#Scattered Thoughts

[scatteredthoughts2]

Wondering

I wonder if you still think of me;

Because I oft times think of you,

But your love for me was not meant to be,

Whilst my love for you was true.

I wonder if you ever call my name,

If something brings my name to mind,

You see, my love for you is still the same;

And of the most enduring kind.

I wonder if you dream of me,

Do you see me in the night,

Because in dreams I'll always be with thee,

Until the early morning light.

I wonder if you are moving on,

Because I'm stuck in the same place,

And though I know your love for me is gone,

Your lips I still can taste.

I wonder if we'll ever meet again,

If our paths will ever cross,

Because without you here, I am gone insane,

Without you here, I'm lost

@Ambrose Harte

@Scattered Thoughts

[intellectual6666]

Have a seat. I know you're tired. You've ran here and there. You've made your mind run errands. You had a lot of stress. I know there's still a lot left. There's still many things undone. Everything's scattered. But take some rest. Take a deep breath and have some water. Calm your mind. Close your eyes. Feel the temporary peace.

[rizuuspoetry]

It feels so strange

Yet so familiar.

Like I've been here before

Yet so far away.

It's like a deja vu moment

I've seen it

I've felt it

I've loved it

But also hated it

That same feeling of being wanted

and unwanted at the same time.

As if somethings wrong with you

As if being yourself is a terrible sin.

And you just wanna disappear,

into an endless void and never look back.

I wish I could tell what was wrong with me

Or was it the world wrong this time?

- Rizu

[iamumbra195]

I've been thinking for a while... are the numbers split by specializations?

In chapter 96, Ijin says that 005 is specialized specifically in assassinations and then he mentioned kidnapping and blackmail. So I've been thinking that certain numbers, because of their abilities, attitudes, or even their preferences specialize in certain things.

Let's take 004 and 006 for example. 004, while I believe he's fully capable of these things, doesn't specialize in info gathering or blackmail of any sort. I don't think he'd enjoy it and he's very temperamental. He even says at one point that he likes risking it instead of playing it safe and efficient the way Ijin did. He kinda seems like a loose canon. So like 005, who while incredibly intelligent is still reckless and gets angry very easily, I'm going to lump him in the area of assassination, specifically using closer combat like hand-to-hand, knives, and pistols. 006 on the other hand, is very well-suited for info-gathering and maybe even infiltration given all that we've seen from him in canon.

I'd like to say that Ijin and 002 are relatively on similar grounds and are very well-rounded in nearly everything which is why they're given the numbers they have and are regarded as the overall leaders.

So basically I think the numbers are split based on what they specialize in, whether that be intelligence, assassination, kidnapping, infiltration, maybe even robbery lol? What do you think?

[thescreamcorner]

Some scattered thoughts on "endos" and the online "plural community" :

>plurality, if considered 'real,' is a spiritual belief. It should not be put in the same category as ANY disorders.

>many concepts around multiplicity are tied to unreality in a way that can be very triggering for those prone to delusion or psychosis.

>endogenic plurality being 'real' or 'fake' is subjective, and it's incredibly disrespectful to demand others accept your own personal beliefs as fact.

>just because those who believe in plurality are capable of having comorbid disorders or trauma does not mean that they get to force any space to accept their beliefs. people are Allowed To Have Boundaries.

>most of the arguments that people make about why the internet HAS to accept plurality would not get the same view and support if it was reframed from a spiritual, let alone christian standpoint. You're allowed to have your own spaces and community, but you CANNOT force anyone to engage or agree.

>anyone questioning the possibility of having a dissociative disorder should NOT be encouraged to go to general "plural" spaces before they've gotten access to professional help. Give them a helpful ear and resources instead.

>CDDs are NOT PLURALITY.

[feefymo]

Hello-hello, still here. Feeling nostalgic, eager to write but unmotivated and a bit sad. Moots, I always think about you, so... hi! 🖤

[mrperfectlydamaged]

I really never had any friends when I grew up. I wasn't exactly a cry baby but never had I ever had the exposure of the outer world. I learnt to tie my shoe laces in 5th standard from a classmate who once shouted at me for asking over again. I still don't have any "friends". The group I kinda made or got into, well let's just say I became outsider again. I could never really fit in to any of the groups. They were way behind me, they thought they looked cool talking about f1 meanwhile I was following it since 2019 when no one talked about it widely. I grew up pretty fast for people around me, I was questioning life, and existence while they were making jokes about 'women'. I sometimes think that it is really my fault for leading such lifestyle being anti-social when I'm afraid people would never accept me. To say things out loud means to stab yourself. To tell someone about yourself is a double edged dagger that I put on my throat for them to slit it anytime because, "if I told you who i am would you use it against me?"

Now I ain't calling people cringe, but I am calling them misinformed, and headed in the wrong direction. Because everything is fine until somebody doesn't get hurt, and cringe just gives you icks not kills you. And the definition of cringe existed because somebody once just said it's not good, no reason why or anything. And that's how we get it. He's cringe because Ajay said so, nischay said so. We don't have our own opinions people around us shape in a way, where we are the clay and they are artist. And they ain't no artist because an artist would never disrespect any other human being.

[morn-yvri-winters]

Fun CogDis Fact [+ Some Theory Crafting & Regards to Lore itself] (STORY SPOILERS... for a 15 year old fan-game)

So i was doing some data mining (as in looking inside of the game files for fun to see how the game ticks and works, and boy howdy let me tell you, RPG Maker 2003's UI scares me, props to Otherhand for navigating through these... many variables, numbers, & symbols going on, because it honestly overwhelms me) I had learned that:

Cerue appears in the Maria & George Magicant Flashback as one of the background Gieegs behind the windows. While this most likely is just a matter of reusing sprites, it should also be noted that not all Gieegs in the "allthegoogs" sprite sheet actually get used. Like, i want to say around 3/4ths of them actually ever get used (there are a total of 4 Gieegs in "allthegoogs".

(UPDATE 1: She's actually present for one more scene, i think? For whatever reason, her event handler has two pages but she appears for both pages, from what i can guess, she is meant to be the Gieeg that appears during the sequence where Maria & George are walking down the hallway [i think i want to say when George wants to show off the mental amps to Maria, since they share similar variables "0049: maction", which is meant to be the activation of an event via some number inputted by some handler)

(UPDATE 2: Yep, she is present for the scene when George & Maria head to the giant vault door to then breach using the Mental Amplifier Device, yet she doesnt seem to look, which could mean Otherhand forgor to make her turn or she wasnt meant to be there)

Another fun fact, the two Gieegs (referred to as goog 1 & goog 2 internally) that appear when Giegue has his overstimulation moment by Maria's Melody are actually using Giegue's Sprite Sheet (referred to as "Newgiegue")

(a part of me wanted to say its probably due to Giegue being the only "stock-standard" looking gieeg to have a moving sprite, but that isnt even remotely true since the gieegs from "allthegoogs" ALSO have walk sprites as well)

...the fact that the misc googs dont get used here either really feels like there was some manner of implication there by the dev. Personally i feel like its meant to imply that this is Giegue's actual parents but that would be a MONSTROUS conclusion to jump to, especially when there is ZERO mention about the BG Gieegs other than them appearing in scenes and the "(They're watching)" interaction.

Actually, the only real plausible theory to make here would be that Cerue was around for the Human Caretaker Experiment/Goog's Arrival to the Solar System. I mean, the fact that she knows about Giegue and refers to him as an anomaly, seems to imply she knows a LOT more about Giegue (as in a majority of his history/biography) than what the player already knows (who he is, what he is, what he becomes, etc.), in addition, she has a Starman in a chamber and seems to know about their origin/capabilities, even calling their transformation into Starmen a mistake yet compliments the design itself.

Which reminds me of something else, the timeline of events in CogDis which are awfully questionable in terms of order (at least for 1 to 4):

"QUESTIONABLE" TIME OF EVENTS

(190X) - The Gieegs arrive to the Solar System and successfully neutralize the Martian's Space Station's Inhabitants to ensure they have the element of Surprise on their hand.

(190X) - The Gieegs arrive to Mars and engage in war against the Martians. They are successful in doing so and assimilate the Martians into their Army/Empire as the "Starmen" (?).

(190X) - Maria & George find Giegue out in the wild, they are then kidnapped and Maria is supposedly in a mini coma for over a week??? Regardless, George & Maria take care of Googie (also George works out some arrangements with the Gieegs to make sure that everything is comfortable to their liking).

(190X) - 2 or so years later, the event occurs, Maria gets Magicant'd and George runs away with the Mental Amplifiers.

(190X -> 198X) - Mother 1's Back Story involving George's Return to Earth occurs and eventually leads to the events of Mother 1 itself (also apparently PSI spreads out across Earth itself?).

I refer to this as being "questionable" as I am highly unsure as to whether or not the Gieegs were the only ones present on the Mothership OR if the Gieegs had done Mars dirty, assimilated the Martians into their Army as the Starmen and then went to Earth.

Personally a part of me wants to believe its potentially the former, as them getting pissed off at Humanity and taking it out on the Martians seems fitting in terms of MOTHER/Earthbound Logic (problem is that this wouldnt really align too well with the Mars' Data Log).

However it might actually be the latter considering that the Gieegs come from outside the Solar System, and by this time the Martians are the only one with a Space Station/Satellite, them getting neutralized by the Gieegs feels fitting, as the Gieegs themselves REALLY dont like it when another race has PSI (or at least, if they do, they dont like them being a potential threat to their goals, whatever THAT may be).

[tl;dr version of this paragraph, either they got super pissy and took out their hate on Mars or they are the equivalent to the Viltrumite Empire from INVINCIBLE and neutralized Mars so nobody would know and potentially warn others who about their arrival]

(now im thinking of the "THINK MARK! THINK!" meme in my head but with Giegue & [insert fitting character role here])

(Also if you're wondering why i've come to such a strong assumption about the Gieegs, it mainly has to do with a friend of mine bringing up a really good point when i was discussing lore stuff about my sona's world (aka the one in my pfp and which i have a ref sheet to), that being "Why would a race that seems peaceful, need weapons of mass destruction to defend themselves? That would imply that they aren't peaceful in the slightest or have blood on their hands." and it sorta stuck with me. Like, the best example I can currently think of is: An alien race comes down to Earth and says "we come in peace" and then pulled out a nuke and vaporized an entire forest after one deer spooked them; thats sorta what the Gieegs feel like to me whenever i think about them now, CogDis obviously doesnt make them peaceful and afr kind of 'shifty' but Official Mother (Game) Lore never actually quite describes what their intentions even were in the first place, only that they were afraid of Humanity having access to PSI and that Giegue needed to stop them)

Actually, i find it even more weird as to what could have possibly had occurred to the other Gieegs. So if we were to go by the theory of "Cerue being around", then there was probably at least... Three to Four unique Gieegs total?

(Hell, maybe there could of been even more aboard the Mothership for all we know, considering that when Maria is running through the halls, she mentions that the aliens on board all sorta just looked at them without stopping them, never brings up if they were just other Gieegs or what, just that they were being observed)

We know Cerue could have potentially disembarked at some random point (maybe potentially after the Human Caretaker Experiment OR after the Mars Invasion, depending upon which happens first) and goes into hiding on Mercury, basically collecting various creatures from around the Solar System (some either being alive or dead).

We do not know what happens to the other 2 to 3 Gieegs except that they were present for the Human Caretaker Experiment & The Invasion of Mars, as they were most likely responsible for the majority of opposition & were described as being all-powerful by the Mars Super Computer's City Records, so I imagine only a few were needed to take over.

Giegue is the only one around on the Mothership (excluding Niiue) but doesn't know where Cerue went.

(...potentially, Niiue's dialogue about him knowing that she doesn't want to meet him could imply that he's referring to his true identity as Giegue & knows that Cerue possibly sensed him but as Giegue and not his own unique being, which is why she said she only trusted the Applechasers [the main 4] and doesnt try to erase their memory).

(WARNING LINKS LEAD TO FANDOM WIKI, CARRY A BLOCKER) Oddly enough, the fandom wiki for Earthbound has a really interesting tidbit of a theory regarding as to what Giegue's Race even was or what may have happened to them (since after Mother 1, Giegue's People gets ZERO mention), mentioning that after he returned to the ship, he may have ended up killing his people in a fit of distress & deterioration before eventually transforming into Giygas, but its fandom wiki so take it with a tablespoon of salt.

(if youre wondering "why not use WikiBound?", it mainly tends to be game information rather than like, external media information..? Idk, i personally feel like i found more substance to Giegue's Fandom Page than compared to his WikiBound Page)

something i will mention however, is that the fandom wiki uses a lot of information from the novel for Mother 1 (apparently?) as a means to sorta fill in information regarding events that occur between the games. Also its the only wiki with a page regarding Giegue's Race, also this really cool illustration of the Mothership:

Anyhoot, I'm done rambling now, i just sorta wanted to share this because it was on my mind. Gonna stop now before my brain overheats and combusts from thinking too much, also i am hungry, its lunch.

(UPDATE, 12/23/202X, I've realized Cerue's Sprite has different opacities, which might mean that she's been sticking around quite a bit when George makes his discoveries & when the two escape)

[weepingfoxfury]

The man on the radio talks with the traffic lady about the cost of going to see your favourite singer, mentions Stevie Nicks, the traffic lady says she'd spend 100 euro maximum. Someone called Tracy won the musical clip competition this morning. Take it away Barbra Streisand, it's your Birthday today.

Blossom upon blossom on the apple tree. I'm peering through my condensation covered window. Two young Rooks are building their first nest high above the apple trees. The ground is littered with all the twigs that fell during construction. The main Rookery is the other side of the house. I wish them luck.

Shiny metropolis part II. Town seems oddly quiet these days. Did the rapture take place again? Or did the mother ship finally find these missing people? Perhaps an unexpected portal?

Can't help but think of South Park and Cartman's alien probe. Such irreverence ... surely I'm going to hell. Best add marshmallows to today's shopping list ...

[mtg-cards-hourly]

Scattered Thoughts

Stitchers delegate the most important tasks to assistants with a good eye for detail.

Artist: Brian Valeza TCG Player Link Scryfall Link EDHREC Link

[scatteredthoughts2]

The Homecoming.

The train pulls into Mullingar,

And I wipe away a tear,

It's my first time home in many years,

And no one knows I'm here.

The station looks the same,

But it's still a lonesome place:

It brings back a stab of pain,

Of when I last kissed your sweet face.

I walk up to the Green Bridge,

And look up towards Patrick Street,

I see Clarke's Bar on the left,

Where our family used to meet.

I look down on Dominick Street,

Through the blowing, swirling snow,

And though I know the town so well,

I don't know which way to go.

I go into Days Bazaar,

For a coffee and a scone,

It was the book shop that I loved,

The last time I was home.

And from my table by the window,

I watch the crowds go by,

Searching every face,

Hoping some will catch my eye.

But who's that in the Market Square?

With microphone in hand,

Joe Dolan sings out loud,

With his ghostly Drifters Band.

The Greville Arms I enter,

And my heart lifts up with joy,

For the first one there to greet me,

Is my old friend " Nodger Boyle ".

Nodger fills me in on the lost years,

When last I was at home,

We share a laugh and we share some tears,

And, when he leaves , I'm all alone.

All alone with just my thoughts,

All alone; there's only me,

All that's left for me are ghosts;

All my loved ones in the cemetery.

I leave and walk back to the station,

Wondering why I came back home,

Was I dreaming someone would be waiting,

That I would not be on my own.

The train pulls in and I take a seat,

And I leave Mullingar behind,

It was only ghosts that I came to meet;

Only ghosts that I could find.

@Ambrose Harte

@Scattered Thoughts

[intellectual6666]

I was never the trouble child, I had always been the troubled child.

[niceminipotato]

I’m gonna give you guys a glimpse at my weird brain for the last hour.

Thought 1: Gosh I need to finishing writing the next chapter. Nine’s pov needs to be published.

Thought 2: You know what’d be cool? An isekai fic, where the OC/reader gets teleported inside the game. Let us save the lords. We’ll make Alcina like us too. Oh but I’d actually need to play… nvm. I’m not killing my lady.

Thought 3: I think I’m gonna rewatch Blank. Oh Faye is so good in it.

Thought 4: If I write a little for the next chapter I’ll finish quicker. People must hate me.

Thought 5: This teddy sheep is so soft

Thought 6: Gosh, women in suits… women in suits… women in suits… and Alcina Dimitrescu 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thought 7: wait wait Jenn… Alcina Dimitrescu in a suit… wow. Yep that’s the winner.

And that’s where I’m at. This is why nothing gets written lol. Cuz after all that I’m here in tumblr looking for fanart of Lady D in a suit.

[rizuuspoetry]

I wonder how much can a heart handle until it eventually disintegrates into nothingness.

- Rizu

[syllyrix]

In Your Shadow

The day I was born, you were alone at home. He left you there, barely out of your teens, while he was off playing pool with his friends, like it was any other day. I imagine you pacing the living room, unsure whether to call him or wait, your hands cradling your belly as you looked at the clock. I wonder if you were scared, I wonder if you thought you could change him or if in that moment, alone bringing me into the world, you realized you had made a mistake.

I was two and I slept on his chest, snow a quiet blanket outside, while you curled up at his side. You spoke your dream of three children, a vision cherished since you were a little girl. He was unmoved, his words like shards of glass piercing your heart: “It’s up to you. You’ll be the one taking care of them.” Reality slapped you back to silence as you rose and gently pulled me away from his arms.

I was three, and my fingers were sticky from candy. I remember because you said, “Don’t touch anything,” but when I saw the tears on your face, I wiped them away anyway. You looked at me with a half smile, the one that didn't quite reach your eyes. I kissed your cheek, because that’s what you always did when I was hurt. You held me close.

I was four, sitting on the floor outside the door. I was supposed to be asleep, but I could hear you shouting. You said you’d leave him, his dry laughter louder than all your words. I didn’t understand why he laughed. Maybe it was a joke. But you weren’t laughing and it felt like a punch in my stomach. When he came back that night he brought me a stuffed toy, hidden under his coat. You smiled.

I was five, perched on the kitchen counter, you told me to stay inside. There was a woman by the window, standing too close to him. You were there too, but you looked far away, like you were somewhere out of reach. The next day, you pulled me out of the swimming pool early. My hair was still wet when we got in the car, a curtain between the two us. I liked swimming. But the drive home was quiet, and when he said, “I love you,” It sounded like something had broken inside.

I was six when you found him drunk in bed next to me. He was asleep, but I was wide awake, frozen beside him. You shook him hard, like you were trying to wake up from a bad dream too. His breath stunk, just like the bottles he kept under the sink. I didn’t know what was wrong, but your hands were shaking, and mine were too. I had school in three hours, and you put me in bed with you. You cried a lot that night buried in your pillow. I held you tight. Later, he bought me a bike, yellow and white. I felt a fleeting burst of joy against the backdrop of our troubles. Love and fear danced before my eyes as I pedaled away trying to outrun the shadows.

I was seven when we packed everything we had, which wasn’t much. You said we were going to stay at Grandma’s house. The car smelled like wet grass and stale coffee. When you said you were happy we were leaving, your eyes were red. I smiled and said I was happy too, but I didn’t believe it. You said you wished you could go back to when you were sixteen, when you weren’t so afraid. I told you that you didn’t have to be afraid because I was there with you. You smiled, but it was the kind of smile that fades before it reaches your gaze. It didn't last long though, you fought with your parents too. A few months later, we were back. You said it was for the best. I didn’t ask what that meant.

I was eight and he took us for ice cream at that nice place down the road. I had insisted so much he finally gave in. It was a good day. You remembered the old times, talked about love at first sight. I liked those days when your face softened and you said it wasn’t really that bad, like you were trying to make the story better. But even then, I knew love wasn’t supposed to feel like walking on eggshells.

I was nine when I came home from school, and you were sitting on the couch, staring at nothing. You said he’d lost all the money on that foolish game, the one that made him angry when he didn’t win. But you looked like you’d lost way more than that. You said you should’ve left him a long time ago. I wanted to ask why you didn’t. I stayed silent. He even sold your old necklace. I remember how shiny it was, and how your face looked when you saw it was gone. I wanted to find it for you, but I didn’t know where to look. The blows he threw weren't just at you; they always felt like they were aimed at me too.

I was ten when I begged because I wanted him to stay. Angry at your tired gaze as you watched him leave with that resigned look across your face, like you were used to it, like this was just how things were. I still believed if I held on tight enough, he wouldn’t go. That maybe, if I stood between him and the door, he’d stay just for me. I clutched at the sleeve of his jacket, but he tore my hands away. I tumbled to the floor as he slammed the door and walked away. You crouched down beside me, I could feel your warmth. You wiped my face gently with the sleeve of your sweater. “He’ll be back,” you said. I wanted to hate him so bad, and eventually, I did. But you never spoke ill of him. "He loves you in his own way," you told me the day he left again. Your voice was steady, but your eyes—they always gave you away.

I was eleven when he lost his job. You didn’t tell me right away, but I heard you on the phone with Aunt. You were crying quietly, your voice hushed like you didn’t want me to hear. “I don’t know what to do,” you whispered. I pressed my ear against the door, listening. You talked about bills, about how you didn’t have enough to make it work this time. Aunt said you should leave him; you didn’t say anything. She sent money for rent, but he used it on his game instead. The next day, the lights went out and you said we had to leave. I was happy, naive.

At twelve, we moved to Grandma’s house. It was early June, and you took me out of school. You looked defeated; I knew you didn't like it here—I could see it in the way you avoided everyone’s gaze. There were so many people that day; you came from a family of too many children. You told me a lot about lost opportunities and never studying—"It wasn’t for girls like me," you said, almost like you were ashamed. You talked about marriage as escape. And surrounded by all those unwelcoming faces, I felt the hollowness of belonging nowhere.

At thirteen, my room was bigger, but I had nothing to fill it with. We had sold almost everything just to get by. The emptiness of it mirrored the uncertainty I felt inside. I didn’t like this place either, and downstairs the arguments rattled the walls while I threw anxious glances at the door. I never felt brave enough. Each night, I stared at the mold-littered ceiling and imagined the universe and its stars as I prayed for a small corner of peace. A place we could call our own, one where we could feel secure and at home.

At fourteen, you pulled a small stash of cash from your closet. It wasn't much—a few crumpled bills and loose change. It was all you managed to save. You shoved it in my hands while you said, "These are yours, and if anything ever happens, he must never know." In that moment, our world’s instability lay bare beneath my feet. Tears filled my eyes as thoughts I wasn't ready to face swirled relentlessly in my mind. You kissed my forehead and whispered, “Don’t cry.”

At fifteen, I told you I wished I'd never been born, angry at the life you decided to bring me into. Those words I still regret to this day. The pain on your face is etched deep in memory. “I’m sorry” you said. “I didn’t mean it” I wailed. That night I fell asleep in your embrace.

At sixteen, I asked you why you didn't leave. You paused, your eyes heavy with years of holding on. “Sometimes it’s easier to stay than to walk away,” your voice faltered as you added, “It wasn’t just me I had to choose for.” Your words hung heavy in the air. I wanted to argue, tell you I never asked for that, but I hesitated because I already knew how each of our days must have felt like a mistake you couldn’t undo, and deep down, I wondered if you regretted my birth too.

At seventeen, he was gambling and drinking his life away again. Hours would pass and we would never know where he went. One day, we made pizza and watched TV—just me and you. While we ate quietly on the couch, you asked why I never went out. “Go have fun with friends,” you told me with a smile. But truth was, anxiety chained me to those four walls. I couldn't leave you behind, all your struggles becoming mine as I was your shadow day and night. I nodded, though, didn’t want to burden you anymore. To this day, I’d still surrender my life to ease your pain, and I know you’d do just the same.

As I turned eighteen, I didn’t feel like an adult at all. And now, even though I’m older, I still don’t. I wear all those years like thin layers of tender skin, perpetually bleeding. But as the world moves on and I stand still, everything so fragile and elusive, I realize something you once said has stuck with me: “You must love yourself first.” I didn’t understand it then, but now I see you weren’t just speaking to me, but also to that young girl who dreamed of a home, three children, and warmth. You were speaking to the woman who never had the chance to be loved the way she deserved. And so, as I look at you from across this room, I believe I can do it, not just for myself but for us both, for everything we went through, for the longest time—just me and you; I can learn, albeit slowly, to step out from your shadow and find my own way forward. Maybe, just maybe, we can both learn to live for ourselves one day, without the weight of the past dragging us back to this dark place.

[theghostinyourwalls]

WHY DOES IT TAKE ME FOREVER TO FINISH A FIC BUT AT THE SAME TIME GET SO MANY IDEAS FOR NEW ONES