#Sometimes I have normal interests

[slingbees]

I know I partly do it to myself but it really is a bummer making art without any sense of community whatsoever

Like it's not about follower count, I don't need more followers, I don't care about the number, but I guess I feel used up. Like I'm screaming into the void more than other artists

[tam--lin]

The thing is, you don’t have to have a diagnoses to make simple “unmasking” changes that make your life easier. You don’t even have to self-diagnose! You are not appropriating anyone’s culture or struggles or hijacking anyone’s movement by allowing yourself to sway in line at the grocery store or buying a weighted blanket or using study or household hacks intended for people with ADHD. If you start favoring the needs that make your brain and body unique over the arbitrary norms of society, you’ll be better off, and you’ll be expanding the norms. It’s a win/win.

[inkats]

punjabi miku

[originalaccountname]

Mori Ougai’s belief as the boss is [...] “The boss stands on top of the organization, and at the same time, be the slave of all.” For the sake of the organization, the boss must always take the “logical optimal solution.” That is the duty of the boss. [...] “Therefore, no matter how much your heart aches, you have to ignore your personal feelings.”

Kafka Asagiri, for the BSD exhibition

On Mori and regret.

This man acts based on his perceived "optimal solution". It means relying on cold logic, detached from (his own and others') emotions. In that way, he fits right in as one of the smart characters of BSD, contrasting for example Dazai's way of working with/around people's feelings, and Fyodor's way of manipulating and twisting those feelings into monsters.

Mori remains cold, logical, distant, efficient. It meant disregarding Yosano's and the soldiers' deteriorating mental health during the war because the concept of an army that cannot be wiped out was too good. It meant following Natsume's plan and taking the old boss' place himself to fix Yokohama's underground and protect the city and its people. It also meant disposing of Mimic by sacrificing Oda in order to get the special ability business permit, despite (and perhaps because of) Dazai's attachment to the man.

The thing is, humans are not logical creatures, and will inevitably encounter conflicting emotions.

(does this look like the face of a man without regrets to you?)

Mori in Dark Era tried to pass on to Dazai his practice of putting aside his own feelings for the sake of choosing the most efficient solution that will benefit the group. It backfired spectacularly, so much so even, that Mori regrets it to this day.

For the BSD exhibition, Asagiri wrote some individual character commentaries, all very interesting insights into their characters and the writing intentions. For Mori, here's what he wrote:

“He who fell out of the optimal solution” Mori Ougai’s belief as the boss is described in the novel “Dark Era” and “Dazai, Chuuya, Fifteen”. That is “The boss stands on top of the organization, and at the same time, be the slave of all.” For the sake of the organization, the boss must always take the “logical optimal solution.” That is the duty of the boss. There is an unspoken additional point to it. “Therefore, no matter how much your heart aches, you have to ignore your personal feelings.” We can catch a glimpse of that in this scene. [the ADA-PM alliance meeting] Mori’s expressions after “Burnt it.” and “Like what you did to your predecessor”, gave us a glimpse of his true feelings that were made sacrifices for the sake of the “logical optimal solution”. (By the way, it goes without saying that Dazai is inducing Mori’s thoughts by words that will make him regret the past. It is to make him decide to form an “alliance”.) source and translation: Popopretty

(notice the inclusion of Hirotsu in this scene. Remember that later, Hirotsu suggests that Dazai knows why Mori did what he did to overthrow the old boss, which, in my opinion, is both a proof of Dazai's support in Mori's goal, and a reminder to uphold it.)

One of my favourite parts of the Dark Era light novel is a small scene during the epilogue that was not adapted into the anime. This is two weeks after Dazai defected:

To quote Asagiri again, "Therefore, no matter how much your heart aches, you have to ignore your personal feelings." Mori is conflicted about the outcome of the Mimic incident. He holds in his hands the Silver Oracle he himself gave to Oda, and reflects on its purpose: to "help the man mentioned above without hesitation in the face of any and all trials". Didn't he fail to do just that with Oda? Didn't he set him up and sent him to his doom? Didn't he abandon him to his trial?

But he rationalizes the events by saying he got the permit they so badly needed. No matter if he sacrificed one of his men. No matter if he drove Dazai away. He accomplished his priceless goal. It was a total success.

And yet, he poorly folds a paper airplane with the very Silver Oracle he gave Oda, throws it, watches it crash immediately, and mourns the loss of his right-hand man, without ever moving on.

But we have a direct example of Mori expressing regret.

The perception that Mori in BEAST is a completely different character than Mori is in canon, when that perception doesn't extend to any other character from that universe, rubs me the wrong way. The characters in BEAST are very similar to their canon selves, with some core traits getting a new twist. They are all one or two major life changes away from becoming these versions of themselves. As far as we know, Mori's only life-altering event was being forcefully removed from the Port Mafia by Dazai, and secretly put in charge of Atsushi's old orphanage.

Mori unambiguously made that orphanage a better place, as stated by Atsushi himself. BEAST!Mori is a lot softer, vulnerable and honest. That Mori offers to be a father to Atsushi while he heals. He also expresses regret in not being able to help Dazai when he was in his care.

I think it's very interesting, especially when knowing that Asagiri wrote both BEAST and Fifteen at the same time for the Dead Apple movie, because in Fifteen we have this:

The beginning of the first chapter of Fifteen is a gold mine. It is narrated from Mori's point of view, the man of logic and calculations, and yet it is full of doubt. He is alone and struggling to fix everything with so many people against him. But, throughout this scene about grasping at the Port Mafia's power, there is also this secondary thought being woven in, of Mori having started to actually care for Dazai.

The teenager is scary to him, smart enough to be a threat should he decide to be done with all this and turn against him, and yet, he immediately (and with a hint of sadness) finds that Dazai reminds him of himself. This lonely, lonely man found a kindred spirit, bright enough to grasp any situation in seconds and prone to using an uncomfortable obsession to divert and keep you guessing his true intentions. Mori entered Mentor Mode™ then. He taught Dazai his ways, he shared his struggles and thought process, he fought tooth and nail to keep him alive.

So when he asked Dazai why he wanted to die, it was with the concern of someone who has started to care. It was with the mind of someone who is trying to prevent the worst by fixing the problem at its source.

(translation: Reneray)

But it's also that self-projection/ability to relate that made him drive Dazai away, when he pushed too hard and forced Dazai to adhere to his optimal solution philosophy. Because Dazai cannot separate himself from his attachments, could not ignore his emotions like Mori does, and chose Oda over Mori's logic. From Dazai's point of view, that was betrayal. Mori and him were accomplices!

Dazai planted the idea that Mori was afraid of him taking over as boss, and Mori seems to agree with that thought (would it be because he feared for his life, or for Dazai's ability to replace him?) Yet, for a man afraid of his closest subordinate backstabbing him, he seems to be hanging on quite hard to the possibility of Dazai coming back, leaving his seat open to this day, inviting him back twice in the same arc, and...

(yeah I used this picture at the start too. "I hAvE nO rEgReTs" he says)

Mori may try to convince himself he feels no regrets and no guilt over his own actions by weighting gains and losses objectively, but he still hurts and has a very hard time moving on. He's human despite his best efforts, prone to mistakes and doubts. He's lonely and wishes to impart his knowledge onto others. His cold logic has both helped him in fixing the city, and alienated him from some of the people he most cared about.

In a similar vein, should the ADA employee transfer be of topic again, and should Mori clash with Yosano again, I wish we get to see some similar conflicting emotions in Mori between the usefulness of Yosano's ability, and Yosano herself as a person. The war was 14 years ago, that's a long time, and I want to believe that counts for something.

[bacchuschucklefuck]

it just idea .......

[cherubytes]

ultrakill is the only fandom where i've actually enjoyed the fact that people will literally ship anyone with anyone

[deoidesign]

Thinks about my next series again... I drew the icon for it!

I'm planning to have it launched within a year! I'm hoping for summer 2025. I want to make a prelaunch page before Time and Time Again ends so people can subscribe if they're interested, but I'm worried the series return would be too early...

[agenttommykinard]

some of you have only shipped really popular, big fandom ships, and it shows

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

There are only so many fanfics that use the entirety of DC as cardboard cutouts to prop up bat family characters that I can read before I go berserk.

I swear to god. Every character that has ever been shipped with a bat or coexists on the same team as a bat is owed an apology.

How many Young Justice fanfics that solely revolve around Tim must exist? How many Titans fanfics centered only on Dick? Why is it a herculean task to find a Justice League fanfic without Bruce as the main character?

And then even when you do find a fic that seems like it's balanced, everything still revolves around the bat. Like Kon, Cassie and Bart have nothing else going on in their lives except Tim and Tim's issues or thinking about Tim. Like Donna and Wally and Roy just cannot function if they aren't spending every waking moment thinking about Dick.

I'm... Guys. I'm at my limit. I swear to god. We need to make a Batman tag and surgically remove all these fics and quarantine them there. We'll keep the actual DC fics and they can do whatever the fuck they want in their own tag. It's getting ridiculous how hard it is to find fanfic that's actually DC related and isn't just 'The BatFam Show'.

[themintman]

I am filled with HATE and SORROW y'all know how like Nurm is my favourite character my number 1 guy out of any piexe of media ever I love him dearly which sucks cause he's pretty unpopular but whatever whatever. N I'm like "man I really want to see some new Nurm content but everything I find I've either seen before or I created ☹️" and then I. I go on tiktok and I KEEP seeing edits that start with a clip with Nurm in them and then haha surprise it's actually a Petra edit!! Cause it's ALWAYS PETRA GOD DAMN IT and I love her. I love Petra so much. She is a fabulous character but ohm y god I am tweaking. I genuinely started crying y'all I am not sane nor normal. I'm so normal about him. Oh my good god I am going insane I am 💥💥💥💥

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

see this is the custom image i made for myself bc i have rewatched this movie 5 times in the past 3 days. im so sorry everyone.

[sleeping-at-sea]

Do you ever like smth so much that it makes you tear up,,,

[chickenstrangers]

Not Me: It's About Earrings

Earrings in Not Me represent identity and transformation. The scene where Black takes back his earrings is one of my favorite scenes of the show (ignoring the continuity editing errors where Black puts in one earring like 4 times). I made this set a while ago but I still have thoughts about Not Me that I want to write down.

The earrings are a marker of identity, and a way to recognize that identity, not only with White's earrings (or Black's, as the case may be) but Sean's as well.

White's transformation process highlights the earrings. He physically alters his body in multiple ways in order to become like Black. The most permanent alteration is of course the tattoo, but the earrings are also important, especially in their lack of permanency. We see the piercing, the grimace on White's face, the discomfort of having to take on this new identity.

When White is living a double life, going between the gang and dinner with his father, we see him taking out the earrings himself, shedding Black's identity. This time it is voluntary, White can separate these two sides of himself, because he has not fully become someone else yet. It is still an act.

But the earrings are not just about White and Black, they also play an important role in Sean and White's relationship. When Sean tells White about his dad, White reaches out to him, to comfort him, and starts gently playing with Sean's earring. This is the first time, really, that White is seeing Sean, the culmination of the flag scene. Seeing who Sean is, the soft vulnerable core of him that he tries to protect with brashness and animosity. Then there is the tent scene. And at this point it doesn't matter who White is pretending to be, and Sean has started to suspect something has changed. What matters is who White really is.

And right as White has begun to settle into this new identity, one that is not just a copy of the one he stole from Black, when he's realizing how he has himself been transformed by these experiences, Black wakes up and takes everything back.

The tattoo is permanent, it will stay on White's skin forever unless he gets it removed, but then it might still scar or leave something behind. It shows the lengths he went to to become his twin. But while White was pretending, he himself changed significantly, his worldview, his goals, his community. While the tattoos and earrings and contacts are a disguise, they are also a part of the person he has become. The tattoo is something that Black cannot take from White, it is etched in his skin. But he can take the earrings.

White looks so incredibly forlorn during the conversation with Black. Especially once Black takes out the earrings, he seems naked without them. He looks so young, like a kid playing dress up but now the costume is off.

Black's movements are detached, uncaring, calm, but it feels as if he's ripping out the earrings, taking back his identity by force. And of course White does not stop him. Cannot stop him. That was not his identity to start with. He was borrowing it, and so the return was inevitable. Black takes out the earrings and immediately puts them in his own ears.

But the meaning of the earrings has changed. Unlike the tattoo, which is a copy, a recreation, the earrings are material, they are Black's earrings. But they're not just Black's anymore. White is different than he was before, and now, bereft of the earrings, he must grapple with who he is now.

Thanks to @ranchthoughts and our regular discussions on this subject.

[shiraishi--kanade]

Another thing I need pjsk fandom to realize:

1) there are literal 10 years old (and younger) children in this fandom;

2) the percentage of these children in the fandom is MUCH, MUCH higher than every single one of you here on tumbrl think it is.

"why do people write so much for popular characters?" "why do people write for kudos only?" aside from the fact that the "write for yourself" is a self-perpetuating issue in every fandom and the fact that every writer deserves engagement with their works, it's because there are kids here. Who want to fit in and get praised for their creativity. Which they can only achieve by writing for popular stuff. So maybe take that into account.

[sergeifyodorov]

In my relatively short career as A Guy Who Watches Hockey Games (In Person) I have realized that there is in fact a "bucket list" of things a person wishes to see. Some things -- a goalie goal, for example -- are so infinitesimally unlikely you can't really bank on ever getting to see one; if you went to a game where a goalie scored a goal, You won hockey, doesn't matter what the score was. It is not my mission to see one of these, but here's what I actually do want to see:

Every currently operating Great One (Ovechkin, Crosby, McDavid, Matthews, Bedard). I have seen 2/5 -- Bedard and Matthews (in the same game, even -- went to Leafs/Hawks in Chicago). It brings me great pleasure to note that I have seen rookie Connor Bedard. It was from very far away (press box seats. thanks dave!!! <- not sarcasm i had a lot of fun) but I can confirm he is that tiny IRL. The hope is to see at least one more this season; the Caps come to Ottawa (my current home arena, and there is no way I'm paying for Leafs home tickets) twice in January, and I might see the Pens in Detroit also.

Speaking of AM34 I would like to see him score a GOAL. Auston that's basically your whole thing. Auston please. Your goals

I have seen two hat tricks (Mika Zibanejad JIMMY VESEY!??? pre-COVID when i did Not care about hockey, Jason Dickinson in the aforementioned Leafs/Hawks game). I would like to see a hat trick from someone i CARE about oh my god.

This is not a bucket list item but I have been going around telling people I saw a Mika Zibanejad hat-trick this whole fucking time and it was JIMMY VESEY????? Mika got 3 assists and I think I remembered him more than Jimmy FUCKING Vesey because Jimmy Vesey is (as established in iconic piece of 21st century tragedy filmmaking All or Nothing: Toronto Maple Leafs) vanilla as fuck and Mika has a name and identity that really clicks with you when you are 15 and only at this hockey game because you're on spring break vacation with your absent father and he really likes hockey. Jimmy fucking Vesey

This is an internal betrayal of the highest degree.

I would like to see a fun comeback; either the home team at a game where I am a neutral party, or the Leafs.

I want to see a game at everyone's home stadium. Currently at 4/32 (MSG, Scotiabank, CTC, United Center (NYR/TOR/OTT/CHI))

I don't care about normal fights (half a lie; they're fun but not a bucket list item) but I would kill to see a goalie fight

A playoff game. Ideally one where the Leafs win, but I will take what I can get

A playoff game that goes into at least double OT. This is technically separate from the previous statement but combined would be fun.

This is a rare one: I want to be at one of those games that you can refer to in shorthand and everyone who's a serious fan will go oh, That game. Like not "They lost in OT in Chicago and some dude scored a hat-trick and Willy's point streak broke" shorthand. "10-7 in Detroit" shorthand. "Steve Dangle's most viewed video" shorthand. Post-a-screenshot-and-people-know type of shorthand. Good or bad. I just want it to be weird

[dykedvonte]

why do you hate Joshua Graham or Honest Hearts so much?

This DLC and character represents a bigger issue with fandom spaces I have but particularly fallout fandom in general.

Fallout tends to tackle a lot of topics controversial and not. The first two games it’s heavy cause they are the most satirical and direct with how anti-war, nationalism and etc… they are. 3 loses this as it’s very clear once you play or learn about all the games that Todd and a bunch of guys at Bethesda just liked the 50s post apocalyptic aesthetic and refuse to actually critique the ideals of the time period like the earlier titles.

New Vegas is the game that really gets back into it a degree it almost seems like it’s taking too much on. There are things done exceedingly well while other things are done horribly wrong . I’ve made posts about it before and plan to make a big series of posts (it’s a lot of writing) but my biggest gripe is with Honest Hearts and all the gross and white savior esque depictions it has of indigenous peoples. The entirety if FNV does not do the injustices faced by indigenous people correctly on any count. My two biggest complaints are with the Khans and the tribes in Zion but I’ll talk about the former on a different post.

Both characters of Daniel and Joshua are the most accurate depiction of white saviors I’ve seen and I hate how the DLC tries to justify and defend them. The DLC treats Joshua like this man who has repented for his past actions when he is just retracing his steps after his cruelty bit him in the ass. He was one of the worst parts of the Legion and it is all but explicitly stated that if you don’t force him to be non-violent he will turn the tribes of Zion into the legion 2.0. The Dead Horses and the Sorrows are horribly infantilized by both Daniel and Joshua who both use them for self serving purposes guised by religious duty. The White Legs are the horrible stereotype of violent and savage indigenous and I personally think a lot of their interlinking with Ulysses, his hair and Ulysses character in general are distasteful and very telling of how BIPOC or POC where involved.

But outside of the game it’s the weird obsession people have with these characters ideologies and trying to make them seem more interesting/philosophical than they are. Tumblr is an echo chamber and many fans of Fallout are not the people on this site. Many people are not educated in the issues these characters convey and how poorly they do or used these characters as a poor introduction for their takes. Contrary to what a lot of people believe in, fallout has a prediomeny white cis male fanbase. More importantly a large portion of the fanbase is white.

You can joke how FNV made you trans or see the numbers on post/fics or diverse headcanons but these are kiddy numbers compared to the millions that consume the franchise and aren’t in those more aware spaces or don’t engage in the spaces the same way someone like me does/has to. Their views shape a lot more than people realize and it’s exhausting to be in a space where people don’t correct the more subtle yet toxic aspects of it but also adopt them into some weird quirky view point on the characters or issues. Some people don’t realize and some people don’t care.

My main issue is just the idolizing of these sort of thing in this fandom space and people try to acts like a game like fallout whose tagline is “War never changes” and has never had a game not revolve around political or militaristic factions issues isn’t that deep or doesn’t relate to real issues. I think it’s mainly caused by how over powered you can become and how you can strong arm your way past these learning moments as majority of people who play this game do play it as a power fantasy where they can do so as they please (which of course, go ahead it’s fun) but never take in parallels or lessons in the story as if it was just another first person shooter.

Also like another personal gripe is Cazadores spawn like hell whenever I’m there and I have not found a mod that works to mod them out so I have to play Indigenous Racism the DLC while getting jumped by giant wasps WHILE helping Mormons. Like I cannot catch a break.