#TAKE EM OR SOMETHING IDK
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having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!
there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.
#and before one of u is like '' i have no friends :(" i used to be there too actually#abusive partner cut me off from ALL of 'em. i didn't think i was lovable#it made me EXCEPTIONALLY shy. i still am actually!!!!#i just ... started saying ''yes.''#i would take pictures of flyers in my library and go to whatever events they had#i started taking community classes#if someone mentioned like ''i am gonna start x group'' i actually took a deep breath#and approached them to be like . okay i want in.#i started making the first move with new people - a small compliment#a smile or a little joke. just to share the space with them.#i have MASSIVE social anxiety. bad parent and bad relationship will do that to ya.#but i just... kept going. and going. and going. to each of these little things. and then...#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends#a lot of which i reconnected with. bc it turns out love is never wasted. adult life just.#like. gets in the way. but also... i loved u as a weird little kid. i love u now as a weird big adult.#i promise i PROMISE ur friends are out there. u just have 2 find them. and btw#i didn't make friends with everyone. but i did get a lot of people to smile or laugh.#aint that something.#this process took me something like 2 years. it was HARD!!!!!!!!!!#i love u!!! hard things are often worth it!!!
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Sweethearts 💕
Less edited versions under the cut
+some other sketch I had of em
#kamen rider#kamen rider gavv#kamen rider valen#GavValen#or uh I think everyone calls em#chocogummy#let's take sfx pill together#mecha's shitty doodles#Anyway hope it is apparent that Valen is smiling? 'cause he is#sweetheart is tad of too mushy word for me but that's all that comes to me for this one </3#I don't even think of em in ship way yet much more of just “they look very cute together”#I honestly could talk about how I see em but uh#sadly for em my current headspace is taken by best match and idk if it'll change anytime soon#<been trying to draw something em too. but more serious so idk when I'll even finish that#anyway sorry for tags ramble I sure like doing that
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i like nsh :)
i wanted to show off their bow scarf and got a lil carried away
#rain world#no significant harassment#nsh#rw hunter#egg art#eggmoon creations#i rlly like how the left sig came out tho#and irs like....Yeah thats My Style#like. Thats How i wanna draw em!!#it was nice using my old brushes again i like em#tho it takes forever i need to like....idk. do lineart or something to make it easier and save time so im not redrawing all the lines again#wait#uhhhhhhhhhhh#well whatever it works out ill just have to get faster
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total drama moment (4/8)
#total drama#noco family au#Package Deal (Noah's Day Off)#total drama noco#total drama noah#total drama cody#total drama raj#total drama wayne#I am so sorry#but then again they ARE babies in this au#and these ARE the same two mfs who both casually admit to taking shits in the outhouse CONFESSIONAL#lil rant about that idk where else I wanna put this but#I really hate that its implied that in tdi23 that the only toilets the contestants were allowed to use were the fucken confessional#like several characters mention it not just Wayne and raj#that was just the first ones that made me have this retched thought in the first place#cuz like#the communal washrooms were RIGHT THERE#like the whole time#and they were really like: nah#lets watch em ave a SHIT#like they had OPTIONS#and they willingly chose the wrong one#like with other seasons like World Tour and Pahkitew Island this implications make SENSE#like the confessional is pretty much the ONLY choice of a toilet they can use in the conditions they're in#but yeah nah fuck all that for this season lol#like as soon as the hockey bros arrived on the island they were like#yeah sometimes me and my buddy like to go to the confessional outhouse so we can take a shit while staring directly into the live camera#just to feel something yknow?
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collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS
#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo.#says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking#my immediate thought was#i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him#bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent#but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally#it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched....#so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti.#configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying#the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias#then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought#i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him#AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND#originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went#WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN#BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing.#plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS#but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it#i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding#so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown#i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said#yakuya#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival kuya
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CUTMAN!
on it boss
#theta--art#mspaint#idk if this wasa request or a statement but i agree either way. cutman <3#some1s just called out for him while hes taking a break or something. yea yea ill be there in a min i hear ya#umm#megaman#megaman classic#rockman#cutman#abtyway ya im in a mood for reqs i guess... send em in if ya want
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i would put both but like i wanna see peoples opinion (i would pick both)
#i kinda wanna watch singing in the rain again#i’m thinking about what logan would’ve been like if erik was also there#extra angst forreal#two really old guys being sappy and sad with eachother#i wonder if erik would die before or after charles in the movie#it should be after cause i need pain rn damn#imagine if erik was there in the room when x-24 killed charles but he wasn’t strong enough to stop the metal#DAMN I NEED TO READ SOMETHING LIKE THIS BUT THERES BARELY ANYTHING#would erik need a walker or something#he would be really old#lmao magneto with one of those walkers with the tennis balla on em#thinking about phantom of the opera#cherik in it too#but not really#roul is so much better for christine just saying#is that how you spell his name? idk#love erik (phantom) but maybe take a chill pill bro#imma read more fanfics about old guys getting together now#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#cherik#x men#magneto#professor x#x comics#xmcu
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someone had to do it
#fine I'm fine & mayday go together so well ironically#which is the point yes#actually made me a bit sad ngl#just a lil bit#btw Mayday is a REALLY good fuckin song like my god#did not think don't take it personally would tie with something#the instrumentals alone are just. ough#that song shot up to my top ten CJ songs overall#top five even#idk yet i gotta list em all again#chonny jash#moss post#this feels like something that ppl would use on tiktok for an angst twist animation thing#which is cool but we cant have cj blowing up on tiktok again#tho it would be originals this time which would be cool#chonny jash power hour
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I vote for Argenti! I hope you feel better soon!
Thank you ! I do feel much better (though I admit I hurt a little for very much my fault reasons but it's mostly manageable through light pain meds).
Take an Argenti o7 I got lazy and didn't draw the roses I was gonna draw to the left so there is now a wide open blank spot.
#honkai star rail#argenti#i managed one of the things i owe and this isnt it but here take a doodle#im a ding dong who told someone oh no its starting to pour i should draw someone quick#and then proceeded to draw him way past the rain .... so that.... was a thing#i mean luckily we didnt lose power but still#ALSO OMG THE REASONS I AM AT FAULT FOR ISSSSSSSSS#we have obtained as of yesterday a mama cat and a lil baby boy#and so i heard him mewing under the bed and like a FOOL rolled over on my side with the recovering incisions#to check on him and hoo boy that was indeed a mistake#but lil guy was okay just wanted attention#im so pleased to announce he loves me most teehee#my dad has repeatedly told me idk where he is i hope he isnt stuck#and then i simply exist upstairs and then he bounds out from his hiding spot and lets me pet him and pick him up#truly a good lil bean he is so baby i - with v tiny hands - can hold him in one hand without any problems#none of this has to do with the art i apologize#but ty for the request uhhhh over a week ago ! i do still have them in my inbox and when i can manage i try to look over em#and try to consider one but then i sometimes just do not have energy and wanna do something easy and fast
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My dad was Bruce-ing again today.
Dad: Where are your keys? I'm gonna go put more air in your tire.
Me: I already filled it up this week.
Dad: Oh okay.
Dad goes upstairs for a second and comes back with a bag in his hand.
Dad: Here, take this poncho and put it in your glove compartment. In case you have to pull over in the rain, put it on so other cars can see you.
So then I took my new bright ass orange poncho to my car, bypassing the three water bottles my dad had stuffed in the door pocket as well as the emergency phone battery pack charger he stuffed in another pocket.
#i also have an air compressor in my car. toilet paper. jumper cables. portable jumper cables/battery charger. tool box.#and then my own contribution includes a first aid/emergency kit#honestly surprised he didn't get me a jack to put in there but then again idk how to change my tires so alkdja#no but this man is literally bruce in the ''always be prepared'' type of way.#he literally has a closet dedicated to extra food and toilet paper and soap and tons of other things#we call it his store. ''hey we're out of dishwasher detergent. oh i'll go look for some in dad's store.''#he also has flashlights Everywhere. i probably have 2-3 in my room bc he's just randomly like ''em take this flashlight.''#he literally gave me another one like a week ago or something. and y'know what they've actually been handy as fuck when the power goes out#he's also given me a penlight for my purse but i think i need a new one#just whew.
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11/8 Sun Cream Word Count: 854
(infidelity) @pandalilymicrofics
“Did you sleep with him?” Her voice comes out pained, hurt, exhausted even. “Huh, Pandora?” The roughness of it not unlike one of a woman who had be crying, sounding not unlike Pandora’s voice only hours prior. The utter desperation of it, stripped down to the bone, vulnerability at its best. The humility of it almost made Pandora break with her, but only almost, she was done letting herself break for the time being.
“Why does it matter, Lily?” She pressed, biting the inside of her cheek as she spoke and praying that Lily didn’t hear her mirrored pain on the other end of the line. She couldn’t have been more thankful that this conversation wasn’t happening face to face cause if it was Pandora is more than certain that she couldn’t have schooled her emotions as well as she was fighting so hard to do now. Not to mention how she would most definitely react upon seeing Lily so broken if just hearing the hurt in her voice alone distressed her so deeply.
Lily's voice comes through the line much harsher than the barely there whisper that it had been mere seconds before. Almost yelling as she says, “God dammit Pandora! Because it does matter. We matter, or at least we did. To me at least.”
It’s silent on the other end of the line thereafter, aside from Lily’s erratic breathing accompanied by the obvious sounds of her pacing around her apartment (an apartment that up until only a short while ago they had both called home) in a desperate attempt to expel some of her pent up energy despite the people living below her and their rather frequent noise complaints. But Pandora could just barely make out the last few words that she had said, the ones mumbled under her breath, if more to herself than anything, ‘To me at least.’ And all Pandora wants to do is shout back to her that they did matter, that they do matter, that what they had wasn’t one sided at all. That it was true and it was real and it was filled with so much more life and love than anything Pandora had ever experienced before.
But she doesn’t say this, she can’t bring herself to. She doesn’t say anything for that matter, despite how much courage she tries to muster up inside herself. And that’s all the answer Lily needs as she ends the call without even saying goodbye.
And that’s what hurts Pandora the most, not the anger, or the obvious pain in Lily’s voice, it’s the lack of a goodbye. That so deeply uncharacteristic act of Lily’s that makes Pandora truly realizes the severity the situation at hand. How hard the final nail on the coffin that now holds their relationship had just been driven in.
Lily had never left her with that little of a goodbye before. Never before had she not at minimum said a simple ‘I love you’, reassuring Pandora that she would be back, telling her how much she meant to her before either one of them headed out the door. No matter if it was the early hours of the morning when Pandora was barely conscious and Lily was running off for her morning swim at the beach just down the road, rambling on about how she can’t forget her sun cream again for the millionth time. Or in the evenings before Lily went out to the pub with her friends to celebrate whatever major sporting event was on tv as had been a long standing tradition for her. All to come back home to Pandora at the end of the night in her slightly tipsy state and snuggle up next to her, relaying all the stupid stuff she had watched go down throughout her evening out. Or even in the midst of their fighting when Lily needed to just go outside to clear her mind and get a breath of fresh air before they could have a more civilized conversation, even then she said goodbye.
But then again never before had they been in a situation such as this. And Pandora knows deep down inside of herself that she won’t get another chance of redemption after this. To spare their relationship anything more than grief and regret from this moment forward.
Despite how much she tries for it all not to feel real, not to feel so painstakingly true, it does. Not in the way that cold water sends a sharp burn or the breaking of a bone provides a sickening snap. Instead, in a true, gut wrenching way that sinks into every crevasse of her being, reminding her how fatal her mistake had been. Just how much it was bound to cost her.
At the end of it all she can’t help to think how destined she was for this to happen. How she never had been fit for that sort of love and adoration that Lily had given her so freely. She had to go and sabotage it for herself in some subconscious way. Because in the end it was no one else’s doing, all Pandora’s, and there’s nothing she can do to fix it now. It’s simply over.
#look at me actually writing for once#idk how I ended up with this tbh#originally i wrote this as jegulus#for a fic#but it lost the plot of the fic a bit#so it just was#but something seemed off#so I made it pandalily#and then I said to myself why not make it a proper microfic and not just a Drabble#so then I ended up with this#but pls take this as my apology for not writing recently#I kid u not this is the most I’ve written in months#anywho I hope u like it#and I’m actually really proud of myself for exploring angst with these gals#i rambled a bit#em’s microfics#pandalily microfics#pandalily#pandolily#pandora x lily#pandora rosier#lily evans
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#another bonus under the cut where i got up under their big head to get 'em a little closer and a little more front-facing#aggron#aggron is just cool. a big metal bitch who *could* hug you but is probably actually just gonna obliterate you. is that anything#i think i prefer lairon more. it's kinda just a little metal creature and i think that's awesome but aggron stands up#and normally i'm a big big fan of when pokémon stand up. when everyone wanted sprigatito to not stand up i was like#please stand up. because i am a furry and i knew it was gonna become favorite pokémon material if it did. and it did and meowscarada is#wonderful and i love it and it's one of my top like 10 of all time. but aggron is like. i dunno. a little too gruff for me#i think aron and lairon are cute and i'm generally a fan of and user of cute pokémon but aggron is very. how you say. aggressive#and also… ron… aggressive ron. new show on netflix i just reinvented aggretsuko but for pokémon#also weirdly every furry on the face of the earth likes aggretsuko but for one i've never had a netflix account and for two i just#don't ever watch shows. it's just not something that works in my brain. having to get them‚ and then just taking the time to sit down and do#it just never does anything for me. the last show i watched was because i was over at a friend's house and he was like hey. we're watching#this show now. i want you to see this show. and it's a show that folks generally lamented for a lot of reasons so i was like iii dunno about#that one! but he was like no trust me it's fine. and then i was like. kinda uninterested at first but it turned out to be really good#and i'm still ashamed. that i liked it as much as i did. so i will not say what it is. it's not supernatural. it's a short-ish show#but like it was good and i didn't expect it to be. which has nothing to do with aggretsuko OR with aggron for that matter#literally idk. look it's distraction (AGGRON DISTRACTION)
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god i cannot wait to be off these steroids…
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- it’s late n i’m kinda pent up abt this#i’m so TIRED of themmmm#i’m probs gonna be on them for the rest of the year. which SUCKSSS#i don’t like how many ppl comment on the moon face#i don’t mind it. like i look in a mirror and i’m okay.#it’s a little weird. but like. just because it’s different. like getting used to a new haircut#but every time i see someone for the first time in a bit it’s ‘woah your face got rounder’#and i have to go ‘oh yeah it’s water retention- steroids thing it’ll go away when i’m able to go off ‘em’#and they go ‘oh alright :) you still look good btw don’t worry’#and i just. i HATE how people talk about it!! like jfc. it’s so clear that they think it’s like kinda sad#my dad said he thinks it’s cute and he’s the only one i actually think is telling the truth there#my mom and i agree that it doesn’t matter. but even then she tries to tell me not to panic#like a little extra squish in my face is something to panic over#it’s so clear that so many people see it as another thing to pity#oh poor thing. has that chronic illness for the rest of her life. and the steroids made her jaw look rounder :(#like jfc i knew fatphobia was prevalent but come the fuck on. literally i’m like barely retaining water for steroids too#like. i’m still very much skinny (i JUST finished being malnourished ffs) but bc i’m retaining water in my face#now ppl feel the need to comfort me. over this tiny cosmetic thing that does not matter#like. i wouldn’t feel weird abt it if it weren’t for everyone else making it such a THING. why is everyone so weird about it#i’m not insecure about it but when ppl try to comfort me or go ‘it’s not that bad’ it makes me feel like i’m SUPPOSED to be insecure abt it#and it drives me NUTS. bc there are things about being on steroids that i would love to be comforted about#but the water retention is not one of them. i couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the water retention#y’know what i’d like to be comforted over? the mood swings. the irritability. the insomnia. the appetite fluctuation#the slow healing of skin. thinning and dryness in the skin. having to take like 3 other medications alongside the steroid#bc taking the steroid causes side effects that need to be medically treated or prevented#even outside of the steroid! i’d like some comfort about having to build back my stamina from scratch#i’d like some comfort about having the worst balance i’ve had in years#there’s. more to this. but i’m out of tags. maybe i’ll make some replies idk. i’m just. UGH
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Attempted to do a photoshoot for the one and only cosplay I'll probably ever do and. These are the only pictures I got that matter
#there were a lot of blurrier ones that were completely incomprehensible lmao#i did also get some decent serious ones but. idk if i'll post them/might save them for halloween or something. we'll see#i dont like taking pics of myself and i dont like sharing my face on the internet. it just so happens this particular character has bangs#and also sunglasses so it works out#nicholas d wolfwood#cosplay#trigun#rosie posting#cats of tumblr#i love my girl so so much. but lord she love gettin all in my business when im tryna do shit ykwim#taking pictures or drawing or whatever tf. it dont matter. she must be in the way <3#i went to put my clothes away and like. sure it's a relatively cheap suit but it still cost a good amount#and this goddamn cat is swiping and pouncing on my clothes as im tryna put em away like 😭😭😭😭 GIRL#anyway pretend ww has uhh curly hair. and literally no jawline. and also a normal/fat waist. and a thick ass neck jesus lordt#that's what my ww looks like <3 sowwy that's just how im built lmao#oh and the wrong nose. i have the wrong nose for every anime character 😔#bitch ass half white half pinoy got me out here lookin like a gotdamned Freak lol <3#the absurd amount of cookies in the past week probs hasnt been helping#i live alone and shit's hard yo 😭😭#this also means i took all my goddamn photos myself and thus. the excessive cat bombing <3
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i couldnt upload the audio like a normal person so heres this. gonna try to animate to it tomorrow :P
#my post#i love making audiossssssssssss#i have it like mapped out i just havent drawn anything yet#so the beginning 'i may not live to see out glory' n all that- thats diagetic thats all of em in lmanberg. rev era.#'raise a glass to freedom' is them going off to fight. 'something they can never take away' is the big battle#'no matter what they tell you (it was never meant to be)' is the fcr#(the short intrumental is tommy picking himself up looking furious)#'raise a glass to the four of us' is them getting their independance. 'tomorrow therell be more of us' yay niki n jack are here!!#'telling the story of tonight' is them all around a campfire having a good time. 'theyll tell the story of tonight' is a more closeup of#cwil still in this same moment and he just looks tired.#'raise a glass to freedom' is the election#'something they can never take away ( dear citizens tonight that changes)' is schlatt winning and banishing tommy n will#'no matter what they tell you' is wilbur in the button room#'(this isnt over) lets have another round tonight' uhhh idk man pogtopia things#'raise a glass to the four of us' is the four of em coming back together#'tomorrow therell be more of us' is the bit on the 16th where theyre charging off to battle on the railway. and wilbur lags behind and#watches them all run ahead.#'(it was never meant to be) telling the story of tonight' is wilbur pressing the button and lmanberg exploding#then its just the general chaos of the battle#'if we dont win this fight there will be no tomorrow' is a shot of tommy n tubbo sticking together. as they always do in a fight.#'let me tell you a story tommy' is technos big speech (i know it happens before wilbur pressed the button let me have this)#'nothing beside remains' is fundy standing over the ruins. and he looks up to see phil kill wilbur#the last 'story of tonight' shows the camarvan in old rev era lmanberg. at night. the lights are on and you can see people inside.#smilessss
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i know that i’m an outlier in this but why the fuck is everything in college so late
#em posts#why are all the events at fucking 9pm#and it’s not even like parties and shit#the fucking catholic student center mass is at 9:15#NINE AT NIGHT#and yk it’s gonna take like an hour and a half bcs it’s catholic mass#so then you won’t be back before 11#and it’s during the week too#like what the fuck are y’all doing#everyone’s bitching and moaning about not getting enough sleep#maybe if you weren’t doing supplies bingo until 10:30 you wouldn’t be tired#idk maybe i’m just an old loser#but if im not in bed by 9 something has gone awry in my life
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