#WHERE THE FUCK WAS THERE 5 ACTUAL POINTS DIFFERENCE?????
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Nobody:
Me: um yeah so that SD scoring at worlds 2013 was a complete joke!
#5 POINTS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!#look I’m no skating expert that��s for sure but DW were not EVER 5 PONITS better than VM in A N Y sense of the concept!!!#WHERE THE FUCK WAS THERE 5 ACTUAL POINTS DIFFERENCE?????#VM’s performance. skating skills#chemistry. ets makes up for A N Y minor -YES MINOR MY GOD THE TWIZZLE THING WAS BARELY A. T H I N G#WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK this sport is so corrupt omg#sorry or this out burst I just re watched it and I cant fucking believe how screwed over they were#OMG ISU DI YOU TAKE US FOR FOOLS!#ok bye thanks for my Ted talk#worlds2013#as always sorry if there are typos above#I’m angry u get it
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this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail
sorry got in character for a second
Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though
congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)
#im still not far into nemesis personally but im very much enjoying it#honestly in a weird way it feels like it's moving faster than HD did. which. is funny bc nemesis is like The gated behind item grinds quest#idk. HD was a fun slowburn where we adventured around gathering our rogues gallery before the action kicked in#nemesis on the other hand feels like im picking up halfway through a batman serial#fallen london#ask#it's WAY more fucked up right off the bat than HD was. honestly ive thought abt red honey for ages. that's so fucked up#and we LEAD with that?? Okay#definitely a horrors-filled ambition befitting caeru (the guy who's constantly going through horrors)#it really encourages you to get fucked up and freaky and in ur character's headspace at basically every step along the way#i only have HD to compare it too but HD was like. a lot more interpretative in comparison? at least to me. that's what it felt like#and i adore HD for that dont get me wrong here#HD just also waited until like. halfway through before it asked what the scoundrel actually Wanted out of its heart's desire#nemesis in comparison is right off the bat who died? who are you mourning? anguish. justice. there must be vengeance.#it's a delightfully different vibe!! i like it!!!#oh god sorry anon im doing the classic yin talking way too much in the tags thing again#i havent had much excuse to talk abt nemesis and what i think of it so far and of course its rp effects on caeru#but i do have a handful of thoughts on it#it's good. im liking it so far. it's starting very strong if nothing else. and i have no spoiler knowledge of what happens in the future#beyond the choice between rewards at the very end#and im SO curious how we'll get to that point. what horrors will we adventure through next? off we go to find out!#it's biggest glaring weakness so far is how horrendously grindy it is. and like. ive been warned and done my research ahead of time#im doing it on the same account im seeking. i knew what i was getting into. but also gots damn.#in comparison HD's 5-card lodgings and dreamgate feel like footnotes#anyway while im already way too deep into rambling did you know the honey trip gives you fate?? insane. why does it do that. hilarious even
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it was so stupidly difficult to find any nutritionist who has experience with arfid & takes insurance so after having to go through all these referrals my therapist sent me & jumping through hoops I lowkey hate the lady lmao feels like such a waste of time & energy
#its only our third time meeting but its so beyond fucking frustrating to feel like we spent the whole hour going in circles & lowkey arguing#& like she never actually listened to any of the things ive told her. like the ENTIRW REASON i told her i was seeking extra help after#dealing w arfid type noncense all my life was 'achieving goal x is always kind of tough but im trying to do it while also achieving goal y &#im struggling with finding a way to balance the two things' like thats IT & then as shes suggesting things to try im like idk of those are#worth the effort bcus they conflict w goal y & shes like. have you considered not worrying about that so you can focus on x?#like NO bcus thats what i was previoislt doing & it doesnt fucking work for me! & she was just not understanding what i meant by adding#variety or having 'better options' shes all like. ok but even if this new thing conflicts with goal y it can just be another option for you#like thats not the POINT i already have enough options i can switch between that conflict with that like the whole point is i need to fill#the gaps w things that are nutritionally different. like if im ok with something thatll use up a significant portion of ny daily values of#shit then i already have multiple options that i actively like well enough i dont wanna waste my time adding more that are things i think#are just ok but take more work. literally whats the point of that#& im like i think rather than me just thinking of random shit i think i could try itd be helpful if I could like get some guidance on like#what are some things that fall into somewhere into this category or this adjacent category while also not being this other thing & then i#cab like determine from there what i already like & can try & add more of & things from that list that sound like sth i can try#& shes like well idk theres a lot of foods out there. YEAH ABD ISNT IT YOUR FUCKING JOB TO KNOW ABOUT FOOD? like i gave fairly specific#parameters this isnt like a 'list every food on earth' type of question what am i even paying you for if you cant come up with a list#like that. & she jept getting hung up on like well lots of things that are the most calorically dense are gonna be like that like ok it#doesnt have to be the MOST dense maybe think about it like 'the densest things in this other category' which sounded straightforward to me#but she was just like continuing to argue & also like getting hung up on reminding me that everything is dependent on portions like#I FUCKING KNOW?? like if a serving of something is like 10% of my dv id rather find something where a serving is 5% etc. idk how thats like#a hard concept like whats the point of adding something to be like oh sure ill have a third of a serving & get 50 extra calories out of it#be so fr rn im so beyond frustrated still even tho its been hours since i talked to her this is more stressful & annoying than the stress of#just trying to figure shit out on my own i fucking hate having to try & re explain nyaelf ivee & over & have someone just talk over me &#fail to understand what im getting at. im one more shitty session away from quitting & just resigining myself to 70% liquid diet#anyways#texticles
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hi. for people who saw gatsby: an american myth. do you remember mckee asking nick for lunch. and then gatsby in like the next scene inviting nick for lunch. because i remember.
#not pjo#chitter chatter#when gatsby was like 'we should do lunch' i was like. hello. fucking. hello. are we. hello.#gatsby really said we just met literally 5 minutes ago. come meet my father figure. normal normal thing to do jay.#to be clear gatsby also asks him to go to lunch in the book. but like. there's a time skip. and also#in the show after mckee asks they immediately start making out on the couch. none of this ... nonsense#so the vibes are a LITTLE different in my brain.#i saw a few people say they didnt think gatsby and nick flirted enough and like while i do think that think part of it is we're#in nick's pov but not his HEAD#he DOES start singing about gatsby's smile for no reason until jordon is like. alright buddy. lets talk about daisy.#like nick was just Doing That. pull it together carraway.#but i got the vibe (JUST my take) that gatsby was like. kinda into nick. zero reason to be leaning into his space like that sir.#however when he actually MET daisy again he became kinda singularly focused on her again#i mean he built his whole lifeup to this moment#he says it at the end. he murdered pieces of himself to bring himself here. for DAISY.#him snapping back to daisy mode makes sense to me but he still reaches out for nick as a comfort in the sense that hes like#nick do NOT leave please stay with us. daisy does the same. and ofc part is that theyre really. fucking awkward. but like.#LET ME HAVE MY OWN NONSENSE INTERPRETATIONS. HES TRAPPED BY WHITENESS AND CLASS AND HETEROSEXUALITY.#hes already so much of an outsider trying to fit in. (i also think he loves daisy or an ideal at least. and she's EASIER to love. safer.)#nick inherently has more freedom even as a gay man in the sense that hes richer and white and an ivy league dude i mean you understand righ#right????????#even if its in the book i do wanna point out the parallels between those moments. im choosing to see it as deeply intentional <3#this show had a lot of repetition and parallels (see daisy and myrtle in a lot of songs and scenes)#(one i LOVE is tom giving myrtle a necklace and daisy later giving TOM her necklace in case he sees anyone he knows. idk love that shit)#im...gonna queue this#im embarrassed to talk about this show so much. so. into the queue it goes!!!#all the worlds a stage#so like. anyway. thats where i think nick's mind immediately went when gastsby asked him for lunch. personal headcanon <3#gatsby after one convo: we're doing lunch // me and nick immediately: oh ok! guess that's a date then!
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Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
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i don't like season three when viewing it as a continuation of seasons one and two, but i do very much like season three when viewing it as the prequel to seasons four and five... hmmmmm.
#rewatching it bc i wanted to make another foreshadowing compilation post for myself regarding what will's actions will#likely be in season five re: vecna and lmao. so many things are just... it's like. it makes me laugh how In Your Face it is now#that we know all that we know. so many direct parallels both with dialogue and actions. mike/will/lucas/el foreshadowing their s4 roles.#the flaying of the holloways and the creels. the dormancy / activation shit. the building shit. the natural progression of their arcs.#the different ways that their characters approach problem solving and how we see tht reinforced by s4. it's so fascinating#genuinely i think idk it was just such a big culture shock i guess u could say from 1 and 2 that it was hard to digest on its own for me#but now that 4 is in the same vein it's like Oh. Okay. Yeah no. I get it now. That's cool. I'm forever bitter but I get it and respect it.#3 4 and 5 are a package deal considering they also said 4 was like part 1 of 5.#it also makes sense bc the point of 3 was that everyone was changing and building themselves in a new way and that#includes vecna so. just so fascinating how they link everything and how their vision is so consistent with certain plots and characters#like. the lucas max mike n will + el involvement is right there. the idea that they have to kill vecna and not just his puppets is right#there. that 2nd point starts in season two but three is where it really turns into an ''the end justifies the means'' situation#(especially for will which i think is something a lot of people overlook but—)#s3 is painful when considering their personal character arcs but fucking delicious when considering the overarching supernatural vecna plot#bc thts also when he starts his ''there is no stopping this'' shtick and actually enters the story#and he's fucking slimy lol. which i Love#anyway. omg first i defended mike in the rain fight and now i'm saying i kind of like season three who the FUCK am i!!!!!#crazy what feeling the need to defend a white boy's honor will do to you 😳
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something i was thinking about on stand yesterday.. danganronpa shsl lifeguard who tries to save a dying person they find, bonus points if they dont come clean about it at first because they think they actually killed that person with their efforts
#or if they do actually kill them which would be really tragic. this happens in chapter 4 of course#ok i actually put way too much thought into this. to put it into perspective i had shifts with 5 hours on stand saturdsy and sunday#i thought of it on saturday 20 mins in. so this concept has been in my brain for a while#anywayyy im thinking she had some pretty high profile eddie aikau type saves and got a little famous off that#AND is always offering to help people#so for the sake of writing another tragic athlete yuri ch4: i think the victim in her case is someone who is adamant about not wanting help#like a woman playing a sport typically seen as being manly (american football rugby wrestling etc etc)#im imagining shes from a family of pretty good (male) athletes and is constantly dealing with comparisons to portray her as weaker#she wont accept help or medical assistance because she thinks it makes her weak. which is a trait female characters should have more#so you get two really valid worldviews and its debatable whether the victim actually needed medical assistance/help or if it#just made things worse#anyway im imagining the ending of the previous chapter shows a black screen with#'unknown: hey hey are you okay?'#and ms life guard tries to give her situationship a slightly dignified resting place so we dont discover the body for a little while#not too long but a little while#actually i think the lifeguard killing the athlete with chest compressions would make a really compelling scenario#where the actual person with murderous intent was someone who poisoned or near-fatally hit the athlete#and they get to walk free (under extreme suspicion from other students) while the girl who got sooo close to saving her dies#lifeguard could be someone whos easily distracted but locks in while on duty to the point where shes like a different person#but slipping up and breaking the athletes rib (or whatever) was her one moment of panic#because she cared about the victim on a personal level#i neednto be sedated so i shut the fuck up. tomorrow is the first day of school bro#i DID say i had 10 hours to think about this
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okay facing consequences of my actions
#I thought I’d gotten away with it this time#okay it’s 3am and I may have discovered something that completely ruins me#everyone is asleep so I can’t tell if this is me being sleep deprived or not!#so I need to sleep now but I haven’t cleaned my code up or written my answers#I do Not have time#if I don’t sleep now I’m gonna be having a bad time tomorrow morning and I am significantly less productive rn than I could be#with other people around I kinda need that y#so I should go to bed. but also. this code needs cleaning. but also. even if I fall asleep now I’m only getting like 5 hours MAX#I need a good few hours tomorrow morning to have a shot at doing this properly#so it would be more useful to sleep now and wake up as early as possible than keep going tonight bc I’m not going to finish tonight#okay. fuck. I hate this#if I could think straight I’d be able to fix this easy which is probably a good reason to sleep#it’s just an annoying logical problem that I gotta follow through bc currently I’m stuck between three possibilities and there might be more#I have these two rasters and I gotta calculate the area overlap#the first method counts the number of presence points in each (probably) and then counts the number in overlap raster w manually set values#the second counts total predicted points and points where they’re predicted to be alone and does a calculation with that for each species#that one with all points from both species + pseudoabsence. vs method 3 which does that with just individual species coordinates#method 1&2 are now homologous now I JUST caught the logical error but method 3 is what he gave us#but actually he might have fucked up in not including pseudoabsence#i don’t know if method 3 works for two different species either honestly#it gives me results I like much more (my overlap is 100% for one of the species and that shoooouldnt rlly happen even if it’s possible) but#I think it might actually just be wrong because it can’t account for#wait so the line is taking the prediction for all coordinates for each species for each species’ initial coordinates. and not pseudoabsence#and that set of predictions for each species coordinate set is then taken and yeah it’s no longer comparable you can’t count each alone#not with two different species bc you need an overlapping dataset to do that OKAY I have solved that logical problem my initial method works#which is annoying bc the result sucks but whatever I checked the rasters and it’s actually identical so#okay now I’ve figured that out. twenty minutes later. sleep I think it’ll help most#luke.txt
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hopefully it's just tonight but i haven't written at all in the last couple of days and i tried again tonight and it didn't work AGAIN i just can't get myself to write idk sometimes i really feel like the sequel to silence agenda is literally never ever going to actually get written and there's no point in even trying
#like i go thru phases where i'm all excited about it and they never last and i NEVER fucking finish anything with it#like literally ever#i have started to write this novel literally like 4 or 5 times now at this point?#and i can't get it done ever#since 2020 i've been working on it for almost three years#i've been making steady progress on tmtou i literally rewrite silence agenda like every fucking year#and yet i fucking can't get this story written#and idk how much of the problem is me how much of the problem is US and how much of the problem is my motivation levels and stuff#idk idk i think i'm just In It tonight and i'll probably feel differently later#it goes in these cycles#but idk man for awhile i was REALLY CONVINCED that this was gonna be the Time that i actually got this book written#i have the story! i have it! i just need to make it! and idk how!!!#i try and then a week later i can't#and my brain is hyperfixating on other things (idk why i decided to reread aftg) so i just Can't#and i do wanna get silence agenda published soon so i wanna focus on that#but i feel like i can't deliver on this sequel i feel like i can't even write it#idk i've never spent THIS LONG and gotten THIS MANY DRAFTS out of a book without being even like. close to the halfway point#i should finish it! i want to! i want to want to! but i fucking CAN'T#part of it is me part of it is the fact that it's hard to write when kat's not around and she hasn't been lately#idk i really thought i was gonna be able to do it this time. but apparently not#idk when i'll learn#that i can't write this fucking book#win rambles
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i just wanna say that you're 100% right about Vi, i also wish people wouldn't just toss her aside like that, she's just as important to the team. like, she has depth dang it! she's more than just Funny Bee Who Likes Berries! also you're super right about people trying to squish Team Snakemouth into little nuclear family shaped holes. that's all, just wanted to give you a high five for complaining about stuff that also annoyed me
We've been chattering about it for... more than a year now, we think? Not necessarily via public venues, since this fandom's close-knit enough that stepping on toes is a major issue, but Team Snakemouth is a TRIO, not a duo, and trying to squish the relationship down to just "two dads and their baby kid" really just seems... reductive. Exhausting.
Vi's one of our favourite characters in the game, and it gets really tiring to see her treated as a third wheel. Even beyond the infantilization that's utterly rampant in this fandom, Vi, more than everyone else, gets things... sanded off, or just ignored. Either she's a bratty little kid who doesn't know better, or she's a background object, and that's just... taking a big chunk out of the team dynamic. She's got complexity! She's part of the team, not some random kid that Kabbu and Leif are dragging along on their adventures! She's a valuable part of the team, and she should be treated as such!
#full disclosure saying anything abt vi is like. the only thing thats gotten us hate here bc some people in here are weird abt it#we do think that a lot of the fandom issues here also track back to the refusal to acknowledge the incredible dysfunction of the hive#like. vi's Fucked Up and just because no one's dead doesn't mean that her trauma is any less valid#everything that caused her misery is still alive and kicking and she has to make nice with it as part of her job!#her ENTIRE first interaction with jaune reads as textbook emotional abuse! like. we could read symptoms off from a textbook for it#vi is in that specific Young Adult stage where shes striking off on her own and running up against the wall of not knowing how to do shit#and in that specific state where she was never taught to do her own shit because she was never expected to strike off outside of the family#shes reverse engineering being a functional person from peanuts and a handful of leftover abuse! of COURSE shes a bit fucked!#she ran away from home and sheltered with a bunch of criminals and shes incredibly written as an abuse survivor but it still seems to be#unintentional#shes a neat character. we still think abt the fact that the devs discounted her as “not having actual problems”.#we can elaborate on all of these points btw#at all times we are like 5 seconds away from pulling out several different articles on emotional and familial abuse and going full like#“do you understand? do you see the problem? do you understand whats happening here?”#we still think abt the fact that vi was working shifts at the honey factory before running away#we think abt the fact that that canonically involves things like days-long shifts. we think abt “theyre used to being there a while”#we think abt how jaune uses “child” as a blunt force weapon to discredit vi's thoughts and feelings as not really mattering#and how vi reacts to being called a kid in light of it#and how bianca leaps to claim her as Her Child once vi's accomplished something decent despite vi being visibly uncomfortable#we think about how a queen can claim any worker as Her Daughters but most workers cant call their queen their mother#we think about it a lot#...anyways this has derailed into vi trauma talk but uhh. yeah the current fandom attitude annoys us to hell and back#she isnt just Some Kid and tbh calling her a kid in general rubs us the wrong way if only because of how much baggage she has attached#obviously shes not gonna be normal or well-adjusted. have u SEEN her household? she ran away to an illegal bar over her house#but it could really help if people could treat her like a person rather than just a child accessory to her teammates adventures#she earned that damn self-sufficiency and by fuck we are gonna get some decent stuff out there even if we have to claw it from our own mind#bug fables#we speak#asks
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Sickness update: Still coughing, but it's (mostly) dry coughing now, and my headache is gone! But I'm not at 100% back-to-normal mental capacity yet either :(
Writing update: I've been hard at work on my angsty longfic! I was going to work on something lighter (especially with my cold) but all of a sudden more and more ideas to add to my AU kept popping in my head and I just had to jot them down.
Before long I was finally organizing my outline by putting all my previous bullet-point came-to-me-at-random-times-of-the-night-and-put-in-an-equally-random-order concepts into plot-chronological order as they should be, and making headings/sections for the major location changes to find stuff easier, and getting down how exactly series-and-collection-wise I want to go about categorizing the fic and its sequels, and finalizing their titles (which are all names of songs on The Glitch Mob's Drink the Sea album, give it a listen with good headphones if you haven't before, it's great background music!!) and oh yeah I needed to go over the h2hs again better open that doc, and I definitely need to have the game's script and cutscenes on hand for reference as needed (which was very frequently) and now baby I've got a stew going
I'm having so much fun writing characters I haven't gotten to write before, and (minor/vague Xenoblade spoilers) digging into the details of the lore about Face Mechon and expanding on my take of what was happening on the Mechonis before the party got there, and fitting lots of little puzzle pieces that the game gives you but doesn't directly tell you they belong together which is why I love it so much, and getting into such a nice flow state with it all and gjshfhskfh I love Xenoblade 1 so muchhhhhh!!!
So all that is to say I will hopefully be posting the prologue tomorrow or the day after! :) No promises as it's gotten much longer/more-detailed than I planned for (although I really should have expected that, it's always how it goes with me when I'm having fun writing I just can't stop haha) but it is most definitely on the way to being published soon!
#aside#before i get into mild spoilers for my fic (as in no details about the plot itself but i mention#which characters i'm writing in the prologue so if you want to go in completely blind turn back now!)#i will fill space by reiterating that drink the sea is such a good album and you should listen to it#my favorite track is Starve The Ego Feed The Soul :) listening to it with really good headphones and no other background noise is so#mmmmmmm it tickles my brain in the best way#as for the fic though i am having SO. much. fun. writing egil and mumkhar#i don't mention egil much publicly but he's one of my absolute fav characters from xc top 5 for sure#finally getting into his headspace and delving into his subtleties like his arrogance and loss of empathy is very :)#quite different from anything i've written before but in a good way. hope you like it as much as i had fun writing it!#and writing mumkhar's enthusiastic and sarcastic dickishness is a blast lmao#he was only supposed to be a small feature and likely even just an offscreen mention or two from egil#but then i realized how much i had written with zero dialogue (i like to do that especially in the middle of a conversation lol) and#i thought ''hm let's fix that! in fact part of my reason for having mumkhar here is that#he talks way too fucking much and it annoys egil to the point where he literally stitches his mouth shut so yeah having him actually#talk with specific words is important to the point i'm trying to make!'' and then oops my draft is an extra page longer now#but i had fun writing it and if it serves the story and the points i want to get across then i can't find the heart to delete it#and hey it's been so long since i've published anything so more is better anyway right?
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At least even when I was a teenager and identified as communist, I was still never a soviet apologist
(And as I got older I came to dislike the USSR more and more and more, also seeing that soviet apologism kinda tended to fuck things up for western communists cause they'd be so busy running defense for people who didn't like or care about them, that actually getting policies passed to help western workers came second to being a tankie)
(Straight up, while I was volunteering in Quebec, one of the people I stayed with had this book by her uncle about being a Canadian communist, and he basically pinned soviet apologism as the whole reason he left the party cause they were more interested is doing PR for the kremlin than they were interested in like... unionizing in Canada)
Anyway, tankies suck, soviet apologism suck, and I'm glad to be able to say that even when I was a communist I didn't fall into that trap... like thank fuck for that, you know?
#honestly my positions as a teenager were more or less what they are now; just not as clear and using different worse terms#these days I'm just so sick of legislating what's socialism; what's capitalism; what's whatever#that it's like man... I think robust social safety nets are good in a lot of ways including for the economy#and I think that probably using currency makes more sense than barter#I just also think strong regulations are important cause otherwise you wind up with rat shit in the food (need stronger than we have)#and I think that handing out that money via welfare is a good way to get people spending and also living decently#so call that whatever the fuck you want; I don't care about the label; I care about achieving those goals or something similar#really just don't like labels these days; like descriptivism where I describe what I am and let other people fill in the blanks#makes for a lot less confusion than post communist when I'd always have to be arguing over what a socialist was#I no longer give a shit; I yam what I yam; and what I yam is someone who likes welfare and making sure people have enough#also fucking over big companies; I'm for that over all#part of the reason I stopped being a communist is I've had this rule for years now that says#'groups of roughly more than 50 people start getting corruption'#communism 100% works on a small scale; most households are communist; everything into the big pot to serve the communal good#my minecraft server is communist; we don't sell each other stuff; all goes into the same pot and we take and share what we need#at a scale of like 10 people communism actually works great; isn't a dirty word at that point#it's chipping in and being part of a community#(you gotta be a real messed up group of people for sharing and pooling resources to lead to mass graves when there's like 5 of you)#but in a big group communism is a great way to have the worst person get absolute power; it just sucks ass and should never be done#wonderful in theory; but doomed 100% of the time in practice; never do communism on a government scale#but anyway; same reason I hate communism is why I also hate mega corps... lot more than 50 people#and what do you know? they're corrupt as shit#other thing about less than 50 people; you can kinda more directly see when someone sucks#and you can kick em out; or you can leave; or you can say 'that small business is awful; I'm never shopping there'#I don't know; I'm just thinking outloud at this point; I can't give you some detailed polisci paper in fucking tumblr tags
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I have obtained a new oc and in the process I've already signed myself up for needing to make at least 3 new ocs for his story which he now has despite me initially Intending for him to be a side character for a different side character to hang out with. My townhouse has over 200 characters on it.
#rat rambles#oc posting#he doesn't have an official name yet but he is my silly billy and I love him#also take every him with an asterisk again he's like super new (I just got him today)#although several elements of his story so far have been things Ive been wanting to do for a while so thats a part of why I have so many#ideas for him already since its some stuff I've been wanting to play around with for a while#the real reason he has a chokehold on me rn is that I tripped and made him my 500 thousanth character with identity issues#I <3 characters with a fucked up relationship with their sense of self and what it even means to be themself#oh hes also a magic cat world character because thats what like 90% of my ocs are from at this point lol#and another goop related guy but this time not directly related to every other goop guy#he doesnt interact with any of them or even know most of them exist#long story short hes a robot who used to not be a robot but remembers nothing abt his life before he turned himself into a robot#all he has as reference is a mostly ruined journal his past self kept that is almost entirely unreadable due to it getting soaked in goop#he knows that this was self inflicted and his approximate age but that's abt it in terms of useful information#early story is mostly just him traveling alone trying to see if anyone nearby knows who he is but after going through like 5 or so towns he#starts to get more worried and upset about the whole situation and starts trying to look into some different missing person reports in#hopes that he can find one of himself#he runs out of the savings he had on him pretty quickly though so he had to figure out how to stay afloat while doing his research#'luckily' he meets a man while looking into one case he found who was willing to let him stick around at his place while looking into it#this guy had some investment in these dissapearances because he suspected that they related to his father and hoped to find any sort of#window in what he was up to since he hadnt seen him since he ran away at around 17#spoilers his dad is cake this is still connected to cake nonsense because everything in this world fucking does but the main boy himself#actually has no ties to cake or his activities so thats smth at least#but yeah long story short things get. real bad for my boy after the first few months of staying at this guy's place.#yknow how risa in the future was often used as a weapon of war using some unstable chemicals? yeah guess where that started.#mr daddy issue haver over here may understand that his dad is a bad person but evidently that doesnt stop him from being not much better#currently Im planning on having main boy escape eventually and get stuck in the non magic world where he meets april but that could change#it depends on if I want him to interact with the other stories going on at all or not#I probably wont but I would like to leave myself some wiggle room to let him meet more side characters#like (looks with big sad wet eyes) ginger maybe? please? please april? let me see your sister? that you havent seen in years? please?
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i really have to motivate myself to finish the thelxie event fast or it's just going to end with no freminet on my alt account
#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo,ide yo !!#it's not that i hated the event per se#i'm just really not in a genshin mood these days#i reached a milestone irl,but that doesn't mean i can afford to relax and play a game for hours on end#which is how i prefer to play this game. i want to sit somewhere comfy and comb through the world with the interactive map#for combat players that might sound like the biggest slog of all time#but i think it's a nice,chill way to play. the world was created to be enjoyed after all#unfortunately i'm very susceptible to falling into “waiting mode”#so anything that registers in my brain as “time-consuming” gets put on the metaphorical top shelf (out of reach)#and then i can't bring myself to do anything that doesn't feel like i could be done with in 5 minutes#even though i almost always end up doing the “5-minute tasks” for hours. like scrolling through tumblr or youtube shorts and shit#there's also other reasons but i don't like talking about those much#suffice it to say that i'm in a weird place in my life rn where i can *technically* relax but i still feel like i can't#i've also been sleeping so much. to the point where it feels like my waking hours are being sacrificed for too much sleep#i really am getting older huh. it doesn't feel that long ago when i was a kid and had the exact opposite problem#tbh my current problem saddens me way more. i don't want to sleep any more than absolutely necessary#because then it feels like i'm sleeping my life away. it's almost surprising how shitty that actually feels#i feel like taking a fucking nap right now even. it feels crazy that this would bring me to tears but it does#it feels like my life didn't get any less pathetic. just pathetic in a different way
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#through a series of strange circumstances i've actually found myself in possession of a free copy of the new f*nal f*ntasy game#and i wasn't gonna play it after kind of fucking hating the demo. but like yk when shit's free i felt like i had to give it a bit of a go.#and i'm gonna try to play more of it but...it's so boring rn i'm so sorry#i do not care about these characters and i do care about the plot rn#and i literally feel like i'm going insane bc no one else seems to feel the way i do about it ggksbdk#like people are like 'the action combat is making it bad' and no that's not it#and other people are like 'people who don't like it have only played x' and no that's also not true#idk it's just weird and boring??#with some strange design choices and options that don't make a ton of sense to me#also tbh gameplay features that also don't make a ton of sense#like the consumable item carry limit. or the dodge button being what it is. or only being able to access a codex by talking to an npc.#like they're not game-destroying but they're odd and i don't quite get the point#but yeah idk i'm trying really hard to like it bc it actually kind of pains me to dislike a game in this series so much#but i just can't bring myself to be invested in the story or characters#i'm admittedly only 5 hours in but. i really would've expected something to sell me on at least ONE element by now#only thing i can say is generally positive is the majority of combat. just bc it's fine. nothing revolutionary i have no complaints.#interviews with y*shida are so funny tbh. where he's all talking about how he wanted it to feel different.#and that led to it feeling and looking like 17 other media properties. like...mission failed my dude.#anyway. i'll build up the perserverence to at least get...idk. 20 hours in is more than fair i think.#hoping it proves me wrong by then but good fucking lord. i've never been more dispassionate about a game from this series.#i'm not even like the people claiming it's 'not a REAL series entry'. like no it is. it's just a boring one lmao.
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this season we got to see a whole new side to caitlyn's fighting: close counters. something that she used to be so, SO terrible at.
This season, not only did we see her physically fighting twice, but she also went against the 2 most badass fucking terrifying butches on the show: Sevika and Ambessa. and in both times, she WON.
how does that make any sense? is she now an amazing crazy brawler who can kick anyone's ass??? hardly. of course there are factors at play that helped her achieve this other than raw strength (the hextech malfunction and mel's magic, respectively). but just how the hell did she even hold on her own in physical fights with these beasts of women without them literally flattening her in less that 5 seconds?
that's where a whole side of Caitlyn that i don't see discussed often comes in: respect. or at least, lack thereof. Caitlyn is one of the least respected characters in the show, by other characters. i've addressed it in a post before with Jinx, who doesn't want to acknowledge Caitlyn as a human, for many reasons, but it can definitely come across as disrespect. we saw it with Salo on 2 different occasions. Singed did not give a fuck about Caitlyn's threats and basically called her an impatient baby. she is referred to as a "child" or a "girl" more than fucking Isha. if we go back to season 1, seems like her own parents struggled seeing her as an adult that can make her own choices. her coworkers make fun of her dedication. Marcus thought she was an entitled brat. when they first met, VI didn't respect Caitlyn at ALL.
the 3 characters who know Caitlyn and respect her are: Vi, Jayce, and Mel. that's so fucking sad. Caitlyn wants to be acknowledged for who she is and her capabilities, yet she has to fight harder for it than anyone else around, despite her privilege. or maybe because of it. notice how it's something Maddie preys on: "Piltover looks up to you. i look up to you". she knows Caitlyn desperately wants be taken seriously.
back to fighting: if you notice, Sevika and Ambessa are doing the exact same thing here.
during their fight, Sevika looked like she was mostly just pushing Caitlyn around, trying to hold her off, while Cailtyn was fighting for her life.
we know how ruthless Sevika can be when she actually puts effort into fighting, but in this case it looks like she was playing with her food for just a little too long, and then the hextech weapons started freaking out. and that cost her the fight.
with Ambessa it's even clearer. yes, in a way she sees Caitlyn almost like a surrogate daughter, but does she? notice how she calls Mel by her name. she addresses Caitlyn as "child", and she's not even HER child. it's belittling. Ambessa mostly tries to mold her, and she clearly did not expect Caitlyn to be intelligent enough to pick up on it.
the whole fight in episode 9. Ambessa letting the mole she planted in Caitlyn's bed to execute her? not even doing it herself? disrespect. mocking her for being desperate? disrespect.
when they actually fight, Ambessa shows the exact same symptoms Sevika did. maybe its a Noxian ritual or something, to torture your victim before u publicly execute them, but in certain points in the fight she couldve had Caitlyn killed and just chose not to. it's especially noticeable after she gauges Caitlyn's eye, and Caitlyn rests defenseless on the floor, bleeding on 2 fronts. what does Ambessa say? "you fought well, child." if that's not the disrespect of the century i don't know what is. and AGAIN, this cost Ambessa the fight. and her life, in this case.
the saddest part of it all is that Caitlyn is the character that shows respect the most, to almost everyone she meets. regardless of how they treat her.
#moral of all this is respect the mongoose or she'll come for you.#caitlyn kiramman#youll be the death of me#arcane#arcane season 2
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