#This is why I argue with autism moms

[brightlotusmoon]

...hey look, I found my own Deanna Troi and disability rep post!

hey other autistic/adhd people, why do you like Star Trek?

[arundolyn]

on one hand it sucks cause it sucks to see her like this and for her to have to go through it in general and also its literally so much cancer and like at least???? at LEAST 2 different types???? so they don't know what to do about it and any further treatment would literally just be Seeing What Happens. and it sucks for this to be like. it. and to have to remember This after

but on the other it's also. like. all of this happening has kinda crystallized more in my mind that i don't have a hell of a lot of nice things to say about my mom in the end. which feels awful. but also at the same time i can't really like.. tolerate. giving credit to someone who Loves me who like.. saw it as an obligation? and would and probably will right now if given the opportunity hold it over my head? the fact that she raised me and all. i brought you into this world ill take you out etc. i don't know how you can say that shit to a kid ever and think you're right. i just can't. for all that she's always said she loves me she sure. doesn't act like it much. i don't think keeping all my baby blankets and my kindergarten schoolwork counts for much when your actual emotional support of me has never been great and is half of why im Like This. like it doesn't really feel like she's ever made much of an effort to understand me. lord knows I'll never understand her at this point aside from just. kinda always been too self centered for parenting i think. my mother has never been particularly selfless.

all of this feels horrendous to say out loud in any regard

[luv4berry]

my eyes only.

earth 42!miles morales x fem!reader

SUMMARY: miles belleves that you're for him and for him only, no sharing. not even with your best friend.

GENRE: angst to fluff

WARNINGS: bickering/arguing, suggestive(?), kissing, idk if this counts as toxic miles lowkey right in his anger but at the same time is he fr, jealous miles, y/n is lowkey a walking red flag, cursing, man idk

AUTHORS NOTE: the autism is rlly autisming with this movie </3

“baby you not stupid and i know you aren’t, why you acting like that?”

“miles, leave me alone.”

“nah, cause i already told you ion like him, why you still talking to him? you fuckin’ with him or sum?” he narrows his eyes at you, clasping his hands in between his legs while cocking his head to the side.

“im not having this conversation with you, call me when you done having your lil tantrum or whatever.” you ignore your boyfriend's scowl as you slide to the end of his bed and silently load everything into your coach tote bag, incoherently mumbling to yourself.

“the childish shit im talking about man.” he shakes his head, twin braids following suit. he gets out of his rolling chair, snagging the bag from your hands and holding it above his head where you can’t reach.

visibly annoyed, you roll your eyes at the tantrum he was throwing. before you had even dated him you laid down all possible icks, including your best friend. you told him how your relationship with said best friend was non-negotiable due to the significance he held in your life before miles. before miles, he was the one who you cried to, who you confined in about your family, your feelings, your insecurities. though after getting with miles you weren’t as close with him, he was still your best friend.

“miles give me my shit, don’t piss me off.”

“why? what you hiding? ain’t no way you not messing with him.”

in the stillness of his room, your phone rapidly vibrates inside your bag, miles interest immediately piqued when his fingers curve around the device, the name “dante <3” flashing on the screen.

he laughs to himself, but you knew better than to think it was a laugh of amusement. the manner of his laugh was deeply provoked, a telltale sign that it had an underlying meaning. he sends you a hard look, “so we adding hearts now too? bet.” he says while answering the facetime call.

“y/n?” dante calls out to you, the camera panned toward the ceiling, his ruffled locs in frame.

“nah she busy right now homeboy, what you want?”

“uh okay? can you ask her if she can retwist my hair this sunday?”

“nah.” he blatantly answers.

“huh?”

“dante hang up!” you call out from behind miles, to which he sends you another glare. before dante can respond miles hangs up, turning his whole body to face you. “so wassup?”

“miles give me my phone.”

“your phone? ma this our phone.” you roll your eyes once more and quickly snatch your phone from his grasp, shoving it into the tote bag and slipping your black crocs on. “don’t text my phone either.” you yell on your way out slamming his room door, silently praying that mama rio wasn’t home.

it was getting more and more difficult to manage the pit that sat in your bosom from the fight you had with your boyfriend earlier. you were used to talking to him in your dimly lit room around this time, your hands playing with the loose coils at the back of his head while saying cheesy things to each other, exchanging light pecks and subtle touches.

you groan loudly, tired of sulking to yourself you decide to get up from your bed, do your makeup and take pictures. you sit at your vanity, shuffling your playlist while opening up your makeup bag.

about 20 minutes into your routine, you hear incoherent voices coming from just outside your door. you tip toe towards the door, peaking your head out to see miles, helping your mom set the dinner table while engaging in small talk. “yeah, basketball’s good.” he says, smiling at her with all 32 pearly whites.

“y/n’s upstairs, ill call you guys down when dinners ready.” she smiles, coaxing him towards your room. you quietly shut the door, scrambling towards your vanity table, acting as if you had not witnessed the scene that took place just outside your door mere seconds ago.

you hear him quietly enter and creep up behind you, the mirror capturing his movements. you line your lips, ignoring your lovers presence even when he wraps his arms around your torso and repeatedly kisses your face.

“who you looking all fine for?”

you greet him with nothing but silence, putting your manicured finger over his lips which he attempts to bite.

“oh so it’s like that?”

“yeah, it’s like that, and I didn’t invite you over. go home.” you get up from your position, walking towards the door that he left open, closing it.

“what i told you ‘bout that mouth? you got all sorts of attitude today.” he argues, trailing behind you.

you scoff while crossing your arms, turning around and mean mugging him. you watch as he takes a moment and backs up, giving you a once over. the argument that had him so worked up earlier dissipated into thin air, his focus now on the biker shorts that hugged you a little too tight, and the cropped cami that hung a little too loosely. you watch a ghost of a smile adorn his lips.

“nasty ass.” you snap him out of his thoughts.

he snorts, taking a seat on your bed and pulling you in between his legs. “you still mad at me?” he questions you, raising his brows.

“it’s not gonna magically go away miles, you didn’t even try to apologize, showing up at my house at 8:00 kissing me and shit isn’t gonna fix anything.” it was the truth, and you weren’t backing down from it. you wanted an apology, you weren’t willing to go any further with him till you got said apology, you couldn’t push this to the side.

“y/n, baby, you know i love you but im not fucking with the way you making it look like im wrong for feeling the way i feel.” miles argued.

“because you are wrong! i told you about him before we even got together, you can’t expect me to drop him in 2 seconds just because you asked, he’s my best friend!” you argue back, keeping your voice down cautiously due to your nosy family on the other side of the door.

“no ma, im your best friend, you for my eyes only.”

“if you came here to argue with me you should just go.”

“we don’t sleep mad at eachother, we fixing this right now.” he says, dragging you into a straddling position atop him, his arms momentarily wrapping around your waist. your eyes dart around your room, refusing to make eye contact in fear of folding immediately.

“i just want you to put it this way, you got this fine ass girl, right? but then she got this ugly ass—“

“miles.” you warn him.

“… she got this boy best friend that she always on the phone with, always going out with, and she always wanna see him when you’re right there. she always talking about him, texting him when with you, answering his calls.” for the first time in a while you realize how off that sounds, maybe you had been the wrong one, though your stubborn nature made it hard to admit it.

he begins to speak again, “im not asking you to cut him off, im asking you to minimize how much you talk to him—im a guy and i know how we think. you might think y’all homeboys but he plotting on you, just think of it like that baby.” he finished while rubbing the skin of your thighs in slow tender circles.

“im sorry.” you quietly murmur under your breath into his shoulder. just barely loud enough so he can hear. but no, he had to hear this, you admitting you made a mistake.

he taps your thigh, “speak up, cant hear you.”

“you heard me, don’t be annoying.” you said when you realized his true intent, embarrassed by how you had previously acted.

miles snickered to himself, “ma?”

“yeah?”

“my fault for getting loud with you earlier, i didn’t mean to do all that.” he admitted, kissing your shoulder blade.

you remove your head from the crevice between his neck and shoulder, repeatedly giving him big smooches on the lips in acceptance of his apology which he gladly returns.

the moment is ruined by knocking on the door. you scramble off his lap which ultimately ends with you landing on the floor with a thud. snickers come from your bed, a deadpan expression immediately sweeping over your features.

“hope y’all not in there being nasty.” your mother calls out, “get decent and come downstairs to eat.”

love, berry <3

[spooky-something]

No, because can someone PLEASE explain to me why no one ever seems to acknowledge or even mention the fact that Jackson Jekyll and Holt Hyde are LITTERALY A SYSTEM???? Like, the blackouts, the triggers, the discrimination, the alter favoritism, the struggles with inner communication, the lack of belonging, confusion with self, THE QUOTE "Look, I dunno what comes over me! I mean, sometimes, I just feel like there's another person inside of me just, y'know, trying to get out! Stupid, huh?" DROPPED BY HOLT. LIKE, WHY IS NO ONE GONNA MENTION THIS??? WHY HAVEN'T THEY MADE THIS CANON FOR GEN 3???? IF GEN 3 IS ALL ABOUT MORE REPRESENTATION, LIKE GIVING TWYLA AUTISM OR MAKING FRANKIE NON-BINARY, THEN WHY NOT OSDD/DID TO HOLT AND JACKSON??? ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE'S NOT ENOUGH REPRESENTATION FOR US SYSTEMS OUT THERE THAT ARE OFFICIAL OR, WELL... GOOD 💀

Holt Hyde and Jackson Jekyll would quite litteraly be INCREDIBLE for Gen 3's representation, especially when we never hear about trauma based disorders portrayed well in media

Instead of making Holt and Jackson essentially a system because of their mom, why not change that? Maybe dudes do have the Jekyll/Hyde body transformation shit, but that never came with the completely different people seen in the Gen 1 Holt and Jackson, maybe it's more like the original novella where it's two bodies one mind. The completely different people come via trauma they experience as a kid, which each manifest into different alters and physical forms, therefore, keeping them as "monsters", while not being fucking ableist for the hell of it 💀 (Plus, Mattel, if you take this idea and make it to where each alter, besides Holt, manifests as a different physical form you can make more merchandise based on each alter, and therefore more money... You know... If you ever want a "real" reason to make them a canon system...)

Like, dudes... Come on... They're literally a system. No I won't argue on this. Thank you.

[brightlotusmoon]

Going to coast into 2023 like this because I've also finally run out of fucks in my forties.

Via a friend.

Also personally relevant because I've had Ninja Turtles as a special interest and hyperfixation for thirty years.

[fathercharlesoffdensen]

Kloktober, Day 4: Fav. Headcanon(s):

- Charles has a Gear brand - don't ask to see it if you value your life, however.

- Nathan being on the autism spectrum is pretty much implied in canon (por ejemplo, massive anxiety about going to the dentist is very common amongst those with ASD / he didn't speak until he was 5 / his occasional "potato chip kick[s]" because they're clearly a safe food for him), but I would argue that that more than anything else was the biggest contributor to his not graduating high school. I assume the school system (in Florida, no less) had little to no accommodations for students with special learning needs when he was growing up, and so he gradually slipped through the cracks. Nathan clearly is a brilliant lyricist/poet, which could have been an asset to him in English class and such with the right teacher. We also see him utilizing the library at Mordhaus, recording himself reading Shakespeare, and attempting to figure out Dethklok's finances during Charles' hiatus, and even though his predilection for frog dissection probably meant he enjoyed the process vs. showed scientific aptitude, it is worth mentioning here. TL;DR: Nathan has been conditioned to believe he's 'stupid,' but I firmly believe he could have made it through school with the proper resources. Perhaps he could have even gotten a college football scholarship.

- Toki's parents' treatment of him is directly related to their religious / prophetical interpretation of his archetypical role as a bringer of death, the same way that people accused of being witches often get mistreated by their families / communities.

- Skwisgaar's father actually is a god, hence why none of the DNA tests performed on the (many) men who slept with his mom were a match.

- Pickles says in "Fatherklok" that he doesn't know his own dad's first name - I headcanon that his family has no idea what his 'real' name is either.

- Part of Murderface's fascination with the Civil War is genealogical, aka he has ancestors who fought in it, etc. Bonus: I like to think his grandfather's massive stroke didn't occur until after Murderface made it through adolescence and that they had at least a somewhat congenial relationship.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for yelling at my mom because of incense?💭

( emoji so I can recognise my submission and this is a hella long post so be warned)

So I (16F) really hate smoke. And I mean beyond the regular hate, I mean like the moment I smell smoke I instantly become very, very angry. I'm not sure why exactly, I suspect it might be because I'm on the autism spectrum but I haven't been officially diagnosed so take this with a grain of salt. Also just to clarify, I have no lung issues which would cause me to be extra effected by smoke, it's almost entirely psychological.

My mom (50F) got into this whole spiritual circle stuff about a year ago and does meditation thingies. Involves a lot of rituals, crystals and incense. Not entirely sure the exact reason why but the important thing is this means she is lighting incense almost everyday. As a result, on most days the house smells like smoke. I have told her quite a few times to ventilate properly if she's going to use it but I feel like every time I enter the main room of the house it smells like smoke. However I can manage this by simply shutting my door to avoid getting a lungful of smoke. No, the thing that pisses me off are her "cleansing sessions." This is where she goes through the house waving an incense stick everywhere to "purify the bad spirits." This means I have absolutely nowhere in the house to escape from the smoke and often get forced outside to escape. I have tolerated these "cleansing sessions" a few times but on the most recent one, it happened to be raining extremely heavily. This meant that I was stuck. In a house FILLED with the smell of smoke.

I tried to keep myself calm for a while by ventilating the smoke from under a blanket but even then I could still smell it and it made me raging mad. So I then proceeded to stomp up to my mom and yelled at her. I said some very nasty things which I'm not proud of saying. They were very personal insults mostly pertaining to how her beliefs were bullshit and about her insecurities. We had a shouting match over it which ended in her telling me to go back to my room.

Why I think I could be the asshole here is because:

A. I could have more clearly stated beforehand that I wanted her to stop cleansing my room or at the very least she needs to turn the aircon on when she burns incense.

B. She didn't really deserve the things I said to her. She's a sensitive person and I know it probably deeply hurt her even if she didn't act like it in the moment.

C. I didn't mention it earlier but I have a brother (17M) who has athsma. He has never had any problem breathing or any complaints about my mom burning incense. If anyone would be affected by this the most it would be him and yet he doesn't care. So I feel like I just really overreacted.

Why I think I might not be the asshole here is because:

A. I have asked her before that she ventilate the house properly when she does her meditations and yet every time I can smell it. Sometimes she wont even open the windows so I have to do it myself.

B. She knows how much I dislike the smell of smoke. I have said multiple times how I hate it and every time I have smelt it in the house I've been very obviously annoyed. There was even once incident where our neighbours were having a bonfire and I literally could not sleep in my room because I could smell smoke and had to sleep on the couch. Every time she's done one of these "spiritual cleansings" I have also made it abundantly clear how much I hate this but she doesn't seem to care because it usually forces me outside.

C. As before mentioned, my brother has athsma. While it may not seem like it bothers him I don't know what the long term consequences may be for his lungs. And for my lungs too! Like, I'm not an expert but I don't think regularly breathing in smoke is very good for you. She argues it's "real natural smoke" so it's fine and I told her she should try breathing near a wildfire to see how she liked "real natural smoke."

Anyways, with all these facts considered, random strangers on the internet, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[sapphicdib]

"i could gush about my sig headcanons all day but auuughvjgghh". You know what, do it. I dare you. After that sleepy iterators post I'm itching for more headcanons to ponder.

SORRY THIS IS RLLY LATE, IVE BEEN WORKING A LOT

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME HAVE AN EXCUSE TO HAVE A CATEGORY 10 AUTISM MOMENT ON THE DASH. this is legit about to be a better essay than anything ive ever turned in for university so strap in, obv everything is gonna be under the cut bc this is prolly gonna be long as fuck

Okay! My main headcanons for Sig are:

He uses he/she/it pronouns, but mainly he/she!

He's a bioengineering dork.

She's a specialized medical facility!

She doesn't really care much about the great problem, and thus has a lot of hobbies. He knitted her own scarf!

She has a lot of friends, even outside of the local group. He's incredibly close with Chasing Wind.

He's a mid-gen iterator, (Ages being: LTTM, SRS, SOS, CW, NSH, UI, FP), so his emotional AI is a lot more advanced than Suns' (there's quite a gap between the two, Suns is closer to Moon in terms of age).

She considers Hunter to be her daughter, Hunter calls him her dadmom and Moon her mom.

He tends to bury these emotions down for the sake of others, which leads to...bad situations.

She's terrified of being alone :)

Sig just gives me gender fucky-wucky vibes. Her pronouns are the/bit and he's committed to it. There's not really a basis for this in canon but it just fits his personality of being pretty laid back and goofy when not in um. emotional distress. Also the accessorizing to his puppet (ie the scarf) makes me think he likes to experiment with her appearance and presentation. To add on to this in the streamer au she goes by any pronouns and is pretty androgynous, so none of his followers can tell his AGAB, and its funny to him to watch the chat argue about it. (He's AFAB, tbh I can't see her as anything else). No one can guess his sexuality either, the only "confirmed" thing seems to be polyamourous, but other than that it's "whatever makes it gay", or "whatever pisses you off most".

Sig obviously has a knack for bioengineering, as he was the one who started investigating the idea of using purposed messengers to stay in contact with others once the comms degraded, not to mention the creation of the slag reset keys. Yes this is my incoming rant of "Sig is not bad at making slugcats", since sometimes people tend to act like "Sig didn't follow Suns' instructions" or something like that, and that's why Hunter is sick. There are MULTIPLE points in their conversations where it's outright stated that Sig was the one who did it first:

Sig was the one who showed Suns the process:

SRS: I purposed a messenger, and sent the information by land via a data pearl. NSH: How original of you. SRS: I learned from the best.

Sig clearly has experiences with messengers, and Spearmaster happens before Sig begins working on Hunter:

NSH: I feel like I need to be simplifying my speech patterns. Is that something you do when conversing with your messenger?

SUNS SAYS "ANOTHER" MESSENGER, AND THEN LATER SIG SAYS "ANOTHER MESSENGER" AS WELL. SIG HAS MADE MESSENGERS BEFORE:

SRS: Do you suppose you'll ever raise another messenger?

NSH: I'm tempted to start work on raising another messenger as a last ditch effort, but to be honest I don't think there is any point.

And then, in her reply, she says, "*I* started investigating the method".

NSH: If the need arises, I certainly would. After all, I started investigating the method out of the inevitability of our situation.

And just to nail it down that Sig was the one who purposed them first, the gossip between Wandering Omen and Pleading Intellect:

PI: You haven't heard about what No Significant Harassment did? WO: All I heard was the complaining. Didn't he send an iterator something distasteful? PI: Well, yes, but more importantly, he trained a purposed organism to deliver it!

WO: How do you even get a dull creature such as that to follow orders? I may consider asking him to teach me his ways.

So yes, Sig was the one to purpose the messengers first. She had already made at least one in the past, to send the "distasteful message" to someone. I'd honestly say he probably made more between that/before, to test the efficacy and also just to mess around with the process.

This leads into my next headcanon: Sig was a specialized medical facility! Five Pebbles mentions to Hunter that "I was not a medical facility even when the equipment was functioning," so I believe that there were some more specialized iterators built. Sig's knowledge of bioengineering could be an indication of this specialization, not to mention it fits with him not really caring about the great problem to the same degree as everyone else. Purely headcanon after this point, but when Sig was first built, Moon was very nervous about getting a new model of "specialized" iterator that she wouldn't be able to help train as well! Moon was a more generalized iterator as she was older, so she does have knowledge about medicine and bioengineering, as all iterators did for the health and growth of her city, but nothing to the degree Sig would need. Thankfully, iterators are fucking supercomputers, so its not like Sig needed much "training" in the way of that, but still. Moon wanted to be a good mentor to her! And she very much was, considering how Sig turned out. That's why they ended up so close.

After the mass ascension, he became the resident "doctor" of the local group. Pointing back to the slag reset keys, Sig seems to have shoved as many as he could into that thing, since Pebbles reacts to the amount of them with surprise, so he knows his way around iterator biology. In pure headcanon mode now, when they develop my tangible projections thing (which Sig and Moon were heavily involved in), it meant that she could actually help others by preforming repairs on their puppets, and even their structures by sending her overseer into them. Moon's inspectors enjoy head pats from her whenever he's passing by.

Her being a medical facility also means she doesn't give as much thought to finding the Triple Affirmative as others. His processing power was delegated more towards finding cures, aiding the sick, and engineering better production techniques for medical equipment and such. His city is also highly accessible and optimized for the disabled and elderly. When you're a medical facility, your goal is more to keep people alive than perma-kill them! I mostly get this headcanon from the fact that when Suns is faced with "what to do" other than solve the great problem, they respond with "What else CAN we do? You're stuck in your can, and at any moment you have no more than two alternatives: Do nothing, or work like you're supposed to.". Meanwhile, Sig responds to Suns' question about purposing another messenger with "There's nothing better for me to do with my time, though.". Not to mention, he was already purposing messengers before this, so she certainly wasn't dedicating all of her time to iterating the great problem! Of course, he probably did iterate on it, just not to the degree his peers did. He also jokes about it in that broadcast where Wind is telling everyone about erratic pulse, saying "Haha with the slimers, lizards and etceteras? Surely the answer was in a lizard skull all along!" so it really seems like he doesn't take it very seriously.

Her disinterest in solving the problem led to her developing a wide range of hobbies. He's an iterator after all, they probably get horrifically bored if they're not doing something! She taught herself to knit (telling his citizens it helped her focus so they would provide her with needles and yarn), and eventually learns to make garments as well. I headcanon he plays video games too, especially with Chasing Wind, mostly just because she probably wanted to see if an iterator could run Doom for the lolz. Probably also trolls in the group chats sometimes, considering the "distasteful pearl", and I think her being being NGI ("No Great Ideas") would be funny as hell. This also makes it pretty obvious why I made the streamer au, Sig's a top level player for multiple FPS games and has won some pretty prestigious awards in esports tournaments. And then she goes home and plays Hollow Knight randomizers with Pebbles in a maid outfit.

Sig's personality also lent itself to having a lot of friends. Her and Chasing Wind were built less than 50 cycles apart (Wind is older), so they're practically attached at the hip. Wind isn't in her local group (He's in Sliver's), but they're still very close. It's not really explored much in canon since we really only see her interact with Suns for the most part, but given her personality, I don't think it'd be a far off assumption for him to have lots of friends. Because she's younger, she also has a more sophisticated emotional AI...which can be detrimental at times, but is helpful when it comes to maintaining friendships!

AHAH So here comes the um. SAD portion of the rant lol. I feel like Sig buries her emotions down a lot, for the sake of others. In her conversations with Suns, we do see him get snappy with him, but for the most part he remains either calm or sympathetic, at the most a bit pessimistic towards the end. When she finally does call Suns out for their bullshit, he (presumably) stops replying to Suns for a short time before apologizing and continuing to talk to them.

SRS: I'm in noticing you are becoming more defensive. This obviously wasn't the end result I was aiming for, you know. SRS: Please respond to my messages. I don't want to leave it like this. I need someone to talk to. NSH: I don't mean to be cold, I'm just very worried.

After this interaction, Sig seems to either just reply with facts/possibly explanations for Moon/Pebbles' actions, or completely changing the subject to Suns' messenger, which then leads to the broadcast where Suns is telling her all the ways they modified their messenger to sneak past Sig's overseers, by not giving them the mark and hiding the pearl, we see Sig's replies become very short, single sentence answers.

This to me reads as slightly passive aggressive, but Suns doesn't seem to pick up on it. To be honest I in my head I hear this as Sig hissing this shit through clenched teeth if he could, but it's just text so I suppose we'll never know.

Additionally, he still does let his emotions overwhelm her at points, (such as during the "Your plan was a complete failure" broadcast), but the most blatant is probably in the messages she sends to Moon and Pebbles.

Starting with the Pebbles one:

NSH: Five Pebbles, I will say once again. You need to stop. Immediately. NSH: I know you are going to trash this message like the rest, but... NSH: I hope eventually when you are out of this state of mind you will look back at these. NSH: Look back and reflect on all the regrets you've set yourself up to have.

Sig is angry. Like he shows no sympathy for him, and just hopes he wallows in regret for the rest of his life. She does express his dislike of Pebbles while talking to Suns as well, but manages to still be nice by saying "I think a lot of us were like that in the beginning.", and such, and then drops the subject by the next broadcast by talking about Suns' messenger. He only ever talks about Moon's condition, likely to keep himself from being a dick about Pebbles in front of Suns because talking directly about him is obviously pretty touchy. But this broadcast is straight up mean. She doesn't manage to hold back her emotions but to be honest? I don't think he actually cares, if he burns that bridge with Pebbles then fine, because Pebbles burned it first.

Pebbles took away one of the few friends he still had in this dying world.

I really and truly believe that Sig's biggest fear is being alone. She makes the slugcats as a way to keep in contact with others after the comms arrays degrade. After being snappy with Suns, she immediately backtracks, apologizes, and keeps talking to them, even if it hurts. His messages to Moon also emphasize this:

NSH: Moon? Moon, are you able to communicate?

NSH: Moon? It's me again.

NSH: I need to talk to you. I need to know you're okay.

The fact that we are provided two of these broadcasts and not just one seems to point to the idea that these are not the only two Sig sent. "It's me again." There is more desperation in her tone compared to the messages he shares with Suns, possibly because he's more comfortable expressing his profound distress with Moon because they're closer. A part of me headcanons she...never stopped sending messages. He needs to know she's okay. You can even find a green overseer in outer expanse and subterranean, locked out of the facility but still searching, still looking for any sign of Moon...or Hunter.

When Sig sends Hunter to Moon, the pearl he sends is goofy and lighthearted. He doesn't want to bring her down when she's already suffering enough. It's short, and sweet, because anything longer would probably devolve into something unpleasant. She's holding the words on that pearl together with tape and glue. Once again, hiding the pure grief he feels for the sake of others.

I also think that's why Hunter is sick. Once again, pure headcanon, but Sig mentions this on the pearl:

Excuse the unorthodox delivery method, equipment eroding etc etc.

I kinda interpret this as Sig pushing herself too hard to make Hunter in time to save Moon, and in turn, irreversibly damaging himself in the process. An emergency shutdown occurred after he ignores the 50th pressure warning his systems desperately tried to get her to pay attention to, causing Hunter to become sick thanks to the sudden disruption in his concentration, much like Pebbles and the rot. This is also why no other messengers were sent after this, Sig simply couldn't make any more that were healthy. She loved Hunter, and I fully believe that, as Hunter's last vision in the void sea was to return to his arms. Continuing the pure headcanons now, but he treats Hunter like a daughter and knits her a scarf for her journey. She tells Hunter that Moon is her mom. She gives Hunter a name, which were held in very high regard in ancient culture, a gift so she can at least be remembered for her sacrifice: "Hunting the Stars, Moon's Savior."

All and all, Sig is desperately trying to delay the inevitable, watching the walls of loneliness close in as she loses contact with friends, slowly encroaching on her until he's locked up in a box. Alone.

HOWEVER!

I for one, absolutely adore the goofy, flirty personality the fandom gives Sig. I really do believe when he isn't in extreme emotional distress, she is like that. The motherfucker uses tildes in his texts and teases Suns and makes jokes about slimers and lizards. I just like peeling apart the little snippets we see of him, which are mostly at pretty low moments unfortunately, and just seeing what I can extrapolate from that. Even if some of my headcanons are far-fetched and shit, I do at least try to keep most of them at least slightly in character with some explanation.

I hope you enjoyed my unhinged rant about my favorite guy!!!! I put this in google docs and its literally like, 2.4k words, I could genuinely have turned this in to one of my fucking college courses LMFAO. It's probably better than some of the garbage I DID turn in tbh. If you want more I am totally happy to provide, cuz I could make a whole OTHER ramble about Hunter that's just as long LMAOOOO

(Oh also none of this applies to rot au Sig. that freak deserves her own post bc at this point he's 50% oc and 50% No Significant Harassment Rain World LOL)

[melokaji]

autistic coding in fruits basket

Intro

I am autistic, and I tend to get attached to media that I feel represented by. Perhaps that is why I gravitate so strongly to Furuba. While I don’t think it was intentional on Natsuki Takaya’s part, I do think she did a wonderful job of coincidentally creating characters that feel like they are on the spectrum. The name Fruits Basket and the allegory it’s referring to actually mirrors that of an autistic person in a way. I remember reading the background behind “Fruits Basket” and Tohru’s precious mascot, the onigiri, as well as watching the scene describing it in the anime. It immediately resonated with me.

From being singled out as the only one to not fit in the fruit basket, to not realizing that that isolation was teasing, this embodies my autistic experience so seamlessly. An onigiri who doesn't go in a fruit basket.

Tohru

While I'd like to touch on a few other characters as well, I'll keep the theme of Tohru's autistic coding and start with one of Takaya's answers to an interview question, pictured in the Official Cat Fanbook.

A unique personality and perspective paired with hyper-empathy are qualities carried by many autistic individuals, including myself! There have been many studies linking both lower levels of empathy as well as contrastingly overwhelming levels of empathy in autistic people, such as what Tohru displays. Another fun tidbit, is that we also tend to have more empathy towards animals, which in the context of Furuba makes sense haha ^^

I've seen people argue about Tohru's polite language not being related to autism because it originated from her trying to help her mom who was grieving over Katsuya, but aside from the fact that linguistic differences like more verbose and complex are indeed a trait of autism so is echolalia and mimicry of other's speech patterns!

Here is a diagram of panels featuring Tohru that display autistic traits, in my opinion (If you have issues with quality, please use this link)

While these are brief instances, I thought it would be fun to compile some of my favorites! It may seem like I am grasping at straws, but I just want to give some more overt context to how I feel she displays traits of autism. If you're interested in more elaboration on Tohru's potential autism, I recommend reading @threeshadesofanime 's post titled "Tohru is Autistic", or @/TalesOfTetra 's thread on twitter titled "Tohru Honda And Her Autistic Traits".

Hanajima

The second character I am focusing on is Saki Hanajima, one of Tohru's best friends and also another one of the (in my opinion) most autistic coded characters in Furuba. Though her personality contrasts Tohru's, she undoubtedly shares some of the same traits. Hanajima's powers in themself almost seem like a metaphor for autism. This was pointed out originally by @kdreader02 and I found myself thinking the same thing when I first read it. Hearing everyone's "waves" and loud voices almost seems like overstimulation or sensory overload that many autistic people experience. This scene encapsulates that perfectly, in my opinion

Here are my favorite autistic coded panels of Hanajima's! (If you have issues with quality, please use this link)

Others While I focused on Tohru and Hanajima, many other characters in Furuba have subtle coding to them, whether it be autistic or other neurodiversities. Haru has some autistic coding, Machi seems very OCD coded, etc. etc. Give me your honest opinions please! Do you agree with my interpretation of these characters?

[queer-whatchamacallit]

So I decided I was going to rewatch The Bear and take notes, partly bc autism and partly bc I want more interesting details for fics and just to get to know the characters even better

(Also, I’ve been curious about what makes Carmy blow up vs what makes him dissociate)

So here’s some things I noticed that you could also pick apart like I have here

Carmy has his apron on in the dream, maybe it’s just because that’s what he’s been wearing pretty much all the time for the past couple weeks or because his work is so tied with his family (w/ bears as symbolism for that) but idk

Him waking up on a random counter in The Beef confirms my headcanon that he falls asleep in weird places OR he fell asleep in the office and sleepwalked there

In this ep, any imagery or mention of Michael is pretty much always tied to religious imagery

Carmy calls her Sugar and him Mike, I’m always inclined to have him say Mikey instead but I don’t think he ever does. Also, Fak calls Carm Bear :]

“What’s UPS?” Is the first in a long string of times where someone tries to talk about something other than the kitchen, and it just doesn’t click with Carm

Syd’s “I know who you are” and Carmy’s “Yeah?” and he just listens to her completely riveted is so funny to me. Tell this man you know he was the CDC at one of the best restaurants in the United States of America and it’s like saying “walk” to a dog

Carm’s “I’m saying something >:[,” starts the classic Berzatto dilemma of no one listening to each other but wanting to be listened to

Reminder that Syd can speak Spanish :D

Richie talks about their “Italian heritage” and later says abt the labels “this is the most Polish shit ever,” which show how close he fits in with the Berzattos and his dislike of his bio family (Jerimovich is Polish right.?)

Richie talks about putting his family back together and him not coming home, and Carmy instantly dissociates

Him asking “Why didn’t he leave it to you then?” Not like a comeback, but a genuine question gets me every time

Carmy’s not good with words, so while this is something that just makes fun dialogue, in universe, it’s interesting to see how often his responses are parroted (ex: Marcus’ “that shit was straight up fire” and Carm’s “Straight up done now Chef”)

When it’s work time, it’s work time. When Fak stops looking at Ballbreaker to mention that he wasn’t able to go to the funeral but he sent flowers, Carm just says he wasn’t there either and swiftly changes the subject back to work

The three siblings and Richie all have gold necklaces. When Sugar shows up, I don’t know if hers was one of the matching ones, and I couldn’t figure out what the charm was on it

Tina says “Why doesn’t your sister come around here anymore?” Implying that she used to. I also feel like T wouldn’t have asked if Sugar stopped coming when she moved out and didn’t have to do what her mom told her to. Maybe Mikey kicked Sugar out of the restaurant too, but she wasn’t too bothered by it

Unlike with Richie, when Nat calls him out on not saying hello, just trying to get work done, he listens, and he slows down. Richie feels like his space in the family is shaky, so he’ll take a lot more shit from them while Nat won’t. She inherited a temper, just like her brothers, I feel like she’s in therapy and likely tackled how to stand up for herself when her family was treating her like shit, and she’s the “normal” middle child between a loud older brother and a worrying little brother, so she probably had to fight for her family’s attention at every turn

Nat mentions their mom and Carm’s eye contact instantly breaks, and it seems like he has to remind himself to breathe

His stutter shows up when arguing that he doesn’t want Jimmy to buy it

Carm’s “I’m gonna fix this place” vs Sug’s “No one’s asking you to” just hits so hard for some reason

When Carm tries to flee back inside, she uses “I love you,” like it’s an argument to keep him from throwing himself back into the restaurant or as a reminder that there’s people out there who want him to be doing well when she thinks the restaurant is hurting him

Sweeps is more of a background character but omg he just quietly looks out for everyone :] (he made sure Syd got to try Carm’s beef recipe :]]]])

Fak was also close with Mikey. I don’t know why I imagine Fak as being not quite as close with everyone as Richie, but they came to Christmas too, edit: Fak’s “but it got fuckin dark at the end” showed that he too knew something was up when Carm didn’t

Carm very much gives off the vibe of being allergic to cats, but I’m going to ignore that and squeeze in my headcanon that he loves Fak’s cats, Ralph and they love him

Richie’s dialogue is such a fun juxtaposition of him trying to feel superior to whoever he’s arguing with with large vocabulary and overconfidence but often falling back into vulgar insults because that’s what he knows best. Also, later in the ep he talks about “up in Napa” with the foie gras and shit to mock Carmy, but Napa isn’t up from them, it’s in California

Richie says “You have no fuckin idea what you’re doing here” and it’s like a switch, Carmy’s comebacks and annoyance with Richie stop, and he’s completely dissociated again. Richie shoves cans of spaghetti sauce into his arms and slaps at his face to steady him because he can probably tell something’s not right with him, but he just ends up leaving him to it

One of the Berzattos main love languages is physical touch via back and shoulder pats

And finally, Carm tosses the can of spaghetti sauce which I’m saying is because he just needs them to fucking listen and trust him when he’s saying no more spaghetti but there’s probably also some kind of Michael significance there too

Edit: I think I just had the realization that family stuff is what makes him dissociate while work stuff tends to make him panic and snap at people. It makes sense, snapping at his family would only escalate things and dissociating separates him from something he’s expected to fix. And Claire is kinda off in her category but falls under the panic response

So yeah!!

That’s pretty much what I got from 1x01 - System

I don’t know when or if I’ll do more of these, but this was so much fun, literally love dissecting these sad little goobers

[luxxtuxx]

Could you do headcanons for MGHP with an s/o that has a service dog? And having to deal with ppl being shitty and trying to get the dog’s attention and petting it and stuff?

(Love ur writing!!)

Funky Headcanon time :)

Im going to assume you mean Miles, Gwen, Hobie, And Pavitr. If I'm wrong dm me or send me this again with the right names and I will get it right for you my friend :D

~~~~

Backstory: You Have Major Anxiety (Causing You To Often Have Panic Attacks Out Of Nowhere) And You Have Autism And Need Deep Compression Therapy. You have a husky service dog to help you and if it gets bad. Your dog is fully trained, But some people just can't listen or respect the rules of service animals

Miles:

He tries to first explain to them that what they are doing is dangerous to you. One Karen couldn't get it through her head and kept telling you to let her son pet the dog. Miles gently stopped the boy and explained to the boy that when a dog has a vest on like that to not disrupt it. He didn't get mad when the boy asked why he just explained "You know when Spiderman has his mask on and he is protecting us?" the kid nods. Miles smiles "When a doggy has a vest like that, it's like that person's personal spider man and needs to help them." The little boy makes an 'OOH' noise and then asked "And the puppy beats up villains?" Miles chuckles "Kind of, they have villains on the inside and the puppy stops the villains from hurting them." the little boy nods "So I should not pet doggies in vests because they need to be like Spiderman" Miles nods "Yeah you got it little man" the Boy went to his mom "We no Pet Spider Puppies!" he cheered sweetly

Hobie:

He was not as gentle When the kid tried to pet your husky. he simply picked up the child "OI, Don't touch the dog mate" he set the child down. When the child started screaming and its mother ran over screaming at you for 'Being such an entitled little bitch for not letting a little kid pet a dog.' Hobie starts arguing with the women. You start panicking, You lay down and tap the top of your chest rapidly and say "Pressure" to tell your service dog what was happening, it immediately laid on your chest grounding you. He points to you and said "that's why your kid can't pet the mutt If it was getting pets from your grubby tike it would have maybe caused her to have a full-blown fuckin' panic attack" The Karen storms off her son

Gwen:

She picked up the child "Hey little man, let's not pet the puppy okay?" The boy pouts "But my mommy said I could!" gwen hums "Does your mommy own the puppy?" he paused "Well nooo, BUT I WANNA PET IT" He yelled. Gwen looked at him "But you could hurt someone or yourself, And we don't want that right?" He shook his head no. "What if next time you wanna pet a puppy, you ask the person walking the puppy so we make sure everyone stays safe" The boy nods and runs off. Soon he came back with his mom, and she seemed pissed "DID YOU SAY MY DOG COULDNT PET THE DOG?" Gwen stood up handing you her ice cream cone. "Yes, I did. It's a service dog, It's not meant to be played with" She crossed her arm at the Karen. The Karen started whistling and snapping her fingers trying to get the dog's attention. Luckily the dog wasn't working that second and was more focused on her pup cup. Gwen started whistling and snapping in the karens face "You don't like that, do you? Then don't do it to that dog." The Karen storms off pissed off.

Pavitr:

He was so sweet about it, *Sob* He told the boy about how when a puppy is working it's like a police officer. He asked the boy if would he want to distract a police officer, and the boy shook his head, no, Pavi smiles at him "Then don't distract a puppy in a vest. Think of it this way, if you see something in a vest like that don't distract it" The boy nods and when his mom came to yell at him, Pavi smiles "You can communicate your feelings like a normal being without screaming at someone. So you can calm down and talk to us normally or this conversation is over" When she didn't calm down Pavitr just took you and the husky and walked away not fighting people today

[jitterbugjive]

So Maybe I Do Have Autism

Firstly, I have been trying to sleep for the past 3 hours with no luck, so I've given up for now and decided to do this now instead of later. I have some old behavioral notes from various counselors, some from school and one a more general counselor, and they point out a lot of behaviors that really just scream 'autism' to me and my friends who have it. If I was born the male sex I very likely would have been diagnosed with it. I censored out my dead name but the pronouns are still female since I didn't come out as trans until my 20s.

Warning, some of the language used in these notes can be a bit outdated or even ableist because these notes mostly come from the 90s.

So this is all Kindergarten to first grade and there's one main thing I want to point out about my 'argumentative' behavior. I actually remember arguing with people as being my way of having fun or hanging out, hence why this girl I was not supposed to play with that I was always fighting with registered in my head as my "best friend". She argued with me a lot, therefor spent a lot of time with me, therefor liked being with me, and thus had to be my best friend.

Also to note is that I found math and writing easy, which is kind of funny because it remained that way all the way into highschool where I would generally excel in math and literature and they were my favorite academic classes.

Next ones are in the third grade:

I want to remind people how stressful Christmas used to be for me. It makes perfect sense that my behavior would dip significantly after Christmas break. I would have come back from a situation with a lot of yelling, chaos, and abuse.

The older I got, the less kids wanted to be around me because they became more aware of my odd and 'annoying' behavior. It got harder and harder for me to understand other kids because they were more complex and confusing, and I found myself getting along better with much younger kids because they were easier to understand.

Next are observations my mom provided to the counselors when trying to get me an ADHD diagnosis. At this point I was 8 years old.

Lastly are notes from when I sought out counseling when I was 17, this was after being in special ed for a long time which was a better environment for me overall.

It's funny I said I have "never hurt myself", because what I thought of as hurting myself was things like cutting. I didn't think that hitting or biting myself counted as hurting myself, and I didn't want them to think I was suicidal.

I also want to add a couple of stories that add to this from my memory. I remember in 5th grade I was finally placed in special ed, and I had to go on a smaller bus that had teenagers because of that. And those teenagers scared me and were kind of mean. So one day I read a book at the school library and checked it out because one page had what I thought was a pretty scary dragon head on the spread. And when I went on the bus, I pulled up the book and held that page over my face at the teenagers to scare them, and they of course reacted mock scared and were making fun of me. But at the time, I thought they were legitimately scared because I was super bad with sarcasm.

Another time, I can't remember how old but in elementary school, I put on a shitty wig to pretend I was someone else, hoping no one would recognize me and therefor stopping the bullying. Obviously that didn't work.

Sooooo yeeeaah, I dunno about you but this really comes off to me as autism and not just ADHD. I'm fairly sure I have both, to be honest.

Thoughts would be appreciated. I'll probably bring these up with my therapist, though I'm not seeking a diagnosis any more because it would probably make things more difficult for me.

[ndcultureis]

Having a hard time regulating your emotions culture (cant tell if this is an autism thing or ADHD thing or both or maybe something else) is arguing with your mom and feeling your throat tighten so much. It’s just an argument about getting schoolwork done on time why is my body responding as if someone just died?? Also it hurts it hurts so so much it’s hard to breathe I want to stop talking and spend a good 10 minutes just breathing so I can stop feeling like I’m suffocating but also I’m in the middle of an argument and my mom would think I’m weird for doing that

.

[msweebyness]

Miraculous Second Gen- School for Monstrous Youths (My Characters)

Hey, ya’ll! These are the first set of kids from the Monstrous Youths AU! I figured I’d let Artzy post the kids for their OC couples on their own time! Enjoy! @artzychic27 @imsparky2002

Polycule:

Emma:

Voodoo Doll/Human Hybrid, Adrinette

She/Her

Age 15

As clumsy as her (bio) mom

Still has a ton of energy, but must be more careful due to voodoo powers

Struggles with some OCD

Influencer for monster-made products

Louie:

Vampire/Dragon Hybrid, Lukagami

He/Him

Age 14

Can see people’s auras

Musician like his (bio) dad, super mellow

Struggles with hoarding like his bio mom

Kinda the family therapist

Hugo:

Voodoo Doll/Vampire Hybrid, Lukanette

He/Him

Age 10

Emerging Himbo still

Wants to play sports, but can’t do contact due to voodoo powers

Sometimes forgets about said powers

Loves going bat mode

Best friends with Hector

Alison:

Dragon/Human Hybrid, Adrigami

She/Her

Age 6

Only hoards items that symbolize significant memories

As stoic as Kagami

Intelligent for her age but doesn’t talk much

Scariest dragon glare ever

Alyno:

Cecily “CeCe”:

Ghost/Stein Hybrid

She/Her

Age 16

Super driven, like her mom

Has a bit of a problem with remembering to knock before phasing through a door

Runs a monster activism news site

Always arguing with her brother

Loses track of her limbs often

Cody:

Ghost/Stein Hybrid

He/Him

Age 16

Gives off ectoplasmic static when excited

Really chill, but does meditation to help with anxiety

Plays the keyboard, and writes a comic series about a group of hybrid monster spies

Really wants to ask June out

Julerose:

Marek:

Vampire/Angel Hybrid, Bio Mom Juleka with a donor

He/They

Age 17

Incredibly shy like Jules, but has a love for all things cute

Flying helps him calm down

Learning guitar from his uncle

Will stab someone who threatens their loved ones

Dating Vicki

Myvan:

Juniper “June”:

Plant Monster/Yeti Hybrid

She/Her

Age 16

Mega blunt like her father, but with her mom’s caring demeanor

Has a fierce yeti temper and WILL throw rocks

RBF for days

Activist for the environment and monster rights

Gets tangled in her vines

Wants to ask Cody out but nerves are a thing

Hector:

Plant Monster/Yeti Hybrid

He/Him

Age 10

Gentle giant like his dad

Speaks too quiet to hear most of the time

Loves working with plants and animals

Fidgets with his vines when nervous

Best friends with Hugo

NathMarc:

Elicia:

Moth Creature/Werecat Hybrid, Bio Dad Marc with a surrogate

She/Her

Age 17

Sassiest lil missy, must be the werecat genes

A very talented sculptor

High-functioning autism, limited emotional expression

Spooks at loud noises, like Marc

Has a crush on Destiny

Kimdine:

Victoria “Vicki”:

Aquatic Monster/Werewolf Hybrid

She/Her

Age 17

Has the energy of three people

Fastest swimmer in the region, and a track and field star

Models for Mari’s fashion label, has a good number of fans

Herbo, but like, book-smart

Dating Marek

Nicolette “Nikki”:

Aquatic Monster/Werewolf Hybrid

She/Her

Age 13

Much more subdued and reserved than her fam

Voice of reason mixed with deadpan snarker

Really tech savvy, makes her own software

Really fast swimmer like her sister, and super agile

Besties with River

Alix:

River:

Manticore, Adopted at 1

They/Them

Age 13

Snarkiest lil shit, it’s why they and Nikki get along

Daredevil like their mama, they do extreme sports together

Really smart, makes top grades

Wonders about their birth parents sometimes, but loves Alix and wouldn’t trade being with her

Has to be careful with their tail spines

Breckvie:

Destiny:

Centaur/Siren Hybrid

She/Her

Age 17

Only one of the three with the power of siren song

Loves to sing but has to be careful with her powers

Proper lady like her mama, manners are impeccable

Sweetest girl alive, takes care of people out of instinct

Has a crush on Elicia

Reagan:

Centaur/Siren Hybrid

She/Her

Age 12

Only one with the full lower body of a horse

School’s sprinting champ

Herbo™️

Crazy good cook, big Kronk vibes

Daddy’s Girl

Milo:

Centaur/Siren Hybrid

He/Him

Age 9

Wants to be a vet, adopts random animals

Ray of sunshine 24/7

Has hooves and wings, and a good singer

Very perceptive for his age

Jessthony:

Warren:

Daemon, Adopted at 3

He/They

Age 15

Super shy, but has a quiet snarkiness

Mari’s design protégé, fashion sense is on point

Always fidgeting, usually has stim toys

Starting a foundation for abandoned daemon kids like himself and his Dad

Leave your thoughts in the comments and reblogs! Enjoy the monster kiddies!

[pumpkinrootbeer]

This could differ from person to person but I do believe that at the start, Evan genuinely just wanted to help the Murphys and wasn’t sure how to do that other than to lie and he felt trapped by his situation (for lack of a better word) and that was sort of influenced by what Jared said to him (“you’re seriously gonna tell them all they have left of their dead son is a weird sex letter you wrote?”), though of course I’m not trying to say Jared like, did that maliciously. As time went on, particularly in Act 2, Evan did start to act out selfishly and trying to use his lie with the Murphys as a means to get what he wants rather than actually helping them. I really like your posts analyzing them, honestly Evan and Jared’s dynamic is so interesting, and at the end of the day they’re both just like. Awful teenagers. They need couple’s counseling or something

i absolutely get you, and like you said they're just awful teenagers!! they're kids who are going through so much and have no support, they're going to do stupid shitty things. and of course you're absolutely free to your interpretations!! no shame in interpreting media differently then me :) that's the joy of fandom! And thank you!!! i have really enjoyed rambling abt these losers I love them so much <3

Also you've activated my autism beam and now i get to talk Abt my interpretations even more hahaha my perfect victory.

So first thing, yes! I 100% agree that Evan did want to help the Murphys and try and alleviate some of their pain at the start. But there's a shift at some point throughout the play where it's less about helping them and more about helping Evan, which I think most people agree on that at some point Evan's interests shift to being more self centered— it's just a matter of when that change occurs that people disagree on.

I'm of the opinion that the change happens, or at the very least starts to happen, very early on. I would say the moment Evan's motivations start to shift is when he says the line "They didn't want me to stop." while talking with Jared (and I am going to talk about my interpretation of Jared because I have so much to say about that freak 😭). This is the moment, for me, Evan realizes he's getting positive attention for lying. And that maybe he kind of likes it.

And I've said this in my other posts, but Evan isn't admitting to himself that that's why he's doing this! I don't think he's even aware of why he's really doing this. When he says he's doing it for the Murphys, he genuinely believes that.

The moment where I think he's 100% doing it for himself, even though he doesn't realize it, is Disappear. Because Connor's memory is already forgotten and they are parading this fake version of him around, a fake version of Connor that makes Evan look better and one that is actively causing real Connor to get forgotten faster. And Evan admits in the song that it's also because he doesn't want to be forgotten, which is not this horrible awful thing to feel! Evan isn't a bad person because he doesn't want to be invisible. I don't think Evan is a bad person at all!! What he does that's bad is hijack this tragedy for himself, a thing that again, he doesn't even realize he's doing.

i would definitely agree with you that by act 2, everything is mostly for himself. Cue the "It's not my fault other people can" line. Which I would argue is probably the cruelest thing Evan says in that entire show 😭, and then we get Good for You where Evan realizes things are starting to fall apart and that Alana isn't completely unaware and Evan's hurt her and his mom cares so much and has been so hurt by what Evan has done and that Jared isn't going to always be at his beck and call to write more emails whenever Evan needs him to, and that he's also been hurt by Evan's actions. Probably the most important song in the whole musical tbh. And THEN we get Words Fail where Evan just finally has to come to terms with why he's been doing everything, and it's also such a crucial moment for Evan's character Words Fail baby I love youuuuu.

So yeah! I agree that Evan started out with pure intentions, felt trapped, and then ended up finally feeling seen. He's a complicated character that I think gets watered down to a one dimensional poor anxious bean too much, it does a HUGE disservice to his character. I love canon Evan my perfect asshole son WAAAYYY more than fanon Evan did nothing wrong ever he's too anxious to hurt anyone.

With Jared, I actually think one of the most interesting things about him is that line!! Why does he tell Evan to not come clean? He has nothing to gain from it, he isn't even using the lie to get closer to Evan yet because the lie doesn't really exist! And you can't even argue that he's trying to sabotage Evan in this moment because there's nothing to suggest Jared ever actively tries to ruin Evan's life.

Sure, he says he would if he had that letter but nothing in the show suggests that's something Jared would do. He keeps Evan's lie for him the entire show, even when he has no reason too. Jared had cause and means to ruin Evan's life, but chooses not to again and again. So I'd definitely agree that he's not acting with malintent.

How I read that line, and obviously people are free to disagree, is concern. He is genuinely worried about Evan here and what Evan telling the Murphys will do to Evan. It's not even self preservation because he has nothing to do with this yet!

And because Jared is... well Jared, him looking out for Evan is telling him not to come clean! Nod and confirm, boys. Nod and confirm. Like it's this really imperfect, messy answers right? Because he's a teenager whose go to answer is not telling people shit about what's going on with him. Like, so many of Jared's problems would be solved if he knew how to talk to people, like "Hey Ev you're my only friend and you inventing a fake friend who is your best friend kinda sucks and hurts my feelings. Also this thing you're doing is weird and selfish xoxo love Jared." But he can't say that, because he's well. he's Jared.

And then he just offers to write these emails for Evan, and then continuously tries to do shit for Evan in the second act when Evan wants fuck all to do with him it's literally insane how Jared acts. "I can't do any more emails this weekend I have to hang out with my REAL friends 🙄🙄" to immediately "wait I can help with the project please please involve me in your life" like the lie isn't really holding up there Jared 🤨🤨 and then the invite for Evan to come over and drink and just shoot the shit with him he's clearly so desperate for his friend but he's also such an asshole he had to constantly push Evan away at the same time 😭😭😭😭 OHHHH I love them.

[faraway-sunshine]

Wow, kinda late for the diagnosis.

I got the diagnosis when i was 7, but my mom said even that’s late. I heard that autism related “illnesses” diagnose at 3-4 years old. I guess symptoms are obvious even then.

And the stuff you told about your experience in school due to that? Very relatable.

When i was in primary school, i was, i guess, the weird kid everybody hates. Too emotional, strange sense of humor, “strange” interests, didn’t fit in with others and etc. That definitely didn’t help me, so i was bullied not only by the kids, but also by the teacher that taught the class, because i genuinely didnt like her. She was mean, strict, couldn’t teach us good and she was overall not so likeable. When i was hiding out whenever i felt hurt or when i was just too overwhelmed with work, she would tell me to get back up, because i acted like a toddler.

Also i argued with her all the time, because everytime she did something i deemed unjustified, i would “stand up” for the others and argue with her. Of course it didn’t help, but it felt good knowing i was the one who “defended” the class from her.

I also recently got a call from my ex friend from primary and he said he wants to continue talking and stuff. He ignored my calls for two years. When i asked him why he ignored me, he answered with “you was kinda weird in primary, but it seems thats not the case anymore”. Btw, he was the only reason i even had the strength to go to the school. I hung on him after that.

I also didnt even tell nobody i had aspergers, bcz i didnt thought its a big of a deal, so i was targeted just for being weird. How lucky of me..

Also i left out some (many) details because frankly im kinda embarrassed i was even like this, and the stuff i did is even more embarrassing, but you get the general idea

God. I relate maybe too strongly to this. Even though I had my friends, I didn't always. And I've had a few teachers that are pushy like that too.

And I remember a little from when I was at kindergarten at another school and all of that happened with no respite.

I hope you're doing better these days and have better people to surround yourself with.

(Thursday 14th September, 2000, 6:24 PM)