#THE FUCK PEOPLE WHY AND HOW WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING DAMAGE
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Part One
A large part of the Steve Harrington lore was that he left his throne, his popularity, childhood best friends behind--for Nancy Wheeler.
This was a lie.
It wasn’t even one he encouraged--and Steve had done some damage control in the aftermath of that whole thing with the tunnels.
He volunteered, dropped hints to the right crowd.
It took time, but eventually, his insistence that he’d changed, left his old crew behind to become a better version of himself, began to stick.
Or at least it did with the people who mattered.
It took Starcourt for him to realize that wasn’t really the truth either.
Steve did want to be a better person. He was working actively on being a better person.
But…
(But he still heard screams from a bus in the junkyard when he slept. Felt fear lick down his spine as he charged in, knowing he was the only thing standing between three dumb kids and a painful, shitty death.
But he still heard Dustin, full of conviction, tell his friends that Steve was the only person he could find.
But now he had a “bad” shoulder, a “twinge�� in his ribs, and a head that was plagued by migraines, all of which made him look in the mirror and ask himself “What if I hadn’t gone with them?)
…you couldn’t be there for someone, couldn’t protect someone, if you were too busy playing high school bullies with your friends.
Robin would likely argue these were simply the reasons he wanted to be a better person, but Robin now ranked as one of Steve’s top 10 personal regrets--even if he was pretty sure they’d become best friends.
Because Steve was the oldest. He’d graduated high school for fucks sake, he should have shut Dustin down the second he realized what was happening was legitimate.
He absolutely should not have let Robin get involved and Erica--
He can’t even really think about Erica, no matter how much Erica herself argues elsewise.
At the very least, Steve can admit to himself he protected them in the end.
Got beat to shit and had to fake his death alongside Hopper to do it, but they all got out.
Alive.
Unscathed.
Hopefully to put this whole fucking thing past them once Owens finished cleaning house in the government.
Unfortunately life--and Eddie fucking Munson--was not ready to put anything to rest.
Munson in fact, seemed hellbent on disturbing what he could--and Steve, wholly haunted by the fact the kids always came to him, couldn’t let him do it alone.
At least, he thought with grim distaste, as he followed Munson’s weaving path to the ruins of Starcout, he was getting his car out of it.
xXx
Uncanny valley doesn’t do Steve’s feelings justice.
Starcourt was laid out in a giant L, and coming at it from the outer edges like he and Munson did means everything looks disturbingly normal.
Off putting, if only because it’s 10 in the morning and not a soul is in the mall, but otherwise?
Like nothing ever went wrong.
As they move closer to the center, things begin to unravel.
It’s not noticeable at first. Not unless you’re looking. The litter on the floor, the little piles of weird looking debris.
The stains.
Nothing that outwardly screams “something horrible happened here” but it's coming--and though Munson is creeping along just as quietly as Steve is, he knows the guy isn’t on edge in the same way.
Why would he be? Nothing Steve said had managed to deter him, and given Steve can’t exactly explain what happened or why he’s playing possum, Munson was plenty confident about going forward with his little B&E.
At least not until they finally turn the corner, and the destruction hits them full force.
Glass and chunks of plaster cover the ground like confetti. Lights hang sideways or lay smashed on the floor, as do pieces of doors (and railings and half of the entire upper floor.)
The place looks like something out of a disaster film--which Steve supposes, is exactly what it is.
If the disaster was supernatural in nature, and also caused by a giant monster made out of the melted flesh.
(God, his life was weird.)
“What the hell happened here?” Eddie said, eyes wide as he took in the damage.
Steve tried to imagine what it must look like for him. Looked at the scene and tried to pretend he was someone who wasn’t in the know, who thought the mall had been destroyed by a fire and subsequent structural collapse.
Could almost convince himself one could buy it--if it weren’t for the smears of blood that still stained the floor.
He stared at said smears, trying to match up which puddle was the one Billy died in, in comparison to all the other stains that the feds hadn’t bothered to remove.
Recalled the way Max screamed, fighting her way towards her step-brother when he finally fell.
The yell Billy himself had let out, when he’d managed to shake off the Mindflayer, long enough to give El the time she needed.
Steve hadn’t really thought about it until now.
Billy’s death.
Hadn’t really had time too, given Owens had pulled him and a handful of others out of the ambulance and forced them into hiding.
(From the fucking Russians still hanging around, apparently, though that had been Owens flimsy excuse. Murray and Hopper and long guessed it was something far closer to home.
“You ever think about how weird that was? That Russians made it to Hawkins and no one ever noticed?” Hopper had asked, a beer in the same hand that had an IV sticking out of the back of it. “Given the lab was right across town you think they’d be watching for that kinda thing.”
“Please Jim, I am begging you, for once, to use your head. They didn’t get here without assistance and they certainly didn’t do it without help from our own government.” Murray had scoffed in return.
He held two lit cigarettes in his hand, and was reaching for a third.
“Why the hell would the US military let in Russians?"
“An excellent question, and I’ll return it with one of my own. If we assume we are being lied too, and all the Russians are actually gone, why would Owens still need to hide us?"
“...Fuck.”
“Fuck indeed.”)
Now, Steve found he had all the time in the world to contemplate Billy Hargrove and his mostly unnoticed possession. His supposed sacrifice.
Had it redeemed him, the way movies and TV shows always said that kind of death, did?
Steve imagined the sneered grin on Billy’s face that night at the Byers. Felt phantom knuckles brush across his face, the fury that had ignited within him when Billy hadn’t gone for him, but for Lucas.
Compared it to his own fight with Jonathan in ‘82.
The words he’d allowed Tommy to spray upon the theater sign regarding his own girlfriend. The camera he’d destroyed.
The demogorgon in the Byers house, lights flashing as it tore through the wall.
If things had been different, if Steve hadn’t survived back then--would people wonder the same things about him? Would they ask themselves if his sacrifice was worth it--if it proved he was a good person, under it all?
“Harrington?”
Steve jumped, startling when Munson nudged him.
“You good, man?” He asked, and Steve almost laughed at him because no, he definitely was not good.
He can’t say that though, and so he does what he always does. Shoves the thoughts down, puts the feelings back inside a box in his mind.
Lies.
“Yeah--fine.” He said, brushing off his staring. “Come on, Scoops is that way.”
He gestures, ignoring the concerned look that’s overtaken Munson’s face.
Panicking he knows, will not get his keys back, and neither will it help him learn what idiot is poking around the Upside Down this time.
Because for all of Murray's conspiracies, he doesn’t actually think the feds are Munson’s benefactor. Owens had been inclined to agree, when Steve first reported this entire situation back.
It’s definitely not his parents, who are conveniently overseas in London.
That leaves very little options, including a disturbing possibility of a new player to the game, and given all the green goo Steve had seen, the way they all know it does--something, to help power the gate...
It’d be nice to get ahead of things for once, instead of scrambling to catch up.
(Screw Hopper and Owens and everyone who told Steve to stay out of it.
He knew damn well Munson wouldn’t listen to his warnings.
Wouldn’t back off and definitely wouldn’t leave it alone.
Hopper’s half-delirious (and morphine fueled) rants about this finally being a wakeup call for Munson if he didn’t listen wasn’t going to make up for the blood on Steve's hands if the guy went in there without him and died. )
Walking through Scoop's is almost more unnerving than walking through the mall itself. Likely because Steve spent time here, and seeing it in it's destroyed state--lights off, ice cream melted and fouling the air with the a rancid stench do him no favors.
The You Suck board is laying haphazardly on the floor.
Steve forces himself to walk by it, and breathes only through his mouth.
“Your locker, my liege!” Munson crows as they enter the back part of Scoop’s, throwing out an arm at it like he’s presenting a game show prize. “Shall we see if the treasure we seek is behind door number one?”
Steve rolls his eyes, but remains quiet as he steps up and enters his combination.
It swings open as easily as it ever had, and there, hanging from the crooked hook, is the car keys Steve is so desperately after.
Munson throws his hands in the air, like Steve’s just shot the winning basket of a game.
“Score!” He yells, and Steve grins reflexively even as he shushes him.
“Now," Munson says dramatically, "the hunt begins for our second prize.”
Steve rolls his eyes.
“I told you I don’t have a class ring.”
“And yet they have me searching for one anyway.” Like a hound zeroing in on a trail, he immediately orients to the back of Scoop’s, waltzing through to the backrooms like this was everyday for him.
Given his confusing and handwaved excuse of how he got involved in this, Steve suppose it could be.
(He had decided, sometime between the first and fifth time he’d tried to get Eddie to explain how, exactly he’d been roped into this little mission, that the man could never meet Dustin.
Henderson was already too good at steamrolling over Steve, explaining nothing other than the facts that would force them all to do what the little shit wanted, all the while leading them further into trouble.
He didn’t need to befriend someone like Munson, whose mastery of the same bullshit had him doing, well.
This.)
To the end of the hall Eddie skipped, and Steve kept his eyes on his jacket. Some sort of demon thing was posed on the back, a shirt that had been ripped up and resewn to be a backpatch.
It was better than looking at anything else back here.
It took them no time at all to reach their destination.
The door down had a shiny new lock on it. A big thing, with chains so thick Steve briefly wondered if they were worried about containment.
Had they pulled something through the gate, before it had exploded?
The base was large--larger than Steve had seen, and he'd passed room after room when running around down there.
No one had the time to explore, and one would assume any and all monsters had been removed from the premise but there was always that little tickling feeling.
The one that chanted 'What if...'
Unfortunately, the lock did nothing to detour this little jaunt.
Munson dropped to his knees in front of a door, hair pin in hand. He fiddled with the lock for a moment and Steve took it to visualize how different things might have been if the older teen had been there with them.
How much easier some of it would have been.
(Not that Steve wanted to involve anyone else in this mess.
He'd carry the guilt of dragging Erica and Robin both into it for the rest of his life, not matter what either had to say about the matter. Dustin he knew he couldn't stop, but then, Steve doubted they'd have even made it that far without the girls.)
A click sounded, and Eddie looked up, eyes bright with a wild grin on his face.
“Open sesame.” He purred as he stood, the door opening under his hands. He pushed on it, revealing the dark gaping maw of a stairwell.
Dread hit Steve like a wave.
“We shouldn’t go down there.” He said.
They had already had this conversation, but Steve felt the overwhelming urge to revisit it on grounds that he still isn’t sure how exactly, Munson got him to agree to come in the first place, and also, now that he was thinking of it, because the guy reminded him of Dustin.
“We shouldn’t be here at all.” Munson countered, springing back to his feet. “But some of us need this little thing called money.”
He rubbed his thumb and forefinger together, as if Steve needed the extra visual.
“If you’re giving me the car--and the car keys--what's the point of going after the ring?” Steve tried, staring down the stairwell before him. “Aren’t they gonna like, not pay you for not finding anything?”
Munson made a dismissive noise, waving his hands in the air like he was dispersing smoke.
“Eddie.” Steve said, and knew by the way Munson looked at him that the use of his first name hit as intended. “I mean it, man.”
There was no point in going through with the rest of it. No point at all.
“And I told you I was given a side mission to my main mission, and a little industry secret for ya here Harrington,"
Steve watched as cheshire-cat like grin lit up Munson’s face, in a way eerie similar to Dustin’s gummy smile. "the side missions always pay more.”
“What's under there isn’t--this isn’t--it’s not safe.” Steve fired back, hating how he fumbled the words, like a ball slipping through his hands.
Munson scoffed.
“Life ain’t safe.”
“This is different.” He tried to argue and hated how stubborn Munson was being about this.
It almost made him feel bad about all the time’s Robin had protested.
(Idly Steve wondered if this was how she felt. Like she was getting dragged along--like she had to go.
Did her insides feel scooped out? Stomach hollow and head hurting?
Or had the excitement blinded her too much to feel the way the walls seemed to press in?)
Steve’s gut clenched with worry, and he shook his head to clear the anxiety.
Met Munson's gaze and desperately thought of something to say to convince him to walk away.
Some of that must have bled onto his face, because Munson was giving him an odd, searching look.
“I’ll make you a deal, Steve-O." He said. "You give me two good reasons why we shouldn’t go down there, and if they’re really convincing, I might agree to skip it.”
“I signed NDAs.” Steve sighed, because this was an argument they’d also already had.
Twice in fact--once, when Eddie first found him, alive and very much not dead as reported, and the second time when he approached Steve with his “retrieval project.”
(Both times at the goddamn gas station, which Steve would now be avoiding for life.)
On eyebrow raised. “Over a mallfire?”
“I think,” Steve said dryly, gesturing around to the destruction that surrounded them, “that you’ve figured out it wasn’t a mallfire.”
Technically he wasn't even supposed to say that, but then, Steve had long stopped caring if he actually broke the stupid thing.
The real issue was that the story sounded like something out of a bad horror film--fake and ridiculous. If he tried to explain it, Munson would assume Steve had finally cracked.
Or, more likely, decide he was being made fun of, and react accordingly.
(They couldn't afford to fight here, and neither did Steve want Munson storming off.)
“Well duh. But then, you’re the one who won’t say what really happened here.” Munson waggled his eyebrows in a way that was so cartoony Steve was mildly impressed a person could pull it off.
He sighed a second time.
“You wouldn’t believe me.”
“You keep saying that and you keep not trying me.” Eddie leaned against the door frame. “Come on Harrington. Two reasons.”
Steve tried.
Ran through what might convince Munson to leave it all alone.
Figured the guy was kind of like Dustin, in that he couldn’t be too vague (because it would just intrigue him) and he couldn’t be too honest (because any idiot could see Munson would be all over some kind of government conspiracy.)
“The fact the building might pancake on us at any moment isn't enough?" He asked, unsure if sounding desperate was the right move here (an equally unsure if he could hide it if it was.)
He’d hadn’t tried this route before--hadn’t thought Munson would go for it.
Not when he'd waived off every other attempt Steve could think of, to stop this.
“Nah, I trust my source, this place will hold.” Munson leaned forward, deep into Steve’s space and though Steve waivered back, he let the older teen get close. “You’ve been off ever since we came in here, Harrington. I want to know why.”
“I was in the fire. Munson. I did almost die."
He still had a bruise left to prove it.
"That ain't it and you know it."
"I don't know what else to tell you then." Steve said, angry. why was the guy making this so hard? Why couldn't he just fucking listen!?
“Not even two reasons?”
“There’s not--” Steve closed his eyes, frustrated. “I’ve given you far more than two reasons!”
“Not any good ones.”
“I don’t know what you want from me. "Steve admitted finally. "because I told you, you wouldn’t believe the rest of it--”
Munson didn't let his rant pick up steam. instead he pulled himself back, interrupting Steve.
“Then down the rabbit hole we go, Alice!”
Quick as a flash he was down the stairs and Steve bit back a curse as he rushed to follow.
“Munson--come on, wait!” He yelled back.
Eddie, of course, did no such thing.
It took everything he had in him to rush after, but Steve did it anyway.
What else was he good for?
#uncanny valley#steddie#lmao why did I ever think this was a two parter#starcourt#s4 au#Steve harrington has PTSD#and needs a hug#bad#0o0 fanfics#eddie munson#steve harrington#stranger things#no one ever writes about them going back#time to fix that
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I always feel like a little sad seeing posts about how Jason's character is inherently tragic and that's what makes it good, how him being unloved, a tragic consequence of his own actions, is inevitable, and how that shouldn't change because any change on that regard is a fundamental misunderstanding of his character. Yes, Under the Hood is a tragedy. Yes, Jason survived and for a long time people have been pretty confused at what to do with the character that survives the tragic ending. That doesn't mean he should continue to be trapped in the tragedy, that there's only value in him as long as he's unloved. And maybe that's me preaching and being a party pooper again but the idea that the teenage-to-young adult character with a mental illness that has damaged all his relationships is doomed to be lonely and have bad/upended relationships forever, that he's only good as a character as long as he's hurting others and/or himself (and usually both) and isolated because of this... It's sad, at the very least. I refuse the presumption that tragedies are the only stories wise and worth telling.
Also I personally really dislike the idea that Jason isn't and shouldn't be anyone's favourite, because he made himself nobody's favourite on purpose. Did he make himself a villain on purpose? Fuck yeah. Does any of his early attempts at reaching out to people hurt them? Indubitably. I maintain that this is because he wants to be someone's favourite as he is, at his worst, with his hands covered in blood. And I think he should be. (Without contradicting or damaging, by comparison, the relationships between other characters, that's the tightrope we need to be weary of when making such things, of course.)
It's like this: love, in most relationships, is conditional: you don't owe your friend or your partner to continue to love them if the relationship changes, if you change, if you become violent etc. If my girlfriend started murdering puppies, I would stop loving her. Ideally, however a parent's love for their child is unconditional. That's very often unfortunately not the case, but ideally it'd be, it's really not great for a kid to have zero parents that love them unconditionally. And most importantly, it's not just about actual unconditional love, it's about it being perceived. So it doesn't matter in the debate if Bruce actually loves Jason in spite of the murder, it matters that Jason asks for confirmation of it at the end of UTH and receives a negative answer. (similar arguments to be made about Catherine loving Jason and dying of drug overdose and Willis going to jail and dying - it's the potential perceived abandonment of it that would matter, not their agency and actual love. And it's not a question of whether he would be angry at it so much as that he'd yearn and hurt for it. And of course Sheila didn't love him at all.) That's why he, upon learning about Mia and reaching previously unknown to man levels of projection*, tries to rally her with the hope that, because she's "so similar to him" she would understand him. That's why upon learning about Dick "killing" Blockbuster Jason, again projecting more violently than a bullet, Jason makes Dick into his new favourite person (god, the concept behind BiB has so much potential why did it have to suck so bad...) Anyway, Jason to me is a character with a very intense, very overwhelming conception of love both in who he loves and how, who struggles to understand that other people love and show it differently, and it makes so much sense for him to keep looking for a person who will love him unconditionally (something that's both very rare and not necessarily healthy since, again, most relationships aside from parent-child relationships do not and probably should not include unconditional love). This is particularly interesting in the context of him having bpd (again, using bpd because i'm focusing on the interpersonal dimension that's been mostly studied within that frame) because BPD often functions around a vicious circle of "is afraid of rejection/abandonment -> does maladaptive behaviour in attempt to prevent rejection/abandonment OR protect oneself by being the one to leave first" which is what leads to the instability in relationships. It's a doomed prophecy: i have maladaptive patterns that make me think my girlfriend is gonna leave me at any time, I keep demanding to see her phone, assuming she's cheating everytime she leaves and thus demonizing her even though I was glorifying her five minutes earlier" then she's going to leave me, which is gonna reinforce my thought pattern that everyone always leaves me. But that also means that in rare instances in which the other person in the interact, for whichever reason, sticks around through that, then these incorrect thought patterns begin to change through the sheet logic of extinction: if i think that people always leave me because of something fundamentally wrong with me and people don't leave then eventually the idea that people are doomed to abandon/reject me is going to lose its power. That's, btw, an important part of why therapy works.
(*that one's a joke, btw. He's not projecting onto mia and dick to levels impossible to mankind, just pretty intensely. Very human levels of projection, might I add'. Just to clarify.)
Now, be mindful: I'm not saying make Jason an abusive boyfriend. I'm not saying put him in a relationship where the other stays because they're afraid of him, that's not unconditional love or acceptance that's just fear. Of course, the ideal version of it would be Jason goes to therapy but because dc hates me specifically this is never gonna happen, but imagine him being in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, with someone who is as intense and "unwell" about him as he is about them. I'm not saying it would fix him (again, get him so goddamn therapy jfc) but it would change him. And just as it doesn't have to be healthy it doesn't have to be tragic.
I was asked a while ago my thoughts on Jason's current stagnancy as a character and if I thought he could become interesting again, and I said yes and talked about the directions I dream would be explored with his character and their potential. My answer hasn't changed, and it's completely compatible with this, but I will add: I think Jason as a character has largely and for long enough been defined through his yearning to be somebody's favourite, and that if you want his mode of interacting with others and dynamic with different characters to change then this is a very logical way to do it. And it would make a lot of sense for it to be the catalyst for other changes in his character (ie in his name or philosophy).
Get that boy into a super intense long-term codependent situationship, is what I'm saying. Please.
#dc#jason todd#dc comics#red hood#i'm only talking about Jason's part in this and not who I think would fit best in that context#even though I already have a candidate in mind#because it needs to be equivalent exchange for the characters too.#aka i need to be sure it'd be interesting for this character's arc to be this intense towards him as well#and so further research is needed before i'm sure of my answer#jason todd meta#this was supposed to be two sentences if you can believe it
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Started as an idea and I had to draw them okay??
Presenting: Riding Hood!!💥💯💪🔥 Aka: Ride, Rider, and Flynn
Rant bellow ↓
AGENDER THEY/IT BBY FOR THE WIN RAHHH!!!
Their name is Devon Rene Inkwill
I didn't know initially how unmasked them would look like but jellyfish haircuts kept coming on my feed so I incorporated that. And of course I couldn't pick a gender and just didn't give them the concept at all.
Their signature weapon is a ✨meteorhammer✨ which is the yellow loops under the utility belt (they attached two small hooks on each side of the utility belt to more easily carry the meteorhammer and keep it more secure when they doesn't use it). Here's the tt I got the idea from.
Inside the bag on their hip are stored other heads for the hammer (the one they usually have on is made of thick rubber, which hurts but wouldn't usually leave long lasting damage (I don't think)) like maybe they want to switch to a steal ball or a blade yk?
I'm still contemplating whether to give them a knife or one of these as an extra weapon that's held on the back of the belt. Or they can switch between which one they carry idk.
The combat boots are steal toed and the gloves are like those indestructible gloves (I think they'd be pretty useful in Gotham– and any situation that requires fighting really).
They have armor on the front and back to their torso, as well as on their knees, elbows and forearms. The helmet also gets put in this category. Jason was like I didn't start wearing armor myself just to not give my sidekick some!
The cloak is made of very thick material, like they were made in the past to protect the wearer from the cold, and not only does it keep them warm bur they use it for defense (no Jason they will not line the bottom hem with rocks to knock people out. No not even if they're pretty rocks!).
In this au Jason wouldn't even think to have a kid as a sidekick which is why it's even funnier whan he does, and neither he nor Devon know how it happened. Like you know how you tried to remember how you met a person and cannot recall at all and it feels like they just spawned in your life one day? That's basically it.
It's more like Jason (either as a civilian or as Red Hood) had small interactions with Devon and eventually got attached and wanted to make sure the kid knew how to defend themself in case it came to it so he gave them a few tips and lessons (and then they find out he's Red Hood if they didn't already know, and they thought it was super cool).
Maybe Red Hood got seen with another often enough that the sidekick rumor started to spread and so a few times when Devon was there (they would wear a mask over their lower face and a hoodie whenever they were with "the Hood" and not with "Jason") both of them got attacked. This happens often enough that Jason makes Davon wear protective gear whenever they're with him in Crime Alley and that sealed the deal for anyone who saw them from then on out that yes The Red Hood has a sidekick now.
Rene insisted on a cloak because cloaks are cool! And some random guy they were fighting say "Who the hell are you supposed to be? The little red riding hood? Ha!" Jason makes fun of them the rest of the night and kept saying it on the occasion, and Rene was like "fuck it, fine, that's my name now I guess!"
The next time someone asked: "who the hell they are!?"
Rene: "Fucking Riding Hood, bitch!"
Jason: "Wait what??! Fr??"
Rene: "Yes bitch, and it's your fault, deal with it!"
The bats would obviously ask questions and would want to know who Riding Hood is. Jason refuses to tell them, mostly to fuck with Bruce. He told Babs as such and she agreed to help him mess with the bat (and Tim is probably on in it too) and keep any information about them tucked away from the others.
Jason only calls them either Ride or Rider because "Riding Hood" is stupid and he can't believe they actually picked that and no he didn't feel anything whenever they wanted to match with him what are you talking about.
Either Babs (& Tim) keep the information from everyone or all the kids are in on it to just mess with Bruce, but whichever it is, the bat decided to start investigating on his own and used a codename for Riding Hood's file and he chooses "Flynn" (the thought of Bruce choosing that name himself is hilarious to me because yes he'll respect the fairytale theme, everyone in Gotham has a theme, why not them too, right?).
Batman doesn't know his kids are actively hiding information from him about "Flynn". They keep it from the rest of the Justice League too, except for Superman who already heard the conversation between Jason and Babs and was later pleased with to go along.
Batman now thinks "Flynn" is a meta or some kind of cryptid for the kryptonian (and the rest of the JL) to not be able to get much information either.
Jason is very much laughing and updating Devon with what Babs is telling him. Devon thinks it's fucking hilarious.
Rene starts to call Jason "Mother Gothel" because he just loves to gaslight them for no reason. ("That's not true.", "YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT NOW!", "lmao" ">={" )
Devon doesn't know anyone else's identities besides Jason's. They don't care much, if at all, about celebrities to actually pay attention, and that includes the Waynes. Jason finds this hilarious.
Also, did I make Devon short just so they can comfortably climb on Jason? Yes, yes I did.
#dc riding hood#limelemonleafart#limelemonleafpost#artists on tumblr#art#my art#oc#digital art#original character#red hood#dc comics#dcu#dc universe#dc jason todd#dc red hood#jason todd#dc oc art#dc oc#rant post#rant#I've been writing this for an hour#i regret nothing
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I'm going to barf.
#hello there#what the FUCK is wrong with these people#i literally do not understand#going to go to a boxing class in 30 and hope to the gods i come out of hitting things with a better pilling situation#THE FUCK PEOPLE WHY AND HOW WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING DAMAGE#im sorry but its beyond my comprehension
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This is the only thing I'm going to say about the election until it's over:
Anyone who did not vote for Harris or who attempted to dissuade people from voting for Harris, you are indirectly responsible for whatever shit Donald Trump does if he gets elected. That blood is primarily on his hands, yes. But it is also on yours. I hope you can live with that because I sure as hell wouldn't be able to.
#'but gaza' trump wants TO OBLITERATE THEM. HE LITERALLY WANTS THERE TO BE NOTHING LEFT OF GAZA AT ALL. WHY DO YOU THINK#I DON'T WANT HIM IN POWER?????#yeah I said I wouldn't election post I lied sorry.#I know most of you don't actually care what happens to american citizens because we're all Violent Hypocrites who should kill ourselves#and somehow every single civilian is responsible for the actions of a military and government that comparatively few of us are actually par#of but FUCKING HELL. You don't care about THE PEOPLE OF GAZA??? Because that's what you're telling me if you're in favor of#doing anything OTHER than the most likely path to get trump out of politics. which is voting for the candidate DIRECTLY OPPOSING HIM.#the thing about america being an empire that needs to die. is that before it dies. it is still affecting the rest of the world.#I can't make you care about me and my loved ones. but I am IMPLORING you to have some fucking compassion for all the people#who are going to be DEEPLY negatively affected elsewhere if trump gets into power.#THEIR HARM. THEIR DEATHS. ARE ON /YOU/ IF YOU DID ANYTHING TO FACILITATE TRUMP'S VICTORY IF THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.#I don't believe most of you actually have any amount of the sympathy and compassion for others you claim to have.#I don't think any of the causes you throw yourself behind are actually meaningful to you. I don't think any of this is based on a#genuine desire to build a better world. I think you just want your Internet friends to think you are a Good Person.#if I see anyone. ANYONE. acting like a trump presidency is what we 'deserve'. or that it's necessary to 'teach [xyz] a lesson'#I am NEVER speaking to you again I don't care how long I've known you.#us politics#I am a disabled queer woman. almost everybody I love is also disabled and queer. you think we're acceptable collateral damage fine.#but don't cry that I'm being a bitch if I say that that makes me not trust you and not want to have anything to do with you.
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Ngl as a small business owner who puts out something extremely pirate-able and who has never earned enough to make a pay check, this...
...is extremely upsetting.
Do y'all realize that most small business are maybe a handful of people? Do y'all realize that company's like LLCs exist to protect owners from legal and financial repercussions if the company falls apart? I'm not a company because I have stockholders, I'm a company so that if the business goes bankrupt the banks can't seize my fucking house. It's not evil to use existing legal structures to protect my family's assets. It's not unreasonable to ask people not to steal from businesses like mine.
It's like on Tumblr when it's One Artist or One Author Doing The Thing Themself you guys are all about it but the minute anyone tries to collectivize to do better we go from One Person Against The World to The Embodiment of Capitistic Evil with no in between, which is especially insane coming from the website that claims to think individualism has turned toxic and we should do more with community organization. The minute lots of people are involved in a business, there HAS to be legal structures like contracts and shit to protect the people involved. The Lone Creator Forging a Path is great for that one person. What about everyone else?
And so... some of us try to make a company to lift up a group.
And then I see shit takes like this.
Maybe. Maybe DONT fucking pirate from literally anyone just cause they've got the word "company" I'm the name?
Maybe remember that for small businesses, yes even when they're a company, there's a single person, or a family, or a group of friends, who are working their asses off to build something, and actually? Stealing from them makes you a FUCKING DICK.
Like. You realize we're just people right? Other regular people trying to survive the dystopian hellscape that is the now?
Maybe stop acting like you're automatically entitled to the labor and creations of others solely because you've decided that there is an entire huge category of people it's okay to steal from.
Like honestly. What the fuck.
#unforth rambles#i get that a general post isnt about me specifically#but yall realize that in the same way that saying certain things about appearance causes splash damage to everyone who shares that appearan#saying shit like this does splash damage to people like me#well i didnt MEAN a small place like yours i meant disney#well thats not at all what op said and i am definitely included in what op said#i know how hard i work and the people like me work#and i guarantee that even if some people reblogging this mean big places plenty dont and they feel validated by this#idk if our stuff has been pirated i refuse to check#but i intentionally dont use drm because fuck thwt noise so its certainly possible#and considering i work 50 hours plus a week and have never gotten paid while trying to build this into something sustainable#i think maybe you can appreciate why this shit pisses me off so bad#i am the splash damage on your piracy is cool oh but i didnt mean from you hun kinds of posts#if there are truly times you dont think piracy is okay maybe stop reblogging posts that say its always okay#also apologies to the mutuals who reblogged rhe above#i know you dont mean me but tbh that doesnt mean it doesnt hurt
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also just for the record. no matter how much utterly stupid shit i say or draw about him, frank actually makes me so deeply sad. this old man should be picking up his grandkids but he cant. i think about him too much and im so sad
#marvel#frank castle#the punisher#this is true for like most of these guys [gestures vaguely to comicbook men] but frank is the one that makes me want to chew on rocks rn. s#like yeah i selfship with him for fun and i like to think about cutesy or funny stuff involving him but the reality is he makes me so sad#ig thats part of why i do it. you make me so sad old man. but youre not real so in some version of not real you can be a little better#not happy but yk better#but like. just. fuck man hes so deeply damaged and hurt it drives me up the wall. my hurt person hurting people#as always i struggle to string words together this isnt news if you know anything about him you know exactly what im getting at#he would have been a wonderful father and husband. the way hes so devoted to them still. always. its killing me#sometimes i see canon moments of him where how just fundamentally deeply broken as a person he is and augh#nothing can help you nothing can make things any better but my god you cannot be left alone in this state#eh maybe thats it. i cant help him i cant make him feel better. but i cant let him be alone like this#i dont think he should have to be alone like this#bleh sorry word vomit. im tired and sleepy. i wrote 4 essays this week. need to write 2 more. going a little bonkers#brain is fried.
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everyone jumping to team kamala we will never experience true freedom in this country
#the democrats would vote for fucking hitler if he was a nice guy im convinced#allow me to break down this silly little “you can't focus on morals people's lives are at risk we have to vote blue to stop trump!!!” thing#first of all people's livelihoods are still at risk even when there is a democrat as president#did you forget about the immigration bill biden and harris signed? or you know a fucking genocide#and if people's livelihoods are at risk then shouldnt we vote with out morals? and you know not for the dems who are famously pro genocide#what is the point of voting if you can't vote for who you actually believe in?#and besides this what in this country was actually accomplished through voting? 99% of the progress made was done through violent resistanc#the only reason shit even made the ballot was because people showed they wouldn't accept things the way they are#which is exactly what you are doing if you vote for kamala harris AKA BIDEN'S FUCKING RIGHT HAND MAN#and you just sound like an extremely selfish person if genocide is not your red line#it just sounds like youre saying “yes they murdered palestinians in gaza :( BUT WHAT ABOUT US AMERICANS!!!!”#as if the democratic party has done anything to protect americans anyways. like my job as a voter is not to get the democrats elected#to mitigate damage caused by republicans. that is the fucking democrats job. it is their job to make me want to vote for them#and until they stop massacring men women and children in gaza they will never get my vote#the democrats could openly announce themselves as extreme bigots towards anyone that isn't a cishet rich white man (which they have before)#and you stupid asses will still tell us to vote for them. how evil do they have to be for you to finally consider another option?#and everyone else in the world gets to have other options but america noooo in america we can only have two parties or else you die#and when a democrat is elected and they send another 1 billion to israel i hope youre prepared to live with the blood on your hands#YOU WANTED THIS YOU ENABLED THIS YOU VOTED FOR THIS#the reality you won't face is that there are more options and you could vote for them but none of you are willing to take that risk#yet youre willing to risk the lives of palestinians the lives of transwoman the lives of every person that bitch threw into prison#you people are so hooked on stopping trump (the democrats meaner twin) youre willing to sacrifice everything you stand for#to elect someone who is just as bad as him but is “polite” while they do it. the democrats will never feel pressure to shift to the left#as long as you idiots continue to accept their move to the right. why should they stop the genocide in palestine when youve proven#you'd vote for them no matter what?#no one’s life improved from trump to biden and the same will be true for kamala but you can keep telling yourself they aren’t the same#i’ll be voting green bc that is what i believe in inshallah you grow a spine and do the same until we’re free from these two satanic partie#and dont tell us youll protest after she's elected what would the point be???#youve shown you'd put her in power no matter why should she respond to the pressure?
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The worst thing about suffering is that it still hurts when the danger is over but no one cares about it anymore because it shouldn't hurt. No one will ever say "I'm sorry that happened to you" especially when they barely say "I'm sorry that's happening."
#Okay to tb btw all the personal stuff is in the tags#Like. Not eating for a week because you couldn't get groceries hurts#and people will say 'oof sorry that's happening' but then#after you're able to get food no one will ever say 'I'm sorry that happened' even though you think about it and hurt from it constantly.#No one will ever say ':( that must have been so hard' because you're fine now right???? No psychological damage there?????#This example is stupid but I do think about it every time I feel hungry. I told people I wasn't able to get groceries#and there was no food in my house. And they said. Oof.#Instead of idk Oh God Are You Okay ??#No one cares when you've been abused your entire life and behave the way you do out of genuine terror because your brain is fucked forever#They don't say 'I'm sorry that happened it must have been really scary to turn you into Such An Asshole. I pity you like a dog :('#Speaking of man everyone loves fucked up abused terrified dogs and wants to be the one who makes them open up#And shows them that people can be good and kind and that touch doesn't have to hurt#But everyone is scared of fucked up abused terrified people#Humans are capable of harm even more than dogs and fear is understandable but.#Can you please call me good boy and shush me and tell me nothing's going to hurt me and let me curl up on your lap#And not hit me if I get scared and start to growl and feed me good and take me on walks and play with me#Even though I'm not very fun to play with and I'm still learning what's fun and what's mean and what's a toy and what's a hand#Plleeeaaase don't be jealous of a dog that doesn't eat good don't say 'tch he's so thin what am I doing wrong'#I want to eat good and grow and gain fat and be warm and be comfortable I don't want this#Don't say 'if abused dogs don't eat good then I don't deserve to either' no no no no eat good so you can take care of us both#Please please please I learned so many tricks to make people happy and call me smart but I don't actually know how to do anything I'm#Literally like such a stupid dog it takes me like one day of no one paying attention to me for me to become un-housebroken#I make a lot of mistakes even though I know better or I really should know better#And sometimes do things wrong on purpose to get attention either yelling or showing me how to do it right#But most of the time I genuinely don't know how to do stuff because I was never taught or I was taught and#My previous owners said 'this is how it is. It is this way because it is and it is forever. The answer is Because.'#'now quit asking repetitive questions before I pop you'#If I do something Because and not know the reason why I'm doing it that's not learning that's acting#Especially habits taught specifically to hurt me and not being allowed to question it or know why I'm being hurt#Oh my god I acted out so much when I was younger and all my friends were so disgusted and hurt by me and yelled at me every day
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i genuinely dont understand the sheer cognitive dissonance to be posting about how masks are soooo soooo important for preventing covid (true!) and then NEVER wearing one yourself irl. are you..... looking forward to catching covid? like are you doing it on purpose? idgi
#text#i mask everywhere including outside so dont try to come for me#are you like. hoping that youre going to get exposed and then infect someone?#i cant imagine anyone WANTS to do that except rly insane antivaxxers#like... why post about how everyone should mask if YOU arent going to mask. are you virtue signaling??#do you just want points for posting about it on social media but not want to have to practice what you preach??#do you actually care about getting yourself sick? like ignoring expoisng other people are you genuinely ok getting covid despite-#-knowing in detail all of the really horrible ways it fucks you up?#why would you share information encouraging other ppl to mask and then not be encouraged yourself??#its a level of cognitive dissonance i dont get#posting about how covid can cause brain damage and how to prevent it. and then. not preventing it#like posting a ton of pro-helmet propaganda and then not wearing a helmet. like what is the point
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like honestly though, some people are so self-absorbed they don’t even notice their skin’s sunk beneath their bones
#shut the actual fuck up#just shut up#people who don’t know when to shut up? the worst#shut up and listen#listen to what i am saying to you about your behavior#how it is rude and damaging#are you even listening to yourSELF??? because if you were you’d hear the exact words you’ve cried on my shoulder over#feel the same cruelty you’re spreading that you’ve gone on endlessly about how you’ve been treated#fucking christ in hell why won’t you even TRY kindness#TRY empathy#TRY understanding how your actions are nasty and belittling and unnecessary#do you even hear yourself#do you even know who you are#i am so fucking done here#i really can’t do this anymore#a bitch speaks!
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peace out, chipspeech fandom!!
UPDATE 2/3/23: the p0rn bots are after this post for some reason. jesus fuck.
ugh. it's about time. yep, ive left the chipspeech fandom for real and i feel GREAT about it.
the twitlonger below details my final thoughts to the fandom, as well as a mini-callout/rant on the people who drove me to leave.
i dont care if i get dogpiled for this, i'm out of here for real.
chip fandom/vsynth fandom or not, spread this, please. many of my friends are scared to talk about this shit and im one of the only few out there now who's still got the courage to speak out on this shit.
#adding on my personal opinion to the person im calling out about in the rant (tws for suicide):#you haven't won. people will find out about your vile past one way or another no matter how much you try to cover it up.#come harass me. come drive me to almost attempting like you did with my friend. come chase everyone who knows the truth about you out.#what have you done to actually change? nothing. YOU ENABLED YOUR FRIENDS TO HARASS A *CHILD* WHO TRIED TO BRING YOUR VILE PAST TO THE LIGHT#YOU ENABLED YOUR FRIENDS TO DRIVE MY FRIEND INTO ALMOST ATTEMPTING SUICIDE. YOU ARE LUCKY XE'S STILL HERE.#and what would happen to you guys if xe actually did attempt and it was successful? did you not ever think about that?#and we're the ones ''harassing'' you?? its called holding you accountable for your actions.#what you did to my friend is one of the EXACT reasons why we didnt want you and your cronies here. why we tried MANY TIMES to kick you out.#you can say all of the evidence provided is all ''outdated''... i just want people to know the damage youve done to my friends... and me.#i can't forgive you. and i never fucking will.#harmony squeaks#harmony rants#chipspeech#plogue chipspeech
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How do u know if its love or mental illness?
#I'm so fucked up in the head#so glad I have therapy later#love#bpd#bipolar#fawn response#like ugh I am so fucking afraid of myself#I take a look at my past 3 relationships and I have absolutely devastated all three of them and I don't want to hurt anyone else#but I'm literally 3 for 3 in the ruining lives department and like okay yeah 1 and 2 eventually got over it and moved on but what if 3#never does? I mean I guess its all so new and raw but like I feel so awful. I feel like I'm never allowed to love again until I can like#not hurt people? but I think we are all always gonna hurt people. ugh love is so stupid I wish I could just turn it off!!#I wish I could just rip it out of my chest and fucking kill fucking beat the shit out of my heart so it never dares to feel or want again#and then I get surprised when I tell people that and they look at me like they're going to cry#why in the world should I be allowed to love?? when it clearly does so much damage??#and then its worse right because then when I love someone I google the symptom of every fucking mental illness imaginable. bpd. bipolar.#adhd. autism. you name it I've searched it. and like I have bipolar so then I start invalidating my own love. I tell myself things like#oh youre just manic and thats making you think that this person is in love with you. oh you're just manic you think you are the center of#everyone's universe. oh you're just manic you aren't actually happy around them they just enable your ugly illness#and then like the things in question that are making me think this as like totally valid and normal things#like oh you're just manic you think they love you- my brother in christ they remember the smallest details about me and always know how to#make me laugh. we can't lock eyes longer than a few seconds before we both smile etc etc etc#but then it gets analytical- you know? bc then my brain is like ok we have to disprove our own personal bartholomuel that nafty brainworm#but you cant logically analyze something like love I don't think#right and then like I'm so deep in this hole of analyzing I start running the simulations of all the damage I'll do if/when it ends poorly#because I'm a piece of shit and I always always always go stir crazy and lose myself in it and panic and try to run and then bury my own#personality and wants and needs bc I want so badly to be loved I subconsciously shape shift myself into their ideal partner#right okay so then I'm minmaxing it- I'm speed running the imaginary relationship in my brain start to finish every single day and living#in a fake scenario where we break up every single day thousands and thousands of times over and none of that even happened#its like- because I have to prove to myself that its pure and genuine love and not mental illness or attachment or pure lust allows this#evil part of my brain to just take over and go hog wild torturing me with all these awful situations that don't even exist!!
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i'm feeling very emo about herculaneum rn bc of that statue post btw
#i'm reading more about it bc i was never taught about it in school#it's a city that was just about 13km away from pompeii and was also buried in the eruption of vesuvius#but it got buried under 5 times as much volcanic ash as pompeii so it was really difficult to excavate#and bc of that because pompeii was easier to get to that city became more famous#real excavation on herculaneum only seriously began in the 1920s and real preservation only began in the 1980s#the city was architecturally and artisticallly beautiful on rival with pompeii and we've retrieved a number of gorgeous statues#but there was a city built near the excavation site that really damaged a lot of the building foundations through water runoff#and a lot of the remains we've found have been sadly damaged by the elements as well on top of being not very well preserved to begin with#so in the 80s italian authorities basically said “start protecting this shit we can't lose this” and officially halted all excavation#to focus instead on preserving what we had already discovered rather than finding new things#and if that isn't just the perfect example of why i love archaeology and sociology#it's not all about what you find and how you find it but how you care for it as well#how are you gonna take this beautiful ancient city that's been gifted to you and say. i'll protect you.#i'll make sure you don't get hurt. i'll make sure your foundations are strong. i'll make sure you're still beautiful.#i'll protect the citizens who called you home once. i'll make sure they're taken care of in death.#i'll make sure that you're respected.#reaching your hand back two thousand years and caring for those people and the things they loved.#fuck man i'm fucking crying over this rn
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…you view choking/breath play as entry level? ya’ll gonna die. seriously.
We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.
#it’s one of the most dangerous kinks out there#you HAVE to have someone experienced#or have to try it out multiple times before introducing it as a kink#and even then you shouldn’t do it very often.#this is why i think fanfic is one of the number one reasons abusive and dangerous kink dynamics are the most common now a days#you can not introduce or even TRY choking unless you make your dom do the research#even if they claim to be experienced.#and it is NOT entry level. you should not be doing it at all in a new kink related dynamic#not unless you’ve known this person for years or they’ve prioritized the safety discussion and types of choking first#THEY should be the ones to bring that up.#i think even as a dom with a new sub you shouldn’t unless you’ve had the talk#there is seriously so much potential for serious damage#if someone tries to pull that out in the middle of sex without having a FULL discussion first stop and pack up your clothes and leave#i like breath play/choking myself and i would NEVER do it with someone who doesn’t know what the fuck they’re talking about#not as a dom OR a sub. if your sub asks for that midsex or in a scene without talking about it first#immediately stop. and consider whether or not you should even continue with the sub.#doms rely on subs to be vocal and active when it comes to their safety in a scene#doms have to know you WILL safe word and won’t just grin and bear it or continue when it feels good even if it hurts you.#if you as a dom accidentally choke someone out and they like it and ask you to do it again you need to dump them#no ifs ands or buts.#it requires experience and a lot of study and safety discussions before even attempting it.#you have to ease into it first and test things#no WAY is it an ‘entry level kink.’ that’s how people fucking DIE.
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You know what really stings? Hearing nigh universally one of the first things people list as a trait in a partner be “Tall”
#even from friends this is one of the top mentioned traits#not everyone is born with the right genes to grow to be tall#some of us are short#but when you hear that that’s one of the top things people are looking for#again#and again#and again and again and again#time after time my whole fucking life#bc what can one even do if your height will get you automatically excluded in another’s mind as potentially worth a shot#heh#may I *should* just get piss drink and be happy nobody wants my autistic ass#even my mum is often telling me she wishes she could just do her life completely differently from the start#and basically that she wishes she never had me#well sorrrry you chose to keep me but fuck how can you not realise#telling your child you wish they were never born#time and time again FUCKING ADDS TO THE LIST OF DAMAGE FROM OTHER PEOPLE THROUGHOUT MY FUCKING LIFE#WHY#SHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT SHIT KNOWING I HAVE DEPRESSION AND ALREADY WISH I WASNT BORN#AND A HISTORY OF SUICIDE ATTEMPTS AND A CASE OF HOSPITALISATION#CUZFUdysruauraruauraristisaaaaaaaaaargh#personal#don’t reblog#please or I’ll skin you alive and bathe you in salty lemon juice#sorry I’m unstable emotionally at the moment#ignore me#or shoot me that’d work swell
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