#RM relationships

[wangramen]

🚨 The Wildest Fan Theory About BTS RM’s Relationship Status After Recent Instagram Activity 🚨

Fans are abuzz with speculation following BTS RM's recent Instagram activity. After archiving most of his posts, RM has now seemingly restored them all, much to the delight of his followers. However, this move has sparked some intriguing theories about his personal life.

Recently, RM celebrated his 30th birthday and shared a photo with a man covered by a ghost emoji. This man, often covered by an emoji in previous posts, had been the subject of speculation regarding their relationship status. Some ARMYs are now speculating that RM may have rekindled a relationship with this person, especially after his last two solo albums, which some interpreted as having breakup themes.

While these theories are gaining traction, it’s important to note that RM has previously unarchived his posts and has never publicly commented on his relationship status. As always, RM's private life is his own, and fans should respect his privacy unless he chooses to share more.

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Stay tuned for more updates and enjoy your ramen! 🍜✨

[rotting-bitch]

try to be gentle while tearing me apart

[lostmf]

[yankpop]

Yandere BTS: You want to become an idol - Hyung Line

DISCLAIMER: This is a FICTION work only made for entertainment purposes that includes yandere/dark. I do not support or encourage any type of abusive behaviour. 

Check more: Masterlist.

Female reader

WARNINGS: Toxic/Unhealthy Relations; Emotional manipulation. 

AN: Hope you guys like it 💖 Let me know!

--

Jin

The table is awfully quiet, only the sounds of the plates and the cutlery being heard as you and Jin eat dinner in complete silence. 

You don’t dare to pronounce a single word, too intimidated by Jin’s cold aura.

He hasn’t even properly looked at you ever since you happily revealed to him that you got casted  in the street by a random lady to become a trainee. 

When he starts eating dessert, that’s when you finally build the courage to talk. 

“Jin, I really want to try this.” your voice is barely above a whisper, but it’s still heard by Jin, who flashes you an icy glance. 

“And I really don’t want you to. That simple.” he shortly says, his attention back to the food.

The uncomfortable knot in your stomach tightens, you’re not used to fighting back Jin. He’s the one who usually makes all the decisions and you obediently follow him, trusting his judgment. 

This time, you’re risking into unknown territory all for  a mere desire to be a trainee. 

“I just want to try it, maybe I could like it, you know?” you tentatively try.

Jin’s hand flexes hard around the fork, before he pushes the plate away.  

“We had a plan, Y/N, didn’t we? I'll work and make the money while you take care of the house.” he sharply reminds you. You open your mouth to say something but Jin notices it and puts his index finger in front of his lips, indicating you to stay silent. 

“We are going to get married. We are going to have kids and you are going to stay home to take care of them. This is what we agreed on, isn’t it? And now you want to change our perfect plans because of a selfish whim of yours.” he says, livid with cold anger as he crosses his arms in his chest.

“If I wanted to be with someone who’s unreliable, then I’d be with another girl. I’m dating you cause I thought I could trust you. Maybe I was wrong.” his eyes send daggers your way and you bite your lip, suddenly feeling guilty for almost ruining your future plans together.

Jin often talked about them with so much love and passion that you couldn’t stop yourself from agreeing with whatever he said. And now you can’t break his dreams because of something that may not work.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you weakly nod.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’ll back down from it.” 

Words never sounded so good to Jin.  

Suga

You excitedly watch as Yoongi opens the box. You want him to be the first person to find out that you got casted by one of the Big 3 for a 6-month trainee contract. 

But you clearly weren’t expecting his face to turn completely sour, the realization hitting him as his eyes run over the written contract.

He pushes the papers away, giving you a serious look.

“What’s this shit? Are you really considering going through with this? Without even talking to me?” he throws, raising his eyebrows. 

“Hum? W-What do you mean?” you confusedly stutter and then stop, too intimidated by the strict gaze Yoongi gives you.

He stands up and starts pacing around the living room.

“Then you thought completely wrong. Fuck, what did I tell you about making decisions on your own? Stop using your brain and leave the important stuff up to me since you obviously don’t know anything about this.” he furiously snaps, giving you an angry look that makes you shrink back into the couch. 

He grabs back the contract papers and gives them a quick verification. 

“At least you didn’t sign it. You’re not completely dumb, after all.” he sighs. “Where’s your phone?”

You raise your head, confusedly looking at him. Yoongi loses his patience and snaps his fingers in front of your face. 

“Your phone, now!” the small shake he gives you is enough to wake you from your lethargy and you immediately hand him your phone.

He practically snatches it from your hold, dialing the number he finds on the contract papers.

“Hello? This is Yoongi, Y/N’s boyfriend. Yes, about the trainee thing…,” Yoongi pauses, giving you a dirty look, “... actually she’s unable to do so because of some personal incompatibilities. Sorry for wasting your time. Bye.”

He hangs up the call before the other person can even reply. You can’t even utter a single word from how embarrassed you are.

You hold out your hand to receive your phone back but Yoongi ignores you and puts the device in his back pocket.

“Since you pulled so much trouble, you don’t deserve to have your phone back until you start behaving accordingly.” 

J-Hope

Hoseok forces back a witty smile as he tries to console you. It does create a bit of a turmoil in his heart to see you so shaken up, practically traumatized, but it’s all for a good cause.

He puts his hand on top of yours, faking a concerned expression, like a good boyfriend would. 

“And you’re sure you found it in the manager’s bag?” he asks again, like he was trying to understand it. 

You shakily nod, a shiver making your body tremble. 

“I- Yes, I’m sure of it. My lost panties were literally in his bag.” you sniff, shaking your head.

“I just can’t believe my manager would steal my panties! God, Hoseok, I really thought he was a good person, he never acted weird around me or anything so I don’t understand why..” You trail off, too shaken up to continue as Hoseok involves your shoulders with his arm. 

“That’s really awful. Disgusting. And…” he strategically pauses, waiting for you to ask him.

A second later you look at him, taking in his worried expression.

“What is it, Hoseok ?” 

He shrugs off his shoulders, pretending to be confused.

“I just… I mean, who tells you that he’s going to stop there, you know. He’s the manager while you’re just a trainee. Who knows if he doesn’t get bold with his actions and instead of just stealing panties he doesn't… you know.” 

Hoseok is clever enough to not finish the sentence, leaving the implicit meaning of his words hanging in the air.

Needless to say that you quickly drop the idea of pursuing an idol career. 

RM

“Again.” 

Your heart drops at the sound of that word. You’re sick and tired of it. Your muscles are completely sore, the white top you’re wearing drenched in sweat.

The result of practicing the exact same choreography for hours and hours to no end. 

“But I did everything right this time!” you try to argue only to be shut down by your boyfriend, who gives you a stern look.

“No, that’s what you think. I’ve been training and performing for years so trust me when I say this is far from perfect. No one will debut you if you keep up this poor excuse of dancing.”

The words are crude and they hit you in the wrong spot. 

Tears start rising to your eyes and your shoulders slump forward with defeat. 

Namjoon notices the impact of his words, his expression immediately softening as he comes forwards to embrace you. 

“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that, you know that. It’s just…. you asked me to help you practice and no matter how demanding you think i’m being right now, the truth is I’m nothing compared to professional choreographers level. They are going to be even more strict.” he tries explaining, offering you a bottle of water.

Drinking a greedy sip of water, you feel your whole body in fire, unable to do anything else. 

It’s too much for you. You can’t do it.

“Namjoon… don’t think I want to do this anymore.” you slowly whisper, your face falling into your hands in defeat. “I can’t be an idol.”

“It’s okay, babe. It’s fine, really. Hey, look at me.” he gently grasps your hands away from your face, and you look at him with a miserably sad expression.

“Everyone has their own calling in life and maybe being an idol isn’t for you. It’s for the best, I’m sure of it.” 

His words do little to console you and he still hugs you, even with your sweaty clothes. 

Hiding his face in the crook of your neck, Namjoon hides a relieved sigh.

He was never gonna allow you to become an idol and now that you rejected an idol career, he was off the hook. 

-> Maknae Line

[ejdying]

[solitunedanddespair]

[usefulquotes7]

be busy. busy not checking messages. busy reading those books you never started or finished. busy having a good night of sleep. busy taking care of yourself and your skin. busy moving your body. busy helping your community. busy reflecting on your life and what you can improve. busy doing things aside from the capitalistic viewpoint of “productivity.” busy slowing down.

[evillemons]

WHAT SEX WITH NAMJOON WOULD BE LIKE (RM pt. 3)

~ everyone’s favorite part. based on the character as described in part 1 and part 2. Masterlist here.

*NSFW CONTENT*

• When Joon is in a horny mood, oof, prepare to be destroyed. His eyes darken, expression turning into pure lust; he knows how to tease her to the point where she is begging for him. He thrives on that shit; giving her little hints of pleasure, but without fully satisfying until she is desperate.

• His kisses would be deep and passionate. She would already be dripping wet before any touching.

• Would subtly tease her, like kiss her neck or whisper dirty things in her ear in public (when no one is watching of course). Loves to see her riled up and weak in the knees.

• He wouldn’t just tease though, I really think he would know how to please a woman well when it came down to it.

• A lot of people type him as dominant in bed, and I sort of agree. I see him as a soft dom, complimenting her and wanting to make her feel sexy and powerful. He would love to please her and would sometimes make sex long and drawn out.

• There is no doubt in my mind that Kim Namjoon has a big dick.

• His thrusts are strong and hard. He's a big boy with a lot of strength (those baepsae hip thrusts...).

• We all know he would love her on top, riding him (that man is obsessed with riding). Watching her use him to please herself would drive him mad. He would worship a woman’s body.

• Because he has a tendency to get sentimental, I think he would like more intimate positions like missionary, too, where he can be slow and show her how much he loves her.

• King of dirty talk and praise in that deep fucking voice.

• “You like that, baby?” “You’re so fucking sexy.” “Good girl.” “Ride me, baby.”

• Namjoon would be fucking loud in bed, unable to control his grunts. Probably louder than her.

• He’s probably very good at oral, second best to Yoongi. He would pin her hips down so he was in complete control of her, refusing to stop until she orgasms.

• She might enjoy thigh riding or light spanking if she’s feeling really horny (she probably has a secret kink for his thighs, although I may be projecting here).

• They also might like to incorporate toys into the bedroom. A couples vibrator would be super hot.

• He would become completely useless during blowjobs, being so enveloped in the pleasure but avoiding touching her or moving too much as to not accidentally hurt her.

• Would love to cum on her body, especially her stomach and pussy after missionary.

• He can be a little clumsy at times, underestimating his size and strength - he’s like one of those giant dogs who thinks they’re a tiny lap dog.

• He might get carried away sometimes and be over-indulgent or accidentally rough. He would feel awful if he accidentally hurt her, though, and would make sure she’s ok and provide a lot of love afterwards.

• She would wear one of his giant t-shirts after sex, and he would find it so endearing. They would cuddle and watch TV until they fall asleep.

[abloomingperiod]

cute | kim namjoon

"i needa ask for a favor", your head pokes from the corner of the bathroom door, your voice catching namjoon's attention and those 6 words being enough for him to subtly close his book without even marking the page he was in - to which you notice with a small side grin.

always looking out for you.

"yes?" he mentions for you to go on, side grin slowly appearing as he refrains from resting his back against de bedframe and sits on the edge of the bed.

"you can't judge me and if you do i'll take it to heart and force myself out of love for you", you words get all mixed with the quick pace they leave your mouth, namjoon chuckling at your frantic state. cute, he thinks to himself.

"not really my style. continue?", he smiles at you, though you don't miss the small raise of his eyebrow.

you sigh making your way closer to him. tempting ass smile, you think to yourself. "my back's been killing me due to my office chair..." you recall as you touch you lower back, immediately feeling the sting that lingers since your old-ass chair broke while you were sat on it. you blame your pain on it, even though your little to nonexistent stretching and exercising routine doesn't really help your case.

"hum..." namjoon only nods, and your hand find his hair, softly going through his locks and pulling a deep sigh from him as he closes his eyes.

"and there's a few things i've been finding impossible to do without feeling an awful pang in it..." you stall with your words as namjoon's hand travel to your thigh, softly pulling your body closer until his cheek rests on your stomach, sharp-shaped eyes still closed.

"poor baby..." he mumbles, soft chuckle leaving his throat and fingers caressing the back of your knee. you don't say a thing, so he opens his eyes and gazes up at you. "want me to take you to the hospital?" he asks in a more caring tone.

"no, it's okay. i'm already taking the medicine provided by the company nursery." you respond with a side grin at his attentive question. "but i do need a little help..." you trail off, and namjoon notices.

"and that would be..." he encourages you, eyes still dancing around you face. cute, he thinks to himself.

you sigh, looking everywhere but his face and quietly says, "...i need help shaving."

namjoon knows his girlfriend. he knows your lips are always bruised due to constant anxiety-induced pulling. he knows you get easily in your head with your own uncertainties, and he knows you've got a few pet peeves he has to hold back from frowning when you expose them.

and right now, he fails at the latter - to which he'll scold himself in his head for, later.

eyebrows frowned, nose scrunched-up and teeth-showing smile takes place on his face as a light chuckle leaves his throat.

"that's- that's it?" he asks, hand frozen in the back of your knee. you nod, already narrowing your eyes at his building reaction.

"jesus, woman", namjoons exhales, face burying into your clothed belly and warming a spot with his giggles. "i was almost thinking you wanted help burying a corpse or something."

you raise and eyebrow at him, slightly judging his response. "why, you wouldn't help?”

"i'd have two shovels by now" he says in a mocking serious tone, gazing up. you fight against the curling up pulling in the side of your lips. "baby, why would you act like that for such a thing?"

"i don't know- don't look at me like i'm from the victorian era or something. it's just not something i would ask anyone."

"am i anyone?" he asks, chin up and eyebrows expectantly raised as his two hands caresses the back of your knees.

"...no..."

"thought so" he answers matter-of-factly, "sure, why not."

"really?" you ask him, and although namjoon loves your dearly, he feels the need to blink once, twice, thrice at you hoping you would remember what he just said mere seconds ago. so cute, he thinks.

"sweetheart", he starts, smile already showing at his lips and right hand drawing patterns on your left one "i would shave your whole head off with a tiny little razor if you asked me to."

you scrunch you whole face at his somewhat adorable example, and slowly fades into a whipped, smiling expression. "would ya?"

"in a heartbeat." he shoots you a cheeky wink, lips against your knuckles.

"okay, then..." you tell him, taking both his cheeks into your palms and drawing circles in its puffy skin.

"wanna do it now?" he asks you.

"you seem very willing to do it", you point out, amused at his questioning.

"well... i will get to see you naked..."

you scoff loudly at him. unbelievable, you think to yourself as you retort, "to SHAVE me!"

"a win is a win, baby" he dramatically objects in a low tone, causing you to cringe and thrash in his hold.

"oh god, please shut up" you plead.

"i'm just messing with you, baby" namjoon softly tells you, face burying in your tummy and nibbling cautiously at it. "now?"

you nod at him, small 'uhum' enough to make him motion you to the side and get on his feet.

"c'mon, my girlfriend with the back of a granny needs me" his arms find your waist, motioning both of you to the bathroom.

you slap his forearm lightly, a giggly 'very funny' leaving your lips. you roll your eyes, but don't even try and hide the smile that spread across your face. your chest blossoming from every word, touch and smile he gives you throughout the mundane nature of the moment.

as you enter the bathroom, namjoon can't help but catch your figures in the mirror. both of you smiling, your face once turned to his, finds the reflection and watches him. smile wide and hair slightly damp in the ends, probably from an early attempt to shave by yourself. you got a white tank top and pink pajama shorts on. doe eyes watch him and he grins at you. embrace tightening around your waist and lips leaving kiss after kiss over your cheek, neck and shoulders. you giggle and shiver at his touches, and namjoon feels his heart stumbling all over the damn floor.

his eyes find yours again, and his smile mirrors your wide one. "so damn cute", he says more to himself than you, but he catches your scrunched nose and big grin at his remark.

so much from the cutest human alive.

[daechwitatamic]

Shut Up! || A KNJ Drabble

(banner by @itaeewon - thank you jen, especially for the super fast turn-around!!)

Title: Shut Up!

Summary: Once Namjoon’s on a roll about something, there’s really only one sure-fire way to shut him up. Ironically, it isn’t his mouth that needs to be full.

Pairing: Namjoon x reader (no gender mentioned) Genre: NSFW - minors begone!!!!, pwp (who tf am i omg), married!au WC: 1.4k Warnings: language, kissing, oral (m. receiving), maybe a lil dumbification im not actually sure, bodily fluids very present, i guess reader is a bit dom? 

A/N: I DON’T KNOW WHO WROTE THIS, I WAS POSSESSED, THERE IS NO JO HERE. 🙈 

Also, this is ENTIRELY @here2bbtstrash’s fault, or at least this anon’s fault!!!!

Thank you @kookstempo for the beta job!!!!! 🦃 💕💕💕💕

“Oh my god,” you lament, throwing your head back into the plush couch behind it, eyes rolling back, breath escaping you in one short huff. And not even for the good reasons. 

Though… there’s an idea.

“What?” Your husband looks at you innocently, eyes a little wide at your uncharacteristic outburst. “What’s wrong?”

“I love you,” you say, fighting back a smile. His eyebrows raise a little; you’ve been together long enough that he knows this must be coming first to soften a blow. “I love hearing your thoughts. I love that we can share our thoughts with each other.”

“But?” he chimes in intuitively, chin starting to jut, anticipating defensiveness.

You gesture at the tv a little wildly. “But we paused the episode because you had something to say about it forty-two minutes ago. I timed it!”

He blinks at you, like this cannot possibly be true. 

“Okay,” he says slowly, “but the thing is–”

“No!” you cry, tossing the remote onto the coffee table and sitting up to look at him. You have officially hit your breaking point. “Namjoon, no! Please - let me put the show back on.”

“Okay,” he repeats, “but -”

“No!” you shriek, and then you scramble up his tree of a body and press your nose to his, bumping his glasses so they’re slightly askew. Against his lips, you whisper, “Shut up, shut up, for the love of God, shut up.”

His hands come and rest low on your hips, practically on your ass, and he gives your nose a little nudge with his own, his lips pressing to yours - not so much a kiss as a fumble. 

“It’s just that -” he mumbles against your mouth, and you know - you know - he’s fucking with you on purpose, now. He’s hard beneath you already; he knows as well as you do what you’re planning.

“Shut up,” you tell him again, kissing him in earnest this time, your fingers going for the hem of his t-shirt. He takes off his glasses and tosses them blindly towards the coffee table, then lifts his arms so you can pull the fabric around his head. 

You go for his joggers next, and he lifts up eagerly as you slide them and his boxers down in one go. He kicks the black material free from his ankles and spreads his legs a little without you even telling him to, knowing exactly what’s coming.

Five years of marriage will do that; he knows the steps of this dance well, just like you know that the second your mouth is around him, you’re only getting one syllable words out of him until it’s done. It’s the only truly effective way to shut this man up.

You slide your hands up the insides of his thighs, pressing your nails in just a bit as you do. Namjoon hisses, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. You reach for the base of him, purposely brushing your fingertips along his balls on their way by, just lightly enough to leave a tingle, to make him shiver. 

You pump him once, twice, as you settle on your stomach between his legs, and glance up to see how he’s doing. He’s looking down at you, those eyes dark and glinting sharply, and he brushes one hand over the top of your head as he exhales, waiting. 

He doesn’t say a word. What a good boy. 

You lick thick stripes from the base, stopping before the head each time - just to tease him. Just to build it up. He grunts each time you stop short, but when you pump him again - now slicked with spit - he sighs in relief, letting out a wispy, “God, yeah,” on a breath.

You reward him by wrapping your lips around his tip, tonguing his slit for the barest second before sliding further down his shaft, your hand working the part you haven’t reached just yet. 

In all honesty, sloppy blowjobs aren’t usually your thing. You love to go down on Namjoon, love to hear what sounds you can pull from him, love to watch his eyebrows furrow and his adam’s apple bob. But messy, not usually. Special occasions only. 

Tonight feels special. Tonight you have a goal. You want to render this genius man absolutely stupid. You want him to be devoid of any words that aren’t your own name.

You work both hand and mouth over him, the glide smooth as you let spit past your lips on each pass. 

“Fuck,” Namjoon gasps as you tongue the underside of his cock on a downward pass.

You hum happily, setting a steady rhythm, hollowing your cheeks and swallowing him down just a bit more each time. When your lips’ seal around him breaks, releasing a wet, sloppy slurping noise through the otherwise quiet room, Namjoon groans above you. 

“God,” he utters again, his voice so low you feel it in your toes, and you lift your eyes to take him in. His chest is flushed dark, heaving. The fingers of one hand twist in the throw blanket on the arm of the couch behind him, the other hovers near you, like he wants to touch but doesn’t want to break the spell. 

You relax your jaw and take him down as far as you can, using both hands to hold his trembling thighs in place as you bring your nose closer and closer to his stomach. Once you’ve taken him as far as you’re able, you hold him there, your throat spasming around him. He whines, which almost makes you laugh, so you release him with a messy pop, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. 

“Shit, shit,” he gasps, the muscles in his stomach rippling beautifully. You take him in your hand again as you catch your breath, let your throat recover for a second. 

You smile deviously, and purr, “Not so much to say now, hmm?”

His eyes fly open, disbelieving, his mouth falling open to gasp his next breath. His eyes flutter closed again as you continue to glide your hand from base to tip and back, and he shakes his head weakly, voice broken as he manages, “N-no. Fuck.”

You take him in your mouth again, hand keeping a steady but lazy rhythm at the base, reveling in the noises that drip from his mouth - desperate pants punctuated sharply by deep grunts as he fights to control himself, the curses he mumbles, barely audible, sharp consonants tripping out of his mouth as his abs flex in time with your movements.

You know he’s close when he starts bucking minutely into the heat of your mouth, staccato grunts morphing into long, legato groans. This is one of your favorite iterations of your husband - fucked out, eyes squeezed shut, sweat rolling from his brow into his dampened hairline, his brain finally silenced as he chases the feeling, chases his high. 

His hand comes to your head, fingers tangling in your hair as he moans wordlessly. You take the warning seriously, popping off his tip and speeding up your hand as his feet press into the couch desperately, hips bucking just a little. You’re sure he’d rather come in your mouth, but you’re feeling selfish tonight. You want to see what he gives you.

His moan warbles, volume increasing as his hand tightens in your hair, and then he’s releasing rope after rope of cum; most of it lands on the flat of his stomach, but the last bit dribbles down the side of his softening cock, running over your fingers. Your slow your hand, watching his face carefully, until you can tell he’s spent. 

You give a self-satisfied hum, sitting back on your haunches to admire your handiwork. He opens one eye blearily, a smile coming over his face. 

“Okay,” he breathes, laughing a little. “I’m done talking now.”

eeeeeeep!!!! hope you enjoyed thank you for reading!!!!!

[spiralizera]

Mistranslations

Pair: Namjoon/reader (English/anglophone)

Summary: You get into a fight with Yoongi over speaking English and not Korean.

Tags: Hurt/comfort; angst; protective Namjoon; angry Namjoon; soft so soft Namjoon; besties Namjoon and Yoongi

Warnings: xenophobia, mentions of racism [writer is white take that as you will], severe panic attacks, depression, non verbal coping mechanisms, use of the word ‘waegukin’ [I know it’s not a racial slur in the same way we understand racial slurs in the west, I mention that in the fic], chats about eurocentrism and colonialism [lol]

Notes: this is the first fanfic I’ve ever written, v spontaneous, possibly due to sun exposure, it’s like 29C rn, inspired by the gorgeous work of @dreamescapeswriting

You were waiting in the dressing room for the boys to finish their set. You’d been working in Gwanju and Namjoon had insisted that you come see him in Busan. The crowd had been insane and quite quickly you’d retreated backstage, overwhelmed. The English translator, now almost permanently on staff for unexpected interviews or even just preliminary prep on translation before content was churned out for online consumption, came and sat with you. She’d been working on her cultural knowledge of English recently and you quite quickly descended into a deep conversation about the politics of Eurovision. You were happy to help, she’d been a saint over these last few months, helping you with Korean.

Just as you were explaining the running joke that is the U.K. and the ‘nil point’ streak, Yoongi and Jungkook burst into the room on a performance high. Jungkook was giggly and jokingly collapsed into your back while Yoongi grabbed some water. They were mid conversation, their breath labouring, rushed and hard to hear. JK turned around and asked you something and since you were just talking to Seo in English, your brain couldn’t quite register what Jungkook was asking. He asked again, gesturing his hands towards the table, too tired to form full sentences. You turned to where he gestured and before you could fully kick your brain back into Korean and ask him to repeat it again, Yoongi scoffed something under his breath.

You paused, unsure if you’d misheard.

‘Sorry?’ You turned to Yoongi, asking in Korean as your brain played catch up with the chaos slowly pouring in from the stage.

Yoongi ignored you and started speaking to Jungkook. Jungkook laughed and pushed lightly off you, grabbing a bottle of water. You were close with the guys, it was easy. They had such a close and intense bond, it was impossible to be intimate with one without becoming close with the others. The only one who’d always remained at a distance from you was Yoongi. He sometimes pretended to exchange pleasantries, but largely kept himself a distance from you. He never spoke in English to you, he never tried to include you. You knew he spoke far better English than most of the boys, except for Namjoon of course. But he only spoke Korean around you. ‘Around’ was the correct word, never at you or with you, just around you, like you were an unfortunately placed pillar obstructing conversation. You largely ignored him, ignored the sick feeling in your stomach whenever he was in the room. It was natural to not click with everybody. Healthy in fact. These were Namjoon’s friends, not yours after all.

You heard the word again. You’d definitely not misheard this time.

‘Hey,’ you stood up, walking over to Yoongi. The boys turned around, jungkook slightly startled by the raise in your voice. ‘What did you call me?’

Yoongi looked at you deadpan. You were the same height and his eyes bore unflinchingly into yours. ‘I said,’ his English was slow like he was speaking to a child, ‘fucking waegukin.’

You stepped back, slightly stunned. It wasn’t a bad word, you knew that, it was a fact, you knew that. People referred to you as one all the time, it was fine, it was-

‘Everywhere we go it’s ‘speak English this’, ‘speak English that’, why don’t you fucking speak Korean? Why do we have to always accommodate you monolingual fucks? The level of entitlement, you come here expecting everything to be handed to you on a fucking plate. We just gave everything out there, Namjoon killed it and you’re in here demanding everyone speak to you in English, wasting the time of our translator, and not even come out and watch us. Namjoon gives you everything, what do you give him? That’s all westerners do, they take and take and demand we meet their standards, demand we make them comfortable. Would you even like Namjoon if he wasn’t an idol? Would you even like him if he couldn’t speak English? He gives so much of himself, so much energy translating and managing interviews and making sure we come across the right way to you westerners. Now he has to come home to you and your English face and your English language. Give him a fucking break. What can you give him, fucking waegukin?’

Yoongi had been getting closer and closer to you, Jungkook had tried grab his shoulder, to interrupt him but he’d shrugged him off. He’d seen red and couldn’t stop. You were just as stunned. You’d almost zoned out after a minute, watching the scene from another corner, alongside the stunned crew. In theory you knew that Yoongi was tired, that this was about something else, something bigger than you. He was right you hadn’t seen the majority of the concert, maybe something had happened onstage. There’d be a simple explanation, you knew that. You knew that. But your heart was in your throat, you couldn’t speak, you couldn’t breathe. Every insecurity, every worry that had been simmering underneath your skin since you started dating Joon, that Joon had always dismissed and told you not to worry about, was now echoing about the room in one awful silence.

It felt like an eternity had passed.

‘Y/N-‘ Jungkook broke the spell, but you were faster. You didn’t even grab your things, you just needed to leave as quickly as humanly possible. You ran out the room, heading towards the cars, asking the nearest taxi to please drive, before you could see the way Yoongi’s eyes slowly cleared, the realisation that he’d truly fucked up dawning on his face.

——————————————-———————-

14 missed calls. 8 from Joon. 4 from Jungkook. 2 from Seo. You didn’t dare look at the messages that had been solidly lighting up your phone for the past hour. You just needed to get out. You needed to get out right now. You were shoving clothes into your suitcase. You’d catch a train to Gwanju, or maybe a plane would be easier, would there be any planes this late at night? Maybe the train then, or a hire car, but you weren’t really in any state to drive- Maybe you should just cut out the middle man and go straight to Seoul. You had friends there, friends from home who’d grown up split between Korea and Europe. But you didn’t want to worry then. You didn’t want them to know that this kind of relationship couldn’t work. That you were repeating the same mistakes that their parents had made, that maybe the cultural gap was too big. You didn’t want to cause them pain, you were causing everyone so much-

There was a knock at the door. You froze. Shit. You briefly debated scaling the fire escape, but thankfully dropped that idea. Maybe if you just stayed quiet, whoever it was, would go away. Maybe they’d leave you alone. Maybe you’d still be able to escape. You couldn’t be here. You couldn’t do this. You needed to leave right now. Right fucking now.

‘Y/N please,’ it was Namjoon. ‘Please open the door. It’s just me. Please I need to know that you’re ok.’

You softened slightly, your body couldn’t help but respond to his voice. But then your brain kicked into gear again. English, he was speaking in English. He was accommodating you, yet again, he had just finished a concert and he was probably exhausted and he had to deal with you, Yoongi’s words bouncing around your head. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t breath. You couldn’t-

You heard some soft swearing behind the door. ‘Ok I’m coming in Y/N,’ Namjoon slowly entered the room. He had an idea about what had happened, he’d seen you react like this before, he was just glad you were still at the hotel. He walked slowly towards you, arms outstretched like he was approaching a stray. He’d made sure to get rid of every single bit of his anger before coming to find you. He’d ripped into Yoongi and Yoongi had taken it, stood there limply and said nothing. Still high from the stage, he would’ve punched him if it hadn’t been for Jin and Jungkook holding him back. He’d forced himself to calm down before going to find you, he knew he it couldn’t come near you in this state.

He’d phoned the hotel to check you were there before sending Hobi ahead with explicit instructions to not to knock but just make sure that your hotel room light was still on and let him know if you left.

‘It’s ok baby,’ he almost whispered. ‘It’s ok, it’s ok,’ he softly repeated until he was close enough to envelop you in a hug. You initially resisted before allowing yourself to break down and cry. Namjoon held the back of your head to the crook of his neck, kissing the top of your head as he continued to repeat the mantra. Your legs started to go and he swiftly carried you to the bed. He didn’t let you go. He wouldn’t let you go. He controlled his own breathing, holding down the anger that bubbled just below his skin. He took your shaking hand and kissed each finger tip with such care and love before placing it flat against his chest You focussed on his heart, it’s even beats, strong and steady. You matched it’s rhythm with your fingers and eventually your breath followed.

‘It’s ok. You’re ok. I love you. I love you so much,’ Namjoon whispered sweet nothings into your hair and you focussed more on the feeling of his lips than his actual words. Eventually your eyes became heavy and you thankfully slipped away from this awful evening.

Morning came and Namjoon was still holding you. He was reluctant to let you go. Your head was heavy and you felt like were moving underwater. This was often the way after a bad night. You’d finally learnt to recognise the signs, learnt to treat them as something external, symptoms, side affects, not personal failings, character flaws.

Namjoon had learnt too. Just as you had so quickly become attuned to his bad days, the days he couldn’t leave the bed, the days he communicated solely through text messages and grunts, the days he was tired of fronting, tired of masking. It’d been hard, so hard. But you’d eventually let him in too. Let him take care of you. Stopped being so vigilant to everyone else’s needs and let him catch you.

You both stayed in bed for a long time, waking up slowly before letting yourselves fall back asleep again. Joon ordered room service and made you tea, forcing you to drink something and nibble on toast. Wordlessly and easily you moved in time with the other, understanding each others signals. Only the occasional ‘come on’, ‘jagi’, or ‘baby,’ from Namjoon as he coached you into returning back to your body. He’d put the phones somewhere you both couldn’t see them, and while you read, he went and drew you a bath.

The sound of the crowds, thickly ringing the hotel, continued to echo into the afternoon. Ideally Namjoon had wanted to take you somewhere outside, go for a walk to a park or a convenience store, something easy and familiar. But that simply wasn’t possible.

‘Jagiya,’ he called softly to you, still lying in bed, reading your book and tracing the late afternoon sun spots. ‘I’m taking you home tomorrow, is that ok?’

You nodded softly, allowing Namjoon to drag you across the bed into his arms. You felt numb. You felt tired.

——————————————————————

‘Absolutely not.’

Namjoon was trying to find his current reading book before heading to the studio. He’d reluctantly returned to work a couple days after you’d both come back to Seoul. You’d insisted, insisted that you were ok now. Maybe he’d jumped the gun.

‘You are not going anywhere near him, especially not alone.’ He came and stood in the doorway of your study, like he could physically stop you from leaving.

‘Jin is leaving in a couple of days, I’m not going to be the cause of any tension or awkwardness that’ll ruin his send off. You guys need each other more than ever now.’

You get up, matching his stance.

‘You haven’t done anything,’ he punctuated the ‘you’. ‘If anyone’s ruined anything it’s him. He crossed the fucking line.’

You sigh. Your fingers graze his arms, you can feel the anger vibrating just under there. He pretends it’s not there, he pretends you don’t know. He thinks he’s protecting you. You don’t say anything, just gently need the tension from his arms.

His hands eventually fall to your hips before travelling up your back and neck. He leans down and kisses you, your face between his hands like an offering. Its not horny. Its gentle. It’s protective. It’s like you’re the most precious thing in the word. ‘I won’t let him hurt you again.’ He whispers, refusing to even let your eyes slip from his grasp.

‘I know’, you whisper back. ‘I know Joonie. you’re good jooni, so good.’

——————————————————————

Yoongi hadn’t attempted to reach out to you since the night of the concert. Not that he would usually text you, it’d be more disturbing if he had.

As soon as Joon had left for the studio, you texted Jungkook to let him know phase 1 was complete. Jungkook’s job was to keep Joon distracted just long enough to execute phase 2. Before you could think about it too much, you picked up your phone and dialled.

‘Meet me at the convenience store in Dosan. I want to talk.’

——————————————————————

Mid afternoon the streets were almost deserted in Gangnam. Everyone was working or at least trying to avoid the mid afternoon heat. You sat at a plastic picnic table, your back against the shop’s glass windows and your feet up on the bench. You sipped on your coffee - hot drinks in hot weather, you’d learnt that working service - and watched the fruit cellar obnoxiously ring his bell, hopping from one dappled island of shade to another. If the coward didn’t show then at least you’d had a pleasant afternoon.

Two bottles of beer were carefully placed on the table, the clink of glass bringing you back to reality. ‘I thought you might like something stronger than coffee.’

Yoongi’s face was almost completely covered - the classic idol combo of bucket hat, sunnies and face mask - but he still radiated sheepishness.

You say nothing, and watch him eventually open the bottle and pour you a glass. It was unnecessarily formal for a convenience store. But you thought, let him play host. Let him show the foreigner good korean table etiquette.

You take a swig and return to watching the fruit seller. He has some customers now. It’s quite busy. They’ll need to form a line.

You’re both silent for a long time. Neither one of you are great conversationalists and Yoongi seems to be on the brink of an aneurysm. Eventually you relent.

‘Listen,’ your Korean is tense but you know it’s correct, you’ve made sure it’s correct, you refuse to give him an inch. ‘You were right the other night. It’s fucked up how the west and Europe looks at Asia, especially relatively new democracies like Korea. We hold them to,’ you gesture with your hand as you look for the word, ‘unbelievably high standards and then judge them for it. we judge you from democracies that are far far from perfect, democracies that are always on the edge of fascism, democracies that are built off the blood and backs of slavery, colonialism and ecological devastation. We forced you all to speak English and now English is the lingua Munda. You’re right to be angry, you’re right to be upset, especially considering the awful things this country has had to deal with from the likes of the USA. It must be incredibly frustrating and patronising to have to learn English, conduct interviews in English and be constantly asked for everything to be in English, to be considered worthy of international recognition. If anything you guys are proof that you don’t need English at all to dominate the global stage.’

Yoongi went to open his mouth then, but you waved him away.

‘But that doesn’t mean that you get to talk to me like that. Not you. Not anyone. Everything that you said, I’ve thought about myself ten times over and ten times worse. Namjoon and I have had so many conversations about this; before I came to Korea I had some understanding of the history of violence and colonialism this country had been subjected to for centuries, from the Japanese, from the US. But I still came to it from s western, trans-Atlantic understanding of colonialism and I’ve been working and researching to understand these different histories and thoughts and ways of speaking so I can fully understand. It’s a huge part of my job Yoongi, working in Gwanju.’

You could feel yourself getting off track. You took another swig of beer and tried to rain it back. Yoongi wasn’t looking at you, he was staring out into the street. You weren’t sure if your Korean was making any sense.

‘White guilt, western guilt, it’s boring and fruitless. It puts the onus on those who’ve been subjected to these systems of systemic violence. I know this. But in that moment Yoongi what you said was cruel and hurtful and i panicked and I needed to get the fuck out of there. You were right I missed half the show, I don’t know what happened out there, but whatever it was, whatever all of,’ again you gesture wildly, ‘whatever all of this fucked up fuckery we live in is, you don’t get to use me as a…a punching bag.’

Your Korean had become shaky at the end and you’d stumbled into English just so you could finish your point. You weren’t used to defending yourself, it still went against your instincts. Your heart was racing.

For a couple minutes, the sound of your breath was all you could hear, blood rushing to your ear drums.

‘It’s not true.’

‘What?’ You look up, Yoongi was now looking directly at you.

‘You said that what I’d said had been true. It wasn’t true. None of it was true. It was xenophobic and racist. You’re right, we’re subjected to these fucked up systems but that doesn’t mean that we can weaponise them and manipulate them to hurt each other, that’s not how they will end.’

You look at him, unconsciously mouthing some of his words as you try to process them in your head.

‘I’m sorry Y/N. I’m really sorry that I hurt you. I knew about your panic attacks. I knew what I was doing. It was completely and utterly fucked up, I’m so so sorry. You’re so great with Joon and I-

‘You don’t think that.’

He faltered. ‘What?’

‘You don’t think that I’m good with Namjoon,’ you repeated. ‘Ever since we started dating, you’ve avoided me, you never talk to me.’

‘I-‘

‘In fact you often leave the room if im in it. I think the other night was perhaps the longest conversation we’ve ever had, if you can call it that.’

Yoongi seemed to close then. He drew back. You sighed, you were tired of this. ‘Namjoon acts like it doesn’t matter but you’re his best friend Yoongi. I know he’s used to telling you everything. He’s so angry right now. I don’t want to come between you two, I don’t want him to lose you. He needs you.’

Yoongi looked up suddenly at that. His eyes were bright. ‘I don’t want to lose him either.’ He whispered, quickly ducking his head and raking his hands through his hair. You were worried he might try pull it out.

‘I’m sorry i treated you the way that I did. It was cruel and unnecessary, to you and Namjoon.’

You folded your arms and cocked your head.

‘I was weary. And it wasn’t because you weren’t Korean, I’ve close friends who’ve married people not from Korea, who’ve moved abroad-‘

‘Careful,’ you interjected, smiling. ‘You’re starting to sound like those people who insist that they aren’t racist because they have black friends.’

‘-but I was worried about how it’d affect the music,’ he persisted. ‘I was worried about how Namjoon’s priorities would not only shift towards love but also across continents and languages. I was worried he’d be stretched too thin and that the music would suffer.’ He looked at you then, before voicing your deepest fears. ‘That he would suffer.’

‘I’ve known him since he was young and he wasn’t like the rest of us. He’d never allowed himself to get distracted by girls or love. He’d been 100% on the music and the group, nothing else. Part of me worried about the music, but a big part of me worried that he wouldn’t be able to handle it.’ He grabbed your hand then, he could see the guilt and panic start to fester behind your eyes. ‘Because he was falling hard for you Y/N, so hard, harder I think than any of us have fallen before.’

You nodded, unable to speak.

‘I love him Yoongi,’ you breathed, not daring to look away.

Yoongi let go of your hand, he leaned back and took a swig of beer. He fiddled with the label, tearing it into tiny pieces.

‘The truth is Y/N that I’ve never seen him so happy.’ Yoongi rolled the shreds of bottle label into tiny cigarettes and laid them in a row on the table. ‘His songwriting is on s different level and, and he’s calmer,’ your breath catches in your throat at that one. ‘He’s calmer and you can see behind his eyes, you know, he’s not…always putting up a front.’

Yoongi stopped talking then. But you didn’t dare start. You didn’t want to break the spell.

‘I said some fucked up shit the other night. One thing I said was that he must be so tired coming home to you and having to speak English, but it’s not true. I’ve never seen him so healthy, so full of energy. I don’t know your relationship, and that’s my fault, but I don’t think you drain him at all. Not in the slightest. I think you do the opposite, Y/N. Im sorry.’

Yoongi leaned back then, pretended to watch the people walking past. His shoulders slumped forward.

‘I want to be friends Yoongi.’

His head whipped around. He must have misheard you. ‘Excuse me?’

‘I want to be friends Yoongi.’ You repeat again, smiling at him.

He blinks at you. ‘What is this? Primary school? You want to be my friend? Is it that easy?’

‘It can be. If you want it to be.’

Yoongi leaned back before suddenly smiling and getting up from the table with outstretched arms. ‘Come here, noona.’

You laugh and meet him in the hug.

‘You’re older than me!’

He grips you in a bare hug and shakes you from side to side. ‘Doesn’t matter, you’re far wiser than I will ever be.’

Suddenly a car pulls up and Jungkook is apologetically staring at you both from the driver’s seat. Before any of you can register what’s going on, Namjoon has vaulted out of the passenger side, across the car and scooped you into his arms.

‘Oh my god, I was so worried.’ His hands moved across your face and hair as if to make sure everything was where he’d last left it. ‘I’ve been trying to call you for the last hour but you haven’t been answering. I was freaking out and then Jimin said that Yoongi had also gone awol and hadn’t been in his studio for at least an hour and we put two and two together-‘

It was at that moment that Namjoon remembered Yoongi standing there, his arms swinging from where you’d been ripped from them. Namjoon instinctively put himself between you and him.

‘What do you want? What did you say to her? You’ve got some fucking nerve coming anywhere near her.’

Jungkook was out the car now and fruitlessly had his hands between the two, unsure who he was going to have to hold back.

You scoffed and pushed past Joon. ‘It’s ok Joon. It’s fine.’ You kept a steady hand on his arm.

‘We talked it out. It’s ok. It’s sorted, Yoongi apologised, all is forgiven, I promise.’

Namjoon’s eyes flitted between yours and Yoongi’s, the pain in them at having to fight his best friend over his girlfriend starting to seep through.

Yoongi must’ve seen it as well because he stepped forward. ‘Joon it’s true. She called me. I apologised, atoned for my sins, we solved neo-colonialism and late capitalism, we’re good.’ Namjoon’s eyes were still tight, he wasn’t moving. Yoongi sighed and grabbed his neck before Jungkook could intervene, leaning his forehead against Joon’s. ‘She’s incredible bro. You’re lucky to have her. I’m so fucking grateful she forgave me. I can’t wait to get to know her better. Can you forgive me?’

There was an intense few seconds. Before some silent communication took place because suddenly Namjoon and Yoongi were in the deepest of hugs. The kind of bear hug guys will do, slapping each other on the back and sort of rocking back and forth. You joined Jungkook on the sidelines, leaning against the car and trying not to laugh at the greatest romance in history unfolding before your eyes.

‘I missed you bro.’

‘I missed you too.’

‘Uughh!’ Jungkook loudly groaned, ribbing you. ‘Hyung can we go get tonkatsu now or what?’

[rotting-bitch]

I once killed a plant by giving it too much water. I worry that love is violence.

[minimalist-quotes]

I’m slowly learning that some people aren’t good for me, no matter how much I love them.

[xddaengx]

The Little Things

✧ Pairings: ot7 BTS x Reader

✧ Genre:  fluffy ⎜romance ⎜ polyamory ⎜ recovery au ⎜idol!bts ⎜sfw ⎜domestic!bts au ⎜established relationship ⎜

✧ Warnings: mentions of heart condition ⎜ mentions of surgery ⎜ reader is in recovery from a surgery ⎜ bts just being sweet ⎜

✧ Word Count: 4.2k

✧ Summary: You've never been more glade to have seven men by your side to help with your recovery. Even when times get tough you know they have your back.

Inspiring Song : Hold Us Together by H.E.R and Tauren Wells

✧ Author’s Note: This was requested by @lelewright1234 - i didn't follow to request to a tee and it ended up more domestic and fluffy then angst but I hope you still like it.

‘The rising stars from South Korea are stunning all with their good looks. Girls all over the world and wondering whether these six young men have anyone special in their lives. Just look at our swooning reporter on the red carpet.’ 

The camera pans over, six very familiar faces fill the screen for a moment, each holding a long glare at the flashing lights in front of them, trying to follow each instruction given by the paparazzi. The camera continues to pan, stopping on the wide mouthed blonde reporter watching them move down the red carpet towards her, you can almost see her vibrating with excitement. 

“I don’t know why you always watch these.” The remote is snatched from your hand as a body drops heavily onto the couch besides you, the channel quickly changing despite your protesting. “I wasn’t even there.” He adds. 

“Hey, I was watching that.” You hiss, leaning over trying to snatch the controller back. The larger man just smiles, stretching his arm so it’s further away, the remote far out of reach. “I like watching them all on the carpet, they look so handsome in your suits.” You coo, smiling with triumph as the channel flicks back. “You’d look great too if you were there.” You say with triumph. 

“That’s all you had to say.” Your gaze pauses on the screen, the boys standing stiff on the carpet as a girl tries to squeeze in the middle of them, asking quickly for a photo. You continue to watch as the boys smile politely not declining as the girls manager snaps a quick shot. 

“Do you know who she is?” You question turning towards the large man, surprised as he shakes his head a grimace on his face. 

“No, but manager Se jin probably just told them to smile and take the photo, I think shes some record label CEO’s daughter.” You feel a shiver run down his spine as he reaches for you, one arm draping over your shoulder his remaining hand beckoning your closer. 

“So, do you have anyone special in your life?” You question, your voice mimicking the earlier reporters as you hold your invisible microphone towards him, your body leaning forwards as he tugs you against him, landing on his chest with a heavy ooft. 

“Why I do happen to have someone special at home… Someone very very special to all of us.” Jin speaks softly into your fake microphone, smiling at the way he feels the goosebumps raise on your skin. “We’ve all missed you cupcake.” He hums as you relax against him, dropping your invisible mic to lean against his chest, basking in his comforting warmth. You watch beeps loudly at his words, a deep chuckle escaping in. 

“Making your heart flutter?” He questions jokingly, your hands making quick work of ripping off the watch and throwing it to the other side of the couch. You glare up at him before repositioning until your back lay against his chest, your head sitting comfortably in the crook of his neck. 

“When are the others getting back?” You question, lacing your fingers with his and he rests them against your stomach, one finger tracing the adhesive gauze on your upper chest. 

“Soon.” He says softly, his breath whispering against your skin as he sighs after, his fingers tracing over your collarbones. “How long till your next check up?” He questions. 

“A few weeks, but they think everything is going to be fine, it wasn’t major surgery just a battery replacement.” You respond quickly, your body almost fully relaxed against him as you hear the front door open, the rush of shoes being shaken off and slippery steps down the hallway. 

“Be gentle, she’s still recovering.” You hear Hoseok yell down the hallway, Jin groaning as the younger three member bound into the living room, their faces bright with excitement. Jin presses a soft kiss on your cheek before helping you sit up, slipping out from behind you leaving space available for the others to fit. 

“Before you all ask the same question, she’s fine, doing well, still sleepy and sore, she has a check up in a few weeks to ensure everything is going well but she needs to rest until then.” Jin spits out the information your relayed to him over the afternoon, his hand squeezing on your upper thigh the whole car ride home from the surgery centre. 

Taehyung is the first to take a seat, plopping on the floor in front of you, his chin resting gently against your knee as he looks up at you. “How do you feel?” He whispers, one of his hands sitting tight against your ankle his eyes locked with yours. 

“Fine. A little sleepy is all, doctor said the anaesthetic can take a few hours to ware off.” You answer, your hand reaching for him, running through his freshly dyed black locks, pushing the hair away from his face. Jimin is the next to plonk next to you, his movements soft and slow, not wanting to jostle the couch wrong and hurt you. His gaze is worried as he glances over you making sure there were no signs of discomfort or pain, once he’s satisfied you aren’t lying he shoots your a bright grin, your own smile mirroring his. 

Jungkook is last of the three to join you, taking a moment to watch his friends before shaking his head and barreling towards you, his body slides behind you, his arms snatching you up and tugging you against him. “I’m glad you’re okay.” He mumbles as he buries his head into your hair, letting out a delighted sigh at the smell of your perfume. The older members finally walk into the lounge room taking in the sight with a roll of their eyes, carrying on into the kitchen to help Jin with dinner. 

“Put the monitor back on.” You hear Jin shout from the kitchen, Jimin passing it to you quickly, your face in a pout as you secure it back on your wrist. The doctors demanded you wear a pulse rate monitor over the next to weeks to keep record of any possible complications. 

This may have been your first battery replacement but was certainly not your first operation. 

The first was when you were six, diagnosed with bradycardia and syncope, often having strange fainting spells when playing with your friends. You doctors were concerned that partial collapse of a valve may be causing the slow heart rhythm so they cut you open. 

The second operation was when you were twelve for the pace maker to be placed, too many trips to the emergency room over the six years between meant your doctors wanted to give you a way to reset your rhythm without a trip to the hospital. 

The third surgery was three weeks later when your pacemaker had a malfunction, your father rushing you to the emergency room as the machine shocked your heart several times with no reason, the doctors went in and placed a new one, this one was successful. 

Your fourth surgery was six hours ago, the first time your pacemaker has alerted you to a low battery, the doctors happy to see the machine was doing well, decided a quick battery replacement should do the trick, and once you get signed off in two weeks it should be another ten to fifteen years before you need another surgery. 

The heart monitor beeped loudly if you had a interruption to the rhythm, whether it be a slow in rate or a raise in rate, the machine loved to alert the boys when they made you get butterflies in your tummy, like it was now. Taehyung raises and eyebrow in amusement as you slap at the watch trying to turn off the alarm as Jungkook presses soft kisses on your skin, whispering about how much he missed you. Jimin just rolled his eyes at the youngest affections. 

It had been two weeks since you’d seen any of them but Jin, the six members attending schedules in America while Jin came home a week early to care of you leading up to your surgery. The risk of complications while the pacemakers battery was running out was high so he wanted to be there in case something happened. The company had made up a statement about covid that quickly quashed any fan concerns as to why the oldest wasn’t attending the award shows. 

The night continues easily, the eight of you slipping into routines as if nothing ever happened. The movie closed with its credits your body sat in the direct middle of the couch, the two boys still besides you and one still perched on the floor in front of you, his head resting on your knees as you braid and unbraid his hair, happy for the minor distraction of playing with his hair. 

Your eyes are burning from the effort its taking to keep them open, the long day and recovery from the anaesthetic leaving you feeling tired and weak. Most of the boys had noticed as your fingers slowed in Taehyung hair halfway through the movie. 

“I think its bed time.” Yoongi is the first to speak, pushing himself up from the couch before moving to stand in front of you, his hands reaching out to help you stand. You place your hands in his, happy for the assistance as he pulls you off the soft cushions, Taehyung protesting as the loss of warmth on his back.

“You’ll see her tomorrow don’t be such a baby.” Yoongi grumbles, his hands tightly clasping yours as he pulls you away from the others, your gaze shooting over your shoulder as you bid them all farewell. Yoongi’s apartment was down the hall from Jin’s a twenty second walk, the producer unlocking the door quickly leading you inside before closing the door, disabling the keypad so the others couldn’t sneak in. 

“I thought you could actually use some sleep tonight.” Yoongi says quietly, his gaze flicking down to the small bandage on your chest before back to your face. 

“Well the doctor said no strenuous exercise for the next six weeks so nothing could’ve happened anyway.” You chuckle, leaning forwards to press a soft peck against his cheeks before making your way down the hall to his bathroom. You stop in your tracks as you glance at the fluffy robe and variety of soaps on the counter, a pair of brand new slippers sitting besides the shower as well. 

“I thought you might want a nice hot shower, I know anaesthetics always make me feel slimy.” He says coming up behind you, his comments bring back the reminder of his own recovery from his shoulder repair, the joint stinging with phantom pain as his opposite hand raises to rub at it. 

His words seem come out confident but you can tell by the way his hand reaches for yours that he was nervous about his gift.  “It’s perfect. It’s the little things that matter.” You respond, a small gummy smile breaking out on his face as he offers to leave you alone while you shower. 

“Actually, I might need some help.” You whisper, unsure how to ask. “It really hurts to raise my arms and I need to wash my hair.” You add on, Yoongi faltering but nodding in agreement quickly. Yoongi moves quick to run the bath, deciding it would be easier to wash your hair in the large tub, your body being able to relax in the steaming water. 

“Be careful not to wet the surgical site.” Yoongi comments as he faces the wall, wanting to give you privacy as you slip out of your pyjamas, slowly dropping into the warm water, letting out a sigh of relief as the warmth surrounds you. You’re careful to do as Yoongi says, keeping your upper chest sitting just above the waterline. 

“You can turn around.” You say quietly, not knowing why the situation felt so different. The two of you had seen each other naked before, multiple times even but this felt weird.

You felt vulnerable, as he perches on his knees besides the tub, his gaze locking on your face and not daring to glance anywhere else as he prepares the shampoo and conditioner. His eyes slip slightly landing on the light bruising around your surgical site, the clear waterproof bandage the only thing keeping the wound safe from the water. 

“Does it hurt a lot?” He questions, shuffling on his knees a bit so he’s closer to your head. 

“Not a lot, more of an ache then anything.” You respond, your eyes automatically closing as he cups the water dampening the hair before beginning to massage in the soapy shampoo. 

“It’s mango.” He comments. “You’re favourite.” You hum in delight, your body relaxing a little bit further as his finger work against your scalp, slipping down the massage the back of your neck before he rinses the bubbles off your head. 

Yoongi makes quick work of the hair wash, drying his hands on a towel as he leaves you to finish washing up on your own, wanting to prepare the bed. You manage to pull yourself out of the bathtub with minimal struggle, slipping your arms into the cozy robe and your feet into your new slippers before shuffling down the hallway to Yoongi’s bedroom, letting out a groan of delight as the large pillowy bed, the covers already pulled back, your fresh pyjamas sitting on the edge. 

You dress quickly, deciding Yoongi must be cleaning himself up, before sliding onto the mattress, the bed feeling like a soft cocoon at the end of a long day. It doesn’t take long for your eyes to drift close, Yoongi walking into the room almost silently with the cups of tea, letting out a light chuckle at your clearly asleep form on the bed. 

He’s quick to forgo the tea placing both full cups onto the night stand before tugging the feather down duvet over your clean body. He takes a few moments, sweeping your drying hair out of your face, his finger playing with the springy curls on top of your head, he knows he’ll have to brush in your curl refreshing conditioner tomorrow and help you brush out some knots, but reminds himself that’s a problem for later. 

Yoongi switches off the lamp besides you before making his way to the other side, slipping under the covers making himself comfortable before wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling your body close to his as he presses a kiss against the crown of your head. 

“Thank you for being here.” He whispers, pretending not to notice the quiet alert of your heart monitor. 

+

+

“Should we tell her?” The voices whisper outside the closed bedroom door, the mattress is empty besides you, Yoongi must’ve snuck out earlier. The ache in your chest is stronger than yesterday, your pain medications clearly wearing off, you finally lift your head from the pillows glancing down at your phone to see a stream of missed calls and text messages. 

You lock your phone again, not wanting to read any messages as you push yourself out of the bed, swinging the door open with a look of confusion, the seven men huddled outside the bedroom. 

“Tell me what?” You question, your arms crossing against your chest as each of them look around the circle in questioning. 

“There was an article released this morning.” Namjoon is the first to speak, sending a quick nod to Jimin who pulls up the news site on his phone showing you the title as Namjoon continues to explain. “Jin was sighted at the hospital when he went to pick you up - dispatch has sent the internet on a spiral to figure out who you are and what he was doing there.” You feel the way your stomach drops in dread. 

As open as you and the boys were with your relationship, you had always been careful with public affection and exposing yourself, dreading the day their fans found out and how they’d react to the news. 

“And?” You spur Namjoon to continue. 

“They’ve found what they needed, HYBE is currently in contacts with lawyers but they think it’s for the best if a comment is made as soon as possible.” Joon sighs and rubs his forehead, Jimin taking his leaders silence as a cue to finish explaining. 

“They want you and Jin to come out with an offical statement that you’re in a relationship.” You can’t help the way your brows furrowed, confusion setting in. “Just you and Jin.” Jimin adds, his own eyes soft as he reaches out to squeeze your hand. 

“Our relationship is taboo cupcake.” Jin speaks quickly, “It will make things easier if the news is shared about a couple not an octuple.” He explains, not being able to help the chuckle at his own choice of words. 

“Well what do you all think?” You ask slowly. You can already tell from Kook’s face that he’s uncomfortable, the rest seem to be keeping their emotions under raps. 

You all knew this would happen one day, news would get out and scandals would ensue but you never thought it would be so soon, and for some reason never considered only telling the world about one eighth of your relationship. 

“It’s for the best, it’ll lessen the blow to the fans.” Taehyung speaks, his face set in stone as he sighs, “They wouldn’t take it well if they knew you managed to snag all seven of us.” You can appreciate the way his comment makes the rest of the room light up, each of the boys letting out a hum in agreement. 

“I’ll make the call to the heads.” Namjoon leaves the apartment with his phone pressed to his ear. 

News spreads quickly, headlines upon headlines about world wide handsome being stolen from the market - it’s not long before it feels like your entire identity is put online for the world to see and scrutinise, photos of you spreading like wildfire. 

The older members had left an hour ago to attend a press conference to answer any questions that needed to be answered about the worldwide news - Jungkook had left for his training session at the local boxing gym, Jimin having to leave for some conference calls about an upcoming project. 

“Everything will be fine.” Taehyung whispers against your head as his body wraps around you, your head tucked under his chin as he rubs soothing circles on your back. “Jin has been the best at setting boundaries, fan are more likely to respect his choices.” Taehyung continues softly, his soothing working well for your anxieties though you can tell he’s bitter about the situation. 

“I know, but what if they don’t like me?” You ask, quickly adding, “the fans, I mean.” 

Taehyung just shakes his head in disbelief, letting out a breathy laughs as he mumbles, “doesn’t matter, cause as long as we love you, they have no choice but to love you too.” His laugh grows heartier as your watch lets out a high pitched alarm, your emotions never allowed to be a secret. 

You’re not quiet sure when the two of you fell asleep, maybe it was around the third final destination movie, the sounds of endless screaming lulling you both into comfortable slumber, but you awake slowly to the soft poking against your shoulder. 

“Love?” Taehyung’s voice rumbles underneath you, his phone screen lighting up his face as he turns it towards you, a proud smile on his face. 

‘Jin is a lucky man.’

‘I heard she survived a heart attack, only the strongest partner for our worldwide handsome.’ 

“I’ve never had a heart attack but close enough” you sputter.

‘If I were the other members I’d be jealous of Jin.’ 

The comments underneath the article from dispatch are coming in troves, each of them more complimentary then the last. “Bet this isn’t what they expected.” Taehyung laughs proudly as he continues to read the comments being left under the article. 

“I wish I was as pretty as her.” He reads in a high pitched tone. 

“If I were the other members I would have such a big crush.” He continues. 

“I love her hair.” He speaks the compliment with a bright smile, pinching a curl between his thumb and pointer finger, straightening out the piece of hair before letting it spring back in place. “I told you they’d love you.” He brag, locking his phone and placing it to the side. 

“They’re right you know.” Taehyung says softly as you climb off of him, bushing your hair back into a hair tie to keep it off your face. You look at him in question as he wastes no time in teasing, “I have the biggest crush on you.” 

+

+

Things were different now - Jin was able to take you to events, you often preferring to hang around the managers while they walked down the red carpet, taking photos and answering questions, but as soon as the spotlight was off them, Jin hand met with yours, your fingers linking together as he leads you to the table set up for your group. 

The emerald green dress you wore was custom order by Taehyung, the cut of the front and back a low V showing off the pink scars on your chest and back - the man whispering endless praise throughout the night as you faced your fears of showing off the large scarring. 

The boys had been making it clear in interviews that although you were Jin’s ‘girlfriend’ they all had a strong connection with you and cared for you deeply, trying to hint in a discreet way their feelings for you to the public. 

Most fans has taken the relationship well, the rare few complaining that their beloved was stolen from them - but none had been as bold as the reporter tonight. 

“Your girlfriend is brave.” She says to Jin, Namjoon translating quickly as she speaks, “Showing up with her misfortunes on display like that - I wouldn’t dare.” She laughs at the end of her sentence trying to play off the insult as a joke. Namjoon freezes, not sure how to translate what the female reporter said, looking at her with a stern gaze. 

“I think this interview is over.” He says sternly, manager Se jin nodding quickly, guiding your group  further up the carpet to the next reporter waiting. Namjoon pauses for a minute before turning back to the stunned reporter. 

“She is brave.” He confirms. “She is braver than you will ever be, she has survived horrible illness and has recovered and she is free to be proud of her battle scars, I think you should really think about your remarks in the future.” Namjoon is nothing but professional, but all of you can see the way his body is coiled tight with anger. 

You send him a quick smile as he rejoins the group, continuing the evening as if nothing every happened. 

“I appreciate what you said.” You say softly as the body guards pull out your chair besides the leader, the two of you taking a seat at the table. Your hand reaches for Namjoon’s on the table giving it a quick squeeze before letting go, not wanting to give anyone time to snap a picture. 

“Anytime.” He jokes, the dimple on his cheek deepening as he sends you a bright smile. “I feel like we’re going to have some new headlines by the end of the night.” He sighs as he rubs his chin, the smile still not dropping from his face. 

“I’m sure everyone will find any footage of angry Joon as attractive  as I do.” You tease, smiling at the way the pink rises on his neck and the tips of his ears. “Finally.” You exclaim, glad for once your emotions aren’t the one on display, only to let out a long groan as your watch lets out a wail in alarm at your excitement, the group letting out howling laughs. 

This you could get used to.

[bts-aera]

Relationship w/ Members

Kim Namjoon

Jokingly calls him Appa

Gave her, her first lyric notebook (she still has it)

Went to Bang PD about at least keeping her on as a lyric writer if she wasn't going to be included in the group

Taught her the basics of the producing software

Taught her how to rap during pre-debut

For deep talks, he's the one she seeks out

They intellectually vibe on a completely different level from the other members

They recommend books to each other constantly (non-fiction traded for fiction)

Demanded he read the Harry Potter Series

Kim Seokjin

His biggest dad joke supporter

He spoils her with his cooking

Taught her how to cook her favorite meals during pre-debut

She is his biggest cheerleader when it comes to his singing

Always gave him pep talks when he was struggling the most

Calls her his baby

Foodies of the group

Gets really mad when she catches people questioning his skills in singing or dancing

Gets extra choreo lessons from her whenever he's struggling with a particular choreo

Min Yoongi

Considers her his Protégé since he teaches her how to produce

Has a lot of songs set aside for her in particular due to her voice being the only one he sees performing it

Was the first to aggressively shut down any hate she received early on in their career, he does it less now because he taught her to speak up for herself (it gets her in trouble sometimes but he always looks proud)

She has helped keep the 'Marry Me Yoongi" trend alive

She loves that he's a grumpy old man

He can't bring himself to truly scold her most of the time

He will let her hang all over him and never say a word about it

Truly helps the narrative 'Maknae on Top' when it comes to her

Jung Hoseok

Is her biggest cheerleader

Gave him the nickname 'Hobi'

She tends to crash his lives often to cause chaos

They dance together a lot just the two of them

He took care of her often when she first came to Seoul

He was the biggest driving force in adding her back into the group

Was very happy when it happened

She calls him 'Sunshine' a lot

Calls her 'little duck/duckie' more than the other members

His sister jokes about trading him for her in a heartbeat

Park Jimin

She is forever his baby

He's a momma bear when it comes to her

Cuddle buddies

They tend to pull each other out of their negative head space when they see the other in it

He taught her some of his Contemporary Dance routines in the beginning

When she has something heavy on her heart she usually seeks him out

He's the only one who ever truly knew how bad her struggles were, especially in the beginning

Pre-debut he would help her do her nails since she gets hand tremors when it's cold

His parents have also attempted to adopt her, his mom absolutely loves her to pieces

Kim Taehyung

Gave her the nickname 'little duck'

Bodyguard #2

Loves her to pieces and thinks she's the most adorable thing to walk this earth

They bring out each other's weird side

He gifts her Gucci a lot

He dotes on her heavily

If she's feeling down he will literally do anything to make her laugh/smile

When he does take photos of people it's usually of her

He will occasionally be overdramatic about how much she's grown since he met her

They like to go out to eat together

He's deemed her the baby sister of the Wooga Squad since they all think she's absolutely adorable

Will do a vibe check for any man standing close to her

Jeon Jungkook

Is her ride or die, he knows her better than she knows herself

Bodyguard #1

He is very protective of her

Anyone that's interested in her must pass his test in order for her to even think about dating them

They share 'custody' of Bam

Is her go-to drinking buddy

His parents basically adopted her, she calls them Eomma and Appa

Prank each other incessantly

Is the first person she seeks out when she's struggling with something

He talked her into learning boxing/kickboxing with him because he wants her to be able to protect herself if needed

Workout buddies

Promised to be roommates until one of them get married

Moved into the same apartment rather than living alone after the lease was up on their last dorm.

He vibe-checks any dude that wants to get close to her

He will get pouty and mildly jealous if she starts hanging out with someone else more than she hangs out with him (he can't help it)

She helped with designing some of his tattoos

He drew her first tattoo and they got their first tattoos together

Still tries to get her to see his side for the Perilla Leaf debate

[iwillvanishbeforeyou]

It is a cruel joke that I am still alive