#THEY ARE WORSE TOGETHER BUT MY GOD ARE THEY HAPPIER

[diazsdimples]

Buck is going to throw up. Probably. The panic attack is barely being kept in place as he flings himself from the driver’s seat of the jeep and races up the stairs of the Diaz house.

“Maddie!” he yells, kicking his shoes to the side and throwing off his jacket. Usually he’d knock but today, it’s an emergency. His brain isn’t working, not even considering the fact that he might be waking up his 3-month-old nephew as he powers through the house calling his sister’s name. “Maddie, are you home?”

“In here!” his sister’s voice echoes down the hall, originating from the kitchen. He finds her making lunch, the baby strapped to her chest in a muslin wrap, like a little joey in his mother’s pouch.

God, she’s glowing like this. She’d had a rough start, postpartum depression rearing its head in the first few weeks, but she’s seeing a therapist, and Eddie’s managed to negotiate some time off work. She still has bad days, but on the whole, she seems happier. Lighter.

Her brow furrows as she takes in his dishevelled appearance, and her hand comes up to cup the back of the baby’s head.

“Evan? What’s going on?”

Buck does a quick scan of their surroundings – they seem to be alone in the kitchen at least, but he needs to know if they’re alone in the house. He can’t do this if there’s a chance someone will walk in and interrupt.

“I-Is Eddie home?”

“No, he’s out getting Benjamin some new diapers. Why?”

“Good, I just – you can’t tell him what I’m about to tell you. You promise?”

Maddie’s brow furrows and she rounds the kitchen island, taking Buck’s arm and leading him into the lounge. She unwraps Benjamin and carefully places him in his bassinet before turning and giving Buck her full attention.

“Are you in trouble?”

God, isn’t that the question?

“No! I mean, yes? Maybe? Probably. Eddie’s going to kill me, at least.” Buck scrubs a rough hand over his face, hoping the slight sting will clear his head a little.

“I feel like a bit of context wouldn’t go amiss here,” Maddie comments with a raised eyebrow, her arms crossed across her chest. She looks decidedly unimpressed, and honestly, Buck can’t blame her. He’d be a bit annoyed if she burst into his house, announced something was wrong, and then proceeded to be extremely cryptic about it all.

“Adriana’s pregnant,” he blurts out before his courage wanes, and holy fuck, it’s one thing to know and a whole other thing to admit out loud.

Maddie’s expression pulls into one of confusion, and Buck can practically see the cogs turning in her head as she tries to connect the dots.

“Adriana’s…. pregnant?” she repeats slowly, and he nods. He feels like he’s swallowed a ball of lead, and there’s sweat trickling down between his shoulder blades, prickling his skin. “And what does that, uh, what does that have to do with you?”

Right. This part, admittedly, will be worse to reveal. This is where the disowning and being thrown bodily from the home of his sister and his best friend will come in. Buck is regretting a lot of choices right about now.

“A-Adriana and I, we’ve – uh – we’ve been, um, sleeping together, kind of.”

Maddie’s eyebrows disappear into her hairline, and Buck slouches a little further into the couch, making himself small.

“Kind of?” Maddie echoes, incredulous. “How do you ‘kind of’ sleep with someone. Did you trip and fall into her vagina?”

“Jesus, okay it’s not kind of, we are sleeping together. And now she’s pregnant and – fucking hell Maddie, I’m so screwed. I’ve fucked up.”

His sister looks less than impressed, and that makes Buck’s stomach roil. He feels sick, so so sick that he doesn’t know what to do with it.

“And I presume that’s why you don’t want me to tell Eddie this?”

“He’ll kill me, Mads! Please, you can’t tell him. He doesn’t even know that –”

“That you fucked his sister?” Maddie cuts in.

“Hey, don’t say it like that!” Buck says, affronted. “He fucked my sister too, by the way. First!”

“He’s my husband! That’s different!”

“He wasn’t when you started!”

Maddie holds up her hands in surrender, glancing nervously at Benjamin as he stirs in his crib. His little face screws up and he lets out a tiny whine that burrows deep into Buck’s chest, igniting a dormant protective instinct that only flares up when he’s around helpless creatures.

“Give me a second.” Maddie crosses the room and lifts her son into her arms, pressing a kiss to the soft hair on his head. He squirms in her arms, shifting and stretching before eventually settling back down. With a fond smile, Maddie makes her way back to the couch and holds the baby out for Buck to take, which he willingly does.

[sennamybeloved]

i need to get over the "people hate me when i ramble" mentality so i can talk about my selfship lore more. i have so much to say about khotun and lane its ridiculous. there are so many layers to their dynamic.

[lordsardine]

.

[quietwingsinthesky]

“It’s like you kicked a big hole in the side of my life.” things even would say if they met the doctor After-

[revuestarlight]

i'm not sure how many dedicated necro girlies i can change the hearts of but i want to show off anyway

Battle Couple Battle Round 2!

Griddlehark (The Locked Tomb) VS Hikaren (Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight)

[shidoukanae]

reread the chapter w/ Lyla's last convo with Helene just to see if i can glean what's going on more and oh. Ohhh. OWWWW

so Helene fucked up her last chance to bond with her real sister, huh? and it's Helene who ultimately pushed Lyla to trade lives with the protagonist, huh?

All Helene had to do was admit she cared for Lyla and was checking up on her during the night to make sure she was okay. Instead she chose to lash out at Lyla in the hopes of convincing Lyla to run away and...well...that was a bad decision now wasn't it OTL

[goose-books]

The Ghost of Christmas Past shows up and you’re like, “Ohhhhh for fuck’s sake,” but you’re in your childhood bedroom so it’s kind of on you. The ghost seems offended. She crosses her arms. She looks like you used to, with the pigtails.

“No way,” you say. “Don’t start.”

“I am the—”

“The Ghost of Christmas Past, I know, I know.” Because she looks like you, and it’s Christmas Eve, so what else. Your parents used to read you the story every year. Even when you were old enough to read on your own, it was better in your dad’s voice.

“You came home for your parents,” the ghost says, solemn. “It’s time to tell them.”

“No, like, ‘when you’re ready’?”

“You are ready,” she says, “or you wouldn’t have come back.”

Which is so stupid, because you weren’t on the moon, you were at college, and it’s only been two months of shots, you don’t even have a mustache. “Fucking leave me alone,” you say, so she does the ghost thing and takes you to a ten-years-ago Christmas. The living room. Your parents. Your fledgling self on the carpet with your stocking, the one you can’t look at anymore because when you were a baby your parents patiently hand-stitched the fucking name.

“Maybe they’ll make you a new one,” says the ghost.

“You don’t know that.” Bullshit ghost powers.

“You were happier back then. When they knew you.”

“Everyone was happier back then. It was, like, 2008.”

“There was a recession,” says the ghost.

“Shut up! Shut up!” You turn over in bed. For a second you expect to roll onto child-self-you curled up next to you. Probably crush the life out of her. You got good at that. It’s her bed, her room, pink covers, cat posters.

“This is so stupid, this Dickens thing,” you say. “I’m not even Christian anymore.”

“Tell your parents that second,” the ghost suggests.

“Oh my fucking God I’m not telling them anything can’t you go bother Jeff Bezos.”

“I’m just doing my job,” says the ghost, and vanishes.

#

The Ghost of Christmas Present has an acne problem. As soon as you open your eyes you say, “Oh my God,” and they say, “Hi,” and you say, “You better not be the fucking Ghost of Christmas Present,” and the Ghost of Christmas Present says, “I am.”

Which you knew.

“Why me?” you say, pink comforter bunched around your waist. “I didn’t do anything. Scrooge was mean to orphans.”

The Ghost of Christmas Present shrugs. “It’s the job.”

“Are you gonna show me my parents now?”

That makes them look kind of embarrassed.

“Well, don’t,” you say. If your parents are talking in the other room, huddled up conferencing with the lights off, you can’t hear it over the heater buzz. But you can guess what they’re saying: you went to school with a shitty pixie cut and worse eyeliner, and you came back with a real haircut and a permanent frown and a bunch of new friends you play sentence Twister to avoid pronouning. “I know they’re nice people, I got it. I’m just not ready.”

“It’s just—you’re kind of waiting for them to ask?” says the Ghost of Christmas Present. They scratch their face, where they have spectral sideburns coming in. “Your dad thinks you have a head cold. ‘Cause of your voice. But your mom’s starting to get it.”

You pull the covers over your head. “Cool, awesome, didn’t ask.”

“She isn’t going to ask,” the ghost says. “She wants you to tell her.”

You stick your middle finger out from underneath the covers. When you check, the room is empty again.

#

The Ghost of Christmas Future doesn’t say anything. Just looks at you. You look back. You probably have bedhead. You fixed your daytime wardrobe but your pajamas are still lacy and purple.

“How come you’re a man?” you say.

He says, “I think you know.”

“Fucking—go away.”

“I have something to show you first.”

“Are we going to the goddamn graveyard?”

He doesn’t say anything but then you’re in the goddamn graveyard. Together. Looking at your headstone. The dates are close enough together to make you kind of sick.

“They went with the full name,” you say.

The ghost nods.

“Not even the nickname. My nice gender neutral nickname.”

The ghost shrugs. You kind of want to throw something at him but you’re just looking at it now. Chiseled in marble. Immovable. What’s that thing bigots on the internet say, about someone digging up your jawbone two hundred years from now? You always wanted to think you wouldn’t care.

The Ghost of Christmas Future’s pretty quiet. This is the part where Scrooge goes full breakdown. Tears, begging, promises.

“I’m not gonna cry on you,” you say.

“Okay.”

So neutral. “Man, what do you want me to say?”

“Nothing,” says the ghost. “I think you’re there.”

You can’t stop looking at the headstone. “God fucking damnit shit. You promise they’ll be cool?”

“Nothing’s promised,” the ghost says. He gestures at the graveyard. “Except for this.”

“Awesome.” Cryptic cliche philosophical ghost bullshit. Yada yada. Death and taxes. Not with that name on your headstone, though. Not with that name on your tax forms, either.

You turn to tell him that and then you’re blinking in bed. There’s still one glow-in-the-dark star stuck to your ceiling where the glue never wore out. You put those up like ten years ago. Maybe longer. The light in the room says it’s morning. You swing your lacy-pajama legs over the side of the bed and go to ruin Christmas.

[dumplingsjinson]

List of random dialogue prompts (pt. 3)

“Truth be told? I miss the times — the me — before I fell in love with you.” 

“You know, I can see myself in, on top of, or under you. What do you say?” “I can see you buried six feet under my very feet if you don’t stop joking about this shit with me.” 

“Was there a point when you fell out of love with me?” “There was a point when I fell in love with you, but never out.”

“When did you fall out of love with me?” “That’s the thing: I never fell out of love with you. You’re the one who fell out of love with me.”

“Right person, wrong time… What if this is the right time? We’re just the wrong people for each other.”

“You have me wrapped around your fingers. Crazy part is, I don’t mind it.” 

“Don’t forget this: I made you. I can easily break you if I wanted to.” 

“I shared pieces of me, with so many people, and none of them kept those pieces safe, and I don’t know if I can risk that with you because it would devastate me if you turn out to be the same as them all. I would be completely destroyed.” 

“Don’t give me that look.”

“You okay?” “No. I need hugs. From you. I need you to hug me.” 

“I just wanna fucking get over you so I can be okay again.” 

“Stop trying to remind me that you’re still in my life. I’m trying to not think about you, for God’s sake.”

“I wanna kiss you so badly right now but we’re in public and I know you hate public display of affection—“ “I’ll allow you to do it this time.” “Wait… Really?” 

“I make shitty decisions and you’re a testament to that matter.”

“I have things to do, and most of them include me trying not to think about you.”

“I’ve never cried because of someone, you know? I didn’t have anyone to cry over. You’re the first, and you’ll also be the last, or so God help me through this embarrassment.” 

“Breaking up with me does not mean you had to kick me off your Spotify playlist, you know? Because damn. As much as I’m upset, your list had some bangers.” 

“You don’t get to do decide my feelings for you.” 

“I’m not bitchless, you fucking dickhead. Take that back!” 

“Every little thing reminds me of you, which sucks because you’re not in my life anymore.”

“It’s kinda weird not seeing your name on my phone when I wake up. It’s gonna take me some time to get used to this.”

“I think I knew this wasn’t going to last when I realised it’s not that I trust you. It’s that I don’t care what you do, and who you might be fucking around with.”

“One text from you has me happier than a child whose mother bought them their favourite candy. It’s not okay.” 

“I don’t share my Spotify playlist with just anyone. It’s like a secret love language of mine, reserved for those I want to let in. You’re one of them, yet you’re here thinking I don’t feel the same way about you?”

“I dunno, I just… Kinda fell for you.”

“You’re the reason why I fell in love with you. You, as a whole.” 

“There are some songs that I can’t listen to anymore, because they remind me of you; of all the times we’ve had together. And it sucks because some of them are great songs. And you fucking ruined them, you asshole.”

“I’m tired of acting like I don’t care, because I do. I fucking do, and that’s what makes this even worse.” 

“One thing you should know about me is that I suck at letting go.”

“So you’re telling me I’m supposed to sit here and give a fuck? You couldn’t pay me enough to do that. I have places to be and things to do.” 

“You need to stop being such a dramatic bitch.” “It’s the only way I can entertain myself, okay? Now piss off and leave me be.” 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have let you go.”

“You deserve someone better than me—” “You don’t get to decide that for me.”

“You ever think about how good we could have been together?” “Yeah. I think about it all the time, and then I remember how badly you fumbled. So yeah, good job.”

“You’re blushing.” “I’m not.” “…Then I guess I’ll have to give you something to blush over.”

“I lost myself while trying to find the good in you.”

“I think it’s comforting that they’re somewhere out there… Even if we never speak again, you know? They were a part of my life, even if it was only for a little while. They made me feel good, even if it was only for a short amount of time.” 

“Remember when you said you’d catch me when I fell? Well, you’re a fucking liar. Figuratively and literally. Now I’m hospitalised and also emotionally scarred. I hope you’re fucking happy about that.” 

“If we break up, I’d look for you in other people and be reminded that they are not you, and that I’d never find someone like you again. And… I don’t think I can bear the thought of that.”

“I give you permission to break my heart.” “And I give you permission to end me if I ever do break your heart.” 

“I have things to do—“ “And I’m one of them.”

“You’re only saying sorry because you want to make yourself feel better, so you can go shove that sweet apology up your ass because it doesn’t mean shit. I hope you continue to feel like shit over what you did, because I’m never forgiving you.”

“I had expectations for someone I knew couldn’t meet those expectations, so that’s my fault for expecting anything from you at all.”

“You? Breaking my heart? It’s funny how you think you even have that power over me.”

“You were like a routine that I loved and it felt… comfortable. But I guess that’s not the case anymore.” 

“You fell in love with the idea of someone that wasn’t even real. You fell in love with your own projections. How are you so foolish to think that it would have worked out?”

“I’m fine. Of course I’m fine.” “Everything about this interaction is telling me you’re not fine — not even close.”

“The idea of us was perfect. Blame me for thinking it would turn out into something good and as fantastical as what I made it out to be in my head.”

“Because no matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about you and it’s about to drive me to the very brink of insanity, so if you’ll excuse me for not wanting to be near you, that would great.”

“I would not be who I am today if not for you.” 

(pt 1.) | (pt. 2)

[greengoblinswifey]

Thanks for ur answers on the dbf!rafe asks, I’m loving them sm 😍😍 ur so talented!! How do u think reader’s dad would eventually react if he found out abt rafe and reader? 😳😳 not like I would want that to happen but I’m just so curious abt what would happen, I know he’d be pissed but like how would he react specifically

a/n— you’re so messy for this and thank you for the kind words <3

You knew it was only a matter of time before your secret with Rafe came out. The stolen glances, the way he lingered just a bit too long at family gatherings, and the late night “errands” you claimed to be running together, it was all bound to unravel eventually. But you hadn’t expected it to happen like this.

Your dad’s voice thundered through the house, shaking the very walls. “You’re what with Rafe?!”

You flinched at the volume, but Rafe stood his ground beside you, calm and composed as ever. His hand rested lightly on your lower back, a silent reminder that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Dad, calm down,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady.

“Calm down?!” your dad repeated, his face heated with disbelief. “My little girl? Really, Rafe?” His gaze turned to Rafe, livid. “You’re supposed to be family, and this is what you do? You go behind my back, with my daughter?”

“Look, I understand how this looks—” Rake spoke, his tone measured but firm.

“How this looks?!” your dad barked, stepping closer to him. “This is disgusting! She’s half your age. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Dad,” you interrupted, stepping between them. “It’s not like that. He didn’t take advantage of me. I’m an adult, and I wanted this too.”

Your dad’s eyes darted to you, betrayal etched across his face. “You’re defending him? You’ve been sneaking around with my best friend, and you think I’m just going to be okay with this?”

Rafe’s jaw clenched, but he kept his tone steady. “I’m not here to cause problems. I care about her. This isn’t some fling. I’m serious about her.”

“Serious? With my daughter? You’ve known her since she was a kid, Rafe. Do you even hear yourself?” your dad said, letting out a bitter laugh.

“I know how it sounds,” Rafe admitted, his voice low. “But she’s not a kid anymore, and my feelings for her are real. I’d never hurt her.”

“Your feelings?” your dad spat. “You’re my best friend. How long has this been going on? How long have you been fucking my daughter behind my back?”

“Dad, stop!” you said, your voice shaking. “This isn’t about you. It’s about me and Rafe. I love him.”

Your dad’s expression twisted with disbelief and anger. “Love? You think this is love? He’s taking advantage of you, and you’re too blind to see it.”

“I would never take advantage of her, you know that’s not me. I care about her more than anything, and I’d do whatever it takes to prove that to you,” Rafe said as he stepped forward, his calm demeanor cracking slightly

“Prove it?” your dad snapped, his voice rising again. “You already betrayed me, Rafe. There’s no coming back from this. I should kill you.”

There was a tense silence before your dad sighed heavily, shaking his head. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“Dad,” you started softly, stepping closer to him, “I know this is hard for you, but Rafe isn’t what you’re making him out to be. He’s good to me. He makes me happier than anyone else ever has.”

Your dad looked between you and Rafe, his anger simmering under the surface. Finally, he pointed a shaking finger at Rafe. “You’d better take care of her, because if you don’t, I swear to God, I’ll make you regret it. I’ll fucking kill you.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Rafe said firmly, his gaze unwavering.

Your dad shook his head, his face a mixture of hurt and fury. “Unbelievable,” he muttered, walking out of the room.

The silence that followed was deafening. Rafe turned to you, his hand brushing against your arm. “That could’ve gone worse,” he said softly, a faint smile tugging at his lips.

You gave him a small, shaky smile. “Much worse.”

“You’re worth every risk,” he murmured, tilting your chin to his lips.

“And you’re worth every argument,” you whispered, leaning into his kiss.

[unabashednightmarepizza]

𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑊ℎ𝑦 𝑀𝑦 𝐷𝑟𝑎𝑔𝑜𝑛 𝐶𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑑...

Inspiration: this, this, this, this,

A/N: As per request, and a high demand, this is like a part of the Creator!Reader AU drabble I wrote some time ago! Though there is a mention about a gender in the end, since the Creator/God of Teyvat could change genders/ forms if wanted, I didn't see a problem with that one!

A/N: PLEASE SEND ME SOME NEUVI NEUVI FLUFF REQUESTS ( especially papa ones with melusines) I'M BEGGING! THIS ONE TOOK A HUGE TOLL ON ME LOL AND BECAUSE MY MIND ONLY WORKS FOR ANGST AND LORE THESE DAYS, I NEED A DISTRACTION-

Warnings: THIS SHIT IS LONG, LIKE VERY! Hints, not so much now, of Neuvi Neuvi being the Hydro Dragon and the Sovereign, hints of past abuse and violence but not detailed, reader being a simp in general

Part1

Ever since coming to the nation of justice, and obviusly water, you had never felt such immense comfort and safety at the mostly silent city, with water sounds mixing. After running away from almost all the nations with the exception of Sumeru, Snezhnaya, Natlan and of course Fontaine whose eyes weren't blinded by anything and rather listened to you, sheltered you and gave you friends after being on the wild all on your own...

The calm and safety you felt was weird.

After all, it wasn't you who asked to be the Creator of this game you loved dearly. You were just a simple, non-important human in your world. Going to school and work, study, try to stay alive, make food for yourself, sleep and repeat the cycle...

And suddenly, you were the "Beloved" Creator of all these characters? But they still hunted you down and there were a few who supported you?? And now you were playing with the tiny and adorable melusines by the pond while being married with the one you loved?

You would have said bullshit on Earth but now, as you giggled at the many melusines fighting for your attention while one of the much younger ones laid between your arms with short and warm breaths fanning your neck softly...

Maybe all the trouble you went through was worth it.

"I want to braid Their Grace's hair!"

"You already did it yesterday, and the day before that too!"

You watched as Puca and Serene bickered together, both of them pushing the other away behind you and tugging on your hair rather harshly without realizing from time to time. You already knew that wincing would make things worse, since they were all so fond of you that they hated the idea of inflicting you with any kind of pain and would wail which would later leave you with hundreds of melusines to comfort with an awkward smile.

It had gotten bad especially after the eldest of them told how "bad things" happened to you... but now You had them and their "papa" and were happier than ever!

"Their Grace will have a date with Monsieur Neuvillette~ So, let's stop bickering and make Them even more pretty!" A fierce blush took over your whole face, warming your cheeks cutely as the younger melusines cooed and giggled, holding onto their hands together and jumping up and down excitedly at the fact that their "papa" and "Mama/dad" were going out like the spouses they saw on the streets of Fontaine. You didn't... exactly have a gender, and considering you appeared in different forms for safety to other nations, especially Inazuma and Liyue who had been... rather passionate about killing you, you would often come back to the loving embrace of your husband and daughters tired, completely forgetting about your form which was different than the one they always saw you.

It still made you stiffle laughs whenever you remembered the way the melusines gasped and looked at you and their papa snuggled under a blanket so lovingly like he always did with their mama/dad...

Poor things cried their eyes out because they thought Neuvilette was being unfaithful to you and didn't stop until they truly saw you and ran at you, never leaving your side at all and gave their papa nasty eyes... which made him also cry because he never thought of such thing happening, not when even his eyes wouldn't stray from your glowing body as you slotted your fingers with his, swinging your joined hands proudly while walking around the city with him next to you as he blushed and softly looked at you.

Not when his unbeating heart, after you disappeared, started to beat once again at your fragile form in the courtroom and he put his coat over your shivering form, eyes glossy with gratefulnes as you accepted it with shaky hands and a silent and meek thank you that pierced and squeezed his chest.

Not when he finally found his mate, his true love, though it was the Creator he always held affection for and waited for millenias for you to return back once more to grace him with your light.

No one could deny the obvious feelings between you and the Chief Justice who wouldn't be too far away from you ever since you entered the city and looked at him with fearful eyes, even when you two weren't courting yet alone being married. No one blamed you for your obvious fear, they caught wind of what happened and had a brief idea after all. So, instead, they acted kind to you and offered to tell you about themselves and the city after you begged them (which felt wrong because weren't they supposed to be on their knees for you?) to call you by your name and act normal. Through time, they saw how happier and more expressive you had become at the way they acted with you, often seeing you play with the children or help out Lady Furina with meetings, or just sit with them for a lunch as they talked about the latest gossips or trends...

Such as how the other nations were suffering because of the lack of your presence, and how theirs were flourishing even more as the days passed.

Even the people knew how jealous the other nations and their people were that Fontaine was the city you favoured, that their archon was your friend and the next important person, their Chief Justice, was your spouse. And people of Fontaine was extremely smug and happy about it, happier than they had ever been, at the fact that the Creator wanted to share Their eternity with their Chief Justice, that he was the one who held your affection and love. Neuvilette seemed like he never cared about what people said about him, at least about the Chief Justice part of him. He judged according to the laws, which he soon realized was flawed, and did his reports religiously. To the outside, he was a stern and cold man who could never be tender for another, love them as if he was holding a fragile glass, and wanting to protect his love, their love and smile and everything that made him love that one special person.

Yet, the truth couldn't be further from the truth.

Yes, that unloving and cold part of him was a side he often used to not show how affected he would become after every harsh comment... But only those closest to him, melusines and now you, knew it to be completely fake and that Neuvilette always wanted to do his damn best and even more for his people.

You didn't understand why everyone seemed to make you stay away from him when you first started to wander in the city with him not so behind you. He insisted that he would accompany you (after you begged him to go out for fresh air or else you were about to explode out of boredom and he caved in at your puppy eyes) and introduce the city, knowing very well that the people could be rather instantaneous , rash at the first sight of you and you didn't like sudden moves after the events obviously, so he told you that he would be close enough to intervene if something were to happen and enjoy yourself as much as you can.

But there was one thing he didn't consider that day, one thing you didn't have an idea happening which made you whiplash so suddenly that the melusine you held hands with shrunk and thightened her hand over yours, scared: The obvious distaste of the sweet Melusines, even now, and the man that had been nothing but sweet to you, taking care of you at rough nights and whispered sweet things to you.

Going as far as letting you sleep on the couch in his office after much bickering, him insisting that a divine being such as yourself only deserved silk and the softest of beds Teyvat could offer and you whining out that it was him that you needed as you cuddled up to his long coat with a sweet and sleepy smile.

But you didn't like how people were so against him, so hellbent on making you realize that he wasn't a good choice, that he was made out of cold stone and nothing else.

That he didn't know how to even love.

But...

They didn't know how it was you that he had let himself go, to enjoy the simple side of life.

They didn't know how you would catch him staring at and feeding the otters, which you often affectionately called "mini Neuvi", with the softest and most adorable face he ever had and then flush when you caught him in the middle of his petting session and joined him, crouching down next to him.

They didn't know how his heart pounded at being close to you, witnessing your love and kindness to everything and everyone around you from being close to you and how you often held onto his arm thight as you both strolled around with flushed cheeks, under the teasing eyes of the elders of Fontaine who commented how cute you both looked together and how your eyes shone brighter.

He really wanted to know if it was because of the comments or your happiness for being treated like normal bir he didn't know he would learn it soon...

Or, they didn't know how he wished to wrap his arm around your waist and hold you against himself protectively, as if everyone outside was a life-threatening danger to you.

They didn't know the way he silently loomed close to you but still remained in the shadows, just enough to watch you have fun, and smile wide with his own little one tugging on his lips.

They didn't know that he enjoyed it the most whenever you brought whatever you baked, with one of the melusines behind you walking happily, and brought it to him as a thanks for all he did for you. No one has ever done this much for me, you would say and he had to refrain from taking your chin between his gloved hand and softly wipe that frown away. For you, anything he wanted to say many times but always refrained from doing so but as he gazed at your eyes at the time...

He knew you already knew about what he wanted to say, what he wanted to do as your eyes locked in his amethyst eyes and pink lips, chest to chest and standing so close to each other that your breaths mingled together as you both just... Stared at each other.

And they didn't know how he wanted to kiss you, how much you wanted to wrap your arms around his neck and pull him to yourself while messing with his perfectly-done hair... To bask in the happiness only he was able to give you, surrounded by perhaps otters and your sweet "daughters" and just... knowing each other.

They didn't know him like you did.

And they didn't know the sweet melusines like you did either.

And... Well, perhaps, they also didn't know how protective you were of them and the wrath of you was a power to beckon with when challenged.

"Born from Calamity, you say. He brings only devestation and pain to those close to him, you say..." your voice, calm yet still had a hidden threatening tone, was carried by the Wind on your command and towards right into their ears. The group that was talking shit behind your family all stiffened up, knowing that they had the attention of their Creator in the worst way possible.

Little Puca's hand shook between yours, which made your anger skyrocket even more, her eyes scaredly looking around as she shuffled closer to your long clothes and held on for dear life. She knew about the dislike from humans through her older sisters but... she didn't think it was this bad even now after many years.

What had they done wrong, except working hard and waiting for the people's approval?

"Y-Your Grace, w-we didn't mean to-"

"You are telling me that you didn't mean to say my daughters couldn't be trusted because you don't know where they are from, and since my husband loves them so much, in extension, he also couldn't be trusted?" You pushed whatever words this... woman had to say right back into her throat as she shivered from terror at your cold, glimmering eyes that held the universe in them pierced through her harshly and she had nothing else to do except bow in shame and hope to be forgiven...

Wrong move though.

"Do you think of me... perhaps, stupid?" You sneered angrily, stopping in the middle of your sentence in fake thinking with a curious finger tapping your chin as absolute and undeniable horror filled the people.

"N-Never, Your Grace-!"

"Then how dare you lie to my face and talk shit about my family? Who do you think you are?" Your voice rang menacingly all over Fontaine, all the water and even Wind stopping, as those who had been nothing but rude to the melusines cowered in fear and those who always stood on their side smiled proudly. You already heard enough, knew that you had been silent for so long which ended up with your family being hurt far longer than they should have and now, the time was over.

With slow and silent steps, you stood before the woman who lifted her head hopefully to look at your face but soon horror found her at the blank face you gave her with your contrasting soft hands holding her face.

"I have been patient, for you all to realize your mistake and fix it but if this goes on any longer... If I need to inflict fear so that your filthy words wouldn't taint my family... Then so be it."

With your final words, you picked Puca up and craddled her between your arms lovingly, whispering sweet soothing words as you told her how papa must have been worried and that you two had to go and meet with the rest as soon as possible.

As the little melusine rambled about whatever picked her interest that day, the fright from before long forgotten as you listened attentively but soon frowned when you felt the cooling sensation of... water, over your face.

And lo behold, soon after your brief talk, it started to rain softly.

You really hoped that your husband didn't hear the commotion, knowing how much it would hurt his gentle heart to hear the people he swore to protect still treat him and his daughters badly. You knew how... Carole's sacrifice affected him, how he started to not trust people and turn his emotions off because of how painful it was for him.

He was the one who told you this, after another nightmare where he couldn't do anything to protect his family, and sobbed on your chest with his beautiful hair all messy, eyes swollen and red as he begged you to forgive him, still affected by the gruesome sight of your body and his hands covered in large gushes and golden blood. And even then, he was the most beautiful sight you ever laid your eyes on.

But, to your horror, he did hear it.

But cried for an entire different reason.

And not long after, it started to rain... which made you think back to all the times it poured, You stared at the sky with a lovesick smile over your face as you stared at Neuvillette's slightly-shaking back, who thought he hid himself well behind the stone sculpture of yours, already planning to go to his office later to comfort your big baby.

Still thinking back to all the times when your sensitive, lovely and gentle husband who appeared to be cold but was actually the cutest man/dragon alive, cried and made it rain... Feared that he ruined everything once again but you begged to differ.

To you, it was the most beautiful show of his own feelings.

1.He saw a cute otter

"Hello, mini Neuvi! How are you?"

This time of the day was perhaps, the most funny and relaxing one for you. Because, after so much work and paper and also Furina's drama, you really needed to blow off some steam and just enjoy your life. Fontaine was a beautiful nation, but sometimes... You just wished to see other ones from more of a close eye, especially Sumeru.

It has been such a long time that you were starting to forget the beautiful greenery there, and how much you enjoyed hanging out with the others who became your friends quickly.

You definetly didn't miss Cyno's dad-jokes and how the others stared in shock when you snorted at one of them-

But, you were happy with where your life was right now. You were safe, happy, had the cutest animals around you, and then there were the sweet and ever-helpfull melusines who were always at your back and call with pretty much anything and...

There was Neuvillette.

You giddily laughed and put your hair behind your ear shyly, even the mention of the usually composed and calm yet so easily flustered man made your heart burst and dance. You wanted to believe that there was something sparking between you two after the many times you hung out with him, and the many times everyone told you that no, Chief Justice never just "hung out" with people and that this was a first.

Probably what sealed the deal for you, and pretty much everyone, was the way he... very obviously had softened gradually.

It was the subtle way he made sure you were okay, always buying a nicely done bouqet on his way for you and slowly, starting to smile more. People, before you came along, often was scared to talk to him because of his "brooding personality". They thought he was someone hard to talk with, which at first was true. The usually expressionless face he always wore made people stay away, and loose the best kind of companionship they could have had by not trying harder to understand him.

Because, deep down, you saw the longing eyes he gave to the couples in Fontaine or the best friends hanging out together happily. He really wanted to have that too, he just didn't know how and therefore, he was seen as heartless and uncaring for any attachments when it was the most wrong thing he ever could be.

Not that you had any complaints, even if that treatment sometimes saddened you, you were happy that it was you he chose to show that side of him even if it was as a result of... a traumatic experience.

"I brought you, and your whole family the most yummy snacks ever! Made by none other than me!" You shook your head at the thoughts to focus on the cute otters who were swimming where you were simply floating, making excited sounds at seeing both their creator and "mama/dada".

A/N: I just want a horde of melusines and otters in my home, is that too much to ask? 🥲🥹

Giggling at their enthusiasm, you happily followed them around for almost all the afternoon and you couldn't lie, it was the best swimming you ever had, with a worry-free mind and heart.

That was, of course, until you felt a panicked presence close before warm hands (contrasting to the cool water around you) circled your middle and a relieved breath on your ear made goosebumps appear on your skin.

"I was worried, Your Grace... No one has seen you today." Your body relaxed visibly at his rich and soothing voice and slacked back ahainst his chest, his arms thightening around your waist without noticing and inhaling your shampoo deeply with a content smile.

"Oh... Yes, I needed some alone time to myself. I'm sorry if I worried you so much." You sheepishly looked at him while still in his soft embrace and he looked down slightly at your face, crinkled with happiness and then, smiled.

Which, obviously, made your heart stop for a second as you internally gushed at how handsome he was.

"It's okay... I know you can protect yourself. Though I wonder what had taken your attention this much?"

An excited gasp left you when you remembered your children and looked around to see them behind a rock, peeking from the corner to look at you fearfully, unsure if it was safe for them to come out again.

"I came to meet my children! Come on, darlings! He is a friend, you are safe with him!"

Neuvillette widened his eyes at your form who was immediately swarmed with the otters, all clinging onto you as soon as the words left your mouth and he couldn't will his heart to stop pounding his chest at the blissful and motherly smile over your face.

It had been some time that he finally admit his feelings for you, after having a long lecture from Furina and Navia herselves about love, feelings and how a romantic relationship works. They literally forced him to look deeper into his heart and just feel what he feels when he is around you, what he wants to do and wished to happen etc. They already had enough of their favourite ship not sailing yet, Furina just wanted some action and Navia... well, she knew he was a good man now and didn't deserve to be lonely all the time so she was eager to help.

Safe to say, even they were shocked and teary-eyed at how sensitive, sensual and romantic he was when it came to you.

And those feelings only intensified with each passing day, after he was more aware of his body's, the dragon in him's reactions to you and what you did.

And right now, they were purring contently and proudly at watching you interact with your children.

Even the thought of such thing excited him and he had to cough to mask his embrassment when you two... weren't an "item" as Lynette and Lyney used to say while giggling just like any other teenager in Fontaine.

He didn't know what "being an item" meant, this was teenagers after all and their language was weird.

"Come here, mini Neuvi! I know you want this yummy fish snack- Neuvillette, are you okay?"

Well, he definetly didn't expect to hear you call an otter... with his name. He was a mighty dragon, a Sovereign for Celestia's sake, not a small and weak creature!

But as he looked at you swinging the cute otter side to side, pointing at every feature that was very much like him according to you from the blue streaks they had, how they loved swimming, head pats and rolling in the water and how they adored being fed (something he regretted ever telling you about and letting you do it just because he wanted you to do so, that the dragon side of him submitted to you, going as far as letting you pat him and feed him, showing weakness), there was nothing he could do except sigh defeatedly and watch you play with the now horde of them as they all made happy sounds at you.

But really? Did you really have to call the otter between your arms which was cuddling up to you "Mini Neuvi"?

Did you really have to make him blush as he imagined what your supposedly-not-here-yet children might look like as they also cuddled up to your warm embrace, chanting your name?

"Oh My- Neuvillette, there is smoke coming out of you! What the-" your eyes widened at him as you worriedly swam to where he was slightly bent over, hair and hand trying and failing to hide his deep blush and giddy smile as you fussed over him.

Yeah, he had to have better control of his emotions and... bodily reactions from now on.

2. I kissed him under the rain

"As if it wasn't bad already, It's raining again!"

"Ugh, again? There goes my travel plans..."

"I wonder what's wrong with the Hydro Dragon enough to make him cry all the time..."

"This rain is ruining everything-!"

All his life, he listened to and watched people of Fontaine complain about the rain. How it destroyed their shops, how their plans were ruined and how they would surely get sick after this rain... Most of them knew about the Hydro Dragon legend, and as selfish as it might have sounded, he wished people would be at least a little bit worried over him.

Expecting this much wasn't wrong after all, right? He never thought or demanded the people to enjoy rain, he knew it could be a huge hassle to deal with a heavy storm and the mud that came with it.

But never in his eons of life, did he see someone as pecular as you, dancing and laughing under the rain but still held a somewhat thoughtful frown.

"Why are you not running away?"

He blushed at how the question left his mouth so suddenly, turning his head to not look at you as you halted and turned to him with a confused stare but soon grinned like an excited kid.

"Why would I? It's so refreshing and the rain feels nice on my skin!" You couldn't help yourself and jump on a little puddle on the ground and splash water everywhere, gleefully running around as Neuvillette's eyes were trained on you intensely.

He... didn't understand humans most of the times but you? You were another kind of enigma for him as you ran happily and pushed the wet locks of your hair away from your face which usualy irritated most of the women. You were definetly going to get sick, have a runny nose and probably feel fatigued all day... but as you slapped your wet cheeks to make sure all of this was real, and that you were finally here all happy, the sickness that would come after this seemed worthy.

But, Neuvillette had been more silent than you were used to...

Not hearing or seeing any reaction from him, you slowly came to an end in your little game and tilted your head at his expressionless face. "Do you... hate the rain?"

A sudden realization came over at his bashful and solemn face, the downward turn of hisblips and the slight bite he gave to himself. "Oh..."

"Yes..." he muttered under his breath and looked down, eyes brimming with tears and stinging his eyes but hidden by his own wet hair. His face was already flushed from the cold, and perhaps by the sight of your clothes clinging on your body and showing off some of your skin and curves.

Or maybe, the bright yet understanding smile on your face as you tilted your head at him was what made him stop and lift his eyes and stare at you dumbfounded.

And make his own tears pour even harder.

"How can anyone hate the rain?" You asked softly and he knew... He knew you didn't mean just the rain, but himself. He wondered if you were aware of the implication of your words, whether you knew the truth about him or not but frankly enough...

He didn't care.

If it was you who knew, but still didn't say anything, he was fine with his secret out for one more person.

Unaware of his newfound ambition to just "seal the deal" today and finally take the scary yet exciting step into the future, you continued to talk with your hands out in a cupping position, letting the cold rain water collect in the middle of your hands.

"It's a blessing of this world to the people who lives on soil. It is to refresh both us and the soil, the air and the waters so that humans can live. But..." Slowly lowering them down and watching the water run down over your arms, you fiddled with your hands anxiously, contemplating whether it was okay to say what was in your mind since it was a rather sensitive topic for him, with no one else knowing his true identity or name.

You didn't exactly know when you realized it, or whether you knew from the beginning or not but now that you did... Neuvillette wouldn't spend even one more minute alone anymore, you would make sure that he would be happy and loved and would never feel as if he didn't belong anywhere.

But it seemed Neuvillette was very adamant on hearing the rest of your sentence since he took a step towards you and stared down at you with his chest rising up and down rapidly in anticipation, his breath warming your cheeks by both the hotness of it and also the closeness between you two.

"But what?"

You sighed deeply and looked up at the eyes that decorated most of your dreams and daydreams. Confessing feelings have always been hard, it never got easy even if you were in a different world but if you didn't do this... Neuvillette would never do it in fear of making you uncomfortable with himself.

"It saddens me to know that the Hydro Dragon suffers so much, enough to make it flood."

Well, he definetly wasn't expecting this answer.

Out of anything that might have left your lips, what you chose to say amazed him. There was someone worried about him? Well, you weren't necessarily worried about him. After all, you didn't know (and there was no way for it to happen) that he was the Hydro Dragon and also, the one who was sad almost %99 of the time.

He often felt guilty about not being honest to you, when you spoke about most of the things that happened to you or what you used to do in your world before coming here. But the mind was a complicated system, and often showed its ugly side at times like this one.

It screamed at him often that if you were to know the truth, see his true form ... He would see the horror and disgust on your face that usually looked at him so lovingly and softly...

And it would forever break him.

"I think, compared to all the dragons I had ever faced with... He has the most gentle heart ever! But the kindest hearts often suffer the most, I just hope he has someone to care for him." You smiled kindly and knowingly at him with a raise of your brows as you stared at his own wide ones, hoping the usually clueless man would get the meaning behind your words.

And surprisingly enough, he did... He just wasn't sure if he should say something more or not, whether he got the meaning behind right or not.

Surely, you didn't...

"He does... I think he does have someone." He gave a small smile to the slightly parting sky as he looked up and sighed in content. He was glad he had you in his life, after such a long time in solidarity and absolutely no one to understand him. Even when he was just a little hatchling, with seemingly no one to care for him, his tiny heart at that time craved for it as he travelled through this world, all alone...

But never ever imagined to hear those words that left your lips next, as if they were the confirmation he always needed.

"So... Why are you still crying then?" He widened his eyes as he lifted those reddened ones to your face, droplets of salty water still running down his cheeks as amethyst-colored eyes looked at you in wonder, mouth left open in shock in a little "O" shape.

The childish wonder in his eyes made you soften at him as you shuffled closer to him, and even if he was a lot taller than you, he seemed like a fragile and ready-to-cry-at-any-moment little boy as he grasped your hands thightly that was holding his face delicately, scared that this was all his imagination which would perish as soon as he woke up and he would be left staring at his ceiling with empty eyes.

Your heart burst with love at seeing his face, body shivering from anxiety and cold together as he trembled under your touch but still seeked your comfort and warmth. He nudged your palm with a small smile, content and relaxed for the first time since he no longer needed to hide from you. He sighed onto your hands, your finger tips lightly touching his strand of white hair, swiping them away from his forehead as he leant down to your height and leaned his forehead on yours. Closing his eyes tiredly, he leant his body weight on yours but it didn't bother you and neither was it hard for you to hold him up by hugging his waist...

And he purred, placing a wide and teary smile over your face.

He finally trusts me...

"Hydro Dragon, Hydro Dragon, don't cry... Even if you look pretty while doing so." You teased him softly ( there was true honesty to your words anyways), with adoration evident on your tone as you almost sung those phrases he sometimes heard children say. Your hands rubbed his back softly, drawing circles as the rain started to lower down and tiny specks of light shone on you both.

You sighed out and buried your face to his neck, cheeks smushing on his shoulder as your arms thightened around him as if to shield him from any more harm.

And, the most joyous thing was... He let you. He squeezed your back with equal force and buried his face to your neck, with his lips tingling painfully just to lay a soft and loving kiss there.

Just as many times you affectionately kissed his forehead with praises spilling from your mouth.

"Just as you promised a lot of times... I'll do everything in my power to make you happy, Neuvillette. That is, if you ha-" your hand was idly patting and going through his locks softly, hand scraping along his scalp as your murmurs hit and was absorbed by his greedy skin as he soaked it all up even in the middle of his shock.

How can you even ask such a question when he was ready to give his life for you?

"Yes..." he was already overwhelmed enough with love, and with each word passing your lips... The reality of the situation you two were in had settled.

Finally... Finally, he had you.

His arms thightened around you, voice shaking as if he was the most afraid he ever had been."Please... Don't leave. I don't know if I can live again without you... now that I had a taste of your love and warmth."

You were shocked to hear such a declaration, so passionate yet calm, just like Neuvillette himself. You slightly parted from him to look at his face, knowing his eyes would never betray his words but he was making it difficult by clinging onto you more.

"Is it-" you started anxiously, fearing that it was because of the connection between the Sovereign and the Creator when a scoff left him, nose scrunched up as if you just said the most weird and offensive thing ever known to a man.

"No, It's because you are Y/N... You are the one I love."

And what else of a reason you would need, when he craddled your face so gently and stroked your chin before slowly diving down and kissing you sweetly under the soft rain as the time stopped for you two, and the nature all around Teyvat blossomed and shone with power?

3. I fainted because he was too cute and handsome, especially when he smiled

"You are so handsome when you smile..."

Now, Neuvillette was used to the way you abruptly threw praises and sweet words at hım throughout the day. Sometimes they were agressive as you squeezed his cheeks together and made hım stare in your eyes while you doted on him.

But this one... This one was new, and he wasn't ready to hear it yet.

At least, fast enough to cover his reactions to save himself from more teasing from you.

"Thank you, my love... Though it couldn't compete with your-" he coughed out as his tail swinged happily behind him, internally cursing himself for deciding to use his hybrid form since you begged him that it would only be the two of you in his office and that you wouldn't let anyone enter without asking first.

And he was a fool in love anyways, who always became weak in the knees whenever you asked for something.

Besides, he couldn't lie: Upholding his human form for so long made him itchy and he was really enjoying as you patted and scratched his tail and scales as his very long tail was wrapped around your waist possessively.

"It's so bright and mesmerizing that it brightened my next eternal life for good...." You were brushing his hair and styling it into a high ponytail just because you thought it would suit him, so focused on your task that you didn't realize how his whole body bibrated because of his content and loud purr...

Which soon made you lean over his left shoulder and stare at his face with a loving and teasing smile.

And there it was, the fierce blush that often coated his handsome face whenever you blurted out your intrusive thoughts...

He blinked several times while looking at you with wide eyes, his heart making flips then stopping and doing it once again which made you snort and lean back on the plush chair you pulled behind his own table...

And soon, very soon, his whole face (and you were sure even his chest) was covered in the reddest red ever known as he stumbled over his own words while slightly trembling.

It was cute... But was it normal for him to tremble?

"Neuvillette? Are you... Did I say something out of-" you slightly raised from the chair while holding the handles and put the brush away, ready to assist him when he suddenly shouted out with an embrassed laugh.

"N-No, not at all! I'm fine, better than I've ever been actually!"

He would never dare to make the same mistake he once did when he reacted to your sweet and definetly distracting words. It was bad enough now that it was becoming harder to control himself...

Maybe, you would be down to the idea of a nightly swimming date?

4. I told him what happened to me and he made the city overflow

"Aaand, that's pretty much it... I already forgave them all but... I think I would never forget it."

Talking about what had happened in all the lives you lived, considering all the religious and cult-like trauma, was something hard to do. Especially since it was still a fresh wound that kept opening again and again at the sight of the Archons in your daily life. They still showed themselves to you from time to time, begging for your forgiveness even though Neuvillette himself almost headbutted with the ex-Geo Archon himself, another fellow dragon who was not as strong as him.

Even though you told them that you put all of that in your past, that you forgave them... They just didn't seem satisfied. They wanted to be closer to you, hang out with you and bask in your warmth as well.

Much like a certain someone, who was deadly serious about not leaving you alone with them for more than a few minutes.

But, could anyone really blame him? You were his treasure, his everything, the one he patiently waited for years without straying from his logic.

His soulmate that he never though he had, or could have. You were kind and loving and generous, and him... awkward about most of the things that concerned human nature, clueless, broken and rough around the edges. He, even now, never actually believed he could make you happy like you deserved while having all these flaws, especially whenever those Archons spoke of all the flaws he had and how he wasn't enough... But as you stared up at him any time he got into one of these moods, held his face and kissed his frown and worries away with little whispers of your love, he knew why he was still alive and had to fight for another day.

He spent lonely years by himself with his heart in agony, listening to it crying for the real home for him... And now that he had it, he learnt all the terrible things they did to You, how they all refused to lend a helping hand to someone in need of it without adding the fact that it was the Creator, and everyone expected him to be fine with it?

Hell no.

He just... couldn't wrap his mind around it. How could they, he thought bitterly as you leaned your head to his shoulder innocently, watching the moon shine outside and reflect the light on both of you. Your hand timidly reached out to his, smaller fingers wrapping around his much bigger ones as if you knew very well the emotional turmoil he was in to comfort him though it was him who was supposed to do that for you.

And it made him even more guilty as he leant his head on your own, as selfish as it seemed to him for seeking such thing from you at your vulnerable state.

How could they almost destroy such a cheerful, happy and kind person? Our Creator?... My love?

You were always the sunshine of wherever you entered, an eye-catching presence in the usually gloomy and calm City of Fontaine. Even when you first came, before seeking refugee and begging Furina to listen to you... You were still kind enough to stop and help a child find her mother, help a lost melusine out ( you later learnt it was Puca, who would grow on you later when she re-approached you with a necklace of sea-shells and offered them to you timidly), and even bring joy to the water in their city so much so that there wasn't a stormy or gloomy day ever. And that was enough for everyone, alongside the golden scars across your arms, that you were their true Creator.

Besides, Neuvillette didn't have to listen to what Furina had to say, the primal dragon in him was already roaring, growling and trashing inside at the other stupid Archons who dared to touch you, to hurt you. How could they, it yelled in his mind often as the loyal dragon it is to the Creator, connected with a deep sense of loyalty and... love. That dragon side of him purred loudly and softly whenever you seeked him amongst a crowd, or simply sitting with him.

The fact that it was him who you felt safe with made both him and the dragon proud and happy, so much so that if he could use his half-hybrid form, which he was already doing it a lot thanks to you, his tail would be flicking back and forth much like a puppy.

He might not be the best with emotions, with them being especially more complicated with humans and all. He might have not understood what pain, heartbreak and even anger meant but there was one thing clear:

Something in his chest broke so wildly, so loudly and stung his heart so harshly at the sight of your tears that the air in his lungs were punched, and made him silently choke on his own tears.

"Never will you ever feel scared, unsafe and unloved, Your Grace... I will make sure of it." He gently craddled your face between his much larger and slightly calloused, naked hands after finally, finally finding his voice back even if it left his lips in a raspy and wavering way with arms squuezing your body thightly. But you didn't mind it, all you could ever need was here anyways...

Except...

"Not that..." he hummed in confusion with a tilt of his head, the blue streaks of his hair tickling your face softly as you giggled and buried yourself deeper to his chest.

"I don't like it when you call me that..."

"Then what would you like me to call you, my love?" You grinned with joy as you bonked your head with his, another affectionate yet cute gesture he learnt you did whenever you were full of excitement and love. Trying to be silent, so that your army of daughters didn't wake up from next doors, you pushed him on the bed you two shared, hand on his sturdy chest as you stared down at his flushed cheeks and flustered eyes at your sudden dominance.

What a sight it was to have the ever stoic Chief Justice, the Hydro Sovereign under your mercy like this, all pretty and yours...

"I like that one better actually. Can you say it again?" You tilted your head cutely with a smile, your sadness from before long forgotten as his eyes softened at you from below you,happy that he was at least able to do that for you. His hand slowly trailed up your waist, to your back and softly craddled your face with his naked hands, hands rubbing your cheeks oh so lovingly as he uttered those sweet names to you slowly, with no rush at all with closed eyes and a loving smile.

"My love..."

"Again..." you breath got caught in your throat as the sudden rush of love and safety overwhelmed you, the man you loved from the beginning uttering and declaring his love to your skin was both too much and not enough.

Not when you unforfunately were deprived of such thing in both worlds.

More, more, I need to hear it more...

"my precious, most beautiful and one and only love..." he slowly pushed himself up on his elbow with the help of his hand on the bed, thightly holding your neck with a promise on his tongue. He was an ancient being with even more ancient thoughts on courting and loving someone. If a dragon loved someone, and devoted themselves to that person once... That was it. No more turning back, no more being lonely, no more suffering. The dragon would make sure their mate was well-fed, safe and happy with them and that no harm would ever come to them ever again, even if the dragon died.

And that dragon side of him was insperable from him after all and therefore, he was eternally yours to have, to be your sworn protector.

Those who treats his family badly would suffer the worst consequence ever...

But for now, he would only kiss your tears away, run his hands across every single scar that told another story and was left unhealed for so long.

I'll fight with everything, move the whole Teyvat upside down and rip through everyone with sharp and protective claws who dared to hurt you and take you away from him.

Not when I had been waiting for you for millenias and just now had you.

"My treasure... You are not alone. You will have me for as long as you want."

He wanted to say everything his heart desired to do but right now, at this vulnerable moment for you as you both laid naked... This was enough.

His arms around you thight was enough.

His deep voice declaring his absolute adoration and devotion to you, bringing you close to tears was enough.

The soft raining outside, making a knowing smile appear on your adorable face smushed to his chest was enough.

Your loving kiss right where his heart was enough.

He and his love was enough.

That is until he learnt in the morning that he accidently made the city overflow deep at night while crying silently to himself for you, thinking you were asleep, but bury himself deep in the sheets while you laughed at hım first thing in the morning and he almost cried tears of frustration at you again.

5. I love him

He gave his true name.

Slowly, very timidly, he brought his hand closer to yours on his face and took a hold of the softness of it with his own glowed hands. This was one of the things he loved to do the most, caressing your hands and rubbing the tips of your finger before kissing every inch of it, showing them the love no one did and could never do.

Not when your heart, skin, body and soul only knew him.

To him, your hands were divine in more than one way. They created life and helped people around, they were what patted the head of the young ones, what helped a little babe who fell on their bum and looked at you with glossy eyes, they were what showed your kindness and love to everyone and everything even after all they did, ever the unworthy ones of such love...

They were what you used to comfort him with your warmth, at long and painful nights as the sky roared with thunders and rain and he was guilt-striken at the thought of people judging him and uttering harsh words to the "Hydro Dragon".

Those were the especially hardest nights for him, marred with the images of you and his "daughters" injured and dying... His mind screaming, torturing with those images and the painful screams, mocking him for not being enough, powerful enough to save those closest to hım as everything drowned him.

Not enough...

You couldn't even save the one you love...

Failure...

Their deaths are on you-

It's okay not to be okay, my love...

But your soft voice, laced with utter devotion and love for him, was always what made it all better as he laid across your chest and hugged you thightly while your hands played with his silky locks. Sometimes, he wondered if you were reading his mind since you always knew when he was down. It was absolutely amazing yet, you were amazing too.

With ot without being the Creator.

Much like the first time he knew his every being now belongt to you, that his heart had fallen for you beyond your title, because you trully loved him for who he was, it fell again and again even more with each passing day.

His heart fell even deeper in love whenever you shyly entered his office to have a hug before dealing with the problems of Teyvat and other realms, saying that his hugs were really relaxing to which he silently teared up, brought him food and ate with hım since he forgot to eat regularly which pissed you off and he would make it up to you by kissing you, whenever you excitedly pointed to a place to have a sudden date with him while strolling in the Fontaine...

And therefore, the last thing he would give to you... would be the sign and show of his utter loyalty and trust.

Himself and his true name, as he proposed to be yours for eternity.

"Will you accept someone like me to be your eternity, Your Grace?"

With happy tears in your eyes as you nodded and jumped on him, which made him fall back on his ass and laugh freely he kissed every part of your body and uttered öne last thank you.

"Thank you for loving me no matter what..."

A soft laugh as you looked up towards the sky which had a soft rain under bright sun, a great show of the feelings Neuvillette was feeling, you kissed him deep once more, much like the first time you kissed.

"Thank you for being you, for letting me love you, my husband... I love you." You nuzzled closer to him with a wide grin as you both laughed while he twirled you happily as the melusines cheered and cried in joy, the waters around you two bursting up towards the sky and creating a feast for eyes with bright colors.

The people cheered in the distance, made new offerings to you and your new husband in happiness and gratitude for being able to witness this day...

But all you needed, all your eyes would see and all your heart would feel was right between your arms... In the form of the Hydro Dragon Sovereign, with pretty amethyst eyes that reflected you and gave you hope when you almost lost it and soft hairs of blue and pearly white that was entangled between your fingers as your lips found his passionately.

[emsdevs]

Bear and Bug 4: The Falling Out

a/n: so sorry for the wait but here’s 2k words of angst to make up for it?? 😭 also keep an eye out for my au ask night next week 👀

masterlist | bear and bug masterlist

To say you were nervous about the lake house trip this year would be an understatement. You and Quinn had agreed that would be the best time to tell his family about your relationship. You told your family about a week ago, knowing it would be difficult to find time to tell them in person. You two had been doing well after that first little bump in the road, and you figured it would be hard to hide with everyone together anyway. Sneaking around while Quinn’s entire family was there didn’t seem all that appealing.

You both told Jim and Ellen on the day you both arrived, deciding it was only right they were aware as soon as possible. You gave Jack and Luke a couple of days to settle in before dropping the news. After letting the anxiety eat away at you for two days, you called Quinn and Jack to your bedroom. Jack already seemed much happier now that his rookie year was in the past, so you were hopeful that the news would be taken well. That hope quickly dwindled though when you saw Jack’s face fall after Quinn finally told him the news.

“You’re kidding me,” he let out a laugh in disbelief, “right? Like this is some kind of joke? Because it’s not a good one.”

“Jack, we’re not joking,” you trail off, already disheartened by your best friend’s reaction.

“So while I’ve been in New Jersey, miserable for months on end, you’re what? Playing house with my older brother? No. That can’t be true because that would mean you basically lied to my face every time I talked to you on the phone. I called you almost every day, and you couldn’t find time to mention the fact you’re sleeping with my brother? Do you get off on lying to me or something?” Jack’s face was red at this point, and you could see angry tears starting to form.

“Jacky, you know that’s not-“ his laugh cut you off, and you could see Quinn beginning to get mad out of the corner of your eye.

“What? That’s not true? It must of been the fact that you knew how bad I had it in Newark while you were just living out your childhood dreams. Don’t think I didn’t know you always had a crush on him. I just didn’t think you’d stab me in the back like this.”

“Calm down, Jack. God, you’re acting she killed your dog or something,” Quinn finally stepped in, not wanting this to get any worse than it already was.

“You're right, Quinn. This is your fault too. God, I’ve never been able to have anything for myself, not even a best friend apparently,” Jack wasn’t holding back, beginning to raise his voice now.

“Hey! You know that’s not what this is,” Quinn could deal with whatever Jack had to say about him, but he wouldn’t let him say anything bad about you. “This isn’t about me wanting whatever you have. Just because you were always the closest with Bug doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t have her attention too.”

“I didn’t say she couldn’t pay attention to anyone else. I just think it’s kinda crazy that the second I leave for the NHL, she starts whoring herself out to my brother. Honestly, she’ll probably get bored of you and move on to Lukey next.”

Quinn was seeing red at this point, “You have no right to say that about her! You know she’s not that kind of person, and that’s a crazy accusation for someone you call your best friend.” You were holding back tears at this point, shocked that Jack would even think something like that about you, let alone say it.

“Of course, protective Bear has come save his Bug. I mean is that when this started, the nicknames? Because that was over a year ago considering you were both pretty comfortable using them with each other last summer! Honestly, I bet you were even lying to me then too,” he turned to you now. “Pretending last summer was about us spending one last summer together, but you were probably going to him every night when I thought you were going to bed.” Before he could sneer anything else at you, the door to your room creaked open, revealing a puppy-dog-eyed Luke on the other side.

“You and Quinn? You’re together?” He questioned you, not even bothering to glance at Quinn or Jack. They might be his literal family, but he’s always had a special connection to you. It’s never been anything more than a sibling-like bond, but he figured you’d share something like this with him. If he said he wasn’t a little bit hurt, he’d be lying.

“Lukey-“ Jack cut you off before you could even begin to defend yourself.

“Yeah. They’ve been lying to us for who knows how long, sneaking around behind our backs. I bet that “girls’ trip” to Vancouver wasn’t even a girls’ trip. You just went to visit him didn’t you? You’ll gladly go to Vancouver for a week and a half before Christmas, but when I ask you to come to Jersey when you had a long holiday weekend, you didn’t think you could swing it.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell us? Me? I- I thought you trusted me with stuff,” the way Luke’s voice breaking was tearing you apart.

“Will you two just give her a chance to speak?” Quinn was borderline yelling now, fed up with his brothers. All three boys turned to you, all bearing different expressions. Quinn was looking at you with eyes that said he was sorry. You could see the guilt he was already placing on himself, thinking he was to blame for putting you in this position. You could see tears already falling down Luke’s face, could tell how heartbroken he was that you would keep something like this from him. Lastly, there was Jack. The anger on his face was obvious, but you could read him like a book. You knew his real emotions alway lay a little deeper, under the surface. You could see the pain in his eyes, from knowing he was suffering and you were going behind his back. You caused that pain, and you weren’t sure you could live with yourself. You were, however, sure that you couldn’t handle their eyes on you for much longer.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you wasted no time, pushing through the three of them.

“Bug, wait-“ Quinn followed after you, but not before shooting his brothers a harsh glare. He found you a few minutes later sitting at the edge of the dock. “Hey,” he started softly, “they’ll come around eventually.”

“They hate me, Quinn,” he’s pretty sure his heart cracked when you called him by his real name, not wanting to believe what he knew was about to happen.

“They don’t hate you, Bug.”

“They do though! They do, and I won’t be the cause of any more tension or arguments here. This is a place for all of you to unwind, let the season or school year or whatever go before you have to start all over again. All I’m doing here is causing trouble. I’m gonna pack my stuff and head home. It’s best for everyone.”

“No, I don’t think it is. It’s not best for me. Let me come with you, Bug,” you hadn’t said it yet, but Quinn knew you. It was coming, and he was gonna try everything he could to keep it from happening. He didn’t know that he could handle hearing those words leave your mouth.

“You can’t, Quinn,” you took a deep breath, and Quinn braced himself, “Honestly… honestly I think it’s best if we took a break. Just for a while, hopefully not forever. We need to give everyone time to calm down, and I think- I think I need some space and time to think.” You hated saying it, but you felt it was the best thing to do.

Quinn could feel his world crashing around him. He’d finally got you. After so many years of lying to himself and pushing his feelings down and pretending he didn’t see you as anything other than his little brother’s best friend, he had finally made a move and made you his. Now, it’s all falling apart. He’s had to sacrifice so much for his brothers. He’s had to share his friends, his favorite sport, his free time, and the one time he lets himself be selfish they still manage to rip it from his hands. “Bug, baby, no. No. You don’t have to do this. They can calm down while we’re together. I don’t… I don’t wanna lose you,” he was crying now, but he didn’t care.

“It’s for the best, Quinn. It’ll work out however it’s supposed to,” you kiss his cheek softly before standing up and making your way back inside. You pass Jack and Luke in the kitchen, not sparing them a glance in fear of breaking down all over again. The next time they saw you, it was when you were bringing your luggage to your car. You left just moments after, having already said goodbye to Jim and Ellen.

Quinn figured it was time to head back inside now. He’d been crying on the dock for so long that the sun was beginning to set. He walked in the door in the kitchen, met with Jack and Luke quietly standing on opposite sides of the room.

“She’s gone. Isn’t she?” One look toward the other two boys was all it took to confirm what he already knew. “I hope you’re both happy. I’ve never seen her as broken as she is right now, and she’s never left the lake house early. This is her favorite place in the world because we’re all here, and you two have managed to make her feel so bad that she felt like the only thing to do was leave.” If he hadn’t drained his energy crying, he’d probably be yelling at them.

“What did she break up with you or something?” Jack spat, obviously still worked up.

“Yeah, she did! And I couldn’t do a single thing about it. You know, you were so mad saying that I can’t let you have anything, but the one time I let myself have something simply because it makes me happy, you go and ruin it!” Exhausted or not, Jack was working Quinn up all over again, and he would have kept going if it weren’t for his parents stepping in.

“All three of you need to go calm down!” Ellen was the first one to step in.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this when you’re all grown,” Jim was pinching the bridge of his, “but all three of you need to go to your rooms. I don’t wanna see or hear any of you talking to one another, and if I have to I’ll take your phones to keep you all from communicating that way. You all need to calm down and think about everything you’ve said and done today. And so help me, if any of you try to reach out to that girl any time soon, I will find out.” He wasn’t yelling, but he was being assertive enough that each of them knew not to go against his word.

They all headed upstairs before separating, each of them going to their own room, except Quinn. He didn’t care about whatever repercussions his dad could impose on him, he needed to at least pretend he still had you. That night, Quinn cried himself to sleep, the only thing giving him any peace was the smell of you still on the sheets.

[lucvly]

— christmas headcannons with chris. ⸰ 𖥔 ͙

warnings: fluff, cursing, mentions of sex, not proofread as always.

a/n: this is soo self indulgent help !! i love christmas fr.

— he’ll act like he literally doesn’t give a shit about christmas but on december 1 he’s already staying up late thinking about what he’s gonna give you.

— i don’t even wanna hear discourse about this but this man acts like a child around the holidays. he’ll enjoy december like he’s a 10 year old child who still thinks santa’s real.

— my man is quick to hang up those lights. it’ll deadass be mid november and he’s already asking you when you’re gonna decorate because he wants to help you.

— gingerbread house making is a must. he loves it. you do it at least three times in december because it’s by far one of his favorite traditions. of course he ends up building something that doesn’t look nearly close to a house but A for effort.

— you get matching ugly sweaters obviously. it’s your job to get them every year, and they progressively get worse. chris always complains about how itchy they are LMFAOO.

— baking christmas cookies with him is such a chore for real. you can’t even let him open the flour because it either ends up all on the floor, or on your face. don’t even ask him how to preheat the oven because those cookies will end up burnt.

— most times you have to make three or four batches of cookies because the first batch turns out awful, the second one: burnt.

— once your relationship gets really serious, you two make christmas cards and send them to your close family and relatives. it’s corny, sure, but you both love doing it.

— once every year, you go with him and his brothers for a late night drive just to see how people decorated around the neighborhood. chris always ends up falling asleep on your shoulder in the backseat while nick is yelling about how the lights should’ve been hung higher or how the reindeer is out of place.

— you best believe you’re writing letters to santa. it’s unserious but chris loves doing it, especially because he gets to write something along the lines of: “santa, all i want for christmas is my girlfriend under the tree. thx. — C” LMFAOOAOA sorry.

— you’re absolutely making matching ornaments. they have your initials on them it’s adorable. though decorating them is painful as hell because chris always ends up throwing glitter at you.

— takes elf on the shelf so serious like calm down!!! he better not catch anyone laying a finger on that dumbass elf or he’ll go absolutely insane.

— going christmas shopping with him is adorable. he gets so excited over what to get his brothers and his parents AWW, and he also gets a present for trevor obviously.

— you are never gonna know what that man gets you for christmas. he hides it so well it surprises you each year to be honest. you’re out here thinking he didn’t even get you a present and he’s already packing up at least three.

— definitely an expensive gift type of boyfriend, i’m talking tiffany necklaces, chanel bags, dior, ysl. and he doesn’t even care because seeing you happy makes him 10 times happier. (“baby, you didn’t have to– oh my god.” “i know, but i wanted to. you deserve it.”)

— of course you also get him cute and expensive gifts but you could seriously give him a rock and he’d cherish it as if you just gave him a gold bar.

— you two will absolutely watch christmas movies together, especially romcoms. he loves christmas romcoms LMFAOO. he’s the type to complain about the main character idc.

— he hangs up a mistletoe on his door just so he can tease you and give you a kiss every time you walk into his room. (“look, mistletoe, you gotta kiss me.” “chris i swear to god.”)

— christmas dinners are hilarious bye. he’ll deadass be eating 3 or 4 plates with no shame at all. you’re staring at him in disbelief and he just looks at you with his mouth full like “😊”. at least he’s happy LMFAOO.

— he gives you at least three presents. the first one is marked “from: santa, to: y/n” obviously you know it’s him LMFAO he thinks it’s cute and you just leave him be. second one is marked “from: chris, to: his girlfriend.” as if he wasn’t the one marking up those presents BYE. third one is “from: the best boyfriend ever, to: the prettiest girl.” he’s so cute somebody sedate me !!

— one hundred percent asks nick and matt to figure out what you got him for christmas. you’ve figured this out over the years so you don’t even give them hints anymore LMAOO.

— the worst jokes over the holidays seriously. (“hold on. babe, which cooking seasoning is the most festive?” “chris–” “christmas thyme.”) he needs to be stopped lord have mercy.

— secretly loves decorating. he’ll decorate with you all day fr. ornaments, mistletoes, the tree in general is his favorite. he cannot deal with putting up lights though. it pisses him off so badly– (only because he ends up tangled in them).

— i just know he makes hot chocolate with water. nuh uh. you had to teach him the correct way (with milk) because it was seriously getting on your nerves LMAO.

— he gets so lovey dovey over the holidays. he’s also horny 24/7 but that’s completely besides the point HELP. hands around your waist, arm around your shoulder, hand holding, everything.

— matching pjs YUP. he loves matching christmas outfits with you LMAO especially pjs. y’all have like four matching pj sets every year it’s so cute.

[try-set-me-on-fire]

How about odd socks for the soft prompts?

Eddie tries to write his vows. Poem excerpts from E.E. Cummings’ [i carry your heart with me(i carry it in], Mary Oliver’s The Mango, and Pablo Neruda’s Finale. Plain text version on AO3 here and under the read more!

Dear Buck oh its not a letter

Buck

Evan Buckley (?)

From the day we met, I

I take thee to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part except I don’t want to stop loving you when either of us die. I don’t want to part. Till the glaciers have melted and the oceans have dried up, till Mount Whitney (the tallest mountain in California, I looked it up) is eroded to a molehill, till the heat death of the universe do us part. Maybe that will be enough time

I keep thinking about that time you wore those fucking socks to work and Bobby and everyone were trying to really gently asses if you were having a breakdown because we just see AND YOU’RE GOING TO DIE on your ankle and then you laughed and pulled up your pants and it said “GET LOST IN NATURE AND YOU’RE GOING TO DIE” which like I still think is kind of a fucked up thing to put on a sock but you just did one of your beautiful sunshine grins (we weren’t even together but god I still got light headed looking at you) and were like “I thought it would be neat to remind people the importance of safety in nature” and I was kind of teasing and annoyed and laughed about it and that was like three years ago Buck and I still feel guilty about it because if you were going through some kind of crisis I don’t ever want to be annoyed and laugh about it, I want to be there for you no matter what and I hope I’ve proven that to you over the years, that I don’t just love you on easy days, I love you every single day all the time even when everything’s fucked even if I can’t write wedding vows to save my life christ this is terrible

I love your nose and your birthmark and your eyebrows and your hair and your shoulders and the bends of your elbows, and your wrists and hands, and I love your nipples and hip bones and cock and ass and knees and your shin, I love the scars on your shin, I love every scar you have because none of them killed you

How about

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Or

But this was a rich house, and clever too.

After salmon and salads,

mangoes for everyone appeared on blue plates,

each one cut in half and scored

and shoved forward from its rind, like an orange flower,

cubist and juicy.

When I began to eat

things happened.

Or

your head on the pillow,

your hands floating

in the light, in my light,

over my earth.

It was beautiful to live

when you lived

The world is bluer and of the earth

at night, when I sleep

enormous, within your small hands.

Before the ceremony I told Shannon “It’s going to be okay” and in the moment I believed it because I had her and I was scared but she was my best friend and up there in front of her parents and mine I said the regular vows but I think that first one was what counted even if it didn’t end up being true. Maybe I’ve been telling you my vows for years. You can have my back any day. There’s no one on earth I trust with my son - with our son - more than you. Every time I tell you I love you, isn’t that a promise?

I’ve been happy before in my life, despite everything I don’t think I was an unhappy man, not always, only sometimes, but you make me happier than I thought was possible. That kind of feeling when you laugh too hard and you’re not getting enough oxygen to your brain. Isn’t that romantic, you give me hypoxia

Here’s the thing you know I’m going to get up there and just start crying immediately so I don’t know why I’m trying so hard to find words I won’t even be able to get out

No hi this is me two hours later of course this is important you’re important you knowing how much I love you is so important to me and I will stand up there blubbering at you for hours if that’s what it takes

I trust you. I love you. I am happy with you. I want to wake up beside you always, Buck I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than you next to me first thing in the morning (or night or afternoon or whenever we’ve finished sleeping), touching your warm body with your lungs breathing and your heart beating and the solidity of you feels like a miracle

I’ll buy you socks so your feet don’t get cold and I’ll bring you fruit because you like to eat sweet things and wherever I live will be your home and I’ll be by your side as long as you do me the honor of wanting me there and everything I have and am is yours and I

[amethystfairy1]

Amethyst

Amethyst I'm here to yell about TT

I mean I've left a stream of comments so most of my thoughts are there, but I'm gonna try and scrap them together because I'm actually stunned and I need you to know how much I loved it

Also this may prove to be harder than expected considering both my mind and my heart feel too empty and too full at the same time... dunno how you did it, but I'm impressed

So we start with our Swagon (Swaggon?) Family because ohhh I love them so, so, so much and alfjdkfjfs I don't know how to articulate it but they're all so dear to me (I'll admit Scar's my favourite by a teensy bit) and I've just reached the end so they're healing thank the gods

The way Mumbo stepped up when it was all falling apart, the way he doesn't really know how to deal with emotions but he still tries, the way he and Scar work together the way he strives to be a gentlemanly rogue the way he had no clue why Scar wanted to buy Grian but he went along anyway and now he cares so, so much

The way Scar cons his way through life, the way he instantly decided that he was taking Grian when he saw him, the always knew how to make his way around Grian's struggles the way he took the final kill on the Duke so Mumbo wouldn't have to. The way he was the one who messed up so badly and beat himself up about it so much, but it's okay in the end. Because you're allowed to make mistakes, so long as you don't let them define you (/ref :D)

The way Grian is slowly healing from all the hurt, the way he's been learning that what he wants matters, the way he teases and has fun and flies and is more alive now because he deserves it, he deserves it all even if it's so hard for him to believe

The way Pearl is in a similar boat, the way they found each other and it took so much for them to break down all those barriers to just say each other's names, the way she, though some crazy coincidence, has had a year of learning and joy with Gem the way it took so much to just say her name but she still did it the way she's slowly learning and becoming happier just like her brother ("he's his Gem") (shattered my heart for the umpteenth time btw) (absolutely beautiful)

Gem and her batshit insane-ness and how she cares for Pearl so, so much and her huge bloody sword that she doesn't let Zed upgrade (dude she's already terrifying enough can you imagine her with a sword made by Zed's full skill??) and the fact that she dropped the bounty instantly, even though it would break the streak she worked hard for and was proud of, just because Pearl asked

There's so many this is so long I'm so sorry (not really) (i am sorry that it's hardly coherent)

There's Impulse with his heart of gold who's so strong for keeping it even in such a cruel world, Skizz who's had it so, so rough but is still fighting for himself (please dude Impulse is a sweetheart don't kill him) (I really don't think it'd be that easy though- this guy also has a massive battle-axe) (though tbf Skizz is probably very strong... avian things)

Zed and Tango too- oh I love them they're so sweet... Tango slowly letting his guard down and un-learning all the habits he's had to develop in ten years of pain, Zed literally just getting him in a spur of the moment but then growing to care so deeply and standing up for and protecting him without question

Jimmy and the way he finally saw hope through a stubborn mer, the way he has such a myriad of issues to work thorugh, but he's really trying, the way he's not quite ready to say his name yet, the way he wants to because he loves Scott and he wants him to know him

Scott and his stubbornness and his magic and his sharp quips and the way he instantly saw Jimmy as part of his operation to get free, the way he left behind a whole whirlpool of struggles and issues (as evidenced by the apparently still-there hurricane??) and landed in an even worse situation but never lost himself

Martyn (another one who managed to become a favourite) and his magic (which I'd really like to see him use offensively) (we got Mumbo and Scar and such already and I loved it, so... pretty please? /lh no pressure ofc) and the way he grew attached to Ren so quickly, and the way he grappled so much with how he felt because he never wanted to make Ren fake that, the way he healed Scott because he saw how much Jimmy cared the way he doesn't understand their struggle but he's trying

Ren and his masks and how undyingly loyal he is and how much he cares and how hard it was for him to get through to himself, and how he really didn't believe that he could be happy and how his hair means some sort of connection to him and how he was glad the collar was activated because he really, truly wanted Martyn to understand that he meant it

And poor Etho, he's been dealt such a cruel hand. I hope he can heal... though i think that's a loooong ways away

So many people, so many connections! And we've only just gotten one out of the several reunions waiting to happen (very excited for that)

The magic in this one is so cool btw, I love it in all its different forms and quirks (as evidenced by my favourites, I think xD)

"You're on the other side of the storm now" - was the most satisfying thing I have ever read, oml it was incredible!! We got to see Mumbo furious and using his magic! And the roots thing was very cool (and incredibly terrifying if you think about it for longer than two seconds) I was hoping would be used when Scar mentioned it and it was so much better than I expected

And I now have a lovely mental list of people I want to punt into the sun! :D

This is really long and barely coherent I feel like, and I'm undoubtedly forgetting a bunch of things, so my apologies for that lmao

But all that is to say that I'm so glad you've written this and I'm very glad I jumped past my anxiety about heavy angst (it was well balanced, so I actually enjoyed it) (complements for that too! <3) and gave it a try

I feel slightly more normal now

Have a lovely timezone, and thanks for writing! <3

I LOVE THE LONG ASKS!

I LOVE HEARING ALL THE THOUGHTS!

So so so SOOOO much fun! I'm so glad you're enjoying TT! Thanks so much for reading!

[lyraa-kill]

Sick and Twisted Bastard

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 l Chapter 5

Tags: Stalker Simon "Ghost" Riley, Trans John “Soap" MacTavish, Top Simon "Ghost" Riley, Bottom John "Soap" MacTavish, Dom Simon “Ghost" Riley, Sub John "Soap" MacTavish, Stalking, Consensual Non-Consent, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Masturbation, Vaginal Fingering, johnny can't make himself cum, Kidnapping, Knives, John is okay with Simon's stalking, John is a little freak too, Voyeurism, Hidden Cameras, Bondage, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Cunnilingus, Spanking, Painplay, Internalized Transphobia, Self-Harm, Murder, They really match each others freak, Squirting and Vaginal Ejaculation, Biting, pussy slapping, Face Slapping, Blood, Choking

——

John is disoriented when he wakes up, his head pounding. He lays there for a few moments, drifting somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness, aware of himself but also not aware. As he slowly becomes more and more awake, the pounding ceasing, he begins to remember.

But… no, that can’t be right. It can’t be. He was just dreaming. He had to be. Weird fuckin’ dream though, but with the way John’s dreams have been heading lately, he’s not surprised.

He was just dreaming of Simon showing up at his house in the middle of the night and putting a rag over his mouth.

Wasn’t he?

It’s then that he notices a strange weight on his chest. His eyes flutter open, the first thing they see being a mop of blonde hair. Then, he notices that this isn’t his bed. Isn’t his room, even. He tries to move his arms so he can sit up, but then he finds he can’t move them.

John is wide awake now, his eyes snapping fully open and looking around the room in panic. He looks above him, seeing his hands are chained to a thick, sturdy metal bedframe. He yanks against his restraints, but it’s no use. The chain linking his hands together is thick, the cuffs around his wrists tight. He’s not going anywhere.

He looks back down at the man sleeping on his chest. Is that… Simon? John hasn’t ever seen his face, doesn’t know what he looks like besides his eyes, mouth, and chin, but he… his dream. It wasn’t a dream, was it? Simon kidnapped him. And now here he was, asleep on top of his restrained form wearing nothing but his fucking underwear.

Even worse, Simon is fucking handsome . So much better than the face he conjured up in his mind for him. It makes Johnny’s heart pound, his mind swoon. He pushes these thoughts from his mind. He can’t dwell on that right now.

“Wake up!” John shouts, yanking at his cuffs so the metal clangs together and makes a loud banging sound, “God damnit you sick and twisted fuckin’ bastard, wake the FUCK UP!”

Simon groggily lifts his head up, squinting at John. That fucker just smiles and lays his head back down. “‘M still tired, Johnny. Gi’ me five, yeah?”

John shifts his lower body and starts to kick Simon incessantly. “What the FUCK did you do? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!”

Moving to sit up now, Simon looks annoyed and slightly pissed. “D’ya have to yell so early in the morning? Can’t we just go back to sleep, baby?”

John looks at him with a look of wild, angry confusion. The fantasy he had in his head of when Simon called him that for the first time was nothing like this.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” John laughs, fury dripping from his voice, “I guess I’ll just wait to get angry over the fact YOU KIDNAPPED ME! What the FUCK, Ghost!”

Smiling, Simon reaches a hand out and cups Johnny’s cheek, rubbing the space beneath his eye just as he did the night before, when John was sleeping. “This is for the best, Johnny. I had to do this, yeah? You were so miserable, crying to yourself every night. Hurting yourself. I can’t let my perfect little boy feel that way. You’ll be happier here, with me looking after you, keeping you safe. Don’t you agree?”

John isn’t sure his body is capable of feeling any more emotions all at once than he’s feeling right now. Anger, confusion, shock, fear… and he doesn’t want to admit it, but a little flattered and happy as well. It’s all mudding up his mind, making him unable to think clearly. He can’t even get his words out. He just looks at Simon like a deer caught in headlights.

Simon runs his hand down Johnny’s face, over his neck, across his chest, down his torso, resting on his waist. “Been watching you. All the time, Johnny. All the time . I’ve been watching you so much, I think I know you better than you know yourself.” He trails his hand back up, then down, caressing John’s golden skin. “I know you cry every night. Know you hit yourself, cut yourself where you think no one can see it. But I see it, I see it all . I know you’re miserable, feeling worthless all the time. Scared. Not able to trust people, let them get close. You’re scared they’ll treat you just how your father did, right? Hit you, degrade you, abuse you…”

How- how does Simon know all this? He’s never told anyone these feelings before, never let anyone see or even know about the cuts on his thighs. Never confided in anyone about what his dad did to him, what the kids at school did. What did Simon do ?

“It’s gonna be alright, baby. I got you now, yeah? I’ll keep you safe. I won’t let anyone get close enough to hurt you ever again. I’ll make all those bad feelings go away for you, but I couldn’t do that when we were on base. I could barely keep you safe, let alone make you feel better, help you heal. That’s why I had to take you here. This is our home now, okay? A home just for you and me. It’s only goin’ to be us here, forever . You want that, don’t you Johnny?”

John shakes his head. “You- You can’t just- You can’t just decide that shit for me, L.T! I’m a grown man and I get to decide what I do and if something’s making me unhappy or not! God, I can’t- I can’t BELIEVE you!”

He’s thought about it before. About Simon whisking him away from that life, taking him somewhere nice and safe, a place where he’s not on edge all the time. A place he can finally relax, where he can figure out who John MacTavish is without the interference of what his father, his mother, the government, is telling him who John MacTavish should be. But, fuck- in his dreams it was his choice when he got to leave, for how long, how . Simon took that autonomy away from him, just like his decisions were taken away from him when he was growing up.

Simon sighs. He wraps his arms around Johnny’s middle, pulling him close. John doesn’t bother to stop him, telling himself that it’s pointless, but deep down it’s because he wants Simon to hold him. Fuck, he’s so angry at him right now, so upset, but all he wants is comfort from the man, the very thing making him upset. He’s fucking sick.

“I’m sorry baby,” Simon says into John’s chest, “I know it’s wrong. I know that I’m a horrible person for this. I just- this was the only way. Confessing to you, building a relationship with you, discussing how to leave for some place better… it would’ve taken too long. Something might’ve happened to you during all that, and I couldn’t let that happen. I had to take you.” Simon takes a deep breath in, his voice shaky with nervousness as he prepares to say the three words he’s been longing, yearning to say for months. “I love you. I love you so much, Johnny. I couldn’t let you be miserable anymore. I had to bring you here, where you can be all mine, where I can make you safe and happy.” He looks up at John through his blonde eyelashes. “Do you hear me, Johnny? Ya listening? I love you .”

John sucks his breath in and bites his lip. Fuck. He’s been waiting for Simon to say those words for ages, dreaming about it late at night when he cries, when he smiles and laughs, when he has his fingers buried in himself.

Maybe he’s insane, but he understands. He can almost perfectly see Simon’s train of thought. The feeling of wanting to do anything you can to make the one you love happy, even if they think they don’t want it. The feeling of knowing better, exactly how to care for someone else if they would just let you. He knows how Simon feels, because he’s felt the same way. He always felt the man was too strung up, too tense, too on edge all the damn time. He wished he could do more for him, take him somewhere nice where he could relax. Where he didn’t have to be this weapon called Ghost, where he could be Simon. And John didn’t have to be Soap, he could be Johnny. Simon’s Johnny.

But- fuck. This is a hell of a way of going about it.

John closes his eyes, takes a deep breath in, then sighs. “Fuck, I’ve thought about us getting together, leaving the military, getting a home of our own. I just… fuck, this is all so sudden. It’s fucking crazy, you know that right? It’s fucking mental . This ain’t normal, Ghost. It’s not healthy.”

Simon shakes his head, burying it deeper into Johnny’s chest, breathing in his scent. “I’m not a normal man, you know this. Everything I did, this is my love for you. Everything I do is only because I love you so much, Johnny. I just don’t want you to be taken from me, like… like everything else. Can you forgive me? I- I just love you so much. Please forgive me.” His voice breaks towards the end.

Simon’s heart is cracking a little bit at the idea that he’s making his Johnny, his world, unhappy. The monster inside him is clawing at his insides, wanting him to destroy, to hurt, to kill , do anything that will take his pain and self-loathing out of himself, turn it into something physical he can crush and make go away.

John’s heart is breaking a bit too. Simon sounds so broken and helpless, like a hurt little kid. He doesn’t know what happened to him, why he’s so dark and twisted, why he never lets anyone get close. But he wants to know. He wants to know Simon , not Ghost, and make all his pain go away. Maybe he’s more like his lieutenant than he thought.

He really does love him. He really, truly does.

“Fuck…” John sighs, “‘Course I can. I love you too, you know? I understand. I’m angry at you, but I’ll be able to forgive you. Ya know I can’t stay mad at ya L.T.”

Simon finally releases the tears he’s been holding back. He feels like he’s been waiting his whole life to hear those words from John. For barely a second, he can feel the creature inside him start to fade, leaving only Simon Riley left. For just a second.

“Say it again, please,” Simon stammers.

“I love you, Simon.” John says, “I love you so much, Simon Riley. I may be pissed as all hell right now, but I love ya. I’ll say it as many times as you want.”

He’ll be able to forgive him. One day he knows he’ll enjoy living here, not dealing with a care in the world. He’ll probably even thank Simon for doing this, doing what was right even if it hurt a little bit at first.

Maybe he’s also a little sick and twisted. Sure, kidnapping him was a little crazy. But John is a little crazy too.

Simon cries into Johnny’s chest for a little bit, keeping the man in a tight bear grip like he’s afraid of him slipping away.

John wishes he could comfort him, run a soothing hand down his back or in his hair, but he’s still bound. Instead, he just tilts his head down and presses his forehead against Simon’s hair, whispering to him that it’s alright, that he’s not a bad person, that his Johnny loves him back.

After a while, Simon tilts his head up. Tears still cling to his eyelashes, but he’s stopped crying. As he looks up at John, he smiles. John smiles back. Simon slowly moves their faces closer, their lips brushing against each other. John’s breath hitches, and his eyes flutter shut as he gets rid of the remaining distance between them and connects their lips.

The kiss is slow at first, barely any movement between them. Steadily, it picks up the pace, until they’re kissing softly, lips and the occasional tongue brushing together. Simon grips onto Johnny’s waist and deepens it, shoves his tongue into John’s mouth and kisses him with passion, fury.

Simon break them apart, mumbling into John’s lips, “Let me show you how much I love you, baby.”

John’s eyebrows furrow. “Whaddya mean, Simon?”

Simon climbs on top of Johnny and straddles his hips, his very erect package straining through the fabric of his boxers. John’s eyes go wide.

“Simon, I- I don’t know if that’s a good idea right now, I don’t- I don’t wanna do that just yet, yeah? We will, I promise, just not now, ‘kay?”

John is a virgin. He was always too scared, too ashamed to try and have sex. Not that he ever had the opportunity. No one up until Simon had seen him that way. He doesn’t want to do something to frightening right now, he wants to cuddle with Simon and be domestic, give it some time to get himself completely comfortable before they have sex.

Simon shakes his head. “I’ve been waiting for so long Johnny. I need this. I know you do too. I know you haven’t been able to make yourself cum, know how pent up you are. I’ll fix it. I’ll make you feel so good, baby.”

Fuck , just how much does Simon know?!

He snickers. “I know so much about you baby. I watched you every night you thought you were alone in your room, touching yourself. Ravaging yourself for hours, breaking into tears eventually because you couldn’t cum.” He smiles even wider as John’s shocked expression. “That teddy bear I gave you was special, baby. It had a camera in there, so I could watch you when you were in your room. And you were such a good boy, aiming it right at your bed. Gave me such a good view.”

John’s blood runs cold. Simon had seen that? Fuck, fuck… icy panic runs through him. This isn’t normal. This isn’t healthy, isn’t right, isn’t something a normal person does when they’re in love. He was wrong before. He shouldn’t entertain this, he should push his feelings for Simon down and run for the fucking hills. What kind of man is Simon that he’s willing to rape someone he claims to love even though they’re begging him not to? This isn’t love. It isn’t. It can’t be. He needs to get out of here.

But he can’t. He can’t run, can’t even defend himself, and he’s about to get raped because of it. He could deal with the kidnapping, recognize that he probably needed it somehow, but not this. He doesn’t need this. This is Simon being purely selfish.

“Simon, fuck, we can talk about this, okay? Don’t… don’t do this just yet. I’m not ready.”

Simon shakes his head. “I know you are, Johnny. You can’t lie to me. I won’t fuck you yet, but I have to show you just how much I care. I have to show you just how much I want you. You’ll forgive me right?”

John shakes his head, “Simon, please -”

Simon leans over John’s form and crashes their lips together, one of his hands harshly gripping Johnny’s face to keep him still. This kiss isn’t soft and sweet like it was before, it’s harsh, violent even. John doesn’t like it. He wants it to stop.

He bites down hard on Simon’s lip, but it doesn’t faze the man at all. He bites down even harder, the taste of blood coating his mouth, and still Simon doesn’t stop.

Instead, that sick and twisted bastard smiles as he pulls away. “I know you like it rough, baby,” he says, his voice a grumbly, icy chill, “I like it that way too.”

John’s body is flung into panic mode now, and he’s kicking and twisting, screaming, trying to do anything to get Simon to stop. He can’t believe this is happening, no, it can’t be. This can’t be real. He’ll wake up in his bed in his apartment soon, and mutter to himself about what a weird dream he had. This can’t be about to happen to him.

Simon presses down on John’s body, crushing him, forcing him to still. He furrows his brows and leans over Johnny again, grabbing something from the nightstand. Two more cuffs.

Fuck, Johnny knows what that’s going to be used for. He tries to fight back, kick before he knows he won’t be able to, but Simon is quick and strong, gripping his ankle and quickly fastening it to one of the bedposts. The other one is strung up soon enough, his body now only capable of twitching and squirming, no major movement.

Tears are running down John’s face now. “Simon, I don’t want this! Are you listening to me? I don’t fucking want this! You’re hurting me!”

Simon snaps his gaze to John’s crying face. “‘M not hurting you, Johnny. I would never do that. I’m helping you, okay? I’m making you feel good. You’ll realize that soon.”

He grabs the crotch hole in John’s boxers and rips, his underwear turning to shreds and being flung from his body. Any resistance John shows is barely noticeable.

Simon gently runs his hands up and down Johnny’s sides, gently massaging him. His hands then make their way between John’s legs, feeling up his cock, his slicked up hole.

He smiles. “You’re so wet for me baby. I thought you said you didn’t want this?”

John shakes his head, screwing his eyes shut. Why is his body betraying him? He really doesn’t want this, would give anything for it to stop, but his body won’t listen. He can feel himself getting more aroused as Simon keeps touching him, his cock starting to throb and slick pouring out of his cunt.

Does he… does he actually want this? No. No- he doesn’t. He doesn’t . But if he doesn’t, then… why does it feel so good?

Simon keeps up with his teasing, his thumb circling his throbbing cock as two fingers circle around the entrance of his hole, threatening to plunge inside. John bites his lip to hold back his noises, not wanting to encourage Simon any further.

Simon is smiling to himself. He knew his Johnny was lying to him. His boy wants him so bad that he’s shaking and holding back his noises after only a few teasing touches. He slips a finger inside, relishing in the way John lightly gasps as he does so, his eyes snapping open.

“How long has it been since you last came, baby?” Simon asks, his voice deep and rumbly, more like the monster inside than himself.

John shakes his head, refusing to answer. Simon sighs. His boy is going to need some encouragement.

“I said,” he growls, roughly pinching Johnny’s cock between his thumb and forefinger, “How long has it been since you came, Johnny?”

John gasps in pain, electric shocks coursing through his body. “Fuck- Simon- fuck, shit- Oh- fuck fuck fuck-”

“Tell me and I’ll stop, baby.”

“I don’t know!” John shouts, “Months! It’s been- fuck- a while!”

Simon stops, his gentle and loving touches coming back. He tuts. “That’s no good. I gotta take care of you, make sure you’re satisfied, not all pent up and frustrated. I’m just taking care of you baby, can’t you see that?”

John breathes rapidly, the aftershocks of the pain still coursing through his body, mixing in with the pleasure he’s now being given. Simon dips two fingers in him, gently digging their way deeper and deeper and prodding at all the sensitive spots inside him.

Johnny isn’t sure why he hasn’t been able to cum. He’s tried, really he has. He fingered himself for hours, rode a dildo for an obscene amount of time, used a fully charged vibrator until it died. He just can’t quite make himself tip over the edge.

Maybe it’s because he was thinking of Simon every time, the way he would look on top of him, thrusting into him without mercy. Choking him, spitting on him, tugging at his hair, biting, hitting, slapping, fucking him. Maybe his body knew that it wasn’t enough, that he needed his Simon. That Simon is the only one that can make him feel good.

Maybe his body already knew that he belonged to Simon, and was just waiting for his mind to realize it.

Simon picks up his pace now, thrusting his fingers in and out as he prods at Johnny’s gspot. He smiles as he watches his boy come undone beneath him, so much sweeter than he thought it would be.

“You don’t have to be ashamed for wanting me, Johnny, for wanting this,” Simon softly says, “There’s no reason to be ashamed. You can be honest with yourself.”

John can’t say anything back, can only nod as he throws his head back in a silent scream. Fuck, he is ashamed, really doesn’t want this still, but it feels so good and he’s been waiting for this for fucking months. He’s been waiting to feel Simon’s fingers since the day he met him and saw how large his hands were.

Even though Simon is doing this to him, John still trusts him. He knows now he’s only doing this because he loves him so much, cares for him more than anyone else ever has. He’s the only one that’s ever felt that way towards Johnny.

Simon would never hurt him, right? That’s why he brought him here, to this place. To keep him safe. To care for him, love him, dote on him, in a way nobody else has. Maybe John should just give in, finally admit to himself just how much he likes this, beg Simon to keep going until he finally cums. There’s no reason to be ashamed over wanting the man he loves to make him feel good, yeah?

Simon isn’t being selfish or cruel. He’s helping Johnny. He’s giving him what he needs, even though Johnny thought he didn’t.

Johnny bites his lip and mumbles something.

“What is it, baby?” Simon says, not slowing his pace to let Johnny get his words out clearly.

“P-please, make me cum, Simon,” Johnny begs, trying to spread his legs even wider.

Simon smiles, wicked and dark. “I knew you’d come around, baby. Fuck, that makes me so happy.” He quickens to a brutal pace now, absolutely tearing Johnny up. “I’ll make you cum, baby, don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.”

Only a few seconds later and Johnny is moaning so loud it’s a scream, letting loose a string of curses and Scottish nonsense Simon doesn’t understand. Johnny squirts so hard it splatters against the wall, drenching Simon’s face, torso, and arm completely.

“There you go, baby,” Simon praises as he helps Johnny through his orgasm, “Knew ya could do it. Goooood fucking boy.”

Johnny sinks into the bed, his eyes half-lidded, a goofy smile on his face as he looks up at Simon.

He can’t believe he thought he didn’t want that.

Simon smiles at Johnny, then leans down and gives him a soft yet fierce kiss on his plush lips. “Let’s get you cleaned up and get some breakfast in you, sweet boy.”

Johnny cocks his head. “What about you, Simon? I can make you cum too.”

Simon shakes his head. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me baby.”

Simon unlocks Johnny, massages his sore ankles and wrists, then picks him up and carries him to the bathroom to run him a nice hot bath.

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday my lovely readers :) We’ve reached the episode that rocked me to my very core. Honestly haven’t been this attached to a ship in a very very long time. Years passed without this level of attachment. Bringing out sides of me I didn't think existed. Like doing reviews. But our ship is something special even when they rip our hearts out. I blame Eric and Melissa LOL They are INCREDIBLE in this episode. The both of them. Brought their A game and then some.

This ep legit affected my mood for 3 weeks no joke and utterly destroyed me. I needed extra days to decompress before did my mini. The fandom was so lovely about that too. Love this fandom so much. I still don't know how I got that out tbh lol Also God Bless my bestie D for going through that with me. I got to watch it early that day which normally didn’t get to. Was usually after work. I remember D wanted to stop me but didn’t cause she couldn’t tell me why..

I had to go to a company meeting after and pretend I wasn’t devastated. Be a positive fun leader when inside I was dying. I did a good job my team had no idea lol But damn that was tough. Never been happier for a 3 week break than after this one. We all needed it. Let us begin. And thank you all again for going through this heartbreak with me. Gif count was rough for me so I fit in everything I could and made a ton.

6x06 Secrets and Lies

We start out with Lucy looking as stressed and anxious as we’ve ever seen her. Laying in bed but most definitely is not resting. The brutal toll this situation has taken becoming visible. When Tamara asks how stressed she is from 1-10? Lucy answering 19….Ooof....Could not be more relatable if she tried. When I get this laser focused I too am a nineteen. Her person has been radio silent for days. Her last contact with him was a massive knock out drag out fight.

This is the most time they’ve spent apart since they got together. Like I stated last review other than 6x01 they've scarcely been away from one another. Her UC mission in 5x21 yes but doesn’t really count. They talked every single day. So it’s truly the longest they’ve been apart. No wonder she is at a 19. Poor Lucy. Kills me. Such a wreck without him. Tamara asks if Tim is still ghosting her? Lucy tries to defend their situation. Not well but she sure tries lol

Lucy is barely keeping it together and it shows. I love that we get a shot of her pin-up board from that BTS video. The cupcake poster hehe Hopefully that makes a triumphant return in s7. Tamara doesn’t want to add to her stress... But let's her know she wants to move out. With friends from school. Worst timing ever. It makes sense but the timing is horrendous. Lucy takes so many hits this season. It’s almost worse the second time around somehow.

This time Lucy goes to an actual adult about Tim. Not useless Nolan who was painfully inept for her. Couldn’t fit it in but we see her touch her tattoo when she approaches Angela. *heart clutch* I love Melissa for doing it every time though. So subtle yet impactful. Nice little mini gut punch to start the scene. This was the right call though. If anyone knows Tim like her it’s Angela. Lucy asking if she should alert Grey? Honestly she should've but here we are. That would've been a whole other set of problems though...

Lucy feels like she’s going insane so Angela validating her helps. (at first) You know she finds this behavior of his incredibly alarming. We can see the immediate worry painted across her face. That’s her brother. She loves that man like he’s one. What sucks is that, even though Angela is empathetic, she doesn’t fulfill the needs that Lucy is going for. Which is reassurance and 'Hey let’s do this together.' A united front. Hoping since he is acting off Angela's reply would be 'Let's find out why as a team.' She is protecting her but Lucy is in a heightened emotional state and doesn't see that. Only see's being shut out further from Tim.

Angela plays her cards very close to her chest. Like a good detective would. Sadly Lucy wanted more solace than just ‘Trust him.’ That’s all she’s been doing for days. Poor woman is going out of her damn mind with worry. Even tells Angela as such. The reply she gets back not what she wanted… She wanted her detective gut and friendship. Unfortunately she just gets the former. That short lived validation she got earlier dying off quickly. Lucy is so damn upset when she takes off from the convo. Knowing if she sticks around she’s going to cry on shift. My damn heart. Melissa be killing me. Holy hell.

Angela scaring the crap out of Tim is hilarious. Serves him right tbh. This episode had me so upset and twisted, I couldn’t even enjoy scruffy Tim in a leather jacket. You know something is wrong when I can’t gawk over this man. Angela has zero trouble finding him. Because well it’s her. This is why Lucy enlisted her. She needed the best to help her. Such best friend behavior from the minute she enters his car.

Drinking his soda, calling him out, and asking WTF is going on? I adore her brazen bravery. This is why we love Angela Lopez. Willing to get herself fired for him. That she can take the hit not Lucy. I mean she’s not wrong….Angela could easily live off Wes. She would hate it but she could. It's a more viable option. Says it can be ‘Wine o’clock for her.’ LOL I always enjoy them. More of them in s7 please writers.

Tim doesn’t argue with her reasoning. Starts to explain the whole Ray debacle. Why he can’t just let him go. What he has on him. That he needs to catch him in a new crime. So he has reason to actually arrest him. Once Tim fully explains Angela just replies. ‘I’m in.’ Tim is shocked because of course he is ha Even though she is his best friend he can't believe has his back like this. Oh my broken boy. He double checks and asks if she’s sure? Her reply being the absolute best. ‘Yeah. I got your back boo.’ Hehe Lucky she’s your best friend my love.

We rejoin our bestie duo at the docks. Scoping out Ray on whatever back door deals he’s doing. She is studying Tim hard in this scene. It’s the best. Angela tries to impart some logic to Tim. Saying he’s followed Ray for two days and nothing. Asking how long he’s going to do this? Tim replying the most Tim Bradford reply. ‘As long as it takes.’ Angela is on her game today and doesn’t let him get away with it. Saying he’s just going to walk away from his job? From his relationship with Lucy? All to arrest a guy he hasn’t thought about in over a decade?

Something isn’t adding up for her and she is letting him know it. Angela gives her patented look. Knowing it’s something more. There’s a reason she’s such a good detective. Woman knows how to get to the root of things. Tim has only given her surface info at this point. Definitely not enough to justify this crusade he’s currently on. Let’s him know Lucy would understand why he lied on the report. She would even commend him for it really. We know she would. She love his soft heart so much. Tim agrees and says she would still get in trouble for knowing and not reporting him to IA.

A risk she would gladly take if you’d let her Timothy… It’s here Angela digs a little deeper. He gets a second stare. Tim finding it aggravating and telling her as such. Angela let's her next truth bomb drop. Saying he’s doing it to protect himself as much as her. That there’s something he’s not admitting. Mic drop. Nailed it and Tim knows it but won’t entertain it further. Has him dead to rights and he knows it. We then get the glorious BFF line. Like it or not she is. lmao Has your number just like your girl.

We return to Angela’s for Tim to break our hearts some more. Theme of this episode. One punch after another. Literally no time to breathe unless you check out during the other SL's. Which I did tbh.... They’re alone so she probes Tim further. Knowing that it has to be so much more than a report. He wouldn't let Ray get under his skin like this if it was that shallow. That he's bearing the weight of something on his soul. Tim gives in and begrudgingly explains what happened. That he had been squad leader most of his tour. That he was looking to move up to Sergeant First Class. Only caveat was he couldn’t have any rampant criminality in his unit.

Ray was in the way of this. Tim decided to keep it within the squad if they caught him themselves. He did an unsanctioned mission… Oh Timothy….He explains how Ray called in an air strike on them. Did this the minute he knew he was trapped. Schmuck would rather take them with him. Such a cowards move. The way Tim describes the air strike. Ugh my heart. His eyes filling up as he depicts how the world imploded around them. Eric is a master of emotion here. So expressive. Looks like he is right back there, with the most haunted look on his face. He thought he was going to die. Being so vulnerable I wanna hug him.

He and Mark were lucky though. The Humvee took the hit for them. But Henderson and Coyle were ripped apart….Ugh and now we see what he’s been bearing. That he led his men to their deaths. Their loyalty and faith in him had cost them their lives. All because Tim was in pursuit of a promotion. For personal glory. Explains why he wouldn't praise himself or take awards pre-Lucy. Or advance his career before her either. He didn’t feel he deserved anything good. Because the last time that was important to him, he got two of his men killed. Imma go cry now.... My poor broken boy. The PTSD is so real.

Eric continues to rip my heart out. Telling Angela there was so much blood. I can't imagine seeing that. They for sure thought Ray was KIA. No way he survived. It’s the way he catches his breath, tears in his eyes in this next part. I'm so upset for him. The way he points at himself when he says leadership. The failure and shame he feels for what he did. When we found out it would be his military background I was excited. I knew it would be dark though. Whatever this was. But my god. I wasn’t expecting it to be this. But makes perfect sense why he’s kept it from Lucy. He can’t bring himself to forgive what he did. How could he expect Lucy to? To still look at him like he’s the same man she fell in love with?

The deep rooted shame is evident in this scene. This is quite the weight to keep on your soul. One I’m sure he’s never told anyone. Not even Isabel about I bet. My guess is he buried it once he was state side. Like most do with trauma. Hoping it would never resurface. Sadly not how trauma goes... The way he tells the story it’s for the first time. You can tell. He’s right back there re-living it all. This scene gives us so much insight to Tim as a person. Why he is the way he is as a cop. As a person. It explains why he lost his damn mind in 2x01 over Lucy falsifying the report. Probably brought him right back there.

This is a very revealing scene. It makes sense why he shoulders things alone. It’s punishment for what he did. Doesn’t think anyone could love him enough to shoulder it with him. That breaks my damn heart. This ep makes me so emotional. *sad sigh* Nothing scarier than the person you love seeing you at your worst. With his background of abuse, it makes sense why he’s hidden this from Lucy. He doesn’t feel worthy of the comfort she would bring him. Only shame that he made a mistake. Tim is very self loathing and this is why. Coupled with his childhood it makes so much sense why he is the way he is…This one is emotionally heavy af. All his unchecked trauma barreling through like a bullet train in this ep.

Lucy arrives home and Tamara is there to take care of her. Saying she ordered pizza. I love this. She needed this. Lucy leaves the room to drop off her stuff. We hear a knock at the door and it’s Ray.... Earlier he scanned Tim’s vehicle and got Lucy’s address. Which made me sick to my stomach. I knew him grabbing it was going to end this way. Best way to get to Tim is through his heart. When Tamara opened the door and it was him..The hairs at the back of my neck stood up. Tamara calls out for Lucy. She emerges and goes into protect mode right away. Eyes on Tamara first but also hating her gun is locked up.

Heart was in my damn throat the entire time. Lucy handles herself like the bad ass we’ve all come to know and love. Commend her for keeping herself composed when she was terrified. I also adore her not putting up with any of his scare tactic BS. Her line about the only call she’s gonna make is for the ambulance. Like hot damn Lucy. Way to protect Tamara and yourself. It's true she could take his scrawny ass easily. I long to be the confident BAMF she is.

Doesn't hurt she’s still got the rage burning from being in the dark. So not only is her life being threatened now Tamara's is. This is Lucy's FINAL straw. It’s now bled over in the worst way. Not only that but she still has no idea what’s going on. We can see that mama bear come out loud and proud. It’s one thing for her to be involved it’s a whole other thing with Tamara dragged in. This is what pushes her to reach out To Tim. To cut his crap. Whatever this is has now endangered an innocent life. One she loves fiercely and will die to protect.

Lucy RAGE calls Tim and unleashes hell. As she should… Demanding to know where his ass is. Tim knowing he can’t hold her back any longer. So he lets her know. I mean Lucy is million percent done with this crap now. With his behavior, him cutting her out, all of it. So very very done. Rightfully so. I do love him answering ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ Knowing she wouldn’t be calling unless something was. He for sure would’ve dropped it all to go to her.

But she was way too pissed to see that fact. She shows up like a bat out of hell. Biting his head off immediately saying 'Does she look ok?' No….she does not. Forever love Angela escorting Tamara out of the room. Mom and dad about to have it out so let's go. The concern all over his face kills me though. This was the last thing he wanted to happen. The very thing he was striving for by shutting her out backfired horribly. Not only did he endanger her but Tamara too.

It was Lucy’s final straw and she is showing it. These were the types of fights that are needed though. As much as this hurts she is fighting him to save them. Because he is worth the bother and effort. Just like he stated in 5x08. Asking why her and Chris never fight?They’re fighting against each other to protect one another it kills me. Also you know your ship has chemistry when even their fights are lightning in a bottle goodness. Just as amazing as their happy stuff. I can't speak enough to their fantastic on-screen chemistry. Even though this fight is fiery and hurts to watch it's hurts so good to watch them hash it out.

Tim explains who Ray is and Lucy don’t give a single fuck. It’s not who he is that has her raging. It’s him cutting her out that is. I love the movements Melissa does in this scene. I know she had an interview about her being mad. Thinking she was awkward. It wasn't at all. Was so real. I think she nailed it. Her body language is on point. How she stamps her foot. Shouting how who Ray is doesn’t explain why he iced her out. At all. She is VIBRATING with anger. Yelling at Tim to stop protecting her. Which he won't. That is like asking him to stop breathing tbh. He would rather die than not protect her. Ugh his reply of ‘ I can’t. I won’t.’ They’re at odds with the deepest part of their souls. Of who they are.

Tim will never stop protecting her. Just as she will never stop trying to help him. Been in her DNA from the jump. For him to not let her is just as painful as Tim not protecting her. *sigh* This is where their intense need to protect each other backfires so badly. Sounds romantic and sometimes it is. But in these type of moments, it shows the cracks in their already fractured communication. It real though. Communicating is HARD. Especially when you both come from abusive homes where that wasn't taught. If you aren't taught healthy communication you're just not going to do it. Simple as that. It's like a muscle that never gets used. Then when it does it feels so unnatural and painful.

These two are going to be the death of me. Hell they already have been. They have so much to work on in s7. It’s insane. I'm excited for it though. Lucy then brings up how Lopez was read in but not her. She is HIS PERSON. If anyone should be read in it’s her. Consequences be damned. Yeah Angela does have less to lose but that is NOT the point. Tim is clearly not getting that fact. I adore Lucy grabbing his hands during the end of the scene. Mirroring back she 'Can’t and won’t' not help him. Telling him she is over being to good girlfriend. He’s going to let her in NOW. Oooh lord. You Tell 'em Luce.

Their OP to foil Ray goes off without a hitch. Tim tells him it’s over. That there isn’t an air stroke to save him this time. Ray tells Tim ‘I am the air strike. I’m about to blow up your whole life.’ *grumble* It’s so true on many many levels. Watching Tim be so stoic in his IA investigation kills me. Wish could've fit this in. Eric be out here again making me emotional af two eps in a row. You can see the tears in his eyes but the rest of him is controlled. That military background of his coming in clutch.

it pains me to watch him lie and have it destroy him. I remember I saw people saying how could he lie? That’s not like him. Um no. This is very like Tim. Not to lie but to protect those he loves. If lying protects Lucy and Lopez that’s what he’s going to do. He has a history of being a little gray for those he loves. Isabel is a good example of that. All that went down with Detective Murphy was similar to this. ‘Some things matter more.’ Once again rings true with him. Tim is believed over Ray. Because even if Tim doesn’t want to believe this he is the better man.

Better reputation and Percy closes the investigation. Have missed him. But whoever he’s around it’s not good. Love the actor though. What happens after is rough to say the least. Never seen Grey as disappointed in Tim as he is here. Reprimanding him and having to report him to Pine SUCKS. R.I.P. Metro Tim. I loved you so…It’s killing Tim to have Grey look at him this way. Deeply respects him and to be scolded by him cuts him. Just dismisses Tim without further comment or fight….

God almighty the song playing in the background. I don’t even remember it. I only watched this scene once. I think I blacked out a lot in this moment. The immense shock rocked my system. Suffice to say it’s beautiful. The piano, the haunting oohs and lyrics are the perfect backdrop to this devastating scene. I felt this building anxiety watching this scene. Waiting for the hammer to drop. When she pulled him into her arms *phew* It was first breath I had taken in nearly two episodes. These eps had me on the razor's edge of sanity. I love her waiting outside for him and instantly pulling him into her arms. Just like Tim did for her in 5x22. I'm fine.....Imma cry as I write this. Horse heaven playing in my ears right now. Adding to my emotional state. These two getting me all weepy.

I’ll be honest I thought if a break up was coming, it was coming from Lucy the first time. Which is why this devastated me like it did. Having the full season in hand now. Makes total sense it’s Tim. At the time I thought would be her. But that wouldn’t be like Lucy at all. After everything he put her through. The secrets, the lies and shutting her out. She had every damn right. But she loves this man unconditionally. So unconditionally. Everything Lucy does in this scene is a reflection of that unconditional love. There to pick up his broken pieces despite all of that went down. Look at her in those gifs above.

Especially that second one. First time she took a breath too. So grateful to be here for him in this moment. I truly thought ���Oh. Maybe we’re ok... She’s hugging him.’ Encasing him in her arms. Trying to absorb all of his hurt. Supporting him the way he sought out days previous. Gently cradling him against her. It's the tender way she nestled her fingers at the back of his head that gets me. Tapping into some ship crack for me there. *phew* Honestly thought with her being there for him they would make it out unscathed. I truly did. The chemistry from this hug is unreal btw. Tim doesn’t feel worthy in the least. The way he slumps against her. Doesn’t really hug her back like normal. Can't see Lucy is so willing to absorb his hurt and pain. To love him through this. This hug is beautifully tragic.

Lucy releases him and he looks as broken as I’ve ever seen him. 4x09 x 1000 tbh. He shirks away from her. Hands in his pocket. So disgusted and ashamed with himself. Something l've learned in Pilates is posture and the importance of it. When you stand tall and at full height. You are confident and sure of yourself. When you are slumped it presents a lack of confidence, shame, and feeling unworthy. His posture is screaming that. Like he feels he shouldn’t even be in her presence right now. He crushes me with how he says he lied about everything.

Then sarcastically almost sardonically follows it up with ‘But hey it saved my job….’ The amount of disdain in his voice is gut wrenching. The whole reason he was in this Ray mess was to further himself. To keep his career intact. He saw a promotion and went for it at all costs. What he just did lying to IA was to be that same man again. (In his mind) To put his career first over what’s right. Risked people's lives again as well. People he loves. Sickens him ten years later he’s doing the same thing all over again. Even though it's so different this time. There is still nobility in it with saving Lucy and Lopez. But this man can't see that right now. Doesn't see any good in this situation or himself.

Lucy does her best to sympathize. Telling him it was an impossible situation. If it had been her she would’ve done the same thing. Thing is if it had been for Tim yes she would’ve without question. But he can’t see the forest for the trees atm. He is drowning absolutely drowning in his self-loathing. Tim continues on with the painful self flogging. Telling her she would’ve never been in his position. Putting her on a pedestal while he makes himself very very small. That OTP line from 6x03 from him 'You could never disappoint me.' That is true. The problem is he doesn't realize he could never disappoint her either. Tragically Tim doesn't view it that way. Only sees he's not worthy.

Lucy once again tries to pick up his pieces. Telling him he thought he could handle it. He was wrong but made it right. It’s like she can sense him pulling away in this moment. Doing her best to calm his fears about himself. Trying to do what she’s always done in years past best. Build him up. Soothe him. Sadly she isn’t gaining an inch of ground with him. He is stuck in how he feels and there is no budging him. Tim is morose saying he wishes it was that easy….We can see the incredible amount hurt on his face. Telling her he just lied to two men he deeply respects. He is coming undone rapidly and Lucy can see it. I adore her putting her hands on him. Trying to right his ship.

Ground him to her in this moment. Because once again it's something she’s done so well in the past. Tim is spiraling so hard he can’t see her gesture for what it is. Tells her he just betrayed everything he thought was right about himself. *heart clutch* Lucy can’t stand him talking down about himself. Tries to interrupt but Tim won’t allow it. Lucy graciously nods and lets him get it out. Especially when he tells her how hard this is for him. She is so wonderfully understanding it makes my heart ache. Tim feels like he is a bad guy. Thought he had gotten past this and was sucked back in so easily. Truly believed he had become a better person since then. (He has) Ray was right he was gonna blow up his entire life.

He just exposed Tim for the fraud he already felt he was. Bringing his greatest sin to light. Bringing up feelings of not being deserving. Of inadequacy. His abuse background pulling into the station and not leaving. Tim is back to a place of massive self loathing. Saying he has been lying to himself for years. Thinking he’s gotten better when he hasn’t. To him he reverted back to the man he thought he left behind. Not only that he put his person. The woman he loves at risk to cover up his past. To cover up his shame. It’s hitting him like a freight train of terrible realization. Continuing on to say he can’t go back to the way it was. I was hopeful when he said ‘Right now.’ Then followed it up with maybe never….

Lucy had been nodding along. Being so wonderfully empathetic and understanding. She was with him till he said that. Then she is hit with her own terrible realization. He’s leaving her. She is losing him. In the same parking lot where he told her to take a risk. Where she expressed her concern over losing him if they did. Worried about losing the most important relationship in her life due that risk. The same spot where he told her 'Unless it is.' A giant stab to our collective shipper hearts.

It's why Lucy is in a state of utter shock. As we all were tbh. She shakily asks him if he’s breaking up with her? When he said I’m sorry. I remember having to pause. Freak out and cry. I recall chanting ‘No no no….’ To myself repeatedly. My dog was very alarmed. Because I was distraught af. I couldn't believe this was really happening. My happy place was being decimated before my eyes.

Look at the range of emotions on Tim's face before he delivers that line though. Eric you why you doing this to me? They blow this scene out the damn water. it's so visceral. and raw. He looks like he's about to have a breakdown before he delivers that line. Battling with himself about it. There's a desperate need to want to stay with her. But his self doubt and hatred wins out knowing he isn't deserving. Do I think he came out thinking he was going to do this? A little. I think the more he spoke about it and himself the decision was made. He wasn't going to be be talked off this ledge.

The way Lucy replies after this rips my heart out. This break up feels like death by a thousand paper cuts. Months later and this hurts just as much as the first time. Lucy doesn't hold back in the least. Telling Tim he doesn't get to do that. Her line about using it as an excuse is so spot on. This Ray situation has hit VERY close to home for Tim. An insanely sensitive subject for him. It's rubbed against a wound that never really healed properly. Just was buried in the back of his mind.

He doesn’t have the capacity or emotional maturity to handle it. So he ejects out as a coping mechanism. Lucy calls his ass right away for it. It’s so painful to her that he is doing this excuse. Because it feels like a crappy cheat to them. To her. It's truly a cop out and our girl deserves better than this. Especially after all they’ve been through together. All that rapport and trust they’ve built over the years. It’s an insult to who they are as a couple and the relationship they’ve developed. Sadly that all vanishes in this moment. It’s stunning Lucy and straight murdering my feels.

Her ‘That's not okay.’ is a dagger to my shipper heart. The way she continues to repeat herself cause she's in shock. Ugh.This goes down as one of the most painful breakups I've had to go through. Lucy is so upset he is going this route. Melissa had a great interview (quite a few actually.) About the lie line and using it as an excuse for Tim. She noted Lucy is upset cause how he’s acting isn’t them. That they get to have these conversations. Not only have them but recover and grow from them. It’s what she expecting from him in this moment. It's what she expected from his 5x08 Mantra going into this relationship.

She is telling him I’ve got your back. I’ve got you. What are you doing? What happened to ‘Unless it is?’ Lucy continues to vehemently disagree with him. As she should. The worst part is Tim says ‘I know.’ Like he knows what he’s doing is wrong. Knows to eject after everything isn’t ok. Yet he can’t stop himself. He is not emotionally mature enough to handle this conversation properly. Also too blinded by his own self-hatred to see the unconditional love she is showing for him in this moment. God this is painful.

Tim then comes in with the breakup line of ‘You’re an incredible person.' Lucy can’t believe this shit . She really can’t. That Tim is is doing this to her. To them. Even though Tim is being genuine with his statement. You can hear it in his voice. Doesn't do anything to soothe the wounds he's causing. Once again Melissa crushing it with the upset body language. The mannerisms are so on point. Maybe it's because I'm Italian and I use my hands when I'm upset. I do exactly what she's doing. Why I appreciate it so much. It's so real.

It's a cop out what he is doing. 'It’s not you it’s me' schtick. We see the anger building in Lucy. She can't even look at him in the second gif. For him to toss away what they have is painful enough. To do it based off a cliched excuse is destroying Lucy. Thinking what they had was worth so much more than this. Thought they worth the nasty fights. No way she knows fully what happened or she would figure out why he's really doing this. That’s what makes the rest of Lucy's replies so god damn tragic. She is trying to hold onto him for dear life. But is only being pushed away in return...

Tim continues to push forward with this breakup. Letting her know she deserves better than him. It's SO much deeper than that but it's the only way he can convey it right now. Her ‘Oh my god…’ This is her worst nightmare. Her biggest fear come to life. This is why she hesitated starting this relationship. Why she was so afraid of risking her most important relationship. It's unfolding before her eyes and she can’t stop it.

Like a bad dream she can't seem to wake up from. We all wish we could...Tim has never felt worthy of Lucy’s love, light or praise. This reaction just proves that. It's been building for a long time and this is the final result of it. It’s not logical but a trauma brain rarely is. The amount of emotional and physical abuses he endured growing up left it's mark. Has him truly convinced Lucy could never love him knowing what he did. Tim feels he does not deserve her comfort, support or love.

Punishing himself and denying what he need most because he feels unworthy. Thinks he has made a mistake so grave there is no coming back for him. No way she could love him if she knew. So he like Angela stated earlier Tim is protecting himself. Pains me to watch. Now as I've said before it's not to excuse but to explain his side of it. I understand why he's doing it even if it's fucked up.

He doesn't give Lucy much more than she deserves better. Tells her it's why he's walking away. This man feels so undeserving of the love she has to give. In his mind he thinks he’s doing her a kindness. To separate herself from such a shameful and broken man. That she could do better than him. To Tim he made the biggest sin and can’t live with himself about it. He can't envision a world where Lucy would love him through it. The tragedy is she already was in this scene.

Lucy isn’t hearing any of it. Full on panic spiral that I shared in this moment. Her ‘Don’t do this. Why are you doing this?’ Is the most soul crushing part. She can feel him slipping through her hands. Like sand rushing through her fingertips. She can’t hold onto a grain of him. Can only stand there as he gives up on them. His face in the third gif...Knife to my soul. *screams into a pillow* It's killing him to walk away from her. Eric and his expressive eyes has me bawling. The quiver in his bottom lip as well. Gah it hurts to watch them both in so much pain. It’s the way she pulls away with one hand, but is clutching his other hand for dear life, that really gets me in that last gif.

Asking him once again why are you doing this? I shared that sentiment in this moment.. Tim stands firm in his decision to end them and rip all of our hearts out. Eric had a great quote about how Tim handed this whole thing. ‘He is impulsive and he reacts instead of thinking things through. And it can come out as a bit too strong.’ He feels he is a burden Lucy therefore he is removing himself. Not thinking about the damage it’s going to do to her. The immense regret he’s going to feel when he regulates a bit more.

Something therapy has taught me is we are ruled by our nervous system. Anxiety, stress, fear etc Tim’s was haywire in this moment. All of them going off at once. Not thinking clearly. Acting out of fight or flight. He took the flight option unfortunately. The tragic way he grabs her head and gives her the saddest head kiss. Shattering all of our hearts in the process. It’s the devastated look on his face when he strokes her hair and takes off. One final gut punch from him. It's like he’s leaving behind his greatest treasure and can’t bear to be around it any longer. Lucy is clutching to him until he departs. *snifffle*

The man actually thinks she is better off without him. Truly believes that. Even if Lucy had succeeded it keeping Tim, this would've reared it’s ugly head again down the road. This breakup ruined my friggin life. I kid you not. They were my happy place. My consistent happy place. And now that was gone. It affected my mental health a little too not gonna lie. I think I was in mourning for three weeks. Honestly I still am. Low key will be till they're fixed. Those three weeks were unbearable. But also needed. Thank you again to my bestie D for being my mourning partner through out that. Kept me sane.

That being said I think this will push them in the best direction. A healthier and stronger one. I truly believe that. I recently broke up with a friend who I had been friends with for ten years. It was very hard on me but time. Boundaries were being pushed and it wasn't healthy anymore. My therapist pointed me to a wonderful book called ‘Goodbyes and good boundaries. ’ While It helped heal my heart it also has really good pieces in it. Stuff made me think of this very ep tbh. Sure that wasn't her goal LOL But my brain is always in a Chenford state of mind in some way or another.

First one that made me think of them. ‘Health cannot bond to unhealth.’ As much as it wasn’t fair for Lucy. And god it wasn’t after everything else this season. Tim was in such a radioactive state staying with her wouldn’t have worked anyway. He was radiating turmoil. Lucy can do a lot for him but not this. He NEEDED therapy so much. There are things you learn in there that only your therapist can help you with. He was unhealth and Lucy was trying to keep her empathetic healthy self to him. It was never going to work. Not unless Tim put in some work. Which he couldn't at this point in time.

“Relationship often die not because of conversations never had but rather conversations needed but never had.” Another good one made me think of them. Tim was not ready in the least for the adult conversation required of him in this moment. Or their entire relationship really. They both danced around the issues a lot. 6x02 closest we got. Even then it was one sided. Thus them dying in this moment. Despite Lucy’s damndest to keep them afloat. Remind him of what they’re fighting for. Of why they started this. This breakup was painful af. Despite how this wrecked my world it’s going to be good for them in the long run.

I will say Lucy in that last gif was all of us in that moment. It was a soul crushing moment that decimated this fandom. Still blows my mind Melissa and Eric were surprised just how insanely devastated we were. Why they did those lovely posts during the three weeks. To thank us and to hold on. Growth is coming. They’re going to be even better after this. Doesn’t mean this didn’t hurt like a SOB and won’t long after they reunite. Curse you Eric and Melissa. You are incredible to evoke such emotions out of us all.

Thank you for going through this with me again. It wasn’t easy but they always worth it. Appreciate any and all comments, likes or reblogs I get. I shall see you all in 6x07 :)

Side notes non chenford

Balian doing the creepy bed thing again. Just have to note that.

Also can’t believe they didn’t end the ep with their breakup. There is a whole minute or so of I don’t give a shit after that scene. I was so distraught they could’ve had Nolan walk into a wall and I wouldn't have noticed.