#Seriously there is no excuse for glorifying suicide

[miss-rum-hee]

> go on Twitter > see people celebrating someone's suicide by setting themselves on fire because "He did it for Palestine!" > get off Twitter > go to Tumblr > see the SAME EXACT RHETORIC > FML

[peachigummi]

test my luck ꢾ꣒ mattheo riddle.

summary: enemy to lovers! Mattheo and y/n have been each other's biggest haters since year 1, they're in their final year at Hogwarts. Mattheo finally pushes y/n to the edge, with his venomous words and guilt tactics.

pairing: enemy! mattheo x fem ravenclaw! reader

warnings: not for the faint of heart! mature themes/language. mentions of abuse. slow burn? bullying angst!! oh my god angst, but ends with some bittersweet fluff I promise! attempted suicide sorry (after reading this back, i dont mean it to be manipulation or to glorify or romanticize but! shit!! for a plot?)

note: i haven't written anything in literal years, the pov is going to shift a lot so bear with me. i honestly just lost any sense of motivation. but something in me just bloomed. you wont see any hp things on this blog it is my journal and i feel like sharing! maybe a part 2 in the making. if this gets enough response.

word count: 6,828

(slightly not really proofread or fan fact checked? if that's a thing ha)

playlist: should i create..? you know damn well the smiths would be in it! like Bigmouth Strikes Again?? that is mattheo!

reblogs & comments are so appreciated! i hope you enjoy <3

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

It was the start of your last year of Hogwarts, it was an okay time. You personally didn’t get into too much trouble, you liked to stick by yourself for the most part. You studied hard because your muggle parents were still confused about you being a witch, and what you would get out of it. It was hard to process that information, it was a thing of fairy tales. You had to prove yourself in this new world. That…that was hard when you were constantly looking over your shoulder for Mattheo Riddle.

“What’s a whore doing in my seat?” Speak of the damn devil. 

You turned to look at him with a sarcastic smile, “Well hello to you too Mattheo.” You nod at the three other boys that were with him, each of their arms crossed. “Draco. Blaise. Theodore.” You return to look at Mattheo, “you know last time I checked… there are no assigned seats in Potions.” You looked around and the class was still fairly empty.

“Think again and think hard.” Mattheo spoke to you in a cold shallow tone, he barely looked at you. He circled around the table you were at, your eyes following him. He suddenly stopped right behind your chair, yanking it back. There was a loud scrape, the few students that were in the room turned to look at the scene unfolding. You didn’t meet any of their eyes. Mattheo slammed his hand on the side of the table, making you flinch. You hated that you reacted that way. He grabbed the back of your ponytail, forcing your head forward where his hand was, “Look.” M. Riddle. D. Malfoy. B. Zabini. T. Nott. Their names were carved into the side. You grabbed Mattheo’s hand, the one that was still holding onto your ponytail, you tried to pry his icy cold fingers off. It only made him tighten his grip, he bent down to get close to your face, “I suggest you move unless you want me to carve my name onto your face as well.” he spat and finally let go. 

“Whatever,” you gathered your books, “this seat sucks anyways. I’ll go hang out with Professor Snape up front.” You rolled your eyes as Draco lit up a cigarette, handing the pack to the boys to share. If you’re going to try and get away with smoking, yeah do it in the back of the class I guess.

“You really like being a teacher’s pet don’t you? That’s why you’ve always got your nose up Snape’s ass.” 

“Seriously fuck off! Go continue to lose brain cells with your sorry excuse of friends.” You push the seat back and let it topple over. You mentally slapped yourself, you shouldn’t be feeding into his remarks.

“That’s cute sunshine, I’ll bet you have a hard time standing up for yourself in every aspect of your pathetic life. Do better.” Mattheo smugly said, smoking the cigarette that was in his hand.

You opened your mouth to speak but decided against it, you ended up just flipping him off. He did the same, giving you an annoyed look. You took the seat next to Hermione in the front of the class. Ugh! That Mattheo. “Are you okay?!” She asked, shooting daggers at the group, turning to you again “How can you put up with that? We have to tell someone..” you shook my head and whispered, “it’ll only make things worse. I don’t want to be a snitch. It’s already been six years anyways… how can one more year really change things.”

Blaise laughed, “you like that don’t you mattheo? Isn’t she so cute when she’s angry, you like feisty girls, yeah?”

Draco chuckles, “oh he definitely does, too bad she’s a stupid bitch.” The group laughs together.

You could hear them hollering from the back. You tried to calm yourself down and pay attention to the different measurements of the potions you were being taught. Maybe I could switch this class to a different time. You thought, focusing back to the lesson when Professor Snape mentioned something about needing to be in groups of three for an upcoming project.

Before Snape could assign anyone, Mattheo spoke up, “Sir I’d like to work with Theodore, if that’s permitted.” Snape looked annoyed by his interjection but answered, “No, Theodore will be with Y/N and Draco. Nothing will change. I already made the groups, they will be posted near the storeroom.” He gave Mattheo a dirty look.

You could hear Draco scoff but he didn't say anything. Yet. He kept to himself and his buddies while they continued to smoke and do other things to piss Professor Snape off before the class was finally dismissed. I guess I didn’t need to worry about being in a pair with Mattheo. You still wanted to protest against the group choice, but nothing would come of it. You knew better than to go against Snape’s final word. Theodore wasn’t such a horrible person, he actually can be pretty smart and helpful, if you got him alone. Otherwise when he was with even just one of his buddies, he was just like them - a jerk. It was Draco you won’t be able to stand.

“Don't do anything stupid, Y/L/N, and we might actually do okay in this project.” That was Draco himself, walking over with Theodore.

You ignored his comment, “where should we meet and when?”

“We can use one of the abandoned classrooms. Before the lunch break?” Theodore suggested, handing a note with directions.

“Okay. See you.” You said as bluntly as possible, gathering your book. You went to grab the ingredients your group might need. 

“Teachers pet!” Draco yelled after.

⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝

Of course you were the first to the abandoned classroom, you had been waiting for nearly twenty minutes before either of them showed. When they did, they didn’t bother to apologize, though you didn’t expect them to. Even with smart comments from both boys, you finished discussing the project and the presentation at a decent hour. It was quiet as you started to collect your things, Draco excused himself earlier to collect a package.

“Y/N, why is it that you hate Mattheo so much?” Theodore broke the silence, carefully watching you wrap the vials carefully. You paused, taken back. “He’s been trying to get a rise out of you since day 1, why?” He continued nonchalantly, leaning back in his chair. He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.

You quickly grab them out of his hand and put it in your own breast pocket, “don’t smoke around me.” 

This made him annoyed, “Hey! I need those! They keep me calm!” 

“No you don't, you've been fine this entire time without them. I’m not trying to raise your blood pressure right now. You’re fine.” You give him a good look, maybe he was playing dumb. How could he not know? Theodore and Mattheo were best friends; they must have already talked about this, “I only hate Mattheo because he hates me. It’s all there's to it…” I think.

He lingers for a moment after you answered him, there is something else you haven’t said, “tell me what you think. There’s always some deeper reason for this sort of stuff” He rested his chin on his hand. See this is why I favored Theodore from the rest of his group, but should I still trust him? He could use this information against me. I took the chance.

“Over the years I suspected it was just plainly because I was a mudblood and not some perfect pure-bred like you folk.” You continued to wrap the vials carefully. 

Theodore rolled his eyes, “He does have a thing against people with different backgrounds than his own. He thinks everyone in this school should be from a wizarding family. But that’s not the case with you.” He grabbed a vial too, helping me wrap them, “He’s never said anything about your parents or how they’re muggles.” Mattheo would talk about me when I wasn’t around? Why would he do that? You looked into his eyes searching for some joke or underlying lie. There was none I could detect.

You recall the moment aloud when you first laid your eyes on Mattheo, “It was at the train station. Our first year. I remember hugging and kissing my parents goodbye, not wanting to let go of them. I turned around to go on the train and there was a much much smaller Mattheo staring at me with wide beady little eyes that were glossed over with tears. He was cute in that split second - ” You couldn’t help but smile at the memory. Theodore watched you carefully. You straightened your lips, continuing, “ - before he stuck a solid wad of gum in my hair.”

Theodore bellowed, nearly falling backwards in his chair, “Yeah that sounds like him, that’s a classic stunt he’d pull off. There was this one time in year 5 when he stuck gum on the chair of one of the professors before class…I never saw her so mad after she sat down and got up, her chair nearly followed her around!” He tried to settle himself down, “Mattheo always had a thing for doing stuff to people and acting as if it’s all a joke.”

“It’s not a joke when you have to cut your hair super short in order to remove the gum. I felt so naked without my long hair, it was so beautiful! And he made it worse when he made a point to show how ugly I was to everyone in the Great Hall. I even remember you laughing just like you are now.” You pushed his shoulder.

Theodore smirked, “yeah we all laughed, how couldn’t we?! You looked ridiculous before you grew it back out. We used to call you Baldy McEgg-head. You’d get so mad, only making us laugh harder.” At least someone cherished the memory. You rolled your eyes.

It grew quiet again, “have you ever met Mattheo’s parents? Has he ever talked to you about them?”

“No. I’ve never met them. He’s never really talked about his parents or his life outside Hogwarts. I don’t think he’s on great terms with his dad. He always stayed with them during the breaks, and wasn't ever allowed to spend it with us or here at hogwarts. He missed out on a lot of important hang outs. I wished he was there for them” Theodore explained, he sounded disappointed and angry.

“Do…do you think he’s jealous of my home life? The affection I was receiving in front of him at the train station…” 

He thinks for a moment, “I suppose it could be a possibility…hard to tell. He doesn’t allow himself to show too much emotion, again, probably has to do with the way he must have been raised.”

You wanted to do more research into Mattheo’s family…but how? “Thanks for this Teddy. You’ve given me a lot to think about.” You finished packing everything into your bag. Before you left you tossed him back his pack of cigarettes, “see you later.”

⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝

You let out a sigh of relief, to be alone once again. Mettheo Riddle, what secrets do you hide? You made your way to the library instead of the Great Hall. After a few hours of searching around the library, you finally find a section of massive thick old leather bound books. You blew on the covers, these books contained a record of all the wizards and witches that had attended Hogwarts. Kind of like a yearbook, but it told you what came of them. Who married who, what did they end up doing after Hogwarts, etc. a rare but quite the gem of a find. “R… R.. R” you whispered, touching the book ends. You look at the bottom of the bookshelf finding the one that contained the last names that began with R. You found it, and you began to look through for the name “Riddle.”

Just as you got to the last name, you felt a wave of shame. You were snooping into somebody’s life. Their history. This is wrong. If Mattheo wanted to talk about his home life, surely he would have. He was hiding something. There were heavy slow footsteps coming around the corner of the aisle. You snapped the book shut holding it behind you and you looked at the section opposite of where you just were. Mattheo, they were his steps, you could tell. 

“Of course you’d be in the library doing nerd stuff.” He doesn’t sound happy, but also when is he truly ever?

You looked at him then around yourself, “who me? A nerd for being in the library?” I mean he wasn’t wrong but ..yeah. You still point at him, “Where are you then? Because it seems to be you’re also in the library with…” you fake gasp, “...Me! Making you a nerd too!” You hoped that confused him, you shifted the leather book behind your back. It was getting heavy by the second.

“I’m ditching classes to smoke,” He takes a rip of a cigarette that was nearly at its end, he blows the smoke in your face. “Nerd.”

“Whoop-dee-doo what a stellar insult Mettheo. I’m a ravenclaw. What did you expect? I’d rather be a nerd than a-” You took a step closer to him squinting then widening your eyes in horror, “oh my god Mattheo did you lose a tooth from all that smoking?” He quickly shoved his pinky into his mouth feeling his teeth in a panic. If there was one thing he cared more about than cigarettes it was keeping up with his good looks. Uh did I just describe him as good looking?

He actually laughed once he finished counting his teeth, “They’re perfectly fine. I care about taking care of myself, unlike you. How often do you wash yourself? I doubt you even brush your hair. I did you a favor when you had to cut it off. You have no sense of style, even with a selection of uniforms! Why do you dress like it’s winter all year? You dress like a peasant from the 1820’s”

Okay ouch, that kinda hurt. You’ve been insecure with your body, you always struggled with that. Dressing in sweaters helped hide it. You didn’t know how to respond, maybe he's right. You couldn’t stand up for yourself to save your life. You just shoved his shoulder with your own and walked past him. 

Matthew continues to follow you, “did you just shove me you twat?” He snatched the book out of my arms holding it a ways away from you, “If you’re going to do sneaky shit, don’t do it so obviously. Is this a diary or something?” Your eyes widened trying to take it back, but he held it up high above his head easily with one hand.

“Yes! It’s my diary, it’s where I gush about the god almighty perfect Mattheo!” I sarcastically said, still hoping he wouldn’t look at the title of the book. “No stupid! I dont have one, I just got done working on the potions project with your buddies. Hand me back the book.”

“Oh I bet you three had lots of fun. Did you talk about me while you were there? Did you talk about how you can’t take your eyes and mind off of me? You’re clearly obsessed, following me around like a love sick puppy. You pop up wherever I happen to be.” 

“Ew no never.” You fought your expression back, did Theodore tell him something? Fuck. “Draco left, it was just Teddy and I. we spent it kissing the whole time. Super carefree. His lips surprisingly didn't taste like cigarettes, they were pretty sweet.”

Mattheo’s smug smirk fades even before you finish your sentence. He hated how you used a nickname for his friend. He despised the thought of you kissing anyone, especially his mates, “fucking liar. THEODORE, not TEDDY, doesn’t like you. He just tolerates you because he has to. He wouldn’t be caught dead kissing you. You’re disgusting and I pity anyone who has the displeasure of touching you in any way other than to harm you. 

You hold your hands up, “woah woah woah, whatever makes you sleep peacefully at night. Why else did Teddy take me to an abandoned classroom, it was our chance to get away together especially after Draco conveniently left.” You couldn’t believe you were lying through your teeth, this would forsure come back and bite you in the ass even harder. You haven’t even had your first kiss yet. You haven't even been romantically linked with anyone before. 

“Stop fucking calling him Teddy, it’s Theodore!”

“Can you guys get a room or SHUT UP! For Merlin’s Sake” A random student yelled out at us. Slamming their hand on the table. You were embarrassed because you took pride in keeping the library a sacred place to study or relax.

“Piss off. Go find a room of your own instead of listening to us talking. You must be a first year, if you’re still so sensitive to other’s voices in the library.” He continued to raise his voice, “We’ve been like this for years! Blah blah blah!!”

“Stop it Mattheo.” You shove him again, mouthing to the student, I'm very sorry. With the distraction you go and grab the book in Mattheo’s hand but he quickly readjusts his grip.

“You don’t have to apologize for me, sunshine. You should apologize to him for your existence, do everyone a favor will you?” He finally looked down at the title of the book, Who Were They and Where They Now?: Hogwarts. He carefully used a single finger to pry it open to where the fabric bookmark was, immediately seeing his own surname. He gives a manic laugh looking up at your face and slamming the book down to the floor, “you stalker. You are obsessed with me.” 

He lunged at you. You took a step back, you hit the shelving. Your heart was beating so fast you thought you would pass out from the red handed guilt. 

“What kind of information were you looking to find huh?” He pointed a finger at me, his eyes ice cold. Looking to murder. Your head suddenly hurt, there was a high pitched ringing that wouldn't stop. You went to cover your ears to find some relief but Mattheo grabbed you and shook hard, “what the FUCK did you think you would find? Tell me. Tell me NOW!” You didn’t know what to say he just stared hard at you, his nails digging into your arms. You winced. He began to speak fast and harshly as if he knew, as if you had said something. 

“Did you really expect you would find out that I had a happy home? Do you think I’m happy being born in some dingy hovel? Do you think I'm overjoyed to be related to and be abused by my father? He beat me black and blue and hated my existence. My mother just sat there silently watching. She doesn’t care. Would YOU be thrilled knowing that you came from a long line of dark wizards who’ve caused pain and suffering to people for centuries.” 

You began to cry, “Mattheo..”

“You honestly think I would be so proud of that to tell everyone?” He scoffed.

“Mattheo you’re hurting me…”

“I. Don’t. Care.” His deep brown eyes didn’t leave yours, “you should have minded your own business. Stupid girl prying into my history. What do you care? Did you think I'd be less of a jerk to you if I had a perfect loving family like yours? ”

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry! I .. I.”

“Shut up. You don't get to speak. I don't need you feeling sorry for me, I can handle myself. This is probably the worst you’ll ever experience.”

“Y-You’re right. I’m.. I’m grateful I never had to e-endure that” You were one stuttering mess. 

He moves one hand to cup your mouth to shut you up again, “what did i say. I don't want to hear another word out of your mouth.” He rose the other up threateningly. 

You closed your eyes. Do it Mattheo. Please. I deserve it. I’m sorry I tried to pry. Do it. He was surprised by your offer and looked at you in confusion, his expression didn’t change though. “What kind of sick request is that?” You open your eyes again to meet his. Both of you were in disbelief, did he just-? “Why would you want me to beat you? Because you feel bad for me? I don’t want nor need your sympathy. Trying to act like a saint that's willing to be my punching bag whenever I want.” he scoffed, letting your mouth free, taking a single step back away from you.

“Then why are you so mean to me? Tell me that. When I first laid eyes on you during our first year at the train platform, I thought we would be friends.” You wrapped your arms around yourself, rubbing where his fingers had dug into you.

“You’re a prissy annoying know-it-all goody two shoes that thinks she’s better than everyone. You can’t help but chime in whenever you have the chance and show off.”

“So it’s just my existence then huh, nothing else to it?” You felt your own anger finally rise, you wiped your tears off your cheek trying to regain composure.

“Pretty much. You’re unbearable. You are the most unexciting thing I’ve ever encountered.”

“Let me fix that for you.” Your eyes betrayed you and let the gates open, the flood starting to spill once more. Before Mattheo could get another hold of you you quickly shuffled off, dropping your things. Already feeling limp. Just hoping your legs would carry you a bit more.

Mattheo rolls his eyes, “tsk so stupid.” He stood there staring at the place you once were. Thinking about what occurred when he processed what you said, “Y/N! Hey I-..” He began to follow in the direction you went off to.

Your shuffle turned into a run, you just needed privacy. Anything. Your dorm was too far away, so you went into the nearest girls bathroom and into the furthest stall to sob.

Mattheo reaches the hallway, looking to his left and right. Fuck where did she go? He closes his eyes to listen closely. He heard something faint and went with his gut.

You sat down beside the toilet, hitting your head with your fist. “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.” You heard a familiar giggle, “go away Myrtle. Now’s especially not the time.” 

Bathroom, you had to be in the bathroom. He went inside not caring if another girl would see him, “Y/N? You’re in here, I know you are. Look, just come out will you?” Instead Moaning Myrtle came forth.

“Are you looking for me?” she bit her finger looking him up and down, “we don't get that many cute boys in here.” She sighed, still admiring him, “Nevertheless, shame on you. How could someone as delicious as you treat someone so horribly.” She laughed in his face.

“Shut up. I don't need to be lectured by some depressed ghost. Why are you even here. Go away.” He went further inside the bathroom pushing doors in, “actually have you seen a girl come in, Y/N?”

“Yes!” She said excitedly pointing to the last stall, “She’s coming with me and we’ll get to haunt together. It’ll be so fun to not be alone anymore” She broke into another high pitched laugh, clapping her hands with joy. 

“What the hell is she on about?” That’s when he noticed broken glass from a mirror. His heart drops, “you’ve got to be kidding me…” He rushed over pushing the final door in, but this one wouldn’t budge. “Y/N. It’s Mattheo..” his heart drops and he pales when he notices blood start to seep out from under the door, you’ve hurt yourself. “Y/N!” He says again louder, “open the door! Open it right fucking now! Y/N!!”

You didn’t want him to see you like this, no one should have to see this. You try to hold the door closed but you were losing your strength to do anything. The blood made it slippery so your hand slid down, “M-m-mattheo haven’t..you said enough?”

Myrtle pointed to the glass, “look how eager she was! Damaging school property to break free” She did a couple spins in the air, “any minute now!”

“That’s it. I’ve had enough.” Mattheo raised his wand and shot a blast at the lock, it broke open and he flung the door open to reveal you laying on the floor. His heart seemed to stop completely. “Shit! Dammit! Y/N!” 

The blast frightened you, “No. Mattheo. No.” You could only make out his dark curly haired head. You tried to swat him away before losing consciousness due to blood loss. 

Professor Snape rushed in after hearing a blast, “what the bloody hell is going on in here, Mr. Riddle.”

Mattheo looked at him with an angry and panicked expression, “I need her in the infirmary right now.” He said through gritted teeth. He leans over you, grabbing a large bunch of toilet paper and quickly kneels next to you. Applying pressure on your bleeding left wrist.

Snape understood immediately, “Keep the pressure on the wrist, Riddle.” He was able to pick you up easily, but he was not enthusiastic about having your blood staining his robes, “with HASTE Riddle! Follow me!” And off they went to the infirmary. Once there Snape quickly laid you on a bed gently before Madame Pomfrey took over. 

She was able to stop and clean the bleeding, while she examined the cut striation she asked both Snape and Mattheo what blood type they were, “The girls lost too much blood, she needs a transfusion.” She began to stitch the wrist, the cut was near vertical to the veins. 

Mattheo in a less than a split second looked at Pomfrey, “Am I able to donate for her.” He didn’t say it as a question, he wanted it to be a command. 

“As long as you share the same blood type then yes, sweetheart. Please, fresh blood is much better. We can’t wait more time, Ms. Y/L/N is so terribly pale. She can have a seizure any minute if we dont get more blood to her brain” still carefully pulling at threads. His hand was still holding yours. 

He nods impatiently, less talking, more action. “I’m AB-” he gulped. One of the rarest blood types in the world, “what type is she?” he began to roll up his sleeve even before Pomfrey was able to respond.

“Goodheavens! Thank Merlin. She’s AB- as well!” She sighs looking up at the ceiling for a split second, calling for a nurse to help set up the transfusion. He took a seat on your left, watching the nurse insert a needle into each of your arms. He didn’t flinch, but he gave her a threatening look when she inserted a needle into your arm, thinking she would bring more pain to you. 

Madame Pomfrey stood up, finished. “If it was with a straight razor and not a glass shard, I don’t think i would have been able to-” she let her voice die down after seeing how pale Mattheo began to look too, she shut her mouth as to not worry him more with what the other alternative was. He couldn’t hide his guilt. His eyes were alternating between your face and his blood that was slowly running into your body through a single tubing. He desperately needed it to go faster. 

“Is there a chance she would wake up with problems with her veins or her nerves?” He asked.

Pomfrey patted the boy's shoulders, “Let’s hope not, let’s hope they hold. With the basics in place, there’s nothing a little magic can’t help.” This eased him, “Ms. Y/L/N wont wake for a couple of hours. She needs to be watched to make sure she doesn’t rip my stitching job or we will go back to square one my boy. Can I trust you?”

“Is that really a necessary question?” He bit his tongue, “Sorry, yes I will watch over her. I need to be here when she wakes up.”

“Best she gets a psychiatrist too, but that's a later issue to address. We’ll focus on physical healing for now.” Pomfrey looked at Mattheo curiously, isn’t this one of the trouble-making slytherin boys? She shook her head and walked out to attend to another student.

“Y/N i’m here.” He studies your face, deep with regret and guilt. He holds your right hand tightly, he whispers softly, “it’s okay, you’re going to be alright..”

“Riddle.” Snape was still watching everything from the shadows of the room, “What happened to my best student, why is he in this condition?”

“It’s my fault, Professor…I was making a fool out of myself. I was treating her like hell… it went too far. She must have had a breakdown and she-” he couldn’t bear to describe your condition out loud.

Snape held a hand up to silence him from saying more, “rather than giving you detention for the rest of your time here at Hogwarts. I will need you to attend all the girl’s classes she will be missing in her recovery. She must not fall behind.”

“Yes sir, I understand. I’ll do it.” 

Snape turned to leave but came back toward the boy and yanked the cigarette box from his uniform pocket, “none of these for you either, especially as you are sharing blood with Y/N. She never liked you smoking.” and off he turned around to change his own robes from the blood.

“Anything for you.” he whispered towards you, “please wake up soon.”

⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝

You began to stir, your eyes fluttering open. You looked around in a panic. You were incredibly sore, especially your left wrist. It stung badly. Mattheo had fallen asleep in the chair when he jolted awake to the sound of your movements, “Calm down, relax, you’re in the infirmary. You’re safe.” He couldn’t help but feel like he just lied about it being safe, if he was the cause of this.

“M…m..Mattheo” You began to cry again, “I’m so sorry.” You went to reach out and hug him but flinched. You followed the red transfusion line to him, “oh Mattheo.”

He sat up to lean towards you. He shushes you and wipes your tears with the back of his hand, ‘you need to calm down and take it easy, princess. You’ve lost a lot of blood and you're still weak. This is just to bring your levels up, you’ll start to feel better soon.”

You stared at his beautiful eyes, ones that had held so much hate but there seemed to be no trace of it now. You felt guilty, I acted like a coward. “Myrtle said it was going to be quick and painless. I’m so stupid I couldn’t even do it right.” You felt another wave of tears coming but  you tried to choke them down.

“No youre not, you’re not at fault.” He couldn’t help but chuckle cautiously as what he was about to say, “you might be a know-it-all but you just need to have more control with your thoughts. Don’t listen to Moaning Myrtle. Don’t be hard on yourself, you're not stupid. You did nothing wrong.”

“I thought I was doing you a favor.” you were so exhausted. But you needed to get this out before you lost consciousness again. With your good arm you help his hand tightly, looking him in the eyes again to emphasize the point you were going to make, “Mattheo, I really am idiotic. I Am. I did think you had a perfect life, it didn’t cross my mind that you had it any other way. You were always carefree and just let's be honest, acting like you're’ better than everyone else. It was wrong of me to have assumed that.”

He frowns. “Don’t apologize. There’s no way to tell what someone is going through ultimately. I..cope in my own way.” He softly strokes your cheek with this thumb.

If it wasn’t for the pain, you would have thought you were asleep. Dead. Or in purgatory. A realm between realms. No way the mattheo I’ve known my whole life is sitting beside me looking..lovingly at me? You felt horrible. Did I just manipulate him into caring about me? Just hours ago he was mocking and saying nasty things as usual. 

Mattheo could see the look of disbelief in your eyes from the way he was behaving, “Y/N. I’m caring for you. No you’re not dreaming or in some other realm. You’re here, with me, thank Merlin. You didn’t manipulate me, you woke me up.”

You sat up too quickly for your own good, your head feeling light “How are you doing that?” 

He shook his head, “Another time. I’m really sorry for how I treated you. You think I’m just some asshole, but I'm more than that really. I want to be more than that. No one else has gotten to see the real me.”

“Mattheo, I see you.” Despite your pain, you reach out to cup his face between your hands. For a second, you saw the boy you first laid your eyes on that first year at the train station. The same sad eyes, “I see you.”

He sighed into your touch, it was a soft and innocent gesture he was not used to. He chuckled softly, and gently placed his hands over yours, keeping them there. He didn’t want to lose the touch, “I know you do, and that’s exactly why I'm afraid.”

You couldn’t help but imagine - how different our lives could have been for the last 6 years, if he would have just introduced himself to me. Explained why he looked so pained when I was with my family. “My parents would have welcomed you as their own” you explained your thoughts to him. “I could have protected you. You could have visited me during the holiday breaks. I know saying it will not change the past and what has happened to you. But I see you Matty.”

“yeah..it’s too late to change the past, I should’ve but I didn’t think you’d understand. It doesn’t excuse the way I treated you all these years, Y/N.” His voice got shaky, his eyes starting to water. He was a mess.

“No, don't you start Mattheo please, baby.” You brought him into a hug, again ignoring your throbbing wrist. “Easy now.” you soothed the curls that were behind his neck. They felt so soft.

Mattheo rested his head on your shoulder and held you tightly, softly crying into you. He wrapped his arms around you and held onto your shirt like he was afraid to let go. He couldn’t remember the last time someone treated him like this, it felt so new and overwhelming.

You kissed the top of his head, inhaling - cigarettes. You hated that he smoked but at this moment the smalle was comforting. He let out a deep sigh. You broke the hug only because you scooted over on the bed, and tugged him to lay beside you. We watched you, he looked so tired. He nodded in agreement with a small smile, he carefully laid beside you, making sure to be careful of your condition.

You gave him a reassuring look that wasn’t hurting you. I’m okay. You looked at your arms touching side by side, still connected by the tubing. You couldn't help but laugh, “Matty isn’t it ironic? All this pure-blood and mudblood talk and look” you carefully lifted the tube, “we’re still one and the same foundation.” You smiled at him, helping wipe his tear stained cheeks now. “Thanks for your donation to me.”

He too couldn't help but grin back at you. He couldn’t believe you weren’t pushing him away for how he treated you, or for how vulnerable he was at the moment, “any time, but please actually don’t do that ever again. You made me worried to death..”

“No I won’t. Pinky promise.” You held out your pinky for him to take. 

He took it in his own nodding, “good, you’re stuck with me now.”

With our pinkies still woven, you  looked at the size difference. You turned toward his Bambi like eyes, “let's start this over on the right foot. Better late than never? Hi i’m Y/N, [insert some fun facts about yourself].”

Mattheo smiled more widely, blushing his pinky did make yours look kiddish. It was adorable. He gave you a playful look, smirking at you like he usually would, “Nice to meet you there, Y/N. I’m Mattheo, the sexiest guy you’ll meet in Hogwarts.”

There’s my Mattheo. “And you promise to…?” you coaxed him.

He gave your pinky another squeeze, “to try to be nice and kind to you, and avoid bullying you….as well as to not smoke in your presence…you happy?”

You kind of nodded, holding in your laugh, “aaaand…?”

He looked at you, trying to read what you wanted him to say. He gave your pinky another, slightly rougher, squeeze. “And I promise not to throw a wad of gum into your beautiful hair?”

“Bingo. Mr. Riddle, that’s what I was ultimately looking for.” You let go of his pinky, “but it is nice to know the other stuff too.” you waved your hand like it was nothing, but it was my everything. He gave you a sarcastic scoff, he liked that you were still acting like your old self too. 

You kissed his cheek and his face went redder than a cherry, you acted shocked “woah did I just make Mattheo, the sexiest guy in Hogwarts BLUSH?!” You slapped your hands against your cheeks in play disbelief, slightly regretting the pain it brought to your arms. He quickly shook his head and blushed even more than originally thought possible, he tried to hide his face away from you, “S-shut up! That’s a lie! I was not blushing, it’s just your imagination.”

You laughed at his reaction, taking his hand in mine once more comparing the hand sizes. You put my head against his shoulder, before dropping your jester attitude. Making him form another pinky promise with you. “Mattheo, I promise to be there for you. I want to protect you. You shouldn’t live in the shadow of your home life, especially not alone. Just as much as I’m stuck with you. You’re stuck with me. That’s my promise to you.”

His heart beat fast, it nearly melted his heart to hear your promise. He let out a deep, shaky breath. He couldn't stop the small tear that rolled down his cheek, he didn’t bother wiping it. He just leaned his head down to rest on your own, “deal…”

There was a pause, before you spoke up again.“I know we just started the year but please, come back home with me this Christmas holiday when it rolls around.” You blinked up at him. You started to feel really sleepy, that was to be your last request and plea for the moment, “I’ll show you how muggles get down to holiday business.”

Mattheo looked down at you and smiled softly, as your eyes were struggling to stay open, “yea sure, i’ll spend the holidays with you” he wasn’t sure how he would, but he would worry about that later.

Many promises were made this day, and you intended to keep each and every single one of them. In many ways, you knew this would still be the same Mattheo you had always known, but it would all be so different now. You managed to break through his extremely guarded shell, the hardest way possible. But it needed to desperately be broken.

You turned Mattheo’s head to look at you, he met your gaze. The corner of his lip curled up as he knew what you were about to do. He let you take the lead, closing his eyes. You kissed his lips slowly, cherishing how it felt. You wanted more of him, but your body was pleading for rest. You hugged his arm and surrendered.

He couldn’t help but touch his lips afterwards with his fingertips. He watched as you gave in to exhaustion, he followed your lead and let out a deep sigh before closing his eyes, “Goodnight princess.” Mattheo fell asleep to the sounds of you breathing and the sound of your heartbeat, they would surely become one of the most blissful lullabies to be heard by him. He intertwined his fingers with yours, he wouldn’t ever let go.

[rulerzreachf4n7]

I'm sorry but I fucking hate proshippers so much so here's a whole post dedicated to shitting on them

also disclaimer YES I will be tagging the proship and anti proship tags so I can piss off the chronically online basement dwelling idiots :) and idgaf if proshippers have trauma cause it's not an excuse for their shitty and problematic actions!!!! Sincerely if you are a proshipper please consider jumping off a bridge!! Or at the bare minimum take a shower cause ew

And this whole post is literally just bullying the FUCK outta them so idk stanky people come at your own risk lol

AND AGAIN to clear up this isn't like rage bait or smth cause I fell like some people will accuse me this is all my genuine hate into a long ass post so yeah

Okay...LETS GET INTO THE FUCKING RANT NOW HEHEHE HEHE HEHEHE!!!!

I FUCKING HATE PROSHIPPERS!!!! I HOPE ALL OF YOU STANKY ASS BITCHESS GET THROWN OFF A FUCKING CLIFF AND GET A SAW STYLE EXECUTION CAUSE Y'ALL ARE FUCKING DISGUSTING I HATE YOU ALL

YOU ARE MENTALLY ILL IF YOU ARE A PROSHIPPER, END OF CONVERSATION

I COULDN'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU HIT ME THE "B-But I have trauma 🥺🥺🥺" TOO BAD THAT'S NOT A FUCKING EXCUSE FOR UR SHITTY ONLINE ACTIONS

IMAGINE YOU PULL UP TO A FUCKING INTERVIEW AND THEY SHOW YOUR PATHETIC ACCOUNTS SAYING TO NORMALIZE A 30 YEAR OLD DATING A 13 YEAR OLD, THAT SHIT IS GENUINELY PATHETIC

I KNOW IT'S CRINGEY BUT WOMP WOMP IF UR A PROSHIPPER Y'ALL ARE UGLY AND STINKY

But now on a serious not hehe, the reason I'm making this isn't JUST soley to yknow shit on people who are mentally ill like people who think a MINOR and a LEGAL ADULT are allowed to date, which comes into another thing before I get genuine so bare with me lol

I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK IF IT'S FICTIONAL, FOR THE LOVE GOD PLEASE SEARCH UP THE SLENDERMAN CASE WHERE THESE TWO GIRLS KILLED THEIR FRIEND CAUSE THEY THOUGHT SLENDERMAN WAS REAL AND THOUGHT THEY WOULD ENTER HIS KINGDOM AND BE WITH HIM, AND HE'S FICTIONAL, THAT CASE IS ALL Y'ALL NEED TO REALIZE FICTION CAN AFFECT REALITY AND I HAVE SM MORE REASON TO BACK THIS UP BUT I'M TOO LAZY TO TYPE IT OUT 😭

Okay! Back to seriousness I just thought I'd add that in as a little addition hehe >_<

So, like I said before, I lowkey just added this as an extra part cause I couldn't shit on proshippers FOREVER (lowkey bcuz I was running out of insults n threats lol)

Nonetheless I have a reason for shitting on them, although not being a proshipper EXACTLY I have been through I guess, similar paths as they have? Best way I could describe it ig, ofc not sharing what I mean since it's private but let's just say I was an unfortunate child looking at inappropriate comics 🙁

The reason for this part of the post...ITS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD TO STOP WHAT YOUR DOING

Like I said, I was never a proshipper, but I have been in similar situations as they have been, although I've never made an account glorifying rape, SA, grooming, pedophilia, I can just assume what I would do in their places

Dear proshippers,

Your probably complaining and not knowing why your getting so much death threats and harassment along with a side of hate (rightfully so you deserve them) and your mental health might be low

Please know it is your fault for making your accounts in the first place, you are a terrible person for saying all of these things such as rape, sexual assault, grooming, and incest are okay and you are not mentally well

And your probably wondering,

"How do I stop the hate, harassment, and probably death threats with even getting your address leaked?"

It's simple, DELETE YOUR FUCKING ACCOUNT, or even worse just turn off ur comments but that won't help with people slipping in a few people wishing death up in you through DMS

IT IS GENUINELY NOT THAT FUCKING HARD

I don't know what trauma you have but it shouldn't (and never in the first place) be SO BAD to the point where you physically CANNOT deactivate your account, IT IS SO FUCKING EASY AND YOU'LL SAVE YOURSELF A FEW SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

I know everyone one is different, but if you are a proshipper that has trauma, you shouldn't have a fucking account to begin with, and you ARE THE PROBLEM if you acknowledge the trauma, noticing you keep supporting and glorifying problematic actions, complain that you keep getting harassed and wonder why, and you just don't give a shit, not like in a "oh I don't know what to do anymore!!! 🥺🥺🥺" way, in a "oh, I don't give a shit I live for incest and adults grooming children!!!" Way, and ur also probably a pedo if ur an adult proshipper too

So, what else? Yeah, there's a shit more, but onto a better side, ones with actually good coping mechanisms!!

And a bit of a disclaimer, if your rage bait is proshipping, genuinely fuck you, and if ur a proshipper who acknowledges everything bad about it and just doesn't give a fuck, fuck you too and seek a rope to hang around your neck you fucking pedophile

Okay, coping mechanisms! I know this is probably not the best option due to most trauma which I'm guessing is probably from a family member, if it's not a good way to cope is some clean to your family, ofc under some circumstances it's NOT the best option, but if you can you definitely should try!

Also google is free yk...literally search up healthy coping mechanisms and it'll give you a huge ass list, and yet YOU STILL chose to ship a minor and adult together...how unfortunate...

Another way to cope is, and genuinely sounds pathetic as hell but bare with me...CHARACTER FUCKING AI, I mean, there are therapist bots so maybe they can help you??? And in all honesty they're really good at comforting and giving advice despite being ai, and I've tried it before...yeah embarrassed to say I've shed a tear every once in a while

And the last one IF you have the money, time, and generally the courage, book a threapy session, I cannot stress it enough, but I won't be surprised cause every proshipper is probably under the age of 16 years old

Yuhhh anyways that's all I gotta say, I know it's cringey asf but womp womp to proshippers I hate y'all despite giving some coping mechanisms and ACTUAL ways to like, stop the rightful hate you deserve lol

[sunflowerandstrawberryspice]

Morro: The fandoms favorite ghost

Look what I have for y'all! I heard you liked feral ghost men who are glorified rats? Whelp I've got one for you!

[Before we begin remember this is all for the funsies so be nice]

But in all seriousness I do have many opinions about Morro and his impact on the show and ESPECIALLY on Wu as a character and how we view him. Because yes I do have an English teacher essay for everything lol, anyway moving on.

So Morro is such a complicated character because Young!Morro is very tragic: An orphan who was taken in by a son of this worlds version of GOD and told he was special, shows great promise and potential training his entire childhood for a roll he's been told he's made to fit. Finally the day comes that he's meant to assume his destiny and... nothing, everything he'd ever done and worked for had been for nothing. He's told everything he's ever been told and ever done has been for nothing. And so obviously he doesn't accept this fact doing more and more dangerous stuff until eventually it ends up getting him killed. Which is pretty depressing seeing Morro seemingly wasn't that old when he died.

We obviously know all the stuff he did when he was a ghost, he was a fucking asshole AT BEST a monster at worst. I am NOT excusing the shit he did or saying it was good it wasn't it was reprehensible and awful, but I do kind of understand the mentality he had. He see's this random ass kid get EVERYTHING he ever wanted without trying (we know Lloyd didn't get it without hardship but Morro doesn't) so it's not much of a surprise that he hates Lloyd. Morro is also a pretty good foil/parallel to Lloyd, both were abandoned at a young age before being taken in (by the same person mind you), both trained as children and "lost their childhood" in different ways and both were told they were destined to be the green ninja (only for one that you know wasn't true)

And it's really interesting to me that in the end Morro's death (idk what else to call it) was pretty much a suicide. He gave up. "You can only save those who want to be saved." Were his exact words which are pretty depressing, it's his admittance of final defeat. It's a pretty fitting end for his character, one steeped in a mixture of evil and bad circumstance, after all Wu calls Morro his greatest mistake for a reason.

Honestly Morro is a character I have such mixed feelings on, like i hate him but I also feel kinda bad for him. He make Wu a more interesting character cause we get to see the mistakes Wu makes, which in my opinion very much so mirror the FSM's mistakes with raising Wu and Garmadon. Honestly Wu and Morro are kind of an example of a cycle of bad parenting tbh. Wu was raised with high expectations and still never got his fathers approval (see Spinjitzu Brothers) and so when he was trying to raise Morro he set a high expectation (being the green ninja) and just like Wu Morro also tried to reach this goal he would never be able to achieve. I do NOT think Wu did this intentionally, but ingrained patterns and all that stuff.

But what do I know. I just find these characters interesting and decided to throw my 2 cents in. I hope y'all are doing well, I hope yo have a great day/night! PEACE OUT!

[maevelin]

what is your opinion on how the IC treated nesta in general, but more specifically acofas?

Oh boy...you just had to go there lol

Negative rant ahead. So you’ve been warned.

Truth is I’ve tried so hard to get what happened in acofas out of my mind  and view certain things I used to like even out of context so to be able to still enjoy them but it didn’t work. If anything getting some emotional distance from this universe dampened my excitement for any future project from this franchise and writer. Granted I never considered SJM to be a good writer but at least she was able to work through some interesting characters and dynamics. Acofas negated that too.

And honestly I am so done with the whole thing and it even left me with a bitter aftertaste when it comes to Nessian in particular because the foundations set in that book (if one can call it that) are really something I detest. The insight we got into Cassian’s mind made me so angry and I noped out completely.

As for how the IC in general treated Nesta?

I had some time to think about that and I think the problem is that the previous books and ACOFAS more so have set up an environment where Feyre and the Inner Circle are the moral axis of the universe we are in. If they are objectively right or wrong does not matter because they are right no matter what. It is very unsettling for me to have to get into a book that exists on that foundation. 

At the beginning the characters in question, Feyre, Rhysand and so on were treading more realistic lines between right and wrong. Some of those lines were blurred. They were morally grey characters too given what the situation demanded from them and that was the allure of their dynamic as characters and as relationships but as we got more books with them they became more and more bland and their perspective was limited to the trope of the perfect shiny hero and they became dogmatic when it came to that. They knew what was the best for everyone. They could do no wrong even when they did. There were no repercussions to their mistakes. They are not to be called out for their behavior because their behavior is always correct (even when it is not and not just concerning Nesta but on many fronts).

We are at a point where their moral code is by default what creates what is right and wrong and the narrative acknowledges that directly and indirectly. So the readers are meant to accept that what Feyre does is morally right and doesn’t get to criticize her actions and the actions of the Inner Circle that many times can be morally ambiguous -at best- but are not acknowledged as such.

I would appreciate it much more if the author allowed the characters (all characters, Nesta included because I am not here to pretend that Nesta is not a hot mess of an abusive asshole too) to be subjected more to objective criticism without the narrative pandering to their moral high ground. 

Thing is that situations where you have to face someone’s trauma can be difficult, messy, ugly even. There is no perfect recipe. It doesn’t mean that your way or helping is always right just because you love your family or your loved one. It doesn’t mean that because you have had your own trauma you know how to deal with someone else’s. You can do more damage many times or you can’t reach someone that is struggling and when someone is in pain many times can’t open up or accept their problem or any help regarding their issues and this can create a very dysfunctional situation from all sides concerned. Toxic even. 

But here from the start the reader is to accept a fundamental truth. Feyre and the Inner Circle are right and they know what they are doing. Their motives, their actions, their responses are pristine and they are on a pedestal so where does that leave Nesta or even a reader that doesn’t accept that reality because their critical thinking gets in the way? 

And where does a character that is not as ‘perfect’ stand? Nowhere. It distorts the picture. Because until that character gets in line with that perfection they can’t be part of it. It gets ostracized even if is in simple things as not being drawn inside a painting.

And what I find even more problematic (especially in the end of ACOFAS) is that this feels very much like a parallel of how Tamlin treated Feyre but most readers ignore that because the former books established that Feyre and the IC are the established moral stance one should admire and anyone opposing that is on the wrong. In reality the moment the writer stopped viewing certain characters under an amoral light and forced them to be the ‘good heroes’ instead of the amoral characters that should have been everything became distorted. The parallels between those characters that are deemed to be doing things wrong and those that are supposedly doing things right are blatantly obvious and the only reason as to why the good guys have the holier than thou attitude and are on the right its because the writer “says so” and that’s not something I can abide with if I use critical thinking. 

Yes these books are not meant to be taken seriously and are light entertainment at best but I feel there are limits to that especially since given the direction the author choose to take the characters towards does not personally entertain me anymore.

I am not in favor of taking an unapologetic character and making them less than what they are only to fit them into a romance and way to work into a faux morality code.

Feyre wants to protect Nesta. She is for an intervention. Tamlin acted the same. In the same way Feyre gets to decide how Elain should give Lucien a chance or how Lucien’s attachment with Jurian and Vassa is silly or how Nesta should heal Tamlin also decided how Feyre should work through her trauma, how she should not use her powers, how she should exist in his court because...he knew better, because he loved her, because he wanted to protect her. And he did love her and he did want to protect her and he had his reasons and all that didn’t make him any less abusive. Tamlin was basically ordering or manipulating Feyre into acting in the way he believed was best for her and their life together. Does that sound familiar or what? Including how Tamlin was providing everything financially for Feyre and her sisters too and that was also taken as a given. 

And I am not here to say that Feyre doesn’t love her sisters or doesn’t want the best for them. I am here to point out the hypocrisy when it comes to how one should defend another person’s free will and choice. The only reason Feyre was able to escape that suffocating environment was because Rhysand gave her a way out. No one is there to do that for Nesta. If anyone did that for her would she stay? Of course not.  Would she follow Cassian to the camp if she had other alternatives? Nope. Surely Nesta is at the lowest of lows and her behavior triggered such reactions because she surely did something bad for even Amren to be set against her that way in the end of ACOFAS but that doesn’t change how the power imbalance is shocking. How Elain had no say to what happens to Nesta because Feyre is in charge. But once more where Tamlin was wrong Feyre is right. Where Tamlin was abusive Feyre is not. Feyre’s trauma was not as destructive as Nesta’s so of course this excuses everything. Not to mention that Tamlin was going through his own trauma too. Not to mention that every despicable thing Tamlin did as a High Lord was no less despicable than what Rhysand did but we saw how the narrative in the end treated Tamlin even after the way he repented in ACOWAR. 

But Tamlin is the bad guy who treated Feyre badly so even if objectively he can be as terrible as the characters we are meant to support are and can be we are still not meant to judge him the same as we are meant to judge the ‘heroes’ because different standards are set. The same treatment goes for Nesta, Lucien and so on. And I am not here to defend Tamlin or every wrong thing Nesta or any other character did. But the scales here are not balanced at all so I feel that for certain characters their mistakes weigh more than those of others. It also depends if someone’s trauma is more ‘comfortably accepted’ than others. It is like you can be depressed and damaged and traumatized but only as long as it fits a certain aesthetic kind of thing and that is triggering me in ways I am not comfortable with.

And you can see the insidious writing too. Nesta’s PTSD is used against her. 

Characters like Feyre are getting praised for overcoming their trauma and for their heroism and get all those monikers of glory but Nesta for example and even Elain that beheaded the King and ended the war are left into obscurity. Nesta was ready to sacrifice herself to give Feyre a fighting chance and was there to shield Cassian and die along his side but you know okay sure. Feyre is the defender of the rainbow and I don’t know what else title she has these days but when other characters do similar fits of heroism they are sidelined and those acts are quickly forgotten as if they never happened. That is a narrative issue because it chooses to highlight certain moments and ignore others.

People know Nesta as ‘Cassian’s’ for crying out loud and escape her house in fear because of him. Cassian that somehow glorifies the mate bond and the age gap even to legitimate worries Rhysand poses because if he didn’t then all of the sudden he would have to acknowledge how problematic is his attitude towards Nesta and their general dynamic. But hey she looks hot despite her weight loss and what Rhysand and Feyre have, suicide pacts and whatnot, is so pure so why bother with being decent towards a girl that as he sees is traumatized, has been violated and is stuck in a world and species she does not want. He admitted that he had been through the same emotional trauma in his past and it took him time to heal but hey Nesta is a bitch for not conforming to the way he and the IC believe is best for her to act, behave and heal.

Is Nesta right all the time? Hell no. She is an abusive asshole. She spends money she has not worked for and earned. She is all messed up and does not know which way is up and lashes out towards every direction.

But in the same way Feyre did the same with Tamlin’s fortune and Rhysand’s but at least she was grateful and in a relationship with them so I guess it was okay?

And keep in mind that what Nesta is doing is deplorable (taking Rhysand’s money, having a past of not treating Feyre right, not wanting to be with Cassian etc) but when Elain is basically doing the same but Elain is ...Elain. So it is okay. She is not as troublesome I guess and can hide silently in the sidelines so the same mistakes have different gravity and consequences.  Again that’s how the narrative is set. It favors certain characters while condemns others because by default it accepts in its core how Feyre and the Inner Circle is the moral axis so the other characters are satellites around that orbit and if they diverge from that then they get crashed until they are taught to gravitate correctly.

I could keep going but I feel like this game is rigged from the start when it comes to Nesta and I am finding it pointless really. The fact that the narrative pushes her trauma in a certain direction so not only to develop Nesta as a character but also pander to certain characters and a certain mentality regarding certain characters. I don’t feel comfortable reading something like that.

If the concern of the author was to push Nesta into an environment where the primary concern would be Cassian, their romance and the acknowledgment of the Inner Circle I am sure there are many more ways to work with that than taking a character’s PTSD and manipulating in a way as to make it less important for their individual narrative and more or less a stepping stool for getting the character to a place that wouldn’t otherwise go and especially more so if they were in their right frame of mind. 

And I am not going to even get to other issues like how I am sure how tone deaf the author is still going to be when it comes to PoC cultures (Illyrians) vs White Savior Trope (Nesta entering that culture as a Queen without a crown that will go through the blood rite and into a warring misogynistic tribe where she will give the solution in the end but you know...’yay feminism’...and then adding salt into injury you will have Rhysand, Azriel and Cassian that have been in charge for half a millennia and could have solved certain issues if they truly wanted given their position and power but now that someone else will do it for them they will still get the credit...but you know...dreamers change the world and all that...but only when it is convenient I guess...).

[precipi-nation-blog]

I suppose I should introduce myself, huh?

I made the great decision of hesitating to make this blog so long that I ended up creating it right in the middle of the Great Hetalia Discourse of 2019, so I’m sure this’ll go swimmingly.

I’m... Uhh... Not sure yet, honestly. I see so many blogs with cool admin names but I don’t know what to call myself. So I’ll just let everyone else decide. Anyone who sends in a request or something can just come up with a name for me, and I’ll pick one that I like.

Speaking of requests, there’s another point to this post:

Rules

I write imagines/scenarios/fan fiction (really can’t tell the difference) for country x reader. I don’t do country x country ships.

I write match-ups as well, but you’ll have to tell me a little about yourself to do that. I don’t have specific requirements, just whatever you’re comfortable with sharing. It could be hair color, height, Myers-Briggs personality type, anything.

I’ll try my hand at aesthetics, but since I’ve had this account for less than 24 hours I can’t tell you how good they’ll be. The aesthetics can be for countries or country x reader pairings, and I guess I can try just making them for people who request, too.

I don’t know how I feel about NSFW. At the moment, I’m not comfortable writing it, and I know that if i did, it would be garbage. Please do not request it. The most I’m okay with doing is a brief mention of sex having happened at some point.

I don’t know how I feel about yandere, either. Personally I’m not a huge fan, but if someone requests it for a character I know enough about, I can try writing it.

Please don’t spam the ask box. That’s just common sense.

I honestly doubt that anyone’s interested in me personally, but if anyone has any questions for me, please don’t ask anything creepy or too personal.

I can try AUs. I’m not opposed to them, it just depends on what you request. Some I don’t know much about, so if you request something that I’m in the dark about but am willing to write, I’d appreciate it if you explained it for me.

Requests can be as specific or vague as you want, just know that the more specific the request, the closer I can write to what you originally wanted.

No rape, non-con, incest, bestiality, etc. Any requests for these will be promptly deleted!

My posts might include swearing, violence, etc. It depends on what is asked of me. I will put warnings at the beginning of my chapters. I will allow requests that involve violence, but it cannot be gratuitous.

I am fine with depicting mental illness, but I will not stigmatize it. Please give me specific symptoms of the illness that you would like the reader to exhibit so that I can portray them properly.

The rules might change or be added to as I go. For now, though let’s talk about...

My specialties

The characters I know the most about/can write the best are the Nordics, the Italies, and Spain. I will still take requests for any character, but if it’s one that I don’t know much about (Greece, Egypt, Turkey), it’ll take a bit for me to get to your request because I’ll need to do some research to get them right.

I’m a big fan of historical Hetalia, so any historical AUs, especially when combined with the aforementioned characters, is right up my alley. You can tell me a period of time (1500s!Spain), occupation (Viking!Norway), or specific event/war/battle in history (BattleofPultowa!Sweden), and I’ll write it. Seriously, I’m a sucker for history.

That being said, I will not glorify war, fascism, etc, but I will depict it how it really was. If the Spanish Empire was greedy and destructive (which it was), that’s how I’m portraying it. 

However, since all the Hetalia characters are the protagonists in a way, I’m not going to make a character one-dimensionally evil to fit a story. People have good reasons for doing bad things, and vice versa. I refuse to demonize any character, because none of them are wholly bad.

Also, if you ask for a historical event/time period that I’m not familiar with, I will do some research, so it might take a little while for me to finish your request.

I quite like the Soulmate AU, but I like being creative with it. You can only see so many of the tattoo or “the writing on your arm shows up on theirs” before you wonder just how far you can take it.

I like the Mermaid and Wingtalia AUs. Generally, I just like writing anything with magic, but if you expect an explanation as to how that magic got there, I might disappoint you. The sources of magic in my stories will vary and sometimes be left unexplained.

I have a knack for writing angst. I’m not opposed to depicting suicide or self-harm, but I’m not doing it like everyone else does it (”I wear baggy, black clothes all the time and slit my wrists and say it’s all okay and hide my tears behind my smile!”). I’m not exactly sure about angst for cheating, though, because I’ve never really written about cheating, and I wouldn’t want to make that fully angst because I’m tired of the typical depictions of cheating.

If you do/don’t want the language of your country of choice included in your request, please specify. I hate Google Translate, so I will always try my best to learn how to say something in another language before I put it in a story without using that poor excuse for a translator. I do speak Spanish, though, so if anyone has a request involving Spain or something and wants there to be Spanish words in it, I can do that better than for other languages. 

And I’m pretty sure that’s it. If there’s anything that’s unclear or that you want to make sure of, go ahead and ask me! I’d be happy to answer any questions. It’s better to ask first and have me clarify than to request something and get it deleted.

[allofmycrushes]

Banana fish ending pt3

The end in a nutshell: Ash reads Eiji's letter and seems to get lifted by his words and excited but he is stabbed by Lao so randomly decides he might as well give up instead of getting help and try to start a new life like he seemingly longed for just 5 minutes ago. I don't really want to see the ending validated, legitimized and made more deep than it is anymore. Most people seem to be desperately insistent to a ridiculous degree that things would have gotten even more ugly somehow had Ash lived. It's because we are used to only bad things happening to Ash during the timeline and also to find an excuse his death was for the best despite everything else but it's obviously a very harmful message for people who have gone through similar things. To be fair I don't think Yoshida really thought about such consequences, she just aimed for the tragedy and big knockdown ending which she achieved but that doesn't mean we shouldn't. There's a prevalent narrative how inevitable this kind of ending was, how it would have or should have happened anyway at some point and the way it happened was at least ~tragically beautiful. People really go all apologetic over it and get adamant Ash couldn't have/get anything in his life ever. It's only real if he suffers permanently and irredeemably forever or chooses his only other way- to end it all. Nobody says if Ash didn't die it would have been perfect and easy from now on but to insist Ash's destiny is to be tortured with new burdens eternally or die is kinda overblown. Such exaggerations and interpretations are probably a fault of the whole story- we get a ridiculous pointless string of terrible things happening one after another and senselessly piled on him. I've been wondering if it's supposed to make us dread he's going to like, get his arms and legs cut off next and corner us into praying for his death as a sweet relief. It feels weird reading people listing all the made up ways it would for sure go wrong: how Ash's life would have been terrible agony all the way through still even after BF affair ended and his enemies are dead, how obviously alone he would have been and how him living means Eiji would have been surely killed, how he wouldn't have been able to move on always fighting for survival, his life one big regrettable waste until he dies unglamorously- just to prop up the argument that Ash must die and it was his best option in the best moment. All other possibilities would inevitably suck, such is real life and especially Ash's. Basically devaluing Ash's life and glorifying his death. Just to come to terms, clear the doubts, the confusion, lack of closure and relief the ending brings. It would all suck Ash wouldn't have offed himself otherwise, right? There's still too much romantisation of death and suicidal ideation and people buying into it. 

 It’s very easy to use csa as a tragedy vehicle. Many justify this choice the author had him made and try find explanations how he just had to, present it as his ~best option~ and what's more disturbing romanticise suicide, sending a message that hurt people don't get a chance to have a life anymore, they are doomed to be a victim and nothing more than damaged goods forever. In their plight to make that death seem better than it is they tell real people who suffered abuse they're as good as dead because even someone like Ash, who has finally everything going for him at the end, is better off in a grave as he can literally expect nothing good from his life and will only bring harm to people he loves as if he’s radioactive.  What's bugging me is people who are constantly expressing how they take Ash's trauma seriously and are so understanding of him and through it of all the survivors but for them pointing out the gravity of it only brings to constantly imply there's only one terrible direction the survivors life is supposed to go after this, how inevitably, realistically it's unworthy of living. After all the bad you get no chance for something different, because after what you've gone through it's a game over. But it's all for good, we write you eulogy and bury you already, that will be your relief and peace. Some people tend to take everything unfolding in the plot of BF like a gospel because it attempts to revolve around serious real life issues, the fact that we get no flying car doesn't mean it's truthful to them and a good and right portrayal of reality. There are many plot holes and what's more important it isn't only real and valid when you die because of trauma.

I realize people want to feel some closure and reconcile with what happened but I don't think it's fair to imply that as a survivor you have no hope anyway you're doomed to be a miserable victim and it's no wonder if you kill yourself, that's the only way you get over it. Ending should be treated at least as the worst option if we are claiming it's a realistic consequence of mental health issues that were not overcome. Except it's not only about portraying things that can happen irl too, it's about HOW they're portrayed, why they get portrayed this way and how the reception goes. There's a difference between "understanding" the seriousness of the issues and excusing, justifying, normalizing, and even glamourizing and in a way approving suicide as only solution. All it does is cement the idea that broken people can’t be fixed, foolish to even try, no chance, they are somehow happier (how?) buried and decomposing in the ground. Ash is not happier, he blighted any potential for happiness and change, he is not triumphant and didn’t "finally found freedom and at peace in death because that’s the only possible way he could do that”, he didn't retain any contentment or good things from life this way either, because he's not alive. Death is not a way of overcoming your past or a resolution of your problems, it’s quite something else. Recovery is a hard process and not as literary attractive and easy as simply killing a character with dramatic flair. But the romanticisation and at the same time justification of death as remedy has appalling implications. My disappointment and frustration comes from the way BF ending deals with real life issues it often refers to, how contrived and at the same time unbelievably melodramatic the writing is.

[scrthaddct-blog]

I’ve struggled with an addiction to opiates for most of this decade, and before I swallowed that fateful Percocet I was an alcoholic. This blog will not celebrate or glorify the addict lifestyle. I am not proud of the fact that I am hiding my addiction, but I am not currently ready to either come clean or get clean. My goal is total abstinence from drugs and alcohol. Quitting drinking was fairly easy, but quitting heroin has been quite the opposite. A big reason I am in this mess is because I didn’t take my habit seriously enough at the beginning. I have gone to meetings and will continue to go to meetings but I have not found them helpful (I’ll get specific about this in future posts). I am constantly worried and frightened. I am always broke and my partner is getting sick of my increasingly desperate excuses. I want to quit but I don’t want to quit.

I am currently in a methadone program but I still use heroin anytime I have money to pay for it, which is most days. I’m a fairly typical case. I hit the pharmacy on my way to work, get through the day, and then start the search for drugs after work. I have two different dealers on opposite sides of town, and they don’t deliver. (Heroin dealers almost never deliver. Most of them are hooked on their own product and therefore try to avoid exertion because it kills the opiate high.) One dealer is thirty minutes from my house by transit, the other is forty-five. This may not sound like much but it is. Taking into account the amount of time they make me wait outside their respective buildings (one often forgets I’m waiting there and nods off, which is fucking MADDENING, especially in my pre-methadone days as I’d be dopesick).  I live within walking distance of my workplace, so it makes no difference where I start from. Best case scenario, it takes an hour round trip. Worst case, 2.5 hours. Both scenarios are rare, as I spend an average of 80 minutes every day en route to buy heroin. (As for the obvious question of why I don’t just stock up or buy bulk, it’s because I’m always quitting tomorrow. Always.) I spend a minimum of $20 for a point (that 0.01 grams), but that too is a rare occurence. I am usually able to scrounge up $30 for a point and a half. For my east side guy, I try to show up as late as possible because he gets progessively higher as the day passes, and when he’s high he often can’t be bothered to open up a flap and tosses me 2 for the price of 1.5.

I’m sure the more financially prudent of you are astounded, thinking to yourselves “HOW THE FUCK CAN THIS GUY AFFORD TO SPEND $30 EVERY SINGLE DAY?” That’s a fair question. The answer is...

I can’t. I can’t afford $30 a day. I couldn’t even afford $20 a day. Back when I tried Suboxone for 3 months, a maintenance drug my insurance wouldn’t cover, I was barely able to find the $11 it cost each day. 

I cannot afford my addiction, so I have to do things I never thought I’d do, things I can’t describe here. I’m sure you can imagine. Things aren’t as bad as they were a few years ago, but I still feel like I’m not in control. It’s unbelievable, the way my mind goes blank en route to my dealer. It goes blank so I don’t change my mind. I am forcing myself not to think about the things I want to think about, like maybe finding a 12-step group instead, or just going home to watch a movie. Every day, unless I’ve truly exhausted all options and have no money, I go somewhere to buy drugs.  

Lately I actually have been using less, but only because I haven’t had the money, not because I am getting help or altering my habits. For the last 2 or 3 months the cycle goes like this: Every other Friday is payday. My paycheques aren’t consistent but I usually receive between $1100 and $1300. Peanuts, I know. The money is deposited into my account at five in the morning, but I am awake, manically refreshing my browser on my phone while walking to the nearest ATM. The instant the money comes in I withdraw my daily maximum of $500 and make a hopeful call to each of my dealers. 

This call is a Hail Mary. Coke dealers might stay up all night, for obvious reasons, but people who peddle dope are safe and secure in their beds, snoring softly or jerking awake with a gasp because heroin causes sleep apnea. I continue to call both numbers until one of them picks up and tells me to come by. I use over the weekend while spending time with my partner. I am in a terrific mood the entire time. I am usually running low by Sunday afternoon so I re-up later that night. By either Tuesday or  Wednesday the drugs are gone and I am broke. I mean completely broke. I spend every cent I can on drugs. And I say drugs because I often grab a gram or two of coke. It’s never been my drug of choice, but most heroin users start doing coke around the two year mark because we don’t really get high anymore - we just feel normal - and the coke gives the heroin a sharp glimmer. Also, heroin is stronger than it was even 2 years ago, and I get tired and coke helps. I like to be awake to enjoy my heroin. (PS: ALL heroin has fent in it nowadays. Unless you’re a filthy rich lawyer spending enough cash to get a direct source, which would be 100k a year, you are doing fent every time you use heroin.)

Where was I? Right! The cycle of addiction that is holding me captive and ruining my life.

This Tuesday or Wednesday is always pretty rough. I don’t get dopesick, thanks to my trusty methadone, but the physical symptoms have never been the bane. It’s the mental stuff. It is indescribable. I’ll try anyway but I’ll miss. The only point I hope you take away is that this depression, or despair, or black hole, goes way beyond the personal. It’s not “I am sad. Poor me.” It’s...wider than that. Denser. It is inescapable. My thoughts seem to think themselves, without my consent. They don’t arrive in full sentences, or even words, but blood-deep feelings, forbodings, certainties that nothing is worth getting out of bed for, that you will never feel joy, or even a gust of mild pleasantry, that you are a fucking asshole junkie loser and even if you could get sober, which you won’t, there would be no point because the world is a sick machine bleeding a massive shit...etc etc etc. I quoted Green Day somewhere in that run-on sentence. Bonus points for finding it without Google or any other internetz. 

Anyway, I call the first day back after a binge Day One, for a few reasons. One, because what else would I call it? Two, it’s the name of a really pretty song by a band called Kyuss. And three, it’s kinda funny because it’s one of Amazon’s core values, repeated over and over by the Amazon army, those poor souls who work there for fractions of what their selfish psychotic CEO hoards. 

Day One. More often that not I make it through, and the second is always easier. But sometimes I do stupid shit. My lone suicide attempt was on a particularly desolate Day One. I woke up in my own vomit and took a shower. Then I called my dealer because I’d consumed all my heroin with my Death Dose.

So that’s a summary of where I’m at these days. Trying to get through. Tomorrow is another Day One so wish me luck. I’ll need it.

[followerofmercy]

So YET ANOTHER of my friends just announced their decision to kill themselves. 

A quick message from me to anyone out there considering suicide.

Don’t. 

It will IRREPARABLY screw up your friends, family and anyone that even sorta knew you for life. My roommate remembers the kid that sat behind her in elementary school that killed himself. My mother just... isn’t right (she walked in on the aftermath. At age 9). You know I get anxiety attacks whenever people that I haven’t spoken to in awhile text me out of the blue now? I almost threw up in a Walmart today. Turns out my hunch was right. 

If you care about them at ALL, you will do the literal bare minimum of surviving for their sakes. Get help. The US’s hotline is 1-800-273-8255 and there’s an online chat at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/. Generally speaking, you can call whatever your nation’s emergency number is and they will get you to someone you can speak with. There is no shame in getting help, real help. It’s certainly better than having all your relatives, friends and acquaintances crying and drinking at 4:00 4:30 5:00 in the morning.

And if you think that’ll prove they care?? YOU WON’T BE AROUND TO ENJOY IT. If you really aren’t getting the care you want/need, get help, or get new friends AND get help. 

Didja know suicide is as traumatic on the survivors as murder? Because it is! You’re killing their friend! Violently! 

Didja know it can cause suicide chains? One person’s suicide can be the last little push for someone else on the brink. Didja know it can cause intrusive thoughts in otherwise mentally healthy individuals? Guess how I know that! It sucks! 

Oh, and sometimes things won’t work out like anyone expects. For example, I got somebody to find my British buddy’s address and call the police on him, from the US. He’s probably in a mental hospital right now. (For a man who supposedly prided himself on being secretive, it was hilariously easy to dig up all his info.) He had a big going away thing planned; sent out an email to everyone he “cared” about, made a discord server so he could talk to a bunch of them at once, got a nice date set up, etc, now for nothing. Because he’s under suicide watch.  I have no idea what’s going to happen to him now.

You think an ocean will stop someone determined enough? A hurricane? National borders? They won't.

My other friend? She actually tried to kill herself, overdosed on something. I found her dad’s number (who was with her at the hospital while she got her stomach pumped) and told him e v e r y t h i n g. 

All those dirty little secrets? All the tearful depression uwu moments? Refusal to go to free therapy offered by the school? The cut scars? Weird religious things? Her girlfriend’s abusive tendencies? Not only did I tell him everything, I wrote it down in a nice little document to hand off to the psychiatrists. Because when somebody tries to take their own life, they have hit rock bottom. It does not get better from there and the secret keeping thing clearly didn’t work. Murderers don’t get a right to privacy, and taking your life is self-murder.

And yeah, I know it’s politically correct to say “die by suicide,” not “committing suicide.” I think that’s horse shit. (Ok to be fair, sometimes there are legitimate hormone inbalances and mental illness where suicide isn’t a conscious, consensual decision. That’s a bit different. That’s getting killed by a disease.) Stop GLORIFYING and EXCUSING suicide. It is NOT okay.

I hated to do that to my friend because she trusted me, but her life and recovery were more important than what she thought of me. We’re all growing up with awareness of mental illness nowadays, and you know that thing about treating suicide threats/attempts seriously? Yeah, that means NOT listening to the suicidal person’s insistence to keep all their urges and attempts a secret. NOT listening to them asking you not to get involved. 

You know, it’s a horribly awkward thing to explain to a 50 year old crying man that his daughter laying on a hospital bed full of tubes is a lesbian in a bad relationship and didn’t trust him enough to come out. He didn’t care, of course, because he loved her more than anything and her sexual preferences couldn’t change that. It’s also horrifically awkward to broadcast my friend’s issues with her mother to her father. She had a younger brother, too. He dropped out of school over this trauma.  

And it’s painful to realize that you’ve been used and tossed aside. We were very close! She drove all the way from Maryland to visit one day!  Anyway, she called me about four months prior to her attempt to tell me that (paraphrased) “I don’t feel anything for you. I don’t love you. I fake it. It’s like a game, putting on a new persona every place I go. I’m a sociopath.” 

I could smell the bullshit through the phone. 

So I told her I loved her anyway, (I believed what she said about the sociopathy, for some reason, and didn’t know how else to respond) and she got so mad because I wasn’t playing into her “See! Nobody cares about me!” act. She started yelling at me over the phone, “WHY DO YOU CARE?!” And I was just like, “I dunno. You can’t make me stop tho.” 

Anyway. She didn’t talk to me for another four months, I wanted to give her space and then I get the phone call from a friend. And I ended up having to organize like five people to give a coherent testimony and grief counsel her poor dad, because he had nobody. I talked to her once in the mental hospital to check up on her and then... nothing. 

We don’t talk anymore. We didn’t get closer afterwards, we completely split. It’s been... 2 years? 

Do I seem angry? I am. I cared about these people, still do, and they hurt the people I love. Do I seem calloused for shunting them off to medical professionals? Probably, but the thing is, the records show that I AM CLEARLY UNQUALIFIED TO KEEP SOMEONE FROM KILLING THEMSELVES. NOBODY has a friend who is qualified to do that. Get help. Don’t rely on people who are scared and very possibly in the same boat. It’s not their fault, but they will blame themselves. Look up survivor testimonies before you decide to take your life, see if you really want to inflict that pain on your loved ones. 

TLDR: Killing yourself is the actual cruelest thing you can do to the people you care about. Murder is wrong. If you can’t find a reason to live for yourself, then survive for everyone else. Call emergency services and get help.

[aardvark-123]

Gensokyo Festival Day 9: Eiki Shiki’s Personalised Guide to Self-Improvement

Too busy for an endless string of spell-card duels, our beloved yama has decided to put some of her wisdom into writing. I suggest you read it closely; even if you aren’t the person each section is targeting, you could learn something useful.

...No, she’s not standing over me with “Disrespecting a divine being” written on her Rod of Remorse. Why do you ask?

Reimu:

Stop pestering people for donations. A polite request is acceptable, but prolonged begging is obnoxious and discomforting.

Remember to ask questions before shooting. You are the natural rival of youkai, it is true, but that is no excuse to bully them without reason. With humans and other beings, take extra care that you do not attack them unless you truly must, since they can be more fragile than youkai.

On the other hand, try to avoid forming close friendships with youkai. Remember that you are a shrine maiden, not an aspiring jinyou.

Good work with that fortune teller, by the way.

Most importantly, please at least try to commune with the gods on a daily basis, and keep looking after the one who resides in your shrine. I will not hide the truth from you: If a high-ranking god is sufficiently fond of you, they might order me to allow you into Heaven or place you in their service as a Celestial. That is an unreliable and manipulative strategy, however, so I do not recommend it.

Marisa:

Stop lying. You lie so much that it has become a habit, your automatic first line of defence in almost any situation. Deception will ultimately do nothing but drive your friends away and destroy your reputation.

Stop stealing as well. Patchouli's books are her own, and nobody is going to take your claims of 'long-term borrowing' seriously. Give her back her books.

You must try to think about how your actions affect other people. The world does not resolve around you, and all the people you have burgled, assaulted, lied to, humiliated and sexually exploited deserved better. They are living people, not just your playthings.

Look, just... Just try harder, will you?

Sakuya:

Try to be a better friend to your fellow humans. Although far from ideal, the witch and the two shrine-maidens are decent people who have at least a vague fondness for you. Politeness costs nothing and can always brighten somebody's day.

Put some thought into your future. Although your power over time is impressive, it will not save you from the ultimate fate of all things. You can save yourself from a long sentence in Hell, but only if you are willing to apply yourself.

Try to become a positive influence on your employer. Remilia's sins are almost beyond measure, and even the many millenia she could live will barely be enough time for her to redeem herself.

Youmu:

Avoid spending too much time in the Land of the Dead.

At least try to take your role in life seriously. Your nature as a half-phantom is a gift, but it can very easily become a curse if you do not strive to balance the life and death inside you. Use the powers of your swords sparingly, your own power even sparinglier more carefully, and heed the wisdom of your mistress.

(I will ask her to make her advice easier to understand.)

Perhaps most importantly, have some faith in yourself. You are not perfect, but nobody is. You are a strong warrior and a talented gardener capable of great things. Do not lose yourself in a mire of self-doubt.

Reisen:

Apart from one large sin, you have lived a largely wholesome life, so keep it up. Be dutiful in your work. Be kind to your friends and colleagues, stand by them in times of hardship and war, and make the time to relax and have fun with them.

While carrots may be incredibly delicious to a rabbit, you must not allow yourself to become dependent. Carrot addiction has destroyed lives before, and no matter how certain you are that you can handle it, you probably cannot. Try to limit yourself to two carrots a day.

I probably do not need to remind you, but in the interest of thoroughness I shall. Do not desert a second time.

Cirno:

You would do well to learn some humility. Powerful you are, but there are many beings greater than you, and even a weaker fairy or youkai could defeat you with skill, determination and a small helping of good fortune. Do not let your strength become an obsession. In the end, what matter are the deeds you do, the friendships you make and the marks you leave on the world.

It is not a sin for a fairy to become a youkai, but I urge you to have caution. As a youkai, you will have a duty to scare humans, but you will also be able to die at their hands (and the hands of others). You must be willing to accept your own vulnerability and your need to cooperate with others, or else your career as a youkai will be brief.

If you remain a fairy, stop picking fights with everybody.

The Prismriver Sisters:

This is absolutely crucial: BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES. Each of you must find yourself a purpose for existing and then live out that purpose with all of your heart. Make that purpose a part of the very core of your being and become She who "Insert Purpose Here". Um, so to speak.

(Mainly for Merlin) In general, please try to act with kindness and dignity each day of your life. Being a good person costs nothing.

Mystia:

Concentrate on your surroundings and be mindful of other people. With the power you possess, it is vital that you avoid singing unless you know nobody will be harmed.

Your friend Kyouko is a practicing Budhhist, so please do not expose her to meat, alcohol, foul language and glorified violence. If you lead an innocent soul to Hell, you will almost certainly find yourself suffering alongside her.

Try to offer a range of vegetarian food in addition to lamprey. While you are unlikely to be punished for selling only fish-based meals, it would be courteous to allow your customers a choice.

Tewi:

Your attitude urgently needs to improve. Whether you admit it or not, you are a devious little madam who delights in causing chaos and misery. Your actions once led Reisen to contemplate suicide. If you cannot accept the consequences of your behaviour in this world, the consequences will most definitely be done to you in the next, and nobody will skimp on the lemon juice when they prepare your cactus bed after your week-long shift in the salt mines. So, seriously, put an end to the "harmless" pranks and start helping your fellows.

Also, flattering those who have authority over you will only make things worse.

Aya:

As a journalist, you have two of the greatest and most terrible powers of all: The power to create history and to manipulate the truth. It is best if you use the former only to tell the truth and never use the latter at all. Lying is not harmless fun, it is a terrible sin.

Try to exercise restraint while you investigate things. I have watched you win spell-card duels without once looking up from your notepad, and you are bound to cause a catastrophic accident sooner or later.

Frighten more humans as well.

Medicine:

You must let go of hatred and learn to embrace those around you. (Although, hopefully, not literally.) Your heart has been closed for too long. There are many good people in the world, many kind-hearted children who truly adore their dolls even if they do not recognise their personhood. Do not begrudge humans for what is in their nature. I, too, am trying to change that, and I know that anger will accomplish little.

Consider getting to know some of the stronger youkai and those immune to your poison. Do not approach them with fear or aggression and do not mask your true personality; instead, let them see the true Medicine Melancholy within. You will find that most strangers are merely friends who have not yet made you.

Yuuka:

Your pride and anger are both far too great. To the humans, you are almost a goddess of destruction; to the youkai, you are the foul-tempered older sister whom nobody really likes. The only true friend you have is the firefly youkai who pollinates your sunflowers. No matter how powerful you are, attacking everyone in your path is an act of pure evil which cannot easily be forgiven.

Remember that, no matter how much fun you may be having right now, violence and cruelty are never worth it. If you bring suffering to innocent people, you will suffer far worse treatment in time.

Also, contrary to your belief, I am not your rival. The only rival I have is sin itself.

Please, PLEASE do not try to become an embodiment of purest sin just so you can call yourself my rival.

Komachi:

Stop sleeping when there are departed souls in need of transportation. As inconvenient as it may be for you, people can die at any moment, and as a ferrywoman you must be ready to take to the water at any moment. The fate of the world rests on our actions, and there will be terrible consequences for every being if you do not pull your weight.

Laziness is a sin, and I will not let my inexplicable fondness for you stand in the way of an accurate judgement. Even you will die eventually, Komachi, and I have borne witness to many sins on your part. Just something to bear in mind when you go drinking tonight.

Speaking of which, there are many herbal teas for sale in the Human Village which will help you sleep soundly. Have you tried sleeping at night rather than through the afternoon, Komachi? Research has shown that diurnal shinigami are among the happiest and most productive.

Lies and flattery are not the way of an honourable shinigami; they are the way of a sinner. If you are to speak to me with respect (which I would strongly encourage), do it all the time, not only when you wish to curry favour. Lies and excuses will only make you look bad and erode my already-minimal trust in you.

A healthy, balanced diet is also important. Your great strength and stamina will not last if you continue to gorge yourself on beer and tempura, to say nothing of the marshmallows which you so endlessly devour.

I only have a large, warm chocolate pudding with a delicious molten centre every OTHER day, so please do not embarrass yourself by trying to shame me.

I have also seen you picking your nose. Do not try to deny it, you will only insult my intelligence and make yourself more likely to receive a harsh sentence when you die. It is disgusting and unhygenic. STOP IT.

Your love of erotic manga is more forgiveable, but I will confiscate any such volumes I find about your person while you are on duty. At least try to be professional.

One last thing, Komachi: When you are next in the Human Village, could you pick up some more parchment and a small barrel of rice? We seem to be running short. Tell them to charge it to the Ministry as usual.

[milquetoast-on-acid]

Sanctuary City pt.5, A Reactionary Post

Of Faith and Family

Major Crimes, S6xE5: Episode Review This was another episode that the more I watched the more I liked. The wedding was way to short and that frustrated a lot of us. Myself included. On the positive side it was absolutely beautiful and hands down the most emotional wedding we've ever gotten. Apologies that this is so late, life and the holidays. 

What this episode is about: Five Character Moments in Five Minutes Mending Fences FBI  (Sharon, Provenza & The Squad) The Church (Sharon & Father Stan) Moments from the Raydor/Flynn/Beck Family The Past and Present Self Sarah: Mateo, Lucas vrs Dr. Alan Redmond Sharon:  Andy, Rusty vrs Emily, Ricky (with Father Stan somewhere in the middle) Sharon & Andy's Wedding

Five Character Moments in Five Minutes

Once again we get some awesome character moments that really showcase our amazing ensemble!

Andrea had just come back from Sharon's 80′s themed Bachelorette party.

Rusty talks up some lawyer shit and Sharon looks like a proud mama.

Julio is very sensitive AF (and yeah I'm slow because I JUST realized the reason why) and expresses his displeasure about calling Mateo's death a murder/suicide. If you can recall he was this touchy right after his brother was killed. Sadly with everything that's been happening in this arc I forgot that Julio's mother died. Love seeing the squad parents rally around him. Both Sharon and Provenza warn him that he's getting testy and he needs to cool it. Andy gives him a pat on his shoulder. 

Buzz's mind starts working like Sharon's and suggest some sneaky ass bullshit to get around questioning the boys without lawyers. And Sharon looks like a proud mama. 

And Sharon talks about how small Jack was and is so happy that she's marrying Andy.

Ryan & Father Mother Lover "I want you to tell me exactly what you told Miguel. Word for Word." When this was first on, those words really struck at me. Because Andy said almost the exact same thing to Sharon in part4. Which really told me that shady Father Motherlover didn't kill Lucas or Mateo.

Questions that need answers: Here is where I am confused. I don't recall the boys ever describing what their attacker looked like. Either Dr Redmond hired someone to kidnap them or he was wearing a mask. Or the boys knew it was him all along and didn't want to tell the police/fbi what he looked like for whatever reason. 

Couldn't the LAPD charge Father Mother Lover with crossing the boarder using someone else's identity? He used his brother's passport and admits to it on camera in an interview room. I feel like they should have charged him with that. But didn't because he was part of the church.

Why does Camilla have only one facial expression? She always looks like she's eating a sour lemon. Hey, I'm going to call her Sour Patch Kid from now.  

The News Reels I've got some mixed feelings on them. I enjoyed them in the beginning. I think that at times they added to the hype, high profile and urgency in the Josephs 3. Not to mention helped push the political angles that were happening through out the case. You could really see some real life news channels, which reflect real life politics in our world. 

This guy is glorifying Marvin Garret while pushing Miguel's family to be deported back to Mexico. Fox news anyone? 

But they happen far too often and after a while I just tuned them out. Your supposed to be listening to them and absorbing all of the different view points. And then they HAD to just add that last reel after the case was over. I get why they did it to give a short wrap up to what happened to all of the suspects, victims and witness's but seriously who even cares about what happens to these people? BECAUSE no one did. They are not the characters that we are emotionally invested in.  That time could have been spent in a much better way by extending the too short wedding scene.  I mean does anyone really care what happened to Bishop Calhoun?

Mending Fences (scenes full of gold)

There is a lot of mending going on in this episode. 

FBI  (Sharon, Provenza & The Squad) "I don't normally say this to local law enforcement but on behalf of the FBI, I apologize." Quite honestly I did not expect this. Please note that it was Fay that apologized not Vega. And what else I love about is Fay has prod Vega to tell the squad they were wrong and apologize himself. Also note that Fay says "I" while vega says: "we".

What actually happened:

Mom: I apologize for being a bully. 

Son:  I didn't do anything wrong.  I'm not apologizing.

Mom: Say your sorry.

Son: mymomsaysihavetosayimsorry.we'resorry.

Sharon laughs at that pathetic excuse of Fay’s son's apology.

The Church (Sharon and Father Stan) "My worries are a lot to let go of."

I just wanted to point out that Sharon is matching both Andy and Father Stan here. She's wearing that blouse from the infamous hug scene but we only managed to see a small portion of it. It's mostly covered up with a black blazer. Buttoned up which is kind of unusual for Sharon. And the way it's only showing from the neck up makes it look like the Priest's uniform. 

I knew that there had to have been a scene between Sharon and Father Stan that would push their relationship back onto the road to recovery. I thought however that it was going to happen much earlier than it did. But it what an amazing emotional scene for Sharon. These two have had such a long history together. A very deep friendship that has lasted decades. And of course Sharon's crisis of faith during these episodes was not ever going to break. It would bend, in the way that it was supposed to but never break. 

What's interesting to me is that Father Stan says he's been Sharon's Priest for 22 years. Which means that he became her priest after Sharon separated from Jack. Which makes me wonder if Sharon wasn't as devout of a Catholic until the crisis in her marriage. She says she's been a life long Catholic but that doesn't always mean a devout Catholic. Could the breakdown of her marriage pushed her to have a deeper faith than she did before? Or could this just be a case of Sharon changing Priests? We do know from what Ricky said that Sharon turned to the Catholic Church for support after Jack left. 

"How are you feeling?" Sharon unloads her burdens onto Father Stan. We get another peak into Sharon's mind and her emotional state. And once again we are reminded of just how much Sharon really holds in. It really felt that she felt so much relief at unloading herself. And at finally coming to peace with her and Father Stan. With everything that's been going on with Sharon (emotionally and physically) these days. I'm sure it's been even harder for her to push through things without her normal councilor by her side. Father Stan has been her rock and has been with her through good times and bad. He is a definite source of support for her. He's probably one of the longest meaningful relationships she's had with someone other than her family. 

"Almost overwhelmed. Not by work or the wedding but my children are concerned about me and they express their fears to you. I can't..." Even when Sharon may die from her heart condition it is her family that is foremost on her mind. And the question that lingers there: "What will happen to them when I am gone?" And I love that Father Stan reminds her that is what faith is all about. To have faith that everything will turn out the way that it should. Whether she survives her illness or whether she dies from her illness. 

The music really added to this scene! It was soft, sad and had gradual build up. Which really reflected Sharon's emotional state in this scene. From a quiet sadness building up to a more triumphant sound. Once Sharon is reminded about the purpose of faith, she's feeling more like her self internally. 

My only nitpick about this scene is that as beautiful and emotional as this scene is. It really doesn't get a chance to breathe properly. Sharon shakes it off, goes right back to work and it's almost as if the moment didn't happen. And the scene cuts rather fast with a voice over from the next scene even before the shot is cut. I do understand that they pack A LOT in these episodes but sometimes moments (especially moments like these) really need some time to linger. In the way that I felt that the ILY scene from last week got a wonderful chance to breathe.

Moments from the Raydor/Flynn/Beck Family

I'm not sure why they filmed this scene from Rusty's perspective. It's a rather odd choice to make if you ask me because of how much we don't get to see. Their are some really awesome family moments that happen. And I love them all. Emily is an excited bean of energy, who seems to get her 'I love my family happiness' from Sharon. Not quite sure when the last time Emily came to visit (presumably it hasn't been three years). But Emily is just as excited about her mother marrying Andy as Ricky is. And I really love that. I had wondered exactly what Emily's reaction was going to be. I figured that it had to be happiness from her role in Sharon's annulment. Emily embraces Andy in a big hug and unfortunately we don't get to see it. 

And there's this...

"This Marriage is the greatest honor of my life." JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! Please Emily tell Sharon that he said this. 

And this...

One adorable sibling hug that also hits you right in the feels. Through the years this family has FINALLY come together. And their a gigantic modge podge blend but they sure are happy to all be a family. I love how much love there is for everyone in this family.

The Past and Present Self

Sarah: Mateo, Lucas verses Dr. Alan Redmond "It wasn't like that." "I don't care what it was like. I want to know who."

Amy just doesn't give a shit here and I love it.

They parallel the Raydor/Flynn/Beck Family. The difference here being that everything that Andy, Rusty, Emily and Ricky do for Sharon. It is because they love her. Unlike with Alan. Who destroyed Sarah's life and killed her family because he thought that she would come back to him if her family was gone. The parallel is how little Alan knows Sarah. Verses how Emily and Ricky don't know Sharon's present self. 

"All this trouble Doctor. Was it to get Sarah Garza back? Because Lucas freaked out when his mother brought up the idea of divorce and she left you? Do you think murdering her son and sprinkling Oxy everywhere would soften her heart?" Another little parallel. And while not in this particular episode. After Sharon divorced Jack, Jack thought that he'd get Sharon back by manipulating their son into dumping Rusty, showing up at her condo drunk, making her jealous with a french girlfriend. Manipulating information out of their daughter to later use against Sharon's boyfriend. Both men did not think of the damage they did to Sarah or Sharon's families. 

Can we end this parallel for to talk about how Andy once again is drooling over his love while she procedes to go full Darth on Alan Redmond's ass. Quite honestly I think Andy has always been turned on by this. And yes even when she had that shit turned on him.

Sharon:  Andy, Rusty verses Emily, Ricky (with Father Stan somewhere in the middle)

Look there’s a visual family divide.

The interesting thing about this scene and pretty much the rest of the episode. Is the division between Andy & Rusty vs Emily & Ricky. Someone around the fandom (and I wish I could remember who) had said that Emily and Ricky know Sharon's past. But Andy and Rusty know her now. That couldn't be anymore truer than here. 

Emily and Ricky have gone through things with their mother and can explain things that Andy and Rusty may not understand. Such as Sharon's devotion to her faith. When Rusty asked Ricky why a church wedding was so important to Sharon. Emily and Ricky think they know and understand how their mother will behave baised on how she behaved when they were growing up. And while Emily and Ricky were off living their lives and following their careers. Sharon was growing as a person and living her own life.  In that time she had a career change, adopted a kid, got divorced and fell in love. That is a lot to happen to a person in 6 years. Your life experiences and the people in them change you as a person. Even if Sharon wanted to be the same person she was when Ricky and Emily were kids. She's not. 

Which brings us to Andy and Rusty. Who know, Sharon is now. They live with her and see her every single day. They know that pressuring Sharon to deal with something is not the way to go. Whether it is Sharon's illness or whether it's her wedding.  Rusty knows this even before their plane's land which explains his "Oh damn it. When is Mom coming back?" to Buzz, when Ricky and Emily walk into the squad room. Andy catches up as soon as Ricky tells him to use him and Emily to lighten Sharon's load.

And Andy gives us this amazing look of quiet panic. Which I don't know about you but made me bust out when I saw this. 

Andy has learned through years of their friendship and romance. That letting Sharon have her time to figure things out inside of her head is a much better way to go. To watch from a far and to be avaliable for her when she needs him. And to let her come to him instead of hovering over her. Because Andy is not a patient guy it must kill him to not push her into talking to him. But he gives her the space that she needs to think things through. Because he understands that's what she needs. While Rusty has absorbed more of Sharon's personality through the years and has just figured out himself that pushing Mom to do anything is a bad idea.

"She's taking her meds, she feels a lot better. Grab a chair. The adults have this. We really do." Love this line and how much this was about the dinner AND Andy telling Ricky that he and Sharon are taking care of her illness. Andy fathering the kids in a way we'd never see Jack father his own children.

We get another big dose of it in Sharon's office the day before the wedding right as they are closing their case. Emily and Ricky pressuring Sharon into dealing with the wedding is putting more stress on Sharon. Sharon eventually puts her foot down and says all I have to do is look great and walk down the aisle. In other words she's saying that she's got faith that everything will turn out just as it should. And she's choosing not to stress about it. 

Father Stan is really the only person with a different perspective. As he as has known Sharon for decades and is still a confidant to her now. So he's got a wider perspective having known Sharon of the past and Sharon of the present. On the other hand which the very wonderful themagicm points out her podcast (seriously go check it out if you haven't) is that Sharon isn't really listening to her children. She very clearly sees that they are worried about her and that weighs heavily on her mind. But what she doesn't realize is that allowing them to help her will also help them deal with the implications of Sharon's illness. That they need to feel needed. So there is a very definite divide here and really neither party seems to be giving the other party what they need.

One thing is very clear is that every single person in that room has a massive amount of love for Sharon. And they are all doing what they think is best for her.

Sharon & Andy's Wedding

Much like everyone else it was much too short but it was absolutely gorgeous and there was so much stuff packed into this tiny little scene. Wonderful banter, lots of love (mostly happy, some not so much) and overall extremely emotional. Definitely a pretty epic moment for our couple and for the show. And also like with the proposal and the ILY, the wedding deserves it's own post. I'll be posting that soon.

What I don't like: The wedding was only three minutes long. I'm pretty sad about that. Ricky and Emily arrive at the squad room from Rusty's perspective. Now the problem isn't that it's from Rusty's perspective, the problem is that the scene starts while we are not seeing Ricky and Emily greet Andy but only hearing their voices. So we really miss out on seeing a giant smile on Andy's face at seeing them. Emily enthusiastically embracing Andy and maybe a fist bump between Andy and Ricky. At the end of the case. I think I agree with a lot of people that it dragged on for far too long. With a rather anticlimactic finish to the case.

They've really gone overboard with this fishing/whale metaphor. If you were to look around Sharon's office you'd really think the woman has a huge love of fishing. When that's something that's NEVER been mentioned about her character. I really think that one piece of whale artwork and that Moby Dick book was enough.

While we're on the subject of explaining things. Greg Lavoi can you please explain the wardrobe choice here? The shirt and the blazer -spot on. But that skirt doesn't even go with the rest of the outfit. Mixing plaid and a floral printed shirt? Could this outfit be all about Sharon's mental state and how fucked up it is right now? She's buttoned up and yet so mixed up emotionally. At this point that's where I'm going with it because it really doesn't go AT ALL.

What I like: While the wedding was very very short. What we did get was absolutely beautiful and it couldn't be more apparent that both Sharon and Andy love each other with their whole hearts. No matter how damaged their hearts maybe they are stronger together. Seeing the Raydor/Flynn/Beck family all together functioning as a family unit. I love all of the bickering, bantering, concern, love and happiness between all of them. I wasn't too crazy about the episode the first time I saw it but now that I have seen it a few times and am anaylising it. I must say that I'm seeing so many things in this episode. Particularly the personal storyline that I really love.

One thing I have yet to mention is the actor that plays Father Stan. Mark Damon Espinoza. In the instances of any extension of the main character's families. This show does an amazing job on casting family members. And I consider Father Stan a part of Sharon's family. Considering her very close relationship with him, one that she's had for decades.

Mary! Who the show may have forgotten that there's a reason why she's been nominated for Oscar's twice. But now we are FINALLY seeing the show actually use this wonderfully talented actress.

[starry-kfics]

when in verona [1.0] [minhyuk]

day 3 of mel’s aroha sweet sixteen! enjoy part one of some minhyuk hs au!

(1.0) (2.0) (3.0)

word count: 1994

warnings: none

“I said I love you.”

♡

"Play auditions are next Thursday!" Your friend Woosoo squealed, pointing to the flyer pinned up in the hallways at your school.

"Okay?" You said, not particularly interested in participating.

"You said you would do it with me this year!"

"When did I say that?"

"April 27th, at 2:48 am."

"Oh jeez, Woosoo."

And so you ended up in the drama room the next week, nervously flipping through the script again. You only had to do one scene, but you didn't want to. You didn't want to be in drama club. And yet, Woosoo had managed to convince you anyway. And you especially didn't want to do Romeo and Juliet, one of the dumbest and most overused plays in existence. In your opinion, at least.

"Next up, Y/L/N Y/N and Park Minhyuk." The drama teacher read your names off the list, and you took a deep breath before walking up to the stage.

The boy you had been paired up with was someone you had seen in a couple of your classes, but you didn't know him very well. He was well built, with messy brown hair that he brushed out of his eyes as he looked up from his feet to you. Your breath hitched in your throat for a moment as his eyes connected with yours, and you were thankful that he had the first line in this scene, you would've barely been able to stutter out a single word.

Thankfully, you had gained your bearings as you focused yourself in on the scene, on the emotions Juliet was having. No matter how misplaced and just wrong they were. Like, seriously, she supposedly falls in love with this dude that's sixteen while she's not yet fourteen. It was just gross, dumb teenage infatuation to you. Not love.

After your scene, you were somewhat surprised to see how much Minhyuk really got into it. You sort of knew that he was into the arts, after all, you'd been in classes with him before. But you didn't know he was so passionate about drama. His voice was strong and clear, deep and resonating in your ears as he spoke his lines.You gave Minhyuk a polite nod before sitting back in your chair, next to Woosoo. Just as you sat down, she was called up to audition as the Nurse, along with another boy, Kim Myungjun, who was auditioning for the role of Mercutio. From what you knew about Kim Myungjun, you could see him fitting the role perfectly, especially with how he preformed. They preformed well together, and you couldn't help but clap for them afterwards.

The next week, Woosoo was excitedly pulling you to the doors of the drama room before first period. The drama teacher was just taping the roles to the door, and kids were already crowding to look at it. Woosoo pushed her way through to look at it, and ran excitedly back to where you were hanging at the edge of the crowd.

"We both got the parts we auditioned for!" She exclaimed, and you couldn't hide your disappointment, which she easily picked up on. "You really don't want to do this, do you?"

"I just, don't really understand the point of this play." You sighed, explaining your feelings to your friend as you walked away from the drama room. "The whole concept of love at first sight is ridiculous, suicide is being glorified as the only option, and not to mention that Juliet is only thirteen while Romeo is sixteen or seventeen years old. It's gross when you think about it."

"Then don't think about it as trying to show us what's ideal. Think of it more as a cautionary tale, warning us against passing lust and youthful stupidity." Woosoo suggested, stopping at her locker to start twisting at the lock. "Or even a comedy, making fun of people who believe so heavily in love at first sight."

"The idea is pretty dumb." You smiled, a small laugh coming from your lips. "Alright, I think I can do this."

"Excuse me," A voice requested from behind you, and you turned around to see Park Minhyuk, politely clutching his book in his hand. "You're in front of my locker."

"Oh, sorry!" You apologized, stepping away to the other side of Woosoo.

She was just closing her own locker, having gotten the books she needed, turning to you with a bright smile. "Ready to go?"

"Yep." You gave Minhyuk a small wave as you left, saying, "See you later, Minhyuk."

The first practice was after school that day, and Woosoo found you outside of your last period, insisting on walking with you to practice. When you both sat down, you found that you were one of the first people there, not even the teacher was out yet. People slowly started trickling in as you pulled your script out of your bag to review and start memorizing.

"You're so lucky, Minhyuk! I wish I was Romeo!" The familiar loud, and exasperated voice of Myungjun came from the doorway, and you saw him and few other boys walking in together.

"Why?" Minhyuk questioned, and you watched them out of the corner of your eye. "You tried out for Mercutio, isn't that the role you wanted?"

"Well yeah, but Romeo has all the romantic lines, and doesn't die halfway through. Romeo's story with Juliet is so entrancing and has so much meaning about how hatred can twist and ruin love, but eventually love conquers it."

Next to you, Woosoo let out a snort at the older boy's words, obviously disagreeing. "Bull." She gave him a side-eye, which he seemed to notice as he changed directions.

"Woosoo, now he's walking over here!" You hissed, not wanting your belligerent friend to get into a fight on the first day of practice.

Myungjun gave you both a lopsided grin before taking the seat directly behind you, his friends doing the same, but much more hesitantly. "Say something, Woosoo?"

"Wouldn't you like to know, Myungjun." She rolled her eyes again, and you were surprised to see that they were familiar with each other. Not friendly, obviously, but familiar.

"I'm Kim Myungjun, by the way." He introduced himself to you.

"Y/L/N Y/N." You replied, and he then gestured to his friends in turn, most you already knew the names of.

"Lee Dongmin, with the role of Benvolio."

Dongmin nodded to you, offering a hello.

"Moon Bin, with the role of Paris."

"Ah, Paris the Perv." Woosoo commented, and you turned to her, not able to contain your giggle. She was right.

Myungjun continued on, not appreciating you finding it funny, "Yoon Sanha, with the role of Balthasar."

The tall, lanky boy was one you didn't recognize, he must be new at your school, a freshman probably. "Hello." He nodded politely as well.

"Park Jinwoo, as the King of Cats, Tybalt."

"Hey, Y/N." The boy gave you a friendly smile, you shared a lab table in Chemistry, along with a few other people.

"Hey Jinwoo."

"And you probably know Park Minhyuk, seeing as he's the literal Romeo to your Juliet."

Minhyuk apparently didn't like his friend's phrasing, groaning under his breath, "MJ, please."

"Anyway, now that we're acquainted, I'd like to get your opinion on something, Y/N." Myungjun spoke candidly, and you raised an eyebrow.

"On what, exactly?"

"Why you think Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet."

"He based it off a poem, right?"

"Yeah, but I mean, do you think it's a tragic love story, or a cautionary tale?"

Woosoo looked to you, not seeming very interested, as she already knew the answer from your discussion this morning.

"Ah, well I personally think it's more of a comedy, you know, to make fun of the people that actually believe in the notion of love at first sight." You admitted, observing Minhyuk out of your peripheral, he seemed intrigued by your answer. "It's definitely not a love story, in my opinion."

"I agree." Dongmin spoke up, and Myungjun turned to him with the clearest look of betrayal.

"Ha!" Woosoo exclaimed triumphantly.

"Bin, what do you think?" He inquired to his friend, who seemed somewhat ashamed as he answered."I think it's a really sweet love story."

"Seriously, Bin?" Jinwoo suddenly spoke up as well. "It's not love, it's just lust and infatuation."

"Exactly!" Woosoo was elated that others agreed with her, but Sanha spoke up for his older friends, agreeing that it was a tragic love story.

Soon, the whole group was turned into a squabbling mess, but you still didn't know Minhyuk's opinion on it. Glancing at him for a moment, you tried to gauge which side he was on.

"What do you think, Minhyuk?" Myungjun suddenly put the boy on the spot, and he looked up to find everyone's eyes on him.

"I'm not... I don't know." He seemed unsure as he spoke, and his friends all started trying to convince them of their own side, the clamor soon growing to indistinguishable yells.

"Hey! Stop it!" The drama teacher had suddenly entered the room, successfully shutting everyone up. "Come on, we're doing our first read-through today."

It wasn't long after that practice that you realized the drama club was divided. Those who thought it was a tragic romance rallied behind Myungjun, while those who thought it to be a cautionary story rallied behind Woosoo. You didn't quite agree with Woosoo, but you definitely didn't agree with Myungjun, so you found yourself with Woosoo's unofficial faction. Minhyuk had assimilated himself into Myungjun's, making it a fairly even split.

At practice you noticed they sat on opposite sides of the room, never really talking until they had to practice their lines. You tried to stay out of the occasional bickering, until it started finding it's way into your classes and the hallways.

One day you were walking with Dongmin, who had suddenly became your best friend since the 'Great Divide', as you had taken to calling it, happened. He was walking you to your third period, and suddenly stopped in the middle of his sentence, glaring at something down the hall. You got on your tiptoes to peer around, finally seeing that Bin was at the end of the hall with Sanha.

"Here, let's go this way, Y/N." Dongmin insisted, tugging on your arm, and you followed him with a shrug. "Mind if we stop at my locker?

"You checked the time, "Ah, my class is still pretty far away, and we're getting our project partners today, so I don't want to be late."

"I understand. See you at practice, Y/N." Dongmin gave you a small smile as you took off down the hall.

You were almost to your class when you saw Woosoo at a locker that wasn't hers, squabbling with the apparent owner of it, Myungjun. You could their voices from down the hall, and ducked into class. In your opinion, this whole situation was starting to get ridiculous.

Once inside the room, you began looking for your project partner, he usually got here before you. What you had told Dongmin was somewhat true, you did have a project in your Language class, but you had already selected your partners. And you'd chosen Minhyuk.

Would your friends be all that upset about it? Probably not, but you still felt somewhat guilty, like you were betraying them in some way. Woosoo especially hated Myungjun's group, which Minhyuk was a part of.

"Hey, Y/N." Minhyuk smiled up at you brightly as you sat next to him.

"Hey, Min." You tried to ignore the twisted feeling in your stomach when he smiled at you like that. "Ready to keep working?"

"Ah, my favorite thing, researching the basic syntax of some random foreign language that I'm not even interested in learning."

At the end of the period, you and Minhyuk had been laughing and talking too much to actually get very much work done. You were disappointed, at this rate you wouldn't get it done in time.

"Want to come to my house after practice and keep working tonight?" Minhyuk offered as the bell rang, and you quickly stuffed your binder in your bookbag. "I can drive you home, and I'm sure my mom would love to make you dinner."

"Sure, I'll text my parents and let them know." You replied, and he gave you one last heart-stopping smile before going to opposite way of you.

[okay so the actual 5 word drabble request will be in the next (and probably last) part. hope y’all enjoyed!]

[lore-of-the-silvereyes-rwby]

Honestly I’m not really a fan of the reform villain trope especially when its carelessly applied to any sympatheic antagonists but done poorly and for me I personally don’t think Cinder should be redeemed and become a full on hero because if that where to happen it would just undermine all the reasoning and causes of why she was a villain in the first place 

In other words making her a hero would only legitimize and continue the cycle of abuse, hypocrisy, apathy, and immorality of her world that led to her becoming the monster that we see today 

I don’t think many people realize this but one of the major conflicts in the series is the failure and lack of care from society and humanity and how they would look for excuses and justifications for any evil and amoral action they take to compensate for their indifference and lack of responsibility

This is essentially what volume 7 was for the heroes. realizing that they weren’t helping to solve the problem but helping contribute to the problem by following the person and social norms that contribute to the problem.

I’m not oppose to cinder turning against Salem in the name of self preservation because honestly if she hasn’t figured it out that she is essentially helping salem achieve the words saddest and longest attempt of suicide and taking the whole world with her than she will soon when she realizes that she’s nothing more than a glorified key that supposedly will help her with that and once she has what she wants she’ll have no use for cinder anymore (if her casual indifference to what happened to Watts is anything to go by.)

So I can see her becoming the token evil teammate for the remainder of the Salem conflict should that happen but after that I would like her to be the next big bad for the world of remnant simply because killing the dark lord doesn’t solve everything as most classical fantasy good vs evil stores and plots do 

Simply put their world needs a reminder and reason to progress on a moral standpoint that a simple kill or conform the bad guy wouldn’t achieve because without that they would be doomed to repeat the same mistakes and create another Cinder Fall or something worse

And personally to me Cinder was always the true antagonist in the show while Salem was nothing more than an overhyped McGuffin that only wants to die and bring the whole world with her out of ignorant prideful spite that is rather meaningless and probably won’t succeed (Like seriously does she really think that ultimatum is going to work and not give her an exact repeat of what happened to her before)

@bardock1991 sorry for the late response on this but here are my thoughts let me know what you think?

Personally i don't think there's been any signs pointing towards Cinder rethinking her actions, it looks like the more she's given an opportunity to change the more she pushes it further and further away.

A sad past and your fan fabrications are not enough. Canon needs to show emphathy for her, and Cinder needs to show regret. These are the magic pills of incoming redemption, not a sad past.

I think it's valid to be of the opinion that "this is how redemptions arcs work, she strays further and further away until she hits bottom" but inserted in the context of rwby i find this scenario to be unlikely at this point because it's been 8 seasons and Cinder has done nothing but gather the narrative anger of fans, mcs and even the villains themselves. So much set up for an ending that should feel adeguate, and to be honest with you a full blown catra-zuko-like redemption is not adeguate to this context. Lives have been taken with no regrets on Cinder's part, from the show we got no signs of emphathy towards her current self, and the only evolution she's done is to become even more manipulative and evil, to the point where she killed her own allies. People may chose to hope (aka pretend she's not like adam bc she's a woman), but the show's been way too clear on Cinder's choice in the narrative. And to be frank with you, i am freaked out by how many people are willing to forgive her and act like nothing happened. The same people were violently hoping for Adam's death, so what happened here? Why are you rooting for someone even worse than him now?

[musicalmatrix]

Flaws in Dear Evan Hansen

Requested by @youll-rise-again 

Kind of also a response to @evanhcnsen @hellagaysaltsquad @havenous 

And the anons

And anyone else who wants to fight (I can’t believe I’m wasting my data on y'all.) 

First off, I want to get out of the way that I actually enjoy this musical. The music is great and the cast is phenomenal. But that doesn’t mean I’m not ready to call out the bullshit, so buckle up. 

FIRST AND FOREMOST: Every time I say this musicals plot is problematic, everyone tells me it’s because “the written summary makes it sound worse than it is; the dialogue makes it way better.” To which I have two responses: The first is I have watched the bootleg so I know the dialogue. The second is if you plot sounds problematic, but the dialogue “makes it better”, that is the dialogue manipulating you to overlook the fact that the plot is STILL PROBLEMATIC. 

So let’s get into why the plot is problematic, and we’ll start with basics. There is something that should rub everyone the wrong way about someone pretending to be friends with someone who committed suicide and profiting from it. I am not saying that Evan didn’t have good intentions or anything. I understand why he did it. I’m just saying. Inherently, it’s wrong. And it needs to be addressed.

I’m having a hard time deciding what order to put these in, but next I think I’m going to talk about Evan as a character. The first thing I’m gonna say is Ben Platt deserves Best Actor because of how well he portrays social anxiety. But that’s about where the good ends (at least for what I want to talk about). Evan Hansen is a flawed character. Extremely flawed, actually. Sure, he has good intentions and stuff, that’s great. But it doesn’t change the fact he lied to everyone and fucked them over. Big time. He fucked over Zoe by dating her after he lied about her brother. He fucked over the Murphy’s because let’s not forget all the hate they got from the world after Connor’s “suicide” note was released. He fucked over his friends by dragging them along into their lies and ignoring how they felt. And last but not least, he fucked over his mother by ditching her. Now you’re all pretty pissed now I’m sure. Here’s the thing: I don’t care. It’s one thing for Evan to fuck over everyone and then be held accountable. But give me one time in the show he is fucking held accountable. Just one time. He apologizes. And then it’s over. They just forgive him. Like he’s so precious and needed to be protected. No. Just no. A mental illness is not an excuse to fuck everyone over. Evan needs to be held accountable. They never release what he did to the public. They never do ANYTHING about what he did. And don’t give me this bullshit of “He learned his lesson and felt bad.” That’s not being accountable. That’s regretting making a pretty obvious mistake that backfired on him. Being accountable would be coming out to the world and saying he lied and taking whatever backlash comes from that because that’s what he put on the Murphy’s. Being accountable is fixing your mistake, no matter how much it will suck. It’ll be hard? Then you shouldn’t have profited from someone committing suicide. Having social anxiety is not an excuse to fuck everyone over and then not do a damn thing to fix it. Stop glorifying Evan. (And I know I’m going to get a lot of shit for this, so please just keep in mind that I would never let myself or any of my friends get away with this bullshit just because of our social anxiety. I sure as hell hope you wouldn’t either.)

So from there I’m going to go into Connor (with a touch on Zoe) and how not only the show but the fandom glorifies him as well. I’m saying this right now: Connor is trash, and I have no tolerance for glorifying him. I literally think I just heard people exploding as I wrote that. But y’all asked for problems, and I’m giving them to you. If you can’t acknowledge the problems with your own show, you are part of the problem. So let’s get into this. My main problem with Connor (and probably only one I’ll feel like touching on because it’s a big enough flaw) is that he is abusive. That’s right, he’s abusive. Not abused. A b u s i v e . Canonically: mentally and emotionally. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if it was physically as well. The proof? After Connor dies, Zoe states “Just because Connor isn’t punching through my door screaming that he’s going to kill me for no reason? That doesn’t mean that all the sudden we’re the fucking Brady Bunch.” I need you to read this very carefully: Even if you have a mental disorder, I will never condone, defend, or even waste my time in entertaining the idea of excusing this behavior. It is abuse. And it is awful. I have heard over and over again in this fandom that “Connor just needed love and attention and he would have be fine.” You know what? I don’t give a fuck about Connor. What about Zoe? Would she have been fine? Even if Connor had gotten better, would she ever been able to fully get over her brother threatening her life? Would she ever be able to trust him again? Would she ever get to a point in her life she believed without a single doubt that Connor would NEVER do it again? Those are the questions you should be asking. Connor Murphy is abusive trash and you’re right: he could have been alright and he deserved to be remembered. But he doesn’t deserve to be lied about. He doesn’t deserve to be worried about more than the people he destroyed. And he sure as hell does not deserve to be glorified.

So I’ve veered off the path of plot flaws and did some character flaws. Now I’m bringing it back to plot flaws, which we will begin with Zoe. Zoe was abused by Connor. When Connor dies, Zoe actually specifically sings a song about how she refuses to be upset about it, because that’s how awful Connor was to her. That kind of harm takes–if it’s even possible–years upon years of carefully rebuilding trust to get over. It does not take some stranger you’ve talked to maybe once in your life waltzing in and saying “Oh yeah, your brother thought you were great” ten minutes after your brother dies. If you think that is in even the realm of possibility, I have to tell you that you’re really fucking dense. A more realistic response to this would be “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but you were never on the other side of the door while he was screaming he was going to kill me. You never had to endure any of that. So I actually don’t appreciate you belittling my feelings and experiences by saying you knew him better than I did.”

Another huge flaw to this show (which has been pointed out time and time again) is everyone’s responses to finding out Evan lied. You’re seriously telling me that the Murphy’s don’t expose him? Or yell at him? Make him pay for the anguish he put them through? He literally further destroyed an already grieving family. And he’s not even going to get punished for it by them? That is completely unrealistic and honestly makes the story entirely less compelling. They literally coddle the person who has made their lives a living hell. And Evan’s mom? He’s been lying to her for like a year and making shitty life choices and using this poor grieving family to get away from her, and she just forgives him just like that? Listen, in my life, I have encountered too many toxic people to allow Evan to get away with this. Being suicidal is not an excuse and should not grant someone immediate forgiveness if they have hurt other people. It’s a hard lesson to learn in life that you honestly don’t want to learn. But for two years I had a friend that (I realize now) would emotionally and mentally abuse me, and any time I would get upset about it, she would tell me she was suicidal. And immediately, my feelings weren’t important anymore. And that probably did more damage to me mentally than almost anything else in my life: having to tell myself I was being selfish when somebody really hurt me. I realize that that is not exactly what Evan’s doing, but it’s the same concept. He made his mom feel like shit, and instead of taking responsibility for it and trying to make it up to her, she found out he was suicidal and suddenly she wasn’t allowed to be angry at him anymore. She had to forgive him immediately, even though he hurt her and she needed to express that.

My next point isn’t really with the plot, but just the show as whole. So the show has this whole “representing mental illness” thing going, but the more I think about it, the more that’s a hard sell for me. Ben Platt does an amazing job portraying it, but the show (as I’ve mentioned before) glorifies his character. I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but being mentally ill does not excuse horrible behaviors. And so what I want to touch on now is how the show doesn’t really represent mental illness as a whole, but rather glorifies one person with a mental illness. And to do that, I want to talk about Alana: my favorite character in this show. Now, I’ve already posted several things about Alana and her high-functioning anxiety. But her anxiety isn’t canonized, and that’s kind of what irks me. Alana portrays all the signs of every high-functioning person I know (and I lived in an Honors dorm and have all Honors friends in college, so I know a lot of high-functioning people and am one myself.) But never once in the show is it addressed or acknowledged. Hell, most people don’t know what the hell I’m talking about right now. But it’s there. It’s real. Alana is struggling as well. But we don’t focus on her, oh no. We only get to focus on her if it’s convenient to Evan. And sure, the writers may not have wanted to focus on her, or maybe they don’t even know they gave her high-functioning anxiety. But if that’s true, then Dear Evan Hansen is not a musical representing mental illness. It’s about a kid who happens to have anxiety. You don’t get to cherry pick what parts of mental illness you want to care about. If Dear Evan Hansen truly wanted to accurately portray mental illnesses, they wouldn’t glorify one and ignore the other.

Another thing about the show is that it’s whitewashed for absolutely no reason. I remember last year that this time, everyone was talking about how Hamilton revolutionized music theater. There would now be diversity. Crops would flourish. Everything would be amazing. And here we are a year later. Two POC nominated for Best Actor/Actress in Lead/Supporting Role, and they’re in the same category. Look at that. We’re worse than the Oscar’s. And the shitty thing is, it’s not because POC just weren’t nominated. It’s because POC simply weren’t in this season. Now, I’m not at all talking down all the people nominated. They’re all amazing at what they do and deserve to be nominated. I’m just saying. There is no reason for Dear Evan Hansen to be all white people (besides Alana, who is hated on almost constantly, so don’t even try to defend this show with her). And yet, here we are. It’s a little disappointing to think last year at this time, we were so excited for representation, but now we’re back to where we started. And I know I’m walking a fine line here because this probably sounds like I don’t appreciate this cast. But I do. I think the cast is fabulous. I just also think the show needs more representation. Because believe it or not, POC have mental illnesses and deserve to be represented as well. As a theater community, we can’t just say “Well, we have Hamilton, so now all of theater is diverse.” No. Most of theater is still very very white. And until we start acknowledging that, it will never change.

There’s literally so much more to touch on and maybe I’ll add onto this later, but I have one last thing I want to talk about right now. And that is the excuse that people are saying of “Dear Evan Hansen is supposed to be flawed.” In a way, you are correct. Dear Evan Hansen is supposed to be flawed in the way of “Is it morally okay to lie about someone who has committed suicide if everyone is better for it?” Which is why I didn’t talk about that much. Those types of flaws push your boundaries and make you really think. That’s supposed to be there. What’s not supposed to be there is everything else I’ve talked about. Evan never being held accountable is not an intentional flaw. Connor being glorified despite being abusive is not an intentional flaw. Zoe forgiving Connor because Evan tells her to is not an intentional flaw. Nobody being able to be upset with Evan because he’s coddled is not an intentional flaw. Ignoring an entire character with a mental illness is not an intentional flaw. Those are ignorant flaws. Those are things that should have been fixed. Those are unrealistic and potentially harmful things to put into your show.

In summary: You asked for an essay, you got a fucking essay. Like I said, I might add to this, but I’m tired and am going to bed now. You can love the show, go for it. I enjoy it too. But to suggest that the show is perfect and has absolutely no flaws? It’s ignorant and quite frankly, it’s annoying. This show is flawed. One would evan say “flawed as hell”. So with that, I’ll end with this. Dear Evan Hansen deserved to be nominated, no questions asked. Despite everything I talked about, it has some pretty strong qualities as well. It does not, however, deserve to win, because of all the flaws in the show that are clearly unaddressed. That might be harsh, but if you put a musical like this out into the world, you better make damn sure you did it right. That’s the responsibility you take when making something this important. And so I will not apologize for “being mean” or “nasty” to DEH. You can yell at me and call me a shitty person all you want. You can say I’m tearing the theater fandom apart. Fucking go for it. If that’s what I get for refusing to glorify something clearly problematic, then so be it. I’m not “hating” on the show because it’s not my “type”. The show has flaws. And a show with this many flaws should not win Best Musical. I’m sorry you can’t handle the reality of that.

P.S. I could write an entirely separate essay on how toxic y’all’s fandom is, but I’ll save that for another time.

P.P.S. Y’all can pretend not to see this. You can ignore everything I said here. You can stay in your little bubble and refuse to acknowledge the flaws. But all of us out here? We see it. We see the flaws. All of us. And we see you, ignoring them. Just a heads up.

[rantsofrandomgirl-blog]

!!Trigger Warning!! (i guess) - I will be discussing mental illnesses and the society mindset to it so if are easily triggered by such topics just please don't read and stay safe.

The credit for this post goes to the creator, I just found it while mindlessly scrolling through Instagram and it provoked my to create this blog and share with anyone my thoughts on this topic.

So, I am mentally ill. Nice beginning, isn't it? When we got this out of a way we can skip to the actual topic of this post. This mindset of people “you have to be miserable to be actually, really, mentally ill”. And oh boy, I have so much to say about that.

First of all, I would like to emphasise the fact that this mindset is not only characteristic for tumblr but for the most of community. At least this is what I noticed. People still have problem with recognising even drastic cases of mental illness as valid and worth attention. So I am not really surprised that when it comes to mild cases of disorders society tends to brush them off as hormones, being weak or whatever hilarious and scandalous excuse they have for it.

So, when you suffer from mild depression, mild anxiety or anything else you are not tend to be treated seriously. As though you are not worth treatment and as though you are not really sick. While in reality you are sick. Everyone around tells you that this is not a big deal. And it does not help with recovery. Knowing from experience it only makes you feel worse. Your own mental illness is telling you what society is telling you. That you are dramatising. That you are not really sick unless you are “the most miserable person out there”.

So to be really sick you have to experience all the symptoms of given mental disorder. You have to fulfil these and these requirements. If you are just kind of sad, kind of stressed out and sometimes you don't eat than you are not ill. You are faking. To be REALLY mentally ill you have to lay in bed every day for months, have suicide attempt and god knows what else. At least this is a message that tumblr sends to young girls.

Come on, we all know that this is not the case. Lets start with the definition of mental illness that goes against this mindset. The definition says that you are sick if any of the behaviours are significantly and constantly bothering you in your daily life. So, the question whether you are sick or not is totally depended on you. What society sees as shines and classifies as, I don't know, not a mental disorder can actually be a huge problem for you and therefore it is a mental illness that needs proper, professional, attention.

So telling anyone that they are not really sick because they symptoms are mild is simply wrong. First of all, who are you to know what is going on in the other person mind? Second of all, you don't have to be the most sad person in the world to be mentally ill. Is like with injuring something. You can sprain it, twist it or break it. All of these 3 differ when it comes to their scale but all 3 of them should be treated in some or other way right? The same goes for mental illnesses.

I want to also address what is mentioned in above photo. The fact that this mindset causes people to sink further. I have been there, I have lived it. This mindset, or actually believing it, caused rapid progression of my illness. When I was young and stupid, okey I am still stupid just not so young but shhhh, I used to scroll through tumblr and read posts from this community. Some of them promoted this thinking. Not all of them, not even most of them, but some. And instead of getting better I got worse. For long time I refused help, I didn't even try on my own to improve my health. I didn't want to. I didn't want to “have the Happiness Privileged and be just another Neurotypical Karen”. Only after few years of damage I realised what I was doing and I broke out of this vicious cycle. But it is still stuck with me. And before I reached out for help I spend hours questioning whether I am really sick or whether I am faking it.  Just, the tumblr also have the problem with glorifying mental illness but this is topic for another time.

Let me tell you one thing, there is nothing more terrible than questioning your own mind while you are mentally ill. The thing is that when you experience distorted thinking you kind of know that these thoughts are not real but you still believe them and act on them. There are part of you and it is not that easy to get rid of them. Then someone tells you that these distorted thoughts (DT) are not valuable and that for sure you are just creating them for attention. So you are just sitting there, believing that you created these DT and that you can easily just not think them. You start questioning your own mind, when even at the begging you couldn't trust it. This is the worst feeling ever. I have no idea if I managed to present what I meant in this paragraph in clear way. I hope so. Just don't tell anyone with mental illness that they are faking it. Okey? Just don't.

Disclaimer! Everyone has their own opinion and story. I am just expressing what I feel and how I, and only I, perceive the world. I am would be more than happy to discuss with anyone of you what I written here.

OMG that was long, I am sorry and congratulations if you read it whole. That was chaotic I know so I am also sorry for that.

[whitecanaryoflight]

It's sad that you love a show that numerous child psychologists have been warning parents and schools about. It glamorizes suicide and that's dangerous considering suicide is the second leading cause of death in tweets and teens.

The book may be red on your side but it’s black on my side. And that’s okay. 

In my opinion, I didn’t see it as “glamorizing” suicide. I see it as portraying the very real struggles teenagers and tweens go through in their daily lives, and how it can pile on people and drive them to do things that they would later regret, such as suicide. They made the choice to make it so graphic so people couldn’t make up the excuse that it wasn’t “realistic” to the real world. They made it graphic and very hard hitting because it’s a graphic and very hard hitting topic in society, but many people tend to make light of it, and I’m glad that it’s being seen in a serious light now thanks to this show.However, I respect your opinion that you think it glorifies suicide. It does seem to come across as a “if I do this, people will realize they were wrong” and perhaps they could’ve fixed that. But they didn’t. They should’ve added some scenes to show that that is an extremely wrong thing to do.

But, I refuse to hate the show because it’s actually helping me cope with certain situations in my life I refuse to disclose to those I haven’t already told, and as someone whom has contemplated and attempted suicide before, I’m extremely thankful a show like this exists to show people that don’t take depressed and suicidal teens/tweens seriously that they are very serious and you never know what happens under your own roof or in the streets of your own city. 

It’s all about perspective.