#This is so valid and understandable and Okay to be feeling
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McLaren hat / OP81
Summary: Oscar x girlfriend!reader - You never realised how much pressure would come from simply being a Formula 1 WAG, and start to go a little bonkers with all the PR.
Warnings: I don't remember if Abu Dhabi was hot this season (probably like wasn't at all) but just pretend it was okay?, stress, kind of low self image, anxiety, taking great lengths just to feel accepted
Requested?: No
"Hey Y/n- whoa." As soon as Oscar looks up from his phone at you, his eyes widen and his eyebrows shoot up.
You watch as he looks you over, and immediately say, "Does it look alright?"
"Does it look alright?!" Oscar asks, standing up right away to be in front of you. "Y/n, you look gorgeous." He steps closer, taking your hands, looking at your tight, short black dress, leather boots, and (of course) the McLaren hat upon your head.
"You sure?"
"What do you mean, 'you sure?'?! Of course I'm sure!" he says with a little smile, his eyes returning back to your gaze. "But what made you decide to dress like a model today, anyway?"
You smile softly, glancing away, feeling comforted by his validation, before saying with a little shrug, "I don't know. Just felt like it." Most of the time, you just wear casual clothes: a McLaren shirt and hat, white jeans, and maybe sunglasses. So you can get how Oscar would be so shocked. You suppose you just weren't expecting this much of a reaction.
He brushes your cheek, saying, "You did your makeup differently, too, didn't you?"
"Yeah... is it too much?"
"Not at all. It's bold, but I like it."
You nod with a little relieved sigh. "You sure?"
He nods confidently. "Positive."
"Oh, good," another little smile creeps up on your face. "That's good to hear. Well, I guess I should leave you to your duties now, Oscar. See you later!" you begin to turn around to leave, but he suddenly grabs your hand to pull you back.
He gives you a quick kiss on your cheek and mutters, "Have fun, beautiful," before letting go of your hand again and letting you walk off.
"Oh! Oscar! Don't you think I would look pretty in this...?" you ask excitedly, tugging his hand, holding up a top on a clothes hanger. It's been two hours already of you dragging Oscar from store to store, buying and trying on clothes, simply because you wanted to apparently 'get more nice clothes to wear to F1 races,' and Oscar hasn't had the heart yet to suggest finishing up.
"Hm? Oh, yeah, I think you would..." he says, a bit distant, before snapping back into it and saying, "But red's not really your color. Not that you don't look good in it. You look good in everything you wear. I'm just saying-"
"No, no, I get it... I just remember Alex wearing something like this..."
"Alex?" Oscar asks, confused. "Alex who?"
"Oh, you know. Alexandra," when he just proceeds to look even more confused, you add, "Charles's girlfriend?"
"Oh..." Oscar nods as he realizes who you're even talking about, and shrugs, before saying after a few seconds, a bit confused, "Well, of course she'd be wearing red. She's Ferrari."
You crinkle your nose. "Do you really expect me to wear bright orange, Oscar?"
He snorts and says, "No. All I'm saying is that maybe she just wears red for Ferrari. I don't know, I'm not paying attention to her. I only pay attention to you, and though I think you look beautiful in red or not, either way, all I'm saying is that it's just not your color. Besides, you told me to be honest at the beginning of all this. I'm just trying to do what you want me to do. But in then end, I don't really care what you wear; you look amazing either way."
You frown, and suddenly groan, "I wish I looked good in red!"
Oscar smiles, still a bit confused at this complaint. "Why?" he asks earnestly.
You shrug, glancing back down at the shirt. "I dunno. Because Alex looks so good in red."
Oscar cocks his head a bit, apparently still not really understanding. "Who cares what Alexandra looks good in? Because I certainly don't."
You sigh, getting a bit exasperated. "I don't know! I guess I'm just trying to look pretty on the paddock, but I look sucky in all the lovely styles that everyone else always wears!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Oscar says, his hand immediately going to your shoulder. "First of all, you never, ever look sucky, no matter what you're wearing. Second of all, in my opinion, you're always the prettiest in the paddock, no matter who's there. And third of all, who says you have to wear the styles everybody else is wearing? I think your current style is perfectly lovely and fine and beautiful, but even if you do want to change it up, you can find your own. Or invent your own. You don't have to copy Alexandra, or whoever else."
But you only hear half of what he's really saying, and register nearly none of it, and the moment he stops talking, you hold up yet another red top (that honestly doesn't really look that different to Oscar), and say, "How about this one? It's a different shade," holding it up to yourself.
Realizing that this really isn't a battle he's going to win, Oscar just sighs, smiles, and nods, saying, "Actually, yeah. I like the fit would be good. And this color suits you a bit more, too." To him, it looks like the exact same color.
You grin, seeming much more pleased, "Oh, good! Can I go try it on?"
Oscar sigh a bit, smiling and shaking his head, murmuring, "M-hm, sounds good. Can't wait to see it on you, beautiful."
As you walk off to the changing room, Oscar thinks he hears you murmur something about how 'maybe you should just go more for Carmen's style.' Oscar's eyebrows just scrunch together at that, and as he sits down outside the changing rooms to wait for you to come show him, all he can think is, Maybe that's just the way girls are, and I really don't understand them after all.
The excitement of having some of the prettiest girls in the paddock complimenting your outfits is almost too much. The girls that you admire so much.
The ones that handle the fame and attention so well.
You feel like you're already doing better with all that stuff. Once you're convinced you look good, which usually takes at least a half hour of switching outfits, at least twenty reassurances from Oscar, and at least one outside person complimenting your appearance, you feel like a different person.
Like you could conquer the world!
Well, Oscar's not a very sensitive person, nor overly perceptive. It doesn't bother him that you seem to be a bit preoccupied. Not really. Sure, there are some times he wishes you were around when you're not, like you used to be, but he doesn't take it personally. He wants the best for you. And if the best of you is to distance yourself a bit in order to find yourself, or whatever you're doing, he trusts you. As long as you keep saying there's nothing wrong, and you're all good, he'll keep being the first person to believe it.
He just keeps sort of ignoring his intuition telling him that something is just off. Because you're not just growing. It's almost as if you're changing into a new person. Not the girl he asked out years ago. Not the girl he's fallen in love with. On the outside, on the paddock, in public, with all the cameras on you, you seem like the bubbly, friendly perfect type of girl with everything all right. You've never really been that type. Of course, you've always been happy, and to him, you're just perfect. But you've never been so camera hungry and extroverted like you seem to be now. You seem so confident in yourself, it almost seems fake. Though Oscar would never dare consider that thought anymore. It's just that in private, you seem to be the polar opposite of that: tired, quiet, let down. It's like the balanced girl he knew that was consistent nearly all the time has just switched to opposite extremes in different situations. And, well, Oscar has no idea why. He'd be lying if he were to say he wasn't concerned.
But he also can't see any way it'd be right to bring it up.
He just kind of misses the way it used to be. The way you used to be.
"Oscar!" his thoughts are suddenly interrupted by your voice and your footsteps entering the room. It's the early morning before he has to head to the paddock to begin the last race weekend of the season, and he's been laying in bed on his phone for a few minutes, waiting for you to get out of the hotel bathroom so he can have a quick shower.
"Yes?" Oscar asks, setting his phone down as you enter the room. You enter the room to show him your clothes, feeling slightly nervous, and unsure, like countless times before.
You twirl in your outfit, which consists of a white strapless top, dress pants, and black high heels. "How do I look?"
This has been going on for months, now. Probably about half the season. And in that moment, it just kind of snaps in Oscar's brain, and without thinking, and without being supportive like he always is, he decides that today, he's going to be honest. "Well, you look gorgeous. As always, of course, Y/n." He sits up and slips off the bed, before continuing practically, "But how thick are those pants? It's supposed to be killer hot today, and I'd hate for you to cook in those. I mean, they do make you look killer hot. They do look nice. And the high heels are lovely, but you always talk about how much your feet hurt after wearing those. Especially out on the paddock? And," he adds, reaching you, so he's nice and close to you, before picking up his McLaren cap off the hotel nightstand and sticking it on your head, "When did you stop wearing this hat, hm? I always thought you looked adorable in it."
You stare at each other for a few seconds, as if neither of you were expecting all that to come out of Oscar's mouth.
But what happens next is about the last thing Oscar would expect.
You take the hat off your head, throw it at his feet, turn on your heel, and walk straight out of that hotel room.
It all happens so fast, Oscar doesn't even have a moment to register what just happened and call you back before the door shuts behind you.
Ten unread messages from Oscar, and you don't even know why you're so mad, but the last thing you want to do right now is see him.
The first thing you want to do is think through it. Convince yourself he's wrong, and you're right.
He wants me to be a certain way for some reason, and it bothers him that I'm becoming who I want to be? So he just likes an ordinary girl with ordinary looks and ordinary fashion and an ordinary personality?
The truth is, you have no idea why he'd want that more than what you're trying to be.
Maybe he's just controlling? He just wants control over what you wear and how you act? But for the years you've dated him, he's never displayed qualities like those.
Then what is it? your brain screams, and for some reason, tears begin to fill your eyes.
And that's when a whisper of a thought dares to say, Doesn't Oscar want the best for you?
Is doing all this really the best for you?
But all the PR and popularity with fans it's brought you... it's so... validating.
But also so exhausting.
And when you come home at the end of the day, don't you want nothing more than to just take that mask off and destroy it?
You know how fake it is. It's like you work every day to make your mask become your face, but that will never happen, and that's painful.
You were happier before, but your outward 'success' was, like, close to nothing.
Do you really want this?
Can you even give up now?
With all the validation from the fans and media?
Maybe Oscar was a bit much today in the hotel. He was. But maybe he had a point, too...
It's like you can't stop. You keep it up for the rest of the weekend, even to Oscar, now, pretending everything is okay, and it's too much.
But you can't stop.
At the end of the weekend, though, after it's all said and done and you've had enough and all you want is to go to sleep and let your dreams sweep you away, everything in you wants to break down.
You need to be alone.
You need to be alone so you can finally be real.
And, of course, when you walk into the hotel room, there Oscar is, sitting by the window.
Just looking out of it.
"What are you doing?" you demand in slight confusion.
You see him look at you in the reflection of the glass. He doesn't even turn around.
Is this all I am now? Merely a reflection in the glass of the person I was to him?
"Looking out the window, and you?"
"That's all?"
He nods, before finally glancing back at you. Showing you his real, handsome face.
It's late, so late.
He just won his driver's championship, and all you want to do is fall apart.
Why isn't he more happy?
Probably just tired.
And here you are, with your nerve, saying, "Oscar, would you mind leaving?"
You see his eyes flash in confusion in the glass. Fear, even, maybe for just a second. He stands up and faces you, his hands going to your shoulders. "Leaving?"
"Just for... a bit."
"Why?" he demands.
"I need some alone time."
He stares, his eyes softening further, before murmuring, "Since when have you ever asked me for that? How many times have we been alone together?"
"Aren't I allowed some privacy, Oscar?"
"Isn't your whole life privacy, by now, Y/n?" It's not an accusation. It's a desperate question, that you have no answer to.
Because you don't want to say yes, but you can't say no. "Please, Osc..." you murmur, trying to keep it together. "I need this time."
"Darling..." he whispers, like a silent prayer.
Your stomach lurches. Why is he calling me that?
Doesn't he only talk like that when he needs me?
"Oscar, listen..."
"Please..." he whispers. "Let it go. At least for me. Don't you see this isn't good for you?"
"Oscar, I-" your voice cracks.
He sighs. "We don't have to talk. We don't have to lay together, or sit together, or be next to each other. We could be on completely opposite sides of the room as each other." He gulps, before adding, "Just let us be alone together. Like we used to always be, when it hurt, and we needed alone time, but we knew we'd both always be there when the other needed it. It's starting to feel so lonely out here without you, darling..." he stroke your cheek gently.
You gulp, fighting back tears.
"Take off those shoes, go put on your pajamas. Just relax, beautiful. Let your cover fall. I don't ever want to forget the you you are without it."
"Do you want me to cry?"
"Never."
"Then why-"
"Because I'd rather you cry if you need to than hold it in and let it rot the inside of you, love."
Love.
"That's the first time you've ever called me that..." you murmur as you slowly lean against the bed to slip off your shoes.
He smiles softly, which surprises you.
You quickly slip on pajamas, before crawling into bed, and murmuring, despite yourself, "Can you come over?"
And in seconds, Oscar's crawling into bed next to you, tucking the two of you in.
"Hold me."
"It's my pleasure," he responds softly, gently pulling you into his chest.
You lay there like that for a while, before whispering, your voice so weak, "Oh, God, Oscar... I'm so, so tired."
"I know you are, darling. I know." He kisses the tops of your head.
Your voice cracks a bit, and this time, you let the tear fall. "I just... I just felt like maybe I should've... been more like them. I'll admit it, I got jealous."
Oscar strokes your hair.
You swallow. More tears fall. "I just guess I felt like I wasn't good enough, but they all were."
"Good enough for what?"
You stare, the question lingering like a germ in the air. "For the media. For the fans. For every single person watching me every single race weekend."
He kisses your nose. "Pressure got to you. Did you ever feel like you weren't good enough for yourself?"
You swallow, shrugging. Nod a bit.
He sighs softly, nodding. Takes your hand and begins whispering, "I want you to know. You're worthy of every single kiss, every single hug, every single sigh, every single tear. You're worthy of every single star in the sky, every single drop in the ocean. You're worthy of laughter and sunshine and so, so much love. You're worthy of..." Oscar trails off, suddenly feeling an unexpected wave of emotion hit himself, before he gains his grip once more again and continues with, in merely a soft whisper, "You're worthy of all the joy and goodness in with world. And you'd know that if you knew how much joy and goodness you project into the world, without even trying, without even thinking about it." He swallows to keep his voice from cracking, and finishes with, "Please know, no matter what happens, or whatever anyone says, I'll always love you for who you are. I'll always be here to be your home. I want you for everything you are, and nothing that you feel you've ought to be. Because to me, you're perfect just the way you are. That is the kind of worth you have, and I wish you could see that, too."
The moment the last beautiful whisper of a word exits his mouth, you break down, fall into him, and cry. And he whispers about wiping away every single one of your tears, because you deserve none of the pain you're going through.
The fact that you've done all this, and brought it on yourself, and hurt him, and he stills says this.
Once your tears have subsided, Oscar smiles a bit, looking into your eyes like you're the most beautiful sunrise, or sparkling dew fresh in the morning, or the glimmer of the sun on the ocean, or any other beautiful thing that could fascinate even the coldest of people. And he whispers, wiping away the last of your stray tears, "Dress for no one but yourself, love. Be who you are. Because whatever you want to wear, you'll stun me. And I love you for exactly the person you are, nt the person you feel you ought to be. Whether you're in an evening gown with the most beautifully done makeup, or in your pajamas with tangled up hair, to me, you'll always, no matter what, be the most gorgeous, amazing, beautiful, perfect woman I have ever set my eyes upon."
Your breath catches in your throat. "Oscar, you..." You're utterly speechless.
He holds you close, and for the first time in months, you feel a certain peace envelop you.
You feel like you're home again.
Maybe all you needed was a good cry and the most perfect boyfriend any girl could ask for.
As your exhausted body gives itself away to slumber you hear Oscar murmur after gently kissing your scalp, "Can't wait to see you in my McLaren hat again, darling."
And you fall asleep with a smile on your face.
#sports-on-sundays#op81#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri x reader#mclaren#op81 fluff#oscar piastri fluff#oscar piastri angst#op81 imagine#op81 x reader#op81 mcl#op81 fic#oscar piastri x y/n#oscar piastri x yn#f1#f1 fan fiction#f1 fic#f1 fics#f1 fanfic#f1 2024#f1 blurb#f1 drivers#formula 1 one shot#mclaren formula 1#formula one fic#formula one fanfiction#formula 1 fanfic
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BODY DYSMORPHIA
REQUEST: billie being rrly worried about r eating problems?
a/n: before we get into the fic, i just want to remind everyone that your struggles are valid. i understand where you're coming from and i promise you, you're perfect just as you are, inside and out. you don't need to be slim to be beautiful. that's just society's and men's messed up standards. this is just one of many serious & important topics and i want you to know that my messages are always open if you need to vent, talk, or simply have someone listen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
pairings - concernedgf!billie x insecure!reader
genre - angst, fluff, suggestive
synopsis: struggling with body image and online criticism, you find comfort as billie lovingly supports you and helps you confront your insecurities with understanding and care.
tw: heavy mentions of body dysmorphia & an eating disorder.
word count: 1.1K
you don't have to change you're perfect the way you are
⟡
she's a pretty girl without the filter she looks beautiful with no makeup on
⋆。゚☁︎。⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆
"How about In-N-Out?"
Wide grins spread across everyone's faces as they nod in agreement, then turn to you, waiting for your response. Your gaze shifts to Finneas in the driver’s seat, then to Claudia in the passenger seat, before skimming over Alex and Zoe on your right, and finally landing on Billie—your girlfriend—seated to your left.
"Oh, uh, I'll actually just skip. I already ate, so I'm full," you say with a casual shrug.
"You sure you don't want something for later?" Billie asks, a soft chuckle escaping her lips as she lightly squeezes your knee. "I know you. You always say you're not hungry, then an hour later, you're begging me to get you something to eat."
You force a smile, shaking your head. "I'm sure."
During the drive to the fast-food joint, you pull out your phone, your lips pressing into a tight frown as you scroll through the comments left by Billie’s fans on her most recent post—some cruel and cutting, others trying to defend you.
quenxbillie4life: what an ugly fatass bitch prob js a gold digger ↳ ronniel0vesbils: do u even KNOW billie? she's struggled sm with body image. have u heard not my responsibility? u have no right to say that abt her gf.
billieeilishnoticeme69: BIG BACK BIG BACK BIG BACK
billybiggestfan: elephants don't deserve to date global stars like billy ↳ ronniel0vesbils: lmao didn't even spell her name right u fake fan😭
billiespitonme: @ronniel0vesbils is legit fighting for her life out here LMFAO
The harsh words sting, and though the supportive replies are there, they feel drowned out by the negativity. You glance out the car window, trying to shake the ache in your chest, but the comments linger like a shadow.
You try to conceal your exhaustion, but it’s hard to ignore the countless nights spent sobbing, curled up with your knees to your chest, rocking back and forth as you desperately pray to wake up with a model’s body the next day.
But it never happens. And each passing day only deepens the growing hatred you feel toward yourself.
Why would Billie ever choose someone like you?
She’s one of the most ethereal-looking women on the planet, effortlessly breathtaking in a way that leaves you in awe. She never seems to have a bad moment, always stunning. Yet somehow, out of everyone, she chose you.
You sit silently, watching everyone enjoy their burgers and sip on their drinks, all the while wishing the ground would open up and swallow you whole. Deep down, you’ve convinced yourself that you’re not even worthy of a good meal—that starving yourself is just the price you have to pay to lose weight.
Your eyes drop to your hands resting in your lap, fingers fidgeting with your nails as a quiet sigh escapes. Slumping further into the seat, you tune out the lively conversations and laughter of your friends, letting the background noise blur into nothingness.
"You okay, baby?"
The gentle voice snaps you out of your thoughts. You hear the jingle of keys being tossed onto the coffee table, followed by soft footsteps padding across the wooden floor. Billie appears in the doorway, leaning against the frame with concern etched across her face. "You were acting a little weird today."
You glance away, offering only a small nod in response, but Billie isn’t convinced. She crosses the room and sits beside you, the mattress dipping under her weight as she exhales softly. Her ring-clad hand comes to rest lightly on your knee.
"You sure?" she presses, her voice tender. "You usually never say no to burgers."
A bitter chuckle slips out before you can stop it, the comment twisting into an unintentional jab at yourself. Are you really such a glutton that even Billie notices the sudden change? The thought stings.
"Yeah," you mutter, your tone tinged with self-deprecation. "That just might be the issue." You roll your eyes at your typical eating habits, the words dripping with sarcasm and frustration.
Billie’s brows knit together, a faint crease forming on her forehead as she shifts closer, tilting her head thoughtfully. “Ah,” she murmurs, her lips pressing into a thin line. “I get it, love. I know how you feel—I’ve been through it.”
Her hand moves up to your arm, fingers tracing gentle, soothing patterns across your skin. “I want you to know I’m here for you. Always. You’re not alone in this, and you never will be.” Her voice is soft but firm, her words wrapping around you like a warm embrace.
“Anything you ever want to tell me, I’m listening. And,” she adds, a small, playful smile tugging at the corner of her mouth, “you can’t be stressing your pretty little head about all this without me being involved, got it?”
Your lips curl into a soft smile, but the harsh, critical thoughts about your appearance still linger, refusing to be silenced.
Billie notices the unease in your expression. Her hand gives your arm a gentle squeeze before she guides you down onto the bed, your back pressing against the sheets and your head cradled by a pillow.
For a moment, your mind races. Really? Sex? Does she think a distraction like this will actually help right now?
Still, you push the thought aside, watching as Billie moves with quiet determination. Her fingers deftly unbutton your jeans, sliding them down your legs and tossing them onto the floor. She shifts her focus to your torso, carefully slipping your shirt over your head, leaving you in just your bra and underwear.
Instinctively, your hands fly to your stomach, trying to cover yourself. Even though Billie has seen you naked countless times, the habit of hiding feels ingrained—an automatic response to the insecurities clawing at you.
Billie is quick to pin your hands gently to your sides, her soft yet firm grip keeping them in place. Her lips brush against your jaw, leaving a trail of warmth as she moves down to your neck, collarbone, and then licks a slow, deliberate stripe down the valley of your breasts.
"Pretty fucking girl," she murmurs, her voice low and filled with adoration. A quiet groan escapes her lips as she shifts lower, her hands gliding across your skin, mapping every inch and curve with reverent care.
"I love you," she says, her words muffled as she presses her lips tenderly against your belly button. "So fucking much, angel. You’re perfect."
Her hands drift to your thighs, squeezing them gently before she peppers a trail of featherlight kisses along their length. “I love every curve, every inch of this gorgeous body,” she whispers, her tone steady and unwavering, as if daring your insecurities to challenge her conviction.
"And that's never, ever going to change."
#Spotify#billie eilish#billie eilish x you#billie eilish fluff#billie eilish angst#billie eilish x fem reader#billie eilish x y/n#billie eilish fic#billie x reader#lesbian#billie eilish fanfiction#hit me hard and soft#billie eilish x reader
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My girlfriend and I have been together for a while and I’ve just introduced to my feedism fetish. She’s up for exploring things, but doesn’t understand how a woman can feel sexy being big/fat (especially as society tells us that slim is sexy).
What is it about getting big that makes you feel sexy/confident?
i’m not really sure how to answer this, tbh. i’ve always been more comfortable being fat than at any lighter weight.
but let me try to answer!
i think, as you get bigger, it’s a chance to let go of that constant pressure from “society.” sure, it’s not something you can completely separate yourself from (as you can’t not participate in society if you’re a functioning person), but you can finally explore yourself—do things for yourself, forget that presence yelling you to be skinny—because it truly doesn’t matter.
part of it is finding yourself attractive and not looking for validation from outside sources. when the ideal of being skinny finally doesn’t matter, you have time for finding out you want to look like, what styles suit you, how you enjoy dressing, what foods you prefer and make you happy. you happen to live in the most bountiful point of time on earth. so much goes to waste, it would be a crime not to enjoy yourself.
there’s no judgement worse than your own, and if you’re the type that’s constantly worried about your weight, having a chance to indulge yourself is AMAZING. it’s the release that’s finally made me able to feel “sexy,” to finally have that confidence i lacked 100lbs ago. that and knowing my ancestors that endured decades of famine are cheering me on with every bite 🥰
i’ve never felt better or been more confident than at 300lbs!
that being said—getting fat asf is NOT everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay! feedism is the chance to finally let yourself indulge in these hedonistic things society tells you will make you fat and ugly. because, obviously, that’s a lie and you’re your own person. if you gain a few lbs and decide that’s enough, that’s totally fine! it’s not the end of the world, and if anything, you will be better off because you know yourself better.
#and just remember that ‘feedism’ is another construct#there are no rules to follow#or any way you’re SUPPOSED to feel about yourself#just feel it out! enjoy yourself naturally! don’t exert any pressure#find love in indulging yourself and these decadent pleasures :)))#talk#ask#also fun fact on my mom’s side my great great grandfather had a thing for big ladies apparently#my gma described her grandmother as wider than she was tall lol. in the 50s#society’s expectations don’t mean shit if you’re secure in yourself
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Moss has some shit to say.
CW: Stalking, harassment, bullying, PTSD, mental health.
**This is a long post**
Hello everyone!
First, I want to express how incredibly grateful I am for this community. It brings me so much joy to see all the diverse playstyles, aesthetics, stories, and endless creativity that fill this amazing space.
However, not all my experiences here have been entirely positive. In fact, I have both witnessed and experienced harm from this community, and it has made me feel hesitant about being here at all.
I want to address it:
Stalking, harassing, and bullying someone simply because you don’t like the content they post is not okay. In fact, it's really weird.
Everyone deserves to have a positive and safe experience here. It’s essential to set and protect your personal boundaries online, especially if there are topics that are particularly sensitive or triggering for you.
Here are some ways to take care of yourself in this online space that DON'T include bullying, shaming, or punishing someone for their storytelling decisions:
Unfollow the person
If disengaging from someone who’s causing you distress is what you need, do it! You don’t owe anyone an explanation when it comes to prioritizing your own well-being.
Block the person
If blocking someone feels like a safer option for you, go ahead. You can do this quietly and respectfully, without resorting to cruelty, harassment, or public shaming.
It’s also important to remember that if certain content triggers past trauma for you, it’s not the fault of the person posting it (especially if they have clear content warnings). Your trauma is valid, and your need for safety is valid. But bullying someone who’s not responsible for your trauma is not okay, not healthy, and not productive. I know that this type of thing is often fear-driven, so I say this as delicately as possible. 🖤 We do not always behave rationally when something triggers our PTSD.
Filter out specific tags/post content.
If there are tags you’d rather not see, you can use the “Filtered Tags” section in your settings to filter them out. You can also add someone’s username to the “Filtered Post Content” section in your settings.
Use browser extensions to help you manage your feed.
I don’t personally have experience with this, but as far as I am aware, there are browser extensions available that can further help you customize what kind of content you are exposed to on Tumblr. If you suffer from PTSD, this might useful in general when online, not just for this platform.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:
Storytelling is a powerful tool for addressing difficult subject matter, and it always has been. Telling stories is a fundamental part of being human, and it’s important to remember that just because someone includes something problematic in their story doesn’t mean they endorse it in real life. In fact, we need stories that tackle problematic issues specifically so that we can portray them as harmful. Fiction has always been an essential tool for reinforcing & shaping societal understanding of right and wrong (mythology exists for a reason).
It’s completely okay if there are certain things you don’t want to read about or be exposed to on Tumblr! Here in the Sims community, storytellers can and should label their posts with clear content warnings, both in their tags and at the beginning of their posts.
Readers who are concerned about triggering content can take steps to protect themselves, while also understanding that those who post content related to difficult topics are not responsible for the trauma you may have experienced in your past.
If someone is actively advocating for real-life harm or prejudice through their stories, that’s a completely different issue and should not be tolerated or supported.
However, it’s important to understand the difference. (I.e., I've never seen anyone accuse Stephen King of being a real-life axe-murderer).
I have PTSD myself, and I appreciate clear content warnings on story posts. They give me the ability to decide whether I feel able to engage with certain topics on any given day, because my tolerance fluctuates, as is normal for someone with PTSD.
However, I would never attack or harass someone for writing content that touches on themes related to my trauma, as I am mature enough to recognize that the person sharing their story has absolutely nothing to do with the harm I may have experienced in my past.
Your emotional well-being is important, and your trauma is valid. But fixating on, stalking, and harassing someone because of something they’ve posted in their story is not okay at all.
Also please understand that someone writing darker material could in fact be subconsciously processing their own personal trauma, whether they realize it or not. You don't have to read it, but you also don't have to be cruel about it.
Ultimately, if someone’s content is upsetting for you, the best thing to do is disengage and move on.
Obsessing over the person and attempting to harm them or jeapordize their ability to be in this community is wrong (and it certainly won't help you heal, either). There is a big difference between causing real-world harm to an actual person (such as harrassing inviduals in the simblr community) vs someone causing fake harm to fake pixel people for ficticious reasons.
I'm begging people to understand that distinction.
This does NOT mean you are obligated to tolerate things that make you uncomfortable by any means, and this post is NOT a defense of any kind of violence, harm, or prejudice.
There are ways for us to make this a safe space for ourselves and others without resorting to harrassment, public humiliation, or mob-mentality, etc.
Sometimes people make mistakes and unintentionally cause harm, and the resulting pain is real and valid on both sides. For those who are committed to fostering a culture of accountability & healing—rather than focusing on punishment, shame, and canceling—I highly recommend reading On Cancel Culture, Accountability, and Transformative Justice (a brief excerpt from adrienne maree brown's We Will Not Cancel Us). This excerpt is a must-read for anyone who chooses to spend a lot of time in online spaces!
Luckily, most people here seem really wonderful and my experience thus far in this community has definitely been far more positive than not. I hope to stick around.
Anyways, I will probably panic and delete this later. 😅
Thanks for reading my rant. I promise I'll get back to posting silly sims stuff now, but I felt that I needed to get this out there.
Edited to add: if anyone feels like they want to block or unfollow me for whatever reason after reading this, I respect your decision. 😊Do what's right for you, I don't get offended by that sort of thing.
-Moss
#cw: stalking#cw: ptsd#cw: bullying#cw: mental health#moss muses#delete later#long post#simblr#sims community#the sims community#ts3 community
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hot take about silco x vander that no one asked for
okay so it's 3:25 am and i spent too much time in pinterest comment sections so now i have Thoughts and y'all are gonna hear it (this is mostly spoiler free even for s1 but it won't make much sense unless you've watched arcane so go wATCH IT if you haven't). so there were a bunch of posts shipping Silco and Vander and in the comments people were really pissed coz they're said to think of each other as brothers.
TLDR: They did not grow up as brothers, they think of each other as such, and those thoughts can change over time or evolve without it being incestuous (with nuance), and of course it could stay the same too.
and I have a bunch of things to say, starting with for one, some folks were legitimately confused because they thought silco and vander were biological siblings. so, first off, let's get that clarified, they're definitely not. they weren't adopted or step siblings either. they met in their early adulthood, i believe, in the mines.
i'm gonna continue below the cut coz this is gonna be looooong.
now, the thing is, silco and vander explicitly state that they were each other's brothers and/or call each other brother. why? there could be multiple reasons for that. one, that's how they saw each other. they were as close as brothers and they saw each other as family. two, in the sense of being brothers in arms, fighting together against a common cause that brought them closer. three, they felt affection for each other and that was the closest term they knew to describe it. or something else.
and like, i do not mess with found family, that shit is sacred. if someone told me my brother isn't actually my brother because we didn't grow up together or share blood, i would happily punch them in the throat.
HOWEVER, Silco and Vander are fictional characters. so if someone headcanons that their relationship changed, and evolved, that's not disrespectful or incestuous. it just means the person believes that how they saw each other changed. or maybe they didn't realise how it was that they felt for each other. or any number of other things.
and hey listen when i was a teenager in two of my long-term relationships, i thought at the start that what i felt was platonic love. i'd literally call them my brother. because that was the way i knew to describe the intensity of my affection. i was figuring shit out, and then i realised that what i felt was romantic, and not platonic or familial.
does that make it incestuous? well i fucking hope not. i was a queer greyace teen trying to figure out what the fuck i was feeling.
and that's not even toUCHING the surface of queerplatonic feelings. like i had no vocabulary to describe that for most of my life. it was clearcut in my head--romantic, or platonic. and if platonic was very intense, then sibling. that was the only way i knew how to describe it.
and that's changed over the years and now i know a little bit better how i feel, and i have platonic feelings that aren't siblingy, platonic feelings that are very much siblingy, platonic feelings that aren't siblingy but familial anyway like that for a parent, and romantic feelings also of various shades.
but back then, i didn't have that vocabulary and distinctions and self-awareness. and it's entirely plausible for someone to headcanon that maybe Silco and Vander didn't either. maybe people ship them and hc that they had feelings for each other and didn't understand them, that could be romantic or queerplatonic. or had feelings for each other that were familial, but that evolved in a different way later (or in the AU). both of which ARE LEGITIMATE INTERPRETATIONS OF A FICTIONAL RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT IT BEING INCESTUOUS.
anyway so it's entirely chill if you don't ship them but it's also entirely chill if you do. the issue is when you attack people for interpreting a fictional relationship in their own entirely valid way and call it weird or incestuous and attack them as people for their ship. just let people be sigh.
so that's my unnecessarily intense take at--jesus christ it's nearly 4 am. :)
#arcane#zaundads#silco#vander#silco x vander#arcane ships#cw ship discourse#weirdly specific but ok#asmi
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MOLY COW THATS A RRALLY GOOD TAKE (in the taggsss)
Envy isn't a meal.
a short, simple comic.
#Jealousy#This is so valid and understandable and Okay to be feeling#I feel it#Really good content creators feel it#Everyone feels it#And I gotta say#This hunger?#Has to be one of the shittiest experiences out there#Keep pushing on as much as you can or take a break and just chill if u need to#Whatever you do will and can be appreciated by an audience that will come across it and love the hell out of it#Is it going to satisfy that hunger?#Prolly not#But do your best to have fun with what you're doin#Try to avoid the numbers (this is massively difficult)#Clears my throat cos I kind of went on a massive rant in my previous reblonk :pensive:#But like.
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my capacity to see a bad fandom take and just blithely say 'okay! I disagree' internally and move on because it's not my responsibility or concern that someone else thinks that has leveled up so tremendously over the years. I haven't quite escaped the pit of misery yet but I think I'm getting there
#the ability to say to oneself 'it's okay if you don't agree with me'#(and possibly adding a quiet bitchy 'I can't force you to be right' at the end if you're annoyed enough lol)#at seeing a bad take without ever internalizing it any deeper than that... indispensible.#if someone is really unpleasantly vitriolic or reactive about it I'll just block and move on. and never think about them again#a gift for me and for them I'm sure! but as long as people are being civil I'm getting pretty good at just going 'alright.#I think you're wrong but it's your prerogative to think that. away from me preferably but still'#when I was younger I always felt like a more negative take must be more valid/see something I didn't but over time (and a lot of therapy)#that kneejerk self-doubt is a lot easier to get through. sometimes. people are wrong! to me and my experience. and that's alright#if nothing else understand your own limitations in ever changing someone's mind for them and let it go lol#when I feel the real badfeels at a shitty take now I know it's just because I'm tired and threadbare and need to sleep haha#sometimes mental health progress is sooooo... boring and low-key but also brings so much relief#like doing admin work up here. *sees something so dumb I feel dizzy* file that shit under 'not my problem' and move on chief
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Dear silm fandom, concerning Fandom meta. Might be provocative for some.
‘The silm fandom is misogynistic’ ‘Feanorian fans are misunderstanding the characters’ ‘Silm fans hate Elwing�� And so on.
Can we stop? Your opinions are not better if you like feanorians. Your opinions are not better if you like peredhil. This is not black and white. I won’t argue ‘not all silm fans’, because I recognise that we have problems. But condescension will not fix them. Thank you.
#Okay#I tried to keep this post as neutral and concise as I could#Because I’m having a lot of thoughts about it#and I’m going to get very opinionated in the tags.#I am sick of feeling hated by online strangers because they think I’m a misogynist#or they think I haven’t read the text#Or they think I’m not as clever#not as understanding as they are#Yes#I am fifteen.#Maybe you do understand the text more than me.#or maybe we both have valid opinions and you can stop telling me I belong in a category that isn’t mine.#I like celegorm#i accept that Celegorm has done vile things#i am still compelled by his character#I am not fucking reading him wrong#I am trying so hard to read him right#People will say ‘I am a feanorian stan but-‘ and proceed to insult all feanorian stans#Be nice#please stop acting all high and mighty#and I get it! It’s hard!#it’s hard to have opinions and be kind about them#Because not everyone’s opinions are the same#But for god’s sake you better think so hard about what you’re saying before you post it#because you sound like you are ignoring fandom discourse and the concept of ‘morally grey’ because of woke#And I know the very things I’m saying are exactly what I’m trying to stop#But I would like some counter-representation out there#I would like some honest conversation that doesn’t involve immediate side-taking#Tags:#mine
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listen. I understand why the public has reacted the way it has to the death of a CEO that genuinely hurt millions of people with his policies. I understand this. and trust me, I also understand the irony of the lack of gun control leading to "One Of Them" suffering for it. I just don't think we should be gleeful about gun violence as soon as it purportedly benefits us. I don't expect many people to agree with me but I think it is in situations like these where I think it most important to demonstrate integrity and stick to one's convictions
#brian thompson#I'm not saying this to make people feel bad#i understand where this is coming from#it's a valid reaction to have when healthcare in this country is so inaccessible#and so many people needlessly suffer#but I've already seen multiple people say things like ''gun violence is okay when you kill a ceo''#and i know it's a joke#but i also know that the line between someone saying something ironically and then believing it#is a very thin one#and I'll say it#I'll be the one to say it#i personally don't think gun violence is a solution#even when it's in the hands of (assumed) leftists#and if the suspect does turn out to have a leftist agenda#that is leftist EXTREMISM#again i must reiterate#you should not feel forced to feel sympathy for brian thompson#but take a step back and actually sit with how you are personally reacting to what is inarguably gun violence
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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not me openly admitting that shade lowkey takes after me. this was not intentional, I swear. uwu; she kinda just... ended up with an extra dose of who I am as a person, whereas most of my original characters receive much less.
I realized this when considering that shade is most likely homo leaning. and I was like, haha she's just like me ! an enby ace lesbian... and then the similarities just kept getting drawn. idk maybe I'm just overly tired.
also like. not gonna apologize ? she really isn't a self-insert. but its also like... creators are allowed to put themselves into what they make ! and I'm proud of shade, I really am. so I won't be made ashamed for traits we might share.
#《 ° puffin.exe 》 im a puffin ! i dont do much#° mobile post !#° to be deleted !#tbh i dont know hoe people get off accusing people of making self inserts in the rpc like#how do you know ?? unless i explicitly state or draw comparisons ??#and why would i do that if my intent is to fool people ? like.#i understand that interacting with inserts can be uncomfortable. i do !#but unless you really know the person ? you arent in a place to say their characters are inserts#and tbh i feel like most of my discomfort comes from the prospect of being deceived#im okay with writing with inserts but im gonna draw boundaries#especially if youre writing them with the intent to live through them / fantasize.#while I think its valid its not something i am personally comfortable with. i dont consent to that as an rp partner.#but im also envisioning the worst possibility in which its someone getting off to how i interact with their oc#point being. to my mind. self inserts arent bad. they also arent easy to judge.#and even if i dont consent to interacting with an insert for the purpose of being wank material or emotional stimulus...#people could still use my content for wank or emotional stimulus by putting themselves in the shoes of whoever im writing with so#am i really one to judge? no. because again. i dont know.#and i honestly think anyone who can come out and say their oc is an insert or takes after them is#more trustworthy than someone who doesnt disclose it. idk just. there is no need for deception.#and if you do try to deceive me im gonna assume you have ill intent#whereas honesty is something that should be valued. especially in cases where the truth is so stigmatized.
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I’m so annoyed 🙃
#going through bit of a friendship breakup#this friend asked me if i still want to be their friend#and i was honest and said that it probably wont work anymore#for the sake of my mental health and theirs#and that was like 24 hours ago and they still haven’t responded#i understand that they want to process this but man#but nothing?? not even a ’okay i need to think’ when they first told me that me not saying stuff makes them sad glkfkfkf#and the ’me not saying anything’ was a misunderstanding so#i feel like they’re doing the good ol silent treatment and then come back from it blaming me#for not writing a ten page essay about why i cant do this friendship anymore#when i already gave them a valid reasoning???
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.
#if I've made anyone uncomfortable with the things I've been posting the last few days that was in fact the point and fully intended#and I don't say that to be cruel but simply to drive home the point that fandom spaces can be both safe and hostile at the same time#it is a deeply uncomfortable thing to acknowledge and I know most people do no want to deal with that and I understand that truly#but it was important to me to acknowledge and to give my opinion so that's what I did#At the same time none of this changes my opinion on my ship or the fact that I love a certain character other people find problematic#and I am fine with people finding that problematic because I am human being I am problematic by default#and I am confident enough in myself as a person to know when to acknowledge when I've contributed to problematic behavior#and realize the world doesn't end when this happens#my opinion of the fandom I've made my home in hasn't changed either#I had these views before and now they're out there in the open messy wording and all#and if you've decided that changes your opinion of me for the worse that's fine you can unfollow block etc#I understand that even in my attempt to acknowledge hurt within my fandom I've probably hurt other people and I have made my peace with it#but for everyone else that's shown me support both on tumblr and in private#for everyone that's listened to me vent about this subject over DMs and validated my hurt feelings#instead of trying to press your own discomforts onto me to carry in addition to my own#thank you#I've carved a permanent space in my heart for you and I truly mean that#I waded into this mess fully expecting to be ignored at best and to lose connections at worst and I was fully okay with it#but the love I've gotten and the deep honest and vulnerable conversations I've had over the last few days has truly been astounding to me#this last part is taking me AGES to write#because I'm actually crying thinking about all the good that's come out of this#and I acknowledge that's not a universal opinion and that's fine I'm really only speaking to my personal experience with what's happened#which despite outward appearances has been incredibly cathartic and uplifting for me#and I don't need everyone in the fandom to share my views or validate me or tell me I'm right people are allowed to disagree#I also don't need to have a deep personal and honest connection with everyone in the fandom where I can share my deepest vulnerabilities#but the fact that I could have that connection with some of you? that's enough for me. it's everything to me.
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some funny snippets of a tentative timeline for the reverse gondolin au
#silm#silmarillion#not art#reverse gondolin au#Gondolin-born Prince Elrond is a bit more active in numenorean politics#primarily attempting to keep them from self-destructing#numenor still Falls after sauron establishes his weird morgoth death cult#because having numenor around in the TA means there wouldn't be a war of the ring in the first place#but like 60% of them are still Faithful#they establish themselves in Imladris under Tar-Miriel & Elrond (Tar-hanotur? Tar-airatur?) btw#Prince Elrond is quite fascinating to write#also yes annatar is literally booted out under lomions advice#celebrimbor still struggles with his overly-trustingness#luckily for everyone lomion has no such reservations#lomion: tyelpe i know you dont trust yourself on this but. you trust me right#tyelpe: of course#lomion: okay then somethings up with that guy. get him out of your house asap#tyelpe: thanks will do#debating whether to kill off celebrimbor here? if he does die it would be in battle next to lomion so sauron doesnt learn of the Seven#also this tyelpe & lomion have been actively using the Three in battle since FA 500something#they're pretty experienced at the magical siege warfare stuff#so maybe celebrimbor makes it out alive but injured?#okay imagine a white council w assorted wizards; galadriel; cirdan; elrond; the numenorean king in imladris; lomion; and celebrimbor#i feel like lomion and tyelpe balance each other out well enough (lomion is still quite pragmatic but less actively distrusting than maegli#and tyelpe is constantly making an effort to be Wise and Understanding#he doesn't trust himself on big decisions bc of the whole feanorion baggage. but he does trust his bff lomion#so their dynamic is kind of like 'tyelpe has a Good Idea; lomion Validates his Good Conscience and figures out how to execute it'#btwn making the Three a few centuries ahead of schedule and them balancing each other out galadriel-and-celeborn-style they're kind of op#idk how sauron amasses that much power in the SA/TA of the au-verse
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goku & 59 (genius i know)
don't know where it all went wrong
[ID: a digital drawing of goku and baby gohan from dragon ball z. the background is transparent at the top, with a blue sky leading up to a saiyan space pod. goku is in profile with his brow furrowed and his back to the audience as he holds the turtle battle pose. he is shown from the waist up and colored in black and white. gohan is inside the pod directly above goku, colored in flat colors, he has either hand pressed to the vibrant red of the pod's window, expression is worried. /end ID.]
#WISH YOU'RE VALID AF#also ty for the patience. i accidentally went overboard#whatever u think the song is. it probably isn't asfhshd i need to listen to more non romance songs#i just grabbed a lyric and ran with it because i didn't know what to do. i was thinking of making an elaborate gif with all of#goku's tragedies but. it would've been A Lot#anyways tysm i had fun composition is never fun but hopefully i did okay :)#dragonballwish#nano does reqs#i feel like saiyan saga is like.#one of the biggest tragedy set ups for goku. idk. the saga is so important to me. you understand#also love that u can see me progessively get more and more elaborate on these. why am i like this.#dragon ball#son goku#son gohan#59
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vent under the cut you don't need to read if you don't want to!!!!!!!
I honestly hateee opening up or oversharing with ppl. it's kind of like eating for me where it feels okay in the moment but then afterwards I just feel awful. it feels like I'm attention seeking or saying someone else's experience isn't valid for some reason and it sucks. I don't do it at all with ppl I just met but with friends I tend to get carried away with it sometimes,,,
It hurts even more because I've been distancing myself from ppl bcz I'm scared of this exact thing happening. People have messaged me before, saying I seem cool and they want to be friends. And I get happy in the moment, but then I get really anxious about accidentally getting too comfortable and blurting out personal things, because then their opinion of me will wane and they'll think I'm annoying or ungrateful. So I subconsciously begin to distance myself and take a while when responding to messages, because I'm scared of getting too comfortable with them. But now I'm anxious that they think I'm cold or distant and that I secretly don't like them. It's just a lose lose situation mannn </3
I have so many DMs I've put off responding to, and I've stopped talking in servers as much bcz I'm scared of getting close with ppl in them. I really feel bad for it, though. I've drifted from friends bcz of that and it sucks because I genuinely love them a lot. I love everyone I talk to a lot and they always make my day better--I just wish I could be the same for them. I feel like it's a chore to talk to me. I honestly don't know what to do. It's even worse when I get close to someone bcz they like what I make/post because again, now that they've seen how I really am and I've opened up, they more than likely see me as annoying or a bad person. Like it hurts enough whenever we become friends naturally talking, but if it's with someone who's seen me at my "best" and has seen things I work on or stories I've created, they ofc associate me with those things, and their expectations of me are through the roof. So when I disappoint them it hurts a lot more. I hate getting attached to people it hurts so much
#vent#it's okay tho.I think a hug would fix me. I want a hug so bad :(#probably delete later#tag ramblings below#AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE MY FRIENDS SO MUCH LIKE SO MUCH so it's even harder. like I feel like I don't deserve them#y'all deserve better than me#I WISH I COULD ADOPT THE IDGAF ATTITUDE#truly the best feeling in the world--realizing you don't care anymore#and idk how someone could possibly like me for things I created--it's not even like I write well or sing well#I honestly don't understand how ppl could see anything I've made or sung and genuinely like it#so whenever someone DOES I'm just like hasbdhabsn yay!!!!!!! and then I ruin it w my awful personality </3#it's also why I take down a lot of ao3 works#like I've made 50 something works but it only shows two because I've taken so many down or made them anonymous--I hate my work so much#but ppl like it enough to actively want to get to know me and it hurts bcz I feel like they're not THAT good#same thing with singing like I'm not good at it at all#but ppl used to rlly like my impressions of characters and I'd get cast in quite a bit of cover groups and I just don't understand.why???#but ofc I can't ask that bcz.idk it just feels attention seeking when I do that#like can you praise me a whole bunch so I don't feel like it's not totally awful please?#I appreciate the support I get so so much and it's not that it's not enough it's just my brain is mean </3#idek what this vent is abt#I think ultimately it's just abt my fear of disappointing ppl#I'm close with a few ppl who know me bcz of things I made--and I feel like I kinda ruined their impression of me a little (a lot)#especially bcz I didn't always used to vent this much. like back when I was 12-15 I literally refused to vent no matter how bad it got#and I had friends who vented every single day so it's not like I'd be the only one#I just feel like it's wrong when it's me :'D I feel like my feelings aren't valid ig and I'm ungrateful bcz my life rlly isn't that bad#I only started venting a lot this year for some reason--and it makes me feel bad bcz now my current friends have to deal with me like that#like I have a diary I write in and it works sometimes but ultimately it's better for someone else to give you validation#I hate venting so much though#(<- literally venting rn BAHSDBAS)#I'M SORRY if I've been venting too much. I feel like I've been venting too much.guys am sorry if this is annoying I promise I'm workin on i
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