#What irks Batman?

[pinkiemachine]

Follow up Random Question™️ : What irks Bruce the most? What are his pet peeves? What are some things he just doesn’t like? Fanon or canon.

What makes him twitch?

[dukeofthomas]

I need people to realize how horrible 'stalking/constant surveillance/breaking into each other's homes is how the Batfamily show love' is. Like i really need someone to just acknowledge how horrific saying this bullshit is.

Like even fics where they're shown as happy and healthy and with good ties, you've always got this thing where none of them have privacy or any boundaries with each other. Which is directly antithetical to actually having good relationships. And this invasion via hacking and stalking and breaking into homes is portrayed as a positive, good thing; it's just how they show love and care to each other, after all. But for some reason I just personally don't find stalking, lack of privacy or boundaries, and emotional manipulation funny, endearing, or healthy, and just end up disgusted at the attempt to sweep it all under the rug.

[noisetwister]

i wanna show this to the guys who rigged the phone poll

[queeniewithabeanie]

The Psychic (kinda, not really)

Dpxdc Prompt #4

holy shit i am so fucked right now

That's all that was on Duke Thomas's mind as he stood in the middle one of Bruce Wayne's (Batman! because apparently the butts do match) ball rooms, ready to be the entertainment for a gala.

how did my life ever come to this point?

At least he had an answer to that question. What do you get when you throw Danny Fenton and Duke Thomas together? An accurate psychic team that can bullshit their way into making enough money to keep themselves off the streets.

Honestly they hadn't really planned for it, but they made a pretty accurate psychic team. Danny could go invisible and intangible which was very helpful in gathering information about clients. He could talk to ghosts as well and if they weren't you know trying to attack him on sight (which was apparently a thing? that ghosts did to Danny?) they were pretty good sources of info. Finally, he new how to do all the generic psychic things like palm reading, tarot cards, tea leaves, ect.

"My friend Sam taught me!" he said, when they were realizing this plan could actually maybe work. "She never believed in it, i didn't, still don't, believe in it either but it could be useful if we actually decide to do it."

If Danny was the one with all the psychic knowledge where does Duke come in you may ask?

Danny couldn't tell a lie to save his life and couldn't get through a palm reading without bursting into laughter because of how crazy it sounded. Duke had a good poker face, learned quickly to lie on the street, and most importantly could see Danny when he was invisible thanks to his own meta ability.

They bought a tent, a deck of tarot cards, a cheap crystal ball (that was really just plastic), and some psychic-ish robes that were warm enough to double as blankets.

And so Danny and Duke started their farce, telling people scarily accurate visions and advice. They started getting invited to more events, high society ones at that, to serve as entertainment. They paid well (no matter how much the condescending nature of everyone attending irked Duke to no end) and everything was great.

They got an apartment, could actually eat 3 meals a day, and had a steady source of work.

Then Duke told someone who murdered their wife and the Bats were interested in him.

Duke and Danny, of course, didn't know this at the time so when they got invited to a gala at Bruce Wayne's (the richest man in Gotham) manor they accepted without a thought.

And then when Danny was scoping out the place after they arrived he found the Batcave because Bruce Wayne was Batman and invited Duke soley to investigate him.

Man did he wish that he could turn invisible like Danny. Maybe then Batman's piercing stare would go through him instead of straight at him.

[wonderjanga]

I May be a Kid but I’m not a Kid Kid.

When Billy’s secret identity was revealed, he started getting treated like a little kid. It really annoys him whenever these guys try to baby him.

Supes: “Billy, uhm… we were wondering if you would like to be moved to the Teen Titans.”

Marvel: “What…?” *sounds absolutely horrified at the thought of that* “Why?”

Supes: “You’d around kids your age.”

Marvel: *stares and blinks rapidly* “Are you saying you’re gonna demote me to the Teen Titans of all things? No offense.”

Supes: “Billy, it’s not a demotion.”

Marvel: “But it is. I’ve been on this team for what? Four years- almost five. You guys are acting like my age automatically means I can’t be a good hero anymore.”

Supes: “We’re not saying that. We just think it’d be good if you were on a team of heroes around your age.”

Marvel: “But you are. You’re literally all but saying it. I like those kids but not enough to want to be on a team with them.” *doesn’t know if he’d like listening to Robin’s condescension in more than small doses* “I prefer you guys. We’re still friends, aren’t we?”

Supes: “Of course!” *happy Billy is still somewhat comfortable around them*

Marvel: “Good.” *smiles* “Besides, I do hang out with kids around my age. Mary and I are the same age while Junior’s a year older than us.”

Supes: “He’s the oldest?”

This conversation got them to back off about kicking him off the team. That didn’t stop them from poking their stupid adult noses into other parts of Billy’s heroics though.

Marvel: *helping someone at like 2am because he patrols as much as he can*

Supes: “Captain! Whatcha doing up this late, champ?”

Marvel: *makes a face that being called champ, but doesn’t say anything about it* “Uh… patrolling? *finishes helping the person*

Supes: “Patrolling? It’s a little late- er early for that. Isn’t it?”

Marvel: “I guess…? I still have a couple more hours.”

Supes: “Shouldn’t you be turning in earlier?”

Marvel: “No…?”

Supes: “Aren’t you tired though? Kids need plenty of sleep.”

Marvel: *a little irked at being called a kid but brushes it off* “Stamina of Atlas, remember?”

Supes: “Oh.” *silence* “Well, maybe you could still turn in earlier?”

Marvel: *looks around for any hidden cameras* “No.”

Supes: “Oh okay…” *doesn’t really want to seem controlling so he just sulks while flying back to Metropolis*

Don’t worry, Superman trying to give him a curfew isn’t the only thing a nosy adult tried to do.

Marvel: “Mr. Batman Sir? Are the new long term mission signs up sheets out yet?”

Batman: “Ah, yes.” *hands him the sign up tablet* “There are three new ones.”

Marvel: “Great! Any potential overlaps?”

Batman: “Only these two.” *points to two missions*

Marvel: “How long would these two last?” *points to one of the overlapping missions and the one that doesn’t overlap*

Batman: “Together would be about a month and a half or longer.”

Marvel: “Cool.” *is about to sign up for them*

Batman: *remembers school exists* “And school?”

Marvel: *pauses so he can look at Bruce confused* “What about it?”

Batman: “If you sign up for these, you’ll miss at least a month or two. You’d be stuck catching up.”

Marvel: *laughs* “You say that if I actually go to school.”

Batman: “You don’t?”

Marvel: “No.”

Batman: “I see.” *takes the tablet away before Billy can sign* “Well, you’ll go now then.”

Marvel: *thinks he’s joking* “What?”

Batman: “I’ll enroll you in a school in Fawcett.”

Marvel: *stares for a solid minute* “Mr. Batman Sir, you’re not sending me to school.”

Batman: “Yes, I am. William-”

Marvel: “Don’t call me that.”

Batman: *sighs* “Billy, education is important. You shouldn’t put it off for heroics. Even Robin goes to school.”

Marvel: “Okay? I’m not a Robin though. And that only works because you guys patrol at night. If I go to school I’ll miss my day-patrol.”

Batman: “I’m sure there are plenty of other heroes in Fawcett who patrol during the day. Why not leave it to one of them?”

Marvel: “Because I don’t want to. I like saving people. The more heroes who are out in Fawcett, the less likely somebody might get glossed over and hurt because a hero wasn’t there in time to save them. I don’t wanna be the person that failed them just because I was busy with school or because I went to bed early… I say that last part because no matter what Supes thinks, he’s not subtle about wanting me to have a darn curfew.”

Batman: *stares in silence because he now feels a little bad and also empathizes with that “what if I’m not there mentality*

Marvel: *thinks that silence is Bruce still not understanding him* “Look, if you still don’t get what I’m trying to say, imagine if someone came into Gotham and tried pushing you out of the superhero business just because they thought you unfit to be hero. That’s how I feel in this situation. I don’t tell you guys how to your jobs, so why are you trying to tell me?” *reaches over to grab the tablet a sign up for the two missions he wanted to take*

Yeah… Batman started treating him normally after that. Supes also did because his superhearing caught the convo.

Then, there’s his relationship with Flash and GL. They’d taken to treating him like a little kid or nephew even though Billy doesn’t want that.

Marvel: “Could you guys uh- stop treating me like a kid?” *sounds disappointed them*

Flash: *somehow still feels dread at the disappointment even though, NO, this guy is younger than him, why does Barry still feel like he disappointed his dad?* “You are a kid though.”

Marvel: “Yeah, I know, but you didn’t used to do this before.”

GL: *also dislikes that he’s bothered by the Dad Disappointment™️ radiating off of Marvel* “That was before we knew you were a kid though.”

Marvel: “Yeah, well I don’t care. I don’t need you to act like this. I don’t want you to act like this. I want friends, not chaperones or parental figures or anything stupid like that. I don’t like that you’re treating me differently now.” *sounds bitter* “You guys seem to forget that I’ve been doing this since before most of you were even, excuse my language, sperm cells. And sure, there was suspendium, but I fought Nazis, commies, and my own villains on top of that, all without being treated like a defenseless little kid and I ended up just fine. So I don’t need any of you acting like I’m a stupid little baby.”

That shut them up. It didn’t make any of the relationships between Billy and them go back to normal though. Not completely anyways. At least it was somewhat better though.

By the way, Billy, throughout all of this, just sounds bitter about being treated like this. He misses his friends guys :(.

[bubsmiraculousau]

These are my OT5 brainstorm pages. Elaborations on how I got to these below! I reference concept pages so if you see any pictures you don't recognize that's why. <3

First up is Cat Noir who I think is already perfect lmao. For my version though I wanted to lean closer to his PV design because I love it, like his larger triangle nose (you can't really see it at the angle in my drawing but it's there I swear!), the bigger bell, the more elaborate belt, etc.... so basically everything ... just in my style instead.

With my designs I think that whenever someone transforms into their miraculous persona it's based on what they think a hero looks like or what they think is cool. I think Adrien reads a lot of comic books and is a fan of characters like Batman (relatable for him LOL), Catwoman, and Nightwing, so his suit reflects that kind of vibe.

Extra: I decided that Ladybug and Cat Noir's masks go all the way up their foreheads because it looks nicer in my 2D style with their bangs haha.

Next up is the one and only Ladybug! Unpopular opinion but I actually like the all red suit! My hypothetical series would be a webcomic, and I feel like in action scenes the red differentiates her from Cat Noir esp at a distance, and more red style keeps their color ratios even.

I like the ladybug designs with a bunch of black sections they're very cute! Just not for my au. (I think it's just me but I find drawing the ladybug designs with inverted red dots to feel sacrilegious in a way,,, just my neurodivergent brain lol)

And I am a long ribbons truther, I love them and they can be very expressive. Also I knew I wanted Marinette to have a more vertical circular eye shape because her shape vibe is definitely a circle (Adrien's is triangle) and it reminded me of the eyes for the main girl in princess jellyfish (I've never seen it, love the style tho)

Her hair is a more bright blue to contrast her hair against her suit, and make her look more cartoonish. I imagine her idea of a superhero comes from kids shows and some magical girl anime. So her hair has a plastic shiny texture to it because when she thinks 'superhero' she thinks of kids toys. Also I just like color! The blue kinda gives comic spiderman vibes imo (the version with the light blue instead of the navy)

Queen Bee definitely changed the most throughout the design process. I really like her in-show design so I just tweaked it to be more my vibe. Adding a crown because she's a Queen.

Something that I've noticed is that Alya and Chloe actually share a lot of traits (There's even some old concept notes where I believe Alya and Chloe either switch names or roles at some point?? The miraculous concept info rabbit hole is real y'all) and I think this comes through in their final designs.

Like they both share a middle part, which bothers me for some reason, so I decided to give Chloe a little Ariana Grande side part into a ponytail.

I wanted each character to have a cool little piece on their costume, so I tried these little hip things to make her more commanding and girlboss, but currently her weapon is similar to ladybug's (but more like one of those hair ties w the little disco balls on them) and it would sit on her hip and would clash w her hip thingies, so I just decided to make her weapon the hip things instead, combining the two.

Something else that bothered me a lot was that Rena was the only one with white on her costume. Everyone has black but she's the only one with white... my brain says that this cannot be. So I tried to give Bee some fun white fuzzy bits but the texture just was too different...

And then I had the mega-brain idea to make her hair white to tie in the white from Rena. Her and Cat Noir both having blonde hair irked me as well LOL so this hit two birds with one stone. I wanted her hair to be sharper and more aggressively drill shaped because of her abrasive personality haha.

After that, is Carapace. I had an idea for him from the start because I felt like his in-show design just doesn't match his personality... I couldn't make his outfit all loose because I wanted to stick generally to the miraculous suit formula, but I feel like 'skin tight suit' just isn't his vibe. So he has a kind of hammer pants situation.

I think they capture Carapace's b-boy ninja turtle vibe while still looking like a miraculous outfit. Though I decided later that I wanted the pants to be a lighter color for contrast and the visor to be white (to tie in that Rena Rouge white).

Lastly is Miss Rena! Something that bothered me (back on the similarities to Chloe) was that they both have ponytails (yes I know I'm crazy). Even though they have very different textures I just wanted each of them to be distinct from each other. So I put her hair down and just dramatized her regular hairstyle.

Also her and Queen Bee both have black gloves to their upper arms, which, you guessed it, bothered me. So I shortened Rena's to just reach her elbow.

I wanted her to look like a magic-man, her illusion powers evoke a showmanship energy to me. I imagine her and Cat Noir are quite the dramatic theater kid-esque duo.

So, for drama I tried some flowy arm bits, which I think ended up just looking a little strange, so I'll pocket that idea for something else. Then, I tried to add her coattail from the show, but it ended up looking a little frumpy, not the drama I wanted.

I ended up making her coat more triangular in the front, to give off the vibe of a magician's vest, and changed it to solider red/orange double coattails, which I think makes her more magic-man-ish. And I think the white ends made it too busy.

So those are my hero designs! I'm still working out Hawkmoth and Mayura, esp Hawkmoth because I am not good at drawing masculine older men...

If y'all want LESS of the artistic process let a girl know lol! I know some ppl like it but this is very long,,, all my drawings will not have text this long! thx for reading if you did tho xx

[nubsoftherat]

OH. OH. I DIDN'T TELL MY ADORING FANS.

Update on Nubs' Falsettos hunt

I spent fucking AGES trying to find physical copies of the scripts for reasonable prices.

Did you know that Amazon is charging $1500 USD for a hardcover of The Marvin Songs?

I couldn't find this script anywhere in person, including the modern addition. Though what really irked me, was being unable to purchase the original editions of the scripts for less than $90 USD.

Thing is, I went to a small theater festival recently

And they were selling scripts. $5 USD for 10.

So I got to digging (along with help).

And Holy Luck, Batman!

The hardcover The Marvin Songs... Was in the lot.

I am now the esteemed owner of The Marvin Songs: Falsettoland, March Of The Falsettos, and In Trousers.

William Finn, behold, my heart is full, and my tears are plenty.

[moonlit-imagines]

Took a Bullet

Jason Todd x reader

warnings: GUNS BLOOD WEAPONS INJURY

a/n: AYO ANON I LIED I STILL HAD MORE FROM YOU YAAYYYYY!!! i sowwy it is a little short

prompt: anon 🥀: “I've been in a jason todd mood as of lately (I'm literally so obsessed with him) and wanted to request a jason one-shot where it's a sort of enemies/ rivals-to-lovers type of dynamic where reader is another anti-hero who always ends up beating jason to jobs/ stealing his thunder by taking out whatever baddie he was after before he could do it? And then one time they have to work together to take down a criminal and reader gets severely injured (not fatally) so jason gets all protective. Then jason takes reader back to his safe house and patches them up, scolding them for making such a reckless move, which gets them talking and a confession ensues.”

“Well, what do you want to do?” Red Hood sarcastically asked you after you shot down his last four battle plans for taking out a heavy weapons deal that would be taking place in under two hours.

“Anything that doesn’t guarantee our deaths, Red Hood.” You remarked, slamming your gun on the table. “I need a break from this.” You stood up and headed for the door for a moment of fresh air—Gotham fresh air.

“We don’t get breaks, y/n, this is happening tonight. It’s now or never so get on the same page.” He argued as you slammed the door behind you, rolling your eyes at his arrogance. The sun was setting, you were losing time—and you felt you were better off on your own. But he just wouldn’t leave you alone, had to have a hand in this takedown. Maybe because you were always one step ahead of him, he had to be apart of this one.

Jason worked hard, but you seemed to work harder with the way you handled your jobs. You got information first, you were there first, you did it on your own. He never understood how he was coming in second but he didn’t feel like he was doing enough, so when he caught wind of your operation he had to have a hand in it to make up the difference—only you couldn’t stand the way he did things.

You took a deep breath and walked back inside, seeing Jason scribbling on the board his new plan. “Is this better for you?” He crossed his arms as your eyes darted across a board of people, places, paraphernalia and more.

“Hang on.” You took the marker from him and altered it hastily, just for show because you knew it’d irk him. “This I can do.”

“Thank God.” He grabbed your gun off the table by the muzzle and handed it to you. “Can we go now?”

—————

Things did not go as planned. You insisted it was of no fault of your own but that was up for debate, especially since you chose to dive in front of a bullet to prevent Red Hood from taking a hit. That wasn’t the story you were sticking with, though.

“I wasn’t the one who dropped my knife, Hood!” You argued as he drove the getaway car. He could barely hear your yelling over the overworked engine revving and the barrage of bullets coming your way. You rushed to tie off your wound—a gunshot to your leg—as he sped away. “Can you drive a little less insane so I can fix this?!”

“Working on preventing you from getting shot again, if you hadn’t noticed. And I dropped the knife because you hit me, thank you very much.” He took a hard left turn and another right, trying to lose the pursuit to get you back to his safehouse.

“Yeah, because you wouldn’t shut the hell up about Batman and I was trying to concentrate.” You retorted, wincing in pain at each turn as you braced yourself for the force. “I thought you were a professional who, at the very least, could hold onto his weapon what he gets tapped in the arm. I guess that’s why I’m always a step ahead, huh?” Jason made another rough turn and you groaned in pain. “Come on! We lost them, you can stop with the reckless driving.”

“If you say so,” Jason shrugged, finally starting to drive in the right direction and looking over to you, noticing a second bloodstain on your arm, “did you get shot again?” He asked in disbelief, oddly calm.

“Yep.” You stared ahead and ignored his gaze. “You can go a little faster. I’d like to get this taken care of.” He pressed the gas pedal and arrived back at base, helping you up the stairs due to your first injury. You cursed under your breath the whole time with no end in sight. “Your fault you can’t pay attention, you goddamn…goddamn…can you just, ugh, do something?”

“Yeah, I’m trying to get you to the gurney so I can fix the mistake you made.” He sassed back.

“You were going to take this one to the chest, so I’d be thanking me if I were you.” You argued back as you were laid on the gurney within your base.

“I wear kevlar, thank you very much.” Jason replied, rummaging through first aid.

“Not on your shoulders. Would have gone straight through and probably hit your heart.” You poked him as hard as you could on his shoulder with your good arm—you know, the one without the bullet hole. Jason scoffed and cut your pantleg off without asking. You groaned at the pressure and decided to quit complaining since he had the tweezers in hand. “No, the bullet went through in my leg. Not my arm, though.” He nodded and instead went for the needle to stitch your thigh.

“That hurt?” He asked.

“Yeah, it hurts. Are you kidding?” You snapped and he shook his head, finishing the first set of stitches and moving to the back of your leg. A more sensitive spot, you tried to hide the twitches and winces of pain from him. And finally, he got to your arm, where he’d had to reach in to get the bullet.

“Just squeeze my shoulder, it’ll only hurt a little.” He fixed his mask settings to seek the bullet and slowly went in with a long pair of tweezers, the pain was worse with the bullet coming out than going in. You grabbed his arm so hard you could have punctured it with your bare hands, regretting your decision to save his ass as you cursed about a dozen more times. “You know, taking that bullet was a terrible idea.”

“You’re alive, aren’t you?” You huffed, growing more agitated as the needle entered your skin again. “Why can’t you be more grateful?��

“Because you could have died.” He took his mask off and looked you in the eyes. “And I couldn’t have lived with that.”

“And you think I could have? If you died, I’d have felt the same way.” You explained to him, tears welling just barely enough to notice. “Maybe you’re just upset you’re not the knight in shining armor.” You sarcastically teased.

“Maybe.” He answered as he cleaned the excess blood from your skin. Your eyes widened.

“What?” You simply replied.

“Maybe I’m upset I couldn’t save you.” He said, grabbing the gauze and gently wrapping the affected areas.

“You’re patching me up, so I think we’re even.” He looked up at you and shook his head. “What are you getting at, Jason?”

“You know what I’m getting at.” He said and you gently reached for his face, hand holding his chin. “Are you that surprised?”

“That your jealous, whiny ass is really just hopelessly in love with me?” You raised an eyebrow in mockery. “I might have gotten the hint somewhere down the line.”

“Doubt it.” Jason retorted.

“Yeah, why don’t you finish fixing me up first?”

taglist: @captainshazamerica // @cipheress-to-k-pop // @the-did-i-ask // @azazel-nyx // @summersimmerus // @deanzboyfriend // @zoeyserpentluck // @mr-mxyzptlk-1940 //

[j0kers-light]

Hey light! I've had this scenario floating around my brain I thought I'd share. So Joker was having a really rough week and his mood swings were horrendous. Plans he'd spent weeks on were ruined and didn't go well at all. His henchmen were more annoying and tiresome than usual. One day he breaks down, curls up in bed, and has a good cry, thinking he was home alone. Y/n comes home and catches him but decides not to let him see her because it would embarrass him and make him feel way worse. She just watches in silence from afar.

This is probably wayyy out of character but I love it when J gets to show emotion poor guy 🥺

His Lighthouse: Mood Swings (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

Mood Swings - Oneshot

KEEP IN MIND THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER UPDATE!

Hey hi anon!! 🖤✨

I haven’t been called Light in a while, almost forgot that's me lol 😭😭This ask is definitely wayyyyy out of character however have no fear, Chaos is here! I can always make something work. Here's something short and sweet treat to munch on while I work on the chapter updates! I hope you enjoy anon!

If you wish to be a part of the His Lighthouse taglist, (or His Angel) do let me know via comment, ask, or a quick direct message! 🖤✨

Nothing was going as he planned. It was one thing after another.

The plans he spent ages on perfecting were ruined, tensions were at an all time high, and to make matters worse, his goons were screwing up left and right.  

Normally Joker would have killed any signs of weakness, but he couldn’t get rid of his entire payroll. How was it possible that everyone was annoying? Even Frost wasn’t off the hook. At least he had the decency to acknowledge his mistakes and apologize.

No one else did and that irked J even more. Either everyone was an idiot, or the universe had it out for him.  

Honestly, it could be both. It was turning out to be a really rough week with no end in sight.

There was some hope when a revised plan was going well; however, it was quickly ruined by none other than Batman. Joker could not get ahead. He was this close to pulling his hair out. 

He had to get away before his demons started airing the place out.

The whispers were getting louder and louder. ‘Stab him, strangle them...’ and his fingers itched to obey until he saw your disapproving face appear in his mind.

His Light would be devastated to find out that his no killing streak reverted back to zero. He was doing so well too!  

For your sake, Joker managed to curb his urges, but after one of his goons screwed up and almost leaked the main hideout’s location online, enough was enough.  

Joker could not handle anymore. He forcibly removed himself from the situation with a clear destination in mind: your penthouse. He sought out your peaceful bubble, perhaps you could turn his bad mood back around. Joker had to get away before he did who knows what. 

And just Joker’s luck, his misfortunes followed him home. He was convinced he was cursed because this week was officially the worst.  

He struggled to open your front door (of all days the key would get stuck and that was after dropping them) he felt like a raging bull in a china store. Joker saw red and he needed an outlet to purge this negative energy into. He wouldn’t dare place it on you.  

No, he needed to be alone to sort this out. He felt a headache building and strangely enough, his eyes were tingling. Joker refused to believe he was going to cry.

No matter how horrendous his week was, Joker was not a crier. He refused to be weak in front of anyone and that included you.  

That thought made him pause in the foyer. Where were you anyways?  

He called out your name—only for silence to echo back. Of all the days you weren’t home.

J didn’t know if this were a good or a bad thing. He was glad you didn’t see him like this and yet, he kinda wished you were here to educate him on what to do.  

You were aptly named his Lighthouse for your skills in leading him out of the darkness. And right now, it was so dark, Joker couldn’t see the end of the tunnel. His mind was fighting against him and his emotions were getting the better of him. He didn’t feel like himself.   

He kicked his shoes off and ran a hand through his green tresses.

Your penthouse was pristine, a big burst of color and steeped with a whimsical flare.  

A candle burned safely in a votive nearby and its soothing scent went completely over Joker’s head. He was just too far gone for the little things to calm him down. It would take a herculean effort to get him back sane.. at least back to his normal sane self.  

You always demanded cleanliness and order. Everything had a place and right now, Joker felt like he didn’t belong. He considered trashing the place. The thought was too tempting to pass up. 

As much as Joker told himself to behave, he stomped his way down the hall, breaking anything his hands could get a hold of.

Once he entered the bedroom, he snatched a pillow off the bed and screamed into it. He remembered you saying once that it was a great way to relieve stress, but he still felt the same afterwards. Did he somehow do it wrong?  

His clown makeup was smudged all over the case, and it got his mind thinking. Yelling into a pillow was stupid. He quickly tore it into shreds.  

The imported feathers floated in the air, and they provoked his inner desire to destroy more. He knew you would be angry.  

Well touch luck, Joker was angry too.  

The other pillows suffered the same fate as Joker tore through the room like a tornado.

He would suffer the consequences of his actions later. Each tear, every crack, satisfied the demons screaming in his head. A little broken furniture was better than a pile of dead bodies. He hoped you would understand.  

His rampage went on until he was out of breath and slowly coming back to his senses.

Sadly, Joker was still as angry as before. Nothing was working! Joker kicked over the decorative ottoman before belly flopping onto the bed.

Surprisingly, it survived his initial rage and despite his better judgement, Joker let out a gut wrenching yell that ended in a rare sob.  

Joker thought he was stronger than this. He royally failed for letting his emotions get the better of him. This week really took a toll on him, and he had exhausted every method to calm down. All except one.

Joker was powerless against the sudden wave of sleepiness taking him under after his rare show of emotions.  

He clung to the last pillow that smelled of you as you watched on from the doorway. 

Your poor clown was hurting.  

You weren’t ignorant to the levels of stress Joker was going through this week. His nights were longer, his tolerance weakened to the point he almost snapped at you a few times. 

Nothing ever went Joker’s way with the constant perfection he demanded for his criminal heists. He put too many expectations on himself and his goons. 

No one was perfect, case in point, you watched helplessly as Joker broke down. You would worry about cleaning up later. Your heart went out to Joker, who was so far removed from human emotions that he didn’t know he was having a meltdown.  

He didn’t even notice you coming home, he was so overwhelmed.  

He acted like a wounded animal, lashing out while on the verge of tears. Have you ever seen Joker cry before? The details didn’t matter.

You didn't dare to confront him during this rare lapse of character. He would be embarrassed and lash out, thus making things worse.  

You wisely waited in the shadows. When Joker was down for the count, you stepped into the bedroom to offer your silent support.  

You set your purse down and sighed at the mess Joker left behind before climbing into bed. J flinched in his sleep when you reached out for him but he slowly relaxed when his subconscious realized it was you.  

His Light was finally here to help whatever was ailing him.

You cooed softly when Joker tightened his grip on you as his breathing picked up. You didn’t want him waking up.  

Right now, he needed all the rest he could get. He was like a toddler all tuckered out after a tantrum. You let him sleep on your chest as you raked your hands through his green tresses.  

And when Joker woke up hours later in your arms, you simply smiled at him and wiped the dried tears from his cheeks. “You feeling better, J?” 

[batcavescolony]

You know what piece of fanon irks me? The idea that Dick resents Jason and Tim for being Robin or that Damian is the only Robin that Dick gave his approval to.

Batman #416

This is the first issue we see Nightwing and Jason Todd's Robin together it's 18 months after Bruce fired Dick (because he got hurt and cus Bruce though he was gonna leave the nest anyways it's a thing). Dick gave Jason his approval, he was mad at BRUCE for lack of communication and being Bruce but it never carried over to Jason.

And in A Lonely Place of Dying Dick

Takes Tim to the suit basically goes "I can't be Robin. ME, I, DICK GRAYSON can no longer be Robin. Robin is a teen about *put a hand at Tim height* this tall, black hair, good at acrobatics, not afraid to tell Batman off, and a good detective, maybe he even found out Batman and Robins identities. That is Robin, but I am Nightwing not Robin. Yep. A Robin needs to be all those things. Now I'm off to save Batman!" then later looks on fondly as Tim pleads his case to Batman, backs him up, and thinks that Bruce needs to think with his heart not head and take on a new Robin. It's not explicitly written out in the text but all of this is Dick giving Tim permission to be Robin.

TL:DR: DICK GAVE ALL THE ROBINS HIS APPROVAL NOT JUST DAMIAN!

[spectr3inl0ve]

please more age gap Bruce Wayne PLEASEOLEASEPLASEPLEASEPLEASE

YES OFC ML!!! HERES CRADLE ROBBER!BRUCE WAYNE TELLING READER HES BATMAN (expanding on this post)

you and alfred are the only people in the manor, it's almost midnight. you know this because alfred let you in, telling you everyone's absent after you ask where they are. making your way up to bruces room, you take note of the stillness, the absence of noise, chaos. you silently open the double doors into the masterbedroom, and sit on the edge of the bed.

bruces presence has becoming more and more scarce in the past two months, and in a couple weeks you would be celebrating six months together. he's been more fatigued as well, and there's been countless unexplainable injuries - and some of them weren't of the smaller kind either. it's gotten to the point where bruce would sometimes wince when you touch him, brushing it off with 'muscle pain' until you lift his shirt to reveal a swelling bruise or a cut or graze. "you know how clumsy I am, baby." he smiles, and he's right, you do know. he's not clumsy. he's hardly ever available at night, and the 'date night' plans turn into a brunch on Saturday instead.

all of this makes you start questioning and overthinking your entire relationship, was he seeing someone on the side? are you not good enough? did you do something wrong? no. you didnt. couldn't have. you're as good as it gets and you know it, he knows it. even the tabloids are noticing how unhappy you're looking, always slightly pouting, perhaps a bit more clingy; always tailing bruce like a lost puppy.

tears form, and you do nothing to stop them. it's been a while since you've had a good cry. and as Steph says, "even a girlboss needs to cry!". and you completely agree. you let out all of your bottled up emotions out, sniffles turning into heavy sobs, but quiet enough to keep alfred from worrying.

through your overthinking and sobbing, you don't hear bruces heavy footsteps, and you don't hear him when he opens the double doors to his room. you do however, hear him when he gently calls your name. blood rushing to you cheeks, you stop your sobbing, wiping your nose. but you don't face him. bruce moves toward you swiftly, sitting down next to you and scooping you up into his arms, placing you onto his lap so you face him. he sees you actively avoiding his eyes, so he places a gentle, but firm hand on you jaw and guides your face to look at him. "what's got you crying, huh, pretty?" the nerve of him..."you." you hiss, furrowing your eyebrows. his face grows solemn, the colour draining. you see this as a sign to rant to him about whay he's done. and you do. you go off on him, yelling, hitting his chest and ugly crying. he just listens, nodding every now and then in acknowledgement. his calmness irks you, "do you have anything to say for yourself, bruce?" you cry into his chest, soaking his black tshirt with tears and mascara. you resurface, resembling a panda with the way your mascara smudged around your eyes. bruce, reading the room, bites back his smile and instead let's out a long sigh.

with his arms around her still, he stands, keeping her steady. "gotta show you something. you might not like it though..." the vagueness of it worries you even more. he retracts his arms from you, taking your hand and leading you to his office. while you stare off into the distance, bruce does fiddles around (I forgot how he enters the batcave thru the office 😭) and then the bookshelf reveals a secret elevator. your jaw drops as he leads you into it, pressing the button to go down. a few moments later, the elevator stops and opens, revealing a high tech...basement? cave? he steps out, you do the same. you notice how cold it is, wrapping your arms around yourself, "...what is this...? I don't understand.". the tears start up again, and this time youre unsure why. bruce comfortingly rubs your back, shushing you gently. "I...I'm...batman." he says quietly.

it takes a moment for you to process what you heard. "so you're not cheating on me...?" you sniff, looking around you. bruce goes red, oh. that's what you thought? he shakes his head, "no, sweetheart. never." he guides you toward the batcomputer, letting you play around a bit as he watches. if bruce is batman...does that mean.. "so...damian is robin? and the others are...?" you look at him with a quizzical look, sniffling. he gives me a small smile, "yeah, baby." "that explains a lot." you hit his chest and chuckle.

hope this was alr, please send asks abt cradle robber!bruce wayne or dick or jason!!!

[ghost-bxrd]

What would fae!dick and Bruce's relationship be like? Would they fight, woild they be loyal to a fault, would they even separate? Faes do love living in one place after all

Hmmm, well if we go with the option of Dick growing up mostly in the human world being more accustomed to attaching himself to people rather than a place I’d reckon him and Bruce would end up growing quite close.

Of course, the manor becomes Dick’s permanent home and reacts to the presence of an other being rather quickly, but at the core of it? I think Dick would use Bruce and Alfred as his anchor, with Jason and Tim and all the others joining over time.

And loyalty… well, the creatures I grew up with were never divided into good or evil. They were very versatile, much like humans. One could be kind and sweet in one story only to turn monstrous in the next, usually dependent on how they’d been treated by the human of the story. Dick is kind and loyal by nature and I headcanon he only shows his more “monstrous” side when he’s truly irked or feels he’s been wronged in some way (which is… a very subjective thing for fae).

Bruce offered Dick a home and a family, both things that certain type of other creatures value very much and consider sacrosanct. It may not win him over right away, but it goes a long way in building that fundamental trust that’s gonna end with Batman and Robin roaming the streets as a team.

On Bruce’s part… most things he does that are considered “gift giving” and “offers of kinship” are accidental. Because, well, he’s not fae. And he’s new to this child-parent thing and is totally winging it but it??? Seems to work ok???? And he finds that bribing Dick with food and old trinkets makes the boy more approachable, so that’s what he keeps doing until Dick starts coming to him on his own, without additional prompting.

Bruce is super happy because he thinks he’s doing this parenting stuff right and his son ward is warming up to him.

Dick is grudgingly charmed into accepting Bruce and Alfred as “his” humans. (It’s really hard to stay cold and distant with all the good food. And Dick may be fae but he’s been around humans all his life. He gets lonely embarrassingly easy. And he thrives and hugs.)

Sheesh ok getting off topic again. To sum it all up: I think their bond would be pretty strong and not easily broken. There’s mutual trust going on, but Bruce would have to learn to make compromises with Dick very early due to his… otherness. All those strict rules wouldn’t go over well with a fae. at all. Especially not if Dick found out who got his parents killed.

Consequently I think the monumental fallout that ends with Dick moving to Blüdhaven wouldn’t happen. At least not in its original severity. Mostly because Bruce had to get accustomed to Dick having a strong mind of his own years ago, and because he found out that being “rude and downright disrespectful” is an easy way to have a murder of crows with a suspicious number of eyes and wings chase you around for weeks on end. (Not to mention the deer incident. Bruce swears deer should NOT have that many rows of teeth.)

So yeah, they still argue. They still fight. But it’s usually just small spats and gets resolved rather quickly. ✨ and now that Dick’s finally settled down? Yup. Sorry. That’s HIS stretch of land now. He’s got his magic sunk into the very roots of it. Thank you and good day. And may the gods help anyone who tries to take it OR his humans away from him. 🌳

[indecenthoney]

"One Too Many"

-----------------------------------------------

I never really had an eventful life. Not because I haven't lived it, it's just that there is a certain comfort to being at home. I'd love to go to a party with friends, but I'm not the best at talking to randoms. But one random night, just like any other night, I got a call from one of my friends asking me to pick them up. It so happens that my friend wasn't doing so good at this party. I quickly rushed over to pick her up. She smelled of booze; carrying herself in a drunken stupor. My other friend managed to open her phone and call me up. They continued to party while I was tasked to bring her home. Not quite how I wanted to spend my evening but what are friends for? I guess.

"Hey... Dude... We're here... Get out... What do you mean you can't walk? Fuck... Of course, you can't walk... Do you know how shitty your tolerance is with alcohol? I mean... Why the fuck are you drinking? What do you mean don't be mad at you?!? Don't you dare start crying... Ughhh... Okay... Okay... fuck... I'm sorry for shouting at you... Tomorrow I am lecturing you till your ears bleed... Get up... I'll drop you off... Careful... careful... Where are your keys? Uhuh... Alright... If you need to vomit... I left your garbage can next to your bed... Call me in the morning..."

After settling her in, I quickly made my way to the door only to be stopped by a quiet voice. Something that I would usually ignore but quickly followed a barrage of tears and sniffles. How could I leave her alone?

"Nooo, I wasn't leaving... I was just going to grab you some water... What's wrong? Do you need to vomit? No? Thennnn.... why are you crying? You don't wanna be alone... Did something happen at the party that I should know of? There was a guy... and he was hot? And you wanted to bring him home... but you said what? Oh my fucking god... You didn't... No shit that would scare him off... Okay okay... I'm sorry I'm sorry... So you're upset that you screwed it up... It's okay we all fuck up sometimes... What? Dude you're plenty pretty... You'll get another chance... Maybe next time don't drink too many drinks before trying to flirt with someone... Especially if you plan on bringing them home..."

I was jealous. I shouldn't be complaining seeing as how I never made an effort to put myself out there. Plus I wasn't exactly ugly or bad-looking. It's more like a hidden treasure type of deal. Under the scowl and heavy clothing, I had a good smile and I was pretty hot. I just never really had the confidence to show myself off or flirt. What's more, is that I always wanted someone to come up to me and shoot their shot. Hearing her talk about some random guy, irked me. But, I hid away the jealousy and wiped away her tears. Searching through her drawers for some tissue to clean her snot-filled nose. She's such a baby when she's drunk.

"Here... Blow your nose for me... Thank you, good girl... I'm going to grab you some water and I'll be back... Promise... What do you mean you don't want me to leave? You really need to sober up... Yes, I'm not going anywhere... What? C'mon, use your words... What do you need? It's hot? Uhm... then go get changed... Help you? No way... I am not going to help you... Do you even understand what you're asking me right now? Hi hello... It's me... Your friend... That'd be weird... Okay okay... stop crying jeez... I'm going to pick out your pajamas...Alright... I'll just be right there... You can see me still... Ugh, dude... I'm literally a few steps away... Fine okay... You can hold my hand and follow me... Better? Good... Yes yes... the fluffy pajamas I know..."

There was a certain appeal to her vulnerability. Funny enough, it's like seeing Batman cry. A rare event. Seeing her cling on to me was nice. Despite that, I had to steel my resolve to get through what came next. Undressing her. I had her sit down on the bed. Unbuttoning her blouse. Lifting her shirt. And finally, finding myself shaking while unhooking her bra. A little difficult considering my eyes were shut. But it was my weak attempt at keeping my morals in check.

"C'mon put your arm through... There we go... Good... Alright wriggle outta that skirt... It looks uncomfortable... You're making me feel hot... Now... Im going to turn around while you put these on... Help you? You're joking right... You're probably just sober and teasing me now... Why would do I have to help you put on panties? I know you're wobbling but... Fine, let's just get this over with..."

Little whimpers escape her lips; each leg is fitted through her panties. Doing my best to stare at the floor than to look at her bare pussy. My thumb grazing along her thighs. A slight tremble feeds back into me. A glance reveals a newly formed wet spot. Upon release, I found my hands around her soft hips. I look back at her; only to find her breathing heavily unsure of what to do with herself. She quickly places herself atop me without a word.

"H-hey... Uhm... We still have to put your pajama bottoms on... Are you-... Wait... Woah woah... S-slow down... You're just a little drunk... Let's slow down before you regret something... I really don't wanna- Mmmph... Mmm...."

Lips interlocked. Time passes both slowly and quickly. Hips picking up speed to ease the tension. My morality slowly crumbled with each and every kiss. Each and every grasp of her body leading us deeper and deeper into sin. Even if she did initiate, I found myself slowly gaining dominance. My entire body leaning into her; needing more. Wanting more. Even her kisses began to stifle at my relentless assault. She gave off a look of complete submission as if to say anything to ease that burning sensation. But enough with pretty words, all I really wanted to do right now was to fill this room with her pretty little moans. My hands finding their way south; rubbing along the newly formed wet spot. Teasing her. An incoherent and feeble attempt at communication was made. Her protests were brought to a halt with every little slide of my thumb. She soon realized the more she put up a fight, the more I would tease her. No amount of bratting would have gotten her out of that situation.

"You're squirming an awful lot... What's wrong? Oh, is that it? Such a needy baby... You want more? What a greedy little girl... Not enough stimulation? What? Unsatisfied? Because I don't fuck you like how the other guys do? Shove my cock into your pretty little holes until completion? Yeah... We don't do that here... You've never been teased properly before, have you? Well, that's no fun... Why don't we fix that? Listen you can fuck whoever you want... however you want... But you're with me right now... And if you want my attention... you're going to have to listen... Let's see... I'll give you what you want... But on the condition that I get to freely do as I please... And all you have to do is sit there and take it... If you can last three minutes without whining or cumming... You can use me however you want... Do we have a deal?"

Not that she was in any position to decline. It was just amusing seeing her struggle to behave. I don't blame her. Kind of hard to resist when the one thing you've been waiting your whole night to have is just right there in front of you. And you can't do a thing about it. It's like placing a treat on a dog's nose. Lesson being, good pups that wait will get their reward. Her hands cover her mouth. Eyes rolling back with every flick of my thumb. Her pussy dripping wet from all the attention.

"Look at you... Doing such a good job... Why so quiet, love? Does it not feel good? Maybe I should rub a little faster then... There we go... Now I can hear you... What was that? Use your words, girl... Slow down..? Now why would I do that? When you're such a drippy little mess... you're basically forming a puddle under us... Aren't you ashamed? Making such a filthy mess... Almost there, sweetheart... Two more minutes..."

Two hellish minutes which seemed like forever. I can only imagine what's going on in her head. To make things worse, my touch slowly lost its vigor. Strokes of my thumb dwindle to a tiny tap on her needy clit driving her restless. An incoherent babble of words. A slight buck in her hips to rub herself against me. It would seem she wasn't aware of what she was doing at this point. All she knew is that she needed to cum. Ten seconds remain. I'll tell you now that I am a pretty sore loser when it comes to these sorts of deals. Without a thought, I was also nearing my limit. Sliding myself into her. I could quickly feel her warmth envelop me. It was nearly impossible to stop thrusting into her. It felt as if she was cumming with each and every thrust.

"Cumming again? How many times was that? Oh? It hurts? You can take it, sweetie... I'm almost there... Just a little longer, alright? I promise... and while you take a break... I'll use you're pretty little mouth... and we'll go for another round or two, yeah? I know you're shaking... but this is what you wanted, right? To be fucked senseless? Now just stay there and... take it... Be a good girl... and take it... F-fuck... "

I lost count of the number of times I came in her that night. Bent over the desk. All around the bed. The living room. The shower. On the couch. Even in the hallway of her apartment. I wouldn't be surprised if someone saw us. But we didn't care. Or well, I didn't care. By the end of the night, I had her mindlessly moving her hips on my cock. Up and down. Unattentive to how much time has passed. A cock drunk little slut waiting on every little word that escaped my lips. I knew then that life was going to be a little less boring.

------------------------------------------------

Respectfully,

Honey

[fagbatman]

the fact that elon musk and the reddit cryptobro crowd loveeeee batman will never fail to irk me. literally what makes you think batman would look at you and do anything other than break your shins

[schrijverr]

The Hearts of Gotham 1

Chapter 1 out of 7

Bruce makes the Justice League believe he has two hearts and is a manifestation of Gotham’s night to throw them off his secret identity, not trusting them. When the sound system breaks, he doesn’t come clean, but lies instead that he split into two to make Robin. From there it spirals as all the Robins make the lies grow and twist it in their own ways, until the truth comes out.

This fic is based on this post and inspired by Bouncing Baby Bat, or so the Justice League is led to believe... by EmpressGeek.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~~

Chapter 1: How Bruce Made Himself out to Be a Cryptid

Let it be known that Bruce never intended for it to end up like this. Truly, had he known then how it would end, he might just have been honest with the Justice League when they formed, but instead paranoia had overtaken him and now it has spiraled into this.

Okay, let’s back up a little. It starts like this: Bruce doesn’t want to join the Justice League that these others are forming for bigger threats. In his mind, they are the possible bigger threat, seen in how effective they are against other big threats. The fact that they can’t see that makes him only more wary.

However, the others seem determined to see this done, so if Bruce wants to keep a close eye on them, it’s better to be involved. With his tech being used, he’ll know all the back doors. With him in the meetings, he’ll know the protocols will be good. With him in the training, he’ll be able to study their weaknesses and plan for contingencies.

So, he joins to soothe his own worries and doom scenarios. He joins so he can monitor them all and step in should it go awry.

But being able to observe them, means that in turn he’ll be observed too.

He is very careful about his identity thus far, because he knows what’s at stake. His own voice is that of Batman, so if he’s taken by surprise out in the field it won’t be different. He wears lifts in his Batman boots to make him taller, more intimidating, less human. He stays in the shadow, never lets anyone observe him better.

Because if he’s ever found out, a lot of things will come crumbling down. The police is only half convinced that there is an actual person under there and there is a big factor ready to arrest him, should they catch him. Though luckily also a faction moving to working together with him.

Should he be arrested, Alfred will likely go down as accomplice and spend his retirement in a prison with Wayne Enterprises falling into the hands of a semi-corrupt board that will weasel out the non-corrupt like he is trying to weasel out the corrupt now.

Hundreds of thousands will loose their jobs, programs that keep the less fortunate from going under will disappear, the public transport system will decay and the name his parents made for themselves will forever be tainted by him. And that’s not even mentioning the crime that will run rampant without Batman, all the people that could go through what he did.

No, he can’t be found out.

So, he has to be careful when working with this newly formed Justice League. Throw them off his scent so they’ll never connect the dots. But it has to be subtle, something he can keep up, something not everyone would note.

The person he’s most worried about getting on his trail is Clark Kent, or Superman, as he is known, an investigative journalist. The others are less like him or Clark, people who go out and look for things that irk their brains, but Clark has been assigned their leader. He’ll want to know and he’ll want to dig.

He is also a person who might be able to find Bruce. His secret identity is as solid as it can be, but he’s only human and there are cracks. As a reporter, Clark interacts with both Bruce and Batman and he has extra abilities to help him.

He must be stopped.

So, before his first meeting with the Justice League, Bruce sinks into a pit of what-ifs, until his paranoia forces him to action. And he sows a sound system into his suit, that plays an extra heartbeat, making it seem like there are two hearts beating in his chest.

Bruce’s logic is, that if the supers in the League would hear his two heartbeats as Batman, they would look for that if they wanted to find him and since he doesn’t have two heartbeats as Bruce, they never would unless he was being Batman, thus open to being found.

It’s a solid plan in his mind. The League consists of all sorts of people, both human and non-human, no one would ask too many invasive questions about his supposed biology. It’s perfect.

Thus, it comes to be that Batman enters the Justice League as a cryptid non-human entity. Not something he planned for exactly, but the Batman is already more than a man, said to be a demon or a vampire. It helps with intimidation and it helps with his cover. The others already think him to be more than human, why not play into it? It’s not like he trusts them. He’s here to monitor, not befriend.

It’s a solution that soothes his anxieties and enables him to actually work. It’s also easy and low profile, as well as something that can grow organically as the moment calls.

The first times it happens, is when they’re making a protocol about when it is alright to step in on another hero’s turf. Bruce is the one, who insisted on making protocols, wanting to have written guides he could force the others to follow, rules they are held accountable by.

“No metas in Gotham,” he first lays down the law for his own city. “We can make protocols for other cities to suit the heroes wishes and what is reasonable. But there will not be anyone but me in Gotham, I don’t care how severe you think it is. Unless you have an explicit invitation from me, you aren’t welcome.”

“What the hell, man!” Hal exclaims and others are also frowning.

Clark, as always, steps in to mediate: “Batman, we’re willing to follow your lead in your city and I agree that a heroes wishes should be considered, but there no reason not to be civil. You’re a meta, you know life can be hard enough as is.”

Bruce does feel a little guilty then, because despite his wariness, everyone here has been nothing but nice – overly nice in that peppy hero way, but still – and he doesn’t mean to be rude. He just knows that the type of crime fighting they do, doesn’t mesh with Gotham and he can’t have them ruin his city.

So, he crosses his arms and tries to project sternness instead of guilt as he says: “And I am stating my wishes clearly. No metas in Gotham is a neutral statement. You made it loaded.”

“You’re being hypocritical, Batman,” J’onn says not unkindly, probably picking up on some of the guilt, despite his mental barriers and misinterpreting.

“I am not, I am being clear,” Bruce says, as stubborn as ever, while mentally running through all the random knowledge he has acquired in the years of being Batman. Then he adds: “And I am being clear, because you coming will completely ruin the ecosystem.”

“Ruin the ecosystem?” Diana repeats, still learning the new lingo of the world of men.

“Yes,” Bruce says, glad that his acting classes under Alfred are paying off. “When I say that I am the night, I am very serious about that. I am Gotham’s night, come to life. The hearts of the city beat in me. My villains are created by what Gotham is as a city, they won’t respond well to you. You’re an invasive species. Who knows the kinds of irreparable damage you could cause?”

That sounds pretty logical to his own ears and he makes a mental note to get Poison Ivy some perks in Arkham when he gets back. He also makes a not to record what he said later, as to not contradict himself down the line.

“You’re literally the night?” Hal chuckles, a little disbelievingly.

“You’re a space cop,” Barry rightfully points out. “We work together with two aliens, a woman with wings and an Amazonian princess. Is a personification of the night really a stretch?”

“It just seems fantastical that’s all,” Hal shrugs, body language giving away that he feels a little bad about his outburst. But not bad enough to not defend it, because he adds: “Everyone else seems to have at least a bit of a basis in science.”

“Magic is quite real,” Diana says, stunning them all into silence for a second.

Clark clears his throat after a second, then says: “Thank you, we’ll keep that in mind for later meetings. So, uhm, no metas in Gotham,” he gets them on track. “Does that also apply for non-hero meddling? Like if someone has to be there due to secret identity obligations?”

Bruce knows why he’s asking. It might sound like a general question, but unlike the others, he actually knows who they are in their civilian lives. And he’s seen Superman out of uniform at his galas.

However, he doesn’t let it show. Having Clark hear only one heartbeat in his chest at the galas will only strengthen his secret identity. So, he curtly says: “If you don’t interfere with its business, Gotham will let you in.”

“Alright,” Clark says, looking a little disturbed. “I’ll note that down. No metas in Gotham. Now, what about anyone else’s city? Something else we should know about when not trespassing?”

The others gratefully take the reason to move on and Bruce has to hold in a snort, because it’s quite amusing to see these superpowered beings buy into his make belief. To have them be scared of him, who is just a man.

But it is also comforting, because if they are scared, they’ll listen. He needs them to listen to him, to value his opinion as one of their own, because maybe then he can ensure that they will become that line of good they have the potential to be, instead of the force of destruction they can also become. For that, he is glad.

Furthermore, he registers that his ruse is working in his favor. It gets him what he wants while minimizing conflict, thus it is good to maintain.

So, as they build the Justice League together – something that takes a lot more meetings and paper work than some of them were expecting, he observes – he maintains and builds his lie further. He establishes himself as the night of Gotham and expands on his backstory as he goes.

A little while later they’re in a meeting about their fighting abilities. They have already worked in the field together, but during the big emergency, but that doesn’t make for good observation circumstances. Therefore they have this meeting, so that all are on the same page about what they can do.

Bruce has contemplated making himself out to be scarier than he actually is. However, when it is his turn, he doesn’t invent invulnerabilities or abilities for himself, it can be detrimental in the field to have given others unrealistic expectations.

Thus, when it’s his turn to answer, he honestly says: “When it comes to any unnatural abilities, I function as a normal human would. Nothing more. Nothing less.”

“No way,” Barry says, leaning on his hand and observing Bruce closer. “No powers? None?”

“Yeah, I don’t buy it, Spooky. With all the vanishing you do,” Hal agrees.

“Then maybe we should have another stealth day,” Bruce says seriously, because what he does is not that difficult and can be taught. As heroes, they should have a certain amount of skills in every field, though maybe it’s good for them to not be fully competent. Makes it easier to take them out should the day come.

Hal quickly makes a zipping his mouth shut motion, before Bruce can continue on with his threat that he is still contemplating.

Before it can get out of hand, everyone gets distracted by Shiera asking: “Really? You want us to believe that the physical manifestation of Gotham’s night has no power?”

“Yes, that does seem quite miraculous,” Diana agrees open eyed and well intended.

“Yeah, you have no clue what sort of stories come out of there,” Barry adds. “Well, I’m kind of assuming you don’t, since I suppose you don’t leave your city often and maybe you don’t really read our news if you do. But like it’s crazy. There was a while where I wasn’t even sure you existed or if there truly was a vampire out there.”

As they all talk, Bruce is silent, quickly thinking. Is he going to have to lie? Make up some powers that are minor enough that they won’t accidentally risk his life when he doesn’t want it to be risked? No, Alfred will kill him.

Fuck, he never thought they wouldn’t believe him if he told them he operated with no powers. He should have planned for this. Stupid. Note to self: plan more contingencies.

In the end, something comes to him right before it becomes weird that he isn’t answering. So, he answers: “I am the manifestation of Gotham’s night. Gotham is wholly human and remains so, that which powers me is human.”

“Wouldn’t it be beneficial then to have more metas in Gotham? So that you can get powers?” Barry asks, the curiosity of the scientist shining through.

It’s a good question too, and Bruce quickly bullshits: “No, because my villains are created in reaction to me. If I am stronger, so will their challenge be and Gotham will face more destruction.”

“Would that mean your villains disappear when you do?” Hal asks.

“No,” Bruce says again, cursing himself for not planning better. “The city creates them, but not like it creates me. It’s the shadow that hangs over Gotham that brings out the worst in people. They are not like me. They are humans. But if my shadow grows bigger, so will that of the city.”

“Man, that’s confusing,” Hal complains and Bruce is glad his own twists threw them off.

He is even more glad when Clark steps in: “And it’s not our place to question Batman or poke holes. Let’s all be civil. Batman, I’ll note down no powers.”

“Thank you,” Bruce replies, because Alfred raised him better than to not thank someone.

And so he goes on establishing himself as Gotham’s night. He has a writing frenzy wherein he fleshes out his lie to the League as to never be caught unawares again like that, before carefully and calculatedly dropping things into conversation as time goes on.

“Batman, you’re seriously injured, I saw that bot hit your head! You really should let us take a look at that,” Clark says after one of their earlier battles.

“No, I need to go to Gotham, my city strengthens me,” he lies, as to slip out so that Alfred can take a look at it. Hopefully the man won’t scold him too bad for traveling via Zeta-Beam while having a concussion.

Or during a boring meeting, when he suddenly gets up. Diana asks: “Batman, what is wrong? I did not hear an emergency call.”

“Gotham needs me,” he lies again, deciding that he sits through enough boring meetings as Brucie not to want to do it as Batman too. At least, not right now. He has a case he’d rather be working on, more important too. “It calls to me.”

As he leaves, he hears Barry whisper to Hal: “That sounds useful, I always just cross my fingers that I’ll catch it when it happens.”

However, over time it peters out. He has let all the relevant pieces drop and he feels that it doesn’t fit to share more. They know what he wants them to know and no one has caught on to the fact that he even has a civilian identity – something he’s loathe to admit, he stole from Clark. So, he stops and settles in with what he has.

And time continues to pass like that. Bruce gets to know his fellow League members better, learns how they think and where their morals lie. He starts to respect them, then tentatively trust them.

Most of them reveal their identities – never pressuring Bruce, since they don’t think he has one, despite Clark revealing his own – and become friends rather than colleagues. Bruce even thinks of them as friends.

However, he doesn’t say a word to them, never feels the need to reveal himself. To them he is the night, like he is Brucie to the board, and that suits him just fine. He is their friend, but he never forgets the power they hold and he never forgets his own responsibility in monitoring them.

The Justice League is set up to counter threats and one of the threats is the Justice League itself. He has just positioned himself to counter that threat, should it ever come to pass. And being non-human is a part of that. It’s as simple as that.

Besides, he befriended all of them based on a lie. To reveal now how much he distrusted them, how much he kept from them and how much he lied can only end in disaster. They’ll hate him for lying and they’ll never trust him again. He can’t risk that.

So, when the sound system in his suit breaks without him noticing and Clark exclaims: “Batman, are you okay? I can only hear one of your hearts beating,” Batman doesn’t hesitate to commit further to his lie.

He has made many contingencies for it breaking while on missions or during a meeting, but with how careful he is with his equipment, it never occurred to him that he would show up for an average meeting without it working.

“It’s okay,” he says, trying to think as fast as he can about what will make sense as explanation.

“That sounds more like you are ill, my friend,” J’onn speaks up, picking up on the anxiety wave that had crashed through him.

“No, no, I am fine, I assure you,” Bruce insists, landing on a solution. “My second heart has formed enough and I have split into two. It needs time to reform, but then I will be fine.”

For a moment, it is silent.

Then the whole room explodes with noise as the others demand what the hell that means and who he has split up into and how that even happens. It’s not something Bruce planned to do, but he’s in too deep now. This was his last chance to come clean and turn back and he didn’t take it. This is going to be his life forever now.

Guess, Dick is getting his wish and meeting the Justice League, instead of being stashed as far away from them as possible to keep him safe. This can be an exercise in obfuscation and keeping cover, he thinks.

~~

A/N:

As of much with Bruce’s earlier Batman career, 90% of what he does is just straight up bullshit that he is pulling out of his ass lmao and I love that for him <3

Also, you can’t convince me that ‘Gotham needs me’ isn’t his excuse when he doesn’t want to be somewhere anymore.

(also I have finished this fic already and I can be manipulated into posting quicker if there is interest)

[l0sercat]

Yandere alphabet w/ Jason Todd

Affection — how do they show their love and affection?

He'll give you small touches and cook you small meals

Blood — how messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Very messy. Someone looks at you wrong, dead. Someone makes you uncomfortable or touches you, dead. He'll kill anyone for you.

Cruelty — how would they treat their darling once abducted?

Depends on how you act and when he took you. If your a brat he'll be cold and rude and not gonna put up with it. If your sweet he'll treat you like a queen/king. If he took you during the time he was with batman he'll be bratty but caring. If he took you after he was in Ras a Ghul pit he would be very unstable and you'll most likely die. If you were taken after he was sorted through you'll be fine for the most part.

Darling — aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Yeah. He respects you and all but sometimes he has urges an can't help it.

Exposed — how vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

You would have to have gained his trust and been with him for over 2 years. When he does he is very sweet.

Fight — how would they feel if their darling fought back?

He would hate it and punish you by either isolating you til you crawl back to him or spank you til your blue.

Game — is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

It isn't a game to him but he would find it amusing to see you try to escape. But after the third time it woul irk him and he would punish you.

Hell — what would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

If he kidnapped them right after he escaped the pit it would be him constantly yelling at you and his constant mood swings. But if it was him after he got all that sorted through it would be when he lost his temper and took it out on darling.

Ideals — what kind of future do they have in mind for their darling?

You and him married. Living in a nice house with no one to bother you.

Jealousy — do they get jealous? How do they handle it?

He gets jealous easily. He'll just whisk you away and fuck the insecurities away.

Kisses — how do they act around or with their darling?

He can be gentle and caring and shower you with love. But he can also sometimes be a nightmare and be rough and harsh.

Love letters — how would they go about approaching their darling?

He would send little gifts and that get more expensive then send you a letter confessing his undying love to you and then kidnap you when your sleeping.

Mask — are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Kinda. He'll be blunt and rude towards people but towards you he'll be loving. Only if your good.

Naughty — how would they punish their darling?

Spanking and isolation. The only time you'll see him is when he drops off meals. Or he'll spank you til your blue and sore and begging him to stop with tears spilling out your eyes.

Oppression — how many rights would they take away from their darling?

A lot. But you have some that you have to earn.

Patience — how patient are they with their darling?

Decently patient. But after a while he'll get tired and just take what he wants.

Quite — if their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

No. If you escape he'll keep searching no matter how long it takes. If you die he'll shut down for a while and self destruct. He's then even crueler to criminals and he blames himself for your death.

Regret — would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling?

No but he does look back on it to see if he could have done something different.

Stigma — what brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Probably childhood and the pit. He didn't have much when he was a child and the pit fucked up his mind.

Tears — how do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He doesn't necessarily enjoy it, he rather much see you happy and loving on him but he kinda likes it. He kinda shrugs it off to you being a brat but after a while he'll get pissed.

Unique — would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

He doesn't chain you up. You can freely wander around his house/base. He has cameras everywhere so he doesn't bother.

Vice — what weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

His temper. He get mad and storm off so he doesn't do something you'll both regret and accidentally forgets to lock the door and then you can leave. But it wouldn't last long he would've able to find you quickly.

Wit’s end — would they ever hurt their darling?

Yes but only if you deserved it. He doesn't want to hurt you but sometimes you don't give him a choice.

Xoanon — how much would they revere or worship their darling?

He would worship you to an extent.

Yearn — how long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Not long probably a couple months.

Zenith — would they ever break their darling?

He would but accidental or if you never gave in to him. Breaking you would be a last option.