#Slytherin skittles incorrect quotes

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Barty: James’ eyes are Brown, right? Regulus: They are, but a hazelnut brown. And they get these golden shades when the light hits them just right.

Evan: And when was the last time he smiled?

Regulus: Last night at about 1:57 am, when I said something that made him laugh.

Barty: Right. And when's my birthday?

[Regulus doesn’t answer]

Barty: When's my birthday, Regulus?

Stole it from here

[percyweasleyapologist]

Evan: I never tell people off the bat that I'm gay. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm gay right?" and watch the look of terror on their face.

Barty:

Barty: I like you.

[whydousernamesevenexist]

James: Aww, Reg, so romantic with all those candles!

Regulus: first of all, I'm summoning a demon-

[uhhlifeig]

Dorcas: In what ways do you connect with your favorite fictional characters? Pandora: Barty: Evan: Regulus: *pulls up a 374 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.

[maxdibert]

If the scenarios invented by the Twink Marauders stans followed canon:

Dorcas Meadowes: Guys, we need to do something. Snivellus called Lily a Mudblood.

Barty: Because she is a filfthy Mudblood lol

Evan: Why are you talking like a bloody Gryffindor?

Regulus: And who the hell are you by the way?

Dorcas: I’m Dorcas Meadowes?

Regulus: And what the hell is that? Can you eat it or something?

[marauding-almond]

things me and my friends have said as the marauders (part 3):

Regulus: why are you writing ‘cum’ in bubble letters on the blackboard …?

Barty: How dare you, I’m actually drawing worms that spell out cum

Regulus: That’s supposed to make it better???

[z0mbieb0ys-incorrectquotes]

Evan: Go fuck yourself.  Barty, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch

[sylviaplathenthusiast]

barty: i hate you<3

evan: i got a heart out of it tho

barty: i can hate you and still fully intend to rip my heart out of my chest and put it in a glass bell jar for you

barty: dont tell me what to do

[sonatadash]

Regulus: Hey, Barty, are you free on Friday? Like around eight? Barty: Yeah. Regulus: And you, Evan? Evan: Umm... yes? Regulus: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date! Evan: Did he just-

[loz-tearsofahomo]

Barty: I missed you

Regulus: ... Okay

Barty: You never say it back! Guys [literally Evan is the only other person in the room apart from Snape in the corner] this is not a fucking bit Reg is very bad with like- emotions.

Barty: I'd be like yo I miss you, and you'd be like,,, cool and roll your eyes.

Barty: That's like- that's what you would do.

Barty: You'll never be like Yeah i fucking missed you too

Regulus: I didn't though

Barty: Im not with you all the time!

Regulus: So the second I leave I should miss you already??

Barty: Yes.

Regulus: Merlin's beard-

Barty: The second I leave Evan and like, my mom, I miss them. I miss them, I can't wait to see them again.

Regulus: So your wife, and your mom.

Barty: Yeah.

Regulus: But us?

Barty: I CONSIDER YOU PART OF THE FAMILY

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Regulus: Do you wanna know how I actually hurt my wrist?

Barty: Yes

Regulus: I was hula-hooping. James and I attend a class for fitness and for fun

Barty: Oh my god

Regulus: I've mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie doodle

Barty: Why are you telling me all this?

Regulus: Because no one will ever believe you

Barty: You sick son of a bitch.

[percyweasleyapologist]

Evan, at Barty's funeral: I need a moment with them.

Everyone: Of course. *They leave*

Evan, leaning over Barty′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.

Barty: Yeah, no shit.

[whydousernamesevenexist]

Evan: when I said "bring me something from the beach", I meant like a seashell or something!

Barty: *struggling to hold a seagull* well fucking say that then!

[florsial]

Slytherin Skittles (aka Hogwarts' Pantheon) Incorrect quotes!

(+others)

. . . . .

Evan: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Barty will and will not eat. Pandora: Grass? Yes! Evan: Moss? Yes!! Pandora: Leaves? Ohh, yes! Evan: Shoelaces? Strange but true! Pandora: Worms? Sometimes! Evan: Rocks? Usually nah. Pandora: Twigs? Usually! Evan: Dorcas's cooking? Inconclusive! Regulus: How did you… test this? Evan: You just hand them stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if they eat it, they eat it. Regulus: ... I don’t know how to feel about this. Dorcas: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

. . . .

Regulus: Where's Evan, Dorcas, and Pandora?

Barty: They're playing hide and seek. Regulus: Where? Barty: I don't think you get how this game works.

. . . .

Pandora: Regulus's first detention, I'm so proud. Evan: Whoa, back up. Why did they get detention? Dorcas: Because they're an idiot. Barty, terrified: They can do that??

. . . .

Regulus: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell. Evan and Barty: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!

. . . .

Regulus: What did you guys get in your yearbook? Dorcas: 'Prettiest Smile' Pandora: 'Nicest Personality' Barty: 'Most likely to start a bar fight' Evan: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

. . . .

Regulus: You're a lying piece of shit! Barty: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD! Evan: I'm leaving and I'm taking Pandora with me! Dorcas, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

. . . .

Pandora: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? Dorcas: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. Barty: Three of us saw it, Dorcas. How do you explain that? Dorcas: *points at Evan* Sleep deprivation. *points at Regulus* Paranoia. *points at Barty* Delusional personality disorder.

. . . .

Pandora: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? Dorcas: Several traffic violations. Evan: Three counts of resisting arrest. Barty: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks. Regulus: Also, that’s not our car.

. . . .

Barty: How do you connect with a fictional character? Evan: What? Dorcas: What? Pandora: What? Regulus: *pulls up a 500 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.

. . . .

Regulus: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple... Pandora: I really care about your feelings! Lily: I really care about YOUR feelings! Regulus, turning their head: ...and then there's the disaster couple... Barty: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL! Evan: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

. . . .

James: What did you get Regulus for their birthday? Pandora: I got them a kitten. Barty: Really? Me too! Dorcas: I also got them a cat. Evan: Looks like we had the same idea. Pandora: James, please tell me you didn't get Regulus a cat as well! James: ...I got them a kitten. *later* Regulus, in their apartment surrounded by cats and kittens: This is the best birthday ever!

. . . .

Pandora: What do rainbows mean to you? Barty: Gay rights. Dorcas: There's money. Evan: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood. Regulus: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

. . . .

Regulus: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses. Barty: This knife is actually a magic wand. Evan: Meet me in the Denny's parking lot for a wizard duel. Pandora: * cocks gun* Magic missile. Dorcas: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

[maxdibert]

Barty Crouch and Evan Rosier would never have looked down on Severus Snape for calling Lily Evans a mudblood; they probably just felt genuinely disappointed that he hadn’t gone further and chopped her into pieces with sectumsempra. The conversation must have gone something like this:

Evan: Mate, Mulciber told me the mudblood broke up with Snape because he called her a mudblood lol

Barty: But did he slit her throat or something?

Evan: No, mate, just telling her what she is

Barty: What a drag, then. It wasn’t even that big of a deal. I would’ve hung her from the tower and let the birds eat her.

Evan: Maaaate, now that would’ve been a fucking great show.

[marauding-almond]

Things me and my friends have said as the Marauders (Part 7? I think?)

Barty: I saw him - in a vision

Evan: what did he look like?

Barty: Like... the shadow of a giraffe... but not the shape, the vibe, and... green. Acid green, but all swirly and blurry at the edges

Barty: And then he spoke - but not in in words, in sounds, like cats fighting.

Even: what did he say?

Barty: spread the word... the birds are evil. Eradicate them... spread the word

Regulus: Are you high

Regulus: Barty. Are you high?

Barty: Nah I only had like four joints