#STOP TRYING TO RUIN PEOPLE FOR FUN
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"Feixiao's eng va got fired because she-" SHUT. SILENCE. SHHHHH. CHH CH CH. ENOUGH. If I see anymore misinformation about this i'm gonna explode
#honkai star rail#nihil dreams#Feixiao#STOP MAKING DRAMA THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE#IT'S PROBABLY THE STRIKES#DONT JUMP THE GUN AND MAKE BASELESS ASSUMPTIONS#STOP TRYING TO RUIN PEOPLE FOR FUN#anyways Anairis Quinones ily
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hey, do you all remember when Sherlock Holmes was like “all the cases I took on before I met you, Watson, were premature” ??? “You should have been there, Watson” !!! “Before you came into my life I missed you so bad, WATSON” !!!!
#gayass Victorian detectives ruining my life fr 😤#like yes I know Holmes is just trying to get out of cleaning their apartment here but why is he being SO CUTE ABOUT IT#‘my boy’ ENOUGH#quoting the great philosopher Carly Rae jepsen here#sherlock holmes#the musgrave ritual#the memoirs of sherlock holmes#acd#acd canon#acd holmes#john watson#arthur conan doyle#I just keep thinking about how fun this will be when Watson’s sketchbook gets around to it#I should have a tag for my Complete Sherlock Holmes read#I should also stop having Sherlock Holmes opinions for a few days at least because my notifications are just people yelling at me rn
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Hey, saw that you're having a bit of rough day. :(
I'm almost finished the next part.
But, would you like Prowl to bully "the wet bread moron" Josh? (as a treat. there's a part I could slide it in) Like a little petty revenge like get back at people being jerks to orcas?
-GLC
Oh I would absolutely love that yes🥺👉👈
#Prowl deserves that#especially since they all keep expecting him to behave like a crazy scared horse/j#I was spending a lot of time watching videos and reading articles about wild and captive orcas#sorry it's a bit unrelated just don't mind the tags kflgmdbd#yeah so. I remember going to aquarium a bunch of years ago and seeing those performances#I was absolutely AMAZED by orcas because as a kid I was kinda obsessed with them haha#watched a lot of documentaries. all about wild orcas#so shortly after I went to the aquarium I tried to look for their stuff on the internet. some recordings and photos and names of the animals#there were A LOT of people SCREAMING around that content. Telling everyone that those animals are abused and suffering#-and shouldn't be held captive. Calling the aquarium “the orca prison” and stuff#I remember how annoyed I was seeing them. Because the staff cheerfully told me that “see they live happy they have a lot of food and-#-and nothing to worry about. What else can they want?“#I was so pissed at those “crazy hysterical eco activists” because they were actively ruining such a fun place#Now when I know better I wish I could meet those people and thank them#they got what they were fighting for. well. mostly they did#Hunting orcas is illegal now thanks to them#and breeding stopped too#they refused to let their last surviving Orca free (she was caught. not born in captivity) but they stated they won't try to get more orcas#Every time I see something about wild orcas it's so amazing and every time I see what humans do to them it gets more horrible#With all that said. If someone is still reading this haha. I now have another idea for a character who's gonna suffer immensely#because I went to see what exactly those activists vere fighting against and now I have some fresh fucking ideas
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I just vented out a whole rant about how aromantisim is treated within Hazbin/helluva. I'm not really sure if I should post it for multiple reasons, one of which being I don't want anyone to feel targeted about it or take it the wrong way (like I honestly dont have beef with Al shippers. Gripes, but no beef as I also ship him on occasion).
There was just a sudden burst of frustration I had with it that I think was in part just came from built up frustration from other things. There's things I'd like to have out there, but I don't really think it'd get far or, again, be just taken the wrong way. I don't see a point in posting if people are gonna ignore it, plus it wouldn't change how things are now. If anyone has any thoughts or are curious let me know, but I don't wanna make anyone feel like shit or put a pointless rant out there no one wanted to see. I also wanna keep rants to a minimum as I know people aren't always into that sort of stuff, especially if you don't follow someone for that and you just get an influx of posts of them complaining. And I still want to keep things relatively light hearted around here, at best maybe just some critiques on things here and there.
It's late, I'm on my phone when I should probably just sleep it off, so sleep it off I will.
#i don't know if I wanna tag any ships#I guess I'm just exhausted with a lot of things#I'd love for shippers to read it to get a bit more insight on the topi c#not to stop them from shipping ofc they can have all the fun with it.#The shipping itself has never been the problem for me.#And lately I don’t even think it's the shippers themselves that I take issue with as much anymore#maybe A part I don’t like how aromatisim is swept under the rug#may I reiterate my “how would it feel if the top ships had Angel only in straght ships” example#But I think it's more how the official media and people are with it.#Viv's statement potentially implying “confirming Alastor as aro would ruin peoples fun” isnt cool#makes it seem like being aro is bad#especially since every other character's orientations were confirmed despite them being irrelevant to the plot#I know thats not what she was trying to imply#but it Unforutnately reads that way#and people who aren't comfy with others shipping him are read as uncool I guess#^i like to think thats the loud minority of shippers talking but idk#might delete later#don't need this clogging up the blog or people's dash#rant#aro alastor#hazbin hotel shipping#hazbin ships#hazbin hotel ship#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel critical#vivziepop criticism#vivziepop critical#vivziepop#hazbin hotel criticism#aroace alastor
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“Why’s he call you Darlin’?”
on my knees begging my brain to stop trying to associate this song with Sam
#(it’s too late guys i’ve already added it to a couple playlists. i can’t help it)#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redacted sam#redacted darlin#rp audio stuff#Seven’s Blorbo Songs#music stuff#i fell down a rabbit hole of music videos on YT last night and decided to give this song a chance based on the title obviously#skipped through all the exposition just to quickly find out if i liked the song or not#and as soon as the first line came in i went head-in-hands at my desk bc i just Knew it was over for me#i hate that i like it#it’s very repetitive and giving strong Modern/Mainstream Pop-Rap-Country vibes#but i’m not too proud to admit that i eat that shit up on occasion#‘You’ve been beatin’ ‘round the bush so much you’re knockin’ off the leaves.’ goes kinda hard tho i’m ngl#‘ole boy in a Ridgeline and i drive a Chevy’ would Sam be a truck elitist? hmm#i doubt it. i see him as too practical-minded to care about brand names and shit like that#like irl i think it’s very silly. and perhaps a little questionable to hate on a ‘foreign’ vehicle. but i don’t even like trucks at all so#insecure country boys and their obsession with big trucks are ruining the road for us regular people that just want a normal ass car#but i’ll stop before i go off on a rant about america’s transportation problems#anyways. i can separate reality from fiction and i love the image of Sam in a beat up beloved old truck. cliché as it may be#getting back on track. my POINT was that the song doesn’t even necessarily fit Sam’s vibes i just. can’t undo the association#been trying to think of a way for it to fit him but that would require Darlin’ to be cheating on him and i don’t like that thought#like i love some types of angst but cheating isn’t one of them#i could view it through the context of being directed at Alexis bc i already hate her lmao but once again it doesn’t fit in canon#and i don’t know how i feel about the thought that he used to call her Darlin’ too. though it’s very possible. mmm angst#not that it has to fit with canon for me to attach a song to a character. certainly not! but i need to make it work in my mind Somehow#and i can’t even come up with a good HC to make this fit. the idea of Jealous!Sam is fun in theory but idk if i’d like it practice anyways#tldr: does this really fit canon Sam? meh. Is it forever tied to him in my mind anyways due to the use of the petname Darlin’? absolutely.#anywho. one of these days i’ll open this app to do something other than vent post or yap abt rp audio blorbos. but that day is not today!
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Okay I understand where people are coming from with the "emotional suppression in Vulcans is learned not genetic" talk re: "Charades" but, consider......... the emotional suppression is muscle memory, and the aliens took away the mental muscles that remembered how to do it. It's a crude metaphor on my part, but that was the way I saw it.
Also consider: it's a sci fi show using extremely high-concept bullcrap science on a weekly basis and maybe nitpicking it is a fruitless endeavor because none of it is going to make sense otherwise and enjoying the ride for what it is is a much more enjoyable way to engage with this franchise. Sometimes you need to shrug and let dumb things happen and laugh.
#i am so sick of whatching people find itty bitty things to pick SNW apart over#I'm trying really hard not to get internet preachy about it because everyone it entitled to their own opinions#but some people really beed to calm down and stop taking everything so seriously#Star Trek has NEVER had completely accurate science#or consistent rules within it's own universe#I mean look at Threshold#that is 1000% Not How Evolution Works#like at all#but we all laugh it off and throw a party about it every year#or how about the fact that Miles O Brien was a Leiutenant#and then he was suddenly an enlisted man#I could go on#but the point is that if you get caught up in the trees you'll miss the forest#and also a bundle of laughs because that was a very funny episode#was it perfect? of course not#but I am not gonna let the flaws ruin the whole thing for me#I had fun and laughed and smiled and that's all that really matters in my book#Strange New Worlds#snw spoilers#I'm really hesitant to tag this because I don't want people coming for my head lol#but alas I need to make sure people who haven't watched the episode can block spoilers
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask “why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad 😂 but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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Archive-locking the fics that YOU WROTE and are thus 100% yours to decide what to do with 'hurting people' is so silly tbh. Skill issue on their part. Wish those people could be normal about the amazing fics that writers like you put out & be understanding or at the very least respectful of the choices that writers make about how and where they make their fics available. Especially in light of recent ai training theft and nonsense & all that.
I hope this doesn't sour the fic writing & sharing experience for you too much. I love your writing & think you're very talented & skilled!
There seem to be dual attitudes I'm coming up against recently (and obviously these are not held by everyone, I don't even know that they are held by a majority, but they are certainly held by a plurality).
The first is that authors should be grateful that readers deign to read what they put out there. I think this stems from the "content creation" mentality and the idea that everyone who posts things wants as massive as an audience as possible (for monetization purposes which... isn't a thing in fanfic). I think this mindset also leads to readers demanding that people write specific tropes/pairings/whatever, or threatening basically to take their business elsewhere. "Nobody will read unless you do [X]." 1. Not true and 2. Okay, you weren't my audience.
(I also think authors circulating those posts about how badly they want comments/kudos feeds this mentality of readers doing authors a favor by even clicking on the fic. "Wow, if people are so desperate for attention, then mine must be worth an awful lot!")
Fanfic ain't a business, and I write for myself. Readers choosing to read my work isn't a privilege or an honor they are bestowing upon me (nor are comments for that matter), just as me posting my writing where they can see it isn't a privilege or an honor for them. We are both engaging in hobbies and a love of some media, and sometimes we will overlap and connect and sometimes we won't. Readers aren't reading out of altruism for attention-starved authors, and authors aren't writing out of altruism for content-hungry readers.
And there are those who will read these paragraphs above and think to themselves "wow, what an ungrateful author," and that's exactly the attitude I'm talking about. Don't get me wrong, it's delightful and rewarding to receive comments on fics and chat with people about Blorbo and the Situations. But it should be delightful from both sides of the exchange, or why the hell are we doing this? If I'm meant to be grateful for every commenter who jumps into my inbox, then every commenter in my inbox better be grateful for me, and I can tell you right now there is a population who is not. There is a population who sees me as a service provider for their entertainment, and whatever form I take in their brain, it is not shaped like a full person.
This attitude also leads to people thinking that things like lorefm are no big deal. Don't I want to get my work in front of more eyeballs (or ears)? Don't I want to broaden my audience? And once I put my work out there for readers to see, should I be shocked (or express any negative emotions at all) when someone plagiarizes/scrapes it for AI/demands updates rudely/reads it on a monetized youtube channel/binds it and sells it for profit?
The other idea I've been coming up against is almost the opposite of this--that because some readers form attachments to fic, deleting that fic (or even archive-locking it!) is actively harming those readers. Sure, they can't be bothered to hit the download button or get an AO3 account, but that's no reason not to think of these strangers first before doing what I want with my creative output.
Yall, life is ephemeral. There are things we will see and enjoy and never find again for one reason or another, and it's not harm being done to us, it's just the nature of existence. Having an emotional reaction to something does not give you any sort of ownership over that thing. Artists are allowed to change their minds about whether they want that art in the wild, particularly given that it's free. Maybe it's because I utilize the library a lot, but reading a book and then losing access to that book is not a crime against you, it's just a normal thing that happens. If you read something and it means that much to you, there are ways to avoid losing it (download it).
Seeing this particular attitude extend out to "not making your fic available for as many people to read as possible is harming them" is beyond bizarre. If I woke up tomorrow and deleted everything I have ever written, there would still be thousands upon thousands upon thousands of beautiful, emotional, meaningful fics out there for people to read. They would lack for nothing. Would some people be upset? Probably. Would I be hurting them? No, not really.
Sometimes people have negative emotions because of our actions, but that doesn't mean we did anything to them. This is one of those times.
Lastly, this AI and everything else bullshit really has taken a toll on my enthusiasm for posting my work. It's one thing for companies to try to pillage every thought, every word, every stroke of a pen or paintbrush to enrich themselves while actively making the planet an unbearable and inhospitable place to live, it's another when fellow fans are telling you that "Whelp that's just life, what did you expect, give us your content anyway or you're a bad person and if you complain, then I'll be taking my business elsewhere, you sensitive, entitled creative, lol."
#because here's the thing#it just stops being fun#and fun is the reason I (and hopefully all of us) started writing in the first place#if I wanted to cater to people whose tastes aren't mine#I would be trying to woo the taylor swift fans who control the publishing industry#and don't get me wrong the people on AO3 who interact with my stuff rule#Particularly patrochilles fans like that group of people has given me the best writing experience of anyone#and I don't want to let some idiotic exchanges ruin the joy I get from writing#but it feels like it's coming from all sides this year#I do think everyone would benefit if we all remembered that author-reader interactions are just two strangers attempting to communicate#sometimes good sometimes awkward sometimes wires get crossed sometimes cultures clash most often it's just small talk
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"i dont care if people who havent read the books get spoiled for the show" <- words of a person i now want to bite and yell at
#BE FUCKING NICE#A LOT OF THEM ARE CHILDREN??? THEY EITHER HAVENT GOTTEN AROUND TO READING THE BOOKS BECAUSE THEY DIDNT HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO YET#OR#ADDITIONALLY IT IS 2023. THE WORLD IS DIFFERENT AND MEDIA IS BEING ADAPTED FOR NEW GENERATIONS#TRY HOLDING SOME WONDER AND JOY IN YOUR HEART AND THINK ABOUT HOWW FUN IT IS TO EXPERIENCE A STORY FOR THE FIRST TIME#STOP SPOILING SHIT ON PURPOSE IT MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT CRIMES❤️#literally dont be a spiteful dick and stop ruining things for fun or because you want to gatekeep and have a superiority complex#fuck uou i would personally give ANYTHING to get to experience this story for the first time again#and watching people ruin in in real time for people experiencing it for the firdt time. i hate you#ypure all extremely selfish and shortsighted for doing this whole 'yeah but the books have been out for forever.. :/' bs#absolutely giving yourself away as a fucking clown with no ability to gain anything positive from shared joy. get well soon#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#pjo show#percy jackson show#pjo tv show#eeanpost#ALSO THE FUCKING AUDACITY FOR THE FANBASE OF A BOOK SERIES ABOUT KIDS STRUGGLING WITH LEARNING DISABILITIES TO YELL AT PEOPLE FOR NOTREADING#DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YPURSELVES ???? WHAT THE FUCK??? THE STORY IS MORE ACCESSIBLE NOW. THAT IS A GOOD THING. HTJSJJTJFJG
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※ romantic gestures. bold what applies to your muse, italicize if there's potential (or if it depends). strikethrough for never.
WITHOUT FEELINGS INVOLVED (for fun / work)
holding hands · buying flowers · cooking · cuddles · writing a poem / song · holding door open · tying shoe laces · sharing a milkshake with two straws · offering their jacket when it's cold · kissing in the rain · publicly confessing love.
long walks at the beach · doing the titanic pose on a boat · kissing the back of their hand · slow dancing · introducing them to their parents · lighting candles · flower petals on bed · love letters · stargazing · brushing / doing their hair · picnics · teaching them to play an instrument while gently guiding their hands · compliments.
drawing them · self-made gifts · massages · proposing with a family heirloom ring · lending them their favorite book to read · paying for dinner / coffee · surprise birthday parties · feeding them · handing them keys to their apartment · making space in drawer for their clothes when they stay over · sharing a blanket · couple costumes.
tucking a hair strand behind their ear · keeping them from leaving · moving cities to be together · blowing a kiss · breakfast in bed · defending them in a fight · joint bubble baths · dropping the l-bomb / "i love you" (<-lying odysseus replied...) · dedicating a song to them · wearing their clothes · yawning before putting an arm around them while watching a movie · grant them the last bite.
WITH FEELINGS INVOLVED (for a serious crush / lover)
holding hands · buying flowers · cooking · cuddles · writing a poem / song · holding door open · tying shoe laces · sharing a milkshake with two straws · offering their jacket when it's cold · kissing in the rain · publicly confessing love.
long walks at the beach · doing the titanic pose on a boat · kissing the back of their hand · slow dancing · introducing them to their parents · lighting candles · flower petals on bed · love letters · stargazing · brushing / doing their hair · picnics · teaching them to play an instrument while gently guiding their hands · compliments.
drawing them (<-does sculpting count...?) · self-made gifts · massages · proposing with a family heirloom ring · lending them their favorite book to read · paying for dinner / coffee · surprise birthday parties · feeding them · handing them keys to their apartment · making space in drawer for their clothes when they stay over · sharing a blanket · couple costumes (<-matching clothes).
tucking a hair strand behind their ear · keeping them from leaving · moving cities to be together · blowing a kiss (<-ironically) · breakfast in bed · defending them in a fight · joint bubble baths · dropping the l-bomb / "i love you" · dedicating a song to them · wearing their clothes · yawning before putting an arm around them while watching a movie · grant them the last bite.
TAGGED BY: @cinderlynx THANK YOUUUUU QUINNIE! 😙😙😙 TAGGING: @diuvus (Misa), @dhabibi (Aven), @lunaetis (Eden), @pocketmedicine & everyone else who wants to do this!
#◜✧ . ❪ muse. tobias. ❫#◜✧ . ❪ tobias ; meta. ❫#Icb I ACTUALLY have to do these kinds of memes /twice/ bc this MFER flirts w anyone remotely fun as easily as he breathes 😑#For the first half (w/o feelings) the bolded stuff is for fun. Then the italicized stuff is for work. It's /on top of/ the bolded stuff#As for the second half...... I see where the golden retriever allegations came from in that one dash game a few weeks ago! 😭😭😭#I was debating bolding or italicizing the keys to apartment / space in drawer bits bc he WOULD if he 1000% trusted the other person#but alas that is Not always the case for Crushes (staring in the distance wistfully) so unfortunately those 2 are incredibly case specific#Also doing this drove me up the walls bc WDYM this man is fine w kissing (& even sleeping w) random people he doesn't know the names of#but God Forbid they try to touch him gently or speak to him sweetly or whatever the hell (as in. doing so /srsly rather than /j)#Tobias when sb tries to be loving: Ew. That's disgusting. I need you to save the moment by grabbing this gun and shooting me with it Now.#In tears bc bro used to have an inkling/start of a crush a few years back but the other guy became clingier and Tobias immediately went 😐#NEVER fucking mind man. Ruined the moment. <-Stopped gaf ~2 seconds later#The realest way to clue yourself in abt whether Tobias is in love or not is by watching how much of all that ^ he allows and initiates#bc to him the 1st/2nd/3rd bases thing is completely messed up. If he lets you kiss him that's whatever he'd let half of the population#but if he lets you have a heartwarming moment w him (or INITIATES one) you better know he's doomed. it's jover for him. you're IT#Tried to show that a lil via the icons I used here too 😮���💨 a physical relationship is smth he'd have with nearly anyone#meanwhile you'd catch him dead in a ditch BEFORE you'd catch him doing smth Genuinely sweet (i.e a palm kiss) to sb other than his lover#Weird guy. He's so In Your Face when he flirts (regardless if w or w/o feelings) but if he dgaf abt you and you try to so much as hug him#he goes `Ooooookay. 🫥 (pushing them off) Get off me. Anyway as I was saying-`
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Hi ShuujiChan! I really love your arts (especially Satogou's), and I want to ask you three questions:
Did you really leave your DeviantArt account?
Every year you post Gou week drawings at the beginning of May, right? (I'm a new fan and I don't know anything yet). I wanted to know if there will be Gou week this year, I love Goh and your drawings of him make me feel like he's still traveling with Ash.
This last question is just out of curiosity. For you, what is the best pokemon drawing you've ever done?
Sorry if I wrote something wrong, it's because I'm Brazilian and my English is terrible! Thank you for reading! :)
Thank you for your kind words
This year too there was Gou week (an event created by Japanese fans that lasts from May 1st to May 5th)
This year I didn't participate because I stopped drawing. AI has destroyed my passion and now I don't want to waste any more time (And Deviant Art supports it way too much). I'm happy though that other people participated, I saw some very nice drawings. 💕
#ask sara#I miss satogou#I miss drawing#but I’m not having fun anymore#every time I try to pick up my ipad I cry and I feel like throwing up#fuck AI#you ruined everything#you ruined the only think I truly loved with all my passion#they idea that AI steals other people works without permission really makes me sick and stops me from making new art#my art was boring anyways so I decided to stop wasting my time#thank you anyways#satogou#pokemon#anipoke#Gou Week
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I constantly mention tricyclics and really old medications just because I had epilepsy when I was really young and took keppra for a prolonged period while my brain was developing and like fun fact, they still don't know a whole lot about what happens when you're on these medications long-term and you're really young, because the primary concern is stopping seizures and then everything else is kind of like a "in the search of a greater good" type of thing
So like I get really sick on anything that affects my serotonin levels, to the point where I just leave vomit profusely and am actually just extremely miserable and they were like "eh, could be the keppra thing" and recorded it for future reference but like now I take like primarily super old medications from before ssris were popularized
So if y'all ever think you might be the same possible brand of fucked up as me and ssris and snris make you really sick there's your little possible reasoning??? Idk but shout out to the shitty old antidepressants, they've literally saved my life.
#epilepsy#fun fact#i did some research studies and signed some medical authorizations when i was younger#like welp here you go heres data about people wirh grand mal seizures#and literally they were like thanks we'll never tell you if this data helped with anything or what we find out#much later they were like you may have just had seizures because your brain fires off gravely wtong when you get super anxious#and like kid's brains are weird#“dont take ssris and snris because they make you sick and this may have ruined your brain chemistry and also try not to get super anxious”#that was all i ever really heard from consenting to release my brain patterns and medical history for research 🤷♀️#idek how long the forms last for for sll i know some one at mayo is still occasionally scanning info about me like#“please stop getting concussed the brain injuries are corrupting the data”
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Been trying to working on my trust issues thru writing and here's the problem: I think everything I say makes sense how does everyone else not think this way
#lindsay speaks#// vent ish#like yk usually therapist say it's coming from an irrational fear but i don't feel like I'm being irrational i think I'm very logical#like i mentioned recently i don't believe in absolutes especially in relationships and the counselor I was talking to was baffled ghhghfh#''not even your family?'' girl especially??? what are we talking about#and then it was how do you know if you don't try / every person is different every relationship is and it's like yeah#but someone always leaves first there's no other end to this story yadayada so then it's it's normal for relationships to only last a seaso#like ok so you agree there are no absolutes and shes like wait no. ok so what gives. there's no such thing as unconditional love#there's always conditions. there's always exceptions. there's always an end. and the majority of the time it's a bloody one.#so really why treat anything seriously.... it will never last soooo... i give up#literally everytime i have said ''yk what... I'm going to trust them. if they say nothing's wrong then nothing's wrong. if I'm loving them#wrong they will let me know. if they hate me they will tell me. stop worrying stop worrying!!'' and then it's always [#[psychological manipulation] [psychological manipulation] [psychological manipulation]#and I'm left feeling like what the fuck is reality what is going on and they're like ''yk you're just not fun anymore'' and throw me away#meanwhile I'm still laying there in the garbage bin confused as fuck !!!!!!!! what the hell !!!!!! I'm not fun anymore because I'm hurt??#and confused???#so no. absolutes do not exist. and people will leave you for reasons such as ''too emotional'' or ''no fun anymore''#and I've accepted that. i guess it's trying to unaccept it that i struggle with.#because logically. it just makes sense.#and it's ruining my life that i can't trust anyone#and I'm right about it.#and if it's not a universal truth then... it's just me. and I'm cursed#my b lemme stop being so not fun then.
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Hey parents don't purposely try to mess up ur kid when they're playing a game (project sekai for me) or doing smth bc it might not seem important to u but it's most definitely important to them at the moment.
#I was playing pjsk and my dad starting fucking attacking my sides and poking me until I had to set my phone done and physically make him sto#I know to him it's just all fun and games but he's gotta stop this I'm mad for hours after and ruins a good portion of my day#Like dude I was just trying to fc a song what ur deal man#And why are u touching me? I hate when people touch me unprompted#Leaves me feeling wrong for hours after#It's not even about messing me up#It's about the blatant disrespect#Bc I've told him before to not pull this kinda crap#And he still does#project sekai
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Me when i dream of lil Mika but it's another nightmare
#and this one was so stressful bc like#i dreamt he was indeed my s/o but he was so controlling#like i was so stressed out felt like a trapped deer trying to gather a support circle so i can get away from him and he just kept ruining it#all for me. fucker learnt my native lang just so he could monitor my conversation with my family🤕#at one point he made me agree to marry him and dream me did just bc she was absolutely terrified of him????#girl just beat his ass ?????????#but like jokes aside i'm still in that ''just woke up from a nightmare'' mood so i still feel the adrenaline so i still get#why he was so scary like. i didn't know he knew my lang until he threatened me and told me i'm not allowed to speak to#my family anymore (bc i tried to get my dad to help me) and he was very. pushy with se.xual stuff#which like here's a fun fact but i'm a hypochondriac and i find it very hard to bond with people so i just kinda#accepted that i'm waiting for marriage (which is easier to explain than ''i need to REALLY trust you'' and agreeing to marriage is on that#level anyway) so when i TRIED to get him to stop by telling him i don't want to before i have a ring it did fuck-all to stop a guy#who was just like ''well we ARE getting married so what's the problem''😔😔😔😔#i woke up before he did anything tho which i'm thankful for bc every time i dream of being sa'd it feels like it reopens old woundd#and it takes me a while to actually calm down from it#i will say tho. it's a vibe to dream of thingd you consider hot in concept but terrifying irl (controlling/abusive men <3)#bc like you know in-dream it FEELS like it's real life i really didn't care that it was Mika and he's not real it was reality for me#and so it was terrifying i was crying every time i'd get a hope of getting away from him he'd ruin it for me very swiftly etc etc#like i'm still stressed out. but. the concept? like now that i know i'm safe and none of that was real? i just think o-kayyyyyyyyy#lmfjsjsnmemdksks i'm hopeless. but not really! confirmation i'm actually normal just like certain things from the safety of fantasy
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If you ever get the urge to make a game or a mod of a game: DON’T
#listen you can do what you want I cannot physically stop you#but my god: this is painful to a unbelievable degree#I should be polishing my resume and sending out to people#but nooooooo I have to spend hours trying to read hex code of Japanese game data to try and decipher where the hell the skills are kept#and when I find where the skills are kept I’ve gotta be able to decode what the skills are doing and how they do it#and then I got to create new skills that do things even though adding new data can completely ruin the current data#just because my little goblin brain went ‘hey ya know what would be cool?’#and I’m dumb enough to think it would be cool#it’s not fun it’s not even fulfilling I just run into wall after wall after wall#like should I be contacting people who have done this before and ask for advice? yes#Will I? no#and therein lies my problem#thinking I am good enough at any of this to actually make something#god I really need a job#or at the very least a project that is actually completable and within my skill scope
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