#Still feel real sad and less-than just
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Getting triggered is the worst 0/10 do not recommend
#Also love getting triggered and NOT REALIZING YOU'RE TRIGGERED#I hate brains#Anyway thank u to those who put up with and supported my ramblings yesterday#Still feel real sad and less-than just#Less frantic today askdjnaskdjn#ANYWAY time to bury myself in fandom and shitposts before my doggo has a big appointment#Yadda yadda
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#me the past few days:#“why am I so anxious and scatter brained? why are my sh habits coming back? I'm doing fine. My pain isnt even that bad rn.”#i thought at first i was dehydrated because I've been drinking less water but i realized today#im fucking exhausted#a storm ripped the roof off the hospital where I work last week#so needless to say work's been fucking weird AND busy#I've been churning out art like never before since figuring out AMM#I'm trying to get my life together and feeling a real drive and motivation to do that#I've never been so burnt out on things that I love before#i also realized I'm still mourning my grandmother#that was still less than a month ago and fuck it I'm sad#i need to rest but just dont know how rn#maybe I'll figure out after work#i hope i do
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I shall watch the past 3 aipri episode I forgot about in the past 3 weeks
#so sad aikatsu isn't doing something about this lol#some real competition would make them feel less lazy#like… aipri is barely watchable for an adult… idol land is still far better than what Bandai wants to do with academy#idk if it's just me aka a person who don't get gacha games because#I NEED to constumize a character otherwise what am I supposed to do…#idk card games are super boring to me sorry
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#today I am sad about something that I know objectively is dumb#my 30th birthday is next week and the party will be next Saturday and I’m having a dinner at a nice restaurant in town#I wasn’t supposed to make it to 30 and never thought I would but now somehow I have and so this birthday is like…#a really huge deal to me you know#and I always wanted to be able to have a big party to celebrate this specific occasion and in my head I pictured all my friends/family there#I figured this would be one of the biggest parties I’d ever get to throw because to me this is the biggest milestone I’ve gotten to so far#but out of all the people I’ve invited the most that will probably reasonably show is about 10#and even that’s a bit iffy because tbh I’m pretty sure my bestie will flake on me like he always does#and if he doesn’t show up that might just end the friendship but that’s another matter entirely#also iffy because I haven’t gotten a lot of responses still even though I made the event and sent invites two weeks ago#I just… thought I had more friends than that if that makes sense#like I had bigger parties with more people attending in high school and I barely had any friends then#I’ve thrown low key Halloween parties in my mom’s apartment that had more people show up#now I’m at the most important moment of my life (so far) and I’ll barely have anyone with me#lately it just feels like less and less people care about me for real despite how many I know around work or how many are on my Facebook#it feels like my world keeps shrinking and I really don’t want that because it’s been small enough as it is#I just feel like I’m never really going to find my place or have big groups of friends like everyone else#I’m never going to have a group of friends or people I can rely on to spend time with me when needed#as it is planning things gets harder the older we get anyway just due to needing to tend to adult life#guess I still just want what everyone else has and I don’t know why I can’t have those things#and I know it’s stupid and selfish and whiny but I really want to cry because I’m so depressed that I have barely anyone in my life at all#barely anyone to celebrate something so important to me and so few who even seem to care at all either#I’m grateful for everyone I do have honestly#but that doesn’t offset this weird pain in my chest over this whole situation#maybe I should just curl up and cry until this all passes and I can go back to pretending it doesn’t matter#personal
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Out of all the things that threw me through a loop in the mario movie, the bros taking their gloves off was the most oddly jarring. I said out loud “they have flesh hAnds!-”
#y'know among other things#beating an absolute decomposed horse here but. Chris Pratt's voice acting was somehow. worse. than I was expecting.#the um. the random real songs? Mr. Blue Sky and Thunderstruck? that was weird#the other music was WONDERFUL#I know Mario has been canonically like 25 for a while but it's still weird seeing him with his young parents and being fussy about food#and playing video games in his lil teenager bedroom#speaking of- the Mario-hates-mushrooms thing? what?#and his personality in general was just fucking weird but it would have been less jarring without the. lazy shit voice. sorry. dead horse ik#thought there'd be more luigi tbh#kamek and bowser absolutely stole the show they were fucking great#peach was generic... I didn't dislike her but. myeh. another Illumination quirky girlboss go off I guess#Donkey kong was fun actually I rly liked him#his beef with Mario was entertaining#anyway ok enough about characters#the movie was a visual feast and the action scenes were. fucking excellent. so clever.#which. says. a. LOT. given how much I normally hate illumination movies visually#oh yeah toad. he was there. same way I feel about him in the games so#dude I kept my eyes PEELED for Funky Kong. he should've absolutely been the mechanic or SOMETHINg. so sad.#it's funny the longer the movie went on the more and more and more I realized. oh. this is an illumination movie alright#take that as you will#anyway I sound like I hated it I didn't I fucking loved every second of it#when you go into a movie with the mindset of ''I'm going to tear this to shreds as light-heartedly as possible'' you have a great time#and you get pleasantly surprised along the way!#like I said! visual feast! clever fights! some fun characters! music! background gags and easter eggs!#bowser!
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i ate a lot today, not as much as other days, but still im disappointed with myself and starting to feel sick. why cant i be good at restriction? god this makes me wanna sh so fucking bad
#tw s3lf harm#i dont even feel sick from eating too much like usual#its like the feeling of food in my stomach is making my throat feel tight and its activating my gag reflex a bit so i feel like im gonna tu#tw 3d shit#tw 3d vent#3d ana#not exactly pro a*a but not anti either.. :/#i want to post more in this community and get mutuals and get help with navigating this whole thing but im scared cause ive seen#so many people have their whole accounts deleted and i think i would actually kms if that happened since ive had my main for like 8 years#and to be clear im very pro recovery#which i know i know conflicts with the whole wanting mutuals to *help* me with an ed and not help me to *not* have an ed#i think everyone deserves to recover and i hope i do but right now is just not fucking it for me#so for not its a whole lotta#male thinpo#slef harm#right and i definitely cant talk about being b p d uncensored or ill get reported cause the b*d community is super toxic but in the way that#slef harm and scars are chillin but eds are actually a real struggle™️ and you should have it in secret like everyone else#not to generalize all pw b*pd obviously many and probably most arent like this#but tumblr is a very concentrated dose of that kinda person and its sad for us pw b*pd that are both kinds of toxic LMAO#i joke of course#anyway yeah pro recovery for sure but not currently in recovery#ana moots#body chex#someone who could help with that maybe idk im also kinda shy so maybe just someone to help me with restrictions and staying accountable#at least for now#also if you sh all the better cause i will wanna talk about that too#also to clarify my earlier statement 'not pro a*a' means i dont think and 3d is a lifestyle and i recognize that im sick#but 'not exactly anti' means im not going to avoid these communities or report people in them for being pro#because thats about as effective as throwing out an addicts stash or hiding sharp objects from a chronic sh'r- theyll still find a way#and probably way easier and faster than you think and theyll feel even more alienated and less inclined to seek help
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Accidentally logged into my old mistake blog and only notifs I had gotten in the past year were for that one post with almost 1K notes
And I remember absolutely hating it and now I have the reminder that I really don’t crave that kind of attention anymore
#there’s no real point to this just thoughts#I’m honestly happier sharing my work with a small group of friends and getting that validation#than managing accounts and worrying about putting stuff out in the wild#downside is it enables my hermit tendencies so I’m even less inclined to post#when I do have art#…not that I’ve had new art in MONTHS#(I say having opened an art show today with my stuff in the gallery)#(it’s just not the art you guys want)#something something notes and attention isn’t everything#there’s like a certain golden zone level of attention#below it you’re sad people aren’t noticing you#above it and you feel like shit and burnt out trying to appeal to everyone#I don’t give a fuck about feeding social media and esp algorithms anymore#Forreal though mental health improved when I stepped back more and found my group#getting too much attention when I was younger fucked me up#and I’m STILL working through the damage#which I know probs sounds like bullshit to people struggling for attention/recognition#but for me it’s true. maybe improves things for others#but for me it just enabled my worst tendencies that I even got praised for
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as a person w so goddamn much medical trauma the thought of having to go through the process to find a new doctor that is not just simply compatible w me, but who is also, like. u know. an actually nice, understanding person who will put genuine effort into taking proper care of me is so taxing. like i wish it was a simpler process, but it's not. bc i gotta deal w the very real possibility that by having to go through this process, my medical trauma will be worsened even further. & it is already bad enough that i have panic attacks every time i have to go to any sort of medical facility.
im literally so fucking furious over how much this happens. & that there's no fucking consequence for doing it to a Human Being. for tossing a Human Being that needs medical care aside like a piece of fucking trash. the american healthcare system is such a stupid fucking joke.
#mine#and it sucks bc tbh im at a point where i rly wish i could say 'fuck it' & just. not bother.#but i dont have a choice bc im on daily medications that i cant abruptly stop & Have to take to function#like i literally dont even know how to like. deal w processing the doctor my family has had for potentially decades just dropping me#outta nowhere. like damn i literally cant even trust the doctor literally my entire immediate family has seen for YEARS#to fucking give a shit abt me.#ive been through such an absurd amount of betrayals this year i literally feel like a broken shell of a person#im numbing. i really fucking am. what the fuck else am i sposed to do.#like... literally i feel so nauseous over this shit.#no warning. no head's up. just 'oh btw we're not treating [them] anymore.'#like ?????????????????#bruh this year has fucking brutalized my dissociation. i literally dont feel like a real person w feelings anymore.#bc ive just been treated like a piece of shit that's an inconvenience & a burden & worth more effort than i deserve to be granted.#it's so... just... idk. man. i dont even have it in me to be sad or hurt anymore#im just so fucking burnt out & exhausted. ive been wallowing in merciless agony since i had to move back in w my parents#i am genuinely BARELY surviving at this point & Still shit just Keeps Piling On.#i literally dont know what to do w myself anymore. im trying as hard as i fucking can but holy fucking shit.#i already have way less energy to spare than the average person bruh. it's ridiculous#im sick of being told it'll be ok. im sick of being told ppl feel sorry for me.#im sick of complaining. im sick of being miserable. im sick of feeling like this.#i just want to be done w all the hardships im so fucking exhausted i dont wanna be a person anymore man.#also like. v fucking taxing bc not every doctor can nor will prescribe my adhd meds.#so. like. that's also terrifying. nauseating to deal with.#i literally just want to give up bruh and not even in a suicidal way like i just am so sick of trying for nothing#i could do nothing at all and still be put through bullshit im over it all im so fucking over it.#never in my life has being told 'it'll be ok' felt more dismissive than it does this year but my god. does it feel so dismissive & taxing.#ive literally never not been more not okay than i have been this year. & i continuously get more brutalized no matter what.#it's exhausting as shit just let me fucking breathe what the fuck jfc.
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you know it's bad when you hit the 30 tag limit
#like shut up i wasn't done#i feel so unbearably hurt and betrayed like how can i be SO. unimportant to him so less of a priority that he's literally organising his#desk instead of talking to me taking five mins to talk to an agent book a ticket in tatkal#i told him i had to be back by 20 even before coming here on like 5th#and ive been reminding hin this everyday since after diwali#still he just. doesn't care?#and im his daughter? am i his daughter? does it even mean anything?????#ive never felt more alienated from my family than today#isn't it sad i don't even expect anything from mom all she does is tries to lighten the mood by making jokes#im so sick of her even the sight of her her voice makes me want to shout at her#i don't do it ofc but still#everyone is so selfish she's so selfish too she's always complaining about how i don't love her how i don't give her a chance#but that she'll stay away from all important thinhs that actually matter to me like what's the point of having a mother then??? i have my#siblings to listen to me i have my friends you i need u to be an adult and fucking help me in real terms#nvmind that path is just hopeless#anyway in tired of my small fucking life and my same small fucking problems and my own fucking self#everything would be okay if i just studied a little bit harder#idk ive been practicing saying it out loud that i can't study more than tui and after seven times i can say it out loud now#without crying or my voice watering#so hopefully it will go well#tho in my experience i never actually get to sya the stuff i practice to say to him because he dominates the convo so early so fast im#left speechless and shocked and on the verge of tears AGAUN#it's fine im calm now#but after crying headache ugh i did not miss u at all going back to storing all breakdowns in a bottle
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Anyway, hope you're all doing well
I just... I haven't slept and also I've got like... 2-4 days of tumblr to catch up on... mostly to make sure I don't lose anything I want to keep requeuing
In many ways I'm probably doing better than I have been in a long time... maybe ever, but... I've got zero focus, I can barely watch youtube videos, I certainly can't play games... I can't get myself to clean... I don't know man
It's like... it's like my mind's empty except for some thick clear goopy sludge... it's like being over at a strange house sat alone in a big room waiting for people to come back... not wanting to touch anything so you just sit there staring and feeling out of sorts, except it's just constant in my own house in my own room... just saw Bart flop down in front of my door and realized I'm so out of it I forgot I had cats
It's like I'm living every moment in the moment, but not in a peaceful way, in a I'm untethered from reality and trying to figure out plans or how to deal with getting everything sorted out is just kinda painful kinda way
Then my mood... well... I kinda have no mood. I'm fucking numb if I'm honest. I have flavor opinions like "I'm worthless and should kill myself", but I actually don't even feel depressed right now, I feel nothing
I don't see much point to my future even if everything goes great, and I would like to kill myself, but I have zero interest in even considering it right now even though I have everything I need around if I just stand up and take a single step
So... much as it probably sounds like I'm just pure in the trash right now, I'm actually in many ways probably doing better than I ever have before... I'm just also real messed up right now at the same time
I don't feel hopeful, I never feel hopeful, but I do feel like I can maybe guide shit into a good position, it's just once again I figure that even if I do everything I want to with being able to help other people out and stuff, I'll still just kinda end up alone in a crowd
You know... funny thing is I'm thinking "the fuck is even the point I wanted to make?", and I realize... my point was actually that I'm doing pretty good and not to worry... not sure how well I'm selling it, but it's true
I hesitate to assign anything to myself, my stance on me and anything I can't conclusively say tends to be no comment... but if I were looking at someone else describing what I'm feeling in my position, I might be inclined to say burnout... months of having to be on and clean and manage everything and... all that... well it's one explanation, who knows if it's correct
Anyway though, I'm good, don't worry, know I do appreciate you all and wish I had more brain power to say more to more people... it's just maybe kinda sad that this is my version of doing good... the fuck is wrong with me if I wake up everyday feeling like I've been beaten with clubs... and for me this is kinda peak... what's that say about my baseline?
Doesn't matter, only thing to do is keep moving forward
Guess insomnia paired with not really being able to think, like words just kinda pop out with no planning... guess it makes me ramble real bad, this was supposed to be like one or two paragraphs being positive
It's a Beautiful World
#mm tag so i can find things later#to be clear; I'm referencing the Devo song; and if you know the song... that's kinda a negative thing to say#it's a beautiful world... for you... it's not for me#that's the sentiment I express when I say that; just to avoid confusion... though... confusion I can't deny is also kinda the point#I like hiding things in plain sight; I like lies of omission#...but also... is it so bad to try and let people think I'm being more positive than I am seeing as people have a problem with how I am?#makes them sad; you know?#I'm not even meaning to be negative; I'm just trying to lay out my thoughts so people don't have to read my mind#I think people will probably read this and take it as extremely negative but... it more just is#my brain feels broken right now... that's not meant as doom and gloom... just a statement of fact#people always seem to worry about me... but... they kinda... worry about the wrong stuff#...they kinda... it's like if someone was really worried cause I skinned my knee and it looked real gross but was pretty surface#and I just couldn't get them to stop focusing on that and listen to the fact I had internal bleeding and that was much worse#it's not the fact I want to kill myself that's the problem; it's not that I can often be melancholic#it's all the systemic issues going on... the isolation; the... never feeling like I succeed... that kinda thing; you know?#the money and the getting things stabilized#even if life goes perfect and I even somehow get the stuff I think is literally impossible for me to get that I want so bad#...good chance I'll still be kind of melancholic#...but would that really be so bad? if I was just a little glum when it came to me?#despite the fact that with everything that's not me I say 'lets just keep moving forward and change what we can'?#despite the fact I tend to have a very upbeat... lets not dwell on the past; lets see how we can fix the now kinda mindset?#despite the fact I think I must seem a bit stupid and bumbling in person cause I always tend to be kinda 'it is what it is'?#just because I think bad thoughts and you hear how I think on here... my actions aren't enough to outweigh that?#clean all that shit; but I dare to not like myself very much... seems like weighing the two I really am just negative or whatever; eh?#and by god always make sure to tell me to get a therapist even though I'm both working on that and also it won't fix me#if therapy fixed me I'd be fixed at like 14; it's systemic shit; like I said... therapist can just help a bit#...what I really need is for more people to turn towards me a bit more... 20% of the time even... nah I don't want to elaborate#I don't want to phrase that the more understandable way; I want everyone to... miss it... I can't stand to be seen and then ignored... agai#wish people would worry a little less about me and help a little more... mostly by just being company#can't a body fall down stairs in peace? you know?
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becky (neighbor) moved out today and im highkey sad. we didn't talk or interact more than once a week or so but always in the back of my mind im like "well becky's down there" but now that's not the case anymore. she's my movie buddy and hacks fangirling buddy. we have fun together and enjoy long, deep talks. i've literally cried on her shoulder. she's watched max for me while i've visited family. we share internet for god's sake like ??????? what do i do now? she isn't here anymore.
i shouldn't be this upset about someone moving but i guess it's like not being able to call someone after they die. like you immediately and instinctively reach for the phone to call your dad but he's not there anymore. i think it'll hit me in waves honestly. i think a lot of this will also be influenced by losing katie hood. i feel the same way about becky moving as i did about moving away from katie when i was 9. it's not the same level of sadness but it's similar. there's a void now. there's a break in the status quo. i mean i ain't gonna be here much longer either, but for now it sucks because my friend moved :'(
#i'll be FINE#it's just sad#wah :(#meanwhile i've been looking at staten island rent prices versus stamford rent prices and i'm leaning staten island#it's less commute time to the other burrows and cheaper than CT#why i feel like i'm gonna be in the tri-state area hasn't been made clear yet. i still have yet to find a real job#so idk how or when or why i'll be moving but i just know that i will#irl post
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#fave#videos#thank yoooooooou#you get it#characters arent people and people arent characters#people irl deserve redemption. characters dont need to have redemption and sometimes its hurtful to the story if they do#i COULD make a redemption arc for zero-- but it would be stupidly complicated within my characters relationships given whats hes done in#the past. plenty of my ocs still would never want to be in the same room with him. it just adds unnecessary coffee au drama thats just not#the focus of my story at all. and hes not even a real person. hes an idea- an amalgamation of bad experiences I and others have had#manifested into one being that seeks to inflict these pains#likely his redemption arc would come from no longer being a vampire. but idk where he would go. and i really dont care to write it tbh#i have other minor antagonists I think would be better suited for a redemption arc than him. hes just done too much shit.#just in the same way a lot of azula stans would say ozai is irredeemable thats how I feel about zero.#and its how I feel about azula too tbh. yeah her story is sad and its possible to sympathize with but shes like a machine at this point#her humanity has been stripped away by her abusive father- and I dont think it would serve the narrative to have her suddenly appear#in a therapists office and crying about her trauma or whatever.#in this video he mentions how some ppl think its more 'realistic' to have her redeemed but... i really dont think it is bud#clearly you have not dealt with an azula in your real life. they're impossible to get along with and MOST people stop interacting w them.#they do end up isolated and alone bc of their actiosn. even if those actions are informed by a complex abuse system.#its sad but its also an important story to tell so people can at least maybe see themselves going down that route and stop themselves#characters help give examples to people of what would've happened if they made this or that choice. and thats the purpose azulas narrative#shows. irl people deserve a second chance and thats why we make these stories so they can know to try to avoid acting a certain way that#will only in the end harm their chance at a second chance.#not that its impossible- just that less people will be willing to go along w you on it than there would've been before you fell down hard
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While I’m still a bit bummed that they didn’t go with a more book-aligned POC Fiyero for the Wicked movie, I’ve been thinking (heheh) about how his being white highlights the really interesting foil relationship between him and Glinda (and, in many ways, the audience yourself).
At its core, Wicked is a cautionary tale about propaganda, (literal) scapegoating, and what it means to uphold the status quo. The audience is watching through Glinda’s eyes—it is through her, arguably the most beautifully tragic character of the show, that we learn how lonely life becomes when you forfeit your values in favor of systemic power and likability (“No One Mourns the Wicked” is, in many ways, about HER).
Now, this is where Fiyero’s whiteness can get interesting—if you consider him and Glinda to share roughly equal footing at the beginning in terms of privilege/how much they have to lose (applying our real-world lens of race and power here, where whiteness is the apex), his storyline essentially represents what could have happened if Glinda had made the brave (and arguably wise and loving, if you’re picking up what I’m putting down 👀) choice to go with Elphaba and fight the good fight (this is also why I feel like a queer reading of G&E’s relationship is almost implicit to the story, but I digress).
As the POC/marginalized allegory, Elphaba has much less of a real choice in her curtain-pulled-back turning point. But Fiyero and Glinda—both representing privilege—get to choose. So in Act II, we see the consequences of both the choice to stay (Glinda) and to go (Fiyero). In Fiyero’s case, his ultimate rejection of his own power, privilege, and even beauty leads to immense physical loss—including his own body—but that is then compared to the loss of love, community, and identity that we see Glinda left with by the end. And this brings us to the question that the audience is left grappling with: in an unjust system where loss is inevitable (a.k.a. our own world, as the Wizard himself represents), which of these things are YOU more willing to give up?
It’s important that Glinda is an empathetic character because, in reality, most people are going to be Glindas (obvi this is nuanced among us Elphabas of marginalized identities, but I’d still argue that there’s some level of Glinda in us all)—and it’s important to be rattled by the end of the show when you realize that she is the one who has the sad ending. But it’s also so important that Fiyero is empathetic (which I’m SO glad this movie leaned into)—because he’s ultimately who Glinda—and thus we, as the audience—should have been.
And especially given the state of US politics right now…this is just all more relevant than ever.
#I could go on about how the male and female gender roles/queerness also plays into these dynamics but I NEED to finish my grad apps hrrrr#soon maybe#also don’t get me started on the trump era of it all#WOOF I forgot how much I love this show#THE WORLD CAN FINALLY SEE WHY ITS BEEN ROTTING MY BRAIN FOR 20 YEARS#wicked#wicked meta#wicked spoilers#fiyero tigelaar#glinda upland#fiyeraba#gliyeraba#gelphie
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no sweeter innocence (than our gentle sin)
in which spencer reid is gentle with overwhelmed fem!reader after sex
18+ (fluff, implied intimacy) warnings/tags: it's just aftercare, but like psychological aftercare, implied intimacy duh, vague descriptions of sex but nothing explicit, hurt/comfort without the hurt, allusions to postcoital dysphoria, reader cries but its not really sad, spencer reid is so kind i wish men were real, i think that is all a/n: guess who wrote an entirely different thing instead of touching her wips..... AGAIN...... this bitch cant do anything omggg!! but this was based on a request so go me also what a strange time to be posting but it's only 1k words and nobody can stop me
“Hey. Are you with me, angel?”
You blink your eyes open in the dark room—reorienting yourself to the tangle of your bodies. How many minutes has it been?
“Hm?”
He chuckles—a quick huff from his nose as he brings a hand up to push hair from your face.
“I asked you if you’re with me.”
It takes you a moment to answer. You’re still trying to make sense of where you are in space, each sensation coming back to you one by one—the weight and pressure of him against you, the slip of cotton sheets and a cool breeze from the cracked window over your heated sticky skin.
“Oh.”
It’s not much of an answer and your voice is small. For a moment he lets it sit, cupping your warm cheek. Your eyes flutter shut again. His voice comes gentler, dipped in concern.
“You okay?”
This time you don’t try to speak. Your tongue is like a lead weight in your mouth and your brain is running on dial-up. The best you can do is to cling to him, hiding your face in the curve of his neck and hoping he’ll understand that your firm hold on him is a request for him to tighten his own arms around you, until you’re sure you won’t float away. He reciprocates and it makes you feel more secure immediately.
“Can you answer me?” He murmurs, all sweet solicitation, lips brushing the top of your head in this new airtight position. And then, a moment later— “Baby. I wanna hear your voice.”
“Mhm,” you manage.
Spencer rewards you by rubbing your back in slow circles. His hand feels nice on your bare skin. The way you love him is too big for words. It could make you cry.
“Wasn’t too much? You’re not hurting anywhere?”
You shake your head and try to ignore the ache in your bones when you can’t seem to get him close enough.
“Mm-mm.”
It’s not entirely true—your legs are sore, but it’s nothing that needs tending to, and your lower back is a bit crampy, but he’s already working on that.
He hums. “You’re pretty out of it, sweet girl. What’s going on with you?”
Spencer is always careful with you. He’d never hurt you, or sacrifice your comfort for his pleasure. That said, he’s just as passionate as you are. The stretch of your arms above your head is still fresh in your mind—the ghost of his grip, pressing your wrists into the mattress, or pushing your leg up, or pulling you exactly where he wanted you by the hips. It’s all wonderful, and you never feel safer than you do when you’re with him, but it doesn’t make you feel any less vulnerable, any less raw, after all is said and done. Maybe it’s precisely because you trust him so much that you’re so sensitive afterward. But he never, ever makes you feel bad for having an intense reaction to an intense experience. He always meets you where you’re at. That in itself makes you emotional. Spencer is different than any of the partners you’d had before.
Again, he’s patient as you try to process his question and work up a response. Maybe a minute later, you’re breathing out something that feels true.
“Overwhelmed.”
The word is a tap against glass you didn’t know was there until it’s fracturing like a spiderweb. With no warning, and for no good reason, you find yourself choked up.
“Oh,” he says, sympathetic and drawn out as understanding sets in. “Do you need me to back off for a minute?”
You squeeze him even fiercer and shake your head, unable to stop the tears from drawing their shiny paths down your cheeks and sinking into the weave of the pillow case.
“Shh. You’re okay,” he murmurs, quiet and slow and almost sing-songy as he smooths your hair, though you know he doesn’t really expect you to stop crying. “You’re okay, pretty. Remember what I said about all the hormonal shifts in your body after you come?”
Once more you nod against him with a small, shuddering sniffle.
“And how sometimes your body regulates by crying? Kind of like a… a reset button?”
“Mhm.”
“Mhm.” He shifts from rubbing your back to tracing light lines in shapeless patterns with the blunt edges of his nails, and your breath catches before you’re melting in his hold. “It’s okay to have big or confusing feelings after sex. It’s actually really common. I just want you to be honest with me about those feelings, right? So we can keep you safe?”
“Right.”
“Would you tell me if you were hurting, or if something I did or said was bothering you?”
“Yes.”
If you were looking at him you know he’d be smiling ever so slightly at your monosyllabic responses, charting an upward path with his hand and pushing it through your hair at the nape of your neck. “You can just nod, baby. You don’t have to talk. I know you’re tired.”
You make a small noise of gratitude and nuzzle closer, feeling better as the tears slow, quickly as they’d come.
“Do you want a bath in a little while?”
Another nod. He scratches at your scalp. “Okay. We’ll do a bath, and then dinner, and then I’m finally going to make you watch that documentary about Helvetica. It’s a little outdated, and there are a few basic errors about the origin and development of the font as well as misinformation about the typeface subgroup in general, but I can amend those as we watch and afterward we can read the director’s tenth anniversary statement. I was waiting to read it until we watched it together.”
Spencer knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’ll fall asleep ten minutes in, curled up on the couch under a blanket in your biggest hoodie with your head on his lap and his hand in your hair, just like this.
He’s actually really looking forward to it.
#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid smut#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds fic#criminal minds imagine
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Call It What You Want
husband!pedro pascal x younger!reader
summary: you and pedro are married, but you've kept it a secret up to the point you sometimes forget there's supposed to be a golden band on your finger. but then you both get cast in your first movie together. the chemistry is off the charts, and it starts to catch upon you: will the lines between shipping and reality finally blur?
warnings: 18+ (minors dni), age gap (ñom), smut, dry humping, oral (m. receiving) while pedro wears the skirt™️ (welcome to another episode of the writer's barely disguised fetish), p. in v., teeny bit of angst because i malfunction if i don't bring sad vibes to the function, the worst ever attempt of comedy witnessed by human kind, they're so down bad it hurts, jealous!reader, possesive!pedro, reader speaks spanish and may or may not have direct/indirect latino blood somewhere, use of spanglish but no translations ☹️ (boo go do your homework, citizens. that's what u get for making my dieter bravo fic flop BYE), i transcripted two real interviews for this so keep those likes, reblogs and comments up in the air where i can see 'em 🪓🪓
word count: 11,706 words
side note: hello! this is me, sliding my cv to become president of the pedro pascal fics. i'm kidding, just on duty to fulfill another request 🫡 believe it or not, i envisioned something like this but for myself IJBOL we have to keep the delusional levels UP!! i hope this meets ur expectations, it was fun to write :)
"Please welcome, the internet's newest darling, Y/n L/n!"
You walk into the set, cameras flashing bright and the band playing on the back. You hug Jimmy Fallon, and when he notices your body trembling he tells you everything will be alright. So did your manager before you stepped inside, but you can't help the nerves. You've never been this big before, and now it's all coming down together without letting you breath.
You take your seat and so does Jimmy.
"Hello, Y/n. This is your first time here, right?"
"Am I being too obvious?" you snort. The crowd laughs with you.
"Don't worry. It happens, especially when you're so young"
"Oh, please" you blush. "I can promise you there are kid actors who could handle this better than I am right now"
"Kid stars?" he lets out one of his famous cackles. "No need to be humble. You are great! Let's just talk about the year you've had: big breakout roles, ascend to fame, you're rocking it!" the crowd cheers, and you again turn into a flustered mess.
"Yeah, I suppose. It's hard to dimension when you've started as an extra for popular shows, to now being, you know, the main face of projects. But I could get used to it" you smile, "it's been a dream. I still can't believe it sometimes, look- I'm shaking"
The camera pans closer to the hand you're showing to Jimmy.
"Oh my God, even big stars like you get nervous"
"Big star? I wish I could feel like a constellation. I'm feeling more like a red dwarf star, baby"
The whole place bubbles in laughter. You feel better, your manager even giving you a thumbs up from behind the cameras.
"So, Y/n" Jimmy says once the laughter dies. "You just got casted in the upcoming Gladiator II movie, directed by Ridley Scott. How does it feel to be on your first big movie, alongside names like Paul Mescal, Denzel Washington and Pedro Pascal?"
You try to steady your heartbeat. "First of all, I have to say, it's such an honor to work with Scott. I grew up watching his movies. Like, Thelma and Louis is definitely my go-to movie. So, like, getting paired with such a talented cast is as awesome as terrifying" you answer with a laugh.
"Talking about that, you see" he leans closer, like he'll tell a secret. "I've heard things about you and a certain future co-star of yours"
You shift your position on the couch, your ring(less) finger itching. You have to avoid breathing in relief when Jimmy pulls out a picture.
"Oh. My. God"
He stiffles a laugh. No way. Has the room's temperature suddenly gotten hotter? Why is your face burning?
"Will you tell us the story behind this?" he asks, the camera focusing on the picture in question. The audience laughs, and you pray to God this is a nightmare, because it's too much embarrasment for a human to bear.
"Okay" you clear your throat, coughing awkwardly. "For my 25th birthday, I uploaded a bunch of pictures on Instagram, including ones where I was a teenager" you begin to giggle, "So. Um, there was this one, you see, that's, me, in my childhood home's bedroom, and my fans were quick to notice the poster above my bed"
"You mean, this one?" and Jimmy points it out. You cover your face with your palms. "It's a... Narcos poster" the audience laughs as you get redder. "A Pedro Pascal's Narcos poster"
"I know" you groan. "Picture this: me 18, and while my friends had posters of their favorite bands and artists, I was so different because I had a whole ass poster of a crime drama show about the world's most famous drug dealer on my bedroom" you recall with a laugh. "It was hard to explain to my mom. I believe she thought I wanted to sign for the DEA or something. When I told her I was going to be an actress, she was so relieved! She said: Oh, well. You'll die, but of hunger! Not a bullet in your head, at least"
"Oh. I'm so sorry. You proved her wrong though!"
"I did! Don't worry, Jimmy. She's my biggest fan now" you look at a specific camera before saying, "Te amo mami!"
"I see you speak spanish. I sometimes forget" he comments. "You've got one thing in common with Pedro, it seems. Think that'll make working with him less awkward?"
"I just hope he forgives me or I'm capable of moving out of the country and changing names" you giggle. "Pedro, lo siento!"
"Well, that's Y/n L/n, everyone! Pedro Pascal's number one fan" you burst out laughing in shame. "More on her lastest movie after the break"
mandoshoney: tell me i'm not the only one who started shipping pedro pascal and y/n l/n PLEASE can't wait to get content of them interacting ㅤㅤann-gell: mandoshoney y/n's pedro pascal's controversially young gf era starts now! i wonder how the press tour for #gladiatorII will go 🤔 unhing3dprincess: i bet my grandma they are dating ㅤㅤstarlightt180: unhing3dprincess ptwt can never tweet like normal ppl…wdym you're betting your grandma?!!!?
You were never a fan of secrets.
But then Pedro waltzed into your life with his charming smile and iconic mustache, and before you knew it, you had married him off in some church in California one random sunday morning ("I love you so much, can't wait to marry you, cariño" "If you can't wait any longer, why not now?")
Flash forward, four years later, and you'd think such event would be plastered all over the internet. But there is a reason why only you, family, a selected number of friends and your agents knew: you kept it a secret.
To the world, he was Chile's most elegible bachelor and you were a young rising star. The public loved both of you for the same reasons: charming persona and acting skills. Yet inside the privacy of your home, he was Pedro and you were y/n, wife and husband; he was yours as you were his.
And of course, no marriage is perfect, and your first real challenge is rather funny: you both get casted in your first movie together.
It shouldn't be hard, but it is. Being inside the Gladiator II set during seven months, so far away yet so close at the same time, was torture. You were Rome's empress and he's Marcus Acacius, yet behind the scenes, the actual married couple were you both.
It was hard to pretend you didn't know what he looked like without clothes when he wore his bathing suit, or that you didn't know his favorite food when Paul asked, or acting like you weren't interested in dating when a local in Malta during your trip at the beach asked you out (he didn't know who you were. You were flattered when he called you pretty in such a hot European accent, but then Pedro appeared from seemingly "nowhere" and you remembered what your real favorite accent was. He immediately called you bonita after that)
It was so hard to keep hands to yourself when he walked by you, covered in fake blood. To not think about licking it all over and under his armour. So was to pretend the thought of dry humping him with his Roman skirt on wasn't tempting. Or that the urge to kiss him got harder and harder to fight each passing day, even getting to a point where you would envy Connie for being able to kiss your husband in the open more, a privilege you didn't have.
You were loosing your mental health here. But Pedro was no better.
It was so hard to see you, the Moroccan sun shining over your features like you were an angel. Otherworldly. That he'd see red when you'd finish filming a scene with Joseph, forcing himself to interrupt the small chat you'd engage in after. He too couldn't keep pretending he didn't want to tear off those silk dresses out of your body, and kiss you out in the open like Joseph did.
He almost failed once, cornering you in the hallway of the hotel you were staying. His hot breath lingered on your neck. I miss you, he had said. You felt his hard brush the inner of your thigh. We can't, you whispered in a dragged out voice.
It was hard.
So you gave him your used panties, and you swear you could hear him jacking off in the bathroom of his room, next to yours. He'd screamed your name, and your hand had found it's way to your dripping cunt, doing what he was supposed to do; touching you the way he did. And you came, drowned out moans against your pillow. But it wasn't like when he did it.
But God has heard your prayers.
For the first time in weeks, you're lucky. You find Pedro sitting alone in the cafeteria, his phone in hand. He's still wearing his armour and skirt, not bothering to change for the break. You aren't God's strongest soldier, but you're trying not to go down on him so badly right here and now.
"Hey" he raises his head when he hears your voice, smile adoringly. It only grows wider when he notices you alone. "Thought you'd never get rid of Paul. He's like, stitched to you"
"Same can be said about you and Joseph" you sit across him, and despite most of his tone being playful, there are still hints of jealousy behind. It arouses you deeply, and with this hot summer day above you, your skin isn't the only thing that's getting sticky.
"In case you haven't read the script, I'm his wife" you wink. "Sorry this is how you find out"
He laughs loudly, and God, how have you missed that laugh. Sure, it's been there when you've been out with the cast together, but it doesn't tingle your chest as when you're the cause of it; it feels like it's for you only, and that's what makes it special.
"I miss you so much" he whispers, his hand sliding across the table, finding yours. His thumb carresses your soft palm, and you melt under Pedro's tender touch.
"I do too" you sigh, but it's instantly replaced by what could only be described as a smug face. You lean closer, whispering on his ear, the warm meeting cold. He shivers. "Wanna know something?"
"I'm all ears"
"I just came back from walking. Guess what?No one is 'round here" you lean back against your chair, shit-eating grin on your face as all his body tenses up. "Made sure of it. The trailer zone is empty too"
Pedro gulps, his adam's apple bobbing as his eyes look at you.
"Y/n" calling your name as a warning.
"What? Can't a girl find ways to have her husband all for herself?" you snort. "Please say yes" you let go of his hand, but the free fingers now travel across his broad chest, taunting him. "C'mon, we both deserve a break"
He can't say deny you anything, can he? You know it, he knows it.
Before you register, his big hand engulfs yours as you run across the set. You giggle at his rushed steps, even more when you stand before his trailer and he's fumbling his slippery hands with the doorknob, sloppy movements erratic.
"But you told me to stop" you tease, and he doesn't even let you add more because he's pushing you inside, forcing you with rough calloused hands to a chair and then you to sit over his lap.
"Fuck, babygirl. I've spoiled you way too much" he groans against your lips. "Lo sabes, ¿verdad? Just can't say no to you"
Your eyes darken dangerously, the hunger on them mirroring his own.
"How could you ever say no to this?"
You press your chest against his broad one as your lip bites into his lower one, teasing. Pedro feels his underwear getting tighter when your tongue finds its way inside his mouth, even getting a glimpse of the taste of the strawberries you had earlier before.
He deepens the kiss, and when you pull away to catch your breath, he doesn't waste his lonely mouth and busies himself with the task of kissing your sun-kissed neck, licking and pressing his lips under your jaw. Pedro goes even lower, down until he's reached your collarbone, making you groan a bit under his wet sloppy needy mouth. He's enjoying how putty you are under his intense kissing, fingers in his curls, that have begun to damp under the ablaze of the small space and pleasure that fills the air.
"Kiss me again in my lips" you whine after a while of him teasing you with kisses that get only rougher. "Pretty please, papi"
You cup his face in your hands, and Pedro's back to kissing you in the mouth, tasting all of your insides as he hasn't had in what feels like a lifetime.
"Of course, baby. Missed this pretty mouth" he mumbles in between hot kisses, his now growing boner pressing into you.
"Baby" you giggle. The skirt he's got on may hide it, but your fingers refused to wait, pulling it up. His bulge presses against the shorts he's got under the skirt, and you can feel your pussy and mouth drool. "We have to do something about this big boy" your hands pull down the short, leaving just his underwear on. He's about to remove the skirt, but your demanding hands stops him. "This stays"
His brown concerned eyes make you laugh, but you don't give him time to think about it, rather grinding against his erection. Pedro's breath hitches when he feels your daring movements, bucking his hips against yours.
The friction is addicting, and he captures your lips once again to make you feel what he can't with words: how fucking good this feels.
You keep moving over his aching dick. Your husband throws his head back, groaning in pleasure at the way your hips move against him, knowingly. His hands find their way to your ass under the flowy almost translucent skirt you chose to change in, gripping the rosy skin tightly, hands almost covering all of it.
"You wore this for me, right, cariño? Knew I couldn't say no" he groans, firm hands on your cheeks, the grinding meeting his hips now harsher. "Less with you walking around with this slutty skirt of yours"
You make little sounds he's obssesed with, dripping out of your filthy mouth.
"Fuck" Pedro groans after a while, "I need to have you, mami. Missed you so much" eager fingers make it to your top. He growls, deep within him―guttural, ready to pull it off as he mumbles naughty wife when he realizes you got no bra on, chastising you for a "rushed" plan that seemed planned all along, when a sound cuts through the air.
You both stop.
The sound gets clearer.
It's a knock. A knock at his door.
A knock in Pedro's trailer.
And you are inside. Both.
While you're grinding him.
With his skirt on.
(It's time to build a bomb and kill yourselves off and whoever is stading behind that door)
"Pedro!" a familiar accent calls. Peudrou. It's Paul. "Hey, man. Just wondering if you are here"
He's debating on speaking up when he sees your red face and rising-falling chest before him.
"Answer" you whisper breathlessly. He tries not to groan when he fills you slip out of the spot in his middle while also trying not to think about murdering Paul as soon as he gets out.
Aside from the order, you're unexpectedly quiet, and Pedro quirks an eyebrow at you. He knows you better―you're his wife after all, and if there's something he's aware of, is your inability to loose.
"I'm here" tone clipped and annoyed. But no footsteps backtracking are heard: the Irish man is still there.
You bite your lip, watching the skirt with his legs spread, a sight too tempting. Also, he was still hard, as hard as the task to not go and keep doing your job.
Oh, fuck this shit.
Your devilish hand equals the grin in your face, fingers making their way toward his unattended bulge.
"What are you doing here?" Paul asks, but Pedro's attention has completely deviated, now focused on how they land right over his clothed dick, skirt pulled up by your other hand. "I thought you were at the cafeteria"
"Yeah?" but it comes out strained, yet the younger man doesn't notice or comment.
His hips raise when your fingers press his member, massaging it.
"Yeah" he uses a tone that equals a duh. "You texted me yourself"
Pedro rolls his eyes, wishing desperately he would go away, annoying him just as much as a fly hovering above fresh food. Talking about food, fuck, weren't you hungry? He tried to warn you, holding your wrist, but all resolve was lost the moment you looked in his eyes: he immediately pulled down his briefs, dick sprouting hard.
"Well, changed my mind" his tone falters in between words, member now free from the confines of his tight underwear.
"Are you tired, man? You sound tired" Paul comments on his tone. "Came to rest?"
You spit on your hand, and he gulps.
"Somethin' like that"
You start to jerk him off, leaving little wet kisses and licks just above his dick. Pedro's eyes are hypnotized, glued to every lick of yours across his girth, the spit making your movements smoother. Sexier. Fuck.
"Well, sorry to break it to you but rest time is over. They want us back on set now"
Your tight needy lips are wrapped around his his length and it's so hard to keep the talk normal when he justs wants to yell at Paul to fuck off. Your hand is there too; you are as of help as much as you aren't.
"I'll be there, Paul, just―Fuck!"
But his attempt to cover a moan doesn't go unnoticed.
"Are you alright in there?" he tries to enter, but Pedro locked the door. He's yelling he's fine, but Mescal doesn't sound convinced. "I can't go inside; it's locked. Are you sure you are okay, mate?"
"Didn't want you to take a picture of me drooling on my sleep" he manages to get out in a monotone voice. A real win if you take into account you've gotten to a point where you squeeze under his cock, massaging his balls.
"Smart move!" he chuckles from outside. "I guess I'll see you there"
Pedro covers a moan with his palm as he's throwing his head back in pleasure. He can feel his orgams looming over, minstrations growing sloppier around his pulsating cock, the need to fill your greedy evil mouth with his seed making him sick. He's a simple man: he just wants his pretty wife to fuck his cock silly and come in her mouth in peace. Is that so hard to get this days?
Paul seems to be finally gone as Pedro can't keep containing his grunts anymore, steps moving: until said steps sound closer again.
"Oh, I almost forgot, have you seen Y/n? I can't find her anywhere" it's coming. His orgasm is coming in the absolute worst moment. He can feel you gagging at his hard rock cock, hitting the back of your throat now. Still, your hands don't loose their grip on his cock and skirt, determination filling that sexy little body of yours. It was rather admirable the effort you were putting in this. "Think she went to the beach? She said she loved it. God, that little rebel. Anyway, if you see her, tell her-"
He leans his head back once again, seeing stars. No one knows him like his wife, truly.
The sight of you drooling from your chin, the wet sounds of him fucking himself onto your mouth as your spit-coated fingers pump his girth, you gulping down the precum from his tip, his fingers holding your face roughly by the cheeks...
"Yes, Paul, yes!" Pedro barks, barely hiding the moan that erupts from his ribcage, thick shots of his hot cum hitting your tongue and deep of the throath. "Fuck off and let me get ready"
"Jesus, mate, chill. I'm sorry. See you there"
And Paul Mescal's hovering fly ass is finally gone.
"Poor Paul" you say as soon as you pull off his length, voice raspy as you huff for air. Pedro lovingly cleans rests of your saliva and his cum from your chin as he chuckles at how much audacity, courage and horniness could fit in such a small young body. "You've ruined the friendship"
"You think?" he licks off some as you sit on his lap again, tongue directly on your face. You feel aroused again, but time's up. "It's your fault. That and this"
He points down.
"Just as you used that pretty head of yours to think of the trouble you just made, think of an excuse for Mr. Ridley about the skirt"
at0michips: wait wdym paul is sick??? ㅤㅤl-u-n-a-m: at0michips he's died vnightx: i'm wondering who'll do now the do you even know me interview with pedro now :( i was so excited!!! hope they don't cancel it :( ㅤㅤunhing3dprincess: vnightx i bet my grandma it's y/n ㅤㅤat0michips: unhing3dprincess why do u keep betting ur grandma omg 😭😭😭
"You know what I think would be fun?" Pedro comments while you wait for the interview's set to be prepared.
Tour press has finally begun. That meant you could go home for a while after the filming wrapped, just to be back for the promotion of the film. You were excited of course, the experience new and thrilling. After much needed battery recharging and husband/wife time, you were ready to take over the world.
But then Paul got sick.
Today's interview was scheduled to be him and Pedro, but since he was unavailable, they paired him with you, since you both spoke Spanish (which felt slightly racist in your opinion), and because Fred and Joseph were already paired up for the other.
You leave your coffee, knowing he's about to say something stupid or endearing, perhaps both, brown liquid probably spilling out of your mouth. Or worst, nostrils.
"Tell me"
"What if we left little hints that we're together?" his smile is one of mischief. "Like you could wear my cap, or I could wear a chain with your initial around my neck, like Ryan Gosling did at the Barbie premiere"
"Or as Taylor Swift sang" you counter. "But Pedro, dear, you're underestimating our fans. You don't think they'll match it sooner than we think?"
"Maybe" he agrees. That's just what I want. "What's funny is we're about to do a type of interview where we could blow our cover"
"Maybe" you repeat, "or maybe you don't know all about me as much as you think, Mr. Pascal"
He fake gasps, feigning hurt. "Is this a dare, Mrs. Pascal?"
"No" you try to be mature for once, cutting the banter as much as you'd like to go on and kiss him right there. "Also, remember to answer incorrectly sometimes, you know..."
"There's no way I'm letting you win though"
"Pedro, no seas necio!"
The producers arrive just in time to let you know it's ready.
"After M'lady" he's back to being charming as he is, not as husband charming but just Pedro Pascal charming. The nerve of this guy to do it in front of the LADbible crew.
"Whatever" you grumble, the nerves getting the best of you as you realize this interview may or may not give away more than you've been allowed before.
"Hello, I am Y/n L/n" you present yourself. Wow, the camera is really close. This isn't going to end well.
"And I'm Pedro Pascal"
Hearing his voice soothes you. It's okay, y/n, you got this. "And this is Do You Really Know Me- No wait, it's do you even know me. Okay, let's start again: Hello, I'm Y/n and this is-"
"I don't even know anymore" Pedro jokes, making you laugh. "Do you even know me?" he asks while looking forward, now making the crew laugh.
"This is Pedro Pascal, that'll do" you sigh.
"This is gonna be sad, she's not going to know any of these" he says, but in reality, he's mocking you, the mischief in his eyes glowing as he only looks at you tauntingly.
"Same can be said about you" you tease, "we're like a million years away"
"That's not true!" he gasps, "I watch your every move" punctuating each word. God, you try not to make a face. "I have Google alerts on you"
If he was gonna play, so were you.
"Glad to know I have you alerted" with the sweetest voice ever, seeing how his friendly façade falters for a bit at the tone you've used. You laugh, and Pedro takes the chance to laugh it off too.
After the introduction, they ask one of you to keep score, and you offer yourself because, well, you don't trust Pedro.
"I'll go first" you say. "Which was my first ever role in the industry? As an extra during an episode of Stranger Things, as a voice actor in A dog's purpose" you can't help but laugh, "or as a back-up dancer in Hustlers?"
"In Hustlers?" Pedro inquires in disbelief. "You're telling me you were in Hustlers?! I didn't even know you could dance!"
Lies. You and Pedro sometimes put some bachata and dance in the kitchen. God bless Juan Luis Guerra.
"Jennifer Lopez and I are practically besties" you answer nonchalant.
You know the answer. He does too. But he chooses the last one for comedic purposes.
"I'll go with Hustlers. Now that I'm looking at you, you do have a... dancer face"
"It's okay, you can say the forbidden word. I'll take it as a compliment" you laugh, "you're wrong, though. The answer is Stranger Things"
"No way!" and it sounds as if he genuinely didn't know. Good lying son of a bitch; Jim Carrey on Liar, Liar would've been proud.
"Yes. If you look in the background of season two, on this one episode where Nancy and Steve appear to have broken up during a halloween party, you can see me drinking from a cup on a corner"
"That's so crazy"
"Yeah, I was twenty already, yet playing a highschooler" you giggle. "Wow, time flies by. Anyway, we're both at zero. Your turn"
"What film did my dad not let me see at the cinema when I was, uh, ten years old?" Pedro reads from his card. "Rambo: first blood, The Breakfast Club, Day of The Dead"
"I'm going to base this in the year you were born. Okay, so 1975. Let's see" one of the things Pedro loves about you is that you're like a film encyclopedia, but right now, that'll cost him a point. "They all came out the same year, and they were also R rated. Hmmh, I'll choose The Breakfast Club"
Your analysis was just mindless bragging really. You knew the answer the moment he started reading the question, because the anecdote came during a time he heard you listening to the movie's soundtrack ("Did you know that my dad...")
"You complain about Paul all the time, but you're just the same" he comments. "She's a real competitor, people!"
You flush in embarrasment. "Okay, that's one for me. Next question" you read the card in your hands. "What pet do I own? An orange cat named Louis after my favorite singer, a fish, or a Shih Tzu named after my brother"
The orange cat lives with you both. You're curious as to how he'll answer.
"You aren't naming a Shih Tzu frickin' Fernando" he laughs, so loud, it ends up catching up to you and the crew. "I'll go with the cat"
"That's correct" you lament. "How would you know?"
As if the damn cat doesn't love him more than he loves you.
"I follow you on Instagram" he defends himself. Clever. "We are, um, what do you call it-"
"Oomfs"
"I'm not gonna try to pronounce your made up language. Okay, my turn. Which of these characters I've played in Saturday Night Live? Naughty daddy, protective mom, or weird uncle who has a creepy sneeze" he reads out loud in a confused tone.
This is easy. It was all over your timeline.
"Protective mom" you answer on a beat.
"This isn't fair, that was really popular!" he complains.
"It's still two for me and one for you" you mock. "Now, what is the nickname the internet has given me? I won't give you clues because it's an easy one"
"Easy? You said we were million of years apart and now I'm supposed to know?"
"Well, you seem to manage Instagram so I think you'll be just fine" you tease, and Pedro just wants to rip that smirk off of you. So he caves in first.
"It's people's princess"
"What?!" your eyes grow comically large, shimmering with betrayal as you shout with an incredulous tone. "I can't believe you know" more like can't believe you said it.
"You're royalty! How am I supposed to not know that, internet darling? Besides, told you: I keep my eye on you" and he winks.
This motherfucker. Oh, he's totally sleeping on the couch tonight.
"Talk about internet darlings" your snarky tone comes out, and Pedro knows he's pissed his competitive wife off. "I guess we have a tie. Your turn"
"What are the initials of my full name?" his brows furrow. "I forget. JBPP, JPBP, JBPP"
"José Pedro Balmaceda Pascal" you recite. "B, of course"
"But that's too easy, everyone with Google knows it!" but then he's leaning into your ear, whispering in a very low voice to make sure only you hear. "I'll let it pass, though. Love hearing you pronounce my name, mami"
Your face grows obscenely red. "I'm back ahead. Let's see if you can keep up. Okay, here it goes" you read the card, "what is the director I've stated I want to work with? Greta Gerwig, Pedro Almod��var, or Quentin Tarantino"
"Pedro Almodóvar, no? You said you were jealous I had already worked with him" he playfully nudges you. Too much contact, face hot again. Maybe in group interviews you'll do better, because right now, you're doing a rather poor job at controlling yourself, even as an actor; you can already picture your agent pulling her hair behind the cameras.
"It's Greta Gerwig, actually"
"What?! No way, you told me this!" he grumbles. "This game is rigged"
"Don't get me wrong, I'm still jealous. I just think working with Greta Gerwig is peak womanhood, and I gotta live that. So, Greta, if for some reason this silly video gets to you, call me. I promise I'm not that childish"
"She is" Pedro slips in, "don't call her. So unprofessional" in a mocking exaggerated tone.
"Whatever, you sore looser. Me three, you two. Next!"
"Fine. Which of these songs would I have played at my funeral? My Heart Will Go On, Purple Rain, Nothing Compares To You"
He looks at you, silently pleading you to not answer correctly. Your competitive side screams in agony.
"I have no idea. Why do I feel you've already said it somewhere, though? I'll go with Nothing Compares To You, because the first its too corny for you and the second too epic"
He scoffs, amused at the fact that you did obey, but at what cost? Pedro's well aware his princess can get as competitive, if not worse, than Paul.
"You're saying I'm not epic enough for Purple Rain? Too bad, because that's the answer" you grunt, crossing your arms. "That's right, I am cool enough to have it played. I guess we're tied again!"
"No, you don't loose a point. It's still three to two. This just gives you the opportunity to tie"
"W-wait a minute"
"Settle down" you pat his thigh, "you can still try, handsome"
He gulps when your hand meets his skin, despite the layer of clothes. It's still something that gets him on edge, no matter the years you've known each other. And handsome? You came here for blood.
"Okay, here's your chance: what image of me became trending topic on twitter? An image of me eating a typical dish from my country, an image of me watching Deadpool and Wolverine with glasses while Hugh Jackman's shirtless scene reflects on them or C, me meeting Taylor Swift at the backstage of the Eras Tour"
"The typical dish is tempting" he muses out loud, "but I'll go with the Taylor Swift one because that sounds like something that'd trend"
"You're right" you throw your card. "I'm not complaining though. Best day of my life"
"Does this mean I'm winning?" he beams excitedly. "Oh, in your face Paul! I will finally win something!"
"Slow down, cowboy. There's still some left"
He purses his lips. "Let me have this one thing, would you? Guess not. Here it comes" he starts to read his card, "At school I competed in state competitions, in which sport? Soccer, lacrosse, swimming"
"Swimming" you answer hastily, trying not to think on Pedro wearing tight little swimsuits, as you've only seen him wearing swim trunks.
"Okay, that's dissapointing. Please continue"
"I participated in which play while I was in highschool? Hamlet, The Iliad or Much Ado About Nothing"
You doubt he remembers. The only time it ever came up, was when you visited your parent's house and a photography of you during said play was showed to him by your dad.
"The Iliad, right?" you laugh. The answer is wrong: It's Hamlet. "What? I swear it was that one! It's just you have very..." beautiful is at the tip of his tongue but he refrains himself, "...very greek features"
You can't help but laugh.
"Why of course! This is a face people go to war for"
"I agree" your heart skips a beat, "but I don't think I'll make it that far, if we talk about a war"
"You big fat liar!" you slap his arm playfully. "You've played all sort of characters, from soldiers of all nationalities and places, and like, superheroes, f*****g Joel Miller, even a DEA agent. You at least learned something!"
"Wow, slow down, this isn't a filmography recount" he jokes. Liar, you mouth to the cameras. "Okay, last one: I became a viral sensation for eating what type of sandwhich in LADbible's snack wars: BLT, PB&J, grilled cheese"
You remember the video fondly. Even your brother had sent it to you, along a text that said: Isn´t this your husband?
"PB&J, I win!" you cheer, instantly getting off the chair to do a celebratory dance. Pedro doesn't say anything, just throwing the cards away while the fondness of his eyes betrays him.
pyramiidsf: i want someone to look at me the way pedro looks at y/n mybritishstyle: guys they're just friends 😭 he's like that with all his female co-stars ㅤㅤann-gell: mybritishstyle me when i'm delusional af mandoshoney: where's that girl that's always betting her grandma??? SHE WAS RIGHTFLKRGJ
"Hello, I'm Paul Mescal. I'm here with my friends from the cast of Gladiator II" Connie and you both raise your palms to greet the camera, laughing when you realized you'd done it at the same time, "and we are going to play a game about how well we know each other for Vanity Fair" the irish man introduces the interview you're filming today.
"Did they prompt you?" Pedro speaks up, "or did you just make that up on the fly?"
You laugh a bit too loud, hoping they cut it off in the editing process.
Paul goes first, taking up a card with the first question written on it.
"Okay. Question: What's my least favorite day of the week?"
"Tuesday" answers Joseph once Paul is done reading. "Oh, you're writing it down?"
"Yeah" he answers.
"You just wrote Tuesday" Connie points out, Paul's card on his legs. You laugh along the rest.
"Yeah" he repeats laughing. "I actually, when you said Tuesday" Yeah, he said Tuesday Pedro adds on the background of laughter. "I was like...I'm gonna give everybody a point for that"
"I think I deserve a point for being observant" Connie complains.
Everyone gets a point and Paul moves towards the next question.
"What was the name of my character in Normal People?"
"Connell" both you and Joseph answer, looking at each other before squinting your eyes playfully.
"Callum" Pedro answers out loud at the same time, and you laugh. He clearly had slept when you played it for a re-watch last summer.
"No, you're out" Paul pokes Pedro next to him.
"Connel" Joseph repeats, and Fred agrees to the same answer.
Paul then asks Connie what's hers after he confirms you three.
"Connor?" she asks, confused.
"Incorrect. Three points" while pointing you three.
"You got wrong" he tells Pedro, "Callum's a different character"
"See? You just don't pay attention when you watch things" you blurt out, stopping yourself before adding the with me. It would be harder to come back from that, but so is this as everyone looks at you, even your husband, subtle panic in his eyes. Where the cameras this close? How long had you been silent?
"It's just, quick funny story" you improvise. "Pedro didn't know much about Paul's career, and as I am a fan, I took the time to show him and recommend him your stuff" Paul smiles. "Clearly, my fanatism didn't rub on Pedro but a girl can try"
He laughs, before saying "So the answer is Connell" and you try so hard to remain normal like the energy hasn't shifted.
"He only plays characters with the letter C in the name" Pedro jokes, chewing on a toothstick he seemingly pulled out of nowhere. More laughs follow, and you are so grateful for how he's handling your little metida de patada.
"What's number one on my bucket list?" he asks next, "and don't look at my answer"
The marker is the only sound to be heard, and then Pedro jokingly tries to take a peek.
"No peeking" Connie berates as Pedro laughs.
"You're not gonna be able to see that" Paul replies in an anyways tone.
You repeat the same joke, before Fred blocks you. "Not you too!"
Paul finishes after a while, Connie commenting it was long. Joseph raises his hand.
"Yes, Joseph"
"Is it to see the Great Wall of China?" he asks.
"No, but it's in that-"
"It's close, isn't it?" you interrupt.
"...family of thought" he finishes.
"It's to go and see something" Pedro points out.
"Okay. Rajasthan" tries Connie. "Go to Rajasthan, for a tour"
"Travel to South America" Paul interrupts with the correct answer, "I've never been to South America"
"I'm from South America" Pedro comments, never missing a chance to shout out his dear Chile.
Paul jokes about him getting three points while the rest of you laugh.
"I was born in South America. 17 points for Pedro"
"I want points too" you jump on the joke. "I know Spanish, so I can take you there and avoid you getting lost, mi querido amigo"
"But who was born there?" Pedro counters, "you get no points"
"I think Joseph is the only person who gets a point there" Paul adds, "because everybody just jumped on the bandwagon"
"He said to visit the Great Wall of China" Pedro protests, "which is nowhere near South America"
"It really is not" Connie agrees.
"Qué gente tan tramposa" you complain. "That's unfair. I remove my offer"
"Think about bucket list, and he came up with travel to bit" he tries to reason Joseph's point.
"And by the way, where in South America?" Pedro questions.
"Don't fight, don't fight" pleads Joseph, the calm one. Fred just sits there, enjoying the chaos.
"I want, any, I want to do a big tour of everywhere" Mescal defends himself.
Pedro doesn't back down. "'Cause it's very different"
Paul starts to get angry too. Jesus, men. Competitive men of it all.
"I know it's very different" making an annoyed face.
"Well, different is nice" you intervene, a hand placing in Pedro's left shoulder. "If you stop giving points for free, I'll come with you to the big everywhere tour"
"Alright" Paul agrees. "When's my birthday?" is the next question.
"February" all of you say.
Joseph struggles with the date first, saying seventh, then fourth. Fred tries with ninth, Pedro with eight, and then Joseph starts counting from one to two. Fred counts from eleven to twelve.
"Second" Mescal reveals. "Point to Joseph"
"Oh my God, you guys are good" Connie mentions.
"That's all my questions" and it's time to move on the next one: which happens to be your dear husband, Pedro.
"Paul is like" he brings up while the toothpick dances on his teeth, "Paul is motivated to catch up on points. He's coming for you" to pick on his competitive side as Mescal looks deep in thought.
"He's coming. He's coming" Joseph repeats as Fred laughs.
"What is my full name?"
"Oh! Pedro-" Paul tries in a blink. "Something, J? Jose? Juan?"
"Pedro Pascal, something, something" says Joseph.
"Nope"
"No?"
"Pedro Maria, Jose Maria Pascal" Paul struggles.
Pedro is about to answer when your voice cuts through the air.
"It's José Pedro Balmaceda Pascal" you recite.
"It indeed is!" he says, smiling a bit too much. "She gets a point"
"Jose Pedro Balmaceda Pascal" your husband repeats in a more english-friendly pronunciation, looking at the camera while toying with his toothpick.
"I said Jose, I said Jose" Paul protests.
Pedro shakes his head. "You said Jose, but then you put it-"
Connie takes Paul's side. "You did say Jose"
"But then you put it behind Pedro which eliminate- which disqualified you" he replies.
Paul gets angry. That sore looser.
"That's absolute bullshit"
"Don't worry mate, the game has just begun" you joke, making the man more irritated. "Think you can get ahead of me?"
"Joseph is still ahead, y/n" Paul counters, still irritated. "Besides, wouldn't it be cheating? You can speak Spanish!"
"So? Not like speaking a language allows you to know every person's name Paul" you mock. He just snorts, despite still being half angry. Pedro is allowed to continue, trying not to make a face at yours and Paul's banter.
"The question is, who is my favorite actor?" he reads. As the cast members laugh, he uncaps the marker with his mouth, and now you have to try not to make a face, thinking about those teeth sinking into your flesh.
Quinn raises his hand. "It's me"
"That you're my favorite actor?"
"Yeah. You said that to me once" the bald man sounds sure of it.
Paul tries to think in the background. So do you. How can you not know this? he must've brought it up at least once.
"Do you remember?" Joseph insists.
Pedro finally remembers. "I said you were- I said I thought you were special"
"Oh" he sounds rather dissapointed.
"And special can mean a lot of things" he jokes, laughing by himself. Fred laughs with you as Joseph makes a face, your laughter turning even louder when you notice Paul all moody, trying to get this point.
"Who's your favorite actor?" Paul asks, "I think we just have to shoot from the hip here guys"
"Marlon Brando?" Connie guesses.
"Is it Harrison Ford?" Fred guesses.
"Let's go with Harrison Ford just because he's my favorite actor..."
You can't believe you didn't know this. You've re-watched and watched so many Star Wars content together. He gives you a brief look, knowing you're embarrased at your lack of answer.
"As a kid?"
"He's most influent, yeah" Pedro agrees.
"What job did I have before I became a full-time actor?" is next.
"Dancer. You were a great dancer" Paul aswers. Both Fred and Joseph repeat it, adding he was specifically a go-go dancer.
"Oh, he is" you add. "Videos of you dancing are lovely. Ever thought of getting back in the bussiness?"
He laughs, what appears to be a light blush creeping up his cheeks.
"Sure, darling. When you ask me to dance, I'll be there"
Nobody comments on this, too busy waiting for Pedro to say yes or no to the answer they believe to be right. But he isn't saying it is. Now you remember why.
"Come on, come on, come on" Paul begs.
"Can any of you guys remember?" Pedro pleads.
They insist that he danced in Spain, then New York, then settle with Spain again, even Pedro confirming so. But it still isn't the answer written on the card, no matter how much the boys insist.
"Connie?" he tries. She just looks confused.
"The answer in the card is-"
"Waiter" you answer. "You were a waiter"
Now you have three points under your belt.
"Why do you always say the answer at last?!" Paul grumbles. "You are cheating!"
"I'm not" you laugh the accusation off. "You just can't accept I'm better"
"Si que lo eres" Pedro agrees. "Es divertido hacer que se enoje Paul"
"What did you say about me? It's not fair, you're probably sharing the answers!" he's still adamant on insisting with the supposed cheating issue, making you laugh.
Now it's Connie's turn, who starts with: "How many languages do I speak?"
You put a puzzled look.
"You speak seven, eight maybe" Joseph guesses. Pauls says she speaks french, "but most likely seven"
Pedro points his finger at him. "Once he gets going, he's on a roll"
"Joe's got it" Connie agrees.
"Paul, end this reign" Pedro jokes. He looks rather frustrated.
"And the bonus points" Connie offers. "Okay, bonus, what are they?"
"This is an emperor's reign" your husband adds.
Joseph answers: Italian. Danish. English. Swedish. French. Spanish. Norwegian.
Connie agrees she speaks Spanish, making you jump in excitement.
"Oh, I didn't know that!" you beam. "Wait, does that mean you did get what Pedro and I gossiped about you?"
"What?" Joseph asks.
"Nada" you quickly correct yourself. "Yo no dije nada"
"Not that much. I just speak a bit of Spanish. I mostly dominate my own language, German and English"
"You blew our cover!" Pedro nags, hitting your bare leg, yet its devoid of anger.
"He needs a bonus" comments Connie, surprised at Joseph.
"This is horrifying" Pedro says when Joseph gets another point and a fricking bonus on top of that. "This is a slaughter"
"Oh, for which film did I have a gym built in my garage?"
Both Joseph and Paul answer the question correctly, saying Wonder Woman. The latter is quick to state they both get that point.
"That's one for me" Paul says, then looks at you. "And none for you"
You stick out your tongue at him as Connie reads the next card.
"If I were to take this cast on a vacation where would I take you?"
"Ibiza" answers Joseph. Connie agrees in Spanish, with a cute and excited correcto.
Your husband feels the need to crack a joke at Quinn's expense.
"Somebody was paying attention to Connie Nielsen very closely during the shooting of this movie"
"Okay. What is my favorite curse word in Danish?"
"Fuck" Pedro tries.
"No"
"Nobody is going to get that, Connie" Paul bickers.
"Oh, I don't know any Danish" you lament.
"At least now you know how it feels" Mescal drops, making you snort. You playfully kick him on the ribs with your shoe.
"It's very simple" Connie gives as a clue. "It's the same word in every language"
"Shit" Paul tries.
"Satan" she reveals.
Everybody is laughing in confusion at that, saying there's no way you could use that.
"Vos Satan!" Connie curses.
Now it's Fred's turn.
"What is my weirdest on-set habit?"
"I haven't noticed you do anything weird on set" Paul tells.
"I have" Pedro interrupts.
They all get on a small briefing about what could it possibly be, that it was weird, and wasn't part of his character, as you ponder. It was funny before, but now Paul is behind you by a point. So think fast.
"Yeah. I would say being yourself" Pedro jokes, but surprisingly, it works.
"Me! Five points for Pedro" he celebrates as you all laugh. "Love Fred. Oh, Fred"
"Oh, oh, okay" he moves to the next question. "What is my favorite reality TV show?"
Joseph tries with Survivor and Paul with Alone. Truth is, you don't watch any show of said kind, only vagely hearing about Love Island.
"You and I have talked about reality TV" Pedro reveals, "It's just that we never identified one"
They keep guessing shows that sound like a foreign language to you.
"You know what's offensive? That I'm the second youngest of this cast and I have no idea what are you all talking about"
"She's not to be trusted" Pascal quips, "can't trust someone who doesn't appreciate the art of reality TV"
You huff, annoyed.
"Is it A&E stuff?" Pedro asks.
"Yeah, it's the competitive cheapskates" Fred answers. "It's people that really save money on everything"
Pedro gets the point because he mentioned the A&E bit.
"There's like this amazing guy that made a stew out of fish bones, and I just thought it was incredible" he shares. Then, moves to the next question. "What is my go-to crafty snack?"
Nobody remembers eating snacks on set, and Fred gives the clue that it's a drink. Joseph says it's a smoothie, and he does remember it but it isn't the answser.
"I'm thinking of something specific. That Emerge-C that you put in the water"
"Oh, that's very good" you agree, so does the rest, even discussing the best colors
"Who in the cast would I ask to bail me out of jail?"
Everyone even Pedro agree its him. Everyone gets a point, yet Joseph remains ahead.
It's Joseph's turn. "What is my favorite sport?"
"Skateboarding" Paul is so quick to answer, earning him two points for both being correct and time.
"What celebrity do I get mistaken for?"
"Daisy Edgar-Jones sometimes" says Mescal. Of course he had to bring her up.
"No, she gets mistaken for me" Joseph jokes. "Yeah, poor Daisy. But I'm writing it down"
"That was the two letters?" Pedro notices. Still, no one gets it.
It's fucking Justin Timberlake. You'd never guess that.
"What is my favorite film franchise?"
You've probaly named all the existing franchises to no avail. You think fo your dad, a huge geek, trying to remember if there is one missing.
"Oh- Lord of the Rings!" you both answer with Paul at the same time.
"C'mon!" his celebration is short lived when he realizes you tied to him.
"What is my favorite British slang word?"
Pedro says it can't be said, but Quinn insists they can, even adding it's his favorite one too.
"We can say bad words? We can say-?" but the camera beeps over it.
The answer is Bellend. What even is that? Joseph feigns sadness and Pedro keeps apologizing, even as you sit on the chair.
"Okay. I'm last"you wiggle your eyebrows with interest. "Let's see. Okay, first question: what did I take from the Gladiator II set?"
"You took something?" Joseph asks on disbelief.
"Why wouldn't I take something?"
"Is it like an item or memorabilia?" asks Connie.
"It's an item" you uncap the marker, scribbling down the answer.
"It's a short word" Fred points out, but still can't provide a guess.
"You took the rings home" Pedro answers. You snap your had on his way, probably obvious. "What? You told me" he says.
Of course Paul complains. "Hey, that isn't fair! He knew the answer before!"
"Well, if you payed more attention to me, you'd know it"
Lies. Pedro knows because it's sitting in the jewelry box inside your house.
"See? I do pay attention" Pedro playfully hits Mescal.
"I could pay you more attention" he looks at you.
"Alright, then do. Ready? Next question: what is my go-to movie? Oh, this is a good one. I'm always changing it, but most of the time I end up choosing the same one"
They all give you a puzzled look as you scribble.
"C'mon, guys! I've said it on interviews before too. Paul?" the man shrugs. "Thought you said you'd pay me more attention. Heads up, you're doing a terrible job so far!"
"Hey!" he protests. "It's not fair if the answer's changing. Give us a clue"
"You didn't give any clues to yours!" you giggle. "Besides, I don't want you to win"
"Hey, that's against the rules!"
"I'd say it depends on the season" Pedro speaks up. You quirk an eyebrow. "Like, if it's changing, I don't think your Christmas go-to movie is the same as your summer one"
"Actually" you smile fondly, "that is true. On summer, it's Mamma Mia. So I suppose, if you can't guess the one, that'll do"
"No" he smiles, cheeky. "I know it too"
"Yeah?" you challenge, "what is it, then?"
"It's Thelma and Louise" he answers, and your heart beats fast.
"How do you know?" Paul inquires. "Somebody was paying attention to Y/n L/n very closely during the shooting of this movie"
Ah, his joke from earlier. Joseph giggles behind him. Karma, he supposes.
"She said it on an interview, guys. C'mon, learn your sources!"
"Okay" you clear your throat. "What movie got me into acting?"
"Thelma and Louise" Joseph tries.
"No" you laugh, "you're just recycling the answer"
"Is it an old or modern movie?" Connie asks.
"Hmh, old" you pause, "just not... I don't know if you'll ever guess it"
"Is it a Pedro Almodóvar film?" you shake your head. "What? You're always mentioning him!"
Pedro looks into your eyes amid the others' discussion, and you can tell he remembers the conversation.
"There isn't one"
You smile, chest pounding at his soft tone.
"That's correct"
"A trick question?!" Paul yells. "I quit"
"When there's just one left?" you tease.
"Yes, because you've been hiding it all the time but no more" he counters, pointing both you and Pedro. You feel the space getting smaller, breaths going from even to noticeable. "You are sharing answers"
You try to make your breath of relief pass as a chuckle.
"I'm not even gonna win, relax. And drop the charges, please. Loose like a man"
"You didn't explain it though" Connie speaks. "What did Pedro mean?"
"While I have many movies that are inspiration to me, they aren't the reason I chose this path. I did it because I saw an Oscar's ceremony when I was 11" you explain fondly, feeling warm at the memories. "I still remember when they handed the award to Diablo Cody for best original screenplay. I don't know, man, it moved me. What it meant for young artists who came from nothing. I guess I wanted, one day, to be the one standing there, for other dreamers to see it's possible"
"Wow, that's beautiful" Connie says.
"Thank you" you get flustered. "Suppose it was worth it, you know, to do interviews about not really knowing my cast mates" and laugh.
"How does Pedro know, though?" Joseph asks.
"We talk a lot" you clear your throat. "Last one: what indie horror movie did I make a small appearence in? I'm feeling generous because it's the last so I'll give you a clue. It's a Stephen King adaptation"
Paul is the first to speak. "You where in a-"
"Yeah but it wasn't such a huge role. Don't make yourself any ideas"
"I have no idea" Connie surrenders. "Other clue, as in how many words?"
"It doesn't even have any words" you laugh. "You give up? It's 1922. Was an extra as well. Made me think Netflix had my name highlighted in the extra call sheet, because I did so many minor and background roles during that year. Grateful, though, because now I get to be Rome's empress and not fortune teller or highschool #6"
The interview ends, and the camera may or may have not captured the last seconds, Pedro's gaze fixated with you the entire time.
elysyannemimi: we all saw that right? GET PEDRO AND Y/N IN A ROMCOM ❗THEIR CHEMISTRY IS INSANE❗ at0michips: love paul and y/n so much 😭😭 gimme enemies to lovers RN ㅤㅤbobgirllll: at0michips wait what if paul and y/n are secretly dating 😳 ㅤㅤann-gell: bobgirllll quick question are u dumb unhing3dprincess: i bet my grandma they're married. it has to be. trust me ㅤㅤstarlightt180: unhing3dprincess BESTIE U ARE BACK
You arrived in London today. The premiere will be in a few days, and things have been, well, hectic.
Lux couldn't stop talking all the plane ride, but your mind kept going back at the email your manager had sent you before you had boarded the plane.
It's catching upon you, read the haunting message. Attached below, a TMZ article that claimed a regular church attendee had seen you both getting married. It also used a lot of the noise fans had been making on social media, connecting dots or just hyping up the undeniable chemistry. It ended with a little paragraph saying it was obvios, and they're just hoping you'd confirmed it.
You came to realize you didn't care about it anymore. Sure, the pushing around annoyed you, but the thought of still keeping your marriage under wraps feels pointless now. Why wouldn't you shout to the world how in love with your husband you are?
Yet, when you arrive at the hotel, you keep the same protocol of arriving after Pedro, who has already checked in with two keys, claiming its for him and his sister, while you ask for the key to Lux's actual room. After you swipe cards with her, you head over the room you'd be sharing with your husband.
His face appears in your frame, everything happening quickly.
"Get inside. Now"
Your body is dragged inside the hotel room, not even giving you time to swipe the key for yourself.
"Pedro!" you exclaim, between surprised and confused. "What the hell is your problem?"
"Did you read it?"
"What? The article?" your tone is filled with annoyance. "Yes, I did. Why?"
"What do you mean why?" he snaps, voice raising higher. "Don't play dumb with me. You know fans have fuelled the rumors, and tabloids have started digging every corner in fucking California"
"So, what? You're acting as if people finding out is the worst thing in the world" you roll your eyes.
"It is, yes!" Pedro bursts out, caving in to the stress.
It feels like you've been hit across your face.
"Excuse me?" you seethe, hurt etched all across your features. "Would it be the worst thing in the world to admit you're married to the person you supposedly love the most?"
"I love you, y/n. It's just-"
His voice softens, trying to reach for you, yet you pull back, his hand falling to his side in an akward manner. He sighs in frustration, running a hand through his hair as he sits on the edge of the bed.
"I love you" he repeats, sounding much more sure this time.
Your frame seems smaller as your voice comes out hoarse, filled with emotion, appearing to be in the brink of tears:
"Then why do you act like you're embarrassed of me?"
He hates himself for making you feel this way, making you think things that aren't true.
"I don't. Never" he emphasizes. Then, tries to reach once again when you move a little bit closer to him, recognizing that's your way of letting him know you're ready. "You're the most precious thing in the world to me, don't ever think the opposite" then he sighs, heavy. "I'm just scared"
You silently ask him to explain, rubbing his thumb soothingly across his tattoo.
"You're so young, and I'm, well- I know we're aware of it, but people are cruel and the press is ruthless. I don't want to see your name dragged across the mud because you decided to marry me. Your career is starting, and I'd never forgive myself is something happened to you because of me. Not trying to make this about me, yeah? But this industry is fucked up. You've work hard to get to where you are, and it'll be unfair if you'd loose it. I'm scared because us..." he wavers, words trailing off. "I want us to be. I wouldn't want to live in a world without you, i-it would kill me not to have you be my wife"
You desperately want to kiss off the worry on his face, but let him finish.
"N-not saying our love is weak, or anything! That a couple of opinions or tabloids will- you know? Just, I-I don't want them to break us apart. Mi vida, you're the light of my life. Please, forgive me, I-"
He feels his throat closing up, words failing to come out. You sense the grip on your hand to be stronger, immediately letting loose of it.
"Hey. C'mere" your voice is tender, allowing him to bury his face in your stomach as you comb his messy curls with your fingers. "It's okay, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere"
He lets himself melt under your touch, his mind loosing itself in the soft of your digits and your perfume up his nostrils. He's again breathing normaly, hands now hugging your waist.
"There you go. Better?" Pedro nods, still not being able to talk. "That's okay, take all the time you need. We have all day"
"Do we?" he raises his view, his eyes soft yet there is something else to the brown shade.
You hum as to nod. "We agreed to join Lux for dinner. It's barely 1pm"
"Tell me you're thinking it too" his voice cuts throughout the air, boucing off the tapestry on the walls.
You laugh, nervously. "I don't think I do"
"Hmmh, I see" he stands up, towering over you. "You sure you don't?"
"You sure you want this?"
Before you know it, his lips capture yours in a passionate kiss, cutting off all words to be said. What a waste of air, anyway. You are quick to reciprocate, whimpering against his lips.
Pedro picks you up like you're as light as a feather, his arms flexing as he carries you and places you on the bed, frame hovering over yours. He breaks the kiss to breath, but you're pulling him back in, his hold on your hips tighter and the wet spot in your panties wetter.
"Look at you, pretty baby. So needy" he whispers against your face, hot breath lingering above your lips. "And mine. Mía. Only mine"
"I am, yes. Yours only. Need you so bad right now, papi" you answer in a rush. "Now shut up and fuck me"
"Con gusto" he chuckles darkly, "gotta keep the wife happy"
"Happy wife, happy life" you recite, stripping him off of his plain shirt, revealing his toned torso, bulging biceps defined by the movements. You gulp. "Fuck, papi. Gotta thank Marvel for this. I love all of your versions, but I can work with this too" you dreamily stare at him, your hands cupping his face.
He strips the rest of his clothing, but a cute blush adorns his cheeks.
"Yeah, well, it's Scott's fault too"
Your impatient fingers reach the middle of your panties to rub your clothed pussy, letting out a sound that darkens his hazel orbs.
"Fuck that guy" you mutter. Pedro laughs.
"Thought you said you loved the guy"
"Until I learned what he said about your body" you groan, still rubbing. "Connie told me"
His hands now travel to remove your clothes, almost ripping them off.
"Who cares? I just want to fuck you now" he breathes out, practically drooling at the sight of your damp panties. "Lemme take this off too"
He unhooks your bra, seeing the hard nipples. The urge to lick them is so bad, but his desire to fill you silly to the brim is stronger.
You see his hesitation, which is why you grab him by the neck to pull him in for a kiss. He kisses back fiercely, labored breaths as he struggles to focus on your lips, his wet mouth darting to your jaw, neck and collarbones. His hands roam all over your body, needy.
"Gotta be inside of you, mami. Can't wait any longer"
"Then stop waiting" you plead, tugging at his boxers with urgency.
Seeing you so cockhungry, lips parted and pupils blown wide makes his hard dick twitch with anticipation.
He mutters a labored fuck, aligning himself to enter your sticky folds. Pedro enters your tight pussy with a low groan, burying himself deep inside of you, used to his length by now. You're basically begging for it, nails digging and eyes supplicating.
He can't deny you anything, can he?
A messy whine leaves your widened mouth as you adjust, pleasure mixed with pain.
"Mhmm" you moan.
"Mhmm what?" he mocks. "You asked for it. Now take it, cariño"
He thrusts deeper into you, watching in awe how his dick enters your pussy; it was always perfectly, your pussy made for him.
"You're drippin' baby" his rough voice caresses your cheek. He kisses the are, giving a lick to the sweat starting to form. "S'fucking tight too"
You move your hips towards him, trying to augment the friction. The overstimulation starts to cloud your sense, reducing you to a whiny mess as you grip his steady arms.
"I can't think of anything but you, baby" he confesses between grunts, "filling up your pussy to the brim, you dripping with my seed for days"
You moan at the filthy words.
"Love how you take my dick, amor" stretching you as Pedro moves in and out. "S'made for me"
"Yes" you moan, skin slapping sounds bouncing off the walls. "Fuck, I love your dick..."
His pace picks up, and it comes to a point where he's just fucking you silly, his grip on your hips surely to leave a bruise as you keep spilling obscene sounds of pleasure from your lips.
"Your pussy's mine, yeah? No one else gets to have you like this"
"N-no, just you, Pedro. My h-husband" you manage to squeeze, more moans vocalizing the pleasure you felt with each thrust, his big dick inside of you moving in a a steady rhythm, making your eyes roll back further and orgasm closer.
Your breasts bounce with each thrust, and he finds impossible to resist the urge anymore, licking the sensible skin and hard nipples, your hands moving to his back, scratching him harshly, both chasing your release.
"Please!" you whine out loud, not caring how desperate you sound.
Harder. Faster. Rougher.
But your husband knows you, so he indeed starts to fuck you harder, heavy breaths and slippy kiss noises hanging in the spaces between each thrusts. He pants with every motion of his dick, a knot forming on his belly.
"Shit, baby. I think I'm gonna cum. Gonna come so hard"
"Do it. I'm on birth control, remember?" you groan, feeling your high approach as well. "Fill me up, please. Give me all your cum"
Your bodies move as one, precise thrusts hitting exactly that sweet spot of yours repeatedly, chasing your orgasm. For a brief moment, your eyes lock with his and then he's saying:
"I love you, y/n. So much"
Your heart skips a bit, his dick twitching inside as his gaze glimmers with adoration and possesiveness, teeth grazing your skin with marks for him to call you his.
"I love you too, Pedro. More than you know"
A final thrust is delivered. Fuck, feels so good you think you hear him say. Just like promised, he fills you with his release, shots of his thick, warm cum inside your sticky walls. You follow soon, back arching, toes curling, and both head and eyes rolling back. Pedro falls on top of you, his broad body collapsing over yours, as you both pant hard, trying to steady your pulse and breath. He then removes himself and positions you to be the one on top now, lazily throwing the covers over your bare bodies. We need to shower, you said, but he argued you'd do it later before going out.
"I needed that" and you happily hum in agreement at your husband's dragged out words.
Your head falls and rises, with the movement of his chest, silence settling on the previously filled with sex noises room. That until he speaks up:
"One day, I'm gonna fill you up so good until you have my babies, mami" he murmurs, just then realizing what he said. But you snuggle closer, hand and legs drapped over his bare body. You look at him closely, seeing nothing but certainty on his eyes.
I choose you. I'll always choose you.
"Whatever it is with you" your nose brushes his, a small sweet kiss on his lips, "I want"
His eyes shine, probably with tears or the glow of affection.
"Let's do it"
"What?" you look into his eyes for any sign of doubt, bull all you see is love. "Pedro, are you serious?"
He nods. "Wouldn't you want that?"
You feel the corner of your lips pull up.
"Never have I wanted anything more"
poppysplayground: Y/N AND PEDRO RED CARPET DEBUT AT THE LONDON PREMIER OF GLADIATOR II WTF I JUST WOKE UP ptwt is in SHAMBLES mostannoyingbillioner: UM HELLO pedro showing up with two hot women on his arms LUX GIMME A CHANCE pompeiianbollockr: WAIT WDYM THEY ARE MARRIED?!??! ALL THIS TIME?@?#? HOW???! NEED BIGGER CAPS TO SCREAM I'M GOING INSANE at0michips: that article better come out now or i'll burn the TMZ building ann-gell: not me thirsting for a married man 😭😭😭 how they kept this a secret for so long?? we should've noticed ㅤㅤunhing3dprincess: ann-gell i did. knew betting my grandma was the way all along ㅤㅤpyramiidsf: i'm gonna start betting my grandma too
#dilfistwrites#gladiator II#gladiator ii#gladiator 2#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal fanfic#pedro pascal smut#pedro pascal x you#pedro x reader#pedro pascal fluff#taylor swift#reputation#call it what you want#paul mescal
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they make you cry
featuring - Zoro x F!Reader, Ace x F!Reader, Kaku x F!Reader, Law x F!Reader, Luffy x F!Reader, Sanji x F!Reader, Usopp x F!Reader
summary - sometimes you just can't handle the things they say/do
warnings - angst, fluff, hurt/comfort
taglist - @kabloswrld
a/n - this took forever to write, and I'm sorry! had to fight my writer's block real hard to get this out ☠️ some of them seem rushed and im sorry about that too!
ZORO
Zoro could be mean, you knew this when you started dating him. He didn't mince his words, nor did he sugarcoat anything. Especially when he was angry, that's when he could be the cruelest. You just never expected to be on the receiving end of that cruelty.
You were just trying to help, honestly. You thought it might be a nice gesture if you wiped his swords clean for him while he napped, and you thought he'd appreciate it. But the moment you dropped them while putting them back and woke him up, it was like something had possessed him.
"What the hell are you doing?" He demanded, sitting up and looking at you, his eyes hard.
"I'm sorry, I just wanted to clean them for you," you tried explaining yourself, hoping he wouldn't be too angry. Hoping he would calm down and stop looking at you like that.
"Why would you think that?" He scoffed. "I clean them myself, there's no need for you to do it. There's no need for you touch them at all, actually."
"I'm sorry," you apologised again, shrinking away and feeling hurt by his tone already.
"Just don't do it again," he snapped, "You don't know anything about swords. It wouldn't be such a problem if you were more like me and less like you."
"Less like me?" The tears filled your eyes before you could stop them. "What does that mean?"
"Nothing, just go away and let me nap."
And go away you did. You left his room with your eyes almost overflowing, hand covering your mouth to stifle the sob that was about to come out. You didn't understand what brought that on, why he had been so mean to you.
"(Name), wait-"
You ran off the moment his door opened again, trying to put as much distance between him and yourself as possible. You were hurt, so incredibly hurt, that you barely made it to your room before you broke down in tears, burying your face in your hands. You tried to calm down, you did, but his unprovoked verbal attack struck you right where it hurt the most, your heart. You didn't understand what he meant by "less like you", and you didn't think you wanted to. It was insult enough already.
A knock on your door startled you, and you quickly wiped your face to try and get rid of the tears but your eyes were still red and puffy. Which was immediately noticed by the swordsman when you opened the door, and he frowned.
"Were you crying?"
"What do you want?" You asked him, sniffing. "Did you come to insult me more? Maybe tell me again to stay away from your precious swords? Save it."
"I'm sorry," he interjected, taking you by surprise. He shifted nervously, not really knowing how to apologise but wanting to try because you meant more to him than he could ever say and he hated that he'd hurt you.
"Is that it?" You scoffed, about to close the door.
"No, no wait!" He stopped you, swallowing thickly and looking at the floor. "You know I'm not good with apologies. But I mean it when I say I'm sorry for what I said. You were just trying to do something nice for me and I snapped at you because I was in a mood. The stupid cook annoyed me earlier and I...didn't mean to take it out on you."
You crossed your arms, trying to look mad but you only looked sad and it tugged at Zoro's heartstrings, "Okay."
His expression softened, and when you allowed him he pulled you into his arms and hugged you, trying to show how sorry he was through his actions since he couldn't say it. He rubbed your back soothingly, pressing a gentle and apologetic kiss to the top of your head.
"But if you speak to me like that again, I'm throwing your swords into the ocean."
He chuckled, "Deal."
He spent the next few days making it up to you in various ways, either buying you a special gift from any island you stopped by, or hugging/cuddling you a little longer than usual, or teaching you some moves with his swords to prove he trusted you with them. Eventually, when his overbearing affection started worrying the crew, you had to forgive him.
ACE
The crew was celebrating a big win. Stopping by a nearby island, majority of the crewmembers could be found in bars and taverns, drinking their weight in alcohol. You were amongst them, not drinking as much but joining the merriment regardless. You smiled at the antics of your crewmates, who were trying to drunkenly flirt with woman around the room.
Your smile vanished the moment your eyes settled on your boyfriend, who was busy entertaining a crowd of younger women with the tale of your victory.
Now normally that isn't a cause for upset with you, but he tended to get a little overfriendly and even though you've spoken to him about it many, many times, he hasn't made an effort to stop his flirting - even if he didn't see it as flirting, those women certainly did. And that was the problem, he always let them think that and allowed them to get handsy with him.
You rolled your eyes, downing your drink so you could get out of here. When you lowered your pint again, the sight of one of their hands on his arm made you sick. Usually you would get angry and storm over there and break up the party, but today the sight brought tears to your eyes. It hurt you that he always did this, even when you'd asked him not to.
"(Name), where you going?" One of your crewmates asked you when they noticed you getting up. "It's still early!"
You forced a smile, trying to hide your glassy eyes, "I, uh-"
"(Name)!" Ace called you cheerfully, waving you over, "Come here!"
You frowned, then shook your head before turning and leaving the bar, letting the tears fall now that you were out of sight from the rest of the crew. Your vision blurred on the way back to the ship, but you somehow managed to get there without hurting yourself and broke down into quiet sobs as you sat on your bed and buried your face in your hands.
Sometimes it felt like you weren't enough for him, whether it was physically or emotionally. He could make you feel like the worst lover sometimes, like you couldn't give him what he wanted, even if he didn't mean to. You knew he had commitment issues, but you thought your relationship was getting more serious at this point.
"(Name)!" Ace burst into the room, looking worried. "Hey, why did you leave?"
You didn't answer, turning away from him and curling up into a foetal position facing the wall your bed was placed against. You couldn't look at him right now, not when the tears wouldn't stop.
"Baby?" He called again, the bed dipping beside you to indicate that he had sat down. "I know you're not asleep."
He reached out and gently touched your shoulder, urging you to turn around and face him. You sighed and shifted around, looking at him with a tear-stained face. His eyes instantly went wide and he flew into a panic.
"What happened? Did someone do something to you?"
"Ugh, stop it," you groaned, sitting up. "Don't pretend to care about me when you constantly do what I tell you hurts my feelings." Just mentioning it again brought the tears back, and you cursed.
He frowned when you said this, "But I wasn't flirting with them."
You gave him an exasperated look, "Do you ever realise that they consider it flirting? That they try to seduce you with all their little touches and stupid flirty smiles? No, you don't." You hastily wiped your eyes, now getting angry.
"I'm sorry-"
"No, Ace. You do this all the time. And it really, really hurts."
His expression softened, and he grabbed you and pulled you onto his lap with ease. No matter how mad you were at him, your body never fought his touch or embrace.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled into your hair. "I didn't realise they were trying to do that. I was so caught up in telling the story, especially the part where you took out all of those pirates, that I didn't see they weren't really interested. I'm sorry I'm so stupid."
The sincerity in his voice eased your mood, and you slowly stopped crying and pulled away to look at him, "Next time just ask me to come sit with you."
"I'll do better than that baby, I'll put you on my lap."
"You know that doesn't end well."
"On the contrary-"
You sighed and shook your head, unable to help the smile that formed on your lips. He really was an idiot, but he was your idiot and even if he did stupid things a lot of the time, you loved him very much.
KAKU
You and Kaku hardly ever fought, because he was a very patient and very reasonable man. He never gave you any reason to be upset with him, because while he was a ruthless assassin, to you he was an absolute sweetheart. The only problem was that he sometimes left for long missions, and you were left worrying about him at home and not knowing what was going on because he was deep undercover that he couldn't even contact you.
Like now, where he was working undercover as a foreman in Water 7. You had asked him once again if you could come with, seeing as neither of you knew how long he'd be away this time. But he refused, gently reminding you that he didn't want to put you in any danger and that your house - so far off the grid absolutely no one knew about it - was the safest place for you. You had no other option but to agree.
After many, many months spent worrying about him and struggling to sleep not knowing what's going on, your boyfriend stumbled in through the front door one night absolutely destroyed. You'd come down with one of his swords in hand - one that he kept around the house for you - only to stop dead at the sight of Kaku standing there. Actually, standing was generous. He was barely keeping himself off the ground, tall frame hunched over and trembling.
"Oh my god, Kaku!" You dropped the blade and rushed to his side, laying one of his arms around your shoulders so you could at least help him to the couch. "What the hell happened?"
"It's a long story," he groaned, laying his head over the back of the couch and closing his eyes. "Short version - the Straw Hats."
You frowned at his brief response, going to fetch your first aid kit - you'd learned after the first few times he came home that you'd need one - and bringing it back to him.
"I think I deserve an explanation," you pressed, sitting beside him and starting to tend to his more obvious wounds. "You owe me that much."
"I don't want to talk about it," he grumbled. "I'm sorry."
You didn't respond, and he cracked an eye open to see why. When he noticed how your eyes had become glassy and your bottom lip was trembling but you were biting it hard to stop it, his expression softened.
"Oh, honey."
He gently took the first aid from you and set it aside before bringing you into his arms, wrapping them around you securely. He pressed gentle kisses to the top of your head, ignoring the pain as he held you against his chest.
"I'm sorry."
"This is the worst I've ever seen you," you managed to get out, your voice small and hurt. "I had no contact with you for the longest time since you started working for them, and then you come back looking like this..." You couldn't help it, the tears just kept falling no matter how hard you tried to stop them.
He held you tighter, then moved one hand up to wipe your tears away, "But I came back, didn't I? I'm here."
You knew he was trying to reassure you, but it was difficult to be reassured when he constantly did this to you. You looked at him sceptically.
"Why would I ever risk dying?" He questioned softly, cupping your cheek in his large hand. "I have you to come home to, I don't put myself in a situation I don't think I can come out of." He kissed the tip of your nose, to make you smile like it always did. "Besides, did you ever think that maybe I like having you play nurse for me?"
You managed a small smile, warmed by his words, "Oh you do, huh?"
"Mhm."
"I guess I can forgive you. On one condition."
"Anything, honey."
"I'm coming with you on your next assignment."
"...I don't have a choice, do I?"
"Nope."
He sighed, but planted a loving kiss on your forehead, "If it will ease your mind, then okay. But you have to let me make sure your cover is safe too."
"Deal."
LAW
Law was a very complicated man, with a lot of baggage and trauma he liked to keep away from everyone else. He was reclusive, and he never quite expressed his emotions as healthily as he should. Most days you did your best to understand, to step back and be the more rational one. But sometimes his actions don't make sense, and he ends up hurting you a lot more than he thinks - or notices.
Take the last few days, for example. You two had grown quite close over the course of your relationship and he was now quite comfortable with you and showing you affection - although still privately. But ever since you'd met the Straw Hat crew and he'd been introduced to their smartest member, Robin, he'd been a lot more distant and a lot less affectionate. Like he was beginning to forget you existed.
You started to feel insecure about not being as intelligent as her and not having anything in common with your boyfriend. You'd never liked books, they paled in comparison to the adventures you embarked on on a daily basis. But now it had come back to haunt you, and in the worst way possible.
"Law, do you want to-"
"Not now, (Name)-ya," he didn't even look up from his work. "I'm just finishing some notes on something that Robin asked for."
"Oh, okay. Let me know when you're-"
"I will be heading to their ship shortly, she has a collection of books I would like to study."
"...Right. Okay."
You blinked back tears, knowing he would just get irritated with your emotional display. Turning away from him, you left the room to go get some air and maybe feel sorry for yourself. It did hurt, him immediately dismissing you for another woman, even if it wasn't romantic. He was spending less time with you, and more time with her.
"(Name)!"
Your face lit up, thinking Law had finally come to his senses. But when you turned around, you saw him making his way to the Thousand Sunny while Bepo was the one who had called out to you. And then you couldn't hold it back anymore; you burst into tears.
You usually didn't cry like this. You were good at keeping your emotions in check. It was a side-effect of being around the stoic captain so much - you'd learned how to control your own emotions. But right now, it was too much to bear and your insecurities and fears came crashing down around you, drowning you in sorrow.
"What's wrong??" Bepo asked worriedly, immediately pulling you into a hug. "Did something happen?"
"No," you hiccupped, "I mean, yes, but it doesn't matter."
Your eyes drifted to the deck of the Sunny, where Law was engaged in what looked like a meaningful conversation with the female devil fruit user. Sighing, you tried your best to wipe your eyes and gently pushed Bepo away.
"I'm okay, I just...I need to be alone."
As you walked off, Bepo followed your gaze and spotted the issue. He frowned, having also noticed that his captain had recently been preferring Robin's company over his own girlfriend.
"Captain!" The bear called, rushing over to Law and Robin.
"Not now, Bepo," Law dismissed him, returning his attention to the raven-haired woman.
"But something is wrong with (Name)!" Bepo protested, whoch was a half-lie, half-truth. There was something wrong, but it wasn't with you. He just knew Law wouldn't follow him back otherwise.
"What?" Law instantly felt worry start to fill him. "Where is she?"
"I don't know, I saw her just now, crying, and then she ran off."
Law frowned. He didn't like it when you cried. Not because it was irritating, but because he always got this weird, ugly feeling when you did. You should never have to cry, you should never have to feel pain. Instantly, he goes back to the Polar Tang but not to look for you. He just simply uses his devil fruit to get you back into his room, and when he does he feels guilty by the sight.
Your eyes are red and puffy and you're sniffing like you're sick, but you're not sick. You're avoiding his gaze and casting your eyes downward to the floor, unable to look at him. And you're hugging yourself.
"(Name)-ya," he calls, hoping to get you to look at him.
"I thought you were with Robin," you tell him quietly, the hurt evident in your small, vulnerable voice.
He frowns, "I was, but-"
"Then we don't need to talk about anything," you cut him off. "I'm fine, go bacl to your conversation." You can't help being a bit snippy, tired of crying and even more so of being sad.
"You have been crying," he argued, "That is my concern."
"Oh really?" You suddenly glared at him. "I didn't think you'd notice. But you didn't, did you? Bepo had to tell you, because you were so engrossed in your new girlfriend!" You scoffed, rubbing your face and getting up. "Leave me alone."
"No," Law blocked your path out of the room. "I want to talk about this. And...I want to apologise for hurting you." He paused awkwardly, never good with apologies. "I didn't mean to spend so much time with her and neglect you, I promise. I just kept losing track of time, and I got a little bit eager that someone else was interested in some of the same things I am."
"Yeah, I know," you mumbled, "I'm sorry I'm not that person. I'm sorry I'm not your ideal girlfriend." The tears started falling again, and the ache returned to Law's chest.
"That's not what I meant," he moved closer, "You are perfect just the way you are. I don't want you to be like me, I don't think I could date someone like me. I often wonder how you do it."
Your eyes widen at the vulnerable revelation, and that leads you to start listening to his sincere words and slowly calm down.
"If I neglect you like that again, please just tell me," he pleaded, taking your hands in his. "Don't suffer in silence, I don't like seeing how it's affected you. And I don't like being the reason you cry. So please, just talk to me when I hurt you. Pull me away from any conversation, throw my books, whatever. Just make sure I listen."
"Okay," you slowly smiled, nodding. "But you can't yell at me if I do."
He sighed, but felt relieved that he was forgiven, "I won't."
"Great. Now you owe me a lot of cuddles and even more kisses," you pout. "And double the amount of hugs."
"Done, done and done," he murmured as he leaned down to kiss you sweetly and gently.
LUFFY
If Luffy hasn't upset you in some way, you'd be suspicious. His carefree nature was bound to anger or frustrate you in some way or the other, and his tendency to overexert himself in fights often ended with you concerned for his health in general. He's never made you cry, because if there's one thing Luffy can do well it's keep his promises.
Until he meets Boa Hancock.
And you get it. She's gorgeous, she's powerful, she's a queen. She's everything a woman should be, and you can't help but feel envious of the attention she gets from men. Luffy doesn't really care for her looks, which is a little comforting, however she found the way to his heart and every time you guys met her on the ocean she had the nerve to throw him a huge feast. And your beloved, naive boyfriend always thought she was just being nice and gorged himself on her food, missing the way she looked at him longingly and not understanding her flirtatious advances.
But you understood them very well.
But as mentioned before, she's a powerful person. Not just because she's a devil fruit user, but also because she's a Warlord. You knew you couldn't piss her off in any way, for the safety of the crew, but she had no such qualms. It seemed she knew that you hated how much she attended to Luffy, she knew how much you hated her advances and how Luffy always ate whatever she offered. And she abused her title, doing it on purpose because she knew there was nothing you could do.
Most of the time it was just frustrating beyond comparison. But slowly it ate away at you, and one particular meeting had you excusing yourself in an attempt to escape what seemed like a suffocating situation.
Boa was once again on your ship - it seemed like she purposely sought it out just to see your boyfriend, and she probably did. Luffy was enjoying yet another one of her feasts, and she was sat right beside him. Touching his arm and saying sweet things to him like he didn't already have a girlfriend. Batting her eyelashes at him and offering him sweet smiles that would knock the socks off any man other than Luffy. Once again, he didn't seem to notice how uncomfortable it made you, and you felt your eyes brim with tears.
Maybe he did notice and just didn't mind. Maybe he did notice and actually enjoyed her attention like everyone else did. Maybe you had him all wrong in this particular situation. He had spent a long time with her on her island, after all.
"Excuse me," you mumble to no one in particular, rising from your seat and swiftly exiting the room. It was like you couldn't breathe, your throat burning as the tears started falling faster and faster, until you could barely see.
You were sure he hasn't even noticed you were gone. He probably hadn't even seen you leave. And that thought had you clinging to your pillow harder as you screamed into it, hot angry tears rolling down your cheeks in unstoppable waves. You were so hurt and upset that you didn't notice your room door swing open and a certain captain barge in.
"(Name)?" Luffy called, sounding confused. "Are you okay?"
You felt your body bounce a little as the overeager captain jumped onto your bed, but in your stubbornness you refused to look at him and turned away instead.
"Go away, Luffy."
Luffy was not used to hearing those words from you. Nor was he used to hearing the sadness in your voice, the way it cracked halfway, and the miserable sniff that came afterwards. He was not used to seeing you like this, so sad.
"What's wrong?" He tugged on your shoulder, trying to get you to turn back around to face him. "Are you sick? Is your stomach sore?"
"No, Luffy!" You sat up and yelled in exasperation. "I'm tired! I'm so, so tired okay!" You rubbed your face and curled up, thighs pressed tightly to your chest. "I'm tired of my boyfriend letting some other woman fawn over him with no boundaries. I'm tired of watching my boyfriend be sweet-talked and flirted with by some other woman. And I can't do anything, because she's a Warlord!"
Luffy's eyes went wide, and then he burst out laughing, "Are you worried about Hammock?" The incorrect name almost had you smiling, but you managed to keep your face stoic. "(Name), I only want you. You know that right?"
"Yes," you sighed, "And I trust you, Luffy. It's just...you never stop her and sometimes it makes me feel like I'm not enough. Like she does more for you than I ever could." Your gaze fell. "Sometimes I think you actually like her."
Suddenly his arms were around you and he was squeezing you in the tightest hug he'd ever given.
"I don't like anyone the way I like you, (Name)," he promised. "ANd I never will. You are the only person who makes me feel like this, and you do enough for me already. You cook for me! I bet Hammock doesn't even make the food herself. If it came to choosing you or her, it would always be you."
Your cheeks burned when he said that, and slowly a smile formed on your lips, "That's really sweet, Luffy. Thank you. I needed to hear that."
He nuzzled his face against yours affectionately, "I will remind you as many times as you want!"
SANJI
Sanji's most annoying habit tended to irritate you majority of the time, and every instance ended with you practically fuming and storming off after telling him off angrily. He would normally appease you with something sweet, or your favourite dish. In some extreme cases, both. But you never stayed mad at him, because he made it impossible for you to do so. You just never expected that one day the hurt would become too much for you to handle, and you'd react with sadness rather than fury.
The crew had been given the day off to explore another island. Everyone had split to do their own things, but the cook insisted on accompanying you because it was one of the rare times he got to spend alone with you for an entire day. So the two of you strolled through the vibrant town, enjoying the atmosphere and each other's presence.
That is, until Sanji forgot about your warning to not flirt with anyone on this island. He deemed it just being a gentleman, but you knew better than that.
When you caught him staring as your words faltered, you expected the usual bout of anger to flare within you. You were ready to tell him off again, a dozen insults coming to mind for that woman, when you felt a sharp pang in your chest instead. Your words caught in your throat, and a sorrow like nothing you'd ever experienced filled you.
Had he been staring the entire time you were talking to him? To make matters worse, he seemed to forget you were speaking and drifted over to the lady to compliment her dress.
You felt humiliated. No one here actually knew you two, but it was embarrassing that you couldn't even keep your lover's attention on you. Your cheeks burned, your throat along with them, and your eyes brimmed with tears. It was made worse when you glanced around at all the other couples, and found them happily clinging to each other and acting like they were the only two people in the world.
"What do you think, ma chérié?" Sanji's voice suddenly filled your ears. "Do you like it?"
You hastily wiped your eyes, trying to look like you did before, "Um, like what? Sorry, I wasn't listening..."
He didn't seem to notice the sadness in your tone or the forlorn expression on your face, he just barrelled on, "This pretty young woman's dress, what do you think of it?"
"A-are you serious?" You choked out, feeling the burning in your throat get worse.
"Yes! Doesn't it look nice?"
You couldn't take it anymore. You were hyperventilating at this point. Scared of being embarrassed further with your impending sobbing, you turned and sprinted as fast as you could away from the scene. He called after you, but you weren't listening.
He arrived at the ship at the same time you did, leaving you confused. You were about to push past him when he grabbed your waist, stopping you.
"Wait, my love, I'm sorry," he apologised, "Don't cry, please."
You smacked his hand away from your face, "No, don't. If you were really sorry, you'd stop flirting with every woman you see like I told you to! But no, you keep doing it." Your eyes watered again. "Do you have any idea what it's like? Seeing your own lover interested in someone else, not even listening to you?"
Sanji was speechless. He had no idea it affectef you this much, but he blamed himself for going on with it even when you told him not to.
"How would you feel if I flirted with every guy I saw?" You demanded.
"Oh no, please don't," he begged, heart sinking at the thought.
"But it's okay for you to do it?" You looked away, and his heart broke.
"I'm sorry," he apologised again, "I am, really. But I wasn't flirting with her, I promise! I was just asking where she got that dress because it looked so nice and I thought it would look good on you..."
Your eyes widened when you heard this, "Wait, what? Is that why you asked if I liked it?"
"Mhm," he smiled, "I wanted to get it for you if you did."
You were the speechless one now. All that time he had been thinking of you, and you'd gone and assumed the worst. Now you felt even more embarrassed, but for a totally different reason.
"Sanji, I-"
"No need to apologise, love," he immediately hugged you when it seemed like it was okay for him to. "I haven't exactly given you reasons to trust me not to flirt. But I promise, I am doing my best to not do it. I don't want to lose you."
He really was too cute to stay mad at, or even to stay sad about, and you ended up smiling and leaning in to kiss him.
"Fine, but do it again and I'm going to leave you for Zoro."
His face paled, "No no, ma chérie, you can't be serious! Love, wait! Are you serious??" And he followed you to your room, begging you to tell him you were lying.
USOPP
You were well aware that Usopp had had a romantic interest in a girl long before he met you. He would never tell you about her, but Nami and Luffy told you about her and what they knew about her relationship with Usopp. As far as you could tell, they had never done anything more than kiss once.
You felt like you were getting in the way of their relationship, and most days that thought just put you into an emotionless daze. You felt like you couldn't compare, because she seemed to be his first love. And as bad as this sounds, you started to feel like you were a relationship of convenience to him. Someone to keep him company while he longed for another.
"You know that's not true," Nami would reassure you when you confided in her. "He's not like that. He really loves you."
"I can tell he thinks about her sometimes," you argue, "And we don't know whether or not he imagines her in my place when we kiss or do anything remotely romantic. Who's to say he wouldn't go back to her if we somehow made it back to the East Blue?"
Nami couldn't give you the answer to that, and it hurt all the more. You tried not to let it get to you, you really did, but some days were worse than others. Some days you felt inferior, like you were not as pretty as she was, even though you'd never seen her. If he was so crazy about her to still be thinking about her months after he'd met you, he surely still loved her, right?
"Usopp, I have a question," Nami asked the sharpshooter one day.
"Uhhhh, no I did not borrow any money from you..." He replied nervously, eyes darting around the room.
The navigator's eyes narrowed, "We'll get to that later. Anyway, if we went back to the East Blue, what would you do? Would you want to rekindle your relationship with Kaya?"
Usopp's face paled, "What kind of question is that?!"
"Just answer!"
"I...I don't know!" He cried, then attempted to flee only to see you standing in the doorway, your eyes glistening. "(Name)-"
"I get it," you swallowed thickly, "She was your first love. I just wish you'd stop pretending like this relationship means anything to you." You turned and retreated to your room, locking the door and falling down against it, tears flowing freely.
You knew it was unfair. You knew he'd known her his whole life and you just a year. But you kind of hoped that since you'd actually developed what you thought was a meaningful, deep romantic relationship with him, he wouldn't have to think about it. You kind of hoped he would just choose you, simple as that. And you know it was unfair to him, and selfish of you. But you couldn't help it.
"(Name)!" The sharpshooter knocked on your door. "Please let me in!" He sounded panicked, like he did before you all went into a fight.
"Go away, Usopp," you yelled, but the pain in your voice was too clear for him to ignore.
Normally he would give up. He does that very easily. But when it comes to you he doesn't stop, and he never will. He hates leaving you on your own, especially when you're upset and even more so when he's the reason you're upset.
"Please, baby," he pleaded, "Let me explain! I never said I would! Please, just open up. Let's talk about this!"
"You can say what you want through the door," you told him, "Otherwise we don't talk at all." And yes, again this was unfair to him, but again you couldn't help it.
"I know what you must be thinking," he immediately started, "And you're wrong. Yes I used to love Kaya, and yes we almost had a relationship, but that was clearly not meant to be. Because I met you, and I fell in love with you, and I can't imagine loving anyone else now that I know what it feels like to love you." He paused for a moment, thinking of what else to say, and then, "You're the love of my life now, and I know that it will stay that way even if we were to somehow end up back in the East Blue. You are my girlfriend now, and I only ever want or think about you. Please believe me, it'll only ever be you."
Hearing all of this slowly calmed you down, and you didn't even notice when the tears stopped. His sincere, loving words hit you right where you needed them the most, and you stood up to open the door.
"You mean all that?"
"Yes," he looked like he was on the verge of tears himself. "Please don't break up with me."
"Oh, Usopp," you laughed and wiped your eyes, "I could never do that. Especially not after such sweet words. You're stuck with me."
"And hopefully always will be," he added, immediately hugging you and almost crushing your bones. "I'm so sorry (Name), I'm sorry I made you cry!" And then he actually started crying.
"Usopp..."
#one piece#op#one piece x reader#one piece x you#zoro x reader#zoro x you#roronoa zoro#ace x reader#ace x you#portgas d ace#one piece kaku x reader#one piece kaku x you#law x reader#law x you#trafalgar d water law#luffy x reader#luffy x you#monkey d luffy x you#monkey d luffy#sanji x reader#sanji x you#vinsmoke sanji#usopp x reader#usopp x you#usopp
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