#Personally I think the phenomenon is interesting and worth reflecting on

[vio1315]

I think the implications of this post are kind of bs, honestly. (The implication I get from it is that if people don't have female characters they like, that they're genuinely sexist. But if taken charitably the post may just be that people are unable to recognize they have a bias to like male characters?)

If there is a claim of sexism, then I raise this: how is it that I don't like a single female character, yet every single one of my friends (who I deeply respect) are women?

I think the answers to that question will vary per person, but I really think any correlation to sexism is actually kind of rare. A lot of extremely sexist people love female characters. I'm sure you can think of seeing that sort of thing play out.

But if not sexism, then why does this trend exist? Let me cover some of the potential reasons I've come to when reflecting on the topic.

Tropes play out differently based on male/female

This is a hard one to explain, especially because it relies on 'feeling', and so some people may not have this same interpretation of two characters.

But say you like the trope of a parental figure with their kid. Depending on if you're looking at a man or a woman, that same trope may have a very different feeling, and you may have a preference to one or the other.

My favorite trope is 'con man with a heart of gold'. Now both men and women can express this same trope, but to me there tends to be a very different way they go about it, even if we take out any flirtatious elements. The same trope has room for that preference shift.

Women are usually written as the voice of reason / straight man

This is complicated, but basically, in a cast of kooky characters, a lot of the time you see the woman as the one with a better head on her shoulders. Which as far as characters go means she'll be a little bit more 'boring'. It can be vital to a group dynamic, but it won't make her very popular as having a standout personality to latch onto. As someone who likes villains for the more boisterous traits, this is especially apparent to me.

Obviously not all women are written this way, but I do believe the tendency can be a contributing factor, given the one female character I like which is a friends OC is out of her mind in her own special ways.

Women have something to prove

This is something I notice in more like 'modern era' fiction, but a lot of characters seem like they have to prove they're good enough? If that was focused on as a bad thing it could be interesting, but it generally isn't. A lot come off as tryhards, which to me personally is a negative trait that makes me dislike them. I'd rather they have a sense of confidence in who they are, or that the trait be shown as negative and a character flaw.

Or I guess that it made sense in setting? In a super competitive and sexist setting, then this reaction makes sense (though some focus on it would be interesting to me. Exploring if letting that environment change you is good or bad etc) but a lot of times it is in a normal setting, so it comes off as a clear flaw. Some people probably like this flaw, but not me, personally, and I know it's a turn off to others as well.

I have a hypothesis that this is a straight girl thing

Now this is the hardest to prove because it's all in the subconscious if this is true, but I have a Feeling that a lot of the people who like all male chars are going to be straight women. Not even because they're attracted to the characters, absolutely not. But just because they think guys are neat.

This would be fun to gather data on to me. It doesn't seem like gay men have this as far as I can tell? Which is kind of interesting, and idk exactly why the difference is there, but in my own observations this is the type of trend I've noticed.

I think the video is mostly irrelevant from what I saw, but the mention of exploring your feelings through writing men could make sense in some ways if something was preventing you from feeling okay about writing women with the traits that seem forbidden to you? I'd just add 'in a socially acceptable way'. Men being angry enough to punch a wall is seen a bit differently to a woman doing so kind of thing, so maybe to some writers there is that feeling?

For me... I really don't know why I like male characters better despite having pondered all these things. I think these certainly are elements that play into it for me, but I do think there's something missing too. Maybe my childhood of trying to prove myself as a tomboy and seeking out guy friends had some influence? Even if back then I liked girl characters more and have since grown out of this.

Mostly, I see this about as important as me liking 'con men with a heart of gold' though. Like I just do. I literally hate people like this irl, but in fiction it's fun, it leads to a lot of fun and engaging things. There's a clear separation to what I like in fiction and what I like irl. It's not really a big deal.

But maybe OP really was just meaning this as like 'just admit you don't like female characters!' in which case I'd say the reason people are nervous to is just in case someone thinks they're sexist due to the preference?

i dont really know how to articulate this but its crazy just how many people dont even realize they dont care about female characters. all their faves are men. they never talk about girls without being led into it. and when you try to point this out to them they try to defend themselves that their faves are just the archetypes they like, despite clearly not caring when that same archetype is a woman. like i feel like at a certain point it is your problem with the common denominator if you cant find a single female character to enjoy

[beegalactica]

The real 'glow-up' is all mental.

With it being the prime season for the 'how to glow up' guides to make their rounds in the media we consume, it is always worth reminding yourself that the only way you are going to 'glow up' on the outside is if you 'glow up' on the inside.

I personally get annoyed with the whole glowing-up phenomenon because it perpetuates this idea that there is some kind of 'end goal' in life and once you reach it, everything will be perfect. In a world where the idea of what it means to be attractive, intelligent, successful, or desirable in any way is constantly changing, there is only one constant: YOU.

You are a lifelong investment, and you are worth every penny, second, and ounce of effort you put into yourself.

Let's go over some of my glow-up tips and habits for you this year and examine how much of your levelling-up will really need to take place in your head.

Invest in your hygiene. This doesn't mean buying the most expensive skincare and having a 30-step routine, this means brushing your teeth every day, taking showers regularly and looking after your hair. Of course, we all want to achieve that 'clean girl aesthetic' but to me, simple hygiene is the best way to send a message to your body and mind that you care. Nothing says "I love you just the way you are" to your body like taking the time to clean it, care for it and pay attention to what it needs.

Invest in your surroundings. Now I know, making your bed every morning can be an unnecessary waste of time, especially if you're just going to end up getting back into it at night, but I like to think that my surroundings reflect my mental state, so if my room is a mess, best believe my mind is a mess too.

Invest in your interests. Start a hobby, pick up a new skill, try to find a book that interests you, or even start a Tumblr blog 😉😉! This year, I am focusing on really cultivating myself and becoming an interesting person who has things to talk about with people, instead of mindless gossip or resulting in self-deprecation to entertain others.

Invest in your happiness. Do what makes you happy. Distance yourself from those who seek to pull you down, to prop themselves up. You are worth so much more than that. Sometimes, those people are in our households, and the only way to cope is to know what makes us feel good and chase that happiness. Know that whatever issue you are facing shall pass and you will feel good again.

There is a common belief among people who may struggle with their self-image that once they fix this, or change that, everything will be perfect, but as someone who has had that mentality, it won't. If you want to lose 10kg for example, but hate your current body, waking up skinny tomorrow won't fix that voice in your head that tells you that you're still not good enough. If you love yourself as you are, and acknowledge that exercising is a form of self-love, and it doesn't take away from it, that mental glow-up will begin to manifest itself physically.

What's the point of others complimenting you daily if you don't believe it or can't accept it because you don't think of yourself the way that they do?

Trust me when I say this, my biggest milestone on my 'glow up journey' was not losing x amount of weight, but looking at myself in the mirror, first thing in the morning with no make-up or styling, and still being able to say "Damn, I'm so beautiful." And I can confidently tell you that to reach this point, I didn't set the intention of losing weight and trying to become more beautiful, I set the intention of loving and accepting myself the way that I am and all the actions that followed after stemmed from this love that I have. I didn't feel the need to exercise because I wanted to be skinny, but because I knew that it was what my body needed, and I loved my body so much that I was willing to do that for her.

It's easy to get wrapped up in so many things and lose sight of yourself, but when that phone is off and you're all alone, disconnected from the rest of the world, what do you say to yourself?

P.S. If you're reading this thank you all for the love on my first post! Opening Tumblr every day to new notifications has created this sort of excitement and extreme joy that I didn't even know was possible! Stay safe and take care of yourself 💗💓

[1ightsen]

Maxie Infodump #1 - Little known character details from official media

I promised to post some of my maxie infodumps and headcannons, and I think I'll start it off with something simple. His official character bio that was hosted originally on the first release of ORAS (this will be ORAS Maxie focused)

here is a transcript for easy reading: "Maxie is the leader of Team Magma, the team seeking a world ideal for humanity. He pays attention to even the smallest of details, and is quite sensitive in some regards. He has a habit of describing situations in numerical terms. He possesses a cool-headed outlook, thinking that some sacrifices cannot be avoided if he is to achieve his goals." Okay, so first, after looking at the original japanese version of this page,

小さいことまで細かく気にする、神経質なところがあり、さまざまなことを数字を交えてあらわすのが口癖。 目的を果たすためなら、犠牲が出ても仕方ないと考える冷徹な思想の持ち主でもある。 The one word in here I wanted to be sure of was 'sensitive' since it can have many meanings, and the original japanese gives us some possibilities with:

Personally I think (being) highly strung is the most likely option here, but either way its an interesting character trait. And we all know he certainly builds up frustration and tension and explodes a bit like a volcano. Even if he does manage to correct himself afterwards.

~ ANYWAYS ~

Now that we have the bio, let's break it down a little and look at some fun examples of it in action! Maxie has a habit of describing situations in numerical terms. This typically comes out more when he is nervous or stressed. Here are some examples: Ill just take ORAS as an example here since this is already getting pretty long... In ORAS after fighting him at mt chimney, he lets you know in a specific numerical way, how much he fell behind:

And then again, when you battle with him and lose in the Battle Resort where he just has to let you know the situation in numerical terms by giving you the exact lose chance according to his own calculations of course:

"So the great Maxie has fallen, even when battling alongside your team... I shall commit this curious phenomenon to memory. It had less than a 1 percent probability of occurring, you know."

this culminates in a really interesting interaction between him and courtney after the delta episode. While It's pretty clear that Maxie cares for his team and especially his admins, he definitely struggles when faced with his crying admin, and being unsure of what to say, he settles with a numerical quantifier again.

He assesses the situation, and decides to comment on how MUCH courtney is crying. His "paying attention to even the smallest details" trait also ties into this habit of his, and is probably why he jumps to conclusions a little too early because of small things he's noticed. Accusing Tabitha of wanting his spot as leader, just because he disagreed with him is one of those situations.

Pokemon Masters EX has a lot of new scenes with Maxie, and I would love to talk all day about them, but I'll just pick out one here, and that's from the "A pasio Spectacle" event. In this event, Maxie overhears team break members simply say the word 'glasses' and instantly jumps to the conclusion that not only did they want to talk to him, but that they noticed his "magnificent mega glasses" and would like to hear a lecture on how they were scientifically made.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZmmaf9bhD8&t=144s here's a link to watch it, its worth it :D He certainly picks up on small details, but tends to miss the bigger picture sometimes, which is fun because I believe archie tends to do the opposite. Perhaps his mega glasses are actually designed to reflect this, because they work like horse blinders, and keep maxie looking straight ahead (trust me, I've made a pair of these, and you cannot see someone standing to your immediate side). Looking straight ahead is also relevant to his life goal, of ensuring the bright future of humanity, and as he says: "propel humanity to greater heights of progress and evolution." And that concludes my infodump regarding this one little bio that is no longer available without the wayback machine, and I just wanted to share it with any other Maxie fans out there :D Next I think I might tackle the bigger topic of how Archie and Maxie have so many fun contrasts in personality and more. and then maaayyybe I'll feel comfortable enough sharing my headcannons and theories. But only if people want more lol, I am not good at writing big posts :>

[spacexseven]

Could you do a Yandere Mori or Yandere Fyodor x reader, with an ability that makes them come back to life after being killed. They can die from old age but not by anything else. Maybe they witnessed a crime and had to be silenced but only for Mori or Fyodor to see the ability activate and them come back to life. Either one has never seen this before and it can be extremely useful.

this is so...this is interesting thank you :> i really like the idea of this ability ^^

cw: death, start of yandere themes

fyodor hadn't thought much of it when he unleashed his ability onto you. you, as far as he was concerned, were just another nameless sacrifice in the pursuit of his ultimate goal, just another unimportant person whose fate lead them to die at his hands.

really, that should have been the end of it. fyodor would walk away and everything would continue as normal. your death made no difference to him, your life remained meaningless to him, and your face forgotten already. until a strange noise echoed in the empty alleyway behind him, and fyodor turned around to see an unbelievable sight.

you were standing in the same place he had just killed you, looking perfectly fine except for the blood splattered all over you.

it's only then he notices the defiant look on your face. it only lasts for a moment before you, with a natural ease that simultaneously intrigued and surprised him, pat down your shoulders, arms and legs, as though checking for something. seemingly satisfied, you spare him one last glance before staggering away.

fyodor feels something inside of him fill with a new, strange sensation. something between curiosity and fear; what was this unnatural phenomenon? an ability that defied god's law—how was he supposed to deal with that?

though seeing your retreating figure, fyodor thinks that you don't pose much of a threat, if at all. he wonders again, why he had to kill you. suddenly, his own reasons escape him, following your steps.

stranger than all of that is how you don't return to exact revenge. apart from that fleeting moment of anger, that glare directed right at him. he's curious about the logistics of your return from the dead, but more than that, he's curious about you. how does one walk away from the face of death?

in retrospect, there wasn't any fear in your eyes, though the scent of death was heavy on him, and his murderous intent was poorly veiled. were you already aware that you would not—could not—die, despite the corpses that littered the alleyway, and the merciless look in his eyes?

he glanced at the warm hued sky, and mulled over his options. the detective killer was waiting on his instructions; fyodor was supposed to meet that man at this time, but now, something far more valuable had crossed his path. something worth delaying his plans for.

when he stands beside you on the train platform, you barely spare him a glance. fyodor reaches out a hand, about to place it on your shoulder when you speak up for the first time.

"are you really about to do this here?" you glance around, then, with a sigh, "i'll forget about what i saw. nobody has to know."

"very clever," he remarks, "but i don't want you to forget."

out of the corner of his eye, fyodor notices your hand discreetly slip into your bag. he's anticipating your response, whether it be verbal or physical, but before you can reply, the train groans to a stop and the crowds flood out, taking you with them. fyodor is left standing on the empty platform, looking out on the tracks as he reflects on your words.

what a shame it was that you left when you did. he was looking forward to seeing that defiant glare again, but this would do well, for now. fyodor takes note of the list of stations, recalls the image of you, and decides to leave it at that. there would be other opportunities for him, other chances to find you. if not today, another day.

though he had a feeling that the fateful day would be coming very soon

[gerardpilled]

Tiktok and other forms of photo/video-based social media that extenuates an individual rather than celebrities or art/media has created this weird phenomenon where I don’t think people are capable of telling what genuine behavior is. So many of the videos I see come off so much like people are trying incredibly hard to be considered weird and quirky when it just seems like a plea for attention and comments telling them “you’re so weird/creative!!” this might be a bad faith interpretation of the situation but sometimes I’m like god I wish being kinda boring with “basic” interests that reflect your genuine tastes wasn’t seen as the end of the world. Maybe the first step in the wrong direction was when you decided to connect your face and personality to platforms that consider engagement = self worth…

[livingfictionsystem]

Contemplative Asks: Rune.

1. cosmos: what's one thing you wish you could say to someone you are no longer friends with?

You demanded so much for someone worth so little.

2. galaxies: what are three things you want to do before you die?

-Read my entire TBR list.

-Experience every single astronomical phenomenon possible. Eclipses, northern lights, meteor showers, Halley's comet, etc.

-Meet V.E. Scwab.

3. waxing: what is your proudest accomplishment?

Probably bearing the brunt of our ex's abuse so others didn't have to. Other than that, nothing comes to mind.

4. waning: what is your biggest regret?

The redheaded tyrant.

5. full moon: what type of person do you hope to be?

Stronger. More defiant. More able to say what I'm thinking. And someone who can protect my friends.

6. contemplation: if you could wake up one morning and everything in your life was perfect, what would that look like?

I'd wake up in my loft in the top of my bookshop. (Think Aziraphale's bookshop.) I'd walk down the street and read while sipping coffee and vaping. I'd take a walk in the woods. The moon would be huge. The stars would be impossibly bright. I'd flirt with a gorgeous girl and she'd flirt back; someone kinda goth and kinda butch with dark hair. Probably end the night with a bottle of wine and a film noir movie, just people-watching a group of friends.

7. night light: who/what makes you feel safe?

... Nothing. :/ Though having Vex around is the closest I could get.

8. ponder: what do you want to do with your life?

Just kind of enjoy it and help Sparrow out. I don't really have any lofty goals for myself. I want to see things and experience life, but as far as changing the world or whatever, I'm not, like, ambitious. It'd be cool to write more.

9. sunset: who is someone you thought would be in your life forever, but you no longer talk to?

Apollo. (Previously mentioned redheaded tyrant)

10. midnight: are you a different person late at night than in the early morning?

Definitely more of a night person. I'm functionally nocturnal.

11. candle light: are you an indecisive person?

I backspaced on this answer three times and I feel like that settles it lol

12. reflection: have you ever changed something you liked about yourself to satisfy someone else?

Yes. Especially interests. I used to have a never-ending list of anime and manga for Apollo. I even changed my hair and let him change it as 'his art project.' Kinda makes me sick, now that I think about it.

13. sweet dreams: are you happy?

I'm numb lol I literally don't have any idea what I'm feeling. I spent too long in the Realm of Koh and just forgot the art of expression.

14. nightmare: what are you most afraid of?

Being the only one to survive a disaster that all of my loved ones perished in. Fire, mass-shooting, earthquake, etc. Just the feeling of waking up traumatized and there being No One.

15. constellations: who is someone you could talk to for hours and never stop?

Probably Sound or Vex tbh

16. reminder: who is someone you will never forget?

Addie LaRue. (If you get the reference, you'll think I'm funny lol)

17. 11-11: what's something you want, but feel like you will never have?

For Apollo to have *any* remorse for what he did to Sparrow and I. And Xanthe. And Xhax. And JaK. Sound. Koji. Aberle. The whole system has beef with him, really, but he took eight years from Sparrow and ten years from me, so.

I want him to feel shitty about it. About cracking our ribs and makng up people to blackmail us with and beating us. But he won't.

18. shooting star: who is someone you trust to help you make the right decisions?

My tarot deck lol

19. earth: where do you feel most at home?

Probably my inworld home. (previously mentioned loft in a bookstore, located in insys Montreal)

20. soothe: what's one thing that always makes you feel better when you're upset?

Reading. Umbrella Academy.

21. slumber: what's one thing that helps you fall asleep when it feels impossible?

150 mg of Diphenhydramine rip.

-Rune Reverie Hallows

[the-goldsmith]

You're absolutely right that making content out of spite is very much not a healthy mindset to have, and I appreciate that your original post was about encouraging creatives to do the things they want to do because they like them and not due to any outside pressure. I do think that's something that's always worth bringing up considering today's state of social media/fandom and how frustrating it can be.

Re: your other frustrations:

This now has much less to do with the original tweet and more my own personal projections/speculation.

I believe that while farcille is currently the top ship it will very likely soon be overtaken by an m/m ship, and its progression won't see the uptick that the m/m ships have seen.

The reason I feel this way is that dungeon meshi, before the anime came out, was a decently popular work among people who like yuri. This is obviously because it's easy to read farcille as romantic, and the story revolves in some way around them, so while Falin isn't actually around very often it makes for very good romantic subtext.

Now, unfortunately the number of people who like yuri is proportionally very small, they are used to not getting a lot of content, and are a fairly tightly-knit community. Meaning that once a New Lesbian Thing is discovered, most of the people who are likely to take an interest in it will do so right away. Additionally, himejoshi (getting tired of saying "people who like yuri" lol) are used to consuming manga over anime, since very few yuri anime adaptations get made.

So a good majority of people interested in farcille and willing to make content for it have likely already encountered it before the anime significantly heightened the manga's popularity, which is how we get farcille currently having the most fics out of any other ship on ao3.

Meanwhile, people who enjoy yaoi aren't exactly starved for content, so they can just organically come across new stories once they become popular.

This is all to say that I think farcille has already achieved somewhat close to peak popularity (proportionally to the size of the fandom), and while it will definitely get a bit of a boost once we get to the resurrection scene I don't think even that will be enough to garner much more attention.

On the other hand, labru/other m/m ships have only now started to get content because the larger animanga fandom has set its gaze on dunmeshi for the first time, and the larger animanga fandom tends to like yaoi.

So what I think will happen is that as the dunmeshi anime reaches the more interesting parts of the story and its popularity rises, the rate at which m/m content gets made will soon easily overtake the rate at which farcille content gets made, so the fact that it's still in the lead right now isn't necessarily reassuring. If anything, I'm so sure that this is what will happen that it only makes me dread the day it gets "dethroned" (dramatic choice of words but rest assured I'm not actually that invested in this situation).

As for the faults of the work itself, I agree that part of this phenomenon is to blame on the fact there's just not as many female characters, though one counterpoint I have is that the male characters who get the most spotlight in the story itself (Laios, Chilchuck, Senshi), don't exactly have "yaoiful" dynamics between them, and that's reflected on ao3. The two most popular yaoi ships are between Laios and a guy he has a very limited number of interactions with (significant interactions, but still), and two secondary characters who, again, have a few significant interactions but still not that many. Also, while every element in the story matters as it otherwise wouldn't have been included, these relationships are secondary aspects of the story. They inform the characters, but they're not necessarily integral.

Compare that to how farcille is very much a foundational aspect of the narrative, despite the fact that they also end up not getting to interact that often.

The way I see it there's comparatively a lot more meat on the farcille bone that will go largely unaddressed because fandom, as a rule, would rather focus on secondary dynamics so long as they involve men.

I don't want to make this a case of "my ship is better than yours" though, I really don't care about that, and I think I should add that a lot of my opinions on the matter are informed by similar dynamics in other fandoms and not dunmeshi's necessarily (the anime just came out so it's still a baby fandom in many ways), so this might actually play out differently from what I expect for all I know. Though I don't think it will, because so far it reads as another textbook case.

@the-goldsmith It is, though I didn't know it was a tweet until later, just that I saw people making posts about it in the tag.

And yeah, I don't really blame people for needing to vent about stuff, and I definitely think it's worth talking about fandom trends and how they can reflect misogyny, racism, etc. I do also think the form that this venting takes can slip into bullying sometimes, or just be more stressful than helpful for people involved.

The main reason I made that post was for writers and other fandom creative types. If writing from spite is a good motivator for someone then more power too them, but I'm intimately familiar with the feeling of wanting to "prove" something or change the tide of fandom by writing good enough or often enough about the thing I love. It is always an exhausting and demoralizing thought-spiral to get caught in for me, and truly I hope that the people frustrated by the ao3 stuff don't experience the same thing.

However, to soapbox a little... I also think the framing of the situation (in the original post/tweet/whatever) also is kind of disingenuous. Which isn't really the main point I was originally making but also I do find it frustrating. So I'm gonna talk a little about that too

THESE are the top relationship tags for dunmeshi on ao3:

Mar/Fal is still by far and away the most popular relationship. The reason there is more total M/M is because there are is a larger variety of M/M ships.

There are three major M/M pairings here with over 10 fics, as well as three categories of /Reader fics.

There is basically ONLY Mar/Fal for F/F content. Mar/Izu is the next closest, and most of those fics are pretty old, too. I don't think there will be a ton of focus on that category in the future, due to Izu's age and implied aroace orientation. Beyond that there are 4 Ki/Nam fics, as well as 2 Hien/Benchidori ones not in the screenshot.

And this also can be influenced by people not wanting to focus on female characters. Why isn't there more variety in pairs here? Well... to be honest, I think if we are going to talk about lack of content focused on women, we should also look at the source material.

Because like, don't get me wrong. I love dunmeshi. I think it does well by its female characters. But not THAT well. Marcille and Izutsumi are the only real main female characters. Even if we include Falin in this list, that's only three. Hell, let's even throw in Namari! Compared to Laios, Chilchuck, Senshi, Thistle, Kabru, Mithrun, and Shuro, that's barely over half as many major women as there are men in the story.

It's not an even playing field here, and I frankly think that sucks. I think it is a flaw of the story. And I don't think it gets talked about enough. If people are frustrated about misogyny, I wish they would dig into this too, and not just blame fans. And god, I know that gets touted a lot, the whole 'well it's not my fault that media focuses on men!' thing. I'm not saying that there's no biases in the fandom. But it is frustrating to see people talking about dunmeshi as if it's a super yuri/woman focused story when it just isn't. The lack of variety of female characters is the primary reason that total F/F content is less than M/M, and that problem DIRECTLY traces back to the canon.

[bigskydreaming]

What is it with every fandom under the sun like, COMMITTING to being like ‘here is a character known for self-esteem issues and whose cup overfloweth with insecurities and here is us doubling down on every other character fixating on JUST that specific character as the constant butt of jokes and digs that are totally in good fun even though we’ve literally established at every other point in time.....this character is absolutely shit at determining that they have value, etc, etc.’

Like....that dichotomy will always blow my mind. Its like there’s this incessant need to normalize the idea that you can be aware there’s someone in your friend group or family who is particularly vulnerable to self-worth issues and still be ‘allowed’ to constantly punch down with jokes that dig into their insecurities while claiming ‘oh but as long as you still care about that person, you’re allowed to punch down for the LULZ, its fine.’

I mean, its not that deep most of the time, and so its usually not worth turning into a big issue every single time this sorta thing happens in media (and in fanfics), but it adds up in a death of a thousand papercuts kinda thing, and I just.

Idk, guys. I’m just saying its pretty damn interesting that the ‘other characters constantly belittling one specific friend all in the name of good fun’ phenomenon seems to without fail single out the specific character who is MOST prone to self-esteem issues, instead of like....literally any other character. Its comparatively rarely a case of ‘characters poking harmless fun at each from across an equal playing field’.

But nope. The problem I have is how often, across fandoms, you can make a Venn diagram where “Character Least Likely To Interpret Being Made Fun of as Actually Being ‘All In Good Harmless Fun’” and “Character Most Widely Targeted By Other Characters As The One To Make Fun Of” are one single overlapping circle.

That’s just....kinda interesting, don’t you think?

Almost like even while milking some characters’ insecurities and self-esteem issues for the angst, there remains a concerted effort to normalize that you can be aware of someone’s self-worth issues and still manage to justify why as long as you can still claim ‘oh but I’m their friend, I care about them, so its fine,’ thus its totally not a big deal to consistently target them with ‘harmless’ humor that nevertheless is still a clear case of punching down.

What if that weren’t the case though? What if you had to actually like....pick, between someone’s self-esteem and being able to fall back on punch-down humor at someone else’s expense whenever you need a pick-me-up?

What if there isn’t ACTUALLY a way to balance both, because even just conceptually, these things are directly in opposition to each other, and always were?

It’d almost be like....wow, that entire dynamic, upheld as socially acceptable across pretty much every fandom I can think of, could be like...inherently just...not as funny as people insist it is, perhaps out of defensiveness and an unspoken sense that “mayhaps I see myself and my own real life behavior reflected in this dynamic and that’s why I continually uphold and reinforce it in fics and seek it out in media, even while otherwise hyper-focusing in on the angstiness of these very same characters being riddled with self-esteem issues that can’t POSSIBLY be helped by being the constant butt of even ‘well-meaning and harmless and yet nevertheless somehow still barbed’ jokes.”

Buuuuut I’m sure there’s absolutely nothing to that.

[z0ruas]

“Identifying with” vs “Identifying as”

by Jaime for “Blood and Visions: Womyn Reconciling with Being Female”

“Growing up I identified with the other little boys a lot, and with the other girls almost not at all. I identified with the rough and tumble lifestyle of the boys, and with their carefree adventuring. The girls in the neighborhood would tag along with the boys at times, but it was always tagging along. The girls were never the Captain. When the boys played street hockey, the girls came too, but they sat on the sidelines and cheered and talked. I played, of course, until I was about 9 years old and despite the extra pads and helmet my dad made me wear, he decided that it was too rough and that I couldn’t play with the boys anymore. He was right, of course, the boys were rough, but so was I! I identified with the boys.

“When I watched TV and saw a married couple, I always identified with the husband. I knew that when I eventually married that I wanted to be the one providing for the family, doling out wisdom and discipline, and being left alone to pursue my own intellectual interests whenever I wasn’t doing one of those things. That’s what I saw. I certainly didn’t identify with the idea of rearing the children and devoting my life to child, family, and house care. I wanted to be an independent person inside of a family support system. I saw that in the husband’s position.

“When I was a teenager and the young men around me were obsessed with music, body modification, and girls, I identified with them. I knew other young dykes, but the ones that I knew seemed more obsessed with being queer* than anything else, and I couldn’t relate. I identified with the simplicity of being an adolescent male, in part because nothing was really expected of them. At 15 my then-girlfriend started calling me her boyfriend and I bound for the first time. My male friends treated me like ‘one of the guys,’ which is to say, as a completely distinct phenomenon from the other females. I was able to opt out of the gross objectification of my female peers, largely through this understanding of my identification. 

“As a young adult, my identification with became my identification as. The lines had blurred, and I no longer saw the distinction - if I had seen it at all up until that point. I became one of the young men, instead of the one female allowed in our boys’ club. My identity was affirmed from all directions in my social circle.

“It wasn’t until many years later that I really had to start detangling the differences between identifying with the men in my life, versus identifying as a man. I think that if I had had Butch women or other young Butches in my life at some of these critical moments, I would have identified with them, instead of males. The sad fact is that Butch women and the Butch experience is not really something that is accessible or visible to the vast majority of our youth. As a young person, so much of one’s sense of self is shaped by one’s role models, that it seems no wonder that a young GNC female would feel identity and kinship with males.

“I am most motivated by myself ten or twenty years ago to keep pushing and keep being visible. It is sometimes very hard to stand up and talk about my dysphoria or my transition, but I think it’s worth it for future generations. Our young Butches and GNC females need to see their lives and experiences reflected in a way that is positive about being female and accepting one’s body. I just want to be the example that I wish I had as a child. If I can show even one young woman that she is completely in charge of her body and the way she uses it to express herself, then I will have accomplished my goal. I think there are a lot of us that need this healing visibility.”

[justyvettethings]

My thoughts on the afterlife

Signs you might be an old soul

Important: This is my opinion and I don't engage anyone with it. I know this topic may be sensitive to some of you, so I need to clarify that

< Drawing - credit to the owner>

How I imagine the afterlife

After reading tons of esoteric materials and listening to my inner voice I formed my opinion on reincarnation and the existence of the afterlife and I will share just a short amount of it, because the topic is huge

-> Yes, there's life after death; yes, there's a process of reincarnation of the souls; no, there's no judgment day, at least in the way the majority of religious people understand it; I believe the Earth is hell and the outer space - paradise; We reincarnate in the Earth to improve ourselves spiritually and to learn the lesson we need to learn in order to achieve this mission; When in the afterlife we continue to learn (alone or collectively); I imagine this space as enormous and dark but not all souls are dark - this depends on their spiritual level and how they lived on Earth. The exalted souls are like bright spheres (white, gold, silver, light blue, light green and so on), but the degraded ones are in dark colors. Another interesting fact you may not know is that babies are born with little holes in their skull called fontanelles. It's a popular belief in my country that when a baby is born and the fontanelles are still open, it remembers the memories and experiences from the outer space. When the holes close, this connection stops. My point is that babies till their 3rd birthday can share some of their memories from the afterlife, but parents often might get confused.

So in that line of thinking some souls are on higher spiritual level than others. This doesn't have anything to do with how many times the soul has reincarnated - everything is individual and every individual takes responsibility for their own actions. Still, most wise souls, who shine bright, logically may have more experience than others. These I call old souls.

What I think is an old soul

We talk about an old soul when the spiritual part of our existence (our precious soul) has reached high level of moral consciousness or it might have been reincarnatated a lot of times, as a result of which is wiser than others.

How to know you might be an old soul

Old souls are not rare. Maybe half of the population possess an old soul (whether they realize it or not is a topic for some other time). So if you think you might be an old soul you should know that it doesn't make you special, because there are tons other people like you.

1. Let's start from childhood.

A child may feel older than its physical age and think/behave more like an adult. The physical growth can start earlier (for example a child starts to speak and form real sentences way earlier than "normal"). It can have problems communicating with peers, because it behaves more like an older person (this happened to me in kindergarten). The child with an old soul will feel better when in the company of adults and will be really respectful to teachers. My parents told me they didn't see the need to discipline or educate me that much, because I was already behaving in this way. If you remember feeling like you didn't belong with the kids your age and felt kinda like an alien, there's a huge chance you might be an old soul. A child with an old soul may behave older than the parents, bacause the spiritual level doesn't have anything to do with physical age or the hierarchy on Earth. If that's the case, the parents may need to learn a lesson from their child.

< Author's note: When I was a child till this day I feel like there's a 100 years old man within me, and I'm currently 20 and a woman. Is this a coincidence? I don't think so>

2. Teenage and young adult period

You might skip your "crazy teenager" stage, because you felt like an old ass retiree who loves animals more than humans. A young person with an old soul may feel like going to a party and get wasted is not exactly their jam. And here I should mention something important -> There's a link between introversion and old souls, because I never met anyone, who I think might possess an old soul and who doesn't have introvert tendencies. Another important thing worth mentioning - no one is 100% introvert or extrovert, but people lean more on a particular side. Same with astrology and zodiac sign - we have all the signs in us and we represent their energy in different situations; no one is 100% a certain zodiac sign. So when you're young you'll be really responsible, accountable and collected person, all thanks to your souls wisdom. Depending on your character there's a chance that you'll kinda hate/avoid people and will have rich inner world. An old soul may carry talents, affinities to certain things and hobbies from the previous reincarnations (Mozart is the perfect example).

3. Adulthood and retirement

If a soul is born old, it'll grow young with time. I call this phenomenon reverse aging and link it to the zodiac sign of Capricorn. I think this archetype is the perfect example of an old soul. As an adult, the person will feel like the restains, which they alone put around themselves, will come loose the older in age they become. An old soul in it's adulthood may feel the sudden need to do something crazy, full of adrenaline, because their soul will reach its young age and that will give reflection on the said person's behavior. Imagine a granny bungee jumping - she'll either be a Capricorn or have an old soul in its young stage. Cute and adorable indeed.

[aro-comics]

Fashion Analysis (Part 2: Outside of Amatonormativity Alone)

[Note: This post is a part of a series analyzing self-expression, fashion, aromanticism, and how they interact with other parts of identity. For full context please read the whole thing!]

Outside of Amatonormativity Alone: Sexism, Homophobia (and/or Transphobia), Racism, Ableism, and Other Factors That can Impact Self Expression 

My comic was originally meant to be a light hearted joke. I’d always been told I’d want to dress up one day, be pretty and feminine once I fell in love with a boy (BLEGH). I was so certain that I would never do that, and now … here we are. I put lots of effort into my appearance, present feminine, all in the hopes I’ll impress a very special someone - a potential employer at a networking event. I think there’s a certain irony to all of this, and I do find it funny that I managed to both be wrong and completely subvert amatonormative stereotypes! 

But having the chance to think about the whole situation, I realize now that my changes in presentation reflect far more. The pressure I felt to dress differently are still influenced by fundamental forms of discrimination in society, and I would be remiss to not address these inherent factors that were tied with my experiences alongside my aromanticism. So in this section, I will briefly cover some of these factors and summarize how they can influence people’s self expression as a whole, before discussing my own experiences and how these factors all intersect. 

Sexism

The pressure on women In This Society to uphold arbitrary norms is ever present and often harmful, and while I wish I had the time to discuss the impacts of every influence the patriarchy has on personal expression, to even try to cover a fraction of it would be impractical at best for this essay. Instead, since the original comic focuses on professionalism and presentation, this is what I will talk about here. 

Beauty standards are a specific manifestation of sexism that have a deep impact on how people perceive women. It’s a complicated subject that’s also tied with factors like capitalism, white supremacy, classism, and more, but to summarize the main sentiment: Women are expected to be beautiful. Or at least, conform to the expectations of “feminine” “beauty” as ascribed by the culture at large. 

They also tend to be considered exclusively as this idea that "women need to be beautiful to secure their romantic prospects, which subsequently determines their worth as human beings. The problematic implications of this sentiment have been called out time and time again (and rightfully so), however there is an often overlooked second problematic element to beauty standards, as stated in the quote below: 

“Beauty standards are the individual qualifications women are expected to meet in order to embody the “feminine beauty ideal” and thus, succeed personally and professionally” 

- Jessica DeFino. (Source 1) 

… To succeed personally, and professionally. 

The “Ugly Duckling Transformation” by Mina Le (Source 2) is a great video essay that covers the topic of conforming to beauty standards through the common “glow up” trope present in many (female focused) films from the early 2000s. 

“In most of these movies, the [main character] is a nice person, but is bullied or ignored because of her looks.”

Mina Le, (timestamp 4:02-4:06)

Generally, by whatever plot device necessary, the ugly duckling will adopt a new “improved” presentation that includes makeup, a new haircut, and a new wardrobe. While it is not inherently problematic for a woman to be shown changing to embrace more feminine traits, there are a few problems with how the outcomes of these transformations are always depicted and what they imply. For starters, this transformation is shown to be the key that grants the protagonist her wishes and gives her confidence and better treatment by her peers. What this is essentially saying is that women are also expected to follow beauty standards to be treated well in general, not only in a romantic context, and deviation from these norms leads to the consequences of being ostracized. 

The other problematic element of how these transformations are portrayed are the fact that generally the ONLY kind of change that is depicted in popular media is one in the more feminine direction. Shanspeare, another video essayist on YouTube, investigates this phenomenon in more detail in “the tomboy figure, gender expression, and the media that portrays them” (Source 4). In this video, Shaniya explains that “tomboy” characters are only ever portrayed as children - which doesn’t make any sense at face value, considering that there ARE plenty of masculine adult women in real life. But through the course of the video (and I would highly recommend giving it a watch! It is very good), it becomes evident that the “maturity” aspect of coming of age movies inherently tie the idea of growth with “learning” to become more feminine. Because of the prevalence of these storylines (as few mainstream plots will celebrate a woman becoming more masculine and embracing gender nonconformity) it becomes clear that femininity is fundamentally associated with maturity. It also implies that masculinity in women is not only not preferred, it is unacceptable to be considered mature. Both of these sentiments are ones that should be questioned, too. 

Overall, I think it is clear that these physical presentation expectations, even if not as restrictive as historical dress codes for women have been, are still inherently sexist (not to mention harmful by also influencing people to have poor self image and subsequent mental health disorders). Nobody should have to dress in conformity with gender norms to be considered “acceptable”, not only desirable, which leads us to the second part of this section. 

Homophobia (and/or Transphobia)

So what happens when women don’t adhere to social expectations of femininity? (Or in general, someone chooses to present in a way that challenges the gender binary and their AGAB, but for the sake of simplicity I will discuss it from my particular lens as a cis woman who is pansexual). 

There are a lot of nuances, of course, to whether it’s right that straying from femininity as a woman (or someone assumed to be a woman) will automatically get read a certain way by society. But like it or not, right or not, if you look butch many people WILL see you as either gay, (or trans-masculine, which either way is not a cishet woman). This is tied to the fact that masculinity is something historically associated with being WLW (something we will discuss later). 

This association of breaking gender norms in methods of dress with being perceived as a member of the LGBTQ+ community has an influence on how people may choose to express themselves, because LGBTQ+ discrimination is very real, and it can be very dangerous in many parts of the world. 

I think it’s very easy to write off claims in particular that women are pressured into dressing femininely when it is safer to do so in your area; but I really want to remind everyone that not everyone has the luxury of presenting in a gender non-conforming way. This pressure to conform does exist in many parts of the world, and can be lethal when challenged.

And even if you’re not in an extremely anti-LGBTQ+ environment/places that are considered “progressive” (like Canada), there are still numerous microagressions/non-lethal forms of discrimination that are just as widespread. According to Statistics Canada in 2019: 

Close to half (47%) of students at Canadian postsecondary institutions witnessed or experienced discrimination on the basis of gender, gender identity or sexual orientation (including actual or perceived gender, gender identity or sexual orientation).

(Source 3)

Fundamentally this additional pressure that exists when one chooses to deviate from gender norms is one that can not be ignored in the conversation when it comes to how people may choose to express themselves visually, and I believe the impacts that this factor has and how it interacts with the other factors discussed should be considered. 

Neurodivergence (In general): 

In general, beauty standards/expectations for how a “mature” adult should dress can often include clothing that creates sensory issues for many autistic people. A thread on the National Austistic Forum (Source 6) contains a discussion where different austistic people describe their struggles with formal dress codes and the discomfort of being forced to wear stiff/restrictive clothing, especially when these dress codes have no practical purpose for the work they perform. If you’re interested in learning more on this subject, the Autisticats also has a thread on how school dress codes specifically can be harmful to Autistic people (Source 7). 

In addition to potentially dressing differently (which as we have already covered can be a point of contention in one’s perception and reception by society as a whole), neurodivergence is another layer of identity that tends to be infantilized. Eden from the Autsticats has detailed their experiences with this in source 5. 

Both of these factors can provide a degree of influence on how people choose to express themselves and/or how they may be perceived by society, and are important facets of a diverse and thoughtful exploration of the ways self-expression can be impacted by identity. 

Also, while on this topic, I just want to take a chance to highlight the fact that we should question what is considered “appropriate”, especially “professionally appropriate”, because the “traditional” definitions of these have historically been used to discriminate against minorities. Much of what gets defined as “unprofessional” or otherwise “inappropriate” has racist implications - as an example, there is a history of black hairstyles being subjected to discriminatory regulation. Other sources I have provided at the end of this document (8 and 9) list examples of these instances.  

Racism (being Chinese, specifically in this case): 

For this section, I won’t be going into much depth at all, because I actually have a more detailed comic on this subject lined up. 

So basically, if you were not aware, East Asian (EA) people tend to be infantilized and viewed as more childish (Source 10). In particular, unless an EA woman is super outgoing and promiscuous (the “Asian Bad Girl” stereotype, see Source 10), IN MY OPINION AND EXPERIENCE it’s easy to be type casted as the other end of the spectrum: the quiet, boring nerd. On top of this too, I’ve had experiences with talking to other EA/SEA people - where they themselves would repeatedly tell me that “Asians are just less mature”,  something about it being a “cultural thing” (Yeah … I don’t know either. Maybe it’s internalized racism?). 

Either way, being so easily perceived as immature (considering everything discussed so far) is also tied to conformity to beauty standards and other factors such as sexism and homophobia, which I believe makes for a complex intersection of identity. 

[Note from Author: For Part 3, click here!]

[romchomp]

10 Good Romances from 2020

10. The Half of it [movie: on Netflix]

This is at number ten mostly because it’s not technically a romance, but I thought it was worth fitting on this list somewhere considering it’s themes of longing, friendships, and familial bonds. It’s a slower paced film but it works in the story’s favor for the most part. You do end up wanting to see more by the end, more so because it doesn’t feel like much happens in the film other than the characters were engaging. One of the stronger points might just be the clear love and passion put into this project by Alice Wu. This was crafted with careful hands and I have a lot of respect for it. The engagement factor was it’s fault.

9. Happiest Season [movie: on Hulu]

Happiest Season is a Christmas romance movie that had a significant amount of talk around it for most of 2020 and of course it did, it’s a lesbian holiday film. It’s largely a comedic film, though the plot is the journey of someone coming out to their conservative family. It serves its purpose well. It’s entertaining, funny, and features Kristen Stewart.

8. Ao no Flag/ Blue Flag [manga]

You could also probably argue that Ao no Flag isn’t a romance but I'd have to disagree in this case with it's major themes questioning the boundaries between platonic and romantic feelings. It also makes attempts at examining and looking into sexuality, although sloppily. At times even negative, but the intent never felt insincere . The art style is absolutely beautiful. The main three are wonderful. It would have benefited from a more thought out plot but it’s good for what it is.

7. My Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom [anime]

A sweet and hilarious fantasy romance with a unique premise. The anime has a cast of very endearing (although also incredibly dense) characters. It’s not at all what I’d expect from an otome-turned-isekai harem. It’s outrageous and has a vast love web to complicate matters, but all the characters are well meaning enough that it’s all quite fun to watch. This anime, if anything, is an interesting phenomenon and actually pretty clever. I’d strongly recommend it.

6. Love is War S2 [anime]

It has continued to be hilarious. More side characters are involved and the old ones have only been more active in the plots of this season. Production continues to be phenomenal. There’s not too much to say on this one. It doesn’t stray from the first season, so if you like that you’ll like this.

5. Feel Good [tv series: on Netflix]

The chemistry between the main two characters is amazing and what keeps the show so engaging. I watched the whole thing in one night. While entertaining, there are plenty of frustrating scenes as well and events and pieces of dialogue that I wish were written differently. The series is short, at only 6 episodes but manages to bring an emotional experience. Drug addiction is a heavy theme in the series along with loneliness, poor friendships, dependency, and codependency. I’d say it’s a drama with lots of wit. It’s a solid Netflix original if you have the time to watch it.

4. Adachi to Shimamura [anime]

With it’s slow pacing and confusing message via the alien character (if you know then you know), Adachi and Shimamura’s enjoyment relies on the characters, and the main two certainly carried the series. While the chemistry between them was questionable, their dynamic and their inner monologues reflecting on the relationship resonated with my own high school experiences to such a personal degree that these characters have become all time favorites of mine. I have to say that the mangaka did a really good job at capturing the experience of when queerness and friendship intertwine. Of course if you can’t relate to the characters this will be hard to watch, but give it try.

3. Fruits Basket S2 [anime]

Massively improved in soundtrack and execution compared to the first season of the reboot. Season two remains loyal to the manga’s story (which was expected) so naturally there’s more drama and deeper development given to a majority of the characters. It was by all means a good second season and I look forward to the finale.

2. Normal People [tv series: on Hulu]

Normal People is the type of story that emphasizes the flaws in people more than the strengths, but doesn’t polarize the characters and allows them to be relatable and human. Both main characters are deeply insecure, and end up being the only person they openly talk about their insecurities with. The story is divided by different phases of the main characters’ lives (high school, college, post). This structure serves for a sort of yin and yang narrative between the main characters not only in personality, but in their position in life at a given time. The camera work is simple, but beautiful. So much of the show is just talking and yet I was always fully captivated. If you have Hulu please give it a shot.

1. A Summer’s End- Hong Kong 1986 [visual novel]

The relationship between the two girls was rushed, but never to the point of ruining my enjoyment and the leads remained endearing and likable. The dialogue was dry at times, however it was sincere and delivered well in emotional scenes. With gorgeous visuals and an enticing soundtrack, it’s clear the visual novel was a passion project taking into consideration the independent studio behind it (Oracle and Bone). Despite its flaws I think the positives make up for it enough to create an emotive experience. I couldn’t recommend it enough.

[list is also on my blog if you want to check that out]

[theflashdriver]

Summer Nights (A Silvaze Fanfic)

This evening’s predicament was a creeping inevitability the Blaze had been powerless to escape. She had been unable to perceive its advancement directly, but the princess had monitored the gradually mounting evidence. More often than not, she’d arrive in one of the palace’s rooms only to find its windows were already open. On her rare ventures into town, she’d found the streets mired by ice-cream vendors and citizens wielding frozen treats. Even the lengthening of days had made her aware of the change occurring.

But, of course, Southern Island’s summer shift in temperature had been most obvious to Blaze through her partner. Silver the hedgehog was many things but subtle wasn’t one of them. The psychic didn’t whine often, only when he was seriously perplexed, but his emotions tended to manifest themselves in other ways. He’d smile so radiantly whenever he was happy, shout so casually in defiance of injustices, hide his tears so poorly and blush whenever she dared to pierce his armour of obliviousness.

For the past week he’d fought the heat, trying his hardest to appear unphased. She’d aided in his consumption of a frankly unhealthy volume of ice-cream, numerous quarts per day, and spent far more time with him in the island’s waters than she could truly spare. Watching him revert from being over excited to wear clothes, donning comfortable hoodies that she’d happily steal and owning a slightly overlarge wardrobe, to a mostly unclothed state had certainly been an experience. These were mere quirks though, surface level changes in his nature that she could easily overlook. He’d gone through similar phases before, when the psychic had first arrived in her world he’d spent night after night sleeping atop a hill and watching the stars.

Tonight however, regardless of the hedgehog’s apparent attempts to dull his reaction, Blaze couldn’t ignore his irregularity. He’d tried his hardest to lie still for a good full hour only to ease gently up and flip his pillow before returning to resume their spooning. During the hour that followed, Blaze had felt him shift away from her in the tiniest and most awkwardly slight of increments until his arms had been reaching for the feline rather than holding her. He’d eventually dared, after much trepidation and in the gentlest manner possible, to completely release her before cautiously shifting into a back to back position. He’d even pealed the covers from himself and carefully bundled them against the princess, leaving himself fully exposed.

Her silk sheets were thin, the balcony door was ajar and there was some space between them, but she supposed those boons were being undercut by the palace’s lack of air conditioning and her own body. Silver was clearly too hot to sleep. It was a phenomenon that Blaze understood, albeit one that she was incapable of personally experiencing.

Across her life, the downsides of her pyrokinetic condition had been far more blatant than the positives. Tonight’s hindsight had hardly made up for that, but it had granted her a greater insight into her partner and the world at large. In one peculiar aspect, she was fortunate; her affinity for flames kept her body naturally hot so the changing of seasons mostly went unfelt. Just as snowflakes would evaporate whenever they sought refuge within her fur, the warm air that surrounded them was cool in comparison to her natural temperature. It took a serious change to phase her, like the enveloping embrace of the sea or the unequivocal presence of lava, but such feelings would quickly fade once she reached some form of sanctity.

A sigh escaped hedgehog behind her, soon followed by the second soft pillow flip of the night. Despite the modicum of amusement she got from this whole ordeal, maintaining her current sleeping façade felt cruel. He had been so delicate in all his shifts, clearly concerned for her sleep more than his overheating. The past month had been busy, she’d been making public appearances and spent hours in meetings daily, and he’d clearly picked up on that. His concern had been palpable in recent evenings and it’d manifested in a handful of ways. Finding that dinner would be ready just as work ended, the overly common offer of a back rub and his willingness to lounge with her in the evenings rather than go stargazing had made it all so very clear.

A yawn broke through her lips and, in its wake, she decided to speak, “You know, if you’re too hot, you don’t have to sleep here, Silver.”

“I-I’m sorry, have I kept you up?” He quickly apologised, panic plain in his tone.

“You’re so naïve,” She hummed, rolling over only to find that his back was still too her, “I can tell that you’re struggling; how could I possibly sleep with that being the case?”

“Sorry,” He glumly repeated, “It’s just too hot. I can’t sleep.”

“I could tell as much,” Blaze reiterated, growing a smirk.

“But I don’t want to leave either, it doesn’t feel right,” The hedgehog quickly continued, “If I can handle all we have up until now, I should be able to sleep through a little bit of heat.”

“You should, but I can’t imagine lying next to me is helping,” Her curiosity had been piqued by his later statement, “Actually, what is the difference between tonight and the future we shared? Surely if you could sleep there then here should be far easier.”

“Well, um,” He finally rolled over and Blaze had to hold back a snicker at the sight of him, “I’m not sure how to describe it,” The hedgehog’s quills half covered his face and the heat was plain on his cheeks, “The city was dry and hot but here it’s wet and hot. There’s a massive difference.”

“Lava ran through the streets. Even I could feel it,” She reached across, improving his vision with a single brush of her hand, “How can this possibly be worse?”

“It’s the sweat to be honest. I’m just not used to sweating like this, I’m not even doing anything. In the future I was always exhausted to and that made sleep come easily, I’ve not come remotely close to battling monsters today,” That was true, any moment of true peace in their prior life had quickly led to sleep, “Sweating helped in the city, but it just doesn’t here. I’m soaking and it’s keeping me wide awake.”

“I know I’m not helping with that,” She watched him frown at her claim and felt herself swallow. Despite how pessimistic she could be about her abilities; the time traveller was always positive. That was why he hadn’t left, it made total sense and so completely suited him. That was what this was about, nothing else. It was such an unabashedly naïve mentality, and foolishly blunt, but so purely him, “Silver…”

“I’m not leaving you. I know there are guest rooms but that’s not the point,” He grumbled, flipping onto his back to stare at the ceiling, “I just have to get used to it, that’s all.”

With that shift, his quills had gotten even messier. Beneath the frustration at his physical situation, it was clear to Blaze the he was mentally toiling too. The hedgehog cared so very openly, so wholeheartedly, that she couldn’t help but grin, despite how silly he was being. She’d fallen in love with him for a variety of reasons, not the least of them being how staunchly he’d advocate for her birth right of flames. Even when she’d tried to smother them, even when she’d rather forget them, he’d always been so positive about them. That same positivity had led to prior situations similar to this, whether she’d accidentally burnt a meal or the hedgehog himself, he’d never speak badly of her power.

Despite knowing the discomfort it might bring, tender as she could be, Blaze scooted across the bedsheets to lie closer to him. Her hand breached the bedsheets and fingertips arrived to pace through his chest fur, finding it more unkempt than usual. Even though the moon was far from shining through the balcony doors, the princess could see her partner almost perfectly in the teal glow of his cyan palms. Everything from his sun kissed muzzle to the length of his nose to the furrow of his brow as he attempted to ignore the embarrassment born both from his foolishness and her new position.

That look prompted her to move even closer. Through the dark, her lips found his cheek and softly pressed against it. Even if she couldn’t sense it through the air, Blaze could feel his warmth on her lips. He was sweaty too but, compared to lip-lock following a spar or a serious battle, the hedgehog was frankly sweet. Still, that confirmation made her all the more interesting in what he was feeling.

“What’s does it feel like?” She pried.

“W-Warm, gentle, soft…” He mumbled, his hand rising to rub his cheek, “Wonderful.”

Her once small grin caved inward, generating a blush and drew out her serious tone, “Not the kiss, temperature. Being hot or cold or somewhere in between, all at the whim of the weather, how does it feel?”

“Oh, um,” His embarrassment grew, even in the dark his redness was palpable. Atop his misunderstanding, Silver had clearly never considered how to explain what he was feeling, “It’s uncomfortable now but it’s nice a lot of the time. Catching a cold wind on a day like today is wonderful, feeling its rustle through my fur is refreshing like a good night’s sleep. On a chilly day I almost feel attracted to warmth, I bundle closer to you because it feels like I’ve escaped the cold and found safety,” He managed to say, “I don’t think I can explain it properly but when it’s too cold you want to be hot and when it’s too hot you want to be cold, you seek out what you don’t have. My fur is white so it helps reflect the sun but doesn’t help with heat like this.”

“I see,” She hummed, muting her prior outburst, “So weather can make things more difficult but causes perhaps otherwise simple things to bring you joy?”

“Yeah, cold things feel good on hot days, hot things feel good on cold days,” He succinctly put, his yellow eyes finally settling on her face, “Being with you on cold nights makes this more than worth it. I’d endure a hundred hot days for a single cold one with you.”

“You don’t have to, you can spend a hot night or two in another room and I’ll still be here in the winter,” She caught herself speaking too quickly again. Just as she’d embarrassed him, he’d managed to slip beyond her stoicism and take a firm grasp on her heartstrings, “You’re so naïve.”

“What’s it like for you? Can you even tell that tea is hot? Are cold drinks the same as warm ones for you?” He followed up.

“Oh, I can tell when a drink is ice cold and a meal is piping hot,” She quickly confirmed before falling prey to greater speculation, “Though, I suppose the difference may not be as pronounced as how you feel it. Perhaps my threshold for what’s acceptable greatly differs,” They were getting off topic, “Regardless, it takes an exceptional change in our surroundings for me to feel what you are now. To experience what you are, I’d have to sleep in an ice bath or by a lava river,” She gave it a thought, natural temperatures weren’t the sort she most often felt, “I feel hot more commonly than cold, but I suppose I don’t in the same way that you do. I can feel the heat that I create, be it literal fire or otherwise, but that’s never uncomfortable in the way you describe. I don’t seek out the cold when I’m alight, my temperature could keep rising and I’d be unphased. It’s not the same as natural heat, it’s just… hot.”

“I’m not sure I understand,” Silver admitted, “I guess we’re describing alien experiences to each other.”

It was true but, after twiddling with his chest fur for a moment longer, she managed to think things out just a little more clearly, “My flames are part of me so, while I feel their heat, it doesn’t affect me. I suppose they also allow me to ignore more mundane forms of heat, up to a certain point.”

“Oh, okay. It’s like your just more insulated because you’re already used to a certain kind of heat?” The hedgehog hummed.

“I suppose so,” She answered, but her mind had begun to drift.

Beyond the hedgehog’s shoulder was her alarm clock, only just lit enough that she could make out its face. It was quarter past one, they’d already breached the next day. She was tired, that much was undeniable, but exhaustion wasn’t enough to dissuade her. The feline hadn’t worked much today, she’d been in and out of meetings but neither had sparred nor trained. Well, it wasn’t as though he could sleep, why not take advantage?

Blaze sat up in bed, allowing the covers to tumble loose. With a yawn, she brushed back her hair with her fingers and cast a glance down her frame. Black spat shorts and a loose white tank top were hardly the ideal garb for this plan but, with the addition of a nearby dressing gown and a set of slippers, she supposed they would suffice. Silver was staring at him, confusion in his glowing eyes.

“Seeing as you refuse to leave my side, and that you’re never going to sleep at this rate, we’re going out,” The feline slipped off of the edge of the bed and into a set of soft black slippers, “Let’s go where the air is cool.”

“What, now? Where?” His surprise fell on deaf ears as she wrapped herself up in a black dressing gown with baggy sleeves and a length that stretched well beyond her knee. It was his of course but he hardly needed it, even in Winter, so she’d found herself donning it more and more often.

The princess paced away from the bed, throwing a glance through the balcony door. It was a dark and cloudy night, hardly the sort for stargazing. Well, hardly the sort the regular people would spend stargazing. There was a place that they could always go, where the air would be cooler and the sky would be clear.

She glanced back only to find that Silver had stumbled out of bed, his quills cursed with pre-emptive bedhead. Not only were his front quills bedraggled but the pack pair had fanned out as a result of him lying on his back, giving the appearance that he had wings. He had managed to shuffle into his own pair of slippers, a fluffy grey set, but wore no garb beside them. The moment that he was within reach, she snatched up his hand and led him onto the outdoor landing.

The air was still, and the night bordered on being silent, as she cast her gaze across the dark garden bellow. Though his presence would light the area, she doubted he’d find much in the way of coolness down there. They had to go higher. Casually, Blaze released his hand but snuck her arm up his shoulder.

The hedgehog looked so confused, she leaned into him, “Let’s go visit the stars.”

He finally understood. Without another moment of hesitation, cyan energy began to coreless around the pyrokinetic. Blaze felt herself lighten before she slipped briefly into the air. He caught her legs, carrying her in an almost bridal style. The energy ebbed from him, flowing to encase his frame. His quills straightened and fluffed up as all that was white became teal. Gingerly, the hedgehog took a floating step to land on the balcony wall.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Blaze?” As he questioned, she moved in, “It is pretty la-

Her lips found his, cutting him off before he began to overthink this, “If it’ll help you cool off and sleep well then of course I do,” The hedgehog was blushing, she could see it through his aura, “Besides, we haven’t seen the stars tonight.”

That was enough to convince him to kick off and into the air. They glided slowly upward, and Blaze felt the wind part her fur. Though his frame was encased in psychic energy, she could see the slight drag of his flight rustling through his quills.

While she had once feared heights, reuniting with her partner had inspired a sort of enjoyment of them. She’d still been tense about them at first but, as had been the case in that other timeline, traveling with him had eased her fear. Once she could barely stand on her balcony, now she could happily sit amongst the clouds. Being with him made it easier of course, but she could still manage more now than she ever could before.

Seeing the sky on nights like this had helped with that growth too. Above them the cosmos stretched out endlessly, encompassing more than either time traveller could surely comprehend. Southern Island didn’t have much in the way of light pollution so the greater universe was usually clear to see but, with the clouds blocking out all evidence of civilisation, the sky was perfect. Even the stretching spiral arms of galaxies were totally visible. It was the kind of sky that most would only see once in a lifetime, yet it was so casually at her fingertips.

It was only in these rare moments that the true colouration of the universe became clear to her. The sky wasn’t just some black canvas with white speckles dotted across it, the universe was endlessly colourful. The emptiness was a deep dark blue but, no point in the sky was truly empty. The blueness was born from the light of a billion stars stretching out in endless directions, coming in all shapes and at all manner of distance. Some had more of a purple sheen to them, others a much purer white. Regardless, the moon’s presence, amongst yet separate from the rest of the cosmos, was that of a waxing crescent, only a night away from entirely vanishing.

“Is it better up here?” She asked, finally breaking her gaze from the sky.

“The wind is nice, the view is too,” He practically purred, “But just being here with you is nicer.”

Blaze rolled her eyes, “I want to know if this is helping Silver, first and foremost.”

“It is, it’s a lot more comfortable,” He more truthfully answered, “I’m not sure how long I can keep flying though. We’re not at risk of falling or anything, it’s just pretty late; I’m just tired.”

“Then let’s use this opportunity to tire you out properly,” She suggested, “The longer we stay up here, the less energy you’ll have to fight off sleep.”

She could tell that all he’d said was true by his body language alone. While the hedgehog’s usual serious gaze had been replaced with a far dopier one, all stiffness had faded from his shoulders and a small grin refused to leave his muzzle. Being up here really was helping.

Gently, but with intent, she pushed against his chest and felt him shift in the air. In a matter of moments he went from floating upright to lying on his back, almost settled atop a bed of clouds. He’d have fit in with them if it weren’t for the glowing energy that surrounded his being.

He looked perplexed as she stared down at him, “I thought you wanted to watch the stars?”

“The brightest star in the sky is right in front of me,” She countered, easing herself to lay more comfortably.

Her legs straddled his waist as she laid chest to chest with him, crossing her arms and setting her chin upon them. He didn’t seem to know where to stare, at her or the stars above, and her flustering comment likely hadn’t aided in that debate. He’d compared her to a star so often but, truth be told, he was far more like one than her. The hedgehog would take to the air so casually, it was almost as though he belonged up here with the night sky. While she had shunned her flames for so long, he’d glittered and shone for as long as she’d known him.

“You’re very light,” He mumbled, finally settling to look at her.

“Silver, you can lift buildings with the wave of your hand. Your understanding of light and heavy isn’t normal,” She casually parried.

“But I don’t have to use my powers to lift you,” He sleepily babbled, yawning partway through, “I remember when you were taller than me, that didn’t stop me either…”

Blaze cast her mind back, considering the time he was talking about. From when they’d first met until their early teenage years, the difference between their heights had been negligible. She assumed there here had been periods where she’d overtaken him, but he surely wasn’t thinking about one of those. He was thinking about the last time she’d been taller than him. When they were twelve, bordering on thirteen, she’d endured a growth spurt and ended up a good few inches taller than him. She’d rather taken pride in the change, using it as leverage to insist on doing a great share of their work, but it hadn’t lasted for long. By the time they’d turned fourteen he had taken the lead again, a position he’d hold for the rest of their lives, regardless of the heels she wore. That didn’t mean she’d given back control, of course.

“For less than a year, yes, I was,” She smiled, “We were neck and neck for a while. I rather liked being taller than you.”

“Sorry,” He grinned back, “I should have tried to stay short.”

“Some things just can’t be forgiven,” She yawned, feeling the weight of the hour on her shoulders, “You’ll have to find some other way to make it up to me.”

“Like what?” He asked, clearly not entirely oblivious.

Gently yet casually, she slipped forward and allowed her lips to mingle with his again. Fingers began to ply through windswept fur, she felt her tail coil around his back and heard a deep purr begin to ebb from his throat. She gingerly took his muzzle in her hand before not so softly pushing his cheek to deepen their lip-lock. The hedgehog wasn’t a bad kisser but, truth be told, he still seemed to lose himself in the occurrences’ bliss. More often than not, she found herself taking the lead in these situations and this was no different. When they finally parted, beaming like a fool the hedgehog’s eyes didn’t reopen.

“You’ll think of something,” She told him, keeping a hand on his cheek.

It was only with those words that Blaze noticed a change in their surroundings. All of a sudden his body was melding with the clouds, they had begun a slow and very controlled descent. When she was small, she’d have panicked at this; she’d have insisted on knowing what he was doing rather than knowing it inherently. At their age, having known him for this long, she could read him like a book. Now that he’d cooled down, the psychic had realised just how tired he was.

They vanished into the clouds and, now unable to see him, she could feel it. While his tail had been lightly wagging before, it’d now slowed almost to a standstill. His cheeks were plush in her hand, not resisting her touch on even a subconscious level, and his movements were heavy. The thump of his heart, barely audible over the buzzing of his aura, was peacefully rhythmic, he was entirely calm, so very comfortable with her atop him. Perhaps her heat truly wasn’t the problem.

As they exited through the cloud layer, Blaze was able to look upon his muzzle once again. His eyes had remained closed and relaxation had overtaken the smile on his face. The castle drifted back into view behind them and, without so much of a glance from the hedgehog, they lowered to perfectly levitate through the balcony doors. In a matter of moments, he glid down to arrive on their thoroughly messy bed.

Did he fall asleep the moment his head met with his pillow? Her rational side doubted it but, watching his frame ease into the mattress made her want to believe so. It’d surely be a fitful sleep, he’d probably wake up early or drift in and out of consciousness. Still, as long as she’d helped him get the slightest grace of sleep, she was happy with her efforts.

With a yawn and a stretch, she took a more comfortable position curled up against his frame before soon joining him in the land of the dreaming.

[hvilested]

Infatuation Is a Temporary Illusion: How to Escape the Pain

LucyJul 14, 2020

As a neuroscientist, I am fascinated by infatuation; it's such a strong, mysterious phenomenon, yet is entirely scientifically-explainable.

This Too Shall Pass

I will start this by saying that however deep and impossible your situation feels, you will leave this infatuated state. There will be a day when you can think about this special person without any type of pain or passion. You will remember how strongly you felt towards them while they didn't have the same feelings for you, and it will seem completely crazy that you were so stuck in limerence.

Albeit cliché, the concept that time is the only thing that will make you feel less magnetically drawn to someone who you cannot be with is true. You cannot magic away these feelings, because they are a strong illusion created by chemicals in your brain. Over time, your neurobiology will balance out again and this person, who is acting as a potent stimulus, will no longer inspire the same physiological response in you. Thinking about your situation scientifically helps, as it steers you away from thinking in terms of romance and delusion.

What Is an Infatuation?

Are you currently struggling with huge, incredibly deep feelings for someone that you will never be with? We use the term 'infatuation' (also limerence) to describe the state of being utterly enamored by and obsessed with someone; it is the wildest thing that a human can experience in the sober, baseline state. The invisible pull that you feel will seem so novel and colossal in strength that, if experiencing infatuation for the first time, you will be certain that you will 'never feel this again', and that this person is 'the one'. After all, your body and mind react so strongly and surely to them that it is impossible to imagine a life worth living that doesn't have them at the center of it. This is not the case, as you will experience several infatuations in your life if you are prone to them.

Due to differing genetics and brain chemistry, some people are more prone to entering limerence than others; in fact, some will never experience this roller coaster of euphoria and insecurity. Unrequited crushes are normal and not too much of an issue; unrequited infatuation not only encompasses incredibly powerful attraction, admiration and a general feeling of 'love' towards the subject, but is also agonizing and depressive by nature.

If the infatuated cannot be with the person that they desire, they will likely enter a deep depression and will feel completely out of order for weeks or months, until the feelings fade or they gain closure. Irrational thoughts and misery normally accompany this rollercoaster experience, as well as physical symptoms such as elevated libido and lack of appetite (due to an excess of dopamine in the brain).

Is It a Normal Crush or an Infatuation?

You may wonder how we can define things as vague and fluid as romantic feelings. However, the line between a healthy crush and a problematic infatuation is not as thin as it seems. Crushes can be unwanted and painful, bringing ups and downs into our lives, but a true infatuation blows a crush out of the water. If deeply infatuated with someone that you cannot be with, you will think irrational thoughts such as 'I want to die - X isn't in my life and everything else makes me miserable'.

These thoughts are falsehoods, for the world is so open that you will definitely encounter other people (as well as places, music and even fashion trends) that you find fascinating.

If you are simply experiencing a romantic crush, you will find the person very appealing and may intensely want to date them, but there will be less feeling than there is in limerence - less hormonal influence, less joy, and less crying. The highs will be less euphoric, sure, but the lows will not be nearly as crushing as those experienced in the limerent state.

The difference between a crush and an infatuation is that the former allows you to enjoy the warm feelings and be in control of your emotions, while the latter is extremely unhealthy and causes the sufferer a lot of pain if they cannot be with the person they desire. A crush may feel very strong and you may want to act differently to charm the subject of your feelings, but it will never be as delusional., destructive and fantasy-based as a true infatuation is.

So, how does one differentiate between the two? In short, if you feel so distraught that you cannot be with the person that you are googling for solutions, crying before bed and upon waking, losing interest in activities that you normally love, struggling to imagine a future without the person in your life, you are definitely infatuated and not crushing. If you treat this emotional conundrum as if it were a drug addiction, you will stop feeling this way in a matter of weeks or months.

Why Do People Become Infatuated in the First Place?

Most people go through their lives organically forming healthy 'crushes'; even when not actively seeking a partner, they will encounter a few people a year that will grab their attention and seem irresistible. After all, this is biologically advantageous; we are mammals and are meant to pursue, and eventually reproduce with, those that we deem physically and emotionally intriguing.

Having said this, I will clarify that your sexual orientation is totally unimportant in your ability to develop all-consuming, raging feelings for someone. This level of feeling is just as prevalent between people of the same gender as it is between those of opposite genders. However, we are wired to pursue, bond with and care for other human beings for the sole reason of reproduction and the survival of our species. If someone is infatuated with someone of the same gender, they will experience the same concoction of erratic emotions as a straight person. Neurochemical changes will temporarily dominate your life regardless of the perceived likelihood of the passing on of your genes.

infatuations

Rupi Kaur

What to Do? Understand That Your Feelings Are Scientifically-Explainable and Never Permanent

The wild array of feelings that come along with any form of attraction may seem intangible and wondrous, but they are caused by altered levels of different neurotransmitters. Focusing on the science behind such a strong human experience is crucial in dealing with the pain that it can cause you.

Reject dwelling in the infatuation too much. It's incredibly tempting to spend hours writing and lamenting about the subject of your "love", only to enter an even more heightened state of delusion. Even if this isn't your first infatuation and you saw that you got over your last one, remember that, naturally, you will be convinced that this person is the one and that you are ruining your life by missing out on being with them.This is nonsense and is your brain tricking you!

The best way to avoid falling into this nauseating, fantasy-driven loop of obsessing and fantasising and despairing is to understand the science behind this crazy human experience.

It is also incredibly comforting to know that unrequited infatuation very rarely lasts for more than 6-8 months, and often will fizzle out incredibly suddenly and much earlier than this. This is because infatuation is neither logical nor grounded at all. It is so, so ephemeral by nature; one day you will look back at this period of your life and it will seem like a wild but distant dream. Trust me on that one.

However, to break this person-addiction habit and ensure you never, ever cry over unrequited love again, you'll need to dig very deep and be committed to recovery. Your external world is a mere reflection of your beliefs and what you allow to imprint itself into your subconscious mind. By meeting your psychological needs healthily and treating unhealed wounds, you will become completely, 100% immune to infatuation/limerence. Potential partners will sparkle to you, make your heart sing and you'll be able to transition into real relationships with them instead of you manifesting unrequited love and crying spells. I promise you this.

infatuations

Feeling Something Intensely Doesn't Mean It's Permanent

Don't get confused and think that, just because you feel such strong passion for this person, your feelings will 'last forever' and you will 'never get over them'. For some reason, when us humans experience something intense or profound, we do what no other animals do and we introduce a poignant aspect of eternality to the situation. It's a huge logical fallacy to think 'I feel strongly about X, hence I will ALWAYS feel this way', yet we all do it. Our tragic flaw is, in many ways, that we are aware of time and the future and cannot simply live in the moment and deal with whatever strong feelings we are experiencing as they come and go.

If you think about, a large part of your pain is that you feel that you won't ever have a happy, fulfilled, exciting life without this individual. After all, they've inspired so much energy in you and you haven't felt this way with anyone else before. The truth is that, no, your infatuation will not last long and will certainly not be permanent.

Infatuation has a shelf-life because it is based in the fantasy and reality cannot maintain it. It is such idealisation and irrationality that, once the real world creeps in and you become aware that your feelings are unfounded and inappropriate, they will naturally dissipate. It is for this reason that couples who feel 'infatuated' often become bored after around 6 months. They aren't experiencing that surge of initial attraction or the wondrous mystery that their partner made them feel when they first met, because they were simply infatuated then and didn't really know their partner.

What Does It Mean If You're Prone To Infatuation?

Being a neuroscientist, my attention has been drawn to the fact that those of us who fall into infatuations are 1. prone to this state (experience it over and over again until they learn precisely how to treat the root cause, even if each "episode" feels novel and "different this time"), and 2. we are people who feel things very intensely.

Now, I am aware that virtually every single person on this planet feels certain things strongly and irrationally, but a limerence really is at the top of the scale in terms of intensity, especially since mental illness is usually thrown into the mix. Nearly every single person who I have seen who has fallen into a deep infatuation has been on the spectrum for severe depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder (BPD) or OCD (meaning, they could obtain a psychiatric diagnosis for one of these illnesses).

I don't want to scare you; I am a firm believer that we all sit on spectrums for most mental health conditions, and that there should be no fear or taboo enshrouding this type of information. Many of us could be diagnosed with different things and obtain certain psychiatric labels, but I don't think we should strive to do this unless our mental health is affecting our quality of life extremely negatively. However, I do have to tell you: infatuation at its worst is not neurotypical.

If you tend to live your life emptily, only motivated and made to feel emotion by unobtainable people who you think can make everything okay, then you are most probably mentally ill (by society's definition, at least). If your self-esteem was moderately high and you were mainly mentally healthy (no depressive episodes, no propensity to obsession, no episodes of mania) then it is highly unlikely that you would fall into an illusion so controlling as infatuation.

As I have mentioned and will continue mentioning in this article, infatuation is a deceitful trick. It's your brain's way of latching onto something that could, in theory, make you happy and take away all your troubles. For this reason, if you are infatuated with someone, you are not happy with your current life. You might want to tell me "I am happy and confident, this person is just so special/beautiful that I need them", but that statement would be yet another dopamine-driven delusion.

If you are prone to infatuation/limerence:

you have a lot of love to give to people, whether platonic or romantic (this is a blessing). I suggest that you utilise this in the healthiest possible way and focus on solidifying strong, platonic friendships. You won't feel the high of infatuation and attraction, but you won't experience the horrible lows either, and you will be immensely satisfied because you'll form close bonds and feel understood by people who want to be in your life for genuine reasons, other than desire.

as mentioned above, you are probably mentally ill in some way, and could most likely be diagnosed with OCD, depression, anxiety, BPD, or bipolar disorder. Don't let this scare you. A diagnosis would just be putting a label on what you've felt your entire life.

you will fall into more of these miserable infatuations if you do not treat the root-cause, which is unmet psychological needs and limiting beliefs regarding yourself and your worth. Don't let them shape your months and years, and don't let your life be a string of feelings for different people with you making no advancements in your own life. Even if you don't feel sound enough on a psychological level, force yourself to make friends, to exercise, to work and to read books. You'll be pleasantly surprised at how quickly you actually make new brain pathways and *escape* this hell.

you're very prone to fantasising about ideas, people and concepts that could, in theory, help you "escape" the current life or situation that you are in. Use this to your advantage - it just means that your brain is prone to creating dopaminergic pathways to motivate you. Currently, you're motivated to get this person into your life, but you can use this mental tactic to enjoy other things intensely, like academics, hobbies, pets etc. Become obsessed with another country, and make it your mission to learn the language fluently and move there within the next 8 years. Grab onto something other than a person that sparks your interest and get you thinking "my life would be amazing IF ...", whether it be the idea of gaining muscle at the gym, redecorating your house or writing a novel. Some would advise against this, but I have evidence to prove that it's a healthy way to cope with a propensity to idolising people. Hobbies/pets/languages/exercise won't turn you limerent, so obsess over them instead.

unless you work hard on yourself to recover from this susceptibility to falling hard and selflessly for people, your partners will never be on the same page as you. They will never love you as fiercely as you "love" them, because they will never be consumed by someone in the way that people consume and fill your existence. This may fill you with sadness but is reality; the fact that you have developed the behavioural pattern of limerence isn't their problem, nor is it something that many people will relate to. Wishing for someone to fall for you in this lovesick, bittersweet way is going to align you with reactive, toxic people who are generally unstable and enmesh with you too quickly.

the best comes last: you can become immune to infatuation/limerence! You'll need to do a lot of research on how to attack your subconscious mind and alter your brain's fundamental wirings, but it's surprisingly simpler than it sounds and the only path to complete emotional freedom.

infatuations

Rupi Kaur

Yes, This Is Just One of Your Many Phases!

Live in the moment and deal with any false, irrational thoughts like 'this will last forever'. Every time you think that, correct yourself and remember that you're feeling something very strong and unpleasant, but that's all it is and in no way does this equate to any form of permanence.

You can feel things strongly without them lasting forever! I don't know why we, as humans, struggle with this idea so much. There are so many sensory afflictions that come and go. For example, think of a terrible illness where you're vomiting constantly and can barely walk. You feel like you're never going to feel well again, but days later, you bounce back. The illness is just a faint memory that doesn't even inspire much emotion in you. Similarly, sometimes we come across music that we love and then can barely stand to hear it a month later.

We, as humans, go through many phases in our life. Phases are definitely valid life experiences, but find comfort in their ephemerality! This boy or girl is a phase in your life, albeit an intense one. One day, you will look back and associate them with whatever music you're currently listening to, the clothes you're currently wearing and the way that you feel. That is because those aspects of your life are also a phase. This person won't make your heart skip forever. If you take one thing from this article, let it be that. You won't believe me now, but there will come a time when you don't care who they date, and their name won't even stand out to you in a list. Human emotions are weird, huh?

Remember: You Love Your Brain's Chemicals, Not This Person

Unless you are experiencing a healthy crush within reality (just attraction and the feeling of connection), your infatuation is a result of an unhealthy dopamine reward circuit that your brain has essentially created as a survival mechanism. You are so depressed/unfulfilled/lonely that your brain knows that real life isn't offering much for you in terms of incentive to live, so it creates its own happiness in order to temporarily relieve you from unhappiness, nihilism and lack of focus.

Infatuation is the brain making its own fun through a 'fantasy bond'. Your brain provides you with a sugary high full of wonder and hope and promises for the future, and then when real life doesn't follow the illusion (e.g. when the person unsurprisingly doesn't devote their entire life to you because they have their own life/feelings), you will experience the consequent crash. There is a duality to every strong psychological experience, and what goes up always comes down.

Mocking yourself slightly and realising that your brain is 'glitching' in this way is imperative. Tell yourself, "I love dopamine, not him/her!". If the attraction wasn't there, and you knew their personality inside out, would you still 'need' them? It's almost impossible that you would. You might love them in a genuine, affectionate way, just like some elderly couples love each other after years of commitment, but it wouldn't be delightful and euphoric, nor would it be what you're craving now.

Find comfort in the above. If you find yourself thinking "I've met him at the wrong point in my life, we could have grown old together etc." remember that the romance wouldn't feel like this for more than a few months anyway. Yes, maybe if you had met this man in 5 years time you'd date and then marry him and be happy (in the stable sense of the word, with no thrill), but the truth is that that's not even what you want. You want to be able to act on the passionate feelings that you currently have, and for those to last forever, which is why the supposed "missed connection" is so tragic and hard for you to cope with. The thing is, as I've explained, the sheer concept of living with them forever and feeling this way with them forever is a fairytale that your brain has created.

In short: your brain has messed up here, and is misunderstanding the situation. We are animals at the end of the day, and our bodies function to promote survival, often not bothering about our feelings. If your life is lacking authenticity, excitement and motivation, your brain may work to ensure the survival of your genes by creating its own goals. Don't listen to everything that your mind is telling you and try not to crave the highs that it is offering you!

Neuroscience: What Causes Infatuation?

Understanding the science behind this turbulent experience is crucial, and is the only way to think practically without being nihilistic and numbing yourself to your feelings. This area of neuroscience is fascinating, as it deals with human experiences that seem so spiritual and magical that it's hard to believe that they are caused and controlled by relatively simple chemicals. However, a handful of neurotransmitters control all aspects of your mood and mental health, and therefore can explain every thought and motive that an infatuation will cause you to experience.

1. Dopamine is the 'pleasure chemical', and relates to euphoria, addiction and craving. It can also inspire goal-based behaviour, e.g. wanting to save money to plan an elaborate trip, or, more relevantly, wanting that "perfect life" with someone you have recently met where you two are alone and free, revelling in each other's happiness. When you first fall into infatuation and you cannot imagine happiness with anyone else but this individual, it is dopamine acting... and boy, is dopamine a powerful neurotransmitter! It gives us momentum in life and quite literally drives humanity, but in the case of infatuation, it is a delightful yet dangerous substance.

When noradrenaline is also released, the two neurotransmitters can undergo a reaction and produce not only an elated mood, but also focused attention, hyper-activity and loss of appetite. All of these changes can be witnessed in the "lovesick"; you develop tunnel vision during these biochemical changes. You are greatly inspired by anything to do with the other person, and bored at the rest of the world, for it all seems so dull compared to the object of your passion. While noradrenaline is a neurotransmitter and adrenaline a hormone, the two contribute synergistically to a racing heart and the novel excitement associated with love.

2. Serotonin is low when you are infatuated, which is counterintuitive, as high levels of serotonin are also commonly associated with "lovey-dovey" feelings. In fact, taking ecstasy causes a great release of this neurotransmitter, and depression is caused by low levels of it. However, the infatuated brain shows the same low serotonin levels as someone with OCD, which explains the obsessive nature of infatuation, and hence why you should avoid romanticizing your state and realize that you are essentially mentally ill while in the throes of this level of passion.

3. Adrenaline activates stress responses in the body, and is involved with the physiological signs of infatuation. It activates the levels of other hormones like cortisol, which all activate the sympathetic nervous system in a cascade-like manner, causing trembling, sweating and an increased heart rate.

4. Oxytocin is released during intimate acts, cuddling and other forms of close, trust-based contact. It is slightly different to the others, as it does not directly cause "infatuation". In other words, it does not contribute to the insanely powerful passion that one feels while infatuated. Rather, it adds to the experience by increasing the sweet feelings of trust and fondness. For this reason, it is also extremely important in relationships after the infatuation and hence the craving (caused by dopamine) wears off. If the people in the relationship do not possess adequate amounts of oxytocin (and vasopressin), it is unlikely that the relationship will last once they have passed through the drugged-up stage of infatuation and are suddenly aware of each other's flaws.

I urge you to think about the science behind your feelings, as it will help you rationalise what you feel. Allow yourself to cry but don't let yourself romanticise this 'missed connection', because it was never there in the first place. Your neurobiology has temporarily gone awry and taken control of your feelings, but this level of misery cannot and will not last.

[sinagrace]

Iceman’s been back on my mind lately. It started with the internet rumor that Shia Labeouf was being considered to play the role of Bobby Drake in a Marvel Cinematic Universe version of the X-Men. My DMs and @Mentions on social media were a mixture of intense reaction and then asking my take on who would make a great Bobby Drake (for the record: in my head I always saw him as a younger Antoni Porowski with a theater background, ‘cuz playing the funny guy with a vulnerable streak requires serious acting shops). My mind went back to the time of BC, when I was doing a lot of touring, and answering this very question because of my work on the Iceman book at Marvel. One thing led to another, and I decided to take a trip further down memory lane to look at my favorite volume of the series: Amazing Friends. Now, I know I’ve spent equal amounts of time publicly stating what a gift working on Iceman was, while also calling out the challenges that came with the experience, but the third volume really was a pure blessing. I was able to take every valuable lesson I learned as a writer, and apply it to telling a story that would be interesting to one person: Me. I’ve been a lifelong X-Men fan, I live and breathe comics, so my own expectations for a return to the series seemed like the only ones to really worry about meeting/ surpassing. The first two volumes had been so bogged down by rotating editors, complex continuity, company-wide events, multiple artists… The third volume was my chance to focus on what an Iceman series was outside of so much context. All that mattered was challenging myself to do an X-Men story that focused on the aspects of the franchise I felt were valuable and relevant, meaning: excuses to have Emma Frost be an asshole and finding an opportunity to make fun of Kitty Pryde’s haircut. Before moving on from Marvel, Axel Alonso made time to call me for a pep talk about the series. I wanted to get the series extended, and he wanted to help me succeed with the ten issues he could commit to. First, he offered an eleventh issue to give me more time on the stands. He took a look at everything I had planned, and basically told me to restructure with an eye for ramping up the pace. My writing background comes from prose and essays/ think pieces… both of which are methodical and provide some allowance from the reader to really take your time and set up the world before diving into the meat. That’s not the case with comics. You gotta work fast. Especially in today’s market, there is less and less room for a retailer to say, “give it two volumes, because shit starts really coming together by the third trade.” That was literally my speech for hooking people on such iconic series as Invincible, Fables, and Strangers in Paradise. Nowadays, every single issue is not a brick to be laid down as foundation so much as a bullet in your gun. Conflicting imagery, but that’s the point. Axel told me to think about the Big Moments in my life and sort out how to inject the mutant metaphor into it and make the most compelling comic book story I could. This was epic advice that I took with me into the new arc, but I struggled a bit with what could be bigger than the “coming out” storyline in volume one. Love was off the table because I wanted to keep Bobby single and ready to mingle. Death was off the table too, because my editor felt like we’d done enough with Bobby’s parents in the first two volumes. Upon looking at my own life, and considering the stuff me and my friends were dealing with, I landed on something a bit more reflective than LIFE or DEATH. I wanted to focus on that moment when a gay guy looks outside of himself and realizes the folks around him may not have it so easy. After everything we’ve been dealing with this summer, Iceman’s “big issue” of the arc feels oddly prescient. Bobby Drake had to reconcile his accidental complicit role in keeping the Morlocks down, and he has to investigate new approaches to being a better ally to those who don’t want to or can’t live under the protection of the X-Men. I used the Morlocks to allegorically speak to the issues that the trans/ NB community face today. Considering that trans folks are facing higher rates of homelessness and murder than other members of the LGBTQIA+ community, all I needed to do was find a perfect villain to treat the Morlocks as “lesser-than.” Cue Mister Sinister, who I wrote as particularly Darwinist with a major flair for interactive theater. While Amazing Friends definitely is the most fun I’ve had working on the book, it was also full of the heaviest shit I’ve written about. I’m so grateful that my editor let me use Emma Frost for a story about the trauma of gay conversion therapy with her brother Christian, but I’m still annoyed he wouldn’t let me put her in a sickening Givenchy outfit for her reveal. Similarly, creating the Madin character required that I chat with several mental healthcare professionals and members of the NB community to respectfully portray them as a resilient and fleshed out hero. I included personal lessons that I learned from years of the therapy (the sandcastle / sea image, a Jay Edidin fave moment). My editor and I weren’t always aligned, but we definitely were on each other’s side. He understood what I was trying to do and asked questions when something flew over his head, and he even had the good instincts to stop me from going too heavy handed with the ending. My original idea for the arc’s finale was to have Bobby become permanently scarred in his fight with Sinister, where he’d have a cool ice gash running across his face or something, a la Squall from Final Fantasy 8. The goal was to show Iceman stripping himself of his ability to pass as non-mutant to save the Morlocks, but the Mutant Pride fight scene being a stand-in for the Stonewall Riots kind of already made enough of a statement. Plus, no one in editorial wanted to deal with remembering to track his scar in other books. At first I tried to balk at his point of view, but when I looked over my original notes for the series, the point was to focus on optimism and hope. Giving Bobby a permanent scar and emphasizing the notion of sacrifice was too bleak a message for a series wherein the hero carbo-loads hoagies while riding an ice scooter and mutant drag queens emcee local festivals. Of course, the crowning achievement of the series… my mutant drag queen :) I’ve witnessed a lot when it comes to the world of pop culture and myth-making, and I 100% believe that you can’t plan the success of something. I’ve seen bands forced into breaking up because labels spend six figures failing at making listeners connect with an album. I witnessed firsthand how The Walking Dead was built from relatively humble beginnings as a buzzy cable drama into a literal international phenomenon over the course of its first three seasons. Everyone hopes for the best, but you never know how something will land with audiences. When the Shade character took off, I was truly astounded. Things I posted on Instagram while half-asleep became official quotes on major news sites. Queens and cosplayers were interpreting her like Margot Robbie had unveiled a new Harley Quinn lewk. The impact was so legit and immediate that we had to jump in and give Shade a proper Marvel hero alias, to truly welcome her into the X-Men canon. Hence the name change to Darkveil. (Funny story: I tried to fight hard for Madame X as an alias, but CB didn’t want another Agent X / “X-Name” character. Three months later, Madonna announced the Madame X album. Phew!) There was a time where I felt uncertain that the folks in charge at Marvel would bring Darkveil into any stories outside of the ones I wrote. My understanding was that Hickman was like the Cylons and had A Plan-- one that didn’t include her character. I made peace with my contribution to the Marvel Universe being contained, but then someone on social media pointed out that Darkveil showed up in an issue of Marvel Voices. After breaking down and reading Hickman’s House of X, I saw that his Plan was one of endless possibilities, and that he was moving EVERY character into new and dynamic places. I have hope now that he sees the possibilities with Darkveil, and takes advantage of her and all of her many body pouches. Amazing Friends really is my favorite thing I’ve done for the Big Two. I made a lifelong friend out of artist Nate Stockman (DC, please hire us for a Plasticman book), and I got to run a victory lap with the most encouraging and supportive readers out there. It was worth every dreadful conversation, every shitty thing a person said to me online, and all of the fun nonsense that goes into being creative for a living. Being stuck at home in quarantine has given me a lot of time to reflect on the gift that my career to date has been, and I feel so grateful to be where I am today. Other people may groan when they have to talk about something they’ve moved on from, but not me. I made people happier, I got to work with my favorite characters at Marvel, and and I'll say it again: it’s a frickin’ gift to make people move from your work. So, I will engage every tweet or message asking me my thoughts about who should play Bobby Drake in the Marvel Cinematic Universe… I’ll just never have a good answer.

[bcanetwork]

BCA NFTalk Vol.3｜Art Blocks NFTs’ Imagination

Guest Speakers：Host ArthurLou BCA Co-Founder丨Vulcan DAO GP（简称A）

Zero Chen NFT Consultant of FTChinese.com（简称C）

Ting Song AI and Blockchain Artist丨IOAC Asia Ambassador（简称S）

Hesiod 「Theogo NFT Observer」Chief Editor （简称H）

Nico Yang VulcanDAO GP（简称Y）

Background: It's been a few months of a mini-bull market for NFT collectibles, which the frenzied sales of CryptoPunks have pushed up in recent days. In addition, Art Blocks, as a generative art segment, topped the 7-day trading volume list strongly, ranking first with The Art Blocks segment was ranked fifth overall with $498 million. These three segments - avatars, generative art, and solo editions - make up a solid JPEG Summer. In this context, we invite four guests to chat about the NFT imagination beyond Punk.

01

Host A: What do you think of the macro reasons for this 2021 Summer rampage? Share some of the recent Punk-like replica disc projects and NFT collecting tips that you've been following.

C: It's not very surprising that Punk is on fire; its holders or investors/collectors who are bullish think it should be higher priced. Its broken circle has become more apparent, and this mini-bull market is a spurt of an accumulation from the entire NFT market that preceded it. Social subcultures and aesthetic psychology drive NFT and trendy fashion, so its rise and fall may be very different from how technology has evolved and popularised. Compared to traditional art and traditional collecting, this wave in the crypto world should be just beginning. If CryptoPunks do become digital antiques, I believe they will be worth much more than that in the future.

Y: Until 2021, it will be difficult for digital content creators to get their work recognized by the market and to cash in without relying on big institutions with a centralized approach. The breaking of the circle in media and the entrance of money brought by the wealth creation effect have greatly refreshed the perception of digital content. Echoing what Che Guevara once said, "After we leave, they build you schools and hospitals, not because they have shown great mercy, but because we came."

The identity that comes with NFT is only really felt when it is held. The purpose is different, and the logic of buying and collecting can be very different. A scarce NFT is a status symbol in itself.

S: Compared to the art market, which is repeatedly tested and scrutinized by connoisseurs from different perspectives, there is a sizeable speculative bubble in the English-speaking community on Ethereum. A lot of this bubble is in cultural content and projects that lack culture can be short-lived. The works that I want to keep inside my wallet for a long time are the ones that I will be happy to look at even ten years from now.

In this JPEG Summer, I strongly feel that it is similar to 1CO at the end of 17, where all aspects of blockchain project parties were active, but the market turned cold after 18 years. A successful crypto art series is also a successful cultural product that combines technology and art.

Punk is Punk in the same way that an asteroid hitting the earth is hard to replicate, and special times happen like this. How do you ambush the next Punk? 1. Is there innovation? 2. Is the seed community very geeky? 3. Is it a historical level under the megatrend? 4. Can the team continue to do it? 5. are the institutional holders coming in at the middle stage good enough to drive the project forward? 6. can it create a cultural resonance in the circle? These are all worth exploring.

Regarding collection investment strategies, I am very much focused on niche artists from developing countries, especially those with a pure art background or a very pioneering sense of creativity in the contemporary art field and those who respect the blockchain spirit of the blockchain community.

Moderator A: Each Trader (trader) has a different investment strategy, and each person has limited energy to focus on one vertical track. Suppose one is easily influenced by the market and forcibly changes his investment strategy. In that case, it is scary for a Trader, which is equivalent to the whole cognitive system having to be reconstructed.

H: The cost of a physical painting is not high, but it can be sold for hundreds of millions. Therefore, the value of a work does not lie in its materials or cost. Its physical price does not determine the value of Jpeg. In the structure of the blockchain market, Crypto Punks, Art Blocks, and BAYC represent the three dimensions that can be found in the NFT market. Crypto Punks starts from a programmer and is driven by technology; the monkey BAYC is community-driven. The blockchain community may be The base for the survival of the future blockchain; Art Blocks enter from artistic creativity.

From the perspective of social governance, Token is an institutional symbol. Mature NFT projects must create a field and a way of existence, and a variety of hobbies professional life corresponds to the current needs of various communities. I don't see it as a speculative target but rather as a script for building a kind of Metaverse called the respective Metaverse, whose development depends on the evolution of the community.

02

Moderator A: The more successful 10K projects have a cultural tribe behind them, and the ethos can be very different from project to project. How do you see Art Blocks as a clear stream with awe-inspiring numbers? How do you see it breaking out and the appreciation and valuation insights into generative art as a discipline?

S: The group of projects in NFT that are particularly speculative and not culturally good enough are like passing clouds and won't be in the prosperous state they are today when the market is in a bad mood. But two things are sure to go a long way: firstly, good cultural content is never speculative. But anything that has an innovative aesthetic or interest that strikes a chord is not entirely speculative and has its own commercial identity quite typically. The second point, the trend towards avatars and social identities, is unstoppable.

I am very bullish on generative art. Behind it is a respect and exploration of the mathematical logic behind information technology. The methods used are engineering in nature and reflect the cultural identity of a group of people.

C: Generative art started with computer technology and continued until this wave of artificial intelligence, more precisely the application of convolutional neural networks, entered the aesthetic vision of the masses, with a low correlation to the market price of generative artworks. In the past, the general aesthetics of popular art did not break through the traditional class texture (strong mediated aesthetic vision), the blockchain market changed this law, and the same thing is now entering the NFT art collectibles market.

H: NFT is a fuse to the art market, not a monopoly on art history. When the financial operation goes to an extreme, it is decoupled from the actual value creator. Although Art Blocks has a centralized organizer, it is isomorphic with the state-of-the-art community. Generative art will present different visual effects depending on the materials used. With the rapid development of technology and speculation, it is possible to join the first-line NFT.

Y: Art Blocks is the same thing as the explosion of CryptoPunks. Looking at the top 20 Crypto Punks holdings, the most intuitive data is that there is a very high degree of overlap with the big Art Blocks accounts, with the smallest of these holdings holding more than 50 Art Block NFTs.

More generally, a large percentage of the first blockchain explorers to make a large fortune were programmers. The culture that Art Blocks carries is precisely an aesthetically pleasing phenomenon from a programmer's perspective.

Any art form first evolved from technology, and the value of NFT relies on the programmer-led blockchain revolution to provide sufficient wealth to support it. Crypto Punks represent a new class of people, the last piece of the puzzle in internet development.

03

A: The bigger the wave, the further back you look; what should be the kind of work that can be called classic or digital antiques? What is the view on the future of NFT?

C: If we look at this from a long-term perspective, three points need to be considered. Firstly, there is a characteristic of any cultural investment product that performs more similarly to financial assets in a bull market and can be less liquid than financial assets in a bear market, with a liquidity black hole. Classic core assets can find counterparties no matter when they are traded. Broad consensus and acceptance are the hallmarks of traditional investments, and a sense of scarcity and value is formed over a long period.

Secondly, whether crypto art or generative art, continuing to move forward requires special attention to fit in with other cultural and sub-cultural trends, the spirit of the times.

Thirdly, the artist is a profession, not an inoffensive one. One might as well consider the NFT market giving artists such opportunities as a form of nourishment. If it does not produce investment returns, it is still making its contribution to the art market.

H: I encourage artists to get involved in art that may not be very romantic because there is a massive demand for essential art waiting there. A good NFT project is hardly successful without the creation of artists, and NFT offers a vast blue ocean for artists. Calmness is always within one's heart, maintaining a sense of rationality in the course of a bear or bull market, no matter how noisy it may be.

Host's summary: Since I entered this track myself, there are still times of anxiety and confusion, but things are still in the making. I hope that I can do something genuinely long-term like the four excellent teachers.