#Well probably is mental health

[witheredsnow]

I'm unsure how to tag this. But oh well. I can't say this is strictly of an aroace thing. It could be for anyone, really. Hence the vague way of writing. I wonder if you guys think this is too vague tho. Well, all of my works are written vague because interpretation is welcome in any of them.

Anyway, I write these themes (being aroace, friendships, and growing up with things changing) because fiction make it seem like it would hurt less. So I write for myself and share. Tho I think this will be my last work in regards to being aro ace. In a while, maybe. Thanks to whoever was curious to read this. And thanks @random-potato-mil, you may be a random stranger but I appreciate your words. I appreciate everyone's words of my writing even when it's like this. -Rei

Being alone, a short story

I won't be alone. And even if I was, I won't be lonely

That's what I would say whenever someone tells me otherwise.

Because... Why would I be lonely?

Do I not have them?

Will I not have you?

...

.......

Maybe I will not. But I will deny it for as long as I can.

....

Did I ever tell you all that my time with you guys felt so precious? They were moments amongst many others that filled my cache of memories that I would place near my heart. Then with it, I go to sleep awaiting the next day to fill it again some more.

I know... I'm being sappy again. Getting more often these days.

Mmm... Hm? Odd? Me, being sappy?

Maybe, maybe...

I feel my mouth trying to uphold that easygoing smile on my face. It's getting harder these days, I won't lie. And I hate I know why.

No. I shook my head when asked what's wrong. I'm afraid if I said out loud, it'll come true.

...

Time really is moving too fast. I know I used to complain back at school that time couldn't be even slower than it was.

I wonder when did the pace of time change. I wonder when did I start minding it so much. I wonder when did the passage of time felt like a dreadful thing to think about.

... Oh, right. Yeah, sorry. It's not everyday I get to be with you all. Or... Even one of you. Not in recent days, atleast—No! That's enough of that.

This moment, them being here, us, all of us right here and now.

I will ignore the twinge of an ache of the past and the distressing uncertainty of the future.

Yeah... The here and now. With you guys.

I grin back when I'm asked why I'm quiet once more. Well, new era, new me?

You all laughed at that. Time must be bringing in change if I'm turning... quieter-ish.

..... I could not join in with the laughs without thinking that... Time really is bringing change—That's enough ruminating.

...

......

"Won't you be alone?"

"Aren't you worried that you'll be lonely?"

"You'll just be by yourself in the future if you keep this up."

Oh yeah? Well, mind your own business.

Why do these unrelated people have to keep telling me that? To remind me of this 'fate' of mine?

Even... My own friends.

No, no. I won't be. I will not be. I still have you all. I'm not socially deprived, not a hermit in the middle of society. Right?

...

I am not alone.

....

I'm not.

....

The streets are teeming with people. Varied lives walking past me. The only intersection of my life with theirs is an occasional brush of the shoulder or the awareness of someone in your way that makes your body either stay in trajectory or skirt around.

I'm just one of many.

Hm? Right. Some of these people are in groups of atleast two. How nice.

Me? By myself these days, as obvious as it could get.

Am I alone?

Yes. Right now.

...

......

I've also been alone for a while.

I know. I admit it's lonely.

.....

Life sucks.

.....

......

........

Beep!

....

Sometimes you can't help but feel like a mismatched—or perhaps, not-matched soul in this world.

Sometimes you can't help but feel like a step-down of a someone.

Sometimes... You can't help but be the outlier.

....

Beep!

....

But sometimes life doesn't suck so bad because despite it all, there are times when you don't have to feel that way.

So yeah, I can feel lonely... But I'm starting to be okay even when alone.

....

Beep!

I smile to myself as another beep sounded. They're being impatient again for me to reply.

Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking to myself again. I'm typing, aight? Give me a sec.

A bit later, a fond chuckle made its way out of my mouth.

It's been a while, huh?

....

......

....

"See ya later!"

"Take care. Bye for now."

"Come by again."

"Next time, yeah?"

Of course, even if it's not always.

[7millionheartemojis]

"i can take care of myself" <- girl who absolutely fucking cannot

[moeblob]

North and Simon: (shaking hands on killing Simon potentially)

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

[feldsparred-mo-reblogs]

No nuance november: If your main headcanon for Gabbro is that they are "a stoner" because "they are so chill" I actually don't want to hear anything else you are saying because I am already bored

[cult-of-the-eye]

Ok listen, Gwen being killed off would be interesting because the rest of the OIAR would have to grapple with the grief and the underlying feeling of suspicion in the way she died. Like she'd be a warning that would be ignored and I think it would switch up the dynamics in a really cool way.

[itsyouch]

no because I regret EVEN saying that I hate tex as a joke. This scene hurt man....

[ravenkings]

the thing about sylvia plath and ted hughes is like...she obviously struggled with major depression throughout her life and was probably more sensitive than most people but like....ted hughes did cheat on her and i would actually be more willing to give him the benefit of the doubt if plath were the only significant other of his to commit suicide......but like.......the fact that assia weville, the woman he cheated on plath with, ALSO killed herself (and their daughter!!!) in a VERY similar way several years later is...................suspicious to say the least imo..........

[kozidraws]

.

[butteredfrogs]

trying so hard not to get upset and say fuck it and delete my tumblr

[sysig]

Dr. “Has to get a good grade in therapy” Doran (Patreon)

[avasefullofnations]

An election night like tonight honestly freaks me out so bad in part because of how many stories I heard years later from people who almost gave up in 2016 after hearing the results. No matter the outcome I'm sure that there will be people in tough situations due to this election.

I know it's tough but please don't give up hope and if needed, please reach out to personal, community, or national resources for help should you need it.

Here are a few resources in case you need it:

Suicide hotline: 988

Domestic abuse hotline: 800-799-7233 or text "BEGIN" to 88788

An explanation of suicide safety plans if you have a history of suicidal thoughts and want to have a safety plan in place in case you experience such thoughts tonight/this week

One example of a grounding/safety box for those who want to make one in preparation with things on hand

[ciderjacks]

ocd is weird bc I definitely still have it, I just got really good at identifying it and shutting it down. Like I was taking down a gross medical sticker on my wall that for some reason I stuck up there last year, and my brain was like “no don’t do it. You’ll die if you do that” so I put it back on and my brain was like “or…maybe life will get way better if you take if off. And if you leave it life will get worse. Want to make that choice” and I was like really stumped over it, then suddenly I was like ohhhhh ocd you tricky devil… and tore the sticker off. I go thru this exact experience about thrice a week.

[grapejuicegay]

A... rather personal defense of Pran

I've seen a lot of people being confused about Pran's behaviour and rather upset by him. But like @waitmyturtles said in their review, "I see Pran dealing with something really complicated." Which, yes. That's what this post is about. I just don't think it's about Singapore.

It's about Pran's OCD. I think there was a consensus last week with the way Pran talked about it that it was a recent diagnosis. And I think this episode just confirmed that for me.

This is where the personal part begins - I was diagnosed with OCD in 2020, in the very first few months of covid. When I told people about it I got about the same response that we had to Pran - it's not surprising but it's good that it's an official diagnosis now.

Such a diagnosis is almost a relief when you get it because suddenly a lot of things start making sense. But it also comes with a very fun challenge - learning to deal with it. Because while you understand why you get so much more anxious and overthink more than most people, you're also suddenly more aware of your thought patterns. You have to be, to find a way to work through them, to not give into the intrusive thoughts. But looking at the intrusive thoughts is one of the best ways to let them take over. You do have to look at them though, because you have to learn to recognise them. Because you cannot deal with them until you do. It's a rough cycle.

I was a few years older than Pran when I was diagnosed, and in a very different place in my life. The pandemic that we didn't know a lot about at that time looming over our heads did not help my anxiety, but the lockdown gave me something really special - time and space to work through it all. I wasn't in college so I didn't have the constant looming threat of deadlines and figuring out my future in that very moment. I also didn't have the very unique set of stressors Pran lives with - friends and family from whom you're hiding a relationship that if revealed could potentially lead to very severe consequences, consequences that in the past have been the worst of his anxieties come to life. Nor a relationship to maintain while being overtly aware at all times that this is not the kind of relationship your partner would really want, that they're only in this because of you.

And there is the sacrifice of it all. There is the thing that keeps coming up again and again - that Pat does so much for him. That Pat helps him all the time, that Pat's sacrificed so much for him, that Pran isn't sure he's good enough or ever will be.

Add to that the regular reminders from Pat that he overthinks. They're meant in a very good way and they do help in the moment, I'm not denying that at all. But it's also a fact that Pran struggles with. It adds to his concern that he's a burden on Pat with the way he thinks, that Pat has to do so much work because of Pran's brain, something Pat had no say over (something Pran had no say over but it's harder to see it like that in the moment).

I've had my diagnosis for the past 3 years now. And it hasn't been until the past year that I've finally started feeling confident in myself and my ability to regulate my anxiety, to finally start feeling like I have control over my brain. Because as much as knowing the diagnosis helps, the work you have to do afterwards is no joke.

So yes, Pran is going through something very heavy, but it's not the prospect of going to Singapore (I don't believe that exists just yet, but it's coming soon). Pran is in the process of figuring out how to make his brain work in his favour instead of actively against him. He's learning to rely on people when he needs to while fighting off constant reminders that he's a burden.

And we've seen Pran make a lot of progress. Any points at which he talks about being anxious are progress. Any time he lets himself be upset is progress. Any time time he says any of his worries out loud (even if he can't say them directly to Pat yet), he has fought his way through who knows how many intrusive thoughts to get to that point. And in the same regard - he probably feels guilty about having Pat say "I can't live without you" first. Because he's likely just as aware that Pat has done so much for him that this is just another thing he's adding on top of that.

But - and I think this is very big - he knows that he needs Pat to say it first, to give him permission to feel this, that this isn't too much for him to ask for. This is him asking for help to express himself when he feels like too much. It helps them both in the long run. And I do think it's a very important step to get what we saw in ep 12 - a Pran that demands love, that demands to be babied. This is him giving himself permission through the hardest part of learning his diagnosis.

I love that we get this between ep 11 and 12 because with this ep 12 also becomes a hug, a way of telling us things may be rough for him but he gets through it. He'll get where he needs to be, wants to be. Just give him some time. Because just like with the parents, sometimes time is just what you need.

[smolstarthief]

So has one ever reached a horrifying realization that Sumire technically got a glimpse of how Kasumi probably felt with her own peers? Especially the expectations and high praise towards her which made her seem perfect but probably got the same mistreatment from others like at Shujin but hid it all with a smile? 'Cause I just did the more I started to analyze the real Kasumi from what we do know.

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently