#atenceladusiaawfytbwb me be saying 🤠🧐

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

I love love love LOVE that in every 'Tsu'tey x reader', Jake is this backgroundish character that's is either one (and only one) of these four. Just-

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

HELL YEAH 🗣🎤🎙🔊📣📢🔈👄🥺😾😭🏞🌊🥺😾

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

I've been reading avatar ff nonstop. Like... this last couple days I've done nothing but read... Q... Q-Quaritchxreader. I- I don't know!! I just- Uh I! Uhhhh.... I'm sorry 😞

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Just saw across the spiderverse. Aight, a year or something, I've seen plenty of stuff/spoilers, read (!!!) plenty of fanfic (The guy (Miguel) goes out there chasing in all fours, has talons and fangs... come on! It was inevitable), it still was an absolute surprise. No matter how much I've gotten through the months (and I've never avoid or tried to avoid any spoiler) it was just-

You don't get it. It's not a good movie, or excellent, there are no words. Jesus fucking christ, I witnessed a miracle. It wasn't perfect or astonishing -again, there are no words- it's more like, everything humankind has ever achieved, it was to get to this. All forms of media, of art and of creation, thorought the centuries, it all was so Across the Spiderverse was made.

I knew it was going to be good, remarkably good and amazing. And still I was struck, smacked across the face, air knocked out of my lungs. Not the best movie ever made, but the best thing in general, in the entire universe.

Also also, I knew, plenty, that punk spider/hobie was super cool. And still, amazing, omg omg omg omg, I had been so busy thirsting over Miguel (still kinda am(again, those chasing scenes with him all feral in four??? lord forgive me for w-(buuut!! i mean in general, like as a whole character,)) but Hobie is just- there are no words, just that I love him and I'd trust him and only him. No no no, not just a great character or my favourite, its- Aaaaaahhhhh he is uhhhhh- I don't know how to express it HE IS AWESOME (again, as an entire character (and every single aspect of him- God he is ahhh 'wonderful' is too short of a word)) and that's gonna have to do it. I'm happy he exists, I'm happy there's such spider, I'm happy the entire move exists, idk, it's worth being alive or something idk idk

Tldr

* smatsv is unbelievable good. Not just the best movie, but the best thing to ever happen to me and humanity in general

*(((feral Miguel (again, sorry to insist, but the chasing scenes, with him all feral in all fours scratching and digging his talons- good lord) )))

*I adored with my whole heart Hobie Brown /spider-punk. Not nearly enough of him. Nonetheless, fucking excelent, perfect, amazing. I need him as an individual, (I'll chanel him- idk! Just, ill try to make him proud (???idk idk idk???!!!! I literally just rip)

* Miles Morales is the absolute best. Like, why comparisons at this point? Sorry PP(and aaalll others), it's all gonna be Spider-punk and Miles Morales in this house.

*Sorry all other media, comics and stuff, it's gonna be smatsv and smatsv only in this house, for ever. (And the first one too, sure, but, you know)

(I'm not even exaggerating. I'll be forever chasing this, am I not? But I mean, yes!!! I deserve it, everything around me should be like this, all I see and read, watch and listen to, everithing!... this should be the expectation, not the miraculous miracle. Being alive, being a free person, it all should be like this. - Oh god, this is an absolute new side of unhinged, for me. You know, its always like this and that, 'violent' or 'big eyed' or the classic 'horny'. This is, idk, between too personal and cosmical, like truly---- I dont fucking know. Just- Bye) (((But then away, it's like this made me realize that everything should be like this, I want being alive to be exiting, goddammit)))

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

(Fifty tabs on Murdock x reader???? Like, I remember being infatuated for a second, but 50??!!! Even Billy that I fancy wayyyy more has only 10. So 😐 (yeah yeah, gotta fix that- On it!))

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Yeah so I'm 100 % not going back to my

previous psychologist because wtf, no. But still sucks because it's been him for like 6 years, and now looking for a new one, and to reach that level of familiarity, and the many many first sessions that would be a recount of past events/my life... uufff. But yeah. I mean, the possibilities? What what if I found some queer woman? A feminist?! 🥺 But whatever. What's for sure, I think, I ain't going back to a man (although my psychiatrist and neurosurgeon are indeed men, and are amazing, understanding, and overall angels, soooo uhhh I'll see what I can find) ((oh good to do all that 'scouting' with my insurance comp yyyyuuuuckkkkkkk😞😞😞😞😞)) (also, it's most definitely going to be online, but now I'm (fucking finally) at a point where I think I'd enjoy a person to person? So, that too (its a rather small town here))

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Just ugh 😒🤢

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

To be Joker for a second

Called to schedule a medical appointment. Got attended, once again, by the most stupid human on this planet. Literally, no joking pr exaggerating, the most brainless fuckhead this planet has seen. Every👏 single 👏time👏 this woman has been peak *shootmeintheface😘* *literallypaintthewallswithmiguts🥰* very very very stupid like very stupid stupidest bitch, and very very very haughty, disgusting fucker, and I know she's fucking miserable but still can't wait for her to die of the most painful incurable unstoppable and most dehumanizing cancer or something 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

(It wasn't a bad day, she's attended me 4 different times and every time the stupid fucking bitch is the most stupid fucking bitch)

There is good too, first: I've had some wonderful people helping me across my different illnes, specially psyq stuff (like imagine this disrespect while seeking a psychologist, ha! (This time it was something physiological)

Second: she is alive, and life can be so so so painful and twisted and she is truly on the path to annoy the right person and she'll appear on the news or something 🙏🙌 Truly, have the day you deserve, you absolute pos

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

(((Also also I always try to comment, not just

a heart emoji, but I try to mention what I liked the mos what I think, how much I loved it, quote it, etc etc ahhhhh but this time it was like, you know, one of those times, where I genuinely wanted to talk and comment on every single bit and I loved so much and I couldn't wait and to actually get vulnerable/personal, put bits of my own visions and believes (im NOT being dramatic) just Ahhhhhhh this is how every single experience should feel, and it can't I now, but it should. (Ohhh here comes yhe fall down of a long period of begging and crawling to get again the 'stareyed'. Tee-hee😋)

(Again. Fucking Quaritch???!!! (And Tsu'tey like bro I barely know you. But that's how love is. Literally like yeah kind of a stretch but it's too uhhhh you know, like to the point. Pardon the cheese, but it does come from where and when you least expect it 🕊 (which also reminds me, one of the most painfully sad heartbreaking story I've read lately, was a Thomas Shelby one that I read half jokingly like 'lol I just like the cliche mafiaboss persona. Whatever'. And then. 😐

Tldr this is how every experience should be and it isn't and I tried of course and focus on it even if too egotistical. But it can't, but it should (like watching smatsv. It all should feel like that )

(((Also also, uhhh maybe it was good it was tsu'tey, like it watered down a little bit. Had it been anyother I had an attachment, even if just a little, I'd again be suffering like with the Tommy one. (((((Hahah but don't I yearn for it?)))))

Just :) FUCK

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Hi!! After weeks of genuinely looking for it I once again, again, finally, found one of those amazing fanfics, like unbelievable well written and full of heart and soul. It was tragic, and he died and she didn't died as well but worse, got to leave and grieve and move on. And it's on me its on me isn't it? :)))))))))

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Faces of my fidget cube (12 fucking faces can't believe it could swear there where like three)

1) Button 9/10 just a button, feels good, the push and recoil, quite satisfactory

2)switch button 7/10 it's okay, the feedback could be a lot "perkier"

3) slide buttons 1/10 fucking awful, no feedback, no recoil no resistance, fucking nothing

4) balls 1/10 three fucking useless balls, just there,

fucking hate them, I tried pulling them hard (they're silicone) hoping they were resistance fidget. It fucking came off, bitch fuck it

5)rolls 2/10 there is a super faint feedback/resistance. Again, if you are gonna put fucking three of them, at the very fucking list vary their resistance. They are just fucking there

6) spot -10/10 what the fuck? It's literally just a dent in the plastic. What the fuck do you want me to do? Roll my thumb over it "oh yeah, an almost imperceptible concave surface" what the fuck? Fuck it what the fuck

7)texture 0/10 again, what the fuck? At the very fucking least there is some silicone relieve, but still, what the fuck?

8) Buttons 5/10 they are there, you can press them, there is a meh feedback, whatever

9) roll button 9/10 hell yeah flat texturised button that you can both roll and push, satisfactory feedback, like that yoinki recoil. Yummy

10) Ball 0/10 like the three balls but here is just one, slightly bigger. Fucking waste of space what the fuck

11) joystick 7/10 it moves, meh recoil

12) FUCK YOU WHAT THE FUCK AN ENTIRE FUCKING FACE FOR THE STUPID HANDLE? WHAT THE FUCK "OH IT COUNTS AS A RUBBER BAND-" EAT SHIT WHAT THE FUCK

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Gonna taste tequila for the very first time (I think??? Yeah)

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

So, 🙏😤 for my mental health, for the

wellbeing of little ol' me 😠☝️- nah not serious, at all, but actually, yeah. So, no more oneshots or prompts or all that 1 'page', 1 chapter coded, I YEARN for the long fanfic, the 60.000+ words, 12+ chapters, or something among those lines. So, back to it. I've been so caught up on the 'oh, a harmless oneshot' and I'm kinda wasted. I do miss being entire days absorbed in a long story 🥺 (I've been a lot on ao3 again lately, so yeah. And no, not that I don't apreciate or enjoy oneshots/1 single promp things, but oh god I've been so caught up on them, because, you know, ugh such an effort to look up the long stuff and find one that I like, and the aclimating/engaging at first (since they rend to be slow burn, serious slowburn) No more distractions!!! Or not as much... I don't know I'm trying and want to try harder)(I'm already disappointed.... ughshshbdbdbs😞)

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

I have two big good Mangos, to eat them with salt. I really really want to eat mango with salt. I'd have to wash them and peel them and ughhhhh ( they're big, and it's difficukt-even painful- to peel them, and just.... ugh. Besides, it's just two Mangos, what if I eat them and it's so good I crave more? Mmh? I would have to go all the way to the store!! And repeat the process all over again!!!! 😔 this is the bad timeline. Earth it's literally a purgatory.)

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

🙄🙄🙄🙄 Spider saving Quaritch???!! Come on!!! Light years away from here, wonders literally beyond human comprehension, AND STILL manage to make it catholic???!!!! Just ugh 🤮🤢🤮

(Fucking hate this trope: saving the unsalvable🥺, forgiving the unforgivable 😌 because in the end, family- BRO, SHOOT HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE. What are you doing? What do you expect? Even if you are a hardcore 'death only brings more death', killing Quaritch is like the one and only smart, decent, sensible thing to do! What the fuck man 🙄 (no no no you don't get it I PASSIONATELY HATE this))(even if later Quaritch comes out of a cave all 'Oh I see! I understand! War bad, na'vi and Eeywa good!' Still he would 100% deserved to explode on the spot. Frustrating) (((also also that one soldier chewing gum and blowing gum bombs? Peak white soldier ((mostly usa and idf)), should've died way slower and horriblier, as a cinematic treat. Yeah yeah, i know it's not about a specific place/army/ethnicity(?), but an example of the absolute apathy of the armed forces. But there's by far no biggest universal example than the white soldier from a white, first world, western, global North nation (one of those 7 or 9 countries or something) )))

It's also kinda infuriating because Cameroon is, you know, yuck. Anyway, uhhh nice movie overall, liked the first one way more.

AH BUT ALSO, Neitiry, honey, Jake was an absolute asshole, and if it wasn't because he turned out to be into Na'vi he would have been the paragon of a genocide 15 years ago, but haha handsome husband. And spider, who is 1) more Na'vi than Jake 2) still a kid. And you go all oh no, demon. Girl... (all that BEFORE Spider saved Quaritch. Because now, after that, Neity can gut the kid and I would certainly not judge)

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Watching -finally- avatar 2 twow. Nothing too special for me, but uh, a reminder, you know.

Even with all the colorful, watered down, euphemisms and white saviours lense... Colonialism really is the absolute worse huh. Like duh, I know and you know and everyone knows, but ahhh. How could we ever move on from the atrocities? Idk, it's like, anything can be a horror if you put a little effort on it, there are not absolutes. And yet, colonialism is the absolute worst. There is no other scenario I think, where you can so swiftly put all and every war crime, all and every clueless most sadistic bite than during an invasion/seige/conquer. And we've move from it and how could we, how could we thousands of years ago, five hundred years ago, today, right now. Hahaha check those silly whales, haha, I hate being alive, I hate living in a man's world, I hate 1world complaining the wave of immigrants from Africa, you all absolute sick shits, I hate how little I do. I hate whale hunting and the whole meat industry- I hate I ate meat again because I "just craved it too much".

Of course, when I read and learned about Rwanda, Nanjim, El Salado (from my home, colombia) it was just- that feeling, I told myself, I have to just, understand it and then, put it in the back of my head, because how else could I keep on living? It feels so cruel now. And it's like, me just here lying in bed, reading, that is the bare minimum, I'm not taking advantage, right? I don't want to do anything I guess. And I don't, and right now, with wathever atrocities going on in Sudan and Palestina, in a hamlet in Cauca or Putumayo, I do nothing, and I ask my parents what would be our escape plan, you know, for when it reaches us. "Don't think about that mija, that happens there. Never here, never here"