#Salty gamer Rage

[spiegelgestalt]

The key to successfully rolling in FGO is to be happy with what you get. And I got some good stuff: another Medea, Tomoe Gozen some good craft essences....

Not Gilgamesh though. Neither Gilgamesh was there. Why wasn't there a Gilgamesh

.

.

I'm in pain.

[snoffart]

Peri and Dev playing Fortnite…. Based on a moment my sibling and I had yesterday LOL

[weepingtalecowboy]

Time is like a river (and fierce deity is straight up drowning in him)

Fanfic prompt :The good old horror of time using the ocarina or someone else using it is well known

But I think that it could get worse

Like for example if time hands the ocarina over to one of the other links

As they can turn back time for essentially eternity if they can mentally keep up (or not it would still work)

Them dying doesn’t actually make a difference

If legend for example after a literal eternity of looping back dies

What even changes ?

All that changes is the fact that someone else might take the ocarina to travel back in time

Now wind or warriors or any other link gets to do the exact same thing

But this character hasn’t lived the same memory of the first one even if legend told them that he comes from the future they literally can’t comprehend his memories because they haven’t lived them he could never hope to tell them Literally EVERY single outcome of all his attempts that physically could not be possible/especially if we included genuine eternities of looping back to fix stuff like making a list is not possible if it keeps going on for eternity

This eternal loop might actually be much worse because if legend dies then time (the construct) would be at square one

And legend's progress on finding ways to escape the loop would die with him

Who ever takes the ocarina next only needs to die once to get legend to take the ocarina back and he will be back with trying already long done methods again and again (he could never know that he did them already because he literally hasn’t yet by this point he will eternally be set to a very limited amount of options he will keep retrying and retrying and retrying endlessly)

The true horror in time travel is the possibility that you can’t escape because even if you know you are in one , you could have tried every option to ever exist and you wouldn’t even know how many times you tried it you cannot imagine something new if you keep losing the memory that you have already tried the past options

Because for all people think time is linear they don’t act like it is

If we think we will change the past if we fuck around and find out…

IF the timeline truly was linear then it would have already accounted for the fucking around with it and by assuming that you could potentially mess it up you SEVERELY limit your understanding and options

A good example is a river that flows down a mountain

No matter how hard you try to push it back it will just keep flowing down and continue on it will carve into the mountain and have its favored path

Trying to stop it with a dam only stops it for a while… at some point it overflows and it goes back to linearly flow downwards

Maybe the patterns it takes change a bit when you put your hand inside but the water downstream literally won’t be affected by you because it ALREADY is down there

To stop the stream in a way that truly stops it like pushing all the water back up even if you manage it the second you stop pushing it upstream it will just flow back into the carved out paths and the water is back at the bottom

To take a different option is literally impossible

You can’t try something you yourself are incapable of thinking about doing

Even if you try for eternity you are limited by your own mortality

If you are trapped then you are trapped (if you escape then you never where trapped in the first place)

The options are incredibly limited in time travel every time you forget you take them again

But now comes the part… that is genuinely terrifying to consider

The way majora's mask is defeated would be literally impossible without some entity that remembers every failure

Because we tend to suck at games (nobody can play a game without knowing how it works without dying at least once )

So every time link dies he is back to his limited amount of options with no memory of every having taken them, …

But we aren’t we can get better at the game and figure out stuff

Like fierce deity literally takes several cycles to get even if you never die

But realistically you couldn’t have known better if you didn’t know the game in some way (be it reading up a guide or trying it out )

But how can link know to try something in different ways or order whenever he dies

Like changing quests and figuring out where to go is not something that you can do on the first try

We are essentially the entity who has a collective of link's memory (I like to think that fierce deity is a representation of this collective memory)

So if time has the fierce deity to tell him to take another option (by force or otherwise)

He can break out because he can actually take another option

He might not even know that he is taking another option but he certainly can do so with the fierce deity's help

While the rest of the links are literally toddling around like kids indefinitely

Passing the ocarina back and forth not gaining any insight on how to get out the timeloop

Instead of retrying a certain set of options over and over again in repetition

Time could eventually use the fierce deity to get out the loop

If the option they need to escape isn’t figured out during the first loop where a character has their memory still

It literally won’t be figured out by the next loop or any other loop

Honestly that collective would totally make fierce deity’s actions and existence horrifying

It would literally have several millennia of the hero of time’s memory of past attempts and failures

Be it time biting the dust day one in majora’s mask twenty times over till it made him figure out stuff because it has the experience to do better or time retrying during linked universe for the five hundred time

He might not know just how often he had done that but the fierce deity surly does

And it’s gamer rage is totally justified because how often can someone suck at the same thing with losing their god damned mind

We as players tend to get incredibly frustrated when we fail over and over yet outright living the situation that link is in would be a completely different kind of painful because fierce deity wouldn’t just be looking at the happenings

[nikethestatue]

The Date

Happy birthday to my sweet bestie @fawnandshadows

I wish you all the very best for your next quarter century. Have a wonderful day and an amazing year ahead.

Preface:

This is a bonus chapter for The Kings' Wife. I've had the idea of a Ruhn and Elain date for a long time, but did not want to include it in the story. It contains some interesting background about Ruhn, but otherwise, it's just indulgent fluff and smut.

Warning: Explicit language and explicit smut (anal sex)

Fenrys Moonbeam was right. 

Was it embarrassing? Perhaps. But Ruhn Danaan King was never one to follow prescribed rules. He was never ‘normal’ and wasn’t one to hit all of life’s milestones when he was supposed to have. 

He started walking at 10 months, talking before he was two, reading when he was barely five. Early. He was early in everything. He didn’t remember when he began drawing, maybe he was still in the womb, when he began seeing images and colours. He skipped grades, because he was too smart, but then he was held back, because of his behavioural issues. 

He kissed a girl when he was six. His girlfriend, Millie Kalinowski. Well, technically, he had two girlfriends when he was six–Millie and Aurora Esposito. An overachiever even then. It was Millie’s birthday: he stole her cupcake, she called him a ‘butthole’ and then he smacked a big juicy one on her cheek. She hit him and ran away, crying. 

That was his first foray into romance.

He didn’t kiss anyone else until he was almost fifteen. 

He remembered the kiss, because that was also the day when he killed someone for the first time. Not a crime of passion, or uncontrolled rage of a teenager. He, and his brother Azriel, found and tracked the people who had kidnapped Azriel years before, beat him, tortured him, and attempted to rape him. Azriel broke his wrist in order to escape, and succeeded, but he never forgot. The two of them spent years trying to locate the men who held Az prisoner in an abandoned farm in upstate New York. It was an intricate and thorough investigation–the first time they worked so closely together on a task that consumed them. Along the way, they built a network of informants, spies, made connections, found hackers among gamers, and guys who were really, really good with money, and breaking into banks and accounts, or discovering hidden assets and identities. It helped that neither he, nor Azriel, looked like they were fourteen. They were big, brawny and muscular, their balls dropping early and testosterone flooding their growing bodies and making them strong, agile and by then, already six feet tall. They had money, they could pay, and when someone talked back, they had other ways of convincing people to do what they needed. 

Ruhn remembered his first kill pretty well–a guy named Bobby, a scrawny, but wiry Irishman, who moved fast, and was an ace with a knife. Ruhn’s first kill wasn’t elegant or cerebral. He beat Bobby to death with a baseball bat. The shower of warm, salty blood is what he remembered the most from that evening. Az slitting another guy’s throat, his grip on the blade so strong, that he almost decapitated him. Together, they killed two more that night–but they were no longer counted as the ‘first kills’. 

The murders gave him a high like he’d never felt before and his skin itched from the adrenalin and the memories. He thought that he wouldn’t mind doing that again. He was so jacked up that he wandered the streets until it was late, unable to settle down, unwilling to go home, replaying the murders in his mind. It was awesome! At last, grateful that he had his fake ID in his pocket, he stopped at some dive bar. He wasn’t much of a drinker, and hardly knew how to order a drink properly, but he recalled his father’s bar and the bottles of Jameson’s whiskey on the glass shelves, and figured that he’d order that. He thought that he did it like a pro, but the bartender gave him an assessing look, which told him that he wasn’t fooling anyone. But Ruhn was big and bad, and already sported a tattoo sleeve, and no one in their right mind would want to mess with him over a shot of whiskey. 

When he went to take a piss, he was accosted by a girl. A working girl? Maybe. He never found out. A little buzzed from the drinks and the kills, he liked the feeling of her hands on his body, when she slipped her fingers under his t-shirt. She was thin and delicate, and reminded him of Audrey Hepburn. She behaved in a very un-Audrey way however, when she tugged him into the bathroom, dropped the latch on the door and then dropped to her knees in front of him. Well, that was fucking unexpected. Having his dick inside the wet warmth of her mouth was incredible, and when she began to suck, it was borderline sublime. He understood the appeal of blowjobs very, very quickly, watching her pink tongue lave over his shaft, her eyes hooded, her hands grasping his thighs, her face looking like she was truly enjoying it. And when he gripped the back of her head, trying not to be forceful, but kind of failing, though she didn’t seem to mind, the sensation was even better. The sense of control, of utter dominance, the pleasure of thrusting into that willing mouth, the feeling of his cockhead bucking into the back of her throat, the pathetic little noises that she was making–it was unforgettable and unbelievable. It was a shame that he didn’t last as long as he would’ve liked to, but he lasted a decent amount of time for a fourteen year old. Like a good two and a half minutes. 

He came in her mouth, but she spit it out discreetly, which he didn’t love so much, but he couldn’t be choosy.

Wiping her lips, she winked at him and then asked a question that murdered his boner completely.

“How old are you, stud?”

God. It was only marginally better than her asking him if it was his first time.

“Old enough,” he grunted in response, and then fished out a hundred dollar bill and slipped it under the strap of her bra. She didn’t argue or anything, but got up and then pecked him on the corner of his mouth, biting on his lip ring and making him hiss. 

And that’s how he got his first real kiss.

But Fen was correct–Ruhn’s never been on a date. Ruhn had less than zero interest in dating anyone, and no one really wanted to date him either. The girls, the brave ones, thought that they did, but then, they quickly changed their minds. He wasn’t romantic. He wasn’t kind. He was barely nice. He fucked hard. Without tenderness or words or emotions. At least he always made sure that they came. However, he rarely, if ever gave head, didn’t cuddle, wasn’t interested in staying over or having them sleep over at his apartment at the hotel, and if he was being honest, he wouldn’t date him either. He was kind of an asshole. 

As usual, his life didn’t follow any normal patterns. He went from a post-kill blowjob, to a little kiss, and then nothing at all. During his formative years, he only had four girls that he fucked, and tried as he might to build a reputation as a manwhore at his boarding school, he couldn’t. He dominated the scene, he was one of the most feared guys in school, respected, obeyed, admired, but a player, he was not. 

His twenties were wild. A whole decade drenched in blood and cum.

Now, he was almost 32 years old. 

And Ruhn Danaan King has never been on a date.

The way he saw it, it wasn’t the end of the world, but it was weird. It definitely wasn’t normal.

Azriel’s been engaged to Morrigan. And then he married Elain. Those were pretty serious plays in the dating department.

Fenrys couldn’t stop dating! He dated everyone. He liked them, cherished them, adored them, used them, left them, and moved on to the next one.

Cassian’s been in a couple of semi-long term relationships, and also dated casually. And now, he was after the eldest Archeron sister, though without much success.

Rowan was once married, and then widowed. He was raising his four year old son by himself, and was now seriously involved with a girl named Aelin, and it definitely seemed like things were getting serious between the two of them.

Rhysand’s been with Feyre for almost 3 years now. Yes, he was a wealthy playboy prior to meeting her, but the pretty Bohemian artist enchanted him instantly and all women ceased existing for him. 

Ruhn…Well, there was that one time when he took his not-exactly-wife, but kind-of-wife Elain Archeron to Subway. He bought her a sandwich and Fanta. He took her to a museum as well, but truthfully, none of it was planned. Initially, he just wanted to tattoo her, and then he ended up fingering her and after that they went out on a whim. Ruhn was mostly curious about Elain’s knowledge and interest in art, which, to his great relief, was present–she wasn’t an expert, but she was well-versed in popular art and had appreciation for it. 

The thing was…well, Ruhn was hopelessly, passionately and irreversibly in love with Elain. He fucking loved his wife. Looking back, he wasn’t even sure when and how it happened. At what point did infatuation and mild obsession turn into love, into adoration, into soul-mating. Or, as Elain said, heart-mating with him. 

He didn’t mind sharing. That was the agreement, and it was the healthiest way for the four of them to live and exist in their relationship. They shared Elain and there was enough love in her for all of them, to satisfy them sexually and emotionally. Ruhn wouldn’t have it any other way. However, it didn’t mean that he didn’t want her for himself at times. Just the two of them, doing things as a couple, having a private relationship that was exclusively theirs. To some extent, it was happening between Elain and the men in her life–each one had a marriage with her, which was both public, but also private. 

Ruhn, however, figured that he wanted to have a proper date with his girl.

Elain was young and a romantic at heart, and obviously she wanted dates and flowers and all that cheesy shit that Ruhn knew nothing about. There was a reason why she screamed at Fenrys to fuck her ‘romantically’. He was the only one who would. From Ruhn, Elain came to expect rough–marks on her hips, imprints of his teeth on her skin, hair pulling, swollen nipples and aching pussy. She liked the pain, but she was under no illusions that Ruhn would be tender or sweet. And Ruhn was determined to prove her wrong. 

He couldn’t ask Fenrys–who would probably know and have a decent recommendation, but would also make it bigger and better for Elain, and would leave Ruhn in the dust. So that was out of the question. Azriel would just steal the idea, hog Elain, and leave Ruhn in the dust. And then, there was Google.

~

Cassian made it to the office early, as usual. He wanted to stop by Nesta’s office and bring her coffee, but then he thought better of it. Not the coffee part, because he would’ve gotten her that gross green water that she called ‘tea’--but because it seemed to him like Nesta truly moved on and was interested in Eris Vanserra. He didn’t want to think about it. Didn’t want to wound his bleeding heart anymore than it’s been sliced open already. Nesta was a bad idea. Always a terrible idea that promised to end badly, and here he was, being smacked in the face by his terrible ideas.

“Oh hey,” Cassian stopped abruptly, seeing his cousin Ruhn sitting in the still-empty room, long legs crossed and propped on the desk. “Why are you here? Is Elain okay?”

Somehow, and he didn’t know how it happened, but Cassian began worrying about Elain. It was like a contagion that was passed down to him and his men from Azriel.

“Yeah, she is good,” Ruhn said lazily, putting his phone away.

“What’s up?” Cassian took a sip of his coffee. 

Ruhn was unpredictable and Cassian never knew what would come out of the man’s mouth. Could be something nice. Could be something utterly horrible.

“Do you have Pinterest?” 

Yep. Weird.

His brow knitted in confusion, and Cassian asked,

“What?”

“Pinterest. Do you have it?”

“No. I am a man,” he reminded Ruhn slowly, enunciating every word.

Ruhn sighed and nodded, shoulders falling.

“Yeah, I get it. I figured I’d ask.”

“And you thought that I’d be the guy to have a Pinterest account?” Cassian raised his brow at him. “I feel like Fen would be more likely,”

“Maybe,” Ruh agreed with another sigh. “But I can’t ask him.”

“What do you need on Pinterest?” Now his interest piqued and Cassian bit into his blueberry muffin, looking at Ruhn expectantly. 

“Ideas…”

“What kind of ideas?”

Ruhn mumbled something unintelligible, but Cassian wasn’t going to give up and pressed him.

“Come on. What?”

“For a date!” Ruhn snapped, his normally dark, placid face suddenly turning kind of red.

“You need ideas for a date?” Cassian was confused. “With whom?”

“Elain!” Ruhn opened his arms, like he was talking to an idiot. “Who else?”

“You are taking Elain on a date? And you need Pinterest?”

“Whatever man, you won’t understand,” Ruhn rose and grunted dejectedly.

“Wait, wait. I am trying to. Let’s think about this.”

Exhaling loudly, Ruhn explained,

“I want to date my wife. Okay? And I want to go on a date with her–but not just a lame dinner or something. I don’t want to sit in some restaurant, but I also don’t want to go to some flower show! I don’t want people around. Just the two of us. Our date.”

“I hear you,”

“So I was thinking, I want to do a picnic,”

“That’s a good idea!” Cassian nodded enthusiastically.

“But I don’t know how to do a picnic!” Ruhn ran his hand through his hair, huffing in frustration. “I googled it, and it’s giving me all this shit that I don’t know how to do!”

“Like what?”

“I dunno, man. Fried chicken and deviled eggs and potato salad,”

Cassian smirked.

“Buy her a bucket of chicken,” he laughed.

“I am serious, Cass,” Ruhn said, sounding nervous and hopeless. “What am I gonna do? I want to do something nice and romantic and I can’t show up with a bucket of KFC chicken and some potato salad. She’d think I am insane.”

Rapping his long fingers on the desk, Cassian thought and muttered,

“Okay, okay. Let’s think about it. I think you googled stuff for 4th of July,”

“I just typed in ‘picnic ideas’,” Ruhn explained defensively.

“What does Elain like? Sweets, right?”

“Have you seen Elain with an eclair?”

“Yeah…She likes sweets and pastries. So buy some champagne, a few pastries…No offence, brother, but Elain seems like a cheap date.”

Ruhn laughed,

“I mean, yeah, she is.”

“Let’s face it, this is a chick who loses her mind over soccer and is ready to throw fists. She likes beer. She eats Fen’s horrid English sandwiches with white bread and fucking potato chips inside…This is not a fancy girl!”

“I know…But I also know that Lorcan made her pasta! And took her to the opera! I can’t beat that,”

“Well, of course you can beat that. But Elain likes beer and tacos. I mean, I don’t think she’d be opposed to you cooking dinner for her, but I also think she’d like you as you are,”

“A talentless hack?”

“Don’t cook her a crap meal, if you don’t know how to cook,” Cassian recommended bluntly. “Do something nice and something she’d enjoy. It would go a long way.”

Ruhn got up and squeezed Cassian’s shoulder.

“Alright, man, thanks!”

Cassian smiled and told him gently,

“I don't think you need to worry. It’s not like you have to close the deal.”

“Yeah,” Ruhn agreed. “But it’s also for me.”

~

Meet me at the King Tower, on the 44th floor at 8 pm

And…send. 

Elain: What’s happening?

She responded almost immediately and Ruhn smiled. 

Ruhn: Are you going to meet me?

Elain: I will. But should I worry?

Ruhn: Don’t need to worry.

Elain: What is this about?

Ruhn: Surprise.

Elain: I hate surprises! Tellllll meeeeeeeee.

He chuckled, imagining her cute little face, and how she was probably bouncing on her heels, like she always did when she wanted something. 

Ruhn: Nope, beautiful. But you can lube up your ass for me, like a good girl.

A lengthy pause.

He frowned wondering if he pushed it too hard.

He wanted to make it a joke, but it was his way of asking for it, and he hoped that she understood.

Elain: What? You wanna do the butt stuff?

Ruhn: When don’t I want to do the butt stuff? Will you surprise me?

Elain: I thought you were the one doing the surprising?

Ruhn: You want me to lube up my ass? As my lady commands. 

The conversation made him smile. Their conversations always devolved into something ridiculous, but that’s what he loved about Elain. He didn't know what to expect, and that was good. 

He wouldn’t have minded some anal. Just the two of them. For the first time, between Ruhn and Elain. 

The first time was special. Absolutely unforgettable. Completely, utterly amazing. Was it the best anal he’s ever had? Yes. Yes. Yes. No contest. But his brothers were there, there was the nervousness and the pressure of the ‘first time’ and now, he yearned to relive it again, but intimately, with just Elain and him.

But first, the date. 

~

Elain had no idea what was going on. Though she tried to figure it out and even texted Ruhn a few times during the day, he didn’t respond or was very vague in his answers. Which annoyed and frustrated Elain to no end, and she couldn’t concentrate at the shop and even messed up a bouquet and had to re-make it. 

Therefore, by the time it was 7:46pm, she was stomping across the lawn, heading from her house to the looming skyscraper that was the King Tower, which housed the King Enterprises, Azriel’s office, their businesses and the security arm of business. She took herself up to the 44th floor, using the secret elevator which only the family utilised. Floors 44-53 were where most of the businesses and offices were located, but it being almost 8 pm, she didn’t expect anyone to still be here. However, once she came out of the elevator and walked down the dimly lit hallway which had an original Rothko hanging on the wall, she was stopped in her tracks, because she saw Ruhn. And some woman. And she was the type of woman that was impossible to miss–statuesque, wearing neck-breaking stilettos, reedy thin, with perfect make up at eight in the evening! She wore an expensive satin blouse with a giant bow on the side and an elegant, tight skirt. Ruhn looked relaxed, propped against the wall, his massive arms folded over his chest. He wore a Guns-n-Roses t-shirt, black jeans and boots. His long hair was braided in a tight, neat braid. The woman said something, her perfectly manicured hand lightly touching his forearm, and he laughed, easily and openly. Then he said something, and she laughed as well, throwing her head back and exposing her throat to him.

They looked like they knew each other, because there was familiarity and an ease in their gestures. 

Elain didn’t think of herself as a jealous person, but she totally was. She didn't like her men talking to strange, attractive women. Especially when she looked the way that she looked right now–wearing Converse, cutoff denim shorts and Ruhn’s hoodie, which she picked up on the way out, because the evening was promising to be chilly. She dabbed some lip gloss on her lips and her wild hair was barely tamed in a messy bun.

Ruhn noticed her at last, his handsome face breaking into a welcoming smile. It was a nice smile. Genuine and happy. Like he was glad to see her, and the glamazon next to him didn’t matter. Ruhn was not an expressive man. Generally speaking, he maintained the same expression around people and whether he was angry, happy, hungry or murderous remained a secret for most. But Elain knew how to read him, just as she knew how to read Azriel. And currently, Ruhn was thrilled. 

“Ellie, you made it!” he gave a brief, disinterested hug to the gorgeous woman, and she winked at him and then smiled at Elain, as she passed them by and headed to the elevator.

“Well, you said 8 o’clock,” Elain crossed her arms and let some of her displeasure bounce off of him. Let him know that she was pissed.

“I did!” he nodded and then wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “And you are here.”

“Who was that?” she demanded rudely and impatiently.

He glanced at the elevator and the shrugged,

“Oh, that’s Em,”

“Who is she?”

He grinned and then growled and butted her face with his, biting softly on the apple of her cheek. She attempted to swat him away, screeching loudly, but he only laughed and licked her face like a dog.

“You are gross!”

“Yeah, grossly in love with you,” he agreed and then stopped and cupped her face in his hands.

She looked up at him, feeling both insecure and elated. 

“I love you too,” she murmured quietly. “That girl is very beautiful,”

“She is,” he nodded. Watching Elain’s scowl, he barked a laugh and then softly, tenderly, kissed her lips. “She is also very, very queer and Cerrdiwen’s girlfriend. So…..”

“Oh.”

Oh.

“I…I, that’s,” she mumbled, while he chuckled, “it’s not how I meant it…I mean…”

He pulled her to him and kissed the top of her head. 

“Yeah, I know what you meant–jealous little thing you are.”

“I am so not!”

“Oh, you so are.”

“Ohmygod!” 

Elain gasped audibly.

“What is all this?!” 

Ruhn tugged her by the hand and said, “Come on, beautiful.”

“You did this?” she gawked at the romantic setup.

They were on the roof of the building, 55 stories up in the air, the shimmering cityscape of Manhattan all around them. Millions upon millions of lights twinkled and sparkled all around them, and the noise of the city was muffled this high up. 

“I did do this,” he confirmed, looking slightly tense, maybe a bit uncomfortable.

She clutched his hands in hers and looked around, face full of wonder.

“But why?”

“Wanted to go on a date,” he muttered gruffly. 

“I love dates!”

“I hope I did okay,” he rubbed the back of his neck.

He didn’t miss her wearing his hoodie, and how sexy she looked in it. Not really sexy–the thing swallowed her whole–but to him, it was the sexiest damn thing there was. His woman, huddling in his clothes for warmth, getting his smell all over her.

A fluffy comforter pulled out from the closet. Check.

Another blanket, in case Elain got cold. Check.

A chocolate and caramel cupcake. Four bonbons. Two truffles. One glazed doughnut. A small loaf of bread. Check.

A bag of chips and a tub of dip. Check.

A bottle of Fanta. Check.

A chunk of cheddar. The good stuff. English. Check.

A bottle of Prosecco. Check.

Elain considered the odd assortment of foods, while Ruhn glared at her, his gaze hopeful, and seeking approval.

“The bakery didn’t have a lot of stuff left,” he explained quickly, and then added nervously, “and I know you love cheese.”

“I do love cheese,” she confirmed and then breathed, “it’s perfect! It’s a nighttime picnic!”

He smiled broadly,

“Yeah…yeah. Exactly.”

So what if there was expensive cheese, and cheap dip and potato chips, which made no sense? So what if there was Fanta on the menu? It was perfect.

Elain leapt into his arms and gushed,

“It’s perfect! It’s everything I ever wanted.”

“You wanted to go on a picnic?”

“Always! I love this!”

“Okay, well, sit down then,” he offered her, pulling her down on the blanket awkwardly.

He was terrible at this date thing, and Elain’s heart burst into a thousand million sparks of love for him.

He wasn’t confident and sleek like Azriel, or experienced and loose like Fenrys. He wasn’t even like Cassian, with his smirks and his fast mouth. He wasn’t brooding and amorous like Lorcan. 

This was Ruhn. Her Ruhn. A brutal, terrifying gang leader, who strung people from bridges in a cruel and odious display of power and dominance, someone who once shot seven people in a span of 13 seconds, a guy who cut off someone’s balls and then delivered them in a package, complete with a rose, to the man’s wife. Ruhn did a lot of crazy, unhinged, violent things. 

But he didn’t know how to date. And he loved her, his wife. 

He sat cross-legged next to her, and fumbled with his phone.

“I have some music,” he said, uncertainty lacing his voice, “or if you want to watch today’s Manchester City versus Arsenal match–we can do that,”

Elain smiled at him, and then keened towards his large body and pressed her lips to his neck, lacing her fingers with his.

“I love you so much,” she whispered, feeling the pulse of his jugular under her lips.

“I love you too,” he said softly, and then pulled her hair out of the bun and his nose brushed against her cheek. “So much.”

“The music,” she requested. “Let’s do the music tonight.”

Of course he realised too late that he forgot to bring any cutlery, plates or even glasses. 

Fuck his life!

But thankfully, there were napkins in one of the bags, and Elain didn’t even bat an eye. She smoothly arranged the napkins like place settings for them, and Ruhn handed her a knife–not one of his murder knives, thank god–and she sliced the bread and the cheese. He popped the cork on the Prosecco and it was cold enough not to bubble violently over everything. 

“Sorry baby,” he whispered and she laughed, took the bottle, and pulled a healthy swig of the bubbly. Patting her thigh, she had him lay his head on it, and then tore into the chips and dip and fed him a hefty helping of both.

He smiled, looking up at the starless skies above and lightly wrapped his arm around her bare leg, before kissing the inside of her knee. She plopped a piece of cheese in his mouth, and then said,

“I didn’t know you were romantic like that,”

“I really am not,” he protested.

“I don’t know,” she tutted. “Champagne, and pastries and a picnic.”

“Just keep it to yourself, beautiful,” he suggested with a grin.

“Street cred?” she confirmed knowingly.

“You know it.”

The music that they were listening to was mellow and old-fashioned. Elain sang along to some of the songs, because it was all the stuff she grew up on–Sinatra, Dean Martin, old Italian songs.

“How do you have these songs?” she demanded, bobbing along to ‘Pennies in Heaven’.

“Ummm,” he grunted, looking embarrassed. “It’s a Pandora radio station. Italian dinner…”

“You even thought of that?” she stroked his forehead, tucking his silky black hair behind his ear.

He shrugged like it wasn't a big deal.

“I know you like this music. So I thought it would be a good soundtrack to the date.”

“Strangers in the Night” came on just then and he sang along quietly, 

Strangers in the night

Exchanging glances,

Wondering in the night

What were the chances

We’d be sharing love before the night was through

Elain squeezed his hand and asked shyly,

“Dance with me?”

“Any time, sunshine,” he sat up and then wrapped his arm around her, and landed them both on their feet, as he swept her in a wide, exaggerated circle across the rooftop. It was a nice rooftop, made for parties and dancing and celebrations. Now it was empty, the space entirely theirs, the lights of the city and Frank’s smooth voice as their only companions. 

“You must really love me,” Ruhn mused, watching Elain’s elated face, as he spun her around. His hoodie, which she tied around her waist, flared dramatically, like a ball gown. 

She laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck, and he lifted her off the ground and waltzed with her, as she dangled next to him, his arm supporting her entire weight.

“I do,” she nodded, giggling, her converse-clad feet floating above his boots, “but what gave it away?”

“I am gonna go with you opting to dance with me, and eat cheese and laugh and listen to music, instead of watching football. And that was one hella big game too!”

“I love you more than football,” she confessed, looking into his brilliant, cold blue eyes. “I want to date you more than I want to watch football.”

He smoothed her hair lovingly with his available hand and whispered,

“I want to date you too. More than anything.”

Suddenly, the sky came alive.

Elain gasped and stared open-mouthed at the Thursday night fireworks.

“Oh my god! I forgot about these!” she cried out, her face happy and brightly illuminated by the explosions of green and purple and pink. He held her to himself, and looked up at the sky as well, where giant flowers blossomed and stars streaked across the darkness and exploded in silvery glitter.

The song switched to ‘My Way’, its bombastic, dramatic vocals and lyrics a perfect foil for the fireworks. Ruhn carried Elain back to the blanket, and then lay down, spread-eagled and threw their heads back, watching the show. 

“Wow,” she marvelled. “This is the best!”

“You like it, beautiful?”

She pointed to the sky and whispered,

“That’s how I feel with you, Ruhn. Like my heart explodes with love when I am around you. I dunno why.”

“I don’t mind,” he pulled her into his embrace and kissed her brow. “I don’t mind at all.”

She flipped onto her belly and pressed her lips to his. 

“Can I ask you something?” she inquired.

“Obviously. Because you will, regardless of what I say,” he smiled at her, his large, warm palm sliding down her back and cupping her ass.

“Okay, okay,” she pouted, but obviously his comment didn’t deter her from asking,

“If you didn’t have to do any of this…Like, if you could do anything, what would you do?”

“You are assuming I don’t like killing,”

“No, I am not. Perhaps you do. Obviously, you don't have any qualms about it. But I don’t know if you woke up one day and decided to become an assassin and an enforcer. So if you didn’t, then what would you do?”

Ruhn scrubbed his hand over his face and then looked at her, before kissing her gently. He was nice tonight. Softer than usual. Elain wondered if it was going to last.

“A house husband,” he announced easily.

“What?”

“That’s what I’d be–a house husband.”

She frowned thinking that he was joking.

The fireworks were still exploding above them and he popped a cigarette between his lips and lit up. 

“Honestly,” he turned on his side and brushed her cheek with his knuckles, “that’s what I want to do. Or rather, I don’t want to do anything. I want to tattoo, paint and sketch, and do fuck all else otherwise. If Az needed me to go and whack someone, I’d do it. But I’d love to be a house husband–keep a tidy, elegant home, do some cooking, some entertaining,”

“Are you for real?”

He shrugged,

“Why not? Everyone assumes that every man is full of wild ambition and needs to do stuff all the time. I don’t need to do anything. 

“My ideal life would be to wake up, fuck you, go get a professional shave at the barber’s, stop for a coffee, read the paper, shoot the shit with Cass, go to my shop, sketch, tattoo, meet you for lunch, fuck you, eat with you, maybe fuck you again a little bit. Go back to the shop, then maybe wander around some galleries, look at art, pick up stuff for dinner, go to the gym, pick you up from work, have a cocktail. On occasion, I’d talk business with Az and Fen. Dinner. Maybe even cook it myself for all of you. Have a couple more cocktails, play in the pool, play cards, fuck you.”

“How many times a day are you planning to fuck me?” she pondered.

“I dunno. Five-ish?”

“You are ambitious.”

“A man can dream,” he concluded, puffing out a cloud of smoke, his expression pensive and thoughtful. Like describing her perfect life made him wish for it to be true.

Elain sat up, and his palm landed on her upper thigh, squeezing lightly, while he made a little disgruntled noise when she separated from him.

“Come back,” he urged her, opening up his arm for her, but she just looked at him, cocking her head. Then she reached into her pocket and took something out, but didn’t show him.

“Do you still want to do it?” she asked at last.

“Do what?”

“You know,” and she tossed whatever she was holding atop of his chest. He craned his neck and picked up a tube, looking at it in confusion.

“Anal,” she pressed. “Do you want it?”

“Huh…Yeah,” he finally managed to say, looking dazed. 

Finally, when he dawned upon him what she was offering, he sat up abruptly and she laughed at his eagerness.

“You serious?” he pressed, twisting the tube of lube in his fingers.

She nodded and whispered, “Yeah. I want to do it again.”

“Did you like it the first time?” he asked.

“It was a lot,” she admitted. “But I loved it…how you did it.”

She blushed, and unbuttoned her shorts. 

Ruhn almost tore the shorts off her slender thighs, rolling them down so quickly, it almost gave her a fabric burn. 

“Take everything off,” he ordered, as he pulled his t-shirt over his head, his icy blue eyes never leaving hers, “leave the keds.”

She was completely naked in front of him in less than a minute, but still wearing her converse, her long hair spilling all over her body. He crawled towards her over the blanket and kissed her knee, parting her legs carefully, eyeing her pink slit. 

“How do you want it?” he asked, his voice hoarse, his rough, large palms smoothing over her inner thighs, parting her legs even further, opening her up bit by bit.

“How you’d normally give it to me,” she requested shyly, stroking his arm. “Rough. Deep. How you always do it.”

He looked at her intently, seeking any hesitation or falseness, but found none.

“I love you, Ruhn,” she reminded him calmly. “Just the way you are. If you are going to ride my ass, I want you to ride it like Ruhn would.”

He smirked and spread her legs widely, as she slid back and propped herself on her elbows, watching him and his ravenous gaze, tracking the movement of his eyes, as they took in her wet, slick pussy, before he pushed her back a bit, so he could see her other hole.

“Did you lube it up for me?” he raised his brow, just as his finger slipped from her opening, dragging some of the moisture down below.

“Nope,” she popped her lips. “My holes are yours, but you do the work.”

He grinned savagely and nodded, muttering, “just like I like it!”

The sight of her so nicely spread for him, so ready and willing made his dick hard as a fucking rock and he knew he’d have to pace himself, because he was in danger of blowing his load before he even got inside that sweet ass.

“Spread it for me a little bit, sweetheart,” he urged her, “show me how much you want it.”

She looked so adorable like this: completely naked, with her large, round breasts and the soft thighs, and the little keds, which skirted the edge of some sort of fetish, but he wasn’t going to think about that now. Not when she reached down, and pulled her cheeks apart for him, opening that cute little hole a bit more. She was looking at him, biting her lower lip, her ass nicely stretched, and he brought the tip of his dick to her lips. She kissed it immediately, and caught a bead of precum with the tip of her tongue, gliding her tongue over the smooth cockhead.

“Put it in, Runnie,” she requested with a pout. “I want it!”

“Do you want me to stretch you a little bit first, beautiful?” he asked, and dipped his cock between her folds, gathering some of the slick with his shaft. She shuddered when he brushed over her clit a few times, her back arching, her hands kneading her pale lovely butt cheeks impatiently.

“No,” she moaned. “I want to feel it…How you fill me up.”

He wasn’t going to argue and squirted a generous amount of lube between her cheeks, before placing her feet on his shoulders and pushing her legs way back, as he leaned into her. 

“Relax, sunshine,” he kissed her lips softly, with a kind, soothing kiss, seeing how she tensed beneath him. “I am going to make it good for you. But your pretty asshole belongs to me, doesn’t it?” he asked, while the tip of his cock circled the tight rim of her anus. “Will you give it to me like my good girl?”

“I am your good girl,” she muttered, as she looked between their bodies, back to biting her lip in anticipation.

“That’s right,” he growled, pressing into her tiny hole, as her breath hitched loudly in her chest, “and good girls get their tushies fucked,” propping himself on one arm above her shoulder, he pushed his cock forward, breaching the ring and eliciting a loud, pained moan from her. 

Fuck it felt good. So good. 

Her head lolled back, as her thighs trembled around his shoulders, as she took inch after inch after inch of his thick shaft inside her narrow, scorching hot rectum.

He knew he’d never get enough of this. The sensation of possession, or her complete submission, her sad, pretty moans, the nervous twitching of her long, tight passage was simply amazing. Was ‘amazing’ the right word? It wasn’t enough. Amazing wasn’t enough. 

“Ohmygod. Ohmygod,” she cried out again and again, while he licked his lips, muttering, ‘just a little more, sweetheart. You are taking it all in, my love,”

“Yes, yes,” she gasped quietly, “ohmygod, it’s so much!”

“You like getting your pretty ass filled,” he insisted, “it needs my dick in there,”

“I am having second thoughts!” she complained and he laughed, kissing the top of her head. 

“No you are not,” he tsked. “Look at you! Your hole is packed with dick, just like it’s supposed to be,” he added proudly, bottoming out. 

She bit his chin, his neck, licking mindlessly on whatever she could reach with her tongue and her lips, moaning loudly and unabashedly. She didn’t give a shit if she was making a ton of noise–she was being fucked in the ass by a nine inch dick, and his balls were currently slapping against her skin. She was panting, sweat trickling down her brow, the bead immediately licked by Ruhn’s eager tongue. 

He kept himself fully sheathed inside of her, but didn’t move, though she noticed the strain of his muscles, the tension of his cobbled abdomen and the bulging of his biceps, as he kept himself back and allowed her to adjust.

Taking deep breaths, she nuzzled into his neck and whispered, “you can move now.”

He exhaled and replied, “give me a sec, beautiful.”

He smiled against his skin, realising that he was straining not only to keep himself in check, but also to keep himself from coming. 

“Do I feel good for you?” she asked, kissing him around the ear. “Is my poor ass nice for your mammoth cock?”

“Better than anything!” he assured her and then pulled back at last, before gliding back inside.

The drag of his dick was mesmerising. The most glorious feeling that Elain could imagine. Sure, she loved orgasms–who didn’t?--but it was this that she cherished. The long pull of the thick length, emptying her almost completely, before filling her back up. God she loved it. It was so painful, the burn acute and deep, as her passage accommodated the unbelievably tight fit of him in her, but it also felt absolutely indescribable. 

“God, you are so big,” she choked out, knowing that she probably shouldn't be stroking Ruhn’s massive ego right now, because his cock’s been praised and admired plenty, but she couldn’t help it. He was huge, and he felt so, so good inside of her.

He fucked her with deep, firm, but languid thrusts, only his hips working atop of her thighs. He readjusted his position, lifting himself off of her, and holding her feet to his shoulders, while he pumped hard into her ass. Her tits bounced and jumped with every powerful push, and he was watching her huff and grunt beneath him, ordering her to ‘keep your cheeks spread, sweetheart. Are you my sweet girl?”

“Yes,” she nodded, knowing that she was weak and needy for him, and would probably do anything to have him continue pounding into her ass. “I love it,” she moaned. “I love it so much…”

He smirked indulgently at her, nodding slowly,

“I know, sweetheart. I know. That little hole was made just for me. You can take more, can’t you?”

She nodded, watching his stunning body flex and work atop of her. All the ink, the sensational musculature, the smooth, dark golden skin painted with intricate designs–a living canvas of chaos. 

“Isn’t it good to be mine?” he asked.

“Always, my house husband,” he smiled widely at him, relishing the glorious burn and build up of pleasure inside of her. 

He barked a laugh, nosing against her nose, whispering, “Not yet. But something to aspire to.”

Elain knew that Ruhn was holding himself back a little with her, and she appreciated it. He was loving her in his usual manner–forceful, open, unrestrained, yet slightly more careful and caring. Her clit demanded attention, and without her even saying anything, he was already on it, his thumb pressing on it firmly and rubbing steadily. 

“Oh it’s good, it’s good,” her eyes closed and she indulged in all the sumptuous, gorgeous, erotic sensations that currently engulfed her body. The even, unfaltering rhythm of his cock in her ass brought her to an orgasm quicker than she anticipated, and she shook and screamed until she was hoarse, not caring about anything, but the beautiful slamming of his cock and the magic of his finger. 

Ruhn wasn’t far behind. His arms clasped her now-pliant, softened body, and he pulled her up into his embrace, holding her like a ragdoll on his lap, as he fucked easily into her, and she kissed him sleepily, draping her arms around his shoulders.

He finished deep inside of her, hot and abundant, and didn’t release her from his hold for a long time, kissing her and stroking her hair.

“Noooo, not yet,” she pleaded, when he made a move to withdraw.

He kissed her again and smiled, laying both of them on their side, his soft cock still nestled inside of her, just like she wanted. 

“Let’s eat more chips and drink Fanta!” she proposed decisively.

Ruhn chuckled, arguing, “this is supposed to be a romantic date. Chocolates and music and wine,”

In turn, she reminded him, “Instead, we got chips and dip and dancing and anal. All of my favourite things!”

He hummed to himself and thought that this was not a bad first date.

Not a bad date at all.

[ghostgirlvii]

Gamer bro complaining about CoD being bullshit/dead/annoying with cheaters and campers/just being sooo raging in general, meanwhile I just vibe to the campaign/the 141 and it be like;

Had to leave a Fb group cuz it was more salty and complaining than anything lol

[dracolizardlars]

I always just find it amusing on the odd occasion I am the target of Salty Gamer Rage (my sole engagement with online gaming which has chat is Random Battles on Pokemon Showdown) but for some reason I find it even funnier when it's in foreign languages. Especially as someone just unintentionally taught me a new Spanish curse word

[katyspersonal]

Bro, the existence of dragons fills you with primordial rage despite them not being THAT hard to fight, it's probably just you liking Malenia lol. Had she been a dragon you'd be salty right now ahahah

You little SHIT, you absolute DUNCE, you FAKER, you POSER, what the heck do you MEAN "not that hard to fight uwu" 👀👀👀 I've had ENOUGH with these fucking dragons, I NEVER can beat them without spirit ash summon, your advice to "just stay around their legs" is not even helpful because they just stomp me, HOW THEY'RE NORMAL 👀 I can NOT "git gud" with the dragons specifically and this is the sole reason I am so unwilling to explore Farum Azula 👀

sdjfhds okay okay fuck serious talk now xd Yeah that's true.. For someone who is certainly not a "real" gamer (since my skills suck so bad at Soulsborne and my strategy is 'grind and muscle-memory until you become a god'), I do have a little too much of the gamer rage. xd I mean- you barely survived my all-incinerating fury when I was trying to get through Ordina with you in the call, isn't it so? Yeah I guess I just could not find myself being mad at Malenia herself. I suppose having personal attachement to a character negates the gamer rage, whereas things like dragons or those fiends on the wolves that would not stop shooting me are just 'mobs' :')

(Guess I should simply get invested in the lore of every dragon individually to start being chill about the fights..)

[nrc-ramshackle-prefect]

If I had to rate everyone that I know in this world, It would be a little list something like this.

Riddle: 8/10. A little too strict, but he’s kind to me.

Ace; 8/10. He’s chill. Could be better though, hes a little dumb and kind of a jackass.

Deuce; 8.5/10. Kinder than Ace, a lot more understanding.

Cater; 7/10. I like him.. He’s just really overbearing.

Trey; 7/10. To be honest, He creeps me out a little. I brush my teeth, damnit.

Leona; 1.5/10. He’s a fucking asshole to me, and I hate him. Hes gotten a little better after I helped whoop his ass during his Overblot though. 100% could and would kick his ass again.

Jack; 8.7/10! He’s nice, he just doesnt know how to show it. We go jogging together every morning!

Ruggie; 9/10, surprisingly. He’s super sweet and he gets all happy and excited when I cook for him.. Its really cute, honestly. I swear I heard him purring once.

Azul; 8.8/10! He’s nice, and he understands me well. I help him out sometimes, and I try my best to stay on his good side.

Jade; 7/10. In my opinion, The more.. Terrifying of the Leech Twins. At least with Floyd you can tell when he’s pissed at you..

Floyd; 8.9/10. He’s just a little little guy who’s most likely going to get arrested one day. Probably soon.

Kalim; 9.9/10!! Such a sweet, silly little guy. Lighten up on the gifts though.. I dont need all’at.

Jamil; 8.9/10. He’s actually really nice, and I like to help him out. He’s really stressed.

Vil; 10/10. He’s completely understanding of me, and sometimes we go on outings together.

Epel; 9/10. He’s both cute and manly at the same time. Yeah, sure, he’s 5’2, but he could absolutely fucking crush someone if need be.

Rook; 4/10.. He’s nice enough.. but GODS he’s terrifying.

Idia; 10/10. Gamer boys are just so awesome.

Ortho; 10/10, sweetest little thing you ever could see.

Malleus; 10/10. Tsunotaru is a wonderful person.

Silver; 8/10. He fell asleep on me once and I didnt have the heart to move him. Or the squirrel in my lap. He’s super nice, too.

Sebek; 5/10.. He’s so loud. My ears are super sensitive, so I cant be around him for long.. He’s.. kinda nice though. Ish.

Lilia; 9/10. I hate it when he spooks me, but he’s nice and we spend a lot of time gaming together with Idia! Who would’ve guessed he’s as old as he is.

Crowley; 0/10. Absolutely not. Absolute raging narcissist.

Prof. Crewel; 8/10. Despite not being able to TAKE Alchemy, I like to help around the lab and the botanical garden.

Prof. Trein; 8/10. He’s a good teacher, and he’s understanding. He had me tell everyone about my world. It was fun. Bonus point cause Lucius is cute.

Coach Vargas; 3/10.. All that muscle grosses me out, and i cant describe how much I wanted to vomit that time I saw him drink a glass of raw eggs.

Sam; 10/10! He’s a really nice staff member, and he gives me a little bit of a discount on things I cant fully afford. Hes very understanding of my situation.

Neige; 0/10. Im still salty about VDC. Also, he’s kind of the reason Vil overblotted.

Che’nya; 10/10. He’s just a silly little guy.

‘Rielle; ?/10. I’ve never actually met him.

Najima; 10/10, shes super sweet and she’s really funny. Its nice to have a female companion when you’re constantly surrounded by men day in and day out.

Rollo; 0/10. What the FUCK is up with that haircut

Ferris; 10/10. He’s adorable, and he can do no harm. He’s like a cat. Soft and squishy.

Sylvette; 10/10. They’re really nice, and they helped me through the whole ‘rollo’ thing and the seven plauges thing.

Honourable mention;

Atlas ( @official-nrc-prophet); 9/10. He’s really nice, If not a little overwhelmed. I hope he's okay.

[jourquet]

i'm that gamer you wouldn't believe exist. the way my luck turns off and on at the most inconvenient moments. it's way too many times i played something for my first time and roasted the pro player. of course, they got salty as fuck. is for a reason i prefer not to game too often, since some people can't take an L with grace. for me, it just makes me want to game more when i lose. i mean, is just pixels on a screen. if i wanted to take out my frustrations properly i would just go hiking like any other norseman around these fjords. rage quitting is overrated, winning mentality isn't.

[oddlyzephyrous]

Ahhh thank you for the tag! First time doing one of these ^_^

Last song: For The Sky by HAERTS and Ed Droste! It's on a playlist I'm building for my D&D character Zoriya!

Fav Color: That's a REALLY hard question, i love most colors a lot! But my faves are jewel tones, like deep violet-blue, crimson red, and deep forest green :D

Last movie/TV show: I re-watched How To Train Your Dragon recently, i'd forgotten how much i LOVE IT. it isn't an exaggeration to say that that movie is a major reason I am who I am today. I was a HUGE dragon girl as a kid. Pretended to be one all the time XD

Sweet, Spicy, or Savory: Savory and spicy!!! I love anything that's salty, sour, or umami, especially things like cheese and savory pastries. I also love spicy food and I'm training myself to be more tolerant to spice so i can enjoy more things!

Relationship status: Single! I'm probably somewhere on the aroace spectrum tbh.

Last thing I googled: ULTRAKILL rocket launcher tips. I'm trying to get better at the game but it's the first FPS I've ever played and I'm not much of a gamer. I'm on that self-improvement grindset tho, I will become cracked at ULTRAKILL soon enough I'm sure :P

Current obsession: Currently I am obsessed with this lovely little game called ULTRAKILL. Mankind is dead, blood is fuel, hell is full, and I'm a little blood-drinking robot about to make an archangel have an existential crisis (and a sexual awakening) by beating the crap outta him. I love this goddamn game.

I'm also really into Badboyhalo and q!Bad (noticing a trend? i love stories about angels and demons XD ) AND ALSO I've gotten really into Hollow Knight!!! If a game has a cool story I GOTTA play it, even if it means playing genres i've never played before!

Ok ok who to tag without feeling too shy... @born-in-hell @komi-love @pomme--bleuet @ultra-raging-ghost feel free to answer! Y'all are cool!

Nine people I'd like to get to know better

WOOPS I did not have time to do this for the past like, week but I've been wanting to bc I love silly little memes like this. Tytyty @ithillia for the tag :3

Last song: All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks by La Dispute (It makes me think about Fives and it hurts so fucking much) 

Favorite colour: GREEN!! and also blue 

Last movie/TV Show: TCW of course, I had a Bad Autism Time™️ and my gf put on the fucking Umbara Arc to calm me down. It worked like a charm what the fuck is wrong w me lmfaooo. 

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: All of the above but spice hurts me. I do it anyway tho, mama raised a little bitch but she didn't raise a quitter lmfaoo. 

Relationship status: So fuckin down bad for my girlfriend hhh 

Last thing you googled: fuckjgn AO3 LMAOOO 

Current obsession: clonesclonesclonesclones forever. I haven't had a special interest/hyperfixation this deep since I was like 12-14 so like this is one of the most important things in my life tbh. Specifically like thinking about how their culture would work, and their solidarity, internal conflicts, shared trauma and how that would relate to those things. Their ideas about personal and cultural identity and how that would vary individually. Things like how their upbringing must have felt, how that affected them and who they became later in life, the things they're taught vs what they truly come to believe once they're out on the field, the psychological effects of O66 on the clones who survived and the devastating impact it must have had- Bro stop me or I'll keep going forever like. I'm in deep and tbh? I wouldn't change it for the world. 

NPT: LMFAO bold of this title to assume that I know 9 people on this site, or am brave enough to tag ppl I haven't talked to often fhsjdmksmf SO if you see this consider yourself tagged. Yes, You. idc if we've never talked It's probably bc I'm too baby, so (unless u don't feel like it) do it 👀 also @mamuzzy and @whatislifewithoutangst if y'all haven't already and wanna do this here u go! 

[seanseabean]

🚫🔫RANGE BLASTER MAINS DO NOT INTERACT🚫🔫

[twistedteam]

Breen's Almost Rage Quit! TwistedTeam Plays Bendy and The Ink Machine [P...

Join Breen as she screams at the lack of controls in the Boris Boss fight, and some familiar faces show up to “Help out?” We don’t know. Breen gets salty.

Also reminder! There is a Destiny 2 stream tonight over at twitch.tv/twistedteam around 9pm(Est)! We hope to see you there!! 

[thefanficmonster]

Hidden Powers

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Abuse allegations, Swearing, Mild melancholy

Genre: Humor, SLIGHT Angst, Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic) - Sorry the genres are all over the place

Summary: A misconception or misunderstanding turned rumor threatens to bring down Corpse’s entire career, but luckily, Y/N knows better than to stand aside and let it happen.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your request and I’m so sorry for the long wait but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the fic if you happen to come across it. Love, Vy ❤

“Fuck this game!“ Y/N yells out in frustration as she is met with the screen informing her of her failure - aka death - for the fifth time in the past hour. “Has anyone ever even passed night four? I’m sure the king of FNAF Markiplier has but I’m also sure he hasn’t done it one a livestream! And my big mouth really had to go ahead and swear not to end this stream until I pass this God forsaken night, ughhh!“

Typically, Y/N’s quite the fearful rat when playing horror games, especially when home alone like right now, but this FNAF game has gradually turned her into a raging gamer instead. Not raging as in kicking ass at the game but as in the game kicking the ass of her sanity. She’s been struggling with this specific night for a while - the better half of her previous stream and an hour into today’s. Well, seeing how little progress she’s making with each try, it’s gonna be way more than an hour into today’s livestream as well. She’ll be lucky if she manages to get past it before hitting the three hour mark or just rage quitting which she’s bound to do eventually if her gameplay keeps going at this rate.

Another try later, she’s once again jumpscared into a failure screen that’s practically mocking her at this point. Throwing her arms above her head, Y/N sighs heavily, the frustration she’s harboring becoming more and more evident in her body language. ��You know what, I need a break. Lemme see what you guys are saying in the chat.”

Scrolling through comments upon comments greeting her, sending her compliments and some trolling her with some hateful remarks she comes across a question which makes her brows furrow. That same question is repeated by a few other people but they fly by so quickly she doesn’t manage to catch the people’s usernames.

“A bruise on my arm? Where?“ She says out loud as she inspects both her arms, looking for what her chat had been talking about. That’s when her eyes eyes land on the purple mark on the skin just above her right elbow. She laughs, “Oh this? I know I’m a clumsy person but Corpse is to blame for this one.“

Little does the girl know, her boyfriend, who’s currently in his own apartment instead of camping out at hers, is watching this very stream, laughing his ass off remembering how that bruise came to be.

His laughter is cut short though when he catches glimpse of Y/N’s chat which suddenly floods with concern from her fans - assumptions and allegations of him being an abusive boyfriend starting to pollute the previously cheerful comment section. His stomach turns, for many reasons, each reason making it tighten in a worse and more painful knot. 

The first blow comes from people actually coming up with such a thing. How could they even allow their minds to wander to such a dark and disgusting place where he’d be even remotely an abuser.

The second blow to his heart is delivered by the fact that people believed it. How and why could people believe such an absurd idea?! How low did these people think of him? What kind of piece of shit did he come off as to some people?

And the third is the mental image the idea gives him. It’s such a fucked up scene, he can’t even conjure it up, he can’t mentally picture it. Hell, he could and would never even raise his voice at Y/N. He’d never dare upset her or hurt her feelings let alone hurt her....like that!

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!“ Y/N’s gasp reaches him as though it was meant to fish him out of the downward spiral he started going down with these overwhelmingly dark thoughts, “What’s with this nonsense some of y’all are spewing in the chat?!“ She sounds downright angry and irritated, ready to fight whoever will continue spreading these rumors about her lovely boyfriend whom she absolutely adores. “Guys, I mean, seriously?! Do you have any idea what you’re talking about and WHO you’re talking about? Do we have the same Corpse in mind here? I doubt we do - you have some villainized, abusive version, and I have the loving boyfriend who tried to teach me how to handle a lightsaber so we can have a lightsaber fight and my dumbass used my own weapon against me. Yeah, I was pretty salty Corpse laughed his heart out while I was cringing in pain, but man, you guys take it farther than the farthest.“ Seeing his sweet, kind and non-confrontational girlfriend who always avoids conflict at all costs turn into this protective lioness because someone is talking shit about him is heartwarming and scary at the same time. “Y’all better shut the hole where these fucked up rumors surfaced from before you get one of the most innocent, loving and caring individuals in hot water for the BS you came up with! Copy? You better.“

Corpse has never in his entire life seen the topic of a stream chat change so quickly, the rumor never once getting brought up again.

That’s some serious power right there - power he never knew Y/N possessed because of her cute and soft exterior. Now he knows what kinda beast of a woman he’s dating - one prepared to do anything to protect him, no matter who from. And damn does that make him feel emotional and loved despite the shit that just happened. She can make him forget all the bad within the blink of an eye - that too is another superpower of hers, but this one he’s known about from the very start.

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[literaphobe]

how do you cope with dream negativity? its so toxic

i p much never get it in my inbox anymore, i try and stay away from it as much as i can too outside of tumblr. im not entertaining it. if ur still hella misinformed on dream or hate him for stupid dumb reasons that’s on you. i hope he face reveals and you feel this uncontrollable urge to fuck him. remember that one hater who saw the dream suit tiktok and lost their entire mind and wanted to hate fuck him. so funny. i hope millions of gamers who are salty about him get insatiable rage boners. fuck all of u

[sleepy-belphie]

I have a request if you’re up for it. An MC who just arrived in the Devildom who’s lover just dumped them the day prior. The bros know MC isn’t emotionally or romantically available at the time but the bros still fall in love regardless. How will the bros handle the situation? Thank you! 🙏💗

Hi! I sort of took this idea and ran with it and wrote basically a headcanon short story for each bro lmao. Sorry I got a bit carried away but I hope you like this and it satisfies you! :) 

Also thank you so much @midnight-dome for the help with Asmo, you’re a lifesaver

Tags: @kawaiiblack

~~~~~

Lucifer:

The success of the program depends on your wellbeing

So he checks in on you every other day like clockwork 

“Is there anything you need to make your stay more comfortable?”

You always say no

At first, he’s glad you’re staying in 

Because it means less trouble for him

But when you skip all of your classes one day, he comes to your room ready to give you a firm reminder of your tasks here

He’s about to knock when he hears you sob 

Now, Lucifer has heard a lot of crying in his life

But he’s never heard someone sound so completely broken

He shocks himself when he turns on his heels and walks away

He shocks himself even more when he texts the group chat and demands everyone leaves you alone for the day

That evening he comes into your room with a small plate of food

By then you were are least on top of your sheets

You knew he was gonna ask the same question as always

But this time, his words were different

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Help?” 

He simply nods

And though he didn’t outright say what he meant by help, you knew

“I...don’t know?”

“Hm, okay. I’m going to listen to some music in my study. The door will be unlocked should you wish to join me.”

Then he’s gone

The few precious moments Lucifer isn’t working, he prefers to not be disturbed

So why on earth did he invite you to join him in his study?

He doesn’t have time to ponder it because the door opens and you come in with a blanket wrapped around you

The first night you both listen in comfortable silence

A few nights in, you start asking Lucifer about the records he puts on and he has no qualms educating you on it

On night 10 you tell him about the breakup

Once you’re done he, again, asks the same question

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

‘You’ve done more than enough to help me Lucifer, thank you.”

He finds himself blushing from the sincerity in your eyes and the warmth in your smile

That night you fall asleep before the record finishes

Surely you’d wake up aching if he left you in a chair

So he picks you up, carries you to your room, and tucks you into bed carefully

He tells himself he’s doing it for Diavolo

It’s for the program, this is his job

He’s gonna need time to accept his own feelings before he can tell you anything

For now, he’ll keep doing his “job” and spending evenings with you

Mammon:

He didn’t want to be your babysitter

He was a busy guy! He had stuff to do, money to make, things to steal

Some days he gets Beelzebub to keep an eye on you so he can do what he wants

One night in particular he heads to your room to make sure you won’t interfere with his plans

“Yo! The Great Mammon has things to do so don’t-”

He pauses when he sees you sitting on your bed with your headphones plugged into your laptop

He would have assumed you were just watching a sad movie by the tears streaks on your face

But the pain in your eyes…

He’s seen that look before

His brothers held that same look the day they fell from Heaven and lost Lilith

Mammon sits on the bed and you jump, finally noticing him

You expected him to make fun of you but instead, he grabs the tissue box on your bedside table and hands it to you

He glances at your laptop to see what you were watching and sees a paused video of you and someone else

You tell him about the breakup and Mammon listens closely

“What a jerk! Ya deserve better than that! I’d teach ‘em a lesson if they ever showed their face around here!”

You smile for the first time since he came in the room and he feels like he’s done something right

“How about we get some late-night food? I know a 24-hour restaurant with the best baked newt ever. Your treat.”

He’s shocked when you agree

He makes a point to hang out with you more often

He can’t recall exactly when you went from “a human” to “his human” 

Maybe it was when you held his hand while you erased all your photos and videos of your ex from your computer

Or when you texted him at 3am because you couldn’t sleep and before he could even think about it he was up and on his way to your room

Or when he spotted you in one of his jackets while walking home from RAD

But his greed was kicking in and he wanted you to be his and only his

However, much like he puts himself first, he knows you need to do the same

So though his nature and mind wants to kiss you silly and have you for himself

Part of him knows he’ll ruin things if he lets his greed take over

So he’ll fight his nature and try his best to be patient

Leviathan:

He had been playing one of his games online

He’s on a big winning streak and feeling a bit cocky

He sees he’s been matched with someone else so he gets into gamer mode 

Then he loses the first round

He’s a bit shocked and pissed that his streak was now broken but he has to prove his superiority to whoever this opponent was

So he rematches them

And loses again

And again

He loses 7 rounds in a row

By this point he is fuming

So like any salty gamer he sends a very lengthy, angry message to their inbox

Accusing them of using cheats and hacks because there was no way anyone was more skilled than him at this game

He gets a reply a few minutes later

“Um.....is this Leviathan? Avatar of Envy? It’s MC…”

You knew it was Levi because his username is the same across all his social media platforms

Cue Levi barreling into your room a minute later

“How are you so good!? You’re cheating, aren’t you!? You cheater!’

You weren’t cheating, you just had been playing games day in and day out to distract yourself so you got really good at it

Levi all but demands you to come to his room and show him what you know

You were already playing all night anyway so why not play with someone? 

Initially, Levi would have you come over just to show him your tactics 

(Also to get some team wins on his stats because he never has anyone to play with)

But you were actually pretty chill for a normie

Maybe if he exposed you to his otaku ways you would take to them and he wouldn’t be the only one in the house anymore!

You don’t become an otaku but you do get invested in almost every anime he shows you

He starts inviting you over for midnight premieres of new episodes

He starts buying extra merch because what if you wanted one?

He was used to disproving looks from his brothers when he mass buys stuff from Akuzon

But you only smile and listen when he tells you about his new special edition item

You never once judged him and his unconventional ways

This epiphany makes him extra nervous for your weekly hangouts

It was only a matter of time before you came across a break up in an anime

When the episode ended you told him about your break up and how the protagonist reminded you of yourself because they also were taking a break from love

Levi has seen this anime before actually

He remembers how the protagonist reacted to a side character confessing to them and it went bad

So while he knows he likes you, he holds off on saying anything because the last thing he wants is to be a bad story arc in your life

Lucky for him he’s always a flustered blushing mess so you shouldn’t suspect a thing

Satan:

He is the Avatar of Wrath so whenever there is rage, he is aware

He feels anger radiating through the house one day and thinks his brothers are just fighting again

Imagine his surprise when he realizes the source of the anger is coming from your room

He walks in and sees you throwing things around and screaming, your room was destroyed

He sees you’re about to step on some glass and instantly swoops in and picks you up so you don’t hurt yourself

But then you curl up against him and burst into tears

He stands there, not quite sure what to do 

He ends up sitting on the bed and letting you cry for a while

You word vomit about your break up and he listens carefully and notes the anger welling up inside you as you speak

He knows all too well what anger can do to someone and a fragile human shouldn’t have to go through that

“Would you like some tea?”

He can spare 30 minutes for some small talk with the human if it meant that you wouldn’t be left in your thoughts

You look at him like he has three heads but agree because your room is a mess and you don’t wanna deal with it right now

Tea time becomes a daily occurrence and soon enough it escalates to full-on hangouts

Going to the bookstore, going to cat cafes, going wherever you wanted to really

One time you both took a day trip to the human world

Lucifer wasn’t happy to find out his brother and you were gone for an entire day but he lets it go when he sees that you’re smiling genuinely for the first time in weeks

What Satan didn’t expect was how these outings made him feel

He finds himself distracted from his books because he can’t stop thinking about how cute you looked holding that black cat at the cafe

Or how happy you looked when you took him to that ice cream shop in your hometown that you really love

He wakes up and you’re the first thing to pop into his mind

He’s not dumb, he knows he’s fallen in love

But he also knows this isn’t the right time, you aren’t ready

So he’ll keep being there for you as a friend

And if you ever want him to be there as something more, he’ll happily oblige

Asmodeus:

There was a movie night at the House of Lamentation

Today’s movie was an action movie, courtesy of Mammon

Amidst all the face punching and explosions, there was a budding romance between the main characters

After the third obnoxious makeout scene, you leave the room claiming you need to go to the restroom

But you leave just a *little* too fast and Asmo can feel something is up

And he thrives on gossip so he intends to find out what is it

He leaves the room a few minutes later and catches you in the hallway, determined to get you to spill the tea

You tell him about the breakup

He wasn’t prepared for the tea to be so bitter

“Oh. Well, you know what’s good for that? Face masks!” 

He had to save face somehow and beauty was his default

He’s a bit shocked when you agree but you both ditch movie night to do face masks and talk a bit

He decides to share a couple of bad date experiences he’s had to make you feel better

“Trust me, you haven’t felt embarrassment until you have someone vomit Enfield brains on your new pants and shoes while at one of the hottest clubs in the Devildom.”

You spent the entire night giggling and listening to his stories

Devildom products are surprisingly effective on your skin so you keep asking Asmo to show you new products

Plus his company is nice

Self-care days become a common occurrence

Then those self-care days become self-care sleepovers

He starts intentionally waiting to try anything new because he wants you to be there when he does

He buys more of those scented candles you told him smelled nice

A few weeks later you’re having a self-care sleepover again and you have this really cute focused look on your face while painting your nails

He knows he likes you, but this was different than his usual attraction

He didn’t want to fuck you

Well he did but not just fuck you

He wouldn’t mind if there was something more

But you routinely ended your self-care nights by yelling ‘Fuck love!’ at the top of your lungs and laughing

So he knows now isn’t the time and he’s actually okay with that

You were a sight to behold regardless of his relationship status with you

But he hopes you’ll indulge in him one day

Beelzebub:

Mammon keeps pushing his human watching duties on Beel

But he doesn’t really care because he’s being paid in cheesecake

After his third day of keeping an eye on you, he notices you aren’t eating much

Being the Avatar of Gluttony, this is basically a crime

He starts bringing extra snacks with him when he hangs out with you

“I think the chocolate flavor is better than the vanilla. What do you think?”

He actually doesn’t have a preference 

He just wants to know which snacks you like more so he can bring more of them

He makes a game out of it so you don’t think about how much you’re eating

“It motivates me to work out longer when I get a snack, could you help me?”

You sit on his back and after every pushup, you both eat a bit of whatever snack he has

He keeps going until he thinks you’ve eaten a decent amount

Or you say you’re getting full

Belphie notices that Beel is refilling his snack stash more often but he doesn’t say anything

Beel feels an immense sense of accomplishment when you finish your plate at dinner a few days later

Soon after you tell him about the breakup

“It hit me hard but you made it easier to cope, Beel. These hangouts are the highlight of my day so thank you.”

There’s a certain pang Beel gets in his stomach when he’s really hungry

Somehow your words made that pang happen in his chest

But this didn’t hurt him, quite the opposite actually

He felt good, he felt happy

It was strange for his stomach to be the quiet one while his heart went wild

But this wasn’t a change he minded too much

He wasn’t sure what to make of it but he knows he wants to figure it out with you

And he’ll take his time doing so because he liked how things were now

Belphegor:

He’s intrigued by you after the first week of your stay

He’s never seen a human who slept as much as he did

Frankly, he was impressed

Until Lucifer informed everyone about your recent breakup and made it clear to not upset you

That’s when Belphie realized these were not the leisurely naps he takes, but depression naps

One day he sees you sleeping in the living room and you looked so distressed

Sleeping was meant to be a peaceful state but you looked so unhappy

So he wakes you up

“You’re in my sleeping spot.”

You weren’t in his sleeping spot.

“Oh sorry, I’ll move-”

“You’re already here. We can both fit.” 

Before you can protest he’s all comfy next to you and falling back asleep

Having another person next to you was kind of comforting so you let it go and go back to sleep

What you didn’t know was Belphie could partially influence your dreams

He can make them more pleasant but he can’t control what you dream about

He knows it works when he wakes up and you have a relaxed expression on your sleeping face

You wake up soon after looking confused

“Good dream?”

“I think? I had a dream I rode a unicorn to the moon then carved my initials into it?”

Napping together in the living room becomes a routine

And every time you woke up you told him about the dream you had with a small smile

A few weeks later he notices he no longer has to influence your dreams for them to be good

So he leaves you be and instead curls up in the attic for his afternoon nap

He wakes up a bit when he feels someone lay down next to him

It’s probably Beel

“Why didn’t you tell me you moved napping spots?”

His eyes open and he looks over to see you pouting at him

“I just sorta ended up here.”

“Well, I can’t nap without my cuddle buddy now can I?”

You’re teasing him and he should be annoyed

But he’s blushing

He spoons you to hide that fact, resting his forehead on your shoulder

But while your dreams were getting better, it didn’t mean you were ready to move on

So he just enjoys his intimate cuddling sessions with you and tries not to think too hard about the fact that he really likes how your body fits against his

[justelrapids]

salty just started punching her desk in anger

my burrito was supposed to arrive 10 mins ago where is heeee