#They're dumbasses your honor

[communitypoolswimlessons]

You know, I like fics where Robin is sort of the queer guide to everything queer ever in most Steve coming out fics, but I think, objectively, it would be funnier (and more realistic but who cares about that) for her to know next to nothing. They tour Indiana's gay bars picking up pamphlets on the various identities. They try to workshop their own word for how Steve feels about his sexuality. "Semi straight? Does that work?" "Gay Lite? Like Miller Lite for the gays?"

They learn and grow into who they are together.

[daedelweiss]

@viverrz context for my dumbass' new pfp uwu

[methoughtsphantom]

Jason “my family doesn’t know im alive” Todd and Danny “my family doesn’t know I’m dead” Fenton going alongside each of their plans my beloved. like Danny will absolutely go head-to-head with all of Gotham to support his new best friend on all his crime lord endeavors while he drags Jason to also attend collage with him. They are roommates and there never seems to a mention of family from either side. It’s an unspoken understanding they have. They met because Crime alley as a ghost lair thrummed with so much loneliness, it was at first the perfect place for Danny to hide his ecto signature in. But then he saw the dumbass whose lair it was lean his motorcycle just a tad too much when making a sharp turn to an alley, he sweeped the floor through a lifted chain link that passed his body but not his helmet. Yep that’s right the red thing got stuck. Danny who at the moment happened to be watching through his window snorted. Much to his horror because if not a ghost that dude could’ve gotten his head flung off.

Still, the scene was ridiculous.

On a whim he irrationally sees the police closing in on the guy and panicked at the thought of the guy using intangibility to free himself so Danny phased them both through his apartment wall and left the guy sprawled in his couch. Jason didn’t freak out but that’s normal when one’s got a concussion, one the guy immediately denied having as Danny laid out the medical supplies. The idiot proceeded to almost flatten four steps to the door with his stubbornness. He also said “I’m asexual” in the most deadpan voice as Danny dropped him back in the couch.

Danny sighed. Clearly though, he’d done so too early in the night because the guy kept trying to go, kept trying to knock Danny out, kept trying to slash him with knifes Danny didn’t know he had stashed. He’d only disarmed the guy from his guns. The visible ones apparently, cause at one point the guy did take out a gun and shoot until the ammo ran out and then teetered the thing like it was an art prop and hit his moon lamp.

Danny "yeah you aren’t officially my friend until you’ve tried to kill me" fenton my guys.

Anyways both keep having the same argument over if Danny technically kidnapped Jason or not. Danny holds the fact that the police at least didn’t see the guy make the ridicule. Jason argued that happened cause he was sporting a concussion. Danny argued he got that after.

Jason at first thinks the guy's a meta, but no. Danny introduces himself, sheepily now that he recognizes this is who the lair he invaded is from. He bandages him and tries to cook for him. If Danny didn’t have ice powers he most certainly would’ve burned the apartment. Jason then proceeds to kick him out of his own kitchen and make them both enchiladas. It’s the most normal both had in a while with another person and the air seems oddly settled. From then on, Jason constantly invited himself over, under the pretense that this was his territory and therefore he could drop in unannounced. Danny who has actual powers says he only allows this because Jason cooks very well.

Danny stays away from the crime fighting business unless his buddy is in deep shit he can’t get himself out. Also it’s Danny’s turn to cover for his vigilante friend which Sam and Tucker give him so much shit for. (but also advice)

And they were roommates. (omg) Danny effectively derails Jason’s big comeback plans by casually dropping ghost lore every two days. Like,

Jason, talking about how he doesn’t want Bats snooping on his territory:

Danny: Just don’t let them in

Jason: ??

Danny: yeah!! Hasn’t Batman died and got revived??? You can totally kick out death touched people you don’t want entering on your lair.

Jason: …I can?

Danny: Yep dude, your lair’s supposed to feel safe.

Jason: wait does that mean I can kick you out?

Danny: First this is my apartment. Second, im dead, not dead touched. Third, it’s too late to get rid of me. bitch.

Anyways Jason is super excited. You mean to tell him he can actually deny people over to his territory haunt?? (Yes it’s only to people who have died and came back but still!! The sample size is exactly the type of people he doesn’t want to see—!)

Joker my beloathed can’t step foot in Crime Alley.

(Jason’d feel a lot safer if the clown was dead but the possibility of his murderer turning into a ghost and their little loophole not applying on the clown is too scary to contemplate.)

Anyways, Jason loves experimenting with the power. It can go from simply making people shudder and not want to enter crime Alley to straight up not letting them enter like there’s an invisible wall blocking the way.

Jason because he’s hurt that Bruce never even patrols Crime Alley and also because he’s petty put B under the category of “invisible wall” blacklist. His reasoning is that the man doesn’t even attempt to enter Crime Alley. To him it’s surely just a place shadowed in tragedy. (anyways that’s it’s the place he met Jason)

Ironically, Jason totally forgets that Batman does venture into Crime Alley one day in the whole year. The day he met Jason.

Okay. He didn’t forget at first. The first year Jason remembers cause it was only a few months till then but then the next— Jason forgets that today’s the anniversary of the day’s Bruce’s parents died. He forgets to allow B in when he feels a slight tug and dismiss the feeling that prompts Bruce to investigate because he literally can’t enter Crime Alley. He starts the trialsTM, he scouts on the very edge and sees people the whole day enter and get out and cross with no problem but Bruce can’t.

It’s literally just Bruce.

Time to call Constantine, i guess.

[nastasya--filippovna]

After two and a half years of hyperfixating on Good Omens I FINALLY had a Good Omens dream. In my dream I watched the ending of season 3 and apparently at the end there is like a big battle between heaven+hell vs Aziraphale and Crowley (who are still not talking all throughout the season) + all of humanity. They win but Aziraphale gets seriously injured and he takes to bed rest in his very fancy, very extravagantly luxurious Victorian mansion, and Muriel is his primary caregiver & since they love to cosplay so much they dress up in a little Victorian nurse costume with the little apron and pinafore and frilly cap and all. And one day when Aziraphale is feeling a little better Crowley asks them to let him see his angel and Muriel tells him that they can accompany him when they will take Azi's dinner up for him.

When they go to his chambers at dinner time Muriel tells Crowley to wait outside while they take the soup in and ask Aziraphale if he wants to see Crowley. Crowley stays quietly but presses his ear to the door the minute Muriel shuts it behind them. He hears muffled conversation he can't quite make out and then Aziraphale shouts : "It's disgusting, it's horrid, it's abhorrent and anomalous, and above all it's WICKED and it's EVIL! I don't want to see it ever again. Take it away from me!"

Crowley lets out a quite sob and dashes down and corridor and drives away from the mansion forever, heartbroken eternally.

Muriel walks out of the room confused to find the demon gone and the bowl of soup, still full, in their hands. Of course Aziraphale was only talking about the soup.

~ The End~

[denebolablack]

Tony: *To Bucky* You cannot shoot every single person I've dated that you don't like!

Bucky: *Raises an eyebrow*

Tony: Okay, you technically can, but you shouldn't. Come on, Steve! Help me out here!

Steve: *Amused* Idk babe, you always tell him to use his free will, and that's exactly what he is doing.

Tony: *Frustrated* I'm so done with both of you, absolutely done.

Bucky: Don't say that doll *Pushes the genius into his lap* I'll behave if you spend some quality time with us, ¿hm?

Tony: *Squints* I feel like I'm being blackmailed but I'll allow it just because you're hot.

Steve: *Hugs the pair of brunettes* Oh so you are with us just because we're hot?

Tony: Right now? Yes. Now shut up and kiss me cuz I'm still mad at you.

[glucosegaurdian]

I’m back again with dabihawks (mostly Dabi) art because my writers/artblock go-to is @satelliteblue‘s bachelorette au.

One would not think so for the premise, but the characterizations and plot are actually top notch and I’ve got it bookmarked and recommend. My top 5 fics ever and part one is completed with part two partially finished!

Love this fic and I’ve reread it a couple times and every time the foreshadowing and premise clocks me in the face like it’s the first time. The interactions are fluid and in character even with minor figures that only have minimal screen time in canon, and the plot is way more in depth and angsty behind the scenes than a reality tv show au should even be allowed to be. Not to mention that the characterization of all the todorokis is perfectly on point, giving an outlook for Rei, all the kids, and Enji and managing to make each one seem the most compelling in their pov.

It gets you to sympathize and agree with Enji and his guilt and remorse, only to blindside you with a switch to say, Dabi’s pov, where he calls Enji an egotistical maniac with a god complex on live tv without name dropping him, and yeah, that tracks with all the characteristics he lays out for the man and his track record.

No real good guys, no real bad guys, no us vs them. Just. People, growth and change and personalities and it genuinely is so well written that it makes me giddy and hurt at the same time.

I’ll leave the link for part one!

[sulemio-week-official]

Dance instructor: Welcome everybody to your first salsa class! Now who's ready to dance?

Suletta, slowly hiding a bag of tortilla chips: ..... there's been a misunderstanding

Miorine: we need to leave

[leslutdepointedulac]

Loustat literally every other book:

Louis: never ever leave me. If you leave me I'll never talk to you ever again, I just wouldn't cope. I'll hate you forever and ever if you leave me

Lestat: of course, I wouldn't dream of it. Promise me you'll never leave me either

Louis: obviously, I can't bear to be without you

Louis (literally 2 minutes later): yeah, no. I'm over it. I've kind of had enough of you now ngl. Bye bitch!

(Louis and Lestat reunite sometime later)

Louis: *gasp* Lestat, babe, I've missed you sooooooo much. Why did you leave me, that was so fucking rude of you. You promised you'd never go!

Lestat (knows full well Louis' a hypocritical lying bitch): i'm so sorry, can you ever forgive me? It'll never happen again I promise, my moon, my stars, my reason for being, I love you sm

Louis: i love more my darling dumbass, my sunshine on a rainy day, obviously I forgive you, just don't let it happen again okay. I'll simply pass away otherwise

Lestat: never ever

(Louis proceeds to leave again. And so the never-ending cycle continues 😒)

[sketchyspooksghostacc]

"....what..?"

"....why... just why?"

"I CAN HAVE AS MUCH AS I WANT DAMMIT!"

[sillygoofyqueer]

They're brothers guys, guys, they're brothers.

[atsadi-shenanigans]

Valentine's Day Special

I did it! I got it finished! As a thank you to everyone who has given kudos and comments, and because Valentine's Day is coming up, here's a smuterific one-shot featuring: pegging, butt stuff, Astarion having feelings, Eleanor has dom tendencies she didn't know about, and Astarion getting nice things!

Rated a very, very E for smut.

Roses are red, violets are blue, blah blah I’d like to fuck you.

Or: Astarion bought a toy. Eleanor wants to give him a night he won’t forget.

“Legs up,” he says. “Pull your knees up. Better leverage.” You do. He leans back, bracing his hands on your knees. Moving himself so you hit his sweet spot ruthlessly. Another peek at you, pleasure painted over every line of his body. “Fuck me, Eleanor.”

The inn is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. Two stories, shutters closed against the torrent, lantern light turning puddles and muddy streets golden.

You’re going to cry. Not that anyone will be able to tell in this storm. Poor Karlach has been hidden in a cloud of steam since the downpour began.

“Gods, I’m not taking another step unless it’s towards the front door of that inn,” Astarion says, voice pitched firmly into bitchy. “I am not slogging through one more minute of this filth.”

Filth being the inches-deep trough of mud the road has turned into. Y’all are coated up to the knees.

“A warm bed and a warmer bath would be nice,” Wyll says. And if Mr. Of-the-Frontiers “I’m used to sleeping on rocks” is saying that, you know everyone is thinking it.

“Fuck,” you say. Eloquent as ever. “We got gold, right?”

“Plenty,” Gale says. His hair keeps sliding over his face in rivulets of water. He looks like a sad, wet cat.

“Hope they got rooms.”

They have, in fact, got a packed-ass seating area, a handful of alcove bunks in a common area upstairs, and a single, small room with a modest bed (other travelers had the same idea when the storm hit).

Y’all’ve had a helluva day. Chasing down leads to some sort of bullshit or another. Half of y’all ain’t even here (Shadowheart, Lae’zel, Halsin, and y’all’s new friends had split off to go hunt down something else).

Which meant when y’all triggered a bunch of undead critters in the shitpile of some tomb, y’all had to do a lot more work to clean up. Astarion took the brunt of it after the two of you (again) got separated from the others.

He stands there, hair plastered to his skull, not an ounce of pink in his complexion (and looking grayer than usual). That’s when the idea comes to you.

“Y’all mind if me and Astarion take the room?” you say.

Ain’t no way to be subtle about it. They all know what you two are about. Especially since that goddamn newspaper came out (it wasn’t neither of y’all’s fault the fucking graveyard grounds keeper was a nosy sunuvabitch who both took his job way too seriously, and took off sprinting to the Faerun equivalent of a tabloid newspaper after catching a glimpse of you.) (You’d finished by then, which was probably the only reason Astarion hadn’t run him down and shut him up.)

They’ve known you two were a couple for a long while. They’d assumed you two had been physical for longer than you actually had been.

“Really?” Karlach says, still steaming. “After all this?”

Astarion says nothing, though his eyebrows quirk in mild interest. The bags under his eyes are more prominent, the color almost bruise purple. His eyes are duller. He looks more corpserific than he has in a while.

You started it, he seems to say. So you finish it.

“I just wanna take a bath and lay in bed, and all my clothes gotta dry,” you say. “We both’ve seen each other naked.”

Clever mischief glints in Wyll’s eye. He’s the most solid out of all of you’uns. The one with the most rigorous sense of morality. Usually plays the straight-laced folk hero.

But the man’s damned charming, and his genial good will hides a wicked sense of humor.

“All the bunks have privacy screens,” he says. “We’ll all be drying out our belongings.”

Gale says nothing. Just stares into the middle distance as he hikes up a section of robe to wring about a liter of water out.

Wyll makes a show out of checking out the common room and y’all’s fellow travelers. “In fact, I see other couples doing just that.”

“I’m not saying we’re gonna fuck, but if we do, you really wanna sleep right next to that?”

Wyll snorts and waves a hand, smiling. “On second thought, I think I’ll pass.”

Karlach pulls a face. “In public?”

“Y’all said they got privacy screens. And you didn’t have no problem walking around tits out during that heatwave.”

“Which beds did we get?” Gale cuts in. He used up even his much-improved magic capacity trying to get you and Astarion out of that fucking trap sinkhole. He can’t even do his presto-tation cleaning spell to dry himself off.

So you end up taking the key and heading upstairs, Astarion trailing after you.

Bath water is something you gotta pay for, in Faerun. The tub’s in the room, and you’re free to haul up however many buckets from the well outside yourself. But that’s a lot of buckets to drag up a flight of stairs, and the inn keep don’t let customers heat it up over the fire themselves.

So a good hour after you and Astarion settle in, you finally got a bath drawn and steaming.

“You go first,” you say.

Astarion sits on the bed in nothing but his drawers, wrapped in a blanket. He don’t get hypothermia—undead and all—but he does get real achy in the cold.

He gives you a small, tired smile, and lets the blanket (and his drawers) slide down.

You still ain’t super used to seeing a cock all bare. Not more than what your occasional forays into porn showed—so mostly just the part not currently buried in somebody. It hangs more forward than you thought it would. Also smaller than you thought it’d be (again, porn and both unrealistic standards, and flaccid ones are smaller).

You make yourself look away. But not before Astarion—ever alert and enough of a bastard to make that your problem—notices.

“See something you like, sweetheart?” Where once that line would have been pure, silken debauchery, his voice is calmer when he’s alone with you, now. Still carries a flirty lilt (he always does with everyone), but with less performance woven through it.

“Just curious,” you say. “And I like watching you—not creepily, I mean. Anyway, if you want a bath and then the bed—for sleeping only—I’m down for that.”

“Mmm,” he says. Steps into the water and hisses. He eases himself down slow. Finally sits and all but melts against the wedge of the wooden tub, eyes closed and head tilted back. “Yet you requested this little love nest for us. And that cunning mind of yours always has at least three ideas fluttering around.

Said with a wiggle of his fingers around his temple.

He’s got a long neck. Stretched out like that, his adam’s apple stands out. As do his bite scars.

“We really can just sleep,” you say.

Now he cracks one, red eye open. Tilts his head to better peer over at you. Swirls his hand in the water as he waits for an answer.

He’s being patient with you. Says you’re patient with him, but you can count on three fingers all the people you ever actually wanted to bed, and none of them ever got that far. It’s not an ordeal for you to wait. You don’t have any expectations for him in that department (which you suspect had been a huge relief for him, and one of the reasons y’all’ve worked out).

He does so much for you. He’s helped you work through hangups you didn’t even know you had. He’s saved your ass more times than you can count, directly and not.

“If you wanted,” you start slow. “And you can say no at any point. But, if you wanted, I thought we could take a night and I could learn, um. We could learn what you like better. Just you. Or, well, me focusing on you.”

His idle finger twirling stops. He stills, both eyes open now and fixed on you. He doesn’t say anything for a long moment. Doesn’t even breathe.

Then his lips part. His words stutter and he frowns. Then, “You want to give me pleasure.”

Every word slow and enunciated. Not…trepidation, exactly. And not quite disbelieving. He trusts you, he’d said. He’s just verifying for the sake of both’ve you.

“I’m curious,” you repeat, so deliberate and nonchalant it’s borderline teasing.

“Pleasure me how?” Astarion says. Once again, flicking at the bathwater.

Aaand the rest on AO3 so tumblr doesn't slap me.

[iwannabealice]

edgin: i made tea

holga: i don't want tea

edgin: i did not make tea for you. this is my tea

holga: then why are you telling me?

edgin: it is a conversation starter

holga: that's a lousy conversation starter

edgin: oh, is it? we are conversing, aren't we?

kira: touché

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

JAKE: You know roxy i have just one question for you!

ROXY: whag is it jakey?

JAKE: What color is an orange?

ROXY: oh jakey ya bonehead, ist color is the same as its name lmao

ROXY: just like a lemon :)

[lea-andres]

Anyone else ever get struck with "[OC] and [canon character of same gender as OC] have the gayest shit happening between them all the time, but they're not a ship" thoughts? Because it's bad tonight, folks. It's real bad.

[denebolablack]

Sooo, I have this HC that Tony needs to be using his hands with something while watching series, a movie, or simply listening to someone. Otherwise, he won't be able to concentrate, and he will end up biting his nails, scratching some part of his body, or biting his lips.

Well, his Brooklyn's boys found out about it very quickly. And ever since then, they make sure Tony always has some object to "play" with if he needs to.

*On a meeting*

Fury: Why is Stark dismantling a gun in the middle of our meeting?

Bucky: *With his arm around Tony's weist* Because I asked him to.

Fury: I won't even ask why. Just don't shoot anyone in this room.

Tony: If I wanted to, I would've done it long ago.

Fury: ...

Bucky: *Smug smile* He's not wrong.

*While watching a movie*

Tony: *Scratching his fingers anxiously*

Steve: *Put a notebook and a pencil on the genius's hands* Why don't you try drawing a plan of the house of the movie, sugar?

Tony: *Stops moving* That's a great idea! Why didn't I think about it sooner? *Starts drawing while mumbling to himself*

Steve: *Smiles and kisses the genius' forehead*

[eobardthawneallen]

@frattweek Prompt: Key

It's ok he knows around where it may had fell

[ID

Is a chibi comic separated in three images

The Punisher and Daredevil are hand cuffed

Frank is wearing his skull black shirt, he is lifting his fist closed and cuffed hand and pointing towards it with his other one, he is annoyed looking at the devil who is in complete red daredevil costume, Matt is smiling at Frank, one arm down the other that is cuffed to Frank is lifted to almost the same height, his palm is relaxed and open. Frank has a speech bubble that reads "Point noted. Can you take these out already Red?", Matt has a bubble speech that says "Sure!"

/

on the second image Daredevil and the Punisher are still cuffed to each other, Matt searches through his pant pocket with a hand, Frank squints at him and a sweat drop falls by his cheek, the cuffed hand is in the same position but he let down the other arm. Matt has one hand on his pocket and the cuffed one similar to the previous image but with a closed fist. Matt has a bubble speech that reads "Uh oh" followed by a bubble thought with the drawing of a key and a question mark, Frank has a bubble speech that reads "What?" and Matt has another bubble speech that says "There is a hole in my pocket"

/

last comic panel with the Punisher and Daredevil handcuffed, Frank is face palming, eyes closed, sweat drop on his face, arching his body a little back, mouth open like groaning. Matt is fake smiling, drop of sweat on his face as well, this time his arm is a little higher than before because of Frank's movement to facepalm, he has a palm up open.

Matt has a shared speech text with Frank, the part of "I" is nearer to Matt , the "you" closer to Frank, the text completely says "I / you lost the key" Matt also has a thought bubble that says "Ah so that was that sound back then"

End ID]