#Twitter is annoying as all hell for ‘fighting’
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kukuandkookie · 10 months ago
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Man I should’ve gone to sleep ages ago or at least enjoyed myself by reading more danmei or manhua before I do so but…
I ran across a tweet asking if there’s any Chinese actors who can compare visually to a specific Korean actor and it did kind of strike a nerve with me.
But that wasn’t even that big of a deal. Some people like Korean actors and some people like Chinese actors. You can share some pretty Chinese actors and see what others say, whatever.
Ignoring the political tensions OP may have been stoking—as in, I’m of Chinese descent and I always hate seeing any Korea vs China posts crop up; besides being more popular than China anyway, I just have bad experiences in the past with nationalists spiralling this kind of thing out of control and making me sad to realize that quite a number of Korean people actually really hate/look down on China. So ignoring all that, who cares, right?
Except I found some care being piqued when I saw a qrt pretty rudely claiming Chinese actors are so weak they can’t lift their female partners and that they also can’t sing or act—and if OP could have, I’m sure they’d claim they can’t dance either.
Like hello??? We’re really pretending a country of 1.7 billion people isn’t going to have some skilled or strong people in acting??? Hell, some of these so-called “can’t sing/act” Chinese actors have actually found success in Korea for doing the thing that person thinks they can’t (eg Wang Yibo, literally). So is this apparent Korean entertainment fan just going to ignore that fact about the Korean entertainment industry???
Even all of that is technically whatever, but what rubbed me the wrong way was that they sounded so petty and weird about it too???? It’s one thing to say, “I don’t think Chinese actors are that impressive because they’re not very strong or skilled at their craft”—that’s still a bizarre claim to make even as an opinion (because it’s written as a broad, generalizing, sweeping statement instead), but it nevertheless sounds a lot less asshole-ish than whatever the hell their actual tweet is:
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So this time I was petty and ended up responding ffjhskdjs.
Idk if they’re going to start arguing with me but hey at least it led me to find some cute clips of actors carrying actresses:
youtube
I also found some fun facts about actors; some of which I knew, and some of which I didn’t: Song Weilong knows martial arts, Luo Yunxi knows ballet, Li Xian dives, Wallace Chung plays sports (volleyball, tennis, baseball), Huang Jingyu does Brazilian jiu jitsu…
Like those are all skills that just so happen to require strength.
And even skinny people can be strong (Luo Yunxi can be easily labelled thin, but he’s not without muscle. Like ballet isn’t an easy sport at all).
Then we have the opposite side of the spectrum with the fact that China has a whole martial arts movie industry. Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Donnie Yen… Whether you think their strength is practical or not, martial arts still takes a form of strength.
Plus you know how Asia is about “men needing to be manly.” Even with the flower boy trend in both China and Korea, there’s still an emphasis on some traditional gender roles, and quite a number of Chinese men do work out.
There’s just so many different forms of strength.
My younger brother works out and he can physically pick me up (he actually did it today to force me to get out of bed lol), but he’s often lamented being skinny, so the muscle doesn’t show—or take form—as easily. In fact, both my brothers are their own forms of gym bros so I know a bit about physical strength, and there’s obviously the fact there are many different kinds of strength.
A man who works out regularly and has visible muscles can likely pick up a woman, but that doesn’t mean he’ll necessarily be great in a fight or at a certain sport (eg my brother is good at working out, can lift heavy things to be fixed or carried, is technically alright at basketball, but cannot really do long-distance running).
My older brother then looks bigger than my younger brother but he can’t easily beat him in an arm wrestling match. My dad isn’t that muscular but he can also hold his own in an arm wrestling match against my brothers.
It’s almost as if different bodies and different types of strength exist! The exact same way that beauty is in the eye of the beholder!!
Back to the flower boys thing—with there being a trend in China where people prefer more “delicate” men (remember when Simu Liu got cast as Shang-Chi and a number of articles came out about some Chinese netizens not finding him all that attractive?), then of course Chinese actors may not be as bulked out as some western ones. But that’s also whatever—it’s a cultural difference.
As I already described, there are Chinese actors with muscles, or who work out, or who are strong in other/not immediately obvious ways, or who can carry actresses…
But whether they can or can’t, including whether they’re muscular or thin, I don’t think it matters. In fact, if anything, I’m glad that despite the government’s efforts to “ban” flower men, the blur between masculine and feminine—at least when we follow the western standards—still exists in China.
And I emphasize that even more since China and Korea can buy into beliefs about gender that imo are too traditional. So I am glad that even if Chinese men are “smaller” than Korean men—or at least the actors are (in that person’s eyes), they’re defying gender expectations somewhat. Especially what with Korea fervently continuously getting the spotlight for misogyny in the workplace or by fans/incels (eg recently with Arknights’ more independent Korean division despite Arknights coming across as rather feminist, the whole ordeal with Furina’s designer, the whole 🤏 controversy, actual sexual scandal cases…).
And well oops that went into another tangent.
Technically it’s not that serious, but it is also a slippery slope. And anyway, the tweet in general was just baffling enough it made me want to respond lol.
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alxclaremont · 4 months ago
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being an f1 fan is crazy because what do you mean i let 10 drivers influence my moods and then proceed to spend the rest of my sunday after the race feeling incredibly empty
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cllightning81 · 7 months ago
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Family Friend [PG10]
Summary : You and Pierre had been dating for a while but the last thing you expected was to see a picture of you kissing on social media. Except that's not how your brother's found out it was him.
Pairing : Pierre Gasly x Leclerc!Reader
Warnings: Google Translate French
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When you woke up that morning, the last thing you expected to see was a billion text messages from only three people. Charles, Arthur, and Lorenzo. Reading through the texts, they were all variations of
You looked down with Pierre’s arm tightly wrapped around your waist. You opened the Twitter well now X app to see millions of pictures of yourself kissing a guy -Pierre- explaining all the texts from your brothers. Your face dropped as you shook Pierre awake 
‘When were you going to tell us?’
‘Who is that?’
‘What the hell Y/N’ 
“Amour? Qu’est-ce qui ne va pas?” (Love? What’s wrong?) He asked, voice deep and full of sleep
“We’ve been caught. There’s pictures of us kissing. My brother’s have already seen it” You panicked as he pulled you closer now more awake. 
“Chérie. Take a deep breath.” (Darling) You copied his breathing. Your head placed against his chest, his heartbeat against your ear resting right above his heart, relaxing you more. 
“I guess. I miss your blonde hair” You changed the subject as you always did when you panicked. 
“Now let’s see this picture?” He muttered, taking your phone and looking at it
“Okay. So it’s just a picture of you kissing someone. It’s also a very old picture Chérie” He rubbed your arm gently with his hand
“You’re changing the subject. This could be anyone in this picture, so let’s continue with our plans of a day on the boat. There’s gonna be other people there, so let’s get ready for that” You nodded, kissing his jaw. 
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An hour later, you were following Pierre onto Charles’ boat after not answering any of your brother’s texts. Lando thankfully followed behind you so it didn’t look too suspicious. Not that he knew that you were using him to hide your panic. 
“Look who finally showed up” Charles rolled his eyes, and you dropped your head 
“It’s an old picture. I promise. I was like nineteen in those pictures. Like four years ago” you sighed, sitting down next to Pierre. It's more like you had been hiding your relationship for four years. It was perfect. You got to quarantine together and just pretend it was because Pierre’s house offer had fallen through. Well, it had, but he definitely could have got another. 
“Qu'est ce qui ne vas pas chez toi?” (What is wrong with you?) Arthur asked Charles, pushing him aside and wrapping his arms around you from behind. Being just a year younger than Arthur, you had always been close. He was more interested in who it was to annoy you about it than Charles, who wanted to kill whoever it was. Lorenzo just wanted to be nosey and know all the details. A little longer, you were talking about stories of your childhood with the Leclerc brothers. Pierre had left to go to the bathroom and then get the next round of drinks. 
“Y/N started a fight once, and it got a little too violent” Arthur laughed, and you shook your head 
“I did not start the fight. I joined in on the fight and got violently attacked” you replied, rolling his eyes 
“Violently attacked?” Lando asked, and you nodded
“Enzo pushed Cha. Who fell into me, and I went through the glass table. Maman was not happy. I broke her glass table but was even less amused when she realised I was bleeding” You looked at Arthur, who was sitting on the other side of you. 
“It’s a nice scar now. One for the history books” Arthur laughed 
“What scar?” Pierre asked, handing you a glass of wine as he took his seat back next to you, his hand instinctively going to your thigh, which was hidden by the table you were sitting at. 
“The one from going through the table when the boys were fighting”  
“The one on your right ribs?” He asked, and you nodded. He paused only now, just realising what had left his mouth. Shit. 
“Que viens-tu de dire?” (What did you just say?) Charles asked, standing up and rounding the side of the table
“I didn’t” He shrugged, and you rolled your eyes 
“It’s not exactly hidden, is it?” You asked with a shrug
“I’m sure Lando even knew it was there” you added, and Lando shook his head 
“Of course you didn’t” This really wasn’t how you wanted your relationship to come out. Your leg bouncing under the table. Arthur took your hand, giving it a squeeze, knowing exactly how this was about to go. Arthur had definitely pieced it together today, and he didn’t care. 
“C'est bon. Il s'en remettra” He whispered in your ear as Charles continued to go off on Pierre for getting with his little sister. You stood up, pushing Charles back 
“Shut up! Charles. You’re not my keeper. No wonder I spent the last twenty-three years hiding all of my relationships. Including this one. Pierre looks after me, Charles. More than you ever had during your travelling. It’s all I’m the best with you. Arthur’s never been good enough, I’ve never been good enough. So stop it, will you?” You shook your head walking inside the boat, Pierre, following behind you. His arms wrapped around your waist as your hands rested against the counter. Your head fell back onto his chest as you tried to hold back your tears. His head resting on your shoulder. 
“Amour. Je t'aime et je t'aimerais toujours” (Love. I love you and always will) He kissed your neck softly as his thumbs gently rubbed against your hips. 
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shurisneakers · 9 months ago
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unsolved (i)
Summary: Bucky doesn't even believe in the paranormal. So who the hell thought it was a good idea to stick him in a series about everything haunted for the internet's amusement? With his loose-canon of a teammate who has no concept of subtlety or any shits left to give, to make things even worse. (Buzzfeed unsolved AU)
Warnings: swearing, frustrated bucky at his little shit supreme, Very Loud reader, images and memes that all have alt texts.
A/N: yes this is literally harmless in a different font. do not ask me if anything doesn't make sense. i cannot explain. i resurface every 3 years to present you with ideas born from menty b's. ANYWAY shout out to my beloved ryan and shane. pls enjoy <3
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Bucky doesn’t appeal to the youths.
Apparently. 
On God, he cannot fathom why.
He had definitely left the house in the last six months, maybe. Smiled in at least two pictures that existed on the internet. He even knew what Discord was. Sort of.  
By all accounts, he should be treated as the modern day icon that he was.  
“The youths?” he repeats, the word so foreign on his tongue it felt odd to even say it.
“Your numbers are the lowest of the whole team.” The latest tech-dude, with a tablet twelve models ahead of the one Bucky had in his room, tells him monotonously. “Wilson, Romanoff and Barton score the highest. Everyone else lies around the middle. You are dead-last.”
Bucky has the audacity to look offended. 
“Anything to say?” Their PR head, Maya, asks him, amused. 
He stares, formulating the wittiest one liner he could in three seconds.
“I don’ care,” he mumbles. 
Maya sighs. “Look, the team took the decision together. As far as I’m aware, you are still a member. You need some PR if you guys want to stay in the public’s good books.”
“No one’s gonna listen to me.” Bucky wasn’t exactly the poster child for American values. He couldn’t even vote until three years ago, and that came only after the full wrath of a Steve Rogers descended on the email inbox of the DMV. 
“That’s why it’s important to get them to like you,” Maya emphasizes. “Or the idea of you at least. A very sanitized, corporate friendly version.”
His eyebrow twitches unintentionally.  
“And also you signed the contract.”
Well. Shit. 
Truth be told– and he has openly and rather loudly stated this on numerous occasions even especially when no one asked– he doesn’t understand why they need a PR team. The world has calmed down significantly over the last few years. Bucky hadn’t really been out crime-fighting as much as he was people-watching. There hasn’t been an earth-shatteringly dystopian-level event in the longest time, and there seemed to be a group of spandex-clad teenagers who seemed to do a good job at taking care of them when they did threaten to occur. Go kids.
Even if they needed PR, he could arguably understand the appeal of Sam and Nat and why the people would want to see more of them. Bucky, on the other hand, looked like he crawled onto Earth most days of the week. 
“What do I have to do?” he asks ultimately, knowing there was no way to get out of this. “Interviews?”
The intern shares a look with Maya. Bucky shares a look with the ceiling. 
“The team agreed to do a series of videos, each focusing on a different niche,” she begins, “Crash courses on science, pointing out mistakes in spy movies. Once a week.”
Bucky nods along. He can pinpoint Bruce and Nat for those.
Maya stares at him.
Bucky stares back.
“So,” she says slowly, like he’s a moron, “you would–”
“No.” 
The intern sighs heavily like they discussed that this was going to happen. Bucky was getting predictable. This annoys him even further, for some reason.
“Only once a week, and it doesn’t have to be anything crazy–”
“I’m not doing videos,” he interjects. “I’ll tweet a few times. I’ll even go outside. But ’m not doin’ videos.”
A big step was to get the Avengers off Twitter after the regular shit-storm that occurs every time they’d quote-tweet another politician calling them shitheads. Getting them back on seems counterproductive. 
“Fine,” Maya relents, looking at the intern. “We'll work something out.”
Bucky leans back in his chair, and meditating on ways he can weasel his way out of those too.
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So they stick him in a couple of interviews.
Bucky, as the recluse extraordinaire that he was, does unsurprisingly terrible at them.
Variety does a piece on him that was supposed to take up 2 pages. They send back half a page worth of usable material and Bucky gets a lecture on how monosyllables don't count as answers.
He grunts in return. Maya’s itch to smack his shoulder with the rolled up draft increases.
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They set him up for pap walks. Just him getting fast food for the team, or sitting in the park.
They don’t take into account that Bucky was trained professionally for years on how to hide, sneak in and out of places without a soul knowing he was ever there. 
The paparazzi spend three hours waiting for him outside the pizza place, while he’s been home for two hours with two demolished pepperonis and an order of mozzarella sticks. 
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They give him access to his Twitter. 
He tweets some dumb shit and gets shadow banned by that evening. 
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Maya is sick and tired, and the interns have shifted three times since the whole ordeal started. Bucky honestly feels a little bad. Maybe he should try to be like Scott, who not only wrote a book, finger-gunned at photographers, did an interview a week, but also agreed to a podcast and a video series about literally anything they suggested. 
“Play nice,” Sam tells Bucky one evening. 
It’s an off-hand comment, not even really looking at him while he says it. 
Bucky doesn’t need to ask what he’s referring to, but he thinks that maybe he has gone too far.
He begrudgingly agrees. 
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Therefore, it begins. 
They stick him in the background of a few videos. Just to interact, add his commentary on what was going on, suggestions. 
Then the jokes really start.
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“I just don’t got anything to add,” Bucky tries, in a failure of an attempt to justify his lack of contribution. 
Maya only stares at him, but Bucky swears he can hear her curse quietly, even though her lips don’t move even a millimeter.  
He is not put in another video. 
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And so he finds himself here. 
In a meeting room that he’s convinced is barricaded from the outside so he can’t slither out the door again. Another intern with pink-tinted glasses that took up half their face.
Maya’s in the midst of explaining to him that sure, his numbers had gone up by a decimal, but that was because people had started editing him into the backgrounds of other pictures for other users to find in a perplexing take on Where’s Waldo.
“Videos seem to be working,” she ties it together. “But we need more than you just standing silently behind Captain Rogers.”
“But it’s working,” Bucky objects. “I don’t see why it has to change.”
Maya sends him a glare. Bucky decides then it’s good to shut up. 
“Are you on the internet a significant amount?” the intern asks. The glasses on their face have changed colours to green. Bucky’s eyebrow furrows. 
“No.” 
For the next thirty minutes, he is subjected to a pop quiz about too many words ending with ‘core’, ‘coded’ and ‘eras’. He’s surprised that he knows what cottagecore is. He definitely doesn’t fucking know what a tomatogirl, nor does he want to. 
“What do you like doing?” the intern enunciates, pulling up a spreadsheet of niches that had built a dedicated community around themselves over the years. “Makeup? Cleaning? Parkour?”
Bucky wonders if they’d really create a montage of him just micro cleaning the kitchen every week. It doesn’t sound half bad. 
Beyond that, the only thing he can think of is woodworking, which Sam introduced him to. While he spends time creating little figures, he wouldn’t say it was– 
“You really are dead silent,” the intern breaks his train of thought, tone almost that of wonder. “Guess the whole ‘ghost story for seventy years’ is more true than I thought.”
Bucky throws him a weary look, and works on unclenching the fist that tightened involuntarily. 
“Was that necessary?” Maya’s voice comes coldly. “Take fifteen. Go find the other one we were supposed to meet.”
While sheepish and somewhat apologetic, the kid still looks relieved to be out of there. To be honest, Bucky isn’t really offended– he’s grown a thick skin over the years. But he also thought the guy was a little shit now. 
Maya turns back to him, but Bucky finds that the table contains wonders far more interesting than the conversation at hand.
“Back to what we were talking about.” She ruffles through something on her laptop. “Puppets? History?”
He wordlessly shakes his head. 
Been the former, seen too much of the latter.
Maya’s head tilts abruptly. “You like ghosts?”  
He wonders if the prior conversation had anything to do with this insightful question. 
Bucky shrugs. “Don’t exist.”
“Really,” Maya deadpans. “Aliens and multiversal baboons are fine, but no ghosts.”
“I’ve seen aliens and multiversal baboons. Never seen a ghost in my life,” Bucky argues right back.
“Other people have seen ghosts.”
“Good for other people.”
The door swings open right as Maya’s eyes narrow at him. Guess it wasn’t padlocked. 
“Whatever it is you think I did, Maya, I didn’t. I think,” you announce in a volume too much for a closed room, stopping when you see Bucky sitting cross-armed and looking delightfully disgruntled. “Oh hey, Barnes. Fancy seeing you here.”
Bucky had met you. The newest addition to the team that had made a grand entrance a couple of weeks ago. He thinks you stay on the floor below him, but he has nothing backing this hypothesis other than the disco funk music that had started appearing at odd hours of the night. 
“Please sit,” Maya cracks a smile at you that Bucky had yet to earn. “Sorry, I know our meeting is scheduled for later, but I figured we could kill two birds with one stone.”
You look between her and Bucky, who hasn’t moved an inch since you got here, much less even said hello.
“You must be really bad if Maya had to call me in,” you tell him outright. “I’m usually like, her last option.”
“Thanks,” Bucky replies dryly. 
“Look, here’s my final pitch.” Maya sighs, before turning to you. “You’re new, and we need something to introduce you slowly to the public.”
“Oh, am I finally getting hard launched?” You grin, and Bucky doesn’t know what that means. “Just imagine me kicking my feet, giggling or whatever.” 
“And he needs… an upgrade.” Maya’s thumb juts out towards Bucky who simply rolls his eyes.
“Right.” Your sight lands on him from across the table. “I’ve seen the memes.”
“What memes?” he grunts, because while the team had definitely seen them, it didn't occur to anyone they should show it to him. He loves them. Really. So much. Die for them. 
You only look too happy to pull out your phone and start typing.
“Do you know what skinwalkers are?” 
“No.”
“That’s what they say you look like, lurking in the back of all your friends’ videos,” you continue, swerving around your phone to show him.
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Bucky doesn’t look impressed. He can’t say he blames them either, which makes him inexplicably maddens him.  
“At least they’re calling you their boyfriend,” you add, entirely unhelpfully. “That’s gotta count.”
“Right.” Maya clears her throat. “The both of you–” 
“Are getting paired together, I suppose,” you hum. 
Bucky’s eyebrows pull together. 
He barely knows you. Just a little bit on how you ended up here, that you enjoyed hanging out with the team, figuring out your place in the compound, and were seemingly doing a great job at it. 
You were… loud. And open. 
Bucky feels the compulsive need to compensate for that by doubling down on how silent he could get, as if the two of you couldn’t co-exist in the same space in equilibrium. 
Maya pointedly raises a finger at you. “Do you believe in ghosts?”
“For the right price, I will believe in whatever you tell me to.”
Her face lights up brighter than Bucky's ever seen.
“Great.” Maya slams her laptop closed. “See you later.”
Bucky’s left staring as she exits, not even throwing the both of you another look.
“That was quick,” your voice cuts through the silence. “What was that all about?”
 “Don’ ask me,” he grumbles, with a sinking feeling that he knew exactly what was about to follow. 
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“Ghost hunting?” Bucky echoes a week later, as expected.
“Yes,” Maya tells him simply. “Two of you. A series based on paranormal activity.”
“I don’t even believe in them,” he reiterates. 
“That’s the point,” she emphasises. “Skeptic and believer. It makes for a good contrast.”
“Why us both?” He hopes it doesn’t come off as offensive. He just doesn’t see why he can’t do this with Sam. Even Clint, if a gun was really pressed to his head. 
“I’m new, no one gives a shit about me,” you say brightly and full of promise. “Yet.”
“Exactly. It’ll be low key. Not an overwhelming number of viewers, no expectations. It’s perfect for launching one Avenger and re-launching another.”
“Sounds rad.” You grin, leaning back as your feet rest on the chair in front of you.
Maya looks relieved for a moment that at least one of you was on board. “No promises on anything. We shoot one video, and if it does well, we stick with it.”
“What if I don’t want to?” Bucky argues. 
“Then you have until tomorrow morning to give us another feasible idea,” Maya dishes back.
Bucky retreats into his seat, arms crossed over his chest. 
Truth be told, he considered himself to be the most boring person in the team and though he had made his peace with that, he was sure thar bringing that up now would entail Maya shooting him in the foot.
“Fine,” he agrees and the sighs around the room are loud. 
He scoffs. So fucking dramatic and for what.
“Put her there, partner.” You stretch ungracefully over the large table, sticking out your hand.
Bucky eyes your hand. “Do you even believe in ghosts?” 
“I do now, yeah.” You nod seriously. “Love ‘em. Can’t get enough of them.”
“One video,” Maya reminds him as a balm. “And if it doesn’t work, you’re off the hook forever.”
Off the hook? Forever? For Bucky?
Yay. 
“One video,” he reiterates.
You roll your eyes before smiling when he leans forward to grab it. You yank it up and down clunkily. He blinks at you, letting go slowly. 
“Thank fuck,” Maya groans, head dropping onto the table. 
Your smile is wild. “Guess we’re doing this shit together.”
He doesn’t even have to look very deep in his soul. He already knows he’s going to suffer.
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here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing!
to keep up with updates for this fic and others, please follow @shurisneakersupdates and turn on post notifications!
also i'd absolutely love to make this a community led fic like how harmless was! if you have memes or any paranormal ideas or just any prompts in general, please please send them my way <3
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kenobers · 2 months ago
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Jason Todd Headcanons
just a few thoughts that help inform the way i write this doof. it's linked below as well, but check out jason's spotify wrapped if you have a minute! ;-)
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Samsung User
Jason says he likes his coffee dark, but secretly orders flavored lattes (see that one Hozier photo)
Puts cinnamon in his coffee grounds
He may have good taste in books, but he's got shit taste in movies
Loves a few basic safe picks - Fight Club, Pulp Fiction, things you might expect from someone like him
But his "Watch Again" list is all cheesy action movies and wacky comedies. Mark Wahlberg appears a little too often.
Doesn’t watch a lot of television, but sometimes likes to fall asleep to Family Guy or South Park
Has one ear piercing he got on a dare, done by either one of his brothers or one of the Outlaws
Good gift giver, but only wraps things in newspaper
Really terrible about remembering to take his medication
To the point that Dick and Tim got him one of those every day of the week pill boxes as a joke - but it's actually been incredibly helpful
Is a regular at his neighborhood corner store
To the point where the guys at the counter don’t even card him anymore
He's the type of man to sleep till noon, 1:30 on Sundays
If he's sharing a bed, he will snuggle up to you in his sleep
Snores
Unfortunately uses 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/body wash
Has an high tolerance for weed, which annoys the hell out of him because he enjoys a joint but does not fuck with edibles
Every time he tries an edible, he stares at himself in the mirror for three hours and Does Not like it
Drunk Yapper
Beer Drinker
Doesn't always know his own strength
Not in the accidentally-break-someone's-arm type of way, but definitely in the sometimes-closes-the-door-too-hard-and-goes-"whoopsie daises!" type of way
Thankfully, he's become a pretty great handy man
Despite being a certified Car Guy, he did die at 15 and as a consequence is lowkey still how to drive a none military grade car (in other words, he's a shit driver) (but it's okay, he sticks to the motorcycle and public transportation)
He's not a hugger, but he is a leaner
Thrifts all of his clothes
Prefers to get his books from local indie/second-hand/new & used bookstores
But still has a Barnes & Nobles membership card
His bookshelf is not organized what-so-ever; it's started to operate as more of a gun rack while his books get stacked underneath his bed (he tells himself that this will make him get through his To Be Read list faster)
His top played song of last year was “Kiss Me Through The Phone” by Soulja Boy
His music taste can be divided into three primary playlists; East Coast Rap, Metal, Ear Worms
Is the family expert on the Gotham underground music scene
He isn’t big on social media at all, but he has a Twitter with like 15 followers he uses to keep an eye on whoever
(and also to keep up with music and book updates)
He’s occasionally very funny on it. But just occasionally.
Just Online enough to know who Trisha Paytas is, not Online enough to know who ClubChalamet is
He got his GED once he joined the family again
and yes, they threw him a little party to celebrate
Has the BatChat on silent, but still checks it regularly
Terrible texter; you’ll either hear back from him immediately or in three weeks time
“srry didn’t see this”
(he did see this, he just got anxiety about it)
Has a lot of anxiety about smalls things like that
Especially when it comes to the Bat Family
He’s not always sure where he stands with everyone - if they like him, trust him, want him there
Paranoid that they’re nosy because they secretly think he’s going to go rogue again
Has to constantly remind himself that they’re just nosy the same way that he’s nosy - because this is literally a family of detectives
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lawsvalentine · 2 years ago
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Saying “You want to kiss me so bad right now” During an Argument • OP Men HC • (SFW)
Characters: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Ace
CW: Humor, Fluff
Cee’s Note: I forgot where I heard this from (twitter maybe??) but thought it would be funny to write hcs about it. Hope y’all enjoy 💛
Luffy
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You just confused the poor boy sgdjdj
As much as he’s confused he isn’t the type to be upset for too long so he will actually kiss you
“I thought you were mad at me now you want me to kiss you?”
“….maybe”
“Hehe ok”
End result: Luffy thinks you’re weird for switching moods but kisses you anyways
Zoro
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His brain just short circuited shdjdjjd he actually thinks you have lost your mind
Gets flustered as hell because you genuinely caught him off guard
“I…n-no….why w-would you…”
“Aw you’re blushing”
“SHUT UP”
End result: no kiss but you get a flustered Zoro so still a win
Sanji
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Completely forgets what you two were arguing about the moment you say this to him
Immediately all heart eyes and blabbering nonsense
“Y/N SWAAAAN!! I ALWAYS WANT TO KISS YOU, HOW CAN I RESIST YOU’RE SO CUTE”
“Soooo you’re not mad?”
“HOW COULD I EVER BE MAD AT YOU, MY DARLING!”
End result: You get more than just a kiss if you know what I mean and all is forgiven from Sanji
Law
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The gif above is deadass how he looks at you when you say that
Like why would you even attempt this on him shdjdjjd
“…..”
“…..soooo is that a yes or-“
“NO!”
End result: no kiss and he is even more annoyed with you, nice try tho
Ace
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This man ain’t going down without a fight
His stubborn ass finds a way to make this a competition
“You want to kiss me so bad right now, don’t you”
“Bet you want to kiss me more! You know you can’t resist me”
End result: No kiss and now you two are arguing over who wants to kiss who more sgdjdk
4K notes · View notes
lcriedlastnight · 2 months ago
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lost the breakup | charles leclerc
○tw: alcohol, swears, charles is a proper dick, silly reader, this is the most angsty thing over ever wrote. to celebrate charles win today!○
♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ : w/c: 4.3k of pure hell.
༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶
"this would be so much easier without you!" it felt like those words flitted around your brain in a loop ever since that night in charles' flat. you hadn't intended it to turn into a massive fight, all you said was you couldn't wait for summer break to finally spend some time with your boyfriend. but seemingly that was all it took for charles to go off on one, roaring at you as if you had actually done something wrong.
you had stood, staring at the man after he had stopped ranting about how being with you only brought him down and how life before you was much easier on him. you couldn't believe that was actually what he thought of your relationship. i mean it wasn't perfect, but who's was? all that you thought mattered was that you tried to make each other happy, and up until today you had thought that you were succeeding in that, clearly not.
"do you mean that?" there was an obvious wobble in your voice that you had tried to disguise but it didn't matter, charles didn't care anyways. you knew that now.
all it took for you to scramble to find somewhere new was that singular nod of his head. you knew he wasn't sure if he meant it but he nodded. he fucking nodded. you could've forgiven him if he took it all back then and there, he didn't even have to beg for your forgiveness you would've just given him it. but he didn't. you didn't mean as much to him as he did to you and he had made that oh so clear tonight. so you did what any sane person would do, you grabbed a pair of shoes and a jacket and left. a part of you thought that maybe he had said all that just to get a rise out of you and to create a fight between the two of you, for whatever reason? you didn't know but you had a nagging feeling that was why he did it. or maybe your brain was just trying to soften the blow of your boyfriend secretly despising you for god knows how long.
so yeah, that was how you ended up rotting in your bed. at this point you really shouldn't still care about him anymore but your heart refused to let him go. and it annoyed you so much. how was it fair that you sat here mourning your relationship and what it could've been while he was out there winning grand prix's and clubbing every other night, seen with a different girl every single time. while he was out picking up girls you were picking up your heart, that had gone straight in the journal as soon as you had thought it.
the fans had realised something was up by the second day of your breakup. you hadn't even collected all of your things from his yet and they were already trending you both on twitter. it honestly felt like the last thing you needed right now but you smiled through the pain and tried to make your instagram feel as normal as possible until charles put up a statement about it, so that you could too. then you could finally put this relationship to rest.
being with charles had given you a following of sorts of your own and you felt like you owed them something, seeing as they only liked you because you were dating- used to date charles. your best friend and current roommate (for the time being, seeing as you were living with charles full time before the breakup) jess had told you millions of times that they were just random strangers and you didn't owe them anything. it never eased the weight you felt though.
one night after the third night in a row of summer break (that very same summer break that you were longing to spend with charles) that charles was out and had been pictured taking some random girl home was the night where jess had tried to snap you out of it.
"i think it hurts more that literally none of them look like me? like if any of them resembled me at least i would know that he missed me, even a little bit. even if it was subconscious, you know?" you had ranted, staring holes into your phone that had showed you the dreaded pictures of the three girls who all looked alike in regards to each other but nothing like you. in fact they were the complete opposite of you in every single way.
jess had swiped your phone off of you and slid it into the back pocket of her jeans.
"look, you technically broke up with him but it doesn't matter. he clearly doesn't care so why the fuck should you?" ever so blunt, jess was.
"i don't mean to be mean, you know that. i mean this in the nicest way possible but you have to get over yourself. this isn't the end of the world as much as it feels like it. the world has continued to spin this past week and it will continue to do so no matter what so you need to get up and live your life. you're wasting your emotions on a man who literally doesn't care whether you live or die at this point."
although it was filled to the brim with all the shit you didn't want to hear, jess knew exactly what you needed and she gave you the wake up call you had been needing since that night. that night she helped you wash your bed sheets and tidy your room up, moving the furniture while blasting taylor swift's breakup songs. jess was still letting you grieve the relationship because she knew better than anyone, that you can't just hear one inspiring speech and finally stop caring about him. even though she knew that you would stop caring sooner rather than later with the way he was acting.
★・・・・・・★
"you better not wear that skirt with those heels!" jess' girlfriend, hailey had shouted over the thrumming bass of someone's getting ready playlist. you weren't too sure who's it was but you knew for certain it was not the usual music that was played in the flat.
'the inchident' (which you thought was a particularly cruel play on words) had happened almost a month ago and jess had invited your closest friends for a night out in monaco. as well as her girlfriend, she had also invited sophie, probably your second best friend.
"why?" sophie asked back, brows down as she moves the skirt in her hands, looking for an issue with it. "it looks good, no?". three shakes of heads are her answers.
"soph it looks so fugly." jess said, trying to pull on a pair of doc martens. you had burst out laughing at that and it had set everyone else off too. you knew pre-drinks were a great idea. the group had already taken three shots already and for a lightweight like you, this was the perfect state to go to the club like. drunk enough that the night seemed endless, plus you would save a fortune on drinks while you were there too, seeing as you were almost on your way to being absolutely smashed. exactly what you needed after this past month.
as you all clamber into the taxi to take you to the club, the group chatters with each other while jess is chatting away to the driver. she got so talkative when she had alcohol in her system. the ride to the club wasn't long so when you all arrive and after you had all given about a million thank you's to the driver you head into the club.
you and sophie find a table to sit at while jess and hailey head in the direction of the bar, hailey offering to buy the first round in celebration of you finally going out with them for the first time in months.
in the taxi ride over, sophie was telling you all about the boy she was speaking to and how he may or may not be a famous athlete. after a joke or two from you about watching what she's getting into she tells you that she had been on a few dates with him and they were days away, as she put it, from becoming official. with all of this in mind you still had no idea why, when you were both on the hunt for a free table, scouring around the very back of the club, she suddenly stops in her tracks, grabs your arm and turns to face you. the poor girl looked like she was about to pass out. surely she hadn't had that much to drink already, you had just gotten here, you had thought to yourself before she spoke up.
"that's him! he's here?!" sophie whisper shouts as she kind of just stands there, almost like shes lagging. you look at her, confusion plastered all over your face.
"who? who's here?" you ask her. it's easy to tell she is annoyed at your question but she's much too preoccupied to tell you off for it in her usual sophie manner. like her fight or flight kicks in at that very moment she suddenly pulls you towards the large booth filled with people, seemingly all men but maybe a few girls from what you could make out. it was actually really dark in this part of the club.
"my man." the blonde girl whispers to you like it was obvious, nothing was obvious to you when you were sober never mind this tipsy. you recognise a man at the end of the row but it doesn't sink in your muddled brain until you are standing directly in front of near enough half of the grid.
you stand like a deer in headlights as it clicks in your brain. the weight of a thousand busses suddenly weighing down on your chest. oh this was so not good. you hadn't looked to see if he was here but did you really need to? it seemed like he was going out at any chance he could find since the two of you last spoke. you avert your attention to sophie who was standing very closely to the man at the edge, who you now could see what carlos. you had no idea that was who she was talking about.
you hear someone in front of you call your name, one of the drivers, maybe lando? he had always been nice to you any time you and charles went out together and ran into him. you don't reply, not that you get the chance to because an arm is gripping yours from behind and at first you swear your heart falls right to the ground and is so very close to taking you with it but you look over and see it was only jess and hailey with your drinks. this was not how tonight was supposed to go.
jess says something you can't hear to sophie and the blonde nods back before you feel your best friend pulling you away from the table. you still feel frozen as she drags you to a free table you and sophie must have missed on your own hunt. you felt like you were having an out of body experience. there was no fucking way in hell that just happened. no way he was here. why couldn't he just let you have this one night to yourself without ruining it? he had already ruined your life, what else does he want?
hailey slides you your drink of choice and heads back up to the bar to order another, knowing you'll need it. jess could see the look in your eyes even if you couldn't feel it yet. what stage of grief was this you were in now? because all you wanted to do was to get the ground to swallow you whole. maybe depression. jess' soft voice pulls you out of your daze.
"hey, drink it. i'm not encouraging drinking to numb your feelings but tonight is not the night to deal with whatever the fuck that was." jess says, her voice as comforting as she could make it. you really appreciated it so you downed your drink and waited for hailey to come with your next.
"we'll process this tomorrow but tonight, we drink." hailey says as she returns. you swear you hear her curse sophie under her breath as you drink. you didn't blame sophie though, she didn't know he would be there and clearly didn't think before she acted. you think that maybe hailey and jess are mad at her now. great, another thing in your life falling apart. you were so getting shitfaced tonight.
the drinks blended into one another as you danced with your friends after sophie had joined you, after promising to carlos she would leave with him.
you were swaying to one of your favourite songs when carlos come over to distract sophie, you just smiled at the two 'couples' that surrounded you. even if there was a clear favourite, nothing against carlos but c'mon. it was jess and hailey. speaking of they had signalled to tell you they were off to join the long line for the toilets. they had asked of you wanted to come but you didn't need to pee so you said no. you should've went though, you probably would need to pee by the time you got to the front of the line but your drunk brain was not in the mood for rational thinking.
that's why when a man slides his arms around you don't protest it and instead lean into him. it had nothing to do with the familiar scent flooding your nose or the hums you heard every single night in your sleep, nope. nothing to do with that twat.
"This one is your favourite, no?" his accent fills your ears and you can literally feel the tension from the past month ease out of you. you lean further into charles as you sway a little to the beat. you were far too drunk to dance properly, the way you were when you first stepped foot onto the dance floor.
"mhm." you nod as your hands slide down to rest on his clasped ones, which were holding your stomach to keep you close, you hoped. charles moves his head to right behind your ear, just so you can hear him better. there was no way he didn't hear or even feel your breath hitch at the feeling of his breath on your ear. if you weren't this plastered then you would be so embarrassed at how easily you let charles do this again. you could even hear the rational part of your brain screaming at you, asking you what you were doing but you could barely even see at this point so of course you ignored it in favour of being the girl in his arms again.
"then why'd all your friends leave you, sweetheart?" charles asks, it feels teasing and maybe even a little mocking but there is no way you would be able to tell the difference in this state, so you just respond, dumbly. "they went to pee."
charles laughs in your ear and it sends goosebumps throughout your body and puts a sappy grin on your face. you hadn't heard his laugh in a while and it felt so good to hear it again. it felt like home to you and god had you been homesick.
you would've done anything the man asked you to when you were like this, well maybe sober too but when you were sober you would've definitely put up more of a fight about doing it. maybe charles was taking advantage of this as he practically moves you both to the next song that plays. it's a good job that jess and hailey come back when they do because you would've done anything for him. it felt like he actually wanted you again. you had missed him like this and here he was acting like he couldn't get enough of you. every part of you hoped to remember this in the morning as both girls pulled you away from his grasp (without any fight from charles, which told the girls everything they needed to know) and took you home, without as much as a goodbye to sophie. safe to say she was not going to be invited round again after tonight.
the next morning consisted of waking up at three pm with the sorest headache you think you've ever experienced and a blurry memory. turns out your hoping and praying last night had worked because the only thing you can remember is the way charles held you. the words he said weren't one hundred percent clear but god if this didn't set you back three weeks. jess was furious with sophie and hailey had literally cut her off in every single way possible. jess tells you over dinner that night that hailey had blocked sophie last night when you had gotten home and it did make you laugh but now you had to mourn the end of two relationships. you knew it was for the better but it still killed you, ripped you apart from the inside.
the thing that hurt you most was charles. you reflect on it in the shower after dinner. he knew how drunk you were and he still came over, clearly because he knew it was the only time you would let him back in without any fight. did that mean he missed you like you missed him? or was he just doing it because he could, showing you (a drunk you, mind you but still you nonetheless) that no matter what he still had his claws in you? your questions were answered as you scrolled through a gossip page and seen that charles left with another girl who looked nothing like you last night. you really had to stop looking through those pages, it did nothing but bring you down.
★・・・・・・★
nothing prepared you from the instagram dm from the quiet australian mclaren driver about another month after the club incident. he had never really spoken to oscar a lot before back when you were a regular in the paddock but it was still super nice to hear from him. it didn't mean you were prepared for him to ask you if you wanted paddock passes to be guests of mclaren at the next race. when you had asked what you had done exactly to deserve this gift, oscar had responded with 'i know your birthday is coming up and i also know how much you love f1'. you cried to jess before texting him back that you would take them. he was such a lovely boy.
you knew how bad ferrari were doing because you were an f1 fan way before you had even met charles so you of course kept up with the sport even after the breakup. even though it killed you to see his face on the screen. and you would never admit this to anyone, not even jess but seeing ferrari do so badly did make your heart ache for charles.
a few days before the race jess takes you shopping to find the outfit that makes charles beg for you back just so you can let him down harshly. her words of course, you would never even think that. as much as he's hurt you there wasn't a bone in your body that wanted to hurt him in return.
"i'm not drinking today, or tonight." you inform jess as you enter the paddock, the cameras immediately snapping in your face. you had not been in the eyes of the media for a good few months and now coming back to this made you feel dizzy but you powered through it because you had missed attending races so much. you found yourself beating up past you for not appreciating the privilege you had, getting to attend all those races.
"mhm, sure you aren't." jess doesn't even try and entertain you. you roll your eyes at her words.
"we both know what happened the last time alcohol and a certain ferrari driver mixed and i, for one, don't feel like going back down that road again." you try to make a joke out of it you're sure it would've worked if it was anyone but jess, she knows you far too well.
oscar greets you not long after and has the audacity to thank you for accepting his invite, he was literally the sweetest boy who's ever walked the earth and jess was sure to let him know of that fact. it left him with a big grin and rosy cheeks.
you and jess both cheer on the mclaren cars, which you have to admit, was one of the weirdest things about the full experience. you couldn't help but let your eyes wander to the red of the ferrari cars every now and then. you will your eyes to shift in the opposite direction every time. no way was anyone catching you lacking today, not on jess' watch that was for sure.
lando and oscar end up both on the podium so it was a great finish for the papaya team. oscar comes over with lando this time, after the podium and they both thank you and jess for coming again and this time you give them both swety, champagne covered hugs, unaware of the eyes peering into your soul.
said boy catches you on your way out, again when you're alone while jess makes a quick pitstop at the bathroom. you were hanging around across the hall, waiting for her to come out.
"hey, didn't know you still came to races." charles tries to make casual conversation with you. like the months you two were together didn't mean anything and like he hadn't just used you as a player in his game when you were hammered last month. this man has no dignity you swear. you had thought a few nights after the night out at the club that night.
"oscar asked me." you take a page out if jess' book and stick to the blunt responses. you knew you had moved on from the boy in front of you because as soon as he made his way over you weren't nervous or excited, you were annoyed. it made you feel happy and a little healed. charles seems surprised at your bluntness so he cuts to the chase.
"i miss you." he utters your name. "i miss you so much. i keep dreaming about us, and every morning, it feels like I've lost you all over again." you don't even look in his eyes to see if he's telling the truth. you used to be able to read him for filth, like he was your favourite book that you had read and re-read a million times, a book you had scribbled all your thoughts onto. now he just feels like a book you used to love when you were a child and as much as it helped shape you into the person you are now, you have new favourites now, that you read over and over and write inside, for someone else to read your thoughts and feelings.
you do though, see it hitting charles that you won't let him walk all over the top of you anymore. you see it register on his face and he makes a move to leave you be. maybe the you from a few weeks ago would've cried at the thought of this happening but whatever has happened to you in the past couple week has helped you grow mentally and helped you know your worth. charles walks away without so much as a goodbye, and you hope it kills him.
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midmourn · 1 year ago
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my boy
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title my boy
pairing lee donghyuck x gender neutral!reader
summary your boyfriend doesn’t love you like he says he does.
warnings angst, cheating
word count 905
author's note repost from my old blog <3
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my boy's being sus', he was shady enough, but now he's just a shadow.
duckie♡ : cant make it tonight, busy.
Your lips pressed together tightly, turning your lips a pale white before you let out a sigh and didn’t bother to send a text back. Instead, you tossed it to the side and kicked off your shoes. You shrugged off your jacket and threw it into the corner in annoyance, rolling your eyes at — you didn't even know who you were annoyed at; yourself or Donghyuck?
You wished you could say this was the first time he had ditched you for another person or something else, but it wasn’t. He had done this so many times before you had lost count which number this occasion was. Half the time, he would tell you a reason but recently, he hadn’t.
You’ve had fights about it, and the most recent one was a couple of days ago, and he had promised you he would make it up to you by going out on a date -- tonight. Which he missed, again. Your friends and mother kept telling you that you needed to actually talk it out, or break up with him. You promised them you’d talk it out and if that didn’t work out, you’d break up with him. You tried to talk to him at least twice since they told you, but he always shut you down.
Your phone lit up and your eyes glanced over to it, hoping it’d be a text from Donghyuck, explaining why he couldn’t make it, but it wasn’t. Instead, it was a notification from Twitter about the damn Oscars. Huffing, you turned away from your phone and turned your TV back on to watch Netflix again.
my boy my boy, my boy don't love me like he promised. my boy my boy my boy, he ain't a man, and sure as hell ain't honest.
You stormed into your apartment, hearing his feet hit the ground in a hasty way to make it to you in time before you slammed the door shut. “Y/N, wait!” You pressed your hand against the door harshly, but his foot got in between the doorway and door. You swallowed roughly, feeling the tears build up in your eyes as you watched him force the door open, forcing your hands off the door. He shut it behind him, his face falling at the sight of your teary eyes.
“Y/N,” he reached to grab your hand but you quickly slapped his hand away from you.
“Do not touch me,” you hissed, feeling anger build up inside you. “Seriously, Donghyuck?” You let out a bitter laugh, shaking your head as you willed tears not to fall. You couldn’t make yourself seem weak in front of him, even though that was exactly where you were. “How long has this been going on?”
“I-”
“I don’t want a bullshit answer,” you snapped. “I want the truth, and I think that I at least deserve that after every bullshit lie you’ve ever given me.”
“Not long,” Donghyuck murmured.
“How long?!”
His head hung low, “Almost three months.”
“Oh, my God,” you felt sick to your stomach and you clenched your hands into fists, shaking your head. “You- you, oh, my fucking God! You asshole!” Your hands pushed his chest, bumping him into the door. “Three months? And you didn’t ever decide that I didn’t deserve this? That I didn’t deserve to be lied to and cheated on for so long? Why didn’t you just break up with me?” Your voice started off as angry and loud and then as you finished up, your voice sounded weak and hurt.
my boy's an ugly crier but he's such a pretty liar, and by that I mean he said he'd "change.”
“I’m sorry,” he sniffed, lifting his head to reveal his tear streaked face and you wondered how long he had took acting lessons for. “I’ll change, Y/N, I promise. I love you.”
“Bullshit,” you whispered, feeling a tear drop down your cheek.
“What?” Donghyuck asked, his voice hushed.
“Bullshit!” Your voice grew louder, “It’s bullshit! All of it, every single compliment, every ‘I love you’! You never loved me, you just didn't want to be alone.”
“That’s not true,” Donghyuck argued, shaking his head.
“Yes it is, because you don’t hurt the people you love, and you don’t lie to them, either,” you said.
you want me to be yours, well, then you gotta be mine.
Donghyuck shook his head, changing the subject, “I want you. I want you to be mine.”
“I was,” your voice grew quiet. “And then you ruined that by not being mine.” You swallowed and walked past him, avoiding his attempt to grab your hand. You twisted the door knob and opened the door, turning to face him but you didn’t stare at him, instead staring at the wall behind him. “Goodbye, Donghyuck. If you’re lucky, you’ll never see me again.” And I will be, too, you wanted to add.
Donghyuck continued to stare at you and he finally seemed to get the hint, walking past you to step outside your apartment. You didn’t turn to face him, but he wanted to have the last word -- like always. “I love you,” he tried one last time.
“For once in your life, just stop lying,” you whispered before shutting the door, and him out of your life.
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masterlist. rules. asks.
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bri-the-nautilus · 4 months ago
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Come To the Dark Side, We Have Hot Guys: A Star Wars Story
Spoilers below for S1 of Ahsoka and the first six episodes of The Acolyte.
I'm writing this with The Acolyte most of the way through airing its first season, with episode 6 having released earlier today. Say what you will about the show, but it's really brought out a lot of the uglier sides of the Star Wars fandom. Everyone and their mother has seen videos or Reddit threads dunking on the Critical Drinker or SWT and their mouth-breathing misogynist audiences at this point, so I don't feel particularly compelled to retread that ground. Instead, I want to talk about the... other side of the fandom, the hypocrisy therein, and how we're all being played for absolute fools by the creative team at Disney Lucasfilm.
Yes, this post is about Qimir.
Now I want to say that I have no problem with villain simping/shipping. Far from it. Most of my posts on this account are me simping for Shin Hati (we'll talk more about her later) or various Soulsborne bosses. Hell, my mutuals and I have a running joke about me having a weakness for evil blonde women. While I personally am too gay for my own good and couldn't care less about men as a concept, I absolutely see the appeal of characters like Qimir and Kylo Ren. I absolutely get why people thirst over them and love making fandom content for them. I think Qimir/Osha has the potential to be a really fun ship, actually. The point I'm making here is not "simping for these characters is wrong and bad," and I want to make that crystal clear before we continue.
That said, let's talk about Qimir, and how the landscape of the show and its surrounding discourse has changed since his reveal. Again, I'm ignoring the chud sphere here, partly because their little corner of the Internet has remained remarkably stagnant since then. The podcast bros still think it's woke, fucking Shadiversity is still whining about fight choreography (which as someone who actually has done HEMA/stage combat, Shad annoys me to no end, but that's an entirely separate can of worms), and it all seems to be business as usual over there. No, the most marked changes have been on the Acolyte-positive end of the fandom space. Here's what the top posts in "hashtag TheAcolyte" on Twitter look like tonight:
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You get the idea.
Again, no hate to any of these people. This is tumblr ffs, we've all engaged in a little simping for a morally dubious hot person. I love seeing fans having fun engaging with something, and again I kinda dig the Osha/Qimir ship.
Anyways, if you were around for the Acolyte-positive discourse before the Qimir reveal, and especially the show's marketing and the reponse to that, you'll have noticed a marked difference.
Fans quickly began to see The Acolyte as " the gayest Star Wars ever." Showrunner Leslye Headland is an out lesbian, and her wife was cast as Master Vernestra Rwoh. Archetypical girlboss Carrie-Anne Moss was cast as Master Indara, immediately drawing comparisons to her role in the Matrix movies. Leads Osha and Mae Aniseya are played by the nonbinary Amandla Stenberg. The lesbian witches of Brendok were talked about in press releases before the show aired. Dafne Keen (Jecki Lon) stated in an interview that she portrayed the short-haired, serious Theelin as having a crush on Osha, something that fans were picking up on in their first interactions in the premiere before Keen even gave that interview. While Headland said in a post-premiere interview that she didn't set out specifically to make "a capital Q Queer show," it's an objective fact that no Star Wars movie/show has had as much potential in that area, and fans (especially the queer community) took notice. (For what it's worth, in the same interview Headland commented that she was proud of creating something that so many queer fans identified with.)
The show came out, and Master Indara was killed off in the first sequence, which I'm honestly fine with. It was a good scene and works on a lot of levels. Headland's aforementioned interview came and went. Episode three aired. The lesbian witches turned out to be even gayer than was previously thought possible, and people ate that shit up while the Critical Drinker's brain suffered a major cascade failure. Jecki became a runaway favorite in the premiere and episode four, as did lovable himbo Yord Fandar and the wise, paternalistic Master Sol. In Acolyte-positive circles, this was basically how it went. People thought Brendok was cool, the Yord Horde became the show's biggest social media sensation, Jecki and Sol cultivated devoted followings alongside Osha and Mae, there were a wealth of different ships involving various combinations of Jecki, Yord, and the twins... you get the idea.
Then episode 5 happened.
The writing was really on the wall when the Brendok coven was abruptly wiped out. Introducting such an interesting (and queer) Force-wielding culture only to exterminate them in the same episode was certainly a choice that somebody made. But episode 5 was a shock to the system for many fans, as the show's resident Sith revealed himself and killed Jecki and Yord in some of the most brutal recent onscreen deaths in Star Wars. To be clear, I think this was a great sequence. Two beloved main characters being suddenly and gruesomely killed off was a masterfully executed shock to the system, especially after viewers were lulled into a false sense of security by all the redshirt deaths in the previous scene.
This, understandably, completely changed the landscape of the Acolyte fandom. Virtually overnight, much of the simping and shipping involving Jecki and Yord dried up, and once the dust had settled as far as the "rip blorbo, gone too soon" posts went, what remained were the usual Sol/twins offerings and a wave of Qimir hype. Which is understandable. He's a badass emo Sith boy with a cool helmet who brutally murdered fan favorite characters in front of us and has palpable tension with the female lead. Who wouldn't love... wait a minute.
This feels familiar somehow.
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But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing's changed at all?
And just like that, "the gayest Star Wars" is all about the (straight) sexual tension between an edgy, murderous Sith boy and a light-side girl plagued by dark thoughts whose friends said boy just killed. This is all eerily similar to how the Sequel Trilogy focused on Rey and Kylo while abruptly dropping Finn and Poe's character arcs. Even the fandom discourse is the same. I mean Reylo was so ubiquitous back in the day that it became a derogatory catch-all for good girl/evil boy shipping. Multiple authors now have either gotten their initial start/fame writing Reylo fics, or straight up published legally distinct Reylo fiction after the fashion of Netflix's After. You had the occasional person piping up to say "hey they kind of just left Finn and Poe hanging after TFA, it would've been cool if they got together but at the very least don't relegate them to being side characters/comic relief in separate story threads," and that was it. The same thing is going on with The Acolyte now, only the sequel trilogy wasn't marketed on the strength of being a queer story by a queer creative team. The Acolyte is, which makes it all the more baffling that by the midway point of the first season, all the gays have been buried and the show seems to be heading straight for Reylo 2: High Republic Boogaloo. And the fans are eating it up.
As an interesting aside, I think it's an interesting exercise to contrast the Kylo/Qimir pattern with the broader fandom's treatment of Shin Hati (told you we'd circle back to that), and the ship between her and Sabine Wren. On paper, Shin is very similar to Kylo and Qimir. Villain? Check. Edgy-looking armor? Totes. Emotionally damaged/stunted in some way? Sure looks like it. Tension with the heroine? You betcha. If anything, the only major difference is that Shin isn't as evil as the others. Compare her actions in Ahsoka (clearing out part of a light cruiser with Baylan and making repeated attempts on Sabine's life) to Kylo (oversees multiple war crimes, kills his fan-favorite dad) or Qimir (orchestrates the murders of several Jedi before brutally executing two fan-favorite characters). She's definitely bad, but I struggle to see her as on par with Qimir, let alone fucking Kylo, in terms of evilness.
Which makes it all the more interesting to me that the Shin/Sabine ship has received so much more mainstream skepticism/criticism than the Osha/Qimir or Rey/Kylo ships. "They have no chemistry!" "She's an evil murderer!" "She's a blank slate!" "Sabine is taken!" I may be a touch biased, but from where I sit a large part of the fandom, even the ostensibly progressive side, seems to look down upon Shin/Sabine shippers while swooning for heterosexual variants with far more evil villains.
This isn't a monolith, and I can't stress that enough. I'm not trying to start shit here. Villain shipping is awesome. We support women's wrongs in this house. You do see the occasional person decrying Reylo or Osha/Qimir as toxic, which I think is fairly unnecessary. Like yeah, maybe it's a toxic dynamic, but these are fictional characters. For these specific characters, part of the crowd appeal is the toxic badboy side of things. I don't think we should really spend much energy attacking any fictional ship (between adults, mind you) as toxic, which is why it puzzles me that an as-yet-unconfirmed lesbian ship in a niche show receives such a large proportion of this sort of criticism compared to the canon relationship between two main characters of a blockbuster trilogy.
At the end of the day, this whole affair has been rather sobering for me on both Disney Lucasfilm and the Star Wars fandom. For all the support the Shin/Sabine ship has received from Ahsoka cast members Ivanna Sakhno (Shin), Natasha Liu Bordizzo (Sabine), Eman Esfandi (Ezra Bridger, the other character people like to ship with Sabine), and Rosario Dawson (Ahsoka), I'm rather sour on the prospects of it becoming canon. The sequel trilogy dropped the ball on what many saw as a promising chance for an MLM romance between Finn and Poe in favor of trotting out the "why do good girls like bad boys" dynamic, and The Acolyte, "the gay show" overseen by a lesbian, has seemingly shifted to center a similar dynamic after killing off most of its prospects for a queer relationship among the main cast. Simply put, I think that Disney as an international company based in the frighteningly divided United States is reluctant to commit to anything beyond lipservice in terms of LGBT representation in their movies/shows, which again doesn't leave me feeling optimistic about WolfWren's canon potential. And the fandom takes the bait. People love the damaged evil badboy/good girl dynamic, and when the queer fandom suggests the possibility of a queer ship taking center stage in a show with no other extant relationships, even the more progressive side of the fandom tends to either ignore it or actively push back on its basis in reality until Disney Lucasfilm inevitably puts the kibosh on it. The amount of times I've heard people dismiss WolfWren for the same reasons they now like Osha/Qimir and liked Reylo (before that ship was fleshed out/canonicalized, anyway) is ridiculous, but at the end of the day you kinda feel stupid for expecting anything else. Again, I think Qimir is a cool character and I'm as much of a sucker for villain romances as the next girlie, but seeing how easily the fandom lets dangling heterosexual carrots lead it away from Disney Lucasfilm's broken promises of queer rep is a sobering ordeal.
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glaciertea · 4 months ago
Text
Masterlist here
Tales the Songs Weave
Ch.24<< >>Ch.26
Notes: He wants to make this right for the both of you.
CW: Smut, passionate make-up sex, PinV, cunnilingus, unprotected sex
Art was done by @//cucduaohara on Twitter
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Chapter 25: I Just Can't Say I Don't Love You, 'Cause I Love You
Word count: 10.4K
He was doing this. After all this time, after all the bullshit he threw at you, he was going to do this.
He made sure to shower heavily. To wash away all the grime and filth that was caked on. Even though he knew he couldn't technically get rid of all of his doings, he could start fresh somewhere. Harmonic vocals from Selena weaved their way into the bathroom to help him even more. This was one of the first gifts you ever gave—the day you gave him that chance to blossom and unbound those chains of trepidation, anger, and so much more. 
Putting on jeans, a plain shirt, and a light jacket, he inspected himself in the mirror and brushed his hair back before backing away from it.
He checked the time and date and realized it was your off day. It was late in the evening, but not too late, so there was still a chance you were up and moving around.
Opening up the door, he made sure the coast was clear and made his way towards the back entrance, when a voice stopped him in his tracks. Quite annoyed, he flicked his head back when his eyes widened at the acquainted figure in front.
“Still sneaking around like a teen, huh?” Jess's arms were folded as she sized up her now-ex-boss.
Miguel was ready to make a snappy remark when he held his tongue. There was tautness; oxygen wasn't reaching Miguel, as he didn't know what to exactly say besides his crude comment. Well, that was a lie; he had plenty to tell her; he just didn't know where to precisely start.
So he made do with the best thing he considered to be the right step.
“I'm sorry, Jess... I'm really sorry.”
“Oh, I know. Shocked to hear it come out so easily from you.” Her snide voice wasn't even holding back, and her icy stare wanted to wipe away, but she felt no point.
Neither one spoke a single phrase, not a single word. No sounds, besides breathing and the occasional spider-people shouting or swinging by. Miguel, filled with distraught, fights for the next string of ways to verbally express himself and what he's done when Jess decides to open her mouth.
“You know, Miguel, I do see good in you. I really do, but sometimes I see something more that isn't good.” She uncrossed her arms and placed them on her hips. “I won't go too much into it, as it seems you have somewhere to be. Common courtesy.”
He bowed his head for her to continue.
“You need help. You need to be the one to get it, because, my lord, you put us through hell and back.”
“I know, and I know sorry isn't much, but I want it to be a step on the right path.”
“Hm, you're certainly right about that.” She clicked her tongue, but held back and heard him out.
“And I'm not asking for this huge redemption—”
“Don't worry, there isn't going to be a giant pity part-”
“Jess…” 
There was a strain in his throat, so she pursed her lips and stuck her mocking thoughts to the side.
“I just… I want to try and reverse all the damage I caused to you all. I want to reconnect and change for a future that I seemingly am allowed to have.” He stared down at his talons, jutting in and out, before closing his claws into tight fists. “I need to fix all of this.”
Jess did feel the authentication behind what he was saying and rubbed her temples. “You can't reverse all damages. It's like trying to replicate a destroyed house that's been lived in for years. You can't make it look like a one-on-one scale of the original, but you can strive to try and rebuild as much as possible. Salvage it and give more to it than what was there before.”
Miguel creased his eyebrows together, trying to understand, when Jess shook her head.
“Don't try to think too hard about it. I'm willing to rebuild, but I know there's going to be things that are different.” A smirk appeared. “I don't fully accept your apology; I'm more of an ‘action speaks louder than words’ type of woman, and I'm sure you can attest to that.”
A smirk was on his face as well. “You're going to be a great leader.” 
“Oh, I know. You didn't have to remind me.” Both of their smiles grew. “Thanks.”
“Of course… And by the way, congratulations on your new son. How did the pregnancy go? How are you doing?”
She could feel her face lift even more. “It went well, thank you. Nothing that a spider can't handle.”
“Physically, yeah, but mentally?” He pointed to his head before awkwardly lowering it back down.
Her eyes squinted, but her smile never faltered. “Where are you headed?” Even though she had a sneaky suspicion about who he may be trying to see.
“I'm going to go and fix—uh, make amends—yeah. I'm going to try and make amends with someone who really needs it. I'm not saying that you all don't deserve it. I mean, you know—”
“No, I get it. She definitely needs it.” Jess held her hand up and grinned. “I wish you two nothing but the best. Good luck. You're going to need all of it.”
“Thank you, Jessica.” Miguel gave a mock salute, and she gladly returned it.
She felt much better, a warm sense as she watched her former boss go down that hall into a new light that he's finally able to see.
“About time.” She snickered and headed back when she heard her name being called.
Miguel placed his sunglasses on and stared up at the skies. Still bright, but it's wanting to turn in for the day. Strolling down the surprisingly simmered-down streets of Nueva, he began to ponder what to precisely say to you when he got to your place.
Does he go for a methodical structure, or does he completely wing it? Things such as this should come from the heart, and that's all he wants to give, but he also doesn't want to hurt you anymore and screw you both over.
His mind wouldn't stop. He needed this to be perfect—as perfect as it could possibly get.
The heart versus the mind. Or would they both come into play? He weighed the options when he came to a halt.
There was no time for a pit stop, but he was transfixed by the scene. The grounds that brought all of this into light. 
He strayed over to the park, nearly wandering in before reeling himself back and tapping his forehead. “Ahí no es donde vas. Don't get distracted.”
Meandering down the sidewalk, he rehearsed everything that he was going to start with. An apology—an authentic one. He shook his head. Would that seem too forced? It wouldn't come off as indecent; he thought that it shouldn't. Would gifts be appropriate, or would you have considered that too much of a gimmick and insincere?
His brain began to diverge into many branches. Was he looking too hard into this? How can Peter and others do this with ease? Is there something that he's doing wrong? His feet unknowingly picked up the pace as he descended into this rabbit hole of doubts.
He knows he has to do it; he needs to do it. Then why is he so scared to go forth? 
He froze.
He turned to his left and saw deflated or popped balloons laying on the ground, the strings tied to a stair metal handrail. 
Miguel craned his neck up when the recognizable was staring right back down at him. It's been too long since he's been, but he oddly felt right at home. Staggering in and up to the elevator, he pressed the button and watched as the yellow flash trickled to each number.
5… 4… 3…
There was a tug on his lips as he recalled the time he took you on that date to the lounge. The heightened anticipation when you both stumbled in, attacking each other in a sensual manner.
Or when you did your best to keep him steady the first night you both met.
Blinking himself out of a daze when the elevator doors began to close, he hastily stuck his arm out and strolled in, pushing the button to your floor and leaning his back against the wall.
His heart was pumping, his nerves were skyrocketing, and he was ready to see you again. Ready to face the challenges ahead, ready to go through it all with you. The sounds indicating that the elevator stopped were the point of no turning back, and he will happily continue to move forward.
He made his way to your place. Flowers would've been appropriate, but there was no time to hesitate when that wooden barrier was in front of him. Swallowing a giant air bubble, he brought his fist up to it and carefully knocked on it. Standing to his full height, he moved his hands behind his back and tapped his foot for a bit.
A minute passed, and there was still no answer. You were probably using the bathroom, so he once again rapped against the door and patiently waited for a response.
Another minute went by, and there was not a single sound.
Nearly breaking out into a cold sweat, Miguel settled his ear on the door and attentively listened out for any noises of danger, your footsteps, anything. You could have peeked into the peephole and saw what it was, and now you're pretending that you aren't home. He would accept that if that were the case. But from what his hearing was picking up, or wasn't, it didn't seem like that was a plausible choice.
Moving away, his mind began to race. You usually don't step out on your days off, but you're an adult who can do whatever you want, and you value a sense of routine.
You could've gone for groceries or a walk around the neighborhood. Checking the clock on his watch, your workplace was still open. Ronnie perhaps could have called you into work. He remembers you saying that it's very rare for her to do something like that, but today might be different.
Not bothering to use the lift, Miguel darted towards the stairwell, jumping over a few steps. Dashing right out of the entrance, gaining a few bewildered stares from passersby, he hurtled in the direction of the antique store.
You had to be there; that's what he kept convincing himself. You weren't in any sort of trouble; you were needed at work because Ronnie requested extra hands. That's one of the most reasonable and logical explanations. That's the one he repeated in an attempt to cool his nerves.
In the distance, the shop was approaching closer in view. He knew he had to deal with your employer, but he would gladly accept the beating. 
Bursting through the door, Miguel frantically began his search for you. Ronnie was startled by the suddenness but kept a strong act to not give it away.
“Ronnie, where is she?” He was peering in the back for any sign.
“You have a lot of fucking nerves showing your face here.” She refused to even glance his way as she scrolled through her tablet. 
“I'm sure you're aware, but I give a two-count warning for someone to leave my establishment.” She stacked some books and placed the device underneath the counter. “That was one.”
“Ronnie, please listen. I-I know, I fucked up—I fucked up immensely. Please just tell me where she is so I can fix this. So I can make everything right.”
“I told you to take care of my girl. Now, she's a strong woman who can manage, but damn it, I have never seen her like this. She shouldn't exist? Are you fucking kidding me, my guy?” Her left hand was still hidden under. “Maybe it should be the other way around.”
Miguel winced at the words that he threw at you to be slapped right back. “I know, but if you please listen–”
“Should I even bother to mention how you fucked her, proceeded to act like she didn't exist, then broke up with her knowing she had work the next morning?” She yanked her bat out and aimed it right at Miguel. “Cute guys like you always have to have this bad rep, huh?”
Miguel put his hands up but kept his stance. He doesn't blame her for wanting to knock his lights out. “I know. I got my days mixed up when I made that idiotic choice. I shouldn't have done any of that to begin with; I should have been honest with my feelings. That's something I realize I need to work on.”
“You have a lot more than just feelings to deal with, man.” Ronnie's showdown wasn't letting up as she jabbed the aluminum weapon at his chest. “Now get out of my store; you know I'm not afraid to use this.” Her tone held every arctic bite to it.
Miguel closed his eyes and began to lower his body. Ronnie was taken aback as her eyebrows raised at this random display that he was doing. Not moving the bat from her position, Miguel was on his knees, hands by his head.
“What the heck, Miguel? Look, if you don't leave my store—”
“Please… I beg you to please hear me out. Tell me where she is.” His voice cracked as Ronnie's dead gaze wasn't helping. “Por favor…”
She tapped on the surface with her free hand and sucked in her teeth. Replacing the bat with the tablet, a holoscreen popped up into the air with a timer.
“You got one minute. Starting now.”
Miguel looked at the numbers going down, only to receive a grunt from your boss. “You're only getting this time. I'm not restarting.”
He simply nodded. “I love her, Ronnie. I'm in love with her. I was a coward who hurt the main person I should have never hurt to begin with. I am in love with her. I'm so terrified to face things that I kept myself trapped, but as time progressed with her, I unknowingly didn't realize she was helping me escape those perils bit by bit–”
“Fifteen seconds.”
“And I want to do right for her—I want to fix this. I need to fix this. Please, Ronnie, please tell me where she is so I can be the one to make this better.”
Beeping went off.
“Time's up.” Ronnie turned off the clock and pushed her device to the side, her expression unreadable.
Miguel's entire body drooped. From head to toe, he sulked back onto his feet and turned to make his way to the exit. Maybe he didn't deserve you. Maybe Ronnie saw something so disgusting that even he couldn't see it.
“The last thing she texted me was that she was going to the park.”
He nearly tripped; he was halfway to the door before whipping back over to Ronnie. “Wh-what?”
“She texted me nearly forty-five minutes ago that she was going to park when I checked in on her. I don't know if she's still there, but that's the last location I know.”
“Is that—that's where she is?” He was hovering close to the counter.
“I didn't stutter. She's at the park; she could possibly still be there, so you better start gunning your way over.” Ronnie smoothly spun her bat back into its rightful spot.
Miguel's initial dread lifted off as hope immediately replaced it. “I- Ronnie, gracias. Te debo mucho… I–can you tell her to stay where she is and that I'm headed that way?”
“Nope.”
He jumped a bit at that. “No? ¿Qué diablos? ¿Qué quieres decir con no?!” His face was scrunched, his hands forming back into fists, puncturing his skin to keep himself from striking the table.
“You heard me, pretty boy. Go out there and find her. This is between you two; you're both adults, so talk it out like adults.” She calmly moved things around when she sighed out due to Miguel's towering, persistent presence.
“Look, I know you love her. It's no secret, but I'm not going to come in the middle and alert her that you're coming, because it should be up to her to decide whether she wants to let you in or not.” She watched as he cooled himself down and steered a few inches away. “How she reacts upon seeing a surprise visit from you will give you what you need.”
“That seems unnecessarily spontaneous.”
“That's how you see it. But sometimes you gotta go for it.”
It is true. At the end of the day, it's your choice if things will carry on. And he's compliant with respecting your decisions, even if the outcome won't be in his favor.
“I guess I have no choice. Thanks, Ronnie. If things go well, I hope to see you more as well.” He was ready to head out when one more thing pulled him back. “Why did you tell me?”
“You were begging on your knees, and as much as I enjoy seeing a hunky beast of a man like you down there, it was for the wrong person.”
A hint of a smirk almost crossed Miguel's lips. “Never change, Ronnie.” And with a wave of her hand, Miguel was once again out in the summer's heat and breezy nature.
Shaking her head, she moved to the back and laughed. “Man, love makes you do some weird ass stuff. Dude is intense as hell.”
If he swung his way to the park, he could hopefully catch you before you left. He knew he should've gone to the park from the start. But it doesn't matter; he knows where you are, and that's the most important thing.
Suiting up in an alley, he clawed and leapt from different buildings when the lush greenery was in plain sight; it was empty, so there was no hassle when he materialized out and sped in. He knew the first place to check, still keeping an eye out in case you were strolling about.
When he came up to the center of the walkway, he looked at the bench in front, then whirled to the other. There was not a single trace of you in sight.
“No me hagas esto. Where did she go now?” If he had to scour and tear apart the entire city, there was not one hesitant bone in his body. 
Thankfully, your place wasn't that far, so he raced back to try there one more time. Using long strides, he was almost at your place when he noticed two balloons floating perfectly in the window of a small store. A crescent moon and a star.
He thought back to the idea of giving a gift, especially during an urgent time such as this, but there was something hounding him to get it. Growling out, he rushed in, snatched the two balloons, and slammed his card on the conveyor belt, spooking the young worker.
“Uh, those are for display–”
“Just... take the card.”
With the balloons in hand and as fast as his legs could carry him, he found himself in front of the complex. Side-eyeing the stairwell, he trudged over and tied the moon and star on the tidy and clean rail.
He knew you were home.
Taking the stairs instead of the elevator, he practiced everything that he was going to say to you. He had to get this right; he couldn't lose you, and he didn't want to. Yet when he stood there again, knowing you were behind that locked threshold, it all went seemingly out of the window. Off the tallest structure in the entire multiverse.
With Ronnie's words still strumming high, his jittery hand knocked on the door, his breath held in with the unease of the unknown.
You lifted a brow and glanced at your phone to see if you had any missed messages. You weren't expecting anyone, and Ronnie didn't mention anything about visiting you, so you had no idea who it was. 
The landlord? Maintenance? But nothing needed fixing? A neighbor requesting sugar? You inspected the peephole, and your heart nearly exploded out.
He was the last person you intended to have at your door, but there he was.
You weren't ready to face him—far from it. You could act like you're not home, but with his hearing, he might be able to hear your blood rushing through your veins.
You weren't ready. You simply weren't.
“Miguel? What… I- what are you doing here?” It's funny how your body always seems to betray your mind. 
“May I come in?” 
Words, phrases, sentences—all of it was stuck in your throat, stubbornly refusing to lodge their way out. You pushed the door in some way, so only your head and part of your torso could be seen.
“I-I—” You didn't know what to do. You wanted to make the right choice, and you have two clear-cut options.
Either you tell him to screw off and then ruthlessly shut the door on him.
Or you fight for you both and figure out what else lies more between, because deep down, you knew that there was more to this. There was more that needed to be broken down.
Your eyes stared at the floor before opening up all the way.
Miguel's muscles clenched and tightened. Feeling the strain coursing through him and what was in the air was killing him. He removed his sunglasses, placing them in his pockets, and his shoes, jutting them out on the bottom rack, so if things were to go south even more, he would be gone again, and maybe for good.
It's funny how the curtain call still held remnants of the show behind it.
“Sorry for the mess; I didn't know I would have somebody over.” You picked up some empty water bottles, dirty dishes, and clothes, sticking them where they belong.
“No, it's okay. I shouldn't have sprung up on you like this.”
“But you did, so... here we are.” Placing a few bowls in the sink, you hobbled over to the couch and sat your bottom on the less plump cushion. Miguel decided to stand right in the center, bottled up, not clearly knowing what he should do.
“Peter says hello, by the way. That Mayday wants to hang out with you again.” 
“I'm glad she enjoyed my company and wanted to see me again.”
“She wasn't the only one.” The air felt heavier. 
You both gazed around your place, scared to look at one another. Not much has changed; maybe a few added knickknacks, but the overall coziness was the same. He missed this. Continuing to scan over, his eyes jumped open a slight bit at a familiar blooming vase of flowers settled on the dining room table.
“You—you still have them?” He nodded over to the healthy tulips and daisies. Some of the petals may have fallen off, but they were still trying their best to push on.
“Hm? Oh yeah. I still want to see them flourish. I didn't see a point in having them wither alongside me; they should have the right to grow and have a radiant life for themselves.”
There was that gentleness. It seemed to have never fizzled in you.
God, he missed you.
His maroon eyes are on your body, taking in every part of you. You are beautiful—a fine painting, the moon in the endless sky, the prettiest flower in the garden. You are so gentle, bringing pure serendipity into his life.
He needed to break from this to get to you.
One strand goes down.
Before he even got to say anything, your words finally found where they needed to go.
“You hurt me, Miguel.”
There was a sting to that. A desolate tone that melded in with the sharpness.
“You really… hurt me.” You scooted to the edge of the couch, arms crossed, leering at him.
With a deep breath, he clutched on to that strength. “I know, and I'm sorry. I–” he still didn't know what to say. “I ruin everything that falls victim to me. I need—have—had to make sure things didn't go off the rails, but that's all I'm good at. I'm only good at hurting people.”
“There! Right there! You say you hurt people, but do you know why? Why do you think you hurt the ones around you?” There was no easing into this, but after being ignored for so long, the patience you held had worn thin. Once again, like last time, you let your mouth run free.
Miguel gulped, but pressed on. “Because I'm... because I–I don't want others to make mistakes, so I have to fix them, but when I try to fix them, they get worse. That's how this cycle goes. Because that's what I'm good at: ruining others.”
“You take things at face value, and all the aspects around you that you self-inflict cause the trouble to bubble over more.” You stood up and took a couple steps toward him. “You take that one thing that goes wrong, and you seem to run from it!”
“I'm selfish, mi… mi Luna. I'm truly selfish.” Miguel paces unevenly in your living room.
The air was unsettling. It was an awkward discussion that sat heavy on you both, but you had to persevere.
“Fine, let's deal that hand then.” You folded your hands as if you were playing a card game. “I'm seeing something different.”
Miguel went to lean in, a bit curious, but you swiftly placed your arms to the sides.
“Self-destruction.” You firmly stood as tall as you could go. “Self-destruction is what it is. When you hurt yourself, you hurt the ones around you, whether it be intentional or not.” You comb your hands through your hair to help keep yourself tranquil. “Does that make you selfish? No! Maybe not in your case. Yes, they may come off that way because you try to take a hold on every little thing.”
Miguel's heavy brows lowered. He is selfish, as he kept so much from you, hid the canonical events, and blamed you because he believed this world was going to end. He selfishly left you out of the loop, all because he believed it would've kept you safe.
“Tell me.”
He snapped back from the endless zone he had sucked himself into. “What?”
“Tell me what you're thinking. Be honest with me, Miguel. Speak your mind.”
Those eyes pleaded with an intense determination. You want to be there for him, you want to understand, and you want him to let you see what lies behind those cracks.
“No, I am selfish. I kept so much from you so you wouldn't get hurt. I didn't want you to be in any sort of crossfire where so much pain would be thrown at you.”
You threw your hands up in aggravation. “But it happened anyway. It. Happened. Anyways. You bring yourself down so much that it affects others. It's like you're a burning building.”
“I don't think I—”
“If a fire isn't controlled or contained, it starts to spread, destroying everything in its path. Does it know that it's doing it? No. It only knows to keep going until it reaches a barrier that will eventually stop it. But that's the thing: it leaves so much harm and havoc that it doesn't realize the full effect it has until it's too late. And that's what happened, Miguel.
“Your need to handle everything damages you, and you end up bottling up so much that people will start to wonder what truly started the fire. I've been down roads like that, and they aren't fun.” You didn't realize your shoulders were heavily moving up and down, but you went on. “You don't know how many people are truly damaged until your destruction is done.
“You're able to tick so easily. The moment something goes wrong, you go into a spiral of an internal war rampage, afraid for things to fall apart again. It's scary when you can't have that control over things; it does make one feel hopeless, so one will do anything to have that charge and that power for themselves.
“And that's what you did. Usually people go for their hair and cut it, not telling a person they shouldn't exist, that they're the cause of things going wrong, and that the entire world is ending.” You bit your inner cheek before sadly chuckling. “You know what? People probably have done both.”
You collapsed back on the sofa, stunned by how much you had kept locked away after all that time. Your heart was going a million miles per hour, and your brain, your being, felt exhausted.
He took in every word. Many did see him as this unstoppable force, this terrifying being that never ceased. Hell, even when he went after Miles, he couldn't stop before it was too late. There were heaps of mayhem left in his paths, but he was only doing it because he instilled that it was the right thing to do.
“I'm so sorry. I–I'm so scared of these things slipping out of my hands. Afraid of things not going accordingly due to what I've seen.”
“And you don't want to go through those again, and I completely understand. You simply can't go around and mow others down or force them into these cages you built.”
Miguel flinched when he thought back to how he strictly wanted to force Miles into a cage that he had created.
“Mi Luna.”
“I really tried, Miguel. I really did.” Your eyes met for a split second before you both turned away. “I know you saw them. You saw me reaching out for you. I only wanted one; a single ‘I'm okay,’ would have been enough.”
You tried to be strong, but the emotions won. Streaks of tears dripped down, and you quickly wiped them away. “You face these things alone; you manifest these high walls and towers, and you proceed to hide behind them, and you just—” you shuddered, trying to keep yourself level-headed to the highest degree. “You ignore the ones around you. You place an abundance of pressure and expectations on yourself that, when it comes down, you go distant.
“You distanced yourself before you broke up with me. You distanced yourself when you saw me at the park that you decided to go to. When we were supposed to naturally let the conversations die down, you acted like I didn't exist or tried to rush for it. When I saw you jump from your corporate tower, chasing after somebody, you proceeded to ignore me when all I wanted to do was make sure that the person I love was safe and sound.”
You sucked in a sudden gust of air and held your breath. You brought yourself back down, meditating  your mind, but it was the hardest thing as your teardrops fell on the floor. When did you stand back up?
His knees were ready to give out. Your soft chanting of “in and out” was the only sound surrounding you two. His gaze landed on yours; he eyed your weeping stature, and it was killing him. You were trying so hard to be strong. You held on with so much strength and compassion for him that he was too petrified.
He was so scared that he was incapable of this. He was so scared that it was all going to go away, but it didn't.
It never fucking left. It was here the whole time. This love, this gentleness—you were here. He was here. 
He was in love.
He is in love.
“Oh… oh, mi Luna. Ay, qué he hecho? Oh Dios, ¿qué he hecho? ¿Qué no he hecho?”
His legs gave out as he buckled on the floor. “Mi Luna... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I–”
Was being tough the right thing to do? Holding it all in so you wouldn't have to be worried or in pain, that he wouldn't have to face these demons again?
Then he tipped his head up to you.
“I envy them.”
You didn't speak; you felt like it wasn't the right moment.
“Like you, I envy them so much.” His unsheathed finger was shakingly pointed at the vase. “They aren't afraid. They are never afraid to show when they need help. They never run; they may try to shrivel, but they know that there is someone there who is wanting to give them the love they deserve.”
He began to walk on his knees. “They know there is someone who is there to watch them and see them at their full potential because of that love.”
You stood frozen in place as he got closer. “All they want to do is watch them grow and fight through it all.” He was right in front of you, his hands on the floor, his face looking dead at you. “Mi Luna. All I did was wilt. All I did was let my petals and color fade away because I believed that I didn't deserve that love again. That I wasn't allowed or capable to do it once more.”
His eyes felt watery. “But damn it, mi Luna, I… I was wrong. I was wrong about how I saw this. How I saw us.” His drops of rain joined yours. “I was wrong…”
He wrapped his arms around your waist and buried his face into the curve of your stomach as he cried out.
“I was wrong. Damn it, mi Luna. I was wrong about everything.” His sobs grew and grew. “About the canon, the multiverse—everything!”
“Miguel,” your hands hesitantly went for the top of his head as you started to slowly brush his hair back. Soft whimpers escaped alongside him.
“You are the one I want. From the moment we got close, I was so scared to lose you. To lose the one I love once more.” He coughed, but went on. ”I let my instincts get the better of me, a-and I caused you so much grief.”
“Miguel…” 
“The canon didn't... It doesn't predetermine our lives. It never did. I was so sure I—”
Your shirt grew damper as Miguel's cries rang deeply. His talons clasped at you, but you didn't care about the pricking pain.
“It's okay; let it out. Don't hold it in.” You heaved greatly, stroking his hair some more. “It's okay to say what you have to say.”
Several strings popped in unison.
“I love you, mi Luna.” He pulled you closer. “I love you! I was so frightened to say it because I thought if I did, the world would disappear into nothingness.”
His burning red eyes met yours. “It was never you. It was me. I couldn't risk it all again. I couldn't risk losing another.” The showers of droplets refused to end. “But I was too stupid to realize that my actions did everything and so much more.”
You were locked in place. You were left speechless, feeling the quivers as your body and mind felt his raw emotions. Your own legs wanted to stumble down as well, but you planted your feet on the floor and hugged him. You hugged him as his muffled cries managed to sprout even bigger, but that's what he needed and what you both needed.
To let it out.
To let all that you both have packed and tucked so far down that the lids were overspilling, but the tops kept trying to keep them contained.
“Oh, Miguel…” You pulled back and carefully stroked the crest of his cheekbone.
“Mi Luna, por favor. Please hear me when I tell you how sorry I am. I never meant for any of that to happen, but I let it anyway, and I am so sorry.” Miguel's eyes were bloodshot; his face was red and stained with snot and tears. “Please allow me to make this right. For you, for us.”
“Mi Estrella, you–”
“I want to be better; I need to be better for you; I need to do this. I have to be better so I can–”
You shushed him, and he closed his mouth without a second thought. His shoulders juddered as he sniffled a couple of times.
“Miguel, no. That's not… Don't be better for me because you feel as though you need to. Do it because you want to be better. You even told me before, and just now, that you want to be better.” Your thumb ran down to wipe up his tear stains. “You've burdened yourself to make so many other lives better. Other worlds and universes.”
“Mi Luna…”
“Now take the time to be a better you for yourself, Miguel O'Hara. Allow Miguel O'Hara to feel that warmth and love. Allow Miguel O'Hara to realize that there are those who want him to have the best life. Let Miguel O'Hara be happy or sad, to open up when he wants, to be guided if he feels lost.”
Miguel was in complete awe.
“Let Miguel O'Hara live.”
Sniffling and breathing. You both didn't move a single inch.
He only saw you as the world came to a standstill when he released you from his embrace. You let go, nervous, but observed him carefully.
Wiping his face with his sleeve, he wobbled onto his feet and barely stood at his full height. You didn't know what to expect or what he was going to say, but you waited anxiously.
“Mi Luna. Oh, mi Luna.” His fingers entwined in your hair as he felt the sting coming from his eyes down to the bridge of his nose. “Eres tan gentil. Eres tan compasivo. Te amo. Te amo, mi Luna.”
His lips found yours, your bodies crumpling together. You throw your arms over his shoulders, feeling the weight of your body leave the wooden ground.
Your fingers curled around his curly locks, a longing kiss that you both yearned for so long. Miguel sheathed his talons, gliding up and down your back, taking every bit of you that he severely missed. 
You don't know how long you two stayed this way before you moved away, with harsh breathing on both ends. This man was so viscerally integrated into your head and spirit that you nearly pinched yourself awake, and your alarm will go off, yanking you to the cycle of ‘healing’ and slogging days.
But he was still here in the flesh. His thick brows, his prominent cheekbones. The handsome Renaissance marble sculpture on the runway was all here. A breathless chuckle left, gaining a smile from Miguel.
“What are you thinking?”
“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” You brushed a strand of hair from his forehead.
“You've said something akin to it.” He situated you both on the couch, arranging you two so you were sitting across from each other.
Laying your head on the head of the cushion, your eyes danced around the ceiling above, with Miguel joining in. A recreational memory. You were hand in hand, as the path you were walking has taken a turn—not an abrupt stop, a turn of wanting to understand where it will go now.
“Miguel?”
“Si, mi Luna?”
“We will have to start anew.”
He turns downward toward you, but you keep looking up. “Start anew?”
You nod, tearing your vision on to him. “Yes. Picking back up where we left off will feel... weird in a sense.” Your eyes were on your interlocked fingers. “We… we have a lot to work on.”
Miguel squeezed your hand and nodded. “I know, my moon.”
“There is so much we have to work on. I have a lot to work on. You... you have a lot to work on.”
“I do, mi Luna. And I will. Not only for you, not just for us. But I will do it for me as well. I will do anything to make these amends.”
“Therapy... therapy would be a good place to try. I'll be by your side, of course; I just think they can do more than I ever could.” 
“But you've done so much for me.” Miguel had his full attention on you as your thumb tenderly caressed over his knuckles.
“I might have, but there's only so much I can do. And I think it'll be good for you to get things you've been holding off. Lift those constraints that harm you.”
He bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes. He did feel slightly skeptical, not wanting to let that caution out into the wind. But for that future, he will allow the breeze to bring it where it needs or wants to be. 
“I… I will see what I can do and how to go about getting the help I need.”
“Does the spider society not offer good therapists?”
His hand was constricted a bit too tightly, and his knee was trembling. There was clear panic on his face that he was fighting back, but your hand hovered over him, and you waited. He attentively stared at your fingers and slowed his speed.
You were still so calming.
“Go ahead and speak. Don't hold it in, mi Estrella. Let it out.”
Miguel gulped, loosening his grip, but held that firm grasp. He told you what happened and how the society was now possibly going to be under leadership because he was scared and wounded. Mentally wounded. How a villain was the one that set the domino effect off of the canon being wrong, well, how his interpretation was incorrect.
“Was the villain the one you were chasing?”
“No, no. That was somebody who I thought was going to ruin another world, but like with you, I was wrong about that.” Miguel huffed out a sad laugh before his eyes glazed over. “I have so much to—”
“You will get there. These things don't magically get better overnight. Some wounds may even take years to properly heal, and even still, they could be sealed, but the scars still remain.”
He took in your words, marinating them. You resonate with tranquility and serenity. It worried him to no end.
But he was ready to break it.
“I constantly convince myself that I don't deserve you. That someone like me would break a beautiful soul like yours.”
“Miguel–”
He propped himself back on his knees, adjusting himself between your legs. "But, mi Luna, every time I'm around you, I realize that isn't the case. How you open your heart to me, no matter what. Even when I tried to be the bearer of the worst, you were still there, hands out, ready to pull me back in.”
He took your small hands into his enormous claws, kissing each one. “I'm still scared, and who knows how long it'll stay this way? However, for you and me, I'm ready to fight it; I'm ready to shove those doubts far away. I want to let you in, mi Luna. I want you to be here with me. I want to be here with you. I want to show you parts of me that I have hidden or I've never even known about.”
The tip of his thumb rolled over your trembling lip.
“I want to start this new chapter with you. I want to start living with you, beside you. Mi Luna, I know you told me to live for me, and I promise I will, but will you also let me show you this new step, this new beginning I want to share and cherish with you?”
Your eyes were blurry as you wiped them with your forearm. “You… big, loveable oaf. You already know the answer to that.”
“Only if you say it.” His lips grazed against yours.
“Yes. Yes, mi Estrella. I want you.”
More strings snapped off.
His mouth found yours once more. Tongues clashing but swirling in tandem, fervently.
Your hands massage his collarbone, shoulders, and upper back. You wanted to feel him, to memorize him all over, and to take your time. The journey may take time, but the destination will be there.
Miguel grabbed your calves and had you wrap your legs around the middle of his back, leaning you gently on the back of the couch, not breaking the kiss. 
When you pull away for air, he trails down, leaving light kisses on your cheeks, chin, and forehead, before making his way down to your neck. Your body relaxes, and his stubble and tongue tickle you.
“Miguel...” you exhale his name like a smooth puff of smoke when he nips at your skin.
“Mi Luna, I love these sounds.” His tongue-making figure eights on the crook of your neck, near the partially healed puncture marks. “I love your whimpers.” He began to suck on the tiny holes, his fangs occasionally drawing out. 
“Miguel,” you groaned, a shiver racing down your spine.
“I love when you say my name. It's warmer than a spring day; it brings me to my knees, mi Luna.” The suction picked up, making sure to leave a nice mark for others to see. “I love seeing your body filled with these. I love adding more to an already breathtaking artpiece.”
He recaptured you in another kiss, biting the bottom, the glossy appendage tracing the rim of your lips. “I love how sweet you are.” His hands roamed your form, causing you to quiver and moan. “I love how sweet you are from head to toe, inside and out.”
He was back, giving your neck attention, lapping at your heated skin, and nipping the flesh. His endless praise only began as he tugged at your shirt, tracing the seams. “I love how responsive you are to me. I love how you make me riled up from simply making those gorgeous melodies.”
He folds the bottom of the shirt, exposing your stomach. Feather touches from his mouth and fingertips had your heart fluttering and your mind in a daze as you could only say his name. Pinching your sides, you carefully eyed him, making phantom lines and zig-zags with the tip of his tongue all over your belly. Your hips bucked upwards, as your blurred vision was stuck in a hypnotic trance when you looked into those burning cerise eyes.
Miguel wanted to take care of you; he wanted you to feel his appreciation and dedication in any way, shape, or form. Pushing the fabric up, with his tongue trailing behind, he took it off and placed it on the ground. Eyeing your breasts, he began to press small pecks from the side, dipping into the slope and lathering it.
You sharply inhaled, your head canted, writhing back and forth. Your nails were in Miguel's scalp when he took a nipple in between his teeth, gnawing at the nub before closing his mouth around it and sucking it hungrily. One hand groped the unattended breast, while the other stroked your thigh and waist. His fingers were twisting and pinching delicately.
Gasping, you cry out when he teases your covered vagina. The thin bottoms and panties weren't doing much to shield from the treatment. Reeling from your glistening peak, he bit above the areola, leaving teeth indents.
“Mi Luna, I love you. You're heavenly. You are exquisite.” He palms down to the waistband of your pajamas as you knead the nape of his neck, bringing him back to you. Stripping his jacket away, you palm his sturdy muscles. You whine out, already missing his lips, when he rips his shirt right over his head.
“Mi Luna. Amo mi Luna radiante y hermosa.” He starts to pull down your pants, his pants tightening more than ever, but he doesn't care about that. “I want to make my moon feel wonderful.”
Lifting your behind to help, your eyes were half-lidded when he fully got rid of both the panties and pajama bottoms.
“I love the faces you make. Rather, they are lustful like this, or, when you're thinking, happy, or curious. I just love how lovely you look.”
Before you could get a word out, Miguel sunk down some, until his face was merely centimeters from your dampened sex. “I love how wet you get. I love this pussy so much, mi Luna. I love your thighs.” He grazed over the softness, leaving as many love-bites as he possibly could.
“Miguel!” You wept out, body aching, head foggy, and dizzy. But you were still hearing every word he was saying.
“I love the puffiness and the smell.” His breath tickled, and his nose rubbed against the folds. “I love how it looks; I love how sensitive it is.” He pressed a kiss on it, receiving a strong shudder. “I especially love the taste.”
He dove in; the warmth from you and his tongue had you whining. The way he slid around your labia, feeling every flick of your clit, the penetration of the muscle wiggling wildly, the thrums sending vibrations up your core, electrifying shocks in your veins.
“Miguel. Oh, Miguel!” You called out. Fingers raked through his thick locks, as his work was growing sloppier and messier.
Your juices splashed whenever his tongue was shoved in and out, his teeth rolling on your sensitive nub, having you see the stars and moon itself. The juicy slurps and his groans were music to your ears, turning you on even further. 
“Miguel. Shit… Miguel, I love you—ahh!” A silent scream was evoked when two of his fingers plunged into your opening, pumping in until they disappeared deep into your gripping heat.
“I love your cries and your tears. I love your bumbling whenever you get lost in this haze.” He slid to his knuckles, lingering for what felt like an eternity, then buried them back in, your walls sensing every breach.
“Miguel!” Your voice carried throughout your apartment, maybe even out the window. Your wails rose as his eyes stared at you in an intoxicating manner.
“I love when you are at a loss for words, mi Luna.” He bent towards you, teasing the shell of your ear with his fangs. “I love how you do the same for me.” He placed his lips on the side of your cheek before moving to gaze at your disheveled state.
He never wanted this end, and he will always hold you close to him. And this time, he will actually mean it.
The throbbing in his jeans was unbearable, to the point that they might have cut off all blood circulation, but he prospered in wanting to please you. “I love how well you take me.” He moaned out when you scratched down his biceps, sending tingles through him.
“I love when you mark me; I love that you're not afraid to do so.” He stimulated your clit with his thumb, never letting up that speed.
“I'm cumming. Going to cum-” You slurred, lulling to the side to expose your neck, which Miguel gladly kissed.
“Si, mi Luna. I love when you reach this high. Cum for me, on my fingers, mi Luna. You can do it, my moon. Puedes hacerlo.” He murmured in your ear, licking the lobe, when you snapped. 
Your walls contracted around his long fingers, causing violent tremors as you squealed out in pure ecstasy. Your head clouded in the stars, maybe further on. Your ragged heaves were celestial in the air. No song could ever compare.
He drew out and eyeballed the mess before cleaning it with his tongue. “I love how sweet and tangy you are.” He rose to his full height and discarded his pants; you followed when you reached the compressing briefs.
The splotches from his pre-cum soak the cloth thoroughly. “I love that you get me this way, mi Luna.” Moving them down his long legs, he stepped out of the briefs and stood in front of you. 
Every twitch and pulse sent you in a spiral. The gleams of the clear liquid weeping down to the base and the red veins running down were a wondrous sight. Your limbs wrap around his back; put your hands on his ass and wet your lips. You instinctively enveloped your mouth over the tip, tasting the clear saltiness, your tongue stroking the head as you began to bob back and forth.
“Ah—joder, mi Luna.” He pushes you back, making you sulk a tad bit. “I love that you are always wanting to care for me, but I want to care for you, mi Luna.”
You could only nod as he kissed your forehead and sat on the couch. Grabbing you swiftly, he perched you on his lap, skimming over your tender and soft sides. Savoring your tang on his tongue, you clenched onto his shoulders and rolled your hips together. 
You forgot exactly how big he was.
“It's been a minute, Miguel.”
“I know, mi Luna. Your pace, always your pace.” 
Capturing you back in his mouth, you lined your entrance against him as the swollen tip achingly rubbed it. Your whines echoed in his ears, your juices smearing the reddening head. The intoxicating fluids mixed as you started to sink down his length.
“Ahh! Mmm… Fu-fuck, Miguel.”
“It's okay; take your time; don't rush.”
His thumbs grazed your jawline and cheeks, talking you through it. He eyed every facial change, from pain to concentration to an almost euphoric pleasure.
Another noiseless shriek escapes, your back arching and your breasts pushing against his hefty chest. He peered down at the outline of his shaft, your walls clutching him firmly.
“Mierda, mi Luna, me perdí este hermosa coño, joder, joder.” A guttural growl racked in his throat, fighting himself from wanting to go at it. 
“I'm going to—fuck—I'm going to start moving.” 
“Ah–go ahead… Shit, go ahead.” His talons slipped and accidentally lodged a bit in your hips.
Your snug, slick walls fluttered when you rocked forward. Your knees prodded his waist to keep steady as you lifted yourself up and down in a slow, rhythmic motion. Your moans combined, drowning any city sounds that snuck their way in.
“Ay, mi Luna. I love how you perfectly fit around me.” He scooted up some and latched your legs around his waist, his arms clinging to your lower back. 
“Big, so big. Always been so good.” You grappled your arms loosely around his neck. “Your cock is so good.” 
“I love hearing your beautiful and graceful inner thoughts; rather, it's your ramblings or something silly. I love them all.”
With no warning, he began to pump faster, his pelvis slapping into your behind. Your garbled shouts were alluring blessings to Miguel. You dug your nails into his back as he kept you balanced.
“Miguel!” He strenuously bucked upwards, his hold on your own hips once more to keep you balanced.
“I love how gentle you are. I love how compassionate and understanding you are for the ones who are lucky to be in your life.”
“Miguel!”
“I love how resilient you can be, never wanting to give up. I love your wisdom. I love how you see life, mi Luna.”
He picked up his momentum when an unexpected peak spilled over from you. Your walls pulsating and your babbling didn't go unnoticed, but he kept going, and you did too.
This is what your love was, is, and will be.
An endless ocean that holds many vast mysteries to explore and seek out. The tides will rise from the highs to the lows, but it'll still be the same bountiful waves that will always flow.
A burning passion that no matter what it throws at you two, it'll only augment the rawness of your devotion for another.
You repeated his name in that trance you would get lost in. The couch was wet from your sweat and his. The murky fluids crawling down and staining it, saturating the color. Your lips meet in a fiery embrace, both clenching on tightly as Miguel rocked upwards, his balls creating that sharp snapping sound against your cheeks.
His vermillion, incandescent eyes only pay attention to you and nothing else.
“I love you. I love you. You have my heart. You have my soul, my body, and my mind; you have it all. I want you, I need you, and you make me strive to be better. You give me that strength, that hope, and that fight to keep going.”
You both cry out, tears mixing with sweat as Miguel continues to pump wildly. He's opening himself up to you; that's all he ever wants to do.
“I love you, Miguel.” Your arms tighten around his neck, afraid to let go, but he reassures you by holding you even tighter.
“I love you too, mi Luna. I will always love you.”
His lips slam into yours; this kiss more passionate than the others shared before. Tongues meld into one, just as your bodies do. The clashing of your damp skin resounded all over.
He runs his tongue along yours, his hands wandering over, thoroughly taking his time to worship you. Pinching, grasping, cupping, and tracing every curve and bend.
“I love you. I will never stop saying it. I love you. I love you.”
“Mi Estrella!” Your legs shook as another massive release found its way through.
Miguel breathlessly placed his lips against your forehead, the oxygen from both your lungs thick and high.
But he wasn't done. He picked you up and pressed your back against the wall near your bedroom door. Your legs were still tangled around his waist, with him buried deep into your core.
“Mi-Miguel.” You whispered against his lips before crashing back into them. He began to thrust at that fierce pace as you screamed into his mouth.
“You make me whole. I want you, and only you. I love you, mi Luna, my universe, my galaxy.” His forehead was on yours, groaning out from the squelching and tightness of your overstimulated cunt.
He was preventing himself from bursting, keeping that ravaging, beastly pace, but it was becoming rather difficult. Especially when another earth-shattering orgasm tumbled its way out of you. Miguel punched a hole several inches above you, your fingernails clawing up his back, drawing a bit of blood.
He ferociously pulled you in for a kiss, stumbling his way into your bedroom and onto your bed, right into a mating press.
“You didn't change the mattress.” He felt the shreds from the last mistake he caused you those months ago.
“I could never find the chance to. So I simply kept them hidden.”
Immense guilt struck him when your hand reached up to cup his jaw and part of his cheek. Your heart was heavy, but you gave a warm smile.
“That's why we're here now; we will work through this.” 
He didn't let the tears be hidden. He pecked your thumb and under your eye. “I love you, mi Luna. Nunca dejaré de decirlo.”
Nuzzling his head in between your jaw and neck, a hoarse groan releases as he pulls all the way out and slowly buries himself to the hilt. He repeats this pattern, the sopping slaps sending cascades of goosebumps whenever his balls come into contact with your folds.
His hands are on your sheets, claws tucked away, whispering sweet nothings on your ardent skin. Your bed frame creaks along with every rock of Miguel's hips as he turns his steady, erotic pace into feverish strokes, bucking into you with reckless abandon. 
Your raspy cries and his husky moans, the headboard bumping into the walls, the ivory moonlight glimmering in the room. 
Miguel missed this.
Miguel missed you. He missed the thoughts of those beautiful cherry-red-eyed children, the ones with your beaming smile. The ones who will have both of your strong-willed stubbornness. The ones will have your benevolence. The ones who will likely have his powers.
The ones who will be loved by you both no matter what happens.
His thrusts became inhuman. You yelled out, your arms hurled around his shoulders, your hands were on the base of his neck, and you clung to the ends of his hair. 
“I love you, I love you, I love you.”
“I love you, mi Luna. I love you. I love you.”
You panted in unison. Nearing that edge. Moaning out as you felt that raw ardency, his genuine love.
You are seeing his true feelings. His true thoughts. His true love.
Your teardrops stream alongside his. Because in this true moment, nothing will break this barrier. Nothing will ever wedge between you two. You felt that commitment that he can now fully allow to show and embrace.
You love Miguel, and Miguel loves you.
Your hearts beat in sync as you got closer and closer. Your bodies together as one. That's all you two could ever want.
“Mi Luna!”
“Mi Estrella!”
String after string of his love shoots deeply into you as you milk every drop. You sobbed out, shuddering madly. The kiss you shared was frantic, as droplets of his warming tears dripped onto you.
He quickly found his fangs in your neck, biting down harshly. He is happy. He is loved. He wants to continue to leave his mark on you, whether it be physically, spiritually, or mentally.
“Mi luna, te amo. Gracias, gracias por todo. Nunca más te dejaré, quería estar a tu lado entonces, ahora y hasta el final. I love you, mi Luna. Mi corazón. Mi vida.”
A curve of your smile graced your face as you caught some of it. “You're... you're welcome... I love you too, mi Estre-”
You went limp, and Miguel began to take care of you. He will always take care of you like you would do for him. He held you close because he refused to let you go again. He kissed the crown of your hair as you drifted off into his arms.
A place you'll be in now and forever.
Miguel awoke in the room. He peered around to see nearly, if not all, of the ropes cut from his body.
He was finally able to visibly distinguish the room. Illuminated with golden copper, it brightened the exit that has been facing him all this time.
Tugging that last string free, he ascended onto his feet, even striding as he pressed on, clasping onto the brass handle.
He was going to know. He knew he should.
He opened the wooden frame, stepping out unhurriedly.
There, his eyes met with a field that was blanketed. A plain that held what he longed for.
A field of lavender and marigolds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tag list: @prozacgooble @sanguwuxyoonbummy @oharaslove @ella-janehaven
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wonysugar · 1 year ago
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it’s so over for me…. ch. 15
hiding spot (half written)
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the loud thud of the door shutting against the frame made you flinch, you quickly turned off your phone and focused on not breathing too loudly. it was a life or death situation for you, basically.
on her end, it was, more than anything, really fucking annoying that she fucked you while she was drunk. and the thought that you probably still hated her despite all of that gave her goosebumps. she wanted to talk to you, she really did.
but how?
she was a stuck-up self egotistical bitch who only thought about drugs, booze, and coochie. how could a well-mannered and distinguished person such as you like her?? no chance, she thought.
she sighed heavily as she finished putting on her top, utterly unaware that you were in the same room as her. grabbing her phone from the counter next to the bathroom, getting ready to call up ning to pick her up–
hic.
she paused in her tracks, eyebrows furrowed as she turned her gaze to the couch, eyeing it and the weird strange noises coming out of it.
oh how fucking lovely, hiccups, now, is what you thought, in a state of immense panic from hearing her slow and loud footsteps approaching your hiding spot, you spoke up, you had to.
you said your first actual words to her, and they were ridiculous,
“aeri, i swear to god if you keep walking towards this couch, i will run out of this house butt naked.”
her eyes widened, she immediately recognized your voice and backed away. “y-y/n?? what the hell are you doing behind that couch? also why are you naked..”
“don’t ask questions and just- turn around, i need to get dressed.” you ordered her, and she obliged immediately, muttering a weak okay. you stood up and put on your outfit from yesterday, yknow, the one that reeked of liquor? yeah, you didn’t exactly have the luxury to get changed, so.
“okay. i’m done.” you sighed eventually, watching her slowly turn around, you were finally facing her properly after all of these days, weeks? it felt like she was after you for what seemed like years, at this point.
it was weird, seeing her in front of you in a setting where she wasn’t drunk, nor was she glaring at you. this time, she was just kinda looking at you. and you were looking at her back. it was a surprising, and kind of awkward, but very welcomed comfortable silence nonetheless.
until she spoke,
“why do you hate me, y/n?” she suddenly asked, her voice small. she seemed… incredibly distraught and hurt by the potential fact that you do hate her. you’ve never seen her this way?
you scoffed, looking away in slight embarrassment, “who said i hated you? okay well.. i kinda do but.. i was moreso scared of you at first.. kinda.”
when you looked back at her, all you saw was a baffled expression on her face, confusion visibly taking over her whole brain.
this was probably gonna take a while.
-
“so yeah, despite the fact that you made me paranoid for like a good week, glared at me everytime we passed by each other and indirectly threatened to murder me on twitter, i don’t hate you or anything.” she was listening to you throughout the whole thing, guiltily nodding along to your words, embarrassingly excited over the fact that you remembered everything she did, but that wasn’t the point.
you added, “like yeah, sure, i thought you were an annoying self-centered piece of shit at first, and, you kinda are! but it mostly just turns out that you simply don’t know how to talk to women.” she kept nodding, until that last part.
“i do talk to women, not too fucking much.”
“talking to women and giving women suicidal urges are not the same thing, aeri.” you smirked at her, enjoying the reactions you were getting out of her.
she dramatically groaned, mumbling a small still counts as she was fighting back a smile. a real smile. it wasn’t a wait-until-i-get-you-hoe kind of smile, it was moreso a oh-you’re-so-funny-i-need-you-so-bad kind of smile.
upon looking at her smiling this genuinely, you felt.. inexplicably warm? you wanted to deny it, just like you’ve been doing throughout this whole thing, but you couldn’t anymore.
she was insanely pretty.
you jumped from the unexpected sound of your ringtone accompanied by the just as sudden vibration that you felt in one of your front pockets, all of it interrupting your train of aeri-filled thoughts. you pulled out your phone, looked at the contact name and immediately tensed up.
you forgot that heejin was waiting for you.
“fuck- aeri, i gotta go. heejin wanted to meet up and i like- completely forgot about it, sorry..” you waved at her as you rushed to the door, not even looking back at her. “see yo—“
“y/n, wait.” she exclaimed, not super loud, but it was loud enough, so you heard, then you turned to look at her.
meeting her gaze again, she stumbled on her words when she saw your face, as if she was fully expecting you to just go when she called out to you.
“i… i-i wanna talk more. so. give me your fucking number. please.” she demanded, looking as nervous as ever, like she forgot that she whored herself out for you in the bathroom just last night.
and you, looked like a dork that was being asked out for the first time with how wide your smile was, because you apparently also forgot about last night.
-
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brian-in-finance · 2 months ago
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Thanks for the message, Anon. 😃
So… 18 links… 🤯. Tumblr wouldn’t let me post your message as “was,” so I followed the links, played a mean game of Copy & Paste and added some pics.
Reading through the reviews on Letterboxd to find the six you chose revealed a few things about the film no mainstream review I saw had revealed. Note to self: think carefully about the viewing company you keep.
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Caitríona Balfe from “Outlander” plays the boxer’s girlfriend Caitlin, who exists in a constant state of worry. Understandably. But it’s a dull part for a magnetic actress.
New York Post 8 September 2024
Caitlin (an excellent Caitríona Balfe of “Belfast” fame)… a movie that ultimately doesn’t quite add up to enough, especially when Balfe walks out for too long in the final act. See it for the cast, especially the three leads, but it’s more of a technical knockout than a stunning victory.
Roger Ebert 6 September 2024
Caitríona Balfe (“Belfast,” “Outlander”) can be an uncommonly grounded actress, and she and Bloom create a lived-in relationship that humanizes and creates real stakes for the pugilistic histrionics that surround it. His character’s lack of a name may position him as an everyman, but the little moments of their relationship – glances, raised eyebrows, tilted heads – give his couple a specificity and a shared history in a way exposition never could… film is bookended by quiet scenes between a man and a woman, by beautifully understated performances by Bloom and Balfe.
The Wrap 7 September 2024
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The boxer’s wife and business partner (Outlander’s Caitríona Balfe giving more than her role deserves)
The Guardian 6 September 2024
… wife, business partner, and one-time boxing manager, Caitlin (Caitríona Balfe, the film’s secret weapon).
The Playlist 6 September 2024
Despite a trio of knockout performances, The Cut is a lackluster boxing drama… (Caitríona) Balfe gives a thankless role her all as the lone woman in this boys' club. Caitlin has a dark past too, alluding to a struggle with addiction. But we never learn any of her past in detail despite numerous and repetitive flashbacks to Boxer's bleak childhood. Instead, it's left to Balfe to convey it all through Caitlin's stricken expressions and misplaced devotion to Boxer. She even gets a few moments to shine as a fighter herself, training Boxer for his fight before Boz takes over… Balfe is a sublime talent, but she deserves far better material that doesn't rely on her to make up for deficiencies in the writing… Because despite these three strong performances… The Cut has the potential to be something fresh and interesting with three particularly fine actors at its heart.
Entertainment Weekly 6 September 2024
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Caitríona Balfe and John Tuturo’s colliding performances gave the film a realistic edge, which makes the audience question their own morals.
Movie Scene Canada (Twitter) 6 September 2024
Caitríona Balfe is equally compelling as a supportive wife and coach to her boxer husband.
Movie Moves Me 6 September 2024
The Cut is it is one of few boxing films that gives the female lead a pivotal role that’s more than a love interest/nagging the fighter to quit. Caitríona Balfe is a tough-as-nails trainer who gets in the ring w/ Orlando & may throw a punch!
Flick Chick DC (Twitter) 5 September 2024
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(Caitríona) Balfe is fierce as Caitlin. She’s simultaneously supportive and a fighter. Her verbal spats with Boz are a treat, and she’s honestly the character who best balances strength and emotional maturity.
Screen Rant 7 September 2024
Caitríona Balfe was the main highlight, for me. It's difficult to pull off the role of voice of reason against the hell-bent protagonist without coming off as annoying or making it feel like they're just slowing the story down, but she killed it.
Reddit 6 September 2024
(Caitríona) Balfe (and John) Turturro.. are never less than engaging and believable in their side parts.
IndieWire 5 September 2024
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Bloom… gives a great, dedicated, and physically challenging performance — as does the wonderful Caitríona Balfe
Bloom promised us all a stiff drink for enduring this movie and I think that says a lot. (Caitríona) Balfe was great.
The cast is phenomenal. Turturro is marvelous as The Boss, pushing our fighters to their literal breaking point. (Caitríona) Balfe gives a heart wrenching performance of a former addict watching their partner fall into their own addiction.
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I think Caitlin's character gets a little bit lost, and she was such a great part of the movie, I wish they did a little bit more with her.
Orlando Bloom and John Turturro are very good but I really think the star is Caitríona Balfe!! She was very underutilized.
Performances are good, especially Orlando's and Caitríona Balfe's. To me she was the standout.
Letterboxd 5 & 6 September 2024
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Remember… what distinguishes modern art from the art of other ages is criticism. — Octavio Paz
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0097linersb · 1 year ago
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Meddle About Pt.2 (Last)
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Pairings: Haechan x Reader / Jeno x Reader (Briefly Mentioned)
Genre: Smut
Summary:  Mark doesn’t think you or Haechan would have a problem with killing each other, not even bat an eye at it in fact. 
Word count: 11.2k ish
A/N: I love y´all sorry this took so long. ALSO! FOLLOW ME ON MY NEW TWITTER @wooyodefender we can chat there
Part 1
“I don´t get it, you guys already fucked so why isn´t the bet ove-” 
“We didn´t fuck,” You and Haechan corrected a confused Jisung at the same time, except the two of you had very different tones when delivering the message.  
“Are you just letting anyone watch now because I´m intere-” 
“I´m begging you to not finish that sentence,” Jeno interrupted Jaemin, rubbing his face harshly out of stress. You gently touched Jeno´s hands so he would stop stretching his skin, looking out for any future wrinkles on that pretty face. 
The chaotic scene definitely didn´t match your current environment - which consisted of a breakfast place, one of those where the cooks look like they haven´t showered in weeks, piles of waffles, bacon and the shittiest coffee you have ever tasted filling the tables.  The restaurant was full of families with loud annoying kids running around - Maybe Donghyuck could go play with them. It was hell, but hey, that was hangover brunch. 
Maybe it was the universe´s way of punishing you for allowing whatever happened with Donghyuck to... well, happen.  
“I´m just glad the two of you are finally getting along,” Mark tried changing the subject, smiling at his best friends who for the first time looked like they weren´t going to punch each other at any given moment.  
“We are absolutely not,” But you were more than happy to burst his bubble. “In fact, I have never been more disgusted by Donghyuck before.” 
“That´s not what you sa-” 
You interrupted Haechan with a fake smile, using your best customer service voice to not upset Mark so early in the morning as you stabbed your pancakes, “You can shut the fuck up now, thank you.” 
“So, he slept over and no sex?” Chenle teasingly pushed his friend as he laughed in his face. “You really have no game - ” 
“Speaking of which: Mark, please control your bitch, she made me sleep on the couch without a pillow or a blanket.”  
“I should have kicked you out to sleep on the street, you fucking -” 
“Ok, enough! It´s only Monday and I´m still too hungover to deal with you two,” Mark rolled his eyes, rubbing circles into his temples.  
“So, when are you fucking?” Jisung asked, returning to the original topic where his single neuron was still parked at. 
You groaned and buried your face in Jeno´s shoulder, the man gently patting your head to calm you down, “Can we all please stop reminding me of that?” 
“Probably this Saturday or the next,” Haechan ignored you. 
“Do we have it freaking scheduled? Ew.” 
“Why? Did you want me sooner?” The man teased you, an annoying fake pout on his face. “Awn, someone´s eager.” 
Jeno had to physically hold you back from smacking Haechan down after his comment, “I would rather bungee jump without the -” 
“What a cliché, Y/N. You can do better than that-” 
“Let´s not speak on the subject until then,” Mark cut you off, his tone was strict and final. 
★ 
Somehow, as if it was even possible, Haechan managed to become even more insufferable after the recent events. Firstly, because now that he knew you were slightly attracted to him – and also knew you were not happy about it - the man had massive leverage on your fights. Secondly, as previously stated, the thought of finding Haechan even remotely alluring had you wanting to take a nap on the highway during rush hour every time you caught yourself even considering his appearance, causing your stress levels to be significantly higher ever since. Lastly, if there is one thing Haechan has always been, is cocky, and now... Oh, now he was just unstoppable, and you hated yourself for thinking it was kind of hot.  
Kind of. 
But as equally annoying. 
Now, you caught yourself staring at the man, lost in thought, more often than you´d like to admit, and he managed to catch you every-single-fucking-time, sending you an annoying wink like he was hot shit.  
Which maybe he was. 
You didn´t understand how he could accept being into you so easily when you wanted to throw up at the thought that maybe you were excited that he was going to fuck you some time soon. Before everything that went down, the two of you would just simply offend each other to your hearts 'desires, but now there was a sudden shift in your dynamic as he started hitting on you nonstop, which somehow managed to annoy you more than when he would call you the most degrading offensive things he could think of - which he could probably be arrested for if anyone from outside your group heard a minute of your conversations.  
“You do know you´re going to die alone and miserable, right?” You asked him Thursday night, after only an hour and a half around him, figuring that was your time-around-Haechan limit.  
“I don´t think I will,” He smiled at you, a condescending tone to his voice as he leaned back against his seat. 
“Oh, I can assure you. No one can put up with you for long enough.” 
“Everyone puts up with me just fine. Have you ever considered maybe you´re the problem?”  
“As if- ” 
“It´s ok baby, I´ll fix your attitude when I fu-” 
“Can you two shut the fuck up and just never talk again?” Mark looked stressed as he reminded you and Haechan that you were not alone at the restaurant table. “I swear to God I´m going to start leaving one of you out from each group hang out.” 
“It would be the best thing you have ever done,” You assured Mark. 
“C´mon, I´d miss you,” Haechan sent you a flying kiss. “You´re nice to look at.” 
“I will stab you in the eyes to assure you never look at me aga-” 
“If any of you say another world I´ll drag you outside by the ear.” 
You did shut up after that because you honestly felt kind of bad for Mark, he genuinely loved the two of you and you´ve been making his life hell by not getting along. At the same time, it´s not like you haven´t tried! When you first met Haechan, after only 5 minutes with him, you were already sure you disliked the man; but you made an effort for Mark, you spent weeks trying to make yourself grow any positive feelings towards Haechan, or just anything that didn´t involve strong wishes of strangling him, but the man never returned any of your efforts, always wanting to hog Mark all to himself and bad mouth you to the man,  so you gave up - 
Wait.  
Donghyuck had really nice fucking hands. 
Which you unfortunately noticed as he places more meat on the grill occupying the center of the table between your friends after Mark made the two of you change seats so you´d sit far away from each other. His fingers were just somehow very delicate and clean but manly at the same time, he had big hands and veins appearing through his skin, his long fingers adorned by rings – Did he always wear rings? Because they were surely doing something to you.   
And with that thought process, you were suddenly reminded those fingers had been inside of you and you had to cross your legs to contain the very sudden and very fast pulsing that started between them. You let your forehead meet the table in a very loud thud as you groaned in frustration. Every day that passed made you despite Haechan a little bit more.  
When the weekend did come, your group´s chaotic schedule didn´t allow you a time window to complete the second part of the bet, although you did meet. It was a common friend´s birthday, a small get-together at his place to celebrate another year and even though there were suggestions that you could finish the bet that night, you were absolutely not about to get fucked on Doyoung´s bed. Also, Haechan had some things to do and had texted the group chat he would be late to the party – Chenle had informed you Haechan had a date and you prayed to all gods out there that he would bring the girl along so he would leave you alone for once.  
When he did show up though, he was in fact, unaccompanied. But the main point was that Lee Donghyuck, had dyed his hair a light shade of brown that had you wanting to swallow down your own fist.  Ok, maybe you could fuck on Doyoung´s bed after all. 
But Haechan´s leather jacket and rings stayed on during sex. 
What?  
No! 
Fuck, maybe you just needed to get laid, it has been a while. Would Jeno mind taking whatever you had a step further? 
“Hello friends,” Haechan greeted his friends before turning to you. “Hello stalker.” 
“What? Why stalker?” 
“I don´t know, the way you´re looking at me seems pretty obsessive,” He shrugged as he jumped over the couch to take a seat in front of you, who was sitting on the floor. 
“You´re delusional.” 
“It´s ok,” He assured you, accepting a drink from Doyoung who was walking around welcoming and giving everyone attention like a good host. “I like them crazy.” 
“Because that´s the only crowd you can pull.” 
“Let´s remember who was begging me just a week ago,” He winked at you before taking a sip from his glass, you along with all the boys around gagging at his comment. 
“I thought we were forbidden from talking about the subject,” Jaemin informed. 
“I did my best,” Mark sighed. “I give up on these two, just kill each other for all I care.” 
Haechan and you managed to prove once again Mark´s repulsive argument that the two of you were basically the same person when you replied by asking at the exact same time, “Who would you rather survived?” 
“Right now? I hope none of you.” 
“Cold,” You pouted at Mark before turning to the other man. “C´mon, Donghyuck and I are besties, soon he will even give me his computer and his most precious hoodie. If that isn´t friendship I don´t know what is.” 
“You really think you´ll win, huh?” At least Haechan looked amused.  
“I don´t know, did you get your date there today?” 
“What date?” 
“Chenle said you were on a date.” 
“He told me he had a date,” Chenle corrected. 
“You mean I hanged out with a friend so she could dye my hair?” 
“Same thing,” Chenle shrugged. “Didn´t you already fuck her before?” 
“Yeah, but that doesn´t make it a date. We were at her hair salon – Wait,” Haechan stopped mid-sentence to look at you. “Awn, are you jealous?” 
“Donghyuck, I´ll put this the nicest way that I can so Mark doesn't have a nervous breakdown: Why the hell would I be jealous?” 
“I don´t know, there´s really no reason for it. If you want me just say so and I´m all yours-” 
“Ok, I can´t take this anymore. I know Mark asked us to not talk about it and I was very happy to oblige but I have some matters to discuss,” You interrupted Haechan. 
“Yeah, whatever,” Mark rolled his eyes and shrugged. “Go for it, see if I care.” 
“Let´s make a rule that when we reach the 4 minutes mark and Donghyuck has already lost, we have to stop everything immediately.” 
“We can´t do that,” Jeno carefully informed you, already prepared for the murderous glare you sent his way. 
“And why not?” 
“Since we couldn´t bet on the same thing you two, we bet on how long Haechan would take,” Jaemin explained.  
Oh, right. You remember very clearly betting on 6 hours because it was simply not going to happen. Jaemin, who went for the 12 minutes mark went as far as asking you to have at least some faith on his friend.  
You could argue that now that you and Donghyuck had some form of sexual encounter, he already knew your body a bit better and that was kind of cheating, but then you reminded yourself that none of the guys knew what actually happened that night after the club and you´d rather leave it that way, so you simply sighed in defeat. It´s not like Haechan did much besides literally putting is fingers inside of you, so you guessed that didn´t really count either. 
“Cheer up, princess. You´re about to have the time of your life,” Haechan smirked at you and you answered him by chugging your drink in misery. 
For the rest of the night, you tried avoiding Donghyuck like the plague because if you thought about how his rings would feel around your neck one more time, you would be forced to punch the guy and cause a scene – You liked Doyoung enough to not do that on his birthday. It wasn´t a full-out house party, but there were enough people around to make it possible to stay far away from Haechan, at least for a while, until he decided he didn´t want to let you have a peaceful night after all. 
And so you drank. 
“Daydreaming about me?” He sat next to you on the couch. Jeno had left you alone for a single second to grab more beer for fuck´s sake. 
“You wish.” 
“I do, in fact.” 
“Can´t you find literally any other girl to torment?” 
“But it´s so fun annoying you, though,” He smiled. “You look hot when you´re mad.” 
“Take your degradation kink elsewhere, thank you very much.” 
“Will do, wanna come with?” 
“Are you serious right now?” 
“C´mon. We don´t have to fuck, you´ve been staring at my thighs the whole night, you could just ride them-” 
“Oh my god, leave me alone.” 
“Well, let me tell you something,” He informed before turning his body in your direction so that he could lower his voice, suddenly deep against your ear. “I appreciate your act, it´s cute, really. But there´s no one looking. If we go somewhere, we can come back, and no one would know a thing. You could stop pretending you haven´t been clenching at the thought of my fingers the whole week and I could do all the fun things I´ve been thinking about-” 
You could sense his smirk at the way your body violently twitched. It was only once, but it was one time too many.  
“Oh. Wanna know what things?” He teased. 
You could just stand up and leave. But you didn´t really want to? 
 So you simply crossed your legs and took a deep breath to try and sort your mind out. 
His chuckle hit the sensitive skin on your neck, “I´ll take that as a yes.” 
And then his palm found your thigh once again, holding it from the inside like it was his, “I know we can´t actually fuck, but I think there are things that can be even more fun, don´t you? You know what I can´t stop thinking about ever since I´ve seen your pretty little pussy? How much I want to eat you out. You sound so good, I´d love nothing more than have you sitting on my face for hours-” 
You took another shaky breath, nails digging deep into your own right thigh, “Donghyuck.” 
“Yes?” 
“I will go to the kitchen get another drink and you will let me.” 
He laughed once again but retrieved his hand from your body, “You know where to find me.” 
And unfortunately, you did, because later, after a few more drinks and 1 very frustrating hour of trying to focus on anything else other than your panties sticking to your skin, you found yourself grabbing Donghyuck´s arm to get his attention while he talked to some guys you didn´t know. 
“Yes, princess?” 
You ignored the pet name and everyone´s eyes on you for your own sake, “Can you please follow me?” 
His cocky smile had you immediately regretting your impulsive choices, “Always.” 
You groaned but accepted when he grabbed your hand and motioned for you to lead the way, which you did, practically running up the stairs so none of your friends would see you before getting the two of you inside a bathroom and locking the door.  
“What do you want?” He amusedly raised his eyebrow at you, his body leaning against the bathroom sink now that you were alone and the music wasn´t so loud. 
“Don´t pretend to be dense,” You called him out before pulling him down by his shirt so you could smash your lips together.  
He smirked into the kiss before getting into it, wasting no time pressing you against the bathroom door as his tongue entered your mouth to match your desperation. When his hands found your hips to pull you closer, a moan escaped your lips and he groaned, his grip on you tightening enough to bruise your skin. 
Your hands in turn found their way around his neck, pulling harshly on his hair so he would get the message and just do something before you regretted bringing him here. You didn´t need foreplay this time, you already had hours of your very creative mind flashing images and trying to drive you crazy, all you needed was someone´s fingers inside of you  – And maybe they had to be Haechan´s. 
Thankfully, Donghyuck somehow got the message and pulled your thighs up around his waist, so he could carry you over to the sink as you two practically devoured each other, like air wasn´t something necessary for human survival, but his lips sure were. You used your legs wrapped around him to grind his crotch against yours and he groaned at you, “Don´t play dirty.” 
“Then do something.” 
“What do you want?” 
“You know what I want.” 
“Do I?” He played dumb, suddenly stepping away from you like that was just perfect timing to be a fucking little tease. “I can go grab you a drink if that´s what you mean-” 
“Good luck with that boner out there.” 
“Yeah, gonna find someone I can actually fuck.” 
“Oh my god, just fucking finger me please,” You groaned in surrender, letting your head hit the mirror behind you in frustration. 
The biggest smirk filled his face as he closed the distance between you in satisfaction once again, eyes shining in victory, “That´s what I like to hear. Good girl.” 
“Don´t be condescending.” 
“C´mon, I know you like it,” He teased before his lips met yours once again. 
He bit your bottom lip to be annoying before licking inside your mouth so you would let him do his thing – And since you had already thrown your dignity out the window an hour ago on Doyoung´s very elegant couch, you just let him. The man must have gathered how desperate you were from the way you were kissing him back, because he simply found your panties under your skirt and slid them right off with no ceremony, before his palms were pulling your thighs open and he found his place in between them. 
“Hand,” He ordered. 
For once, his voice didn´t sound like he was teasing you or playing around. It was just a plain order looming over you and you liked it, being able to forget who you were and who was standing in between your legs, your hand raising in front of him without even knowing what for. You watched in shock as he took two of his rings out and put them on your finger, before moving to the next one. 
“Leave them on,” You quietly pleaded, kind of ashamed of yourself for liking the idea and not believing you actually said that out loud. It just escaped.  
He smiled at your tone, “I´d love to, but these would really hurt.” 
“Oh.” 
“It´s ok, I´ll leave the ones on the other hand,” Haechan assured as he finished putting all his rings on you and his mouth met yours once again. 
You always kind of expected that for a kiss to be good and effective, it needed to have a build-up, to start slow and make its way up – But Donghyuck had a way of reminding whoever he was kissing of how needy he made them in just a few seconds. His mouth was working so good against yours that it was almost a pity that you had to break the kiss to gasp as you felt two of his fingers gathering slick around your slit and when he felt like his fingers were lubricated enough, he slowly pushed them inside of you, you had to close your eyes and let your head meet the mirror again to process the feelings. 
You see? He didn´t even have to do much and you were already so worked up, clenching around his fingers and hands holding harshly onto the sink. You were honestly scared of the power Donghyuck had over you and what he would do if he ever found it out.  
When you opened your eyes, Haechan was watching your face attentively before moving his fingers slowly. He looked so fucking good with his new hair and dark eyes that even this rhythm to get you used to being filled got you biting on your bottom lip to keep your whines inside.  
He noticed that and smirked, “C´mere,” 
And so you complied, lips chasing his until your tongues met once again. 
You had a theory that it´s not that Donghyuck was good in bed, you were just really horny. Your thought process made a lot of sense considering he never actually did anything to you besides looking hot while you actually did all the job – But you could throw your whole theory in the trash next to the sink once Haechan sped up his fingers. 
You bit his lip to keep yourself grounded at the fact that the man in between your legs actually knew what he was doing and did it really well. 
Shockers. 
And you meant well enough that if he fucked anything like he fingered you, you were kind of screwed (at least when it came to the bet). 
“It´s loud outside, don´t worry,” He smiled once you let go of his lip, noticing you were having a hard time keeping yourself together  - and you really tried pretending he didn´t have the perfect rhythm, that his fingers weren´t hitting all the perfect spots, that his kisses down your neck as you caught your breath weren´t doing wonders for you, but it was a really hard task considering he was in fact making you feel all sorts of new things in this short amount of time. 
When Haechan felt like you still weren´t letting yourself go, he bit harshly on the side of your neck and you couldn´t force inside the gasp that left your mouth. 
“You know I won´t let you cum until I´m satisfied, stop being stubborn.” 
“M-maybe you´re just not doing a-ah- good job.” 
“Oh, sorry. My bad,” He apologized, but the smirk on his face, once he stood straight, didn´t match his tone nor his words. Suddenly his thumb was on your clit, drawing circles as he pumped his two other fingers inside and you almost came undone at the way he cockily winked at you when a loud moan escaped your lips.  
“Oh, fuck-” 
“Yeah, that´s more like it.” 
“Just shut u-up,” You groaned as your nails found his shoulder, digging into his skin to try and keep yourself grounded as he sped up. You honestly didn´t feel like you would last very long under his ministrations and that just wouldn´t do.  
“Want me to stop?” 
“God- No!” 
“Awn, look who´s finally not being a bitch.” 
“Donghyuck, I swear to god-” 
“What? What will you do, huh? Cum around my fingers? Threatening. Maybe next time do it on my tongue.” 
You really didn´t need the imagery right now.  
You closed your eyes and your forehead met his chest as you felt your high approaching, trying to conjure all your willpower to not cum and give Donghyuck the satisfaction of doing it so fast, but it was no use. Haechan had some kind of magic fingers and when his free hand found your neck and you could feel the cool rings pressed against your skin, along with his lips brushing against your open ones that just couldn´t keep quiet, you were done for. 
Your whole body trembled as your cursed during the longest and hardest orgasm of your life, breaths mixed together. 
Once you regained your sanity, you just had to suck Haechan off in return after that. 
 It was good manners after all. 
★ 
You would be indeed lying if you said the bathroom incident didn´t occur more than once. Thankfully, you only allowed it to happen 3 times other than that one – 3 was a good number, you could forgive yourself for slipping 3 times. You could even argue that since he had already fingered you once, if he did it once or twenty times, it was the same thing, so it was not like it was going to impact on the bet.  
Yeah, you knew it was bullshit but who cares. 
The first time it happened, just like at the party, you were drunk. It was during trivia night, Donghyuck´s team was winning, and you were very unhappy about it. It´s not your fault that Mark was stupid and ended up on your team! By the time you got to the final questions, you were practically raging and somehow managed to beat them after getting 4 questions right in a row (once you got Mark distracted with something on your phone). After managing to rub your win in Haechan´s face in every way known to mankind, he got annoyed enough to drag you to the bar´s bathroom and “get you to shut up” as he so kindly put it. 
The second time you couldn´t use alcohol as an excuse, although you could say you were high on the adrenaline of playing ranked matches online. It happened when you and Donghyuck were playing Valorant and after you cursed at him for the 30th time about sucking over the call, he finally snapped and told you to come say it to his face – Which you did, because he really did suck. What happened once you were in his house, in his room, was completely unexpected. No one could have guessed he would end up fingering you as you played another ranked match on your account, right? 
The third time would have looked strangely like a 90´s parent trap kind of movie if you weren´t genuinely annoyed by the situation. You had invited Mark to watch the new horror movie at the cinema, Mark had agreed. Donghyuck had also invited Mark to watch the new horror movie at the cinema, Mark had agreed. Mark had also thought it was a good idea to not show up and not let either of you know about the other, resulting in a very angry surprise meeting at the movie theater´s door. 
“I´ll just sit very far from you,” Haechan had groaned. 
“Don´t be ridiculous,” You rolled your eyes, grabbing his arm and practically dragging him to your seats. 
“Awn, you´re scared. Aren´t you?” He teased once you were sitting down, finally processing why you weren´t putting the many rows of distance between you two yourself. 
“Yeah, very much. Now be quiet.” 
“I will have to inform you I am scared too.” 
“Oh, that´s just great. Do you even have anything to offer in life at this point?” 
It was kind of expected that he would finger you during the movie after that. 
★ 
“And who the fuck is that?” Donghyuck asked dumbfounded after you appeared in front of him, arm laced with another man´s. He earned an elbow on the ribs by Jaemin for his comment. 
You rolled your eyes and apologized to your date before turning back to the very rude person in front of you once San reassured everything was ok, “Donghyuck, I know you were raised by animals or something, but here in the city we normally greet people when we see them.” 
Haechan´s reaction must have been genuine shock because he was quick to apologize and give his hand out for San to shake as he introduced himself, even if he didn´t look anywhere close to happy.  
“Oh, so this is San,” Donghyuck raised his eyebrows in entertainment.  
Your date gave you the cutest smile once he heard those words, “You talked about me?” 
You were not about to let Haechan ruin this for you and tell San that all you said about the man was that he didn´t fuck you and that was the exact moment that resulted in the stupid bet that will end up with the man in front of you fucking you instead – So you simply smiled at San, “Of course.” 
“I didn´t know we could bring dates,” Donghyuck sent you a pointed look. 
“You´re supposed to bring dates to these kinds of things, Hyuck. I´m sorry you couldn´t find anyone to put up with you.” 
“Did your boytoy bring anyone?” He raised an eyebrow at you. 
Both you and San gave him a confused look, not sure who he was talking about. Jaemin rolled his eyes and grabbed his arm to drag him away but he didn´t budge. 
“Jeno,” Donghyuck clarified.  
Oh, you see what he was doing. 
And you were not about to give him the satisfaction. 
“Jeno brought Karina,” You informed calmly, not playing his game. “As expected.” 
“I see,” Haechan nodded before turning to your date. “Good luck filling the position then.” 
You couldn´t even say you were surprised, of course he couldn´t let you have anything. 
“Enjoy the party, Donghyuck,” You rolled your eyes before dragging San as far as possible. 
“Well, that was something,” Your date tried to break the ice when he saw you breathing out in annoyance. 
“I´m so sorry,” You sighed, calling over the waiter with the champagne tray. “Donghyuck´s insufferable.”  
“Well, now I have to step up my game to fit the boytoy job description,” He smiled at you, getting two glasses from the tray and handing one to you.  
“I´m sorry about that too,” You smiled in gratitude over the rim of the glass.  
“It´s ok, it´s a position I´m more than happy to fill. Specially if it will make your friend even more jealous.” 
“Oh, don´t worry. It´s not like that, I can assure you. He simply has something against my happiness, which is ok, because I also have something against his.” 
“Yeah, I don´t think we´re close enough for me to comment on that so cheers,” He laughed, raising his glass in your direction. 
You clinked glasses and laughed too; you loved a self-aware king.  
Turns out San was a really great guy and you were happy you had invited him to be your plus one to this fancy party thing. He complimented your dress and makeup every hour, he got you new drinks whenever the ice on the ones you were holding started melting too much, he got along with your friends, he looked absolutely stunning and most importantly, he kept you entertained. He also didn´t back down whenever you were at the table with the whole group and Haechan tried teasing him, politely putting the man back in his place – which really, was more attractive than anything.  
“Things going well, huh?” Jeno asked as you two met at the bar. San was in the middle of an excited discussion about music with Jisung, so you offered to get the drinks this time. 
“Very, actually.” 
“Think things are finally going to escalate tonight or are we thinking boyfriend?” The man teased. See? He could tease you just fine because you knew he actually cared.  
“We still haven´t even kissed, so I don´t really think I´m about to get railed,” You laughed, lowering your voice a bit so the bartender and people around wouldn´t hear your vulgar words as you waited for the drinks.  
“Well, you can always call Haechan over to complete the bet.” 
“I´m not that desperate.” 
“By the way he looks like he´s going to murder San anytime, I think he is. Always knew all this tension between you two had to be something more.” 
“Yeah, I wouldn´t dwell too much on it. Sometimes people just don´t like each other, Donghyuck´s just bothered he´s not the center of attention tonight.” 
“He´s bothered he´s not the center of your attention.” 
“Guess I´ve spoiled him too much, huh? How´s Karina, anyway?” 
“Still working on wooing her.” 
“You wooed her the first time you talked to her, Jeno. Don´t worry, she wouldn´t be here if it wasn´t the case.” 
“Well, since it didn´t work on you my game has been a little off balanced.”  
You laughed at his teasing but didn´t have time to reply as the bartender came back with your two drinks and Jeno´s. The two of you thanked the man and made your way back to the table and Jeno was right, Haechan did look like he wanted to murder San. Once his staring was getting too much, you kicked him under the table and he simply gave you an annoyed look before turning his attention back to your date, who was oblivious to the stares. Or at least pretended to be. 
Tired of Donghyuck´s attitude, you asked San if he wanted to dance and he was more than excited to stand up and offer you his hand like a real gentleman, before leading the way to the dancefloor. Sadly for you, the fancy ballroom didn´t offer any ass shaking music, but San being the dancer he was, had no trouble leading you in his arms. 
“I do have to say things are spinning a bit,” You laughed, commenting on your many drinks. 
“Yeah, I think that last Whiskey was a bit too much. Are there really that many chandeliers or am I seeing things doubled?” 
“I think both.” 
★ 
As expected, San didn´t rail you that night. But he did kiss you goodnight once he dropped you off at home and your heart was happy enough with that.  
Haechan also ignored you the week following the gala, you even tried sending him an invitation on Valorant when you saw he was online on Saturday but he never answered, same when you sent him a slightly offensive meme on Whatsapp, expecting him to offend you back.  
Well, guess you were living the dream.  
When the next weekend came around with no acknowledgment from Haechan, you figured he finally had enough of you and was over with your little frenemies routine, meaning the bet was also over. You were fine with that. What you weren´t fine with was with the fact that he got you used to having the best fucking orgasms of your life and now you were left high and dry.  
Life also wasn´t as much fun when you didn´t have anyone to try and beat at everything.  
So with no thoughts in mind, you put on your hottest outfit for group outing that night, even going as far as putting on the skirt Haechan always teased you about because you knew he liked it too much. You kind of expected him to not show up after icing you out for weeks, but there he was when you got to Jaemin´s house and he simply treated you as if absolutely nothing had happened. 
“Awn, wore this skirt for me?” He asked as soon as you sat down next to him on the couch.  
You were so surprised at him suddenly referring to you after weeks, that your eyes were wide when you asked, “You talking to me now?” 
“I was never not talking to you.” 
“Donghyuck, of course you were.” 
“Was not.” 
“Was too.” 
“Yeah?” He entertained; his face petulant. “And since when am I supposedly ignoring you?” 
“Since the gala with San, you-” 
“Oh, I see. You want me to be jealous so you´re projecting.” 
“That´s not- What in the gaslighting?” 
“Don´t worry, princess. I wasn´t ignoring you, was just busy.” 
“I saw you online when I was playing Valorant.” 
“Yeah, I saw your invitation. But you see, you´re just really bad and I was playing with the guys from college.”  
“So you two talking again?” Jaemin interrupted. 
“See?” You told Donghyuck as you pointed to your other friend to prove your point, downing a shot of tequila as frustration started to build up on you. 
“Just shut up and drink,” He rolled his eyes against his own shot glass. 
Well, guess you could say things were normal after all. 
“So, the bet,” Jisung brought up and everyone around the table groaned. “What? It was supposed to end like weeks ago, I kind of impulsively bought tickets to a Monster Truck show counting on that money!” 
“As if you would win,” Chenle attacked. “But he´s right, we really need to get this over with.” 
“We don´t need to do anything. Very easy for you to say when you´re involved nowhere near the actual completion of the bet.” 
“I could fuck you to end this already,” Chenle shrugged.  
“We´re doing it tonight, just shut the fuck up,” Donghyuck groaned, downing another shot of tequila. Yeah, he looked even more frustrated than you. 
“And how are we going to do this when you´re not even talking to me?” 
“Are you serious right now?” He looked murderously at you bringing the topic up again and you became small under his eyes. Since he started hitting on you, Haechan had stopped actually being rude and insulting you and you kind of missed him feeding your ego. Maybe you complained enough he stopped, maybe he didn´t want to fuck you that badly anymore -  
“Wait, are you dating the girl from the salon?” You asked when the possibility crossed your mind. “Because we´re not fucking if you´re da-” 
“What?” He looked at you like you were the world´s most stupid person. “Why would I- Oh, wait, so the bet is off in case one of us starts dating?” 
“Obviously?” 
“Guess you´ll have to tell your new boytoy you just lost your friends a lot of money.” 
“What? We´re not dating, we´re just – Oh, so you are jealous.” 
“I´m disappointed.” 
“At what?” You asked in disbelief, already swallowing another shot. You noticed Mark tried to say something, maybe stop the two of you from starting a fight, but you also noticed how he shut himself up before saying anything.  
“At how easy you just drop everything to get with some dude. I thought you were a worthy opponent -” 
“Donghyuck, this isn´t a game.” 
“No, this is a bet.” 
“Oh my god, just admit you have a star problem or something. Can´t handle not being the center of attention for a night? Is it too much for you? Go cry about it and leave everyone alone.” 
“Guys-” It was Jeno who tried this time but you were quick to shush him. 
“Not you acting like you didn´t came running the second I wasn´t down your neck.” 
“So you were ignoring me!” 
 "Yes I was fucking ignoring you. I don´t like you, I guessed that was established.” 
Wow. 
Yeah, you knew that. But it kind of stung now. 
A bit. 
“Is this some kind of foreplay?” Chenle asked. 
“Ask Y/N, I bet she´s getting off on this,” Haechan rolled his eyes, another shot finding its way down his throat.  
“Oh my god, chill. What got your panties in a twist?” You rolled your eyes too, more Tequila passing your lips because you couldn´t let Haechan drink more than you. 
“I can´t even tell if they´re really fighting or not anymore,” Mark raised his hand in defeat, a deep sigh leaving his lips.  
“You´re the one suddenly all sensitive. Homeboy didn´t fuck you good or are you just pmsing?” 
“You know what? Let´s go to the room and end this right now so I don´t have to put up with you ever again,” You half-suggested half-ordered. 
 No one said a word after that, noticing how Haechan was actually really mad. Jaemin didn´t even whine about you two using his room as you had expected he would as his friend stood up and made his way down the hall.  
“Wish me luck,” You rolled your eyes before downing another shot and following Donghyuck. 
When you got to Jaemin´s room, Haechan was already inside, so you quietly entered and closed the door behind you. You were thankful for Jaemin´s colorful lights because the blue room got you relatively calmer than you would be if you had to face the man in front of you in a normally lit room. 
“We´re not fucking until we have an adult conversation for once,” You informed, leaning your body against the door. 
“There´s nothing to talk about.” 
“Of course there is.” 
“I know we have this playing around thing but I´m really not in the mood.” 
“And I´m not in the mood to be fucked like this, so what´s wrong?” 
“Why do you need something to be wrong? It´s not like we ever treated each other well.” 
“Yeah, but you kind of did for the past weeks -” 
“Yeah, because I wanted to fuck you. Why? Did the princess fall in love?” Haechan gave you a fake pout. “I said you convinced me you were hot enough to fuck, not to date.” 
“I can assure you that´s not the case. I just don´t enjoy this whole childish act, we never liked each other but you don´t need to suddenly be a bitch about it.” 
“Guess I learned from the best.” 
“So you want to not fuck me anymore and call off the bet? Is that it?” 
“I guess. It wouldn´t really be fair now that we had someone else meddling in, would it?” 
“What the fuck are you even talking about, Donghyuck?”  
“I just wasn´t aware we were allowed to have sex with anyone else during the duration of the bet -” 
“Oh my god, you´re still talking about San – Oh. – Oh! Hold on! You´re mad because you were counting on me to be untouched and desperate or something so you could win the bet!” 
“Dear lord. I had you moaning like a whore around my fucking fingers and you think I need to count on something to get you anywhere? You really are stupid.” 
“Since you suddenly care about the integrity of this bet so much I will let you know that San hasn´t fucked me yet, so that´s all cleared. Now, if you could be a dear and go inform everyone you want to cancel everything so I can in fact go get railed by said man, I´d be really happy.” 
He answered everything you said by crossing his arms and scoffing, “As if.” 
“Oh I see how it is, wanna up the bet? See who gets me there faster? I bet my League account with all the legendary skins that San can beat you.” 
Well, that was enough to get Haechan practically throwing you against the door, a loud bang echoing through the apartment. You knew playing with his competitive nature would work. 
“Are you really that desperate for me to fuck you that you´re trying to get on my nerves?” He asked, voice more like a growl and face mere inches apart from yours. 
“You´re not the only attention whore in town,” you teased.  
“I told you all you had to do was ask, baby,” He smirked before smashing his lips into yours. 
Excited that this was finally happening and with the few shots in your system, you were more than happy to return the enthusiasm, hands now finding their familiar place in his hair as he pressed you harder against the door. As always, Haechan´s lips had you whining for more in no time, his hand expertly exploring your body as if you had no more time left in the world.  
Oh, right.  
The bet. 
“Get on the bed,” He rasped out after he felt you starting to grind against him.  
“You´re making me do all the work?” You teased, just wanting to be annoying. 
He stopped and stared you down in silence, thumb finding its way to your lips as he watched your face lost deep in thoughts, something in his eyes started to crumble down and it got your anxiety to start coming out. Not wanting to give him the time to process whatever he was trying to, your mouth engulfed his finger as you sucked on it. A smirk filled your face as you saw the way Haechan´s jaw clenched at the action, so you gently bit his thumb before letting it go. At least your distraction plan seemed to work out. 
“Honestly, fuck you,” the man sighed but his words had no bite as his lips found yours once again. You were so distracted by his tongue inside your mouth that you almost jumped when you felt him slowly slide the straps of your top down your shoulders. The sudden change of speed getting your brain to malfunction.  
Now, you were not generally sensitive around your boobs but there was just something that happened to you whenever it was Haechan touching your skin that had your back arching when his fingers accidentally brushed against your nipples when he was dragging your top down, goosebumps erupted up your body in a single second. A weak moan left your lips at the surprising feeling and the man answered it by rubbing the pad of his thumb over your right nipple, his tongue in your mouth not doing much to keep your noises inside at the way your core violently clenched around nothing.  
Donghyuck´s lips left yours to find their place on your neck, where he left wet hot kisses while you did your best to not squirm under him. The man made his way down your shoulders, to your collarbones, the top of your boobs until his soft lips found your nipples too - He looked up at you so smugly once you hissed at the sensation of his tongue circling the left one.   
You kind of found a new appreciation for his insufferable cocky face. 
“The timer,” You managed to breathe out, voice shaky.  
“Go ahead baby, I trust you with that chore.” 
An annoyed whine left your lips because honestly, you were not in the right headspace to be given any tasks - But as Donghyuck´s fingers dug into your waist to hold you still as he left marks on your boobs, you managed to get your trembling hand inside your pocket and get your phone out.  
“Don´t start it until I tell you to,” He ordered, looking up at you before dropping down to his knees and honestly, the view was enough to keep you from arguing. He could win the bet for all you cared. 
The man in front of you unbuttoned your shorts and gently pulled them down your legs, kissing up your thighs when he made his way back up. Your whole body was shivering as he approached where you were pulsing and you violently shook as he left a kiss right on your center over your lacy panties, his hot breath against your wet skin forcing a moan out of you.  
You hated that your body could simply not react normally to this man.  
Your knuckles were white from gripping your phone so tightly as he licked and kissed you slowly over your panties like he had nothing else to do for the rest of his life, it was hard keeping your moans inside and he didn´t even really touch you yet.  
“Donghyuck-”  
“Yes?” His eyes met yours from between your legs and you seriously wanted to scream.  
“Do something, please,” Your voice sounded so broken. 
The man chuckled at the way you dropped your attitude so fast, “Well, since you asked so prettily.” 
His fingers found the seat of your underwear, dragging it to the side as his face approached your core once again, now with nothing in the way. 
“I´ve been wanting to do this for a long time.” 
“Then fucking get to it,” You whined, the back of your head hitting the door in frustration. You hadn´t completely forgotten the bet was supposed to include no foreplay, but you were so desperate to feel his mouth on you that you could make an exception.  
Another low chuckle left his mouth before he got straight into work. If you thought his fingers were magic, you didn´t even know how to begin describing his lips.  
“Oh my fucking god,” You moaned, not even sure you had said it out loud or the words were just repeating themselves over and over inside your head. 
He kissed your clit, sucked on it and his tongue lavished you and all you could do was try your best to hold your sounds in because your friends were right outside and they didn´t deserve the show. Your free hand found its place tangled in Haechan´s hair and the whimper he let out at the way you tugged on it got you almost reaching the edge. 
He fucking whimpered.  
A high whiny breathy groan. 
That man was going to be de death of you. 
You were about to stop him, push him away because you were already so close, but he could probably already guess that by the way your body was twitching and you were pulling harder on his hair, so he leaned away after a final chaste kiss to your clit. He cleaned his face with the back of his hand as he looked up at you, appreciating the view of your semi-wrecked form. 
Donghyuck on his knees was such a pretty sight.  
“Get on the bed and start the timer.” 
Your legs were wobbly but you obeyed this time, eager to finally get fucked -  
Yeah, you were excited to be fucked by Donghyuck, so what? It was about time you accepted defeat and indulged a bit in your sexual taboos - Haechan himself being most of them.  
You sat down on the edge of the bed, not trusting your voice to ask how he wanted you. Also, this was his part of the bet, he would have to work for it for all you cared. You pressed START on the timer and tossed your phone away somewhere under the pillows, watching as the man approached you.  
“It´s annoying,” He said once he stood between your legs, his hand holding your jaw to tip your head up so you were forced to look him in the eyes. 
“What is?” 
“How hot you are.” 
“The timer is running.” 
“And?” 
“Hyuck-” 
“Are you going to start dating San?” 
“Do you really wanna talk about this now? Donghyuck, why-” 
“Maybe I really was jealous.” 
“What?” 
“I didn´t like seeing you with him. At the time I blamed my ego or whatever, but now thinking about you with him it´s making me mad - I mean, maybe it is my ego.” 
“Are you thinking about another man when you´re supposed to be fucking me?” 
“Can you shut up for a second?” 
“Is this your idea of a confession?” 
“No, Y/N. I´m not saying I´m in love with you, I´m just saying I realized I was jealous and I´m not sure why.” 
“Ok, can you figure that out after you finish fucking me, please?” 
“Eager?” 
“Yes, actually.” 
“I´m so hard.” 
“A romantic,” You roll your eyes. 
“No, it´s just- You have a weird effect on me.” 
“I- I know. I feel it too.” 
“Nah, I´m just that good.” 
“Ok, I take it back.” 
“I´m clearly joking.” 
“You´re clearly being annoying.” 
“Shut up.” 
“Come do it.” 
And so he did. Donghyuck bent over and his lips found yours once again as he gently pushed you back down onto the mattress and climbed on top of you. You wasted no time wrapping your hands around his neck to try and pull him impossibly closer, your fingers once again tangling themselves into the hair in the back of his neck and tugging at them. The way his hips automatically rutted against yours in reaction made your vision blurry. Man was not kidding when he said he was really hard.  
“Like hair pulling, huh?” You teased once the two of you let go of each other to try and catch your breath for a second.  
“You should try and choke me a bit if you´re curious,” He winked at you playfully.  
“You for real?” You really tried teasing him, but you´re the one who ended up choking around nothing and looking at him like he hung up all of the starts in the sky himself. 
He didn´t answer you, his lips catching yours as his hands found the hem of your panties, pulling them down your legs the best he could without breaking the kiss, which was not hard considering you were eager to help.  Ha, who would have guessed. 
You felt Donghyuck fitting himself between your legs once again, his whole weight supported by his left hand as he snaked his right hand in between your bodies. You felt his fingers circling your clit and you whined, trying to push him away, “Hyuck, no. I´m already clo-” 
“Just let me stretch you out a bit,” He explained, his same finger now finding its way inside you. Now, that´s something you had already experienced a few times before, but every time Haechan had his fingers slowly pumping inside of you, it felt like the first time all over again.  
“Oh, dear lord,” You whined, trying to hold back your orgasm because that would be simply humiliating.  
“I could literally cum just because of the way you keep clenching around my finger.” 
“I´m close-”  
“I know, baby. I can feel it. But you can hold it in for me, right? I want you to cum on my cock.” 
“Fuck. Donghyuck-” 
“Yes, princess?” 
“If you don´t add another finger right now-” 
“Anything you ask,” He smiled down at you, complying with your request - which you immediately regretted because if one of his fingers was already too much, you were definitely not prepared for two. Your nails dug into the skin of his arms without you even realizing, but you needed something to ground yourself. He was fingering you so slowly and yet you wanted to scream at how good the drag along your walls felt.  
When he judged you were ready, he retracted his fingers and you breathed out in relief, finally not having to use your full mental capacity to focus on not cumming.  
“We should go on a date sometime,” He stated in a matter-of-fact tone, like you were discussing the weather on a nice little walk. 
“Lee Donghyuck, what are you-” It was hard talking when you were still trying to catch your breath.  
“Indulge me.” 
“You´re not helping yourself win the bet.” 
“I don´t give a fuck about the bet, I´m already happy proving you wrong.” 
“And how are you doing that?” You knew the answer to that question, but you wanted to hear him say it.  
“Because baby,” He paused to give you a soft kiss on the lips, " this exact moment, we´re chatting to give you a break since you can´t even handle being fucked just from my fingers inside of you.”  
Touché. 
Maybe you loved his voice, especially when saying lewd things.  
“You´re not so much better,” You rolled your eyes, squeezing the bulge in his pants and earning a groan in response. “Now, can you please undress?” 
“Undress? How fancy,” He laughed, but his hands were already undoing his belt. 
“Do you always talk this much during sex? Maybe we should gag you.” 
“Careful with your promises, I might come demand their fulfillment.”  
“Just fuck me, Donghyuck.” 
“Never wanted anything more,” He smirked after he finished taking his pants off. 
He kissed you once again, but you were quick to break away, sitting up to pull at the hem of his shirt and he complied, raising his arms so you could take it off.  You pulled Haechan closer, kissing down his neck and ecstatic with the little whines he let out, especially as you started lowering the kisses to his chest. His skin felt burning hot against your lips and you wanted to stay there forever.  
It came as a surprise when he grabbed onto your waist and manhandled you, spinning you around, so you were now with your back pressed to his chest. His hand found your neck to hold your head as he chuckled darkly right against your ear, “I appreciate the attempt, but today I´m in charge.” 
You moaned as he used his knee to force your legs open, his hand leaving your throat to push your back down the mattress. You didn´t even have time to react or support yourself with your arms, your left cheek meeting the bed sheets as you felt the tip of his cock against your entrance.  
You pushed your hips back without even realizing, just wanting Donghyuck inside of you once and for all. But to no one´s surprise, it was just teasing you that he wanted. 
“You´re so fucking wet,” He marveled, rubbing his tip up and down your folds. “Just like you always are for me.” 
You wanted to retort, but you also wanted his dick inside of you – today, preferably. So you just whined impatiently and arched your hips a bit more, “Donghyuck!” 
“Beg.” 
“No.” 
“I want to hear the high oh mighty miss I´m-always-right begging for me to fuck her.” 
“Please.” 
“Not good enough.” 
“Donghyuck, please fuck me. You won ok? I need you. I don´t care. Just please, fuck me,” You could seriously cry.  
Maybe you weren´t used to not getting things your way. 
“Tell me you´re mine.” 
“Am I?” 
“Yes, but I need you to know it.” 
“Fuck me well and I might be.” 
“Good answer.” 
You could tell he was smirking as he finally slid inside of you.  
“Oh god,” You moaned. You had been waiting for this for months! 
“You can call me Haechan.” 
“You´re not as funny as you think you are,” You breathed out, your hands gripping onto the bed sheets as he waited for you to adjust for a second.  
“Maybe, but I am about to give you the fuck of your life.” 
“Why are you still talki-” 
Donghyuck didn´t let you finish the sentence, his hand that was caressing your lower back now grabbed onto your waist for support as he took his dick out before pushing it back in. He took absolutely no time to find a rhythm that drove you crazy, and as expected from mister tease himself, it was a slow one, but with that, you could feel every single vein and piece of skin dragging against your walls, every single pulse and twitch of his cock. 
“Fuck,” You moaned, closing your eyes harshly to try and focus on something other than the way the man you hated was about to make you cum in approximately 20 seconds just from teasing. 
“I´ve been imagining fucking you for years,” Haechan groaned. 
“Then fucking do it properly,” You cursed between gritted teeth, sentence interrupted by a gasp when his cock hit something inside of you that had you involuntarily clenching around him.  
“You can´t take it.” 
He was probably right, but you wanted him to anyways. 
“Maybe you just can´t do it.” 
Haechan´s answer was a laugh; his movements didn’t stop as you felt something grabbing your hair and pulling you up, your back once again against his chest, “I wanted to have my fun, but I guess that´s not something you´re familiar with.” 
His movements then sped up, his right hand finding your clit and rubbing circles on it and his other hand moved to your favorite place, your neck.  
He was absolutely right. You couldn’t take it.  
You were pretty sure you were being loud, but you couldn´t even be sure because your mind was in another dimension.  
“Happy now, princess?” He groaned against your ear from the effort of how he was harshly fucking into you.  
“Yes, oh my god. Don´t stop – Ah-  I´m so close.” 
Your body was shaking at this point, you threw your right arm back to latch onto Haechan´s hair for any sense of stability as you felt everything beginning to turn white.  
“I thought you would put more of a fight,” His hand around your neck tightened. “But I love seeing you like this, so no complaints.”  
You heard his voice but his words didn´t register, leaving your mind as soon as they entered because you were so so close.  
“Tell me you´re mine.” 
“I´m yours.” 
“This pussy is mine, only mine.” 
“Only yours.” 
“Good girl.” 
Never in a million years did you think you would let Lee Donghyuck say those words to you, and never in a million years did you think those exact words would trigger the most earth-shattering orgasm of your life. 
“Oh fuck, oh my god. Hyuck”-   
He didn´t let up, fucking you all throughout as you were moaning and twitching, his fingers never losing speed against your clit, his groans from the way you kept squeezing around him were enough to almost give you another orgasm back-to-back as he let your cheek gently hit the mattress once again.  
“If you keep calling me that I might cum soon too.” 
You didn't even mind the overstimulation, your ears were still ringing, you were still gasping for air but he didn´t stop, in fact, he only begin fucking you harder. Another high started building up and you weren´t even done with the first yet.  
You barely registered when he pulled out for a second to flip you around, finding his place in between your legs once again, which you automatically wrapped around his hips as he pounded into you.  
“Fuck,” He groaned, looking into your eyes. Sweat was running down his forehead and neck and you so desperately wanted to pull him closer and lick it. “Maybe I was jealous, can´t stand the thought of someone else seeing how pretty you look like this.” 
“Hyuck.” 
“I want to ruin you for any other man. Fuck, you feel so good.” 
He was close too, you could feel his cock twitching inside of you and how he lost control once every few thrusts. Your nails scratched his back enough to draw blood but he seemed to enjoy it, his head dropping down your neck and a whine leaving his lips. The vibration against your skin got goosebumps erupting once again all over your body and you felt yourself at the edge again.  
You stopped caring your friends were right outside about 10 minutes ago and Donghyuck just never did - Oh, right. He probably wanted Jeno to hear it all.  
“Hyuck, ah- I´m close.” 
“Me too, baby.” 
You didn´t think it was possible for him to go any faster, but he did. Now supporting his weight on his two arms, Donghyuck drilled into you and his lips met your neck, leaving wet kisses and sucking on it to leave as many bruises as possible.  
Man really had a possession problem. 
You couldn´t take it anymore, as the man bit a particular spot on the side of your neck, you closed your eyes and let it hit you. No man had ever been able to make you cum just from penetration alone and your world was suddenly turned upside down with your second orgasm of the night. Donghyuck probably did manage to ruin you for any other man.  
Fuck him. 
With your body spasms and the way your walls started clenching when you came, Donghyuck followed right along with you. He had his eyes closed, eyebrows furrowed as moans left his pretty lips - Haechan was insufferable but he was also the hottest man in the world, you were going a bit crazy.  
You felt warmness hitting your insides as he slowly stopped his motions and started trying to catch his breath. You watched with hazy eyes as his chest stopped heaving and he opened his eyes to stare right back at you. 
“Hello beautiful,” You smiled at him, breathing somewhat closer to normal even if you were still shivering.  
“I figured it out,” He smiled back at you.  
“You´re still inside of me.” 
“And I plan on being for a long time.” 
“Is that a threat?” 
“I want you to go out with me.” 
“Awn, someone has a crush.” 
“Maybe. Let´s have a date and figure it out,” He shrugged. “Maybe we will end up killing each other, maybe we will end up boyfriend and girlfriend, maybe we will end up fucking – No, we´re definitely fucking either way-” 
“You just want to keep staring at my boobs.” 
“That too.” 
“And you´re still inside of me.” 
“You never said yes.” 
“We´ve known each other for many years, Donghyuck. What makes you think we will start liking each other now?” 
“I guess I already like you and even when hating each other we still had fun, you get me, I get you. Let´s not overcomplicate it.” 
“Ok, let´s give it a try.” 
“You just want me to fuck you again,” He joked. 
“That too,” You smiled. 
★ 
“Oh, fuck.” 
“What´s wrong?” Donghyuck asked worriedly, tightening his belt after the shower you took. 
“The timer.” 
“Oh, yeah. Was too lazy to turn it off,” He shrugged. 
“But the bet-” 
“I told you I didn´t care about the bet.” 
“That´s because I won.” 
“That´s because I let you win.” 
“So you´re just giving me your stuff like that?” 
“Nop, because many rules were broken and that makes the bet invalid.” 
“I never agreed to that.” 
“So you really want my computer? Yours is perfectly fine, I know it because I´m the one who assembled it!” 
“No, but I do want your hoodie.” 
Donghyuck stared at you in silence long enough to make you uncomfortable before shrugging, “Fine, as long as I can fuck you in it. Now go outside and tell our dear friends the bet was canceled.” 
“Shouldn´t we just lie? I kind of feel bad for Jisung.” 
“If I agree, I get to choose where to go on our first date.” 
“Let me guess, your bed?” 
“What do you take me for?” He fake gasped. 
“Do you really want me to answer that? Because then I don´t think there will be a first date.”  
“Look who´s all mouthy now, not only 15 minutes ago you were-” 
“Don´t you dare.” 
“Oh, I dare.” 
“Just give me your hoodie and shut up.” 
“You´ll go out wearing it.” 
“What- Why?” 
“I want Jeno to see it.” 
“To see that I won the bet?” 
“No, that you´re mi- You know what I mean! Must you always be so annoying?” 
“You´re the one begging me for a date.” 
“Don´t complain if I end up making you sit down and watch all of the Fast and Furious movies.”  
“That would still be more pleasant than having a conversation with you.” 
“You know what? Then I´m taking you to a fancy restaurant and forcing you to look at me all nnight.” 
“It´s a nice view,” You smiled, calling a truce for the time being.
Donghyuck accepted the white flag and smiled back.  
Maybe this could work out. 
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lvrcpid · 2 years ago
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headcannons ii - modern!au
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neteyam
— he was the type of kid who did the lemonade stands as a kid, backwards e and all.
— his led lights are always set to white. he doesn’t even use the light in his room
— he definitely goes trick or treating still. no matter the fact he’s almost 6 foot. he’s gonna get him some free candy
— speaking of candy, his favorite candy is..TWIZZLERS 🤢
— if there’s one thing neteyam will do, he gonna take a deep sigh like he a stressed father of 5
— he has his caps lock on 😟
— such a mommas boy
— ‘you need help ma?’ ‘i can pick her up for you ma’
— idc what y’all say him and jake ARENT THAT CLOSE
— nete def strays away from jakes old veteran ass but the first one to use his military discount anywhere they go 💀 he’s so me
— that boy loves him some the weeknd
— die for you is his favorite song
— the type to literally hit you while laughing
lo’ak
— he’s always in some sort of pain
— ‘my back hurt’ ‘my ankle hurts’
— he was the type of kid who got caught with kik at age 12
— when he finally got his car, he got a dent in it not even an hour later
— he thinks those a.i president videos are top tier comedy
— his closet is where he records his raps 💀
— neytiri has to FIGHT with him to make him wash his favorite hoodie
— ‘MA I CAN GO ONE MORE DAY’ ‘ITS BEEN TWO MONTHS’
— under his bed is literally comparable to a landfill. ITS SO DIRTY UNDER THERE
— when he was a kid, he ran into a wall and knocked his two front teeth out
— something tells me lo’ak is a fast eater like you could blink and his plate is CLEAR
— jake made him join jrotc 💀
kiri
— she’s def a morning person
— you can find her in her room mediating or doing yoga
— very in touch with her higher self
— she’s given herself a lot of stick and poke tattoos
— her favorite one is a heart on her finger
— shoes? hell no. crocs and slippers.
— funniest person in the family hands down
— she actually enjoys cleaning, it’s therapeutic
— the type to make twitter stans mad on purpose
— has way too much blackmail on everyone in the family
— she probably can’t dance tbh shed rather watch
— gives the MEANEST side eye to people
ao’nung
— he has facial hair (teehee)
— he probably was the type to go “boi 🫱🏽” in middle school
— he smells like irish spring ¿
— big big big sneaker head
— ‘where my hug at’ AONUNG GO TO HELL
— got that stiff athletes walk to him
— something tells me he has a letterman jacket with ‘A’ on it
— he definitely needs his license taken away. he has three tickets already
— speaking of license, his picture is his rizz. he looks so pretty in his picture
— poor baby hates eye contact, it makes him nervous
— he’s so fruity. talking bout some “POOKIE 😆”
— he’s a beast at mini golf
— da hood is his favorite roblox game. he definitely gets annoying and tells people to mic up
tsireya
— she actually believes in the tarot readings on her fyp
— she’s confident. not cocky.
— she can whoop ass. PRAY WITH HER DONT PLAY W HER
— she wants to dye her hair but she’s so scared
— she got a tattoo of a heart behind her ear behind her parents backs
— my girl loves her some astrology
— ‘WHATS YOUR RISING??’ ‘tsireya get the hell out of my room’
— she has a pet kitten named wiggles
— her lock screen is of her , lo’ak and wiggles
— she loves oreos
— her and the sims locked IN
— she’s spent at least 500 dollars on packages for the game
— she wears glasses but never wears them so she’s always squinting
— she’s a concert junkie. she’s been to almost every single nct concert she could attend
— ‘lo’ak let’s get matching silk presses’
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hittoki · 8 months ago
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[ CHAPTERS.06 ] く stupid heartburn ₊☆
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Y/N flipped the page of her chemistry detention packet—Ms. Jeon’s new way to torture her—and huffed. More and more equations to balance. As she got to work on the first problem, she heard the door to Mr. Ko’s room open and a group of boys filtering in.
She looked up, down, and then back up at the sight of her two peers. Their dejected faces made her want to laugh. Y/N subtly pulled out her phone and opened twitter, telling everyone on her private account about the news.
She noticed that Riki chose the seat behind her and smiled. Y/N caught his attention when she turned to face him. “What’d you guys do to get in detention?”
He sighed and rolled his eyes. “Gunwook and I were breaking up a fight between Yushi and Woonhak when Ms. Jeon walked out of her classroom. I guess, to her, it looked like we were also involved so she gave all of us detention.” She looked at the two boys who started the fight, their hair slightly disheveled.
“What about Dohoon?”
The boy raised his head at the mention of his name. “Dude, let me tell you. I was filming the fight—like, got on the ground to get a good angle and everything—and I just heard Ms. Jeon scream, ‘Stop!’ at the top of her lungs and nearly shit my pants.” Y/N chuckled at his scared face. “Anywho, she pulled me up by my ear and took my phone and then gave me detention.”
“Now you know how I feel.” Dohoon frowned, patting the girl’s shoulder.
Gunwook scoffed. “What did you do to get detention this time?”
“Breathe,” he looked back down at his work, snickering. “No, I’m being serious. Ms. Jeon was looking at my test and she was pointing out that one of my answers was wrong. All I did was exhale and she thought I was giving her attitude.”
Gunwook watched as Riki and Y/N talked, seriously not in the mood for lovey-dovey stuff. He didn’t know why he was so annoyed, but he hoped that ignoring it would be best. As soon as the bell rang, he collected his bags and started walking downstairs, toward the dance practice room.
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Gunwook laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He thought about earlier, how he felt when his best friend and (self-appointed) rival flirted. I’m not jealous! If anything, I’m upset because she’s trying to infiltrate my friend group…Yeah!
Worlds above, an angel laughs to himself. “Silly boy.” While Gunwook was still thinking of the girl, the angel, who went by the name of Cupid, aimed his arrow at the boy and released it.
The boy clutched his chest, breathing heavily. “Stupid heartburn,” he unlocked his phone, which opened up to Y/N’s profile. Though he was alone in his room, his cheeks burned out of embarrassment. “Mom! Do we have heartburn medication?!”
“It’s in the medicine closet, Wook-ah. Don’t die on me!”
Not too far away, Y/N walked up to her mother’s desk. “Mama, do you have anything for heartburn?”
The girl’s mom smirked. “What, did Cupid get you?”
“Don’t be crass. I think I’m just dehydrated.”
She sighed. “Yeah, go look in my purse. I think I have Tums in there.” Y/N thanked her mom and immediately went searching for the chewable.
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prev | masterlist | next
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★. . description 𓂃 cupid sees the true feelings of individuals and pairs them together based on these feelings. he never makes mistakes. however, y/n is convinced cupid has accidentally shot his arrows at her and the class president, park gunwook.
★. . taglist 𓂃 @junityy @heartsswon @junnysbae @2ynjns @callanton @gh9sty @spjhyn @leehanascent @chaerybae @gyvnexe @lilacgyuvin @nanasdream @chweverni | open! (send an ask or reply to this post to be added)
★. . author’s note 𓂃 update after 22 days…rip 💔 guys i just had my act and i think i most definitely maybe sorta kinda failed 😭😭 “oh the math should be stuff you’ve done in middle school” OH WHAT THE HELL NO IT WASN’T!!!!! I’VE NEVER SEEN THAT STUFF BEFORE
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© 2024 HITTOKI. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or steal anything I post!
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thegildedbee · 6 months ago
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Do-Over: May 20 Prompt from @calaisreno
Program Note: Since there are a bunch of these posties, I've also stuck them onto my ao3 site since that's easier than my going back through tumblr later if I end up trying to make them grow up into a real fic :-) You can also find them at the May 2024 Prompts collection, in the company of multitudes of breathtakingly creative ficsters and their fics to read and treasure, organized by @calaisreno -- what a maestro they are, with setting in motion this whole fantabulous outpouring of mayday-mayhem and orchestrating it all month long, amirite? Yes, I am! :-) ........................................................................... “Really? Really? I can’t even open a goddamn email message without getting knocked about and run over and pissed on,” John fumes, trapped in a fight-or-flight reaction that is equal parts fight and equal parts flight, making his head feel like it’s going to explode. He throws his coffee cup against the wall, and his only regret is that the effort does nothing in terms of relieving any of the pressure. “Of course it doesn’t,” he says through clenched teeth.
The last weeks have been an agony. The first weekend in February had ushered in heavy rains and sharp winds, which had him making his way across London while dragging his boots through grimy slush that inevitably trickled its way inside his socks in icy rivulets. He landed on his arse at one point while crossing the road, which annoyed the already angry drivers who leaned on their horns as they skidded around him.
He’d stayed inside for the next four days, until the sun appeared for a brief flirtation with the city before being swallowed up by the charcoal ash-smudged clouds once again.
He knows, obviously, that one month out from Sherlock’s funeral, that it's still early days for being able to have any sort of balance inside, but still, he hadn’t thought that there were bottoms below the bottoms to which he’d already plummeted. But whether he acknowledges it forthrightly or not, part of what is driving his internal fury is the incessant advertising for Valentine’s Day. It makes him want to take his gun and shoot a skull and crossbones into the nearest brick wall.
Staring at the mess of ceramic shards and wild splatters of coffee, he puts his hands on his hips and hangs his head. “You need to get it out, John,” he spits out in a whiny, imitative falsetto. “Say it now, John. Say what you didn’t say.”
There was the huge British Airways billboard, of a blue sky with a white fluffy cloud in the shape of a heart, with a jet and its contrail slicing through it like a cupid’s arrow:
“London to Singapore: This Valentine’s Day, Say it With an Escape Voucher.”
Escape. Right.
There was the Twitter campaign on the Underground, with large mock-ups of sarcastic dating tweets, like:
*finds a soulmate.* *swipes left in hope of finding a hotter soulmate.*
The mass text message from Angelo’s, advertising the Valentine’s Day prix fixe dinner:
“Eat with Your Heart.”
Today, though. Could this be any more ludicrous? It was nothing but a mundane email message, to be sent to the trash in a trice. But.
It was one of those emails, where the writer puts an inspirational quote underneath their signature.
“There are no do-overs, but there are second chances.”
Oh, yes, he was feeling so uplifted, now. So appreciative of the earnest guidance. So motivated to become more self-aware.
" . . . there are second chances."
Like hell there are.
He hears the sound of the door opening, and of his sister bustling into the vestibule, chattering and gesticulating her way toward the kitchen with her usual noise and bluster.
"Hey, Johnny? You home?” she asks, as she rounds the corner, stopping short at the sight of the smoldering vibrations he's giving off. “Oh. There you are. What happened?”
John shakes his head, giving her a sardonic smile. “I don’t know what to tell you, Harry. The mug just jumped right out of my hand and ran into the wall.”
She looks at him sideways, immediately aware from his tone that something is clearly gravely amiss, that the shattered cup is just the tip of something harsher. Although, when wasn’t he finding something amiss? It's been a never-ending rotation of anger, depression, anger, depression, anger, depression. 
“I picked up some groceries," she says, cautiously. "There’s some of that ice cream you like. Also fruit and veg if you’re going to take a stab at fighting off the scurvy you've got coming on.”
John walks into the kitchen, his demeanor collapsing from rage to stoicism. “Hey. Let me help.”
“Sure, thanks, Johnny. Oh, I wanted to ask you for a favor – it’s a bit daft, but I thought I’d just give it a shot."
“Okay.”
“Trina wants to go to a film on Valentine’s Day. Would it be possible for you to watch her two kids for a few hours at her place?”
John stares at her in disbelief, pulling back his neck and peering at her with skepticism.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah," she says, hurriedly. "I see that’s going over real well. Never mind.”
John shakes his head. "Harry, it's just that I have no idea if I can be in charge of someone's kids right now. I imagine I could, but it’s not exactly in my wheelhouse. I mean, safety first, with kids, and I'm not in the best head."
Harry brushes her shoulder against his, trying to lighten the mood. "Are you serious? Can you handle kids? What about living with Sherlock – you said it was like running a day nursery sometimes. And you kept him out of trouble just fine, kept him in one piece -- ”
Her hand flies to her mouth and her eyes go impossibly wide. “Oh no, I’m so sorry, Johnny, oh no, I didn’t think, I just let my mouth run on.” She looks at him standing there, rigid except for a slow inhale, and a scary length of time holding his breath, until he finally begins to let it escape in stingy exhalations. She tries to explain, with, “It’s just, you know, you always said it was like managing a child at times" -- and his expression is really alarming her now -- "oh no, never mind, I will shut up. Right now. I'm so sorry."
John says nothing. He turns his head to the side and looks behind him; looks above him; looks at Harry; looks down at his feet; clenches his hands; unclenches his hands; clenches his hands again; starts to say something; stops; shakes his head; looks at Harry again; rolls his eyes; and throws up his hands.
“That’s it. Harry, this isn't because of the last few moments, it’s just I'm at the end of my rope after a very bad few weeks. Look. I just need to get out of here. I'm going to go away for a few days. I appreciate what you're doing for me, and for being able to be here, but just for now, I need to get away."
“Okay, John," she says, placatingly, contrite. "I’m sorry, I really –” she stops when he holds up his hand.
“Not the issue, Harry. Truly.”
“But where are you going to go? Are you going to be okay?” she says urgently, worried about this sudden turn of events, and what it might mean.
“I don’t know," John says plainly, shrugging his shoulders. "I may just go to the train station and throw a dart at the departures board. But, look, I’m going to grab a few things and then I’ll be off. Best have me out the way for yourself as well.”
Not stopping to double-guess himself or to have to explain himself further, John jogs over to his room and hastily grabs at the first few things he sees that he might need, stuffs them into his rucksack, puts on his heavy coat, and gives Harry a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll let you know where I land.”
"Promise, Johnny?”
“Promise.”
John practically runs out the door, feeling like he's flying apart, and wanting to get outside and to start moving toward something, somewhere, even if it’s just pretend. He loves London, he does. So much, but he's been so many places around the city with Sherlock for so many different reasons, it’s an atlas of emotion that he is always aware of. To be honest, he also doesn’t want to leave London right now, for the same reason; London means Sherlock, and he wants to hold on to as much of him as he can right now.
Fight or flight.
He wonders: should he visit Sherlock's grave? Would that help him shake some of this? No, the gravesite is an ending, and he doesn’t want to be reminded of endings, of feeling like he's being ground into the pavement by a merciless force.
Some place that is a memory of beginnings? Bart’s is out, he says to himself with a harsh chuckle. Not 221B. 
Where then?
He thinks back to those first days, and pulls up his general knowledge of London transport and pleads with it to find him an answer.
Paddington, it says. Paddington? Ah, he knows this. All right, then: Paddington.
He’s going to Cardiff.
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