#Saint for undertakers
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St. Dismas Feast day: March 25 Patronage: repentant thieves, prisoners, undertakers
Saint Dismas was the good thief crucified with Jesus on Calvary. This is what St. Luke writes about him: 39 And one of those robbers who was hanged blasphemed him, saying: If thou be Christ, save thyself and us. 40 But the other answering, rebuked him, saying: Neither dost thou fear God, seeing; thou art under the same condemnation? 41 And we indeed justly: for we receive the due reward of our deeds. But this man hath done no evil. 42 And he said to Jesus: Lord, remember me when thou shalt come into thy kingdom. 43 And Jesus said to him: Amen I say to thee: This day thou shalt be with me in paradise. Luke 23:39-43
Prints, plaques & holy cards available for purchase here: {website}
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Patron saint of all dysmorphic, Peeling off my skin to torch it, I can't hide enough, Under a bright light you'd find every crooked line I've got All they taught I read as shameful, How my nature's fatal Now I can't stand when I'm touched, only damage, Hoping this next shot hits, Maybe then I'll forget what they have done
#Music#Christ. This fucking song man#Patron saint of all dysmorphic...#John The Rock Cena Can You Smell What The Undertaker#Hot Mulligan#Body Dysmorphia#Religious Trauma#Trans#Faves#Jams#Spotify
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5-4-3-2-1 book challenge!
another booktok trend i decided to pop into bookblr!! i've watched a million of these so i wanted to make my own!
5 books I love
☄. *. ⋆Books listed:
❥ Madame Restell: The Life, Death and Resurrection of Old New York's Most Fabulous, Fearless, and Infamous Abortionist by Jennifer Wright
❥ Pet by Akwaeke Emezi
❥ The Indifferent Stars Above: The Harrowing Saga of a Donner Party Bride by Daniel James Brown
❥ Iona Iverson's Rules for Commuting by Clare Pooley
❥ Dragonfall by L.R Lam
4 books on my tbr
☄. *. ⋆Books listed:
❥ An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir
❥ The Heart Asks Pleasure First by Karuna Ezara Parikh
❥ The Undertaking of Hart and Mercy by Megan Bannen
❥ The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova
3 books I recommend
☄. *. ⋆Books listed:
❥ Assassin's Apprentice by Robin Hobb
❥ Fireborne by Rosaria Munda
❥ Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo
2 recent 5-star reads
☄. *. ⋆Books listed:
❥ The Six Deaths of the Saint by Alix E. Harrow
❥ Anxious People by Fredrik Backman
1 current read
☄. *. ⋆Books listed:
❥ Royal Assassin by Robin Hobb
(divider credit: @enchanthings )
#54321 book tag#book tag#bookblr#books#books and reading#book reccomendation#madame restell#pet by akwaeke emezi#the indifferent stars above#iona iverson's rules for commuting#dragonfall by l.r lam#an ember in the ashes#the heart asks pleasure first#the undertaking of hart and mercy#the historian by elizabeth kostova#assassin's apprentice#fireborne by rosaria munda#six of crows#the six deaths of the saint#anxious people by fredrik backman#royal assassin by robin hobb
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“Here are the top 30 TikTok book recommendations: 2023 edition. BookTok is known for its varied and vast book recommendations in any conceivable genre from a range of voices. Everyone from casual readers to professional reviewers to authors has the ability to promote books they love on BookTok.
Essentially, a lot of people talk about a lot of books with different levels of success. When discussing BookTok, it is important to acknowledge the bias toward white, cis, straight creators promoting white, cis, straight books. However, if you seek them out, you can find a vast resource of diverse Booktokers promoting equally diverse books. This is also the added lens the algorithm adds to the user experience. TikTok’s algorithm learns from your viewing history in the app, which also applies to BookTok.
The following list comes from compiling various BookTok comment sections on videos about TikTok book recommendations in 2023. Naturally, the list will have the natural bias of my personal algorithm. Nonetheless, backlist books and genre books remain popular in 2023 on BookTok. Similar to the top 25 TikTok book recommendations from 2022, YA, romance, and fantasy books remain popular. Additionally this year, the Trans Rights Readathon increased the recommendation of trans books on BookTok.“
#THE TOP 30 TIKTOK BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS: 2023#tiktok book recomendations#book post#book list#THE FIFTH SEASON BY N.K. JEMISIN#CAN’T SPELL TREASON WITHOUT TEA BY REBECCA THORNE#BLACK SUN BY REBECCA ROANHORSE#A RESTLESS TRUTH BY FREYA MARSKE#THE SIX DEATHS OF THE SAINT BY ALIX E. HARROW#HER MAJESTY’S ROYAL COVEN BY JUNO DAWSON#THE FOXGLOVE KING BY HANNAH WHITTEN#THE UNDERTAKING OF HART AND MERCY BY MEGAN BANNEN#A LADY FOR A DUKE BY ALEXIS HALL#THAT TIME I GOT DRUNK AND SAVED A DEMON BY KIMBERLY LEMMING#ASTRID PARKER DOESN’T FAIL BY ASHLEY HERRING BLAKE#YOU MADE A FOOL OF DEATH WITH YOUR BEAUTY BY AKWAEKE EMEZI#RADIANT SIN BY KATEE ROBERT#THE VERY SECRET SOCIETY OF IRREGULAR WITCHES BY SANGU MANDANNA#SEVEN DAYS IN JUNE BY TIA WILLIAMS#D’VAUGHN AND KRIS PLAN A WEDDING BY CHENCIA C. HIGGINS#ICEBREAKER BY HANNAH GRACE#YELLOWFACE BY R.F. KUANG#OPEN WATER BY CALEB AZUMAH NELSON#TOMORROW AND TOMORROW AND TOMORROW BY GABRIELLE ZEVIN#BUNNY BY MONA AWAD#THE BLOOD TRIALS BY N.E. DAVENPORT#LIGHT FROM UNCOMMON STARS BY RYKA AOKI#THE SUNBEARER TRIALS BY AIDEN THOMAS#HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS AND UNFAIRLY CUTE BY TALIA HIBBERT#FOUL LADY FORTUNE BY CHLOE GONG
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Thirsting Grail, Outergod of Wants and Wounds
Artsource
Adventure Hooks:
While travelling the party encounters a once famed surgeon who seeks their help in undertaking pilgrimage to the distant shrine of a death god. When pressed on her motivation, she reveals that through some curse or divine act of cruelty, those she operates on can never die, but also cannot heal.
There is a tree that grows in the ruins of the old braon’s castle, said to have sprouted from the chopping block upon which he had his wife’s lovers executed. The tree grows no leaves, only flowers, and it’s said that if you make a tea from its blossoms, you will receive a vision of your one ture love. Beings of woven thorn are said to guard the tree, but there are those who would pay desperately to drink of its boughs.
A once peaceful kingdom dissolves into a generations long civil war, any hope of peace drowned beneath a tide of violence, ruination, and grievance that none can hope to escape.
Among the outergods there are none more eager to engage with mortals than the entity known as Thisting Grail. It is a thing of violence and appetite, and seems all too eager to lend its power to those most likely to misuse it, whether they sought it’s aid in the first place or not.
Scholars and madmen have long debated the Grail’s motivations, what goal or ideology it is trying to achieve with the visions and often horrific miracles it bestows. In truth, Thirsting Grail has no goal beyond the pursuit of violence and longing, it is a means without an end, ready to lend itself to any cause that would make the world a bloodier, hungrier place.
The god is formless, an ocean of boling blood that takes on the shape of whatever “vessel” its followers imagine for it, borrowing their cultural iconography and birthing itself anew each time. There are litanies of these avatars, hundreds more likely forgotten by history; blood saints and baleful red stars and heart hungry blades. Perhaps because of blood’s ubiquity in ritual and occult practice the Grail’s influence can “seep” its way into the worship of other entities, divine or demonic, and it’s not unheard of for otherwise upstanding and dogmatic worshippers of banal gods to accidentally begin practising the grail’s bloody rites.
Sanguimancy and other forms of blood magic are the most obvious of Thirsting Grail’s gifts, but it has other more esoteric offerings: smoke from sacrifices or incense mingled with the formless god’s essence can grant visions of desires made manifest, though often twisted through a disturbingly carnal (in both senses of the word) lens. All too often worshippers ( and the cult leaders that encourage them) see these visions as prophetic, leading to the outergod being sometimes called “the mother of truth”. It can also manifest the objects of desire: succulent fruits, unearthly lovers, weapons of inordinate power, but there is something fundamentally wrong with these creations as they cannot grant true satisfaction, and often leave those that partake of them wanting more than when they started.
Those who fall prey to Thirsting Grail’s influence can become warped as their own veins become polluted by the entity’s ichor: becoming feral creatures of endless cruelty and appetite, or having their wounds open wider and wider until there is nothing but wound remaining of their swollen flesh. Those so overtaken grow and warp and merge with others until new horrors are birthed from them, a permanent seedbed of
Titles: Mother of truth, formless mother, font erubescent, the bloodstar. Symbols: A red grail or fountain, cultural iconography stained with blood. Signs: Wounds that bleed but do not heal, plants overflowing or cracking open to expose their innards. Unsettling red dreams. Worshippers: Those with bloodstained hands be they doctors, butchers, or murderers. Vampires, occultists, and other sanguiphiles. Instatiable gourmands and unfulfilled lovers.
Inspiration: I wear my influences on my sleeve with this one. I’ve been turning the Elden Ring mythology over in my mind for some time partially because I think there’s a lot of fun ideas there but also because I felt like (in typical Fromsoft fashion) there wasn’t enough shown to really scratch my itch for discovery.
The formless mother/bloodstar was chiefest among these elements: A killer aesthetic with lore that was a little too thin to use as inspiration. After a while that thinness turned into a feature, the idea of an eldritch entity of pain and violence that conformed to the needs of those who worshipped it, granting power to those who would go out and make the world more violent and painful. I liked the idea that “mother of truth” was a misnomer, and that cultists would ascribe meaning and intent and iconography to a god that didn’t care one way or another.
Another strong influence is the Grail from Cultist Simulator/Book of hours ( SERIOUSLY, play book of hours you fools), an eldritch entity/aspect of reality that presides over hungers and births be they literal or figurative. The Blood + Mother connection was obvious here, but the Grail provided some more texture and esoteric aspects to fill out my version’s storytelling potential.
#I have a policy against using AI art here but you always run into trouble when things get especially goopy.#deity#outergod#divinity: blood#divinity: violence#thirsting grail#book of hours#eldin ring#d&d#dnd
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Tethered Bonds
✽ Poly 141 x f!reader (Omegaverse AU)
A lucky stroke of fate led you right into the arms of your alpha soulmates. But is it everything you dreamed it would be or just the continuation of a nightmare?
Main Masterlist ✽ Ao3
✽ Part Four - Hamster ball
See? The last update wasn't a fluke! :) Bit of a more easygoing chapter compared to the hecticness I've been subjecting our poor omega to. Bit more background on our girl. Give her a bit of breathing room before hopping back into more chaos.
Also: I've added a change to the reader's physicality. There's a reference to being underweight for medical reasons so I'm sorry if that takes any of you out of the experience. I try to not mess with that aspect, but I just felt it necessary given everything I put this girl through.
Trigger warnings: angst, depression, customer service, malnourishment
The dog survived.
Life had apparently decided against throwing you any more curveballs on your way back to the apartment – slushy roads and bad drivers notwithstanding (honestly, how could this many people forget what front wheel drive did on black ice and wet pavement?).
Densely populated areas gave way to suburban life as you drove the twenty minutes it took to escape the city center and arrive back into a world a little less crowded.
The area you resided in could generously be considered lower middle class. The crime rate was on the lower end of the spectrum though still a tinge too high for most members of polite society. Nothing too terribly outlandish; juvenile gang violence typical of a sizable city and the occasional asshat who decided the stuff in your car now belonged to him. But there was a police station a few blocks down the road from you that ran frequent patrols and the low level violence kept the rent at a decent affordability.
There were less and less brownstones the further east you traveled, row house opulence giving way to multi level apartment buildings interspersed amongst a smattering of mid century moderns. Grass became a thing again, but only in long strips running parallel with the sidewalk – unless you were fortunate enough to own a modest front lawn on a small corner lot. Not that it was visible beneath the eight inches of snow that’d accumulated since it started falling late yesterday morning.
It was only late afternoon by the time you were back in familiar territory, but this close to the impending holiday the local residents left their Christmas lights on 24/7 it seemed. Most abodes were adorned with at least humble decorations.
Community members wrapped battery powered twinkle lights around the sparse barren elms, evergreen garland candy caning down metal street lamps, interlaced tinsel glimmering from passing headlights. Cheap vinyl stickers of cartoon snowmen and Santa's little helpers splattered across glass windows and sliding balcony doors in haphazard childish fashion. Mesh reindeer lawn ornaments and creepy animatronic statues recreating Saint Nick’s undertaking in kaleidoscopic – if not positively garish – displays.
Muddied coir welcome mats proclaiming ‘Blessed Yule!’. A giant inflatable dinosaur taking up way too much space and spinning an oversized dreidel. You even gave props to the guy with a grinch head popping out the top of his chimney, smirking deviously at the passersby down below as if they were in on the secret.
All walks of life celebrating the winter season in their own special ways.
You couldn’t even remember the last time you bothered to hang a simple wreath.
You were fortunate enough to find decently close street parking as you pulled up to the curve, grateful the black Kia behind had left space enough for more than just a clown car. A group of rowdy boys bundled snug in thick mittens and hand-knit toques called for a ceasefire, taking your nearby arrival as an excuse to catch their breaths and stockpile more ammunition for the fierce battle they waged. Childish insults flew from behind snowy barricades as you stepped out of your car and onto the icy sidewalk.
It was a more than usual hassle making the trudge inside your apartment building. Normally you kept your grocery list light; manageable for the haul up three flights of stairs despite the fully functioning elevator. But with the previous week’s illness eating into more of your food supply than normal you’d been forced to compensate for the barren cupboards.
Could you make multiple trips? Sure. Did you want to be outside in the blustery cold for longer than necessary? Nope. Hence the sight of you iron-manning your way through the building’s exterior entrance, clusters of bags biting into your arms even through your heavy winter coat, overstretched plastic really field testing its weight requirements and lumbering your already lethargic pace.
You were grateful that you’d remembered to double bag some of the heftier items, having almost made that same mistake the month prior if not for the shredding sound alerting you to the seam's fatal flaw. That’s all you needed was to be spending your evening on hands and knees mopping up shattered glass and pickle juice from grime-laden steps.
There's a sense of accomplishment as you haul the purchased goods over the threshold to your apartment, carefully depositing the burdensome load on the tile in front of your refrigerator, far too many to overwhelm your bite-sized kitchen table with. Doubling back to re-check the numerous door locks and deadbolts, you finally let loose a sigh as you kick off your snow boots and shuck the weighted material from your weary shoulders, hanging the ratty scarf on the hook next to it and giving your neck a chance to breathe again.
Rubbing the irritated skin hurt more than it helped. The damn thing was sensitive to abrasive material – only concealing it when absolutely necessary. Winter was easy; warmer months made the task trickier. Thankfully most people didn’t stare much at an omega with a patch of gauze taped over her neck. Newly bonded designations wore it as a badge of honor, proudly proclaiming to the world at large that they’d finally found their place amongst the upper echelons of packdom.
You, meanwhile, would have to be more careful in the future to wear turtlenecks if bombshell interactions were to become a normal occurrence. The last thing you needed were prying questions from nosy alphas.
A half gone tube of medicated ointment called your name from the bathroom counter, but the inflamed mating mark would have to wait until after you got the bulk of groceries put away. Canned items and other non perishables could be dealt with tomorrow. There was only so much strength left in your bones after a day like today.
The knock on your front door would have startled you worse if not for the preceding text message hailing the arrival.
‘Paranoid’ would be the appropriate term. Practically overnight you found yourself turning into one of those god awful annoying conspiracy theorists that hide in the dark cobwebs of the internet, spouting schizophrenic ravings of lunacy and government surveillance, too wrapped up in their straight jackets for oxygen to reach their corrupted brains.
It was hard not to be distrustful to any and all intruders of your dwelling, knowing full well the consequences that come from letting your guard down in a stunning display of naivety. The pinched tether on your bond reassured you of his distance, but he was far from being the only ill-intentioned alpha in a thousand mile radius.
Pulse fluttering like a baby bird and fingers flexing into trembling fists, you creep up to the peephole with all the finesse of a one-legged cat – despite knowing the face that would greet you on the other end. Per usual, the kind beta didn’t take it personally when you opened the door with barely enough space to let her inside, squeezing through the gap provided and scooting out of the way while you relatched your pacifying security measures.
All she offered was her usual glowing smile and a box of double stuf oreos.
“Hard day at therapy?”
Chloe had been an unexpected addition to the chaos of your life. For lack of in-unit appliances, the apartment complex housed a small laundry facility on the ground floor – free of charge, but awfully stifling come the summer months. Enough square footage that multiple people could use it at any given time, but not enough to hold even a quarter of the residents. On the weekdays, that damn thing could be packed tighter than a dented can of sardines (and smell just as fishy). It wasn’t unusual to find your neighbors making the trek of shame back to their rooms, hefting a still-soiled bag of clothing, waiting another hour or so in hopes of trying their hand at the laundry lottery all over again.
You were embarrassed to say you avoided the place like the plague for the first month after moving in. After all, what did it really matter?
You didn’t leave your apartment at the time. There was no need for decorum – no call to impress. And as an unpacked omega with disabling agoraphobia it sounded like the worst sort of torture porn experience. It had taken running out of febreze and being on the phone with your dads to finally venture down there at three o’clock in the morning on a random Tuesday in hopes the facility would be barren enough that your musky basket could stop reeking up your closet.
The scream you screamt upon turning the corner and finding another human being skulking around in the unlit void had you so sure your father’s were a hairs breadth away from calling down the fucking feds.
Turns out Chloe was a skittish thing a few years younger than you. A recent college graduate, this was her first real apartment outside of campus dorm life. But where you were up at the ass crack of dawn due to an anxiety-inducing aversion to civilization, she was down there to keep from running into the cute nerdy alpha across the hall and risking mortification at him peeping her dainty underthings.
Honestly you hadn’t been sure the smell of urine was coming from either laundry basket.
Once you’d calmed down enough to pull your fathers off the edge of booking the next flight down there to rough up some nonexistent predator, you’d managed to finish your chores on opposite sides of the room, neither engaging in any conversation beyond muffled apologies of humiliation.
What followed was an uneasy truce born out of necessity, a silent acknowledgement that this would be a weekly safe space free from judgment and criticism. Silence turned to whispered greetings, whispers became timid banter, until eventually you were confessing in therapy to eating homemade peanut butter cookies on the floor in front of the laundry machines.
Now she was the only other person in this whole entire city besides Dr. Miranda that you could go to for advice and needed companionship.
Originally you had no intention of exhausting any more of your social battery than had already been consumed. But therapy wasn’t for another week and you had too much bubbling inside to be contained by the cramped confines of your studio apartment. And Chloe was considerate enough that she knew not to overstay her welcome, her own introverted alarm clock ringing about the same time as yours.
“If only that had been the hard part,” you replied with a sigh, taking the parcel of outstretched goods and moseying on over to your butt shaped indent on the far end of the couch.
The sound of creaky hinges and clattering plastic informed you of Chloe’s detour to the kitchen. “Has that rust-bucket jalopy of yours finally gone to the great big scrap metal in the sky?”
Everyone’s a critic.
“How about we don’t put that out into the universe thank you very much.” Shoving a whole cookie in your mouth, you gratefully accept the cold glass of milk she passes over before taking up a spot on the cushion next to you, grabbing at her own treat from the open pack.
The mess of red curls atop her head and the loud pattern of her knit rainbow sweater deceptively implied a boisterous personality. Bright green eyes. A healthy dusting of freckles. Blue corduroy pants still smudged with gold leaf. One look at her 5 foot 11 stature and you’d think she was some sort of artistic fairy, flitting about from flower to flower like a social hummingbird. In truth she’d gone to school for fine arts, but in preparation for a career in conservation – something quiet and away from the harsh critics where she could help express someone else's ideas instead of her own.
Her soft hazelnut scent matches her sympathetic smile, always patient and warm with you. “Does it have something to do with why you smell like a latte? Oh dear–please tell me no one spilled hot coffee on you today!”
You duck your head from her doe eyed worry and concerned frown of dread, focusing on the cold bite of milk on your fingers as you plunge another sugary morsel into your clear plastic cup.
As toxic as it might have been, you couldn’t bring yourself to wash the scent of alpha from the pores of your skin.
“Chloe, I…” Here goes nothing. “I met someone yesterday…”
For the second time in less than four hours you found yourself spilling your heart to a friendly ear.
She heard all of it. The supermarket run-in. Tantalizing lemon. Silky coconut. Devastating chocolate. Therapy. The coffee shop mishap. Being gentled by a complete stranger.
The promise kept safe in your electronic device.
Where Dr. Miranda had broached the topic with a level-headed sense of therapeutic resolution, Chloe had all but clutched her pearls the longer your tantalizing tale was spun. She wore her expressions the way she wore her heart on her sleeve, squeezing the life out of a proffered couch pillow in a way that made you hope she didn’t have any pets at home.
“How could he possibly expect any of this to not come crashing down in a fiery hellscape of cataclysmic fury that would put Dante’s inferno to shame?”
Can you tell she went to catholic school?
“I mean… it's not like I caught him off guard technically,” you try to bargain. “Like yeah, today’s meeting wasn’t exactly on purpose, but they would’ve had a whole night to discuss things amongst themselves. Maybe they just reached some sort of weird agreement with her?”
She bites her lip to hide the sympathetic frown. “Do you really believe that though?”
No. No you didn’t.
It wasn’t hard to put yourself in her shoes considering the thick iron cable anchoring you to another. If that bond came with passion... if you knew the cloying taste of devotion – the idolatry that comes from having your molecules grafted onto a lover’s DNA – you’d shred every muscle strand in your body, tear skin from bone with bloodied teeth to keep what was coveted.
And here you were. The other woman.
Suddenly the chocolate dessert didn’t taste so appetizing.
At your lack of a meaningful answer, she unknowingly goes for the throat.
“Perhaps you should tell them–”
“No.”
The ice in your tone brokers no room for argument, instantly regretting the bite behind it as you watch her flinch back into the cushions with a meek whine.
Your expression softens in guilt. Chloe is just trying her best to help you navigate an otherwise impossible scenario. Her suggestion doesn’t come from a place of cruelty, only one of care. Even if it does speak of ignorance.
Not that she didn't still try.
“Wouldn’t you want to know if the roles were reversed?”
“And what good would that do?” you press far more gently this time, the acid of pain climbing up the back of your throat. “No matter what they say there’s no tangible future for us. That ship has well and truly sailed – I know that now. My destiny was signed with an iron pen and the deed says I belong to him.”
Your voice quivers on the last word, the sting of acceptance cutting into flesh with a rusty barbed wire. You never thought there could be a feeling worse than hopelessness.
“Telling them will only ensure that both parties suffer for another’s twisted scheme,” you continue past the lump in your throat, “and I won’t subject them to the burden that should be only mine to bear. I refuse to let them live with that guilt.”
Maybe it’s her beta upbringing that keeps her from fully understanding the colossal weight of putting your bonded through such inner turmoil. Chloe will never know what it means to share someone's emotions across an unwavering connection. Pack life isn’t barred from her, but the same primal urges that draw us towards our mates are nothing but strings of thread easily pruned.
Truthfully most betas never want it. To them, we all drew the short end of the straw; being forced into subjugation by ancient instincts that never shed their skin after the last ice age.
After the eternally looping rollercoaster that's been holding you prisoner the past four years, you can't say you disagree with them anymore.
“...maybe they chew with their mouths open.”
The huff she pulls from your chest is genuine, catching you off guard with the attempt at levity, the small roast doing its job of diffusing the atmosphere. Her extemporaneous remark reflects the giggles in her eyes begging you to play along.
“Bet they don’t wash their buttcracks either,” you add with a half-grin after a few moments of quiet, relishing in the way she covers her mouth to stifle a snort. Her energy is endearing, granting you leave to feed off the sunrays of her carefree aura, unblemished by the malice of a hateful underbelly, continuing for the next couple minutes that her presence lingers.
If only laughter was all it took to make everything better.
Consciousness greets you like a lifelong friend – one waiting to welcome you into outstretched arms, promising comfort and geniality with its disarming smile, swaddling you in a blanket so thick and plush it cradles you like a pregnant mother’s womb. It beckons with a silvery tongue, promising a joyful reunion as you give yourself over freely under the guise of a fresh start.
All the easier for it to slip a knife between your ribs.
You should’ve known better.
Sleep hasn’t been your ally since the night before the incident. Rest is not restful; it is a time where the walls between protection and abuse are at their thinnest. Where the toxic sludge of your connection oozes through the cracks like bubbling tar and coats your insides with its virulent adhesive. It chokes you with its noxious miasma, seeping into dreams and disturbing the regenerative process vital to your health.
Each day starts the same – dealing with the consequences of life on a strained leash.
Awareness comes into focus next like a camera in the exclusion zone, grainy and crackling under the effects of radioactivity while spreading like the beginnings of cancer through the pores of your skin. It clings around the edges, lethargic in its letting go, giving way only to the melodic chiming of your phone’s alarm that might as well be set to a booming fog horn.
Eyelashes crusty with dried salt crystals peel apart like fly paper, pupils fully dilated as the blackout curtains remove the need for constriction. The rumpled towel beneath you leaves tender spots on your back from where it bunched up in the night – a result of the fitful writhing when the nightmares your mind guards you from remembering leave your body feverful and drenched, soaking through the lightweight sheets and condensing in a thin layer of slimy moisture.
And the nausea.
God, the nausea.
The condition was a constant in your life, but its disruption was the worst during the early hours of the day.
Movement requires a delicate balance first thing in the morning. Jostle your body too much and the empty bin wedged between your bed and your nightstand gets reacquainted with the bile of your stomach (they’re apparently in an intimate relationship that you’re just sandwiched between like an awkward third wheel).
Problem is, barring the use of hefty restraints, it's impossible to know which side of the bed you’ll be waking up on. Literally.
Some days you find yourself facing the drab interior of your studio apartment rather than covered window panes, knowing the energy required to roll over towards the small nightstand will likely result in the emptying of your insides. Sleeping on your back had potential, but your form preferred to curl in on itself for lack of anything else to bring it comfort.
Lady Luck had apparently seen enough of your mental breakdowns the past forty eight hours to grant you a reprieve, taking pity on your string of misfortunes as the first thing your eyes take in upon blinking free from sand is the heavy satin of your window coverings keeping in the dark – some lavender pattern to help match the rest of your nesting materials. They’re still fresh out the box after all these years, though the accumulation of filth would tell you otherwise, dust bunnies taking up residence on the weighted linen.
Your furnishings haven’t been bathed in sunlight since the moving van.
The well-loved bottle of Zofran sits in its spot on the corner of your nightstand, next to your still ringing phone and a robin's egg stanley, a glass picture frame shoved in the far corner on the other side of your table lamp.
Still wrapped in a thick fog of drowsiness, leaden muscles flex and groan as your arm stretches the short distance, ears taking priority and fingers tapping at the illuminated screen until they locate the damn snooze button. Popping the small oval pill comes next, chasing it with lukewarm water before burrowing back down into the soft minky goodness of your comforter.
You're awake an hour before you need to be, but not to get anything done. No rejuvenating shower. No balanced breakfast and a half hour of yoga. Just adjusting to the abject misery your bond greets you with every day as a not so gentle reminder of the alpha you left behind.
It’s a constant struggle to remind yourself that the suffering is worth it for the lifetime of abuse from which you escaped. Better to be tormented by a path you chose than one unwillingly taken.
About forty minutes go by before the medication kicks in enough to allow you freedom of movement, pulling yourself from the tangles of your bedding with aching joints and low fuel reserves. Walking into the bathroom, you squint against the blinding overhead fluorescents, rubbing the spots from your eyes as you take in your frumpy reflection.
There’s a photograph next to your bed that you haven’t glanced at in a few months. Six familiar faces beaming into a camera lens somewhere high in the mountains. A family vacation from eight years ago; the best summer of your life.
That girl in the picture is nowhere to be found.
Spiritless eyes meet your gaze in the glass, early crows feet forming from periods of prolonged stress. A bone deep exhaustion reflected in your undereye bags, the dull pallor of your complexion. The frizziness of unmoisturized locks begging for a drink. Wind chapped lips and an eternal frown.
The oversized shirt hangs baggy on your form, once belonging to your brother but now in your possession. If you lifted up the garment you could practically count the ribs, a once healthy layer of fat and muscle cannibalized by famished cells and underutilization. It's hard to keep on weight when your stomach rejects the nourishment you try to provide.
If this is the empty shell you’ve become a full continent away from him then it’s hard to imagine what lifeless husk of a creature you might’ve deteriorated into under his brand of care.
There’s no more energy left by the time you do your business and finish brushing your teeth, knowing what few bolts remain will have to go towards the impending headache of customer service. Taming your unruly hair will just have to wait until later – if at all.
You flick the lights on as you pass, trudging on shaky legs to the cabinets above the microwave. There’s still too much unease in your tummy for your usual coffee order, opting for a mug of herbal tea to help settle the irritated organ, a spoonful of honey cutting through the mild bitterness. Settling on a sleeve of poptarts for a lazy breakfast, you lumber your way over towards the couch and the awaiting annoyances.
Opening shifts were always the worst.
Originally you’d approached the company with open availability in hopes of bettering your chances at landing a remote job. In those days, commuting to a location had been out of the question. It took months of submitting applications – relying solely on your family for all your expenses – before someone finally gave you an opportunity to rejoin the workforce.
(You wept the day you received the offer from HR. Having even a sliver of autonomy returned to you after a tumultuous period without it was as the first melting snow of a long envisioned spring).
Unfortunately it meant you were handed the hours no one else wanted to take. Most days that was the early shifts.
It’s not like you work a whole hell of a lot. The job itself is only part time after all and fairly easy; fourteen hours max per week. But you’d quickly learned that the later you were scheduled, the clearer your brain was to focus, the better you performed overall.
Now if only the big wigs at corporate would allow you to update your availability. When last you’d scrounged up enough courage to broach the topic to your immediate supervisor you were promptly informed that there was no current flexibility to your role and, when pressed, sent a look via Zoom that clearly said don't push it.
So much for ‘warm family environment’.
A small rolling side table acts as your makeshift desk, the apartment too cramped for something proper no matter how many attempts to tetris the layout. One of your fathers had come up with the brilliant solution while shopping at ikea for new end tables, spotting the piece of furniture and shipping it out to your location. You’d had to brave the awkward visit of the buff delivery man for a signature – hiding behind the door jamb like a sketchy criminal – but the purchase had been well worth it for how cluttered your poor kitchen table had previously looked, a jumbled mess of pens and wires, certifiably hazardous with its lengthy extension cord.
Armed with soothing chamomile and a warm knit blanket thrown over your lap, you boot up your laptop and log onto the program that would keep you chained to it for the next six hours.
Ask anyone that deals with customers directly: Christmas is the least wonderful time of the year.
Garbled phone calls over shitty receptions. The droning monotony of preplanned scripts. Old bitties recounting eight decades of family drama. Mass hysteria around shipping delays. ‘Happy Birthday Steve’ and the audible slick of his palm. Entitled socialites for whom the word ‘please’ never came preinstalled in their gold filigree hoity-toity dictionaries.
The fifteen minute break is almost insulting. As if anyone can decompress in such a meager timespan. It’s no wonder why people used to chainsmoke their way through the stress of their jobs.
You try to remind yourself of the before times – the trials and tribulations that came from previous employments. Long grueling hours spent pent up in bustling kitchens, the dinner rush on crab leg nights testing your arm strength and patience for slow steamers. Pushy roofing salesmen harping over impoverished neighborhoods. Car guys calling you toots and insisting on being assisted by a ‘real professional’.
This job was by far the most laid back. No fussing over business casual, no extroverted coworkers crowding your space, no bosses micromanaging for the sake of being assholes. You were living a cushy life by comparison.
But then your mind wanders to Jose on the third floor kitchen, busy doing prep work for the various departments; a kind man once he warmed up to you and found you competent enough to last. Always sneaking you tender bites of grilled meats and a bowl of creamy lobster bisque.
Nyle bringing you ladies in the office a round of Starbucks when he came in for mandatory meetings. Sharing music with Stacy and gabbing about just aired episodes of your favorite tv show. Heather bringing in fresh blueberry bear claws from the local bakery near her home.
Going to the irish pub across the street with the guys in finance that knew the owners, getting drunk off free whiskey and cider on Friday nights. All smiles and laughter as you twirl across the dance floor to a live band performing hits from musicians like Flogging Molly and Great Big Sea…
…and you realize just how much you took for granted. That there’s a palpable difference between surviving and living.
You don’t even notice you’re six minutes over break until your laptop pings from someone trying to get in touch with you, startling you out of melancholic reminiscence and bringing you back to a somber present that longs for the taste of livelihood.
That time has ended; those figures mere ghosts of a past better left forgotten in the vaults of your memory.
Now, you make a small but tidy living solving other people's problems a few hours a week. Enough to pay for personal bills, groceries, and the occasional indulgence while your fathers provide the bulk of your utilities and the sum of your rent. Your lost independence used to bother you more, but the thought of a homeless shelter quickly silenced your tongue.
Your cellphone reads one o’clock by the time you're freed from servitude, happy to be logging off as you push the rolling setup back out of the way. The air bubbles between the contours of your spine pop and crackle as you rise to your feet, ignoring the rush of lightheadedness from six hours remaining stationary. Resisting the urge to itch at the healing scab on the side of your neck, you pad into the kitchen to whip up a turkey sandwich – cautiously optimistic on the inclusion of juicy pickles – before plopping back down in your usual spot.
The acidity doesn’t seem to upset your stomach any further, allowing you to munch in peace on the simple scrapings of lunch, scrolling through the kindle app on your phone for something to occupy your time with.
There’s never much to do around here when the people in your life are busy living their own. Your family checks in on you every so often, catching you up on the goings-on in the quiet neighborhood, your father taking the opportunity to gush about his lego collection to someone other than his partner for a change. You miss the camaraderie that came with building the Death Star.
Despite living hundreds of miles away, their calls always made you feel as if you were gathered around the sectional in the warm lit interior of the sprawling living room, Christmas tree glowing by the light of the fire, a hot cup of cocoa and the merriment of family.
The same couldn’t be said for your younger brother Alex.
Ever since moving out at eighteen he'd become quite a prick, a beta complex a mile wide that only got worse when he surrounded himself with the wrong kinda crowd. The loss of his once fervent companionship had devastated you. After the accident that brought your parents to an early grave, you’d kept each other afloat through turbulent waves of depression, tidal waves of grief. Six became four, but – even though that wound would never fully heal – you still had the strength of their love to turn to when forgone memories played like black and white film.
But after that last argument…
Four became three.
It's been years since you last had any type of contact outside the occasional cheap greeting card – just another notch added to your mile long grinchmas belt come the holidays.
Fuck him.
Shaking yourself out of that spiraling rabbit hole, you turned back to the task of entertainment at hand. Since you didn’t feel like spending any more time on the phone listening to idle chatter than you already had today, you settled for choosing a book at random from your extensive TBR, diving into a medieval fantasy where brave warriors slayed evil dragons and an honorable knight could still save a princess.
The minute hand goes round and round.
Dinner is as simple an affair as lunch; a cheap frozen pizza popped in the oven adding an extra layer of warmth to the already balmy interior. There’s no need for a plate as you pull it off the wire rack onto the cardboard box it came in, gooey cheese bubbling hot and steamy, sizzling toppings shiny with bright orange grease, savory aromas wafting as they ride the circulation of the antiquated heating system.
Years of battling chronic fatigue have made you crafty, cutting corners on labor with gathered tips and tricks accumulated over hours of lengthy research. There’s no need to add to your pile of dishes; no plates or utensils to scrub free of dried food particles. Just you and your fingers tearing through the saucy meal chunk by chunk.
Dr. Miranda tells you it's all about the little victories. The moments of accomplishment no matter how insignificant. Doesn’t matter how you get the job done so long as it happens. Roll out of bed? That’s a win. A sleeve of ritz crackers for a meal? Glad you got sustenance. Just because you weren’t claiming a nobel prize didn’t mean your triumphs were any less important.
Didn’t leave much in the way of riveting stimulation though. Just acclimatizing you to existing in a hamster ball where the difference between day and night is as little as the am or pm on the clock.
After all, it wasn’t like your body signaled a change in energy levels. There’s no ‘getting tired’ when you never wake up.
The only time you ever felt a sense of normalcy was when you started the process of getting ready for bed, pinpoint focus narrowing in on the task of fixing your nest. Logic shuts down and gut feeling takes the reins. You lose yourself in the fussing over placement of plush fleece and textured sherpa, jersey knit sheets and squishmallow plushies. Weighted quilt blankets and cloud-fluffy pillows of various shapes and sizes, the assortment of pastel pinks and lush earthy greens giving off the enchanted forest vibes held dear to your heart.
It wasn’t large or luxurious by any means, but the few modest pieces you did have were plenty enough for the cozy space, strewn across the full sized bed in an organized haphazard chaos understood only by the omega instincts that dictate your actions.
Only, there’s something wrong…
You lament the smell of mildew as your nose breathes in the cloth of your pillowcase, whining in dejection at the offense to your delicate olfactory senses and pawing at the material in shame.
An omega’s nest is a vital part of the care and keeping of their fragile emotional state. Oftentimes they’re seen as a reflection of their owner's inner consciousness and a handy tool to monitor their anxiety levels on a day to day basis. An unkempt nest can not only signal deeper depression, but if neglected for too long may result in bodily dysregulation that can affect them even right down to a molecular level, throwing hormones out of whack and causing real physical illness.
Your nest hasn’t been properly cleaned in far too many months – no doubt adding to the high levels of stress that already permeate your everyday life. The sacred space that’s supposed to be your safe haven acts as just another graphic reminder that he’s taken everything from you. There's no true relaxation in your life because of it.
For what was the point of washing the sweat-stained fabric if there’s no stopping it getting soiled again the following night?
Pulling the musky sheets up to just below your chin, you stare blankly at the evidence of what happens when you get your hopes up, sitting plugged into the charger on the corner of your nightstand.
The phone hasn’t rang once.
You’ve been religiously checking the screen all day. Turned the volume from vibrate to blaring. Unclicked ‘do not disturb’ mode (turns out even telemarketers think you’re a waste of time). The device went everywhere with you, whether it was ten feet to the bathroom or six inches across the couch. Your desperation might have been otherwise embarrassing, but there was no worry of judgment besides your own in the guarded solitude of your apartment.
He'd given you a thimble of hope, and you were clinging to it like the last drop of water.
Whether it be a call or text; you didn’t know. But he promised you... promised you… that you’d be hearing from him soon. Threatened you against inaction on your part. And you’d just believed him. Believed that even for a moment – some tiny fraction of oblivion – there could exist a world where you didn’t have to feel quite so fucking alone.
What exactly has he been up to? Some prior commitment that pulled him from his phone? Maybe he’s just stuck at work all day? But then surely he doesn’t pull twelve hour shifts. Not like you found out their given occupations yet. Which means he’s gotta be sick, right? The weather’s been atrocious and you hadn’t physically seen him get in a car when he left.
Shit! He went home smelling like you. How did the pack react?
How did she react?
They didn’t get into a fight did they? She probably forced him to delete your contact info. God, you were so selfish putting them through this mess. But hadn't John been selfish too in wanting to keep you around? Was that really a pack decision?
The tears culminating in your eyes were pathetic. Acid rain bleaching your pillowcase in big caustic globules, seeping into the fabric and burning through the thin membrane of your cheeks. Bitter rage tainted the half formed excuses, corrupting like malware into personal betrayal.
How could you be so foolish? What part of ‘you’re not allowed to be happy’ did you not comprehend? Hadn’t you already learned not to shoot for the stars, much less the occupants of unit 2B?!
Poor, stupid omega.
You grasped your chest as if that could stop whatever clawed beast was burrowing its way past your ribcage to dig out a hole and lay its clutch. Flicking the bedside lamp off brought you as much darkness outside as there was feasting on your entrails and gorging itself for a long unforgiving winter.
Curling up in your repugnant nest, you couldn’t keep your heart from shattering as each teardrop extinguished the sputtering flame of hope.
You never got around to fixing your hair.
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Just a reminder for my fellow white anarchists about how critical it is to explore the perspectives of people of color, both anarchist and non-anarchist alike as not only do experiences of common oppressions like the state and class rule differ depending on identity and conditions, but they also demonstrate how intersecting systems of oppression, such as white supremacy, permeate society as wide-reaching structures of oppression. It emphasizes the significance of dismantling these systems alongside the destruction of the state and the development of a free society.
Failure by white anarchists to comprehend white supremacy, its connection to other forms of oppression, and the experiences of people of color and their distinctive oppressions will not only significantly impede any endeavor towards building a freer society but also guarantee the perpetuation of these oppressions within the organizations/affinity groups they establish and the work they undertake. These groups typically fade away after alienating numerous potential nonwhite sympathizers to anarchism and its principles, all while merely paying lip service to Anti-Racist ideals and the movements led by people of color.
Only by actively listening to, reading, and reflecting upon the experiences of people of color, as well as engaging in introspection to comprehend the white supremacist mindset that persists even among white radicals like anarchists, can we initiate the dismantling of these oppressive systems and progress towards a genuinely free society.
Here is some content on the subject from some fantastic folks.
Videos:
Zoe Samudzi - On a Black Feminist Anarchism
youtube
Saint Andrewism - Landback
youtube
Saint Andrewism - What is Black Anarchism
youtube
Literature:
Lorenzo Kom'boa Ervin - Anarchism and the Black Revolution
Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz - An indigenous peoples' history of the United States
Mariame Kaba, William C Anderson, Zoe Samudzi - As Black As Resistance
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house of addams (6)
— 🌖 pairing: ot7 x fem.reader
— 🕷️ genre: mystery, angst + fluff + smut
— 🗝️ word count: 5.5k
— 🍄 summary: desperate times call for morally grey measures.
— ☕ content warnings: stalking (but it's mutual??), taking photos without consent (also mutual), slight lore dump, mentions of death/decomposition/missing persons
— 🕸️ a/n: thank you so much to everyone who continues to share their thoughts i love y'all so much!!
previous chapter ← series m.list → next chapter
chpt. 6: don't stalk, investigate
october 19, 2004
The trees surrounding the university are starting to brown at the edges. Fall has begun its descent.
The click of the camera shutter has become white noise to you. Through the viewfinder, you follow the motion of the mop of black hair.
You've found that that's how he starts almost all of his mornings: messily, sleepily. More often than not, his hair is just-rolled-out-of-bed fluffy, the lower half of his face covered with a black mask so you can only see his cat-like eyes.
He looks good today, wearing a loose white button-up and silver jewelry. He approaches the university with his messenger bag slung over his shoulder, still clearly half-asleep.
Yoongi is not a morning person, you've learned. You know because you've been watching him.
Listen, you never claimed to be a saint. And yes, maybe half the reason that you're a damn good private investigator is because you're willing (and perfectly capable) of doing the things that others would rather not.
So be it. You've witnessed others commit far worse evils than the one you're currently undertaking.
Long story short, your mental blockade with the case (and whatever the fuck happened at the lake) may or may not have caused you to look into some of the strange characters frequenting Farrow's End. Starting with the shy, antisocial botanist.
The fact that he supposedly lived in the Addams house (according to the commentary from the college students) wasn't the thing that made you suspicious, it was the fact that he lied about living in the Addams house. Pretended to know absolutely nothing about it, to boot.
As a human being, you can respect someone keeping their secrets. As a private investigator, your job is to dig up any secrets that prove relevant to your investigation.
Half of you wants to believe that he's nothing but a good guy. You can admit that you like him, that you relate to his aura as the token "weirdo." But the cynical part of you, it whispers in your ear that he shouldn't be trusted.
No one should. Your job has taught you that much.
Therefore, you have to exhaust each point of view until you find out who's guilty, and who's less guilty. Because pure innocence is impractical.
And after what you saw (or think you saw) at the lake, you're going to have to gear your research towards less "scientific" topics. And try to avoid the woods at all costs. For the time being, at least.
On most days, Yoongi begins his days early, and mostly on-campus. It didn't take long to witness him being transported by the same black Mercedes that you saw outside the cafe, the one supposedly belonging to one of the mysterious Jungs.
Though Yoongi never enters the car in heavily populated areas. He usually walks a short distance to a more private spot, and then the car pulls up like clockwork.
You can never get a good look at the driver, thanks to the tinted windows.
So far, the only suspicious thing about the botanist is the fact that he lied about living in the Addams house. He goes to class, goes to his labs, gets coffee, goes home, with very little in-between.
Well, that plus spending a large amount of his time on campus with one specific chemist. And it doesn't take much longer to realize that he lives at the Addams house too.
Jimin, unlike Yoongi, is often late. He gets dropped off by the same sleek car, a short distance away from his destination, then he power walks to wherever he's going, fluffing and preening himself along the way.
Whether it's a hand brushing through his hair, or a knuckle pushing up the bridge of his glasses (which he never leaves the house without), or him adjusting the collar of his shirt, he's almost always fixing himself.
Sometimes, you get the impression that he isn't comfortable in his own skin.
He has a few other signatures: those heeled boots, pants that are almost always too tight for your liking, glasses (either tinted or completely dark), and always a mask covering his mouth. That, or sometimes an oversized scarf pulled up to just under his nose when it's particularly chilly outside, the wind rustling his hair and it's oddly shifting color.
You've taken to wearing one of your smaller cameras around your neck at all times, just in case you run into anything suspicious and need to snap a picture.
The morning mist has deepened into a constant drizzle most mornings, and that leather jacket you bought at Magic Shop has come in particularly handy. The garment is warm and cozy, and it always gives you a feeling of comfort whenever you wear it.
Fine, so maybe following Yoongi and Jimin didn't yield the results you wanted, though you'll admit it was fun. Still, something is telling you that there's something suspicious about that house and those who reside in it.
So you move on to another lead: Kim Taehyung.
He rarely leaves the house, you've found. So you have to conclude that he lives there as well as works there. When he does leave, it's on official business. Either to go to the police station to pick up documents or out of town to examine a body.
He doesn't ride in the Mercedes, though. Rather, he drives a classic black hearse. Again, peak dedication to the aesthetic, which you can appreciate.
And fine, maybe you snapped a few pictures of him on the rare times you caught him out of the house, but it's all for the sake of the investigation.
At first, you were quite hesitant to get too close to the house on the hill, with its looming trees and black birds hovering all about the roof.
But one day, when you creep up the path, the front gate opens on its own to welcome you. You were planning on scraping along the outside of the gate, peering into the yard through the iron bars. You weren't expecting it to actually open for you.
A gust of wind surges through the air, pulling you towards the house. The rustle of the trees practically whispers come closer.
It takes you a little bit aback, but you don't show it. Just in case someone is watching. In fact, you barely react to it, simply sidestepping the gate entrance and continuing along the path as if you were on a morning walk.
You walk along the entire perimeter of the gated yard, which is much, much larger than you anticipated. There are a number of gardens, a small hedge maze, a swamp even, and at the very edge of the property, a graveyard.
The tombstones are dotted throughout the wooded grove, a thick layer of ivy covering the ground like a burial shroud, and an air of calm hangs about the place.
But it isn't until you circle back to the other side of the house that you see something you truly weren't expecting: Jin, your favorite barista, strolling through the garden with a cup and saucer in his hands.
Wearing a turtleneck under a black coat, his hair blowing picturesquely in the chill wind, he meanders past the crumbling stone statues and trickling fountains.
You quickly duck behind a tree, reaching into your jacket to grab the small binoculars that you typically carry when you're in the..."observation" phase of the investigation. No, this isn’t the first time you’ve done this sort of thing.
Jin leisurely walks over the cobblestone pathway, sipping from his cup with a satisfied expression. He'll run a hand through his hair or lean against one of the stone garden walls, looking over his shoulder every once in a while.
And maybe it's just a hunch, but you get the sense that he knows that he's being watched. The weird thing is that he doesn't seem bothered by the fact at all. In fact, it almost looks like he's...posing.
An itch at the back of your neck. A glance back at Jin tells you that he's not looking at you, nor has he realized that you're there. But still, now you feel eyes on you.
You look around but find nothing but white-barked trees. And maybe if you looked a little closer you would've noticed that the knots in said trees look a little too much like eyes, open and alert.
Even if you had noticed such a thing, your conscience would tell you that obviously that's not the case. Trees can't watch people.
You'd be wrong, of course, but how could you have known that then?
october 23, 2004
He only ever works nights. The graveyard shift, to be specific. His shift always starts after the sun has set, and it ends just before it rises again.
Normally, you'd split your time between the cafe and the bookshop, but recently you've dedicated almost the entirety of your days to watching the barista and learning his habits. And in that time, you've hardly seen him eat.
In all the time you've spent watching him combined, the only things you've seen him eat include: a handful of olives, a few slices of bread and cheese, and the occasional spoonful of honey. Coffee and the offhand glass of red wine (which he pours into a teacup with a charming wink when he catches you watching him) is all you ever see him drink.
The only time he leaves the Addams house, besides to go to work, is on Saturday mornings when the Farmer's Market takes up the town square.
Sporting a checkered coat with the collar turned up to shield the lower half of his face, sunglasses (even though it's utterly cloudy), and an umbrella held over his head (even though it's not even drizzling), Jin scours the aisles, scrutinizing each booth's wares to find only the freshest and best quality produce, meats, and bread. He also procures some fancy cheese and preserves, his tastes expensive and well-refined.
The only other time you see him deviate from his routine is to visit the nearest hospital one afternoon. You're expecting him to enter into the waiting room, but he circles around the back, waiting by a STAFF ONLY door.
That same tickle from somewhere in your brain, the one that makes your eyes a little blurry. You take a moment to refocus them, and then you see the door crack open.
The person behind the door hands Jin an object that he quickly conceals in his coat, and the interaction is too quick for you to see what exactly it is.
But not quick enough for you to miss taking a picture. Because you've learned that it's always best to prioritize the camera before your eyes.
You take it to the dark room that same day. And the film reveals that the object appears to be a plain white box. Your guess is that it's a thermal container, the ones used to transport samples or the like.
It's a bit embarrassing to admit that it takes another day to put two and two together.
You're sitting in the cafe, skimming through the files of the five missing persons, when Jin approaches your booth and silently places a pastry on the table.
It's another one of his habits, you've noticed. Whenever you're in the cafe and have gone a long time without ordering any food, he'll subtly bring you something without a word, and you're usually too focused on your research to notice until some time has passed and it's too late to reject the offer.
You've told him several times that though the gesture is appreciated, he doesn't need to provide you with any freebies just because you're in here all the time. But he just brushes you off and claims that he needs a taste tester for his new recipes.
You let it slide after telling yourself that he probably does the same to a number of other customers given his charming nature (though in all the time you've observed him he's never done it for any other patron, but that you conveniently ignore).
This time it's a little cake, topped with a strawberry and absolutely smothered in fresh cream. When you cut into it, red jam spills from the inside of the cake like blood from a wound.
Then it finally clicks.
...Blood.
Like a slideshow in fast motion, all of the little details spring back into the forefront of your mind. The time when you noticed his shirtsleeve riding up, revealing a faded scar distinctly resembling a bite mark on the inside of his wrist. The time you noticed him drinking from a to-go coffee cup, but with a ring of red surrounding the opening in the lid.
And at the hospital, a thermal container used to transport samples such as blood bags, or even human organs.
Fuck.
You push the dessert away at the realization, scrambling to gather your things and leave the cafe as quickly as possible.
Of course, that means you miss the concerned and slightly disappointed look on Jin's face as he watches you go.
october 24, 2004
You don't know what makes you more of an idiot, the fact that you're actually close to believing that Jin is some sort of blood-sucking creature of the night, or the fact that it took you this long to consider the fact based on all the warning signs.
Unfortunately, nothing is impossible. And though none of your investigations so far have pointed to something so overtly "supernatural," you have to entertain the possibility.
Because it's possible that something about it could trace back to one or more of the victims, since clearly this case has proven to be far from normal.
Though the internet is a great resource, currently all you can find is blog posts, and you'd prefer not to cite those when it comes to professional matters. So you turn to local folklore, urban legends, and the security of the written word.
When you enter the bookshop the next day, you realize just how broad of a topic it is. There are hundreds, even thousands of mythical creatures across different cultures. It's going to take a long time to factor out one with the right features and track it's roots.
Then you remember the man behind the counter. Namjoon is currently staring at the mass of papers on his desk, looking confused and frustrated.
"What's all that?" you ask as you approach the counter.
"My accounts. Balancing my checkbook," he replies without looking up from the mess.
"Ah," you say in understanding, in pity.
A pause.
"Want a distraction?" you finally ask, and his head whips up almost instantly.
"Dear God, yes."
You chuckle, moving to lean against the desk.
"You're a writer, right?"
"Yes," he answers with a nod.
"What kind of things do you write?"
"Mostly research papers, some articles here and there, a few field guides."
Hmm, so he's more of a scholar, then. Interesting.
"In what area of study?"
Namjoon's mouth twitches like he's trying to find the right words.
"Folklore," he finally answers, but obviously there's a little more to it.
Perfect. You bite back the urge to rock on your toes with excitement.
"Can I ask you a few questions?"
He smiles at that, dimples and all, like nothing would delight him more.
"Of course, anything you want," he answers, voice curling around the edges.
And you don't know it, but he means it sincerely. He would tell you anything and everything about him and his little family if you would only ask.
Any of them would, really. Technically, none of them have ever lied to you, they just haven't share all the information.
And if Namjoon is being honest, all of them are quite eager for you to get a little more invasive and figure them out for yourself.
"What do you know about mythological creatures that feed on life energy?"
You didn't mean for it to come out so specific, so incriminating. But you're getting a little tired of questions without a ghost of an answer.
His eyebrows raise a bit.
"To be honest with you, my knowledge is limited mainly to the folklore of this region," he admits, sounding apologetic.
Even more perfect. You try not to give away too much of your excitement, despite the fact that every time you encounter him he only seems to get better and better.
"Pray tell," you urge, leaning forward slightly with open ears.
A little bashful expression crosses his face as he settles deeper in his chair, all thoughts of taxes abruptly thrust aside.
"Well, vampiric creatures are quite common across folklore in many cultures. They're usually associated with outbreaks of disease, and vampire hunts are mostly accompanied with epidemics..."
You let him talk for as long as he wants, listening eagerly and only looking away to scribble a few notes from time to time. It's clear that he's passionate about what he studies, speaking about it like a lover would.
He tells you that even the word "vampire" is shrouded in mystery, as linguists do not know the precise etymological origin. Apparently, the folklore of this region is steeped in Slavic roots, so that's what he focuses on to narrow it down for you.
From the Old East Slavic language, the term "vampire" hails from the word "upir," which is speculated to translate as "someone who bites" or "the thing at the feast/sacrifice," though the word has no definite origin.
Namjoon tells you that scholars agree that the term was used as a stand-in, since they were too afraid to say the creature's true name.
"An upir needs to feed on life essence to survive. In literature, this is usually represented by drinking blood, since it represents life," Namjoon explains.
"Usually?"
He shrugs.
"The "opir" in Ukraine consumes large amounts of fish as their source of sustenance, preferences vary across cultures."
"You speak of it like they're real," you say with a chuckle, watching closely for his reaction.
Another shrug, this one more uncomfortable.
"To the Slavs, they were. The universal belief in supernatural beings was common. Unseen entities were part of the way they understood the world," he says.
"Hmm," you mumble, scanning him up and down. You try not to delight in the way he squirms slightly under your scrutiny.
"Most of the traits attributed to vampires these days are based on myths, or downright misunderstandings," Namjoon blurts out. "Like how the outbreak of rabies in Europe led to the belief that the upir are afraid of light, which is ridiculous. Many of the symptoms of rabies, which is spread through biting, coincide with the supposed traits of vampires, like the fear of light and altered sleep patterns."
He says it all like he's slightly annoyed.
"Or how they assumed that the upir are undead because during decomposition, built up pressure can push the blood into a corpse's mouth," he continues.
"So the upir aren't undead at all?" you probe.
"No, it's just a misconception," Namjoon replies like he's in the throes of a heated debate.
He seems to notice, since the next moment he's clearing his throat awkwardly and slumping in his seat.
There's a moment of silence as you jot down some more notes.
"They're not evil," he blurts out like he can't help it, and the look on his face implores you to believe him.
You look up at him.
"Across the centuries, they've always been used as the scapegoat for things humans can't understand," he adds softly.
Hmm, yes that seems to be a recurrent theme in human history.
You close your notebook and straighten up from leaning on the desk.
"Very interesting. Thank you, Namjoon," you say and mean it.
He smiles and nods as if to say of course, but after your back is turned, his face falls a bit, wondering if he let a little too much slip.
"Too much? In my opinion, you didn't tell her enough," Jimin quips.
Namjoon rolls his eyes, but he's mainly focused on Jin. The older man only smiles at him, pressing a comforting hand to Namjoon's cheek.
"Don't worry, love. I don't mind at all," he says. Because yes, he too is eager for you to realize just what they all are.
"I just don't want her to think we're the ones behind all this," Namjoon admits.
"If she's as smart as she appears, then she'll figure that out for herself soon enough," Hoseok replies, slowly circling the room with his arms crossed.
He approaches the elegant leather couch that Namjoon and Jin are occupying.
"Joonie," he says, running a hand down the younger man's neck.
"I don't think it would hurt to drop her a few more hints, hm?" And everyone notices the smirk on Hoseok's face.
"I'm tired of waitiiiiing," Jimin whines.
"She's still a skeptic, Minie," Yoongi supplies from where he's watering the plants against the window. "She needs to be eased in."
Jimin just rolls his eyes.
"We could just kidnap her," he suggests.
"No." The reply comes instantly from Namjoon, Jungkook, and Yoongi simultaneously.
Jimin laughs high and bright.
"Come now, Jimin," Hoseok says with a sharp smile of his own. "Everyone knows it's more fun when they consent to it first."
october 25, 2004
The next time you enter the bookshop, Namjoon immediately mentions that he put together a little collection of texts for you to look over, saying they might be interesting to you. Maybe even aid in the investigation.
You thank him earnestly. And no, your face doesn't heat up at the fact that someone has gone out of their way to make your life easier.
When you slip into your usual nook, you notice that one of the drawers in the desk is adorned with a little pink ribbon around the handle, almost like it's gift-wrapped. And when you open it, you see several books, articles, and newspaper clippings, all of which seem very promising.
Something stirs in your stomach at the sight, but it's quickly set aside as you lock in and dive headfirst into the new research endeavor.
There's the notice for each of the missing persons, all the mentions of them so far in the newspapers, including one article from a publisher you've never heard of.
With the headline simple reading DISAPPEARED, the short snippet describes each missing person and the details of their last eyewitness account. The strange thing is that the article includes far more details than the big-name publishers, making you wonder why you haven't heard of it before.
The Periscope Press. You don't recall seeing it in any of the corner stores around town, but you do recall some of the people you interviewed mentioning details from "the newspaper" that you hadn't heard previously. Maybe this is the publisher they were referring to.
When you ask Namjoon about it though, he is surprisingly unhelpful. He claims that he can't remember where he came across the article, saying that he often picks up stray newspapers for wrapping and packing purposes for the shop.
Well, you suppose you'll have to save it for later then.
Also among the pile of papers in the drawer, there's a short blurb announcing the opening of the Kim Morgue and Crematorium. Taking a closer look at the date tells you that Taehyung's practice has actually been passed down through nearly three generations.
Technically, Taehyung is actually Taehyung III, taking the same name as his father and grandfather and great-grandfather before him.
But it's the photo you stumble upon that really stalls your breath.
A portrait, faded and yellowing, dated almost seventy-five years ago. The subject is a man dressed in a brown suit and tie, his hair dark and curly, except it looks exactly like him. From the Roman slant of his nose, down to the way he positions his shoulders, it looks almost indistinguishable from the Taehyung of today. The family resemblance is apparently very strong.
And again, it's a little embarrassing how long it takes you to reach the conclusion that to others, especially to the supernaturally-inclined, might seem obvious.
But you've already mentioned that you're a bit of a skeptic.
october 28, 2004
You fear that you may be going a bit crazy.
The dreams are getting worse. They've escalated from simple images and sounds to corporeal sensations. You feel the water so sharply, the cold, the current, even the vibrations. You can see hands reaching towards you, and sometimes you are compelled to reach back. Sometimes you swear you wake up smelling of seawater.
And the itchy feeling of being watched has only gotten stronger. You feel as though you're always looking over your shoulder, always listening for following footsteps.
In the past few days, you've used your research as an effective distraction.
You've found that the Kim family has run the morgue out of the Addams house for almost as long as the Jung family has owned it, Taehyung hailing from a long line of coroners and forensic pathologists rooted in Farrow's End.
With a little digging, you discovered that the Jungs have been business tycoons for decades, buying and selling and trading their vast number of industries to generate a near endless stream of income that they then hand down to their children and children's children.
Unfortunately, most of the knowledge on the Jung family is circulated through the townsfolk, so you have to ask around a bit to get a more solid basis.
The current owner of the Addams house is one Jung Hoseok. Young, beautiful, and filthy rich, according to those you spoke with on the streets. But, apparently he spent most of his youth in a mental hospital. Not only a mental hospital, a high-security facility for the criminally insane.
Now, you're not sure how much of that you believe, but you still have to entertain the possibility.
And one day, you even catch sight of him. A small crowd tends to gather whenever the black Mercedes pulls into town, curious eyes prying into the tinted windows.
You're lingering outside the bookshop one afternoon, making sure you didn't leave anything behind after a four-hour-long research session, when the car rolls through the streets like a slinky black cat.
Whispers immediately fill the air, causing you to look up from your bag, which is bursting at the seams these days from all the papers you have to carry around.
The car stops at the curb in front of the cafe, the driver soon killing the engine. Then, the driver's side door opens, and a black-booted foot steps onto the sidewalk.
The man is handsome, you have to admit, with long black hair that curls at the nape of his neck. His face is sharp and angular, with a softly heart-shaped mouth and surprisingly bright eyes.
He's dressed in pressed pants and jacket, thin and elegant. The man walks into the cafe and picks up a to-go order, gets back into his car, and drives away without so much as a glance at all the people who have stopped to stare at him.
You being one of them, but you're fairly certain that you're the only one who takes a few pictures.
But it wasn't until yesterday that you started to really feel like you were losing your marbles.
As you're asking around town, you breach the subject of the town's forensic pathologist. Everyone you speak to has nothing but good things to say about the young coroner, except for the fact that he isn't as young as you thought he was.
You ask a woman you struck up a conversation with outside the grocery store about the Kim family, and she says that Taehyung did a fantastic job taking care of her nephew for his funeral.
You agree, mentioning your admiration for how educated he is for someone so young.
That's when the woman's face turns puzzled. "Young?" she says, raising an eyebrow. She goes on to say that the most recent Kim Taehyung has been running the morgue for the last twenty years.
"Taehyung III?" you ask. "Thin, dark eyes, looks a bit like a Roman statue?"
"Yes, that's the one. Took over the family business after his father died. But no children, I hear he's training a young apprentice that will likely take over when he retires."
You mention that surely Taehyung has time to have children, but that same confused expression crosses her face.
"Isn't he nearly seventy though?"
A squirmy feeling in the pit of your stomach. You awkwardly brush off the woman, apologizing for the confusion.
You ask almost every other passerby you see on the street that evening about the town coroner, and they all say the same thing. A kind man, very good at his job, and most definitely in his late sixties.
They all insist that there hasn't been a young Kim in the business since Taehyung was a trainee nearly thirty years prior.
So you do a little more digging, and turns out it's true. If you'd have looked a little closer at the dates on all of Taehyung's degrees and certificates, you'd find that he acquired them all between fifteen and twenty-five years ago.
You're tailing him the next morning. You got lucky, today being one of the rare days when he leaves the Addams house to go into town.
He steps out of the hearse in leather shoes and a sweater vest under his trenchcoat. You suppose he dresses like he's older, from the way he tucks in his shirt and cuffs his pants, but he also sports a crossbody bag over his shoulder that others would most likely consider feminine, but he pulls it off effortlessly.
The clouds are letting down a light rain, leaving dewdrops on your jacket and making Taehyung's hair appear just a bit fluffier.
There's that same streak of gray from his hairline. The only indicator that he possibly isn't an attractive man in his late twenties/early thirties.
But that's exactly what you're looking at. Not an older man with aged skin and silver hair, rather more like a bronze god with a mop of black curls. And the only sign of age from knowledge or experience is deep in his eyes.
You begin to follow him down the street, sneaking pictures occasionally, curious what would happen if you were to show said pictures to others. Would they still see an old man? Or would they see the young one you've been seeing from the beginning?
You get the odd sensation that you're being watched, but from a source you can't name, since you're fairly certain Taehyung hasn't noticed you.
It's as you're nearing the end of the sidewalk, slipping in-between a cluster of people, that he suddenly stops dead in his tracks.
You stop too, a cold chill latching onto your spine. He stands there for a moment, perfectly still.
Then, he turns over his shoulder and looks right at you.
There haven't been many times in your career where you're genuinely shocked speechless. And even fewer when your target is not only fully aware of the fact that you're trailing them, but apparently isn't bothered in the slightest by it.
Because then a smirk is creeping onto his face. Those tiger eyes turn a shade darker, and he nods his head slightly as if to greet you.
He knew you were watching him, they all did.
The ice under your skin only intensifies when you hear the click of a camera shutter from behind you.
Whipping around, you see Jung Hoseok standing just a few feet away, a camera held up to his face and the brim of his hat tilted down, but you know it's him.
And the lens is pointed at you.
What's strange is that no one else seems to notice him. Every other time you've seen him in town, everyone stops to stare, but now they slide around him like he isn't even there, their eyes looking right through him.
Something weird is definitely going on.
You dissolve back into the crowd like a ghost.
october 29, 2004
A letter appears on your doorstep. The stationary is soft and expensive-looking, with your name scrawled on the front in curling script. With no return address.
It's enclosed with a red wax seal, stamped with the image of a crow.
You debate on whether or not to open it for approximately three minutes.
Dearest _______,
We cordially invite you to the Addams House for dinner, dancing, and drinks on October 30 at 6:00 p.m. sharp. Please bring your case notes for discussion.
Dress code: semi-formal.
Fondly,
Jung Hoseok
The back of the paper reads:
How do you accept this invitation?
➳ With enthusiasm
➳ With excitement
You think about it for about thirty seconds. Circling "with enthusiasm," you slip the paper back into the envelope and set it back outside where you found it.
It's gone the next morning.
a/n: thanks so much for reading!! i would absolutely love to hear any of your thoughts! 👉👈
#bts x reader#ot7 x reader#bts ot7#bts fanfic#bts series#bts mystery#bts x fem!reader#bts fanfiction#bts angst#bts poly au#bts poly x reader#bts fic
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I think I've talked about this before, but Rakshasa Immortals are one of the most amusing but also interesting categories of archfiends in Pathfinder. Many fiends achieve the status of archfiend by taking it through strength, guile, or alliance, but Immortals reach their status through personal achievement.
Rakshasa--at least in 1st Edition lore, which I prefer to their 2e lore--are one of very few Outsiders who grow, age, and die, but unlike most mortals, they do not go to the Boneyard. Instead, they forcibly reincarnate themselves into new bodies. If a Rakshasa lived well and died peacefully, it can reincarnate into a form as great or greater than its previous one... but if they died in battle or having achieved nothing in their life, they are forced into lesser and lesser bodies with fewer and fewer of their past memories, until eventually their spirit is annihilated.
Immortals are just that: Rakshasa that have broken away from the cycle of reincarnation and, somehow, become truly immortal. For the majority of them this involves undertaking a task of incredible personal significance, one which often takes multiple lifetimes to complete, the reward for achieving this impossible personal goal being the freedom to glut on life's pleasures uninterrupted for the rest of their days. It's a twisted parody of the promise of eternal paradise, which certainly suits the twisted fiends.
I bring this up because many of the methods of immortality are funny. Vibhishah sealed the spirit of a great shaman into one of his whiskers, and when it inevitably fell from his face, he spent several hundred lifetimes searching for it again, achieving immortality when he found it. Dradjit sustains her immortality by wearing the teeth of another Immortal she killed by herself as a necklace. My favorite, however, is Zabha, whose quest for immortality saw him blaspheming against every non-Evil deity in existence, while also dancing on the graves of 10,000 different saints. I just appreciate the effort, if nothing else, spending weeks upon weeks in libraries, laboriously researching every god he could no matter how obscure they were in order to concoct the perfect way to blaspheme against them. It's implied that his quest wasn't just the gods of Golarion, either! Then comes the challenge of finding, breaking into, and then dancing on the graves of 10,000 different individual saints.
One almost has to respect the energy Zabha displays. The Ultimate Hater, the enemy of all that is Good... or even just Neutral.
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VALUES TO HOLD DEAR AND NEAR
Hi girls!! These are some quotes that typically ground me when I have struggles adhering to my own moral code/values. There is nothing shameful in struggling with your inner-self, the shame comes when we refuse to acknowledge it.
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KINDNESS
“Kindness is free to give, but priceless to receive”
“Be the reason someone smiles. Be the reason someone feels loved and believes in the goodness of people”
PERSEVERANCE
“I will persist until I succeed. Always will I take another step. If that is to no avail I will take another, and yet another. In truth, one step at a time is not too difficult. I know that small attempts, repeated, will complete undertaking.”
HONESTY
“If you cannot be honest with yourself, there is no hope of being honest with anyone else.”
“If you are a person who won’t be honest unless other people can ensure that there will be no consequences for your honesty, you will never actually find the people, places, and things that you are actually compatible to. You are dooming yourself to a life of incompatibility.”
HUMILITY
“Humility is the mother of all virtues; purity, charity and obedience. It is in being humble that our love becomes real, devoted and ardent. If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are. If you are blamed you will not be discouraged. If they call you a saint you will not put yourself on a pedestal.”
“Humility is the first step towards learning. You can't learn until you are humble enough to realize there is something for you to learn.”
So much love,
A girl unfiltered 💋
#girly blog#girlblogging#just girly thoughts#girls of tumblr#this is a girlblog#self healing#self growth#self worth#self care#self love#self improvement#healing words#healing#mindset#reminder#wellness#wellness girl#growth#kind notes to self#spread kindness#be kind to yourself#becoming that girl#that girl#it girl#glow up era#glow up#healthy life tips#lifestyle#motivation#life quotes
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Ambiguity
Pairings: James [Bucky] Barnes x Original Female Character
Rating: Very strong M, for Mature.
Warnings: Extreme angst. Language. Sex. Sub!Bucky if you squint. Bucky is an Avenger in this and he loves Prada and Yves Saint Laurent. He’s also really vocal in bed.
Summary: Bucky undertakes a mission to rescue a girl from a sex trafficking ring. Her name is Iris. However, a shocking revelation emerges. Everything escalates, culminating into probably one of the most intense scenes in fanfic history where Iris must confess to a small detail, unraveling everything Bucky thought he knew.
Love never hurt this bad before.
You thought you knew what angst was before this story? Welcome aboard.
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(the “probably one of the most intense scenes in fanfic history” is obviously me just being biased about my own story, but hey maybe you’ll agree.)
I’m back. And this time i’m not here to fuck around. As promised, I’m ready to share with you guys the details about my new upcoming Bucky multi-chapter fic, which will be posted in its entirety in early 2025.
Simply leave a comment below if you’d like to be notified when this story is dropped. It will also be posted on Wattpad and AO3.
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In the Gaza Strip, there are two cemeteries that contain the remains of British soldiers, most of whom died fighting in World War One, a few of whom died in World War Two.
Owned by the UK-based Commonwealth War Graves Commission, they are known locally as the British graveyards, and are regarded as a major cultural and archaeological site in the Palestinian enclave.
The Gaza War Cemetery lies in al-Tuffah neighbourhood in the north of Gaza. It has 3,217 graves, of which 781 are unidentified. Second World War burials number 210.
There are 30 post-war burials and 234 war graves of other nationalities. The other is located in the north of Deir al-Balah, in the area of al-Zwayda.
Inside it lies 724 soldiers, all of them British. Both cemeteries have survived since Israel's war on Gaza began, just as they have survived many conflicts before.
In 2006, the Gaza War Cemetery was partially damaged by an Israeli missile. Israel paid £90,000 as compensation.
In addition, about 350 headstones needed repair after Israel’s three-week assault on Gaza in 2009. Few areas of Gaza have been spared the onslaught of Israel’s latest military operation.
But compared with the scores of Palestinian graveyards left in ruins by the assault, the British cemeteries appear to have been consciously avoided. Al-Shujayya, Beit Hanoon and Khan Younis's cemeteries have all been wrecked, as well as the graveyard of the Church of Saint Porphyrius - believed to be the world's third oldest church - which was reduced to rubble.
Running out of capacity since January and receiving scores of corpses every day, the municipality of Deir al-Balah has been reliant on mass graves to absorb the influx.
“The continuous Israeli bombardment leaves us with no choice. We dig tens of metres deep into the ground to bury people. There were days I had to bury 300 or 400 people," Abu Jawad Baraka, a 64-year-old undertaker, told MEE.
"But Israel can’t cause havoc to the British graveyards and will pay so much money in compensation to repair what was barely damaged. They’re sacred to them, and just thinking about it hurts.”
✍️ and 📸 by Abubaker Abed
#Abubaker Abed#grave desecration#free Palestine#free gaza#I stand with Palestine#Gaza#Palestine#Gazaunderattack#Palestinian Genocide#Gaza Genocide#end the occupation#Israel is an illegal occupier#Israel is committing genocide#Israel is committing war crimes#Israel is a terrorist state#Israel is a war criminal#Israel is an apartheid state#Israel is evil#Israeli war crimes#Israeli terrorism#IOF Terrorism#Israel kills babies#Israel kills children#Israel kills innocents#Israel is a murder state#Israeli Terrorists#Israeli war criminals#Boycott Israel#Israel kills journalists#Israel kills kids
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St. Dismas
Feast day: March 25
Patronage: repentant thieves, prisoners, undertakers
Saint Dismas was the good thief crucified with Jesus on Calvary. This is what St. Luke writes about him: 39 And one of those robbers who was hanged blasphemed him, saying: If thou be Christ, save thyself and us. 40 But the other answering, rebuked him, saying: Neither dost thou fear God, seeing; thou art under the same condemnation? 41 And we indeed justly: for we receive the due reward of our deeds. But this man hath done no evil. 42 And he said to Jesus: Lord, remember me when thou shalt come into thy kingdom. 43 And Jesus said to him: Amen I say to thee: This day thou shalt be with me in paradise. Luke 23:39-43
Prints, plaques & holy cards available for purchase here: (website)
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Sherlock & Co - Mailbag Episode 4 Transcript
00:00-00:29 *Intro Music*
00:28 John: Hello there, Mister Flatmate.
00:31 Sherlock (Resigned): What is it and why have you got your laptop?
00:34 John: It’s that time! My fine fellow-
00:34 Sherlock: For goodness sake. *sounds of him moving on furniture*
00:36 John: Oi, where you going?
00:38 Sherlock: I’m getting my cushion.
00:39 John: Your cushion?
00:40 Sherlock: Yes. Here. This one.
00:42 John: That- that’s Mariana’s.
00:45 Sherlock: Ah, it’s mine.
00:46 John: I know it’s her’s. I bought it for her for Christmas.
00:50 Sherlock: Are you sure?
00:51 John: Yes, because you don’t support Real Sociedad and she does.
00:56 Sherlock: *pause* I could.
00:57 John: Yeah, you could, but you don’t. Ok- *gibbers* It doesn’t matter. Just sit on the bloody cushion. Fine. Qs! And indeed As! Here we go. Uh, ahem, mm, just a disclaimer here, to the patrons. Um. I’m old. Uh, I’m thirty-four. If-if I see a question in the Discord, I-I just ask it. Uh, if it’s in the wrong order or i-if I’ve missed some out. It’s-it’s probably just me not seeing it. So, y’know. Right-o! Uh-Ooo! Off to a flyer here! Milque asks, “Favorite tube line?”
01:29 Sherlock: Victoria.
01:30 Yeah, Victoria. Yeah, yeah. Generally, most Londoners will give that answer. Umm, y’know clean trains, not too many stops, and some big stations on there. Y’know King’s Cross, Euston, Oxford Circus, um Victoria, obviously. Um, some other lines worth mention: Bakerloo brings a certain vibe. B-bit of a sort of kooky, deranged, but pleasant elderly uncle that doesn’t wash kind of vibe. Uh, central line is possibly the most hated, ah, especially during the summer. Um, Piccadilly gets a lot of people headed to Heathrow, so it comes with a lot of baggage. Hah! Literally clambering over suitcases on that one. The Elizabeth line is amazing, but seems to be closed or delayed most of the time. Um, so thanks for listening to TubeCast!
02:20 John: Heh, right. Next question! SaraHawke722 asks, “How do you both know Stamford?” Stamo! The Stamster! I think therefore I Stam. Heh, uh, I-I added those bits. They didn’t say that. Uh, right. Sherlock you go first.
02:36 Sherlock: I met him at St. Bart’s.
02:39 John: That’s uh Saint Bartholemew’s Hospital in London
02:42 Sherlock: I know.
02:43 John: Yes, I know, I’m just telling the listener.
02:45 Sherlock: *pause* Right… I met him at St. Bart’s. There was a study on skin grafting that he was undertaking. I initially made a number of enquiries about the study, he then hired me to work with him on it. Then after that he wanted me on other projects that I didn’t find that interesting, but *with emphasis* he did let me use the lab.
03:03 John: Great, uh ok, um, I met Stamo in Freshes week at University. Um, the University of London. W-which is kind of affiliated with UCL and King’s College London.
03:15 Sherlock: By kind of affiliated, you mean it’s for their underachieving undergrads.
03:19 John: Uh, sorry mate, what University did you go to, exactly? *silence* Yeah, right, thought so. Uh, by the way, um, few of our American listeners have mentioned that you and Victor went to college together. College in the UK is sixteen to eighteen, generally speaking. Um, but, sorry Sherlock, posh lads will sometimes call boarding school a ‘college’. Uhh, I d-I don’t know why. They also call their private boarding schools ‘public schools’. So, yeah, I know. Weird lot. Uh, anyway, yeah, met Stamo at University of London in Freshes week, we both liked football. He’s a Villa fan, Aston Villa that is. We, we kinda were, uh, both out of our depth a little bit with medical degree life, so y’know maybe stuck together. Which. Which was stupid really as you should probably attach yourself to some smartarse, but hey! Y’know! Live and learn! Uh, he started to do well at Uni. Um, he went on to y’know big-big private practice and cosmetic surgery for the most part. And I got shot at for a living, so. Yeah. Listen in school, kids. Listen in school. Uh, WeirdScience asks “Do you believe in ghosts?”
04:32 Sherlock: No. Do you?
04:33 John: Uh, no. No, no. Joff asks “Sorry to be intrusive doctor, but did you suffer any hearing loss during your army days?” Pardon? *wheezing laugh* Ha, uhh no. No, seriously, I did. Um, I burst an ear drum, twice, um, actually, in Afghanistan. I-in my right ear. Uh, thought it was fine, but then after Ukraine when I was getting a full body M.O.T. as it were, there were signs of hearing loss. Um, yeah, but I’ve been lucky I think. I hope it doesn’t get worse as I’ve built my career in audio now. So. Yeah-yeah, but uh a little. A little bit. Um, JellyBaby says, “Dogs or Cats, podboys?”
05:18 Sherlock: I prefer vermin.
05:19 John: Hm. I uh prefer dogs, through and through. Yeah. Um, y’know I like a cat, but they don’t get me. Dogs get me. Ain’t that right, Arch? Heh. Uh, don’t know where he is actually. He’s probably downstairs with Mariana. Catonk asks, “What’s your favorite musical?” We-well it won’t be ‘Cats’! Hahaha! Ahh, Sherlock, your favorite musical?
05:43 Sherlock: What’s the one with the man?
05:46 John: The. The one with the man. Um. Right. You’ve just described the entirety of art and media there.
05:54 Sherlock: He has a piano and he lives in a cave.
05:57 John: Piano in a cave?
05:59 Sherlock: There’s a girl he loves. He-he-he’s got half a face.
06:01 John: Ohh! Phantom of the Opera.
06:04 Sherlock: Yes! I thought that one was okay.
06:07: Great. Yeah, no, it’s a good’un, it’s a good’un. Good answer, I like Phantom. I like Les Mis. I know that’s a boring answer, but some incredible songs in that. Uhhh, yeah. Question via email here from Sartori, “Did you feel bad for Violet Caruthers, because I did.” Um, well yeah, I did. Um. She, uh- I-I-I don’t know how to put it, really-
06:34 Sherlock (interjecting): Had given up control of her life.
06:36 John: Yeah, it was- I don’t know- confidence shot to shit? Th-th-the truest sort of victim I think I’ve ever seen, really. She just, uh, she couldn’t grasp the wheel on her own life. Like Sherlock says. Was that why you were reluctant on that case, Sherlock?
06:55 Sherlock: Very much so. Men had muscled in and filled the gaps she had created from her own insecurity. I didn’t wish to be yet another imposing presence.
07:05 John: But we were.
07:07 Sherlock: We were. And what good did it do?
07:10 John: Saved a bloke’s life?
07:11 Sherlock: Mm, we didn’t pull the trigger but we may as well have. And we set the process in motion.
07:18 John: Welllll… right. Yeah. Okay, didn’t think this q and a session would get so deep. Um. But, yeah, t-that, uh… Welcome to True Crime! *awkward huff laugh* Yeah, we don’t always run off or cycle off into the sunset. Um. Yeah. Uh, okay. Mush-Pit asks, “How many languages do you know?”
07:47 Sherlock: Many.
07:48 John: Great.Uh, why?
07:50 Sherlock: When I was young, I often fooled myself into thinking perhaps it was my grasp of language that was the reason that I didn’t quite fit in. So, I decided to try a number of other languages to see if they worked as a better and more effective means of communication. I wondered whether the nuance and subtle signals of the English language were what was holding me back from social environments. So, I attempted other languages.
08:14 John: Right, and how did that go?
08:15 Sherlock: It’s the same. It would appear it’s nothing to do with language.
08:20 John: Yeah, I’m inclined to agree with you there. I’m rubbish with languages. Ha, it never sticks for some reason. Um, hole in my brain I think. Mariana is also a dab hand at the old languages. She cracked open a bit of Russian the other day. I nearly ducked for cover! * laughs at his own joke* Uh, *clears through* RangerPip asks, “Have you seen any of the fan content Sherlock?”
08:42 Sherlock: Yes, because you keep showing me. And sticking things on the fridge.
08:46 John: Uh, yeah because they’re cool. They’re really good mate! Just-just you wait until I show you the presentation.
08:52 Sherlock: The what?
08:53 John: Nothing. Right question via email from Unbelted, “Does the fingerprint in your logo make an ‘S’ and is that deliberate?” Yes, um is the answer to that. My idea, thanks. Uh, Jones asks, “What’s our spice tolerance?” So, um, right. Okay, yeah. I can go really spicy for Indian. Uh, I can hit the searing temperatures of the Madras and the Vindaloo no problem. Lot of Brits can actually. But I tell you what, Indonesian and Thai spicing I feel. Geez, whew, that is-is a whole different realm of spice. Um…phew. S-sherlock?
09:32 Sherlock: I like the sensation.
09:35 John. Yep, uh. Anything else to add?
09:39 Sherlock: It depends on my emotional connection to the food.
09:42 John: Of course, of course. Well, a-a-as mentioned in Gloria Scott, Sherlock will only eat certain foods if he’s in the right mood. The mood for food, heh. Uh, right-o. Few general questions asking how pancake day went. Uh, yep. No dramas. Went well. Went ‘flipping’ great. Eh? Hehe. Uh, yeah, uh oo! Questions and comments. A lot from North American Podpals, uh, about me describing a woman as ‘tasty’. Um. So, ‘tasty’ is a Carol Watson word. Uh. T-t-the sort she would use for young, handsome men that she flirts with when she can. Um, don’t know what the American equivalent would be? Um? Yeah, you know, what’s a lame word used to describe someone as good looking? Y’know what would an elderly woman use basically…get in touch! Right, another question here. Uh, by the way, when I started this whole question and answer thing, Goalhanger and I thought this would be a great way to field questions about cases. Um. Y’know about the people we meet, about the nature of the crimes we’ve dealt with, uh to fill in possible knowledge gaps, and impart little gems of information that expose the murky nature of crime. Um. Which takes us to this question from Saphhster, “John, what are your thoughts on ranch dressing?” *long pause* I mean, yeah. I like it. I like it, it’s good stuff. Um, Sherlock is nodding. Uh, it’s audio mate. Great. Thanks for your contribution. Uh, Tonky asks, “Does Sherlock have any tattoos?” Apart from my face on his bum. Heh, that’s a joke. That’s a joke, don’t write in. Sherlock, tattoos?
11:26 Sherlock: A spiral on my hip.
11:28 John: What?! Alright, well let’s see! Get it out. *sound of clothes being moved/removed* Oh, well that’s rubbish.
11:34 Sherlock: I know.
11:35 John: Why’d you get that done?
11:36 Sherlock: I-it’s scarring from falling out of bed. I had it filled in because it looked like a spiral.
11:42 John: Okay. Sarah Hawke again with a question, “What is your advice about dealing with a noisy flatmate? Would love both your takes on this lol. I’m at Uni and have a noisy and slightly annoying flatmate. Somehow I’ve agreed to live with them next year as well.” Um, okay Sara Hawke, w-
12:03 Sherlock (cutting John off): Try to tune them out as best you can. Bring in other elements to distract you from their noisiness.
12:09 John (cutting Sherlock off): Sorry, what are you doing?
12:10 Sherlock: Answering wonky-blonk’s question.
12:12 John: It’s not ‘Wonky-Blonk’, it’s Sarah Hawke. Who’s Wonky-Blonk?
12:15 Sherlock: They’re all called that.
12:17 John: Look, I live with a noisy flatmate, alright, it’s clearly directed at me.
12:20 Sherlock: They said both of us.
12:21 John: Yeah, but they added a ‘lol’, okay. That means they recognize the irony of you being asked.
12:26 Sherlock: Why?
12:27 John: Because you initiate a fucking marching band at three am every night. Ssssake. Uh, yeah, Sarah Hawke, I would say get some earbuds. Play music. Uh, white noise is good. Um, oh, I l-looked into this. You can get quite cool soundproofing panels on Amazon. Um, they don’t look awful and they do kind of work. Sometimes. Uh, yeah, right, anyway. That’s it. Thanks for the ‘Qs’, hope you liked the ‘As’ and we will see you soon. He’s wav-He’s waving. It’s. It’s audio m- For god’s sake-
13:00-13:30 *Outro Music Plays*
#sherlock & co#sherlock and co#sherlock holmes#john watson#sherlock and john#transcript#transcripts#goalhanger podcasts#my transcript
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At Saint Sophia Convent, Sister Agnes continued her aggressive massaging of Sister Beryl's ample breasts.
"Your orbs are such wonderful receptors of stimulation, Sister Beryl."
"Yes, yes, more, please. Squeeze them. Pinch them. Tug them. If I turn around, will you smack them, and suck them, and bite them?"
"Don't I always? Of course, that will cause me to need to totally disrobe you and delve into your nether region as well. Will you accept such advances?"
"Always, Sister Agnes, always. And I will be more than ready to return the nether delving in kind, if you so desire."
"Oh, I do so desire. Turn around. We have much activity to undertake this evening."
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Orosius
Paulus Orosius (usually given as Orosius, 5th century CE) was a Christian theologian and historian who was also a friend and protege of St. Augustine of Hippo (l. 354-430 CE). He is best known for his work Seven Books of History Against the Pagans in which he argued that the 410 CE sack of Rome by Alaric I, King of the Goths (r. 394-410 CE) had nothing to do with the Roman adoption of Christianity, a claim popularly supported among the pagans of the day. He was encouraged to undertake the work by Augustine whose book City of God was inspired by the same event. Tracing the history of the world from creation to his own time, from a Christian perspective, Orosius' work was immensely popular with followers of the new religion and became a standard history referenced by later writers. Following the publication of his book, he disappears from the historical record.
Life & Career
Little is known of Orosius' early life. He was probably born in Portugal to an upper-class family in c. 380 CE and entered the priesthood at some point in his early years, probably before the age of 20. In 414 CE he was forced to leave his home in Hispania quickly (for unknown reasons) and booked passage on a ship to Hippo in North Africa to meet Saint Augustine. He seems to have made a good impression on the older cleric because, the next year, Augustine sent him to Jerusalem to debate with the heretic Pelagius, author of the Pelagian Heresy, which claimed that man was capable of individual salvation without the church's intercession.
In Jerusalem, Orosius conferred with Saint Jerome and John, Bishop of Jerusalem and faced Pelagius at a synod called to discuss the heresy. The outcome was inconclusive but, in the official report sent to Rome, Orosius' own orthodoxy was questioned. This charge prompted him to write his defense in the book Liber Apologeticus contra Pelagianos (Defense against Pelagius) maintaining his orthodoxy while condemning Pelagius.
Orosius left Palestine at some point in early 416 CE, having been given the relics of the first Christian martyr Saint Stephen (from the biblical Book of Acts 6 & 7) to bring back to his home in Portugal. He stopped first in Hippo to deliver letters to Augustine from Jerome, and it is generally thought that Augustine approached him at this time regarding writing his history.
Most scholars agree that Orosius' history shows signs of being written in haste and perhaps Augustine wanted it finished quickly so that he could use it as a resource in completing City of God. Other theories suggest that Orosius assisted in writing City of God and his history is written quickly because he was working on two pieces at once. All of this is speculation, however, because all that is really known is that Orosius left Hippo and returned with St. Stephen's relics to Portugal. He then wrote his history and, shortly afterwards, disappeared.
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