#and this one was so stressful bc like
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Me when i dream of lil Mika but it's another nightmare
#and this one was so stressful bc like#i dreamt he was indeed my s/o but he was so controlling#like i was so stressed out felt like a trapped deer trying to gather a support circle so i can get away from him and he just kept ruining it#all for me. fucker learnt my native lang just so he could monitor my conversation with my family🤕#at one point he made me agree to marry him and dream me did just bc she was absolutely terrified of him????#girl just beat his ass ?????????#but like jokes aside i'm still in that ''just woke up from a nightmare'' mood so i still feel the adrenaline so i still get#why he was so scary like. i didn't know he knew my lang until he threatened me and told me i'm not allowed to speak to#my family anymore (bc i tried to get my dad to help me) and he was very. pushy with se.xual stuff#which like here's a fun fact but i'm a hypochondriac and i find it very hard to bond with people so i just kinda#accepted that i'm waiting for marriage (which is easier to explain than ''i need to REALLY trust you'' and agreeing to marriage is on that#level anyway) so when i TRIED to get him to stop by telling him i don't want to before i have a ring it did fuck-all to stop a guy#who was just like ''well we ARE getting married so what's the problem''😔😔😔😔#i woke up before he did anything tho which i'm thankful for bc every time i dream of being sa'd it feels like it reopens old woundd#and it takes me a while to actually calm down from it#i will say tho. it's a vibe to dream of thingd you consider hot in concept but terrifying irl (controlling/abusive men <3)#bc like you know in-dream it FEELS like it's real life i really didn't care that it was Mika and he's not real it was reality for me#and so it was terrifying i was crying every time i'd get a hope of getting away from him he'd ruin it for me very swiftly etc etc#like i'm still stressed out. but. the concept? like now that i know i'm safe and none of that was real? i just think o-kayyyyyyyyy#lmfjsjsnmemdksks i'm hopeless. but not really! confirmation i'm actually normal just like certain things from the safety of fantasy
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have doodle lol
functionally, i am alive, emotionally?? idk about that work has me crying almost everyday now chat idk if i can do this anymore
#sonadow#? i guess#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sth#sth fanart#sonic the hedghog fanart#my art#sketch#sonic to shadow after shadow generations#but dw guys i’m doing fine#work it just so fucking stressful we’re getting scheduled understaffed and ofc no one wants to come in so we get call outs every day#30 min wait times to make a caramel macchiato?? yes ma’am ITS BC I’M THE ONLY ONE ON BAR RN#like dawg idk if you can tell but we’re in the middle of a giant shopping center ofc we’re gonna be busy#just expect you’re drink to take awhile to make#ESPECIALLY if the line is A BLOCK OUT THE DOOR#DUDE OFC WE’RE BEHIND HAVE YOU NOTICED WE HAVE ONLY THREE (3) PEOPLE WORKING RN???#WE SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST 6#anyway probably gonna have to start going back to therapy#i’ll be fine lmao but damn this holiday season is fucking traumatizing
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always good to keep a screamhole handy
#danny phantom#danny fenton#college au#ember mclain#this one was a struggle to finish tbh#but the thinking around it is how ghosts handle stress#like#hmm#bc of the way they operate ghosts don’t have human emotional regulation#there is no shoving feelings down#they gotta go OUT#ghost fights and having fun in the ghost zone is usually enough#but in times of big stress sometimes he’s just gotta scream/wail it out#easier to just destress the ghost way yanno#less work#quicker recovery#also in this#displays of power aren’t inherently aggressive but they do affect how much respect you get#he’s just screaming into a mostly uninhabited void#but he’s the ghost king and he wasn’t really thinking#so just like#ghost nukes tf out of this little area#no harm no foul tho
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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olympics coming up…… athlete aus on the mind….. satoru as a swimmer….. unreasonably large wingspan…. huge hands..... thinks “official” competitions and tournaments are boring because he can’t use the goofy purple googly eyes goggles he likes to practice in…… practices at ungodly hours solely because he likes when the pool is empty because that means you’ll dip your feet in at the edge and be there to greet him with a kiss when he’s finished his laps….. they bring up the stats board and it’s just his name ten times before the next fastest person and he could still lap them, and even tho he’ll always put so much pressure on himself to be the best, it’s worth it to have you hold his face and tell him you’re proud of him... he’s gotten so much merch from events and sponsorships and he used to think they just created clutter but that all changes when you start to wear his clothes (esp the ones with his name on it… he’s not proud to admit that does Something to him)…. always looks up to the stands when he finishes a race and if he knows you’re not there, he looks right at the camera, draws an infinity sign with his fingers, and blows a kiss (which, some commentators routinely call “unsportsmanlike conduct” but he doesn’t care, and always, publicly says he’ll pay the fees if it means blowing a kiss to his girl at home)
#satoru w/ wet hair coming out of the pool......... GOD .#he could be a professional swimmer and he still gets in the bathtub and is like babe look I'm a mermaid like yeah dude.. u might be#he's so k/atie l/edecky coded... they bring up the world stats and his name name 24 times before the next fastest time#like wdym you're faster than yourself 23 times before somebody else is next in line.........#he also gets brand sponsorships and is on set for photoshoots/campaigns and he's always like wait can I have one these for my gf#and the crew thinks its so sweet they give him 10 extra#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk fluff#jjk smut#gojo x reader#satoru gojo x reader#satoru smut#gojo satoru x reader#satoru x reader#hm.... nanami? idk where tho... maybe judo I think that's an olympic sport#salaryman to gold medalist lore goes crazy omg#he started bc he was stressed at work at some random gym and the coach there was like hold on... and now he's a gold medalist#yuuta does something kinda nerdy looking like the javelin but he's weirdly good at it LOLLLL#OR TENNIS!#megumi I HAVE to push my archery agenda#but like. toji/gojo definitely caught him throwing rocks or something as a kid and being emo#and they were like wait you've got good aim ... kinda scary#and now he's at the olympics... wild#whatever the case is yuuji didn't Actually want to play a sport#yuuji in track and field... honestly maybe even gymnastics... NO! I GOT IT! VOLLEYBALL!.... maybe...#but it turned out to be a way to make steady money to support his grandpa#and then it just.. spiraled into him getting scouted and then training and now he's a world champion :((((#💌#olympics au
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just one of those days man...
THIS IS SO LOW QUALITY HELP LOL
ignore that I can't draw very well rn I'm very focused on school so not much time to doodle
#wild kratts#littlecrittereli#WK Guardianship AU#wild kratts fanart#kratt brothers#wild kratts au#chris kratt#martin kratt#in reference to that once scene in lilo and stitch#Its so funny drawing Martin angry bc he is literally the most head empty guy ever#but no one knows how to push buttons like ur brother <3#context? uhhh no!#idk hes stressed about some evaluation with Chris' caseworker or something#and Chris is having one of his “I need to prove myself even if it means putting myself in danger” moments#and Martin is like dont DO that#POV ur little brother tries to go out and get you accused of child endangerment right before ur assessment with CPS
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was having trans marty thoughts again and i came to a realization about this scene

#back to the future#bttf#bttf fanart#marty mcfly#lorraine baines#lorraine mcfly#kit does an art#drew this one a while back and was hoping to save it until i compiled enough doodles in the same genre#but i like it better as a standalone picture bc it's funny so. here you go#poor marty he had so much going on in this scene alone#and if you think about him being trans it just adds another layer to that#1. just woke up from getting hit by a car#2. realized he wasn't dreaming and he definitely is in the past#3. that's his mom. in the past#4. his mom is HOT in the past. wasn't she born a nun or something this is wrong and terrible and he hates everything about this realization#5. where are his pants. why does he have no pants where are his pants. they're halfway across the room??? why are they over there#6. HIS MOM IS HITTING ON HIM???? his mom who is objectively hot in the past is hitting on him and he's in her bed with no pants on and ohhh#oh god. she took off his pants. to look at his underwear. and guys usually have something noticeably under the wear don't they. oh shit#7. SHE TOTALLY NOTICED. SHE'S GONNA ASK AND HE'S GONNA HAVE TO EXPLAIN THAT AND IT'S GOING TO BE SO AWKWARD AND BAD#8. there's no way someone in the 50s is gonna get it she's either going to think he's a girl (problem 6 is taken care of but replaced with#perhaps an equally uncomfortable experience) or like. they're going to stone him or something he doesn't know how they react to this stuff#in the 50s#luckily for marty the last 2 problems never happen but that still would've been a very stressful minute just thinking about it#she was so perplexed by the purple underwear ig she just didn't notice haha.#kit yap session#for the tags. as usual
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The other day, I saw a non-fandom text post along the lines of:
“What we had was so special you’ll look for me in every new person” (sorry I haven’t been able to find it again)
And I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.
Because to me this perfectly describes Durgetash + romancing your companions.
I can’t help thinking about amnesiac Durge missing something, always searching, but can’t remember what.
They find echoes of it in Gale’s intelligence, his enthusiasm and knowledge when he speaks about magic. And yet, it doesn’t fit entirely.
They find it in Lae’zel’s easy superiority, her ruthlessness and determination. And yet, it’s not quite enough.
They find it in Astarion’s deception and easy charm, the way he manipulates a situation to his advantage, the way he doesn’t need magic to have people literally bare their necks to him.
They find it in Shadowheart’s snark, her secrecy, her dark goddess. They find it in Karlach’s rage (though she burns hot instead of cold which is odd..), in the smell of sulphur and hellfire that clings to her. They especially find it in her mechanical heart, that makes them want to reach out, bury their hands in it, just to see if it feels as familiar as it seems. If maybe owning her heart will fill the hole in their memories, their chest even.
And yet, surprisingly, they find it in Wyll’s pact, Wyll’s past, but also Wyll’s manners and they way he dances, his stories, that make them feel closer to a city they don’t much care about otherwise.
They find it in the deep possessiveness, maybe even hatred, when Raphael first comes to camp.
And yet none of it is enough, none of it fits quite right, and while maybe eventually they manage to look past that familiar feeling and find new things to admire about their chosen partner…deep in their heart they know.
In the end, they’ll always look for something none of them can give them.
Not until they first encounter that handsome young man with an easy smile, and all the jagged broken edges click together like horrible little puzzle pieces.
#sorry this is a long one#Durgetash#enver gortash#the dark urge#mayhem was absolutely intrigued by Gale’s intellect bc he reminded him of Gort#I just#the thought of Durge looking for pieces of Enver in everyone he meets#it makes me think of stuff like ‘enver was the only one to ever fully accept durge’ and the way durge would look for that in a relationship#just imagine durge romancing one of the companions and it’s good and wonderful#but still they can’t help that deep down they’re missing something#‘I love you. but you’re not…him.’ kinda thing#why do I do this to myself none of them deserve this#gort would be so horribly pleased with himself and the hold he still has over durge (as if he isn’t just as lost)#I do like thinking about romance dynamics with durge bc I think it can be very hard to figure out when part of the relationship#consists of whatever Durgetash is doing#just some thoughts#i almost included Cazador’s horrible boots#btw I cannot stress enough how much I love durge and companion relationships#this isn’t meant to shit on them#but this makes me absolutely feral so I needed to share it SOMEWHERE#and also nothing is ever easy when it comes to Durgetash
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revstar tegakis
#my art#revue starlight#daiba nana#kagura hikari#aijou karen#the second one is old the first one is me begging Nana to help free me from art block right now#nothing like some funky colours a totally normally girl you love and a weird pose to help with that ngl dhfiuds#I also realized while drawing it that it went easier bc it was kinda random ??? I'm too excited about z*lda stuff I want to draw#like I stress myself out when it's not going well sfdiuhdfs#might take some time to draw some rly stupid things I have so many dumb sketches lying around anyway#Nana I love you but you did not need to demand that level of cleanness and time from me... it was fun tho
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one of ariane's many attempts at cheering elster up when her health started to decline
check out this this dub done by @voicequills also!!! (her voice acting skills r so good i will cherish this forever)
youtube
#signalis#lstr 512#elster signalis#ariane yeong#arielster#biruesque art#comic#doodle#iv been swamped with a buncha school stuff so i think i'll be making more comics like this one? idk#just small indulgences bc i need 2 cope with academic stress lol#Youtube
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congrats on getting your other blog back!
Thank you, Anon! I felt like a baby without a bottle but on the bright side, I got inspired so here ya go
#hetalia#hws germania#hws prussia#ger doesn't realize that all his art and sculptures look like dogs bc to him dogs are very anatomically specific so hes'#like wdym that is certainly not a dog#also hc that germania loves bling#its a boar bc his kids are his little piglets#also in my lore gil being one of the rare kids that cmes out undercooked#and crying for milk just so i can have ger extra stressed out trying to keep him alive
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Stan n' Nar
oh wow i finally finished it!!!11!!!1
first version's under the cut
#oh god i was stressing out so much that i'm gonna lose all my progress bc i had to resize the final one so it would fit on tumblr#but i truly impressed myself with this one!#plus found out how much fun it is to color/render#it made such a difference!#tsp#tspud#tsp fanart#fanart#tsp narrator#tsp fandom#tsp stanley#tspud art#stanarrator#stanley parable#stanley parable ultra deluxe#stannarrator#stanley x narrator#digital art#digital drawing#lazybird draws#SO FUCKING HAPPY WITH IT!!!#i rlly like the krita brushes lol#krita
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if anyone is able to help me out i'd appreciate it, im still broke as hell. this month has been really difficult for me. i worked a total of 5 days all month and my bank account is in the negatives again after paying bills and getting some living essentials. i dont know how im going to pay my rent like this. i applied to a financial relief fund from a local trans advocacy group but it's going to be a few weeks until anything comes from that. if you have literally anything to spare it would help me out a lot 😭���� i feel bad ive been asking for help so often and i know everyone is struggling, im working on getting my life back in order but everything fucking sucks and is difficult right now :( even just spreading this is a huge help
pp: paypal.me/bewearrr vnm: tobias_leviathan
thank you 💕💕
#im looking for a new job but i dont think its gonna happen any time soon :( my current job is fucking miserable#im working on comms to the best of my ability but i can only draw so fast and i dont want to injure myself and its hard to stay motivated#when ur mental health is tanking so hard#my physical health has been tanking too like stress is getting to me so hard i fucking started a period out of nowhere#i havent menstruated in like 10 years legitimately#im so beyond stressed i have to stop myself from panicking all the time#i have a bunch of work coming up this week but its nowhere near full time#they schedule based 'on performance' when youre part time and since im only here one day a week and they put me at the station i hate--#the most its almost inevitable that theyre using this as a way to get me to not be there. i dont think my boss likes me very much.#bc then they can claim my performance isnt good BECAUSE YOU PUT ME ON THE TASK THAT IVE SAID FROM DAY ONE I DONT WANT TO DO
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Ectoberhaunt Day 13
Isekai: Old Hero New World
#i have Thoughts about Harbinger!Danny#bro is Very interesting in Aether bc he wants to go home#he and aether would prob get along rly well tbh#this danny is kinda bitter bc he's been separated from his family. but he can be a silly goofy guy occasionally#he and childe are besties. i declare this now. both love their families and want to protect them#also- abyss and ghost zone?? hmmmmmmmm#abyssal energy is ectoplasm... maybe?#idk#oooh that would be neat bc then danny is like the exact opposite of aether/lumine (with their full/light power)#danny has a fake cryo vision. bro doesn't really need a delusion but he can have an anemo one. as a Treat#(he wants to be Free of this world)#danny just wants to go home but no he gets dropped into the middle of snezhnaya smh#ALSO. back to the point of the post lol-#danny HATES dottore. but also the guy kinda reminds him of his parents (who he rly misses). it's very trauma-bond-y.#danny phantom#dp#ectober#eh 24#day 13#ectoberhaunt24#ectoberhaunt 2024#ectoberhaunt#(its rly late i know but i'm not stressing this year✨️)#(dottore is also equally fascinated in danny.but no way in HECK is danny gonna let him experiment. so dottore has to be Subtle about it lol)#genshin impact#scaramouche#combining my fixations 👉👈 (always)
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okay unironically I love so much that porter is like this world SUCKS its BAD here and it HURTS you why do you care abt it!!! and literally every single bad kid is like ngl we just hate ur ass it does not matter what ur philosophy is
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#not art#fhjy spoilers#its!!! gods I will Be My Ass in the tags rn. but thats so like. deliciously setting typical#like porter's desire is to transcend and his contempt for the world he's in feels. idk Real#like he plays the game bc he wants to win and be done with it. how do I word this#yknow. being a god would like. be his win state. when he gets that happening thats it his story is done he checks out#meanwhile the bad kids do actually just like playing the game lmao. like they love adventuring!#theyre so solidly Of This World. they carry the values that can only be born of it and they like having mastery over it#its a meta angle that I think is very fun specifically for d20 being in such a unique position in the zeitgeist when it first started#the rat grinders are from DnD Writ Large. porter wants to escape. but this is the bad kids' home its Their Actual Play Show#which makes it so fucking excellent to me that porter's question is somewhat of merit! its their show and it tries very hard to punish them#and they just straight up dont listen to him here lmao bc they hate him but! since the moment the academic track ended its been clear#that they save the world bc they Like Playing. With Each Others#thats what riz thinks the core of adventuring is! thats why fig stayed! and I also think thats why this hovers over elmville now and#a dead god is coming back in the school gym. porter is a shit evangelist but even if hes a good one I dont think it wouldve worked like he#wants it to. the only way he couldve escaped is if he'd not involved elmville at all. thats where the bad kids met dude#its a shitty place that fucks with them but they all come back here bc they wanna play with each others#and in that regard I think thats what the stress tokens ultimately means. Is This Game Still Fun To Play. ITS A RAGEQUIT LIMIT#Im literally running from one end to another of this conspiracy board Ive pulled out of nowhere#Ill draw after this I just wanna get this out. gods this episode has done nothing but furthering my delusion of grandeur actually#Im the hottest smartest manthing on earth Im king fucking midas over here. anyways uh! great ep!
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something i promised on my kofi 6 months ago... 🫠
#sorry for people who has been asking for commission and finding me very unresponsive#literally i don't feel ready mentally ; i think the '6 months' is self-explanatory#frieren: beyond journey's end#fern#sousou no frieren#fanart#frieren at the funeral#actually it was 1.5 years ago; i was supposed to be drawing other character that time#but for 9 months i didn't manage to make myself sit down & finish it; so 6 months ago i re-asked if the person wanted other character#bcs i thought i need to re-start fresh & maybe the person's interest had changed#ko fi#when drawing for money sometimes u sit down & just stop 'working' entirely ; like ur will goes blue screen & refuse to do it#because it's / work / and u have to be more meticulous ; it gives u all the extra pressure#tho i like to have the money again.... but i'll start studying again soon; and i'll need to do my best on this one i think#drawing has always been a distraction on my study so maybe it is a good thing if my drawing drive dies down for a good while#tho not drawing at all also stress me out; finger crossed for good life balance#I CAN'T BELIEVE POPULAR TAG SHOWING THAT PEOPLE ALSO KNOW IT AS 'FRIEREN AT THE FUNERAL'. THAT SOUNDS WAY TOOOO DEPRESSINGGGG.....😭😭😭😭
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