#THE GAYS STAY LOSING :SOB:

[bbydoll18xx]

How Do I Get to Heaven?

'Without changing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven?'

Paige Bueckers x reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Themes: angst, slurs, religious trauma, HAPPY ENDING i promise

A/N: hiii so this one is super angsty and sad. I've been going through a rough time, and this is my way of coping. I kinda touched on these subjects in 'She's Such a Good Girl' part 2, and this is similar. I was obsessed with 'Heaven' by Troye Sivan when I was like 15-16 and the lyrics hit a little too hard. If you're gay and were raised in a religious household, I suggest taking a listen.

~

“He’s a fuckin’ faggot!”

“Hate the sin, love the sinner.”

“Those kinds of people are going straight to hell.”

Your face remained neutral. It had to. But you had years of practice, and while you were internally sobbing at the bigoted remarks, there was nothing you could do to stop it. So you stayed quiet, and you maintained your usual look of disinterest. 

Running up the stairs, you finally make it into the safehaven of your bedroom. You shut the door quietly, trying to avoid seeming as if anything is wrong or out of the ordinary. Nothing could possibly be wrong. You were the perfect child; straight As, never in trouble, and you always were eager to help out around the house. But you were harboring a dirty little secret that threatened to rip you from the grips of being the golden girl of your family. 

Sobs wracked your body as you slid onto the carpeted floor of your room. What had started off as an innocent dinner had turned into a nightmare. Slurs were thrown around casually, and unbeknownst to your family, you were the unidentified target. Your sexuality was the reason you had become an empty shell of a person, riddled with fear of accidentally outting yourself. And the anxieties you felt were bubbling up, threatening to ruin the perfect image of yourself that you had crafted for your loved ones. 

This wasn’t the first time. And it surely would not be the last. 

Your family had always claimed to love you. Your childhood was a happy one, but you feared the truth would break everyone. And even if they found out and still claimed to love you, you knew they would always see you differently. Gone would be the girl they knew, and their eager touts would be replaced with hushed whispers. You’d forever be known as “the gay one.” And you fucking resented that.

So here you sat on the floor, trying to quiet your sobs as you mourned the loss of the life you once knew and the people who would eventually turn their backs to you. 

Summer was ending, and soon you would be fleeing back to college, where your guard could be let down just enough to show the world a glimpse of who you really were and who you really wanted to love. 

There was just one girl who you wanted to love you back.

Paige Bueckers was your best friend. And she was so very gay. 

Since meeting her at the beginning of freshman year, she had pulled you out of a darkness that had resided in you since you had realized your feelings towards girls. It did not take long for you to fall madly, head-over-heels in love with her, but you had vowed to ignore it. 

Even if there was any hope of reciprocated feelings, you knew deep down that being in love with a girl would mean having to come out to your family. And you were just not ready for that. You weren’t sure if you would ever be ready for that. 

The thought terrified you. You knew you were willingly inhibiting a possibility of incredible happiness and love, but because it was at the risk of losing your loved ones, you were shutting it all out. 

‘Fuck. I really need therapy,’ you think miserably. 

That was the understatement of the century.

~

The new school year starts, and Uconn’s campus is ablaze with excited students and the possibilities of what is to come. You are finally starting to feel like yourself again, and the second your parents leave your apartment, you don a t-shirt plastered with Diana Taurasi’s face on it. 

You could finally get your gay card back.

A loud knock rings through the empty apartment, and before you could get to the door to answer it, Paige is peeking her head through it, a huge grin covering her face. 

She wastes no time barreling through the room, sweeping you up in a hug and spinning you around. Your feet leave the ground, causing your stomach to flip, and your legs automatically wrap around her waist for leverage. 

“Someone missed me,” you giggle, feeling breathless from being back in Paige’s tight embrace. You had been dreaming of this since you last saw her, back in July. 

“Course I did,” she chuckles, voice muffled against your hair. “You glad to be back?”

You groan. “Fuck, yeah I am. Lookin’ forward to not hearing some slurs for a bit,” you say, fist-pumping the air with a dramatic roll of the eyes. “And I’m especially looking forward to not having to listen to Fox fuckin’ News,” you add, pretending to gag.

Paige’s eyes rake over you, and she pouts, already knowing how your family could be. She had listened to your endless rants and your pathetic cries for the past three years. 

“I think you should just move in with me after this year ends. That way you don’t have to put up with that shit. Then we can be together after graduation,” she says earnestly. 

This was not the first time she had proposed this idea. And while you were internally jumping at the idea, the fear of how it would look to your family made you shy away. Paige wasn’t exactly the most straight-looking girl. Living with her would make things complicated. Your covert feelings had no place in a situation like that. 

You sigh. “I’ll think about it, P,” you promise, linking your pinky with hers, as you always did. 

~

Christmas break quickly rolls around, and Paige’s words are still playing in the back of your mind. Your feelings for her had grown, as if that was even possible, and having to leave her and the safety and warmth that came with her, was agonizing. 

Sitting against the hard back of the pew in your family’s Catholic church, you look around, thinking about how these people would be okay with you burning in hell forevermore. The familiar feeling of shame creeps back into your chest, the flames licking at your wounds. 

You wanted to run and hide. You wanted Paige. 

The Christmas activities persist, and amongst the holiday cheer and piles of gifts, uncomfortable conversations emerge, and you shrink back to your room, desperate for respite.

You felt so fucking abandoned. This was supposed to be a time to enjoy with your family, and instead you were hiding.

There was one person, though, you knew would not abandon you, and that was Paige. Her presence was enough to lessen the sting of the inevitable rejection of your family, and in that moment, it was enough. 

Pulling out your phone, you dial her number, longing to hear her voice, all the way from Montana. Christmas break could not end quickly enough. 

Paige’s smiling face is soon on your phone screen, but it falls as soon as she sees the tears falling down your cheeks and your wobbling bottom lip.

“Oh, baby, what happened?” She asks in a hushed whisper, voice full of anger and concern. 

“They hate me,” you cry. “They fucking hate me, and they don’t even know it yet.”

Paige sighs, trying to find the right words. While she had always had acceptance from those around her, she knew how difficult it was for you to be at home, and she desperately wished to take away your anguish. 

“I love you,” she stresses. “And I know that doesnt fix your family treating you like shit, but soon you’ll be back and everything won’t seem as shitty, I promise.” 

You nod, wiping at your eyes with the sleeve of your sweatshirt. 

She loved you. And you knew that. But you wanted her to love you in the way you loved her. For now, you would take what you could get.

“Just a few more days,” she assures, and you feel the tiniest bit better.

Just a few more days. 

~

The start of the new year always engenders change, and you had promised yourself as the clock chimed to signify it was midnight that this would be the year you would hike up your big girl panties and figure out your shit with Paige. Your senior year had to slow down, and Paige’s proposal had been in the back of your mind since August. 

If you could get over your stupid crush on her, things would be all good and dandy, but your efforts to eradicate her place in your heart were futile. You had mused it over nearly a million times. Maybe you’d eventually get over her, and maybe she would have some bizarre habit that would inevitably give you the ick, ridding you of all romantic feelings toward her. 

You could only hope. 

You pump yourself up on the way over to Paige’s apartment, encouraging words forming on your lips, leaving a trail of fog from your warm breath against the cold air. 

You knock on her door, cheeks pink from the frigid temperatures of Connecticut in January, grateful that it hides your blush. Paige opens the door, eyes wide and hopeful. She always looked so damn alluring. 

Your words leave your mouth before your chary mind could overtake you. “I want to move in with you after school ends. I can’t go back to living like that.”

Paige’s features twist into a smile, and she pulls you in for a hug. “Gonna take such good care of you,” she whispers, and you believe her. Your arms wrap around her middle, anchoring you to the floor. 

“I should probably tell you, though,” she trails, her voice getting smaller as she takes a deep breath. 

You look up at her, confusedly. “Tell me what?”

“I love you. And not just like as a friend. So if you don’t want to live with me because of that, I get it,” she mumbles, eyes trained on the floor.

Your breath quickens at the realization. Paige loved you. And the thought of being a colossal disappointment to your family and potentially cast out did not seem to matter as much anymore. Because here was someone who loved every part of you and accepted the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

The look of shock swiftly morphs into one of unbridled euphoria, and without another thought, you pull Paige in for a kiss. It was filled with the pure longing and want of years of uncontrollable urges and repressed thoughts, and it nearly made all the shittiness worth it.

Pulling away, Paige links her pinky with yours again, just as she had back in August. It was an unspoken promise of love. And while you knew the journey would be inexorably difficult, Paige was worth it in the end. 

~

dang that was rough lol but thanks for reading as always:) I really hope this wasn't too triggering or anything for anyone. This has been such a nice outlet for my pain and anger, as I really don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff. I am here for everyone who can relate. My inbox is open if you guys ever want/need to talk

xoxo katy

[playboysaleen]

Through Ash and Iron (8)

Jinx x Reader x Caitlyn

Summary: Through Ash and Iron plunges you into the heart of Piltover’s gritty streets, where you’ve always felt the weight of your family’s failures. Rejected from the Junior Enforcer Program, your anger burns brighter than ever—until one fateful punch changes everything. The eyes of Piltover’s elite may look down on you, but it’s the wild eyes of Jinx that truly see you. She’s chaos personified, and you’re drawn to the destruction she promises. But that’s not all. Caitlyn Kiramman, a poised enforcer with a soft spot for rebels like you, offers you a chance to rewrite your future—if you can control the rage you can’t seem to escape.Torn between the order Caitlyn represents and the dangerous freedom Jinx offers, you stand at the crossroads of two worlds. As your power grows, so does the tension between these two women. One promises a chance at belonging, while the other ignites a fire you didn’t know you had. But the choices you make will change everything—not just for you, but for both cities teetering on the edge of war. Who will you choose? And how much of yourself will you lose along the way?

Warnings: Violence duh, gay panic(lol), cursing, all that jazz (whatever you seen in Arcane is what you gon see here)This is also a slight AU.(She/her)

Word Count: 4.8k

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   Jinx’s tools clattered to the ground as she took a shaky step forward. “No… no, you don’t get to leave!” she shouted, her voice breaking. She grabbed at her hair, tugging it violently, her usual manic energy replaced with raw, unfiltered despair. “You promised! You said you’d stay! You’re not allowed to leave me!”

Caitlyn fell to her knees, her composure completely shattering. She pressed a hand against her mouth, trying to stifle the sobs that escaped anyway. “No… not like this. Not like this…” Her eyes, red and glistening, locked onto your lifeless form.

Heimerdinger shook his head gravely, his tiny frame trembling. “This… this was not supposed to happen. The Arcane energy… it—it must’ve been too much. I—”

Ekko staggered back, staring at his hands as though they had committed the gravest sin. “I was trying to save her… I—” His voice cracked, and he turned away, unable to look at what he had done.

       Jinx stood frozen, staring at your lifeless body. Her trembling hands reached for you, but she hesitated. Her lips quivered as her voice came out as a broken whisper. “You’re still here… right? Tell me you’re still here.” Her hand finally cupped your cheek, only to feel the coldness of your skin. Tears spilled freely down her face as she collapsed against your chest. “You’re supposed to save me, dummy… How am I supposed to—” Her words dissolved into incoherent sobs.

Caitlyn, shaking, crawled toward you. Her hand brushed against yours, her fingers curling around it tightly. “Please… come back,” she whispered. “You’ve fought through everything—don’t let this be the end.”

The monitors began to shift, erratic data flashing across the screen. Heimerdinger stepped forward, his large eyes narrowing. “Wait… something’s happening.” His tiny paw hovered over the console.

The Arcane stimulant began to pulse within you. The faintest glow ignited in your chest, spreading outward in faint threads of light. It wasn’t your gray, nor the feral purple—it was something else entirely.

Ekko straightened. “Is… is it working?”

Jinx pulled back, her tear-streaked face watching with desperate hope. Caitlyn held your hand tighter, leaning closer as if her presence could guide you back.

You opened your eyes, but there was no world around you. No ground beneath your feet, no horizon, no stars, no sky—just an endless void stretching infinitely in all directions. It wasn’t dark, nor was it light. It was an absence. The nothingness pressed against you like an unseen weight, heavy and disorienting.

You tried to speak, but your voice was swallowed by the void, your words dissipating into silence before they could form. A creeping unease settled in your chest. Were you… dead?

You looked down at yourself. Your body felt strange, foreign. It wasn’t physical, yet you could feel its shape. Your chest burned faintly with a golden glow, threads of light rippling outward like veins of molten energy, pulsating softly.

“Hello?” you called out, though it sounded less like your voice and more like a thought spilling out. There was no answer. Nothing. You took a tentative step forward, and though there was no ground, you moved.

Then you saw him.

A figure emerged from the abyss, his presence as sharp and striking as a blade cutting through the void. Viktor. His silhouette was lean, his form almost frail, yet there was an undeniable strength in the way he carried himself. His cane clicked softly against nothingness, echoing louder than it should have in the oppressive silence.

He stepped closer, his face illuminated by the faint glow of your chest. The lines of his gaunt features were as you remembered—angular, weary, but with a kind of brilliance that burned beneath his sunken eyes. His mechanical leg whirred softly with each step, the faint blue glow of Hextech circuitry tracing intricate patterns along the limb. His cane was a masterpiece of precision and design, gleaming with the same blue light.

When his amber eyes finally met yours, they seemed to cut through you, like they could see everything—your thoughts, your fears, your very soul.

“Lost, are we?” he asked, his voice calm, measured. There was a hint of amusement, but it was tempered with something deeper—curiosity, maybe even pity.

“Who are you?” you asked, your voice trembling slightly.

His lips twitched into a faint smile. “Who I am is of little importance. It is who you are that interests me.”

He stepped closer, his eyes never leaving you as they traced the golden glow emanating from your chest. His gaze flickered over you, and you could feel him peeling back layers of you with every passing second.

“You’ve been wandering through this story like a stray thread in a tapestry,” he said, his tone clinical yet strangely intimate. “Weaving yourself through the lives of others, pulling them together, unravelling yourself in the process. Fascinating.”

“I… I don’t understand,” you murmured, your voice shaky. “What’s happening? Why am I here?”

Viktor tilted his head, his expression thoughtful. “You have always been torn between two worlds, haven’t you? Piltover and Zaun. Light and shadow. Chaos and control. Even love—” His gaze sharpened as he continued. “You tether yourself to two anchors, yet you let the storm within you rage on. Jinx and Caitlyn. Opposing forces, yet both essential to you. You carry their marks like scars, unwilling to let go.”

His words hit like a blow to your chest. He was right. Every word.

“You think you’ve been the hero in this story,” he continued, his voice softening. “The savior. But you’ve been a mirror all along, haven’t you? Reflecting the best and worst of those around you. You push them to change, to grow, even as you lose pieces of yourself in the process. Admirable… but unsustainable.”

Viktor’s gaze dropped to the golden glow in your chest, his eyes narrowing with an almost predatory intensity. “And now look at you. A vessel for something greater than you can comprehend. It burns in you, doesn’t it? The Arcane. It calls to you.”

He reached out, his long, elegant fingers stopping just short of the glow. “Do you feel it? The weight of its importance? You are not merely a person. You are a key.”

“A key to what?” you demanded, fear creeping into your voice.

Viktor chuckled softly, a dry, humorless sound. “Ah, that is the question, isn’t it? To open doors, or to close them? That is for you to decide.”

As Viktor’s words sank in, flashes of memory began to ripple through the void. Faces, voices, moments.

You saw Jinx’s wild grin, the way her eyes softened when she looked at you. The way her hand trembled when she grabbed your face earlier, grounding you like no one else could.

You saw Caitlyn’s calm determination, the way she held your hand even as her world fell apart around her. The way she whispered promises to stay, no matter how broken you were.

And then you saw others—Ekko, Isha, even Sevika. The faces of people who had carved themselves into your soul.

“You care for them,” Viktor said, his voice cutting through the torrent of memories. “Deeply. They are your compass, your home. But you…” He gestured to the glow in your chest. “You are so much more. To them. To this world. To the Arcane itself.”

Tears stung your eyes as you whispered, “I don’t want to lose them.”

Viktor’s expression softened, a rare moment of humanity breaking through his analytical exterior. “Then hold onto them. They are your strength.”

Viktor turned, his cane clicking as he began to walk into the abyss. The void seemed to ripple and shift around him, shadows folding into themselves as he moved.

“Wait!” you called out, desperation rising in your chest. “Where are you going?”

He paused, glancing back at you with a small, enigmatic smile. “Come,” he said, his voice low and inviting. “We have so much to work on.”

And then, without another word, he disappeared into the darkness, leaving you with a choice—and a faint thread of hope.

The laboratory was still. Heimerdinger stood over your body, his small frame illuminated by the soft glow of the monitors surrounding him. His furry brows furrowed deeply as he scanned the readings, his normally bright demeanor dulled by an overwhelming sense of solemnity.

Jinx sat slumped against the wall, her knees drawn to her chest, staring blankly at the floor. The usual chaos in her eyes had dimmed, replaced with an uncharacteristic stillness. Caitlyn was standing by the far end of the room, one hand clutched over her mouth, the other gripping the edge of a table so tightly her knuckles had turned white. Ekko paced back and forth, his movements erratic, barely able to look at you for more than a few seconds before averting his gaze. Even Sevika stood frozen, leaning against the wall, uncharacteristically quiet.

Heimerdinger finally sighed, the weight of his years evident in the heaviness of the sound. He turned to face them all, his ears drooping as he shook his head. “They’re gone.”

The words shattered the room like glass.

“No…” Jinx’s voice was barely a whisper at first, but it grew louder, more desperate. “No, no, no!” She slammed her fists into the floor, her voice breaking as tears streamed down her face. “You’re lying! You don’t know what you’re talking about, you old furball! They can’t be gone!”

Caitlyn’s knees buckled, and she caught herself on the table, her breaths coming in shallow gasps as tears spilled over her cheeks. She turned away from the group, biting her lip so hard it nearly drew blood, but the sobs racking her body betrayed her.

Ekko stopped pacing, his hands trembling as he buried his face in them, muttering under his breath. “This isn’t right… it’s not supposed to end like this. They don’t deserve this.”

Sevika clenched her jaw, her mechanical arm twitching as she gripped the hilt of her blade. “Damn it,” she muttered, her voice thick with emotion. She turned away, trying to mask the tears glistening in her eye, but it was no use.

Heimerdinger, visibly shaken by the grief surrounding him, turned back to the monitors for a final glance. He didn’t want to believe it either. His ancient hands tapped at the keys, adjusting the parameters, searching for anything—anything.

And then, something caught his eye.

A flicker. Barely perceptible, but it was there. A faint, irregular blip on the monitor. Heimerdinger’s ears perked up, his eyes widening as he leaned closer. The blip grew steadier, stronger, and then it formed into a weak but distinct rhythm.

The monitor showed a heartbeat.

Heimerdinger turned back to the group, his voice trembling with urgency. “Wait! Everyone, come here! Quickly!”

Jinx scrambled to her feet, nearly tripping over herself as she ran to the monitor. Caitlyn pushed herself upright, wiping at her tears as she hurried over. Ekko and Sevika followed, their expressions shifting from despair to disbelief.

“What is it?” Caitlyn asked, her voice cracking.

Heimerdinger pointed at the screen. “It’s faint, but they’re still here. Their heartbeat—it’s weak, but it’s there!”

Jinx gasped, her hands flying to her mouth as she stared at the screen. “They’re alive? They’re alive?!” Her voice broke into 

a hysterical laugh, tears still streaming down her face. “I told you! I told you they weren’t gone!”

Caitlyn let out a shaky breath, her hand clutching her chest as relief washed over her. She closed her eyes, tears still falling, but this time they were tears of hope. “Thank the heavens…” she whispered.

Ekko exhaled sharply, his hands dropping to his sides as a wry smile tugged at his lips. “You scared the hell out of us, you stubborn idiot,” he muttered under his breath.

Sevika snorted, though her voice wavered. “They’ve got a hell of a survival instinct, I’ll give ‘em that.”

Jinx moved to your side, her hands trembling as she hovered them over your face, afraid to touch you but desperate to feel your warmth. “Hey… hey, you’re still with us, right?” she whispered, her voice soft and uncharacteristically tender. “Don’t you dare leave me, okay? I can’t… I won’t lose you.”

Caitlyn stepped closer, her hand finding yours as she gripped it tightly. “We’re here,” she said softly, her voice steady despite the tears streaking her face. “We’re not going anywhere. Stay with us.”

Heimerdinger glanced between the two women, his expression a mix of awe and contemplation. “It’s remarkable,” he murmured, almost to himself. “Even in such a weakened state, their body responds to you both. Your presence anchors them. Perhaps…”

He paused, his brilliant mind already working through possibilities, before nodding decisively. “Perhaps love truly is the strongest medicine.”

The abyss stretched endlessly around you, its emptiness so profound it felt like it could swallow you whole. Viktor’s voice was your only tether to reality, calm and deliberate, yet laced with a tone that carried a weight of inevitability.

“You are the key,” he repeated, his words echoing like a chant in the void.

“The key to what?” you demanded, frustration edging your tone as you trailed him. Each step felt weightless, as though you were walking on air, yet the path Viktor followed was clear and unwavering.

He didn’t answer directly. Instead, his head tilted slightly, and a small, almost wistful smile crossed his face. “Even keys do not know the doors they will unlock.”

As you followed him, the nothingness began to shift. First came faint glimmers, soft and golden, like sunlight breaking through clouds. Then the darkness gave way to vibrant hues—blues, purples, and greens swirling together, forming an ethereal landscape.

It was breathtaking.

You found yourself standing amidst crystalline formations that pulsed faintly with life, their surfaces reflecting galaxies within. Above, the sky was a tapestry of endless colors, each shimmering as though alive. The ground beneath you glowed faintly, translucent and soft, humming with energy.

“What… is this?” you whispered, awe evident in your voice.

“My sanctuary,” Viktor replied simply, his tone calm yet reverent. His cane clicked softly against the crystalline floor as he walked, his movements fluid despite the wear of his body. “A fragment of what the Arcane can create when it flows freely—without greed, without ambition. Pure and uncorrupted.”

You stood frozen, trying to take it all in, but Viktor turned to face you, his amber eyes piercing as they met yours. “This is what lies within you. This, and so much more.”

“I don’t understand,” you said, your voice shaky. “You keep saying I’m a key, that I’m important. But why? What am I supposed to do?”

Viktor chuckled softly, a sound that was both amused and resigned. “If you survive this—if you truly unlock what lies within—you will not just wield shimmer’s strength. You will command the Arcane itself.”

His words hung in the air, their weight settling heavily on your shoulders. “Why me?” you asked, the question a quiet plea.

He approached you slowly, his gaze unreadable, until he stood directly before you. His eyes swept over your form before resting on your chest, where the faint golden glow pulsed steadily. He raised a thin, scarred hand and gently tapped the spot, his touch cold and deliberate.

The moment his fingers met your skin, your vision exploded with light.

You gasped as the sanctuary vanished, replaced by scenes that moved faster than you could comprehend. You saw yourself standing tall, a radiant figure cloaked in glowing energy. Around you, Piltover and the Undercity were no longer at war; they were united, thriving. Bridges no longer bore scars of destruction but connected two flourishing cities.

You saw yourself healing others—wounds mended with a touch, despair replaced with hope. Children laughed, families embraced, and the air was filled with joy.

Viktor’s voice narrated softly, almost as though he were reading a story from a book. “You will bring balance where none has existed. Heal where there has only been harm. Unite where there has only been division.”

The images shifted, showing Caitlyn and Jinx. Their faces were vivid, filled with admiration and love as they stood by your side. Caitlyn’s hand brushed yours, her gaze steady and full of trust. Jinx leaned against your shoulder, her wild grin tempered by a rare sense of peace.

“They are your anchors,” Viktor murmured. “Through them, you are grounded. Through you, they will find purpose.”

The visions faded, and you were once again standing in Viktor’s sanctuary. Your chest ached, the golden glow brighter now, pulsing with a rhythm that felt alive. Viktor was watching you intently, his expression unreadable.

You met his gaze, your breaths coming in shallow gasps as the enormity of what you’d seen settled over you. “Is that… what I’m meant to do?” you asked, your voice trembling.

“Not meant,” Viktor corrected. “Capable. What you do with this power will be yours to decide.” He stepped back into the shadows, his figure becoming harder to discern. “Come. We have so much to work on.”

You hesitated, the weight of the visions still pressing down on you, but then you straightened, resolve hardening in your chest. “I’m ready.”

Viktor paused, his head tilting as though he were smiling. “We shall see.”

The laboratory was a quiet sanctuary, filled with the hum of machines and the occasional soft shuffle of Ekko’s footsteps. Your body lay still, suspended in a fragile equilibrium between life and something else entirely. Wires and glowing tubes extended from the machines into your skin, pulsing faintly with energy. The golden hue in your chest would occasionally flicker, a subtle reminder of the Arcane’s persistent work within you.

Heimerdinger would often check the monitors, his furrowed brows and quiet muttering betraying his frustration. “Let the Arcane do its work,” he repeated like a mantra, though his tone carried doubt as if even he couldn’t comprehend the forces now governing your existence.

Ekko, on the other hand, was a constant presence. He moved between the monitors and your bedside, his expression oscillating between hope and guilt. He blamed himself for the stimulator—he’d acted in desperation. Now, all he could do was watch, his vibrant energy tempered by quiet prayers whispered under his breath.

Jinx had taken to the undercity with a vengeance, stepping into the role you left behind. Her manic energy was now focused, her weapons and inventions a means to protect the people who whispered your name in reverence. “They think you’re dead,” Sevika had said one day, her tone rough but her words deliberate. “But you’re not. Not while I’ve got anything to say about it.”

Jinx hadn’t responded, but her actions spoke volumes. She made sure the undercity thrived, even striking uneasy truces where necessary. The most unexpected of these alliances was with Caitlyn Kiramman.

Caitlyn, now Commander of Piltover, was navigating uncharted waters. Negotiating peace with the undercity had seemed impossible months ago, but with you absent, it became a shared goal between her and Jinx. Neither admitted it aloud, but both carried the weight of your absence like a heavy chain. And while their meetings were filled with tension, there was an unspoken understanding between them: they both loved you, and that love was enough to forge a fragile bond.

Jinx came often, though she never stayed long. She didn’t like Ekko seeing her vulnerable, and Heimerdinger’s endless observations annoyed her. But in the quiet moments when it was just you and her, she would sit by your side, her mismatched eyes scanning your face as though willing you to wake.

She’d hold your hand, her thumb brushing over your knuckles. Sometimes, she’d lean forward and press a kiss to your lips, the gesture tender but filled with frustration. “Wake up, you idiot,” she whispered once, her voice cracking. “I’ve got a whole city to run, and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing without you.”

One day, Isha arrived, her small frame slipping silently into the lab. She didn’t say a word—she never did—but her wide, expressive eyes took in every detail of your still form. She climbed onto the bed, sitting cross-legged beside you, her little hands carefully smoothing out the blanket over your chest. Then, she pulled out a bundle of papers, her latest drawings.

There you were, crudely sketched in crayon, standing tall with her and Jinx at your sides. Another drawing showed you holding her hand as she smiled brightly. Isha placed the pictures carefully by your bedside, her lips pressed into a tight line as if willing you to notice her effort.

Caitlyn’s visits were different. They came late at night, long after the lab had emptied. She would arrive still in her Commander’s uniform, exhaustion clinging to her like a second skin. She sat beside you, her fingers running absentmindedly through your hair as she whispered about her day.

“I met with Jinx again today,” she murmured during one visit. “She’s… difficult. But I see what you see in her. She loves you in her own way. I suppose I can’t fault her for that.”

Sometimes, when her words failed her, she would just sit in silence, her hand resting on yours. The cool steel of her gloves felt stark against your warmth, a reminder of the distance between you even as she stayed close.

On rare nights, when the weight of her emotions became too much, she leaned down and pressed a kiss to your forehead. It was always brief, always gentle, as though she feared waking you. “I’ll be back soon,” she whispered once, her voice trembling. “You’ll wake up, and I’ll be here. I promise.”

The people who loved you waited in their own ways. Jinx fought for you, her love a wildfire that burned through every obstacle. Caitlyn mourned you, her love a quiet, steady beacon guiding her actions. And in the silence of the lab, surrounded by wires and machines, they all clung to hope.

It was Ekko who noticed first. A faint blip on the monitor, so faint he thought it was a glitch. But when he leaned closer, he saw it: a single, weak heartbeat.

“Guys,” he called out, his voice breaking the stillness. “Guys! She’s—she’s alive!”

Hope ignited like wildfire. Jinx froze in her tracks as the words sank in, while Caitlyn dropped the stack of reports she’d been reviewing. They all crowded around you, their faces a mix of disbelief and cautious optimism.

The golden glow in your chest flickered stronger, as if responding to their presence. Slowly, painfully, the pieces of you were starting to come back together.

The quiet in the lab was palpable, heavy with anticipation and unspoken fear. Everyone stood in the soft, dim light, their eyes fixed on you as you slowly stirred, the machines around you clicking and whirring in a steady rhythm. The golden glow in your chest had dulled but still pulsed faintly, an anchor to the reality of your existence.

You blinked, your gaze shifting around the room, taking in the familiar faces. There was no anger or ferocity in your expression anymore. No explosive energy. Instead, you were calm, almost serene, your features softening as you met their eyes. You looked different—not as the untamed force you once were, but as something gentler. Something with purpose.

Jinx was the first to step forward, her eyes wide and full of relief. The wild energy that typically radiated off of her had dimmed, replaced by a quiet awe as she watched you. Without a word, she moved toward you, her arms reaching for you instinctively. And you didn’t hesitate.

You stood, your body moving slowly but with certainty, and wrapped her in an embrace. The world seemed to fade away as you pulled her close, feeling the weight of the time that had passed between you two.

Jinx’s breath hitched as you pressed a kiss against her lips, soft and lingering, a kiss that spoke of the love and longing you had kept hidden, now spilling out like a dam breaking. She melted into you, her arms clinging tighter, as if she feared this moment would slip away.

You pulled back reluctantly, your gaze softening as you looked down at Isha, who had quietly moved to your side. You reached out and pulled her into a gentle hug, your arms wrapping around her small frame. The softness of her hair against your cheek grounded you, her silent presence speaking volumes.

When you finally released Isha, your attention shifted. You felt Caitlyn’s eyes on you from the edge of the room, her gaze filled with an intensity you hadn’t seen before. Slowly, you walked toward her, each step deliberate and filled with a newfound tranquility. You could feel her nervousness, the way she held herself back as if unsure of what to expect from you now. But you didn’t hesitate.

You wrapped your arms around Caitlyn in a quiet embrace, feeling her stiffen for just a moment before she melted into you, her warmth soothing against your skin. You pressed your cheek against her hair, inhaling the familiar scent of her. Then, in the silence between you, you whispered softly in her ear.

“I heard everything… I always have.”

The words lingered in the air, and you felt her body stiffen momentarily, her breath catching in her throat. Your heart ached at the raw emotion you could hear in her silence. You didn’t wait for her to speak. Instead, you pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead—your first true, intimate gesture towards her.

Caitlyn’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment, and when she looked at you, there was a quiet tenderness in her gaze. She didn’t say anything, but the way she held you tightly, as if she never wanted to let go, was enough.

You pulled away, your eyes moving over to Sevika. The larger woman, who had been observing the scene quietly from the corner, gave you a sharp nod, but there was a softness in her eyes. She knew, perhaps better than anyone, what it had taken to get to this moment.

You nodded back, the connection between you two unspoken but understood. There was still so much unhealed, but the tension had shifted, if only slightly.

Your gaze shifted then, looking toward the machines that had once been connected to your body. The sight of the wires and monitors, the lifeless forms of the machines that had kept you tethered to this world of science and experimentation, didn’t stir the anger it once might have. Instead, it seemed distant.

It wasn’t the machinery that you cared about anymore. No, your focus now turned to the workbench where Ekko had been working tirelessly on the Hextech prototype.

A feeling of curiosity bubbled within you, the pull toward the device undeniable. Without a word, you walked across the room, the soft clicking of your shoes against the floor the only sound as the others watched you in a strange mix of hope and wariness.

The moment you reached the workbench, the energy in the room shifted. Everyone’s gaze snapped to you as your hand reached out and hovered over the device, its small form pulsing with a soft blue glow.

Without hesitation, you seized it, your fingers wrapping around the metal surface. A bright white light exploded from your body, your eyes lighting up with a ferocity that sent chills down everyone’s spine. Your pulse quickened, the glow within you building in intensity, and before anyone could react, the Hextech device disintegrated into ash in your grasp, crumbling to dust in the blink of an eye.

Everyone froze, their faces a mixture of awe and fear. But you simply stood there, your eyes still glowing bright white as you slowly turned toward them.

“Peace,” you spoke, your voice rich with both confidence and calm, “will not come from chains or control. It is born from understanding… and from destruction.”

The room held its breath as you gazed out at the faces before you, your expression enigmatic, as though you were seeing a future far beyond the present. Your eyes flickered with the faintest hint of a smile, but there was something darker behind it—an understanding of what it would take to mend the broken world you had come from.

“Shimmer, Arcane, machines—everything in its time will break and rebuild,” you continued, your words like riddles but dripping with a truth only you seemed to know. “This world has been divided by too many walls, but soon… there will be no walls at all.”

As you spoke, there was a certainty in your tone, and your eyes glowed even brighter, if that was possible. You weren’t just someone who had come back from the dead. You were something else now—a force. A conduit of change.

And as you stood there, speaking in riddles, it was clear: nothing would be the same again.

__________________

Let me cook, i aint forget about the dish-

[ghostlycod]

ghost and johnny “I swear to God I’m not gay” mactavish

MDNI ; NSFW

cw: lowkey kinda coercive and dubcon but not reallyyyyyy (ok yes kinda really)

this is not proofread like at all lol

————————————————————————

it’s been three weeks in this dilapidated house, half of it a rubble of concrete, and they haven’t gotten any new orders ever since “stay put and wait for evac” and without orders they can’t leave and it’s been months on this deploy, in the fucking desert, and that new assistant price has got back at the office was driving him mad just before they left and—

and ghost is there. it’s just the two of them together and it’s like one minute soap is easing that fever that’s been burning underneath his skin by talking to ghost about how bad he wants to fuck price’s new assistant and then the next he somehow finds himself with ghost’s fist wrapped around his cock, pumping soap furiously as his precum and ghost’s spit mingle together on his length. the sound is so wet and filthy and loud in the quiet hovel they’ve made into a base. it turns his ears bright red with how utterly debauched the sounds are, how completely wrecked it’s making him, and to make the embarrassment even worse it’s his lieutenant that’s doing this to him—

“I swear ‘m not gay or anything, I’m not-“ he chokes back a sob as ghost flicks his wrist on the next upstroke. “stop it, stop it,” he’s whining desperately, yet his hips thrust back into ghost’s firm hands and soap finds his own hands bunching on ghost’s massive biceps, squeezing them and pulling him closer, noses almost touching as they both huff the same air.

“‘course you’re not.” ghost shushes him. “you just keep talkin’ ‘bout that pretty bird you wanna fuck when we get back.”

and he does, he does wanna fuck the pretty bird as soon as he gets back. pull her into the nearest supply closet or bathroom and stuff her full until she creams on his cock— only every time he thinks about his stupid cock he thinks about how good his lieutenant’s hand feels around it right now and how good the gravel in his voice sounds telling johnny, “there, just like that, that’s a good boy,” and he fucking keens.

“honestly, honestly I swear to god I’m not— stop it, ah, stop it! I’m gonna—“

the bottom of the mask comes up to reveal ghost’s scarred lips as he dips his head down, taking the tip of johnny into his warm, wet mouth.

he cums like an animal, grunting and huffing and clinging to his mate like a lifeline as the searing sensation of ghost’s hot tongue licking his tip hits him in a rush, pushing him over the edge and into pure heaven, out of him own body and floating above himself as he watches ghost suck every drop of his cum from him and swallow.

he floats back down into his body, eyes wild and breathing heavy, still clutching to ghost. he’s pulled the mask back down his face, hiding behind it once more.

“that— that was,” he can’t catch his breath.

“s’alrigh’.” ghost says quietly, rubbing his clean hand against soap’s back as he pulls him in.

“I didnae ask you to do that,” soap mumbles into ghost’s shoulder, trying to catch his breath. “I didnae ask for it. I’m not into that, I’m not.”

“Mhm,” ghost hums as soap huffs into his chest.

whatever you have to tell yourself. ghost thinks. but soap will come around. he knows he will. he’ll resist it now, but he won’t forget how it felt to cum into his mouth, to lose himself just from ghost’s hands. he’ll come back around at some point, begging for more. maybe in the showers when they get back, or in the barracks knocking on his door late at night, or in the gym after they’ve been sparring and ghost has got soap pinned beneath him, perfect for rutting their clothed cocks together until they both cum. yeah, he’ll be back like he’s addicted to it. and then ghost will make him beg for it and gag on it and take it deep. maybe he’ll even take that new, pretty little assistant too. just as a reward for his new pet’s good behavior. he’s seen her, he likes her, he wants her too. she could just become the perfect bait.

[maxdibert]

The Marauders fandom is one that someone could easily enter only to quickly lose interest, and that's exactly how I feel right now. I “joined” (or rather got dragged into) it around late September or early October of THIS YEAR, drawn in by the excitement of everyone creating their own stories for the characters. As someone who also loves to write, I found it fascinating and immediately felt a connection to the community.

The biggest mistake of my life has been getting involved in this fandom. The level of toxicity is almost shocking. It baffles me that many of the members are four years older than I am, able to pay taxes and even vote. I had hoped that their age would mean they could engage in meaningful discussions, conduct thorough research, analyze characters effectively, and write about them with depth. But I’ve been let down repeatedly.

First, it was Jegulus, a ship I couldn't understand because, I admit, I am someone who takes canon a little seriously even when I'm making fanon things, and these two do NOT seem like they'd work well together. Then, it was like characters that are known to be BAD PEOPLE were suddenly cool kids that were either gay, twinks or just given this sob story so people could like them (Regulus, Sirius, Barty Crouch Jr, Remus, James, hell, even Evan and Mulciber...). Next, the girls were thrown to the side and given WLW ships just so they could stay out of the way of MLM ships.

What finally pushed me over the edge was the overwhelming disdain for Severus Snape. The constant name-calling, the people who genuinely believed that being hung upside down for humiliation wasn't a form of sexual assault, and the accusations of him stalking or being obsessed with Lily—all while completely overlooking the fact that he represents one of the truest reflections of a guy clearly needing HELP and STABILITY. The idea that "he deserved to be bullied" really stung, and it feels like I’m constantly being pushed away for simply admitting that his character means everything to me. After all, he offers me something to delve into, to grasp and wrestle with in my thoughts. He's also realistic, because wouldn't you be miserable too if you had to grow up in a domestic abusive situation, go to school only to get bullied??

How can I come back to a fandom after so long, happy to finally become social again after being socially anxious, only for the fandom to be crap? How can I look up to anyone my age and think they know what they're doing when THIS is how they act? I understand it's fiction; I know that I shouldn't be pissed because it is a fanon-based community, BUT fiction and reality can cross over and over and over again. There's a point that some people need to realize that whatever they say or do with a fictional character will mirror how they'll react to people like that in the real world, even if they don't notice they're doing it.

(P.S. - I don't have good grammar, so this might be hard to read...sorry!)

Honestly, I’m sorry you had such a terrible experience. I guess for those who also enjoy Severus as a character or are his fans, being in that fandom must be a nightmare. I mean, I’ve literally seen them fangirl over absolutely EVERY character except him—I have no idea what their deal is. Some people say it’s because adult Severus is unpleasant, but, hello? Barty Crouch Jr.? Seriously? That man not only tortured a couple into insanity but also locked a man in a trunk for months and triggered the son of the couple he drove insane. To me, it all boils down to beauty privilege and classism. What I don’t understand is looking down on people who are in that fandom but also happen to be Snape fans. I mean, there are plenty of people within Snapedom who, for example, like the Marauders or are fans of Sirius or Lily, and I’ve never seen anyone give them crap for it. I wouldn’t give anyone crap for that.

In fact, my issue with the Marauders' fandom isn’t that they like the Marauders but how they try to justify the unjustifiable, whitewash their actions, or completely destroy their canon personalities.

Anyway, I feel really bad because, in the end, people use the internet to pass the time, have fun, vent, or escape the real world, and it’s such a shame that they’re met with rejection instead. But, honestly, what can you expect from people who minimize or whitewash bullying other than more bullying?

[eldritch-bf]

The Terror // book v. show

A non-exhaustive list since there’s a lot. Some work better for the show being a visual medium or are understandable given the episode constraints. Some are definitely for the better. Others are for the worse.

Characters

A few roles and personalities are flipped around. In the book Sir John is less sympathetic and I was happy when he died. Crozier is also less sympathetic because he’s super racist like the rest of them to the Netsilik. More on that later. This nicer Crozier works better imo. FitzJames is wayyyy less of a blowhard in the book. Most of the time they just focus on how he’s the Handsomest Man in the Royal Navy. He’s pretty and a good listener to Crozier, who is much angrier all the time in the book.

Goodsir’s role as Silence’s friend/possible romantic interest/protector/interpreter is Irving’s role in the book. Goodsir in the book also annoys some of the men more, at least in the first half (he is physically weak and not Really a Doctor).

Irving in the show is very pray/work the gay away Mr Hickey but book Irving is more Uncomfy and Just Doesn’t Wanna Get Involved

But book Hickey also kills Irving because he’s concerned Irving is gonna snitch and he and his bf would be executed (either for being gay or for the suspected mutiny plotting). He doesn’t kill him for food.

Hickey isn’t with Gibson, he’s with Magnus, and he actually loves Magnus, who is later shot by Crozier, and Magnus is a much bigger deal (both literally and literarily) as he’s got the strength and size of like 5 or 10 strong men, is well-liked by the whole crew, is somewhat dumb, and will do anything Hickey tells him to. Magnus is Crozier’s biggest concern when it comes to the mutiny.

In fact, when Irving discovers them, Magnus initially takes a very threatening step toward Irving, and Hickey simply tells him ‘no’ and Magnus obeys. It’s also Crozier who threatens to send Magnus down to sit in the dead room with the ghosts he’s so afraid of, not Irving.

Hickey is distraught over Magnus getting shot. He threatens Goodsir violently if Magnus “gets so much as a stomach ache”. Magnus takes weeks to die of from sepsis or internal bleeding or something (injuries Goodsir intentionally mistreated). Hickey stayed with his body for days until he lets the Tuunbaq kill him. (Which refuses to eat his soul.) He also definitely lost is mind, thinking he was a god and could resurrect Magnus and all the men whenever he wanted.

Also in the book Hickey, Magnus, and Aylmore get their lashings for disrespecting the late Sir John at the carnivale. Magnus sobs like a child the whole time which the men find extremely upsetting considering he’s a big brawny somewhat stupid guy that they all love. Hickey receives his lashings last and iirc just takes them completely silently while staring down Crozier.

So in the book Hickey mostly wants to kidnap Crozier to torture and then execute him because he hates him for class reasons, for being a dick, or order him and Magnus lashed, maybe for threatening Magnus with the ghosts, etc.

Silence

In the book, Silence can’t speak from the beginning, but in the show she can. This works better avoiding the trope of having natives be incapable of communicating with colonizers, and also gives us the name of the Tuunbaq right away.

However in the book it works better with her not being able to speak as well as her personality being very different (she basically never reacts to anything) to the effect of making the men and reader uncertain if she’s helping the creature, afraid of it, or literally is the creature. We lose that sense of uncertainty as the viewer.

She’s also waaaaay more creepy in the book bc she shows almost no expression or emotion despite the fact that as Crozier later discovers even though she can’t really speak English she did understand what they were communicating. There’s a part where she and Crozier are walking alone in the snow between the two ships and she “runs off”, comes back. hands him the mitten or something of a crewmate who is later found cut in half and then disappears into the blizzard.

Her name reveal works better in the book bc it doesn’t make sense that she didn’t mention her name once to Goodsir in the months they spent together. Plus in the book we are given the context that Silna’s name is a combination of Sedna and Sila, described as the sea and air goddesses, respectively.

Also, and this is really important, as it’s mentioned fucking over and over again, Silence isn’t like 30 or whatever age she appears to be in the show. She’s repeatedly mentioned as basically looking like she’s 15 or 20, no one can tell. But Goodsir does examine her for injuries and reports that she’s a virgin.

This fact is mentioned as unusual by the men who are familiar with the Inuit for what I assumed was their racist idea of indigenous women and girls as hypersexual. But we will unfortunately see that this detail was some kind of foreshadowing.

Also Sir John is disturbed by Silence because he met her like 30 years ago and she hasn’t aged or something. Something he realizes when he accidentally sees her naked and recognizes her nipples?

Tuunbaq

The design for the creature’s face in the show is dumb as fuck I’m so sorry it looks like the yeti from the seasons greetings meme also it canonically had black empty eyes like a polar bear not those uncomfortable uncanny valley human eyes

In the book the lore is that the Tuunbaq was created by Sedna to kill the spirit of the air and the spirit of the moon, who defeat it (but can’t kill it), causing it to return and attempt to kill its creator, who anticipated this as a likely scenario, and instead banished it to the human world. Shaman have to have children with other shaman who work to communicate and appease the Tuunbaq (offering it food, not invading its territory without permission cough cough Englishmen cough), as it cannot be killed, only appeased or angered.

Then in the show it chokes to death on Hickey’s body and Crozier’s chain…

However in the show the Tuunbaq’s role is closer to a protective guardian of the Inuit, or simply a spirit balancing nature. So by it being killed by Englishmen who obviously don’t stop colonizing, added with Crozier’s attempt to get the rescue teams to turn back and not look for the passage, it’s the beginning of the end for the world as the Netsilik knew it (and the environment which is mentioned in the book, as well as the poor bears dying, the ice melting, etc.) as more and more white men will keep coming and nothing can stop them, not even the Tuunbaq nor Crozier’s doomed attempt to trick/frighten them away.

But yeah, in the book the Tuunbaq does not die, which leads me to the last point:

Ending

The book ending is quite different and I think the tv show ending is better, even if I don’t love the tv show ending (just feels a bit rushed but what do you do) personally I would have preferred something like Crozier makes it back to the Terror and waits for the ship to sink in the summer thaw and dies with the ship. However Crozier IRL may have actually survived according to Inuit testimony.

In the book, Silence rescues Crozier after he’s shot with a pistol and a shotgun by Hickey during his attempted and unsuccessful kidnapping. The whole time she’s nursing him back to health I was thinking why the fuck is she doing this. And the whole time Crozier is still calling her a savage despite also being intrigued by her Arctic survival skills including hunting which his men were totally terrible at

Well she saved him because I forgot to mention this but in the book Crozier and Silence are both clairvoyants. They can see bits of the future and stuff happening far away though Crozier sucks at it. As they sleep next to each other they dream the other person’s dreams, which is the way we get exposition on some Inuit spiritual beliefs including lore and the name of the Tuunbaq, as Crozier is dreaming Silna’s dreams.

And we learn that uh. Since shamans are only supposed to have kids with other shamans to pass down their powers so. Yeah they’re supposed to get married. And Crozier wakes up in the middle of the night with her stroking his cock and they fuck.

Not to mention how at this point Crozier still can’t communicate with her. Was kinda gross of him focusing on how good deflowering a virgin feels, and also how before this he repeatedly mentioned how much prettier pink nipples and white skin were compared to the dark native girls.

He also does the ritual to become a shaman for the Tuunbaq which including Inuit throat singing which I would have liked to hear in the show but oh well.

And then it basically cuts to 2 years later and they have a family together and can communicate through touch telepathy and it’s repeatedly brought up that she’s his wife and will do anything he wants even move with him to America and live in the city and be miserable and die. (EDIT: they don’t go to America, they stay in the Arctic together, but Crozier considers it and knows she would do whatever he wanted even if it made her miserable, because she’s his wife and that’s what wives do I guess.)

Anyway so I was kinda happy the show changed that ending.

[snek-of-eden]

Star Trek AMV Masterpost (ongoing)

I feel like amvs are so often forgotten in fandom culture, so here's a list of my favourites! All are on YouTube, and all credit goes to the original creators. the links should take you straight there. (the majority of these are spirk, but there's definitely variety!!) some of these are pretty popular, others obscure, but they're all amazing and you should totally check them out. My all time fav ones are marked with a 💙.

Spirk:

Star Trek || A Thousand Years - [Kirk/Spock] -- this one is super well known, incredibly crafted, a beautiful homage to TOS Spirk and their journey that fades seamlessly into AOS through Spock Prime's memories 💙

Kirk/Spock - If I Were Gay -- absolutely hilarious TOS amv that feels like a parody, I laughed my ass off. all the suggestive scenes and hella funny lyrics to accompany it

Kirk & Spock │Renegades -- amazing x ambassadors song, the lyrics fit them so well and the colouring was spot on. TOS going through the original series and the movies!! 💙

Kirk & Spock │ Come right back to you -- exploration of TOS spirk's bond interspersed with show quotes and the most melancholic soundtrack. shed a tear at this one

Spock and Kirk Feel Again - A Star Trek Music Video -- absolute BANGER of a One Republic song, a TOS amv focusing on Spock and Kirk (with some stunning song parallels to Spock's emotions and the lyrics!)

Star Trek TOS | Two Slow Dancers - [Kirk + Spock] -- would you like to cry today? do you want to sob into your pillow? then this is the video for you. Mitski and TOS Spirk together is a gorgeous combo, and the editing is /on point/

Star Trek - Can't Help Falling In Love (Kirk/Spock) -- an oldie but a goodie, Jim and Spock's ballad of love all throughout TOS and the movies

Keep Holding On (Kirk/Spock) -- its the combo you never knew you needed! glee and Star Trek!! show tunes, glitter, and a completely TOS movie based amv about the events of Search For Spock and The Voyage Home

Running Up That Hill (Kirk/Spock) -- Kate Bush cover and Star Trek TOS? yes fucking please. don't diss the Kate Bush, people. ITS NOT CRINGE HERE. all your swoon-worthy, love-for-the-ages spirk content, some suggestive scenes spliced in the middle, a lot of amok time hehe

K/S (Kirk/Spock) - FUN -- adrenaline inducing AOS spirk fighting amv set to Troye Sivan!! some seriously talented editing and a very pretty AOS colouring

Spirk 'Blank Space' -- christ, this video was what got me to actually watch AOS. One of the only AOS amvs I cherish with my whole heart. the song is a cover of Taylor Swift's Blank Space - and imo it's even better than the original. I've ranted about the editing on a lot of these but this one just about takes the cake. fucking gorgeous 💙

Spock/Kirk - Blue (Star Trek TOS/AOS) -- angsty af and set to Halsey's 'Colors', this one'll get you sobbing. more slow-paced. also, both TOS and AOS!!

Spock / Kirk - Stay {TOS/AOS} -- Hurts is such an underrated artist but so many of their songs are spirk coded!! Very pretty edit, lots of parallels

Kirk/Spock - Landslide -- Fleetwood Mac and some lovely melancholic TOS movie reminiscing about Kirk and Spock's relationship as they're growing older and losing their youth

Kirk/Spock - Wait for It -- calling all Hamilton fans, this one'll be right up your alley. TOS fading into AOS and focusing primarily on Kirk and Spock's dynamic through Spock's perspective. fast paced and fucking wicked

Star Trek: Kirk/Spock || Hold on -- the obligatory Hold On amv (I feel like every fandom has one lol). AOS, spirk, some great angst here!

James T. Kirk:

James T. Kirk | I'll Be Good -- absolutely STUNNING exploration of AOS Kirk's character and psyche, done with gorgeous editing and colours and scene selection. I'm not a huge AOS fan but I played this on repeat for a week. Song is I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young, which is incredibly Jim Kirk coded. so so amazing 💙

Icarus | Jim Kirk [HD] -- snappy cuts and a great portrayal of AOS Kirk. Spirky undertones but nothing explicit. super poignant lyrics

Little Talks - Captain Kirk Tribute: A Star Trek Music Video -- captivating, beautifully edited amv by First Officer Nims (who make some of the best amvs I've watched), one of the most meaningful TOS Kirk videos I've had the pleasure of finding. It's constantly in my head, in my heart, in my soul. 10/10 💙

{James T. Kirk} BI BI BI -- all y'all bi Jim truthers, this one's for you. all of Jim's fruitiest moments from TOS (and behind the scenes) gathered into one camp edit and set to the glorious sounds of NSYNC!! featuring "are there men on this planet", "they seem to be bisexual" and Jim nearly kissing McCoy ;) 💙

jim kirk's babiest moments | fanvid -- not exactly an amv but it's close enough!! exactly what it says on the tin - TOS Jim being the most babygirl ever, pouting, flirting with spock and bones, fighting people by throwing himself at them, and much more. go watch it, you'll thank me

Spones:

What's On Your Mind | Spones || Star Trek [TOS] -- a masterfully put together and downright hilarious eighties-themed spock/bones TOS amv!! (featuring both Nimoy and Kelley's voices in the actual song recording)

Spock & Bones • Hopeless place -- two words: RIHANNA COVER. it's short, its AOS, it's fuckin Rihanna. what is there not to love? I have nothing more to say. go listen to Rihanna

The Night We Met || Spones -- Lord Huron and TOS Spones amv, it's just a general lovely video, great editing and the lyrics fit them so well. I felt Lots of Emotions watching this, and so will you

[Star Trek] Spock/McCoy - Please Don't Leave Me -- beautifully put-together video for TOS' Spock and Bones. It's giving so much 'we're divorced but still in love' energy. painful and funny and the bridge of the song is just *screams incoherently* 💙

You Had A Bad Day -Spock/McCoy *Slash* -- sobbing at this one, TOS and absolutely chefs kiss. scene selection is on point, it tells a full story. creator has found what I consider to be the holy grail of Bones' best angsty moments

Star Trek In General:

Star Trek - This Is Me -- I will be preaching about this video for the rest of my fucking life. think of every positive adjective you can; they all do nothing to describe how wonderful this amv is. Greatest Showman is good on its own... when you add Star Trek into the mix something beautiful happens. an absolute anthem of positivity and inclusivity and everything Star Trek is at its heart. Clips taken from every show, but especially DS9, Discovery and the AOS movies!!! probably my favourite on the whole list 💙

Star Trek || I'll keep coming -- very very well done HD AOS amv about the whole cast. feels like a movie. the creator has put so much effort into this and it pays off!! great homage to AOs as a whole

Star Trek | You Are Loved -- AOS tribute to the soundtrack of Lights by Sleeping At Last. Perfect cuts, great lyrics, big fan

[Star Trek: TOS] Party Rock Anthem -- the video for those who want to bust their ass laughing. superb chaos, you will have no idea what's happening and it will be fabulous

Star Trek DS9 - Last Friday Night -- the DS9 group bullshitting around and having a whale of a time for almost four minutes straight. ever wanna show a friend just how weird Star Trek really is? this'll do it. it's like if three hundred punch drunk aliens threw a queer party! wahoo!

Assorted Others:

Garak x Bashir - Hooked -- sexy, dangerous, catchy garashir amv with perfect beat drops and lyrics to die for. fucking sweet, I have this on repeat

Undisclosed Desires | Deep Space Nine -- DS9 Bashir/Garak slash, amazing editing and a sick ass song. Really shows off their - again - dangerous dynamic and the 'I can make him better' 'I can accept his violence' aspects of their relationship

King of Shadow ★ Garashir -- a more intimate, kind-hearted look into Bashir/Garak's relationship, less fast-paced and on-edge. Superb and filled with lies and whispers. love this one!

ϟ twenty years || Jim|Spock|Bones [TOS] -- melancholic but still quick-paced TOS McSpirk exploration. goes through the original series and the movies

Scotty/Uhura- "Hey Soul Sister" -- sweet and utterly adorable lil scotty/uhura amv. fluff fluff and more fluff!! big fan, I am such a simp for the cuteness omg

Garak/Bashir | ST: DS9 | Some Boys -- back on the dangerous garashir shit, this is the stuff of my best nightmares. amazing editing and the song choice is spot on. I've had the single by Death Cab For Cutie on Spotify repeating for a week *heart eyes*

Kathryn Janeway || Soldier -- I'm a big Voyager fan, and this is the perfect tribute to Janeway. It shows exactly how her character works, getting right into her head, and the whole thing is action packed. Paced spectacularly and argh just amazing

Those are some of my favourites!! Please go check some of them out! There are so many more, and the list is growing every day. AMV creators are amazing and I'm kissing you all on the forehead. thank you for your service 💙. I'm in the process of making a public YouTube playlist with all of these on it, so if you want to have that I'll probably link it eventually!!

[tiredistic]

"Her Voice Had never sounded so cold" p.2

P.1 | Part one

Pairing: Regina George x Janis imi'ike, Gretchen Wieners x Karen Shetty

Words: 1,195!

Content warning: Slight 18+ Adult themes, Angst, Depictions of mental illness ( depression, anxiety), Alcoholism, Suicidal thoughts and almost attempt? Mention of abusive parents, Crash, suggestive language.

Summary: The Events after the fight.

A/n: Hey guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter, I kinda made like plot twists that were surprises for me as well so.. Actually might just make this a series. Would you like to see Regina and Janis get back together..? idk their relationship seems kinda in the rocks rn >:o

Not proof read <3

It was cold. So fucking cold. Regina drove home in a fuelled rage. Gosh what a bad day it was to rain. The windows of her car started to fog as her breaths got erratic, her grip of the steering wheel doubling as her mind spiralled. Curses spilled out her mouth as she drove, her eyes getting cloudy. 

“SHIT!” She slapped the steering wheel. “Cady Fucking Heron I’m Going to kill you” she seethed. Regina was utterly taken by hatred and sadness. She screamed and yelled her lungs out. Her voice was raw, the rain covered her sobs, the thunder screaming for her. 

She didn't want to go home. She didn't want her mother to see her so weak. Why is she so weak? Why did jeopardize her relationship? Was Janis even anything to her? 

Was she anything to Janis?

She tried to scream. Her throat roared in pain. Her eyes squeezed, her hands shook. Her mind was so fucked up, that she didnt notice how she was going a 95, in a 60mph zone. Regina knew she shouldn't even be driving right now, but she didn't care. What else was there to lose? She loved Janis. And just like that she was taken from her, why should she worry about her own life? 

As the lightning struck, so did another car. It happened so fast, Regina didn’t even get a chance to react.

Her car was hit. The slippery roads made it hard, but Her emotions made it harder. The car slipped across the highway, down by the trees. She tried to make it stop swerving, but it only made it worse, throwing her body around; making the blond gain all sorts of bruises and cuts from her car. She would have screamed. She wanted to, but she couldn't. She couldn't even ask for help. 

Her Jeep almost hit a displaced branch that would have jacked up her car, taking her life. But it didn’t. Her car stopped just in time for it to only slightly puncture her windshield. A part of her wished it would have. She wished it would have gone all the way through.

She stayed staring at it briefly before reality came down like the rain. How could she drive home like this? Even face her mother? Fuck, she was so scared. She didn't want to go to her father. That.. man. She knew her mother would send her. She couldn't go home.

She grabbed her phone, her bag, and tried to open her door. After a while, she got it open. Falling on to the forest ground, the sound from the heavy storm and the highway consuming her. Mud all over her sweats, blood from the crash, and rain. 

“Why did this have to happen to me..” she sobbed, her blonde hair sticking to her face, she stood up, her socks drenched in water. She walked along the highway before meeting an exit and a gas station. She stopped and called a cab. She noticed a car watching her from a distance, some lady with confusion on her face. Regina had no choice but to wait, in the rain, as the wind hit her body.

Gosh it was cold. 

—

Janis sat on her couch watching the local news. A bottle of Regina’s favorite wine, slipping from her hand. Her mind dazed. Why does everything keep getting ruined? It sucked. Couldn't she have something nice for once? It was just starting to work between them, gosh why was she in the wrong. Wasn’t this all Regina's fault anyway? Or was it hers.. Everything is so confusing.

The door was banged a couple of times before it was opened. Damian rushed in to see what Janis meant over text, “gays n gals stick together.” which was their code phrase for “some extreme shit just happened, come over.” Uppon seeing the girl, he knew.

“Oh my gosh.” Damian muttered before giving aid to the obviously not okay queer on the couch. He took the bottle out of her hand, placing it down before taking the short girl to her bedroom. He picked her up with ease, her body limp from the wine.

“She's gone.” Janis murmured quietly, hugging him.

“I know.” He added softly.

Damian gave Janis a soft knowing look. He covered her with the covers and turned off the lights, going back into the main room. The TV was still on the local news. As he went to turn it off, he froze because of the irony.

“A Hot Pink Jeep Wrangler was just caught swerving off the I-88 highway, at 9:46 today. Severity of the crash was notable, and the driver is currently not at the scene.”

“Witness, Kaitie Gordon saw it all, she says, ‘It's so sad to see these things happen especially to such a pretty car, and such a pretty girl.’”

“So you saw the owner of the car?” The news reporter asked, “Yeah, I saw her walking down the highway down to the gas station maybe? Then got into some car. Blonde, distraught, she was young too. I would have said something, I didn't connect the dots in time, sorry.”

Damian shut off the TV, “Oh my gosh, Janis what the fuck happened..” he wondered to himself. He decided to finish tidying up the apartment before taking his leave, his mind spiraling over what could have happened between the two “girlfriends.”

 –

Gretchen pulled Karen in, they were making out on Gretchen’s bed. Their mouths barely disconnecting, Karen pulling at Gretchen’s clothing, the room was hot, and the attitude was intense. They briefly pulled away for air, but was quickly drained back into kisses, Karen's breath catching in her throat. They moaned into eachothers mouths, their bodies grinding and rubbing each other, their night garments threatening to lift ever so slightly.

The door-bell rang frantically, the banging on the door was aggressive. They slowly pulled away from each other, annoyed slightly, but also confused.

The knocking had to be Regina, it's how Regina always did it. But at 11:34 PM? 

“Stay here, I’ll get it,” Karen giggled, tapping Gretchen's nose. Karen went to open the door and behold it was Regina. But definitely not the Regina they knew.

Regina’s bag was soaked, so was her whole outfit, her white shirt wasn't a good idea. Her blond hair stuck to her head, an aggressive frown plastered on her face, her breathing was shallow, her eyes were dead, and most of all.. She smelt like the forest, terrain and plants. Gosh this wasn't Regina George.

“Holy fuck you look like shit.” Karen added without a thought, as usual.

Regina just scoffed and pushed her way in, Not paying any attention to Karen's concern. 

Gretchen came out, her face distorting as she looked at Regina. “Oh my lord! What happened!?”

Regina just walked past Gretchen going into the bathroom to fix herself.

After about two hours, she came out, her hair looked better, she smelt like lavender rose, and a pink robe covering her.

She joined Karen and Gretchen in the bedroom, their ears ready for the gossip.

“Cady Heron is going to regret ever living.”

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 24

chapter 41: (over halfway through!)

1. 😐 um, i’m actually giving a death glare right now. wdym marlene has to go back to that arena????

2. okay, fuck that bitch dumbledore. he’s worse than coin. i hope he rots

3. i- all these victors going in are sirius’ friends. or his absolute worst enemies to begin with. OR his own fucking family! and his brother! and there’s a MARRIED COUPLE going in having to fight each other. i- this is the most devastating thing i will ever read

4. “James holds his gaze and hopes with everything in him that Regulus sees the truth in James' eyes when he coldly announces, "I hate him."” 😧

5. it hurts that sirius has ALWAYS tried to protect regulus. like, tried burying him like dogs bones once 😭😭

6. oh. oh shit. remus doesn’t know that sirius is a tribute yet

7. 😐 sobbing actually. wolfstar wasn’t supposed to go through this much pain. yet here we are. my babies being hurt.

chapter 42:

1. i like how once again, it’s pointed out that in this fic and canon, dumbledore has never seemed to care about the individual people if it meant winning a war

2. 👁️👄👁️ wide eyes. what is alberforth about to ask albus to do

3. the ring dorcas is handing marlene is eerily similar to the canon 75th hunger games with the token finnick is given

4. “A war could break out right on the other side of the door, and Dorcas would let it wage on to stay right here, just like this, with Marlene.” GAYYYYYYYYYY

5. “Without any fuss, she starts frantically plucking the rings off of one hand, each clink of them hitting the counter making Marlene groan” 😳😳😳 oh my god i am so gay holy shit

6. god i’m so angry. marlene got help with her drinking, then the night the quarterly memorial was announced, she’s right back at it. i’m not angry at marlene btw. i’m pissed at dumbledore and riddle

7. “"You'll be the last thought I have, you know," Marlene whispers. "Before I die, it'll be you. I just know it."” 😟

8. THE ORDER IS GETTING EFFIE AND MONTY POTTER OUT OF DISTRICT SIX!! FUCK YEAH

9. god i love lily in this fic. she is wonderful, beautiful, kind, caring, and most of all: human. she has faults. she won’t get close to people because last time she did, she lost remus. she smokes. she breaks the rules. she doesn’t always make the perfect move. she makes the human move. i love her so much

10. alberforth >>>>>>>>>> albus

11. god. lily just killed a person. this too is going to haunt her forever

12. 👀 marylily i smell?

13. 😭😭 mary is sprinting in heels

14. god i love that effie is willing to fight everyone for the people (district) she loves

15. CHEERS! barty just shot his father point blank in the chest

16. 😧 i- they just released the disease into the air. i-

17. if ted, tonks, and andy don’t make it out i’m gonna lose my mind

18. 😐 ted’s dead.

[bluecounter]

noah and mirage is making me go crazy.. i have an elaborate fic idea where noah dates mirage’s holoform but didn’t find out till later. im not much of a writer so this is the best i could do

it would be amazing if someone else could rewrite/cleanup this idea because im honestly not doing it justice

————————

Noah is a closeted gay man living in the 90’s and yearns to be with someone romantically. Mirage could tell by the way Noah looks at loving couples in public, especially during their leisure rides. A part of Mirage wishes he could be that for Noah but its hard especially since he is an alien robot much much bigger than Noah. He isn’t too sure how Noah would feel if he knew how he felt.

One day, mirage was looking through some magazine Noah brought and had an idea of creating the ideal holoform that could be with Noah. That could share comfort and love with.

It was all going so well. it started with a little meet cute and it became more, they started dating and sharing secret kisses in public. Mirage thought it was what he wanted. He thought he would be satisfied, but he never felt more lonely. the more time Noah spent with the holoform, the lesser time he did with mirage.

But he pushed through. he knew he couldn’t experience normal human dates with Noah in his alt form, so he took advantage of what he could.

.

He slipped up. He mentioned Peru during one of their human dates in his holoform and a sudden realization just hit Noah. Everything came crashing down. He left, trying to find mirage.

He was questioning everything they had went through together. Was what they had ever real? Was this some joke? Was he fated to never fall in love?

His head was spiraling into confusion and anger and he marched up to Mirage, eyes puffy and red as tears dripped down his cheeks He screamed and cried, begging mirage to explain why he did so. He wanted to know why. he wanted to know if this prank was funny to mirage. He wanted to know if it was all worth it, especially after breaking his heart.

After his rage has calmed, Mirage admits that he created the holoform with be with Noah, but it was not to play with his heart. He wanted to be with Noah, he yearned having Noah by his side and creating a holoform was the closest he could get. he admitted everything and assured Noah that what he said and did through his holoform was 100% genuine.

Noah’s sobs were calmer as he looked at Mirage with his tired eyes. He didn’t know what to say. Deep down he knew he had some feelings for the alien robot but it was already hard to process his feelings as a gay man, so he pushed those feelings away. Being with Mirages’s holoform, which he didn’t know before, made it easier for him to move on because it felt normal. But now knowing it was mirage all along..he felt a little confused.

Noah admits to himself that being with ‘him’ was the best thing that ever happened to his life. He wanted to experience that again. He wanted to love and feel loved, with someone real this time.

Someone who was already right under his nose. or perhaps above his head in this sense.

Meanwhile, Mirage waits for an answer. Despite what Noah will say, Mirage chooses to respect it. He understands and doesn’t want to push any more boundaries. He doesn’t want to lose his friend. his friend which made his life on earth more exciting than it has ever been during his 7 years being stuck on this planet.

Noah finally speaks. He asks mirage to lean closer with his meekly voice, quiet and dry after sobbing his heart out.

Mirage complies and waits for Noah’s rejection. Instead he received a soft peck on his lips, which made his engine fan whir loudly. Noah smiles earnestly as he places his hand on mirage’s cheek.

Noah rested his forehead on mirage’s and they both stayed silent as they embrace each other’s presence.

No words were said but everything felt right when they were together.

[matt-h3w]

Okay but like Billy Hargrove, right.... We all know his dad sucks ass, but like, comforting Billy after his dad beat him..... Breaks me, but like also like the fluff of it is just Eeeeee. Ya know?

_______________________________________________

TW: wounds, abuse mentions, lack of self worth. Slight reference to readers trauma.

G/N reader, sure the man is cannonly straight, but I do it for the girls, the gays, and the theys, and everything in between.

------------------------------------------------------------

You enter his room and see him sitting on his bed, head in his hands with cuts and bruises covering his exposed skin you slowly walks over to him, brushing his hair out of his face, speaking softly "hey, what happened to you?" All he could do was look at you, tears starting to form in his eyes. Your lips make contact with his forehead as a form of comfort "it was your dad wasn't it?" You asked, and he nodded the tears spilling out.

His breathes are shaking, as he tries to keep in sobs. No one had ever seen him so vulnerable no one but you. You somehow managed to become something more than just a stranger in a small town. He couldn't manage to figure out just how you slipped between the walls he put up around his heart but there you were, he would never say but he wished your kisses meant more than comforting him. That you holding him was more than pity.

He wished that you loved him more than a friend. You gave him something he thought he could never have, someone to turn to in time of need. Someone to lean on when he felt he couldn't stand. Someone who'll care for him, and love him despite his flaws.

He always told himself he didn't deserve you. He knew he didn't. But yet you were still there by his side holding him close. "Let's get you cleaned up, hmm?" You whisper softly to him, you knew that he had been yelled at earlier and didn't want to make things worse.

_______________________________________________

you came back with a first aid kit and had been disinfecting the cuts, and putting bandaids on them if it was needed, you also took the time to make sure his bone weren't broken. He'd wince every now and again, and everytime you'd apologize. It made his heart swell, but he couldn't help but feel sorry for you, you never once hesitated to come to his aid, no matter how late, or how tired you were. He wondered how many nights you'd stay awake just in case he needed you.

He couldn't bare the thought of you losing sleep because of him, he didn't understand why he fell so easily for you, maybe it was the way you never once treated him any less than a person. Or the sarcastic comments you'd make when he was flirting with you. Or the way you didn't put up with his bullshit twords you, if you didn't like how he treated you, he'd get an earful without hesitation.

There was so much he loved about you, he thought you were undeniably beautiful. Regardless if you thought it yourself.

"Hey, you doing okay?" Your voice broke him out of his thoughts, he looked at you, the concern that filled your gaze made any tensed muscles in his body immediately relax , and his heart melt. His voice came out soft and broken as if he tried to talk to loud he'd cry again. "yeah" and the way you smiled at him, god your smile never failed to make warmth spread through his chest, up his neck, and to his face.

"You know when I heard your voice over the phone.... I wanted to kill him.." You spoke, He had called you, he always did after it got bad, every time his voice would shake and crack, trying not to break right then and there. He felt a sort of guilt run through his veins.

You felt hurt for him, when he didn't want to bare the emotion, you did, when he didn't want to bare the pain, you'd take it, when the weight became too much, you'd lift it off him. He never asked you to, he couldn't ever do that, but you still did, no matter how fucked up things got for you, you never stopped helping him.

That fact alone broke his heart.... You got up and set the first aid kit on his nightstand "do you still have the bag?" You asked gently fixing his hair. He nodded slowly "yeah, I do..." All you did was grab his hands gently, and pull him up, you both knew that he willing let you because if he didn't you wouldn't have been able to move him.

He grab the bag he kept stashed away in his closet, he had it for when he needed to get away, he never stayed away long because of Max. He'd never say it to her face but he really did care about her well-being.

------------------------------------------------------------

He found himself in the passenger seat of your car, his bag in the backseat. He would have taken his but the engine would have given him away. He was tapping his fingers on his thighs trying to focus on the road ahead. The car was silent other than the radio playing softly.

He felt your hand slide into his, which made him look at you. With a quick smile, you looked back at the road. He held your hand as if he was scared that when he let go, you'd be gone. You felt the tightness of his grip, it didn't hurt by any means, you felt your heart flutter at the way he clung to you even if it was only holding your hand.

You could never understand why he looked at you the way he did, but you were grateful that he trusted you enough to let you see the side of him that he kept tucked away. That he felt safe enough with you to cry, you knew that it was hard to do that and though seeing him so broken made your heart ache, it also made you so happy to know he'd let himself be vulnerable with you. You finally broke the silence, "you can stay in my room tonight if you want...." You're heart was pounding in your head, you'd be lying to yourself if you said that giving him that option didn't make you nervous. What if it made him uncomfortable.... You felt his grip falter just for a second.

"I'd like that.... If you're sure you're okay with it" his voice was just loud enough to hear. "I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't okay with it" you said, though within a certain perspective some might say that the words that you just spoke were talking down to him. He found them as words of reassurance, telling him you'd never do something that you didn't want to, that caring for him was something you genuinely wanted to do with your time. He found himself falling deeper into love with you with every little moment you shared.

He didn't even realize he was doing it till the back of your hand met his lips. The second he realized what he had done, he glanced over at you, frantically searching for any sigh of discomfort. But all he found was a soft smile displayed upon your lips. He felt your hand flex slightly, giving him a soft squeeze of confirmation that you were okay with his actions.

He pressed his lips further against your skin. Enjoying the smoothness against his mouth. The warmth coming off of you. When he pulled your hand back from his lips, he glanced at you again, though it was dark he could see the rosey color that had adorned your features, the smile that had grown wider, the soft twinkle of appreciation in your eyes as you focused on the road. You had finally reached your driveway, after all you didn't live very far. You didn't let go of his hand until you both got out of the car. He made sure to grab his bag from the backseat before getting out, once the car was locked you slid your hand back in his.

------------------------------------------------------------

He had set his bag on the floor of your room, he always love being in it. Surrounded by well.... You... The posters, the comic books, the drawings, the photos, the figurines, the vinyls, the plushies. He even loved the scattered books that you forgot to put away, or the unorganized makeup on the vanity. Even the random trinkets that sat in your windowsill. He has so many memories of late nights he spent with you, even if the reason he was there sucked ass, he loved being with you.

[scalproie]

Literally watched all of S2 last night and I dont feel like doing individual reactions sooo

All of S1:E26 was me pointing at gay people on my screen and going "hey thats from the little dark age amv"

The orion pax arc is still literally so funny. Later episodes show that there was NO REASON to keep optimus/orion alive bc soundwave and THE FUCKING SHIP can also decode the locations of the mcguffins, megatron literally couldve won the war here and there what the hell. it took meg all of 0.5 seconds after he heard his former boytoy utter his name to try and find excuses to keep him around. Also making him call you "my lord"? I Know What You Are.

And apparently optimus/orion stayed on the nemesis for two months which is crazy to me bc megatron cannot improvise to save his fucking life what do you MEAN warlord ratchet??? YOU HAVE ULTRA MAGNUS IN YOUR FILES

It was funny tho bc meg heard ratchet say "I am your doctor of doom" and thought Hey thats pretty good and then make a callback to that when telling optimus/orion ratchet is evil incarnate

Extra hilarious to me that it partially ended bc starscream went to the nemesis to raid the fridge. [Megatron voice] this plane does nothing but ruin my life

The episodes where they send arcee and jin kazama to cybertron was pretty cool i did like the vibe it really felt alien ruins-like

You can tell the experience fucked optimus a little bc first episode after the season opening and peepaw is ready to consider warcrimes

Next was the "bumblebee gets his kidney stolen" arc and I have nothing to say other than it was funny when of course it ends in starscream getting his kidney stolen

Ok I do have some stuff to say actually, we trash on the cons a lot bc theyre disloyal assholes, but when a bot is told to stay at the base for valid reasons, they bitch and moan and end up disobeying anyway and never get punished severely by peepaw optimus bc them not following orders ALWAYS works in their favor

Megatron goes "Nu-uh-uh!" in S2:E5

Im always just so happy when meg is on screen ngl he is such a massive asshole bastard🩶

Dreadwing's cool I like how he just has a fucking flip phone to dramatically blow shit up

Everytime I see wheeljack im like oh god if the show has been made just a few years later he wouldve been drift

I FORGOT HOW QUICKLY BREAKDOWN DIED fanon will really build a castle out of 4 twigs huh. and the castle sucks ass anyway

Airachnid slayed and she was gone too soon

They lowballed megatron so hard in the episode where he was struggling against one (1) insecticon BUT. he was sexy in this ep. To me. Not to optimus anymore😔

Nemesis prime was well-introduced in the show but this is hysterical to me that THIS is the show that has the "evil double of optimus" concept

Every episode with starscream after he loses his cog is excellent and you have no idea how much it pains me to admit that

S2:E10-E11 is just megatron and the gang having the weirdest fucking day and it might be my fav eps. I think I just love watching the cons do shit. Megatron killed starscream four times, fought an army of bugs and then gave drugs to his ship

Knockout and megatron's banter is surprisingly always very entertaining. I think meg just like bouncing off of a little jester

The four relics episode are kinda whatever BUT they did gave us the one (1) soundwave focused episode and whaddayaknow he was extremely sexy and competent and it was funny to see him being treated like megatron's special boy&bird

Also bulkhead continue to have plot armor thicker than the apex armor like come on in every single one of his episodes he comes just this close to death

SHOOOOOOOOOCKWAAAAAAAAAVE

I was waiting to see smokescreen's episodes before judging but now that I did I can safely say *drops to my knees sobbing* IT SHOULD BEEN HOT RODDDDDDDDD

At least his friendship with jin kazama was cute, like that "green for go" was cute

Silas ditching his highly competent human crew to sucker up to megatron really felt like they had no idea what to do with his character anymore bc what??? Like okay you remove a third faction to focus more on the main ones but still

I fucking love S2:E20 bc 1) just throw some more mystical stuff at optimus like go full arthurian stories now, 2) lots of megatron action and 3) "drop the mountain on him"

I know its likely an animation lighting thing and optimus simply could not be based like that in the first place but conceptually it is absolutely hysterical to me that after slicing effortlessly a mountain in half, making megatron look like THIS

Optimus then look straight up at the camera and fucking winks at him

And then immediately after that, megatron going "decepticons, we are so fucked."

And THEN next episode is literally "MEGATRON YOU CRAZY BITCH" like come dreadwing lets desecrate a demigod's tomb

He fucking sucks at naming stuff tho bc dark star saber??? Come on man

The rest of the omega keys episodes are also whatever but fucking hell if the whole Peter Cullen speaking in slow motion and Steve Blum mimicking that didnt get to me hard

The last starscream episode tho? Screamer cringe compilation while hes having the worst job interview of his life, of course i loved it

MEGATRON NOOO YOU KILLED THE WRONG PLANE

But again, hilarious that for the season finale megatron went "alright guys no more fucking around" and they basically won. That one moment where meg, screamer, KO all laughing maniacally together with soundwave just shaking in silent laughter with them was really funny. Only shocky is missing for the decepticon high command reunion

I really liked the moment where raf, miko and jin kazama were like "the autobots are ready to sacrifice their life for our planet, im ready to do the same for theirs" idk thats really brave and it struck me

Optimus chopping megatron's arm was really fucking cold

SILVER ERADICONSSSSSS

They blew up the autobot base like the white house in shadow the hedgehog

Overall, a lot of my favorite episodes are in this season so👍 #megatronsweep

[wildlife4life]

WIP Wednesday

Tagged by @exhuastedpigeon, @jeeyuns, @wikiangela, @ladydorian05, @giddyupbuck, @thewolvesof1998 @hippolotamusand @911onabc You all so lovely and I look forward to all your future works!

Some more angst and the end of the buddie fight from NFL Buck.

Buck’s emotionless façade cracked, revealing just how truly wrecked he was, “Eddie, I love you so much and I am trying to give you leeway with all of this, but you’re allowing your parents… allowing your mother to push me away. You’re not having my back like you promised. And everything with Christopher… You’ve told me over and over that he is mine just as much as he is yours, yet you do this and then call me out over circumstances I have no control over. You’re letting Helena win! And why?! Some long repressed need to have your parents’ approval?! Or maybe it’s some twisted way for earning forgiveness for being gay. I don’t know. But you need to figure it out.” He sucks in a breath, barely holding back a sob, “I don’t know how Helena got my number, but she needs to lose it. You can talk to Christopher first, break the news if your mother hasn’t already. I’ll talk to him later.” Eddie’s own tears began to form, the flames of his rage doused by Buck’s anguish, “Okay.” He agreed, giving up and swallowing down his apology. The fight was over for now. Buck asked for space to lick his would and collect his thoughts, to think about what comes next for them. Eddie needed to back down and do the same.  “Okay.” Buck mirrored in a barely there whisper, not meeting Eddie’s eyes, “Call if there’s an emergency. But beyond that… We’ll see.” Translation: Evan wanted the silent treatment on both ends. DO NOT DISTURB flashed brightly in Eddie’s mind over Buck’s head and all Eddie could do was adhere to it. “Stay safe.” Buck hung up at that and his distressed face was replaced with the iPad’s background of a brightly smiling Christopher smeared in ice cream. A photo taken by Buck, who brought out the smile on his son’s face, bought the ice cream, and spent the entirety of the afternoon playing at a private field, making Christopher feel like a star player. Just like his Buck.

I'm sorry? But not really. If you want to see more NFL Buck just search under the nfl tag on my page.

Tagging: @disasterbuckdiaz, @eddiediaztho, @try-set-me-on-fire, @forthewolves, @jesuisici33, @alyxmastershipper, @spotsandsocks, @spaceprincessem, @loserdiaz, @devirnis, @bvckandeddie, @thekristen999, @rogerzsteven, @buddierights, @watchyourbuck, @diazblunt, @911-on-abc, @monsterrae1, @cowboydiazes, @cowboy-buddie, @cowboy-buck, @buck-coded, @transbuck, @elvensorceress, @starlingbite, @bekkachaos, @housewifebuck, @honestlydarkprincess, @brokenribsdiaz, @bigfootsmom Plus anyone else I forgot to tag and anyone who wants to share! Tag me, I want to see all the snippets!

[mirkwoodshewolf]

No following; Planet of the apes fanfic Chap. 3

*Author's note*

Here we go with yet another chapter update. And here is the introduction to Caroline into the Rodman troop. But we also get introduced to the awful neighbor that is such a Karen to the Rodman family but no worries, he'll get his comeuppance soon enough as we know.

Taglist:

@queen-paladin

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@gay-and-ready-to-cry

@psychosupernatural

________________________________________________

But as we all know with life, there can’t be the good times without the bad.  And things at the Rodman household were slowly turning dark with each passing day.  Grandpa’s mental health was greatly deteriorating to the point where he had more bad days than good.

He hardly calls me by my own name anymore, instead he keeps referring to me by my mom’s name.  There’s also more arguments with Irena either due to property or his health affected his memory of her.

It was now summer vacation but I still had lessons at the Community center with Maestro Pierre (my orchestra teacher’s friend).  I had just came home from a rehearsal when I heard a scuffle happening in grandpa’s room.  Both his voice and Irena’s voices carried over the house and I quickly raced up the stairs but before I could enter inside, uncle Will intercepted me and said.

“Just stay here Lin. I’ll handle this.”

“But uncle Will—”

“No buts, stay put.” He ordered me as he entered inside.  I heard the smashing sound of a lamp and loud thuds as the scuffle finally ended but I was left petrified at the unknown of what happened. “I’m so sorry Irena.” I heard uncle Will say.

“I can’t do this anymore. He belongs in a home this is no way for him to live.” Irena’s panicked and strained tone said as she raced out of the room in tears.  I slowly peeked through the door as I heard grandpa muttering.

“No way to live. No way to live.” My heart sunk as I took notice of the blood on my grandpa’s right hand probably from the broken lamp on the floor.  I raced to the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit before racing back in and started doctoring up grandpa’s injury.  “I’m fine Maria, I’m fine.”

I turned to Uncle Will brokenhearted before going back to grandpa’s injury as he continued to mutter to himself rocking back and forth on his bed.

When nighttime came around, I was in my room curled up on my bed trying to contain my emotions.  Tears were burning behind my eyes lids as I tried to suppress my sobs when I heard a gentle knock at my door.

“Hey kid.” Uncle Will’s voice called out softly.  I wiped my tears and sat up while Uncle Will sat down beside me.

“Are we really gonna put grandpa in a home? You know those people can’t take care of him, I’ve heard all about it from several of my friends of how their grandparents were treated.”

“Hey, hey listen. Your grandpa isn’t going anywhere. This is his home.”

“But what are we gonna do Will? He’s getting worse and worse each day. What if—what if he forgets us entirely? Or if he—”

“Hey, don’t talk like that.”

“I’m scared uncle Will. I don’t wanna lose him like I lost…..” I sniffled as uncle Will brought me into his arms.  Gently shushing me as he rubbed my back.

“Don’t you worry about this stuff, you let me handle it.”

“But I don’t want you to do this alone.”

“You’re still young Lin. You shouldn’t have to worry about stuff like this. All you should be worried about is your next concert performance next month in LA. You let me worry about Charles, okay?” he wiped my tears away as he had me look up at him. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Atta girl.” He kissed my forehead before pressing his forehead to mine.  A common thing we do now, especially ever since having Caesar.  “Now go to sleep.” I softly smirked before getting under the covers and he kissed me goodnight before turning off my light and fell fast asleep.

The next morning I awoke to hear the sound of the piano playing, however this wasn’t like the last few years grandpa tried to play.  This was something I hadn’t heard ever since I was really, really little.  The skill my grandpa had been known for when he was a music teacher.

I quickly got up and headed downstairs and I stood by uncle Will as we both stared at grandpa in awe as he rapidly played the piano like Mozart.  When he came to the end of his playing, I couldn’t help but applaud loudly.  He turned towards us and said.

“I can play again.” I nodded as I let out a few giddy giggles. “Lin quick go get your violin, I wish to do a duet with you.”

“Hold on a second dad, I just wanna see something real quick first. Come with me.” He took grandpa’s hand and led him into the dining room and set him down by the window.  There he began to take his blood pressure, checked his eyes all the while saying.  “I’ll need to keep track what I take from the lab. Although I don’t foresee you needing more than one treatment a month.”

“Something amazing has happened.” Grandpa said in awe.

“Yeah, I’ll need a blood test, and a scan and the dosage. You’ll have to be carefully monitored.”

“Will….”

“Now if I can sneak some….”

“Will! I’m not sick anymore.” Said grandpa with relief.  I don’t know what Will was talking about earlier, all I could think about was just seeing the clearness in grandpa’s eyes.  The eyes that I vaguely remember long before he got sick.  He was back, he was truly back!

“It’s nothing dad.” Said uncle Will with a smile.

“Caesar. Where’s Caesar? I want to see him.”

“I’ll go get him for you.” Uncle Will said before heading upstairs.  Grandpa turned to me and immediately embraced me as he even picked me up and I let out a small shriek of excitement.

“Oh Lin my little songbird.”

“Glad to have you back grandpa.”

“Tell me again, when is your first orchestra performance with the Community center?”

“Next month down at the Zipper concert hall in LA.”

“Well save me an extra spot of roses for your dressing room cause I’ll be there cheering you on.” I smiled and hugged grandpa again.

“That means a lot coming from you grandpa.”

“Guys!” uncle Will called out alarmed.  He soon came racing down the stairs and he said, “Caesar’s not in the house.” My heart sunk as I raced upstairs thinking he could’ve gone under my bed without me noticing.

“Caesar? Caesar? Okay don’t play around here, we’re getting scared.” All through the house I could hear both uncle Will and grandpa calling out for Caesar.  When I came to grandpa’s room and saw the open window I immediately called out, “GUYS!” I heard them racing up the stairs and I pointed towards the window.

We came outside as both uncle Will and I called out Caesar’s name.

“CAESAR!”

“CAESAR WHERE ARE YOU?!”

“Alright he can’t have gotten far.” Grandpa tried to assure us as we all raced down the sidewalk calling out Caesar’s name.  As we came to the Hunsiker’s home, that’s when we heard the sounds of Caesar’s panicked shrieks.  Uncle Will ran as fast as he could with me behind him and to my horror I came to see Mr. Hunsiker wielding a bat trying to beat Caesar who was trying to escape his backyard.

“HEY! HEY! HEY! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! The hell’s the matter with you!?” I came up and Caesar immediately jumped into my arms and I held him protectively as I glared at Mr. Hunsiker.

You know how you always have that one neighbor whose purpose is to piss you off? Well Hunsiker is that neighbor.  He hates all kids except for his own, spoils them rotten.  Just a few months when his boys kept throwing things into our yard while I was trying to practice I yelled at them to stop and soon he comes up screaming in my face telling me to leave his boys alone.

Just because you’re a pilot doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole.

“If I see that animal anywhere near my house or my kids again….” Hunsiker yelled at uncle Will pointing the bat towards Caesar.

“He’s not dangerous.” Grandpa told him.

“The only one whose dangerous is you waving that bat around like a mad man you fucking psycho!” I snapped as I rubbed Caesar’s head.

“Lin! Language! C’mon. It won’t happen again.” he took Caesar from my arms and gestured for me to move as we left the Hunsiker’s yard.

“You’re damn right it won’t!” Hunsiker sneered as he kept his eyes on us.

“He just wanted to play.” Grandpa said one last time before closing their gate and we came into our backyard.

“I told you not to go out without us.” Uncle Will reprimanded Caesar as he sat down on the back deck stairs.  Caesar grunted in pain as he began patting at his right leg.  I leaned down and could see through his fur some redness on his leg.

“How bad is it?” asked grandpa.

“It’s really red guys.” I said concerningly.  Uncle Will sighed as grandpa asked.

“Where should we take him?”

“I doubt the local vet knows how to treat chimpanzees.” I told him.

“I might know somewhere. The San Fransisco zoo, they’ve got vets that specialize in wild animals.”

“Uncle Will, how are you gonna sneak him in without people seeing him?”

“I’ll think of something. We’ll be right back.” Uncle Will stood up and carried Caesar out to the car as Caesar signed out my name.

‘You’ll be fine. I’ll be right here when you come back.’ I signed back.  I felt grandpa’s hand on my shoulder and he told me.

“He’ll be fine Lin.”

“I know. But I still worry over him.”

“Already a big sister to him. Your mother was the same with Will whenever he got hurt. You have her caring nature.” I smiled solemnly.  “Come on, let’s settle down and have some breakfast.” He guided me back into the house and prepared our breakfast.

“Glad I won’t have to be cooking breakfast for a while huh?” I asked as he began cooking the eggs like he was a master chef.

“Just glad to finally be able to provide for you again. Do you remember when you first came to live with me, and I helped you make your first set of pancakes? You ended up with flour all over yourself from your head to your feet.”

“Sorry gramps, I don’t really remember that.”

“No matter, you were a lot younger back then. But I remember it, I remember it quite well. Felt like having my own personal little chef again, like your mom before you. And Lin,” he turned to face me.  “If you ever do wish to hear more stories about your mom, you know you can talk to me, right?”

“Yeah grandpa, I know. Thank you.” He nodded before going back to prepping the breakfast.  About an hour or so later, Caesar and Uncle Will came back and Caesar immediately raced up to me and I held him in my lap.  “How was he?”

“Needed a couple of stitches. She told us we wouldn’t need to come back since their dissolvable. But to keep an eye out for redness, fever, that kind of thing.” That’s when Caesar let out a few grunts and signed to me with a wide smile.

‘Asked pretty vet for dinner.’ I smirked as Uncle Will shushed and said.

“Don’t tell her any of that Caesar.” Caesar hooted as he came around and placed himself on my back, his arms draped over my neck.  I stood up, holding his legs, being careful around his stitched leg and hoisted him up to adjust his position.

“Boy Caesar before long you’ll get too heavy for this.” I then took him upstairs so that we could watch some tv together.

Later that night I noticed Uncle Will getting all dressed up in his finest that wasn’t work related.  I leaned against the bathroom doorframe and said with a knowing smirk.

“What’s her name?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know Caesar never lies, and you hardly ever go out on dates. So c’mon tell me, what’s her name?” Uncle Will sighed as he paused getting his cufflinks on.

“Her name’s Caroline. She was the vet who stitched up Caesar’s leg. It was all his idea, not mine.”

“Is she cute?” I asked.

“She uhh—” he chuckled nervously.  “I’d say she’s more than cute.”

“You gonna introduce us to her?”

“What’s with the third degree huh?”

“It’s not third degree, I’m just wondering if you’re gonna keep her around or not.” I walked up and hopped onto the bathroom sink.  I placed my hands on his shoulders and said as I looked him in the eye, “You deserve happiness too Uncle Will. Lately you’ve been burying yourself into your work, taking care of not only Caesar but gramps and me. You never do anything for yourself anymore, I want you to have that again.”

“Oh Lin,” he cupped the side of my face.

“If the date works out, promise you’ll call her back. Don’t be like most guys who always say, ‘yeah I’ll call you later’ but then you never do.”

“If it all goes well I promise to call her back. Third date at least, I’ll even bring her around and introduce you and Charles to her.”

“You better.” I looked him over and took off the bowtie.  “Lose the tie, you look better without one.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. And try not to put on too much cologne. What you have on now is enough.”

“Okay Miss ‘date expert’ anything else I should do or change?” he asked incredulously but also in a laughing manner.

“Yeah, make sure to take a breath mint or two cause you’re breath reeks!”

“You little—” he picked me up and took me off the sink before head locking me and gave me a hard noogie which made me shriek and struggle before I finally got out of his grip.  “Now run along, I’m picking her up at 8 and I don’t wanna be late.”

“You could not, would not want to wait.” I couldn’t help but tease a rhyme back to him.  He gave me a teasing crossed look before resuming his date preparations.  Once he was done, he ruffled my head and said.

“Stay out of trouble, don’t let Caesar watch too much tv and don’t stay up too late. Just because it’s summer vacation for you doesn’t mean you can stay up all night.”

“I know, plus I’ve got rehearsal tomorrow anyways. We’ll probably watch one more movie and then I’ll head to bed. Have fun on your date, but not too much fun. I don’t want to have a little cousin just yet.” Uncle Will gawked at me as I laughed and raced back upstairs.  As I came back into my room, Caesar turned to me and signed.

‘Has he left yet?’

“Just about. Don’t worry as soon as he’s gone I’ll play the movie. But we gotta keep it low, don’t wanna wake up grandpa.” Caesar and I sat by the window and watched as Will left the house and headed for his car.

The headlight came on and we could faintly hear the engine coming to life from his station wagon.  Soon he eventually drove off and I told him.

“Now we can watch it.” He leapt over and quietly shut my door before turning off the lights and I turned on my tv and got the movie set up.  Soon the main menu for Jurassic Park came on and I said, “You sure you wanna do this? It can get quite scary at times.”

‘Caesar can handle dino movie.’ I raised my brow at him.

“Okay, but if you get nightmares, I’m telling uncle Will this was your idea.” We cuddled up in my bed and I pressed play and soon the movie began.

About two weeks passed and as promised after their third date, Will actually brought Caroline into the house to meet both me and grandpa.  We heard the door open and immediately Caesar raced down the stairs and I heard him hooting and panting excitedly.

“Hey pal, glad to see you too.” As I came down the stairs I then saw as Caesar raised his hand to Caroline hooting softly.

“Nice to see you too Caesar.” I titled my head at the interaction.  Even though Will said she was a nurse for the local zoo, sometimes you hear those stories about people who just don’t really have the animals best interest at heart.  But Caesar did seem to like her, and you can always trust an animal’s instinct over a person’s opinion.

“Guess Will wasn’t lying when he said Caesar liked you.” I fully came down the stairs and Will introduced us.

“Caroline, I’d like you to meet my niece, Lin. Lin, this is Caroline.” I walked up and extended my hand and she shook my hand telling me.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you Lin. Will talks about you all the time.”

“Really well now you get the face to match the name.”

“You know, when Will told me he had a niece I half expected to meet a little girl but you are so grown up.”

“So do you help all the animals at the zoo or just the primates?”

“If I’m asked to tend other animals, I do. But mostly I keep to the primate exhibits. I’ve always been fascinated by the great apes, but chimpanzees I’ve especially loved. And Caesar is something truly remarkable.”

“That he is, that he is.” I said as Caesar came up to me and took my hand swinging it back and forth cooing softly.

“Okay well why don’t we move this conversation elsewhere and I can also give you the grand tour of my humble abode. Maybe we’ll even find my dad so you can meet him.” Said Uncle Will.

“Last I saw him, he was in the study reading Julius Caesar.” I told him and he nodded before escorting Caroline further into the house.  Caesar hooted as he pulled on my pant leg and he signed concerningly.

‘You no like Caroline?’

‘Just trying to get a feel of her. Make sure she’s good for uncle Will.’ I led Caesar towards the kitchen where he got up onto the table and leapt onto the pot rack and swung up to get him and myself cookies from the cookie jar at the very top of the shelf.  Once he got the two cookies, he placed the lid back on the jar before hopping back down and handed me my cookie.

I ruffled his head and we soon heard grandpa, Will and Caroline coming into the kitchen.

“So after 35 years of teaching I had to retire but I was granted one of the best awards by my school. They treated me like a soldier going off to war.” Grandpa told Caroline of his days as a music teacher at his old school.

“And never was there anyone like you since. One of the people who plays the cello at the community center in my group told me that their current music teacher sucks.” I told him.

“Lin.” Uncle Will reprimanded me.

“Oh come on, sucks is not a bad word old timer.” I teased as I took a bite of my cookie.

“You play at the community center?” asked Caroline.

“Yep. Soprano violin.”

“One of the best violinist I’ve ever heard.” Grandpa praised.

“Grandpa, I’m the only violinist you’ve ever heard.”

“Not true. I’ve heard several violinists back during my schooling years, but none could compare to you my songbird.” I playfully rolled my eyes before joining them at the table.

“In fact, she’s got a performance happening in a few weeks. You should come see her play if you don’t believe us.” Will suggested.

“I think that’s be up to Lin, Will. I wouldn’t want to impose.” Caroline said.

“I don’t mind. If you don’t mind sitting for two hours for a jazz concert.”

“Then it’s a good thing I happen to love jazz music.” She said.

“It’s pretty cool. Hard to play at times especially if we do swing jazz. But nothing compares to when we get to do program music.”

“Program music?”

“It’s the technical term for film scores.”

“Ahh.”

“Yeah, that’s what she wants to be when she grows up. A film composer.” Said uncle Will.

“I see nothing wrong with that.”

“Thank you! Uncle Will thinks it won’t pay the bills in the future that I should have something to fall back on.”

“You smashing your niece’s dreams?” Caroline asked accusingly.

“No, no, no! All I meant was that while doing that, she should have a backup plan to fall on. The world’s always in a competition over something.”

“While that is true, there’s nothing wrong with chasing after that dream. And I see before me a young woman whose going to chase that dream no matter what.” Caroline said firmly as she looked at me and gave me an encouraging wink.  “We ladies got to stick up for one another, right?”

“We sure do.” The rest of the night was spent having conversations between the five of us until Caroline had to leave.

My final verdict after that night, I believe we had just found a new member to join the Rodman troop.

Months passed and it was getting towards the end of summer and close to the start of not only the school season, but also the autumn.  Caroline and Will were still going strong and whenever she had a free day off work, she’d come by the house to visit us.

Like I said, she truly started to become a member of the family.  Caesar adored her so much, grandpa liked having her around, and I did too.  She really became the female voice I could go to for advice if I didn’t feel like going to either Will or grandpa with something.  And being a teenage girl, I was really going to need that more than ever.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning when Caroline had came for her daily visits on her flex days.  It was also the first time Caesar had wanted her to see his room so we all spent the morning up there.  We all watched in awe as well as amusement as Caesar acrobatically climbed over the railings before going over to his monkey bars.

“Hey Caesar, come on.” Uncle Will said. 

“Good to see you again, Caroline.” Grandpa said. “You coming Caesar?” as grandpa left the attic, Caesar continued to play along the rooftop as Caroline asked.

“So what’s your secret?”

“I can’t take any credit. It’s in his genes.” Uncle Will said humbly.

“I think you’re being very modest. He’s pretty amazing. I think you’ve built a pretty good home for Caesar here.” I shook my head playfully as he was now walking along the railings like a balance beam before he hung upside down by his legs chattering happily.

“But?” uncle Will said as he sat down on Caesar’s bed.  Caesar hopped down and came over to him then Caroline said as she sat down beside uncle Will.

“He won’t stay this way for long. He’s gonna soon grow into a large, powerful animal.” Caesar, completely oblivious to their conversation, continued to chatter happily as he looked between both Will and Caroline.  She told him to hop up onto the bed, which he did as he chattered away.

Now this I knew was going to happen.  After all Caesar isn’t a dog or a cat, he’s a wild animal and wild animals shouldn’t normally be kept as pets.  And I’ve heard the horror stories of pet chimps suddenly turning on their owners and ripping them apart to the point of unrecognition.  But Caesar isn’t like other chimps, he’s way to intelligent to suddenly go primal like that.

“How’s he been doing?”

“Okay, I think.”

“I love chimpanzees, I’m also afraid of them. And it’s appropriate to be afraid of them.” Caesar broke the tension by going up to Will and began playfully shaking him.  We all laughed as uncle Will said.

“Caesar would never hurt anybody. Hey! Hey! He’s happy here, come on.” Caesar began to playfully wrestle with uncle Will before he rolled himself off the bed and I came over to him as we now began to wrestle with each other.

“He’s way to intelligent for that brutish behavior.” I said as I playfully pinned him down before he squirmed his way out of my grip and tackled me to the ground.  He then came close to my face and just when I thought he’d give me a kiss, it was actually a raspberry to my cheek and I exclaimed in playful disgust as Caesar grunted out a laughter.

“Yeah I can see that.” Caesar then leapt towards his window to look outside and beat on the window excitedly.  “Can we at least give him some open space?”

“That’s what I’ve been telling him for over a year now Caroline.” I said as I came up and rested my arms over Caesar’s bed wiped his spit off my cheek.

“Yeah that probably would be a good idea. I know a place right across the bridge. The redwoods. It’s paradise.”

“Wow, I hadn’t been there since I was a kid with grandpa.”

“We’ll have to go early, before it gets too packed. That means you’ll need to get up early tomorrow Lin.”

“For this guy, I’d get up at the butt crack of dawn.” I said going over to Caesar.  “You here that brother ape? You’re finally gonna go see some real trees. The redwoods, your own personal jungle away from home.” Caesar grunted excitedly as he looked between me and beating against the window.

The next morning as promised, we all packed up the station wagon and drove over the Golden gate bridge and towards Muir Woods, aka the redwoods.  Caesar sat in the back looking out of the car in wonder and awe.

All the times he did ride in the car, all he ever saw were the tall buildings and city lights.  But now for the first time he’s getting to see nothing but trees as far as the eye could see.  I sat in the back with grandpa but turned towards Caesar as he signed out.

‘Big trees.’

“Yeah pal, as tall as some of the buildings back home aren’t they?” he nodded.  After about 10-15 more minutes of driving we soon reached the entry way into Muir Woods.  The car turned off and Will rolled down the back window so that Caesar could peek out of the car.  We all soon got out of the car and Will came around with a leash and attached it to the collar he had put on for Caesar.

“Come on, come on.” Uncle Will said as he opened the back door and Caroline came and rubbed the back of his head.

“He doesn’t need a leash, he’ll be fine.” Grandpa said.

“Just to be safe, come on.” Uncle Will stated.  I rolled my eyes but didn’t say anything.  But I couldn’t help but smile at Caesar’s excitement as he bounced around and walked between all of us.

“Come on Caesar.” Grandpa called out.  We passed under the sign and Caesar continued to look around in awe.  “This is the redwoods.” Grandpa pointed out to Caesar and we continued to walk along the trail until we got towards the bridge that stood over the creek and eventually led into the depths of the woods.

Grandpa and I were already a quarter of the way across the bridge when Will called out to Caesar telling him.

“Alright. If I take this off, you cannot leave my sight. I would never find you again. Okay?” uncle Will slowly took the leash off of Caesar but he didn’t immediately go running off, in fact his excitement dwindled and he did something that we had never seen him do before.

He bowed his head and slowly extended his right hand out, palm facing upward.

“What’s this?” grandpa asked as we came back over to him.

“He’s never done that before.” I pointed out.

“What’s he doing?” he asked Caroline who didn’t seem confused but surprised.

“I don’t believe that.” Caesar briefly looked up before gesturing to his palm again.

“What?” asked uncle Will.

“He’s asking your permission. It’s a supplicating gesture.” Caroline then took Will’s hand and had him gently run his fingers across Caesar’s palm softly saying, “It’s okay.” Will gave him a nod and I told Caesar.

“Go on brother ape, off you go!” Caesar chattered excitedly before bounding across the bridge, hopping over the railing and running through the trees at the side of the bridge.  We saw the rustling of the shrubs and his excited shrieks echoed through the woods.

“Look at him go!” grandpa called out as the four of us ran across the bridge to follow him.

We entered deep into the forests where the only trail you had was the natural one before you.  All of them leading you in different ways and directions, and the encompassing trees almost makes you feel claustrophobic to some who don’t know these woods.

Both uncle Will and grandpa were calling out for Caesar, uncle Will more frantic as we couldn’t find Caesar anywhere.  But if I knew him, I knew he wouldn’t just run off.  This is all still new to him, he probably ran off before stopping somewhere to admire the view of these trees.  After all, throughout the entire car ride here he couldn’t stop signing about the trees.

As Caroline, uncle Will and I came to a clearing where the tallest trees stood in a circle, there at the center of the clearing stood Caesar.

“I knew it.” I muttered with a soft. comforting smile.  Caesar was absolutely mesmerized by the size of these trees and couldn’t wait to climb them but he wanted to wait for us to see him do it.

“Caesar!” grandpa called out as he came and joined us.  Caesar turned toward us and he encouraged him, “Go on Caesar, climb!” at that statement, Caesar ran towards the first tree he saw and immediately began climbing up it.

“Go higher!” cried uncle Will.  We all watched with pride as Caesar’s natural climbing abilities took over as he scaled higher and higher into the skyline of the forest.  Grandpa let out one more encouraged ‘climb’ towards Caesar as he was now no more than a speck up in the trees. “Be careful! Caesar be careful!” Uncle Will advised.

“He’ll be fine, you worry too much uncle Will.” I said as we heard Caesar’s shrieks echoing through the woods one last time but it wasn’t out of fear, but pride.

Any chance we could, we’d always bring him out to the redwoods so he could get more practice in climbing.  No matter what the weather was, we’d bring him out here.  Caesar proved to be a natural climber, and every day he’d go higher and higher until he’d eventually climb all the way to the top of the trees, tall enough to probably see the entire skyline of San Francisco.

[c4fin4t3d-f1sh]

Limelight Basics

It's finally finished! I would love to see if anyone makes art of it or wants to make our bots friends- Idk, I want to be more prominent in this community, PLEASE... I promise I will draw more,,,

ANYWAYS, HERE, TAKE IT.

LIMELIGHT

Pronouns: He/It/She

Gender: Aboy

Height: 5’ 8”

Body type: Slim, muscular

Job: Dancer/Performer

Where were they born? Performance Robotics, 1892

What were their childhood experiences like? Pressured, made to be perfect, secretive, was constantly being “repaired” which caused it to malfunction more often

What significant events have shaped their life? Performing in 1915 in a collaboration with Walter Robotics at Balboa Park, traveling the carnival with mostly humans, being put in the spotlight an overwhelming amount as he was the first carnival bot, being scolded after failing to do tasks

What does your character want? To spread joy through dance and lead a more lowkey life after over a century of performing

Strengths (Physical, mental, emotional) Dancing, mobility, comfort, staying calm, grace

Weaknesses (Physical, mental, emotional) Physical malfunctions that cause him to tic, can’t handle criticism, gets angered easily, sensory sensitive

Are they introverted or extroverted? Ambivert

Shy or outgoing? Kind or selfish? Outgoing, king

Create a list of traits that describe their character. Kind, creative, silly, persistent, loyal (specifically after WR bought her), flexible

Do they have a specific way of speaking, It speaks normally, a little quiet

A unique fashion style, 20th Century carnival

Or an unusual hobby? Laying on cold floors

What are their relationships like with family, Very strong now that he doesn’t live primarily with humans

Friends, Loyal and kind, he likes messing with people/bots, but is quick to apologize if he hurts them

And enemies? Forgiving through time, mostly spiteful and angry, though

What inner struggles does your character face? The fear he will never be good enough, fear of abandonment, grudges against Performance

How are they around new people?

Hesitant, but tries to be nice and make a good impression

Do they speak in an accent?

American

Have they tried learning a new language?

Never had the time to, might eventually? Probably Russian or Dutch

How many languages do they know?

One, English

What is a song that will always make them cry?

Average - Sushi Soucy, I Bet On Losing Dogs - Mitski

How do they cry? heaving? silently? sobbing?

Silently when angry but heaving and loudly when sad or overwhelmed

What is the first thing they notice about a stranger?

Posture and stance, it likes to mimic confidence

What is their humor like?

She would try to match other’s humor, but it’s usually dry and out of pocket

Who would they quote?

He likes to quote his family, especially The Spine as it is very attached to him as it has experienced similar things as him

What could make them change their mind?

Guilt tripping

Who is the first person they'd call?

The Spine (for reasons above) or maybe Whirligig? (Still trying to decide if Whirli and Lime would date)

How are they around animals?

It LOVES animals! Begged Peter VI to get a dog and grew up with a border collie that worked with Lime at the carnival

What is something they've never told anyone?

His memories of being disassembled (Performance didn’t know she could see it happening)

What are habits they've picked up from other people?

He mimics stances and also quotes shows he likes (∞ autism)

What are their guilty pleasures?

Extremely vulgar and loud music

What is something they're staunchly against?

Victim blaming, gaslighting, animal abuse, discrimination, etc.

Do they speak a certain way?

It expresses some signs of vocal tics, like mimicking ambulances (“weewoo!”) and sometimes small things he’s picked up from shows or games (games with Spine and some of his fanbot friends, has specifically picked up the Talking Ben “no” noise)

Can they fall in love?

Uhhhhmm, maybe Whirli, gay robots kissing yay

What would they rather die than do?

Go back to Performance Robotics

What is their biggest mistake?

Traveling the carnival

CABINET FILING FACTS

Found his abandon prototype in the basement one time after hearing metallic clicking, was so disgusted by the sight he didn’t come up for 3 days

Yeah, uhm, I’ll develop this lore more eventually with the whole Performance shit and stuff eventually.

[odetodilfs]

can i request a joel miller x male reader where reader had a bad day or had a nightmare ab him dying or getting infected and joel comforts the reader? you can change it up a bit but yeah

-anon🪼:)

Holding you

Hey anon!! I'm so sorry for taking this long but here it is!! Short but sweet hehe...

Pairing: Joel Miller x male!reader

Warnings: Ellie calling you out for being too goddamn gay, but that's it, established relationship, reader referred to as boyfriend.

You looked in horror at the bite on your arm, you screamed and shouted for Joel, “Joel- they- it- it bit me-” you sobbed, Joel was panting as he held your hand, knowing he’d lose you, “My love…” he caressed your face, “GO!! NOW!!” you said as you felt the impulse to kill him start to appear, he left… you stayed there crying…

“Baby? Love? What’s wrong?” Joel’s sleepy voice woke you up as there was a hand in your hair, “Oh- Joel” you leaned in and hugged him like crazy, like he was gonna disappear, “Nightmare?” he asked you, holding your body in his arms, you nodded “Come here my baby…” he kissed your cheek gently, “my beautiful boyfriend” he smiled at you, you smiled back, you leaned into his arms as he kissed your hair. The door to your room opened as Ellie walked in. “I heard screaming” she said, “Nothing, kid, go back to sleep” Joel ordered, “he just had a nightmare” he explained to her,

“Oh, well, stop acting so goddamn gay” she complained, both you and Joel realizing you were still holding in each other, but just to annoy Ellie you gave Joel a peck on the lips, she jokingly made a face of disgust and went back to her room. You and Joel laughed and he looked at your eyes.

“What is it Joel?” you asked, intrigued to see why he was looking at you with a smile,

“Why are you so beautiful?” he asked out of the blue, “I don’t know, but you’re extremely beautiful too” 

“I don’t deserve you” he held you in his arms, “You do, Joel, you really do, we’re made for each other” you stroked his hand “now let’s go back to sleep” you kissed his cheek, soon, both of you were sleeping, this time with no nightmares.

[hawkinsbnbg]

Steve's first thought when he discovered bisexuality wasn't "Oh, so there's a name for me, I'm not alone", it was "What a relief that I can still like girls" instead.

Don't get him wrong, he wasn't against being gay, it was just that girls were always an easier option for him.

He didn't need to pretend because he did like girls, like how soft and nice-smelling they were, like how they nestled in his arms and let him protect them.

But he also liked how tough and masculine-smelling boys were, like how they roughhoused and overpowered him whenever they wanted to.

He liked both and somehow, he was afraid ashamed to admit so.

Thus, while he would go out with girls and hook up with them, he would jerk off to photos of naked men on his phone when he was alone and fantasized about being pinned beneath them.

And yet, those masturbations remained as his guilty pleasure. A scandalous thing that was never allowed to see the sunlight.

Steve knew nothing was wrong with him liking boys, the world had started becoming kinder and more accepting.

But it was also difficult letting himself become the one thing that he had been taught was bad growing up.

His worldview didn't quite shatter when he first had a wet dream about one of the boys in his class, but it was a close thing.

It had made Steve dizzy and nauseous, causing him to almost have a panic attack when he thought it was over for him.

That was why he had spent his high school years sleeping around, hoping to cure himself.

It was until he met Robin that his eyes were opened.

Learning about bisexuality had finally set his mind at peace and he could never thank his best friend enough for saving him from his inner turmoil.

Still, Steve always had this secret fear that no one knew about, even Robin. But he had a suspicion that she already did and was just waiting for him to confide in her.

Thing was, Steve always wondered what he would do if the love of his life was a 'he' and not a 'she'.

Would he be brave enough to love 'him'? Or would he continue denying his feelings and stay single and unhappy for the rest of his life?

As Steve was still struggling with those questions, Eddie Munson had swept into his life like a storm.

The man took nobody's shit and was unapologetic when he told people his opinions.

He was weird and funny but also kind and a romantic at heart.

He always listened to Steve, took Steve seriously, and offered Steve comfort.

He made Steve laugh, made Steve forget all about the bad things, and made Steve float with happiness.

He was everything Steve could ever ask for in a partner.

Except, Eddie Munson was a 'he'.

And never once in his life Steve had wished to be a girl so bad.

Because if he was a girl, he could be together with Eddie without fearing his parents' disappointment or the pity and disdain people would throw his way once they knew he wasn't straight.

Nonetheless, all of that couldn't compare to his fear of losing Eddie.

Every day, the fear got worse until Steve just broke down and started bawling his eyes out in his bathroom at three in the morning because he missed Eddie so much.

After crying his heart out, he decided to just up and go to Eddie.

The older man had taken one look at him before carefully pulling him inside his apartment and wrapping him in his steady arms.

"Eddie," he sobbed, unable to keep his emotions at bay.

"I'm here, sweetheart," Eddie combed his hair gently and swayed them both slowly. "I'm here."

Everything kind of went hazy after that for Steve and when he woke up again, he found himself being tucked safely in Eddie's chest.

Somehow, the easy intimacy between them just broke something inside Steve.

He didn't know he was crying again until he heard Eddie's worried voice above him.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt somewhere, Steve?" Eddie had pulled back to get a better look at him.

"Nothing, I... I'm just scared," Steve sniffled.

"Oh," Eddie's face softened and the man started stroking his back soothingly. "What are you scared of, Stevie?"

"You," Steve admitted.

"Me?" Hurt flashed across Eddie's eyes.

"Yeah," Steve closed his eyes and dug the heel of his palm into his eyelid as he choked out. "I'm scared that I love you," his lips wobbled again, "So much, too much."

A tense silence blanketed them and Steve kept breathing shakily. He didn't dare to open his eyes not even when Eddie shifted and cradled his face softly.

"Me too," Eddie whispered. "I'm scared too."

That made Steve's eyes fly open in surprise, "Was that why you never said anything?"

"Yes and no," Eddie smiled sadly at him. "I'm always scared but never was I more scared of anything than losing you, sweetheart. I never said anything because I was afraid that I'd ruin our friendship with my stupid feelings."

"What should I do?" Steve leaned into the older man's touch and watched those dark eyes reflect his image. They were shining with many unsaid things and he wished he could keep them all to himself.

"I can't say anything for you, darlin'," Eddie caressed his cheek tenderly. "But we can be scared together if you accept me. Accept us."

Steve parted his lips to say it, but all the words just stuck in his throat and choked him with their thorns.

Eddie seemed to understand him nonetheless because the older man just gave him another sad smile before leaning closer until their lips met in a soft kiss.

"I love you," Steve murmured when they finally parted, his pointer finger tracing the line on Eddie's jaw.

"Love you too, my sweet boy," Eddie kissed his forehead and held him close again.

After that night, they had been inseparable. Despite their relationship staying secret, they had announced it to their close friends and Eddie's uncle.

Though the fear was still there and Steve might never be ready to accept himself, he felt better with Eddie by his side, always understanding and loving him unconditionally.

And Steve just knew he would be alright. They would be alright.