#male abuse victim

[feminist-minimalist]

Being Self-Isolated Or Just Isolated is Tough

Especially when it leads to anger at others for feeling unwanted, left out, misunderstood, etc.

And I've been isolated for 30ish years.

[gay-otlc]

Actually I think we should talk about how incredibly fucked up it is for sapphic women to say shit like "I'm no better than a straight man 😔" when attracted to a woman in a way that isn't 100% pure and wholesome, or act like men's attraction to women is inherently dirty, predatory, or objectifying.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Bernadette Allen

Published Nov 10, 2024

Around 30 women gathered in Belfast on Saturday to highlight concerns about a lack of support for male victims of domestic violence.

The march was made up of women wearing fluorescent pink and included relatives of men who have been the victims.

The twin daughters of west Belfast man Tony Browne, who was murdered by his girlfriend in 2022, were among those who attended.

Bobbi-Leigh and Shannon McIlwaine say there “isn’t enough support services for men” who are going through domestic abuse relationships.

'Extremely hard for a man to come forward'

Mr Browne, 54, was at his home when he was stabbed to death by Wiktoria Maksymowicz.

Bobbi-Leigh said her dad didn’t tell any of his family members what was happening.

“He told one of his closest friends but made his friend promise not to tell me and my sister because he didn’t want anyone to know,” she added.

The death of her father has had a "huge impact" on her, said Bobbi-Leigh.

"There is not one day I’m not thinking about my dad and what he went through and thinking if it could have been prevented," she said.

“It’s extremely hard for a man to come forward and say that he is being abused. There is a chance he won’t be believed, he will be laughed at.

“Women coming out today to speak for men, that’s sending a powerful message. It shows we believe them and support them. There needs to be more support from Stormont.”

[ West Belfast man Tony Browne was murdered by his girlfriend Wiktoria Maksymowicz in 2022 ]

The march was facilitated by the Men’s Alliance NI who are calling for a men’s refuge in Northern Ireland and more support from Stormont.

In a statement, Stormont ministers said they have made it clear that domestic and sexual abuse transcends boundaries of gender, age, sexual orientation, and ethnicity.

They have stressed their commitment to creating a society in Northern Ireland where domestic and sexual abuse are not tolerated, and where victims receive the support they need and where those responsible are held to account.

The Department of Health also said it provides funding for a 24-hour Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline, which is a confidential, freephone service available to any person impacted by domestic and sexual abuse in NI.

[ Around 30 women gathered in Belfast calling for more support ]

Shannon feels a men’s refuge is needed.

“If my dad had have been able to go somewhere it may have given him the courage to leave,” she said.

“It’s important that people come out today and show their support because domestic abuse isn’t a gendered issue and it needs to stop being stigmatised as a gendered issue.”

'Nowhere to go'

Carey Baxter from Men’s Alliance says domestic violence is a societal issue.

“Today is a women’s only march and women are doing this on behalf of men.

“We speak to men who are living in their cars or sofa surfing because they have nowhere to go."

Mr Baxter said there is a huge gap in funding and services for men.

“It’s not about taking services away from women, it’s about finding something extra for the men because those services are needed and we hear it every single day of the week in our support groups, but there is nothing there for them.”

[angelshizuka]

I love the visual storytelling in this show so much!

Because despite us never having seen Stella physically hit Stolas before this moment (she's thrown things at him, but that's technically a different thing, though, not any less abusive), everything in this scene proves it's happened before. They don't need to spell it out for us, they let the visuals speak for itself.

The way Stolas is backing away in fear, keeping his focus on her, because he knows exactly what's coming.

The only difference is that this time he's not scared anymore to defend himself (because he's officially hit his limit due to the night prior). Even Stella's shocked by it, showing us this really is the first time Stolas stopped her.

He tries to keep standing strong, but lets out a breath and sinks into himself the moment she leaves, because standing up to her took all the energy and willpower he had left in his body.

I feel like (well written) male abuse victim/female abuser is so hard to find in media, so I'm just so happy to see it here! I'm a firm believer of taking male abuse victims seriously, and that yes, even women can be their abusers.

[dykedvonte]

You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.

-Shrimp Anon

The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.

Get ready cause this is a yap session:

Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.

I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.

The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.

This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.

Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...

These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.

I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.

Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.

It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.

I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.

It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.

There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.

End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.

[creelarke]

REBLOG IF YOUR BLOG IS NOT A SAFE PLACE FOR RADFEMS

REBLOG IF YOUR BLOG IS NOT A SAFE PLACE FOR TERFS

[c1trvswurld]

STOP babying and objectifying Daisuke

STOP making anya a perpetual forever doting victim

STOP making swansea this hotheaded gaurd dog

STOP babying and objectifying and being ableist to curly and removing autonomy

STOP ignoring the complex themes of jimmys character just to mischaracterize and to dunk on your idea of him and, therefore, ignoring the themes of the story

Stop ignoring the complexities of their characters please and thank you

[egalitarianchica]

Yet another reminder that men and boys can be victims of these things too. Glad Justin felt brave enough to speak up ❤️

[mingot-studios]

th reason I'm so aggressive with St*lla defenders is because I'm FUCKING SICK of seeing male victims who were abused by women get downplayed and pushed to the fucking side just because their abuser was a woman

Pisses me THE FUCK off

[softwaring]

honestly it’s so sad when children forgive their parents for a literal lifetime of torment and abuse like? they don’t and will never deserve forgiveness, point blank dgaf?

idk how ppl can move past that shit and i know therapy tries to teach ‘fOrGivEneSs iS fOr YouRseLf” like how the fuck is someone ignoring their natural instincts just to appease their abuser okay or normal? just because the male dominated mental health care field says so??

[number1villainstan]

hopefully i don't forget this in the morning but something something saionji in the StuCo arc being the caricature of an Evil Abusive Patriarchal Man that becomes the focus of people's hatred of the system/patriarchy, the type of villain you'd find in a simplistic surface-level feminist tale, and--crucially--the societal conception of "abuse" and "abuser" that serves to a) deflect conversation about the way societal systems enable abuse and warp it into only blaming individuals/thinking of "abusive" as a personality trait rather than of abuse as a choice and b) make it much, much harder to detect and recognize more insidious, smiling-faced forms of abuse, the kind of abuse that Touga and Akio enact, the kind that leaves psychological marks rather than physical ones

[specifically this is talking about his narrative role in the story as an antagonist and butt monkey, a Doylist approach if you will, rather than his standing within the world of Ohtori (the Watsonian approach)]

[feminist-minimalist]

You Can Care and Still Be Angry at Them

I think the hardest thing about my own personal traumas is that I absolutely see the humanity of my abusers. Take Urissa. Yes, she was a rapist and overall awful human being, but at the same time, I still felt her hurt each time she took a blade to herself and started to take out all her trauma on herself.

Even though Urissa never gave me the space to deal with my own traumas, I still felt it was my duty to give her the space to deal with hers. I was angry at her a lot. For many reasons.

She coerced me into playing a game where she pretended she could get pregnant despite her hatred and abuse towards random kids we would meet. As well as her IUD. I still felt sorry for her trauma with regards to forced abortions and the like. But I was still angry at her for assuming a pro life angle when I knew her better to be pro-choice. I knew she was working through some pretty intense pregnancy trauma at the time. But she didn't have to take out her trauma on me.

Same with drugs and the bodily autonomy angle. Maybe it is her choice to do drugs and to force a hypothetical pregnancy on me to get me to stay with her. Maybe she's just "working through her trauma". But I never signed up for that mess. I knew it was going to be an uphill battle to play the committed boyfriend. But how long was that going to last? Why am I the coerced and forced enabler to her addictions? She literally played the bodily autonomy angle to try to coerce me into buying her heroin and crack cocaine. I refused. But she made me out to be the awful one by saying shit about bodily autonomy and how shitty a boyfriend she thought I was.

I wish I could say that an involuntary admittance to a psych ward would have helped Urissa. But I know the damage that could do. I also knew the damage if I forced medical care on her. So I was often stuck.

I hate Urissa not because she challenged my views on bodily autonomy and not because she was a deeply challenging person. I hate her because she really should have known better than to take out her traumas on me and others. I hate the positions she put me in. I resented her for taking my sleep and feelings of relative safety away. I resented her for a lot of things she did to me that were unfair and traumatizing.

But she still had rights. And I still know that involuntarily committing someone could do more harm than good.

I still don't know if I ever did the right thing with Urissa.

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

There are certain posts I make on here that stand out to me more than others. I still sometimes remember the one about the pedophile live in nanny who raped the boy she was caring for and had his baby

This is one of the screenshots

And I wanted to show this again for anyone who might not have seen the original post

She's referencing an 11 year old boy. He wasn't a man and I don't get why she kept saying that. He was a child at that time

It doesn't "take two" because not only was she an adult, but she was an authority figure to him

It's just so incredibly disgusting to me when people, when grown adults will blame children (and I'm including teenagers in this) when they're taken advantage of like this

It doesn't matter if he enjoyed it or thought he wanted it because he was a child at that point. He was in 5th or 6th grade and couldn't consent to anything

I think this sticks with me more than anything because usually when people try to brush it off or blame the kid, the child is usually in their teenage years (15-17). But this one is just a preteen, possibly not even out of elementary (/primary) school when it happened

[niiwa-angel]

This has gotta be one of the stupidest things I've ever seen. The lady is 100% correct that the kid was born as something, they're either male or female. This comic tries to make it look like she's the bad guy but she's 100% correct.

I'd also point out just how well this adds to the theory that most "trans kids" are just victims of Munchausen by Proxy. How is this kid going to know if they're a boy or a girl if not by sex? Stereotypes. Boys like trucks and getting messy and nerf guns and steak and climbing trees and the colour blue! Girls like dolls and dresses and tea parties and baking and pink! So progressive y'all!!!

This is like the opposite of gender equality. Instead of teaching the kid that they're a boy/girl and that doesn't stop them from liking or disliking anything, we're going to sit here and pretend a little kid has any idea what a gender identity is

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

November 19 is International Men's Day.

Because:

76% of suicides are men

85% of homeless are men

70% of homicide victims are men

40% of domestic abuse victims are men

Men are the majority victims of violent crime

Men on average serve 64% longer in prison

Men on average are 3.4x more likely to be imprisoned than women when both committed the same crime

==

Regarding the last two points, the male-female sentencing gap is larger than the race sentencing gap. So if you're concerned about racial incarceration disparities, remember that black men are also men. And secondly, imprisonment is also much more likely when the crime involves a female victim.

[licorice-and-rum]

Currently re-watching the Depp v. Heard case and realizing I could easily write pages and pages of why I think what I think, and about male victims of domestic violence and abuse, and how we're not morally prepared to deal with them.