#Teach your dogs to cope before they take it out on other animals

[randomtheidiot]

Socialize your small dogs with bigger dogs.

I don’t care if you think it’s unnecessary. Just do it. Teach them how to act around big dogs.

If you’re worried about your little dog getting hurt, keep an eye on your dog and have the big dog owner do the same.

I am saying this as an owner of two Italian greyhounds (little dogs) and someone who has worked with big dogs extensively. My dogs were socialized well as puppies but there’s so many people who have small dogs that don’t know how to act around big dogs (or anything else) because the owners coddled them as puppies. There’s always a stark difference between the little dogs who were exposed to big dogs and the little dogs that weren’t.

Little dogs have the same rules as big dogs. You don’t just lose all those pet owner obligations because your dog can fit in a purse. Teach your dogs to behave as puppies and it’ll be easier for both of us.

I don’t normally beg for reblogs, but I desperately need this message to spread. The only way to prevent the existence of horrible, yappy rat-dogs is to train small dog puppies before they grow into that dog. Only you can prevent bitey little shit gremlins.

[ahopkins1965]

What strategies do you use to maintain your health and well-being?  I pray and meditate on a daily basis just to remove clutter from my mind.  I also read the Holy Bible every single day and write letters to my nephew who is in prison at the present time.  When it comes to my Personal well-being,  I walk around the house and neighborhood just to get some exercise each day.  I wake up early in the morning at exactly 5:00am just to check my blood sugar and then take my daily medications.  I really do need to start drinking water each day of the week.   I need to get a job working at the Grocery Store down the street from my apartment building.   I want to thank Jesus Christ for waking me up every single day of the week.   I need to pay off my student loans and other bills as well as my life insurance policies.   Love is the key to success and happiness.  I have a lot of love in my heart towards everyone and that includes all of my enemies worldwide and my personal allies.   I am trying my best to stay out of trouble,  and from the Law Enforcement.   My mother told me that if I have something bad to say to anyone else, please keep my mouth shut.  I do prefer to be around all animals.  Such as, cats and dogs as well as muskrats. The way to another person's heart is by being honest and truthful to God,  Jesus Christ, and to mankind.   My life at this moment is in turmoil because this is the week that my mother died 7 years ago and my sister died one month before she did.  God is doing for me, more than I am doing for myself.   My family members are depressed and sad just like me. Lord Jesus, please, teach me how to become a mature adult man in the world.   Lord Jesus, please, allow me to read the Holy Bible every single day of the week and writing letters to my nephew just to keep his Spirits Up.  Lord Jesus,  I Love You Very Much.   I really love Your Creation.  Thank you for helping me to cope with my mental illness called Schizoid Affective Disorder and Schizophrenia.  Lord Jesus, please, enable me to help others who are mentally ill as well as myself.   Lord Jesus, please allow me to use Non Violent Tactics just to cope with the consequences and problems of reality.   Lord Jesus,  please,  teach me how to behave like a real Christian Man.   Lord Jesus,  please,  keep me out of trouble with anyone who doesn't love me as a member of the human race.   I rather love than hate people.  I would rather Love You First and Foremost.   I also would rather love my neighbor before myself.  God is Love! I love all of you who are reading my essays on a daily basis.  Thank you for reading my essay.   Thank you for keeping it real with God, Jesus Christ,  and myself.

[sg-marshall]

sims 4 trait legacy challenge

Overview:

This is a ten generation legacy challenge based on some characteristics people can possess. Each generation will be based upon a new trait. The style and gender of the generation is completely up to you (I usually play as women but gender does not matter in this challenge)! Complete all goals before focusing on the next generation. Some may play onto each other, so be sure to look ahead before moving forward! I created an adapted version for people who do not have the packs I used listed below the challenge. I wanted to make sure everyone could play and not feel left out!

Rules:

No cheats or mods!

Start off with $20,000 and a build a house wherever you want one.

Complete all six goals for every generation before moving onto the next one.

Complete the full aspiration and reach level 10 in the set career.

There is no rules when it comes to aging up but I suggest waiting until it is their set birthday.

Play on normal life span.

Packs Used: Base Game, Discovery University, Seasons, City Living, Get to Work, Cats and Dogs, Parenthood, Spa Day, and Knifty Knitting

Generation One: Responsibility

You are a very old fashioned person who believes things have a certain way of being done. Every object in your house has a set place, the person you marry you are supposed to stay with forever, and the world should be a clean place to live in. Never once have you strayed away from your beliefs and you’ve always lived your life by the book. Even once your partner dies and you are left with a child who cannot handle their passing, you stay true to your morals. (EDIT: I have been playing this challenge myself and found that the final level of the aspiration said “have a child master a career”. I do not know if you have to be in the household for that, but if you do, just add this generation to the household of the next one before they master it. It is also okay if you want to ignore/cheat this part.)

Traits: Neat, Good, Green Fiend

Aspiration: Successful Lineage

Career: Education (Administrator Branch)

Goals:

Max charisma skill.

Max research and debate skill.

Be married as a young adult, but have your partner die (do not tell your child how) once they reach adult hood. Never remarry.

Have only one child with your partner.

Complete the snowglobes collection and have them set up in a specific room in your house.

Make your neighborhood green and keep it that way.

Generation Two: Determined

You’ve always struggled to cope with the death of your father/mother ever. Maybe that's because you never really knew why they died in the first place. Left with too many questions to handle, you destroy your relationship with your friends and family and run away to find some answers. This entails a trip to Sixam, where you can finally wrap ahead around the passing of you mom/dad. You decide to come home just in time to see your mom/dad just before they too pass away. After a heart-breaking conversation, you realize that all the secrecy was for the best.

Traits: Gloomy, Ambitious, Loner

Aspiration: Nerd Brain

Career: Astronaut (Interstellar Smuggler Branch)

Goals:

Max rocket science skill.

Max mischief skill.

Build a rocket ship and fly to Sixam.

Run away and live on your own as a teenager. 

Have a horrible relationship with your mom/dad as a young adult, but become best friends with them before they pass away.

Complete the microscope prints collection.

Generation Three: Loving

Your mother/father was extremely distant growing up, which caused you to rely on friends as your family. Your childhood best friend has been with you every step of the way, and you ended up fell in love with them. All you wanted to do was be a mother/father, but found out you could never have children. You adopt a child as a baby and raise them as your own, teaching them everything you wish your parents did for you.

Traits: Romantic, Family - Oriented, Foodie

Aspiration: Soulmate

Career: Babysitter (Teenager), None (Young Adult and older)

Goals:

Max parenting skill.

Max wellness skill.

Marry your childhood best friend.

Adopt a baby after you get married.

Teach your toddler to max all skills.

Have a side passion of knitting.

Generation Four: Intelligence

You grew up incredibly smart with no knowledge of who your real parents were. However, that never mattered to you. Your adoptive parents have made it their life goal to advance your gifts in every way they know how. Late nights of helping you with homework, early mornings of finishing projects, and spending their fortunes to enroll you into the college of your dreams. All you wanted to do was repay them by becoming a world renowned journalist. You dedicate your best-sellers to them because, after all, they’ll always be your biggest fan.

Traits: Genius, Bookworm, Unflirty

Aspiration: Academic

Career: Writer (Journalist Branch)

Goals:

Max logic skill.

Max writing skill. 

Reach level eight in five other skills of your choice.

Go to the University of  Britechester and study Language and Literature (distinguished).

Join the Debate Guild and reach the highest rank.

Write five novels.

Generation Five: Hard - Working

Fashion has been your passion since you were a little girl/boy. You even asked your parents to stop dressing you as a toddler because the clothes they picked were “not stylish enough.” As a self-proclaimed style icon, you knew you had to make your biggest dream come true: to create your own fashion line. So, as soon as you graduated high school, you packed your bags and moved to the big city - San-Myshuno. There you created your social media platform and blew up! A normal life was never your style, and you made sure to put in as many hours as it would take to achieve all you ever wanted.

Traits: Perfectionist, Self - Assured, Materialistic

Aspiration: City Native

Career: Style Influencer (Stylist Branch)

Goals:

Max photography skill.

Max painting skill.

Must live in San-Myshuno.

Complete the crystals collection.

Hire a nanny for your child and do not spend much time with them.

Gain 10,000 followers on Simstagram.

Generation Six: Resilience

After being known as “the child of the most famous fashion designer” all your life, the city became a toxic place for you. You hated the loud noises, constant stream of people, and just wanted to live a quiet life. You loved visiting your grandmother/father’s house and hearing one of her/his famous stories. You decided to pull inspiration from one of their novels and live off by the coast in the adorable Brindleton Bay. Your passion for crafting and living off the land inspired you to start a small business selling your candles and juice - all locally grown of course. 

Traits: Loves Outdoors, Maker, Creative

Aspiration: Master Maker

Career: Freelancer (Simply Crafted)

Goals:

Max fabrication skill.

Reach level eight in both candle making and juice fizzing.

Move to Brindleton Bay as a young adult.

Have four or more kids.

Complete the frog collection.

Never go to an event in the city or visit the city once you are a young adult.

Generation Seven: Carefree

Being in a big family is can be hectic at times. So, you decided to be the happy jokester in the middle just trying to get people to crack a smile. And you got really good at it. As a major people person, you made sure to get to know everyone you meet. You even started a tradition of taking a picture with them so you could never forget that moment. Your friends will always invite you to go out because you are known for being the life of the party. However, the parties you host, are even better. You decide to live life as if it was one big stage, and you’re the star performer.

Traits: Goofball, Clumsy, Outgoing

Aspiration: Party Animal

Career: Entertainer (Comedian Branch)

Goals:

Max comedy skill.

Max singing skill.

Host a party every week.

Take a photo of every person who visits you.

Marry someone you met just two days before.

Attend every festival or event you are asked to attend.

Generation Eight: Kind

Expected to be just like your mother/father, no one ever assumed you would be the quiet kid who preferred reading over partied. However, that is exactly who you were. When it was that time of the week for a new social event, you either left for the library or locked yourself in your room, praying it ended soon. Your parents noticed you struggled talking to people, so they allowed you to adopt a puppy once you became a teenager. You and your dog instantly became best friends and you took them everywhere. Even though you may not be great with people, being compassionate was a skill you ranked high in. You always looked out for the less fortunate and wanted to provide in anyway you could.

Traits: Vegetarian, Loner, Good

Aspiration: Friend of the Animals

Career: Gardner (Floral Designer Branch)

Goals:

Max gardening skill.

Max flower arranging skill.

Keep up a garden of just flowers.

Adopt strays: one dog, and two cats.

Marry an ambitious sim.

Donate $100 to charity weekly.

Generation Nine: Impulsive

You grew up hearing stories of your grandmother/father’s so called “wild days” and fell in love with the energy it brought. However, your mom/dad raised you better than to go out spending life as if there was no consequences. Finding a balance started off to be very challenging for you. You could never hold down relationships and even got pregnant/got someone pregnant twice. It wasn't until you became a secret agent and learned how to live two lifestyles: one full of fun and adventure; the other more stable and structured.

Traits: Active, Non-Committal, Bro

Aspiration: Bodybuilder

Career: Secret Agent (Diamond Agent Branch)

Goals:

Max fitness skill.

Max handiness skill.

Go to either college for Psychology and play soccer.

Have four failed relationships and never get married.

Have two children from two different relationships.

Move three times once you become a young adult.

Generation 10: Passionate

Because your mother/father’s job required you to move around so much, making real life friends was a lot harder than it seemed. So, you built your relationships within the online community. Every day, you and your closest friends would hop online and compete in tournaments or even play for fun. As the years went on, you became really good at coding and even started working on your own apps. You looked up to the players from ESports Gaming - only the best gamers in the world - and longed to be sitting in one of their spots. And sure enough, after years of perfecting your strategies and game plays, your dreams came true!

Traits: Geek, Hot-Headed, Outgoing

Aspiration: Computer Whiz

Career: Tech Guru (ESport Gamer Branch)

Goals:

Max programming skill.

Max video gaming skill.

Complete the MySims Trophies collection.

Attend and compete in every Geek Con convention.

Make five video games or apps.

Mentor your child/ren for five hours each.

Adaptations:

Gen 1:

If you do not have Discover University, go into the Business career (Management Branch).

Max cooking skill if you do not have Discover University.

If you do not have City Living, complete the postcards collection.

Gen 2:

Unlock the secret world in Oasis Springs if you do not have Get to Work.

Gen 3:

If you do not have Parenthood but do have Get to Work, max the baking skill.

If you do not have both Parenthood and Get to Work, max the gourmet cooking skill.

If you do not have Spa Day but do have Knifty Knitting, max the knitting skill.

If you do not have both Spa Day or Knifty Knitting, max the photography skill.

If you do not have Knifty Knitting, have a side passion of photography.

Gen 4:

If you do not have Discover University, read a new skill book every week instead of attending university.

Gen 5:

If you do not have City Living, have the  Fabulously Wealthy aspiration.

If you do not have City Living, live in Oasis Springs.

Gen 6:

Do not have a career if you do not have Eco-Lifestyle. Instead, craft item on the woodworking for money.

If you do not have Eco-Lifestyle, max the fishing skill instead of reaching level eight in candle making and juice fizzing.

If you do not have Cats and Dogs, move to Evergreen Harbor.

If you do not have both Cats and Dogs or Eco-Lifestyle, live in Willow Creek

If you do not have Eco-Lifestyle, have the self-assured trait instead.

If you do not have Eco-Lifestyle, have the Angling Ace aspiration.

Gen 7:

If you do not have City Living but do have Get Together, max the dancing skill.

If you do not have both City Living or Get Together, max the mixology skill.

Gen 8:

If you do not have Dogs and Cats, have the Freelance Botanist aspiration.

Do not have a career if you do not have Seasons. Instead, sell your plants for money.

If you do not have Seasons but have Get to Work, max the baking skill.

If you do not have both Seasons or Get to Work, max the violin skill.

If you do not have Dogs and Cats, but have Seasons, own three bees nests and two insect nests instead of owning pets.

If you do not have both Dogs and Cats or Seasons, have three children instead of having three pets.

If you do not have City Living, have the cheerful trait.

Gen 9:

If you do have Strangerville, go into the Military Career (I do not have it, so I played as a Secret Agent)

If you do have Snowy Escape, have the adventurous trait instead of the active trait (I do not have it but believe they would be adventurous).

If you do not have Discover University, read five skill books over different topics, instead of going to college.

Gen 10:

If you do not have City Living, compete in an online tournament weekly instead of going to Geek Con.

[butwhyduh]

Hair Bows

Roy Harper x batsis!reader

Summary: a date turned into a play date turned into work. Basically Lian taking over Titans tower. And canon has no home here.

“I’m just about to head out the door,” you said over the phone, still doing your hair. Roy wasn’t the most punctual guy and this was your way of coping. If you were also always late, it didn’t bother you as much.

“Wait,” Roy said and you heard a muffled sound like him running his hand down his face. “I can’t go.”

“Why not?”

“My babysitter punked out at the last minute so I can’t leave Lian. I’m sorry,” he said.

“Oh, uhhh, bring her,” you suggested, hopefully sounding casual. You’d met her a few times but nothing big and your date was just a walk in the park. Nothing a kid couldn’t do. And you were hoping to be a little more seriously dating.

“Seriously?... on a date?” He asked.

“Not if you don’t want to. But I just thought we were going to the park and we can let her run around. You know what? Never mind, if you need to stay home it’s cool. I don’t know anything about kids-“

“Hey, it’s a good idea,” he said stopping your ramble. “I just wasn’t expecting it. Most people don’t want someone else’s kid on their date.”

“Most people shouldn’t date people with kids if they can’t be around them,” you answered, finishing up. “Now am I meeting you both at the park or..”

“Now I know why I’m dating you,” Roy said and you could hear the smile through the phone. “I’ll pick you up. Lian’s not a fan of riding in other people’s car so Uber is out.”

“Can’t blame her. See you soon,” you answered.

——————————

You had changed into a slightly less sexy and more family friendly top and sensible shoes by the time Roy picked you up. Can’t chase a kid in heels.

Roy looked nice in a button down and jeans with no holes in them. Not a trucker hat in sight. And of course, Lian was a doll in a spring themed dress and leather bottomed sandals. The first thing she showed you was an impressively high kick.

“And it’s okay because dad makes me wear shorts under it. For taking out punks,” she said knowingly. You nodded.

“For punks. Good idea.”

“In case they get fresh,” Roy said to you as she ran to a slide.

“Fresh? She’s 5. Maybe Lian should teach me that move. I know this guy that’s always trying to get fresh,” you said as he wrapped an arm around your waist from behind and rested his head on your shoulder.

“Hmmm, should I kick his ass,” Roy said playfully.

“I’d pay to see you kick your own ass,” you said with a laugh.

“Ouch, and I thought you liked me,” he said, sounding dramatically wounded. You laughed again.

“The entertainment value tho. Hard to beat.”

“So many ‘hard to beat’ jokes I would make right now,” he whispered in your ear and you pulled out of his arms. You were rolling your eyes but the grin ruined the disapproving air you were trying to have.

“Not that kinda date,” you reminded him and as if on cue, Lian ran over to Roy and grabbed his hand. She started dragging him to a food truck.

“Can we get a funnel cake? Or ice cream? Or a hotdog?” She asked excitedly.

“Hotdog and then ice cream on top of a funnel cake,” he said in a mock serious tone as he bent down beside her. She grinned widely. “We aren’t animals!” She squealed and dragged him to food truck.

You grinned as you watched them. Roy had fucked up a ton but this was not one of those times. Nope, he was a great dad. He looked back at you confused as why you hadn’t joined them and you jogged over to them.

“Sorry, just lost in thought,” you said as they made your food. Roy had a hand casually around your waist as Lian tried to swing on his other arm.

“Bout what?” He asked.

“How good a dad you are,” you admitted. He gave you a shy crooked smile before kissing your forehead.

“You bats are always in your head too damn much. But thanks,” Roy ended softly. He handed Lian a giant hotdog that she promptly started eating before giving you your food and he his. “Let’s find a spot to sit before you drop that giant hotdog.”

As Lian licked sticky sweet ice cream coated funnel cake pieces off of her arm, Roy’s phone went off. He smiled apologetically before getting up to answer it. A few minutes later he came back to the table looking even more apologetic.

“Titans business. I have to go but...” he started, running a hand through his red hair. “I don’t have a babysitter.”

“I could watch her,” you suggested and Lian looked up at him kinda sad. “I could watch her at the tower. You’d be right there but we’d stay out of the way.”

“You sure? That isn’t too much?” He said unsure, looking between you both.

“Yeah, I’ve watched kids before. And I know the tower really well. We’ll watch movies and fall asleep. Do you want a sleep over?”

“Yeah! Go on dad, I’m fine,” she said waving a hand at him. You both laughed. “Dads,” Lian said rolling her eyes playfully. Yep, she’s Roy’s alright. “Do you have popcorn?”

“Yep!”

“Candy?”

“Yep! And I know where my brother Tim keeps the good imported stuff,” you said and she grinned.

“Not too much. Or staying up too late. Or anything scary or too grown up,” Roy said on the way to the tower. “And if anything happens. Anything. Get to the panic room.”

“I know the procedures,” you said putting a hand on his shoulder. “And I can keep her safe. Don’t worry. We’ll have fun.”

“And I can kick punks!” Lian said proudly.

“And she’ll kick punks! I’m hoping she hits Gar first. Did you know he can turn into any animal? He just chooses to be a punk,” You said and she giggled.

“Wow!”

“Alright. No kicking punks unless it’s really important because-“

“My body is a weapon. I know, dad,” she said, rolling her eyes.

Roy repeated the same sort of things up in the living quarters of the tower before giving you both a kiss. “Stay safe,” he said before going downstairs.

Some of the younger Titan recruits didn’t leave on the mission and were hanging out or training. You walked Lian over to the couch and went to find a movie she might like. You dusted off the dvds they had. Probably hadn’t added any new ones in many years with the extensive funding of Batman giving them every streaming service ever.

“How about this movie,” you asked, holding up a sun bleached dvd case. “Space jam?”

Lian looked at it carefully before nodding. You put it in the player and came back. “What about popcorn? Dad says movies are crap without it.”

“Oh,” you said. “Right. I’ll make some.”

“Popcorn?” Came a voice around the corner before the next you saw was a wind of red. “Hey kiddo,” Bart aka impulse said to Lian before shaking her hand. “Let’s pick a movie. There are some pretty good ones I haven’t seen. I’ve seen 12 movies.”

“Only 12,” she frowned skeptically and you took the opportunity to go in the kitchen and make popcorn.

“Hey, did you let Lian have speedster piggy back rides,” Tim aka Robin said ducking his head in the kitchen.

“No,” you said quickly running in the living area quickly. “Okay, enough of that. I don’t think her dad would be cool with this,” you said pulling her off of him. She pouted a little.

“Why does it smell like fire,” Cassie asked from the hall and you hurried back in the kitchen to see a flaming bag turning in the microwave. Before you could do it say anything, Bart opened the microwave and tossed the bag into the sink where the sponge lit on fire. Lian shrieked and you jumped up turn on the water to put them both out.

“That popcorn smells ewwie,” Lian noted. You sighed and pinched your brow. This is fine.

“I’ll make more and you go pick out a movie. And nothing else,” you emphasized.

“Yes, ma’am,” Bart said with a salute. Tim winced.

“Sorry, he’s a lot.”

“One minor kitchen fire is not too bad. Have you heard from the mission?” You asked as you cooked the popcorn.

“Not yet. But no news is usually good news,” he reminded you and you nodded. That’s what Roy always said. You grabbed the bag and went in the living room to see an entire hot pink tackle box filled with every kind of hair tie and bows and baubles. Bart was sitting on the floor and Lian was currently tying a bright yellow bow in his huge mass of red hair.

“She wanted to do his hair so I got my stuff,” Cassie said.

“She’s a natural. She doesn’t rip out half as much hair as Cassie,” Bart said with a grin. You sat on the couch near them and started the movie as the popcorn passed around.

Halfway through the movie, Tim’s phone goes off. He looks at it and frowns. “Alright guys, we got to suit up.” They grumble but get up. Bart does a quick shake that reminds you of a dog and all the bows vibrated out of his hair. Lian laughed and tried to catch them as they fell out.

“Lian, give me just a minute to talk to Tim,” you told her and she nodded before putting a red barrette in Cassie’s hair. You walked in the kitchen with Tim.

“Is everything okay? Dick? Roy?” You asked quietly.

“I’m not sure. We’re just being called in. I’ll try and let you know more,” he said. You nodded and hugged your baby brother.

“Be safe out there.”

“Always.”

Lian was sitting on the couch as the cartoon played and she had moved on to putting bows on the fuzzy blanket on the couch. She yawned as she put bows in your hair and you looked at the time. It was probably close to bed time for her.

“Lian, do you want to lay down while watching your movie?”

She yawned again and nodded. “Yeah, dad will be home late again, hu? Work?” She was pretty used to his hero duty.

“Yeah, but I’m here.”

“Yeah, you’re here,” she said before laying on you. You froze for a second before feeling your heart warmed. She rubbed her popcorn greasy face into your shirt before getting comfortable. After a short while she was asleep and you pulled out your phone to take her photo.

You wanted to send Roy the photo but didn’t dare disturb him. You kept worrying about him and Dick and now even Tim as they fought. Why had they needed the back up? Were they hurt? In too deep? You had a hard time doing anything but worry.

Lian turned in her sleep and all but pinned you to the couch with her little fists gripping your shirt. You pulled the blanket over her. You tried to stay awake but once it hit 2 am and you were trapped on a couch with no lights on, you fell asleep.

Around 4 am, the team wandered in the tower slowly. They hushed one another as they saw you and Lian on the couch. Roy came in and stopped to look. He took out his phone and took a bunch of pictures of you both with a smile before he hobbled to the medical bay to be cleaned and patched up.

“Hey,” he whispered while gently tapping your shoulder a little while later. You woke up blinking in the light. “I’m going to carry her to the car. Are you coming?”

“Oh, yeah,” you whispered back. Roy carefully pulled the little girl off of you and she clung to his shirt in sleep. He grabbed his bag of gear as you got up with a stretch. You waved bye to everyone before leaving.

Halfway down the road, Roy turned to you. “She really seemed comfortable on you.”

“Yeah, she climbed up herself. I was a little surprised. I guess I didn’t mess up tonight,” you said with a little self deprecating laugh.

“Nah, you did great. I had to hear all about it from the kid heroes on the way back. The hair bows was genius,” he said. The car quietly pulled in his driveway.

“That was Cassie. And when Lian saw all of Bart’s hair her eyes went wide like a cat at a ball of yarn,” you laughed.

“Yeah, she’s a fan of long red hair. Ask me how I know,” he said shaking his hair and you laughed. Lian moved in her sleep.

“So she ripped out your hair so Bart’s could survive,” you said quietly.

“Something like that. Can you get the door,” he said before scooping Lian out of her car seat. You held the door as he carried her to her room and laid her in her toddler bed that currently had a Superboy blanket. She had just about any hero you could image in some product or another.

Roy met you in the kitchen. “Thanks, you know. For watching her today. I appreciate that,” he said. You tossed him a water bottle.

“Yeah, she’s awesome. We had fun,” you said, leaning on the counter with your elbows. Roy came up behind you and rubbed your shoulders.

“Not everyone is cool with dating a dad so thanks,” he said. You turned your head to look at him.

“Well, they are missing out. Got my own DILF,” you teased.

“Oh god, I’m a DILF,” Roy said with a hint of horror in his voice. “Speaking of ILF... I know someone I’d like to ILF,” he said kissing your neck and pressing himself against your back. His hands moved under your shirt and up to your chest. “Wanna take it to my room?”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

[remakethestars]

Being Damian Wayne's Twin Sister Would Include:

Headcanons.

❝Exactly. I don't ask my dog to drive, and I don't ask the Justice League to solve my problems.❞

— Damian Wayne, Adventures of the Super Sons #9: Showdown on Hexworld

TRIGGER WARNING: Cursing, (Damian’s) death. Mentions of toxic masculinity and internalized misogyny, nightmares, blood, knives.

Headcanon masterlist.

When people ask you, “So, which one of you is the evil twin?” Damian always glowers, and you always motion to him.

You look disturbingly alike when only your eyes are showing; Damian’s got long lashes. Talia taught you a good tactic for tag-teaming in combat as kids was to pull up your hinged balaclavas and make the enemy think there was only one of you, that they’re seeing double.

Or for one of you to hang back while the other attacks as a distraction before the other knocks them out from behind.

Obviously, this won’t work when the two of you start filling out, but it works when you’re kids. It’s the reason why, even off the field, the two of you usually wear a matching outfits with hoods.

You utilize the same methods when she sends you to live with Bruce.

You don the Robin costume just like he does, much to the rest of the Batfam’s confusion (both because they weren’t expecting it and because they can’t tell you apart either), but sticking with the “red” theme, you go by Redstart.

There’s a rumor on the street that Robin V. is a meta that can teleport.

The two of you are freakishly good at mimicking the other’s voice and mannerisms, which makes it even harder for your family.

Jason tells you two about April Fools Day, and you make the most of it. Of course, Damian’s a pain in the a$$ and decides to go around pretending to be you and getting into trouble. You’re banned from the mall, and you still have no idea why. 

The two of you can communicate with just an impassive expression (Dick says it looks like a prime example of twin telepathy to anyone else), but anyone close to you knows sh¡t’s about to hit the fan when the two of you look at each other and smirk.

If it’s something you can’t communicate nonverbally, you use your cryptophasia. 

Cryptophasia is a language developed by twins when they’re learning to talk. Most of them grow out of it, you and Damian decided to keep developing it so it became more of a conlang. No one else has been taught to speak it, and they never will be. It’s for emergencies only.

Sun Tzu’s The Art of War was your Bible growing up, and the two of you call out verses when you fight together and need the other to understand a tactic (you both inherited Bruce’s eidetic memory, so you’ve got it memorized).

When you get too big to pull off the which-is-which game, you make your own costume and become the true Redstart. 

It’s basically Damian’s Robin uniform (the Super Sons’s version is the only one I’ll accept), but the boots and gloves are black, the biceps have a white stripe, the lining of the cape is white (the lining of the hood is black), the gold accents become white, it has a zipper down the front instead of clasps, and the mask becomes black (including the eyes). The waterline of the eyes is white. Like a painted redstart.

If Damian’s into animals, you’re into plants. The two of you find common ground on the fact that pollution sucks, so when you walk Titus, you take a trash bag and gloves with you to pick up litter as you go.

You did not want to go to Jon’s school. 

Not because you don’t like Jon (because you do), but because you know you could run intellectual circles around every one of those snot-nosed brats. 

School is stupid. Especially because the American education system is subpar; everything about it is.

You hardly pay attention in class. You do all of the homework a week ahead of time incase something comes up. Usually you’re doing next week’s homework in class. You’ve written entire papers on your phone in Google Docs in the middle of class to be printed out later.

If you’ve already done everything, Damian’s usually drawing and you’re daydreaming or you’re working on a case on your phone.

The teachers are always trying to catch you not paying attention, but you little sh¡ts can always answer their questions. 

Damian’s closest with Dick, but you’re closest with Tim. You admire his ability to plan ahead (see the entirety of the Red Robin comics), and you know that he’s better than both your father and your grandfather; you want to be as good as him when you grow up.

It takes a long time to wash the toxic masculinity and internalized misogyny our of your head, to learn that your grandfather’s ideas of “strength” were wrong, that it’s okay to lean on someone besides Damian, that you can be just as strong as your brother and still be feminine, that there are acceptable emotions besides anger.

Actually, your father teaches you that anger is more likely to get you killed. He won’t let you go into the field when he knows your angry.

It’s harder to drill out of you than your instinct to kill.

There’s a Lebanese restaurant called Tarbooshes (Teen Titans Special #1) the two of you go to when you’re feeling homesick. They make ox blood soup the same way your mother did, and it’s the only non-vegetarian thing Damian will eat for that very reason.

It’s nice to have a place to go where they know you by name and know what you want when you tell them “the usual.” It’s nice to have a place where you’re not a Wayne or an Al Ghul, where you’re just [Y/N] and Damian.

You disappear for an hour on your birthday to eat there. Bruce has asked you were you go, but you kept that between the two of you. 

Speaking of birthdays, you’re eleven minutes older than him. He was six pounds and ten ounces (Batman & Robin #0?), and you were a solid seven.

After Damian died, you go to Tarbooshes to feel close to him.

You were doing all right with the no-killing thing until the night Damian died.

Heretic never stood a chance.

He looked so much like Damian it gave you nightmares, though. Nightmares where you killed your twin brother and woke up sobbing.

Damian didn’t give you a speech in his last moments. He just looked over at you and said in your cryptophasia, “I’m sorry.” 

Not “I love you.” Not “Take care of them for me.” You knew that; you’d do that. He didn’t have to tell you, and he didn’t have to ask.

Just “I’m sorry.” Sorry that you were the one that was left behind.

It’s one thing to lose a family member, to lose a friend, or to lose a lover. It’s another to lose half of your soul.

The two of you had always feared you would die apart. It had always been a possibility; you weren’t stupid enough to think, “It’ll never happen to me.” Because it definitely could. 

And it had.

You wanted to run away from everything. Even just for a while. Go to one of your safe houses in London or France or whatever and just — you didn’t know — stare at the wall until you felt better? But you’d made that unspoken promise to Damian — “I’ll take care of them for you; don’t worry.” — to take care of Titus and Catfred and Jerry and Batcow and Goliath, to take care of Alfred and Bruce and Dick and Jason and Cassandra and Tim, to take care of Jon and Colin and Maps.

You avoided the cave. And if you had to go down there for some reason, you refused to look at the Robin suits.

Dick noticed. He asked if you wanted them taken down, even just for a while. You gave him a look like he was nuts and said, “No.”

Jon was a mess. More of a mess than you were, somehow. 

You’d shown up at the Kents’s. Jon was out doing Superboy things with Clark and Conner. Lois was the only one home.

You nearly scared her out of her skin when you materialized behind her and asked, “Is Jon home? It’s important.” 

He had to know first. He deserved to.

For all he put up with from you two, he deserved to be the first to know when one of you was f*cking dead.

Lois, of course, bless her heart, had the mom instincts to know that you were in no way, shape, or form okay even when you were trying so hard to hold yourself together. She asked you what’s wrong, and it’s what made you break. 

Your lip trembled. “He’s gone.”

“Who’s gone?”

“Damian,” your voice broke. “He’s dead.” 

Jon came home to find you in his living room in your Robin uniform, covered in Damian’s and Heretic’s blood, snot running down your lip, sobbing in his mothers arms and knew what happened without having to ask. He did anyway.

When you and Jon both finally passed out, your Uncle Clark flew you back to the Batcave. No one was in any condition — not even Alfred — so he carried you up to your room; took your boots, mask, cape, and gloves off; and tucked you in. Then he went to find Bruce because there was no doubt he was losing it too.

Bruce doesn’t tell you anything about trying to find a way to bring him back without the Lazarus pit because he doesn’t want to get your hopes up. 

You walk into your room one day to find Damian sitting there reading the dissertation (the requirement was three pages, not 120, but your teacher would just have to deal with your coping mechanisms) you had been working on for your World History class and left up on your laptop while on patrol. 

He said with the utmost indifference, “You’ve made some good points, Sister,” and, of course, you pulled out a knife and attacked him because this was — was — was some shapeshifting alien or hologram tech or a cruel joke — your twin was dead, this wasn’t funny, whoever did this was going to pay.

He met you blow-for-blow and flipped away from you before saying, “And here I was expecting a warm welcome,” in your cryptophasia. 

“Brother?” 

“Tt. Obviously.” 

Yeah, a college level thesis. You’re smart. You inherited Bruce’s eidetic memory and were raised by assassins.

You learned seven languages and wrote five doctoral theses by the time your teeth came in, wrote your first letter to a newspaper editor when you were two, could’ve had a geology doctorate when you were seven (Super Sons #1), and it only took you a week to learn the language on Takron-Galtos. You’re smart.

You’re also incredibly skilled. You learned to drive when you were five (Super Sons #1), your mother trained you to go for weeks without eating (Adventures of the Super Sons #6), you can micro-sleep for days and converse with half your brain asleep, can use a muscular contraction to move your liver out of the way of a blade (Nightwing #20), and can place yourself in a deep trance to heal damages caused by a hematoma (also #20).

(My dumba$$ didn’t note what Super Sons/Adventure of the Super Sons comic I was reading when I took notes, so I don’t have all of them noted in the two above bullet points. But that’s where they’re from. If I end up rereading them, I’ll edit this and add the comic numbers.)

The first time on patrol you thought Bruce was gonna die, you called him Baba. 

The next evening, when Dick came to visit the cave, he turned to you and Damian and asked, “So, which one of you called him Dad?” 

“How’d you know?” you asked. 

“He’s smiling the way he did the day I called him Tati.”

“He’s not smiling,” Damian pointed out.

“He is on the inside.”

Can we talk about how royally the Arkham Knights game screwed up Tim Drake? (Though, everything seems to screw up Tim one way or another, I guess.) Why does he look like a quidditch player in the gif above the cut?

Visit my headcanon masterlist.

DISCLAIMER ━━━ I’m a dumb white American, and I don’t know much about Arab or Romani culture other than what I’ve learned online. I hope I got it right?? If I didn’t, please drop a comment or P.M. me or something to let me know!

[kalorphic]

If your asks are open again- what were the RO’s like as kids?

They are indeed lol

For some of them it depends on what period of their childhood

K: K’s parents died when they were only two, so they don’t remember them at all. They were in care for about a year before Darla and Ringo adopted them. K was a gentle, but stoic child who loved their mums and family dog, Jynx, dearly (and was very protective of them). They were a child prodigy, something which was noted early on, prompting their mums to enrol them on an early admission scholarship to a pretty prestigious school. K managed to wrap everyone of importance around their pinky finger very quickly, learning at an early age just how easily manipulated people were. This carried on through their teenage years into adulthood (although they never lost any gentleness or respect towards their mums or animals).

A: when they were younger, they loved causing mischief and making people laugh. They were also pretty reckless, often wandering off to explore or getting themself stuck in trees or, on one notable occasion, on the roof when the window locked behind them. However, when Obinna was born, A’s demeanour completely changed. They vowed, then and there, to protect their little sibling however they could, becoming a dutiful older sibling. A was still mischievous, but they were far less reckless, preferring instead to take their sibling on little adventures around the garden or park to teach them all about the wildlife they came across.

Reese: was a very loving and cheeky child, who was curious about pretty much everything. They were surrounded by people growing up and were very sociable. They were always the life of the party, and would corral their siblings into learning songs and dances together, while their parents played instruments. However, Reese would also get very angry as a child, and break things in small fits of rage. Their parents sent them to anger management, and they learnt a lot of coping methods. Unfortunately, it also had the unfortunate effect of teaching Reese to bury their real feelings in order to protect others and themself, which eventually developed into their flirty, flighty, use-you-and-lose-you kind of persona.

Luisa: bitter and broken, but still defiant.

Cody: when they were younger, their home live was incredibly stuffy and uncomfortable, Cody was treated more like an object to be paraded around than their parents child. Things got even worse when Cody came out as non-binary and pansexual, and they were kicked out of their home. Leaving them a very angry child, but their uncle Graham who took them in, was very patient and loving, and managed to coax Cody back out of their shell. Something Cody is forever grateful for, more than they would ever be able to put into words.

Noah: they were very well behaved as a child, they watched their mom, at one point, nearly work herself to death to provide for them, so Noah always tried to support and take care of Riley in any way they could. They would often sit in the diner his mom worked at until the early hours of the morning, doing homework and reading books the lovely bookstore lady would loan to them. However, this also allowed Noah to see first hand the way society treated Riley for being a young, single mother on minimum wage. It was just the first of many catalysts for the way Noah is now. Things got better when his mother married Connor and he and Manon became apart of their family.

[arcadejohn127-9]

Heyyy, I hope you’re doing ok! I love ur blog and I know we’re strangers who will possibly never meet but Recently, the little things have pushed me over the edge and close to an anxiety attack I presume but I’ve been using knitting and crochet to cope. It sounds weird Ik, but may u do the brothers and Undateables with an MC who does that and MC just ends up making so much stuff in one day that she gives it away to them. I’m so sorry if it’s weird, pls feel free to choose whether to do it or not but this blog has made me a little happier than before, thank you for reading and being here!

I actually use to do knitting, never finished anything and lost interest but it was really calming and fun. Couldn't keep my attention for long as it was very repetitive and got boring quickly but I always just genuinely enjoyed it despite that?

Stress knitting seems like the most wholesome way to handle anxiety and stress, it helps you focus on something else, you're being productive and having fun aswell as being safe! Though do be careful with the needles

And thank you for being here and supporting me, I'm glad I could make you feel even a little bit happier, a small amount of happiness is better than none! So thank you for making my night with how kind you are! Your habit and anxiety relief isn't weird at all, I don't see how it could be weird tbh

Sorry this took so long, I feel stupid now but I got really stumped on some of them on what to make but now I'm laughing at myself due to how obvious they were

Lucifer:

You made him mug holders and now it's all he uses

"It's very useful, I'll take extra care of it - no need to worry."

He can handle the heat but he must use what you've made

You even made a massive sweater and socks for Cerberus

How you got his dogs measurements is beyond him but it was the most prominent things he uses from your biggest pile

But he was no fool, he knew you

He knew your habits and how you've grown more anxious

He isn't always the most available person with his emotions and with his schedule

But he was always willing to listen to your issues

Mammon:

You made him a money pouch - how could he not be happy??!!

He loves jingling it to hear all his latest 'finds'

What was even better you made him a sweater he got to wear for his modeling job and show off to Everyone

That article was an interesting find

"CHECK IT! everyone loved your sweater! I say we can make a bussiness with this."

But when you come handing him a large bag full of your latest projects he can't help but raise a brow

He's greedy, he loves being showered in gifts

But he knew you, he took note on your emotional

He got pouty but he hugged your shoulders

Reminding you that you can always come to him and he'll make you feel better

Levithan:

You made him knitted wrist support, for his long gaming sessions

He wears them pretty much everyday at this point

Not only are they comfortable and helpful

But you made them! Specifically for him! For him to use! YOU MADE IT!

Has bragged to his gaming friends about it one too many times

"My player 2 is obviously better than yours, does yours knit cute things for you? I thought so."

Also you made him a crotchet plush of his favourite animal crossing chatacter, he prefers the Devildom version of the game but he's a sucker for bright cute things

Anything he could he'd either put in on his desk or on his figure cupboards

But when you come in with a massive pile, strained smile he felt himself panic

You both have anxiety, you were comrades in it! So of course he knew how knitting was part of your coping mechanism

He felt annoyed and worried on why you weren't coming to him but quickly calmed himself down, when he saw he patted your head

Explaining you can always come to him because you're in this together

He definitely stole a line or two from his latest favourite media

Satan:

Crotchet chair cat paw socks was his favourite out of the pile

"They're little paws..... I need these for all my furniture!"

His second favourite is the baggy sweater you knitted for him

He's going to cherish these gifts until he dies

Which could be never

Though even in death he'd be keeping what you've made him

Worried about the massive increase as he knows it's coping for your anxiety

He's read books about anxiety so he has a fair amount of knowledge on it

Insists you can always come to him when you're worried

Asmodeus:

He adored everything you made!

The sweater had little holes in them? He doesn't care and even smirks at the holes

"wanting to expose my beautiful skin~? I don't blame you."

Made a scarf? He'll wear that instead of his usual black one

Just knitted squares or unwearable things? Proudly shows off your work

Is concerned you've been so ridden with anxiety

He wants to help as much as he can, he has teas and bath scents for these kind of things

Just say the word and he'll bring all of it out

Beezlebub:

A crotchet layered burger he can take apart because it's velcro-ed together??!

It's like a real burger!

He tries not to bite or chew on it but it has happened before

Would feel awful if he accidentally ripped it

"I love it, are you going to make more?"

Didn't expect for you to actually make more

As time went on he learned that it helps you calm down from anxiety

So he especially didn't expect you to come in with a massive bag full of your latest creation's

He immediately got worried

You wanted to show them off to distract your mind but he just grabbed your head

Gently moving it so you looked at him

He told you he wants to help and he'll be there for you, no matter what and no matter when

Belphegor:

You made him w blanket - you know how young children are normally seen with baby blankets? Just always carrying them around

Yeah that's him

"You can't make me take it off Lucifer-! This is MY gift from (Y/N) and I'm going to make sure everyone sees it!"

Always showing off the blanket you made him by carrying it around or having it wrapped around him

He loves it! He also loves the pillow covers you made! It helps spice up his pillow collection

But you can't hide your anxiety from him, he goes out of his way to give people it

And soon he found out how kitting was a coping mechanism

He felt a little special you were making him things because it calmed you down but also worried about your mental health

The concern RISED when you were in the attic, placing and organising the big pile you had

He hugged you and flopped onto the bed

Telling you that he'll look after you and you can tell him what's wrong, stress naps are always welcomed with him

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

Didn't expect to find such a huge pile of new stuff in his room

He saw mug holders and mits

Horn warmers

And his favourite- a shawl with tassels, he immediately wrapped it around him and refused to take it off

He's going to wear this everywhere no matter his outfit

"Barbatos can be strict but I'll wear this no matter what, if I even see a spec of dirty on it I'll make sure to get it cleaned with delicate care."

But then it hit him, you become more active with your hobby when you become anxious

He immediately got to you, asking you if you're okay

He's ready to charge your whole class schedule if he has to

Barbatos:

You crocheted desserts and he never felt so much warmth and love in his heart

Almost collapsed from sweetness when he found a knitted pair of gloves in the big pile of your creation's

Appreciates the gifts alot

"these are marvelous, I look forward to see what else you make."

Brings you calming teas as a thank you, understanding your anxiety must be high

Offers a shoulder to cry on and happy to take time out of his schedule to listen to your worries

He asks you to teach him so he can make things like you

He wants to repay you for all the things you've given him

Solomon:

Has a whole room dedicated to everything you've ever made and given him

Whenever he has guests he likes to take them to check out your creations

"Come and admire my collection, My apprentice made these, aren't they neat?"

The potion sacks you've made are extremely useful

Aswell as the coldrain mat

Can sense your anxious energy in the newest creation's and gets concerned

He'll invite you over to talk about what's wrong

Let's you to take your time incase you're comfortable to talk

Simeon:

His favourite amongst the massive pile was a cute crotchet octopus

It was nicely stuffed and felt so nice to rest his head on

Others that peaked his fancy were the long wrist warmers you made, the way you made it made it look like lace

Aswell as a shawl and the very well made bag to store his books in

"You're so thoughtful, I'll treasure them all."

But he noticed just how worked up you've been and knew your anxious habits

Sat you down for tea to ask what how you're feeling and if could help

Also offers to be a guardian angel and make sure you don't get so anxious

If he can he'll wear an entire outfit made out of your knitting

Luke:

Is in awe how much you gave him

Almost died with Happiest when you knitted him a new hat

The crotchet wings you made just made him bounce with joy

He loves everything!!!

"I'm going to wear everything you've made and carry the little crochet puppy with me everywhere! I promise I'll take good care of him!"

Though will always check in on you

Once he's learned you do it more or only when you're really anxious he'll want to do everything he can to help

Has looked up guides on how to help people with their anxiety and panic attacks

He's going to be your guardian angel!

[shtern-and-art]

I have more questions because it's no longer 4am lmao.

Does Skeppy fear any animals? I just wanna know if there's any sweet moments of Skeppy clinging to Bad whilst he tries to calm him down.

I'm guessing Bad still hates things like littering and woodcutters but would he ever act particularly strongly about it or would he have more control?

I like how Rat seems to tolerate Skeppy because Bad likes him but would she ever get jealous if Skeppy started pettting another dog?

I have a horrifying image of Bad just spider climbing up a tree to fetch Skeppy. I don't know why but I feel like dude wouldn't even need branches lmao.

What other supernatural creatures/people do they come across? Were there any that were especially dangerous and did they befriend any?

Is Bad much physically stronger than Skeppy? I keep thinking of Skeppy being a little shaz and Bad just one-arm picking him up and slinging him over his shoulder XD.

Does Bad ever get nightmares of the day he became the forest spirit?

How far would Skeppy take stealing? Would he steal something he knows the owner has genuine attachment to? Would he do everything in his power to steal something for Bad even if it means getting hurt?

Who's more likely to protect the other?

Skeppy just minding his business looking at one of Bad's textbooks, turns his head and Bad's just having a tea party with a freaking bear. Surprised the man hasn't had a heart attack yet XD.

What's your favourite thing to imagine them doing?

Is Bsd an adrenaline junky? Or is he scared of more dangerous things like bungee jumping and mountain climbing.

What would their reactions be to rollercoasters?

Do they have a favourite date-night activity?

Everytime I think of this au it brightens my mood!! Thank you for making something so heartwarming!! <3

Glad to see you again :D And yaay, questions!

My pen pressure broke again, I can't finish any sketches for this ask rn, but here's a couple of old messy designs.

1) Comforting and nightmares

Skeppy has a normal, I’d even say adequate level of fear towards wild animals, whilst Bad has it in negative numbers. And, yes, this fun juxtaposition leads to a lot of unfortunate moments of Skeppy nearly dying from heart attack when some of Bad’s animal friends show up unexpectedly, or Bad goes all out for his tea-parties with wild bears or smth.

So, yes, sometimes the comforting hugs are necessary! And no, none of them ever play up the dramaticness of the situation just to drag out the nice comforting moment They do n o t. That’d be very silly and unnecessary, and will deserve a lot of teasing. So, it’s all serious. Not only for the first couple minutes. Yes.

But If you’re looking for comfort-after-actual-hurt – Bad does have to hold and comfort Skeppy, when the stress of trying to not fuck up the good stuff around him gets too strong. And after the nightmares where they are hated and chased by people. Those dreams do not come often, but when they do, Bad is there to hold Skeppy, whisper in his hair that he is alright, that they’re both alright, and that they can handle everything that’s going on right now.

And Bad himself, well. After leaving the town, his nightmares about the night of the ritual stopped almost completely. They come rarely, only when the anxiety gets really bad. Before, in the forest, Bad had them pretty often. It’s one of the reasons he mostly slept not as himself, but in the minds of the animals.

2) Littering

Bad will not maim someone for not getting a candy wrapper in a trashcan, especially if there are people around. But if someone leaves a big mess in the nature, or even (*gasp*) does it regularly, Bad can and will try and teach them a lesson. As in: pull a cautionary (and probably slightly terrifying) prank on the misbehaving person.

It doesn’t always work out as Bad intended, and may even scare some people off anything relating to nature for good, but, according to Bad, it’s still “a fun and useful little hobby to have :3”.

3) Rat

Rat takes a looong time to warm up to any other animals that infringe on her territory. And Skeppy might be a little shit (and his own rights for Bad are debatable) but he is Rat’s territory still (by approximation from Bad). So, she can gatekeep Skeppy a little bit. Not as much as she does Bad, but the man gotta know his place – Rat comes before other dogs for him too.

4) Tree climbing and strength

Oh, Bad can an will climb down a tree like a full-on creepy creature he is: head down, using only his claws, with Skeppy tucked under one arm. Maybe not even upside down, if Skeppy is lucky, and wasn’t too annoying about wanting to stay up on the tree for the night :D

5) Meeting other spn creatures

Oh, that’s a big question (: Yes, they do meet other cryptids, befriend some, and get in trouble with some, and deal with a handful of new and old spn troubles :D

I always thought that Bad and Skeppy’s life after the main story can make a series of short stories (or one big episodic one) dealing with exactly that: the guys traveling around, meeting other cryptids, learning more about themselves and the world, trying to build a life between human and supernatural crisis going on. Just like In The Dark it can based on the mix between the real life and the minecraft-verse events.

I wanted to focus more on finishing the main story first, though, so these stories are not as sought through, I didn’t even write down any of them yet :D

But if you have more concrete questions, ideas, or suggestions (about a specific person, or a specific thing happening) – write me, I’ll think about it, and how it can work with the theme and worldbuilding I have in mind.

6) Stealing + Protectiveness

Skeppy can sometimes forget about, ahem, moral principles, or human decency… emphasis oh “human”. He’s nature and different worldview it gives, it seeps through in his life and actions even more with age. Especially after he’s been away from actual people for a long while. So, I guess, he might at times steal something that is very important to someone, or do something that could be considered weird or rude in general.

And if Bad really needs something, or is in danger – all rules are down. If there is no one to reality check Skeppy, he might proceed to walk on heads, and commit risky and reckless crimes just to help or save Bad.

They both are quite bad with that, the protecting each other thing. Bad, tho, can be more fiscally violent in his protectiveness.

7) Adrenaline and rollercoasters

Well, it’s not that Bad likes adrenaline specifically, he’s just very curious, likes to try new things, and is almost unkillable. So he can just- just go for everything that’s interesting for him with reckless abandon, and if it goes wrong – welp. Bones can heal limbs can regrow, and the cool abandoned caves will not explore themselves. He’ll have to learn to ease up with lack of selfcare though. Because Bad can’t always leave Skeppy to fend for himself, while he heals, and Skeppy does NOT like seeing Bad getting hurt so much, and not caring about himself at all.

This probably comes back to Bad dealing with his spn nature and learning to make peace between it and himself. And to his anxiety, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

And hey, it’s the same for Skeppy and his lack of adequate moral compass at times :D

There will be a lot of tension and growing they’d have to do in regards to all this.

Also Skeppy is the one who’s really into chasing the thrills :D Man spent nearly half a year annoying probably-murderous-forest-spirit just for little not-boring fun, jeez :DD

Rollercoasters are a no go, tho. They go up in the air, real high, and, once again, Skeppy and highs do not mix, they do not mingle, they will not have tea parties (with or without bears). Unless, of course, Skeppy really needs to prove something. Then he’ll go on a ride, and die an honorable death, and will never admit he screamed all the way through it.

8) Dates

(*insert an innuendo from Skeppy here*) But, ahm, actually I’d say they love going on picnics: getting food, and hanging around in the nature for a while.

And I honestly donno what I like to think about the most… I just really enjoy the vibe and the atmosphere of the whole story, and how Bad and Skeppy interact in general.

It all is a real delight to write about :D

---

In The Dark - masterpost

[frosteee]

The Existential Terror of Asura [Soul Eater]

It's been a long time since I've thought about Soul Eater, but I've been thinking about it a lot recently and I wanted to talk about it. I've been thinking maybe a bit too much, which is relevant.

Asura resonated (sorry) with me years ago when I first got into the series, and he does even more now, for what he says about fear and its effects, and how the wrong response to individuals suffering from that fear can cause a spiral into even worse depths.

[LONG ASS POST UNDER CUT]

Lord Death created the first Kishin, Asura. Literally and figuratively. There's no two ways about it. Excalibur tells him as much in his final moments, telling him how wrong it was to create a being out of his own fears. Lord Death acknowledges that Asura, his own son, was created as an experiment, a means to the end of becoming a perfect god of Absolute Order. The quote from Voltaire's short story 'Memnon' comes to mind here: 'One day, Memnon conceived the insane idea of becoming perfectly wise.'

This foolish, if well-intentioned, effort was successful in Lord Death's case, but the consequences for those around him were horrendous. Early in the manga, Lord Death is unable to admit it out loud. Even the way he recounts Asura's fall into madness and betrayal, and how he dealt with that consequence, speaks to Lord Death's detachment, his lack of compassion and understanding at that time. He removes his relation to Asura entirely, removing the truth of the matter and placing himself on the moral high ground in the process.

When he is recounting Asura's downfall, Lord Death remarks that he did not know what lay in Asura's heart, pondering if it was fear. He does not seem to realise or take responsibility for the fact that Asura is literally his anxiety incarnate. He understood on some level that no being, god or otherwise, could stand such a condition, and was careful not to make the same mistake with Kid, but Lord Death (at that point) was unable to admit or think of Asura as anything other than a traitor and a threat.

Lord Death taught Kid that the real purpose of a Reaper was balance - conveniently forgetting to mention how he came by that particular titbit of wisdom - his eldest son, the most unbalanced creature to ever breathe.

I remember being in the car on my way to school with my dad. At the time I was suffering from an intense anxious phase where I was deathly afraid of bad weather - even something as harmless as dark clouds. I would cry when I opened my curtains and looked out. I didn't want to leave the house. I remember my dad saying to me: "You keep this up, and you'll be a nervous wreck."

That scared me, but I didn't know what to do to stop being scared. My fixation with the weather passed, somehow, later, but when I was in the grip of it I was powerless to do anything because I didn't understand, and neither did my parents. I was already a nervous wreck, and the prospect of a future where this continued, or became worse, only terrified me more.

Luckily, while my dad was never the best at handling my fears (more from his own 'pick yourself up' mindset and fear for me than disinterest or lack of love), my mum was always there to get me the help I needed and talk to me about my feelings. I still struggle today, but I have a good support system and am better equipped to handle and understand my feelings.

Asura had nothing and nobody like that. His father, Lord Death, created a fully mature being with full concept of his own makeup - the fears that Lord Death had discarded, the fears that made Lord Death flawed, imperfect, and wrong. Lord Death made a son of one of the the most corrosive and self-sabotaging emotions and was surprised when that didn't turn out well!

Lord Death saw a man, his son, so utterly terrified by the world, people, and himself, that he couldn't bear to go out without the protection of layers upon layers of clothing, a being so crippled by fear that he kept everything and everybody at arm's length, even his own partner Vajra, and spent his days in a state of constant introspection, barely paying attention to the outside world and mumbling incoherently.

Lord Death looked at that man, that firstborn child of his, and allowed that to continue. There's no indication he tried to ease Asura's anxieties, or help him in any way. Asura was a powerful member of his elite order, and that seemed to be all that mattered until it was too late. What kind of parent sees their child in such a state and does nothing?

Who looks at this and does nothing?

Lord Death created a nervous wreck of a man, and was both surprised and furious when that nervous wreck finally broke under the strain. Lord Death and others talk about Asura 'forgetting his discipline/teachings' and disobeying, like he was supposed to magically be able to handle being mortally afraid!

Being so helpless against the condition of his being, Asura sought the only thing available to him - the only thing he was valued for: power, and disobeyed his father.

Lord Death's response? To rip all of Asura's skin off his body and seal him inside it for the next eight hundred years, and doing everything possible to keep Asura there.

We all know that sealing something away and putting a rug over it never works, especially in fiction, so it was only a matter of time before Asura was freed, but in an emotional and moral point of view it was so, so wrong.

Asura had been gripped in fear for all his life, unable to healthily cope with it, and spent so much time in his own head his thoughts were coming out of his mouth as frantic whispers. The worst thing Lord Death could have possibly thought of as a punishment was to isolate Asura entirely.

I don't remember if this appeared in the manga, but in the anime (Lord Death and Asura's second/final confrontation), Asura tells Death of the things he thought about while in that sack of skin, because the only freedom he had left was to think. The worst possible thing for anyone, especially someone suffering from anxiety, is to do nothing but think. All this exercise does, and did with Asura, is exacerbate and breed more anxieties, and further embed them into the mind.

Left with nobody but himself to find a way out of the existential terror of his own thoughts, Asura came to realise that he had been an experiment, a tool, not a son. He refers to our heroes at puppets of Lord Death, as he once was, and regards Lord Death as nothing but a tyrant. Up until the revelation that he and Kid are brothers, Kid himself had never questioned Lord Death. Asura had eight hundred years to do that.

Eight hundred years in a stew of your own existential dread.

In the anime series, Asura concluded that it was the ability to imagine the future that was the source of fear. He who had spent so long terrified of the what if's and maybes, tortured by uncertainty, he sought to create a world where there was nothing but the immediate, static present, where nothing like that could exist.

Lord Death's response? "Sorry, I'll kill you for real this time" or "I've had enough of your rants!"

In either anime or manga, he never addresses or responds to Asura's thoughts or feelings. Even when Lord Death realised the error of making his eldest son the way he was, he never communicated this to Asura personally. To Asura he was flippant, dismissive and angry, acting as if Asura was solely responsible for the evil he did when Lord Death knew it wasn't. He'd sooner punish and hurt Asura than actually help him, a consequence of becoming 'Order' with no room for those who challenge or question it. It's like taking a young offender into a prison full of nasty criminals and violence and being shocked when they come out worse than when they went in.

His suffering son is a blemish, a shame, a threat. At one point, Lord Death even threatens to put Asura through the same existential hell again. Can people really blame Asura for hating him and turning on everything Lord Death cares about (more than he ever did his own son)?

In making his anxiety a person, Lord Death was obviously going to detach himself from Asura as an individual. Asura is everything he wanted to dispose of, only powerful and capable of taking out his enemies en masse. He was clearly only kept around and tolerated for that purpose, but never looked upon or valued as a thinking being capable of feeling and reacting to the condition of his birth.

Asura is Lord Death's biggest, most horrendous and reprehensible act. It's not a mistake, either. Lord Death intentionally created Asura to be the way he was, with no mind for the consequences until it blew up in his face. And when it did, not only was Lord death not humbled or sorry, but he pinned all the blame on Asura in a fit of rage and punished him - and punished him in the worst way both for Asura himself and for the world in general.

Lord Death treated Asura and his mental breakdown like a rabid dog to be locked away and forgotten about. That is not something a good parent does. A good parent acknowledges their hand in their children's problems, they talk to them, they help them out.

Lord Death may have been a good father to Kid, but he was the absolute worst Asura could have had. And Kid, aside from that flicker of doubt, doesn't acknowledge it, continuing to praise Lord Death and be the true Death God Lord Death had wanted.

Asura lashes out and sees everything in the world as his enemy, a thing to fear, a thing to hate, and he could not conceive of anything except terror. He was completely unable to understand a state of peace, harmony, bravery, in the face of all the fear life throws at you. He was a nervous wreck until he died, and that scares me. I don't want to become like that, but it's difficult to imagine some days when you're gripped by this unnatural fear of something, even if you know what it is, that you can get better and be truly content.

Asura was never happy and always afraid. He was fucked over by his parent like Chrona was, but nobody (including the narrative) gave a shit. Yes, his actions were wrong, he had to be stopped, he couldn't be allowed lash out against the world and others like he was, but I still see Asura was a tragic figure who was fucked over by the person he needed most.

I'm sorry this is so long, I have a lot of feelings right now.

[thefandomlesbian]

WIP tag: thank you @scandinavian-punk for tagging me!!

Brace yourselves because I am about to word vomit on your screen—

(not including WIPs that are currently posted, since you can explore those at your leisure)

To Rule and Guide: The sequel to To Light and Guard, Lana and Mary Eunice go forward in their relationship, but they encounter hiccups along the way as old enemies rise, friends twist beyond recognition, and the church tries to call back the nun it released so recklessly.

Break Rank: John Laurens was shot down off of his horse and dragged away from the Battle of Combahee River, believed to be dead. A mutilated corpse was buried in his stead, but he awakens in a warm cabin to a middle-aged lesbian couple who nurse him back to health. Now disabled and with everyone believing he's dead, he has to try to make his way back up to New York, as there is only one person who will believe him.

Lead Me Astray: Spencer receives a diagnosis of malignant cancer behind his eyes, the first-line treatment being removal of both eyes. He quietly hands in his resignation to Strauss and earns a deal for medical retirement, and he intends to spend his remaining days setting things up to survive life alone as a blind man. However, when the team receives word of his decision to leave without telling any of them, Aaron hunts him down and demands answers. Convincing Spencer of his worth, both as a person and as a member of the BAU, is not easy, but it's necessary for the upcoming case they will face.

Like Minor Gods: Spencer lost a high-stakes bet with Derek. Now he's training for a triathlon. It's not exactly a fun time, seeing as his athleticism peaked when he was the basketball coach in high school, but with a little help from his unit chief, he may have a chance of crossing the finish line.

Shipwrecked Souls: After taking his leave from the BAU, Aaron struggles with Jack, who has developed increasingly concerning behavioral and psychological issues. Jack is riddled with anxiety and PTSD, and no matter what Aaron does to try to help, they wind up yelling at each other. Desperate for some help, he attends a seminar for parenting a troubled kid, where Spencer is surprisingly guest lecturing after earning his PhD in adolescent psychology. Aaron asks if Spencer will help tutor Jack—though Jack's failing grades are just the tip of the iceberg in regards to his current string of issues—and happily, Spencer agrees.

Singing While Rome Burns: After Foyet's escape from prison, Aaron has lost all of his coping skills. His family fell apart for his job, and he's apparently not even good at that anymore. He gets blackout drunk and wanders around lost in Rock Creek Park until he intends to call Rossi to come get him. Inadvertently, he calls Spencer instead. Spencer rescues him, and this act of mercy ignites a spark between them. But they walk a path ripe with trepidations, as Foyet is still on the move, Haley is busy settling the divorce, Strauss battles corporate challenges, and Spencer struggles to find where he fits in all of it with his new role in Aaron's life.

Spencer & Aaron: Dharma and Greg AU. Hotshot federal prosecutor Aaron Hotchner sees the most beautiful man he's ever met on the subway on his way to the office. He tries to go after him, but the doors slide closed, and he's left with a sense of longing—until he arrives at work to find the same man sitting on his desk. "You're Aaron Hotchner," he says. "You appeared in the Washington Post five months ago for putting away the Freeway Butcher. Your building security is weak. I was able to guess the passcode in two tries. I'm Spencer. I remember everything I read." On an impromptu first date, they recklessly decide to get married. On the days after, they bring together two incredibly different families and groups of friends, slowly teaching everyone that any relationship can work if there's enough love and compassion involved.

The Good Place: The Good Place AU. Corporate lawyer Aaron Hotchner was an asshole in life. In death, he awakens to find he's been placed in the Good Place by mistake. Partnered with his "soulmate," Spencer; a former nun, Emily, and her soulmate, Penelope; a spiritual vessel of knowledge, JJ; and two so-called angel-men, Dave and Derek, they find themselves dragged into a war which could challenge the very foundation the afterlife is built upon.

The Landscape After Cruelty: Spencer drives Aaron home from Quantico the day of Haley's death. Over the following days, he orchestrates everything from behind the scenes. He works with Jessica to care for Jack; he cooks meals for Aaron; he calls funeral homes to arrange services; he makes Aaron's appointments and then drags him to them by force. He makes himself indispensable. It only leaves Aaron wondering—why?

Insects in Amber: inspired by @ablogofthecriminalmindsvariety Whumptober prompt, infection. The team has split to handle two different cases. Spencer finds a breakthrough in the case he works with Aaron, but Garcia is busy with the rest of the team, so they go with no coordinates and no warning. When Aaron gets into combat with the unsub and they both fall down the stairs, the chamber doors seal behind them, trapping them inside. The unsub is dead, his neck broken in the fall, and Aaron's femur is protruding from his body where he landed. He's in an agonizing amount of pain, and Spencer knows the statistics for infection of an open fracture are bleak at best. No one knows where they are. They only have the hope that the team will find them soon—or else there will only be one of them to rescue.

Call Me Home: Cordelia Goode has finally escaped the oppressive home of her mother and has landed a job at the local animal rescue, Starfish, where she becomes fast friends with the quirky woman who works dog side, Misty. As shelter drama picks up, they learn together how difficult saving lives can really be.

Minor Bird: Acclaimed pianist, Misty Day, has decided to step away from her career and take an early retirement. Amateur Cordelia Goode wants to find out why. When her teacher makes arrangements for her to meet Misty in person, she learns that soon, Misty will not be able to perform any longer. In a crunch for time and desperate to learn more, Cordelia begs for Misty to teach her. In the process, they grow closer together than either of them ever dreamed.

The Sister Act: Lana Winters witnessed a horrible crime and has been placed in witness protection in an abbey for her own safety. She repeatedly butts heads with the Mother Superior, Jude, as she struggles to survive the trauma of what she witnessed. With the help of Sister Mary Eunice, she begins to appreciate the quiet spirituality of the place. But criminals are still pursuing her, eager to silence her before she can testify.

I've Got Your Demons (They're Crying Out for Love): Lana Winters aids Briarcliff in the exorcism of Sister Mary Eunice. Both are pregnant from crimes committed against them and against God. Lana places her son up for adoption; Mary Eunice's daughter is stolen from her, dumped on hospital steps with no note by Monsignor Howard who will not be held accountable for his actions. When Mary Eunice is well enough, she leaves Briarcliff with Lana, desperate to reconnect with her daughter, but it's years before they catch up to young Billie Dean Howard, and they find that demons still continue to touch them at every turn.

Autumn Hands: Audrey saved Shelby's life, but she couldn't save her mutilated vocal cords, permanently damaged by her attempt on her own life. All sorts of trials await them—criminal, medical, social—as they try to look past their fraught history and come together as the sole survivors of Roanoke.

On the Pyre, Before the Hearth: Lana Winters gets lost in the Louisiana swamp after she tries to find herself in the wilderness. There, she encounters a lonely hermit woman who has spent the past decade living in solitude and subsisting off the land. A flood forces her and Misty into one another's company for several days, but when it's time for Lana to leave, she finds she doesn't want to life with Misty ever again. Misty has her own secrets and reasons for hiding, unbeknownst to Lana, who writes and publishes about her experience in the hope of drawing Misty out of the woods. She has no idea the ramifications of her actions.

That... Should be everything 😳😬😐 I'm tagging @reidology @ablogofthecriminalmindsvariety @its-a-goode-day @honeyvenable and whoever else feels motivated to do it!

[sunflowersseemhappy]

main 6 with an apprentice who’s blind? also, i hope you have a lovely day!

Thank you anon for the request, sorry it took so much time but I was melting in the heat here and had a bit of writers block. Despite that I have had a lovely few days since I got your request!

I really hope this is alright, obviously take it with a grain of salt as I am not blind and have no clue what other people who are blind go through.

This is more based on an apprentice who wasn’t blind before resurrection but it could be either way. But I think it makes sense for the Apprentice (as the Fool) to be blind due to the classic card in tarot... (but I won’t get into that now!)

As always I hope you enjoy! REQUESTS ARE OPEN and up next is;

Main 5/6? react to an Apprentice who is trying to cheer them up about their histories by talking about their own history with Lucio. (A better title to come.)

Asra

Some of his travels involved looking for treatments, never really gave up looking for something or someone who could help you.

Begged the Magician to help restore your sight, it was hard enough you no longer had your memories but without your sight Asra didn’t know how you would cope.

Baby proofed everything, all the furniture is nailed down and the heaviest items are on the lowest shelves, he put railings on both sides of the stairs and did consider putting the bedroom downstairs.

Faust is now a guide dog snake, she takes her duty very seriously but her warnings can come a little late because snake’s vision is slightly different.

Placed magical runes around the city so you could find your way, it took him a while but they work well and act with your own magic

Hired a caretaker at some point, who was great but as you learned you didn’t seem to need the help as much.

Removed all the doors (except those that lead outside) so you wouldn’t walk into them, though you still fumble with the curtains he put up on them instead.

Enchanted a mirror to check in on you while he’s away, he can see and speak to you if needs be.

Hummed or sang songs when you were frustrated with your impairment.

Considered not teaching you magic, but couldn't bear to deny you that part of yourself - so he taught you to use it to strengthen your other senses.

Lets you know when he wants to touch/kiss you, because he’s so light footed he’s surprised you one too many times.

Was and still obsessed about you touching his face to let you know what he looks like, needless to say you are obsessed with how fluffy his hair is. The both of you just sit there opposite one another and he lets your hands roam over him, he was so pleased when you asked him if he wanted to do it to you.

Finds it hilarious that the clothes you wear often end up gaudier than his own and clash terribly. He always lets you know and helps out if you need it.

Everything is a mystery when it’s placed in your hands by Asra, a potion bottle? Tea? Faust? No matter how many times he does it Asra always forgets to let you know what he’s giving to you. You just stand there and try to work it out.

Knows that you use your blindness to get out of chores, but he just loves you too much to confront you.

Nadia

She looks for possible treatments, but doesn’t let you know. She doesn’t want to get your hopes up, there’s nothing worse than false hope.

Nadia’s both a countess and a princess, she has some major pull so surely she could find something? However her efforts are as fruitless as Asra’s but she is determined to make you as happy as possible.

You can’t see her face but when she realised she could not do anything she cried right in front of you without you noticing.

Asks you if you wish to have a handmaid/foot servant as your guide/helper (like Portia is to her), if you say yes she will personally hire them and make sure they are the kindest person she can get.

Got all of the palace labelled by the doorways

Made your room minimalist and very cushy

Searched for braille books you could read, it was a nice gesture but you hadn’t learned it yet so the two of you learned it together.

Chandra became your silent watcher, at first she was very unamused at looking after you but after a few good pets she’s glued to your side.

Makes sure the palace is kept impeccably clean.

Do you want a guide dog? Because she’ll get you one or even three.

Some of the courtiers, not naming any *cough* “Valerius” *cough* may make some rude comments and Nadia may imply that if they don’t apologise their tongue may find it’s way out of their mouth...

She buys you delightfully tasteful clothes, but when she gets around to describing the colours you get confused because Asra just used the simple terms like blue. “There are egg-shell’s on this?!” She laughs and realising her mistake she takes the time to describe the variations of colours to you (like so).

At least her surprises for you always stay a surprise.

She finds it quite endearing that you wake up and never really have much care for what you look like, but she does insist she at least brushes your hair so it’s not sticking up in places.

When you ask to ‘see’ her by touching her face she forgets herself and nods (before realising you didn’t see that and saying yes), she is very flustered when you tell her she’s pretty. Other people have said it, but something about you touching her face and finding out in your mind what she looks like is different...

Very gentle when touching you, her hand often slips into your’s when you are unaware but it never makes you jump. A lot of the time it’s like you can feel her presence as she enters the room.

Guides your lips to where she wants you to kiss, always with a gentle touch.

Julian

He tried so hard to use his mark to take away your blindness, so much so he actually passed out from the effort. You were very scared and didn’t want him to try again, you lied about seeing him for a brief second.

In his own mind Julian wants so badly to heal you, he’s a doctor and that’s his job! But he can’t, it feels worse than when he tried to cure the plague.

He may not be able to heal you but he’s had experience with others who were blind, he makes your life so much easier.

Tried out giving you a white cane to figure out what was in front of you, you may have accidentally hit him in the shins a couple of times.

A lot of supervision, it’s not that he doesn’t trust you its just that he’s seen you pick up flour to put in your morning coffee one too many times.

Tries to cook (empathise on tries).

Lets you know what his expressions are when he’s talking about things, very good at communicating his thoughts and feelings.

Malak takes advantage of the situation, stealing any shiny objects when Julian’s out and you (obviously) can’t see. After a precious possession went missing Julian climbed up into the rafters to steal them back.

He shoulder bumps you, just to let you know he’s there if you need him. Although you sometimes get confused and apologise thinking he’s a stranger that just passed by.

Finds it adorably cute when you apologise to an inanimate object that you bumped into, his face just says ‘gods I love you’.

Very needy and wants you to touch his face all the time, he’ll just grab your hands and place them on his face. You’re very confused about the eyepatch. He loves it when your hands find his lips and trail down his chin, he just melts.

Within reason he jokes around a lot, his favourite thing to do is to stick his very cold hands down the back of your shirt and make you jump.

Absolutely loses his s**t when you make blind jokes to people who are completely unaware (ie. “Look at this!” “I would but my eyes don’t seem to be co-operating right now.”)

Muriel

Muriel knows that Asra tried everything to restore your sight so he’s very aware that if Asra, the most powerful and wilful person he’s ever met can’t help you, then he can’t do much else.

He even says it outright to you. Sure he’d want to try and help you but that’s just not something he’s able to do, but you would appreciate his honesty.

He’d make up for it through all his actions, and to be honest that is all you could ask for (at this rate it’s a breath of fresh air not being poked and prodded and slathered in ointments and tonics).

Muriel found you smacked your head on the door frame/beams of the hut one too many times (he used to do it a lot but he came to expect it). For you he pads them with fur lining, or just does some heavy lifting and prop them up higher.

Gave you a rune that rumbles when you’re about to smack into something (kind of like echolocation but magic)

Inanna is such a doll, she lets you gab the fur between her shoulders and guides you wherever you ask. Often escorts you back to the shop if Muriel can’t

Speaking of which, although he doesn’t like it Muriel will brave Vesuvia’s streets to make sure you get back to the shop in one piece.

Whittled you a cane, he made sure he didn’t get hit in the shins.

Although he can get a bit flustered at physical touch, he’ll always hold your arm if you want him to. Heck he’ll carry you if you ask.

Makes a sound/word, taps you before touching you, he’s a big guy and although he knows you don’t mind he really doesn’t want to scare you.

Takes you out and describes the places in the forest you visit, he really likes to describe the animals to you because your reactions are awe-struck.

When you asked to ‘see’ him he was confused, but when you described it he was hesitant. It’s one thing people seeing him and another people touching him, but your face is so innocent and he knows you don’t mean to make him uncomfortable. So after mentally preparing himself he sets you on the bed and sits in front of you.

His eyes were closed as your hands roamed his face but he let out a sigh as you traced the shape of his face and ran your fingers over the stubble of his cheeks and chin. He actually enjoyed it. Until you let out a shocked sound at the feel of his scars, “What is this?!” He very stiffly answered what and why they were there You then apologised profusely.

He can be deviously quiet without meaning to be so it’s a shock when you realise he’s been behind you the past ten minutes.

Makes you carvings of animals when you want to ‘see’ them too, you gave them names and called the wolf Mini-Inanna and the bear Muriel, because of reasons...

Portia

Feels very much the same way as Muriel does, at the end of the day she’s a servant not a powerful magician, a wealthy count or a skilled doctor like her brother.

Her main focus is to make you happy despite your blindness, it doesn’t have to change anything about your lives.

That being said if she heard about a magical object from one of Mazenkalias stories that could grant wishes or something she’d be on the next boat out of Vesuvia with you to make an adventure out of it.

Quickly realised she needed to hide the good china after knocked a tea cup over and off the table.😂

Put a bell on Pepi’s collar so you don’t step on her.

Pepi picked up fast that if you were going to sit on the chair she was on she’d have to mew or get out of the way! She forgives you and has on a few occasions raced to meow at you to let you know you might trip over something on the floor.

Learned braille with you when Nadia sent you some books after Portia told her that she wished you could read the books she had.

She makes you tons of blankets and pillows that have embroidered accents for something to fiddle with while you’re bored.

Always has a first aid kit handy, her cottage is messy and full of odds and ends and unfortunately accidents happen.

Created safe spaces, the bedroom and the living area are both devoid of anything apart from cushy furniture.

When Portia’s working at the palace she and Nadia invite you to escort Nadia during her duties so you can ‘see’ Portia at the Palace but be watched after by the countess.

Very giggly when you ask to ‘see’ her, she can’t stop smiling and thinks it’s amazing that you can piece together an image of her in your head. She loves it when you press your fingers to her cheeks and makes funny sounds to make you laugh too. When she mentions freckles you are awe-struck, because you didn’t know people’s skin could have them.

Accidentally remodelled the cottage without telling you, resulting in you falling flat on your face after tripping over a stool when you entered.

Also loves the blind jokes you use on others, she’ll retell them to Julian and they’ll just laugh over your comedic genius.

She’s too loud to sneak up on you so you know when she’s coming, but she warns you all the same by saying what she’s about to do. If she shouts “HUG!” prepare to be squeezed by her deceptive strength.

Once blindfolded herself and tired to experience the world like you do, fell over and hurt herself. You couldn’t stop crying with laughter as she tried to explain.

Lucio

Appalled at the thought! He feels very sorry for you and would probably try to make another deal with some demon, you have to drag him away by the ear while lecturing him on how bad of an idea it is.

It was really awkward having to deal with the healers, magicians, advisers, etc... he hired to ‘fix’ you. You actually had to give him a few stern words and ease him down, the determination is appreciated but you’d much rather have his attention than let him fuss over restoring your sight to you.

In the end he’s glad you did because it was only then he got to love and dote on you the way he wants to.

Tried and failed to train Mercedes and Melinchor into suitable guide dogs, those two are too headstrong and stubborn (kind of like a certain count you know).

Insists on escorting you to wherever you want to go before he goes to where he is supposed to be, does not care if he’s late for a meeting so long as you are where you want to be.

Mercedes and Melinchor are actually helpful, they keep their distance but if you’re lost you’ll feel them tug at your sleeves and guide you or they’ll guard you from possible foes (e.g the courtiers).

Commissioned paintings/sculptures you could touch so you could ‘see’ the exotic places he described to you.

Stopped wearing the sharp plates on his prosthetic arm as when you touched it you would get hurt by the sharp metal.

Tried to learn braille with you but he found it super hard with his prosthetic arm as it didn’t feel things like a normal hand, but you both took your time and succeeded together.

Can’t believe you can ‘see’ him by just touching his face but lets you and asks what you think about how he looks. Has never felt more self conscious than he does now. He sit’s very awkwardly but can’t help but mumble a little as you trace his nose and up to the ridge of his brow. “You’re very handsome.” That’s enough to make him splutter a thank you.

You ask at one point to feel his stump where his arm was and he’s pretty reluctant but lets you all the same as you find out about his scars and ask him about it. Afterwards he gets cocky and asks if you want to ‘see’ anything else, you smack him on the shoulder but laugh anyway.

Actually forgets you’re blind sometimes, he’s accidentally; smacked you in the face with several objects (pillows, hairbrushes, eyeliner...), asked you to pass him his dressing robe (you passed him yours and he got trapped in it), told you to look at the cool albino turtle he got and you just deadpan said “Wow.”

He’s seen you talk to statues after brushing past them and thinking they are people.

Sneaky like Julian will definitely scare you every once in a while, jokes on him if he doesn’t dodge your hand in time. But when he wants to touch you he’ll make his footsteps more pronounced and ask you if he can give you a hug or a kiss.

[beerecordings]

so what was it like for chase in favored puppet au when he first got to the house? i assume he was closed off or shy at least? how did anti get him to open up so much? (besides like, being there for a year i suppose haha!)

dude he was literally terrified!!! for months!!! ahhh June it was torture for him seriously!!

like you said this more recent fic is a huge time gap, like ten months or something, i don’t remember if i said that but it’s been a long time. but like the real terror that he has at the end of the first fic does not disappear quick. even if he didn’t know what Anti was, it would still be super super scary to get kidnapped by a supernatural creature, know that it killed the people who owned this house before it trapped you here, and then realize that apparently it wants to keep you permanently?? ahhhh. but it was even worse because this creature had literally tormented Chase for months. he thought Anti was literally an embodiment of his suicidality because that was what he represented to him. so this fic definitely skips over the parts where Chase would just cry and rock himself and scream every time Anti came into the room for days on end.

it took about two weeks before Chase started to realize that Anti was like... trying to be nice to him. it was still really creepy, and he was still terrified of him because of their past and because Anti did hurt him on accident a few times, but then whenever Anti did realize he had gone too far, he would like purr at him and pat him and garble things like “it’s okay” even though he could barely speak at the time. Chase was really scared about what he wanted from him, but he didn’t hurt him at least. so Chase stopped screaming so much and just started clamming up, like, constantly. he would just be this frozen little guy in the corner, never meeting Anti’s eyes unless he had to. being that scared actually made Chase really compliant, so Anti was able to teach him things like eat when I tell you to, stop fussing when I pull on your hair, take care of this plant so that you will be less sad, etc.

Chase was really confused by Anti’s attempts to make him less depressed. why does this demon want him to keep a garden and feed the chickens?? um??

Anti gave him space for a long time. The thing about this Anti is that honestly he’s not that much nicer than any of the others, but unlike the others, who understand that Chase has the same intellectual and emotional powers as they do, this Anti truly does not see Chase as being all that much more than an animal. it’s gross, yeah, but it did allow him to be nicer to Chase because to him it wasn’t like someone equally as smart as him was purposefully causing him problems, it was like if he had adopted a dog off the streets and the dog was really scared of him because it had been beaten in the past or something. so Anti is just like “it’s a little scared animal so I will just be really nice to it and take care of it and one day it will warm up to me! cute human”

(his perspective on humans might have changed a little since those first few months, but that was definitely his premise at the time).

Chase started to grow comfortable around Anti because honestly his brain like HAD to find a way to cope with the fact that this wasn’t ending. he couldn’t accept emotionally that this horrible, horrible monster was going to keep him a prisoner forever - no one could - so he changed his perspective. this is why Chase calling Anti “he” instead of “it” is really important. Chase subconsciously started to find ways to see Anti as more human and less the terrifying being that would scratch him in his sleep and haunt him with images of his dead child. (not to say that “it” is inherently dehumanizing if those are your pronouns in your language, but to Chase personally that was what it represented).

and to make him seem more human, Chase had to start doing human things with him!! Anti would always follow Chase around, just watching him because he’s always liked to do that, and one day Chase really timidly asked if Anti wanted to help him feed the chickens. and he started to look for ways that Anti’s expressions and curiosity and learning were human and normal and comprehensible to them. and actually, he started to think it was kind of cute the way that Anti is kind of like a kid when it comes to human things and needs to learn. he started to kind of enjoy hanging out with him because he could teach Anti things like cooking and how to talk and Anti would be so curious and determined and just, like, really interested in Chase himself!!! if you remember the first fic, part of the reason Chase fell apart from Henrik was because Henrik became obsessed with time travel and didn’t have time for Chase, and Chase was totally isolated from all his neighbors too... but then, after all that time of feeling totally alone, here’s somebody who just thinks Chase is really great and clever and fun and always wants to hang around him! and Anti was positive and cheerful with Chase, loving that his pet was letting him in a little bit more. which moved Chase on to step two: letting Anti convince him that he’s the one who loves him, he’s the one who takes care of him, and it was good for Chase that Anti has kidnapped him and keeps him as a prisoner. And Chase was just so scared and Anti was so warm and cuddly and always bringing him treats and games and anything he wanted and taking care of him and telling him he’s his good nice little human...

yeah lads you guessed it it’s that sweet sweet Stockholm Syndrome. and honestly Chase is even aware of this sometimes, which is why he has conversations with Anti where he’s like “you know you like literally kidnapped me right??” and Anti’s genuinely does not see the problem. Chase has doubts sometimes, but because Anti’s been taking care of him and loving on him in his own messed-up way for so long (and Chase was really love-starved!!), and because he has to have a way to cope with what’s going on, he’s allowed Anti to convince him that Anti knows what’s best for him and that he would kill himself if he were left alone without him :(((

plus there’s that whole character trait of Chase being really interested in stories about like “chosen ones” and going on supernatural adventures and things like that, so, paired with the fact that he was honestly too depressed and sick from withdrawal and grief to fight Anti very hard or even find the energy to want to get free of him and go back to his old life, Chase let himself settle into this new life and started searching for ways to prove to himself that Anti is actually one of the nice monsters in the stories he used to read as a kid. and Anti is constantly reminding him of how bad his life was before Anti came and took him away. over time, Chase has learned to be grateful.

and then the last thing is that honestly Anti and Chase get along really well!! they really truly have a lot of fun with each other! Chase feels like he can be himself around Anti and he loves teaching him things, and Anti loves spending time with his pet and entertaining him and making Chase happy. it’s a weird dynamic because in a way both of them feel like they have to take care of each other. Anti has to keep Chase alive and sees himself as his hero, but Chase feels a need to teach Anti things he needs to know because he’s really paternal and lets himself perceive Anti as childish and emotionally needy to excuse the fact that he kidnapped him and does things like slapping him. it’s not his fault!! he’s just a little new to the human world!! Chase can teach him to treat him right, he’s sure of it. he refuses to see Anti as this ancient, terrifying monster. that was the old Anti. this is his Anti. this is his monster, and he loves him.

[santos-emilia]

An exploration with Emilia’s relationship with struggles and addiction Word Count: ~ 2,400 TW: drug use & addiction, miscarriage, self-harm More for me than y’all

Pain is powerful. Everything in life comes from pain - yours or someone else’s. Even, the first breath one takes only comes after hours, sometimes days, of pain from the one who had birthed them. Pain fueled anger. Pain fueled revenge. The thing is, there is always relief from pain. There is always something better to come, something to take pain away. Pain fueled life and with it the pleasure of joy. Pain fueled happiness. Pain fueled relief. 

But there is one thing that is even more powerful than pain. Numbness. A loss of sensation of feeling. 

When the decision was made to give the daughter she had so dearly wanted up, to make a promise never to interfere in her life and all to keep her safe, Emilia had felt pain. She and Tony had dearly wanted that tiny bundle of joy, had a name picked out and even a nursery made. But time had made her realize that being her daughter would put a target on her back. If President Snow would kill a victor to get his way, what would he be doing to an innocent child to get the cooperation of the child’s parents? It wouldn’t be safe for the child. And so the child was given up, given to someone who could hopefully provide a safer home, one without the constant attention, one without the threat of retaliation if her parents stepped a foot out of line. 

Emilia had only had two weeks with the child, two weeks before being forced on a train to tour the nation. She had cried and grieved for the life lost, for the lie that she tried to pretend was a reality - that her child had died. But in her fragile state she could only take so much, so much poking and prodding, so many touchy hands, so many sponsors she was forced to entertain before she just let go. It was easier to be numb than to feel everything else, pain and shame and worthlessness. It was easy to feel nothing at all - a stagnant, harrowing nothing. 

Numb : deprived of the power of sensation or responsiveness

Being numb took you away from everything. It took away your pain and with the absence of pain came an absence of happiness and joy, pleasure and satisfaction. You would do anything to regain some semblance of normalcy, to break through the fog of numbness. But numbness has no adversary in the way pain does. Numbness lingers. Numbness spawns tendrils that work into every fiber of your being. Numbness’s only adversary is you, and if you refuse to face what invited numbness in, numbness will make your world go black. 

But nothing is not pleasant and trauma, unfaceable. So when a sponsor offered a hit, a line of cocaine, an assurance that it’d make the evening more interesting, Emilia had given in. If for no other reason than to feel something without dealing with her issues. And the euphoria offered by the fine white powder became a problem, a problem that she would seek out in droves. It wasn’t her first run in with drugs (a morphling addiction fueled by a want to escape her post-games pain, but she’d stopped cold turkey at the barest suggestion that it might harm her growing pregnancy), and it wouldn’t be her last. No, the cocaine and the euphoria it offered quickly became an addiction. 

Something was better than nothing even if that something was artificial. 

It would be an addiction she would struggle with on and off for several years, even after the void of numbness abated. A positive pregnancy test would come back and she’d force herself to stop. A miscarriage, or the absence of Tony, or the worry that he might end up dead if caught by peacekeepers while in his search for rebellion would send her spiraling again. Rinse, wash, repeat, the cycle would continue for seven years until an overdose nearly ended her life. 

Chemical euphoria was better than numbness, but numbness was better than death. And numbness was broken by fear so strong it made her blood run cold. She’d almost died, almost killed herself. Tony would forever be physically scarred, his back a grisly mess of blood and muscle (the retribution of the head peacekeeper for activities relating to rebellion) as he fought to keep her alive. And she would be forever emotionally scarred by the fact she’d nearly died, nearly died trying to keep the love of her life alive, that he had nearly died. 

And so, Emilia would wake for the first time in seven years. Emilia would fight off withdrawal, vomiting, shaking and exhaustion. Pain would resurface. And with pain, would eventually come happiness and joy, relief - right? That’s how things were supposed to happen. 

Emotions would be felt again, life would be lived again. She would go about her daily activities and actually take note of them. Emilia would take up the things that had provided her with happiness and excitement and joy before. She would begin cooking again, reading from the small library she'd brought from her childhood home, dancing and listening to the music left behind by her father. 

Pain would make its presence know again and again. Another baby so dearly loved, lost - heartbeat gone at week eleven; a set of twins suffering from twin to twin transfusion, the 'healthy' one with a large gap in its skull; a lack of movement. Each time the numbness would try to resurface, try to creep in, but Emilia knew how to stave it off. Remember that night, the night spent tirelessly tending to her husband's tender back, the night spent covered in his blood, the next morning with her heart racing, the morning spent on the shower floor in the frigid water, Benadryl forced to be taken, her husband's pleading voice begging her to stay with him. If that didn't work, she'd disappear to the Academy for hours with the girl she'd taken on as a mentee, practice and focus, the ache of muscles worked until they could no longer,  would drive off the numbness. Tony would always be there to hold her close and provide the relief she'd need from the self-inflicted pain. Pain to drive away the numbness, relief to drive away the pain. 

But when her husband joined the rebellion again, something Emilia was not against for any reason other than her husband's safety, and his arms were not always there to provide comfort the pain was harder to get rid of and with the pain harder to get rid of, numbness crept in a little more successfully. So a dog was brought home, Metztli named for the Aztec Goddess of the moon and night for the black fur that covered the animal. A dog that was trained to recognize the signs of Emilia's depressive states or when she was on the verge of an anxiety attack. A dog that offered her the comfort her husband could not when he was not home. 

And things would be okay again. Okay and even enjoyable sometimes. She'd garden. She'd cook. She'd spend time with Alejo, the father-in-law who'd become like a second father, a man who'd teach her to shoot a gun just for the relief it offered, nothing more than blanks or paintballs. It was a relief from pent up emotions. But life was okay and she was coping. 

But when Emilia lost that little girl who'd become her mentee. When the little girl became a teenager and volunteered and died, Emilia would feel the pain. She would mourn that little girl who'd been as near as a daughter to her as seemed possible. She would cry in the privacy of her own home, blame herself and wonder if there had been something she could have done different. And in those months nothing seemed to be able to relieve the pain stuffed in her chest, but she had learned pain was better than numbness and so she clung to it. Clung to the pain for fear of the deadening of sensation that she knew came when she hid from the pain. 

Months passed in this way, clinging to the pain. She was tired and nauseous and that too she blamed on the nightmares, or rather refused to believe what else they might lead to. Her husband was away more. Rebellion thick on his skin when he returned. And he would be the one to mention she looked different, though by this point after loss after loss he knew better than to point out what seemed different. That could lead to tears and anxiety, it was easier to Emilia to just pretend she wasn't.  It when clothes begin to fit differently and still nausea clings worse than ever before, she was forced face the reality. And at eighteen weeks she was confirmed pregnant, a miracle, the furthest she'd ever made it since the very first. And at twenty-two weeks she was told she was having twins. 

Everything was great, everything grand. Emilia had finally set up a nursery, her husband was keeping home more, and for the first time in seventeen years Emilia felt well and truly happy despite the still present morning sickness. But as with everything it seemed, life was intent to tear her down and at twenty-six weeks pregnant she stood for another reaping. A reaping that would throw her daughter, the one she had birthed a mere six months after her own victory, at the arena with no hope and Emilia's world would come tearing down around her again within a couple of weeks. 

But Emilia was good at acting. So good that she almost convinced herself she was okay. Her beloved died, but two and a half months later she gave birth to two more children. And though numbness had seeked her out again, dragged her under, she was great at smiling for the cameras. Happy mom happy life despite the warning obviously dolled out by the Capitol. Everything looked and seemed fine. But under it all lulled a sense of dread and failure. Post partum depression danced in hellish circles with the depression and anxiety she was acquainted with. 

And when a year after the death of her beloved first child, the Capitol threw a wicked curve ball - resurrected tributes; the mentee, the beloved, and the father all in the arena again, Emilia could no longer ward off the cold clutches of numbness. Desperation sang out, and one by one she watched as her loved ones died in screen again, Tony gone when one right after the other Diana and Amada died within half an hour. She fell into the only relief she knew in the absence of her husband. Even with Metztli and her children with her, she fell, succumbed to the icy tendrils of nothing and gave in. 

Addiction : the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity

Addictions are tricky things. The vast majority of people deal with an addiction in some form; caffeine, tobacco, alcohol. But for some addiction runs deeper than those accepted by society. For some, addiction comes in the form of cocaine or morphling or heroine. For some addiction comes in the form of harming oneself. Whatever it is, from socially acceptable, to those often hidden, there is one universal truth. Addiction is hard to kick, addiction with fight you with headaches and convulsions, paranoia and exhaustion. Addiction is not willing to let you go easily.  

Addiction is a hard thing to fight off and nearly ten years after making the choice to be sober, Emilia gave in again. She sought out the only solace she knew, the only thing that was sure to make feeling something possible again. Cocaine was an old friend, and easy to come by, especially when she knew where her old stashes were kept. But when stashes ran out and the itch grew stronger, contacts were made and old acquaintances pulled in. 

And for a while, the old friend worked well. A line or two here or there, kept secret and behind closed doors and she could at least pretend. She could pretend behind her suits of white and her hair pulled back that she was once again that picture perfect victor. But that perfect picture was always a lie, had always been so. The poised and polished exterior hid her darkest of secrets just as it had in her early years of victory. She could stand tall (as tall as she could at 5’2”) when the nothingness was dulled by the euphoria of drugs. She could smile and wave, give advice and live. But is it really living when you're a slave to something else? 

For Emilia it was as good as, at least while her life still maintained some semblance of normal. But when shit hit the fan and the world around her seemed to crumble, fires spread and houses broken into, lives lost and bombs set, and Tony... Tony in the thick of it. When Emilia didn't even know where her husband was, left at home with the kids and her in laws, in laws that took more care of the kids at that point that she did, well not even the comfort of her drug of choice could bring her back from the deep seeded, vast emptiness she felt. Emptiness to stave off the constant worry, emptiness to stave off the anxiety, emptiness to stave off days spent in bed... But when her days were spent aimlessly, wandering and without any emotion to give purpose, when the emptiness could no longer be staved off Emilia found another vice that made her feel something, anything but numb.

It started as half-moon indentations, nails dug into her palm or into the fleshy underside as her arm as she watched news reports of the ongoing rebellion efforts; of bombs set in various districts including her own, of boats set adrift and sank, of factories destroyed and animals let loose, of reported deaths, rebels caught and imprisoned. And it worked for a small while but quickly delved into deeper lacerations. As things got worse so did the numbness and her need to feel anything but, nails in skin no loner could drag her out of the reveries that would suck her in, the what-ifs; what if Tony got caught, what if he was killed, what if they came after her or the kids. 

Half-moon indentations gave way to thin lines of red, to the cool press of metal against skin, one of Tony’s straight razors taken to the thick of her thighs or the tender skin of her belly. And not long after the rebellion would fall quiet, Tony would return home, injured but safe. But the thing with addiction, a fact Emilia knew entirely too well, was that addictions were not easy to kick, no matter what the addiction was. But she could feel something now, even if that feeling was a sharp pain, even if she often chased the pain with a line of euphoria, even if her husband was home to hold and comfort. 

At least again she could pretend, a facade falling back into place and just in time for her to be thrown back into the public face for the Victor’s Ball.

[thecandywrites]

Jewel Of The North Part 3

Aaah, we’re getting closer. Also this is fantasy, let’s pretend pallas cats are thunder cats and that they can be tamed. Also Scottish wild cats are a thing too. They can be thunder cats too. 

Again major thanks to @monstersandmaw​ for sharing ice orcs with me. 

Jewel of the North 

Part 3

You found yourself getting up at 4:30 and quickly got a shower and got ready as the sun was coming up and by 5 am, you were itching to leave and decided to just go and practically speed walked to Noah’s house in the misty dawn, only to find Sakura and Noah sitting on the front porch, wrapped in blankets as Noah looked particularly tired as he downed his coffee as two snow dogs laid on the porch, trying to get some sleep before they heard your approach and sat up and stared at you before they got up and slowly wagged their tails but didn’t make a sound. 

“Paradise!” Sakura squealed when she saw you as she instantly got up and ran to you as you laughed at the name as you caught her and picked her up and kissed her cheek as the dogs came running over to you too. 

“Well good morning to you too Munchkin!” You greeted happily before you carried her back to the house and cooed to the dogs who seemed happy and excited to see you too and sniffed at you eagerly and barked and ‘greeted’ you too in their own way. 

“What are you doing up so early?” You asked her. 

“I didn’t want to miss you coming!” She insisted. 

“Aw,” you cooed. “How long have you been up?” You asked her. 

“Since 4:30- she woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed.” Noah answered as he slowly got up out of his deck chair and grabbed his daughter’s blanket she left behind in her chair before he put it over her and you. 

“Oh that’s better, it’s chilly this morning.” You insisted as you curled into the warmth of the blanket as you followed him into the house, grateful he held the door open for you. Thankfully he had already made breakfast which you happily started eating with them as the dogs instantly put their heads in your lap, wanting pets, acting like they never got pets or any kind of attention ever. Typical. 

“So are you going to teach me how to be an heiress today?” Sakura asked eagerly and Noah nearly choked on his coffee. 

“Probably not because I wanted to talk to your dad about that first .” You put to her before you turned to Noah. 

“First I wanted to reassure you that whatever she tells me or whatever you tell me, I will keep in strict confidence and won’t be repeated to anyone unless I have your express and freely given consent to do so. Because honestly- the only people I would ever want to be telling anything to would be professionals, mostly very experienced lawyers and I will not do so unless I had your express permission to do it and I will not discuss anything of a private or sensitive nature unless it was in your presence as well. Second, I understand how I’m the outsider and honestly and realistically- you don’t know me from anyone and I completely understand if you’re uncomfortable with this and I’m not offended if you don’t want to involve me in anything sensitive, private or especially financial. If all you are comfortable with me doing is being here and watching her and being a babysitter, that’s fine with me, if you just want me to be a friend, I’ll just be a friend, if you want me to be an advisor, I’ll be an advisor. But only if you want me to be. You need to have your own boundaries for me and I’ll do my best to respect any and all boundaries given as long as those boundaries are clearly and expressly stated so there’s no confusion and no gray areas. I can not read your mind so if I cross a line, or if I have already crossed a line, please tell me as quickly as possible.” You insisted. 

“Oh, no you haven’t crossed any lines at all, you’re good.” Noah readily assured you. 

“Ok, good, I want us to stay on good terms and clear communication is the best way to achieve that.” You offered which earned a nod of agreement from Noah. 

“So moving forward- if you do end up wanting my advice, I can be as specific or as generic as you want me to be. But I will not give unwanted advice and I will not involve myself without your permission and I would want to make sure that my involvement is welcome by especially Neena’s parents and perhaps your own since it’s obvious they all still play an active role in her life because moving forward, if you’re going to continue to rely on them for support, it’s best to have everyone on the same page and even though you are her sole parent and guardian and the responsibility for her rests solely on your shoulders- I know I appreciated having more than my own eyes and mind on a problem- the whole- two heads are better than one principle, but at the same time we don’t want to involve anyone who doesn’t need to be involved because of the other principal of having too many cooks in the kitchen as we need to find a balance between the two.” You suggested. 

“I completely agree.” Noah nodded again in agreement with a fond smile. 

“Well, speaking from experience, I have had unwanted advice crammed down my throat more times than I can count and I hated it and I’m not going to do that to you guys. And if you do want my advice, please know that I will be honest and transparent about it and the only thing I want to gain from any of it- is the assurance and reassurance that you and Sakura are going to be ok and taken care of and if I can pass on the lessons I learned so that you don’t have to go through what I went through to learn them- I’ll be content.” You explained as Noah’s eyebrows knitted closer together for a moment at your choice of words. 

“Do you mind if I ask how you became an heiress?” Noah asked carefully. 

“I don’t mind at all, so what happened was I befriended about a dozen older couples when I went to massage school a decade ago and at the time they were all retirement age and they never had any kids, or the ones who did, their kids had passed before they did and they didn’t have any other natural heirs, no kids or grandkids or anything like that and they all practically adopted me because I took care of them the way I would take care of my own grandparents and I just tend to adopt grandparents in general and kids obviously.” You gestured to Sakura who was sitting next to you at the kitchen table. 

“Anyway, about two to three years before Andy died, most of them lost their partners and, again, none of them had kids to take care of them so I felt it was my responsibility as their friend to care for them because if I didn’t, no one else would and none of them were bad enough that they needed to go into a nursing home and I did all I could to keep them as independent as possible which is what they needed and what was best for them in those circumstances. So when Andy did die, the remaining ones were there for me to help me cope with his loss and how to protect myself and how to protect my kids and how to use what Andy left me in life insurance policies best and I took their advice and used it and benefited and then when they passed a few months later, and they all passed within the span of a week which was unreal - so it was just all one big funeral for me and I found out that all of them individually- left everything to me and none of them used the same lawyers or anything so there was no way for me or any of them to know that the others were doing the same thing since going into that ordeal I had only known that one of them were going to leave me anything and what they were leaving me was very modest in all respects. But within the span of another week after that in settling their final affiars which is when I found out I became inheriter to 15 different estates , it was really weird and I was investigated because the sheer coincidence of it seemed odd to everyone, most of all- me, and because there wasn’t any other parties coming forward trying to claim anything and because the only role I had in their passing was that I helped relieve pain and suffering and didn’t actually murder anyone, I got to keep it all and for a whole week after the deaths, I literally just kept going from each house and just cleaning out the fridges and freezers because I had already taken all their pets home with me, so now I have a freaking menagerie at home because I love and adore all of the pets and didn’t have the heart to take them to a shelter because most of them were old anyways and they should live out the rest of their lives in comfort and peace like their owners, and it’s obvious that your precious babies have picked up on that.” You explained as you turned your adoring attentions back to his dogs who were soaking up your attentions happily.  

“So what about the wolves and vultures?” Sakura asked. 

“Oh boy, well, that’s figurative, I’ve had to deal with figurative wolves and vultures in that people have tried to take advantage of me and think that because I was a woman who didn’t have any experience with managing estates and money and property that they could come in and take it from me the way a vulture will try to take a carcass from another or how they’ll prey on an injured animal and wait for it to die or how wolves will surround their target and overpower it, the same thing happened to me and it’s awful.” You answered. 

“How?” Sakura asked curiously. 

“Well, while the rest of my adopted grandparents were dying and I was inheriting all those estates, the company Andy had worked for- sued the manufacturer of the crystal grower that malfunctioned and killed him at work and because I was- and I quote- “the prettiest of the widows” his company paid me a ridiculous sum of money and other benefits to be the public face of the lawsuit even though there were five widows and widowers involved but it was my face that was crying in a courtroom that sold the story in the news and got the jury to sympathize and his company used my sob story, leaving out the fact that I was also an heiress for all these other estates- for their benefit and won the case in court- but because of my adopted grandparents who had amazing lawyers, who then became my lawyers, they made sure I got the lion’s share of the settlement because it was my face and my life that was put in the public eye for a hot minute and because of my own exposure, suddenly I had dozens of organizations and charities contact me too but because the settlement was so big, my biggest priority was making sure the other widows and widowers got a fair share and that they and their families were also taken care of because they didn’t have good lawyers like I did. So I used what little power and control I had in that situation to benefit them too because corportate greed is second to none.” You revealed. 

“Oh good grief.” Noah huffed. 

“Yeah, it wasn’t fun. The absolute worst part about it were just the figurative vultures and wolves. All these men came out of the woodwork after the court win because it was in the news- all of them thinking I was this ‘poor, inexperienced, stupid widow’ who practically won the lottery because the settlement was the same size as a small lottery and thought that I had gotten all of the settlement which wasn’t true or thought that I didn’t have any sense or propriety and thought that because I was young and inexperienced, they could take advantage of me which backfired on them spectacularly. Especially since I have clients on the local police force, fire department and other first responders who had been friends of mine before all this went down and who saw me through all of it and the moment any guy crossed that line of getting too close to me or especially my kids, who before any of this happened, I was already an overprotective Mama Bear anyway and through this whole ordeal, I just grew bigger claws and fangs and one hell of a bite and swing,” You gestured, making your hand clawed and swiping at the air which got Noah to grin appreciatively. 

“Anyway so if they got too close, they got the boot and a restraining order, I currently have over two dozen restraining orders against creepy vulture slash wolf tipes and I have gotten really good at spotting them from a mile away. I was already good at reading people and getting a sense of them because I’m an empath, it’s what I naturally do best, but now it’s basically a super power.” You chuckled before you continued to eat your breakfast. 

“And despite all that, you’re still... just a normal, down to earth mom.” Noah praised which made your smile bloom even brighter. 

“I try really hard not to let my past experiences change who I am too much because at the end of the day, what you just said is all I want to be. I used to be an easily trusting, very carefree, easy going and down to earth kind of person and I always reserved my judgement of people until I saw by their words and most importantly their actions- what kind of person they were and reacted accordingly I’ve always done my best to be a kind, generous and hospitable and caring person and I don’t want what has happened to me to change those parts of me that I like the most and that I’ve worked hard to cultivate despite how vicious and cold the rest of the world can be and just because I have suffered, doesn’t mean I should add to anyone else’s suffering and I don’t want greed or the love of money to corrupt me, I want to use it as the tool it is to build up instead of a precious finite resource that should be hoarded whenever encountered. A good person is a good person no matter how much money they have, and there’s a saying in the south about ‘acting too big for your britches’ that my parents and my inlaws are really good at calling me out on and at the time, I didn’t like it but after I thought about it, I realized they were right and I’m still humble enough to accept their council and we all need someone in our lives to bring us to our senses and remind us to keep it real.” You revealed as Noah smiled and nodded his approval to those sentiments. 

“Which is why I, for better or worse tried dating again, and why the few dates have been really casual. Two of them had no idea about my past with the inheritances or the court case or anything like that. All they knew about me was that I was a widow, a single mom of two, that I own my own massage business that I run out of my house and that’s it and that’s all they needed to know about me. I had two dates at a trampoline park that I take my kids to a lot and we met, sat in side by side massage chairs and chatted while our kids played. That’s literally all that happened and in talking to them, while they were nice and friendly, I just didn’t connect with them. And because of my past, my walls are already pretty high and thick and most guys just assume it’s because my late husband was abusive, which- he wasn’t, but they just assume I’m more trouble than I’m worth and leave me alone in peace which is all I can ask for from them.” You explained. 

“Although. There was a third guy that I’m pretty sure he found out about my financial past mid date because we were out to dinner, everything was going ok, the kids are getting along and him and I are having the ‘expectations’ talk about what we’re looking for a in a partner, what we’re not looking for, what our turn offs are and the more I talk I can see it in his eyes that he’s losing interest because he walked into the date thinking he can just move right on in, instant perfect family, his partner would have “a little hobby side business”,” You waived off dismissively, scrunching your nose as your tone grew sarcastically condescending which got Sakura to giggle and Noah to chuckle. “Which I get a lot, people who undervalue or underestimate it and it’s not my job to prove its validity, I let the work speak for itself, anyway- so he thought all he would have to do is go to work and provide and to hear that- that’s not exactly how things were going to work with me- he’s clearly not interested anymore and he withdraws which is fine because the more he talked, the more I didn’t like him either because if he can’t respect me and my profession, I don’t have to respect him in turn but I have manners so I stay pleasant, especially since kids are present and there’s never a reason to be rude or mean to a child. So he gets up to go to the bathroom, and he’s gone for like 30 minutes, like long enough that I start to worry he just dropped his kids off on me and ran and I’m talking to the kids trying to figure out if I need to be calling their mother to come pick them up or cramming them all into my car or what and then he comes back and it’s instantly a whole new version of him that I’m having dinner with- he comes swaggering back to the table with a bottle of the most expensive wine the Olive Gardens had and the difference in attitude, opinions and outlooks were night and day- like he had schizophrenia and I just had dinner with a different version of him and he’s all smiles and charm and talking about how all the ways he can support me in “my calling” and how ‘all he’s wanted is to be a stay at home dad and how “honorable” staying home and taking care of kids really is and taking extra care in raising and educating kids and taking care of animals is his life’s ambition’ when half an hour ago- he admitted that he never even once changed a poopy diaper and all domestic activities were what he got married for so he didn’t have to do them and that he never let his kids have indoor pets because they shed and make a mess and are more trouble than they're worth and at this point all of his kids are looking at him like he’s grown a second and third head and I put two and two together pretty quick that he got wind of my financials and he absolutely insisted he pay for everyone’s dinner when before we had agreed that we’d be paying separately and for the next week he was calling me at least three times a day trying to get another date which I always ignored his calls so he left the most ridiculous voicemails ‘how our kids really “clicked”,’ and ‘how beautiful I was’ and ‘what an amazing and accomplished woman I was’ and how he ‘needed me in his life’ and how ‘we need to hang out and go do stuff’ and even offered to take me and my family to Cedar Points for a whole weekend getaway and get a suite and so with some courage, I finally called him back and I just had to be very honest with him and tell him under no uncertain terms that none of those things were going to happen and to lose my number because I was not interested and I called him out on his behavior and point blank demanded why he had such a sudden change of heart and demanded to know why he was calling me so much and he tried to play it off but when I didn’t buy it and tried to tell him to go take a hike- he pushed back saying I owed him money for him buying me and my ‘ungrateful brats’ dinner that’s when I involved my friends with law enforcement because he got real nasty real quick and after that I took a break and that was a month and a half ago and I’ve just been doing my best to be patient and wait for the right guy with the right circumstances and the right personality and the right morals and values to come along and just...give me kindness, and sympathy, empathy and understanding and just..love me for me for me, with all my flaws and shortcomings without thinking that my bank account makes up for any of them or who won’t look at my bank account and think he’s expected to match it. Honestly I’m more scared that the right guy will take one look at my bank account and get scared off or think he’s not good enough because he’s humble or he came from a humble background like I did or think that all rich people are bad selfish people because that’s not true.” You confessed and realized that Noah wasn’t really talking but he was giving you the most interesting look. Like he was thinking very deeply about what you were saying before his phone started to ring. 

“Oh, sorry, you should get going to work, sorry if I kept you.” You apologized but he waived you off as he listened to who was on the other end of the phone and got up from the table. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a bit.” He bid them before he stopped and kissed Sakura goodbye before he, out of habit- kissed the crown of your head as he passed you before he had to pause after the fact and stood up straight as a board as Sakura giggled gleefully as your cheeks were bright kashmir sapphire blue along with your ears as you couldn’t help but giggle yourself because that was the most precious thing he could have done in that moment. 

“Uhh, sorry?” He apologized as his own cheeks were a deep midnight along with the tips of his ears. 

“Don’t apologize, it’s ok, I take it you used to do that a lot with Neena, old habits die hard, I don’t mind one bit, if anything I’m very flattered and honored, you’re good, we’re good.” You reassured him with a bright happy smile. 

“Thanks,” Noah ducked his head sheepishly before he continued on his way and ran his hand down his face. 

“Fuck.” He breathed once he got in his truck and started it and drove away. 

“Actually Zara, I wasn’t thinking of Neena at all when I kissed you, I just did it because it felt like the most normal, natural thing to do with you looking like an absolute vision sitting at my table at 5 in the morning eating pancakes with my daughter and I- and the way you are with her is all I could have ever wanted and dreamed of and I’ve also been praying to the gods for patience while I wait for the right woman with the right heart condition and the right values and morals to come along and love her and me and you’re exactly what I’ve been praying for and I’m scared shitless because you are so much more than I could have ever dreamed of and you just radiate warmth and love and Sakura already loves you and I’m hopelessly head over heels, over the moon- crazy about you and I haven’t been sleeping well because every time I close my eyes, I see your face and because of that,  I’m just constantly horny with you on my mind and I haven’t had sex with a woman since Neena and burying myself to the hilt in you is now my number 1 fantasy since I met you two days ago and I just want to kiss you every time I see you because I’m attracted to you and I can’t do that because you don’t know me even though it feels like I’ve known you for forever and this is crazy and I don’t know how this is going to work at all and I’m ready to just up and sell everything I own and follow you home like a lost puppy but I don’t know if you’ll let me and I’m stuck and the more you talk, the more I find out about you, the more I find to like and love about you and I’m in way over my head and I’m praying to the gods, every day to reveal to me the best path to take with you but I don’t know where to start.” Noah ranted to himself as he drove down to the airfield. 

Meanwhile back at Noah’s house. 

“Did your dad used to kiss your mama a lot before he left for work?” You asked Sakura. 

“Yup, and every time he left for work, she would pray to all the gods for fair winds and for him to have safe flights and return home to us.” She informed you proudly. 

“Could we do that? I feel like we should do the same, it’s a tradition we need to keep going.” You proposed as she eagerly got up and took your hand and brought you to the wall in the living room where a few stone symbols- symbolizing the gods they worshiped- hung on the wall-- you also had the same at your own house, a couple of them you recognized but you didn’t know the others. Then she got her prayer rug out from under the couch and got her mom’s old one and got it out and put in down for you to kneel on too which you did, copying her movements. 

“We always prayed in Intuck though.” She sighed. 

“Well, I don’t know any Intuck- but if you say the words first, I will do my best to repeat them, could you help me learn? Because the best way to learn something is to teach someone else and I know Intuck is a big part of your heritage and we should honor that and use it as much as we can.” You asked her as she nodded eagerly before she carefully and slowly and deliberately said the words as you did your best to repeat them exactly or as closely as you could and kept looking at her to make sure you were saying these words right. 

“You did really good! Not one mistake!” She cheered. 

“Thank you, I tried really hard. So what did we just pray for? Can you tell me in Anglo?” You asked her hopefully. 

“Yup, we prayed for Daddy to have good flights in good weather, we prayed for generous customers, we prayed for his plane to fly well and we prayed for him to come home safe.” She told you even though she purposefully left off the last thing. The last thing she had you pray for was for her daddy to come home with more love than he left with and for him to come home to find more love than he left knowing was there, it was an extra prayer her mom prayed for when her mama and her dad had disagreements that they needed to reconcile over but Sakura knew when she hugged you the first time that your hugs and her mom’s hugs were the same. She could feel how much you loved her already just from that one hug was enough to convince her that you were her mom and that her wait for one was over and with you already showing respect to her mama and her mama’s memory and her mother’s native language and culture told her that you were a respectful person who wouldn’t try to change her and her culture, that you would be embracing it with her and she knew that the gods sent you all the way from the Great Lakes, just to be with her. She didn’t know if she would be moving in with you or if you and your family would be moving in with her, but she was going to love having siblings. She felt like looking at you was the same as looking at a new story book, one she didn’t know the story in it yet, but could tell from the pictures that it would be her new favorite and that it would be a happy story and one with the best ending where everyone lived happily ever after. 

“Will I offend you or the gods if I continued to pray my own prayers but in Anglo?” You asked respectfully.

“Nope, the gods listen to all those who genuinely and honestly pray to them, no matter their language.” She insisted. 

“I was taught the same. Ok, do you mind if I pray out loud or should I keep my prayers to myself?” You asked her as she got back on her little prayer mat before you sat down cross legged on yours since your lower legs were killing you sitting on them and you always prayed sitting down cross legged.

“Please pray out loud, I want to hear how you pray.” She answered excitedly. 

“Come here Honey,” You invited her before she happily got into your lap and sat in it and settled against you as you wrapped your arms around her and placed your palms together but upturned.

“Why do you have your hands turned up?” She asked. 

“So that the gods can take all my troubles and anxieties, all my hurt, all my sorrow and pain and give me instead- happiness, peace, serenity, calm and answers to the problems or they can provide the answers themselves and if I’m lost, they can take my hands and lead me to where I need to go and place me where I need to be. So that I can enjoy the day and every moment in the day without my joy and happiness stolen by worry and anxiety or anger. To love and appreciate the people around me and that friends and family who will love me and care for me as much as I love and care for them.” You answered before she did the same, her little hands upturned between your own as you watched as she closed her eyes with a serene smile on her face which brought a bright, appreciative smile to your own before you closed your eyes and took a cleansing breath and addressed not just your own gods but the ones who you had just been introduced to as well. 

“Please oh gods of the heavens above, in the earth with me and in the depths of the sea-, hear my prayer. Please help me to help Sakura and her father Noatak with their troubles, no matter the kind. Help me guide them to the best and most successful path. Help me keep in mind what is best for both Sakura and Noatak and help all my words to be used with grace, kindness, gentleness, wisdom and respect. Please let there be no mistaking my words and intentions. Help me ease their pain and discomfort so that they can embrace the present and enjoy their future while not abandoning the past, but to honor it and those in it. Please grant Sakura, Noatak and my family and myself peace and serenity to accept the things we can not change and should not change, but courage to change the things we can and that need to be changed and to face what we need to face with bravery, perseverance and patience and the wisdom to distinguish between what we can not change and what we can. But to walk with our eyes towards all of you, please direct my steps so that I continue to walk the path you’ve set before me and help me guide others on their paths so that we all can have happiness, peace, meaning, purpose and fulfillment and if at all possible, success. Amen.” You prayed. 

“Amen.” Sakura mirrored emphatically as you noticed the dogs were laying down around you as you curled your hands around hers and squeezed them as she squeezed back and smiled adoringly up at you. 

“That was a really good prayer. I liked it.” Sakura praised. 

“Thank you.” You grinned. 

“So, your Daddy told me that you guys have horses,” you began. 

“We do! We should go feed them breakfast, Daddy forgot to do that before he left!” Sakura realized before you got up and got your jacket on and got Sakura bundled up before she led you to the back where a barn was and horses were sleeping in their stalls but awoke once you opened the barn door as the dogs came trotting into the barn with you before Sakura walked you through what Noah usually did when he cared for them as you happily followed her instructions and even took extra care to brush them, clean out their feet and check them over the way you did with your own horses before you walked them out to the pasture so you could muck out their stalls and tidy things up a bit before your phone rang. 

“Well hello, I take it you’re up in the air.” You mused since you could hear the plane running in the background. 

“Yeah, I was just calling to check in.” Noah said, feeling like an idiot, you were a mom, he knew he could trust you to take care of his child but he was more anxious to know how you were faring, if Sakura was behaving for you and he was desperate for reassurance that everything was ok because he couldn’t ignore the urge to call. 

“We’re doing great. Here, it’s your Daddy,” you offered the phone to Sakura as you continued to muck out the stalls. 

“Daddy! Paradise and I prayed for you in Intuck just like Mama and I used to and the way Nana and I still do and Paradise did so good! She got all the words right and she’s having me teach her Intuck because she says the best way for me to learn and remember it is to teach someone else and it’s true! Then she showed me how she prayed and I got to sit in her lap and pray with her and it was just as nice and now we’re taking care of the horses because you forgot to before you left and she says she has horses too and she’s mucking out their stalls and even cleaned out their feet and brushed them even though it was kind of hard because all they wanted to do was hug her the way they used to hug mom and the dogs are being really good too.” Sakura babbled excitedly as she sat on a bale of hay and talked with her Dad on your phone. 

Meanwhile Noah was scrunching his face because he knew he had forgotten something this morning. 

“Well tell her I said thank you very much for helping me with the horses, I really appreciate it.” He urged her. 

“My Daddy says ‘thank you for helping him and he appreciates it’,” Sakura repeated. 

“Tell him it’s no problem at all, I’m happy to do it but tell him that the blue roan will need a trim soon.” You answered. 

“She said Kabluey needs a trim.” Sakura repeated as you busted out laughing. 

“What’s so funny?” Sakura asked. 

“Kabluey is the name of a variety of blueberries. I grow kablueys at home. I think Kabluey is an amazing name for a blue roan.” You explained.  

“Well hopefully I’ll be able to do it when I get home.” Noah answered. 

“He said he’ll do it when he gets home.” Sakura said. 

“I didn’t realize your Daddy was also a ferrier.” You appraised appreciatively as you imagined what Noah would look like on your farm in a tight pair of jeans bent over trimming your own horses feet, preferably with his shirt off and maybe a shimmering sheen of sweat on him that you could help him shower off. 

Focus Zara. Horse stall. 

“So can Paradise and I go riding later? Please?”  She asked hopefully. 

“If he trusts me to take you on a ride, then I’ll happily do so but if he’s not comfortable with that, then don’t beg him and try to push him when he’s not ready.” You insisted as Noah just smiled wide into the phone as any stress he was feeling melted away. 

“Sweetie, give the phone to Paradise.” He urged her. 

“Yes?” you answered. 

“You have my permission to do whatever you want to do. I trust you completely.” Noah insisted. 

“You sure?” You questioned. 

“Absolutely. You girls have fun today, do whatever you want to do.”  Noah urged you and you both heard and felt his genuineness and earnestness in that. 

“Ok.” You agreed. “Is there anything in particular you want us to do today? Laundry, dishes? Not burn the house down?” You asked and Noah barked an amused laugh. 

“Yeah, just that last one.” Noah.

“Dinner?” You asked hopefully.

“Only if you want to, this is your vacation after all.” Noah tried to dissuade you but his tone was incredibly weak because honestly food from you would be food from the gods at this point. 

“Oh I definitely want to.” You firmly resolved. Oh you were going to woo him with food damn it. 

“Well honestly there’s some grocery shopping I need to do, there should be a list on the fridge, if you go, keep your receipts and I’ll pay you back for whatever.” Noah revealed. 

“Is there a budget you want me to try to keep?” You asked thoughtfully. 

“Well that’s the thing, grocery shopping is really expensive up here, it’s gonna be about a hundred dollars.” He warned you. 

“Yeah that’s not going to be a problem.” You reassured him. Oh you were going to hook him up. 

“Any food allergies I should be aware of? Nuts? Dairy?” You asked. 

“Nope. Although if you can find a way to make vegetables slightly more appealing to Sakura I’ll be forever grateful.” Noah hinted. 

“Awesome, and between what times should we expect you home? Like between 6-7 or 7-8?” You asked.

“Honestly I don’t know at this point, right now it looks like I’ll be home by 5-5:30 but that could change several times between now and then, but I shouldn’t be home any later than 8.” He mused. 

“Ok, do you have any preferences or any foods that you’re not allergic to but you’d rather eat cardboard than eat it? Like mushrooms? Peppers? Broccoli?” You began to list off. 

“Ok, I’ll level with you, Sakura isn’t the only one who doesn’t like her vegetables, and I feel like the reason for that is because I’m not particularly good at making them.” He confessed which got  you to laugh. 

“I appreciate your honesty. None of us are perfect. Are we usually meat and potatoes kind of people?” You gently teased. 

“Yup.” Noah nodded. 

“Ok, I’ll see what I can do, keep me posted Babe.” You offered before you slapped your hand over your mouth as Sakura cackled with glee. Her prayers were working already! And the sound of Noah laughing told you that he was at least amused. 

“Habit?” He asked. 

“Yup.” You lied because that was easier than fessing up that you were falling helplessly, hopelessly head over heels for him. You were fucked. 

“It’s ok, we’re ok, you’re good.” Noah reassured you. 

“Thank you, see you at home later. Fly safe.” You urged him. 

“Will do, see you later, bye.” Noah bid you and felt twice as high as he was. You called him a pet name. He didn’t care if it was on accident, that was heavenly. Today was going to be a great day. 

Once you were done in the barn you had Sakura come back into the house so you could clean up from breakfast and get a look at that grocery list before there was a scratch at the window and you saw a massive thunder cat at the kitchen window before it meowed at you as it looked expectantly at you. 

“Is..this cat yours?” You asked before Sakura eagerly rushed to the back porch where a trio of cats were from having gotten out of the house when Noah and Sakura had initially been in the porch waiting for you this morning. One of them was clearly a thunder cat, the others, were two of the biggest tom cats you’ve ever seen in your life and all three eagerly came into the house and rubbed against Sakura before all three came over to check you out before the thunder cat outright climbed you like a tree. 

“Claws,” you whimpered as you braced against the counter before it happily got to your shoulder to look you over and sniff you before it started rubbing it’s face on your face. 

“Well hello to you too.” You greeted happily before it outright laid down over your shoulders. 

“Comfy there?” You gently teased as you scratched his ears as it started to purr very loudly in your ears before you continued to have Sakura go through the cupboards and showed you and told you what they had food wise as you made your own grocery list as you went through the freezer and fridge to see what he had and what he needed as recipes started popping like fireworks in your head of what you wanted to cook as you made notes of what dishes he had and what you wanted in each dish. You wanted to go all out. Not just the classics and tried and true but take a leap of faith on something else as you suddenly realized- your second trunk. YES. 

Whenever you traveled you packed one set in one thing and another set in something else. Just in case either the airline, the cruise ship or whatever lost a piece of luggage, you weren’t screwed. You had packed two sets of spices and other staple ingredients. And both cases made it. In fact, not a piece of luggage had gone missing. You were going to try to sneak it in with the clan’s gift of seeds. Now- you were going give it to Noah and you couldn’t imagine a more deserving recipient or a more appreciative one. Then you went though the rest of the house, hunting to see if he needed laundry supplies or other cleaning supplies and jot those down. 

Passing by Noah’s bedroom, you practically stopped in your tracks as your nose led you to turn your head as you sniffed in a deep lungful. His scent was so strong and so alluring there and it made your mouth water. You noticed some laundry and got a basket and gathered it before you picked up a pair of socks by the bed and upon picking up both socks- they squished in your hand and you did your best to stifle your laughter and one sniff confirmed your suspicion. It felt really “fresh”, maybe from last night or early this morning and really big loads in both socks. Your ego hoped that it was thanks to you. And even if it wasn’t, maybe tonight it might be. 

Normally such a thought would annoy you or even disgust you. But with Noah? Nope. Quite the opposite. Part of you wanted to turn him on and light his fire so to speak and the thought of running him dry was a brand new fantasy for you and felt more like a mission than anything. You weren’t ashamed to admit it. You wanted him. And in this moment, badly. 

You had your work cut out for you.

You did your best to tidy as you went through the house. Not that it was terribly dirty or unkempt. Just a little cluttered here and there, some dusting was in order though. You could tell that he was in the middle of his busy season, you knew that sometimes things got forgotten or not done perhaps as often as they should when you were at your busiest. You were going to help him catch up and you had all day to do it. 

You noticed he really only had the bare essentials as far as cleaning supplies and you wondered if that was because that was all he could afford. 

Honestly, it was because of his patience and good will that you were able to make as much money as you did the day you met him and at this point, it was extra money you had not anticipated making or having in your budget for this trip and you had the very strong urge to pamper and spoil Noah and Sakura with it. All you needed was Taylor and her van. Besides she seemed keen on the match herself and you were sure she would help you and you were making your to do lists and shopping lists by the time she got there at 9. 

“Good morning.” You greeted her cheerfully. 

“Good morning,” She greeted you back sleepily. 

“So, I need the biggest of favors.” You began and your eager eyes and mischievous smile had her mirroring your expression. 

“What do you need and why?” She asked as she sidled up next to you. 

“Ok so Noah needs a few things from the store and a little bit of housework here and there and he said I could make him dinner for when he gets home tonight.” You began. 

“And?” She prodded as her grin grew into a full blown smile. 

“Want to get a breath of fresh air?” You hinted as the kids were playing in the living room with the cats and the dogs before you and her stepped out of the sliding glass door in the back so you could keep an eye on the kids but keep some level privacy. 

“Ok, so uh, stop me if I sound completely insane, but I really like Noah and Sakura and I don’t know what it is about them but I’m drawn to both of them. Like holding Sakura is like holding my own daughter and it’s like I’ve known them my whole life and we’re just the best and oldest of friends and I have the overwhelming urge to just...take care of them.” You confessed and Taylor was practically vibrating with joy. This was a great start. Things could grow and flourish from here. She just needed to give you the right encouragement. 

“You are not crazy or insane for feeling that way, especially about Noah and Sakura. No one is more worthy or deserving of whatever help you can give them. And I know Noah will appreciate even the smallest or simplest of things you can give or even do for him.” Taylor nodded her agreement. 

“Well Noah did tell me that he trusted me completely and that I can do whatever I wanted with Sakura today. So, that being said. I need to go back to your house to get my second trunk. Because that first one had all the spices and seeds in it? I had two just in case one didn’t make it. And I wasn’t sure what to do with the second and coming here and seeing how bare Noah’s kitchen really is…” You began. 

“Oh definitely. Up here there’s a belief of The Gods’ Will. Sometimes we’re moved to do or say things that may not make a ton of sense to us in the moment. But end up fulfilling the prayers of others. I know Noah and Sakura have been praying for help for a year and a half. And last year Noah and Sakura were ok because Neena’s death was still fresh in everyone’s minds and everyone helped them out but this year- it’s like most of them forgot all about them and poor Noah is grappling with how to fulfill both roles by himself and he’s just plain overwhelmed and this year he’s picking up every job he can just trying to make ends meet and some of his customers that he used to really depend on are trying to cut corners by hiring newer pilots who are less experienced with smaller planes that are cheaper to run and so far the weather has been really good so the other pilots have been able to do his job better and instead of doing several jobs at once, these places can afford to send out five individual pilots with single loads to a single destination quicker, like truckers and these other pilots can afford to all share an apartment together because they’re all single guys with no dependants and can pool resources while Noah is all by himself and has not just his own mouth to feed but Sakura and his animals in addition to his own aging parents and Neena’s aging parents because Neena’s other siblings haven’t moved back to help out Neena’s parents too but he can’t afford to lower his prices to try to compete or else he would actually lose money instead of make it and some of his customers are becoming difficult to deal with and he’s left between a rock and a hard place and in the meantime Sakura needs to go to school this year and that’s a challenge in itself.” Taylor explained. 

“Has Noah tried to move on romantically since he lost Neena?” You asked thoughtfully. 

“No. Neena was practically a saint and most women around here feel they can’t measure up to her which isn’t fair to anyone. She wasn’t perfect but she was a really wonderful person. But I know he’s really lonely and he’s been praying for the right woman with the right heart condition who will recognize his situation and treat him and Sakura with love and kindness. And I’m thinking if you instantly feel like helping them upon meeting them even if you don’t know them very well and especially if you have the means and the drive to- that you’re most likely the answer to their prayers.” Taylor revealed. 

“And if I just to happen to uh, coincidentally, find Noah incredibly, irresistably attractive and want to woo him by making him a feast and getting his house in perfect running order? And maybe even run him dry or at least raw?” You asked with a wince but a bright bashful smile none the less. 

“Yyeeaass!” Taylor practically screamed in a bright cheer before she accidentally spilled some of her coffee. “Oh shit, can’t spill the coffee, it’s precious coffee.” Taylor murmured before she eagerly sipped more of it before she put it down and hugged you and practically jumped up and down on the porch with you. 

“Ok, tell me how I can help.” She beamed. 

You had her take you and Sakura back to her house where you grabbed not only your other crate but also a few other things and then once unloaded those things into Noah’s house and you took your lists and she drove you to the best big box club store in the area that would have everything you wanted even if it was a two hour drive away. You got two flatbed carts and Sakura, Jamie and Matt all sat one one that Taylor pushed around as Katie happily helped you with yours as you happily started to strategically loaded up what you wanted and needed, not caring in the least what it would cost because you had a budget of a few grand and it made you so happy and gave you so much satisfaction to be doing this for Noah and Sakura and with some sweet talking to the head butcher, he gave you one hell of a deal on a ton of meat as you also got some junk food for the kids to keep them happy and had lunch there at the place, having got two rotisserie chickens and by a miracle, you managed to squeeze it all back into the van as the kids were happily holding their new junk food in exchange to being a little cramped with other stuff packed in around them before they quickly fell asleep and took a nap on the way back as you spent the whole two hours back working out a schedule of what to do when so that right about 6- the house could be clean and a feast would be ready and once back at the house you put the plan into action and with Taylor keeping the kids busy with a movie, she helped you as much as she could as she also wrote down your recipes as you cooked them since you knew them by heart and showed her what you were doing as you did it so she could replicate it and right at 4:30, she took her kids home to make dinner for her own family since she was going to be using the same recipes you were since all the food you would be making was already in motion which left you to portion out the remainder of the meat. 

By 5 you got the call that Noah would be another hour away from coming home and you knew it was then to start cooking the steaks and start the risotto since risotto was a very labor intensive process which would take the remainder of your attention as you and Sakura danced in the kitchen to music on your little portable speaker as you taught her how you danced and you were so caught up in dancing and grooving in the kitchen- you didn’t hear Noah come in the door as his nose practically went nuts. He had never smelled food like this before and it smelled better than anything he had ever smelled before. It made his stomach growl loudly which finally alerted you and Sakura to his presence. 

“Daddy!” Sakura cheered as she ran over and leaped into his arms. 

“Hey Kiddo, how was your day?” He asked her as he picked her up and carried her over to the kitchen. 

“It was awesome! We had so much fun!” Sakura fawned. 

“Did you go riding?” He asked. 

“We didn’t have time, we went shopping and we did something called “being domestic” which was really just chores but she made it into a game, she bought these really cool cloths that pick up all kinds of dust and she had me dust everything I could reach with my stool so that I can help you keep our castle clean.” Sakura beamed as she showed him the dusting cloth. 

“Castle?” Noah repeated, with amusement. 

“Castle law- every man’s home is his castle.” You supplied as Noah ‘oh’ed’ in understanding. 

“And she agrees that our castle is very grand in it’s own way. It may not be as big as others but it’s ours and we need to take care of it so it can protect us.” Sakura beamed. 

“I agree.” Noah nodded. “So...how far over budget did we go?” Noah asked with a bit of a nervous laugh. 

“I didn’t go over my budget, don’t worry about it, just sit down and eat. That’s all I want from you right now.” You urged as you took out the steaks from the oven and Noah made a whimpering keen when he saw them. 

“Oh I’m in trouble, so much trouble.” Noah murmured in awe as he shook his head as he just watched in awed wonder as you seamed to pull a feast out of his kitchen, he didn’t think his kitchen was big enough for half of this. He was not worthy. 

“Trouble of what?” You asked curiously. 

‘Of falling in hopelessly in love with you’. Noah’s mind was begging his mouth to say. 

“I...I’m in over my head. I have no idea how I’m...gonna pay you back for any of this.” Noah admitted. 

“Hey, Noah, look at me.” You reached out and framed his face in your hands and you had the overwhelming urge to kiss him but you knew it would probably be inappropriate and he may not appreciate that, yet anyway. 

“Do not cheapen my gifts by trying to put a monetary value to them or feel that you have to repay anything. Everything I’ve done and given was given freely and and with immense pride and joy. Do we owe the gods for when they answer our prayers and bless us? Do you think they keep a tally? No. So don’t start a tally with me, I give to you because I know you’ll be appreciative and you’re more than deserving and worthy. Please do me the honor of accepting these gifts with grace and happiness, that’s all that I ask and all that I want.” You insisted before he just lifted his own hands to hold your own face before he kissed your forehead and hugged you which you happily returned as his words of muffled thanks were music to your ears and this big hug from his was all you could fantasize about as his affection was practically making you love drunk and so unbelievably happy as you once again had that overwhelming sensation that you were at home in his arms. A new home, this one filled with so much more love than your last and it wasn’t until the dogs tried to nose their way between you that you finally let go of each other. 

“Now let’s eat before it gets cold.” You urged before you handed him the largest plate as you quickly got Sakura her own plate. 

“So what do we have?” Noah asked eagerly. 

“Ok, so what we have is bacon sauteed brussel sprouts with maple syrup and goat cheese. We have broccolini with cheddar cheese those are my two- “healthy” vegetable dishes. From there we have loaded twice baked potatoes, liquor yams, but all the alcohol should have baked off so it’s safe for Sakura to eat them, she won’t get drunk or anything. Then we have death by cheese mac and cheese, mushroom risotto with extra sauteed mushrooms to go over your steaks and dinner rolls. The only rule I have is you are not allowed to put ketchup on my steaks. I bought steak sauce and brought homemade hot sauce.” You revealed as you pointed everything out and the only thing Noah wanted to devour more than the food was you but he didn’t have the nerve or the courage just yet as he just stood there and stared at the feast as his eyes just got a little watery. 

“Could you um, like pinch me because I am not sure if I’m dreaming or halucinating. Because this is bordering on too good to be true.” He teased you. 

“It’s very much real, but if you insist on a pinch...” You playfully reached over and pinched his butt as he recoiled only slightly but started laughing as his sleep deprived brain was about to short circuit because he was on the edge of being overstimulated. Like a pet diving into a pool of new toys, wanting to play with all of them at the same time and can’t decide which one to go for first. 

“Eat, eat!” You urged him. 

“You slaved for the meal, you go first, women and children first right?” He urged you. 

“How chivalrous,” you flattered before you got yourself a good portion and sat down at the table before you opened your little jar of hot sauce for your steak. 

“Hot sauce?” You offered as you sucked on the tip of your thumb as Noah seemed to fixate on your mouth before he swallowed hard before he tore his eyes away from your mouth to take the jar and found a tiny spot on his already heaping plate for it. 

“It’s best on the mac and cheese though, like buffalo chicken dip but without the chicken.” You hinted. 

“Prayer Daddy.” Sakura urged him before he could eat before you happily reached out and took Sakura’s hand and offered your hand to Noah who happily took it and held it as he tried not to let the touch completely blank his mind as he noticed your eyes were closed and the most beautiful, serene smile was on your lips as you held his hand and you were even more of a vision now than you were this morning. He closed his eyes and addressed all of his gods. In his prayer he thanked the gods for the pleasure of your presence and prayed that whatever blessings you gave and whatever you spent to make those blessings happen, returned to you a hundred fold and that whatever you did or would ever do would find success and you did your best to wipe away your tears as quickly as you could once he said amen. Andy had never prayed about you like that and it meant the world to you. 

Noah tried his best not to moan, or cry. He tried, and he failed. 

“So, I have to say, this is the best food I have ever put in my mouth. It’s like...the gods either prepared this food or this food was prepared for them, and I don’t know if I’m worthy as a mortal to eat it.” Noah teasingly praised and you beamed happily. 

“Thank you. Welcome to Zara’s greatest hits food wise.” You gestured to the food. “For all the holidays, it’s always my dad, my brother in law Jake and myself who are in charge of the food. My dad is in charge of the smoker, so he smokes all the wings, the salmon, all the ribs and brisket and pulled pork and stuff. Obviously these are my specialties. Although my turkeys usually make my sisters cry. Jake, believe it or not is the king of casseroles and one pan and one dish dinners, like paella and all things seafood. While Anya and Tasha are on drink duty because Anya’s a professional bartender. And when it’s not holidays it’s superbowl, or it’s championships. Any excuse to get together and eat.” You explained. 

“So what did your family think of Andy?” Noah asked. 

“They got along really well, Andy was really quiet and shy at first and he was incredibly introverted. But he was also a really big guy, not quite as big as you but close and solid and he had resting…” You paused as you tried to think of the appropriate substitute. 

“Jerk face?” Noah supplied. 

“Yeah, jerk face. He couldn’t help it, that was just his face. But once he warmed up to you- oh man, you had to have a sharp wit to keep up with him and he could just deliver line after line and he could verbally roast anyone. Which at first is very entertaining and fun and my brother and my dad thought it was awesome because Andy was very much just one of the guys. But being married to that, it’s exhausting and hurtful and he had a really hard time turning the sarcasm off and he forgot to filter himself most of the time and when I would inevitably get my feelings hurt his mother would chastise me for being too thin skinned and that if ‘a Kingsley wasn’t making fun of you- they didn’t like you’ and Andy only ever had brothers. No sisters. But because he was so big and so mean looking, I could go anywhere I wanted with him and no one messed with me because they took one look at Mr. Big Scary Giant and thought twice about trying to spit game and Andy was incredibly strong and he only ever got into one fight when he was a kid and he put the guy into the hospital but Andy used that to his advantage he was a very intimidating person and one lip curl or a crack of his neck and knuckles and low growl and it was enough to unnerve anyone. Otherwise he was a great earner and provider financial and materially, he just had to be reminded often to be kind and nice.” 

“But the price of all that was you were married to a sarcastic jerk.” Noah realized in disgust as you nodded. 

“Yup, which is why I look at his life insurance policy money as money earned for being married to him so long, I know that sounds incredibly horrible and shallow but it’s the truth. Which is why when and if I get married again- how much money they make means very little to me and I don’t care about what they do as long as they like what they do because life is too short to slave away in a job you hate with people you despise. Personality is everything to me now. I got enough financially so that I’m set for the rest of my life. Now I just want to share my life with someone who makes me happy mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and of course the other kind that shouldn’t be talked about in polite company.” You specified with a mischievous grin which made Noah smile wide as he nodded and forced his mouth shut because he was about to volunteer himself, even though he was sleep deprived and exhausted, he felt he could push himself to really love you right. At least give his tongue a good work out. Because if you have the cooking skills of a goddess, by the gods, he was going to worship you like one.

Then you looked over at Sakura who was shoveling food in her mouth. 

“Hey, hey, hey, slow down, the food’s not gonna disappear when you close your eyes, if you eat too much too fast you’ll get a stomach ache, do you want to throw everything up?” You asked her which made her pause. 

“I’m not taking any of this food home with me, it’s all staying here. I made enough that you should have two dinners and a couple of lunches. And it all keeps in the fridge and microwaves pretty good.” You reassured her before she finally slowed down. 

“It’s hard for me not to inhale it all too Baby,” Noah reassured his daughter with an understanding smile. 

Once dinner was eaten, Noah happily helped you put the left overs away and got started on washing the bigger pots and pans that wouldn’t fit in the dishwasher and he was never sexier to you. Just to see this fine specimen of a man standing in front of a sink scrubbing pots. You were ready to suck him dry in the kitchen as you tried to stomp that down because he probably wouldn’t appreciate that or would be keen on letting you around his daughter again. He was a sensible, reasonable man and he may not be ready for that yet and he may not be interested romantically in you either and while you knew you were meant to be here to help. You didn’t feel you were meant to come and stay forever. You wanted him to be sure but you didn’t know how moving forward this could possibly work. You didn’t want to do him the injustice of a one night stand. You wanted more with him than just a night or two of casual sex. So in order for you to hopefully enjoy more in the future, you could deal with enjoying less in the moment. You wanted to build more. You still had a week up here, you had a little bit of time. 

“So how long will you need to get your own appointments done?” Noah asked. 

“Give me a day, I can get them all done tomorrow then I can be all yours the day after, I take it you’ll need more help with the bigger loads?” You guessed as Noah nodded. 

“Honestly more of my most difficult customers.” Noah confessed. 

“How are they difficult?” You asked thoughtfully as you helped him dry the dishes and put them away. 

“Well only because I have a bigger plane and there’s some things that won’t fit in a normal bush plane. Otherwise they’ve used the newer pilots who are less expensive and don’t have the overhead or dependants I do that can do it cheaper than I can. In fact there’s a few of them who all room together on the other side of town. But I can’t lower my own prices any lower because if I do, I’ll lose money instead of making it.” Noah explained. Normally he wouldn’t be comfortable breathing anything this personal or private to anyone. But he felt comfortable confiding in you. 

“How old are the other pilots?” You asked. 

“Psh, barely adults, they’re like walking disasters, I’ve seen them try to do flips in the air with cargo on board and they don’t show any respect for anything. They think it’s all fun and games.” Noah griped and you felt rage lick up your spine. 

“Well it does make business sense to try to undercut what you can and take chances on the less reliable if it saves your bottom line in the moment. But when you do that- you risk the quick easy fix costing you quite a bit in the future. Especially when the new easy fix isn’t reliable and catastrophic failure is always a thing you have to contend with- with anything. When I have new clients as they look at how much my own fees are and the numbers give them pause. My usual go-to is to remind them that they get what they pay for and it’s my experience and my specialities that recommend me. When we go to the hospital, do we want an inexperienced surgeon operating on us? Who’s trying to get their start in their career by slashing prices to get new clients? No. Hell no. We want the older more experienced surgeon with thousands of operations under their belt, who has kept up with their continuing education and has prided themselves on staying on the cutting edge because it’s our lives on the line. That’s why I used your services at first was because you had the most experience and you were the greatest professional that could be recommended and that’s why you’re worth your fees. Because it’s not just your own livelihood on the line, it’s your family’s and it’s your clients livelihoods too. You’re a serious and respectful professional. They aren’t. I think it’s only a matter of time before your clients get burned by using young and stupid. Because honestly, if they fail, it’s no big deal, they don’t have families that will go hungry, you do. Are these other pilot’s- locals, natives or outlanders?” You asked. 

“They’re all outlanders,” Noah answered. 

“And your clients?” You inquired as you tilted your head. 

“Locals and natives.” Noah answered. 

“Can you do me a favor?” You asked. 

“Anything.” Noah answered. 

“Write down the names of your difficult clients for me. Whenever I have issues especially with clients, especially tight fisted, cheapskate ones or ones that have problems out of my control that they’re somehow making me responsible for, I pray for them to come to their senses or simply have sense and reason. And if you could write down the names of the other pilots, I would also like to pray for them too.” 

“You’re not going to curse them are you?” Noah teased as he did as you asked of him after he dried off his hands after finishing the dishes. 

“No, I pray for my own competitors, because honestly there are some clients that are more trouble to keep than they’re worth and so I send them to my own competitors to deal with and I pray that those clients stay with them instead of coming back to me when they find out that I’m better than they are. Some clients are always about getting as much out of you as they can for as cheap as they can and I put as much distance between me and them as I can so that I will have the free space for the clients who will appreciate my quality and feel that I’m worth the investment. Instead of a “stupid splurge” that others think I am. So maybe these other clients that you’ve lost, you’re better off without them and now you’re free to take on new clients, clients who will appreciate you and not undercut you but build you up and hopefully pay better than the ones you lost ever paid you. Besides, if push comes to shove and your business goes belly up, I mean heaven forbid and knock on wood...” You quickly knocked on the countertops as he did too. “I have all kinds of connections with the air force base that’s half an hour away from me and there’s a local international airport that’s forty minutes away and there’s air fields all over, I’m sure there’s still all kinds of opportunities for you as a pilot anywhere you go, you could even be a private jet pilot if you really wanted to.” You mused as Noah considered those options. 

“But that’s neither here nor there and that’s puting like...7, 8, maybe even 9 carriages before our horses so don’t worry about it. Sometimes all we can do is pray and leave things in the god’s hands and trust that it’ll be ok.” You reassured him. “And I have a feeling everything will be just fine.” You added with a serene smile before you just enveloped him in a hug which he happily returned and he could have died happily right there in his kitchen and holding you, he felt the rest of his stress and anxiety completely leave him and if you were a goddess in the kitchen, you were an ethereal deity in his arms. Your touch was grounding yet uplifting all the same and you smelled amazing and he just wanted to lose himself in you. 

“Paradise? Could you give me a bath please?” Sakura asked which reluctantly pulled you out of Noah’s arms. 

“Sure thing Kiddo.” You agreed as you went to her and took her hand and together you went upstairs to where a large clawfoot tub was as you got her a bath, letting her use one of the bath bombs you had packed. You had again packed two sets of bath bombs and with one set with Taylor’s kids, the other set would be here for Sakura and Sakura picked one of your absolute favorites as you both watched as it dissolved, turning the water a kaleidoscope of colors as you used your special body wash to gently clean her skin as you sat on the floor next to the tub so that you could wash and rinse her hair as well as she played with her toys in the tub and once her hair was done, you got some leave in hair conditioner and detangler for her hair as you lovingly and patiently combed it all out. Sakura had such long and delicate fine white hair, like strands of silk by the time you were done with it and didn’t even notice how Noah was watching from the doorway. 

He had taken the moment of peace to finish up his paperwork for the day and just watching you be the mother you were with his daughter was practically bringing him to tears again. It was such a beautiful, heartwarming sight and if he had thought he was head over heels in love with you this morning, he was a goner for sure now. He felt incredibly whole and full after feeling so broken and hollow for so long. Something he thought impossible three days ago. But he was not about to question it. He was just grateful for it. 

Once she was cleaned up and the water was turning cold, you drained the tub and wrapped her up in a towel and helped her get ready for bed before she had you read her a story as Noah got a shower himself after rinsing out the tub of the remains of the bath bomb and since Sakura’s room was right across the hall, you got the glorious gift of seeing Noah in nothing but a towel around his waist as he walked from the bathroom to his room and seeing that big strong muscled back dripping with water, oh gods, you nearly fainted and the words out of your mouth trailed off as you realized Noah had one the best deriers you had probably ever seen in your life. He had curves that would put a back road to shame and once his door was shut that pulled you from admiring him back to Sakura’s story book but thankfully once you looked back to see if Sakura had noticed, she was thankfully out like a light. 

You closed the book and kneeled next to the bed and prayed to all the gods that she would sleep well and sleep in tomorrow to give Noah a chance to recover and you prayed for guidance in helping her and Noah and for the way to help to become evident to you and for you to recognize the opportunities and to have courage to take them when they presented themselves. 

When you were done you got up just to see Noah coming out of his room, dressed in pajamas and while you would love nothing more than to peel them off, the thought of bed and sleep did sound amazing and you were so tired, you had worked a miracle today, in cleaning the house and making a feast fit for a king and cleaning up after it too, although the cleaning up part was easy thanks to Noah’s help. 

“Well, today was awesome, thank you for welcoming me into your home, it’s beautiful.” You praised as you leaned against the wall after closing the door behind you and leaning against it. 

“It’s small and falling apart.” He admitted as he leaned against the wall across from you. Just taking in the vision of you in his hallway. 

“But it has a thousand times the love inside it than there is any mansion. A house is just a house until you put people in it, then it’s a home. And because of who is in this home means this is one of the finest ones I’ve ever been in.” You praised as you bashfully ducked your head as Noah looked like he was about to eat you alive in a very carnal way as he pushed off the wall and took a step forward before your phone rang and it was Taylor. 

“Hey, could you come get me? I’m ready to go and I’m so tired, I could fall over, please don’t make me walk back to your house.” You whined sarcastically as you couldn’t help but giggle a little and Noah reluctantly took a step back and knew that the door for him to prove to you just how much love was in his home, let alone himself, the door had closed as quickly as it opened and he missed his opportunity to prove it. All he could do is hope that it would open again the day after tomorrow. Maybe it was for the best, it would give him time to rest up and be fully energized. But he was determined. He was going to make you his one way or another before you left, if it was the last thing he would do and so begrudgingly he watched you leave as once again, the emptiness and hollow feeling crept back into him and he felt like warm light left the house once you did. 

Hell he would find a way to build you whatever kind of house you wanted, with his own two hands if he had to. 

“Why the fuck did you have me come get you when Noah is looking at you like a damn feast and he’s starving, I thought you wanted to raw him? What the fuck? Your opportunity to do that is behind you.” Taylor chastised you once you got in her minivan. 

“It’s not the right time. Noah deserves better than a one night stand or even a two nighter.” You argued. 

“Uh by my calculations it could have been a seven nighter if you got started tonight.” Taylor argued. 

“And then what? Have the best week of my life and then just...what? Walk away? No. I’m too invested emotionally with Sakura to do anything like that. I feel like if I rush the intimacy with Noah, I’ll lose the prize of having Sakura in the long run and they both deserve more attention and effort and time. And Noah and especially Sakura are a prize worth waiting for, worth fighting for worth doing whatever I can to help them and worth doing right. I don’t want to hit it and quit it.” You explained. 

“Look, I get it and that makes sense but I am telling you now, Noah looks like he’s about to hump that beam he’s leaning against and if you gave him half a chance I’m pretty sure he would have rocked the northern lights into your eyes tonight and every night from here on out, I know him, he’s not a hit and quit it person either and he’s as loyal as the summer days are long up here and when he does anything, he goes whole hog and he’s in it till the end, he’s a ride or die kind of guy. You said you were flexible and could go anywhere.” Taylor reminded you.

“...true. But again, I’ve only known him two days, would you drop everything and sell everything you own to move in with a stranger you’ve only known for two days?” You posed to her. “That’s putting a few carts ahead of the horse don’t you think?” You posed back to her. 

“Well ok, get to know him a tiny bit more and then bang his lights out and we can figure the rest out later.” Taylor compromised. 

“Ok, that’s a little more fair.” You laughed as she drove you back to her house where you promptly crashed. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #371

“some of those that work forces are the same that burn crosses”

What is one song you feel as though you sing particularly well, if any? Probably none, lol. What was the last lengthy task you completed? I love these unique questions I've had lately, but damn, are a lot of my answers "I don't know," lol. What type of photography do you enjoy looking at? Do you take any photos yourself, and if so, what types of things do you prefer to photograph? I love floral and wildlife photography. Landscapes, too, and I have a great fondness for boudoir for reasons I've mentioned in previous surveys. I like taking nature pictures, mainly. Have you ever gone out for the Black Friday shopping rush? Did you enjoy it, or not so much? Or, what’s the busiest shopping day you’ve ever experienced? Hell no, that's a hard pass. I'm sure the busiest shopping experience I've had was like at the mall or something around Christmas, idk. Do you enjoy reading diaries or stories you wrote from when you were younger, or does it embarrass you? If you’ve kept them, was there a particular reason for hanging on to them so long? NO. I DON'T. BECAUSE I CRINGE INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION. I keep a lot of it for memory's sake, but goddamn, is it always embarrassing. What would you say was your first true hobby? What about your most recently developed one? Um... the first thing I really remember is video games. I played Spyro like, a LOT, along with other childhood games. I was just really into gaming at a young age. Is there one thing that throws off your mood more than others, whether it be lack of sleep, lack of food, heat/cold, etc., and when was the last time you felt especially cranky? THE HEAT. I become so irritable. I was needlessly cranky a few days ago for whatever reason. What kinds of things are you likely to complain about? My legs hurting, more than anything. Also being hot. Do you like to put any extra effort into your food in terms of presentation, or do you prefer to just put it on a plate and eat it as it is, no frills? Ha, no. It's not gonna look fancy in my stomach, so whatever. Have you ever dated someone who had kids? No, and I very much doubt I ever would. Are there any candles in the room with you? No. Does the last person you kissed have tattoos? No, but I tell her all the time that dainty nature tattoos would be THE most beautiful on her. When was the last time someone called you pretty? I think when I last updated my Facebook profile picture. Do you like the color pink? It's my favorite! Does your cell phone have a case on it? What color? It came with this thin purple one. What was the last song you had on repeat? "Moon Baby" by Godsmack. Ever kissed someone your parents hated? No. Your most recent ex says he/she hates you, you say? I wouldn't *say* anything, I'd break down sobbing. Would you feel hurt if your last ex was in a relationship? No. Have you ever had to choose between two people? Yes: Jason and Juan. Juan and I dated for less than a day not all that long before Jason and I got together, and Juan was pretty upset. He was nooot a fan of Jason due to a shared ex-girlfriend. Jason, meanwhile, just didn't care. What is the saddest thing that has happened to you? What about the happiest? I think the saddest thing has to be my breakup, especially when you know just how madly in love I was with him and had endless trust that he would never leave, and then he was gone in a flash one night. The happiest is, in turn, my recovery from said split. I found strength in myself and felt hope for once as I learned coping mechanics and got a psychiatrist that was worth a shit in my partial hospitalization program. What was the last new drink you discovered that was delicious? *shrug* Do you have a YouTube channel? Yes. I don't make videos anymore, though. Were you happy as a teenager? God no, my depression was awful. What do you do for your mom on Mother’s Day? Sigh. Not enough. I just tell her happy Mother's Day, give her a hug, and try to be an extra good daughter. Do you know anyone who follows a raw vegan diet and lifestyle? No. Can you go see a doctor alone or do you like to take someone with you? I can do it alone (but only have once), but I like to bring my mom with me still. Would you have sex with someone of the same gender as you? I'm bi, so. Have you ever had a concussion? One or two, I can't remember. How many dresses do you own? Zero. Do you know anyone who has a pet gecko? Yeah, my friend Summer has a darling leopard gecko. I want oneeeeee. They look so damn derpy and adorable, and their chill demeanor is something I really like in pets. Would you ever go bear hunting? No. Absolutely never. Do you prefer drawing or painting? Any particular reason why? Drawing, for sure. At least you can erase stuff, and paint is just so messy. Do you like raisins? NO THANKS MAN. Do you remember your locker combinations from high school? Nope. Do you forget to flip the page of your calendar at the start of each month? I don't have a calendar. Are you racist to any race? Nope. Have you ever intentionally hurt an animal? I've given cats and dogs a small pop on the rear, but nothing more than that. I hate doing even that, but with the language barrier and all, sometimes it's the only way to get your point across. Do you own any autographed memorabilia? No. Have you ever dated a twin? No. Oreos or Chips Ahoy? Oreos. Have you ever considered being a cop? Yeah, no thank you. What’s your favorite superhero movie? Maybe Logan. I thought it was very emotional and just overall a good movie. Name somebody you know who deserves a better life than they have: MY MOM. Name something that you’re good at but don’t like: uhhhhhhhh Name something that you’re bad at but DO like: Dancing, maybe. Which is worse: Stale chips or flat soda? Stale chips, for sure. It's certainly not my preference, but I can drink flat soda. Who’s the hottest guy and hottest girl out there? M-Mark Fischbach. :') Girl... let's seeeeee... maybe Alissa White-Gluz from Arch Enemy. GodDAMN what a WOMAN. ❤_❤ Do you ever trip over your pets? Yes, because he just looooves to follow me at my feet. What’s your relationship like with your exes? Aaron, Juan, Jason, and Tyler: nonexistent. Sara and Girt: great. What was the last thing you turned down doing? Going to my nephew's t-ball game. I always feel bad when I say no when Mom asks if I wanna go... but at least the kids know I just don't handle the heat well. Are you a party animal? Faaaaar from it, my friend. Who are you the biggest fan of? m-m-m-mMARKIPLIER You’re DJ for the night - first track to get everyone going? Uhhhh maybe "Party Hard" by Andrew W.K.? Have you ever been hit on by a pushy person? I think Juan was kinda pushy, but not to an uncomfortable degree. He respected what I felt. What accent do you find attractive? Most attractive, British. But I also really like Scottish and Irish. Also French accents in women I tend to find very beautiful-sounding. Have you ever had feelings for a friend's partner? Yes. What’s your favorite thing to do that doesn’t cost much? Drive around take pictures, maybe? Let's, uh, ignore the whole gas crisis in this answer. When in danger are you more fight or flight? Flight. Do you feel self conscious about a certain body part? *gestures to entire body* Have you been accused of being manipulative? Yes. Have you ever considered violence to solve your problem? No. Are you romantic? I personally think so. If you are a smoker, how long does a pack typically last you? If you aren’t a smoker, does anybody you are close to smoke, & if so, are you against the fact that they’re a smoker? I don't smoke. To answer the next part, yes, like my dad and stepmom. I wish they would stop so badly, like it's literally going to kill them both. Do you have more subscribers or more people that you are subscribed to? On YouTube? I'm definitely subscribed to waaay more people. Is there anything that has been drilled into your brain since you were young & you finally decided to stop listening to? How did it feel once you decided to listen to yourself over what you were told? Yes: "finish your plate." Teaching your kid to eat beyond their comfort can be very destructive, and I'm glad I never stuck to that once Mom stopped enforcing it. If you are currently in a relationship, what is one thing that seems to be unique or different about your relationship with this person, compared to other relationships in general? If you are currently single, is this more of a choice or is it more just the way things are going, not really something you chose? If you are neither “single” or officially in a relationship, what are your feelings on your current situation? I'm single, and it's just how it is. I know realistically I wouldn't tell what felt like the right person no, but it really is probably better that I stay single and keep figuring my shit out. Think of somebody famous that you have a lot of respect for. What is something that you really admire them for? To name just one thing I admire in Mark, his relentless "I'm going to do this no matter what" attitude is very inspirational to me. He lets like... n-o-t-h-i-n-g get in his way. If somebody were to leave a harsh comment on a survey you took, judging you on one of your opinions, how would you react? I'd get pretty self-conscious, just because I in general take judgment quite poorly. I obsess over "what if they're right, and you're just an idiot?". Are there any other sites you use to find surveys to take? What sites do you use? I mainly use Tumblr and LiveJournal, but in times of great desperation, I'll use Bzoink and just google surveys as well, haha. Have you sent or received any friend requests on Facebook lately? Not sent, but I got one from someone I had no mutual friends with the other day. Safe to say I declined it. Can you recall the last time you turned down an offer, of any kind? Uhhhhh no. Which fruit would you say you eat the most often? Apples. What was your pet’s last vet visit concerning? Roman has been to the vet once to get neutered (and I think shots?). I took Venus many years ago because I thought she had a respiratory infection. Thank god, she didn't. Which animals do you tend to go check out first at pet stores? The reptiles, snakes in particular. Have you ever been a victim of a house fire? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever had to wait before being seated at a restaurant? Like, over an hour. Have you ever had a cavity before? How about a root canal? A tooth pulled? Braces? Cavities and braces, yes. What is your favorite zoo animal that you would like to set free? Probably polar bears. Like especially here, it gets so hot in the summer, and the poor things sometimes only have a bit of snow in the shade. Like... they can't be very happy. Especially when you see those videos of them playing in snow, and then you think about situations like our zoo here... ugh. What kinds of artifacts fascinate you? I really think old figurines built with like clay and stuff are cool. But all artifacts I find to be very intriguing. It's so interesting to see that the desire to create has always been with us as a species. Is there anyone that you’ve visited in jail? No.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Disability and Loren

@zarohk asked for my thoughts on a Disability Studies/Media Studies perspective on the disability depictions in Animorphs.  Which was foolish, because I’m teaching an entire dang class on the subject of superheroes and mental health, so I have Many Thoughts.  [PLEASE NOTE: I am nondisabled, so if I err, please tell me so.]

Loren’s role in #49: The Diversion does a lot of things right, and a lot of things wrong.  She incurs a traumatic brain injury that results in memory loss and blindness a couple of years after Tobias is born, and lives with said injury for about ten years before Tobias finds her and gives her the ability to morph, which restores her sight but not her memory.

A few places where I commend the depiction of Loren:

It gets into the massive underemployment of disabled Americans.  Loren is smart, canny, athletic, compassionate... and working a call center job in exchange for state benefits.  Said state benefits do not afford her a decent standard of living; Tobias notes that she has few possessions and almost no time for leisure activities.  Americans with disabilities are twice as likely to be unemployed as those without, and those who do have jobs are ten times more likely to be paid less than minimum wage, e.g. in sheltered workshops.

It shows how inaccessible a lot of systems are in the U.S.  Tobias notes that Loren accidentally grabs an expired quart of milk — because nothing on the label is printed in Braille.  Putting raised text and/or Braille on food packaging is a health and safety issue, one that the U.S. ignores even though it violates its own laws (e.g. the ADA) because companies tend to do what they want and “what they want” is usually not to spend more money on packaging.  The call center and bus system are both marginally more accessible, especially when Loren has Champ to help, but they’re still clearly spaces set up for sighted people that don’t take blind users into account very well.

It shows some of the workarounds that help deal with accessibility problems.  Loren’s house is set up so that there are clear paths to and from all of the relevant spaces.  She’s doing that to allow herself to move around comfortably in that space, because she’s made it accessible for herself.  She memorizes the layout of the local store, and uses that to get around as well.  All of those details help show that she’s adjusted, and actively interacting with her own circumstances.

It drives home the difference between service dogs and pets.  This distinction is extremely important, and it gets ignored all the time by entitled ableists who want to bring their pets into stores.  Tobias and Marco both assume from the outside that it can’t be that hard to become a service animal — just do what Loren says to do, right? — but it takes Tobias 0.02 seconds to realize that it’s not that simple and that he cannot imitate Champ’s lifetime of training on the fly.  He says that he manages to get his mom home in one piece, and that that’s about all that can be said for his sad performance as a guide.  Champ has skills like ignoring interesting smells and applying exactly the right amount of pressure to the harness that most pets don’t have and also most pets can’t learn.  Champ is not a pet, at least not while he’s in that harness; he’s a gainfully employed expert assistant.

It rounds Loren out as a character, and definitely does not just make her into a lesson or problem for Tobias.  Loren is gently humorous, tolerating her coworkers’ teasing and Ax’s attempted juvenile delinquency with an eye-roll.  She’s compassionate, listening to other people’s problems on the phone with genuine concern and not swatting flies if she doesn’t have to.  She’s tough-minded and stupidly brave, chucking rocks at Visser Three’s head and flying at attack helicopters as a three-pound bird.  She’s fallible, unable to support Tobias emotionally even when he asks her to do so and unwilling to check in on him after leaving him with her sister.  She’s a fully rounded person, one whose personality is informed but not defined by her disability.

It talks about some of the unromatic aspects of a Traumatic Brain Injury.  Too often in other works of fiction, we see a person get bonked over the head and wake up with no episodic memory but all other brain functions intact (*cough* Rachel in MM1 *cough*).  Loren actually gets into the fact that she forgot huge chunks of language, forgot how to brush her teeth, forgot how to walk across a room.  She obviously lost her sight as well, and she mentions lifelong balance and coordination problems.  Even her amnesia isn’t absolute — she has some traces of recall, but can’t make anything coherent of her impressions.  Her injury isn’t 100% realistic, but it’s more so than many TBIs we see in fiction.

It focuses on the intersection of disability and social class.  Tobias notes that Loren is under a compounded threat because of her inability to move to a more secure neighborhood and her obvious vulnerability.  He feels a lot of disgust with himself when he and Marco and Ax are harassing Loren, because it’s so clear that this isn’t the first time she’s been harassed.  Tobias understands that his experience with poverty as a nondisabled male minor is different from Loren’s for those reasons.

A few places where Loren falls into the common traps of implied ableism creeping into fiction, as written about in Narrative Prosthesis: 

She gets “cured.”  Loren falls into the “kill or cure” dichotomy, like most of the other disabled characters in Animorphs.  In her case, it’s that she gains the power to morph and in the process regains the ability to see.  It isn’t a complete cure, true — she still has no memory — but it means that she’s no longer blind for the rest of the series.  Having the occasional character no longer be disabled sometimes isn’t automatically problematic; having every disabled character get either “fixed” or killed off inherently treats the disabled body as a problem that needs to be solved, through sci fi nonsense if no other way is available.

She implies that she’d rather die than continue to be disabled.  When injured by dracon burns, Loren initially refuses to morph out even though Tobias tells her she’ll die if she remains a bird, because (they both assume) to morph out is to return to her blind human body.  This moment buys into the stereotype that it’s better to be dead than disabled, again inherently devaluing the lives of actual blind individuals.

There’s a certain amount of mystery around how she became disabled.  It’s interesting that we never actually get a definitive answer on that one — Loren says she was told it was a car crash, but there’s also an implication that she was attacked by controllers, and we don’t know for sure.  However, the fact of her disability is treated as an aberrant state that needs to be explained, the book inherently asking “why are you like this?”  By contrast (for instance) she doesn’t ask Tobias “why are you in the body of a hawk?”

She views herself as a burden, and the narration doesn’t do enough to contradict her.  Loren says that she couldn’t possibly be expected to raise a child while also blind and coping with a TBI.  Real blind people raise kids all the time, however, including blind single parents, and it’d be nice to see some evidence in the story that Loren’s assumption is wrong.  Loren also apparently assumes that she can’t begin to play a role in Tobias’s life even now that Tobias is more self-sufficient, again because she views herself as relatively helpless and non-contributing due to her disability.  There are some hints that she’s wrong, but we don’t really see her either begin to contribute to the resistance or build a relationship with Tobias until after she’s become un-blind.

Tobias’s view of Loren is often pitying.  As much as Loren doesn’t initially view herself as a potential maternal figure to Tobias, he doesn’t view her as a potential mentor either.  He repeatedly expresses horror or sadness at her life circumstances, and assumes that her life must be barren due to the spartan nature of her home.  (Of course, that begs the question of why the hell a blind woman living alone would ever bother hanging pictures on her walls or putting doilies on her coffee tables, but Tobias doesn’t consider that angle.)  Again, Tobias is allowed to assume that her life must be meaningless if she’s disabled, but it’d be nice to see some contradictory evidence in the form of her having close friends or inane hobbies or some other proof that to lead a disabled life is not to automatically lead a lonely one.

Loren expresses bitterness and desperate desire to be nondisabled.  Again, it’s fine for any character to say “I wish my life was different,” and it’s a common consensus among blind writers/bloggers that being blind is often a pain in the butt.  However, views as extreme as “you need vision to have a fulfilling existence” or “vision is part of what makes us human” are ableist crocks of shit.  Loren doesn’t go so far as to espouse those extreme views, but she also doesn’t seem to view herself as having a well-rounded life in spite of her disability.  It’d be nice to see Loren talking about sight as handy or enjoyable or a thing that the designers of 99% U.S. environments assume everyone must have, rather than a necessary precondition for a minimum standard of life.

Loren’s disability is somewhat medicalized.  Same caveat as above: disabilities are by definition medical things that some bodies do or have that other bodies do not.  However, discussing disability primarily through “this is how your body is different from Implied Normal of Nondisabled Body” and focusing on doctor’s notes, diagnoses, physical differences, etc. can serve to disconnect the lived experience of the individual from their body.  It also tends to focus on the ways that the body is “the problem” rather than focusing on the ways that environments and attitudes are problematic, which then prevents anyone from asking hard questions about the environments and attitudes.  Loren’s doctor’s note, discussion of scarring and loss, and repeated physical descriptions are somewhat more medical than social.  It’d be nice to see a little more emphasis on the social factors that make blindness a disability (e.g. improperly labeled milk), and less on “your eyes are different from those of Implied Normal Nondisabled Person.”