#UGh life is expensive
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Mad about my teeth being luxury bones rn
#over a grand to fix cavities huh???#but i am young and need these shits to last so many more decades...#i have 3 cavities that need fixed... but i think im only gonna fix 2#i feel shitty because i was saving all that money up for a bed frame but oh well i guess i want to keep my teeth more#and plus i have to go to the doctors for birth control and std testing...#at least my insurance covers a yearly std panel#UGh life is expensive
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THANK FUCK I finally got my pain meds back today and I’m so fucking happy because my fibro has been kicking my fucking ASS for so long now and I really need it back to not doing that (as much) 😭😭😭
now if only the pharmacy would finally stop dicking around with my fucking mood stabilizer AS WELL (for the third fucking time) so I could not feel Like This™️ that would be great or I’m gonna start hunting all the idiot fucking pharmacists there for sport one by one until they give me my fucking meds again 🙄
#I’m not happy to have to deal with the derealization/depersonalization the cymbalta triggers when I have to readjust to it but#at least the pain will be back to more manageable 😭 even if I have to keep reminding myself I’m real and I’m not dreaming#or that I’m the one making these movements and doing the things I’m doing and not just witnessing them from inside my head while my body is#on like autopilot and shit#because life feels so fucking off trying to get adjusted to it again after being off it for so long ugh#but once my mood stabilizer is finally fucking filled again and they stop fucking off with it that should help those side effects tbh#like I get it caplyta is fucking expensive so y’all don’t keep it on hand but you haven’t ordered it already wtf#the refills were sent in like a fucking month ago what are you fucking bitches doing with it
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..i might have to become an asshole and start asking people to pay for at least shipping on the bracelets going forward ough
#my bank account isnt looking great. and i still need to buy more stamps and padded envelopes for bigger sets#i hate charging money for something im making for fun and offering out of the kindness of my heart but thems the breaks#unfortunately living is expensive and so is sending stuff overseas ough#alternatively i just gotta wait until my bank account is steady enough so i dont have to ask for payment. which might take months#life is fucking fun just kill me why dont you#i cant even make anything new rn really i ran out of more letters and im just. ugh#fuck#night is an absolute mess on main
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PHEW TRICKING TREATS IS OVER THANK YOU FOR PLAYING!!!!!
waay more people played along than i expected so sorry i didnt get to everyone the day of but IT WAS FUN I HAD FUN! SEE YALL NEXT YEAR!!!! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!
#bookbird babbles#PHEW. THIS IS NOT AN IDEAL SETUP LMAAOOOO#me sitting on the floor staring up at my monitor with my tablet on tbe ground#i also. think i really do in fact want a display tablet#ive been holding off bc Expensive and my little one is absolutely fine and usable but ugh i think life would be easier with a display tablet#my back sure wouldnt hurt as much lol
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Everybody moved on to Penacony and I’m still in agony over the High Cloud Quintet lore… I’ll never move on from these tragic gay mfs
I do need,, HCQ revisited at some point. Doesn’t even have to be in any main story, I honestly just need more HCQ readables because those are some of the most enjoyment I’ve gotten out of Honkai Star Rail. Baiheng’s Travelogue to the Zhuming chANGED MY LIFE and sewed the seeds for an obsession that is far too unhealthy to the point I am in the process of wasting my money to make a Blade ita bag. And it was a single readable that started me spiralling into this obsession and made me motivated to read more readables and character stories and etc.
I need another Baiheng travelogue… here’s to praying we get another if we end up on the Yaoqing soon, in general heres to hoping for more BH lore on the Yaoqing since apparently she’s from a very prominent family on that ship.
I just really need more HCQ crumbs because as much as I love them, their in game dynamics are so underdeveloped. Yes, we have a lot of Dan Feng and Yingxing, but a lot is very vague, and we have to mostly make assumptions with the little crumbs we have. Baiheng and Jingliu also have a lot set up, but I really need more content of them because my god, we barely know anything bout their dynamic too. We mostly have the aftermath and Jingliu’s grief, but I want to know about their happiness so her prolonged mourning hits even harder by knowing exactly what she lost. Jing Yuan and Jingliu probably have the most show upfront dynamic mostly due to the animated short, but the knowledge of Jing Yuan’s dynamics with the rest of them are practically nonexistent outside of that one line about Yingxing and Jing Yuan bickering and sad looks he has that really don’t hit as hard in my opinion because we don’t have the context.
And personally out of all the dynamics I want more content more, I think I want Jing Yuan and Baiheng content the most. The lines he has when he visits the Express that are about her are my saving grace, I am the biggest advocate for these to have a very sweet familial kind of bond and messing around together causing all kinds of trouble. Bonus points if they get Yingxing along for the ride with them. But we have crumbs only 😭 we only have itty bitty crumbs and I am starving
I have a lot of my own views about what I hc their dynamics as due to what we know, but god I want to see what their dynamics in canon are supposed to be. I ranted so much about how I see Dan Feng and Yingxing’s potential dynamic, but even with that, I wanna know. I wanna know about Jingliu and Yingxing, to add even more pain to how their dynamic is now (which hehehe… I have some ideas for this specific topic, but I want canon stuff too not just my own hcs). I wanna see just exactly what Jingliu lost when Baiheng died, what in Baiheng and the way she treated her made her so devastated as to promise to cut down the stars from the sky (which? Is that? Potentially a code for something else like the current plan she has regarding a certain aeon?), like Jingliu was so clearly devastated and tormented by Baiheng’s death, still is 700 years later and we don’t know what about her made it so painful. Yes Baiheng was clearly kind as she’s been established, but just how was she kind to Jingliu? I have my own assumptions and conclusions given what we know about both, but even then it’s still something pretty completely fabricated in my head because we don’t have enough!! GIVE ME THE LIUBAI CONTENT HOYOVERSE I have you’re keeping it somewhere, tell me where
Ugh, too many HCQ thoughts in my head. I need to keep writing and finally finish that first chapter so I can reveal my insanity about them esp the Zhuming family to world. I love them
#i need to find like#a good large ita bag that isnt too expensive#because I’ve already got so many pins and keychains of blade saved#i just dont have a place to put it#buying merch of him brings me much joy#i love him sm#And ugh#the liubai brainrot is real#i am tempted to make a whole post for them like i did df and yx#but also thats even less steeped in bits of canon charactization so#i just want hcq content again :(#i miss them#i know ppl raved about the luofu being so boring and waiting to get out of it#but even with its flaws i loved the luofu so much#for many reasons one being my love of exploration regarding immortality and how it affects aspects of their society and their lives and#their relationships especially the side quests focused on like relationships between xianzhou natives and different people like#them and someone from the Vidyadhara like with that guy jealous of his past selves or a short life species like Banxia’s situation#i love it#hmmm#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr blade#yingxing#dan heng#dan feng#baiheng#jingliu#jing yuan#high cloud quintet
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g’mornin sweet friends! ᜊ꒰ ᜊ ´ ˘꒱ ੭♡ its another lovely thurs here in the city of lovers!! the sun is extra shiny, the birds are singin in tune, & the universe has smth amazing in store for every one of us!! i just KNOW IT!! ໒꒰ྀི∩˃ ᵕ ˂∩꒱ྀི১ i hope you all are feelin the magic in the air to assist w a great day!! <33
#ᕱ⑅ᕱ.* journals!#hihihihiiii :3 babys got some UPDATES!!!!#im still lookin for a place & boy howdy its been SO HARD ໒꒰ྀི𖦹﹏𖦹꒱ྀི১ everyth is so so expensive!! & FOR WHY!!!#we hired a few new ppl at wrk & they’re doin p well!! :3 im hopeful that they’ll wrk out!!#my stress has been an at all time high so my brain = soup (ᐡт ̫ тᐡ) & im tryin to listen to my body a lil more <33#OOOO OMG I ORDERED A FEW THINGS ONLINE!!! i got some new lipbalm & some lotion from glossier!! im obsessed omg!!#lots & lots of big stuff happenin w me which is why i’ve been so crap at bein present on here ໒꒰ྀི っ◞‸◟c ꒱ྀིა it makes me rlly sad that i#can’t keep up w everyth on here & in real life :’< im literally shit at bein an adult ugh (꒪̥̥﹏꒪̥̥ ) im so sorry !!!#but im hopeful that the universe has smth great planned for me ♡₊⁺ & i can’t wait to see what it is!! :3 MWAH MWAH MWAH have a great day!!
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What do I do if I don't want to be a boss ass bitch engineer anymore and just want to have a silly little farm with cows and a gay ass garden 😭
#this is so much work and I'm so tired 😩#I dont even like to be an engineer I feel like an expensive plumber 😭#I just want a silly little life in a cottage but I have to make money somehow#ugh#they're paying me 500€ a month bc I'm an intern and that's just enough to pay for my room but my bf has to provide food#and utilities for me and I hate it
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went to a baseball game yaaaaay! It was surprisingly very easy and fun, I see why people do it
#one of my arms is quite sunburned lol. the other is not#i snookered myself into buying an overpriced snapback so at least my face is safe....#im always like UGH an EVENT. its gonna be expensive and hard to get to#nope! public transportation (in MY shitty city?!?)#and like $20 for tickets. and then $30 for a hat.#me like hmm. I could make this a My Thing#my life#it helps that it was like the nailbiter of the 3 day old season we really blasted it out of the park
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anybody else frustrated at the AAC app options that exist out there because i am
#i'm gonna be so blunt because this is literally an accessibility feature that would make my life a little easier at times#the options all completely fucking suck ass#if there are any that are good they are way too expensive for me to even bother looking into#it's pathetic#like GENUINELY pathetic#why are SOUNDBOARDS that are not designed for AAC better suited for it#that's HORRIBLE because those are NOT GOOD for it either#i'm#ugh#i can't even articulate this one into words i just ranted like entire paragraphs to my friends about it though
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i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out
#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk#i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting#but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it#so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life#wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around#so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length#how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg#ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most#i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway#i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!!#i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well#i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately#I DUNNO#i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out#i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems#n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me#i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want#while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰#i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts#i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!!#its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there#i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl#i just dont know what yet#concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent#ok i think this ramble is ovr#im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!
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i havent been to the gym since i moved out & i wanna get active again but fr -_- i feel like everything is too much faff, too expensive or something that will bore me to tearssssss
#egg.txt#i was like ok before i go sign up to a new place i'll do the chloe ting workouts just to get a routine back in#my god . i have never wanted to sob more from just being so understimulated in my life#but theyre all the SAAAAAME. IM GOING TOKILLMYSELFFFFF.#and the stupid music makes me want to put knives in my fucking ears#i'd gym again but i just couldnt keep waking up at 5am i wasnt getting sleep & half the time i wasnt even able to get a good work out in#like it would be 30mins max of actual exercise and then like#+ so much more time just getting there and it was wrecking everything else in my schedule#it sounds so dumb but even shit like having to drop my bagg off & pick it up every day meant i had to get later buses (& more)#and it would mean just losing hours in total at that point. for what. for a 30 min workout. when i wasnt making any progress with anyway bc#i was getting no sleep? 😭#i wanted ot try running outside again but ugh not to be a baby but people have been harassing me in the street so much more again and i jus#cant fucking do it broooo#and im too shy for most classes . the other stuff is crazy expensive . im going to start gnawing on something for real#i was thinking abt bouldering but it looks so crazy fucking expensive#its rlly a shame bc i did rlly start to get into running too. i could get a treadmill but idek where to put it rn and it feels crazy#to get one when i dont even have a couch... ehrm
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ANYWAYS if anyone cares for the past couple of weeks i’ve been fixating on printmaking and finally bought some stuff to do linocut and i must say. rlly looking forward to finishing this bad boy
#gale screams into the void#art tingz#having the silliest little time of my life and no one not even finals season can stop me#i wanna get into ceramics too ugh but my school refuses to let me into the ceramics courses and doing it outside of that would be expensive.#sigh. diy printmaking it is
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Me: budgeting very strictly to buy the near-cheapest, most reliable car available
Also me: .......4L Jaguar... Vroom vroom ...
#i know i fly. i KNOW. if i didnt I'd have saved up a bit more#but life is for living and I cant buy a house here anyway#and i don't want to tie myself down for 40 years#but it would be super nice if buying a used car didnt wipe out the vast majority of my savings and leave me in that#'man i hope no other bog expenses suddenly come up' scenario ugh#bog expenses. whatever. im too tired to care#idk man it's just annoying that i took 3 weeks off work and spent a lot on a holiday and then this happens right after#esp. when it's like 1 month until payday still lol#the repair is about £500 and actually i could claim it on my insurance i think#but that car is just one £500 expense after the other and it bugs me with how underpowered it is#and it's definitely aching for a new clutch. mr. slippy disks#but then there's the risk of getting something just as troublesome#dios mio i am too sleepy for this shit#text tag
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what if I just don't go to college and live at the bottom of a pond instead
#post posting#the onlh schools i really like enough to spend four years of my life and thousands of dollars#either have ridiculous acceptance rates or dont have good art programs#theres always mass art but i dont really love it there#and i dont think i could get in#but i also dont want to work my ass off to get into a school with a low acceptance rate#just to end up feelinb stupid and surrounded by people a million times smarter than me#like. i want to be an art teacher. thats all i want. this shouldnt be so complicated.#i also really like hampshire college as a school#but i domt love the student environment/jobs prospects after?#and its really expensive for a school where you dont even get graded on things?#i love the course options and the campus#but i dont know that i love the school#like i dont want to spend all that money just to get an unspecified bachelor of arts#and have limited job prospects because of it#you know#ugh#they should invent a college that has the exact qualities that im looking for that i could actuallu get into
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someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck
#who is talking about this!!!! let me know#idk i have 0 expectations for my family but they still somehow always manage to let me down which#i was anticipating#and i didn’t think i would care because i have never cared before#but liiiiiike.#i wasn’t expecting to feel sad rofl but my family is so fucking flaky. again i KNOW THIS i know i cannot rely on any of them#it’s annoying when i have given them a year and a half to make plans and i have had so many people tell me they would be there#just to back out or ghost or come up with some excuse#like do you know how expensive weddings are 😭 JUST fucking be honest with me and rsvp no#anyway i was very intentional with the few family members i did invite#and specifically invited people i have a rapport with / had a good (ish lol) relationship with growing up#people i have bent over backwards trying to please!!! and dropping everything to help them out#and they can’t even be bothered to communicate with me lol it’s fine. like. i do feel like it’s internalized homophobia at this point#or maybe they have hated me this entire time which is totally plausible#but they KNOW how much ayesha means to me and knows that no one from her family is coming to our wedding#at the end of the day it’s going to be like. 5 people from my family 1 from ayesha’s (her brother) and like 30-40 friends#which i am so grateful for obviously#i sound like such a brat but it’s also like - watching your family continuously choose drugs/alcohol over showing up for you - lol#AGAIN i’m used to this and expected as much but i’m still feeling bad#just rsvp so i can move on with my life please. stop telling me you’re trying to make it work when we both know you aren’t#i have so much more to say but i’m going to sound crazy even though i knooooow it is homophobia like i Know it#i think there are certain people i will finally go no contact with for good after this#which is a freeing thought but i only invited v few family members to begin with. there’s abt to be no one left lmao#probably for the best#ugh whatever#again i can’t help but feel a certain way when they have done more/traveled further for relatives they hardly know#meanwhile i was forced to spend so much of my life living for these people and for them alone#AAAAAAAA i just want to scream#text
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#i know for a fact god is afraid of me because ive had so many spoons recently#like buckets of spoons#doing all my adulting#cleaning my house#taking care of myself#making real food#doing all my fun art projects#talking to my friends#not doomscrolling#then BOOM#serious and expensive dental issues 😐#i HATE TEETH#you're telling me just because i was undiagnosed add as a kid and physically couldnt bring myself to brush my teeth for myabe 2-3 months#im now fucked for LIFE ???#UGH#(and painful too)#(been in bed on more ibuprofen than is healthy and still in too much pain to do much besides scroll)#vent#vent post
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