#Sorry guys. Hope folks can still get some use out of this at least :(

[royalarchivist]

For folks who missed today's QSMP Movie Night or want to rewatch it with the original audio intact, I've uploaded the Movie Night portion of several members' VODs to a public Google Drive. I will keep these files up until Monday, December 4th, so be sure to watch and/or download whatever you need before then!

UPDATE: The lovely folks at @mcyt-archives have added all Movie Night 2 VODs to the QSMP Archivist VOD Masterlist. If you're still having trouble finding an unmuted version of the VOD you want to watch, check out their archive!

[ As a side note: thank you to everyone who left such kind comments & messages on the previous VOD Archival post. You're all so sweet, it made me feel really happy and appreciated :') ]

[sneakyparsnipslicer]

The Cult Of Knives

[Sorry it's been a while folks, hoping you've all been OK. This came to me in a lucid dream. I've captioned all the photos so you can imagine what each character looks like, enjoy!]

It's an age old mistake, you've seen it in movies no doubt. One thing you never, ever find yourself doing is going within five metres of an abandoned cabin in the woods.

It all began late one afternoon, I'd left my apartment to go for my daily jog. It was a standard part of my daily routine by now; finish work, jog around town, go home. Plain and simple. Work kept me on a little longer that day so it pushed my jog a little further ahead. It wasn't so bad when I started, but soon enough the sky began to darken. On the outskirts of town is a field that leads to a bridge, and near the other side of the bridge is a forest. I used to go camping with my friends back in my school years, but now at 27 I don't really hear from them anymore. They all went off to do their own thing.

Anyway, as I got to the forest, I was relieved. I'd forgotten to go for a piss whilst at home and at least in the forest I could piss in a secluded area. I jogged a little way in, found a bush and did my business. When I'd finished I looked around, remembering those good times with my friends. I decided to have a look around for old time's sake. It's funny how places like these can hold so many memories for certain people. Right there by the river, that's where we all sat blaring Panic! At The Disco in the dead of night, that's where Charlie and Jeanette had sneaked off to have a little… fun. We were barely of the legal age back then, so funny looking back at it now, thinking we were giving the middle finger to society. And of course there it stands, The Old Murder Cabin.

The guys used to tell stories about this cabin, full of bullshit of course, used to scare the girls. Stories of there being an axe murderer living there who cut people up to sell as meat on the market. I remember once me and Paul had dared to break in there one night. It was empty, so it's safe to say the stories fell a bit flat after that. Shane never did forgive us for ruining that for us all. Still, it was like time had stood still here, like I was 18 again.

It was beginning to get darker now and I was thinking about heading back home when I stopped in my tracks. For a moment I could've sworn I heard voices. As soon as I started to pay attention they stopped. Had I imagined it? I cautiously crept along the wall towards a window, holding my breath I peeked in. Inside was the long abandoned kitchen, nothing seemed to be inside. I heaved a sigh of relief and chuckled, just my imagination. Though looking back in again I did notice that the table and chairs had been organised. When Paul and I had gone in years ago it was all slumped against walls and the chairs were upturned. Maybe someone had been living in there at some point. I felt like I shouldn't investigate and decided it would be wise to head home, that's when a huge hand with a cloth swooped out of nowhere, covering my mouth and nose. An arm tightened around my chest and though I tried to break free, the chloroform made short work of me.

'Knew I could see someone down by the river, like a moth to the flame!' someone laughed.

'You reckon he'll do?' asked another. I felt a foot sharply kick me in the side of my stomach and that's where I woke up coughing and spluttering, gasping for air.

'Transpierce, Sabre, restrain him' ordered another voice. Next thing I knew two blurry figures were hoisting me onto a hard surface and were busy on either side of me, fastening belts around my wrists. As my vision began to return to me, I could see that I was tied to the kitchen table inside the cabin. On either side of me stood two burly, hairy and muscular men. The room was lit by candles so this whole premise felt very unsettling and dreary.

'What's going on?' I asked, looking around for answers.

'Looks like you picked a bad night to stumble into the woods kiddo!' said a voice ahead of me. There stood another man built quite similarly to the two either side of me. I couldn't help noticing they were all shirtless, showing off their pecs and abs.

'Sorry, I thought this place was abandoned, I didn't mean to interrupt you all' I said, looking between them. The one ahead of me shook his head and folded his arms.

'Well to be fair it was until about a month ago, that's where I stumbled upon this place' he explained.

'Ah, love what you've done with the place!' I said, laughing nervously. At which they all chuckled in unison.

'He seems rather sweet doesn't he lads?' he asked the other two, to which they both nodded.

'Oh definitely!' said the man on my right.

'A perfect match!' said the man on my left.

'Good, I think so too. Transpierce, go and get Mateusz would you?' the man at the front asked as he moved over to take over his post. The man to my left, Transpierce nodded and walked off to the other room.

'Transpierce, that's an unusual name' I said, looking nervously into the man's eyes, I could only assume he was their leader.

'He chose it himself, we all do. I'm Bayonet, and our friend over there is Sabre' said Bayonet, moving his hands to examine my shoulders.

'Bayonet, that's a kind of knife, right?' I asked him. Bayonet smiled and nodded.

'Intelligent too! I appreciate a man that knows his knives!' he grinned, looking deeply into my eyes. I was feeling really uncomfortable by this point. We seemed to be getting along, but why was I still restrained? He looked up and down my body and sighed.

'It's a pity, you'd have been welcome to join my little Cult as you are, but there are certain… requirements I must enforce' Bayonet said. He left my side and walked over to the doorway that Transpierce had left through.

'Transpierce? Mateuz? What's taking you two so long?' Bayonet demanded.

'Just a moment Boss, he's almost ready!' called Transpierce from the other room.

'Good!' announced Bayonet, satisfied. He turned back to look at me.

'It's always a special occasion when we acquire a new Suit'.

What did he mean, suit? I was in my t-shirt and shorts, and they sure weren't wearing any suits. Bayonet turned his attention to a wooden chest in the corner of the room and pulled out a satchel containing various tools. As he searched the satchel, Transpierce returned to the room accompanied by a skinny-looking guy, either he was drenched in water or covered in some sort of gel that glistened in the candle light. I had to assume this was Mateusz.

'Alright then Matty, this is your moment. Your induction. In your own time' said Bayonet, turning around, holding a syringe and a bottle of glowing green liquid. Mateusz nodded hesitantly and made his way over to me. Our eyes locked and we regarded eachother for a moment. Not gonna lie, he was pretty cute, though he wasn't built and muscular like the other guys. He placed a greasy palm on my left leg and I shuddered. It was cold and strangely felt like a cut to the skin. He moved his hand slowly up my leg to my groin and the others stood back and watched.

Mateusz licked his lips and placed one hand on the table, hoisting himself on top of it, standing above me looking down, he gently lowered himself to sit on my crotch. I'm not usually into twinks but this guy was doing it for me somehow. He moved both of his hands along my arms to my restrained hands and filled them with his own, locking fingers with me. He moved to lay down on top of me and began to kiss me. This guy was good, tonguing my mouth and exploring, I could feel his hardening shaft grinding into me. He pulled away and I moaned. Whatever this guy wanted to do to me, I was his. He sat back up and began to pull his boxers off, letting his erect dick spring free. It had to be 7 inches long. I licked my lips, was I about to get to taste it? He moved to sit on my chest and he cupped my jaw in his hands, staring silently again. Then he moved to position his dick into my mouth and began to face fuck me. I so wished I could hold his body but my hands were restrained. As if they could read my mind, Sabre and Transpierce approached and undid the belt buckles, allowing me to put my hands on his bubble butt. I wanted all of that inside me. Mateusz continued to fuck, panting and groaning, eventually he came in my mouth and I swallowed his thick, creamy load. He pulled himself off me. I gasped for air as I laid down on the table, unable to take my eyes off Mateusz. Him unable to take his eyes off me, he caught his breath and began to smile, chuckling.

Assuming it was my turn to repay him the favour, I moved to pull my t-shirt off, but he stopped me, shaking his head.

'I'm not done yet, that was foreplay!' he said winking. I looked at him bewildered, face fucking was foreplay to him?!

It was at this point Bayonet approached with his syringe and injected the green, glowing substance into Mateusz's arm. It took a moment, but his skin began to glow green and the gel he seemed to have been coated in made him appear to turn rubbery. It was like he was now a hot, humanoid version of Flubber.

'Oh we're going to enjoy this!' Mateusz said, glowing before me. He squeaked and squelched as he moved and returned to sit atop me. He kissed me again, but this time his lips got sucked in, then his head began to get sucked into my mouth, squeaking as it went. I placed my hands on his shoulders and they ran down his slick body as it gradually began to suction into my own. As his torso, ass, dick, arms, legs and feet began to slide into me, my stomach began to balloon out and glow green under my clothes. The other men whooped and cheered. Underneath my skin, I could feel Mateusz repositioning himself, arms into the correct places, legs where they should be. My own skin was beginning to balloon out too, as muscle began to build, my clothes began to rip to shreds. I began to grow pecs and abs just like the other guys, my hands belonged to Mateusz now and he moved them below what remained of my boxers and began to pump our expanded dick. Both of us moaning in unison. I could feel my load getting ready to shoot and that's the last thing I can remember.

Mateusz groaned in pleasure as cum shot out from his new dick, two thick strings and then excess green liquid spewed out. He looked to the ceiling, sweat glistening on his new chiseled body. His friends surrounded him and smiled proudly at him, they'd been masturbating as they watched his merging with the captive jogger and moaned as they emptied their loads over him, christening him a new man, rubbing it all into his skin. Panting, Bayonet helped him to his feet and kissed him.

'Speak your new name, Brother!' he cried. Mateusz thought for a moment.

'Call me Machete!' he decided. Transpierce, Sabre and Bayonet looked between eachother and nodded approvingly.

'Very well! From this night forth you are complete, you are our beautiful Brother Machete!' said Bayonet proudly, hugging him tightly. Now they had four complete members to their ranks, in time their ranks would grow and the Cult of Knives would amass many more followers, but for now it was time they all got some action from Machete!

[musings-of-a-rose]

A New Life

Pairing: Clint “Freaky Tales” x f!readers (there’s 2, both have nicknames)

Word Count: 11,000+ (it's a long one, folks!)

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: a huge shoutout to @nerdieforpedro for beta reading this and giving me the confidence to actually hit post. And to Mr. Rose for helping me out of a corner.

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**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Clint Masterlist

CLINT

“No! No, please! Tell The Guy I'll step back from his territory!”

Clint stares down at the man who's now covered in his own blood, coughing and spitting up the red liquid onto the floor, splashing a little onto Clint's shoes. He looks at the man and grabs his hair, yanking his head back and staring him in the eyes, seeing fear at the rapidly approaching end of his life. 

“Then you should've stopped when we warned you.”

Clint slides his knife into the man's abdomen, watching as the man coughs and sputters, small gasps all he can manage as the life leeches from his body. When he slumps, Clint knows it's over. He sits back, shaking his head and sighing, looking around at the mess all over the tarp he'd placed on the floor. I'm getting tired of this.

He cleans up and disposes of the body properly, his stomach rumbling by the end of his work. A quick glance at his watch tells him it's nearly 3am. He hopes there's still someplace open where he can at least get a cup of hot coffee. 

He drives in the general direction of his apartment for nearly 15 minutes before he sees the neon OPEN sign on the side of a little corner diner. He parks around the back, adjusting his pants and smoothing down his shirt before heading inside, a little bell ringing as the door swings open. It's quiet, only one other person sitting at a booth in the back corner, a man who doesn't look when the bell dings, too absorbed in his own issues. 

“Hey, hun! Have a seat wherever and I'll be right over!” The waitress calls from somewhere behind the counter. Clint looks around and finally settles on sitting at the counter, spinning to face the counter on the bar stool. 

The waitress suddenly appears, smoothing out her skirt before turning to face him and when she does, Clint momentarily forgets how to breathe. She is the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen and her smile makes him feel warm and safe, things he hasn't felt since he was a child. And even then, that's debatable. 

Her smile is bright and wide. “Sorry to make you wait! That damn sink pipe’s entire purpose is to annoy me, I swear. Want some coffee, hun?” She's already got the pot in her hand, regular, not decaf. He nods and she pours him a mug with a smile, sliding a small bowl with some creamer and sugar packets towards him. 

“You look hungry. You a steak man?”

Clint pours one of the sugar packets into his black coffee. “I like steak.”

“Great! The steak here is-” She leans closer to him “-edible. But it's best in town at 3am!”

Clint chuckles, the sound almost unfamiliar to him. “Sounds perfect.”

She writes down his order and turns, placing the ticket in a clip and rotating it, dinging another bell so the cook knows he has an order. 

“James? You back there? You have an order!”

There's some sort of affirmative grunted towards her that she accepts with a shake of her head, turning back to face Clint. 

“James is a nice guy. Lost his hearing in one ear in the war. Sometimes you have to be a little louder for him. At his request of course.” 

Clint nods and takes a sip of his coffee, expecting it to taste bitter and cheap, exactly like what you'd expect coffee at a diner open at 3am to taste like. But to his surprise, it doesn't. A pleasant mix of coffee beans washes over his tongue and he can't help a little moan escape him. 

A different smile, this one more sly. “You enjoying your coffee?”

Clint feels the tips of his ears heat up. “Uh, yeah.”

“I'm glad you like it, Mr….” Her eyebrows raised and Clint chokes down his sip. 

“Clint. No need for a Mr., ma'am.”

She waves her hand with another smile. “No ma'am here. I'm not that old!” She chuckles and tells him her name. “But everyone calls me Poppy.”

Poppy. He likes that name. It makes him feel happier somehow, like she's somehow taking care of him, not just because she's a waitress. 

She continues chatting with him while she bustles around, cleaning things and restocking sugar trays, and cleaning menus, Clint chiming in now and again. The man in the back corner eventually leaves and they're alone in the diner together. Aside from James in the back, who had just set his plate down on the back counter. 

“Thanks, James!”

“I'm going out for a smoke, Poppy.” 

She gives him a thumbs up and James takes off his apron, walking out of the side door. Poppy turns and makes a little fanfare of bringing him his diner steak and potatoes, setting it down in front of him and then casually placing the A1 steak sauce next to him. 

“You might need this.” She winks at him and he melts, what can only be described as butterflies in his stomach. 

Get it together, Clint. You don't do this. You don't like people like this. Fall for people. 

But then he's done with his steak, telling her some funny stories from his childhood. She's sitting across the bar from him, leaning on her elbows as she listens, laughing at all the right places. He's trying desperately hard to not be obvious in staring at her boobs, which had been pushed together tighter the more she leans forward. 

“If you don't mind me asking, Poppy. Why are you working this shitty shift?”

She cocks her head to the side slightly, her eyes on his. “Someone has to be here to serve you.”

He nods. “Yes but why you?” 

She waits a moment. “Maybe I'm just waiting for the right man to come on by.”

Shit. He had told himself she wasn't flirting, that she was just being nice to him for a tip. That he could just flirt a little and then be on his way. Normally, he'd take her out back and fuck her in his truck, promises to call again that he knows he'd never fulfill. But none of those women were her. None of them made him feel this way, her laugh and big eyes smiling at him while he sits here with blood on his hands and his past full of monsters.

So instead, he surprises himself. 

“Can I take you to dinner sometime?”

She glances at the clock on the wall. “If you're not too tired, I'm off in an hour and you can take me for breakfast.”

He smiles an actual genuine smile. “Breakfast it is.”

The conversation flows between them at breakfast, both of them laughing and joking throughout it all. And at the end, he walks her to her car, asking her on another date before they reach it, her enthusiastic “yes” giving him the confidence to kiss her, his hands cupping her face as their lips melt together. He presses her back against the side of her car, his body aching to be with her, inside of her. But not like this. She's different. She's special. He wants to take his time with Poppy. So he pulls back, a promise to pick her up in 2 nights for dinner. 

Clint takes her out on several more dates, falling harder for her each time he sees her, hears her laugh, sees how attentive she is towards him. He doesn't think he deserves her, knows he doesn't, but maybe she's his way out of his world of darkness and bad deeds. The world he's kept hidden from her, whether because he's afraid she'd leave him or he's too afraid to bring his darkness into her light he's not sure. 

But Clint knows he can't leave her. He's gone too far. 

2 weeks in, and his resolve to treat her like a lady, an actual relationship, which is what they'd finally called it, snaps when she opens her door in a black dress that accentuates everything about her that he loves. 

“I know we were supposed to go out tonight Clint, but I thought maybe I could cook for you instead?” She looks nervously up at him and he knows right there, he'd do anything she asked him to.

“If it's not too much trouble.”

She shakes her her, chuckling lightly. “Not at all. Come on in.” 

Clint follows her inside, hearing her lock the door behind him. He kicks his boots off and places them by the door. 

“I thought we could have steak. A real one. Dear James does his best with what he has but…” her voice trails off and Clint chuckles. 

“Steak sounds delicious.”

“Great! Would you like a quick drink before I start cooking? Or are you too hungry?”

“A drink sounds great, thanks.”

He takes a beer from her and she leads him to the couch. They both sit, taking sips from their drinks before setting them on the coffee table. He's nervous, his palms a little sweaty. Why is he so nervous? Clint looks at Poppy and he can see the way she's shifting around slightly, obviously nervous herself, which somehow gives him the confidence he needs. Confidence that he's never had a problem with before. 

When he touches his lips to hers, he knows he belongs to her forever. 

POPPY

I knew what I was doing, inviting Clint in for dinner instead of going to a restaurant as we had planned. But I wanted to take care of him, try and help quell that sadness and regret hidden just behind his eyes, the darkness he swallows and blinks away when our eyes meet, for the sake of me. 

We settle on the couch, each taking a sip of our respective drinks before setting them on the coffee table. I see him wipe his palms across his jeans, a sweet, nervous gesture and I smile shyly, turning my head to the side to tuck some hair behind my ear. I look back up at him and find him looking at me already, his deep brown eyes seeing into me and I feel myself stepping off the cliff, diving headfirst into love. Could it be love this early? I’d felt it before once, in my youth. But I had been burned and so kept my heart behind a lock but somehow, Clint already had the key. 

He keeps his eyes on mine when he slides closer to me, hesitating briefly before placing his hand on my bare thigh, my skin tingling where he touches me. I angle my body towards him a little more, feeling his large hand cup my cheek, a soft smile on his lips before he leans in, pressing his lips to mine. We’ve kissed plenty, made out in the back of his truck for hours and hours, but this is different. The energy has shifted, our paths fully converging to become one. 

He slides his hand on my thigh up higher and I spread my legs for him, opening more than just my body to him. His fingertips brush against my panties and I inhale sharply against his lips, his hand stalling. 

“Is..is this ok?” He asks, a nervous tremble in his voice.

“Please,” I whisper, begging him to touch me again. “Please touch me.”

He kisses me again, pushing his tongue into my eager mouth and I feel him between my legs again, gently stroking up and down, up and down, feeling how wet my underwear has become. He pushes aside my panties, slowly swirling one thick finger around me before pushing in, my whine breaking our kiss before he grunts out, mumbling something about how tight I feel. 

He deepens the kiss, his finger gently stroking inside of me, brushing against me and I moan into his mouth, my legs twitching. When he stops, pulling away from me, I think I’ve done something wrong. But then he slides from the couch, getting on his knees, kissing my thighs as he hooks his fingers in my underwear, sliding them off and tossing them over his shoulder. He pushes my legs open wide, putting them over his shoulders as he stares between my legs, eyes dark and admiring. 

He looks up at me and I nod, knowing what he wants even though I’m not really experienced with it. He places soft kisses on my inner thighs, slowly moving to where his hand had been moments before. When his tongue touches me, I gasp, a breathy “oh” escaping me while my thighs try to slam against his head of their own volition. He chuckles against me and I moan at the vibration, feeling him wrap his hands around my legs to push me open wider. His tongue is relentless, swirling around, tapping, and I reach for him, tangling my fingers into his hair and tugging on it when he lightly sucks on me.

“Oh…oh, I-” I break open, cry out as I come, Clint’s tongue guiding me through my release. I release his hair, my legs falling open as he sits back, wiping his face with the back of his hand. 

He stands, offering me his hand and I take it, allowing him to pull me up against his body. He smells like cedar, a hint of cigarette smoke, and me, my head swimming with the scent of it all. 

“Bedroom?” He asks, his eyebrows raised.

I nod, almost too much in my enthusiasm. “This way.”

I take his hand and lead him on wobbly legs down the small hallway to my bedroom, grateful that I had made the bed this morning. Clint closes the door behind himself and turns to look at me. Several long moments pass where we just look at each other, the energy in the air electric, as if he didn’t have his head between my legs just moments ago. He closes the distance between us in a step or 2, stopping just short of me.

“Turn.”

I do as he says, feeling his large hand work my zipper down, his fingers brushing against my skin as he pulls the dress down and off, coming back to do the same to my bra. He moves my hair off my neck, placing soft kisses there as one hand wraps around my boob and the other dips a finger between my thighs. My head lolls back and I moan, feeling him pinch and tug at my nipple as I get wetter and wetter. I can feel him nearly bulging out of his jeans, the denim pressed against my ass, so I gently grab his wrists and turn around. 

I say nothing as I start to unbutton his flannel, sliding it down and off his broad shoulders, noting the appearance of a new scratch on his chest since the last time he’d taken his shirt off around me. I keep my eyes on his face as my hands unlatch his belt, popping open the button on his pants before carefully sliding down his zipper. I push his jeans down, getting on my knees to help slide them off of his legs. I look up at him as I pull down his underwear, a small grunt from him as he springs free. I want to return the favor, take him in my mouth but then his hand grips my chin, pulling me back to standing. 

“I’d love to feel your mouth on me, but Poppy, I want to make love to you.”

He helps me lay back on the bed, his eyes roaming over my naked body, more dark loving than I’ve ever seen them.

“You’re so beautiful, Poppy.”

I spread my legs, allowing him to settle between them. He kisses me, soft at first, his mustache tickling my upper lip, his hands sliding across my body, goosebumps following in his wake. His lips travel down my neck, finding a spot just below the side of my jaw that has me squirming, my fingers burying themselves in his hair. 

But then he pushes in and the world stops, nothing else in the world exists but us. We meld together, our bodies moving as one, slotting together like we were made for each other. I writhe under him, his hips breaking me open out of my cocoon, showing me what pleasure really is, what love really is. His hips thrust a little harder and I come, his name tumbling from my lips like a chant, praising him as my nails dig into his back. I feel his hips sputter, soft grunts and pants in my ear as he comes with me, his forehead coming to rest against mine. 

“Holy shit,” he says, his breath puffing out against my face. “That was..”

“It was.”

He lifts his head and looks at me, kissing me softly before pulling out, and getting a washcloth to clean me up. 

A steak dinner never tasted so good.

CLINT

He was the happiest he’d ever been. Poppy was a beacon of light in the darkness that was his life, always there to welcome him with open arms. It had only been a few weeks, but he loved her. He knew deep down that he never wanted to be without her. 

He just felt so fucking guilty about it. 

He was torn on telling her about his job, his real job, not the one he told her he did. He wasn’t a delivery man, although he did deliver whatever terrible fate that The Guy bestowed upon those who crossed him in business. He’d been a little too preoccupied tonight and his mark managed to slice his cheek with a knife before Clint snuffed the life from him.

But Poppy doesn’t even question it, just takes him into the bathroom and gently cleans his cut, dabbing some alcohol on it that burns, but not enough to distract him from the guilt he feels. He knows he has to get out. 

A few months go by and he couldn’t be happier with Poppy. They had been dating for about 8 months and he wanted desperately to ask her to move in with him, but first he had to leave The Guy. He couldn’t have him showing up whenever he felt like it. No matter what, he would protect Poppy from that side of his life. 

After he kills his next mark, he heads back to The Guy to give him his confirmation of delivery, so-to-speak. 

“What would I do without you, Clint?”

Clint shifts his weight to his back leg, hands on his hips. “Actually, I need to talk to you about that.”

The Guy sits back in his chair, lacing his fingers together. “Oh?”

Clint clears his throat. “Yeah. I uh, I need to retire.”

The Guy raises an eyebrow. “Retire?”

“Yeah. My body isn’t what it used to be. My knees almost gave out tonight. I can’t continue like this.”

The guy sits there, his fingers still laced together as he studies Clint. “You have served me well, Clint. I’ll let you out, holding onto that evidence in case you try to cross me-”

“I would never. I’m not a snitch.”

The Guy holds up a hand. “I know. One can never be too careful these days. I think you get that?” Clint nods. “Good. I’ll let you out but I have one more delivery for you to make first. You’re the only one I can trust with it. What do you say?”

Clint stands there for a moment, thinking about his options. He only has one. “Deal.”

They shake on it, The Guy gives him the details, and Clint is out the door, feeling a little lighter now that he can see the light at the end of the tunnel. He’s finally getting out, starting a new life free of bloodshed with the love of his life.

He killed that last mark in near record time, The Guy shaking his hand and thanking him for all of his hard work. 

He knows she’s on the late shift again tonight, so after he cleans up, Clint heads over to the diner, their diner, watching Poppy move about through the dusty window. She smiles at a customer, but when Clint walks in and she sees him, her entire faces lights up, her eyes beaming as she crosses the room, pressing her lips to his and forgetting herself for a few seconds before pulling back, her face hot.

“Clint! To what do I owe this surprise?”

“Move in with me.”

He hadn’t meant to ask it like that, so blunt and harsh. But he couldn’t wait anymore and it sort of just came out when he opened his mouth. Surprise on her face, her eyes widening for a moment before that smile splits her face again, the one she has only for him.

“When can I get my things?”

They get married exactly 1 year from the day they met.

“Poppy! What are you doing?” Clint rushes into the kitchen, quickly snatching the knife Poppy was using to spread peanut butter on her sandwich. 

“Clint, I’m pregnant, not sick. I can do it myself.”

“The doctor said to rest.”

She smiled, a soft smile and squeezed his bicep. “The doctor said for me to relax the last 2 months. Not stay in bed entirely.”

Clint sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Just..let me do things for you, ok? Have a seat on the couch and I’ll bring your food.”

Poppy looks like she wants to argue for a moment, but then gives in, tossing her hands in the air before heading into the living room. 

“And don’t forget the-”

“Apples. I got it, Poppy.”

Clint arranges 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and some apple slices on a plate, also grabbing a glass of water to set on the coffee table in front of her. She reaches for the plate with grabby hands, smiling and shifting her weight as she settles in, making light work of the food before downing half the glass of water. 

“Thanks, babe.”

Clint puts his arm around her shoulders and kisses her head. “Anything for you.” He shifts a little. “You need a foot massage?”

“The day I turn down a foot massage, just know I’m a clone.”

Clint chuckles as he helps Poppy turn, laying back on the couch, her head on the arm. He takes one of her feet in his hands and starts to work them, spending extra time on the knots and sore spots. The sounds Poppy makes has him shifting in his seat, his hands starting to work up her legs. He gets to her upper thighs, leaning down to press kisses along her inner thigh before she gently grabs his wrist. 

“Hey now, that’s what put this here,” she gestures to her belly. 

Clint presses another kiss to her inner thigh, higher up this time, listening as her breath hitches. “Well then, let me help you relax.”

Clint spends the next hour buried between her legs, Poppy’s fingers twisting in his hair, his fingers digging into her legs as she chants his name over and over and he thinks this would be the perfect way to go: smothered between his wife’s thighs.

“And that makes the last payment! Will you be taking home the crib today, sir?”

Clint puts his wallet in his pocket, nodding to the cashier. “I’ve got my truck out front.”

“Let me call for some help.” The cashier leans over her mic and asks for someone named John to come to the front for customer assistance. She makes idle chit chat with Clint, asking how his wife is doing so close to her due date.

“She’s stubborn and better be sitting her ass down and letting me take care of her,” Clint chuckles along with the cashier. 

“Don’t be too hard on her. She is fighting that nesting urge. It’s hard to resist, trust me!”

John comes up and takes the other end of the large box that contains a beautiful wooden crib that Poppy had laid eyes on months ago, determined to have that exact one for their baby. Clint had put it on layaway that same day, making sure he’d pay it off in time to assemble it before the baby’s arrival. He thanks John and takes off, glancing in the back at the box and smiling a little, already envisioning Poppy’s ecstatic face when she sees what he’s brought home. He turns onto their gravel drive, pulling into his parking spot and shifting the truck to park. He glances up at the house before reaching for the handle and freezes.

The door is cracked open. 

It’s very unlike Poppy to leave the door open, even when bringing in groceries. Clint’s eyes remain glued to the door, but he leans over to open the glovebox, carefully extracting the handgun he had stashed there. He checks the make sure it’s loaded before getting out of the truck, cautiously moving towards the front door, his stomach twisting tighter and tighter the closer he got. 

There were wood chips on the front step, an indication that this was not simply a case of forgetting to close the door. Someone had broken in. Gently, he pushes the door open, waiting a moment and hears nothing. He steps inside, gun raised and ears on high alert for anything, any sound. The main hall and living room are empty, aside from furniture tossed about, some of it destroyed. But as he cuts through the dining room just about to reach the kitchen, his boot slips and he looks down, choking back the fear and panic that immediately threatened to take him over.

Blood. 

He pushes into the kitchen, eyes roaming around at the mess and then he steps around the island, dropping to the floor and tossing the gun aside. 

“Poppy? Oh God Poppy? Can you hear me?” He cradles her head in his lap, tears flowing down his cheeks. Her color is pale and he can’t tell where the blood is coming from exactly. But then she blinks and he lets out a choking cry as she looks at him.

“Hey baby! Don’t move. I’m gonna call someone.”

“C…Cl…Clint…” Her words are choked and he can tell she’s holding back tears.

“Ssshh don’t talk, baby. You’ll be alright. I’m here now.” He reaches up on the counter, hand tapping around and landing on the phone before pulling it down to him. He quickly dials 9-1-1, barking at the responder to send an ambulance immediately before Poppy calls his name again and he drops the phone.

“They’re coming, Poppy. Just hold on.”

“Clint…I…I love you.”

“Hey now, none of that. You’re going to be ok, you hear me?” His throat is tight, his stomach churning as he pets her head, wiping the blood onto his pants. 

“Please..be happy. I want…want you to be..be happy.”

“I will be happy because you’ll be here with me.” He cradles her head in his lap, the tears falling harder and she reaches up, a wavering hand smeared with blood that she places on his cheek. Their eyes meet and in them he can see her resolve, her sorrow not for her own life but for him, for not being able to be here for him.

“Be happy, Clint. Have..have a good life. I can’t wait-” she gasps and closes her eyes for a moment before blinking them open and he can already see the glossiness in them. “-can’t wait to hear..all about it. I…I love you, Clint.” 

He swallows hard. “I love you too, baby.”

She smiles, one last time before she slumps, the light in her eyes that hard brightened his life gone, snuffed out too soon. Clint wails, yells, screams, and sobs into the empty house, holding her close. The pain is too loud, too raw and real, threatening to overtake him. But then people are in their house, his house, trying to take her from him. He fights back, yelling and screaming they can’t take her from him, and then he feels a sting in his neck before the world blacks out around him. 

It’s a bright and sunny day, the sky a vibrant shade of blue, and just the right amount of fluffy, white clouds in the sky. Poppy would call it the most perfect of days, warm but not too warm, the perfect day to spend outside. 

Clint blinks in the sunlight as he watches them lower 2 caskets into the ground, one considerably smaller than the other, the priest saying some sort of prayer over them as the people gathered around shed their tears. Clint picks up a handful of dirt, holding it in his hand for a few moments while he stares down at the wooden boxes that contain his family, his future, all taken from him in the blink of a violent eye. He always thought he’d be the one to go out that way, in a bloody mess. But not them. They didn’t deserve this.

Clint tosses the dirt on the caskets and steps back, letting her parents toss handfuls on top as well, not really hearing them when they bring him in for a hug and mumble something about coming over for dinner. He doesn’t hear any of them as they file past him, patting his shoulder, telling him if he needs anything to just call. That they were all here for him. But what he needs the most, they can’t provide. No one can bring them back, bring her back.

Clint returns home, skipping the wake at her parents’ house for some quiet contemplation. The house is nearly silent, only the clock on the wall and the hum of the appliances make any sort of noise. Clint sits at the little table they had in the kitchen, staring down at the floor where he had held her for the last moments of her life. 

He had cried so much since then, wailing and screaming at the world, begging whomever is listening to take him instead, that he would gladly switch places with them, give up his sorry life for them to have a chance. But of course, nothing happened besides his throat hurting, his eyes stinging from overuse. 

But as he stares at the floor, depression and sorrow washing over him, a small thought ticks at the back of his head. He initially had thought it was a random break in, not all uncommon in Oakland. But when he had picked up the pieces of his broken life, he had noticed that nothing had been missing. All of Poppy’s jewelry, despite most of it being costume jewelry, was still there, so was the tv and pretty much everything else. It hadn’t clicked then, too preoccupied in his immediate grief to really think. 

This wasn’t a random act of violence. This was targeted. This was specific. This was for him. 

Clint hates himself anew, burying his face in his hands at the idea of him being the cause of their death. But then it hits him, washes over him and changes his purpose. Once it was to take care of her, of his family, but that had been ripped away and so had his future, his purpose. 

Vengeance. 

He had nothing left to lose. Nothing that anyone could possibly take from him. So why not go out in a blaze of violence, taking down everyone that was connected to his wife and child’s death.

Clint pushes his sorrow aside, locking it away gently as he gets to work locating those who would soon meet their day of judgement.

Several months later…

Clint sits in his truck, staring at the entrance to a seedy bar, watching a few wayward souls enter, one punching the other in the arm before the door closes behind them. He glances down at the paper in his hand, triple checking that he had the address right. He takes out a lighter and burns the paper, waiting until the last embers fade out before getting out of his truck and heading inside. 

He sits at the bar and orders a drink, taking a few sips before flagging down the bartender again, asking him if he recognizes a few names. The bartender, a middle aged man with eyes that had seen war, stares at him for a few moments before nodding towards a corner, a small group of men standing around the pool table. Clint thanks the bartender, leaving a large tip on the counter before turning in his stool to watch the men. There were 4 of them and they were already towing the line between buzzed and drunk, slightly stumbling around before taking their shots. 

Clint moves silently over, quietly sliding his blade into 2 of them, not waiting for their bodies to crumble to the floor before the other two even noticed he was there. One tried to swing at him, which he dodges easily, his blade quieting the man’s movements. The last guy, Rick, backed into a corner, desperately fumbling with something he had in the back of his pants, presumably a gun. Clint takes 2 large steps towards him, a second too late to see the man stop searching for the gun and grab a knife instead, swinging it wide and slicing into Clint’s side.

Clint stumbles, grunting for a moment before straightening up, dodging the man’s swings, ignoring the yelps from the other bar patrons as Rick swings wildly, knife cutting into the air just in front of Clint. He gets a few more blows in, pain searing into Clint before he grabs Rick’s wrist, turning it with a crack, Rick yelping in pain as his knife drops to the floor. Clint gets his knife to Rick’s side, pinning him against the wall.

“You killed my family.”

“Wh..what?”  

Clint presses the knife a little harder and Rick grunts in pain. “You killed my family.”

“Look look look. I don’t know who you are, man!” Another small push and Rick yelps again. “Can you be more specific?”

Clint glares at him. “In my kitchen. Woman. Pregnant.”

The color seems to drain from the man’s face as he recognizes the situation. “Oh..oh..well, listen, we were just given’ the assignment, right? No hard feelings. We were just doing what we were told!”

“Who told you?”

“Ah, look man. I can’t just-” Clint pushes the knife further, feeling warmth start to seep out around the knife. “-ok ok! Fuck, stop! I’ll tell you!” He whispers a name to Clint, a name that sounded vaguely familiar. Frances Stokes. He thinks he’s worked with him before.

“Is that all?” Clint barks out.

Rick furiously nods his head. “Yes, yes!”

“Thanks.” Clint drives the knife further in and up, waiting for Rick to slump over. But when he turns around, the barrel of a gun is pointed at him, the bartender obviously nervous.

“Get out of here, man! Just go!”

Clint doesn’t need telling twice. He doubts anyone in here will say anything, each of them involved in their other dark dealings to be in a place like this. Clint makes it to the front door, stumbling out onto the sidewalk, his hand clutched to his side. He glances down at his hand, seeing the crimson shine in the street light. He glances up and for a moment is transported: a woman, the same hair as Poppy’s stares back at him, only a few feet away, eyes wide as she takes him in. 

“Look out!” She yells at him, just in time for Clint to turn, stopping the man that had been running up behind him with a fist to his stomach. They both fall to the ground, rolling and punching before Clint gets on top, letting his fists fly as the guy’s head slams against the pavement. Clint shifts off of him, turning to see the woman still there, her hair like a shining beacon before he feels himself falling backwards, the blackness swallowing him.

Sunlight warms his face and for a moment, Clint feels transported. Like he was at home, safe in his bed with-

He blinks awake, reality slamming into him as he remembers punching the guy out before blacking out. His head feels like it’s splitting in 2, and his side hurts bad, like he had been stabbed - wait. He had been stabbed. He tries to sit up, groaning and laying back down when his head felt like it was splitting open.

“Hey, he lives! I wouldn’t sit up just yet.” 

Clint blinks rapidly a few times, the disembodied voice trying to permeate its way into the meat that is his brain right now. But then a person moves into his vision and it all comes flooding back: the woman from outside the bar. The one with hair just like Poppy’s.

“Where..” Clint coughs, just realizing how dry his mouth is. 

“Take it easy. I have some water here with a straw.” The woman grabs a cup off the side table and holds it next to him, pinching the straw inbetween her thumb and pointer finger so it stays in place. Clint debates for a moment on taking the drink from a stranger, but then again, if she had wanted to kill him, she’d have left him on that sidewalk. So he takes a few greedy sips before she pulls the straw from his mouth.

“Take it easy. Small sips.”

“Throat..dry.”

“Yeah, I know. You’ve been out for 2 days. But you have to take small sips so you don’t overload your system.”

Clint nods and the straw returns. He does as she says and realizes she was right. She sets the cup back on the side table.

“Where am I?” Clint lets out a small cough.

“You’re at my apartment. I couldn’t just leave you there, not after you took care of that man.”

The man. Right. “He ok?”

“I shouldn’t have bothered checking him, not after he nearly attacked me, but I’m a nurse and I took an oath so,” She gestures vaguely around the room. “He died on the sidewalk.”

Well that’s one less thing he has to worry about. “You don’t seem shaken about that.”

Her eyes go somewhere else for a moment before she blinks. “I’m no stranger to death.”

Silence rules the room for several long moments. 

“Are you hungry? I have some pain pills but we should get some food in you too. I also have some clean towels and clothes in the bathroom if you’d like to shower.”

“I think food sounds good.”

She nods and heads out of the room, distant sounds coming from the kitchen. Clint looks around the room. It was obviously her bedroom, sparsely decorated but a few photos of presumably family sit in frames on her dresser, as does an empty vase. She has a random poster on the wall, a movie poster for The Thing. The blanket he has is soft and light blue, but not frilly like he’d expect. But it is warm and comforting. She comes back in with a tray, a bowl of vegetable soup and a grilled cheese sandwich sitting on it, a glass of water off to the side. She places it on the dresser and walks to him. 

“Let me help you sit up.”

“Oh, I don’t want to mess your sheets up.”

She waves her hand. “Don’t worry about it. I can always get new sheets.”

She helps him sit up, Clint holding his head for several moments before the searing pain abates. She puts the tray over his lap, tapping on the tray next to 2 small pills. “Make sure to take those now and eat some food after. I’ll let you eat.”

Clint reaches for the pills. “Thanks, Flo.”

She cocks her head and looks at him. “Flo?”

Clint pops the pills in his mouth, taking a few more sips of water to swallow them with, hoping they act fast. “Yeah. Like Florence Nightingale. The nurse?”

She smiles and tells him her name. “But Flo. I like it.”

That night, Flo insists he takes her bed again, that he needs the space to recover. He tries to argue but she’ll have none of it, promptly telling him goodnight and to yell if he needs anything before closing the door most of the way. 

The pain in his side keeps him from getting a good sleep, pain throbbing out from the wound Flo had stitched up. He didn’t want to bother her, he could just grunt through it, but then she was there, softly pushing the door open and rubbing sleep from her eyes. 

“Fuck, didn’t mean to wake you, Flo.”

She yawns and stretches, her sleep shirt lifting a little and exposing a sliver of skin. “You didn’t. I have to get up for work anyway. But I can see you’re in pain. The meds not working?”

He shakes his head. “Not really.”

“That happens sometimes when you gain consciousness. Give me a minute.” She disappears into the other room and returns a few minutes later, some scrubs tossed quickly on. She has a small pill bottle in her hand and she shakes one out, handing it to Clint.

“You can have one of these now but not another until I get home, ok? It’s pretty strong so don’t go mixing it with alcohol or anything.”

Clint nods. “Got it.” He pops the pill and swallows it, thanking Flo as she sets down some food next to him. 

“I’m going to be home this evening, but if you need me, here’s my work number. Just ask for me.” She sets a piece of paper down next to the phone on the nightstand. She pauses for a moment and looks at him. “I’ll uh..see you tonight.”

The meds kick in when she leaves and mercifully, they knock him out, Clint finally able to get the sleep his body desperately needed.

Fuck, getting injured at his age was not fun. Stabbings hurt a lot more than they used to. When Flo gets home she brings him more food, then has him take another pain pill. He passes out again, his dreams carrying him to dark places with familiar violent themes. He thrashes about, trying to rid himself of the images, and is yanked from his nightmare by a hand squeezing his shoulder. Clint’s eyes fly open and Poppy is standing there, her hair framing her face. He reaches out to touch her cheek, his fingers barely touching her soft skin.

“Poppy?”

She’s saying something that he can’t make out, so he shakes his head and blinks a few times. But when he opens them, he sees Flo standing there, worry etched in her features. 

“Clint! Are you with me?”

He puts his hand to his head and nods. “I…I think so.”

She puts her hand on his chest, trying to help him slow his breathing. “Are you ok? You were making a lot of noise.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be. Are you ok?”

He takes a moment, his head still foggy. “I…will be. I think.”

She stands there for another moment. “Who’s Poppy?”

Clint's eyes harden as he glares at her. “What did you say?”

Flo pulls her hand back, regret in her eyes. “Poppy. You were calling her name. Is it someone I can call for-”

“NO! Don’t ever say that name again! Get out!”

Flo nods and leaves the room, closing the door behind her. Tears immediately fall down his cheeks and he buries his face in the pillow, remembering the first and last time he’d seen Poppy.

It was nearly a week before he could tolerate not being on those heavy pain meds. Basic ones now worked just as well and his head started to clear. He was having flashes of memories from the week but nothing concrete. He did feel like he needed to apologize to Flo but for what, he couldn’t clearly remember.

Clint walks to the kitchen, the movement feeling good. He puts together a dinner of sorts, random things he can find in Flo’s fridge that seems to just have ingredients, nothing premade. He just sits on the couch, taking a bite of a sandwich when the front door opens and Flo walks in, gently shaking out her coat before hanging it on the hook. 

“Raining?” Clint asks, his mouth still full of sandwich.

“Oh, hey! Yeah. Not so bad here but it was pouring by the hospital.” She moves around to sit next to him on the couch, her eyes studying him. “How are you feeling?”

“So much better. I really can’t thank you enough.”

She glances down at his plate with his small sandwich. “Why don’t I whip us up something warm? Just give me a few minutes to wash off the day.”

“Oh you don’t-”

“I have to eat too. I’ll just make more.”

She made something called pesto pasta, which Clint had never heard of before. It was different but he would eat it again for sure. They watched some game show and then the news before Flo was yawning. 

“You want to take your bed back tonight?”

“No, that’s ok. You take it. I’ve got my own little nest going out here.”

Clint chuckles. “If you’re sure.”

He gets ready for bed and sits down to get comfortable. It was then he noticed that he had left his medicine in the living room. Before he could do anything, there was a soft knock at the door and Flo comes in carrying the pain meds. 

“You forgot these. Figured you’d want them.”

“Thanks.” Clint takes the bottles and pops them open, swallowing the pills with the glass of water on the nightstand. Flo turns to leave but Clint stops her.

“Wait. Can I ask you something?”

Flo turns around to look at him. “Sure.”

“Did I…did I do or say anything to you when I was on those big meds?”

Her face hardens slightly. “Nothing I’m not used to. It’s ok.”

“Fuck. I’m sorry. What did I say?”

“It’s ok, really. I’ve had worse.”

“It’s not ok to me.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Flo, please. Tell me.”

She hesitates a moment, her eyes bouncing between his before she sits on the bed. 

“You were making a lot of noise one night and I came in to check on you. Your eyes opened but I don’t think you were really seeing things. You kept calling me Poppy. And when I asked who she was, you flipped out.”

Clint’s jaw tightens as the memory floods back. Her hair. That’s what made him think…

“Listen, you don’t have to tell me, Clint. I just wanted to know if I needed to call someone-”

“Poppy…was my wife.”

“Oh.”

Silence stretches on for several seconds before Clint swallows hard, continuing.

“She was…the love of my life. Made me a better man. Great woman. We got married…got pregnant. And then…” Clint clears his throat, blinking back tears, Flo waiting patiently, letting him take his time.

“I came home one day and they were…I held her while she…died.” He whispers the last word, but it’s like he yelled it, screamed it. He’d never talked about it with anyone, not even Poppy’s parents. 

Flo puts her hand on his and squeezes. “I’m so sorry, Clint.” He just nods, trying not to lose his shit in front of her. 

“You have her hair. It’s almost exactly like hers. So I guess I saw it and mixed with the meds, I thought…you were her.”

Flo nods, squeezing his hand a little harder. “I understand.”

Clint looks at her, his eyes hardening slightly. “How would you understand? How would you know what it’s like?”

She takes a deep breath before puffing it out. “I was engaged once. High school sweethearts. We were waiting to get married until we were out of school. Anyway, he was taking night classes and one night, this other guy decided it would be super fun to get drunk and drive….I lost my future that night. And I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

Fuck. So she did know exactly how it feels.

“You remind me of him sometimes.” She says it so quietly Clint almost misses it.

“I do?”

“Yeah. It’s not…it’s in your small movements, the way the light hits your hair sometimes. So..I get it. Honestly, it’s just nice having someone else here. Someone who gets it.”

“Yeah. It is.” Clint squeezes her hand back and she looks at him, her eyes big in the lamp light, the glow bouncing off her hair and looking just like Poppy’s. 

Their hands stay intertwined for several long moments, Clint rubbing his thumb gently over the back of her hand. She scoots a little closer to him, her hand gently sliding up his arm. Clint’s breath picks up as her hand cups his cheek and they lock eyes, both silently asking the other if this was ok. Clint hesitates for a moment before slowly lowering his head to hers, their lips gently touching. Flo’s lips are soft and a little more plush than Poppy’s, but her tongue timidly brushing against his lips is all the permission he needs. 

His hand slides to the back of her head, his fingers tangling in her hair as he pulls her close, his tongue dancing with hers. She moans softly, clutching at his shirt and he feels his pants growing tighter. Flo pulls back slightly, resting her forehead against his. 

“Bedroom. Nurse’s orders.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Flo takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom, the door closing behind them. For a moment they stare at each other, another moment of confirmation before she starts to pull her shirt off, the rest of her clothes following. Clint matches her actions, his own clothes falling into a pile on the floor. His eyes roam over her body before stepping forward, pulling her face to his again. Her fingers glide up the sides of his body, her warmth pressing into him and it all feels so intense, but not bad. He walks her backwards, her legs hitting the bed and she breaks the kiss to climb up it, Clint crawling over her, Flo’s legs opening to give him space. Her hands lightly squeeze his biceps, which feels nice but then the light from outside hits her hair a certain way and for a moment he’s transported, sees Poppy. 

His hips push against hers as his hand grips her hair, her heat enveloping him as she moans, her legs wrapping around him. He blinks and it’s Flo again, but as he works his hips against hers, the light catches every now and then in her hair, he gets flashes of Poppy.

Fuck, this feels good. It had been so long since he’d held someone, felt them touch him like this. He had been alone for too long, not letting himself live fully. He felt guilty, even with Poppy telling him to live his life. His eyes find Flo’s and he can tell she goes somewhere else occasionally too, his guilt slightly lessening at the thought he’s bringing her some comfort like she is him.

He can feel himself getting closer to the edge. He licks his fingers and snakes them between their bodies, teasing her between her legs. He can feel her starting to squirm, her breaths starting to pick up. Clint grabs her hand with his free one, lacing their fingers together as he pushes her hand into the mattress slightly above her head. Her fingers dig into his skin but the second she tightens around him he comes, burying his face in her hair. 

When he rolls off of her, Clint pulls her to him, feeling her nuzzle further into his chest before falling asleep. He stays awake a little longer, gently tracing shapes on her back as he thinks.

In the morning, just before the sun rises, he gets dressed, gathering up the handful of personal items he had. He hesitates briefly, staring down Flo as she sleeps. He presses a kiss to her head, silently thanking her for everything she had done for him before he steps out into the morning light, back into his life of violence.

A Few Months Later…

“You thought you could just kill my family and nothing would happen?” Clint twists the knife he had in the man’s leg, smirking when he screams out in pain.

“N..no!”

“Then why did you come for them?” Clint taps the knife and the man whimpers. 

“I wasn’t…we weren’t going to.” Tears were streaming down the man’s face, fear at seeing the end of his life.

“But then you decided to try and find me? Why?”

The man takes a shuddering breath. “Will you not kill me if I tell you?”

Clint grips the knife and the man cries out. “How about I’ll kill you if you don’t?”

“OK! OK!” He takes another breath, inhaling sharply through his nose. “We weren’t trying to seek revenge. But then one day, we get invited to this house and get handed everything on you. Who you are, where you live, all of it.”

Clint cocks his head. “Who gave it to you? Why?”

“They..they said they would give us a chance at revenge. Only if we promise to…to take you out.”

“Take me out. Why did you kill my wife?”

The man blinks, swallowing hard. “We were told to since she was…since your line would be carried on.”

Clint had to take several deep breaths so he didn’t turn this man inside out. He still needed one more piece of information. Someone had betrayed him, and he had a strong feeling he knew who. He swallows down his rage and looks the man in his eyes.

“Who?” He grunts it through gritted teeth and the man shivers. 

“He’ll kill me.”

Clint twists the knife hard and the man screams, jerking around against his restraints. “Who?”

The man seems to rethink his situation. “The….The Guy.”

That was the answer Clint was hoping not to hear but had a suspicion he would. It was the only thing that made sense. The Guy didn’t want him to quit, his best hitman. He knew the only way Clint would come back would be to have someone take away his new life. And The Guy made sure of that. 

Before the man could beg, Clint yanked the knife from his leg and slit his throat, waiting until the gurgling and sputtering stopped, his body still before he sighs, getting to work on cleaning up the mess. But his mind was elsewhere, planning and plotting. Which is why he didn’t hear another man coming up behind him until it was too late, his body falling sideways and slamming into the ground. 

The man gets on top of him, pulling out a knife. Clint dodges as best he can, but he does get a good knick on his shoulder. Grunting, Clint throws his body weight and the man, a lot skinnier than him, gets thrown off balance. Clint pushes up and manages to flip them, gripping the man’s wrist and slamming it against the floor, the knife clattering across the ground. No weapon in hand, Clint reaches for the man’s head, but his shoulder sends searing pain down his arm. He must have dislocated it when he hit the ground. Instead, Clint grabs the man’s hair, slamming his head into the ground until he stops moving. He gets off the man and sits for a moment to catch his breath, his shoulder throbbing.

Well this will make cleaning up suck. 

He can’t go to the hospital, but he knows he needs stitches. He can’t do it himself because of his fucking shoulder, which is just violently throbbing at this point. He knows where he can go, but should he? Finally, he gives in, knowing he has no other option. It’s not that he doesn’t want to see Flo, he does. He really does. But that’s the exact reason he shouldn’t go. He doesn’t need to bring his shit to her.

He sighs, knocking on her door. It takes a moment but the door opens and there she is, almost glowing, just gorgeous. And for a moment, he’d forgotten why he was there.

“Oh! You’re bleeding!” Flo takes his hand but he jerks it back.

“Shoulder is dislocated.”

“You’re just all kinds of fun. Come on in.” 

Clint heads inside, kicking off his boots before following Flo into the kitchen. She pulls out a chair from the table and motions for him to sit down as she goes to get her med kit. She returns a moment later and sets it on the table, moving to stand next to him. 

“I take it you’ve had a dislocated shoulder before?” 

Clint looks up, her eyes big and round and he momentarily wonders why he had left. He nods, preparing himself while she gets into position, gripping him.

“Ready?”

“Just do it.”

Flo nods, looking down at his arm. “1…2…I’m pregnant.”

“What?! FUCK!” His arm pops back into place, the initial sharp pain quieting down to a dull ache. Flo hands him some pain meds and a glass of water but he pushes them away.

“What the fuck did you say?”

“Take these. You’ll need them. I’ll also sling your arm.” 

“Fuck the sling. Flo, you’re…you’re pregnant?”

She takes the sling off the table, not meeting his eyes yet. She helps him get situated in the sling and reaches for the alcohol to start dabbing at his other arm. Clint had completely forgotten about the knife gash. But before she starts, he grabs her wrist, giving it a little shake so she’ll look at him. She sighs and meets his gaze, worry etched in her face.

“I..am.”

“Who…am…am I…”

“I’ve only been with you since the accident.”

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. He didn’t mean to get her pregnant. Fuck, this is not what either of them need. It’s not that he doesn’t want the kid. He would love to be a dad, was going to be a dad before…fuck. He has to kill The Guy or he’d find them and kill them too. FUCK. He has to protect them. Clint is so wrapped up in his thoughts that he doesn’t even feel it when Flo starts to sew his wound, tying it off and putting a bandaid over it.

“You should be all set. Just try not to fuck with that shoulder too much.”

Clint’s mind clears and he focuses on the main objective: to keep Flo and his unborn child safe. He can’t let them die for him, for his mistakes. He will never let that happen again, even if it kills him.

“I’ve gotta go.” Clint abruptly stands and pushes past a bewildered Flo, grabbing his keys and closing the door gently behind him. It never occurs to him to say anything to Flo. She doesn’t need to know about this. About any of it. He’s so absorbed in his thoughts, he doesn’t hear the sobs coming from inside the home as he walks away from it. 

It takes him another month to locate The Guy’s new hiding place. He imagines it would be difficult for anyone to find - anyone who doesn’t know The Guy like he does. Clint watches from his steakout point, his eyes hardening and his brain sliding into his job mode, compartmentalizing what he needs to do to protect his family. What he should’ve done before.

The bodyguards at the door hesitate when Clint walks towards them, but soon they are silenced, slumping to the ground before they even had time to draw their guns. Quietly, Clint moves inside, making his way down the hall, silencing another several guards. The Guy really needed to hire better employees. He pauses outside of what looks like a main door, listening. From inside, he hears a familiar voice, a voice that has commanded him to do so many violent things for him.    

“I don’t care what it takes, I want it done!” A phone slams down, The Guy sighs. “I swear, it’s so hard to find good help these days.” 

Clint listens for a few minutes, hearing no other movement behind the door aside from The Guy, assuming he was alone in his office. Clint takes a deep breath and stands straight, holding his gun at the ready before pushing in the door and aiming his gun directly at The Guy. When Clint enters, The Guy glances up, all color draining from his face. He was totally alone and he knew from looking at Clint that the cat was out of the bag.

“H-hey Clint. How’s retired life?”

“Why?”

Beads of sweat start to drip down The Guy’s temples. “Why what?”

“Why did you kill them?”

He seems to debate for a moment, settling on the truth instead of pretending he didn’t know. “Look man, good workers are hard to find. And you were the best. You did everything for me and so when you wanted to leave….well, you knew too much.”

“So you took out my family?”

The Guy shrugs. “I figured maybe you’d come back if you had nothing left. Besides, I couldn’t have you continuing your line if they’d go to work for someone-”

POP!

Clint fires his gun, hitting The Guy directly in the forehead, his body crumbling to the ground. He listens for a moment, but no one comes running. No one else is here. Clint lowers his gun, dropping to his knees and buries his face in his hands, wailing and screaming, as he gets closure on the last chapter of his life.

Clint stands in front of Flo’s door, hesitating for a moment before knocking. He had been sitting in front of her apartment for another 2 weeks, making sure no one was casing the joint. But no one would - Clint had taken out the remainder of The Guy’s associates. No one would be coming for them. 

The door opens and Flo stands before him looking absolutely breath taking. Her eyes widen and her mouth nearly drops on the floor.

“Clint?” She whispers it, hesitating for a moment before reaching her hand out. 

“It’s me.”

SLAP!

Clint rubs at his cheek, chuckling a little to himself at the assault. He deserved that. He deserved more than that.

“What the fuck Clint? I tell you I’m pregnant with your baby and you just leave? Not even a word?”

He holds his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry, Flo. But I had to…had to make sure you were safe.”

“I don’t expect you to be involved, but you could’ve- safe?”

He nods. ”Can I come in?”

She studies him, her eyes somehow seeing through him and she nods, opening the door. “Lock it behind you.”

This time, he decides to tell her everything, about his past life, about what happened to Poppy, what he’d done now to protect them. How he couldn’t let it happen again, not when he has the chance to have a family again. To his surprise, when he was done, she flung her arms around his neck and hugged him, holding him tight. He hugs her back, swallowing down some tears and melting into her embrace. It’s several long moments before she pulls back, cupping his face with her soft, warm hands.

“It’s not your fault, Clint.”

He looks down, shrugs a little. “But-”

“You can’t control what other’s do. Poppy knew that. Why do you think her last words were of love and not revenge? She doesn’t blame you, Clint. She would want you to be happy. So, be happy. Even if…even if that’s not with us.”

His eyes snap to hers and he’s surprised to find tears there. “Do you want me to leave? I understand if you-”

“No!” She grips his face a little tighter. “No. I want you here, but I need all of you here. We need it. But if you can’t, I understand.”

“You…you want me? Even though I’ve…I’m a violent…”

She cuts him off by pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “Look, I knew you were in some shit when we met. I’m not stupid. You came tumbling out of that bar stabbed and then tussled with another guy. I had to patch you up and you bled all over my floor. I figured you were in some shit. This is Oakland. But..you were also gentle with me and patient, even when I told you about my past and I thought…we had that moment and I know we were both a little in our heads during it, but it was..fuck, it was nice having someone, especially someone who..gets it. I like you, Clint. I don’t expect you to like me in the same way, but however you want to be involved in our lives, that’s fine with me.”

How the fuck did he lead such a violent and fucked up life, all the shit he’s done, and he managed to find not one but two amazing women who just cared for him despite it? Poppy never knew exactly what he did, but Clint always suspected she knew he wasn’t really a delivery driver. She just never pressed. Just carried on loving him. 

Clint reaches forward, cupping her face in his hand this time. “I want to be involved with the baby. And I’d…I’d like to see where this goes,” he gestures between them and she smiles, realizing his intent. 

“Really?”

“Really. But know that no matter what happens, I’ll always be here for both of you.”

Clint and Flo dated for a month or so before they decided it was easier to just move in together. They found a little place for their growing family, a little 2 bedroom place in a better area of town. Clint had had some extra money after taking out The Guy (and raiding his safe) and happily moved them all in. Clint is there for every weird craving, anytime she wanted something at 3am, foot massages, all of it. He loved being there for her, talking to her belly, but also being with her. Flo was the first person to help him realize that he still deserved love. And even if he didn’t believe it, he knew that Flo deserved it and he would spend the rest of his time making sure she had it. 

Their son Christopher came screaming into the world right on time. They got him cleaned up, wrapped in blankets and a little tiny hat and handed him to Clint. He gently takes Christopher in his arms, walking over to Flo who was still laying on the bed. Tears well in his eyes as he stares down at his son, Flo leaning her head on his arm and he sighs, happy that he’s finally getting the life he wanted. 

General Taglist:

@frankie-catfish-morales @chaoticgeminate @janebby @astoryisaloveaffair @balekanemohafe @greeneyedblondie44 @hoeforthefictional @marvelousmermaid @hauntedmama @giuliarogers @icanbeyourjedi @wretchedmo @sunnshineeexoxo @livingmydreams13 @adventures-of-a-noodle @sara-alonso @theewokingdead @punkerthanpascal @giggly-otter @f0rever15elf @phandoz @dirtytissuebox @gallowsjoker @lovesbiggerthanpride @sarahmilesbendrix @booksarekindaneat @mrsudontknowme @swol-bear @charlispersonallyhell @xoxabs88xox @amneris21 @gooddaykate @alindeluce @avengers-fixation @paintballkid711 @harriedandharassed   @ladykatakuri @marrianena  @practicalghost @withakindheartx @batdarkladyvampir @justanotherkpopstanlol   @mermaidxatxheart @alexxavicry @ichigodjarin @justreblogginfics @sullyosully @kmc1989 @veryprairieberry @mysterious-moonstruck-musings   

[velvetvexations]

And I can absolutely guarantee you no one would give a single flying fuck if a trans woman replaced a trans guy in a meme comic with herself. Because it's no big deal, and it's simply about finding something to be mad at the evil "TMEs" about or whatever. Truly, we must fight transphobia at the front lines! (Other trans people parodying meme comics)

Absolutely not lmao. But then it's fine, because, like, trans men are privlaged, so stealing their memes is like pirating a Disney movie, whereas stealing a transfem meme is practically snatching the food right out of a Victorian orphan's hands.

Are you not excited for the future where art styles are trademarked?

I'm still not entirely sure if I identify as a kinna non-binary or if I just feel myself to be a very butch transfem who likes using certain terms for myself to emphasize the unique nature of my femininity.

But I don't know what else to call it except for exorsexism when I get the five millionth side-eye for "AMAB trans woman," especially since I know people would go off the edge accusing me of being a TERF twenty times more if I said "male" like I actually want to.* Like, dadgum, can people not handle a girl choosing to identify in some way with a term traditionally associated with her body-type because she likes it without assuming she's another Blaire White?

Like this is that soul-gender shit I get riled up about, the word "male" isn't real! The ♂ is not a magic rune that wards against femininity! I can choose to identify with that and still be a woman, and when I enter a women's space while identifying openly as a male woman, that's going to piss TERFs off more than any of them ever could.

*I also identify myself as an AMAB trans woman to support AFAB trans women and other transfem folk, but I think using 'male' would do that just as well too

I DIDN'T KNOW IT HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH TRANS PEOPLE EITHER

Eyyup. The safest queers always pretend the world outside the community is completely hypothetical so they can get down to the crucial business of praising them for breathing.

The comparisons to acephobia at least gives me hope things will get better, but I hope it's fucking soon.

It's the closest people who're privileged enough to care about meme theft get to dealing with things like that, of course it's basically the same to them, if they stepped outside their gated community for a second they'd have a religious experience like the Great Renunciation of Siddhartha Gautama.

Some day we'll find out what number comes after one.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Why can't haired people make their own memes? Why must they consistently debald the memes of bald people?

It's different when it's transfems because, uh, well, radfems say so.

They really can't help themselves.

Apparently it's hypocritical of me to call that racist, though, because I once told a tankie to bark like a dog without even looking at their* profile. Like, I'm sorry I very generically insulted someone who turned out to be Black, I guess.

Also, I apparently harass Palestinian blogs, which is truly wild and I can only guess must come from me occasionally bringing up hypocrisy when I yell at tankies for being enthusiastically pro-genocide when they feel like it.

*I do not recall the pronouns this loser used

The issue you're noticing is that transfems don't get socially murdered nearly often enough for transradfems to sustain themselves, and they can't influence any real issues, so they have to make up problems to fuel the martrydom that places them above all other trans people.

Oh, that sounds spectacular! Kinna gross, but like, in a spectacular way!

They don't think it's possible for AFAB trans people to detransition, to them it's all just cis women pretending to be trans to rip them off and hurt them.

It's real fucking bad.

I'm very sorry anon, and I completely agree.

You'd be surprised by me not liking most modern art.

I'm really happy you have that, and that we can relate to each other. <3

Are Black people saying the "why this _ mad" meme is exclusive to Black people? Is that discourse that's happening?

[ghostsandfools]

Pride month is officially over everyone, and I just wanted to say...

YOU'RE STILL AWESOME! And you still deserve to be proud and loved and honored even if it isn't pride month anymore.

There's A LOT under the cut, be warned.

All you gay guys out there are AMAZING! I hope you're doing okay. I hope you're having fun. I hope life is well. Don't ever let anyone make fun of you for being gay, don't be ashamed, OWN IT! You're amazing and you should be proud.

Lesbians, that goes for you too! I how your doing woman loving WODERFULLY! You're so cool. Doesn't matter what kind of lesbian you are, femme, masc, non-binary, you're all valid and awesome!

Bisexuals, you exist and you're cool as hell. I hope you're doing good. Don't ever feel like you have to pick a side or you're just confused, I know there's been a lot of biphobia going around even within the queer community but don't let it get to you! You're valid! And we love you <3

Pansexuals, I hope you're doing PANTASITIC (I hate myself). I hope everything is going good and I hope you all have had a wonderful pride. You're all super cool and I'm so sorry for the amount of frying pan jokes you've probably heard over the past month.

Omnisexual, you too! Just the word omnisexual sounds cool as hell. I hope you've been okay, I know omnisexuals and pansexuals get confused for each other quite a bit, but you're unique and you're valid, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Asexuals, hi! I hope you're doing well. Be proud, don't let the aphobia get to you! Because you are ALL valid. This one is for everyone on the ace spectrum. You're sex-repulsed? VALID! I hope you're doing well. You're sex neutral? Cool! You're awesome. You have sex regularly and enjoy it? Awesome! You can still be a valid asexual, don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. You're demisexual, graysexual, or another sexuality on the ace spectrum? That's wonderful! I love you all.

Aromantic people, no matter what part of the spectrum you're on, you're valid too! Even if you're in a romantic relationship, you're still valid! It's a spectrum for a reason. I hope you're all doing amazing, no matter what.

Non-Binary folks, hello! I hope you're doing well and you've had lots of good luck. I know, at least where i live, it can be difficult to find places that affirm your identity. There are barely any gender neutral bathrooms, most job resumes/surveys only add male and female options, people assume gender ALL THE TIME. It sucks. But I hope you've been staying strong despite all that, and I hope the world can get better. Remember you're all valid! Even if you don't "look non-binary", even if you choose to dress traditionally masculine or feminine, even if you use neopronouns or pronouns other than they/them, even if you don't have an androgynous name, you're all still non-binary, be proud!

Trans boys, we love you. You're awesome, you're strong, you're amazing, and I hope everything's alright! Never let anyone tell you how you have to present. If you don't wanna bind your chest, you don't have to. If you can't afford medicine or surgeries, that's okay. If you still wanna dress femininely, you can! You're a real man and the queer community wouldn't be the same without you.

Trans girls, the same to you! You don't have to present super femininely if you don't wanna, you're a real woman no matter what. I hope you're staying safe. I know trans women are often a scapegoat (aka. "Trans women will assault 'real women' in restrooms!"), but we know the truth. You're awesome, and please stay safe out there <3

Polyamorous people, I see you! I might be one of you but idk yet I'm still figuring stuff out- ANYWAYS! You are real. You don't have to choose one person, I promise. I grew up with parents that were really against polyamory for some reason, and I just don't get it. You can love multiple people, you are valid, and I hope you can find a partner/partners who accept you and love you for who you are.

Unlabeled people, happy pride! Be proud of yourself, you're super cool. You don't have to be anything, you can just be you. You belong here, and the queer community accepts you and loves you for who you are.

OKAY. That was a lot, but we still have more to go! I'm not gonna say as much about the next ones for the sake of my own sanity, I've already been writing this for a while. So, LIGHTNING ROUND!

Genderfluid people, I love you. You're awesome and I see you, don't let anybody tell you you've gotta pick a side.

Demi boys/Demi girls, HI! I remember you, and I love you. I hope you had a good pride month!

Agender people, hell yeah for you!

Intersex people, don't think I'd forget you! You're part of pride too and anyone who says otherwise is dumb. You're awesome.

Abrosexual and abromantic people, you're wonderful <3

Polysexual people, you're cool!

Trixic and toric people y'all are awesome!

Enbian people, you're amazing and also your flag is really goddamn cool, I don't see enough people bringing up the enbian flag istg-

Uranic people, you're marvelous.

Neptunic people I'M ONE OF YOU, I SEE YOU! HI! HELLO! If there are any other neptunic people here hi omg I've never met another one-

ANYWAYs. That was a lot. There were a lot of orientations I didn't mention, but there are so many ways to describe your unique sexual orientation, and you can express gender in so many different ways, and my hands really hurt. So if I didn't mention you, I'm sorry, but it doesn't mean you aren't valid or that i forgot you!

I love all of you. Just because pride month is over doesn't mean you're forgotten or loved any less. I hope you all have a wonderful, WONDERFUL rest of your year, and I wish you all good luck <3

[solei-eclipse]

THOUGHTS ON THE CLASS OF S40: KIOKU & JIU (1/?)

" Oh, sure! I'd love to talk about everyone! I hope I can remember them right... "

" I request that we make this quick. I have work to attend to. "

-> INNAMORATI (@alien-til-i-stage)

KIOKU: Ah, Inna's a blast! I love spending my mandatory playtime with him! We bounce off each other super well, and I always feel better when we hang out together.

He's a real friendly guy, usually around talking to a bunch of people, even the colder ones. I see him messing around with folks like Macbeth and Jiu on the regular. It's kinda funny! I'm always down for whatever shenanigans he's planning 'cause I know they'll be interesting.

It's easy to forget about all my worries when I play with Inna, which is why I love hanging out with him so much. Also, he's got lovely blue eyes...

JIU: Bothers me while I work. He's quite the pest, though I'd be rude to turn him away. How does he know I like rice...?

-> MACBETH (@alien-til-i-stage)

KIOKU: He's uh... eccentric. Kinda pretentious? I think he's maybe-kinda-sorta got some complexes to work out. He's a handful, to say the least. Inna likes messing around with him, though, which can be pretty fun to watch! Sometimes I do feel bad for him...

JIU: Troublesome... but negotiable.

-> TOKI (@zerostyrant)

KIOKU: Toki's an incredible dancer! The way he moves is so cool! Some other stuff about him is... a little less cool!

He's usually a pretty chill guy, more on the mischievous side, but if I hang out with Inna while he's in the vicinity... stuff starts getting real uncomfortable. A chill runs down my spine. I think Toki likes him, you know... like-like, which is cute! The vibe is kinda off, but still! Cute! I guess?

He can get pretty mean at times. I just hope he doesn't come after me, because I'd really like to learn some dancing from him!

JIU: It's unfortunate to be saddled with such an unruly batch, just watching their mind games is enough to exhaust oneself. I truly do pray for Innamorati and Sebastian's poor souls.

-> YUME (@sotogalmo)

KIOKU: Super funky guy. He kinda seems like he stepped straight out of those cartoons on TV! Acts almost unreal at times...

Something about him is... off though. I get a weird feeling about him sometimes. Almost like he's turning into something else. A doll...

JIU: Strange and disturbing under his facade. The one with the tail.

-> YUMI (@rockwgooglyeyes)

KIOKU: Uh... didn't I just finish talking about them? Huh? This is a different person? ... Oh, right! Sorry! Yu-me, Yu-mi...

Yumi is nice! Though I don't talk to her a lot, and she doesn't seem like the outgoing type. She's usually around Asahi, though, and that's where she seems happiest! She's quiet and doll-like... and shes got pretty eyes. Like Inna's!

JIU: I understand her. One of the few students I can truly tolerate.

-> SEBASTIAN (@sotogalmo)

KIOKU: Oh, that's the guy! Jeez, he can't ever seem to catch a break. Always getting picked on... He's got wit and some hidden spunk, but he prefers to play dead rather than to directly fight back.

JIU: Always caught up in a chase... yet another I have to watch out for.

-> ISLA (@nottoonedin)

KIOKU: Isla seems super fancy, and super popular! She's got a bunch of admirers, but she also seems kinda uncomfortable about it? I wonder why she keeps putting up with them... she seems a little exhausted at times. I hope she's okay.

JIU: A very refined lady. Pleasant, quiet company. We're quite similar in certain aspects, so I can't help but pity her a little. I know what it's like.

-> MONICA (@nottoonedin)

KIOKU: She seems really fun! I wonder why she's on her own most of the time? Doesn't she have any other friends? I thought she was friends with Isla, but Isla seems to have a different circle...

That's pretty sad. I imagine it'd hurt a lot if someone you used to be best friends with acted like they didn't know you anymore...

JIU: Pitiful in her own way. They're a pitiful pair. Yet another thing we have in common...

-> YVONNE (@aakaneeee)

KIOKU: Oof, she's kinda... intense. And not even in the normal way, either. She's always hanging around that one guy... What was his name again? The mousy one.... It's like she revolves around him. Kinda weird! Like Toki. But hey, who am I to judge? Humans... we'd hold onto anything that might give us the will to keep moving forward.

JIU: ...I am greatly ashamed to admit that I understand her. I'd rather not elaborate.

-> ELIANA (@aakaneeee)

KIOKU: I don't talk to her a lot, but she's got a really pretty voice! I get a little shy around her because I think she's so cool...

JIU: A reasonable individual. I appreciate that thoroughly in an environment as ridiculous as this one.

-> CINNABAR (@apriciticreveries)

KIOKU: Doesn't really talk to a lot of people except for that one girl with the special eyes... She seems stressed a lot of the time. Something about her resonates with me, though I'm not sure why...

JIU: Fearful. Poor, pitiful thing. Her circumstances are all too familiar.

-> ASAHI (@apriciticreveries)

KIOKU: Lady Cupid! Haha, I wanted to ask her about my romance fortunes just for the funsies, but I haven't built up the courage yet. She seems pretty icy, so going up to her takes a lot of guts on my part.

JIU: Reserved. A quality I can appreciate. Are those matchmaking fortunes true...?

-> ZHULI (@apriciticreveries)

KIOKU: Err... Who's that again? The announcer? Wait, which one? Like, the red one or-- oh, okay! Thanks! And sorry.

I don't see her around often... she's usually in different classes with the other guy. I like her look, though! It's really unique!

JIU: One of the two special students. The more tolerable half, to be frank. She's fine.

-> FAISAL (@rockwgooglyeyes)

KIOKU: Oh, this is the red one.

Faisal is cool to me! He seems like a wild type of person! He acts really friendly most of the time, but sometimes when he's on his own he looks pretty subdued. I wonder why?

He's still a really good announcer! Definitely a standout voice.

JIU: The other one. I understand the importance of keeping up appearances, but I'd find him more tolerable if he dropped the act.

-> JULIET (@cirrusoftheclouds)

KIOKU: She's so beautiful...! How could she be real?! Like a true princess from a storybook, or maybe a noble lady.

When I first saw her, I was so distracted that I fell into the river by accident. It was worth it, though, because she looked at me! What a gaze... she's the type that people would fight battles for (well, I would).

I think I might've hit my head when I fell into the river, because her eyes were the last thing I remembered before waking up on the riverside. Blue eyes... she has such beautiful blue eyes. I always remember blue eyes. I can't remember anything else, though...

They must have been hers, right? She must have saved me from the river! She's always so kind to me, calling me her lady and all... how dreamy! She's a knight and a lady rolled into one... Ah, but I can't leave this debt unpaid! From here on out, I'll have to protect her! I'll be your knight too, my lady...!

JIU: ...

( JIU, upon hearing KIOKU's thoughts on JULIET:

Well, it's not like I didn't bring this upon myself. Still... I think I'm going to be sick. )

-> YAEL (@lookatmysillies)

KIOKU: I like him! I heard about his almost-drowning incident, and it made me wanna approach him. I know what that feels like.

Yael's super nice! I'm not really sure why some kids find him weird. He's always been really kind to me, and I do my best to help him with whatever he needs (especially since his health worries me a lot. I'll try my hardest to look after him and Nene!). He always says stuff like,"you're an angel!" haha, what a sweetheart!

JIU: An incredibly concerning individual. Must be monitored.

-> MENTHA (@rosedeleca)

KIOKU: Super cool! Mentha's got a lot of energy, so playing with him means I get to go all out! We like to race a lot, sometimes I win and sometimes he does! The result isn't always the same, which makes things extra fun! Whenever I run up to him for a race, my first thought is: " I wonder who's gonna win today? "

He's usually around another guy... ah, what's his name again...?

-> AMBROSIA (@rosedeleca)

KIOKU: Amber... Br... Ambrosia? Oh! Thanks for reminding me! Mentha and Ambrosia go everywhere together! It's never one without the other! They're always fighting and stuff, it gets super intense sometimes. In the good way!

I really like his hair! His headscarf is kinda the same color as Mentha's hair, which I find really cute! I wonder if that was on purpose? reminds me a little of my hairtie, though I'm not sure why.

JIU: Rowdy, almost always sparring... these two will be difficult to manage.

-> ASUKA (@rockwgooglyeyes)

KIOKU: I love hanging out with Asuka! He's got a knack for finding shiny little trinkets, and he gives me a bunch! I'll cherish anything that's been given to me, and it makes me really happy that Asuka thinks I'm worthy of all these little gifts.

He told me that he kinda sucked at dancing, so whenever we have the time I try and run him through some stretches and exercises to loosen up. Helps a little more with coordination, too! His sister Isla is already a great dancer, but I think Asuka can be an awesome dancer in his own way. He's just gotta find his own style!

JIU: Quite different from his sister. Lacks refinement and class. And good lord, those rips on his uniform are an utter travesty. He must be issued a new pair.

-> WREN (@ivanttakethis)

KIOKU: I like Wren! We haven't interacted a lot, but she's pretty outgoing and friendly. I love her hair, it's like the color of a star burning at its brightest.

There's an older girl from 39 that she seems to talk to (and about) quite a bit. They look really similar!

JIU: She's fine. Capable of handling herself.

-> NENE (@shenenenigans)

KIOKU: My dear friend Nene! She's really sick, so she's in the infirmary a lot. I like to deliver her worksheets and other stuff over there sometimes. Anything to be of help to her, really. I also just love visiting Nene because she always greets me with a big hug!

When she's out of there, though, we get to have some real fun! I carry her around on my back so she can get some fresh air without tiring herself. I think seeing more of the outside world is really important for the heart, so I wanna show her as often as possible.

Nene is a fantastic storyteller, too! I love listening to the worlds she conjures up, especially the one with the girl who was saved by a dragon... agh, why couldn't they stay together in the end?! Nene!

JIU: A sickly girl, she must be monitored. I have to make sure she's alright.

-> ZOUHA (@minori-dash)

KIOKU: One of the coolest people I've ever met! They can swordfight! Isn't that awesome?! How does someone even start doing that?

JIU: A highly respectable individual. I admire their resolve and fortitude.

KIOKU <--> JIU

KIOKU: Oh. Right, of course he'd come up eventually, haha...

JIU: ...

....I really must get back to work. Please excuse me.

KIOKU: Err... could I maybe answer another time?

[teagballs]

could you write something for Dee Reynolds x female reader where she basically has been telling the gang for a really long time that she has a partner but none of them believe her but when she refuses to flirt with someone for one of their schemes, the gang decides to follow her and find out she really does have a partner and it’s a girl

love your writing 💕

the gang finds out dee likes girls | dee reynolds x reader

authors note: oh boy this has been sitting in my drafts for SOOOO LONG. finished it tonight. i love dee sm she's so pretty. i hope this lives up to ur request anon!! as always requests are open, trying to make my way thru them rn sorry sorry things have been hectic as always. love u folks

cw: slight objectification of women if u squint, fem reader.

╭──╯ . . . . .

"No, it's true, I'm dating someone!" Dee protested. But as usual, her rebuttals fell on deaf ears.

Currently, the gang was arguing with Dee on whether or not she had a partner.

"No way, Dee. There's no way you have a boyfriend. Hell, we've never even seen him! Honestly, lying about this for so long? It's really pathetic." Her brother chewed.

"Whatever. Screw you guys, at least I'm happy." Dee said before taking another sip of the beer she was nursing.

She'd been dating her girlfriend for nearly a year, but Dee should've known the gang wouldn't believe her. Every time Dee brought up this lover, she'd been shut down. Although she'd grown accustomed to the usual berating she'd receive on the daily, but this was just plain annoying. In the gang's defence, they hadn't actually seen this infamous partner. That was because Dee was dating a woman, and she had yet to reveal her sexuality. Even though the gang was pretty lax with Mac being gay, it would still be a big thing to reveal to them. Dee wasn't exactly prepared for that. She hoped it would just happen naturally.

When Dee entered the bar the following day, though, the gang had a demand of her. They were all crowded around the island, perched on stools.

"Dee! There you are. Where the hell have you been? We need you for this." Dennis groaned.

"Busy. I have a life outside of this bar y"know?" Dee exclaimed.

"Yeah, yeah, sure you do, Dee," Charlie dismissed.

"Whatever. We need you for this. You need to distract the security guard. Use your womanly woes, get your tits out." Dennis explained.

"What? I'm not doing that."

"Why not? You love the attention Dee don't lie to yourself," Mac chimed in.

"I do not! Guys, you know I have a... partner now, I'm not gonna flirt with some random guy." Dee danced around using the word partner. Obviously, she couldn't say 'girlfriend', but 'partner' sounded wrong. Sounded old.

"Dee, you really have to give this whole 'I'm in a healthy relationship' shtick up. It's a bad look. Really, it's pitiable and just sad!" Dennis insisted.

"Oh, shut up. I'm not doing that, Dennis." Dee huffed and hopped off her stool, storming out of the bar.

She dialled her girlfriend's number as she walked to her car, "Hey babe, can I come over? The gang are being shitheads, as usual. I miss you."

"Of course you can, Dee!" You mused in response. And with that, Dee made her way to your apartment.

"Well, that's just great. Without her, the plan really falls apart." Dennis grumbled.

After a brief silence, Charlie wondered, "It's weird, isn't it? That Dee always says "partner" instead of boyfriend? Like, I don't know what if it's not a boyfriend." Silence again as the gang contemplated. Then, scrambling as the gang came to the collective realisation that they needed to find out just who this "partner" was.

Your door swung open, and you were greeted by your favourite blonde in the entire world.

"Hey gorgeous," Dee bleated in a deary tone.

"Hi Dee," you smiled sweetly at her, a smile that seemed to make her worries and grievances melt away. She flumped down on the couch. You pulled a comforting arm around her shoulder.

"Rough day?" You ask softly.

"The worst," Dee replied before nestling her head on your shoulder. You bring your hand up to stroke her locks sympathetically as you wait for her to explain.

"It's just the gang." Dee began, "I've been telling them I'm dating someone, they don't believe me because, y'know, they haven't seen you. But it's hard cause I haven't revealed that part of myself to them yet. And I want to! But I just don't know how." Dee sighed.

Second after she spoke, almost as if it was fate, there was a loud patter of feet running up your apartment hall, then;

"GOT YOU!" annouced by an enthusiastic Charlie. In front of the pair of you stood Charlie, Dennis, Mac, and Frank, all bundled together in your small space.

"What the hell are you guys doing!" Dee stammered, bewildered. She stood up now, hands on her hips. You sat awkwardly behind them, twiddling your thumbs as you waited for some sort of explanation.

"We got you, Dee! We followed you with the tracking app I have for you, found you at this apartment building, went through like 3 apartments before we got to the right one and found you! With a girlfriend!" Dennis explained.

Dee pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled, trying to process the information,

"So- what- why does- wait, tracking app?" She scrambled.

"Doesn't matter! Cause we found out the truth, you like girls!" Mac said in an accusatory tone, which was somewhat ironic.

"So what?" Dee stated blankly.

"Well, ah, nothing really, I suppose..." Charlie trailed.

"Yeah, this doesn't really change anything," Frank agreed, mostly uninterested.

"So, you guys don't care?" Dee questioned.

"No. Not at all, actually. This is way less interesting than we thought. Alright, let's get out of here, guys. We can still get that plan to work without the bird." Dennis directed. The gang chambered out of the apartment once more.

Dee stumbled back onto the sofa.

"What the fuck just happened?" She mumbled.

"I think you just came out to the gang." You replied.

. . . . . ╰──╮

[fastcastweatherreport]

Good Morning!!! People, Pokemon, beings from otherworldly galaxies, everyone is welcome to look at the news forecast!!

Here today we have your favorite Weather Anchorrrrrs, Mulberry and Beany! Take it away you two!!

🌥️........🌤️.........☀️

"Casto!! Casto form!! Form form!! " -->

[ "YIPPEE!! here we are again everyone! Reporting to you live from within the Fast Cast Studio, it's me and Mulberry today if you couldn't understand our introduction man Gregory. We love you Greg!" ]

" Haha~ awww Beany, all hyped up and raring to give us that forecast ay buddy?? Well... First we have to go over our latest events! Be sure to translate for me to all our pokèfriends at home please "

" ahem... Route 4 in Unova is still undergoing a massive Sandstorm and hasn't made progress on that new road yet, can't blame the poor guys and gals. I hope you can get those poor pokèmon to settle down now that the whole Team Plasma shindig is dealt with, best of luck to you! "

" Lacunosa Town in Unova is still recovering from the recent discoveries of the legendary pokèmon Kyurem being the cause of all their nightly terrors! Hopefully now that once again; the Team Plasma ordeal is over with the dragon will go back into hibernation and leave your Town alone, until now these news anchors advise you stay inside at night still! "

" The Jagged Pass in Hoenn is undergoing some renovations in order to attempt making the slope easier and safer for trainers to climb! However we don't expect that task to be easy! Make sure you guys and gals take plenty of Water Type pokemon with you, even with the volcano being inactive you can expect 90° to 105° bright sun temperatures around that area! "

" And with that out of the way we can go straight into our news forecast! Like always, here at Fast Cast Studios care about your safety and recommend taking the necessary precautions to ALL outdoor activities! From all over the world! Here is your Weather Forecast!! "

" Unova, Partially Cloudy with a chance of rain. 60° - 65° heat "

" Sinnoh, Cloudy with a 46% chance of rain Tuesday through Saturday this week. Sorry guys! The general temperature in Sinnoh will be 40° - 55° except at the North Peak of your beautiful region where it'll be a chilly 20° - 10° "

" Kanto, Full sun all week! Though it seems Beany senses a 20% chance for rain so keep your umbrellas ready! We can't tell exactly which day, so we're predicting a pokèmon will be using Rain Dance on an unexpected interval during the week.

Your temperatures are steaming hot this summer, so stay hydrated in your 80° - 90° weather! "

" Johto, your temperatures are practically the same as Kantos being fairly close by and all! So be sure to keep hydrating as well in your 70° - 90° weather! You're also partially cloudy with a 60% chance of rain Monday through Wednesday "

" Kalos, put on your sunscreen Sunday through Wednesday because those are YOURRRRRRR sunny days! The rest for this week will be cloudy with a 55% chance of rain so prepare those electrical wires for the possible storms Lumiose City!

The weekly temperature is 58° - 69° "

" Alol- oh holy Arceus... Guys are you sure abo-" [Commercial Break!!! 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡]

" We're back! Sorry about that folks, Alola always catches me off guard. It's like y'all are roasting marshmallows on Slugma down there or something- anyways... Be sure to stay cool with some Mantine Surfing cus y'all got 96° - 99° weather 'whispers: sweet Arceus how do y'all live-'

Ahem! Sunny all across Alola except in Po Town as usual "

" Galar! Cloudy with a chance of Sleet and Rain, we're unsure of the percentage or when it will happen so we predict that some Pokèmon are going through turf wars right now and it'd likely be best advised to stay out of the Wild Area and travel by train!

40° - 60° temperatures when you put the Turf War weather aside! "

" Last but not least we have Paldea, 60° - 69° partially cloudy with a strong wind predicted to happen Tuesday from the South East "

🎶 News Cast Music 🎶

" Casto!! Casto Castform!!! Form form! Castform! " -->

[ " What a wonderful day of Weather Forecasting!! But phew... I sure am tired from all the reports, what say we go and get some tacos today partner? "]

" You said it Beany! It's bean- a pleasure to talk with you all as usual guys and gals, until next week or the next immediate news forecast. This is Mulberry and Beany signing off! Bye bye! "

[creppersfunpalooza]

( @allergic-to-four-leaf-clovers )

HELLOOO AND WELCOME BACK FOLKS!!! DUE TO A LACK OF SPONSORSHIP AS OF LATE, WE’VE STRUGGLED TO KEEP THIS LITTLE GAME AFLOAT, BUT FORTUNATELY, WE’VE GOT ONE!!! WOOHOOO!!!

FOR THIS ROUND, WE’VE GOT A COLLECTION OF FUN GUYS! ANGELIC BEINGS, LESS ANGELIC BEINGS, AND VARIOUS OTHERS (don’t you see i have a bias)!!!! NO USE STALLING, LET’S GET RIGHT TO IT!!!

*important disclaimer* i actually know very little about the following characters other than what the creator has directly told me. i’m going purely based on vibes.

COMING IN AT 5TH PLACE, WE HAVE RAYAN!! i love scars, man, i really do, and i also love soppy cats. so why is he so low, you may ask? because i do NOT 💥 think he should be mean to his fiance. come on my guy… be nice… spread peace and love!!!! peace and love!!!!!!!! put in some effort come on!!! put in the work!!!!! i know you can do it buddy you just gotta try!!!!!! pretty pretty please… anyways i do really like his design, its very simple while still conveying stuff about his character. like i dont know what he’s been through but clearly he’s been through a lot. but STILL 💥 BE NICE. 💥 TO YOUR. 💥 FIANCE 💥💥💥💥💥💥.

NEXT UP IN 4TH PLACE IS MADIR!!! i really do like madir!!! i know barely anything about him but once more i rlly like the details you mentioned about him. like he seems mildly unsettling and i love that for him. like you could probably find him in the woods just sort of hanging out. he’s a source of trauma but i honestly do not mind because at least HE 💥 would probably be nice to his fiancé. if he had one. i actually can’t speak on his behalf thats purely speculation.

IN 3RD, FOSTER!!!!! i don’t exactly know why i just think they’re neat. also hi in case you couldn’t tell i really like scars on characters 💖💖💖 love them they do something to my brain. and foster’s got a ton. i loove what you’ve told me about their backstory and they just seem so neat!!! i hope they’re healing now. even though. they’re probably not. because nobody is Allowed To Be Happy Ever. as a general rule for character making. anyways chewing on them and moving on.

BUT WAIT!! WE’VE ONLY GOT TWO LEFT!!! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS??????

it needs i need to put an ad here or else i’m getting fired. that’s what it means. SO HELLO!! DO YOU HAVE A WISH? DO YOU WANT A GOD THAT ACTUALLY LISTENS? THEN CONSIDER JOINING THE CHURCH OF OCELLUS!!!

for the small, small initiation fee of a limb or organ, you too can have your wishes granted! help our god gain more power by having him help you! all you’ve gotta do is give us a little bit of yourself for each wish! and you know what? it doesn’t even have to be you! have a beloved family member, partner, or friend? they work too! just nick off an arm while they’re sleeping! they won’t miss it!!!! join today to get an additional wish!!!!!! and remember, Bless Ocellus’s Good and Generous Name!

(sponsored by the Church of Ocellus. The Church of Ocellus does not claim responsibility for any bodily injury or harm to come from this ad. Sacrificial ritual tutorials not included. Please check out your local place of worship for more details before committing any acts of mutilation.)

AND WE’RE BACK FOLKS! SORRY ABOUT THE AD. LITERALLY NOBODY ELSE WILL SPONSOR US SO YEAH WE’RE HAVING TO RESORT TO UH… YEAH. ANYWAYS, LET’S GET BACK TO THE RATINGS!

COMING IN 2ND… AARIN!!! boy oh boy my love of supernatural entities is surely not warping my bias here!!! they seem really cool honestly, even besides the whole angel thing. like woah…. you don’t wanna be a tool used for destruction? too bad! you’re gonna be used to burn down a house! lmao!!!! also i absolutely love aarin’s design. their scars(?) are so fucking cool i love the swirlies. auuygghh so normal about angel guys….. so so normal……….

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, IN 1ST PLACE…. ZURIEL!!! LET ME JUST SAY ITS DESIGN IS SO SO SO SO COOL I CANT GET OVER IT IT JUST LOOKS SO AWESOME. I love the gradients on the claws and the shape of the halo. once again, surely my bias and love for supernatural creatures is in no way warping my opinion!! it’s my favorite. also rare but appreciated and loved it/it’s pronouns representation.

[whimsical-westbrook]

hi!!

so something very peculiar happened to me and my daughter… she had a nightmare and we slept together, and then we woke up pokemon??? i’m a gardevoir and she’s a ralts.

i’m guessing from your blog this isn’t very uncommon, seeing you guys already have a nickname for it. but “eeby deeby”? really??? you couldn’t think of a better- im getting off track nevermind

what do we do??? im freaking out over here!!! im already a single mom I can’t handle this!!! what do i do when I need to get my drivers license renewed??? can pokémon even get drivers licenses??? what will i tell my family???? what will i tell my friends???? what will my poor baby tell her friends???? WHAT WILL MY LANDLORD THINK????? I HAVENT EVEN SCRATCHED THE SURFACE OF NEW PROBLEMS!!!!

………..

im sorry if this is too much for you.

at least she’s still the cutest little girl ever…~

Hey, I'm SO sorry I wasn't able to get to this when you first sent it in; I'd make excuses but what matters is that it sounds like you're getting help now! At least, I believe this is @pragmaticinstant?

I'm gonna start by covering the catch-options my friend @fated-furret was confused about:

the Johto National Park has designed pokeball charms that effectively work like just having a pokeball, but the ball is attached to a charm you can wear, which is both cute and works as a fun indicator. You might be able to see if someone can convert whatever pokeballs you can find into cute charms, I just know the national park already has some set up,

The anti-catch patches only seem to exist in certain regions, but the idea is that there's an invisible patch you can put on a pokemon that may be too anxious about a pokeball or have special needs, but still registers them as already caught for the pokeball system, causing catch attempts to fail? I don't quite understand the specifics of that one either.

Again, just regular pokeballs also work, and it sounds like you have plans there.

We have a support group for this exact thing, both between all the "eebydeebies" as well as some greater reach into the Tacklr community. I think there's an invite thing you can set so the Pelipper Mail delivery system can reach you; people can send you things that way pretty easily! A few good sites for determining what food is and isn't safe, some actual food; @goldenrodchef is SUCH a good cook and I bet he'd be delighted to make at least a few meals for you when he can.

You'll have to test and find out if you can speak human; some of us can innately, I was able to get a friend to make an everstone with a translator built in, and some folks just forgo talking to humans.

Uh, we can try and get you the group-chat invite, though I can't promise it won't be chaotic and confusing,

And enough of us have had this happen that you have a precedent to work with when trying to tell people, but unfortunately I can't promise how they'll react.

I really hope that helps, and again, sorry for the delay on my response!

[throwaway-yandere]

Otome anon again ❤️ thanks for the reply! I'm quite happy about it. And yeah I'm a little late to your works bc of school so there's a bunch of works that I need to catch up on 😭 Really hoping we get a small break soon. From the looks of it, your newer works are gonna be WILD 😳 I mostly got introduced to your blog bc of your Alhaitham and Tighnari fics: Vision Qualifications and Creative Differences. I was particularly very interested in how you portrayed Tighnari in CD and adored the way reader being a writer was portrayed.

And yes! It's a game that will be downloadable and I've been learning a bit of renpy to achieve this. It's surprisingly simpler than I imagined. All the tutorials are helpful and the folks in the renpy server are very nice 👌 So far routes aren't 100% finalised but I will say that there ARE secret routes that you can unlock if you choose the right options 🤭

I'm thinking of trying to make a survey to decide some routes but I'm not overly sure what to put on it.

Thanks for all the support!!

"your newer works are gonna be WILD 😳"

??? wdym, after the last 4 fics ive written im being incredibly merciful rn in the secret pen pal event lol.

I mostly got introduced to your blog bc of your Alhaitham and Tighnari fics: Vision Qualifications and Creative Differences. I was particularly very interested in how you portrayed Tighnari in CD and adored the way reader being a writer was portrayed.

you guys are free to hate me for this: but those two fics are my least liked fics i've written hAHAHAHAH. not enough spice for me. not enough violence or dubious "food". i still question why people wanted part 2 on that tighnari fic when for me it was the blandest story i've written i am SORRY it just IS for me ya know what I mean it's just BLAND NO SPICES NO FLAVOR- i wrote about cannibalism, a dragon diety!reader, and a bunch of weird things, my small brain does not calculate why these two has more attention than the ones I actually use my brain for hAHHAHAHAHA- (like seriously, both those fics had little research whatsoever while I'm pulling out sht like Japanese & Filipino mythology, KPop culture, and fricking Abraham Lincoln's biography (no joke.) on other fics hjdasjas)

All the tutorials are helpful

my dumbass who spent hours tryna figure out how to remove the dialogue box for a CG scene: haha yeah g-good for you...

I'm thinking of trying to make a survey to decide some routes but I'm not overly sure what to put on it.

as a dain simp you know who i'd vote for so if you don't want a biased poll don't let me find that survey hAHAHAHAH

considering that you like otome games, I'm recommending this one: "I Got Reincarnated As A Server NPC In An Otome Game But A Capture Target Won’t Leave Me Alone". Don't be discouraged by that title, it's not a comedy LN at all. It contains violence and a mentally deranged cold duke of the south diluc lol. my fave blorbo.

O Capo! My Capo! can be a pretty grim series considering how I was inspired to write it because of a bad ending in an otome game fandisc. There are major character deaths (and it's 100% the readers' fault when an LI dies because of votes), mentions of drug abuse, etc. But if you like Piofiore perhaps you'd appreciate it too. Capo!reader is basically "what if Lilia had Dante's occupation and Gilbert's charisma-- oh and I guess your Nicola is Alhaitham for some reason" lmao.

ps: i think i saw you posting a question on r/otome_games about how to make the MC's personality. i agree with the majority that, honestly, you should just go wild lmao. make MC have some fighting spirit. the bar is low--

in any case, I wish you luck!!! have fun coding the game <3

[bow-of-aros]

Here's the Plan

Summary:

Scrags really needs to stop trying to make the plans. Nobody likes listening to reason nowadays.

Hey folks!!!! Enjoy another Solve It Squad fic because I'm mentally ill about Scrags and he's perfect to me. Sorry about the minimal Gwen dialogue I'm still figuring out her voice but I had a lot of fun with this one so I hope that y'all like it!!

“Alright guys, here’s the plan.” Scrags sat in the passenger seat of their van, folders spread out across his lap as he pored over documents. “I’m going to knock on the front door and politely ask—”

“Ugh. Boring!” He probably should’ve seen this coming. Keith was never one for reasonable plans.

Or plans that weren’t his own.

Or, you know, plans.

Nevertheless, he barrelled on over Scrags’ defeated sigh, “Alright gang, here’s what we’re actually going to do!”

Scrags glanced in the mirror to see Gwen in the seat behind Keith, scrolling through her phone and not paying the least bit of attention. Behind Scrags was Esther, half-asleep and drooling into the fist that was keeping their head propped up and somehow paying even less attention.

“Gwen! You’re going to distract Mr. Campbell by telling him that your car broke down and you need help. Do whatever you need to to keep him off our scent.” Gwen gave a vague nod and Keith’s gaze shifted to Esther, “Esther! You’re going to break into the shed where we’re pretty sure he’s keeping his hacker lair and download whatever looks important onto the USB thingy that Scrags made us get. Also, you should totally change his username to something stupid like ButtMonkey69! That’ll show him.”

Esther let out a soft snore before slipping off of their fist and jolting awake, “Fuck off you fucking pigs!” Then they blinked a few times and said, “Oh, what? Yeah whatever. Shed, tech, yadda yadda.”

Keith beamed at them through the mirror, “Bingo! While you’re doing that, Scrags and I will sneak into his office using Scrags’ badass spy skills and find the papers that he stole from that one lady with all those codes on them!”

“Woah! Slow your roll there, Keith! We are not doing any breaking and entering of any kind!” Scrags’ protest was immediately met with groans from the rest of the group. “No! No complaining! That is illegal and I am an officer of the law! I’m just going to show him my badge and he’ll let us in.”

A snort sounded from behind him, “No he won’t,” Esther drawled, “It’s his right to not let you in without a warrant. Which you don’t have. Also if he knows that the feds are onto him he’ll wipe everything from his system and then we’ll really never get him.”

“Also, no offense Scrags, but you’re not exactly the most persuasive person. This guy hasn’t left even a speck of actual tangible evidence, he’s not gonna let something slip after you ask him nicely,” Gwen adds. She doesn’t even afford him the decency of looking up from whatever Instagram reel she’s watching.

Scrags had no such qualms as he twisted around in his seat to look at them both incredulously. “We are not breaking in anywhere! I’m literally a cop, I won’t be picking any locks or cracking any safes without clearance!”

Silence echoed through the cramped space and Scrags thought he’d finally made his point before Keith exclaimed up beside him, “YOU CAN CRACK SAFES?!”

He brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, taking a moment to readjust his grip on his patience. Scrags has dealt with some truly horrendous criminals, and being the best agent in his division comes with the wonderful side effect of making enemies of some very dangerous people. He’s literally been captured, tortured, and held hostage more than once in his career.

Surely he could handle his three friends in a cramped space.

“Yes Keith, I can crack safes. It was part of my training in my division and I currently hold the record for the fastest time.” What? Scrags is allowed to brag a little. “And no, I will not show you because that would require breaking the law. Lockpicking Scrags is a thing of the past, sorry to disappoint.”

Keith’s too busy gaping, caught up in what is most likely a grossly exaggerated sequence of Scrags’ adventures in safecracking, so Gwen finally reaches forward to grab onto his shoulder, shaking him. “Come on, Scrags! You were always better than us with those magic fingers of yours!”

To emphasize her point, she reaches a little further and crawls her fingers up the side of his neck, laughing when Scrags jerks away with a choked-off snort. He brings a hand up to rub away the lingering sensation as he says “Okay, first of all, that’s disgusting. Never say that I have ‘magic fingers’ again. Second of all,” He raises his voice to be heard over the resulting jeers, “if you guys are doing this, I want no part in it! Keith can figure it out on his own!”

He raised his hands in defense of the volley of protests and complaints launched his way. Keith going as far as taking a hand off of the steering wheel to smack him much to Scrags’ immediate panic.

“You can’t make me do it, dude! I’ve never been able to figure out all that shit. It’s too much paying close attention for me and I never had to do it with you around!” Keith complained.

Esther, having been quiet for the last little bit, finally offered, “What? Do you not remember how to?”

Scrags could feel their smirk directed at him as he sputtered, “Hey— What?! Of course I still know how to! What kind of—I mean—I’m a field agent!”

“Yeah? Prove it then. Pick the lock on Mr. Campbell's back door.” They were goading him. Scrags knew that they were goading him.

“No!” He was putting his foot down, “I’m not doing it and you can’t make me!”

Something shifted at that. The atmosphere in the van became supercharged and Scrags could feel the hairs on his arms rising. Gwen and Keith were holding their breath while the weight of Esther’s stare bore down on him.

Scrags refused to falter. Give Esther an inch and you were wrapped up in a bow before you knew it. So he faced forward and he didn’t say anything, not when he heard the concerning click of a seatbelt becoming undone, not when the sound of them shifting closer to him reached his ears, and not even when they said “Are you sure about that? Last chance to change your mind.”

Maybe he should’ve said something. Maybe that would’ve saved him from his fate. But he didn’t and Esther shrugged, “Suit yourself.”

Suddenly, two hands clawed into his ribs from behind, and his resulting shriek shocked Keith into swerving just slightly before righting them.

“Esther no!” Scrags’ attempt to jolt out of reach was thwarted by the seatbelt locking him in place, trapping him woefully in reach of Esther’s evil grasp. “Plehehehease!”

Of course, his pleading went unheard. “Alright shitheads, here’s the new plan!” They shouted over Scrags’ laughter, “It’s the exact same as the old plan, but I tickle Scrags until he agrees to pull his goddamn weight. Who’s with me?”

His frantic “Nohohoho!” was enthusiastically drowned out by a resounding “Hell yeah!” from Gwen and Keith.

“Sounds good. We’re ready whenever you are, Scrags!” They didn’t bother letting up, kneading at his sides in a way that had him wheezing as he tried to slap their hands away. His attempts to at least double over continued to be thoroughly unsuccessful, much to everyone’s delight.

“Oh this is just perfect!” Gwen said, “Keith, get his knees for us, the fans are definitely gonna want to see that. And do you mind angling your face a little more towards me, Scrags? I want to capture that adorable smile in all its glory!”

Scrags did her one better and whipped around in shock to see a camera pointed at him, the face behind it beaming at him.

He didn’t get a chance to say anything before he heard Keith’s “Yeah okay!” and saw him reaching a hand over out of the corner of his eye.

A bolt of panic struck him moments before the sensation did, shooting up his leg like electricity. “NO! Keheheheheith plehehehease! Shitshitshihihihihit!” Scrags reached out for Keith’s hand, intent on prying it off, but was swiftly thwarted by Esther taking the opportunity to dig into the topmost of his ribs and his arms slammed back down with a screech.

“ESTHER WHY?!” Was all he managed to get out before succumbing to helpless laughter, head thrown back and hair spilling over the seat.

“I had to make sure that you didn’t accidentally fuck with the wheel,” They explained as though they weren’t currently reducing him to near tears, “Keith is still driving, you know.”

Nothing other than half-babbled pleas escape him for a moment because Esther may be right, but that doesn’t mean that Scrags has to be happy about it.

Then, Keith decides to try one of his old “magic tricks” as he used to call them and crack an egg on Scrags’ knee. He used to do it all the time when they were kids because every time without fail, Scrags would lose his shit.

It seems as though nothing’s changed except for the fact that, now, Scrags can’t get away and Keith just keeps fucking going.

Suddenly, he remembers what got him into this situation in the first place and folds like wet paper. “OKAY! OKAHAHAHAY I gihihihihihive! I’ll pick your stuhuhuhupid lock just lemme gohohohoho!”

The hands attacking him vanish in an instant and Scrags is left to catch his breath amidst the cheers, leaning against the door for support despite having been sitting the whole time. Keith pats his leg at the same time Esther ruffles his hair and Scrags jumps before melting into the affection to a few lighthearted coos.

“See? That wasn’t so hard!” Esther quips, then “Hey Gwen, send me that video when you get a chance, okay? I’ll need it for the next time Scrags tries to back out of a patented Solve It Squad plan.”

Scrags��� groan was mostly for show, and wasn’t very convincing either way because of the smile still plastered across his face.

He settled back in his seat, a bit more relaxed than before as he surveyed his team. Keith was humming along to the song playing on the radio, his fingers drumming contentedly as he watched the road. Esther and Gwen were watching what Scrags could only assume was the video Gwen had just taken, laughing and pushing each other playfully.

A long sigh escaped him as he gazed out the window, letting the sun’s warmth wash over him and basking in the comfort that being with his family brought him.

Wow. There really are no other idiots I would rather break the law for.

[normalsdotheolympics]

Flight of the Shuttlecock

It's been a couple of weeks since my last post (sorry). In that time, Katy and I have been working diligently on our triathlon training. I've still been rehabbing my knee, walking on the treadmill four days a week, trying to steadily increase my time by 5-10% each week. Katy has been making great strides though in that regard. A couple of months ago, she wasn't able to really jog at all, but as of this week, she was able to jog for 2 miles! Such a huge improvement over the last month or so. For the triathlon, we'll need to get up to 6.2 miles or 10km. I'm hoping that by my next PT session in a few weeks, I can start some light jogging again. I've been doing a lot of strength training for my quads and hamstrings to try and strengthen the knee enough to be able to handle the running load.

In the meantime, we've been continuing with our cycling and swimming goals. I'm up to 35km on the bike and trying to get Katy back on the bike more. We took another swim lesson this weekend, working on some new drills. The past few weeks, I'd been working on some side swimming with the flippers, so I was pleased to hear that the instructor thought I was doing much better with my rotation and balance in the water. For some reason, I've been having more trouble with my flip turns the last couple of weeks. I think there are just too many things on my mind in the water, and the additional rotation on my strokes is leading to some rotational issues on my turns. Something to work on over the coming weeks. I've also been experimenting with some new goggles, since I've been having issues with eczema around my eyes, which I thought might be related to the latex in the goggles. I've been testing out what are called "Swedish" goggles, which are entirely plastic and without latex. They seemed like they'd be super uncomfortable, but actually they've been pretty nice. I kept expecting them to dig into my eyes since they're just plastic. The nice thing about them is that they have much more range of vision, which is why they're recommended for open water swimming such as a triathlon. However, I'm having a little trouble with keeping them on properly when doing my flip turns - they seem to get dislodged a little. During this week's swim lesson, we got some new drills. The most torturous one is called sculling, in which you somehow attempt to propel yourself through the water by essentially flapping your hands about in a back and forth sideways motion. It is brutal on the arms and lats, and it is SLOOOOOW. It's like I'm barely moving. But Katy told me she had the same experience last month, and now she's moving much more efficiently with it. So I'll push on.

And now to the biggest news of the day! Today, Katy and I ventured to the gym to try our hands at badminton. Our local rec center has one of the biggest and most organized badminton clubs in the state coincidentally. They meet twice a week and while most of the folks are paying members of the club, they do allow for drop-ins and newcomers. They have some sort of peg system in which you get a clothespin with your name (or a number if you're not a club member), and you put the pin on the board in a queue. As games finish on the six courts in the gym, you move along the queue. If you're next up, you become the "picker", and you can pick which other people in the queue you want to play with. It moves fairly efficiently really, but was a little hard to understand for newbies like us. We paid a $5 fee, which apparently goes to replacing the shuttlecocks, as they go through A TON of them every day. I couldn't believe how beat up they get just from one game. They also have to buy some sort of premium shuttlecocks to account for altitude. We borrowed racquets from the club and put our names in the queue. As we moved along, we were paired up with two very friendly young guys, who graciously showed the both of us how to play. We were inept to say the least. I figured out the service motion pretty well, but beyond that, it was ROUGH. I don't think I had properly appreciated how hard badminton is. I mean, forget playing at the high level that some of the folks were in the courts around us, but just making contact with the damned birdie was such a chore. It's like I couldn't quite figure out the length and size of the racquet. So many swings and misses at shots right there on the forehand. It was painful. After one game, we thanked the poor souls paired up with us for their tutelage, and we went into one of the nearby racquetball courts to practice a bit and get more comfortable with the game. It was fun though. We will definitely be back at it in the next week or two to practice more! It's a fun, fast paced game, and hopefully something that we can get better at over the next few months. The goal is to be able to play a proper game by the end of the year, or maybe in January depending on how often we can get out to play.

Otherwise, over the next few weeks, we'll just keep working on our triathlon training and strength training. We'll probably book another swim lesson in 2 weeks. Once we've gotten to a good place with our swimming, we need to start on the other strokes. We were supposed to have done so already really, but I think we sort of decided to postpone that a bit to make further progress on our freestyle. We'll also have a month break from curling for the holidays which will free up time for some of our other activities. I'll update again soon!

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Exploring the factory

*As the group wander inside, Komaru kept shooting at Monokumas which Gundham shut down conveyer belts*

I'm rather surprise how easy this, is - I thought things would be harder here...

No kidding, I mean shooting at the Monokumas almost seems cake walk but never be too careful.

And why would you want it harder? As say, all I did as an Ultimate Despair was simply make produce, drug the food, give it to drivers to ship them out and that was it.

I see, so pretty much you just gave up being this dark lord and all that?

I suppose that does make sense, it's still weird but at least all we gotta do is shut it down.

Well yes we still have to go to Gundham's office.

Of course but I want to ask, the guy holding the camera - are you going to record everything?

CAMERA MAN: Oh, are you... talking about me? Yeah I am, I'm mostly just filming all of this and make sure I get everything unless miss. Esumi ask me to stop then I will.

I see... then may I question that you all don't film my office, sorry there are things in there I don't want anyone to see.

CAMERA MAN: Yeah, got it - I'll leave it be...

Alright but can I ask a question, are you all aware of who we are?

CAMERA MAN: Oh, about you guys being Ultimate Despairs? Yeah we know, our news studio is connected to Future Foundation so we know as well but don't worry, will be sure to edit you guys out.

I see, so Masa's whole studio knows as well?

Well yeah, you have to remember my studio is connected to Future Foundation meaning they saw the killing game as well and are in the know and if we catch anything that shows you all; will be sure to edit it out.

I see, well thank you for explaining...

I believe that should be the last of them, we should head over to my office now...

Right, we better make sure to grab any files that we can, I believe the other 2 foundations should be done by now.

Now that it seems we shut everything here, let's head to your office; if you don't mind...

Very well, but be warn... there are things in there that I have some value so I recommend you all to not come in until I take care of it.

Gundham, I know you wanted to take care of this but I feel we should still get the key card and get the documents.

I know but I do need to make sure that thing is remove before we destroy it, it's...honestly the only thing that I want to bring back to Jabberwock Island.

Very well...

Well hey, if there is something that you hold value; will wait for you to deal with it if you want.

Kyeheh... I am quite surprise your able to sympathize with us despite what we did, Farmer. I am curious why you don't seem to despise me.

Ah well, I'm... not exactly good with conflict or fighting much; I don't like it when people fight so I tend to avoid it and I know that most of Future Foundation fought you guys but I don't like it and i stay away from it.

I mean, I thought all you Ultimate Despair guys were like... these really violent fellas, like a rotten cabbage so I try to avoid you all.

But it seems like you weren't that bad of a person; I mean the way you trained your animals and even took care of them seems to show me you are very talented!

Yo-You think so, then I...!

Thank you, taking care of creatures and animals was something I like doing and I felt like I can trust them more then people... especially after the angel died...

The angel...?

My mother, she was the only one that took care of me, I was born out of wedlock and neither side of my family really approve of my existence so I accepted that I be disliked by everyone if they knew so I accepted it and it's why I felt more connected to animals.

My mother, she... she pass away years before I enroll into Hope's Peak Academy, I've long accepted her passing and it's probably why I feel that I was never a true Ultimate Despair...

Ah... so that's what happen, sorry to hear that; I heard kids from that situation don't get treated well, but again my folks had some problems of their own too so I can understand a bit...

[feminist-minimalist]

Hey, so....

I don't know how to put this, but abuse and neglect is bad, guys.

I mean, let's look at my life for a moment:

I don't talk to my family. I either am or used to be in two different wills. I no longer care about that and went no contact. Every interaction with them felt hollow, superficial, and like I was a fucking accessory. Anytime I was struggling it was "here, have money" with my dad. Other folks, "get over it, man up, sticks and stones my break my bones". Then made to feel bad about it when the money was all he offered.

My family don't know shit about me. And now I'm just like "meh, I'm gonna stop trying." Blood of the covenant is thicker than water in the womb it seems. Not that I'm leaving my university apartment much. I don't even have a car anymore. One day though.

Also, I am at a point where people talking about their family irks me unless we stiching and bitching (using that endearingly, sorry if that was a bit too harsh). Same with people's love lives. I am hoping EMDR makes me a lot less sensitized to every thing. I feel like an exposed nerve.

I lost my job over mentions of rapists during icebreakers and my PTSD response. Got blamed for it obviously. I mean, yeah, I didn't act perfectly, but they could have been more understanding. Like I had a right to sue and everything and just went "you know what? I want to fix this myself and I don't want a court case". Not saying they didn't do anything wrong, not saying I am a complete angel either. Just saying...it's chaos, be kind.

With Epstein, Pizzagate, The Sound of Freedom, I have to say...ya'll...

DON'T KNOW A DAMNED THING! Like, I think in this case, Urissa was kind of right. There's a lot of performative support. Not a lot of actual support. Still, doesn't make it any less true that she could have gotten help if she wanted though. I mean, I swear by my Medicaid paid, telehealth EMDR. I might even try to be a provider for it later. It feels like an antivaxxer talking to a doctor who specializes in immunology. Just shaking my head like...."that's not how...any of that works".

I also still really really really don't want to deal with in person sex or romance. I'm way too fucking scared because of Urissa's bullshit. Hire a cam model a few oceans away? Sure. But a woman that I see in person? I'm like "....." Like I really don't see anyone I meet in person as "romantic or sexual prospect". I am *way* the fuck too traumatized.

Even if I do say "well, I'm going to lose weight" I still fear the attention that I had from women growing up when I was actually able to take care of myself for a few years once my molesting brother moved to the other side of the country for college. I still think I was pretty asexual growing up because of the molestation and after Urissa it just became this thing of like "well, here's some connection and here's a way to experience sex without having sex". Don't so much agree with the shitpoor Asperger's diagnosis anymore. I may have had symptoms that shared across for PTSD and trauma. Bear in mind when I reported my CSA, the CPS laughed at me and my parents' response was either no response or "this makes me feel bad take care of me and make me feel better!" instead of you know? Protecting me?

Eh.

Am man. Must shut down emotions.

At least, that's what people want me to do. But I am a rebel it seems. A very fat, tired, broke rebel shouting with his keyboard. For now anyway.

What happened to me didn't make me a better or stronger person. It made me fearful. It made me miss out on "normal human things". It's blocked me from connecting with people properly. It made me distrustful. It made me less joyous. It made me angry. I already was a sweetheart and relatively resilient when I could actually have what I preferred. But after everything. Especially after the PTSD incident that got me fired, I just...don't know if I can always be sweet anymore. I really do have a high sensitization level for injustices. It's made me cynical.

Oh, and my childish family and Urissa kept telling me to grow up. So that's fun. Seems like I had to parent them and whenever I didn't know how to handle a situation instead of saying fuck off they just said "grow up and leave me alone with your stuff, that's your job to take care of my emotions and my adult issues!" in essence.

I don't even call Urissa an ex-girlfriend anymore because what the fuck was that shit?

I never actually dated her. I trauma bonded with her.

Guys.

What's a date? Because I don't fucking know if I did that with Urissa.

I think it was more like:

Raymond: "Hey, I see you are suffering do you want help?"

Urissa: "Yes."

Raymond: [Listens] "Oh, by the way I gotta go do some activist thing".

Urissa: Oh shit, there's gonna be girls there, let me express my "feelings" to him!

Raymond: [Shocked, but I think "this is new, let's try it. My mom's dying and I don't understand why I just don't care"]

Raymond as a 32 year old: "I should have listened to the social cues of interest at the activist event and let Urissa figure her shit out. Not that I have that drive anymore."

I don't know. I regret a lot of things regarding women that have shown interest in me, but I never thought "let's have sex!" Maybe I thought "eh, I'll try it and they're pretty and interested". But I never thought that it was "for me" you know?

Also, maybe they just were like "oh attractive, but.....eh." I didn't want to impose.

Anyway.

I don't miss my family. At all. I didn't mourn when people starting passing away or having health issues. I just thought "shit. They just..fucking. FORGOT about all the fucking trauma I went through with my brother and his best friend and my uncle. What the actual...what? I miss my Ozzie cockatiel though for sure. I miss the financial support. But the neglect? The verbal and emotional support abuse? The sexual abuse? The dismissals when I confronted them on it?

Nah.

I mean, yeah, I still feel compassion for them in a very intellectualized, cognitive way, but at the same time I'm like "on paper, you should have been a great family!"

I wanna change my name, ya'll. I really do. And I wanna move to a different, more nurturing country. But, I have some healing and desensitizing to do first.

I need a break more than anything, really. I feel like I've been in survival mode for 32 years whilst taking care of people who should have been able to take care of themselves.

[theofficefantasyfootball]

WEEK 1 - Wrap Up

HANG IN THERE!!!!

Guys, welcome to week 1 of the 2023 season! It's going to be a great year...I can feel it! Just like the video above..we are going to spend the next 14 weeks finding out who can hang on and make it to the playoffs and then...survive all the way to the championship game. I know some of you take fantasy football more serious than others. Personally, I feel those that don't spend at least 6 hours a week on fantasy strategy and team maintenance don't deserve a place in the final 3 weeks but that's not up to me. If it were up to me I would dedicate my entire week 24/7 to this shit. But, I have bills to pay and responsibilities, so I have to limit it to 20-24 hours a week. Anyway, good luck to everyone...I'm so glad we are back!

BACKDOOR BANDITS vs LONG LEFT BALLERS

Pretty sure on this one Kyle was hoping for more than 6.56 points out of his QB, Lamar Jackson...but he also probably didn't count on Nick Folk (Bebo's Titan Kicker) throwing up 18. Whatever the expectations were - this was the first match up of the year to end on Sunday and Bebo took the win 86 to 77. Knowing Kyle he will say his internet connection was funky and he meant to put Derek Carr in for Lamar and blame the whole loss on me...but no matter what is said or not said - Bebo get's the W and Kyle get's the L. Nice win Bebo...1-0 has to feel pretty good for a guy who still owes his fantasy fees.

HOWARD vs FUNK GUY

(this paragraph was written before the ending)

Ummm...Funk Guy beat Howard. Also, Funk Guy only had 62.90 points. WHAAAAAT? Things that contributed to Dana's win and Howard's loss? Well for Howard it was Joe Burrow with 3.18 points, Dallas Goedert with ZERO, Chase with 4.10 and Swift with .30. Pretty rough first week. For Dana, the Jacksonville Jaguars putting up 15 and Jalen Hurts squeaking out 14.50 was enough for him to put together a winning week. Congrats Dana. It's always good to beat a 3 time champion to start out the season.

(this is the correct ending)

Howard Wins. Jets defense...did it all. Sorry Dana!

LANAKILA vs TuPADRE

In the first game for the new Gullahorn "father/son" collaboration era - Lanakila said "No. Two is not better than 1 returning champion". Going into the night - Cliff was finished and had 103.44. The Gullahorns had 89.56 and Kicker Tyler Bass still to play...so they needed 14 from their kicker. Why were they in this position? Because Higgins (WR Cincinnati) decided to not get any points because the Bengals played like ass on Sunday and costs the commissioner $25 on fanduel. But, nonetheless - on Monday night - the Gully's did have a chance and came very close...they just came up a wee bit short. Congrats Cliff...could this be a back to back season with the trophy?

MOOSES ON THE LOOSES vs TRADE WITH ME

Just what everyone wanted to see...the Moose grabbing a win in week 1. Brett, what the hell! We all had such high hopes for you. You had one job - to beat Mitch and you let us all down! Personally, I feel like Mitch is still pissed about not getting his way on the PPR or 1/2 PPR or whatever he was selling and so now he is going to go off and have a 13 game winning streak (losing to Malik my Balls of course). Brett had a rough go of it from Daniel Jones, Renfrow, Waller and Giants Defense...while the Moose killed it with the nicest QB in the league Kirk Cousins, Aaron Jones, Tony Pollard and David Montgomery. Nice win Mitch. Going into MNF you do have high point - and if it hits I will pay out immediately!

BOOMER SOONER vs MR AWESOME

Well, this one was a bit of a nail biter. Gabe, aka Mr Awesome had his score locked in at 101.52 - no more players to play. Stu Jones only had 65.22 but had Dalvin Cook, Garrett Wilson and Stefon Diggs to play in the MNF match up. So he needed 36.3 from 3 pretty great players. Projections had Stu only putting up 93 points but as it is with MNF anything can happen. As the night went on...it became more and more obvious that without Aaron Rodgers - Wilson and Cook were not going to be able to help Stu enough. But thanks to overtime...Stu pulled it out by less than 1 point! .20 margin...he wins. Sorry Gabe...I guess your autodraft mid draft wasn't the play :)

MALIK MY BALLS vs TREE HUGGERS

And, yes...i found myself just trying to stay alive in week 1 on Monday Night. With a new name and a new team...I worked so hard to make sure I had the right line up....but in the minutes leading up to the first game - I made a big mistake by changing my line up. I pulled Mostert and put in Deon Jackson (INDY RB) because the "experts" said he was going to be the lone back and get tons of carries. They were right he did get a ton of carries, but he fumbled most of them and ended up with negative points. Going into MNF - Tree Huggers was up 12 points with Bills Defense still to play. I had Josh Allen left and was just hoping that he showed up and had an epic night...but he really didn't. Throwing 3 interceptions and not looking like the dominating Josh Allen of the past...coupled with Aaron Rodgers going down....and the Jets not scoring...the Bills Defense held their points and I just couldn't catch Scott. I lose! It's sucks. But of course I am happy for Scott. Of course I am.

SURVIVOR

Yep. Everyone moves on but me. I see all the picks...try to make my own picks and not be influenced...and then I always lose. Vikings can suck it. Breen OUT!

CHEERLEADER OF THE WEEK

First Cheerleader of the year is Melissa from the 49ers. She is a 6 year veteran to the squad...so she knows what the hell she is doing. When she shows up on game day she isn't still trying to learn her routines if you know what I mean. Since the 49ers were so great this week she was the perfect choice for week 1 Cheerleader of the Week. Let's go!