and kind to tell you ‘no’ even if he really didn’t want it? 

You truly had no idea. Baizhu was so unlike anyone else you’d ever met that you really couldn’t make sense of him sometimes. The inventory, the way he refused to take care of himself amidst taking care of everyone else, the touching, his insistence that you should know how to read and write … he truly was an enigma. 

“You needn’t worry yourself about unnecessary things like that.” He tells you, and the affectionately gentle tone in his lilting voice just further throws you into turmoil. “I didn’t invite you into my home with the expectation of receiving anything in return so no thanks are necessary. Just keep doing your best every day and I’ll be perfectly content with that.” 

And isn’t that precisely why he deserved to be on the receiving end of such favors? 

Stealing another quick look at the far windowsill, you confirm that Changsheng is still softly snoozing away before shifting on top of the desk to fully face him. Baizhu tips his head in question, looking totally unawares, and it almost gives you pause. It’s a little hard to shake the feeling that perhaps you were the bad guy here, like maybe you were the one taking advantage of him, but … surely that wasn’t the case, right? If he didn’t want it he would have said so, wouldn’t he? 

You feel uncharacteristically shy, almost sheepish as you curl your leg up and brush the ankle against his thigh in clear suggestion. His expression promptly settles into a neutral look of understanding. He doesn’t show any signs of being pleased or excited by it, but he also doesn’t look repulsed by your advances either. Just accepting. Of you, of this — archons, even when he wasn’t teasing you he was still the most difficult and confusing man you’d ever known. 

“This isn’t something you need to do for me. You must know by now that I’ll be perfectly fine without it.” 

Face warming with what you think is probably shame, you nod in understanding. “I do, but … I’d like to make you feel good, if that’s okay.” 

Drawing a stitled breath that makes his narrow shoulders rise and then fall when he lets it out on a slow exhale, Baizhu loosely curls his fingers around your calf. Drags them lower to give your ankle a reassuring squeeze and then further down to nudge off your slipper. It hits the floor with a near silent flop against the hardwood, and then he’s cupping the heel of your foot in his palm. Gently lifting it to chest level, he bends to press a chaste kiss to your toes. 

“You’re very kind to me, dear, but I hope you don’t think I expect such favors from you just for providing you with a roof over your head.” He murmurs, and you give your head a shake this time. 

“That’s not it. I know you don’t. I just want to be able to do something for you in return …” And this was the only thing you knew how to do with any amount of skill. You were neither a scholar nor talented in any trade. You couldn’t read or write. Some days it felt like you struggled just to serve the tea properly. 

But this was something you had plenty of experience in and you liked to think you did it well. That doesn’t exactly disperse the niggling thought in the back of your mind that tells you you’re somehow forcing yourself on the doctor, that you were coercing or forcing him to give in. There’s a certain amount of guilt that comes with this, on your part at least, but you can’t quite seem to find the resolve to stop doing it. 

And Baizhu does give in, though not without an almost sad, barely noticeable softening of his strange burnished gold eyes. Still cradling your foot in his hand, he presses his mouth to the sensitive pad this time to make your toes flex at the ticklish feeling before lowering your leg. You watch him carefully direct it to his lap and a dull thrill races through you when the weight of him through his pants meets the arch. Using both hands now, he takes a moment to just fondle over the extremity and massage his fingers into your skin. An unexpected shudder dances up your spine when he locates a particularly tender spot that seems to bleed some of the tension from your body when he presses on it. 

Of all the things you’d expected to have to do for him this one had been relatively low on your list. Liking feet did not appear to be so strange or unheard of in the grander scheme, but you can’t quite decide how you actually felt about him using only this part of you to get off. Certainly other areas would make him feel even better — your mouth, at least, but he always kept his attention on your feet instead. That embarrasses you a bit too, if you were being honest, but the way he softly sighs in budding arousal stops you from pressing the matter. 

If this was what made him feel good then you would happily give that to him. 

“Your skin has gotten even softer since the last time,” He murmurs, clearly pleased by that. “Those herb scrubs are doing wonders to reverse the damage done before you came here. It really is a shame you had to struggle so much just to survive.” 

“It’s okay, since I don’t have to do those things anymore.” And you intended to keep it that way, no matter the cost or what it took. Baizhu had given you a new life, a new purpose for existing, so of course you would want to repay him. It was only natural, right? 

When he smiles it picks up the edge of sadness you can just make out in his eyes, but his voice remains soft and even toned. “Are you certain about this? I know you always seem eager to please but …” 

“I’m sure. You enjoy it, don’t you?” Pointedly curling your toes to nudge them against the faint bulge under your foot, you keenly observe the way his dark lashes give a slight flutter in response. He stirs underneath you, becoming more pronounced. A little thicker. But still, he doesn’t immediately jump at the chance. 

“I do. More than I’d like to admit, if I’m being honest.” His fingers tracing over the jut of your ankle bone, Baizhu regards you in quiet contemplation for a long moment before drawing a careful breath. “Thank you for having me in this way, dear. I don’t exactly have the time to cultivate many relationships, and taking on a lover seems … ill advised, given my condition. As long as you understand that there is a limit to what I can give you in return, I have no qualms about it.” 

Your stomach sinks. So that was it then, wasn’t it? His hesitancy didn’t stem from a lack of wanting but wary caution when his own mortality always at the forefront of his mind, dictating all of his decisions. What he could do, what he would allow himself to do, how much he would comfortably let another person in. That was the crux. 

Perhaps you should have felt bad about chipping away at his self erected defenses to end up at this point where he was openly admitting it to you, but somehow you just really don’t. 

You feel emboldened, in fact, and you gently rub the pad of your foot over him with a fresh spike of courage searing your veins. Baizhu hums a low sound in response and lets his eyes slip shut for a moment, just basking in the sensation. It was vindicating, in a way. Knowing it wasn’t a problem with you or the burden you’d been carrying when you came to him. The fact he’d held out this long — no doubt wanting to avoid any further exploitation — was a testament to his strength of will, but he was still human. He was still a man with all the hardwired urges and impulses of any other. 

Just as you’d thought, then. You really were the only one who could take care of him in this way. 

Directing your foot a little lower down, you take a moment to gently nudge at and tease the weight of his ballsack between his legs. You can see the growing tent in his pants now, straining up just above your toes. He looses a shuddering breath and slowly rolls his hips forward to grind himself on you. A sense of reluctance still remains, you can see it in the tense set of his shoulders, but that doesn’t quite stop him from acting on it. 

“You’ve already done so much for me, doctor Baizhu.” You whisper into the suddenly static air. “Let me do something for you now.” 

Hissing a low sound of wanting, he tips his face down to watch your foot slide up the now rigid length of his cock. A glossy strand of hair slips forward to hang over his shoulder, matching the crystal bauble that dangles off his glasses. It swings softly at the motion, drawing your attention to it for a brief stretch, but his attention remains locked on what you’re doing in his lap. You can tell he wants to, so you reach up a little higher to toe at the sash around his waist. 

“Untie this for me?” 

Baizhu hesitates only for as long as it takes you to blink, and then he’s stiffly bringing his hands up to tug at the knot. It comes loose with a near silent slither, not unlike one that Changsheng would make, and you dart your eyes up to make sure she was still where you’d last seen her. It didn’t look like she’d so much as moved since you’d entered the room some time ago though. Hopefully she really was fast asleep over there in the warm sun or she at least had the sense to keep pretending to be. The doctor wasn’t afforded many opportunities like this, and you knew he’d put an end to it immediately if she alerted him. 

But for now at least, he makes quick work of getting his soft pants pushed down enough to allow his cock to spring up between the two of you. A hot pulse of wanting spears through you at the sight, your desire to do more with it than simply rub your feet on it almost overpowering your higher functioning mind. But you pointedly stay on track, and lift your leg to press that stiff length against his flat stomach. Using this to brace against, you start to rub the pad of your foot up and down, up and down the silky underside of him. 

Moaning very softly, Baizhu leans back in his chair to watch as if in transfixed silence. The light blanket he had resting over his shoulders fans out slightly with the shift, and you dare to scoot a little further over on the desk so that you’re sitting almost directly in front of him now. The soft rustle of movement settles back into silence again, interspersed only by the occasional chirp of a bird outside the window or the distant sounds of city life beyond. Lifting your eyes, you look Baizhu in the face. 

To your surprise, he’s looking back at you. 

“Thank you.” Is all he says, and the hushed tone of arousal in those two simple words makes your blood boil. Oh, how you wanted him to be yours so badly. 

“You needn’t thank me, doctor.” You murmur as you fan your toes out over the head of his cock and knead them down into the glans. It makes his chest hitch, his golden gaze taking on a far away, almost dreamy quality. 

Quickly, you bring your other foot up and snatch the slipper off that one too. You don’t even register the sound of it hitting the floor as you press in on the base to massage both ends of him at the same time. A faltering groan slips out of delicately parted lips, and he tips his head back to sigh up at the ceiling in appreciation. 

It’s a bit awkward like this, but you soon find a steady rhythm that has your feet moving over him in tandem while he sedately rolls his hips forward to fuck himself on the pads, arches and toes. Just as every other time it’s escalated to this, Baizhu shows no visible signs of uncertainty now and, in fact, he’s actually quite open about how much he’s enjoying it. You can see the deep rise and fall of his chest gradually become more pronounced, the muscles in his stomach flexing tight with each slow motion grind against your feet. He’s beautiful like this. Even more so than he usually is, and you idly wonder if he would allow himself to express his pleasure more vocally if it was just the two of you. No employees or snakes, or zombie children to potentially alert and interrupt the moment. 

Maybe if you did well enough he would let you find out some day. 

“Are you sure this is enough?” You finally venture to ask when his straining cock pulses eagerly under your toes. It was no exaggeration to say that you would have given him anything he wanted, no matter how strange or demeaning it may have been, but he only gives his head a distracted shake. 

“Yes, dear, just like this is fine. More than fine, actually.” Drawing a shuddering breath, Baizhu brings his attention back down as he lifts a hand up to grasp your topmost foot. He takes a moment to covetously squeeze it, feeling along the skin before carefully guiding it towards his chest once again. “I don’t think I’m in any position to ask for more anyway, but this is plenty. I’m afraid I can’t seem to get enough of these cute toes of yours as it is.” 

Your heart stutters a beat when he bends his head over your captured limb and instead of leaving it at just the kiss he reverently presses into the toes, he opens his mouth to lick over the thin layer of skin as well. The sensation makes you jolt, especially when he drags his tongue between the first two digits to attack the sensitive webbing inside. You seethe and try very hard not to yank your foot away when it tickles almost enough to make you squeal. Baizhu doesn’t appear all that concerned about it though, and he merely peers up at you from over the rim of his glasses. Watching your reaction, or perhaps gauging how much you could take before you couldn’t reasonably keep your voice in check any longer. Either way, he’d never taken it quite this far before and you had no idea what to make of it. 

Not the fact he was doing it at all or the startling revelation that comes with it. You hadn’t expected the space between your toes to be this sensitive, and you shudder despite yourself. 

“D - doctor …!” 

He lets out a low sound of pleasure, warm breath puffing against damp skin as he reaches over with the opposite hand to grasp the foot still keeping his cock pinned. Fondling over it, he maintains his eye contact with you when he swipes his tongue between your toes a second time, and you really do almost recoil. You’d never felt anything quite like it before. Soft and warm, and squishy, and you really weren’t sure how you felt about it wriggling over your toes like that. 

Pulling in a quiet gasp, you clutch the edge of the desk in a death grip while he grinds his throbbing cock against one foot and licks at the other. His breathing was quickly turning ragged, his cheeks a little flushed. It makes your head spin to see him like that, but somehow the borderline ticklish sensation of his tongue almost manages to distract you from it. 

If he ever put his mouth on the spot between your legs like that … 

“Ohh, goodness,” Panting, Baizhu hunches forward over your legs with a full bodied shudder. The motion of his hips falters for a split second and then morphs into something a bit more urgent. More needy. His cock stiffly works back and forth, back and forth across the soft arch of your foot, along the pad and up to nudge your toes before dragging back down again. 

It’s not hard to imagine him rutting inside your body this way, and it pulls a low moan from the back of your throat. The sound seems to tip him over the edge and, brows knitting in deeply felt pleasure, he presses his mouth firm against the bottom of the foot he’s still clasping, hissing against the skin. His sputtering length gives a muted twitch. You can feel the dull, subsequent contractions that follow as it pumps out a thin jet of creamy fluid to coat your extremity, and then another. He goes still with one final spurt, issuing a frazzled, sensitive moan that quietly trails off into nothing. 

The resounding silence is almost too much for you to bear. 

“I’m sorry,” He wheezes at length, once he’s calmed his breathing down some. “I seem to have made quite a mess.”

“It’s alright.” Trying to keep your voice pleasantly even, you curl your toes down into the softening cock to lightly massage it. “As long as you feel good that’s all that matters. I’m just glad I can do something for you …” 

Releasing a stilted exhale, he gingerly straightens up in his chair. You don’t miss the vague grimace that crosses his lovely face when he sees the sticky evidence of your illicit activities, and Baizhu softly tuts as he reaches into a pocket to withdraw a dainty handkerchief. He uses it to wipe up the clumpy mess with another soft word of apology, his hands gentle where they touch. Looking at him like that, bent over your feet and sincerely apologizing for something you’d talked him into doing, you once again find yourself being hit with a strange sense of guilt. It was only natural to want to thank him with such favors … wasn’t it? 

So then why did you feel like you’d done something wrong?

⭐

Crossposted: here

[kaeyachi]

Hey not going to lie, it's kinda reductive and insulting to say that signora would have healed from her traumas if she had a kid, even an adopted one. It falls into the idea that women are incomplete until they have and raise children, which reduces women into babymills at worst and biologically mandated to rear children at best. I know this is a fictional character, but real-world women are told time and time again that having kids will fix their problems, be it personal issues, relationship issues, or mental issues. Please have some sensitivity surrounding perpetuating bioessentialist concepts.

Right. Long response. Read the full thing if you guys can handle my opinion on this matter.

First off, anon, please be careful with your words. I understand your concerns, but your message enraged and hurt me unnecessarily when I saw this, especially with what I am still going thru with my personal life. Also, please know that my HC was not meant to be harmful in any way, shape, or form to IRL people. I usually ignore disagreements because people are entitled to their own opinion, but I felt the need to defend myself this time from you specifically. I will not be doing this again.

Kindly check the post thoroughly please. I mentioned it would make her "somewhat healed," not make her fully recover from her issues. There is clearly no such thing as a complete healing from trauma. There is no miracle cure involved at all. I'm not even saying Signora would turn 100% good after adopting a child. She could still demand the downfall of everything around her while having a child to care for. A child is not, and never will be, a fix-all. I do not subscribe to such a thought.

Additionally, I am fully aware of this problematic mindset against women. I am an AFAB southeast asian with a family pestering me to get married and produce whilst I continue to hide in my aroace closet, fearing the thought. At most, I have told my family that I do not need a child to feel fulfillment. This has led me to so many arguments throughout the years, so seeing your message was honestly like a punch to the face.

To demand sensitivity from me would have been fine had my goal been to say that women should be treated like cattle and/or caretakers, but in this specific topic, I think people should be allowed to yearn and heal thanks to children that come into their lives. Kaeya himself is a person under this trope with him admitting that Klee's innocent outlook on life helped him. Several other genshin characters also have experienced this specific trope. This trope does not imply that a child fixed their lives or that they are now reduced to caretakers. That being said, I think it is my turn to demand some self-awareness from you and to everyone else out there.

A fictional character is a thought- an idea- and does not have the same autonomy as a living being, so a headcanon for one SHOULD NOT harm those who do not want children or be treated as a baby machine or a nanny! I sure do hope that people here are capable of separating fiction from reality. With this mindset, people should also refrain from making headcanons like "this character is trans!" or "this character is clearly gay!" because these are harmful assumptions IRL too.

Additionally, to bring back the actual cause of your message- I actually read a voiceline that made me think Signora could POTENTIALLY benefit from adopting a child. This is where the idea came from:

Anon, if you, anyone else for that matter, are not happy with my response, kindly block me. I do not wish to see any response over this topic again. I am drawing the line right here and right now.

[chirpsythismorning]

Crack Theory: Will Byers is Twelve (012) - Part 3

I seriously meant it when I said things are about to get even more interesting. You're not ready.

I didn't notice this until literally today (so if it's a well known concept already, my apologizes!).

For those like me who didn't know about this, essentially we got two different versions of the opening to the Massacre at Hawkins Lab. The 4x01 version, and the 4x07 version.

They're almost identical, both one long take, but still with slight differences, especially in how they end. It's now clear to me that these are two entirely different takes. And so what purpose does that serve exactly?

I'm guessing they did this in large part to convey how El now has a more clear memory of that day, compared to at the start of the season.

But upon rewatching the 4x07 version, and specifically in the context of this Twelve theory, I'm shook.

4x07: The Massacre at Hawkins Lab (cont.)

Does this series of images... remind you of anything?

ANYWAYS

THERE HE IS ON THE LEFT!

Oh nvm he's gone.

WAIT THERE HE IS AGAIN!

It's confirmed!?!! Twelve (Will) sat next to Eleven (El)!?!?! It's just that the story wasn't willing to reveal this in the beginning....

And there he is again, just on the edge of the frame, to the right, coloring away...

Then, Brenner takes Ten out of the Rainbow room, and suddenly this moment that was framed as important in the s4 opener, is now being looked at from a more important perspective: El's.

El then follows through with the plan, in hopes it will bring back her memory...

The last time we see Twelve, he's still sitting at the desk drawing.

I will say before getting into what's about to happen, that this sequence is pretty haphazard at times. Like s3 ending w/the goodbye hugs level haphazard. What I'm saying is, there's visible shots during this sequence, where you can tell the blocking of the characters doesn't match up exactly with where they were in the previous shot/where they were probably intended to be for that shot.

However, I think it's helpful to think about how these are very young actors in this scene, and a scene that is extremely sensitive/serious at that. I wouldn't want children (or even adults) to have to work ungodly amounts of hours, redoing a take over and over because it wasn't perfect, nor would I expect them to do reshoots just because one or two shots doesn't match perfectly with what they intended continuity-wise. That just happens occasionally in film, and the only people with perfect continuity, I imagine are a pain in the ass to work with...

However, I think there is one specific detail that makes me slightly open to humoring this theory.

Because I will admit, I myself am skeptical for an abundance of reasons. There is still a lot that would need to be addressed in s5 if Will was indeed Twelve this whole time. Like a lot of explaining. Though, now looking back at past seasons, there is an interesting new angle to think about it with all of this in mind (that's a different post for a different day).

Still, one of the main arguments, that debunks this whole theory, is that presumably, all of the kids died that day, except for El. Right?

And so how the hell would Twelve (Will) have survived?

Well, that one specific detail I was just referring to, is the framing of Twelve in s4, and specifically in relation to El.

As you've seen so far, Twelve is either very much in focus more than the others, practically front and center, or he's lingering in the background of shots that are really odd for him to be in, or he is left out of the sequences almost entirely, while everyone else is shown. It is so. weird.!

And the ending of the massacre follows that same formula.

As El runs into the Rainbow room, the first place she looks is in the direction where she was just sitting before she left, which we now know happens to be where Twelve was as well (last time we saw him).

However, we do not get to see what El saw in this exact moment. Instead, the camera continues to focus on El as her eyes scan the room from left to right.

Once she looks down to her right, we finally get to see what she sees (I'm not going to post these shots for obvious reasons).

And so basically....

I think Twelve is under the mirror/window, roughly the same area where Twelve was when she left the Rainbow room...

The first time we get closer to seeing someone possibly under the mirror/window, they don't allow us to. It's as if they are panning over it, high enough so that test subject is out of view.

But then, we see a pair of feet on the floor to the left, below the mirror/window, along with a very prominent bloody hand print.

Take note of that handprint and those feet because I think it could be important...

SHIT there it is again!

And again, this time slightly between Henry and El, but more so closer to Henry.

God. I feel like any moment know, dramatic irony is gonna kick in and we're somehow gonna get something that makes us think of Will...

IM SO SORRY

Part 4 coming soon!

Part 1, 2, 3, 4

[lady-shadow-and-darkness]

The constant need to compete with others is exhausting. I get a beautiful fic idea, I desperately want to write it, but I stop myself. "You already haven't finished 4 of your projects, why bother with another one before you finish them?", I look at others and see that they have several fics and a regular update schedule. "They must be bad writers, then." And some of them are, but some of them aren't. I don't know why I feel this way, the need to scrutinize their works and determine their value to reassure myself that I'm fine and just average and not a horrible mockery of a writer.

I look at my grades and hear the surprised "congratulations!" From my dad, and when I asked why it was surprised, he told me he expected an 80%, and 91 was more than good for my circumstances. I've never gotten anything less than it. I scoffed, saying there are several others who managed to score more, much more, and this was a worthless pathetic attempt. I don't bring myself to bother anymore, I can't, but the words are automatic, hard wired.

I see something I want to draw, then stop myself, because why bother trying? There are people already much better than me and they'll continue to be there while I scrape away at the floors of achievement in a craft. I can't even stay up once I get home from school, let alone do anything worthwhile. "I'm sick." I use as an excuse, but am I really? Because there are people who are better than me at that too, and yet somehow still I fail.

And somehow, the cherry on top always seems to be when people around me mention their mental disorder or disability. For some reason, I only manage to surround myself with those types, and while they are lovely, far lovelier than the masked devils who claim to be normal, each time they mention it I'm left at a loss for words, because I don't have that excuse. We were talking about the same struggle, and they have a reason, I don't. I'm just being stupid.

"teenage hormones", on a purely logical basis, yes. But the cause being teenage hormonal fluctuations doesn't make it any less real. I'd say, "I want to kill myself.", but if course, again, there will be someone better at it than me. I got fucking lectured by someone on a suicidal character's personality because they had firsthand experience, and therefore their claim must be true. I don't have the energy or the time to argue with idiots, but the problem is, these days, I don't have the time or energy to argue at all. My parents seem to disagree, seemingly never running out of topics to argue over while I turn my volume to the highest and pray that it'll block it out, block out all out, and for once I'll have a good year at school instead of one that ended in heartbreak of some kind.

And of course, in the end, no one takes me seriously because I'm younger than them. Because of the aforementioned teenage hormones? Perhaps. Maybe it's the condescension. Or maybe it's the notion that they struggle more than me. It's probably true, anyway.

But if the world will never accept the struggles and difficulties of its children, then it has no right to question why they grow up to be stone cold adults.