#The writing is good sorry. You dont need to like it personally but you dont have become volatile and mean (i thought that was for twitter)
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Omfgffggff I js found u through the nerd guy fic and I'm obsessed!!!
Ik we are all not so sane here so,,,
If I can request a silly rebellious reader and stepdad punishing the reader for hanging out with good for nothing guy friends with skimpy outfits
:3 Thanks!!! ( You don't need to do ... this is straight up crazy ik lol )
Author’s note: AHH HELLOOO IM SO HAPPY!!! AND OFC SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT!
Content below: use of y/n, AFAB reader, brat taming, punishment, use of nicknames such as babygirl, pet, cheating?, stepcest, minor writing smut, bratty reader, cigars, reader is 18+, dubcon.
Proceed to read..
“Ugh i told you, pick me up tomorrow. My stepdad is coming and i wanna act long enough so i can take some money from him. Then you and cain and me can have some fun! You bring the alcohol!” You giggle as you lay down in your very pink and girly room. The teddy bear your stepfather gave you for your birthday just slumping onto your pillows
You giggle as your best friend starts to ramble about how fun tomorrow will be and starts to ask the real questions “your stepdad is hot! Not gonna lie, i mean! Hes a silver fox!” She squeals as you gag “yuck no! Live with him for a day and you’ll see how controlling and bossy he is” you mumble.
The laptop was still on video call as you roll around on your bed. You sigh as suddenly you hear a doorbell “shit! Be right back!” You yell and slam your laptop closed.
Your feet scramble to the door and open the wood separating you and your money machine.
“Daddy! Welcome home” you giggle and hug him. Ugh disgusting…he smells like his cologne and smoke. He looks at you with disinterest and lets out a low hum. His eyes looking at your perked nipples from your lack of bra.
“Have you been studying? As i told you? I gave you two weeks” he says, pulling away from the hug. What the fuck? Does he have a stick up his ass or something?
Oh yeah about that “ah… yup!” You say with a lopsided grin, batting your eyelashes at the older man. He seems to see right through you but you dont really care, all you need is a few hours and his money and then you can meet your friends-
“Yeah? Ill be testing you tonight.” He says bluntly and starts to head to the kitchen to get dinner for himself.
“Well… im heading out cain and nicole” you say, a little more happily then you mean to. He takes out a cigar and looks at you dead in the eyes. “No.” He states bluntly “wearing a skirt that short? Thigh highs? And what is this..” he comes closer to you your chest almost just almost reaching his. He pinches at your left nipple “a flimsy piece of cloth, that you little ones call a top.”
You yelp and cover your chest “why the hell were you looking?”
“Im your father, and you are not going out like that, with your so called boyfriend who only wants you for your body” he states. Grabbing the back of your top like a cat would.
He goes to his office and throws you on the chair and locks the door
“Question one, look at the fucking paper. A, B, C or D?” He loosens his tie and undoes his pants. Sitting you on his lap “the faster you finish the faster ill let you go” he says putting his cigar down.
“Fuck! I dont know? B?” You say, you feel something warm against your cunt. You unconsciously grind on the feeling “bad girl” he says as he pulls your panties aside and shoves the tip inside. You feel the slight burn and you tear up. Sick motherfucker is gonna rape you?
He grabs your waist and shoves everything inside in one go. No lube no nothing. Just raw fucking cock.
You yell and cry “fuck you! You sick piece of shit” you attempt to get off his lap when he pushes you on your chest. His heavy balls against your clit.
“Its okay babygirl.. you dont need to use your smooth brain anymore” he whispers in your ear. Slowly moving in and out of you “you can be my personal pet from now on” his fingers gently rubbing circles on your clit. You moan gently, your eyes tearing up at the smell of your stepdad the one you used to love but now.. you’re not sure anymore
“Daddy…d-daddy” you mumble dumbly, his cock slipping in and out of you. Your feet barely touch the floor “im sorry baby, this is your punishment” he says before his pace becomes faster and faster. You squeal and try to hold on to him. Your pussy squelches and pulses. Your ass connecting to his hips.
“D-daddy!” You cry. The swirls on your clit becoming faster yet precise “becoming a dumb little girl already? Poor thing… must have been so pent up” he coos, your brain is turning into mush as your legs shake from the pounding. Your cunny fluttering around him, be groans “ah fuck…”
His hand that was once on your clit, now on your nipple. Tweaking them just painful enough for you to keep your sanity in check. “Need a new piercing on your nipples now. Maybe my initials?” He teases.
“I-im gonna cum” you manage to mumble out. The wet skin slapping is making your brain fuzzy “daddy.. i need your cum” you say your tongue lolling out, awaiting his tongue.
He smirks at your now dumb form and gives a few more thrusts but pulls out at the last second.
“Maybe after you get the questions right” he says his gentle smile making you feel warmer.
(SORRY THIS IS BAD ILL WORK ON IT BETTER SOON ENOUGH, I WAS MEANT TO PUT THIS IS DRAFTS BUT ACCIDENTALLY POSTED IT)
#yandere male x reader#yandere oc smut#yandere oc x reader#yandere male x reader smut#yandere oc x reader smut#yandere smut#yandere stepdad
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After 19 years, they finally let Shadow use a gun again.
Let's. Fucking. GOOOOOOO!!!!!!! WOOHOOO!!!!!
Im gonna be for real with you guys, I'm cautiously optimistic about this movie. Because on one hand, everything to do with Shadow and Adventure 2 looks absolutely spectacular and everything i wanna see out of an adaptation of an IP that I hold near and dear.
But.... when this blue fucker talks... UGH.
"Somebody better call Google Maps."
"Konichi-whaaaaat?"
"Trickshot!"
"Dude... I'm standing right here."
"Okay he took us all at once."
SHUT UP!!!!! GOD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! SONIC DOESN'T TALK LIKE THIS!!!! HE NEVER DID!!! CAN YOU STOPPPP!!!! Sonic is a guy who knows when to take shit seriously but always has a feeling of fun around him. He's like "aww yeah bring it on! Let's go!" He's not making references to fucking god damn google maps or olive garden.
"But it's an adaptation and they are gonna make changes." And I think those changes fucking suck and movie Sonic feels barely anything like game Sonic. Movie Tails is fine, movie Knuckles is okay and it's clear that they mixed in a lot of different elements across his appearances into a single character, movie Eggman is good because it's fucking Jim Carrey, and movie Shadow looks absolutely phenomenonal... but Sonic? No man... nuh uh...
Knuckles is written perfectly decently and I liked the Detective Pikachu joke because it sorta makes sense and fits because they are in Japan and Tails is a fluffy yellow creature. But everything to do with Sonic is just... no. Stop. Enough. God damn.
Im not saying Sonic can't have fun and can't make jokes, I'm just saying that they need to handle it better, because one of my least favourite things in media is when you have something with a lot of emotions and personal stuff that's so intriguing and interesting, and it gets undermined and trampled over by awful jokes.
It's like this movie is being written by two different writing teams, one team that loves Sonic and the Adventure titles, and another team who's just a bunch of Hollywood writers that have been fed a diet of mediocre action comedy movies and Joss Whedon movies.
I really wanna fully love what I'm seeing here, but I can't ignore the blue stain that's bringing it down....
Im also really worried about what they are gonna do with Gerald Robotnik but I have a feeling that Eggman is slowly gonna realise that Gerald is more crazy than he first thought and that there's gonna be a twist in the movie. There HAS to be one and we're gonna see the insane Gerald we know from SA2, right?.... RIGHT?!??!! I HOPE SO!!! OR ELSE IM GONNA GET REALLY MAD!
Sorry if I seem negative, I'm just voicing my opinions and i don't want others to get swept up in the hype and think that this movie is gonna be a masterpiece and have their thoughts muffled. Because this movie won't be a masterpiece, no movie can be.
Im not saying that if you are excited for this movie then you're a dummy, fuck no, IM EXCITED TOO!!! I GREW UP WITH THE BLUE RAT! IM A LONG TIME FAN!! BUT IM ALSO REALLY NERVOUS!!
All I'm hoping for is that I walk out of the theatre and I feel satisfied and happy. I dont wanna feel mixed, I don't wanna feel like my time has been wasted, I wanna feel like this movie is fucking great. And I'm praying with all of my damn heart that it is.
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic movie#sonic movie 3#shadow the hedgehog#shadow the ultimate lifeform#all hail shadow#tails the fox#miles tails prower#knuckles the echidna#dr eggman#maria robotnik#i am all of me#sonic adventure 2#gerald robotnik
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every now and then i leave my media literate bubble and see people saying taivan is boring.
#i cant#how#its literally#GUH#taivan…..#literallt i know im a lottienat person so like literally the most annoying ship in the fandom but yall#TAIVAN RIGHT THERE. TAIVAN RIGHTTT THERE AND SO SO INTERESTING#i do think taivan suffered from a weird disjointed storyline#but like…. the i love you blood scene. the glances in the lake. the DOOMCOMING SCRNES??? THE “WE’RE OKAY”???? THE IDEOLOGY DIFFERENCES AND#DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON ADULT TIMELINE#LIKE#OMLLL#insane#i need to draw i need to write#finals and some kind of not good in the head are absolutely kicking my ass sorry#yellowjackets#shep speaks#yellowjackets showtime#taivan#van palmer#taissa turner#taissa x van
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Long POSITIVE rant/analysis about Veilgards plot regarding Solas for me and anyone else bummed out by everyone saying the writing is bad!
SPOILERS
All that I wanted going into this game was to get to know solas as the dread wolf and get my big solavellan moment. The game delivered. This game is very much, by design, the dread wolf’s where inquisition is solas’. In inquisition he is hiding and allowed to be himself as a result, by the end of it you don't change his mind, but you make it so he no longer wants to tear down the veil, not on a personal level. Solas is sensitive, kind and wise. The dread wolf is cut throat, pragmatic and prideful. To save him you need to tap into the person from inquisition, not the god from veilgard.
The thing about solas’ mission is that on a pragmatic level he is right. Rip off the bandaid of these short mortal lives and generate a utopia of immortals. That's why pragmatism doesn’t save him. He needs to accept that on an emotional level, as a person, he doesn’t want to destroy this world, he doesn’t want to fight anymore, and he can never truly make his sacrifices mean something, he can never make any of it worth it because it will never feel worth it to him. He needs to choose to stop as a person not a god of rebellion or spirit of wisdom. Because no matter how much he didnt want to be a god, he acted like one and he can never be at peace while doing so. And no matter how much he wishes he was still a spirit, he’s not. Veilgard at the end of the day was about accepting that you will make choices you will regret, there will be uncomfortable consequences to your actions and there won't always be meaning in those consequences. You can choose to punish yourself forever (solas) or accept the uncomfortable truth that you can't punish yourself into peace and forgive yourself (rook).
The reason why one of you companions must die is so that you cannot be placed above solas. This is also why you must pick minrathous or treviso. You must walk a path like his, fight the war he fought and make the sacrifices he made. You cannot defeat solas or change him on the pretense of being better than him, of not being willing to make sacrifices like him, You MUST make sacrifices, You must put people who follow you into situations where you know they might die and when, not if, they do, you must live with the regret that comes with it.
Solas knew that eventually someone would die under your command and he waited for that moment because you would be faced with the same kind of regret as him and then you would be able to take his place. You don't get to act like you are better than him because you never abandoned anyone, you don't get to act like you are better than him because you never ordered someone to their likely demise. Because you did. You cant get solas to stop by making the claim that he is wrong and you are right, because he isn't. You’re the same. Rook is a foil to solas
The dinanshiral for him is continuing to walk the path that only makes him hate himself more. that he doesn’t feel good about or want to do. He wants to stop but he can no longer see the line between his pride and wisdom. He wants to keep walking it because he can't let go of the fight and accept that this is what all his sacrifices will amount to. He knows he will only hate himself more at the end of the journey but he thinks he deserves to feel all that guilt and shame if it means bringing about the utopia he imagines. He sees the regret and pain of making this ideal world as a burden only he can bear and therefore has a responsibility to take on. He fails if he doesn’t he is selfish if he doesn’t because the sacrifices hes made and the elves of now (in his eyes deluded by idealism) deserve the world he is trying to create
It’s not that solas can't accept he did bad things. He’s great at that actually. He can't accept that he did bad things and those things might never matter. He took risks and lost and there is no reward that can make him feel like it was worth it, but he's trying to make it feel worth it by continuing his plans. He cant accept that he acted like a god, created this deeply flawed world, and cant fix it. He sees himself as the only one who can save his people and cant accept the reality that he failed at preserving one thing he always wanted to preserve. After millennia of fighting and sacrificing for it, how does he just stop? Just because he wants to? That’s selfish. He can take the pain, he deserves it even. So why not keep going? He has to do it, someone else might get it wrong (haha).
Rook is freed because they listen to the people who love them, accept forgiveness from those they hurt, and the reality of their guilt. But choose not to hate themselves anyways.
You show him it's okay to stop. He's not failing. You make him accept his pain and his mistake. You mythal and the inquisitor give him the permission to end, to be forgiven so he can finally give himself the release from that ancient duty. The acceptance of the grim reality he wrought as real and permanent and he doesn’t need to honor those sacrifices because doing so will still never change the reality of how they make him feel. He finally gets to live as a hurt and flawed man, not a savior with the weight of the world on his shoulders. I think thats a beautiful and perfect ending for him, and the whole plot of veilgard is to build rook up into this dichotomy with him.
Solas pretty much says he made you into him, but he didn’t anticipate you’d be able to forgive yourself. Because forgiveness is something he cant imagine granting himself until the end, when he is met with genuine compassion and understanding by those he hurt.
#dragon age#solas#datv#fen harel#dragon age the veilgard#veilgard#da:tv#The writing is good sorry. You dont need to like it personally but you dont have become volatile and mean (i thought that was for twitter)#i thought i could have a bit of casual fandom fun but oops no everyone is overly negative all the time#i could say SO much more i hope this made sense lol
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one more niki analysis.
for now.
ok this one technically i've had in mind for MONTHS but couldn't figure out how to word it until just now because i a) read hot limit about three months ago and it hasn't left my head since b) the idol exploration event.
anyway. the actual crux of this is: niki's character is specifically written to be content, not happy. these often get confused imo. the second part of this is his contentedness isn't natural, it's forced. the third part of this is no one fucking notices, except for one rinne amagi, because of course he does. by no one, i'm talking specifically character-wise here; niki in game tends to get written off as childish or otherwise doing well, and that comes directly from his other unit members.
side note: i'm fairly confident in my own reading of "niki will pretend to not be bothered by anything, ever" and this is bolstered by a few different things; a) the honeycomb summer lyrics in my last post where there's a part of the intro, "hidden the true feelings out of habit / and now you're regretting it" (rinne amagi you slick bastard) b) hot limit. like the entire story. mostly because he was being troubled by multiple different things throughout it (work, idol activities, and his family last name/father's scandal) and the only person who noticed was rinne, and that's probably because he knew the damn guy for five years c) also in hot limit, the exploration into niki seeing himself as a burden because of his illness. why did they add this into his character and then not elaborate further? i don't know. if it never gets elaboration, i'll implode. anyway, it's a part of his character that he usually doesn't show, but he references it as "not wanting to inconvenience the people around him" REGARDLESS of if the people in question don't mind him inconveniencing them (rinne). in general, the only thing he makes a fuss about is food, likely because of his metabolism and the fact that he does become more of a danger to people when extremely hungry (he has bitten hiiro before.); i.e. the inconvenience for everyone else is a 19-20yro trying to bite them, not complaining that he's hungry.
i digress.
niki has referenced himself as being content with certain things before. for instance, in hot limit, it's phrased distinctly as "just getting to eat every day is a bliss to me - i need to be satisfied with that", which comes up again in his letter from the idol exploration:
"it feels like happiness is there to fill my stomach, too!" oh, is it? is it niki? is it now?
basically, what i'm getting at is niki's expectations for life are so incredibly low, so he's satisfied with getting to eat every day. that's it. just satisfied. side note: this is why i went insane when survival was added to his profile; the way he lives/talks about living, he's been surviving more than living. this is also why i think rinne and niki work so well as a pair, rinne's into living and niki's busy surviving. though, to be fair, rinne and niki's relationship is built on this crux anyway. rinne intends (hopes, maybe? his goal?) is to help niki with what he has identified as a problem. thank you rinne amagi.
(for the record, right after i read this, my live reaction was "WHAT IF I KILLED MYSELF". that's quite dramatic, and i won't, but i figured someone might get a laugh out of that.)
this isn't the first time that rinne has referred to niki (well, more so implied) as "not happy", as it happens in hot limit, too.
"that's why i'll grant his wish and make him happy" oh ok i see.
anyway. niki's fascinating, because this forced contentedness vs happiness is so interesting to me, because beyond rinne's own read of niki, it's easily bought by everyone else he knows. most notably, kohaku and himeru, as their impressions come off of reading niki quite differently to rinne's:
(i grabbed these screenshots after i finished the event for the time being. rinne's i grabbed before LMAO)
both of them appreciate and even look up to niki in certain ways, and they both like his focus on food. but what's interesting is how both of them see him vastly different from rinne; where rinne focuses on his low self impression, himeru thinks niki's perspective of the world is interesting, as well as i think he gives credence to niki being selfless, which kohaku sees him as both childish and reckless. i'm pretty sure both himeru and kohaku see him as more naive than themselves, which is a fair read. this also does line up with what happens in hot limit; while rinne is aware of the troubles niki's going through, himeru and kohaku are both surprised at the end.
niki's own effort, i think, to convince himself of being satisfied and content pays off, because the only person who notices otherwise is rinne. which, imo, is a whole other source of depth to their relationship; rinne probably saw niki working that out. he was 14 when they met, and likely the shiina parents leaving was recent (side note: i'm a certified niki's parents hater. i know we don't have much info on them, but i don't trust them after that burden thing), which is something i've mostly extrapolated by the contact he seems to have at 14 vs at 19, where they're pretty much never mentioned. yes, i know, niki chose to stay in japan. i just don't think you get through your parents leaving you in your native country at 14 while they gallivant around the globe and your communication with them steadily dwindles results in anything good.
ok. i'm sorry for the parent hating.
but unless proven otherwise i'm expecting them to be the source of these problems.
#enstars#ensemble stars#niki shiina#tenor talks#GOD. i fucking love niki shiina. im so normal.#i realize this doesnt have a good conclusion either. you see your honor i dont care.#this isnt an actual essay and you cant make me write a conclusion.#anyway. feel free to ask for elaboration on certain things im always down to talk about niki and sound genuinely insane about him#because i am.#i think niki needs more elaboration in game but im content to do a million elaborations myself because. fuck you.#anyway#sorry for using the read more all the time like 95% of my mutuals are bsd fans LMAO im trying not to clog dashboards#<- dont take this negatively bsd mutuals. personal quirk of myself. youre all fine.
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Oh nooo hotd season 2 season finale was bad. It was so boring like nothing happened or made sense AS A SEASON FINALE. We needed at least 2 episodes to make it work. Now we have to wait for 2 years for something to happen. I feel like got s8 all over again. I hate it here.
#i love asoiaf and all the content BUT naahh#if you liked it good for you#but for me it was nahh#boring and stupid episode FOR A seasons finale.#we needed at least SOMETHING#why was otto jailed??#the pointless fight mud scene#aaaa#hotd spoilers#house of the dragon#text#personal#hoyd#im sorry but i love asoiaf universe and hate that they made the season so slowww#I dont have the energy to write a proper review but oof
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Reality Lowdown
(content warnings are in tags)
The room I wake up in has shifted 2 degrees to the left The light in the kitchen is a warm glow- it was a cool blue last night The sun rises in the wrong spot The stairs are too close together as I walk
I don’t let my eyes stay in one place too long They dart across rooms, looking for more displacements More to feel wrong about A voice calls me to the next room. I don’t recognize who it is I don’t know where I am
My knuckles crack too loudly My hair is tied up wrong My jacket is too tight in the collar My shoes are too loose My voice is different than I remember it My vision is more blurry than last night My thoughts formulate too fast My hands are responding too slow
My chest feels heavy My eyes glaze over My heart aches My stomach does flips My fingers are chewed- so are my lips My legs go numb
I don’t think anyone can understand it Can truly understand- The way my hands Are detached from my wrists
I stare at faces until I’m certain I’ve seen the person before I don’t think I’ve stared at a mirror for this long before I’ve been staring at a mirror the whole time My skin crawls I feel sick
I will wake up tomorrow unknowing of what it will be The room I wake up in might be shifted 5 degrees to the right Or the light in the kitchen might be blue again My knuckles might not crack at all My voice might not work I don’t know.
Reality has its claws in me The best I can do is lick off the blood
-Reality Lowdown (By me)
#scamera writes#tw derealization#?#this is mainly about reality issue stuff so pls dont read if it wont be good for you /gen. take care of yourselves <3#its like. my personal experiences with reality stuff rn (tried not to get to bad into my paranoia tho)#ask to tag#just in case ofc#also okay to rb if youd like#oh and the title Is inspired by the disco elysium task </3. i was tired#anyways. first writing post yippee! sorry its a sad-ish one </3#also i dont Really like the formatting or honestly like. Half of this one in general so if its bad dont tell me#(its also 11pm i need to go to bed good timezone everyone <3)#poets on tumblr#original poem#scamera poems
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idk what happened but my brain is finally working again so now im back to writing stuff or at least finally writing letterboxd reviews. for those of you that caare
#the only downside to being someone to watches so many movies is wanting to now go back and write a review for each one :')#not sure whats making my brain work. im wondering if a certain amount of caffeine makes me a functioning person#and that most days i dont get enough and thats why im Like That most days. huh#anyway incredibly funny to me that when a movie sucks i write a lot and when a movies good its like im padding an essay#what do you want me to say!! its good!!!! watch it!!#unfortunately when i sit down to write something most times i cannot find the off switch so i keep going#and these reviews are my unedited stream of consciousness reviews. for whatever thats worth.#so far we've done november. but that's already 7 movies! yeesh .#well we'll see how far caffeine motivation gets me. who needs medication when you can try this#MY LETTERBOXD IS thewickedlady hello sorry forgot to add this hello movie people
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I alluded to this in tags awhile ago but like. IK continuity doesn’t work this way and when things shifted from kooky and silly 40s stuff with psas scattered to like dark brooding whatever we’re supposed to take it as like either time passing with some hand waving to personalities or ‘it was always like this for them trust’ but thinking about dick specifically going from holy galloping grasshoppers Batman to dealing with Bruce in spyral and shit is so so so sad I can’t articulate it well rn but like everyone kinda agrees the shift happened after two face and jason but like no dick saw it all he saw it while it happened he saw Bruce taking tim to baseball games and then gaslighting him at 16 he saw the man who’d take care of a random baby on the fly threaten to send his youngest son back to the league he saw the man who helped usher in a new era of young heroes treat Steph like shit he saw the man who inspired hope for a future in civilians heroes and enemies alike take advantage of cass’ suicidal thoughts and separation from her own humanity he saw everything and he just has to. Deal. To everyone else this is just Bruce and ppl like Tim and cass justify it to an extent bc they love him and get exasperated and when Dick is angry but how couldn’t Dick be angry? That’s his dad and he’s being so fucking mean and idk I’m rambling
#i promise this is better thought out on the daily Im so so tired rn autocorrect is saving me#and It’s like the lighthearted era of the 40s smacking someone across the face into shit like throwing him into Jason’s memorial#like It’s not even whiplash bc it’s always happened it’s just. aaruhdsjak#and this is why I hate the entire thing where Bruce does nothing and it’s ALL terrible writing like#they had Superman doing corporal punishment bro idk#and not saying that’s good or necessary today I’m just saying unfortunately for Bruce Stans literally everyone is shaped by his behavior#It’s why they’re so fucked to eachother too#like the reason perfect dad bruce who’s only issue is miscommunication is annoying bc u#sets up every following issue tk ve of the same vein#he and Jason DONT have genuine morality clashes that usually end up violent and beLetha#near lethal bc they’re both secure in their own righteousness#It’s ‘they need to talk and Jason needs to call alfie and gl#go to Sunday brunch and Bruce needs to be okay with killing the really really bad ppl :(‘#like no bro sorry they’re not as wishy washy as u 🙄#that’s a joke#Im not saying bruxe should hit his kids I’m just saying when he does it’s not automatically the writer doesn’t know him#they might know him all too well actually#also it’s just the way it’s framed for me sorry I think Conflict is interesting#so bruce growing up (at 60 lmao) and dick just having to deal with it is sooo#like idk IK dc is trying to happy family Damian and Bruce rn but to me Bruce DID get somewhat better but Damian can’t ades#address tough shit without feeling luke he’s dragging it and rlly he should be grateful they’re turning a blind eye tk his mistakes so he#goes along with it#pretend the soulless ‘i hate you bc I’m insecure and secretly think ur my favorite Drake!’ is actually#‘i know the role I need to play in order to keep things smooth and if u#i talk to any of you genuinely I’ll explode and also you’ll hate me and also I think I’ll hate you I think I already do so’#that’s my coping#and thats for me personally like this entire post Is how I personally like to see it#i like happy go lucky batfam in microdoses except WFA y will not be forgiven for what u did to Duke#also for the og post I have a whole thing about how Bruce’s attempt to separate the man and the mask causes him to do crazy shit to his kids#but diff time THATS just how I get my middle between incorrect quotes bruce and dudebro bruce tbh
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they dont tell u this but the moment you let yourself just use or not use words and stop caring is when you are truly free
#i stopped caring about my identity a while ago and just let it be whatever and like#yk what? its been pretty good#maybe i dont need to understand it and label it and write it down#maybe it can just be there. itself#and it can be whatever i want and it can change every 6 seconds just based on what flag or word I like more#or what i feel more#maybe today i feel more bisexual and asexual and arospec but tomorrow maybe im gay and aego or maybe just mspec or aromantic#maybe im all of them#maybe im genderfluid or bigender or demigendered or nonbinary or maybe im just trans. in some weird incomprehensible way#i like that one more often i think. just being that#maybe its more boy or maybe im okay being girl or a creature or nothing or maybe im just dapper yk#and you know what. honestly#maybe im just a fag!!!! and its okay!!!!!!! i can just say that because thats me#and i really like that#idk. feeling kinda teary#i just. idk i feel more secure in this than i have abt anything ever#im just this hodgepodge of everything that maybe can just be that. and if i want to name it sometimes i can name it whatever i want#sorry that got really personal i just feel. okay rn#like a good okay#personal posts and stuff idk
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Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of
#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit#i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it#very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically#some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like#AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE#and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to#and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded#it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me#i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me#and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him#away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt#feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like#aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family#hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs#his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage#and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them#HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM#and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is#but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK#and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way#or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he#doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’#yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them
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how do yall write confessions without simply just saying 'I LIKE YOU' :)
#☼.txt#last night when i was doing the dishes i was thinking about this too bc#i really am not the sort who is good with words of affirmation#giving them or receiving them#like yeah i like being TOLD im good give me praise all you want i DO have a big ego sometimes but#not like i dont need it as a form of connection? if thats the right way to explain it idk.#this has been a point of conflict in past relationships#& now when im trying to like. WRITE UP A CUTE NOTE TO THE PERSON I LIKE ! IN A FRIENDLY MANNER ! IM LIKE#I FEEL LIKE. IM KNOCKING ON MY BRAIN. HELLOOOO IS ANYONE IN THERE HELLOOOO#WHILE IM ALSO SITTING AT THE DESK IN MY BRAIN WEATHERED AND WITHERING AND TEARING MY FUCKING HAIR OUT <3#simply put this is a post complaining about my lack of ability to be uh.... poetic on purpose in relationships <3#annoyed and embarrassed and shoving my face into my pillow. im a fool <3#but EYE dont need it as my form of connection/affection ** goodness. sorry im not wearing my glasses which makes it hard to focus on words
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To get good at telling stories... writing stories... one must... practice by writing stories ;-;
#rant#i tell u what i think id have functioned well in a wrbnovel publishing format. but i dont think#any good sites for that exist in english as of yet? (i think theres one but its contract is Yikes i heard)#but just like. the idea of publishing chapter ever 1-2 weeks until youre done. maybe 20 chapters maube 2000. maybr you never finish.#most of the chapters free and maybe idk you make some advertizing money on ads viewed on your chapter page. or make the last couple extras#paid only idk. but the big thing? the point im getting to - sorry i got lost in the sauce -#my point is: you probably DO write shit at first. or write fine with some SHIT ARCS or rushed chapters to hit ur weekly updates#and 5 years from then youll look back and wanna overhaul some of those fucking stories (weve seen many a jjwxc writer revise later).#but wow will you have practiced writing a LOT.#youll have 100k 500k 1 million 5 million words worth of writing under your belt in a few years#and youll probably be a hell of a lot better at knowing how to make more chaptwrs on average interezsting and Building Consistently to your#main plot and arcs. you'll probably get much bettwr at raw scheduling of wriitng and pre-planning that works for you and structure mapping#youll have a much better idea of your personal strengths whrn you need to lean on them for a rough month when your story's turned#into a mess. youll value your own writing more (i hope) cause LOOK how much you fucking accomplished.#like. npss? dmbjs author? idk about others but i can definitely see the improvement in wriitng skill#between dmbj book 1 and the recent heihua book and mountain village book#(in terms of style in word choice. and goals for the story set out to be told)#i look at priest and newer novels by priest are as impressive as any literary novel ive ever analysed#(and older ones while i also love i do see their slightly rougher word choice and how some were executed a bit#more up and down/not as tightly)#i just. agh. i am :c feeling that ill probably write 200k words this year#and none of it will be as good as i want. but i NEED to write these first 200k#because the only way i get better. get to the way i want to write. is to make the progress of improvement with this first 200k.#ToT fun fact i wrote 170k words this year. WOW. and maybe 400k words of fanfic in the 4 years prior (so 100k words on average)#i know i am imptoving. i just gotta keep at it.#also? annoying i cant focus my attention lmao. 160k words is mkre than enough to finish a 1st draft novel#but me? i split those among like 20 projects this year. so the novel most written so far is still only at 40k#and im probably going to need 60k more words to finish it
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Omg yesterday at my moms therapy I said how well I had been doing and feeling like I can actually handle life and my mom was immediately like “that’s because you’ve been taking your meds regularly again” and like completely brushed off any progress I had actually made and I had to be like yeah totally that’s it that’s why exactly when I haven’t taken my meds for a week straight in idk how long
#I was like yup totally that sure is why I’ve been feeling good totally#not at all that I’ve been spending time to do things I like and journal and process my feelings in healthy ways or that I am consciously#making strides towards regular person sanity#and she fucking brought up adhd meds again like FUCK OFFFFFFF HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY I DONT WANT TO TAKE THEM BEFORE IT CLICKS#I. DONT. WANT. TO. TAKE. THEM. they are a tool in MY mental health toolbox bitch back off my toolbox I know you fucking live adhd meds and#won’t shut up about them but I am happy now and I don’t like my brain on adhd meds and the only reason you want me on them is because you#like me more when I’m doing stereotypically productive tasks so you’d rather have me cleaning the house and not doing the shit I love than#you would have me not taking my meds and making art and writing poetry#like god#she just doesn’t fucking get it#I cannot create when I take adhd meds. that part of my brain just like dissolves.#the way I work is that constantly I have a million projects on the back burner in my mind and when I get inspired I make one#when I take my adhd meds I can’t just pick up a fun project I don’t get those ideas I can’t write poetry I can’t make art it’s like it sever#severs the line between my creative mind and my regular mind and I have nothing in my life that I need to be THAT focused on right now#but I have my perscruption still! like if I ever need it it’s there but that’s not your fucking decision that’s mine and you need to back#off my brain because it is a delicate fucking ecosystem up there in my head and I’m not going to fuck with anything until I have to#god. sorry. went on a bit of a rant. I am just so sick of arguing over my mom wanting to control the way I medicate myself. I am an adult#and she is not inside my brain so she needs to listen when I tell her how things affect me#she takes adhd meds like twice every day and hates the feeling of not being on them but I just don’t like them and she won’t fucking drop it#okay I am getting mad about adhd meds and my mother right before I have to be in the car with her all morning i need to relax#we’re going to psychic we’re gonna have fun#we’re not going to argue about this again.
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do you a ever listen to an artists music and are like “this is good but not enough to justify how often fans of this artist act as if theyre superior to fans of my fave artist”
#im gonna b honest w u babes i dont think enough of u take a good long look at the music#you listen to before you act like listening to tswift is the epitome of bad taste#ur already rbing her lyrics in the webweaves you tag as fave#move on from your need to be better than others youll b happier for it trust me#like ur allowed to personally like and dislike whatever music so long as ur not a dick#and arent mocking other ppls music taste its rly that easy#ALSO I WOBT SAY WHAT ARTIST INSPIRED THIS POST BUT HER MUSIC IS LITERALLY GOOD#ITS JUST NOT SOO MUCH BETTER THAN MUSIC OF ARTISTS THAT ARE HELD UP AS CRINGE#(i actually think tswifts music is quite a lot better in lyricism#like i cld say that abt anyone but iv had the opinion ‘a tswift breakup song but abt friendship and not as good’ abt one of her songs#forr a whilee now so. i shld shut up before ppl realise who im talking abt and literally kill me)#LIKE I SHLDNT B COMPARING THIS ARTIST TO TSWIFT AT LEAST IN THIS WEIRD EHOS BETTER WAY#BUT WHEN A POST ABT HER BEING INSPIRED TO WRITE A NEW ABLUM IN QUARINTINE#BC SHE SAW TSWIFT WRITE AN ALBUM BASED ON FICTIONAL SITUATIONS HAS A BUNCH OF PPL IN THE NOTES#MISSREADING THE POST AND GOING ‘yea tswift SUCKS!!! all her fans r so annoying’ I KINDAA HAVE TOO !!!#sorry. ill shut up now#flappy rambles
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i have so many things i want to do on here!! oh my goddddd!!! i want to be unapologetically me! i just get so nervous and i fear like im being too much on here !!!!!
like!!! i want to post silly incorrect quote stuff on here :( and talk about my selfships and silly fandoms i love .... and my silly self insert that makes me so happy ... and post MORE AND MORE AND MORE BUT IM SO NERVOUSSSSSSSSS
it makes no sense !!!!! i mean i guess it does..... having someone who kind of puts you down all the time for the things you share with them makes you terrified to do literally anything and thats actually sooooooooo frustrating.......... wahhhhh
besides ........ i really wanna do something for my birthday blargh!! >_<
#ok sorry everyone i just needed to get this OUT#im no longer friends with that person which is good! but they still are THERE haunting my thoughts all the time#i dont like venting about the SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN I REALLY DONT#but this time i dont think i can just Not#like i just.....#they were not supportive at all even if they said they were#they were supportive when it benefited them#i dont like talking about them but this is how im trying to process how horrific and traumatic that friendship probably was.......#theres always a part of me that thinks im the worst person ever because of them its so bad idk#i wish i didnt feel like this sometimes.......#but in a good way: i can be a bit happy on selfshipping without feeling as if im a laughing stock to them#i dont think they even read anything i sent them in regards to literally anything#selfship or not#try not to talk about personal stuff almost at all i try to never speak about Me ever because i feel overbearing and a lot#but i just feel bad i guess...#in all honesty though: yall are so sweet and i appreciate every single one of you !!!#i just can never articulate my thoughts correctly#and i feel too afraid to show things because of how things were in the past :(#but i really do appreciate everything i just ...#im not good at talking about Me ... like i said previously i think#i think though a good thing is finally being able to enjoy the things i like even if its kind of semi public so i think thats a huge step!!#i just.... feel too much. i feel things too intensely....#maybe i should write things on paper instead of typing things out#idk... uh thinking out loud here sorry#rambling but um i think i got everything out ?? idk :thumbsup:#but i do mean it though: thank you for being nice and patient with me ^_^#i know my fear gets in the way and im trying TO FIGHT IT#going to PUNCH FEAR going to attack fear with hammers#this is so long i apologise ........#ashley talks
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