#The next chapter will be from Xichen's POV!

[guqin-and-flute]

Are You Here to Stop Me? –Ch. 7 [Peony to Lotus!Verse, Yaoli]

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5][Chapter 6] [First post in Peony to Lotus Verse]

[Ao3 Series]

[CW: Mention of blood, canon and era typical internalized ableism and misogyny from Yanli]

"You're sure you don't need me to get your parasol, furen?" 

Yanli opened her eyes to the buttery autumn sun and smiled up at her maid, who hovered by her elbow like a nervous bird. "A-Si, I’m fine--” she began to insist, gently.

But the girl was already spinning, hurrying away up the garden path and calling back over her shoulder; “I’d better get it, just in case! I’ll be right back!” 

With a sigh of fond surrender, Yanli settled back into her heavily cushioned chair, hands resting on her stomach. Nothing moved inside, yet, and it was no more round than it ever was, but there was life there. Wen Qing--Qing-mei, as she had begun to call her in the weeks they had spent so much time together--was certain of it.

Yanli was certain of it, now, as well. In the weeks following the diagnosis, she had felt the changes beginning, quite apart from her the recovery symptoms of lingering wet heaviness in her chest. There was the horrid nausea and sickness in the mornings, the aversion to foods she once loved, a craving for foods of a strange combination. Her belly didn’t look any different, but it certainly felt fuller. And she was so tired. Wen Qing had assured her and A-Yao that it was normal when she was recovering as well as metabolizing for 2.

And ever since the fact had “accidentally” gotten its way around to the rest of her family, as well as the Wen, the servants, and disciples, she was being treated as if she might trip and fall to pieces at any moment--treatment which she amiably bore. Even if it was excessive. Would such pampering really go on for 9 whole months? Her health had always been fragile but now, she hardly had a moment alone! 

“You’ve hardly grown at all, yet, and everyone is taking such good care of you,” she murmured down to her own belly, slowly rubbing it.

 She wasn’t certain exactly how news got out, as she and A-Yao had intended to wait the 3 customary months to announce the pregnancy--but somehow, everyone in Lotus Pier now knew. She might have suspected A-Xian, with his mischievous streak as wide as the lake, or A-Cheng, who was truly terrible at keeping any secret back from his face; but it just as well might have been given away by the fact that she couldn’t stop cradling her middle or the way that A-Yao’s doting attention on her had increased tenfold. 

Besides, A-Xian was far too preoccupied working himself ragged reviving poor Wen Ning, and A-Cheng too busy entrenched in the steps of that cutthroat political dance he must perform to gossip with anyone. It took all of their attention just to keep this whole affair afloat. 

She let out a sigh, watching her belly rise and fall with her breath, the tiny purple beads on her hanfu sparkling with every movement. They were all now in an uncomfortable stalemate—which, she supposed, was better than one of the alternatives, being outright war. From what she heard of the initial meeting, it had been tense and heavy, just barely above outright threats. Yanli was just as happy not to have been in any shape to go to Koi Tower and have to face anyone there. A-Cheng seemed incredibly stressed about the outcome, from what she had seen of him, and Yao seemed unhappy, but simply assured her that it was to be expected, assured them all that his father was keeping a wary eye on the other Sects. Jin Guangshan was too politically savvy, he said, to act purely from anger. They still had time to maneuver. And other meetings scheduled.

Even then, they had received plenty of correspondence of outrage, from rival and allied Sects alike—some even from their own people. They had not forgotten the pain of being occupied as a Supervisory Office. The wounds of the loss of all of those in the Lotus Pier compound were not even scarred over, yet, still red and furious. A-Yao was doing things behind the scenes to work on public opinion, but had once described it as carefully walking a tightrope. Yanli would agree, and secretly add that it felt as if it were one high in the air, above crashing waters and hungry mouths. The Jiang still held a strong standing in the jianghu, solid reputation held there equally by the legacy of their parents and A-Cheng's monumental success in the rebuilding of their Sect at his age.

But the children of the Jiang knew better than anyone, save perhaps the other Clans wiped out by the Qishan Wen, to never rely on that remaining true. They were not safe yet. There were miles yet to go, in this.

She wished she could be of more help, but she was still too weak to do much else besides be led about to bask in the shade, as she did now. Today was the first time in a long time she had felt well enough to consider reading, or perhaps embroidery. Maybe even cooking something simple, if she had help. And, in truth, there was not much she could do amidst the street gambler’s Shell Game they were attempting to pull with the Wen amidst the already complicated match of go they always played with the rest of the jianghu. 

And so, the leak of who told who about the pregnancy remained a mystery. It didn’t truly bother her; the excitement and congratulations, A-Yuan’s sweet, probing questions. She was just as relieved to be able to not have to keep a secret on top of the upwelling of emotions that swamped her daily. Elation. Terror. Anticipation. Pride. Anxiety. Satisfaction. And, of course, love.

Most of all love.

She had hardly been able to properly absorb what Wen Qing was saying that day, to express the elation and terror that coursed through her--and through A-Yao as well, if the shock in his pale face had been anything to go by--before Qing-mei had somehow herded him out of their room after A-yuan and closed the door firmly behind them. “Jiang-furen,” she had said, coming to sit on the edge of her bed. There was an edge of steel in her face and tone that was nowhere to be found in the gentle hands that folded around Yanli's own. “Please, speak freely. Tell me the truth. Is this what you want?”

Exhaustion had sapped into her bones, as wet and heavy as her breath. “Is…what?” she had trailed off, dizzy.

Wen Qing, seeing this, had first helped her settle back down flat onto her pillows. When the gnawing swirling in her gut and head had abated, slightly, Qing-mei continued, unflinchingly; “This pregnancy. If this isn't what you want, there are ways I can help you that no one will be able to detect. If you are being pressured by Jin Guangyao to--”

“What? A-Yao?“ Yanli had repeated on a laugh more of startlement than humor that had turned into a coughing fit. 

As it had squeezed her already sore middle, a strange, aware panic had suddenly overcome her--would coughing so hard hurt the pregnancy? She had curled around her stomach and tried to stifle them, with limited success. From now on, she would be housing another that would share in her discomforts. The thought was…unimaginable. 

When the coughing had finally passed, she had gasped, weakly, “Ah, oh no, no…this was planned, we both want to start…. I...we didn't expect...I'm just surprised, I suppose.”

The worried disbelief on Qing-mei’s face had made her close her eyes in weariness, praying for patience and words enough to convince her. She would not live through another well meaning woman trying to pry her marriage apart at the seams because they did not think he deserved her. How to explain to them a husband who laid every choice at her feet? How to properly convey just how safe she had been made to feel in her own marriage? The easiest love she had ever been gifted? “You have gotten the wrong impression, meimei, I'm delighted, I'm...I'm....” Going to have a baby. A baby! 

The thought had made her more lightheaded still, either with giddiness, terror, or a combination of the two, she hadn't quite been able to tell.

Even then, it had taken a significant amount of effort to convince her suspicious sister-in-law that, no, her husband was not impregnating her in some sneaky bid to solidify a place of power in their Clan; no, he did not scare, control, or force her; no, he had not been the one to somehow put the idea of transferring her own core to A-Xian into her head. That had been there a while all on its own.

It was still close enough to the failed conversations she had had with Madam Jin that she might have begun to feel the same helpless frustration, if Wen Qing hadn't subsided into a still suspicious acceptance of her wishes and the quickly growing whirlwind of shimmering excitement hadn’t begun swarming through her limbs as every time she said ‘my baby’ and ‘our child’, the future seemed that much more tangible.

And Qing-mei meant well, Yanli knew. Whatever she had seen in A-Yao in their time at the Scorching Sun Palace had clearly scared her deeply, and Yanli wasn't going to dismiss that. Her husband was cunning and clever, able to change faces with the ease of a passing cloud when he needed to. She had seen it herself and she could not, would not deny it. But she knew his heart, knew that he was also kind, sweet, gentle, and frightened--she loved him for all of it. That included the parts he regretted, the parts that Wen Qing hated. Yanli would never have anything to fear from him.

She could tell that Wen Qing still thought she was either helplessly hoodwinked or naive, but she seemed at least satisfied that Yanli wanted this for herself and her family and did not bring up the idea again. In fact, each new day she got to spend with the girl, she seemed to be a little more relaxed. At least she had far more color in her face and light in her eyes than when she had first laid eyes on her in that Lanling forest, looking as much like a corpse as her brother--just a walking one. Yet, even with the improvements to her health and mood, even after weeks, she and A-Cheng still circled each other warily. They practically fled the room whenever they saw that the other had entered. 

It might have been amusing if it weren’t so tragic. 

How did one matchmake a couple who was, effectively, already married? Yanli thought that she might be able to have some clue, seeing how her and A-Yao’s love had blossomed with care and time, but if the two wouldn’t even share the same air….It reminded her uncomfortably of their parents’ relationship; prickly silence and separate rooms across the Pier. It raised ugly gooseflesh down her back to think of A-Cheng resigning himself to be as miserable in marriage as they clearly had been. She might not have dared to think so as a child, but after her own delightful marriage, knowing what it could feel like…she wept for her parents and all that they had become. For what they both so clearly wanted but didn’t know how to get without sacrificing parts of themselves they refused to let go of, for better or worse.

A-Cheng and Qing-mei didn’t need to love each other. Yanli knew the seed of love was there, in her brother at least, knew that yearning look in his eye. She had seen him as a teenager eagerly waiting for her eye to turn to him--a warming Wen sun, not a burning one. Everything had become hopelessly tangled with rage and regret and duty and grief during the murder of their Clan and the war. But irreparably so? She hoped not. They didn’t need to love each other, but Yanli would have them at least comfortable in their living with each other. She would love to actually host a real wedding for them, one day, in private.

What little she could do for A-Cheng, she tried, probing him gently once in a while--when he had a spare moment to visit, which wasn’t often. She complimented the clothes he had admitted to ordering for Wen Qing; robes in a spectrum of rich plums, burgundies, and muted magentas--red the undertones of each. “Did she ask for those colors in particular?”

“No.” His whole affect always sagged, dulled whenever she gently probed him about his wife and he would stare at his hands.

“Did you choose them yourself, then?” 

“...Yes. I…Yes.”

She had been delighted to be surprised by this, though she shouldn’t have been--he had always been a smart dresser with a keen eye for color. Besides some of her Jiang shimei’s and the tailor, she had specifically sought his opinion on her own wedding outfit. He and A-Xian had been planning her entire wedding since they were 8, after all, he was bound to have opinions. And he certainly had--her wedding dress had had both of her brother’s stamps of approval.

Lately, when he came by, he was always well groomed, but could feel the stress humming through him and behind his tired eyes. He could act so prickly, she wondered if anyone was pestering him to make sure he slept well. If they would let themselves, she was sure a wife would be a perfect person to do so. Whenever Yanli tried, he would just say that she shouldn’t worry about him with everything going on with her, that he was sleeping fine, and would proceed to fuss over her instead.

“A-Cheng, what’s troubling you?”

“Nothing, jiejie.”

“You’re a terrible liar, sweetling.

“I don’t have the time to worry about pretending to be married, right now.”

“You could just try talking to her, you know. Just…start a conversation.”

His face scrunched up in a combination of self derision, confusion, and agony, wrinkling his nose and narrowing his eyes. Waiting, she had stroked his hand where it lay balled up on her blanket, his knuckles a pale bite against the rich emerald and purple. “I wouldn’t know what to talk about,” he had finally said, shortly, his voice more of a mumble than the gruff dismissive tone she thought he might have been aiming for.

“You could ask her what she’s feeling, how she likes it here.”

“I don’t think I want to know.” He was staring down at her bedspread, bleakly, tight lines of worry between his brows.

When she had reached up to try to smooth them away, admonishing his doubt with a gentle, “A-Cheng--” he had caught her hand and pressed the backs of her knuckles against his cheek, eyes squeezed shut. After a sharp, indrawn breath, he had announced that he needed to go--and she needed to rest. There was nothing more she could say without making him flee faster.

What a mess all of this was.

Qing-mei was not much more of a help on that front. And Yanli was even less inclined to force her, poor girl--they didn’t have the history and she didn’t want to trap her. Every time she brought up A-Cheng or their marriage or what she felt about the whole relationship, she clammed up and grew solemn. “I’m grateful to Jiang-zongzhu. To all of you,” was all she would ever say, regarding their arrangement.

 At least Yanli had finally convinced her to stop calling her Jiang-furen, insisting that if they were going to be sisters now, it only made sense. She had confided in the younger woman that she had never had a little sister before, that she was excited to have someone to call ‘meimei’. At that, quite apart from her unflappable, self assured doctorly attitude, Qing-mei had offered, shyly, that she had never been a little sister before and that she found the idea quite odd. This tacit acceptance of the role delighted Yanli beyond words.

Qing-mei had taken to visiting her long past the time she had finished checking and treating her, taking tea and meals in her room either A-Yao came back or Yanli would, embarrassingly. fall asleep mid sentence. They hadn’t been able to visit like this very often when she had sheltered them in Yiling--Wen Qing would be called away and there had been work to be done, healing A-Cheng. Now, though, they had time and privacy, and their conversations would wander both wide and deep, over being elder sisters to trouble-prone younger brothers, about their shared time in Yiling, their mothers, their favorite books. Qing-mei was very clearly reluctant to confide her worries in her, whether in not wanting to cause her further stress or simply due to her own innate reservation, and so their conversations rarely included fears or the far future. 

But, sometimes, she would talk about Wei Wuxian’s progress and Wen Ning. “I don’t know what I’m more afraid of,” she had whispered one evening as the sun set outside, stock still next to Yanli’s bed, staring at the screen that threw spindly shadows of willow’s fingers across like thrashing ropes. “The idea that he may never come back. Or that he might…and I don’t know what he will be.” She had turned her head then, her neck and spine braced bravely, but her large, sweet eyes shining with tears in the low lantern light. “Da-gu, he’s so cold,” she had choked, barely audible. 

When Yanli had sat forward and reached out her arms, there was no hesitation when Qing-mei huddled into them, shaking silently.

Yanli herself had not yet seen what was left of Qing-mei’s gentle brother since she had landed at Lotus Pier, barely conscious herself. It hurt her heart to remember the shy, earnest boy she had seen attempting to become invisible behind his sister, despite his standing several inches taller than her at the Cloud Recesses what felt like eons ago. She hardly knew a thing about him, and all she did was through Xianxian and Qing-mei’s eyes. Hopefully there was a future possible for them to get to know each other on their own terms. 

Though she wholeheartedly believed in Xianxian’s brilliance and dogged tenacity, she had to admit…a conscious fierce corpse had never been achieved before. And the work was hard and damaging. It had scared her when she had finally seen what A-Xian had looked like after a week of what was clearly just a diet of half forgotten food and resentful energy. She had found him in the family shrine just a few days ago, when it was too rainy to sit outside comfortably. The early autumn had been washing warm, wet storms over them almost daily, but often, they came and went within minutes and she would patiently await the sun beneath a tree and her parasol. That day, however, the day woke to rain, and it had stayed, churning the lake cloudy with disturbed particulates. 

Though she enjoyed a good walk in the rain, everyone--A-Yao, A-Cheng, He Si, Qing-mei, Liu-popo, her childhood doctor-- had cautioned against going out in it when she was still fragile, and so her maid had helped her shuffle slowly across shining walkways and summer-verdant ponds pebbled with raindrops, huddled together under a waxed parasol and cloak. When she saw a hunched, dark shape within, she had paused at the door, squinting into the incense and candle warmed gloom within. When she recognized the set of her brother’s shoulders, she had quietly dismissed He Si with a lift of her chin. 

A-Xian had looked up when she moved from the fresh, silvery air of the outside to the space of quietly splashing water and remembered prayers. Immediately, the comforting hiss and patter of rain receded even more when she slid the door shut, leaving them surrounded only by the pale darkness of the ornate lotus screen panels--a private little universe. When she turned, A-XIan was already there, helping her out of her cloak, taking the dripping parasol from her hand. “Shijie! Are you sure you should be up?” The shadows beneath his eyes were dark and he had missed a spot on his jaw shaving this morning.

“I don’t think staying in bed for the rest of my pregnancy would be good for me or my baby, A-XIan.” She had softened the already gentle jibe by brushing back the hair from his face and patting his cheek, feeling the prickle under her fingers. “Help me to the cushions?”

He, of course, did, supporting her elbow, his other hand wrapped protectively around her far shoulder. The scent that clung to him was sharp and unpleasant, wholly unlike the memories she associated with him. Long ago, she had buried her nose in the top of his little boy head, and would breathe in soap and sunshine and love--and now, as a man, he used to smell like the spices he liked to eat and something fresh. Now, he smelled like…danger, soot, blood. That alone would have unnerved her. But when they sat next to each other and her eyes adjusted, she could take in the whole of him.

“I know, I know, I look terrible. I look worse than I feel, don’t worry,” he waved off her eye’s widening with feigned ease, smiling.

He had lost weight quickly, leaving him hollow cheeked and wan. His hair was only hastily brushed, his topknot uneven, slightly lopsided, and his eyes were bloodshot. On his hands, cinnabar, soot, and old blood was smeared, half-heartedly wiped, then smeared again, darkening around his nails. “A-Xian,” she had intoned with enough force that he immediately sat up straight, sucking in his lips like a child caught out doing something he knew he shouldn’t be doing. “After we talk, you’re going to take a bath and eat a full meal outside your room. Alright?”

“Really, I’m--” 

“A-Xian!” She had broken in, frowning, eyebrows drawn down. 

He hunkered down, pouting as he muttered, “Yes, Shijie.” Tilting doleful eyes and pushed out lip up at her, he then whined, “Shijieeee, don’t be mad at me. I’ll do better. Sorry if I’m smelly.” To illustrate this, he theatrically lifted up his sleeve to sniff it, then wrinkled his nose in real distaste. “Ugh. Alright, I get it.”

With a sigh, she had reached for his hands. He had seemed to wake to what was on them and scrubbed his palms on his thighs before taking them. “It’s not that, Xianxian, you know that. I’m worried about you. I’m worried about both of you.”

Apparently, he and A-Cheng had also been warily circling each other, like they did after most fights. Their spats, she had heard from a combination of A-Yao, He Si, and Qing-mei were more mundane and brotherly, now, weeks later--though they ended as often with eye rolling and secret smiles as hurt feelings and tight lipped silences. It had been bad right after their return, she had heard--A-Cheng storming around with a poisonous temper for days and A-Xian working on Wen Ning all hours of the day and night, refusing to leave his room. She hated that she had to hear about it second hand, that they visited her one at a time, that when she was able to emerge from her room, they were often away, doing what they could. She wasn’t around to soothe their rough edges from grinding against the other.

Qing-mei was with her the most, A-Yao a close second, when he wasn’t helping A-Cheng or something else that needed doing around the Pier. Xianxian had only come in a few times, sometimes too exhausted to do anything but drape himself over the edge of her bed and childishly request hair stroking, which she, of course, gave. Once, a day or two after she had discovered she was pregnant, apparently deciding that she was well enough for a scolding, he had come and very seriously told her to never even think about giving him her core again. “Aren’t you glad Wen Qing said no to that nonsense?” he had demanded, frowning at her in displeasure.

Yanli thought it was rich of him being so incensed about it, but she had let it go. “I wasn’t…I don’t remember doing it. It was the fever, I think.”

“Well, don’t even go thinking it!” he had said, fierceness belayed by him anxiously petting at her arm. “Put it out of your head! Alright?”

She thought about a great many things that she didn’t share with him. It wasn’t something she thought of…constantly. Or even very often. It was just something that had reared its head when she had learned of what A-Xian and Wen Qing had done. When he had sat before A-Cheng and herself with A-Yao by his side and tried to pretend it wasn’t the worst thing they had ever heard. She felt sick when she remembered it--sick for both her brothers. She couldn’t think about it too long, or….

But she was, indeed, glad that Qing-mei had stoutly refused her delirious babble. Her core, weak and pitiful as it was, was going to have to support her and this child through her pregnancy. At least it was finally good for something.

With a start, Yanli blinked out of her hazy, sunwarmed ruminations of the past few weeks and back into the garden, now shaded a brilliant blue from the after images her orange eyelids had left. She couldn’t have been dozing long, for she could hear footsteps returning back down the path. But something in the back of her mind perked up at their familiarity and the knowledge that it wasn’t He Si’s stride. Delighted, she levered herself back entirely upright in the chair and twisted around to see her husband emerging from around the dwarf maple whose leaf edges flirted with gold. “A-Yao!”

“I’ve brought you something, Jiang-furen,” he announced with a twinkle of humor in his dimples, presenting her favorite scalloped, lavender parasol, dotted with intricate plum blossoms on a branch. “He Si was very keen that you have it.”

She laughed and shook her head, reaching out to him for a greeting kiss, which he warmly bestowed on her. He smelled and tasted lovely, like he had been walking around out in the fresh air all day. “She frets so much. It couldn’t have anything to do with you fretting so much, could it? Is she coming back?”

“I dismissed her for other duties, as I assumed you might wish to spend time together.”

Delights up on delights! “Oh, always!”

He helped her up from her chair and walked pressed to her side, his arm sure and firm around her, his fingertips brushing her belly beneath her sleeve, out of sight from passing eyes. Oh, A-Yao; her beloved, tangled up A-Yao. 

Despite his calm outward face, was so clearly terrified by everything about this, including the prospect of not being by her side at every moment. He was constantly on the move, organizing and advising and assisting and whatever else his clever mind decided that they needed--but in between all this, he would appear anxiously at her side at all hours, asking what he could do, if He Si was attending to her properly, if she needed something. Come to think of it…perhaps she had better make sure her husband had no overt hand in her maid’s currently overly fretful state.

She was fairly certain he was more scared than she was about the prospect of becoming a parent, which was endearing, considering she was the one that would have to give birth and not him. He hid it quite admirably, even for him, buried underneath the more typical worry for her--and now, the baby’s--health. And he clearly planned to “burden” her with none of it. But she could see it in his eyes, could feel it in the way he held her.

When they had discovered she was with child, that night, he had asked to make love to her, and had done so exquisitely sweetly. Well, every time they had made love so far had been sweet, but that night, he had been even more tender, more warm and attentive than ever before. Every press of his skin had been gentle enough that she could barely feel where he began and she ended. Ever since then, he had been treating her as if she were made of precious glass. From him, her husband, she happily accepted the attention. The way that he doted on her never made her feel lessened, like he thought she was some incapable child or weak, silly girl. It only made her feel wanted and precious.

He had been appalled that he had let her go on the arduous trip to find Wei Wuxian, and when she had asked with her expression, smiling softly; Let me?, he had amended that he should have begged her to come back with him to Lotus Pier. She had had to remind her that she couldn’t have. A-Yao had simply sighed deeply and said that he knew. Running her hands over his jaw, where the yellow-brown ghosts of the bruises on his jaw from Zixun were finally no longer visible, she had said, “I’ll be careful now. And so should you, yes?”

He had kissed her slowly into sleep.

Now, together, they agreed to try some cooking in the smaller kitchen, so as not to get in the way of the cooks. It was the most activity than she had attempted in days, but there was no tremble to her hands and her muscles felt like actual muscles today, instead of some wet, quivering mud. Standing felt good instead of arduous. And she would never get her strength back if she lived in a chair for the next 9 months. This kitchen was more cluttered than the main one, and a little darker for the smaller windows, but by no means dirty--it also gave them the added benefit of privacy. It was because of this, she was certain, that A-Yao felt comfortable enough to press up behind her as she stood at the counter and sliced up figs. His arms rested comfortably about her waist, palms pressed to her belly and chin resting on her shoulder as he observed her work. Though his whole front pressed warmly against her back, there was no lascivious invitation in it, only closeness and trust. In public, he was not overtly performative with his affection; a supporting arm while walking here, laying a hand atop hers there. It was when they were alone he felt he could cautiously touch her more freely, as if the eyes of others made his love something lewd. Well…she supposed that might in fact be a concern for him. No matter. Whether a peck in private, a brush of her cheek in public and everything in between--and sometimes more--she adored it all. 

“I’m not going to fall over, A-Yao,” she teased. “I’ll let you know if I need to sit down.”

“Of course,” he answered easily, but did not move away, instead nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck.

Contended, she hummed and paused in her knife strokes, laying her cheek atop his shoulder. A golden glow, at once fierce and tender, had a permanent place in her chest nowadays. It had nothing to do with her fading illness and everything to do with this bright new future she had been gifted. She was so lucky. 

Outside the widow, across the courtyard, someone screamed. 

A-Yao spun her back from the window as the bright afternoon outside was split with a crash, an inhuman roar, and more screams, one right after the other. Yanli stumbled, pressed herself against the far wall, her heart pounding wildly against her ribs. Icy gooseflesh cascaded over skin, her stomach knotted in fear. A-Yao, a dagger suddenly in hand, was peering out the window, motionless. She couldn’t see anything from her angle and the leaves outside, but the wild screaming, the roaring continued. The sound of running feet. “What is it?” she whispered, voice pressed thin. 

He only wordlessly shook his head, scanning back and forth. A tree stood in front of the window, she knew, obscuring most of the view of the outside. 

What on earth could it be? Lotus Pier was protected, there were talismans and wards and--

A-Cheng bellowed something, voice harsh with fear.

A-Cheng.

“A-Li, no--!” A-Yao’s shout followed her out the door, but she couldn’t stop.

Her brother was in trouble. I won’t be left behind again, I can’t, I can’t-- 

The courtyard stones flew beneath her feet, then the bridge and she could see, flashing into her mind like blinding light off of waves. A-Cheng, across the walkway, Sandu flashing in the sun, Zidian crackling. Still bellowing, pointing. Disciples running to him as quickly as the servants flooded away, wailing in terror. A towering black figure on the other side of the ornamental pond, wreathed in writhing smoke. It ripped out another unearthly snarl as it flung something big away from itself. A body, a person, flailing in midair, screaming. A snap as they crashed through a carved banister and landed in a sickening, motionless heap, a loose pink ribbon fluttering to earth behind them. “He Si!” 

A hand clamped on her arm as she started forward. A-Yao had caught up. “A-Li!”

“We can’t! A-Si!” She struggled forward, clutching his sleeve, dragging him along.

Shouts and screams bled into the pounding in her ears, pulse a frantic bird in her head that shrieked. She was only across the walkway, only a dozen steps away. Clangs, a thump, a grunt--oh gods! Then she heard A-Cheng’s voice still shouting orders--not him. A-Yao’s face was sharp and hard. His other hand rose to her shoulder. He was going to pick her up and carry her away, saw his thoughts written like script across his face and she couldn’t, she clutched at him and pleaded, “No, please! A-Yao, please, please!” They couldn’t just leave her here, bleeding, in danger!

His eyes darted, then his pull changed, urging her forward, running with her instead of pulling her back. Her movements were loose with fear, jerky and wild and she nearly fell up the steps onto the walkway. Blood covered the girl's face, pooling crimson rapidly onto the shining wood around her. They bent, dragging her back to get better purchase on her limp body. Her feet dragged pitifully. Yanli’s hands were shaking so badly she couldn’t close them around her arms properly. One still held the knife from the kitchen. She had forgotten she still had it. 

The girl wasn’t moving. A-Yao hefted her torso up in his arms, turned to her, opened his mouth--

A fresh wave of screams.

“Jiejie!” A-Cheng’s voice cracked from across the second bridge as she heard a shuffle of wind, a thump behind them and suddenly, the roots of her teeth ached, and that smell--the sharp, burning metal-blood smell that clung to A-Xian--flooded her.

Looking up, the sun blinded her for a split second before vicious smoke--resentful energy stung her eyes, flooded her throat--white hand filled her vision.  Then, something canoned into her side, knocking her away to sprawl away from He Si. Blood and sky spun around her. Battlefield gore, fear, death choked her throat. Gasping, coughing, she scrambled, to her hands and knees, head whirling. When she looked up, her entire body went ice cold and all she could hear in the world was screaming.

It was Wen Ning, black veins sprawling across his face, the empty white holes of his eyes fixed on who he now held by the throat. A-Yao, who had knocked her aside.

No!

Even though the foul resentful energy wreathing them both, her husband’s eyes were alight with more rage than fear, teeth bared. He had already buried his dagger hilt deep in Wen Ning’s chest, right in his heart. The fierce corpse vented another noise human throats should not be able to make and lifted A-Yao, like he was light as a rag, off his feet. Thrashing, choking, A-Yao brought up a leg to kick the dagger hilt deeper, another already in his other hand.

Wen Ning’s other hand shot out, latched around his wrist. Yanli felt the snap in her chest more than heard it. His dagger clanged to the ground. She could see those fingers closing further, like a vise, crushing. A-Yao made no sound--couldn’t, his throat was squeezed, he couldn’t--he couldn’t--

 Screaming--she was screaming, that noise was her--she stumbled up, forward, swinging the kitchen knife up to hack at Wen Ning’s arms, wrists, anything to free her husband. She was close enough that the writhing mist stung like nettles over her skin when something collided with her again, knocking her back from them, sending the knife clattering away from her grip. Qing-mei clung to her, dragged her back, shouting something into her ear. She fought against her, still screaming. He had A-Yao!

 It had been only moments since Wen Ning had landed behind them, but time was boiling, stretching, bursting around them. No no no no no--

Crackling, blinding purple wrapped around Wen Ning’s pale throat, pulled tight and he at least dropped A-Yao’s arm, snarling, clawing at it. Zidian. A-Cheng was there, yanking back on Zidian hard enough to bow Wen Ning’s spine back. But he still had A-Yao’s throat clenched in his grip, still held him up entirely as he kicked at him, hands locked on Wen Ning’s wrist.

“A-Ning, stop! Stop!” Wen Qing cried, arms still knotted around Yanli, still dragging her back as she struggled. 

The disciples clamored nearer, shouting, flinging talismans that sizzled into ash as soon as they met the corona of energy spilling from Wen Ning. Some were already limping, bleeding, and A-Cheng shouted at them to stay back. A piercing, chilling note shrieked above the clamor, freezing Wen Ning still as stone. 

A-Xian. 

Frantically, Yanli searched for him, found him pelting around the corner of the Banquet Hall, Chenqing at his lips. “Wei Wuxian!” A-Cheng roared over at him. “Make him stop!”

A-Xian was pale and wide eyed as his fingers flew over the black lacquer of his flute. He skidded to a halt to suck in a huge breath and trill a complicated, twisting melody that raised all the hairs on Yanli’s body. A shudder went through Wen Ning like a wave across the pond and he began to shake. A quiet, abrupt gasp broke from A-Yao’s lips, as if the fingers around his throat had loosened fractionally. But his face was almost blue, eyes rolling back--and black veins were snaking from under the fierce corpse’s palm. 

“A-YAO!”

In that instant of brief stillness, like a shadow, A-Cheng rose up from behind Wen Ning, Zidian pulled taut in his hand, Sandu raised--his face was dark as a thundercloud, death in his eyes. “Zongzhu!” Qing-mei’s gasped, “Husband, please! Don’t hurt him!”

A-Cheng’s hesitated, eyes flickered, his killing intent cracked. “A-Cheng!” Yanli shrieked, fighting and thrashing, throat raw.

She didn’t even know what she was begging him to do. All she knew was that A-Yao was now just twitching instead of kicking and she could not get free. 

A-Cheng’s face hardened as Chenqing’s tone shrilled up and down a haunting scale, and, with a huge heave, he wrenched Zidian back. The frozen Wen Ning toppled down sideways with the force of it, collapsing both he and A-Yao over into the ornamental lotus pond beside them with a splash. Yanli no longer had to break free of Wen Qing’s grip, for they were both racing to the pond as fast as they could.

 But A-Cheng slid in front of them, flinging out his arms to block them both with his chest as Chenqing’s notes cut off, A-Xian’s panicked voice instead yelling out a warning; Wen Ning reared up from the water behind him, roaring, thrashing, and splashing. 

A-Yao did not.

[wangxianficrecs]

💙 The Shade of Old Trees by Kryal

💙 The Shade of Old Trees

by Kryal

T, 363k, Wangxian

Summary: “We rest in the shade of trees our ancestors planted.” They called the man in the ice Yiling Laozu, after a folk hero associated with the town in the foothills of the mountains where he was found. No one expected him to be alive! Kay's comments: I have never been less surprised to see that a story was written by a PhD student. The end notes at the end of each chapter are very extensive and just amazing. So much information, so much research, 363k of an incredible story that had me completely hooked. I read it in a week and could hardly focus on anything else, because that story was just so present in the back of my mind and I wanted to know what would happen next. Got introduced to the story by the stunning art by @toffee-arts. I loved the entire plotline of Wei Wuxian having to first learn modern Chinese in order to speak to the scientists (and mostly Lan Zhan) who decided to thaw his supossed corpse. I love how it all came together, how it all wrapped up neatly and the slow burn! The slow burn almost killed me! And how cultivation just awed everyone in modern day!! I just know this story is going to be a favourite I will re-read again and again and there are certainly a lot of details I must have missed during my obsessed binge. Excerpt: Everyone in the observation room tensed. This was, after all, the most delicate point. If it wasn’t going to be possible to remove the ice without beginning to thaw Yiling Laozu, they would have to move very quickly to preserve some of the data they wanted. The cellular damage caused by the freezing process meant that once the ice thawed, the damage would spread rapidly. Lan Wangji glanced at Wen Yuan. “Leave if you need to,” he told the boy quietly. Wen Yuan shook his head. “No, I want to stay…” Lan Wangji wasn’t certain what caught his attention – a flicker of movement from the corner of his eye, a hint of sound, a flash of intuition. He looked up to see Lan Xichen slam into the window. Drop out of sight, stunned by the impact. Beyond, shards of shattered ice fell from black robes scattered across the floor as Yiling Laozu’s body tumbled off the lab table— Twisted. Landed on his feet. Stood. Piercing silvery-grey eyes flickered across the room, wary and confused. Lan Wangji froze. Yiling Laozu was awake. …Yiling Laozu was alive.

pov alternating, modern setting, modern with magic, different first meeting, time travel, time travelling wei wuxian, time travel of sorts, canon divergence, slow burn, worldbuilding, getting together, developing relationship, academia, research, science, bamf wei wuxian, yiling laozu wei wuxian, grief/mourning

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[lgbtlunaverse]

POV switches in chapter 108

This is generally me trying to figure out which parts of the novel are from wei wuxian's limited perspective and which ones are omniscient, as they switch pretty frequently and without warning. And also specifcally because @darkfalcon-z asked in a reply to a post I made earlier today!

Obvious disclaimer that this meta looks pretty closely into specific wording, and that my source remains a translation. I haven't read the original text and so can't attest to my accuracy there.

So MDZS gets real messy with its narration. It obviously starts in omniscient with celebrating Wei Wuxian's death, but spends a lot of its time in limited, most exemplary shown by the enduring obliviousness wei wuxians has towards lan wangji's feelings never being explicitly undercut by the narration.

The novel... does NOT telepgraph when it switches povs. Moreover, wei wuxian does sometimes make confident statement about how other characters feel. Prime example being him talking about how jiang cheng would react to finding out about his core

This being, notably... NOT what Jiang Cheng's actual reaction is when he does find out. That's because wwx is working with incomplete information here, he didn't know Jiang Cheng was willing to lose his core for him to begin with.

Also, he afformentioned obliviousness to Lan Wangji leading to him, multiple times, attributing the wrong motivations to lan wangji's actions.

The novel doesn't outright say "wei wuxian assumed/ thought that jiang cheng would react like that" in the screenshot above, but it DOES clearly show, by leading with him thinking about why he thought he coudn't tell jiang cheng about the golden core transfer, that we're in his head at the moment. And so the following statements are also his thoughts, not omniscient narrations. The difference is very subtle. But it's there

So we're in chapter 108. right before Lan Xichen stabs Jin Guangyao, an we're clearly in omniscient.

Lan Xichen's feelings are stated plainly and there's not very much focus on Wei wuxian at all. It switches over briefly to him and lwj checking up on Wen Ning but his feelings are not overriding everything else.

Then the stab happens

We're still in omniscient here. "Lan xichen felt his heart go cold" a detail Wei Wuxian couldn't know, stated plainly as a matter of fact.

However.

I think this part

Is where we retreat from omniscient back into wei wuxian's pov. We're not told anything about either of these character's inner worlds, but do get some extra litte commentary that jgy was so slow that even Jin Ling could catch him with his eyes closed! That's not something either Lan Xichen or jgy would be thinking of right now. It is, however, a comment Wei Wuxian's inner monologue might think to make.

In the context of my earlier post, which this was inspired by. It also makes some assumptions. Namely, that Xichen is just going after jgy to catch him. It doesn't explicitly say so, because we're not in omniscient anymore but it's clear Wei Wuxian thinks so as he'll feel the need to warn him in a few seconds. This is interesting, as it directly contradicts a popular fan interpretation of this scene, that's become explicitly canonized in multipe adaptations, which is that Lan Xichen is intentionally going along with and is willing to die with him. I'm not saying this theory is correct based on its popularity alone, obviously. I was actually surprised to find out it was so vague when I read the novel considering its popularity!

By the next chapter we'll be unambiguously back into wei uxian's head, and after "Lan Xichen could no longer persuade himself to silence him again" which is in the paragraph before the one in the image above, we are no longer told any other character's feelings or inner thoughts except for Wei Wuxian's. Specifically, this:

So this describes wei wuxian realizing a "something" what something? well, this something.

Again, the difference is subtle. The statement of "He was fighting with his last breath to lead Lan Xichen towards Nie Mingjue, so they could die together!" might seem like another one of those "other charcters' feelings" statements. But we're not IN Jin Guangyao's head right now. This is describing actions, not thoughts. He's not trying to get away (a visible action wwx would be privy to) which must be because...see statement above.

And all of this is framed under the banner of Wei Wuxian saying he realized something, and that being that Jin Guangyao isn't trying to get away and Lan Xichen needs to get away from him because... see statement above. This line basically starts as a repitition of what Wei Wuxian said, repeating his assumption, and then clarifying what Wei Wuxian DOES think is happening. The whole paragraph between is just buildup for the payoff of what that "something" of the realization is. MXTX could have writtern "wei wuxian, however, realized something. Jin Guangyao wasn't trying to get away! Instead he was trying to lead Lan Xichen towards Nie Mingjue so they could die together" and them describe the scenario, it'd be functionally the same in the manner of what information was conveyed, but the little gap in setup and payoff increases suspense and makes the reveal more engaging. It's a good little writing trick!

That wording above does make it way more obvious that that statement? Is one of wei wuxian's. That's what HE thinks.

In the line where jgy pushes lan xichen away, we're still not privy to their feelings or thoughts at all.

But we do get this curious litle "yet,"

That means this is a subversion, something that goes against what was previously established. Namely, that jin guangyao would want lan xichen to get caught by nie mingjue. The actual reality of the situaton conrasts hat we were told earlier. it's a surprise. to who? Well, to all the other characters watching this go down. wwx among them. We get other little commentaries, like how the sight of jgy being choked by nmj is frightening, placing us even further away from his inner world and into the shoes of someone watching him in the temple.

The style being used here is similar to the one in the next chapter, when nie huasang's plan is unveiled. First you get bit of dialogue with clear implications from Wei Wuxian, and then we go into wei wxuxian's head. In a few lines it's explicitly established that he's questioning things, and we are following his line of thought. And then a whle account of nie huasang's plan is given. With no further affirmation that we're still in wei wuxian's head. That's based on context clues given prior. Is this recount of the plan correct? Most likely, yeah! But we're never expicitly told. We are still in wei wuxian's head.

This bit on Jin Guangyao is similar. From the removal of stating other character's feelings (a possible exception might be the statement that "Nie Mingjue is not afraid of spiritual weapons" but that is something observable to wwx who's been seeing nmj not give a shit for a good few minutes now. We get nothing he's not privy to) and a clear indication that we're inside his head now. What we get next is his reocunt of the events, and they're fairly factul as he simply tells us what he sees, but when he gets into the reasons for why things ar ehappening? Well, if we wanted to, we could doubt that.

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

Soldier, Poet, King

Part 12

[Beginning] [Previous]

[AO3] [Masterpost]

I asked and y'all unanimously voted for shorter chapters of individual POV's for the next few updates so I am delivering ♥ Have almost 6k words of emotional bonding as a treat (before shit hits the fan lol)

--//--

Nie Mingjue is completely exhausted both mentally and physically, which is why he’s sleeping so deeply he doesn’t even hear Jin Guangyao returning to their quarters until his partner is already climbing into bed with him and Lan Xichen.

“Ow, A-Yao, fuck!” he grunts when a particularly sharp jab from his lover’s tiny (read: bony) elbow lands squarely in the soft patch between two of his ribs.

Lan Xichen makes some garbled noise beside him that sounds vaguely like, “Gonna break the bed, ge.” (Though whether he’s awake and talking about all three of them piling into it together or else dreaming and talking in his sleep about the…enthusiastic sex the two of them had before passing out, Nie Mingjue isn’t sure.)

Jin Guangyao ignores both of them anyway and continues worming his way in between them with a liberal application of shoving and elbowing and kicking that Nie Mingjue would very much like him to stop. In the interest of making that happen he huffs a sigh and scooches back as far as he can until he’s practically fused with the wall behind the bunk to give Jin Guangyao space between him and Lan Xichen, who also turns on his side, his back to the rest of the room, to accommodate their partner.

“Need those big beds, ge,” Lan Xichen mumbles, and he’s definitely awake this time so Nie Mingjue makes sure to roll his eyes at him before he turns his attention to Jin Guangyao getting settled.

There’s a hint of impatience feathering the edges of his voice when he asks, “Are you comfortable, dianxia?” but then Jin Guangyao looks up at him and he looks two seconds away from dissolving into hysterics, his lashes already clumped together with tears and his eyes shining in the low light. Nie Mingjue’s irritation vanishes like it never was.

“A-Yao?”

“Can we all share? Just for a bit?” he asks, and it’s slurred with the alcohol Nie Mingjue can catch the faintest whiff of on his breath under his toothpaste – but it’s also so wet and fragile that Nie Mingjue’s heart cracks wide open.

“Of course. What’s wrong — what happened?”

He’ll never say it, but he can’t stand it when Jin Guangyao goes out. He’s not thrilled about Nie Huaisang going out either, he gets into far too much trouble and his typical escape plan seems to be ‘look and act pathetic enough that no one will want to hurt me’ which is not an effective strategy, but that is a battle Nie Mingjue refuses to lose again. Jin Guangyao doesn’t usually want to go out, but of course sometimes it’s necessary, and Nie Mingjue is well aware that this was one such time.

That being said, just because he understands it doesn’t mean he likes it. Jin Guangyao isn’t someone the average Shanghai citizen would recognize, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t people who do know who he is lurking out there waiting to do any damage they possibly can to the workings of the shatterdome. People who know that if anything happens to Jin Guangyao it’s not an exaggeration to fear that things in the ‘dome would grind to a crawl within the week.

“Are you okay?”

“No,” Jin Guangyao whimpers. Lan Xichen suddenly looks wide awake on the other side of the tiny bed, his arms already snaking around Jin Guangyao’s waist properly while Nie Mingjue tries to lean back far enough to look his partner over for injuries.

“Okay, answers please,” Nie Mingjue says, tightly controlled, when he can’t see anything immediately concerning so he ducks in to kiss Jin Guangyao’s forehead instead. “More than one syllable at a time, you’re worrying me.”

Jin Guangyao sniffles and whimpers under his breath as his tears finally well up and spill over, his lips trembling as he manages to say, “I…I – I really love you,” through his attempts not to blubber. All the anxious tension slides right back out of Nie Mingjue in a rush as he lets out a tired sigh.

“Fucking Huaisang,” he hisses.

“A-Yao,” Lan Xichen is murmuring in between tiny kisses to their partner’s face, his arms still tight around him. “What’s wrong with loving us, hm?”

Nie Mingjue snorts before Jin Guangyao can hiccup his way through an answer. “What’s wrong is that A-Sang must have given him tequila. A-Yao’s a maudlin drunk on anything, but especially tequila shots.” He’s even less inclined than before to coddle his lover when Jin Guangyao flails over in a flurry of limbs to smash himself fully into Lan Xichen’s chest and hide there as he cries, kicking and hitting Nie Mingjue more than once in the process.

Lan Xichen looks up to meet his eyes with a smile as he hums, “Mm. I think it’s sweet, A-Yao never lets himself be soft.”

“Fine, then he can cry and smear snot all over your shirt,” Nie Mingjue huffs. Lan Xichen is nice enough not to call him out on the fact that he still hasn’t gotten out of bed to go to the empty one in the other room that should have been Jin Guangyao’s for the night.

“Don’t wanna lose you,” Jin Guangyao mumbles, heartbroken as he looks like he’s trying to burrow inside Lan Xichen and never emerge again. “Stay with me.”

“We’re not going anywhere,” Lan Xichen tells him, soft and sure as he starts carding his fingers slowly through his hair where it’s getting a bit longer than usual on top. Nie Mingjue settles again as much as he can on roughly 6 inches of mattress and readjusts his free arm to sling it around both Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen’s waists to attempt to find a bit of extra room for his limbs. 

“Good thing we’ve got a rest day tomorrow,” he grumbles while Jin Guangyao sniffles and mumbles incoherently into Lan Xichen’s chest. “None of us are going to be able to sleep like this.”

“Mm. Should one of us move to the other bed once he’s asleep?”

The ‘yes, obviously’ is right on the tip of his tongue, but Nie Mingjue meets Lan Xichen’s tired eyes in the semi-dark, and he tangles his ankles together with Jin Guangyao’s to get him to stop shuffling his feet, and he thinks about how it felt to be tied to them down to his very soul even for the brief moments they’d gotten during the experiment, and he just…

“No,” he murmurs, though it’s not low enough to hide how ragged he suddenly sounds. “We can deal with one night of shitty sleep. Let’s just..just stay.”

Lan Xichen smiles like he can see right through him, but of course he’s too nice to call Nie Mingjue out on it directly. Instead, he simply leans in as much as he can with Jin Guangyao still sandwiched half-between and half-on top of them to kiss him goodnight. It’s an awkward angle, more of a bump of the corners of their mouths against each other more than anything, but it helps him feel like he’s not quite so alone in his skin so it’s perfect.

Lan Xichen hums softly in the back of his throat, amused as he whispers, “Hold me so I don’t fall off?”

Nie Mingjue obliges and hitches him closer, ignoring Jin Guangyao’s whine that he’s getting squished. He can’t help but think that it’ll be nearly impossible to fall asleep again with at least two different limbs going numb and Jin Guangyao’s hair tickling his sweat-tacky throat, his undershirt already sticking to his chest and back from all three of them pressed together far too tightly.

He falls asleep surprisingly quickly.

It feels like roughly five minutes later when there’s a fresh jab between his ribs and Nie Mingjue growls low in the back of his throat, thoroughly pissed now. “Meng Yao I swear to god if you elbow me one more time–!!”

“Don’t ‘Meng Yao’ me, stop snapping and just let me up,” his partner hisses as if he hadn’t been the one to glue himself between them in the first place.

Nie Mingjue tightens his arm around Jin Guangyao’s waist and forces his dry, aching eyes open to try to figure out what’s going on now. Jin Guangyao is attempting to glare at him while twisted around from where he’s still laying on his side, his cheek creased with rumpled lines from Lan Xichen’s t-shirt.

“I can’t let you up, I’m holding Xichen so he doesn’t fall off.”

“What??” Nie Mingjue stays still as Jin Guangyao wriggles one arm free to pat his palm down the length of his arm from shoulder to wrist, right down to where his hand is tucked under Lan Xichen’s waist to keep him looped safely in his grip with Jin Guangyao.

“See?”

“No, I can’t see anything, I’m too busy suffocating in Huan-ge’s tits.”

“And whose fault is that?!”

“My loves, I adore you. I will destroy you both if you don’t stop arguing right in my ear before sunrise.”

“Huan-ge, please let me up,” Jin Guangyao says perfectly politely and with no jamming of elbows into Lan Xichen’s soft tissues. Nie Mingjue leans in to bite his ear in irritation for the unfair treatment before Lan Xichen groans and rolls off the edge of the bed (relatively gracefully). The release of pressure when Jin Guangyao pops to his feet after him feels like heaven and Nie Mingjue happily flumps down face first into the blessedly empty bed the very second he can, his limbs starfished as much as they can be on the twin mattress.

“Where are you going?” Lan Xichen asks around a jaw-cracking yawn as he rubs blearily at one eye.

“To sleep in the other bed.”

“Why?”

“You two are making my skin crawl,” Jin Guangyao mutters with a shudder. Nie Mingjue flips him off without lifting his face out of the pillow, more than used to his boyfriend’s posturing, but Lan Xichen makes a quiet noise of distress.

Nie Mingjue turns his head just enough to be able to speak legibly. “Don’t listen to him, A-Huan. He’s embarrassed he cried on us so he’s being a bitch. Go sleep in the other bed with him, he still wants to be held.”

Jin Guangyao swats at the back of his head a little too sharply for it to be fully playful, so Nie Mingjue reaches out blindly to smack his ass, also definitely too hard to not be at least a little serious. Lan Xichen knocks his hand away with his hip when he steps in between them to keep them from retaliating any further.

“Stop it, both of you. A-Yao just..stay here for a moment, I will be right back.”

Silence descends again as Lan Xichen slips out of their room into the hallway and Nie Mingjue lets himself drift fuzzily in and out of semi-consciousness, still reveling in the unexpected space that okay, yes, he understands why Jin Guangyao wants as well. He loves his partners, he really really does, but now that some of the fragility from their Drift has worn off he wants to breathe.

“I told A-Sang not to give me tequila,” Jin Guangyao eventually grumbles — it’s as much of a concession as he’s likely to give, so Nie Mingjue grunts his acknowledgement and reaches out to brush his fingertips against the outside of Jin Guangyao’s thigh, just catching a glancing brush against his pajama bottoms before he lets his hand flop down to hang off the edge of the bed again, knuckles brushing the floor.

“D’it go ‘kay?”

“Mm. It went how it went. Did you and Huan-ge talk about the Drift?”

Nie Mingjue sucks in a deep breath through his nose and turns his head a bit more to crack one eye open and look up at Jin Guangyao standing next to the bed, arms crossed over his chest and his gaze trained on their door still open just a crack, enough to light him up with a narrow strip of the red nighttime lights from the hall.

“No, waitin’ for you. Rest day today, ‘member? Fucked really good about it, though.”

Jin Guangyao snorts at that and finally looks down at him, one eyebrow raised and the little smirk that Nie Mingjue finds particularly devastating hiding in the corner of his mouth. “Well that explains why you both reek, at least.”

Nie Mingjue swats at Jin Guangyao again, though this time there’s absolutely no power behind the gesture and he ends up just curling his hand around his partner’s calf to jostle him in slow-motion instead. “Not like we were expecting you to come try to sleep with us.”

“Would you have showered after if you had been?”

“Nope. Too tired.”

Jin Guangyao wrinkles his nose at him but Nie Mingjue just shrugs and turns his head to smush his face into his pillow again, the angle required to look up at Jin Guangyao a bit too strenuous on his neck if he wants to avoid a headache when he wakes up for real in a few hours. They linger there in comfortable, companionable quiet as Nie Mingjue’s breathing slows again and he’s just hovering on the edge of sleep when there’s a sudden clang out in the hallway, immediately followed by their door sliding fully open again only slightly more quietly.

“Huan-ge what in the world-”

“My very polite and formal complaints about the bed issue in this ‘dome have gone unheeded, so I am taking matters into my own hands,” Lan Xichen reports blithely, despite the fact that — as Nie Mingjue sees when he sits up and gives up on sleeping anytime soon — he’s lugging a mattress into their room through the doorway that’s only barely big enough to accommodate such a thing.

“Xichen,” he sighs and scrubs his hands against his eyes and then through his hair. Lan Xichen’s jaw is set mulishly so Nie Mingjue doesn’t bother arguing with him, he just flops back down onto his back and throws an arm over his eyes to pretend like this isn’t happening at fucking 5 in the morning after they were up half the night anyway.

“Hush, Mingjue. Get up, I’m fixing this right now.”

“Mmm. I like you stubborn,” Jin Guangyao purrs, clearly enjoying anything that contributes to Nie Mingjue being inconvenienced. “Mingjue look at him, he’s the avenging angel of DIY king size beds.”

“He could look like the patron saint of goddamn porn stars and I couldn’t care less right now. I want to sleep!”

“Wanyin’s bed is free. The sheets are fresh, go across the hall if you want.”

Nie Mingjue stays stubbornly where he is for a beat until he hears Lan Xichen take a threatening step forward and then he rolls to his feet with a groan. He snags the pillow and top sheet with one hand and Lan Xichen’s jaw with the other to hold him still for a bruising kiss. “You are a menace,” he grumbles around Lan Xichen’s bottom lip between his teeth. He breaks away to grab Jin Guangyao the same way, leaning down to nip at his lips just as hard as he adds, “And you are a snake. I love you both, but I’m going to go sleep.”

“Have a good rest, love,” Lan Xichen replies like he isn’t an absolute terror. Nie Mingjue grunts at him and shoulders his way out into the hall, straight across to what was once the Lan brothers’ room and is now Jiang Wanyin’s alone. As promised, it’s currently empty, and Nie Mingjue doesn’t bother wondering where Jiang Wanyin is instead as he tumbles into the other man’s bed and promptly passes out.

–/–

When he wakes again it is, at least, on Nie Mingjue’s own terms. Sort of. It’s clear that Jiang Wanyin is at least trying to be quiet as he moves around the room (it’s not his fault Nie Mingjue is a light sleeper when sleeping somewhere strange). Besides, judging by the quality of light coming in under the door from the hallway it’s definitely around mid-morning, the artificial lights out in the hallway meant to mimic sunlight to try to keep them all from going nuts in here. He should wake up anyway.

“Hey,” he grunts at Jiang Wanyin’s back as the man fiddles with something at his ‘nightstand’ (i.e. the standard issue ‘large crate someone found somewhere’ that they all have).

“Morning, Chifeng-Zun. Trouble in paradise?”

“Watch it, Jiang.” Nie Mingjue doesn’t exactly invite his pilots to be overly casual with him, mostly because he’s not exactly a casual sort of person (with anyone save his brother and his partners), but of all the pilots in the ‘dome he feels like he understands Jiang Wanyin on a level he doesn’t necessarily get the others. Nie Huaisang would probably laugh and say it’s because they’re both ill-tempered and too stubborn for their own good, and he’d most likely be right about that.

“Seriously — need me to tell A-Xian to tell Wangji to kick Xichen’s ass or something? Not much I can do to your Jin Guangyao though if it’s his fault, unless you want me to sic A-Sang on him or something.”

Nie Mingjue’s retort is lost in the surprise of hearing Jiang Wanyin refer to his brother so casually and he raises an eyebrow at the other man. There’s a beat of silence before he seems to register what he’d just said and he turns to face Nie Mingjue, sitting up on the edge of his bed now and more than alert enough to wonder more seriously just where Jiang Wanyin has been all night. Nie Mingjue has to fight not to snort at the way he dips hastily into an apologetic bow.

“Stop, don’t worry about it. You keep your nose out of my business, and I’ll keep mine out of yours…and my brother’s,” he says, feeling generous. At least if Nie Huaisang is interested in someone in the shatterdome — a respectable pilot, to boot — it’ll mean fewer trips out to the clubs that ring the seedier districts around the shatterdome where he likes to do a bit too much thrill seeking for Nie Mingjue’s tastes.

“Uh…yes. Okay. Thank you.”

“Sure. Thanks for the bed,” he replies with a shrug and a hard clap to Jiang Wanyin’s shoulder that makes the pilot wince a little as he passes him on his way out, pillow and sheet once again in hand. He plans to step into their quarters just long enough to grab a spare set of clothes and head off for the shower Jin Guangyao was correct in saying he definitely needs, but the sight that greets him when he steps through the door is enough to make him reconsider.

He should have known that anything Lan Xichen is so determined to fix would be fixed, but somehow what he’s done still manages to draw Nie Mingjue up short.

“Morning, da-ge,” Jin Guangyao hums from the middle of the veritable ocean of a bed that takes up over 75% of the already-cramped room. He’s lying on the thing sprawled out comfortably with Lan Xichen equally sprawled out with him, an arm thrown over his waist and his face currently buried in Jin Guangyao’s neck, though he’s clearly not sleeping there.

“What the hell did you do?” he asks, more bemused than anything as he tosses his stolen linens onto the bed and climbs in with his partners — and he has to actually make an effort to get in close enough to run a hand through Jin Guangyao’s hair and lean in to kiss Lan Xichen’s exposed cheek (a silent apology for snapping at them earlier; he knows already that they’ll understand).

“Huan-ge pilfered.”

“No one was using my old bed, it was wasted sitting there empty in Wanyin’s room. And it’s hardly as if any of us enjoy splitting up every night to sleep two-and-one, so I brought the other bed in here as well then simply pushed them all together, with some spare nightstand crates for support in the middle. It is not pilfering, I simply…combined our households.”

“He stole,” Jin Guangyao stage-whispers, clearly gleeful about the whole thing (or perhaps just a little sex-giddy. Nie Mingjue thinks it’s safe to assume his partners have made very thorough use of their newly expanded bed already once or twice this morning judging by the incredible ‘cat that ate the canary’ energy they’re both exuding and the fresh hickeys ringing Jin Guangyao’s throat and chest like a necklace).

“You’re both ridiculous,” he mutters and lays down properly on Jin Guangyao’s free side to take his hand and kiss his knuckles. “But thank you, Xichen.”

“Mm my pleasure, believe me.”

They lapse into cozy silence. Domestic. Nie Mingjue gets comfortable and figures out how he wants to fit himself up against the twosome his partners make together. He winds up on his side, head propped up on his fist and his free hand roaming slowly over Jin Guangyao’s warm, smooth skin as he watches Lan Xichen kiss him silly, taking him apart with as much skill as he does everything else in his life.

When Jin Guangyao’s expression is relaxed and cracked open as wide as they’ll probably be able to get it today, Nie Mingjue leans in to capture his lips and his attention with a firm, punctuating kiss to his reddened lips.

“We need to talk about the Drift,” he says. Lan Xichen rewards him with a little kiss of his own for reading his cue correctly.

“Ugh. I suddenly regret allowing you two to combine forces,” Jin Guangyao grumbles, but he doesn’t push either of them away so their efforts to relax him have apparently been deemed good enough.

“Logistics or feelings first?” Nie Mingjue is fairly sure both he and Jin Guangyao would much rather talk about logistics than feelings any day of the week, but he’s also sure that Lan Xichen won't let them off the hook that easily and it’s likely better to just give into the inevitable now than fight him on it later.

“Logistics,” Lan Xichen replies anyway with the sort of self-satisfied smile that says he knows exactly how surprised Nie Mingjue is by the concession. “Though I admit it is difficult to decide which logistical issue is the most pressing.”

Jin Guangyao clears his throat delicately before he says, eyes trained steadily up at the low ceiling overhead, “First: We do not have a Jaeger, and modifications to accommodate three are both expensive and lengthy, particularly if the Jaeger must be refashioned into a less humanoid shape such as Lotus Spider to accommodate three minds, three fighting styles. Second: Mingjue and I are both traumatized in different ways that make it extremely unclear if we’re able to face a Kaiju in battle even if we can get out there. We’ll need to find time in our schedules to test ourselves safely first before we even think about going out to fight. Third: Xichen must still make runs with Wangji unless we plan to end this war within the next two battles, which is highly unlikely as we’re not much closer to a permanent solution than we were six months ago. This leaves him vulnerable and more likely to sustain injury or to…Well. He’s simply at higher risk than Mingjue and I are in here. Fourth: –”

“Stop, that’s enough. Don’t go down the rabbit hole,” Mingjue chides with a kiss to Jin Guangyao’s cheek to (gently) drag him back out.

“Mm. I agree with A-Yao’s ranking, I believe finding a Jaeger for us is the first priority as it will take the longest to acquire, and the others can be handled in the interim. I believe I can confidently say that an entirely new Jaeger is out of the question, both financially and in terms of how long they take to construct even in an emergency, which leaves us the option of finding an existing Jaeger no longer in flight rotation that can withstand extensive modification.”

“Tall order,” Nie Mingjue grunts, though he knows his partners are right. He forces himself to breathe through the way even thinking about facing a Kaiju again directly makes him want to hide in a deep cave and never come out again; forces himself to think about it in a more clinical way. Acquiring a Jaeger doesn’t automatically translate to fighting Kaijus in active duty. He can address the problem of a Jaeger without having to immediately link it to going out to fight again, himself. Definitely.

“But not impossible. An older mech would be best,” Jin Guangyao says without missing a beat as he takes hold of Nie Mingjue’s free hand on his chest to kiss his fingertips in silent acknowledgement of the knot of complicated emotions in his chest. “Mach 3, I’d say. Outdated so it’ll be easy enough to get, but not so out of mode that it’ll take special engineers to repair, as Immortal Mountain does. We’ll likely have to ask Wei Wuxian to oversee the three-way Drift modifications himself, but I doubt he’ll be opposed to having a new tinkering project.”

“Should we put him on the scent to look for one, then?” Nie Mingjue wonders, viscerally hating the idea of adding anything else to Jin Guangyao’s plate (or their brothers’, for that matter) if he doesn’t have to.

“Mm, that’s a good idea, ge. I can assist him as well,” Lan Xichen murmurs between kisses to Jin Guangyao’s bare shoulder. “There isn’t much for me to do besides help down in research, but I don’t believe they need me for anything pressing at the moment now that A-Sang has the information he needs about mine and Wangji’s fighting style and what to do with updating Jade Dragon. Perhaps I could help Wuxian hunt down something that will suit our needs?”

“Sure, if you want to. Two heads are better than one.”

Jin Guangyao snorts a little and stretches, languid and liquid as a particularly contented cat. “What else will we decide from the comfort of our bed, hm?” he explains when Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen both look at him in question. “Now that Huan-ge’s made it so nice for us should we just conduct all the important business of saving the world from here?”

“We can do whatever you’d like, A-Yao,” Lan Xichen hums, as indulgent as ever. Nie Mingjue rolls his eyes, resigns himself to no more shop talk if those two are going to be sharing lovesick looks like that, and flops down onto his back with a soul-deep sigh of contentment that he can finally spread out somewhat and still hold hands with Jin Guangyao beside him.

Despite knowing that there’s still a conversation they still need to have, Nie Mingjue finds himself dozing off again to the sound of his lovers talking quietly in between trading kisses like they have all the time in the world to enjoy each other. Falling asleep is easier than thinking about how much he wishes their life could be just like this, that they weren’t in danger, that they weren’t fighting for their lives, that they could love each other just like this; that their conversations about logistics could be arguments about whether to plant tomatoes in the front yard or the back. The back will get more sun, but the front will appeal to Lan Xichen, he thinks, who will want to be able to chat with the neighbors who pass by while he carefully weeds and tends to their garden. 

Falling asleep is preferable to remembering that auntie’s words from so long ago, that the Nie family is cursed by the blood they shed, so he drifts and doesn’t think about anything at all except for how nice it feels to be loved.

“What are you crying for, ge, hm?”

Nie Mingjue doesn’t open his eyes as Lan Xichen brushes a soft fingertip through a tear track he hadn’t even known was there, damp and cool between the corner of his eye and his temple. He clears his throat and finds suddenly that he isn’t sure he can even open his mouth to speak without losing his composure (alright, so maybe sleeping instead of facing his issues isn’t his best coping mechanism after all).

“Mingjue and I are more likely to have emotional fluctuations after a successful Drift,” Jin Guangyao says with a tiny hint of distaste in the back of his throat, though he still sounds a little fragile himself, feathered and raspy around the edges.

“Mm,” Lan Xichen hums, soft with understanding. He settles in on top of Nie Mingjue, stretching out all the long lines of himself to pin Nie Mingjue down and keep him steady as he continues the tender stroking of a single fingertip along the contours of his face. Nie Mingjue doesn’t dare open his eyes to look up at him — he’s pretty sure if he looks at Lan Xichen like this, so gentle, so tender, so kind in the middle of the hell they live in, he’ll lose control of himself entirely.

“We all hold so much in all the time, and we never really let it go,” Lan Xichen continues after a few long moments. He’s barely speaking above a murmur, and Nie Mingjue is glad for it. As he is, a single loud noise might just shatter him. “I believe we are now all intimately aware of that fact. I don’t believe it is a habit we should continue when we are alone together.”

“I don’t think we’ll have much of a choice, Huan-ge.”

Nie Mingjue sucks in a shuddering breath and slings his arms around Lan Xichen’s slender waist to squeeze him so tightly he squeaks a little in the back of his throat. He drags in another breath and manages to rasp, “A-Yao asked us last night not to leave him. You just said we can do whatever we want. But we can’t. We can’t promise anything, we can’t just do whatever we please.” Nie Mingjue manages to open his eyes, finally, only to find he still has to blink a few times to see Lan Xichen clearly where he’s perched over him and stroking his hair back from his forehead with gentle hands.

“We have duties. Responsibilities. We’re in danger, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Do you know what I really want?”

He does, they all do after their Drift, but Lan Xichen still shakes his head ‘no’, probably sensing how badly Nie Mingjue needs to put his desires into words at least once. If he says it, maybe it won’t feel like such a dirty secret.

“I want to live a peaceful life — with both of you. I want a family I don’t have to send into battle or push to keep working long past their endurance limits because humanity hangs in the balance. I want to be the end of the Nie curse, but I think in the end I’ll die just as violently as all the rest of them do.”

Lan Xichen tuts softly in protest and presses the pad of his thumb to his temple to catch a fresh tear rolling down towards his hair.

“I’ve told you before, I broke your curse,” Jin Guangyao sighs and lays his head down on Nie Mingjue’s shoulder. Nie Mingjue turns his head to press a kiss to his hair since his arms are still occupied with holding Lan Xichen close so he can’t reel him in just as tightly. “You died out there with Lao Nie, and what came back was not you anymore. You had the madness that your aunt said always comes for your family, and I pulled you back out of it.”

“Mmm A-Yao has a point,” Lan Xichen hums, taps his thumb softly against Nie Mingjue’s cheek as he thinks. “And when this is all over, and we find somewhere far away to go — because I will not allow more helplessness, we will get through this — we’ll find a way to really live. None of us has ever been allowed to be. But we will, I have no doubt.”

Silence reigns as Nie Mingjue processes such a confident assurance, Jin Guangyao clearly doing the same at his side if the restless tapping of his fingertip on Nie Mingjue’s arm is any indication.

“Why aren’t you an emotional mess?” Jin Guangyao finally grouses, breaking some of the tension, and Lan Xichen’s delighted laughter is a perfect balm for many of Nie Mingjue’s frayed edges.

“My love, I believe if you both left me to my own devices for longer than 30 seconds you would find that I am similarly affected.”

“He’s fawning, is what he means,” Nie Mingjue attempts to tease, to push through the melancholy scraping gory blood-soaked fingers through his diaphragm. “Because A-Huan takes care of others to hide that he also needs to be cared for.”

“Oh dear.” Lan Xichen at least has the sense to look a little abashed. “Nonsensical as it is, I suddenly find myself wishing I could ask you two to forget what you’ve seen in the Drift. It’s a bit…disconcerting to be seen through so easily.”

“Didn’t need the Drift to see that, gege, don’t worry.” Jin Guangyao sighs, a punctuation, and rolls over to the edge of the bed to stand and stretch luxuriously. Nie Mingjue unashamedly watches him, breathing through the ache (a good one) that sometimes hits him at unexpected moments to see Jin Guangyao so comfortable in his own skin. He’d been so nervous, so eager to please when they were younger. He’d been terrified during his brief stint working under Wen Ruohan in Tokyo, and horribly in pain and slighted every day he lived under Jin Guangshan’s roof with no one to help him. If Jin Guangyao really did cure him of the Nie curse, such as it might be, then he hopes that he’s helped Jin Guangyao just as much in return.

“Now — this has been wonderful and necessary and all, but I would very much like to scrub my skin off if at all possible, and you two may either join me or not but when I get back I will not share this bed with you if you aren’t clean. Choice is yours.”

Nie Mingjue laughs at that, at the adorable way Jin Guangyao’s nose crinkles in disgust and Lan Xichen’s hangdog expression at the thought of being an unacceptable bedmate because of something so silly as a bit of lingering sex funk that is absolutely (mostly) his fault, and he loves these men more than life itself. It chases away the worst of the lingering fear and melancholy, replaces it with a feverish desire to do everything within his power to protect them long enough to see Lan Xichen’s predictions of their peaceful future made real.

He bullies Lan Xichen up and off him so they can make themselves decent enough to follow Jin Guangyao down to the bathrooms, and he keeps his partners close for the rest of the day and into the night. And he thinks maybe they really will be alright, in the end.

[rosethornewrites]

From the next chapter of “and sings the tune without the words.”

Note that last time I wrote from Jiang Yanli’s POV, but I decided that Nie Mingjue should write Lan Xichen instead.

—————

Not that I expected it to be the typical discussion conference with what’s happened, but I also didn’t think I wouldn’t be allowed to attend—not that I want to hear about Wen Ruohan’s resentful energy experiments any further than I have, as what has been trickling in to Jiang Yanli has been unsettling and there is much the servants won’t tell us about. It’s bad enough that we’re not relaying any of it to the younger ones, and poor Wen Qing’s exhaustion is understandable if she’s been forced to watch much of it. I gather Wen-zongzhu felt it constituted medical training for her to be present, so no wonder she grabbed at the opportunity for her entire family to flee from the Wen sect.

As much as the discussion conference started with accusations against Jiang Wuxian, I’m of the opinion that, had Wen Ruohan lived, a war would have been inevitable; either he would have gone mad from wielding resentful energy, or he would have sought more power, or perhaps both. That he was killed basically attacking the boy should have made it clear he caused his own demise, but some among the gentry need an even clearer indication he is a villain somehow—I’ve made note personally of those who would excuse an attack on an ill child, as I don’t think they should be trusted, and I will share them if you wish, but not on paper. I think your uncle will be largely concerned with the disposition of whatever artifact Wen Ruohan was using, which I’m sure some in the Wen sect would like to keep, if it is to be found.

[anotherlinewithout-a-hook]

(Preface : Okay so gollowing the news of Moonbin I have not been coping well and it is currently 4a.m as I write this. I guess in a weird way this is healthier coping mechanism than my other one's. So I am diving into different theories because I would much rather think about 3zun than....yeah.anyhow, my mind is still scattered so please excuse me if the wording and order and grammar is off. ) That being said,

This was really interesting to read! And as 3zun and the Yi City arc are quite literally most of my favourite parts of MDZS, CQL and all other abbreviations linked to this series. I had some thoughts.

I am not trying to argue or start anything, because I truly did enjoy the post above. And hearing from someone with like, you know...actual knowledge on literature. (As opposed to me ranting to my friend who knows nothing of MDZS qnd me who knows next to nothing of literature.) Also I am *not* a literature major(although I wish to be, sigh) my highest qualification is English A levels (which include a lot of literature but is not comparable to Uni Grad) so my thoughts have nothing to do with the structure from a literature point of view. Rather, how I interpreted the story.

I have watched all of the live action and donghua, however I have only read the manhua up till chapter 250 and I have about 40 chapters(excluding the extra chapters) of the book left to go. So my opinion on this is based only on that! Maybe my thoughts will have altered once I finished those.

So, with the parallel thing, I guess it had never been in the front of my mind. Like subconciously I noticed some similarities. But like OP I also think it is more fun to think about them as more than parallels BUT also the idea that they could be parallels is thought provoking.

I like the concept of the parallel in this instance(once again from a reader's pov) because it highlights exactly what I love about MXTX. The fact that her books can be interpreted thousands of ways based on your walk of life and all that. Also that the characters represent real people.

Where I get confused with this is the actual meaning of parallel. I have not studied literature in depth so I know of the concept but not deeply. The definition I am working with is this:

But in this definition, does that mean it is okay that the characters aren't exactly similar?

Because the way I understood it, if we used the more common comparisons (XC and XC, JGY qnd XY qnd SL and NMJ) then a comparison can be drawn because not only are their story lines similar, but so are their characteristics. So it becomes easier to see how the two arcs emphasize each other, which I think is the main point of a parallel?

Whereas if we look at it from annon's perspective, the comparisons drawn share a theme, but not an arc or even similar characteristics the way I see it. Is it then still a parallel if the story lines (because of the order of events)are so different?(or is this what a parallel is all along?)I am unclear on this so if someone can explain this to me, it would be great!

Either way the parallel notion made me compare the characters and that made me think more about their stories and what they represent to each of us. (Which I have been doing since 2019 seriously pls send help.)

Seeing as I don't understand fully what a parallel is, I am just going to draw Comparisons between the different Characters and Arcs and leave everyone to their own thoughts

Much like OP, I naturally assumed the comparison would be between these two so my thoughts on that.

There are a lot of similarities between all of them if we look at it from this perspective.

Similarities Lan Xichen and Xiao Xingchen

- Both meet their eventual (arguable) human form of a downfall at a time of loss.(XXC of his bestie [and eyes] and LXC of his home). 《Actually, in CQL Lan Xichen meets Jiggy on those teachings when they present the gift with Huaisang, yet for some reason I vividly remember Xichen in MDZS meeting Jiggy for the first time while in hiding. It could be that CQL changed it up for the sake of the audience but it could also be because of my terrible memory and my disorganized thoughts. This may not seem like an important change but here's the thing, if XC met Jiggy first as a member of the Nie Sect, then there was inherent trust on his part as he trusts the Nie Clan. It also changes Jiggy's intention if he already knew of Xichen's status amd kindness.》

- Both end up feeling as though they have failed on a basis of their moral compass nearing the end of their arc.

- Both are seen to be this pillar of morality within the story but a deeper look at their stories proves otherwise.

- They have a strong moral compass, yet a gentle approach(as opposed to their counterparts, SL amd NMJ). But this gentle approach is what causes their lapse of judgement?(if I can call it that?)

- Light element in their dynamics.

- They were both warned but chose to see the good in people(which technically goes against Lan Xichen's upbringing but makes sense with his walk of life) A-Qing aka "Little Blind" warned Xingchen continuously and expressed her distrust (and dislike) of Xueyang *especially in the novel*. As did Da-ge of Jiggy but this I saw more of in the live action(though, I just may not have reached that part in the book).

- They both come from a secluded background that doesn't really allow room for questioning their teachings? (To be fair no one really knows what happens on the mountain, but how much room does Xingchen have to question his teachings when he learns from Baoshan Sanren alone and is seperated from the rest of the world).

Xingchen is physically seperated from the world, and while it may seem Xichen isn't, I like to argue emotionally/mentally he is. Besides the Cloud Recesses being quite far from everything already, their teachings are done by Lan Teachers and they live in a weird moral Utopia where Good and Bad can clearly be divided, which cannonically does not stand true.

- Death. Xiao Xingchen's physically and Lan Xichen's emotionally. It really stands out to me when Wei Wuxian says to Xueyang (The spirit in this bag does not want to come back. It is utterly broken, fragmented. Something along those lines.) Which I think is how Xichen feels after Guanyin temple.

(There are many more but, yeah)

Differences between Lan Xichen and Xiao Xingchen

- One the room they are allowed to deal with their emotions. Xingchen roams the world with his bestie for a while. They are free to talk about their emotions and help each other cope. And it works for them. They share a similar world view and have similar goals.

However Xichen and his bestie in this case Mingjue, don't have time for that. They are clan leaders and can't be acting on emotions alone. And also have so much shit to get done. At first glance Lan Xichen is good, but the more you look at it, thete is no way he could have been without severely repressing his emotions.

- The third party(not because they are of less importance but in order that they entered XC²'s arcs) provides something different for them. Jiggy provides Lan Xichen a world away from High Class Society, comfort and the simplicities of life.

Xingchen seems to like how unserious (pos)life is with Xueyang. It seems he and Song Lan where so busy trying to eradicate evil and do right and start their sect not based on blood line. Not to mention how serious SongLan(and Da-ge) are. Jiggy takes care of Xichen(wherw Xichen has never been nurtured), while Xingchen takes care of Xueyang (where Xingchen has never really had anyone to nurture). Which I feel they both needed.

I don't fully understand annon's comparison but I feel it is always important to look at different views. So here is what I picked up from OP's analysis and theirs.(My interpretations might be wrong though)

Similarities bt. Xingchen and Nie Mingjue

-Disability narratives (or what they represent in their arcs)

- Both are within the novel and manhua(if I remember correctly) seen as standards for morality. And it is mentioned or at least highlighted quite clearly(to me) that they are in the different forms of media of the series.

- Their disability is taken advantage of by Xueyang and Jiggy, to lead them to their end after gaining their trust.

- They are both praised within the system that the major clans uphold and promote. They are at the top due to simple luck.(If you know about kpop, this could be simplified to BTS' song Baepsae. Xingchen qnd Mingjue are the Hwangsae or the one's feeding off of a silver spoon and Jiggy and Xueyang are left eating the crumbs of the system).

The differences between Xiao XingChen and Nie Mingjue

- Their approach. Yes they are moral paragons, but Xingchen has a more gentle approach that allows room for reformation. He is strict with his moral code but he is not as harsh or hot headed as Mingjue is. Ironically had each of them had a little more of the other's traits their arcs may have looked drastically different.

- This one is obvious but you know, the nature of their disabilities. (OP spoke about this). Xingchen is physically blind, and he was in control of the situation as he chose to give Song Lan his eyes. He has experienced life with his sight before and gave it up due to his personal belief and moral reasoning.(one could argue he didn't give it up willingly but felt it was the correct thing to do).

Da-ge has never had this chance. Qi- deviation is heriditary in his family and inherrits it. Much like someone who by today's standard we would call neurodivergent, his brain is just built that way. That has always been his view of the world. Made worse by the fact that his father did too! (Invisible disability is also different in some aspect to a visible disabilty, but I think someone with more experience with both should rather speak on this as I only have experience with the former.)

- Their experiences with I guess the antogonists(for lack of a better word) of the arcs?(Jiggy and Xueyang). Mingjue hadn't always hated Jiggy. He was the one who took him in and trained him and promoted him and even reccomended him to the Jin clan. He hasn't always been against him. Compared to Xingchen. Every run in prior to Yi City that he had with Xueyang was negative. Literally.

- Their downfalls were brought by due to different reasons. Yes they were both taken advantage of but also, Da-ge knew it was Jin Guangyao. But he trusted Xichen's judgement. He gave Jiggy the benefit of the doubt against his will, because they were sworn brothers (brought to you by my dearly beloved, Xichen) Whereas Xingchen gave Xueyang the benefit of the doubt from the get go off his own accord.

- Their deaths, although brought upon by other people, are different in nature. Da-ge's death was inevitable. Everyone, even Huaisang was always constantly holding their breath since Da-ge started cultivating amd showing signs. He was going to die at some point, Jin Guangyao sped up the process and made it much more painful than iy needed to be.

Whereas Xiao Xingchen could have continued to roam the Earth until he ascended really. (I know there is no ascension in MDZS as it is low fantasy but it is a metaphor, okay?). That being said their deaths were still painful to watch.

I guess this is part one? Thank you to OP and Annon for discussing this. And bringing the topic up. Once again, these are all just my thoughts and probably not what the author intended.

This isn’t a very popular opinion in the fandom but I think that XY & JGY, XXC & NMJ, & to some extent Song Lan & LXC parallel each other. XY & JGY are class narratives, XXC & NMJ are disability narratives (bc qi deviation is an actual condition in Chinese medicine) & Song Lan & LXC are displacement narratives. Song Lan is affected by the destruction of Baixue Temple while LXC is affected by the destruction of Cloud Recesses. Cql plays up the parallel by having XY get involved with the Wens.

It's a very interesting angle, Anon. The literature grad in me immediately wants to dig my nails into the source material (which, as a disclaimer, I haven't read much of at all. Most of my narrative knowledge comes from CQL. So, as always - take this with a grain of salt).

I would argue that any interpretation, popular or unpopular, should not be as straightforward as a direct parallel between each character in a certain group, simply because it's more fun and narratively rich to mix things up rather than simply using character B as a mirror or vehicle for meaning in character A's development. So that said, for the themes you've pointed out, it's very interesting to consider the alternately parallel characters - for instance, placing XXC and NMJ in parallel to each other when the easier interpretation would pair XXC with LXC, or SL with NMJ for their similar personalities and light/dark motifs.

I feel like the class narrative of XY and JGY speaks for itself, considering the main plot's occupation with status, power and orthodoxy, but where you could interpret XXC's blindness as allegory and compare his "blind trust" of XY with LXC's trust of JGY (which is a metaphor I'm not entirely happy making, to be honest, because I must stress: this interpretation reduces XXC's blindness to just an allegory, and I don't have enough knowledge of the novel to claim that as a true criticism of the source material or not), you can equally claim XY takes advantage of XXC's disability to manipulate him, in the same way that JGY orchestrates and uses NMJ's qi deviation for his own advantage.

In both examples, their 'weakness' is exploited and causes them a moral downfall, wherein NMJ and XXC were both once held up as paragons of virtue in that same system that discriminates against XY and JGY. It might also be interesting to compare the nature of their disabilities as well, within the context of the novel: XXC gives up his eyes for SL, yet another virtuous act, but NMJ's qi deviation is hereditary, and holds some stigma due to its - quite literally deviant - nature. Then we have SL and LXC, who both endure the traumatic destruction of their homes, and the displacement that comes after. Interestingly, LXC finds refuge with JGY and happily 'lowers' himself to JGY's status, while SL never gets that opportunity to find another refuge. He gets the inverse: Yi City, where (to circle back to the more popular parallel) he instead mirrors NMJ in that he is also reduced to something deviant in nature.

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for a Fic...

~*~

1.  Hello! I have a request for the next itmf if you don't mind!! I see fics all the time where it's kind of a running joke that animals/babies/anything really don't like wwx, or just that they like lwj or jc or someone else more. And it kind of makes me more and more sad every time because I genuinely don't think I've read a fic where wwx is first pick for anyone but lwj? So I'd love to read some fics where wwx gets some love!! From people or kids or animals, doesn't matter, I just want to see our best boy being shown love and affection like he deserves!

Postcards from the Horizon by The Feels Whale (miscellea) (T, 7k, WIP, WangXian, Epilogue, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation, Rabbit Acquisition, Second part of a series) Chapter two of Postcards From the Horizon has a pet bunny prefer reincarnated!WWX over immortal!LWJ.

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2. for the next im in the mood for, is there any fics where lwj runs away? it can be modern or canon divergence, he can run away from his family or simply leave them behind, if he's older and all (if there is another ask like this just ignore me, i remember writing and not sending it, but i can be wrong) thank you <3

Life as a House by Terri Botta (Isilwath) (T, 55k, WangXian, Modern AU, Corporate Espionage, Post-Divorce, Father-Son Relationship, Reconciliation, Therapy)

You are all that I want by ThisIsWhereTheMagicHappens (G, 3k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, wangxian meet as kids, the lan handfasting reinvented, lwj doesn't grow up in the lan sect, wangxian live a happy life free of worries, Happy Ending)

moonlight falls Series by RoseThorne (T, 11k, WangXian, Modern AU, Corporate Espionage, Family Fluff, Adoption, Bad parent LQR)

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3. For the next "in the mood for," how about some fics where either Nie Mingjue or Lan Xichen find out about the wen remnants?

Unexpected Solutions by Eleanor_Fenyx (G, 6k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, fix-it of sorts, LXC pov)

the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 70k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a happy ending, LSZ is a Wei)

Hysterical Strength by covalentbonds (Not Rated, 3k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Parent WWX, Fix-It of Sorts, Everybody Lives/Nobody dies) is kinda 2zun discovering about the Wen remnants. But it’s more WWX will murder anyone trying to kill his baby. (As for LWJ thinking WWX/WN is a thing, towards the end of one fic where WWX babysits Wen Yuan for Wen Chao and his mistress, when LWJ meets Wen Yuan again, there is a span of time where he thinks WWX/WN happened when he was gone. Don’t remember the title though.)

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4. Hi for the next in the mood for do you know any where wen ruohan adopts wei wuxian or just like gets close to him/takes care of him? Doesn't have to be a good!ruohan fic he could still be power hungry and murdery but maybe wei ying is his one soft spot? Maybe he wages war on the other sects in retaliation for how they treated wei ying? Anything is fine really I just want to see a good relationship between wen ruohan and wei wuxian. Thank you!

Scars of Lightning by  The_peregrine_falcon (T, 6k, WWX & YZY, WWX & WRH, wangxian, not YZY friendly, wen WWX, major character injury, heavy angst, muteness, hurt kinda comfort)

This one isn’t adoption, instead an actual son, but you might like it anyway Transpose by Marinelifeclub (Not rated, 35k, wangxian, time travel, wen WWX, canon divergence, Qishan Wen wins, not Jiang friendly, bitter WWX, WIP)

All Things Belong by kuroi_atropos (M, 24k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, WWX is a Wen, Abuse, Whipping, Manipulations, Smart WWX) For the Wen Ruohan & Wei Wuxian ask, All Things Belong. Wen Ruohan is surprised to discover he is a very doting grandfather.

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5. Hello! For the next iitmf, can I get 3zun fics with a happy ending? I apologize if this has been listed before but I can't find it in all my scrolling back. Thanks!!

Troika by Nirejseki (T, 3k, 3Zun, Telepathic Bond, Dream Sharing, Lucid Dreaming, Snark)

3zun Raise Jingyi AU by Deriliarch (T, 86k, 3Zun, Fluff, Light angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/comfort, Kid fic) @guqin-and-flute on tumblr

Where There's A Will, There's A Road by little-smartass (T, 35k, 3Zun, Canon Divergence, Case fic, Hurt/comfort)

Company Is Coming! by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf and tardigradeschool (E, 26k, 3Zun, Modern AU, Domestic fluff, Slice of Life, Emotional Hurt/comfort, Explicit Sex)

Silverspun by Sleepless_Malice (E, 26k, 3Zun, Arranged marriage, Explicit Sex, Threesome, Touch-Starved, Size kink)

3Zun Fixit AU Series by Eleanor_Fenyx (E, 132k, 3Zun, Angst with a happy ending, Time Travel, Established Relationship, Hurt/comfort, Fluff)

Modern Sunshot AU Series by Eleanor_Fenyx (E, 174k, 3Zun, Modern AU, Angst with a happy ending, Fluff, Light angst, Smut) I have two different 3zun series that are both happy endings, one time travel fix-it in canon-verse and one modern sort-of-Sunshot-Campaign AU

10 Things I Hate About Dating at Gusu Academy by KouriArashi (T, 59k, 3Zun, Modern AU, High school, Developing relationship, Mutual Pining, Happy ending) I have a favorite 3zun fic. It’s modern au, but happy ending

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6. Hiii Thanks you really for everything that you do ✨ And I’m really sorry because I have a lot for your IITMF 😅 do you have A) teenage wwx being a father but not modern au more like canon B) a Wangxian fif but with wwx & nhs being bff like annoying master mind 😂 and C) still Wangxian but with wwx & wq acting loke brother an sister ( wwx calling her jie and calling yanli shijie) thanks again 🥰 @ihaveasoftspotfora-yuan

6A)

I’m not the father! I swear! by Fairygirl34 (T, 9k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Crack treated seriously, Kid Fic)

6B)

Nie Huaisang's Ten Steps to Fix The Fucked Up Reality by cosmic_zephyr (astralcelestia) (T, 62k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, scheming, BAMF WWX, BAMF WQ, BAMF NHS, BAMF LWJ, manipulation, WIP)

Crowded by nirejseki (G, 2k, NHS & WWX, wangxian, LWJ/WWX/NHS, canon divergence, different body offering ritual, sharing a body, sentient sabers)

and so falls the fan by b_ofdale (G, 4k, NHS & WWZ, post-canon, reconciliation, light angst, hurt/comfort)

your problem as a mountain. by cupofwater (E, 31k, wangxian, NHS & WWX, canon divergence, no sunshot, epistolary, getting together, misunderstandings, pen pals, sexual fantasy)

while covered in mud by merthurlin (T, 12k, NHS & WWX, NHS & NMJ, NHS & Wen remnants, mentioned wangxian, canon divergence, fix-it, NHS goes farming and Hates It)

Counting Brushes by Fortune_Maiden (T, 6k, NHS & NMJ, NHS & WWX, wangxian, canon divergence, fluff & crack, humor, hurt/comfort)

6C)

the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 70k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a happy ending, LSZ is a Wei) this also counts

Nie Huaisang's Ten Steps to Fix The Fucked Up Reality by cosmic_zephyr (astralcelestia) (T, 62k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, scheming, BAMF WWX, BAMF WQ, BAMF NHS, BAMF LWJ, manipulation, WIP)

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7. Hiii would you know any teacher wwx and teacher lwj fics ? Ive read some but maybe i missed some? I really enjoyed the ones where the students find out wangxian are married

Buried Deep by NeverEnoughWangxian (T, 11k, wangxian, modern, teacher WWX, professor LWJ, pining, miscommunication, angst w/ happy ending, getting together)

starlight shining brighter by Sienne (Not rated, 20k, LJY & LWJ, LJY & WWX, LJY & The Juniors, fluff, the 13 years, post-canon, parent LWJ, teacher LWJ, teacher WWX)

Star-crossed by MrsKnightleysDays (G, 1k, wangxian, moder, teacher LWJ, teacher WWX, misunderstandings, middle school)

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8. Hi 👋 for the next "im in the mood for " post, can you please recommend fics where wangxian enter a dom/sub relationship with dom wwx and sub lwj (something similar to the crazy in love series ). Preferably with wwx pov.

Your love has lifted me higher by Lanwangjisnights (E, 5k, WangXian, WIP, Modern AU, Dom WWX, Top WWX, Bottom LWJ, Marathon Sex, Explicit Sex)

Friday Nights Series by Lanwangjisnights (M/E, 15k, WangXian, Modern AU, Dom WWX, Top WWX, Switch LWJ, Falling in Love, BDSM, Explicit Sex)

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9. I'm in a mood for your favorite fluff fics! Y'know, the ones that kinda make you want to go scream into a pillow!

A Wallet Found by AShippingAddict (T, 6k, WangXian, Modern AU, Baby LSZ, Kid Fic, Single parent WWX, Fluff, Meet-Cute)

Please Call Me Again by legendlanzhan ( T, 5k, WangXian, Modern AU, Kid fic, Single parent WWX, Prank calls, Fluff, Humor)

Lost & Found // 有缘千里来相会 by la_muerta for ChaoticAndrogynous (T, 6k, WangXian, Modern AU, Kid fic, Family feels, Fluff, Accidentally taking someone else's suitcase, Single parent WWX)

First Errand by Zacksy (G, 7k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single parent WWX, Fluff, Baby LSZ, Kid Fic, Meet-Cute)

One way to me by ThisIsWhereTheMagicHappens (T, 3k, WangXian, Modern AU, Switch WangXian, Domestic fluff, Getting together)

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10. Drop the top 3 best fanfic of wangxian you've ever read

🧡Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 348k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement)

🧡 close your eyes, feel my heartbeat by ThatDesiGirl (T, 11k, blind!WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rewriting Canon, not a fix-it but a what-if, Golden Core Transfer)

🧡I Don't Want to Debut! by countingcr0ws (G, 56k, WangXian, Modern AU, Reality show, Idols, Actor LWJ, Forced Contestant WWX) (I have a really hard time keeping a consistent top 3 of anything 😅 So instead here are 3 fics I really enjoyed reading, it's really hard not to add more...~ Mod C)

Oof, it really is super hard to choose top three :’D Here are definitely three fics that really have stayed with me after reading them ~Mod L

💖symmetry by bleuett (M, 45k, wangxian, scifi au, space au, non-sexual intimacy, angst w/ happy ending, time travel, yearning, reunions, hurt/comfort)

💖Teen Project to Change the World animeloverhomura (Not rated, 596k, wangxian, watching the series, fix-it of sorts, bamf!wwx, WIP)

💖love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, immortal WWX, slow burn, pining, arranged marriage, Mojo’s post)

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11. Hi! How are you doing? I was wondering whether there are fics where lan wangji thinks wen ning and wwx are married!!

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12. Hi! I hope your day is going great! For the next in the mood for… I was wonder if anyone has recs of fics with lan an’s wife? Could be the character herself or just stories about her, thanks!

No Paths Are Bound by CataclysmicEvent (E, 803k, hualian, novel retelling therefore major spoilers ahead!, hurt/comfort, horror elements, internalized homophobia, graphic violence, torture, suicide attempt, genderfuid character, sexual content, sexual assault, domestic violence, refs to MDZS & SVSSS, WIP) While this is TGCF fic it has Lan An's story in it! Unfortunately I can’t remember how detailed it is since it has been a while since I read any of this ~Mod L

Here in the Garden Where You Grew by Admiranda (G, 3k, wangxian, lan an/lan an’s cultivation partner, modern, hippies, fluff)

Yearning for Miles by Murahi (M, 378k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time travel, Fix-It, Angst with a happy ending, Fluff stories and flashbacks, they feature in the second half

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13. Can you recommend me the best non jc friendly?

Bottles of White by ThisIsWhereTheMagicHappens (T, 6k, LWJ&JC, Canon Compliant, Missing Scene, we don't like LQR in this work, Hurt No Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Grief/Mourning, Emperor's Smile) not sure if its "the best" but its def non JC friendly. At least Ch1?

Preludian_staves work

The Core Issue by Hauntcats (T, 21k, wangxian, WQ & WWX & WN, NHS & WWX & NMJ, canon divergence, golden core rebuilding, golden core tied to soul, angst w/ happy ending, not JC friendly)

All will be well when the day is done by abCEE (T, 76k, wangxian, canon divergence, time travel, fix it, not Jiang friendly, lan WWX, butterfly effect, no sunshot)

I'll Take the Path of Thorns by Admiranda (G, 6k, wangxian, cloud recesses study era, curses, not JC friendly, clever WWX, baby wangxian)

bleed by justdoityoufucker (T, 5k, wangxian, time travel, canon divergence, families of choice, getting together, not JC friendly, fluff, hurt/comfort)

Resilience. by Vrishchika (T, 7k, wangxian, time travel, not JC friendly, golden core transfer fix-it)

All will be well when the day is done by abCEE (T, 76k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time travel, Fix-It, Good uncle LQR, Not Jiang family Friendly, Lan WWX)

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14. do u know any fics with people/wwx mixing up the twin jades shenanigans (or them deliberately for some reason being 'desguised' as one another)?

The Twin Jade Problem by bonyenne (T, 22k, WangXian, Modern AU, College AU, Fluff, Misunderstandings, Humor, Mistaken Identity) "The one where Wei Wuxian thinks Lan Zhan is twins (yes, both of them), and Lan Wangji thinks Wei Wuxian is dating Lan Xichen."

one out of three by everythingispoetry (T, 9k, wangxian, cloud recesses study era, misunderstandings, fluff, “LZ” is actually identical triplets, romantic comedy, matchmaking siblings)

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15. Howdy! I'm always grateful for every mods hardwork ❤ I Wonder if you or any otherbperson knows of good A/B/O wangxian where its alfa!wwx and omega!lwj or a strange pairing? Like alfa x beta, both alpha or both omegas... that would be delightful! @nia-rarita

举头望明月 - Looking up at the bright moon by Lanwangjisnights (M, 39k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Alpha LWJ, Omega/Alpha WWX, Fox WWX, Explicit Sex, Top LWJ/Bottom WWX, Mpreg, Dual Cultivation) This is a series about different dynamics than usual a/b/o. Not sure if this is what had been searched for, but I thought I'll offer

What makes me by deliciousblizzardshark (M, 11k, wangxian, non-traditional ABO dynamics, trans omega LWJ, sexism, found family, supportive WWX, YLLZ WWX, the omega revolution, fluff, hurt/comfort, bitching as gender confirmation surgery)

ornament by iliacquer (E, 5k, wangxian, extremely dubious consent, ABO, alpha WWX, omega LWJ, public sex, public humiliation, exhibitionism, breathplay, collars)

plant the seed of your love, let it take root by lulu_kitty (E, 37k, wangxian, modern, ABO, alpha WWX, omega LWJ, in quarantine, getting together, mating cycles/in heat, nesting, knotting, mpreg, unplanned pregnancy, fluff & smut)

❤️spider lilies to sunflowers by cicer (E, 33k, wangxian, ABO, YLLZ WWX, fairy tale elements, mpreg, omega LWJ, alpha WWX, LWJ topping from the bottom, Mojo’s post)

i am the storm by everythingispoetry (M, 4k, wangxian, canon divergence, sunshot campaign, ABO, omega LWJ, omega WWX, BAMF WWX, protective WWX, pre-relationship, mentions of non-con, mentions of miscarriage)

How to Deal with the Conundrum of Your Past Self: A Case Study by anatheme (E, 16k, wangxian, ABO, post-canon, established relationship, YLLZ WWX, a!YLLZ/a!LWJ/o!WWX, pining, sexual tension, bottom LWJ, switch wangxian, knotting, happy ending)

so full of love i could barely eat by cicer (E, 40k, wangxian, ABO, canon divergence, breastfeeding, lactation kink, golden core reveal, fix-it)

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16. Hi all! For the next I'm in the mood for, does anyone have any Xuanli fics? Other ships are acceptable but I would love ones that focus at least partially on their relationship developing. Thanks for all you do mods!

Letters to My Partner in Crime by pupeez4eva (T, 17k, XuanLi, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Study Era, Matchmaking, Humor, Public confessions)

Rise of the Peacock by JustAWanderingBabbit  (Not Rated, 62k, WIP, XuanLi, 3Zun, Canon Divergence, Time travel Fix-It, Jin Siblings bonding)

Jin Zixuan Vrs. Consequences by Dei_Starr (DeiStarr) (M, 15k, Xuanli, JZX & JGY, JYL & LXC, arranged marriage, broken engagement, consequences, awkward JZX, getting back together, xuanly endgame, BAMF JYL, political alliances, angst & humor, happy ending, WIP)

Jin Zixuan Does the Time Warp by marigold_sigil (G, 6k, Xuanli, JZX & everyone, time travel fix-it, crack treated seriously, temporary character death, everyone lives au, bad humor, not JZ or JGS friendly, sect leader JZX)

Aftermath by KouriArashi (T, 57k, JYL/JZX, wangxian, everybody lives (except JGS) au, romance, developing relationship, family, attempted sexual assault, processing trauma)

Teen Project to Change the World animeloverhomura (Not rated, 596k, wangxian, watching the series, fix-it of sorts, bamf!wwx, WIP) While it is mainly focused on wangxian and the whole watching the series, relationship between Xuanli is developed rather nicely in it

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17. Hi mods! Lately, I have been craving modern fics where wwx disappeared for however many years, and lwj happens upon him with a-yuan (or any child) and thinks that wwx must've married someone and had a child with them. Pls and ty for the recs!

a sensational team series by twigofwillow (G, 29k, wangxian, modern, fluff, little bit of angst, found family, librarian LWJ, afrmers market WWX, greenhouse au, tea, friendship)

estuaries by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 34k, wangxian, modern, break up/make up, pining while fucking, single dad, angst w/ happy ending)

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[not-rude-ginger]

Loved your most recent chapter. Xichen developing a crush on Jiang Cheng (that IS what’s happening, right?) was not a development I saw coming. Seriously can’t wait for the baby’s appearance!

All will be revealed in the next chapter, which is the 3rd and final interlude, from JLs POV.

But yeah, he's not being very subtle, is he. But JC is not good at reading this stuff so he'll have to spell it out.

[silvysartfulness]

Sent this ask a while ago but Tumblr most likely ate it so I'm gonna copy and paste it: Just read chapter 46 and as usual it was a rollercoaster of emotions, can't wait for the next one 💚 Glad to see our disaster trio have a new plan, but unfortunately I think they're gonna fail once again because if this story follows Cql canon, Lan Xichen is supposed to be in seclusion so the letter won't be able to reach him nor the Lan Jade is gonna be interested in becoming Chief Cultivator. Wangxian are traveling the world right now, so the only authority figure they're gonna find in Cloud Recesses is... Lan Qiren! Good luck with that 🤣 Unless you don't plan to change LxC's decision and have him out of seclusion for whatever reason. Honestly, I hoped our heroes would reach Guanyin Temple in time to change Jin Guangyao's fate but unfortunately that didn't happen. I'm a huge XueYao fan (as partners in crime, not lovers) so I wanted to see XY and JGY interact more 😔 Changing topic, I think SongXue's quarrels at this point are caused by misunderstandings and unspoken feelings rather than by grudges of the past. From his pov, XY after the sweet moments they spent last night where SL was gentle and seemed to care about him (he was almost convinced), was expecting to see at least some glimpses of that change of attitude the day after, but for his own disappointment SL went back to his stoic behavior as if last night never happened. XY at that point thought that the last night meant nothing to SL and was hurt, so he went back being hostile. He most likely thinks that SL is an hypocrite who in private acts sweet with him to get what he wants and later act as if nothing happened, a double faced asshole who dates two ppl at the same time where one is the official lover who proudly presents to the world, the other is the secret lover destined to stay in the shadows because is ashamed of him. And he's most likely still convinced that SL wants him gone so him and XXC could love each other without obstacles. That's why XY suggested that XXC doesn't know SL so well as he believes, he pretends to care when he really doesn't. XY is a pessimistic guy, so of course can't really see nothing but negative things.

When it comes to SL, at this point he's perfectly aware that pretending to not have feelings for XY is useless, but is not ready to use the "love" word to describe his emotions. He's living an inner turmoil, deep dows he knows to be in love with XY but still sometimes feels guilty for loving him because of the memory of Baixue ppl and because he's "cheating" on XXC. SL is a man who shows his emotions through actions rather than words so at this point he'd expect XY to get that, if not that he cares about him, at least that he doesn't want him gone. But when XY accuses him of being disappointed because with JGY dead, he'd lost his chance to get rid of him, he feels outraged and hurt so he just leaves. So yeah, both are expecting from the other a certain behavior/understanding and when they're disappointed in their expectations, misunderstandings happen. I think at some point said misunderstandings will cause a heated conversation between SongXue and in that occasion, XXC could overhear something about their secret affair. At this point XXC has two choices: one is to feel hurt and betrayed and to dump them both and the other is to feel relieved about SongXue loving each other so that he won't be forced to choose between them also because in this case, neither XY or SL would willingly play the 3rd wheel role, XY in particular. One of them would be forced to go away.

Looking forward to the next chapter, bye 👍🍬💋

Oh, man, I'm so so sorry it's taken me so long to reply to this!

I LOVE long amazing comments like this, they're absolute life fuel for me, but they can also be a bit overwhelming to respond to!

THANK YOU, truly, for writing such an amazing long message, I can't thank you enough, it's absolutely wonderful!

As for how the future plot (and the poor characters' struggle to make Xiao Xingchen's great dream come true) play out, that is of course something you'll have to read the rest of the story to find out! There's quite some way to go yet, and the trio have only just found out about some of the major changes happening in the cultivation world, making their plans best they can for now.

And Song Lan and Xue Yang... Yeah. They're very much talking past each other, but also themselves. Song Lan, at least, has enough self-insight to (very very grudgingly) admit to himself that he has grown fond of Xue Yang. maybe even more than that. He still doesn't like thinking that thought to the end.

Xue Yang, on the other hand, is notoriously bad at parsing emotions, his own and others', and so remains blissfully unaware not only of Song Lan's affection, but the fact that he himself has grown to love Song Lan, too. He's such a mess, I love him. ♥

So no, he's not even aware that Song Lan likes him, and so not hurt by the idea that he doesn't. If anything, he's a bit disappointed, because teasing Song Lan with sexual innuendos is fun, and the next morning Song Lan was completely unfazed, and thus boring. The way he brushed his hear real tenderly was nice though...

And yes, as you say, Song Lan is trying to convey his torn affections through gifts and gestures, and so far it's hit-or-miss whether Xue Yang even realizes, not to mention how he'll react. Poor Song Lan. He never asked for this chaos in his life. XD

Their relationship is incredibly complicated, and will keep being complicated as they go forward, though at least there is profound fondness there now. Whether the idiots in question want to admit it or not. 😁

Thank you so much again for your long comment! Chapter 47 is currently being beta'd and translated, so if everything goes to plan, I'll post it next week!

[otakuchan449]

Rules: Share the first line of ten of your most recent fanfics and then tag ten people. Don't have ten? Not to worry, just share what you have.

Thanks for tagging me @r95irth let’s see what I’ve got. Also you can find me on ao3 under chicalatina449

1) “ Lan Xichen was proud of his accomplishments, he had moved out on his own after finishing his degree and working as a painter part-time while also owning a bookshop.” It was originally a gift exchange for Xicheng but I want to turn it into more and explore for Jang Cheng ships. But any who nyan Cheng gets found and taken in by Xichen, modern day au. (Lay All Your Love On Me)

2) “ “Ah ah, yes just like that,” Jin Rulan says as Lan Sizhui continued to hit his prostate with precision over and over again.” Fic about Jin Ling and Lan Sizhui, Jin Ling POV. He’s the leader of the Jin Sect and has a secret romance but the elders have different plans for him. (Golden And Sweet As Honey)

3) “He Xuan walks into the Heavenly Offical Burlesque and heads to his usual booth.” ABO, Mafia ish au, heavy on smut not to be taken too seriously. Hua Cheng/Xie Lian/He Xuan/ Shi Qingxuan. (While You’re Here In My Arms)

4) “Rumors kept spreading that Xie Lian, the new…old god was colluding with the Calamities.” It’s pretty much my friend and my role play turned into a fic so it’s slow to update bc of that. It’s kinda cute, we are really happy with a ship that wasn’t supposed to happen and now we both ship them hard. To sum it up rummies spread that He Xuan and Xie Lian are married, it’s news to the “couple” and so they start their “friendship” via cooking lessons but feelings get involved. And yes it’s a series, my co author is Kirty8o. (Easy Money & A Fake Husband)

5) “The guppies were swimming around each other, teasingly and unaware of any potential danger.” A bit older but I am working on the next chapter cuz I’m not leaving any Jean/Marco fic unfinished and yes that also means Boy Berry Barcelona one will get an update soon too. SNK mermaid au, (Amare)

6) “Kenma struggled to open his eyes, he couldn't really focus on his surroundings.” Supernatural, multicultural au. I have and had so many ideas for Haikyuu but it’s slowed down since I entered MXTX hell 😂 but any who. Kenma and Akaashi are cousins and they are also psychic, they immigrated to Canada as children. They meet others like them and have their little paranormal investigation group aside from their regular jobs. Akaashi’s sister gets kidnapped, but no one remembers her due to the spell except for Kageyama, so will Kuroo eventually. Mentions of humans exploiting paranormal creatures and vice versa. Saving the world etc. (Atopos)

7) “Huaisang was once again on the late-night shift with his buddies at the local convenience store.” Niecest so if not your cup of tea please don’t read. Basically Nie siblings do not know about each other. They are aware that somewhere out there there is a possible sibling. Huaisang has his mother’s last name Meng, and yes he is Meng Yao’s cousin. Meets Nie Mingjue because Mingjue went to pick up something at the conbini where Huaisang worked and start dating. (Bound)

8) “Jin Ling loves Jiujiu but it seems everyone always wants Jiujiu’s attention.” Part of the Jiujiu and A’Ling week. Jin Ling doesn’t know how to share his jiujiu. Any and all attempted romances have been shut down by the boy stickier than Lou Binghe. Valentines Day is the worst day in Jin Ling’s mind but with so many things going on he almost forgets and has to “save” his jiujiu from jiujiu thieves. But is there an A’Ling thief? (Don’t Jiu Love Me Baby)

9) “Jin Ling was a spoiled rotten little brat.” Another of jiujiu and A’Ling week, there are like 9 fics. Jin Ling is all grown up and going to university abroad. Jiujiu is helping him pack and he finds a duck plushie he made for baby Jin Ling. (Patush)

10) “Jiang Cheng knows he has a big responsibility, he is after all Jin Ling’s favorite person.” Another of jiujiu and A’Ling week, where Jiang Cheng is going to give the kids the best sleep over of their lives. (Once Upon a Jiujiu)

I guess I can’t put the two svsss fics I have bc they aren’t published yet. Well the first chapters aren’t done yet any ways but one or two moshang a coming up and one “fix it” with an extra transmigrator.

@tossawary @ruyixoxo @saysong91 …I don’t know many who still have tumblr 😅 but these are some fantastic writers I follow that have tumblr

Rules: Share the first line of ten of your most recent fanfics and then tag ten people. Don't have ten? Not to worry, just share what you have. Tagged by @lansplaining

SUPRISE they're all xiyao <3 Jump to n.7 if you've already seen all of the tumblr drabbles!

They say people know only one color in their life until they meet the One that opens their eyes. (soulmate AU drabble)

“I’ve been thinking we should pick up a new hobby. Something we can do together.” (swing dancing drabble)

Meng Yao was thirteen when the first bleeding came. (Fallow Fields backstory drabble)

“Do you come here often?” (strangers roleplay drabble)

When Meng Yao found the snake, the mother-of-pearl luster of its scales was largely concealed by mud and caked blood, but Meng Yao had always had an eye for treasure. (noodle Lan drabble)

“What is that?” Wen Ruohan asks, pointing at Meng Yao’s glittering necklace. (Wen Yao & dragons drabble)

Since he was a child, Lan Xichen could see ghosts before he ever began his cultivational training, which, he later came to understand, was not the norm. ("Sweet dreams (are made of this)" - 12k oneshot, canonverse, ghost!meng yao changes the story.)

It is in Jin Guangyao’s nature to never resign himself to death no matter how dire the circumstances, to fight against inevitability even if it means garnering pity and scorn. ("Fallow Fields", multichapter/ complete, guanyin temple canon divergence, trans jgy)

Lan Xichen has known about the painting for a long time. ("Apocryphal", modern AU oneshot, that "meeting in front of a painting depicting you in a past life" prompt)

Lan Xichen had always thought himself simply too busy for romantic entanglement. ("Fish Husbandry", meryao egg sequel, romcom and horny!!!)

not the rec-list I'd come up with for my own work but you know what... it works.

tagging @fox-fic-and-ink, @r95irth, @threephasebird if you'd like to do it!

[thebiscuiteternal]

This was originally a twitter thread and I told myself I wasn’t gonna clean it up and post it until after I finished the next chapter of Cage, but we all know I have the impulse control of a hamster, SO.

“All Your Sins On Show” Murder Plots, Violent Death, Grief, Talking to the Dead, Literally, Creating Your Own Personification of Guilt, Open Ending, Mixed Adaptations, Second-Person POV

Ao3 Link if you prefer.

__________

It comes down to this: Your father wants the Nie out of his hair by any means necessary.

No, no, that's not right. He specifically wants the Nie heir dead.

"Anyone can see the useless little bitch is their only weak spot. Kill him and they all crumble, especially that oaf Chifeng-zun," he says, then gives you the knife-edge smile he reserves for when he knows you'll give him anything for a more authentic one. "Can you get it done, or do I need to find someone more reliable?"

And you ignore the discomfort worming through your insides, smile back, and bow.

It comes down to this: The plan doesn’t take very many parts to set into motion. The smaller sects are still struggling after the decimation the Wens dealt to the cultivation world. It's easy enough to find a disciple desperate for more than his leader is paying.

It's even easier to goad Nie Mingjue into pushing his brother to join a ‘simple’ training-level night hunt, since Nie Huaisang has been avoiding using his saber yet again.

It goes like this: At your signal, the bribed disciple 'panics' and shoves Nie Huaisang into the path of a rampaging cursed beast that he has no chance of winning against, and then you make sure your turncoat doesn't escape either.

In the chaos, no one notices how seriously Nie Huaisang has been injured until the monster falls and someone realizes he never got  back to his feet.

Horrified Nie disciples crowd around, flooding his body with spiritual energy to try and save his life, but between his cracked open ribcage and bitten throat, anyone with eyes can see it's a lost cause.

Nie Huaisang dies choking on his own blood, and all anyone can hope is that the shock of the first blow left him too numb to suffer.

It goes like this: The inhuman howl of anguish Nie Mingjue makes when heartbroken disciples hand him his brother’s ruined body is everything your father has likely been hoping for.

Only then, watching him fall to his knees, do you remember that their father came home in similar condition after being set up by a friend, and your stomach knots so tightly you nearly throw up right there in the courtyard.

Only then, looking at the small figure cradled in the sobbing man's arms, death white save for where he is covered in rust red, does it hit you that for the first time, you have killed someone who never did anything to harm you.

Who never did anything to deserve it.

Who was only in the way of what your father wanted.

You'd been prepared to fake tears.

You don't have to.

~"Da-ge?"~

It goes like this: The voice, confused and nervous and as wispy as if being carried by wind, makes ice form around your spine.

Because it belongs to the body lying before the three of you.

Your hands clench on your knees as you brace yourself and glance to your right, but neither of your sworn brothers seem to have heard the plaintive call. Lan Xichen has been in meditation since he arrived to join you, the furrow between his eyebrows and the unnatural pallor of his skin the only signs of his sorrow, and Nie Mingjue has long exhausted himself into silence, staring with empty eyes at the coffin.

~"Da-ge! Come on, this isn't funny!"~

The ice spreads into your blood when you see him.

Nie Huaisang pulls and shoves at his older brother, every bit the child upset by an adult ignoring them when they’re used to getting a reaction.

Except Nie Huaisang is also in the coffin, and unlike that one, this one still bears all the ruinous injuries that ended his life at all of twenty-three.

~"I'm sorry about the argument,"~ he pleads, his demeanor growing more desperate and despondent with every moment Nie Mingjue doesn't respond. ~"I'll go on the hunt, just talk to me! Da-ge!"~

Your breath locks in your chest, surrounded by frost.

He doesn't know.

You swallow hard, forcing down the mixture of bile and hysterical laughter that threatens to bubble out of your throat.

Because you are kneeling in a tomb with the body of someone whose death you set up, and he is also right there next to you, begging his mourning brother to acknowledge him because he can’t see that he’s dead.

Who wouldn’t laugh, faced with that kind of absurdity?

"A-Sang."

The name falls from your mouth so quietly that your sworn brothers don't even twitch, but Nie Huaisang straightens like a startled deer.

There are bloody tears steadily trickling down his cheeks, but it's the hope that floods eyes clouded over by death that makes you feel lightheaded. ~"San-ge? San-ge! Tell him I'm sorry, he’ll listen to you!"~

And it's because Nie Mingjue listened to you, despite you having given him so many reasons not to do so anymore, that Nie Huaisang's ghost is begging for your help now, rather than his whole self.

Hands covered in still dripping blood reach for you beseechingly, and that's the last thing you remember before the world goes black.

It goes like this: You wake up in the healers' ward, Lan Xichen hovering worriedly by your bed. "Liu Feng says your qi is disturbed," he says, gentle as always.

You involuntarily glance at the figure by his side, miserably pulling at his sleeve in an attempt to be noticed.

"Too many late nights," you say. "Nothing more."

For once you want him not to believe you, to push for a better explanation than that, but he simply nods. "I'll let the healers know you're up," he says.

And then it's just you and... him .

~"San-ge, why is everyone else acting like I'm not here?"~ he asks, small and broken and unaware of the blood ceaselessly dripping from his mouth and throat and chest to pool around his feet. ~"Even Er-ge won’t speak to me! I know Da-ge and I haven't been getting along, but have I really been that much of a brat?"~

"No..." you say, barely managing to get enough air in your lungs to expel the word. "That's not it. A-Sang-"

'I killed you. You loved me and I killed you because you weren't the one I wanted to be loved by.'

"A-Sang... you went on the hunt you and your brother argued about. There... there was an accident."

The slow dawn of understanding in his expression is horrible to watch.

Worse is watching him break down sobbing.

It goes like this: A lost and dazed Nie Huaisang lingers next to you during the funeral, icy fingers clutching your sleeve, and you can't help but wonder if he can see or experience it at all when Nie Mingjue burns the joss for him, or if he sees only a vacant courtyard.

He only leaves you twice when it's over, and each time he returns to you a little more heartbroken by his continued failure to make contact with his brother.

~"San-ge... San-ge, what will I do?"~ he asks quietly, head bowed and kneeling in the ever-present pool of blood that forms wherever he stops long enough. ~"If I can't make him see me, what will I do? What will happen to me?"~

"I don't know," you say, though you have an inkling.

Clearly the circumstances have bound him to you. When you leave, would he follow? Would he linger? Would he disappear? Would he have a choice in the matter either way?

How the hell did this happen? Surely he hadn't done anything to warrant such a cruel punishment from the heavens, so is it a punishment for you? Or is there a simpler answer, something to do with the specific monster that killed him?

But that... you will look into the matter later, when you have built back up the necessary mental fortitude for what you might find.

For now, it ends like this: Seeking the only comfort available to him, he curls at your side to rest his head against your knee.

It’s a familiar seating position for the two of you, old and comfortable from the days where he would insist on sleeping next to you while you finished late reports.

Except now he is dead and instead of gentle warmth, there is a cold that shocks through you at the point of contact between you and it’s sharp and bitter and spears all the way into your bones.

You bite back a gasp of pain, then collect yourself and reach down to run your fingers through blood-slick hair.  You force yourself to ignore the sensation of frostbite in your fingertips and how each stroke stains your hand a darker red.

Because you deserve it.

Because he needs you.

Because no one else will see.

[weiying-lanzhan-fics]

Friday Night Drunks by piecrust

Best line from this story IMO:

NM: “Poor weirdo brother.”

Don’t get it? Read the story. Hilarious!!!!!

Four chapters each with a different POV (LZ, LX, WY, and NM).

Me: Should I have posted this on a Friday? Maybe… Can I pretend Sunday is Friday? If I squeeze my eyes shut and never get out of bed 😜

Quotes:

Lan Xichen has never made a mistake in his life.

Lan Wangji knows this and loves this about him.

Except…

His brother – his wonderful, perfect, kind older brother – has fucked up this time.

Has seriously fucked up.

Wangji watches his Wei Ying draped over this “da-ge” that Xichen has brought over and it’s almost surprising, even to him, how much murderous rage he’s feeling in that moment.

————

Wei Wuxian can’t decide whether making the Lan brothers drink with him was a good idea or a bad idea anymore.

Lan Zhan must decide that Wei Wuxian has averted his gaze away from him for too long because he physically forces Wei Wuxian’s face into his chest.

“You are not qualified to look at Wei Ying,” Wei Wuxian hears Lan Zhan say.

There’s a beat of silence where Wei Wuxian thinks Nie Mingjue might be weighing the pros and cons of smashing Lan Zhan’s head between his biceps.

“Next time, only Xichen drinks,” Nie Mingjue says finally.

G, 5k

Summary:

Wei Wuxian and Nie Mingjue get drunk and the Lan brothers go out of their mind.

@sincerelystranger

[wangxianficrecs]

Follower Recs

~*~

I'd like to make a rec or two for WIP week!

The first is this one, a SVSSS crossover where BingQui raised WWX, and it's a fix-it from the point after WWX breaks the Wens out of Qiongqi pass. The author said they only had a couple scenes left before it was complete, and despite it's unfinished state, it's still a pretty complete read!

回家/Huí jiā

by Exaigon

T, WIP, 68k, Wangxian & Bingqiu

Summary: Wei Wuxian makes his way back to the parents who raised him. Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe are inordinately pleased by this, and aren't willing to entertain the cultivation world's silly thoughts about their son being evil and needing to be killed.

~*~

Next is a Royalty AU with Royal Lans and Concubine WWX playing identity shenanigans on everyone but LWJ. Political intrigue! Mystery! Angst! Silly outsider POVs! The first two parts of the story are complete, but the third is not, but what is there is very good!

The Concubine Mo Chronicles

by Enigmatree

T, Series, WIP, 99k, Wangxian

Summary: An AU where the Lan Xichen is the Emperor; Lan Wangji is the Crown Prince; the Jin, Jiang, and Nie are Dukedoms; and even 13 years dead, Wei Wuxian is still the most feared man in all of China. Newly resurrected, Wei Wuxian would love nothing more than to cultivate a core and go become a rogue cultivator. Except, there's something very suspicious going on in the Imperial Palace, and while Wei Wuxian might not be able to help Lan Wangji in solving it, the unassuming and soft-spoken "Prince-Concubine Mo" sure can.

~*~

And finally, one of my new faves. An Addams Family AU! A locked fic though! Each individual chapter is it's own story that are all loosely connected, but it's still very funny!!

The Altogether Ooky WangXian Family

by FluffyHippogriff

T, WIP, 64k, Wangxian

Summary: This was a perfectly normal town, once upon a time. Perfectly normal people with perfectly normal hobbies and perfectly normal jobs leading perfectly normal lives. And then the perfectly abnormal family at 0001 Cemetery Lane enrolled their oldest child in school, unleashing countless "horrors" upon their fellow citizens. [Chapters are individual stories, with loose sitcom-esque overarching narrative]

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for these hard-working authors if you like – or think others might like – these stories.)

[stiltonbasket]

Twelve Moons and a Fortnight wrap-up Q & A!

(brief note that this post does contain spoilers, so don’t click past the cut unless you’ve finished reading!)

__

1. Hi Stilton! I love you and TMAAF! The way you write the letters really feels organic and like people writing letters to other people in a time where communication wasn't instantaneous and thats a pet peeve I have with some fics that treat letters like text. I don't know if you've been asked this but what's your inspiration for the letters? Did you just make them up as they are? Did you look at old letters and studied the tone? @iwillbetrash4eva

I made the letters up as they are, but it was essential for me to keep in mind that the characters are all highly educated, and that Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian, and Nie Huaisang in particular are very accomplished in the arts. Letters written by someone who composes music and poetry in their spare time aren’t going to be the same as emails and text messages written for the sake of raw information transfer, so I made sure to incorporate that into the letters; they’re written on pretty paper, usually in the sender’s best calligraphy, and it takes time to sit down and write them, so there’s an aspect of aesthetic reflection there that we rarely notice in modern communication.

I also felt that the characters would include snapshots of their lives and feelings while writing; this was more important with Wei Wuxian, since he throws himself so deeply into his daily life, but I also had to remember how important the past is to all of the characters and how enmeshed it is with their relevant current events. Ultimately, each letter serves as an extra look into the characters’ state of mind, which is something the narrative might not give us. 

2. What was your favorite scene in TMAAF, and which OC was the most fun to write? @keela1221

My favorite scene was Wei Wuxian’s departure from Lotus Pier in chapter 46, especially the part when everyone chased after him! I planned it several months in advance (sometime last summer, I think?) so finally getting to write it felt amazing.

Surprisingly, my favorite original characters to write (besides the main additions of Xiao-Yu, Yu Zhenhong, and Li Shuai) were the Jiang juniors. They love their Wei-zongzhu so much ;~;

3. What made you think of writing this fic? And would you consider a special epilogue because I don't think 50 chapters were nearly enough for me.❤ @avezevin

I think I just wanted to speculate about what cultivation politics might have been like after Jin Guangyao died, and TMAAF was born! And I most likely will be posting an epilogue, since I realized that the Zhenqing wedding works best as a coda instead of as a fic of its own.

4. what's your research process for tmaaf? the worldbuilding is so detailed!!

I read posts on tradition and culture and use them as sources if the chance ever comes along. A significant portion of the lore was entirely made up, but @light8828 helped me with some of the language, and offered so much guidance on cultivation worldbuilding <3

5. I really like the way you write the dynamic between Wei ying and lan zhan with their kids in all your stories. Xiao-Yu is a very lovable character and his relationship with his parents is something I go back to read many times. What do you use as inspiration when writing his, or any of his siblings, relationship with their parents?

Real life, I guess. Some of my older friends have recently had children, and they’re very good parents. :3

6. Where will you be going with the series? I need to prepare myself for heartbreak if the end is approaching, (its ok if you dont know tho! Idk is an optimistic answer, its just that you seem to have many things plotting away in that brain of yours)

Up next, I’m going to finish all the fics in the series that are still in progress, and then I’m going to write Lan Xichen’s fic, maybe a fic from Wen Qing’s point of view, a fic focusing on a reincarnated Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen, and a fic from Jin Yun’s POV focusing on his relationship with LXC and the latter’s death and ascension. This doesn’t count all the fluffy wangxian oneshots still bubbling on the back burner, so I expect this series to keep me busy well into 2022. *sweats*

7. TMAAF Q&A: when did you decide you were bringing wen qing back? what led you to making her return a result of the soul-summoning array, rather than having her have survived by some other method? @mischief7manager

I decided that Wen Qing would be returning sometime between chapters 12 and 15, since that was when I knew I wanted her to be the one to cure Wei Wuxian. And as much as I liked the idea of Wen Qing surviving, I didn’t want her to be imprisoned for the 16-year interim; it was important that she appear in TMAAF as she was before her death rather than having over a decade of character development off-screen. But she wasn’t a fierce corpse that could just be put to sleep for all that time, hence the soul-summoning.

8. For the Q&A: Stilton, how did you come up with such an adorable perfect little child like Xiao-Yu?? You write him so well it really does seem like it’s a child talking!! @whereisyourcahier​

He’s partly based on a real baby I know. :P It might sound impossible, but he’s even cuter than Xiao-Yu is.

9. Thank you for doing this Q&A! Was Xiao Yu always part of the story? (Ilhim so much!!)

He was! I always wanted Wangxian to experience parenthood together, so Xiao-Yu’s entry was planned long before he actually appeared in the fic.

10. how did you deal with any writers block that came up?

By reading comments!! I have all of you to thank for that <3<3!!!!!!

11. What was the process for plotting each arc of tmaaf? & when did you decide on what the storyline was going to be? Did you know when you started or did you incorporate stuff as you wrote?

I hashed out the whole plot at once sometime last May, and that was when I laid down the rough storyline. The overall plot was finalized by the time chapter 18 went up, though I did add further details as I went along. In particular, the mini-arc of Wei Wuxian investigating the Yangshuo plague was mostly written on the fly.

12. how long have you been planning the wen qing lang xiyan reveal? has it been something set in stone from the start?

I’ve been planning it since last April, though the exact circumstances weren’t clear until around August or September. Originally, Jiang Cheng was going to ask “Lang Xiyan” to marry him after her mourning period was over, only for her to reveal herself as Wen Qing before accepting, but I soon realized that this wouldn’t fit either of their characters. Wen Ning recognizing her was the only way the reveal made sense (both emotionally and logically) so I had to find a reason to bring him to Yunmeng at exactly the right time.

13. I just want to ask two little things (well three). Where we will be able to read the wedding of baby Zizhen and A-Qing? Will there be Chengqing? And with the last question, if it's yes, will you write a one shot, drabble or something like that?? 🥺🥺🥺

I’m going to post a 51st chapter to TMAAF with the Zhenqing wedding as an epilogue, and Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing are married by then! Wen Qing will most likely be getting a fic of her own, focusing on the time between her revival and her engagement to Jiang Cheng.

14. I just finished reading your fic and let me tell you it's one of the best I have ever had the pleasure to read :) For someone who wants to start writing, how did you start the story? Did you wrote everything with a little scheme or you just leave your brain to work in the document?

I wasn’t planning to write fic for MDZS/CQL at all, and then I randomly ended up outlining, drafting, and posting the first chapter of TMAAF within the span of around two hours. When starting a story, I think it works best for me to just let my brain work in the document without worrying too much about how it might turn out--outlines and schemes tend to come later, after I’ve gotten a feel for how the characters act and laid down some dead-basic worldbuilding.

If you’re just starting out, make sure you’re having fun and that everything you write is as self-indulgent as possible! Enjoying the process is the most important thing, worrying about all the specifics can come later. <3

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

Soldier, Poet, King

Part 13

[Beginning] [Previous]

[AO3] [Masterpost]

Time for Jin Guangyao's POV, and it's even longer than Nie Mingjue's so I'm very glad that y'all voted to split this current portion into three separate chapters lol.

Warning for Jin Guangyao having a Not Great Time (flashbacks, PTSD, etc.) related to his trauma from Jin Guangshan using him for Kaiju bait as well as a brief mention of the way he was abused by the Wen family when he worked for them in Tokyo.

--//--

Jin Guangyao wakes with a start, sitting upright and climbing out from between his partners in a tightly controlled rush without thinking about it, only realizing why a few seconds into stumbling into his trousers.

Nie Mingjue is even faster than him — he’d come back to their quarters late last night after a visit to research and so he’d just fallen asleep in his trousers and undershirt like he used to do more regularly, which means that he’s up and out the door into the pulsing red lights in the hallway while Jin Guangyao (and Lan Xichen behind him) are still hurrying to dress.

“JIN ONE, LET’S GO!” he barks in the direction of the room Jin Guangyao’s brother and cousin share. Jin Guangyao shares a glance with Lan Xichen before they hurry to join their partner out in the hallway, the doors along the corridor clanging open under the wailing sirens in an uneven cacophony as the pilots and the technicians further down the hall finish their own preparations nearly in tandem.

The technicians all run past them, a flurry of hurried jostling and the pounding of boots up the corridor, but the pilots cluster there in the hall, all bright-eyed, if a little confused. Jin Guangyao doesn’t blame them — the countdown clocks scattered throughout the ‘dome report they still have weeks to go before their next attack. But just because Mo Xuanyu’s predictions are frighteningly accurate doesn’t mean they’re incontrovertible fact, and they all know the unpredictability of their opponents too well to be truly shocked.

Jin Zixuan is the first into the hallway, already suited up in his stupid gold and mother-of-pearl getup, but it’s Jiang Yanli at his side, not Jin Zixun. Jin Guangyao feels a faint tickle of something a bit too nebulous to name ‘dread’, though it’s close.

The sirens, their purpose served, shut off abruptly between one wail and the next.

“Where is he?” Nie Mingjue snaps at his normal (still loud) volume.

“I haven’t seen him in over 24 hours, Chifeng-zun, I don’t know,” Jin Zixuan reports steadily enough despite how pale he looks in the lights that are still dropped down to flashing red. Jin Guangyao makes some quick calculations and grips Nie Mingjue’s forearm so tightly his knuckles ache.

“No one else can go,” he says and he’s relieved his voice stays steady as well. “Lotus Spider and Jade Dragon are both stripped down for weapons upgrades, Golden Thunder and Immortal Mountain are docked for maintenance repairs. It has to be Sparks.”

There’s only one way that Sparks Amidst Snow can make the drop, and before his partner has even opened his mouth to give the order Jiang Yanli is turning to dart down the hallway quick as a minnow to the room she shares with Wen Qing.

“Wait! You can’t send jie out like this! Hey–!”

Jin Guangyao ignores Jiang Wanyin — as does Nie Mingjue, who simply turns to begin striding down the hallway. Jin Guangyao falls in at his partner’s left, Lan Xichen at Nie Mingjue’s right, and the remaining pilots, save Jin Zixuan, hurry to fall in behind them, their little group eerily silent as they hurry through the boiling shatterdome up to the comms tower.

“A-Su, go find Xuanyu,” Nie Mingjue orders when they reach the branching hub that leads down to the basements. “Bring him up to comms, I want him in the tower for all drops from now on. Wuxian, Wangji – go give the orders to evacuate the harbor neighborhoods and supervise it. I want everyone who can to take shelter in the nearest bunkers they can access.”

Qin Su, Wei Wuxian, and Lan Wangji peel off to their assigned tasks without missing a beat. Jin Guangyao has to jog to keep up with Nie Mingjue’s loping stride.

They’re nearly there when the lights drop blue, the siren resumes its wailing, and then they’re all breaking into a dead run, instinct guiding them to react to the emergency warning despite the fact that there’s nothing they can do except wait for Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli to drop.

“Chifeng-zun!” Jiang Wanyin shouts over the whooping alarm. “Jiejie isn’t a combat pilot!! You can’t send her out without backup!”

Jin Guangyao skids to a stop just in time to slam his hand down on the button for the lift up to communications as his partner rounds on Jiang Wanyin with an ugly snarl twisting his face.

“Then you make yourself useful and attempt to find Jin Zixun and another goddamn Jaeger within the next five minutes, but I have an invasion to get under control!”

“Nie Mingjue!!” Jiang Wanyin practically screams, spittle flying, and Jin Guangyao has to admire his balls of steel at least — just because Nie Mingjue is functional that doesn’t mean he’s necessarily well, especially not when there’s no doubt that he knows what they all do; the crux of the matter on both sides is that this will be a suicide mission, and they have to run it anyway. Jin Guangyao knows that it’s not a decision Nie Mingjue is making lightly, but it’s the reality they have to live with. It’s one of the nightmares that keeps his partner up at night, tormenting himself with what-ifs and should-haves, but he’s a good commander. He’ll do whatever it takes.

Even a suicide run.

Before it can become a murder as well, though, Lan Xichen steps between Nie Mingjue and Jiang Wanyin to bodily force Jiang Wanyin to stand down while Jin Guangyao ushers Nie Mingjue into the lift. 

“She’ll be alright,” Luo Qingyang attempts to comfort as they all clamber into the lift after them. “She’s stronger than she looks-“

“I know that!” Jiang Wanyin snaps. Jin Guangyao stays silent and steady at Nie Mingjue’s side, fingertips gently pressed to the inside of his wrist at his side to monitor his partner’s pulse and make sure he isn’t about to pass out from the unexpected stress. “I’m her co-pilot! Me! No one knows what she’s capable of better than I do, and this will kill her!!”

“Jiang Yanli is a world-class pilot,” Jin Guangyao says, his well-trained voice devoid of every emotion roiling through him. “She is aware, as we all are, that every day could bring death, and she chooses to remain a pilot. It’s a sacrifice we are all willing to make.”

“What do you know?” Jiang Wanyin turns to sneer at him, his eyes so wide the whites are visible all the way around. Jin Guangyao can’t really fault him, no matter how irritating this outburst is. “You’ve never even stepped foot out of a ‘dome during a battle, you have no idea what it’s like to face these things head-on —“

Jin Guangyao is too slow to stop Nie Mingjue punching Jiang Wanyin square in the nose so quickly his hand is a blur. Jiang Wanyin crumples to the floor like a sack of rice with a heavy thunk. It speaks volumes about their emotional states that neither Lan Xichen nor Luo Qingyang pass comment, instead merely lifting Jiang Wanyin’s unconscious form between them to carry him into the comms tower when the doors to the lift open again.

“Sparks?” Nie Mingjue barks at Nie Zonghui, mercifully already in his seat and frantically getting the Drift systems up and running. Jin Guangyao flings himself into his own seat to begin his half of the work monitoring the incoming Kaiju, reading miles of data as it pings in from their sensors out in the ocean to give him any information at all that will help them win.

“They just arrived, strapping in now,” Nie Zonghui reports, terse and businesslike.

“Kaiju?”

“It’s stealthy,” Jin Guangyao bites out, still scanning every piece of data that’s coming in with ever-increasing urgency. “I can’t get a read on it, but it’s fast. Not as fast as the last one maybe, but very close to it.”

Nie Mingjue just grunts his acknowledgement and turns to lean over Nie Zonghui so he can press the switch to talk to the pilots, announcing their Drift initiation and giving them their orders once the connection establishes and stabilizes. The orders are quite simple, nothing more than, “Keep it from landing, kill it as quickly as you can,” but Jin Guangyao knows that that’s much easier said than done.

Sparks Amidst Snow drops and they make a beeline straight for the open bay doors, disappearing into the night with the thundering boom of tens of thousands of gallons of displaced water, audible even all the way up in the tower. Inside the communications room, there’s grim silence once again as they watch the glowing dot that marks the Jaeger cross the radar at a quick clip that Jin Guangyao isn’t entirely sure will be quick enough. Not through any fault of Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli’s — they’re in a top of the line Jaeger that’s been further enhanced to be one of the absolute best in the world — but simply because it would seem the Kaiju have learned, yet again, how to best them.

“Cat 5,” Jin Guangyao yelps the moment his scanning attention catches on all the right data points. “Ge—“

“Nothing changes,” Nie Mingjue tells him through a deadly sort of calm, so different from his urgency on the way here. “They’ll get there, or they won’t. They’ll kill it, or they won’t. Our hands are tied.”

That’s remarkably bleak for Nie Mingjue but Jin Guangyao doesn’t have the time to glance at the others in the room to see how they’re taking it. The Kaiju is closing in fast, skimming along the shoreline like it knows it needs to come to the port to do the most damage — which he doesn’t doubt that it does. Thanks to Xue Yang’s experiments, Jin Guangyao has no doubt that the Kaijus they face from now on will be remarkably clever about their attacks in addition to being brutally strong. It’s nigh impossible to tuck that thought away where it can’t hurt anything rather than letting it convince him that they’re fighting a war they’ve already lost, but with a mental wrench he manages it.

Even if it’s a losing battle, a losing war, they still have no choice but to fight it.

“20 miles out, northward, speeding quickly along the shoreline,” Jin Guangyao reports directly to Sparks, clipped and businesslike. The camera feed ‘copters catch up with them just as they swing more directly north, adjusting to the collision coordinates Jin Guangyao is typing as quickly as he can into their navigation system to ping it up on their Jaeger’s map display. “My guess is the goal is to make landfall and cause as much destruction as possible here in Shanghai or else it would have already landed along the way.”

“They’re strategizing,” Jiang Yanli notes, her voice as calm and soft as ever. “Strategies can always be countered.”

“We still don’t know how they think after all this time,” Nie Mingjue leans in to say. “They won’t strategize the way we would.”

“They will likely employ the information that Xue Yang has given them,” she replies, blithe as ever. “And there are only so many ways to reach their goal anyway. Don’t worry, Chifeng-zun, it’ll be alright.”

“Jiang Yanli is a masterful strategist,” Lan Xichen murmurs. “We’ve sent out the best team capable of stopping it, Mingjue.”

Jin Guangyao keeps his certainty that it will still not be enough very firmly behind his teeth.

“Closing in,” he informs Sparks instead. “It’s evading the sensors so I can’t get a good read on its physiology, but you are facing the first ever Category 5 Kaiju. Be careful.”

“I’m here! Why is Jiang-xiong passed out on the floor?”

“Come here, A-Yu,” Jin Guangyao calls his brother away from investigating Jiang Wanyin’s prone form, bloody nose, and blackening eyes. “Category 5.” Those two words are enough to snap Mo Xuanyu out of his lighthearted curiosity and beckon him straight over to the bank of monitors, his expression tight. He sneaks a hand over the back of Jin Guangyao’s chair to clutch at the shoulder of his jumpsuit in a vice grip.

“Is that Zixuan-ge?” he whispers when he spots the flashes of gold in the spotlight beam from the helicopter.

“And Jiang Yanli. Yes.”

The lights in the ‘dome flicker up to their usual sallow yellow abruptly, the emergency alarm switching off now that it’s done its duty. A hush of bated breath and the fear of fish trapped in a barrel suffuses the room as they all turn to watch the video feed when the glowing radar dot that is Sparks Amidst Snow is fully overlapped with the collision coordinates Jin Guangyao had given them.

The battle begins where they can’t see it. A heave of black water and the sun-bright flash of a nuclear charge are their first indication that contact has been made. Mo Xuanyu’s hand tightens further in the thick canvas of JIn Guangyao’s uniform.

When the Kaiju stands up out of the water, Jin Guangyao wonders if souls are real, as he’s pretty sure his has just left his body. The Kaiju towers over Sparks Amidst Snow, the bottom of its long-pincered face easily clearing the peak of the Jaeger’s helmet with an entire torso-length to spare. It’s broad as a building, a wall of black and blue and phosphorescent green in the dancing, jittering beam of the helicopter spotlight. Jin Guangyao counts at least four appendages that could be very loosely qualified as arms before the lamp stops its wandering to focus on one of the Kaiju’s iridescent violet eyes the size of a house, irritating it into screeching so loudly the camera shakes. Jin Guangyao is relieved they can’t actually hear it.

“Qingyang,” Nie Mingjue rasps.

“Sir?”

“Evacuate the ‘dome. I want everyone who doesn’t have to help with this battle down in the basement bunkers. Now.”

Jin Guangyao knows that Luo Qingyang most likely wants to be there in the tower with them where she can at least see what’s happening to her childhood best friend, but she leaves without a word of complaint. She takes Qin Su with her, it sounds like, and the remaining handful of them in the tower drop into a loaded silence again as the fight continues.

It takes roughly three rounds of earth-shaking blows traded back and forth before Jiang Yanli’s voice returns. “It’s pulling its attacks, Chifeng-zun. A Kaiju this size should not be this weak with its offense, I think it’s trying to keep us busy.”

“Tokyo’s reporting the attack,” Nie Zonghui suddenly pipes up at his right. Jin Guangyao tears his eyes away from the battle on the monitor to look at Nie Zonghui’s screen instead, where he’s got news coverage from Tokyo pulled up and muted, subtitles flying as the reporter speaks. “It hit there like Xuanyu predicted the next one would, but it broke off to head for us with no warning.” The playback switches from a reporter down in the evacuated streets to the footage of the fight itself, and sure enough there’s the Kaiju they’re currently dealing with towering even further over Wen Xu and Wen Chao’s mach 4 Eternal Sun than it is over Sparks Amidst Snow.

For the first time since his realization downstairs, Jin Guangyao starts to hope that this won’t be a suicide mission after all. If the Kaiju was already locked into a fight with Eternal Sun and gave them the slip, there’s no way two pilots as egotistical and proud as the Wen brothers will allow it to actually escape them. Their seabed sensors only go out so far, but now that they obviously know exactly where the Kaiju is he returns to monitoring the output from the fringes of their territory practically obsessively, hunting for the signs that will mean there’s something the size of another Jaeger entering their waters.

Backup from the Wen is in every way an absolute last resort, but they don’t exactly have the luxury of being picky at the moment, and there’s no way the Manila ‘dome will be able to get one of their pilots up here in time to help. It’s Tokyo, or it’s nobody.

From the corner, weak and fuzzy, Jiang Wanyin mumbles, “Jiejie?”

Jin Guangyao has no attention to spare for the continuation of Jiang Wanyin’s breakdown, but considering his own brother is out there too he can’t exactly fault the man for being so distraught. He’s trying very hard not to think about it.

“Jiang Wanyin, if you can keep control of yourself you may stay,” Nie Mingjue tells him with no room for argument. “If you’re going to continue questioning my leadership and disrespecting my partner then I will have you forcibly removed and shoved into a bunker with the rest of the ‘dome.”

Sparks Amidst Snow collapses like the world’s largest sack of potatoes into the water and the Kaiju pounces on it, battering it down beneath the waves for a heartstopping moment where all they can see is churning black water capped with foam, erratically lit by the helicopter spot.

“I’ll stay,” Jiang Wanyin whispers, agonized. “I…I have to know.”

The Kaiju erupts from beneath the waves again in a spray of water and bright blood as high as a skyscraper, a gaping hole punched straight through its hide the source of the acid-blue gore. Sparks Amidst Snow emerges a moment later, nuclear core in its chest still glowing from its latest discharge as Jin Zixuan engages the blasters attached to both forearms and sends another round of charges straight at the Kaiju’s face. It’s brutal and inelegant, but effective nonetheless as the Kaiju rears back and collapses down into the water with another shriek that they can’t hear but that must rattle the world for miles.

“A-Li is right, it’s pulling blows,” Jin Zixuan pants into the comms, sounding exhausted already. Mo Xuanyu’s free hand finds Jin Guangyao’s other shoulder as they both lean in, and Zonghui, thoughtful as ever, gets rid of the news from Tokyo to instead pull up the camera feed from inside the Jaeger for the two of them to see. Jiang Wanyin crowds in close as well, even though all that there is to see of their siblings is the light reflecting off the faceguards of their helmets and the obscuring bulk of their Jaeger armor, softly gleaming gold and violet nearly identical in the low light of the cockpit.

“Is A-Yu there?” Jin Zixuan asks next as he begins to go through the motions of charging up his next blaster round in the guns mounted on Sparks’ greaves, Jiang Yanli mirroring him automatically through their Drift. Jin Guangyao doesn’t quite understand how having a non-combat pilot works in a twosome with a combat pilot, but if it works for them then he doesn’t really need to know, at least not mid-battle.

“I’m here, Zixuan-ge!”

“Any idea what it might be waiting for? Reinforcements? Anything??”

“Reinforcements aren’t a thing, ge — the Breach closes behind each Kaiju that comes through, and it’s never opened back up quickly enough to allow a second one out so soon after the first.”

“Well it’s doing something! It feels like it’s..toying with us—“

“A-Xuan!!”

“FUCK!!!”

Jin Guangyao jumps at the sudden tension snapping through both of their voices and scrambles to figure out what it is that startled them so badly, but there’s nothing strange on the sensors, no sign of the Wens yet —

“Zonghui!” Nie Mingjue snaps, “Alert all areas of the city to evacuate into the bunkers immediately. It’s coming.”

Jin Guangyao’s entire body goes cold, understanding dawning. It was waiting for them to drop their guard. To pause. To get tired, as all humans do.

And then, against the aggressive patterns of all Kaiju before it, it left.

Sparks Amidst Snow races at top speed in the wake of the Kaiju. Jin Guangyao keeps anxiously watching the signals for any sign of the Wens giving chase even as his fingers fly over his keyboard, tapping out a furious request for help to be broadcast to every single shatterdome this side of the Pacific. It doesn’t matter anymore if they get here in time or not — if the Kaiju levels Shanghai it won’t stop there, and the others should at least be on alert if nothing else. Someone will have to stop it, even if they can’t.

He barely registers the sound of Zonghui giving the order into the military emergency channel to get the entire city to hunker down.

This deep in the ‘dome the warning sirens out in the city are a quiet, high-pitched whine, soft as a fly buzzing in the corner. He can imagine the panic on the streets, the mad rush to get to safety. The bunkers will hold everyone in Shanghai and then some, they were designed well, but that only works if everyone is where they’re expected to be.

And people so rarely are.

It’s the middle of the night. The pleasure districts will be stuffed full. The business districts, bare. The residential districts will be slow to respond as the inhabitants are roused from sleep and frightened into action.

There will be neighborhoods with half-empty shelters. There will be bunkers so full they physically cannot cram another body into them. There will be children separated from their parents, and partners terrified that they’ll never see each other again as they’re swept away from each other on the street, the panicking crowd dragging them in their current like leaves caught in a diverging stream.

Jin Guangyao cannot panic, he has no time or space to panic, but it grabs him by the throat anyway. It stills his fingers on the keys. His vision dims.

He could be on the street.

He could be laying in the rubble of a battlefield, unable to get up on his own, left to die while the fight rages on around him.

He could die.

The people he loves could die.

Nie Mingjue’s voice echoes from the bottom of a well when he calls a terse, “Xichen.”

Jin Guangyao’s final, faint tether to his surroundings disappears with his brother’s hands leaving his shoulders. His next exhale scrapes his throat raw.

There’s a flash of gold in front of his eyes and he’s staring up at Golden Thunder, her pilots unaware that he’s there, vulnerable, hurt, crying out for sympathy, for rescue, as he’s left behind to die.

“Shhhh A-Yao, it’s me. We’re here.”

“What’s going on with him?!”

Lan Xichen’s voice, soft but urgent, immediately followed by Jiang Wanyin’s sharp bark (that’s absolutely worse than his bite) is enough to drag him clawing back towards reality. The chalky scent of crumbled concrete and the acrid tang of ocean brine and Kaiju blood is replaced with the stale nothingness of the ‘dome’s filtered air on his next rattling inhale. His hands aren’t scrabbling on shredded metal and broken glass, they’re clutched tightly in Lan Xichen’s strong grip and his partner is rubbing slow, firm circles into the undersides of his wrists right over his hammering pulse.

“Father used Yao-ge as Kaiju bait once,” Mo Xuanyu mumbles. Jin Guangyao can’t even find it in himself to care that his most hated secret is out. Lan Xichen is scared, he can see it in his eyes, and it drags Jin Guangyao another precious inch closer to him, away from the edge of crumbling back into the past he can never fully escape. “He snapped his ankle and left Yao-ge right in the path of a Cat 3, as an experiment.”

Jin Guangyao hears Jiang Wanyin say…well, something, anyway. His ears are ringing too much to catch whatever it is he breathes, and quite frankly he doesn’t really care what Jiang Wanyin thinks of him in the end. He can see Lan Xichen’s lips moving as well but he can’t hear him either, much though he wishes he could. His chest is too tight. It feels like every muscle in his body is clenched, attempting to curl in on himself but unable to do so.

The ringing in his ears grows louder and Lan Xichen must see something in his face because a blink of an eye later he’s shifted a bit to the side and Jin Guangyao is getting sick into the wastebin his partner is holding for him.

“Yu-didi, I don’t believe your recounting it is helping A-Yao stop reliving it.”

“Fuck, right, sorry. Sorry Yao-ge!”

“Pull it together, A-Yao,” Nie Mingjue says, quiet and rough and right in his ear, his familiar, heavy grip tight around the straining back of his neck. “I need you.”

Jin Guangyao squeezes his eyes shut and forces his breathing to even out — easier to do once Lan Xichen takes the bin away again and replaces it with himself, letting Jin Guangyao rest his head on his shoulder and breathe as he tries to do what Nie Mingjue needs. If he can’t do it for himself, or even for Lan Xichen, he can do it for Nie Mingjue.

“We have landfall,” Zonghui says. Jin Guangyao doesn’t even have time to shiver before Nie Mingjue is hauling him up from his chair, shoving the chair aside, and yanking Jin Guangyao to his chest to wrap his arms around him so tightly he can hardly breathe.

It tucks all the raw, bleeding parts of him back into the shape of his skin and he gasps as much as he can, hands clawing at his partner’s arms to ground himself as he’s finally wrenched fully back to the present. Sirens are blaring again, the distinctive, irregular, bass whooping that means the Kaiju has reached the shore. He opens his eyes to force them onto the helicopter’s feed again in time to see Sparks Amidst Snow come barrelling out of the water to collide with their foe at top speed, destroying a skyscraper and the cluster of lower buildings around it in one fell swoop.

“The harbor is empty,” Lan Xichen says like a mantra, calm even as he has to raise his voice over the sirens. “Wangji and Wuxian evacuated there first, right when Sparks deployed. They had time. Buildings can be replaced, and we’ll recover from this.”

Jin Guangyao’s heart pounds in his throat and he can’t let go of Nie Mingjue’s arms for fear of losing his way again in this moment when it’s vital, crucial, that he doesn’t. But he can watch his monitor from here; he can stare at lines of data, his familiar, bloodless job that can help him make sense of such a messy universe, and he can do everything in his power to ignore what’s happening in the city to keep watch for what will (hopefully) be the turning point of this battle.

For long minutes, there’s nothing but silence from every person in the room as the whooping siren makes itself background noise, as the lights drop to deep blue to make the ‘dome less of a visible target from the outside, as Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli stop talking even to each other in order to focus entirely on the fight at hand. Jin Guangyao watches his monitor and breathes in time with the pings from each seabed sensor, their dispersing signals guides for each inhale.

Exhale.

He breathes.

The fight rages on.

Until —

:Incoming long-range message:

The cool, feminine AI cuts through the tension and the sirens that shut off in the comms tower alone to allow the message to be heard.

:Tokyo Wen Jaeger Eternal Sun requests flight clearance: the AI recites, the message punctuated by the signal from the sensors that Jin Guangyao has been looking for. There, from the northwesternmost point of their territory — a Jaeger entering Shanghai’s waters at top speed.

Nie Zonghui turns to their own long-range radio and leans in to say, crisp and clear as a mountain river, “Granted.”

The door to the comms tower clangs open and Jin Guangyao jerks in Nie Mingjue’s arms that tighten around him with his own tension.

“ ‘Dome’s empty, all in the bunkers,” Luo Qingyang reports as she and Qin Su step forward to crowd with the rest of them around the monitors. Nie Zonghui switches the camera feed to the interior of Sparks again and only then do the pair let out twin shaky sighs of relief.

“The Wen brothers are incoming, they’ll be here in minutes,” Lan Xichen informs them, calm despite it all. “And Sparks has so far managed to keep the Kaiju within the business district near the harbor — it’s most likely to be empty.”

“It’s the best we can hope for,” Qin Su replies. “They’re doing well.”

“Xuan-ge’s getting tired,” Luo Qingyang whispers. Jin Guangyao doesn’t allow himself to look at the monitor showing Sparks’ internal cam.

“Don’t worry about Zixuan.”

A beat of silence follows Jiang Wanyin’s terse statement.

Naturally, it’s Nie Mingjue who breaks it. “Explain.”

“It’s because of jie. She can’t be putting much of her energy into this fight yet, just enough to support him so that he doesn’t tear himself to shreds. They’re unevenly matched, that’s why he’s tiring out. That’ll change soon.”

“Your Drift!” Mo Xuanyu suddenly pipes up. Jin Guangyao had nearly forgotten he was here, but no, he’s there holding hands with Qin Su (their knuckles are white they’re clutching each other so hard; Jin Guangyao is privately, guiltily relieved that he doesn’t need to soothe his siblings and can instead continue to be comforted himself.)

“Sorry — your drift with your siblings I mean. I was studying it. The reason there has to be all three of you –”

“It has to balance,” Jiang Wanyin cuts in, sharp as a knife. “We’re all too strong for each other in different ways, but if all three of us are there it’s like…it’s like a game of rock paper scissors. We hold each other in check. Jie’s not fit for combat because she can’t commit the standard amount of energy from the start, she has to build up to it. It’s too much for most individual pilots to frontload and they burn out before she can support them, but if there are two pilots to share the load first before she’s needed, or if a single pilot is abnormally good at carrying all the weight of his Drifts because he’s been doing it this whole time without even realizing it…”

Jin Guangyao blinks at that and wonders abruptly if he’s been missing something..horribly wrong with the way his brother and his cousin Drift. He hadn’t ever thought to look into it too deeply (and it’s not like Jin Zixun would welcome his prying into their stats anyway), but if that’s the case, if Jin Zixuan is used to bearing the brunt of all of their fights and he hasn’t even breathed a word of complaint..

“So what’s going to happen when he wears out? Why don’t we have to worry about it?” Nie Mingjue bites, getting to the heart of the matter as they watch another skyscraper crash into uncountable billions of shards of glass, twisted steel raining down to the street as Sparks yanks a massive I-beam support free from the scaffolding to swing at the Kaiju like a baseball bat to the head.

“Jie can’t start out a drop like a standard pilot, but once she’s ready she’s like…she’s like a supernova. She’ll burn straight through him, but before they burn out they’ll be the strongest pilots in the world.”

She’s a furnace, Jin Guangyao thinks a little giddily, stress somehow managing to dredge up some ridiculous notion he once picked up from the trashy Wuxia romance novels he used to steal from Meng Shi when she was busy working. He wisely keeps the thought to himself as they all collectively process what they’re likely about to witness — it still changes nothing. This was a suicide mission from the moment it began, why should it matter that it still is, only instead of dying in the clumsy, mundane way of exhaustion and overwhelm they’ll instead go out in a blaze of glory? The result is miserable either way.

Jin Guangyao startles again at a sudden crackle of static, loud enough that he’d be tempted to clap his hands over his ears were he not still locked up in Nie Mingjue’s arms.

:Shanghai?:

“Nie Zonghui, Shanghai Shatterdome. Eternal Sun?”

:Yeah it’s us. Where is it? What’s happening?:

Jin Guangyao breathes slowly, silently in through his nose and out through his mouth. It’s Wen Xu on the comms, which means they can at least hope for a relatively civil conversation, but that voice still haunts his dreams. He’s heard that voice deliver impossible cruelty with barely a shift in inflection, bland and blithe as if talking about the weather. He’s done horrible things that Wen Xu ordered him to do, speaking on behalf of his father. He’s writhed in agony when Wen Xu ordered him to be tortured for failing to deliver on an impossible promise on at least six separate occasions before Jin Guangyao grew too high in Wen Ruohan’s favor to be so debased.

They need the Wen brothers for this, he knows that, and it’s a miracle that they’ve come in time to be of use. But he’d very much like to curl into a ball and never emerge again so long as they’re within speaking distance of Shanghai.

“Landfall in the harbor, Sparks Amidst Snow is currently keeping it contained to the business district but I don’t know how much longer it’ll stay put,” Nie Zonghui reports, blind to everything but his need to carry them all through this hellish night. At least someone here isn’t moments away from shattering into a thousand pieces. “Just fly straight in, you can’t really miss it.”

:It’s fucking huge, yeah: Wen Xu snorts. :Don’t worry, we’ll mop it up for you:

“Generous of them,” Nie Mingjue mutters mutinously in his ear, shocking Jin Guangyao into finally letting out that hysterical little giggle trapped in his chest. He buries his face in his hands and shakes apart, half-laughing half-sobbing in a way that he wishes could be cathartic.

“A-Yao,” Lan Xichen murmurs with a hand stroking through his hair. “It’s alright, shh.”

Jin Guangyao waves him off and squirms out of Nie Mingjue’s arms to return to his seat, manic giggles still escaping him in bursts as he finally clicks away from the long-range sensor software to instead see if there’s anything they can get from the short-range on the Kaiju’s biometrics now that they’re not also trying to track its position.

“Uh oh,” Mo Xuanyu whispers. “Yao-ge’s losing it.”

Jin Guangyao giggles again when Qin Su reaches up to smack the back of Mo Xuanyu’s head.

A tentative hope is creeping like sunlight through their pocket of artificial gloom. Sparks will be getting a second wind any minute now, if Jiang Wanyin is to be believed. The Wens will be arriving even quicker at the rate they’re running. The Kaiju, having made landfall, seems content to follow all previous patterns now and go for a pummeling offensive, barely a defensive maneuver or escape tactic to be seen. 

They can do this. They can fight like this.

Jin Guangyao doesn’t buy it for a fucking second, but the palpable relief in the room is nice while it lasts.

“Yao-didi?” Jin Zixuan pants into their comms, sounding absolutely ragged. It sobers Jin Guangyao up quickly, his horribly giggling dying down in the sudden swoop of realizing that this may still be the last chance he ever gets to talk to the brother he’s had a…complicated relationship with for so long, but that he still loves for what he is. What they can be.

“I’m here, Xuan-ge.”

“Did they get the pleasure district evacuated? Can you see?”

Jin Guangyao hurries to check the sensors — a delicate task when the kaiju’s signature is everywhere, overwhelming the delicate machinery and filling it with floods of data that muddle the signatures of anything smaller than a five story building.

Thankfully, the bunkers are big enough to register as their own independent signature when they’re full, and as Jin Guangyao seeks them out he finds each one full to capacity, burning bright with the lives of so many of Shanghai’s citizens.

“The bunkers in the pleasure district are full,” he says, because that’s the truth. He doesn’t know if the streets are fully evacuated, but he knows that the bunkers are full. He breathes through another brief flash of stragglers barred entry from safety scrambling for any cover they can find — he doesn’t know if that’s true, and if he torments himself with imagining it then he can’t perform his role here, which does more harm than good.

“Good,” Jin Zixuan groans — and Sparks drops to its knees like a puppet with its strings cut. “I just…I need a minute, I’m sorry-”

Jin Guangyao’s heart is in his throat and Lan Xichen has to bodily pull the others away from the monitors as they try to crowd closer with ragged cries of dismay and fear, boxing Nie Zonghui in too tightly.

“It’s alright,” Lan Xichen soothes them all equally, hands patting shoulders in between restraining them. “He’s alive, he’s okay, it’s just what Wanyin said would happen. They’re still in the Drift, he’s only tired.”

Jin Guangyao watches helplessly as the Kaiju bellows a fresh cry and rushes past the sudden drop in defenses to head deeper into the city.

There’s no way he can realistically feel the impact of its passage here within the ‘dome and 20-odd stories up in the air as they are, but the mind is a funny thing. The floor seems to shudder under his boots in time with the Kaiju’s loping stride through the city, and the vertigo he always gets when he’s down in the streets creeps in, making his head spin as he tries to keep getting a read on the Kaiju. Is it nearly dead? Is it only getting started? He doesn’t know, but if he can find out maybe he can help. Maybe he won’t feel so horrifically useless.

“Oh god.” It’s Luo Qingyang this time, her voice so flat the exclamation barely counts as one. “It’s them.”

It’s who?! Jin Guangyao wants to demand, but considering the Wen brothers still haven’t arrived (any second now, he repeats like a mantra) there are only a handful of people who could elicit that reaction.

“I haven’t seen him in over 24 hours, Chifeng-zun,” Jin Zixuan had said.

“Make it hurt,” he had told Xue Yang. “Make sure he knows who’s behind you telling you to pull the trigger.”

Jin Guangyao tears his gaze away from his data to look at the camera feed only to find it’s been hijacked — it takes a long moment for the offset, grainy CCTV feed to make sense to his scattered mind, but when it does he feels his blood run cold.

There, in the wind and the rain ripping through Shanghai, stands Xiao Xingchen in glowing white. Song Lan in deep black, little more than a pale moon face in the gloom. Between them, sagging with exhaustion and with blood clearly running from both nostrils, is Xue Yang grinning wickedly straight up at the camera, wild-eyed and sharp around the edges despite the fact that he’s only standing thanks to the support of his companions gripping his arms.

Behind them, in the rubble of the street, two barely-identifiable figures attempt to crawl for cover.

Jin Guangyao can tell even through the horrible camera quality that their legs are not at all at the right angles to allow them to get very far.

Xue Yang blows a kiss at the camera before he allows the others to haul him away, but rather than escaping for cover between the buildings they hurry straight down the wide, empty street, the wind whipping their hair and traditional-looking robes in a flurry of movement that has Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan turning to look over their shoulders in tandem, cybernetic eyes glowing pinpoints of light in their faces as they crane their necks up - up - up.

“It’s following Xue Yang,” Jin Guangyao whispers with horrified understanding. “It’s his..his Kaiju Drift. He’s connected to them permanently. They’re tracking him.”

“He’s guiding it inland,” Jiang Wanyin says.

“No,” Mo Xuanyu corrects, softly horrified. “He’s using it as a weapon.”

Jin Guangyao rises to his feet without conscious thought, and Lan Xichen doesn’t attempt to stop him as he approaches the monitor until he’s close enough to see each individual grainy pixel in the footage. Xiao Xingchen, Song Lan, and Xue Yang have disappeared out of the frame, but all that means is that there, perfectly captured in the center of it, lie Jin Guangshan and Jin Zixun, twin crumpled heaps in the street outside the brightly-lit facade of the brothel they frequent the most.

Directly in the path of the Kaiju currently barreling through Shanghai unchecked.

His nose is nearly touching the screen when the Kaiju swings into frame and crushes both of them underfoot as casually as he might step on a crumb.

Qin Su screams, hastily muffled in her hand. Mo Xuanyu chokes on a gasp. Jiang Wanyin shouts an inarticulate swear, Luo Qingyang adds her own mess to his in the bin, Lan Xichen grabs him by both shoulders and squeezes hard enough to bruise.

Nie Mingjue plants both his fists on the desk to close his eyes and breathe.

Jin Guangyao processes all of this through the numbing cushion of shock protecting him from losing his mind entirely.

The screen cuts black for a second before their helicopter feed is allowed through the transmission again, as if it wasn’t already clear enough that they’d been meant to see every second of that. Jin Guangyao steps back from the monitor to sit at his desk again and mechanically return to his task.

The fight is still on. The Kaiju is still out there, running rampant and following Xue Yang wherever the others have taken him. If they’ve escaped then it’s likely the Kaiju will as well, and no matter what else has happened there are still civilians to protect.

Jin Guangyao’s hands shake as he types fresh coordinates into the mapping system for Sparks and conveys the same to the short-range radio to deliver to Eternal Sun.

“What happened?!” Jin Zixuan begs through the comms. “Is everyone alright?”

No one seems to have the strength to answer him.

The rest of the battle and its aftermath goes like this:

Eternal Sun sweeps in and drags the Kaiju back towards the harbor kicking and shrieking to pay for its crimes.

Jin Zixuan pushes through his exhaustion to return to the fight when it’s dropped right at his feet.

Jiang Yanli, acting as a reserve of near-boundless energy needed for the final push, screams herself hoarse as she and Jin Zixuan push themselves beyond the limits of what any pilot should ever experience in their Jaeger to deliver the killing blow.

They will never be able to drop again, but will forever be the first pilots to successfully kill a Category 5 Kaiju.

The moment Jin Guangyao confirms the death of the Kaiju, Nie Zonghui yanks them out of their Drift and sends their Jaeger into emergency shutdown to be retrieved later.

Eternal Sun will claim the spoils of the kill, but agree to allow Sparks the glory.

Jin Guangshan and his nephew are dead in the street, and their bodies aren’t able to be cleared away before the news broadcasters catch wind of it and begin plastering the news on every screen in Shanghai.

Jin Guangyao, the moment his duties are done and everyone else’s survival is assured, faints and doesn’t wake for two full days.

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: this body yet survives, ch. 12

Relationship: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Characters: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén, Lán Qǐrén, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín, Jiāng Yànlí, Su She | Su Minshan, Madam Jin, Jin Zixuan, Wen Qing, Jiāng Fēngmián, Niè Huáisāng

Tags: No War AU, Recovery, Trauma, Dissociation, Courtship, Courting Rituals, Near Death Experiences, Attempted Murder, Eventual Happy Ending, Panic Attacks, Vomiting, Siblings, Protective Siblings, Soup, Triggers, Protective Lan WangJi, Protective Lán Qǐrén, Yúnmèng Siblings Dynamics, Bad Parent Yú Zǐyuān, POV Third Person, POV Lan WangJi, reference to poisoning, reference to assassination, Reference to chronic illness, reference to infanticide, Depression

Summary: As winter approaches, a day goes awry.

Notes: See end.

Parts 1 & 2

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

AO3 link

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The Nies only stayed one more night before returning to Qinghe, though Nie Huaisang insisted he would write several letters a week to Wei Ying, letting him know there was no pressure to write back, and followed through. The next several weeks were relatively busy, with Gusu and the Cloud Recesses preparing for the onset of winter, as autumn was a short season in the mountains. 

Wei Ying received letters from both Nie Huaisang and Wen Ning in that time, and had managed to write back a few times, though once he just sent paintings. He sent a beautiful gongbi-style piece featuring Wen Ning standing tall and aiming his bow at a target, clearly a memory from the discussion conference at Nightless City. Shortly afterward, Wen-zongzhu wrote to ask about commissioning a large family portrait for display in the Fire Palace throne room, and insisting on paying ten times what Wei Ying asked. Lan Xichen happily provided a small studio where he could work, which was carefully locked with his invented talisman to prevent sabotage. Wangji took to quiet afternoons reading while Wei Ying painted, chaperoned by one of the Jiang siblings, xiongzhang, or shufu. 

To Nie Huaisang, he sent freehand shui-mo paintings and sketches of birds he’d observed in the Cloud Recesses, often done while Wangji went on chaperoned walks with him in the back hills on a small, easily carried easel he gave as a courtship gift. Wei Ying received a praise-filled letter and a beautiful Qinghe-made tapestry of two snuggling rabbits in return, which was hung in the Jiang guest house across from his bed, for later installment in the jingshi.

Wangji commissioned a beautiful cloak for Wei Ying, a blue as pale as the Lan forehead ribbons, lined with fur, with embroidered mandarin ducks flying amid the clouds, a motif of the three gentlemen of winter below at the hem in a winterscape. He presented it as a courtship gift the first cold day, when Wei Ying’s breath misted under a nose red from the chill, and was pleased when his gift was immediately put to use. 

Jiang Yanli cooed over the chosen embroidery, telling them she was certain they would have a happy marriage. Jiang Wanyin quietly told him Wei Ying was a little sensitive to cold due to his time lived on the streets, which was high praise on the timeliness of his gift and information that led him to commission a warm blanket as his next gift. 

He loved the way Wei Ying blushed prettily upon receiving these gifts, the way he stuttered a little for several minutes, and knew this was what had led his zhiji, during the lectures, to tease him for the reaction. Part of him regretted not having given him the attention he deserved back then, but he could not turn back time, simply move forward appropriately. 

Wei Ying’s courtship gifts to Wangji included beautiful paintings, to his delight, and literature and poetry he ordered special from the bookstore in Caiyi. The choices displayed his impeccable taste and often included books of romantic poetry. One gift he particularly loved was a tiny duo of wooden rabbits, carved by Wei Ying in spectacular detail, which he kept on his desk in the jingshi, where he could enjoy it while he worked. 

Wei Ying’s siblings, with the help of Nie Huaisang’s urging via letters, convinced him that staying with them until the wedding was the best course of action, and then he would be safe in the jingshi with Wangji. 

It was a good thing they had. 

When they went to retrieve the rest of his belongings from his old quarters one afternoon, the doors sealed behind them, locked with Wei Ying’s talisman used as a tool of imprisonment, and the sound of snarling dogs filled the room. 

Wei Ying climbed into the rafters immediately, managing to leave grooves with his fingernails in the woodwork in his haste, his pupils blown in terror. Though they eventually found and disabled the talisman responsible for the sound under the bed, it took another ke to coax him down. He was almost catatonic, and Wangji started to consider using Bichen to fly up and carry him down. 

Finally, he seemed to come back to himself, his eyes clearing as they landed on Wangji. His only warning was “catch me?” murmured so softly he nearly missed it. Then Wei Ying let himself fall from the rafters, arms open, trusting him, and he did as bidden, pulling him close and cradling him when he landed safely in his arms. 

“You caught me,” Wei Ying whispered tremulously. 

“Mm. I will always catch Wei Ying,” he assured him, keeping his touch gentle as he helped him sit, though inside he was raging at the person who would do something so vile. 

Wei Ying trembled terribly and didn’t seem able to stop, clearly needing time to recover from the scare, so they wrapped him first in his warm winter cloak, which he had hung over a privacy screen upon entering his former quarters, and then in the blanket from the bed—for comfort rather than cold. He was wan, his skin clammy, a sheen of sweat on his upper lip, and when Wangji checked his pulse it seemed a bit irregular, so it was better he rest until they could get him to a healer. Jiang Yanli sat with him at the table and straightened his headband, which had gone askew on his forehead in the tumult, tutting over him. 

Meanwhile Wangji and Jiang Wanyin tried to troubleshoot a way out. Or, rather, one that didn’t involve brute force and trigger the backlash. Wangji knew there had to be a way, but Wei Ying was still shaking, his eyes distant. 

Just as they were debating who would trigger the backlash and be gifted blue hair—each specifically arguing to be the one—Wei Ying spoke.

“I didn’t make it for this,” he murmured, sounding both dazed and affronted at the way his locking talisman had been misused. “It has a failsafe, though—Lan Xichen and Lan-xiansheng know it.”

Wei Ying pulled a piece of talisman paper from his sleeve, and Wangji quickly brought over an inkstone and brush from his desk before he could use blood to write it. Wei Ying’s fingernails were cracked and bleeding, imbedded with splinters of wood, and Jiang Yanli made a noise of distress upon seeing them. Wangji forced himself to quash the desire to tend to them immediately, telling himself Wei Ying would benefit more from a healer and not being trapped. He could sense Jiang Wanyin tensing beside him when he noticed, possibly warring with the same urge. 

He took the talisman when it was complete, not wanting Wei Ying to use his spiritual energy before a healer cleared him. The handwriting was shaky enough for concern. 

The door unsealed when he applied the talisman, and Wei Ying told them to keep the disabled locking talisman so it could be examined. 

Wangji wished they hadn’t destroyed the talisman responsible for the barking so it could be examined as well, but at the time they had been more concerned with Wei Ying’s terror. 

“The locking talisman should be keyed to the culprit’s qi,” Wei Ying murmured to him as he moved to help him stand. “I’ll have to figure out how to trace it.”

“You don’t have to figure out anything,” Jiang Wanyin told him roughly. “Let others take responsibility.”

Wei Ying wasn’t able to stay steady on his feet, and it was decided Wangji would carry him to the infirmary, escorted by Jiang Yanli, while Jiang Wanyin sealed his quarters and took the disabled locking talisman to xiongzhang and shufu. Moving the rest of his possessions to the Jiangs’ quarters would have to wait until the healers cleared him, and until his quarters had been searched more thoroughly. Jiang Yanli carried Wei Ying’s sword, which he had dropped in his scramble to the rafters. 

The healer on duty immediately brought them back to the same room Wei Ying had spent the night in after the lotus incident, and Wangji knew they had likely called for bedding again, with the knowledge the Jiang siblings would never leave him to be alone; he hoped they had accounted for his similar intent. She lit incense, the scent of sandalwood filling the air, before examining Wei Ying, who was still shaking intermittently, tiny tremors, almost like muscle spasms. 

“You’ve had a panic attack, Wei-gongzi, but it has not disrupted your qi or core,” she said when she had finished, looking at them for further explanation. 

Jiang Yanli explained quickly, and the healer’s jaw clenched, showing her anger at the continued targeting of Wei Ying, something he appreciated wholeheartedly. He tightened his grip on Bichen, letting the way the decorative metal patterns bit into the skin, imagining the what punishments could be meted out against the person who had, again, targeted Wei Ying. 

“They couldn’t have gotten in once we locked it up,” Wei Ying murmured once Jiang Yanli trailed off, “so it’s been there, waiting for me to come back and trigger it, since the initial sabotage.”

Wangji blinked at him; even just having had a panic attack and still recovering from the aftermath, Wei Ying’s genius shined, and he had already made a significant observation, the logical progression of thought flying through him. His beloved’s mind was a wonder. 

“It’s a good thing you’re not going back there, then,” Jiang Yanli said decisively. “A-Cheng and I will retrieve your belongings and make sure there aren’t any other surprises.”

It was a testament to how shaken he was that Wei Ying made no effort to argue, only nodding in agreement. His uncharacteristic pliability reminded Wangji of the Wei Ying of not too long ago, subdued in a way Wei Ying should never be, unreachable. The understanding that Wei Ying’s condition could worsen again terrified Wangji. 

The healer left the room and returned with a tray of medicine, servants trailing after her with piles of bedding—three, Wangji was happy to see—and several chairs, as it was hours yet before hai shi. This also made it clear she wanted to keep him for observation. 

She closed the door when the servants left, then offered him a bowl of medicine. 

“Wei-gongzi, this is a slight sedative, which will relax your muscles and ease some of the effects of the panic attack. It may make you a bit sleepy, but the aftermath of the shock will likely do the same anyway,” the healer said, giving him a choice rather than insisting he take it.

Wangji didn’t know whether she was giving him the option to refuse it because his condition was less severe, or if the choice was meant to let Wei Ying feel in control following a violation of his sense of safety. Either way, he appreciated her not removing his agency. 

Wei Ying didn’t hesitate to take the bowl, which indicated just how poorly he felt. Wangji had to force himself to take measured breaths, seething at how little he could do to help in this moment. 

When he was finished, the healer set the bowl aside and turned her attention to his hands, spreading a topical numbing agent over the tips of his fingers before carefully pulling bits of wood from under his nails and the pads of his fingers. Once she was satisfied all the splinters had been removed, she spread a salve on them and bandaged them.

“They’ll be healed by tomorrow,” Wei Ying protested as she finished bandaging the first finger.

“That may be, but until then, bandages,” she said sternly.

“It’s important we properly care for your injuries, A-Xian,” Jiang Yanli added, sitting beside him on the bed and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

Wei Ying put up no further resistance, and as the healer was halfway through his second hand, a soft knock at the door announced the arrival of Jiang Wanyin, who had both xiongzhang and shufu in tow. 

Xichen blanched a bit as he walked in, his eyes alighting on the healer bandaging Wei Ying’s mangled fingers, and he and shufu bowed to them once the door was closed.

“Wei-gongzi, we truly apologize,” Lan Qiren stated, sounding ashamed.

“Ah, don’t bow, please! It’s not your fault,” Wei Ying said, sounding a little frantic and waving the hand that wasn’t in possession of the healer.

“You were targeted again on our watch,” xiongzhang said, his voice tight with frustration. 

“It isn’t a new attack, just a trap left behind the first time. They couldn’t have gotten in again with the locking talisman engaged,” Wei Ying insisted. “And anyway I wasn’t alone.”

Some of the tension seemed to leave Xichen at that, but shufu shook his head. 

“We were tasked with searching your room to discover if anything further had been sabotaged,” Lan Qiren argued. “We were derelict in our duty to you.”

“Something triggered it. If you didn’t trigger it, I’m not surprised you didn’t find it,” Wei Ying said.

Wangji could see Wei Ying’s fatigue, and so when the healer vacated the seat beside him after finishing the bandaging, he slid in to take it, as well as Wei Ying’s hand, hoping the gesture would comfort him. If he could not fight the person causing Wei Ying pain, he could at least do this. 

“I don’t want to assign blame,” Wei Ying said after a moment, squeezing Wangji’s hand slightly. “It’s the fault of the asshole who set it up, no one else.”

He glanced at his siblings as he said the last bit, and Wangji knew he was reiterating what he had said to them on multiple occasions, particularly after it became clear that both of the Jiang siblings were wracked with guilt over having not done something before the incident to stop Madam Yu, as though they weren’t also abused, as though they hadn’t been children without sufficient power. 

“I think we’re all more interested in finding the culprit,” Jiang Yanli cut in softly. “We don’t apologize for things that aren’t our fault.”

Shufu inclined his head and nodded in acknowledgment, but Wangji knew his uncle’s sense of guilt would remain—he, too, blamed himself for not somehow knowing of Wei Ying’s abuse. 

“The talisman master is searching in the library for a way to identify the qi signature,” xiongzhang said. “It may well not exist yet, but he’s hoping to find ideas in existing material.”

“I can help him,” Wei Ying offered immediately. 

Lan Qiren shook his head. 

“You must rest, Wei Wuxian. Your recovery is what you should focus on.”

His tone brooked no argument, and Wangji knew he was referring to more than just tonight—Wei Ying was still recovering from his near death, at least psychologically. Wangji knew the healers kept an eye on his scars, which had threatened muscles needed for sword forms. He was still monitored when he trained or sparred. The damage would have been worse if not for Wen Qing’s treatment and the use of Gusu Lan songs of healing. A lesser cultivator would have died from just the whipping, to say nothing of the drowning. 

Wei Ying only nodded, and his expression was heart-wrenching, as he tried and failed to hide the sheer frustration with his own health. 

“Do not push yourself, Wei-gongzi,” xiongzhang said softly. “Your health is important.”

Wangji squeezed his hand to indicate his agreement with that sentiment, and was pleased when Wei Ying glanced at him and managed a wan smile—one that was meant to be reassuring, as tremulous as it was. 

“Wei Ying looks tired,” he murmured. “I will not leave.”

Wei Ying simply nodded in reply, curling closer to him, his head on the edge of his pillow and forehead against Wangji’s arm, a request for closeness he could not deny. 

Pointedly not looking at the multiple chaperones in the room, he sat on the bed and helped Wei Ying shift until he was curled against him, his head resting against his shoulder. It was decidedly less than proper, but his beloved needed the closeness.

No one commented, hopefully realizing Wei Ying’s comfort was more important in this instance, particularly since he was already nodding off. Rather, Jiang Yanli wrapped a blanket around them both. 

“We can have dinner sent here from the kitchen,” xiongzhang offered.

“I have soup cooking,” Jiang Yanli said, shaking her head. “And other parts of the meal are in progress. I just paused to help clear out A-Xian’s room with him.”

Shufu stroked his beard, then sighed and cut through to the easiest solution. 

“I can stay here to chaperone, so Jiang Yanli and Jiang Wanyin can finish preparing dinner to bring here. Xichen, it may be best if you retrieve Wangji’s qin and anything else he will need for the night. If the Jiangs need help bringing dinner and other sundries, you should assist them as well.”

Jiang Wanyin headed for the door immediately, likely wanting to work quickly so they could return to Wei Ying’s side sooner. Jiang Yanli hesitated, leaning close to Wei Ying, peering around the blanket to check on him and smiling when she found he was asleep before following her brother out. Xiongzhang asked him what items he wanted from the jingshi—whose lock talisman would recognize him, thankfully. 

Wangji was able to give a brief list, as circumstances would change his nightly routine—general hygiene items, his comb and hair oil, a sleeping robe, and fresh robes for the morning. Aside from his guqin, he needed little else.

Though he was still holding Wei Ying in a manner that was inappropriate for courtship, shufu made no move to separate them, instead settling in a chair and pulling his xiao from his sleeve. 

“We will consult an augur on suitable dates, once this is resolved,” he said. 

This left Wangji reeling; courtships often lasted a year or two, and the implication of consulting now meant a shorter troth, perhaps could imply Wei Ying as undeserving of proper courtship. 

“The setting of an auspicious date a year into the future is not unheard of, and will solidify Wei Wuxian’s position to the world,” shufu explained. “It cannot help us with finding the traitor in our midst, but will further protect his reputation.”

Particularly if word got out that Wei Ying had been targeted from within the sect, it would stir rumors and gossip about how protected or welcome he was, Wangji knew. But announcing an auspicious date and dealing with the saboteur firmly for their crimes would counter those strongly. 

Politics was not something Wangji understood or would ever want to deal with, and he was thankful that shufu was managing that aspect in the protection of Wei Ying. 

Wei Ying, who slept trusting in their protection in his arms now, his face slack and peaceful despite the terror he’d felt half a shichen ago and the painful-looking torn nails. 

Wangji did not trust himself not to tear the culprit limb from limb for hurting Wei Ying, and so it was good shufu would handle that as well. 

“Regardless of the current situation, it is beyond time to set a date, with the way both of you have been unknowingly courting since you were fifteen,” shufu said, his voice wry.

Wangji felt his ears heat, to know shufu knew of his regard for Wei Ying so far back. Lan Qiren smiled at him as though pointing at how he was currently holding Wei Ying, and he supposed he wasn’t subtle, even now drawn to his zhiji. 

“If someone had told me back then I would happily welcome him as your husband, I would have thought them mad,” shufu continued, his voice betraying his sense of guilt. “Cangse Sanren would be pleased with the change, I think, but not what it took for it to happen.”

He was relieved his uncle, essentially the only remaining parental figure in his life, had come to approve of Wei Ying, but also wished it had not taken his near-death. Wangji wished it had never happened, that Wei Ying could be unburdened by the trauma of it. 

“Wei Ying hides his hurts,” he said, though he knew Lan Qiren’s sense of guilt was unlikely to be swayed. 

After all, it didn’t help his own sense of guilt, even knowing he could not have been aware of the pain Wei Ying’s smile hid. 

“I was biased toward him because I was not fond of his mother,” Lan Qiren said. “My judgment of him was a flaw in myself.”

Shufu brought his xiao to his lips and started playing a song of healing, one meant to boost qi to heal injuries faster, and one that had been played many times during Wei Ying’s convalescence when he had first arrived in Gusu so grievously injured. 

Strictly speaking, it was unnecessary given that his injuries were not nearly severe enough to warrant musical cultivation. But Wangji knew shufu’s actions were an attempt to ensure Wei Ying’s pain was as brief as possible, were his way of doing something in the face of helplessness and impotence. 

Then he shifted into Clarity, and Wangji felt the rage-induced tension in himself, the way it seethed in an uncomfortable way under his skin, and he let in the music to help clear his heart and mind of it. This was shufu’s way of acknowledging and empathizing with his anger, while also encouraging him to have a level head. He couldn’t protect Wei Ying effectively with rage clouding his judgment. 

They could only wait now—for the Jiangs to return with dinner and xiongzhang with Wangji’s belongings, for the talisman master to find a way to trace qi, for the ability to root out the saboteur and make Wei Ying safe. 

Wangji hated waiting, but at least he was permitted to do so with Wei Ying in his arms, breathing softly and safe against him, as safe as possible in this moment. 

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Gongbi is a style of painting that is meticulous and detailed, and likely would have taken hours. You can imagine he started painting it after Wen Qing’s visit, meaning to send it as a sort of apology. Shui-mo is literally water and ink and refers to an ink painting with watercolor. These are the two main techniques in traditional Chinese painting. 

On a personal note, my luck finally ran out after over 2 years of careful masking and hygiene, and I caught Covid. Worse, my mom came to visit me for my 39th birthday and one of her gifts was Covid. At first I thought it was hayfever, but it kept getting worse. Home test confirmed we were both infected. I hadn’t had my second booster yet, and the new variants are supposedly dodging the antibodies somehow. 

Fortunately, it stayed an upper respiratory infection and I was able to keep it from going into my lungs—something I was worried about because I have chronic bronchitis. (One of my risk factors.) But it was miserable. The last time I got that sick was after my dad’s sudden death when my immune system crashed and I got (shocker) bronchitis. But seriously, feeling like you’re swallowing broken glass sucks. 

It’s been 3 weeks and I’m still exhausted, but it’s hard to know if that’s residual from the covid or if the covid triggered my autoimmune disease to act up more than usual. Since a friend from high school has diagnosed long Covid, I’m keeping track to see if I need to go to the doctor over it. 

And don’t get me started about waking up to find I have less bodily autonomy than a corpse.