#That trip sucked actually
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My situation is closer to Statue's in that it can be improved. I'm on medication that is improving my digestive health. But in the meantime- I can't have gluten, I can't have sugar, I can't have red meat. There's a bunch of assorted ingredients, fruits, and vegetables I can't have. There's one restaurant I eat at. Nobody cooks for me. Everything new I try, if I get something wrong I feel sick for several days before I have the opportunity to try again.
every so often I am reminded that having severe food restrictions sucks actually
#most recently it happened with onions. I can't have onions#My body also responds to various other stimuli#Like stress#So sometimes it doesn't even need to be food#Sometimes I'm stressed and it makes me feel super ill and I'm left to wonder if I ate something I shouldn't have#Or on my period. Last month I was nauseous for my entire period#I'm also emetophobic! It's not as severe as when I started getting therapy but it's still bad#So every time I get a reaction my anxiety ramps up to 110#And I miss food. I don't think about food that much anymore#Not after a year#But it gets worse when I watch other people eat stuff I can't#I went on a trip with my dad and sisters in May and watching my sisters eat cereal and ice cream and whatever they wanted was... painful#That trip sucked actually
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being mature is realizing that even when you have a lot of things to say bc you’re disappointed, you won’t because you have to take other people’s feelings into account :’)
#something i realized in this sudden business trip actually :’)#sucking it up and not being vindictive is hard but it’s a part of becoming an adult🤧#i want to go home so bad but i know i’d miss a whole lot if i didn’t come here#will be less active in the upcoming days—thank you for all kindness you have showed me🥹#i’m feeling low but seeing nice messages in my askbox makes me want to cry bc :’)#just thank you🥹🩵 going through your messages is always worth it and makes me smile :’)#—chu’s ramblings 🗯️
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can i pay extra for a phone NOT to have ai
#i actually love my phone and do not want to upgrade it#but.#i may be won over by camera features because mine kind of sucks#especially since i am kind of planning on a northern lights trip#and my phone straight up does not really have the necessary functions to photograph it#i'd like to have like. more than one option right?#if my dlsr and tripod fail?#or be able to take phone pics if i have the dslr set up for a timelapse or something? or vice versa#anyway#getting tired of every single ad being AI IS HERE NOW BUY THIS PHONE FOR AI#(cough. samsung and their galaxy AI plastered over everything)
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Struck with the realization that my gpa is going to drop to below 3 because
1) conflict within group in class A lead me to not being able to present for a FINAL PROJECT
2) conflict within group in class B lead me to not being able to present THRICE
3) inability to catch up with work for class C because I wasn’t able to attend ONE class which then lead me to not being able to do the next two assignments because they’re built off eachother
So conclusion I think I should kill myse
#dude this sucks majorly. actually.#like. I was doing so well first year#then it steamrolls after having fallouts with the group#and then I took that trip to another province for grandpa’s funeral#it’s worse because again I don’t want to study business communication#and now I just have no energy I cannot give a fuck and it’s making me sad I want to try but there’s no catching up#o literally cannot catch up
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I FINALLY MOVED OUT TO A NEW PLACE!!!
i'm absolutely exhausted and i still need to unpack so many things and i still need to buy a proper desk and restock my groceries & supplies and a do a whole lot of other things BUT i'm hoping to get settled in soon so i can get back to the creative endeavors™️✨
love yall, stay safe, take care, and good vibes 🫶🏻
#rin rambles#i dont want to bog this with negativity but i do want to share stuff so imma do it in a way that makes me look forward and not backwards#honestly this wasn't the place that i actually wanted and got excited for several months ago#i had to make adjustments because unfortunately the landlord was a huge red flag and i decided i didn't want to sign#and sure enough she never returned my security deposit of 1.5months until this day despite saying she would every day for like a whole mont#and though it is hard and devastating i don't want to potentially sabotage my own future so i've decided to not take any legal action#i just hope. that that money can be of use to her in some way. get her out of a tough spot perhaps#it was a struggle to get to this point of actually feeling fine letting go without breaking down but!!! it's fine. i'm fine#and karma will find a way if it was truly done out of purely malicious intention!#i'm closing that book and stowing it away lovingly into a shelf because if anything it was. a powerful lesson.#as much as it sucks. never. ever. trust a person when it comes to business or transactions. no matter how 'put together' they seem#always have everything on paper and never EVER pay something until they demonstrate that they can be trusted#anyway#the people helping me move today were super friendly and nice and it made my day!!#and so far i love love love the privacy so much. a bathroom all to myself? a kitchen countertop?? for myself??? that's so crazy#i had to battle thru cobwebs and (fored to) cured my arachnophobia by force /j#and there was a power trip unfortunately but overall everything seems nice! i would have liked having the room on a higher floor but ah wel#ough my back........... _(;3」 z)_
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is it an autistic experience to ALWAYS be the one in a friend group who gets left out, alienated, secretly disliked, then kicked out of the group?
#autistic#autism#actually autistic#autism things#asking autistics#i want/need a friend group but it ALWAYS GOES BAD!!!!!!!! AND ITS SOMEHOW ALWAYS MY FAULT?! idk what im doing wrong. people suck.#but i need people and i hate that about me. why cant i split myself in half a few times#or learn how to do group activities alone....like playing tennis. going to the amusement park ive wanred to go to since i was a kid.#drive alone on long trips where i will fall asleep but talk to myself so i dont or something. walk on the park trails alone where people#get kidnapped and stuff when alone. go to a convention and cosplay a group of characters alone. one for each finger....#if you cant tell im being sarcastic. and doing a bad job. sighs. i hate that i have to do everything i need/want a group for alone because#i cant make friends or make groups keep me in them. assuming because im autistic and they hate me 🙃#eother that or im a piece of shit and dont realize it!!!!! how am i supposed to know when no one tells me!!!! 😭😭😭😭#so is it actually me and my fault or is it because im autistic and people just do this to us for some reason#autism stuff
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he's so pretty
#i wonder who this is about#def not suna that's fs#(it's abt suna)#the only thing getting me thru this nyc trip is thinking abt him#my no. 1 tip is when u feel anxious just think abt ur cc being there w u#works everytime#getting my blood drawn? definitely saw haji/oikawa there w me#real men suck!!!#suna nendoroid please save me#i will buy him all the chuupets#new motivation unlocked#work to get money 2 buy suna chuupets#i've never abbreviated sm in my life i'm so tired but i must profess my love to the world#i don't even know how i end up in the tags it's like i'm hiding from the my actual post on the tag screen yk LMAO#i love suna#the longest contract was so cute omg#ALSO LMK SAY THIS HERE 😭😭 PROBABLY LIKE 3 PEOPLE SAID NO TO A WRITING PROMPT EVEN WHICH IS SUCH A MINORITY#but my head really goes “well then i guess no one would care u should not do a prompt event”#no i'm def going to i'm already thinking out prompts LMAOO#spilling out all my thoughts rn#ALSO IT'S OK TO SAY NO I JUST OVERTHINK EVERYTHING I TOTALLY GET IT#ness' brainvomit <3
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can we have a hint about what the spring break tim patrol chapter of red letter day contains? (you kept having dick say "if the joker shows up" and tim's "he won't." for me to be convinced that goes off without any trouble)
i'm sure it'll be fine. :D
i am delighted you're enjoying the story <333 i haven't updated it in soooo long but i got some very sweet comments lately so i have been looking at my scribbles again <3
#tim: he WON'T show up okay?? and if he did i'd be FINE. dick thinks i'm gonna fall on my face if i do anything on my own ever#dick: that is not true!! that is NOT what i said stop putting words in my mouth#tim: i literally watched this entire city by myself for FOUR YEARS and don't say bruce was here because lots of the time he wasn't#dick: listen i am JUST SAYING that last year you almost DIED A HORRIBLE DEATH a lot#dick: and i personally rescued you from near-death experiences & you were not exactly helpful or forthcoming#dick: so sue me if i'd just like to clarify that i will at least get a PHONE CALL if something goes wrong#dick: as opposed to OH I DON'T KNOW you go off to fight jason or ra's al-ghul behind my back and then you almost DIE#dick: and i have to go chasing after you AFTER THE FACT because you didn't bother to explain to me the stupid thing that you were gonna do#tim: that was NOT stupid and -- i KNEW you were still mad at me about that --#dick (unconvincingly): i'm not mad at you (more convinced) YOU'RE still mad at ME --#tim (unconvincingly): no i'm not. (more convinced) look i get it you obviously think that i suck which fine WHATEVER --#dick: i never said that and i'm just asking for the basic professional courtesy of a heads-up!! the city's my responsibility so -#tim: i know you're on a power trip about this but gotham is actually MY city too so --#dick: excuse me i am NOT on a power trip. i'm BATMAN which means that --#tim: you sure are#dick: oh don't even go there - let me point out that ONE of us is being an uncommunicative jerk and it ISN'T ME --#tim: you are literally trying to micromanage how i do a milk run that i could do backwards with my eyes blindfolded --#dick: i'm not micromanaging!! nightclubs can be -- i have a NORMAL degree of CONCERN okay so --#tim: -- so either you're lying to me or you think i suck; how exactly am i supposed to tell you stuff if you don't trust me -#dick: what?! i trust you!!! i just --#tim: you just DON'T trust me??#dick (trapped): i trust you. i'm just saying. if for example the joker -#tim (defensive): who i could handle#dick: or jason -#tim: who i could also handle!!! try to be a little less condescending maybe#dick: oh come ON. look you're obviously kinda testy about me going out of town which fine whatever but i'm just trying to -#tim (testily): i'm not testy. what does that even mean 'testy'
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selfie!!! :P
#au where the doctor buys rose a modern cellphone and she takes so unbelievably many photos of their trips#going home and showing her mom and mickey like#‘yeah thats me with queen victoria.. thats me with a dalek it tried to kill me later… this is when i got possessed but my outfits cute’#‘ohh this is when we got trapped and almost sucked into a black hole oh and we met the devil but this is such a cute photo actually’#doctor who#rose tyler#tenth doctor#fanart#rose tyler fanart#tenrose#timepetals#art#my art#digital art#otp: i believe in her
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yeah so this thanksgiving trip is shaping up to be another delight 🙃
#one of the hosts is sick and didnt feel the need to tell us until we already flew up here 🙃🙃🙃🙃#'its not covid tho'#when did we as a society just decide that covid is the only sickness that matters#as if random viral infections and flus and normal but annoying colds dont also still suck#i was sick for like a month last year after basically the same thanksgiving trip#im going to actually exile myself from my in-laws for the rest of my life if i get sick on this trip#not to mention WE were lectured on being extra cautious to minimize risks of bringing anything yp#on account of DIL being in poor health#to the point that we canceled on my family this past weekend bc my mom was feeling slightly off#istg yall#and ofc no one else seems bothered by this#istg#t: wench.txt
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im actually in tears i just received news the cat i was going to adopt literally this saturday somehow got pregnant 😭😭😭 i was so ready for her this is genuinely devastating
#i actually was about to cry but then my coworkers were there#so i had to suck it up#;-;#im kinda pissed the owners didnt get her spayed the moment i said id adopt her#and im pissed i had to wait to adopt her bc of this work trip i dont even wanna be on#i was in fact white knuckling it till i could get her#i had all her toys and food and cat tree set up#and they were like we can give u another kitten#and maybe a cat is just a cat#but idk it also just isnt
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ive been anxious lately but periodically i remember that i cut contact with my mother and everything gets better for a moment lmao
#avpswjy#yay yippee and things of that nature#its a recent development but its been a long time coming tbhhhhh#the whole process has sucked tremendous but its such a relief to know i dont have to talk to her anymore! wow!#tbh. a lot of the recent anxiety has probably been Because Of This#bc shes historically been really good at guilt tripping. so i get panicky abt it#but then i remember its actually fine and i get to make a life for myself without abuse in it#incredible !
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id: a digital drawing of a blue engineer and walenty-an original character. walenty is pale, has long, black hair with horns, a tail and claws. he's wearing square glasses, fingerless gloves, a green, floral shirt over a black tank top and black shorts and shoes. kit is holding a fishing rod in kits right hand. engineer is wearing his hardhat and goggles, a blue shirt, dark blue overalls and brown boots. he also has a fishing rod swung over his shoulder. he and walenty are walking next to eachother, with walenty on the left and engie on the right. the background shows a pine forest. end id
#looks around. hi#art#fanart#dst oc#not superrrr happy with it but hey! it's something. or whatever#walenty also looks like that one philosopher image. having a deep conversation about constant's fish#i sketched this like. fucking ages ago when i first played that one REALLY fucking nice engie character mod i love it so much. i really wan#to draw his roseate skin sometimes too.....#actually let me check it out who made it#<goat slice! very nice mod. i'd say for someone more advanced if you wanna build the buildings and stuff but i fucking. suck at this game#and i was doing just fine so idk.+who cares about skill level. looks its my favorite guy from video game in another video game i like! yay!#^incomprehensible fucking tags sorry. bleeehh#ok bye. i might draw something with walenty and scout later though#ALSO. to that one anon who sent me an ask saying that a walenty and engie fishing trip would be cool....i love you forever from my heart
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I feel like with this whole Liam Payne situation and the resurgence of 1D content (which I’ll be lying if I said I haven’t been enjoying) it’s easy to forget what a real tragedy this is—because obviously I don’t know any of these men personally nor will I ever, but the 5 of them where still incredibly important to me in a very dark and yet very formative period of my life, and they deserve that recognition on my part at least. Growing up I very rarely thought about how the 1D members were very close in age with me, only a couple of years older, yet while I was living the last years of my childhood protected by my parents, they were literally plucked from their homes, overworked to the bone and thrown to the wolves.
Liam became an abuser and an addict, there’s no denying that, but it’s very hard for me to think that the boy I used to eagerly watch videos of everyday when I was a teen started off that way—and this isn’t me trying to put my nostalgia above the pain of his victims at all, I’m just pointing out how the cycle of abuse perpetuated by the industry can only end up ruining lives. Liam’s life absolutely did not have to end the way it did. Ultimately Maya Henry and the rest of his victims don’t deserve to be blamed for this, they should receive nothing but compassion and empathy from us, and so should Liam’s family, especially his son.
I think I will, bearing that in mind, allow myself to mourn Liam, and the girl I used to be and that he was such a huge part of. I can never be that girl again, I’ve lost and gained too much over the years to ever be her again.
I will also allow myself to mourn the rest of the 1D boys too, because while I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to them, they aren’t those boys anymore, the pedestal they used to occupy no longer exists in my heart, but a part of my love for them will always be there.
#this got super sappy sorry the ghost 17 year old me possessed my body and wrote it#so I know that I always come back here like “yes I’m back for good” and then disappear for months#but these last couple of months have actually been good for me for a change (and I don’t want to jinx it so…)#i went to a cool trip through europe to study. came back. got a new job. and even started dating (we’ll see how that goes lol)#but i feel like i owned it to teenaged me to post something here which basically amounts to: wow… growing up realllly sucks uh??#anyway i really couldn’t stop myself from commenting on this because i literally started this blog 13 years ago because of one direction#like… imagíne that…#1d renaissance is cool despite the circumstances#what isn’t so cool is the whole putting blame for liam’s d*ath in underpaid hotel employees and any woman in his vicinity#using it as an excuse to gush about the pettiest thing ever like l*rry reunion (like???? read the room?????#liam payne#liam#1d#one direction#ufff felt super weird using those tags after all these years#like it feels like I’m talking about some guys who disappeared into the void 10 years ago but no#i saw them around a lot and even listened to some of their solo music#(specially niall’s because i vibed with his the most)#but it wasn’t the same because they were no longer 1d ya feel??#idk anymore#stfu pam
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it's just unbelievable how general grievous has two versions of his backstory and the first one is the most gut wrenching heartbreaking tragic story about love and revenge and the other one is basically just springtrap on war
#vezdeshashiy ramblings#star wars#general grievous#springtrap#i actually like drawing parallels between grievous and springtrap because idk they're both barely breathing old dudes fused with machines#also willcare sucks btw#willgrief sucks too my man william is just an asshole on a power trip#and according to trilogy william was totally ok with being springtrap and was even proud of it#that's why I'm comparing grievous's other backstory to springtrap because he's a power/strength obsessed asshole too#but the difference is that i hate willcare/willgrief but love the legends version of grievpus's backstory#because you know grievous is that type of dude who would kill for you and william is that type of dude who will kill YOU#idk what I'm even yapping about#might delete later
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#hhhhh I'll probably delete this later but if i don't physically put these thoughts somewhere I'll maybe explode.#but fuck man. shit sucks fr! I highkey think I can't go to work tomorrow but yknow how it goes!!!!#I'm caught somewhere between finally being taken seriously about my health issues#and having the most wretched mental health crisis#like on one hand fantastic! I'm being taken seriously now its gotten to the point where I cant fucking walk normally#but on the other hand oh my god holy shit. i had to get this bad???? and I'm worried. i know theres shit so much bigger than me rn going on#but I'm worried about my health. especially when I've been trying to deal with it for the better part of like.... 5 years#since i was 19!!!!#I'm 24 and worrying about whether or not I'll actually walk about with 0 pain ever again isn't that fucked.#so that's bittersweet. ive got physio tomorrow. blood tests next week#an ultrasound coming up#its ultimately a good thing im being taken seriously. if not a terrifying acceptance that everything ive been feeling has been real and#well. bad.#and like with this right is the crash of my mental health. just a fuckin nosedive man.#i have a relatively stressful job i felt out of my depth about and thus guilty for but now its a role that I've approached in constant pain#for the last few months.#i can't deal with that actually! lots of stress! lots of pain! lots of mental pain over my physical condition! my job grinding my soul!#aaaaa!!!!!!!#like i dont WANT to be unemployed either#I'd much rather be uhhhh employed! and able to save money towards actually getting Help™#but I've got to admit that i hurt too much. and its consuming my whole fucking brain.#but I'll go on#ive got my first trip out the country solo next week!! im heading to san Fransisco!!! im excited.#but I'm worried for the inevitable moment where my pains catch up with me#ill surpress it while I'm out there. try and remind myself to have a good time. return to the uk and feel a weeks worth of pain#and even THAT sucks to consider#but i should stop#rambles
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