#Remind me to ramble what I think everyone would be
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I think instead of the ritual turning Guillermo back into a human, it turned him into an energy vampire. I think his thing would be deception/manipulation.
Think about it, the earlier seasons, it's "I'm just a familiar! I'm just poor Guillermo!" Thing with hints of his character (deceiving people to be eaten by the household). Then, as seasons go on, his character comes out more and more.
What it reminds me of the most is Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. On one hand "mama just killed a man" and then "I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me" back and forth the whole entire song.
I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but Guillermo is back and forth back and forth. He wants to be a vampire so badly that he'll fool people for the house to eat. He was an accessory to murder, the innocent "you can trust me, I'm on your side" accomplice to a serial killer. But when he finally gets his wish, he doesn't want it. It's too real. He's the one killing innocent people now. Whereas when he was a familiar, it was just the job description.
It would make SO MUCH SENSE (at least to me) if he became an energy vampire. He's SO good at deception. He could keep his job, fooling people all day long, just feeding. Energy vampires die after 100 years and are reborn, now what if, (and I know I'm sounding like Charlie from Always Sunny here) what if Guillermo, is already an energy vampire and either doesn't know it (cause he forgot his memories when he was reborn) OR he knows but since his thing is deceiving he's feeding on everyone, including the household.
Also, no one knows how energy vampires are made, not even Colin (probs cause he got reborn and forgot but still) it would make sense for either scenario for Guillermo to have been turned from the ritual OR forgot he was an energy vampire cause this ain't his first rodeo.
I know I'm rambling, but I personally hope they go this route!
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There were several cut bits in movies (and not cut bits in some comics I believe) of people stuck in the hive, quite literally turning into hive material even. And well, Bruce fell down in the caves at one point. Who knows if maybe there's bits still in his blood, and then well, exposure to the Lazarus pits (either the one under Gotham or the LOA's or even both) could honestly cause a reaction.
Or maybe he was always a hybrid, maybe his parents couldn't have kids for some reason and either made a test tube baby with a bit of extra stuff or they found him in a pod in their yard a la Kent style.
Oh it's a good question on if the xenos are an established species. It'd be fun if they were, even if it's like, thought to be extinct or only on one or two planets heavily regulated. All the GL and aliens are definitely freaking out while Supes is just ??? He's my friend, a grumpy dude sure, but he's chill. Promised to murder me if I go evil which is great!
OH perhaps they have bands or something that forms an illusion for fully human form or something. Maybe they eventually develop the ability to fully change into a xeno, who knows lol. Gosh I love the idea of Alfred being just a normal highly competent dude scolding these very deadly creaturs about manners and them listening. Sure his son and grandchildren aren't human but that's not going to stop him.
Absolutely adore the idea of Bruce going from drone to warrior to praetorian to queen/king over time. Also love the idea of them all fucking with the goons and being terrifying.
Slowly rotating xenomorph batfam, either full blown xenomorph or similar to several experiments are some sort of xeno hybrids- probably with human but there's also been other types too.
#batman au#xenomorph#alien crossover#dc crossover#prompts#dc batman#batman#AVPxDC#AlienXDc#Alien#batfamily#human alien hybrids#batfam#dcu#dc#Alien Isolation but it's the robins training with the poor remaining goon who doesn't realize it lol#I would love to know how Clark and Bruce first met#You *know* Clark will pick Bruce up with no fear as everyone else freaks out#And the first time the JL met B#“We are leaving you're hurting his feelings >:(”#You *know* Bruce and the kids sleep in the weirdest of places#If they can cram themselves into a space they'll nap#Gosh the Watchtower is going to have to be specifically built to resist melting from acid blood just in case lol#Why do I wanna draw sleepy xeno Bruce in a baggy shirt with equally sleepy child#Omg imagine if the kids cling to his back instinctively like baby spiders#Well there's also the carrier type xenos that are pretty much runners and crushers that carry facehuggers around lol#Gosh I have so many thoughts about this as well lol#Remind me to ramble what I think everyone would be#But I do think Bruce deserves to be a winged queen eventually#Also Jason is definitely a crusher when he becomes red hood
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It's very unfair that I can't have other party members romance each other In my main game where my Tav is in a romance with Karlach I should legally be allowed to have Gale and Astarion and Shadowheart and Lae'zel romance each other like why? let me do it damn it
#it's not fair#i want everyone to be happy in their gay little relationships#(sorry Wyll but this is what you get for having straight man energy lol still love you tho~)#<I'm rescinding this tag because an anon reminded me just how fruity this man is and i'm sorry for forgetting lol#I mentioned it in my answer but I can really only see Wyll with Gale Astarion or Karlach and since Karlach is MY WIFE and I'm too deep in#the bloodweave it unfortunatly leave me with no one i feel suits Wyll#if any Wyll/Halsin shippers would like to make their case I'm here for it tho#pls convince me of these two i would love it (Wyll seemed kinda into it lol)#anyways...#Sophia talks too much#Bloodweave#Shadowzel#don't mind me rambling#just been thinking about this again#like in the baldur's gate at camp Gale and Astarion are camped practically on top of eachother and you're gonna tell me they're not in the#corner having a gay little book club????#Also i just crave the enemies to lovers that is Shadowzel lol
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also i really shouldn't have written stp because now i have a million ideas for spirit's adventures in new hyrule that I will never have time to actually write :((
#i freely admit that the whole 'spirit met jean at work' thing was an on the fly idea i didn't put much thought into#and then when i was writing stp i impulsively added that bit about jean and linebeck being family friends and you know what? that changes#things. like jean and spirit totally had to have known each other really well before they dated#and that thought has led me down a rabbit hole of thinking about who spirit dated before jean. and i know spirit was a serial dater before#jean (and would try to change his personality to make his partner like him more) but now i have a specific idea about Spirit's horrible#situationship before jean that is making me crazy (hint: spirit pulled a warriors and found someone who reminded him of warriors in the#worst way possible)#and i knew before stp that jean was a very calm person if only to highlight how over it he had to be to dump spirit after 6 months of his#bullshit BUT now that jean feels like a real character i kinda understand how much spirit would have been attracted to jean's stability#and how jean is this caring family guy and how much spirit would both want that stability for himself while feeling so insecure about#not needing to fight jean all the time or not needing to change himself to be someone jean liked that he would pick fights because#spirit is self destructive like hell and if his life and happiness is going to be destroyed no matter what he might as well do it himself#like god. goddamn.#you know the way everyone was obsessed about ickywars after i first brought it up? that's about i feel about jean and spirit#and i'm the only one who cares :)#me rambling#lu ctb
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weskennedy au where leon and wesker are at the same beach for windsurfing/kitesurfing/wingdinging idk which one yet and leon is, really bad at it.....
Wesker offers to teach him out of pity because its both entertaining and incredibly frustrating watching him try not to drown.
#ryou rambles#text post#weskennedy#leon s kennedy#albert wesker#please it would be so funny watching leon hit a wave#get some sick air and botch the landing so bad its like watching a guy hit the metal edge of a trampoline#also wesker's catsuit in re5 just reminds me of a wet suit#birkin is there but he over-confidently tries to jump a bouy#it fails and he breaks his hydrofoil#chris and wesker have a great rivalry that frankly bores everyone else#jill does long boarding and wingdinging me thinks#I'm going to be honest I don't know what the proper words for these sports are so ifykyk
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just a thought but like. if akiyama, who’s established as being a bizarrely talented investigator in y5, suspected kiryu’s death to have been faked (or at least “fishy” in his own words) basically on the fucking Spot, i feel like it just makes sense that majima would’ve been just as quick, if not quicker to see where shit wasn’t adding up and become skeptical that the whole thing was a coverup. reason being, in y5 he put shit together and figured out the grand scheme going on so damn early most people didn’t even suspect yet that there was any scheme going on. he then faked his own death well enough to get it in the papers and had masterminded himself all the way to the final boss (with some help of course) before things backfired on him. so he’s got some crazy good skills when it comes to reading people, figuring out their intentions, putting puzzle pieces together, etc– way better than he wants people knowing, generally– and he knows the hallmark signs of a faked death because he’s literally done it before. all that on top of knowing kiryu like the back of his hand and knowing damn well how hard this man is to kill, and how prone to running away from shit for the sake of the safety of people he cares about (for better or for worse) he is. he could absolutely put together that, if given the opportunity by some faction or powerful individual, kiryu would sacrifice his identity and status as a legit living person for the assured safety of others, or for yakuza tensions to diminish, or maybe even as an act of self-flagellation.
tldr: I think the reasons majima didn’t go rogue/apeshit after kiryu’s alleged death are that A) for once he has saejima around to reign him in and make it feel less like Everything has been lost, B) I think he’s legitimately known pretty much all along that kiryu didn’t die that day; nor would he believe it unless he saw it with his own eye.
#however. I also think it would clash with his tendency to be way more cynical and nihilistic than his persona makes him seem#like I do think he’d be pretty fucking sure in his gut And with his logic that kiryu wasn’t dead#but there’d be a pesky depressive part of him that’d scold him for being too idealistic or hopeful in a world that’s so fond of#torturing him. he doesn’t think himself Lucky to say the least. but if he held out hope for saejima while he was on death row for literally#years and saejima did make it back to him in one piece eventually– he’d have some ammo to reason with himself if that makes sense#that + I feel like saejima upon hearing him spiral into supposedly ‘realistic’ nihilism would Strongly reassure him#via reminding him that HE made it back to majima in the end. and that saejima himself knows from experience what a faked death feels like#and how holding onto hope Can in fact be fruitful in the end. overall a bad time for majima after kiryu’s fake death obviously but#he’d be surprisingly stable with all that going for him. makes me think he and saejima would really be the ones keeping daigo from falling#apart. considering he doesn’t have basis for the kind of hope they’re capable of having. almost everyone important to daigo dies eventually#his dad. mine right in front of him. now kiryu. boy must have abandonment issues off the damn charts.#I also like to think he hung around shinada a bit after that incident to just have Something good and pure in his life occasionally. but#he’d be cautious and occasional about it out of fear that he’d ruin shinada’s life or cause him trouble#anyway. many thoughts about all this. they didn’t dive nearly enough into the old guard characters’ reactions to kiryu’s ‘death’ so. yeah#rambling#y6#majima#kazumaji
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I have a friend whose favorite series is a•t, which, Yknow, I am trying so hard to be polite about having extremely different tastes. but I cherish & support her and when it comes to bday presents I’m either waiting for someone to express a need/want for smth during any time of the year & just buying it & going ‘happy early/late birthday’ OR I’m planning months in advance (& sometimes collaborating w/ folks) for The Perfect Present but I can never bring myself to get something I’m halfhearted on… I’ve been on & off scrolling thru mercari/ebay/amazon/aliexpress and feeling very Eh abt the quality/size/price and was almost close to just getting two small cheap but cute plushies (13 cm & 10 cm :/), then on ebay I saw smth that was 20cm (good size) and actually very cute, but it was like $50 for the plush & $20 for shipping and while I cherish my pal I am not dropping $70 on a plushie (AND ESPECIALLY NOT ON A•T MERCH). so I do a exact match search of the specific brand and find one (1) online store selling it for $20 (incl shipping) (they’re having a 20% off sale). which is suspiciously low so I made sure to look up reviews outside the site & it looks legit, so I’m gonna buy it & hope that even if it’s not legit it’ll be an acceptable quality bootleg, and if it isn’t even that then I still have a month and a half to get one of my backup plans. in a week we’ll see if I get a Perfectionism Win.
#my ramblings#NEVER COMPROMISE YOUR VISION!!!#nightmare scenario is she already has it but I’ve been to her apt and I’m sure I would’ve seen it#plus as a fan I think it’s great to have duplicates#double the cuddle and also if one gets destroyed there’s a backup#sometimes mom does take me by the shoulders and go like You Don’t Have To Buy Birthday Gifts For Everyone#but#well first of all let’s shove aside the standard blah blah it’s nice to give friends things and see them be happy#1) when a gift lands well I like being right#actually that’s it I just like being right#the other day a friend was like ‘you know how I have bipolar’ and I was like ‘huh? I didn’t actually’#and she was like ‘I think we’ve had this conversation like three times’ (sorry)#but I do remember her aesthetics and interests and the types of clothes she was browsing one time when we sat at the desk together#about two years ago when she offhandedly mentioned that she was trying to figure out lighting that would fit a bar she was asked to design#it just stuck in my head and one time I was in a place that had lighting that reminded me of what she was trying to go for#so I sent her a pic of it#anyway yeah I have a really bad memory except when I have a really good memory
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saw someone unironically saying "rhinedottir fed nigredo to durin to make nigredo grow better and stronger because durin's stomach is actually nurturing like hummus 😊😊😊" god if you're up there can you revoke this person's rights to speak about rhinedottir, or any morally questionable girlboss for that matter. if you can't accept that a lady had her son swallow her other son whole then just move onto characters who are actually nice instead of rewriting the actually not so good characters to fit your imaginary narrative better.
#rhine rambling tag#rhinedottir#i swear to god no one has it worse than rhinedottir fans we're in the FUCKING TRENCHES#if it's not people claiming rhinedottir is gonna be an eden or black swan or mobius or whatever honkai girl expy#or saying she's a descender because of that one “flower that is not of this world” line WHICH WAS DEBUNKED SINCE 2. FUCKING 3#its people doing olympics levels of mental gymnastics to convince themselves and everyone else that she's not a horrible person.#SHE IS. THAT'S LITERALLY THE WHOLE POINT#god. reminds me of an ex-friend of mine that was 100% convinced scara was a psychopath who would turn evil and sadistic after 3.3#and downright saying that the “little doll” story should have been deleted because it didn't fit THEIR interpretation of scara#that was based entirely in wishful thinking and poor misconceptions that have been cleared up PATCHES AGO.#but they just COULDN'T accept that scaramouche wasn't this inherently murderous goth sadistic mommy kinda character#and called ME and MY FRIEND *DELUSIONAL*#last time i spoke to them they said that neuvillette would never cry because he uhh didnt understand his emotions??? WHAT#THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS MAYBE IF YOU WERENT BUSY CRANKING IT TO SCARAMOUCHE IN NURSE LINGERIE YOU'D ACTUALLY KNOW WHO THE CHARACTERS **ARE**#aight that was quite the tangent#ok new tag#rhine hating
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i forgot how much i like ahasbands/redwood?? whatever. theyre so domestic they make me sick
#jasper speaks#i always call them ahasbands but i saw someone say redwood which is cute but i prefer ahasbands#anyway. i think grumbo will always be my favourite mumbo ship but the pros of being a multishipper is everyone wins#i like to think they both have little copper rings. martyn keeps his orange and mumbos goes bluegreen#martyn keeps his orange because it reminds him of the spyglasses and last life as a whole#mumbo forgot about it and it turned bluegreen over time (except he didnt actually forget about it#the bluegreen reminds him of martyns warden parts)#i also think mumbo would keep his ring like. in a chest or in a pocket#because he doesnt like how rings feel (wow wonder where he got that from) (its me)#he keeps it in his pocket unless hes in a place where he could easily drop it and not realise (such as redstone or flying long distances)#in which case he'll put it in his ender chest#i could make some angst thing about martyn thinking mumbo hates him for making his ring dirty and keeping it buried in a chest#and mumbos just totally oblivious#what the fuck is my warden martyn tag again. this counts right#warden martyn rambles#i need to stop burying all of this in tags
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(。・ω・。)ノ♡
#Alright I got tragically interrupted while watching it but I'm finally finished watching the episode!!#It's really really good both the animation and drawings are very detailed compared to the rest of the anime but...#The pace is so off :((( Like it's not the end of the world but ugh. It's unfortunate...#So many things just don't hit off as deeply because everything is moving so fast all the time and there's no time to process anything.#They won't allow you one second for the last line of a scene to sink in that the next scene's ost is already playing.#And like it's not even the worst crime an anime can commit I guess but still...#I wish they didn't. Like rather than make a 13 episodes season and squeeze the Sky Casino arc in merely two episodes it would have been–#a lot better to finish the season at the previous episode and make 12 episodes out of everything (so that everything could be better paced)#Like yeah maybe it's not the best season ending that there can be but... It's not terrible either‚ you have Atsushi saying the line–#“there's still hope” and the season ending there‚ that's pretty cool#I don't know why everyone feels like they have to rush all the time.#Guys do I have to be the one to remind you you make more money if more season come out.#Like how can the knowledge of Sigma being made by the book have any kind of impact when we've only known him for ten minutes.#Teruko's looking mad AND looking cutesy AND blowing up the landing zone didn't have the same comedic effect they did in the manga because..#It just happened all together! There's no time to process anything. Or maybe I'm just slow idk but I mean YOU GOTTA–#MAKE TIME FOR THE OPENING AND ENDING IN THE EPISODE c'mon man#Sorry I'm complaining it's actually good. I really really love Teruko & Tachihara. Jouno too!!!#I liked the Tahihara spotlight this episode... It's so cute to see what he's like when he's not acting– well‚ not completely I guess#Mmmmhhh.#Yesterday I read an interesting post on how a lot of early dc/mk wouldn't work today because the technology of the world has changed SO muc#I think a similar reflection can be made for the doa terrorist plot. Countries are pushing towards a complete digital money transition.#In 50 years or so coins may not be circulating anymore and today already the impact of this terrorist plot would be a lot smaller–#compared to when the chapters were coming out. I think#Well. Nice episode! Forward to next week! If tomorrow's manga chapter hasn't killed me before that#random rambles
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im so bad at separating the art from the artist
#it takes me MONTHS to be able to enjoy their character or the music or whatever they do instead of just seeing what they stand for#i didnt rb any gifs of noah for months and now im getting back into byler and stranger things cuz i miss it but its still so hard for me#i see him and i dont see will i see a zionist and i am just filled with disgust#his face has become a reminder for me to do my daily clicks#and yes i did just obsess over yellowjackets for like 10 months straight but a big reason why i stopped byler posting everyday is bc of him#which sucks cuz i fucking love that ship and i LOVED analyzing it#and im seeing everyone else just byler posting constantly and it makes me feel kinda crazy#like are you just mentally good at separating the art and you dont support him or are you a fucking zionist too#theres so many noah apologists in the byler fandom.....#and blogs i loved too!!!!!#gathering my clips for the s3 gifset rn thats what caused this ramble#theres a solo shot of will that i love and it would be such a good gif but i dont think ill put it in#im turning anons off for a bit#yall were fuckin mean last time i spoke about it i literally almost deactivated
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my piercing lady told me that she waits for me every thursday night (i normally come in before singing lessons which happen to be on that day) and she re-did my dermal which got torn out today. when i asked her if i need to pay she said "no!!! don't be fucking stupid!" (in a nice way) <3 and i don't have the money for it but now I'm probably getting another piercing soon just to catch up with her
#she's so cool!! her hair was all red and orange too and she reminded me of hayley williams#I'm going to have to sus out her music taste because I feel like we'd be very hayley and frank#she's lovely and i like her and I love making friends but also if she and her bf ever broke up......#mine#I'm great like that though I fall in love with anyone and everyone#i used to really dislike that about myself but now it's one of my favourite traits#sorry that I have a heart full of love to give and I see the best in people#yeah I get hurt a lot but it's so worth it#the act of loving is so rewarding in of itself it doesn't even matter if I'm loved in return#ABYWAY sorry I'm drunk rambling now but I've had a really lovely weekend#I really want a lip ring (yeah yeah frank iero icon predictability) but my boss would kill me#I think maybe a neck dermal since I have short hair??#I'll probably ask her what she thinks
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I hate linking videos for whatever reason but the submission box will only let me embed one so. Guess I'll Die. BUT ANYWAY. You can see what I'm talking about here and here (also hiiiii Nakai, Iura, and Terajima) but I think Jo should have Tsutsumi's nervous tics like rubbing his lip and blinking fast :) I think it would be cute :) moe even :) though he doesn't have much to be nervous about :) but I mean once in a blue moon y'know :) OK that's all bye
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OH BUT WAAAAAIT WAVELENGTH i always did imagine jo having a nervous-blinking type of tendency i am AHEAD of you brother (╯▽╰ )(╯▽╰ )
#snap chats#i also imagine jo wets his lip a lot but i think that ones projection. tbh so is the blinking bit#a lot of how my brain perceives/portrays jo is projection tbh but THAT ASIDE#when i get nervous- aside from fidgeting and scratching myself- i blink a lot and lick my lips a lot#BUT I WAS ON TRACK I WAS ON TO SOMETHING......#aka it WOULD be cute it WOULD be moe and im reminded of a thing i accidentally wanted to draw but NAY#ill save that for another time... for now thank you for the tsutsumi clips... hes so cute in the pure interview help (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)#unrelated ramble time. tag's a diary we know the rules#its my eldest sister's birthday today but she's in thailand celebrating her honeymoon#woldnt really matter since we never celebrate her birthday as a family but i just think its funny everyone bar my dad and i are born in jul#(tsutsumi's birthday is the 7th too isnt it... and satoshi tokushige has the same bday as my 2nd older sister..#the fuck is with everyone being born in july we GET IT ANYWAY)#my bro's birthday is tomorrow but he wants to celebrate it with my mom too and I Cant Do That SOOOO#i just got us lunch for today since im just gonna hide at the mall all day tomorrow. prob get him an Im Sorry/Happy Birthday gift too#BUUUUT FOR TODAY we went to some cajun chicken place/liquor store/some other shit it was onea them 3-in-1 bitches#(i also got us ice cream but whatever. small detail. except he got an icee so it kept DRIPPING ON ME in the CAR WHATEVER#the things we do for the fam when we have to ditch them on their birthday its what i deserve (╯x╰ ;;;;) )#and MAAAAAN this chicken's good.... i didnt think id get any good chicken like this where i live but EPIC#THEY ALSO HAD MY FAVE SOJU BRAND. ANOTHER THING I DIDNT EXPECT#highkey its my fave cause... Big Surprise my dad used to get me it all the time. was that responsible of him Prob Not but anyway#epic day for me.... ok thats enough of my rambling BYE BYE BYE#ima work on the One (1) comm i gotta do and then uhhh i sholud PRROOBBB redo my comm sheet but ill do that at the mall#i dont need to be seen drawing middle aged yuri in public ☠️☠️#ok bye bye ima eat this chicken
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#okay so I’ve finished my gg rewatch (absolutely flew through it) so many thoughts#I first started watching whilst s6 aired so I reckon I was like 13 or so? and I’ve rewatched a couple times since but it’s been a while#I didn’t realise how much my opinions on it would change so excuse the rambling#I remember hating jenny/vanessa/ivy as characters and honestly this time around I didn’t really ‘hate’ anyone#I thought all the characters were pretty insufferable at points and unlikeable in certain storylines and what not#the only characters I properly hated were william and bart just because they had no redeeming qualities whatsoever#don’t even get me STARTED on the finale lol#chuck and blair really were the only couple who seemed to have a ending deserving of their arc#although rewatching it I actually didn’t mind dan and blair at all so I really wouldn’t have minded who she ended up with but chuck is the#logical choice as their stories always came back to each other#I will die on the hill that says it should have been rufly and serenate#I think everyone agrees that derena s1 was adorable and they worked but once they broke up idk they wrapped it up nicely and left them open#to continue to grow by themselves/with others#them ending up together felt forced rushed and unnecessary#I really disliked teen blair (lol don’t crucify me)#she clearly had issues and what not but I’d forgotten just how bad the bitchiness was#idk maybe it just reminds me of too many people I knew in school and was uncomfy to watch at times#I think lily might be my fave character?#I never thought I’d say that but she bought just the right amount of bitch class and entertainment#and I hate how much they butchered her character in late s5/6#the CHOICES she made were incorrect#she never would’ve picked bart over rufus (she was legit ending her marriage to bart in s2 to be with rufus?)#the only way she would’ve would’ve been to spite rufus but for her to bart first over chuck? absolutely not#and to insinuate she ended up with WILLIAM?! a travesty x#s6 serena was also not it (don’t get me started on the sex tape)#I forgot how much of a player nate was too haha#but yes many thoughts and feelings but was good fun and I’d forgot just how easy a watch it was#okay ramble over love y’all
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i went through old photo books tonight and i have thoughts i need to get out but no one to share them with so im putting them here
#kylie rambles#it’s genuinely so hard to see old family photos of my dad and watch how he slowly starts to disappear from them#until he’s just not there entirely#and i respect his reasons for cutting his family off but it hurts that i have so little memories of them#and it makes me so sad to see my grandma battling cancer in these photos#and looking at photos of both sets of grandparents i’m always reminded how much they loved each other#like there’s a lot i wouldn’t take away from their relationships#but i just hope that i find someone who just loves me and genuinely enjoys me#and really is just my best friend#and i hope i make my grandma ellen proud#though i know im a lot of what she would hate#even though everyone always talks about how she wasn’t a hateful person#and it’s so hard to see photos of little me#because of how much self hatred i developed at a young age#when i was seven and realized my arms didn’t look like other girls#or when i was in middle school and i knew i wasn’t skinny like the other girls#because maybe i’m still not very confident in who i am#but it hurts to know i was so young when that started#because little me didn’t deserve that#she deserved to play four square and go to english class and not think about boys running away from her#or calling her a monkey cause she had armpit hair#cause her mom thought she was too young to shave#idk shit just hurts#and sometimes i don’t know that it ever stopped hurting
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I'm back at it again, unfortunately
#jay jabbers#why does she always have to tell me his girlfriend looks like me. WHY#ive never seen her or met her but apparently EVERYONE thinks she looks like me and is some kind of substitute for me#TRUTH BE TOLD im right fucking here!!!!!!#yes I'm obsessed with him yes im in love with him#yes i know he doesnt like me back yes it is shattering me from the inside out yes i can feel myself slowly dying#yes i am aware that finding out he has a girlfriend was the beginning of a downward spiral over the summer that led me to be more depressed#than ive been in a Fucking While#i know we would never work i know we're too different but i would so desperately want us to work if it ever came to that#but i know it would never fucking happen#but#theres so much that SHE has fhat i dont#im disabled shes not im ugly shes not im fucking crippled for life shes not#im depressed anxious ocd shes not#shes skinny im not#were both from mexico apparently we fucking look alike byt shes smart and she doesnt have the fucking range of issues i have#ive told him far too much about whats wrong with me which. is another reason we could never work#she probably doesn't have anything wrong with her and if she does then shes never told him like i have#and of course the big one i give off a distinct air of queerness and most people think im a lesbian#i want to transition and get top surgery and a hysterectomy and be a handsome man named jared#i want a fucking beard and short hair and to be me and GAY!!!!!#meanwhile shes a fucken girl and he would never go for fucking some half baked wanna be fag#idfk. im tired and i like him and he doesnt like me back and i dont wsnt to be reminded of it#jay rambles
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