#That you'll stand by me forever
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I swear I could fix John and Paul by time-travelling to Key West in September 1964 and playing them Long Live by Taylor Swift while they sob in each other's arms.
#May these memories break our fall#Will you take a moment#Promise me this#That you'll stand by me forever#But if God forbid fate should step in#And force us into a goodbye#If you have children some day#When they point to the pictures#Please tell them my name#Tell them how the crowds went wild#Tell them how I hope they shine#<- tell me that wouldn't permanently alter their DNA if they heard that drunk+cuddling#fiona.docx#swiftles#beatles crack#jp
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This song always makes me emotional 🥲🌌🤍 I'm listening to it rn as my heart aches but in a good way.
One day, we will be remembered
TAYLOR SWIFT performs LONG LIVE (TAYLOR'S VERSION) for the first time ▸ The Eras Tour — Kansas City, Missouri (Night 1) | July 7, 2023
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listen if we brat summer our way out of fascism I'll fuckin take it
#ravi rants#historically speaking the best way to shut down asshats that violate the social contract of tolerance is to mock them#idk man maybe I have a different perspective on all of this because I'm part of the desi diaspora#but like.... so Indians won't always obviously call out violations of social decorum#if you're making an idiot of yourself or you're making a scene. other people will stand by and let you do it.#my therapist and I talk about me coming from a high-context Asianic cultural background like I do a lot actually#because the thing about Indian decorum is that. like.#one. you protect yours. if your friend is actively intervening in on something there's a reason and it might be helpful#but two. if someone's breaking decorum.... we allow them to do so in order to figure out why.#if someone's ex is crashing a wedding and successfully gets the floor they'll get heard out#and everyone will be paying attention#because the thing is those kinds of overt violations of decorum usually happen for a reason....#Indian soap operas are A Lot™ but listen. a party might be the right time to call someone out on being abusive or manipulative#because the whistleblower can be escorted away to safety by them and theirs.#and usually you have to be able to know enough decorum to get to the point where you make a scene#and Indians respect the hustle. we'll hear you out.#the Hindu gods are notorious for being like 'alright smart guy. here's your wish.'#the gods will readily admit if they've been outwitted#but you're an idiot if you think you'll get away with fucking with the natural chaos of samsara and karma forever :)#however. there's also Hindu parables of asuras and dumbass humans realizing they fucked up and taking the L with grace#and the gods respect that#but lol. fascists aren't respectful.#Richard Spencer shut the fuck up after we all saw him get punched#conservatives are having a mental breakdown over being called weird while insisting that a cis woman is a man#and I'd like to remind everyone that the social role of a court jester is to keep everyone humble#bc dude. if you're getting butthurt over the clown ribbing you. maybe calm the fuck down? look in the mirror?#you may be a king but the larger the seat you hold#the better your toilet plumbing should be
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oh no have I just started my tinnitus arc
#the music through my right earphone suddenly just got quieter and when i take the earphone out there is a very vague ringing#hopefully it's not permanent#hashtag musician life like#i remember one of the lecturers at uni telling us about the importance of wearing earplugs on stage and made us all paranoid with#a story about some guy he knew who happened to stand too close to the cymbals one gig and it ruined his hearing forever#so now i wear ear protection at any gig even if i'm not playing#but listening to music through earphones i have been irresponsible about it since i first put an earphone in my ear in 2011#and now I've probably got tinnitus#most likely bc i can't listen to the recommended volume on my phone bc it sounds too quiet for me. which is probably a sign#LISTEN TO MUSIC AT SAFE VOLUMES KIDS AND WEAR EARPLUGS TO GIGS OR YOU'LL END UP LIKE FUTURE ME PROBABLY#ramble
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long live (taylor’s version) hits different with the bangtan book drop. i will never think of anything but them while listening to this song truly
#'when they gave us our trophies and we held them up for our town'#'and the cynics were outraged screaming this is absurd'#'will you take a moment promise me this'#'that you'll stand by me forever'#anyways im sobbing. thanks#.txt
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it’ll forever not be not thrilling for me when Taylor mentions that she saw fans’ faces during speak now tour bc I’m pretty sure she saw mine at my show we made brief eye contact during B-stage Fearless performance. that was the most magical feeling like for a few seconds she knew you exist and she knew you love her so much that your face looks like PURE HAPPINESS bc of her the love between you and Taylor Swift is SO REAL
#AND.#you know that the love will never die bc you were there when she asked:#'promise me this that you'll stand by me forever'#you WERE THERE.#you SCREAMED YOUR LUNGS OUT#you just can't break a promise like that#it's physically not possible
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The main thing about IDW OP that I'm on my hands and knees begging people to understand is to actually treat him like a fucking character and give him the nuanced understanding that this fandom gives to other characters just fine. Like, I s2g the reason no one even talks about IDW OP is because at the first sign of him making mistakes or having a flawed worldview (you know, like a REAL PERSON and not a cartoon caricature) they instantly bail and go "zomg worst Optimus ever".
Like please for fuck's sake IDW1 is a story steeped in realism and moral grayness can you stop for ONE SECOND and realize that IDW OP being a little bit of an asshole or making big mistakes doesn't instantly make him the worst character ever and maybe take the time to actually read his story? B/c half the shit people say about IDW OP makes it obvious that they've only read MTMTE and LL (badly, might I add) and it annoys the shit out of me
#discourse#squiggposting#in the eyes of this boring ass fandom the ideal OP is a literal cardboard cutout#because no one wants him to do anything except stand in the background and smile and be some Good Guy#i mean for fucks sake it only took 10 episodes of ES a literal children's cartoon for people to instantly be like#'goo goo gaga OP works with a shady organization for the sake of maintaining peace with earth's citizens'#'on a planet that cybertronians came to by force bringing war and destruction with them'#'omg this children's cartoon OP is so bad because he wants to protect humans and makes compromises he doesn't like in order to do so'#like sorry i'm just really mad bc the reason ppl reject IDW OP isn't because of who he is as a character strictly#it's just because he's op/timus pri/me (TM) and he's not allowed to be anything else but perfect and good#that's why mfs are out there stanning objectively shitter characters and acting like adults about it#but when it comes to idw OP being more morally gray they flip their shit or pretend he doesn't exist#baby shhhh it's okay let OP be a person it's fine you'll survive#one single OP who doesn't cater to geewunners and the sensibilities of children's cartoons isn't gonna kill you#we can have more adult transformers stories but god forbid OP be more adult too. he has to be his g1 self now and forever#and if he ever makes compromises or questionable decisions or mistakes then throw him right out of the window. lmao
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#3 am and talking with a friend about the last con I attended and thinking about all the girls cosplaying Chuuya and Dazai I saw...#How as re they doing. Do they know I would die for them#random rambles#Looking at that photo were I'm in the middle of them all awkward and happy and like.#I caught them with beer cups in their hands AND YET THEY WERE SO FABULOUS ABOUT IT. THERE'S THIS DARK ERA DAZAI STANDING SO MAJESTICALLY#WITH A FREAKING PLASTIC CUP IN ONE HAND AND A BRIGHT YELLOW PLASTIC BAG IN THE OTHER AND THEY'RE SO IMPOSSIBLY COOL ABOUT IT.#And Chuuya has this little crouched down pose that is so in character akdvdbakdvjebsks I don't know what those two people are doing now–#but I hope they're sleeping well and no worries will ever hit them#That other skk couple I caught with cotton candy in their hands!!!! I now feel so stupid for offering to old it for them off camera while–#my sister took the photo because it was literally the most adorable skk date scene ever.#But it's okay cause I'll keep it ingrained in my memory forever <3#Anyways if you're a cosplayer of any kind I love you#also shout-out to skk cosplayers for making me ship skk on instant without hesitation or second thoughts#Literally my only regret from that comicon is catching a glimpse of Servant Of Evil Rin#(like. Victorian costume and everything)#from the bus and not urging the driver to stop the bust and go to them#Ghost Evil Kingdom Rin a saw for half second from my bus sit you'll always be in my heart#*Daughter of Evil I don't know why I said servant (actually I know why it's because it's 3am... )#** Also the style of the dress is clearly Baroque-inspired not Victorian that's a whole different thing. Girl go to sleep
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#swear to god if they dont divorce im gonna do some very unfunny things#LEAVE#GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE#i cant stand them arguing daily#every morning every afternoon every night#EVEN AT FUCKING 3AM.#SHUTUP I DONT WANT TO HESR IT FUCKING BE QUIET#GET A DIVORCE AND GO AWAY#I DONT CARE#im not on either side anymore. ones just less wrong than the othe#either way it pisses me off so bad#i cant take this shit anymore#i need tp be old enough to get a car and a job and pack myshit#the SECOND i collect all of those and enough money to live im leaving forever#you'll never see me agao#ill live where i want and never talk to them again#i swear to god#i need them to divorce so badlh#they've done this for years#one day im gonna fucking say it out loud#“we're staying for you” STOP. JUST SPLIT UP SO WE CAN ALL BE HAPY#jesus fucking christ.#ok ooc rant over#delete l8r#vent#rant#loser_txt.png
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seeing The Mountain Goats perform Never Quite Free live would fix everything I just know it
#It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward#With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand#And you'll breathe easier just knowing that the worst is all behind you#And the waves that tossed the raft all night have set you on dry land#It gets okay just to praise the day#Believe in sheltering skies and stable earth beneath#But hear his breath come rushing through his teeth#Walk by faith#And tell no one what you've seen#It's so good to learn that from right here#the view goes on forever#And you'll never want for comfort and you'll never be alone#See the sunset turning red#let all be quiet in your head#And look about#all the stars are coming out#They shine like steel swords#You can wish me well#where I go#But when you see me#when my change comes#you'll know
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I am Ehab Ayyad ❤ a palestinian youngman from Gaza🍉🇵🇸, seeking to find safety and peace ☝️for my family if twenty members. We have been ❤🇵🇸🍉passing through all forms of torture and pain for almost ten months because of the war on Gaza.
Life is very miserable and tragic❤🇵🇸 as we are now deprived ❤🇵🇸🍉of all means of living. Drink water, healthy food health care and medicine❤🇵🇸 have become things 🇵🇸🍉❤of the past. We are dying dear friends. That is why I am asking you to help us break through this tough situation.Life in hot tents is incredibly sad and miserable. We are now experiencing the worst circumstances we have ever had in our life. The war has stolen happiness and life from us.
Please don't leave us alone in such dire times. Your kind contribution either through donating whatever you can or sharing my posts will be highly appreciated and valued.❤🇵🇸🍉
https://gofund.me/fdd40e1b
!!BOOST!!
#so sorry if the go fund me link doesn't work!!#but just in case please go to their bio and help this family in gaza#I hope you find comfort in an actual warm shelter#This won't happen forever. You'll be okay#I hope your family and you stays safe. and when you do live through this. I hope you enjoy every moment of the sun#all eyes on palestine#i stand with palestine#save palestine#free palestine#palestine#gazaunderattack#free gaza#all eyes on gaza#gaza#free 🍉#palestine 🍉#save 🍉#free palestine 🇵🇸#i stand with palestine 🇵🇸#from the river to the sea 🇵🇸#free gaza 🇵🇸#from the river to the sea palestine will be free
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#initially i wanted RR to have diego as a main protagonist buttt i feel like other characters can be too.. an ensemble cast#stand by me type beat because i want him to have friends#i've always hated the steamies vs diesels rivalry bc haven't we gotten over that ages ago? cmannn#i want tommy and diego to be friends because they are both cheeky tricksters and troublemakers yes but -#- there is a mortifying ordeal of getting into too much trouble that you'll be suspended demoted or stuck being a cleaner forever#realistically at least. and god is that devastating bc you like. STILL have a railway job but not allowed to drive locos anymore#diego is always on thin ice and envies tommy for it like dude your colleagues let you get away with shit but not if it's me??#and later down the line he tries to make up for his mistakes and make amends but it takes a while for people to really forgive him#at some point though i think The Viewer will realize that he HAS gotten better and some people who are unwilling are just stuck up#i want RR to have bountiful friendships and funny railway nonsense. frens is when you have a bud.#dw there will be epic Antagonists in there but i will have to keep them in the backdoor for now#tommy and diego are like sonic and shadow to me does that make sense#sorry for rambling i got nothing to show for now but... trust.#fauxtrainpost.txt
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Arcane characters when someone flirts with you. | Viktor, Jayce, Vi, Caitlyn, Jinx, Sevika x Gn!Reader
I am the brain rot. The brain rot is me.✨️
Content: pre season 2 Viktor/Jayce!, Jealousy, pitfighter Vi, established romantic relationships, angst, threats of violence/death threats, sfw
Reader has no set pronouns.
((Not proofread))
》VIKTOR
He always struggled with self-esteem issues, mainly due to his sickness and disability that made it difficult for him to do much. A part of him forever will believe that you could easily do better than him, yet that doesn't stop him from getting terribly jealous anytime someone gets too friendly with you. Especially when they can see him standing next to you clearly being your partner as well.
But despite his insecurities, he doesn't allow anyone to harass you either on his watch. He lets you defend yourself for the most part until he has enough and lets his more sassy side handle the flirtatious person for you. He may not be able to do anything in a physical way, something he very much would rather avoid. But his tongue is sharp, and it takes little to make them quickly scurry away with a nervous apology for the disturbance.
He'll never admit to being jealous, however, and denies any teasing accusations you send his way. But he'll secretly ask for reassurance as he starts feeling embarrassed over his insecurities rather quickly after. A couple of hugs and kisses from your side will fix that right up, though.
》JAYCE
He has a reputation to keep up. And so, technically, he should always handle things professionally no matter what. People are watching him after all, and his public image can not be tarnished under any circumstance... or so he says. Things change in his mind when they are about you. In general, people know who you are and who you belong to since he rarely shuts up about it.
But every now and then, someone who is somehow unfamiliar with this concept will come up to you and attempt to woo you right in front of his very eyes. Now, Jayce tries to let you handle yourself, but doesn't hesitate to step in either if the person doesn't get the hint. His rather intimidating frame and position as a councilor help him out Immensely with this. He chases them away with a tight smile and a kiss to your head, as he casually asks how he can oh so graciously help them.
Once they leave, he'll pretend not to hear you, of you teasingly asking him if he was jealous. Him? Jealous? Hah! Impossible... okay, maybe a little. But don't tell anyone that.
》VI
As a pitfighter, Vi doesn't hesitate to get violent with anyone who comes close to the only good thing she has left in her life, which happens to be you. She's extremely protective and makes sure everyone gets the hint regarding who you belong to. But alas, there are always the couple strays that refuse to comprehend that fact and therefore attempt to "steal" you away from her. Something that never ends well for anyone.
Her temper is shorter than it used to be, and that becomes quite clear when she's quick to loom over the person that was pestering you. She knows that you can handle yourself just fine, too. But that doesn't stop her from grabbing their shoulder and asking them if she can help them out instead. Or maybe they want to talk it out in the pit? All the same to her, but the message is clear. She'll win if it comes to you every time, and that's enough to make the person scurry away in terror.
You'll definitely have to calm her down and reassure that you had everything handled. She's just looking out for you, though, and doesn't want you to get hurt, too, like everyone else in her life. The last thing she wants is to mess up again, so her overprotective tendencies will probably never lessen. Not that you kind anyways.
》CAITLYN
Your role as her partner is crystal clear to absolutely everyone in Piltover, especially after she takes over the troops as their new ruler. She's much more cutthroat and cold than she used to be before her mothers death, which made her extremely overprotective of you and your safety. She may even be suffocating at times with her security measures, but she finds it absolutely necessary. This also means, however, that those who try becoming a bit too friendly with you are always at risk of facing her wrath.
She doesn't hold back with her dismay and is quick to stand before you with a dark, stern glare directed at whoever was flirting with you beforehand. Caitlyn doesn't care if you can take care of yourself or not either. She'll take full advantage of her new position and power too, not hesitating to give the person that was pestering you a professionally worded threat that leaves them as pale as a ghost.
Admittedly, it's hard to tell if she's jealous or just worried in her own way. Before her mother's death, it may very well just be her being a bit jealous... but with her current position, she may also just be afraid to lose you too deep down. And she couldn't handle that.
》JINX
After Silco's death, Jinx's temper is milder than before due to her deteriorating mental health (if there was anything left of it to begin with). She's a lot calmer when handling situations and seeming more calculated than before, but that certainly doesn't quell the extreme abandonment issues in her at any rate. If anything, they've become much worse than before. This means that she'll cling to you and snap at anyone who nears you. No one is allowed to steal your attention away from her. No one can take you away from her. She just won't allow it when you're all she has left.
And so, she won't hesitate to use her gun on anyone who is pestering you. A death threat or two usually gets the point across anyway. Jinx will also let you handle yourself first, however though, knowing you can easily do that. But if things do get out of hand, she will step right to scare them away at best. She'd never kill anyone infront of you after all. She doesn't want to scare you away.
You'll have to reassure her of your loyalty a lot afterward, however, as her insecurities and issues can make her spiral fairly easily. Giving her a lot of attention and love makes everything go away, though, luckily.
》SEVIKA
She's very secure in your relationship and trusts you perfectly fine, which is why she rarely ever gets jealous. Why should she, anyway, when you'll always come back to her at the end of the day? Besides, people in the lanes know who you are and who you belong to, and most importantly, what will happen to their faces once she bashes them in if they ever harass you too much.
With that said, though, she typically lets you do your own thing and chase the person away yourself first before bothering to step in. If things get out of hand, then she'll suddenly be right behind you and tower over whoever it is that's not getting the hint. Blowing smoke right into their faces, she'll ask them if they have a problem, and if yes, then they should take it up with her outside. Although everyone knows she's the only one back afterwards. This usually does the trick.
Don't expect her to ever say that she is jealous, though, and hopes you know better, too. She knows you're loyal, as she certainly is for life and therefore doesn't worry about a thing regarding the strength of your relationship.
No one is better than her anyway.
#arcane#arcane x genderneutral reader#arcane x reader#arcane x you#arcane x y/n#arcane viktor#arcane viktor x reader#viktor arcane#viktor x reader#arcane jayce#arcane jayce x reader#jayce#jayce x reader#arcane vi#arcane vi x reader#vi#vi x reader#arcane caitlyn x reader#arcane caitlyn#caitlyn#caitlyn x reader#caitlyn kiramman#arcane jinx#arcane jinx x reader#jinx#jinx x reader#arcane sevika#arcane sevika x reader#sevika#sevika x reader
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spent an hour making a list related to That Fandom, followed by an hour listening to the haunting vibe playlist, followed by an hour reading the fanfic we wrote about my band and crying actual tears bc it's the peak of comedy, followed by an hour thinking about all the things I've ever created that will never be seen by anyone either bc I don't know how to show them to people or bc people just think they're bad but either way I'll never know the true answer, and now it's 10.30pm and I've basically experienced the full spectrum of emotions: autism, existential crisis, silly, and the feeling of being unseen
#the list btw was working out which south park character canonically gets the most bitches. kyle btw#but yeah the 4th hour was typical after experiencing the adrenaline rush laugh attack high of the 3rd hour#(with an air of bittersweet nostalgia for the joys of 2nd year uni)#and the 4th hour was just thoughts of like. do you ever make the best thing you've ever made and then you don't know what to do with it#even if the thing itself isn't objectively Good. but it's still the best thing in comparison to everything else you've made#and for me it's the messily written script for that film i wrote#and the album I'd been recording since 2020 and finally finished at the start of this year#and like. both of them i spent so much time on and both were for my own enjoyment#like the process of making them is fun#but then once they're finished what do you do? do you show other people? or do you just keep it to yourself#keeping it to yourself is the safer option bc you don't know what anyone's opinion of it is#the only thing is that it feels trapped inside i guess? like you've just got it to yourself for no reason#at least put it somewhere. post it online or print/record it in physical form. so you have some way of proving it ever existed#but then if you do post it online there's only four options:#1. no one sees it bc they don't know it's there (neutral)#2. people see it and enjoy it and they tell you (good)#3. people see it and hate it and they tell you (bad)#4. people possibly see it but whether or not they engage with it you'll never know and no one says anything about it (????? worst option)#and you don't wanna be obnoxious about it by reposting it all the time so you just assume either people don't like it or just don't care#and then leave it#and it's not even anyone's fault it's just you have no idea where you stand with anything#and then that leads back to the question of why would you make something in the first place if all you're gonna do is finish it#if the process is enjoyable then just make small versions of it so the finish doesn't feel as wasted#more emphasis on the making experience. which is the fun part#idek what i'm talking about. does anyone get this#i'm not saying no one should ever make big things bc it's pointless or anything#but also what is the point in finishing something massive if it's just gonna be left collecting dust in your mind. and possibly storage#if it always feels like this i'm just gonna never finish anything ever again. and then everything will stay fun forever <3#ramble
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Helloo!! Sooo I have a picture of mgg as my lock screen but his face isn’t in the picture and I was wonderinggg if you could write about the girls at the bau seeing your background of your phone and it’s some guy but they don’t know it’s spencer and they ask all these questions about this mysterious secret boyfriend you have and asking to meet him and r is just like maybeeee idk knowing that they have in fact met him and maybe spencer is near by and hearing all this and is just all shy and flustered. If you do write this THANK YOUUU you’re writing it phenomenal, one of a kind, it’s so good!!! <333
"Woah, hubba hubba," JJ's eyes bug out at your phone screen, and Emily, forever on JJ's wavelength, snatches it out of your hands before you can properly dim the screen.
"Who is that?" Emily asks everyone's burning question, and one of Penelope's hands squeezes yours, with nails, to emphasize her urgency.
Your lock screen is a picture of Spencer's bare chest clad only in a blazer, the front open in a lewd V that showcases the dark pink kiss marks you'd spread across the smattering of wiry curls he's grown. It's not something you'd meant to flash your coworkers with, and Spencer chokes on his water while Derek hoots and hollers at it.
"There are some things that should be kept private," Rossi drawls, eyes wide and haunted as he stands, "I'm going to get Aaron and myself another refill, just in case any worse pictures get shown around the table."
Hotch laughs at the older man, amusement lining his features handsomely as the group continues to tease you.
"So, when are you bringing this guy around? Not that we'd recognize him anyways, unless he showed up shirtless with lipstick all over him."
"Derek, you-" You barely stop yourself from saying, 'you have met him', instead swerving into an easy insult, "You're the last person I want to introduce him to. You'll never let us live this down."
"None of us will." Prentiss promises, her grin wolfish, "You'll be lucky if Garcia doesn't manage to track him down using nipple-recognition software."
Your technical analyst cackles into her drink, and Spencer makes a hasty getaway.
"I need the bathroom," He paws with burning cheeks at Derek's leg, ushering the man out of his way so that he can speed-walk to the bathroom. You watch him go, hearing Hotch let out a rare laugh at his urgency.
"Poor Spence," JJ croons, "Did you see how red his face was?"
"That kid's almost thirty and I bet he can't even say the word 'sex' without blushing." Derek scoffs.
"He can't. I've seen it." Garcia confirms, "It's pathetic."
"Pathetic," You snort, but what your team hears as agreement, you mean as contradiction. Spencer was nothing close to pathetic that night- sweet and tender, yes, but pathetic, no. He'd cupped your face while you'd spread a smattering of sticky kisses across his chest, and he'd stared into your eyes when you'd taken the picture, a smile on his face even though he'd known his grin wouldn't be in frame.
"Well get all of it out now," Hotch advises, a teasing tone in his voice, "Spencer won't come back if we're still talking about it."
"I'm happy for you." Dave states, setting his and Aaron's drinks down, "But so help me, Y/N, if I ever see your boyfriend's naked torso again, I'll kill myself."
You refrain from telling Rossi he had just seen your boyfriend's bare torso, last week when Spencer had needed to be stripped of his cold, wet clothes, and thrust into a heated blanket for warmth. No one had batted an eye at his brief nudity, and neither had you, because you'd memorized every inch of his skin. You didn't need to ogle him; you could recall his body from memory.
"I'll keep that in mind." You nod at Rossi sagely, "Just don't go through the rest of my camera roll." You see Spencer exit the bathroom, peering cautiously at your table to see if he can predict the conversation before returning, "Or you'll find a lot worse than his chest."
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid one-shot#spencer reid one shot#spencer reid headcanons#spencer reid headcanon#spencer reid hc#spencer reid hcs#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid blurb#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid dialogue#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x reader fanfiction#spencer reid smut
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Okay perhaps this sounds odd but imagine Astarion starts to disassociate while intimate with Tav and so he uses their established safe word, only to be bewildered when Tav actually listens to him and stops and asks if he’s okay and tries to comfort him because nobody has cared that much before 😢
OH GODS WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME (i love it) warning for suggestive content :)
For as long as Astarion's been genuinely intimate with you, for no other reasons but simply because of the affection the two of you hold for one another, he has always been in control.
It soothes him, in a way, to be on top. And as much as he enjoys watching you come undone beneath him, there's a more frustrating reason behind why he always feels the need to be the one to push you down onto whatever surface he deems decent enough at the time. From above you, he can see every little twitch in your body, every shift in your expression, and most of all, he can control what's happening, unlike his centuries spent as a seductive tool for Cazador's own needs.
He knows you're not like those fools. He knows you're different, and you're special to him. But the gnawing voice in the back of his head always forces him to pull you in, to hold you closer, to make love to you.
It's fucked up in so many ways.
"I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel."
But when you look up at him with those imploring, loving eyes, the voice seems to go quiet. He swallows the dryness of his throat, unable to think of anything but how wonderful your touch feels on his skin, and he thinks he could drown in this forever. He's putty in your hands, whether he wants to admit it or not.
"Well? Don't be a tease just standing there, darling."
In what feels like minutes, he's a mess. He's making sounds he shouldn't be making, fingertips digging into your hips as if they're the anchors keeping him from finishing too early. He breathes heavily into the crook of your neck, groaning when you caress the sharp tip of his ear between your fingers.
The only thing keeping him from spilling is the impending embarrassment he'd feel for doing so this early on in the night.
Then, everything stops.
"You're so beautiful," you whisper.
They're only words. They're not ones he's heard little of---in fact, he's heard it too much in the past two hundred years. In an instant, memories of the nights he spent under strangers, forced to shove his mind into its darkest corners just to get through their own pleasures, flood his consciousness. The sickening taste in his mouth afterward, and the need to rub his skin till it goes raw were not uncommon. It was routine. A sick part of his life that he'd rather forget.
You don't mean it the same way they did. They only said things like that because that's all they could say. They didn't know him as anything but the husk of a body he resided in. He knows you are saying the words to him. Not to his body but to the very person he is.
But the word comes spilling out his mouth, and immediately, you freeze.
You actually stopped.
Of course, you would. You're you.
"Are you okay? Did I do something?" you reach to cup either of his cheeks, and he stares at you as if you're a star that's fallen from the sky. He blinks, slowly.
"I don't know, I just---" he searches for words. "--you haven't done anything wrong, darling."
You wait for him to finish patiently. Gods, he doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve you.
"I only remembered something I'd rather not," he plasters a crooked grin on his face. "It's quite alright. We can continue now if I haven't ruined the mood."
You pull away from him, and he fears you'll leave.
Moments later, you return with a glass of water. Wordlessly, you hand it to him, and he only stares at it, confused beyond belief. Only once he notices the way you gesture to the glass does he drink it, and you finally climb back into bed, lying down beside him.
"Come here," you open your arm, motioning him to come closer.
"Darling, as much as I'm all for experimenting, that's a strange position to have sex in."
You smile, shaking your head. You don't explain any further, only continuing to hold out your arm.
Hesitant though curious, he slowly lies down beside you, his head just above your chest and slotted between the space below your chin. With gentle hands, you pull him closer and toss the blanket over both of your bodies.
It's warm. Strange, but warm.
"You don't have to wear a mask with me," you whisper.
His eyes grow wide, and his chest stills. He doesn't have many tears left after 239 years, but there's an unfamiliar squeeze in his chest that tells him if he were still 39 and alive, he might have. Astarion wraps his arms around your waist, burying his face into where he can hear the steady beating of your heart.
Later, when your eyes begin to droop, he mumbles.
"Tell me I'm beautiful again."
"You're beautiful," you say softly. "With or without your pretty face."
You might be imagining it, but you feel him smile against your skin.
#astarion ancunin#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate astarion#bg3 astarion#astarion x tav#astarion x reader#astarion#bg3 x reader#bg3#fluff
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