#Routines my best friend and my worst enemy

[billowingangel]

It's amusing in a somewhat ironic sense, anytime my schedule changes it always really throws me off. Since school has ended I've just gone off the rails and on to a carousel. I've lost all my habits and I need to get them back but my brain is just like we can also do those habits when we had that schedule and now we don't like no I want to do the same habits now and shouldn't that be easier because I have more free time?!!

[biscuitdolly]

୨ৎ absolute necessities .ᐟ

if you're trying to glow up, get healthier, etc, these are the very basics that you absolutely NEED to follow!

01, WATER .ᐟ

Staying hydrated is crucial for your health and wellbeing. While the recommended daily intake is 8 cups of water, you can gradually increase your consumption over a few weeks if that seems too overwhelming. Drinking enough water provides numerous benefits, from clearing skin and flushing out waste, to boosting exercise performance and supporting weight loss. Despite being the very essence that sustains life, water is often underappreciated.

02, FOOD .ᐟ

I used to skip breakfast, thinking it would help me lose weight. However, studies show that those who eat breakfast tend to lose more weight and keep it off longer. The truth is, food is incredibly important. It's best to regulate your eating habits by consuming at least 3 meals per day, even if they're only small portions. Some food is better than no food. If you want to go on a diet, that's fine! but make sure you research healthy dieting methods. At a minimum, eat one serving of fruits and vegetables daily, and try to increase that to five servings per day if possible. Proper nutrition is key for your overall health.

03, HOBBIES .ᐟ

i have this previous post regarding hobbies you could try! It's so important to find fun activities that you genuinely enjoy and look forward to doing. Hobbies add fun to your life and pose as a nice break from technology and the stress of work and school. They also greatly improve symptoms of depression and anxiety. You could do some physical activity, such as a sport you like, or something more calm and creative, like painting or writing.

04, SLEEP .ᐟ

a lot of people struggle to fall asleep at a decent time. Try getting ready for bed early. Personally, I tend to take off my make up and do my skincare immediately after i come home for school/work so i don't have to worry about it before bed.

Technology is probably your sleeping schedule's worst enemy, as the blue light from the screen keeps your brain awake, so try to pause screen-related activities at least an hour before bed. Also, try not to snack 2 - 4 hours before you go to sleep. This is because lying down makes it harder for your body to digest food, which can result in sleeplessness.

Forcing yourself to go to bed super early isn't helpful either. Like I've mentioned in my other points, take things slow and gradual!

05, SOCIALIZATION .ᐟ

Engaging in simple social interactions, such as conversing with family, seeing friends, or greeting people on the street, is incredibly important. Isolating yourself in your room all day accomplishes nothing.

There was a time when I dreaded spending time with friends, convinced I lacked the energy or mood. However, once I forced myself to make plans, I realized how much I genuinely enjoyed their company. Other people are what make life truly worthwhile. So why not reach out to a friend right now and invite them to hang out tomorrow?

06, ACTIVITY .ᐟ

you don't need an exercise routine if you don't want one, but simple physical activity is still a daily necessity! At least 30 minutes is recommended. Personally, i most enjoy plugging in my headphones and going on a walk around my neighbourhood for an hour or two.

07, SELF TALK .ᐟ

Arguably one of my most important points, quit the self-deprecating talk. You never realize how much it affects you until you quit it. Yes, you can absolutely get that assessment done. Yes, you are a likable and amazing person. Just keep affirming and reminding yourself that you are worthy, and you will attract so many good things. Trust me, it will help you so much in the long run.

[katiascraft]

“am I too much for you? maybe I’m too much for everyone” | CL16

parings: Charles Leclerc x insecure!reader

summary: you feel insecure and you’re struggling but Charles makes sure you know how important you are to the world (specially his world).

now playing: “If I weren’t me” by Katherine Li

warnings: not English native speaker could there be errors. None proofread. Talk about sadness and destructive inner talk. Insecure reader. Readers pov’s.

words: +1,5k words.

a/n: heyyyy I am back!!! I disappeared for a year 💀 consistency it’s not my thing I guess. I’m finally finishing university this year!! So I guess I’ll have more time to write. Hope you like it! First on Charles. New obsession: F1 drivers. Get ready I got plenty more on my plans :p. Remember to like or reblog! And follow me so we can be friends :3

MASTERLIST

The piano tiles made the sound of the soundtrack of my sadness in this moment. My fingers touched them softly like they were fragile - like me.

Today was a nightmare from the start. Since I woke up I had a knot in my stomach that became bigger and bigger as the time passed through my routine. Sometimes itʼs really hard for me to do daily tasks such as cleaning or even eating. And it was harder if I need to go to events or meetings.

I have episodes of deep sadness Iʼve been treating on therapy. Sometimes I just canʼt control it. Today was one of those days where black and grey took over everything I felt and did. One way I found by being suggested by my therapist was writing down every thought of pain to find kind of a relief. Today itʼs really hard. Iʼm struggling really hard.

Iʼve been alone the whole day. Charles had to go to the Ferrari factory and do his driver tasks as usual. When I woke up he was gone. And maybe that contributed even more to my desperate and pathetic situation. Though I shouldnʼt talk about it like that and be more gentle with myself. It always felt to me negativity has always been my best friend and worst enemy at the same time.

Playing piano helped me so much. Write a song about my pain. Try to give a little light to all of this mess I find myself emerged in. Itʼs really hard for me to open up and seek help when I need it. Specially when it comes to Charles. I donʼt wanna be a burden to him. And I donʼt wanna stress him out with all of my dark side. I always try to brush it off when heʼs around. Most times I just pretend Iʼm happy and everything itʼs alright. As if I wasnʼt feeling too much for him. Or too less. Like Iʼm not worth of his love. Of his attention. Of his smiles. Of everything he did for me.

The fact that Charles asked me out had me shocked. Iʼve never felt like I could compete with all the models and influencers and singers and every really beautiful girl in this world. Iʼve never felt beautiful nor attractive. Yes Iʼm pretty good making jokes. And I talk too much. But Iʼve always felt I cringed people out. Dating people wasnʼt a thing I was really good at. Actually I sucked. And I think I still do. Always overthinking and second guessing every move. Every promise. Everything.

Charles was so sweet to me. He said “youʼre beautiful. Iʼm sure people tell you all the time. But you really areˮ. I couldnʼt help but get really nervous and blush. The most beautiful man Iʼve ever seen was talking to me and saying all of that. I blinked a couple of times. My smile huge. I just laughed softly trying to brush it off.

Since then we became a team. Inseparable. Charles became my best friend. My rock. I donʼt know what I ever did to deserve his love. The way he loved me was so gentle. So caring and loving. At first was hard because his love language was physical touch and that was something I wasnʼt used to. But little by little I got used to and felt amazing. Iʼve never felt so comfortable with anyone but him.

I hate my body. I feel ashamed of my personality. Most times I feel so dumb. So stupid.

I didnʼt realized I was already crying when I felt my tears dropping in my hands on the piano. I didnʼt realized I kept playing in auto-mode. When I was conscious again I started crying badly. I started shaking. I felt so bad. So guilty for even feeling this way. I didnʼt realized Charles have arrived home when I felt his deep voice from behind.

“Baby... whatʼs wrong? Youʼve been crying for a whileˮ I heard his voice and that sent shivers down my spine. I try to hold it together because I feel so embarrassed heʼs seeing me like this.

He sat next to me and hugged me. I hid my face on his neck feeling contempt. Thing is I started crying worse. I couldnʼt control it once it took on me.

“Itʼs okay baby. Itʼs okay.ˮ He whispered on my head while he stroke my hair and my arm pulling me closer. I thanked him mentally for this. I never thought I needed it so much.

Took a while until I calmed myself in his body. I part from him slowly and whipped my face with my hands. After I did he did the same. He whipped my tears so gently. He did the same looking me with bright eyes. Worry was all over his face. I licked my lips. “Iʼm sorry.ˮ I said quietly almost a whisper.

He denided with his head taking my head into his hands and stroked it softly.

“donʼt be sorry baby. Iʼm worried. Whatʼs wrong? Iʼm sorry I wasnʼt home to be with you. Why didnʼt you called me?ˮ I could feel the worry in his voice deep and cracking.

“I didnʼt want to bother to be honest. Itʼs one of those days. A really hard dayˮ my tears wanted to go out again but I holded them.

I saw his eyes turned into a sad look. He leaned on me and kissed my cheek to hugged me strongly in his arms afterwards. I buried my head in his shoulder. His smell calmed me down. I holded him pretty close to me. Strongly as him. I didnʼt want to let go.

“do you wanna talk about what you are feeling love?ˮ He whispered softly. I swallowed hard and pulled away from his so I could look into his beautiful eyes. I loved his eyes. So bright so blue sometimes. To me they felt like staring at the ocean. I stroked his face gently. He grabbed my legs on the little couch in front of the piano it our living room.

“This is one of those days where I donʼt feel enough or maybe too much to handle... all of this darkness in me that sometimes I just canʼt control it. You deserve someone confident and happy just like youˮ I told him softly and honestly. And it felt good to take it out of me for finally. I wanted to cry again but I was making my best efforts to keep it together.

“Cher... you are more than enough for me. You are the most beautiful soul Iʼve ever met. The most beautiful woman Iʼve ever seen. You are the sweetest most caring and fun person. Always there for people. You have the brightest personality. Every time you enter a room you shine. Everyone smiles. To me youʼre happiness though I know that isnʼt the whole you. Youʼre human baby. You are allowed to feel. And to not be okay. And to be okay too. You are not a burden for me. Youʼre my best friend. Mon amour. My future wife. The one whoʼs always there for me. My shoulder to cry on. The one with the greatest jokes. The life of every party I assist. You give a meaning to my life. A reason to live. You are a great daughter. The best friend someone could ask for. The greatest sister. You are a light for every single person that knows you y/n. Donʼt ever feel that you are too much to handle. And I really wanna go and kill the people who made you ever feel you were, I sware. You are amazing baby.ˮ While he was talking you couldnʼt hold it together. You just started crying. He let you do it while he whipped your tears lovingly. He seeing you like this broke his heart. You didnʼt deserve to feel like this. And he wished he could take away all of your pain. That you could see yourself the way he sees you. And feel how happy and enamoured you made him feel. “You can talk to me every time you need itˮ he continued. “you can trust me and we can figure it out together. You donʼt have to go through it alone. Okay? I love you with everything I am y/n. If I could I would take all of this pain away and just make you feel how I feel about you. I promise to me youʼre even better than Carlosˮ he said lastly jokingly making me laugh through my crying.

Now he had a huge smile on his face knowing he could make you feel better. I gave him a peck on his lips as a thank you and as an I love you.

“I donʼt know what I would do without you Charles...ˮ I said sincerely and full of love in between the lines. He gave another kiss back but now it was deeper in feelings. We kissed for a while and it felt that as the kiss continued my pain was going away feeling better every second. After the kissed I hugged him tightly. He gave kisses to my neck making me giggle a little. “I love you Charlie. Youʼre my angelˮ I whispered on his shoulder and he tightened the hug in response.

“And you are mine chérie“ he said burying his face on my shoulder.

——————————————————————————————

Charlie won COTA 🥹.

Hope you liked it 💌 if you have ideas my inbox is open for requests!

[sakur4ii]

Echoes Of Tomorrow

JEAN GREY x SCOTT SUMMERS x READER

reader's gender unspecified

Note: it took me 5 hours to write this and I think it sucks, but if you like it let me know. (English is not my first language and I am sure I narrated badly).

And by the way I didn't know whether to make it inspired by the movies or X-Men '97 so I made it up.

You were taken in by Charles Xavier when you were 14 years old, becoming a part of the school and the X-Men shortly after. You became best friends with Jean Grey and Scott Summers, the three of you were inseparable, and maybe you were a little bit in love with them.

Your power is the ability to control people with your voice, a dangerous power, but the professor taught you to control it at will for good.

You also learned hand-to-hand combat and how to use weapons, though Charles was hesitant about that last part, he understood that you couldn't rely solely on your voice.

One day, on a mission, you made a mistake that nearly cost your teammates and some civilians their lives. Your friends assured you it was okay, that it was a slip anyone could make, but you couldn't stop replaying the scene in your head, going over everything you could have done better.

You had used your power to stop some soldiers, but your mind was on your friends, so the order you gave was directed at your team, giving the enemies an advantage.

You felt guilty seeing Scott injured in the infirmary and Ororo with her arm in a cast, all because of you.

As much as your friends reminded you it was okay, you only self-destructed, making the hasty decision that everyone was safer without you.

At least until you learned to control your power perfectly.

You packed your bags and disappeared without a trace. You only left an apology note.

Jean was the first to notice something was wrong; she always felt a kind of connection with you, she could feel your presence without trying, always knowing where you were without using telepathy. But suddenly, in the middle of the night, your presence vanished.

The second person to notice was Charles. He knows who comes and goes from the mansion, he can feel everyone's presence, hear them. But you—he stopped hearing and feeling you in an instant.

The third person to notice was Scott, not because of his powers, of course, but because of the note on his nightstand. Although you didn't say goodbye, the overabundance of apologies raised alarms.

Jean and Scott ran to your room, meeting each other on the way, looking at each other in horror, assuming the worst. This set off a chain reaction, worrying those who saw them running through the halls.

Once they arrived at your room, Charles, Hank, and Ororo were close behind. The room was empty, the closet had only hangers with no sign of clothes, the framed photos were nowhere to be seen, and as they feared, you weren't in the room.

Days went by searching for you, but they never found you; Charles couldn't even locate you using Cerebro.

Each reaction was different.

Jean had succumbed to sadness, feeling like a bad friend. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed sooner, to prevent you from running away, from abandoning her.

Charles was infinitely worried; it was his duty to protect you, and now he couldn't even locate you. He feared the dangers awaiting you out there.

Ororo held on to hope that you would return someday; she knew you well enough to know that you didn’t say goodbye because you would come back, but there were nights when she doubted. What if you didn’t return? She should have insisted more that it wasn’t your fault about her arm; she should have been a better friend.

Hank started a routine where every day he dedicated hours, which gradually decreased, to looking for you, trying to locate you the old-fashioned way. Although the hours of searching diminished, he never stopped looking.

Scott was angry, his rage growing to the point of hating you, blaming you, but not for the mission, but for abandoning him. He couldn't believe you didn't even have the courage to face him, to say goodbye, TO SAY GOODBYE, to something that would have given him the chance to stop you. Every time he saw the photo he had with you and Jean on his nightstand, he felt like burning it. He thought it was the three of you against the world, and you abandoned them.

------------------------------------------------------

A year passed since your disappearance. Nightcrawler had joined the team. There was no trace of you. Scott still hated you. Hank stopped searching. Ororo still held on to hope. Jean stopped mourning you but felt an emptiness in her chest. Charles still tried to locate you at least once a week.

Nightcrawler quickly discovered that you were a delicate topic, and the only people who spoke about you happily were Charles, Ororo, and Hank. It was better not to bring up the subject with Jean and Scott. And the rest weren’t close enough to you to talk about it.

A well-kept secret that Scott and Jean had was that they had fallen in love with you; they were going to tell you before you left, and now it was a mutual regret, a burden they shared only between them. Sometimes, if the day was too much for them, they would lock themselves in one of their rooms and whisper past regrets that still haunted them.

___________________________________________

Two years since your disappearance.

What had started as a casual mission ended as a kind of new war between humans and mutants.

The X-Men are in Hank's lab, reviewing the information they have so far.

Suddenly, a portal opens in front of the group, causing everyone to adopt a fighting stance, expecting a possible threat.

The white portal's glow doesn’t allow them to see anything on the other side. Suddenly, a gloved hand, with the fingers exposed, appears, causing everyone to tense up.

The hand seems to check if the portal is working by the way it moves, and then it disappears. But everyone jumps when a person suddenly steps through the portal.

As soon as the stranger enters, the portal disappears.

Everyone seems about to jump in to start a fight, but the person raises their hands in surrender, confusing them all.

“Y/N?” Xavier asks incredulously, earning a chorus of surprised gasps.

“Hello” you say with a huge smile.

It’s almost impossible to recognize you; you’re tall, with a developed body, you can’t be a teenager, you must be in your early twenties. But you had left when you were only 14 years old. What did this mean?

As you explained that you came from the future to prevent them from making the same mistakes that caused severe consequences later on, Jean and Scott’s minds were racing, never taking their eyes off you.

On the other hand, Ororo felt proud of never losing hope; she noticed that you were wearing what must be your hero costume with the X-Men emblem on one side, meaning that you would indeed return sooner or later.

Well, after ending the war, making sure not to make any mistakes or leave any loose ends, you all returned to the mansion.

During all this time since you arrived in the past, those who would be your life partners in the future were tense around you, something that did not go unnoticed by you.

The professor had confessed that it reassured him to know that you were okay and that you would return to the family. He also congratulated you for mastering your gift, your power completely. And he suggested you talk to Jean and Scott while Hank tried to create the machine that would take you back to your timeline (with instructions that future Hank asked you to give him).

So here you were, in Summers' room. You wanted to talk to him first because you know very well that he is angry with you; he was when, in your timeline, you returned to the mansion, and if his scowl every time he looked at you was any indication, you could say he is angry now.

You look at the photo on the nightstand while your leg bounces nervously. You don't regret leaving the mansion temporarily, but you do regret not letting them know or staying in contact.

Scott arrived at his room, and upon seeing you sitting on his bed, he frowned, letting out a huff. It almost made you smile with amusement; you didn't remember your guy already openly showing his teenage anger through huffs.

The younger Scott noticed your hint of a smile, crossing his arms and leaning against the door, deepening his frown.

"What’s so funny?"

This time, you didn't hide it, widening your smile and looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing."

"You're not even hiding it; what's so funny, L/N?"

At the mention of your last name, your amused smile faded to one of embarrassment and nostalgia.

"You really were mad about my absence."

Scott shrugged and looked away, avoiding your gaze while still frowning. An uncomfortable silence settled in the room; as he avoided your gaze, you absorbed every tiny movement he made, trying to catch something that wasn’t anger or discomfort.

The silence dragged on too long, so you decided to get it over with.

"I'm sorry, Summers."

Scott was surprised to hear your voice; he had been so focused on physically showing his anger and avoiding letting you see how nervous and embarrassed he was by your presence that he had forgotten you were still with him for a second.

He looked back at you and encouraged you to continue talking.

"I'm sorry I didn't give you the chance to say goodbye or stop me, and I'm sorry I couldn't face you, for making you suffer with my disappearance for so long." You stood up slowly. "I know it wasn’t fair, and that you have every right to be mad at me for not even contacting you in these years and in the ones to come. But I hope that if you can't accept my apology now, you’ll be able to accept it when my present self returns with you."

You placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, giving him a twisted smile full of regret.

Scott looked you in the eyes through his glasses, uncrossed his arms, and sighed, relaxing his shoulders.

“It seems like you've apologized before. How many times did I ask you to say sorry?” he asked playfully, earning a laugh from you.

“Several times, to be honest. It’s usually your go-to move,” you replied with a teasing look, and your heart warmed at the sound of his laughter.

“Can I hug you?”

Without saying a word, you opened your arms, and he wasted no time rushing into them, squeezing you tightly while you rubbed his back.

“The day you return, I won’t stop hugging you.”

You laughed joyfully at his words.

“Believe me, mini Scott, I know that very well.”

An hour later, you were walking down the halls on your way to Jean Grey’s room. You had left Cyclops in his room after a long session of hugs and the release of emotions bottled up during the first two years of your absence. You didn’t want to tell him that two more years still remained, so you left before he could start asking questions you couldn’t answer.

When you reached her room, you knocked on the door. After a few seconds, it opened, and mini Jean was sitting at the head of her bed, hugging a pillow.

You walked in silently, closing the door behind you.

If there was one thing you learned over time, it was that Jean had taken your departure much harder. She blamed herself, even thinking that maybe she should have left instead of you. You knew there was a point when she was so distraught that she wouldn’t leave her room, letting only Scott in, who wasn’t going to let her drown in her sadness alone.

In the future, Jean wouldn’t want to let you out of her sight once you returned. She didn’t want you to leave her again and would make sure of it. Scott and you would have to help her learn to live without you, and you would have to assure her that you would never leave her again.

“It wasn’t your fault,” you whispered, catching her attention.

“But—”

“It wasn’t, Jean.”

The words she was about to say died on her lips. She looked at you with eyes filled with tears, ready to spill.

You moved closer and embraced her. Unable to hold back her tears any longer, she returned the hug tightly, crying on your shoulder.

You stayed like that for a while until Jean suddenly pulled away with a gasp of surprise, startling you.

“What? What happened?” you asked with concern.

She just stared at you with wide eyes.

It was then that you realized you had stopped blocking out any telepathic minds. She had relaxed and accidentally read your mind.

“What did you see?”

Jean didn’t respond, but the blush on her cheeks gave her away.

You looked at her amused.

“I guess a little spoiler doesn’t hurt anyone,” you said, laughing with amusement, while Jean just covered her face, trying to hide her embarrassment.

-------------------------------------------------------

A few hours later, Hank had already built the machine.

You said your goodbyes to everyone, told Nightcrawler that you would soon be best friends, and returned to your own time.

It seemed to be very late at night, and you were relieved to see that the mansion was still standing.

You went to your shared room where your partners were sleeping in the shared bed.You took a bath and put on your pajamas.

As always, there was a space in the middle of the two lovebirds reserved for you, so you carefully slipped into bed without waking them.

Once in the cozy bed, you sighed in relief. You were exhausted, not having stopped to rest since you traveled to the past.

“You’re back.”

A soft voice was heard on your left as slender arms wrapped around your waist.

“I’m back.”

Jean rested her head in the crook of your neck, hugging you tightly.

"I missed you.”

You started stroking her hair, a gentle smile adorning your face.

“I missed you too, dear.”

Suddenly, strong arms encircled both you and Jean, followed by a kiss on your head.

“Your apologies were acceptable.”

You chuckled softly at Scott’s joke, and you snuggled between the two loves of your life, ready to sleep, not without first wishing them sweet dreams and giving them a couple of kisses.

The professor was right to send you to the past to fix old mistakes.

[imaginesheaven]

Reader x TF 141 x Alex – Being Alex’s twin headcanons

Disclaimer: Doesn’t quite follow the story of the campaign missions of MW and MWII.

Warnings: Curse words? I have no idea *haha*

 Being twins with Alex is the best thing that ever happened to both of you. Since you can remember you always have each other’s back and that fact will never change. He is your best friend and you are his for the rest of your lives.

Alex being a smug and teasing you that you are actually five minutes younger than him. Referring to himself as your older brother. You roll your eyes at him grinning.

“You might be older, but I got the good looks and intelligence~”

Laswell would never admit it out loud, but is more than glad to have you both as a dream team on missions. If it gets complicated she can be sure that you two will sort it out discretely to her satisfaction.

Your reputation made round on the home base very quickly. Since you and Alex tend to work either alone or only the two of you together the other soldiers keep their respectfully distance. Mostly of them are just too scared to embarrass themselves in front of the two of you making small talk.  

“This is a dangerous mission. I will give you my two best soldiers. Of course, under the radar”, Laswell offers Price as she hands out mission files, “Get the twins!”

“No need to yell, Laswell. We can hear you very loud and clear”, you reply grinning as you make your way towards her and Price with Alex by your side. Both of you are already prepared with all you might need for the mission.

Captain Price heard a ton of good talk about the two of you. If he would want two soldiers by his side fighting it would be you and Alex. One day he will get you two on his team. “(Y/N), Alex. Nice to see you two still alive.”

Gaz can’t believe his eyes as you stand in front of him. Words spread like fire around the base so he knows a lot of stories about the Keller twins. He can feel the nervousness pooling in his body hoping he wouldn’t make a fool out of him.

“That’s Sergeant Kyle Garrick”, Price introduces you since the young soldier can’t a single word out. “Nice to meet you”, you reply grinning giving him a wink making his knees weak.

“Got your back, Kyle”, saving Gaz’s ass non-stop and making him blush every single time. Price enjoying what friendships grows between the two of you, but would never admit it. Just rolls his eyes, “Kids, stop playing.”

Being flirty with all the soldiers is a kind of hobby of yours. You just love how the toughest men and women get weak knees and stumble over their words in your presence.  

Your tactic for missions is mostly the same routine. Alex has your back from the distance with a good sniper rifle, while you stir up the hornets’ nest with your beloved shot gun.

During missions Alex and you love to roast each other with counting how many kills you get. “I just saved your sweet little ass out there”, you can almost hear the grin on Alex’ lips. “Easy to say, when you keep your shitty ass out of the fight. Come down into this chaos then we can talk”, you reply taking another enemy out.

“Hey, Alex. Got your eyes on me? Look at that”, giving him the stinky finger laughing. Alex shaking his head grinning looking at you through the scope, “Very mature.”

Sometimes the two of you argue which of you are actually the unplanned kid since your parents did definitely not sign up for double trouble twins like you are.

You would also tease him so hardcore because his crush on Farah. It doesn’t take your twin skills to sense that there is more going on between them than just friendship. You wouldn’t even need words just grinning at him wiggling your eyebrows seductively at the worst moments ever.

“So… You and Farah?” – “… Shut up, (Y/N).”

Being multitalented like you definitely have its perks since you love how everyone underestimates you at first.

“Shit, a bomb and only two minutes to disarm it”, Alex’ eyebrows furrow in light panic. Grinning you roll up your sleeves, “Fucking finally. Thought I could never use this skill.” Farah and Alex staring at you in disbelief as you defuse the bomb without even a single problem.

Since you and Alex don’t see each other sometimes for months you always have enough time to learn something new to bring him out of his coolness during moments like this one.

“You are such a show-off”, your brother rolls his eyes and lets out a big sigh. This earns you the full respect of Farah. She had no idea what an amazing soldier and fighter you are.

Captain Price keeps asking you every single time you have a mission together to join his new Task Force 141. You feel honored, but decline as always with, “I am not quite ready yet.”

Until the day Alex goes M.I.A.

“Either you tell (Y/N) what’s going on or I will”, the mention of your name peaks your interest as you follow the rather loud voices. “This is none of your business! The twins are under my commando and I will do what’s best for them”, Laswell has actually no idea what the best will be for you and Alex.

“What the hell is going on?”, since they are talking about you it is your right to bring yourself into this conversation. The well-known feeling of anxiety hangs onto your shoulders. Something feels very off.

“I’ll wait outside, kiddo”, Price’s heart breaks for you as he leaves you alone with Laswell. It is you right to know what happened to your twin brother, even if it might break your spirit.

“Alex is missing. We don’t even know if he’s still alive”, Laswell tells you with no ounce of sympathy. It’s like she wants to rip of the band-aid as fast as possible. You know if there would be a chance to search for him she would have send you out already. Sometimes you despise to work under the radar.

Without a word you end the conversation and leave the room behind. Price waits outside for you like promised, “Kiddo.” You really appreciate him being there for you, but right now you only want to be alone.

“I am here if you need something”, Price lets you know as you keep walking. “Never saw you in the father role but it suits you”, Laswell folds her arms in front of her chest. She never had the connection to her soldiers like Price does and Laswell knows exactly she just lost you and your skills to Price.

It takes weeks for you alone crying and trying to get back into being a soldier. You even took it onto yourself to tell your parents that Alex will probably be announced dead in a few months. It breaks your heart to see them devasted like you are, but it’s still better that they hear it from you instead from Laswell.

You hate yourself that it isn’t you who went missing. Alex was the better one of you in everything even if you always act confident. So, how should you go on with your life without him?

Fortunately, the Task Force 141 would never give you up. Since you work often together on missions they kind of turned into a second family next to your own family and Alex.

“What a nice surprise”, Price greets you smirking as you enter his office. “Captain, I’m ready to join the Task Force 141”, you can’t be on your own anymore. You need the team as your back-up to find peace once again.

“You are more than welcome, kiddo.”

Since you celebrated the holidays with your family and Alex when you weren’t on a mission, you couldn’t come back home alone. So, you just seduced the team to go with you. Let me tell you it’s chaos, but in the end good chaos.

Your parents are not happy about you bringing random soldiers home with you. They still mourn Alex like you do, but life goes on. The awkwardness shifts into pure bliss within a few days.

The whole team including you help out on the farm with your father. It’s what you and Alex did every time you get home. You all bring life back into their life.

Your mother loves to cook for all of you. The boys can’t help but enjoy to be cared for a few days.

And you can’t get over the fact that Gaz is actually scared of the goats. He wouldn’t even get near to feed them. “Have you an idea how brutal they can be?!”, Kyle tries to explain. The rest of the team just laughs about his behavior.

Soap knows how to drive a tractor, but dear lord! He is actually an awful driver and would destroy everything on his path. “Get off, Soap. This is madness!”

None of the men would admit but they are more than happy to get back home with you for the holidays again.

Of course, they can’t replace Alex, but they are also your family now.

[titlemewickedwonderland]

Love Your Enemy (Dewdrop Ghoul x Male!Ghoul!Reader)

Summary: No one hated Papa's little fire ghoul more then Y/n - a newly summoned ghoul that struggled to find his place in Papa's pack. No one understands why the two ghouls hate each other so much until it comes to light their past - perhaps an intervention is needed.

Fandom: The Ghost Band (Swedish Band)

Pairing: Dewdrop Ghoul x Male!Ghoul!Reader

Triggers: Cursing, slight violence, sexual tension/dirty talk, and well Dew...Dew's his own warning label.

Auth. Note: The portrayal of Ghouls and Papa is from a fandom base and imagination alone; the personas of the band do not have anything to do with the real people behind the masks. I am a fan of their music and respect their privacy so their stage persona is separate from the real-life individuals in my works.

Workshop!

The perks of being Papa's ghoul were the accommodations and respect one got. The ability to be part of something bigger, do things you love, and at the same time find a place within a pack to form an unbreakable bond with each other. It certainly bet Hell by a long shot. Still, every coin is double-sided, and even with the good, there was always that bad side - such as how Y/n was struggling to fit into his new pack. Being a newly summoned Ghoul for Papa Emeritus the 3rd he still had things to learn. Struggling with being topside was always the worst - it had been forever since he'd been summoned by someone besides selfish little teenagers. He didn't have the best rep when it came to being summoned so when he'd crawled from the summoning circle he feared he'd see another eager but terrified face girl at a slumber party or some shit. Instead, he had been greeted by a man wearing skull paint and funny-looking pope robes alongside a few figures clad in black attire and wearing silver masks.

Y/n was a ghoul - he could sense those of his own kind right off the bat and he didn't like it. Fuck it actually had terrified him more than the teenagers. He'd even asked if he'd been thrown into another circle of hell or some shit. But no, Y/n had been topside, and after his contract had been confirmed with 'Papa' he had been carefully whisked away by the other ghouls. He would have liked his stay better if he hadn't realized a little too late who all the ghouls were. Not that it was bad. Quintessence ghoul named Aether was the most welcoming and Y/n felt at ease immediately with him as soon as they were locked behind the walls of the ghoul's quarters. Then there was the multi-ghoul Swiss who's personality was a bit flirty but he gave off a best friend vibe that Y/n digged - he imagined they'd be hanging out a lot together. There was an Earth Ghoul named Mountain who barely spoke but had a calm and kind aura. A Water ghoul named Rain was soft-spoken and a bit shy. Despite being older than Y/n he gave off the vibe that Y/n would probably do almost anything for him. The Ghoulettes were away and he couldn't meet them just then but it was the Fire ghoul of the pack that made Y/n's hair raise on his arms and make his tail twitch uncontrollably. He knew that fucking stance and those eyes even behind the silver mask. He knew his scent before he'd ever fully registered who was standing in front of him. And Y/n knew he was fucked.

It took months for him to get comfortable with the new routine. His own traumas made it hard to connect with people but at least he had music and his pack mates that were patient with him. Except when it came to Dewdrop. The pair were at it every chance they got - their presence announcing each other through hisses and low rumbling growls. No one understood why they were on edge with each other. During practice on stage, Dew would make a show of crowding Y/n as if showing a sign of dominance but Y/n would only return the favor with a headbutt that to anyone else would have looked almost brotherly or affectionate but in fact, made Dew's head vibrate with the force through his mask like two goats locking horns. It got so bad that Rain often had to take Y/n away from the fire ghoul to calm down him while Swiss and Aether distracted the firecracker.

Today was of no difference as Y/n effortlessly ducked as a cup went soaring over his head to smash into glass shards on the kitchen floor. "Fuck you swing like a girl." Y/n snorted with a feral grin behind his mask as he placed the kitchen island between him and the pissed fire ghoul.

"Oh look I think I actually see flames coming out of your mouth there, Dewdrop! And here I was thinking you were just a imp." this caused Dew to snarl and launch himself across the island but before Y/n could meet him across to deck him an arm wrapped around his middle yanking him back just as another grabbed Dew's tail to jerk him backward.

"For fucks sake, it's only 7 in the morning! What's this about now?!" Aether's tired voice growled as he got a struggling Dew into a headlock.

"Fucker ate my last yogurt." Dew spat gripping with claws at his packmate's forearm.

"Yogurt?" Swiss snorted from behind Y/n as he idly rested his chin on top of the smaller ghoul's head. "You're fighting over a fucking tub of yogurt Dew? Really?"

Y/n smirked leaning back into his bandmate and stuck his tongue out at the other who only struggled against Aether's hold like a wet cat ready to claw someone's eyes out.

"Okay, that's enough! What the fuck is this all about?!" Aether boomed shoving Dew down to pin him like a thrashing bull. "You've been at this since the moment Y/n was summoned! It's been months!" he huffed just as Rain and Mountain came in seemingly woken up from the shouting and commotion from the kitchen.

"What's going on?" Rain asked blinking sleepily

"Y/n and Dew are at it again." Swiss huffed taking a playful chunk of Y/n's pointed ear like a nip of disapproval but the action was caught by Dew and the fire ghoul snarled.

"Fucking hell Aether get off!"

"Not until you tell us what the hell is going on! this is ridiculous, you're packmates now!"

"I don't claim that....thing." Dew sneered at Y/n and the latter flashed a cheeky smile in return

"Alright, that's it." Mountain rumbled in frustration as he walked over and grabbed Dew by his scruff as if he weight nothing and then hauled Y/n over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes before stalking out of the room with the others trailing behind curiously.

The large ghoul went down to the basement of the Ghoul's chambers were usually their equipment was kept when not in their rooms - a place where they usually just hung out watching movies and playing games together. It was isolated and a large circular room with one door that led in and out. The Earth ghoul dropped the pair onto the carpeted floor before pointing a finger at them in warning.

"You will not leave this room until you sort out your problems!"

"You're locking us in a room together? That's not the smartest choice big guy." Y/n crossed his arms looking away from Dew

Mountain stalked forward until he was looming over the smaller male causing the other to look up but shrink at the look on his face. Mountain hardly ever got mad but that look in his eyes right then made him want to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. He swallowed thickly as he forced down a whine as the other reached up a hand to tip his chin up to look at his eyes.

"You will stay in this room until I see fit that you won't kill each other outside of these walls. Fuck it out, fight it out, I don't give a rats ass but you two are not leaving this room until you are not at each other's throats anymore. Fix whatever shit this is, okay honey?"

Y/n nodded dumbly and watched as the others silently filed out - the sound of the door locking from the outside was loud in the quiet space but neither he nor Dew moved for the longest time until Dew got agitated and shifted further into the room.

"Out of all the fucking ghouls to summon Papa had to summon you didn't he?"

Y/n's head snapped over towards him and his lip curled. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean? It's not like I wanted to be summoned, asshole!"

"You took the contract. He would have easily sent you back if you didn't want to join us, dipshit." Dew fired back and Y/n's mouth clamped shut with a click.

It was true, he could have said no to the contract and Papa would have sent him back. But the truth was, Hell was far worse than what his life top side was right now; it wasn't a place he wanted to remember or go back to anytime soon. Sighing Y/n made his way to the couch and sunk down into the cushion staring up at the ceiling with dull eyes.

"Was it really that bad?" Dew finally spoke up and Y/n could feel the burn of his stare on his face.

The ghoul snorted and lowered his gaze to meet the familiar color of Dew's irises he actually once fell for. He shrugged and licked his lips thoughtfully. "Fucking sucked ass, dude....especially after you left."

A heavy silence fell in the room and Dew shifted on the couch he sat on until he was near Y/n. "I didn't want to leave you there alone, Y/n..."

"But you did. You chose your freedom over your mate...and I supposed I shouldn't have blamed you as much as I did all those years. If I had been given the choice...I probably would have taken my freedom too."

Dewdrop's face twisted slightly and Y/n was reminded as he scanned the familiar features why he'd fallen for the spitfire in the first place. He had been so beautiful when they first met - feral and wild like the flames of hell themselves. He was still so beautiful now but there was more ease about him after being on top side for so long. The fire was there still sure...but it wasn't as if either of them were a mindless demon anymore. Still, fuck had it hurt when Dewdrop left Hell to stay in the real world.

"So, you uh...found yourself a family up here then that kept you tethered huh? I mean....I get it. They're great. I probably wouldn't have the heart to leave them either. Or Papa. That eccentric doofus." Y/n's lip curled slightly in an attempt at a friendly smile but Dew's intense stare made it drop.

"I didn't take another mate...Y/n..."

"And what if I did?" Y/n's challenge caused that perfect jawline he remembered nipping at clench as Dew launched himself at the other.

Strong thighs bracketed Y/n's frame as Dew gripped the back of the sofa to lean closer; his nose almost touching Y/n's as their eyes stared at each other. A snarl flashed his white fangs and a long-fingered hand slid up the column of ashen flesh to grip his jaw.

"Then I will have Papa summon that motherfucker, I will force you down until you're gagging on my dick and after I blow my load down your throat I'm going to fuck you in front of them." he snarled lowly feeling the way Y/n's throat constricted in a hard swallow and getting lost in the colors of his irises.

"A-and if that's not what I want?" Y/n panted out against Dew's lips that hovered above his.

"Oh baby boy...you won't have a fucking choice. You're mine. I had you first. my mark...." The guitarist's fingers tugged down the shirt collar to stare at the patch of skin between shoulder and neck before a curse escaped him.

"Fuck~ You still have my mark..."

Y/n whined and arched up into the ghoul straddling him; gripping his slender waist to pull him closer. "Of course I still have it. I'm a demon with morals, you asshole... You honestly think I found dick better than yours?" he let out a shaky laugh but Dew merely pressed his lips to the fading scarred mark on his skin making another whimper escape Y/n lips.

"Dew....Please..."

"Fucking hell, firebug." Dew's fingers sank into the soft hair and yanked Y/n's head back until his mouth parted in a gasp which he took full control of.

Dewdrop's tongue slipped into his mouth to tangle with his mate's and he groaned at the familiar taste of him; pressing down until Y/n felt nothing but the fire ghoul above him. When lungs screamed they parted for air - a string of saliva connecting their panting breaths.

"Fuck all that shit...turn around I'm about to fuck you until you can't remember anything but my name and after that I'm renewing that bloody mark - your mine Y/n!"

~

Rain tapped his foot on the step as he chewed on his fingernail glancing at the others in the stairway. He cleared his throat before speaking his voice at a little higher pitch than usual.

"Did anybody know about...." he trailed off. " I mean should we..."

Swiss bit his lip as he looked towards the locked door when another cry of pleasure sounded from behind it between the snarls. The scent of sex and arousal seeping from beneath the door caused his pants to tighten a bit.

"Know that our Dewdrop had a mate all this time in hell that he abandoned? Fuck no."

"A-ah." Rain nodded and looked helplessly at Mountain who merely shrugged and bent down to pick Rain up bridal style.

"Come on Raindrop." he walked up the stairs leaving Aether and Swiss staring at each other.

"Fuck it!" Aether threw Swiss over his shoulder and bolted up the stairs to his room with a giggling Swiss behind him.

Now it's safe to say the fights didn't end up with any more glass shattering during the mornings or shouting matches over the stupidest stuff. But the Sister who took care of their laundry sure did have to stop by a lot more often than usual.

Taglist: @kattreffic

If anyone else wishes to be on a taglist for future Ghost oneshots or fictions please let me know!

[howlingday]

We Fight Together

Robyn: How is she taking it?

Fiona: We... We fixed up her wounds, but...

AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Joanna: Dammit! If she keeps smashing against the rocks, she'll reopen her wounds at a minimum, and at worst, she blows our cover and dies anyway from her wounds before we're found!

Qrow: Mm... Ruby...

..................................................................................

Ruby: (Smashing against a boulder) ARGH! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! I'M STILL TOO WEAK!

Qrow: Hey there, Squirt...

Ruby: (Stops) U... Uncle Qrow! You were there, weren't you?! You saw! You saw it! Everything's okay, isn't it?! It's all a dream! Please tell me it was all a dream!

Qrow: ...She's dead, Ruby. Yang's dead.

Ruby: No... No! YOU'RE LYING! YOU'RE-! (Chokeslammed into a wall) ACK!

Qrow: GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!

Qrow: You just survived the world's deadliest war yet, and you barely survived by the skin of your goddamn teeth! You tried your best, but facing all those powerful enemies shook you to your core, right?!

Qrow: You're drowning in a sea of your own shame and guilt, but you need to stop your damn crying and quit thinking about what you lost! WHAT'S GONE IS GONE, AND YOU CAN NEVER GET IT BACK!

Qrow: SO WHAT DO YOU STILL HAVE?!

Ruby: (Breathing slows, Stops struggling)

Qrow: (Lets go)

Ruby: (Slides into her butt, Looks at hands)

Ruby: (Closes thumb)

Ruby sneaks into the dormroom. Weiss is looking away, studying at her desk. Reaching forward, she readies to pinch Weiss' neck. Aaaaaaaaand...

"Ruby, don't even. I'm studying right now."

Ruby: (Closes second finger)

Ruby looks up to see Blake glaring through binoculars. With a growl, she calls down to everyone. Even through the howling winds and the pouring rain, she can still hear her.

"Grimm, two hundred yards ahead!"

Ruby: (Closes third finger)

"Just you wait and see!"

Ruby watched as Jaune boasted from his perch by the lake. There was a tackle box of lures sitting next to him, rented from the boathouse close by. He jabbed a thumb to himself.

"Back home, I was the fish champion!"

Ruby: (Closes fourth finger)

"Ruby, if you keep pestering me, you won't get as much as everyone else."

Ren warned from his place at the stove. Without looking, he knew she was sneaking sugar into his recipe. She thought it would help the kelp and algae taste. Ren thought otherwise.

"Trust me, Ruby! I used to bandage up Renny all the time when we were kids! I even taught him a few things!"

Nora wrapped the gauze tight around Ruby's hand. Her fingers felt a little cold, but Nora assured that was her blood loss talking. Later, she'd verify with Ren.

Ruby: (Tears brim, Closes fist and a thumb)

"Huh? You wanna learn how to pick pockets? I guess I can teach you a thing or two."

The lessons didn't last long, but Ruby did learn a thing or two about snatching jewelry and wallets. That is, until Weiss and Ren came after her and Nora respectively. Emerald feigned ignorance, of course.

Ruby: (Closes other hands finger)

"Oh! Greetings, Ruby, my friend! Would you like to join me in my routine self-diagnostic?"

Ruby carefully backed away from her best friend. However, no was never an acceptable answer for Penny. So, taken by the hand again, Ruby was forced to think about herself with Penny. It was nice, but always ended with her feeling like she should go see a doctor.

"Do not worry, Ruby, my friend! I'll always be at my most functional for your mission!"

"Good morning, Miss Rose. Did you sleep well? A rested mind is the greatest tool in a Huntresses arsenal."

With a blink, the former headmaster of Beacon returned to his host's mind, leaving the awkward boy alone with the awkward girl. He scratched his head and blushed as she did the same, both embarrassed by the sudden shift.

"Uh, g-good morning, Ruby."

Weiss: Ruby!

Blake: Ruby.

Jaune: Crater Face!

Ren: Ruby.

Nora: Ruby~!

Emerald: Ruby.

Penny: Ruby, my friend~!

Ozpin: Miss Rose.

Oscar: Ruby.

''RUBY''

Ruby: (Opens her fingers, Closes her fingers) M-Muh team...

Ruby: (Openly sobbing, Shaking) I STILL HAVE MY TEAM! WEISS! BLAKE! JAUNE! NORA! REN! PENNY! OSCAR! EMERALD! PROFESSOR OZPIN! THEY'RE MY TEAM!

Ruby: I need to see 'em! I NEED TO SEE 'EM!

[lixenn]

Character profile

I've managed to translate my rambles into something comprehensible, so have Ottavio's character profile! Since he's a canon character, I kept the basic information to what I found on wiki and just fleshed out his character with the few scraps the entry has begrudgingly gifted me.

Ottavio

Name: Ottavio

Job: Cloud Officer of the Varia

Age: 39

Flame type: Cloud (active)

Nationality: Italian

Appearance

Ottavio has lightly tousled, fair hair and wears glasses. He has a thin face and wears the customary Varia coat.

Personality

I’m basing my Ottavio on the three facts wiki has given me which are he is smart, deceptive and a smooth talker. Also, this personality breakdown is based on Chief’s opinion of Ottavio, so keep that in mind.

Looking in from the outside Ottavio seems like a decent guy; he’s competent, thinks quick on his feet, smiles a lot, doesn’t look nearly as crazy as the other Executives.

Which was one of the first things that tipped Chief off. He’s too perfect, too normal. There’s no way in hell a Varia veteran just walks around smelling like daisies, pretending to not have any skeletons in his closet. This is Varia we’re talking about. The skeleton in your closet is your best friend, you have known it for years, called it Steve and are weirdly attached to it.

Ottavio’s nice guy routine raises all of Chief’s hackles, because this man acts like one of the old farts at the Iron Fort, who politic their way through life and shoot their enemies in the back room so they don’t get any blood on their heirloom carpet.

He’s a liar, constantly wearing a façade, never showing his true intentions. And Chief hates it. He can’t stand liars; he’d prefers outright madness instead of always being left second guessing someone's motives. His instincts never stop screaming at him when Ottavio’s in his vicinity and it’s driving him up the wall. It doesn't help that his inner Cloud can’t stand the perceived competition since Ottavio has the strongest Cloud Flames in Varia territory.

Conclusion: Chief hates Ottavio’s guts. The level of contempt he feels for the other Cloud is bordering on irrational but the more he’s forced to interact with him, the more he realizes that this guy? Has a whole graveyard in his closet.

Now, there are several reasons why Ottavio is still sticking around and hasn’t been incinerated by Xanxus for being a lying piece of shit.

Arrogance: Ottavio doesn’t perceive Chief as much of a threat. While Chief’s position as Head of Housekeeping technically makes them equals in the Varia hierarchy, he’s still a non-combatant. Therefore Ottavio tends to let his guard down when he’s interacting with him. This is based on his belief that he can always get rid of Chief later if the worst-case scenario occurs (aka Chief finds out he’s a traitor). But Ottavio doesn’t have that assurance with Xanxus and the other Officers, which means he’s way more cautious with his behaviour around them.

Acting ability: Ottavio is an excellent liar and knows how to play the game. He’s good at finding the right words, adding just enough flattery to be charming but not enough to be suck-up. He plays his cards close to his chest and he has a way to sway other people’s opinion in his favour.

Unfortunately, Chief alone doesn’t have enough sway to get rid of the Cloud Officer, even though he knows something is fishy is going on. Here’s why:

Connections: Ottavio’s from the old crowd. As former second in Command of the Varia, he still has a lot of support not only from older Varia members - Assassin and Housekeeping alike - but also from the main Family itself. Hence, he’s got a lot of influence and big names (such as Nono himself) to back him up, which makes simply disappearing him quite a difficult affair.

Competence: Ottavio is Varia Quality and has been for years. He knows his division like the back of his hand, his mission record is spotless, and his paperwork game is only outdone by Squalo and Chief himself. So, sacking him based on a ‘bad feeling’ is sadly not going to work (Chief is very salty about that).

This all adds up to Chief being stuck with a traitorous colleague, which is nearly as bad for his blood pressure as Dave's constant pranks. The only thing he can really do is warn his subordinates about the rat in their midst. It doesn’t help that Ottavio constantly undermines him, messes with his employees and just generally doesn’t value Housekeeping at all.

Well, that was my try to give this random filler character an actual personality. Like always, if you have questions or comments about this, my OCs or worldbuilding, just give me scream at me via asks.

[piastrinorris]

thinking about autistic!eddie again (advance warning: posting from mobile rn bc my wifi provider is down and i have typed readmore between colons but whether that works is another matter, soz in advance if it doesn't)

eddie who can't function without his emotional support tangle toy. wayne practically has stock in chewy charm manufacturers based on how many eddie goes through

eddie who doesn't just infodump about dnd and metal and fantasy genre stuff with people he feels safe around, he shares EVERYTHING he loves with his friends. he'll find things he likes the texture of and rub it against his friends' cheeks so they get to feel it too! and he'll point out other phenomena that makes him happy, like seeing multiple cars drive past, one after the other, that are all the same colour. or he'll try to make words/sentences up out of license plates to cheer his friends up, bc that's always something that gets him out of a funk. or he'll make everyone boxed mac n cheese when they visit the trailer bc that's his favourite meal

eddie whos number one detention reason is "talking back" but really its just that certain teachers trigger his echolalia and he can't help but repeat what they say, its not his fault they take offence to it. the second reason is "being disruptive" but again, it's not his fault that they're so unengaging that he has no choice but to stim. hollowing his cheeks out and flicking them so they make a sound. tapping each of his rings against the table in sequence, getting in even more trouble when they stop him mid-sequence bc sure, he'll stop, but only when he gets to the end of the pattern bc why would you stop anywhere else?

eddie who everyone thinks must be slimy n grimy but who has a Very Specific hygiene routine so his hair and skin never feel gross. he also has to keep his nails as short as possible, if he can see more than a sliver of white on his fingernails, he clips them and picks them and chews them until they're gone again

eddie who bases almost everything on his autistic intuition, which the others try and tell him is just him trying to justify avoiding social situations but it always eventually comes out that eddie was right to avoid the people he got bad vibes from

eddie who wears layers on layers no matter what the weather bc pressure relief keeps him the most grounded. jeff gives him the best squeezes whenever he needs them

eddie who LOVES parallel play. like everyone could be playing a one-shot that gareth has been planning for weeks now, and even though eddie gets overstimulated as a player (hence why he's a forever dm) he's more than happy to sit at the table and read while everyone else plays

eddie who is "failing" math even though its his most favourite subject bc even though he gets the answer right, the way he works it out isn't the curriculum's way

eddie who maladaptive daydreams this perfect world in which corroded coffin make it big, they're out here headlining festivals and selling out tours, but sometimes that's his own worst enemy bc one of the others suggest something for the band, it doesn't fit in his fake storyline so he can't picture it working out, even though all the others think it's a good idea. he eventually lets them, but it takes him a while to work this new thing into the Big Picture in his head

[chrryvanillacoke]

Survival of the Fittest: Ch 1 The Fall

The Walking Dead (2010) fanfic Rick Grimes x Original female character.

Word Count: 1524

No smut

Triggers: Animal death, character deaths, slight gore descriptions at beginning

"Summer was my favorite season, especially during August when the warm Georgia sun and the salty breezes reached their peaks. Classes had started the week prior and everything in life was perfect, til it wasn’t no more. Nothing could prepare you for how fast the world can go from perfectly normal to a fallen society overnight. Our worst enemy was now our own kind. Neighbors became threats, friends succumbed to a fate worse than death, and the dead no longer desired to rest. 

It was August 25, 2010. My best friend Maddie and I were walking to the cafeteria on campus when we saw it. One of the girls from our biology class named Hailey was on the ground screaming and wrestling a person on top of her, both covered in blood. I hadn’t noticed at first that the reason they were covered in blood was because the person atop her was biting into her neck and eating it (I can still remember the sound it made when it ripped). Campus erupted into a frenzy and I saw more of my classmates getting tackled by the same thing Hailey had, so I grabbed Maddie and took off towards my truck. I tried, I really did. I ran as fast as I could. Maddie didn’t make it. She was ripped from my arms by one of the flesh eaters. I turned around for only a second to see her swarmed by a group of them. (Where did they all come from?) I will never forget the look I saw on her face. I learned that day to never look back. The day of the “outbreak” was the last day I ever set foot on campus again. It was the last day the world was normal. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t think it will ever be normal again. "

Bella Thompson 8/31/10

After signing my name I place the pen and notebook down on my desk next to me and lean back in my chair. It’s been six days since the world fell apart. Six days of being cooped up in my family's farmhouse that resides on the outskirts of the city. 

Six days since Maddie… 

“Goddammit!” I yell, pushing away from my desk and throwing the notebook across my room. It hits the wall with a loud thud alerting my mother.

“Bella?” Her soft voice brought my attention to my now cracked open door, the light behind my mother filtering in illuminating her small frame, “everythin’ all right?” 

Her graying-blonde hair was a mess and she looked tired. We were all exhausted, unable to sleep soundly in fear of a flesh eater wandering upon our property. When I didn’t answer she stepped in my room and shut the door behind her. 

“Hun, it wadn’t your fault,” she walks over to where my notebook lie on the floor and picks it up, “Maddie wouldn’t blame you for what happened to her, and neither would her-,” 

“That’s ‘cause they're dead,” my voice barely audible, tears pricking my eyes,

“They can’t blame me ‘cause they’re dead.” I clench my teeth in hopes that the tears would go away. 

I could see my mother frown and her brows knit in contemplation as she set the notebook back on my desk. She stands in front of me, tucking my hair behind my ears. She seemed so much smaller than she did before the outbreak. Thinner, frailer,-

“We don’t know that ‘er parents are dead hun, once the radio comes back on and we hear that things are cleared up in the city we’ll head right over.” I know she was just trying to reassure me, but there was nothing that could get me to believe that things were ‘going to be cleared up,’ not after what I saw. Mom hadn’t seen what happened that day. She didn’t see or hear what happened when a flesh eater got ahold of you.

“Dinner is ready if yer hungry, yer father and brother are already at the dinner table,” she stands by the door once more, waiting for me to answer.

“I’ll be down in a few,” and with that she left to return to the kitchen. With the world the way it was we were lucky to have a semi-normal routine. The farm has been supporting my family for generations, and even now at the end of the world, the farm still stood strong and undisturbed. I’ve never been more grateful for the farm till now. 

With a sigh I stand up and make my way downstairs to the kitchen. 

“And she lives!” My father jokes as I descend the steps.

“Rob-,” I hear my mother smack his arm, his silent protests follow suit with my moms whispered pestering. I sat down at my chair at the table across from my younger brother Elijah. He was eating away at his canned Spaghettios when he looked up at me mid spoonful.

“Hey Bell.”

“Hey Eli,” I grab my spoon and take a spoonful of the can of Spaghettios in front of me.

“How were the traps with dad this morning?” I could see Eli practically jump out of his chair at the chance to tell about his adventure. 

“Had a good catch today, there was a coyote and two rabbits, one of the traps ransacked though,” he paused to look at our dad for approval to continue his story and when he gave Eli a nod he started to beam, “we also saw a flesh eater, it was caught up in one of the wire fences, very south side.” 

I could see my mother go stiff from the corner of my eye, whether it was because of me and the mention of a flesh eater or because she didn’t know about this encounter was beyond me. My dad cleared his throat before speaking.

“There was just one of ‘em, no threat, had Eli stick ‘em in the head for practice,” now I knew for sure it was because my mother was unaware of this encounter because she slams the dish she was drying down on the counter. 

“Robert, we agreed to keep Bella and Elijah away from them,” she turns around and stalks over to my father who was still seated, “WE agreed that they would not go anywhere near one, BOTH of us.” My father sighed in response, oh he was gonna get an earful tonight.

“Robert, do not sigh at me, I am your wife,” she was fuming, “anythang could have happened to either of y’all and Bella and I wouldn’t ‘ve known, what then Robert?”

“Hun,” he took a deep breath, “I’m not gonna be ‘round forever, Eli and Bella both need ‘ta know-” my mother shushes him. 

“Not ‘nother word out yer mouth Robert,'' she looked over towards my brother and I, “leave yer dinner and go upstairs you two.'' Her southern accent was thicker now. Elijah scarfs  down a few more spoonfuls and I finish the one I was on and we head upstairs. When my brother and I got to our bedroom doors he tugs on my shirt. 

“Can I sleep in your room tonight?” How could I ever say no to him? 

“Course ya can, go get your blankets and whatever else ya need,” I gave him a smile and leave my door open for him, “close it when ya come in.” 

He hurriedly grabbed his favorite blanket, stuffed bear, and pillow and leaped into his side of my bed. Luckily my bed was big enough for both of us because I would not willingly give up my bed even for him. 

I smile as I watch him get all snug under the sheets before he looks up at me looking sad.

“Mom and dad are gonna fight arn’t they?” He cradles his stuffed bear as I sit next to him. I knew there was nothing comforting I could say and there was no point in lying to him.

“Yeah, but it’s not ‘cause ‘yer in trouble Eli, it’s ‘cause mom just wants ya safe, it’d kill ‘er if somethin’ happened to ya, it’d kill all of us.”

He looks down at his hands that were now fiddling with his blanket. I lower my face to his.

“But it’s alright ‘cause it means we get ta have a sleepover,” I attempt to lighten the mood and he lets out a giggle with a mischievous grin on his face. 

“Last one ta’ sleep is a rotten egg!” He shouts and turns over on his side, pulling the blanket up to his chin.

“Oh no ya don’t!” I began tickling him and he thrashes around.

 “STOP! Bella! It hurts, I-I can’t laugh anymore,” he’s barely able to make out the words between giggles. I let up my attack on him and get under the covers as his giggles subside.

I pretend to sleep until I can hear his breathing even out. 

“Goodnight Eli,” I whisper and give his forehead a kiss, turning back over and falling asleep myself

I was greeted by Maddie’s faint screams again that night.

[mainstoryarchive]

Ensemble - 102: Caution

Mao: My report.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Location: Grounds

Mao: My report.

There's nothing wrong in the A ward, the grounds and the garden terrace.

It seems that the garbage is piling up a little, so we should ask the cleaning staff to clean it up.

Souma: There's nothing wrong in the B ward, the reception and the vicinity of the school, either.

As expected, it's heavy work to walk and guard around the borders of the school. I needlessly trained my legs.

Kuro: We don't have enough people, it can't be helped. Don't complain, Kanzaki. …There's nothing wrong in the C or D ward either.

Keito: Thanks for the hard work.

I'm sorry, Kanzaki, Kiryu and Isara too. For having you help me out with my student council duties.

This time almost all students… Which almost means almost all official student council members, are participating in this DreamFes with their units.

We have less people who can perform the routine tasks than we have with a normal DreamFes.

The teachers are also being made to help out, however, under the pretext of having to maintain fairness, they are involved with things such as the tallying of the votes.

It's incorrigible, but we have to do things like patrolling.

However, it's quite difficult. Imagining there will be voting each hour makes me restless.

Constructing a large amount of outdoor stages and having a great number of units perform at the same time… It's the first time we tried something like this.

There is also a large audience. The students who usually quietly watch S1s and such in their classrooms are now walking around as they please as well.

It's all as Eichi commanded, so I can't complain.

I can't respond properly at all. It's hard for a normal person to understand what Eichi is thinking. I wish he'd also consider how it feels to be in my shoes, how it feels to be swung around by him.

The DDD… It'd be nice if everything would come to an end in a harmonious manner, without anything happening.

Kuro: Well, half of the units will have to retire each hour after all.

Can't you just pick reliable guys from there and leave some of the work to them?

It'll get better as time goes on.

Souma: Hmm. If we had decided to participate in the DDD, I would try to enjoy myself as an audience member after losing.

To be honest, I wouldn't even feel like working.

The DDD is a great battle never seen before in the long history of Yumenosaki Academy, it makes my blood boil…☆

Keito: Don't swing your sword around, Kanzaki.

Well, we shouldn't expect much from other people. We will support the DDD and, while also preparing for emergencies, we will solve all problems that arise.

We are going to set the stage so that Eichi and the others can shine to their limits.

We of AKATSUKI will be the unsung heroes of the DDD.

Kuro: Don't get too worked up, Hasumi.

The high and mighty student council president has come back, isn't it fine to make him responsible and just assume an easygoing stance?

Keito: Allies whose thoughts are impossible to understand are even more incorrigible than your worst enemy. Eichi is such an ally. He makes my head ache.

He also started this whole DDD thing without telling me anything about it.

Souma: So even Hasumi-dono doesn't understand the president's true intentions.

I'm sure that is the same for everyone who's participating in the DDD too… Most of them must also not really know anything and are just being led around by the merry atmosphere.

Keito: Eichi's true intentions… Even though it may not look like it, Eichi and I are childhood friends, so I do vaguely have an idea.​

That's exactly why I will stand in the background this time. I do not want to stand in his way. That's the only thing I can do for him.

According to the rules of the DDD, if AKATSUKI where to keep winning, there's a chance we have to compete against Eichi's fine.

We won't accomplish anything if we clash with our allies. That's something I do not wish for.

If there's anything else I can do for Eichi, then that's taking care of the routine work in order for the DDD to proceed smoothly.

Souma: Right. No matter what, the fight has already begun. Even if I were to say something like 'I want to participate in the DDD', it's already no longer possible to enter.

We won't stand on the battlefield this time. We should devote ourselves to our own duties.

If it were possible I wished we of AKATSUKI could also show off our spectacular military prowess on this battlefield as a yunitto.

However, if Hasumi-dono chooses to prioritize work, then there is nothing to be done.

Hasumi-dono is our AKATSUKI's leader. We will follow Hasumi-dono whether it's alive or in death.

Luckily, AKATSUKI has members familiar with armed struggle, so patrolling the venue is one of our strong points.

Keito: …I wouldn't have minded if you had participated in the DDD without me.

Choosing not to enter us in this DreamFes and choosing to prioritize my student council duties is my selfishness. You guys shouldn't feel obligated to follow me in that.

Kuro: Don't be so distant, aren't we comrades? Comrades are people whose mistakes you wouldn't mind getting caught up in.

Isn't our AKATSUKI a unit like that?

Not much time has passed after that S1, we should let our muscles rest. It's not like we're so young that we can put out our full power each and every time.

Life isn't only about winning DreamFes.

Souma: Though, if possible I wanted to retrieve the honor we lost in that S1.

Torikkustaa is on the verge of breaking right now, it's on the verge of death. If we were to defeat them as they are now, I would not feel relieved at all.

Defeating an enemy that isn't at their best won't be anything to write home about.

Although the president seems to feel differently about that. Like 'It's fine as long as we win'… I just can't sympathize with that.

Creating a fissure in Torikkustaa and making them unable to do anything before the battle has even started is a filthy way to do things.

Dorifessu is a war between aidorus, although that most likely is just lip service.

Torikkustaa has been made much too miserable. I can't bear looking at them, it's disgraceful.

…Oh. That isn't something I should have said while you are with us, Isara-dono.

Mao: ……

[ ☆ ]

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[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 1 - Resurrect Bracket (Losers Bracket) Side A

ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to [make it to the finals]

Propaganda below ⬇️

Temenos

so his whole thing is he's an inquisitor who is just fundamentally bad at being a priest on account of he does things like forgetting scripture and not being able to help but doubt the institution which gets everyone hes ever cared about killed. he's gay. he says shit like "careful, i bite". he's in yuri with a holy knight. he's one of my favorite characters and i want to beat him over the head with a cast iron skillet

fucked up gay little cleric who was supposed to grapple with the fact that the institution he serves is corrupt except he has been in doubt from the very beginning and very clearly doesnt put much stock in the scripture hes made it his lifes work to preach. hes kinda a freak with it. every line he speaks is said with the cadence of a gay guy checking under his nails while ignoring you as he talks. i have to hit him with mallets and shatter him into pieces.

This man is the world's worst clergyman. He's a high ranking member of the holy inquisition, but nobody respects him and he mostly just uses his position to investigate random murders for fun. He regularly forgets how the bible goes and little kids have to correct him on how the plot goes of the jrpg equivalent of jesus's resurrection. He has a holy knight for a boyfriend. He tortures people for information any other character can just ask for. His best friend out of the rest of the main 8 is an assassin and gang member. He tries to get people to commit crimes with him. His story is about uprooting the corruption in his church and killing high ranking church members and also Literal Fucking Jrpg satan. He regularly blasphemes and everyone around him looks in horror as he shouts at god and encourages people to become atheists. His catchphrase is "doubt is what I do." He is still somehow the most devout character in the entire game despite being a total fuck up of a cleric who does not deserve to be here whatsoever. Pls let him win it'd be SO FUNNY

Hes genuinely just the funniest guy. Very little about his story has to do with the faith but like. He routinely roasts the entire pantheon of in-universe gods. He beats people up (metaphorically of course) as one of his main game mechanics. He got stamped as the resident gayboy SO fast. His starliner definitely has higher intelligence than wisdom even though clerics use wisdom. Every chapter he appears in he solves a mystery by zoning out so hard his god blesses him with extremely vivid hallucinations. He's so deeply fucking traumatized. One of his battle skills is fully just beating his enemies up with his staff. He ends up defunding the police. He can very casually become a thermonuclear bomb but in a very holy way. His best friend is a 23-year-old assassin that exclusively calls him "Detective". Is he Catholic (ish)? Yeah, but he certainly doesn't always act like it.

He constantly commits heresy and doubts the gods but is still the not-Pope's right hand man

Listen, imagine you'd go to church and your priest gets roasted by kids for forgetting how the bible goes. That's him, canonically even. He's like if a redditor who wants to be a detective was cosplaying as a holy man. He's someone whose whole thing is doubting the gods and the church, to the point where he makes another person question his faith too, even though he is technically The holy man. He's absolutely unhinged and gay. He's 30 years old and absolutely does not look like it. He's traumatized, and cannot be sincere and honest about his feelings even once. He should go to therapy actually. Like desperately. For his sake and everyone around him.

he is from the faith but he doubts everything around him to find the truth through it........ also i'd like to see him torment the crotchety priest i had to do a face-to-face confession with in high school. it'd be funny.

FATHER BROWN BUT MAKE HIM GAY AND PLAGUED BY TRUST ISSUES. This man will forget his own sermons, beat people up for infos and, at the same time, gets to be the fantasy equivalent of a youth pastor. He somehow manages to be the most unhinged person in a party that includes a vengeful math professor who can and WILL mug people. He might not be the most devout Catholic of them all, but he is definitely the *funniest* one. Give it up for the world's shittiest priest!

i’m gonna be honest temenos is a TERRIBLE catholic but he’s funny and i love him. he also has a weird gay thing going on with a paladin it’s great.

Link

Well, maybe not specifically catholic. But behold, OFFICIAL ART: https://cdn.wikimg.net/en/zeldawiki/images/a/ab/LinkPraying.png

in the original legend of zelda game there’s a bible (localized to the book of magic due to nintendo of america’s guidelines), a cross in the adventure of link, and in a link to the past, there’s art of him kneeling in front of a crucifix. hyrule has its own religions but there are undeniable christian roots.

[aubins]

she is rasping and literally crawling toward yuri with big wet eyes because the week has been very unkind to her and she's a little scraped up from getting caught in a wilderness trap but don't even worry about it. however! she reaches them and her fluffy head perks up.

"yuri! yuri, we weren't on the same island last week, and bernie didn't want to miss you just in case—" rustle, rustle. from her belongings, she fishes out a lilac-ribboned box. inside there is makeup, carefully curated and dorothea-certified of course, along with a flower accessory she'd made herself. its blossom is the color of their eyes, which she is doing her very best to meet now, thank you very much.

(in fact, she's trying so hard that it pinches her brow just slightly. eye contact will always be her worst enemy but god if she isn't pulling out all the stops to show her earnestness. they deserve that much and plenty more.)

"happy, uh, early birthday...!" the gift is ushered into their possession. then her arms flap at her sides, and she blurts: "please don't get eaten by alligators, okay?! wait, are there alligators on this island? w-well, don't get eaten by anything! please. um, yes." nod, nod. "i don't get this whole competition thing, but you're still bernie's dear friend. and bernie really, really wants to keep being friends by the time your next birthday comes, too."

a pause. then, lips curl into a silly, fond smile that bernadetta can't help but make. "a-and it doesn't have anything to do with this weird island, but, um... you make me happy. so i hope this makes you happy, too."

Yuri Leclerc does not celebrate their birthday.

Sometimes, there are exceptions. Like the treats and surprises of a certain red-haired girl or the odd greeting here and there from Abyssians who have known them for long enough to learn it. Yet no matter how routine these exceptions start to become, they will always be just that: exceptions. Because, for so long, the day they'd said was theirs never really was their birthday anyway. Because, a long time ago, the boy who was born on their actual birthday died on the streets of Adrestia.

“Bernadetta,” is their hummed greeting as their gaze flicks over her, pleased— well, always pleased, really, to see her, and even more so when she appears to be in relatively one piece— their usual smile curling at the corner of their lips. “That for me?” they ask, tone teasing as she fishes the box from her belongings. It's not even my birthday yet, is the follow up, already upon the tip of their tongue when—

“Happy, uh, early birthday...!”

And Yuri blinks, stunned for a moment, because no, they think, they will never quite get used to these exceptions. Even as Bernadetta shuffles the gift into their hands, babbling that they shouldn't get eaten by alligators, if there even are any— “No,” they think they hear themself say automatically, first instinct always to reassure, “I haven't seen any alligators. And I won't get eaten, so don't even worry about it.”— and that they're her dear friend— “...ah?” is the only sound they make in response to that one, a little quiet and a little confused, because there's no automatic answer to it, not one that they want to give to such a genuine effort anyway.

They glance at the box now in their hands for a beat, then pull it open gently, as if afraid it might break. “You didn't have to,” Yuri says, gaze immediately attracted to the collection of makeup within. They know, of course, what it costs, and suddenly mean it doubly so. “Must've cost you a pretty penny. You should've spent it on yourself.” And even if some people would say it just to be humble, humility has never been one of their features. They know what they do and do not deserve.

After all, Yuri is no stranger to gifts like these. Makeup and jewelry offered to them because only the finest of accessories should decorate the most beautiful dolls— and never for free, of course, because nothing in this world is ever for free, and they are quite used to trading both face and body.

They kept them all, no matter how they loathe them sometimes. They may be prideful, but they are not foolish. There is a trunk under the floorboards beneath their bed in Abyss filled with their hoard, bountiful enough to convince someone they are a magpie and not a mockingbird. Bountiful enough to remind them that, now, the Savage Mockingbird can take a noble's expensive gift and slit his throat while wearing it if they wanted, then toss it without a second thought to disappear within their collection.

But while Bernadetta is a noble, she is not like them. (But how do you know? asks a voice. Yuri silences it. They just do— they must believe that.) Not because of this island, she says next, and as much as Yuri can guess where her mind tends to spiral to, they wonder if she can do the same. Because they would have thought it next, yes, wondered about an objective handed to her in the interim that perhaps needed completing or some other game their hosts wanted to play. Even with the reassurance, they might have still wondered.

But maybe it is because it is Bernadetta, because she had known them before they were Yuri, and know all the secrets and vulnerabilities that come with that, because no matter how many times she says she has forgiven them, Yuri is used to bracing for betrayal, that the mockingbird pauses. Briefly, yet completely and utterly struck still mid-flight.

And then they believe her, even when the first instinct ingrained in them is not to.

“It...” they start, then pause. Correct themself. “You make me happy, Bernadetta. With or without the gift. But thanks for thinking about my birthday.” Because it's nice to be thought about, in the end. If it needs to be put simply for her, without the mess of their past, then it— and she— makes them happy. Bernadetta doesn't need to know the rest. Yuri grins, then plucks the flower accessory from the box to hold out to her. This one, they can think about without straining their smile. No shadow haunts it; this one is just Bernadetta. “Help me put it in my hair?”

Next birthday, we'll still be friends. But they do not say it aloud. This one is a promise all for themself. Yuri resolves not to break it.

[notoneopinion]

The Newsletter #1: The Demon {social anxiety}

Social anxiety is a demon.

I don't mean to come on here and announce the obvious, but there is no point in making it more complicated than it needs to be. Social anxiety is the pesky demon that latches itself to everyone at some point; depending on a number of factors, that demon can be a daily torment.

My experience with The Demon dates back to early childhood. I remember being as young as six, hiding under my bed so my parents wouldn't make me go to the shops with them. And God forbid I actually did go to the shops, because I just spent the entire time trying to breathe, which must have looked alarming to those poor shoppers. As I grew older, this demon on my shoulder was no longer saying I couldn't go out for my own good; suddenly, I couldn't go out because my hair wasn't sitting right, or my weight wasn't low enough, or my face just simply could not be showcased to the public, because people would surely make fun of me for it. Suddenly the public wasn't the problem - I was. Only I didn't realise that until I started therapy.

I'm not going to tell you that therapy was my cure-all for social anxiety, because it wasn't. I will never talk someone out of going to therapy, as I'm actually a great advocate for it, and the proof of its benefits are right there for anyone to look at. Saying that, my relationship with therapy was a weird one; I was being forced to talk to a person about my crushing fear of people. I found myself dreading those sessions, yet despite this, I was able to gain some pretty decent in-sight into why my brain functioned the way it did. The way it does. The thing about therapy is that it forces you to go right back, because nine times out of ten, that's where the problems stem from. My therapist trailed me through a field of reasons why I was so terrified of leaving the house, going from high school bullies all the way to something like coming from a big family. Stuff a person wouldn't even begin to think, because - well, I always just put it down to me being messed up in the head. I didn't bother going beyond that line of thought, but that's the beauty of professional help! It made me feel better knowing it wasn't just pure self-sabotage making me this way - there are actually so many factors out of your control that play massive {The Biggest} parts in your mental health.

After getting to the root cause of the problem, I made it my mission to focus on myself. There comes a point where you just get sick and tired of being your own worst enemy, and that was the point I was at. Drastic changes had to be made, or I knew I was going to fall under and never crawl back out. It started with me dropping out of public school and moving to homeschooling, which might not seem like the best way to get over anxiety, but it was the start of something incredible for me. Escaping the environment that made me feel stuck and surrounded me with some of the most toxic people - it changed my life. It allowed me to have a clear head for the first time in years, which in turn let me focus on myself. I was able to establish a routine, got myself through GCSE's and A-Levels, grew closer to a family I was too run down to pay any attention to before. All this self-improvement came together, and suddenly I wasn't wearing the baggy clothes. Suddenly I wanted to go to the movies with my friends, because my head was no longer cluttered by these thoughts of self hatred. Of course crowds still scare me, and I'm always more comfortable going out if my fiance is with me - but I have a fiance! I'm going out! I'm making friends, because taking care of myself, putting myself first, made me realise that I am worthy of showing my face to the world, even if it is just in short bursts.

[dirtwig-draws]

I've been meaning to this for while and now that I'm on break: Here's my BG3 character: Reyland (Half-Drow Beastmaster Ranger). I'm gonna let loose my inner writer here, so bear with me:

Background: His father was a Drow and mother was human, and both were slaves of a moderatlely influential pristess of Lolth. They found comfort in each other and managed to keep Reyland a secret for a few years after he was born. It couldn't last forever, so they narrowly made their escape during an umberhulk attack. Taking refuge near Baldur's Gate, they kept to the woods out of fear of being discovered. Reyland grew up tracking and hunting, picking up skills there and in the city. After a routine trip to the city he woke up surrounded by alien creatures, unaware he was about to meet some of his closest(?) companions:

Astarion: Reyland doesn't fully trust him, but doesn't hold it against him. He wants to potentially help Astarion somehow, but for now is busy keeping him from snacking random strangers.

Lae'zel: As a hunter, Reyland recognizes another when he sees one. The two don't really get along, but they've managed to get some level of respect for each other. He knows some creatures can be trained, but never truely tamed. For now, he'll accept simply pointing her in the direction of more 'acceptable' prey.

Wyll: Reyland heard some stories of the Blade of the Frontier, he never anticipated meeting him. He considers Wyll a friend, a feeling recipricated after he supported the warlock when he got his 'punishment' from his patron.

Halsin: From growing up in the woods, Reyland know his way around nature. That is nothing compared to Halsin. He sees the druid as mentor, a role Halsin seems to take zeal in filling.

Gale: Total bros. Reyland has a bit of a sarcastic streak, so the two have a near-constant string of banter. The wizard has taken it upon himself to play Reyland's wingman, not-so-sutbly giving him advice in his relationships with the rest of the group. A recent revelation from Mystra has soured the mood, but Gale has put up his coy smile and optimistic attitude that Reyland can see right through at this point. He's let the matter drop for the time being, but is determined to find a way to save his friend.

Karlach: They instantly hit it off. With her up front and he picking off anything out of melee range, they feel unstoppable. Reyland's a bit more reserved, but he enjoys her passion for life. They share an odd kinship, with both refusing to let their pasts or ancestors control them. Both will stand up for the little guy, although he tends towards a bit more diplomatic or subtle approach. If that fails, Karlach's there ready for the go-ahead to turn the enemy past-tense. Reyland prefers a clean kill, but damn it Karlach doesn't make bloodshed look hot. The two definetly feel a spark between them, but whether it'll fizzle out or fully ignite remains to be seen. With Infernal Iron in hand, perhaps the answer is near.

Shadowheart: Their relationship at the start was...prickly. It they weren't hostile, but they both just had too many wall set up. Even at their worst, she never brought his heritage, and he never decried her religion. He has his doubts about Shar, but he won't say anything direct, at least not for now. He'll look out for her as best he can, especially if these cursed lands really do have some ties to the Lady of Loss. At this point after some time together (and saving each-other's asses a couple of times), they've become close friends. Both being snarky, they play off each other well. Recently, however, he's noticed her being a bit more...flirty. And he can't say he hasn't flirted back. He doesn't want to hurt his friends, but he can't shake the feeling he'll have to make a choice. Soon.

[hardtchill]

For me it’s very similar to the other anon. I’m turning 25 this year and I’ve still not got my bachelors degree because I had to quit my first go around at uni since i physically couldn’t learn for my exams. Granted it was compounded by other issues such as depression and anxiety but i genuinely believe that a not insignificant part of those issues come from the fact that adhd makes it near impossible to organise myself (unmedicated btw).

Seeing this on my feed rn is kind of ironic since even though im in my third year of a degree that I actually enjoy now, I literally dropped out of an exam that I was supposed to write today cuz I couldn’t revise. It’s not like I didn’t have the time and I’ve known for weeks about the deadline, but with every assignment or exam I push my own boundaries further and further back until I can’t do it anymore. Last semester I crammed 84 pages worth of notes in under 48h, an exam mind you that I’d pushed back over a year and was literally my last shot or I’d not be allowed to continue with my studies. I barely slept, I was throwing up, but I somehow passed, and with a good grade at that. Since then my brain is like, well you managed to do that that one time so you can totally afford to wait until the DAY before an exam to finish it. Or write a 15 page paper in a day.

And you know what, maybe I can. But the problem is the cost. It’s killing me. I find that it’s also very isolating cuz generally people don’t have a lot of empathy for this? So I end up pulling back from everyone including my best friends until I’m at a point again where I can be around people without letting on how incredibly bad I’m doing. Or I just straight up lie so they don’t know that I’ve not done the things i said I would do.

And all this is not just within the framework of academia. It’s also impacted my wellbeing in a more general sense - cooking for myself is hard because I tend to not listen to my body’s cues until I’m on the verge of passing out cuz i forgot to eat or drink, or by the time I’m hungry I still have to make a meal so I end up ordering something cuz it’s faster. Same with showering daily or brushing your teeth. Getting any routine started in general and sticking with it. I’ve been meaning to start exercising again but I keep delaying it for no reason. I’ve worked out regularly in the past so I know it’s something that I enjoy and that makes me feel good but despite that I’m still stuck in this place of inertia? It’s awful.

I’ve talked to some friends who also have adhd about it and the inability to start something cuz it isn’t instantly gratifying or that doesn’t align with an interest but is an obligation is quite common. Can I binge 7 seasons of a reality show in a week if it really interests me? Hell yeah! (I do watch everything at 2x speed cuz everyone talks too slow lmao but still). Will i fly through a massive book and literally forego sleeping if it means getting through more of it if im really invested? Absolutely. 1500 puzzle? Massive Lego set? Yep! Taking notes from a textbook for an assignment? Literally kill me right now.

I’m sorry for this long ass message and idek if you’re gonna read all of this but yeah just wanted to share my experience. Adhd is absolutely not quirky or a superpower and I wish there was a better understanding of it out there because it makes me my own worst enemy every day.

Ugh anon i feel you so much. I have skipped on many an exam during my bachelors because i just couldn't concentrate, focus or start revision. It's completely miserable to literally see the time go by where you feel the stress but you just cannot get your brain to start on what you need to do.

Any time i told teachers and now colleagues that i work well with deadlines i get told i'm not motivated enough because if i was i wouldn't need deadlines. That's just so unfair! My brain is graving dopamine, it's not laziness that my brain does this, it's literally just ADHD.

This is the same reason why your brain (usually) jumps into action when that crippling anxiety hits, because you're so close to a deadline that your brain can smell the dopamine.

The only reason that i finished my 6 month thesis is because i had many mini deadlines during those 6 months. I felt the anxiety to finish a part of it every month and i had a teacher who was very nice and gave you compliments when you did (DOPAMINE). If i didn't have that i would still be writing my thesis now.

ADHD is so misunderstood by so many people. It affects every part of your life and the negative consequences are so much bigger and impactful than the potential positive outcomes. I mean yeah i'm creative and can think fast, awesome but that doesn't make up for the anxiety, stress and grief you go through anytime your brain just doesn't want to start something.