#atenceladusiaawfytbwb me be saying 🤠🧐

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

HELL YEAH 🗣���🎙🔊📣📢🔈👄🥺😾😭🏞🌊🥺😾

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

hi, uhm I FUCKING CAN NOT 🙂

(After my tags ranting(selfdiscovering)) and I'm proud of how hard I would fight against it and how hard I'd fight against it and how fucking hard I'd fucking fight against it. Fucckkk ittttt 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

But also what? Can't you just fucking surrender? (no 😐) I mean, ahhhhhhhhh I know whtat I'm thinking and what I meaning but it sounds like such a pain and effort to write and ex p lain it. Just know I'm so right and I'm also so interesting and complex.

((Something something, a setting with like idk a kidnapped reader would be less stressing than this ugh blissful ugh romance ugh can't escape your ugh instincts ugh ugh ugh. Because the dark tragic first one is that and is presented and meant and worked through like that, while the second is put like some romance troubling 'ugh this dirty instincts are spilling out my bra oh my! will someone save this naughty naughty girl' teehee(🤢🤢🤮🤮). So yeah yeah yeah. ¡BITE OFF HIS FACE, GIRL! WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!!

💆‍♀️ I'm so complex and interesting. But also everything in me makes sense and fits right in and flows. Ah, perfect 👌

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

I had a nice introspective session just now, ((At least half an hour of sharing my reflection in an imaginary theater with an interviewer and audience, all listening and respectful. A long heartfull applause by the end)) idk, I feel less hateful and angry and combative, for now, for now... 🥰🥰🥰🥰

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

BTW block has usually being like 'lol what too much it's not that serious Yada yada'

And it is true ☝️It extensively isn't that serious -it's never been like something ideologically, deep rooted thinking, personal taste- it always uuuuh stick to the basic, the 'sides' like of course a writing, a ff can be so important and a reflection of the writers values and a cornerstone or whatever, but, still, what? Lol no, I'll leave, complain ev3n, but just leave. Bit ahhhh it is a middle point, Kay? No, it's not the creators ideology about races, but it can be more waaay more than the 'fun thing I write in 15 min'

So, let's say, it's an abo fic about Brbbsbslohfj the alien stallion and it has toe lactation and oviposition -all rather too outsideish - right? But you know here and there, ( ive thoroughly complained what actually emotionally iiiiirrrrrcccckkkssss mae) the classical 'omgsgg dick so good I'll forgive everything omgomggg' (that is excellent whatever when the pic's point is 'Dick so good reader forgives transgressions', but on passing? On an actual fic with the other actual problems and pull that out of the creators asss? Ha) and it's a no. GOD, NO.

Tfldfr block seemed to exesive, but if I stopped followiong/didn't follow after the content in the writing it was for something, like maybe petty or whatever, but it was for something. I barely, barely retain a memories of a person's pfp, if anything! Barely! And tumblr of course would just oh hey maybe you want to read this now (those 'you might like) and offc I would read the current thing not knowing the previous thing and not remembering the pfp (leave it alone the name) and then, follow?! (Again?!) I mean even the blogs owner (supposing the have literally absolutely nothing (better but anything at all) to do) might see me there and be like 'You heathen!😠🫵' and they'd be right, but of course I didn't mean to, so yeah duh of course blocking it's actually good, necesarey even, and this, sadly, had to be my discovering journey because I tried to be a whimsical 'Oh, no blocking, just bye 🧚‍♀️' but wasn't about being or beingn't nice, it was the utilitarian aspect of it.

Again, tldr

I'll star blocking because girl what I may had been just obliviously refollowing and that's not good. So, may it been the tiniest pettiest (not really, I have an excellent infallible criteria, but I'm also so godamn humongusly humble, so-) most intracendent thing, I'll be blocking. And yes, of course, OF COURSE I had to announce it and I had to announce it like longly, like check all this paragraphs jfc

Again again tldr I'll star blocking like a sport, because tumblr doesn't understand it (help me) the nice way🥵😈. Totally 100% personal though, yes.

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

That's it 😠 back to mysterious and quiet silent, unreachable, unreadable, misunderstood me 😠😠😠

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Regulate myself instead of oversharinng??? (🙂‍↔️) < Yapping till I'm ✨️ expend✨️(🙂‍↕️) TMI

I got a hair collagen that actually and for real works. I yearn for a greasy well seasoned steak🥺 but I'm trying to not eat meat (and so far the horror of thinking about the meat industry is far bigger than my yearn, but still 😔����) (('hey, how's collagen acquired 🤠?)) Ahhhhhhhhhh. Mmmm? Omelas here and there comes to mind (?) (In a good way, fight for justice and a difference way) I want to make my own jewelry, but turns out you need skill and resources? Wtf? 😠😠 I'm currently hungry but I'm also on a 'distaste' period, so I don't want to disappoint myself that fucking bad (in contrast, I might stuff little ol me later 😐 (it's not serious or extreme at all, but still 😐)) Mmmmm greasy well seasoned steack, no rice no anything, just steack mmmmmm🤤 (😞😠😞😠😞) It's not TMI because I contain multitudes ☝️😠🤓) mmm what's this void? Hahaha? Oh it goes deep! Haha? Oh it's deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Leonardo da Vinci 🤝 Me

Uncompleted, Unfinished, Abandoned, Half assed, Midway, Partial, Halfdone, Unacomplished, Unconcluded, Homosexual, Fractional, Halfdone, Unpolished, Incomplete, Started and ditched, Bored and done, Halfbaked, 'I'll finish it Monday', 'Starting ten new projects as we speak', 'Will all ten be abandoned as well', 'The rush is gone before the piece is mastered', Left in the lurch, Given up, Godforsaken,

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

The prospects of IA working to SETI?! Omg omg omg omg omg omg. -yeah yeah nothing new might happen... but what if???? My eyes full of outerspace wonder--> ⭐️👃⭐️🌌🌌🌌🌠🌠

(Too introspective as I tag and tag 😞 (hopeless-nessly-er)

Never mind, we'll get to Mars and call it a night huh, aren't we aren't we 🙁😠

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

And there we fucking go again, oh, feeling like Bart on that Thanksgiving episode, monologuing, and realizing he really hurt Lisa.

But also 🙂 don't comment or interact at all, you don't exist and you're a coward and wtf you aren't even real you have absolutely no importance nor is your time or effort of Ani value. Read and exit.

Let me write an ambiguous 😬 then? 'No, that's either too mean or just plain passive agresive, at least be direct or straightforward what's this baby behavior?' And so on and so on. ((((( 🧐☝️"Say something nice or don't say anything at all" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)((Are you fuckingseriousyoupatheticcunt?justbefuckingnice AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH))))))

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

A very important part/reason for me sharing my ff (Abbyxreader) is that vulnerability thing.

You know, the I try to comment, interact (on ff but anything un general) and I do try to do the uh skip, a lot, but sometimes as a bitch but genuinely also as an 'I exist' (😬😐😬) person, I do comment my displeasure? If you call it that? (Because I fucking feel like it, block me 🥱), the classic "lol, what (😒)(🥱(😬)(🤨) vibes, anyway, I got my back exposed with that? You get it, my imaginary friend/enemy? I share this very important (because as casual as I try to make it look, my ff are very very important and dear and precious to me) because I comment on other's works or thought, and it did gave me the 'ugh staring down at the pauperd from my luxurious balcony' when I didn't share anything of my own (my writings, stories, Abby ff in this case). No, it doesn't really change anything at all, not what I do and how I interact, nor my ✨️creative/writing process✨️ but there it is, just so you know 🤷‍♀️ Maybe it's all round and round trying to deflect the attention, skip the fact, that whatever supercasual story I write has actually my entire heart and I did work really really hard on it and put all my effort on it and want it to be excelent and known and apreciates by others but oh lol I just write this in 15 min

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

I just broke like 7 eggs. Opened the fridge and the tray they were on flipped to the floor. Eggs that I was gonna give my parents because I've gotten the ick lately (flavour. (but also chickens labor and animal welfare)) "Oh no the poor chickens" *process to throw away several eggs* I kinda hate myself or something idk 🙃 dumb bitch 🙃 you stupid useless bitch.

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST hahahaha whatthefuckkk???? Ok, sure, whatever 🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

It's like, with everything, reader is raped and chronically abused???? Sure, why the fuck not, fuck yeah you might even say. Because duh, check how she survives, strong or feeble, conscious or totally stockholmed, whatever. ✨️✨️✨️✨️explore✨️✨️✨️✨️ make it even scarier, more painful, sluttier -the sky is the limit.

Reader is called a whore? Unironically, and they make our and fuck because you see actually they violently desire each other and thats hot??? 🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 AHHAHAHAHA yeah sure 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 it'll be even hotter when I LITERALLY 😆😜🤪😝😂 burn him alive.

((It also puts thing in perspec5ive I guess? I've read and even fucking enjoyed stories where reader is a completely tortured cocksleve, crawling herself to freedom, or revenge, or to be at the very least on the good side of her masters/monsters. To a redemption, to a scape, to become an accomplice even, and hurt, whoever- innocents even- just so she doesn't feel that pain. And she still loses, and she's still draw under by her ankles, nothing but a wet hole in a mans world??????? I'd read that every👏 position👏 to 👏Sunday👏, before another 'ugh he forced himself upon her ugh and it was so erotic and hot and ugh made her ugh realize her true inner desires ugh so hot' literally 🤢🤮

(((((That's not dark, or 'immoral' writing. Or hot or problematic or selfindulgemt. It's shit.))))))

(((((((((((OFNFJKDJDOSJ but everyone is free to write whatever they want YES FUCKING YES AVSOLUTELY THATS WHY IM HERE COMPLAINING -AND BLOCKING' NOT SENDIND THREATS OR HATEFUL ANONS OR MESSAGES OR SMOTHERIMG THEM TO DEATH?????? JUST IN CASE JUST IN FUCKING CASE))))))))))))))

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Very happy and ✨️superior✨️ because I realized a dream 🥰🥰 I dreamed I was walking on the treadmill and, for how long, how far? And I just couldn't stare at the number, they just didn't make sense. So I was like, wait a darn minute, where is it that I can't read numbers/words- oh, this is a dream! And bitch! I immediatly I woke up 😌 I'm just that mentally strong, you wouldn't understand 💆‍♀️💅.

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Sometimes I just have to 😞😐🙁🥱 on some stuff, like when they say "oh he fingered you, and you saw stars, and 🤯" because lol. No. Just- just no. Did I ever get to experience that, even? I started antidepressants before I could do it good, even by myself, so it's like??? No??? Duh, no. Anyway, some of those reflections of things I've missed in exchange of not killing myself. It's bad, bad bad. Like I don't think I've ever peaked, it's always been more like 'meh, done'.

Well, there was one time, and it was truly amazing, but it happened precisely because I wasn't taking my meds, and halfway -when there's no coming back- I got an horrifying, disgusting thought, intrusive. And lo and behold, my best time is at this point nothing sexual or tender or good, just that disgusting disgusting horrific thought.

"Oh, y/n was so horny and wet she just had tho ride his tight for a minute" And yeah, hot, sure. But deep down, what? No. What???😞😐🙁🥱 uhum.

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Speaking of my actual psychologist, he has several times made feel 'yellow wallpaperish' talk to him about war, current wars and how they make feel, the terrors! 'Oh well don't watch the news'. Talk to him about femicides and how worrying it is and the utter apathy and sadism from men? 'Oh, don't look at that up on social media'. Talk to him about me trying no to eat meat, the horrors of the meat industry Jesus fucking christ? 'Oh, well, you are not supposed to think about that! I never think about that when I eat meat'

Just send me a season to the beach to breath fresh air and find a fair husband already, then 🙂 you stupid bitch 🖕🖕🖕🖕 He's been really helpful, mostly, but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'll look for new stuff, and, besides looking for a lady/queer psychologist, I will (long due, loooong due i know (but its a proces too, like hes also helped me to be more like me and speak up you know ahh)) stop him✋️ 🫸 with those crappy answers

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

No, nothing illegal but BRO FUCKING COME ON! COME ON!

Talking to my psychologist, male, about my weight and stuff. So I mention that I exercise, okay sure, but the other side you know food, it's important, and he fucking ask me: and food huh? Tell me, what are we putting into that little mouth of yours

😐 What. In. The. Everloving. Fuck 🤢🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮

Well it was Spanish " Que nos estamos metiendo a la boquita, a ver" or something

And no, absolutely nothing graphic or illegal, 🙃 it's just you fucking know, I am an adult woman he is an adult man (old man) and he knows and I know and you all know AND EVERYONE FUCKING KNOWS BUT WHATEVER LOL HAHAH JUST SOMETHING HAHA NO IMPORTANCE I'm so disgusted. I'll tell mom and tell you what she says, I truly hope for a decent: what the fuck, that's the worst way you could phrase that, what the fuck. But truly fear a: stop looking into it, it was just an expresion

He's been my psychologist for like 3 years, we do Not talk like that. Idk maybe he wasn't even paying attention, but I do have every right to be utterly disgusted right? Not actually asking, I do, I know I do, what the fuck. Anyway man ruin everything, they truly do, Yada, Yada... what wouldn't I do for a lady doctor, or a queer doctor, OR BOTH EVEN!!! 😞