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fangirlwriting-stories · 3 years

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Misery

Summary: Virgil starts seeing a lot of a dark side he hadn't before, and this particular side makes things seem worse than they really are. Yeah, making things seem worse. Because things aren't really as bad as he says... are they?

Trigger Warnings: Torture, Violence, Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Mind Control, please let me know if you’d like something to be added.

A/N: Huge thanks to @colorcollector for letting me use their lovely headcanon as the last part of this chapter!

Chapter One:

Virgil couldn’t necessarily say he loved life as a dark side, but there were things that made it bearable. Well, there were two things that made it bearable.

“Dogpile!” Remus cried, throwing himself on top of an unsuspecting Janus. Virgil smiled at the wheeze Janus let out even as Remus was already making himself comfortable. Virgil decided against throwing himself on top of someone else and potentially landing on any of his wounds from yesterday, and instead just laid down on the couch next to Janus, tucking himself into his waiting arms, and then getting sprawled on top of by Remus a second later.

“You do understand I can’t play the movie like this,” Janus said, shifting his head as much as he was currently capable of doing towards the remote that was now crushed against the back of the couch.

“All part of my diabolical plan,” Remus said with a grin, snatching the remote from Janus. “We’re watching The Human Centipede if I say we’re watching The Human Centipede!”

Janus looked at Virgil with obvious betrayal. “You participated in this?”

“We’re not watching The Human Centipede,” Virgil said with a laugh, taking the remote from Remus, who pouted at him.

“Virgin, don’t you love me?”

“I don’t love anyone that much.”

Remus made an offended noise that it was Janus’ turn to laugh at, and Virgil put on Coraline instead, which Remus started grumbling about barely counting as a horror movie. He still laid down on top of Virgil to watch it, though, so he couldn’t mind that much.

Janus had set out tubs of popcorn on the table in front of them, which Virgil and Remus now ate in front of him while laying on his arms so he couldn’t get to any. Would they move after half an hour or so? Probably. Were they going to keep up the idea that they wouldn’t move until they finally did? Absolutely.

Virgil spent most of the night curled against the two people that made life not suck sometimes, and relished in the feeling of people who loved him holding him close. It wasn’t often that they did things like this. They had bonding activities that were more obviously Remus and Janus’ speed all the time, such as plotting evil schemes and blowing up cities in the Imagination, but Virgil honestly enjoyed a lot of that enough that times like this didn’t feel as necessary. But that didn’t mean he didn’t relish them when they came around.

…Unfortunately, they all usually ended the same way, and tonight was no exception. He stepped back into his room a couple hours later to find Cruelty standing right inside the door, and as soon as Virgil froze, realizing his presence, Cruelty spun Virgil around, slammed him against the wall, and drove a knife through his shoulder.

There were times Virgil wished rooms weren’t soundproof from the outside. Remus would have come running with thirty different kinds of weapons if he heard Virgil’s scream.

He still managed to cut himself off pretty quickly. The scream was more due to shock and surprise than anything else. It was far safer for him to keep his mouth shut and try to be uninteresting. Cruelty, at least, would get bored if he didn’t make pretty little noises.

“Could you explain something to me, Anxiety?” he asked, keeping his voice low and cold. “Why exactly are you the one Thomas decided to put in his little video series?”

Ah, yes. The others hadn’t been thrilled about Virgil getting invited back. Virgil focused on the celebration he’d had in the Imagination with Janus and Remus and took a breath as he answered. “Thomas has known about me for years,” he said, voice steady. “If you ever convince Deceit you’re not a totally useless dickwad, maybe he’ll introduce you too.”

Virgil couldn’t hold back the scream when the knife was ripped from his left shoulder and stabbed again through his right one.

“You’re a little pest, you know that?” Cruelty spat. “That’s the only reason Thomas wants you around. You’re a pest that’s easy to get rid of. An easy villain to defeat so he can get an ego boost.”

Virgil was going to pretend that comment didn’t sting as much as it did. “Does that mean Thomas doesn’t want you around because you would never shut up?”

The knife was transferred to his arm. Virgil managed not to scream this time, and Cruelty seemed to take notice.

“Ugh, you’re no fun anymore,” he said. “Why do I even bother with you?”

I’ve been asking myself that question for years now, Virgil thought, though he didn’t say it out loud because he wasn’t a total idiot.

Cruelty pulled the knife out of his arm and twirled it around as he walked towards Virgil’s bathroom to clean the blood off of it. Virgil didn’t move until the noises stopped, meaning Cruelty had most likely sunk out.

He started checking the knife wounds as he made his way over to the bathroom, but as he opened the door he was met with a deep cold that could only mean one side.

“Oh, Anxiety, are you okay?” Misery asked. Virgil looked up in surprise to find him standing over the counter.

“Misery? What are you doing here?”

“Shhh, don’t worry about it,” Misery said. He reached under the counter and pulled out Virgil’s first-aid kit, then walked over and took Virgil gently by the arm.

The fight drained out of him so fast that if he could do much other than be dragged over to the toilet, it probably would have been falling over.

“What—” Virgil tried.

“Oh, Anxiety, you don’t look so good,” Misery said softly. “I’m just trying to help you is all.”

Well that definitely wasn’t the case, but as was a side effect of Misery, he didn’t really have enough energy anymore to protest.

A second later, Misery did in fact start peeling his hoodie and shirt off in order to wrap the wounds on his shoulder.

He’d finished his first shoulder wound when he started whispering. “You know you don’t deserve to be the one that Thomas knows, right?”

Virgil didn’t really have it in him to say anything.

“You don’t deserve to be known by him. You don’t deserve anything other than to be trapped down here forever with us.”

Virgil managed enough of a protest to lean weakly away.

“Oh, shh, it’s okay,” Misery whispered, pulling Virgil back over and starting on his other shoulder wound. “Don’t worry, we’re going to give you exactly what you deserve.”

The only reason Virgil didn’t have to try and hold back his whimper of fear was because at this point, it would have taken far more effort to make it heard in the first place.

Misery continued to talk about Virgil not deserving to see Thomas until he finished bandaging all of the wounds Cruelty had given him, then gave Virgil a sweet smile and a pat on the cheek before he left.

The cold and, well, misery that had invaded the room left with him and Virgil pulled in a shaky gasp. It took him a good ten minutes to muster up the energy to move, but when he did, he grabbed onto his counter and slowly made his way back into his room and over to his bed, which he crawled into without even bothering to put a shirt back on.

He didn’t want to get up for a week.

Virgil put enough of the pieces together waking up the next day after Misery’s visit, when he woke up feeling significantly less exhausted. Misery was probably a pissed off reaction by either himself or the others to the fact that he got to talk to Thomas now. Well that definitely wasn’t… pleasant.

He rubbed his eyes and looked over at his clock to find it was already past 11:00. Ugh. That was Misery for you. And the fact that he’d been up watching movies probably didn’t help either. He sat up in bed and stretched, pulled a shirt on, and headed into the bathroom to see if his clothes were still there, because he’d have to wash the blood out of them if they were. But Misery must have taken them when he left, which was a small mercy he supposed. He’d probably have to be careful going into the kitchen for food, because at this point there would be sides in there ready for lunch.

Virgil cracked his door open and peeked into the hallway, then relaxed and pulled the door open when he spotted Remus splayed out on the couch.

“Morning, Re,” he said, shutting the door after him as he walked out.

Remus glanced up. “Not for much longer. You sleep too long, Emo. You miss out on the fun. I dueled Janny for a breakfast bar.”

“You dueled him?”

“Yeah! He used his shepherds crook and I used my di—”

“Let me eat breakfast first, asshole.”

“Oh, well I suppose I could have used that too—”

“Remus,” Virgil groaned, starting for the kitchen as Remus cackled behind him.

Virgil managed to at least eat a bagel and have a glass of milk before he was interrupted again. Not by Cruelty, he probably wouldn’t bother Virgil again until he got bored, but unlike him, Pride, who was waiting by the counter, had no such easy way out as stopping when Virgil got boring. At least he couldn’t do as much with Remus in the other room. Virgil would stay out here and take the pressing on his new wounds with silent winces rather than go back behind closed doors and have to suffer through who knows what. Pride could be worse than Cruelty in a lot of ways.

“Cruelty said he had fun last night,” Pride hissed in Virgil’s ear after he’d gone a while without doing anything.

Virgil held his phone slightly tighter from where he was looking down at it and nodded. “Yes,” he replied quietly. Give Pride what he wants, or he never stops.

“You really are getting more than you deserve, you know,” Pride said lightly, though he still didn’t raise his voice above a whisper. “It’s not like Thomas is ever going to love you. Not him, not the core sides.”

Virgil didn’t say anything, not really sure what Pride wanted this time.

That ended up being a mistake, as Pride leaned forward, grabbed his left shoulder, and dug his nails into it. Virgil didn’t bother trying to hold back his whimper. It would do more to placate him.

“I swear to Thomas if you—” he hissed.

“Hey, Anxiety!” called Remus from the other room.

Pride’s hand vanished from his shoulder.

“Yeah?” Virgil called, doing his best to keep his voice steady.

“Come here!”

Virgil looked back over at Pride, who was already scowling. “We’re finishing this later,” he hissed.

Virgil nodded. “Yeah, I know,” he whispered.

That didn’t seem to make Pride any less pissed, if his yanking Virgil up from the table and shoving him towards the living room was any indication. Virgil caught himself on the wall and took a shaky breath, pulling himself together and then heading into the living room to see what Remus wanted.

…

Pride torture sessions went by faster if Virgil did the opposite of what he did with Cruelty. Scream when it hurt, lots of begging and pleading, stroke his ego. It always kind of made Virgil feel like a weakling, but it was better than having worse injuries the next day. He was pretty sure Janus would be proud of him for using his self preservation skills.

He made it through an hour or so of laughing and punches before Pride seemed to have had his fill, and picked Virgil up by the shoulders to drag him to the bathroom. Virgil didn’t bother to try and hide any whimpers that escaped, it would just make it more likely for him to leave.

Virgil assumed he was just going to deposit him onto the toilet or something and walk out while still laughing, but the second they made it into the bathroom a familiar cold seeped into Virgil’s bones and he was dropped straight into Misery’s arms.

“Have fun,” Pride said, sounding cocky and very pleased with himself. “You make me too depressed, I’m not sticking around for this.”

Virgil was too sore and now exhausted to try and resist as Misery finished carrying him over to the toilet and set him down.

He probably should have expected he would be here. That was probably going to continue.

“Anxiety,” Misery said, sounding for all the life of him like a parent reprimanding their child. “Did you honestly think you could get away from Pride by getting the creative side involved?”

Virgil didn’t have any ideas or energy to give as a response, but apparently Misery expected one, because he lifted Virgil’s face gently by the chin until he could meet his eyes.

“Anxiety, you know that’s not fair, right?”

“I wasn’t… trying to get anyone involved,” Virgil managed. “He called me… all on his own.”

“Oh, sweetheart, it’s not very nice to lie to people,” Misery said, shaking his head in disapproval. “I would have thought you’d know that, with how often Deceit lies to you.”

Virgil was going to at least attempt to protest that the kinds of lies Janus told were often intentionally sarcastic and obvious, especially when he knew how that could calm Virgil down. But he’d barely opened his mouth when Misery started making shushing noises, and he dropped his head to his chest as Misery started opening the first aid kit again.

“You shouldn’t try to run to Deceit and the Duke for help,” Misery said. “It’s not like you can always count on them anyway. Just let whoever needs you finish whatever they want to do, okay? That will be easier in the long run anyway.”

Virgil would have asked what in the world was meant by not being able to count on Janus and Remus if he had any will left to do anything other than just nod. Misery didn’t talk much until he finished with the bandages, and then, more small mercies, he carried Virgil back into his room and tucked him back into bed before leaving. Virgil probably would have fallen asleep in the bathroom if he hadn’t done that, if the way his eyes were already drooping was any indication, and the way that he was already falling asleep as he heard Misery close the door after him.

…

In the many things that Virgil had learned about Logan since joining the core sides, one of them was that Logan didn’t like to leave arguments unfinished. He’d seen Roman try to go back to what he was doing before only for Logan to continue getting louder and firmer until Roman finally returned to the argument and either won or lost. It would have freaked Virgil out much more if the arguments didn’t usually end with laughter, or Patton getting in between them and mediating the damage, or both.

He hadn’t been the person Logan was arguing with since their debate video, and Virgil didn’t think he’d really been trying enough then for it to really count as one. That was probably the reason he hadn’t expected this morning to go the way it had ended up going, but here they were.

“Virgil, you’re being unreasonable,” Logan said, sounding more than a little done with their conversation. “Creamer just makes coffee taste better, is all.”

“Yeah, except if you add an entire carton of it, it ceases to be coffee,” Virgil said, crossing his arms. “Coffee is meant to be black like my soul.”

“There has never been any sort of evidence that humans have souls, and even if they did, why would they be any particular color—”

“Okay, woah, slow down, kiddos,” Patton said gently, stepping forward and putting a hand on Logan’s shoulder, along with holding his opposite hand out to Virgil. “You both sound like you’re getting a little worked up. Maybe we should take a break and cool down a little bit?”

Logan huffed and drew himself upwards, not looking the least bit satisfied. “Fine.” He turned to head out of the kitchen, and Virgil smirked a little after him, because he had clearly won that argument, before Logan turned and leveled a serious look back at him. “We are finishing this later,” he said, sounding almost angry, and Virgil stopped smirking.

Had— had Logan been taking the argument that seriously? They were just talking about coffee creamer.

Virgil set his coffee cup before he dropped it, then shoved his now-shaking hands into his pockets. He stood abruptly from the table, causing Patton to look over at him from where he was still making eggs by the stove, and sprinted from the room before Patton could say anything, though he didn’t miss the concerned call after him.

Virgil made it to his room, slamming the door behind him, and leaned back against it.

Things were supposed to be different here. Things had been different, better here, until now. But Virgil hadn’t realized how seriously Logan was taking the argument, and now Logan was mad, and Virgil had gone and ruined it all again like he always did.

Virgil slid down onto his floor and buried his head in his knees, breathing as slowly as he currently could.

Logan wasn’t… Logan wasn’t like Pride, he wasn’t like any of the others, maybe he wouldn’t…

Virgil took another shaky breath. Even if he did, Virgil could stand his ground against Logan. He wasn’t going to do this, not again. He could defend himself against Logan if he had too. And then the others would hate him again, but that would be fine. Misery was right, after all, no one could ever really—

His thoughts were cut off by knocking.

“Virgil? Patton informed me I might have distressed you. Are you alright?”

Virgil took a couple more breaths to calm himself down, stood up and clenched his left hand into a fist, and pulled the door open with his right.

…Logan didn’t look nearly as angry anymore. Something in Virgil’s chest released.

“I apologize, Virgil,” Logan said, clearly picking up on his obvious distress. “I was not intending to alarm you. We were having an argument about coffee creamer, I did not really input a lot of emotional investment.”

Virgil chuckled weakly. “Yeah. Yeah, me neither. Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak out, I just…”

“It’s alright. I promise I was not actually angry, I just do not enjoy leaving debates and arguments unfinished.”

Virgil nodded. “Yeah,” he admitted. “Neither do I. It… really makes me feel like the other person is more pissed at me than they probably are.”

Logan nodded back slightly. “Alright. Then perhaps in the future if one of us is getting overheated, we should merely turn around and take a couple breaths to calm ourselves down, before continuing to debate much more calmly?”

“That… sounds good,” Virgil said. “That sounds good, Lo. Thank you.”

Logan gave Virgil a small smile. “No thanks necessary, Virgil. I would very much not want to continue to cause you distress if I could easily prevent doing so, after all.”

Virgil wiped the tears away from his eyes before they could fall and gave a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Specs,” he whispered. “Love you too.”

Virgil, believe it or not, rather enjoyed blowing things up. It was quite the stress reliever, and with the added fact that nothing in Remus’ Imagination was real and no one would ever actually get hurt, it was very nice to watch the buildings in the distance be destroyed in the blink of an eye. Not that he asked Remus every day. He couldn’t rely on him to always be willing to help, after all.

Today, though, Remus had offered, and Virgil was now happily listening to the sound of rubble falling and the crashing of debris behind a blast shield a half a mile away.

Remus whistled from next to him. “Damn, Virgil, that was a good throw. I think you took down a skyscraper with that one.”

“Hmm, yes, very impressive,” Janus said, from his spot on Virgil’s other side casually looking at his nails. “Of course, I did take down half a block earlier, so.”

“Of one-story residential homes,” Virgil said, sticking his tongue out at Janus. “I win, Jan.”

“Oh, please.”

“Nope!” called Remus, jumping up and hurling another grenade towards the city. He ducked down a second later and massive explosion rocked the terrain. “I just took out three blocks at once!”

“Well, that’s totally fair, considering this is your Imagination and you don’t have any kind of leg up on us,” Janus said in annoyance.

“Yeah, come on Re, I call bullshit.”

“You’re both just jealous!” Remus sang, as if he had any kind of right to gloat in this situation. Virgil hissed and swiped at Remus, which was of course the highest of insults coming from him.

Remus didn’t do anything other than cackle and hurl another grenade, though, so the message must have somehow not have gotten across.

With Remus using his completely unfair cheat code of having made the entire situation they were in, he ended up winning the count of buildings destroyed, followed, unfortunately, by Janus, who won in quantity— but definitely not in quality, because he didn’t bring down a single skyscraper, and Virgil was going to hold that over his head until the next time they came in here.

Janus ended up vanishing into the kitchen like a coward who was too scared to admit he’d practically lost. He did return half an hour later with dinner, suggesting that might have been why he went into the kitchen, but that didn’t mean anything.

“So,” Janus said, setting down the mini pizzas. “How did the video go?”

“Logan got ridiculously dark when he found out he was the reason Thomas was struggling with procrastination,” Virgil said, picking a slice of pizza. “He started going on rants about snakes eating their tails to satiate their hunger.”

“Oooh, how fun!” Remus exclaimed. “Wait, Janus do you have a tail? Are you going to eat it?”

“No, I do not have a tail, and I also definitely don’t prefer human food, thank you,” Janus said with a shake of his head.

“Hey, hey Janus, retract your jaw and eat that slice of pizza in one bite!”

“I can’t do that.”

“Have you ever tried?” Virgil asked with a smirk.

“Not the point.”

“Oh, he can definitely do it,” Remus said with a nod, glancing over at Virgil.

“Yep, he’s holding out on us.”

“I am not—”

“Where will the lies end, Janny?” Remus asked, with an overdramatic shake of his head.

Janus sighed. “What a reasonable question, it’s not like deception is my entire function or anything.”

“You’ve betrayed us for the last time,” Virgil said casually. “I don’t see how we could ever trust you again.”

“Oh, and here I thought our relationship was going just fine. I guess it serves me right.”

“I’m not getting enough love or cool detachable jaw demonstrations, Jan,” Remus said, wiping a fake tear from his eye. “It’s only a matter of time until I stop wanting to associate with you.”

“Remind me again why I taught you two sarcasm?”

“You can’t go back!” Remus exclaimed, raising his hand up in the air dramatically.

“Yeah, this is really all your fault,” Virgil said, taking another bite of pizza. “You should have known better.”

Janus gave a long, irritable sigh that did a poor job of hiding his amused smile, and they all finished dinner by finally continuing to debate on whether skyscrapers were worth more points when blown up than an entire neighborhood of single-floor homes.

They ended up in Janus’ room after dinner, with Janus reading, Remus trying to do finger painting using hopefully not human blood, and Virgil perched next to Janus on his bed, leaning on him and trying to see how loud he could make his music before Janus would ask him to turn it down.

Unfortunately, before Virgil could get any kind of answer to that question, a knock came on the door.

Virgil stood up on instinct and moved to lean against the wall next to the bed as Janus waved his hand to open the door.

Positivity was standing in the doorway, beaming his smile that didn’t do anything other than freak Virgil out at this point.

“Hey, sorry to bother you Deceit, I was looking for Anxiety?”

Virgil moved his hands behind his back and squeezed them together. “Oh, sure,” he said. “What did you need me for?”

“Come here and I’ll show you,” Positivity said, with another smile that Virgil was pretty sure only he could recognize as irritated.

He swallowed and started towards the door.

“Hey, Anxiety, come back after, okay?” Remus called. “I’m gonna need both your opinions on the finished product.”

“Okay,” Virgil called, following Positivity out towards the living room, where unsurprisingly, Malice was waiting.

“Did you need something?” Virgil asked weakly.

“Only for you to stop being such a downer!” Positivity said. “Honestly, Anxiety, all we wanted was to talk about how the video went!”

Virgil tried to keep the doubt out of his gaze. He couldn’t come up with a reason Malice would be there if that was all they wanted. But Positivity just kept beaming at him. “That’s all we want to do,” he repeated. “Understand?”

Oh. Virgil got it now. He nodded, trying to suppress the new surge of anger. Positivity could do that to him. Positivity as a whole was infuriating, from the smiles, to the way he made Virgil feel trapped, to the name change. His function wasn’t actually Positivity, that was just what he called himself. No one could remember his original function anymore.

That did mean that Virgil couldn’t say for certain that his function wasn’t “Huge Prick.”

Malice sighed from his spot across from them both, drawing Virgil out of his thoughts. “Look, Anxiety,” he said, stepping across the room and wrapping his arms around Virgil’s shoulder. “Talking about the video can really be all that happens now if you answer my questions, okay? I just have a couple things that I need cleared up for me.”

Virgil swallowed and didn’t say anything, just waiting for Malice’s first question.

“Your role in Thomas’ videos is as the antagonist, is it not?”

Virgil nodded.

“Excellent. I’m glad that’s been clarified. So would you like to explain to me why you weren’t ultimately the main cause of Thomas’ problem?”

“Do you… want me to be the main source of Thomas’ problems?” Virgil asked in confusion.

“Oh, no,” Malice said. “What I want is for you to be kicked out of those videos entirely.” He squeezed Virgil a little tighter, and dug his nails into the burn on Virgil’s arm from last week, causing him to wince. “But that isn’t an option, for whatever reason. So I suppose the obvious villain in the videos will do for now. Would you like to explain what happened today?”

“I just… wasn’t the problem,” Virgil said, knowing as he said it that it was stupid but not sure what else to say. “That isn’t my fault—”

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Malice said. He yanked Virgil’s sleeve up and raked his nails down the burn left there. Virgil bit his lip hard and managed not to cry out.

“Nothing,” Virgil stammered. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“Oh, you better believe you’re sorry,” Malice said, low and dangerous.

“Anxiety,” Positivity said in that horribly cheerful voice of his, “You need to understand. Things are fine the way they are! You don’t need to change things! We just don’t want you to rock the boat!” He leaned forward and ruffled Virgil’s hair. “After all, imagine what could happen if Thomas started to like you, or something like that! We’d lose our favorite little Anxiety! We wouldn’t want that, would we?”

He was looking at Virgil in the way that meant he wanted a response, but Virgil wasn’t sure how else to do so other than shake his head.

It at least seemed to be enough for Positivity, who beamed and gave Virgil a side hug from the opposite side of Malice. “Oh, good! I know I for one would miss you terribly. But I’m not going to have to worry about it, because you’re going to do everything you can to keep things just as they are, right?”

Virgil nodded, trying to make himself as small as possible so he at least wasn’t pressed too hard against either Positivity or Malice’s side.

“See that you do,” Malice said, finally letting go of Virgil and giving him one last dangerous look before walking off and leaving Virgil with Positivity.

“Now since Deceit and the Duke expect you back, you can go,” Positivity said, still beaming. “I’ll have Misery meet you in your room before bed tonight, okay?”

“Oh the Duke— wanted— a sleepover,” Virgil stammered on instinct.

Positivity’s smile widened. “Cancel it. Don’t worry, I’m sure he won’t mind! Everything with you three is just fine and dandy all the time, isn’t it?”

Virgil swallowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“See you tomorrow, Anxiety!” Positivity called happily, dancing back around the corner as he waved to Virgil.

Virgil took a deep breath, ran his hands through his hair, and went to head back to Remus and Janus.

…

There weren’t any injuries for Misery to bandage this time, so Virgil wasn’t really sure what he was going to find when he went into his room, which is really the main reason why he stayed in Janus’ room as long as he possibly could. It was only around the time that Janus himself said he was getting tired that Virgil left, and while Remus waved brightly before simply sinking out to his room, Virgil walked out the door and crossed the commons until he ended up outside his door.

He took half a minute to take some deep breaths before he finally pulled it open. He instantly shivered and tucked his hoodie further around himself. Misery must have been waiting for a while. That wasn’t good.

Virgil took a couple steps in and flicked on the light switch to find Misery sitting on his bed, which wasn’t horror-movie levels of creepy or anything.

“Anxiety,” Misery said, giving a soft smile that definitely wasn’t real. “Come here sweetheart, I need to explain something to you.”

“Um.” Virgil took a step back, towards the hallway. “I—”

Misery sighed and stood up, walked across the room, and took Virgil by the arm, leading him back to the bed.

“Now, we were going to talk about your performance in the video today,” Misery said, pulling Virgil into his chest and holding him there. “But then Positivity said you were trying to get out of seeing me by forcing Remus to help you.”

Virgil was surprised enough that he almost managed a protest.

“Anxiety,” Misery said. “You already force them to spend time with you, you shouldn’t ask them to help you as well.”

“I don’t… force—” Virgil started.

“Oh, don’t you?” Misery asked, starting to run a hand through Virgil’s hair. “You have to see it sweetheart, it’s not like Deceit and the Duke like the way that you drag them down all the time. You know they would have so much more fun doing the things that they enjoy if you weren’t there freaking out about it all the time.”

“But I don’t—”

“Shh,” Misery said. “It’s okay, you can’t help it. You are Anxiety, after all. But it’s not fair to stop them from doing the things they enjoy just because you don’t like them.”

Virgil didn’t have a rebuttal to that. He hadn’t thought that had been happening, had it? He liked doing wild and crazy things with Janus and Remus sometimes, with the only caveat being that no one got hurt. But that wasn’t holding them back. Was it?

“And it’s not fair to ask for their help all the time,” Misery said gently. “You don’t want to be a burden to them, do you?”

Virgil curled up further, which was probably a mistake as it only resulted in Misery pulling him closer.

“Maybe you should let them do the things they enjoy by themselves a little more often,” Misery said gently. “That would be fine, wouldn’t it? As long as they can be happy, wouldn’t it be fine?”

Virgil managed a nod.

“Good,” Misery said, sounding pleased. “See? That’s fine. You just have to stop being so selfish, sweetheart. It’s okay, I know you can do it.”

Misery moved them both down to the top of the bed, and laid Virgil down before tucking the blankets over him.

“Goodnight, Anxiety,” he whispered. “I know you’ll do better tomorrow.”

…

Virgil didn’t make a habit of falling asleep during movie nights, and he hadn’t expected tonight to be different. He spent most of the night making casual banter with Roman, or laughing with Logan about the logistics of the movie they were watching, picked by Patton, who Virgil was ninety percent sure picked it in order to get everyone laughing.

But as the movie ended and Roman picked another one, Virgil found himself leaning against the side of the couch, and Patton starting to hum didn’t help matters, and by the time twenty minutes had passed Virgil was falling asleep.

He was woken seconds later by being yanked off of his bed and slammed against the wall next to it, and he barely had a chance to let out a cry of surprise when his gaze centered on the two sides in front of him, one being Positivity and the other being Remus.

“Oh, you were right, this is fun,” Remus said with a grin. “I should have tried this sooner.”

“Didn’t I tell you?” Positivity said with a wide smile of his own. Virgil tried to weakly push Remus off, but his just cackled and moved his hands to Virgil’s throat, and now he was squeezing, and Virgil couldn’t breathe—

“—irgil? Virgil? Virgil, it’s okay! Virgil!”

Virgil reached out and shoved before he even managed to get his eyes open, but by the time he did he wished he hadn’t shoved anyone, because he wasn’t being slammed against a wall by Remus and Positivity, he was pressing himself against the arm of the couch and had just shoved Patton back into Roman and Logan.

“Sorry, I’m sorry!” Virgil cried, pulling his legs further back.

“It’s okay, kiddo,” Patton said with a smile. “There’s nothing to be scared of. We’re here, everything’s fine.”

Virgil’s throat closed up. “No,” he choked out. “No no no, everything is not fine, everything is not always fine!”

The three sides on the couch blinked at him, and Virgil tried to come up with something else to say.

“Sometimes things aren’t fine, sometimes things are awful and hurt and there’s nothing you can do about it,” Virgil snapped, which was definitely not the something else he wanted to say. “And stop saying that’s fine.”

“Okay, okay,” Patton said, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. Right, because Virgil had just snapped at him for no reason. “You have a really bad nightmare, kiddo?”

Virgil opened his mouth and stopped. Right, because now he was getting worked up over a stupid nightmare. “Sorry,” he muttered, tucking his knees into his chest and turning away. He was being unreasonable, it was just a dream.

“Hey, no, kiddo, that’s not what I meant,” Patton said. “Nightmares can seem very real, I’m the last side that would get on your case for something like that. It’s alright if they’re scary sometimes.”

Logan nodded from where he’d moved to Patton’s left. “It is of course alright to be scared sometimes,” he said. “Especially since that is already part of your job. We merely wanted to know if you are alright.”

Virgil paused. He looked up at the three of them and bit his lip, wondering if this was a stupid idea or even fair to them. “And what if I’m not?”

Patton smiled just a little. “Then that is alright, kiddo. Gosh, bad nightmare, huh?”

Virgil nodded slowly. It wasn’t really about the nightmare, but he wasn’t going to tell them that.

“Come here?” Patton opened his arms, moving back to where he’d been sitting on the couch before.

Virgil considered the idea for a second, but was too quickly bombarded with images of bandaging of his wounds and whispers of how worthless he was while being hugged against someone cold.

Virgil shook his head and curled up against the arm of the couch again, wishing he hadn’t seen the slightly disappointed look in Patton’s eyes. He took a couple of deep breaths and held out his hand towards Patton, who took it and gently squeezed it with no comment.

When Virgil fell asleep again the nightmares were gone.

Virgil hadn’t expected to miss Janus and Remus as much as he did. He probably should have. He still saw them at dinnertime, because Janus made three meals and leaving the room would just be rude, but now it was like a switch had been flipped in his brain, and he could never tell if they sounded irritated when they asked him to do things anymore. Excuses had become his normal go-to solution, and he was now wondering how strange it seemed to Janus and Remus that he was suddenly much busier than he’d been for… most of his life.

He was using the videos getting longer as a reason, trying to pretend as if he wanted to spend all of his time dealing with shit like Roman whining about being original, like they had done this past week. But unfortunately, a side effect of not seeing Janus and Remus as often meant that his only non-violent interactions came from them, or Misery. And suffice to say, they were preferable, meaning that Virgil was almost starting to… care? Enough, anyway, that after the next video, when Logan told him that he didn’t mind his company, Virgil planned on spending the rest of the day in his room figuring out his feelings on that particular subject, and why they didn’t stop and start with “Whatever, I don’t need approval from The Man.”

Spending his time alone in his room had a different side effect, though, that being that most of his visitors were intending to bring him harm, which was just a lovely sentiment to have to deal with all the time. When the sides at the door were either Remus or Janus inviting him to do something, Virgil had to work just a little harder not to flinch than he used to. Of course, that didn’t mean he didn’t take them up on their offers. If they offered, that meant they wanted him around, right?

Remus seemed to think so, if the way he’d spent the last hour looking up at Virgil and asking for approval was any indication.

“I don’t… really get the flaming chickens,” Virgil admitted, glancing back over.

“What do you mean you don’t get them? They’re the emotional backbone of the whole painting!” Remus exclaimed, waving his arms as if to show his exasperation.

“I don’t know, why are you asking me? Since when am I good at this stuff?” Virgil said. “Janus is better at this than I am!”

“Janus is busy,” Remus whined.

Virgil swallowed, trying to decide if that meant he was only here because Janus was unavailable.

“Besides, what rule is there saying I can’t get help from you if I want it, huh?”

“There’s not a rule,” Virgil said, crossing his arms. “I dunno, I just… it’s fine. I’m here. But I still don’t get the flaming chickens.”

“Ugh, you just don’t understand fine art.”

“I definitely don’t, but I don’t think that’s the only problem here.”

“Rude,” Remus said, even as he started grinning. Virgil smiled a little back, and leaned back on the desk chair he was sitting on as Remus went back to painting his chickens.

Virgil ended up staying there until dinnertime, when Janus appeared in the doorway calling Remus’ name, then gave Virgil a look of surprise when he noticed him. Virgil wasn’t sure what that meant, but all Janus ended up doing was telling them both dinner was ready and heading back out towards the kitchen again.

Remus picked up the rest of paint he’d been using with a remark that he was going to add it to his dinner, which was definitely potentially harmful in numerous ways, and Virgil grabbed the paint can before he could make it past the door.

“What— aw, Virgey, come on!”

“Nope. I’m not going to let you eat something that could actually be hazardous to your health, I’d be a failure as Anxiety. Now come on, let’s go eat.”

Virgil set the paint back down by the easel and almost missed Remus’ grumble of “You’re no fun.”

He hesitated as he stood again, trying to decide whether or not Remus was actually upset, but he bounded out of the room and towards the kitchen before Virgil could reach a conclusion. He sighed and stepped out to head that direction himself, but as soon as he crossed the threshold for Remus’ room, a hand wrapped around his arm and yanked him to the side, away from the kitchen, and into Cruelty’s room.

Well, he supposed that answered questions about who had grabbed him.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Cruelty snapped, slamming Virgil back against a wall. Virgil had half a second to try and figure out what exactly that meant before Cruelty kept talking. “We did tell you, did we not, that you needed to stop dragging everyone down?”

“I was supposed to go eat dinner—” Virgil wheezed.

“Oh you’re gonna show up a little late tonight,” Cruelty hissed, digging his nails into the cuts that had been left by Pride yesterday. Virgil pulled in a little gasp, which unfortunately Cruelty heard. He started to smile, which was never a good sign.

“Fine,” he spat out to try and counter. “You want to explain to Deceit and the Duke why I’m late, you be my guest.”

“Shut your mouth or I’ll cut it off, you whiny little pest,” Cruelty snapped.

“Yeah, because that won’t tell anyone something’s wrong.”

Cruelty grabbed a knife from a nearby table, stuck it in one of the cuts he’d torn open, and twisted. Virgil couldn’t help the scream that came out that time, and the way it made Cruelty laugh didn’t feel any better.

Before Cruelty could try anything else, a loud knock came from what sounded like Remus’ room next door.

“Anxiety?” Janus called. “Are you coming?”

Cruelty sighed in irritation. “Wait here.”

He yanked the knife from Virgil’s arm and sunk out, and Virgil screamed through his teeth, which he could do while he wasn’t there. He was about to try and sink out to his own room when Cruelty started talking outside.

“Yeah, Anxiety told me he was tired and going to bed. What, he didn’t tell you that?”

Janus sighed in obvious irritation. “No, he apparently doesn’t seem to think we deserve to know what’s going on in his life anymore.”

“Man, sounds like he’s been a real dick lately. I always knew there was something wrong with him. I can talk to him if you want.”

“No, don’t worry about it. I’ll put his food in the fridge, he’ll probably wake up hungry in the middle of the night. Thanks anyway.”

The footsteps shortly after probably meant Janus was walking away. A second after that, Cruelty reappeared in the room, beaming, which was never a good sign.

“Well,” he said. “I guess we don’t have to talk for the next couple hours then.”

Virgil swallowed. Don’t scream. He could limit how long this lasted if he didn’t scream. He took a deep breath, held it, and squeezed his eyes shut as Cruelty swung another knife towards him.

…

Misery was already waiting in Virgil’s bedroom by the time he got there, and Virgil couldn’t find it in him to be surprised or fight back anymore. His entire body was aching and sore, and even though he knew he shouldn’t, he wanted Misery’s fake tenderness and to not have to worry about bandaging these wounds himself. He wasn’t even sure if he could have managed it properly.

“Oh, Anxiety, what were you thinking?” Misery said quietly. “I already told you, all you do for Deceit and the Duke is drag them down. Why would you think they’d want to spend time with you?”

A list of protests that Virgil didn’t have energy to name ran through his head, but in the end he just kept quiet as Misery wrapped a bandage around his arm.

“You couldn’t tell that they were just asking because they pity you?” Misery asked. “You always have been rather slow, Anxiety, but I would have thought that was obvious.”

Was it? Virgil didn’t think they pitied him. He would have given them a long angry lecture about why he didn’t need pity if he got even an ounce of the feeling that they pitied him.

“They just feel bad for you because no one else cares for you,” Misery said. “And you keep taking advantage of that. I thought you didn’t want to do that.”

Virgil didn’t have anything to say to that. He hadn’t thought he was taking advantage of anything.

“You just need to try a little harder, that’s all,” Misery said. “It’s not hopeless, despite so much being wrong with you already.”

Virgil tried to stamp down the way his spirits lifted slightly at the idea of it being “not hopeless.” That being a nice idea wasn’t a good thing, even though he couldn’t really seem to remember why right now.

“Now let me finish here, alright? And maybe you should take some time to yourself tomorrow. Try and figure things out. Okay?”

Virgil managed a slight nod, and Misery smiled. “There you go, I knew you’d understand. Hang on, I’m almost done. Then I’ll leave you alone like someone as worthless as you deserves, okay sweetheart?”

…

Roman could be a bit much sometimes. Virgil had told him this mostly through insults, and to be honest, he wasn’t sure how to do so otherwise. Roman could just be so eccentric, and energetic, and… loud. Very, very loud. An unfortunate (or was it? He still couldn’t really be sure) side effect of that was that Virgil tended to ignore him on days that his anxiety was worse.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t really do so this morning with the way Roman made his entrance.

He was downstairs in the kitchen, and it was early enough in the morning that he was still half-asleep and trying to inhale some coffee.

He drank about three cups while listening to Patton chatter on about the plans for the day, and Logan cutting in with remarks about how Thomas should really be more focused on the things he had to get done than Patton was currently suggesting. Virgil was beginning to smile at the back and forth and starting to wake up just a little from the coffee when the door opened very suddenly.

“Good morning to all!” Roman called loudly, and Virgil hissed and leapt up from his chair, moving behind it like it could shield him from anything Roman could try to do.

“Morning, Roman,” Patton said, glancing over at Virgil. “Maybe lower the volume a bit, kiddo?”

“Ah, yes, yes,” Roman said, moving over to make one of the cinnamon raisin bagels that he loved. “Anyway, I hope you all haven’t made plans for the day yet, because I am taking us all on an adventure in the Imagination!”

“Well, actually kiddo, we did have some plans set aside for—”

“It won’t take long!” Roman called, waving Patton’s concerns off. “It’s not an all-day adventure, we’ll be back by lunch!”

Patton exchanged a glance with Logan, who shrugged.

“Well, I suppose that’s okay with us, kiddo,” he said. “Virgil?”

Virgil swallowed and moved to sit on his chair again. “What’s going to happen on the adventure?”

“Oh, I can’t tell you that,” Roman said, rolling his eyes. “It would ruin the whole point of this being an adventure.”

“Roman I… don’t want to deal with any surprises today,” Virgil muttered, pulling on his hoodie strings. “Is there going to be any danger or like, loud noises or something?”

Roman threw his hands up. “Maybe! I don’t know, but I really think you’re missing the point of an adventure! I worked hard on this one, okay? Do you think you could be ready after lunch instead?”

“I don’t know,” Virgil snapped. “Look, I just don’t know if today is the day, Princey. It’s not my fault you’re terrible at picking days where I’m not anxious.”

“Okay, kiddos, let’s take a breath,” Patton said, stepping forward in between Roman and Virgil. “Roman, it’s not Virgil’s fault if today is a bad anxiety day. And Virgil, Roman did say he worked pretty hard on this, and we can appreciate that even if today isn’t the day we end up doing it, okay?”

“Well, it’s not my fault that we just got up and Virgil’s already ruining the fun,” Roman said, crossing his arms. “I’m not the one with something wrong with them.”

“Roman!” Patton called.

Virgil stood up before anyone could say anything else and walked out of the room, ignoring Patton calling after him. He opened the door to his room and slammed it after him, appreciating the way it banged loud enough to definitely be heard throughout the house.

He leaned back against it after it closed and slid down to the floor, stopping himself before he did something stupid and pathetic like cry.

God, of course Roman was the one to think there was something wrong with him. How had he not seen this coming?

But why was it his fault if he didn’t want to go on an adventure today? He couldn’t control when his anxiety acted up, and why should he care how hard Roman worked?

…Okay, maybe that part was a little unfair. But it didn’t mean there was something wrong with him! Hadn’t they done a whole video about that? Had Roman just been lying?

Virgil scoffed and set his head on his knees. Wouldn’t be the first time someone had done that.

About ten minutes had passed when he heard a knock on his door. “Virgil?”

Roman.

“Virgil? Virgil, I’m sorry.”

Virgil stood up and cracked the door, glaring out of it. Roman was standing on the other side, looking guilty.

“I’m sorry,” Roman said again.

Virgil opened the door further and crossed his arms, looking down at his shoes.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Roman continued. “It’s not your fault if your anxiety is acting up.”

“Did Patton make you come up here?” Virgil mumbled.

“Patton told me off in the kitchen, but I came up here on my own. I’m sorry, Virgil. I was very excited for the adventure I had planned, I’d worked really hard on it, and I got upset when you said you wouldn’t be up for it. But it wasn’t fair to take that out on you.”

“Yeah, well,” Virgil muttered, crossing his arms. “Sorry there’s so much wrong with me.”

There was a moment of silence, and Virgil almost looked just to see what Roman’s face was like.

“Hey, Stormcloud. It’s okay to have flaws.”

Virgil looked up. “Huh?”

“I mean, I don’t think it could fairly be said that your anxiety is a flaw if that’s your whole job, but it’s okay to not be perfect. Flaws don’t make one unworthy of love.” Roman tipped his head, looking curiously at him. “Has Patton never given you that speech?”

“Uh.”

“Well, he should then. Because it’s true. He gives it to me often enough whenever I forget that I don’t have to be perfect. Even if there’s something wrong with you, we still love you, Stormcloud.”

Virgil blinked.. “…Oh.” He looked down again. “What makes you different?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I don’t… nothing. I don’t mean anything. I… thanks, Roman. I needed to hear that.” He glanced up. “I think I could probably do the adventure tomorrow, if I could spend today with some more relaxing activities.”

Roman beamed. “Really?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to let it go to waste if you put a lot of hard work into it.”

Roman somehow smiled even wider, and bounced a little on his feet in excitement. Virgil thought for a moment that he might do it just to see Roman excited like that.

“Oh, excellent!” Roman cried. “I’ll tell Logan to clear the schedule tomorrow!”

He turned and was about to bound away when Virgil cut him off. “Hey, Princey.”

Roman turned back around. “Yes?”

Virgil took a deep breath to steady himself, then leaned forward and pulled Roman into a quick hug. He let go and pulled back second later. “Thanks.”

Roman blinked for a second in surprise, but then smiled again. “Of course, My Nightmare Before Christmas. I couldn’t leave you thinking you might have really angered me. I was only momentarily disappointed. But now I can look forward to tomorrow! Come, and let us have a Disney marathon for the ages!”

“Only if you stop talking like that.”

“I absolutely refuse to do so!”

Imprudence lived up to his function. Virgil never really spent a ton of time with him, his time was filled more by sides like Pride, Cruelty, and Malice, especially lately, since he didn’t really see much of Janus or Remus anymore. But even though he’d been seeing slightly more of Imprudence as of late, he was still surprised when he was grabbed by the arm by him after breakfast one morning, dragged through the mindscape, through Remus’ empty room, and into his side of the Imagination.

“We’re going on an adventure!” he said, grinning at Virgil in the manic way that never meant anything good.

“Wait, we’re what?” Virgil called, as Imprudence dragged them both towards a cliff. “Right now? Shouldn’t we wait and— oh, come on, who the hell am I talking to.”

Imprudence came to a stop at the top of the cliff and started bouncing on his toes a little, dangerously close to the edge. He grinned back at Virgil. “You’re going first.”

“I’m doing what?”

“Go on, it’ll be fun, I’m sure you won’t get hurt.”

“You can’t get hurt in the Imagination,” Virgil said, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, really? Well, you might be able to with this, since I made it, but go on anyway!”

“Wait, what? You don’t want to put on any safety equipment, or— oh god I keep forgetting who I’m talking to.”

“Go on!” Imprudence called, sounding more than a little irritated at this point. “Before I get annoyed with how much of a scaredy cat you’re being and just shove you!”

“I’m going!” Virgil cried, holding his hands up as he started towards the edge of the cliff. “Why the hell are we doing this anyway?”

“Oh, Malice said it might be fun, and then he threatened me if I didn’t take you here, so.”

“Wait, Malice said what?”

“Are you going or not?”

Virgil looked over the side of the cliff and swallowed, suddenly much more nervous than he would have normally been doing something in the Imagination. But Imprudence was standing behind him tapping his foot, and Virgil didn’t doubt his threat about pushing.

He looked over the side and found the first spot that seemed like it would be a good place for a foothold, and carefully put his foot there to test it. It held, and Virgil took a shaky breath and carefully moved over the side of the cliff, finding another foothold near the first one.

“Come on, pick up the pace, I want to climb too!” Imprudence whined, stamping his foot.

“I’m going, I’m going,” Virgil said, shifting down and to the right when he found more footholds there. He definitely didn’t move as quickly as Imprudence wanted if the irritated sighs from above him were anything to go by, but he suddenly wasn’t sure if he would make it out of this okay, so he was going to move as slow as his nerves would let him.

He’d almost made it all the way down the cliff before he couldn’t find a new place to put his hands. He tried a couple spots, but after the third place he tried crumbled under his foot, he moved back to where he’d been and took a couple breaths to stop the way his heart was racing in his chest.

“Anxiety!” Imprudence called from above him. “Come on, let’s get moving!”

“Give me a minute, I’m trying to find a place to go next!” Virgil called back up.

Imprudence groaned and started to nudge his foot towards Virgil. “Come on, let’s pick it up, I want to get to the next part of this thing!”

“There’s another part of—” Virgil started, but that was as far as he got before Imprudence kicked a little too hard at the rock his hand was holding onto, and it crumbled, and his hand slipped off.

Virgil cried out and scrambled for another part of the rock.

“Hey, that works!” Imprudence called, and shifted over and started kicking at his other hand.

“Imprudence!” Virgil screamed. “Stop it!”

“Let go then!” Imprudence said, knocking at the other rock until it crumbled. Virgil screamed and managed to grab onto another part of the cliff, holding on too tightly in a way that was definitely going to cut his hands, not that it would matter the next second anyway, because Imprudence kicked Virgil hard enough in the head that it pushed him downwards and his hands slid off of the cliff.

Virgil was in freefall for a terrifying second before he slammed into the ground.

He laid there for a second, blinking and waiting for the pain that was no doubt coming. It was a couple seconds later when everything started to ache, and Virgil started wheezing.

Imprudence landed on his feet on the ground next to him just after that. “Come on, get up,” he said, nudging Virgil with his foot.

“You hurt… my everything,” Virgil got out.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t realize that could happen,” Imprudence said, looking off into the distance. “So I have some deep sea diving next, how long do you need to be good?”

“I…” Virgil let out another breath that ended up coming out as a gasp.

“Oh come on, get up,” Imprudence said, leaning down and pulling Virgil up, and ignoring his cry of pain.

Virgil tried to take stock in between moments of being dragged along after Imprudence to judge how injured he was. Nothing felt broken. His wrist was hurting, but not that badly. It might have been sprained. His back was going to ache for a month, but otherwise, he didn’t think he’d fallen too far to do any real damage.

Imprudence stopped running, and Virgil stumbled to a stop behind him. In front of them now was a roaring ocean.

“Hey, Anxiety,” Imprudence said, looking back at him with the same manic grin from earlier. “You want to see who can hold their breath for longer?”

…

By the time Virgil made it back to his room that night he was thoroughly exhausted, and when he saw Misery sitting on his bed with a first aid kit, he quickly decided that every part of his body ached too much to do anything other than walk over and sit down to let Misery look him over.

“Hmm, so I hear you and Imprudence had an adventure today,” Misery said, sounding more amused than anything else. “You really should have been more careful, Anxiety, you know no one’s going to care if you get hurt.”

Virgil winced as Misery started rubbing antibiotic ointment on one of the open cuts he’d gotten from scraping on a tree branch.

“I mean, why else would Remus and Janus do dangerous things in the Imagination with you all the time? You have always hated them after all. They just don’t care if you get hurt. Which is perfectly fair of them, you do get hurt all the time after all. You’re the only one who doesn’t seem to be used to it.”

Virgil probably would have said some form of apology there if he’d had the energy to move. Misery lifted up the back of his shirt to start applying bruise cream to his back, and Virgil winced at the pain and started shivering at Misery touching so much bare skin, which just made him even colder.

“It’s about time you should adapt to this, you know,” Misery said. “It’s not like your life is going to get any better. You don’t deserve it, sweetheart.” Misery pulled his shirt back down and finally moved to pull Virgil into his chest. “You know that, right? You know you deserve everything you get?”

Misery was quiet for long enough that he must have been expecting an answer, so Virgil mustered up enough energy to nod.

“Well, that’s good at least,” Misery said, running a hand through Virgil’s hair. “Anxiety, you just have to adapt. You’ll get used to it eventually. It’ll be okay.”

It won’t, it would not be okay, there was no way it would ever be okay again.

“Now how about you get some sleep? I think I’ll stay here tonight, you might need some help tomorrow.”

Virgil wanted to protest, he’d never done that before, but before he could even decide if he really wanted to try, Misery was shifting them both back down onto the bed and pulling the covers over them. Not that they did much good, Misery still made everything so cold.

The combination of cold and exhaustion meant it took a while before Virgil fell asleep, and by the time he got there he was still miserable, no doubt helped along by his company.

…

Misery being the one to shake Virgil awake meant that he woke up still exhausted. He checked all of the bandages he’d put on Virgil last night as if he expected anything to change, then headed out, and Virgil realized that another reason he might be so tired is because it was six in the morning. He collapsed back into bed and was about to sleep for another six hours when another body landed on top of his.

Virgil tensed up and was about to brace himself, but instead whoever it was just pulled him into a hug. “Virgil!” Remus cried. “You’re not sleeping late today, we’re going on an adventure!”

Virgil plopped his head onto his pillow. “No,” he groaned.

“Scare bear,” Remus whined, squirming around until he could look Virgil in the eyes. “I never see you anymore. Malice said you’re free today, and he sees you more than I do now for some reason, so that means you are free, right?”

Something in Virgil’s chest got so cold for a second he wondered if Misery was still in the room. “Malice said what?”

“He said you’re free! He said Imprudence needed you yesterday but now you’re free. Are you free? Come have fun with me! We can blow stuff up!”

Virgil swallowed. “I— I don’t—” He stopped and looked at Remus. He looked so hopeful and excited, in a way that meant there was no chance he was forcing himself to do this. Virgil couldn’t imagine why Remus had decided he wanted to hang out with him, but he had missed him so much…

“Okay,” Virgil said finally.

Remus lit up. “Really?”

“Yeah. Just let me eat some breakfast first, okay?”

“Okay! Hang on, I’ll ask Janny to make some more eggs, he’s making me some right now!”

“Wait you don’t have to burden him with—” Virgil started, but Remus sank out before Virgil could finish. He sighed and rubbed at his eyes, sat up in bed, and stretched. He was going to need some coffee.

He was planning to head out to the kitchen to eat, but he took a longer time to get dressed than expected due to how exhausted he was, and before he could Remus reappeared in his room holding a plate of eggs and a cup of coffee.

“Come on, let’s go!” he called, shoving them at Virgil and nearly spilling both of them everywhere.

“Jesus, hang on,” Virgil said, grabbing them both and setting them down on the desk. “It’s 6:30, Remus, I’m not normally up at this time.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’re boring,” Remus said, flopping back on Virgil’s bed. “Hurry up and eat!”

“I’m working on it,” Virgil said, waving him off as he started shoveling eggs into his mouth. He finished them fairly quickly, then drank the lukewarm mug of coffee in one go and set both dishes back down on his desk to wash later.

“Does that mean you’re done?” Remus called happily, leaping up from the bed.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Remus whooped in excitement and grabbed Virgil’s arm before sinking them both out and reappearing in his room, then dragged Virgil through the already-open door to the Imagination.

They ended up in a similar landscape to the last time they’d decided to blow things up, except instead of a city, they were met with an empty kingdom down below the cliff they were standing on.

“Look, he felt like he had to get rid of all the people for your sake,” Misery’s voice whispered in the back of his head.

Virgil shook himself and glanced back over to Remus, who was setting down a handful of various explosives near the edge of the cliff.

He didn’t like the cliff aspect at all, but if Remus had already made the kingdom empty, he wasn’t going to ask him to get rid of the cliff too. Virgil moved to the edge, trying to tense up his legs so their shaking wouldn’t be noticeable, and mostly succeeding. Enough that Remus didn’t seem to notice, anyway.

Remus turned back to face him and grinned, holding out a stick of dynamite that he’d lit. “You want first dibs?”

Virgil smiled a little despite himself and took the dynamite, then hurled it towards the castle down below, watching some of the materials get blown high enough into the air that Virgil hurled a grenade at one of them and shattered it further.

By the time they managed to destroy most of the castle and a couple other buildings, Virgil’s fear had faded a little bit, and he was starting to laugh.

Remus was laughing too, and clearly having a great time, and that alone might have made this whole thing worth it.

The last tower of the castle was destroyed by one of Remus’ throws, and once again one of the pieces flew up. It was a little closer to the edge, and Virgil opened his mouth to remark to Remus to leave that one alone, but Remus had already hurled a grenade, and the larger piece exploded into slightly smaller pieces.

One of which hit the cliff right under where Virgil was standing. The ground he was standing on went with it, and Virgil fell over the side, towards the kingdom below.

Okay, okay, breathe. He’d be fine. He’d never gotten hurt in the Imagination before— at least until yesterday. But Imprudence had built that stuff, Remus was better about that, he wouldn’t…

Unless Misery was right. Unless Remus didn’t care about him getting hurt. Oh god, how far away was the ground—

Virgil landed badly on his ankle. He heard a snap that definitely wasn’t good, and pulled in a gasp as he once again waited for the pain to hit.

Much faster than Imprudence had yesterday, Remus landed on the ground next to him. Like Imprudence, however, he didn’t seem too concerned.

“Dang it, Virgey, why’d you have to fall? It’s gonna take us a while to get back up there—” Virgil couldn’t stop the pained gasp that came out as his ankle started throbbing, and Remus stopped talking instantly.

“Wait. Wait, are you actually hurt? Holy shit, Virgil!” Remus dropped to the ground next to him, and Virgil tried weakly to move away.

“Oh shit, what— how— Virgil I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize that could happen! Here, let me look—”

“Get away,” Virgil said, pushing weakly against Remus.

“Hang on, hang on, let me—” He felt Remus’ hands on his ankle, surprisingly gentle, and a second later something there snapped back into place.

Virgil shifted immediately and scrambled backwards.

“Are you okay?” Remus asked instantly.

“Get away!” Virgil cried, still moving backwards. Eventually he pushed himself up and stumbled back a couple more steps, keeping Remus in his line of sight just in case.

“Virgil, I’m just trying to—”

“Get away from me!” Virgil screamed, his voice amplifying as the heartbeat in his chest picked up. “Get away!”

He finally realized he could just sink out before Remus came over here to hurt him in some other way, and did that, ending up back in his bedroom. He scrambled over to the door and locked it, then back over towards his bed and pressed himself against the wall in between his bed and his nightside table.

Breathe, breathe, breathe. You’re alone, you’re fine, breathe.

Misery was right. Virgil couldn’t be surprised by getting hurt anymore. He normally made it to around breakfast before someone had some kind of idea for how he should spend the next half of his day in pain, and then wasted no time on making their idea a reality. Usually it was Cruelty or Pride, which was better than the alternative. Virgil at least knew how to handle them. The problem came when it wasn’t them, and it was Malice instead.

Malice wasn’t anything like Cruelty or Pride. He liked to cause pain in the same way, but there was no easy way out in getting boring, like for Cruelty, or giving him what he wanted, like for Pride. Malice wanted to cause the most pain possible, and he had long learned how to tell if he was actually affecting Virgil or not. Meaning that on days like this morning, when Malice showed up right after he finished eating, Virgil could never be sure what to expect other than the fact that it would be bad.

“Anxiety,” Malice said, his tone sounding the kind of light that it did when he was feeling anything but. “Good morning.”

Virgil swallowed. “Good morning, Malice.”

“No Deceit and the Duke today?” Malice said casually, in a way that meant he knew exactly what had happened with Remus. His smirk in the next second just confirmed that. “I assume you’re just rightfully scared they’ll hurt you again.”

Virgil winced and looked down at the pile of dirty dishes that had started to grow on his desk. “Please stop.”

“Oh, Anxiety, why would I do that when seeing you so miserable is my favorite part of the day!”

Virgil wasn’t sure what Malice wanted right now, or whether leaving or staying was a better idea. Probably better to just hear him out. He’d definitely piss him off if he left.

“I mean, just look at you,” Malice said, sounding thoroughly amused. “Unwanted, alone, unloved.”

“Deceit and the Duke love me,” Virgil muttered.

Malice gave a huff of laughter. “Do they now? Despite the fact that they don’t want to spend time with you and don’t care if you get hurt? Despite the fact that you only drag them down?”

Virgil didn’t reply, but Malice must have seen something that convinced him he meant it, because the next second he stopped talking, and when Virgil looked up his gaze hardened. He sunk out, but Virgil wasn’t stupid enough to think he wouldn’t be back. Sure enough, half a minute later he showed up and grabbed Virgil roughly by the arm, then sunk them both out this time. They reappeared in a room Virgil had never been in before, though the instant cold that seeped right down into his bones gave him a pretty good idea of whose room it was.

Malice dropped Virgil off with little ceremony and sunk back out himself, and Virgil got about two seconds to brace himself before he was lifted up by Misery in the same gentleness as always. Virgil started shivering the second Misery touched him.

“Oh, Anxiety,” Misery said, sounding very disappointed in a way that should not be affecting Virgil as much as it already was. He tsked and shook his head. “Malice is right. You know they don’t really love you, right?”

Virgil wasn’t sure where in the world he found the strength, but he pushed back against Misery’s chest enough that he stumbled back a step.

Misery sighed and pulled Virgil back in with almost no effort. “I’m serious, sweetheart. They don’t love you.”

“Stop,” Virgil got out.

“Why is that so hard to believe? They don’t like spending time with you, they don’t care when you’re hurt, they know you just drag them down, why would they love you despite all of that?”

Virgil shook his head and pushed against Misery again, despite having much less energy than before. “They— th-they do,” he stammered through his teeth starting to chatter.

Misery sighed, and took Virgil gently by the shoulders, leading him over to the bed. “Okay, sweetheart, we’re going to have to have a talk about this.” He sat them both down and held Virgil at arm’s length, looking him in the eyes. “When people love you, they want to be around you, and they care about you being okay. Right?”

Virgil didn’t reply.

“Right, Anxiety?”

He nodded.

“So logically, if those things aren’t true for Deceit or the Duke, that means they don’t love you.”

Virgil winced. “B-but they—”

“Don’t. Love you. I mean, think about it, Anxiety, how often do they even tell you they care about you?”

“Well—” Virgil started, but Misery cut him off by squeezing his shoulders tighter.

“They don’t, do they?”

Well, they didn’t, but that didn’t necessarily mean they didn’t love him. Janus and Remus just weren’t the kind of people who liked saying that kind of stuff out loud. Janus was Deceit for Pete’s sake, and Remus was… Remus. They weren’t exactly the type to show affection through their words. He wasn’t either. But that didn’t mean they didn’t care about him… did it?

“But th-th-they…”

“Anxiety,” Misery said softly. “Have I been wrong before?”

Virgil sniffed. “But—”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Misery said, pulling Virgil down to his chest. “It’s okay. I know it’s hard when no one cares about you. But you’ve just got to accept that that’s the way things are. Okay?”

Virgil tried one last time to push himself off of Misery, but he was weak and cold and, well, miserable at that point, so Misery easily held on to him. “I’m sorry that no one loves you, Anxiety,” he said. “But I keep telling you, this is what you deserve. Why do you refuse to accept this?”

Virgil sniffed again. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be, sweetheart,” Misery whispered. “This would all be so much easier if you just did what you’re told.”

Virgil couldn’t find it in him to reply anymore, and instead put what little he had left towards not crying in front of Misery. He wasn’t going to do that, even if his eyes were already burning.

“We’re gonna stay here for a little while, okay Anxiety?”

It was a question, but Virgil definitely didn’t have a choice in the matter. The second Misery pulled him to his chest he started shivering harder, and then he laid them both down on the bed and pulled the covers over them, which definitely didn’t help matters.

Virgil drew his arms close to his chest in a definitely doomed way to try and get warm. This wasn’t going to end anytime soon.

Virgil thought about Cruelty, and besting him by being boring, Pride, and besting him by doing what he wants. Neither of those strategies would work with Misery. Maybe Misery was the most similar to Malice. Maybe all Virgil could do was wait it out and let him do what he wants. Or maybe it could go faster if he just agreed with what Misery said.

It’s not like he was ever wrong anyway.

…

It was the middle of the night and Virgil needed water. He managed to drag himself out of bed and towards the door, pressed his ear to it and listened for noise outside. Sometimes Cruelty stayed up late to try and get a jump on him, though he didn’t really expect anything tonight. When his suspicions were rewarded and he didn’t hear anything, Virgil nudged the door open and headed into the kitchen.

He filled a glass of water and started to drink it when a familiar voice sounded from behind him.

“Ah, so you are still alive.”

Virgil spit out most of the water in his mouth and choked on what was left, which ended in a coughing fit and setting the glass down on the counter so it didn’t spill. He finished coughing and stood back up, but didn’t turn around again at first.

“Are you alright, Virgil?” Janus asked, though he sounded more irritated than anything else.

Virgil winced and finally turned. Janus was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen with a tired expression. Virgil wrapped his arms around his middle and nodded.

Janus sighed and moved over towards the cabinet, grabbing a cup which meant he was probably here for the same reason Virgil was.

“I’m shocked you’re not fleeing the room at the sight of me,” Janus said, shooting a glance over his shoulder as he filled the glass up with water at the sink. “Aren’t you putting all your energy into avoiding Remus and I lately?”

Virgil flinched again and started pulling on his hoodie strings. “Do you—” he started, and stopped.

Janus turned and raised an eyebrow. “Do I what?”

“Do you hate me?” Virgil blurted.

Janus stared at him. A second later, he sighed. “Why of course, Virgil. I’ve never hated anyone more in my life,” he said, and Virgil felt something in his chest snap in half.

Janus apparently wasn’t done, though. “We just want to know what’s going on with you,” he said. So that was it? Virgil had ruined everything just by not being around as often? Was that really all it took?

“We never see you anymore,” Janus continued. “Is something wrong? Has something changed? Is this about the core sides?”

Virgil stared at Janus in bafflement. “What?” What in the world did the core sides have to do with anything?

“Well, forgive me for thinking what I think, Virgil,” Janus said, throwing his hands up. “You’re spending all of your time with either them or the others. I can certainly understand wanting to be liked by Thomas and the core sides, I just…” Janus sighed and looked off to the side. There was a pregnant pause where Virgil tried to figure out what the hell was going on in Janus’ head. He didn’t get anywhere.

Finally, he just sighed and looked back at Virgil. “Look, if this is what you want, then fine. Just don’t expect Remus and I to wait around if you’re not going to put in the same effort.”

Virgil blinked quickly. He wasn’t going to start crying. The only thing worse than crying in front of Misery would be crying in front of Janus. “Okay,” he whispered. “Fine. You won’t have to spend time around someone you hate anymore.”

Janus let out a much harsher sigh, clearly irritated. “Now that’s not fair, Virgil.”

Virgil flinched. “I know. I’m sorry.” He grabbed his cup and dumped the rest of the water into the sink, then sunk back out to his room.

He definitely wasn’t going to be able to sleep for the rest of the night.

The Subconscious was not a place Virgil frequented.

Well to be fair, it wasn’t a place any side frequented, really, given what happened to a side when they ended up there. The Subconscious came with a nice little “go in there and you stop affecting Thomas” side effect. But Virgil was desperate.

Normally, in a situation where everyone tried to gang up on him at once, he’d go find Janus or Remus and ask if he could accompany them on whatever they were doing at the current moment. But that obviously wasn’t an option anymore. And Virgil had to go somewhere they were the least likely to follow.

Like here. The Subconscious itself could end up like a twisted version of the Imagination, where any side could twist and shape it the way they wanted, but the more they did so, the more likely they were to get stuck there. It was for this reason that Virgil didn’t create anything to hide behind. Well, that and the fact that it would be an obvious sign that someone was here anyway. If they ended up here, he was already screwed no matter what. He’d just have to try and wait it out, and breathe. Breathing would probably be helpful. If he focused on that he could ignore his instincts that were screaming at him to make a bookshelf, a big rock, a wall, anything to hide behind.

He was fine. He’d be fine. Why would they come in here? They wouldn’t. They knew how dangerous it was. They couldn’t be that mad, right? He didn’t even know what he’d done.

Footsteps stormed past the door back to the mindscape. Virgil tensed and buried his head in his knees until they passed.

See? Fine, you’re fine, they’re gone now, they’re…

Coming back. Virgil jerked his head up and scrambled backwards, as if that would do anything. The footsteps stopped outside of the door, there was a second of sickening silence, and then it slammed open.

Virgil screamed and threw his hands up in front of his face on instinct.

“So you came in here,” Malice said, not sounding at all happy with that fact. “You sneaky little pest.”

Virgil started scrambling backwards, but he didn’t make it farther than a couple feet before Malice stormed across the room and hoisted him upright, then threw him across the empty space. He landed hard on his back.

“Oh, you found Anxiety!” came Positivity’s cheerful voice from the doorway.

“Positivity,” Malice said. “Be a dear and make some chains, would you?”

“You don’t think I’ll get stuck here?” Positivity asked.

“Not for something that small,” Malice said, waving his hand dismissively.

Positivity seemed to accept this. “Alrighty then! One set of chains for our lovely little torture victim, coming right up!”

Virgil jumped up to try and make a break for the door, but before he could make it more than a step Positivity waved his hand with a beaming grin and chains wrapped themselves around Virgil’s arms, then pulled him back down towards the floor.

“I can just make these disappear!” Virgil spat, doing just that.

Positivity waved his hand and the chains reappeared.

“Oh please, be my guest,” Malice said. “You’ve been in here longer than us, if you want to risk getting stuck here, I’m not going to stop you.”

Virgil yanked experimentally on the chains, but they weren’t actually attached to anything that existed, which meant they just went far down into the nothingness surrounding them and Virgil couldn’t make any leeway in that way.

“Where’s Pride? I thought that idiot wanted first dibs,” Malice said, turning back to face Positivity.

“He’ll be here soon! He wanted to get his favorite toys,” Positivity said.

Malice nodded slightly at that, and Virgil tried to steady his breathing. If Pride was coming, he needed to have a lot of air to be able to scream.

Pride arrived in the doorway a couple minutes later, holding his favorite set of knives and what looked like Remus’ morningstar, which was definitely a mistake. Remus was going to be pissed when he found out it was missing.

“You left me the good parts, right?” Pride asked, setting down the morningstar and starting over towards Virgil.

“I did,” Malice said, looking down at his fingernails. “Remember to leave the face for Deceit and the Duke, though. Are they coming or not?”

Virgil’s blood ran cold. He was pretty sure he wasn’t going to have air to scream enough.

“Yeah, they’re coming,” Pride groaned, looking back over his shoulder. “Why do they get to play with his face, they’ve never done this before!”

“Did you know the face is the most sensitive part of the body?” Positivity called.

“Did you want first dibs or not?” Malice asked, crossing his arms.

Pride grumbled something and flipped his knife around. Virgil tensed and leaned backwards as he approached. Pride flipped the knife around once in his hand and moved Virgil’s hoodie and shirt sleeve up along his arm before stabbing the now exposed skin of his forearm and twisting.

Virgil managed a scream. He tried to let as much pain as possible come through. Even if Malice or Positivity saw through his act, if they brought it up to Pride he was more likely to get defensive, so it was still probably the safest option.

He had no idea what he was going to do if Remus and Janus really did show up. He probably wouldn’t have to fake anything at that point.

Pride’s grin when he managed to look him in the face again at least meant that Virgil was doing the first step right. Pride kept going on the same arm for a while, which meant his screams were proving enough for him to be satisfied.

Eventually, though, Pride moved on to the torso, and Virgil was familiar enough with knife movements at this point to recognize that Pride was carving a word across it. It was probably something stupid like his name. Virgil found strength enough to scream and thrash for part of it, and whimper for the rest, but by the time Pride finished there, he was out of energy, and Pride must have been noticing, because he was standing back and looking at Virgil in irritation.

“What, is this not enough for you?” he snapped. “You know I can do worse.” He reached forward and grabbed Virgil’s chin, yanking it up towards his face. Before Virgil could reply in any way, Pride moved the knife up under his eyes and started slicing, and suddenly Virgil had the energy to scream again.

That only lasted a couple seconds, though, before Malice came forward and yanked Pride backwards. “What part about ‘leave the face for Deceit and the Duke’ did you not understand?!”

“He was being boring!” Pride complained. “That’s a challenge, the rules change!”

“They absolutely do not. Go stand back there, you’re waiting for the others now.”

Pride grit his teeth, but Malice was not one to mess with, and it seemed even he knew that, because he stormed back over to stand next to Positivity and started grumbling.

Virgil was under no illusions that Pride being benched would mean he got a break, and he was proven right when Malice picked up a knife.

Okay. The safest thing here would be to keep up the illusion for Pride, lest he lose his only way out in the future. So when Malice took his injured arm and started scratching at or stabbing at already open wounds, Virgil managed to shriek and trash enough that Pride would probably buy this being how he reacted to all torture.

But Malice’s torture session lasted less time, because after a minute or so the door slammed open again, and everyone turned around. Virgil maneuvered his head over towards the door as much as he could, and there was Remus. Virgil stopped looking towards the door. He would definitely start crying otherwise.

“Where’s Deceit?” Malice asked in annoyance, and there was another note to his voice that Virgil probably could have figured out if he was less exhausted or in pain.

“Thomas and the core sides are in Anxiety’s room,” Remus said. There was a moment of silence as everyone seemed to collectively think they heard him wrong.

“What?” Virgil asked. “Why?”

“Shut up,” Malice said, digging the knife in a little deeper where it was placed without looking back at him. “What do you mean they’re in Anxiety’s room?”

“Deceit is looking for him. He says they’re there.”

Janus was looking for him? Wasn’t Janus on his way here to torture him or something?

“If Thomas is in Anxiety’s room and Anxiety doesn’t show up he’s going to get suspicious,” Pride remarked.

“I know that,” Malice snapped. He pinched his fingers together on the bridge of his nose and glared back up at Remus. “Go find Cruelty. Get the idiot’s eyeshadow.”

“My what?” Virgil asked.

“I said shut up,” Malice snapped, twisting the knife enough that Virgil whimpered. “Positivity, give me the first aid kit.”

Positivity bounced forward and pulled out a first aid kit that Virgil hadn’t noticed before. Remus headed back out of the room as Malice started wrapping various cuts on his arm, probably ones that would otherwise bleed through his clothes.

Remus and Cruelty showed up a couple minutes later with his makeup kit, and Malice moved to press some of the gauze under his eyes for a moment before checking the wounds again. They must have been dry enough, because he snatched the eyeshadow from the makeup kit and started applying more of it under his eyes.

“There,” Malice said, leaning back. “Can you tell he’s hurt?”

“I don’t think so,” Positivity said brightly. “And it’s not like he’s going to give it away, right?” He directed that part at Virgil.

“No, he’s not,” Malice said, looking back at Virgil. “You know what, I’ve actually grown far too tired of you heading off to hang out with the core sides all the time, so here’s what’s going to happen.” He nudged Positivity, who must have gotten what he meant, because he waved his hand and the chains attached to Virgil vanished. Virgil fell to the ground and stayed there for about half a second before Malice grabbed him by the arms and yanked him back upwards.

“You’re going to find an excuse to never go back there again. Tell them… tell them you ducked out.”

“What does that even mean—”

“I don’t know, figure it out!” Malice screamed, and Virgil flinched hard backwards. “You’re going to tell them that, and then you’re going to come back here, and we’re going to keep you here.”

“What—”

“Understand?”

“But—”

“Understand?” Malice said, digging his nails into a cut on Virgil’s arm. Virgil nodded.

“Good.” He yanked Virgil’s sleeve down and turned to shove him back towards the door to the mindscape. “Now go on.”

Virgil sprinted from the room, or as close to sprinting as he could get with how badly his legs were shaking, and slowed down slightly outside to give himself time to breathe. He could just appear in his room from anywhere, and it’s not like he was going to give Janus the pleasure of seeing him like this if that’s what he wanted so badly.

Breathe. Come on, you can do this. You do this all the time. It’s not like Thomas is going to treat you any differently this time. You know how this works. Just go and get this done, you can have your breakdowns later. Breathe. Try getting angry. That’s a good way to hide fear.

Virgil opened his eyes and took one last breath that he was impressed didn’t sound terribly shaky.

“Of course, it’s just like them to drag out a torture session by interrupting it,” Virgil muttered to himself. “This is all their fault, right?” He took another breath. Yeah, he could try that for a little while. There was at least one thing he really wanted to know either way. He could start with that.

Virgil took a breath, sunk down, and reappeared in front of the core sides and Thomas.

“What are you doing in my room?”

Chapter Two

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #angst #whump #my fic

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maggyme13 · 4 years

Text

The Alpha next door (3/?)

AN: Here is the third part. I hope it is easy to read, with all the convo in here,

So here it is! I hope you enjoy^^

Warnings: I don´t think so

Wordcount: around 2.5k

TAND-Masterlist

Masterlist

Part 2

The Alpha had left for his house soon after, but not without saving his number in her phone and checking the security of her house.

It was just afternoon the next day when she saw her car being parked in her driveway by the Alpha. A tow-truck was parked in the street.

“All good. Tires are new and I checked the whole engine.”, he rumbled handing over her keys.

“Thank you-”, she smiled, only now realizing she did not even know his name.

“Happy.”, he frowned in a way that showed he had just realized the same thing.

“I wanted to make some cake. Do you want some?”, she asked tensely. Overnight Millie had accepted her fate and planned to make the best out of her situation. First thing was to get to know the Alpha more.

“Either lemon or chocolate.”, she added.

“I take what I get.”, he answered with a smile tucking at his lips. His animal was pleased his chosen Mate wanted to care for him.

“Thank you for bringing my car over. I could have come and got it myself.”

“Had to do a test-ride either way. I will come over after work.”, he shrugged and waved goodbye.

In the end, she decided to make a chocolate cake, one of her favorites, and couldn´t resist eating a piece when it was still warm.

For dinner, she would eat leftovers from the day prior and Millie was just finished when the sound of an approaching motorcycle reached her ears.

“Here. I made a chocolate-cake. This is your half. I hope you like it.”, she smiled upon opening the door, “Do you want to come in?”

“No. Have to go back to the clubhouse. Thanks for the cake.”, and with that, he was gone again with the cake secured in one of his saddle-bags.

-.-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.-..-.--..-

The night was quiet and as much as she felt refreshed, that much she felt alone. She had awoken alone.

During the day, she caught herself checking if the Alpha had returned to his house. But he would not return for another four days.

And with every passing day, she felt more and more restless.

On the fourth day, she could not think straight. Three times she had to restart the commission she was working on. During lunch, she nearly cut off her finger trying to cook.

Well, takeout it is. There is no way I will risk losing a digit over food.

Deciding to order a large pizza tonno, some salad, and garlic bread she dialed the Pizzeria and readied the table.

Leftovers would be breakfast for the next day.

Nice food´s here!

Taking the money plus tip out of her wallet, she almost danced to the door.

“Thank you, you can kee-”, she beamed, “-p the rest. ...Happy?”

There in front of her stood the Alpha next door with her order on hand and a pointy look on her face.

“You are back… P-please, come in. How have you been? Other than angry I mean.”

“Told you to call if you need anything.”, he rumbled.

“Yes. My apologies. I did not think that included takeout as well.”, the Omega mumbled immediately looking to the floor, “I won´t do it again.”

A deep sigh left his chest.

“Where do you want the food?”

“Living-room please.”, she whispered making room for him to pass, only to follow at once.

His warm scent spread through her nose, lungs, and veins, clearing her foggy head in just minutes. She felt relieved and a contempt Purr left her chest.

A purr that did not get unnoticed by the Alpha.

“Missed me?”, he chuckled interested and Millie answered even before he had finished his question.

“Yes!”, she blushed, “I mean. It was strange. Nothing felt right. I could not think straight. Had to restart my commission three times today. Couldn´t sleep well either.”

“Mhm, sounds like with-drawl to me.”

“Maybe. Never had one.”, she mused,” But for now I am hungry. Do you want to stay and join me? I ordered enough for three days or two people.”

“Sure.”

“Then take a seat. We can watch TV if you like. Or talk.”

“TV´s fine.”

“Alright. I have some coke, sprite, or beer.”, she offered from the kitchen.

“Beer.”

“Thought as much. I bought a twelve-pack with different types.”, she explained offering two different bottles for him to chose. A stout and a light. He took the stout.

“Good?”

“Yes.”

“Happy to hear. What do you want to watch?”

“Don´t care.”, he shrugged.

“Me neither. Comedy?”

“Alright.”

And so they ate and watched a movie together.

In the end, Millie had leaned against his side and started to drift off into a slumber.

“You want me to leave?”, the Alpha asked when he noticed her state, even though his animal did not want to do so. Neither did he want the Omega to feel uneasy.

But it was already too late for the question, for she was already too deep in the dream world. He moved her, trying to wake her up, but nothing happened.

-..--..--..--..--..--..--..--..--..--..--..--..--..--.

The next time she awoke her pillow was moving and making a sound.

Must have left the TV on.

“Awake?”

That is not the TV

Sitting up with a start, she almost fell of the coach if it wasn´t for the Alpha´s arm around her back.

“I am sorry.”, she squeaked and he laughed.

“For someone who did not want me to let me go yesterday, you sure can´t get away fast enough today.”

His exclamation got her eyes huge in shock and cheeks red in embarrassment.

“I am so sorry. I hope I did not keep you from something important.”

“Just work.”, he grumbled, “Already took care of it.”

“I will call them and apologize.”, she spoke already looking for her phone.

“Omega, stop.”, he growled, ��I said I already took care of it! So leave it!”

His tone and the unknown situation made her freeze in submission, “I am sorry. How long was I asleep?”

“Sixteen hours.”, he mumbled, “Couldn´t wake you up. Decided to let you sleep. Looked like you needed it.”

“I- I could not sleep well the last nights. Guess you being here helped. Thank you.”

“Is fine. Tonight will be long enough.”, he hummed.

“Oh. Today is Friday, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then I think I will head out to the supermarket. Get some chips, popcorn, some soda and maybe chocolate. I am in the mood for a long movie-night.”

Can´t sleep either way probably.

“What movies?”

“Tolkien-verse or Harry Potter. Don´t know yet. Whatever I am in the mood in tonight for. You can join me later if you want.”

“Can´t we have guests at the clubhouse.”, he almost sighed.

“Alright. Can I go shopping on my own or do you want to join me?”, Millie asked not wanting to go against his will, again.

“I -”, he started but was interrupted by the ringing of his phone,” -Yeah? Not your concern where I am. Took the day off. Listen Tragger… What do you want?- Fine. Be there in two hours. -then tell that Gemma as well. - I don´t care!”, he growled.

“You have to go?”

“Yes, go shopping. Call if anything happens.”, Happy ordered.

“Sure. I can keep you updated. Send you a message when I am at the market, on my way back, and home.”, Millie stated,” Do you need anything ?”

“M´fine.”, he rumbled.

“I can make you something to eat before you need to go. I can only offer you cereal and toast at the moment though.”, she offered, “And I should have some coffee as well.”

“Thank you.”, the Alpha nodded in approval and she got up from her seat with a warm feeling, while feeling cold at the same time.

“Toast or cereal?”

“Toast´s fine.”

“Peanut-butter, cheese or sausage? Should be able to get some scrambled eggs with bacon ready as well if you like.”, she called out while leaning half into her refrigerator and squealed when he suddenly answered from right behind her.

“Coffee and toast is fine.”, he stated before laughing,” Sorry.”

“F-fine. I just did not hear you moving.”, she breathed with a hammering heart in her chest, “So coffee and toast it is.”

-..--..--.--..--..--..--..--.--..--.

The man of Meyham was not happy about being forced to help prepare the clubhouse for the visiting charter. That was the prospect's and croweaters' job after all. But seeing that he had stored a few of his weapons and ´toys´ in one of the spare rooms, he cleaned that room without any fuss.

“So, where have you been this morning?”, Tragger asked with an amusing smirk,” Does not sound like you calling in work. What were you doing? Or should I ask: Who were you doing?”

“Shut it Tragger! You are too noisy for your good.”

“I say that shy neighbor of yours. The one you went over and beyond to get the car ready.”, he continued, ducking out of the way in case the other Aloha would throw the knife he held in his hands.

“I said shut it!”, Happy growled instead,” And keep it shut!”

“So I am right. You were with your Omega neighbor. Got a bit possessive over her? Hey, not the first Alpha who does. Though you might let the others know. Heard a few of the others talk about that shy Omega whose tires got sliced.

“Mrpf.”

“Just telling ya. Gotta go though… Gemma asked for my help a while back and I want to piss her off as much as I want to piss off you.”

Happy was still thinking about what his brothers had just told him when his phone informed him about an incoming message.

* I am at the Store*, he read and smiled.

* Good. Be careful*, he answered.

* Sure, will do!*

The next message came nearly one and a half hours later: * On my way home now! Got you some more beer*

* Thank you.*

“Got a good message, brother?”, the Scotsman cheered beside him.

“And what if?”

“Ah, I don´t want to get on yer bad side. Ya just seem different since yer rut.”

“m´fine.”

“If you´re sure. I am fine with that. Just checking in.”

“Mrmh. Bobby in charge of the BBQ again?”, he asked instead of answering the Beta.

“Yes, Gemma prepared the meat with Tara´s help. Are you hungry?”, Chibs laughed.

“Yes.”

“Just ask one of the girls to fix ya a sandwich. They missed ya and were pretty broken when Tig returned claiming you were in rut and did not need their help.”

Happy just shrugged hearing that. He could not care less about their hurt feelings. His animal was only interested in one female now and felt disgusted by the thought of eating something a croweater had prepared.

Their scents had turned foul in his nose since his last rut.

“maybe.”, he nodded and left for the kitchen to see if he could find something in the fridge. He was followed by his brother´s eyes who shook his head in amusement.

He knew why his brother acted that way, he had once acted like that as well.

“Mr. Happy. What can I do for you?”, Chucky asked once the former had entered the kitchen.

“Looking for food. Is there any?”

“Yes. There are some bagels left. I will prepare you some.”

“Thanks.”

Happy had just gotten handed the bagel by Chucky, when the last-most important message- arrived on his phone.

*Back home. Just putting away the groceries. And then trying to choose a movie.*

*Let me know what you chose.*

*Why? Want to join me later? But sure. I just hope I can stay awake. *

* maybe*, he chuckled when answering her. Maybe once his brothers are dead-ass drunk, he can leave. But that would mean he had to stay sober as well. At least sober enough to ride.

The evening promised to become fun.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.

In the end, Millie decided to watch the Tolkien Hexalogy with fresh popcorn, soda, and self-made chocolate-covered fruits.

She had just finished the second Hobbit-movie and was preparing a huge portion of fries with salad when an uneasy feeling crept up her spine.

That was weird- Why am I feeling like this all of the sudden?

Unbeknownst to her did that have to do with an ego-hurt Alpha spying on her house, deciding if it was safe for him to enter.

No one had dared to deny him before and then that bitch had caused him to be dominated by another alpha. Like he was a weak Beta or even an Omega.

He knew the other Alpha had been around the house a lot, his scent lingered in the air when he had scoped it out earlier, so, smart as he was, he covered his scent with some cheap perfume.

He wanted revenge for the beat-up he received, though he knew he would not be able to beat the Alpha, he would be able to beat that Omega. Like that, he would get his revenge on both of them.

The Alpha had even brought a jammer to keep her from calling for aid.

.-.-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Feeling the uneasiness to grow with every passing second, Millie walked around her house to see if the windows and doors were closed and locked. They were. But the feeling did not leave.

I should call Happy, right? He said to call him if something feels off. Right?

Taking her phone, she realized immediately there was no service.

Strange! Still have a cable one in the kitchen though. Hope he still picks up though.

He indeed did after a few seconds that felt like minutes, but he did not say a word when he did.

“Happy? It´s me, Millie. I have this strange feeling and now my cell won´t work. You told me to call when something is up- I think. Sorry if I am interrupting your party”, she explained, nervously playing with the phone-cable.

“Stay in the kitchen and keep the doors locked!”, the Alpha finally answered and at once ended the call.

“Okay.”, she breathed her answer nonetheless and did what he had said.

Standing there, she waited for the rumble of a motorcycle to reach her ears, and only five minutes later the sound of several closed in.

Part 4

AN: so, what do you think? What is going to happen next?

REBLOGS and comments are appreciated:)Thank you very much.

~MaggY

Taglists:

Permanent

:@jadepc@pacifyhxlsey @thankyoukarenclifford @thankyouforanonymity @punkrockhufflefluff @scarletraine @buckycaptspideypool @markusstraya @graveyard-groupie @markusstrayya @randomgirlkensy @the-soulofdevil@marshyrebelcloud

Alpha next door:

@wiccanmetallicrose @gloriousqueenjellyfish @peterfrauchen @anni1607

#Àlpha Happy Lowman #Omega OFC #Alpha Happy Lowman x OFC #ABO verse #Sons of anarchy #Alpha #Omega #Happy Lowman

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purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1281

survey by chasingghosts

Who?

Who was the last person you had an intelligent debate with? Not so sure - maybe Angela and Reena. Our group chat will occasionally veer towards serious topics.

Who was the last person who cooked something for you? Dad, I believe; but I can also hear my mom preparing breakfast downstairs so she will be the next last person haha.

Who was the last person who you heard singing? Other than me, my co-worker Dev’s sibling when we had our weekly ~fade-out-slash-bonding call with the rest of the team last Friday. She had left her mic on while we were all doing the last remaining bits of work for the week and I could hear her sibling humming in the background.

Who was the last person you kissed and it meant something? My ex.

Who was the last person you were upset with? Myself.

Who was the last person you danced with? I don’t really dance with other people unless...like, drunk. But I guess my swaying and bouncing with Angela when we watched Sowoozoo counts.

Who was the last person you felt awkward around? The food delivery rider who was bringing food my aunt wanted to send over to us yesterday. He seemed very confused for reasons I’m still very confused by lmao, so it all made for an awkward encounter.

Who was the last person who borrowed something from you? My mom went into my closet last week to grab something of mine, but I have no idea what it was since I had been half-asleep when she walked in.

Who was the last person who showed you how to do something? My dad taught me how to make coffee that wasn’t from a 3-in-1 sachet lol.

Who was the last person you went shopping with? I don’t really go shopping, much less with other people.

Who was the last person you had a crush on? I haven’t crushed on anyone since my ex, and the people I find attractive nowadays are all celebrities haha.

Who was the last person who made you cry? Myself.

Who was the last person you shared a bed with? Oh, that’s been a while. Still Gabie, I’m pretty sure.

Who was the last person you got drunk with? We were quite a bunch at Angela’s place two weeks ago, but I’ll name a few - her, Reena, Pia, Hans, Al.

Who was the last person who touched your hair? Not sure. Maybe my dad.

What?

What was the last pair of shoes you wore? It was a pair of adidas sneakers.

What was the last birthday party you attended? The last birthday celebration (not necessarily a party) I went to was Angela’s. I darted to her house straight after work that day cos there was no way I was going to miss out on her birthday.

What was the last thing you said to your mother? I think it was just to bid her goodnight last night.

What was the last song you listened to? Seesaw by Suga.

What was the last thing you thought about before going to sleep last night? I was thinking about my headache and how I wanted to fall asleep immediately.

What was the last fun thing you did with your family? We had a Zoom party yesterday to celebrate my cousin Bree’s 12th birthday! Her family sent over takoyaki, milk tea, and pizza to all the households who went and we watched the birthday clips we sent for Bree. It was a lot of fun and it was a super nice break from how monotonous my weekends could be.

What was the last thing you borrowed from someone? My sister’s microfiber cloth so that I could clean my glasses.

What was the last vegetable you ate? I’m blanking out...which is weird because my dad puts veggies in most of the dinners he makes hahaha. Probably something like lettuce or pechay??

What was the last thing you bought online? My friends and I pre-ordered the second season of In The Soop so that we can watch it when it premieres later in the month. We’ll also have to purchase our tickets to BTS’ next online concert that’ll be happening this month too...thanks for reminding me I have to raise it with them haha.

What was the last thing you had to drink? I haven’t had to drink anything recently but the last thing I took a sip of was my coffee.

What was the last reason you went to see a doctor? Continued from yesterday morning. I had had a fever all week long and we couldn’t figure out how to lower my temperature, so we needed to go so I could finally be diagnosed with whatever it was. It turned out to be a UTI.

What was the last non-food item you purchased? Pre-order slots for a pay-per-view series.

What was the last type of yoghurt you ate? Ooh, I don’t like yogurt. I’m blanking out on the last time I had it.

What was the last fast food place you ate at? I haven’t dined in at a fast food place in a while – I think it may have been Jollibee, when Angela and I met up back in February. But I did get KFC for delivery a few weeks ago.

What was the last thing that bothered you and kept you awake? Doesn’t really happen to me nowadays. I get knocked out most nights.

When?

When was the last time you embarrassed yourself? I guess yesterday? I went to Starbucks to work for a little bit but since I hadn’t done dine-in for a couple of months, I had no idea the government modified the rules a bit and required people to bring their vaccination cards if they wanted to dine in. The barista explained the new rule and I ended up profusely apologizing because I didn’t have mine on me, and I also offered that I could just do take out; but she was nice and let me off the hook and just confirmed with me if I’ve had my shots.

When was the last time you watched a movie with someone? Just myself. I did watch Squid Game - binge-watched all 9 episodes straight - with my sister last Saturday, though.

When was the last time you charged your phone? Earlier this afternoon.

When was the last time you were sick with a cold? I dunno. 1 or 2 years ago, maybe? I rarely get colds.

When was the last time you spoke to a family member on the phone? Yesterday when my mom called me up.

When was the last time it rained where you live? Earlier today. Explains why it’s been humid the last few days.

When was the last time you laid awake, unable to sleep? Like I said, struggling to fall asleep doesn’t really happen to me anymore. I usually exhaust myself until I feel like I can pass out the second I close my eyes.

When was the last time you met someone new? I want to say two Fridays ago when I pitched a presentation to a new set of people but still within a client brand we manage.

When was the last time you filled up your car with petrol/gas? I don’t drive a lot, so it’s been a few months.

When was the last time you ate popcorn? Don’t like popcorn so I honestly can’t remember. My mom makes them occasionally though so I may have grabbed one or two just to have something to chew, sometime within the year.

When was the last time you went to a school event? March last year. A school event that had been held on a Friday was literally the last place I was at – by the time that very next Monday rolled around, classes were already suspended.

When was the last time you took the trash out? I’m not normally in charge of that chore so I haven’t done it.

When was the last time you did anything to change your appearance? Like...10 minutes ago? I just fixed my bun since my hair had started to look disheveled from being up all day.

When was the last time you cooked at home? Sometime in like November last year when I tried to make a sandwich. Anyway, my dad just left today to finally head back to his work for the first time in nearly two years, and I told myself (and him) that I should try to learn cooking at least one meal so that I can manage well while he’s gone haha.

When was the last time you had a sleepover? Maybe January of last year.

Where?

Where did you last go shopping for clothing? Not sure about physical spaces but I did open my Zalora app recently to look for cute bucket hats that I’ll probably never buy anyway hahaha.

Where did you last go on a date to? I don’t even remember. I deleted all photos a long time ago.

Where was the last wedding you went to? Manila Cathedral, if I’m not mistaken. This was well over a decade ago, though. I haven’t been to any other wedding since.

Where did you last park your car, other than home? Angela’s house when I visited a couple of weeks ago.

Where did you last leave your keys? Dining table.

Where did your last kiss take place? By my ex’s car when I was bidding her goodbye.

Where did you last go for a walk to? The mall, yesterday.

Where did you last take a vacation to? It was a staycation more than anything, but we stayed at Tagaytay for a night at the start of this year to celebrate my dad’s birthday.

Where did you last go to celebrate your own birthday? We stayed at home. I reported to work that day then just had a huge dinner with my family haha.

Where was the last place you had dinner at? No clue. I want to say Ramen Nagi? when I ate there on my own last February.

Where did you last go to exercise? Rooftop since it’s open-space and no one can see me.

Where did you last take public transport to? I don’t take public transport.

Where does the last person you hung out with live? A city close to mine.

Where did you last visit for the first time? A Korean restaurant close to Angela’s place.

Where did you last take a photo? Just my room.

#survey #surveys

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starlithan · 4 years

Text

I Promise

Part 1

Siren Jisung/ Reader (ft. San ATEEZ)

Word Count:3519 words

Warnings: none, enjoy

Summary: I'm not good with summaries so lets do it

prev -------- next

Part 1:

The light of the sun seeping through the curtains, the room started to get a little warm, I felt something lick my face I opened my eyes to see Darong greeting me with a small meow “Yea Yeah I’m hungry too ill go get us something to eat” I said, I got up and did my morning routine and then started to make breakfast.

mornings were lazy for me, extremely lazy, I ate my breakfast finished up and washed the dishes, while Darong was in front of the TV watching animal planet, I still don’t know whether she even understood that or not, but I let my curiosity die there.

“Darong-ah~ I’ll be back okay, I’m heading outside” I said as I put on my sneakers and head out, the heat was hitting the sand, I squinted “I’ll take a little walk” I said to myself I started to walk by the sea, there weren’t a lot of people but a few, parents with their children, an old woman with his son, I started to head towards the rock where I saw the merman last night, I was fighting with my thoughts “did I see it or did I not?” I said in a low voice, searching through my thoughts, memories of last night coming back but they were a little hazy “mermaids don’t exist, mermaids don’t exist” I started to whisper under my breath.

“Who said they don’t?” I looked back to see an old woman smiling at me, “sorry?” I said turning completely to her “I asked that who said mermaids don’t exist?” the old woman repeated herself “I saw one, when I was your age she was beautiful, she had a beautiful voice and a blue tail, black glossy hair with a green streak, they sing a song to lure humans into the water and drown them but not all of them are the same, some like humans very much, but they aren’t called mermaids their called..” she was about to finish when a guy came and stopped her “Granny it’s time to leave, come on” he said, he wasn’t tall, he had black hair and was covered in black from head to toe, his Granny started to make her way to wherever they lived, before leaving she winked at me.

“I’m sorry, my grandma believes too much in fantasy’s” he said bowing down a little

“I’m Choi San by the way” he said “I’m Lee Y/n” I said we both shook hands

“you just moved in”

“how do you know” I asked

“it’s a small town everyone knows everyone hear” he said

“ooh” I said nodding “umm I have to go it was very nice to meet you, you can stop by we have a chicken restaurant near the convenience store.. and if you need anything your most welcome to come by” he said smiling “thank you so much I'll make sure to stop by” I said with that we both waved and started to head to our own destination.

I wanted to take a walk around the town, It wasn’t big San was right, a lot of people waved and I bowed in response, coffee shop, stationary, fashion, this was a remote place but surprisingly had everything, I saw a paint shop so i went there, there were many portraits there of the sea, pirates etcetera but the one that caught my attention the most was of a man crying setting on the rock, his face gave off many emotions, emotions of sadness, joy it was hard to pinpoint a single out of those emotions “you like it?” the Oldman came from behind me “yes it's very..” I searched for the proper word to describe it “expressive” I said he smiled in response “you can keep it… I see your new.. Take it as a gift I would appreciate it please” he said, taking the painting off the wall and packing it “I-.. Thank you, you didn’t have too” I said but he smiled and waved it off.

Night came pretty quickly “Darong-ah your foods ready” I said as she licked her lips and came to the kitchen I put her bowl down “enjoy” I said and picked up the fresh popcorn and sat down on the sofa “a little Goblin will get my mind off of things” I said as I played the first episode, watching dramas was my second hobby … other than sleeping(if you even call that a hobby).

“Meow” I jolted up, shit I fell asleep I glanced at the tv to see it was still on and I was suddenly on the 4th episode great Y/n just great I yawned and got up “a nice walk would do it” I stretched and head outside, as yesterday it was calm no soul in sight I mean obviously it was midnight, I sat on the rock it was half submerged in water when-

*a rock falls*

The merman “ hey don’t leave I wanna meet you this time” I said I slightly bowed in the forward direction to see what it was but it was just a crab “great I’m completely going…AHHH” I fell back on the rock, i sighed and rubbed my back when i opened my eyes, the merman was now in front of me, he tilted his head to the side and gave me a confused look, “hi” I said in a little whisper, he started to look at my feet then at my clothes, he picked up my feet as I slightly feel backwards “those are my….hahahah.. Please don’t it tickles” I said, he leaves my feet and I sit back up , I’m not crazy this time I’m up. “What’s your name, human?” he says, wait he can speak “wait you can speak” I asked “yes I can speak all human tongues… my name is Han, Han Jisung” he said “I’m Lee Y/n” you said bringing your hand to shake it but he just stares at it “you...shake it” you said he slowly brings his hands to yours and shakes it, and then he smiles and shakes it again “ooookay” you said “I've never seen a merman before” you said, he gave you a confused look and then looks behind “Merman where?” he asks

“you” I said getting more confused, did he not know, he smiles “I'm not a merman I'm a siren, mermaids and merman's are covered with scales they resemble the fishes a lot, we sirens look like humans more” he said

“Ahhh.. okay” I said, he started to look at my feet again “how does it feel to have feet?” he asks I look at my feet then at his fins “hmm it feels like how you feel with your tail I guess” I said he makes an ohhh face “do you-” he stops then looks behind him “I have to go… will you come here tomorrow?” he said “yes i will” I said he smiles and then takes my hand and kisses the top of it, my face turns red , he smiles and then swims away “what was that?”

____________________________

Han’s PoV

Alone I’ve been alone from the start, the sea is a beautiful place but sometimes it can be extremely suffocating, the land calls out to me, I wish to become a human but some wishes are to never be fulfilled.

I swim and I swim endlessly, unsure of my destination, of where I’m headed, of where I’m supposed to be, Sirens aren’t allowed near land there told to kill humans, but those who have a broken heart, who don’t wanna live, but I would never hurt anyone.

“I’m back” I said as I got in the cave, I lived with my uncle, the seeker. He was like the law here, hated humans, killed them whenever he saw one, and extremely extremely bossy.

“Where were you?” He asked not even giving me a single look his whole attention was on the fish in his hands, he was staring at it with extreme hunger “nowhere just here and there” I said as I sat down “my nephew, look at this fish” he said eyes on the fish as it struggled “what does it want most now?” He asks, I look at the fish, pity it was to be devoured by my uncle “freedom?” I said my uncle laughed “exactly, but food is essential, find a moment catch it and then kill it” he said as he ate the whole fish, sometimes I don’t get what he says “go to sleep” he says reading my expression that I have no idea what he says.

I do exactly as he says I lie down, clearing my head of everything my uncle leaves, and I’m left there alone with my thoughts when Y/n comes to my mind I never saw a cute human she was nice...right? She had beautiful black hair, her eyes were sparkling, I wonder how it actually felt to have feet …. Wait was I falling for a human

My uncles gonna kill me “stupid stupid” I hit my head with my fist, I throw my thoughts away and get ready to sleep

_______________________________

Han’s Pov:

“Wake up we need to go” my uncle said, hearing his voice in the morning wasn't one of the things I liked “where?” I asked as I rubbed my eyes, “ I want you to do something for me” he said and left the cave, “weird he never asks my help in anything”

“Please don't kill me” said the siren in front me, I looked at my uncle but all I could see in his eyes was amusement at how she begged for her life, I just stood there unable to move, it wasn't like this was the first time he was killing someone in front of me, he was the seeker he could do anything he wants “Han ” he said as I looked at him “I want you to finish the job” he said smiling, my heart stopped, I can't do this, I can't kill someone who hasn't done anything “I cant” I say my voice shaking, my uncle turned to me “say that again” he says “I can't do this” I repeat, he slaps me hard, my ears ring “you are gonna kill her and that's an order or I'm gonna kill all the sirens and lay their bodies in front of you” he said, I knew he'd do it, I swim toward the siren and look at her, she begs me not to but it's not like I have a choice I extend my hand to her slowly feeling the power of the water in my hand and then releasing it, water tore's through her stomach with force and she stops, I look at her without emotion, Sirens should be creatures with no emotion, my uncle smiles as he sees her turn into sea form “good my nephew well done, no emotion, just wanted to remind you that” he says as he pats my back and heads back into the cave, i stay there with her till her last breath, she deserves that much.

Y/n’s Pov

“Darong-ah~ I'm going out kay” I said as I closed the door behind me, we were out of milk, it was almost night, the whole morning I was occupied with cleaning up and thinking about the siren I meet last night, I started to walk to the convenience store, he must be very lonely, does he have any family, siblings I thought, he had a beautiful tail, and eyes

Wait-

I blinked “focus on getting the milk Y/n” i said and went in the store, i got my milk and was about to pay “I'll pay for that” someone said and I glanced back to see San smiling “San-shi you don't have too” i said but he smiled and payed “you can pay me back by having a walk with me”

“So why did you move here?” he asked as we walked “well...because of my health” I said he stopped and looked at me “health? Are you okay?, is it serious?” he asked “no not that serious, it's just a migraine not that serious, but thank you for asking.. Were you born here?” I asked changing the topic “no I wasn't born here my Dad passed away and my mom left me here” he said, eyes sad “oh I'm sorry” I said “so I've been living here since now I'm just waiting to audition and be something” he said smiling at the thought “audition? You can rap” I ask he laughs “more like I can sing, but I can rap too a little” he said rubbing his neck and chuckling

“That's cool you got to sing for me someday okay” I smiled tilting my head a little, he just nodded and looked away “what about you? Any plans?” he asked “well umm I just applied for a university, I wanna be a robotics engineer” he looked at me confused “wait you'll leave but you just got here” he said “its an online university, I'm not leaving” I said “Ahhh”

“This is my stop thank you so much for walking me back” he smiled

“It's fine if you need anything I'll be here” he said, waved and went his way

Han ’s POV:

I sat down on the sand

I wish i was a human, how could he be so heartless and to his own kind, but then again, sirens dont have hearts, I looked at my hands, I killed someone with these hands, someone who did nothing wrong, its weird how everyone longs to live, but doesn't care about the same thing, the same feeling when they kill.

“I hate the sea” i said, there's not even a soul here, i remember the warmth of Y/n’s hand how it made me feel a weird sensation in my chest, i searched through my memory for a single time i felt the same warmth as i did yesterday, i remember opening my eyes in the sea, i wasn't born i looked the same as i do now, i had no parents, but this person who claimed to be my uncle, no memory of who i was just my name.

Born of sea turns to sea form

Born of land bleeds and turns to sand

I heard a voice whisper “who's there?” i asked looking around but I saw no one

But cursed to be a part of the sea, doesn't break easily

Does Not remember anything

Love can break the biggest spell

Can tame the curliest of beasts

“Who's there?” I asked again waiting for it to say something so I can follow its voice, but I hear nothing

Y/n’s POV:

It's half past midnight and yet no sign of Han anywhere, maybe he got late or doesn't wanna come. I say to myself thinking of a proper excuse of why he didn't make it. I was kicking the water beneath me when I felt a pull on my feet. I glanced down to see the Siren boy… which almost gave me a heart attack.

“Can you not scare the shit out of me?” I said, he just laughed “you're my only source of entertainment” he said “what do you mean by only?” I ask but he ignores the question and stares at the thing I have in my hand “What's in your hand?” he asked “oh it's called ice cream its sweat here try it” he gives me a suspicious look but takes the treat from my hand, he takes a big bite and slowly chews it and swallows it.

“Wow you humans have a better taste in food then us, so this is how sweat tastes like” he said “well we have lots of seasonings here salty, spicy etc.” I say as he eats the ice cream completely “i wish you could taste them” I say “ I wish I could to” he says, my eyes were stuck on his tail “can I- can I touch your tail?” I ask he stops, eyes wide but then he looks at me “yeah” he says and slowly pulls me in the water, he takes my hand and submerge it under water where his tail is and slowly traces my hand over it, it was soft it had a beautiful red color, I wonder how it felt to have a tail and swim.

Han slowly lets me go and I panic “Hold on to me please.” I say and cling to him “I cant swim” I say he laughs at my reaction “you don't know how to swim? But you live near the ocean” he asks “nope and what does that have to do with anything”

“Okay I'm gonna put you back” he says holding my waist and lifting me up, he places me back on the rock. For a minute we stayed like that, my hands on his arms and his on my waist.

____________

“so you don't eat humans do you?” i asked “if we did you guys probably would have noticed” he said,

“where do you live?”

I asked i was basically asking him tons of questions since the past hour “in a cave”

“Do sea monsters exist?”

“Not that I've seen any?”

“What's in the Bermuda triangle?”

“Do I look like I've been there?.... Enough with the weird human Questions it's my turn to ask” he laughs,

“Okay” I laugh,

“do you have a family?” he asks “yeah my mother died when I was young, i have an older brother, and my father” he nods he had this curious and astonished look on his face and I didn't know why “what about friends”

“I also have friends a few” I said “what are their names?” he asked which i don't know why he wanted to know but i asked him a lot of weird questions and he answered so cant really complain,

“Changbin, Chan, Felix, Seungmin, Hyunjin and Jeongin” I said he tilted his head in confusion “Why are they all men?” he asked I laughed

“well they are my childhood friends and I was never popular with other kids or girls for a matter of fact, so they were basically my only friends” he nodded in response.

“I wish I was a human” he whispered

______________________________________

[Author here best if you listen to this song for a better experience]

~In Your Time - Lee Suhyun~

~Flashback~

“I wish I was a human” I whispered looking at my tail and the thing i just committed, she gives me a confused look “isn't it also nice to be a siren” she says slowly, but all i could focus was on the way her heart glowed, sirens can see human hearts, her heart was glowing a bit yellow and then green, yellow means happy or it could mean love too, green means confusion or jealousy and blue means sadness.

“I mean the sea is beautiful, and you must have other sirens who love you right?” she asked looking a bit unsure “sirens have no feelings, they're creatures without a heart, without family.. So no I was alone since the beginning” i said, her heart glowed blue, a darker shade of it, “I'm sorry” she said

“Not your fault you don't need to apologize” I say, but she avoids my eyes and looks at her hands, i was just observing her, and up till now she was a cheerful and a curious human and… different, not that I meet a lot of humans but she gave of a weird comforting vibe.

“I want to ask you something?” I said it was something that's been disturbing me since the day I met her and saw her heart glow, she hums and looks at me “I-..” I was about to say it but i felt something watching us, I turned around to see something glowing

Uncle, I should have known he’ll follow me, I cursed under my breath “I have to go” I say and dive, i hear her calling me out but I need to get away from her, for her own good

~End Flashback~

“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!” my uncle screamed at me, i kept my gaze down

“SHE'S A HUMAN, WHY DIDN'T YOU KILL HER THE MOMENT YOU SAW HER?” he asked, but I said nothing “WHAT IF SHE KILLED YOU HUH?” he said shaking me, I snapped “BUT SHE DIDN'T” i said, i could see rage in his eyes growing and growing by every moment “IS THIS THE WAY YOU REPAY ME, OR DID YOU FORGET THAT I PROTECTED YOU, WHEN YOU DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING” he said pushing me a little

“Protect you my foot… all you did was tell me that you're my uncle other than that you never did anything, YOU LEFT ME TO BE EATEN BY SHARKS YOU DON'T REMEMBER THAT?” I asked, but he just stared at me “you have no right to tell me what to do or what not to do” i said

“That's for me to decide” he said and with that he went in the cave

_____________________________

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nonbinaryventing · 3 years

Text

TW ED. Venting with my journal entries. #1 09/16/2021

It's the same cycle daily. Wake up. Stay in bed for another hour or two just scrolling through different apps on my phone attempting to escape reality. And now we’re caught up to me now. Debating whether or not to go eat breakfast, it would be easier just to skip.

500 calories a day, 800 max

Go over the amount workout to burn it off

Can still workout even if I don’t go over the amount, less calories the better

I’ll get something to eat I guess, even though I really don’t want too and I know i'll just end up regretting it as I always do. I head to the kitchen and search around for something to eat that won’t kill my calorie intake, but also won’t get my parents wondering. I grab 2 eggs and make them over-easy. Salt and Pepper. Water. (140)

After I eat I head to the bathroom, remove what would have been my water weight, and step on the scale. I watch as the numbers go up and up. 103.6. Not bad, it went down again thankfully. At this rate, I can get down to 95 in no time. I proceed to log what I ate and my weight into the weight-loss app. I have my goal set to 100 on it but don’t worry, that’ll go down as soon as i hit it.

I’m two days into my workout routine, I’m nonbinary and I want more of a masculine figure. It just sucks that I’ll probably need a high calorie intake to make myself actually look more masculine and get the build that I want, but I can’t do that so we’ll just make do with what we have.

My workout routine as of now:

Stretch Briefly

Push-ups, as many as I can. I did 20 last night, 2 reps of 10. (Decreases chest fat, increases chest muscles)

Bicep curls, this one was a bitch to get through. 20 on each arm, then work up my goal. 5-10 reps on each arm, sets of 10. (Increase bicep/arm muscles)

Armpit row. I believe I did 15 reps and 5 sets. These were difficult. (Arm strength increases, it focuses on deltoids/trap and back muscles)

Standing dumbbell press. I think I did 10 reps and 5 sets of these. (Chest, shoulder, and back muscles) (should be able to see collarbones more the longer i do this for)

Scissor kicks. Oh my god these were difficult, especially since my scoliosis had my spine stabbing into the exercise mat underneath me, and god it felt like I was going to collapse. 4 sets and reps of 25. (Lower abs and leg muscles) (after a month my leg muscles should be more defined)

Air cycling. Wasn’t too too hard, a little painful. I did this for a total of 6-7 minutes, or the duration of 2 songs. (Abs and leg muscles)

Wide arcs. It burned a little bit, but wasn’t too hard. I believe I either did 2 or 3 sets of 10 reps. One rep for me is going to each side once. (Abs and Legs)

Hip Raises. HOLY FUCK this one hurt so so much. I didn’t expect it to hurt that much, but once I hit 30 I just lied on the floor about to cry, lol. I should do 30-50 reps on each leg. (Butt and Leg Muscles) (should lose an inch of hip fat)

And that's basically it. It took me about an hour and a half, but I know it’ll get easier over time. I’m not sure how many calories I burned, I’m going to try to figure that out now.

Pushups: about 2-3 minutes (-9 calories)

Bicep Curls: I think about 20-30 minutes, Ill time it all tonight. (-130 calories)

Armpit Row: Think 10 minutes (-21 calories)

Standing Dumbbell Press: 15 minutes (-78)

Scissor Kicks: 4 minutes (-23)

Air Cycling: 6 minutes (-30)

Wide Arcs: 2 minutes (-12)

Hip Raises: 3 minutes (-20)

Total burned: 323

Yesterday I ate a total of 750 calories, which is too much. I feel a bit better knowing that it’s now down to 427. Under 500 calories. I did good, right?

********************************************************************************************************

It’s now nighttime, I apologize for not writing for the day. I skipped lunch, but ended up regressing and making up for those calories with sweets. What do I mean by regressing you may ask? Well I’m talking about age regression, basically where I mentally regress back to a younger- more innocent state of mind, usually ranging between 2 and 5/6 years of age. I had been numb for most of today and it was the only thing that could get me out of that- well besides creating line in my arms or thighs till the blood reminds me I’m alive, and the cut can help me realize that I can feel pain instead of well- nothing at all? But anyways, when I regress it can be voluntary or involuntary, and it's mostly involuntary for more, and when it happens I lose more control of myself and tend to eat when I really don’t want too even though im so hungry, please let me eat, please

I ended up eating one brookie/brownie cookie thing (150) and one chocolate fudge cookie thing (65) it was surprisingly l̶o̶w̶ less calories than I thought it would be.

We had burgers for dinner, luckily I had a veggie burger (124) which was less than a normal meat burger. In total with all the condiments and stuff, it was quite a disappointing number (333).

After dinner, I went out to go longboarding to burn some of the calories at least for 15 minutes before it got dark (-65). I got some cool pictures at least.

I finished up some schoolwork when I got home, had a snack(which was a mistake) popcorn (93/ my dad gave me too big of a portion) and a soda for the caffeine for later (150), then worked out. Also, hey I was right! It went a lot faster this time and I actually got it done in 40 minutes. It wasn’t as many calories burned as last time though unfortunately (-241)

I put all the numbers together and honestly it wasn’t great. Without the working out and longboarding, it was 9̶3̶1̶ and then I burned 306 calories in total. So I’m still left at 625 which is over 500 but not over 800, and that's okay I guess. Anyways I’m going to read a book for the night now, check in again tomorrow!

************************************************************************

#eating disorder #eating disorder tw #tw ed stuff #tw vent #anorexia #low calorie #vent #eating disorder vent #selfharmmention #tw #trigger warning #gettingitout

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uwu-boll · 3 years

Text

Yesterday I consumed nearly 4 grams of mushrooms. Here is what that was like for me:

First, this isnt my first rodeo. I've consumed psychedelics a few times before; I wouldnt call myself necessarily experienced but I have an education background in psychopharmacology and I have a couple of trips under my belt already so I knew what to expect and how it was going to feel going into it. 2 months ago. my girlfriend and I purchased 7 grams of mushrooms to split for our anniversary weekend this past week. We purchased a hotel room - I wanted to avoid doing this at home due to a very stressful living situation - and situated our setting so as to be best prepared to go about our experience. This included water, music, videogames, some snacks, etc. The necessities.

Our day started following a night of several shared margaritas and burgers between us. We went swimming, had coffee and a light breakfast, went to therapy together, and then a healthy midday lunch. Following that, we gathered the supplies for the night and settled in at around 3pm. Starting then, I measured out the dosages for the both of us; 2.75g for her, 3.87g for me (the dosages were more or less arbitrary, but we had a ballpark of what kind of experience we were looking for). She ate hers straight up, while I prepared a 'lemon tek'; powdered shrooms soaked in lemon juice for some time. There is some science behind it, but the idea is to shorten the duration or the experience while making it more intense. This also helps with digestion to prevent nausea, although there will still be some present as your body tries to 'reject' the chemical.

My shrooms sat in lemon juice for 20 mins before I tossed them all in orange juice for me to take big gulps of. Disclaimer - I HATE the taste, smell, texture, EVERYTHING about mushrooms. This... isnt necessarily better, but it's the best way to consume them short of capsules, I've found.

3:25 PM: I start drinking my pulpy orange juice - mushroom cocktail. It tastes like sour orange juice, because of the lemon juice I added, but the thought of the mushrooms in there makes me gag before I even get the concoction in my mouth. I can already tell this is going to be an endeavour. I take one big swig, maybe a fifth of the bottle, and approximately a quarter of the dose. I wait about 5 mins before taking another swig

3:35: one more swig, followed by a dab, hoping that the weed will calm my tummy. It does, but not before I nearly puke coughing up a lung

3:45: I finish the cocktail. This whole time I'm watching my girlfriend - who is approximately 15 minutes ahead of me having already dosed - set up the Nintendo switch and design a character on Tony Hawks Pro Skater, the remastered edition. She finishes, we take a dab, and we start playing. We, for some reason, start with a VS game, first to 500,000 points. I dont know why we thought that was a good idea, but we did. From here on, times are approximate.

Approximately 3:50: We are mindlessly skating in complete silence, absolute fixated in this game. I'm pretty high from the dabs as it is, so I'm spacing out and having trouble coordinating.

Approximately 4:00: I'm focused entirely on how gross my stomach feels having drank the cocktail. My body feels heavy, and it's very difficult to coordinate in the game properly.

Approximately 4:15: We are probably 100,000 points into this game before we both realize how long it's going to take before anyone wins. Were both kinda over it, and clearly struggling with performing and we only know it's going to get worse. As the come up begins, I feel a profound sense of anxiety. Recognizing it as the comeup anxiety, I dismiss it, but it's quickly becoming pretty overwhelming. The lemon tek, in shortening and intensifying the experience, creates very powerful come ups. We stop playing THPS and switch to Super Mario 3D World, which makes me feel better

Approximately 4:30: We get through 2 levels before we stop playing for the night. We decide to cuddle and try to calm each other down. We put on Bo Burnham's 'Inside' to listen to while we come up, which was a great idea because we love him. Really got us talking about our pasts and the meanings behind each of his songs. My body is very heavy, but I feel at absolute peace within it - I'm not biting my nails compulsively or shaking my legs - despite the come up anxiety and the slight nausea. I feel attached to the bed, I didnt want to get up even if I had to. I am absolutely CHEESIN, smiling so hard my cheeks still hurt a day later.

Approximately 4:45: I am staring at the wall, looking at what appears to be a pattern overlaying the texture of the wall. I see the same pattern on the bathroom floor. I'm questioning as to whether or not it's really there. I quickly move to the ceiling - a popcorn ceiling - where I am blown away; the lighting in the room makes the ceiling look both purple and green. My pareidolia is going crazy and I see constantly shifting patterns in the white noise that is the popcorn ceiling. The crazy thing is knowing that there is no pattern to the nonsense I am seeing, but making out patterns regardless. I stare at this for awhile. The ceiling is flowing like water.

The exact order of events henceforth are kind of a blur. We lay in bed for the rest of the night, but the topics of discussion vary from point to point, mostly us complimenting each other and praising each other. At some point, Inside ended, and we listened to Hamilton. However, I hardly remember both the end of Inside nor the entirety of Hamilton, and so it's likely that around d approximately 5 oclock, began the Great Existential Breakdown (TM)

At approximately 5 oclock, I was peaking. Emotions were running high, and, in response to being hungry, I had a breakdown because I hated the fact that I was born into a world dominated by cruelty, inhumanity, and the insatiable drive for profit. I hated that I lived in a world where something as simple as hunger was a problem, and that food - a human right - is commodified. I hated that consumption was obligatory, and that to feed the endless gluttony that is the human need to consume, we exploit both our fellow humans, and the planet. I hated that in that obligatory need to consume, weve facilitated this social climate in which it's okay to pollute our world and exploit the human labor condition so as long as its convenient to the consumer and profitable to the corporation. (Now that I think about it, this may have been spurned by Bo Burnhams 'That Funny Feeling', which I feel like is his most powerful song on the album. ) This quickly evolved into how being born, and forced into a world without your consent where conditions like this exist in the first place is inherently a violent act, and that having children is immoral until we create an environment where those conditions are obsolete. Then to how bullshit it is that I am forced to take care of a meatsuit for the whole of my life, but I have to pay to upkeep all of it as if i had some choice in the matter. This lead to me talking about how I wanted to be a transient observer of the universe, untethered to any physical point in space. Not quite dead, not quite alive - still able to see things happen, but not be able to participate. I then went on to say how I didnt think suicide was the answer to my problems because that doesnt necessarily get rid of the conditions that lead to my despair, but rather creates new problems for my loved ones. I knew that the key was to live in despite of the despair and to continue on in search of my own personal meaning.

This breakdown lasted approximately 3 hours and was very emotional for both of us. We spent a lot of time crying and talking about stuff weve never spoken about before. The comedown was very gentle and helped me feel very cathartic and relaxed. Over the course of the comedown I took several dabs, a few of which brought me back to 'The Wonky Space' (TM). However, this was short lived. My girlfriend sat in the tub naked from the waist down, which quickly turned into a bath, and from there, after my breakdown, we started to relax, watch some Shameless, went downstairs, got some snacks, some drinks, and went to bed.

Before I fell asleep, and once I knew the experience was 100% over, I took some time to reflect and felt very satisfied with what happened. It wasnt at all what I expected the night to be, but I felt like I needed to do that, and experience that kind of existential pain. I felt very relaxed once I got control of my body again, and that peace - the general sense of wellbeing, happiness, lack of anxiety, connectivity to my partner and my fellow man - has persisted well into the next day, and will likely continue for at least the next week. 10/10 would do again.

Would I say I had a bad trip? No. Was it a good one? N...no. but I had a great time, it was fun, and enlightening, and helped me realize where I feel like I am struggling mentally.

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ironwoman18 · 4 years

Text

We found love in a hopeless place part 19

Chapter 19: Some Family moments

Before the party Dom had a conversation with Max about staying that night at his house, he wanted to make sure nothing will happen to them, because they will return late that night.

He knew Spencer would protect her but he just wanted to take extra precautions. She, at first, seemed unsure about it but at the end she accepted these.

She told Spencer and he accepted this condition. He really likes the relationship between Max and her father so he could not say no to that. He put in his suitcase his pj's and a shirt and pants, next to the travel kit he use with the FBI.

So when they arrived at the Brenner's house after the party, Spencer got his case and walked in.

Max led him to her old bedroom and while she was in the bathroom cleaning her face and he changed his clothes.

"Thank you for accepting stay here at night" she said from the bathroom "it means a lot to me and him"

"You are welcome" he smiled "I just love how he cares about you and your sisters. It makes me think about my childhood and how I didn't have a father's figure back then" she looked at him and she dried her face then walked to him and sat on his lap.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked playing with the hair on his neck softly.

He looked into her eyes "he left me and my mom when everything was getting worst with her condition and after she helped a neighbor to kill a pedophile. After that I met him again and I discovered what I just told you" he looked down then back at her "he never talk to me again after that. Then the next father figure I had was Jason and he left too"

"So you lost your father and Jason" she said stroking his hair softly.

"Yes and when I see fathers worrying for their children, I just..." She hugged him tight and kisses his cheek.

"My father loves you like a son, he always talk about you when his friends and I think Michelle's husband is jealous" he laughed softly at that "so now my dad is yours too baby" she cleaned his tears "ok?" He nodded and kisses her softly.

"Thank you Max" he smiled and she stood up to lay next to him and they felt asleep almost immediately in each other's arms.

The next morning the couple got a shower and went down stairs to make breakfast. Max's father was already there making coffee.

"Good morning kids" he smiled at them "how did you sleep?"

"Really good thank you sir" Spencer smiled at him.

"Spencer remember that you can call me Dom, no sir" he laughed and handed Spencer and Max their coffee cups "I'm making pancakes, oh by the way Max, Michelle is coming tonight. We will have a Star Wars marathon before the premier of episode 8" he smiled "Sammy's dad haven't watched the movies and Sammy wanted him to check them out. You are invited too Spencer"

"I would love to. And I would like to do a horror movies marathon too since is October"

"Oh my...!! You are right! I have old horror movies and maybe we can watch them after star wars"

Max watched them with a little smirk, remembering their conversation last night. He surely will adopt her dad as his own because they had so much in common.

"Max?"

"Umm?" She looked at her father.

"I asked you what did you think?"

"I love the idea. And I'm sure we will enjoy these movie nights" Dom smiled big and turned to cook.

"Are you ok? You barely talked" asked Spencer in a whisper.

"Yeah I was thinking about what we talked yesterday, and realized how happy you seem with him" she rubbed his cheek "I love see you happy and I will do anything to keep it there way" she smiled and kissed his cheek.

He hugged her and kissed her forehead "I love you and I feel the same"

She hugged him back and laid her head on his chest "Spencer today I was invited me and other art teachers to the Smithsonian, to check a place to book for special activities there. And after that we can stay in the museum so I was wondering if you would like to go with me?"

"Of course I would love to" she smiled and after breakfast the couple left the house to the museum.

There were lots of other teachers taking notes and asking questions about the place and the possible activities. The place was beautiful and the big enough for big groups.

Some even took photos of the place to show the principal of the school. And after the one hour tour and questions they were free to see the paintings and sculptures.

Max took the lead explaining things to him and he surprised her with his knowledge.

"Why so surprised? I'm dating an artist so I read about it" she laughed softly and hugged him.

"I'm surprised because you are the first boyfriend that showed interest in this world"

"I love to learn things and if it's something you love then I want to know it too" she kissed him quickly and wrapped her arms around him.

After that they were to a place to eat something and left the museum back to the Brenner's house to watch the movie.

"I missed you last week. I don't like those long cases"

"Me too and I'm thankful that there're not back to back cases like a few years ago. Even the BAU boss sent us home because we spent lots of days on the road"

"I'm glad those days are over" she laughed.

"Not over but not as usual"

"Ok I understand" she looked at him "then I will pray so that never happens again" he laughs and held her hand.

They arrived to the house and there were Michelle and her family waiting for them.

Sammy was playing with some Lego figures of the Star Wars collection while the adults talked.

When they arrived they joined the conversation until they were ready for the movie.

"Ok we will watch the movies in release date. So first A New Hope, next week will the The Empire Strike Back, then The Return of the Jedi. Then we will watch the prequels and we will finish with The Force Awakens and Rouge One. So on December we can enjoy Episode 8" finished Domband all of them nodded. Then he played the movie.

They ate popcorn and drank soft drinks. Then the adults watched an old horror movie while Sammy was sleeping.

Later that night Spencer, Dom and Phil, Michelle's husband, were talking random things about the movies. Then the other two men started to talk about sports, Spencer just added stats he read on the newspaper.

Meanwhile Michelle and Max were talking.

"How are things with you two?"

"Pretty good. He's wonderful and I just can't stop loving him more every day"

"I'm so happy about you Max..."

"But...?"

"But I'm worry because of his job"

"I understand that because I felt the same at the beginning but I know he will keep himself safe for us. But I know it's a risk"

"I'm just worry because I see you love him and I'm sure he does too" she looked at her "just know that his job is dangerous"

"I know Michelle" she held her hand "but I know he won't let anything happens to him"

The older sister just nodded and looked at the three men. Then each couple left the house after another hour of talking.

Spencer drove behind Max and when she walked in the building he drove to his house. Those few days were amazing and full of something he never had, real family moments, and he will do everything to protect those memories and to have more.

Max opened things he never had but were welcome.

OOooOOooOO

That's all for this chapter. I really love building cute moments for these two. I want to talk about some important moments in this season like when Linda sent him to be a full time teacher and forced Dave to retire. Or when he left the team to look for this agent kidnapped by the cult in the season finale.

So maybe I will speed up October and November. Then the wedding of Spencer's friend and I will start the situation with Linda.

Comment are welcome and if you have any ideas my inbox is open. Love you all and thank you for keep reading this.

#criminal mind #spencer reid #maxine brenner #maxcer #fanfiction

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floralguccistyles · 4 years

Photo

Hello all! While I am very happy to share this chapter with you, I am also aware that a lot of my social media feeds and timelines have stopped highlighting the BLM movement, which is so much more important. This fight is not over. It will not be over until there is justice for every single black mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle, friend that has been killed by police brutality and violence. Please don’t allow the people we follow to sweep this under the rug. If you do not have the means to protest, there are several other ways you can donate and raise awareness to this issue. Here is a Twitter thread of donations that still haven’t reached their goals. Here is a compiled list of petitions you can sign, numbers you can text, and causes you can donate to. Here is a Twitter thread of Youtube videos you can watch that gain ad revenue and donate all money made to the BLM movement. Please do what you can, especially my fellow non-POC users, to help with this issue. It is so, so incredibly important.

wildflower :: chapter two

...and stays up with you all night

There was a tradition between the Horan-Fairbrough clan that once a month, we would all try and get together and have dinner. It usually ended up with Greg’s son Theo falling asleep while I held him and Violet spewing on about something she learned in college before we all settled down to watch a movie. We had an ongoing rotation on who picked the movie, and this month it happened to be Niall’s turn.

Which was why I was so shocked that it was a horror film.

I didn’t like scary movies. And neither did Niall. But when he sat between Lily and I (on the floor since our parents took the couch while Greg and Theo took the loveseat), I realized his intention. Lily hated horror films even more than I did. And when the first jump scare came around, Lily hid her face in Niall’s side and squealed a little.

Smart boy, that Niall.

“You’re an asshole for picking this film,” I told Niall as I held the popcorn bowl between us. Niall and I hadn’t spoken since last Monday, when he’d dropped off his stuff at my house. Everything had been in a nice neat pile except for my necklace. When I had inquired about it, he had told me that he hadn’t seen it, but he would look again. I think the look of panic on my face told him how serious I was about that particular piece of jewelry.

“Why would I give up a chance to hold both my Fairbrough girls while they scream bloody murder?”

He wasn’t wrong. I found myself jumping right alongside with Lily whenever something frightening happened, so Niall just grinned at me, called me a baby, and then offered his hand for me to hold.

I gripped it like it was my lifeline.

The day had started off normally, waking up in Lily’s bed to her arm strewn across my neck, quite close to choking me. Though I may have snored in my sleep (according to she and Niall, I was still doubtful), Lily tried to kill me in hers. Her alarm went off approximately three minutes after I untangled myself from her comforter and I went to work on making us coffee and breakfast while she took a shower. I was expecting Niall to show up at around seven-thirty, since that was normally the time Lily was done taking a shower and I was expected to keep him entertained. When the door opened and I saw him in a salmon-colored dress shirt, I smiled.

“Morning,” I said, blinking against the bright smile he gave me. “Want a cup?”

“God, you’d be an angel.”

“I’m always an angel, what are you talking about?” I stuck my tongue out at him, but started to work on his coffee. The eggs were frying in the pan, so I quickly added some garlic salt to them (because I knew Niall liked it) before I poured his drink into a to-go cup. I watched him sit at the barstool, tossing his sunglasses on the counter as he watched me make breakfast. “So, it’s your pick for movie night tonight. Any contenders?”

He shrugged. “Hadn’t thought about it much, to be honest. I’ve been dealing with some stuff at work.”

Rummaging through some drawers, I found a Sharpie and uncapped it. “What’s up?”

He sighed. I didn’t like this look on Niall, the defeated kind of look that made him look at least three years older. He looked like he was carrying the weight of something heavy on his shoulders. “Hey,” I said quietly, reaching across the counter to grab his forearm in what I hoped was a comfort. “What’s wrong? Tell me.”

His other hand reached to grab my fingers, moving my touch on his arm to hold my hand. His fingers interlaced through mine, examining them for a moment. “One of my boys...a girl came forward and made a sexual assault claim yesterday.”

I tried not to freeze. I wasn’t sure if he noticed when my hand suddenly went limp, but his eyes were still locked onto our hands as if he were contemplating much more than just how large his were compared to mine. “Oh. Shit, I’m sorry, Ni. What...what’s happening?”

His nose wrinkled. “They’re getting him off the team, that’s what. I’m not going to have someone like that representing our team. He’ll go to the dean next week to talk about expulsion.”

“And the girl?” I asked softly.

“I don’t know, Rose. She’ll have to...Christ, she’ll carry this around for the rest of her life. I’ve assured her that his place on the team is nonexistent, but she didn’t look like she believed me.”

“So you didn’t think...she was pathetic or anything?”

“Pathetic? Jesus, Rose, no. I just feel like shit that she was even put in that position at all.”

I squeezed his hand tightly. He didn’t know why my fingers turned from a caress to a grip, but he squeezed my fingers back even so.

The truth was, his words meant more to me than he’d ever know. But it also made me sad. For the girl, for me, and for anyone else who ever had to deal with something like that. I knew I didn’t deserve to place myself on the same caliber as the girl Niall was talking about. She’d been assaulted, and all Kent ever did was corner me in his office to exchange a promotion for sex. Still, knowing how Niall felt about it made things a little easier. There was no question on whether the player would still be on the team. He would just be...gone. No questions asked.

“You’re a good guy, Niall,” I whispered softly.

“It’s not a matter of being a good guy or not. It’s a matter of being a decent human being.”

Lily appeared in the kitchen before either of us could continue with our conversation, which was probably for the best. “Morning. Smells good, Rose,” Lily commented, coming over to stand by Niall. She wrapped her arms around the back of his shoulders and gave him a squeeze, kissing his cheek. “You smell good,” she mentioned to him.

He didn’t blush, which was weird because Niall always blushed when someone complimented him. He just grinned and let out a little chuckle. “Thanks, Lil. You’re dripping all over me.”

Lily usually let her hair air dry while she ate breakfast and then ran the dryer over it. It locked in enough of her curls to make it stylishly wavy, but not dry it enough so that they straightened out. She had it down to a science. “Sorry,” she said sheepishly, pulling away and lovingly wiping off a bit of water droplets from Niall’s shirt. The salmon color darkened to a burnt coral with the water, but it would be dry in a matter of minutes, so Niall didn’t look like he minded terribly. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Eggs, coffee, and I was going to cut up some of that fruit,” I announced, grabbing said fruit from the fridge. Lily usually kept her fridge pretty stocked with fruit, so she had several berries and a couple of assorted melon slices.

“Where’s the bacon?” Niall groaned.

“We have some microwaveable bacon, but I doubt you want that.”

He wrinkled his nose. If there was one thing Niall hated, it was the shitty pre-cooked bacon Lily bought. I didn’t mind the taste of it, personally, and appreciated its convenience. Niall was a firm believer that bacon should take time and love. “I’m fine with eggs and fruit.”

“That’s what I thought.” Cutting the fruit and not cutting my finger proved to be a task, but I accomplished it and put all the berries and melons on a plate. The eggs, which had been taken off heat during my fruit-cutting, were still warm, so I put them onto individual plates and handed them off to Lily and Niall. “Bon appetit.”

“A meal fit for a king,” Niall exclaimed. He was always too generous when describing my cooking. I wasn’t terrible and my food was almost always edible, but I wasn’t going to become a chef anytime soon. “Thanks, Rosebud.”

The morning continued on as usual, with Lily leaving Niall and I to keep each other company while she went about her morning routine. There was no more discussion on the girl that had come forward about Niall’s student athlete, but I could tell by the duller color of his eyes that it was still weighing heavy on his mind. Which was why when he was looking away and getting things situated for his day at work, I took the Sharpie and scribbled out “you’re a great role model for the students” with about a thousand x’s and o’s underneath it. He grinned and pressed a kiss to my hair when he saw it, and claimed “he’d keep the cup until the end of time, Rosebud.”

But Niall couldn’t hide his disappointment and sorrow. Which, in retrospect, might have been the reason that he had chosen a horror movie. It was probably a last minute decision.

I wasn’t sure what the title of the movie was, but it was some gory and bloody thing with demonic possession. Our families had varying reactions to the film. Greg was falling in and out of sleep, while his parents on the other side of him were cringing at the film. My parents, who had grown up with horror films, seemed to be genuinely enjoying it, letting out little ohs and ahs when something interesting happened. Violet just stared at the screen with the indifference of a Gen Z child, typing away at her phone whenever the plot got too boring for her to handle.

It was only about forty minutes into the movie when Violet nudged my foot with hers and gestured towards the kitchen with her chin. Things had been back to normal between the two of us, the vulnerable night of sleeping by her side long forgotten. I was honestly thankful for the usual attitude. If she started treating me like some frail thing, I might have burst into tears. I had always prided myself on being a strong person, and I was obsessed with Violet and Lily seeing me in the same light. So when we had woken up the next morning, Violet with drool down her chin and my hair in a wild disarray, I wished she would say something normal.

I believe her exact words had been “Jesus, you have bad morning breath,” before she had promptly rolled over to face away from me.

Still, I followed her to the kitchen, Niall’s eyes on me questioningly when Violet and I walked away from the family. I shrugged my shoulders, unaware as to what Violet wanted as much as he was. Unlike Lily and Niall’s apartments, my childhood home had a kitchen separated by a thick wall, so maybe Violet wanted some advice on Selma and Eric and needed privacy.

When we arrived to the kitchen, however, I did not expect the turn our conversation took.

Without saying anything, she walked to her purse and pulled out a slip of paper, handing it to me.

“Am I supposed to know what this is?”

“It’s the health specialist at my university. She has a practice outside of the school, so I asked for her office number.”

I stared at it, a little more than confused. “Alright. Cool. What am I supposed to do with it?”

“She’s a psychologist.”

The paper suddenly felt like a weight in my hand. I gaped at her, mouth open like a fish as she stared at me, almost daring me to give it back to her. Which I tried to do almost instantaneously. “I don’t need this, Violet. Save it for someone who actually does.”

“Seeing a therapist isn’t a bad thing, Rose. She can help with the whole Kent thing. She’s been helping me a lot and I really like her, so I think you will too.”

“I’m sure she’s a wonderful lady, but I don’t need to see her.” I crossed my arm over my chest, only after setting the unwanted phone number on the countertop. “This was a little invasive of you.”

“It wasn’t invasive. It’s me trying to help. You’ve got some shit you need to deal with, as do I, and she can help. I mean, she’s no miracle worker, but it would be nice to talk to someone about what happened.”

My mouth went dry. “Violet, nothing happened. People have had it much worse than I have.” I thought about this morning, about Niall’s defeated face when he told me about the girl at the college. “He didn’t...he didn’t assault me or anything. He just made some lewd comments. It isn’t enough to see someone over, trust me.”

“Rose, you’re nearly twenty-five and you have to sleep with someone else in the room.”

I knew deep down that Violet was coming from a place of love, just like all her other jabs and pokes did. But this felt too personal for me to brush off. I had opened up to her that night at Lily’s, and she was throwing it back in my face. “You didn’t have to come into my room that night,” I said defensively, and I wondered if she could tell my voice was ten times icier than it had been before.

“I’m not trying to attack you or anything—”

“That’s what it feels like.”

Lily must have sensed that Violet and I in a kitchen alone would stir some trouble. She came in only seconds later, raising an eyebrow at the two of us. “Having a party in here without me?”

“I gave Rose the therapist’s number and she’s refusing to take it,” Violet commented.

“Keep your voice down,” I hissed.

“You gave it to her in the middle of the Horan-Fairbrough family night?” Lily asked incredulously. I was happy that she seemed to be as confused as I was, but then her words actually caught up to me.

“You knew?” I asked, turning to face my big sister. “Did you tell her what a bad idea it was?” Lily looked at me, her lips pressed together in a thin line. When she didn’t speak for a few moments, I knew. Maybe it was stupid to feel the stab of betrayal, but I did. “You told her to do it.”

“She was mentioning how much her therapist has helped her with college and I thought it might be beneficial to you. I didn’t know she was going to give it to you during family night.”

Lily never went behind my back. About anything. She and I were always open books with one another. So hearing that she had gone out of her way to ask Violet do this made me feel like shit. “I thought you were fine with me staying at your place?” I couldn’t keep the childlike whine out of my voice. I had never thought that Lily disliked having me in her apartment, but maybe she did. Maybe she had asked Violet about this because she wanted to get rid of me.

“Of course I am, Rose! That’s not the point of this,” Lily was quick to assure me. “I just think talking about it might help.”

I felt like someone had just pulled the rug out from under me. They were asking me to see someone, like I was a giant burden. I would have expected this from Violet, who was always blunt and truthful, but I would have never expected it from Lily. Lily would have sat me down, brought it up, asked my opinions, and then let it go when it seemed like it was something I didn’t want. “Right. Well, I don’t think it will, so let’s drop it and go watch the rest of the movie.”

“Okay,” Lily said, reaching out to rub my shoulder comfortingly. “Yeah, we’ll go back out.”

“No,” Violet mentioned, her posture hard and defiant. “I’m not letting you walk back out there until you take the phone number. Lily may baby you about this, but I’m not going to.”

“Violet,” Lily chastised.

“You let her get away with so much shit, Lil. And then the one time we dare request she do something to help herself, you act like her word is final. You’ve got some serious shit going on, Rose. You need to let it out before it eats you alive.”

“Right now, all I need is to exit this conversation. A conversation, might I remind you, that our parents and Niall don’t know about,” I snapped angrily.

“What don’t I know about?”

Perfect. When I turned, Niall was standing in the kitchen, hip leaning against the counter with the empty bowl of popcorn in his hands. His hair was tousled, most likely from Theo running his fingers through it playfully earlier on in the dinner portion of the night, and he was wearing a flannel that looked soft to the touch. He also looked adorably confused at our conversation.

“Nothing, Ni,” Lily commented, sending a quiet look towards Violet to remind her to keep her mouth shut. Violet huffed impatiently, but luckily shut her mouth. “Need me to get more popcorn?”

“Yeah, Greg’s fat arse ate most of it.” Lily took the bowl from him and got another bag from the pantry, placing it in the microwave. “What are my favorite girls discussing?”

“Rose’s job,” Lily deflected, sending a blinding smile towards Niall, as if that was going to stop him from asking questions. “The hotel’s offering her a couple of free rooms and she was going to use them for our parents’ anniversary. She wanted it to be a surprise, so you can’t tell them, got it?”

“That’s sweet of you, Rosebud. I won’t tell them, promise.”

“Thanks, Ni,” I breathed out. Violet rolled her eyes.

I knew this conversation was far from over. Violet was glaring at me and Lily was looking at me like she was apologetically about to burst into tears, but all I wanted to do was curl back up on the floor and finish the stupid movie. I knew there would be no more getting scared tonight, due to the fact that I wouldn’t be paying attention to the rest of the film, so I was safe from any nightmares I might have had about a possessed demon child. But the tension hung from the three of us like albatrosses, and it continued as we slowly made our way back to the living room.

“Need me to hold your hand again, Rosebud?” Niall joked. I mustered up a small smile, putting the popcorn bowl between us again. I ignored my sister as they sat back down, Lily for once not cuddling up to Niall’s side. He stared back and forth between the two of us. “Something wrong?” he whispered towards me.

“Nope.”

“That wasn’t very convincing.”

“Drop it, Niall.”

He seemed taken aback by my shortness. His jaw ticked, a sure sign that I knew he was either embarrassed or annoyed, and nodded at me, leaning back against the couch. He didn’t look in my direction for the rest of the film, and while I felt shitty about being so snappish, I couldn’t bring myself to stop. My sisters had somehow ruined my night in one fell swoop.

There was a reason I didn’t talk about what happened at Barkley’s. On top of me being completely done with the situation emotionally, I was also incredibly embarrassed. How had I not noticed that Kent seemed to favor me simply because he thought I was cute? All of the times he had complimented my work ethic, made me feel like I was one of the best employees, and the consecutive months of being employee of the month (which wasn’t a feat because there were only three of us and the other three hardly made their goal sales), he had just been doing it because he wanted to have sex with me.

It made me feel useless.

And if there was one thing I hated most in the world, it was feeling useless.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered to Niall, trying to keep my voice soft so my parents wouldn’t overhear. “You caught me in a bad mood, and I shouldn’t take it out on you.”

“No,” he agreed, “you shouldn’t.” But he held up his palm, an invitation. I relaxed immediately, threading my fingers through his and cuddling up against his side.

He didn’t let go the entirety of family night, his little reassurance that we were okay.

I was willing myself not to leave my bed.

Like usual, I had woken up about three hours after falling asleep. The apartment was quiet and a little chilly, so cuddling up next to Lily’s side would have solved all my problems. But my head continued to revolve around the conversation with Violet and Lily, and now I felt like I was just going to be a burden if I went into her room and bothered her.

The ride back to the apartment from the Horan-Fairbrough family night had been quiet. Lily had kept the volume low so I could talk to her if I wanted to, but there hadn’t been anything to say. Knowing Lily as well as I did, I knew she was feeling guilty. But I couldn’t bring myself to talk about the night’s events with her.

Now, sitting alone in my bed, I wished I would have.

I shifted my weight, moving so I was laying on my side and facing the door to my room. In the year that I’d been here, I’d made it my own. I had pictures and plants on my shelves, I had brought in a bookcase, and there was art hung on my walls with command strips so I wouldn’t have to put a nail through the wall. This room was my safe space, like nothing bad from the outside world could ever get me when I was in here.

Violet’s words rang in my head.

My hands were on my phone before I could really process what was happening. I scrolled through the Facetime app until I came across Niall’s information, clicking on the silly little photo I’d set as his contact photo. On bated breath, I waited for Niall to answer the phone call. I should have known better than to feel nervous. Niall was the type of guy to always answer, no matter what time of night it was.

Which was why I was staring into a grainy version of his bright blue eyes only seconds later.

“Rosebud,” he grumbled, groggy from sleep. His hair was mussed, his eyes half closed, and he was shirtless. I couldn’t see much because the blanket covered most of his chest, but I still grew a little warm. “What time is it?”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, shaking my head, feeling incredibly foolish. “I shouldn’t have woken you up.”

There was something in the tone of my voice that had him sitting up, eyes opening a little wider. A cute yawn escaped his mouth, but he looked more awake than he had when he had initially picked up the phone. “Don’t be stupid,” he said softly, “what’s up?”

“Has...has Lily ever talked to you about not being happy I’m at her place?”

Niall’s eyebrows furrowed. “No. She loves having you there.”

“You don’t think I’m a...a burden?”

“Rosebud,” he said, and his voice was so soft and sweet that it made me want to cry. “You could never be a burden. Where is all of this coming from?”

The tears came faster than I thought they would. I hated crying in front of people. I could probably count on the fingers of one hand the amount of times I’d done it and all of them had been in front of Lily. Lily, who I knew wouldn’t judge me for it. Niall wouldn’t judge me either, of that I was sure, but I still felt like a stupid little kid when the first tear spilled over.

“God, Rose, please don’t cry. I can’t handle it when you cry.” At the look on my face, he let out a small laugh. “Not because you’re a burden, Rose. Just because seeing you cry honestly breaks my heart.”

“I’m sorry,” I managed to stutter out.

“Don’t be sorry, Rose. Just dry those big brown eyes and talk to me. What’s going on?” I couldn’t answer for a few moments, still trying to stifle my cries so I wouldn’t wake Lily up. I saw Niall start to move on his bed, before I heard his voice. “I’m coming over there.”

“No,” I said immediately, shaking my head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t call to bother you.”

“When are you going to get it through that thick head of yours that you aren’t a burden to me?” he asked, rolling his eyes. “I won’t come if you don’t want me to. But I’ve got to know what’s going on, Rosebud. You’re worrying me a little.”

Once I calmed my tears a little, I sniffled so I wouldn’t look like a complete fool with snot dripping down my nose. “In the kitchen earlier, Violet made a subtle dig that Lily might not like having me here. Like I’m a burden to have. I just...I know you know her better than anyone, and maybe she felt like she couldn’t share her real feelings with me. So I wanted to ask you and see if she’d said anything. You know Lily. she wouldn’t tell me to my face if that’s how she felt because she’s too nice.”

“She is too nice. But she wouldn’t lie to you about something like this, Rosebud. I know for a fact that she doesn’t hate having you there, though. You’ve got to know that.”

I nodded hopelessly, rolling my eyes at myself. “And I just feel so stupid because I can’t sleep unless I’m with someone. That’s why I asked you to stay at your apartment. The idea of sleeping alone terrifies me. But Violet has me paranoid that Lily doesn’t want me here, so I don’t want to wake her up and bother her.”

“Lily won’t mind,” Niall said softly. He was leaning back against his pillows. Sometime during my crying, he had turned on his lamp and basked in the soft yellow light. No one looked good in that awful yellow light, but somehow Niall managed. “But I could stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep, if you want,” he continued.

“I don’t want you to pity me or think I’m pathetic, either.”

“Rose, I don’t think I’ve met anyone stronger. You take everything in stride and still have a smile on your face. It’s more likely that I’m going to be in complete awe of you.”

My breath caught in my throat, stuck in the center like I needed to swallow it down. His words filled me with the kind of reassurance and comfort I needed at this exact moment, and I sighed when the warmth of his words hit me. “You always know what to say, Niall.”

He laughed. “Not true. I feel like I’m a bumbling mess around you most of the time.”

Frowning, I shook my head. “You’re one of the most eloquent and well-spoken people I’ve ever met. I always value your opinions and advice.” I moved myself back against my pillows, laying on my side and propping my phone up on my nightstand so I didn’t have to hold it up while I conversed with Niall. “You’ll make someone a very happy girl someday.”

I saw the way his eyes softened, like he was lost in a memory. They were the color of the sky in the morning, right when the sun was rising and it was cast in a warm yellow glow. “I don’t know,” he said, raising a hand to the back of his neck. His cheeks, like they normally were when someone complimented him, were an endearing pink. “There’s...there’s really only one girl’s opinion I care about.”

I wanted to sit up straight and demand he tell me more, but I refrained. I knew that acting suddenly might spook him into not telling me. “I didn’t know you liked someone.”

“Like…” he trailed off, shaking his head and letting out a little laugh. It sounded like the word wasn’t sufficient enough for what he was feeling. “Yeah. Yeah, I like her.”

“Tell me about her,” I encouraged, my voice as soft as I could make it.

“You don’t want to hear about this, Rose.”

“I always want to hear about what’s going on in your life.”

He groaned, running his hand through his hair. “I shouldn’t have even said anything.”

“Don’t make me pull the Fairbrough puppy dog eyes.”

“Not the Fairbrough eyes,” he gasped dramatically, clutching his hand to his chest as the both of us let out small laughs. Then, he sobered up, his smile turning a little more soft and caring. “She’s great. Driven, strong, stubborn. She’s got this crazy loyalty to her family, like no other. And she’s probably the most gorgeous fucking girl I’ve ever seen in my life.”

He was describing Lily almost perfectly. I felt the smile growing on my face. As Lily’s sister who wanted the absolute best for her, I knew that Niall was it. He was kind, almost to a fault. He would never hurt her intentionally. The way he revered her...it was how I’d always wanted someone to look at me. “She sounds incredibly special.”

“She is.”

The question was burning on the tip of my tongue, begging to be asked. But these things took time. I didn’t want to scare him away from his feelings for Lily by discussing them, so I let the subject drop. “She’d better get ready to be a babysitter for Horan-Fairbrough family nights. I think Greg passed Theo onto me the second I walked through the door. How that man became a father, I’ll never know.”

He laughed, but there was something off about it, like he was disappointed in the subject change. “Must be because you’re so good with kids.”

“I’m shit with kids. Greg’s just fucking lazy.”

That seemed to bring the smile back to his face and he let out a chuckle that sounded like melted chocolate and sunshine and everything else good in the world. Lily would never be lacking in the husband department when she and Niall got married (because let’s be honest, it was an inevitability). He was the entire package, gifted in every area. He would be the kindest, the handsomest, the funniest.

I didn’t expect the pang that went through me.

I’d always wanted what Niall and Lily had. The easy friendship and the fiery passion (I imagined there was fiery passion, I’d never personally seen it) and the desperate longing. I wanted someone to look at me the way they looked at each other and talk about me the way Niall talked about Lily now. It was how Patrick and Niamh looked at each other. It was how my mother and father looked at each other.

It felt so impossible, so far away for me, that it made my heart curl in my chest.

“Tell me what’s going on in that head,” he whispered, and he must have thought I had fallen asleep by the look on my face. I blinked, giving him a soft smile.

“Just thinking.” I heard another voice, something grainy and staticy and narrowed my eyes. “Are you watching TV? I didn’t know my company bored you so much.”

Niall shrugged. “It’s Dawson’s Creek, Rosebud. You’d do the same thing.”

I laughed, snuggling up further against my pillows. “What episode?”

“The one where Joey and Pacey kiss for the first time.”

“Okay, but the car kiss or the fireside kiss?”

“The fireside, obviously.”

“That’s not technically their first kiss,” I pointed out.

“It’s the one that matters,” he countered. “Can you believe there are some idiots who would prefer Joey with Dawson?”

“The horror,” I agreed, rolling my eyes. “Say some of the lines for me so I know what’s going on.”

“I’m not going to talk over one of the best scenes in television history.” He took one glance at my pleading face and groaned. “I hate you, you know that?”

“No you don’t. If it’s the fireside scene, I have this one memorized. You be Pacey and I’ll be Joey.”

He rolled his eyes, but turned back to the television. His voice came through just seconds after Pacey’s did. “The only reason that you don’t have the answers is because you’ve been too scared to ask yourself the right questions.” I recognized the line right away.

“What are you talking about?” I replied, grinning when he gave me a look, as if asking do I really have to do this?

“Look!” he suddenly exclaimed, making me laugh and stifle it into my pillow so I didn’t wake up Lily. “I know how I feel. You know how I feel. That much is obvious by now. But during this whole process, we’ve managed to miss the point. Because the point is not how I feel, it’s how you feel. So how do you feel?”

“It’s so obvious she loves him back.”

“Oi! If I have to do the lines, you have to do the lines too.”

“Awful!” I copied his exaggeration and heard him chuckle. “That’s how I feel Niall—”

“We’re supposed to be Pacey and Joey!”

“I’m adding flair! That’s how I feel Niall, I feel awful.”

“So do I. When I was kissing you tonight, I don’t think I’ve ever felt better and worse in my entire life. I mean, the very idea that...who should be Dawson and Andy?”

“Patrick and Niamh.”

He raised a brow. “Hopefully Niamh and Patrick aren’t cheating on each other with the two of us.”

“Just finish it!”

“The very idea that Niamh or Patrick could find out about us is killing me. It is tearing me up on the inside to have these feelings for you, but I can’t get rid of them. I can’t keep on kissing you, Rose.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean just that. I can’t keep on kissing you. Alright, I’ve done it twice now! I can’t be the one who’s always initiating this. I can’t be the one who’s always giving you all the answers. Look at me, Rose.”

“Shit I forgot the next line.”

“What a shit Dawson’s Creek fan you are. I thought you knew all the lines.”

“Shut up,” I laughed, pausing the Facetime so I could look up the exact scene lines. “I can’t,” I said dramatically, finding the lines easily and returning to the Facetime so I could see Niall giving me a deadpan look.

“Please,” he recited. I went to go find the script again but he protested. “You’re supposed to be looking at me! You’re not a very good Joey.”

“It’s your line anyway.”

“If you felt even one shred of what I feel for you...then we wouldn’t be standing here having this conversation.”

There wasn’t another line for me to reply with, as Pacey and Joey had finally kissed, so I looked at Niall with a grin on my face. He was staring at me, something unreadable in his eyes. I knew that our game of reciting lines was over in the way that his eyes burned and his mouth turned downwards at the corners. I wished more than anything that he was here so I could reach out and embrace him, reassure him that there was no possible way that Lily didn’t love him back. He didn’t have to be heartbroken anymore.

“Unrequited love is a bitch,” I said in a whisper.

“I thought you said it was obvious that Joey loved him,” he replied.

“It is. I just meant...in general. It’s a bitch. But we should still tell the people we love that we love them. Life’s too short.”

He swallowed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

It was silent between us. I didn’t ask Niall to recite any more lines and he didn’t ask me to join in. He just sat and watched his TV and I just sat and watched him. Eventually, my eyes slowly closed and I drifted off into sleep.

I heard him whisper a “goodnight, Rosebud,” before I completely fell.

I woke up, for the first time in the past year, alone in my bed.

When my eyes opened, I blearily glanced at my clock. If waking up by myself hadn’t surprised me enough for one morning, then I would have been surprised at how late I had slept in. Most days I was up around the same time as Lily, since I could never go back to sleep if she started making lots of noise. Looking at my clock now, my eyes widened a little bit when I saw it was just four minutes past nine, which meant Lily and Niall had already been at work for an hour.

I allowed myself only five minutes to stay cuddled in my blankets before I stood, rubbing my eyes and making my way to the kitchen. The coffee was still out, though it was probably cold. Since I usually didn’t eat much for breakfast, I just popped bread in the toaster and poured myself a cup, shoving it in the microwave to heat it up.

Since Lily and I hadn’t really gotten a chance to talk about what had happened, I regarded the little pink Post-It note with hesitance. I knew that she was apologizing. But I still felt a little sad. The betrayal and anger had left me last night, as I was falling asleep with Niall humming something in the background. I was still furious with Violet and probably would be for the foreseeable future, but it was hard to be mad at Lily when she meant so much to me.

Dinner on me tonight. We’ll hang out and talk. Stopping by the bundt cake place after work and getting white chocolate raspberry. Your fave!! Love you.

I set the note back on the counter and retrieved my cup of coffee. I didn’t have much to do today since it was one of my days off, but I felt too antsy to stay in the house. Deciding to get ready for the day and see where it took me, I headed back towards my room with my plate and coffee cup in my hand.

I wondered how Niall was doing. Today was the day that they were meeting with the dean to discuss the expulsion status of the sexual assaulter. Knowing him, he would be incredibly stressed and worried about the whole ordeal.

Which was why I found myself standing in the donut shop thirty minutes later.

“Rose!” The owner, Matilda, said. She was a larger woman with pretty dark skin and incredibly white teeth. “Nice to see you. Day off?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“You here for Lily and Niall’s favorites?”

“Just Niall today. I’ll get four of his favorites. He’s meeting with the dean at his job about a student and I thought he could use the pick me up.”

Matilda grinned at me. “You are too sweet. Niall’s lucky to have you.”

“I’m the lucky one,” I responded. And it was true. I was so incredibly lucky to have Niall in my life.

She walked back towards the display cases, grabbing a vanilla cake with chocolate frosting donut, sprinkled with coconut shavings. Niall could devour three of them in a minute. As she loaded up the to-go box with the donuts, she added in a maple bar for me. “How long have y’all been together?”

It took me a moment to process her question. I blinked at her, giving her a confused smile. “Oh, Niall and I aren’t together. He’s in love with my sister, Lily.”

Matilda’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “No shit? I could have sworn he was all moon-eyed over you. When you used to come in here with him back when you in school, he would stare at you with the most adorable look on his face.”

I laughed. “Knowing him, he was looking longingly at the donut I was holding. He and Lily are soulmates. Our whole family has a bet on when they’re going to get together.”

She handed me the box, accepting the tenner I passed over the counter. “You know, my David just got married. Nice girl. They moved to New York, so they’re too far away, but I just found out she’s pregnant.”

“Grandma Matilda. It’s got a ring to it,” I joked.

“I could have sworn he was going to end up with his childhood friend, Zoe. They did everything together when they were younger. They’re still super close. In fact, she and Clarissa, the new wife, hit it off. Zoe was the maid of honor.” I didn’t really realize the point of her story, but I didn’t care. I could listen to Matilda talk for ages. She was just someone you wanted to listen to. “If I had made bets on Zoe and David, I would have lost.”

“I might lose because of the timing,” I countered, shuffling with the change she handed me, “but they’re definitely getting together.”

Matilda shooed me out of the shop with a wave of her hand and a threat that if I didn’t come visit her soon, she’d drag me out of the apartment by herself. I just grinned and got another Uber to take me to the college.

Niall’s coworkers knew Lily like the back of their hands. They were always wondering who it was that Niall was taking out to lunch. However, they didn’t know me. Which was why when I walked into the athletics building of the college and asked to see Niall, the secretary looked at me a little strangely.

“Sure,” she said hesitantly, like she didn’t think Niall knew anyone else besides Lily. “Just fill out this sign-in sheet and let me print you out a visitor sticker.” I filled out the sheet and handed it back to her. The second she saw my last name, she understood. “Oh. Fairbrough. You Lily’s sister?”

“Guilty.”

“He might still be in the meeting with the dean, but feel free to wait in his office. If he is still in the meeting, it won’t be long. Ten minutes tops.”

Offering my thanks, I made my way through the building. It was decorated with sports jerseys from the college, as well as professional jerseys. I realized I had never been in Niall’s office before, so when I walked in, I was a little surprised to see how open and spacious it was. Obviously I didn’t think he worked in a tiny little cramped space, but there were large windows on one wall and his desk only took up a quarter of the room, meaning he still had a good amount of space for filing cabinets and things of the like. I sat in one of the chairs on the opposite side of the desk, admiring the pictures and little knick knacks that littered his space. Just like in his room, the frame he had next to his computer had pictures of he and his family and my sisters and I.

The door opened and slammed shut. Niall hadn’t noticed me yet, but he was pinching the bridge of his nose and looked like he had the headache of the century. I heard him let out a tiny curse before he opened his eyes and all anger melted away from his face, leaving only confusion.

“Rose?” he asked softly, like I was a figment of the imagination.

“Hi Niall!” I greeted cheerily, ignoring how wrong it felt when he didn’t call me Rosebud. “I brought donuts.”

He ignored the proffered white box, instead marching forward with purpose and wrapping his arms around me. A surprised grunt left my mouth, but he clutched me like I was a lifeline and I immediately wrapped my arms around his back. I let him cling to me, sensing it was something he needed. Honestly, I probably needed it too. It was nice to be held and know that Niall wanted to keep me safe from any harm.

“That bad?” I whispered into his shoulder.

“They had us talk to the girl afterwards. She had a meltdown. It was horrifying to watch.” His grip on my waist tightened.

“I figured it would be bad. I brought donuts,” I said again, weakly.

“Don’t need donuts,” he stated, “just need you.”

“I’m here.”

I couldn’t begin to fathom the moments we stood there, just gripping onto one another. Occasionally, his hand would move from my waist to my hair, tangling there and drawing me even closer, like he couldn’t believe I was there. My forehead pressed into his shirt, a pretty lilac color. One of the many things I loved about Niall was that he wasn’t afraid to wear color. The purple soothed me a little bit, even though I hadn’t come into his work wanting to be soothed.

Eventually, he pulled away. His eyes were red and he looked on the verge of tears. “What’re you doing here?” he asked gruffly, his voice low from emotion.

I reached out and grabbed his hand, not wanting the contact between us to end. He laced our fingers together immediately. “I knew today would be tough. And you were so supportive and...there for me last night that I wanted to do the same for you.”

“You don’t have to pay me back for last night, Rose. I wanted to.”

“And I wanted to help today,” I argued, shoving the box of donuts at him once more. He smiled and took them. “Matilda has threatened to come hunt us down if we don’t come in more often.”

“I don’t need to be seeing Matilda on a daily basis unless she wants to roll me out of the building.” He sat at his desk, across from me, and dug into his donuts. I wondered if he had been too nervous to eat anything that morning, despite the fact that Lily made them breakfast.

“I realized I’ve never been in your office,” I commented as he ate. “I love it. It’s bigger than I expected.”

“Yeah, it’s a pretty decent setup. I can give you a tour of the campus later, if you’d like.”

I nodded enthusiastically. Though I’d known Niall nearly all my life, I’d never really been around the campus he worked at. I’d been once or twice for a class that they offered when spots at my own college were limited, but that was it.

He reached into the box and handed me my maple bar, along with a couple of napkins so I wouldn’t get his desk sticky. We ate in comfortable silence, him looking over some documents and me just enjoying being in his presence. Once I had taken my last bite and he had shuffled his papers around, he cleared his throat and gestured towards the door.

“C’mon, we’ve got a pretty decent coffee place and I know the pot was probably cold when you woke up. Microwaved coffee is shit.”

“It was fine.” I shrugged. I hadn’t minded it that morning, more focused on my plan to comfort Niall.

“Bullshit,” he said, giving me a grin that for some reason did weird things to my heart. Holding out his hand, I laced our fingers together as he led us out of his office. The secretary’s eyes nearly popped out when she saw us together, leaning over to whisper something quickly to a coworker that was sitting at the front desk. It made me a little uncomfortable, but Niall pulled me along quickly so I didn’t have time to dwell.

The college was gorgeous. I could admit that. It was even prettier than the own college I attended. When Violet had been applying for colleges, this had been one of her main contenders because of how gorgeous it was. Ultimately, it didn’t have a veterinarian program like the college I attended. Therefore, she was at my alma mater. Still, as Niall pointed things out with the hand that wasn’t holding mine, I made sure to comment on how pretty the layout of it was.

“Hey, Mr. H!” I heard someone shout when we started walking towards the little coffee stand outside of one of the buildings. Niall blushed a little at being called “mister” in front of me; it was as endearing as every other time he blushed when he was complimented. The kid walking towards us waved his hand enthusiastically.

“What’s up, Jordan?” Niall asked, grasping Jordan’s hand and pulling him into that guy hug I’d seen him do many times before to his brother. “Aren’t you supposed to be in Styles’ class right now?”

Jordan was a muscular kid with shoulder-length brown hair and pretty dark brown eyes. “Nah, he cancelled today. My girlfriend and I were going to get some coffee and then see a movie. She’s technically got Payne in twenty minutes, but they’re just doing an optional extra credit quiz.” I saw his eyes wander over to me, wondering who the girl with Mr. H was.

“Jordan, this is my friend, Rose. Rose, this is Jordan. He’s probably one of the best baseball players this college has seen in a while.”

I didn’t know shit about baseball, but I smiled. “Nice to meet you, Jordan.” His hand engulfed mine comically when he shook it. “I’ll give you a tenner if you call him Mr. H again. He got so red.”

Jordan laughed. “We call him Mr. H until he tells our coaches to push us harder. Then we call him names behind his back.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Niall said, waving off Jordan’s comments. “What are you and Poppy getting? I’ll buy.”

“Mr. H, you don’t have to!”

“It’s pointless arguing with him,” I told Jordan, shrugging. “I usually just relish in the free stuff.”

Jordan laughed. “In that case, just a vanilla latte and a caramel macchiato.”

Niall didn’t bother asking me for my order, since he knew how I took my coffee. He stepped forward to the cart to order, leaving Jordan and I a little ways back. “So, what’re you studying?” I asked Jordan.

“Kinesiology,” he responded. I was impressed. I could never get into the big sciences. “You?”

“Graduated a couple years back with a business major and marketing minor.”

“Cool. You’re lucky to be such good friends with Mr. H. He’s one of the nicest guys I’ve met. Told me he’d give me a letter of recommendation for my masters program in the fall.”

“Sounds like him,” I agreed. And it did. Niall wouldn’t hesitate to help his athletes. Plus, I imagined for Jordan’s sake that a letter of recommendation from the athletics director of the school was nothing to scoff at.

Niall returned with our coffee, handing Jordan his two drinks. “We’ve got to take off, but come visit me sometime, yeah? Have fun with Poppy.”

“Thanks, Mr. H. I’ll see you later.”

Jordan walked off, leaving the two of us to enjoy our coffee as we made our way through the courtyard of the school. “You really make an impact in these students’ lives.”

He shrugged. “A lot of directors are removed from the teams. They let the coaches do all the work. I want to be involved in the careers of the athletes. Feel like I helped them in some way.”

I grinned, taking his hand and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He squeezed me into his side. “You help everyone in every way. It’s pretty much impossible to meet you and not be affected in the best of ways.”

That blush came again and I smiled at the sight of it. “You’ve got to stop complimenting me. It’ll all go to my head.”

He wasn’t expecting the shove, but after he finished being dramatic about how I could have killed him, he wrapped his arm around me again and I caught him smiling.

I realized I hadn’t thought of the situation with Kent, my lackluster job, or my sisters once.

#wildflower #wf #1dff #niall horan au #niall horan fanfiction

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