#especially since i am kind of planning on a northern lights trip

[quaranmine]

can i pay extra for a phone NOT to have ai

[mearcatsreturns]

/whispers/ So maybe I now have to ask for Ivan and the No Good Terrible Very Bad Day Attempting to Babysit a Grisha Child Who Can Summon Light and Shadow. How could this possibly go wrong.

Once again, this got long, so here's the first chapter of A Day in the Life of Ivan, Or: Ivan’s Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day.

The worst day of Ivan’s life begins years before the fateful day itself, if that’s possible. He’s grateful not to know the precise day, but he knows who—or what, rather—is to blame.

It’s the damn heterosexuals. They just won’t stop fucking, and they’ve made it everyone else’s problem now.

The heterosexuals in question are, of course, Kirigan and Alina, or as they’re known now, the Tsar and Tsarina.

&&&

About three years before the Worst Day™, Ivan is minding his own business, just trying to find some decent food after returning from a mission to the northern border. It wasn’t a bad trip; Fedyor had been with him and they’d enjoyed the opportunity to spend some time together outside the political games of Os Alta.

Nevertheless, Ivan is eager to eat some food that isn’t dried and to sleep in his own comfortable bed. He’s already debriefed with the Tsar and bathed, so he’s delighted to find it’s time for dinner. It’s to be a small group tonight, just the king and queen, Nikolai, Zoya, Tamar, Nadia, Fedyor and him. He can tolerate them all (except Fedyor, who of course is the light of his life), though Alina remains permanently on thin ice. She makes the Darkling light and happy, and it’s just unnatural.

They settle around the table and fall into comfortable conversation. Tolya is on an assignment and intends to travel to Kerch after this. Tamar and Nadia are beginning to formalize their union and are looking for a house. If their bickering and the obscene looks Zoya and Nikolai are giving each other are any indication, Ivan expects some kind of announcement from them any day. The Tsar intends to invite some dignitaries from Novyi Zem to the palace in a few weeks.

And Tsaritsa Alina is pale and...unwell. She looks queasy, and Ivan feels a moment of alarm. Grisha can’t get sick, not unless they don’t use their powers. Given that Alina is the Sol Koroleva, the renowned Sun Summoner, that seems unlikely. Few things lead to such ill appearances. Maybe some kind of poison? If she or her food are being poisoned, they need to know as soon as possible.

Ivan does his usual first step; he counts the heartbeats, checking their speeds. One, two, three, four, everyone is normal, five, six, seven, eight, nine...ah, the ninth is faint and fast.

Wait. Nine? There are only eight of them here at dinner, and the attendants have long since departed.

It hits Ivan like a lightning bolt, and he gasps aloud in shock and horror. The most reasonable explanation for the extra heartbeat and Alina’s ill looks is—oh, saints protect them all—a baby.

Everyone turns to look at him, as though he is the one who’s done something strange and dangerous.

Ivan gapes at Alina and points a finger accusingly, “You’re pregnant! With a baby!”

Beside him, Fedyor closes his eyes and shakes his head, letting out a sigh. Tamar and Nadia exchange a knowing, amused look, though they manage not to laugh. Zoya raises one shapely eyebrow.

Nikolai grins. “One generally is pregnant with babies, as opposed to anything else. Except perhaps with genius ideas, in my case and David’s. Alina, moi tsar, congratulations to you both.”

Alina glares at Ivan. What? He’s not the unholy saint about to unleash terror onto the earth from their womb.

Once he glances at Kirigan, though, Ivan stills. The Tsar is ashen and looks as though someone has dropped an iron on his head, or told him that his beloved horse is Grisha too.

“Aleksander, I wasn’t sure. I was waiting until I was to tell you,” Alina says, one hand on her husband’s forearm. “Are...are you all right?”

The Tsar opens his mouth, but no sounds come out.

Tamar and Nadia stand, hand-in-hand. “We, ah, think we’ll take our leave now. Thank you for a lovely dinner, Sol Koroleva, my King,” Tamar says, and she and her fiancée flee.

Zoya clears her throat and gives Nikolai a look that is very different from the hungry one Ivan so despises on faces that aren’t Fedyor’s.

With a nod at her, Nikolai stands and helps her to her feet. “Indeed. Your hospitality is, as always, boundless, though I can’t help but feel we’re trespassing on it every second we linger here. Erm, do let me know when I can get you a gift.”

“Congratulations,” Zoya says, and to Ivan’s disgust, she actually sounds sincere. He watches as she and Nikolia leave, one of the Lantsov pup’s hands at the small of her waist. One would think the heterosexuals would have learned from this evening that touching each other is dangerous, but apparently some of them are just utter fools.

Fedyor elbows him, and Ivan turns to scowl at his beloved. “Wha—”

A point of his head in the direction of the Tsar and Tsaritsa quiets Ivan.

Alina is kneeling beside her husband’s chair, stroking his arm. Aleksander Kirigan, King of Ravka, Shadow Summoner, the Black General, sits still as a statue, eyes wide with shock.

“We’ll head out now too,” Fedyor says.

Ivan nods, grabbing Fedya’s arm and hauling him from the room. Over his shoulder, Ivan yells, “Good luck!”

Fedyor smacks him, whispering furiously as they close the door behind them. “‘Good luck’?! You’re supposed to say ‘congratulations,’ or ‘have a nice evening,’ you utter troll.”

“I’m a troll now? See if I give you a massage when we get back to our rooms,” Ivan grouses. He pulls Fedyor along, pulling him away from where he seemed inclined to linger by the door. Eavesdropping, pah. He can’t believe he’s married to such a busybody.

Who would want to stay to hear whatever nonsense the Darkling and his wife are about to say or do? He’s had enough of that for one lifetime, thank you very much.

Ivan shudders. The two most powerful Grisha on the planet, one a sun summoner and the other a shadow summoner, having a baby? The world is definitely doomed.

&&&

The next day, Ivan receives a summons to go see the Tsar. Dread churns in his stomach, and he rubs his eyes. He hadn’t slept well, especially after he and Fedyor had a tiff about “inappropriate behavior and outbursts.” And now he’s to see his boss, probably about said outburst the previous night.

He accompanies Anton, the young oprichnik to the Tsar’s quarters, and the boy brightens with excitement to be talking to one of the Tsar’s most favored Grisha. “Thank you, Andrei. I’ll make my way from here.” The boy’s face falls, but Ivan dismisses him with a nod. If the oprichniki got any more friendly, they’d start calling him Vanya without his permission. Appalling.

Ivan takes a deep breath, then knocks at the door. He’s long since learned the value of knocking after Alina and the General got together, especially now that they share their quarters. Unfortunately, no healer has yet to find something to wipe certain sights from his brain.

“Come in,” Kirigan’s faint, disembodied voice commands.

Ivan lets himself into the room, waiting while the Tsar steps around the corner from the bedroom he shares with his queen.

“Good morning, Ivan.”

“Good morning, moi soverennyi. I hope you rested well,” Ivan replies, tone funereal. Saints, he prays he’s not about to be sent to Tsibeya permanently. He runs his hand under his collar, annoyed to find he’s actually sweating.

Kirigan’s face gives nothing away. “I did, thank you. The Tsaritsa is with Genya and one of the healers.”

“And she...she is well?” Ivan gulps.

“Yes. She was apparently a bit surprised last night herself, as she’d only just begun to suspect she might be pregnant.”

As much as Ivan hates when the Tsar’s feelings show—it’s usually him making soppy, annoying faces at Alina—he wishes Aleksander would just say what’s on his mind.

“My apologies, sir, I was also surprised. She seemed unwell, and I wanted to make sure she wasn’t, say, being poisoned.”

“You thought someone might be poisoning my wife?” Kirigan is incredulous.

“Things have been very calm with Fjerda lately. I don’t trust it.”

The General mutters under his breath, something about not trusting anything.

Ivan waits. Finally, Kirigan breaks the not-so-silent silence. “Well, thank you for your concern. And, ah, the surprising news.”

“You’re most welcome,” he replies gloomily.

“You don’t seem thrilled.”

“Forgive me, moi tsar, but I don’t see a need for excitement at a natural result of your conjugal activities. Sir.”

Oh, saints, is Kirigan frowning at him? Ivan mentally starts packing his belongings when the frown becomes a smile and then a laugh.

Perhaps Aleksander still isn’t quite recovered from the shock of his impending fatherhood.

He’s not paying attention to Ivan anyway. Kirigan makes his way to the table, shuffling the papers there unseeingly. “I didn’t think it was possible, you know.”

“I did not.” And Ivan would like to keep it that way.

Alas, Aleksander seems inclined to continue talking. “In all my long life, longer than you know, I’ve never fathered a child.”

Ivan grimaces. The world is probably grateful, though now it has much to fear. “It would have been challenging to have had a child during the wars, sir.”

Kirigan waves this aside, and unfortunately continues speaking. “Still, for it to happen with Alina...I’m so thrilled, Ivan.”

“And I am...happy for you, General.” Make it stop. Ivan is queasy.

“Of course, it’s probably for the best that it didn’t happen when Alina and I first got together, especially now that I know how possible that was.”

Ivan wants to cover his ears and sing “la la la la la,” but the implications of what his boss is saying finally sink in, and his horror at this whole situation increases exponentially. “Wait. Do you mean to say you weren’t using, ah, preventative measures?”

Kirigan’s face grows sheepish. “Until my conversation with Alina last night after you all departed, I wasn’t aware there was such a thing. In my day, one simply planned around the time of the month or withdrew from—”

“I beg you to stop talking. Moi soverennyi,” Ivan adds as an afterthought.

The Tsar falls silent, and Ivan sighs with relief.

But something bothers him. “Did you not get any sort of talk about how to prevent pregnancy when you were training? Even I did when I was young, before everyone knew I wouldn’t have to worry about that.”

“Like I said, there weren’t those kinds of options when I was young, as far as I know,” Kirigan says with a shrug.

Ivan begins to realize that his boss is, in fact, much older than he thought. That explains the herring and rye, too. He hesitates before venturing to speak. “Do...was Alina—the queen, that is, did she explain the different kinds of birth control, or…?”

“Well, I can’t get her more pregnant, Ivan.”

It’s too horrible to even contemplate, and Ivan shudders.

Kirigan laughs and slaps his shoulder. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to give me The Talk. Alina was so upset I didn’t know that she told me everything last night.”

Ivan’s lips twist in dismay at Aleksander’s rapturous expression that indicates there was a demonstration of some practical applications. Ugh. “Small mercies.”

“Well, hopefully you’ll consider this next a mercy: I want you and Fedyor to stay close through Alina’s pregnancy, especially once word gets out.”

Staying in Os Alta won’t be so bad, but the idea of dancing attendance on Alina, all while some parasite hijacks and distorts her body...well, hopefully he’ll get a good field assignment once this pregnancy is over. “Of course, moi tsar. And when will it end? I mean, ah, when is the blessed event?”

“In seven and a half months or so, perhaps eight. She’s about five or six weeks along, the healer says. And that, well…” Kirigan smiles at what is clearly the memory of this child’s conception.

Ivan fervently wracks his brain, desperate to keep his boss from offering more information that will give him nightmares about heterosexual intercourse. “And is there any way of knowing whether the babe will be a shadow summoner or sun summoner? Or both?”

A stricken look comes over Kirigan’s face. “Both?” He clearly hasn’t considered this possibility yet. “But that…” He doesn’t continue, instead going to fall into his chair and stare into distance.

It’s going to be a long few months.

&&&

It’s roughly eight months after that when Ivan is rudely pulled from sleep by Genya bursting into his and Fedyor’s room like she has the right.

It’s obscenely early in the morning, Ivan is, as is his usual habit, sleeping on his side facing the window. Fedyor, as is his usual custom, sleeps with his arm slung over Ivan’s waist and his head buried between his shoulder blades. It’s very soothing, normally.

Not today, though. The door opens with a bang, and Genya yells, “It’s time! She’s here!”

Ivan, suddenly wide awake, goes to jump out of bed. Instead, he finds that Genya has slowed their heart rates enough that hurrying is impossible. He glares at her. “What the fuck are you doing in our room? Who is here?”

“The baby is here. The tsarevna.”

“It’s a girl?” Fedyor asks with a smile.

Genya grins back. “Yes. She’s adorable.”

Ivan does not smile. “I’m glad she’s arrived. But why are you here in our bedroom at—” he glances at the clock and continues, “4:52 in the morning?”

“Everyone is going to see here. You’re the Tsar’s right-hand man, Ivan, so they’ll be expecting you.”

“Well, Genya, darling, you’ll have to let our hearts do their normal thing if you want us to do that,” Fedyor adds.

She shakes her head and drops her hand. “Of course. Sorry. See you there in fifteen minutes, and please be wearing pants. And shirts.”

Ivan grumbles, but gets out of bed. It’s difficult to want to leave when Fedyor is looking over him like that, but Kirigan probably will be upset if they don’t come to fawn over his spawn in what he deems a reasonable amount of time.

He and Fedyor make their way down the halls of the palace to Aleksander’s and Alina’s private apartment. The door is open, but Ivan nods at the guards and knocks anyway before stepping inside, Fedyor on his heels. He walks back to the bedroom, where he can hear hushed, happy conversations.

Alina is lying on the bed. She looks sweaty and disgusting, but in a radiant and maternal way that the Tsar seems to find beautiful, since he can’t look away from her. Typical, and exactly what got them into this mess.

The mess in question is wrapped in a blanket in her mother’s arms. Ivan glances at the small bundle, which seems to be sleeping. It is certainly very red.

Kirigan sits in a chair beside the bed, as close to it and his wife and new daughter as he can. He’s resting one hand on Alina’s shoulder, while the other trails along his daughter’s tiny head.

“The tsarevna is lovely,” Fedyor says, smiling down at the family.

Ivan thinks that’s a bit of a stretch, but he nods. “She looks like a baby. A healthy one.”

Fedyor elbows him, but Alina just rolls her eyes. “Thank you, I think.”

“She’s beautiful,” Aleksander says firmly, his face still disturbingly dreamy. “We’ve decided to call her Anastasia.”

Nastia. That seems about right.

Just then, the wee girl stirs and starts to wail. As her cries grow louder and Alina shifts to be able to feed her, shadows creep into the room. Then through the darkness, Ivan sees little flashes of light coming from the baby.

Fuck. This tiny child can summon shadows and light.

Nasty little Nastia indeed.

[chibalein]

Kalafina Live Report: 9+ONE @Kitakyushu - REVISITED

So, this is something I wanted to do for a long time now (almost 3 years to be exact). Back in 2017, when Kalafina was still a thing and times were good, I was lucky enough to live in Japan and able to attend various of Kalafina activities. My first proper concert was their final live of the 9+ONE tour in the city of Kitakyushu/Fukuoka prefecture, in June 2017.

My first live report was certainly different than all the others that followed, less detailed, less emotional so to say. I always wanted to update the whole thing because looking back, there were so many moments during the concert that I - for whatever reason - did not write about enough or not at all. Well, since I have been working at home for quite a while now, I feel like now is the perfect time, as this gives me an amazing reason to be lazy and productive at the same time. Here is my original live report: PART 1  /  PART 2

So, a lot of things will certainly stay the same because I just don’t remember enough of the concert, especially about the vocal performance or things the girls have said during the MCs. I will add some other details that I still remember (hopefully correctly), and describe everything a bit nicer too :)

Let’s do it! Long ass report ahead! again

Back then, I was living in Kanagawa prefecture, but I was too late for tickets of the Yokohama or Tokyo lives. I was planning to visit a friend who lived in Fukuoka city at the time and Kalafina’s Kitakyushu concert perfectly fit into my schedule. Luckily, I was able to buy a ticket via convenience store. As I was pretty late, I got a kinda bad seat in the almost very back of the upper floor.

The morning of the live I arrived in the city of Kitakyushu, which is a rather famous port city at the northern tip of Fukuoka prefecture. The historic town Kokura has a beautiful castle, which I visited as well as Moji port. (After reading Hikaru’s blog post where she said that she also went to see the castle, I was a bit disappointed that I didn’t meet her xD). There’s also TOTO Museum, a museum dedicated to the TOTO company, which is famous for inventing those high-tech toilets that Japan is so known for.

I was kind of warned beforehand that the Kalafina good’s sale would attract a ton of people, so I wanted to be there as early as possible. About two hours too early I arrived at Kitakyushu’s Harmony Cinq Soleil Hall and waited along with a handful of other people. Slowly but steadily more and more people would gather, forming an absurdly long line. Not as extreme as the 10th Anniversary good’s line, but still impressive. Luckily, I was standing in some shade, because it was so damn hot and sunny the entire weekend. When the doors finally opened, I am sure there were like 200-300 people waiting to receive those sweet sweet popcorn buckets that were sold as venue exclusive merchandise. In the end, I bought the T-shirt, the key holder, the popcorn and the clear files, but looking back I do regret not buying the notebook. I wanted the popcorn mainly because of the Kitakyushu exclusive sticker - the popcorn itself had the flavor chocolate + soda (I think?), which I remember thinking was the shittiest combo of all flavors they had. It didn’t taste as bad as I thought but I still think it was overpriced. Together with the ticket itself, I ended up spending about 100€, which I thought was a lot, especially as there were people buying the entire collection and even more... hahahaha, oh innocent, naive past me, I didn’t know what was coming to me yet.

(Photo: in front of the venue)

I do love my merch though. I still wear all my Kalafina T-shirts at home, and while in Japan I had the key holder... hold my keys, making it all dirty and bent now lol The popcorn cup is decorating my shelf to this day.

Anyway, after getting my stuff, I went on to walk around, grab something to eat and even made friends with a Japanese girl, sharing our Kalafina love. Later, when people were admitted, probably around 800-900 people were there, quite a view! I saw some foreigners as well, and even made friends with a Philippine girl as well :D

(Photo: merch table at the venue)

(Photo: the stuff I bought)

While entering, staff was handing out little goodie bags, mostly with flyers and ads for other events or the obligatory concert questionnaire. However, that bag included our very own 9+ONE Lights! I took my seat which wasn’t as far from the stage as I thought, but I still would not be able to see the girls’ expressions.

When the concert finally started, a black but transparent screen was lowered (you know it from the 9+ONE DVD) and they started to play an overture version of “Samidare ga sugita koro ni”. Meanwhile we got see a collection of Kalafina’s entire discography, where each title of their songs, even in their respective font if available, was shown and merged into a white cloud, revealing our ladies.

(Photo: stage before the concert started)

They started with “Samidare ga sugita koro ni”. I remember it being good and nice, but I was never really fond of that song, even though it has grown on me a bit. We all clapped along and had our fun.

It continued with “misterioso”, also a song that has grown on me over time. While everyone was staying seated and enjoying themselves before, all the dudes in the arena seats jumped to their feet, being an upbeat song and stuff. I was grateful for the upper floor to have stayed seated almost the entire time, because being so far away was shitty enough and I didn’t want to spend 2 hours standing.

Anyhow, this song revealed some flaws in either the acoustics of the hall or the mixing of the sound technicians (I guess the latter?). Wakana was uncomfortably loud most of the time, drowning out the other two, but especially Hikaru - in some songs more than in others and more often than not when she wasn’t in the lead too. Some of her notes simply made me cringe. Hikaru on the other hand seemed to be feeling the exhaustion of the tour. On many occasions, she sounded tired, especially when it came to hit those high or long notes. The band didn’t help either, they also drowned out many parts of the singing... Maybe it was just this venue though and luckily, the 10th Anniversary wasn’t like this. Then again, I only attended acoustic lives or lives without band after that, so who knows how they sound when there is no DVD recording going on XD

Next was “Lacrimosa”, and this time Wakana wasn’t being as cringy as before. Poor Hikaru doing nothing for most of the time. One cool moment was that short pause after their “LA-CRI-MO-SA” part, right before the final chorus. The stage turned deep red with the girls reaching out to the audience. When you don’t know that this is coming, it’s an incredibly powerful move.

I don’t remember what they said during MC#1, other than greeting the audience and the usual “We hope you have fun” stuff. I do remember Hikaru welcoming us to the Harmony Cinq Kitakyushu Soleil Hall, by saying the entire name of the hall, and then saying something along the lines of “Thank god I didn’t trip over my tongue” (it’s a lot harder to say that name in Japanese, I give it to her lol).

They proceeded to introduce “Ashita no Keshiki”, a song that is not performed often, also because it’s a song that is mainly sung by Wakana. It was a beautiful performance, which was a little bit ruined by Hikaru. If you thought that she sounds strained and tired in the 9+ONE DVD version, well, imagine her like 5 concerts after that performance. Still great though, I came to love that song a lot.

“Hikaru no senritsu” was equally ok, but Hikaru again kind of screwed up her short “ashita wo kanadete” towards the end of the song. She probably just didn’t hit the note correctly, but to me it sounded as if she screwed up the timing, because I didn’t even her the first word or so.

With “Mirai”, Kalafina finally started to move around, so far they had stayed glued to their positions. They waved and interacted with the audience, cheering us on to cheer them on. I did enjoy the performance and the overall atmosphere, although “Mirai” belongs to my most disliked of all Kalafina songs.

In MC#2, they talked about “Ashita no Keshiki” a bit, together with their first album and how this is the first time performing in Kitakyushu (and not Fukuoka city). Since this is Wakana’s home prefecture, she proceeded to talk about her favorite Udon and Ramen restaurants (I think it was also about the restaurant chain West) and other specialties of Fukuoka.

The next song was “Oblivious”, also a song I was really looking forward to. As you know, this time Hikaru decided to sing her first lines in her high head voice (probably because she just can’t do it “regularly” anymore). I thought and still think it’s lovely, as it gives the song a much more mysterious opening and it’s also quite closer to the original to be honest. Wakana and the band drowned out Keiko for most of the time, with Hikaru and her high voice coming to the party later too. The acoustics were really weird that day...

“storia” was as usual, nothing special and not a song that really stands out to me anymore.

I was more looking forward to “Gogatsu no Mahou”, which is also a song I came to appreciate more over time. I adore the bridge section after the chorus, especially Wakana’s “habataku kotori no” and that one super high moment, so I really tried to focus on that particular part of the song. It was great!

With “consolation”, finally a darker and fiercer song made its debut and while I don’t really remember the performance itself anymore, I do remember the stage production. Basically, they packed out those lights and illuminations that they have been hiding so far and blasted us with them. Hikaru was pretty quiet though. Keiko on the hand appeared to have problems with her earpiece, and at some point she was frantically waving to the technicians backstage.

Wakana took it upon herself to dominate “To the beginning” as well, but we got some action on stage at least, since the girls stayed glued to their positions most of the timea again.

In MC#3, Keiko talked about how every live performance as well as their unique harmony is important to them (quite ironic after Wakana was actively trying to make Keiko NOT be heard lol). The following song was special in a sense that there would be NO harmony. Back then, when Kalafina received the song for the first time (or before recording, not sure), they even asked Kajiura Yuki whether this is correct or even intentional.

With “Haru wo matsu” we got our obligatory ballad. While I was never really fond of the song, I think it’s sweet and yes, their missing harmony gives it quite a refreshing vibe. Keiko sounded pretty much like in the 9+ONE DVD, but it was so strange to hear her cutesy voice live and so clearly... she sounded like an entirely different person XD Hikaru, for the first time actually, could finally shine, as we could HEAR her. She didn’t deliver as good as she probably could have, but still it was a very pretty performance.

Now, we were reaching the spot on their setlist that would differ at each venue. Before the concert, I checked out all setlists from the previous lives to see whether there were any patterns or which songs were most likely to be performed (again). It seemed like they took 4-5 songs and repeated them over the course of the tour, which is why I had my hopes high for “Hikaru furu” or “Kimi no gin no niwa”. But interestingly they chose a song they hadn’t performed yet (please correct if I’m wrong here), which was “Ring your bell”.

“Ring your bell” is very high on my list of all-time disliked Kalafina songs (I just can’t seem to escape that song...). But I was pleasantly surprised to hear that they started the song as an acoustic version, very much like the performance during their Arena Live. It stayed acoustic until after the first chorus, then the band joined too. I like this half-half version over the “normal” version, because it’s an amazing moment when you don’t expect the loud and cheerful opening of “Ring your bell” to suddenly fill the stage. The overall harmony of band and singers came together again and the acoustics were finally so much cleaner and nicer. The audience rose to their feet and even some dedicated dudes on my loser floor stood up to cheer them on. However, Wakana’s final high-pitched “ring your BELL” was incredibly cringy and breathy, one of the main reasons I hate the song so much.

Anyway, Kalafina got their break to change costumes and we got an AMAZING performance by the band that played some BGM of the anime “Kubikiri Cycle”. To this day, I don’t know what exact song they played and for the love of god, please SOMEONE TELL ME. I know it was fairly uptempo and rather dark... help pls XD

So far, the stage production was pretty much boring and simple. Other than some light effects, nothing really happened, we just had that huge curtain as background. Now, we finally got ACTION. Well, at least for the eye. They lifted the curtain and revealed those huge, impressing statues of Kalafina’s silhouettes, mostly made out of their past live outfits. I could have spent a long time checking out every part of this artwork, trying to recognize what dresses from which live they used and what not. Now that I watched the DVD, I know where Kalafina was standing, but at the time I didn’t see them AT ALL. The music played the overture and suddenly Keiko was on stage with the other two following her. To me it looked like they stepped THROUGH the middle silhouette, but turns out they were just standing in front of it - they were so far away, I couldn’t differ between them and the clothes behind them lol

(Photo: Hikaru’s “silhouette” with her outfits)

Well, I think I already gave you my opinion on those new dresses... At the time, both Keiko and Wakana looked kinda cool and pretty shiny, but even though I could see jack shit from so far away, I knew that Hikaru’s outfit was a disappointment. Her fucking pants and skirt or whatever that is... XD

I was incredibly looking forward to “Märchen”, as now it became one of my all-time favorite songs. But back then I was especially amazed by the song during their release event of the single in April. I wanted to hear this live again so badly and well... I did, but it wasn’t as good as the release event. Again, Hikaru sounded tired and Keiko and Wakana were fighting about who could be louder than the band. Keiko drowned out Hikaru most of the time... During the middle section we saw their Kala-dance, which I already got to witness during the release event. However, I was pleased to see that they decided to spice things up by showing background animations. It looked like they danced in sinc with themselves, it was truly impressive and such a refreshing use of video. This, as well as the later “Magia” performance made this concert/tour truly stand out and I am glad that they could take their creativity to a new level. I wish they would have continued to do so much more later on.

So, let’s talk about “Magia”. Holy shit, what a performance. The screen from the very beginning was lowered, intro was played, forest was shown, you know it guys. In sync with their live singing, they showed this fucking amazing pre-recorded bits of Kalafina and as I didn’t see this coming, it absolutely blew my mind. It was a psychedelic wtf show with cinema feeling all over the place and for once, the acoustics were actually good. Especially the instrumental part was... I don’t know what it was, but HOLY. SHIT. Truly guys, it was so cool. If there ever was an interview on that particurly performance I would love to read it to how Kalafina thought about this one and how the creation process went. When Keiko stepped in front of the screen it just added to her overall cool demeanor. When the screen was lifted again, we got a little sneak peak of the microphone stands in back.

(Photo: Keiko’s “silhouette” with her costumes)

Which were of course used for “Kyrie”. The DVD version is truly one of my favorite performances of that song and in Kitakyushu it was pretty cool too, especially with their small but effective arm movements. Keiko’s final long-ass “kyrie” was amazing and fairly unexpected from my side. Also some fat light show and big bass sounds, which I am always appreciating.

Next up was “heavenly blue” and here they tried to interact with the crowd once more. I like this song mostly for the kajiurago bridge and I always focus especially on Wakana’s super high “so na” (or whatever), while Keiko is going low at the same time. Wakana was too loud again though, but by now their overall performance and acoustics improved quite a lot.

“One Light” once again activated the crowd, especially Hikaru went crazy here. The atmosphere was amazing and you could just feel that everyone was fired up, singing along and having fun. Everyone just screamed when Hikaru sang “boku wa yukeru”, so cool.

MC#4 was about band introduction. Konno Hitoshi and Sakurada weren’t present if I remember correctly, which was a shame... but then again, I wouldn’t know the difference lol

The last song of the block was their new single at the time, “Into the world”. It was really beautiful, Hikaru finally sang more clearly. A good performance, very similar to the ones I would see from that point on.

We got a little break again, as Kalafina traditionally fake-ended the concert. While the audience was clapping, it took about 5 minutes or so for them to return. But first, the screen was lowered again, and some text, together with the intro for “Ongaku” finally told us to switch on our 9+ONE Lights. Everyone did so and boy, what a sight! Even from so far in the back, the lights in the dark hall looked so great! While of course hundreds and hundreds of people were present, you don’t really get a sense of that sheer number when you focus on the stage the entire time. I looked around and with so many lights illuminating the hall, you truly get a feeling of how many people actually are here with you.

Kalafina returned with their plain, but nevertheless cool black outfits, wearing the little lights themselves and standing on a mini-stage. The song played out as usual, but this time, as Konno Hitoshi wasn’t present and the other violin guy played his solo different than usual. Don’t ask me how it differed, I really don’t remember, but I liked that version a lot more. We got a new cool background too.

“blaze” pretty much business as usual.

(Photo: Wakana’s “silhouette” with her outfits, sorry for the bad quality)

MC#5 was about Hikaru and her beloved sales corner, where she mainly introduced the Kalafina produced goods like Keiko’s pink dumbbell and her bath salt (I think). She talked about the 9+ONE Lights and that they do not produce new lights for each concert, but re-use them every time. That was supposed to increase to sense of unity and connection between them and the fans as well as among the fans themselves, “carrying the fire of every fan and concert to the next” or something like this. As Kalafina had upcoming concerts in Taiwan and Hong Kong, Hikaru said that they would bring the lights to international fans too, so “don’t take them home!”. Well... I guess my ten years of studying Japanese at this point must have failed me in that particular instance because I truly don’t know what she said or meant. I unfortunately ended up taking the ring home. #guiltybutnotguilty #sue me

I think this is also where they talked about the big silhouettes we have seen in the earlier block and that they used dresses from previous performances to decorate them. They then turned around, facing the wall and imitated the poses of the silhouettes - it was super funny and crowd laughed and cheered. I think they lifted the screen of this stained glass pattern to show the silhouettes for direct comparison. (Correct me if I am wrong, but I think they cut out this conversation from the DVD? Not sure, too lazy to check).

We sadly arrived the final song of the setlist, which again should differ at each venue. What song would it be? I hoped for songs like “sprinter” or “Yume no daichi”, as those were among the songs they had already performed during the tour.

Well, back then, they had announced their new single “Hyakka Ryouran”, but it wasn’t released yet (I think we only knew some bits of the chorus at the time). Funnily, I talked about that with the girls I had met prior to admittance, something like “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool if Kalafina performed Hyakka Ryouran as surprise encore?”. I mean, they were no strangers to performing songs that haven’t been officially released yet, see “Into the World” during the Arena Live. But, you know... I thought that would be unlikely, because why should they?

BUT NOT THEY ACTUALLY DID IT! Keiko was like: “Ah, which song will be the final song... Well, how about our new single?”, and the crowd LOST IT. I lost it too XD Seriously, no one could handle that. Anyway, now that I know the full version by heart, it’s hard to describe how I felt back then. Listening to a song for the first time is always an experience, but it makes it hard to remember when you can’t listen to it again and again. I tried to focus on every aspect of the song, and remember it as being “dark”, due to Keiko’s deep intro, “fast” and “rock-like”, fitting into the samurai setting of the anime with its flute elements. I still couldn’t believe my luck though and afterwards, the crowd cheered and cheered.

Now the concert should have been over, but instead they entered MC#6. They talked about the first sing of the night “Samidare ga sugita koro ni”. Apparently, they pretty much have never performed this one live, except once during a fanclub-only event. For this tour they wanted to sing this song “for everyone”, as it is such a bright and warm piece.

So, for whatever reason, Kalafina decided to perform “Samidare ga sugita koro ni” AGAIN. However, this time they emphazised that bright feeling of connected hearts and unity by making us turn on our One Lights and wave along with the rhythm. Everyone loudly sang with them, especially during the “lalala” part towards the end. It was so much fun to listen to Kalafina, to the audience around me and singing along too, all while watching this amazing light show that we were creating ourselves. It was even better and much more carefree than the first performance. Still can’t believe my luck that of all venues of the 9+ONE tour, I got to attend to most unique one.

After that, the band was introduced again, they all held hands and thanked the audience for coming. But just before they wanted to bow, Wakana suddenly sobbed (so loud that I actually heard it lol), trying to wipe away tears. Being in her home prefecture, I figured she was just so overwhelmed by her emotions. Each of the three said some final words and with that the concert and the domestic 9+ONE tour ended.

I proceeded to take photos of the stage, as we were still able to see the big silhouettes. However, staff members appeared and told everyone to stop taking pictures and get the fuck out, probably to stop people from “spoiling” the concert before the DVD release or copyright or whatever. Well, thankfully I already took like 3 photos and managed to sneakily take another one, in order to have a close shot of each silhouette (which is why the third photo of Wakana’s statue is not a close-up like the other too). I left the building, returned to Fukuoka city and 2 days later back to Kanagawa.

-------------------------------------------------

Despite the sound issues, it was truly a great live experience. 9+ONE would be, along with the 10th Anni, my only “real” Kalafina concert experience, as all the other concerts I attended would either be acoustic or without live band. I am so thankful that I managed to seize the opportunity and attend this live, especially in Wakana’s home. Writing this report again made me remember all those feelings I had back then, now they make me both happy and sad.

Anyway, I hoped you like my updated report!

[caribou-stories]

Ni-ka-wi (My Mom)

Today is Mother’s day and I will be honouring and celebrating my late “nikawi” with a meal and traditional hand drum song. It has been 3 years since nikawi travelled back to the spirit world. During the month of May and leading up to, I am reminded of her power and sacredness. Sometimes it hurts a little too much, but I revere her memory to the best of my ability. She loved it when I sang particular songs at home, so that’s what I continue to take care of my spirit. The grief around losing your first home is unexplainable. You have to lose it to understand it.

The influence she has been in my life so far has been humbling. She raised me to be loving, free, and gifted in wealth. She catered to the artist that dwells inside of me, and so have the matriarchs before her. I remember one summer trip we took up in the Timmins area. We were living in Sudbury with my grandparents John and Sarah at that time. The drive up to Timmins, Matheson onto Kirkland Lake was memorable to say the least. I must have been about 13 years old and our original plan was to go to one of our first Sundance lodges that came to Northern Ontario, so we can visit relatives visiting from being away for so long. The highway was peaceful and we enjoyed ourselves, listening to Def Leppard and laughing the entire way along. Once we arrived to Matheson, which is a very small town, we were greeted by a vast dark sky and some casual lamp posts here and there. We were a little shook that there wasn’t anyone really in sight, except a few workers from abroad at a small motel. Nikawi drove up to these folks and began asking, “do you guys know where Nitaskinan is? It’s a place where we have ceremonies”. She was so spunky and had a good set of interpersonal skills. When she worked at a hot food deli, she never cheap-ed out on the wing sauce or cheese on the pizzas for her customers. Everyone remembers her for her wit and charm. Now days, I have a good chuckle revisiting that time she asked some non-indigenous folks for directions to our ceremonial grounds because although they has not the slightest idea of where to point us, one of the ladies kindly guided us to the OPP station nearby for some help. I guess she wanted to exude the same kindness nikawi approached her with. But, we were too shy so we decided we would be back, and kept driving onward to Kirkland Lake. Turns out we had relatives staying at an elders’ home there since the hospital in Attawapiskat flooded. Nikawi’s now late aunt Maniashin (Angela) and late uncle Eli, along with one more elder I cannot recall, were there and we were going to go visit them. 

Upon our arrival that late evening, we almost did not find a place to stay. Luckily, there were two hotels in town and we managed to get a room. I remember feeling unsure of the situation we found ourselves in but, very safe in nikawi’s care and protection. In the morning, we got some Mcdonald’s and proceeded to check out where the elders’ home was. She asked me to navigate some directions by mapping a way there while we had some free wifi. Once we found the right place, I remember arriving onto the floor with my mom, being mindful of the hospital like finishes on the railings and wallpapers. It was nice, well kempt. It was a small floor but nice, very intimate and homey. Nikawi bee-lined to the nurses station and asked where we could find Angela and Eli. I followed her to their room and saw a face resembling my Gookum Sarah very much. Her light hazel or blue eyes, matched with a light grey haircut that fell to her shoulders. With her cute button nose, and ever warming smile, I met my great-aunt Maniashin (Angela) who was my Gookum (Grandmother) Sarah’s older sister, and Eli their older brother. I was named after my Gookum Sarah (my mom’s mom). I listened to their conversations during that afternoon, enjoying our beautiful language. I’ve never felt more safe than around my grandparents who only speak ininimoowan (Cree). These days, I can keep up with conversations but less than I could as a child. I wish I could converse in proper ininimoowan. 

After a bit, Eli and nikawi went somewhere he needed her assistance. I sat with Maniashin for a few moments until she began asking me things about myself. When she asked if I make anything with my hands, and I said eh heh (yes). Her eyes lit up and smiled a beautiful grin. I told her I made gloves, beadwork, slippers, and other artistic crafts. She then began to share, once you’ve been making these things for so long, you won’t be able to do it anymore. Your grandmothers and I cannot do these things anymore because of our bones. You need to carry this tradition on, just like all of your grandmothers (Angela, Sarah, Madeline, and Pauline, all sisters and my maternal grandmothers). You’re young and you’re able to do it, so keep doing it. Don’t forget about what you have now. Over the years, I’ve begun to understand how important that means, like really means, not just to me. Nikawi always nurtured my artistic abilities by always providing me with crafts like markers, paper, paint, crayons, and then a miniature sewing machine, small pieces of fabric, and then more onto beads, leather, and good scissors. Since I had grown up in the care of Nikawi and my Mooshum and Gookum (Grandfather and Grandmother), I was very fortunate that I could spend moments of my childhood watching and learning about what Gookum was making. She was often crafting up nibagan (goose down blanket) bags made out of heavy duty canvas and doubled down straps, or hemming a pair of goose-beaded moccasins bigger for my younger cousin who’s now at a staggering 6′8′’. 

My Gookum Sarah has always played a big role in passing along knowledge and skill to me. I remember when I was making my first pair of gloves. I used Gookum’s beadwork and based my work off Maniashin (Angela’s) semi-completed glove. The leather pieces were complete except the lining and fur. All the materials were given to me by my Gookum. I had such a hard, testing time with the lining. Little did I know, Gookum advised Nikawi not to try to help me because getting frustrated is a part of the learning. I would figure it out, and I did (to the best of my abilities!). I must have put a few solid days of work into these gloves. Upon completion, I showed my grandparents and mom my first pair of gloves. I was rained with kisses, hugs, and excited laughter. Gookum taught me how to braid the 4 strand yarn strings for the gloves, something that a lot of Omushkego folks have on their gloves or mitts so they can hang off the shoulders. I was especially excited to learn how to make the signature pom-pom tassels. Ever since that day, I always showcase my completed projects to somebody. 

My Gookum Sarah wearing the gloves I just completed assembling. 

Rounding back to the story, we stayed in Kirkland Lake for 2 days and it was a powerful experience to watch my mom be with our elders. During our time with our elders, nikawi took care of their needs. There was no hesitance, she just did what she needed to do. She fed our elder relative her food, and made her tea while she conversed with Eli and Maniashin. The lunch hour was full of laughter, head nodding, and sitting together. One last elder we payed a brief visit on our way out, was an elder nikawi held in high reverence. I cannot recall which elder this was. She described him as this influential, outspoken leader-man she had grown up looking up to. When she would describe him, I imagine how he looked like as a young man while we were in the elevator. Strong, tall, lean, wearing a weathered outdoorsmen coat, beaver pelt hat, matched with jeans or tough twill, and footed with traditional winter moccasins that wrap around the ankles and shins. When we arrived on his floor, we saw him sitting in a chair and nikawi began to greet Mooshum. He was very elderly now. I watched and smiled, then she began to shed some tears. He comforted her and held her hand. It was a powerful exchange to witness.

Nikawi was a Personal Support Worker in Fort Albany, so she spent a lot of time taking care of elders for years. She still worked while she was pregnant with me and she told me that the elders loved to greet me and acknowledge the journey I was making into this world. Her gift as a care taker was out of this world. Our departure from the Elder’s home was bittersweet as that was the last time we saw Maniashin. We attended her funeral a few years later. Eli then passed years on later. I’m grateful to Nikawi for bringing me to visit them with her. Afterwards, we trailed our way back to Matheson to find the Sundance grounds, and we did. During the last day of the ceremony, we enjoyed time with our relatives and spent some time in the lodge. We received healing from the Horse and Contraries. The following years, I would return to the grounds to be with family and the lodges. 

All in all, I will always miss Nikawi, my mother, my first home. I will always be grateful for all the things she did to help me find my path as a young person. And, I’m grateful for those elders who shaped her to be the fierce mother she was to me. The resilience she had fostered within me is incredible, regardless of how challenging and painstaking the lessons near the end of her life were, she still taught me the rawness of love and caretaking. The story of Nikawi’s passing will wait until a later time; I’m lucky to have chosen her to be my Mother, even if it was for a short time. She still visits me in my dreams, and I miss her.

Nikawi wearing her purple sweater from her sister, Maniashin (Angela) wearing a blue cardigan, and our elder relative in the bottom left of the photo.

Eli and Nikawi speaking about land in ininimoowan. When Eli passed, I imagined him flying in the sky with the stars. 

Nisakihetin dushineh mama. 

Kindly, 

S

[bohotraveller-blog]

Insanity Revisited- Solo Biking Expedition On The World's Harshest Desert

It was October 2016 and Suhas was just back from a solo expedition covering Australia’s East to West Coast.  We had immediately taken a liking to him and of course we kept in touch because we knew that this craziness was just beginning. As suspected, our biker dude found his inspiration in the Ayers rock. Yep, that red massive sandstone rock which quintessentially represents Australia. Through one of the most punishing deserts on Earth, this expedition is as much about courage as it is about perseverance and unwavering self-belief.  There is also the whole hearted support of a loving family who believe in letting him loose! So here is Suhas at his candid best and we are so glad we got to catch up with him after all this time!

1.     Last time when we got together, you were just back from a bike ride covering East to West coast of Australia. Tell us what kept you busy between the last and the present expedition?

Gosh, it doesn’t feel like it’s already been over 2 years since I did the East Coast to West Coast (SYDNEY – PERTH) solo motorcycle ride. Life was back to normalcy just a few days after returning from Perth and unbeknownst to me got stuck in the more routine activities – work, family and rinse, repeat. Still, managed to travel with family and friends & take them on a few road-trips in car and a couple of trips outside Australia again with family.

But more often than not we tend to forget that we need to venture out into the open which then helps you give a different perspective to life.

 2.     We are sure the “normalcy” did not suit you for long. Tell us why did you choose this stretch for your latest bike adventure?

Mid-last year while I was flying out of Australia, I looked down from my window and saw this glorious red rock glowing in the late afternoon light. That kind of planted the seed in my head of exploring Ayers Rock on my Harley. Slowly, I started working towards it as this time it was going to be over 6000 kms of the unforgiving Australian Desert and each and every detail needed to be laid out and meticulously planned.

I wanted to do a round trip starting from Sydney and back again to Sydney covering the legendary Australian Outback thereby seeing the World heritage listed Uluru and the Kata Tjuta National Park. I wanted to push my boundaries this time around and thereby making sure this trip to be more challenging than my previous one.  And what better way to do it than being alone on the road with my bike in the middle of nowhere!

Life, according to me is a celebration – the more you celebrate the more there is in life to celebrate. I decided to “Celebrate Life” under the stars close to Australia’s most recognisable landmarks – ULURU.

3.     We agree and glad that you chose the magnificent Uluru for your next adventure. What prompted you to take the solo ride again?

 Hahaha, actually this is one of the most frequently asked questions by many people and honestly I feel I do not have one answer. It was purely based on my instinct and the fact that I was not entirely satisfied with my previous solo ride (to Perth) due to various factors as I thought I still could do so much more.

I have always enjoyed the mental focus and solitude while riding a motorcycle; you have no distractions and can really enjoy the moment and be in tune with nature with the pleasure of living in the Here and Now.

Riding a motorcycle enables the perfect relationship between rhythmic movement and internal stillness, drawing out the physical force like no other. Adding to the fact that exploring NT (Northern Territory) was on my cards too kind of triggered the notion of going on a more gruelling solo ride again.

4.     Alright, we are assuming that these solo rides are going well with the wife. How was this trip different from your last?

I had named this trip “The Mile Muncher” from the day I started working on this as it was clear I had to put a lot of kms under my belt on a daily basis, around 500 kms on an average.

The biggest difference was in my previous ride I only had to ride from east to west, but this trip was covering all the 4 directions with me starting west from Sydney, going north from Port Augusta (SA), travelling east from Tennent Creek (NT) and south from Rockhampton (QLD) back to Sydney and the total distance of this trip was 8,312 kms (approx 5,165 miles)spanning 17 days.

I was told before I even embarked on this expedition by few seasoned travellers that some stretches were really dangerous owing to the cross winds that is actually a normal occurrence in the Central Australian Desert and along with the ever present and the iconic Road-Trains without which the roads are pretty much empty. I also had to be geared up for the frequent sand storms, thanks to the mining that happens all through the desert. Along the track were the usual mix of Kangaroos, Emus, Camels, livestock and birds of prey mainly the famous Wedge tailed eagle which has an approximate wing span of 9 metres when in flight.

 5.     Did the past experience help you this time? Did it make you more relaxed or confident?

Oh yes, absolutely! Every single ride that I’ve completed till date has taught me some important life lessons with the most important one being that not everything goes according to plan and how much ever you plan, things happen which are outside our control and comfort zone. But the only way to get out of these types of sticky situations is to fall back on those lessons that were forcibly taught. Like they say “Good judgement comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgement”.

I was silently confident and relatively less nervous compared to my previous expeditions especially my previous ride partly because I got to know more about me during that 2 week period and even though that ride was not an easy one (6,927 kms in 16 days) my gut feeling kept reminding me that it was a ride that actually did not test my mettle in ways that I had expected it to.

And once I got this thought etched in my mind, the only way to prove it to myself or get over this was to get on my Harley and go on another ride but to increase the stakes and simultaneously making it more difficult. “The more difficult the goal, the greater the achievement” this statement pretty much summarises my thought process behind this expedition.

6.     We call it insane goal. Any problems that you faced with your bike in the course of your trip, and we are sure that even a great bike like yours would have issues considering the terrain and weather?

There was a major issue with my bike’s battery on the very 2nd day into my ride and unfortunately that day was one of the longest days of my ride covering over 600 kms and the starting point was Nyngan with the destination being Broken Hill.

It was around 6:20 AM on that fateful day and after saddling up, it came as a shock my bike wouldn’t start! Luckily I was carrying my trickle battery charger and thought putting my bike on charge for an hour or so would kick it back to life. After plugging the bike in, relaxed for a while, had a cuppa and at around 7:30 AM tried to start the bike and I was successful. Now happy, got saddled up again (mind you, saddling up takes around ~10-15 mins each time!) sat on the bike, turned on the music and tried starting the bike and Round 2; the battery died again!! I was devastated, all sorts of thoughts started clouding my mind – what’s going to happen now? Do I need to come back home? How am I going to complete over 8000 kms on a bike with a faulty battery?

I had to think straight now as this was a make or break situation that too on just the 2nd day. I called up the local mechanic, he came at around 8:20 AM, removed the battery, tried fixing it, finally put it back in and, the battery came back to life. Mechanic leaves, re-saddled and I tried to start the bike and guess what, Round 3 – the battery goes KAPUT! It was already 9 AM, I had lost 2.5 valuable hours on a 600 km day and frustrated to the core. I called the mechanic again, this time told to get a new battery and he came at around 9:45 AM, put the new battery on charge for 30 mins and finally the bike started!

I started from that place at around 10:30 AM, no drink breaks, no bathroom breaks, no photo breaks, just 1 lunch break after 400 kms when I refuelled the bike and reached the destination in a total time of 6.5 hours at around 4:30 PM (I was riding west, hence gained extra 30 mins due to the time difference).

So there is always something to cheer about in every situation as they teach us to reach new heights in whatever we are trying to accomplish!

7.     How did you prepare for this expedition?

I did not try to do too many things different this time around, just kept it simple and like I’ve said previously, laying out all the particulars and planning it to the finest detail was the foundation on which the broader aspects of my ride were built.

Once the route was finalized, I started planning around the accommodations and also making sure there were enough places to see nearby after each day’s ride. More than the physical effort that it takes on these kinds of expeditions, I would say it is more psychological as the mind tends to always look for negatives and negative outcomes in every situation and this particular phase during my preparation was more challenging; staying positive through the days of build-up and focussing only on one goal which is to come back home safe and sound and bring back a life-time worth of memories was among the things I did before embarking on my ride.

8.     What travel gear did you take along?

I have always been a light traveller and since I had made prior accommodations in hotels/roadhouses, I did not need to carry a tent and all its accompanying materials. I had installed custom panniers and it took most of the load including extra fuel, water, and battery trickle charger among others.

Coming to the riding gear, I pretty much followed what I used during my Perth ride which included a Kevlar trouser, a jumper and a leather jacket with elbow, shoulder and spine armour and lastly a back support belt ensuring I stay upright during the entire course of my trip. Also I was carrying 4 different pairs of gloves as the weather was fairly un-predictable ranging from a minimum of 3°c to a max 40°c across 4 states.

 9.     Which was the most memorable halt you made on the way

This is a very hard question for me to answer as every day’s ride and the following halt was memorable in its own way. But if I want to hand-pick just one, I would pick the 10th day of the ride where I had to do ~700 kms in a day starting from Tennant Creek (Northern Territory) and reach Mount Isa (Queensland). This was the longest day of this ride and I had to reach Mount Isa before 2 PM due to the fact that the sun’s rays would be most intense from 2 – 5 PM and post 5 PM it was almost impossible to ride a motorcycle owing to the sheer number of Kangaroos and cattle on the road.

So effectively I had early morning till 2 PM to finish 700 kms and that too had to ride east which meant I had to leave before sun-rise as in the desert you nearly get blind-folded while riding during sun-rise and this inadvertently impacts the day’s journey. I had to take the speed of earth’s rotation into account as I had to clock as many kilometres I could before sun-rise thereby ensuring I ride slowly and carefully with sun in my eyes.

I had planned on taking only two breaks on this day – first one after 220 kms and the second one 260 kms further from the first stop. The final stretch of 215 kms proved to be the most difficult of my ride (life). This was because I started losing focus & attention on the road during the last few kms and also my lower body slowly started becoming numb.

So when I reached the destination at 1:55 PM, I was euphoric and that inexplicable feeling will remain with me forever. I would rate it as my most memorable halt till date!

10. Any insane happening? We have seen those scary movies about highways..so indulge us.

Hahahaa, no such thing happened to me fortunately in this trip but I would like to share a couple of narrow misses that I had with animals on road which was more or less scary in some way.

First was whilst I was behind a road-train (>55-meter-long truck) cruising over 130 kmph trying to gauge its length for over-taking and all of a sudden the truck driver did a fishtail and I had to make a split second decision to swerve to my right as there was a massive dead kangaroo in the middle of the road. This episode was a good lesson for me to not only scan the horizon for animals which are on the side of the road but also the ones lying dead on the road.

Every morning I used to see birds feast on animals that got hit by vehicles travelling the previous night and one such instance happened that a few birds were on a feeding frenzy on a dead camel just on the side of the road and within that group was a Wedge-tailed eagle. These are the biggest birds of prey in the Australian desert. I normally slow down when there are birds around as I do not want to startle them, but this time I did not and the sound of the bike might have surprised the birds and the wedge-tail was within inches of banging on to my helmet. I had to veer to my left completely blinded with that 9 foot wing in my face to avoid hitting that bird.

There were a few more with Dingoes, bustards and emus but I reckon these two events were the most scary ones.

 11.Now that you are a veteran travel adventurer, any tips for the budding enthusiast based on your past two expeditions?

Always keep an open mind for whatever situation you might get into and never lose focus of the goal no matter the adversity. Even if you lose a couple of battles in between, make sure the war is won at the end, because when you are on the road not everything goes according to plan and one needs to be very flexible and do whatever it takes to reach the next milestone.

Set yourself a target or an assignment each day and this keeps every single day interesting and after the completion of that task the sense of accomplishment will most certainly make you more connected and fulfilled. Through this process you will be more motivated for the subsequent days’ travel. I would say this is a very important mental exercise especially while travelling solo as one will definitely feel that lack of motivation due to the missing human connection.

Lastly, solo travel gives one the space to think and deal with stuff like self-doubt or any emotional baggage that we inadvertently tend to push to the back seat while trying to get on with our normal lives. I think it is a great catch-up time with your own self which would invariably result in getting clarity in your life.

12. Sounds a lot like Meditation. We come back to our classic- what’s next?

I am planning to travel with the family this time around and maybe take them outside Australia to anyone of the nearby countries like New-Zealand or Fiji Islands and maybe do some adventure sports there.

Nonetheless, travelling to me is like a drug and sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere you find yourself!  “.

Suhas is the case of “Once Bitten, completely smitten”. We at Bohotraveller will wait for his next solo bike adventure and we are sure he will not disappoint yourself

About Suhas

Suhas is originally from Bengaluru, India. IHe moved to Australia in May 2015 and is currently working as a Technical Architect in Sydney.   Suhas is a quintessential biker dude and loves going on expeditions on his beloved Harley. His wild vagabond streak is only tempered by his meticulous planning and that has enabled him to go on adventures others can only dream of.

Hope you go inspired by Suhas’s extraordinary journey because we definitely are! Iif you are somebody who got as crazy on bike as Suhas, tell us DEFINITELY! Yours could be the next story we feature on Bohotraveller. After all it is about inspiring the best of travel!

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[crabsticksforbreakfast]

Help! New York has stolen my boyfriend!

I haven’t written for a VERY long time, I know. The truth is, I tend not to need to when I’m happy, and happy I have been since I got together with my lovely S2 a year and a half ago. Of course there are difficult moments, especially when my brain does the thing and I get all anxious for stupid reasons, or he goes off script in some way and I don’t have a way to cope with it.

Right now, he is going off script, big time, and yes, I am struggling. Once I say what it is, some of you are going to say, “pffft, what the hell is the big deal”, but remember (a lot of people seem to forget) that each brain works differently. We all have our own fears and our own set of values that we assume other people share, or at least can understand.

So, what has he done? The answer is, he has gone to New York. Not forever (thank God), but it has sent me into a horrible spiral of anxiety, just as I knew it would when he very first told me about it. He has gone to support a school trip, and he will return on Tuesday. Here I am definitely sensing the “pfffft”, but hang on. Let me explain the many reasons why this messes with my brain.

My boyfriend and I are in some ways very similar creatures. We’re silly and childish with a weird sense of humour, we like being lazy and cuddling up together, we both LOVE music, we have similar views on life and what we want life to be, and we love going on adventures... together. Whether at home or away, I have become very used to having him at easy reach. We meet up every Wednesday after work for date night, and I stay at his parents’ house with him at weekends. When we go away, I drive us somewhere far away, deep in the countryside, usually, and we wander around together, totally content with each other’s company. I have a few friends, S2 has none, but we have never actually hung out with my friends or anyone else. It’s always just us, and I love that. He is my safe zone, my happy place. We always send each other morning texts with a precise amount of kisses, and after work, we text all evening until bedtime, often using the same phrases and bringing up the same in-jokes. It never gets boring, and I still get the same butterflies when his name pops up on my phone as I did in those heady and confusing days before we got together. I rely on our little routines to get through the day. I guess you could say I’m addicted to him and the way we do things - I’m addicted to being a part of a perfect pair, and not one thing in this world would tempt me to willingly walk away from that, even for a moment.

One Wednesday afternoon, I’d driven the forty minute drive from my work to his to pick him up. I don’t like the drive, but I do it whenever he asks me to (he usually catches the train and I collect him from a station closer to home) because I like to make things easy for him and because it means I can spend as much time with him as possible when he finishes late. When I pull up outside his school, I’m usually a little shaken as I’m a nervous driver and there are some scary roads on this route, and this day was no exception. When I saw S2, my little heart lit up and I gave him my usual greeting, a “helloooo”, a big grin and a kiss. We drove off into the town (more scary roads) and while I was driving, he told me something that could have easily made me crash my car - he had signed himself up to go on a school trip to New York during February half term. My heart sank, and these are the reasons why:

1. Half terms are the only times we get to spend any REAL chunks of time together. I didn’t want to miss out on this time that I enjoy so much. Looking forward to half term with S2 gets me through the term! As much as I love doing what I do, working in a school is exhausting and sometimes stressful. Even when we don’t go away on holiday, being with him is holiday enough.

2. We were meant to be looking for a place to live together. S2 had agreed to check out some caravans parks with me during February half term and I was so excited. I have always had two dreams in life. One is to be in a beautiful forever relationship with my perfect person - check! The second is to have my own home and move out of my mother’s house. I could see my dream on the horizon! And then it disappeared.

3. I felt hurt because his decision to go went against one of my own values - I would never, ever, choose to do anything when the alternative was spending time with S2. My friends all know that I will fit them in AROUND my timetabled S2 time. Even my own mother has (I think) finally come to terms with the fact that my weekends belong to S2, not her. When I have uni work, instead of doing it at weekends like I used to, I do some on my lunch break, and the rest in the evenings I’m not with S2. Any “fun” things wouldn’t even make it onto my agenda if it meant “fun, but without S2″. I felt so deeply disturbed that S2 was happily choosing to do something he didn’t actually HAVE to do at a time that he would have been with me. Even now, after knowing he has chosen to do this, I still stick to my values. Things have come up that have peaked my interest, but as soon as I’ve realised they are happening during S2 time, I forget about them. Someone could offer me an all expenses paid trip to Norway with guaranteed Northern Lights and my own little red cottage with mountain views and I’d still say no if it meant being away from S2. Priorities! I didn’t feel much like a priority when I heard what S2 planned to do...

So, feeling all of these things at once, but still trying not to crash my car, I went quiet. S2 noticed something was wrong and starting trying to ask me, so I started doing that annoying “woman” thing of saying, “I’m fine” when I really wasn’t fine at all. Realising it was about the trip, S2 started back-tracking, offering to pull out if I really didn’t want him to go. At this point, a whole bunch of other thoughts popped into my head, on top of the hurty feelings I mentioned above:

1. What the hell kind of bitch girlfriend would TELL her boyfriend he couldn’t do something he wanted to do? One of my all-time pet peeves is when people are controlling over their partners and try to impose rules on how they live their lives.

2. BUT I REALLY, REALLY didn’t want him to go! So how could I just lie and say it was fine when it felt like my heart was being jammed into a shredder? 

3. Even if I did pretend it was all good in the hood, how long would it be before my mask fell off and S2 saw how upset I really was about it? And what would happen then? Would it change anything? And if it did change anything, how bloody guilty would I feel about it?

So, in my usual painfully awkward way, I bottled it all up until we got to his house, and as soon as he mentioned it to his parents (who were really thrilled about it) I went into shut down mode, realising I was failing terribly at not crying in front of everyone and locked myself in the bathroom for a panic. After this, I tried to put on a brave face and cook dinner like a normal person, but I couldn’t, and S2 wouldn’t stop looking at my eyes and trying to get me to talk about what was bothering me. If you’ve read my blog, you’ll all be very aware of how difficult I find it to actually talk about my feelings to the person those feelings involve. I ended up turning into a pitiful, crying mess, forcing out each excruciating word, which made me cry even more. Somehow I managed to express some of what I was feeling and obviously this made S2 feel so bad he wouldn’t stop holding me and telling me or hinting at his secret plans that should really have stayed secret in order to make me feel better. What those plans were is a whole different blog post, so I won’t go into details! I mean, sort of knowing his intentions with me did make me feel good, but it still didn’t make me feel better about this New York trip. By the end of the evening, he had uttered the forbidden word (love!!!) so many times I was on quite a high, and he had also said enough to make me think that he probably wouldn’t be chosen for the trip anyway, so I pushed it to the back of my mind for a week.

The following Wednesday, I made the same journey to pick him up from work, and I had almost forgotten about New York. But then, at exactly the same point on the map as last time, he mentioned it again... and this time it was worse. He was actually going. I can’t actually remember how I reacted. I think I was kind of numb. I guess I’d thought about it enough and kind of expected it deep down, so I managed to appear OK. Obviously I was broken into pieces, but I was also so emotionally tired that it didn’t show. Feeling guilty, S2 directed me to a nice restaurant (where we’d gone on our first date) and pulled out all the stops to make me feel better. Again, all very nice, but it didn’t change the fact that he was going...

Because I actually value my relationship and don’t intend to start messing it up, I have managed to keep up my brave face until now. I got all through Christmas and my birthday without letting the dreaded NY monster take over me. S2 talked about it, but not so much that it triggered my anxiety, and things just kind of bumbled along smoothly. I tried my best to stop seeing his choice to go as a direct insult, and that was probably the way I helped myself the most. I also talked it out with Binbag and Skittles, who both completely understood my feelings and offered their services to cheer me up while S2 was away. Before their offers, my plan had been to sit under my duvet and cry for five solid days, so I was grateful, despite knowing exactly how my mind would be dealing with (or not) my situation. Little did I know exactly how hard it would be, or what complications would come along to make things even worse.

Yesterday at around 4PM, I parked up and saw that S2 had texted me. He was just getting on the plane and promised to email me when he got to New York. A part of me was freaking out because AAAAGGGHHHH IT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING, but the promise of his email was something to cling on to. I kind of knew roughly how long the flight would be, so had a time frame in mind where I expected to receive contact. Good. I could just about cope with this. I went home, decided I needed a Chinese, ate the Chinese and sat around watching rubbish TV until I felt tired enough to go to bed. That was around 10PM. I had already made sure my notifications were switched on so I’d be woken up at some point within the next few hours by S2′s “I’m here” text. Ignoring my obvious niggling anxieties about his plane nosediving into the ocean, or being shot by Donald Trump upon arrival, I drifted off into a pretty deep slumber. 

Unusually for me, I didn’t wake up until about 4AM. At first, all I could think about was the weird dream I’d just had about trains and bicycles, but then it hit me. I hadn’t had my email! Surely he couldn’t still be on the plane? The flight would not have taken 12 hours, so surely he was already settled into his hotel and had had plenty of time to send me a quick email... Cue extreme panic! Cue sending myself copious nonsense emails to make sure my app was working! Cue desperately trying to Google something that gave me an indication of what had been going on with flights to New York! Cue taking to Facebook for reassurance from people who were definitely all still asleep! Cue crying, lots of.

The hours that followed were some of the most stressful and upsetting I have ever experienced. I don’t think I can even accurately explain what was going on in my head, but there was a lot of wildly swinging from “he probably just ran out of battery or can’t get WiFi” to “OMG HE’S DEFINITELY 100% DEAD AND I MIGHT AS WELL JUST JUMP OFF A BRIDGE NOW!” My brain was also giving me the horrible scenario of “maybe he just doesn’t really care all that much about you and decided not to contact you”. Great times. Great, tearful, wailing times, in the dark, all by myself!

I ended up posting in a travel group on Facebook I use frequently. I just wanted some kind words and reassurance, and I did get plenty. I also received some useful information/notions that I either didn’t know before, or hadn’t considered in my stressed-out state. They were:

1. Apparently WiFi in New York is terrible. Several said there aren’t really many free WiFi options available and they thought he probably hadn’t been able to contact me because of this.

2. There had been no reports of plane crashes or problems, so he was probably perfectly safe and alive. Several made a very valid point - if something had happened to a plane flying to New York, it would be all over the news in an instant.

3. Flights that long are tiring to the point he might have simply been too exhausted to make contact.

4. Being in charge of a group of kids, he might not have had the chance to grab his phone out of his pocket.

All of these ideas, as well as the many kind words and reassuring comments that people offered did help a little, but my brain was stuck so far into panic mode that it still wasn’t enough to calm me down and allow me to go back to sleep. I just needed contact. That was the only thing that could really help. And it wasn’t there.

A few hours later, time had moved forward while I had stayed still, and I received contact from S2′s mum, Diva, telling me not to worry, and this was just what S2 was like. But I knew differently! S2 was NEVER like that with me. There have been times when one or both of our phones have glitched out and contact has been lost, and I have spun off into a panic. S2 has learned that I need reassurance in these circumstances, so as soon as he realises something is wrong with the phones, he’ll get his mum to text me, or get on Facebook to message me instead. It stops me going crazy and assuming he suddenly hates me, which is a pretty common thing for me to do, unfortunately!

Anyway, so Diva’s comment didn’t really have the desired effect. In fact I started to question her mindset. Why wasn’t SHE worried that she hadn’t heard from him? Wasn’t that like a trademark thing for a mother to do? My mother worries about me if I go out in the next town and don’t contact her, so God only knows how she’d be if I jetted off to New York and didn’t touch base when I got there.

Another person we all used to work with ended up commenting too, and at first, her words were comforting. She echoed a lot of what was being said to me in the travel group. The problem was, other things were being said in the travel group that were triggering off other worrisome thoughts and giving me ideas, like, “you should contact the school/hotel to see if he has arrived”. I had tried Tweeting the school earlier, but unsurprisingly, no one was answering me at 4AM on the first Saturday of half term. So, the hotel... but what was it called? I don’t think S2 had ever told me the name of it, so I didn’t know what to look for. Thinking this was a great idea, I found one of Diva’s comments on my post and asked her if she new the name of the hotel. The first response came from the other person who’d commented and it shocked me. She all-caps shouted at me to “STOP IT” and basically told me off for even considering it, ordering me to just give up and get on with my life. Ummmm, well, I can’t really do that when I’m the most worried I’ve ever been, but OK!!! Then, even more to my surprise, Diva replied, ignoring my question, choosing instead to agree with the other woman. What?!?!?! His own MOTHER?!?! Refusing to help me, his loving girlfriend who she has always wholeheartedly approved of, find out if her OWN SON was still bloody alive?!?!?! I was stunned, mortified and livid all at once, and without even thinking, I snapped back, “So you won’t tell me?” deliberately omitting kisses for impact. As much as I felt well within my rights to question her mean decision, I immediately felt sick. The last person I needed to fall out with at this time, or any other, was my boyfriend’s mother. If she had taken an extreme dislike to me because of my snappy comment, my relationship with S2 faced a huge hurdle. He pretty much does anything his mum says, and most of our relationship takes place under her roof, so yeah, her hating me would kinda mess things up. Shit. I was halfway through composing a text to her, begging her to help me, but I didn’t want to make things even worse, and that’s when I fell into a pathetic crying mess. My mother was in the vicinity and heard me, so she came into my room. I was expecting her to be kind and comfort me, but instead she pretty much told me to man up and stop being stupid. Hurt and still deeply distressed, I told her to “fuck off”, which, again, made me think, “oh, shit”. She did immediately turn back to battle me, but I just cried and cried and wailed about how I needed her to be supportive, not to talk to me like I was pathetic. I don’t think she really got what I meant, but she refrained from continuing the argument and left. I cried solidly for hours after this, struggling to find comfort in anything anymore. Skittles had offered to meet up with me to cheer me up, and although I knew I’d enjoy seeing her, I couldn’t even comprehend being ready enough to leave me room. Plus, Diva was still ignoring me, so I was imagining all kinds of awkward and horrible scenarios that might occur between us. And through it all, I STILL hadn’t heard from S2.

Eventually, I was exhausted enough for a very patchy snooze, which killed about an hour, then I managed to drag myself into the shower, where I cried some more. By the time I was out, I was almost late for meeting Skittles. I hurriedly started trying to put my makeup on as the tears were still flowing. My mother was being kinder to me by this point too. I was so tired, my hands were shaking. And then, finally, it happened! AFTER 19 HOURS!!!!

S2 texted me instead of emailing, telling me that his data wasn’t working and that he was fine. The relief made me cry even more than the worry, and being so emotionally drained I could only manage to say that “I was so worried” and I was glad he was OK. He texted me a couple more times over the next hour or so while I was eating lunch with Skittles, and for a while I still couldn’t say anything apart from expressing how worried I had been. Diva had also texted me by this point, with kinder words, and I apologised for snapping at her.

I hung out with Skittles for the rest of the day, going back to her house to watch a movie. S2 continued to text me on and off, often with photos to accompany his words. I was better able to hold a conversation by this point, and even now as the evening is coming to an end here at home, I’m still in contact with him. I still don’t like the fact that he is so far away, that he will be there for days yet to come, and that there is likely to be a huge chunk of time I don’t hear from him when he is travelling home, but at least I know he’s not floating around in the sea, and his head isn’t mounted on Donald Trump’s trophy wall.

[austinpanda]

Dad Letter, 22072018

22 July, 2018

Dear Dad--

Happy Sunday! We just got back from our weekly taco excursion. That’s breakfast tacos, of course, although the place where we go has all kinds. Also they have the best queso dip in the free world. (It’s called Torchy’s Tacos. Their mascot is a little devil with a pitchfork. Damn Good Tacos, as they say.) Coming back I had to remind Zach that the guy who comes every Sunday to root around on our dumpsters is not a threat or a parasitic type of organism. He’s a symbiotic type of organism. He’s helping reduce the amount of trash going to the landfill. He’s like one of those birds that the alligators allow to pick the food out of their (the alligators’) teeth. I try to be extra charitable on Sundays. Because Jesus, I guess. (wink!)

One more thing about this morning’s tacos: Torchy’s has a different Taco of the Month every month. And it’s always something big and weird. One month they had a taco that consisted of a flour tortilla with a waffle in it, and a fried egg, and a strip of bacon. Served with syrup. It might look, sound, and feel disgusting, but it was actually yummy! Most of the tacos there are about $6.00 or less, but the Taco of the Month this month was special. They call it the Maine Squeeze, and it’s a taco made with lobster meat, avocado, lemon aioli (whatever the hell that is), mango, and a few other things. It’s a $13.00 taco. Zach had been wanting to try one. I had not been wanting to try one. But today was the day, apparently, because he got himself a Maine Squeeze $13.00 lobster taco. I am very pleased to report that he said it was incredibly delicious. On the one hand, it BETTER be amazing for $13.00, for a single taco. On the other hand, nice of them to make it worth it. I didn’t try it because, as with Stacy, seafood is my blood enemy. Fuck seafood.

Nothing much has happened in the past week; for which I’m grateful! I’m pretty confident that I now know how to do my job again, since they gave us the extra duties and the insufficient training. I’m spending most of my time trying not to pay attention to how hot it is. (Supposed to be 109 degrees tomorrow.) Not much you can do on a day like that, except do as much as possible as early in the day as possible, and stay inside the rest of the day. We’ve already got groceries and done our taco trip, completing everything before 9:00 a.m. I’m doing a load of laundry, but only one, because I try not to do any laundry once it gets over 90 degrees outside. I do this because, once it’s over 90 degrees outside, and especially as it approaches and exceeds 100, the electricity grid experiences peak strain. And I take it for granted, in a city like Austin, it’s not inconceivable that we experience brownouts due to all the AC usage when it gets over 110 degrees. Not looking forward to that!

Still planning on moving to Spokane early next year. Yesterday, at my suggestion, Zach and I compiled our list of ten reasons why we’re going. Here’s the list:

Affordable rent

Snow

General Sinfulness (Casinos! Dispensaries! Liquor sold in the grocery stores!)

Fewer people

Northern lights (I really want to photograph them!)

Having all four seasons

Escaping The South

Escaping our poopy jobs

Interesting neighbors, like Oregon and Canada

Mountains

I’m still petrified over all that icky change happening at the same time, but I am attempting to appear outwardly confident. (God Himself couldn’t sink this ship!) We’re saving money when possible, making plans, looking for places to live in and around Spokane, and anticipating the possibility to reinvent ourselves, at least a little bit.

I just got done making a pie. It’s a chocolate silk pie. It’s not actually very bad for me! It’s primarily a bit of semi-sweet chocolate and a bunch of tofu. In this recipe, tofu acts kind of like the foam packing peanuts for the safe transportation of the chocolate. Tofu doesn’t taste like much of anything, but it’s also high in protein. Anyway, assuming I don’t eat the whole thing in one sitting, it’s safe to say the pie won’t kill me. Trying to reduce my sugar intake. Trying every day to get a bit healthier. Probably switch to diet cigarettes, if someone invents that.

More next week. Stay safe and hydrated. :)

[sassypantsjaxon]

My gift for @niutellat for the week of hetalia gift exchange! Fruk! With a hint of FACE family and a side of (kind of) rusame! Happy holidays!

The rise of King Henry the ninth has seen with it the rise of the second British empire. Which had then in turn declared war on the Republic of France. France was told to surrender or face the consequences. Francis Bonnefoy chose the consequences.

... “Ah, you look wonderful.” The French president told his country. Francis preened in front of a mirror, straightening his tie and fluffing his curls. “One must always look their best when meeting their opponent.” “Even when the circumstances aren’t in their favor?” Francis glared at him. “Especially then.” “I’m glad you’re in such high spirits. It will convince that treacherous king that we aren’t defeated.” “Free France will never fall again. Not as long as I’m around.”

... “On this day, the Republic of France offers their unconditional surrender to the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.” Francis Bonnefoy silently stood by as his president condemned him to a life as England’s prisoner. Francis Bonnefoy chose the consequences, but his president chose to surrender.

---

“You lied to me!” Francis hissed when he and his president were alone again. “You said we weren't defeated! You agreed that we wouldn't fall! And you sold us out.” Francis glared at him coldly. “I don't know how you were ever put in power, but you never will be again.”

“France.” Francis turned to find Arthur standing in the doorway. “It's time to go.”

“Go where? This is still my home.” Francis declared proudly.

“But it's my land. You belong to me, and as such, you belong in London.”

“As a trophy in your case?”

“As British property.”

“No.”

“France-”

“Don't lie to me. I remember your colonies, you only brought them to London when you wanted to show off. I'm just another prize to you, don't humiliate me by saying otherwise.”

Arthur sighed. “Nevertheless, you will be coming with me.”

“It isn't a choice,” the president reminded him.

Francis glared at him again. “Traitor,” he spat.

---

“As out first addition, you could almost be counted as an ally,” Henry said. “So we'd like to extend an offer. Before the surrender becomes public information.”

“A marriage of sorts between our two countries,” Arthur continued. “The Anglo-French Union.” He paced in front of Francis. “That's what we'll call it. What do you think?”

“Va au diable.”

Henry slapped Francis. “You are a guest here,” he hissed a reminder.  “I could have locked you in the prisons. But, out of my gracious benevolence, you have been allowed to live in luxury. And because I have granted you this, you will treat me with respect. You will speak English from now on. Am I understood?”

Francis gritted his teeth. “Yes,” he growled.

Henry sniffed derisively before turning away. He stopped next to Arthur. “I expect he'll be fully under your control by the time of the ceremony.” He left without another word.

Arthur hurried over, reaching for Francis. “Are you all right?”

Francis pushed him away. “You can still go to hell.” He spat at Arthur's feet. “I don't want to see you.” He went to the door, intending to return to his room.

“Francis.” Arthur's voice stopped him. “You know you don't have a choice in this; you should stop fighting. It will hurt less.”

“I don't care how much it hurts, I swore I would never be anyone's prisoner again. No matter how luxurious, this is still my jail cell.”

---

Francis looked around the dinner hall where the other nation representatives were gathered to celebrate. If you could call it that. Everyone was rather subdued, wondering who would be conquered next. For that reason, some neighbors had declined the invitation.

France and England were officially united, making Arthur his husband. Yet he was nowhere to be found. Francis hadn't seen him since the end of the ceremony. “How are you doing?” A soft voice at his side asked.

Francis glanced at Matthew. “Furious. He couldn't even be bothered to attend his own wedding reception.”

“You look like you could use a drink.” Matthew gently took his elbow. “Come on.”

“This isn't how I ever imagined my wedding. It was supposed to be a real celebration. Between two people who loved each other, surrounded by everyone else they love. But look at me now.”

“Then again, maybe you've had enough to drink.” Matthew sighed. “I'm sorry you're not happy.”

“I wish Antonio were here, he could make me smile.”

“Gilbert's here.”

Francis shook his head. “No, Germany’s declared war on England, and therefore France.”

“Yes, but you're Gilbert and Francis.”

“I'd rather have the drink.”

Matthew sighed before leaving to get him a glass of champagne. He brought Alfred back with it. “Look who I found,” he proudly declared.

“Alfred.” Francis stood to greet him. “How have you been?”

“Oh, I'm great. Things are great at home, relations are great with Russia, England's leaving me alone-” he stopped when Matthew kicked him under the table. “Relations are great with Russia.”

Francis chose to ignore the accidental comment. “With Ivan too? Or just Russia?”

Alfred suddenly became very interested in his champagne glass. “Oh, you know…” he trailed off before abruptly changing the topic, “I haven't seen Arthur here.”

“Join the club,” Francis griped. “Went off with King Henry.” He made an undignified sound in the back of his throat.

“Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm afraid your marriage is off to a bad start if your husband is already running away with another man.”

Francis rolled his eyes. “I wish that was the only thing that was wrong.”

“Weeeeell,” Alfred looked around for an excuse to leave. “Oh look, there's Ivan, I'm going to go… talk to him.” He quickly stood up and left.

Francis sighed, pushing his hair away from his face.

Matthew reached over and took his hand sympathetically. “How are you? Really?”

“Honestly? I'm tired.”

“I know it's hard,” Matthew comforted him, gently patting his hand. “I know you don't even like him-”

Francis shook his head. “No, it's worse than that.”

“Worse-”

“I love him.”

Matthew slowly exhaled. “Oh. Does he-”

“No.”

“You could at least let me finish.” Matthew tried to joke.

“The answer would still be no. No, he doesn't know. No, he doesn't love me. This truly feels like a fate worse than death.”

“I think you're being at least a little over dramatic. But I'm sorry about all this.” Matthew rose and kissed Francis’ cheek, “I’m afraid I have to go now, tend to my own diplomatic affairs. I'll see you later, I'm sure.”

Francis squeezed his hand. “Thank you, Matthew.”

---

It wasn't until Francis had visited with all the countries who didn't hate him, all the ones who did hate Arthur, and anyone who didn't hate France and/or England (and some who did) as well as drink a considerable amount of wine, that Arthur finally found him.

“Oh, Arthur! There you are! I'm very mad at you,” Francis giggled. “But I can't remember why. Arthur, why am I mad at you?”

“I haven't the faintest idea. How much have you had?” Arthur took Francis’ half-full glass and set it on a table. “More than enough, at any rate. Come along.”

“Where are we going?” Francis tripped after him.

“You're going to bed.”

“Ohhh, this is my favorite part of getting married.”

Arthur smiled. “I'm sure it is.” He quietly led Francis out of one of the room’s side doors and into an elevator.

“What about everyone else?”

“They're not joining us.”

“I know that.” Francis laughed, “This isn't the middle ages. But what are they going to do?”

“I imagine they'll keep partying until they're more drunk than you are.” He glanced over at Francis. “Or at least as much. Come on.” He pulled Francis into his room.

“This is the same room I've been in,” Francis slurred, sliding his arms around Arthur's neck. “Shouldn't we have some sort of honeymoon suite?”

“No.” Arthur detached Francis’ arms from his neck, then removed Francis’ coat. “Sit down.” He waited for Francis to comply and then took off his shoes. “Get some sleep.” He turned to leave.

“Where are you going?” Francis reached for him.

“Back to my own room. Oh, and Francis?”

“Yes?” Francis sat up hopefully.

“You've been speaking French. I hope it's only because you're drunk. You'll need to be speaking the King’s by morning.” Arthur turned off the light as he left, leaving Francis alone with the darkness and his thoughts.

Francis didn't mind, it just meant he didn't have to hide his tears.

---

Arthur didn't return to his own room yet, deciding instead he should return to his office and finish some paperwork. He hoped to be left alone for the rest of the night. Those plans were ruined by his discovery of Alfred kissing Ivan in front of his door.

Arthur sighed loudly, trying to get their attention, and then clearing his throat when that didn't work.

Alfred quickly pushed Ivan away, “No, I don't want to become one with you!” he exclaimed, “Go away.”

Ivan chuckled and leaned over to whisper something in Alfred's ear before walking back towards the party.

“No one really cares what you and Ivan do,” Arthur brushed past Alfred to unlock his door. “Well, maybe your bosses would. But no one here.”

“Right.” Alfred made to follow Ivan, “Oh! Francis was looking for you earlier!”

“Yes, I took him upstairs.”

“Then shouldn't you be with him? Or did you need a condom?”

Arthur glared at him.

Alfred shrugged, “Just saying.”

“Don't you have a boyfriend to snog?”

“No.” Alfred was silent long enough Arthur almost thought he was alone. “What's he like?”

“Francis? Same as ever, except now I'm stuck with him. You know what he's like.”

“Henry.” Alfred corrected him.

“He's…” Arthur sighed, “He's my boss. He's running me ragged, if it's not war and strategy and conquering, it's the paperwork he doesn't want to do himself.”

“How does he feel about Francis?”

“The Republic of France is the crowning jewel in the Great and Glorious Second British Empire,” Arthur recited. “But he hates Francis.”

“How do you feel about Francis?”

“Alfred, I'm too sober for this conversation.”

“So where were you during the party? Everybody was wondering.”

“Just watching. Away from it all.”

Asked shook his head, “Nuh-uh, that's only an option when you're not directly related to it. Your King’s not stopping at France, you need to be there for these kinds of ceremonies.”

“I know. I will be next time. But… Francis. This one's just too personal.”

“Then how do you think he felt? All alone up there, everybody watching him. Half of them are just waiting for him to fall now that he's part of you. The other half are wondering how you got him to roll over so easily. He didn't choose this this.”

“Neither did I!” Arthur snapped. He sighed, “I'm sorry.”

“S’okay. But you need to take care of him now.”

“Alfred, please go back to the party. Dance with Ivan. Get drunk on my behalf. Just have some fun.”

Alfred nodded, “Good luck with Francis.”

Arthur sighed, leaning against his door, knowing Alfred was right. Wishing he didn't feel so guilty.

---

Francis had been invited to dine with the king numerous times since being brought to England. Although the king still made him uncomfortable, Arthur had always been there with him. So Francis wasn't concerned when, for the first time since the union, he received a summons to join the king for lunch.

“Will Arthur be joining us soon?” Francis asked as he sat down to lunch. This was the first time he arrived before the other man.

Henry looked over at him. “England will not be here today.”

Francis’s stomach dropped. He had never been alone with the king, nor had he been able to shake the feeling that this king Henry was just as crazy as his predecessors. “Was he terribly busy? As a part of this union, I'm sure I could help him.”

“I don't believe that's a good idea.”

Francis nodded, hoping that would be the end of it.

“Because there is always the chance you would betray me,” Henry continued. “Besides, you know you're just here to show what the British empire is capable of. Bringing down the Republic of France in a humiliating defeat. Did you even try?”

Francis chose to drink his tea instead of answering.

“Of course, that was just the beginning. Tell me, how was your wedding night?”

The abrupt change of topic almost made Francis suspect the two questions really were connected.

“Fine.”

“Just fine? Pretend I'm one of your friends, what would you tell me then?”

“There's nothing to tell,” Francis bristled. “He put me to bed and then left.”

There was a long silence while Francis finished his tea before realizing the king was angrily staring at him.

“You mean to tell me the marriage was not consummated?”

“I don't believe that's your business,” Francis snapped.

---

Arthur glanced at the clock, wondering if it would be a good time to visit Francis.  He hasn't been able to see the other man since the night of their union, and felt bad about ignoring him in that way. He wanted to see him, talk about...things.

His thoughts were interrupted by the door to his office being thrown open by the king, who was dragging Francis by the hair. Arthur stood up as Henry threw Francis to the floor. Knowing the king the way he did, it would be a miracle if that was all Francis had been subjected to.

Henry stepped over Francis, who was gasping for air and looked like he was trying not to cry.

“Arthur. A word?” He came around to Arthur's side of the desk. “Now, my understanding is that the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland was united with the Republic of France, making Arthur Kirkland married to Francis Bonnefoy, correct?”

Arthur looked over at Francis, who hadn't moved, and back to Henry, wondering exactly what had happened. “Yes.”

“And, as the sovereign kingdom, you should be in charge. Your husband should be completely obedient to you, correct?”

This time Arthur could tell it wasn't really meant to be a question.

“Correct?” Henry repeated.

Arthur decided to try and placate him by giving him the answer he wanted. “Yes.”

“Then why was he able to refuse to consummate your union?”

Arthur shook his head. “He didn't refuse, that was my choice. He was drunk, he wasn't thinking straight. I wasn't going to have him accusing me of violating him.”

“He belongs to you,” Henry hissed, stepping closer. “He deserves anything that happens to him, as far as I'm concerned.”

Arthur looked past him to where Francis was still huddled on the floor. “Not this.” He walked around to Francis, reaching down to pull him up. Francis tried to push him away, but Arthur ignored him and picked him up anyway.

“Come on,” he whispered, gently leading him away. “Let's get you cleaned up.”

---

The two walked in silence, Arthur never letting go of Francis’ arm, Francis never looking up from his shoes. Rather than returning Francis to his apartment, Arthur brought him to his own.

Arthur gently sat Francis on the edge of his bathtub and pushed the tangle of his long hair away from his face. The other man’s eyes were red and his lip was bleeding. Arthur soaked a washcloth in warm water before using it to wipe Francis’ face.

“Shh, it’s all right,” he soothed. “You're safe now.”

Francis sobbed. “He’s-”

“You don't need to tell me, I know what he's like. I'm sorry.”

“You should have warned me!”

“I know.” Arthur distracted himself with rewetting the washcloth so he wouldn't have to look at Francis. “I thought I could protect you.”

“Protect me?” Francis scoffed. “You leave me for days on end!”

“I...had hoped he would leave you alone.”

“...Sometimes I really hate you.”

“Sometimes I really hate myself too.” He carefully pulled Francis back to his feet, and led him back to the bedroom. “Here, I want you to lie down. I have some business I need to finish, but I'll return in a few hours.”

“Does any of that business have to do with Henry?”

“It always has to do with him.” Arthur sighed, shaking his head. “I need to go. You'll be safe here, I promise.”

“Arthur? Even if your king is-” Francis hesitated. “Just… Don't lose yourself.”

Arthur smiled. “And if I did, would you come find me?”

“Yes.” Francis promised.

“Get some rest,” Arthur sighed. “I'll be back later.”

---

Francis was woken by the sound of something crashing, followed shortly by Arthur swearing. He looked up at Francis. “Sorry, didn't mean to wake you.”

Francis managed to laugh a little.

“I brought some dinner.” Arthur held up the tray.

“Anything good?”

He looked down at the plates. “There's some cake. That I may have spilled tea on.”

Francis laughed again before patting the empty space next to him. “Come sit with me.”

“Are you feeling better?” He handed Francis the tray so it had a smaller chance of being jostled as he climbed into the bed.

“Yes, nurse Arthur.” Francis skipped the sandwiches Arthur brought and went right to the least soggy piece of cake.

The two ate in silence. When he was done, Francis yawned and leaned on Arthur's shoulder.

“Are you still tired?” Arthur patted his hair.

“A little.”

“You can sleep here, I'll sleep on the couch.”

“You don't need to do that-”

“Really, it's fine-”

“We can share the bed.”

Arthur froze. “That's not necessary.”

“I would like for you to stay with me.” Francis insisted.

“All right.” Arthur gave in, “Anything else you want?”

“One thing, but is not something you can get for me. It's something you can do for me.”

“Name it. I'll do my best.”

“Arthur,” he took a deep breath, “I want you to-”

“No.” Arthur cut him off, realizing where the request was going.

“Why not?”

“Why? It won't help anything, not really.”

“I don't care. Arthur,” Francis slid one hand to the back of Arthur's neck, his other pulling his face closer. Arthur could feel his breath on his jaw. “Arthur, make love to me.”

“Francis, think about this. You were assaulted because we haven't had sex. Now you want it?”

Francis pushed Arthur away so he could look him in the eye. “I've wanted it this whole time.”

Arthur tried to formulate a protest, tried to tell Francis he was wrong.

“I missed you on our wedding night,” Francis continued.

“Please don't call it that.” Arthur groaned, rubbing both hands across his face.

“Why not?”

“Because it wasn't! There was nothing consensual about it. I- you were forced into something you don't want.” He looked up at Francis. “You've said it yourself: you're not a guest here, you're a prisoner. Why would you-”

“I want to be married to you,” Francis softly interrupted.

“I never wanted you as my prisoner,” Arthur reassured him, cupping his face in his hand. “I wanted you as my partner.”

Francis looked up as Arthur closed the distance between them, gently kissing him.

“I love you,” Arthur whispered. “Please believe me.”

Francis nodded, holding on to his husband. “J’taime.”

---

Arthur held Francis’ hand, gently kissing his fingers as Francis tried not to fall asleep. “I know we're not in an ideal situation,” he whispered. “But I'm sure we can learn to live with it. Try to make the best of it.”

Francis nodded sleepily. “As long as you're with me.”

Arthur leaned over to kiss him. “I'm never leaving you again.”

[myicelandblog-blog]

Pre-expectations vs Reality

In this section, you can first read about my expectations from Iceland before travelling there followed by the comparison I made after visiting the country.

PRE-EXPECTATIONS

Iceland is a country in the north side of Atlantic Ocean and it is located almost 1000kms away from the west of Norway and visiting this country has always been on my bucket list since I was a little child. The wild and beautiful nature of Iceland has always attracted me even though I am not really a cold weather person. (Maybe it’s because I am from a very warm country, I don’t really know) 

Everyone I know who had visited Iceland before seemed like they really enjoyed the country which always encouraged me to arrange a trip. The official language is Icelandic in the country and it is one of the oldest languages in the world which is still in use. Most of the locals can speak English fluently which is an opportunity for us.

Also, I have always been a big fan of Björk who is an Icelandic singer, songwriter, actress, record producer, and DJ. She released an album called “Homogenic” which was regarded as one of her most experimental albums and with the beats she used on this album, she tried to reflect the landscape of Iceland.

(You can listen to one of the popular songs from this incredible album below)

I have also been following an Instagram account devoted to sharing pictures from Iceland by the successful photographer Gunnar Freyr. The pictures he uploaded have always amazed me so far and helped me generate an idea about the life in Iceland in every month of the year. (You can find his account on www.instagram.com/icelandic_explorer/)

I believe that Iceland is a country where I should leave all of my prejudices before travelling and let myself enjoy whatever I come across during the trip. If we are not lucky enough to experience the northern lights, I will try and not let this make me upset and ruin the whole trip for me. I will try to see it as an opportunity to make a visit to Iceland again in the future. Also my past travel adventures have taught me that that I should not expect to be on time with the schedule all the time during the trip. Even though it is not an ideal situation, as a big group of people travelling around, it is so easy to fall behind the schedule and we should be ready to experience such things in advance.  

WEATHER

As we are planning to arrive in Reykjavík on the 6th of March one of the most important things I should take into consideration is the weather. Iceland is not a warm country at any time of the year, but the temperature is likely to be reasonable throughout the year as the Gulf Stream affects the weather in the region.

From October to April, it is known as the low season where there are less visitors compared to the other months of the year.  During the low season, there is only few hours of daylight and this situation increases the chance of catching and experiencing the famous Northern lights for the visitors.

When I think about Iceland, the first things that come to my mind are the freezing weather and the constant snow! However, according to some online resources, it does not really snow that much in the country, especially in Reykjavik. I find this fact kind of hard to believe. I think it will be freezing! When I have a look at the itinerary of the trip, I feel like I should try and find the warmest clothes and the most comfortable shoes before we go there.

ACCOMMODATION

During our trip, we are going to stay at Brimhótel which is a budget accommodation in Reykjavík. It seems very close to the famous Hallgrímskirkja Church and just a short walk from the main shopping area in the city. According to what I have found online about this accommodation, I should not have high expectations as there are both good and bad reviews from previous visitors. However, I have stayed at budget accommodations before and I believe that as long as I do not expect much from the facility and as long as they provide amenities to meet our basic needs, I will leave Iceland feeling quite content with the accommodation chosen.

PRICES

In Iceland, the money currency is “krona” (ISK) and the visitors can exchange their money at currency exchange offices. Also, ATMs can be found quite easily in the country as most of the locals prefer using credit or debit cards instead of carrying cash. Apart from the natural beauties the country has to offer for visitors, it also has a reputation for being incredibly expensive and this is a big concern for me. According to Guide to Iceland (2017), compared to the other Nordic capitals, hotel prices in Reykjavík is higher up to %32 percent compared to the other Nordic capitals; accommodation and restaurants are more expensive than the average in EU by 44%; and more interestingly, the prices of alcoholic drinks are higher up to 123%. As I am an exchange student from Turkey, even the prices in the UK are always so high for me. I can’t stop asking myself if I will be able to survive spending 4 days in Iceland without having to spend all the money that I have for my whole year in the UK.

REALITY

According to Arcodia & Dickson (2013), the field trips improve what is being taught in classrooms by providing real time experiences that are either different from or support the theoretical background. During the trip, we were able to observe Iceland as a country and analyse and compare our knowledge of the tourism industry in the area as a group of Tourism, Event and Hospitality students.  

Now that we came back to the UK from the dreamy country of Iceland, I am going to compare my expectations before going there with the reality I have faced with.

WEATHER: Before going to Iceland, I was expecting constant snow especially outside Reykjavik. The weather was freezing every single day we were there but not as much as I expected it to be. I was wearing many different layers and carrying hand warmers with me wherever we went to. However, I did not really use them because I did not need to. When we arrived in Reykjavik, it seemed like the weather had settled down and was only really cold but there was no snow. Also, I was quite surprised by the length of the daylight we had which was roughly 11 hours despite of the many sources I read stating there would only be 4-5 hours a day.

In addition, I was quite disappointed when we experienced the Northern Lights. This was because of the fact that my perceptions were shaped by the pictures shared on social media by the people and organisations in Iceland to promote tourism. Marketers use destination image to position destinations regarding competing ones and to differentiate them in the minds of travellers. Destination image is thus used as a promotional tool to gain a competitive advantage over other destinations. (Hosany, Ekinci and Uysal 2006; Morgan, Pritchard and Piggott 2002; cited by Michaelidou et al. 2013) The pictures used on the media were obviously augmented on different photography applications and what we saw in the sky was quite different from the images I saw of the Northern Lights before. In the pictures, the colours looked vibrant in a crazy way. I could see the green colour when I checked my camera’s gallery however my eyes only witnessed a grey curtain waving slowly in the sky.

ACCOMODATION: I really liked the Brim Hotel, our accommodation, where I had to share a room with 3 other people. I was quite nervous before the trip as I have never shared a room with other people before but the room was quite comfortable and my roommates were really friendly towards me. We had a bathroom in our room but also a communal WC and a bathroom outside our room on the same floor. We didn’t have to wait for each other as we could use them, too. There was a kitchen with everything we would have needed such as a microwave, oven, lots of plates, glasses and cutlery. They even provided some dry food for everyone in one of the cupboards. People who stayed at the same hotel seemed like students coming from other countries to explore Iceland as we were. I saw many people in the communal area working on maps, trying to plan their next day in Iceland to make the best of their trip. They were talking to the hotel staff to get advice on what to do and the staff seemed very helpful at all times. I may consider staying at the Brim Hotel again if I ever visit Reykjavik again.

CULTURE/LOCALS: Local people of Reykjavik seemed to have the cool and recognisable Nordic attitude similar to people coming from Sweden and Norway. Everyone I talked to could speak English rather fluently which was a great advantage for me even though the official language of the country is Icelandic. People I encountered seemed quite friendly, some tried to make small conversations asking where I am from, how long I was going to stay in Iceland, what my plans were, etc. when I was buying stuff from the souvenir shops in the city centre. Some even suggested galleries that I could visit.

According to the World Economic Forum (2018), Iceland, even though is an island, is not isolated from progress towards gender equality and has been the top country in gender equality index for the past 9 years. I am originally from Turkey and we are still fighting for women’s rights in so many occasions. When I saw women in every part of life in Iceland, I felt quite happy and wished the same for all the countries in the world.

FOOD: As I knew that Iceland is a very expensive country, I bought lots of dry food before flying there such as noodles, biscuits etc. I had a limited amount of money in my bank account and I decided to spend it on different things such as souvenirs other than food. However, I checked the menus at every single café and restaurant we have visited and I couldn’t stop myself but compared the prices with the UK and Turkey every single time. Fish seemed to be the most popular food in the island and lots of different kinds of fish could be found easily in cafes and restaurants if you have enough funds to afford it. If we look at this situation from a different perspective, people from less developed countries are less likely to visit Iceland due to high prices which may reduce the impacts of over-crowding in the long term.

NATURE/ATTRACTIONS: I was blown away by the natural beauties when I first visited Norway, basically I couldn’t believe my eyes and Iceland reminded me of Norway in so many ways. After visiting a couple of different waterfalls, I found myself saying “Oh, another waterfall? They all look the same to be honest” in a jesting way but in fact I was amazed by all of them. I had the chance to take amazing pictures and this made me very happy as I am interested in photography as an amateur.

REFERENCES:

Arcodia, C., & Dickson, C. (2013). Tourism field studies: Experiencing the carnival of Venice. Journal of Hospitality and Tourism Education, 25(3). 

Hosany, Sameer, Yuksel Ekinci and Muzaffer Uysal (2006). “Destination Image and Destination Personality: An Application of Branding Theories to Tourism Places.” Journal of Business Research, 59: 638-642

Michaelidou, N. , Siamagka, N-T. , Moraes, C. and Micevski, M. (2013) Do marketers use visual representations of destinations that tourists value? Comparing visitors' image of a destination with marketer-controlled images online. Journal of Travel Research, volume 52 (6): 789-804. DOI: 10.1177/0047287513481272

Morgan, Nigel, Annette Pritchard and Rachel Piggott (2002). “New Zealand, 100% Pure-The Creation of a Powerful Niche Destination Brand.” The Journal of Brand Management, 9: 335-354.

World Economic Forum. (2018). This is why Iceland ranks first for gender equality. [online] Available at: https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2017/11/why-iceland-ranks-first-gender-equality/ [Accessed 13 Mar. 2018].

[oreopata]

Ending 2017 - Journal

This has been quite the Christmas, and I don’t necessarily mean a good one. But it’s certainly left me with a lot to think about in terms of how I want my life to change for the new year. So I’m splitting this journal into three sections. Before leaving for London, Christmas in London and my thoughts for the New Year and having returned home. If you’ve been keeping up to date with my tumblr, you’ll probably already have a good idea about what this Christmas was like for me. But I have plenty more to say.   I’ve split the journal into three sections: covering pre-christmas, Christmas in London and my New years plans. Brace yourself, I’m afraid this is going to be a lengthy one. 

1. Pre-Christmas oop North:

I knew that for the actual Christmas, my parents and I would be traveling down London to have Christmas with my paternal grandparents. Until then, I was really enjoying my time at home and really getting into the Christmas spirit - in spite of my financial limitations. I felt cosy as hell at home with my Christmas lights and treating myself to chocolate. Along with the amazing time I spent with my friends and my art class. 

I honestly had a blast getting into the Christmas spirit while I was home. I’d really pushed the boat out this year. Got some new lights in, bought a few new decorations. The new decorations included some more fairy lights, a nutcracker and a lovely wooden star light I’ve got sitting in the window. I’m hoping to buy more fairy lights. Since I’ve noticed a trend amongst people my own age to have them as part of the decor. I can certainly get behind that idea. I felt really cosy as I sat in my living room, now illuminated by the aforementioned lights, along with a couple tea-lights, while watching Wallace and Gromit.

Speaking of nutcrackers: I’ve mentioned this before, but I feel I might as well while I’m here, just this last time. My baby nephew is currently obsessed with a nutcracker holding a drum kit that his parents got him. He’s not even two years old and he’s already being very careful with it and doing things like getting tissues to wipe it’s nose and look after it. None of which his parents have taught him to do. But the clever little fella is full of surprises. Not only that, but as they got some miniature nutcrackers for the tree, they haven’t out them on the tree. He keeps them with him and plays with them. Also, his parents let him keep a festive cup from Costa Coffee which had a nutcracker print on it. So he uses it to drink milk out of when he’s home. A cup I’ve also acquired for myself on my trip back home. 

He refers to T.K Max as “The Nutcracker shop”. You should hear the immense excitement as he says “NUTCRACKEEEERRR!!!” Show him something with a nutcracker on it and his face just lights up! You can bet that when I wrapped-up his presents, I made sure to find the cutest wrapping paper covered in nutcrackers.

All this has lead to me going back to the original story, The Nutcracker & The Mouse King  by E.T.A Hoffman; Which the Tchaikovsky ballet was based on. I bough this most beautiful book and I couldnt help but show him. He was delighted. The second I put it in his hands to show him, he made a hop, skip and a jump straight to my dad (‘Cos he bloody loves his grandad), climbed up on the couch next to him and asked him to read it. Of course, my dad wasn’t going to make any attempt to read a more detailed novella like this one. So he resorted to describing the pictures to him.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1786330636/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1


His obsession soon became my own as I just had to buy one for myself. As creepy as they kind of look, there’s something undeniably charming about them. Now I’m just in love with the things. I bought a silver one holding a staff and a Christmas tree and a smaller blue one with a crown which I’ve really drown fond of. I got him in TK Max. 

Along with this most beautiful wooden Geisha statue with fabric glued on over the carvings for her clothes. She reminds me a lot of something out of Kubo and the Two Strings, which I love.

I also had fun by setting up a Christmas drinking game. Wherein you stick a hat on the corner of the telly and every time someone perfectly lines up with it to look like they’re wearing it, you take a swig.

I made it a point that I would not leave for London and miss the Christmas buffet my art class was putting on. Even if it possibly meant taking a train down on my own after my parents had left. But it didn’t have to come to that. I had a feeling that this would be a massive highlight of my Christmas, and it kind honestly was.

The night before the class, I spent the day with my friend and he was a tremendous help and blessing in driving me out to get some last minute presents for my paternal grandparents and groceries for myself. We were out for hours and it was certainly a blast. Despite how knackered we were, we got straight onto making the festive chocolate cornflake cakes that I was going to bring to the buffet for the next day. Complete with edible glitter and chocolate snowballs on top. Everyone brought a little something to the table. We both decided to open a Christmas present we got each other. And we had the biggest laugh as he got me a set of three stress balls (which came in very handy). Unbeknownst to him, I had also gotten him some “Stress balls” - As in stress balls made to look like testicles. Words can not describe the hysterics we were in!

On to the buffet itself: We started out the lesson as normal, I was doing some christmasy-themed sketches. That particular day I was continuing with the Kadomatsu. We finished early to start with the buffet. They seemed to go down a treat. The ones that weren’t eaten during the party, I went to the disabled riding school down the road from me for them to feast on. Saving one for my neighbour. 

It was a great day! Since I didn’t have a festive jumper, I improvised an outfit with a black, glittery jumper, a red penguin print shirt that I fashioned into a jacket, my late gran’s necklace that look like baubles, reindeer antlers and a red ribbon around my neck. So I could strut in there and be like;

I love going to the class every week. It’s probably the one place I feel like I belong, despite being so out of place at a first glance. It’s such a boost to hear these much more advanced artists say how much they love my work. Telling me how smart and talented I am. How I’ve had a couple instances where I’ve helped my classmates with their art and have even had one of them show interest in commissioning me. I’ve learned to enjoy what I do and get out of my comfort zone. I have a laugh with the people I’m with and I learn from them. It’s helped ease the crippling loneliness I’ve felt since my Gran’s death. 

For the upcoming year, I’m hoping that I can really out-do myself. Especially as we will be focusing on doing pieces based around Mining in the North East and hold and exhibition in March. 

2. Christmas in London:

It was a little tense going down London. If only for the usual headaches of packing and also worrying about financial strains and trying to pay the rent. I won’t go into detail, but let’s just bureaucracy and other people’s cock-ups can be bloody costly. But all I could do was just hope that the presents I’d gotten everyone would be worth it.

I’m always very mixed on my feelings towards London. As a hardcore northerner, I could never live there. It’s difficult for non-English natives to grasp, but the North and the South are pretty much different planets to us. Both in terms of environment and people. Something I should mention about my myself and my family: I am a mixed-race, Northern English girl. My mother is a white Northerner and my father a black Londoner. I have always lived and grown up in the North with my maternal family + my dad. Everyone on my paternal side of the family lives in London or in the Caribbean. My own dad’s mum and dad coming from St. Lucia and Grenada respectively. Throughout my life I’ve always seen my paternal family on a less regular basis to my maternal family. As a family, taking the 5 to 6 hour drive down on special occasions to visit.

On the other hand, backtracking to my mixed feelings, I adore London for how multi-cultural it is and for it’s visual identity and rich history which is still shows in it’s surface details and flowing through it’s veins. It’s hardly a wonder I chose this city to be the main setting for my graphic novel. Being there helps me feel closer to my characters, as I’m walking the streets they would and seeing what they’d see. I remember the last time I was there, I had a walk round the local Sari shops, picking up a few magazines while I was there. I had a similar experience this time.

Another great advantage about being in an area consisting of a lot of south asians is that their shops will be open over the Christmas period. A shop is literally across the street to my nan’s home, run by a man of the south asian persuasion. He’s lived there for a long time. I’d popped in to grab an ice cream for my sore throat and get an alcoholic present for a visiting aunt. He’d recognised my features due to the striking resemblance I bear to my uncle. The one who currently works in the film industry in L.A. He was excited when he looked at me. While in the shop, I spotted this beautiful, ornate candle and bought it for only £2. I found it to be a comforting purchase. Eager to gain some cultural goods.

Which I needed, considering what I’d soon have to put up with from certain relatives.

I think my first warning sign of things to come were when we first arrived in the area of North London where Nan lives. To which my mum shouted with joy that the Christmas tree was in the town square. Something she didn’t think would be there, given the amount of asians there. She then proceeded to stick two fingers up at what looked like a Sikh-run shop shouting “FUCK YOUS!”  Thank god no one saw that. But it was a cringeworthy sight for me. But a mild one compared to what’s to come. Racially insensitive, but perhaps not full-bown racist. That would come later…

Straying a little off topic, one thing that’s always difficult to get used to in my Nan’s house is that it’s so bloody hot! One big different between the North and South is the temperature. I often like to joke about how “You know it’s cold when the Newcastle players have to put on a second string vest.”. My nan seems to insist on having the heating on very high. Made worse once she starts cooking. At least I could be greatful that it was winter - because she does this in summer as well! I spent a lot of time right next to the electric fan this year and had another running in the room I slept in.

Making things more difficult is how I would like to just wear a string top, but then I knew I’d be greeted with comments about my body, hair, fucked-up skin and scars. Or at  the very least stares. I caught some family members staring at me a few times, making me nervous as to what they might comment on later. I’ve certainly had that happen. Like one time I came downstairs for breakfast with a sleeveless top on, got some comments made about my acne scars; forcing me to retreat upstairs to put on a hoodie. Or how I’ve had my mum pull me aside to tell me stuff about what others have been telling her about my appearance or figure or making subtle gestures to me in order to adjust myself or clothing. This has only become more infuriating for me as time goes on. They can complain all they like about how aspects of my appearance make them uncomfortable, but I’m the one who has to live with the emotional and physical pains of bearing them. How many people do you know whose skin becomes dry and flakey immediately after being hydrated?! When I came downstairs to in something to keep my cool, my mum kept trying to persuade me to where a shirt and questioned me as to why. But as I tried to tell her about how I’ve gotten comments from her and others about my skin, she very quickly changed the subject. But that doesn’t surprise me. Friends of mine will know about how when I try to open up to family members and let them know something hurts them, they instantly get angry and turn the situation around. Saying how I’ve made them feel awful for calling them out on things. Well I’m sorry - but maybe I don’t like being referred to as a “whale” in front of my infant nephew!!!

Speaking of which: My visit would come with plenty of comments being made about my size. Including relatives thinking it’s okay to constantly make cracks about my weight and grab a hold of my belly. Then I’ll get a dirty look and they’ll act surprised when I smack their hands away and tell them “No!” I already don’t really like my family members getting too touchy with me, for reasons I won’t get into here. When I showed my nan this vent comic I made, she asked me “Is that you?” To which my mum laughed and responded, “Aye, a much, much SMALLER version, but it’s her.”

Then, on the very last day of my visit, the last words my nan said to me as we were saying goodbye were; “Now next time I see you, I want you to come to me looking more slender.”

FUCKING HELL!!!

Even when the hinges to my door came loose, the first thing that comes out of a relative’s mouth is that I did this because I’m heavy-handed. Which I pointed out I wasn’t. Since I had to keep opening my door slowly due to the fan on the other side!

However, as you may have guessed, sometimes being around family feels like being a fly on the wall to an EDL meeting. My nan claims to be a very good Roman Catholic lady, but she seems to hate every other nationality, religion, homeless people and slags off her own family members behind their backs all the fucking time. I’ve overheard her complaining about someone and hear her say, 


“So I said to her, I know you, I know your race…” At which point I try and black-out of the conversation and drown it out with a drink. You would not believe how often I’ve had to hear her saying “Bloomin’ Asians” this and “So bloody many of them now” that.

I can’t help but appreciate the irony of her complaining about foreigners, when she herself is a foreigner. I think this is one of the cases where a prejudice comes from personal reasons and she bullshits about them being principle ones. Many times I’ve spoken up and pointed out her double-standards or corrected her on her racial insensitive. And when that happens, I’m usually told by my parents to keep quite so as not to cause a fuss. So she can rant and rave on about anyone and everyone, but I’m told to hush the very second I offer a calm and logic to the situation.

Also, my Nan REALLY  hates cats. Me: “At some point I’m hoping to finally get two cats. I’m constantly missing the company of animals and I think it could greatly benefit me mentally…” Nan: “Oh god, well that’s me then! I won’t be able to come within miles of your house.” Me: 

It got to the point where it became an endurance test for my patience. For instance, I genuinlly heard this from a FEMALE member of my family:

“…Women used to take it as a compliment getting touched and chatted-up. You can’t even touch someone’s leg these days without losing your job…”

At which point I retreated upstairs without saying a word to indulge in the secret stash of whiskey and coke I’d brought with me. ‘Cos I knew I was going to need it for occasions like these. I did my best to help escape things by keeping my head in my sketchbook when I was free to. However this didn’t stop me getting comments like these thrown my way:


“Would you rather not put down your sketchbook for once and come up here, sit with us!? Chill!” “Are you getting headaches? It’s from the sketches.” “Cmon, take a break. Come here, now!”

I wish I had the nerve to say. “Honeslty, no. I’m fine with my sketchbook ATM, thank you.”

Along with all the other stresses of Christmas, my mum’s leg is in worse pain and she thinks the nerve endings are beyond buggered, there’s no fixing her leg and amputation might be in order. Not exactly something you want to hear. Merry sodding Christmas to me! Thank fuck for wine!

I still hear about all these quarrels and incidents within my family and it’s painful. If this Christmas has taught me anything, it’s that “family” means… “Blood relatives that bitch about each other behind their backs, con each other, walk away from each other and stab each other in the back; come out with racist, ignorant, close minded shit with a very limited understanding of what’s around them, other people or even me; who constantly impose their expectations of your appearance onto you. Making me more justified to escape into my own mind, hide the spare room with my secret stash of chocolate and cans of whiskey & Coke I came prepared with to numb everything, and count down the minutes until I can go back home to be alone or with my friends.” It does not mean “Like-minded individuals.”

I’ve pondered the idea of spending a Christmas alone. I don’t know how, but i figure that’s just likely to happen someday. And the prospect of that doesn’t alarm me at all. But the worst part is, I still love them. I do. Especially after seeing how much they adored and appreciated their presents. I always carefully choose what presents to get them to make them special. No white elephants when you have Christmas with me. I soon realised I could only elevate the atmosphere with my humour for only so long before things would descend into racism, hypocrisy, bitching and backstabbing again.

The presents I got were really nice. I got a gorgeous mug with my initial from my friend, my gran’s necklace back from my mum, some trainers and as predicted, more make-up from my nan. Which she gets me every year (I’ll admit I’m not overly keen on how cakey it is and how it doesn’t match my skin tone. But I know why I keep getting them). Some skin creams from my brother and his family and some lush fluffy slippers from my mum.

Still, it was a welcome feeling to return home to the North. Especially as the snow started to fall on my first night back. <3 

3. New Years Plans.

As the year draws to the close I’ve realised I want to make some really big changes for 2018.

Ever since my Gran died in 2014, I’ve been more alone than ever before. Alone even amongst my family. I’ve seen the family dynamic break apart with the chaos formed from the grief. I’ve been forced into a position of being the reliable shoulder to cry on, the one to witness mental break downs and the one to fix everyone’s problems without thanks as a parent would. But I haven’t had the same for myself. I’ve had my false happiness be a measure of my families mental stability.

I remember the first Christmas without her; I was down London and this was playing on the telly. Watching this brought back so many fantastic memories we had watching this and how this defined so many christmases for me. Unfortunately, this meant I couldn’t control myself and I ended up sobbing in front of everyone because it just reminded me about how the best years of my life, and my gran, were gone forever. I think that incident is why I don’t let myself get emotional in front of my family anymore and keep a lot of things close to my chest. Even when I’m prodded to try and open-up more. It’s like the time my mum and I watched Anastasia (another film that was VERY special to us) it took all the strength I had to not cry when I was sat next to her. Especially at the scene when Anya is reunited with her grandmother. 
 Now, I feel tired of it all. I can’t keep this up forever. Despite what I know are my duties towards my family, it’s time to move on. For my own life to truly start.

I don’t know whether or not to feel guilty that I’ve began to feel more strongly about focusing on the families in my stories than my own. I felt great to escape further into my own mind. But I’m starting to wonder whether I need to spread my wings even more. I want to become less reliant on my family things - for both of our benefits. There are many changes I want to make for the upcoming year.

I have many plans for my life in the distant future. One of them being that I want to publish my graphic novel and set a consistent series going. But this Christmas has got me thinking more about my immediate future:

I want to see a doctor to get some treatments for my PCOS, I want to have a friend to suppose me through it all. I don’t want to involve my family. I tried hinting towards it, but this ending up bringing up my families wishes to get Gastric balloon surgery. Which I was nearly forced into earlier this year - a very upsetting time for me. 

I want to perhaps change things about my appearance, find a style I can wear with ease and learn about how to apply make-up. And have the support of the friend who will help me through it without imposing what they want on me like a mannequin - as my family tend to. 

I want to make greater progress to finishing the script for my graphic novel and figure out my series deeper lore.

I want to change my lifestyle and get back to an hour on the treadmill each night, as I used to enjoy. I want to have greater health in my life and a professional and successful routine. I want to do these because I want to. Not because I have relatives want me to be this perfect pretty girl they used to have when I was younger or because they don’t want to face the idea of me dying and forcing them to face their own mental grievances instead of imposing them onto me.

I want to know that I’ve created a good business out of doing what I’m talented at doing and finally make myself a working member of society while sitting comfortably on it’s outer edge. To be my own boss and controller of my opportunities. Especially given the boosts I’ve gotten from my classmates and even getting a compliment from Disney animator Aaron Blaise for my Horse study sketches. 

I want to develop more as an artist and a writer, to grow out of my amateurish mistakes.

I want to learn more practice life skills and DIY so that I may shape my home and let myself be prepared for any situation.

I want to be able to meet more people. Perhaps experience the joys of flirtation again and impress an older gentleman. 

I want to be able to have two indoor cats to share my home and introversion with and in return take care of them.

So all those and more are what I plan to do. Tonight will be a fun night of quite recreation, but after that, it’s time to get the ball rolling. I know plenty of my friends seem to be making some great transitions in their life. So I really hope they succeed in what they want.

Also, if I’m to finally stop whinging about my problems. This year hasn’t exactly been great overall. What with the absolute cunt that is Donald Trump somehow convincing his backwards supporters to make him the president and then get into a dick-measuring contest with the equally sociopathic, narcissistic and immature Kim Jong whatshisface and having the threat of nuclear holocaust over our heads. Blue Planet 2 let us know that humanity has fucked the planet and become an inoperable cancer for every other species we share it with. Then of course, the whole Brexit thing here in the UK wasn’t exactly pretty. Plus there was the tidal wave of sex pests in show business and politics that serve to remind me why as a woman.. I'm fucked either way. I’d love to hope things will be better for the world next time around, but then I remember I’m a pessimist. And if things were bad this year… I’m shitting myself. It certainly explains why I’ve been constantly listening to this song on a loop.

Tonight, to celebrate New Year, I’m using what little cash I have in hand to treat myself to a Chinese takeaway. I’ll also stick a mixed prawn platter in the oven. Made myself some chocolate strawberries, a few glasses of either Amontillado along with some Whiskey & Coke and just watch whatever telly will make me happy. I sometimes miss attending the New Years parties I used to. But after this Christmas, spending the New Years Eve alone is much more refreshing.

To my dear friends @strangehyperbole  @rationalnonsense @ecmcookiez @sibera-the-wanderer @buradorei, I fucking love you guys and hope this year treats you well. Thank you so much for being there for me. I appreciate your friendship more than you could imagine.

CHEERS!!!

[ezrisdax-archive]

northern lights

Lost Legacy Spoilers (also here on ao3)

After everything that happens the two decide to take a trip.

~~

The weather was just cold enough at night that Chloe and Nadine had to bring jackets out with them on their excursion but not so bad that Nadine felt she’d catch a cold somehow.

They’d spent the day driving to an unoccupied location, free of the cities lights that clogged up the sky and set camp on a grassy plain.

“Should be soon.” Chloe said from where she sat next to Nadine. She was squinting at her watch, the sky was just darkening around them and making it harder to see.

Nadine looked up at the sky and shook her head, “Nah, we’ve got a while still. Sky needs to be completely dark, it’s why you can only see it between August and April.”

“Someone’s been doing their reading.” Despite the night settling around them Nadine could still make out Chloe’s bemused smirk.

“Didn’t want to waste the trip, ja?” Nadine leaned back so she was resting on her elbows.

“We could always do it again. Iceland is beautiful.” Chloe copied her movements, the tarp they’d set out to keep the tent from getting wet crinkled underneath her.

“True. Maybe that can be our thing, we live long enough to make it out of a treasure hunt and see the Northern Lights.” She was actually excited, she hadn’t been lying when she told Chloe that it was something she’d always wanted to see. Just never had the time with Shoreline but now time seemed a little freer.

“Assuming we make it out alive.” Chloe deadpanned, “But that’s where you come in of course. It is your area of expertise.”

Nadine snorted in her amusement, “Keeping Chloe Frazer alive? It is the hardest job I’ve had.” Chloe shoved her lightly at that and Nadine chuckled, “Now that I should put on my business cards.”

“I thought we already decided on ‘don’t cross Ross’.”

“That was a good one.” Nadine laughed again, “Of course I don’t think I’ll be handing out business cards.”

“Oh no?” Chloe sounded a little smug, like she knew where Nadine was going. She wouldn’t be needing to because Shoreline was gone and she’d gone into business with Chloe after all.

“Ja, I was thinking more a website anyway. Getting with modern times.” Nadine teased.

“No one says ‘getting with modern times’ anymore.” Chloe huffed, rolling slightly to face Nadine. “You know I was fishing for a compliment.”

“I know.” Nadine said.

“I see, you’re not going to give me one now.”

“Hadn’t planned on it.”

She could barely make out Chloe rolling her eyes. “How about I start then?” Chloe said and cleared her throat in an over the top manner. “Nadine Ross-”

“Seriously Frazer, using my full name?”

“Well not your full name, I’m not sure you have a middle name. Now don’t interrupt.” Chloe held up a hand to stop Nadine. “You kept me alive and I am grateful. Especially since it lead to this wonderful partnership we’ve got going on.”

“That’s it?”

“Well of course that’s it. Did you want more?”

“I wasn’t the one fishing for compliments.” Nadine was trying not to smile, not that she was sure Chloe could have seen it in the lantern light they had set up.

“You just were. Don’t deny it.” Chloe shuffled a little closer, “C’mon then, I’d like one in return, quid pro quo.”

“You’re not bad, for a thief.”

“Professional thief.” Chloe corrected.

“Late thief.” Nadine threw back but then turned to face Chloe. “But still, you know your stuff Frazer.”

“I’m never going to get you to call me Chloe am I?”

“You could convince me.” Nadine offered idly, keeping her eyes on Chloe. It wasn’t like she’d been blind to the fact that Chloe had thrown around the occasional flirting name with her, or even made them married on their recent passports to get to Iceland since she claimed they bickered like an old married couple anyway.

Nadine had almost left her at the hotel and gone to the airport alone for that, or threatened to. She had after all wanted to take this trip and more importantly, wanted to take it with Chloe.

“Oh?” Chloe raised her eyebrow, Nadine could tell simply by her tone of voice. “Now this sounds like my kind of persuasion.”

Nadine didn’t get another word in after that, going to retort that Chloe better not be late to this party too because Chloe had leaned in, resting one hand on Nadine’s cheek and kissing her. She took it a step further, rolling over on to Nadine and resting on Nadine’s stomach, legs splayed on either side of her and deepened the kiss.

She hadn’t realized she’d closed her eyes or how long they’d been trading slow kisses for but the next time she opened her eyes she smiled into the kiss and nudged Chloe to get off.

“What?” Chloe asked, sounding disappointed she’d been interrupted.

“Look up, Chloe.” Nadine jerked her head towards the sky, her hands resting on Chloe’s hips to balance her.

In the lantern light she could make out Chloe smiling as she looked up to see what had caught Nadine’s attention. The Northern Lights filled the sky above them, a dizzyingly beautiful array of colours dancing across the black sky.

Chloe fumbled to get off her and reached over to turn the lantern off. “Go to enjoy this properly.” She said but nearly stepped on Nadine’s hand trying to get her way back.

When she did she flopped close enough to Nadine that they were pressed together and quietly watched the lights above them.

Nadine had seen them in pictures before but it was more then she could imagine, she regretted not get the chance to see them sooner but also thought she liked this night just fine. With Chloe warm by her side even through the jacket’s layers and the wonderful phenomenon overhead.

“Is it everything you thought it would be?” Chloe broke the silence after a few minutes.

“Ja.” Nadine said softly, still staring at the sight above her. Her finger brushed by Chloe’s and she left her hand there, smiling to herself.

“You know I did get you to use my first name.”

“You’re ruining the moment Frazer.”

“Fine fine.” Chloe sighed dramatically but her hand stayed where it was next to Nadine’s anyway.

[jjillekkot]

Forehead to Forehead. Hand on Knee. Kiss on or around Eye. Hesitant Touch (the care for you part).

affection meme // @estrifes

It’s like despite her best intentions to understand the situation, nothing is ever enough to appease the other members that she belongs just like everyone else. This is a rag-tag group of people anyway– only Tifa and Barret are the original members of this neo-AVALANCHE, and yet they continue to treat her as an outsider. Didn’t Red come from a lab? Cid from a collapsing rocket? Vincent from a coffin? She might’ve sprung herself into the party, yes, but what makes her so different, to be treated like an outsider at all times?

If anything, it’s why she doesn’t try as much, especially after Aeris’ death, to appease the group. She just says what’s on her mind, unfiltered, the blatant truth regardless of how painful it might be for anyone to hear. No one’s sheltered her, so why she should she accommodate to them? She owes no one in this group anything.

Except for Cloud, perhaps. Because she’s not as self-serving as she seems– she’s looking for a purpose, a reason. Godo’s not really a leader, she’s just her dad. And Wutai’s important, and so are the gods, but they’re so big and far and she’s here, right now.

And so is he, with forehead pressed against hers. And it makes her smile, it makes her shiver, makes her even want to wince. Because it’s too intimate, too close, too kind compared to how she feels with everyone else. But she’ll take it, if it’s the only thing she can get.

prompt: Forehead to Forehead– I’m here / understand.

She’s only called him a billion times, desperate for an answer, a text, a something. She swears she didn’t bring the Midgar Sickness home with her, didn’t even know what it was or that it was A Thing until suddenly people started showing up ill and they realized Yuffie had only come home from the East ever so recently. 

Damn the details, like how she was there for several weeks before symptoms began to arrive, before people in droves all started getting sick at once, even in areas that she hasn’t even visited yet since she’s arrived back in Wutai. There’s no celebration for her for saving home, saving the Planet even: just the interior of a cell, and then later a dungeon, in confinement. They say it’s quarantine, to keep her safe from the others– but if that were truly the case, wouldn’t she be locked in her room? Or even the apartment, where she was as a teen? This is punishment, at its most obvious level, until she can manage to come up with another solution, risk her life another way to save the people who time after time show how ungrateful they can be, how they take such prophecy of their redemption for granted.

She’d think she’d hate it, sometimes, if she didn’t have anywhere else to go. So she fixes it towards her father instead, works on formulating a way out of this.

And by Da Chao, when Cloud finally answers, she could nearly cry– but she holds out, all the way until she finds him in Aeris’ church. And it’s only then, with his hand placed firm on her knee, that she allows herself to fall apart.

prompt: Hand on Knee– I am concerned for you.

Cloud has it, too.

Cloud has the Midgar Sickness– or geostigma, as they’re calling it. And it’s not just in Midgar and Wutai, it’s everywhere. She’s glad Cloud is more well-versed than she is about it. Something about how the Lifestream is angry and the Jenova cells that infected it. It all doesn’t make a lot of sense to her– she still doesn’t get Jenova, all things considered. That’s never fit in her world view, and it’s not like anyone’s sat down and explained the situation to her. That’s why she’s struggling to fit all the pieces together, like why it’s happening all of a sudden and all these other weird things that are supposedly occurring all the while, like the mobilization of the Turks and the activity in the Northern Crater.

She doesn’t have it. And the only solution she can really come up with for now is materia– because it has been, in her experience, both the cause and the solution for many of the issues in her life. It both destroyed her nation and saved it, it’s capable of destroying the world and saving it. So she’s not too far-fetched in her assumption that it, too, could potentially solve this mess. And it’s not like they’ve got any other leads.

But all the materia they’ve got hasn’t been successful in healing people– she knows, she’s tried it back at the medical camps back home. Her only hope is to check out the materia cave not too far from Wutai, because Huge Materia and Raw Mako is definitely more concentrated than any of the stuff she’s got hiding away. But it’s a long shot, and she doesn’t feel confident in this plan. And now that she knows that Cloud’s got it too, she feels even worse.

But here he is, pressing his lips against her eyes. She must be crying again. Yuffie doesn’t even feel the tears run down her cheeks, but she is aware of the warmth of his skin, and how close proximity he must be. It’s easy to let it get to her, how genuine and tender Cloud can be at times. And how, if things were different, maybe she’d see that side of him more often. 

However, there’s work to be done. So when he backs away, she wipes her face clean of tears, offers a small smile. 

She’s gotta go.

prompt: Kiss on or around Eye– I don’t want you to be sad.

How many years has it been now? Since they’ve last had an adventure together? At least two. It’s easy for her to lose track of time. She’s into the full swing of things, taking responsibility for her country and all. And as much as she’d like to leave, to travel the world like she did so freely before– it’s difficult. That sense of obligation to her country has only grown with her time there; and now that the people accept her, and she’s fully adopted her role as crown heir, she feels more drawn than ever to stay home, to only travel as business requires.

And in these days of peace, it doesn’t seem like she’s got much wiggle room for pleasure trips. But the PHS is always at her side, and she tries to keep updated with everyone, via group texts and social media. She can see how big Marlene and Denzel are, or ensure that Vincent’s not spending his whole life brooding. Barret’s work in Corel looks successful, and if she’s lucky maybe she can strike a deal with him in terms of income and energy reserves. And wouldn’t that be nice, to get him and Marlene a real house, a place that actually might feel like home.

And Cloud? Well, he’s one to do things on his own. Not too much unlike herself. It’s a rare day, a special occasion if she doesn’t get his voicemail. Assuming he even has it turned on. And she’s surprised that he ever got that package, the Closed sign for his delivery business. She wonders sometimes, does he use it? Does he roam the world on Fenrir, to try to live that life he’s finally been granted? Does he enjoy the freedom she once had? 

So it’s a real shock to her when she sees Cloud in her city’s streets. She must’ve jumped, because his reach while at first seeming confident lacks such bravado as it makes contact against her shoulder, his touch light. But she grins, because she wouldn’t have imagined the swordsman turned delivery boy arriving here of his own volition. But she’ll take it. She’ll take what she can get.

prompt: Hesitant Touch– I still care for you.

[alittlenomadchristina]

El Gouna Diving – Guide for Scuba Fans

The resort town of El Gouna, 20 kilometers north of Hurghada, was only opened in 1989 (my birth year!), but has managed to become one of the most fascinating places in Egypt - and the scuba diving around El Gouna is breathtaking. 

It’s kind of like a mix between Venice and St. Tropez, there are more yachts than cars here and more water canals than streets.

If you’ve been nervous about coming to Egypt, El Gouna is a great start. It’s meticulously clean, quiet and hassle-free.

Besides 3 marinas, plenty of hotels, golf courses, boutiques, and delicious international cuisine, you can also enjoy an amazing time underwater. 

Since El Gouna is purpose-built and consists of several artificial lagoons, there is no reef along the beaches of the town itself. By boat, you can reach some fantastic dive sites in the Northern Red Sea though.

El Gouna shares many sites to the south with its neighbor Hurghada including the beautiful horseshoe-shaped reef of Sha’ab El Erg with its spectacular coral gardens and Careless Reef.

From banks to first-class medical facilities, night clubs and restaurants to countless fun activities on land - everyone will find everything they need for a great vacation, whether you’re a diver or not. 

That makes it especially easy when you as a diver go on vacation with non-divers, unlike in some other parts of the world. There’s plenty of stunning nature and diverse activities for everyone.

All the dive sites in El Gouna are only accessible by boat, as opposed to Dahab e.g., where you’ll go mostly on shore dives. You can find my scuba diving guides to Sharm El-Sheikh and Dahab here.  

The good thing about diving in El Gouna is that no matter how much experience you have, there is a variety of dive sites suitable for all levels, from beginners to expert divers.

Note, however, that all sites are weather dependent, especially Abu Nuhas. 

Ideally, you have a few days time to make sure you’re able to dive all the best dive sites here even when the weather conditions change some plans.

The dive centers usually pick you up from your hotel around 8 am, depending on how close the dive sites you’re going to explore are to the shore.

The boat trip generally includes lunch after the second dive, and some operators offer snacks like fruit or cake in between dives.

If there are non-divers with you, they can join and just snorkel (at least on most trips, please ask before) and enjoy their time on the sea.

Did you know that so far, more than 400 species of coral have been recorded? And that 20% of the fish population in the Red Sea can not be found anywhere else in the world?

In this guide, I will first give you an overview of the best dive sites in El Gouna. After, you’ll get some more helpful tips regarding the best time to go diving in El Gouna and my recommendation for a safe dive centre.

I have to say, I was really pleasantly surprised by the quality of the diving here. I’d just come back from many days of diving in Sharm El-Sheikh as well as a one-week liveaboard from Hurghada to Marsa Alam, covering all the best dive sites of the Red Sea. 

Therefore, I wasn’t expecting too much, but I’m so happy I went and got to see dolphins and had lots of other stunning underwater encounters. El Gouna is a great place to go scuba diving!

Below, I’ve listed the 5 best dive sites around El Gouna, in no particular order. It always depends on what type of diving you prefer.

I’ve asked plenty of experienced and local divers and these names are the ones that always pop up. 

The 5 Best Dive Sites in El Gouna

Abu Nuhas

About 2 hours cruising time from El Gouna lies the reef of Abu Nuhas. The Arabic name means "the father of bad luck", and stems from the no less than 7 ships that have hit this reef over the years.

It’s located to the north of Shaidwan Island, close to the Suez canal and usually partially submerged which makes it dangerous for shipping.

The two wrecks Carnatic and Ghiannis D. are the most interesting ones for divers:

The Carnatic is a 90-meter (295 foot) steamer that sunk in 1869. It’s known as the "wine ship" because it carried port wine that you can still see today, sealed with corks. The wreck is broken in two pieces and lies between 16 and 24 meters (50 and 80 feet). Since currents can be strong and stirring up the sand causing low visibility, it’s best to dive the Carnatic in the morning.

The Ghiannis D. is a large, modern freighter with its deepest point at 28 meters (90 feet). It’s very interesting to explore the inside of the stern with its command bridge, residential quarters and engine room. Groupers made the central part of this wreck their home and others, like eagle rays, snappers and sharks frequently pass by.

Siyul Kebira Island (Big Siyul)

Marked by a solar-powered lighthouse, this island can be reached from El Gouna in 1.5 hours and from Hurghada in 2 hours.

It’s one of the most beautiful and least crowded dives in this area and especially suitable for beginners.

You’ll find a lagoon off the southern side that is no deeper than 25 meters (80 feet) and has a reflective coral floor.

Thanks to a lot of light, the corals are very healthy and attract a huge variety of fish: angelfish, red anthias, butterflyfish and lots of others find shelter under the magnificent acropora formations.

Turtles, giant pufferfish, lionfish, giant morays and huge schools of glass fish can often be seen here. Frequently, you’ll also spot sharks dwelling on the bottom.

Shaab El Erg (Dolphin House)

The more than 5 kilometer long reef of Shaab El Erg is horseshoe shaped and lies directly east of El Gouna.

It’s become famous because large numbers of bottlenose dolphins use this location as a shelter and most of the time you will meet them. 

Besides Marsa Alam, here is actually your best chance in the Red Sea to see them in the wild. I did see them the day I went, it was amazing!

At Shaab El Erg you can also often spot turtles, crocodile fish, rays, scorpion fish, napoleons and large schools of goat fish. The corals are very colorful, too.

I was pleasantly surprised to find not only dolphins, but also so many cute tiny sea creatures like nudibranchs, and, my new favorites: christmas trees. Those are worms that come in lots of different colors and just look incredibly beautiful.

Dolphin House is just one of about 7 common dives here, but understandably the most popular one. Poseidon Garden is another option, here you’ll find lots of clams of all sorts in the huge table and brain corals.

A big number of pufferfish likes it here, too, as well as schools of butterfly fish and bannerfish.

When it’s manta season, your best chance to see them is at Manta Point. You may also get lucky and spot a reef shark. Moray Eels and turtles are common inhabitants here.

Umm Gamar Island

Umm Gamar is one of the most popular dive sites in the Hurghada archipelago. It translates to “The Mother of the Moon” because this small island is crescent-shaped when you view it from above. 

The sea bed can be up to 100 meters down. Dives are made on a slope that gently drops from 15 meters (50 feet) to 75 meters (250 feet). 

At this dive site you have a good chance to spot free-swimming moray eels during daytime. You may also encounter large tunas, great barracudas and sometimes an eagle ray. 

Umm Gamar is also the kingdom of poisonous fish like scorpionfish, lionfish, turkeyfish and stonefish. 

Always pay attention to your surroundings, try not to brush up against anything and maybe even wear gloves.

Just 5 minutes from here lies Shabrur Umm Gamar which is a great dive site for beginners.

Careless Reef

Careless Reef is the most famous coral reef in the area and the furthest dive site south of El Gouna.

It lies unprotected in the open sea which means that, especially during bad weather conditions, it can be a challenging dive and not necessarily suitable for beginners.

Careless Reef is made up of 2 large pinnacles standing on a plateau that drops off on all sides. While the seabed is no deeper than 15 - 16 meters (50 - 55 feet) between the two coral towers where your boat moors, it suddenly drops 60 meters (230 feet) to the east.

This wall is full of caverns which are the home of lionfish and glassfish. You will see all sorts of marine life at Careless Reef.

Plenty of small coral fish like angelfish and grunts swim between multicolored soft corals, red fire corals, and umbrella acropora.

If you’re lucky, you may even spot a gray shark or whitetip reef shark close to the deep cliff.

What you will definitely see are moray eels swimming fully extended around the reef, the huge creatures are one of the main attractions of the Careless Reef dive site.

Best Season For Diving in El Gouna 

The climate in El Gouna is cool in winter (20°C / 68°F) and hot in summer (40°C / 104°F). Water temperatures reach up to 30°C in summer and go down to 20°C in winter.

Below you’ll find a table with air and water temperatures for every month:

WATER AND AIR TEMPERATURES

MONTH AIR TEMPERATURE IN °C SEA TEMPERATURE IN °C January 21-22 20-22 February 21-22 20-22 March 21-24 21-23 April 25-27 23-24 May 27-31 25 June 32-36 25 July 36-38 25-27 August 38-40 26-27 September 29-33 27 October 29-30 24-26 November 25 23-25 December 22 21-23

Generally, I’d say that May to October is the best time to go diving in El Gouna. There’s usually more marine life in summer, including big animals. 

A 5mm wetsuit with a hood is best from the middle of November to the end of March. For the rest of the year, a 3mm wetsuit is sufficient.

Recommendations for Dive Centres

I usually travel solo and I’ve made a few bad experiences, so I know how important it is to find a trustworthy dive center where you do not have to deal with security concerns and, as a woman, harassment. 

Unfortunately, though it’s not dangerous, sexual harassment is quite common in Egypt and can be really frustrating.

El Gouna is probably the place in Egypt where harassment occurs the least, it’s a bit like a European town and very relaxed.

Nevertheless, finding a good dive center isn’t always easy.

To do my research for this Diving Guide to El Gouna, the team of Emperor Divers sponsored my dives for this trip.

I've heard good things about Emperor Divers before and now that I've been diving with them myself, I can honestly confirm that everything is super organized, professional and safe. 

If you're coming to El Gouna and want to explore the underwater world, you'll be in good hands with them!⠀

[mv_create key="3" type="list" title="Recommended Products for Scuba Diving in the Red Sea" thumbnail="https://alittlenomad.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/1564663220689-1412546143.jpg" layout="circles"]

El Gouna Scuba Diving Guide - Pin for later:

Originally Published Here: El Gouna Diving – Guide for Scuba Fans

[lehighinghana2017-blog]

The First Five Days in Ghana

May 24th & 25th

This is my first international trip, and from the moment we stepped out from the confines of the airport, I could tell that Ghana was going to be unlike anywhere I had ever been. This initial feeling grew stronger after our tour of Accra, during which Professor Essien pointed out many of the landmarks and areas of interest that we passed. He also provided us with various cultural anecdotes, some of the most interesting of which were about the people of the region. For example, he identified some of the children running about in the streets as migrants most likely from Mali or Niger, who had migrated to the Greater Accra region where they were beggars. This kind of story was apparently very prevalent in Accra specifically. Subsequently, there was an abundance of street activity- whether it was street-side vendors selling all types of goods, people carrying foods and drinks on their heads and selling them to the cars driving by, or animals such as goats, chickens, cows, and dogs roaming around. Our tour led us past interesting landmarks such as Independence Square, the Ghanaian Parliament buildings, and the president’s house in Accra, and we eventually ended up at one of the largest marketplaces in Accra, the Arts Center.

My experience here was fairly overwhelming, but overall it was positive. When we got out of the car we were greeted by a man named Samuel who Professor Essien has met before. He offered to make us all custom bracelets, and Caitlin had the idea to get matching “LU in Ghana” bracelets, which a bunch of us jumped on. We then entered a separate enclosed shop area as a group, with Professor Alang, our driver George, and Professor Essien leading the way for us, effectively shielding us from the overeager vendors. Unfortunately, I too quickly made the mistake of shaking some man’s hand, which he used as a means to pull me in to his shop and separate me from everyone. His level of persistence was astonishing, and I think that I was only able to avoid buying something far overpriced to just get away from him because I saw Miles and made my way over to him instead. Miles and I were together for just a brief moment before I found myself outside of the enclosed area and alone again. From the outside, a man approached me with a noticeably different demeanor than the pushy vendors. His name was John, and he wanted to take me back to his shop to show me the drums and carvings he made with his brother. I asked a lot of questions and he was very nice and informative; he was from the northern region of Ghana and had migrated to Accra just over seven years ago to create and sell different art pieces. He was himself really into drumming, and after telling me about the process of making the drums he taught me how to create the different pitches used in traditional northern songs. I was really enthused by the whole process, and I think he could tell, because he offered to play a song with his brother for me.

After the song, I shopped around for small, carved animals, with a main focus on getting a little elephant for my mom. I ended up finding a really nice mahogany elephant and a cool mask to go along with a couple of pretty canvas paintings. John’s brother gave me a pretty fair deal, and I was honestly really grateful to have had a unique, positive market experience. After our marketplace excursion, we went to the African Reagents Hotel for a buffet dinner. I saw that they had “goat light soup”, and after a recommendation from our driver George my curiosity led me to try a bowl. It was really spicy (as I have learned a lot of the food is here), but the goat meat was tender and actually pretty tasty. Oddly enough, it reminded me of my grandma Evey’s beef braciole, mostly because of the texture of the meat but also because of the flavor. We finally traveled back to the hostel and I slept really well that night, excited to travel to Tema the next day.

May 26th 

As we drove through the crowded Tema streets, Professor Essien had a lot to say about the area and how much it had changed since he had grown up and attended primary school there. We made our way to the National Health Service where our trip coordinater Mr. Prosper introduced us to his wife and others who worked for the public health insurance of Ghana. There, we learned how insurance works in Ghana and were free to ask questions regarding health services and how insurance works to cover people’s health costs. Since I am particularly interested in studying HIV, I asked some logistical questions regarding anti-retroviral therapy and how insurance comes into play for a person in need of ART or treatment of opportunistic infections common with HIV. I was looking forward to future meetings to address more of the clinical aspect of HIV care as well as some of the social factors in play throughout the country. 

From the National Health Service, we continued our travels throughout Tema. As we drove along the coast, we passed miles of seemingly ubiquitous shipping containers and stored goods. They were stacked high and obscured our view in most places on both sides, and it was really interesting to listen to Professor Essien speak on the history of the development of Tema as a trading post. This was especially true when he went over how the involvement of western powers in the Ghanaian economy and other effects of globalization had devastated the domestic market, and how over his life he had seen many of the industries that used to be very prevalent in Ghana collapse due to competition with foreign goods. It was nice to stop driving for a moment and visit a small portion of beach that remained, and I couldn’t help but imagine the views Professor Essien and other Ghanaians must remember before Tema’s coast changed into what it is today. 

That night, we went to Chez Afrique in East Legon for dinner, live music and dancing. We all tried kelewele, a fantastic plantain dish, for the first time, and after dinner, Professor Essien led us out on the dance floor, where they were playing some of his favorite Ghanaian music. It was really fun to dance with him and everyone, and I enjoyed discovering that I am a really big fan of Kojo Antwi. It wasn’t until after 10 PM and after George had schooled all of us with his dancing that we headed back to the hostel to collect ourselves before going out to experience the Accra nightlife. George was willing to drive us wherever we needed to go that night, so we visited Osu, a region of Accra with many popular nighttime venues, and I had a great time exploring such a novel social setting with everyone. 

May 27th 

The next day, we met with the student peers at the hostel Gyasi and Dela that Mr. Prosper had set us up with through Ghana Country Services. Emily, Caitlin and I had a lengthy and provoking conversation with them that spanned topics from their opinions and experiences in their young lives with homosexuality in Ghana to their views on the United States and President Trump and even to their own personal lives. Because of my vested interest in the social factors such as stigma that surround HIV, it was truly valuable to hear a Ghanaian speak candidly about such topics. After our conversation, we had worked up an appetite for lunch and were all in the mood to experience more of Ghana, so Gyasi and Dela led us to pick up food at the mall by our hostel that we could enjoy somewhere scenic as a picnic. We picked up a pizza and brought it on an arguably substantial walk to the shoreline inside the confines of the Regional Maritime University, where our peers had graduated last year. They explained the buildings and what their experience in school was like, and it was definitely interesting to juxtapose their college life with my own. 

The visuals by the ocean were some of the best in the early part of my experience in Ghana, so I really appreciated the setting and valued being able to learn about what life is like for those my age in school. 

May 28th 

The rest of Saturday and most of the day Sunday were fairly uneventful for me, aside from going to a lunch out at a restaurant and learning and practicing various phrases in pidgin, a magnetic dialect popularized in Nigeria that has become common and specific to west Africa, especially regions of Ghana and Cameroon. I find that it sounds very cool because it blends English and creole language words and sounds unique, but also because it has been incorporated throughout the culture such that it is the most common means of communication for tradespeople and blue-collar workers. Now that I’m beginning to understand it, I feel more of an intimate connection with the place that I’m visiting. I went to bed early Sunday night, excited to continue to learn about Ghana’s culture, history, and health throughout the busy week we had planned ahead. I dey spy you soon!

Jack Castonguay

[renegadesepiida]

This weekend I snapped back into the realization that, hey, I like to cook. I haven’t been cooking or eating healthy food for a while just cause I’ve been lazy, which is, of course, not good neither for me nor my wallet. So yesterday I went back to the grocery store and only bought food that I need to make into a meal. There, now, I can’t be as lazy anymore.

This train of thought about food makes me reminisce about meals that I have had in other countries, where people can be a bit more adventurous, or where the diets have evolved differently than ours. While some people will find this a bit shocking and maybe even disgusting I would recommend at least trying any of these tasty “meat” treats. *List in order of least to most odd, according to responses from people when I tell them. And I am not taking fish/sushi or shellfish because, one I’d be here all day [a lot of people don’t really like any seafood :( ] and two, because that’s been a staple of the American diet for a while and I only want to count the meat dishes that I thought were strange when I first tried them.

Escargot

Snails – of course, this dish isn’t uncommon here in the states, in fact, Northern California is where I first sampled it around the age of, maybe, 16(?). Escargot is much more common in France when I was visiting Paris for a week in 2014 with my friend Catherine we would always split the appetizer of 6 snails. The only reason that this makes the list is because a lot of people still look at me funny when I say that I’ve had the dish. While the squishier texture may turn some people off (I enjoy it), c’mon, guys it just tastes like garlic butter.

Goose Liver Pâté

This is another common dish for those rich folks, and while I was in France I wanted to try it, just once. I am not personally in favor of stuffing the life out of the geese or duck or any other bird people choose to do this too, and I even now I don’t know if it makes any of it taste better since I’ve still never had a normal goose or duck liver. Or, really, liver of any kind.

Reindeer/Venison

While deer or venison can be pretty normal with people who hunt, it wasn’t something that I grew up with, so when I tried a piece of deer sausage around the age of 12, without releasing what it was, I enjoyed it. After I found out I was a bit sad, but soon after I didn’t really care. Now, though you can get venison at certain burger places, and it’s good don’t get me wrong, but it’s not quite the same. Reindeer on the other side of the world, Norway is where I had it as a delicious lean steak in a traditional restaurant in Bergen. Reindeer tend to be smaller that other deer, and is less gamey, probably because they have been more or less domesticated.

Moose

Yummy Norwegian moose is the only kind of moose I’ve had. It is tougher and a bit gamier than venison, but still good. I got the purest taste, but I enjoyed it most when it was a meat option on the top of a breakfast “sandwich”. Even wanted to bring some home, but customs doesn’t allow any meat to be brought from Norway, even when it’s store bought and still package sealed.

  Emu

If anyone has ever had ostrich I assume it tastes like that, but I couldn’t say because I haven’t had ostrich. I just know that emu is good; it tasted like beef to me but was stringier. In the Australia of 2010, I had it on a pizza (and picked it off for the single flavor) at a restaurant called The Australian Heritage Hotel.

http://www.gourmantic.com/2011/03/01/australian-heritage-hotel-kangaroo-crocodile-the-rocks/

Never did try crocodile.

Pinnkjøtt

            The traditional Christmas dish, sheep ribs, which my uncle and aunt’s dad once got in the newspaper for is one of the best dishes in the world. While sheep or lamb ribs are common in the US, they aren’t prepared this way. After the main meat has been taken off the leftovers are frozen and then unfrozen and cooked in a big pot for the Christmas dinner feast. While each rib does not have an enormous quantity of meat on each, each bite is well worth it. Melt in your mouth delicious. Pair with mashed turnips (and/or potatoes) and sauerkraut (red and/or white pickled cabbage) or whatever else you want.

http://mylittlenorway.com/2009/12/pinnekjott/

    Armadillo and Coatimundi

Most people know armadillos from the southwestern US and Mexico, but they also are so common in Guatemala that they are eaten there, unlike the countries further north. The white-nosed coati is another mammal species from Guatemala. Every day we would see dozens of these animals sniffing around the forest ground searching for bugs to eat. With their tails in the air, they looked like backward brachiosauruses, adorable. One night when we stayed overnight in the city of Flores, on the island in Lake Petén Itza, during the Guatemalan independence celebration. While celebrations were happening all over the island our group of five went out for dinner. The plan was to follow our professor and guide because they told us that they were going to their favorite restaurant, which has exciting food we should try. After some wandering and hoping we found the right place, we walked through a closed door at the opening of an alley and found that we were in the restaurant the professor mentioned, due to the fact that we could see them sitting and drinking at a table. They informed us which of the dishes we should get. And the five of us ended up splitting a few orders of both. I tasted the armadillo first, and while it wasn’t bad, especially with the sauce, there were so many tiny bones, like a fish and it was gamier than I’d like. That was annoying to me, plus the meat didn’t taste good enough to put up with the bone issue. Moving to the coatis’ meat, wow, that meat was good. Light and tender, with a great sauce and no bones. Perfection.

I can’t say where the restaurant was or what it was even called. So for one of the best meals you may ever have, I wish you and myself (when I can get back) all the luck in the world.

http://www.enjoyguatemala.com/guatemala-lakes/

  Hamam Mahshi

When I mention that I ate pigeon in Egypt, people in the US tend to tilt their head and ask me if that was such a good idea. Of course, it was a great idea, the culture, including around food is different, but the ideas are the same. Unlike in the US pigeons in Egypt are not ‘rats with wings’ as we see them here, in many countries just like in Egypt, pigeons are raised like any other free-range farm animal. The one to two-year-old birds are killed for their meat, while the older ones continue mating, just like we raise cattle or poultry in the US. Except better because they are not fed hormones and such and have large cages outside where they can fly around on the roofs of buildings in the city. The main way to enjoy pigeon is to have it in a soup or get the full bird that has been stuffed with rice after the inside had been cleaned out. I say, at any time you could, try this meal. Not only is it nice to eat, but tearing it apart the correct way is also a fun challenge.

http://www.internationalcuisine.com/egypt-squab/

Kangaroo

Another delicious meat, which I first had at the Australian Heritage Hotel in 2010 on a pizza. Seriously, this was the best meat I have EVER had. It didn’t taste like anything I’ve tried before and then I get asked, “Oh, then, does it taste like chicken?” NO! It’s WAY BETTER than chicken. And I miss it a lot… Most people probably stare at me because of my over the top reaction, but I also get some people trying to guilt me, cause “kangaroos are so cute”. No friends, well yes, but no. In Australia, they are hunted regularly by “Roo Shooters” because of serious overpopulation issues with a few, if any, natural predators that are not extinct. So don’t feel too bad, plus the used the entire animal for other materials (for example a leather hat).

https://www.environment.gov.au/biodiversity/wildlife-trade/publications/kangaroo-shooting-code-compliance/kangaroos#poi

http://blogs.reuters.com/photographers-blog/2013/04/03/a-necessary-evil-the-kangaroo-cull/

  Lutefisk

Literally translated, ‘lye fish’ is a fermented fish dish from Scandinavian countries like Norway and Sweden. It is typically made from cod or another plain white fish that is easy to fish up in the North. When I say the name, listeners usually ask, “What is that?” And then when I respond with “fermented fish” I get ewwwws and grosses. It is a very good meal if made properly (like pretty much everything). If the fish isn’t unfrozen properly the meat will turn gelatinous, which is what most people find disgusting. I have found that with food, texture is seriously everything. Even though my aunt and younger cousin both hate lutefisk, even when my aunt’s dad prepares it. My older Norwegian cousin, uncle (mom’s brother), mom, sister, and I all love it but only get to have it up at the hytta (cabin). It is so good, especially with the bacon sauce to put on top (and I don’t even like bacon!) and I eat it with turnips, but potatoes are also an option.

https://whatscookingamerica.net/History/LutefiskHistory.htm

Grasshoppers, Ant larva, and Grubs

While traveling around the various states of Mexico we tasted maybe different kinds of food. The most apprehensive I ever was, was the second year, in central Mexico eating bugs. Yes, when I was a little kid I accidently ate an ant, but these were on purpose, all of them prepared by the cooks in the kitchen especially for us. The grubs were the introduction. Lightly fried and tossed in a bowl. They were the appetizers; both Kat (another girl on the trip) and I were the first to try them. And surprisingly, but unsurprisingly, the grubs seemed to taste good, but actually, they didn’t really taste like much of anything. A little vegetable oil and some salt made each one a savory cloud with a slight crunch. The ant larva was the next dish I tried; in the dish, mixed with a white sauce and probably different vegetables, the tiny balls of larva looked like couscous or quinoa. Because I was not apprehensive about trying this one I took between a quarter and a half of a teaspoon, it was not good. In fact, I wanted to spit it out it was so bad. Don’t let this discourage you, though, when I took the ant larva off the plate alone and ate it, it was much better. So whatever the ant larva was mixed with was what I disliked and not the bugs themselves. The last dish of insects, on a different day, in a different restaurant, in a different state, was little bowls of baby grasshoppers served to us with chips, salsa, and lime. The combination of chips, bug, and lime tasted just like salted lime and vinegar chips. Nothing wrong with that at all, and I definitely ate quite a few before my main dish arrived.

  Hvalbiff

Whale – specifically Minke whale from Norway. A highly controversial topic, which I would direct anyone to read a few articles for more information. I am in no sense of the word, an expert on the subject, but I do know a bit about whaling. And while I can never defend overfishing, like what Japan hunters do illegally with any whale they see, I can see the merits of Norway for greatly reducing the intake over the past several years and only hunting species that are not at risk of being endangered. In fact, these whales are of least concern, and just like their ancestors: Norwegians, Icelanders, etc. all use the entire animal. And let me just say, it also tastes similar to a lean steak, with less fat. My cousin and I bought one box from the grocery store and cooked it up for dinner; one box was more than enough for the both of us.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minke_whale

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/03/160331-norway-minke-whaling-fur-farms/

http://us.whales.org/issues/whaling-in-norway

  Around the world, you’ll find food that you may not have considered ever trying. But I always like to immerse myself in any culture I visit, not only is it respectful, but you’ll get a whole new experience and widen all horizons. Where ever you go the people living there have been there much longer, years, generations, centuries, and they know what they’re doing. I trust that they want to share the best of their lives with me as I would with them.

GO FORTH AND EAT FOOD!

Meet Some New Meat This weekend I snapped back into the realization that, hey, I like to cook. I haven’t been cooking or eating healthy food for a while just cause I’ve been lazy, which is, of course, not good neither for me nor my wallet.

[pcttrailsidereader]

PCT - Back to Back

I have a special affinity for people my age still walking the PCT.  Perhaps that was my initial attraction to Alison 'Catwater' Sterley's journal.  But, more enduring was the quality of her writing, her sense of humor, and the power of 'yo-yoing' the PCT over the past two years. Alison has been hiking in the woods since she could toddle (her words).  She left her home state of California more than four decades ago settling in Alaska with her husband, Dan. "That’s turned out well," she said, "but the restlessness has never abandoned me. We’re still married, the kids are grown, and somehow Dan loves me still and supports my idiosyncrasies." Several years ago, she walked the JMT. After which Alison observed, "I kept telling myself, and others, “I don’t want to want to hike the PCT.”  But I did.  I really did."  And so she did. These are some of her reflections on her PCT experiences of the past two years. Read more from Alison’s PCT adventures on her blog -- www.alisonsterley.com

I’ve just hiked the PCT for the second time and in the opposite direction from last year. The accumulation of more than 5000 miles on the same trail is a jumble of memory--sights, sounds and emotions.  In 2015 the trail was new and unknown except for the John Muir Trail portion which I had hiked several times and coming from Alaska, I was terrified of the region blithely designated “The Desert,” the first 700 miles northbound.  In 2016, heading southbound, those 700 miles felt like going home, although I was struggling with a slightly crippling case of plantar fasciitis foot pain along with end-of-the-trail fatigue and weight loss.

I was asked a lot of questions on the trail and in the trail towns.  People are fascinated by the whole idea of walking for such a long time.  What made you want to hike the PCT?  Why are you hiking it again? Don’t most people hike north?  Why are you going south?  Aren’t you afraid?  When did you start?  When are you to finish? Not to be rude, but how old are you? Where are you from?

I had done some long hikes before tackling the PCT the first time—the JMT and then a solo JMT yoyo the following summer.  I met lots of PCT thru hikers on those adventures and the idea just kind of grabbed me.  As I told people though, “I wish I didn’t want to hike the PCT, but I really, really want to hike the PCT.”  As ready as I was to finish the PCT in 2015, I almost immediately began dreaming of the next long hike.  When my husband said he’d like to hike the PCT through Washington, to revisit the backcountry places of his childhood, the SOBO plan was born—we’d hike together to Oregon, he would return home to Alaska for hunting and fishing and I would continue to Mexico.  The PCT would look different going south.

Finishing the NOBO last year through Washington was miserable and beautiful at the same time.  I was wet, cold and fatigued most of the time.  I stalled out in White  Pass for three nights waiting for the rain to lift because, hiking solo, I just could not make myself shoulder the pack and hike out in the drenching downpour.  Although the big views in the Cascades were sporadic due to clouds and precipitation, the near views were glorious with Fall red, maroon, mustard and acorn squash colors while the fetid odor of decaying vegetation imprinted in my memory. 

This year, I saw the Cascades in a different season with fresh legs.  As we walked, I knew and kind of dreaded some stretches, like the unmaintained miles between the Suiattle and Methow Rivers.  But the weather was better and I had happy hiking partners Dan and Jackie who were wowed by the country.  I got the big views I’d missed, even while tripping and slipping off the trail and picking Devil’s Club thorns out of my hands.  Plus huckleberries-- ripe huckleberries, in September 2015 and in July 2016, how cool is that?

The PCT NOBO 2015 and SOBO 2016 were very different socially too.  There is a large number of NOBOs, thousands apply for the thru hiking permits, but just a few SOBOs, I heard there were about 100 this year.  NOBO I hiked solo but nearly always had company if I wanted.  SOBO in Washington and California, I had hiking companions, Oregon I was on my own.  Beginning in Mt. Shasta, I hiked with a single companion for 1500 miles and we had very little company apart from each other.  Puff Puff and I met on the trail in 2015 but only camped together a few times.  She is English and in her 30’s.  I’m Alaskan and turned 63 on the trail this year. We arranged to start together at Hart’s Pass in July 2016 for a week and planned to reconnect to tackle the High Sierra together in September. 

We learned a lot about each other in the months we spent together.  She doesn’t appreciate beer, coffee, tea, cinnamon, nuts or certain American traditions like restaurants offering soup or salad with your dinner. Her breakfast is a chocolate Instant Breakfast and maybe a Twix bar. She loves broccoli soup and Sprite.   I love beer, drink cinnamon and honey tea on cold nights, and eat anything with nuts and seeds in it.  My day starts with coffee (she was there in 2015 when I got my trail name in the pursuit of my first cup of coffee for the day) and broccoli soup reminds of changing diapers for my three kids. 

We came to resemble each other in subtle ways.  In Mexican restaurants we both got fish tacos (although her pronunciation of the “a“ in tacos is disturbingly weird, like the “a” in quack.), and in burger places we get bacon cheeseburgers with fries. 

We had some challenging conditions, from heat so intense in Northern California she would reel with dizziness if she had to stand still to a hail storm pounding us with marble-sized pellets that ripped my jacket and pushed me close to hypothermia.  We were snowed on along the Tahoe Rim Trail, between Sonora and Tioga Passes and all day heading up and over Donahue Pass in Yosemite.

To be honest, there were a few times when I wished I was on my own, with just myself to decide where and when to camp.  We did camp apart from each other a bit, for various reasons, and I relished the solitude, the quiet and the freedom of wallowing in my own emotions without having to put a positive or polite face on for my partner.  I often felt like my slower pace and less ambitious miles was a problem for Puff Puff.  The schedule I had devised for myself when packing resupply boxes for my family to send me included a day and a night more food for each stretch than Puff Puff’s planned schedule.  It’s really important to decide how many days you are going to hike until the next resupply but how you break it up while hiking that stretch is flexible—you can make up a few short days with a longer day, for me longer days are in the 25+ mile range but I’m not happy or healthy on a regular diet of 25-30 mile days.

Mostly though, and quite intensely on several occasions, I was super happy to have a trail partner, especially one so easy to get along with.  Hiking the PCT south through California in September, October and November, the trail doesn’t have a lot of hikers.  Having somebody to chat with at the end of the day is precious:  “Did you see that gigantic tarantula?”  “I saw my first coyote!”  Puff Puff and I revisited a lot of the established trail angel operations we’d been to on the NOBO.  The lack of crowds heading south was remarkable.  We were the only people overnighting at Hiker Town at the edge of the Mojave.  Hiker Heaven was truly heaven with just Doug, the caretaker, 2 other woman hikers and the wonderful menagerie of resident animals.  We walked into Warner Springs Resource Center and camped alone near flush toilets and a garbage can—blissfully peaceful compared to last year when dozens of blistered and heat battered hikers pitched tents on every available patch of grass.  We missed Casa de Luna because of the time of day we hiked through, but the Andersons were still openly welcoming to SOBO hikers.

Puff Puff and I often wondered what people thought of our partnership.  “Where are you from?” became a joke between us when I observed that her English accent prompted the question but my answer got the biggest reaction.  “Alaska! You’re from Alaska?!”  We don’t look related, and I definitely look my age.  “I don’t mean to be rude, but how old are you?”  I was asked.  On the NOBO  there were plenty of hikers in the 50+ age group.  On the SOBO, I didn’t see any others although they had to be a few days ahead or behind.  I felt like a freak, although a much-admired freak.  “You’re inspirational!  I’m telling my Dad about you, he needs to get out more,” for example.  People almost always guessed that Puff Puff was from Australia, which she didn’t get.  Me neither, does the West get more Australians than Brits? She sounds like the actors on Downton Abbey, not Crocodile Dundee. 

As I got further south, dropping out of the High Sierra into Kennedy Meadows and the terrain and vegetation changed, I remembered what an achievement getting to Kennedy Meadows was for me the previous year.  This year it began a countdown to the Southern Terminus.  I’d forgotten how close civilization is to the PCT in So Cal—roads, lights, wind turbines, campgrounds, dirt bikers and deer hunters.  Just like last year, I was ready to be done with the hike.  I think I was even more exhausted this time, although the terrain is much easier walking and it wasn’t really too hot during the day or too cold at night.  As I discovered last year, the “Desert” is varied and beautiful, southern Californians are friendly and kind, and the trail tread is easy.  The countdown from resupply to resupply town felt relaxed:  Lake Isabella, Tehachapi, Agua Dulce, Wrightwood, Big Bear, Idyllwild, Julian, the Border.  It was a comfortable rhythm of hiking the dwindling daylight hours 6 am – 5 pm and camping for a few nights, then hitting town for real food and a real bed, and repeat.  I was ready to be done, take my husband for his first trip to Disneyland, and return home to Alaska.  Home for a while at least.  As I discovered last year, post trail blues is real and the best fix is to plan the next hike.