#THE GAYS STAY LOSING :SOB:

[bbydoll18xx]

How Do I Get to Heaven?

'Without changing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven?'

Paige Bueckers x reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Themes: angst, slurs, religious trauma, HAPPY ENDING i promise

A/N: hiii so this one is super angsty and sad. I've been going through a rough time, and this is my way of coping. I kinda touched on these subjects in 'She's Such a Good Girl' part 2, and this is similar. I was obsessed with 'Heaven' by Troye Sivan when I was like 15-16 and the lyrics hit a little too hard. If you're gay and were raised in a religious household, I suggest taking a listen.

~

“He’s a fuckin’ faggot!”

“Hate the sin, love the sinner.”

“Those kinds of people are going straight to hell.”

Your face remained neutral. It had to. But you had years of practice, and while you were internally sobbing at the bigoted remarks, there was nothing you could do to stop it. So you stayed quiet, and you maintained your usual look of disinterest. 

Running up the stairs, you finally make it into the safehaven of your bedroom. You shut the door quietly, trying to avoid seeming as if anything is wrong or out of the ordinary. Nothing could possibly be wrong. You were the perfect child; straight As, never in trouble, and you always were eager to help out around the house. But you were harboring a dirty little secret that threatened to rip you from the grips of being the golden girl of your family. 

Sobs wracked your body as you slid onto the carpeted floor of your room. What had started off as an innocent dinner had turned into a nightmare. Slurs were thrown around casually, and unbeknownst to your family, you were the unidentified target. Your sexuality was the reason you had become an empty shell of a person, riddled with fear of accidentally outting yourself. And the anxieties you felt were bubbling up, threatening to ruin the perfect image of yourself that you had crafted for your loved ones. 

This wasn’t the first time. And it surely would not be the last. 

Your family had always claimed to love you. Your childhood was a happy one, but you feared the truth would break everyone. And even if they found out and still claimed to love you, you knew they would always see you differently. Gone would be the girl they knew, and their eager touts would be replaced with hushed whispers. You’d forever be known as “the gay one.” And you fucking resented that.

So here you sat on the floor, trying to quiet your sobs as you mourned the loss of the life you once knew and the people who would eventually turn their backs to you. 

Summer was ending, and soon you would be fleeing back to college, where your guard could be let down just enough to show the world a glimpse of who you really were and who you really wanted to love. 

There was just one girl who you wanted to love you back.

Paige Bueckers was your best friend. And she was so very gay. 

Since meeting her at the beginning of freshman year, she had pulled you out of a darkness that had resided in you since you had realized your feelings towards girls. It did not take long for you to fall madly, head-over-heels in love with her, but you had vowed to ignore it. 

Even if there was any hope of reciprocated feelings, you knew deep down that being in love with a girl would mean having to come out to your family. And you were just not ready for that. You weren’t sure if you would ever be ready for that. 

The thought terrified you. You knew you were willingly inhibiting a possibility of incredible happiness and love, but because it was at the risk of losing your loved ones, you were shutting it all out. 

‘Fuck. I really need therapy,’ you think miserably. 

That was the understatement of the century.

~

The new school year starts, and Uconn’s campus is ablaze with excited students and the possibilities of what is to come. You are finally starting to feel like yourself again, and the second your parents leave your apartment, you don a t-shirt plastered with Diana Taurasi’s face on it. 

You could finally get your gay card back.

A loud knock rings through the empty apartment, and before you could get to the door to answer it, Paige is peeking her head through it, a huge grin covering her face. 

She wastes no time barreling through the room, sweeping you up in a hug and spinning you around. Your feet leave the ground, causing your stomach to flip, and your legs automatically wrap around her waist for leverage. 

“Someone missed me,” you giggle, feeling breathless from being back in Paige’s tight embrace. You had been dreaming of this since you last saw her, back in July. 

“Course I did,” she chuckles, voice muffled against your hair. “You glad to be back?”

You groan. “Fuck, yeah I am. Lookin’ forward to not hearing some slurs for a bit,” you say, fist-pumping the air with a dramatic roll of the eyes. “And I’m especially looking forward to not having to listen to Fox fuckin’ News,” you add, pretending to gag.

Paige’s eyes rake over you, and she pouts, already knowing how your family could be. She had listened to your endless rants and your pathetic cries for the past three years. 

“I think you should just move in with me after this year ends. That way you don’t have to put up with that shit. Then we can be together after graduation,” she says earnestly. 

This was not the first time she had proposed this idea. And while you were internally jumping at the idea, the fear of how it would look to your family made you shy away. Paige wasn’t exactly the most straight-looking girl. Living with her would make things complicated. Your covert feelings had no place in a situation like that. 

You sigh. “I’ll think about it, P,” you promise, linking your pinky with hers, as you always did. 

~

Christmas break quickly rolls around, and Paige’s words are still playing in the back of your mind. Your feelings for her had grown, as if that was even possible, and having to leave her and the safety and warmth that came with her, was agonizing. 

Sitting against the hard back of the pew in your family’s Catholic church, you look around, thinking about how these people would be okay with you burning in hell forevermore. The familiar feeling of shame creeps back into your chest, the flames licking at your wounds. 

You wanted to run and hide. You wanted Paige. 

The Christmas activities persist, and amongst the holiday cheer and piles of gifts, uncomfortable conversations emerge, and you shrink back to your room, desperate for respite.

You felt so fucking abandoned. This was supposed to be a time to enjoy with your family, and instead you were hiding.

There was one person, though, you knew would not abandon you, and that was Paige. Her presence was enough to lessen the sting of the inevitable rejection of your family, and in that moment, it was enough. 

Pulling out your phone, you dial her number, longing to hear her voice, all the way from Montana. Christmas break could not end quickly enough. 

Paige’s smiling face is soon on your phone screen, but it falls as soon as she sees the tears falling down your cheeks and your wobbling bottom lip.

“Oh, baby, what happened?” She asks in a hushed whisper, voice full of anger and concern. 

“They hate me,” you cry. “They fucking hate me, and they don’t even know it yet.”

Paige sighs, trying to find the right words. While she had always had acceptance from those around her, she knew how difficult it was for you to be at home, and she desperately wished to take away your anguish. 

“I love you,” she stresses. “And I know that doesnt fix your family treating you like shit, but soon you’ll be back and everything won’t seem as shitty, I promise.” 

You nod, wiping at your eyes with the sleeve of your sweatshirt. 

She loved you. And you knew that. But you wanted her to love you in the way you loved her. For now, you would take what you could get.

“Just a few more days,” she assures, and you feel the tiniest bit better.

Just a few more days. 

~

The start of the new year always engenders change, and you had promised yourself as the clock chimed to signify it was midnight that this would be the year you would hike up your big girl panties and figure out your shit with Paige. Your senior year had to slow down, and Paige’s proposal had been in the back of your mind since August. 

If you could get over your stupid crush on her, things would be all good and dandy, but your efforts to eradicate her place in your heart were futile. You had mused it over nearly a million times. Maybe you’d eventually get over her, and maybe she would have some bizarre habit that would inevitably give you the ick, ridding you of all romantic feelings toward her. 

You could only hope. 

You pump yourself up on the way over to Paige’s apartment, encouraging words forming on your lips, leaving a trail of fog from your warm breath against the cold air. 

You knock on her door, cheeks pink from the frigid temperatures of Connecticut in January, grateful that it hides your blush. Paige opens the door, eyes wide and hopeful. She always looked so damn alluring. 

Your words leave your mouth before your chary mind could overtake you. “I want to move in with you after school ends. I can’t go back to living like that.”

Paige’s features twist into a smile, and she pulls you in for a hug. “Gonna take such good care of you,” she whispers, and you believe her. Your arms wrap around her middle, anchoring you to the floor. 

“I should probably tell you, though,” she trails, her voice getting smaller as she takes a deep breath. 

You look up at her, confusedly. “Tell me what?”

“I love you. And not just like as a friend. So if you don’t want to live with me because of that, I get it,” she mumbles, eyes trained on the floor.

Your breath quickens at the realization. Paige loved you. And the thought of being a colossal disappointment to your family and potentially cast out did not seem to matter as much anymore. Because here was someone who loved every part of you and accepted the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

The look of shock swiftly morphs into one of unbridled euphoria, and without another thought, you pull Paige in for a kiss. It was filled with the pure longing and want of years of uncontrollable urges and repressed thoughts, and it nearly made all the shittiness worth it.

Pulling away, Paige links her pinky with yours again, just as she had back in August. It was an unspoken promise of love. And while you knew the journey would be inexorably difficult, Paige was worth it in the end. 

~

dang that was rough lol but thanks for reading as always:) I really hope this wasn't too triggering or anything for anyone. This has been such a nice outlet for my pain and anger, as I really don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff. I am here for everyone who can relate. My inbox is open if you guys ever want/need to talk

xoxo katy

[snek-of-eden]

Star Trek AMV Masterpost (ongoing)

I feel like amvs are so often forgotten in fandom culture, so here's a list of my favourites! All are on YouTube, and all credit goes to the original creators. the links should take you straight there. (the majority of these are spirk, but there's definitely variety!!) some of these are pretty popular, others obscure, but they're all amazing and you should totally check them out. My all time fav ones are marked with a 💙.

Spirk:

Star Trek || A Thousand Years - [Kirk/Spock] -- this one is super well known, incredibly crafted, a beautiful homage to TOS Spirk and their journey that fades seamlessly into AOS through Spock Prime's memories 💙

Kirk/Spock - If I Were Gay -- absolutely hilarious TOS amv that feels like a parody, I laughed my ass off. all the suggestive scenes and hella funny lyrics to accompany it

Kirk & Spock │Renegades -- amazing x ambassadors song, the lyrics fit them so well and the colouring was spot on. TOS going through the original series and the movies!! 💙

Kirk & Spock │ Come right back to you -- exploration of TOS spirk's bond interspersed with show quotes and the most melancholic soundtrack. shed a tear at this one

Spock and Kirk Feel Again - A Star Trek Music Video -- absolute BANGER of a One Republic song, a TOS amv focusing on Spock and Kirk (with some stunning song parallels to Spock's emotions and the lyrics!)

Star Trek TOS | Two Slow Dancers - [Kirk + Spock] -- would you like to cry today? do you want to sob into your pillow? then this is the video for you. Mitski and TOS Spirk together is a gorgeous combo, and the editing is /on point/

Star Trek - Can't Help Falling In Love (Kirk/Spock) -- an oldie but a goodie, Jim and Spock's ballad of love all throughout TOS and the movies

Keep Holding On (Kirk/Spock) -- its the combo you never knew you needed! glee and Star Trek!! show tunes, glitter, and a completely TOS movie based amv about the events of Search For Spock and The Voyage Home

Running Up That Hill (Kirk/Spock) -- Kate Bush cover and Star Trek TOS? yes fucking please. don't diss the Kate Bush, people. ITS NOT CRINGE HERE. all your swoon-worthy, love-for-the-ages spirk content, some suggestive scenes spliced in the middle, a lot of amok time hehe

K/S (Kirk/Spock) - FUN -- adrenaline inducing AOS spirk fighting amv set to Troye Sivan!! some seriously talented editing and a very pretty AOS colouring

Spirk 'Blank Space' -- christ, this video was what got me to actually watch AOS. One of the only AOS amvs I cherish with my whole heart. the song is a cover of Taylor Swift's Blank Space - and imo it's even better than the original. I've ranted about the editing on a lot of these but this one just about takes the cake. fucking gorgeous 💙

Spock/Kirk - Blue (Star Trek TOS/AOS) -- angsty af and set to Halsey's 'Colors', this one'll get you sobbing. more slow-paced. also, both TOS and AOS!!

Spock / Kirk - Stay {TOS/AOS} -- Hurts is such an underrated artist but so many of their songs are spirk coded!! Very pretty edit, lots of parallels

Kirk/Spock - Landslide -- Fleetwood Mac and some lovely melancholic TOS movie reminiscing about Kirk and Spock's relationship as they're growing older and losing their youth

Kirk/Spock - Wait for It -- calling all Hamilton fans, this one'll be right up your alley. TOS fading into AOS and focusing primarily on Kirk and Spock's dynamic through Spock's perspective. fast paced and fucking wicked

Star Trek: Kirk/Spock || Hold on -- the obligatory Hold On amv (I feel like every fandom has one lol). AOS, spirk, some great angst here!

James T. Kirk:

James T. Kirk | I'll Be Good -- absolutely STUNNING exploration of AOS Kirk's character and psyche, done with gorgeous editing and colours and scene selection. I'm not a huge AOS fan but I played this on repeat for a week. Song is I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young, which is incredibly Jim Kirk coded. so so amazing 💙

Icarus | Jim Kirk [HD] -- snappy cuts and a great portrayal of AOS Kirk. Spirky undertones but nothing explicit. super poignant lyrics

Little Talks - Captain Kirk Tribute: A Star Trek Music Video -- captivating, beautifully edited amv by First Officer Nims (who make some of the best amvs I've watched), one of the most meaningful TOS Kirk videos I've had the pleasure of finding. It's constantly in my head, in my heart, in my soul. 10/10 💙

{James T. Kirk} BI BI BI -- all y'all bi Jim truthers, this one's for you. all of Jim's fruitiest moments from TOS (and behind the scenes) gathered into one camp edit and set to the glorious sounds of NSYNC!! featuring "are there men on this planet", "they seem to be bisexual" and Jim nearly kissing McCoy ;) 💙

jim kirk's babiest moments | fanvid -- not exactly an amv but it's close enough!! exactly what it says on the tin - TOS Jim being the most babygirl ever, pouting, flirting with spock and bones, fighting people by throwing himself at them, and much more. go watch it, you'll thank me

Spones:

What's On Your Mind | Spones || Star Trek [TOS] -- a masterfully put together and downright hilarious eighties-themed spock/bones TOS amv!! (featuring both Nimoy and Kelley's voices in the actual song recording)

Spock & Bones • Hopeless place -- two words: RIHANNA COVER. it's short, its AOS, it's fuckin Rihanna. what is there not to love? I have nothing more to say. go listen to Rihanna

The Night We Met || Spones -- Lord Huron and TOS Spones amv, it's just a general lovely video, great editing and the lyrics fit them so well. I felt Lots of Emotions watching this, and so will you

[Star Trek] Spock/McCoy - Please Don't Leave Me -- beautifully put-together video for TOS' Spock and Bones. It's giving so much 'we're divorced but still in love' energy. painful and funny and the bridge of the song is just *screams incoherently* 💙

You Had A Bad Day -Spock/McCoy *Slash* -- sobbing at this one, TOS and absolutely chefs kiss. scene selection is on point, it tells a full story. creator has found what I consider to be the holy grail of Bones' best angsty moments

Star Trek In General:

Star Trek - This Is Me -- I will be preaching about this video for the rest of my fucking life. think of every positive adjective you can; they all do nothing to describe how wonderful this amv is. Greatest Showman is good on its own... when you add Star Trek into the mix something beautiful happens. an absolute anthem of positivity and inclusivity and everything Star Trek is at its heart. Clips taken from every show, but especially DS9, Discovery and the AOS movies!!! probably my favourite on the whole list 💙

Star Trek || I'll keep coming -- very very well done HD AOS amv about the whole cast. feels like a movie. the creator has put so much effort into this and it pays off!! great homage to AOs as a whole

Star Trek | You Are Loved -- AOS tribute to the soundtrack of Lights by Sleeping At Last. Perfect cuts, great lyrics, big fan

[Star Trek: TOS] Party Rock Anthem -- the video for those who want to bust their ass laughing. superb chaos, you will have no idea what's happening and it will be fabulous

Star Trek DS9 - Last Friday Night -- the DS9 group bullshitting around and having a whale of a time for almost four minutes straight. ever wanna show a friend just how weird Star Trek really is? this'll do it. it's like if three hundred punch drunk aliens threw a queer party! wahoo!

Assorted Others:

Garak x Bashir - Hooked -- sexy, dangerous, catchy garashir amv with perfect beat drops and lyrics to die for. fucking sweet, I have this on repeat

Undisclosed Desires | Deep Space Nine -- DS9 Bashir/Garak slash, amazing editing and a sick ass song. Really shows off their - again - dangerous dynamic and the 'I can make him better' 'I can accept his violence' aspects of their relationship

King of Shadow ★ Garashir -- a more intimate, kind-hearted look into Bashir/Garak's relationship, less fast-paced and on-edge. Superb and filled with lies and whispers. love this one!

ϟ twenty years || Jim|Spock|Bones [TOS] -- melancholic but still quick-paced TOS McSpirk exploration. goes through the original series and the movies

Scotty/Uhura- "Hey Soul Sister" -- sweet and utterly adorable lil scotty/uhura amv. fluff fluff and more fluff!! big fan, I am such a simp for the cuteness omg

Garak/Bashir | ST: DS9 | Some Boys -- back on the dangerous garashir shit, this is the stuff of my best nightmares. amazing editing and the song choice is spot on. I've had the single by Death Cab For Cutie on Spotify repeating for a week *heart eyes*

Kathryn Janeway || Soldier -- I'm a big Voyager fan, and this is the perfect tribute to Janeway. It shows exactly how her character works, getting right into her head, and the whole thing is action packed. Paced spectacularly and argh just amazing

Those are some of my favourites!! Please go check some of them out! There are so many more, and the list is growing every day. AMV creators are amazing and I'm kissing you all on the forehead. thank you for your service 💙. I'm in the process of making a public YouTube playlist with all of these on it, so if you want to have that I'll probably link it eventually!!

[tiredistic]

"Her Voice Had never sounded so cold" p.2

P.1 | Part one

Pairing: Regina George x Janis imi'ike, Gretchen Wieners x Karen Shetty

Words: 1,195!

Content warning: Slight 18+ Adult themes, Angst, Depictions of mental illness ( depression, anxiety), Alcoholism, Suicidal thoughts and almost attempt? Mention of abusive parents, Crash, suggestive language.

Summary: The Events after the fight.

A/n: Hey guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter, I kinda made like plot twists that were surprises for me as well so.. Actually might just make this a series. Would you like to see Regina and Janis get back together..? idk their relationship seems kinda in the rocks rn >:o

Not proof read <3

It was cold. So fucking cold. Regina drove home in a fuelled rage. Gosh what a bad day it was to rain. The windows of her car started to fog as her breaths got erratic, her grip of the steering wheel doubling as her mind spiralled. Curses spilled out her mouth as she drove, her eyes getting cloudy. 

“SHIT!” She slapped the steering wheel. “Cady Fucking Heron I’m Going to kill you” she seethed. Regina was utterly taken by hatred and sadness. She screamed and yelled her lungs out. Her voice was raw, the rain covered her sobs, the thunder screaming for her. 

She didn't want to go home. She didn't want her mother to see her so weak. Why is she so weak? Why did jeopardize her relationship? Was Janis even anything to her? 

Was she anything to Janis?

She tried to scream. Her throat roared in pain. Her eyes squeezed, her hands shook. Her mind was so fucked up, that she didnt notice how she was going a 95, in a 60mph zone. Regina knew she shouldn't even be driving right now, but she didn't care. What else was there to lose? She loved Janis. And just like that she was taken from her, why should she worry about her own life? 

As the lightning struck, so did another car. It happened so fast, Regina didn’t even get a chance to react.

Her car was hit. The slippery roads made it hard, but Her emotions made it harder. The car slipped across the highway, down by the trees. She tried to make it stop swerving, but it only made it worse, throwing her body around; making the blond gain all sorts of bruises and cuts from her car. She would have screamed. She wanted to, but she couldn't. She couldn't even ask for help. 

Her Jeep almost hit a displaced branch that would have jacked up her car, taking her life. But it didn’t. Her car stopped just in time for it to only slightly puncture her windshield. A part of her wished it would have. She wished it would have gone all the way through.

She stayed staring at it briefly before reality came down like the rain. How could she drive home like this? Even face her mother? Fuck, she was so scared. She didn't want to go to her father. That.. man. She knew her mother would send her. She couldn't go home.

She grabbed her phone, her bag, and tried to open her door. After a while, she got it open. Falling on to the forest ground, the sound from the heavy storm and the highway consuming her. Mud all over her sweats, blood from the crash, and rain. 

“Why did this have to happen to me..” she sobbed, her blonde hair sticking to her face, she stood up, her socks drenched in water. She walked along the highway before meeting an exit and a gas station. She stopped and called a cab. She noticed a car watching her from a distance, some lady with confusion on her face. Regina had no choice but to wait, in the rain, as the wind hit her body.

Gosh it was cold. 

—

Janis sat on her couch watching the local news. A bottle of Regina’s favorite wine, slipping from her hand. Her mind dazed. Why does everything keep getting ruined? It sucked. Couldn't she have something nice for once? It was just starting to work between them, gosh why was she in the wrong. Wasn’t this all Regina's fault anyway? Or was it hers.. Everything is so confusing.

The door was banged a couple of times before it was opened. Damian rushed in to see what Janis meant over text, “gays n gals stick together.” which was their code phrase for “some extreme shit just happened, come over.” Uppon seeing the girl, he knew.

“Oh my gosh.” Damian muttered before giving aid to the obviously not okay queer on the couch. He took the bottle out of her hand, placing it down before taking the short girl to her bedroom. He picked her up with ease, her body limp from the wine.

“She's gone.” Janis murmured quietly, hugging him.

“I know.” He added softly.

Damian gave Janis a soft knowing look. He covered her with the covers and turned off the lights, going back into the main room. The TV was still on the local news. As he went to turn it off, he froze because of the irony.

“A Hot Pink Jeep Wrangler was just caught swerving off the I-88 highway, at 9:46 today. Severity of the crash was notable, and the driver is currently not at the scene.”

“Witness, Kaitie Gordon saw it all, she says, ‘It's so sad to see these things happen especially to such a pretty car, and such a pretty girl.’”

“So you saw the owner of the car?” The news reporter asked, “Yeah, I saw her walking down the highway down to the gas station maybe? Then got into some car. Blonde, distraught, she was young too. I would have said something, I didn't connect the dots in time, sorry.”

Damian shut off the TV, “Oh my gosh, Janis what the fuck happened..” he wondered to himself. He decided to finish tidying up the apartment before taking his leave, his mind spiraling over what could have happened between the two “girlfriends.”

 –

Gretchen pulled Karen in, they were making out on Gretchen’s bed. Their mouths barely disconnecting, Karen pulling at Gretchen’s clothing, the room was hot, and the attitude was intense. They briefly pulled away for air, but was quickly drained back into kisses, Karen's breath catching in her throat. They moaned into eachothers mouths, their bodies grinding and rubbing each other, their night garments threatening to lift ever so slightly.

The door-bell rang frantically, the banging on the door was aggressive. They slowly pulled away from each other, annoyed slightly, but also confused.

The knocking had to be Regina, it's how Regina always did it. But at 11:34 PM? 

“Stay here, I’ll get it,” Karen giggled, tapping Gretchen's nose. Karen went to open the door and behold it was Regina. But definitely not the Regina they knew.

Regina’s bag was soaked, so was her whole outfit, her white shirt wasn't a good idea. Her blond hair stuck to her head, an aggressive frown plastered on her face, her breathing was shallow, her eyes were dead, and most of all.. She smelt like the forest, terrain and plants. Gosh this wasn't Regina George.

“Holy fuck you look like shit.” Karen added without a thought, as usual.

Regina just scoffed and pushed her way in, Not paying any attention to Karen's concern. 

Gretchen came out, her face distorting as she looked at Regina. “Oh my lord! What happened!?”

Regina just walked past Gretchen going into the bathroom to fix herself.

After about two hours, she came out, her hair looked better, she smelt like lavender rose, and a pink robe covering her.

She joined Karen and Gretchen in the bedroom, their ears ready for the gossip.

“Cady Heron is going to regret ever living.”

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 24

chapter 41: (over halfway through!)

1. 😐 um, i’m actually giving a death glare right now. wdym marlene has to go back to that arena????

2. okay, fuck that bitch dumbledore. he’s worse than coin. i hope he rots

3. i- all these victors going in are sirius’ friends. or his absolute worst enemies to begin with. OR his own fucking family! and his brother! and there’s a MARRIED COUPLE going in having to fight each other. i- this is the most devastating thing i will ever read

4. “James holds his gaze and hopes with everything in him that Regulus sees the truth in James' eyes when he coldly announces, "I hate him."” 😧

5. it hurts that sirius has ALWAYS tried to protect regulus. like, tried burying him like dogs bones once 😭😭

6. oh. oh shit. remus doesn’t know that sirius is a tribute yet

7. 😐 sobbing actually. wolfstar wasn’t supposed to go through this much pain. yet here we are. my babies being hurt.

chapter 42:

1. i like how once again, it’s pointed out that in this fic and canon, dumbledore has never seemed to care about the individual people if it meant winning a war

2. 👁️👄👁️ wide eyes. what is alberforth about to ask albus to do

3. the ring dorcas is handing marlene is eerily similar to the canon 75th hunger games with the token finnick is given

4. “A war could break out right on the other side of the door, and Dorcas would let it wage on to stay right here, just like this, with Marlene.” GAYYYYYYYYYY

5. “Without any fuss, she starts frantically plucking the rings off of one hand, each clink of them hitting the counter making Marlene groan” 😳😳😳 oh my god i am so gay holy shit

6. god i’m so angry. marlene got help with her drinking, then the night the quarterly memorial was announced, she’s right back at it. i’m not angry at marlene btw. i’m pissed at dumbledore and riddle

7. “"You'll be the last thought I have, you know," Marlene whispers. "Before I die, it'll be you. I just know it."” 😟

8. THE ORDER IS GETTING EFFIE AND MONTY POTTER OUT OF DISTRICT SIX!! FUCK YEAH

9. god i love lily in this fic. she is wonderful, beautiful, kind, caring, and most of all: human. she has faults. she won’t get close to people because last time she did, she lost remus. she smokes. she breaks the rules. she doesn’t always make the perfect move. she makes the human move. i love her so much

10. alberforth >>>>>>>>>> albus

11. god. lily just killed a person. this too is going to haunt her forever

12. 👀 marylily i smell?

13. 😭😭 mary is sprinting in heels

14. god i love that effie is willing to fight everyone for the people (district) she loves

15. CHEERS! barty just shot his father point blank in the chest

16. 😧 i- they just released the disease into the air. i-

17. if ted, tonks, and andy don’t make it out i’m gonna lose my mind

18. 😐 ted’s dead.

[bluecounter]

noah and mirage is making me go crazy.. i have an elaborate fic idea where noah dates mirage’s holoform but didn’t find out till later. im not much of a writer so this is the best i could do

it would be amazing if someone else could rewrite/cleanup this idea because im honestly not doing it justice

————————

Noah is a closeted gay man living in the 90’s and yearns to be with someone romantically. Mirage could tell by the way Noah looks at loving couples in public, especially during their leisure rides. A part of Mirage wishes he could be that for Noah but its hard especially since he is an alien robot much much bigger than Noah. He isn’t too sure how Noah would feel if he knew how he felt.

One day, mirage was looking through some magazine Noah brought and had an idea of creating the ideal holoform that could be with Noah. That could share comfort and love with.

It was all going so well. it started with a little meet cute and it became more, they started dating and sharing secret kisses in public. Mirage thought it was what he wanted. He thought he would be satisfied, but he never felt more lonely. the more time Noah spent with the holoform, the lesser time he did with mirage.

But he pushed through. he knew he couldn’t experience normal human dates with Noah in his alt form, so he took advantage of what he could.

.

He slipped up. He mentioned Peru during one of their human dates in his holoform and a sudden realization just hit Noah. Everything came crashing down. He left, trying to find mirage.

He was questioning everything they had went through together. Was what they had ever real? Was this some joke? Was he fated to never fall in love?

His head was spiraling into confusion and anger and he marched up to Mirage, eyes puffy and red as tears dripped down his cheeks He screamed and cried, begging mirage to explain why he did so. He wanted to know why. he wanted to know if this prank was funny to mirage. He wanted to know if it was all worth it, especially after breaking his heart.

After his rage has calmed, Mirage admits that he created the holoform with be with Noah, but it was not to play with his heart. He wanted to be with Noah, he yearned having Noah by his side and creating a holoform was the closest he could get. he admitted everything and assured Noah that what he said and did through his holoform was 100% genuine.

Noah’s sobs were calmer as he looked at Mirage with his tired eyes. He didn’t know what to say. Deep down he knew he had some feelings for the alien robot but it was already hard to process his feelings as a gay man, so he pushed those feelings away. Being with Mirages’s holoform, which he didn’t know before, made it easier for him to move on because it felt normal. But now knowing it was mirage all along..he felt a little confused.

Noah admits to himself that being with ‘him’ was the best thing that ever happened to his life. He wanted to experience that again. He wanted to love and feel loved, with someone real this time.

Someone who was already right under his nose. or perhaps above his head in this sense.

Meanwhile, Mirage waits for an answer. Despite what Noah will say, Mirage chooses to respect it. He understands and doesn’t want to push any more boundaries. He doesn’t want to lose his friend. his friend which made his life on earth more exciting than it has ever been during his 7 years being stuck on this planet.

Noah finally speaks. He asks mirage to lean closer with his meekly voice, quiet and dry after sobbing his heart out.

Mirage complies and waits for Noah’s rejection. Instead he received a soft peck on his lips, which made his engine fan whir loudly. Noah smiles earnestly as he places his hand on mirage’s cheek.

Noah rested his forehead on mirage’s and they both stayed silent as they embrace each other’s presence.

No words were said but everything felt right when they were together.

[matt-h3w]

Okay but like Billy Hargrove, right.... We all know his dad sucks ass, but like, comforting Billy after his dad beat him..... Breaks me, but like also like the fluff of it is just Eeeeee. Ya know?

_______________________________________________

TW: wounds, abuse mentions, lack of self worth. Slight reference to readers trauma.

G/N reader, sure the man is cannonly straight, but I do it for the girls, the gays, and the theys, and everything in between.

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You enter his room and see him sitting on his bed, head in his hands with cuts and bruises covering his exposed skin you slowly walks over to him, brushing his hair out of his face, speaking softly "hey, what happened to you?" All he could do was look at you, tears starting to form in his eyes. Your lips make contact with his forehead as a form of comfort "it was your dad wasn't it?" You asked, and he nodded the tears spilling out.

His breathes are shaking, as he tries to keep in sobs. No one had ever seen him so vulnerable no one but you. You somehow managed to become something more than just a stranger in a small town. He couldn't manage to figure out just how you slipped between the walls he put up around his heart but there you were, he would never say but he wished your kisses meant more than comforting him. That you holding him was more than pity.

He wished that you loved him more than a friend. You gave him something he thought he could never have, someone to turn to in time of need. Someone to lean on when he felt he couldn't stand. Someone who'll care for him, and love him despite his flaws.

He always told himself he didn't deserve you. He knew he didn't. But yet you were still there by his side holding him close. "Let's get you cleaned up, hmm?" You whisper softly to him, you knew that he had been yelled at earlier and didn't want to make things worse.

_______________________________________________

you came back with a first aid kit and had been disinfecting the cuts, and putting bandaids on them if it was needed, you also took the time to make sure his bone weren't broken. He'd wince every now and again, and everytime you'd apologize. It made his heart swell, but he couldn't help but feel sorry for you, you never once hesitated to come to his aid, no matter how late, or how tired you were. He wondered how many nights you'd stay awake just in case he needed you.

He couldn't bare the thought of you losing sleep because of him, he didn't understand why he fell so easily for you, maybe it was the way you never once treated him any less than a person. Or the sarcastic comments you'd make when he was flirting with you. Or the way you didn't put up with his bullshit twords you, if you didn't like how he treated you, he'd get an earful without hesitation.

There was so much he loved about you, he thought you were undeniably beautiful. Regardless if you thought it yourself.

"Hey, you doing okay?" Your voice broke him out of his thoughts, he looked at you, the concern that filled your gaze made any tensed muscles in his body immediately relax , and his heart melt. His voice came out soft and broken as if he tried to talk to loud he'd cry again. "yeah" and the way you smiled at him, god your smile never failed to make warmth spread through his chest, up his neck, and to his face.

"You know when I heard your voice over the phone.... I wanted to kill him.." You spoke, He had called you, he always did after it got bad, every time his voice would shake and crack, trying not to break right then and there. He felt a sort of guilt run through his veins.

You felt hurt for him, when he didn't want to bare the emotion, you did, when he didn't want to bare the pain, you'd take it, when the weight became too much, you'd lift it off him. He never asked you to, he couldn't ever do that, but you still did, no matter how fucked up things got for you, you never stopped helping him.

That fact alone broke his heart.... You got up and set the first aid kit on his nightstand "do you still have the bag?" You asked gently fixing his hair. He nodded slowly "yeah, I do..." All you did was grab his hands gently, and pull him up, you both knew that he willing let you because if he didn't you wouldn't have been able to move him.

He grab the bag he kept stashed away in his closet, he had it for when he needed to get away, he never stayed away long because of Max. He'd never say it to her face but he really did care about her well-being.

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He found himself in the passenger seat of your car, his bag in the backseat. He would have taken his but the engine would have given him away. He was tapping his fingers on his thighs trying to focus on the road ahead. The car was silent other than the radio playing softly.

He felt your hand slide into his, which made him look at you. With a quick smile, you looked back at the road. He held your hand as if he was scared that when he let go, you'd be gone. You felt the tightness of his grip, it didn't hurt by any means, you felt your heart flutter at the way he clung to you even if it was only holding your hand.

You could never understand why he looked at you the way he did, but you were grateful that he trusted you enough to let you see the side of him that he kept tucked away. That he felt safe enough with you to cry, you knew that it was hard to do that and though seeing him so broken made your heart ache, it also made you so happy to know he'd let himself be vulnerable with you. You finally broke the silence, "you can stay in my room tonight if you want...." You're heart was pounding in your head, you'd be lying to yourself if you said that giving him that option didn't make you nervous. What if it made him uncomfortable.... You felt his grip falter just for a second.

"I'd like that.... If you're sure you're okay with it" his voice was just loud enough to hear. "I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't okay with it" you said, though within a certain perspective some might say that the words that you just spoke were talking down to him. He found them as words of reassurance, telling him you'd never do something that you didn't want to, that caring for him was something you genuinely wanted to do with your time. He found himself falling deeper into love with you with every little moment you shared.

He didn't even realize he was doing it till the back of your hand met his lips. The second he realized what he had done, he glanced over at you, frantically searching for any sigh of discomfort. But all he found was a soft smile displayed upon your lips. He felt your hand flex slightly, giving him a soft squeeze of confirmation that you were okay with his actions.

He pressed his lips further against your skin. Enjoying the smoothness against his mouth. The warmth coming off of you. When he pulled your hand back from his lips, he glanced at you again, though it was dark he could see the rosey color that had adorned your features, the smile that had grown wider, the soft twinkle of appreciation in your eyes as you focused on the road. You had finally reached your driveway, after all you didn't live very far. You didn't let go of his hand until you both got out of the car. He made sure to grab his bag from the backseat before getting out, once the car was locked you slid your hand back in his.

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He had set his bag on the floor of your room, he always love being in it. Surrounded by well.... You... The posters, the comic books, the drawings, the photos, the figurines, the vinyls, the plushies. He even loved the scattered books that you forgot to put away, or the unorganized makeup on the vanity. Even the random trinkets that sat in your windowsill. He has so many memories of late nights he spent with you, even if the reason he was there sucked ass, he loved being with you.

[wildlife4life]

WIP Wednesday

Tagged by @exhuastedpigeon, @jeeyuns, @wikiangela, @ladydorian05, @giddyupbuck, @thewolvesof1998 @hippolotamusand @911onabc You all so lovely and I look forward to all your future works!

Some more angst and the end of the buddie fight from NFL Buck.

Buck’s emotionless façade cracked, revealing just how truly wrecked he was, “Eddie, I love you so much and I am trying to give you leeway with all of this, but you’re allowing your parents… allowing your mother to push me away. You’re not having my back like you promised. And everything with Christopher… You’ve told me over and over that he is mine just as much as he is yours, yet you do this and then call me out over circumstances I have no control over. You’re letting Helena win! And why?! Some long repressed need to have your parents’ approval?! Or maybe it’s some twisted way for earning forgiveness for being gay. I don’t know. But you need to figure it out.” He sucks in a breath, barely holding back a sob, “I don’t know how Helena got my number, but she needs to lose it. You can talk to Christopher first, break the news if your mother hasn’t already. I’ll talk to him later.” Eddie’s own tears began to form, the flames of his rage doused by Buck’s anguish, “Okay.” He agreed, giving up and swallowing down his apology. The fight was over for now. Buck asked for space to lick his would and collect his thoughts, to think about what comes next for them. Eddie needed to back down and do the same.  “Okay.” Buck mirrored in a barely there whisper, not meeting Eddie’s eyes, “Call if there’s an emergency. But beyond that… We’ll see.” Translation: Evan wanted the silent treatment on both ends. DO NOT DISTURB flashed brightly in Eddie’s mind over Buck’s head and all Eddie could do was adhere to it. “Stay safe.” Buck hung up at that and his distressed face was replaced with the iPad’s background of a brightly smiling Christopher smeared in ice cream. A photo taken by Buck, who brought out the smile on his son’s face, bought the ice cream, and spent the entirety of the afternoon playing at a private field, making Christopher feel like a star player. Just like his Buck.

I'm sorry? But not really. If you want to see more NFL Buck just search under the nfl tag on my page.

Tagging: @disasterbuckdiaz, @eddiediaztho, @try-set-me-on-fire, @forthewolves, @jesuisici33, @alyxmastershipper, @spotsandsocks, @spaceprincessem, @loserdiaz, @devirnis, @bvckandeddie, @thekristen999, @rogerzsteven, @buddierights, @watchyourbuck, @diazblunt, @911-on-abc, @monsterrae1, @cowboydiazes, @cowboy-buddie, @cowboy-buck, @buck-coded, @transbuck, @elvensorceress, @starlingbite, @bekkachaos, @housewifebuck, @honestlydarkprincess, @brokenribsdiaz, @bigfootsmom Plus anyone else I forgot to tag and anyone who wants to share! Tag me, I want to see all the snippets!

[mirkwoodshewolf]

No following; Planet of the apes fanfic Chap. 3

*Author's note*

Here we go with yet another chapter update. And here is the introduction to Caroline into the Rodman troop. But we also get introduced to the awful neighbor that is such a Karen to the Rodman family but no worries, he'll get his comeuppance soon enough as we know.

Taglist:

@queen-paladin

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@gay-and-ready-to-cry

@psychosupernatural

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But as we all know with life, there can’t be the good times without the bad.  And things at the Rodman household were slowly turning dark with each passing day.  Grandpa’s mental health was greatly deteriorating to the point where he had more bad days than good.

He hardly calls me by my own name anymore, instead he keeps referring to me by my mom’s name.  There’s also more arguments with Irena either due to property or his health affected his memory of her.

It was now summer vacation but I still had lessons at the Community center with Maestro Pierre (my orchestra teacher’s friend).  I had just came home from a rehearsal when I heard a scuffle happening in grandpa’s room.  Both his voice and Irena’s voices carried over the house and I quickly raced up the stairs but before I could enter inside, uncle Will intercepted me and said.

“Just stay here Lin. I’ll handle this.”

“But uncle Will—”

“No buts, stay put.” He ordered me as he entered inside.  I heard the smashing sound of a lamp and loud thuds as the scuffle finally ended but I was left petrified at the unknown of what happened. “I’m so sorry Irena.” I heard uncle Will say.

“I can’t do this anymore. He belongs in a home this is no way for him to live.” Irena’s panicked and strained tone said as she raced out of the room in tears.  I slowly peeked through the door as I heard grandpa muttering.

“No way to live. No way to live.” My heart sunk as I took notice of the blood on my grandpa’s right hand probably from the broken lamp on the floor.  I raced to the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit before racing back in and started doctoring up grandpa’s injury.  “I’m fine Maria, I’m fine.”

I turned to Uncle Will brokenhearted before going back to grandpa’s injury as he continued to mutter to himself rocking back and forth on his bed.

When nighttime came around, I was in my room curled up on my bed trying to contain my emotions.  Tears were burning behind my eyes lids as I tried to suppress my sobs when I heard a gentle knock at my door.

“Hey kid.” Uncle Will’s voice called out softly.  I wiped my tears and sat up while Uncle Will sat down beside me.

“Are we really gonna put grandpa in a home? You know those people can’t take care of him, I’ve heard all about it from several of my friends of how their grandparents were treated.”

“Hey, hey listen. Your grandpa isn’t going anywhere. This is his home.”

“But what are we gonna do Will? He’s getting worse and worse each day. What if—what if he forgets us entirely? Or if he—”

“Hey, don’t talk like that.”

“I’m scared uncle Will. I don’t wanna lose him like I lost…..” I sniffled as uncle Will brought me into his arms.  Gently shushing me as he rubbed my back.

“Don’t you worry about this stuff, you let me handle it.”

“But I don’t want you to do this alone.”

“You’re still young Lin. You shouldn’t have to worry about stuff like this. All you should be worried about is your next concert performance next month in LA. You let me worry about Charles, okay?” he wiped my tears away as he had me look up at him. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Atta girl.” He kissed my forehead before pressing his forehead to mine.  A common thing we do now, especially ever since having Caesar.  “Now go to sleep.” I softly smirked before getting under the covers and he kissed me goodnight before turning off my light and fell fast asleep.

The next morning I awoke to hear the sound of the piano playing, however this wasn’t like the last few years grandpa tried to play.  This was something I hadn’t heard ever since I was really, really little.  The skill my grandpa had been known for when he was a music teacher.

I quickly got up and headed downstairs and I stood by uncle Will as we both stared at grandpa in awe as he rapidly played the piano like Mozart.  When he came to the end of his playing, I couldn’t help but applaud loudly.  He turned towards us and said.

“I can play again.” I nodded as I let out a few giddy giggles. “Lin quick go get your violin, I wish to do a duet with you.”

“Hold on a second dad, I just wanna see something real quick first. Come with me.” He took grandpa’s hand and led him into the dining room and set him down by the window.  There he began to take his blood pressure, checked his eyes all the while saying.  “I’ll need to keep track what I take from the lab. Although I don’t foresee you needing more than one treatment a month.”

“Something amazing has happened.” Grandpa said in awe.

“Yeah, I’ll need a blood test, and a scan and the dosage. You’ll have to be carefully monitored.”

“Will….”

“Now if I can sneak some….”

“Will! I’m not sick anymore.” Said grandpa with relief.  I don’t know what Will was talking about earlier, all I could think about was just seeing the clearness in grandpa’s eyes.  The eyes that I vaguely remember long before he got sick.  He was back, he was truly back!

“It’s nothing dad.” Said uncle Will with a smile.

“Caesar. Where’s Caesar? I want to see him.”

“I’ll go get him for you.” Uncle Will said before heading upstairs.  Grandpa turned to me and immediately embraced me as he even picked me up and I let out a small shriek of excitement.

“Oh Lin my little songbird.”

“Glad to have you back grandpa.”

“Tell me again, when is your first orchestra performance with the Community center?”

“Next month down at the Zipper concert hall in LA.”

“Well save me an extra spot of roses for your dressing room cause I’ll be there cheering you on.” I smiled and hugged grandpa again.

“That means a lot coming from you grandpa.”

“Guys!” uncle Will called out alarmed.  He soon came racing down the stairs and he said, “Caesar’s not in the house.” My heart sunk as I raced upstairs thinking he could’ve gone under my bed without me noticing.

“Caesar? Caesar? Okay don’t play around here, we’re getting scared.” All through the house I could hear both uncle Will and grandpa calling out for Caesar.  When I came to grandpa’s room and saw the open window I immediately called out, “GUYS!” I heard them racing up the stairs and I pointed towards the window.

We came outside as both uncle Will and I called out Caesar’s name.

“CAESAR!”

“CAESAR WHERE ARE YOU?!”

“Alright he can’t have gotten far.” Grandpa tried to assure us as we all raced down the sidewalk calling out Caesar’s name.  As we came to the Hunsiker’s home, that’s when we heard the sounds of Caesar’s panicked shrieks.  Uncle Will ran as fast as he could with me behind him and to my horror I came to see Mr. Hunsiker wielding a bat trying to beat Caesar who was trying to escape his backyard.

“HEY! HEY! HEY! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! The hell’s the matter with you!?” I came up and Caesar immediately jumped into my arms and I held him protectively as I glared at Mr. Hunsiker.

You know how you always have that one neighbor whose purpose is to piss you off? Well Hunsiker is that neighbor.  He hates all kids except for his own, spoils them rotten.  Just a few months when his boys kept throwing things into our yard while I was trying to practice I yelled at them to stop and soon he comes up screaming in my face telling me to leave his boys alone.

Just because you’re a pilot doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole.

“If I see that animal anywhere near my house or my kids again….” Hunsiker yelled at uncle Will pointing the bat towards Caesar.

“He’s not dangerous.” Grandpa told him.

“The only one whose dangerous is you waving that bat around like a mad man you fucking psycho!” I snapped as I rubbed Caesar’s head.

“Lin! Language! C’mon. It won’t happen again.” he took Caesar from my arms and gestured for me to move as we left the Hunsiker’s yard.

“You’re damn right it won’t!” Hunsiker sneered as he kept his eyes on us.

“He just wanted to play.” Grandpa said one last time before closing their gate and we came into our backyard.

“I told you not to go out without us.” Uncle Will reprimanded Caesar as he sat down on the back deck stairs.  Caesar grunted in pain as he began patting at his right leg.  I leaned down and could see through his fur some redness on his leg.

“How bad is it?” asked grandpa.

“It’s really red guys.” I said concerningly.  Uncle Will sighed as grandpa asked.

“Where should we take him?”

“I doubt the local vet knows how to treat chimpanzees.” I told him.

“I might know somewhere. The San Fransisco zoo, they’ve got vets that specialize in wild animals.”

“Uncle Will, how are you gonna sneak him in without people seeing him?”

“I’ll think of something. We’ll be right back.” Uncle Will stood up and carried Caesar out to the car as Caesar signed out my name.

‘You’ll be fine. I’ll be right here when you come back.’ I signed back.  I felt grandpa’s hand on my shoulder and he told me.

“He’ll be fine Lin.”

“I know. But I still worry over him.”

“Already a big sister to him. Your mother was the same with Will whenever he got hurt. You have her caring nature.” I smiled solemnly.  “Come on, let’s settle down and have some breakfast.” He guided me back into the house and prepared our breakfast.

“Glad I won’t have to be cooking breakfast for a while huh?” I asked as he began cooking the eggs like he was a master chef.

“Just glad to finally be able to provide for you again. Do you remember when you first came to live with me, and I helped you make your first set of pancakes? You ended up with flour all over yourself from your head to your feet.”

“Sorry gramps, I don’t really remember that.”

“No matter, you were a lot younger back then. But I remember it, I remember it quite well. Felt like having my own personal little chef again, like your mom before you. And Lin,” he turned to face me.  “If you ever do wish to hear more stories about your mom, you know you can talk to me, right?”

“Yeah grandpa, I know. Thank you.” He nodded before going back to prepping the breakfast.  About an hour or so later, Caesar and Uncle Will came back and Caesar immediately raced up to me and I held him in my lap.  “How was he?”

“Needed a couple of stitches. She told us we wouldn’t need to come back since their dissolvable. But to keep an eye out for redness, fever, that kind of thing.” That’s when Caesar let out a few grunts and signed to me with a wide smile.

‘Asked pretty vet for dinner.’ I smirked as Uncle Will shushed and said.

“Don’t tell her any of that Caesar.” Caesar hooted as he came around and placed himself on my back, his arms draped over my neck.  I stood up, holding his legs, being careful around his stitched leg and hoisted him up to adjust his position.

“Boy Caesar before long you’ll get too heavy for this.” I then took him upstairs so that we could watch some tv together.

Later that night I noticed Uncle Will getting all dressed up in his finest that wasn’t work related.  I leaned against the bathroom doorframe and said with a knowing smirk.

“What’s her name?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know Caesar never lies, and you hardly ever go out on dates. So c’mon tell me, what’s her name?” Uncle Will sighed as he paused getting his cufflinks on.

“Her name’s Caroline. She was the vet who stitched up Caesar’s leg. It was all his idea, not mine.”

“Is she cute?” I asked.

“She uhh—” he chuckled nervously.  “I’d say she’s more than cute.”

“You gonna introduce us to her?”

“What’s with the third degree huh?”

“It’s not third degree, I’m just wondering if you’re gonna keep her around or not.” I walked up and hopped onto the bathroom sink.  I placed my hands on his shoulders and said as I looked him in the eye, “You deserve happiness too Uncle Will. Lately you’ve been burying yourself into your work, taking care of not only Caesar but gramps and me. You never do anything for yourself anymore, I want you to have that again.”

“Oh Lin,” he cupped the side of my face.

“If the date works out, promise you’ll call her back. Don’t be like most guys who always say, ‘yeah I’ll call you later’ but then you never do.”

“If it all goes well I promise to call her back. Third date at least, I’ll even bring her around and introduce you and Charles to her.”

“You better.” I looked him over and took off the bowtie.  “Lose the tie, you look better without one.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. And try not to put on too much cologne. What you have on now is enough.”

“Okay Miss ‘date expert’ anything else I should do or change?” he asked incredulously but also in a laughing manner.

“Yeah, make sure to take a breath mint or two cause you’re breath reeks!”

“You little—” he picked me up and took me off the sink before head locking me and gave me a hard noogie which made me shriek and struggle before I finally got out of his grip.  “Now run along, I’m picking her up at 8 and I don’t wanna be late.”

“You could not, would not want to wait.” I couldn’t help but tease a rhyme back to him.  He gave me a teasing crossed look before resuming his date preparations.  Once he was done, he ruffled my head and said.

“Stay out of trouble, don’t let Caesar watch too much tv and don’t stay up too late. Just because it’s summer vacation for you doesn’t mean you can stay up all night.”

“I know, plus I’ve got rehearsal tomorrow anyways. We’ll probably watch one more movie and then I’ll head to bed. Have fun on your date, but not too much fun. I don’t want to have a little cousin just yet.” Uncle Will gawked at me as I laughed and raced back upstairs.  As I came back into my room, Caesar turned to me and signed.

‘Has he left yet?’

“Just about. Don’t worry as soon as he’s gone I’ll play the movie. But we gotta keep it low, don’t wanna wake up grandpa.” Caesar and I sat by the window and watched as Will left the house and headed for his car.

The headlight came on and we could faintly hear the engine coming to life from his station wagon.  Soon he eventually drove off and I told him.

���Now we can watch it.” He leapt over and quietly shut my door before turning off the lights and I turned on my tv and got the movie set up.  Soon the main menu for Jurassic Park came on and I said, “You sure you wanna do this? It can get quite scary at times.”

‘Caesar can handle dino movie.’ I raised my brow at him.

“Okay, but if you get nightmares, I’m telling uncle Will this was your idea.” We cuddled up in my bed and I pressed play and soon the movie began.

About two weeks passed and as promised after their third date, Will actually brought Caroline into the house to meet both me and grandpa.  We heard the door open and immediately Caesar raced down the stairs and I heard him hooting and panting excitedly.

“Hey pal, glad to see you too.” As I came down the stairs I then saw as Caesar raised his hand to Caroline hooting softly.

“Nice to see you too Caesar.” I titled my head at the interaction.  Even though Will said she was a nurse for the local zoo, sometimes you hear those stories about people who just don’t really have the animals best interest at heart.  But Caesar did seem to like her, and you can always trust an animal’s instinct over a person’s opinion.

“Guess Will wasn’t lying when he said Caesar liked you.” I fully came down the stairs and Will introduced us.

“Caroline, I’d like you to meet my niece, Lin. Lin, this is Caroline.” I walked up and extended my hand and she shook my hand telling me.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you Lin. Will talks about you all the time.”

“Really well now you get the face to match the name.”

“You know, when Will told me he had a niece I half expected to meet a little girl but you are so grown up.”

“So do you help all the animals at the zoo or just the primates?”

“If I’m asked to tend other animals, I do. But mostly I keep to the primate exhibits. I’ve always been fascinated by the great apes, but chimpanzees I’ve especially loved. And Caesar is something truly remarkable.”

“That he is, that he is.” I said as Caesar came up to me and took my hand swinging it back and forth cooing softly.

“Okay well why don’t we move this conversation elsewhere and I can also give you the grand tour of my humble abode. Maybe we’ll even find my dad so you can meet him.” Said Uncle Will.

“Last I saw him, he was in the study reading Julius Caesar.” I told him and he nodded before escorting Caroline further into the house.  Caesar hooted as he pulled on my pant leg and he signed concerningly.

‘You no like Caroline?’

‘Just trying to get a feel of her. Make sure she’s good for uncle Will.’ I led Caesar towards the kitchen where he got up onto the table and leapt onto the pot rack and swung up to get him and myself cookies from the cookie jar at the very top of the shelf.  Once he got the two cookies, he placed the lid back on the jar before hopping back down and handed me my cookie.

I ruffled his head and we soon heard grandpa, Will and Caroline coming into the kitchen.

“So after 35 years of teaching I had to retire but I was granted one of the best awards by my school. They treated me like a soldier going off to war.” Grandpa told Caroline of his days as a music teacher at his old school.

“And never was there anyone like you since. One of the people who plays the cello at the community center in my group told me that their current music teacher sucks.” I told him.

“Lin.” Uncle Will reprimanded me.

“Oh come on, sucks is not a bad word old timer.” I teased as I took a bite of my cookie.

“You play at the community center?” asked Caroline.

“Yep. Soprano violin.”

“One of the best violinist I’ve ever heard.” Grandpa praised.

“Grandpa, I’m the only violinist you’ve ever heard.”

“Not true. I’ve heard several violinists back during my schooling years, but none could compare to you my songbird.” I playfully rolled my eyes before joining them at the table.

“In fact, she’s got a performance happening in a few weeks. You should come see her play if you don’t believe us.” Will suggested.

“I think that’s be up to Lin, Will. I wouldn’t want to impose.” Caroline said.

“I don’t mind. If you don’t mind sitting for two hours for a jazz concert.”

“Then it’s a good thing I happen to love jazz music.” She said.

“It’s pretty cool. Hard to play at times especially if we do swing jazz. But nothing compares to when we get to do program music.”

“Program music?”

“It’s the technical term for film scores.”

“Ahh.”

“Yeah, that’s what she wants to be when she grows up. A film composer.” Said uncle Will.

“I see nothing wrong with that.”

“Thank you! Uncle Will thinks it won’t pay the bills in the future that I should have something to fall back on.”

“You smashing your niece’s dreams?” Caroline asked accusingly.

“No, no, no! All I meant was that while doing that, she should have a backup plan to fall on. The world’s always in a competition over something.”

“While that is true, there’s nothing wrong with chasing after that dream. And I see before me a young woman whose going to chase that dream no matter what.” Caroline said firmly as she looked at me and gave me an encouraging wink.  “We ladies got to stick up for one another, right?”

“We sure do.” The rest of the night was spent having conversations between the five of us until Caroline had to leave.

My final verdict after that night, I believe we had just found a new member to join the Rodman troop.

Months passed and it was getting towards the end of summer and close to the start of not only the school season, but also the autumn.  Caroline and Will were still going strong and whenever she had a free day off work, she’d come by the house to visit us.

Like I said, she truly started to become a member of the family.  Caesar adored her so much, grandpa liked having her around, and I did too.  She really became the female voice I could go to for advice if I didn’t feel like going to either Will or grandpa with something.  And being a teenage girl, I was really going to need that more than ever.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning when Caroline had came for her daily visits on her flex days.  It was also the first time Caesar had wanted her to see his room so we all spent the morning up there.  We all watched in awe as well as amusement as Caesar acrobatically climbed over the railings before going over to his monkey bars.

“Hey Caesar, come on.” Uncle Will said. 

“Good to see you again, Caroline.” Grandpa said. “You coming Caesar?” as grandpa left the attic, Caesar continued to play along the rooftop as Caroline asked.

“So what’s your secret?”

“I can’t take any credit. It’s in his genes.” Uncle Will said humbly.

“I think you’re being very modest. He’s pretty amazing. I think you’ve built a pretty good home for Caesar here.” I shook my head playfully as he was now walking along the railings like a balance beam before he hung upside down by his legs chattering happily.

“But?” uncle Will said as he sat down on Caesar’s bed.  Caesar hopped down and came over to him then Caroline said as she sat down beside uncle Will.

“He won’t stay this way for long. He’s gonna soon grow into a large, powerful animal.” Caesar, completely oblivious to their conversation, continued to chatter happily as he looked between both Will and Caroline.  She told him to hop up onto the bed, which he did as he chattered away.

Now this I knew was going to happen.  After all Caesar isn’t a dog or a cat, he’s a wild animal and wild animals shouldn’t normally be kept as pets.  And I’ve heard the horror stories of pet chimps suddenly turning on their owners and ripping them apart to the point of unrecognition.  But Caesar isn’t like other chimps, he’s way to intelligent to suddenly go primal like that.

“How’s he been doing?”

“Okay, I think.”

“I love chimpanzees, I’m also afraid of them. And it’s appropriate to be afraid of them.” Caesar broke the tension by going up to Will and began playfully shaking him.  We all laughed as uncle Will said.

“Caesar would never hurt anybody. Hey! Hey! He’s happy here, come on.” Caesar began to playfully wrestle with uncle Will before he rolled himself off the bed and I came over to him as we now began to wrestle with each other.

“He’s way to intelligent for that brutish behavior.” I said as I playfully pinned him down before he squirmed his way out of my grip and tackled me to the ground.  He then came close to my face and just when I thought he’d give me a kiss, it was actually a raspberry to my cheek and I exclaimed in playful disgust as Caesar grunted out a laughter.

“Yeah I can see that.” Caesar then leapt towards his window to look outside and beat on the window excitedly.  “Can we at least give him some open space?”

“That’s what I’ve been telling him for over a year now Caroline.” I said as I came up and rested my arms over Caesar’s bed wiped his spit off my cheek.

“Yeah that probably would be a good idea. I know a place right across the bridge. The redwoods. It’s paradise.”

“Wow, I hadn’t been there since I was a kid with grandpa.”

“We’ll have to go early, before it gets too packed. That means you’ll need to get up early tomorrow Lin.”

“For this guy, I’d get up at the butt crack of dawn.” I said going over to Caesar.  “You here that brother ape? You’re finally gonna go see some real trees. The redwoods, your own personal jungle away from home.” Caesar grunted excitedly as he looked between me and beating against the window.

The next morning as promised, we all packed up the station wagon and drove over the Golden gate bridge and towards Muir Woods, aka the redwoods.  Caesar sat in the back looking out of the car in wonder and awe.

All the times he did ride in the car, all he ever saw were the tall buildings and city lights.  But now for the first time he’s getting to see nothing but trees as far as the eye could see.  I sat in the back with grandpa but turned towards Caesar as he signed out.

‘Big trees.’

“Yeah pal, as tall as some of the buildings back home aren’t they?” he nodded.  After about 10-15 more minutes of driving we soon reached the entry way into Muir Woods.  The car turned off and Will rolled down the back window so that Caesar could peek out of the car.  We all soon got out of the car and Will came around with a leash and attached it to the collar he had put on for Caesar.

“Come on, come on.” Uncle Will said as he opened the back door and Caroline came and rubbed the back of his head.

“He doesn’t need a leash, he’ll be fine.” Grandpa said.

“Just to be safe, come on.” Uncle Will stated.  I rolled my eyes but didn’t say anything.  But I couldn’t help but smile at Caesar’s excitement as he bounced around and walked between all of us.

“Come on Caesar.” Grandpa called out.  We passed under the sign and Caesar continued to look around in awe.  “This is the redwoods.” Grandpa pointed out to Caesar and we continued to walk along the trail until we got towards the bridge that stood over the creek and eventually led into the depths of the woods.

Grandpa and I were already a quarter of the way across the bridge when Will called out to Caesar telling him.

“Alright. If I take this off, you cannot leave my sight. I would never find you again. Okay?” uncle Will slowly took the leash off of Caesar but he didn’t immediately go running off, in fact his excitement dwindled and he did something that we had never seen him do before.

He bowed his head and slowly extended his right hand out, palm facing upward.

“What’s this?” grandpa asked as we came back over to him.

“He’s never done that before.” I pointed out.

“What’s he doing?” he asked Caroline who didn’t seem confused but surprised.

“I don’t believe that.” Caesar briefly looked up before gesturing to his palm again.

“What?” asked uncle Will.

“He’s asking your permission. It’s a supplicating gesture.” Caroline then took Will’s hand and had him gently run his fingers across Caesar’s palm softly saying, “It’s okay.” Will gave him a nod and I told Caesar.

“Go on brother ape, off you go!” Caesar chattered excitedly before bounding across the bridge, hopping over the railing and running through the trees at the side of the bridge.  We saw the rustling of the shrubs and his excited shrieks echoed through the woods.

“Look at him go!” grandpa called out as the four of us ran across the bridge to follow him.

We entered deep into the forests where the only trail you had was the natural one before you.  All of them leading you in different ways and directions, and the encompassing trees almost makes you feel claustrophobic to some who don’t know these woods.

Both uncle Will and grandpa were calling out for Caesar, uncle Will more frantic as we couldn’t find Caesar anywhere.  But if I knew him, I knew he wouldn’t just run off.  This is all still new to him, he probably ran off before stopping somewhere to admire the view of these trees.  After all, throughout the entire car ride here he couldn’t stop signing about the trees.

As Caroline, uncle Will and I came to a clearing where the tallest trees stood in a circle, there at the center of the clearing stood Caesar.

“I knew it.” I muttered with a soft. comforting smile.  Caesar was absolutely mesmerized by the size of these trees and couldn’t wait to climb them but he wanted to wait for us to see him do it.

“Caesar!” grandpa called out as he came and joined us.  Caesar turned toward us and he encouraged him, “Go on Caesar, climb!” at that statement, Caesar ran towards the first tree he saw and immediately began climbing up it.

“Go higher!” cried uncle Will.  We all watched with pride as Caesar’s natural climbing abilities took over as he scaled higher and higher into the skyline of the forest.  Grandpa let out one more encouraged ‘climb’ towards Caesar as he was now no more than a speck up in the trees. “Be careful! Caesar be careful!” Uncle Will advised.

“He’ll be fine, you worry too much uncle Will.” I said as we heard Caesar’s shrieks echoing through the woods one last time but it wasn’t out of fear, but pride.

Any chance we could, we’d always bring him out to the redwoods so he could get more practice in climbing.  No matter what the weather was, we’d bring him out here.  Caesar proved to be a natural climber, and every day he’d go higher and higher until he’d eventually climb all the way to the top of the trees, tall enough to probably see the entire skyline of San Francisco.

[c4fin4t3d-f1sh]

Limelight Basics

It's finally finished! I would love to see if anyone makes art of it or wants to make our bots friends- Idk, I want to be more prominent in this community, PLEASE... I promise I will draw more,,,

ANYWAYS, HERE, TAKE IT.

LIMELIGHT

Pronouns: He/It/She

Gender: Aboy

Height: 5��� 8”

Body type: Slim, muscular

Job: Dancer/Performer

Where were they born? Performance Robotics, 1892

What were their childhood experiences like? Pressured, made to be perfect, secretive, was constantly being “repaired” which caused it to malfunction more often

What significant events have shaped their life? Performing in 1915 in a collaboration with Walter Robotics at Balboa Park, traveling the carnival with mostly humans, being put in the spotlight an overwhelming amount as he was the first carnival bot, being scolded after failing to do tasks

What does your character want? To spread joy through dance and lead a more lowkey life after over a century of performing

Strengths (Physical, mental, emotional) Dancing, mobility, comfort, staying calm, grace

Weaknesses (Physical, mental, emotional) Physical malfunctions that cause him to tic, can’t handle criticism, gets angered easily, sensory sensitive

Are they introverted or extroverted? Ambivert

Shy or outgoing? Kind or selfish? Outgoing, king

Create a list of traits that describe their character. Kind, creative, silly, persistent, loyal (specifically after WR bought her), flexible

Do they have a specific way of speaking, It speaks normally, a little quiet

A unique fashion style, 20th Century carnival

Or an unusual hobby? Laying on cold floors

What are their relationships like with family, Very strong now that he doesn’t live primarily with humans

Friends, Loyal and kind, he likes messing with people/bots, but is quick to apologize if he hurts them

And enemies? Forgiving through time, mostly spiteful and angry, though

What inner struggles does your character face? The fear he will never be good enough, fear of abandonment, grudges against Performance

How are they around new people?

Hesitant, but tries to be nice and make a good impression

Do they speak in an accent?

American

Have they tried learning a new language?

Never had the time to, might eventually? Probably Russian or Dutch

How many languages do they know?

One, English

What is a song that will always make them cry?

Average - Sushi Soucy, I Bet On Losing Dogs - Mitski

How do they cry? heaving? silently? sobbing?

Silently when angry but heaving and loudly when sad or overwhelmed

What is the first thing they notice about a stranger?

Posture and stance, it likes to mimic confidence

What is their humor like?

She would try to match other’s humor, but it’s usually dry and out of pocket

Who would they quote?

He likes to quote his family, especially The Spine as it is very attached to him as it has experienced similar things as him

What could make them change their mind?

Guilt tripping

Who is the first person they'd call?

The Spine (for reasons above) or maybe Whirligig? (Still trying to decide if Whirli and Lime would date)

How are they around animals?

It LOVES animals! Begged Peter VI to get a dog and grew up with a border collie that worked with Lime at the carnival

What is something they've never told anyone?

His memories of being disassembled (Performance didn’t know she could see it happening)

What are habits they've picked up from other people?

He mimics stances and also quotes shows he likes (∞ autism)

What are their guilty pleasures?

Extremely vulgar and loud music

What is something they're staunchly against?

Victim blaming, gaslighting, animal abuse, discrimination, etc.

Do they speak a certain way?

It expresses some signs of vocal tics, like mimicking ambulances (“weewoo!”) and sometimes small things he’s picked up from shows or games (games with Spine and some of his fanbot friends, has specifically picked up the Talking Ben “no” noise)

Can they fall in love?

Uhhhhmm, maybe Whirli, gay robots kissing yay

What would they rather die than do?

Go back to Performance Robotics

What is their biggest mistake?

Traveling the carnival

CABINET FILING FACTS

Found his abandon prototype in the basement one time after hearing metallic clicking, was so disgusted by the sight he didn’t come up for 3 days

Yeah, uhm, I’ll develop this lore more eventually with the whole Performance shit and stuff eventually.

[odetodilfs]

can i request a joel miller x male reader where reader had a bad day or had a nightmare ab him dying or getting infected and joel comforts the reader? you can change it up a bit but yeah

-anon🪼:)

Holding you

Hey anon!! I'm so sorry for taking this long but here it is!! Short but sweet hehe...

Pairing: Joel Miller x male!reader

Warnings: Ellie calling you out for being too goddamn gay, but that's it, established relationship, reader referred to as boyfriend.

You looked in horror at the bite on your arm, you screamed and shouted for Joel, “Joel- they- it- it bit me-” you sobbed, Joel was panting as he held your hand, knowing he’d lose you, “My love…” he caressed your face, “GO!! NOW!!” you said as you felt the impulse to kill him start to appear, he left… you stayed there crying…

“Baby? Love? What’s wrong?” Joel’s sleepy voice woke you up as there was a hand in your hair, “Oh- Joel” you leaned in and hugged him like crazy, like he was gonna disappear, “Nightmare?” he asked you, holding your body in his arms, you nodded “Come here my baby…” he kissed your cheek gently, “my beautiful boyfriend” he smiled at you, you smiled back, you leaned into his arms as he kissed your hair. The door to your room opened as Ellie walked in. “I heard screaming” she said, “Nothing, kid, go back to sleep” Joel ordered, “he just had a nightmare” he explained to her,

“Oh, well, stop acting so goddamn gay” she complained, both you and Joel realizing you were still holding in each other, but just to annoy Ellie you gave Joel a peck on the lips, she jokingly made a face of disgust and went back to her room. You and Joel laughed and he looked at your eyes.

“What is it Joel?” you asked, intrigued to see why he was looking at you with a smile,

“Why are you so beautiful?” he asked out of the blue, “I don’t know, but you’re extremely beautiful too” 

“I don’t deserve you” he held you in his arms, “You do, Joel, you really do, we’re made for each other” you stroked his hand “now let’s go back to sleep” you kissed his cheek, soon, both of you were sleeping, this time with no nightmares.

[hawkinsbnbg]

Steve's first thought when he discovered bisexuality wasn't "Oh, so there's a name for me, I'm not alone", it was "What a relief that I can still like girls" instead.

Don't get him wrong, he wasn't against being gay, it was just that girls were always an easier option for him.

He didn't need to pretend because he did like girls, like how soft and nice-smelling they were, like how they nestled in his arms and let him protect them.

But he also liked how tough and masculine-smelling boys were, like how they roughhoused and overpowered him whenever they wanted to.

He liked both and somehow, he was afraid ashamed to admit so.

Thus, while he would go out with girls and hook up with them, he would jerk off to photos of naked men on his phone when he was alone and fantasized about being pinned beneath them.

And yet, those masturbations remained as his guilty pleasure. A scandalous thing that was never allowed to see the sunlight.

Steve knew nothing was wrong with him liking boys, the world had started becoming kinder and more accepting.

But it was also difficult letting himself become the one thing that he had been taught was bad growing up.

His worldview didn't quite shatter when he first had a wet dream about one of the boys in his class, but it was a close thing.

It had made Steve dizzy and nauseous, causing him to almost have a panic attack when he thought it was over for him.

That was why he had spent his high school years sleeping around, hoping to cure himself.

It was until he met Robin that his eyes were opened.

Learning about bisexuality had finally set his mind at peace and he could never thank his best friend enough for saving him from his inner turmoil.

Still, Steve always had this secret fear that no one knew about, even Robin. But he had a suspicion that she already did and was just waiting for him to confide in her.

Thing was, Steve always wondered what he would do if the love of his life was a 'he' and not a 'she'.

Would he be brave enough to love 'him'? Or would he continue denying his feelings and stay single and unhappy for the rest of his life?

As Steve was still struggling with those questions, Eddie Munson had swept into his life like a storm.

The man took nobody's shit and was unapologetic when he told people his opinions.

He was weird and funny but also kind and a romantic at heart.

He always listened to Steve, took Steve seriously, and offered Steve comfort.

He made Steve laugh, made Steve forget all about the bad things, and made Steve float with happiness.

He was everything Steve could ever ask for in a partner.

Except, Eddie Munson was a 'he'.

And never once in his life Steve had wished to be a girl so bad.

Because if he was a girl, he could be together with Eddie without fearing his parents' disappointment or the pity and disdain people would throw his way once they knew he wasn't straight.

Nonetheless, all of that couldn't compare to his fear of losing Eddie.

Every day, the fear got worse until Steve just broke down and started bawling his eyes out in his bathroom at three in the morning because he missed Eddie so much.

After crying his heart out, he decided to just up and go to Eddie.

The older man had taken one look at him before carefully pulling him inside his apartment and wrapping him in his steady arms.

"Eddie," he sobbed, unable to keep his emotions at bay.

"I'm here, sweetheart," Eddie combed his hair gently and swayed them both slowly. "I'm here."

Everything kind of went hazy after that for Steve and when he woke up again, he found himself being tucked safely in Eddie's chest.

Somehow, the easy intimacy between them just broke something inside Steve.

He didn't know he was crying again until he heard Eddie's worried voice above him.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt somewhere, Steve?" Eddie had pulled back to get a better look at him.

"Nothing, I... I'm just scared," Steve sniffled.

"Oh," Eddie's face softened and the man started stroking his back soothingly. "What are you scared of, Stevie?"

"You," Steve admitted.

"Me?" Hurt flashed across Eddie's eyes.

"Yeah," Steve closed his eyes and dug the heel of his palm into his eyelid as he choked out. "I'm scared that I love you," his lips wobbled again, "So much, too much."

A tense silence blanketed them and Steve kept breathing shakily. He didn't dare to open his eyes not even when Eddie shifted and cradled his face softly.

"Me too," Eddie whispered. "I'm scared too."

That made Steve's eyes fly open in surprise, "Was that why you never said anything?"

"Yes and no," Eddie smiled sadly at him. "I'm always scared but never was I more scared of anything than losing you, sweetheart. I never said anything because I was afraid that I'd ruin our friendship with my stupid feelings."

"What should I do?" Steve leaned into the older man's touch and watched those dark eyes reflect his image. They were shining with many unsaid things and he wished he could keep them all to himself.

"I can't say anything for you, darlin'," Eddie caressed his cheek tenderly. "But we can be scared together if you accept me. Accept us."

Steve parted his lips to say it, but all the words just stuck in his throat and choked him with their thorns.

Eddie seemed to understand him nonetheless because the older man just gave him another sad smile before leaning closer until their lips met in a soft kiss.

"I love you," Steve murmured when they finally parted, his pointer finger tracing the line on Eddie's jaw.

"Love you too, my sweet boy," Eddie kissed his forehead and held him close again.

After that night, they had been inseparable. Despite their relationship staying secret, they had announced it to their close friends and Eddie's uncle.

Though the fear was still there and Steve might never be ready to accept himself, he felt better with Eddie by his side, always understanding and loving him unconditionally.

And Steve just knew he would be alright. They would be alright.

[bee-birb]

compiled my thoughts whilst watching sonic prime s3, shes a doozy

WATCHING IT

he ate shit again :3

AHHHH THEY HELD HANDS (for half a second to propel forward) BUT STILL

shadow COUGHING??? he can get HURT??? nah he just fell

HE ATE SHIT AGAIN I LOVE THIS SONIC

🎶there goes hawaii, there-ere goes hawaii🎵 🎵there goes hawaii, the island is gone🎶

THE FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHY IS GORGEOUS

THE LITTLE DETAILS AHHHH LIKE TEHIR EYES MOVING AND EARS AND SHADOWS CHEST FUR MOVES WHEN HE BREATHES AHHHH SO GOOD

BIRDIE GO BRRRR

times sonic has eaten shit this season: 4

nine: “i hate chili dogs!” sonic: dramatic and wounded gasp

I need to get this off my chest why does sonic slap his ass as a taunt ive seen it in prime and ive seen in in x, this is a recurring theme and i am wtfing at it, why does sonic have a thing for smackin his ass as a taunt? idk but its fuckin hilarious, your ass is not that juicy it is not tempting, save the ass slapping for the bedroom you blue gumball son of a bitch, Sonic you have flat ass syndrome stop

DYING ONE OF THE BIGS JUST GOT SPINDASHED AND LOST HIS MEMORY AND STARTED TALKING BRITISH THIS WAS NEVER RESOLVED WHAT THE FUCK, DAMNIT NOW I HAVE TO HATE PIRATE BIG CUZ HES FUCKIN BRITISH

GIANT BIG HAHAHAHAHA GIANT BIG ROBOT SOBS HES JUST A GUY HE DOESNT DESERVE TO BE MADE A ROBOT DOUBLE WHO SHITS FROGGIE NUKES

where the FUCK is sonics boyfriend you cant hide in the crater the entire climax battle dumbass getchyo gay striped glutes out here and save you bf

bro got hit with a bomb and SURVIVED

SCREAMS AT THE GAY IDIOTS IN THE CREVICE DOING GAY SHIT LIKE SMASHING EACH OTHER GAYYYY

LMAO SHADOW ACTUALLY SMILED, granted, he was talking about “smashing hordes of sonics” (probably about destroying them but it was offcamera so we’ll never know) IT WAS SO CUTE

i also need 4 rocks, 80 ft of vine, and a time machine

times sonic has eaten shit this season: 6

the gang is not impressed by sonics bf

there goes hawaii, there-there goes hawaii, there goes hawaii, the island is gone pt 2

gonna draw this stupidhead 🫶

THE LIL NODS I AM SCREAMING

me when 6 identical copies of me attack my boyfriend (its kinda hot)

"AAAAAHHAAAHHAAAA! aaaahhhaaaahhh! splat."

YUHHH STEP ON YOUR BOYFRIEND AGAIN thats like what the 4th time???

renegade knux makes the best faces ngl like his expressions are top tier

shadow has not been onscreen in 10 minutes give me more of the edgy swifty, THE KING HAS RETURNED

SHADOW NODDING WHEN SONIC SACRIFICES HIMSELF HE KNOWS AHHHHH THE FUCKING NODS I AM SCREAMING THEY ARE COMMUNICATING WITHOUT WORDS LOSING MY MARBLES GOING KOOKY SCREAMING

OMGOMGOMG WHEN SONIC IS SAYING HOW HES GONNA SACRIFICE HIMSELF AND HE SAYS "If I do this" AND SHADOWS FISTS TIGHTEN HE CARES IM NOT CRAZY BUT IM SURE NOT NORMAL

CRYING he still has a smile as hes going to fucking DIE AHHHHH SCREAMING

ahhh the gateways are the shape of the shards

HE FUCKING SMILES AS HES ABOUT TO GET THE LIFE SUCKED OUT OF HIM HIS LITERAL GLUE HOLDING HIS ATOMS TOGETHER WILL BE SLURPED LIKE SPAGHETTI THROUGH A STRAW AND THIS INSUFFERABLE SELF SACRIFICING IDIOT IS SMILING IM GOING TO COMMIT SEVERAL WAR CRIMES

HIS FISTS TIGHTEN AGAIN WHEN THE MACHINE TURNS ON IM LOSING MY GRIP ON REALITY

AHHHHHHHHH THE FUCKING DROOP THE REACH SCREAMS IN AGONY THE HOPE IN HIS EYES AND HOW HE REACHES UP TO HELP- HE DROPS IT HIS EARS DROOP HES SAD AND LOSES LIGHT AND HIS EYES OH HIS EYES SPEAK MULTITUDES

old man soccer

HE STAYS BEHIND WHILE THE RESISTANCE FIGHTS THE CC SO HE CAN MAKE SURE SONIC DOESNT EAT SHIT WHILE HES BREAKING APART AT THE SEAMS

gay ass hand on hip side lean, fucking queer

OMGGGGG RUSTY KEPT THE GRIM ROSE HAMMER CACKLES SHE WILL BECOME AN EVEN BETTER WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION

HIS FISTSSSSS THEY CLENCH WHEN SONIC IS LIKE DYING ON THE SHIPPPP

hA the sisters rose are FAILING now his bf gets to save his blue gumball ass

HE LOOKS SO SAD WHEN SONIC FAINTS GEDGIYFVJITWSGHIFE

BRO IS FUCKING TRANSPARENT SIR WHO GAVE YOU THE PERMISSION TO BE SO LOW OPACITY YOUR ATOMS ARE SLINGING AWAY FROM YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS FASTER THAN IF YOU WERE RADON YOU SELF DESTRUCTIVE IMBECILE

THE FUCKING NODS I CANTTTTTT

SONIC SMILES HES SO HAPPY TO SEE SHADS ON THE PRISM

lol rock gone get rekt eggbreath

HE DOES LITTKE EAR WIGGLES AHHH SO CUTE

you have 13 seconds before the island fucking explodes you hot topic wannabe and you blue gumball son of a bitch. you have done nothing but destroy my life, i hope you both die.

SCREAMS IT IS BEAUTIFUL EXCELLENT ENDING 10/10 WHERE THE FUCK DID SHADOW GO WITH THE THING IDC ITS BEAUTIFUL CRYING WHERES MY FANFIC

[pluckysidekick]

It’s Wednesday, my fellow Drewds! Going into the holidays I can’t help thinking about how our favorite Crew are celebrating the holidays. Can’t wait for all of the @secretsleuthexchange fics, gifsets, and fanvids we’re going to get!

In the meantime, I was inspired by a poll from @burningblake about which classic “standard” song best represents Nace (all excellent choices). I wound up making a Season 4 playlist of standards from the Great American Songbook, and a few other classic tracks, that represent their Season 4 journey for me. If you’re interested in this sort of thing, here we go!

I’ll be linking the Spotify tracks, but you should be able to find them all on Apple Music or YouTube. If you want a link to the full playlist, just hit me up here or on Discord.

1. The Nearness of You - This Hoagy Carmichael classic brings to mind Nancy and Ace’s inability to stay apart every time they’re near each other in Episode 401 🥺. I love the Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong duet, but I picked Norah Jones’ version from her 2002 debut album because it’s just so perfectly wistful.

2. Is You Is or Is You Ain’t My Baby - this so so cool track was written by Louis Jordan, but I first heard it on Tom and Jerry (that’s the fighting cat and mouse cartoon in case you’re too young to remember them). I immediately envision the back and forth argument Nancy and Ace have throughout Episode 402 in the lyrics of this song. Ace just wants to know! I adore Joe Jackson’s version, but I went with Dinah Washington and Quincy Jones from 1956 because it is absolutely perfect.

3. Night and Day - I like to imagine that Nancy and Ace stayed up all night talking at the end of 402. This song perfectly embodies their relationship at this stage 🥹. It was written by Cole Porter for Fred Astaire to sing in the original ‘The Gay Divorce’ Broadway musical (catch the film, a classic Fred and Ginger madcap musical romcom with such amazing dancing🕺🏼). But I had to go with Frank Sinatra from 1957’s ‘A Swingin Affair’ because it’s such a classic swing tune.

4. April in Paris - I’m not crying, you’re crying. Warning, there’s going to be a lot of crying in this playlist. Nancy telling Ace the story of her parents’ honeymoon in Paris in Episode 403, that shy smile when she tells him she always wanted to recreate it with someone, GAH. I had to pick the wonderful Sarah Vaughan with Clifford Brown on trumpet, simply exquisite. I’m going to have to take a break to sob quietly in the corner. “What have you done to my heart” indeed.

5. Fever - There was only one song, and only one version of this song, that matches the heat Nancy and Ace generated in the infamous Sigil scene. Peggy Lee burned the house down in 1958 with this track. “What a lovely way to burn” - Nancy can relate.

6. So in Love - Another genius Cole Porter song, written originally for Kiss Me Kate, but sung here by the incomparable Ella Fitzgerald (my personal hero). I had to pick it for THE KISS. They are just so in love 😭. A beautiful song and a beautiful rendition worthy of Nancy and Ace’s love. The fact that Kiss Me Kate is a musical about bickering exes who eventually find love again makes it even more perfect.

7. Crying - Roy Orbison, 1962. Need I say more? I may never recover from the final scene of 403. This song at least helps a little with the pain by naming it. Roy hits some insane notes in this song—the intensity matches both Nancy and Ace’s misery in that moment.

8. Good Morning, Heartache - More like Good Morning, Sorbet. In Episode 404, Nancy drowns her sorrows in her favorite frozen dessert to deal with the heartache of gaining and losing Ace. And no one does heartache like Billie Holiday, who recorded this song in 1946. Heartache haunts Nancy all throughout S4, and this track represents it perfectly.

9. I had two contenders for the Nace scenes in Episode 405, both from the early 60’s. I Fall to Pieces, released by Patsy Cline and The Jordanaires in 1961, was a country crossover and Patsy’s number one hit—an incredible track that embodies Nancy’s emotions on seeing Ace again. She can’t even look him the eye at the beginning of the episode. Which brings me to my other choice, Walk on By, written by Hal David and Burt Bacharach, and famously sung by Dionne Warwick in 1964. Nancy puts up a brave front for most of this episode, but inside she wants to break down and cry.

10. Episode 405’s speed dating montage is one of my favorite scenes of Season 4. Again I have two contenders—why should I have to choose? Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer’s One For My Baby (and One More for the Road), as sung by Ella Fitzgerald (again ‘cause she’s the best), is an ideal soundtrack for Nancy’s increasingly desperate descent as she spends every would-be speed date talking about Ace and THAT KISS. Equally appropriate is Billy Strayhorn’s Lush Life—velvet-voiced Johnny Hartman and saxophonist John Coltrane’s 1963 track positively drips with ennui, elegantly over cocktails, of course. If you’ve never heard this one, please give it a listen. There’s even a mention of a week in Paris 🥺.

11. Episode 406, with the infamous Spider Prom, is Ace’s episode IMO—we finally get to see how he’s dealing with the loss of the love of his life and his best friend. He so desperately wants to somehow get back to being friends with Nancy, he resorts to spending countless hours with the help of S4 MVP Nick trying to catch Chunky Velez for her. Can’t We Be Friends? is the perfect song for him in this episode, gorgeously sung by Ella and Louis. That is, until he spies Nancy and Tristan dancing, and realizes what he can never have. Etta James’ blistering track I’d Rather Go Blind captures Ace’s feelings in that moment. He may have been the one to halt their attempts to brake the curse, but he’s hurting just as much as Nancy is.

12. I’ve got two seminal songs to represent Episode 407. When Nancy realizes that Ace let Chunky go, and hears his admission that seeing her with Tristan hurt, it positively screams Cry Me a River. No, not the Justin Timberlake song 😅. This epic torch song was famously sung by Julie London in 1955, and expresses beautifully Nancy’s scorn at Ace’s hypocrisy even as she admits that he broke her heart.

Their fight, and Nancy’s subsequent dashed hopes that Ace would call her bluff and come back, makes me think of Ev’ry Time We Say Goodbye. Another Cole Porter masterpiece sung by Ella. What can I say? You can’t top perfection:

Every time we say goodbye, I die a little Every time we say goodbye, I wonder why a little Why the gods above me, who must be in the know Think so little of me, they allow you to go

I dare you to listen to this track without weeping over the Nace of it all. Enjoy!

Well, Drewds, we’re just past the halfway mark of Season 4 and this post is already a novel, so I’m going to stop here for now. What did you think of my picks? Any you think I missed?

I’ll do a Part 2 as long as I get a few notes on this one 😂 . It will feature more classic songs that represent Nancy and Ace as they head into the back half of the season. I know it’s going to get rough ahead, but I promise the music will be sweet.

Update: Part 2 is here!

[pitifulwolves]

i have such an elaborate noah/mirage fic idea but im not much of a writer and i don’t know where else to share this

ok but i had an idea of mirage dating noah in his holoform and i just had to expand more on it (fyi im not really sure how a holoform would work and once again please ignore any mistakes, i never written a fic before 😭)

—

Noah is a closeted gay man living in the 90’s and yearns to be with someone romantically. Mirage could tell by the way Noah looks at loving couples in public, especially during their leisure rides. A part of Mirage wishes he could be that for Noah but its hard especially since he is an alien robot much much bigger than Noah. He isn’t too sure how Noah would feel if he knew how he felt.

One day, mirage was looking through some magazine Noah brought and had an idea of creating the ideal holoform that could be with Noah. That could share comfort and love with.

It was all going so well. it started with a little meet cute and it became more, they started dating and sharing secret kisses in public. Mirage thought it was what he wanted. He thought he would be satisfied, but he never felt more lonely. the more time Noah spent with the holoform, the lesser time he did with mirage.

But he pushed through. he knew he couldn’t experience normal human dates with Noah in his alt form, so he took advantage of what he could.

.

He slipped up. He mentioned Peru during one of their human dates in his holoform and a sudden realization just hit Noah. Everything came crashing down. He left, trying to find mirage.

He was questioning everything they had went through together. Was what they had ever real? Was this some joke? Was he fated to never fall in love?

His head was spiraling into confusion and anger and he marched up to Mirage, eyes puffy and red as tears dripped down his cheeks He screamed and cried, begging mirage to explain why he did so. He wanted to know why. he wanted to know if this prank was funny to mirage. He wanted to know if it was all worth it, especially after breaking his heart.

After his rage has calmed, Mirage admits that he created the holoform with be with Noah, but it was not to play with his heart. He wanted to be with Noah, he yearned having Noah by his side and creating a holoform was the closest he could get. he admitted everything and assured Noah that what he said and did through his holoform was 100% genuine.

Noah’s sobs were calmer as he looked at Mirage with his tired eyes. He didn’t know what to say. Deep down he knew he had some feelings for the alien robot but it was already hard to process his feelings as a gay man, so he pushed those feelings away. Being with Mirages’s holoform, which he didn’t know before, made it easier for him to move on because it felt normal. But now knowing it was mirage all along..he felt a little confused.

Noah admits to himself that being with ‘him’ was the best thing that ever happened to his life. He wanted to experience that again. He wanted to love and feel loved, with someone real this time.

Someone who was already right under his nose. or perhaps above his head in this sense.

Meanwhile, Mirage waits for an answer. Despite what Noah will say, Mirage chooses to respect it. He understands and doesn’t want to push any more boundaries. He doesn’t want to lose his friend. his friend which made his life on earth more exciting than it has ever been during his 7 years being stuck on this planet.

Noah finally speaks. He asks mirage to lean closer with his meekly voice, quiet and dry after sobbing his heart out.

Mirage complies and waits for Noah’s rejection. Instead he received a soft peck on his lips, which made his engine fan whir loudly. Noah smiles earnestly as he places his hand on mirage’s cheek.

Noah rested his forehead on mirage’s and they both stayed silent as they embrace each other’s presence.

No words were said but everything felt right when they were together.

—

i’m experiencing extreme brainrot

I’m going to sob, this entire idea is so so so good, as much as I love mirage being comfortable as himself to be with Noah, the idea that he wants what’s normal for Noah just hits different.

I feel like they’d very occasionally still have Holoform dates, granted no where near as often as before Noah found out the truth.

[nerdyvocals]

Hi there! @look-at-those-niceass-rocks and I are back on our bullshit with some unhinged movie-night quotes, this time with the first Descendants film. Previously, we've had some shit to say about Rise of the Pink Ladies and Julie and the Phantoms. This is the first actual movie we've watched for these movie-night quotes, so it's a long one. Buckle up, and enjoy the ride!

Bee: "Elected king"? That's not how democracy works.

Bee: How is he inheriting the crown if his dad is still alive???

(Note: For those not aware, hi, I'm a costume designer and technician, I usually have Things To Say about costumes, including the following Several Minute Rant)

Me, two minutes into the movie: PAUSE, okay I have opinions here Bee: Okay? Me: Okay so this is a fitting, right? I appreciate the big stitch lengths, that's accurate, but this should be a mock-up, with muslin! Why is it made of the fashion fabric??? Bee: This is riveting

Me: Why are his sleeves finished off? Where are the pins? Is that a hand back stitch??? Bee: *cackling*

Bee: YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IN THE DIVINE RIGHT OF KINGS AND DEMOCRACY

Me: Why did they give Ben a bust dart? Does he have tiddies??? Bee: TRANS BEN???

Bee: I'm gonna take a drink every time you go on a costume rant. Me: LISTEN

Bee (@Evie and Mal): So they're lesbians, right? Me: OH HO HO, YOU'D THINK SO WOULDN'T YA

Bee: You said Kenny Ortega did this, right? Me: Yep! Bee: That. SO very tracks.

Evie: *flirting* Bee: Ahhh, performative heterosexuality!

Me: Her love interest is so [HUSBAND]-coded; you're gonna lose your mind

Bee: Ah yep, Kenny Ortega choreography

Bee: IS THAT FUCKING KRISTEN CHENOWETH??? Me: YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT???

Both of us, anytime Carlos is on screen: He Baby

Bee: I bet AO3 had a field day with this franchise

Bee: Ohhhh, look at that shitty marching band, let me at 'em- NONE OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE PLAYING THOSE INSTRUMENTS Me: *wheeze*

Bee @ Audrey: Oh THATS a lesbian Me: I COULD GO ON A RANT and I won't until we have more context!

Me: Look, Evie's love interest is a dude but I choose to believe that he's a he/him lesbian so it works

Mal: And I totally don't blame your grandparents for inviting everyone in the whole world but my mother to their stupid christening! Me: Look, christenings were public events! They had to go out of their way to tell Maleficent not to come! Bee: Right! Like it was more work to have someone find her to tell her not to come! She would've stayed away if you just kept your mouths shut! Me: Not to victim blame, but don't fuck with the fae if you don't want the fae to fuck with you Bee: No I'm victim blaming in this one instance, that was fucking stupid

Doug: Hi-ho... Bee: Oh god he is [HUSBAND]-coded

Carlos: Die, suckers! Me: Let Carlos say fuck! Bee: He would say it constantly

Jay: *ninja kick through the door* Bee: Dumbass

Carlos: *trying to help Jay up* Me: *sobbing* He baby!!! Bee: He wants to help his brother!!!

Bee, already tipsy: I think every time we say "he baby" I need to drink water

Me: Hnng I remember being obsessed with Mal's outfits as a 14yo but looking at it now as a costume designer, I can't tell if I still love it or if I kinda hate it. Bee: Lemme take a drink and you elaborate. Me: There's something kinda off-putting about it and I can't tell if it's because it reeks of 2015 Disney Channel-which is not a bad thing!-or if I just don't think the design works. Bee: It looks like they were going for scene but didn't really know what scene was

Me: I think we should also take a drink whenever we say "that's gay"

Both: STOP BEING MEAN TO JANE SHE'S SO CUTE

Ben: *trying to convince Carlos Dude won't hurt him* Me: For the trans!Ben headcanon, I know that's just a weird fuckin' seam on his shirt, but it looks like a binder

Honorable mention: Us constantly screaming at evie that she's allowed to be smart

Bee: Hey, [HUSBAND], Wanna come see a character that's you coded???

Evie: *making clothes* Me: THAT SEWING MACHINE IS SEXY

Me @ Lonnie: I wouldn't call that cool hair Bee: Oh now she's cool, she ripped her skirt

Mal: I think it's time Benny Boo got himself a new girlfriend Bee: Girl he is right behind that door

Mal: *wipes Lonnie's tear* Bee: LOOK AT HER FACE, see that? That was a gay awakening

Me during Did I Mention: Guess what Bee: Huh? Me: That's not him singing Bee: *gasp* They Troy Bolton'ed that man

Bee: There are. Not enough trumpets in this band Me: Nerd

Talking about the Maleficent movie and how I've never seen it Bee: Oh god, you would've been like. 12 Me: Or 13 depending on the time of year! Bee: It came out in May Me: ...Okay yeah I would've been 12 Bee: I can do math! [HUSBAND], distantly: Citation needed! Bee: HEY!!!

Ben: Is this your first time? Bee: HUH???

Me: What was he trying to accomplish here? Like he didn't tell her they were going somewhere they might need swimsuits, was he trying to get her in her underwear??? Bee: If it wasn't a Disney movie I'd say yes Me: Horny teenage boy

Ben: *shirtless on the cliff* Me: Good for him, he's had top surgery since the last scene

Maleficent: Still doing tricks with eggplants? Bee: Idk, ask her husband

After the cover of Be Our Guest Bee: What. Was that. Me: I know Bee: That was so bad! Me: I promise the other covers are better

Me: I hate Mal's costume in this scene Bee: Drink! Me: The purple on her blazer matches too perfectly with her hair, there's no break in the silhouette Bee: Oh yeah, I see what you mean Me: I get what they're trying to do with the lighter palette, but I'd swap the blue and purple, personally

Queen Leah: My daughter was raised by fairies Me: That was your own fault Bee: Nowhere in that curse did it say you couldn't raise her

Insert the TEN MINUTE interlude of me dying over the obscene fit of Ben's suit:

(Please note: A) his jacket sleeve is caught on his elbow, which is what's causing that FOUR INCH exposed sleeve, B) who wears a pocket square and no tie? C) the buttons are STRAINING because the suit hasn't been tailored properly, it's way too small, you're the future king and I expect better from you okay you CANONICALLY have people tailoring your clothes, and while we're on buttons, D) NEVER button both buttons on a suit jacket! If the jacket has two buttons, the top is buttoned and the bottom isn't. If it's three, top is button sometimes, middle is always buttoned, and the bottom is never. Also: Unbutton when sitting or doing physical activity, such as croquet. This has been Levi's useless button PSA)

Honorable mention: I showed my mentor this picture the next day and he gasped like he'd been shot

Jane: He's never gonna make a villain a queen Me: WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU! Bee: WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!

Me: she's not ugly, she just has a fuck ass bob

Bee @ Beast: Oh why'd they give him glasses, now he's hot

Mal: How do you know that?? Ben: because I'm listening to my heart! Bee: Gay Mal: I'm listening to mine too Bee: DOUBLE gay

Bee: I love how you can soo very see all these frozen people moving

Maleficent: *Dragon Time (tm)* Bee: FOUND THE BUDGET

Jane: Guess I did get pretty lucky in the mother department Me: Speaking of mothers can someone please catch the lizard Bee: PLEASE

Side note, my internet was wigging out and the stream kept freezing, particularly during Set It Off Me, struggling with the connection: And what if I cry Bee: Limping toward the finish line Me: What if I cry and commit arson

Mal: You didn't think that was the end of the story, did you? Bee: Well that was fucking ominous We watched Descendants 2 as well!

[calaisreno]

Imperfect: Pain, Truth, Love

Prompt: Truth

“How’s your pain level?” John asks. 

“Tolerable,” he says, as close to the truth as he can manage. It fucking hurts, he wants to say. 

“Liar. If you’re in pain, I can give you something.”

Give me time travel, he thinks. Send me back to 2010, let me figure out how we won’t end up here.

“No, it’s not so bad.” He considers. “You should go home, check on Mary.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Well, she’s pregnant.”

“Yeah. She’s also a nurse, and knows how to use a phone.”

“But you—“

“Don’t say you chose her. I didn’t. And I don’t. The woman I chose, the one I married, wasn’t an assassin. I don’t know who she is.”

He reconsiders. “She could have killed me if that’s what she intended.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” John glares at him. “That was a kill shot. And if it wasn’t, it’s given her what she wanted. That’s what she thinks, anyway. I’m not letting her divide us.” He gives a short, brutal laugh. “And her shooting you was acceptable? Is that what you think?”

“She was cornered. It wasn’t her plan.”

John rolls his eyes, gives a deep sigh. “I know you’re the amazing Sherlock Holmes, who can identify a software designer by his tie and – what was it? – a retired plumber by his left hand.” He looks away, stubbornly shaking his head. “I’ve lived with her for months. Maybe I was oblivious for most of that time, but that bullet—“ he points at Sherlock’s chest— “has given me remarkable clarity.”

“John—“

“No, Sherlock. She’s lied to me from the day we met. Everything about her is a lie. Maybe if she’d just lied about one thing— but I can see it all now. Even here, in this room, while the paramedics were taking you away, she pretended concern, but she never ever apologised to me for—“ Tears course down his face. “She knew what it did to me when you died— she saw how I grieved— and she tried to take you from me again—“

“Come here,” he says. “John, please.”

“Not if you’re going to tell me how she saved your life!”

“All right. Just— come here.”

John kneels beside his chair, leans his head on Sherlock’s thigh. Sherlock puts his hand on John’s head, feels him let go. 

“I want you to be happy,” he says. “Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve been looking for someone. When I saw you with Mary, I thought you’d found her.”

A deep sigh. “So did I. But that was only because I’d lost you. Who was the last woman I dated, Sherlock? Do you remember?”

“The boring teacher.”

“Her name was Jeanette. We broke up after the Christmas party, the first year I lived here. Do you know why I stopped dating?”

“I assumed it was because I kept scaring off all your potential girlfriends.”

“It was because of what Irene said. I know you heard it. You were there.”

“You told her you’re not gay.”

“She said we were a couple. She was right about that, and I was just too stupid to see it then. But after— after you fell, after you died—“ His face contorts with sorrow. “It was too late, but I saw it. I was in love with you.”

“But you met Mary. You married her. You’re not gay.”

“Look, just assume I’m an idiot, Sherlock. I was angry with you. I’d realised that I was in love with you, settled for a woman who I thought could make me happy, or at least less unhappy, and then you came back. But you don’t do feelings. You don’t do romance or— love. Me loving you—“ he makes a choked sound, half laugh, half sob. “You were never going to love me back, so I stayed with her. And now— I’m not going to make that mistake again. Maybe it is too late. Maybe you’re married to your work, don’t have friends, avoid sentiment because it wreaks havoc on your rational brain. I don’t care. I choose you. I love you. I need you.”

“John—“

“Fine— sentiment is on the losing side. You can’t reciprocate. I know, I know. I won’t leave you again. Not voluntarily. You’ll have to change the locks if you want to get rid of me. Or maybe have Mycroft vanish me, send me to some remote part of Canada. He’s threatened before—“

“What?”

“Just say it, Sherlock. If you want me go, I’ll go— anywhere but back to her. I wish—“

“John, stop.”

John sighs, looks up at him. “All right, I’ll go. But not until you’re off pain meds. When you’re well, I’ll leave. I’m not sorry I told you how I feel, Sherlock, but I don’t want you to think that you owe me something you can’t give.”

“John, please. No more.” He closes his eyes, breaths deeply. “Let’s assume I’m an idiot, too. I told you I was married to my work, and I believed it. But I was wrong. By the time I realised, you were dating women. I would never make you happy, I thought, but apparently I couldn’t stand seeing someone else make you happy. But when I came back and saw what I’d done to you, how unhappy you’d been after I left—“

“After you died.”

“— I was willing to put your happiness before my own selfish desires. That’s why I told you to go back to her. I wanted you to be happy.“

“Are you even listening? It isn’t about being happy, Sherlock! I don’t know why you think—“

“That’s what I thought, past tense. As I say, I was an idiot. This is imperfect— you and I. It’s something I didn’t realise, and when I finally realised, it was something I didn’t want to feel.”

Unexpectedly, John laughs. “You’re saying that even though we’re a mess, even though you don’t want it—“

“I love you too, John.”

“Do you mean—”

“Yes. In every way. Always.”

1000 words / Flash Fiction

@lisbeth-kk @meetinginsamarra @raina-at @bertytravelsfar @momma2boys @jrow @helloliriels @the-reading-lemon @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @elwinglyre @mydogwatson @thetimemoves @jobooksncoffee @lhrinchelsea @peanitbear @gregorovitchworld @7-percent @shiplocks-of-love @khorazir @gaylilsherlock @catlock-holmes @the-reading-lemon