#Performance Anxiety

[thecat620]

Blitz and Performance Anxiety

From the latest Helluva Boss short, it seems like Blitz isn't very good at performing...certain acts when under pressure. Moxxie was able to activate the crystal by...pleasuring it since it's from Lust. Even Blitz was impressed and possibly turned on by it.

Now people are thinking he might not've been a good top if he couldn't pleasure in certain ways but I think there's more to this than what's on the surface. He isn't a selfish lover but he might be self-conscious about how he performs because if he isn't the best, he can't perform well.

I think this episode takes place after Apology Tour since he's under a lot of stress and trying to get used to the crystal being a part of his life. Stolas doesn't want to see him right now and he has a lot to figure out about himself after that talk with Verosika. His mental state isn't in the best place so he's gonna have his off moments.

But to be fair to him here, it was very cold and they were under a lot of stress from being attacked by killer penguins so he's gonna be a bit off.

And I think performance anxiety started when he was young at the circus.

Blitz was trying his hardest to make a balloon horse but the more he failed, the more flustered he got. When he made "Worm Horse", he was happy he got something and Stolas was happy from the jokes he made, giving Blitz a bit of an ego boost. But Fizz unintentionally coming in to show him up with his perfect balloon animal no doubt hit him in the ego and hurt him since his crush was getting more attention.

If he isn't perfect, I think he gives up too easily.

Also I want to point out something from the selfie he had with Verosika when they were still dating.

Notice the bags under his eyes? I think being with her was a lot more exhausting than what was let on. She even mentioned he was the "fun guy" while they were dating and that no doubt was tiring for him trying to keep that up constantly. He was mentioned as a partier but that much drinking and partying can take a lot out of a person.

Not to mention she is a Succubus so when they do the deed, that is gonna take a lot of energy out of him even with his stamina lasting a long time. If his performance isn't the best afterwards and he should've try a bit more, you can understand if he's not at peak perfection in the bedroom.

And I don't quite believe entirely her saying he was that bad in the bedroom. If things were going that well in her mind to the point where she said she loved him, I think their time in the bedroom wasn't as bad as she was claiming. When he broke up with her, I'm thinking she used a lot of the bad moments with him as ammo to try and tear him down to make herself feel better.

Plus with her personality, she might've been bossy in bed too but we'll probably learn more about that later. The reason for the break-up is 50/50 in terms of fault after all. I'm thinking when things were bad, they really were bad. They probably said and did things that hurt each other.

But I think what's really telling is how Blitz reacted when Stolas gave him the crystal.

He was desperate and begged he could do better. He didn't want to lose Stolas even if in that moment all he cared about was "the book". He was in tears and begging not to lose this since sex and killing were what he was best at or what made him feel like he mattered.

If he couldn't do those, who was he?

I think it isn't even he's not eager to do oral. In the song at the beginning of The Full Moon, he was eager to eat Stolas out so it isn't that he won't do that act but if he gets in his own head too much, he won't be able to perform that well. And he does pay attention to Stolas's preferences in bed when he's talking to the clerks in Lust, he's focused on what would make Stolas feel good. Blitz tells Fizz that Stolas isn't into beads, showing he does pay attention to him.

When you're lost in your own head and self-loathing, it can be hard to see anything else around you but Stolas has helped him get past that in some capacity. Blitz is happy to get back in the sack with Stolas and wants it to be a good night after a few months of not being in bed together. He is slowly realizing that he cares for Stolas and is on track for falling in love with him but his own traumas and self-loathing make it hard for him to realize that someone does genuinely want him for him and not just to get something out of him.

It hurt a lot but Apology Tour did give Blitz the wakeup call he needed to try and be better for himself and those around him. It's gonna be a long journey but taking that first step is a good start.

[turns-out-its-adhd]

Also when no one is looking at me

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

Favorite Buddie Moments Per Episode: 6x14 Performance Anxiety

[bodhrancomedy]

I promise I’m a competent human being.

[larry-is-my-anchor1]

Season 6 episode 14, titled Performance Anxiety; Tia Pepa I know you mean well for Eddie. But he isn’t alone. It’s just Buck and he have not taken their heads out of their own asses and put them into one another’s. Yet.

Hahahaha Buck suggests to ghost the girl, Eddie’s Tia is trying to set him up with. Eddie said he can’t when two Tias are involved in the matchmaking. Buck rebukes with Eddie is terrible letting women down.

It’s Ravi!! He is back! Hope he’s ok. I sense something.

The club scene would have been a really good time for Eddie to realize Buck is the one, since Eddie and the Tia’s set up also just wants to be friends.

[all-that-glitters-is-goldfish]

Seasmoke just didn’t like feeling pressured

[tryslora]

Imposter Syndrome & Performance Anxiety

A couple weekends ago I was in Buffalo at the NASFIC convention. While I’m not sure it was the most attended convention at which I’ve been on programming, it was the first one with a seriously national draw for program participants and attendees.

On the good side: I saw friends who’d moved away, or friends I’d never met in person, and that was amazing.

On the bad side: I had a lot of imposter syndrome creating performance anxiety going into the convention. I mean. We had panels with online attendees who were in other countries! As a small press and independent author, I felt… insignificant.

While driving out to the convention, I made a note that I wanted to do a post about imposter syndrome, but I had no idea what I wanted to talk about. If I had written the post then, it would have been a very different post than it is now. My brain is always in a different place pre-convention than it is post-convention.

You see, the anticipation is far worse than the reality.

The most important thing to remember—and this goes for any field—is that if you do work in that field, you are valid. Yes, I mean this to include photographers who only work with their phones, or people who research deeply and historically, but may not have published yet, or fans who write tons of fic and know every detail about a show. Do you have a place where you feel like you have strong knowledge, and would love to talk about it? You’re valid.

At this convention I shared panels with people who’d been writing since the 60s, and people who only started writing recently. I spoke with folks who only did fan writing. I met writers who’ve done both independent work and tradpub. I viewed art from artists who made their living by it, and artists who enjoy doing it as a hobby and side gig.

All still valid.

And the best part? Almost every single one experiences imposter syndrome at some point. We all have weaknesses that create little worms that wriggle under our skin, making us itch with anxiety, and tiny voices that whisper in our minds that we aren’t as good, or as interesting, or as… as… whatever adjective you might think of… as someone else. 

Even when we think we conquer a fault, it is still there, waiting beneath the surface. (Seriously, ask me, and I will tell you my biggest weakness is that I can neither world-build nor plot… despite knowing I’ve accomplished both.)

Anyway. 

The point is, we are all individuals. We all wonder if we are important enough to share what we love. We all wonder if we are good enough at what we do for someone else to be interested in it. Are we unique? Are we worth it? Will anyone care?

Yes. Yes, they will.

So, if you want to share, please know that somewhere out there is an audience for your creation (story, photograph, in-depth essay, or whatever it is…).

If you do not want to share, that’s okay, too. Create for yourself. It’s still valid.

And when you worry about what others might think, remember that the people around you are thinking that exact same thing. We all wonder: am I doing this right?

We are not alone in our fears.

I had a great time in Buffalo. Yes, there were hiccups on my panels (and oh dear gods was I ever terrified when the moderator of my first panel fell ill, and I ended up being a surprise mod for it). Yes, there were things that I wish could’ve gone differently. But overall, I’m pleased with how my own participation in my panels went.

Will I be anxious again at the next convention? Hah, yeah. Will I have imposter syndrome again? Always (in fact, I’m working on a T-shirt design). 

But I know it’ll work out, too.

And I know I’m not alone.

[inferno-ontherocks]

Of course he's going to take it easy on you! You perished in front of him!

[killesohcysp]

Yesterday my boss took me aside to have a chat about certains thing I wasnt doing right and it has crushed my mood a lot. I even cried last evening. Pathetic indeed. One more time, I wished I didnt had one ounce of emotions inside of me. I envy psychopaths. They never worry about anything. They dont stress about anything. They don't think emotionnally. I wish I would be like them. Having emotions is one of the biggest cursed human carry.

[hasellia]

Watching Jenny's video on the Star Wars hotel made me realise why I hate theme parks so fucking much.

She talks about how this experiance has a very heavy emphasis on having a "LARP-like" lens of the adventure. But, as far I could tell and remember, most theme parks already have an heavy empahis on the role play aspect. But at least if you're LARPing with friends, if you mess up, everyone can just laugh it off with you and tell you it's alright. My anxiety driven autistic arse is waaaaay to scared of "not getting it" or "failing to read the room" in theme parks.

ESPECIALLY around character actors. Like, I can't expect every actor to know the fan lore between Hercules and Ariel or be able to do a shit tonne of push-ups in a Gaston costume. No matter how much training or money they're paid, that just seems unreasonable to me. So I'm mortified of unintentionally saying or doing something that calls to attention that the experience is fake and "ruining the magic" for someone, worse if it's a child.

When people ask me to imagine something, I freak out with performance anxiety. It's not that I lack creativity. But it's that I don't know the specifics of what exactly they want me to think of. There are so many ways an objectively real thing can be experienced and so many varying characteristics they can have. You want me to think of a rose? Are you after the smell? I don't know what they smell like. Is it the symbolism you're after? Which one, love or death? Or is it something else? Taste? Have you ever tasted rose petals? Did you know you can do that? Colour? Why? Do you like the colour of the rose? WHICH FUCKING ONE THERE'S BEEN ENTIRE WARS WHERE PEOPLE WERE MURDERED OVER DIFFERENT ROSE COLOURS?

This is why guided meditations are either hit or miss so bad it has the opposite effect on me. At least when you fail to perform with physical task, you know when you fucked up. How are you meant to know if you've failed a mental task, the labour of "thinking creatively" correctly or not? @patricia-taxxon has a good video on this:

Green is NOT a creative colour.

[myreigndeer]

She's just so happy and proud of her tia skills and he looks like he just found out she's a murderer😭

[1nv1s1bl3-r41ndr0p5]

when will someone notice just how stressed out I am over these exams. I get my grades are higher than yours, that doesn't mean you have to compare yourself to me. I live in constant fear that I'm going to fail. I cant let my grades go any lower or I'll feel like I've lost control. I cant make plans with anyone until the exams are over because I need to revise. I won't stop until it's perfect, until I'm perfect. I need to prove myself.

[buddieisgoingcanon2024]

OMG!!! I get Eddie and most likely Buck on the episode after my birthday (4/16). I feel so happy.

6x14 Synopsis

[the-healing-mindset]

Just do what you know to do

At some point in your life, you may have encountered unstable people who made you insecure in your ability to live life comfortably and at ease. At every decision and at every challenge, you began to question yourself whereas in the past, you would do what you needed to do with ease and freedom.

This new awkwardness that you feel when it comes to showing up in familiar situations frustrates you. The way you freeze and and hesitate when doing something you have done numerous times before. The way you stumble over your words when it comes to talking to others in a way you have done so many times before. I know how hard it is.

This has happened because you are allowing what others have done to you to live on inside you. The way they treated you differently than they did the others. The way they talked down to you. The way they singled you out just for being yourself. That stuff happened in passing moments and seemed insignificant, but just a single occurrence of that type of thing can be traumatizing. Now, imagine the effects if that type of stuff happens continuously. Yes, it drives itself deep into your psyche.

It's traumatizing.

To overcome this, you must stop looking at yourself through their lenses. What happened, happened. There is no changing that. But you cannot allow their words and their actions to continue defining your livelihood. You can't get inside their head, so you won't be able to figure out why they did what they did, but you do know how it is affecting you. You notice where you hesitate. You notice where you freeze. Be conscious of those things as you make a different choice.

Just do what you know to do. On that same note, just show up as you do. Rarely are people paying attention to you as much as you think they are. People aren't judging you. People aren't criticizing you at every move you make. You had those experiences back then which means that it has become ingrained in your mind that you have to watch yourself to keep others happy with you, which is extremely stressful and anxiety inducing. This is something that you don't have to do, however.

Your humanness is just fine. The way you naturally respond to things is just fine. You don't have to change that to make others feel comfortable with you. You don't have to hold yourself down so that others are happy with you. None of that matters. While you are holding yourself in restriction, others are freely living their lives and being happy. You deserve that too. You know how to live your life. You know how to do what you need to do. You just have to trust yourself enough to do it. Don't think about what they think.

[carnivalwizard]

Trick or treat

treat! have this little clowizard i just made

[makeitmingi]

Pls don't delete your drafts!

i swear im trying not to!! (i deleted two seonghwa chapter drafts and one jongho one already... each at least 4k words?)

but its a confidence thing, i just want to make sure i put out my best stuff for all of you T-T