#Phoenix Mountain

[ziorite]

the phoenix mountain hunt. that’s it.

[hopingforbrain]

idek why I’m obsessed with phoenix mountain wangxian, but I am

didn’t wwx briefly imagine that some lusty mountain beast was the one that kissed him? we could go that route, or - hear me out, scum villain style papapa plant pollen, with the added bonus of bringing one’s true feelings to the forefront of the whole ‘pls dick me down’ thing that’ll be going on as well. ah yes, mt baifeng, the home of lusty beasts and suspiciously convenient sex plants.

anyways, you can’t tell me that wwx didn’t have at least some very un-het and un-platonic things going on for lwj in his first life.

i want all of that shit to hit him like a goddamn truck.

so. wei wuxian, having had his fill of the sunshine, jumps off the tree and meanders around, accidentally stumbles into a pile of nice-smelling flowers. like, really, unnaturally nice-smelling, in ways that flowers shouldn’t be. more specifically, they smell like sandalwood, which is, obviously, wood and not flowers. strange, isn’t it? and if wei wuxian also happens to be getting weirdly hard from the scent - well, he’s a healthy young man in the middle of a hunt, isn’t he? things happen! dicks happen! it is what it is.

lan wangji, who has been following behind him like the cute little repressed creep that he is, sees wei wuxian sitting unmoving in the flowers, practically coated in a thick layer of dusty ass pollen, two fingers close to a mental breakdown about the state of his dick. and so, understandably a little concerned, he walks closer. when wei wuxian remains unmoving, he does the gentlemanly thing and calls out a regular-old, lan wangji style, not hot and not cold, exactly like room-temperature water, ‘wei ying?’

wei wuxian hears him and. the truck hits. strike one!!!

immediately, he knows who it is, but what surprises him is the way his thighs clench together at the sound (sex pollen let’s go) and more importantly, the sheer amount of feeling that surges into his chest (feelings pollen let’s really go) an all-consuming mix of admiration, joy, desire, and the straight-up burn of love. no running, no hiding, my homegirl pollen lets him know exactly what he’s been repressing, and wei wuxian chokes under the weight of it.

if lan wangji was a two on the scale of concern before, he’s now on a solid eight. hurrying forward, he drops onto his knees next to wwx, reaching out and calling his name again.

(now, sure, the pollen can affect lwj, as a treat, but this ain’t about him. he’s already pretty horny for wwx all the time, plus he’s so aware of his feelings that the pollen is a step down in intensity, actually)

wwx knows that seeing lwj right now is a Certified Bad Idea, but he’s too high on pollen to care much, pulling off his blindfold and springing onto lwj. cue uncontrollable love confession as wwx practically vomits his messy feelings all over the poor guy, who, on one hand, is absolutely elated and also horny bc the way wwx is gripping him is Not Subtle.

But. lwj being lwj, quickly realises something is wrong, figuring out that the pollen is mad suspicious and telling wwx that he doesn’t know wtf he’s saying, let’s just all calm down now and get some help (while horny gripping, lwj u freak)

of course, wwx has to debunk him asap, so he pulls out every embarrassing receipt out of the vault in an effort to get hanguang-jun’s pants off, logically and methodically. their first meeting? wwx was so thrilled that he didn’t actually mind losing his emperors smile. library pavilion days? all the better to see lan zhan’s pretty face with. waterborne abyss near-death experience? heavens, lan zhan’s arms were really…

qishan discussion conference? it was all wwx’s fault. accident what accident. he knew what he wanted, lwj’s attention and his ribbon - even though he didn’t know lwj would get so angry, he just wanted lwj to look at him, okay! you think his hand could slip?? please!! he’s more likely to shoot himself in the foot with an arrow!

xuanwu cave? don’t think he’s weird, lan zhan, but it was kinda nice to spend some time alone together, even if their third wheel was a giant murderous tortoise…

not to mention the sunshot campaign - you think wwx liked leaving lwj in the dust every time he brought up his cultivation? no!! don’t blame him, lan zhan, he just didn’t wanna be dragged to gusu for punishment, nor dirty lwj with all the corpse fumes!! (wow this guy is embarrassing)

after this verbal thesis, lwj is left blinking. wwx, who is about to lose his mind, pounces again. lwj, having all avenues of resistance exhausted, just. does not. resist.

in fact, he is equally if not more enthusiastic as wwx.

yes they get freaky in the flowers. yes lwj has to confess as well, and gets wheedled into a matching play-by-play of wangxian’s greatest hits with wwx being the prompter. yes they get married live happily ever after and lwj gets to fuck a new core into wwx. the enddddd I’m just so so so normal about these two.

[wangxian1316]

Wait.I JUST REALISED SOMETHING.WHEN LAN ZHAN YANKED WEI WUXIAN’S FACE TOWARDS HIM,HE USED BOTH HIS HANDS.(ONE HAND SUPPORTING HIS NECK AND ONE HAND ON HIS CHEEK)

So basically Wei Wuxian could have freed himself any time?!!

AND during the whole time the kiss lasted wei wuxian could have,called wen Ning,fought back, pushed lz off him BUT he does not do any of that and lz knows all this,as we come to know at the “sex in grass” scene.I’m not arguing that the kiss was consensual but it wasn’t straight up non-con.

[sepia-mahogany]

[eastofakkala]

So while rewatching The Untamed, I got to that scene in Phoenix Mountain where Xuanli’s romantic drama occurs in front of half the main cast. Which is already hilarious. 

But you know what really cracked me up? The fact that of all people, freaking Sect Leader Yao was there too. It was just such a random, hilarious inclusion. 

[shitpostingkats]

Oh english is absolutely not his first language.

[lilkikibat]

@epistemologys commissioned me to draw a reimagined illustration of the Phoenix Mountain Kiss. In this version, LWJ doesn’t run away just as WWX kisses back.

It ended up with a very wrecked, sweaty WWX getting his boobas fondled. Yeah, this extremely was fun.

THANKS EPI!!!!

[desert-love]

The "cougar shadow" has returned to the western face of Superstition Mountain Arizona. The best shadows of the Cougar Chasing Prey appear during the third weeks of March and September. It ties to both spring and fall equinoxes These are the two times of the year when day and night are of approximately equal length. This amazing phenomenon is visible across Apache Junction just before sunset. The actual sighting depends upon the weather and viewing location, but along Superstition Blvd is usually a great place to see it.

[fixielixie]

i know lwjs eternal longing and devotion is something that is spoken about at length in the fandom, but goddamn did lwj spend a long time so incredibly horny with absolutely no output for that. like… from the age of 16 he’s been listing after wwx, who only gets more irresistible and teasing as they get older. like no wonder the second they get together lwj is jumping him any chance he gets.

we all know wwx is the wistful romantic of the two, staring at lwj with heart eyes and thinking about how much he loves him (so much so that even when they Are fucking wwx can’t help but list out all of the things he loves about lwj LMAO) but it never fails to be so funny that lwj is the horny absolutely feral sex maniac of the two. it’s just SO GOOD.

lwj is So horny all thw time, i can only imagine that if mdzs was told in his pov it would be 10% heart wrenching longing and 90% deranged wwx specific horny thoughts.

[adventurealldays]

[partytimemk]

my brokeback mountain

[lionofchaeronea]

Arizona Landscape, Audley Dean Nichols, 1920s

[neuro-ghoul]

Ghouls getting sick for the first time topside are always the most dramatic. coughing? Yeh you’re going to die. Sore throat? You are going to be in endless horrific pain forever.

The older ghouls and siblings try to convince new summons that they will be fine, but they aren’t having any of it.

[abluescarfonwaston]

Sorry just thinking about Phoenix and Iris. How he swallowed glass for her. How she didn't know. Turned away from it and covered her eyes. Couldn't bare to see what she knew her sister was going to do. Do to him. She knitted a sweater for him. It fits just right. He swallows glass and stares at her as she stands over a charred and smoking body. As she screams and points at him. Watches as he is hauled away. Can't even fathom what's going on. Why.

He swallows glass for her.

And I just can't help but think what would have happened if she'd asked him to leave instead. That last night before Dollie became Dahlia. If her shaking hand had reached for the necklace one last time. Shaking and pale. If he'd caught her hand then and asked what was wrong. How the words would clog in her throat but if she begged- if she asked- that they run away together, he would have.

He swallows glass for her.

Surely he'd have been willing to run away.

[desert-love]

[fortune-maiden]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji/Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian Characters: Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian, Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin, Jin Zixuan, Jiang Yanli, Nie Huaisang, Meng Yao | Jin Guangyao, Lan Huan | Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue Additional Tags: Crack, Humor, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Set vaguely during the phoenix mountain hunt, just don't think about the timeline or canon at all, this is just me having some silly fun, Shapeshifters - Freeform, Dopplegangers, Phoenix Mountain Night Hunt Competition (Modao Zushi), Inspired by Dungeon Meshi's shapeshifter episode, Hijinks & Shenanigans, frankencanon

Summary:

“I’ve already figured it all out, but I’m not going to be a peacock about it,” the fourth Wei Wuxian said with a wide grin, which in the real one's opinion should have immediately outed him as a fake (he was not that provocative!), but the Jiang Chengs, the Jiang Yanlis, the Nie Huaisangs, the Lan Wangjis, and Jin Zixuan all shared a look.

Or, in which the Phoenix Mountain Hunt gets even more chaotic when someone sets a several-thousand-year-old fox demon loose.

It's going to be a long afternoon...

(Inspired by Dungeon Meshi)

-

SO ABOUT THOSE DUNGEON MESHI SHAPESHIFTERS :D

I needed this xD

One day I will probably do more thoughtful/serious takes on the shapeshifters, but for now I need my crackfic fix :D