#like... why post about how everyone should mask if YOU arent going to mask. are you virtue signaling??

[octopodian]

i genuinely dont understand the sheer cognitive dissonance to be posting about how masks are soooo soooo important for preventing covid (true!) and then NEVER wearing one yourself irl. are you..... looking forward to catching covid? like are you doing it on purpose? idgi

[aropride]

long vent post abt covid + my sister

i genuinely dont know when the last time my little sister wasnt sick for more than two weeks was. im trying to remember but i cant . its been almost constant since she got covid in dec2021. and she has all these new allergies and symptoms and stuff she had as a baby came back after. and my parents are like antivax antimask "its just a cold" conspiracy theorists and they arent going to protect her they only got her her mandatory vaccines bc our doctor finally made them and theyre convinced shes always sick bc of the vaccines and not bc of covid. and i know theres nothing i can say or do that will get through to them. and i know my sister doesnt understand Why shes sick all the time so of course shes going to believe our parents because shes a kid why wouldnt she believe them. and i know eventually she'll figure out why shes so sick. when long covid gets talked about more when i figure out how to explain it to her etc eventually she'll find out and it's going to like. ruin her view of our parents and the world at large

and i spent my whole childhood since the day she was born making it like my lifes mission to keep her safe but i had no hope of protecting her against this there was no way i could have done much but my parents could have and should have and now they blame it all on the vaccines its because the doctor gave her vaccines no it isnt!!! no it is not!!! and every time i see her or facetime her or she sends me an audio message i hear the crackle in her throat and i dont know if it will ever go away

and if youre not looking for it youll miss it but if you go in public and sit and listen .youll hear the coughing and sniffling and the crackle in people's throats. i keep my windows open bc my dorm gets too hot and all day i hear people walking by and coughing. my only other covid cautious friend has noticed it. none of my non cc friends have. but i swear to god it's there sit in a library for a few hours and listen it's there it gets worse every year. and nobody even notices and people look at you weird when you mention that everyone's been getting sicker recently

but they are they fucking are ive read the studies ive looked at the data. everyone's sick all the time and they dont even notice it they go "it's the freshman flu" "it's allergies" you arent even a freshman you dont even have allergies. "man ive just been so short of breath recently" then i'm the crazy one if i say the obvious reason for that. i feel fucking crazy i know im not im looking at the studies im looking at the data im learning the science but nobody will listen

i share covid data and protection and everything on instagram all the time im always talking about it because im always thinking about it because i hear it everywhere and nobody listens nobody is masking and i dont understand why i dont understand how - i heard someone cough out my window just now - i don't understand how social pressure can win over the objective truth when the objective truth is killing and disabling people. how do people not care??? i need people to care one-way masking is better than nothing but so much could have been prevented if people would just put on the fucking mask

what am i even supposed to do when everyone's just accepted being sick forever when people dont 'even notice how fucked up their bodies are becoming when people seem to think it could never happen to them and they don't seem to care that they can and will pass it to other people even if they never are symptomatic . how are we supposed to live like this??? are we going to reach a breaking point or are people just going to fucking die forever??? what will it take for people to start masking again??? to start caring???

i dont know what infection number my sister is on. three that i know of for sure but i'd be shocked if she hadn't had it at least five times. shes thirteen . i dont know what to do

[its-no-biggie]

hmm havent been rvb posting much..... time to talk about simmons and caboose! cause a while ago i saw a post saying that simmons and caboose are on "opposite ends of the autism spectrum", which is SO true and i wanna talk about the different ways theyre each autistic coded.

[apparently i am incapable of writing a reasonable length post, sheesh]

bc like. simmons is what people typically think "mild" autism looks like. textbook "aspergers". theres a reason im using terms that arent used by the autistic community, and its because autistic people arent the ones who make these kinds of distinctions. this is autism as seen by neurotypicals: socially awkward, smart in one area of expertise but talks about it a little too much, annoyingly pedantic at times.... you get the idea. and while these are autistic traits that i can relate to, i feel like caboose is a better representation of what it feels like to actually have autism. like, he has an easier time making friends with robots than people, he never understands whats going on except for the time travel in season 17, where hes the ONLY one who understands it. he doesnt understand figurative language, constantly misses obvious social cues or breaks unwritten rules that everyone should know, and has a very hard time lying, deceiving, or keeping information from people.

and i think the reason caboose is more relatable even though simmons is more "textbook" autistic, is because caboose is written as DISABLED. he has a hard time following simple conversations. he cant understand things that should be obvious. everyone around him is constantly frustrated because "why cant he just DO it??" so even if his symptoms dont line up exactly with autism (especially since the way hes written changes over the course of the show), at the end of the day, autism is a disability. so personally, i relate a lot more with him and his struggles than someone like simmons, who is awkward and "weird", but doesnt really seem to struggle with day to day life.

in short: simmons is what masked autism (especially if you have a useful special interest, like computers) looks like from an outside perspective. a little awkward, talks too much, but smart where it counts. generally "useful", and mostly "normal". but caboose is what it feels like to grow up with autism. always confused, everyone treats you like youre different and you cant really do anything about it, cant seem to get along with anyone even though you just want to be friends, and no matter what you do, you screw up everything you touch.

anyway im not saying that simmons isnt autistic, or that hes "less" autistic (bc that isnt a thing lol). simmons just masks a lot better than caboose. thats what an autistic person pretending to be "normal" acts like (its certainly how i act around other people lmao). but because hes not written by an autistic person, they write him like thats all there is to it. which is kind of unfortunate because it feels like theres a whole other side to him that we never really get to see.

now, the fact that the writers set out to write a nerd and wrote an autism stereotype, and set out to write a dumbass and wrote someone who is clearly disabled..... that is a whole separate conversation that im not gonna get into. especially since i dont really know much about rooster teeth, aside from the fact that the fandom seems to have wholly rejected them, and of course what i can see just from watching the show. but i think its clear that its not exactly good representation.

anyway, i still hc them both as autistic, and if/when i write them, i hope my interpretation reflects that while still being true to the characters. it actually works out great for me that theres one autistic person on each team, because whenever im thinking of dialogue and i have an idea thats a little too autistic (like saying something really blunt or picking up on a pattern most people wouldnt notice) i can usually give it to one of them instead of writing it out entirely. which works out really well for caboose especially, because he tends to be quiet during exposition unless hes addressed (bc he cant follow it). so having him make autism commentary can break up all the "blue team problems" nicely. plus having him innocuously call people out when theyre being ambiguous is WAY funnier than "haha caboose doesnt know whats going on" imho

[cosmicanger]

I’ve noticed a lot of fashion/art/etc blogs with a specific “aesthetic” post Palestinian quotes, art, photos and so on to fit the theme of their little blog……. and then move on from the ongoing genocide the next few days. Like they’re posting just for people to notice, not even reblogging posts with ACTUAL info, actual links for donations and boycotting and so on. Like it’s all for show. And then they get to move on. At that point, just dont post anything at all?..

(received 3 nov 2023)

yea all of the platformed Black folks and nonblacks in general who are too scared to say they fight for Palestinian liberation and didn’t make any post about the genocide until around October 18–20 can fuck off forever. Black people tried to warn y’all that neoliberalism was gonna defang the movement and a lot of people on tumblr are going to virtue signaling AT BEST and no one listened. but these the same people who stopped masking w n95 or better because Genocide Joe and CDC said it was “safe” and the pandemic is “over.” These are the same people who cant take a basic hot take on antiBlackness and identity politics online, These the same people that don’t know about de-arresting, kettling or productive, disruptive nonviolent action; all they know is aimless marches and clout chasing through “empathy.” “You can see who is being silent or neutral to maintain their resource & clout, who will sustain or even gain clout for being vocal right (they know they will never say, lose their job or get arrested for being vocal or who would have a low bail; there are Black people who still in jail for 2014 actions…). You can see who is being vocal because they have nothing to lose or they risk their livelihoods because they earnestly care about the violence oppressed and marginalized people go through globally.” Not saying everyone being vocal is full of shit but most don’t have range to connect all the violence in the world together. “trust it’s free palestine forever but a lot of these accounts dedicating their time to palestine don’t have any political framework that includes ALL freedom movements and a lot of them are antiblack and that is just… not doing the work. we need to see systems and movements as connected. u can’t say free palestine and then try to silence black people when they bring up the way the free palestine movement is entangled with our struggles. u can’t say free palestine and then ignore what’s happening in the congo. u can’t say free palestine then harass a black trans woman. if ur not condemning ALL genocide then wtf is the point.” “it's kinda funny how none of y'all will make the connection between how you regard black people online with malice and instantaneous bad faith and why the genocides being carried out against black people are comparatively neglected in people's thought and action. it's kinda funny how none of y'all will make the connection between how you regard black people online with malice and instantaneous bad faith and why the genocides being carried out against black people are comparatively neglected in people's thought and action.” The only people I believe when they are vocal about Palestine are Palestinians in the region facing genocide and ethnic cleansing and the people who arent Palestinians were vocal about violence around the world before Oct 7th, didn’t wait a week to condemn Israel’s genocidal govt until it was “safe” to do so later into October and who still mask w n95 or better; the rest are virtue signaling to me. not lost on me that most of these nonviolent actions have been maskless and excluded disabled people but the few actual disruptive nonviolent actions have been the most masked with the least amount of people. most people making noise rn aint about that life and like you said should stfu and stop posting but they wont so

[mariska]

hello tumblr friends who live in my phone i just wanted to pop in real quick and let everyone know that I Am (somehow) Still Alive since i mentioned being very sick last month and did not want anyone 2 think i had finally Expired. wish i could say i'm doing better this month but while im definitely nowhere near as miserable as i was in April, i've been spending this month trying to deal with Sickness Aftershocks that have been making all of my long term autoimmune diseases/health issues in general flare up randomly really bad at pretty much completely random times and i also have a whole new fun set of similar feeling but definitely different and 100x worse physical health problems and its been extremely difficult to try and power through all of it like i'm used to doing for the 26 years i have been alive 😔 but i'm still hangin in there. idk how at this point lmao. subconscious fight or flight survival mode i guess. i'm like 99% sure i somehow caught one of the new covid mutations in April unfortunately despite the lifelong Agoraphobia and 3+ years of effort i've done to do literally everything in my ability to stay protected against it but. thats life i guess, u leave the house one or two times masked up hand sanitizer ready to go sweating from being overheated wearing clothes that cover as much of ur skin as u can stand and other people just Dont. so. i knew it would probably happen to me eventually i just was really hoping it would not! but. i will continue surviving as best i can because i dont have any other option or choice. but that is why i've unintentionally been distant here and online in general. it was already extremely difficult getting myself out of bed and taling showers and changing clothes and brushing my teeth and remembering to eat food and drink water before but now its reached a difficulty that i literally can't have any control over most of the time and its a lot of physical/mental/emotional effort to even tap reblog on a post online or respond to a text more so than it was previously. which again was already. very difficult to power through.

anyways! uh! yeah. life update i guess. i hope you guys are genuinely doing much better than i am this year and i hope you're all able to stay safe and as relatively healthy as you can. and please please please please at the very least wear some form of a face mask in public even if you're outside and not in a tiny building. i dont say that to shame anyone here i just feel like there are a lot of well meaning good people who arent fully aware that in the US at least the pandemic is very much not over and people like myself are suffering and dying because of that and we cant be the only group of people that are still doing our best to stay protected when we have to leave the house. if you're able to get some i highly recommend N95 type face masks because supposedly they offer one of the best chances of protection as long as you're wearing it correctly and it fits your face well; there's a really great non-profit organization called Project N95 that has an official website and a huge list of various face masks in a bunch of different sizes and types to order if you don't know where to find some high quality ones and they also have a form you can fill out and submit to request an order of free masks if you can't afford to buy them; their money donation pool goes towards providing masks (and some air purifiers i think?) to low income people/organizations/work places that doesn't have the funds or resources to constantly buy expensive batches of masks and their website is super detailed and well organized and has a long list of visual and written resources and information about different mask types, ways you can help keep yourself/your community safe, etc. so i highly recommend them if you are like me and are very stressed and anxious and confused about all of that information all the time. their site should be the at the top of the search results if you google N95 Project, it has a dot org site url so thats another way you can tell its the official site.

[diariesof-kg]

Recap - Last Thoughts.

Before I go into exciting things.  I wanted to recap on this friend situation.  I was trying to figure out why a person would feel such a way to this extent.  I remember, when I took my girlfriend to Disneyland for Vday, I sent the photo of us to my ex-friend and she said, “it looks like you are more into her than she than she is into you....”  There are a lot of things that were said as I begin to process things.  Maybe I am thinking too deep into it?  We did post each other on snapchat a lot as friends enjoying life and I remember this one chick, who still has a crush one me, was like “that’s your gf...?” and I sent her the screenshot, maybe I fed into her desires without knowing?  I am always blamed for everything really.  I think my mistake is oversharing?  Hiding your happiness is detrimental to your mind.  Honestly, I am unsure why I suffer so much from things I have no control.  I remember posting, “I love you....” and the pictures from Disneyland Vday, night and my sister DMs me and was like, “why are you saying that, you aren’t together.”  I don’t know why things get to me, honestly.  Everything bothers me.  I did a whole decorative room and my sister was like, “that’s doing a lot for someone you arent with.”  These are things my partner has no knowledge and can’t comprehend why I just cry everyday.  No one’s opinions should matter, but it still hurts.  And then I have the other side of my friends that tell me, they wish someone did what I do.  But yall in 5 year relationships and I can’t even reach one year.  

My marriage is going to end up at the courthouse at this point.  I feel like I am removing myself out of people’s lives faster than I thought.  I thought after my mom’s passing I’d want to hold everyone closer, but that’s not the case.  I feel like ill be lonely forsure.  I miss who I was before my mom passed.  A lot of things I am speaking about, I wouldn’t even be giving it that kind of energy, because it wouldn’t bother me.  She died and a chunk of my heart went missing.  And no one cares how I feel at this point.  The numbness is getting worse I think?  Maybe I should fake it and be happy?  Do what Robin Williams had done majority of his life until the very end.  I can mask the negative energy temporarily.  I am sensitive when it comes to words.  I am not sure why.  Maybe I’ll never understand it.  But I do wish people would be more gentle about how others feel, maybe people would less likely feel the way they feel.  Maybe I’ve grown to be more optimistic about things despite what is present.  When I read messages questioning what I am doing or why I feel the way I feel, it bothers me I assume.  Just let me post, my happiness and I love yous without making me feel like I shouldn’t.  It’s strange how I can post other things and my Dms are dry but I post love and pictures and it’s “huh? you love who?”  But then people are wishing me to find someone and wishing happiness for me, but when I get it, it’s negative.  I’d have to prepare myself for having no friends if thats the direction, the candlework guides me.  I told my partner, she’d be my only friend, and it felt weird but calming to say it.  

----- 05_06_23

Might I say the least, I don’t think anyone wants me to be happy.  It’s better when I am like this, I suppose.  Sad, weak, vulnerable.  Gosh I miss my mom so much!!  I legit have no one to ask advice to anymore.  My mom always gave her unbiased opinions and never made me feel guilty for the choices I made.  Everyone I feel a way towards has died down a little.  I’m slightly feeling better.  I’m scared to interact with people again.  Kind of weird saying that.  I know I am a disease walking, and it sucks but I just want to stay inside my house and wither away.  I know people suggest going outside for a walk, but even then I’m infecting people around me with my energy.  I kind of don’t want to speak to my sister again; kind of don’t want to speak to others either.  Kind of just want to be with my girlfriend in peace.  Not sure if that makes sense.  If I decide to come back, maybe I will create a new IG that no one knows about and I can post, without feeling like I am wrong?  It’s weird how this world thrives on negativity.  Dies with negativity.  It’s sad.  I guess parts of me wish we really followed the cliche "don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you; It is vitally important to treat others as we want others to treat us.” I mean, I’d never do the things people have done to me.  It doesn’t make me a saint, but it does display my character as pure and truthful.  I love when I see love.  I love when others post themselves and their significant other.  

I’d never do what my ex-friend has done, lie and/or speak ill about her.  Whatever we have going on is between me and her, I wouldn’t have said shit to the other girls.  As for everyone else, I wouldn’t of said things whether it was jokes or not.  I wouldn’t have made yall feel hurt either.  I’d be excited for your new love life and wouldn’t care if you spent thousands of dollars on your person, I’d be celebrating with you, not questioning why you are doing something and if it is too soon.  Unless yall know something that I don’t, than tell me the truth in that aspects instead of being passive aggressive about it.  I’ve never emotionally, physically cheated on anyone in my entire life and I don’t judge what yall be doing.  I’m not speaking to exs behind my partners back and meeting up and shit. *sorry for this rant* Ke’Anna doesn’t do hurtful shit period.  So please stop the commentary.  If I propose at six months, I’m sure yall would have something to say about that, but you wouldn’t know, because we don’t speak anymore.  Should I start posting screenshots?  I’m already the bad guy so I mean, call me the joker, because I am about to make everyone smile.

[threepointseven]

Hii, thanks for doing my last OM commission!! Can you do Leviathan being a huge fan of a singer, and that singer turns out to be the human exchange student and he's like all over the place? `

Pairings: Leviathan X reader

Gender neutral reader!

Notes- hello!!! Thank you so much for all the support and the requests u seriously appreciate it, i wrote this in school so i hope you enjoy it!

Also this is a note for everyone who wants to request, please specify what type of writing you want it to be:( like do you want it to be fanfics or HC’s

-your beloved 3.7

—/////——//////—//-/—————-

It was a normal day before you got summoned to devildom. Where your entire life as a singer would change, courtesy of a particular blue haired devil.

The moment you got summoned to devildom panic set in, where were you? Who are these people? How did i get here?

As you were asked questions you spotted a blue haired man not paying attention to anything, hasnt even taken one glance at you.

You were confused before he finally spoke

“Are we done here??? Y/N is gonna have their singing live in a few minutes!!”

Y/N..? Me..? But i havent said my name yet…

“Did you say my name..?”

I asked the man with the bright blue hair

“What? I said Y/N-“

I caught the mans starstruck face as he lifted his head and saw me.

He looked as if he had seen a ghost!

“A—ah— Y-Y/N?!?!”

He shouted in excitement and took a firm hold of my shoulders

“Y/N?!?! YOUR THE NEW EXCHANGE STUDENT?! THE Y/N?!”

“A-Ah, yes?”

I could see his face flow with a bright red blush, standing out on his pale skin.

His mouth agape as he tripped on his words, it was cute almost.

“Wait wait wait wait but- no this- this is all wrong you’re supposed to be in the human world getting ready to post a live of your new song—“

“Quite the fan arent you?”

I let out a small smile as the mans blush turned brighter

“Levi what is with you? Do you know Y/N?”

Lucifer, the man who explained to me why im here asked ‘levi’

“Who doesnt?!” Levi practically protests

Levi’s expression looks adorable, his serious calm mask falters as he trips over his words and messes up his sentences.

“Then levi, why dont you help us with touring them around the area?”

The sin of pride said as he insisted that Levi tours me.

Levi, a little fanboy.

As i walk around these menacing halls of my new dorm my eyes are locked on Levi’s squeals of joy.

“Y/N, this is Levi’s room”

“NO! D-Dont go in there.”

Levi’s hand scramble to make sure we dont enter his room. Whats gotta be so bad about a room?

I hear Lucifer sigh as he effortlessly pushes levi away from his door and opens it

Ah.

As i enter his room i can see walls littered with posters and figurines, there are even a few posters of me, and from the corner of my eye i catch limited edition merch i only had 35 pieces of.

“Y’know i only sold 35 pieces of this merch, you must really like my music.. thank you-“

I swear he’s on the verge of tears as he pouts at his brothers.

“I-i just really like your music and you and it really makes me happy and i feel like i should support you in every way i can-“

He speeds through his words as i chuckle at the man.

“Im sure we’re going to be great friends levi.”

I smirk as i pat his head causing his eyes to turn glassy as his brothers tease him to no end.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

More Divaz confos

Mod: Round two of these, previously: link. There’s some interesting customer reviews in this batch (5 and 8) which may be useful to readers.

1.Vic3mage "the secret bjdivaz vip group is just pictures of boxes coming in and going out". Yeah, between the bitching about d0llshe, asking people to post on doa for them, dunking on ex-customers, posting pics of random doll parts that they can't identify which doll they're supposed to go with, whining about how little money they make, whining when ppl e-mail them, whining. Yeah, other than that it's just boxes, and alpacas u can buy off amazon anyway lol.

~Anonymous

2.The butthurt users crying and guilttripping under every Divaz confession who have never been seen before elsewhere on this blog are extremely unsuspicious and unproblematic and definitely unconnected to Divaz and unbiased in every possible way

/s

~Anonymous

3.idk shit abt bjd1vas but v1cemage i can absolutely tell you the shit about ch0o is 100% accurate, fucker's got a long, long history of being an awful little man that stretches well beyond his involvement in the doll community. between the two i'd still trust bjd1vas over ch00 ch00 the fool any day!

~Anonymous

4.The Z3st and Div4s thing is really silly and both entities were being shady but did they really have to take the DZ waiting room down with them? :( He had even made a separate thread about it......

~Anonymous 

5. RE: BJD Divaz

I’ve been a customer of BJD Divaz since they first started, when it was only run by Chart3rline. I even contacted other BJD companies trying to persuade them to work with Divaz as their US representative. Most declined because they didnt like D's commission fee, but I was able to persuade a few of them.

I asked them to purchase a doll off DOA because I couldnt afford the asking price, and while they did, I found out later that instead of agreeing to purchase the seller's price, they negotiated the price to be lower. This significantly cheaper price was not passed down to me. I paid the full price +the commission fee based on that full price. I am disappointed I was not told this. This is when I stopped viewing them as a "friend" and instead, as a business. I dont hold this against them, it’s context to what Im going to say later.

I’ve stopped purchasing from D after my recent order from them. This company usually takes 3 or less months to make a doll. I’ve ordered the doll from D and it took 11 months. They let me know it arrived to them in March and that it will be shipped soon, except it only shipped on July, and only after I sent them several "reminder" emails. Before people in the comments try to put the blame on me for not sending a reminder soon, please keep in mind that I acknowledged the email in March and confirmed everything and they keep stressing to not send them emails because they are busy, I’ve emailed once every month since. I’ve since switched to ACBJD and Ive been happy with communication and the dolls ordered. I imagine ACBJD gets the same amount of emails, but they dont berate their customers if they email more than once.

I regret when people wanted a D0llshe, but not deal with him, I always recommended D. I would warn people of ordering directly and instead go through D. They assured buyers they would be handling communication and all the efforts so they wouldnt worry, except they didn’t. A person that I’ve recommended D to, who surpassed 2 years, keeps messaging me for help because D wouldnt reply to their emails. She is respectful, sweet and a timid person, not a Karen. This person, emailed D without a reply so would email a week later, only to be told that their email would be pushed down to the bottom if emailed again. No response, so she goes to FB and IG, who both tell her to email because they arent the person running orders. Finally got a response that they would get their refund, after D0llshe sends D's payment, but minus the PP fees. 3 months later and theres no refund, only a promise of them getting it later. Why is the customer missing out on fees when they have no doll? Customer emails d0llshe and he says he cant offer refund, because they didn’t order through them, which is understandable, but when all options are out for a customer, do you blame them for chargebacks?

If anyone files a chargeback, D will be blacklisting them from every company they rep, as in blacklisting you from buying direct from those companies. I urge everyone who has negative experiences with D to email the companies they rep instead of venting on confession blogs, and writing your experiences on social media. Make it count and send letters to the companies they represent, and please provide proof because they will try to make you out to be a liar.

Speaking of, they made vague posts on cl0ver singing for charging paypal fees, and that they offer guarantees as an official dealer, except when offering refunds, to non delivered products I might add, they are keeping the fees, and offered no help with d0llshe, even before they ended their dealership with them. Someone on DOA was told to not email them unless the wait time surpassed 1.5 years. They are even so petty that they post screenshots with the full name and address (dox) of the customer on purpose and then delete it out a day later as if they just realized their "mistake".

Before you try to make excuses for them about the fires, keep in mind, I am dealing with a business. The lower price negotiation with the DOA sale, I am in no way obligated to give them a pass or treat them as a friend when they made it clear that our relationship is strictly business. Their issues, are not my issues. D0lk got dragged for not shipping in time, others, including artisans, got dragged for being so late with communication and sending back refunds for cancelled orders. Why does D get to be exempt?

The supporters are the worst part of this, because of instead of being honest so D can improve, they support them for being "real". For example, look how micemage words it, to make it seem like this criticism is from one person, when there are people on addicts who didn’t have good experience. Check the bjd dealers tag here, you will see the supporters in the comments going off on any and all criticism of D. Some have sane comments, but the majority are cult like and try to identify the person venting as if it’s one person. Addicts deletes threads with criticism asking people to instead direct it to their feedback group; which lets be honest, no one is going to do because its "not that bad", and most dont want to join a new group, which is mostly dead.

This is my first and last confession on D, I’ve emailed each company they rep and told them my experience as well as contacting the 3 month wait company, with screenshots of my order, how they handled it, and the excuse they used to put blame on the company for being so late (package arrived march to D, 4 months to be shipped is on D, not the company). I’m not using company or order details because I know they are petty enough to try to identify me and publicly shame me like they have to others. This and the threat of suing is why not many people like to go public with their experience. They just keep feedback neutral, move on and never deal with again.

~Anonymous

6. Listen, I can't take you seriously in regards to BJD!vas because you're posting on a confession blog. If you were serious, you would have posted in buyer beware groups, DoA reviews or the board to get things resolved, or you would have made a complaint to the BBB. And your language makes you come off more as someone with an agenda rather than someone who is trying to warn people. If shipping is the issue, stop buying with standard shipping and pay the extra price for express shipping. I saw one of you complain that it sat with them for 20 days; that's probably because you're not the only one and they more than likely have a queue to check and then ship out. Do mistakes happen? Yes, because we're human. I've been in this hobby for a few years now and it seems like most people know you're going to have to wait, sometimes even outside the expected wait time. And shipping something as big as a doll is a timely endeavor. I shouldn't have to say that.

My point is simply to stop complaining on an confession board and either take it to the places previously mentioned. Posting here behind the anonymous mask makes you sound like a petulant child who didn't get their way right away.

~Anonymous

7.My only issue with BJD Divaz is how I never get any updates. Every email, they tell me to join their facebook page for status updates. I dont have a FB and I dont want to create one. I bought my doll through their website, updates should be posted on their website, or they could send me an email. That isnt asking much.

~Anonymous

8. Since there seems to be a lot of either "completely negative everything sucks" or "everything was sunshine and rainbows" confessions about bjd!vaz I thought I'd chime in with a neutral review.

PROS

-They were always polite and professional in their emails, and gave me very detailed answers to my questions.

-I got exactly what I ordered, so no mix ups or missing parts or anything like that.

-I think them being forthcoming about personal issues (only one person on staff, illness, the flooding isue etc.) on social media is good, since it keeps customers updated as to why there might be delays.

-If you live in the US their shipping is very reasonable.

CONS

-Reply times were varied. Sometimes it could take over a week, sometimes a couple hours.

-My order took about 10mo which, when comparing to other people who ordered through the same company around the same time, was about 3x as long as if I bought it direct and 2x as long if I had gone through a different dealer. I get some of the waiting time is out of their control, but it was kind of ridiculous.

-They dont necessarily ship the same day they send you a tracking number. I wish they said something like, "Here's your tracking number, our pickup is Xday so it should start moving after that" just so I could be aware.

All in all no major complaints. I got my doll and all that. Their lone employee is clearly overwhelmed. I hope they hire another person, if only to give the one a break.

Truthfully, I most likely won't buy through them again. I'd rather pay the international shipping and go direct, than deal with the extensive wait time. I'd still recommend them to someone looking for a very long layaway, though. I paid in full, but if I had a 12mo layaway I would've never known they weren't ready to ship my doll until month 10.

~Anonymous

[gayspock]

I see you posting Odo and I'm curious: What do you think about Odo autism? I've heard a lot of autistic ppl relate to him and I was sceptical but now watching ds9 I'm kinda relating to him in that way soo. Julian and Odo autistic kings? (And honestly everyone else on ds9 as well but we'll leave that analysis for later 😳) sory for the long ask

i say autism bc im autistic and i like him and thats what happens to any fictional cunt i like 😁 but ehrm here's my lil strings of thoughts

BUT fr! no, no, no- i see it. granted, it still does feel like super early days for me to write anything truly indepth on that - not to mention, that kinda thing isnt my forte (i just talk to meself a lot innit<3 and those thoughts arent always so coherent or wonderfully put) but i think its like...

well, tip of the iceberg: he's an alien, yah? and quite specifically, one not amongst his kind - and therefore kind of an outsider, who doesn't have a blueprint on how he's supposed to be. and instead, he has to try and integrate into a predominantly humanoid society. and that setup really lends itself to, like, being analogous with autism narratively. LIKE... it's kind of a thing, isnt it, honestly, where aliens (and androids/ai too!) are often incidentially read as autistic. which sometimes that's- yknow. i'll drop a thought on that at the end. BUT, spock and data are the obvious examples - even if u strip back some of their more "stereotypical autistic mannerism" or whatever. bc this idea of, like... learning social standards, as odo would have had to, yeah.

but furthermore. he's quite lliterally being taught to redefine his existence, to present as humanoid. you can read that as a metaphor for masking, easy. and granted - i havent even finished this ep yet - but with how The Alternate elaborates a bit more on his past... i know a lot of autistic people (myself included) have had a traumatic experience with being forced to mask in certain ways. being pushed into it, because it's what's best for us as Dr Mora says - even though the "best" is just the expectation of how a person should act, which is totally arbitrary.

and with Dr Mora, also, you can extrapolate more parallels: with how he insists that Odo wasn't ready to be let out into society, that he wouldn't cope on his own, that he wasn't yet meeting this necessary standard, that he won't be accepted and accomodated for... and again lotsa ppl ik have that experience!

and it's not just that. i think... ok, going back to data and spock: again i say they're very "stereotypically autistic" in their mannerisms. yknow how it is. odo doesn't always read so overtly, but there's some habits he has? that i think also apply.

cant remember what episode it was. but it was, ehrm.... he was talking about lying and how he could tell ppl were doing it- and the way he analysed ppl was, like, by cataloguing very specific movements. not emotions or expressions. instead he methodically deconstructed it.

and... with justice. ok. personal fave there bc he does have a fixation on it? and idk- I GET THAT TOO, YAH? unsure if one track minded is the most appropriate term, bc its not like a lack of nuance even if it sometimes feels like tht to ppl... but that kinda thought process.

and just general social mannerisms. some detachment tht i also kinda vibe with. and when lwaxana came onto him and he LITERALLY had no clue what to even do, bc he was so outta his depth like - OKAY, SAME BESTIE? SAME, SAME, SAME... and again these lil bits at the end are all more, like. small lil things that i dont think are indicative full stop but i do find they RESONATE, yknow!!!!!!

SO YEAH LIKE. MY POINT IS. i see where ppl are coming from!! me too<3 i'd like a lil autstic reading of odo 😁

(BUT: as i did briefly say earlier... i am verastile with, like, autistic readings when it comes to inhuman characters. and the same applies to gender/sexuality, actually - although i find it easier to explain why with the latter as thats a lil different for sure. basically im v much of the omg yesss soooo true bestie when it comes to my own projections and most other ppl's but also there are . yknow . sticking points when it comes to using inhuman behaviour as a parallel for autism that makea me go 🤨 which i mention in PASSING bc idk if i can unpack that whole moving van of stuff by myself in a silly little aside but YOU KNOW. just feels like some comment on tht has to be said here since im going on a big long rambley anyways 😁

[peachiikawa]

Fly | Route Selected: O. Tooru

genre: mafia au, choose your own adventure

warnings: honestly nothing too bad in this route

word count: 3.1k

Fly Masterlist

“I choose--”

But before you could even finish your sentence, the front door opened and an arm draped around your shoulders

“They’ll be with me”

You looked to see who had just walked in and were stunned to see such a beautiful man

“Very funny oikawa, now let them go. This is a personal matter”

Daichi took a step forward and you could feel the tension in the air

But the silence was broken with a chuckle from oikawa

“Dont worry so much daichi. They arent just a threat to you theyre a threat to the entire community so to make your burden easier ill gladly take them in. you have better things to worry about anyways”

The smile on his face was far from a friendly one

Even you could tell it was a bit condescending and it made you a bit scared

He led you out the door but not before turning his head one last time

“Tell your old man seijou gives their regards”

With that he led you to his car and got you buckled in

“Now where do you live..?”

“My name is y/n and i live down the street and around the block”

He drove you home and made sure you got into your apartment

“Come in tomorrow whenever youd like, preferable before noon though. Heres my card if you have any questions. Goodnight y/n!”

He kept the conversation brief and didnt look back as he left

As soon as you closed the door you leaned against it and slid down onto the ground

Just what had you gotten yourself into?

You couldnt really sleep that night knowing that in the morning you were going to be working with the mafia

So you took an early shower and got to the address on the card oikawa gave you the night before around eight o’clock

You took a nervous breath before walking into the gigantic corporate building

‘Seijoh Industries’

The company had a long reputation of being in the modeling and fashion industry

It scared you to think that so many big companies were involved in who knows what else

You pushed the glass doors open and immediately got lost

Like how do you even navigate the inside of this building???

It wasnt long before you got stopped

...by some guy with blonde hair with lines in them

Was he trying to look like a tennis ball??

As he steps toward you you take one back until youre against a wall

“What the fuck are you doing here? Youd better leave. Now”

You feel like your stomach is about to drop before you hear that all too familiar voice

“Maddog what are you doing to y/n! Its their first day you shouldnt be so mean”

Oikawa grabbed your hand and led you down the hall to a pristine office

He sat down behind his desk and organized a few papers for you

“Youre here bright and early. I was half expecting you to just not show up”

His eyes glanced up from the papers in his hands for a brief moment

“But im glad you did it would have been a..hassle to find you”

The way that sentence came out of his mouth with that smile on his face sent a shiver down your back

He handed you a few papers and a list of tasks to do

Most of which consisted of you running errands and organizing some cabinets around the building

“Finish those and if you get done with that before the end of the day you can do whatever. Just dont poke your nose where it doesnt belong”

The smile on his face never left once your entire conversation and it left you with a weird feeling in your gut

As you turned to leave you just couldnt shake the weird feeling you got every time you saw it

But you went on your way, trying not to think about it too hard

You did each task with ease and you really thought that some of them were a bit unnecessary since most of the things on the list were already done

It was almost therapeutic doing normal things, it at least made you feel less nervous

It didnt take you long before you finished your tasks

“Hey you”

You jumped at the sound of someone’s voice and slowly turned towards a man with short and spiky brown hair

He held out a couple of papers to you

“I need you to make a few copies of these and then bring them to trashykawa”

Your eyebrows furrowed and he noticed your confusion

“I mean Oikawa. Sorry, force of habit. Im Iwaizumi by the way. I work over in communications''

You fumbled with the papers in your hands, trying to get a grip before he noticed how nervous you were

His sharp eyes were fixed on you which made you even more self-conscious 

You let out a shaky breath before introducing yourself

“Im y/n. Its my first day working here”

He nodded his head

“Yeah well just lay low if you want to survive this mess. Ill see you later y/n.”

A few weeks go by and it seems to be the same thing filling your days

This place wasnt as scary as you first thought and everyone seemed nice enough

The beeping from the copy machine brought you back to reality from your daydream and headed back to oikawas office

Though you had been here for almost a month now, it never got easier to be around him

Something was just too off putting about him

You took a deep breathe before knocking on the door to which you got a muffled “come in”

He didnt look up as you set the papers on his desk and only looked back up at you when he didnt hear your leave

He took off the glasses he was wearing and set them down in front of him

“Can i help you with something?”

Again, that smile on his face just...didnt feel right

“I was done with my work, is there anything else I can do for you?”

He just shook his head

“That should be it for me! Why dont you go see if iwa needs anything?”

You could tell that he wanted nothing more than to have just a moment to himself

And the constant flow of people probably didnt help

“This might be bold of me to say but that smile you wear around people...you dont need to put up any false pretenses around me. I know my situation and I know it isnt all sunshine and rainbows so feel free to be yourself around me. So one last time, before I go, do you need anything?”

His eyes were wide at what you just said

You had only been here for what? A few weeks? With minimal contact as well

So how did you notice?

The only other person whos ever called him out on it was iwaizumi

And he hated being read like this but he kept that smile up

“Nope im fine”

You nodded and left, closing the door behind you

And as soon as you did he threw his pen down on his desk and held his head in his hands

How...how did you see through him

He had carefully made this mask of his so that no one would be able to see how he was feeling

Emotions were a weakness

He didnt need them

And he sure as hell didnt need you

The next week he made it his mission to completely ice you out

No contact at all

And it made you kind of frustrated

The man steals you away from the other mafia you almost became affiliated with and just throws you to the side?

So you went to him after him doing whatever he could to make sure he avoided you

The man literally had tennis-head outside of his office to scare you away

“What are you doing”

The sudden voice behind you almost made you scream

“Oh iwaizumi! Dont scare me like that!”

You smacked his shoulder as you two hid around the corner from oikawas office

“If you must know im trying to get into oikawas office. I'm sick of his avoiding me like im the plague”

Iwaizumi let out a deep sigh

He knew why oikawa was avoiding you

And he also thought it was a little much

Wasnt it about time he stopped being scared?

“Tell you what y/n, ill distract kenta and while i do you can sneak into oikawas office”

Your eyes sparkled and he almost wanted to laugh

“Really?!” 

He nodded and patted your head

“Get that idiot out of his funk”

He then walked up to kenta and walked off with him, giving you a thumbs up behind his back

And when they were out of sight you knocked on oikawas door and didnt wait for him to respond before barging in

To say he was shocked was an understatement

“What are you-”

“Stop. Before you go on about how youre busy just please listen to me. I dont know what i did to deserve this amount of avoidance but if its about what i said that day, i dont regret what i said. And i wish you would stop avoiding your problems and just confront them”

Confront his problems?

What the hell do you know about his problems

“So you came in here to tell me that? What the fuck do you know about me? Youre just some street rat that poked their nose where it didnt belong. You dont know me so stop trying to tell me what to fucking do! Emotions make you weak and i dont need that”

At this point he had you backed against a wall

And when he realized what just happened he pushed himself away from you

God what the hell was he even doing

Hes spent years perfecting his facade

And then you come barging in and it just breaks?

You slowly approached him and put a hand on his shoulder

“See? Was that so bad? Honestly, seeing you like that was refreshing. Feel free to keep the mindset that emotions make you weak, i wont try to convince you otherwise. Thats a realization you need to make on your own but for now please dont hold back around me”

For the first time in a while oikawas heart stood still, almost as if he could feel himself again

“Whatever. I still have paperwork to do so leave or make yourself useful”

He shrugged your hand off of him and went back to his desk

You just smiled and nodded your head

“Ill be back with a coffee for you!”

And when you exited you bumped into the back of kentarou

“Ah sorry! Ill be back!”

As you ran off kenta took a step toward you

“What the hell..get back here!”

But before he could take another oikawa cleared his throat

“You can leave your post mad-dog. Youre no longer needed here”

Kenta nodded his head but was too shocked to move for a moment, caught off guard by the small smile that lingered on his boss’ face

The couple weeks after that you were allowed back in his office and he even started to request your presence at times for no other reason than he just wanted you to sit in the room with him

And that smile he used to give you was now replaced by a soft, genuine smile that made your heart flutter

Little things started to become more noticeable to you

Like how cute it was when he pouted his lips when he was really focused

And honestly he was too

Your smile was maddening

And your laugh made him feel like he was being swallowed whole, unable to breath

It scared him

Nothing good has ever happened when he became emotionally attached to someone

“Oikawa, are you okay?”

You put your hand up to his forehead and checked for a fever

He could feel his cheeks heating up and gently swatted your hand away

“No im fine. Dont worry about me”

He watched your face fill with concern and his heart lurched forward

This feeling...it scared him. But for now, if its you, hes willing to see where this goes

“Good morning oikawa!”

You walked into his office with his morning coffee which he gladly took from your hands

“Good morning y/n”

He had a job later and needed all the energy he could get

But not before having his morning conversation with you

“I'm leaving around noon with maki and mattsun. Iwa’s in charge till i get back so if you need anything ask him”

You could tell by the way he was talking that it was something serious and therefore probably something to do with the mafia

Sure you had done a few things for Seijoh like fax some papers and have oikawa sign a few things but nothing to where oikawa needed to leave has ever come up

He could see anxiety cloud over your face

“Hey”

He grabbed your hand and gave it a small squeeze

“I’ll be fine. You have nothing to worry about, okay?”

You nodded your head

“Please be safe”

Worry reflected in your eyes and it made him almost go weak

All he could do was nod and give a half smile

The entire time he was away you sat at his desk anxiously waiting for his return

...

“Cough up the money oikawa. We had a deal”

Oikawa looked at the man in front of him with his trademark empty smile

“That wasnt our deal. Now give us what you owe”

The room was tense but nothing that oikawa hasnt dealed with before

But his world soon turned upside down with what was thrown on the table that stood between them next

The color drained from his face as he looked at pictures taken of you without anyone knowing

“Where the hell did you get these”

The man in front of him just laughed

“Now thats an interesting expression oikawa. Never thought id see the day where that smile of yours wasnt on your face”

His knuckles were turning white from how hard he was clenching his fists

“You know, it would almost be a shame if something were to happen to them”

Oikawas eyes widened in fear

It felt as if time around him had stopped for this one moment

And it made him want to puke

“Dont you dare lay a hand on them”

His jaw was so tense that he thought he was about to pop a blood vessel

“Then give us the money”

He wasnt left with much of a choice

So he did what he was told

“See? Was that so hard?”

“Are we done here?”

He was itching to get back as soon as possible

To make sure you were okay

He couldnt rest until he knew you were fine

“Yes now leave”

The car ride seemed to last forever, maki and mattsun had never seen their boss like this and exchanged subtle glances the entire ride

As soon as the car stopped he ran into the building and to your desk

And when he saw you werent there his heart dropped

‘Where are you, y/n?!’

The only other place you could be was his office

He slammed his door open only to see you jump up from his desk, the sleep in your eyes still evident

He let out the breath he didnt even know he was holding as soon as his eyes landed on you

He went straight over to you and pulled you into his arms

The tightness of the hold around you was comforting yet alarming

You brought your arms up to wrap around him and you swear you could feel him slightly shaking

“Oikawa?”

You voice was soft and made him feel weak in the knees

“Just…let me stay like this for a moment”

After that day you were moved into his home and he never left your side

He never fully explained what happened that day

But you knew it had shaken him

Especially since you havent seen his smile since then

You were escorted everywhere

And when you asked why you were only given the short answer of “i said i’d guard you so i'm doing that”

You didnt mind being with him, really

If anything you liked being able to be with him all the time

You just hoped you werent being a hindrance

So one night as you laid in bed while oikawa sat on the ground next to you leaning against the bed frame, you turned towards him

He had been doing this lately to “guard” you and you knew he wasnt sleeping much

“Oikawa”

His eyes immediately met yours

“Am i being a burden on you?”

Though it was dark, he could hear the sadness in your voice

“I just feel like ive been holding you back lately and thats the last thing i want to do”

He cupped your face with his hand and gently stroked your cheek

“Not to mention that you havent smiled once since coming back that day and it just all feels very distant and lonesome. I hope you know that you can talk to me, i’ll never judge you for anything”

And in those few simple words the gate that had been holding back all of his emotions back suddenly broke

“y/n im scared”

His head hung low as his lips trembled

“Im scared to lose you and im scared that ive become weak since being with you but i just cant let you go. Losing you makes me feel more terrified than anything else”

The thought of losing you made it feel as if he was drowning and the water was filling his lungs with a burning sensation

You sat up in your bed and took his hand in yours

“Then why dont you turn that fear into strength? Hiding me...putting me under 24 hour surveillance...its no different than running. I dont want to be away from you either oikawa”

How did you always clear his head? It was like your words just made everything make sense

He made his way onto your bed and started to kiss you, soft yet hungry for more

He could never get enough of you

You made his heart full

And you became his strength

You made him strong and he could never forget this debt

taglist:  @the-ironic-me @multisun @my-mass-hysteria @sugawsites @youbloodylegendyoudidit @sinthxy @celamoon​ @tinymouth @fait-de-fleurs @tsukifanbase​ @69owo​ @laglyssage @hearteyeskags​ @ntngann​ @shnnn​ @fukuro-dani-ace​​ @exponentially-tired​​ @soy1melk​

[yandere-mha-blog]

Chapter 3:Ugh the Media

Words:1258

Katsuki had a hectic day to say the least, and arrived home very late, after dealing with the paparazzi, he then went on patrol for another nine hours and got home at 11, and his day wouldn't end there, because she was there.

“Chuya I'm home.” he said and silence, great she was going to play this game as he set his boots down by the front door

“Well well look who decided to show up.” he heard her from the kitchen, she swirled a cup full of what looked like whisky.

“Have you been drinking again, i thought you said you were going to try and stop.” Katsuki said

“And i thought you were going to stop losing your temper at people...i saw the headlines.”

“Bastard pulled down my mask and the paparazzi  showed up, so excuse me for pinning him down, damn bastard wasn't even hurt.”

“Then...going behind my back to see a little skank, was that part of your day.”

“I told you i was meeting someone to return something to them.”

“ANd it just happened to be a girl, I see you left that part out of your little story!” Chuya yelled slamming her glass down

“Chuya, i told you someone spilt coffee on me and they gave me their handkerchief and i just wanted to return it, WHAT PART AREN'T YOU GETTING!”

“THERE WE GO WITH THE YELLING AGAIN!” Chuya yelled “YOU NEVER ADMIT WHEN YOU MESSED UP!”

“I WAS RETURNING IT TO THEM!” he yelled back, Chuya grabbed the glass the through it at him he dodged and it broke against the wall

“FUCK YOU!” she yelled storming past him and slamming there bedroom door, katsuki pinched the bridge of his nose, before picking up the pieces of broken glass and mopping up the rest of the drink, he looked at his phone.

Katsuki couldn't help but give a small smile as he went to his designated spot on the couch, when did things get so bad with Chuya, he said looking at his left ring finger and seeing the silver band, before taking it off and putting it on the side table, and went to see what the damage is.

“Is the number 2 hero cheating on his fiancée of four years.”

“Dynamight pins innocent civilians to table, seen with a woman, while he was in a disguise.”

“Cheating dynamite!!!”

“Who is the lady seen with dynamite today as he pins the harasser down on the table.”

Click baiting shit, and that was enough of that, he just hopped you wouldn’t somehow be dragged into this dumb publicly mess, he knew the drill, in about two to three week they would move onto the next controversy.

You on the other hand were a bit worried, they found your social media and you were getting some weird messages

“Are you having an affair with him.”

“Isn't he a bit too old for you!!!” “Skank, he is going to be a married man soon!”

“HEY HEY DO YOU KNOW WHY HE PINNED THAT GUY DOWN!!!”

“Can i see your feet?”

“You know he is going to be married soon right!?!?!”

“What is he like in bed, how long have you been seeing him behind his wife back!?!?!”

“Can i get one of those pins with the glitter background?”

“Arent your prices a bit too high?”

“Are you his sugar baby!?how can i get in on it!”

You knew you should stop scrolling but you just couldn't stop yourself, maybe you should send out a reptile or something to set things straight, but would they even believe you or would some of the fire go out once you addressed it, katsuki was 3 years older then you and you knew the hero was in a long engagement with a women name chuya, but you didn't know it was him till earlier, and if word got out you meet with him without knowing it was him that could just because more trouble.

“Hello everyone, no need to worry im not having an affair with anyone, i accidentally spilt coffee on him the other day and i forgot to get my handkerchief back is all, he was just there to return it to me :)”

You hovered over the post button and decided to press post and put your phone face down and rolled over and tried to get some sleep. You spent enough time looking through this drama today, you hoped that katsuki was handling it better than you.

The next morning katsuki saw your little message you posted online, some people were in disbelief that he would go out of his way to return something, and maybe katsuki was holding a soft spot. Other people called bullshit saying katsuki would never be that kind and if someone spilt coffee on him, he would break their nose, thoughts varied. Still none of it seemed to matter to Chuya, still pissed at him for meeting up with another woman.

“Im heading out.” he said and all that was returned was silence, he sighed and left slamming the door a bit to hard

You on the other hand were looking through the yarn section of the local craft store, what pattern, you were thinking of maybe doing black and orange to commemorate the meeting with the prohero the other day. You checked out and went on your merry way out the story and were nearly run over by someone who was running away from a few heroes. You sighed another villain doing petty thief.

You kept walking and lo and behold you saw bakugou putting the villain you just saw into a cop car. Before you could think that maybe it wasn't the best idea to go up and say hello you were already over to the police tape waving at him, he must have seen you cause you saw him jolt a bit before quickly walking over.

“Hey what are you doing here.” he said “Did you forget the whole fiasco from yesterday?”

“Kind of, guess i was just excited to see you again, and no need to worry im sure that whole thing will blow over soon.” you said “I was just getting some yarn and saw you.”

KAtsuki just sighed and looked down on you, for some reason he got the overwhelming urge to just squeeze you a bit, he quickly put that thought in the back of his mind as patted your shoulder.

“JUst head home okay, i can't deal with anymore rumors the PR team is having a riot about yesterday.”

“Understood, later bak-Dynamight have a good rest of your day!” you said and started to walk to your empty apartment, when you saw someone outside your door.

“Scuse me?” you said

“OH sorry i must have the wrong apartment complex.” a ladies voice said

“No problem, hope you find it soon.” you said walking in and locking the door something about her gaze gave you the creeps but you do try to think the best in people.

You were working on your scarf when your phone started blowing up with text messages 

You didn’t get a message from him after that, who would've hated you so much that they would dox you, were people really that crazy after just one misunderstanding they would try to get in a dangerous situation, without much of a choice you waited for Bakugou.

[bridgyrose]

More of the post-apocalyptic au please. You left me so curious as to where it could go

Yang groaned as cold water was splashed all over her to wake her up. “I’m up, I’m up.” She rolled off the “bed” she was provided, although it did seem more like a cot, and not a comfortable one at that. 

Adam glared at her. “You’re late for your duties. I figured you’d be more… grateful to the High Leader for sparing you like she did. If it was me, I’d have you killed on the spot.” 

Yang slowly got up, her eyes still not having adjusted to the low light. “I’m… working on that. I’m used to having the sun tell me when to get up. It’s harder down here when your only light source is a candle or a torch.” 

Adam rolled his eyes and walked out of Yang’s room. “Get dressed and meet up with the High Leader in her room. You still have your job to do.” 

Yang sighed and fumbled around for the clothes she was provided. She had to admit, the tunic and pants werent all that bad to wear. She sighed and touched her collar and cuffs, wincing as a sudden jolt came from the outside of the bands. It had only been 24 hours wearing them and she already hated them. 

Once dressed, she made her way to the High Leader, hoping for an easier day than before. She had trouble keeping track of how long she’d been down here, but she knew it had been at least a couple of days. She knelt down in front of Blake, sighing. “I’m… sorry I’m late.” 

Blake turned to her and motioned for her to stand. “It’s fine. For a surface dweller, you’re already doing better than I could’ve hoped. Although, today is going to be a bit easier on you. I would like for you to assist Ilia today. She’s going to be leading a hunting party near the surface.” 

Yang hesitated for a moment. “A-are you sure I should go with her? She hates me-” 

“She doesnt hate you. And as my servant, I expect you to do as I ask. Am I clear?” 

Yang sighed. “Y-yes Ma’am.”

“Good.” Blake walked over to Yang and pulled out a key to undo the cuffs. “This should make things a bit easier on you.” 

Once the cuffs were off, Yang rubbed her wrists. “You’re… just taking them off?” 

“Of course I am. It’ll make hunting slightly easier for you.” She smirked and started walking off. “And besides, if you try to run, Ilia has orders to kill you.” 

“Of course she does….” 

Blake grabbed her mask and put it back on. “You should be glad that we’re allowing you to live among us for now. Normally, we kill humans on sight.” 

Yang paused for a moment before speaking again, her voice shaking. “Then… why let me be here?” 

“For one, you intrigue me.” Blake turned to face the blonde, amber eyes seeming to glow with the mask. “And you did say you didnt mean us any harm. So, I figure we could try this as a sort of… experiment.” 

“Experiment?” 

Blake nodded and started leaving the room. “Follow me and I’ll take you to Ilia.” 

“W-wait, now hold on. What do you mean by an experiment?” Yang quickly caught up to Blake, trailing a bit behind her like she was taught to do. “What exactly is there to experiment with?” 

“You’ll see when the time is right. But for now, Ilia is waiting for you.” 

Yang sighed and slowly made her way to Ilia, regretting everything was going to happen.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Blake slowly retreated into a chamber farther down into the caves, sitting down with her council. She looked over to an older woman. “Sienna, how’s the food stores looking for us?” 

“I’ve been working with a few of our members to make an area for us to grow our own food and to keep some sort of livestock if we can catch any from the surface. Although, we might be better off making our way back up there.” Sienna sighed. “We may need to consider finding another place to stay.” 

“That is unacceptable!” Adam growled and slammed his fist down on the ground. “If we cant survive here then we need to take the surface from the humans. We know where their tribe’s at, and we outnumber them. We can move in and wipe them all out with ease and take everything they own!” 

“And what if we cant? We dont know what they have up there! For all we know, they could have power far beyond what we do!” Sienna stood up and pulled out her whip. “We have no way to know what to expect up there! If the servant’s words are true, humans are a fierce race that uses anything they can get their hands on. Who knows what else they are capable of.” 

“And that’s exactly why I suggest we send out our scouts and then attack them when it’s dark. We know they have issues seeing without the sun and we can use that to our advantage. And from what the human said, they have no idea we live down here. It’s the perfect advantage-” 

“Enough.” Blake stepped between the two, sword drawn and pointed at Adam. “We are not attacking the humans. Our tribe made a pact with them a long time ago. And we’ll honor that pact and keep to ourselves. As long as they assume we dont exist, then we can live in peace.” 

“Then why didnt you just slay those humans like every other High Leader had? If you wanted us to stay hidden, then why let one of them leave? She’s more than likely told everyone about us! They’ll come for us and do whatever it takes to save their lost human! If we dont strike now-” 

“We are leaving them alone.” Blake put her blade away and sat down. “We leave them alone, and we go on our way. Besides, they arent a threat to us right now. From what my servant tells me, they’re tribe is small and scavenges the land for what they need. The one I let go, the one she calls her sister, wont be coming back for her.” 

Adam took a step forward. “How can you be sure?” 

“Ilia made it clear on what would happen if she tried to come back to cause us any harm.”

“Still, you’re a mockery to all of us for allowing one human to stay here!” 

“I’m using her as an experiment of sorts.” 

Sienna looked at Blake, confusion in her eyes. “An experiment? What kind of experiment could you be doing with her?” 

Blake smirked under her mask. “To see how easily we can make a human into a faunus.” 

Adam glared at her, offended at the suggestion. “You would want to sully us by making humans into faunus?!” 

“If it works, we can offer the humans a choice when we move to the surface. They can join us or leave us alone.” 

“This is a mockery of our tribe!” 

“This is my decision.” 

Adam stormed out, heading back into his own quarters. He shut his door and put out his torch, sitting down and staring into the darkness. “The High Leader has lost her way.” 

A set of glowing amber eyes appeared in the darkness, flaming as they stared back at Adam. “Then it’s time for you to claim the title as High Leader.”

“There are few faunus that are loyal to me. I will not be able to do it alone.” 

“And you wont be.” The darkness twisted itself, forming into a young woman. She smiled and lit a flame in her hand. “I’ll be the sword that helps you take what is rightfully yours.” 

[urmomification]

SWAG ANOTHER DREAM SMP AU FIC IDEA THAT ILL NEVER WRITE POG

this is a very long post please im so sorry my brain it just

(tw for like slight possession n shit)

(sorry its all jumbled i write all of these in discord to my friend and copy paste them here please if u have questions ask me im always willing to talk abt this shit please it haunts me)

(context: i saw a tiktok abt the hc that both dream and techno are gods of some sort bc theyre mentioned in the tales of the smp by karl a time traveller and my brain just ran w it)

going back to the techno and dream are gods thing right so dream is a vessel for the god dream xd (??? work in progress youll know what im talking about at some point its really funny tho uve def seen clips of it) and he was possessed?? by the god after the server started (when he started going from super friendly with everyone to control/power hungry) when he started sacrificing everything for power so no one could have power over him? that was the god making him do it bc the god was terrified of not being in control since theyd lost it all to techno in their past. thats why we never see dream and techno fight and why we see dream extend help and support to him at times as well as respecting his boundaries and such bc theyre scared of techno (again w the best of 10 duel reference, techno killed the god in a past life which is why the god has been forced to use a human vessel to get anything done on the mortal plane) but when something that powerful spends pretty much any amount of time in something mortal and mundane like a person, the host body starts to change (hence the mask) i like to think that the god would be akin to that of a biblically correct angel?? like the ones w multiple eyes n shit yk so after time things start to happen to normal dreams body he gets extra sets of eyes and he gets taller and overall his body seems just Too Small for whatevers inside of him and thats why he (hc) started wearing the mask in the first place he knew something was wrong w him but he didnt want anyone to know even tho they would most likely help him he was ashamed that he was different in the first place so he started wearing the mask once the other eyes showed up. and i think that the god would talk to dream similarly to how technos voices work yk? except its just the one voice instead of many many small ones. and again with the mask thing when he lost to tommy and they took him in, part of his mask broke to the point where u could see just a bit of the right side of his face but enough to see that it Wasnt Right there were two eyes where there shouldve been one and spots on his cheeks bright enough to resemble stars and where the color of his pupil should have been is just a sickeningly neon green with nothing else behind it. so they let him keep the mask even tho they already know something is wrong but it clearly makes him Very Distressed when asked to remove the mask or told to give it up. blah blah blah god harassing its host bc it got them caught and thrown in a prison and dream goes ever so slightly insane having to share a mind and body with a literal ancient god w a vendetta against everything hes built whos forced him to sacrifice everything he loved and cared for out of fear yk the usual prison shit and then techno comes a long and breaks him out or whatever but on their way back to his house he drops a really cryptic line abt how 'its nice to see an old friend again' and 'i thought i got rid of u for good last time' and dream is just ???? what are u talking about?? weve never been friends and youve never gotten rid of me? what. until techno spins around and just 'im not talking to you im talking to the thing inside u' or whatever and dreams eyes flash some brilliant gold or sumn and boom this is ur fellow god speaking how may i help you and dream xd (that feels so wrong to say but) and techno bond or well ig just talk abt how the past centuries have gone and ig while xd is fronting (??? i think itd kinda be like DID in a sense w multiple people being able to front yk?) dream is in a sort of semi conscious state but still hears everything going on around his own body until hes thrown back into the drivers seat (i think that xd would only be able to front for short periods of time due to the vessel n shit that makes sense right) and hes so confused someone please help him hes just a dude who happened to get possessed by a god someone help him so when they finally get back to technos house he sits dream down and explains the best he can without literally melting dreams brain. which would also play into the 'technoblade never dies' bc hes. literally a god. mortals cant kill him unless they have idk some sort of super weapon idk and blah blah blah xd gets what they want and finally has the ability to leave finally leaving dream literally the shell of a man with no home friends materials or anything with techno to basically take care of him until he reaches some semblance of stability again (which would take ages, realistically (wdym realistically) going from normal, to a god sharing a body with you and speaking in you brain living as a single being together and hearing their thoughts, to back to normal but with all the memories of what you did and what they made you do and also no more god speaking in ur head it would take a hot sec to recover from) so he lives with techno (whos, not to mention, another god) for a while until he can fend for himself again and after a good year or so passes and no one hears from dream they start to look for him and see what happened bc he went from the biggest threat on the server to just. gone. no one knows where he went after whatever he did and they want closure. is he dead?? who knows. so george and sap set out looking for him and decide to ask techno for help since hes good w directions n shit also he was the last person to see dream alive so he might have an idea of where he is and they walk up to his house and knock on his door and techno opens it and just stares at them he knows who they are, dreams talked about them before but hes never met them really so he talks to them, getting through the polite hellos how are yous before sap finally asks 'do you know what happened to dream? no one knows where he went and we just want closure' techno huffs and tells them to wait there he (this is the basement door im using his arctic tundra house in my head) goes down the ladder to the second basement, they can hear him talking to multiple people (ranboo phil dream) but cant tell who everyone is before coming back up the ladder, back to the door. he tells them to wait outside he needs to get something first (its dream hes getting dream) theyre standing out by carls stable when the door creaks open and dream steps out looking around for who the fuck could possibly be looking for them he betrayed everyone and most people thought he was dead who could possibly be here asking for himself and not ranboo or philza and when he steps out, his green hoodie (memento made by ranboo to help him cope w the loss of the voice in his head) catching the morning light off the snow and he was happy and then he saw them standing by the house hed grown to call home at least for now he breaks. he missed them so so much it hurt. he never expected to see them ever again much less them come looking to see him but hes scared he realizes he doesnt know what to say there is nothing to say he fucked them all over he ruined everything and then hes being hugged. they missed him too. they dont forgive him jsut yet but they missed him and thats enough for him right now. the three of them stand there just being in each others presences and techno creaks the door open to make sure they arent trying to kill each other and sighs and leans against the frame smiling. hes happy again and thats the best he can do for him. he invites them all in and offers to explain everything to them to try and ease the blame off of dream bc in all honesty it was his fault but xd made it far far worse that it should have been (a bit late but foot note abt xd i think that they would be an idle god until someone w intense feelings of powerlessness and insecurity like awoke them from their techno induced slumber and inhabited dream to help him fulfill his desires for power and control) and by the time he and dream are finished its late at night and sap and george are ??? so u were possessed by a god who techno killed centuries ago in a duel and it amplified ur feelings of insecurity and ur thirst for control to the point of isolating urself from us and destroying everything everyone cared abt?? also technos an ancient god who lusts for bloodshed but also makes turtle farms in his free time?? are we getting this right????? and techno and dream are just yea thats abt it glad this all made sense then they all go to bed (its a small house dream has a lil shack like ranboos and sap and george somehow slept over there for the night) and in the morning sap and george leave again but promise to come back, they still arent ready to forgive and forget bc even tho it wasnt all his fault his emotions getting away from him is what caused this all in the first place so they do need time to process now that they know he isnt dead and dream continues to live near techno in almost full independence and eventually moves back with his friends even tho many still hate him. hes happy and for now thats enough. another foot note; even after xd leaves his being, he still has the extra eyes, glowy freckles n is xtra tall n shit that cant just be reversed but now that hes himself again these things take their tolls on human bodies so i think hed have something at least similar to arthritis bc of how his bones were literally manipulated bc of how strong ethereal magic or whatever is. so he would still wear the broken mask but he takes it off now and is ok with it being off hes working on getting better now that hes himself again and everyone living w/by techno is helping him with that. also i think that he would get blinks of xd's memories like from when techno was killing them and have sumn like ptsd panic attacks from it and techno feels super guilty abt it but theres literally nothing he can do except apologize and after the first few times dream stopped him from apologizing bc it is his fault but he didnt do it to him so it doesnt matter to dream at least and they live in pretty much harmony until dream finally moves back in w george and sap the end. he also started wearing the mask in the first place bc of the extra eyes but he played it off as being uncomfortable around new people and not wanting them to know what he looked like until he trusted them (bc that literally makes sense irl how funky is that) so sap and george never pushed him and when they caught him without it on on the rare occasion they wouldnt pressure him to leave it off or anything even tho they already knew what he looked like (when they respect ur boundaries </3) they just assumed that it was insecurity (it was but also mans had like 3 eyes so) and just left him alone

[tomdiddlyumptious]

help me shift 👹

MAKING SURE YOU ARE CLEAR OF WHAT YOU WANT.

Please make sure you are clear of what you want! If you are not clear of what you want you might accidentally shift into somewhere DONT wanna be. To avoid this make sure you watch a video of where you wanna shift to before you do it. 

Example: i watch peter parker 5 minute videos of clips of him being a dork or etc, i look at peter parker/tom holland pictures of him holding a guitar because as you came from kats blog you know i like peter parker singing to me, i might look at video clips of him singing, but he doesnt sing in his new york voice so i have to imagine that on my own.

Example: i shifted to five nights at freddies, they ended up having an orgy. scary<3.

REMEMBER THIS IS YOUR REALITY.

In your desired reality you can make whatever you want to. If everytime you clap you hands you make zendaya teleport to give you a kiss YOU CAN DO THAT. if you want to control your desired reality, meaning in you control everything they say YOU CAN DO THAT. just make sure you have a script. Its basically like writing a blurb or a series if you do that! You can look like whatever you want to, if you wanna be 11111’9 you can be that!, if you wanna be rich you can be that!

Example: i might write on my script that everytime i shift to my reality that i wake up cuddling peter parker, then hed wake up while i am making breakfast and remind me of how beautiful i am and wrap his arms around my waist.

Example: i own a house that would be 4 million dollars in my cr, but when i shifted into my dr it only costed a single dollar and i dont have to pay rent.

Example: sadly my family isnt supportive of the lgbtq+ so in my dr i stick to they/them but as i progress i have peter help me of who i wanna be the next day, she/they, or he/they. If you dont recall i made a post about seed of chucky, how i am basically glen/glenda because i cannot figure it out, yeah….peter made that joke- sometimes hed tell tony how beautiful his boyfriend is, which i totally love him for that, or how beautiful his girlfriend is, which is so loving to me. 

SHIFTING.

I personally do not support permanent shifting!! Nor do i consider it. Because you might miss your family, your friends, and something might happen to then while youre gone. Also, do not become attached. It can cause extreme sadness and probably depression (i personally havent went through this because i dont know how dumb my clone is and theyd probably walk in a grocery store without their mask on)

Example: if i were to shift to somewhere permanent, say ive been there for about a year, and i dont know how long ive been shifted in my real life, you might be in your dr for one year but what if in your cr youve been gone for 3?? Remember you dont remember ANYTHING from your cr while youve been gone to your dr one.

Example: peter parker says i love you and i hope youre here forever and now you dont wanna leave him but you have to go. And then you get so stressed about it that you cant shift but you miss him so much.

Example: i come back from my dr and have to take a covid test for my job just to find out that i have it, but then i become confused, i havent been anywhere. And then boom it comes to you that youve shifted and you cant control anything. 

SCRIPTS.

Scripts are great!! They take a lot of time tho. Thats why i recommend you do it on docs instead of paper and then maybe print it out. If you wanna. My script isnt fully finished AT ALL but i am clear of what i want to it helps too. Scripts help out with what you want fully! You can always change it anytime you like, make different ones, and anything youd like! In your script you can write out how others think of you, your appearance, the way you smell, the way you act, your love interests, your hobbies, your family, and your backstory.  You can add your cr friends, shift celebs in and more! Add in what your house looks like!

Example: appearance: i have large blue eyes, my waist is 1’ inch and i am so skinny, i am the only beautiful girl in school. Mood: i cry when someone calls me annoying and pushes me, but then sings this is my fight song and becomes very confident and making everyone join me singing to the bully making them drop to the floor and cry, making me feel sad and helping them up before we become friends and they hurt my heart again, breaking it before i sing again making them move away forever and make me so popular in school, making peter parker want me and do my homework making me have all A+s

Example: backstory: i was born into the richest mafia and when i was five my parents died in a car crash.

Example: love interests: peter parker, we met at the ice skating rink and i accidentally fell, he made fun of me and hates my guts and he calls me a whore everytime making me look down to me feet “i-i-i-i-i-i-i im so s-sorry!” and then i ran away. MJ, we met in class, she drew me. I dont like her because she too nice, but she likes me and compliments me on my small waist. Haz osterfield. Hes so rich and he calls me a good girl everytime he accidentally drops his pencil and asks me to pic me up, i let out a gentle “UwU” before doing a ahegao face before he shoves his two fingers down my throat<3

WAITING ROOMS.

Your waiting room is your safe place, it can look like an office, like a bedroom, a livingroom. Anything you want. You use waiting rooms if you arent ready to go to your dr, if you wanna take a break from your dr. there can be multiple doors, from different realities, you can have an assistant who checks up on you every time you come in and out of the room. 

Example: my waiting room is a soft coffee brown, contains of six doors, looking around i see a large tall green plant right next to a assistant desk, finding harrison osterfield with glasses, clicking through my realities, keeping up files, making sure nothing is going wrong and throwing some suggestions spicing up the reality i choose. The six doors lead to, New york, Queens, the space ship of guardians of the galaxy, Mean girls, Hogwarts, a famous lifestyle with tom holland, a regular life style with tom holland, and a school of a mix of Ron, the twins, Harry, peter parker, MJ, haz, ned, oliver wood, betty. Carl from shameless, Otis from sex ed, the hold stranger things circle, and etc<3.

METHODS.

Methods help you to shift. You can make your own even. I use the heartbeat method, the alice in wonderland method, and the raven method. 

Alice in wonderland: imagine yourself sitting against a tree, a book in your hands as you could help but look up and see (love interest/friend in cr) run past, it made you look, your confused as you stand up running after them. There much ahead of you, just running straight as you could hear their footsteps against the floor before they suddenly stopped, right before jumping down a rabbit hole, your eyebrows furrow before you walk up to the hole you watched as his body became littler and littler, suddenly feeling the urge to fall down the rabbit hole, you do. As you fall freely down the rabbit whole you find yourself letting go of th things you dont want. What do you not want, your homework? Your car? Your landlord? Your prince-able? Your cheap toaster? And as you think about it you slowly drop, your eyes closing and your feet meeting the ground as you imagine your eyes open. Looking around you find white walls, 6 white doors, three on each side with golden handles. But you didnt feel connected to those so you continued to walk down the hallway. Coming to a stop you looked left and right, finding your love interest on the right with a small golden key in their hand. They smile at you, walking over, the grab your hand, their hand warm holding yours before they ask, “are you ready?” you say yes, they smile and turn their head to their right, you did the same, finding another door. They let your hands go “see you on the other side y/n” they smiled before walking off. You looked at the key in your hand before walking up to the door, putting the key in and turning it, haring the door unlock and you opened the door. Finding yourself in your dr room, finding your dr self sleeping in their bed. You close the door behind you, walking to the body and opening the blanket to lay ontop of them. You slowly feel your soul seeping into your dr self, feeling tingles throughout your body as you entered your dr one. You have shifted. 

Heartbeat method: you play heartbeat sounds on your phone (perferably the app musi) and lay your head on top of the pillow, hearing the heartbeats you imagine its your dr love interest laying under you. I personally listen to the humming one too. As you fall asleep you should feel the shifting side effects.

Raven method: you can lay anyway you want, just make sure your limbs arent touching. You close your eyes softly and slowly count to 100, you might have to do it over and over again. But as the numbers pass you can say affirmations, or “past memories” or imagine yourself with your dr love intrest/friend. 

The way i do it is, i use the alice in wonderland method first, but instead of laying down by myself i imagine my dr love interest came inside of the room with me, laid down next to my dr self and told me to “come on” or i imagine theirs double of us (dr peter parker) and we shift together, then after that the heartbeat method plays, while im still laying down with peter and im ontop of his chest im listening to his heartbeat, im also counting, closing everything else out but either his “heartbeat” or my breathing while counting up to 100.  There is also shifting guidance here. I suggest you make a playlist with the alice in wonderland and then the heartbeat method or do them separately if you want!

Now, i am not the best of them all but this is what i could provide!!

[ryollie]

update post, gonna put under a read more. its gonna be rambly and honest abt how i feel on certain things, why i’ve been gone and what im gonna do from now on etc. tw for mental illness !

i’ve been inactive for a month, almost 2 i think? its kind of painful to evaluate everything to be honest. i’ve had my blog for half a year. i really loved and had fun in the hphm fandom and ive met great people. people come and go, and im alright with that. when i first joined, i never expected so many people would enjoy ollie, my first ever mc. i was just so so happy and wanted to draw and share more of my oc stories and creations with everybody. as time gone on, i started feeling isolated, and slowly started getting more hate for various reasons and i felt very overwhelmed. 

i’ve always tried my best to be kind to everybody and understand things from different perspectives but i realise that there are some people you can just never see eye to eye with no matter how hard u try. my mistake was trying too hard to get along with everybody. it rlly sucks when you find leaked convos of ppl you thought u were friends with insulting you, ppl you drew for and thought you had fun with talking smack behind ur back. its alright to not like me or my content ! i just dont see why ppl would interact positively with me and act a different way once my back is turned. i think its pretty...ugly, to be honest. if u rlly had an issue with me, dm me and lets talk it out civilly. i dont shy away from an honest conversation; if i truly did anything wrong i will admit to my mistakes, apologize and hopefully change for the better. we are all human, its normal to fuck up and theres always room for change.

its easy to say just ignore the hate and move on, and believe me thats exactly what i tried to do. it was really uncomfortable and i felt like i was just putting on a mask to remain positive, sociable and welcoming to everybody i interacted with. i did that for 3 months and overtime, it just crumbled. i felt really paranoid everytime i had an interaction, because i saw so much negativity about me that i wish i did not that i started to doubt every interaction i had. i didnt know if someone was pretending to be kind to me, i started to think what if they had heard bad things about me from others and were judging me etc, its a lot to handle. im a paranoid scizophrenic and feelings of paranoia manifest into auditory hallucinations for me. these feelings arent just a bad gut feeling. i hear people talking about me and how theyre going to hurt me because they hate me etc. its honestly really exhausting and its hard to tell whats real and fake and it makes me disassociate.

people believe what they want to believe. there’s always two sides to a story. i’m tired of being painted as somebody bad because of petty gossip, i’m tired of always needing to defend myself. once you’re on someone’s bad side, you’re judged and nitpicked for every single minor detail. its awful. if others vent, its alright because everyone has their problems and deserve to be heard! if i vent, its me being whiny and playing a victim card. people can easily twist your words to suit their narrative. words can hurt like a bitch, you know. i wish more people realised there’s weight in their words. 

and to address this if its unclear; i’m no longer in a relationship and i ended it myself. i just dont feel like im in a good place mentally to sustain a rs for a very, very long time. i would also appreciate it if people can stop associating me with my previous partner. i do not want anything to do with them. i wont disclose any details out of respect but please respect how i feel on this.

to sum up i’m sorry if i’ve ever hurt anybody. i’m just tired of the negativity and the indirects. people who know me, know me. i always try to be kind but i have my limits too. i disappeared for two months because i couldnt cope with it, but I'm willing to try again. i’ll be very cautious with who i interact from now on, and i hope you can understand why. im just protecting myself. i want to have fun drawing and creating content for me and my friends and not for the sake of others, as it should have been from the very start. i just want to have fun again and to slowly learn to trust people. thank you if you read this to the very end, it was just an honest and long ramble of how i’ve been feeling. i hope i can share more of ollie and my other ocs with everybody and that with time, i can let go of the painful things i’ve experienced before. 

[spirit-shroud]

i replayed kz again tonight and managed to beat it in 4 hrs instead of 11 !!! which is rly cool imo, i think i got a max of like 50 deaths or less for the full run ??? i was just playing regularly but usin the prism blade for the cool blood effects, not in speedrun mode for the counter, and i managed 2 drag my friend into hyperfixation hell with me :} but also i have some thoughts and opinions im not rly sure how to compile in a meaningful way, so here’s the like. pure brain-down-on-blog post version under the cut. if this gets auto-tagged into the real actual tag for this game im very sorry for my hubris im just. thinking emoji

so id like to start this with the final boss makes me SO sad :( like yeah she doesnt have much dialogue but idk she just makes me so sad. she’s so desperate and she Knows shes going to lose and im just like. no!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you’re so cool!!!!!!! Please Be My Friend We Can Work Together. I Know A Guy :c like usually final bosses are like weirdly emotional for me but she was just SO COOL and realizing like WAIT THIS BOSS OPERATES UNDER THE SAME RULES I DO was just like WOW even if as i kept dying (and i think i spent like... 3 hrs on the final boss alone lmao the first time, i killed her on my third attempt this run which was very cool of me) i finally realized that she IS pretty repetitive and got all her patterns n variables down super easy, but like, fighting another null who Should for all intents and purposes be just as absurd and powerful as i am, and eventually being able to down her effortlessly, and then the withdrawal affects of the chronos kicking in as well, and its just like. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

dont even get me STARTED on that ‘to be continued’ like yeah there’s a dlc comin but the game mentions repeatedly that its just the first act which has me like OKAY. SPECULATION TIME (what am i speculating on? literally no idea im not even rly at the speculation phase im still in the WOW COOL VIDEO GAME phase) 

and i rly like the dragon/fifteen but the first time i saw him i was just like. who’s this f*llmetal alchemist looking bitch ??? what’s he doin here?? go HOME and controlling him is AWFUL i hate the dragon tape so MUCH >:C but also he’s like. cool. i want to know more about him n his plot 2 take down Juncture n the government n whatever. 

but also i was listen 2 Full Confession bc it’s just. what the heart wants rn. i need to be sad and caffeinated in order to get into the Writing Zone rn and then i was THINKIN like my friend mentioned while we were playing the dragon tape that the song that plays is very similar to Full Confession (which i had sent him earlier while i was losing my mind over the final boss) and then i was like. Hm. these are very similar but have such wildly different moods -- Breath of the Serpent is much more like. ‘you’re going to be afraid of me’ while Full Confession is like ‘i’m afraid of you’ and i think that the different Vibes from these two soundtrack bits about important Null characters is just like. WOW and i wonder how a version of it that was purely Zero’s might be. would it be more triumphant? more flat? what desperation or emptiness is in there that could be drawn out by this melody??? i dont KNOW and i can’t write music unfortunately but im just like AAAAAAAAAA

i also rly wanna know what snow has going on ??? like. shes clearly important. she is a vital npc. but Why. she didnt even rly do anything except Show Up???

fuck V. all my homies hate V. the motorcycle fight was a lot of fun tho i rly liked that section even if my therapist was mad at me afterwards

also i think elizabeth/the little girl is rly cute and the fact zero was just like. ‘hm. well guess i have a daughter now’ so fast w/ her (at least, with the dialogue trees me n my pal kept going down) and im just. So Hoping we can rescue her in the dlc :( i miss her so much and im so like. worried abt that like pls give me back my daughter you dumbasses i cant even read ur dialogue without my brain being like ‘yeah these r just squiggly lines, boss. gl’ 

i also want to believe that the masked men arent real (bc idk, it’s just easier for me to process that they’re the result of chronos withdrawal) but the problem w/ that is like. they definitely kidnapped elizabeth, and i want so desperately to believe that elizabeth IS real n that zero genuinely wants to protect her (and by extension, the part of himself that is still human) 

ALSO THE PSYCHIATRIST i was just like. Okay. I Must Get A Good Grade In Therapy. n kept being nice n cooperative and helpful to this clown ass and then THAT ENDING ??? like i didnt even get the Bad Therapist Ending i was just like. fucka you! attacka you with a rock! (i do however want to try the therapist boss it sounds like a lot of fun) but i just. i hate him! he sucks! find a better therapist zero u rly need one im sorry for ur problems disorder :( like hes clearly a guy who just works for the government n wants 2 keep a leash on our man 

n the contradictions, hes like. yeah ur killing everyone related to chronos so it can no longer be produced ♥ but dw ur special we totally wont just withhold chronos from you as soon as u finish ur tasks dw about it ♥ and its like. Hm. I Dont Think Thats Right !!!! 

also i wanna learn more about what Juncture has going on??? what are they like. Doing besides poisoning water n making lighters ?????? it’s clearly a lot 

also the art for this game is just so GOOD,,, like. i didnt rly notice a lot of the backgrounds my first playthrough bc i was just losing my mind the whole time trying to solve each puzzle but the second playthrough im just like. AAAAA. and the soundtrack? effervescent. groundbreaking. perfect. So Good 

and the GAMEPLAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my GOD i was SO vibing with it, the difficulty curve was kinda extreme imo but as soon as i started like. Getting It? and started looking at each room less like combat/fighting and more like a puzzle that needed to be solved it made it so much easier 2 get into the headphase of ‘okay how do i clear this’ and it was just like. YOOOOOOOO

and zero is just a lot of fun 2 play as. legitimately everything about him is just so ridiculous. his dialogue options? ridiculous. his design? absurd. the implications that hes like. 22 and just having the worst 10 days of his life? mood, buddy. this guy likes samurai movies and card games and mushroom pizza and has worn the same outfit every single day for who knows how long and hes also a war veteran, an emotionless serial killer and a drug addict. and hes 22 and 5′10. literally NOTHING about those traits make sense together but here he is, just Vibing. 

i love him so much. im going to make a self insert oc that’s just giving him a friend who knows how to cook n is just like ‘oh wow, that’s rough buddy’ when hes like ‘i only feel alive when i kill people’ and conveniently knows how 2 get bloodstains out of things bc i think he needs that kind of person in his life since his like. therapist is conspiring against him n he keeps having 2 kill his friends 

also, unfortunately, i want to get every achievement, which i feel like is going to become hld....2!! where i get all but 1 of them and am stuck at 96% for 2+ years >:T