#We were cheering and rooting for them all through season 1

[candied-cae]

I am so sad that it seems like they're really done with Teal Oranges. Honestly, that's one of the biggest weak points of this season so far.

Season 1 ended not just with Stede and Ed separated, but notably with Oluwande and Jim and Pete and Lucius torn apart. That was something so many of us were so eager to see fixed, we wanted all those couples reunited as they are the two relationships that takes a supporting role right behind Gentlebeard and is able to exemplify the easier and more simple or stable nature of the couples who stay out of the main pairing's drama.

And with the introduction of Zheng Yi Sao and Archie, I like the characters. They're pretty fun, Zheng is so smart and tactful and Archie is so comedic and earnest. Between the two, Archie def needs more building, but I did find the Oluwande and Zheng romance to be genuinely compelling. But only if I wasn't thinking about Jim.

It just feels so sudden to have Jim and Oluwande be done with each other (romantically) considering they were definitely still a couple at the end of the season and it only seems like it's been a couple months since they last saw each other.

Had they just been best friends who ended up hooking up and were probably going to decide they worked better as friends, I would be way more on board and down for these new couples! But it felt like they were pretty clearly written as a serious relationship that we'd see stick together through the end.

And the entirety of us getting closure on their relationship is just- "I've missed you." "I kissed someone." "Okay then." "I also saw her boobs." "Cool, I guess, but I think that's tmi."

And my bestie pointed out, though Olu def seemed to be flirting back with Zheng, he didn't take things to kissing until after hearing that Jim was already kissing someone else. And when Zheng asks him, Oluwande doesn't say yes or no on if he and Jim are over. He dodges the question and just says they're his best friend and family. Which would usually be a kind of line used to mean he was still planning to be with Jim and didn't want to lie, but still wanted to kiss Zheng in the moment so he omitted the reality with a little half-truth.

Which usually would keep my hopes up about a possible polycule (I'm really trying to keep my hopes up about a possible polycule) but we have that article with David calling Olu and Jim exes and saying he wants to use them to represent more complex relationship structures in the queer community with exes keeping healthy friendships and- come on man.

I really don't wanna give up on Teal Oranges, but the more I rewatch and the more I think about them, the more I worry.

[sun-pluto]

PAC: What Have You Fallen In Love With Throughout the Year?

A collab with @tuliptic

Hi everyone! @tuliptic and I have worked hard on this pac collab and we hope it brings some cheer and guidance to those who need it this winter season :D This is meant to be both a self-reflection session and what to look forward to; Matz and I have done alternating parts for each pile. This is my first time doing a pick a card for the masses, and we’d appreciate feedback nonetheless!

When you’re ready, take deep breaths, hold for 3-4 seconds, then slowly breathe out. Take your time, and look at the 4 pictures given below. The piles go from left to right, top to bottom. Choose any pile with your intuition, not your eyes— you may choose more than one. 

Pictures are our own, borders were taken from here.

Pile 1 — Pile 2

Pile 3 — Pile 4

Pile One

What have you fallen in love with throughout the year?

What have you fallen in love with throughout the year?

Seven of Coins rx, Six of Wands, Nine of Swords rx, The World, Queen of Wands (The Moon rx)

You’ve fallen in love with the ability to see through the veil and cut to the truth of things. Disillusionment. This is the pile that has found their perspective zooming out into the big picture, and has connected with their divine guidance and intuition. You’ve managed to finally get things done and feel productive, while also setting fears down to rest. You’ve achieved some goal or found victory, and that has brought your drive and inspiration back to life. You feel lighter now, your burdens have been lifted; you’re falling back in love with the world and what it has to offer. This is all because you’ve understood what needs to be done and saw the higher perspective. There's wisdom to you that you’ve earned, like you’ve climbed up to the mountain top and have seen how far you’ve come.

You have a new beginning ahead of you and you’re not going to waste it, you have this emotional relief to you because of this, yet you have a determined fiery spirit. I feel like these are my old, wise souls.

Why did this happen?

Hermit (Fool) 

Six of Pentacles, Four of Wands, Three of Wands (Ace of Pentacles rx) + additional oracle cards

It’s telling you that it’s time for you to go back to your roots, to retreat and revisit your childhood, to be aware of the state of your inner child and indulge in whatever that used to put a smile on your face. There is this innocence that you’re called to return, to review how you’ve started the year, how you’ve fallen in love with whatever you’ve started, and whatever you’ve put on hold. You’ve been through so much that it’s time for you to do something that you’ve always wanted to do.

There’s a community that you’ve gotten throughout this time, and you’re also reminded of the part they have played in your life throughout 2022 – how they’ve helped you and how you’ve helped them. The small things in life and in the community that slowly built up into who you are. Giving back to the community is something I’m feeling here as well. Once you’ve reached the peak, only then you’re able to give back to what has helped you.

Why were you hesitating, why were you fighting it? Don’t you fight it, don't you hide it. Going back to something old may feel new and scary, but it’s worth stepping into it.

How did it help you during the year?

Ace of Coins, Six of Coins, Page of Swords (Eight of Swords) 

需卦 - To Wait, To Replenish

Your ability to unveil helped you see past limiting beliefs, restrictions, or anything oppressing you to put it bluntly, even if you were fighting against your own beliefs and walls. There were a lot of difficulties seeing your potential or even yourself clearly this year, either because of external influence or internalising limiting beliefs. There was a sense of shame about you, maybe criticism from superiors/colleagues or even friends and family that plagued you and followed you around like a shadow. You thought you couldn’t achieve what you wanted, your fears seemed too big to overcome, you felt out of control and pitted against.

However, your ability to see past the darkness and into the horizon saved you. You built yourself a shelter that spared you from the tornado of people’s opinions and projections; from your own self-doubts and fears. You’ve endured so much while still having that belief in yourself that you’ve painstakingly built, and now, you’ve waited out the storm and replenished yourself in vengeance. You managed to see past all these doubts and put it to rest, you grabbed every opportunity that turned out advantageous, especially regarding your material wellbeing (housing, finance, career, etc.). I see a lot of abundance here, and you’re not afraid to share this with those you treasure too. You found hope and ran with it, and look where it got you! You allowed yourself to shine and be curious again, and that’s something to be proud of.

What have you learnt from this?

The High Priestess, The Hanged Man (The Fool) 

Four of Swords, Eight of Pentacles, Ten of Cups, Knight of Wands (Two of Cups rx) + additional oracle cards

The entire year flew by but you’ve learnt to trust your intuition as you surf through the tides. Not to mention that there were some times that you’ve learnt to look at things through a different perspective the hard way. ‘Hard way’ as in something that happened or someone literally stepped up to shut you down with different facts and points of view. Especially when they have to remind you that you’re the victim. It’s difficult to accept that you were the fool in the situation but you’ve learnt.

You’ve also learnt about the importance of being at peace with yourself. There may have been times you did something that does not align with your values, and after doing them you felt so torn and weirded out.

You’ve felt you needed some rest with how life has been zooming past. Sure, you’ve learnt things, you’ve established amazing relationships, you’ve learnt the importance of interaction and reaching out to people, but there’s now a lack of emotional balance that you should be replenishing in yourself. Too many activities out there are making you slowly lose your sense of self; a sense of discord that has been messing within you. Probably it’s due to some worries of you getting replaced, that you’re not doing enough, but you’re reminded that there are a lot of things only you can do. Cast that fear aside, do not destroy yourself to be someone else.

How will this propel you forward?

Ten of Wands rx, Five of Coins, Nine of Coins (The High Priestess rx) 

复卦 – To Return, To Revive

For this pile, self-reflecting on all the things you’ve been through this year will be your greatest asset, as I feel you’ve learnt quite a lot of lessons. Where there are endings (letting go of limiting beliefs, end of unhealthy habits and coping mechanisms), it means there are new beginnings, and this is what I see for you: although you will definitely come across more obstacles in the future, this trait you’ve built and fallen in love with is going to unveil more opportunities and prosperity in places where you think you’re done for. You’ll be able to see opportunities or new ideas in places where you felt nothing could come out of it or that it’s fruitless. This could be talking about business opportunities, education or career advancement, old friendships and relationships, etc. You will find something new by analysing the past and uncovering a new pathway that could help you progress.

When you’ve made an error, the wisest thing to do is to return to where you started, as if you move forward, you’ll only set yourself up for more mistakes and failure. That being said, returning to your past can give birth to something new and progressive in the future when you’ve learnt from it.

There may be a period of time in the future where you’ll feel blocked from your intuition/inner guidance, however this trait/ability to unveil will help you bounce back. In times of despair and loneliness, your ability to cast away lies and deception by reflecting inwards will help you find your way out of any darkness. When you feel stuck and look back, you’ll realise how much you’ve gone through, and this can motivate you to push forward as all these (future) problems/obstacles seem smaller than what you’ve faced already. Your burdens will not feel so heavy anymore.

Extra advice and messages:

Justice, Emperor, Moon (Death) + additional oracle cards

Treat yourself well, do yourself justice. Set boundaries and do not fear them. Change. A lot of people fear setting boundaries, worrying how it’ll affect your social circle, your work circle and all. Thing is, people who are good for you will respect those boundaries and you’re not necessarily stopping all connections. You’re merely filtering who and what’s good for you. Practise courage each day and understand that what pleases us most shapes us. You wanna be someone comfortable to be with? Surround yourself with people with that quality. Remember the wise words of Marie Kondo, “Does this bring you joy?” Sometimes it doesn’t matter whether or not the person you’re with is actually good. If your perception of them is negative, do you still want to attach yourself to them? (Taken from Tumblr but it’s good so I’m including it here).

Sometimes the darkness of the night is scary but with each darkness only we get to appreciate the daybreak that brings hope. Open your heart to accept the fear and move into the light slowly but steadily, allow yourself to love and to be loved. You may have the feeling of building your own home or getting one, and you’ll achieve it, no worries.

Pile Two

What have you fallen in love with throughout the year?

Ten of Wands, Seven of Coins rx, King of Cups rx, The Magician rx, King of Wands (Queen of Cups)

You’ve taken to treasure your emotional endurance through it all, you have the ability to hold fast and go deep into your emotions, to transmute your pain into perseverance. Emotional strength and grit. You’ve been through so much this year, either being triggered or being reminded of your hurts and trauma during the year; it was like you had fallen into this dark hole where you couldn’t get out of for a long time. This is the pile that has been doing shadow work a lot, or at least has been revisiting old wounds, fears, doubts and your darkness over the year.

However, you’ve realised and fallen in love with how strong and transformative you are. You are seeing the deeper lesson and meaning behind your struggles and you’re transmuting it into skill and wisdom. You might still feel stuck, or stagnant and burdened, but you are healing even if you don’t realise it. You’re brave enough to still trudge forward and that’s all you will need. Trust me, there’s a lot more in store for you, you got the King of Wands as your last card and Queen of Cups at the back of the deck – know that you will feel emotionally fulfilled and healed soon due to your own grit and hard work.

Why did this happen?

The Devil rx, The Sun rx (The Fool) 

Ace of Pentacles, Ace of Wands, Seven of Swords (King of Pentacles rx) + additional oracle cards

This all happened for you to break away from a certain unhealthy habit or environment, to show you that over-optimism is not gonna help you from your worries, from your problems. You’ve gone through a lot and due to your circumstances, you were unable to leave. So you could only bear with it and pretend that everything is alright until everything just falls apart, which we will discuss in the other section of the reading.

Only by breaking away will you be able to have new beginnings, to be able to try new things, to invest your money and energy in new stuff that you’ve wanted to try without needing to hide or sneak around. Just make sure that your financial situation allows you to spend and invest.

For some reason, I feel that the new interest of yours may have some investigative themes? Maybe psychological related like MBTIs or enneagram, or even tarot? Where you feel drawn about how it linked with your life. Or maybe purchasing an astrology or tarot reading?

Just know whatever that has happened doesn’t stop you from receiving and accepting the joy and happiness coming your way. It’s difficult but you’re called to make changes towards a new you.

How did it help you during the year?

The Empress rx, Seven of Swords rx, Page of Cups rx (Ace of Cups rx) 

革卦 – To Change, To Revolutionise

You’ve managed to direct your own life and find a strategy for yourself in spite of everything; you’re pouring your own cup. Seeing how all your cards are reversed, something is telling me you had to learn to invent yourself once again, much like upending what you thought was your life and who you were. This year was particularly painful and difficult because you felt cut off emotionally or had creative blocks. For some, there was a hidden sneaky energy around you that you had to protect yourself from, and could be the thing that triggered past memories and wounds. Either that, or being secretive and sneaky about something had uncovered something about you that triggered you. There might’ve been chaotic life situations where there were too many things going on, wounds or old hurts coming up, fluctuating relationships and friendships etc.

Self-love and healing was super important, you really had to emotionally nurture yourself and this helped you in the end. You retreated within yourself this year, there was a lot going on outside yourself that urged you to look within. Sometimes, you have to reopen and treat an old wound in order for it to finally heal properly; you have to mend and shift broken bones to set it back right. This was painful for you, but it’s over now, you did it, and there’s only healing to come. I really feel like hugging this pile because of how lonely you might’ve felt, but know that there’s light on the horizon now. You’re almost there.

What have you learnt from this?

The Devil, The Tower, The Magician rx (The Chariot) 

Seven of Pentacles rx, Queen of Cups, King of Swords, Hierophant rx, Ace of Cups rx (Ace of Pentacles) + additional oracle cards

You’ve learnt that there are some things in life that are out of your control and that it’s okay. As long as you break free and make a jump, take that action to step out of your element to get yourself back. Sometimes, it’s difficult to step out of your comfort zone, but when things get desperate, you’ll be surprised by what you’re capable of doing. There’s a lot of hidden abundance that you have, may it be friendship or connections, and they’re the ones helping you out of whatever situations you were in. Provided you’ve decided to break free from those chains that were binding you down, then they’re there willing to help you.

You are probably having some flashbacks as you read this, where you’ve been more in tune with how you’ve been feeling the entirety of 2022. This is the time where you’ve felt the most… Unappreciated. Whatever you’ve done or worked for others have been looked past, and you can only regulate your emotions as it is, rationalising their actions as you try to cope with whatever you’ve been feeling throughout those times.

Still, no matter how much you’ve tried, passive aggressiveness or showing medical documents that you needed help, your cries and pleas were turned away. And you just… Lost your balance. But I believe quite a number of you saw this as an end to something oof and a new beginning to something yay.

How will this propel you forward?

The Sun, The Fool, Six of Wands (The Tower) 

小过卦 – To Slowly Progress, To Lay Low (Stay Humble)

What did I tell you? All your cards here indicate a happy, curious and renewed sense of perspective and life. There’s a lot of abundance that you’ve reaped because you’ve torn everything down to its base foundations, and now it’s time to build it back up.

You’ve made changes to yourself that have enabled you to strategise and move through life with grace now. There’s advice here about navigating through this discreetly now that you have this power, you’ve literally adapted and overcame and now is the time to weave your own story. Brick by brick, keep this on the down low as the cards are saying to keep progress slow and steady, focus on your daily life and what you can do in the present. There’s something here that wants your manifestations and progress to be discreet and stay in the moment while it’s being done. Exercise self-control fully.

You’ve broken down self-constructs that don’t serve you, and now you’re finding brightness and happiness while exploring something new/discovering something. A lot of you are discovering a new road you haven’t walked down before (a major life shift, career change, new relationships etc.), and the cards are saying it’s something to be celebrated. There’s victory and fulfilment up ahead with Six of Wands being your last card, you’ve got this!

Extra advice and messages:

Wheel Of Fortune (Lovers) 

Ten of Cups (The Star) + additional oracle cards

This is the time where the cogs turn and align cuz the Universe tells you that things are about to turn fine, hope has always been there and they’re now falling onto you. For some of you, you may find romantic love who wants to love you, who wants to bring a new fun into your life, to start something new with you. You may find it weird or what not, but open yourself to new possibilities, welcome the new beginnings that are about to come into your life. Let your heart be open to love as it manifests, especially for those who have been wanting to love and be loved romantically. Idk why but there’s a thought of pets? So maybe some of you may start to get your own pets or find comfort with your current pets.

Stand still and listen to your life, know that peace is an asset and that it’s time for you to claim it, along with prosperity and joy. Change will be prominent and you are called to embrace and adapt what is to come. There’s this constant theme of a new you, which I believe is what you’ve been called to welcome into your life. The year 2022 is ending soon and 2023 is saying hello from the other side. Isn’t it a better time to welcome a new you to walk towards? Life’s a constant journey and sometimes, just go back to the roots, go into the kitchen, make yourself a warm drink and allow peace to flow all over you.

Pile Three

What have you fallen in love with throughout the year?

King of Swords rx, Ten of Coins rx, The Hanged Man, The Empress, Two of Cups rx (Nine of Swords)

Discernment and judgement. You’ve fallen in love with the ability to cut away things that no longer serve you. The year has given you new priorities and shifts in perspective, and a rejuvenated sense of hope for the future and what it may bring. You may have been plagued by responsibilities and burdens that led to a lot of sleepless nights and self-doubts. Changed family dynamics, financial loss or difficulties, or relationship breakups could have occurred. However, through these events, you have discovered inner truths, found self-love and poured your own cup, which are the result of you facing these fears. And it all turned out for the better.

You’ve received abundance and creativity tagged along with rest and self-reflection; you’ve tapped into your well of inspiration and ideas. By contemplating and sorting through your own fears, you’ve nurtured and set yourself free. You’ve found prosperity in what was initially a loss. Not a lot of things chain you down anymore, you’ve aligned with yourself and the path you want to pursue, and most of all, you’ve wisened yourself in your principles and in setting boundaries.

Why did this happen?

The Empress (The Chariot) 

King of Pentacles rx, Queen of Wands rx, Knight of Pentacles (Six of Pentacles) + additional oracle cards

A chance for you to be gentle to yourself. There’s a lot of mentions of joy here in this question for this pile and personally, I find it significant to let yourself be enveloped in a gentle happiness, regardless of your past.

Here, you are very much called to be gentle with yourself. You’ve probably gone through some financial mishaps due to your own actions and you’re now much more introverted, shy and probably ashamed of what you’ve done, where you’re trying to reestablish your sense of self and what you should be doing. Finding confidence and resolving those issues are your priority now, as you’re probably now more practical. But then, even though these all had happened, please be kind to yourself, maybe visit your childhood a lil. Explore something in the past, and pay attention to what you’ve seen. Small things can also bring great happiness.

Don’t underestimate your childhood. Appreciate it and you may find something fun coming along. Whatever you’ve gone through, know that it’ll be all worthwhile as life is also an exploration, where we grow as we fall.

How did it help you during the year?

Two of Swords rx, Eight of Swords rx, Page of Cups rx (Six of Cups rx) 

讼卦 – To Come Into Conflict

Discerning and letting go helped you be the change you wanted to see. It helped clear your path ahead of you and lightened your worries. You got yourself out of the rut you found yourself in, took needed action to resolve problems, and poured into yourself. You focused on you instead of depending too much on others.

I sensed melancholic energy from this pile, perhaps you might have reminisced a lot of things and felt nostalgic; you’re far away from home or you just got out of a relationship. Cutting toxic energies though, is essential and sometimes leaving and letting go is necessary, and this is how your ability to resolve this helped you. When all the cards are reversed here, I take it to mean all the energy is directed inwards, meaning you connected back to your inner child and what they wanted, and sought to live out their hopes and dreams in your daily life for the better. This has helped you find your sense of wonder with the world again. There is a lot of rejuvenation in this pile because of the trait you nurtured, and this is similar to one of the previous piles, so check it out if you feel drawn to it.

What have you learnt from this?

The Chariot rx (The Moon) 

The World rx, Justice rx, Six of Swords rx, The Moon rx, Seven of Cups rx (Nine of Swords) + additional oracle cards

You probably have felt that the world is against you – the universe is not doing you justice. You probably have flashbacks of different situations but they mainly yell at you about the fears you’ve felt and how you’ve constantly been feeding your delusions that everything is fine when it’s already burning. I can’t phrase myself well enough but think of the meme of the dog sitting in a burning house saying “It’s fine.” It’s that kinda situation. The feeling of unfairness and delusions, thinking it’s what you deserve and not at the same time. It’s a conflicting energy yet it makes so much sense at the same time, mainly because of the fear that’s deep seated in you.

You’ve learnt the importance of timing. You now know when to move, and when to not move. The definition of movement strongly depends on what you define. It may be financial or investment, it may be moving places, it may be moving jobs, it may be leaving a place, etc. But the main part of this is the word “move”, which you’ve learnt through the hard way. Know that no matter how terrible of a person you think you are, your intentions and heart still deserves to be known by the people you trust, by the people you’ve connected in life. Know that friendship is also a form of abundance which you’ve failed to see at times.

Let go of self criticism, know you have what it takes, and you’ve learnt to treasure what are the important things that matters to you most.

How will this propel you forward?

Two of Cups rx, Five of Wands, The Hanged Man (Queen of Swords rx) 

涣卦 – To Scatter, To Be Changeable

Your pile has been getting The Hanged Man and Two of Cups reversed quite a bit, so I’m assuming there’s a lot of inner work and healing you still have to finish. Your ability to cut has been serving you well, but this point forward the cards are urging you to be emotionally open and reflective. The divination cards point to resolving conflict peacefully, and one of the tarot cards here is the Five of Wands – in your future, there may be more conflicts to follow, but your mental clarity and what you’ve learnt from past events will enable you to resolve this wisely.

You’re moving through life with strategy and a sense of efficiency now. You know what’s good for you, how to set better boundaries, and how to reflect to make decisions. You have more energy to pursue your goals with enthusiasm and drive. You’ve found a sense of purpose that you’re currently driving towards and it’s helping you move forward to achieve.

Extra advice and messages:

Judgement (The Chariot) 

Strength, King of Pentacles (Nine of Wands) + additional oracle cards

Do not judge yourself. The world is already doing that, so stop judging yourself over everything you’ve done, over every mistake you’ve made. And you should be walking away from it. It’s gonna take a lot of strength to walk away from this self criticism, but it is possible. Start by being kind to yourself, allow yourself to make mistakes, give yourself a chance to learn.

Change is needed, change is coming. Take your time to go through those changes, be patient, and then you’ll reap the rewards from it. Your dreams will be inspiring you and guiding you through them as you attract the things you’ve manifested. Do not be afraid as your guides are with you. Remember to be grateful to what you’ve gotten from the universe and people around you, and always look inside you. You are worth what it is you desire.

I feel like this pile already knows what to do and how to get it done, so there isn’t much message I can get for this pile.

Pile Four

What have you fallen in love with throughout the year?

Death, Seven of Swords, King of Cups rx, Queen of Swords, The Fool rx (Three of Coins rx)

You’ve fallen in love with being independent and being self-taught. I hope I’m not being too crass, but this pile seems like you’re appreciating the fact that you’re able to cut cords and sever ties easily. This seems like a culmination of the other piles except you’re proud of this fact. This does not have to be unhealthy – knowing what’s good for you and how to align yourself is crucial, plus it allows you to plan ahead and be decisive in what you want. Remember to just keep this in moderation, this power also comes with accountability for your actions as well as its consequences.

Another transformative pile, you’ve renewed yourself after uncovering another facet of yourself through life events. You have this independent and business-like energy to you that you couldn’t see before but are appreciative of it now. You may have a sharp tongue and realised the power of your words, while also bearing a sharp mind. You’re appreciative of the fact that you can be cunning and that you’re no fool. Over this year you might have encountered difficulties especially regarding teamwork with others, communication and relationships. However, this newfound appreciation for working independently has given you self-confidence and the ability to speak for yourself.

Why did this happen?

The World, The Hierophant, The Sun rx (The Fool) 

The Emperor, The Sun, Six of Pentacles, The Magician rx (Queen of Cups) + additional oracle cards

There are quite some nice things that have been happening to you and you’re called to remember where you’ve started and to not have your ego inflated, because whatever it is, it can be taken away again. There’s The World here, however I do not think of it as something positive. If anything, it serves as a warning here, to not be a fool to let your pride eat you up.

You’re also called to fix your attitude now, pronto, else you’ll lose the shine. Remember your roots, remember your childhood, remember who you wanted to be. Do not be manipulated or manipulative to others. Know that you actually have the power, especially in the field of intuition, emotions and finances. But once again, do not attempt a game where you can’t deal with the negative outcomes. You hold a lot of strength and power, do you choose dignification or nah?

How did it help you during the year?

Five of Cups rx, Two of Cups rx, Knight of Cups rx (Queen of Wands rx) 

遁卦 – To Evade, To Self-Preserve

There is this stalwart energy to this pile. You’ve found an inner drive to you that you kept to yourself, you didn’t use it to demean or criticise others, but instead used it to help yourself improve and learn. There might have been problems with your relationships with others, but after all that hurt, you chose not to self-pity but instead learnt from these past transgressions to build yourself back up. This insulated feeling you have built for yourself could have stemmed from people around you backstabbing or putting too much pressure on you – you might not have received much kindness from those around you.

This sharpness of both mind and tongue has led you to pick your battles wisely, you did not start fights you could not finish; you did no harm, took no shit. You did what you could to get out of the situation you were in, you were smart enough to evade and stand strong in yourself at the same time. Most of all, you are not victimising nor putting yourself down, which is what’s helping you drive forward. This self-confidence and drive will get you far, you’ll turn the tables and attract the right people as well sooner or later.

What have you learnt from this?

Judgement, The Star, The Devil, The Empress (Temperance) 

Six of Pentacles, The Hanged Man rx (Ace of Pentacles) + additional oracle cards

Flashbacks of you judging people probably will be prominent? Although whatever you’ve said is not wrong, they probably can be worded better. You actually realise and learnt your own flaws and have been slowly learning to be gentle with yourself. Cups seem really evident here so… I hope y’all don’t have any drinking problems or having drinking as a coping mechanism. Drinking as celebration is okay but not for coping. Being gentle with yourself doesn’t talk about addiction and constant drowning in ways that you “think” that “help” you. Balance is needed in everything.

Once again, you’ve been reminded to remember who you wanted to be, and to take some time for yourself for some self introspection. You’ve probably learnt to be more generous with your finances and help but most importantly, you’ve learnt to see things from people’s perspective the hard way. It feels like other people have been yelling off at you to make you understand their pain. But once you’ve amended your ways for the better, better things will come to you. Life is a cycle, a circle. What goes around comes around.

How will this propel you forward?

The Emperor rx, Ace of Cups, Queen of Cups rx (Seven of Wands rx) 

蹇卦 – Incoming Trouble

Before I make my points, like what Matz said above, both of us are pulling out Cups cards a lot for this pile, hence there is this emphasis to connect more with your emotions; connect back to your heart. Find solitude and peace to work your complexity out. Mind and heart can and should work together, there is no need to separate them. Find a pathway for them to connect and flow, allow yourself to continue to forgive and let go, and you should be able to deal with what is to come.

Soon, this ability you’ve fallen in love with will help you push forward in your goals, and continue to help you in your perseverance. You will be determined and driven to action, you’ll be ambitious and grounded enough to succeed. This ability has given you street-smarts and wisdom that will help push you forward and overcome any obstacle, however you may be feeling despondent and drained right now, hence the call to connect back to your soul and what makes you soft again. The Emperor reversed and Queen of Cups reversed is paired with the Ace of Cups – there are going to be great opportunities for emotional fulfilment and relief in your future, however there needs to be balance in both your masculine and feminine sides.

In the divination card, the space above the mountain symbol has changed from air (communication problems) to water (being emotionally overwhelmed/blocked), signifying trouble ahead. For those of you who resonate with this, Matz has already said, take time to be with your emotions. Acknowledge them. Your feelings deserve to be heard and felt, because you deserve to move forward. Do not be brash or impatient, what’s to come will arrive in its own time.

Extra advice and messages:

The Emperor (The Hermit) 

Knight of Pentacles rx (Two of Pentacles) 

Square/semi-square/quincunx - Tension, South Node - Past (Vesta - Hearth) + additional oracle cards

First message I’m getting is to not be an authoritarian. Have your authority, but do not use it to oppress others. Be kind, be responsible with the power you hold. Balance is needed in every aspect. Tensions are not gonna help, and do not let past tensions pull you down either. Focus right now in the present, be here with willing hands and heart to help those who are in need. Remember that good partnerships are made of equal amounts of positivity and you need to focus on wholeness. Wholeness of the entire team, the entire group.

Transformation is on its way to you. Breathe in, breathe out. Know that your guides and your intuition is helping you to be better, to open up new possibilities. It’s up to you to step into new beginnings that are opened to you. Manifest whatever that you want, may it be work success or relationship success. Return back to the heart of the house, to make yourself a cup of tea and rest.

Thank you so much for reading and interacting!

[igotanidea]

Selflessness : Matt Murdock x fem!reader pt 1

Request: Ages ago (I'm so, so, sorry) @somest1 gave me an idea: in her free time from law school(*) reader does kind of volunteering - helping people in the church under the guidance of Matt's mom. Season 3 where he is healing in the church, so she basically helps him, but doesn't know who he is.

I changed it a bit and decided to divide it into parts (probably up to 3 or 4) but the main idea stays unchanged. Once again, I'm sorry and hope you enjoy it :)

***

„I’ve taken care of the kids in the room 6, sister Maggie. They seem unruly, but to tell the truth all they need is some care and attention.”

“Thank you, Y/N. You are a saint.” Sister Maggie Grace smiled lightly at the girl. Normally, she was far more reserved in her opinions and praises but this girl brought on the softer side of the nun.

“I assure you. I am not. I made a lot of mistakes in my life. Some worse than others.” Said girl looked down, a bit ashamed of her past.

“We all did, Y/N. What is important is that you are trying your best to do good. You help people.”

“I still think like I’m not doing enough….. Like there are so many men and women and kids who are suffering …..”

“You sound awfully like someone else I know…..”

“Really? Who?” that little tone of curiosity In her voice was not a good sign. Y/N was the nicest person even but also the one who wouldn’t take no for an answer. If she wanted to do or know something there was no power in earth, heaven or hell that would prevent her from it. She would charm her way around, getting exactly what she set her mind to.

“Doesn’t matter. But he has the tendency to put himself on the cross and take the pain and suffer from everyone in the name of greater good.”

“Seems like a charming person.” Y/N smirked

“Oh, you poor girl…..” Maggie sighed and shook her head. It was better to just distract her little helper from whatever was going on inside her head and heart “if you are done talking here, off you go. You might have covered for 6, but little Tom has been crying all night again. I have no idea why, but you are like the only person who can get to him, so why don’t you focus on the job?”

“On it, sister Maggie.” Y/N flashed her most beautiful smile and with her sunshine and rainbow attitude left the nun by herself.

“Don’t you think she could be the one to help our guest downstairs, Maggie?” the second Y/N was out of sight father Lantom emerged from the adhering porch.

“No.”

“Maggie.”

“No, Paul. I’m not putting her into this mess. She’s been through enough.”

“And you are wondering who Matt took his stubbornness after.” Lantom muttered, but it was done with his representative sympathy. He was not the one to mock people. “I’m just saying, that perhaps she will help him see the other side of life. Not all the darkness and evil. And bring him back up. She has a natural talent for it, and you know it.”

“If anything it would consume and crash her. Just like it did to Matt. I’m not letting another kid go through something like that.”

“She’s not a kid.” Lantom shrugged but turned serious under the nun’s stern gaze  “Just think about it Maggie, that’s all I’m asking.  She’s been through a lot and nothing broke her, so maybe she’s stronger than you presume.”

“Hm.” Maggie scoffed

“Promise me, you’ll consider it. You know I only want what’s best for both of them.”

“Fine, fine, I promise.” she threw her hands in the air “you are so persistent at times. God have mercy on us all if they were to meet.”

***

Y/N Y/L/N was a perfect kid. Obedient, helpful, cheerful. Great student coming from a good family. An only child, never causing any trouble. Listening to her parents, her teachers, her lecturers. Graduated with honors and getting her MD, even if it came as a surprise to those who knew her. She always gave an impression of a person who would focus rather on some humanistic studies like  literary science or philology.

Her choice however was deeply rooted in her past, in her good family heritage.

You know this saying that every family has its secret. Some of them have more than it seems, and sometimes so called good ones are truly the worst, after you strip them from all the window dressing and hypocrisy.

Y/N had to be good and avoid trouble. Otherwise, any manifestation of disobedience, even the slightest would be met with extensive punishment. Most of the times leaving her with literal bruises, that she had to learn to cover and in tears and sobs that she had to muffle to avoid harsh words and accusation of her being weak and pathetic. Both of her parents were esteemed at work, mum being a CEO and dad a computer programmer and were extremely busy. To say the least, they have little to no time to take care of a kid, more often than not leaving Y/N wondering why the hell did they decide to have one in the first place. Their relationship was based on the how was school, did you do your homework  and what grade did you get from the test questions. And that was only from her mother, her dad never cared enough to even form them. Excusing himself with tiredness and the argument that woman should be taking emotional care of the kid, especially a girl.

All things considered, Y/N was lonely. She did not really have any friends, because how can you form any relationship if you have no good patterns of how it should look like. How can you connect with someone when all you know are quiet evenings filled with work and avoiding another members of the family. What was surprising about her, was that despite all this gloominess and coldness stemming from her closest surrounding she developed this quiet, inner happiness, calmness and peace. When there was problem she was the one to keep straight head and solve it. When someone was in distress she was the one to ease the situation and placate the conflict. But despite that, she was lonely. Always looking for something more, trying to make it better for people who were less privileged then her. And that was how she ended up volunteering at the convent under sister Maggie’s guidance.

She quickly proved herself to be great working with kids, and Maggie warmed up to this optimistic, energetic soul in a way that surprised and delighted father Lantom. It’s been three years of her work there now and she gained sympathy and trust of both.

***

 “Hey there little guy” Y/N entered the room when Tommy was placed. His back was to the door but he turned around as soon as he heard the girl’s voice.

“Hi, miss Y/N.”

“Some little bird told me you had a hard night?”

“I wasn’t sleeping” he rubbed his eyes with fists, looking so small and fragile, Y/N heart was breaking.

“Come here.” she sat on the edge of the bed and opened her arms, in which the boy immediately dived in. This poor little one, abandoned by his mother was in desperate need of warmth and whatever little joy could be given. And Y/N was more than willing to give hugs to him. “Did you have nightmares, again?” he muttered something, hiding face in her sweater “come on, Tommy, I need you to use human language.” She laughed

“It was the clown.” He pulled away, a few tears dripping down his cheeks

“Again? Oh, you poor thing.” Y/N caressed his cheeks rubbing the water away “was it that guy at school again?”

“Yes. He’s making me scared…..”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll settle that matter” she embraced him once again rocking gently from side to side “and in the meantime…..”

“Why is the time mean?”

“Oh, no, it’s not like….. “ the girl could not stop the giggle. Luckily the boy smiled as well, dispelling her worries that he might feel laughed at “ you know what, in fact, we are going to have a really, really nice time. I got a new book if you are interested. No clowns there. How does that sound?“

“Ok.” he mumbled

“Ok? Good. I’m gonna pick it up in just a second…..”

“Can you hug me some more?” the boy asked

“Sure, Tommy. We got time here.”

“Y/N?” Lantom was like a literal ghost, appearing out of shadows, out of nowhere “how’s out little fella doing?”

“I think it’s nothing  a good story and a serious talk with certain guy from room 11 could not fix.”

“Was it Anton again?”

“Mhm. Unfortunately. I’ll talk to him.”

“I think this boy may need some more seriousness than you can treat him with.”

“I can be serious.” She scoffed moving towards Lantom with twinge in her eyes, causing Tom to hold onto her tighter and  whimper.

“That’s good. Because we got one serious matter we need to discuss.”

“We being me and you, father?”

“We being you, me and sister Maggie.”

“Oh. I don’t know if I’m worthy enough.”

“You are the most trustworthy person we know, Y/N.”

“All right then. I’ll meet you after I make sure Tommy is taken care of.”

***

“You want to me to take care of a guy in the basement.” She repeated, both Lantom and Maggie watching her reaction carefully. She showed no emotions and it was hard to guess what was going inside her head. “Is he in need?”

“Yes.”

“All right then.” she shrugged “I’ll help.”

“Just like that? No more questions?”

“Why would I need any? If you trusted him enough to take him in. It’s not like he is the daredevil, right?" she smirked (not realising how shocked her interlocutors were for a moment) "So of course I’ll help. Should I go now?”

“You know the way.” Lantom managed to say, since Maggie couldn't force herself to say a word.

“On it, father.” she smiled, using her typical sentence and walked away.

“I think we made a mistake here, Paul.”

“She’ll be fine. She’s gentle but not naïve and know how to take care of herself.”

“I still think we made a mistake.”

to be continued (part 2 is up)

@pinksirensong

[questforgalas]

My thoughts on TBB Season 2 finale

It's a long one so strap in if you enter

First, before I get started, I wanted to say that this has been such a fun season to watch, and the interactions I've had with everyone in this fandom has made my Wednesday and weeks since January so delightful. I know hiatuses see a lull in activity, and some people are going to need to step away for a bit, but I just wanted to say thanks for being such a warm and open environment (at least the little corner I've found myself in). Here's to fingers crossed that the panel at Star Wars celebration in just a couple weeks brings us confirming great news!

Love ya all. Mama Tay is here with blankets and ice cream for the Tech babes if you need it. My man is unconscious on a torture table and my babygirl is a captive so we can all cry into the containers together

I'm able to watch the episodes at 8am EST every week, it's my little weekly routine I look forward to, so I've had a couple hours to process my one watch through of the finale episodes, and, just, wow.

Warning, "The Breaking of the Fellowship" just started playing on my playlist so who knows where this is about to go lol. Let's go to feelings town

The Bad Batch Season 2

I have not been quiet about how much I love season 2. Out of 16 episodes, there are maybe 2 that could be written off, but put them anywhere in season 1 or any TCW season, and they'd be some of the best episodes, which only adds to how well written and well done this season was.

I'm a Crosshair girl, not just in a "heart eyes spindly toothpick" sort of way, in fact that really didn't develop until halfway through season 1 - which my therapist definitely doesn't need to analyze - but his personality and his subtle devotion to his squad sucked me in from the beginning. So even with how little we had of him this season (granted, what we did get was some of the best television I've ever watched), this season is up there for me.

The character development for all batchers but especially Omega, Tech, Echo, and Crosshair was intriguing and dynamic, and that's not to say Hunter and Wrecker didn't have their moments either. They did, they were just much more subtle. We saw a lot more of Hunter's enhanced senses at play and Wrecker's knowledge, not just fascination, of explosives, but that pales in comparison to the other four.

The universe expansion was everything to me. We don't have anything depicting the rise of the Empire. We've never seen it's take over and the effects that rippled across the galaxy. We've only ever seen the afterwards, so to get this eery and terrifying depiction is exactly how I'd expect the galaxy to feel during that time, and I really applaud the creators on being so detailed with it.

The Finale Episodes

Wow. Just, wow. Admittedly, I had two reactions to these episodes.

The first was as the Crosshair fan who's put a lot of my emotional stability on this group of animated misfits, and that reaction hated these episodes. Not because I didn't think they were done well (getting into that in a second) but because I latched onto the Bad Batch's dynamics as a family since TCW and I so deeply in my soul to the point it's almost a wound in my heart want them back together again. I fell in love with the TCW Bad Batch, and I want that dynamic back so I've been rooting for it since "Aftermath", and every time we were given crumbs of a possibility that could happen this season, I devoured them and clutched onto them like they were my lifeline. So yes, from that perspective I hated these episodes.

Now, from the Star Wars fan taking a step back from my fanon - holy freaking shit. I laughed. I cried. I sobbed. I oooo'd. I cheered. When they stopped "The Summit" in the middle of the action, similar to how they broke up "Spoils of War" and "Ruins of War", it hit me that we weren't getting the reunion I desperately hoped for, and I took a minute to grieve that, went into acceptance, and then dove into "Plan 99".

Again, were there points throughout both, especially "Plan 99", that I was going "oh I hope this happens" or "ok annnnnd now!"? Yeah, absolutely (cut to Omega waking up at Cid's and me going "nice this is when they reveal it was all a bad dream and Tech's gonna walk in in 3..2..1..."). Did I have 4 other endings in my head halfway through the episode? 1000%. But it's not my creation, and based off of what we were given all of season 2, it all made sense to me. Even the things that made me have to pause for 4 minutes while I sobbed into my hands.

We are set up for an extremely action packed, spy/political thriller filled, intriguing season 3, and that wouldn't have happened if the season didn't end the way it did. If it was all tied up neatly in a bow, then there would be a lot more doubt, in my mind, about 1. if we'd even get a season 3 and 2. what the heck it was going to be about.

I'm not going to get into individual character analyses, but I thought everyone was in character. There was not a moment in either episode I thought "huh that doesn't really fit does it?" All of them were on brand in my opinion, and I again encourage people to take a step back and separate fanon from canon.

So why the emotional impact?

One of the things I've really had to process and think through is why this finale was staying with me like it is. I mean, I've been a Star Wars fan since 1999. I lived through watching Revenge of the Sith in theaters. I, like many of us, watched "Victory and Death" at the beginning of a very dark time in the world. I gripped the edge of my theatre seat watching Rogue One, praying they made it out like I hadn't known the end of their story for 25 years. But none of those endings stayed with me the way TBB finale is.

Sometimes something stays with me for an hour, maybe more, but I've never had any show have a finale where throughout the day as I thought about it, I burst into tears in varying degrees, and I can feel that being the case for awhile. Honestly, I haven't put my finger fully on it yet, but I think one of the reasons why is because all of those other endings I mentioned above - ROTS, Rogue One, TCW - and really any Star Wars media so far, has not had such a sorrow filled ending in such a dark period of time without us knowing the story after already.

ROTS we knew the outcome of that 20 years before. Rogue One even longer. TCW was filling in the gaps of a story long concluded. The Mandalorian is set in a time when it's supposed to be peaceful and the galaxy is mostly living in the light, so even when Mando and Grogu are separated, it's sad to witness the pair be apart, but there's no umbrella threat that makes the separation dangerous.

We are in the darkest period of time that we as Star Wars fans know in TBB. That is the point of the series - it's not just about these clones and how they cope post war. It's we the fans seeing how terrifying the Empire is beyond just the two sith lords running it. The inner workings and how easily they squash hope within their own government. We as the fans are meant to watch the Batch and love the family but be terrified of what can be waiting for them around every corner.

And that's not to mention we have no idea what the fate of the clones is. First off, the events of A New Hope are 20 years away. Rebels and the Obi-Wan Kenobi show are the only medias we have depicting the time between ROTS and ANH, and they barely scratch the surface. Rex is canonically confirmed to survive to Return of the Jedi, and we have Gregor and Wolffe in Rebels, but where the heck are the rest of them. We don't know. We literally don't know, and we're now left to speculate what that could possibly entail for the clones (especially the Batch) on any given day, let alone when we're left with two of them as captives of the Empire and one "dead". It is, in my opinion, one of the most devastating endings to a Star Wars media because of the terror it can hold.

Tech's Fall

Why yes, this would be the part I had to pause the show for and sob over for 4 minutes.

Tech has been my second favorite member of the Batch since they were introduced in TCW. This unapologetic, enthusiastic nerd who knows what he likes and hyperfixates on it spoke to me on levels, as I know he did for many of you - especially after "The Crossing" (I personally cannot relate to the ND connection, but was really happy to see the community joyous over the moment).

I, like many of you have already said in your thought posts, had the growing pit in my stomach each time they developed his character. The constant-optimist in me latched onto the possibility that just once they wouldn't pull that shit on us, but obviously that wasn't the case.

Tech and Crosshair's sacrifices punch me in the gut. Both of them are to save their family and give their family a chance. To have Wrecker and Tech bicker back and forth even up to the last minute like brothers do, and then the fucking awful shot of Wrecker watching his brother fall knowing he did it so they could have a chance. As a sibling, I couldn't handle it (I've actually started crying again now writing this). If I was Tech and that was my family, I'd do the same thing. If I was Wrecker watching that in front of me, I'd be on my knees screaming.

The scene was shot chaotically to make us, the viewer, feel panic and feel the gravity of the situation the Batch was in while seeing tiny moments when maybe they could pull it off, maybe Tech is moving faster than we think, maybe the car will come online and speed away, all to keep us hanging on while feeling the pressure of the environment they were in to then watch the fall and feel anything but relief, just like the Batch.

Now, onto what's keeping me hanging on

Is Tech Dead?

No, and I'm blaming Echo for this, but I do not think he's dead. And I do not think that takes away from his sacrifice either.

First of all, this is Star Wars. Unless you see the body, they ain't dead. @jealous-sloth77 even made the point of Darth Maul in their thought post. My dude was cut in half and fell down a supposed never ending shaft, but came back with the v-neck of all v-necks and a 200 step revenge plan, then literally became the cockroach of Star Wars.

Let alone the direct parallels to Echo Tech's fate could have.

So stay with me on this for a second, and I may be giving Filoni and Corbett and Rau a little more credit than they deserve, but follow me here.

Echo's blown up at the citadel in Season 3 of TCW. Not season 6 and then reappears a season later. 4 seasons of separation, and given the cancellations and renewal breaks, you're talking literally 10 years in between his death and his revival, which narratively makes no sense to me. And don't get me wrong, I know the Dominos were a fan favorite and Fives and Echo were a fun pairing, but all in all, Echo appeared in five episodes? Maybe six before he's killed off? And only 3 of those was he a "main" character. Compared to many other clones and characters, that's not exactly a recipe for "bring the fan favorite back 10 years later". So that makes me think that Echo coming back, especially the way he did, was setting the ground work for something. Now hang with me here.

In Mando S2E1, Mando kills the Krayt dragon by going inside of it, a monster who's stomach is literally full of acid, and blows it up from the inside out, dramatically coming out pointedly covered in the krayt acid showing that it has no affect on beskar. Then 2 minutes later we get the cameo of Boba Fett in the sunset, a character who last we saw was swallowed by a monster, supposedly digesting in stomach acid. Then in Book of Boba Fett, we see that because of his beskar armor, he survived the sarlacc, etc, etc. My point is, Star Wars has recently developed a habit of setting long-con explanations in various medias. Planting the seed you could say. So it's not far fetched to theorize that they brought Echo back from a ship explosion that we were made to think nothing but his helmet survived so they could set the ground work for other characters to be dramatically saved/scavenged and "brought back to life".

I mean, this is the world of Palpatine clones so, it's not out there.

That's not to mention the scene of Hemlock bringing Tech's goggles to Ord Mantell and making a point of mocking his death in front of them. Hemlock's entire purpose is to unlock the cloning techniques of the Kaminoans, and suddenly the literal genius is separated from them, assumed dead. If I'm an evil-scientist like Hemlock, I'm figuring out anyway to make sure Tech's alive.

So yes that's a long-stretch plan that gives Corbett, Filoni, and Rau a lot of credit for potentially thinking multiple seasons of plot lines through at the beginning, which, honestly, would be a good strategy considering the time period they're navigating around so I don't think it's that crazy to consider.

However, the main fact that I'm latching onto that Tech's not dead is the same fact that I've latched onto ever since "Aftermath" to tell myself Crosshair will be back with the Batch someday, and that's because it narratively makes no sense in context to how the Batch were introduced to us to keep them separated.

Think back to TCW S7, when the Batch are introduced. That was 4 episodes highlighting a tight knit, unique, family unit who all complimented each other to round out an unbeatable unit. Their sibling dynamic was the main focus of that group and is what made me fall in love with them, and it made no sense to me that they separated that dynamic within the first 10 minutes of the first episode and now to further separate it by taking Tech away.

I feel this so strongly in regards to Crosshair and Tech. I was sad when Echo left, and I was confident he was going to be with them again, but his departure didn't hit me the same way as Crosshair's and now Tech's. It just does not make sense to me to have the OG 4 separated permanently given how they were presented to us. It would be one thing if they went all in on the "Crosshair's evil" route and semi bait-and-switched us, but given his evident loyalty to the Batch and clear, long path of him being back with them someday, it really would not make sense to me for them to "swap one out for the other". That, in my opinion, would be lazy writing, and with how much love and care the creators have shown this series, I cannot fathom them throwing in the towel like that.

Unfortunately until the new season, I'll sadly have to accept the fact that he is gone and in our eyes right now, he's dead. And that hurts. It really does, but boy, am I grasping onto this last analysis like it's my tether over Mustafar

Love ya all. Mama Tay is here with blankets and ice cream for the Tech babes if you need it. My man is unconscious on a torture table and my babygirl is a captive so we can all cry into the containers together

[lillie98]

Heartstopper 2 Ramble (SPOILERS)

I just finished Season 2 of Heartstopper and wow. I had high expectations after Season 1, but I was not prepared for this emotional rollercoaster. The entire cast and crew poured their heart and souls into this project, and I am eternally grateful. I fear I won’t survive Season 3.

First of all, Imogen absolutely killed me. I wasn’t sure about her Season 1, but she won me over. Her reaction to Nick Coming Out was precious and awkward and completely sincere. Her monologue with Ben had me cheering at my little tv, and I actually rooted for her. I’m glad Alice gave Imogen another shot. She deserved it.

I was really worried about Ben’s storyline and how he would play into everything, but I’m SO glad they didn’t make Charlie accept his fake-ass apology. It dripped with manipulation tactics and danger. Good on Charlie for recognizing them and standing up for himself. Him essentially saying that Ben Sexually Abused him was difficult to watch but also so empowering. I’m still not sure if Ben is gay or not, but it really doesn’t matter to me. As Charlie said, Ben permanently broke his brain and he will live with the consequences for the rest of his life. You don’t get your happy rainbow, Ben, because you almost took Charlie’s away. Also, the Paris dinner scene was incredible. Joe Locke did not utter ONE WORD and yet you knew exactly what was going through Charlie’s head.

Speaking of Joe’s incredible acting, the fainting scene was immaculate. I loved the pre-fainting on the stairs and how Charlie ignored it, not wanting to freak out Nick, but it caught up to him quickly. I literally saw the light leave his eyes and his body weight pull him down. The use of the white border, double vision, and audio distortion made it incredibly realistic along with the way Joe let himself fall completely limp in Kit’s arms. You truly believed he was unconscious. My only critique is I wish we had seen him wake up and Nick reassure him he’s safe. Talking about Charlie’s beautiful blue eyes.

Charlie’s ED was handled with gentleness and grace by everyone, but especially Joe and Alice. It was a slow build that made sense and felt realistic without hitting you over the head with it. It’s beautiful to see this misunderstood community represented in mainstream media, especially when it comes to boys’ Mental Health. I loved Nick’s mom picking up on it, even if she didn’t fully understand. Good moms always know.

Tao and Elle were adorable and I loved watching Tao read the WikiHow article and then ask Elle out. Thank God they cut his hair, it was hurting. A lot. I’m glad Elle decided to go to Art School and pursue her dreams, it’s what she deserves. A place where she feels at home and accepted for who she is, where she’s surrounded by like-minded people who love and accept her.

I know Alice has tried to make Jane Spring more likable, but it’s not working for me. Sorry. If you don’t accept your child’s partner, you don’t accept your child. Period. She reminds me of Darcy’s mother. Jane Spring, I am in your walls.

The final scene broke me. It set up Season 3 perfectly while wrapping up the events of this season. Charlie looked so broken and lost admitting what he’d done to himself and Nick had no idea how to help him. So he did what he could, hold Charlie close and remind him that he is loved. Fully and completely. Watching Charlie walk home in Nick’s sweatshirt was like watching Nick carry him home—protecting him from the monsters in his mind. Also, the song that plays (the one that broke my brain) is from Wasia Project, Will Gao’s (who plays Tao) band. So, in a way, Tao was watching over him, too. The stark contrast between the Season 1 ending and this one is startling, but in the best way. Go back and listen to the lyrics of the final song, it will break your heart. “You’re the only one left, so please don’t go.” Nick is terrified that Charlie won’t make it and doesn’t know how he’ll handle losing his entire world. I can’t wait to see the GA’s response (those who didn’t read the comics). This is not the Heartstopper they thought they were getting. But for us who did read, it was nothing short of perfect. Thank you, Alice Oseman and team, you created a masterpiece.

[the-witchs-archives]

[MINI ARC 2 - The Holiday Cheer]

[SCENE 1]

It was a wintery night, the finest layer of white coating all where it could reach. Spreading far and wide, a grand forest even felt its gentle touch.

A simple cabin, encased in roots, stood warmly against the cold air, the sound of boots crunching through fallen leaves and freshly laid snow. Their body was covered in a coat with a logo, one that represented where they were housed for now.. but with the season, they came to visit another place. A rap-rap-rap on the door, and a familiar voice.

"Mom? You there?"

They questioned, only for someone else to open the door.. one with red eyes and villainous horns.

"Oh, Kiwi. Your mother is inside, currently attending to your room."

"Hi Aunt! Sorry I got here so late, y'know travel and all.."

"-Yes yes, now get inside."

With the drag of a gloved hand, the biker was pulled inside by the former evil of Earthbread, who now took her time to enjoy luxury. The home was decorated softly with elements of holiday cheer, a warm smell of hot cocoa wafting through the abode, drawing Kiwi's attention. He missed home, and he was so glad to be back.

Kiwi's mother was none other than the messed up one of the evil sisters, Matcha Cookie, who was affected by the Fall but didn't get much horror from it, no, instead she was improved by it.

The tall plant covered and cloaked cookie exited Kiwi's room and saw him standing there.

"Hoohoo!... my son!.. you came home!"

She was excited to see him, even if it could only be shown by the eye that shines through the shadows shrouding her face, she was intimidating to those who encounter her in the dark but in reality, she's sweeter than a magical sugar cube!

Matcha rushed over to hug him, grabbing onto him so tightly that if his dough and sugar bones were a roll cake tree, they would be shattered into splinters.

"GH- M-Mom, a L-Little Less?-"

"He's asking you to tone down the hug, Matcha."

Dark Enchantress commented, the cloaked female easing her grip as she held him close, a happy smile to her face.

"Hoo... It's been some.. time, my child!"

"I was going to be here sooner, but we had a lot happen at Sugarcane, so there wasn't much time.. but now I'm here! I'm really glad to see you again!"

Matcha finally released after being satisfied with the hug, holding her son's hand in her own. The so called Aunt rolled her eyes at this, though, and went to grab the cocoa for the family to share.

"A bit more pressure and you would have snapped him like a twig. Now, how about we cut it with that lovey dovey family stuff and just relax with some of this... uh, drink."

"Hoo... this stuff is hot cocoa, Enchantress!... hehe.. Kiwi and Herb.. used to always beg me for it!.. every winter.. hoohoo!"

Matcha was smiling despite everything going on.. she was happy to help her sister get used to a normal life after her days of evil.. even trying to help her find her old army of evil.

"How's life? Hoo!... Sugarcane seems tough.."

"It is, Mom, but it's so worth it! I mean, we helped this really big dude find a missing person, and now we're even helping a prince, isn't that incredible!?"

Kiwi spoke, his eyes glittering with excitement as he spoke. Rambling on and on, he would pick up even small details and talk about them, all in a way to help his mother catch up with lost time. Dark Enchantress would listen too, curious at some points as Kiwi continued to talk his lungs dry of air. Her eyes watched subtly as she drank some of the so called cocoa, enjoying the atmosphere.. for once.

"So, seems like you've been up to a lot, Biker boy. Glad to see you're finding yourself in good company."

"Oh boy, I definitely am! I even made friends with someone where named Seaweed; They're a seaborn, and they seemed to be really happy too when they found out I'm part seaborn!"

"Reminds me that your father still needs to attend this gathering, he'll be here shortly."

"Hoo!... thanks for reminding me.."

[cadybear420]

Adding my thoughts because I love to talk about this series

I do think it sucks that you can't pair Emma and Caleb together if you're not romancing them--maybe not in book 1 since Caleb is still processing his breakup, though.

Honestly same. In concept I really like Emma and Caleb as a couple, I feel like they'd be pretty cute. But I will admit, making them a couple in the story would have been a disservice to both of their arcs. That being said, I do really like the idea of them maybe getting together in the later future, as a sort of a "coming together older and wiser" thing.

I do wish we had more extracurricular options, but I understand this is in the earlier days of the app, and they did well with what they had.

Even the most fleshed out choice-reliant stories are going to have limitations. For what it's worth, I do think what we got was pretty damn good. Though I'd definitely be all for exploring more activities as well.

Funny how you mention that "this is in the earlier days of the app, and they did well with what they had" though. It's been 7 years since this series and PB's effort has only downgraded since then. To the point where they're frequently using AI generated shit.

I feel like Zoe and Brian's arcs in this series are A MESS, though. Zoe cheated on Caleb since Summer vacation and Brian had some kind of feelings for her, but when Caleb finds out, she tries to go back to him, and it felt very flat.

Teenage relationships can be a mess lol. I definitely think Book 3 was much stronger for both of their arcs though. Book 1 was pretty good with them, but Book 3 really solidified it for me.

Brian also gave a weak apology, and it looks bad because you decide whether or not Caleb forgives him, which makes it feel like MC allowed room for Caleb to excuse Brian's actions again.

I mean, even when you choose the option to be more forgiving to Brian and hence Caleb forgives Brian, they do still make it clear Caleb wants nothing to do with him anymore. So it kind of has more of a "I'm accepting it and moving on" feel.

Another thing I'd have enjoyed was explaining why MC transferred to Berry High, as well as their relationship with their parents; half of their dialogue with Scott is just "Dad/Daaaaad/Dad!"

I honestly prefer it that way, that they don't explain the backstory for MC. It allows players to create their own, which I think is something that can be beneficial in a choice-based story like HSS. Variability in the story experience is something I consider fairly important in interactive novels, and giving MCs set backgrounds can often cheapen that.

I also wish MC got the option to work at the school station during the winter season, and the friction in the school felt unfair towards students like Caleb who didn't think anything bad of Principal Isa's hall monitors. Those who fought against Isa were really insensitive to those who followed her rules like they didn't understand those who were raised to respect authority (even to extremes) and were being abused themselves.

IDK what school station is... but I definitely agree with the unfair treatment. What especially bothered me is how the band and cheer rooted against the basketball team in order to stand up against Isa. Like, even the ones that weren't hall monitors, like MC and Julian. It's not out of nowhere and I get why they behaved like that, but it's still very painful to play through. Especially as someone who likes doing the jock route.

And lemme just say: the road trip gave me "The Freshman" vibes and I wish we'd gotten to have more fun like that outside of our "High School Story."

Stuff like that is one of my favorite things about OG HSS for sure. There's always this air of adventure, thrills, and excitement. We did not get enough time with our group tbh.

And why were Maria's dads the only parents who were suspicious of Isa?

Like @lover-also-fighter-also said, one of Maria's parents dads is a detective, so he has a little more experience with these sort of red flags. Aiden's parents were more focused on how their son was changing in behavior. MC hadn't been directly harmed by Isa. Emma and her mom were both worrying about their own shit. Caleb's and Michael's parents... yeah that's one thing that does bother me a little. Why don't we ever meet Caleb's and Michael's parents?

I will say it was kind of weird how deep this rivalry was, given that how you act affects the attitude of the freshman students from your rival high school.

HSS 1 does establish the rivalry and some of its background, but if you play HSS Prime (RIP) you'd get the full origin story for it.

Speaking of them, I'm glad we can pair up some of our rejected love interests, though they brought up something I wished we could've discussed more in the series: sexuality and identity. It's rare to discuss sexuality in GOC books with main characters since everyone is playersexual, but Cameron talking about being nonbinary and Emma talking about coming out as bi had me wishing that we'd gotten to address this earlier (especially since many modern genderlocked Choices books try to work sexuality into the mix). For example, if in book 1 you go to homecoming with someone of the same sex, your dad doesn't know it's romantic and you have the option to come out to him in book 2

honestly I'm surprised Aiden didn't have his own Kaitlyn Liao moment by coming out to his helicopter parents

Same tbh. I do think Aiden's parents weren't meant to be quite as strict as the stereotypical Asian parents, given he mentions that their behavior to him in Book 2 is fairly unusual for them. But a coming out subplot definitely would have suited him.

I also wasn't the fan of the main villains being from the rival school (and how they look like college students, even if some high schoolers look like that).

Yeah, Max and Kara were the weakest villains in the trilogy for me. Something like a fight for prom crown did not need nearly as much importance as the story tried to give it. I kind of like to read it as them considering prom court to how they measure "loyalty to Hearst", but still.

If they had to go that route, make Zoe and Brian the villains, both of them further spiraling after Caleb's disassociation from them

I do like what they did with them in this book. Zoe's redemption arc was fantastic, how she's able to stand up to Brian for Myra, how she truly understands how bad she is because she dated him, how she can even try to get some closure with Caleb in the truth or dare game. And I love that she doesn't just instantly become buddy-buddy with MC and friends. She just improves as her own person, it doesn't need to be signified by her befriending the protagonists.

And it is an interesting juxtaposition to Brian too. While Zoe improves as a person, Brian only gets worse. Brian saw people like Caleb and Zoe as nothing more than trophies to make himself look popular, and when he's lost both of those, he just spirals down and doubles down on his arrogance.

or have Skye be the villain with Brian to give off a Cheryl and Jason Blossom vibe, and after Skye's beat, she becomes the better person we see in book 1 of Class Act.

Oh what I would give to have Skye more integrated in the OG characters' storylines.

I kinda wish these books were spaced out during several school years rather than one.

Fucking preach. I like the series and I still consider it top tier, but one school year with these characters was just not enough. There was too much more to explore with them. CA may have been cute, but it did not do the HSS franchise much justice. Speaking of which...

NGL, it was messed up how we get blamed for our original MC getting hurt while auditioning, and I HATE slow burns, so the crush on Rory and cold shoulder from Ajay was annoying, to say the least.

Yeah, I found it a lot more mean-spirited than the drama in OG. The other theatre cunts were just so quick to jump to assuming our MC guilty and practically ostracize them for days(?) on end. At least in OG there was actual reason for the characters to act irrationally, such as turning on the basketball team or accusing MC of the fake tryouts email. And at least we got to see our characters overcome the adversities. In CA the drama just sort of... happens, and they just expect us to roll with it until it's over.

but you know what would've been super interesting? If this book kicked it up a notch and focused on investigating how MC got hurt (or maybe a random character is hurt/killed).

Yeah... A big thing that made the OG series so special was how proactive our friends were. They'd be able to investigate what had happened and catch the culprits. They'd go through plenty of setbacks for sure, but our MC and friends sort of took action and got shit done in situations like this. CA stripped that away and it left the stories feeling a lot more passive and lukewarm to me.

And the twin dating Amber felt kind of out of nowhere; I feel like Amber didn't need to be a factor in this in that the twin could've had their life together better than MC, but that's just me.

I actually found it one of the stronger plotlines of the story. But it does feel like it lacks importance after the first book though.

Class Act: Book 2 wasn't as fun for me as book 1. It focuses on how MC's twin and Rory are running against each other for class president. It was super icky, especially if you're romancing Rory. Your twin's feelings of betrayal feel (almost) unjustified since they expect you to help them win simply because you're related. It's super ugly and Ajay's issue with his parent's divorce felt like a B-story despite how it affected him. But I do want to praise the fact that we see the characters wear new outfits for the winter season!

Book 2 was hands-down the worst in the whole franchise for me. Neither Twin, nor Rory, nor MC get anything out of this whole plotline. They try to push this "MC we don't want you to feel pulled in two directions", only to shoot itself in the foot. And the turning point relies on the whole school acting like five year olds over a kitten video.

Ajay's subplot and romance route was leagues more compelling.

Class Act: Book 3 focuses on your spring musical going to an international convention in London! Honestly it's the most fun I've had in the CA trilogy.

Book 3 was for sure the most pleasant of the CA books. Unfortunatley I still had to take points off because it treated the OG characters like nostalgia bait.

You also find out that MC and their twin have a biological family member living in London. I don't recall it being mentioned before that they were adopted. Was this addressed in the previous books? Maybe I missed that, but it was fun to get to know more of your character's family--though I do hate how it feels like a missed opportunity to cement MC's ethnicity; oftentimes, MC is customizable but their race is ambiguous. It'd be nice getting to know more of their British culture (along with Asian or African, depending on their race).

One reason I do think confirming a background for MC can be fucky due to "letting the players create their own characters" definitely has some things to do with customizable MC race. Some pre-set backgrounds might not feel fully right for MC's of certain ethnicities. This story isn't one of them, but yeah.

Even addressing MC's race can be fucky, there are various ethnicities but the sprites generally only include four, and many players may headcanon their MCs outside of those. I'm Indian/brown, so I almost always imagine the brown MC sprite as Indian despite that the game files call them hispanic. So it would be a bit awkward for them to acknowledge a brown MC as hispanic if there are players who are interpreting otherwise.

But a BIG issue I have is with Rory's dad. Throughout the book, he sneaks around with one of MC's teacher, and it's revealed that he's been going through some emotional things that he couldn't bring to his wife...and we all don't dig deeper than that. I won't fault him since it's a "toxic masculinity" topic, but the fact that his wife forgave him so quickly felt a bit off, I guess?

I appreciate them trying to address toxic masculinity here, but this subplot definitely felt very cheap. It's just a handful of chapters of the kids thinking Rory's dad is cheating, only for it not to be and just turning out to be the good ole *misunderstanding* cliche. And it didn't really do anything for Rory's character either, which especially sucks considering they're very underdeveloped.

And Skye is being manipulated by her parents since they're financing the school play and it's future in London is in their hands. It was a really good arc, though in my alternate idea for "HSS: Book 3," it would've been interesting to see more Brian in the book. Even if he's awful, it'd make more sense.

Agreed. Skye and her arc was the best thing about the trilogy.

Both trilogies are replayable and as a franchise, a fun time, though the changeable extracurricular activities and various love interests in the original series makes it somewhat better, imo.

Yep, pretty much. CA was cute, but it lacked a lot of the effort of OG.

Choices review: High School Story

Continuing on with my reviews, I'm doing one of the fan-favorites: High School Story! In the first trilogy, you play a sophomore going to a new school and you have to navigate new friends, new bullies, an evil principal, and a school rivalry. For the second trilogy, captioned "Class Act" you play a freshman who's school life focuses mainly on extracurricular activities, namely drama and helping friends run for class president. Don't worry--it's not as boring/cliché as I make it sound. And I have a habit of listing drawbacks to things rather than positives, so don't assume I hate the book! Make sure to check out my overall feelings at the end of each review.

Book 1 was really great. While the plot didn't intrigue me like other stories and the media's usual portrayal of high school made the relationships in the book feel very PG by comparison, but the characters were probably the best part of the book. Something that kind of annoyed me is how Michael is labeled the "bad boy," even though he really isn't. He's more of a loner who occasionally breaks rules--and I'm glad, considering I'm not big on bad boys. I do think it sucks that you can't pair Emma and Caleb together if you're not romancing them--maybe not in book 1 since Caleb is still processing his breakup, though. I do wish we had more extracurricular options, but I understand this is in the earlier days of the app, and they did well with what they had. I feel like Zoe and Brian's arcs in this series are A MESS, though. Zoe cheated on Caleb since Summer vacation and Brian had some kind of feelings for her, but when Caleb finds out, she tries to go back to him, and it felt very flat. Brian also gave a weak apology, and it looks bad because you decide whether or not Caleb forgives him, which makes it feel like MC allowed room for Caleb to excuse Brian's actions again. I'm just glad the writers didn't make Brian and Caleb become friends again, considering what comes later. Another thing I'd have enjoyed was explaining why MC transferred to Berry High, as well as their relationship with their parents; half of their dialogue with Scott is just "Dad/Daaaaad/Dad!" Overall, it was a good book, even if it didn't immediately have me wanting more.

Book 2 covers how the principal is caught in a scandal and is replaced by the vice principal, who is not only totalitarian, but also scamming the school. In comparison to the previous installment, it felt better and inferior in my opinion; It was too bad that despite us being able to make Emma and Luis a concrete couple in book 1, we don't have the option to lock down a relationship until the end of book 2. I also wish MC got the option to work at the school station during the winter season, and the friction in the school felt unfair towards students like Caleb who didn't think anything bad of Principal Isa's hall monitors. Those who fought against Isa were really insensitive to those who followed her rules like they didn't understand those who were raised to respect authority (even to extremes) and were being abused themselves. And lemme just say: the road trip gave me "The Freshman" vibes and I wish we'd gotten to have more fun like that outside of our "High School Story." And why were Maria's dads the only parents who were suspicious of Isa?

Book 3 was probably the best book in the OG trilogy--and shouldn't the last story in an arc always be the best, from a writing perspective? After a fire burns down the rival school, they come and stay at your school--and rivalries inflame the school. I will say it was kind of weird how deep this rivalry was, given that how you act affects the attitude of the freshman students from your rival high school. Speaking of them, I'm glad we can pair up some of our rejected love interests, though they brought up something I wished we could've discussed more in the series: sexuality and identity. It's rare to discuss sexuality in GOC books with main characters since everyone is playersexual, but Cameron talking about being nonbinary and Emma talking about coming out as bi had me wishing that we'd gotten to address this earlier (especially since many modern genderlocked Choices books try to work sexuality into the mix). For example, if in book 1 you go to homecoming with someone of the same sex, your dad doesn't know it's romantic and you have the option to come out to him in book 2 (honestly I'm surprised Aiden didn't have his own Kaitlyn Liao moment by coming out to his helicopter parents). I also wasn't the fan of the main villains being from the rival school (and how they look like college students, even if some high schoolers look like that). If they had to go that route, make Zoe and Brian the villains, both of them further spiraling after Caleb's disassociation from them--or have Skye be the villain with Brian to give off a Cheryl and Jason Blossom vibe, and after Skye's beat, she becomes the better person we see in book 1 of Class Act. I kinda wish these books were spaced out during several school years rather than one.

Class Act: Book 1 has you play a Freshman character at Berry High, and your original main character makes occasional appearances, with mention to their dating life and extracurricular activities if you choose to import them. The book primarily focuses on how you navigate your crush on your childhood best friend Rory and auditioning for the school play. NGL, it was messed up how we get blamed for our original MC getting hurt while auditioning, and I HATE slow burns, so the crush on Rory and cold shoulder from Ajay was annoying, to say the least. But it was satisfying--but you know what would've been super interesting? If this book kicked it up a notch and focused on investigating how MC got hurt (or maybe a random character is hurt/killed). Though I will admit part of this desire is fueled by wanting Daniele to be punished for her actions. It's mentioned later that she's going to therapy, so maybe that could've been court-mandated? And the twin dating Amber felt kind of out of nowhere; I feel like Amber didn't need to be a factor in this in that the twin could've had their life together better than MC, but that's just me.

Class Act: Book 2 wasn't as fun for me as book 1. It focuses on how MC's twin and Rory are running against each other for class president. It was super icky, especially if you're romancing Rory. Your twin's feelings of betrayal feel (almost) unjustified since they expect you to help them win simply because you're related. It's super ugly and Ajay's issue with his parent's divorce felt like a B-story despite how it affected him. But I do want to praise the fact that we see the characters wear new outfits for the winter season!

Class Act: Book 3 focuses on your spring musical going to an international convention in London! Honestly it's the most fun I've had in the CA trilogy. You also find out that MC and their twin have a biological family member living in London. I don't recall it being mentioned before that they were adopted. Was this addressed in the previous books? Maybe I missed that, but it was fun to get to know more of your character's family--though I do hate how it feels like a missed opportunity to cement MC's ethnicity; oftentimes, MC is customizable but their race is ambiguous. It'd be nice getting to know more of their British culture (along with Asian or African, depending on their race). But a BIG issue I have is with Rory's dad. Throughout the book, he sneaks around with one of MC's teacher, and it's revealed that he's been going through some emotional things that he couldn't bring to his wife...and we all don't dig deeper than that. I won't fault him since it's a "toxic masculinity" topic, but the fact that his wife forgave him so quickly felt a bit off, I guess? And Skye is being manipulated by her parents since they're financing the school play and it's future in London is in their hands. It was a really good arc, though in my alternate idea for "HSS: Book 3," it would've been interesting to see more Brian in the book. Even if he's awful, it'd make more sense. Overall, it was an enjoyable book.

HSS was a long series! Honestly I find "Class Act" more interesting story-wise, but the original trilogy had 5 love interests (not that having the option of Rory being a handsome male theatre nerd completely secure with his masculinity wasn't AMAZING), so in that aspect, it's superior. Both trilogies are replayable and as a franchise, a fun time, though the changeable extracurricular activities and various love interests in the original series makes it somewhat better, imo.

[stressedemoblackbratz]

so high

pairing: elliot x fem!reader

warnings: swearing, drug usage, and mentions of an od.

request: elliot x cheerleader!reader where she’s the schools little miss perfect and when Elliot enters the picture those closest to reader get a bit protective because they don’t want some guy messing with her future and Rue even warns him not to drag reader into his shit.

a/n: Elliot is a fairly new character (by the time this is posted only episode 1 of season 2 will be out) so hopefully this works while we wait to figure out his character. also, i’ve never played a sport so somethings bound to be wrong.

words: 1,776 + not proofread

i know you ain’t a drug, but you get me so high. you get me so high.

the party was getting lame. you already were on cup two of whatever. you got all the tea as soon as you walked in. you and Fez both saw Cassie and Nate go in the bathroom together, already knew about what Rue, Ash, Fez, and Faye went through, saw Rue and Jules rekindle, and lied to Maddy, Kat, and Lexi about Cassie’s whereabouts multiple times.

what else was there to do?

that’s what you asked yourself as you examined your cuticles. you had just got your nails done and sadly had a cut on your pinky. it was more interesting than getting up and dancing to the same Don Toliver song for the 3rd time tonight.

suddenly you heard a loud commotion from the girls as you saw Cassie emerge from the kitchen, noticing the look Nate was not so subtly giving her. while observing you didn’t see the new face appear.

“hey.” you heard as a body came crashing down next to yours on the couch.

quickly flicking your dark glossy eyes with full wispy lashes at the source you saw a light skin boy with bleached hair, grown out roots, and a tattoo.

“uh…hi?” you more so asked in his direction. looking at him you knew he was high. damn near everyone around you was on something.

“E-Elliot. i’m Elliot.” he smiled extending his hand out. something about his smile made you shiver as you reached to shake his hand.

“hi, Elliot. i’m y/n.” his smile brightening at your words.

“beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” and now you were in a fit of laughter.

“you’re so corny, but I like that shit.”

suddenly you became hyperaware of your surroundings. it was weird but you could feel the air shift.

then it hit you.

or more so nate.

a week after New Years you made it your mission to arrive to school earlier. you spent the last semester being late, and now that you could cheer again after break your coach told you to be on time or you were off the team.

in the time after New Years though you regularly texted and called Elliot, the sweet boy who had walked you home after Nate was beaten to a pulp and any ride you had had ditched you.

you learned about his pet cat named Marshmallow, how it was kind of just him at home considering he lived with aunt after some family troubles, and how his drug of choice was anything he could really get his hands on.

but you also learned you two had similar things in common. the same music taste, favorite foods, a longing want for love due to family issues, favorite places, and more.

you also learned today was his first day at school with you all.

so there you were, stuck in the bathroom mirror looking at your curled black hair with pink highlights, your Saturn necklace, and your dark graphic liner.

you heard your music pause before it resumed. going over to your phone you saw a text message from Elliot.

elliot: outside ;)

y/n: i’m coming. i’m heading that way now.

as you texted Elliot back you ran around your room to quickly grab your backpack and duffle bag for cheer.

Elliot could hear you before he could see you. when your front door swung open he was hit with your perfume and your beautiful eyes. he loved them.

they were so hypnotic. he truly hadn’t ever seen anything like it.

“you look good.” he complimented you. looking over at your black mini skirt, camel 311 boots, and long sleeve top.

you were just so beautiful to him.

“let me see that.” Elliot said before grabbing your duffel bag and leading you to his older car. he opened the door for you and closed it before going and putting your cheer bag in the trunk.

the school day wasn’t that bad. Elliot was in your free period and math class. cheer practice was light. shit don’t hit the fan till lunch.

Elliot let you drag him to your usual lunch table. he could fully get used to his sweater sleeve clutched tightly in your grasp.

“I’m just saying your psycho drug dealer boyfriend went apeshit on Nate! he’s in the fucking hospital because of him.” you heard Maddy as you and Elliot sat down.

Rue sighed in annoyance. “Fez will never be my boyfriend.”

“good. if he was you’d be dating a lo-“

“guys this is Elliot.” you said interrupting whatever the hell Maddy was ranting about now. everyone turned to greet him except Rue who just stared wide eyed at him.

“hey Rue.” he said doing a small wave.

“you guys know each other?” you asked. neither one had mentioned each other.

Rue stumbled over her words before Maddy cut her off.

“listen, I’ll do my investigation shit later.” she said. “but you,” Maddy said pointing her fork to Rue. “saw Jules for the first time in who knows how long and didn’t tell us shit.” She said before stabbing her salad.

“and you!” she said around a mouth full of lettuce pointing to Cassie. “you’ve been acting weird.”

you resisted the urge to snort at that.

the only people who really knew why she was being so off was you, Fez, Nate, and Cassie herself. you had told Elliot, but he kinda got lost and focused on your face.

him kissing your hand in the middle of you explaining why nobody could find Cassie made your words fall off. his actions leaving you warm and confused.

“what was that for?” you had asked him, his lips still connected to your knuckles.

his lips disconnected from your hand before they kissed the corner of your glossed lips.

“i have no idea who Cassie or Nate are, but i could listen to you talk all day.”

after your last class of the day you were putting books away in your locker when you saw blonde hair getting closer.

you smiled thinking it was Elliot only to get a better look at the hair and noticing it was was Cassie with Maddy trailing behind her.

“hey.” you said acknowledging the both of them before shutting your locker.

“Rue told us about Elliot.” Cassie straight up told you.

“huh?” you asked genuinely confused.

“she said they snorted something on New Years in the laundry room. i’m gonna get to the point, don’t get hooked on any of his shit. hell, ignore him if needed. you have too good of a future to fuck it up.” Maddy stated while clutching her English binder to her chest.

“yeah, i mean you’re so close to having a full scholarship off of cheering alone. i’m not gonna tell you to start running, but i will say be careful.” Cassie said in a more understanding tone.

so that’s where they knew each other from. not ideal, but you wish you knew how they met before today.

also, this advice you were getting was annoying. considerate, but aggravating.

“i already know what he does.” you said fixing the strap of your backpack. “i wouldn’t throw everything i’ve worked years for away for a boy either. i got this guys, thank you for the concern though.” you said before pushing pass the two and out to Elliot’s car.

he was leaned against the car door holding your duffel bag texting who you assumed was you, but your phone was off in your backpack.

the sound of your platforms caught his attention, a smirk in his lips.

“hi sweetheart.” he said putting butterflies in your stomach.

“hi. sorry i’m late.” you said a small smile gracing your lips.

you had been changing into your silk nightgown after a bath when you heard your sibling say Rue was coming up to your room.

opening your door you saw Rue about to knock on your door. she gave a tight lipped smile before shuffling into your room.

closing your door you went and sat on your bed. applying lotion to your arms and legs as you watched Rue fidget.

you thought you were going to get dizzy with how much she was moving.

“you have a bright future and i can’t say that about most of our friends, no offense.” this made you roll your eyes.

“Rue i already know where your going with this.” you said while closing your vanilla body butter.

Rue paced across the floor of your room and sighed before she flopped onto your baby blue bed. “he does drugs y/n! hardcore!” she exclaimed.

“…Rue, i love you baby, but you do drugs.” you said slowly blinking at her.

“…fair point…” she shrugged before laughing.

you grabbed her hand while she laughed and softly smiled.

she meant no harm, you knew she was just worried.

“i get your worried, but this is different. we aren’t 13 anymore Rue and i can make my own decisions. so…i’ve decided i want to keep us going.” you said before squeezing her hand and letting go.

“Rue you almost od’ed the first day i met you!” Elliot yelled back. “i helped you. you think i want to see y/n like that? hell no.”

“i know i know!” Rue said rubbing at her face. “i don’t want her ruined. she’s worked so hard on everything.”

“i’m not going to “ruin” her. she’s the best thing…she’s a literal drug for me Rue. i don’t even think about getting high when i’m with her. i’m happy.” he said with his head between his hands.

“you two aren’t dating.” Rue pointed out while on her way to his room door.

“we like each other. that’s enough for me right now.”

“fuck Rue for pulling that shit.” Elliot mumbled to himself.

he didn’t know what he had taken after her visit, but as soon as she left whatever he had grabbed from his aunt’s cabinet had him thinking of you at 3 am. he had started painting to try and make his mind stop racing, but now he was frustrated.

so he called you.

he needed to know you were real.

“hello?” your sleepy voice rang into the receiver.

“hello?! what color are your fucking eyes?” he said aggressively.

“m-mine?” you mumbled in confusion.

“yeah.” he needed to know if they were y/e/c or if the drugs were talking.

“…y/e/c…” you told him.

“they’re y/e/c? for sure right?” he said frantically putting colors down.

“yeah.” you said now sitting up in your bed.

“ight bye.”

the phone beeped as he painted you in his high.

[vinvantae]

Baby Steps

You’d built up walls tall enough to protect you and your son from any more harm; so when a new driver joins your team - would his determination to figure you out break them down or only make them higher?

Part 1/26

Rating - Mature

Warnings - Explicit Language, mentions of sex and alcohol

Race Engineer/Single Parent Reader x Daniel Ricciardo

****************************************************

The floodlights illuminated the cars as they raced across the finish line, the chequered flag waving over the winning Redbull. Lewis had already won the championship but with constructors still to play for - this race was vital for your team. As the papaya cars sped past in an orange flash, your team cheered, clapping and patting each other on the back.

“And that’s P6 Carlos, Lando in P9 so we’ve beaten Racing Point to 3rd in the constructors.”

“Thank you for a great season. It has truly been a pleasure working with all of you at McLaren.” The Spaniard’s voice crackled over the radio, you lent forward a little as he spoke.

“Thank you for your hard work, smooth operator.” You chuckled softly.

“The honour is all mine. And for one last time, I will sing for you.”

You laughed as he began to sing down the radio- smooooth operator - you and the engineers beside you singing along as well - smoooth operaattoooorr -. The soft spot you had for the driver was undeniable and you were gonna miss him.

“Good luck at Ferrari, bet you won’t find a race engineer as cool as me.” Your voice was laced with a fondness that had the driver smiling to himself as he did a lap of the track to get back to the pit lane.

“I think you may be right. Is the little guy there?”

Before you could say another word, a small fist grabbed hold of your headset and tugged. You rolled your eyes playfully and lent down. The toddler lifted himself up more so he could shout down your microphone.

“You race so good!”

“There’s my little champ. I’ll be right out to give you the biggest cuddle! Uncle Carlos loves you, frijolito!”

You watched fondly - you were really grateful that they’d managed to hook up Milo’s ear-protectors so he could hear Carlos’ radio throughout the race. Preferably, the toddler would be in bed at this time of night but it was the last race of the year and he just had to watch it. He was loved by the team and they were always more than happy to have him trackside; he was well behaved and seemed to be a good motivator for Carlos too.

Unfortunately, you’d yet to tell Milo that he’d no longer be hearing the Spanish accent over the radio and that next season it would be an Australian. Daniel Ricciardo was taking Carlos’ seat at McLaren and while you’d only heard good things about the driver, you knew Milo was going to have trouble adjusting to not having his favourite friend around. When Carlos joined the team, he immediately gravitated towards the small boy and any time you brought him along to race weekends, he’d make sure he had the best time. He was months old when Carlos came to McLaren so the Spaniard had been a constant presence in pretty much Milo’s whole life.

“Mummy, can we see uncle Carlos?” Milo brought your attention back to him by tugging lightly at your McLaren polo - earning a fond smile. He was wearing a tiny polo of his own, it was a little too big but it had a large 55 emblazoned across the back so everyone knew who he was rooting for.

“Of course, jellybean.” You stood up from your seat, holding him close to your chest as you followed the rest of your team down to the podium.

The team fussed over Milo as you carried him over to Carlos - the Spaniard was with the pit crew as everyone huddled around to watch Max get yet another trophy. You’d been quietly rooting for Lewis to get another championship win this season; you’d worked alongside him for two years before he made his move and he was always such a talented, hard-working driver. The Brit in question threw a playful wink your way when he saw you moving through the crowd as the national anthem played loud. You gave him a shy wave before you managed to weave through the hoards to get to your team.

“Uncle Carlos!”

The man in question turned around and grinned, hoisting the little one onto his shoulders so he could get a better view. “That’s gonna be me up there soon, frijolito.”

You smiled sadly. You’d grown so close to Carlos over the past two years - he was your best friend. So the fact he was moving to another team was gonna be just as hard for you as Milo. You’d been with McLaren for practically your entire adult life but you’d never formed such a close friendship with any of the other drivers like this before. He’d come into your life just as you needed him and you were scared to lose him.

“Hey…” He whispered, giving your hand a squeeze, sensing your sadness - Carlos could read you like a book. “I’m always going to be here for you.”

“I know. It’s just scary.” You admitted. “He loves you so much, I love you so much. The three of us have been a team for the past two years, the change is gonna be hard.”

“Daniel is a good guy.” He hummed, his other hand securely on Milo to keep him up. “But we can always hang out, you and I.”

You nodded and looked up to the podium as Lewis spread the sparkling water over the crowd. You’d been offered a job at Ferrari as they knew how well you and Carlos worked together but you just couldn’t leave McLaren; they were your family. But you also couldn’t ask him to stay - you knew he wanted to win the world championship someday and he just didn’t think McLaren was the team that would help him get there. It broke your heart but he deserved to put himself first.

Your attention was brought back to Milo as squealed out a laugh as droplets of sparkling water splashed over him. To the outside world, the three of you could easily pass as a family but most of the paddock knew Isa and that you and Carlos had the strongest sibling-like connection. That didn’t stop your new teammate watching the three of you across the crowd; his Renault race suit tied around his waist. He’d seen you around for as long as he could remember but had never spoken more than a couple of words to you - you intimidated him. You were a unique beauty and he just never knew how to approach you; especially as he heard you were always quick to shut down any advance that came your way.

“Hey man, you gonna come out with us all tonight?” Ocon asked, nudging his elder to get his attention. “One last hurrah before you leave us.”

“Yeah man, of course.”

The Frenchman followed his teammates gaze and quirked a brow when he saw who he was looking at. The girl stood beside Carlos with a big smile on her face as she fussed over the kid on the McLaren driver’s shoulders. “Who’s she?”

“My new race engineer.” He hummed. “Apparently she’s really good.”

“Why don’t you go say hi?”

“She’s got a kid with her and she’s still stood with Carlos and the McLaren team.” Dan said, rubbing the back of his neck. “We’ll have team meetings before the season starts anyway.”

“I’m surprised you’ve not spoken to her before. She’s been around as long as you, I've been told.”

He could remember the exact day he first saw you -it was during his stint at Toro Rosso. You seemed even younger than him, knelt on the driver stool next to Jenson Button’s McLaren - clipboard in hand, chatting away to the driver. He’d been aware of you ever since then, noticing you around the paddock and track more and more as your career seemed to grow. Always too nervous to approach you. The pair of you had grown and changed as people and you seemed more focused and passionate every time he saw you. He could remember the first time you smiled at him and ever since then, he’d had a lingering school-boy crush that he couldn’t seem to let go of. It sounded creepy when he thought about it for too long so he tended to just keep his head down whenever you were around.

“Just never happened I guess. How about we go get that drink?” The Australian clapped his teammate on the shoulder and the Renault drivers followed their team away.

You and Carlos were chuckling away as Milo was being fussed over by Lando, the younger driver pulling silly faces at the toddler. “You’ll take good care of them both, right man?”

“Oh you bet.” Lando grinned. “I love the little fella.”

Although you’d known the two drivers for relatively the same amount of time, you’d always been closer to the Spaniard. Lando was still very young, Carlos closer to your own age so you related to each other more. That wasn’t to say you didn’t like the Brit, you thought he was hilarious - but would you trust him to babysit your son? Probably not.

“Right, I think I need to get him to bed.” You chuckled, scooping up the toddler as he yawned. “It’s very past his bedtime.”

“Oh boo, does that mean you’re not coming to my goodbye drinks?” Carlos pouted.

You whined softly. “We’re going for lunch tomorrow.”

“I’m only teasing, I understand.” He chuckled, pulling you into a careful hug, being careful not to squish the now asleep child. “You two sleep well, okay?”

Milo snored softly against your shoulder as you walked through the paddock to your car, a stray tear rolled down your cheek. You’d promised yourself to try and stay neutral towards the drivers - and even though your relationship with Carlos was purely platonic - you found yourself feeling an intense ache in your chest.

Carefully, you laid Milo into his car seat and headed back to the hotel for the night. One good thing about being an important member of the team was they always got you the nicest hotel room; big enough for you and Milo to share without feeling like the toddler was on top of you. You glanced over at him as you worked on your laptop - he looked so peaceful.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the city, Carlos beamed as he stepped into the venue to see it rammed full of his fellow drivers and colleagues. Sure, he was disappointed you weren’t there, but it was a feeling he’d have to get used to. Lando clapped him on the shoulder and handed him a beer before the pair of them moved over to Daniel and Charles.

“Our new teammates!” Lando grinned.

“Alright man?” Dan returned the smile and shook Lando’s hand. “Big crowd out tonight, huh?”

“Lots of changes on the grid. Think people either want to drink to forget or drink to celebrate.” Carlos laughed, ordering a round of beers for the group. “Have fun in Woking, Daniel. I cannot wait for Italy.”

“The change will be good for me I’m sure.” The oldest of driver’s huffed, taking a sip of his beer. “And I’m sorry, but where did Ferrari finish in the constructors this year?”

“Ouch, man!” Charles whined, clutching his chest in fake hurt. “We’ll be back fighting for podiums before you know it!”

“I’ll believe it when I see it!” Dan laughed. “I’m ready for a fresh start, new team.”

“You’re getting the best race engineer, man.” Carlos said, failing to hide the slight hurt in his voice. “She’s fantastic.”

“I've not had the pleasure of meeting her just yet. Is the kid I saw with you both today hers?”

Carlos acknowledged the question with a nod but gave no indication he was going to answer any further which only piqued Dan’s interest in you more. It wasn’t often, in fact it was rare, that the crew brought their kids to the track but he’d seen the little guy around for almost his whole life.

He wanted to figure you out and that would all start with a pre-season meeting.

************************************************

…so I know I said I was taking a break from writing a full fic, but turns out I was wrong 😅 the updates to this will not be as frequent as my older fics because of my new job so please be patient! I will work on it whenever I can 🧡 thank you all for all the support you’ve shown me x

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[dokifluffs]

Kissing His Forehead | Himekawa, Nishinoya, Bokuto

Pairings: Himekawa X Reader (gender neutral), Nishinoya X Reader (gender neutral), Bokuto X Reader (gender neutral)

Genre: fluffyyyy 🥺

Author’s Note: Based on a question I got and I couldn’t resist and it’s time to widen my circle of who i write for tehe

Warning: spoilers to season 3 of the show in noya’s!! 

Kissing Their Foreheads | Hinata, Aone, Tsukishima // Kissing Their Foreheads | Oikawa, Kuroo, Osamu // Kissing Their Foreheads | Akaashi, Atsumu // Kissing Their Foreheads | Kenma, iwaizumi, Sakusa

Himekawa: MY LITERAL BABEY OMG

The stadium was huge, filled with hundreds of people on the audience, all cheering and rooting for their favorite teams

The ceiling was higher than Aoi could ever imagine, lights brighter than ever now that he was standing here at nationals after only seeing older teams play here on tv

He made it with his team, tsubakihara academy

His heart raced rapidly in his chest, filling his ears, it almost blocked out the sound of the announcers as they announced the girls’ teams

He waited outside with all the other teams in line waiting to be announced

The pressure was killer as all the teams lined up and half of them would be gone after today

He wanted to win, he wanted to be the number one team in the nation

But his hands were shaking just before it started

Everyone around him looked so stoic, some so tall and proud in their jerseys

Why couldn’t he be the same as the others?

He clenched his trembling hands, squeezing his eyes shut to focus on his breathing to gather himself

It was almost time. They were about to be called

His eyes shot open feeling the sudden nudge in his arm, turning to see you

You wore a special badge only tsubakihara’s manager had

“Y/N? What’re you doing down here?” His voice cracked through the lump in his throat

“I have to go to the audience section soon but I just had to do this.”

Before he could even ask what, you gently cupped his face, tilting his head down and pushing his hair up, making a clearing on his forehead

You pressed a long kiss right below his yellow headband

“You’ll be okay,” you pulled back, your thumbs rubbing over his dusted pink cheeks, burning beneath your touch. “Good luck, Aoi.”

“I’ll see you later,” you waved as you went off, returning the badge to the team manager, leaving the special area

Aoi’s Heart couldn’t stop racing but for a different reason now- for you

He felt a great wave of confidence wash through him as the doors opened, making way for his team as they followed the previous team standing beside them, walking proudly on the bright teal colored floors

Nishinoya: 

You couldn’t believe your eyes

The gym roared as the karasuno student section roared at the major win they had just achieved

Karasuno had best Shirstorizawa with the third top ace in the entire country, ushiwaka

The third years celebrated on the court, the rest of the team breaking down, clumping and jumping onto each other in a giant pile

It finally happened

Karasuno would be going to nationals

The shiratorizawa student section and team has gone quiet in disbelief at the outcome where only a smal percentile actually believed Karasuno would win

The great powerhouse school was defeated

You could feel your own eyes watering at the notion, your own heart pumping at watching this intense game that had everyone gripping the edge of their seats

You watched alongside Yachi and tanaka’s sister as Karasuno was announced the winner, representatives for Miyagi in the tournament

Your legs carried you faster than you imagined as everyone began to gather their belongings to head back to the bus to make their way back to Karasuno

“Noya!” You called as you made it down to the court level, running to him

“Oh, Y/N!” Tanaka and Noya called as you sped to your best friends

“Congratulations!” You took a hold of Noah’s head and out of emotions pressed a kiss to his forehead and turning to Tanaka for a hug

The team watched amazed, seeing how Nishinoya would react after knowing he had the biggest crush on you forever

With the adrenaline from the game still pumping in his body now mixing with his feelings for you and how you just k i s s e d him, he almost imploded right then and there

“You all did so well,” you congratulated the team, giving a double high five to Hinata as he bounced higher above you, getting tired remarks from tsukishima, asking how he still had this much energy

Turning back to Noya, he was as frozen as a statue

“Oi, Noya, come on. We have to go,” Tanaka smacked his back. “You’re riding the bus back with us, right?”

“Yep!” You beamed. “Should I give him another one?” You waved your hand above his eyes

“YES!” He boomed.

Bokuto: 

The volleyballs hit the ground with loud booms as you watched from the sides, still amazed at how strong Bokuto was

However, none of is straights we’re going in or they were all getting blocked by Nekoma’s captain, Kuroo

The gym the four of you were in was humid from the summer heat that had been beaming down all day

“Damn it!” Bokuto collapses to his knees with a thud

Akaashi let out a sigh already pointing out which number weakness this was

Bokuto’s mood was already pretty down after the training day today, having missing most of his shots or the other team blocked him or was able to dig up his hits

Today was just an off day and he couldn’t help but blame himself

Akaashi and Kuroo took a break as Bokuto balled himself in the middle of the court, hugging his knees

You handed them their towels and water bottles

“Was it really that bad today?” You asked as Akaashi sat himself down beside you

“Nothing worked.” He shook his head

All the compliments and tactics Akaashi and the team usually used to bring out the best in Bokuto was proven to be useless

“Would you please?” Akaashi looked to you, pleading with his eyes

“Leave it to me,” you bounced out of your seat on the bleachers

“Ko~ta~ro~” you sung his name as you came from behind and lightly chopped his shoulders as you walked around him, kneeling down until you were in front of him

He looked at you with the saddest eyes, his hair droopy

“Why’re you so mopey, baby?” He pouted, tilting your head the same way he did

“You’re the ace. This is just a little bump, right?” You cupped his cheek and rubbed your thumb over it

“Remember your ways of the ace.” You held up the shirt of his you wore, reminding him who he was and the principles he followed

“You’ll always be my ace, Kotaro,” you said low enough for it to be just between you two but with the gym silent with Kuroo and Akaashi watching your ways from behind, they could hear just a little bit of what you said

You leaned close and pressed a kiss to his forehead and cheek that instantly boosted his mood

Before you could even react, Bokuto kept from his little ball and tackled you into his arms, turning his body so his back landed on the floor with you on top of him

He smothered your face with kisses, showering you with his love

“What a simp,” Kuroo scoffed as he set his things down

~~~~~ Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else!

Tags (let me know if you wanna be tagged for all my haikyuu posts): @yams046  @mazey-chan  @sunboikyo00  @kara-grayson04​  @fortheloveofbakugo​ @tsumtsumsemi​ @osamuonigiri @1-800-wholesome @yamagucci​ @realityisoftendisapointing@plantisnotplant @k-eijiakaashi​ @pink-panda-pancakes​ @differentballooncollection​ @osamusamusamu@therainroguefanfiction​ @euphorihan@turquoiselace​ @macaronnv  @oxmaddy​ @mrkoala4prsdnt​ @curiouslilbeast​ @oyasenpai​​ @plantisnotplant​

[dulcetash]

Here there be Ted Lasso spoilers for S2

Man, I am still stewing over Nate’s character arc this season, 2 days after viewing “Headspace.”  What a terrific, nuanced, confusing-as-hell portrayal by Nick Mohammed.  Bravo to him and to the writers.

I’m seeing a lot of discourse here on tumblr-dot-com.  Some are appalled and say Nate is dead to them.  Some insist that this is a show that values redemption and does it brilliantly, and we just need to be patient (here I dwell in hope).  And some are attacking the first group, saying that Nate’s bad behavior is no worse than Rebecca’s or Jamie’s was in S1, so why is everyone so quick to jump on Nate, hmmm?  #Racism!!!!111!1

Listen, this white woman is not going to sit here and deny her own unconscious biases.  I’m really not; I’ll be rooting out that shit for the rest of my life.  But I don’t think that quick, pat answer really gets at what makes Nate’s story so damned disturbing.  More than that, I think it’s dismissive of some really brilliant writing, acting, and psychological insight to reduce the audience reactions to Nate’s dark turn to simple racism (although, again, I concede that it might be a compounding factor for some).

The thing is, we went into S2 adoring Nate.  Who hasn’t rooted for this seemingly sweet, cuddly underdog?  We all gasped in surprise and admiration when he roasted the team.  We all cheered when he got promoted.  We all invested in his success at getting the window table.  And then suddenly, this cuddly underdog snaps and starts tearing out chunks of flesh.

Was it sudden?  Was it??  Now we’re going back through every previous interaction.  Were Nate’s hidden edges a natural manifestation of an unappreciated, bullied man’s talents and cleverness rising up, or are they rooted in something more sinister?  Nate’s behavior, now that he finally has some power, makes us question our own ability to judge someone’s character, and that is the most brilliant torture.  Boy howdy, do we not all have someone in our lives who has thrown us for a loop like that?

“But Rebecca was worse!  She endangered people’s livelihoods!”  That was worse, yes.  Rebecca was less disturbing, though, because she started out as a villain in power.  She wasn’t introduced as an underdog to invest in.  We got to be pleasantly surprised by her redemption.

“But Jamie was worse! He was casually cruel and bullied everybody!”  Yep, as far as widespread damage goes, Jamie was worse.  But he was still less disturbing, because you can always see the Jamies of the world coming.  They’re not subtle.  They announce themselves from miles off, and everyone knows about them, so at least their victims know they’re in good company.

Nate is so disturbing because he’s goddamn sneaky.  His cruelty is subtle in public for plausible deniability, then devastatingly, artfully crafted and delivered for maximum impact in private.  Honestly, he’s a bit like Rupert Mannion in that way, but STILL more disturbing because I can’t yet figure out where it’s coming from.  Rupert is cruel because he finds it entertaining, and as a top position-holder in the white supremacist patriarchy, he feels entitled to do as he pleases. But why is Nate doing it?  I mean, the underlying theme of the show seems to be Daddy Issues, but is it just that?

I’m fascinated to find out.

[mk-wizard]

Sailor Moon 90s Anime is STILL the best

Hi. I know I am on a Sailor Moon binge here, but after seeing all of Crystal, Eternal and on R (season 2) of the first anime, I want to get this all off of my chest... and before I go further, since these are all animes, I will refer to them as 90s, Crystal and Eternal. And after watching them all, I have to say that the 90s takes the gold medal as the best Sailor Moon anime so far and this is why;

1- It had the best pacing. - While I admit that sometimes, it went too far with the filler, 98% of the time, it worked with the 90s. It took its time to make you get to know the characters for better or for worse, it made you see different sides of them, it gave them a chance to truly develop and be multi-dimensional, and it made you care about them. When a death happened, it felt tragic. When a victory happened, you cheered. And when you saw what side characters did, it mattered. I mean, who can ever forget the contribution 90s Naru Osaka had to the story? And everyone who has seen the 90s anime cannot forget her. More on the character development and getting to know characters later.

Sure, it wasn’t true to the manga and even the characters had different personalities, but I let that slide by because when Crystal and Eternal did follow the manga to the letter, we didn’t get a chance to digest anything. The only characters who develop are Usagi, Chibi-Usa and the outer guardians, and for the last bunch, it was the bare minimum. Crystal and Eternal were fun rides and I would be lying if I said I didn’t like them, but they were like roller coasters. They gave you a thrill, but fast and been done. The 90s was like a slow scenic ride that gave you surprises, emotionally touched you, made you cry, made you laugh, made you root for the heroes and even at the age of 37 years now, I keep rewatching this series.

2- The art of the 90s was better because it was sketchy, dark and edgier. - I know Sailor Moon doesn’t seem like this on the surface because the heroines are lovely girls in cute costumes, it emphasizes femininity and all things pretty, it has a romantic theme and is all about love, but Sailor Moon is also one of the darkest, grittiest, edgy and violent magical girl animes I have ever seen since Magic Knights Rayearth. Sailor Moon has on screen deaths which were permanent most of the time, on screen stabbings and the drawing of blood, and fights that got so hardcore, that real punches and kicks were thrown. The dark edges, black line art and sharp edges worked with the atmosphere of the story. I mean, look at the difference between the halls Dark Kingdom of the 90s (above) and that of Crystal.

And if that is not enough to win you over, the characters were much more animated, organic and conveyed more emotion whether they were exaggerated or serious.

In Crystal, the expressions and body language was very dulled down. Not to mention, very stiff.

Everything is also too bright and soft which makes the characters look like velvet dolls with too much make up especially with the line art. I will give them props for adding better details, cleaner lines, the glow of magical items, and details in the gems, but everything else is all wrong.

Eternal was better, but still not quite there. The colours are still way too bright and the characters still look too much like dolls from having line art that is too wispy. And I really do not like how the eyes have this unnatural glow to them. The edgy scenes become lost with all this brightness.

3- We got to see that there was so much more the characters than just heroes or villains. - Since Usagi is the titular character, let us just talk about her in the 90s since I could go on forever about how much we learned about the characters. In any version of Sailor Moon, Usagi’s role as a Sailor Guardian has always been the core of the story and she does indeed show progress as one. However, the 90s tells us that no matter what, she is still going to be herself too which is just as important and she shows character development as just plain old Usagi too. The manga, Crystal and Eternal which only paint Usagi as not doing anything right except be a Sailor Guardian, but the 90s show her hidden talents and learning new skills. For example, she was bad at cooking at the beginning of the series.

However, by Sailor Moon R, she gets the hang of it and is able to cook a meal by herself. Yes, she is messy, clumsy, never gets the hang of making cookies and is nowhere near Makoto’s level especially when it comes to presentation, but she is good at cooking food.

Another hidden talent of Usagi’s is her drawing skills. She isn’t just good at drawing. She’s got talent at it, so in the 90s, Usagi is quite the artist.

And it is admirable that 90s Usagi is open to trying new things even if she isn’t good at them. She practices, she explores and tries to enlighten herself. Sure, academics, coordination and organization will never be her fortes, but she really does have other and tries to discover more.

In Crystal and Eternal, she is good at being Sailor Moon, she is a good friend and a good girlfriend, but that is it. She is one dimensional here and she isn’t the only one to painted like that. Everyone is only the obvious and that is all the audience gets.

4- Better character redemption. - I mentioned before that Sailor Moon had grit and was dark, but the 90s also made it more complex and did character redemption right. It was open to the possibility of bad people becoming good. For instance, the Black Moon Clan Specter Sister are unforgettable for being successfully redeemed.

Yes, I admit that the monster of the day would get killed by the hands of the Sailor Guardians, but they also clearly showed that the monsters were not people or even alive. They were made of energy, clay or sand. When the monster of the day was a possessed innocent, they were saved through exorcism. Very rarely was an actual person ever killed and even when they were, it was either by the hands of another villain, their own hand, self defense or as a last resort. They never used killing as means of dealing with every single bad guy.

Furthermore, the bridge arc about the Makai Tree that also served as a prologue to Sailor Moon R could be seen as a story about mercy, kindness and love. It stands out as the one time the big bad was actually a misunderstood big good being the Makai Tree herself. And even Ail an An were never bad, but were raised bad. And even then, they changed. This story is unique only to the 90s so far, but it was great and stood out for that reason.

In Crystal, the heroines will kill a person without a second thought which I am shocked that no one brings up how repetitive and contradictory that is. The pretty warrior of love and justice should by all means protect the Earth, but doing so by killing off the bad guy all time is not love or justice. I also think the caption in this picture sums up how I feel about how the one and only time bad guys were given a chance to be redeemed...

Eternal was better because the Asteroid Guardians got redeemed and saved. However, even then, I feel like there is still a double standard. They were one of the good guys to begin with and Sailor Guardians. In the 90s, the Amazoness Quartet wasn’t, but were given a chance to change anyway. I find it cool that the Quartet turned out to be Sailors and even better that they will go on to become Chibi-Usa’s team, but mercy is not just for your allies or for your own benefit. Everyone should be given at least one chance to fix their mistakes.

5- We got to know Mamoru better. - I admit that no matter the incarnation, Tuxedo Mask will never be as powerful as Sailor Moon except when he is King Endymion, but the 90s take on his character made him better even if they did omit his super attack being Tuxedo le Smoking Bomber. What the well dressed masked man lacked in firepower, he made up for in intelligence, insight about the enemy’s weakness, courage and skill. The only times he ever did get overpowered was either by bad luck or because it was intentional because he was taking a hit for Sailor Moon. And even then, he always got back up. He’s a real man like that.

More importantly, we get to know him as Mamoru too. Even before he confides being an amnesiac to Usagi, we see his struggles with feeling alone in the world from having no memory of his life before a tragic accident which also killed his parents. Now, him being a stern cynical person makes sense because I probably wouldn’t be pleasant to be around either if I lived with that. Once his walls come down, we see that deep down, all he wants is to belong somewhere and have a family. It should also be noted that 90s Mamoru doesn’t love Usagi because he is “destined” to. He loves her because he wants to. Even during that brief period where he broke up with Usagi was an act of love. The thing I also always liked best about 90s Mamoru is that even though he loves Usagi more than life itself, his life doesn’t revolve around her which is a healthy thing and he tries to encourage Usagi to be the same way for her own good. He is studying to be a doctor, he has a job and he even has his own crowd which I think is great.

In Crystal and Eternal, while I do see an attempt at trying to follow this trend by showing that Usagi and Mamoru were on their way to falling in love even before they got their memories back, I still find he was one note and we never really learn much about him that has nothing to do with Tuxedo Mask, Endymion or anything royal related. Sure, we know that he’s studying to be a doctor and is a genius to an extent too, but that is it.

I would like to end this by admitting that the 90s was not perfect either, but out of all the takes on the tale of Sailor Moon as of date. Crystal and Eternal were ok, but they just cannot stand up to the quality of the 90s. The only thing I can say I find Crystal did better than the 90s were the costume designs. Specifically, how they let Venus keep her chain belt, Pluto’s key chain belt, Uranus and Neptune’s shorter gloves, Uranus’s sword, Uranus having two earrings, Mercury’s suit is shoulder less which I always found suited her better, and I liked Sailor Moon’s brooch and necklace better in season 1.

And even then, I should have liked it if Jupiter’s antenna was always on display as it is just something I always found cute in the manga, I liked Mars’ five point star earrings better in the 90s, and I like how in the 90s, each of the Inner Guardians’ sailor stripes were a little different.

Of course, this is all my opinion. I would like to hear which of the animes did Sailor Moon right in your opinion and why. Thanks for reading and stay safe, and have a great day.

[michelemoutons]

and at last, the post that maybe three people maximum have been waiting for...

em's comfort retro rally videos: a masterlist!

in a much-needed return to this blog's roots, and as an antidote to all motorsport- and life-related chaos, i now present to you: the first edition of em's favorite retro rally videos!

general disclaimer/info: these videos mainly come from the group B era of the world rally championship (wrc), which generally speaking was in the '80s. i am only human, so expect a lot of bias toward my personal favorites...which will become very apparent as you read this list hehe. also i'm not even gonna pretend to be an expert on this or anything. a lot of these are literally just based on Vibes

table of contents

i. my top 5 rally coverage videos

mainly coverage for television, recorded on VHS and uploaded to YouTube by some truly incredible people

ii. honorable mentions

not rally coverage, but retro rally videos nevertheless

often documentaries, mini-doc features, interviews

for all videos, i have indicated the language (most are in english fyi); if any links fail or videos disappear, send me an ask or DM and i'll remove the culprit/find an alternative link.

and now, onward!

(TW for occasional flash photography in many of the night sequences of the videos, as well as a gif included in this post)

i. my top 5 rally coverage videos

in which my bias toward audi sport, mouton/pons, mikkola, toivonen, and vatanen are put on blast for all to see 🥴 i am not an expert in anything i am just very good at research and a whore for aud—[SNIPED]. for the sake of brevity, i narrowed my favorites down to 5. maybe another time i will share all the rest!

also, a general note about the commentary: sometimes, the commentary around michèle and fabrizia can get... weird. keep in mind, they were the most prominent female team partnership around that time, and the first to nearly clinch a wrc wdc, and to modern ears, the commentators really didn't know how to act around them. personally, it wasn't horrible for me, i just ignored the weirder bits, but i understand if others might find it off-putting. also for the sake of your sanity don't read the comments.

5. Rally of the 1000 Lakes, 1984 | finland

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: vatanen/alén/toivonen (full final results)

comments: this was definitely a rally for most of audi sport's drivers to forget: bar stig blomqvist, who came quite close to the podium finishers with a 4:14:01 to henri toivonen's 4:12:57! both hannu mikkola and michèle mouton had to retire from the race, which may lead you to wonder: why does this rank among my favorites? well, it's always fun to watch group b rally cars sailing through the air against picturesque scenery, and this video also contains an intriguing (at least for me!) look at the scrutineering process, with drivers at their most casual.

owie :( they were fine though!

4. Lombard RAC Rally, 1981 | britain

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: mikkola/vatanen/blomqvist (full final results)

comments: hannu winning by 11 whole minutes even after rolling his car in the middle of the forest is actual legend behavior! anyway this was michèle's first wrc outing in britain, and even though she and fabrizia had to retire, they still did quite well, consistently running high in the leaderboards after the first few stages. and that's considering the fact that michèle had a bad cold for much of the rally and had to ask fabrizia to drive the car to service park for her at one point bc she was so tired. which fabrizia did... with a pencil in her mouth. lot of big names in one video—also, jean todt makes an appearance as a co-driver!

shamelessly poached off of one of my text post edits

3. Marlboro Safari Rally, 1983 | kenya

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: vatanen/mikkola/mouton (full final results)

comments: ok can i just say how stunning the video presentation is?? the opening sequence is just!!! the shots of the wildlife! the sprinting giraffes! wow! anyway the visual of drivers in deck chairs just tickles me for no reason, and michèle please tell me what you ask for at the hairdresser's and also where you got that orange blouse (this is obviously not just specific to this rally, she always eats and leaves no crumbs). this was michèle's first entry and only finish in kenya (and of course it was a podium mwah). it was also her last wrc entry in the A1 quattro, as she switched to the A2 for the rest of her program in the '83 season. also this is one of my favorite podium pictures ever.

lksdjffnnkd there's almost too much to unpack... fabrizia somehow surviving in high waist jeans in a hot car... michèle's do-it-yourself shorts... this podium picture was the subject of a very frantic video chat conversation between myself and a friend at 2am a few months ago

2. Rallye de Portugal, 1982 | portugal

links: short recap (eng) | overall coverage 1, stuck in the middle of two other rallies. timestamps in descrip. (eng) | overall coverage 2, very vibey with cool music (ita... also peep walter röhrl speaking italian)

podium: mouton/eklund/wittmann (full final results)

comments: GOD I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH AAAA! michèle's first podium of '82 being a win? this rally being the one where there's footage of her going shopping with fabrizia afterward? (more on that later) them winning by 13 whole minutes? and that's not even considering THEE most poetic victory ceremony of all time! in fact let me talk about that bc the racing and the win aside, that's why it's so high up on my list! literally poetic cinema! it's night, they're standing on top of the car and floodlit and surrounded by cheering crowds but they may as well be the only ones there in their own little world, laughing at each other and barely even having to look to each other when they're raising their hands—like god! shut up! we get it you're besties 😭

i_just_think_theyre_neat.png

and now... last but certainly never least...

1. Lombard RAC Rally, 1982 | britain

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: mikkola/mouton/toivonen (full final results)

comments: firstly, if you were to ask me about my dream podium, this would be it. hands down, across all series of motorsport, my comfort podium would be hannu, michèle, and henri in any order. (there's such a cute picture of them from this rally on pinterest, standing in order on a staircase. henri is not looking at the camera because he is laughing at something michèle is saying and it's such a Vibe but i cannot find it wah). the battle for second between michèle and henri ran down to literally the last stage, and their times are separated by seconds, which is just wild to me. the context of this rally deserves another post, which i honestly don’t have the energy to make rn, but just take my word for it that it threatens to destroy me if i think about it too hard! anyway this is just such an awesome rally and i’ve watched this video so many times haha

i love this rally so much that i actually had a character in a story i was writing attend the ceremony captured in this picture as a small child and made it a formative moment in her life. no, there is nothing wrong with me.

ii. honorable mentions

(is it obvious who my faves are? yikes)

'Group B - Avec Michele Mouton' (eng) - taken from a longer feature presentation about group b, a segment specifically about michèle. a friend once described its vibes as ‘a synth wave edit of an 80s anime set in a cyberpunk world about racing’

'1983 Audi Sport National Rally with Michele Mouton' (eng) - in which michèle takes journalist sue baker as a co-driver for a spin in an A1 and a rally win. fun behind-the-scenes video

'Intervista a Fabrizia Pons, la Regina delle Note' 1, 2, 3 (ita) - very thorough interview which is mostly fabrizia telling all sorts of stories, including the very entertaining story of how she found out she was going to be michèle’s co-driver. also what a badass title

'2008 Otago International Classic Rally' (eng) - THE BESTIES REUNITE THE BESTIES REUNITE!!! michèle and fabrizia reunite for a rally that fabrizia convinced michèle to join, they suffer some problems but there are plenty of wholesome bestie moments to be had

'Michele Mouton hurls Group B Audi Quattro up Goodwood hill' (eng) - i mean, self explanatory. the sound of the chirping tires? asmr could never. very short watch if you want a quick pick-me-up

'1990 Louise Aitken-Walker feature' (eng) - a video featuring a female rally driver from scotland and her point-scoring run at the rallye monte -carlo. i am convinced that louise was john finnemore’s inspiration or at least an influence for the character of linda fairbairn. no my hat is not made of tin foil what are you talking about

hannu rocketing around michigan back in 2017 (eng)

hannu flying around goodwood in 2015 (eng)

sometimes i listen to fabrizia's recent onboards (yes, she's still at it!) and this one is one of my favorites, from 2016 (ita)

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

please. i can’t do this alone.

Titans 3.01

thoughts! thoughts! thoughts! some red hot thoughts!

SPOILERS ahead.

1. one episode in, and this season already looks set to give me everything i want. its abandonment of plot and storytelling conventions as it goes from one point to the next at breakneck speed; its cheerful bastardisation of iconic storylines from the comics; the ‘as-you-know-bob’ clunky exposition on one end and extremely restrained, subtle explorations of complex character dynamics on the other; endless shots of neon bleeding into black and blue corridors, shadows and silhouettes; my delight in seeing it celebrate and deconstruct the dark nolan-y batman aesthetic at the same time; my bafflement that it’s so fucking goddamn obsessed with the batfam when it’s supposed to be about the TITANS; kory just... saving every overburdened, clunky scene that she’s in by her sparkling charisma. just... *chef’s kiss*. muah. my show is back, in all its glory.

MY SHOW IS BACK, Y’ALL!

1.5. i mean... this show is so artful and weird and not afraid to go absolutely bonkers in exploring its characters’ psyche, but can just about barely stage a passable comic book fight when every tom dick and harry and their new streaming services can deliver ones that are far more exciting. i love this show with every atom of my body.

(there’s something to be said about rooting for the underdog as well. a pleasure in finding something to love about what other people dismiss. but! enough navel gazing! i have fictional characters’ navels to look at! metaphorically! and maybe literally!)

2. i expected jason’s death to come about pretty early in the season as soon as i heard rumours that red hood was showing up, but for it to happen in the first five minutes of the first episode... that’s a record. 

(well. “happen.” still don’t know what exactly went down there.)

2.25. GOD. jason is such a tortured and tragic character in this show, used and passed around by people with alleged good intentions, never really fitting in anywhere. he’s veritably bleeding vulnerability and the need to belong, the need to be known, and yet the tragedy is that his death proves that nobody in his life knew anything about him at all; that they only saw the flimsy walls he put up to protect his soft core, and thought that that was all there was. that they say they loved him, but blame him for his own death. 

dick is flabbergasted that jason can read, though we know from last season, from what jason revealed to rose, that he has a love for plays and music. barbara is quick to dismiss his actions as ‘impulsive’. bruce has no idea that his supposed son was building his own little chemistry lab right under his nose, and beyond that, no idea that jason needed structure, stability and validation beyond being left alone in a huge house with a treasure trove of dangerous weapons. kory thought his decision to fight the joker was from not learning and growing when the guy tried to kill himself last season and nobody apart from dick even tried to talk to him about it! did you consider that he might still be suicidal? especially after the titans admitted to having “given up” on him because he was just “too hard”?

2.5. the one thing that’s been consistent across all three seasons (so far) of the show is the unreliable narrator trope. there’s a reason why the characters’ dismissals of jason’s actions as impulsive is so repetitive; why jason’s death is a mystery dick feels compelled to solve. it’s a flailing attempt to know his brother much too late--but with red hood, maybe he gets a second chance, just like he got one with the titans. this is what jason’s arc has been building up to. this is ‘death in the family’ but more fucked up in some ways. it didn’t linger on the death because the death wasn’t the point. the joker isn’t the point. everything that came before it is.

this way it will also make perfect sense that the red hood’s main enemy becomes the titans rather than batman.

2.75. goodness knows what’s going on with jason’s little chemistry project. at first i thought he was immunising himself to joker gas or something, but maybe it’s what passes for lazarus pit juice in this universe? 

anyway, it’s pretty impressive that jason learnt all of that from a college chemistry textbook. STOP BRINGING UP THAT HE READ SOMETHING, DICK--

2.8. i’m glad that dick doesn’t immediately sink into self-loathing and guilt and tries to investigate jason’s death while also acknowledging how he failed him. it’s like he actually learned something from the last two years! 

anyway. more about dick later. 

3. oh how i love titans!bruce. a lot of characters had a lot of Opinions on his reaction to jason’s death in this episode, but again, i ask you to consider that they’re unreliable narrators, and this universe’s bruce is a product of how it shaped him. bruce wayne has become a phantom to himself--an artifice borne out of vigorous discipline and crushing self-denial. 

bruce has been batman for a very long time, and without a robin for much longer. (dick must be... in his early thirties? so he was robin for about, say, 10-12 years according to the timeline of the show. that still makes bruce pretty old when he took on his first robin.) things have... calcified (possibly parts of his brain). the personal cost and the collateral from the mission he’s taken up for most of his life is too much to countenance; it has to be a war, and war requires sacrifice. 

on some level bruce knows that’s a lie. he’s so goddamned alone. what’s he going to do? sit down and cry? who’s going to listen to him now? oh, is he going to just stop being batman? who’s going to stop gotham from consuming herself then? he’ll just have to forge ahead, do better next time, maybe he’ll be firmer with them, or kinder with them, or notice more things, or train them harder, or spend more time--

3.25. don’t get me wrong: titans!bruce is an asshole and a half. his roster of potential robins was honestly bone-chilling. the fact that there’s a twisted root of compassion makes it more disturbing. 

3.5. alfred’s dead! it must’ve been pretty recent, because i could’ve sworn that dick tried to call alfred in the very first episode of season 1, or at least considered calling him... 

what a devastating double-blow for bruce then, losing his father-figure and his, uh.... son-figure so close together.

4. i don’t know about barbara yet. i mean, i like her, but she had so much clunky expository dialogue to deliver this episode, and for an episode that was named after her, she only showed up halfway through it. but i like the weight of history behind her interactions with both bruce and dick and her compassion to bruce before he cruelly crossed a line. i also like the implication that she and dick have been in touch recently, and that she didn’t immediately try to guilt-trip dick about some perceived abandonment. it’d be too repetitive.

4.5. there’s also a sense that she ran interference for dick a lot whenever there was something Too Big and Emotional for him to confront directly, and i like and appreciate that character beat.

5. dick, my man! it really does feel like a substantial length of time has passed between the end of s2 and the beginning of s3... kory’s got a new costume, they’ve become celebrities in SF, working missions together, and dick’s actually smiling! genuinely enjoying his work and having fun with it for possibly the first time in the entire series! it’s really a far cry from the fractured, dysfunctional mess that they were at the end of the last season.

i just hope this doesn’t mean that they’ve magically reached a resolution off-screen to all of their fucked-upness from last season, and that the repercussions--for gar in particular--are actually addressed on screen. 

5.25. i mentioned this briefly above, but it really is so refreshing that dick doesn’t wallow in guilt and self-loathing after jason’s death; he acknowledges his and the titans’ failure, is able to admit to barbara honestly that he’s not doing great, and is actively trying to reach out to bruce to make sure he’s ok, is trying to investigate what made jason seek out the joker on his own, and is probably the only person not immediately buying that it was jason’s recklessness that got him killed. i love that dick is finally beginning to trust his instincts or just employ them at all after years of guilt and paranoia and self-loathing. we love some positive character growth!

5.5. another thing i love? the bruce-dick interactions on this show. every scene they’re in together is so fraught with tension, both of them holding themselves back, their emotions on a whipcord-tight leash. dick wants to reach out to bruce, is even somewhat familiar with this brand of denial in the wake of grief, but wants barbara to make the first move because he genuinely does not know how to get bruce to open up. his instincts are right, and wonderful, and genuine, but his expression has been smothered by years of trauma, emotional and physical self-discipline, and what i suspect is poorly treated mental illness. 

it takes a lot for him to finally explode at bruce at the end of the episode--in a way he hasn’t done even when his only opinion of bruce was ‘fuck him’--and it’s all the more startling for how subdued he’s been through the episode, how much he’s been holding back his emotions for bruce’s sake. love it.

5.75. it sort of hurts my heart to see the flying graysons poster in jason’s room. there are a few implications:

a) jason settled into dick’s old room despite living in a giant mansion with dozens of other rooms he could’ve used

b) he didn’t take down dick’s poster--not when he moved in and was idolising him, not when he moved out of the titans and was sort of hating him. i wonder if the reminder of what dick was before robin--that he was forged out of unspeakable tragedy--gave jason the connection to dick that he so desperately wanted in real life

c) dick moved right back into the room and slept on the bed that was now jason’s. grief can be so quiet and piecemeal sometimes.

6. i spy the beginnings of actual arcs for both gar and kory! i just hope that with the move to gotham their stories don’t fall to the wayside...

6.5. i’ve known tim drake for less than ten minutes but if anything were to happen to him i’d kill everybody 

7. this review has gone on for too long and i am tiRED. however, before i leave: i miss some of the dedication-to-aesthetic that titans season 1 used to have. remember how the first few episodes didn’t really feel like a superhero show but something out of gothic horror? there was something gorgeous and raw about that, about open landscapes and the road and creepy buildings looming up at the end of it. moving to titans tower in s2 really ruined a lot of that for me, given its ripped-from-architectural-digest aesthetic, all smooth and clean and artificial. 

i hope that we really explore gotham’s hellscape in interesting and innovative ways instead of camping out in the batcave all the time and indulging in the show’s unending love for long corridors, neon backlights and silhouettes.

8.....

9.  wait, fuck, HOW CAN I FORGET ABOUT HOT PSYCHIATRIST GUY (TM)??? NONE of you prepared me for his return! NONE OF YOU! i gasped! i got up and did a happy dance! 

listen, titans writers, if you’ve had a peek at my titans s3 wishlist, please go ahead and give the other items on the list a go too, thankyouverymuch.

[wild-aloof-rebel]

I know you're not really intending to post about Happiest Season but I'd appreciate your insight if you wouldn't mind talking about it? I was really excited about it but now I'm not so sure. I've read a couple of comments that said it's super negative and full of homophobia and not the joyful movie we need right now. Buzzfeed did a whole article, which I haven't read to avoid spoilers, but the headline implies the same thing. Do I want to watch it? Is Dan alone worth it?

yeah, i certainly don’t mind talking about it. mostly i said that i wasn’t gonna post a lot about it because i don’t want to spoil anything for people still waiting to watch it, nor do i want to turn my blog into a happiest season free-for-all, but i’m def happy to give you some thoughts about it. i’m gonna put it under a cut anyway just in case...

i’ll start by saying that i largely agreed with the buzzfeed review, just to let you know up front that i am not gonna say you should unreservedly give it a go.

i think my issues with the movie (of which there are many) can be largely boiled down to three Big Things, that i’m gonna try to make as unspoilery as possible here.

1.) the family in this movie is mean. (most of them at least.) they outright and intentionally choose over and over to be cruel to each other, sometimes viciously and violently so. that was a way bigger problem for me than their sort of casual homophobia. i mean you at least know going in that there’s probably going to be some homophobia, right? there’s obviously a reason she hasn’t come out to her parents, so you can expect that that’s probably going to pop up on occasion throughout the movie. 

the outright cruelty of the family was a whole different story. i don’t feel like you really get that from the trailer at all (i actually just rewatched the trailer, and basically the only times they’re remotely nice to each other in the movie are what’s shown there), so it was a bit of an unwelcome surprise. i don’t personally enjoy spending 102 minutes watching people just be relentlessly and actively unkind. like david and alexis are obviously mean to one another sometimes, as siblings occasionally are, but even in s1 when that was at its most prevalent, they would still have moments of levity between them or moments where they’d come together to roll their eyes at their parents—times where it’s clear that they do actually love each other and are on the same side underneath it all. but there pretty much aren’t any moments like that with this family, where you really feel like they actually care about each other, and that, for me at least, makes for a pretty joyless watching experience.

2.) while i empathize with harper’s situation (i mean, looking at her family, i wouldn’t want to have to come out to them either), i do not empathize with her as half of this relationship i’m supposed to be rooting for. 

there are definitely quite a few people who have said they feel seen by what harper is going through in not being able to come out to her conservative family and who have liked seeing themselves and their struggle represented in a very real way. and i think that’s obviously totally valid, and i appreciate that the movie gives voice to those kinds of stories in a way that makes people feel like they’re seeing themselves on screen.

but this isn’t just supposed to be a movie entirely about harper and her struggles with her family. this is billed as a romantic comedy. her relationship with abby should be the central focus of the movie. sure, obviously they’re hiding a secret so they’re not just going to be openly making out in front of everyone or whatever, but in the private moments, the quiet moments, the tiny little moments where it should be like, yes, you, i love you and i’m so glad you’re here with me even though this situation is hard, the movie often runs almost the entire opposite direction. even if she feels like she can’t choose to come out right now, harper can choose to at least treat abby with the sort of kindness and love that is clearly missing from her family situation. but she doesn’t even spend most of the movie treating abby with the level of care that the friend/roommate she’s supposed to be pretending to be deserves, and so instead, i spent the majority of the movie actively rooting for abby to leave.

now, is there a place for that kind of story? sure. if you want to write a movie about how having to hide who you are is making you push away even the one person you’re supposed to love most, there can certainly be value in that. but that’s not a romantic comedy; that’s a different movie entirely.

which brings me to my last point... 

3.) the fact that it’s marketed as a holiday romcom is terribly misleading. this movie is not a holiday romcom. there is hardly any comedy in the movie (it’s mostly in dan’s scenes tbh), even less romance, and certainly very little that i’d consider holiday cheer. yes, as you can tell from the marketing, it has the happy ending you would expect from the genre, but getting there is largely painful and doesn’t, in my opinion, feel at all earned. 

ultimately, i think if you go into it expecting a family drama with a few funny scenes and a sprinkle of a romantic side plot, that will help some. i mean, i basically knew that from seeing what people were saying beforehand and still didn’t enjoy the majority of the movie, but i definitely think it helps to temper your expectations if you’re going to watch it.

now, is it worth all that for dan’s parts of the story?

his scenes were certainly the most entertaining and likable parts of the movie for me. john is the one thing that i think is exactly what you’d expect from the trailers, and dan is great in the role, of course. and he does give one very lovely, i think very dan speech toward the end of the movie. but is it worth sitting through all the rest to watch his parts? 🤷‍♀️ only you can really decide that. if what i’ve told you above hasn’t made you not want to watch, go for it. and if it has, i’m sure that soon enough someone will put together a dan supercut or will just have gif’d all of his scenes, and you’ll be able to see just those parts and forget the rest. or if all else fails, put it on and fast forward any time he isn’t on screen...

[ja-lin]

Taming the Tigress (Pride Month Writing Challenge Day 1, 2)

Fandom: Voltage Lovestruck Series: Sweet Enchantments Characters: Runa x MC Wordcount: 2200 Notes: MC’s PoV on how she feels about Runa.  Warnings: Rough sex scene at end, but no vulgar language used.

I’ve forgotten how many days have passed since being confined to this magical cafe and bound to a magician. I’m a fawn lost in a jungle of predators. But, everytime Runa walks past me, the exotic spiced scent of her perfume makes my heart flutter, a butterfly towards the sweet bosom of a flower.

Runa has the ferocity of a tiger and everyone warns me not to approach her. All the taunting voices echo through my ears that my relationship with the tigress is unhealthy and punishable in the magic world. But, I know in my heart that the tigress is lonely and her ferocious roars are no more than drawn out weeps that echo through the night. 

In the darkness, I hear the sound of a certain mysterious barista, like a one man orchestra working his magic at the bar. If anyone can give me advice about how to approach the tigress, it's Zain. Before I even sit down on a bar stool and begin to ask him a question about Runa, he gracefully turns around to face me, silken hair falling smoothly onto his shoulders, like ocean waves coming to a rest onto the sands of a beach. 

Zain is holding a beautiful ceramic tea cup, the edges of the cup adorned with intricate gold patterns resembling flowers and butterflies. The scent of the tea hits me and I’m transported to a field of exotic wildflowers.

Not only is Zain a skilled barista, his knowledge on rare teas is impressive. He explains, "This is special floral tea made from the petals of the blooming monarch flower.“

I continue to sip the tea, each sip bringing me deeper and deeper into the field of wildflowers. 

Zain’s voice is a gentle breeze in the field, “There is a legend about the origin of the flower's name. Ancient magicians say that during the monarch butterfly mating season, one butterfly could not find love. It was sad and had no energy left to flutter. After drifting around with the wind for several days, the butterfly landed on the petals of a beautiful, kind flower. The flower shielded the butterfly from wind, rain, and sun until it was strong enough to speak."

Yet, the flower noticed the butterfly was weeping one night and asked, "Why are you weeping my dear butterfly?" 

The butterfly woefully responded, "Everyone around me has found someone to be with for life, but alas I will never be able to find love." 

The flower decided to take a risk, "Take my nectar, regain your strength and you will surely find your true love." 

The butterfly was shocked by the flower's sacrifice, "But, you will perish if I do so! I could not do that to a friend!" 

The flower curled its petals as if embracing the lone butterfly, "I may not be a butterfly and I am from a completely different world, but I am doing this because I love you more than a friend. Please take my nectar and live a happy life, for if you perish I could not stand living another day." 

The butterfly began to weep again, "I cannot take your nectar and live a happy life because my life would not be happy without you." 

Zain continues to speak, voice smooth and smoky like dark chocolate melting against the heat of a kiss, “And, so there the monarch butterfly and the flower remained. Their love blossomed and grew -- seasons upon seasons passed and one spring, a magician stumbled upon a field of beautiful flowers that had petals resembling the monarch butterfly.”

As Zain finishes his story, the aroma of the tea draws me like a butterfly to a flower. He offers me the delicate cup and I take a sip. The tea tastes bittersweet with a strong floral finish that lingers in my mouth. 

I ask Zain for another cup of the tea, “Runa would love a cup of this tea, maybe it’ll cheer her up.”

To my surprise, Zain already has a tray of tea and snacks setup as he speaks to me, “What a coincidence as I was about to ask you to bring this to her! She has barely eaten anything all day and even the turnips are worried for their mother.” 

Zain winks at me as I take the tray up to Runa’s room.

I take a deep breath and enter the lair of the tigress. The room is dim, but I can make out the shape of Runa laying sideways on her bed facing the wall. Maybe this was a bad decision, I’m having second thoughts. 

Before I can change my mind, Runa roars in a fiery tone, but her voice is cracked as if she had been sobbing for hours, “Get the fuck out and leave me alone. Doors were made for a reason. To be shut.” 

I know I can’t back down, so despite the tigress snapping at me, I approach and sit next to her on the bed, “Zain wanted me to bring this tray of tea and snacks. It’s a rare tea, from the petals of the monarch flower.” 

Runa lets out a snort and a short mocking laugh before shifting and sitting up in bed next to me. Unable to contain herself, Runa bursts out laughing, “Oh, that dumb story he always tells. Zain’s always a big fanboy of fantasy stories with romance and legends. Lately, he’s been telling me about this novel he’s reading, of a girl from Chicago who gets dropped into some fantasy world and she managed to help save a knight and sorceress escape the wrath of an evil queen.” 

I set the silver tray onto my lap and mention to Runa that the novel was made into a movie a couple summers back.

“There was a movie called The Void’s Embrace, it was pretty popular and the audience was so disappointed when the knight sacrificed himself to save the girl and the sorceress. The sorceress lost her memory, but at the same time that also meant she forgot about years of war and abuse. The girl was heartbroken, but wanted the sorceress to live a peaceful life without memory of war and abuse. At the end of the movie, true love’s kiss brought the memories back.”

Runa rolls her eyes and grabs a biscuit from the tray to pop into her mouth, speaking as she chews. Some turnips sneak out of the crate, curious about the sugary crumbs dropping to the floor. Runa flicks pieces of biscuit down to the curious turnips.

“Silly humans. To hell with true love’s kiss. Fantasy romance is such bull crap because the writers make it so poetically perfect, but in reality that’s not how it works. You're such a hopeless nerd for fantasy romance. Nothing in reality is that perfect, second chances and redemption don't exist. Once you fucked up once in real life, there's no fixing it. Everyone will look at you like you're a monster that belongs in some deep, dark pit or locked up forever in a dungeon. True love doesn’t exist.”

Challenging the tigress in her lair proves difficult, but I know need to take a risk.

“But, fantasy stories like that give us hope to keep trying. The sorceress knew she did horrible things in the past, so she didn't feel like she deserved to be loved. I think that everyone deserves a chance. Whatever happened yesterday can't be changed, whatever's going to happen in the future is uncertain, but today...we can control what we do today in the present. I want to take control of the present. And, I just wanted to know your honest feelings. Everytime I try to ask you about our relationship, the door slams shut in my face.”  

Runa turns to face me so fast, bracing both my shoulders with such ferocity that it knocks the tray off my lap. The sounds of the silverware and tray dropping wake up some more turnips that had been sleeping in a crate nearby. They wobble out, some of them yawning -- and they begin to help their mother clean up the mess. I'm momentarily distracted by the cute, sentient root vegetables and don't notice that Runa's face is only inches from mine. I only snap out of my turnip pantomime trance when I feel her hot breath against my cheeks, but I don’t cower as she roars at me, bearing her teeth.

"Like I said. Doors were made to be shut. Stubborn humans. You don't fucking understand anything about about me and my past! Nobody understands me, yet everyone judges me and tries to help me. I suggest you stop trying and just give up now, just like the rest of them gave up on me and left me hanging. Stop giving me false hope, the light is unreachable from where I am deep in the lair. You don't fucking know shit. I wish you'd have never shown up at the cafe!” 

The words Runa spew at me are harsh, but I know that’s just her way of shielding herself from her emotions. Following her outburst, she uses her arms as a physical shield, crossing them over her bosom as she turns her back to me. Even as Runa's hands drop from my shoulders, I can still feel their heated presence like footsteps on hot sand that only slowly wash away with the cold ocean tide. I gently place my hands on Runa's shoulder to comfort her, but she jerks around to face me, freezing from the sudden touch, eyes wide with surprise that any prey would dare challenge the predator.

I take a deep breath and lock my eyes with Runa's.

“Yes. You got that right! I am a stubborn human, but this means I will never, NEVER give up on you. My entire life, I've known the pain of loving someone, but needing to suppress it, to hide it deep in my heart because others around me won't accept it. The fear of rejection, the fear of the one I love leaving me because I'm not worthy enough or I'm not real enough. It's like drinking poison everyday. You're not the only one with monsters within you. We all carry that burden, but at the same time we dream that one day we'll find someone who will accept us for the monsters we truly are.” 

Runa opens her mouth slightly about to speak, but her lips become sealed again and she averts her gaze away from me. The tigress knows she’s been challenged --she’s never been challenged before by prey and she doesn’t know how to counter it. 

So, I continue to advance, “Everytime I see you, hear your voice, feel your presence, and smell your scent -- it's like drinking more poison. I know it's killing me, but I can't stop drinking it.” 

I shift my hands up her shoulders until I’m cupping her warm, flushed cheeks and turn her face so we’re gazing into each others eyes. With confidence that prey never had against a predator I attack, “Runa Amberthorne, true love is the antidote. But, I'm content to drink all your poisons until the day I die.” 

With that being said, I draw her face towards mine until our lips meet. The tension, like sparks, suddenly ignites a fire I’ve never seen before in Runa’s eyes. The tigress is finally awake and I’m vulnerable as the prey. She wraps her arms around my body and returns the kiss with ferocity, deep and passionate -- her tongue dancing in my mouth as she explores and tastes me. As the dance ends, she playfully rakes her teeth against my lower lip and gently bites down before sitting back to catch her breath. Runa rolls her tongue across her lips and teeth and I know she's hungry for more. Offering myself, I fall back onto the bed, my hair sprawling out on either side of my head -- my quickened breaths and gasps only fueling the flames of her desire.

Like a tigress she pounces on to me, framing my body with both her muscular arms, nails digging into the bed like claws -- I’m frozen like prey staring into her intense amber eyes, but soon heat spreads through me like a wildfire out of control as she rips my clothing off -- nails digging into my skin as she does so. The slight sight of blood trickling from where her nails streaked down my tender skin releases her ferocious inner beast. The tigress, starved for eons begins to devour me from head to toe. 

I can feel how toned Runa’s arms are against my inner thighs as she lays fiery kisses down my body, lower and lower, until I gasp her name. Strands of Runa’s pink bangs stick to her face, now slick with the sweat. Runa slightly tilts her head up and our eyes lock. She sets my flames of desire ablaze with deliberate, relentless strokes of her tongue. I don’t dare break my gaze with her amber eyes, for I want the flames to keep burning hot throughout the night. 

I am hers now and forever, as she claims and marks me with her mouth.