#SELFLOVE

[recomvery]

One of the most dangerous things in the world is not being able to say no to people because you don't want to upset them or dissapoint them. This will completely ruin your life in every way possible, at work, in your private life, your sex life and your friendships. It's a way of removing your own consent in your own decisions and go against your wishes, it is always a crime against yourself. Let yourself have a say. Upsetting people is better than traumatizing yourself.

[inherpower]

My Mother Wound

I feared my biological mother. That sentence was something I had rejected for years though my body would always reveal the truth. No major memories surface of any harm. I was not abused. In fact many of my memories are sweet and endearing. But memories have a way of morphing to the sweeter moments over time, especially given the fact that she died when I was very young. I held my biological mother in high regard, as a goddess as most children do. Her sudden death at a time when I still needed her meant that my emotional processing of her stopped and I could not comprehend her as the woman and person that she was. I could only see her through the eyes of my seven year old self. To even consider that I felt scared of her felt blasphemous. So to have my nervous system tell me something that felt counter to what I desired to uphold felt like a bodily betrayal.

Mothers hold a high place in our hearts. We revere them, even when they hurt and harm us. Fortunately for me I was given a different upbringing. My MOM, mom, the woman who raised me, loved me, poured into me and held space for me never considered that her baby sister could be harsh to me. When my aunt moved away to a whole new state before the death of my bio mom I stood outside with such deep heavy sadness because my safe person was now gone. My mother recalls that moment and wasn’t sure why I looked so sad. I was too young and unable to articulate that I felt afraid. My mom had never seen anger from her sister, my bio mom, only deep abiding love. But just because she didn’t see it doesn’t mean it wasn’t real.

I was raised in the time right before the shift to gentle parenting. A time when spankings, verbal abuse and neglect were the norm. Why complain to anyone else about how your mother was treating you when the world would always take her side? Act out in public, you could be certain that a perfect stranger was standing near by and saying, either with their words or their eyes, You betta beat that child. A child was not considered to be a person with feelings, thoughts and emotions that should have any sort of consideration to the adults in their lives. Children were beaten into submission, whether physically, spiritually, emotionally or psychologically. As a child you were to be seen and not heard. That statement alone meant that no matter what you were going through you had to stuff down your feelings and never speak on them. Ever.

I have to admit that when I became a parent for the first time at the age of 19 I adopted many of these beliefs and projected them on to my daughter. I upheld the motto that my child would have a “healthy fear of me”. Why was that a statement that I was proud to assert? By the time my daughter had entered into elementary school any time she would share something with me that felt too tender for me to deal with or address for myself, my breathing would quicken and she could sense my whole demeanor change. I could see her begin to shrink herself and say “ok mom, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Don’t be mad”.

Each and every time she said that I couldn’t help but feel like some looming ogre who scared the hell out of her. I wanted my daughter to feel comfortable talking to me, to share what her inner world was like without fear of me snapping and loosing control of my anger. When I would snap I often felt confused because this was never what I experienced in the large part of my upbringing with my mom. But with my bio mom I knew that there was this underbelly of fear and anxiety that ran right alongside my love and adoration for her.

My daughter was six years old when I made the conscious decision to change my parenting style. I no longer gave spankings. I did my best to not raise my voice and made space for her to talk. I apologized when I slipped out of myself and got angry. I apologized for past behaviors that I knew had an impact on her. I continued to apologize (and still do to this day) when I am reminded of something that I did that may have caused harm. I check in with her. I have been making amends with my daughter because I did not want the same patterns to flow down to her. While I have been actively better as a parent I am now acknowledging that I need to parent myself differently. The same care, grace and patience that I give my daughters (now I have two) is the same that I need to give to my younger self.

I need to believe her when she reveals her anxiety. I need to listen and not judge or condemn when she opens up about her fear. I have been in therapy working on healing the trauma around my bio mother’s death but only scratched the surface when it comes to healing the overall relationship that I had with her when she was alive. Since so much time has passed and I have recreated my memories to fit a more loving and enjoyable early childhood, I often wonder if I’m making this frightening part up. I like hard core proof of something to know that it is real and that it happened. Call it a trauma response. But I have often felt the need to lean on forensic data while neglecting the very real data of the trauma that has been stored in my body for years. These feelings didn’t come out of nowhere, they had an origin.

And as we all know the body keeps the score.

[phoenix477]

The moment may never come, and that's ok

[zibethrose]

Don’t equate

challenges

with punishment.

Instead view it as an

opportunity for growth,

a time to rise, to level up,

and be transformed.

Clear the mind from

misgivings and doubts

to enable you to continue

your journey with

certainty,

knowing where you

need to be.  

Recognize that your

response

to life events

determine

your sense of

wellbeing in life.

Please like, comment, share, subscribe and follow us @www.BondedByThoughts.org and www.zibethrose.com

[thoughtstherapy]

Signs You Are Silently Working On Yourself | Youtube

[positiveseed]

INSTAGRAM | YOUTUBE

[caringforourselves]

trying your best does not mean putting an unbearable amount of strain on yourself.

[soultied-z]

i wish i knew how to love myself the way i love others

[recomvery]

It's ok to want money. It's ok to be upset that you're poor and wishing to be rich. I understand. People who say that money doesn't buy happiness have never eaten pasta every day because it's 50 cents at the grocery store or been short on money for christmas presents. Constantly scraping by makes people miserable and depressed and of course you're gonna dream about money, about being happy and priviledged. That's not greedy or horrible, that's life. It's ok.

[xoxomissfoxy]

selfcare, solitude, peace

[glowup-princess]

ʜᴏᴡ ᴛᴏ ɢᴇᴛ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜰᴇᴍɪɴɪɴᴇ ᴇɴᴇʀɢʏ

Embracing your feminine energy involves connecting with qualities such as intuition, creativity, empathy, and receptivity.

Engage in Creative Activities: Paint, dance, write, or craft are creative endeavors that foster self-expression and connect you to your creative essence.

Practice Self-Reflection: Dedicate time to introspection through journaling or meditation. This helps you stay grounded and in tune with your inner self.

Connect with Nature: Spend time outdoors, appreciating the beauty of the natural world. Walking in the park or sitting by a body of water can enhance your sense of peace and receptivity. citeturn0search3

Embrace Stillness and Rest: Allow yourself periods of rest and relaxation. Embracing stillness enables you to receive insights and rejuvenate your mind and body.

Cultivate Receptivity: Practice being open to receiving—whether it's help, compliments, or opportunities. This openness nurtures your feminine energy by balancing the act of giving and receiving.

Nurture Relationships: Invest time in building and maintaining meaningful connections. Engaging in deep, empathetic conversations fosters emotional intimacy and aligns with feminine qualities.

Honor Your Emotions: Acknowledge and embrace your feelings without judgment. Allowing yourself to experience a full range of emotions enhances emotional intelligence and authenticity.

Let them treat you like the princess you are <3

pt. 2??

Likes, comments, reblogs and follows are appreciated <3

[selfcaremyselfcare]

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

[simplestudentplanning]

100 Things To Do Instead Of Doom-Scrolling Through Social Media

Read a book.

Write in a journal.

Learn to cook a new recipe.

Practice a musical instrument.

Start a DIY project.

Draw or paint.

Learn a new language.

Do a puzzle.

Exercise or do yoga.

Listen to a podcast.

Watch a documentary.

Play a board game.

Try a new workout routine.

Meditate.

Start a garden.

Plan a future trip.

Volunteer online.

Write a letter to a friend or family member.

Learn to knit or crochet.

Take online courses.

Practice photography.

Organize your closet.

Play video games.

Learn a magic trick.

Write a short story.

Create a vision board.

Make a playlist of your favorite songs.

Try a new hairstyle.

Experiment with makeup.

Learn to juggle.

Play a card game.

Do a home workout challenge.

Explore virtual museums or art galleries.

Do a digital detox day.

Learn calligraphy.

Rearrange your furniture.

Create a scrapbook.

Learn to play chess.

Write and perform a song.

Practice mindfulness.

Learn origami.

Plan a themed dinner night.

Do a home spa day.

Learn to code.

Play a musical instrument.

Build a blanket fort.

Take online dance lessons.

Research and try a new type of tea.

Learn about astronomy and stargaze.

Try a new board game.

Create a podcast.

Learn to solve a Rubik's Cube.

Start a blog.

Make homemade candles.

Research your family tree.

Practice a new type of art (e.g., watercolor, sculpture).

Learn to speed-read.

Write a poem.

Make a list of personal goals.

Learn to play a new card game.

Create a budget.

Build a puzzle or Lego set.

Learn to identify constellations.

Try a new fitness class online.

Make homemade pizza.

Experiment with DIY face masks.

Learn about a historical event.

Create a bucket list.

Learn to tie different knots.

Try a new type of workout (e.g., Pilates, kickboxing).

Create digital art.

Plan a themed movie marathon.

Learn to juggle.

Explore a new genre of music.

Write a letter to your future self.

Take up a new hobby (e.g., birdwatching, geocaching).

Research and try a new type of cuisine.

Make homemade ice cream.

Practice deep breathing exercises.

Create a photo album.

Try a new type of dance.

Write and perform a short play.

Learn to play a new board game.

Take a virtual tour of a historical site.

Make a time capsule.

Learn about different types of architecture.

Plan a virtual game night with friends.

Write and illustrate a children's book.

Try a new form of exercise (e.g., HIIT, Zumba).

Learn about different types of plants.

Create a DIY home decor project.

Plan a themed picnic at home.

Research and try a new type of dessert.

Practice positive affirmations.

Try a new type of puzzle (e.g., crosswords, Sudoku).

Learn about different types of birds.

Experiment with DIY skincare products.

Take up a new form of art (e.g., pottery, glassblowing).

Create a list of things you're grateful for.

Learn about a new culture.

[thoughtstherapy]