#The very first experience I had of high school

[heavyhitterheaux]

NSFW Alphabet

See Me Through You Series

Synopsis: It's pretty self explanatory lol 🤭

Pairing: Husband!Joe Burrow x Wife!Reader

Requested by: a gorgeous anon 😍

Series Masterlist

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

A (ftercare)- Joe has always been a gentleman in this regard from the first time you two slept together (which was also your first time ever and was very surprised when you told him). He always helps you to the bathroom, but not before turning on the shower first in order for the water to heat up. He usually gets in with you before going to change the sheets on your bed. He then helps put your hair up no matter what style its in, feeds you if you want something before you both settle into a deep sleep.

B (ody part)- Joe's favorite body part of yours is your eyes. As cliche and cheesy as it sounds, he could get lost in them for hours on end. The color reminds him of honey which is no surprise considering what a sweet person you are to everyone around you.

Now your favorite body part of his was his hands. You loved when he inserted his fingers in you of course, but you always found yourself wanting to hold his hand or having him touch you. Joe doesn't know this, but he always brings attention to them and he obviously doesn't mean to. A lot of times that would consist of him playing with his wedding band.

C (um)- You like to be covered in it and Joe likes to see you covered in it. His favorite place to release besides inside of you was your chest and your face. But ever since he got it in your hair that you had just gotten done hours before, he's been put on restriction.

That interaction ended in A LOT of yelling.

He paid for you to get it redone the next day as an apology.

D (irty Secret)- Joe loves to face fuck you and see you whimpering and moaning underneath of him. The two of you don't do it often, but when he does it takes no time for him to release in your mouth.

Besides that, he absolutely loves watching you sleep and this has been a thing ever since the first night you stayed with him in his apartment at LSU. He loves how peaceful you look and when you had been terrorizing him all day, he can finally be at peace too (But he'll never admit it out loud).

E (xperience)- Although Joe wasn't your first boyfriend, he is the first person that you have had sex with and you're definitely glad that you waited for him. He is always so thoughtful and takes his time with you.

Joe on the other hand had a few girlfriends in high school and when he was at OSU, so the experience is there. Because he knows you aren't as experienced as he is, he takes his time and introduces you to different things slowly and not all at once.

F (avorite position)- As simple as it is, missionary is his favorite simply because his eyes are on you the entire time. As mentioned before, he loves the sounds that you make as well as the faces to go along with it.

Bonus if he can get you in front of a mirror to take you from behind. He makes you keep eye contact with him the entire time. The moment you look away, he stops.

A close second is you riding him as he tightly holds onto your hips.

G (oofy)- Joe takes your pleasure as well as your well-being very seriously which is no surprise. But of course, he has a smile on his face just about the whole time because he has your full attention.

Especially when he knows that you're close.

H (air)- There is definitely a happy trail present and it's very neat and trimmed. You on the other hand hate having hair anywhere on your body except your head so to the wax lady you go.

I (ntimacy)- Joe always makes you feel loved and deeply cared for and you have never felt any differently. He takes his time exploring every inch of your body as if it was the first time.

He has always been possessive of you and makes sure to tell you that he knows that no one will ever be able to make you feel as good as he does.

Your eyes are trained to stay on him the entire time.

J (ackoff)- So does he do it? Not a lot since you officially moved to Cincinnati to be with him. However, the long distance took a toll and the two of you put facetime to good use.

Mutual masturbation.

You also remember getting a surprise in the middle of class which was a video of Joe jacking off. It definitely sent you over the edge and your vibrator got put to good use that night over and over again.

K(ink)- Joe loves to tease you every chance he gets which happens to be often. He'll bring you so close to the edge where you feel as if you couldn't take it anymore and immediately pull away, making you complain. But when he felt as if he had teased you enough, when he did bring you to an orgasm, you swore you could see stars.

Choking is another kink, but more so for you than for him. It's not the fact that he doesn't like it, but it's not his favorite. The only reason why he does it was so that you could reach your peak faster.

He does love tying you up and blindfolding you and you simply go along for the ride knowing that it's going to be worth it.

Spitting is something that you absolutely loved and that's all Joe needed to know in order to bring you as much pleasure as possible.

L(ocation)- Favorite place to pleasure you is of course your bedroom, but his car used to be a close second.

He had toned down a lot since having his NFL status and being in public was now usually a no go.

His most recent spot that was now considered a favorite was the balcony of your newest house in Louisiana.

M(otivation)- Seeing you in lingerie that he himself picked out for you was his number one motivation, but something that also turned him on was you doing the most simple everyday things.

You could be doing something as watching a movie and you would casually be sitting there on the couch in one of Joe’s t-shirts and nine times out of ten nothing else and he would literally walk up to you and throw you over his shoulder and you knew what was about to happen.

N(o)- Something that Joe would never do is cause you physical harm on purpose. One time he tied you up a bit too tight and once he took them off, all you could see was red and indentations on your skin where they had been. He beat himself up over it for a while despite you telling him that it was okay and that you were fine, and you knew that he didn't mean for it to happen.

He literally didn't do anything again with you until everything properly healed despite your obvious protests.

O(ral)- Joe could spend all day in between your thighs and it was his favorite place to be and you obviously had no complaints. He loved making you feel good with his tongue and your favorite thing was obviously when he sucked on your clit.

Now when it was time for you to switch roles, Joe absolutely loved when you deep throated him. As many things as he would do for you, you were more than willing to return the favor.

P(ace)- He loves to take his time with you and make sure that you knew that he loved and cared about you through his actions and him making you feel as if you were on cloud nine.

If he could have you underneath him all day he would.

Q(uckie)- Not normally his favorite since he liked to make you cum multiple times and not just once. But this would happen sometimes in the morning when he had just woken up and wanted to feel you near him.

Inside and out.

R(isk)- Joe is always down to experiment, but of course he has to hear what your thoughts about it are first before anything can happen. If it's another way to make you feel good, he'll do it.

S(tamina)- During the season is a little different than when it's the off season and for good reason.

Joe is so focused during the season so you might get two rounds out of him on a good day. But, once the season is over, Joe is attached to you every second of every day and if it was left up to him probably wouldn't let you go until the paint on the walls were peeling.

T(oys)- During your first semester when the two of you started dating, he bought you a vibrator as an early Christmas gift and he kept it at his apartment to use on you whenever he wanted.

However, over Christmas break, you took it home and put it to good use on a facetime call with Joe because you were missing him so much.

He also bought you a rose vibrator for your 19th birthday and that combined with him inside of you at the same time was a pleasure like no other.

U(nfair)- Joe will tease you to no end and as much as it might annoy you, you also knew that when that orgasm hit that it was going to be like a ton of bricks.

And you better not cum unless he tells you too.

V(olume)- You can never get over how Joe's moans sound and it was like music to your ears. You really loved it when you two were in missionary and you would have your legs wrapped around him as his head is buried on your shoulder and you can hear his soft moans directly in your ear.

W(ild Card)- You two definitely had sex in the locker room at LSU after hours and it's your little secret.

While you happened to be wearing his jersey.

X(-ray)- We've seen the dick print and we know that there isn't anything small about him.

He makes sure that you always feel every inch of him.

Y(earning)- It’s not the fact that Joe's sex drive is high, but if he knows that he wants you, there isn't a reason for him to hold back so he is of course going to tell you.

Z(zzz)- When everything is said and done, his usual position when he falls asleep is on top of you as his head lays on your (usually) bare chest.

Clothes are probably unnecessary at this point, so when he wakes up he has easy access to you.

[thewrightstuff]

I don't really have a 'normal' blog to put this on but it's so accurate, so I wanted to recreblog it somewhere and share my experience with doctors as a plus sized person.

As soon as I hit puberty I began to mysteriously put on weight and none of my doctors were able to really tell me why. When I was in my senior year of high school, I was having pains in my right side that my doctors (both my at the time pedi and my gp) attributed to my weight and would shrug their shoulders and refused to do any sort of further investigation of.

I was in the early stages of appendicitis, and it wouldn't have been discovered had I not eventually had a colonoscopy due to having IBS and specifically requesting it from a Gastro. I was exhausted all of the time and run down and sick. It took five years for them to discover this after the pain in my side began. I could have gone septic very quickly if this was not discovered, and it would probably have been fatal because my pain and sickness had been written off because of my size as being a side effect of being fat.

Additionally, it took over ten years to be diagnosed with PCOS because my doctors prior to my current care provider insisted that my extreme pain symptoms and bleeding to the point of being diagnosed with period anemia was due to me being, you guessed it, fat. My mother had PCOS and I highly suspected there was more going on and kept pushing hard to be tested for the condition. My androgen levels were *double* what the normal level should be for someone my age, and that could have been found out at any point in those ten years with a blood draw. It also means I likely have insulin resistance which impacts how my body gains, carries, and loses weight and is a huge contributing factor to why my diet (balanced meals as guided by a dietician with the rare occasional treat) was not able to help me lose weight.

I feel like it's important to point this out because even if you have genetic or medical conditions that impact your weight, it does not matter to a doctor. There are a large number of doctors who do not take your symptoms seriously and will just tell you to lose weight, even if that is an uphill battle you have no questions for. In fact the amount of times I have been refused care for serious medical conditions because they want me to "lose weight first" is ridiculous, because I can tell when something is wrong with my own body. I also feel like it's worth noting, I'm otherwise perfectly healthy - my tests come back normal and show no signs of diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart disease.

I also want to point out, when I was seeking a breast reduction (because of how badly it has impacted my health) I was refused one because of my weight. HOWEVER, ironically, my doctors that same year recommended I get a gastric bypass surgery because somehow my weight didn't disqualify me from that surgery. Fatphobia is very, very real in the medical and insurance fields.

I will continue being mean to thin people because the entire world is made for you but people like me can't get a diagnosis without threatening to sue the doctor <3

[lilylushes]

Gilman Reunion with Luigi

TW: Sex, spanking (once)

A/N: If u don't like it then don't read it.

“Having fun?” you say into your boyfriend Luigi’s ear. You’re at his high school reunion at Gilman and he’s proudly introduced you to all of his old friends. His hands remained on the small of your back throughout the night.

“Very much so. Thanks for coming, baby. They all love you,” he puts his arm around you, kissing your cheek. “Let’s take a walk, I’ll show you the labs.”

“Okay,” you smile as you both put down your wine glasses.  “Let's go.”

Luigi ensures the coast is clear before sneaking the two of you away from the reception. You walk down the halls of Gilman, hand in hand, taking in the place that meant so much to him, that helped make him into the man you love. 

At one point, you spot his year’s graduation picture and stop to take a picture of it with your phone to embarrass him later.

“Baby, your hair here, so cute,” you say, pinching his cheek as he lets out a laugh.

“Ugh, that picture is so embarrassing. I look like such a nerd.”

“My nerd. My cute nerd. I love little Luigi. But I love big Luigi too,” you wrap your arms around him, and he brings your waist closer to his body, kissing you slowly.

“Never thought I’d get to kiss a girl in the halls of Gilman,” he grins. “Oh, and, big Luigi loves you too. They both do,” he laughs, looking down at his growing bulge that he knows you can feel.

His joke makes you both erupt into a fit of laughter.

“Shhh, shh, okay, let’s not get caught. I’ll show you the labs.”

You two continue down the halls. You can’t help but see how it’s all so romantic but also bursting with sexual tension.

“I love sneaking around with you, Lu. It’s kind of hot, too, not gonna lie.”

He turns, opening a door on your right, holding it open for you. “Ladies first.”

“I spent so much time here. Must’ve been hundreds of hours.” He looks around, with the only light in the room being provided by the streetlights outside. “We had robotics club in here, did countless experiments, so much stuff.” 

Luigi walks up to you, takes your hand, and brings you over to the teacher’s desk, holding your body close to his. He suddenly grabs your hips and lifts you up on the desk, drawing his lips painfully close to yours, nearly touching. His arms on either side of your hips gives you no escape, not that you wanted one.

He whispers, “but you know what I never got to do?”

“Mmmm?” you question, locking your eyes on his.

“Never got to fuck in here.” He moves his mouth to your ear. “Wanted you so bad all night. You look so fucking pretty and I’m so proud to show you off, baby.” He brings his gaze to yours before kissing you hungrily.

“Didn’t take you as such a bad boy, Mangione,” you smile against his lips.

“I am for you, baby. You get me so fucking horny. My perfect girl.”

His lips find yours again. Your tongues dance with one another as you explore each other’s mouth. One of you will moan, triggering a moan from the other. His hands roam your body, squeezing your breasts and grinding your hips over his bulge. His body holds your legs open. Both of you get worked up fast. His bulge is bigger than it was in the hallway, and you can feel wetness pooling at your core.

He finally brings his hand up your dress and in between your legs, pausing.

“No panties?” He seems surprised.

You look at him with innocent eyes, shaking your head.

“Fuck, just when I thought you couldn’t get anymore perfect,” he growls before running his fingers up and down your folds before inserting one in your aching core.

“Oh!” You gasped, beginning to buck your hips to get his finger as deep as possible.”

“Yeah? That wet for me already? Me fucking you in a classroom really turns you on, doesn’t it baby?” He has your foreheads connected, looking into your eyes.

He stops his assault on your cunt, bringing his fingers to your mouth.

“Taste.”

You love his fingers in your mouth, and so does he. You look at him lovingly while your tongue swirls around his long fingers.

“Mmm, so pretty,” he looks down for a second. “Oh, hold on baby, you made a bit of a mess.”

He lowers himself, sopping up the juices from your cunt and from the desk before returning to his standing position.

“You’re delicious, baby. It’s so sexy to see how wet you get for me.”

You reach your hand out, palming his bulge through his tight pants.

“Baby, wanna suck your co-”

“I’m not gonna last, not with you looking this pretty and not with the thought of me railing you in my old high school. Feel how bad I need you?” 

“Need you, too, Lu. So bad. Want you to fuck me on this table right now.”

That’s all he needs. He unbuckles his belt, lowers his pants and boxers, and lets his cock spring free.

He rubs it along your wet folds. The only sounds in the air are wetness, gasps, and four-letter words.

“Fuck, baby. Gonna fuck you now. Fuck the shit out of you on this desk.” He puts his forehead on yours

He pushes his cock into you, prompting you both to gasp.

“Mmm, your cock, is so big, baby. Fills me up so nice. Need you to fuck me good.”

He quickly starts fucking you at a quick pace.

“You’re so fucking tight,” he says, gritting his teeth. 

“You’re a fucking fantasy come true, baby, you know that? So fucking hot,” he moves his hand to your neck and pulls his head up, allowing you both to watch his cock thrusting in and out of your pussy.

You’re both moaning far louder than you should be. He can sense your worry.

“We’re on the other side of the school, baby. Be loud. Wanna hear my girl.”

You take his reassurance as permission to voice your pleasure.

The moaning, the sweating, the scene, it’s all so fucking hot. Your kisses are messy, your mouths are agasp, and your hands are exploring each other’s bodies.

Suddenly, Luigi pulls out, takes you off the desk, bends you over on top of it, and brings your hips to his, inserting his cock again to continue.

“I’m close,” you say, in between his deep thrusts.

“Wait,” he spanks you, making you moan.

“Needed to do that, feels too fucking good fucking you in here.”

You bring a hand behind your back for his to hold as you feel him getting close. His other hand is bringing your hips to his. 

“Gonna cum inside this pretty pussy. Fill it with my cum.”

You moan even louder, and he can feel your walls clenching around him. He moves you back from the desk a little bit to bring his hand that was on your hips to touch your clit. You let out a cry of pleasure and pain.

“Yeah, baby cum on my cock while I breed you.”

You look back at him while you both reach your orgasm. The two of you collapse onto the desk, breathless. After catching his breath, Luigi brings a couple of kisses to your shoulder before standing up.

“I can’t believe we fucking did that.”

You arise, turning to face him.

“Me neither, that was really hot.” You bite your lip and look up at him.

“I’ve always had that fantasy but never thought I’d get to live it. But I never thought I’d meet someone like you, either,” he says, holding the side of your face in his palm, his thumb running across your cheek. “I love you.” He gives you a long, gentle kiss.

“Let’s get back there before they get any ideas,” you tell him.

“I’m sure they’ve already got an idea, unfortunately.” You both laugh, leaving the lab holding hands.

[andreilslovechild]

Aaron and Nicky

Okay so I vaguely discussed this on my previous post about Aaron and hatred, but I needed to say more on the topic bc it kinda just recently popped up in my head again and it's just...ugh so good.

When Aaron moved to SC, he was 13, and Nicky was like 17ish. So, depending on what year he was in, he would have been either in his junior or senior year of high school. Assuming he was in his senior year, Aaron would have only had around, let's say... around 7-8 months with him assuming they moved during the summer.

Aaron would probably have talked to Nicky a few times a year before this. Maybe once every month or two when Luther talked to Tilda, but not really anything special. They probably saw each other a few times for holidays when Luther would pay for their plane tickets. You know the classic long-distance cousins. You don't talk much, but you still know things about each other.

Then, once Aaron moved to SC after finding out about Andrew, he would have been reeling from that discovery, alone, and in a new city he'd probably only been in once or twice before. And even then, he'd probably only been to nickys house, church, and back again. So he would have clung to whatever familiarity he could find.

Him and Nicky would hang out or talk on the phone when Tilda was too high to care, and Aaron used him as an excuse to get out of the house and away from her heavy hands and the crushing silence that echoed in the new house that was already falling apart. He would have picked up on the type of language older kids used, even kids his own age really, would have tried to fit in by using it, and at the time homophobic or vaguely offensive language would have been the norm. Aaron himself may not have used them against Nicky specifically, but Nicky would have heard Aaron using things like "fag" or "gay" as an insult.

Whether Aaron knew Nicky was gay is up for debate, but it's probably likely he knew that Nicky had "strayed from the path of god" or so Luther would have put it. He'd probably heard about the conversion camp in passing, though he likely didn't know what it really was. I think it was mentioned too that Nicky tried to act straight after his experience at conversion camp somewhere in the EC, so Aaron was probably under the impression that Nicky was "cured" like Luther and Maria were.

But long story short, during those 7-8 months, nicky was Aaron's closest friend. I doubt Aaron was very social, so even after school started, he probably didn't make friends that easily, so he hung out with nicky most days, and they did their homework together or whatever. Very sibling like. I think Nicky was the one to convince Aaron to reach out to Andrew against Tilda wishes, and probably the one to comfort him when he recieved a big fuck you back. He was the closest thing Aaron had to real family.

He probably noticed nicky wasn't as happy as he liked to seem, but he was a kid and the most he could do about it was spend lots of time with him and try and get him to genuinely smile now and then.

And then there was the Germany trip.

Aaron wasn't happy Nicky was going on the trip, and Nicky was probably a bit guilty for leaving Aaron behind, but Aaron wouldn't have stopped him from going when Nicky so clearly wanted to. He thought it'd be 5 months or so, and then he'd be back. Just 5 months of crushing loneliness, and he'd have his cousin back.

I think Aaron started using properly for the first time while Nicky was gone on that exchange trip. He'd used a few times here and there before, but not regularly. And certainly not enough to crave them. But with nicky gone, he didn't have any other way to escape. He told himself he'd stop when Nicky came back, except Nicky didn't come back. Not really. He was back for maybe 2 weeks total to officially graduate and pack up his things, and then he was back to Germany because he'd found some perfect gay lovestory there. So he kept using.

I think Aaron resented Nicky leaving him for a long time. He left him alone to suffer his mother and their crazy family by himself. He may not actively realize it, but it also makes him resent nickys sexuality a bit too because if Nicky wasn't gay this wouldn't have happened, and he'd never have left him.

Then three years has come and gone, and andrew is there, Aaron's no longer alone, but Tilda dead. And then Nicky comes back to take care of them. Fights for them. Makes sure they stay with him. And he's nothing like the Nicky Aaron remembers. Well, he kind of is, but not really. He's more flamboyant and bubbly and waaay to talkative and sexual and Aaron isn't sure what to do about it. The first few times were an accident, tired and hurt, and going through withdrawal as he screamed insults at the locked bathroom door. He heard nickys voice and begged him to let him out and then insulted him when he didn't.

But he also notices afterward how they make nickys smile turn a little bit tight. And then the insults become a test. A way to push even more to see if Nicky would break. If he would hit and scream like Tilda or glare and use the stick like Luther. But he didn't. Not even a little bit. Not even once. And slowly, Aaron forgets that that's what the words were supposed to be. He just uses them casually, the insults at the tip of his tongue whenever nicky does something he can comment on. It just becomes normal. And he sees the way nicky brushes them off, but not really. He can see through the mask. But he just can't stop.

It takes years of practice and therapy and more than a few seriously uncomfortable conversations for Aaron to properly get his tongue under control. But he tries. And trying is enough for nicky when it comes to them. After all, nicky had dealt with Andrew, too, who was arguably worse in some ways.

Nicky and Aaron's relationship is infinitely complicated in so many ways. They went from distant family to friends, to strangers, guardians, and children, to finally being just cousins. It takes a long time and probably isn't until after both of them have graduated and Nicky is back in Germany, but they get there in the end, and that's the important part.

(Credit to creamka_ on ig for the art love them)

[slimmyluvsnagi]

Charles Chevalier x Reader! 🥐

Important warnings and notes: Uhmm, I think I did this with some imagination, I wanted to do something more extensive but this was what came out! <3 (Soft, fluff, declaration of love, out of Blk, Charles x fem reader!! english it's not my first language.

꒰ 🪐 𝙋𝙡𝙤𝙩: "Charles wants to declare yourself"

Charles was in love...

If I could explain from one to ten the level of love he had for you, it was surely up to more than a hundred.

Charles had been in love with you for around two years, they met in high school, just before the blond was recruited for the PXG, being good friends and classmates, becoming best friends almost instantly.

Charles loved you, they had many things in common, one of them was humor and way of being, he loved your dedication to things so much, and it was strange since he was always an immature fifteen-year-old boy who never took things seriously. But when he met you he changed a lot thanks to you, being a little more serious and mature in some things, making him settle down.

Right now they were seventeen years old, their time together was long since Charles was playing professional soccer with a big and good team, earning a lot of money at his young age, so he didn't have time to see you on many occasions, until he finished the neo-egoistic league and had to go back to his studies and finish high school.

And his feelings never changed, he always thought about you and when he played soccer with his teammates he always dedicated them to you, they were small gestures that made the difference in their relationship. When after a long time he had the courage to declare himself it was very complicated, since he had no experience in that, he was never interested in a relationship, since he never took anything seriously, always playing and joking, but with you it was different.

That's why he decided to ask for help from someone important to him, nothing more and nothing less than Julian Loki.

One of his teammates who was really like his older brother, at first thought of asking Shidou Ryusei for help, but let's be honest, it wasn't a good option, Rin Itoshi was also on the list of options, but well, let's say he's the least suitable to talk about feelings and relationships..

- Come on, Loki, help me. -

The blond insisted to the tall one with a puppy look, wanting to convince his elder in this.

- No, I already told you, I'm not going to hold a sign saying "Will you be my girlfriend?" While you kneel in front of your entire school. - Loki laughed as he grabbed Charles by the hair and ruffled it a bit. - Come on, Charles, you're better than that, buddy, I think ____ wouldn't like it very much if you did it like that. -

- I know, Loki! - He sighed lightly. - But what can I do then? I really want her to be my girlfriend, she's beautiful, what would happen if another boy confessed to her before? She has a lot of loose administrators. - He said, somewhat annoyed at the idea.

- Do it directly. How about a nice gift? Girls love flowers, stuffed animals and stuff like that, declare yourself with that and sincere words, it's more comfortable. -

Charles was hesitant, he had never tried something like declaring himself before, he was nervous, but he knew that Loki had a little more knowledge and that maybe that would be the solution to his problem. He thought about it a bit, following Julian's idea he decided to go to a little store in the mall, thinking about what he could give you.

He thought of the basics, some chocolates, maybe makeup or something else, but he wanted to be really original for you, so he ordered your favorite flowers, red roses, with a cute gold necklace to match, some candy you liked and your favorite sleeves.

He was nervous..

When the day of going to school finally came he was really nervous, Loki told him it was okay, to be calm and that if it didn't work out there was no reason to get depressed. But Loki didn't know how important you were to him.. a simple "No" was capable of making him suffer for years even, he really wanted to be reciprocated.

When the bell for recess rang he quickly left his classroom, taking the gift in his hands, meeting you on the roof, a place where you always used to go to eat and talk about Charles' practices with the team, a place only for the two of you.

When you arrived you smiled a little, there he was, in his gym uniform, since he refused to wear the daily uniform.

"Come on, I'm a professional soccer player for PXG, I don't need to waste my time in a school uniform.." he said.

- Hey, Char. - You greeted with a smile as you sat next to him, seeing the view of the other students on the school campus, running or talking, a good view from the rooftop. - How was your class? -

- Good, good. - He said showing his cute fangs, a smile that drove you totally crazy. - In fact, I invited you here for something important, ___. -

You always liked Charles, your best friend, since he went to the neo egoist league you missed him endlessly, it wasn't the same talking on the phone, it was a really difficult season for both of you. You never realized that you were in love with him, it wasn't until you reflected on the possibility, and yes, you were really in love with Charles Chevalier.

- Yes, tell me, Char. -

The blond took courage to declare himself, taking out a small box and a bouquet of flowers that he had been hiding behind him, he actually laughed at how clueless you were for not noticing before. When he stood in front of you and held them out, with a blush on his cheeks, the wind blew lightly as you looked at him with surprised eyes.

- Charles.. ? - You said as your heart beat rapidly.

- ___, I like you, too much, and I needed to tell you. For two years, since I met you I felt a special connection for you, I've thought about you during my games, it's weird, I've never fallen in love before, but with you.. it's different. - He smiled a little as you took the cute bouquet of roses.

You smiled lovingly, Charles knew your tastes very well that you loved the gesture of him giving you your favorite flowers. When you suddenly realized what he was saying, you blushed quickly and looked into his eyes, there was a glint in his blue eyes, as he sighed in embarrassment.

- Charles.. Are you serious? - You said incredulously.

- Yes, I would never play with something like that. - He answered.

- Charles, I've liked you too for a long time. - You admitted subtly. - I thought you didn't really like me, the only one who knew I liked you was Loki.-

Wait.. What!?

So, Loki knew from the beginning that she had feelings too? damn.. Charles thought to himself with a small nervous laugh. Later he would have time to tell Loki to fuck off for hiding it from him all the time.

- So.. Do you want to be my girlfriend, __? -

- Of course you do, Charles. - You smiled happily as you gave him a warm hug. - You're the best. -

- You too, darling.. -

[anothermonikan]

Man high school was fucked up. You ever think about that. Thank fucking god I'm not in high school anymore

[icewindandboringhorror]

reminders of the passage of time moodeboard

[orcelito]

Had a moment of listening to music I liked back when I was a teenager (& still like) and having a whole. Realization . That I like myself as I am now sooooo much better than I like teenage me. And I started thinking about Why.

There's a lot to it I'm pretty sure, & most of it centers around the fact that I just... didn't really know who I was as a person. I didn't really have hobbies outside of what I did in school (aka orchestra) and like. Video games + anime. I did creative writing in middle school, but dropped off in high school for... some reason? I still made original characters and played around with them a lot, but it was mostly just in drawing and thinking about them. I never actually *wrote*, and I in fact didn't get back into creative writing at all until I was 23 years old. I was someone who had spent so long hiding behind others and just doing what I was told that I just... didn't have any real direction. I didn't know what I even *wanted*. I thought I knew, but in hindsight, I can confidently say that I didn't. I was just an insecure teen drifting through life and not thinking about things beyond what was immediately in front of me. Which is pretty standard for teenagers I guess, but not all of them. Not at all.

Compared to now, where I have Many hobbies, most notably being writing. As I am now, I am just Intrinsically a writer. And it's weird to remember that I wasn't even really *writing* before 5 years ago (besides text rps, which did a lot for developing my writing skill! But still aren't a replacement for writing individually). As a teen, I wasnt into dnd, I was incredibly out of shape, & I was a lot less aggressive and focused. I was the type to avoid sports!!! I hated them!!!! But as I am now, I Love biking and can easily bike for an hour+ no problem (I remember being a teen and trying to go on just 10 minute bike rides in the summer and just *dying* from it), & I love working out. I wanna be strong!!! I LOVE being strong!!! And I was an absolute mess with things like public speaking & working in groups, vs now where I can do an impromptu presentation no problem & I'm often the unofficial leader in group projects bc im typically the one who does the organizing and allotments of work. A side effect of working as a supervisor and then assistant manager for so long. I have a lot more confidence in my perceptions and judgements, & I have the self-assurance to assert these things. And this is only really the tip of the iceberg with all the differences.

I just feel like an entirely different person, almost. The cores are the same, or at least damn near similar, with the things I want out of life & the sorts of things I enjoy, but it's like. The difference between finding a random rock off the side of the road & then that rock when it's been sanded and carved and decorated to be something individual and unique. You look at them side by side and it's something dull vs something shiny and intricate. The origins can't be ignored and dismissed, & I certainly would never resent younger me for just doing the best with what I knew at the time. But it's just astounding how much difference time and experience will have for growing and developing as a person. Things I consider integral to my personhood weren't even thoughts in my mind back then. We are almost entirely different people.

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Saw one of the mean girl group (four or five big writers) anyway, day absolute ruined, I though -I was sure- I had them all blocked.

(They write a lot of basic white(gringo) dark fanfic, so maybe I'm just taking it the bad way. But I genuinely think they mean bitches, doing exactly the popular girls proces, where something is omg so funny heheha so crazy😜 until is done by someone out of their group (or simply on a bad day), then suddenly is "Can't you take this seriously 😠? You are disrespecting me as a person/writer, blocked💅"

What am i saying? I don't dislike them, I fucking hate them.

[guinevereslancelot]

how do i stop feeling like i'm in trouble all the time fr. sitting here on my lunch break like everyone's gonna be soooo mad when u get back...from lunch...which you are allowed to have.....(?)

[gibbearish]

am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes

[volfoss]

It's really funny comparing the sims 4 retail experience to the sims 2 retail experience because the sims 2 has it beat easily

[crescentmp3]

went outside today! was quite fun ^^

[onrainynights]

🕯️manifesting my promotion🕯️

[spaghett-onaplate]

i hate/love the feeling of enjoying and loving something SO much that you're already grieving the fact it won't last, already feeling the sadness of the fact it will be over

[xxxstraightfromtheheartxxx]

Read my tags first, ran out of space.

Note: I change my mind a few times throughout this text post, what I began with is not entirely what I ended with. And I’m not even sure of the ‘conclusion’ I got to. However I’m too tired to try and figure the rest out about it right now. Might change this post later when I have made up my mind or got more questions about it. Heads up! Spelling- and other mistakes in writing, were made. Frequently.

I know my tags make me a hypocrite and that’s one of the judgemental thought processes I’ve been fighting/growing against most for a while now.

I expect people to think similarly to me about this and that’s not within my right, they don’t owe me anything for the choice I decided to make and put the hard work in for. That I’ve suffered for it and for the patience I’ve had to bring up towards others being judgemental and having prejudices they didn’t fight within themselves. The frustration I keep feeling every time I have to explain to other adults how to respect accept and see minorities or marginalised groups as equal in worth to themselves. It’s so tiring, and I’m just white, I can’t imagine what it must be like to try and have these conversations to protect yourself and your family and friends and loved ones over and over again whilst still experiencing racist comments assumptions treatment behaviour bullying exclusion exploitation… through systemic racism, racist communities,through so many facets of their lives.

I feel like I’ve been shouting for equality. Not sure if that’s the best most respectful word for it in english, in my language literally translated our word means ‘equally worthy”. And to me that means that from birth we should all be treated with the same amount of respect love and acceptance. It’s only society, nurture that causes this inequality to exist, that not only allows but encourages prejudices and othering for power. Shouting at people who seemingly just refuse to open their eyes, minds and hearts and keep humanity from growing into healthier behavioural patterns in the future. They refuses to put in more effort to try our best to avoid wars, make the idea of hurting another person out of anything other than self defence, be heavily rejected, punished. Instead of not saving each other out of fear for economic and political threats to our own habitants and countries. To be unified so firmly by the absolute belief that violence is wrong, that those fears wouldn’t even be an issue because we’re all know all the other countries will still have our backs and we’d be able to function without the country that’s trying to start or continue a war, while only having to put in mild effort to be entirely independent from the threatening county, as humanity instead of as “individual countries”. It would cut the county/group at war of their resources entirely, which would endanger them to much to be able to actually be able to hold out being at war and making an actual big difference in the big picture of our common humanity. I know there are many weapons that could destroy so many at the same time, yet they would be poisoning the ground they so gladly wish to live on. (Ofcourse this is an ideal that is almost utopian).

This is the goal I thought we were all collectively working towards throughout our entire lives. To eventually be able to all come together in the far away future. All of the warmhearted people in the world.

And therefore we have to start within our small circle of influence and be open to try and learn to understand and respect each other with our differences and similarities, To expect people to be good and ourselves to put effort in it.

However completely swerved away from my original point. But it is the root of that frustration, hurt, disappointment and envy I experience when I see or hear or feel negative judgement .

People have been calling me stern and too strict and rigid in thought more in the last 4 years. It’s because I’ve been responding to prejudices and discriminatory behaviour and ideas verbally, and I have to admit about 50% of the time quite hard, not disrespectful, but clear. I’ve been setting boundaries over what way there can be spoken about others and myself with me. This week I even threatened to leave the room and wouldn’t continue conversing with them if they didn’t then stop casually using the n-word, while knowing it is wrong and hurtful and what my opinion and feeling was towards it. They called my stern and frowned and sighed but at least could bring it up not to say it with me around anymore. I know I haven’t changed their behaviour without my presence this way and it saddens me to feel them rejecting that part of myself that’s at the core of me. My moral core believe of equality.

When people won’t widen their view for one minority it makes me feel unsafe as part of multiple other minorities. I’m a queer womxn with persistent mental health issues, who isn’t able to work because of it and I’m neurodivergent and have some invisible fysical issues (I have loads of allergies which used to give me big rashes of eczema in my envoys and knees and later hands and feet, it has improved a lot, the amount of allergies keeps expanding though) ( I have a very small amount of energy compared to most people my age because of having to put in too much effort as a child and teen) to take care of others and secretly fighting feelings of depression). I’m lucky to be middle-class, white and have affordable healthcare here. All of these other aspects have made life harder for me throughout my entire life. Yet others have mostly blamed me and pestered me, excluded and avoided me for my inabilities and difference, including the inability to l love men.

It feels unfair that I try so hard to be accepting, understand and respectful of others, and not get the same amount of effort and care back… which is hypocrite of me, because the people I want to make the biggest changes never asked me to do all that. And while their lives are often so much easier specifically on the those societal aspects, does that make them owe me that effort back?

I feel like yes, they should, because they have more space for it, for questioning their prejudices than us. Because of the privileges of the main beliefs in their society, they didn’t have to lift a finger for throughout their entire lives. For all of the freedom and respect they’ve just got thrown in their laps, that took up so much of our lives for us to assemble a resemblance to their quality of life.

(Many people who have to fight for their lives daily, do not have that time or space so they only get to grow slower and are part of minority or marginalised groups as well. Bc evidently their is a lot of prejudice within those groups towards the other groups who are also being pressed down.)

I don’t know if I still think it’s hypocrite of me to expect people to put effort in being good. I don’t think so. The length they are able to go through to make those improvements however, I should bare in mind stronger again, like I used to.

If I give up on following my moral compass on this, I’ll never be the person I hope to be one day. I do feel like I deserve to give myself a break and be forgiving about those negative thoughts because they come from a desire for righteousness and good. Recognise, reject, correct, forgive and trust that I’ll do better next time because it is what I truly want to in the long run. I show myself to not always respond and to better pick my battles, so I can persevere and rebuild my energy for when I can make a bigger impact In the braided context or my own. However when I notice bad behaviour or judgement towards others, I do use little parts of it to give them a correcting look or to speak up for someone else or recently even for myself.

Totally did not see this rant coming!!

I knew this theme has been more at the front of my mind again recently and that I’ve been prickly about it, yet I hasn’t reflected on its origin as deeply as I did just now. So here, little amount of people this will reach, have some personal information from my brain and my heart.

.

I’ve been typing this for so long and my attention span has loosened throughout writing. I don’t supposes I’ve managed to make everything clear, I got more and more tired and created some weird sentence structures and maybe grammar and def phrasing to try to get my point through or at least comprehended.

Don’t come at me about the war part, I know it is unrealistic to achieve anything like that in our lifetimes.

Yet I’m holding onto this dream for dear life. Otherwise what is there? To grow towards, to live for? It all comes to recognising, appreciating, sharing and maintaining the good there is now and nurturing the good to come.

The way you change your immediate reactions to things is that you catch yourself having an uncharitable/bigoted/overly judgmental thought and you catch it and replace it and then you do that a hundred times a day for your whole life and eventually one day like five years later you realize that you think differently now and you’ll always be working on something but that’s how life goes and that’s fine.